2005-07-21 Show

Welcome to the Madhouse. The Madhouse is broadcast to you every Thursday night at 10 p.m. Eastern on PCU Radio.

Join us in chat at PCUradio.com or call in toll free at 1-888-278-8509.

And now, on with the show.

Welcome to the Madhouse. Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern on PCU Radio.

You've heard of Mr. Madhouse.

Hey man, what's going on?

Yeah, look, can you tell Larry that the Madhouse will be right back?

I'm sorry, I don't know a Larry.

He was...

God damn it, boy.

I'm sorry, this conversation is vulgar and I'm not going to talk any longer.

God damn it.

What's up, everybody? Good evening.

You're on the Madhouse, as usual, Thursday night, second episode.

Thank you for joining.

I'm your host, Carlito, and I am joined here tonight by my beautiful girlfriend, Athena.

Say hi.

Anyway, tonight, tonight is Thursday.

Thursday, I'm talking way too loud, I'm sorry.

Tonight is Thursday, July the 21st.

And as I said, you're in the madhouse, and I want to give out really quickly, first of all,

I want lots of callers tonight, please.

And I promise I will be making plenty of phone calls because I've had a rough day,

and nothing makes me feel better than to give other people shit.

And the phone number here is 1-888-278-8590.

Again, my number is toll-free. It's free. 1-888-278-8509.

You can also join me in chat at PCURadio.com. Once again, that is PCURadio.com.

All you need is your Java client set up. It's completely free as usual.

PCU Radio is completely free, by the way. You don't have to pay for any of this.

So, enjoy. Please, take advantage of it.

You can also reach me via any of the instant messaging programs, really anything out there that I can think of.

You can reach me on AOL at Madhouse Radio.

You can also reach me via Yahoo at Madhouse PCU Radio.

I have an ICQ number set up, and I don't feel like reading it out.

I have a feeling no one out there even uses ICQ anymore, so what's the point?

And I'm on MSN at Madhouse Radio, I'm sorry, at MadhousePCURadio at MSN.com.

You can reach me through there.

But as always, the principal way to get in touch with me would be by phone.

And I'll repeat the number once again.

That's 1-888-278-8509.

Hope you all are having a great night.

And I hope you all have had a good week.

And yes, OxyContin, OxyContin, how is it?

How do you say Oxycontin?

Is it Oxycontin or Oxycontin?

With an N or a T, just one.

T?

Like cotton, you're sure.

Okay.

Oxycontin, I guess he has it right.

Yes, I listen to a lot of rap.

I listen to just about anything, except for country music.

But I'm pretty open-minded, so things like that are just fine.

Let's see what I can do here.

Like I said, I'm going to make a lot of prank phone calls.

I'm not going to be on next week.

I'm going to be out of town.

So, for the most part, I would love it if I could get a lot of prank calls out there

so I can set up a nice collage for you guys to listen to next week,

as long as I'll be able to get KDK to get a copy of that.

I'm going to be really pressed for time,

so I'm going to try everything that I can to get that set up

and have something for you guys to listen to next Thursday.

I apologize for it not being live, but I am doing what I can.

Other than that, I'm going to go ahead and set myself up here really soon

to get my first prank phone call out of the way.

Going along with what's been happening in the news today,

we've had the second attempt at bombings in London by terrorists, by Al-Qaeda.

I'd like to say, first of all, fuck Al-Qaeda,

because they're just fucking ruining it for everybody else out there.

And I'd like to visit London one day, but not if I'm going to be afraid of getting blown up.

And that may be narrow-minded of me, but I'm just really tired of shit like that.

So either way, Prankmaster out there has always provided me with the tools to run my prank machine.

He's been gracious enough to give me some recently tested calls,

calls, recently tested phone numbers out there, and he assures me that there's an Arab gentleman

who has answered his phone as of about an hour ago, if not less. So I'm going to go

ahead and try to get a hold of him just shortly, if I can figure out where exactly that was.

You know, here, everybody, please give me a second. Okay, I can't even read that shit.

Everybody, hang tight for a second. I'm going to play a little bit of music while I get

us on the phone with our first prank call of the night.

Welcome to Sprint's prepaid calling.

It's one for English.

Marque dos para español.

Por favor, marque el número de su tarjeta prepagada Sprint.

Usted tiene 23 minutos disponibles para esta llamada.

Por favor, marque el código de área y el número de teléfono que usted desea llamar.

El número de teléfono que usted marcó está incorrecto.

Por favor, marque de nuevo.

Manténgase en la línea mientras conectamos su llamada.

Hello. Assalamu alaikum. Wa alaikum assalam. Wa alaikum assalam. Wa alaikum assalam. Wa alaikum assalam. Wa alaikum assalam. Wa alaikum assalam. Wa alaikum assalam. Wa alaikum assalam. I don't know what you say. Wa alaikum assalam. Who are you? What is your name? Kous Kous. For me? Kous Kous. Kous Kous? Who are you? What do you want? Wa alaikum assalam. What do you want? I want wa alaikum assalam. We don't have anybody with his name. Whose name? Whatever you say.

Who would I say?

I don't know.

I don't know much Arabic.

I know enough.

I know pretty much if you say,

or whatever you say.

How do you say it?

Do you know, woman?

Try it.

Pretty much, I think it's a sin for them not to say it back to you,

or something like that.

It's almost offensive.

If I say that to them,

if they don't say it back,

it's bad things for them.

I guess they don't get their ten virgins or whatever.

But that was interesting.

Anyway, let me see here.

Who we got next?

By the way, let me get the phone numbers out again because I could use some help here.

As usual, it's a toll-free call.

It's 1-888-278-8509.

Is that even working?

Can you test that out for me?

Thanks.

She's going to test it out.

She's been helping.

You've been great today, by the way, helping me out with everything.

I really appreciate your help.

I appreciate your help, baby.

Anyway, let me see who I can get on the line next.

I'd like to prank call an old person.

You know what?

Actually, you know what?

I've done some research on my owner, and I've got a gentleman.

And if he answers, and he did answer about an hour ago when I called him on my cell phone,

if this guy answers again, it's going to be great.

This guy is, he's, I know him through, how do I say this?

Somebody who I work with knows this person.

He's just a little insane, this guy, and I'm going to try to get him in line here.

Bear with me one moment, and I will be right back with Mr. Pasquale.

Mr.

Welcome to Sprint Prepaid Calling.

Press 1 for English.

English. Market book. Please enter your prepaid card number. You have 30 minutes available for this call. Please enter the area code and phone number you wish to call. Please hold while we connect your call.

Pascuale. Who you talk so loud to me? Where's Pascuale? Pascuale. Pascuale. Pascuale. Where is Pascuale? Don't be stupid, carajo. Hurry up. Hello. Hello.

Hello, hey Pascuale, you son of a bitch, speak English America, you son of a bitch, you mother fucker, I don't speak Spanish, I know, you speak English I say, you mother fucker, you mother fucker, you mother bitch, you bitch, don't never, don't never call against this point man,

mow my lawn

do my fucking

why you so angry

where's my squalor

I gotta fuck you man

I fuck you

you like it

bitch

that was great

can you hear that back there

you can hear a little bit of it

I'm gonna have to replay that later

that was great

I don't know

I must have dialed the wrong number but

I knew there was gonna be a payoff with that one

there's definitely gonna be a payoff with that one

I definitely am

okay

um

you're testing out the phone number

we're gonna show you all how you dial

you ready

it's uh

one eight eight eight

two seven eight

eight five

0909

Do you have a signal here?

Hi.

Hey, how you doing?

I'm good, how are you?

Good, pretty good.

No one's calling.

What?

No one's calling.

I don't know.

What are you waiting for?

Shut up.

I'm going to go ahead and take my first break so I can regroup here.

Sort out.

I'm going to sort out some numbers I'm going to call.

A lot of people tonight, I assure you.

Who just sent me some numbers?

Someone out there sent me numbers.

Please send numbers also.

If you're not going to call, the least you can do is give me something to do.

I'm like a trained monkey, and I lose direction if I don't have something to do.

and I can't get back to the fucking screen that I'm looking for

any second now, I got so much shit open

man, so much shit, hey Athena

what's 39 plus 26

65 right, yes, yeah

that's how many people listening right now, that's how many people

listening right now, isn't that great, anyway

let me, as I said, commercial break, that's what I'm gonna

do now, we're gonna take a little break

a little rest a bit, I'm gonna get organized, gonna come

back and we will knock down some

more prank calls, please

email me, message me

the website is home.cfl.r

RRR.com forward slash Madhouse Radio.

If you are in the chat, I'm about to post it in just about two seconds.

So y'all can follow and participate in the website.

And you'll see all the different ways you can contact me tonight.

As I was saying, anyhow, please, please, please give me a call.

Right?

It's quiet here.

There's not much to do here in Orlando.

How long have you been in Orlando for?

You like it?

I'm just trying to kill time while I remember how it is that I do this.

Hang on here.

All right.

No, no, I need to get this right.

The way I have this set up, I get a chance to bullshit for a few seconds, right?

Any second.

Oh, yeah, I got it.

Okay, so, yeah, Mr. Peepers, thank you for the numbers.

That's what I was saying.

Mr. Peepers and Pragmasa, anybody else out there, please send me your stuff.

You're listening to The Madhouse on PCU Radio.

On PCJU Radio.

What?

What are you a motherfucker?

Combat operations in Iraq have ended.

The Madhouse will return after this.

My fellow Americans.

You're in the madhouse on ACU Radio.

Play some Tetris, motherfucker.

Lines are now open.

The pledge drive right now.

If you do me a favor, for some reason, you sent me a bunch of numbers in Daytona Beach

and the list that I just called that Eric got from.

If you can send that back to me, I don't know what I've done with it.

I think I may have closed it in an accident.

Anyway, I'm going to give a call here to someone.

Who sent this in?

Okay, yeah, this is a guy.

This is a number from Master Deere.

This is Anita Cock in Oregon.

Oregon? Oregon?

You know, I made that up, when I was in 8th grade, I think I made that up myself.

Like, I would call Walmart asking for Anita Cock.

And then, um, what you'd get is this, you'd actually, what I'd do is my parents would take me to Walmart every Saturday, every Sunday night.

It was an every Sunday night thing.

And I would always end up, like, playing Street Fighter 2, like, for an hour.

I'd waste, like, five bucks on it.

And right next to that was a payphone.

and I'd save my last dollar to call the Walmart

and prank them four times here in the night.

And the cool thing was I used to call and it's Anita Dick.

No, no, no, I used to ask for Anita Dick.

And what they do is, you know, they get on the microphone

and Anita Dick, Anita Dick, and it's very funny

because you make them say the dick.

Okay.

All right, let me get Anita Cock on the line.

I'll be right back with you guys.

It is 1040.

You're caught.

Michigan.

What's in Ann Arbor, Michigan?

Aren't there, like, steel mills there and shit?

I think we're going to have to take this call.

Ann Arbor, Michigan, call back, please.

I just stopped everything for you.

I'll get you.

You know what?

This is on delay.

You know what?

When I'm talking now, they don't know what I'm saying.

It's crazy, right?

Because what I'm saying now is being broadcast into...

Well, Ann Arbor, Michigan, do not call back until you hear the end of this call.

We're going to try this again.

Let me get some better music for you guys here.

You guys said you don't like that.

That's gay.

No.

You want to enter your prepaid card number.

Who do you, no, you probably owe money to somebody in the Philippines, right?

Oh, no, not me, not at all.

You sound old as fuck.

I'm just an old grandpa, don't you know?

You sound old as fuck.

Were you in WW2?

Huh?

Were you in WW2?

Oh, no.

No?

Were you in Korea?

Yeah.

No, no, no, I went to South Africa for a couple months.

South Africa for, oh, really?

Yeah.

World War II is about seven years long, sir.

Yeah, I know.

All right, what'd you do for the rest of the six years and ten months?

I was in World War II.

So now you were?

No, I don't work now, I'm retired.

You're retired now?

You're going to dodge my questions?

Huh?

You're going to dodge my questions, are you?

I can't hear you, let me get my hearing aid.

I got to talk closer.

Hey, can you hear me?

Yeah, this is better, right?

No, a little bit more.

Old man!

Come on, louder!

Turn up your hearing aid.

yeah are you nervous it's okay if you're nervous i'm nervous myself i don't know i don't know

they answer they're just paranoid i keep on talking my teeth fall out of my mouth get

a damn polygrip well you get well you got to do better than polygrip you gotta uh there's

better stuff than polygrip out there you know oh really we're to give that walmart uh yeah

you got to get some of that zebra cum hey why don't we call walmart should be got some better

stuff for my teeth they probably do i recommend not buying the walmart brand though i should have

given cancer oh well i didn't know that yeah well then yeah then you need to get the gums replaced

back in that case you know yeah interesting interesting so uh what's your name sir

my name is john john yeah john what johnny boy johnny boy just call me gramps

gramps is that what everybody calls you all the time don't you know

No, Shellcast.

Oh, you know what?

I have a feeling that nobody even has heard what we've been talking about.

Oh, it's a shame.

Yeah.

You don't even know what I'm talking about, don't you?

No, I don't.

You don't?

Are you just mostly in the dark about things?

Oh, I'm just kind of like, you know, the Twilight Zone.

Do you live in a nursing home, sir?

I got dementia.

Do you live in a nursing home, sir?

No, I live at Shady Acres.

Shady Acres?

Yeah.

Is that like a retirement community?

Yes, it is.

Like a dorm for old people?

Well, it's a college dorm, but, you know, for anybody that's 50 years, they're over.

So are you in college right now? Are you bettering yourself?

Oh, no, I stopped going. They kicked me out.

So tell me your normal, what are you going to be doing tomorrow?

What do you have planned for tomorrow?

I'm going to work for a young whippersnapper, don't you know?

Okay, all right.

A couple of young stud muffins.

Really?

Yeah.

Where do you recruit these?

In the 90s. Where are you from?

Myself?

Yeah, yourself.

Well, if you go to my website, you'll see my whole story.

I'm in Florida, sir.

Oh, you're in Florida.

Yeah, I would expect someone of your age and maturity to be living down here.

I wouldn't think that you'd be from Florida, kind of, for the whole community.

You know, people that, you know, like from Pennsylvania or Michigan, myself, you know.

Pennsylvania.

Work all their life and then go to Florida and retire.

Well, that's exactly where the devil's waiting room.

Ah, just like Shady Acres.

Exactly, just like Shady Acres.

What's your normal day like?

Like, do you play some bingo in the morning?

Do you take a walk?

Do you work out?

Oh, I go down to the community room with the old-timers, don't you know?

And we have a hearing aid challenge.

Hearing aid challenge?

Yeah.

All right.

Mm-hmm.

All right.

And what's this?

You just...

Well, somebody has it turned down too low,

and then we can cuss them out and go on conversations, don't you know?

And they keep forgetting what we're talking about.

And the first one that gets to hear it, well, they win the prize.

How do you feel about the price of hearing aid batteries?

Oh, isn't that ridiculous?

Too damn much.

Too damn much, right?

Even invention, don't you know?

I'm on Social Security, and then I get my W-2 every month, but it's from when I was in the war.

Really?

Yeah.

Okay, so what did you, can you not tell me what you did in the war?

Did you fight?

I flew a plane.

You flew a plane?

Yeah.

Yeah?

A bomber.

Yeah, a bomber?

Yeah.

That's nice.

We're Berlin.

So what do you do? Besides be on the internet and play a fool all the time, don't you know?

I, I, well, I have a stable myself. I raise horses.

You raise horses?

Yes, sir, I do. I raise horses.

And I do some, I do some.

Was that your lovely wife on the phone earlier I heard?

No, she's not my wife, no.

Oh, she's not your wife.

No, no, we're just, what are we?

Crazy.

She lives on about three-fourths up from here, but she comes over a lot.

Are we, we're together, right?

We're together.

Yeah, we're together.

What were you talking about Ann Arbor, Michigan there earlier?

That's where you're going from.

I was answering in the Larry King style.

Oh.

You know, and I'm a Michigan.

That was me right there.

Yeah.

Go blue.

Yeah, exactly.

What?

What did you just say?

Go blue.

What the hell is that?

Detroit Tigers.

U of M.

U of M, huh?

Yeah.

Campus land, don't you know?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ann Arbor.

I got you.

Miniature New York.

All right.

Okay.

All right, so what suggestions do you have for me tonight, sir?

How are you listening to us?

Are you listening to us?

I'm on my laptop, don't you know?

On your laptop?

Yeah.

Don't you know?

That's right, you are from Michigan.

You guys have the hint of that Canadian, right?

Oh, yeah, right by the border, don't you know?

Yeah, don't you know?

That's nice.

Yeah, yeah.

That's nice.

Oh, no, you know, I can disguise my voice just like you do.

I mean, I don't disguise my voice that much.

I have a natural...

Oh, yes, you do.

I have a naturally sexy voice, which I use to my advantage.

Oh, I can do that, too.

You can?

Oh, yeah, like a woman, don't you know?

Like a woman.

Anyhow, all right, so thank you for listening.

Did you listen to last week's show, or is this your first time?

Oh, no, this is the first time calling home.

First time, huh?

Yeah.

Good deal.

How'd you hear the show?

Oh, just scrolling through and looking at the things that are on the shout cache and clicked on you,

and boom, there we have it.

Imagine that, huh?

The system works.

All righty.

All righty, then.

You take care of yourself there, sir.

You take care, sir.

Please, don't be a stranger.

All righty.

My father died.

When I was 12, and I could use a father figure in my life.

Oh, yeah, really?

You could use a grandpa, too, right?

Yeah, as your grandpa.

You could sit in my lap and talk about the first thing your pap said.

Exactly.

Hey, we don't have to tell anybody, though, right?

Oh, we'll keep it our secret.

All right, sir.

All right, Pop.

Talk to you later.

All right, take care.

Bye-bye.

All right.

That was Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Thank you for calling.

That was a great call.

Thank you.

Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Let's see.

Let's see what's going on.

What's going on?

There's a fucking hurricane headed my way again.

Again.

Hurricane, no. Well, not a hurricane yet. What is it now?

It's a tropical storm. Tropical Storm Franklin.

And I check out a map to see where it's going to head,

which is always a bunch of complete bullshit,

because we had three of them last year that were supposed to totally evade us

and ended up plowing right through us here in the central Florida area where I live in Orlando.

And it really sucks. It really sucks not having power or AC or internet.

What would you say you miss the most out of that?

What do you miss? Do you miss the A.C. or what?

Or hot showers?

Hot showers, what would you rather have, an air conditioning or a hot shower?

Well, you know, you can go to your car.

Like, you know what I did during the hurricane when we had no power?

All I did pretty much is I stayed in my car and I rode all over town with the A.C. blasted.

And I would drive from store to mall to different stores, checking out the damage around and enjoying the A.C.

And then the bullshit now is right, my A.C. doesn't work in my car.

We're having the hottest goddamn fucking summer that I can remember since I lived here.

You've only been here, what, a year and a half, you said?

So you don't know shit.

But, I mean, we had a year where the whole state was on fire.

And I'm telling you, it's hotter than that right now.

It's fucking hotter than that.

And then my AC, of course, what happens when I air-condition my fucking car, it fucks up.

It fucks up.

And it's horrible.

It's horrible.

You get showered, you get ready to go to work.

I only work, like, about five minutes away from where I live.

But fucking, if I had to travel like 30 minutes, if I had to fucking commute or something, like I used to have to,

by the time I got to work, if it was in the afternoon, I'd be all fucked.

I mean, I might as well just go in the bathroom and take off my clothes and take a whore bath in the sink,

in the bathroom sink, in the handicapped stall.

Because in the handicapped stall, we all know that you get the extra space,

and you get your fucking, you get your own sink and your own mirror.

And I like to make faces in the mirror on my own.

I'm going to try to get another caller here on the madhouse.

I have no idea what it's going to be.

I'm going to, as usual, play some hold music for you guys while I get someone on the line.

Be right back with you.

I need to find something that's unembarrassing to play.

Here we go.

Let's try this.

All right.

It is 1054 on the manhouse.

Where's the area code and phone number you wish to call?

What am I calling again?

Fat Ho, everybody.

Fat Ho in California.

I love it.

It's promised that this person answered 1054.

Please hold while we connect your call.

And the phone number just went on everybody.

What was that?

Yeah, KDK is on Friday nights.

I'll give him a better promo in a second.

Hello?

Thank you for using Sprint.

Okay.

It breaks in every time I'm trying to talk to these fine people,

and she's like, thank you, PK.

You're welcome.

You ever heard this one?

Welcome to Sprint prepaid calling.

Press 1 for English.

Marque dos para espanol.

Tim Breen represents a marijuana company.

Please enter your prepaid card number.

Somebody is talking.

that you could do song lyrics in code if you know nowadays you can just say i'm just moving

you have six minutes available for this call please enter the area code and phone number

you wish to call when you talked about things that were taboo you had to hide the fact i don't

know what i'm just called fat is invalid please re-enter sorry you have entered an invalid phone

phone number

shots at it

fuck such ass

I'm gonna

hole hole you the hole

I'm in Idaho

hello she doesn't wanna play

I know she hung up I think she did

anyway I must have hung up on her prematurely

alright let's try to get someone else on the line here

um let me see what's going on in the chat room

real quickly I keep forgetting

I don't wanna know what he's calling me

is there I think there's seriously if there's an echo guys please let me know

Maybe I should go into chat room to read up on these things.

For all I know, I might not be even broadcasting right now.

I don't know.

I'll be talking to myself.

The toll-free number here is 1-888-278-8509.

That is the madhouse.

Toll-free, nationwide, even in the Virgin Islands.

Wink, wink.

Um, what do I call now?

Walmart Employee Lounge, Castleberry, Florida store.

Okay.

Apparently this phone number gets pranked a lot.

Hey, by the way, on the forums, PCUradio.com actually had KDK prank calls.

His forums there, there was a thread going around about elevator numbers,

and I actually had the opportunity to call one of those elevator numbers today.

It's the emergency phone that they put in elevators, and I don't know how you'd get the number.

I guess you could call yourself from one and look at the caller ID, but it's pretty much hilarious.

It actually, it'll automatically pick up when you dial it, one of them.

I think it's the one in Wisconsin.

It automatically picks up, and you'll hear what's going on.

You'll hear what's going on inside, hang on.

You'll hear what's going on inside the elevator, and if you yell loud enough,

they'll hear you screaming at them, and they'll interact with you.

It's really funny.

You're on the air, manhouse radio, go ahead.

Hey, Carlito, it's Prankmaster.

Yo, Prankmaster, what's up, my friend?

Not much.

I figured, can you do a three-way prank?

You know what, to be honest with you, here's the deal with me.

I'm cheap as hell, right?

And it's not that I wouldn't pay for the three-way call,

but I don't know if I can because the servers I have,

I got that voice over internet shit that's like a lot cheaper, you know what I mean?

But it means you can't call 911.

I don't know, it's a lot cheaper for me.

It's over the internet.

I've never tried to before.

I can try, but we may get disconnected.

All right, well, here, let me give you the number I want to do.

This one, uh, so those aren't it, but I actually did it yesterday, and I did it with Mr. Peepers.

It came out pretty good, but, uh, uh, it sounded like shit because of the recording.

Prankmaster?

So, here, let me send you the number and aim.

Prankmaster, can I ask you a question real quick before that?

Yeah.

Have you been drinking tonight? Tell me the truth.

What?

Have you been drinking tonight?

No.

You sure?

Yeah.

Okay, all right. No, I'm just asking.

Okay, all right, um, who is this? What's the story?

Are you going to tell me on...

Church of Satan.

What?

Oh, yeah, the Church of Satan.

That's right.

I've been wanting to call these fags.

Oh, there it is.

In California, huh?

That is a pretty liberal place, I guess.

I guess that will work.

Hey, how's the audio going on and everything?

You're listening right now, right?

I'm assuming.

Yellow?

Yeah.

Fragments.

All right, anyway, we'll get to that later.

I'm going to try to do it.

Let's see if it works, okay?

Cross your fingers.

All right.

Hang on here.

Prepaid calling.

Press 1 for English.

Marque 2 para Español.

Please enter your prepaid card number.

I should mute this, right? Am I doing that right?

Hello? I think I... I took my eyes off it.

Sorry, the prepaid card number entered is still invalid. Please call back.

Dude, what is going on? What is going on?

Child, I'm smart. I believe you can do it this time.

I can get that. Hey, you know, if... You got the numbers in front of you?

Oh, I just like a little... Go on.

Oh, damn it.

Alright, I'm sorry. I fucked up. Call me back. Please call me back.

I'm gonna go to a quick commercial break so I can get myself reorganized here

because, honestly, I'm excelling at fucking things up,

and all of a sudden I can't dial the goddamn phone.

Prank Master, give me a call back.

I know I'm talking to the future right now.

Oh, it's probably right there.

Okay.

Anyway, this is the next break.

It is 11.09 p.m.

You're listening to The Madhouse on PCURadio.com.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to take a break real quick.

We're going to take a break from the break because I have breaking news.

As you know, I am always about coming through to you with breaking news.

On the line right now, we have a very, very, very special guest.

Someone who I'm very fond of and I probably will name my firstborn son after.

Satan.

What is it?

Satan, how are you tonight?

I am well.

Well, how are the souls coming along for you, Satan?

Oh, okay.

Do you think you're winning the soul count right now?

Definitely.

Definitely, huh? Definitely?

Really? Yeah.

Jeez, jeez.

what it not explain to me when i go to hell um when i go to hell am i gonna get used to the heat

like you know how like if you're in hot water and you get used to it after about 10 minutes and it's

not as hot anymore is that how it is or does it constantly get hotter and hotter it's starting

to sound like yoda now satan is this yoda yoda what's up yoda how you doing yeah hey is chewbacca

there. You can't do Chewbacca, man. You can't do Chewbacca. I can't either. You can't do

it. Yeah, I would do it, but it's embarrassing. Sorry, I'm not going to do it. I'm not going

to do it. I can do another man. You can do another, really? Yeah. Go for it. Let's hear

it. Hello. Yeah. Hello. Hello. I'm from the church. I am from the synagogue. Hey, man.

Who is this, by the way? Do I know you? Prankmaster again. Prankman. Oh, this is you the whole

Oh, pretty good with the voice.

That's pretty good.

You threw me there.

I didn't know it was you.

Yeah.

That's cool.

Because that's what I did.

I did the Satanist list with the Church of Satan, and he actually thought I was Satan.

Do you think they opened up this late?

Mm-hmm.

Do you think they opened this late?

Oh, they're in California.

It's 8-12 right there.

Dude, you don't know how long.

I was on the phone yesterday for an hour.

Yeah?

I think Satan has probably stayed up late.

Wait, you know, my friend, he was telling me that Satan, the Church of Satan, was about,

you're the center of the world, like, you believe that you're God, every person is their

own God or some shit.

He was trying to get me to believe that Church of Satan didn't mean that they thought Satan

was the best, but I'm pretty sure he was full of shit.

Well, I mean, it's not really actually the Church of Satan, it's like some, like, bloody

old guy who's trying to lure women.

Yeah, it's some dude, right?

Isn't there some guy, like, I've heard of this guy.

Yesterday, I got him to say that he rapes, like, 16-year-old girls.

Oh, come on.

Did he really?

Yeah, he said that.

Really?

Is that, like, one of their...

Don't they have, like, those weird rituals and stuff, like the witches and shit, kind of?

Yeah, he said that he rapes, like, 16-year-old, like, girls.

And, like, I was going to report it to the cops and kind of, like, crying on the phone.

Well, hey, prank master, you don't mind holding on the line real quick?

I've got to take care of some business real quick.

Oh, well, let you go, then.

Well, no, no.

If you can stay on the line, I'll pay for it.

Will you stay in the line, and we'll hit up the Church of Satan once again.

How does that sound?

All right.

All right, okay, so don't go anywhere.

You're going to be right there, right?

Yeah.

Okay, all right.

Hey, I'll be right back with you.

Everybody, stay tuned.

I'm sorry, I don't know Larry.

I'm sorry, I don't know.

He must be out of your mind.

God damn it.

I'm sorry, this conversation is vulgar, and I'm not going to talk any longer.

Prank Master, you there?

Cool, we're back on the air.

Thanks a lot.

I need to get that down, too.

Okay, Prank Master, we got a plan.

Who are we calling now?

We're going to call the Bass Hole?

Yep.

Alright, cool, cool. What's your story? What are you going to do?

I've got to turn this off, right?

We've got another call. Who's calling? It's that 718 number again.

I've got that 718 number again.

Anyway.

Yeah, but, uh, what big it?

700?

Well, I can't give it.

I'll tell you later.

Let's call the Bass Hole, all right?

All right.

Hey, tell you what.

Since I'm messing this up so much, do you have those phone card numbers with you right now?

Yes, I do.

Why don't you just enter in the phone card number?

Because obviously, all I'm good at is dialing the...

Hello?

Never mind.

Yes, I'm on the line.

Madhouse.

Go ahead.

Hello?

Yo, who's this?

Hello?

You got to be quick.

It's your radio...

Anyway, Frank Master, you there?

Yep.

All right, good.

Someone called in, but they were listening to their internet and not listening to me,

so they were behind.

Anyway, okay, so here's the plan.

You're going to call.

You're going to dial the number.

I'll dial the number, and I'll get this connected, and you take care of the phone card, all right?

Okay.

All right, here we go.

Let's do this.

Hopefully this guy isn't on the line anymore.

Hey, yo.

Hey, dude, no offense, but I've got to do a call real quick.

Call me back in a little bit.

When you hear me finish the call, you can call.

No, I'm talking to the dude who was trying to call back.

No, you're cool.

Stay on the line, dude.

Hang on.

Let's do it.

Call and enter your prepaid card number.

You have 28 minutes available for this call.

Enter the area code and phone number you wish to call.

I'll reconnect your call.

Taking lead?

Ah, yeah.

Hello?

Yeah.

Hello, is this the bad asshole?

Hello?

Yes, it is.

Do you have any ass cork over there?

More than you probably need.

Really?

How thick is it?

Like a beer can?

I'd say about a quarter inch.

Quarter inch, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, I could use it over there.

You guys are the experts, I hear.

The bad?

The asshole.

Ten years and running.

I need a proctologist there.

Come on down.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a one beer minimum, though.

Yeah?

Do you know what?

Can I tell you a story?

Ugh.

That's such a nice story, friend.

That was definitely good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not my best.

Not my best.

All right, how about the Church of Satan?

Okay.

Let's do it.

Can you do the voice?

Yeah.

Let me hear.

Thank you for using Sprint.

That's not it.

Dude, that's not it.

Shit.

Okay, well, guess what?

I fucked up again.

The lines are free.

Prank Master, do call back in, but anybody out there, if you're quick enough, you can

can get in before him. The number is 888-278-8509. Toll free anywhere within the sound of my

voice if you're in an English-speaking country where you would vote for an American president.

Okay, I guess we're going to try to call. You know what? Matter of fact, Sprint sucks.

Didn't I say that? What am I going to try to do here? I was going to play you guys one

One of my, I would say he's probably my favorite comedian, Mr. Louis Black.

Mr. Louis Black is a very funny gentleman.

You may see him on the Daily Show.

I think he does a once a week thing called Back in Black.

And I'm not going to find it.

It doesn't matter.

Never mind.

Let's just leave it to next week because I'm not even paying attention.

I'm not ready.

I'm not ready to do a show.

New Jersey, you're on the radio.

Uh-huh.

Yes.

We got disconnected.

Did we get disconnected there?

Yeah, we did.

Who is this?

Fat ho?

Yes.

Fat ho.

What's up, fat ho?

Nah, it's Frank Master.

What's up, Frank Master?

Oh, yeah, that's right.

You are in Jersey.

That's right.

Hey, what's up with Zolar?

What's up with that?

Did you...

Let's see.

Andrea and, like, her lesbian friend, or whatever, you know, Elizabeth, they left today.

Uh-huh.

And, like, for our clock, they're not going to be with us, but they did leave us a message

that we've got to play tomorrow.

Okay.

Yeah, tomorrow's show's going to be pretty good.

You know, you've got plenty of stuff lined up.

I heard Andrea was on Howard this morning.

Wasn't she?

I heard her talking.

I heard her squeaky voice.

Yeah, they had like a contest between her and Wendy the Retard to see who was smarter.

Yeah, Wendy the Retard, she started here on WTKS, on Real Radio.

She used to call us first.

She used to constantly call.

It's a 24, not 24 hours, but it's a talk radio station here.

It's pretty good.

They're on XM Radio.

You guys were mentioning XM earlier.

They're on XM Radio, most of the lineup.

Anyway, she used to call on that station.

They used to have her on the line doing her own things.

And we used to have Howard on that station here in Orlando before he got kicked off because of Clear Channel.

And she accidentally called Howard's show early, thinking it was the afternoon show.

And I think she talked to Adam Carolla.

So she's from around here.

Actually, I've seen her at appearances before, and she's very interesting, very interesting.

Interesting.

Okay, so what exactly happened?

He got the underdog.

Yeah.

He got the underdog lady.

Oh, the underdog lady?

Yeah.

Really now?

Okay, hey.

Let's do this.

We're talking too much, right?

Yeah.

We're bullshitting too much.

People want to hear calls, don't they?

People want to hear calls.

All right, so we're going to try the Church of Satan now.

You said you're ready, right?

Yep.

Okay.

Everybody, Zolar's show is on tomorrow night at 10 p.m.

That is Zolar Vision.

No.

Is it Zolar Vision?

Is that what it's called?

Yep.

Zolar Vision.

version uh zolar from the howard stern show very prominent on the e-show which just ended uh two

weeks ago right two fridays ago was the last episode yep yeah and well howard's moving on

to bigger and better things probably sooner than later i think i have a feeling but it's all good

do you have xm yet no i mean not xm serious right yeah yeah well you don't listen much to howard i

bet right i'm probably talking about howard you don't know i'm getting it no i don't watch howard

that much okay all right um all right let's get this going hang on everybody we'll be right back

with another phone call.

Okay.

Circuits are now busy.

Ugh.

Did you hear that?

Later.

49, 4, 3, 2, 1.

I'm a hacker.

Fucking caught.

All right, let's try that again.

Welcome.

It's one for English.

All right, there you are.

All right.

Marcos dos para espanol.

Please enter your prepaid card number.

You have 27 minutes available for this call.

Please enter the area code and phone number you wish to call

while we connect your call.

Okay, are we taking a lead with your voice? What's going on?

The person you are calling does not take unidentified calls.

Your caller ID was not received.

To enter and access, press 1.

Or, to record your name so that we may announce your call, press 2.

Say your name or the name of the company you represent through the beep.

Oh, yeah, my name is Jessica.

Please hold while we attempt to complete your call.

This may take a few moments.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bring it up.

This is Jessica.

Still trying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Please hold while you are connected to voicemail or an answer to service.

Hey, sometimes it's not.

This is Jessica calling because you raped my friend.

Yes, she was 16 years old.

And you said that you raped her in the ass.

She didn't like it.

Yeah, take it back.

Bam, bam.

That was your original answer.

This is now your time to call in.

Pregnant Messiah, I apologize.

I hung up on you on accident again.

I'm hitting the hang up button instead of the flash button.

I apologize.

I apologize. I am not all there right now.

Get used to this with me until I'm more comfortable with this.

Man, I'm way over-modulated, probably.

I'm just looking at this. My levels are way in the red.

Let me take a look at the chat room and see what's going on.

I jump around through so much that sometimes I don't know what's going on.

Anything good out there?

All right, well, let's see.

There's 58 listeners right now. Excellent.

The petition is 18.

Speaking of the...

Let me give a call here on my own to this payphone that I think might work out.

Let's try.

Welcome to Sprint Prepaid Calling.

Press 1 for English.

Please enter your prepaid card number.

You have 30 minutes available for this call.

Please enter the area code and phone number you wish to call.

Please hold while we connect your call.

We're sorry.

The number you have dialed is not in service at this time.

Thank you.

Never mind, then.

Let me go to my bag of tricks here and see what I can pull out of my ass.

I know there is somebody that I can call here.

Here, Alejandro Bologna, Alfie Roach, Richard Stain, Richard Stain, Vern Testy, El Taco,

which is a Sinaloanese, Mexican, what is a Sinaloanese, Sinaloanese, Sinaloanese, oh,

okay, never mind, we're going to get it wrong, in Compton, a 24-hour Mexican restaurant in

Compton, California, alright, there is no way that I can't do this, hang on, hang on

All right, guys, speaking of Compton, let me get some Compton-esque music here going.

Welcome to Sprint Free Day Calling.

Press 1 for English.

Por favor, marque el...

Usted tiene 25 minutos disponibles para esta llamada.

Por favor, marque el código de área y el número de teléfono que usted desea llamar.

Por favor, manténgase en la línea mientras conectamos su llamada.

¿Usted no lanza buenas noches?

Hello.

Hello there.

Ay, no se oye, ¿quién habla?

Hello there, ¿cómo está?

Hello.

Hello, sí, señora.

Hello.

Hello, coño.

¿Quién habla?

Mira, carajo.

Hello.

Hello, where is man?

¿Quién habla?

Pómenlo, el hombre, el hombre.

¿Quiere hablar con el hombre?

Yes, yes, please.

A ver, espérame.

Ah, vamos, vamos, rápido.

Quickly, rápido.

Hello.

Bueno.

What's up, cholo?

Hello.

Hey, what's up, cholo?

¿Qué pasó?

Hey, Cholo, what's up, man?

Hey, what's up?

Hey, man, what's up?

What's up, S.A.U. in Compton, man?

She's got the fucking phone on her ass.

Hello?

Apúrate.

Woman, you're obviously there still.

Horrible, horrible.

Nothing's working out for me.

Let's go back to the list of...

Suck King Ho.

You who?

Who?

Young Ho.

Margaret Esther Reeks.

No, no, no, no, no.

Speaking of Margaret Esther Reeks, I have someone we're going to call Gladys.

Let's call Gladys.

Not my...

Not there's a Gladys in my life.

We're not going to call her.

We're going to call a different Gladys.

Hang on, guys.

If this old woman picks up, I assure you it is going to be great.

Don't go anywhere, please.

Thank you.

Friends, prepare calling.

Press 1 for English.

Marque 2 para Español.

Press 1 for English.

Por favor, marque el número de su tarjeta prepagada.

Hey, man.

Who's that calling?

Please, mark the area code and the phone number you'd like to call.

El número de teléfono que usted marcó está incorrecto. Por favor, marque de nuevo.

Por favor, manténgase en la línea mientras conectamos su llamada.

Yes, I am right now.

Bitch, pick up. Pick up, bitch.

See what I mean? Nothing works out. Nothing works out here in the madhouse.

Nothing works out. Anybody, please call in. Call in, please.

This is a sinking ship. The phone number is 1-888-278-8509.

Milkman

Okay, let's see who else I get on the line

I had a bunch of things that I wanted to do

Let me try to call Pasquale again

Obviously, I had the wrong number last time

But that worked out perfectly with the exchange with me

And the Hispanic gentleman

Obviously Cuban, that was Miami

You know he was Cuban

You definitely know that

Alright, let's get Mr. Pasquale back on the line

Guys, hang on, more music

On the Madhouse

In just one moment

Welcome to Sprint Prepaid Calling

Press 1 for English

Marque dos para espanol.

Please enter your prepaid card number while we connect your call.

Incorrect.

I totally fucked that up.

It's hard to connect me to somebody.

Once again, the number is 1-888-278-8509.

The request lines are now open.

I am live, I think, 1142 p.m. Eastern.

And so far, I've gotten calls from one person, I think.

Nobody else.

I'm appalled.

I'm paying for this.

What else do I have to do for you people to call?

I hope I'm not dead.

Okay.

Okay, Prankmasters, do try to direct connect again, so I will be more than happy to play Zolar's promo as soon as I get it from you.

Let me check the listeners here. How many people are listening right now?

Ah, 62. Not bad. We are back up into the 60s.

I feel good. I feel good. Competition is at 17.

Um, playing here in the background.

A quick look at what's going on in the news.

To bore you all, let's see.

If anybody's a fan of Megadeth, they're about to come out with some satanic music, apparently.

What the hell is that all about?

But anyway, as I was saying before, hurricanes do suck, and we have one on the way here.

It's formed just off the coast of Florida, and I am in Florida.

And I took a look at the map, which is like a computer projection,

official projection from the government, from the National Oceanographic Atmospheric Administration shit.

and this great map that they sent says it can pretty much go anywhere in a 360 degree radius

around it in the next five days so it can go north south east or west it's like gee thanks guys

fucking weather sucks i don't know if you guys ever watched the weather channel but it's a fucking

bunch of bullshit because i'll tell you what they'll tell me that it's going to be raining

all day and it'll it won't do nothing it won't rain at all hey here we go caller thank the lord

Hello, you're on the madhouse.

Hello.

Hello, how you doing there?

Okay.

All right, who is it?

This is Carlito.

How you doing?

Carlito.

I can't fight.

Uh-huh.

What?

I can't fight.

I'm a...

You sound like a retarded penguin, sir.

I'm a...

Sully and Penetal?

Yeah, puppy.

I'm not your...

Sir, I'm not your papi.

Santa Cruz.

Oh, my man.

Milkman, what's up, Lecce?

Hey, it's good to hear from you.

Everybody, I want to give a round of applause for you, actually.

The first round of applause for the night.

You got something on in the background.

It's your dude.

Oh, Sonny, I was burnt on the TV.

The first one, you got to kill me.

It's a little bit loud.

You had to kill that in the background.

Okay.

All right.

I did it.

Yeah.

All right.

While you do that, while you do that, hang on, buddy, hang on there.

Okay, while you do that, I'm going to try to get a hold of somebody out there.

Sent me a number to call.

I don't even know if this person is listening yet.

This is towards the beginning of the show.

Okay.

Well, I'm pushing my marker across the room right now.

Okay.

Hey, hey.

I'm running the TV.

You're totally running with this, aren't you?

All right.

You do good voices, huh?

Hang on, buddy.

Hey, look, do you want to do a prank on me, sir?

Well, sonny, I don't give a joy.

I've got to push my walker a little closer to the computer.

Well, push it up.

Get close there.

Okay, well, uh...

Somebody here.

Who the hell?

So, you're 62, huh?

What do you think of the show so far tonight?

What's going on?

How do you like it?

How's it going?

Tell me the honest truth.

Don't lie.

Hey.

Okay.

Oh, man.

Just hang on the line.

Hang on.

I'm connecting with somebody, okay?

Okay.

Hang on.

Okay.

Thank you for calling Discover Card.

We recently tried to contact you in regard to a product or service that we're offering.

If you'd like to speak to an account manager regarding that product or service,

or for other assistance, press 1 now.

You there, Milfant?

Otherwise, we appreciate your business and hope that you'll continue to use your Discover Card

for all of your everyday purchases.

Hey.

Okay.

I didn't know you'd come back to the Senate.

My hearing aids are working too good right now.

Dude, the hearing aid and whatnot.

You've got to get serious here.

This is serious radio.

My batteries are getting weak.

You know how it is with us older folks.

You gotta get one of those solar-powered ones.

Well, every time I go out in the sun, I get a sunburn.

I tried to put on some sunscreen when I went down the beach.

Then all the birds were chasing after me.

And then I woke up after.

Milkman.

Yes.

Hang on, hang on. I have Antioch, California.

Oh, what is that noise?

Hello.

It's you again. Hang on.

Antioch, you're on the line.

Antioch, California.

Hang on, Milkman.

Milkman, relax.

Relax, baby.

Hey, Poppy.

It's all right, man.

Be cool, Poppy.

Be cool.

We just called him.

I hate calling people.

Seriously, I do.

I don't like being rude.

Okay.

Poppy.

Yeah.

All right.

Okay.

Are you ready?

Okay.

I'm going to make a call.

Someone else is calling.

Hang on, dude, before you get back on the manhouse.

Hey, you sound like you got the other one over there, too, don't you?

You have the grandpa. I was calling him from Shady Acres again.

Shady Acres again. Hey, Grandpa, how you doing there, sir?

I'm doing good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, what you...

Christ, dude, why don't you help me out?

Help you out?

Yeah, you know, help me out.

What do you need?

How do I get this other guy off the line?

Oh, let's see here.

Let's think of something good.

I mean, you're old.

I'm old, but I know how to move.

Do you drink a lot?

Oh, yes.

Hell yes.

Smoke a lot, too, don't you know?

What's your favorite sauce?

What?

What's your favorite sauce?

Hold on a second.

I'm going to get the hearing aid again.

Oh, my God.

With the hearing aid.

I'm sorry.

Who am I broadcasting to tonight?

What is this?

What do you mean?

Well, what?

Did all you old people just get, like, the fucking grants for laptops or something?

Can you turn up your speaker a little bit?

You guys are all over the Internet tonight.

What's going on?

All I'm getting is old people calling.

Well, you wanted me to be old.

I thought you'd do a three-way.

We have a little fun with it, don't you?

I'm not too sure about the three-way.

I'm not too sure about the three-way there.

You know, it's not really my thing.

It's not that I'm against it.

I mean, if that's your thing, go for it.

I see.

Well, you know, that's something else, too.

Oh, God.

Here we go.

What's the matter?

Now you're talking my language.

Do what?

That's more like it.

That's a good woman's voice, man.

Thank you.

I don't think it's your penis, woman.

My name is Tina.

I'm 5'2", 125 pounds.

Stop, stop.

And if these single guys are out there, you know.

Stop, please.

You're creeping me out.

You what?

I know you're not a woman.

What do you mean?

Richard Anger.

Richard Anger?

You want to call Richard Anger?

Who's that?

Your woman's voice is great.

I'm going to use you now, bitch.

Are you really?

Yes, I am.

Cool.

I'm going to make you talk to somebody for me.

Who's that?

I'm going to read out some names for you.

You tell me who you think.

We got Richard Reeks

We can call him Dick Reeks

Dick Reeks

He answered about 50 minutes ago

Supposedly

Oh my goodness

Yeah, yeah

Well, no, we need the woman voice

We need to scare this shit

Oh, okay

Look, look, here we go

We got Johnny

Listen

We got Johnny and Bonnie Fabulous

In LA

A woman answered 1135

If she answers again

You're all ready to just go ahead and call her

And just say that you want to talk to Johnny

Talk to Johnny

Yeah, you want to talk to Johnny

What are we going to talk about?

She's going to get jealous, obviously

She's in Los Angeles

I see, okay, I understand

You're auditioning here

Because I'm trying to get a

Madhouse militia going

It'll be up on my webpage soon

The Madhouse militia, I'm going to get the best talent

That I can find, amateur prank called talent

And I'm going to give them the ability

To work closer with the show here

And I want to get some more people

Will you just give me the call

and definitely we'll give it a shot.

All right, all right.

You're down for it, right, sir?

Ma'am?

Oh, yeah, most definitely.

And you, ma'am?

Yes, definitely.

Great, great.

Okay, two of you, please hang on the line, all right?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, hang on.

You got any music requests here?

What am I?

I'm playing, like, piano music in the background.

I haven't even noticed.

Oh, yeah, that definitely would work.

No, no, no, no.

A little bit of machine gun for you on PCU Radio.

Please stand by.

What the hell is happening?

Who is this?

Oh, this is the milkman.

I just fell down off my walker, and I was hollering for somebody to come and help me.

Milkman, Milkman, my friend, my friend, Milkman, can I call you back?

Okay, well, I'll call you back tomorrow.

Keep up the good work, buddy.

You're doing great.

Just when we thought they were safe.

All right, well, Milkman, thank you very much for your help.

Tell my buddy KDK and Ellie that I love them.

You got it.

You got it, sir.

All right, hey, you take care of yourself.

Have a great night.

Peace, baby.

All right, stay cool.

I'm going to see if I can get this guy.

Hello, Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Oh, no.

We lost everybody.

We freaking lost everybody.

I'm going to take another commercial break here, see how long it lasts.

Ann Arbor, Michigan, please call back because I really want to get this done.

You have good vocal talent, and I want to start up that militia, so please give me a call.

For now, let me check this.

Anyway, 1154 on PCU Radio.

We'll be back right after this with more show.

I promise.

More calls.

It'll get a lot better.

Brooklyn.

Bear with me.

On PC Jewel.

Baby.

What?

What are you a motherfucker?

No matter how hard you try, you can't stop us now.

Honestly, I think I was going to get all for hanging in there with me.

The listeners are still going strong.

I'm very happy.

Thank you again for dealing with the technical difficulties.

I'll tell you, this has been, so far, a much better show than I had last week, which is very short.

Pretty much all I did was play some classic shit.

It's been great tonight.

I'm not going anywhere.

I'm not saying goodbye.

Don't worry.

I know you guys were worried about it.

Take a quick look at the news here.

See what's going on.

I like to keep you all informed.

I know this is prank calls, but I'm a history and a news buff.

As you all know, of course, there were bombings today.

Copycat bombings.

You know, fuck these terrorists, son of a bitches, man.

Because the honest truth is they don't know what the fuck they are doing.

Apparently they don't.

They got their heads up their fucking asses.

because they had four attempts today to wreck havoc in London

and none of the four fucking worked.

I don't think even one, nobody died.

And I think the last I read, the only person who got hurt

was apparently one of the terrorists who, like a dumbass,

ran to a hospital and had wires sticking out of his chest.

Maybe he was trying to blow up the hospital, I don't know.

Anyway, so apparently if you live in New York

or if you're headed towards New York, which I may be next week,

um if you want to take the trains um the subway system you're going to be up for random bag

searches just like an airport that would fucking suck i know if i had to take the subway on a daily

basis to get to work and it was like going to the airport every day work someone could just stop you

and check you i mean apparently can you imagine if a subway becomes like an airport and fucking

you have to go through metal detectors and screenings and and everything in order to get

I mean, this society we're living in, it's insane.

What is the deal?

What is the fucking deal, dude?

Let me get rid of this music because I'm not doing very well.

I feel recharged.

I feel rejuvenated.

And I would tell you how, but I never know who's listening on the line.

Ann Arbor, Michigan, are you there?

He is still gone.

We're getting ready to go.

I got a coronation here while we're on break with Ann Arbor, Michigan here.

I'm going to call, for now, this is Ann Arbor is his code name.

name, Ann Arbor, will be helping me out on a call, just trying to give someone else a

shot here and see what he's got, because like I said, if you have calling talent, by all

means, get a hold of me, I'm starting up the Madhouse Militia, I will be announcing it

over the weekend, fuck, I'm going to be out of town over the weekend, god damn it, go

to my homepage, check out the forums, I definitely will have information there, you know what,

I should be able to at least get some info on the Madhouse Militia, which will be starting

Um, very soon, actually auditions are open apparently tonight, I got the first person

going out for it, alright, before I even get a chance.

Um, if, if you call in, if you shoot the shit with me and I like what you, what you got,

or if I hear something you've done and I like it, um, I'm trying to get a group of people

together, we're just gonna take the prank call industry by storm, and we're gonna produce

some quality shit, and we're gonna spread it around with PCU Radio, and let me real

quick just go down the list of PCU Radio, what we have available on our wonderful network.

work um of course we're the most listened to um that i know of station of our kind on the internet

uh you just really can't get the kind of laughs that you get like this anywhere else you certainly

can't get it on your regular radio at home um this is only something that you find people on

the internet can do um thursday nights as usual 10 p.m eastern you have my show carlito hey the

madhouse um like i said i will not be live next week this will be it will be a pre-recorded show

I will try to have some new stuff, though.

If you listen to the show, I promise there will be calls that you have not heard before that I have played,

that even KDK himself, who I consider to be a great mentor and someone who I may even...

Let's let it go there.

You will hear new stuff if you listen next week, I promise you, Thursday night.

And I will leave some nice messages recorded for all of you about myself.

I may even try to get on live.

It may be possible, I may make an appearance, I doubt it.

I'm going to be way far out of my area, I'm going to be in the north part of the country.

I am now on the south part, whatever, I'm just rambling.

Anyway, so, no live show next week, but there will be new content, I assure you.

If you tune in, you will not be disappointed.

We'll have the best moments of tonight's show, as well as the first episode yesterday.

And, once again, I cannot stress anymore, there will be new stuff.

stuff, uh, Zolar Vision, that's tomorrow night or Friday, 10 p.m., Zolar from the Howard Stern

show, um, he is, uh, quite popular within the, um, Howard Stern's, uh, how would you say, his cult

following, they know a lot about this guy, um, he comes to, um, Prankmaster, I think he's involved

with him or something, whatever, he's having a great time, um, KDK, who, as I said before,

is the man. KDK himself

has his show

Saturday nights at 10pm Eastern

that is KDK's Lunatic Fringe.

Very good show.

Very good. He does a very good job.

Like I said, he's a speed monster on the phone.

I don't know how he does it.

I swear to God, if he would teach me, I would be

so happy and this show would be so much better.

But I will continue to practice.

I understand. I'm hearing the echo

myself now. There is some kind of fucking echo.

And I don't know what the fuck is up with it.

I don't know. Hang on. Let me try to turn this shit down.

You know, maybe this is up.

Guys out there, let me know if this is working out better than what we had before.

Sunday nights at 9 p.m., Sean Ward's Peanut Punch Radio.

Sean Ward is some comic guy in Canada, Toronto.

Very funny guy. I don't mean to disrespect him.

He's got a lot of respect.

I've heard his show, and I can tell you he's great. Good people.

Please listen to his show on Sundays at 9 o'clock.

It's a good way to end your weekend.

again. Mondays at 8, you have Billy Mira, I'm hoping I'm pronouncing that right, Billy

of Howard Stern fame as well, he himself, I don't know if anybody out there, I mention

Howard a lot, I listen to him every day, I've listened to him since I was about 15 years

old, I'm 26 now, so, let's put two and two together, I'm a big Howard Stern fan, and

I've got to clear my throat, sorry. This guy is great with voices, he does great impersonations

of Ozzy Osbourne that he's done before,

which are dead on,

as well as David Lee Roth,

who coincidentally enough is the lucky guy

to take over for Howard

after his contract is up by the end of the year.

He may actually be leaving a lot earlier than that

with the rumors,

but on Monday he did an impersonation

of David Lee Roth acting like he had taken over

the Howard Stern show.

Pretty much showing that Howard was off the air permanently until he came back on series.

Anyway, people freaked out.

It was a big hubbub.

I'm totally fucking it up.

I'm the worst person at retelling stories, especially this late at night.

So, let's continue.

Anyway, Billy Marrow's show, 8 p.m. on Monday nights.

Friends of Bill M.

Listen to it.

You will not be disappointed.

It will be his second episode coming this Monday.

I see that KDK has a Wednesday night show now at 10 p.m.

I don't know, I don't think that's the live one.

KDK, get with me and let me know about that.

Is that your live show or not?

I mean, if you're doing another live show, I don't think you are.

And that's it, Rosie and I.

Let me get back here, see if we can get someone on the phone.

Ann Arbor, Michigan, are you there?

I'm right here.

Hang on, Ann Arbor, we got a little bit of technical difficulties.

Oh, you're still there?

Oh, I'm here, I'm here.

Everybody here is you, but I can't hear myself.

I know what I'm doing.

Hello.

Big time lag over here.

Is it really?

talking about right now turn up your sound okay so you got the plan down right do you remember

stuff because i've been rambling for the last 10 minutes about nothing um sure do okay here we go

we're going to call hang on let me just no we're not right now hold on a sec one sec hold on

let me try to set this up here as i said monster militia we have a gentleman on the line who i'm

calling ann arbor he i think he has great vocal talent we're about to see if he's gonna live

live, on the spot, impromptu, a prank call. Like I said, I'm starting up a madhouse militia

of talented, amateur prank callers who will join up with me and we can collaborate and

try to join up, pull together talent and get some good calls out there for everybody who

likes prank calls, including you out there. All 60 of you who are listening right now,

thank you very much. You know, I haven't given out the number in a while. It hasn't

and rung for a while. The number here, toll-free, nationwide, is 888-278-8509. Again, that's

888-278-8509. That is toll-free. And if you join us in chat, pcuradio.com, you can join

in on all the fun over there. Let's go ahead and go to the chat room right now. Let me

me see what's going on here. Those are pretty good showing in there, the jerky boys. Are

you back, dude? I'm back. Thank you, sir. Okay, data. Okay, yeah, Johnny and Bonnie

Fabulous. Doesn't that sound like kind of a power duo? Johnny and Bonnie, is it the

couple? Yeah, Johnny, Mr. and Mrs. Fabulous, Johnny and Bonnie. Oh, wow. And I already

told you off air where they live. Let's not give out the address. Oh, no, should I use

Is that address, let's say, talking to the person?

You know, you're right.

Obviously, right?

It's going to go out anyway.

5th Street in Los Angeles, California.

Mm-hmm.

I'm going to map that out to get a better look at it while you set up the call.

You know what to do, right?

I sure do.

Okay, I don't think we need any more introductions or setups.

I'm going to go ahead and attempt to get this done right,

and we'll have Mr. and Mrs. Febulous on the line in just a second,

and you're going to be on, my friend.

Are you ready?

I'm ready.

Are you psyched?

Oh, yes, definitely.

This is going to be fun.

Good deal.

Okay, so since we're calling L.A., I'm going to put on some gangster music.

I sound like a valley girl, don't I?

You totally do.

Like right in California?

Yes.

Like totally hip.

You got it right there.

Excellent.

There you go.

Dude.

Cool.

You're coming out with the great stuff.

Hang on here.

And I heard your normal voice, and, you know, I met somebody today for the first time after

having talked to them at work for, like, the last three years.

It's always weird.

You know what I mean?

People never look like, you know, I'm sure.

If you guys saw a real picture of me, you guys would be surprised.

If you look at my bio page, that is a real picture.

Oh, you would, too, definitely.

Uh-huh.

Right.

Let's get on the line here.

Stand by, everybody.

Print prepaid call links.

One for English.

Marte dos para Espanol.

Presenter your prepaid card number.

You have 23 minutes available for this call.

Okay.

Presenter the area code and phone number you wish to call.

Talk to me again, bitch.

Johnny and Bonnie Fabulous, all right, dude?

Yep.

Mm-hmm.

That's right.

Up, Johnny.

So, while we connect your call.

If Johnny picks up, I don't know what we're going to do.

I should have thought of that, huh?

Call me back.

Hey, bitch.

Bonnie and Johnny, pick up the fucking phone.

What the fuck is wrong with yous?

Hey.

You know, sometimes when you hear that, someone's picking it up, right?

Mm-hmm.

All right, Ann Arbor, what are we going to do now, man?

Hmm.

Do you want to call an Asian?

I know a nerd you could call.

I got a lot of hoes.

Oh, do you?

I have a young ho, a she ho, a sucking ho, a you see ho.

Your call.

I got a Richard and Joan pump.

Dick and Joan pump.

Dick and who?

Dick and Joan pump.

Dick and Joe?

And Joan.

Or Chump.

Joan, Joan, Dick.

Oh, Joan.

Richard and Joan pump in Iowa, of all places.

I love Iowa.

I love people from Iowa because they're just so great.

Um, you know, I got punched in the mouth in Daytona Beach during spring break by an Iowan who was 42 years old, hanging out in spring break in Daytona Beach, drunk off his ass, driving, got into an argument with him because he was tailgating my girlfriend's convertible while we're up and down the strip.

the strip motherfucker came out i i told him look dude you've fallen too close to me motherfucker

he's like whatever he gave me the finger right in my face and i started yelling shit at him

his his his fat ass friend comes out drunk off his ass from the van they're they're in this

fucking rented minivan look like a soccer mom the uh the driver was 50 something the guy who

punched me was 42 at the time i think i was 21 he comes up to me punches me right in the fucking

mouth and i i reached back behind me and my girlfriend's car at the time was a convertible

and i reached i could reach back into the trunk right through right through the back seat

and the first thing my hand hit was the crowbar for the uh for the tire jack i said yeah motherfucker

here and i pulled out hit him on the top of the head hard as a son of a bitch he fell to the ground

his his his friend wrestles with me to gain control of it right when a cop starts pulling up

and he starts running.

He goes right back to his car early,

and he got tackled by about three police officers

who saw the whole thing.

Three police, tackled this old man,

and I got to press charges on him and everything,

and it was very interesting, I'm talking.

But can you imagine that?

Old man, yep.

Nice story, good.

A little younger than that.

You know what we should do is call those places

like the 24-hour stores, you know,

like Meyers or Super Walmart, Super Kmart,

something like that.

Right, right, right, right.

You're not up that late, sir.

You're not up that late.

Who ain't?

You ain't.

You're not.

Oh, well, you know, I used my granddaughter's telephone to get in the room.

Get off the phone, Gramps.

Love it.

I love it.

Okay, what are we doing here?

We're calling the pumps, right?

right? Mm-hmm. Old guys answered at 10. What are they supposed to do, though? I don't know.

They're old people in Iowa, and an old man answered there about an hour, over an hour,

over two hours ago. Just, no, less than two hours. Between an hour and a half and two

hours, something like that. We could do that. I got earnest happy. Old lady answered at

10.40 Eastern. There is a rule that I cannot recall people. If I could, I would call this

one place. You know what? Dude, are you there? Mm-hmm. What are we doing here? We're going

going to call a hoe or a couple? I'm going to call the hoe. The hoe? You hoe? Yep. Who

do you want? Tell me. Young, you, she, sucking, or you see? He, she. She hoe? She hoe. That's

it. Uh-huh. Sorry. I see what you're doing. I said she. He did mine. Oh, my goodness.

Like call me blonde. Uh, great. Asian woman answered at 1058 in Champagne, Illinois. Champagne.

Sounds French. Have you heard that joke before about the woman in the bathroom where she

She drops her false teeth in the toilet.

No.

And she's calling 911, and she's like, ma'am, you need to call an ambulance,

and they're going on and on about it, and finally she's, like, got her head stuck in the toilet.

No.

No, really?

No, no, no, no.

It's been like, um, what is that?

Oh, God damn, let's just forget it.

Oh, yeah, Shoutcast.

Mm-hmm.

Shoutcast?

Yeah.

Okay.

Um, KCI Internet Audio.

I don't know.

Is this you?

Is it what?

Is that your site?

No, it's like a DJ thing they did over on Shoutcast.

And the call letter says KCIA

Kansas City Internet Audio

Oh, sweet, really

So they did some shit

Alright, that's cool

Well, that sounds cool

Hey, get with me later

Let me, give me

Hook me up with that link again

I'll check that out

Okay

Anyway, I'm going to get the

SheHo

The old user

SheHo in Illinois

She's ho, yeah, the SheHo

We're going to get the hoes on the line

Starting off with SheTheHo

On PC Radio

Stand by

Ann Arbor, you're going to be on the line, right?

Uh-huh

Thank you

And everybody else

a little bit of music once again

while I get this hooked up.

Let's do this.

All right, fuckers, hang on.

Ann Arbor?

Welcome to Prince of New York.

I've been ahead calling.

Press 1 for English.

Please enter your prepaid card number.

You have 30 minutes available for this call.

If you enter the area code and phone number you wish to call

Call me Tina

One again son of a

The phone number entered is invalid, please re-enter

I think I get this right by now

Well yeah

I got it

That's all

Okay

Please hold while we connect your call

She hold

One, two, one, seven, three, nine, eight, three is not available

Oh come on

Please leave your message after the tone

When you are finished, you may press 1 for more options, or simply hang up.

Take it.

Hello.

I was wondering if Mrs. or Mr. Sheila Jones, or John, I'm sorry.

She, who?

Joe.

Is Joe there?

Who?

I'm at the hospital over here at Baptist Memorial.

Hello.

This is who?

Hello.

Hi, how are you?

I'm doing fine.

How are you?

Hospital?

Yeah, I'm at the hospital.

What happened?

I was going to the car, and I slipped and fell on ice.

I need ice.

Ice?

I need ice.

You need ice here?

No.

I still need ice.

Ice for you.

They were outside the party store.

Hello, she ho?

Yeah, she ho.

She ho.

Yeah, ho.

Ho she.

You ho?

Ho she man.

She ho.

Ho she man.

Okay.

Yeah.

Hang on.

That's going to be interesting voicemail in the morning, eh?

All right.

Yeah.

What are we supposed to be doing?

I don't know.

Okay, look.

We've got...

No, no, no.

I was incorrect.

Correct, yoo-ho, it's yoo-hoo, yoo-hoo.

Oh, yoo-hoo.

Yoo-hoo, that's, hey, you could, you know, that's another Illinois one.

There's a lot of Asian people in Illinois.

That's probably Korean, I know a Korean girl in Illinois.

Oh, I know.

Anyohaseyo.

Who?

Anyohaseyo.

That's, hello, how are you doing?

Oh, in Korean?

Uh-huh.

I bet you she's Korean.

Ah.

Pete, you would.

I think I'm going to see, go see.

Okay, well, let's do it.

All right.

Ask him about kimchi.

Kimchi.

You ever have kimchi?

No, no, I never tried that.

That's some fucking bullshit.

You take cabbage and you put it in this fucking bullshit water shit

and you put it in a fucking pot and you bury it in the fucking ground

and it ferments and it smells like ass

and they think it's the greatest thing in the world.

Disgusting, disgusting Koreans.

You know they eat dogs and cats over there?

I'm not joking, my cousin.

Yeah, the Philippines too.

Oh, man, and you know where else?

In South America?

Not South America.

No offense to Milkman in the Caribbean.

In Central America, a lot of places eat cat.

They cook cat on the roadside.

They call it poos.

Like pussy.

It's called poos.

Like it pussy out.

Poos.

But you pronounce it P-O-O-S.

Poos.

Plus the poos.

Yeah.

They say it's like if you ever have boneless spare ribs.

It's just like that but with cat meat.

I'm not kidding you.

It's disgusting.

Oh, no.

It'll turn my stomach.

Yeah.

And then I've heard someone describe this to me and say, oh, it is so good.

It's like, you know what, motherfucker?

You're fucking sick.

All right.

So you who is it?

I'm your husband.

I'm your...

Okay, well, no, we're calling you...

We're calling Korea, right?

Yeah, we're assuming it's a Korean.

I have a good bet that it's Korean.

If not, we can try Konnichiwa...

No, no, no, it's Wasi Wasi for Japanese.

Why did you hang up on the other person for?

There was nobody there.

We were leaving a voicemail, but we gotta...

No, we were talking.

No, I was not talking.

We were talking earlier.

That was me.

The Yobo Hobo.

Who? Hobo?

The Yu.

Yuho?

Yuho.

No, we call it Shiho.

Shiho, we call it Shiho.

All these fucking hoes, man, I can't keep up.

We were talking to hoes.

I can't get the hoes together, man.

You should call Hobat.

You've got way too many hoes, man.

Call the Hobat.

She's not going to answer.

It rang once.

It's like voicemail.

Her cell phone's turned off, man.

Yeah, but I was talking to the hoes.

Yeah, hang on.

Ice, they fell on ice?

Look, just call Yoo-hoo.

Yoo-hoo.

You ready?

Yoo-hoo.

Okay.

All right, hang on.

Welcome to Sprint's prepaid calling.

I'm pretty sure.

Press 1 for English.

Please enter your prepaid card number.

You have 20 minutes available for this call.

Please enter the area code and phone number you wish to call.

Please hold while we connect your call.

Hello.

No, I don't play bingo. No bingo tonight.

Bingo close.

Hello.

Yoo-hoo. Yoo-hoo.

Yoo-hoo.

Yoo-hoo. Yoo-hoo.

Yoo-hoo.

Hello.

At the hospital.

I don't know.

You're at the hospital.

No, no? I don't know.

How about kimchi?

No, no.

Yeah, yeah.

Yoo-hoo, kimchi.

Oh, no more.

Yoo-hoo.

Bye-bye.

Go-go-see-bye.

Bye-bye.

No, no.

Very, very interesting.

Only if you knew what they actually said, you'd be like laughing at them.

You know, I think they communicated with you for a while.

We're about to get Sprint Lady. Hang on.

It's not over until Sprint Lady comes.

Thank you for using Sprint.

Oh, baby. You're welcome.

You love Sprint Lady, don't you?

Harbor.

I'm here. I'm sorry.

Do you like Sprint Lady?

Oh, yeah, I met her tonight while I was listening earlier.

She's a nice lady.

Kind of rude.

She's been through a lot.

Yeah.

Yeah, she's been through a lot.

She's got an alcoholic husband, you know.

Yeah, his name is Nick.

I need to talk to you later about something.

We're off the air.

Okay.

Yeah.

Do you have some ideas, definitely?

You do?

Okay.

I think we can lighten it up a little bit.

Definitely.

This is great.

You know?

This is great.

Great. I would like to welcome you as the first official member of the...

The First Lady?

Oh, no. Well, sure, the First Lady and the...

He-She.

The First Lady, as well as your... Is that your father, your grandfather over there?

That's my grandfather. He's taking a nap right now.

Oh, he is? All right, well, if you want to know when he wakes up, I know he has to get up early to work out.

Oh, he'll be up in about an hour.

In about an hour? All right, well, he doesn't sleep much then, huh?

Well, he took a nap earlier, so he's kind of like up and down all through the night.

Okay, well, Ann Arbor, I would like to welcome you to the Madhouse Militia.

Here's a little applause.

You can't hear it, I don't think.

I hear clicks.

Well, yeah, well, I'm working on it.

I got an old mouse, all right?

Oh, okay.

You know, this mouse has been with me since 97, man, since the beginning.

Since the beginning, man.

All right, well, hey, thank you very much for calling.

Hey, not a problem.

Yeah, no problem.

I want to take a break here once again.

I'm going to try to make one last round here.

It's 12.33, so we've been going about two and a half hours.

I'm very surprised.

I'm going to take a quick look at what's going on.

Ann Arbor, have a good night.

Hey, before you go to that break, why don't you help me hold the line for a second?

Okay.

All right.

Well, hang on the line.

Give me a call back.

Okay.

Yeah, it'll be a decent break.

Give me a call back.

When you hear me on delay that I'm off, by all means, click on over.

Okay.

All right.

Thanks.

All right.

Bye.

Ann Arbor, everybody.

Like I said, there'll be more information on the manhouse militia as soon as possible.

Let me go real quick here to the chat and see what's going on.

Anything interesting?

No, just a bunch of bullshit conversations.

And Prank Monster is still in the show as usual.

Listenership.

We have 58 listeners.

You know, I've been pretty steady today.

I haven't gone anywhere under 56, I don't think, that I've looked at.

So I'm feeling good about that.

Regardless, I do need to take another break.

I will come back.

It'll be the home stretch for the show.

and hopefully we'll get some more quality shit on the air.

I thank you all for hanging in with me.

And if you do want to communicate with me via phone or via email,

not email, via the messengers,

now would be the time to do it

because now is the time that I can pay attention

since I'm not talking to that many people.

So regardless, the AOL Instant Messenger is Madhouse Radio.

Again, that's Madhouse Radio for AIM.

You can also join us at pcuradio.com, where you can watch, you can join the chat using your Java client.

Let me see here.

Hey, IRC listeners, by the way, if you are on IRC using a client such as Merck,

you can get a hold of us through the chat.

The chat room is located at pcuradio.dynds.

I'm going to join the PCU room.

That would be joined PCU.

I'm assuming that you know what that means if you're in IRC already.

Regardless, please get a hold of me.

Feel free to call.

The number, as always, is 1-888-278-8509.

I will come back with a few more prank calls and some final thoughts.

You're listening to The Madhouse on PCU Radio.

This is a new song.

It's going to be on our next album.

It's called Big Empty.

And this is Zolar telling you to tune in to Zolar Vision Friday nights, 10 p.m.

That's right, Friday nights, 10 p.m.

Or don't be there.

Excuse me.

That was a promo for my show recorded by none other than Howard Stern's song, What's His Face?

Zolar.

Sorry, guys.

I'm not paying attention.

It is 1247.

I'm running out of gas.

I hope you guys are okay with my music selections.

I was asked at the beginning of the show if I listen to a lot of rap music.

Well, I start my show with it sometimes, but for the most part, I listen to anything except for the country shit.

I'm sorry if you like country. Please don't take offense.

Anyway, yeah, how many people we got listening now?

We have 52 people on the air, 53 people on the air, and our esteemed competition is down to 10.

He was actually down for a while.

Well, you know, I would like to be able to listen to Zolar's show live,

but I'm usually tied up on Friday nights.

But please, listen to Zolar.

He's on Friday nights at 10 p.m., Zolar Vision.

Let me go ahead and set us up for another prank phone call here.

Let me see who I can call.

Bam, bam.

Guys, I'm so inundated with stuff, I'm trying to do whatever I can.

Okay, DC Keith, thank you.

You're awesome, too.

I got some other dude here, C-I-R-E-2790, Sire, or C-Day, 2790, this is Carlito sending a shout out to you, out there wherever you are, in the 610 area code, thank you for listening to the madhouse, that's your, um, I got a request to call a Katie, 610 area code, 610, let me confirm real quick where it is exactly that I'm calling,

I have a way that I've kind of perfected through my work of using very little information to learn a pretty good amount of information on certain people.

While I do that, I'm going to attempt here to connect to our good friend Pasquale, who I was unable to reach earlier in the show at the beginning.

Let's go ahead and speak with Pasquale.

If possible, ladies and gentlemen, cross your fingers, it is late and he more than likely will be angry if he picks up.

I'll be right back with that call here on the

mails that I am.

Carlito, what did I tell you about the country?

Welcome to Sprint's prepaid calling.

Press 1 for English.

Marque 2 para Espanol.

Espanol.

Please enter your prepaid card number.

You have 22 minutes available for this call.

Please enter the area code and phone number you wish to call.

I cannot express it enough words so much.

I'm happy that so many people are enjoying the show out there.

And he fucked up the number.

God damn it.

The phone number entered is invalid.

Please re-enter.

I hate this bitch.

Please hold while we connect your call.

Hurry it up.

For following through with that house promo by Zolar, I must thank him in person.

Hello?

What is this?

Hello, where's Pasquale at?

You got the wrong number.

Girl, put Pasquale on the line.

I ain't playing, girl.

Put Pasquale on the line.

Woman, I know you there.

I'm not having any luck with this dude.

I have to confirm the homeboy's number.

Ah, good idea. Let's try this. Better.

For English.

Please enter your prepaid card number.

You have 18 minutes available for this call.

That's right.

Please enter the area code and phone number you wish to call.

I could get in trouble for this, ladies and gentlemen, for making this phone call.

Here we go.

Please hold while we connect your call.

The football needs to start, you know what I'm saying?

And now, wild world of sports.

Eric, sorry I couldn't get to my phone. Just leave your name, number, and message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Alright, thanks. Have a nice day.

Please leave your message after the tone. Press 1 to send a numeric page.

Hello, boy. Give me your call back, please.

Ah, stupid. What a waste of fucking time.

Anyway, I'll pay for that one.

Alright, ladies and gentlemen, what else can I do here?

Let me see. Let me run real quick back to the chat room.

at

we got some comments

ladies and gentlemen in the chat room

if you could please at least post some quick comments

on the show tonight, what you think

what the better parts

of tonight's show have been

I need to know that it is very important

to ensure that next week's show

which will be recorded unfortunately

will not be live

due to some prior obligations that I have

it is very important you tell me

me what the hell it is exactly that you like about tonight, so I will be able to compile

something very good for you guys. And as I said, next week is going to definitely have

new stuff, so if you listen, you're not going to miss out on anything. You're going to enjoy

it. I'm going to try one more attempt at a prank call for the night, and I think we're

going to call it quits. But by all means, if you would like to extend the show, now

Now will be your time to call me and shoot the shit with me.

The number is 888-278-8509.

Once again, that's 888-278-8509.

Ladies and gentlemen, I cannot stress anymore that it is a free call.

Free call.

To you, it costs me money.

If you would like Carlito to lose a lot of money, you would call this number all the time and piss him off.

Literally.

When the show isn't on, it doesn't work, so don't fucking try it, okay?

You're just going to get a busy signal.

You're not going to fucking make me miss my rent check.

Okay.

One last call for the night here.

Let's see who we can call up.

Let me go back to my great, great sources.

KDO.

Try that again later.

Milkman.

I'd like to thank Milkman for all the help that he provided me during the week to set myself up properly

so I can communicate as much as I am right now.

LMR Millennium 3.

Am I still doing pranks as of right now?

Yes, sir.

I would recommend you call in, and maybe we can get something going.

The number is 888-278-8509.

Now, for some reason, you find yourself not able to call if it is late at night and your mother would be upset.

Don't worry.

There's a solution to that coming soon.

It's top secret.

But for now, let's go ahead and take our next caller on the house.

You're in the manhouse.

Hello there.

Who are you?

Oh, this would be Carlito.

Who is this?

This is James Nefarious, Sr.

James Nefarious, Sr.

Yes.

Explain to me why Nefarious.

I was told it sounded good.

Anyway, long-time listener, first-time caller.

Well, thank you.

Where have you been?

We've been waiting.

Hello?

Yes, Mr. Nefarious.

Yes.

Yes, sir.

Do you feel sad about Mr. Doohan's death?

I had the opportunity to meet Mr. James Doohan in 2002 at a convention here in Orlando at Volcon.

Great gentleman.

I met him then.

As a matter of fact, I met him in high school also at a local Scottish event.

I'm not bullshitting you, man.

He came down for the Scottish event as a class in my humanities class.

My senior in high school took a trip to this Scottish convention thing here in Orlando.

and Jimmy Doohan, Jimmy Doohan, right, he was there, he's a good guy, you know, the guy, he just,

he had about three or four years ago, he had a son, I mean, he's, he's got a kid, he's got a,

he's living behind a three to four year old kid who's not going to know his dad, and his dad was

like 60 or 70 something when he was born, I mean, that right there alone, if I could get my wife

pregnant when I'm 70 years old, and pushing 260 pounds, that's balls, I mean, he's a man,

So just for that right there, he should, you know, he should be knighted.

And I think, as a matter of fact, James Doohan should be knighted by the Queen of England.

And I think there should be a start.

We should start a movement to do that.

That may be something for any of you fans out there of the original Trek series to work on.

Sorry I'm being so talkative.

So Jimmy Doohan did die today, huh?

Yeah.

I'm not talking a regular voice because there's too many old people calling up anyway.

Yeah, but what is up with the old people tonight, right?

I don't know.

It's like a running gag.

They're mourning Mr. Doohan.

Go ahead.

They're mourning Scotty.

Go ahead.

You go ahead.

I'm rude.

I'm the host.

You go ahead.

I'm just saying that it's a sad thing.

A lot of people, a lot of important engineers were inspired by him to become engineers.

I probably would have been one, too, if it weren't for marijuana.

Really?

Oh, hey.

Marijuana?

Nothing wrong with that.

Hey, I'm successful.

Well, it works different people.

It made me into a sloth.

Like a recluse or just a sloth?

off really yeah i might yeah i i fear that ever happening to me um that will kind of suck you know

but uh i don't know i i feel that myself i'm sure you're for legalization right i'm a what i'm sure

you're all for legalization right oh of course i mean like it doesn't hurt anybody when you smoke

it i don't personally do it anymore but uh if that's your thing uh more power to you okay so

So you weren't, all right, anyway, so James Doohan is dead.

Who do we have left now?

We have Sulu, George Takai, right?

Yes, George Takai.

Sulu, oh my, I can't do that voice at this time of night.

Sometimes I can.

If I'm sick, I can do a great George Takai, or a great George Takai.

So, yeah, so I take it that, what can we say about Jimmy Doohan?

I mean, like I said, have you ever met him?

Have you ever been to a convention and met him?

I met him twice.

I have not, beforehand, no.

I've never been to any conventions.

Yeah, I'm embarrassed to say.

It's been years since I've been.

I go to, like, these...

We've got...

Orlando has huge convention centers,

and the new conventions they have out here,

they'll have, like, what they call the FX show,

and it's simply comic books and collectibles.

And I go just to look at the awesome shit,

because they have cool collectible toys and shit.

I mean, I went once, and they had some good shit.

What's going on there in the background?

Oh, my...

I'm talking on my girlfriend's phone.

She has her ass in my face actually

Oh nice really

Yep

I'm gonna bite it real quick

On the air

Do it

Get up close to it

We wanna hear that

We like that

You wanna

I'm gonna do a big long kiss

On the air

How about that

Let's hear it

I just wanna say

I just wanna

Get that out there

That great James Doohan

He is the

Nerd legend

All those nerds out there

Who's passed on

Beamed up

Are you gonna brush your teeth now

Am I gonna brush my teeth

Yeah

Mouthwash

Um

Um, no, she likes it dirty.

I gotta go, she's hitting me.

Yeah, you gotta slap.

Yeah, yeah.

She'll kick your ass, won't she?

Okay.

I'm just saying, I'm just saying, good show.

Go ahead, hang out.

Good show, man, I like it.

Go ahead, hang out, go run to your woman.

It's alright.

It's all good.

I see who runs the show.

Alright.

Matt, look at that.

Look at that.

What do you know there?

Definitely.

Well, I can't bullshit, because if my girlfriend, she's asleep on the couch, but I have a snake

suspicion if she's listening, she'd get up and kick my ass.

Uh, LMR Millennium 3 on AOL, yes, I am still able to do one last prank phone call, by all

means, send me the details right now, that would be your shot.

What's going on here, that dude was talking about his mom would beat him, we don't want

to get mom involved, we'll turn this down, just do it.

Anyway, uh, the previous person, thank you for calling, and thank you for sharing that

moment with your video, and I love you all.

Again, it's, uh, thank you, have a great weekend everybody, thank you for joining,

Thank you for listening, and if you did not.

Calls (24, 1 h 6 min of 2 h 44 min)

Transcript

Comments 0