2005-09-01 Show

y'all the band has a new lead singer everybody's up put your motherfucking hands up for the number

one weirdo what's up everybody i just cut the music off with like so undramatically

anyway i i hope every i hope everybody can hear me milkman are you there yeah man i hear you

that madhouse is on madhouse has finally returned what's up man how you doing hey man we're doing

We're doing good here, man.

We're just kind of recovering from this last week activity.

Yeah, last week activity.

What happened?

What were we talking about?

Oh, you know, all the adventures I had brewing around out there in the Caribbean, the Gulf Coast and everything.

Oh, yeah.

Just been kind of laying low, you know.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you guys have nothing to worry about in the Virgin Islands, man.

Well, I guess you do in the future.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Let them blow on by.

I hate to hear it, but as long as it misses.

Yeah, you guys laugh at hurricanes these days, right?

You've been hit by so many of them by now.

Well, you haven't been hit by them.

I'm not going to go that far

We've been wiped out before

Back in the Hugo days

Okay

Well

Hopefully that doesn't happen again

Right here next to me

I have

Andy's in the house

What's up Andy

Hey what's up Carlos

Andy's back in

And we have

Considerably less

We have

We have considerably

Considerably less people

Tonight

In the house

I just have me

Milkman is on

Andy is here next

And

We got Athena's on the

On the laptop

Athena

You're in the chat

Hi Athena

Milkman's saying hi to you

By the way

She waved hi to you.

She said hi.

Okay, I see you.

He sees you.

Anyway, so what do we got planned for tonight?

Just prank calls as usual, of course.

I'm getting a lot of good stuff from Mr. Peepers.

Lonesome Loser is sending in some stuff.

We've got a Cheers West in Pennsylvania.

That sounds pretty cool.

Yeah, Nunu sent in some numbers earlier there, too.

Oh, he did?

Nunu's in Britain, though.

How does that work?

He went and confirmed some in Kansas or called somewhere in the States.

Oh, he did?

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

That's pretty good for him.

All right.

That's pretty good of him.

I don't know what he's going to do with that.

Okay.

This is one of them religious nuts.

We got a number for religious nut, huh?

Hang on.

Let me see.

Yeah, yeah.

That's the one I sent to you from New.

Okay.

Yeah, that's right.

I saw you.

I got to read that story.

I didn't get a chance to look at that.

Big Apple Casino in Everett, Washington.

I'm going to try to give them a call, see what's going on over at the Big Apple Casino.

know. As normal, I'm unprepared, so I have no idea exactly what it is that I'm going

to be talking about, but I'll play it by ear and see what happens. So, for the time being,

everybody enjoy this next song. I have no idea what it's going to be, and we'll be right

back with the first call of the night. Don't play Beastie Boys. What do you have against

Beastie Boys? Tell them somebody took your money. I hate Beastie Boys. Beastie Boys?

Well, can I play it back? Yeah, that's all right. You should have a better song than

of that one, though.

All right, well,

you tell me what I need to get

and maybe I'll get it.

All right, well,

we'll be right back.

It's 940 on the Madhouse.

Yoo-hoo!

Hey, Gaffer,

Casino Club Broadway.

This is Carol Marino, too.

Yeah, hey,

how you doing there?

Can barely hear you.

Well, what's the matter?

We got a bad connection?

I don't know.

My connection's just fine.

What about yours?

I hear you just fine.

You said you couldn't hear me.

How can I help you, honey?

Well, I need to

understand something now.

What kind of rooms

do you have there

in the casino?

You need to do this here

and talk to Destiny.

I mean, he's the one that kind of...

Is that what you want to do, is rent a room?

Yeah, sure, whatever.

Whatever you think is best.

Well, you need to call and talk to the manager of that, and that would be Justin,

and he'll be here tomorrow about 11 o'clock or so.

Well, is there something that we can discuss?

I mean, what do you know about the rooms?

I don't know anything about the rooms.

What can I do?

They're available.

How about the blackjack tables?

Are they loose?

Let me talk you to the tip.

All right.

Find that bacon grill.

Big Apple Casino, Club Broadway.

Thanks for calling.

Can I help you?

Yeah, I just went in there and there's a funny bacon smell on the money that I was given.

A what?

A funny, kind of like a bacon smell.

You're going to have to speak up then. I don't hear you.

Well, ma'am, first of all, I'm not your son.

Second of all, my mother's dead, so please don't say that.

She just died last week.

I said, sir.

You said, son.

Okay.

Well, I can roll back the tape if you need me.

Look, I got money out of your place.

It smells like bacon grease, bacon fat.

Okay, and you want me to do what?

Well, I need to come in and exchange these quarters.

Okay.

What's the big deal?

Can I get your name?

You have people eating bacon while they're refilling the machine or something?

I mean, what kind of operation you got going on here?

Can I get your name?

Yeah, this is Carlito.

Can you spell that for me?

C-A-R-L-I-T-O.

Last name?

I really would rather not give that out without having your last name first.

My name is Melissa Imes. I'm the ship's manager.

Your name is Melissa what? Imes?

Imes.

I-M-E-S?

I-A-M-S?

I-M-E-S.

I-E-I...

It's like the dog food.

What? Like I-M's?

I-M's? Nice.

So what do you do there exactly? Are you in the pit?

I'm the pit manager.

So can you explain to me why I have greasy quarters that smell like bacon fat?

What was that?

Can you explain why I have quarters that smell like bacon fat?

I don't know, honey, but if you got the money, they're probably not going to exchange it for you.

Well, this is a travesty. You understand.

I have all these coins that are greasy and they smell horrible.

Check it.

Well, all I can tell you is you can come in and try.

Check what?

I'm talking to my employees.

You're talking to me.

I have a job to do here, darling.

And I have a job to do here, too.

Okay, well, what would you like me to do?

I need you to assure me that I can come in and exchange these dirty coins.

I cannot give you that approval.

Well, why not?

Because that is not my job.

Well, why don't you read to me your mission statement?

I don't have one of those.

You don't even have a mission statement.

You don't even know yours.

You're not very professional.

Well, you know, all I can tell you is your options,

but your only options are to come in and try.

Don't you take pride in your job in the organized crime industry?

I'm sorry, the organized gambling industry?

I don't know, but you could ask her if you could smell her

and then the coins and the pear.

She's probably over there eating chicken anyway.

I bet you have a chicken.

What do you think, Milkman?

Hey, that was good, man.

She's definitely giving you the bacon and lettuce tomato sandwiches.

Yeah, exactly.

about food at casinos too milkman you go to the casinos much in virgin in the virgin islands yeah

we got a nice casino out here it's not huge but it's pretty good yeah a little bit of money hey

milkman try speaking up a little bit i don't know if you're coming out okay i just didn't want to

overload the uh oh you're doing good you're doing good man you're doing good right yeah so hey tell

me what's up with the price of gas over there in the vi man well i'll tell you it's just like

everywhere it's uh kind of it's kind of nasty man yeah yeah do you pay by the liter or do you

You get paid by the gallon.

No, we're gallons, man.

We're U.S.

Yeah, Puerto Rico is by the liter.

It's so confusing.

Oh, is that right?

Yeah, I don't know.

I think they rip you off that way, too, somehow.

They're a splitter state.

We're splitters.

They drive on the right-hand side of the road,

but here we drive on the left-hand side of the road.

Oh, you guys are...

Oh, really?

Yeah, that's like that in St. Thomas, too.

In American cars.

We look like postmen going down a road.

Really?

Oh, so, yes, the steering wheel is on the other side, too?

No, it's just that, yeah, it's right on the mailbox side.

On the left side, yeah.

Yeah, regular car, wrong side of the road.

So how do you use an ATM through a drive-thru?

They're set up the other way.

Oh, they are?

Okay, so the back, oh, that makes more sense.

It's like it's always.

It's just when you come out, you've got to jump in the left lane.

Really?

Well, I would die.

I can barely drive as it is now with the right-hand system.

I don't know.

Are most children in Virgin Islands left-handed?

Actually, there's a lot of left-handers here.

They do a lot of left-handies, if you know what I mean.

No.

No, what do you mean?

What do you mean?

Tell us, man.

Twisting their left-handed cig is mine.

All right.

Well, hey, check this out.

New News is telling me about, I think I heard this story,

a rabbi who was banned for sucking baby's cocks.

Didn't he give them?

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

He gave them herpes or something.

Yeah, herpes.

Well, that's the, it's like a, it's a Jewish, like when they do the circumcision,

they suck the blood off.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

What?

So what's it do that?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's the ultra, ultra Jewish ones.

The ones with the crazy, the crazy cyber.

The locks.

Hasidic Jews, right, I think.

Yeah, uh-huh.

What's a moel or a moem?

That's what that guy is.

He's the paper trimmer.

So he had herpes.

That's sick, man.

Rabbis get married, too, you know.

I don't know.

I would think a Catholic priest would have herpes before a rabbi would.

Anyway, DTT, thank you in the chat room.

By the way, everybody, if you go to kdkprankcalls.com, once again, that's kdkprankcalls.com,

you can join the chat room in Java, as well as there are instructions there to join us on the IRC.

Also, be sure to visit my toll-free line, my website, my webpage for the show.

It's madhouselive.com.

Once again, that's madhouselive.com.

the toll free number I believe is open

yes it is, I know I opened it out earlier

that's 888-278-8509

once again that's to call toll free to the madhouse

you want to call 888-278-8509

if anybody in the chat room

I see DTT is the only guy who's talking right now

if you can tell me how we're coming in

on the stream

I'm assuming I'm not coming in too loud

Let us know how Andy sounds

And let me know how Milkman sounds

Milkman

I was going to ask you about something here

I was going to ask you about something

I would like to call more casinos

You have like 24 hour casinos over there

In the Virgin Islands right

Yeah well they're not 24 hours

There's one but they don't close

Until like 3 or 4 in the morning

Here

And it's what it's like 11 o'clock

player almost now yeah it's a 948 actually yeah virgin islands is nine oh you know what i found

a site that lists all the um all the major cities and stuff like that and i can see the time like

right now it's not yet 948 um it's 948 in aruba too i don't know where the hell's aruba yeah it's

in the same time this application i can send you that gives you all the world clock times it's real

small yeah i was gonna ask you for that that'd be cool yeah that would be cool all right well let

Let me go back, uh, uh, let me pay attention to Lonesome here, because he's sending me numbers.

Uh, Lonesome's coming through with some pretty cool numbers.

I'm going to try to give him some of those a call.

Let me turn this down here.

Oh, that's good.

You're on the madhouse.

Go ahead.

Hello?

Uh-oh.

Oh, we got a problem.

I got another call out, too.

That's not even going on, is it?

Hello?

Hang on.

Don't go anywhere.

Oh, wait.

Hello?

That's working.

I just received your last phone call from this number.

Oh, yeah?

And I'm not really enjoying this.

Yeah, well, uh, would you like a different kind of phone call?

I'm more delightful phone call.

Delightful?

I don't do delightful.

Fuck delightful, man.

Am I here to entertain you or something?

Can you put the phone down between your legs there, honey?

Yeah.

What's up, man?

What's up?

Is this Randy?

Yeah.

What's up, Randy Dandy?

How you doing?

I'm doing just fine.

I'm Randy.

Yeah, that's good.

Your friend Andy's here.

Look, at first, you're cool about last week.

I mean, the assholes over here were talking some shit about you.

Yeah, I'm calling in to make the straightened stuff out.

I'm not pissed about that.

I don't really care.

Yeah, we're just playing with you, man.

If you were, you'd get challenged into a rap battle.

Yeah, we can't.

No, I don't really care that much.

All right, well, that's good.

Hey, you're a very strong man.

So what do you think about the hurricanes there?

What's going on?

How has that affected you?

Nothing.

We didn't even have storms up here.

No?

You're in Illinois, right?

Illinois.

Yeah, it was like in Indiana.

And those were where the storms from the hurricanes were.

But I've been watching TV, and I've seen all the hicks talking in their language.

and I've been seeing the black stealing stuff.

The black loser, that's for sure.

It almost looks like it.

It looks like apes.

I'm sorry, but they do.

You've got to talk close to this over here.

So I...

Well, Randy won't be able to hear you.

Oh, Randy won't?

Well, we'll project your voice onto that right there.

All right.

Did you get hit by any of it?

Did we?

Well, I mean, it first came through here when it was a Category 1.

Athena, what was it, Category 1 or Category 2 or something like that?

Category 1.

It hit south of here.

We didn't see anything

We got like maybe a rain shower

No we didn't get anything at all

We got some bands

I know that

I don't even think we got a single band

Well see where

You know where it got hit

Is like Gulfport

I was just down there

Like two weeks ago

Oh yeah that's right

Remember you told me

Like on our second show

You were

You were going down there

With family

And you didn't want to go

Oh so

Now you were down

You have family down there right

No I don't

We just went down there

For a vacation

Oh just for a vacation

So you got to see it

Right before the end

Pretty much man

Yeah

Because Gulfport got pretty

And they were just like rebuilding and everything really and now it's like all gone yet again

Well next time your parents go on a vacation tell them to come to Orlando. Yeah, I've been down to Orlando

Twice did you go to Disney? Yeah. Yeah. What was your favorite ride at Disney? I'm not sure really

You got a lot of good right there. You were high the whole time. Yeah, I like Cedar Point up in, Ohio

Cedar Point, that's one of my favorite theme park. That sounds boring Cedar. What do you do Cedar Point cut?

You got trees and stuff?

What's the story there?

They got, like, the best roller coasters there.

They got, like, Millennium Force and Top Thrill Dragster.

They have log cabins, and then you split firewood.

Yeah.

Yeah, nobody has log cabins.

Except for the Canadian to live in igloos.

Do you have to rub your sticks together to start a fire?

But, uh, you want to do some calls?

Yeah, we can.

Yes, I do.

Yes, yes, we do.

Well, if you have a number, you can send it to me, and I am,

or I've got a bank of stuff coming in from my main man, Lonesome Loser,

also known as Peepers.

Yeah, I'll do one of Peepers' numbers.

Yeah, he's always got the good shit, man.

He comes through with the creepy numbers.

Yeah.

He's got Admiral's Cove Beach Club in Washington.

I don't know about that.

Annie Fanny's Bar, Grill, and Casino.

We've got the Aristocrats Club, the Arnada Cafe,

Bacchus Restaurant, Back Alley Night Club.

We just did the Big Apple Casino

There's the Boom Boom Room

The Boom Boom Room

That's that movie

Eddie Murphy

No not Eddie Murphy

Can we do like a residential

No I'm not sure

The Boom Boom Room

That's a nightclub actually

I don't do nightclubs

Because they never work out with me

Oh okay

It's like extremely loud in there

Yeah I'm trying

I'm thinking of staying away from those too

That's a problem but

I don't know

Alright we got another club here

What is that one

C. Urn Street

What's that

That doesn't sound like a person.

Just like Vegas Action, Las Vegas Casino.

No, the very bottom one.

Oh, that's in Hawaii.

I don't know what that is, though.

Yeah, I just got an address.

Wahia Wa, Wahia Wa, Hawaii.

There's some guy that answered in Hawaii at 9.52.

I don't have a name.

You want to try just calling him?

Sure.

Some guy in Hawaii?

Yeah, some guy in Hawaii, yeah.

Okay, I'm going to ask him if the toilet's flushed, please.

Okay, all right.

You watch much Simpsons?

No, but it just came out of my head.

Okay.

All right, well.

Let's see how this goes, Randy.

Yeah, hang on a second.

Randy, have you been telling people about PCU at all, the new stream?

We have, again, we have another stream, you know.

Yeah, I've been telling everybody to change their bookmarks.

All right, good.

Randy, when all your friends are going to call in.

Yeah.

All the girls.

Yeah.

Hey, Carlito.

Hey, Bookman.

Let me give a shout-out to Phaser9.

He's a new listener.

First time in tonight

He's joining us from Canada

And give him a hello

Hello Canada

Phaser?

Phaser 9

Phaser 9 in Canada

Thanks

What are the

Damn it

Canada

Phaser

It's the north of us

Yeah

Oh yeah

That's

Kind of something

Thanks

Alright anyway

A Richard Ahole

That's good right there

Oh yeah

Hey you got a Richard Ahole

You want to call that

Some old lady

Yeah where

Where

Do you know where

Rockford Illinois is

You're in Illinois

Oh yeah

I heard you

Yeah, I know where Rockford is.

She's in Rockford.

That's like near Chicago.

Okay, some old lady answer there, 955, Richard A. Hole.

Richard, middle initial A, last name Hole.

Oh, okay, there you go.

I'm bogarting, though.

All right, let's do that then.

All right, man.

So we're going to be right back, everybody, with Randy Dandy's a guest call.

It's 958, you're listening to the Night Out.

Okay.

Hey, how you doing?

Hello.

Yes?

Is Richard there?

Who's calling?

This will be Jonathan.

Who?

Jonathan.

I want to talk to him. I want to talk to him about the hurricane.

You want to talk to Richard about the hurricane?

Yes, it's been a bad, tragic thing that's been going on.

My cousin is down there right now.

You can talk to him, but I'm sure he doesn't know anything about it here.

Hello?

There's been a very tragic thing that happened to John.

Richard?

Yes?

There's something that's very tragic that happened to John.

Who?

John. John was down there.

I don't know. Who do you mean by John?

I don't know any Don.

What do you mean you don't know John?

He was a good friend of yours.

What's his name?

He was down in Louisiana, and his condo got hit by the hurricane.

Say, I don't know any Don down there.

His name is John.

John what?

Luke.

What?

I don't know such a man at all.

You need a hearing aid.

What?

Did anybody ever tell you that you need a hearing aid?

No, as a matter of fact, not, but I don't know anybody by that name at all.

I sure do, and I can't believe you don't remember him.

Don't remember him?

Don't know him at all?

Do you have the Alzheimer's?

Oh, my God.

Goodbye.

Have a nice day.

Stay.

You need to take some Tylenol for that headache, boy.

Yeah.

Well, Randy, what are your thoughts on what you just did to that guy?

That guy was a faggot.

We should spread his name around.

You should write, I'm going to write his name on bathroom walls.

I think he was fondling himself during that.

But I was trying to get it started by saying he has Alzheimer's.

He doesn't care.

He's one of those old people that's going to die soon.

I understand.

You know, I was thinking I should give him a call later on

and just try to tell him that I'm from a fundraiser.

You know, I shouldn't make fun of the hurricane.

I should not invoke the tragedy in Louisiana with prank calls.

Randy, how do you feel on that?

Do you think it would be wrong for me to do that?

I wouldn't act like a donation,

but I'd probably say something about how a good friend of mine

didn't let me call.

I would like to call as a member of the Klan

and say that I'm taking donations for Klan members

I was going to call somebody in the KKK and ask if they wanted to donate to the United Negro Fund.

I'm not going to.

It'd be so funny.

Like a wannabe Daniel Carver or something like that, I could do that.

Anyway, well, hey, Randy, you have yourself a good night. Thank you for calling.

Okay. Later, man.

All right, man. It's always good to talk to you. Later, man.

Bye.

Take it easy. Peace out, man.

All right. Milkman.

Yeah, man.

What do you think about that idea, calling, asking for a donation as a Klan?

If he's going to do it as a Republican.

But I really just kind of feel like they've really had a tough time.

So, you know, if they even manage an answer or phone, we better be good.

Well, no, I wouldn't call Mississippi.

I'd call somewhere else, but I'd say that I'm...

Oh, yeah.

I'd call, like, Detroit or something.

Tell them you're going to give me a Republican Hurricane Relief Fund.

The Hurricane Relief Fund.

Right.

Yeah, no, no.

I'll do the Klan.

I'll say I'm straight up from the Klan.

No one's going to buy that.

They'll be appalled.

If I could get a black person to pick up and say that.

Yeah, with some rednecks down here, we'd like to have some money.

Because they're not getting a chance to do all the looting that inner city pulled from.

Where are the rednecks now?

They should be headed down to Louisiana with their shotguns.

Well, the thing is, they're the ones who stay in their homes and die.

Oh, yeah, they all drown.

Yeah.

They're just laying there in the middle of the highway, what's left of it, and starving.

of them to death. Babies and everything.

It's really sad. It is a horrible

scene, yeah. Let's not make fun

of the situation, but... Nah,

I got a lot of empathy

for them. It looks like another country, though.

Like, I've never seen any part of America

look like that. Like, if there were to be a

race war, I would imagine it like what New Orleans

looks like right now. It's just...

That's what they're shooting for, food and tennis shoes.

Food and tennis shoes? Well, I don't know.

What are they supposed to do with the

widescreen TVs and HDTVs and stuff that they're

stealing? I mean...

Well, Air Jordan's always better than Walmart.

They're not messing with that.

They're just trying to get some food for their babies, diapers, and tennis shoes

because there's all the debris in the street.

Oh, I thought it was because they, like, they dunk.

Yeah.

And Walmart is not giving anything away, and that's why they're having so much problems.

Yeah, fuck Walmart, man.

Walmart can kiss my fucking ass.

Walmart should just open up and say, you know, anybody who needs anything except for guns.

See, that's the whole fucking thing.

You let Walmart have guns, and look what's happening now.

You've got gangs of armed men roaming the streets of New Orleans.

What's left of it?

I don't know.

Hello, thank you for calling Walmart.

How may I help?

Hey, we got a call that just came in from Walmart.

Yeah?

Really?

Do we not?

You better stop talking shit or we'll kill you.

Walmart's, yeah.

You know everything.

Walmart's, don't play.

We just bought the internet.

Walmart's, they just coined the internet.

Oh, man.

Yeah, I should call a Walmart and ask to talk to one of the greeters.

Like, can I talk to the greeter, please?

I need to talk to the greeter.

I wonder if they'll let the greeter come back from greeting duties.

Hey, I'll tell you what.

Those ones in Hawaii we was calling a while back, I mean, they are lucrative.

They are hilarious.

They're so friendly.

Really?

In Hawaii?

Walmart in Hawaii?

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

Yeah, there's Walmarts in Hawaii, and I mean, they are great.

They stay on for hours.

I need to get a Walmart in Hawaii, man.

I definitely need to do that.

You got a chance to jump online and find me a phone number for a Walmart in Honolulu or something?

Yeah, I'm not sure what city it is, but it's definitely there.

All right.

I'm going to see if I can scrape one out.

Okay, well, let me take this car real quick while you do that, all right?

You're on the madhouse.

Yes, I am.

Yes, this is.

How can we help you, sir?

I need your make and model of vehicle, please.

I have a Ford Contour 96.

96?

We don't cover a 96 Contour.

That's a piece of shit car, man.

Excuse me?

I said, that's a piece of shit car.

We don't cover that.

I have AAA.

Is this AAA?

Yeah, this is AAA.

It's called AAA.

Yeah, right?

You call 1-800-AAA-AAA-A?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, that's me.

Does your car have rims on it?

They don't say piece of shit car at AAA.

Does your car have rims on it?

At AAA, we only cover cars that are the hot shit.

Yeah, that's it.

That's this AAA.

The AAA you're calling out, we only deal with nice platinum cars.

They have to be expensive.

Do you have a manager?

Uh, well, we're all managers here, actually.

It's a manager convention tonight.

Did you just place and call my car a piece of shit?

Yeah, it is definitely a piece of shit.

Ford Contour.

Ford Contour's a piece of shit?

A 96?

Am I calling the right number?

96 is a bad year, too.

96 is a horrible year for cars.

What would you buy a 96?

Hello?

The worst year for cars in the 90s was a 96.

My Monjo is a 96 Corolla.

It's a piece of shit.

Yo.

Can you please come and get this car?

There's no way that I'm going to send someone to pick up that piece of shit car.

Our tow trucks will look very gay.

Oh, my God.

Very, yeah.

We can start, if we start looking gay out there, the competition.

Yeah, there'd be a revolt.

It'd look like New Orleans again.

It'd be horrible.

Can you imagine the damage to the society if AAA were to go down and pick up a Ford Contour?

A Ford Contour.

No one would take this seriously anymore.

What the hell?

I think Zola really drives a Ford Contour.

Zolar man

Call back

Don't be angry like that man

We should have asked him

If he's willing to perform

Sexual duties for

You know

A towing freak

I should have

Yeah

Hell yeah man

We got Bubba over here

From Deliverance

And he'll help you out

I think

Honestly I think that was

I think that was Zolar

I'm pretty sure it was

I think I recognize the number

So hopefully

He just got disconnected

I really hope

He doesn't drive a Ford Contra

Because that's

By no means

Do I mean to offend him

I can't imagine

I don't think he has a car, even.

I don't know.

I'm not going to say anything bad about it.

Yeah, that's right.

I do have a car.

I don't have air conditioning anymore in my car.

That fucking sucks, because I'm addicted to AC.

It's like 70 degrees in here right now.

He was telling me about Big Pimping around in his BMW up there in New York.

That's hard to tell.

That's a damn Nazi car, man.

He's half Jewish, isn't he?

Yeah, half Jewish.

Crazy.

Anyway, Zor, give him a call back.

All right, let me get the toll free.

I'm making so much noise out here.

The toll free line is 888-278-8509.

Once again, toll-free, 888-278-8509.

I'm getting something, an instant message here.

Atomic Farm is reaching me via MSN.

Yeah, you can call me from Canada, but your call will be shorter

because it's going to cost me a lot more than the United States.

And it will also be monitored.

Is that phaser?

By both governments.

I'm not sure.

He's on MSN.

I don't know.

I can't imagine anyone else.

If it's phaser, take his call.

Oh, I will, yeah.

Yeah, I just can't talk forever, because that shit, I don't make that much.

Is that a triple A?

Fucking hell, if it was me, why'd you make me go through all that shit?

Hey, man, you drive a Ford Contra, don't you?

Actually, I do. I don't think it was a 96, though. I think it was even less than that.

Oh, well, you're all right, then.

That was back when it was 91, I think, I had the car.

I crashed it into the Verrazano Bridge one night.

The Verrazano Bridge?

Yeah, it's the largest in the

world, you know.

Oh, I think I saw that on History Channel or something at some point.

Mega-struck.

There you go.

And how gay are you?

Well, a gay magazine rated the Ford Contra as the most gay-friendly car of 1996.

You didn't know that?

I felt very happy when I was driving it.

Well, that's where you're getting all the looks over.

I'm just playing with you, man.

So what's good, man?

Oh, I know.

I was calling to yell at you because you didn't thank me for having the password to kick the stream.

Oh, that's right.

Well, I found that at the same time you did, but I thank you very much.

Well, I had to get on really quickly, but I appreciate your help.

You always come through, Zola.

Very good of you.

Yeah, you don't know that because I took that message from KDK

and I downloaded it into a computer.

I didn't even realize where I had it.

It's like I was under, I don't get it, I'm an asshole, and I found it.

And I felt really accomplished, and I was waiting for the show to come on,

and you never mentioned me.

No, I didn't mean to say that.

I'm sorry.

Everybody, I would like to thank Zolar for coming through.

Hey, give him a big shout-out, Zolar.

Zolar, he sounds like he's in...

He could get my ass killed out there if I was in New York.

Yeah, I tried to hook Milkman up via the, you know,

whatever that is, Gizmo shit that he's using there.

Yeah.

And I couldn't do it last week with Crankmaster.

Really?

I thought you guys had it working.

I don't know.

Milkman tells me it worked.

Tell him it's working now.

He was going to call into my show that we would call somebody and make believe we were trying to get random opinions on his guitar playing and then he would start to play the guitar as beautifully as he does and then he would sing some lyrics that would lead into very disgusting lyrics and you can see what the pun has to say about that.

That sounds really cool, actually.

You can't hear him, Zolar, but Milkman says it's working.

It's just that he's having technical difficulties on his end, but they're fixed now.

Oh, I was going to suggest that you do that, and it would sound really cool, too.

So I wanted to hear you and Milkman do that, but I guess that's not an option, right?

Well, Milkman, he can definitely do it.

Yeah, he's here.

Yeah, he's on here.

You can't hear him, but I can definitely patch him through.

I didn't know Milkman was on.

You've got to get it so he can patch me.

What about the choir that we're going to ask the opinion of and he gets into explicit lyrics, they won't be able to hear him either then, right?

Oh, no, they'll definitely hear him through Gizmo, yeah.

The way I set it up, they'll hear him through Gizmo.

Well, if they can hear him, then Zolar would be able to hear him right now, right?

I'm thinking, no.

All right, well, anyway, try this number when we get a chance to.

Yeah, what's it called?

One, seven, eight.

Yeah.

Seven, I have all that number and I got this creepy sounding voice thing and, I mean, it was a person, but it was really creepy.

Oh, really?

So 7509 is a creepy person?

Yeah, and I didn't know if it was a young child that was, you know,

very educated and able to hold a conversation or somebody who was a midget.

I couldn't figure it out.

Really?

Oh, that sounds cool.

I'm going to have to call that.

Oh, yeah.

I'll be listening, okay?

Yeah, all right.

We'll do that.

Hey, boy, you got to go take a shit or something, Zolar?

No, no, I want to leave you to your show, and I don't want to do it, you know, or that.

Yeah, well, no, no, definitely plug your show.

You're on tomorrow night at 10, right, here on PC.

Thank you.

See, I'm not calling just for shameless plugs,

but now that you've mentioned it,

pretty genuine,

ZolaireVision will be at 10 p.m.

There will be nudity and full streaming video.

Yeah, full streaming video.

Yeah, baby.

Wow, man, full streaming.

Nudity, too?

You promised nudity this time, right?

I'm sorry, say again?

You're promising nudity this time for sure, right?

Oh, yes, I guarantee,

even if I have to get naked myself.

Tell Pintmaster he better put on his bikini underwear.

All right, try to call that number,

and I want to hear what happens.

All right, man.

All right, well, hey,

I'll be looking forward to

Checking you out tomorrow

Thank you very much

For calling us always

Thank you

Alright

Later Zolar

We'll catch you later bro

Later milkman

Later everybody

Later big

Alright

That's um

That was uh

Zolar from

Howard Stern fame

Anyway

Um

Anyway

This is uh

I did the wrong applause

Look I already got wall marks

You're so white

You can't even clap to the beat

Andy have you ever danced before?

No

I don't really

I don't do that

No, I don't dance either.

I've danced more than you probably in my life.

Anyway, yeah, I've got a few Walmarts in Hawaii.

There's three in one town.

Well, yeah.

I was the same one.

The Vision Center, the photographer, and the optometrist.

Huh.

And a woman answered at 10.09 p.m.

10.09 p.m.

Right now it is...

In Hawaii.

Let me update myself.

It's 4.13 p.m. right now in Hawaii.

Oh, that's definitely right.

That's confirmed right there, sir.

Because Detroit is 10.13 right now.

Let's give a check out to that number Noonoo called in before they go to sleep.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Noonoo's in the British Isles.

Hang on.

Let's do Noonoo's call.

You're right.

Good call, Milkman.

Let's see.

That's what I got Milkman on.

You got somebody wanting to join us in a Gizmo conference, too.

Oh, yeah?

Okay.

All right.

Well, we'll definitely.

Who's that?

Is that Fazer is going to join us?

Yeah.

All right, cool.

Yeah, we'll definitely try that.

We'll definitely have to give it a try.

Working on good things here.

I'm going to do one more call before I take a break.

I'm not going to last here very much longer before my next break.

Damn it, man.

All right, so new news number.

Let me get that over here.

You sent that to me, right?

Yeah.

All right.

Hang on here.

You need it again?

I got it.

The first one, let me...

Gosh, oh, no.

Damn it.

Lost it.

Expand it.

All right, cool.

John Calvert, right?

Is that what you're talking about?

That's the one.

All right, so it's confirmed.

Let's see.

Blah, blah, blah.

What the hell?

All you need to tell him is that you think evolution is a load of shit.

All right, man.

Revolution shit.

Okay, what's...

Hey, John Cobb, revolution shit.

That's Noonoo's idea.

He wants us to work one in on him.

Okay, so what?

Is he against evolution?

Is that what it is?

Yeah, he's a religious nut,

and he's trying to push all that religious agenda,

and you know how they've been doing.

Okay.

He'll be easy to crawl into a phone.

You want to do a pre-interview.

Yeah, I'm going to tell him

I'm going to put him on

Christian Science Monitor Radio.

You're doing a pre-interview.

Okay.

Yeah, definitely, definitely got to do that.

Hell yeah.

We've got some Walmart numbers coming in.

Oh, you do?

All right, yeah.

I want to call a greeter in a Hawaiian Walmart.

That would be great.

Okay.

We'll get Nunu, man.

Hell yeah.

All right, let's hook Nunu up real quick here.

All right.

So we're going to do this call here to some religious nut named John Calvert.

Let's see what happens with this.

Everybody, we'll be right back in just a moment.

It's 1018 on the Madhouse.

Los Angeles Approach Control, this is Cessna 0281 Echo 119.3.

Over.

Lost my Bible.

My Bible is possessed.

us. I sat down on it. I lost my Bible. I sat down on it and I can't find it. Well, I guess

they do go to sleep early. I'm sorry, Nunez, man. You're going to have to wait until next

week. We'll do that at the very beginning of the show at 9.15. I'll save the text. Yeah,

exactly. Yeah, well, I've got it. I save everything that everybody says to me. I copy this one

on file with all the numbers i've called i'll make notes of what night i called them if i had

someone on the line how the call hey and we got several walmart's lined up for hawaii later too

yeah yeah we got a good night yeah yeah um lonesome has uh sent me a bunch of walmart

numbers in hawaii thank you as always he always comes through with good stuff yeah baby yeah and

he confirms too so he's he's the preferred he's the preferred provider for numbers for the

The Madhouse is definitely...

He's definitely got some frequent flyer miles here.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

All right.

All right, well, look, I'm going to have to take a break because I really need to get

some water.

I'm parched and I've got to use the restroom, so...

Milk, why don't you go ahead and go get a beer or whatever you need to do.

And we'll be right back after this, everybody.

You're listening to The Madhouse.

It's 10.23 p.m.

Fuck your life.

I'm going to say y'all.

The Madhouse will be back right after this.

Nigga.

Nigga, fuck my life.

What's up, everybody?

You're back on the...

I don't need to be talking to you.

What's up, everybody?

You're listening to the Madhouse.

It's now 1032 Eastern.

Giving out some more information real quick.

The toll-free number to call in is 888-278-8509.

Once again, that's 1-888-278-8509.

Milkman, are you there?

Yeah, baby, we're here, man.

My milk got shook up.

The razor did it.

The razor?

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, it's too bad I couldn't get through to the evolutionist guy because prospectable?

Prospectable?

Yeah, there it was.

That was a good prospect.

Next time we'll try and hack his machine.

Yeah, well, we'll try to call him next week for sure early in the show so Nunu can check that out because he's in London.

Yeah, we'll push him in that way.

Yeah, it's late for Nunu.

He'll get in trouble.

I've got Zolar gave me, he told me the phone number that's one digit off our toll-free line is somebody creepy who picked up a little bit ago.

go so i'm going to try to give him a call coming up here also got some walmarts in hawaii that i

want to call um they've come through from uh lonesome lonesome loser in the chat room yeah

baby yeah speaking of the chat room if you're listening to the show uh there's plenty of room

for you to join in the chat uh there's quite a few number of people in there right now chatting

up talking about the show giving suggestions telling me that my break was too long and

and things like that.

Thank you for that.

You want to go to kdkprankcalls.com.

Once again, that's kdkprankcalls.com.

You can check out the PCU homepage for now

until we get pcuradio.com running again.

You want to go ahead and go there.

What was this now?

No, what was this?

Okay.

People jammed against...

This is in New Orleans here at the Superdome.

People jammed against police barricades in the rain.

Pets were not allowed on the bus.

I guess someone's trying to, what, someone's trying to make it with a dog?

Snowball, yeah.

Okay, so pets were not allowed on the bus.

When a police officer confiscated a little boy's dog,

the child cried until he vomited, saying snowball, snowball, snowball, he cried.

Oh, that's so funny.

Oh, my God.

Why'd you read that?

That's awful.

No, I mean, you said that as well.

I don't know, you pointed it out a second ago.

Yeah, it was funny when I pointed it out that you just, like, you off the air,

Hey, we're going to have to do a tribute call.

Give him a Taps for Snowball.

Taps.

And all our friends down in Louisiana.

Let me hook up my...

I got my custom Taps that I made.

I mixed a bunch of sounds.

Yeah, baby.

But I have a dog.

I wouldn't leave him.

My dog is Captain America.

I would take him with.

Yeah, but you can't...

I have a famous internet cat.

They're not going to put your dog on a bus, man.

Not yours.

You got a Rottweiler, man.

No, I don't have a Rottweiler.

You got a Pitbull.

I have a Pitbull.

I was confusing...

My dog could be bus security

to make sure no other animals got on.

Yeah, right.

We'll probably bring dysentery with him and stuff.

Anyway, this is for Snowball.

No, it's our turn.

Sorry, Snowball.

You got some vomit?

Is someone vomiting, too?

You look like you're vomiting.

No, I don't have vomiting.

Snowball, we dedicate this moment to you

and all of our wonderful friends down in Louisiana

who have suffered.

That's true.

We will miss you, but you're in our hearts.

Well, it's not over yet.

I'm very sad.

I don't know how many people could end up.

I think it'll be definitely the toll count, I think, will reach 9-11 for sure.

I mean, what was 9-11, like 2,500 something?

Like 1,200 or something.

I think it was 1,200 in the Trade Center.

Yeah, there was a lot.

It's in the thousands for sure.

But the really sad thing is that this could have been prevented, this tragedy.

I mean, once it's going to start getting out, common knowledge,

they did not have enough funding from the government to finish building the dike walls.

and that's why they fell apart.

And they blamed that on the war in Iraq

and also the lack of National Guards.

National Guardsmen were able to respond.

They've had to kind of gather them together first

because everyone's all dispersed.

I mean, you've got the Louisiana National Guard

that's coming back now and next weekend.

They're coming back to this.

You know what I mean?

It's going to be horrible.

Yeah.

Those guys are just sitting over there

with their speeches, I'm sure,

looking at TV, family, homes,

you know, disappearing.

They're sitting there, you know,

playing our army.

Yeah, right on.

Well, it's a sad situation

and I would love to say anybody who can donate, please do.

If a little bit helps, I guess what, Red Cross probably works out.

There's a website out.

I don't know.

I'll try to find it.

I'll post it on my page for people.

It's like you can donate with PayPal.

And, I mean, they're encouraging people who just want to donate a dollar, two, five dollars or something.

Just if they get enough of them, at least they can give something together, one big website.

I got a couple bookmarks from last night from Katie Kay's show.

Pictures and everything, it is just, like, incredible.

Yeah, it is, yeah.

This is going to be a lot of stuff.

It's like a bomb blast.

Yeah, it's horrible, it's horrible.

All right.

Well, let's not focus too much on that.

Let's try to do it, because everybody, I'm sure, has been watching the news and everything.

We want to get to something a little bit more lighthearted.

So let's just play this real quick.

That's it.

Much better.

Okay, we're done with it.

All right, so let's try.

You know, in a week, you know, Denise is going to be like, everything is fine.

Anyway, you know what I mean?

No one's going to care anymore.

As soon as, you know, I don't know.

Anyway, let's not get angry at the current situation.

All right, we're ready to turn to Richard Ahole.

What do you think your milkman or handy?

Give me a chance.

Do you want to call the Walmart, call Zolar's number, or?

Let's call Zolar's number.

We'll have the madhouse call the spook house and see what happens.

Spook house.

Because Hawaii's going to be up for a long time.

It's only 1030 here.

Yeah, we've got plenty of time to fuck with Hawaii.

All right, let me give a.

That'll be our dessert.

Yeah, yeah, true.

All right, well, I'm going to go ahead and give a call then to, who is this now?

It's

I'm going to give it

The number before I call

Because someone will be

Messing with them

But it's one digit

Off our toll free line here

888-278-8509

Is my number

This one is a different one

So I'm going to give that

A call now

And we're not going to

Tell you which digit

Yeah exactly

We'll tell you maybe

Afterwards if they're

Assholes or something

And I'll be right back

With you all

Hang on

You're listening to

The Madhouse

It is now 1038

Oh baby

Sorry you have

Entered an invalid

Phone number

What I can't use

Oh I guess I can't

Call a toll free number

Damn

You would just have to

Can you just call it

Like with the phone

Without using the card

You know what I can do

I can use Gizmo

For sure

Let's go ahead and use Gizmo

Alright

Wait you did it wrong

You did it wrong

Look

Yeah I'm good

Hang on

This is like a word processor

I'm not

Oh man

You know if I do this

I'll have to disconnect with Milkman

Milkman

You there

Hey we can come back on a conference

Uh yeah

I guess so

I'd have to disconnect with you though

Alright hang on hang on

Milkman, I'll call you right back, okay?

All right, Rick.

All right, thanks.

Bye, Milkman.

Later, Milk.

Yeah, we'll be right back with Milkman.

Should be really easy to get him back on.

I like this program here.

I'm still messing with this.

Is this the way the conference call people and everything?

That'd be awesome.

All right, let's try this now.

That's me.

Why would I call myself?

Hello, 75.

How you doing there?

Ma'am?

Yes?

Hey, look, I've been receiving some harassing phone calls from this number.

What is Milkman that you're talking about?

I've been receiving very harassing phone calls from this number here.

Some asshole named Carlito.

What's the big deal?

From who?

Some asshole named Carlito calling from this number,

making harassing phone calls to my wife.

I don't know.

Why don't you put that kid on the phone who's been calling me?

Go ahead and get in front and put him on, all right?

Okay.

Hurry up.

She's taking her time.

Is she hanging up?

I don't know.

Are you sure?

I never know.

I've been receiving harassing phone calls from this number.

Put your son on the phone now.

Put your son on the phone right now.

Excuse me, who are you?

I have been receiving harassing phone calls from your number,

and I don't appreciate it.

My wife is pregnant, and she could go into labor any second.

How dare you call her and upset her like that?

Okay, I'm very sorry.

Some punk kid over there is calling over here,

talking about he's Carlito.

My son is not a punk kid.

Yeah, oh yeah, your son is a punk kid.

He's a punk little bastard is what he is.

Hello.

Oh, damn you.

Now she hung up on me.

My son's not a punk kid.

He's a good kid.

Yeah.

My son is very beautiful.

Fuck her son, man.

Her son ain't shit.

Bitch.

I had her thinking that.

I don't know if she had a son.

I didn't hear a boy.

That was a girl that answered, right?

It was all I said.

It was a boy.

Yeah, we wanted to talk to him.

Yeah, yeah.

Milkman, come on.

Answer the phone.

Trying to get Milkman back on the satellite.

Bastard.

Milkman was messing my things up.

Damn Milkman.

Damn him to hell.

That sounds like him.

I've done it before, though.

I don't know.

All right, well.

Let me restart Gizmo.

That sometimes helps.

Well, sometimes you gotta...

This is still in, like, a beta...

Not beta stage, but it's still, like, a young piece of software, so...

It's still got bugs in it.

They have, like, an update every week for this program, so...

Anyway, trying to get Milkman back on the line here.

Yeah, see, that's probably what it took as an upgrade.

I can't do that now.

Shit.

Probably came out tonight.

Damn it, man.

What does that mean?

Eh, it's just...

I don't know.

Things get funny if I don't have the right version.

Yeah, see?

Milkman probably already upgraded.

Yeah, because he thinks he's better than everybody else.

Actually, he says Milkman's on phone.

He's on still.

Hey!

Yeah, Milkman, you've got to disconnect from what you're doing.

That's it.

Milkman, when you get a chance, disconnect.

Anyway, we're losing control here, guys.

I'm sorry.

Let me start paying attention here.

We're going to call a Walmart and call them.

Oh, I see.

He wants me to call them on that.

Let me see what's going on.

Hang on.

We're going to do that, Milkman.

Just one second, everybody.

Bear with me.

We're trying to get things going once again.

Oh, they're calling.

What's up?

Hey, what's happening?

What's up, Milkman?

Who you got there?

All right, can you hear me now?

Yeah, you're coming in good.

Yeah, we hear you.

All good.

Fantastic.

We just got a little party here we added on

Party room, everybody step on over

In the party room here

The conference room

We got one of our new listeners on tonight

His name's Phaser

Say hi to Phaser, PCU

Hey, Phaser

Yeah, how you doing?

Phaser, so Canada, huh?

Yeah, I don't live in

What? You don't live in

Igloo?

Yeah, what's wrong with this?

I don't know

We're too far away.

He lives in an igloo.

I don't know.

Do you have a beaver hat?

These guys are pretty cool.

You don't want a cold power.

Be careful.

What were you guys talking about before you came back on?

Yeah.

What was that all about?

Can you just update us a little?

Tell Mama Pager to not sit on the ice block.

On the ice block.

Look, man, I like how you're just hosting a party without me in the name of the madhouse.

That's very disrespectful.

No.

That's why you're here, man.

This right here is the party.

All right.

This is for all of us, man.

All right.

You're the man.

Yes, that's right.

How can we have a party in the madhouse without you?

You're the leader.

Yeah, I'm the fearless leader.

I'm the leader of nothing.

Leader of the free world.

My listeners are up.

Hey, look, I need to start making calls.

People get mad.

You know how they got last week.

They got all pissed off.

Hey, call some of those numbers that Peep sent.

He just sent a fleet of them.

You need them back?

Yeah, I got them.

I got them.

He sent me a fleet of, whatchamacallit, he sent me a fleet of Walmarts.

Yeah, and before that, there was a ton of them he sent.

Yeah, I got those.

Lumpy ass.

Lumpy ass?

Where?

Lance and Paige, lumpy ass.

Lumpy ass.

Oh, lumpy ass.

Lumpy ass.

And pick me.

Dick D. Crab.

An old guy answered.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

All right, let me go.

Come here.

Yeah, let me call Walmart.

I'm going to call Walmart first.

Man, man.

No, man.

Come on now.

You're going crazy over there, kid.

God dang it.

Okay.

Let me call Walmart in Hawaii here.

And nothing in Hollywood.

What is this?

A girl answered?

No, no, no.

Usually, like, girls, they'll sit on the phone a long time, like, the young girls.

Yeah, they got nothing to do with it.

They're used to, like, you know, immaturity.

Yeah, just try and BS them, and they'll stay on.

I was on several calls with those.

Okay.

Just kind of friendly BS, you know.

Okay.

And they'll stay on as long as you don't be rude.

How's Walmart?

All right.

All right, hang on, Milkman.

Everybody else, you're going to be back with another call in just a moment.

What kind of fishing rods do you have?

To answer.

Hello, Mike.

I love the next casino.

How can I help you?

Look and it shall be done.

Hello?

Yes, ask for and it shall be done, my child, huh?

Don't you think?

What do you say about that?

I'm sorry, can you hear me there?

Hello?

Yes, hello?

Yes.

Don't play.

Hey, look and it shall be done.

I can't hear you.

I need to speak to the greeter.

Hello?

I can't hear you.

Hello?

Can I speak to the goddamn greeter?

The greeter?

Yes, please.

What do you mean?

What time is it?

It's like 5 o'clock.

Yeah, he went home.

Well, I need to talk to somebody in the greeting department.

Is layaway still open?

It's dead.

Okay, well, let's try the service desk.

Okay, I'm going to have to re-

You're going to have to re-call me on the phone.

You have my number.

This is a different number.

Please, no, please.

I don't want to have to hang up, please.

This is my last quarter.

Please, can you transfer me, please?

My phone won't be able to transfer you.

That's just it.

Can you have someone come over and talk to me, please?

I don't have any more money.

Thank you, sir.

I don't have any more money.

Can you please transfer me or have someone come over real quick?

Thank you.

We'd like to see you.

Thank you.

What are you going to say?

I don't know.

What was I going to do?

Like, I'll ask them if they sell the new Saint and Bible.

Hello.

Hello, ma'am.

Look, I really just need to talk to somebody associated with Walmart.

It's my last quarter.

This is an associate.

This is Walmart you call.

Oh, this is the automotive department of Walmart.

Oh, you're in the automotive department.

Oh, no, yeah, I needed to talk to you the whole time.

Okay.

How much is a check mark?

Look, I need an item.

Can you give me a price check on this item, please?

Okay, what item are you looking for?

I have the item number.

Dipstick.

Okay.

Okay, are you ready to write it down?

Okay, I'm going to read it to you right now.

Are you ready?

Mm-hmm.

All right.

A-X-1-2-5-1-3-A-X-1-2-5

Okay, that's not an item number.

That is a serial number.

Okay.

Yeah, that's a serial number.

That's what you asked for.

Okay, I won't be able to look it up through a serial number

unless you have a receipt that you can give me the UPC from.

Yeah, can I get the receipt?

Yeah.

Give me the UPC.

It should say right there on the...

What kind are you looking for?

That's the UPC.

On the UPC itself?

Yes.

Okay.

Let's see.

It's 01839423.

Okay.

That's 01839423?

Yeah.

Yes, that's right.

Can you just describe the number?

Can you tell me what kind of number?

Look, I have it here.

It's the longer number, right?

Yes.

Okay.

You ready?

I'll try it.

Okay.

It's 833177001002.

Do I have to give you the small numbers on the left and right?

From the beginning of the number, okay, from the beginning of the UPC,

we'll have either a 1-0, 2-0, or 3-0s in it.

The beginning, no.

It's going to be the number right after it says what the item is,

and then it's going to have the UPC.

No, I'm looking at the package of the item.

You know what I mean?

The UPC code, the barcode

That's what I'm trying to give you

Okay, but that's what it says on the barcode

Yes, look, Mr. Murphy needs this price as soon as possible

Do I start?

You know the barcode, you have the small number at the beginning?

Yes

Do you need that number?

Yes

Okay, I'm going to read it to you again, alright?

Okay

833-177-001-002

You've got a timeline

You're going to get fired

Yeah

You're going to get fired if you don't fight it now

The boss is going to eat your ass.

The boss is going to eat my ass.

Get that part number now.

Get my part number now, bitch.

Hey, women.

Ma'am?

Hello?

Hello, please?

Mr. Murphy's going to get on the line and scream at me.

The object we need is round.

Does that help?

It's round and flared on the end.

It's shaped like your skull.

I think she's gone.

She's not even gone.

What a little helmet.

Well, no, this system, it'll tell me when it's done.

Like yo, the woman comes back and goes your co-host ended. She's probably flipping out can't get the number

I'm really good. I sent the number to you for powerade. She might be running it

Yeah, cause he's Arizona lemon ice tea mix

Tell her you got that you ordered oil and you got powerade. Yeah, why you calling right? This red shit is wrong

I'm gonna have to give up. She's taking too long. Yeah. Hello. Hello. Hello, ma'am. Hello, ma'am

Oh she's there

Hello ma'am

Yes I'm here hold on

Is it busy there ma'am

Hello

I'm here hold on I'm trying to find this item

Okay it's my last quarter

Murphy's gonna have my ass man

If I don't get this straightened out

Let's play some Tetris motherfucker

Is this still there

Yeah

So that's a lemon powder

Yes the lemon powder

The problem is that I put that where the transmission fluid goes, and I don't know what I'm going to do now.

It's Mr. Murphy's car. He's going to kill me.

What do I do? Do you have something I can put in there to fix it?

Can I have a refund?

Okay, I don't understand. You mean you put this on the transmission?

Yes, with the transmission.

Okay, hold on.

It's so laughing.

This is music.

We didn't have country in Hawaii.

Hello?

I'm lost.

We get out of the train.

There's got to be a way.

Tell her she owes you a new car.

Yeah, she didn't warn me.

Hey, look, I was talking to you, and you said it was okay.

Hello?

Okay.

I put it in, I mixed it up with McDonald's straw that I had,

and I put it inside where the transmission fluid goes.

Okay, you just broke the car.

Well, how bad?

How bad? You can't fix it unless they tear it apart.

You owe us a new one.

Yeah, you definitely owe us a new car. Mr. Murphy's going to kill me.

What was that?

You definitely owe me a new car. You owe me a 96 Contour, Ford Contour.

Well, I borrowed that in your vehicle. There's no way that we could have done that.

He bought it from the automotive section. It was in front of the transmission fluid.

Yep, yep.

You can't read.

It looked cheaper, it had Splendid in it, and I said, well, shit, I'll put it in instead of whatever this was.

What do I do? You've got to help me out. Can you fix this for me?

I mean, can I go down there and bring my car down?

Well, okay, who put the thing in your car?

Your technician.

Yeah, your technician did over there during the oil change.

A technician.

His name is Kimo.

Yeah, Kimo.

Or Kama.

Yeah, something.

Yeah, the guy, he's got the shoes, those shoes.

The hair and everything, the hat, not the hat, but the shirt, he had it on over there at the car area.

Yeah, definitely, he said, oh yeah, sure, whatever you say, boss.

He's all friendly, and look now, look what I found out now.

Oh, ma'am.

Man, he owes us a refund.

No, it was more than that.

That's good, man.

Kibo.

Yo, that Kibo.

What the fuck, man?

But he had a shirt that said Bud on it.

God, Walmart music sucks.

Blue Hawaii.

I should play Chinese music when you're on hold.

Well, at least you didn't call me an idiot.

Tiny bubbles.

Very understanding.

Yeah.

I'm going to ask you, can I just get an oil change and fix it all up?

Can I check your oil?

What's up, little man?

There you go.

No, that's what you're going to tell her.

Hey, you know what?

Yes, ma'am?

You can bring the car in.

And you're going to fix it.

You're going to fix it.

You're going to fix it yourself.

You're going to fix it.

Who's going to fix it?

You.

Who's this?

Well, look, all I know is Mr. Murphy's car is messed up.

I'm going to have to have a towed over there, and you're going to fix it piece by piece.

Ma'am, ma'am, how much for your cheapest five-pack of lighters?

This guy, please. I'm serious.

Manager Brian, can I help you?

Yeah, Brian, look.

Look, I'm not too happy here.

This douchebag you got working there put some crap in my transmission.

If you're going to refer to my associates that way, I'm going to have to hang up with you.

Don't you dare hang up.

You're going to roughen your problems.

That's all you're going to do.

Okay, I need to find out what's going on.

All right, well, this kid, whatever, this gentleman, he done put this lemon crap inside.

You know, I gave the woman the UPC.

She looks it up.

She says it's lemon powder.

What kind of stuff is that?

Okay, she may have wrote down the wrong UPC.

We don't know.

We obviously can tell it's lemon powder in your vehicle.

How about I give you the UPC right now?

You tell me what's going on.

Hello?

Yeah, how about I give you the UPC now?

Come on, what?

What, are you scared?

You know you guys messed up my car.

Hello?

You messed up my car.

Don't act like you can't hear me.

Hello?

Don't act like you can't hear me.

I lost the food.

Yeah, oh yeah, you're going to have to...

What the hell?

Hello, sir? Ma'am?

Yeah.

Hello?

My attorney's...

Hello? Hello? Hello?

Our attorney is Ironside.

I can hear you.

They just straight up fucking dropped the phone.

You can't hide, we hear you breathing.

Yeah, this phone card's almost dead.

Fifteen minutes already.

There's yellow powder all over the engine, it looks like.

Oh, it's freak.

Jesus, what are they getting now?

I'm just going up the chain at Walmart.

What the...

Oh, I should get the crickets for that.

You should talk a lot about Bubba a lot, Mook, man.

Well, that was a pretty good call.

That was good.

That was just fucking, it took too long.

Good mileage, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, no, when I edit that down, I'll edit those long breaks in the middle.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, write it out.

Yeah, hell yeah.

That'll be nice.

I'll definitely give that up to KDK so he can put that in the stream.

That was a good one, man.

Lemon powder, that was a good one.

That'd be a good UPC, you know, to come back with something funny.

Yeah, it took a long time to figure it out.

I'm going to start getting weird optimal shit.

It would be funny to have, like, a Trojan condom.

Exactly, just something completely nasty.

That's funny.

Anyway.

What are you doing, man?

What'd you drop?

You're burning my carpet, man.

That's a piece of chicken there on the floor.

I think so.

Is that still good?

Yeah.

It's a skin.

Oh, hell yeah.

Chicken skin is what I like.

All right.

Anyway, let me get back on track here.

Peepers, a.k.a. Lonesome Loser, is coming through with some numbers here.

I don't want to call another Walmart just yet.

He's an old Reggie.

There's probably a ton of stuff down there.

Yeah.

Media back.

Yeah, dude.

What's dangerous back there?

There's a lot of cables out here.

Dick D. Krabs.

It's called Dick D. Krabs.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

Madison?

Isn't it like the Christian Las Vegas or something like that?

Madison, Wisconsin is home of the Badgers.

The Badgers.

What is that, like the league?

The college, no.

Oh, really?

I don't know.

All right, anyway.

I think it's like the number one party town, so we should call it that.

I think it's the number one party college.

I think it's Madison.

Madison?

Madison, really?

Yeah.

Really?

Isn't Yakov smart enough over there or something like that?

Yeah, that's where he's from.

Yeah.

he's not from here

he's naturally from there

he acts

Madness dude

give me a call

that firewall

horse rides you

okay

hey

good timing man

that was great

let's give you a little

clap for that

very good

stop playing with

the sound effects guys

alright come on

we gotta do another call here

we're gonna call

that dude in Madison

Dick D. Krabs

oh my goodness

you're right over there

I'm not sure if she

has any butter sauce

butter sauce

that's sick

okay hang on guys

we'll be right back

with the next call

in the madhouse

It's now 11.07 Eastern, and you're listening to PCU Radio.

You can get up.

Yeah, Mr. Krabs?

Yes?

Good evening, Mr. Krabs.

Look, we have a shortage of crabs with the current situation in Louisiana,

and we'd like to purchase as many crabs as you have available.

We don't work out at all.

He's pretty crabby.

We got Nautica.

Nautica.

Black Beaver, that's right.

Nautica

That'd be great

I should call her Nautica

We'll call her

So you're

Aquatica

I'm Aquatica

Yeah

Nautica

Aquatica

This is Ralph Lauren

I'm Nautica

A black female escort

Six

Oh

220 pounds

Six foot

Brown

42D

38

In Atlanta

Wow

Ask her

You call her

Ask her

We can do

Holy shit

Black girl

Ann

Answered

Sounded very angry

Accused me of

Calling

Going in her house all the time, even though I hadn't called this number since March.

When we set up a date.

Yeah.

That's okay.

Lonesome.

I'm going to tell her I want her to go out with me, and we're going to go to the gym.

Ask her if we can do lines of coke after I ask her.

Yeah.

Well, we can do that.

I'll leave that to you.

That would be the one you get in the room to get her to hang out.

You have to do that one, because Athena wouldn't like that, bro.

She's like, no.

You can flirt all you want with Nautica.

I got a car, Nautica.

What's up, Nautica?

Good.

Plastic.

You're talking about dope, but that only has to do with either drugs,

helping people at my nun, doing nothing with no paraphernalia and drugs.

I do enough illegal stuff, and that's the only one I'm going to do.

I'd rather get caught up with pussy selling than selling weed and dope.

Hello.

Thank you, Mama.

Hello, Mama.

I don't see nothing beneficial except for me coming out and owning money like a fool.

I'm not asking, Mama.

Okay, well.

I'm trying to establish something, whatever, and God damn, you giving me no money?

I don't need half.

I get paid two halves an hour, five days a week. I don't need no money.

He's gonna get beat down. He's gonna beat her down.

You know, it's just really funny now. That nigga just fucked up on a real good ass relationship.

The only thing I ask that nigga to do is fuck.

And I know this is wrong. You ain't finna be like that.

Mama, that nigga right here won't fuck with a pussy.

I will talk to him when I motherfuckin' get to him.

Please, nobody else.

My baby's probably the only person I'm finna be with for a minute because

these niggas, that's the only nigga I know gonna be with me and take care of me and do what needs to be done.

I'm trying to get to my main thing.

Men like that, I just want to be cool with them.

Because, you know, I'm out to talk and just feel for an hour or two.

And that's what I don't want.

I don't want no niggas in my house.

I need y'all to tell me what it's not going to be.

If this includes niggas in my house, I'll tell you any of that.

Oh, niggas.

Baby, no more niggas.

We're all for niggas.

I can't help you.

You know that?

You don't do that, honey.

All right.

I don't want niggas in your house.

Get me some Kool-Aid.

It's about staying in my house.

I don't want anyone having it.

I want that two-bed now.

You got to tell out.

You got to let your family's out.

Let them tell out a two-bed.

I don't want nobody else in my house.

Can you stay in your car?

Yeah, well, what's up?

I'm trying to get some business, and you're up there all up on your business.

What happened?

Why are you calling me from block number?

I don't know a block number.

No, it's Huppers.

No, I did already, though.

You told me.

But I'm not going to leave.

Hey, I heard your whole conversation.

Don't make me call the police.

Yeah, you know what's up.

Yeah, I got you.

Oh, I'm so scared.

Whatever.

You wait a minute.

Look, bitch.

I'm talking to you, bitch.

I'm talking to you.

Yeah, what's up?

Who you talking to?

No, I got all these proofs.

I got all these proofs.

You talked about paraphernalia.

Paraphernalia?

You don't even know what's happening.

Yeah I do. Crackpot.

I know you're too fat to be on crack.

You're too fat to be on crack.

You're too fat. You're too fat.

You're too fat.

I don't care.

Call my brother.

Hey bitch.

I'm listening. I don't need to listen to you hoe.

I'm writing his name and everything.

No look. My brother.

My brother's a cop.

Stop, my brother stop, yeah, you're in big trouble, I'm gonna get that free dick suck, you're about to get that free dick suck, why wouldn't she not hang out with us?

Move out of this neighborhood, don't be hot.

She's not gonna hang out with us.

I heard she wanted to hang out with us.

I ain't never gonna hang out with you, you ain't gonna try to fuck up.

Yeah, I was like, how did I know you? I was like, where you know him from?

Yeah, exactly, she had to get out.

I was like, what the fuck?

Let's see how the battery dies.

I have to hang up here, this is not going down.

I wish she'd come back.

I'll call her back.

And if that nigga fucks with you, I'll kill him.

Just give me some damn Kool-Aid and shut your shit up.

Hey, Kool-Aid.

Oh, my battery's dead.

Yeah, the battery died.

Shit.

Oh.

I got a backup.

I am playing.

I'm ready right now.

We need to roll her back on.

She's so freaking wiped out.

She didn't even hang up.

That woman was insane, man.

That was...

She is loaded.

Holy shit.

I cannot wait to push her.

She said, where you gonna blackmail me on, huh?

Where you gonna blackmail me on?

You got blackmail me?

I got a paraphernalia.

Yeah, you don't know what I'm talking about.

You don't know what got a paraphernalia.

The man I went to truck with, it's too hot for him up in that hood.

My God.

He's giving me the cops phone numbers and stuff.

You call the cops?

I was a cop.

You want to lay on your couch and sit in your Kool-Aid?

Now shut your ass up and move it.

We got problems with the phone, I think.

Battery swap.

Yeah, the battery swap.

Well, it's got juice, but it's not finding the handset.

Stick it on the base.

Hit it on the face.

Hit it on the face?

Yeah, you gotta find it quicker.

Yeah, that's right.

You gotta do that.

I remember that from the hurricanes that hit here last year.

You had to do that.

You had to reset it.

I'll try.

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

Oh, the ring of fire.

There we go.

Now it's working.

Awesome.

I'm gonna hook that back up.

Last learn from the happen of last night.

I didn't know about having to reset that.

Thank you very much, Will, Ben, and Andy, for being out there.

Yes, I.

Let's try that out here.

Business.

All right.

Yeah, so that was a pretty good call.

I don't know what I stumbled into or something.

I wasn't afraid of something.

What I believe that was, you know, for, like, people who may not be part of the ghetto culture,

that was a pimp trying to explot.

He was giving her smooth questions.

He just reassures her.

It was classic, but she was very wise.

She was very wise.

I don't want no niggas up in here.

Yeah, she was very opinionated.

She didn't let him talk.

They were yelling over each other the whole time.

It was awesome.

And neither nobody took a shit, man.

That's insane.

They all know that.

She didn't bite for the fat.

I was giving her fat shit because she's 220 pounds, 6 foot.

That's not big.

What's up, my guy?

Never in bad proportions.

Is that pretty much?

Would you?

That's some good material.

Well, she's 6 foot.

She's taller than me.

Yeah, she's taller than me.

I'm 6 foot.

She's a better shape than you are.

Yeah, well, yeah.

Okay, fine.

All right.

I can't talk.

Thank you.

Now I feel bad.

DTT said ask her her fake job.

Yeah, that's what DTT's saying.

I say that's a good idea.

I'm definitely going to call her next week, though.

She sounds like she's about to blow up.

That one has to be, like, you got to put a little note in that.

That should be a recurring guest.

Yeah, it's the most definitely.

And, like, if we get her down to the Madhouse, you got her coming in.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, if we're up in Atlanta, I'll need to get her.

Yeah, I can say tell her whenever she goes.

They move around.

I don't know.

See if she'll turn over some blunts to you.

I understand they move.

Yeah, we got, we'll roll some good blunts.

Yep, yep.

And she'll come into the visit.

Perfectly.

Yeah, so.

Whatever.

She doesn't yell at us.

I wouldn't say anything to her.

I'd be so right.

Yeah, I know, right?

She's probably like

Stallis

Yeah exactly

Man that was a trip

That was hilarious man

We'll have her go to

Milkman's house

And then call in from there

Yeah exactly

Tell her she's getting

Virgin Islands vacation

You've ruined the trip

To the Virgin Islands

Welcome to the Virgin Islands

We got endless

Endless

Yeah

Well yeah

In the chat room

Yeah see

D-Loker

Yeah D-Loker

That's gotta be D-Lock

D-Lock

Yeah you missed the call

But I'll probably put that up tomorrow

Yeah you gotta

You gotta put that up

Yeah definitely gotta put that up

because that was crazy.

That was crazy.

And Prankmaster just joined the chat room.

Hey, everybody.

Welcome, Prankmaster.

Let me get a little clap at Prankmaster.

Welcome to the room.

Welcome, Prankmaster.

Do the show.

Hey.

All right.

That's enough of that.

Control our vision.

Well, we're still running strong.

I got to figure out who I'm going to call next.

Let's go to see.

Let's go to see to what I have.

I've already called Dick Krabs.

I offended him with the hurricane.

No, you didn't even ask about the hurricane.

That's in Louisiana.

Yeah, but I said we had shortage.

Yeah, he's probably, like, oh, how dare he?

Oh, someone from Green Bay.

Really?

He caught Bertha and Ronnie Pigeon.

Call them and see if they want to donate to the Brett Favre Mansion Rebuilding Fund.

Brett Favre played for the Packers, right?

Yeah, he plays for the Packers.

And then you, like, be like, Brett Favre lost four of his five BMWs.

Yeah, and we're trying to get him a new...

Three of his four palatial estates were destroyed in the hurricane.

Okay, all right.

How about the Boom Boom Boom nightclub?

Brett Favre's plantation was destroyed.

Half of Brett Favre's slaves

That's bad

That's horrible

Yeah, Prankmaster's in the house

Welcome, Prankmaster

Prankmaster

Oh, yeah, look

I haven't even given the AOL

My AIM

AOL Instant Messenger

Screen name here for the show

Is Madhouse Radio

Yeah

Madhouse Radio

Yahoo members

Yahoo Instant Messenger

You can reach me at

MadhousePCURadio

And MSN

I'm located at MadhousePCURadio at MCN at Hotmail.com.

God, what the hell.

MadhousePCURadio at Hotmail.com.

And Madhouse Radio for Google Talk.

If you have Google Talk, I'm up on Google as well.

It's very nice software.

Milkman, what do you think about Google Talk yourself?

Have you been using it much?

Milkman.

Yeah, I've been using it.

I like it.

It's pretty good.

It's not quite as good as what we've got here.

The Gizmo is far superior.

Laser, you're still there with us, right?

Phaser.

Laser.

Hey, don't call me Laser.

I'm not a faggot laser, man.

I'm a phaser.

Phasers are cool.

They go.

Phaser cold.

Where would you rather be?

Phaser's not on stunts.

Phaser's on nine, dude.

Oh, man.

Wow.

That's probably the...

Beam me up.

Look, man.

Got him.

Aye, Captain.

All right.

Now, you nerds over there have fun while I try to get the next call on here.

Yeah, baby.

All right, now I'm going to call this McDonald's.

Oh, that's a different,

I'm not going to call this Walmart again.

Oh, no, wait, we're calling Bertha and Ronnie Pigeon, right?

Okay, all right,

so I'm going to call Bertha and Ronnie Pigeon.

Call McDonald's, ask for a pizza.

No.

How long do we get a pizza with pepperoni on it?

You fuckers.

They're tacos.

We got you.

Taco.

Anyway, all right, yeah,

let me get the pigeons on the line in Green Bay,

and this one goes out to Brett Favre.

Alright it's 11.24

You're listening to The Madhouse

We'll be right back with the next call

We have some breaking news from the internet now

With that news story is

Andy

On the crawl we see that

Fat Domino

Was found alive

Another nearly dead fat man

You would think if anyone would have died

It would have been fast

I imagine he had a lot more life

A lot of people probably died for Fat Domino

Fats Domino

He just floated

That's terrible

You would think of anybody

Fats Domino would be the first to drown

Once again the bunny of power

Okay so Pregmaster's doing something here

Tell him Angelo he always calls my cell phone

Because he thinks I'm Angelo and he's from the fire department

And he leaves

Pregmaster we'll get back to that in a second

I gotta get this call off to

Green Bay

Who called?

Yeah someone called and I didn't get to it in time

We had the breaking news.

The toll-free number is 888-278-8509.

Once again, that's 888-278-8509.

The last caller who I missed, I apologize.

If you call back, I will definitely put you on the line.

That's from New York, too.

I wonder if that was Zoe.

I don't know.

Maybe it didn't come through.

Whatever.

Okay, let's try this again.

We're calling.

Who are we calling?

Green Bay.

I get off track so easily.

Just Pigeon.

Yeah, the Pigeon family.

Then we'll try Blush, a female escort in Atlanta also.

Maybe.

All right, anyway.

We'll be right back with you, everybody.

It is now 1127, and you're listening to the Madhouse.

Hello?

Yes.

Hello, sir.

I'm calling from the Brett Favre Fan Club Association,

the charitable donations for Brett Favre.

Are you aware that Brett Favre has lost...

It's 10.30 at night.

This is too late for this.

I understand, but it's a serious situation.

It's happening in Louisiana.

What a jerk-ass.

I hate the Packers.

Oh, man.

He's tired.

Yeah, he's tired.

He doesn't care about Brett Favre.

He doesn't care.

He would think they would be like,

what, Brett Favre?

Isn't that all they have there is Brett Favre?

Seriously, what else do they have?

I was getting a punk right at the rear end the way you counted.

A virgin dollar is a sacrifice for you, Brett.

Yeah, god damn it.

That's harsh.

Man.

All right.

We've got some more numbers here.

What's this now?

Wow.

Glenn Dining.

Atomic Farm.

The hookup.

Yeah, I remember this.

Runs a truck stop that serves some greasy-ass fried clams.

That's funny.

If my guys are greasy.

Human eggplant.

You see the one all being bloomy?

Girl obsessed with Star Trek.

A girl obsessed with Star Trek.

Wow.

Funny sounding old lady.

What was that?

Athena.

Yeah, right.

Okay, let's get back on track here.

Who are we going to call now?

Are we going to call Blush?

No.

Someone give me an idea of someone to call.

Wait a minute.

I had something going on.

It was Aldine Blumy.

Where's that at?

That was on that list I sent you.

I'll send it again.

Hang on.

All right, send it again.

Hold on a minute.

Hang on, I'll get it over here.

What's this?

Hang on, Prankman's just sending me something.

I have a feeling I know what it is.

Let me see.

There it is.

Hang on.

Hey, chicken, can I help you?

Yeah, hi, how are you?

My brother's going to come down today.

He's going to make a big, big order, okay?

What does he want?

Just take down his name because it's a very, very big order.

Do you have a pen handy?

Go ahead.

His name is Miter.

What is it, Miter?

It's spelled M-I-T-U-R, and his last name is B-I-N-E-S-D-E-R-T-Y.

My turban is dirty?

Your turban is dirty?

Screw you, motherfucker.

Chicken, can I help you?

Uh, hello?

Yes, yes, what can I get for you?

Yeah, uh, is your chicken fresh?

It's fresh. How many pieces do you need?

Is your buffalo wing sauce spicy?

Yes, it's spicy. What do you want?

Yes, your turban dirty.

Your mother is dirty, you piece of s**t.

Okay, now, can I help you? What do you need?

Is Mike there?

Mike who?

Mike Turban is dirty?

this is not

deserved

I'm sorry

yeah I

played that

before but

prankmas is

in it to me

so I thought

I'd say it

I play it

for him

prankmas is

in me a

call here

a number

here rather

for some

dude some

guy who

works in

the fire

department and

leaves strange

messages to his

cell phone and

thinks he's

Angelo

you know what

I found dude

there's a

website you can

pay like 5

bucks and

they'll give

you 50 minutes

Where whatever phone number

Like you call out

You can make it come up

Whatever you want

And the caller ID

For the name

And the phone number

Oh cool

So I could like

Be Mr. T

That's what I use

Mr. T

What's up fool

This is Mr. T

I call

Now what would really be good

Is if we could phone freak

And get him to call us

Yeah

Oh phone

Oh yeah

Well that would be kind of cool

To sit there

Yeah exactly

Yeah like touch turn terrors

Yeah exactly

That's interesting

Hey look

We need to do another call here

Hang on

Let's try that one

I pranked myself

I'm going to call this guy

in the fire department

see if he's available

to do some

some like working on

everybody

we'll be back

with another prank call

in just one second

you're listening to

the madhouse

on PCU radio

what the

nobody's showing up

you have the

787269

oh

hacker

hack it

that's the story

of um

hacking

hacking is mean though

come on

unless it's

dong dong

that's our answer

then if they hear you

hacking

oh

that whole thing

he's not going to know

oh yeah that's right

okay no

atomic farm

that's right

that's where I was

going to go

Yeah, let me maximize this.

It's 11.30 there, so that's late.

Oh, yeah, I was at Dan and Volodymyr.

Where is it, Texas?

Yeah.

No, it's 10.30 over there, Texas.

No, he says it's about 11.30 here.

Oh, hang on.

Yeah, and that was a while.

Okay.

That was at, like, 10.30.

There's a bunch of those club calls he sent in.

Yeah.

Hmm.

Let me see.

Oh, Jesus.

Okay.

Prankpress said that's the right number.

That's the number I called.

I don't know what's going on, dude.

The Atlanta Resort and Casino.

I called them the other day.

I called their, what was it?

The Wedding Chapel with Randy Dandy.

No, I called it with Juke.

We were just talking about Juke.

I don't know what Juke was on.

Juke's good.

I like Juke, man.

He does good calls.

He's a pretty smart kid.

Bertha and Ronnie Pigeon.

What are you going to try?

I'm going to try Blush.

Excuse me.

What did you say I should do with Blush?

I forgot.

You had a good idea.

No, I don't think I did.

You didn't?

No, I'm just kidding.

Oh, the hardhacks.

All right, well, let me try to give her a call.

I'll be right back, everybody.

It is now 1139, Thursday night.

You're listening to the Madhouse on PCU Radio.

Hello?

Hello, Blush?

She's unavailable right now.

There is a girl available, however, are you interested?

Oh, yes, most definitely.

Okay, she is the girl available.

Are you looking for a white female or a black female?

Either way, what do you have available?

Well, I don't for sure.

Hold on, what time is it?

I'm sorry, hon.

Okay. I had to get my surroundings for a second. Okay, she is 5'7". She is Caucasian female,

real pretty. She has long, curly, brown hair with blonde highlights in it. Okay. She has

blue eyes. She is a 30, 60, 28, 38. How much does she weigh? I'd say about 160. And she's

how tall? About 5'7". She's not skinny, but she's not, you know, big at all. Flat stomach.

She just, she picked her car.

Sounds kind of chunky to me, don't you think?

Well, blush is $170, $180.

She's $511.

Oh, is she really now?

That's pushing it.

Yeah, that is kind of pushing it, you know.

Okay.

How about you?

How much do you weigh?

Oh, I don't ask for it.

No?

No.

So what, do you just answer the phone?

This is my business.

Have you ever done any mason work?

Pardon?

Have you ever done any mason work?

Have I done any what?

Mason work.

Mason work?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, I don't know what mason work is.

Man, let me tell you my situation.

I'm an overweight man.

I weigh about 428 pounds.

And I want to start going to the gym, and I'd like to do so with the company of another lady.

Okay.

Do you think that's something I could set up where every day I could have her go with me

and join me in the gym so people think, you know.

I mean, it sounds like these girls are rather chunky, so they might be able to get something out of it.

Well, let me talk to the girl just explaining Caress about it.

All right.

When did you want to see her, hon?

As soon as possible.

Why don't you put me on with somebody right now and let me talk?

All right, let me call her up, okay?

All right, well, hurry up.

Can I call you back at this number?

I'm running low on minutes here.

Is there any way I can hold her?

What's going on?

Call me back in, like, five minutes, okay?

Five minutes?

Uh-huh.

You going to make me call back?

Well, you told me not to call you back.

Well, I guess so, then.

I'll call you back then.

Alright.

Whatever, bye.

She didn't want to play.

I know.

She didn't want to let Mason work.

I know.

I mean, she better be worth it.

That's pushing it.

Yeah.

Well, you're going to call back

and just be like,

yeah, she's available.

Yeah, it's not going to be any good.

I'm not going to call her back.

You should call her back

and tell her that.

We think she's rude.

Yeah, she is rude.

She's very nice with him.

We still thought she was rude.

Tell her I called

I called Nautica instead.

Nautica.

And she was like,

that bitch Nautica?

No, Nautica.

I'll tell Nautica

give that blush that's talking shit about her and start a, start a pit bull. I'll kill

that hoe. He's like, yo, that, that bitch blush talking about you. Who the truck is

going? I ain't trying to be with that. That is hilarious. I'll keep my money. I can't

wait to hear that call again after the show. I'm going to do that. First thing after the

show, I'm going to hear that call again. That was great. Well, all right. Well, let me see

what else I can do here. I might have to take a break here in a second because I'm

starting to run out. Yeah. Fast Domino apparently rescued by boat. Wow. What kind of, what

What if he got rescued by a Vietnamese fisherman?

That would be kind of cool.

You think that would be cool?

Yeah, Vietnamese fisherman.

Oh, look, there's an old picture.

Matt Domino.

Look at that.

Rescued by a boat from his flooded neighborhood.

His daughter, Karen Domino White, said.

Karen Domino White.

His son, Billy Domino.

That's funny.

I don't know.

He was missing.

Yeah, very, very relieved.

Well, good for him.

Good for his son.

He had jeans and a blue striped shirt.

He was that

That probably helped him

Get saved

Yeah he's very smart

You would think he would have

Like a dominant

Big dominant

Big double

Double six

That'd be nice

I wonder if he plays

Dominance

That'd be cool

Find out

Alright

Let me take a look

Back in the chat

Blueberry Hill

That's his song right

Yeah that's his classic song

Alright well

The Hard Rock Hotel

And Casino

I don't know

I don't know about that

Richard Yutz

And Horsham PA

Old guy

Answered

He answered like an hour ago

Yeah, we need more recent ones, so we're going to call Walmart.

Yeah, well, I can call this other Walmart in Hawaii.

Yeah, call Walmart again.

Let me call them again.

I'll try the whole UPC thing, see if I can do it faster this time.

Yeah, let's give them something else this time.

All right.

Okay, all right, well, yeah, try to, you know what, get something from the kitchens would be probably the best thing to do.

You think so?

Yeah, actually.

No, something that could possibly fit in your car, that'd be funny.

Let me see, let me see, let me see that Bud Light bottle that's the way in there.

I wonder if it has a UPC on it.

I don't think they're individual.

No.

Yeah, but that's a short one.

That means it's not individual.

It smells so awful.

It's like a week old.

Oh, yeah, it is.

Yeah, that's from last week.

That's nasty.

Sorry about that.

I don't know.

Jack Daniels?

They won't sell Jack Daniels there.

I don't know.

We'll find something.

We'll figure it out.

Ah, goodies.

Oh, yeah.

I'm going to say I snorted this.

I thought it was cocaine.

I snorted the goodies probably.

I'm going to do a drive-by.

What's that stuff that they put behind the counters now?

What's the name of that?

Tape?

No.

Not tape.

the what's the medicines the meds that had something you can make a meth out of

cough syrup yeah zero whatever yeah well that's yeah the prescription cough syrup

and then you pour it in with some kool-aid and you drink that that's scissor

right this is zero this is zero I wish I had that I don't think that's Houston

that's Houston I don't have that no I got one Houston beach no Houston that's

It's probably like the porn star use.

No, no, no.

This is, um...

No, it's not.

Yeah.

Time is in.

Walmart.

Let's hear it.

Walmart, turn over the expressway.

I'll tell you when I come in.

Yeah, I need to speak to somebody in the pharmacy, please.

Uh, pharmacy, you'd have to call back and ask to get transferred over there.

No, no, no.

We can't do that right now.

We have, uh, look, I'm down in my last quarter and I'm having some, uh, complication here.

I need to speak to somebody in the pharmacy, please.

Okay, hold on.

These people just don't want to transfer you.

It's so obvious that they have no problem going and getting someone else, but they just don't want to do it when you hang up and call back.

That's rude. I thought they were supposed to be nice.

Yeah.

Hello? Hello?

Ian?

Oh, it's the country band's music video.

No, it's, um, our song is this.

I think I heard it. It sounds like our song is this.

I think it's Emerson, like, DeFarge. I don't know this song.

Emerson?

Emerson, like, is all brain-sauced or, like, off the train.

How you doing over there? Solitaire?

People take a long time to go Walmart.

Our service never had a Walmart.

Yeah, it's horrible.

But, I mean, that's what happens when you get off the mainland.

Yeah, the service is, yeah.

America's value and ethic.

Yeah, Puerto Rico's Walmart's value.

You know, I banned Walmart, right?

Did I tell you about that?

I'm not going to Walmart anymore, ever again.

Yeah, really?

No, never going again.

Hello?

Hey.

Hello?

Music.

Hello, ma'am.

Geez.

You put Emerson, Lake, and Palmer back on?

Yeah, taking off your sticker.

Oh, that sucks.

Hello?

Walmart?

Yeah!

What song is this?

I don't know.

Walmart sucks, man.

I'm never going to one of those stores again.

You know, you got bad service and they fucking...

I like the music they're playing, though.

They were in a comedy.

I like this shit.

Who is this?

I can't remember who this is either.

Walter Russell Comets?

No, I don't think it's Walter Russell Comets.

Walter Russell Comets.

No, he's in a sagged down comedy.

You got the internet to find him.

I'm just looking it up.

I got plenty of time to...

Hey, get Milkman back on.

Milkman.

Yeah, let me call Milkman.

Well, Milkman's completely off, though.

No, yeah, I can't find...

Milkman.

Let me send him...

Yeah, I don't see him on the giz.

Let me try to restart mine.

Oh, this takes so long.

Come on, Walmart.

I know, right?

What could be going on at the Walmart in Hawaii?

I don't know.

The long-awaited Hawaiian Revolution.

Now that we don't have any gas, they're going to...

They've developed a fuel manager.

I think, what are they called?

The Pineapple Republic or something like that?

Pineapple Republic?

Well, I thought, you mean Key West?

No, that was a con.

I said, come on.

Oh, my God.

We're going to have to cancel this.

Hello?

I've already invested so many millions in this call.

Like, 420 left on this call.

Does anyone know if I was right on everything?

This guy, no pain.

Milkman, hang on, I'm trying to get you back on, Samuel.

Don't panic, Milkman.

Pregnance, yeah, Pregnance, oh yeah, hang on, Pregnance.

Hello, hello, sir.

Just a little down part, okay.

They got you again.

They do that to keep you thinking, oh, someone's going to answer.

That dad says he has a penis.

Pregnance, I just checked the message.

I see a redneck family.

Call two times.

All right, we'll try that.

Try that next.

We're in the manhouse.

We can get through.

Oh, my God.

We'll try Milkman again.

Milkman, you're showing up as not on gizmo, so try to reset that.

Turn off your gizmo and turn it back on.

I don't know, man.

I'm giving this...

Come on, Walmart.

Come on.

I'm giving them 60 seconds before they hang up.

They wouldn't do this to a captain.

You're turning them off.

You told them you were out of your quarter, right?

Yeah, I told them.

He doesn't seem to care.

I should have asked him for that phone number.

I told him he was going to get punched in the kidney if he didn't hustle.

Yeah.

Alright, well...

Bye.

Man, that sucks.

I lost six minutes there.

What?

I've sucked on a feeling?

I don't know.

That sucks.

Um...

The Skulls' redneck family.

Prankfest hasn't told me who they are, though.

Yeah, he says they're back up on...

The Gizmo?

All right, let me try to get Milkman back on.

Conference numbers.

Well, he's not even on, though.

That's the whole thing.

We'll try the conference numbers and see if it works.

Um, I don't even have it anymore.

I do.

You do.

Here it is.

Hello!

What the hell?

Jesus, fuck you.

You got a lot of...

What's going on back there?

You got a fan going?

What's going on?

I can listen to that.

Oh, that is sick.

Did you hear that disgusting mess back there?

I think he just took a...

That's gross.

Someone likes to rub it to Carlito in the chat room.

Alright.

Was that you, Athena?

Nancy Druggie.

A little lady answered.

Alright, let me...

That's not 49, that's like late recent.

That was, yeah.

And this guy just answered three minutes ago.

Easy Killa?

Come on.

Easy Killa Eugene in Oregon.

Yo, yo.

Yo.

Alright.

Then we got...

Let me call these rednecks, then I'll call Easy Killa.

Alright.

I need music before I do that.

I played a sound effect of a toilet, and everything just crashed.

I play fucking Beatles.

I can't play Beastie Boys, apparently.

A donation to help the misplaced prisoners in New Orleans

They don't have any more crosses, sir

They don't have any more crosses

Hi, friend, how are you?

This is Marshall

And I represent the local chapter

Third United of the Knights of the Klan

And we're looking for assistance

In going down to New Orleans

In order to take care of the Negroes

Hello

Yeah

Yeah.

We're trying to get rid of the Negro problem in New Orleans,

and we're wondering if you'd be willing to come down and help us out.

I don't have the money to come down.

No, we'll take care of everything.

Do we have your moral support, sir?

I'm in college right now.

Well, are you aware that the race war is about to start?

We're calling all good white people to come down and support the cause to start the race war.

Sir, once they learn how to swim, we're done for.

Well, I have a few friends that are colored.

Oh, don't we all have friends that are colored?

Have you been with a black woman?

Yeah.

You have?

Yeah.

That's sick.

You know what we call you around here?

I'm sorry.

Well, what else can I say?

I'm not racist or nothing.

You're not?

No.

I got you down here on the pro-klan list, though.

What do you have me as?

You came to our webpage, kkk.com.

What's your name?

Kkk.kom.

No, what do you have me down as?

Like, what name?

You signed up for the newsletter.

You purchased three votive Burning Cross candles.

We have you as the Grand Dragon of the Medieval Reich.

Huh?

Medieval Reich.

What names did I use?

What names did you use?

Yes.

We're not allowed to give that out in privacy.

We don't keep those records because the Jew government tries to steal the information of good white people like yourself.

Well, I was on that kind of website before.

Well, we have you down, and as it is now, now you're in some trouble, boy.

Now you're in some trouble, boy.

That's all I've got to say.

I can't believe that you would come to our website and taint it with your...

That could have been my brother.

You've made love to a black man before?

No.

That's what you just said.

You made love to...

Not only was it a man, it was black.

I made love to a black woman.

You said a black man.

I have you here.

I've got you.

I've got my notes right here.

A black man.

My brother visited that website, I think.

Your brother did?

Well, why don't you put your brother on the phone?

He ain't here right now.

Well, he's interested in joining the Klan.

We need to talk to him.

He's not here.

Well, is your mother there?

Huh?

Is your mother there?

No, she's not racist either.

Well, no.

Can we just talk to her, though?

She wouldn't want to talk to you.

Well, sure she would.

No, she wouldn't.

I'm sexy.

She don't like people that are racist.

I don't have much hair on my belly.

She don't like people that are racist.

Well, we're not racist.

We're just pro-white.

I still believe that as being racist.

Well, why are you afraid of your own heritage?

Why are you ashamed of being white?

I'm not ashamed of being white.

I just, I have no problem with black people.

All right, well, what else can I say?

You're not, I'm going to take you off the list then.

Okay.

All right, but don't come crawling back to us when it all goes down.

That's all I got to say, you know.

Why would I crawl back to you?

Well, because we're going to be in control.

Doesn't it make you mad that they're playing quarterback now?

No, I wouldn't.

I don't think I would crawl back to you.

Yeah, and they're trying to get into NASCAR too, you know, those coloreds.

Well, like I said, I'm sorry.

You believe that?

I have a bunch of people, I have a bunch of friends that are colored, and I have no problem

with colored people.

They steal your CDs.

Yep.

They steal music on the internet.

Huh?

They steal music on the internet.

How do they steal music on the internet?

Yeah, how do they?

You tell me.

Can we talk to your sister, please?

What's that voice in the background?

That's, that's my, uh, my protege here, Pastor Nick.

Well, you know, just don't call here.

Well, we want to talk to your sister.

Yeah, let's talk to your sister real quick, alright there, big guy?

No.

Go put her on.

Go get her.

Be a pal and put your sister on the phone, all right?

Uh-uh.

Come on, please.

No.

Come on now.

I'll leave you alone, I promise, if you put your sister on the phone.

No.

I'm not letting you talk to no one.

Let me talk to her, please.

No.

Please.

Oh, please.

No.

Let me talk to her while I stroke my cock.

No.

Please, I want to so bad.

Email her panties.

Yeah.

Or your panties.

Go smell her panties while we talk to you.

Who the hell is this?

Look, sir.

I need the company.

You're fucking laughing in the background.

Who is this?

What you gonna do, boy?

Colored lover?

Embraered?

Let me talk to your hot sister.

Fuck you.

Let me talk to your hot sister.

I'm hanging up, and if you call again, I'm gonna get your cock.

I'm not scared.

I'm not scared of a homosexual.

I'm not a homosexual, you fucking asshole.

Then why won't you let me talk to your sister?

Why you gotta be cock-walking me?

Bros before hoes, man.

Come on.

My sister's fucking 14.

So what?

How old are you?

13.

Yeah, fucking right.

You sound like you're fucking 18 or 19.

I'm 13, I said.

Yeah, right.

Yes, I was born 13 years ago, last Friday.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

I'm hanging up, and you better not call.

Do you have stripes in your underwear?

Do I have what?

Stripes in your underwear.

You are a sick fuck.

Come on, let me talk to your sister, man.

Be a pal.

No!

Have you ever seen your sister naked?

No!

Man, that was great.

That was great.

God, man.

I hear the voice in the background.

Who the fuck is that?

That's funny.

Well, he wasn't racist, but he sure was against us talking to his sister.

That's funny.

Oh, sorry, guys.

Milkman's having a cow.

Milkman, hang on.

Let me try Milkman one more time here before I go to break.

Let me try to get Milkman back on the line.

She didn't answer.

Hey.

Hello.

Hey, Milkman.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, welcome back.

Hey, I was in the middle of a call.

You're in the private party room.

Everybody, welcome back.

Were you guys talking dirty again?

Yeah.

Oh, man.

We just had this girl in here doing a lap dance for us.

Yeah man

I tried to get you guys

To hurry up

I heard you

Might come back

A little bit later

Yeah

Hey

We're about to go to break

Real quick

And we're going to come back

And do another

A few more calls

And we're going to call it a night

What do you think about that

Hey

Remember that

Remember that thing

I told you

That we should call

Last night

He told us

He gave us a call tonight

Who

Who's that

I'll send it to you

Alright send it to me again

I forget things really easily

I'm sorry

Okay it's alright

Don't take offense

Alright man

Yeah he is

He's wearing a liar card

it's all right anyway and uh you still there laser laser yeah what's up what's up laser laser

are you really do you remember on american gladiators the gladiator called laser yeah i

thought he was like you know way too big for his britches yeah you know he acted like his

shit yeah remember the black gladiator she had the big ass thighs well sorry thunder thunder i

don't know cheetah all right hercules all right everybody well we're gonna take a break here

See what's happening again

You guys gotta be quiet

While we're on break now

Okay

Alright well

We'll be back everybody

It's 12.06 Eastern

It's finally Friday

Congratulations

The weekend is finally here

Upon us

We're gonna be right back

After this

You're listening to

The Madhouse

On PC Radio

Yeah baby

Right here is

Snod your fucking head

Alright

right.

What's up, everybody?

Back on The Madhouse.

It is now 12, 13 a.m. Eastern, Friday night.

Not Friday night, Friday morning.

Yeah, the weekend's finally here.

Congratulations.

Milkman, he's still with us.

Yeah, baby, we're here.

The party's going on, man.

Go ahead.

Milkman, what are you doing back there?

I heard you're making a lot of noise back there.

Where's that Faze?

Oh, okay.

There was that lap dancer.

I'm sorry.

I told her to settle down.

You didn't have no lap dancer.

Yeah, baby.

Faze is giving you a lap dance.

No.

That's the wild girl that was on there a minute ago cussing about the panther and stuff.

She came over here.

She tracked me down by gizmo.

You got Nautica there already, huh?

Yeah, baby.

You're getting exciting.

I got some files here.

One of my prank masters.

Let me see what the prank master said.

Let me see what this sounds like.

Ah, no.

Not this crap.

Did you get the one I sent you?

It's a little shorty.

Yeah, this is what I'm playing right now.

It's a classic.

Yeah.

Have you ever sucked a dick?

Huh?

The first time I heard that, I about died laughing.

I remember going,

Slurk the dick.

Yeah, I love it.

He just comes out straight up mean.

Like, you ever suck?

Yeah, like this.

You ever hear the ones that guy, Red,

but they play on Howard sometimes,

the guy Red in that bar,

they call him and they say,

yeah, is Joe Mamma there?

Oh, Red, too far.

I love those.

Yeah, I've heard, yeah,

I found those the other day.

I'm going to download them all.

Those are hilarious, man.

Oh, my God.

They call him.

He gets called like 50 times.

Listen here you little rat, I'm going to cut over there and beat you up on my sipping stick, it's not even your gut.

What's this you're sending me, Milkman? Send me a story in Vancouver.

Yeah.

Did you do that?

Yeah.

Was that Phaser?

Yeah, Phaser's here.

Yeah, did he derail that train?

I think that there was an incident and one of the cows got in the way of the train.

They tried to slow down and they ended up knocking the cow down and splitting up a whole bunch of steak.

That's why I said, let's just have a little cook up now, man, you know?

Pick some ham steaks, pie them up, man, lay them on the grill and have a big party.

Here's a car crash simulating the train wreck.

That's all I got.

That was a fender bender there.

Well, the cow is dead. We all get hamburgers now. Lots of hamburgers in Vancouver tonight.

So, a madcap, probably.

Yeah, a madcap.

Yeah, the Calgary Madcap.

Traffic? The coordinator of traffic?

What the hell is that? What is that though, man?

Uh, I don't know. Those are the guys that, you know,

say, well, you can go drive here, you know,

and next time when you clear, this other guy

will take this track, and that kind of thing.

Oh, trade. So whoever it was

must have screwed, because they had some serious

crashes, like six. Maybe we should call

and give a shit. Ask him, you know, if he's been

smoking, or drinking, or joking,

or was he looking at Playboy and Mr. Pitch?

I'm going to tell my cows here.

Yeah, that's very good.

That's definitely a good call.

That's definitely a good call, a good find.

What can I play here tonight?

You can complain that they're making a railroad.

My railroad?

Yeah, because it's your business.

This is Canada?

That's what you guys got.

Yeah.

You better give that shit back.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, you know, we're keeping you guys like a little savings account up there.

You know that, right?

Because once we run out of wood, we're going into Canada.

Once you run out of people, then.

Yeah, exactly.

You're next, Canada.

Canada has weapons of mass destruction.

Yeah, I'm sure they do, those bastards.

All right.

I'm sorry.

Canada's great.

Good for Canada.

It's all part of the master plan.

It's all part, yeah.

We'll see about that.

All right, well, we're going to do another call.

We're going to call that guy and see whether he fucked everything up.

We'll be right back.

Okay, man.

All right, well, hang on.

We'll be right back with the Madhouse, everybody.

It's 12-18.

See you, bye-bye.

Welcome to...

At least the Duffman drops.

You have 11 minutes available for this call.

Oh, please enter the area code in...

Damn Canada.

Well, you know what?

We'll go to the backup plan.

Let's try Gizmo.

Oh, how do we do this, though?

How do we get their call, Milkman?

Can we conference in one other person, Milkman?

I think it's pretty simple.

Milkman, you know how to do that, right?

Do what now?

Andy's service.

We're saying, do you know how to conference in that number, Keith?

Can you conference it in Gizmo for us?

I can't call.

It's Canada.

Oh.

I wonder if I have my calling card to work.

Let me try and send it to you.

All right, everybody.

We'll get back to that in a second.

You can reach me.

Yeah, we'll go ahead and put that on hold and roll through the next one.

I'll send you the card.

Oh, okay.

Well, send me the card now.

I'll try to do it now.

I'll do something else in the meantime.

MadHouseLive.com.

I don't know.

URL.

I'm way over-modulated.

MadHouseLive.com.

Again, that's MadHouseLive.com is the web page for the show.

You can also go to KDKPrankCalls.com.

That is the website for PCU for now.

I guess it's a temporary home.

That's KDK's, who is pretty much the guy in charge of the network you're listening to right now.

Speaking of all this, I need to go ahead and start pushing real quick.

I haven't been giving out the word tonight.

I've been busy making calls.

You want to listen tomorrow to Zolar.

He called in earlier.

Zolar is on at 10 p.m.

He is the host of Zolar Vision.

Very good show, and he promises nudity tomorrow.

That's all I need.

Saturday nights at 10, you have KDK, who we're talking about now.

He does a show at 10 as well.

That's the Lunatic Fringe.

That is the main, it's the main, the primary show of PCU.

Sean Ward does his show out of Canada on 9 p.m. on Sunday nights at the end of the week.

Again, that's Sean Ward's Peanut Punch Radio, 9 p.m. on Sunday nights.

Good friend of the Madhouse.

You also have Billy Mira.

has a show with friends of Bill M

that's Monday nights at 8

and many thanks to Billy Amira

if it wasn't for him right now you probably wouldn't be hearing us

and he's been gracious enough to offer us

server space for our

shoutcast server so that you can listen to

right now, be sure everybody

if you're listening right now, anybody you know

who listens to the stream

listens to PCU or anybody you know

who's interested in prank calls or just friends of yours

who you know like stuff like this

or you want them to laugh, spread the word

and give them our new stream IP.

Give them a link to the stream, the new one, the 69.whatever,

because it just started yesterday, I think it was the first day we used it.

And I'm afraid a lot of people may not be listening tonight

because they're confused about that also.

On top of that, KDK is on Wednesday nights at 10 p.m. for his Cycle Babble show.

He doesn't do many prank calls on that show.

He usually talks, but it's still an enjoyable show,

so you might want to check that out.

Let me take a look here.

Okay.

Milkman, I see you came through with a card.

Thank you very much for that, sir.

Milkman.

Milkman is gone.

Yeah, baby.

Oh, there you are.

You just put the left side back on.

Yeah.

I'm just getting this thing straightened out with the, I was working on here the other day.

Okay.

Well, we'll keep working on that.

I'm going to put your favorite song back on while I try to get this.

Someone's at the door.

You go, baby.

All right, baby.

Hang on.

This authorization code is invalid.

Please enter your authorization code.

This authorization code is invalid.

I think you messed up the number.

You repeated the first four digits.

Please enter your authorization code now.

That's right.

I got it.

$3.96.

Enter your destination number now.

What am I calling?

10.

Balance will allow you to talk for three hours.

Look, hey, look.

This is Hugo.

I need to know the situation down there.

I got this guy over here.

He's pissed off about his cow.

You gotta tell me what to tell this guy. He's really upset. What the hell happened up there?

I'm sorry, who is this?

Oh, this is Hugo. I'm over here down at the station, and this guy just came down,

and he says something happened to his cow today on the tracks.

He got hit by something. By a train?

I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're talking about.

Well, what's going on? You're down in traffic, right?

Who's calling, please?

Yeah, this is Hugo. I'm telling you, sir, I'm here at the station.

What station?

The station, station 12. We heard that something happened to the cow. I got some people here upset about it. I need to take a statement.

I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number.

Oh, is this traffic?

Traffic for who?

Traffic.

Yeah, you know, traffic. Traffic department. Train. Train traffic. Traffic train.

Choo-choo.

Hello.

Please enter your destination number.

I went nowhere. Yeah, I just gave up Ron, didn't I? My bad. I didn't mean to use Ron. Did I get someone else helping out?

He didn't catch it anyway.

All right, good, all right, good.

My bad, I'm sorry about that.

I'm not, I wasn't quick thinking there.

Damn.

All right, well, we're done with that.

I think he was busy looking at that Playboy anyway.

He's too busy to talk.

What's he doing over there with Playboy?

At work?

Right.

How do you know?

Yeah.

He's like, let me just be quiet.

They're going to kill Ron.

Yeah, let me just be quiet.

Where are we going?

Okay.

Who else can I call now?

Napoleon, yeah, Easy Killer.

That's right.

Easy Killer Eugene.

Let me give him a call.

All right, hang on, everybody.

We'll be right back with another call on the Madhouse.

It is now 12...

Everything's fine.

26.

Yeah, baby.

I think I lost it.

I'll have to try and play that back later.

It's funny.

Court, please reconnect your call.

Hello.

Gene?

Sorry?

Gene?

There's no Gene.

Just calm down.

Hey, buddy.

Hey.

Look there, pal.

How are you doing there?

I'm doing all right.

I can barely hear you.

Do you hear me better yet?

No.

How about now?

A little bit.

Good.

Try for me.

Look, I have a question for you, buddy.

I have you down as your name is Ease.

Is that true?

As Ease?

E's, E's, yeah, E's. We got you down here visiting our organization, and we needed some assistance.

Can you provide us with some information, please?

What might that be?

How many people live in your household?

17.

17 people?

Yeah.

How many of those are Mexicans?

None.

How many of those are English speakers?

English speakers? All of them.

All of them? Are they pure white?

I believe so.

You sure you don't have anything mixed in there?

No, I'm positive.

That's good.

All right, now let me ask you this, since you seem to be on the up and up.

What do you think the situation is where if you have to loot in order to survive,

do you think that's right or wrong?

Have to loot in order to survive?

Yes.

I haven't been at that point before.

If you had to, if you had been struck by a hurricane and you decided to loot a television

because you had to survive, do you think that should be a problem?

I have no need for a television.

Well, what if you could barter it for food?

You know, whatever happens.

would you give to someone who had a TV

for you? How much food would I

give to someone who had a TV for me? Yeah.

None, because I have no need for a TV.

What do you have a need for? Maybe we can talk.

Look, I got this phone card. I'm displaced.

I lost my house, and I'm

calling people here. I've got some stuff

that I stole during the storm, and I'm

trying to give them up to get some food.

Long ways. I'm here

with family. You made the

wild trip in the last two days.

Yeah, well, I was able to get out

Out of town

I looted a store

In Detroit

Because of the hurricane

I see

Yeah

Well Detroit's a long

Fucking ways from here too

Well I figured

Everybody's looting

So what the hell

So I got

I got some bicycles

You need a bicycle?

No I don't need a bicycle

What about computers?

No

What about

This cell phone

I'm talking to you on

I stole it from some guy

I stole it from a security guard

No man

I pretty much

Cigarettes and booze

I got some cigarettes

What do you smoke

Palm oils?

No

Well what do you need

I might have

I got Marlboros.

No, I think I'll be all right, actually.

I'm hungry.

Can you just send me some food?

No.

Anything?

You got any cans or something like that you can send me over?

Where are you at?

I'm in Oregon now.

I'm from Detroit, actually.

I see.

But I've been displaced because of the hurricane.

You're going to be boring me now.

I'm sorry, me?

You're an asshole.

You're not laughing.

I am.

This is serious.

It's not a laughing matter.

Well, this is a very strange phone call.

Well, what do you want me to say?

What?

I'm a very strange person.

Well, you got to make me feel bad.

I'm just looking for a handout, that's all.

I need some help.

Okay, well, Eugene Mission's on, uh...

I don't trust that crap.

I see.

I don't trust that crap.

They won't take my TV.

I already went down there.

They said they don't need a TV.

It's not like you.

What, you people and Eugene don't like TVs?

What's the problem?

I don't like TVs.

You don't watch TV at all, then?

No.

So you have no idea what's going on?

I hear about it.

It's on the radio.

Yeah, the radio, huh?

Look, man, I'm going to hang up on you because you're pretty boring.

Okay.

All right, well, have a good night, then.

You too, thank you.

All right, later, man.

That wasn't too long.

It had its moments.

It's too mild.

Yeah.

What can you do?

Yeah, what can you do?

Milkman, what are your thoughts on that?

Oh, cool.

I know I could do that.

Whoa, look at that.

Listen, I want to pop the hot dogs, man.

Hot dogs, huh?

Milkman, what kind of hot dog?

What's your favorite kind of hot dog?

What brand?

You like Nathan's?

Okay.

Okay hot dogs?

Huh?

You like okay hot dogs?

Yeah, man.

I like hot dogs, man.

man. I like the Oscar Ma brand, you know? Hell yeah, man. We take them things, poke

them on a stick and roast them up over the fire, man. Have some Kool-Aid. We're going

to have a party, baby. Roll with that. Roll with that. All right, let's try to call, I

got to take a picture. I wanted to call Guam. I guess the name was in Guam here. Bingo Players

of St. Thomas. I don't think I should call them. Hang on. I'm trying to figure it out.

Hey, you got to kick it up a notch. Listen, Carlito, I just want to give a shout out,

man to a friend man really helped me out big shout out to mr. madman the server

owner he is the magic man and he definitely put us back in business I

just want to give him a big thank you oh you figured out the problem yep I'm

done that's what I was doing okay oh I got you I got you all right cool well

that's good yeah I know you were concerned about that yesterday I was I

was trying to tell you look I couldn't help yeah no no yeah we got it figured

I'll figure it out, and I'll explain it to you later, but I'm right now.

Thanks, Madman.

Woo!

All right, well, hey, let's do another call to Hawaii.

What do you say?

I love Hawaii.

Hey, let's do it, man.

Let's do it.

You guys are great.

Yeah, man, I've got to set up my music here real quick.

I don't want to play that.

Tell me if you see anything, Andy.

I don't want to play that.

All right, guys, we'll be right back with another call.

You're listening to The Madhouse.

It's 1234 Eastern on Friday, September 2nd.

Yoo-hoo!

That buggy's ringing.

That's so scary.

In-store ring.

What the hell are they trying to do?

That's crazy.

Yeah, it's probably on night transfer from the service desk over somewhere else.

Yeah, Hawaii's got to be open, so it's like 8 o'clock.

Wow, that's early in 8 o'clock.

That's like 6.

Maybe.

One of them closes early.

One of them closes at midnight.

The other ones stay open all night.

I remember we called every one of them one night.

It's 5.32 there.

Yeah, well, it's 5.

Let me refresh here.

It's 6.36.

They got to have time to go order pineapples.

I guess so.

Yeah, they take off early in Hawaii.

I forgot that.

I wish I was in Hawaii, man.

They get those killer weekends.

No doubt.

Let's go have a luau, man.

I'll bring the hot dogs.

All right, well, what do I do?

Yeah, this is the part of the show where the calls start dying down.

We had a lot of good calls tonight, though.

I think it might be called just...

Yeah, definitely.

I think I'm going to call it a night, bro.

Yeah, man, we've had a very productive night.

We have.

Let's quit while we're ahead, I say.

We'll go for quality.

Okay, all right.

All right, well, I'd love to stay on,

but I sure am glad that everybody stopped by

and had a nice little time with us here in the madhouse.

It was nice to be in the room again.

Yeah, I agree.

It was a great show.

Phaser, also, thank you for joining.

It was great having you in.

Thank you for calling.

It was nice meeting you, Phaser.

Thanks for having fun.

All right, well, hey.

And I am pumped, all pumped up for the Zolar Vision show tomorrow.

It's going to blow the socks off you.

It's going to blow your eyeballs and your speakers out.

So get ready for Zolar Vision tomorrow.

See you at that channel.

10 p.m.

10 p.m. Eastern, everybody.

Be sure to hear that.

And we're a very international show.

We have three nations represented.

Well, not nations, but...

Yeah.

We've got Canada.

Yeah, exactly.

We're all over the Northern Hemisphere, man.

We're all over that.

That's right.

Wait a minute.

The eastern hemisphere?

No, this is the western hemisphere.

North America.

Yeah, we're in the northern hemisphere and the western hemisphere.

Yeah, right.

Is that called hemisphere?

Meridian?

You got a hemi?

I'd like to have a hemisphere.

Okay.

Right here in my truck, man.

One of these hemis.

Oh, yeah?

All right, man.

I'd do a burnout on my little rascal scooter if I had a hemi.

All right.

You calm down there a little bit, man.

You just have a great time yourself.

Okay, I'm just going to do another quick donut.

All right.

You do that.

All right, well, McMahon, we're signing off on you.

Thank you for joining us via satellite.

Peace, peace, love you.

Everybody, thanks for stopping by the Madhouse.

We'll see you again next time.

Adios.

Okay, they're gone now.

The best thing is, is Miltman is so much more enthused than you ever.

Oh, no.

I'm always enthusiastic inside my heart.

I don't like that show very much.

But, yeah, I want to thank you, Andy, for being on as well.

That was great.

Are you going to be on next week, hopefully?

Yeah.

No, you don't know.

All right, well, hopefully if you do make it.

I can never tell.

Okay, well, everybody, be sure to keep listening to PCU.

We have tons and tons of prank calls up late here at 24 hours a day.

If you like what you hear, please continue to listen.

We're going to call it a night.

Be sure to listen to Zolar tomorrow, KDK on Saturday night.

Coming up, and Sean Wood will be on on Sunday.

For the time being, we're going to call it a night, as I said.

Thank you very much for listening.

It's been a great night, and we will catch you next week here at 915.

al esfuerzo y al heroismo

de una revolución

no los queremos, no los necesitamos

Calls (23, 1 h 18 min of 2 h 25 min)

Transcript

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