2005-08-18 Show

Put your motherfuckin' hands up for the number one weirdo, Bazaar.

Hey, bitch, it's a nigga with the shower cap, kickin' a nasty, dirty 50s rap.

Detroit's on the line.

Good evening, everybody.

Welcome to the motherfuckin' madhouse.

It is Thursday night as usual.

I'm sorry for cursing.

My girlfriend's here next to me, and obviously she's never heard me curse before or something.

Damn it.

Milkman!

Yo.

Milkman is on the line.

My first co-host here on the line.

We're trying some stuff out.

And my main man, little man from the V.I. is on

What's up, man? Tell him what's up

Alright, man, we're doing real nice over here

How are things up there in Florida?

Things are nice, we had a crazy rainstorm

I got my ass rained on me and my girlfriend both

And I bought a

I'm very cheap and I buy everything I can

For a dollar or less

So naturally the umbrella I bought is a dollar

And it covers about

It covers my head, that's about it

So I got soaked

With like cheating rain coming through

We're on our way to dinner tonight, but it's all good.

You need to, like, carry one of those, like, plastic grocery bags with you

and just strap them over your ears, you know?

Yeah, I'm just going to make a poncho out of a garbage bag.

That's what I've got to fucking do in the future.

The walking hefty dude.

Yeah, just a fucking bunch of, yeah, just some ponchos or something, man.

Anyway, so.

I've got those ones for about two bucks out at Walmart,

and they're pretty good to have just in your pocket.

Well, that's what I have.

It's like, it was two for two dollars.

It's insane.

It's like, I've got a gray one and a blue one.

The blue one disappeared.

I think someone stole it.

and then all i got left is a gray one and this thing i opened it and the whole the wind was so

intense that it just upended like when it's got backwards i don't know hard to explain but it was

a horrible horrible thing that happened to me i'm glad you made it back to earth though i made it

back and i don't feel sick but just in case i have nice uh i got my bud lights here today tonight's

show is brought to you by bud light and uh what are you doing over there you drinking you smoking

What are you doing now? And I just got me in dark Bex dark Bex lovely here

And they're not they're doing any smoking man, but I'll leave that for somebody else out there

Oh, all right. Well, that's fine. Good for you. I'm glad you behave yourself speaking of smoking

I'm grabbing my staff right now as we speak. All right

So anyway, everybody out there, please feel free to call in the phone lines are actually set up and open on time tonight

Did I start on time? I started, what, 10 minutes late, I guess?

No, I've been worse.

Last week I started at about 9.40, so it's all good.

And what a mess I have in here.

Anyway, so it's 9.25 right now.

The phone number to dial in, everybody, is 1-888-278-8509.

Once again, that's 1-888-278-8509.

the homepage for this show

The Madhouse, hosted by Carlito

co-hosted tonight by Milkman

straight from the Virgin Islands

MadhouseLive.com

Again, that's MadhouseLive.com

You want to go to PCURadio.com

for sure, that's the station

you're listening to, that would be our homepage

and that's how you can join us

in the chat room

PCURadio.com and click on the Java links

There is an RSC option

but with the current state of PC radio with what occurred over the weekend,

I don't know if you're aware of it.

I'm assuming everybody out there is aware of it who's listening right now

because it looks like I only have regulars listening right now.

Very light night, excuse me, as compared to what we normally get.

But I'm sure numbers will stabilize here throughout the night.

Milkman, what should I suggest to people who want to join an IRC?

What exactly is that?

Just go with irclazy-net.de.

That's the server.

And then join the PCU room, and you're in here with the rest of us crazy guys.

Good deal.

And gals.

Exactly.

Well, I don't know.

There have been some lately.

The other team has been showing up.

Milkman has an old voice.

Dude, you're getting ragged on your voice, man.

Milkman has an old voice.

Oh, that's all right.

A lot of these people probably never heard you before.

Listen here.

I'll tell you something, Sonny.

I'm not old.

I'm only 86 years old.

going to be fucking old. Anyway, all right. So once again, let me throw the number out

there because people never call in until like the second hour. But it's 1-888-278-8509.

And, you know, I still haven't been able to get those minutes on Gizmo. I'm going to

be trying to do prank calls using this new, well, pretty much what you're joining me on,

right, Milkman, on the Gizmo project, which is an alternative to Skype. It's open source.

It's very stable.

I like it, and we have pretty good quality between me and you right now.

You're so far away.

We've got good fidelity, man.

Yeah, very good.

And you had to bring your fidelity down, actually, for bandwidth reasons,

but if it wasn't for that, it would sound crystal clear.

I mean, we can only broadcast in 24K,

so it doesn't make any sense to be talking to each other anything louder,

anything better than that.

But anyway, so...

Yeah, I can go up to 96.

Yeah, yeah, all right, all right, fair enough.

All right, let me take a look real quick at the channel

and see exactly what's going on, speaking of which.

Uh, Robin from the...

That is not Robin from the Stern Show.

That'd be cool.

There's someone claiming to be Robin from the Howard Stern Show in the chat room.

You've got to be kidding me.

I don't think Robin would know how to use chat.

You think Robin knows how to use chat?

Are you in the chat room, Athena?

Or you're about to be?

Don't go through my homepage.

It's not working there.

Go to PCUradio.com.

PCUradio.com, baby.

There you go.

Go through that chat because my homepage...

Well, she is.

Torch PMs.

What, PCUradio.com isn't working?

It's still redirecting.

Did you know that?

I didn't know PCU Radio was still redirecting to Google.

I think so.

I could check.

Yeah, it is.

It is.

My girl's on the laptop.

Okay, go to kdkprintcalls.com then.

All right, everybody, ignore what I said about PCU Radio.com.

This is still PCU Radio for sure.

You found it there?

Yeah.

The one and the only.

That's for sure.

Join chat.

Yeah, join chat.

There you go.

Very good.

And, all right, let's see if she makes it in there.

Okay.

Anyway, who's, okay.

All right, they loaned some lovers on, who is the main man in getting me numbers.

So hopefully, let me type this in real quick.

Boy, hook it up.

Hook me up with some numbers.

Okay, what do you say let's go ahead and start off with a bang

and just do a prank call right at the beginning, my friend.

What do you think, Milkman?

Hey, man, it sounds good, man.

Let's light him up.

Yeah, the only problem is the way it's set up now, you won't be able to talk.

But I'll prank away.

I'm sure you don't mind listening in, huh?

Nah, I'll make some comments, of course.

Yeah, you'll do the commentary afterwards, right?

You'll let people know what's going on.

All right, okay.

Well, all right, let me play a tune real quick while I get the phone number dialed out.

And it is 9.30 Thursday night, August 18th, 9.30 Eastern time, that is.

And you're listening to The Madhouse on PCU.

What are you doing there, Mr. Punk?

Hello?

Punk!

What's up, Punk?

Yeah.

Brian Punk?

Yeah.

Brian Punk.

The hell are you doing with a name like that, Brian Punk?

Like Brian Jazz.

You can be cool with all the ladies.

Fine.

What's going on?

Well, your name sucks, first of all.

Don't you get made fun of by the kids in the yard?

The kids with the funny hair and the piercings and whatnot?

Who is this?

I'm with the name police.

What the fuck do you think it is?

I don't know.

Well, let's go over some options for your name.

I got Mr. Punk.

Not Mr. Punk.

Mr. Jazz would be cool.

You ever thought about that?

Do you like jazz?

Do you like punk music?

Explain.

Did you change your name?

Were you born with that awful, god-awful name?

Yeah.

You were born with that name.

Where's that from?

Germany? Don't be offended. Don't be afraid. Talk. Come on. Time is money.

I couldn't hear you. I got another phone. Who is it?

It doesn't matter. I'm telling you. With the name police.

And I'm calling you because your name is a bunch of shit.

Mr. Punk.

You know, all you need is an S in front of that and your last name is Spunk.

You don't want that, do you?

What do you want, buddy?

Well, obviously I want you to change your name.

I'm going here through the phone book and looking at all the stuff that needs to be changed.

Brian Punk has got to go. You've got to go.

I mean, you're embarrassing us in front of the terrorists.

don't laugh

you unpatriotic fuck

I'll do that

what are you going to

change it to

seriously

you got to get

on the ball here

what are you going

to change it to

oh my god

you're slow

don't be gay

Mr. Spunk

seriously

Brian Jazz

I'll give you

30 days to change

your last name

to Brian Jazz

and I won't send

this bill to you

what I've had

five years

and I've never

hurt anybody like you

well now you did

I guess it's your

lucky night

isn't it Mr. Spunk

I guess

Mr. Spooge

Mr. Sperm

Mr. Cum

Mr. Jism

this is

This?

This is Carlito.

Tell me who you are.

Carlito, man.

Carlito in the madhouse.

My boy Milkman is listening, too.

Carlito who?

Carlito Brigante.

Buddy.

Come on, dude.

Think.

We go way back.

Back in the days there, back in the Brill Building.

Come on.

Me, you, Mr. Spunk.

We had Mr. Jizz.

Mr. Schlong.

What's that noise?

What are you doing over there?

Buddy.

Well, I can't figure you out with that last name.

Seriously.

I'm about to hang up on you because you're pretty much boring my audience right now,

dude.

Well, fine.

You beat me to it.

That's it.

That was great.

Not bad.

Yeah, not a bad way to start the show.

What do you think about that one?

That was good.

Yeah?

Yeah, it was good.

I was just like, oh, I'm clueless.

He's just like, what?

All right, my man is coming through.

Peepers, a.k.a. They Lonesome Des.

D-E-S.

Is he trying to be French with that?

Des Lonesome Lose?

All right, well, Milkman, check this out.

Here's what we got so far.

We got Jimmy and Amy Joint, Angelica and Steve Blunt,

Blunt, Bobby Blunt, Harry Balls, Ned Porn, and Rom Porn.

Well, the Blunts sound good for the party to get started.

Hey, well, hey, look, you can't beat this.

We've got a Rom, R-O-M, last name Porn, and Seattle Wah, Seattle, Washington.

Oh, yeah.

And A, it's my favorite.

I wonder if he's Jeremy.

Yeah, exactly.

Well, it's an Asian, yeah, exactly.

Well, it's an Asian guy who answered a 914.

Oh, cool.

Oh, an Asian guy with a last name Porn.

How about the do it with you?

I'm wondering, I'm hoping everybody can hear you

You sound great

You're starting to break up, now we're having trouble with all this

Okay, well I'll just stay right here

No, no, you're doing good

Everybody out there in the chat room

Please let me, give me some feedback real quick

How's Milkman coming through?

Can you hear him? Can you understand him?

And what not

We got Barry Boob coming in

Guy answered about 9.35

Alright, that works

And of course we have the Guam project

that never really took off due to technical difficulties last week.

But right now in Guam, you have the time zone set up right over there for me?

Yeah, I'm looking at it.

Give me a time check on the island of Guam in the Pacific.

Okay.

You're supposed to have it ready.

It's 11.30 tomorrow.

11.30 a.m. on Friday.

You see, isn't that bullshit?

Here we are.

I have to work tomorrow.

I still have to sleep.

And these motherfuckers are like almost halfway done with the day.

At 11 o'clock, I'm on my lunch break.

That's bullshit.

Yeah, my buddy at Life just went out for lunch.

He just went out for lunch?

What?

Yeah.

You went out for lunch when?

No, my pal at Life, like, he's down at AU.

Oh, okay.

Okay, I got you.

Oh, really?

Yeah, Hawaii is 336.

Okay.

Los Angeles is 636.

Yeah, hey, we had some fun last week with Hawaii.

I had, we called a lot of restaurants last week.

Well, not a lot, but we called quite a few.

That's a good time.

Hey, they're pretty good, too.

They're nice people, and they'll stay on for a while.

Yeah, they're clueless.

They're like, I'm not going to say nothing bad about that, but they're all right.

I don't think anybody ever calls him that much.

I know.

You know, I need to get some numbers in Alaska.

I know those people, for hell, they don't have anything to do out there.

They'll probably stand in front of me the whole time.

They'll be begging me, please call me back.

Make fun of me some more.

I'll build them in.

Yeah, yeah.

So, anyway, regarding the situations that occurred with PC over the weekend,

everybody knows what happened.

There was a little bit of a falling out between Ted and, what's his face, KDK?

Is that his name?

I'm kidding.

kidding. KDK, who I feel, for me, KDK runs the show. Between the two of them, KDK and

Ted, it was KDK. I mean, I'm sure Ted did all the things in the background and the silence,

but I never really got any support or help from Ted. I mean, he seems like a nice guy.

KDK speaks very highly of him, despite everything that's happened. I'm hoping they'll be able

to work things out. I haven't seen the recent postings, but the last I saw, KDK was mentioning

things might work out. That would be great. I would like to

see them work

things out because they seem like they're good friends

and they've been together for a few years now

so hopefully that'll work out between them.

And then we got, who was this now?

Now, who's

Wormtongue, what we call

Rebel, right? He's the guy that started all the mess, right?

Yeah, Grima. Yeah, Grima

Wormtongue. So what's his deal now?

Do you know? Can you update us on exactly what

happened? Well, from the best I can tell

he came in the chat room, starting

a fight, came in with a name like a hater and stuff, started rousing up people and giving

them some crap, and of course people are enjoying a peaceful chat room, kind of decided to light

him up.

Well, he must have went to hell, because next thing you know, he was falling at his feet

worshiping Ted, and he pulled the plug on us.

That's horrible.

Well, it was just a little bit of asshat.

The word asshat is like the straw that broke the camel's back, apparently, huh?

Well, that's the way they're after.

I'm sure everything will work out.

Okay, let's do another call while we're at it.

All right.

Buck coward.

I want to call Mr. Porn.

Imagine having that kind of name.

Hey, I'm a porn.

I make a lot of friends with that name.

All right.

Okay, all right.

Well, guys, it's 940 Eastern on Thursday night on the Madhouse.

We'll be right back with the next call.

You have 26 minutes available for this call.

Please enter the area code and phone number you wish to please hold while we connect your call.

Do you have any pawn?

What?

Do you have any pawn?

Do you have a pawn stash?

Pawn stash?

Yeah.

What is that?

You know, pawn-o-collection.

You're creating pawns.

No.

No, huh?

So, how are things in Washington over there, Mr. Pawn?

Pawn.

Whatever, with the details.

Anyways, you get a lot of action with that name, Pawn?

Yeah.

You ever think about changing the name to hyphenating it with star at the end of it?

We could be Mr. Pawnstah.

Whoa.

Yeah, this is Carlito.

I told you already.

Anyway, so I'm going to guess.

I'm really good with the Asians

You are Vietnamese

Nope

You are from Guam

You're Samoan

Nope

You're Mexican

Filipino

Nope

Where are you from?

Filipino?

Cambodia

Hey

Home of Pol Pot

Huh?

Yeah

You know we had a secret war

So

Were you born in Cambodia?

Did you emigrate from there?

I was born here

You were born here huh?

Yeah

Do you ever get a lot of shit

Because of your last name?

Yeah

Yeah you do

Pisses you off huh?

Yup

You should play football

See?

I played football.

You know, people used to make fun of me until I started playing football.

Oh.

Yeah, that's what you gotta do.

So, so what do you do?

I mean, you back yourself up, right?

Do you do any martial arts or anything like that?

No.

So you just let people walk all over you and make fun of you?

Oh, no.

No?

No.

You know, I call them back and stuff, you know?

Yeah?

What do you call them?

You call them round-eye?

You call them round-eye.

Those damn round-eyes, man.

You know it.

Alright, I'm late.

Uh, Mr. Porn.

It was Mr. Pond.

I'm sorry.

Sorry, I'm disrespectful on me.

It was great talking to you.

Thank you for being on my radio show.

Do you have the internet?

Nope.

You don't?

Nope.

An Asian guy without the internet, huh?

You lie.

All right, Mr. Pond.

Well, yeah, you have a good night.

Thank you for participating, sir.

All right.

All right, peace.

All right, that wasn't too bad.

That sucked, actually.

What am I talking about?

That kid's like, yeah, I'm used to it.

Whatever, make fun of me.

Whatever.

You damn youngins.

No, right?

He's just like, whatever.

God, man, the kid's 13.

He's like, yeah, I get made fun of.

He doesn't really care.

Yeah, he's into it.

He's got a good name.

I guess so.

He's got a good answer.

He's good looking for conversation.

Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, I guess so.

Nothing really funny.

I need some craziness going on.

Everything, so far, everything's just kind of blasé.

What else do we have?

We've got a Norman Pansy coming in.

Everything thanks to Mr. Peepers slash Deslotsam Loser,

who always comes through with the very good numbers that are always tested out.

He does a very good job.

Peeps in the house!

Exactly.

Inez Bouncer

I don't know what to do with that

It was a lady, old guy

I want to miss some old people

Norman Pansy in Webster City, Iowa

An old man who answered a 943

Well why the hell not

Okay, well here's our call number 3

Look man, we're only what

Like 25 minutes into the show

And I'm running on my third call

And you hear me cooking on the phone too

I got it all set up, speed dial

I'm doing calls faster than I've ever had before

And the music is wonderful.

Hell yeah, hell yeah.

Well, okay, hopefully my battery lasts.

It charged all day, but this phone sucks.

Carlito is the man.

All right, everybody, we'll be right back with another call.

We're calling Mr. Pansy, an old man in Iowa.

Let's see how this goes.

We'll be right back with you.

It's 945 Eastern on the Madhouse.

But this call, please enter.

While we connect your call.

Astrid's talking on the phone.

Well, he took his phone off the hook when it got tested.

That's what happened.

Get the hell off the phone.

All right, now what's an old man doing on the phone at 946 tonight?

He should be playing dominoes.

Like, what were those people, the Happys?

That's what I'm talking about.

I need to call the Happys again, man.

The Happys, they're partying, man.

They're like, we're here playing dominoes.

My husband's disabled.

Hell, it was funny.

Obviously, he's got both his hands working, I hope.

Yeah, those old people.

Hey, I got some numbers in the Virgin Islands.

I've got the Moonraker Dance Club.

I thought I could call them as Sean Connery.

You know, kind of like the whole 007.

Hey, that's a good place.

Yeah.

But I...

I'm sure somebody else will answer.

Oh, you've heard of the Moonraker?

Oh, I know where it's at.

Oh, yeah, you're in...

You've got a lot of band and stuff.

You're in St. Croix, right?

That's St. Croix, yeah.

Yeah, I've got the D.V. Carina Bay Casino.

Now, that one, you'll probably get an operator.

Oh, fuck that, then.

Let's see.

Oh, no, we had a guy answer there last week at 11.50.

Oh, okay.

Well, you could probably call some hotel room number to start dialing random numbers.

Yeah.

Or three-digit numbers.

Yeah, all right.

I don't know. We'll see about that.

I just got a Dick Poser come in.

Dick Poser just came in.

We'll try that in a little bit also.

I like that one.

I want to get a hold of that old man.

I want old men.

That sounds so fucking gay.

I like old men.

That's fucking sick.

The Moonraker Dance Club.

Let's try the Moonraker.

All right.

Hang on, guys.

We'll be right back with some more.

No.

For this call, please enter the area code and phone number you wish to call.

I can't talk like Sean Connery. I wish I could.

Good evening there. How are you, sir?

Hello, how are you, sir?

I command you to speak, sir. Hello.

Sir!

Hello?

Sir, let's not mess around. I got people listening.

How are you doing?

I can't hear your phone. It's a bad connection.

Get the phone out of your ass.

Turn down the music.

This is Sean Connery.

This is the Moonraker.

Yeah?

Well, I'm coming down with Octopussy and Jaws, and we're going to party.

You have any live music in that mug?

Yes, tonight. No, not live music. We got a DJ tonight.

What kind of bullshit is that?

Hey, I left some stuff over there the other night.

You wouldn't have happened to have found it, had you?

I can't hear you at all, man.

Your phone's really bad.

Hey, hey, faggot.

What's the point of having a phone in a loud club, then?

I guess I'll see you when you get here, then.

You're going to see me when I get there?

What, are you some kind of tough guy?

Hey, man.

You know who you're messing with?

Take that fucking Fisher phone back.

Oh, I can't hear you.

Hey, man.

Okay.

Chichi-man, faggot.

Hi, puta.

Seriously, why do you have a phone in a club like that if you're not going to hear anything?

I think it's like...

It's rinky-dink.

It's a rinky-dink.

It's loud as hell over there.

Yeah.

It's a nice place.

What kind of people run the Moonraker, though?

Those, I mean...

Well, they've got mostly white crowd in there

because they play a lot of, like, American music,

you know, rock and stuff.

There's a few, you know,

a few black people that are in there.

Yeah.

It's not a real big island club.

Do black people own a lot of businesses there?

Yeah, but actually probably more...

There's a lot of A-Rabs that own businesses.

I'm worried about that.

I'm really worried about these A-Rabs.

They invaded PCU and they took over

I love this thing

Like a 2 plus 2 club is a black club

What time is it dude?

It's 9.51

I got enough time for another call for my first break

You got to be hot on

Let me go back to the chat room

People are saying that he's gay

I don't know what they're talking about

They're probably not talking about the show

Because the show sucks tonight

Audrey Wuss

Old lady answered a 9.49

Well there I can fulfill my mature woman fetish

All here in Spring Hill, Florida

Athena where's Spring Hill?

Can you find out for me?

No, you don't have to.

I make her do stuff for me.

All right, I'm going to call Audrey Wuss.

Hey, Milkman, do you have any suggestions yourself?

Like anything, you want to mess with anybody, you got a phone number?

You usually come through with some numbers to yourself, man.

Yeah, I've got my phone book.

I'm going to do a couple of confirms while you're on.

Okay, all right, no problem, no problem.

All right, well, I'm going to try Audrey Wuss, an old lady.

Audrey Wuss.

And when I get a chance, I'll try Mr. Pansy also because he's not getting away from me, I swear to God.

got we're right back with the next call here it's 952 eastern on pcu radio p that's right and what

i said pcu radio right we're we're still we're gonna be pcu radio till we die till we fucking

die fuck everybody fuck rebel and and pcu damn mine yeah i'm not supposed to talk bad about ted

because kdk i know he doesn't want us he said himself he didn't call a hit on ted's all right

ted's all right he's just i don't know i don't know he's menstrual or something just just it

It was just one of those things that had to go.

It was a growing thing.

Whatever, yeah.

I mean, it's all for the best.

Anyway, we'll be right back with the next call, peoples.

Hang on.

Eddie

everybody

Can you believe that guy tried to start a singing career with that song?

Yeah, I was surprised

That's Aubrey James, though

He wrote the song

Yeah, man, Rick was cool

Rest in peace

Hello!

Ms. Wuss, how are you?

Who is this?

Yeah, this is Carlito.

How you doing, Ms. Wuss?

Who is this?

This is Carlito.

How you doing?

I don't know anybody by the name of Carlito.

Hang on, hang on, Ms. Wuss.

First, you just calm down, all right, hon?

Now, I'm with the Spring Hill Neighborhood Society,

and we'd like to know if you'd be interested in joining the Neighborhood Watch.

We're having a lot of trouble with the Schwatzes.

With the what?

The Schwatzes, the Schwatzes, you know, the Negroes, the Coloreds.

There's no, you know, I'm not interested in anything.

Well, I need to inform you that they've been stealing bicycles and putting dirty magazines in people's mailboxes.

Now, you're part of the watch? You're working with the Sheriff's Department?

No, we're not affiliated. We're a completely grassroots volunteer association before the people.

We don't have anything to do with them, because that would be wrong.

I don't think so. I really don't think so.

Well, you need to watch out for the Negroes, because they've been moving in and the property values are going down.

Yeah, well, as far as I know, there are none in our neighborhood.

Well, they're coming.

I can tell you right now, Rufus Hemsley is moving in about three doors down in about two weeks.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, you should be concerned.

You might want to think about selling your house, moving up to, you know, another part of the state where there's less Negroes.

I'm sorry, but I'm not prejudiced.

I'm really not.

Well, I'm not either.

If they can afford to move into this area, then they have to be pretty decent people.

Not these people.

I'll tell you what.

There's nothing decent about this.

And I'm not prejudiced either, but you need to understand, you know, the property values go down.

We're going to lose money.

We're losing Spring Hill.

So we just ask that you please be vigilant, and any black people you see, report it to us at the neighborhood watch.

Well, if I see any problem, we'll report it to the sheriff because we're part of the sheriff's department.

Well, yeah, I mean, they're too slow.

You can't trust the feds in something like this.

Well, they're not the feds.

You can't, you know, it's a little bit of anarchy.

Okay, thanks for calling.

All right, well, hey, have a good night.

God bless you.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

There you go.

Milkman, you still there, damn it?

Yeah.

Were you offended by that last call?

I know you're half black.

No, I was cool with it.

Are you half,

you're not half black.

No.

Listen here, man,

I ain't taking no guys.

You're a motherfucker.

What?

I'll kick your little ass, man.

Yeah.

Joop in the chat room,

yes, that was

my girl likes to party

all the time.

That's heard in the movie.

What's that movie in Iraq

in Kuwait

with that guy with the hair

from ER?

You know what I'm talking about?

What about George Clooney, that guy?

What was it called?

Three Kings.

You seen Three Kings?

Okay, okay.

No, no, no.

I was thinking Green Eggs and Ham.

Green Eggs and Ham.

Because of the asshat thing.

Oh, asshat.

Oh.

Man, you're totally up.

Watch out, man.

Show some respect, man.

Anyway, it's 9.57.

It's about time for me to take my 10 o'clock break because I've got to take a pee.

I need to drink some beer.

I'm way behind here.

Yeah.

Excuse me.

Anyway.

What are you talking about?

Anyway, so you're going to get, what are you drinking now, Beck Dark?

Beck's Dark and Lovely.

Well, is that nice?

How would you describe it compared to something?

What, is it like an ale, like a dark ale, kind of like a honey taste?

Yeah, it's kind of close to maybe like a Lowenbrau, if you've ever had one of those.

Maybe like an Amstel or maybe a Sam Adams, somewhere in that range.

But it's not real bitter.

You ever put codeine in your beer?

Only when I got a bad cold

I'm sure

Only when it's legal right

Don't mind

I know

You know they have

A codeine tablets

That you can buy in Canada

And they're legal

When

Number three Tylenol

Is what they call them here

They're legal up there

Number three Tylenol

Yeah I mean

You can go in the drugstore

And buy them

Well I know

I've heard of

I've had that prescribed to me once

Like I was

Yeah I mean with your teeth

I was 16

And I didn't know anything about it

And I held on to it for a year

I was a senior

senior, and someone was like, yeah, have you ever heard of, like, he was talking about,

like, tie on all three, he's like, oh, yeah, I got that when I got my tooth pulled, and

I just never take it, he's like, oh, sure, really, he gave me a bunch of, I forget how

much he gave me, but he was, like, all into it, then I got paranoid about taking him to

school, because, you know, getting expelled or arrested, and nodding off, and, yeah, but

he, I swear to God, he crushed him like, like Coke, and just snorted him right there in

class, it's insane. Oh, my Lord, man. Yeah, he, yeah, that kid, he ended up getting,

He got arrested on campus.

They opened his locker.

He had about three cans of Freon inside his locker from his dad's business.

He was trying to sell those to get high.

Yeah, he was insane.

He's probably dead or in jail or some shit like that.

Well, anyway, I'm going to take a break.

It's just about 10 o'clock.

I'll be back in about six minutes, everybody, so don't go anywhere.

It's, like I said, Thursday night.

You're listening to The Madhouse.

Be back right after this.

Madhouse will be back right after this.

Drender, Sukh-Drender?

Hmm, Sukh-Drender Asshat.

Um, in Fresno, California.

In California,

of all places, this guy lives. Imagine that.

It must be related.

It must be related to the

Arab rebel. Anyway,

okay, we're gonna get Sukh-Drender

Asshat on the line. Try to have some fun.

You said, now what? You think he's a black man, huh?

No, mine is.

Oh, okay, you got it.

See, look at that name there.

Yeah, that's definitely a black Muslim.

Oh, you know what?

I haven't given out the number for people to call in.

Oh, well, if you're ready for them to call in, I guess, tell them to call.

You're coming in and out again, man.

Anyway.

Okay, well.

Stabilize.

Have them call whenever you're not.

That's okay.

Stabilize.

Just stabilize.

All right, you're doing good.

Okay, hey, everybody, the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

It just went out.

Whoa.

Oh, it just went out on the last new re-intro thing that I recorded.

It doesn't sound good.

I didn't like it.

It's like a computer voice.

It doesn't sound as good as I thought it was going to work out.

I need to work on that.

It sounds pretty cool, though.

I like it.

It's different.

Yeah, the music's cool.

I don't know.

I didn't feel like talking that night.

Robot, danger, danger.

Exactly.

Red alert.

Anyway, okay.

Let's call Asshat.

I've got to get proper music for calling Asshat.

I hope you're in the chat room there.

He's spoofing.

And the funny thing is, he has a Muslim name.

A Muslim name with an S.

I can't believe this is the irony of it all.

That's a kid's joke.

Exactly.

All right.

Everybody, we'll be right back with your next call.

The Madhouse.

Area code and phone number you wish to call while we connect your call.

Pick up, please.

Hello.

Hello, pick up.

Your son is here and he done a horrible thing.

I know he's there.

I would have tried that.

You know, I want to try to hijack.

Oh, my God.

Did you hear what?

Did you hear KDK hack?

hack on Long Dong's

answering machine, and he played back

that fucking message last night.

It was like three

minutes long.

Some Vietnamese said it like,

Oh my

God. And then the guy finally

picks up and hangs up on

KDK right as he was getting ready

to change his outgoing message. That was hilarious.

Oh, just for the final...

It was funny.

Long Dong, man. I think he's wise enough

in his 95 years.

If KDK doesn't mind, I'd like to try calling him.

I know that's KDK's bitch and all, but if he'd let me tap that for one night, I'd definitely...

He should let me tap that for one night.

You have his number, right?

I don't have his number.

People have to do it.

Prankmas?

Prankmas isn't even in the chatroom, I don't think, is he?

No.

Okay, Zolar's on, but...

Zolar's on?

Oh, yeah, Zolar isn't even on AOL.

He's on AOL, right?

Hey, everybody, before I go any further, before we do our next call,

we're talking about the AOL Instant Messenger is up, of course, Madhouse Radio.

Again, that's Madhouse Radio.

If you would like to speak with me now live as I'm doing the show,

send me your numbers, send me your comments, send me what you think, whatever it is.

Best way to get a hold of me, Madhouse Radio on AOL Instant Messenger.

Also, if you're using Yahoo, you can reach me at MadhousePCURadio.

Again, that is MadhousePCURadio.

If you're using MSN, you know, MSN, for some reason, it's really popular with the British.

I don't know why, but everybody that I have on MSN.

A lot of foreigners use it.

Yeah, everybody that I have on MSN is British.

I have one Scottish guy.

Yeah, I have a bunch of people in Australia I've met, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah?

All right.

Okay, well, that's...

My Brit's over there.

Yeah, all right.

Well, that's also MadhousePCURadio at Hotmail.com.

At Hotmail.com.

Why don't you just give us a tap, Blimey?

How about it, Nunu?

Oh, yeah, exactly.

Yeah, Nunu is...

He's from the British Isles, isn't he?

Yeah, he's pretty cool, man.

He has some good decent numbers.

Yeah.

He can't listen to the whole show because of the fact that I'm on so late.

I don't...

Give me a time check.

So you're on earlier for him.

Yeah, give me a time check for Britton over there.

That's Grinch Mean Time, isn't it?

Britton, ah.

That should be...

Britton, it's...

G-T plus zero.

2.15 a.m.

2.15, man, that's late for him.

Is he on still?

Yeah, he's on.

Thank you, Nunu, for being on.

But he's in there.

Yeah, well, his comments about the fact that my show came on too late for him made me think.

And you know what?

The first week I did the early start to the show is I met up with a bunch of people from

From Europe

So that was pretty cool

Not a lot of them

But a lot of them

Were calling in

I guess there was

Some dude in Britain

Who was broadcasting

Out to like

What was it

Like 45 people

Who were working

At some building

No you're not

Security

Yeah something like that

So anyway

Mad props to

Nunu for being

Out here tonight

So late

I know it's

Probably hard

But he's on with me

So that's cool

Nunu

Wait he can't call in

Anyway never mind

We should try

I should get his number

or give him a call through Gizmo once I get that done.

Yeah, I don't have his aim, but he's in chat.

Yeah, he's in chat.

Whatever.

Well, anyway, just give him a shout-out to him.

He seems like a pretty cool cat.

Anyway, all right, so we got Long Dong.

I got his number finally.

I think I'll give him a call.

Well, I don't have his phone number.

Oh, there is his number.

Okay.

Let me give Long Dong.

And also, Katie Care on Saturday, man.

What the hell?

What the hell are you doing?

You can't play sound effects, Milkman.

You're not allowed to do that.

Oh, man.

Hey, can you do me a favor, Athena?

Could you turn the fan down?

The fan's too loud.

It's making a clackety-clack-clack-clack.

Thanks.

I'm sorry to interrupt you.

What are you doing over there?

Oh, you're in the chat room.

Am I allowed to divulge who you are?

It's obvious if I'm calling you by your name here.

Oh, I wonder who's in there.

I wonder who Carlita's girlfriend is.

She's in there.

Anyway, everybody say hi to my girlfriend.

She's in there.

There you go.

Thanks.

Okay, I'm going to give Long Dong a call here to see what he's up to.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, what was I talking about?

about KDK did the whole thing,

Ram-a-Nam-a-Ding-Dong kind of song, too.

And I laughed about that all day Sunday.

It was just a sentence of words like,

Bom-bom-bom, Ram-a-Nam-a-Ding-Dong.

And he's, the guy's like,

Who did that?

I heard him busting it out, man.

A lot of no worries.

I'm dying, man.

KDK did a good job.

I actually wrecked my rascal scooter.

Oh, really?

There you go.

Hang on.

All right, let me get long time on the line.

Hang on.

Let me get long time on the line, everybody.

Hang on.

It is 10-18 on PCU.

TCU.

Mr. Dong, how you doing there?

Dong.

Dong Dong.

Who are you?

Who are you, Mr. Dong?

Dong Dong, Dong Dong.

This is Carlito.

Hey, calm down.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Calm down.

Hey, no, you listen.

You listen.

Hey.

International Big Brother.

Shut up.

Shut up, old man.

You shut up over there.

Zipperhead, listen to me.

Oh, my God.

He just beat the shit out of his phone.

He's so angry.

Did you hear him hang the phone up?

He's like, what did you do?

I think he did a karate chop with that one.

He crushed the phone in his hand

He's probably

No, he just destroyed it

God, that guy gets tortured

Oh my god, I'm talking loud

I'm over-modulating like crazy

Alright, so you got me the guy in St. Croix

Who sounds like a black man

Yeah

And that name is just so much possibility

I'm sure it was him

Let me try to get this

Someone was asking me for the number here

Bear with me everybody

I'm just ignoring the show

as I instruct people to call me in at 888-278-8509.

No one's calling.

Fucking, it's free.

I don't know what's wrong with yous.

But anyway, I forgot my PayPal account stuff.

I can't figure out how to buy minutes for Gizmo,

so I can make some calls through it.

We got to test that out.

Anyway, what's going on?

I got a, who is this?

A, Milkman?

Milkman.

Yeah, man.

at. I'm sending you somebody who needs help getting

into the chat room. You see that? Well, it's

going to come up any second now. When you see it come through,

try to help that person out with getting

into the chat room, if you don't mind.

Thank you. Thank you. Okay.

Well, time for another call, everybody.

Courtney Love in Indiana. That's not the real Courtney Love.

Janina Puto. Janina Puto.

I'm going to call Janina Puto.

All right. I need some Puto music.

Hey, you sent me some...

You sent me some Santana, didn't you?

Like three weeks ago, you sent me some...

Breaking up again, dude. Everybody, we're coming back.

was with another prank call it's uh 10 22 on the madhouse please hold while we connect your call

we caught the line man i need now pick up the line baby i know you're there taking me are you

peacing i want to hear you pissing to the phone baby come on pick up the phone no baby it's a

voicemail that was an expression right yeah there's about like several three digit codes

are pretty common on the old machines but i'm sure you gotta hit pound or star or something

And I think I just did it too long.

The toll-free line, again, is 888-278-8509.

Again, that's 888-278-8509.

You can join in live.

Chat room, too.

Chat us up.

Yeah, yeah.

Chat up with us at go to kdkprankcalls.com.

Again, that is kdkprankcalls.com.

Click on the chat logo.

As far as I know, that's the easiest way to join the chat.

Now, break him off, Milkman, with the IRC wave, if you don't mind.

The chat is irc.lazy-net.de.

irc.lazy-net.de.

That's the IRC wave.

Hey, my mom's calling.

Let's see if she'll play tonight.

Hang on.

Hello?

Que no me contesta.

I'm here with Athena.

You're going to have to speak in English, please.

Please, don't do the at.

Just speak in English, please.

You're on speakerphone.

Hello, Mom.

You tell me que pasa.

uh-huh how are you doing

oh jesus mom jesus jesus you're gonna have to make me stop everything to talk to you aren't you

you're gonna make me have to stop everything to talk to you aren't you i can't hear you i said

you are going to make me have to stop everything to talk to you aren't you what you're hearing okay

today mom hello she just hung up on me my old mom just hung up the phone on me i tried to get

internet too. I'm in trouble with my mom. That's insane. Am I what? What was it? She

probably better just tune in on the internet. Yeah, she doesn't know how to do the show

because if I had told her, she would be asking me, she'd ask me a thousand questions about

it. Yeah, she'd be ragging. Yeah, she'd be like, how much are you paying? What's it costing

you? You're going to get arrested. That's her again. Come on. No, this is... Hello? How

you doing? I'm doing good. Is this Carlito? Yeah, buddy. How you doing there? I'm doing

fantastic. Fabulous. Who am I speaking with? Joop. Joop. What's up, Joop? How you doing,

man? It's good to talk to you. Someone else is calling me already. Ah, that's... We know

who that is. Uh-oh. Oh, I just hung up on... I just hung up on Joop. Everybody, there's

chaos here. We're going to have to take a break. I'll be... Chaos. Chaos. I'll be right

back here on the madhouse. It's 1028. On the madhouse. Hey, what's up, Joop? I just

Do you think it was very rude that you hung up on me?

Look, it takes precedence that Carlita's mom was calling, okay?

You don't understand.

When she gets mad, the shit hits the fan.

She cursed me out in Spanish.

She said I was being rude and shit.

It's fucking insane.

Does your mom ever get mad at you, Jupe?

No, she's kind of...

She just guilt trips me into stuff.

You're 13.

How old are you, 13?

I'm 14.

You're 14?

All right, good.

When are you turning 15?

Is your birthday coming up or you just turned 14?

It's, uh, it's like a month from today.

What are you, a sophomore?

No, I'm a freshman.

You're a freshman?

Did you just, did you start already?

No, I start in, uh, on the 4th of September, I think.

Man, that's fucked up, man.

People started here, like, on, on, like, last week, right, Athena?

Schools are starting already?

I think, yeah, like, schools started here, like, last week.

But we get out, like, a lot earlier.

You know why?

Because, um, no, it doesn't make any sense.

You guys should start earlier than we do.

You guys have snow days.

Milk, milk, man.

We don't get snow days anymore, actually.

I know.

The superintendent's a fag.

Oh, really?

He makes y'all go still?

Yeah.

Fuck that.

You should TP his house.

That's what we used to do back in my day.

Man, what's up?

Yeah, you should.

Work with that.

So, what's up, man?

What you got going on tonight?

You want to do a call?

Or are you just calling in patronized?

I wanted to do the priest call.

The priest call.

That's right.

But you know what?

I didn't research and find...

Damn.

I didn't find...

All right.

We got to find out who to call, though.

We got to find out who should we call.

Oh, I'm thinking Hawaii.

Okay, let me try to find it in Hawaii.

Stop playing the bass.

He's playing the bass?

My brother plays upright bass.

Upright bass?

Oh, I thought it was the bass guitar or something like that.

He plays bass guitar, too.

He got the upright bass yesterday.

Oh, really?

Okay.

Is that for school?

Matt, what?

Do you ever fight him?

Do you ever get in a fight, like, physically?

We used to get in a lot of fights, but we don't really anymore.

Who's older, you or Matt?

Matt.

Matt is?

We're twins.

Oh, you're twins.

Oh, you're twins? Really? Oh, that's crazy.

Oh, so he's older by, like, what? Like an hour or something? Or ten minutes?

He's older by three minutes.

Matt, shut the fuck up.

You're being annoying.

Kick his ass, man. Kick his ass, dude.

Now, the base is $500, though.

Wait, look, I have to...

I'll knock the bridge off, Matt.

My, uh, my trumpet was $300, if that's any consolation.

Alright, I'm trying to find...

I'm gonna call...

I'm gonna call the Catholic priest, and we're gonna try to get a marriage license,

and you're my altar boy.

But I gotta find...

Matt, we're doing a prank now.

Could you please stop?

Yeah, come on, man.

It's all I grow up.

Man, he's what?

Matt!

You know, sometimes you just need to punch him.

You just need to punch a brother.

That's the only way he's gonna understand.

Dude, dude, stop.

All right, put it on the bed.

Hey, guys.

Just kidding.

This is too...

Look, man.

That's insane.

All right.

Dude, man.

All right, I'm trying to find a Hawaii marriage license.

See who it is that I should be calling.

I'm guessing that's, like, the best option to call somebody.

And I spelled marriage wrong.

All right.

Hang on, I'm working on it.

All right, Hawaii here and where to get, how and where to get your marriage license in Honolulu.

I guess that's going to tell us who to call.

And there it is, the Hawaii Department of Health.

No, that's not going to work.

That's too official.

Stop that.

Why don't we call it, like, Las Vegas?

Well, yeah, I'm thinking a divorce law would probably be better, to be honest with you.

Yeah.

I'm going to say we're already married.

We want to get divorced because it's not working out.

Oh, we're getting divorced?

Yeah, we're already married and we're going to say we're going to get divorced.

And I'm the Catholic priest.

I'll say I'm about to be excommunicated or something.

Divorce lawyer.

Okay.

You know what, you're right, because in Vegas you can get married just about...

Yeah, you're right, hang on, let's do that shit.

Wedding chapel, that's what they call them out there.

Yeah.

Look at this man.

Ask G's.

I use Google.

What do you use for searching there, kid?

I use, like, super pages.

Why?

I don't know.

I'm just curious.

I'm trying to learn.

I'm trying to learn what other people do.

I got the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino.

This is the wedding chapel.

There's the Aladdin Wedding Chapel.

Oh, let's call it there.

Yeah, let's call it there.

Sounds like a plan.

All right, let me get my bearings here and find some music to play.

I'll play that.

All right, everybody.

It's our big project here with you.

And myself will be right back in just a second.

Mormon country.

Oh, okay.

This is Lisa.

Hello, my child.

How are you?

I'm lovely.

Great.

Look there.

My name is Father McWhorters,

and I'm visiting here in the Salt Lake area in the diocese.

And I wanted to know, now that I'm here, I've understood here in America,

you can get married now with the young boys.

And I have my altar boy.

He goes everywhere with me for the last five years.

His name is Matthew,

Matthew, and we want to see if we can get married.

I want to get married.

You want...

Hello?

Yes, hello.

This is Father McQuarters, and I'm visiting America with the Salt Lake City Catholic Diocese.

And I'm here with my altar boy, Matthew.

Hello.

Are you there, Matthew?

Hello.

Hello, I'm 12 years old.

I sing in the choir.

If you all can get a wedding license, we'll marry you.

Well, where can we get the wedding license?

Do you sell them there?

You need to go to the clerk's office.

Where is that?

21st South Station.

Well, I don't know how to get there.

Can you possibly, I go there and we go out together?

That's fine.

Then you can come tomorrow at 10 in the morning when we're there.

Okay.

We'll take you over there.

Now, for the service, he wants to wear the little sailor outfit.

Do you have anything like that in the size for an 11-year-old boy?

Sure.

Yes.

Oh, I don't know.

Let me have you talk to our costume designer.

Oh, excellent.

Hello?

Hello.

Costume design?

Oh, first of all, who is this?

This is Father McQuarters.

I'm from Scotland, and I'm visiting.

I'm here with my altar boy, and we just checked in here into the Salt Lake Diocese, the Catholic Church.

And we understand that in America you cannot get married now,

and we'd like to know if possible we can get married.

He would like to wear the sailor boy outfit.

You want to marry an altar boy?

Yes.

Okay, well, give me your name so I can call the police,

because that's illegal here to try to marry a same-sex or a child.

It's not.

I saw that John Kerry said it was legal, a civil union.

Well, I don't care what John Kerry said.

It's not illegal.

But I'm not.

I'm telling you the law.

If you marry an altar boy, you're going to get locked up.

So give me your name again.

Well, we're not married yet, you know.

Well, you're not going to get married at our chapel, sir, because we don't do that.

Do you know anywhere that marries men?

I don't have no idea, sir.

You called the wrong number, and if you call back, I want to get this call traced.

Oh, yes.

So I can get the police on you.

My God.

My child, no, look.

It's very fine, my child.

Are you Catholic?

Matthew, are they there?

They want to talk to you, Matthew.

Matthew, talk to them.

I'm Marsley, actually.

Marsley?

Hello, Mr. Costume?

They've hung up on us.

Those bastards, they're going to hell.

Ah!

Bloody bastards.

Hello.

Yes.

Hello.

Hey, speak.

Okay.

Hey, what's up, man?

You know, I just realized I was giving out the name.

I didn't even realize I was saying that.

Matthew.

My bad.

One Mark, anyway.

Yeah, I know, but still, I don't want to, yeah, I'm thinking when you change your name,

I was like, oh, he probably doesn't want them to think, you know, because between you and

Mark and Matthew, you guys look the same.

So those are Bible names, huh?

Yeah, like old people always come up to me and they're like, where's Luke and John?

Luke and John?

Oh, very funny.

You probably, yeah, that would fucking suck.

So, hey, that was pretty good, unfortunately.

I'm calling the police, man.

Yeah, this guy with I'm going to call the police.

Did you hear this guy?

Yeah.

I wish you could have.

I was trying to, I ran with that.

I didn't give you time to jump in.

But I think you add the legitimacy with your young voice that you play.

Oh, yeah.

He does a very good job.

This guy here, Jim, is very excellent.

Yeah, I like Jim.

You have to keep that one.

Yay!

Hey.

All right, so what else is going on?

What you got going on?

Anything special you'd like to mention?

Mention it on the air.

You know what I want you to play?

What would you like me to play, sir?

Do you have any Sublime?

Sublime.

I think I have Santeria.

Let me check.

Could you play that?

Sublime.

You're in luck.

I have Santeria.

Yeah, I can.

I can play that in about 10 minutes from now, real time.

Cool.

Cool?

All right, so stay tuned.

All right?

All right.

All right, man.

Hey, well, thanks for calling.

You take care of yourself.

You too.

All right, man.

Peace.

Talk to you next week.

All right.

That was great.

Very good.

Milkman, what'd you think?

He's good, man.

man. I love it. Yeah, that was great. That was a great call. The guy at the end, man,

he was like, I'm calling the police. I'm calling the police. You can't get married here. Stop

with the applause, Athena. It's illegal here, man. My girlfriend, you hear her? She just

starts clapping. She won't stop. She's like a retard over there. What are you doing in

the chat room? Are you talking to the women, telling them to leave your man alone? Is that

that what you're doing? You're making sure I'm not talking to the ladies. The 11-year-old

ladies. You know I want those 11-year-old ladies. Isn't there some 11-year-old chick

in there? Hey, 11-year-old chick, thank you for listening. You should be sleeping. Shame

on you. But if you're in the West Coast, maybe not. I guess you're okay. Well, thank you

for listening, Dylan. Tell all your friends at school when you start school again. The

Bunny Ranch in Vegas. Hey, that place is famous. The Bunny Ranch in Vegas. I got their

number, 888-BUNNY-RANCH. You ever been to the Bunny Ranch? It's like the Jolly Ranch?

No, the Bunny Ranch is a legal brothel just outside of Vegas, I believe.

Oh, darn.

But I think, from what I understand, they charge you like $3,000 to even go in the place.

It's expensive.

Oh.

Yeah, but I mean, it's legalized prostitution.

I don't know how it works.

I know there's legalized prostitution in Vegas, but not in, I don't know, it's kind of weird.

I don't know how it works out.

It's weird, too.

Yeah, there's something weird.

You get that, and they're trying to legalize pot over there, too.

That would be great.

I'd definitely.

clean no i think it's what they're trying to legalize anything under uh a half ounce or

something like that i think like on your person like they can't i mean it's not legal to get

taken away but they won't prosecute it and you have to have like a larger amount of weed for

them to even bother which you know what i think that kind of makes sense i mean it kind of doesn't

let the common person get in trouble for it you know for whatever mistake or whatever you want to

call it for you know you shouldn't be hiding and driving i do it all the time but you probably

Oh, I shouldn't do it.

My God.

I'm so going to jail for this show one day, man.

This sucks.

Anyway.

So, how's the weather within the VI?

Look, it's the police.

Oh, my God.

It says Salt Lake City PD.

You're in a madhouse.

Hello?

How you doing?

You've been calling my house.

Yes, I have.

My house.

This is my house, nigga.

What's up?

Who was talking?

That Randy.

Randy Dandy.

How you doing, Randy Dandy?

I'm just doing fabulous, yourself.

Fabulous.

Wonderful.

I'm superb.

Wonderful.

Wonderball.

Anyway, so how's your life been?

I haven't talked to you in like two weeks.

Yeah, because I was in Alabama.

Alabama?

Yeah.

Don't you live in Illinois?

Yeah.

And you're in Alabama?

Why would you go to the worst, the armpit of the country, Alabama and Mississippi?

I'm not the person to ask.

Is it a family thing?

My mom wanted to go there.

Yeah, okay.

Tell me, did you go to, like, Six Flags or something?

I mean, was it family?

You can tell me.

I don't know any family.

We went to the beach.

In Alabama?

Yeah.

I see.

Well, we were, like, on the Alabama-Florida border.

Okay.

We were, like, near Pensacola.

Pensacola, Panama.

No, not that close to Panama City.

Yeah, there was a little 11-year-old bitch in the chat room.

Oh, there was?

Yeah.

Was she talking shit?

Yeah, she was a whiny little bitch.

Yeah?

But she wasn't listening, so I wanted her just to get kicked.

So I can say bad things about her.

Good, good.

Hey, have at it.

If you want to give a shout out to her, by all means, say so.

I told her when she was legal, she could fuck me.

Hey, Randy, tell me, were you listening on Saturday night when what happened happened?

Nope, I heard the recording, though.

You heard the recording?

All right.

Yeah.

Did you have any trouble finding out, like, what was going on?

No, when I got home, I heard about it.

Yeah, you heard about it?

I got, like, prank-masked, and everybody IMed me saying something happened.

And they said, check out the forums, and I checked out the forums.

And I was wondering why the stream title was P-Unit.

Yeah, I don't know.

Or Pussy Unit.

Pussy Unit, yeah.

P, it's, I don't know.

That's a really bad name.

TP, whatever it was.

Yeah, yeah, po-po-po.

I've found their forums

They're up

I posted them

I'm not going to post them again

Per request from KDK

We don't want to promote them

The people who did get it

Milkman's like nah

I've got to get this working

So you can hear Milkman when he's talking

He needs to be able to jump in on the phone calls

That's what Gizmo is for

Which is how

Milkman, you're in Gizmo right?

Yes sir

Yes, Gizmo works very nice.

It's an alternative to Skype.

Gizmo, what is it?

Gizmoproject.com, I think that's what it is.

I wish I had a phone patch.

A phone patch?

Yeah.

Yeah, it'd be a lot easier for me to do soundboards.

Yeah, it'd be, the show would sound better for sure if I had one, but I'm going to have

a co-host in studio here starting next week.

He couldn't make it this week, but I don't know what he wants to go by, so I won't mention

his name, but a good friend of mine here in town is going to be joining in here in

the studio and i suppose everything working out milkman will be on the line also this has worked

out pretty good milkman how you how you doing over there you're liking this what sweet sorry

no it's all right it's all right randy okay it's sweet all right all right milkman was talking

yeah there you go all right hey uh you want to make you got time to make a call randy or you

want to do yeah i'm yeah i'm i'm 100 ready ready um how about the alaska whaler bar

The Alaska Whaler Bar

In Anchorage, Alaska

I don't know if it's confirmed

But I'm sure they're going to be open

Real quick, I'm going to talk to Milkman here

You won't be able to hear him

Now, Milkman

Yeah

Live via satellite

In the Caribbean

Look, Milkman

Give me a time check for Alaska

What time is it over there?

We are live in the Virgin Islands

St. Croix

What time do you have in Alaska, Milkman?

Eight, seven, it's six o'clock

Alright, it's six o'clock

Don't worry about it.

It's 6.48, well that's what my clock says, and it's in my room, so it's wrong.

Yeah, I've got 6.52, whatever.

Oh yeah, okay, whatever.

It's almost 7 p.m., so this place is open for sure.

Alright, so you ready?

I'm going to ask for a beer.

You're going to ask for a beer and let them know your name, and yeah, good deal.

Yeah, and I'm going to say, I'm 14 years old, and I want a beer.

And tell them you got a wad of cash you just picked up, and then make up somehow you either

got it, and that's not right.

Yeah, I got like $200, and I'm buying one.

to get me a beer.

Mike, what's it going to take

to get me my first beer?

That's just going to do it.

All right, man.

All right, everybody.

As I once again,

I'm not ready for music,

but here we go.

All right, we're going to do this.

We'll be right back

in just a second on Madhouse.

All right.

Please hold

while we connect your call.

Okay, Alaska,

Whaler Bar,

and Anchorage.

Okay.

Hello, Burn Grill.

grill hello is this the weather bar weather bar and grill yes it is yes i was wondering could i

get a beer there could i order a beer i'm real i'm real i really want a beer you really want a

beer yeah i think it's for you i i got like this big craving for alcohol right now you do yeah

the problem is nobody else will let me get one no way no way you're kidding i kept offering them

money and more money and they still won't get me a beer oh i don't know hold on leroy speaking

how may i help you hello is this a layler boss yes this is i was wondering could i get a beer

i want a big giant um 14 years old and i really want a beer well i'm sorry if you're 14 years old

uh i thought i thought in alaska the legal age was different you guys are like in canada

the legal age is even in canada it's 18 but in alaska it's 21 oh heck if you flip over the

The numbers, I'm 41, so what's it matter?

It matters.

I got like a big, huge wad of cash, man.

So?

Man, you guys, I can give you like $30,000.

So? Doesn't matter.

What do you mean it doesn't matter?

I love my job too much.

Maybe just a can?

Nope.

Hey, I can put you, I can put, give you your retirement money, man.

Nope.

What do you mean no?

Wouldn't happen.

If you're not 21, I'm not giving you, it doesn't matter.

Well, what if we were like in the Netherlands?

Well, you're not. You're in Alaska.

I'm not in Alaska. I'm in Canada.

Well, then ask somebody in Canada to give you a beer.

Well, nobody gives me a beer since I'm 14.

Sorry for you.

Well, why not? I'm not going to get drunk. Nobody's going to know.

I'm going to know.

Well, you're going to know, but who cares about you?

I do. That's why I say no.

Then give me somebody else. Maybe somebody else will give me one.

Sorry. Won't happen. Not in this bar.

Not this bar? Then what bar will?

I don't know.

What do you mean, you don't know?

In Alaska, it wouldn't happen.

In Alaska, it won't happen.

Nope.

Why not?

Because that's Alaska law.

It's Alaska law.

Well, what about the New York law?

What about the California law?

I don't know that law.

You don't know that law?

I know that law, and I'm going to be a lawyer someday.

I'm going to change the legal age.

I'm going to bring it to court.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

You do that.

So how old are you, sir?

Are you 14, too?

Nope.

Well, how old are you?

29.

29?

Well, I'm going to move the age.

Let's see.

I'll be 18.

I think it takes 25 years old to be a representative.

That's like a lot of years.

But I'll change it to one year higher than you're older when I'm a representative.

Good for you.

Yep, and I'll change it higher.

You'd still be too young to drink.

What?

You'd still be too young to drink.

It doesn't matter anymore.

You hurt my feelings.

Let's die for it.

I'm hurt.

Okay.

Why would you do this to me?

I'm not talking to you anymore.

You're a mean man.

Sorry for that.

You're an angry little bastard.

Okay.

Okay, is that all you can say?

That's right.

You're making me real upset.

Huh?

You don't want to make me angry.

It doesn't really matter.

What do you mean it don't matter?

You know, at this point...

Don't stutter.

Sorry, sir, but this is a business phone and I have to get off of it.

What do you mean you have to get off of it?

I mean, I need business calls.

Business calls.

So I have to have you hang up.

Stop stuttering.

I have to have you hang up.

You have a good day and you come see me?

You have to have me hang up, no.

Goodbye.

bye. No. Don't tell me no. You bastard. You bastard. I'm hanging up the phone now. Yeah,

yeah, you have yet to do that, you stuttering bastard. Fucking in, Brad. Hello. Nice. Dude,

you put it on. That was great. Milkman, what'd you think? Damn, man, Brad. That was good

stuff, man. Randy, you always come through. Yeah. Yeah, you've come through. For all the

shit people sometimes talk, you've had a lot of, your last call was really good, I

I remember you had a call.

I forgot it now.

I haven't recorded it.

I was listening to it the other night.

I was like, man, that was a good call.

Tonight was pretty good, too, man.

I like what you're doing, man.

So you're always welcome to call.

You're a friend of the manhouse, my good sir.

That's great.

I think I'm going to do some more later tonight.

I'm not out of energy quite yet.

Oh, yeah?

Good deal.

Did you hear we hacked stupid.com's voicemail?

Stupid.com's voicemail?

Yeah.

Yeah, Craig Massa did, right?

Yeah, I saw him mention that, but I was like,

like it was like three hours after the fact like i was going through reading like stuff that had

been said in the chat room and he said he had just hacked it what did what came out of that do you

know anything we got like a person's credit card number well we didn't like write it down but

we got it and we got a bunch of other information it's pretty funny we were about to change our

outgoing message but i think his card died oh right there oh man that sucks it would have been

It was so good.

Next time.

Yeah, like I said, Long Dong had a close, had a near hit last night.

Yeah, we also hacked that one.

Oh, you've hacked that one too, huh?

Yeah, we hacked it last night.

That's cool.

I changed that outgoing message because his calling card died in the middle of us putting the message on there.

Oh, wow.

So it's all good, I think.

Oh, yeah, I hooked you up with two of them, right?

But they were, like, almost dead.

Was that you?

Yeah, they were, like, five minutes and one minute.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

That's okay.

That's all I had left.

Like, the one I got, I got this one just today, so.

I don't live in town, so I can't really get a calling card.

Yeah, that sucks, dude.

That easily.

All right, man.

Well, hey, I'm going to head out and take a break here.

Well, thanks for calling.

Like I said, I'm calling this week.

I love your show.

You're doing good.

All right.

I'll be in school next week, so that probably won't happen.

Oh, really?

Well, I started at 9, 9-9-15.

If you need me to just give a call, we can do a quick call.

Well, tonight I went up right out of the gate.

Just take a nap first before you come on.

Oh, okay.

Well, I guess there'll be eight here, so.

Milkman says to take a nap before you do it, though.

Just so you know.

Yeah, I sound real quiet, but I'll get some energy.

Yeah, it's all right.

Yeah, drink a Red Bull, man.

You can just get a Red Bull, too.

Oh, that Red Bull's nasty.

I like balls.

Yeah, balls.

I can't have balls.

It has too much sugar, but I see it all the time.

I've heard about it.

I heard that.

Jolt.

Jolt Cola.

Yeah, Jolt is all right, but I drink Buku.

They sell a 7-Eleven.

and that's like liquid coke, man.

That's just...

I think Jolt and Balls and anything high caffeine is illegal in my state.

It's illegal in your state, high caffeine?

Yeah.

No way.

I think it's illegal in Illinois.

In Illinois?

You're kidding.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

Like, you never see it around here,

and once you get into St. Louis, you see it.

My second show that I did, I was overdosing on caffeine by the end of it.

Like, I got a huge headache, and I was trying to stay awake.

I had like zero sleep

The night before

I was like running on fumes

And I

I drank like two energy drinks

And I had one in the morning

And I just started like

It got really bad

It felt like I was like drunk

Like it felt like

The effects of being sick

From being drunk

But I wasn't drunk

So it was really

Really fucking scary

I don't know

It's a long story

I think I've gotten that before

Yeah

Oh yeah

Yeah

You gotta watch out with that man

I used to take

I used to feel real sick

Not that I'm encouraging you

To do this

But at your age

How old are you

Are you um

You're 16

How old are you

I'm 41 years old

According to the chat room

You're not 41 years old.

Yeah, I'm 41 according to the chat room.

Whatever.

When I was 14, 15, I used to take no-dos, like caffeine pills.

I'd take like four or five of them at once with a cherry Coke,

and it would fuck me up.

But I felt sick.

I was drained for the rest of the day.

But I used to buy it at a gas station.

Just the guys are like, whatever, it's legal.

It's behind the counter or whatever.

I was like, anyway, long story short,

that's the way I got high cheaply when I was in high school.

don't do it

because it's bad for you

it's probably why

I got problems now

alright man

I've dragged this out

long enough

I apologize for

taking your time

thank you for calling

no problem

later man

alright later

have a good night

peace

alright Milkman

what did you think

about that call

seriously

that was pretty good

right

that was good man

he really had a good

improvisation at the end

too

he had a good comeback

yeah good deal

good deal

alright well

I think it's time for break

this is break number two

my second attempt

of my second break

because unfortunately

the last time my mom

called me

break it down

Yeah, break it down.

Yeah, break it all down.

All right, well, let me set this up here real quick.

And let me give out the toll-free number is 888-278-8509.

Once again, that number is 888-278-8509.

KDK Prank Calls.

And click on the chat room icon to join the chat using Java.

Absolutely free.

Again, you go to kdkprankcalls.com.

The chat icon or the chat link on the top of the page, click that.

You can join us in chat.

We have a pretty good number of people in there having a good old time.

Also, you can use IRC.

Milkman, you want to spit that out real quick?

The IRC is irc.lazy-net.te.

B-E-I-R-C dot lazy dash net dot B-E-N-R-O-O-O-T-S-P-C-U, man.

Come on and get in on the fun.

And the show website is madhouselive.com.

Again, that's madhouselive.com.

Please visit that.

Normally, it also has the links to the chat, but I took it out after last weekend's incidents,

and I did not have a chance to fix that before tonight's show.

But the whole detail of what happened is there.

Yeah, well, if you haven't seen what's been going on, there's a detail.

You've got chat transcripts there, and you have a whole breakdown of what occurred as it occurred

leading up until Monday night when everything is as resolved as it is now.

You got another call?

Yeah.

All right.

Well, I've got to take this call.

I think this is Zolar.

Hang on a little bit.

Who's on the madhouses?

What did you say?

Hello there.

This is the madhouses.

I'm not understanding you.

Do you speak Ebonics?

Ewok?

What's up, man?

How you doing?

who did you know who this is you know you know who this am who am i what's up zola how you doing

man no i'm all right fucking um what the hell was i gonna say i just got fucking through getting

yelled at by frank last his father oh no why that guy's burning with me for fucking collecting his

son and his son fucking can't hear i put truck in the morning because he still lives he's 19 though

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even if he's only 18, you're 18, you can get drafted and go to war. I don't know, I mean, that's in America. You're in Canada, right?

Me? Canada? Fuck!

No, it's just Katie Kay's in Canada.

Oh, Katie, no, Katie Kay's in Connecticut.

Oh, fuck, I'm, oh, fucking harsh, man.

This is long, son.

You smoking pot over there?

Oh, hell yeah, man. I'm on it 24-7, man.

Yeah, it's a wake and bake all day long, right?

Yeah, I need to stop that.

I didn't today.

Today I said, you know what, not until showtime, and that's what I did.

I need to get here.

Yeah, so his father, Frank Moses' father, told me to be more responsible with my son.

And I'm like, sir, when he's in my house, I'm very responsible.

I don't offer him alcohol.

I don't give him any marijuana.

The kid leaves here straight.

I can't imagine, you know, you'd like me to go up to him and say, you know what,

you're just too straight.

I'm going to have to take the keys to your car.

Exactly, yeah.

Yeah, I'm going to be responsible.

He's a fucking crazy guy, man.

So I don't know if Tank Nance is going to show up for the show tomorrow,

but 10 p.m. I might go on with or without him.

Yeah, well, hopefully he can show up.

You know, he's 19, and he's growing.

Not growing pains, but, you know, oh, damn, my parents were crazy.

I moved out right at 18.

I forced myself out.

I killed my parents when I was 18.

Now, Athena, you had that deal already, right, Athena?

My girlfriend over here.

I just cut their throats and let them bleed out.

That was the end of my parents.

You had breaking pains, right, with your parents?

Anyway, can Milkman hear us, folks?

Milkman cannot hear you, unfortunately.

I don't have that set up.

I can hear him.

Oh, you can hear, yeah.

Milkman can hear you, but you can't hear him.

Actually, let me try something real quick.

Look at me getting spammed, man.

What the fuck?

Milkman, try to say something.

Yeah, man.

What's up?

Got that crazy Zola freak?

I know you're out there, you crazy freak, you.

This is hard to do, though.

It's breaking my neck.

I got to stop it.

All right.

Yeah, we're going to fix this up later, man.

in the microphone

or something?

Hang on, Milkman.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm just saying

I have a collapsible

studio headset

so I can take it off

and I can put

my right...

I don't know.

I can make it

so you can hear it.

It's pretty much

like I'm putting

my head on something.

If I put my

right testicle

near your earlobe...

And I bite some

aluminum foil.

You gotta move that out, dude,

because I got this

really funny

motherfucker

who lives in England

and I want to let him

co-host the show with me you know every now and again because he's a fucking riot and i want to

introduce him to everybody over here so they could uh check him out too so you know in order to make

that happen we gotta do prank phone calls together to hear his skills because this guy dude you need

to get um gizmo you got to go to gizmo project like gizmo like in uh that fucking movie with

the fucking gremlins gizmo gremlin yeah well gizmo project.com and this program you can talk to

anybody in the world who has the software to on their computer for free and you can hear how good

that it's coming through.

Milkman has been...

It cuts in sometimes, but...

Actually, Milkman needs to back up from the mic

and enunciate a little bit, you know?

I mean, if he's going to broadcast or webcast, as it is,

you know, because he kind of sounds like a dog fed

in the background over the air.

Really?

Milkman.

Yeah.

Hang on, let me tell Milkman.

Oh, you can hear that, Milkman.

Never mind.

Whatever.

You have a response to that, Milkman.

It's not an insult to him,

but what I'm saying is if he steps back from the mic

I can actually enunciate a little bit.

You know, he comes through more clearly.

As it sounds now, it's almost like, you know, it's real monotone and real dead.

Yeah.

Oh, well, it's something to work with.

We're still playing around with it.

But for the most part, you can hear him at least.

I mean, it's working out great.

And it's free.

I mean, he's in the freaking Caribbean, and he's talking to me, so it's all good.

Yeah, that's actually...

Oh, he's in the Caribbean?

Maybe him and I can become friends,

and when I get up enough money to fly down to the Caribbean, I'll stay with him.

Word up.

All right.

Well, hey, you've got to make it happen.

There you go.

As long as you don't make me do moral sex,

because I'm not really into that.

All right, well, he...

I've heard stories about him,

and let's not talk about it.

Anyway, all right.

Has he had his finger in the ass of a friend?

Has he what now?

Has he had his finger in the ass of a friend?

Have you had your finger...

He's just laughing.

Hey, Sanchez.

All right, listen.

So anyway, what do you got?

Your girlfriend in the house with you tonight?

Yeah, yeah, she's here.

She's on the laptop.

She's monitoring me.

She's got me.

Yeah, see if you can call somebody and convince you

that your girlfriend is looking for new ways to explore sexuality

and, you know, in order to do it in front of an audience,

and she'd like to actually, like, you know, have sex on the phone with you while somebody listens

just to kind of ease her into having somebody else in the room

and then kind of, you know, get into it and see what somebody will let you do.

Yeah, you know, I might run with it.

Actually, that's a good idea.

I've got to figure out who I should call.

Hmm, marriage, I don't know, something like that.

That works.

I don't know.

Athena, would you be into, like, doing a phone call one night?

Yeah, see, she's all for it.

She's pretty cool.

She'd probably do it.

I don't know how else.

She can't.

She's always laughing back here just listening to me.

She can't hear what's going on on the rest of the show on the phone

and she'll just crack up

with my voices

and so she makes me

crack up half the time.

Yeah, that's cool.

You have a little

somebody to bounce it up

and get some feedback

and stuff while you're

doing things.

Exactly.

It works.

That's going to suck

if Prankmaster's

in the round now, man.

Hopefully that works

out with him.

Well, you know,

Mr. Guy, you know,

I like having him here.

I was hoping that

he was going to get

better with the audio

and stuff.

I mean, you know,

I gave him plenty

of opportunity

to enjoy himself

as well as get bashed on.

It's like he was just

constantly getting

bashed over and over.

you know, for their fucking audio engineer.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, that's very loyal of you.

He deserves it.

His father found it pissed off because he cooked the meal over here,

and I was like, well, what are you talking about?

I was, you know, explaining his culinary skills, you know,

and letting everybody know that, you know, his meal was good.

If it was no good, I would have said it was no good,

and of course that would have been detrimental to his plight.

It wasn't.

It was enjoyable and all that stuff.

You know, his father was, like, really upset with his son.

If anything, you were complimenting him.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, and then I got fed up with his father being arrogant, and I fell him off a little bit.

Well, you got to, man.

You got to hopefully, I don't know, you know, you got to go through these things when you're that age.

Maybe it's just going to be a catalyst for him to grow some sack and, you know, move out on his own or something like that.

I took the M&M line on him.

I said, listen, apparently you're not being a pastor.

You can't handle your son.

Very good.

Who knows if M&M could be so ironically good in that form.

All right, so you're on tomorrow night at 9.

You're on at 9 or 10?

Well, I'll be on at 10 p.m., 10 until I get sick of talking, which is next to never.

So I could be on until like 4 o'clock in the morning at some point.

But again, I will have the feminine nature sitting on the couch,

probably exposing the breasts and things of this nature, because that's what guys like.

Exactly.

Yeah, it's Friday night.

Fuck it, man, right?

Yeah, baby.

Breast assist.

So I'll be letting some of that happen here.

I mean, I'm just going to have a regular girl over, not a prostitute.

I mean, I have girlfriends as well, but I just wanted to, you know,

somebody over here who would let Twinkmasters diddle.

Yeah, great.

You have to put Donkey Kong to get diddled.

You have a fucking donkey show right there in your apartment.

I would agree.

Look, man, yeah, fucking last week, man, you went up.

What time did you go into last week?

I stopped listening around 2.30.

I couldn't stay up anymore.

What was his time?

Yeah, we were waiting on the girl, waiting on the girl,

and I think about, like, 3.30 she showed up for, I know,

until, like, 3.00 or so, I guess.

Who would have known mom would stay up that late, huh?

Yeah, I mean, man, I'm sorry that it didn't happen earlier, but, you know, these fucking chicks are undependable.

Exactly.

Well, no, you don't get what you paid for, you know.

I don't think you...

You got it?

That's what we didn't see.

You didn't even see.

I had a horrendous bitch come in with a prank mask that thinks they're beautiful, you know what I mean?

Exactly.

That's the whole joke.

That's part of the whole prank phone call thing, you know what I mean?

You have a prank going on right here in the house.

You have prank phone calls going on in the background.

It's a menagerie of pranks.

Exactly.

all your senses

are being bombarded

by pranks

I appreciate you

letting me on the air

man

enjoy the rest of your show

I've been listening

it's a great show

how do you go out

and get on

and do some pranks

because I don't know

for some reason

it just makes it

more legitimate

when I hear a female voice

that I'm listening to you

for fucking three hours

or more

technically I think

she's the only female voice

on PCU

that I know of

right

I don't think

there's anybody else

no

unless one of your hosts

is on there

for some reason

but yeah

that's craziness

yeah well yeah

definitely

she'll be getting

involved I'm sure

He goes on with one of your hoes.

Don't talk about Andrea like that, dude.

Oh, that's right, Andrea.

I forgot.

I'm sorry.

Poor Andrea.

I'm so sorry.

Her and that squeaky voice.

God bless her heart, man.

Don't make fun of me.

Yeah, she's okay.

I, you know,

I head up with her every morning

and make sure that she's for the day.

All right, man.

Well, hey, you have a good night.

Everybody listen tomorrow at 10 o'clock, right?

10 p.m. until who knows when.

Who knows when.

All right, that was very good.

All right, you have a good night, Zola.

Take care.

Talk to you later, brother.

Man house, motherfucking man house in Toledo.

Man house, man house.

Right on, man.

See you, Zolar.

Peace out.

Hey, I'll try to give you a call, too, on your show if I get a chance tomorrow night, all right?

All right, just hang up on me, Zolar.

All right.

So, everybody, that was Zolar, host of the Zolar Vision show here on PC Radio.

Zolar.

Yeah, that's right, the controversial Zolar.

The big Apple madman.

Yeah, the controversial Zolar vision, which you should not miss,

because that's where it all goes down, apparently, on this station.

Keep your eyes and ears full.

God damn it.

Anyway, so thank you, Zolar, for calling.

That is always a pleasure.

And, yeah, Katie Casey, he's going to, I think, what he said, sometime in September,

late September, he's going to make an appearance with Kevin, right?

Is it Kevin?

Keith.

That's his man's name, right, Keith?

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess they're supposed to get something together.

Yeah, they're going to be, they're going to be, that's going to be pretty, that'll be a good show.

I'm going to have to make sure I stream rep that, give a copy of that.

Yeah, those guys are hilarious anyway, you know, and he'll get in there and he'll do anything.

Oh, yeah, man, KDK, Prankmaster, and Zolar are all in one tent, that'd be awesome.

Can you imagine a conference gizmo with a whole bunch of us?

I don't know, yeah, exactly, that would be something, man, like the Ultimate Prank Hall, just like...

I'd be freaked out.

PCU All-Stars, you know what I mean?

That'd be great.

Anyway, so, man, we've gone.

I was supposed to take a break, like, what, like 20, 30 minutes ago?

And I'm just like...

We never got to it because we got a call.

Yeah, exactly.

Well, hey, it was great.

All right, everybody, I'm going to take a break.

Again, the website for the show is Madhouse Live.

You're listening to the Madhouse on PC Radio.

As always, feel free to join in chat.

What's up, everybody?

Back on the Madhouse.

It is now 11.27 p.m.

And my co-host is reminding me, hey now, we're not making any calls.

It's time to make some more calls.

Right?

Right on.

So, going back to the chat room, my friend Des Lonesome Lose.

Man, I always fuck up his name.

It's so disrespectful.

Des Lonesome Lose.

I think that's how you pronounce it.

He's got me a bunch of stuff here.

Oh, you never get caught, dude.

Yeah.

I got Heartbreakers Nightclub in Houston, Texas.

Phones in the girls' dressing room.

Ooh.

And the girl's dressing room.

Okay.

All right.

And a girl answered a second one.

That may be the one I've heard on the rotation calls.

Oh, really?

Okay.

I'll be calling that soon.

Juanita Hick.

Old lady answered 11.05 in Iowa.

That was in the South for sure.

Alfonso Crook in St. Petersburg.

A woman answered at 11 p.m.

Bless me.

What do you think?

Alfonso Crook?

James Conman?

Sounds good, man.

There's James Conman and M.I.

M.I. is what? Michigan or Mississippi?

Mississippi.

M.I. is Michigan.

M.S. is Mississippi, right?

Yes.

Yeah, Mississippi, I think.

M.O.'s Missouri.

M.N.'s Montana.

Missouri.

All right.

Let me give a call here to, damn it, me the heck.

I'm going to call Anita Heck first.

Coming at you right out of the gate with some more prank calls here

because I've been flagging.

I had some guests.

We had some really good third-party prank calls.

And I had an interview there with Zolar on a weekly basis,

a good friend of the Madhouse, good peoples.

And I'm going to go ahead and get it on.

God, man, I'm just like fucking all with the sexual innuendos tonight, aren't I?

I'm going to get some more calls on the way.

Just hang on there, people.

Be right back on the Madhouse.

Welcome to Sprint.

You have 20 minutes available for this call.

Enter the area code and phone number you wish to call.

Hello?

Ma'am, how are you?

This is Walter, and I'm calling you from the VFW.

I'd like you to know we're having a pancake sauce show tonight in about 30 minutes,

and you're here on our news list for former veterans,

and we'd like to know if you'd like to come down and participate.

Sorry, you have the wrong number.

Do you know how to use the grill, Ms. Hick?

Ms. Hick, do you cook much?

What is your favorite food to cook?

Uh, Ms. Hick, please.

No.

Ugh.

I like calling people bitches when I hang up on them.

She hung up on me.

Milkman, are you paying attention?

Yeah.

What the heck is the deal?

I don't know.

She's a bitch.

Old crabby.

Why old people?

Old people just, they're, for the most part, they're just angry at young people, right?

You know what I mean?

I think so.

You know how there's old people out there who just hate everybody, you know what I mean?

Like, there's some nice old people, but for the most part, new old people, like, old people

who are alive now, like, the current generation of old people, like, in the 70s and plus,

they hate everybody, man.

They just hate, they hate everybody who's young.

I don't know why.

I think it's because they think that we're fucking up and everything.

I don't know.

But old people need to go.

They're just cranky anyway at this time of night.

They're like, oh, I'm going to sleep.

Wah.

Yeah, exactly right.

It's true.

Whatever.

I don't even know where she was.

Where was she again?

I don't know.

Iowa.

It was MI, Michigan.

No, no, no, this is, uh, Hick was in Iowa.

We're going, I'm gonna, okay, alright, anyway, let's call Alfonso G. Crook before we get to any later.

It's 11.32 where he is, which is Eastern Time, and St. Pete, here in Floridia.

Uh, Alfonso G. Crook.

Floridia.

Florida.

Alright, let me get the, uh, the crook on the line.

Just one moment, I'll be back with you on the madhouse.

Connect your call.

Your plans.

Hello?

Hello there, old man.

How you doing there, old man?

Good, how you doing?

Alright, old man.

Why don't you tell me how old you are, old man?

You got those dentures over there?

Can you eat corn?

What's going on, old man?

Who is this?

This is Death.

Knocking at your door.

Death knocking at your door, son.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Cold Six Mafia, son.

What up, dawg?

Really?

What's up, old man?

Where you at?

Shit.

Where you think I'm at?

I'm up here down the yard, son.

Down the yard, son.

What yard?

The yard, man.

The Scotland Yard.

You know what I'm saying?

Scotland Yard?

Yeah, man.

Old man.

It's time for you to get expired, man.

You're getting too old.

You got that cancer.

You know who you're talking to?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm talking to the mayor.

What's up, mayor?

I voted for you, son.

What's my name?

Ah, man.

What's the matter, son?

What's my name?

Walter Weevil, baby.

Who are you?

I told you already, man.

This is Loke Dog.

Loke Dog.

You have two minutes left.

Loke Dog said you got two minutes left, Loke Dog says.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, you got two minutes left.

I'm going to hang up on you.

You're boring me, son.

Come on, Weevil.

Who are you?

Come on, Weevil.

50 bucks, Weevil.

You know my first name.

Who are you?

you. Yeah, I told you already. Loke Dog, son. Loke Dog. Loke Dog. Cleavis Marvin. My Christian

name is Cleavis Marvin. Really? Yeah, son. So what's up? You got beef? I got beef? Yeah,

you got beef, man. You got beef, old man? I don't know. Do you? You got a nice TV? You

got my TV? You got a nice TV? I don't know. Do I? You tell me. Let me know if I gotta

come down and check out your TV, son. You come on out here and check out my TV, son.

You like to watch basketball on your TV? You like basketball? Come on over here. Oh,

Oh, yeah, you'd like to watch? You want to watch some basketball?

Come on over.

You want to watch some basketball, huh?

Yeah, because I'm a black man.

You think I'm going to watch basketball, huh?

You have one minute left.

Maybe I want to watch golf.

Ha-ha, motherfucker.

Come on over.

Let's watch some golf, son.

Let's watch some hockey.

You play hockey?

Come on over.

You play hockey, boy?

You coming over?

Yeah, I'm coming over, baby.

Come on over.

I'm waiting.

You're going to be lubed up.

You go ahead and call me back when you're on your way over.

Bye.

Lubed up, baby.

Come on over.

Yeah, he sounded like he was getting all loosed.

Yeah, I know.

His last name is Weevil.

Poor dog.

I couldn't remember what number I called.

I had to remember.

I was like, oh, shit, which one?

Walter Weevil.

You were making him hot.

Yeah, I think he was.

I think he was like, ooh, a black man just called me.

I'm so lucky.

I love black men.

Dang it.

That's stupid.

Anyway, let's try to call Foster.

I will spit some at the heart.

Yeah, I can't believe I had a card on there with only three minutes.

That's why I called him out of the blue.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, but it worked out.

Man, I am waiting for my Arab connection, man, to bring the camel train in.

The mother load of phone calls.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, an Arab connection?

What the hell?

Arab connection?

Yeah, they deal, they deal.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah?

Is that where you get it from, the Arabs?

Yeah, man.

And they're, uh, 4,800.

Good.

Anyway, let's go ahead and do this.

Everybody, next call coming up.

Alfonso?

Yes.

What's up, Alfonso?

What's up, man?

Yo, man, you looking to get in this racket, son?

I'm selling a bunch of hot DVD players, Burt CDs, bootleg movies, you know what I'm saying?

I'm looking for some straight-up crooks out there who want to sell with me, you know what I'm saying?

Yo, you see Alfonso Crook?

Yes, it is.

Man, your middle name G is that for gangster?

No, not hardly.

Word, come on, dog.

Are you Alfonso the G Crook?

Well, who are you?

That's a badass name, yo.

And who am I speaking to?

My name is Cleotas.

Cleotas Easley.

Okay, what can I do for you?

Well, look, I'm coming up in the rap game, right?

And I've been looking up in the internets, looking up for those gangsta-ass names for my rap persona I just signed with Aftermath Records, you know what I'm saying?

And I'm about to hit it big, and I saw Alfonso G. Crook, and I was like, I need that name, I need that name.

So I want to make it happen, you know what I'm saying?

So can I get your name?

I need your permission on these papers.

No, I don't think so.

But, no, you can keep your name and all, but you just got to sign this all notarized and shit so it's all legit and legal.

And then I'll cut you a check, $1,000 every week until you turn 60.

No, I wouldn't be interested.

Can I use your name, your name Alfonso Crooks?

No, you cannot.

Sir, do you ever get any trouble passing a check with the last name Crooks?

Yes, I do.

You do?

You do, word.

Do you have to show ID?

I'm G. Crooks.

I sure do.

Yeah

What else

What about when a cop

Pulls you over

Does he always search your car

Always

Yeah

Now you know what it's like

To be a black man like me

My girl always don't get searched

And they always be fine and shit

But I got so much money

I just pay them off

You know what I'm saying

Yeah

Well I would be interested

You have a good night

Alright dog

Peace

That's actually the worst

Black voice I think

I could have done

That's the worst

Fucking black voice

I could have fucking done

Oh it was good though

You can hardly hold it together

It was really fun

Yeah

I look at the thing

and it's just cracking up.

That was good.

Let me go back into the chat room

and see what...

Let's see what Peeps

has. Mr. Peeps.

The Erotic Cafe in New Jersey.

Woman answered 1114. The Erotic

Cafe. I think I found

a pubic hair in my coffee. What do you think?

I think that's

exactly what I'm going to say. I found a pubic

hair in my coffee in the Erotic Cafe.

The hell is up with that? Hang on.

All right, everybody, I'll be right back with you.

How are you doing, man?

Good.

Look, I weigh about 450 pounds.

I'm really hungry, but I never get no pussy.

I can't hear you.

Say that again.

I weigh about 450 pounds.

Do you have room, do you have a booth for a homie?

I don't like sitting in the chairs.

I like a booth.

We don't have booths.

We just have sofas.

Oh, you have sofas?

Even better.

Do you have a sofa that'll hold me?

I sure do.

Now, can I get coffee there?

Yes, you can.

And it's the right coffee?

I'm still hungry.

What kind of food do you have there?

Wait on it.

It's closed.

What?

Kitchen's closed.

What else you got there?

Nothing.

Are you discriminating me because I'm 450 pounds?

Yeah, whatever, dude.

Get a life and get something else to do, all right?

I'm hungry, man.

Come on, pick me some French fries.

Come on, man.

Don't you have anything to throw at the end of the day?

I heard potato chips crackling.

I'm just sitting there crunching.

alright

hang on

do you know

how disgusting

that is

that's one of my

biggest pet peeves

is people

calling me at work

while they're eating

oh god

I get so pissed off

you can hear the food

smashing around

no I know

I was like

exactly

alright

what else is going on

let me see what else

I can call

Shemaine Booty

in Washington

Deanna

Prank

Nancy Prank

did I call

I never called

Pansy did I

no

that was at 940

that was like

two hours ago

go. They could still pick up. Where's it at? In, uh, Pansy's in Webster City, Iowa. I can

barely hear you, dude. Yeah, that'd be about like 944. 948 still be up. All right, let's

give him a try. 948 still be up. Yeah, let me, let me try, uh, this is the guy I was

going to call first at the beginning of the show, and I never got to. All right, Norman

Pansy, uh, coming up. Old man who answered like two hours ago. Let's see if this guy

hasn't gone to sleep. You know these old people. He had dinner like, what, like at

at 5 o'clock or something like that.

I'm going to sell my house.

I'm not going to get up early.

Yeah, exactly.

Anyway, I'll be right back with you in the madhouse.

How are you doing?

I need to speak with Manuel now.

Oh, well, Manuel doesn't live here.

Hey, I'm hungry.

Oh, sorry.

Now, talk to me.

Is this who this is?

This is Mary Dominguez.

We're apartment managers.

Who is this?

Miss Dominguez, I need to talk to you.

I need an apartment.

You need an apartment?

Yes.

Yes. Now, I weigh about 700 pounds.

Do you have doors that are wide enough?

And it needs to be a bottom floor, and I need a very large tub.

And you need to provide it because you're an equal opportunity lender and an equal opportunity employer.

I also want to apply for a job, and you need to hire me.

If you don't hire me, then it's because I'm a fat man.

And what is your name?

My name is Carlito, Carlito Brigante.

Carlito?

Brigante.

No, no, no. B?

Wait a minute.

Let me get a pencil and paper.

Hurry up.

Did you call to talk to Manuel?

Yes, I did.

But someone told me that Manuel is at the other property to try here.

Asked for him, if not, just to speak to...

I didn't write the number down.

I was really hungry at the time.

Do you have a pen yet?

I have a pen.

Now I'm looking for paper.

Okay.

What is your name again?

I just want some pancakes tonight.

God.

My name is Carlito.

Last name is Brigante.

Would you like me to spell it for you, ma'am?

Okay.

Spell it for me, please.

B as in breast.

R as in romance

N as in existence

G as in gay

A as in anus

Come on, I'm going to hang up on you. Bye.

That's so nasty.

A as in anus.

Come on.

Oh, come on. Now you're joking.

Not when you say I have to hire you no matter what.

I can't believe she's hanging up right there.

Not when you're calling me asking for job opportunities and you're telling me to hurry up.

She didn't realize it was a joke.

I need a part with a reinforced floor.

Yeah, I thought I was saying that, too.

Bottom floor, please.

And then I say, if you don't give me a job, oh, my God.

Anyway.

And I'll need an elevator with that, too.

All right.

I need a handicap ramp.

I need a handicap bathroom.

And next door is tough.

Jesus.

I need you to knock down the wall between two bottom floor apartments to make one big one for me.

And if you don't do it

It's trouble for you

I'm going to report you

I'm going to report you to the equals

Alright

That was good prank master

People's rights coalition

That was good prank master

Thank you for coming through with that number

That was actually pretty interesting

That was not Manuel Carlito

That was still pretty funny

I should have just done the whole thing where I need to apply

Hey what was that place that I called earlier today

Where the guy was like is that the new guy calling

I called some bar

Where was the bar

Where was the bar that Randy called?

Ask it for beer.

I'm trying to remember.

Oh, it was in Alaska.

Alaska, that's right.

I'm going to call him back and tell him that I'm the new guy.

Hopefully he's not there yet.

Tell him you got some fuzz on your chest, if that counts.

Yeah.

No, no, I'm going to tell him I'm the new guy.

I'm going to tell him, look, you know, I don't know.

I'm going to tell him I'm actually still 150 pounds.

I don't know.

He probably knows who the new guy is, though.

I don't know.

I'm trying to get him.

The new guy's probably there already.

All right, anyway, let me try to get this guy a call at the Alaska Whaler Bar.

Just one moment, everybody.

buddy. Be back with you. Okay, see ya. Is there a limit on biscuits? Hello? Is there

a limit on biscuits? She remembers me from last week is what happened. I gave her this

shit about finding all that crap from, she remembers me. She's like, it's that guy again.

Damn. A damn biscuit eater. Hey, I remember, I got black strip clubs in here. I definitely

need to call them now. I call a black strip club as a fat man. I don't know why I'm on

a fat cake because it's like i'm not anyway we're right back people yeah how you doing

hey how you doing it's just it's just a hello hello man hey how you doing

i'm pretty good look uh do you have enough capacity for myself do you have do you have

i'm sorry i'm eating do you have capacity for me can you speak up yes sir uh yes sir

Sure. Look, I weigh about 620 pounds, and I'm going to die next week because of my health.

I have a heart disease, and the last thing I want to do is see some ladies.

Is it possible for me to come in?

No, you can come in tonight if you like.

I weigh about 620 pounds.

You weigh about 620 pounds.

Yes, I'm very big. I'm a size 60, 68 pounds,

And I need to bring in my stretchers and bring me in a wheelchair and my IVs and my breathing machines.

And this is my last wish before I die. I have heart disease.

They can't operate through the layers and layers of fat.

Okay.

Do you serve food there?

Yes, sir. We do serve food.

What kind of food do you serve?

Hot wings, hamburgers, and chicken wings.

Oh, hot wings?

Are they good?

Yeah, we have the best hot wings in Atlanta.

Oh, Jesus, really?

Yes.

I eat them bone and all, you know.

I snap through the bones like a shark and eat them just in one bite.

I eat a hot wing.

I don't even chew for more than twice.

Okay, well, sir, you know where we're located.

You can come and I'll serve you all night.

Well, you'll serve me all night, huh?

I'll be your waitress for you.

I don't smell very good, you know.

I have open sores between my legs where they rub together when I used to be able to walk.

It's fine.

We have no problem with that, sir.

Just come in.

Whatever problem you have, we can deal with it.

And then my nurse is going to come with me.

My nurse and my lawyer has to come because if I die, he needs to be there to sign the papers.

Okay.

I'm so hungry.

How many wings can I get?

You can get up to 50 wings.

Oh, can I?

Or 100.

Don't want that.

You can get as many wings as you like, you know.

Yeah.

Do you have pretty women there?

All our women are pretty.

I'm a waitress, and I'm beautiful, too.

Yeah?

Are you black?

Yes, I am.

That's beautiful.

You don't mind that I'm white, do you?

No, I don't mind.

I don't like black people very much.

But I'll come around now that I know I'm probably going to go to hell for the sins I've committed.

Well, sir, while you're here, you should have the best time you can.

Yeah.

Are you coming up here tonight?

Yeah, you know, will you feed me wings?

I will feed you wings, if that's what you would like.

Can I lick tartar sauce off your body?

No, we don't lick tartar sauce off bodies.

Do you have any blue cheese or the wings?

You know black people don't eat tartar sauce, sucker.

The fuck is tartar sauce, nigga?

What's this damn Lindbergh cheese shit?

Oh, she was so concerned for my flight.

Yeah.

She's like, oh, I'll feed him to you.

Oh, yeah, I'll do whatever you want.

I don't mind the bag rot smelly.

That was great.

Oh, Jesus, my God.

All right, what else is going on here?

It's 12.07.

I'm about ready to take another break here in about ten minutes or less.

Oh, yeah.

KDK's dad is 5'4 and 3' wide, short and fat.

He looks like Popeye.

That sucks man

Well this one's going out to KDK's dad

KDK's dad everybody

Next heart attack

I'm sorry

I can't say that about KDK's dad

He's not gonna have a heart attack

I'm sorry KDK

I'm playing

KDK

You know KDK

You said you were gonna call my show tonight

You lied

He's probably not in the mood

I'm not in the mood

I gotta be in the mood to call

He fell asleep

I called the show Saturday

He said he had to be in the mood to call

Like the mood

Mood. You've got to be in the mood.

Yeah.

I hope he doesn't call.

I was reading the chat room. He must have passed out or something again.

He woke up. He's talking about his dad, so I just rambled it.

KDK, I want you to know that you can call in, as well as anybody else listening,

1-888-278-8509.

Once again, that's 1-888-278-8509

Is that right? Is that my number?

Yes, and you can get your 8 minutes on the air before we go to break

Yeah, I can, good

1-888-278-8509

Then on AOL Instant Messenger

You can reach me at Madhouse Radio

Again, AOL Instant Messenger users

Reach the show, reach me, Carlito

At Madhouse Radio

Yahoo Messenger users

You can reach me at MadhousePCURadio, and MadhousePCURadio at Hotmail.com is your way to reach me on ICQ.

Oh, fucking ICQ, man.

I really need to take a break.

It's your way to reach me on MSN.

Goddamn.

I need to...

I got my Red Bull here.

Hey, well, look.

Hey, good news here.

I've got a Hooters in Honolulu.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I've got Dick Kicker and Shaundi Salasabal, whatever, in Nevada.

That old woman who answered it.

That has to be Prankmaster Peepers, one, sending a good number.

No, that's Peeps.

That's Peeps for sure.

Yeah, I knew it.

I can just tell by some of the names.

Yeah, the old woman answered there at 12 my time here, so that means what, like, Nevada.

Is that west?

That's still Mountain, right?

So it's 10.

All right, good.

Okay, I don't know where he's at.

Okay, I don't know.

We got Los Dos Amigos restaurant.

I guess it's a Mexican restaurant in Compton, California.

En Cinco.

Oh, Compton.

Yeah.

There's a nightclub in Compton.

A Hispanic woman answered a 1207.

I got ideas for that, too.

This is great.

All gangsters over there, too, man.

I know.

They don't play, especially the Latinas.

No, sir.

They're all in the flim flam, as they say.

Yeah.

Anyway, so we'll all kind of.

You can do your riff raff.

Yeah.

Well, hey, everybody, I'll be right back with more calls.

And the final hour.

No, not the final hour.

Yeah, the final hour.

Shit, you know what?

It's the fucking asshat hour, man.

The asshat hour is coming up after this.

It's coming up.

Fuck yeah.

Everybody, stay tuned for the asshat hour.

I will have my hat on.

Yo, man, what up?

How are you?

You got the wrong number, my friend.

Nah, man, look up.

Listen to this, man.

You done took the hubcaps off my car.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Why don't you get the number you call, asshole?

Who you calling?

Come back, man.

Come back.

Hey, dumb motherfucker, why don't you get your goddamn number you call?

Who you making?

Yo, man, yo, man, wait up, wait up.

Wait up, man, wait up.

I'm going to have you arrested, you bastard.

What the fuck is sick?

You want to talk shit?

Yo, man, look.

I'm talking, Jamaica.

Yo, man, look, all you got to do is get a hug cast back.

Jamaica, where you at, bro?

What, you going to talk shit for about a minute and then hang up?

He hung up.

I got this, man.

Niggas.

Bad bitch.

Radio bitch.

Brooklyn boys, hope for one last time.

How to brawl.

What the hell are you waiting for?

One last time, nigga, make some noise.

Hey, what's up, everybody?

Excuse me.

Everybody, I would like to welcome y'all to the asshat hour.

Welcome, everybody, to the asshat hour.

Thank you, everybody, for coming.

Oh, yes.

Nope, man. What's up, man?

Very disrespectful.

This is an S-out error, everybody.

I think I have record want.

Don't fucking run.

This is such a lack of respect.

A lack of respect for the Muslim nation.

I dare people who have beef with KDK to call me.

That's exactly what I'll give them.

That's a monomy, dang it.

Everybody, don't say S-out.

If you say S-out, you'll be banned.

Shame on you.

Let me put my S-out on.

Hang on, hang on.

I'll put my S-out on.

There it is.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's my ass hat.

Oh, that looks great, man.

Put your ass hat on.

You got your ass hat on over there?

Oh, I got mine on.

Yeah, man.

I got my cheeks all shined up and red.

Everybody out there, everybody out there, put your ass hats on.

Put on your ass hat.

My ass hat.

Harbor, Hawaii.

Rumors nightclub.

The Whale and Ale in Compton.

Proudly serving Compton.

I need to call that Hispanic nightclub in Compton.

South Central Avenue.

Oh, that'll be good, man.

That has to have some good meat there.

Dude, this place is south.

Busting up the sisters.

Oh, shit.

South Central Avenue in Compton, man.

South Central Avenue in Compton.

You can't go wrong with that, man.

South Central Avenue in Compton, man.

There you go, breaking up again.

I want me some South Central, baby.

Exactly.

So what's going on with you, Milkman?

How are you feeling tonight?

How are you liking this?

Man, I'll tell you what.

I got a stomachache.

I've been laughing so hard.

I've been trying not to bust my gut, but I think I already did.

You're doing a great job.

Alright, well, I'll be right back with

My ass hat

The ass hat hour is

The ass hat hour is in full force

I'll be right back with you guys

Buenas noches, how are you?

Hello

Buenas noches, how are you?

Si

Look, how are you, honey?

Eh?

It's the man in the house there, el hombre

Ponme el hombre, por favor

Con quien quieres hablar?

El hombre, the man in charge

You wanna wait?

All right.

Hold on a minute.

You gotta talk to me.

Hello?

You doing fine.

Who's this?

Good.

Don't talk so much.

Look.

Who's this?

Check it out.

You guys got those enchiladas?

You what?

I'm coming in for some food.

Repeat that again?

Look.

I'm coming in for some food, bitch.

You're selling food?

I'm coming in for some food, bitch.

You're coming in for some food?

Food, puta.

What the fuck you mean, bitch?

I ain't your bitch.

Yeah, bitch.

You're my bitch, bitch.

essay what i said you're my bitch essay what up yeah you is what who is you is what no what's up

holla at a player you what i said holla at a player holla at a player yeah who's this this

is alfonso you're who alfonso bitch you want to talk to i want to talk to you you know who's the

boss over there you don't want to talk to me you don't even know who the fuck i am let me talk to

the jefe, carajo. You slut. Let me talk to jefe. To who? Jefe. I want to talk to. Who's

jefe? Germano. Armando. Germano. I know. Germano. There's nobody by that name here. Germano.

What about the jefe? Where's jefe? Jefe. Yeah, the, the, the. Yeah, I don't, jefe, wait.

He ain't here. Well, who's there in charge? He ain't here. Look, I need to do something.

I need to bring my retarded cousin in. You're retarded? My cousin's retarded, bitch. All

All right, nigga.

He in here late.

Yo, don't be calling me nigga.

That was interesting.

Who you calling beach, man?

I ain't your beach, nigga.

I'm calling you up.

Hooters of Honolulu.

I have no idea what I would say to Hooters of Honolulu, though.

Well, don't ask me.

Real quick.

8-2-7-8-8-5-0-9.

Once again, that's 1-8-8-8-2-7-8-8-5-0.

That's your number to call into the madhouse and get your time on the air.

I'm part of the Madhouse joint.

Oh, my friend.

Hello, sir.

How are you?

You'll be saying many negative things.

Many...

My brother, I must warn you, my...

Much bad things.

My brother, I must warn you, my phone is about to die.

Shit.

Oh, shit.

That sucks.

Yeah.

What's up, KDK?

Well, I guess I called at the right time, because I never want to call and tell the

people's shows.

Now I don't have to stay for long.

Exactly.

Hey, look at that.

Well, hey, thanks for calling, though.

I hope everybody enjoyed my dad.

I was hoping we could call him.

We don't have time.

I guess we don't.

to get the cell phone set up.

I get really bad coverage here.

Well, let me give a shout-out

to all the peeps listening,

and let's get a collective

fuck Rebel.

Fuck Rebel.

How do you like the Asshat Hour?

Why do you like that intro

to the Asshat Hour?

I love anything that's like anti-Rebel.

Exactly.

At this point.

I wish he'd call in.

I doubt he would,

but I would like to call in.

Oh, yeah, right.

Like he would ever call in

without Ted on the line anyway.

Yeah, I don't know.

Without a 14-year-old being here.

Rebel's the kind of guy

who picks a fight with people and then hides behind his best friend and that would be ted

you know he would be hiding behind ted and like pointing his figure at you during a fight yeah

i wish i had his numbers i want to be afraid to call it dude i don't know what to do what you you

counsel me coach what do i do here if i can't make calls should i go ahead and call it a night then

at 12 30. no it's up to you you got a decent amount of people listening hanging out in the

chat room they're having fun so do what you want to do you can play old pranks you can uh

and maybe I can find the pranks for the rest of my family.

Hey, if you do, I'll play some stock footage here,

and if you send me stuff, send it, transfer it to me, and I'll play it.

Okay, cool.

You know, in all this, I think we had time to call your dad.

You know what I mean?

All right, well, you can hear him beeping.

All right, well, hey, KDK, thanks for calling, man.

Okay, peace out, bro.

All right, man, later.

Bye-bye.

Okay.

All right, well, everybody, that's it for me tonight.

Thank you very much for joining.

It's been great.

I'll be back here again next Thursday night.

Thank you everybody who contributed

Then some loser

Whatever his name is

Better known as Peeps

Mr. Peepers thank you for coming through with the numbers

I will save what you sent me tonight

I will get to them next week

Unfortunately because of the dead battery

It didn't work out tonight

I had big plans

Yeah I'll take care of that

There won't be a problem next week

Milkman thank you for joining

Milkman

Milkman.com

Peace, man.

We love you, PCU.

Thank you for tuning in to the Madhouse.

Everybody, thank you for calling.

And that's it for me.

Have a good weekend, everybody.

Stay black.

Peace, y'all.

Calls (25, 1 h 3 min of 2 h 17 min)

Transcript

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