2005-08-21 Show

and gentlemen, boys and girls

using whole ass niggas

the weirdo is back

I want everybody right now to put your blunts up

you're now listening to

Bizarre Solo Album

the Handicapped Circus

and I'm your boy Young Miles of Future

and my man's about to get it

crackin' for y'all, the band has

a new lead singer

everybody stand up

put your motherfuckin' hands up for the number one

weirdo, Bizarre

Uh-oh.

What'd you know about that, Milkman?

Woo, man.

And we got our hands up in the air.

My house is back on, now blow your mind.

You didn't know.

Fucking Saturday night, and I'm fucking on Sunday morning.

Fuck that shit.

1-20, what?

1-24 a.m., and I'm on Technofrag.

I'm on PCU.

Who knows where the hell else I am?

And I'm way too old.

World War I Jack

I'm just all over it

What's up everybody you're listening

In PCU Chapel

Right now respect

Everybody now

You're listening to a special edition of the Madhouse

It is Sunday

I'm on after my good friend

KDK who had a banging show tonight

Very good work tonight

Milkman do you agree

Oh man it was perfect

This guy is rocking our world tonight

KDK the mind the cerebro

world the prank world thanks for all the laughs b who knows what i would do without katie k that's

for sure well um man yeah well i like to report that there are a lot of people in the chat room

and i've already posted the number which is 888-278-8509 i'm afraid that i'm blowing people's

heads off with my sound let me try to tame that down a little bit okay um i've got a lot of people

People coming through, Prankmaster has hooked me up with his numbers,

and Peepers is hooking me up with what's left that KDK didn't hit up, plus some new ones here.

I've got a lot of businesses in California.

I have a bank of Hawaiian numbers, too, in Alaskan stuff.

I think I've just about pranked them all at this point.

So while you're over there, Milkman, if you don't mind trying to find some businesses up in,

well, I need West Coast or anything further away.

Wait, I don't know if Guam is not going to work tonight because I don't have a new phone card yet.

So I can't go on with the Guam process.

Yeah, I better stick with you.

Well, if anybody has a phone card out there that you think might be able to access Guam,

then by all means pass it on to me and I'll reimburse you or whatever the hell it is I need to do

if you're able to offer it up for tonight.

What time is it in Guam now?

4 p.m., 4.30 almost on Sunday.

so people are probably at home just getting settled down for their last bit of homeliness

before the week starts up again.

It's great to be on this late.

I'm not 100% ready right now.

It's at 3.20 tomorrow.

Yeah, exactly.

Oh, it is 3.20 over there, not 4.20?

Damn.

That's a shame it's not 4.20 because then I'd have to celebrate.

It's 4.20 somewhere in the world now.

It is 4.20, so spark it up.

Anyway.

I'm telling you.

Yeah, everybody, I left a posting in the kdkprankcalls.com forums regarding our poor friend Buddy.

Milkman, do you know this story?

Do you want to tell everybody out there who may have missed it what occurred to this poor lizard?

Yeah, it's a real tragedy, man.

Our good friend, Prankmaster, a member in good standing of the PCU family.

Anyway, his tragic story, he had an adorable little green and oily lizard.

His thing's cute, and unfortunately, it befell some terrible circumstances.

We found out that Buddy has left the world, and not in a good way, in a violent way.

It's really a sad, tragic thing, and we're not sure exactly how,

but we have suspicions that it may have been an inside job.

I'm getting a lot of gory details on.

I just want to offer my condolences, and I wish only the best for our buddy, Prankmaster.

Definitely.

I'm really sorry, buddy.

Definitely.

It's not funny.

I mean, basically, the way it sounds now, it looks like he may have been hurt by another person,

by possibly Prankmaster's dad.

We don't want to get in his family business, but we just want to say that I, myself, I love animals.

Milkman, you having the name associated with a cow, I'm sure that you like animals yourself.

I know you used to work in a cattle ranch yourself, right?

Isn't that where the name Milgram came from?

Yes, and I'm also an animal myself.

I'm well qualified, and I definitely would take offense if someone had come over here with that kind of attitude.

I'd set them straight.

My little kitty cat would scratch your eyes out.

Well, I have animal genes myself, so I just want to pay the final respects to our good friend, Buddy.

Rest in peace, Buddy.

Amen.

Rest in peace, our little friend.

It reminds me of when Ronald Reagan died.

It was so horrible for me, myself.

I was so hurt when I found out that Ronald Reagan died.

I thought he was dead for two years before he died.

I have to say, I'm always sad when anybody dies.

Ronald Reagan, I won't miss a lot.

Believe it that.

Well, I mean, Republican.

I'm no Johnny Conservative.

That's what I mean.

I did not serve his politics at all.

But as a human being, not in a good way, not in a violent way.

That's a really sad, tragic thing.

What the hell's going on?

We're not sure exactly how, but we have suspicions that it may have been an inside job.

Oh, my God.

There's a lot of gory details on it.

I just want to offer my condolences.

Milkman and everything was repeating in delay.

I know exactly what happened.

Bullshit.

All right, well, hopefully everybody can hear me.

I've lost milk.

Oh, that is loud.

All right, there you are.

my bad okay i had a little snafu there a little technical glitch i was i thought you were talking

in tongues there for a second oh okay repeating myself okay i'm back up i'm okay now okay we're

good um anyway i've got a ton of numbers i'm gonna go ahead i'm gonna go ahead and try a number

um actually uh uh des peepers as i'm gonna call him has given me a phone card which he believes

At least it'll work to call Guam.

What's up with Dukes?

What's Dukes doing?

Anything up with Dukes?

Dukes was awesome, man.

Dukes.

My bad.

Did you hear Dukes' call there at the end of the KDK show?

I know you had him.

Yeah, he was down.

He was really smooth into it, man.

I liked that.

That was good.

Sounded good.

Well, let's try this.

Let's go ahead and try to get a Hawaii number in real quick.

Call Abysses out there.

Let me see if I got anything on stock.

Man, I've got Arizona.

I'm pretty sure in Arizona, Hooters is going to be still open, right?

On a Saturday night.

I was watching boxing tonight.

The Hispanic guy lost to the white guy tonight.

That's all I know, but it was a good boxing match.

Are you a fan of boxing, Milkman?

Yeah, at 10.30, they ought to be kicking over there at Hooters in Arizona.

Well, you didn't pay attention to me.

Do you like boxing, Milkman?

Yes, I do.

You do?

Do you have a favorite that you like in the boxing world?

Oh, the animal Mike Tyson.

Hey, that's still the legend, man.

I remember him in his great days.

Yeah, that's true.

And he started having those beer sandwiches, and then, you know, he kind of went off to the side.

But he still was phenomenal.

It was Buster Douglas that really fucked him up, I think.

And then that whole rape thing, that was a bunch of crap anyway.

But anyway, I digress.

We're supposed to be doing prank calls here.

So let's go ahead and get back to the Madhouse.

Let's kick it.

Be right back in a moment with our first call of the night.

You're listening to a special edition of the Madhouse.

Woo!

I love that two-life crew, huh, Milkman?

I mean, that was stupid.

Tom, may I help you?

Hey, hey, you talk too much.

Anyhow, can I get a job there, please?

I'm here?

Yes, you talk too much.

Can I get a goddamn job there, please?

I need a job.

I'm hungry.

I guess I came off too strong.

Fuck Hooters, man.

They're all stuck up there anyway, these bitches.

Fucking teases.

They're worse than fucking strippers, man.

They didn't even show anything.

Damn it.

Any strip clubs over there in the Virgin Islands?

Well, I hope our Hooters get sunburned for treating us rough in the madhouse.

I hope she gets poisoning from, like, whatever the hell.

They don't use silicone anymore.

Saline poisoning.

Whatever.

I hope her tits rot off like in Fight Club.

Any good strip clubs where you live, sir, over there in the Virgin Islands?

There's a couple.

They've got a couple good ones around here.

I don't really do much on St. Thomas, and there's a couple good ones.

They've got one that went by the name of Bingo here.

Okay, this is hilarious because of this little story that all the guys that worked in the plant

and have a lot of money would go out and play bingo.

So all the wives would be at home and say, oh, okay, you're going to have to play bingo.

Okay, well, you know, I'll talk to you later.

And then they went in through the front door where the bingo parlor was,

and then in the back door upstairs was the stripper's lounge.

And that's where things go wild.

I haven't made it in there, but I've been in the glances a couple times, too.

glances. Is that all they give is glances? It's pretty good. There's good stuff in and

out of there. They've got the hungry ones, and then they've got the well-fed ones. I'm

always pleased when the well-fed ones come by. Oh, so you like the well-fed girls, huh?

Wow. Oh, yeah. Are these mostly black girls there? I mean, I tried to figure out the population

of the islands. That's mostly black, right? Yeah, mostly it's Caribbean black people,

And there's a lot of Spanish, Hispanic people here, especially Dominicans and Puerto Ricans here.

And the biggest percentage would probably be, it's a black world.

It's a black world.

I love it.

Yeah, it's a black world, and I love it, man.

It's so good.

Good deal.

These people are so good to me, man.

I don't never want to come back but to visit.

Really?

That sounds a little bit of sarcasm there, sir.

No, man.

No, no, no.

I just don't miss snow no more, man.

And, you know, and I go out and I see that beautiful water, took my little toes up in there, you know,

took me up some stakes on the beach, uh-huh, uh-huh, and, man, I'm happy, you know.

I think we're losing listeners.

We're fucking losing listeners here.

And I'm trying to find where the hell, what the hell I did with my master prank number list.

I don't know where the hell it is.

I've got to find it here so I can get the good numbers that I got from the past.

You need to send me that stuff on text and I'll keep it for you, man.

I'll work them out for you.

Well, I mean, I have a text file and a Word file.

Well, whatever.

I've got everything.

I can't remember if I put it in my docs or in my radio show folder.

So, everyone, bear with me while I'm trying to get my bearings here and find.

Hopefully, I can get it through here.

Oh, yeah.

Come on, Prankmaster, Peeps, I know you guys are out there.

Oh, Peeps is sending the stuff.

He sent me a card that should call Guam.

I'm going to try that now.

And I found my Guam numbers.

Hell, yeah.

I got Tony's Repair Shop.

we got the

Yasuhide Torige

that's a name I guess in Guam

some old guy answered last week

at 10.59

Jay's Jumpers

I called the Moonraker

last Thursday in the VI

yeah

I'm going to go ahead and call Guam now

the theory is being since Guam is

ahead of us it's actually

Sunday afternoon

we should be able to get

on a Sunday I'm not going to be able to

like anybody at a car place, man.

I've got to call houses.

You better try a residence, maybe.

It's such a small place that a residence

may actually be a car shop, too.

I doubt it. Those people are taking

the day off. Those people are way laid back.

Anyway, I've got

some nightclubs in Hawaii here still

that I haven't called yet.

I think I may have some casinos or something

out here, too. Those are always fun.

I will have to scratch through and get

some good ones here from local.

While I'm doing this, I'm calling Lloyd and

and Rosie Dick with an E at the end.

I'm assuming the E is silent, so we'll go with Lloyd and Rosie Dick.

Man, they don't know what's coming.

Anyway, some lady answered there last week.

On the island of Guam, I have no idea what you call someone from Guam.

Do you have any idea?

Guamanian.

You're sure about that now?

Yeah, Guamanian.

My cousin was born there.

Okay.

All right, well, we'll be right back with the next call, everybody.

Hang on.

Enter the phone number you wish to dial.

Hey.

Ray, how you doing, hon?

How's every little thing?

You sleeping?

Hey, I need some pineapple. I need some, you got any pineapples? Huh? Hurry up. Who? We need to be quick here. How you doing? Yeah, good. Hey, this is Fred. How you doing? Fred, sir. So tell me, how are things over there? You got any pineapple? I need some pineapple. Do you like salt on your pineapple? I think you got the wrong number. No, no, no. We need to talk, Mr. Dick. This is Frank. Frank Fred. Fred Frank. Freddison. Fred. Frank Fred. Hey, um, I

I need an alternator for an 88 Ford Escort.

You got the wrong number.

I'm answering the ad in the paper for the Escort.

You got the wrong number.

I have this, I got the blower for the leaves, you know.

I want to see if you could barter for me.

You know, the barter system is the first system in the United States of America.

Yeah, hello.

Who is this?

Look, Bunny Talks.

I mean, I'm calling you from the Benjamin Franklin Corporation in Pennsylvania,

Pennsylvania, Harrisburg chapter, and I want to let you know that we've come across your name

in the national selection for people to come and enjoy the beautiful weather in the fall

and watch the changing of the leaves.

Yeah, okay.

Would you be interested in coming down?

Coming to where?

We're shooting a commercial for our insurance company,

and you've been affiliated with us for quite some time, sir.

You have the life insurance policy with us, and we'd like to have you make your comments.

I don't have life insurance policy with you.

You like the pharmaceuticals.

It was bought for you by your Uncle Fred.

I don't have an Uncle Fred.

Uncle Frank?

You must have the...

Let me pull up your account here real quickly.

Yes, Frank.

Frank who?

Frank Dick.

Don't get smart with me, kid, all right?

Why don't you put one of the grown-ups there, one of the Americans on the line?

I'm talking to you.

You're talking to me.

I'm talking...

Hey, look, don't talk back to me like this.

I hold a lot of...

You're the one who called me a fool.

I hold a position of power.

I don't care.

You know my power is great power.

You're a nut.

Did you know that you can reduce a dog's erection by pouring sugar on his erect penis?

Very interesting.

I don't know how that went.

I was just rolling with that one.

What do you think?

Be honest.

I loved it, Frank Fredson.

That was good.

He was like, what?

I got here with too many verbs here.

Frank Fredson, Fred Frank.

Was that Guam?

Yeah.

She told me.

Lord have mercy.

she said an uncle frank uncle fred i don't know i don't know so what do you know anything about

guam well i know it's polynesian and uh it was uh acquired earlier in the century

from about the war times it became a possession because it was one of the big standholds uh

strongholds for american forces during world war i think they may have a bit of a spanish

culture there as well as polynesian they probably have a lot of japanese oh i'm sure they do i'm

Sure they do, being that close.

I mean, they're right over next to Australia.

That's how close they are.

Oh, that far?

Yeah, they're in the same time zone as Australia.

There it is.

That's Guam for you, everybody.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Yeah.

Anyway, let me give out the toll-free number again.

That's 888-278-8509.

Once again, that's 1-888-278-8509.

Everybody out there listening on PCU or any of the two affiliates, affiliates, affiliates, what's up, what's up, Technofrag and Radio 306, right?

Yes, sir.

Radio 306.

You know, I went to the Radio 306 website.

It was very interesting.

Have you seen it yet?

No, I haven't, man, because that hit me so quick I haven't even got a chance to open it up.

But I'm really happy to say we've got some new listeners involved.

Yeah, there's a lot of people here in the chat room.

The chat room is packed.

There's like tons and tons of people.

This is better than Saturday Night Live.

Exactly.

Well, this is kind of a low-key version of the Madhouse.

Milkman, who started joining in the show last week on Thursday,

I start at 9.15 on PC radio.

Excuse me while I get another beer.

I'm on number six in the last 30 minutes.

When I found out I was going to go on, I was like,

I need to do some catching up.

I've been sipping one beer all day.

so rednecks in the chat room what's the tivo like win app recorder if you go to my web page

madhouse live.com again that's madhouse live.com click on the how to listen link on the left hand

side of the page and that is there it's called stream repper is what i use and i believe it's

what mr kdk uses um yeah that's what i use that's what you use too right it's a plug-in for win app

and it works very well.

I use it to record Zolar

and I use it to record KDK's show tonight.

I don't think that's copyright infringement if it is

and KDK can eat dick.

I'm just playing, I'm just playing.

Anyway, everybody out there, come on,

give me a call, damn you bastards.

It's 1-888-278-8509.

Let me put that in the chat.

Actually, Milkman, this is your job.

This is what we put in the chat room.

But whenever you hear me say the toll-free number, jump in there and put it in there.

Can you handle that?

Yes.

Yes?

Okay, good, good.

All right, one minute.

It's going up now.

Okay, good deal.

You're the man.

Oh, no, I did something bad.

I didn't.

Okay, I got it here.

I thought a bunch of numbers that I had just gotten from Dr. Peepers.

Okay, let's...

Whoa!

This is doing some crazy shit.

Hang on.

Who does a Burbank corners of Anna?

You might want to bring down the Madre on your back, man.

The Madre?

Are you talking about the Madre?

Who Madre?

It's something bad.

Yeah, boy.

You don't play around.

She can kiss my ass.

I'm done with her.

I'm putting off all contact with my mom.

Yeah, right.

I say that now.

When I have a car trouble, I'm going to need her.

Okay.

Anyway, I'm boring everybody out there.

We're going to make another call to another Hooters and see if this one goes better.

We're calling Burbank.

Burbank, that's where all the TV shows are, right?

Yeah.

A lot of them come out of there.

CBS.

Outside of Hollywood.

Yeah.

743 now.

Yeah.

Maybe we'll find somebody in there.

Maybe Al Pacino will be in there.

Anyway, I'll be right back with you guys in just one moment.

Yeah.

I don't know what to say, really.

Three minutes to the biggest battle of our professional lives.

All comes down to today.

Either we heal the team inch by inch, play by play, till we're finished.

We're in hell right now, gentlemen.

Believe me.

We can stay here, get the shit kicked out of us, or we can fight our way back into the light.

We can climb out of hell.

one inch at a time now i can't do it for you i'm too old i look around i see these young

faces and i think i mean i made every wrong choice a middle-aged man can make i uh i pissed

away all my money believe it or not i chased off anyone who's ever loved me lately i can't even

stand the face i see in the mirror you know when you get old in life things get taken from i mean

And that's part of life.

But you only learn that when you start losing stuff.

You find out life's just a game of inches.

But you know everybody, he's himself.

Who is this right now?

Headquarters.

Hey, honey, how you doing?

Hello?

Hey, honey, how you doing?

I'm sorry, I can't understand you.

I said, oh, here we go.

Can you hear me now?

Can you hear me?

Hello?

Yeah, what's up, bitch?

Yes, hello.

I'm having a hard time hearing you, sir.

You can hear me.

Come on, get the cock out of your mouth.

Maybe you can talk better to me.

Look, is there a wait right now?

God damn it.

I can hear you.

I don't know if it's the phone.

You stupid twat.

Can you hear that?

Get the ass hat off.

Duh.

She heard that part.

Apparently.

Damn it.

Isn't that the worst word you can call someone?

Milkman, by the way, yeah, you're being heard by all the callers.

I'm assuming they're hearing you.

You're on monomix and whatnot.

You're just like last week.

Thursday.

Oh, okay.

Chat room, let me know if Madhouse is not coming through.

He should be.

Everybody should be able to hear him.

Give me a sound check out there.

Tell me how good he sounds.

All right, well, listenership is still holding strong, and we have our first caller of the night.

Now, Milkman, please keep aware that I don't think that they're going to be able to hear you.

That's what I was saying.

Okay, I didn't think so.

All right, well, we've got my first international caller.

Hang on here.

You're on the Madhouse.

Oh, good.

Excellent.

How are you, sir?

I was concerned.

Why was that?

Did you think you had the wrong number?

Well, I was concerned because I've been calling and calling, and I've been getting all kinds of funny beeps and signals,

and then I've been getting busy signals, so now I'm on the Madhouse show.

So my concern over not getting to go on the Madhouse show is alleviated.

You, sir, were being bombarded with communist propaganda over the phone and digital porn.

Same old shit.

Yeah, well, you know what?

That's how I roll, man.

I don't believe in a free market system.

Fuck it, man.

Communism.

Yeah, fuck.

Burn it all, right?

Burn it all to hell.

Burn all the currency and bring in red money.

That's what I say.

What do you say?

Well, let me just get what I need from the mall before you do that.

Well, hurry up.

I'll give you a heads up.

You'll know.

Okay, good.

Right before the race war, I'll let you know, Mr. Ward.

For real?

For real, sir.

What part of the country are you calling from?

I'm in Florida, sir.

I'm as far away as I can get from you in the United States.

Because I'm in Canada.

I know you're in Canada.

I've heard.

How is Canada treating you, by the way?

How is Canada treating me?

It's treating me delightfully.

Delightfully?

Well, Canada ain't really doing shit for me, but it's an okay place to live.

You know, sir, everybody down here wants to move to Canada for some reason.

So how come they don't?

Because apparently it's hard to get into Canada.

It's, you know.

Unless you're from Asia.

Asia?

Really?

We've got a lot of Asians there, I see.

Oh, we've got whole, like, cities now that, like, are brand new cities that just sort

of popped up instantaneously because a whole bunch of immigrants settled there, and it's

like, well, not even, like, towns enough, and, like, full-on cities that are pretty

new cities just from all the new development from people coming over from other places.

So you've got, like, whole cities that are, like, just Hong Kong people or just Vietnam people or whatever.

Hong Kongos and Vietnams.

Yeah, I don't know what else to describe it as because I don't know the politically correct term.

Can't call them immigrants, can't call them foreigners, you know?

Yeah, everybody's got a problem.

You can't call anybody anything these days, man.

That's right.

It's all going to hell, man.

It's all going to shit.

Yeah, the society's down.

It's the fall of Rome, Mr. Ward.

Don't you agree?

Well, yeah, I just like to, when I make prank calls, I'll just prank call them and ask them how they like Canada.

Yeah.

Ask them if they'd like to cook for me, because we have a custom that when you're new to the neighborhood, you're supposed to cook for your neighbors.

Isn't it the other way around, just to bring cookies around or something like that?

No, but this time they can cook me a whole, like, roast beef dinner.

Oh, yeah?

They don't know how it is.

They're going to be like, you've got to pay us 50 bucks in dues and stuff.

You'll also have to bring me a big, a weak supply of marijuana, I'll tell them.

Exactly.

You need to grow it in some nice tie stick, molly-wolly shit.

Exactly.

Are you on a cordless phone or something?

Yes, I am.

Does it sound like shit?

No, it's just you're getting choppy.

You're cutting out.

Oh, really?

No, I'm bouncing around here, moving pipes and opening bags and opening beers and stuff.

My phone sucks.

How many beers have you got there?

One, two, three, four, five empty bottles, and I can, you know, I'm going to put them

all on each finger.

You ever do that, man?

I believe I have.

Yes.

I've gone clankety-clank with them.

You know what's fun?

Put them on your fingers and start doing that.

Warriors, come out to play.

Exactly.

What's this?

That's fun.

Remember that movie?

No.

What's that?

You never saw The Warriors?

The Warriors?

Warriors.

Yeah.

No.

Is that one of those 80s movies?

No, it's a night...

I think it's from 1979, so close enough with the 80s, but it's about a gang war in New

York where all the gangs are meeting up in Central Park at the beginning of the movie.

They had to get back to...

Shit.

Brett Krueger with all them on him.

That is not good.

You like hip-hop and shit, right?

That is not good.

Oh, boy.

Nothing happened.

I almost got beer all over my computer.

That really fucked up my night, man.

Well, that would be a bad move.

Yeah.

God.

It'd be a bad move.

I don't do it.

Yeah, I'd shoot myself in the cock.

So, yeah, hip-hop.

Yeah, I like all music.

I prefer towards hip-hop here, but...

Well, it's funny that you would never have seen the Warriors if you're a hip-hop head

because so many, like, quotes and vocal samples have been taken from that movie.

Really?

And all these songs that you would know.

That's all right.

I've got to look into that.

I don't know much about the older movies or stuff like that.

We should go rent it tomorrow.

We should, yeah.

I'll get it on Netflix.

You're going to love it.

I'm sure.

Get it on DVD.

Yeah, yeah.

How quickly does Netflix deliver from the time you place your order?

Next business day.

When they receive my movie, yeah, yeah.

The cool thing is Netflix is better than Blockbuster mailing out shit

because Netflix actually has P.O. boxes all over the country.

Like, there's a P.O. box here in Orlando.

So I don't have to send it to their main distribution center.

Like, Blockbuster, you send it to Iowa, it takes like two days, sometimes three to even get there.

Mine gets there the next day.

It's local mail, so it's bad.

Do you have to go pick it up from Netflix or deliver it to your house?

No, they send it right back to my house, but it's just mad quick.

It's mad quick because it's local, you know what I mean?

It's got a good system.

Yeah, exactly.

So I'm sure there's some guy, he probably has a nice-ass job.

He has a warehouse full of DVDs, and all he does is switch out DVDs all day.

It's like working at a Blockbuster without having to deal with customers.

It's got to be a sweet job.

I want in that fucking racket, man.

It has to be a sweet job.

Cool, man.

I'll get up.

So what, they charge it to your credit card or something?

And if you don't return it, they charge it for it kind of thing?

No, $14 a month subscription, and I keep it as long as I want.

I keep up to three out a month.

And I go online and I build a huge list of all the movies I want to see.

And, you know, I get three.

When I send it back, they get it.

They send me the next one on the list.

You know, and then I in turn burn those.

And I've got a whole nice, not that I would do that, of course.

Those are copies of movies that I own, of course, myself.

I wouldn't do anything illegal.

You know how it is.

Totally, yeah.

I need a copy for the car, you know, because I roll.

Yeah, exactly.

I got the three DVDs.

Well, backup copy, right?

Oh, yeah, for sure, yeah.

They're totally legit.

They're backup copies.

Totally, totally legit.

For insurance.

Exactly.

So you're only allowed to get one movie to touch them?

Three out at a time.

Oh, I see.

Well, us talking about Netflix is probably not very entertaining to the listeners.

No, we're talking a bunch of bullshit.

Yeah, that's right.

So we're still talking about prank calls.

Yeah, why don't we do a prank call?

What's your favorite prank call that you've done recently?

Recently?

I had some nice prank calls on my show recently.

You haven't caught any of it, have you?

You haven't heard my show yet until tonight, right?

No, I don't think I've been around on Thursdays yet to hear your show.

Yeah, well, I'm going to separate some calls out, and I'll put them up on my page,

and you can check those out, and you can hear it tonight.

Cool.

Yeah, by all means, please.

So have you got some of your older calls up on the site right now?

Yeah, KDK has my older, old calls, like from two years ago, a few of them.

I don't know if you've heard those.

Those are archived, and there's a link on my page also to those.

And then I'm going to get my new stuff.

I have a lot of good stuff.

I feel pretty happy with the collection I've got going on.

I just have to edit it out of the show stream.

Cool.

And anyway, I think I might have found something.

You mentioned you're looking for a program that will play a sound effect with each keystroke, each keypress.

I found a program that you can assign operations for each key just doing a keypress.

So I'm pretty sure you could just make it open.

So it would make the operation be to play a sound.

Yeah, exactly. Open the file, and it'll play it for you.

Oh, okay. What's that program called?

I don't know yet. That's the whole thing. I found it, but I don't know a fan.

I didn't get a chance before going on to download it, so I'll test it.

Do you have it?

Yeah, no, I found it. I had to download it. I don't want to download it now. I'm concerned.

Well, if you can't remember the name, send it to me.

Okay, yeah, I'll either send you a link, or I'll test it, and I'll let you know where it's at.

Cool.

So you can check that out, yeah.

That would be much appreciated.

Well, sir, I'll be honored if you do a prank call on the line here, if you don't mind holding on.

Oh, I'll be honored to do it.

All right, great. Do you have any preferences? I can see what I can do for you.

You know what? I'm just the kind of guy you just fucking sick me on whoever, and I'll just go.

Okay, good. All right. Just some other aspects.

You know, I'll have a better idea. Go with it.

Yeah, oh, I'll let you know for sure. I like that. I'll give you a heads up.

Hang on, let me get to my inbound numbers here.

Okay, we have in Anchorage, Alaska, where I believe it is only, I don't know,

what time is it in Anchorage, Alaska, like 6 a.m.?

No.

It's going to be, I'd imagine that it's either, I got 5 to 2 right now,

so it's got to be either 5 to 11 or 5 to 10.

Okay, all right, so they're pretty early there still or something, I guess, right?

5 till 9.

So they're still awake.

Yeah, exactly, they better be.

Okay, I've got the FlightDig bar and lounge.

It looks like it's in the International Airport in Anchorage.

Fantasies on Fifth Avenue in Anchorage.

We have Great Alaskan Bush Company in Anchorage and Kodiak Jack's in Fairbanks.

Booyak Jack?

Kodiak Jack's.

Kodiak, like, I don't know.

Boodyak?

No, Kodiak with a K, like KDK.

Kodiak.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

It's in Jack.

Yeah, well, there's the International Airport.

I guess there's a bar in there.

We'll call the International Airport then.

I will.

Fucking ask them about their flights.

the Flight Deck Bar and Lounge, and I'm going to go ahead and play a tune real quick. Do

you have any preference on that, sir? I got some, you like Wu-Tang Clan? Yeah. Yeah? All

right, well, I'm going to hit you up with some Wu-Tang Clan here, freaking. Cool. Yeah,

right on. This is old 90s style right here. All right, everybody, we'll be right back

with a good friend, Sean Ward, and a prank phone call in just one moment.

your master and where i come from visuals i smash my jackson speak you know can i help you

susan yes how are you susan fine thank you good how busy is it in there to pick up well yeah

that's going to find out like typically how long does it take busy they are no idea how busy they

are well how about how long would it take to get a drink served because i'm going to be having a

connecting flight and i'm a little bit of just a just a brief window and i thought i might stop

You said it's not that busy, but it is starting to pick up.

Right.

Think maybe I could get to the front of the line?

I can't guarantee anything, honey.

It's first come, first served.

Right, because I'll dress nice.

I'll be the best looking guy in the place.

Oh, honey, I can't guarantee anything.

It's first come, first served.

Well, do you think, are you the hostess?

You're just answering the phone?

I am the bartender.

You serve drinks, too.

You're the bartender.

Is there another bartender there, too?

No, there is not.

Because I was hoping that I could get, like, my own private bartender.

No, sir.

Because I've got a weird thing about people.

I'm not good with strangers.

I'm sorry, honey.

I don't know what to tell you.

Well, you could just tell me that you love me.

I don't think that that would be an option.

Well, you could just tell me that you'll be my private book tender when I come in,

because I've got a thing about people.

Hello?

That's it, man.

Yo.

She hung up, the bitch.

She's a tease.

Yeah.

She's a tease, I say.

I'll pass her number on to you, so if you want to call her tomorrow,

I'll give her some shit.

Cool, head on.

Well, what's the one that was called Fantasies on Fifth Avenue?

Is that a sex shop or something?

I have no idea, Fendi.

We can find out, by all means.

Well, then, call it up.

Yeah, let's do it.

Hang on.

Be right back in a moment, son.

Do it up!

Yeah.

Vanilla butter, chocolate caramel sundaes

We're getting cuts

And scoops in my ice cubes

Who says it up?

Your honey dips

Summertime fine

Jerry drippin'

Senua pickings

With a bookie

Pickin' till you're clickin'

I kept shootin'

See that?

There's your pickin' card number.

Honey throat smellin' like impulse

Your whole shell, baby

Is wicked like Nimrod

Caught me like a fresh water straw

I may or may not be God

Attitude is very rude, boo

Traggy like seafood

It turns me on like vines to your long root

They call me Sparky Love

Won't check the strategy by any means

Surely Temple Croses was done by Billie Jean

Black Mrs. America

Your name is Erica, right, true

Lazy, I'll boost Morphe's six-shoe

When that connection breath smelling like cinnamon

Excuse me, honey, don't mean no harm

Turn around again, just goddamn

Okay, there.

Fantasy's on Fifth Avenue in Anchorage.

Cool.

Fantasy.

Hello, how you doing, baby?

Hello. Hello. How are you? Good. You hear me all right. You're cutting up fantasies on Fifth Avenue. Ma'am. I was wondering how much it costs to get a fantasy down there. What do you mean? Come in and purchase one of your fantasies that you got available. I was wondering what kind of fantasies you got up in there. This is like a gentleman's club for dancers. Ah, yeah. Come in that place. Yes, ma'am. What if I came with my grandson? Is he over 18? Yeah, he's over 18.

He's a 21.

Yeah.

Well, listen, you got any need of two densels down there?

You can always come in and fill out an application.

Well, what's involved in applying for a position down there?

Just come in and fill out an application.

Do I got to take off my clothes for the men when I do my application?

No, ma'am.

Well, how are you going to tell if I got the goods or not?

Well, I don't know.

Well, I'm telling you right now, I'm a good-looking woman.

Yeah?

Calls (19, 41 min of 1 h 24 min)

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