2005-07-14 Show

Okay, bear with me, this is mostly like a sound check to do at least an hour, well, more like an hour and a half of radio today, tonight rather, and I thank you all for joining in, I have no idea how many people are listening, I hear from KDK that I had about 61 customers here right when I kicked in with the show intro, so if I can get the radio toolbox here working out properly, I at least know how many people are out there listening, but I see a few of you in chat, and I thank you for joining, if you are listening and you're not in chat, I highly advise you join,

and you're going to be missing out on a lot.

And our chat room is hosted at pcuradio.com,

which is the official website for PCU Radio, of course.

Java users can go to pcuradio.com,

and IRC listeners can also join the chat room

by connecting to pcuradio.dyndns.org.

And as I said, you'll be missing out a lot if you're not in there.

Now, feel free to call toll-free at 1-888-278-8509.

Once again, that number is 1-888-278-8509.

And that is a toll-free call.

I'll be paying for it, so please don't abuse it or I'll yank it.

You'll have to call me long distance and shit.

Anyway, regardless, just apologize ahead of time for the delay in getting the show started and whatnot and so forth.

And ahead of time, if I do get disconnected, it's been thundering and lightning here in my local area for quite some time.

And I do have a very susceptible cable connection here, so it is likely to go down.

If I get disconnected, I'm sure KDK can kick the stream back so y'all can listen to your favorite prank calls until I get back on, which shouldn't be too long.

Anyhow, I am expecting at least some of you to give me a call tonight.

And let me know that you can hear me.

I'm sitting here right now.

I have no idea if you guys are even hearing what I'm saying.

So a phone call would be great.

A phone call definitely would be great.

Anyhow, I have a plan for tonight.

I've got some, thanks to Pragmaster,

I've got some card numbers here that I can use,

and I've got some phone numbers here.

And I've got some ideas I've been kicking around myself also.

So I hope to make at least a call or two tonight.

night, and I usually aim for quality, not quantity, and I've got some of my own recorded

stuff here that I don't think any of you have had a chance to hear. As far as I know, it

has not been uploaded to the PCU radio site yet. I've got one call in particular that

I'm rather proud of. It's entitled Dead Dog, and this call here, this is about two years

years old, and I gave a phone call the middle of the night about 2 a.m., and 2 a.m. to a

grocery store, and I pretty much said that they had poisoned my dog. I'm going to give

that a play right now while I take a quick assertion to my broadcasting capabilities

and see if I can get some stuff working 100%. Thank you for bearing with me. I'm going to

go ahead and play the call right now, and I'll be right back.

How you doing there?

I'm doing all right.

Hey, look, I got a problem here.

Look, I just bought some of that dog food over there, that food line and shit.

Yeah.

And these dogs are like, you know.

I hear them barking.

One of them is like convulsing on the ground after I fed it.

The other one's snapping at us.

Oh, I just, do you remember me?

I just came in there.

You're the cashier there, right?

Yeah, yeah.

You remember me coming through?

I got the dog food there, that cheap brand dog food.

Yeah, that bag of dog food, yeah.

Yeah, this dog is just like, he's foaming at the mouth and he like, um, there's an emergency center over on 1792, that's the closest one I know of.

I think he just, my son's got bit, I don't, I don't, what do you need, take care of your son, you can take him to the hospital I guess.

Oh, he's alright, I mean, he's a big, he's 22, so.

If you take the dogs down to the hospital, and if what happens, if it's the food line dog food, if it's the dog food you bought here, and they've got to do something with it, then the food line will probably reimburse you for anything that happens, if it's related to that.

If your dogs are getting sick and shit like that, man, you need to take them down to the hospital.

There's a 24-hour pet hospital over in DeLand, not quite in DeLand, but it's on 1792.

Yeah.

Alright.

That's freaking...

What if I maybe gave him some milk or something?

Uh...

We're not supposed to...

Dogs...

Milk is really bad for dogs, I know.

They're not supposed to get milk.

That could have helped it.

So I don't know.

If the dog isn't doing good, you may need to get the hospital.

What's gonna happen?

If this dog dies, I mean, I'm gonna hold you personally accountable now.

Me personally?

Yeah, you told it to me in this stipulation and...

I mean, I think we can sort of...

You wrote me a check for $500, and I think we'll be all right.

No, I'm not writing you a check for $500.

Whoa.

I cannot be held personally responsible for this.

All right?

I just, I mean, I can't.

If you want to try and press action against me, then.

I mean, who's your manager?

Who does that aisle there?

Dog food aisle?

Yeah, who's the dog food manager?

There's no dog food manager.

We have a grocery manager here.

If you'd like to speak to him, but he's not in control of it either.

Just talk to the store manager.

He might not help you.

Hey, who's the store manager?

Neil Capel.

He'll be here probably.

That ain't one of them fake names you're giving me, is it?

No, it's not.

You can look it up in the phone book if you want to.

Do you think maybe $500, maybe I'll give you $20?

No, I'm not going to give you any money, sir.

No, no, I'm saying if the store manager gives me some, I'll give you some.

It doesn't work that way, sir.

It does not work that way.

Oh, no, I'm trying to help you out.

You scratch my back, I scratch yours.

Sir, I can't do that.

You don't want to accept my money?

No, that's rude.

If your dog's sick, I can tell you you should probably take him to the pet hospital.

I'm going to do that.

I'm just saying, look, you know, if I sue Food Lion and I win some money, I want you to have it.

That's not how it works, though.

I'm just saying, if we go to court and I win money, you know, it's all right.

You're going to help me out.

I'm not going to get in the middle of any of this.

I'll admit I don't care for Food Lion, but I'm not going to get in the middle of any of this.

Okay, what if I give you 20 bucks for my personal stash?

No.

What if I take you out for a beer?

I'm underage, first of all. I don't drink, second of all.

What about coke?

No.

You're a good guy.

What's his doctor's name over there in DeLand? Doctor who?

I honestly do not know. I've driven by it a couple of times.

It's near where Graves intersects, 1792.

You got anything maybe I can use to put him down?

Your food line? No, we don't carry anything like that here.

Well, what can I mix? I mean, you seem like a smart guy.

Do you know maybe some stuff I can mix up?

Is he outside or inside right now?

He's inside.

No, no, no. That wouldn't be good. Let him outside right now. If there's something wrong

in his stomach, he's going to start eating some grass. It'll make him throw up.

What if I give him some, like, newspaper?

Newspaper.

You got newspaper? Do you have any paper yet?

I don't know. No, it's not here yet. I don't know if that'll work with dogs, but let him

outside for a moment and see if he tries to eat grass, if he eats grass.

Dad, do you have enemas there?

Enemas?

Maybe if I put one in his mouth.

I don't know.

They're not supposed to be taken internally like that.

Or a douche.

Maybe in the rear.

Maybe it'll flush it out the back way.

Maybe it's halfway out there.

It was just a couple minutes ago, right?

Or like half an hour ago?

He just stopped barking.

That's not too good.

Go on a leash and take him out the front of your house and see if he eats grass.

If he eats grass and there's something wrong in his stomach right now,

and you need to get him to the vet.

I don't think he's moving.

My son.

My grandson's going to be pretty sad now.

It's his favorite dog.

This could happen.

This could happen at a worse time.

The holiday's coming up, hang on.

Oh, I can understand how bad that is.

I can understand how bad that is, sir.

Oh, yeah, he's down.

He's definitely down.

Oh, man, I'm gonna walk...

What do you think's gonna happen to you?

I'll put some poison in it?

I mean, you buy that cheap crap, that's what you get.

The damn carnivores, you know?

The best I can do, you know, is quickly bring him to the hospital.

They can pump his stomach.

They can see if there's anything wrong with him.

Do you have one of them steam machines over there?

I mean, I'm gonna need one now.

This looks nasty.

What kind of machine?

Yeah, we have those.

You think maybe they can get one for free real quick for an hour or two?

No, we can't give those out.

Oh, come on.

You killed my dog.

At least you could just let me clean up the puke and shit that you left down here.

Oh, my God.

Those things can take it out.

I know from experience they can take it out even after it dries.

Oh, look.

It stinks.

If you come back about 6 in the morning, sir, I can loan you one of those.

You loan me one?

$24 a day.

Oh, come on.

$20 a day.

Did you kill my dog?

Actually, have you come down here and cleaned it up?

I'll give you the $20.

if you come down and clean it up.

How about that?

If I put you to work?

Mm-mm.

I've got enough of it at my house.

No, not food, you know.

I know, I know.

I've got three animals of my own.

They like doing that at my house.

I've got to steam and clean the carpets about every month.

Oh, but these, these pukes, these death pukes,

that's some nasty stuff right there.

All right, then, I'm just trying to get you some workers on, you know,

and I don't know, I'm going to have to see what I can do here,

and I don't know, you killed my dog.

Come back in the morning about 7 o'clock,

and there will be a manager here you can talk to.

Tomorrow, Sunday, and I hope you go to church?

Me? No.

You're not, you don't love Jesus?

I'm not religious, no sir.

Oh, there he goes.

There's one, I think he's like trying to get up. Back legs aren't working.

Help, help him into your vehicle and try and get him to the hospital, cause I don't know what else I can do.

Alright, I got, I got some stuff here, I'll be up in a while.

Uh, I'll call you in about an hour, alright?

Need some more tips, alright?

Okay.

I enjoyed that.

As I said, that's entitled Dead Dog.

That's one of my very first prank calls that I successfully recorded

after I first got my first PC, and I'm quite proud of it.

I think that helicopter sound effect out of nowhere

just kind of made this poor guy realize he's being fucked around with.

Once again, to answer some questions while I was in the chat room,

yes, I can take calls.

I'm ready to go.

I'm all hooked up.

The number, I don't know by heart, so give me a freaking second here.

it is uh 888 i'm sorry let me say it slow 888-278-8509 and you can call it at any time

and uh if i'm talking fucking i'm gonna put you on hold so don't be a asshole about it but you

know i've got a shoulder right here in the background anyhow um uh trying to see i'm

getting i guess i got about 60 some people here so i'm doing a lot better than i thought i was

was going to be doing. I was expecting shooting for about a 10-person audience. I think they'll

put us in league with the competition on it this time on the other side, but I just want

to stay offhand. I don't have any beef with anybody, and taking the Thursday night show

wasn't as a direct attack at you-know-who or anything like that, but as I told someone

earlier today, if he wants to bring it, he can bring it. I heard there were some rumblings

on that show's website about a live show taking over tonight

and who would win head-to-head or something like that.

Just some rumblings, but, you know, people want to hate.

It's okay. It's not that big of a deal.

And let me see.

You can also join me on AOL Instant Messenger.

I'm at Madhouse Radio.

That's AOL Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio.

I'll get back to your IMs as quickly as possible when you send them on there.

I'm not the fastest cat out there and stuff like that.

And for the time being, well, it looks like we have our first phone call here.

I mean, you're on the Madhouse.

Who's this?

Hey, Carly, guess who I'm listening to?

Who are you listening to?

I'm listening to you.

Are you listening to me?

You don't say.

Well, you're on the phone.

Yeah, I am.

You're on the phone with me, you know.

Can you guess who this is?

Um, check.

I forgot caller ID, you know.

Uh, Phyllis Subber, PA.

Huh?

You're in the sub for Philadelphia and Pennsylvania.

I know that much.

Okay.

Who is this?

Seriously, come on.

Get on the ball here.

Who is this?

He's in the chat, and it's Spooky Rice Cakes.

They're the coil.

Spooky Rice Cakes.

Well, I have no idea who Spooky Rice Cakes is, to be honest with you,

but what exactly is a Spooky Rice Cake?

Rice Cake, Spooky, I mean, it's a synonym for scary.

So Rice Cake is scary.

Gotcha.

So are you afraid of Rice Cakes?

I know I eat Rice Cakes on a regular basis.

They're a great breakfast food.

What?

Do you eat Rice Cakes?

I mean, what's so spooky about them?

And did you have a bad experience of rice cakes when you were a kid or something?

I mean, what's the story?

Yeah.

Well, what happened?

What, you were forced to eat them, or?

It killed my cat.

Killed your cat?

What, you poisoned rice cake?

Yeah.

Exactly.

Yeah?

Did you poison it, though?

I mean, they don't come poisoned from the store, you know.

Well, what was that?

You're, like, on a delay.

What are you talking to me on?

Are you, like, in Iraq or something talking?

No.

It sounds like I'm interviewing somebody, like, a reporter in Tel Aviv or something right now.

Wait a second.

I need to fuck around with this phone.

You have actually just gotten kicked off the network here.

I'll call back later.

You're going to call back later?

It sounds fucked up.

It sounds fucked up?

What sounds fucked up?

The sound.

It keeps being fucked up.

I like it.

Well, you call back.

All right.

Bye-bye.

All right, bye.

Okay.

And I'm being told now that was actually Monkey Phone Matt.

So, hey, Monkey Phone Matt.

Next time, just please tell me who you're off.

Man, I don't like playing 50 questions, you know.

Not if you're...

Anyhow, I'm going to go ahead and take my first break real quick here while I reorganize myself here.

and answer you a few questions.

Spooky rice cakes, all right.

Anyway, it is now 1029 Eastern Standard Time on PCU Radio.

It's door to me, it's been sold to niggers.

Yeah, crack it, that house is fire.

PCU Radio, bitch.

And we're back.

And I was totally expecting music to be playing right now,

but I guess I fucked up somewhere.

where, anyhow, um, I hope I'm still on, sorry about that earlier, the reason I got knocked

out, I don't know how far y'all gotten to me talking, but, um, as I said before, we

are having some thunderstorms in this area, they happen, for some reason, in the last

month and a half, we have a storm every night here, at about the same goddamn time, and

fucking, it's hell, because I'll be in the middle of downloading something, and it's

a sure bet that at some point, if I start it before 5pm, um, I'm gonna have to restart

it later on, uh, because it's like clockwork here, it's like the freaking monsoons in

in Vietnam, anyhow, I've got some requests here to make some phone calls, and I'm gonna get on

those as soon as I can, I promise, and, um, yeah, oh yeah, once again, the, uh, toll-free number to

call in, please, please, because I hate talking so long by myself, I feel like I'm gonna shoot

myself, the toll-free number is 1-888-278-8509, and it's inside the chat as we speak right now,

Now, just in case.

Again, that's 888-278-8509.

And thank you for everybody who is participating in the AOL.

I have you guys, a few of you out there.

I've got Milkman is on, and I've got Prankmaster talking to me,

and, of course, the master of disaster, KDK.

And that is Madhouse Radio, Madhouse Radio.

And I have a caller coming in.

Again.

What's up again?

How are you doing there, me?

Doing good.

How are you?

I'm pretty good.

So this is Matt?

Yes, this is.

is. What's up, man? How you doing? Good. You're doing good on the show. Yeah, you like it?

That's good. That's it. I like the support. I like the support. Good job. So what's up

on your end? What's up on your end over there? What are you up to tonight? I'm listening

to you. Yeah? How are you talking to me? I'm telling you, there's like this weird satellite

link-up delay or something. Are you on like a satellite phone or something? I'm on a cell

phone. Yeah, a cell phone? A shitty cell phone. Is it like a prepaid, like a Virgin Wireless

cell phone? No, it's a Motorola one, but it's a piece of shit. Yeah? Shit. Indeed.

Indeed.

Oh, shit.

So you're in PA then, right?

Huh?

You're in Pennsylvania?

You're calling from Pennsylvania, right?

That's where you live?

Yes, I am.

That's cool.

I'll be in Pennsylvania at the end of the month.

Maybe we can link up.

Okay, yeah.

And I'll be spending a week out there.

So if, I don't know what part of Pennsylvania.

And you know what?

I don't have any idea what part of Pennsylvania I'm going to be in.

So I'm wondering, am I on the air right now?

Yes, I am.

Great, great.

I've got to figure out a way to, like, get all this together.

You know what I mean?

It's like, everything's, I've got a thousand things going on.

And I have two monitors in my setup here at home

And I'm telling you, I have stuff everywhere

I've got AOL on one side

I've got the chatroom

The Java chatroom on the other side

And I'm jumbling a lot of shit

Anyway, I'm rambling

I'm rambling anyway

So, what do you got for me?

I don't know, I just called in, man

You just called in?

Well, that's cool, that's cool

I appreciate the support

You have anything you want to plug or something?

No, not doing anything nowadays

Nothing?

Shit

Sucks

Alright, well

So, hey, man, well, please be a regular caller, and please keep listening in, and please share any ideas.

I'm sorry for being a boring caller right now.

No, no, no, no, no.

You know what it is?

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

I'm way over my head right now.

All I know is that I've got you on the phone, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do next.

So I'm trying to drag this out as long as possible.

But in the back of my mind, I'm, like, trying to do something.

I'm giving you some support on the show.

Well, yeah, it's all good.

Good job, Carlito.

All right.

Doing a good job.

All right.

And I wish you good night.

We all do prime calls with you.

Well, hopefully not.

We definitely need to set that up.

Go to my web page.

By the way, my temporary web page, I don't know if you have a link to it.

It's in the PCU Radio.

I'm pretty sure you can link to it.

If you click on the show logo, go on there and click on it.

I probably can.

Yeah.

I'll take a look at that.

Do that, and we'll keep in touch.

I love collaboration, and I think we could definitely get some shit going on.

Yeah.

Right on.

Right on, Kat.

All right, man.

Well, you have a good night, sir.

Bye-bye.

All right, then.

That's Matt, everybody.

that's Matt. Honestly, I am way in over my head right now, and I'm stuttering like a

fool. I'm trying to get everything all linked up here correctly. What am I going to do here?

I'm going to go ahead and play another one of my calls, one of my classic calls here,

while I get everything working 100%. I do apologize, this is a test night tonight. I

promise I will attempt to do at least one prank phone call before the night is over, so please

bear with me stay on and there will be a big payoff at the end like a very very cheesy porno

um this next call let me see which one i can play yeah um y'all heard cake boy on katie k's show

last saturday so i'm not gonna that's a long call too that's like 10 minutes that's like i gotta go

take a drop a deuce in an emergency so i'll play that call i'll keep that bad boy there um i'm

I'm going to go ahead and play this call called Nigga Cab.

Some of you may have, this is the only call that I think is hosted on PCU Radio right now.

And some of you may have not heard it, but I considered my entry to prank calls here.

And I'm going to play it for you all.

And once again, this is Nigga Cab.

This is a redneck guy that I called whose name came up as Michael Frazier,

owner of some sort of taxi service in Backwoods, Florida.

Some crazy redneck guy.

and I called him about 1 o'clock in the morning

saying I needed a ride from a bar home or something.

I don't even remember what the fuck.

So hilarity ensues, and here we go.

This is PCU Radio.

Hello?

How you doing?

This is Allen.

What?

This is Allen.

I need a ride.

Where you at?

I'm over here at the bar.

What?

I'm over here at the bar.

Who the hell is this?

I don't know.

Hello?

Hello, yeah, this is the taxi service.

Who the fuck is this?

Is this the taxi service?

Man, I'm about to fucking whoop some of these asses.

Who the fuck is this?

Is this the taxi service, sir?

You think this shit is funny, huh?

Is this the taxi service?

Yeah, this is the taxi service.

You want to put your head on my motherfucking wall, motherfucker?

Look, sir, I got a man over here.

He's on diarrhea all over himself.

We need to get him out of the bar.

We're here to bury him.

Yeah, I'll give you a fucking man diarrhea or something.

You see the fucking brain I'm about to stick in your ass.

Who the fuck are you?

Listen here, sir.

Now, I don't understand you.

I don't appreciate your violence on me.

Now, I'm the man you had at the bar.

and I need to get this man out of here.

He drunk and he can't drive.

Now, are you going to help us out or not?

You jive turkey-ass motherfucker, what are your problems now?

Jive turkey, you bitch.

You didn't hear, boy.

You don't talk to me like that now.

Who are you?

You damn racist people over here, random car taxi company.

You going to come pick the man up or not?

You jive turkey motherfucker.

Who are you speaking to, Sean?

What's your name?

Let's speak to your manager.

All right, but you better talk white in about three seconds

or your ass is going to be fucking knowing something about fucking off, buddy.

Now, I need to know if you can come pick up your man or not.

Where the hell are you?

We're over here at Dickie Doo's in DeBerry.

Dickie Doo's?

Yeah.

Man, you just show me a place, dude.

I'm about to come whoop some motherfuckers' ass

because I don't even know who the fuck you're talking about.

How much you going to charge, you guy?

Pick somebody up over here to the taxi tab.

Man, this ain't no motherfucking taxi, man.

I'm going to come fucking pick somebody up.

I'm going to whoop their goddamn ass.

I'll kick your ass, you son of a bitch, and your goddamn mother.

What?

You motherfuckin' nigger, how you like that, you piece of shit?

I'm a motherfuckin' nigger, you motherfuckin' nigger.

You nigger, motherfuckin'.

He's probably a nigger, man.

What?

What you don't...

Sir, let me speak to Michael Frasier.

Man, I'm a motherfuckin'...

This is a private goddamn phone.

This is a white man that don't want to hear from no goddamn niggers calling me in the fuckin' middle of the night.

Listen, listen, boy.

Listen, boy.

I'll show you a boy with a 12-gauge shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen, cracker.

three letters. Listen here, cracker. Listen here, cracker. I'll show you some fucking

three-letter, motherfucker. I'll see you here. I'll see you here. I'll see you here in your

taxi. I'm going to urinate in your gas tank. I'll give you shit about gas tank. I'll see

you in your ass. Shut up, motherfucker. I don't know who the fuck you are. Who you?

Are you Michael Frazier? Man, this ain't Michael Frazier, man. This is a motherfucking

white man. Shut up. I'm going to have the wrong number then. Yeah, you got the fucking

wrong number. It's a fucking no-call-this-number-again. Listen here. Listen here. Hang on. Listen

the fuck you are, and I'm going to come in and beat you up.

Oh, hello, this is, uh, I'm David, the manager here at the bar.

What seems to be a problem?

I don't care what the fuck is a problem, but someone's calling up my goddamn phone.

I ain't a fucking taxi cab.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Now, listen to me.

I heard, I've, I've had you calling my, this establishment plenty of times now, and I'm

going to have a trace.

Why are you calling here being violent?

We've had some guy calling here making racist comments before.

Is this him?

I ain't calling making racist comments.

I'm calling racist comments now because I want to hear some fucking nigger call me.

Excuse me, Leroy over here is saying, Leroy over here is saying you're calling him a nigger

And stuff

Why do you have to call people nigger for

What's your problem

We call the taxi service

And try to get in touch with Mr. Frazier

Great great

Hey everybody what's up

Once again throwing out the phone number out there

It is

It's

1-888-278-8509

And

That would be great if you guys could call in

Anyhow I'm going to go ahead and attempt

To call here pretty quickly

specifically that I think most of you guys will enjoy. I'm not going to give you guys much of a

setup for it, but we'll see how it goes. Anyhow, it looks like the storms have subsided, so I don't

think I'm going to be getting kicked off of here any longer. I'm probably going to shoot for, like

I said before, an hour and a half of total show. We started just after 10 o'clock, so we're looking

in just about 40, 50 minutes, maybe more of a show before I'm going to have to call it

quits over here. Anyhow, give me a second here. I'm going to take another quick break.

I promise I'll be back very quickly, and I will be ready to set up my first outbound

call for you all to hear. This is PC Radio. You're listening to The Madhouse. And by the

way, if you guys want to join me in chat, I see there's quite a few number of people

I know there's a lot of you guys listening right now and a lot who are not on the chat.

So if you do have Java, like I said, Java is a free download.

It's not very hard.

It's pretty brainless to get.

You just want to go to java.com.

Or if you use IRC, we also have the IRC site up.

And that is, I need more RAM, pcuradio.dyndns.org.

O-R-G.

And I'm going to go ahead and take a break.

As I said, once again, I'll be right back as soon as possible.

Thank you for listening.

Brooklyn.

On PC Jewel.

What?

What are you a motherfucker?

Okay.

I promise I'm going to use his phone number.

Thank you once again for the input that you gave me.

I'm going to go ahead and use those.

I'm going to try to get a call to the Church of Satan here.

If I have time.

If time and technology permits, I will try to prank call the Church of Satan.

One that I can trust Prankmaster on.

Right now?

All right, okay, good for Mrs. Q.

That song, by the way, that you're just listening to now is Talib Kweli.

Talib, I don't know how the fuck you pronounce it.

The song is called Get By.

There's a few versions of it that float around there.

You got Jay-Z, you got Busta Rhymes joining in on him in one of the remixes, which is the one I prefer.

Okay, anyhow, let me go ahead and try to dial out.

I really could use something from KD Candice.

He's like a fucking pro at calling these 800 numbers for these phone cards on the fly.

I'm going to try to see what I can do right now.

Be right back, guys.

Welcome to Sprint's prepaid calling.

Sprint!

Press 1 for English.

Please enter your prepaid card number.

The calling value for this card has been used.

Master, he's listening right now.

He said he had work to do.

He fell experiment.

Let's try that one more time.

I heard this happen to KDK.

I'm tempted to make calls, and the phone card's already used up.

I don't know what's going on.

I'll be right back with you guys.

Paul Meese.

While we connect your call.

How you doing there?

Who is this?

Hey, how you doing?

This is Cross.

I can barely hear you.

Cross, this is Cross.

How you doing?

How are you?

Hey, how many relay calls have you taken tonight?

Oh, too many.

Yeah?

Too many.

Not much talent out there tonight, huh?

They were good.

Did you do that last one?

Oh, yeah.

That was me.

You know it.

That was good.

Did you like it?

But don't do too many.

They make me ill.

They're not predictable at all, are they?

Duh.

Listen, give me like 7-8 minutes and call back and I'll put you on the air.

No, that's okay, faggot. Later.

Okay, what's up everybody? I wonder who that was. I wonder who that was.

And damn it, that fucking went out.

KDK, you warned me about that.

Once again, the phone number is 1-888-278-8509.

That's 1-888-278-8509.

I'm going to go ahead and play, once again, another classic Carlito prank call that none of you, I assume, have heard yet, unless you've been to PCURadio.com very recently.

Hopefully, this is one of the ones that is going to sound better than most.

This is entitled, Gay Marriages.

This is a prank call to a bank call center in Canada, where I'm obviously confused, and actually, I try to have phone sex with the male customer service representative.

Here we go.

Hey, you got any women over there working today?

No, none tonight.

How come?

I don't know, Mark.

You mean you don't know why?

I need some help with my account there, Brad.

I don't know if I can. What do you need, man?

You know, I'm just trying to get an authorization here, trying to call a phone.

I said it's the client. I was wondering if maybe you could help me out, you know?

Actually, I can't. Right now, our systems are undergoing an overnight updating process,

and I don't have access to any of your information at this time.

They won't until 7.30 a.m. Eastern Time.

What was your name, Mark?

I'm sorry?

What was your name, Mark?

Brad.

Brad, all you gotta do is talk to me for a little bit, man.

Fuck yeah.

You want me to spend minutes?

Just talk to me about your job real quick.

Just talk to me.

Nah, I can't do that.

I'm a busy man.

Oh, well, your computers are down.

You can spare some time.

No, I can't.

Well, where do you live?

You live in the Canada area?

Yeah, I do.

Nice.

I heard y'all have gay marriages up there and stuff.

What's that?

I heard y'all have gay marriages up there.

Gay marriages?

I heard it's legal up there.

Um, not that I'm aware of.

I gotta go, buddy.

Well, don't go yet.

Come on.

See you later.

Is there someone else here maybe who can talk to me?

Uh, Carlito Beck here. Shut up.

Um, yeah, seriously, guys, I don't know if you guys have heard these relay prank calls that have been going around.

It started out, um, I've done them before.

I'll be honest, and you can scare the shit out of somebody.

If you get the right kind of paranoid old person, the instant they hear a voice like an operator talking on the phone,

it doesn't matter what it is.

If it's 2 o'clock in the morning and you call a random person with that voice,

they immediately think something's happened to a loved one.

and I'm guilty of discovering the relay services

and calling people out in the middle of the night

and I really freaked the hell out of one of my really good friends

a good buddy of mine from high school

I called his grandmother's house after he had been missing for a few days

and I called his grandmother's house

with a relay call

and for all intents and purposes it sounded like I was an operator

from a police dispatch saying something had happened to him

and he doesn't know about that but either way

um so um yeah relay calls suck it's just um even howard's been doing them lately and those are

pretty good but uh that's because they're edited down i mean how much it works for some people i

mean if you don't have a lot to talk about like well i can't talk about myself but if you don't

have a lot to say out there um i guess you can really drag out a show by getting people constantly

calling you with relay calls and just uh racking the time up that way but hey that's your thing i

I guess that's your thing.

Whatever.

We're not going to hate.

We're not going to hate here on the Madhouse.

We're just going to participate.

That rhymed.

I'm going to play another classic call here while I get set up to make one last outbound prank call to hopefully the Church of Satan.

And Prankmaster, don't worry if you don't hear it because I will make sure that I can get that call.

If it's nice, I'll get it nice and edited out and make it available to everybody, including you, on my homepage,

page which is temporarily it's a very long convoluted name it's home.cfl.rr.com forward

slash madhouse radio and i have i have a pretty good idea that none of you are going to copy that

so quickly so what i'm doing now is i'm actually going into the chat room and i am posting it for

all you great people there and then in accordance uh with kdk's assistance as usual he has placed

that actually a direct link on the PCU

radio main homepage

what you want to do is point

your browser to

PCU radio dot com

and click on the show

banner Carlitos

Madhouse it's about half way down the

page that'll take you to that bunch

of bullshit that I just spewed out to you

and you'll be able to

check out and update it I'm trying to update

as much as possible with information on the show

and you

You should be able to link up to RCAP Media, including tonight's show, the best parts of it, the worst parts of it.

I am going to be making those available as soon as possible.

And pretty soon I'll have some decent hosting so I can just keep stuff on my own and not be stealing KDK's space.

Well, here we go with another prank call.

As I said, this is going to be Confused in Vegas.

No, I don't want to play that one. I guess I should.

Actually, let me play this for you real quick.

You know, I put up that 800 number, that 888 number, my toll-free number, over the weekend.

I set it up.

And I made the mistake of making it available on the homepage.

And I got a weird call over the weekend.

Actually, I had my voicemail still set up.

So if you'd call the toll-free number, you'd actually get through to my voicemail.

I'm going to play this voicemail real quick right here for you guys to listen.

And this is what I woke up to on Sunday morning.

New message, Monday, 3.07 p.m.

whoever that was i'm not angry and i'm not upset and you're not gonna get in trouble but if you

turn yourself in i'd be very very interested in hearing about that because um hearing who it is

because you have a great voice talent and i could probably use you in some mongoloid type

prank call and you know be nice if i hit enter here enter all right there i just posted the

web page um in the chat room and uh check out right here okay let me play a prank call now

Now, as I said, it's a really short prank call.

I'm sorry.

It won't take up much of your time.

This is Confused in Vegas.

It's in the vein of the last call that we played with the bank agent.

This is a credit card company.

And once again, I'm obviously confused and think I'm talking to a phone sex line

because my card has declined.

And I'm thinking the customer service representative is the actual phone sex operator.

So let's go ahead and play this.

And I'd like you all to know that I will never spend money on phone sex.

It's a waste of money.

Don't do it, kids.

It's very enticing, but it's fake.

Anyway, you're listening to PCU Radio, and here is my next prank call.

One minute, 41 seconds.

Be right back.

My name is Melissa.

May I have your name, please?

Yeah, hey, what was your name?

Melissa.

Hey, Melissa, how you doing?

Look, let me explain my situation.

Maybe you can help me out, sweetie.

Okay.

Like, I was using my credit card, my first USA card here, you know?

Mm-hmm.

And I'm here in Las Vegas right now, and the missus is over there in New York and stuff.

You know, I'm kind of bored, and I tried to call one of those, you know, phone lines, and it says my card has declined, and they said I had to call this number here for help.

Okay.

And it says you can help me out.

Could I have the account number, please?

Yeah, hang on.

It says you can help me out.

Like, what part of town do you live in?

How old are you?

I'm in Florida, sir.

Oh, yeah?

I heard that, like, this line, how much are you going to charge now?

I'm sorry?

They said to call this number, I get connected to a lady who talked to me.

Okay, sir, I work for the credit card company in a bank.

Oh, you don't work for the default sex company?

No, sir, I don't.

They said they'd call this number that, uh...

This is the number for the credit card. Could I have the account number?

It was a free tie-on. I need about five minutes.

Okay, I can hold for one minute, sir. I'm not able to hold for five.

One minute?

Yes, sir.

Okay, let me see what I can do, okay?

Uh, can you talk? It's a lot easier if you can talk.

Okay, sir, can I have the number you're calling from, sir?

Okay, that's that.

Um, she was so goddamn disgusted. Poor girl.

For what money she makes, she has to go through that.

see I'm trying to get everything set up here and for some reason I cannot make any calls out on my

phone I do have VOIP voice over internet bullshit phone which is I get I get cheap phones but it's

linked up to my cable which is linked up to my internet which is linked up to my wireless rider

and it's freaking lightning and whatnot so it's it goes down and let me try once again here to

gonna make a call see that actually all right guys i'm sorry sorry about the inbound call here

so obviously i can receive calls but i can't make them this isn't happening during my testing all

week i've been really serious about this um but unfortunately i can't make any more phone calls

tonight and i think it's 11 16 and i think i've made a pretty good effort tonight and unfortunately

if i can't get calls in and i can't make calls out there's not much to do with a prank call show

so i am going to go ahead and play one more song for the night and i'm going to call it

But a victorious night for me.

And we will be here again next Thursday at 10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time on PCU Radio.

Sorry to disappoint you all, but it's the first night.

I hope you guys enjoyed the show.

I've gotten some good feedback.

So I'm going to go ahead and call it quits for now.

Once again, I want to remind you all that you've got KDK.

His flying show is on Saturday nights.

We also have Zolar from the Howard Stern Show.

He's going to be on tomorrow night starting at 10 p.m.

And I believe his guest is Andrea, who is the former Miss Howard Stern.

And I guess they're tight and whatnot, and she's supposed to be on.

And I won't be there for it, but I'm sure I'll get the feedback afterwards.

And Sunday night you have Mr. Sean Ward.

I'm not sure whether or not Sean Ward is even doing calls, doing the live show.

I've never talked to the guy, never met him, but I've heard his show a few times.

He seems pretty cool.

And I believe we got, who we got?

Billy Mira from the Howard Stern Show.

So he does the Aussie voices.

The guy is hilarious.

And I guess his show starts Monday nights at 8 p.m.

And you can catch the repeat of the Lunatic Fringe, which is KDK's show, live on Saturdays at 10.

You can catch that Wednesday nights at 10 p.m.

It's the Madhouse Eve.

And other than that, like I said, I'm going to call it quits.

Thank you, everybody, for participating.

You guys have been great.

And I really hope that next week everything will run a lot more smoothly.

But I'm very, very happy that all of you guys were able to join me tonight.

night. And, uh, okay. That's it. Everybody.

Shut your ass up, boy, I don't want you Better listen when I talk, nigga, don't trip

Yo, heat in the car, mine's in this bitch I ain't tryna be, I'm tryna get my drink on

Now my dime is my fitter than my mink on I'ma kick it at the bar till it's time to go

Then I'ma get shorty here and I'ma let her know

All a nigga really need, baby Not a lot, baby, girl, just a little bit

We can hit it to the crib in a little bit I can show you how I live in a little bit

I wanna unbutton your pants just a little bit

Take em off, pull em down just a little bit

Get to kissin' and touchin' a little bit

Get to lickin' it, you know, a little bit

50, comin' out your stereos

Hard to tell though, cause I switched the flow

Eyes a little low, cause I twist the jaw

Packs on slow, cause I moved the O's

My neck, my wrist, my ears is froze

Come get your bitch, she on me, dawg

She must've heard about the dough

Now, Captain, come on and say, law

I get it crunk in the club, I'm off the chain

Number one on the chart all the time, man

When the kid in the house, I turned it out

Keep the dance floor packed, that's without a doubt

But shorty shake that thing like a bro, man

She backed it up on me, I'm like, oh man

I got close enough to her so I knew she could hit

System thumping, party jumping, I said loud and clear

All a nigga really need is a little bit

Not a lot or just a little bit

We can head to the crib in a little bit

I can show you how I live in a little bit

I want to unbutton your pants just a little bit

Take them off, pull them down just a little bit

Get to kissing and touching a little bit

Get to licking it, you know, a little bit

You got me feeling right, you heard me

My mama gone, you can spend the night, you heard me

I ain't playing, I'm trying to f*** the night, you heard me

Clothes off, face down, ass up, come on

Calls (8, 27 min of 49 min)

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