2005-09-29 Show

The following is an exclusive of PCU Radio and MadHouseLive.com.

What's up, everybody?

How are you all doing?

Good evening.

Sorry for the late start, but I'm finally on 958, so pretty much...

Before 10.

That's good.

All right.

Is this on?

No, no, no.

No one can hear that.

And we were on mute.

Why do we sound weird?

It's one of the other guys on Gizmo.

Milkman, what's up?

What up, Milk?

We're here with Milkman.

Of course, Andy's here in the studio with me.

And what else is going on, Milkman?

Is there anything I need to announce right now?

Hey, yeah, let's do a quick shout-out.

We've got a birthday in the house tonight.

One of our VIPs here at PCU, let's give a big birthday shout-out.

Happy 24th birthday to

Brendan Vegas

Brendan Vegas' birthday, huh?

24

Damn, he's older than me now

He's got one year left until it's all over

That's what I think

You hit the wall at 24

What the hell is that?

Are you hearing that, Milkman?

Milkman, do you hear that?

I hear you guys fine

I heard just a quick echo

Yeah, what do you think that's from, Milkman?

This is a quick echo coming through

I'm not hearing it now

No, no, we'll double check it, but anyway, everybody, so it's Brendan, happy birthday

to Brendan Vegas, of course, just a little applause for him, I gotta get better at my

sound effects, that took me too long to set up, like, whoa, whoa, whoa, you see, that's

some shit right there, is it maybe going to your, do you have those, both those mics set

up, or, no, no, no, just this one, this one is only, the only one, what about, is it going

to here, this one goes towards the couch for when Athena gets here, yeah, this one is

is me, and this one is you.

Testicles, one, two, testicles, one, two.

Why isn't it working right?

Oh, you see?

It's like TalkBack.

It's so fucked up. God damn it.

Anyway, well, thank you everybody for joining.

I see Zolar's in the chat room.

What's up, Joe?

And you're here on the air with us.

Hey, he's stuck in there on me.

I thought I heard a beep. What are you saying, man?

Yeah, what's up, everybody?

We have... What's up, everybody?

Everybody, we have Zolar on the line.

who will coincidentally enough also be on tomorrow.

I just opt you in the chat when there's Zolar, by the way.

Zolar.

You've got the power.

I've been king.

Yeah, you see?

It's Zolar who's messing things up.

Zolar, what's going on?

You see?

Zolar says something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Zolar has been taken by the way.

Yeah, he's got our conference.

Zolar has been turned into an air conditioner.

Like, when you pour, what are you talking to?

And it talks back like this.

Zola has an air conditioner in his mouth.

Zola, are you on headphones or are you listening on speakers?

I'm fixing it now as we speak.

How does it sound?

It sounds 100% better.

Like a true gentleman.

We can barely hear you.

Andy, this is all the weed we have tonight.

Bring your audio up and kill your encoders, Zola.

It's Reggie, too.

Yeah, we have nasty regs here tonight to smoke because, I don't know.

Andy, what's going on?

Is there a drought in town now?

It looks like that.

And I'm broke, too.

I'm broke, too, man.

This is rent week.

I just paid rent.

Man, I got rent $700-some-and-a-half, only have $400 in my bank account.

$400 in my bank account.

Whoa.

What's the number?

Not everything.

Ah!

Okay.

Okay, we cut them off.

Someone over there is really coming in bad, so we'll reconnect to Milkman and Zolar as soon as possible.

Let me go back to the chat room.

And Lonesome is already sending me all the nice numbers, as he always does.

I wish I could blow this up.

Sarah Kinky.

Hang on.

You gotta play that wave of Milkman saying yay

For a few days ago

Yeah I don't have that wave of Milkman saying yay

I'm behind but that was funny as hell

He said yay on the air

Like really weird

He said it like a girl

I don't remember it though

Why did you get that

Because I've been waiting on him to send me a copy

Of this Sunday night show that we did

That was like off the wall

Zolar did a show with Reclude

Who will be starting a Tuesday night show

Everybody if you didn't know

Tuesday night's, what is it, Recluse Tuesday Night Hand Release.

I think that's the name of it, yeah.

Recluse Tuesday Night Hand Release.

I don't know what time he's starting, but he's going to start next week,

Tuesday night, here on PCU, where you're listening to us.

He's a long-time listener to PCU,

and he's a regular caller to the show you're listening to now,

which is The Madhouse.

If you're out there listening, be sure to visit madhouselive.com.

I promise a good update to the site this weekend.

I'll have the archives for the last two episodes.

I'll try to get the Sunday night show that we had the other night that everybody seemed to love.

A lot of people said that was the best show ever on PCU, so we need to get that out.

Milkman is busy trying to edit that because there were a lot of audio problems that night,

but it was still a good show.

Much like tonight.

Much like tonight, exactly.

Let's try to get them back on the line.

Watch this film miserably here, everybody.

Normally, we'd be all set up, ready to go by now,

but since I decided to take my sweet time starting, I apologize.

We're not.

I don't have that wave of Milkman saying yay.

I'm behind.

That was funny though.

He said yay on the air.

One of you guys is playing the stream apparently.

They're like really way behind.

They've got to cut that stream out.

Hang on.

Let's try again.

Hello.

Milkman.

What's up, man?

Yeah.

All right, good.

Zolar quit?

Zolar got out.

No, he's coming back, but I told him to kill his stream audio.

Yeah, that thing just went.

That's what it is, yeah.

Yeah, he's getting things patched back up.

He hasn't heard it yet.

Okay.

But Zolar, whenever you hear it on delay, make sure your stream audio is off and come back.

Exactly.

Zolar, oh, he's got it.

Oh, yes.

He's got it.

You know, he tried to send this to me already before this file, and I wasn't able to get it.

I was busy doing work stuff.

What?

Hey, shout out.

Prankmaster in the house.

Hey, what are you saying, man?

What, he's in the chat room?

Prankmaster joined the chat room.

Yeah, hi.

We're good.

Hey, Prankmaster.

Welcome.

How's it going?

That is not Prankmaster, man.

Who is that?

Oh, it says, I don't know, it says, Prankmaster has joined PCU.

He wouldn't, that's not him.

That said his IP, man.

That's Davila, whoever Davila was that was in there a second ago.

That's that dude again.

Oh, maybe so.

Someone's messing with us.

That's funny.

Yeah, all right.

Well, anyway, it's not Prankmaster.

It's not that hard to check, Will, man.

Yeah.

God damn it.

No man's vulnerable.

Oh, my God.

he must have not registered his neck because our minds registered so you

couldn't log mine

I'll isolate that and send it to you.

That's a very bad sounding version of it.

Does the whole thing sound like that?

Zohar, is that what came out of those archives that we pulled from that show?

I don't know where that came from.

I think you ripped it on Audacity.

Like I said, I'm completing the second half.

The first half, you already listened to it, right?

It sounded pretty good, right?

I heard the first half.

The second half is what I want to hear.

Yeah, the second half is what's taking a lot of time because the audio levels were down.

But it'll sound perfect once it's done.

Okay.

So that's why it's taking just a little bit longer because I'm using Audacity to have to do my editing

because my Sonar 5 has not come in yet.

It'll be perfect, though.

This is a program that you've ordered?

Yeah, I mean, your levels are up there.

You know, anybody that talks, it's too hot, they're down.

Okay.

So I'm just manually going through and fixing away.

This sounds good.

Pretty well.

Well, speaking of phone lines, let me give out the toll-free number for everybody.

That's 888-278-8509.

And once again, you can reach us at 888-278-8509.

Is that hitting at all?

I believe it's clogged.

You know, I tried to unclog that, but it couldn't.

I don't know.

You're not that good at this kind of stuff, though.

No, I'm not good at that kind of stuff.

Well, you can intro mine.

Yeah, look.

What?

What's wrong with it?

What?

You've got to look before you put shit in there.

Yeah, it is clogged.

Holy shit.

We'll fix it.

You know what to do.

I don't know if this is a very good bowl.

I don't think so either.

I just got my stream ripper just started now.

Okay, all right, so we're recording as of now then, okay.

Yeah, now.

Because before what happened was I've got a bunch of external drives

and it's pointing at a drive I don't have plugged in.

So I had to change the shortcut and now it's working fine.

Good to hear, buddy.

All right, well, Zolar, when you get a chance, join back in.

We want to have you on.

Zolar, don't take it wrong on yourself.

I'm not saying my fault.

Who cares?

Don't worry about it.

Yeah, he says, hold on, I'll be back.

Let's blame someone else.

Yeah.

Let's blame Joop.

What's up, Joop?

And Joop, man, God bless Joop because every time he tries to call in,

he gets hung up on with something.

But hopefully tonight we get all.

Wait a minute.

It could be Brandon Vegas, too, you see, because it's his birthday.

So y'all give him a spanking.

Make sure he enjoys his birthday.

That's true.

Birthday boy, Brandon Vegas.

Brandon Vegas with the birthday.

All right, well, let's stop dwelling on that.

and let's try to make some calls here.

That's what everybody's here for.

Hey, that sounds good.

We've got, yeah.

Okay, well, we've got Lonesome Losers, always.

Thank you very much.

Who always provides so much for us.

I've got Sarah Kinkey.

Got an Oscar winner.

Where the hell is he at?

He's not in the chat.

Yeah, he's in the chat.

Dick Staines, Marlene, and Marlene Killa.

What's the name of that show, Caribbean Enthusiasm?

What was the name of that rapper?

Cold Cold Killer, something like that.

NASA, New York.

Are there any Jamaicans in NASA anymore?

This shit, man. I gotta get this from work, though.

You gonna answer it?

What the hell?

Hello?

Okay.

Alright, now I'm in the battery dime.

That's the battery dime?

Yeah, see, the battery's dime.

Why wouldn't you have the battery charged?

Well, don't worry, I got a battery.

Head after battery.

I got extra battery.

That's the crappy battery that doesn't hold the charge, so that's why.

But this Radio Shack battery here has been charging all day.

That's something about that.

You're on to Madhouse.

Hey.

What's up?

What's up, man?

I wanted to talk to you about this video I saw.

Yeah, you saw a video, huh?

I saw this video.

It's got this two-headed midget, and they were, like, in a kiddie pool full of Jell-O fucking shemales.

You got Lego?

That sounds fucking hot, man.

Really?

What kind of, was it grape Jell-O?

I got it from this Indian guy.

He's got Gandhi G.

Gandhi G?

Okay.

Well, is he a purveyor of porn, or, I mean, what?

No, he's some 7-Eleven guy, man.

What do you think?

He's fucking Indian.

What do you think they do?

Behind the counter?

Yeah, man.

It was, like, under the counter.

Under the counter.

That's even better.

So, anyway, I want to put this thing up on your website.

All right, well.

You know, or I want to try and sell it to the government.

How hot is, I mean, is her, is her.

Ah, she's a pig.

Yeah, good.

Well, that's, you know, this guy's a.

Two-headed midget.

She's a two-headed midget, dude.

Okay, all right, what about the money shot?

How hot could that be?

How good is the money shot?

Is it right on the, right on the.

The shemales, the shemales are good.

Okay.

I mean, the problem with shemales is they got, like, cocks the size of thimbles, you know.

I guess you can run with that one.

I mean, I'm not the expert on she-males, but...

That's not what I heard.

I'm pretty good with she-males.

I mean, you know, I like she-males.

I mean, I'm not, like, you know, I'm not, like, into it sexually,

but I just think they're funny as hell.

You know what?

I'd let a she-male blow me.

Fuck it, you know?

I'm a man.

I don't care.

Well, a hole's a hole.

If she looked hot, looked like a chick, if she looked like Pat Manning...

Well, see, I actually know...

Would you let it blow you?

Yeah, well, I mean, for me, a hole's a hole.

It doesn't matter.

Andy, you were saying...

Um, the guy who we could have had on the interview about the police shooting, he had his dick

sucked by a shemale before, so we would have had a lot of things.

No, I'm serious.

Louie had his dick sucked?

No, not Louie.

No?

What?

A-Ron.

A-Ron?

Yeah.

By a shemale?

That's what I heard.

Who's the dude that got his dick sucked at Daytona Beach on the beach?

Some, did it some black person?

No, no, that was my friend, that was probably also a shemale.

Okay.

That happened on Tampa, my friend Gary, he went out there and he just got laid off his

his job so they gave him like two thousand dollars severance money right so he bought a bunch of

drugs and he went to um tampa and he was on the beach for you know late at night he was all fucked

up and there's a woman in a van pulled over and it was like a tall black woman who's real thin

and she gave him a blow job and she took a picture of his dick and it was like four in the morning

i was like that was a dude yeah chicks don't do that that was a dude he's like i don't know what

it is with shemales though shemales just you know they take those steroids and then they're

fucking cock shriveled up into a little piece of fucking roast fried pork that don't even

make it off the end of the fork, you know?

Oh, what the...

I don't know why that happens to me.

Do you frequent Miami, or, I mean, I'm showing you...

Yeah, you should go to Miami.

Yeah, Miami.

That's where you should be.

Yeah.

Dude, I don't know where the fuck I'm from.

Whatever it is, I'm looking to get an HBO special, and I just wanted to make sure that

you...

We'll back you 100%.

I don't know.

Maybe not.

I mean, you're really into the She-Mail stuff, though.

Yeah, fuck it.

I'll do a whole HBO series on She-Mails, you know?

Whatever, we can do She-Mills and...

We could have She-Mills kick Mugman in the nuts over and over again.

Yeah, She-Mills...

You know, I think they had a group, didn't they?

Six with six.

What, with the Dixie Tix?

We're thinking about...

Milkman just stole something.

The Dixie Tix.

What are we in store for?

We're thinking about...

We're planning a trip to Canada, actually, to be honest with you.

Oh, Canada.

Our home in Native Land.

Something like that.

My home in sacred...

Native Land.

We stand on guard for the...

Whatever, you know, I like Indian men.

They like pissing videos there a lot.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, the guy who...

Yeah, I know who you're talking about.

That hardcore fucking porn all day long.

Run over and see that one?

It's only fetish.

You know who invented that was Miltman.

We could do a whole thing on each person.

I'm not sure they've done it.

They have a bunch of weird off-the-wall sexual documentaries and stuff.

I wouldn't doubt it that they've had something like that already.

I don't know.

So, what exactly are you...

Where exactly are you calling from and who do I have in mind?

Would you like to plug your show?

You sound very sexually frustrated.

Yeah, my show is called...

Oh, we're talking to Lego?

Oh, what's up, Lego?

What's up, man?

Millman did say that at the beginning.

Oh, he did?

I wasn't paying attention.

Yeah, you...

I didn't say...

Carl Collins is busy bogarting the weed.

He wasn't paying attention to his radio show.

Well, hey, man.

First, I want to thank you for providing me with the ability to broadcast, for sure.

Oh, no problem.

Because we're on.

Thanks for your service.

We'll be fucking plugged on.

Oh, no, I'm sure we won't.

Oh, no, you had a great show Tuesday.

You were on Tuesday night, right?

I did.

You know what?

It wasn't a great show.

I was just getting my feet wet.

Cool.

You heard AP the Gimp on Monday on the Demiris show.

Yeah, I did.

I remember that.

Sounds good.

Who is it that does the, who speaks like the Jamaican?

He's awesome.

Oh, that's Great Scott.

Great Scott.

He's great.

So he's white, though, right?

But he does a, right?

Or am I wrong?

He's the only white Jewish guy that can pick up the dialect.

I think the BC boys are also white Jewish people.

all you see that guy will tell that'll get the jamaican in you that's for sure well uh no so

you're on okay so you're on of course on monday nights with billy mirror right friends of bill

i'm with billy mirror we brought off you anybody listened to the show but

bam he's getting it yeah i remember i heard this i heard about that on monday so that's why he

wasn't on well he came on the show later on right he didn't start the show yeah you got there that

sounds like carlos got there we're in orlando florida actually because i was gonna that'd

be great yeah anytime you're in new york you know just hit me yeah i was i was in new york

actually in July.

Me and my girlfriend are planning a trip up there in April

probably, April or May.

When you come up to New York,

you'll visit Two Headed Missions.

Most definitely. Dr. Leggo, thank you very much for

calling and being on the show that night.

I didn't do a call.

Dr. Leggo, do you want to go ahead and do a call?

I can set you up here. We can put you

on the spot. Call. Call whoever you want.

Let me tell you what I

have available here. I've got the Boogie Woogie

Pizza in Hawaii.

We got Anita Shett, S-H-E-T, out of New York, close to you.

There's some old lady answers earlier.

We got Dick and Anita Cunts, New York also.

And I got Anita Dollar.

The Boogie Woogie Pizza, it's Pahoa, Hawaii.

P-A-H-O-A, Pahoa.

There's an old lady answer there?

That's weird.

All right, well, we'll check it out.

All right, man.

Well, everybody, hang on the line.

I always wanted to know what pizza is.

It's called Boogie Woogie Pizza?

Boogie Woogie Pizza, Inc., yeah.

On my show, I got a plan on my show.

So I call people in Hawaii because over there it's like 6 p.m. maybe right now.

I think something like that.

It's not too late.

That's a good idea.

As long as you've got that bondage, you don't have to pay for that shit.

Well, we use phone cards, but it's still cheap.

Phone cards, bondage, yeah.

Everybody, hang on the line, please.

We're going to come back.

We'll have Dr. Lego on doing a prank call to the Boogie Woogie Pizza Company.

I don't know.

Pizza Place, I guess, in Hawaii.

It'll be just one moment.

You're listening to the Madhouse.

It's 1020 p.m.

We're sorry.

Sorry, due to network difficulties, we cannot complete your call.

That's bullshit.

Click the button up and try again.

Bitch.

You son of a bitch.

You bitch.

Bag of bitch.

Son of a bitch.

Let's try one more time.

Maybe we can't.

Maybe Hawaii's gone.

Move another number.

Did it even ring?

The business is going to come back and cuss me out again.

It's working or no?

Hey, faggot, call someone else.

Yeah, I guess this is what it is.

Yeah, they got some kind of network problem.

I don't know what the hell.

Hawaii's gone.

Apparently, Hawaii has been wiped off the face of the earth.

All right, well, stuck on that.

Okay, well, let's try another number.

We can try Anita Shett, S-H-E-T.

You want to try that?

Yeah, go ahead.

All right, here we go.

Thank you for bearing with my technical problems, and I just couldn't even hear you.

You're current.

Using the background.

Five hours, ten minutes, twenty-nine seconds.

Shett?

Who is this, please?

Is this you?

Yeah, my name is...

Yeah, hello, this is Murray Katz.

I'm with Con Ed.

How you doing?

them over there, and we're going to have to shut you and the people you know off for a

while.

Yeah, that's true.

To interrupt the service for a little while, so, you know, it's probably your vibrator,

nothing's going to work.

I'm sorry, what are you talking about?

I'm saying a couple of these little pygmy kittens got into the line, you know, like

the cat, the mother cat gave birth, put them out, you know, and we're going to have to

shut you down, people you know around you, so you're not going to have lights or TV or

your vibrator, nothing's going to work.

You won't be able to shave it, nothing.

Okay.

For about 35 minutes.

Okay.

Can you hang in with us?

When are you going to do that?

We're going to do that in about five minutes.

Okay.

Let me ask you something.

Other than that, how have you been enjoying your electrical experience?

You know, I have to tell my boss.

I have to take a little...

I just want to make sure everybody's happy.

I'm monitoring the car right now.

I am the boss.

Yeah, I didn't have a complaint.

Ma'am, this is...

So you're happy?

You're happy then?

Yeah.

Ma'am, this is Jack Valente.

All the stuff.

I mean, what do you mainly use electricity for?

Do you use it for cooking or do you have gas for cooking?

Gas.

Yeah, I got bad gas myself.

But I was wondering, because sometimes when my wife, she plugs in the vibrator, the lights go dim.

Okay.

So what about you? What are you doing tonight? Were you watching TV or anything?

I think there's some problems. If you post a message, then that's good enough.

I just wanted to make sure. I didn't want to interrupt what you were doing,

Because as I said, we're gonna have to cut the circuit for a little while because the pygmy kittens got into the line

And you know, we don't want last thing we want to do is blow up these little kittens

They'll be all over the place. You know what I'm saying? And then we get bad press

What do you mean? I just need to know do you shave? Can I tell you?

Freaking out on the vibrator the end. I think the vibrator. That's about all you're gonna get out of me tonight

It was still a good call. She chooses very dense. That's all it was

She just was a stupid

Foreign exchange student

I'm sorry for trying to step over you

In that call

Not at all

I think the boogie woogie pizza would have been good

I had a cool idea for that

Hopefully I get Hawaii to work it out

We'll get them next time

I can save that number for you

You guys go

Enjoy that

I'm going to be listening

I'm going to check out what you guys do

That's it for now

Yeah, I guess, so I appreciate you having me on, and again, you know, you guys rock it out tonight,

we'll be listening here, me and Kimmy, and we'll get some laughs, hopefully.

Good deal, well, I'm sure you will, thank you very much for having us and being on the air,

and we bid you good luck, and I'll talk to you soon.

Oh, definitely, man, we'll be in touch, and when you guys come up to New York, you're my guest.

Right on, and don't be a stranger down here either, and feel free to call in any time.

Yeah, if you come down here, you can stay at Carlos' mom's house.

All right, guys. Have a good night.

Later.

Take care.

All right, well, that was Dr. Lego, everybody.

Yeah, Dr. Lego in the house.

Who provides our server space on PCU.

He gives us our voice.

Is that what you call him?

Milkman always calls him The Voice.

He's the voice of PCU.

I'm way modulated right now.

Hang on.

Yeah, well, is it your turn?

It's Ben.

It's all Ash.

Sounds weird, right?

What does?

It's, like, really loud.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I guess they need that, right?

KDK in the house.

Yeah, KDK's in the house.

Welcome to KDK in the chat room.

And everybody else, I haven't said yet, but if you are listening and not in chat, by all means, join us.

I don't even know how many listeners.

I'm not even monitoring that.

Okay.

I'll clear some shit out of here.

Open up.

Yeah, if you want to join the chat room, go to kdkprankcalls.com.

Once again, that's kdkprankcalls.com.

and you can join the PCU chat where there are quite a few number of people in there right now.

Also, you can try madhouselive.com, and I have links available to the chat room there

as well as all my archived shows, archived calls, news of the site,

which hasn't been updated in three weeks, but I believe by Friday night at this time

I'll have a pretty substantial update with some archived stuff and some new calls from the show

and some new information for you all.

So be sure to check that out tonight if you haven't yet

and keep in tabs tomorrow and over the weekend it will be updated.

All right, enough of that.

Milkman, he was talking about Crab Girl.

Is that what he was talking about at first, do you think?

I'm not sure if he's referring to Crab Girl.

I think he just had a whole depraved groove going there, man.

He was flowing with it.

Yeah, well, we thank him for being on.

Everybody be sure to listen to him also.

I guess he's going to be on the 11th for sure, he said.

Definitely.

Okay, Tuesdays maybe, I guess maybe before or with or after Reclude or something.

I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know how that schedule is going to work out,

but definitely it's going to be good, especially if we've got both of them on Tuesdays.

Oh, my God.

Look out.

It's going to be a hot night Tuesday.

No, man, you're going to have to get extra meth.

Yeah, you've got to stay up now.

Tuesday was just double-dose meth Tuesday.

day it's cool man just give me that bowl okay i'll be all right see milkman he's i think he's

done lsd and shit probably oh man it seems like a like a fun guy like look man we were were you

alive in the 60s how old were you in the 60s yes i was born in 1917 and i'm gonna be 87 years old

uh uh uh

and I got a

I got a

rascal scooter

someone's talking

some bullshit

I think

why will I

1917

what

so slow

booyah

they gong

them

yeah

we give gongs

to people

we just

you know

don't make

money

don't make

money

he gets into

this tirade

sometimes with

the elderly

voice

the first time

I ever talked

to him he

called the show

and he kept

talking like an

old man

so who is

this

oh it's me

I was like

alright I gotta

go now

You know, it's like I was trying to do a call with KDK, and he wouldn't stop.

It was so funny.

I was having a horrible night.

Listen to him over there.

That was classy.

It's the beginning of a great tradition.

The 99 bottles of beer on the wall.

Hey, there's a number here in New Smyrna, Andy.

What was that?

New Smyrna.

That's close to us.

It's about, what, 45 minutes from here?

Yeah, they're closest to the driveway where it beat us up.

Exactly.

Well, that's Chester the Molester Pranker.

It's Chester Pranker.

And we can call him out

We'll say Chester the Molester

That's what they used to say

Who would get me if I was bad when I was a child

You know who should call in

Nobody wants me

I know someone who could call in and call Chester Pranko

Let's see if he does call in

He's not in the chat room

That would be cool if Prankmaster were to call in at one point

That would be great

I don't think he'll ever come back to the chat room

Never call in the show

What do you think sir?

Miltman

Miltman what's your opinion?

I think we'll hopefully

That's wrong Miltman you're wrong

That's alright

right i get paid to be wrong son look when you get paid to what are you you have you run a few

networks over there in the virgin islands and stuff um i do uh actually i do uh computer repairs

and um got me got me a little shop a little kind of a business hookup business on the side

okay and uh then when i'm not doing that i'm working in the refinery i'm a safety manager and

uh any t uh inspection instructor all that kind of good so yeah you make gas you work for company

They make gas.

Huh?

You guys make gas?

It's pretty cool how they do it.

Okay.

Yeah, they take these black beans and they mash them down and they feed them to a bunch

of humans.

There's a boob on that.

They stick their asses up against a hose, man.

You should leave the boob on in the middle of all.

Yeah.

We're not filming this, man.

This is a tough crowd.

Am I at the Apollo?

It's a tough crowd here.

I don't know.

He kills.

Yeah.

All right.

So, all right.

We got to do calls.

Oh, it was Dick Staines.

I think I've called Dick Staines before.

I'm going to call him Dick Staines in Texas.

He's been on our list.

He's been on our list for a while.

He's probably like a jaded veteran.

Like, you really can't bother him.

Like, what?

They sure do.

Well, hey, the 99 bottles of beer in the hall of restaurants.

Well, listen here.

Y'all want to call my cousin.

His name's Cockspot.

Oh, damn.

I've been rubbing the wood, too.

The bong is good, right?

Yeah, that was the gong.

The gong is good.

No, the gong is bad on the gong show, though.

Yeah, but no, it's good on you.

It's good on the madhouse.

I don't know.

I think it should be gone when I hang up on somebody if it was a bad call.

It should be the secret.

Whatever.

We're rambling off on nothing.

99 bottles of beer in the wall restaurant and pub in Santa Cruz, California.

A Latino guy answered at 1031.

We can try that.

Mila.

It's not Mila, man.

It's Mila.

Mila.

M-I-R-A.

You don't know how to pronounce it.

No, it's Mila.

Mila, Mila.

Oh.

Mila.

Look, look.

Anyway, I've got to find Mila.

Mila, Mila, Mila.

If you're going gonging, you better be careful, Andy.

Gonging is good, we said already.

You're not paying attention, man.

There you go.

That's a cheer.

Hang on, everybody.

We'll be right back after this.

Well, I'm in deep.

Man, I'm so far away from this mic today.

And I'm getting his headset so it'll connect so we can both talk on the phone.

Yeah, that's right.

Hey, I'm on up to the Nicky.

Hey, Nicky, how you doing, son of a bitch?

Hello?

Nicky the boy.

Hello?

Nikki, what's up?

Oh, it's a W. I was just kidding. Sorry.

Well, let me talk to Nikki.

Why are you making fun of Nikki?

This is Nikki.

Yeah, Nikki, what's up?

Why are they making fun of you?

Hello?

Some dude was just on the phone, and he was making fun of you.

He said he was Nikki.

That's all right.

How old are you?

I'm a mom.

Yeah, Carlito, the host of Madhouse Radio.

You're on the air.

I'm sorry, what's your name?

I'm Carlito.

Hold on. I can't hear you at all.

God damn it. I'm Carlito.

Hey, who am I talking to?

This is Carlito.

Carlito.

Yes, I'm calling.

You're live on the air on my radio show.

I'm live on your air.

Yes, on the radio show.

You're on Madhouse Radio right now, man.

Right on.

What are we doing?

All right.

Well, you need to have a conversation with me,

and I want you to tell me what the hell we're going to talk about.

Damn it.

What the hell are we going to talk about?

Okay.

Love Madhouse Live.

There are three words that I'm thinking.

There's one more that I'm thinking of.

You get three chances.

that I'll be asking for, calling your place.

If you pick it, you will win.

Okay, so we're talking about you calling my place.

Yeah.

And you have three words in mind.

If I pick one, I win?

I have one word, and you get three chances.

And if you pick it, then you win.

All right, let's do it.

All right, and begin.

Fear.

No.

Do you have any clues here or anything?

I just have to guess the random thing.

You get two power clues.

Would you like to use one of them now?

Yeah, I do.

Power clue.

Go ahead.

What?

Go ahead with the power clue.

You have ten seconds left.

I need a clue.

Hurry up.

Ask for a clue.

Yes or no question.

Oh, I'm asking you for a clue.

Is it involve my restaurant?

Yes.

Okay, that's my power clue, right?

You have one power clue left, but you must make a guess once again.

Guess number two.

I'm just trying to guess.

The word to ask to do is my work.

That's right.

Let's see here.

Burger.

No, you're wrong.

I'm not doing very good, am I?

No.

Would you like to use your last power clue?

I would like to use my last power clue.

That sounds so hot how you say that.

Wow.

Power clue two.

Go ahead.

Power clue two.

Do I have to?

Oh, man.

It is not a power two.

You have been disqualified.

I did.

No, it's okay.

Ask her to do a promo.

Am I disqualified?

No, no, no.

Keep going.

Go ahead.

A yes or no question.

You have 10 seconds.

That's what I was going to say.

Is it an answer no question?

Yes.

And you answered it for me.

Yes.

So, next question.

Does it involve anybody working here?

No, it does not.

And I only have one more guess left.

That's right.

Good luck.

You have 52 seconds.

Sucker.

You have 49 seconds.

Sure.

You have 61 seconds left.

10 seconds left.

John.

No.

No, the correct answer is cheese.

That's the wrong answer.

Cheese.

Yay, cheese.

Cheese?

You love cheese.

You love cheese?

Yeah.

Let me hear you say it.

You're listening to the Madhouse on PCU Radio, and I love cheese.

On TV?

No, you love cheese.

I love cheese, and you're listening to the Madhouse.

All right, let's try it one more time without me talking.

You say, you're listening to the Madhouse, and I love cheese.

Okay.

You're listening to The Madhouse, and I love cheese.

Excellent.

Well, thank you very much for participating.

No problem.

Would you like a consolation prize?

I would love a consolation prize.

All right.

Well, we'll send it down there to the pizza place.

All right.

Yes.

We're going to send you $5 off admission to the Walt Disney World Wild World of Sports

convention, which will be coming to

Hawaii

in 2008.

Yeah!

Suck my dick!

Have her go to Madhouse Live

and check out her call.

Yes, please visit MadhouseLive.com

MadhouseLive.com

You got it.

Can you say that for me? MadhouseLive.com

MadhouseLive.com

Great. How old are you?

I'm 24. You're 24?

What year were you born?

80.

Does that count?

I'll be 25, turning a quarter century here November 2nd.

Wow, we were talking earlier tonight, that's when it all hits the fan.

We've got a 24-year-old in Vegas.

It's all downhill after 25.

Oh, shit, no, it only gets better after 25.

I'm 26 now, and I'm so depressed.

Yeah, I'm just going to keep getting richer and more successful and hotter,

and life is going to be good.

So you're going to get hotter?

Are you going to get that surgery?

No, I don't need no stinking surgery.

surgery. You're gonna leave the dick on? I don't need that. All natural. We're ready

to go. How big are your breasts? 25 and it's gonna be great from there. How big are your

breasts this is? Not big enough. But I'm okay with that. You're gonna get that surgery then.

No surgery. I don't need it. Are you a B? Am I what? Are you a B at least? Yeah. Alright.

You're not a C though. No. Borderline. Alright. Depends. Alright. Well hey. What do you prefer

You prefer in bed, being on top, or what?

What would you say?

I think I can narrow that down.

You can narrow that down?

I don't think I can.

Oh, really?

So you like it all then?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah?

Most of it.

Have you ever tried doing it in the shower?

Of course.

Does it work?

It does not work.

That's impossible unless you're an athlete.

I'm sorry.

You're with the wrong people.

All right.

Well, look.

Are you double-jointed?

Yeah.

Are you double-jointed?

Yeah.

Really?

Okay.

Nice.

What kind of underwear do you like to wear?

Are you a thong kind of girl or what?

Both, baby

Okay, alright

That's great for you

And you work at a pizza place?

No, I work at a beer place

Oh, it's a beer place

All along I thought this was beer

So yeah, I put you at a disadvantage

Because I would have thought

It's a beer place, we have a hundred different kinds of beer

We got to play the game over again

Not so much.

We've got more burgers.

We've got to play the game over.

Yeah, we can play the game over if you'd like.

Yeah, seriously, I deserve a second chance.

I don't have it in me right now.

Yeah.

I don't have it in me right now, but I'll gladly call you later.

Yeah, you call me again.

We'll play this again.

I get a better advantage next time.

Who is this now, Nicky?

Nicky?

Yeah.

We're going to call you back, Nicky.

Yeah, we'll call you back.

Love you, Nicky.

You do it.

All right, then.

Well, you have a good night.

Thank you.

Hey, you too.

Thanks a lot.

What's your what now?

I don't like it.

her that's the best person we met so far we got promos from her yeah she's really nice i've been

wanting to hear i don't think i didn't think she heard with the the cut off the dick part yeah

thank goodness you wild man she was too busy yappy yappy yappy someone turned open she's so

happy she was on the air i know she was here a crazy high pitch noise what is that that's the

bitch upstairs fucking running the shower again oh my god how many showers does she need to take

She tastes like three showers.

Well, I take three showers, too, a day, though.

That's why your feet hurt.

No, no.

I'm diabetic.

Joop wants to know.

Joop should call.

Joop, yeah, please.

Call in.

So we got to call her back and play the game with Nikki.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Let me figure out who I want.

Joop, yeah, call in.

You got the number, I'm sure.

Let me send it to him in chat, just in case.

Joop is wanting to call in.

All right, there you go, Joop.

I'm just sending him in the chat room.

If he's listening and he didn't know, now he knows.

Please call in.

So we can try to make up for the last four or five times you've called in and something.

We should just hang up on him.

Hey, Juve, hi.

Hey, fuck you.

Click.

We want to do it.

I promise we want to do that.

Well, then he called me.

He called me a bastard here just not too long ago.

He's a bastard.

I mean, that's friendly.

Yeah, it was a friendly guy.

That's cool.

You can take a little bit of a gong then.

Yeah, all right.

Well, we got away from the call.

Oh, Alienware in the chat room has sent me a number to a guy named Mike, I think he said.

No.

Name is nothing.

Don't say anything.

He got, and then he gave me the number.

I got a number.

Name is blank.

That's weird.

I got no writing skills.

I have a number.

All right.

I saw a website today which was showing protesters who write, like, misspelled stuff on signs.

Yeah, I like that.

It was funny.

I would always spell check.

Yeah.

I know, right?

Well, as I worked today, I noticed one of the signs.

I was hung up on a core, but it had a grammatical error on it.

I was really upset.

Was it like a comma misplaced or something like that?

No, I don't think, like, most people were going too stupid to figure it out anyway, so I left it.

All right, fair enough.

You're on the madhouse.

Hello.

Hey, what's up?

Nothing, what's up with you, dude?

Not much.

Good to have you back on the air.

How you been?

I've been terrific.

How about you?

Pretty good, pretty good.

So, hopefully we don't have any issues tonight, eh?

Yeah, do you got, like, the phone cards and everything working?

Yeah, phone cards and the phones juiced up.

and the mics are working

there should be no

god damn excuse to do it

but then again

I did almost have trouble

getting Dr. Lego

to do a call

but let's try to work it out

so

who do you

now you like calling

businesses right

yeah

let's give him

the boogie woogie pizza

well he could call

Chuck E. Cheese pizza

oh yeah

he sounds like a kid

yeah he could call

Chuck E. Cheese pizza

how did Chuck E. Cheese

touch you

Chuck E. Cheese touched you

or he could say

well I don't know

I'll have to say

he's lost in there

or something like that

I don't know

or he lost his shoes

you know

when you get in the ballroom

you have to put

you gotta take your shoes off

You can say that.

Tell him.

Oh, I don't know.

Jupe, you have any ideas you could do if you're called Chuck E. Cheese?

Yeah, that's, um, if I could, if I could film a porno there or something.

Something weird.

I just call as a kid.

You gotta call as a kid.

What's wrong with Jupe's voice?

You got a cold?

Yeah, Jupe, what are you doing?

What, are you hitting puberty?

You're going to be worthless.

Yeah, Jupe, this is Jupe.

Yeah, what's going on?

All right, I'll call as a kid.

Is that what you guys want?

Fine.

That's all you ever want before.

Almost like, man.

Jupe, we love you.

Um, okay.

Oh, hey, I want to go to the people at Hank's Junior Pizza, really.

Hank's Junior Pizza, Pizza Meats, Beer Bellies Bar and Grill, and I got the Beer King also.

You can try to call the Beer King also.

I got Poo-Bah Record Shop.

Yeah, that sounds good.

Poo-Bah.

Let's call it Chuck E. Cheese.

All right.

Well, he wants to say Chuck E. Cheese.

Well, if it's good for you, it's good for us.

All right, everybody, hang on.

We got Joop on the line, and he's going to be calling a Chuck E. Cheese.

And we'll let him roll with it, see what happens.

We'll be right back in just one moment.

You're listening to The Madhouse.

It's now 10.51 on, uh...

The hell was that?

The Madhouse.

That was, uh, the noise.

That bitch upstairs is making noise now.

The fuck is she doing?

I hate her so much, man.

God, she's hot, though.

Annie, what do I play here?

I'm looking.

I wasn't understanding that.

What's that bitch's problem?

Chuck E. Cheese.

Backup music.

Kind of rich.

Chuck E. Cheese.

I just wanted to call to say to you,

I was there.

there. I wanted to get in the ball pit

and I wear these, like, correctional

shoes. They help my

feet be regular and stuff.

And then, like, I got in the ball pit

and you guys were like, take off them

shoes! And I was like, hey,

these are correctional shoes. I gotta

wear them or else my feet will get

all fucked up and mangled and shit.

And then you was like, hey,

you can't do that.

You gotta take them shoes off.

So you kicked me out and you gave

So now I'm calling you, and I'm going to say, you guys are fucking assholes.

I love you.

Love.

Enter your destination number now.

What the hell happened?

She hung up.

She said, I love you, and she hung up.

That was weird that she said, I love you.

That was creepy.

Yeah, let's call her back.

You've just been listening to a sample of The Madhouse.

If you like what you hear, be sure to listen in every Thursday night at 9.15 p.m. on PCU Radio,

Your number one source for live and recorded prank calls.

For more information, visit madhouselive.com or kdkprankcalls.com.

It's an exclusive of PCU Radio Madhouse Live.

I'll take it from here.

Juke, tell Juke.

Hey, tell Juke to have it.

The little black boy stole his sandals.

God damn it.

He said they were reparations.

Yeah, stole his Nikes.

Yeah, hang on, Juke.

Can you speak up, please?

Yes, can you speak up, please?

Hold on.

We can hear that faggot.

Chuck E. Cheese has the worst phones.

We shouldn't call Chuck E. Cheese.

They have no phones.

Did they have good pizza there?

No, I'm saying it's horrible.

Yeah, hello?

Hello, can you hear me?

Wow.

What the hell's the matter with you?

Hey, is this Chuck E. Cheese?

Yeah.

Look, my son just called over there.

Some black kid stole his goddamn shoes,

and he called over there looking for him,

and someone just hung up on him.

Just now?

Just now, we were just in there.

One of them black kids was in there, stole his shoes.

He went into the ball pit.

The black kid came around, took his own shoes, threw them at him.

And then my son, all he had to defend himself with was those gay-ass balls

you had there full of bacteria.

Didn't do anything.

And then the kid runs around with his shoes because they were Nikes.

You know how much I paid for those shoes?

Hello?

Explain yourself, boy.

How kind of business are you running there?

Hello, sir.

Wow.

Yeah.

Chuck E. Cheese, can I help you?

Wouldn't it suck to work at Chuck E. Cheese?

It's good, man.

I hate kids.

If you're allowed to punch children, I'd...

Damn it, man.

Anyway, Jew, it's not working out.

What?

Yeah, it's...

Let's just call somewhere else.

All right, you want to try the Beer King?

I've got Puba Record Shop.

I've got Santa Barbara Checker Cab.

I've got Cousins.

What was the record shop again?

Puba.

P-O-O-B-A-H.

Puba.

All right.

I'll call the Beer King.

All right, the Beer King.

Here we go.

Beer Cane, San Diego, California.

Hopefully this one works better.

We'll be right back in a moment.

We got some huge tits.

Doty, you got some huge tits, Doty?

What the hell?

Hello?

I don't know.

They got us on hold.

Hi, you've reached Beer Cane.

Sorry, we are currently unable to answer your call right now.

Please leave your name.

You fucking cunt.

You fucking bitch.

You bitch cunt.

That's right, you will.

Let's have a little hot and cold and talk to Doty.

What's Doty?

Is that an A-Rab?

Hey, wait, wait, wait.

Hold up on that one there.

What's wrong, Milman?

man god that's a special request i didn't think he's even looking at it yet oh yeah

this place talking about that has nothing to do with fear yeah forget this i don't know

they're just like chilling in the back yeah i guess so yeah how are you gonna put someone

on hold and then talk yeah exactly well let's let's call nautica and give him somebody live

yeah yeah nautica what the hell yeah let her cut him out like a kid we could try the beer

beer bellies bar and grill.

There we go.

And I'll do the whole plan

that we had before.

I'll call as a dad,

I'm pissed off.

Or Zolar is asking,

you can ask if beer,

if it's true that beer

grows hair on your balls

because your girlfriend

won't give you sex

until you grow hair.

All right.

Okay.

All right.

Well, let's see what happens.

Hang on.

That's a request from Zolar,

putting Joop on the spot.

We'll be right back,

everybody.

Let's try again.

I'll do that.

All right.

Hang on.

Longest setup ever.

Jesus.

Please enter your

23-centimeter.

There, Joop.

Enter your destination number.

Alright, good.

Three, five...

We're sorry.

Where's your ball?

They hit.

Two, zero, nine, three, five, eight, two...

Hang on.

Damn it, why doesn't anything ever work?

Because you're a loser.

Yeah.

Because I called.

Yeah.

The gods will not allow Joop to make a call.

If you were to do so, the world would end.

Okay, change of plans.

We're calling Cousins Deli Pizza and Ice Cream.

This has got to be a redneck place, right?

Where's that at?

Cousins.

This isn't Hawaii, though.

Hey, this is Cousins.

Wait, is this the beer place?

Yeah.

No, it's a deli pizza ice cream place.

Hello.

And who am I speaking with right now?

Cousins.

It's a restaurant.

And what do you do there?

What do you wish?

What can I do for you?

We sell food.

That's what we do.

An internet service.

Well, me and my girlfriend are trying to consummate our love child.

For what child?

We're trying to consummate our love child.

And she was on Zip-In and noticed I'm, well, you know, I'm as bald as an eagle, you know.

So, like, I was trying to think of ways that I could grow hair on, like, my balls.

You need to talk to a physician because we don't know.

No, I'm trying to confirm something.

You know, unless it's specifically for the restaurant or, I mean, in the area.

It is specifically for the, it is.

Okay, what is it?

And don't get fresh with me, please.

I'm trying to say, what I'm trying to say is,

is it true that beer makes you grow your pubes out?

What a fact.

What an asshole.

He sounded gay from the beginning.

You're making me sick.

I don't need to stand for this.

Oh, my God.

Did you say pubes?

Click.

Disgusting.

Please enter your destination number now.

I'm going to throw up.

Damn it, that beer bellies whatever.

Whatever.

Lonesome sent it to me, but he left a number out, so I couldn't call it.

We should officially boycott that restaurant in Hawaii.

Yeah, we should.

Nobody, if you live in Hawaii, don't go to that place.

Cousins Deli Pizza.

Yeah, they suck.

They're a bunch of assholes, and they're homosexuals.

We're going to do a bunch of douchebags.

Yeah, we're going to demand that that guy gets fired, or else we'll boycott them.

We should call them back and tell them.

I'm going to tell them that I'm the father, and that my son was upset that someone was very rude to him.

Hang on.

What are you talking to?

Let's threaten your authorization code now.

Jupe, you remember his name?

Wait a minute.

You have two dollars to send.

He described it as a rude fag.

Please enter your destination number.

Okay, I'll give this number back.

Current balance will allow you to talk for one hour, 20 minutes, 59 seconds.

You there, Jupe?

Yeah.

What are we doing?

I'm calling to give him shit for talking to you like he did.

You remember his name?

I guess not.

Hi, look, my son is very distraught.

He just called over there, and someone was, damn you,

someone, my son just called over there,

and someone was talking very nasty to him on the phone.

I am speaking to somebody right now, but I'm in the food business.

I'm not in for any other kind of business.

Then why in the world would you be...

Do you need to order something?

Why?

Excuse me, I'm speaking.

I'm speaking, damn you.

Why in the world would you speak...

I'm not going to talk to you because it's not pertaining to this business.

Why would you speak to my son about testicles?

I'll retain you.

I'm sorry.

I'm not discussing any more further with you.

Goodbye.

Well, I'm going to...

What is your name, son of a bitch?

Listen here, Bruce.

What a cock, man.

Fuck that guy.

That guy's a dick.

Yeah, he is.

Well, if you want to try one more, we've got the beer bellies, whatever, the one we tried before.

It's working now.

I have the full number.

No, I don't.

Okay.

No, I don't, actually.

Something's going on with it.

Oh.

The way he's sending it, it's not showing it right.

All right, let me try and copy and paste again.

Ah, come on, now.

I don't know.

Um, I don't have it.

I'm sorry.

Um, Jupe, I think I was going to have to take a break here, and, um, I can't figure

this, can't figure the number out.

But we had some pretty decent calls, at least.

What?

I said we had some pretty decent calls, at least, but I think I'm going to have to go

ahead and go to a breakdown.

I can't get that number to work here.

All right.

Yeah, you see, I don't know.

I don't know.

Jube, this always happens when you call in, but at least we got some calls going through.

Is Prankmaster really in the chat room?

Yeah.

Yeah, he is in the chat room.

Prankmaster is in the chat room.

Jube, what do you think about Prankmaster?

What are your thoughts on the situation?

He's a disgusting, vile...

Okay.

Yeah.

Those are your thoughts?

Did he ever do anything to you, Jube?

Like, touch you?

No, but, like, when I had a show, he, like, wanted to come to my house.

How did I know he's a child molester?

I don't know what would have happened had he come to my house.

He doesn't seem much of a groomer, but I don't know.

I'll just drop my highlighter.

Okay.

Go ahead, Andy.

I was going to say, Jubal.

Later.

I was going to say, Jubal, we could come over and let him know.

Bye-bye.

Let's talk to strangers, Andy.

I see you're a stranger.

Okay.

Chat room right now.

I guess Prankmaster's joined, and he's claiming, as he said before, that it's a lie, that it's not true.

And I am in the belief that we really don't know if it's true or not, so maybe we should just hold judgment.

Andy, are you pissed off that I took that sticker off your lighter?

No.

Okay, I always do.

Was that my lighter?

Yeah, the yellow one.

Yeah, why is it over there?

Give me that back.

I was playing with it, and I took the sticker off.

You suck.

Milkman, have you stolen any lighters in your life?

Milkman.

What?

How long has Milkman been gone?

I don't know.

Look.

He gets so angry.

Milkman, are you there?

He must be in the bathroom or something.

He must be taking a shit or something.

He's sick.

Joop's in the chat room now.

Joop's going to...

So DTT seems to believe that he's guilty.

DTT is very easily influenced, but he's cool, I mean, he comes in and all, he's, yeah, see,

Prankmas is defending himself, and everybody is, uh, be sure to understand that, I mean,

there's two sides to every story, and do we really know it's true, what his mom said?

Apparently his mom told somebody that, um, oh, Milkman, we gotta disconnect that, uh,

he needs to quit that chat.

Look, man, uh, I'm sure you're listening to the stream, get out of that conference

call.

Am I muted?

And as soon as you do that, I will call you directly, and we'll get that worked out.

I wonder who this is.

Oh, it's Vegas.

Wow, Vegas.

You know, I haven't called Vegas in a while.

Scenas are always interesting.

You're in the madhouse.

What's up?

It's Brandon Vegas.

Oh, what's up, Brandon Vegas?

How you doing?

Not good, huh?

Hey, man.

So, what's up?

Are you in the chat room right now, man?

Yeah, I'm in there.

All right, good.

And it's your birthday tonight, right?

I can't get to my applause right now, but if I could, I would most definitely play.

All right, so you're in the mood to do a prank call, or are you calling in just to shoot the shit?

I sent Milkman the number for the local bar I usually go to.

Okay, oh, that's yours.

Yeah, it is.

Okay, right, the girl with the big-ass titties.

I didn't want to do the call because I'd recognize my voice.

I'd rather go in there and have her tell me the story,

and I'm going to try not to laugh

if she tells me the story

about a crazy phone call she got.

Oh, okay.

All right, well, how about this?

We can try.

You can stay on the line here if you want.

We can go online, too, so...

Yeah.

All right, well...

Oakman told me to call in.

Okay, cool.

Well, most definitely.

I'll get that...

Excuse me.

I'll call that as soon as I can.

Probably as soon as I come back from the break.

Be sure to be listening, all right?

All right, man, all right.

All right, and I'll talk to you later.

How was that?

We're going to do that call.

Yeah, that's what I want.

And then, you know, we can give him a letter and be like, look, bitch, I did that to you.

See what you do at any time.

Exactly, yeah.

Any time, fear me.

Yeah, I wonder what she looks like.

I can get losers the fuck with you on the phone.

Hey, man.

You did time.

Why don't you call me a loser?

You're here, too.

I just proved everything.

Milkman.

Hello.

Hey, Milkman.

Hey.

Milkman.

I fell down off of my walker.

Milkman.

And I was waiting for you to come back and rescue me.

Hello, Milkman, you're on the air.

Okay.

Hey, what's up, man?

All right, man.

Milkman.

Yeah, I fell off my walker.

Can you hear me?

Hello, Milkman.

Hello.

Hey, what's up, man?

All right, I fell off my walker.

Milkman, you there?

Hi, Milkman.

Yes, I am.

Milkman.

What's up, man?

I've just been messing with you the whole time.

Hi.

What the hell?

Hi.

Yeah, what was that?

Yay?

Yay.

Let's hear the yay.

Yay.

That's very crazy.

I had Zolar calling, but I didn't get to him in time.

What happened to Brandon Vegas?

He didn't want to do the call.

He doesn't want his voice to be recognized.

Oh, okay.

Well, I sent you the information.

He wanted you to call it, Carlito.

Yeah, exactly.

For a birthday present.

Yeah, I'll do that.

Yeah, it's a birthday.

No problem.

We'll talk to Dodie.

That sounds good to me.

Is that the same Dodie who killed Princess Di?

That's the question.

Yeah, Dodie and her big beauties.

Woo!

All right.

I like how McNamara, she has some big tits.

What else is going on

In the chat room right now

So

What

Can you touch me

Yeah we're looking at the chat room

So Prankmaster came back in

And he's defending himself

Of course

I haven't been reading that at all

Prankmaster can you touch me

KDK's asking if he's not

Alright

Let's

Let's avoid the negative

I think Cody Gifford in there

Is going to drive him crazy

Yeah exactly

Prankmaster really showed up

Well welcome back Prankmaster

Yeah well yeah it's good

Prankmaster you know

He says he's innocent, and it's a lie.

He's innocent, yeah.

And until he's more proof, then I will absolve my judgment.

That's just what I decided to do.

That's how I roll.

I don't make decisions until I know more facts.

Exactly.

The jury's out on that one.

He's not guilty until proven guilty, as far as I'm concerned.

And he said himself, oops, can you get that for me?

Yeah, hold on.

I forgot.

I told her I was not going to do that.

Ah, jeez.

Athena's on.

Hey, the car leader, the calls are going fabulous tonight.

Are they really fabulous?

Yeah.

Fabulous.

Yeah.

Athena, how you doing?

Damn, she's got a lot of shit.

It's the Greek goddess.

The Greek goddess Athena is finally here.

Yay.

Excellent.

All right, hang on.

I got a call.

Here's the practice master.

The practice master never touched a kid, he says.

This is all live.

By the way, you're on the madhouse.

Yes, this is.

With whom am I speaking?

I got some information for you.

All right, go ahead.

Oh, this is the PI?

I got some.

Okay, go ahead.

He's at our, you know, involved.

Okay.

We found out.

He's not a child molester.

But we did find out that he has been seen hanging around.

He might have been eating Oreos all night.

How sure are you of this?

Sorry?

How sure are you of this?

You know, like I said, I have been sourced.

Okay.

All right, so.

Who told you that he was a molester?

It's just hearsay, sir.

It's his hearsay

Like I said

We don't want to delve

Too deep into it

But we are reserving

Our judgment

Until more facts are known

And all parties involved

Can make theirs

Yeah well

I'm saying

I happen to be

Like I said

I happen to saw

He grew up in New York

In Scotland Yard

We brought him up

On the computer

And I don't know

A record of that

No debation

Who doesn't have that

Could he have

Maybe mistaken

A midget for a kid

Who doesn't have

Who hasn't been

You know

Dinged for that

Publicly masturbated

Yeah

You know, I want to be publicly debated.

Okay.

I try to be publicly masturbated as often as I can, actually.

Yeah, you know, it's like Alana says,

when you go down on me in the theater, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, it's very dangerous.

It's that whole feeling, you know?

That's what you like, the taboo.

Yeah, you know, it's the whole thing about getting caught.

I play with my balls when I'm in line at the bank,

and that's what I do, just hoping someone sees me.

Well, that's what I do.

I mean, you know, when I'm in line at the bank,

seriously, I want to talk about something that's actually kind of fucked up.

All right.

Sure thing.

You ever, you know, you're online at the bank, you're online at McDonald's,

wherever the fuck you are, you're at the mall, and it's like, it's around you, right?

All of a sudden, you get a really nasty itch right in the middle of your asshole.

What do you do, man?

Scratch it.

Yeah.

It's like one of those itches that you cannot, it's like you can't avoid.

You have to, it's like you're going to fall over, a bad itch.

You can either grind it, or what do you do?

Here's what I do.

I take my wallet, I drop it on the floor on accident, you know,

know, in quotes. Not really, but, and then I bend over to pick it up, and either, A,

I'm either going to fart, or I'm going to, it'll manipulate enough so that it doesn't

itch anymore. Or at least it'll shift the itch to somewhere where you can kind of squeeze

your cheeks a bit and get it taken care of, you know what I mean?

Yeah, but it's like, you know, what if it's like one of those, like, after-shit itches?

See, yeah, sir, you're not wiping correctly. That's what the problem is. I feel like Dr.

Drew here.

You gotta dig in a little bit more.

wipe and run you know so you don't always get what you you know you can't always you know you

can't always do that so the problem is what i'm saying is do you start go digging into your ass

i don't you know like honestly i don't think that i don't think the crouch down would do it for me

a lot of people out there i don't think

get rid of the itchy ass thing especially no no it's it no in that situation he's really he said

to grit and bear it,

you know,

literally.

I don't think,

but I'm saying,

like,

you don't understand.

I'm talking about,

like,

a Chinese water torture

itchy ass.

No,

you have to get out of line,

man.

Like,

is it safe,

you know?

You have to get out of line

and,

you know,

you have to get out of line,

most definitely.

But you can't do that.

Yeah,

you gotta go dig,

I mean,

but do you risk

letting these bitches

see you digging it

to your ass?

No,

Like,

my philosophy is fuck it

because who the fuck

are they anyway?

Hell no,

fuck that.

if I can't be myself

who the fuck can I be

fuck that

I don't

I would never do that

but I'm a guy

who doesn't use

public bathrooms

you know

I will not

I don't do a number

two in a public bathroom

because I'm so ashamed

of stuff

I'm ashamed of somebody

walking in and

saying something

Andy

you shared a part

with me before right

yeah

Athena you can attest

I can follow up

with a bathroom

I don't like public bathroom

to you know

to poop either

but you know what

what the fuck man

heroin's what I have to

I'll tell you a funny story

one time I was

in this nightclub this was really fucking hilarious okay this is fucking funny i was

in this nightclub the place is packed it's like wall-to-wall fucking people right i gotta take

a shit i'm fucking dying you know it's like one of those shits i gotta you gotta fucking take right

away yeah so i walk into the stall and you know the bathroom full of these fucking guido to kill

the pimps walking in and out i walk into the stall and i shut the door and i'm like what do i do what

do i do so you know what i said fuck it so i fucking pulled the door i fucking ripped this

fucking shit right out of me as fast as I can. I blew it out my ass. It was like a fucking

alien. Nice. And then, and they got a picture of the bathroom. It's in one of those big

bathrooms. There's really, like, literally, like, 25 guys in the bathroom combing their

hair, pissing, whatever the fuck they're doing. I go to flush the toilet. The fucking toilet

starts to overflow, and I mean, I took a big fucking dump, right? This fucking toilet,

I see the water start coming up, right? Your pants are down at this point. So, you know

know what i do i'm freaking out i knew it's going to overflow and my shit's going to come flying out

like like all over the place i ran out of there so club was so full that nobody even like realized

it as i got out the door of the bathroom i hear people going

i wish i could have had it on i could have had that on video yeah uh yeah to be there but but

it was it was it was a pretty shitty experience one time i was in there and all i all i was doing

Was peeing

But I was using a stall

Because all the urinals

Were being taken

And someone took

A massive shit

Next to me

And it stunk up

The whole place

It stunk up

Outside in the hall

And all I was doing

Was peeing

And then these people

Came in

And the guy

Ran out of there

Didn't wash his hands

Just ran out of there

I don't think he

Wiped his ass

And he leaves

And I hear him

Tell the people

Man that guy in there

Smells like something

Died in there

And I'm like

What the fuck

And it's like

It smells like

someone with diabetes in there it's it's like five people in there and they're talking shit to me

like through the stalls like damn man yeah i was like what man all i did was take a piss and i i

just i i just sat there and in the filthy toilet what you were sitting down to take a piss no i

was standing i was standing to take a piss but at that point i was so embarrassed i just sat down

just to take it i stayed in there that way you don't miss and you keep the mess down right no

No, I don't sit down when I pee, no.

I don't sit down when I pee.

I've never sat down when I pee.

The only time I'll sit down when I pee is, like, if I'm really fucking tired.

Like, you know, it's like 2 o'clock, 3 o'clock in the morning.

I just woke up, you know.

I, like, sit to bed.

Yeah, I think that's a little...

That's the only time I sit down when I pee.

Otherwise, I'd be like a fucking man.

You know, I can't take...

You ever see those fucking dogs?

You know, like, you know when you see a man dog and he fucking lifts his leg up and he pees?

you know you but i can't take them dogs at like fucking yeah i understand someone's in her pace

here how hey carlito have him bring in his birthday call all right uh uh and i'll uh and

excuse me if i'm wrong but um who am i speaking with please inspector oh it's lego man well okay

what's up all right hey man uh look would you like to give a call uh for someone in the chat

room this is birthday i don't know if you know or talk to brandon vegas in the chat room or

or on your show or anything, but it's his birthday.

I don't know, maybe he might have called in.

I don't remember.

Okay, possibly, but he's got this lady named...

Zola, Zola's a fucking freak, let me tell you.

The guy, you know, his elevator definitely doesn't go all the way up.

No, he doesn't.

I love him, he's a pizzeria.

Yeah, but, you know, as I say, God bless him.

He means well and everything.

He's making us laugh, so...

It's not his fault, you know.

I mean, you know, if you get dropped on your head when you're a baby,

I mean, what the fuck, you know.

It's just...

Yeah, he's just inbred, that's all it is, but...

We got a lady named Dodie

Who's a bartender who has huge tits

At a bar called Fat Cat's Pub

And if you'd like to go over that

By all means, I'd love to put you on that call

What's her name?

The place is called Fat Cat's

With a Z, Cat's Pub

Fat Cat's Pub

And where's it located?

I don't know

It's in Las Vegas, actually

It's in Vegas?

In Vegas, yeah, Vegas.

Don't use his name.

No, don't use his name.

Yeah, don't say Brandon because it's probably his, you know, name.

But, um, Doty's...

You should speak to Doty.

Doty.

Doty has huge tits.

She's a bartender.

All right, no problem.

All right, let's do it.

Well, hang on.

I've got to clear the line real quick.

Hang on, let me hear.

Uh, hello.

Hello.

Bye.

Hey, tell Lego I just sent him the information.

Oh, you did?

Oh, okay, you did.

All right, cool.

Yeah, tell him to check his aim.

Hello?

Best prank caller.

Silent caller.

This sucks.

I'm the silent caller.

You there, Lego?

Yeah.

Somebody's playing with him.

Just ignore him.

Hello?

Yes.

Who am I speaking with?

Yeah.

Yes.

Okay, damn.

That's him again.

Hello?

I need a call.

Hello?

What's up, Prank Master?

Not much.

Prank Master, I'm sorry to diss, but I have Dr. Lego on the line.

He wants to do a prank call real quick.

Do you mind calling back?

Yeah, I'm about to do a prank call.

All right, cool.

We'll have you on.

Everybody will be sure to listen.

Just please call back, all right?

All right, cool.

Later.

All right, bye.

Peace.

I should have Lego.

Lego, you're there, right?

I didn't hear the phone.

Oh, no, no.

Hang on.

We're having a...

Someone was tying up the line, but it's clear now.

Hang on.

All right.

Mavis Tables.

Yeah.

Christmas music?

Yeah, this is from Christmas Vacation.

I ain't playing fucking Christmas music, man.

It's not even cooled out yet.

Most people don't live in Florida, though, I guess.

No.

I guess it's getting cool up there now, right?

I'm breathing into this phone, so...

Allow you to talk for 3 hours, 18 minutes, 29 seconds.

You there, Lego?

Yep.

Cool.

How am I sending the information on AIM?

Hi.

Hi, Captain.

This is Doty.

This is Ash.

Oh, hi.

How you doing?

Yeah, I got you guys from Larry Davis.

Anyway, and the Whalen told me about you guys, too.

I'm looking...

I want to book my band over there.

This is Fat Cats.

This is the bar, baby.

The bar, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, I want my band to play there.

We have a big following.

We have a lot of people.

Um, we don't do bands here.

How did you get my name?

From Larry and from Bobby.

I don't know them.

You know Bobby.

He's a regular there, I think.

Is it a girl?

Okay, well, honey, I'm really busy.

Hold on.

You can talk to her.

Bobby.

Hurry up, bitch.

Pick up the phone.

Yatch.

All right.

Okay.

I'm still waiting.

Yeah.

Hello?

Who's this?

Bobby.

You're a manager of the what?

Well, you know, the Pump in England.

Okay.

You know, with the new British invasion, we're coming in there next week,

and I just wanted to, you know, we're staying in that neighborhood.

We're looking for a place to play, and we can bring a lot of people in there.

And I just want to play there, and, you know, I have a couple of requests.

Okay.

First of all, I need to know that you guys will provide a sound system.

Actually, no, actually, there's not a spot for a band in here.

Well, okay, well, you can make, you know, you can make way for us.

Really do a good job for you

Hold on, wait a second

There's just no

There's not

It's just not

Alright, Bobby

What?

I'm just a customer

I'm sorry

Where else could we play then, Bobby?

I don't know

How big is Dodie's kit?

Well, let me ask you this

You know, I was

Dodie with the big tits

Hey there

Goodbye, Mer

Goodbye

Well, let me ask you a question

No, I don't have time for this

You're at the bar drinking

Okay, listen

It's live on the radio right now

I'm at the bar drinking

You're going to win a big prize

Oh, right

Okay

Let me ask you a question

Okay.

Are you a door girl?

Bye.

So that means yes?

Girls are really particular about the back door question.

That was kind of weird.

You just ended up talking to bodies.

Yeah, you talked to a different person.

I'd be pissed off if I was at a bar and someone, hey, take the phone, like, fuck you.

You know, the pump cunts always are good.

I don't know if she's had time to talk to you, but she's at the bar drinking.

Once we found out, they didn't really have a place to play.

You have plenty of time to talk somewhere at the bar drinking.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well, Andy here is saying that we don't understand how she's going to have time to talk

because she's just there drinking, you know what I mean?

She's rushing out the phone like, what's she got to go do?

What's she got to go get drunk or fat or what?

Sounds like a small little hick town bar, man, you know?

It's a small hick town in Las Vegas.

Yeah, a small hick town in Las Vegas.

I got a number.

Hold on.

Joop's coming down the floor.

Are you ready?

Oh, yeah.

2-1-2.

Oh, hang on.

Let me have it.

Yeah, yeah, you got my AM, right?

That's better.

or send it to milkman

if you don't know mine

juke says he's coming

to florida

juke's coming to florida

uh let me

pull it hang on

send it to the right person

i don't know if you did

oh

if you didn't

maybe not

i'm on madhouse radio

were you on ames

i got you on ames

hang on

i got you

i fucking

blew my mind

there you go

there we go

okay you're in chat now

did you get that

yeah

you want me to connect you

connect me to that

sure thing

all right

here comes uh

everybody stand by

we have another call

with uh

Wait, don't play P. Diddy.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

That was a mistake.

I wasn't going to play P. Diddy.

I'm going to play something here.

Hang on.

You should have over there.

You're right there.

What are you listening to, Milkman?

Milkman's got a t-shirt with P. Diddy's face on it.

Are those fears to the cow kickers who took us in the experience?

Anything with cowbell, right, Milkman?

Cowbell.

More cowbell.

More cowbell, Milkman.

They're out there.

You there, Leo?

That's good.

That's 20 seconds.

It says 24 hours.

It's a video.

Listen.

I love Indian men.

Boni Safa?

Take me by the hand.

I want, I want a movie with Indians.

Indian girls?

Indian men.

We don't have those movies.

How about this?

How about I come over there and I fuck you in the ass while your buddy, while your buddy

like.

Uh, you could do that.

You could do that.

You can find the key, but we are not gay, okay?

Come on, God.

God, I know you're gay.

Come on, man.

We are no gay.

I can't get a break, anybody.

You know what?

I'm tired.

All right.

Thank you very much.

That was a good attempt.

All right, guys.

We'll see you later.

All right, peace out.

Later, Lego.

Later, Lego, everybody.

And now, Prankmaster.

Hey.

What's up, man?

How you doing?

Good to hear you back and good to see you back in the PCU chat room.

Yeah.

How you been?

Are you doing okay?

Yeah.

Good.

I just don't have a computer now, so I've been using my dad's.

Oh, okay.

All right, well.

Yeah.

Good.

Excuse me.

What, are your computers hooked up?

I'm feeling very prankish today, and I got a couple good ideas.

There you are.

And I don't feel like they're as bad as last week.

Okay.

All right, well.

I love those calls last week, to tell you the truth.

I thought they were excellent.

Yeah.

Okay, you sent me a few.

We got Ronald McDonald here, Willie F. McCunt.

Oh, man.

Really?

That's a good name.

Did you get James Brown and...

Yep.

Old guy and good...

All right, Kirk.

Kirk James Brown first.

Okay, I'll put you on with James Brown.

Let's go.

All right.

All right, good deal, man.

I've been going nonstop for a while.

All right, hang on, everybody.

We have Prankmaster back on the line,

and we're going to connect him with James Brown

in just one moment.

I wish I had some James Brown.

I don't have any James Brown, do I?

Good God.

No.

Oh, how can I have any James Brown?

You know, ask Stephen Wonder.

Let's close it off.

It's almost James Brown.

He's blind and he's doing dance.

Jesus Brown's crazy.

He got arrested in person.

Jesus Brown's the best.

Did he have a shotgun or something?

I hope so.

say it like this.

Look good.

I'll tell you what you're supposed to say.

What are you supposed to say?

How are you doing today?

You're supposed to go, feel good.

Da-na-na.

You're supposed to do it.

If I was feeling good, I'd do that, but I don't feel good today.

Oh, you're not feeling good today?

No, I've been raining out there this year.

Ah, okay.

No, my name is Ron Vegas.

I'm from the International James Brown Fan Club.

And you've been chosen to be the honoree of the James Brown Club.

Are you a James Brown fan?

Yeah.

Yeah? You listen to his music a lot?

Yeah.

When I get a chance.

When you get a chance.

Bob, what do you do in your spare time?

What do you do in your spare time?

Lay on this bed, try to get away from all this pain and agony in my back.

Oh, I got a major back problem.

Oh, they do actually have this new product featuring James Brown.

It's James Brown anti-wash.

It's great for the bum.

Are you interested in buying this?

Not right now.

Well, they also have its new genital herpes root cream.

It's made by James Brown.

It's the same exact stuff that James Brown used.

In fact, they'll give you the same exact thing that James Brown used.

Right now, I'm just, because I've been out of work for a while, so right now, I'm just, you know,

but naturally, I think I'm going to have to take care of it.

Well, how about this?

Are you interested in buying used James Brown condoms?

They're used by James Brown.

I mean, you could probably, you know, get some of his bomb inside and, you know,

inject it into your life or something.

You can have a James Brown Jr.

I got James Brown doing it already.

How do you do?

Yeah, but you ain't black, are ya?

You ain't black?

I've been black for 47 years.

I've been black for 48 years.

What'd you say?

I've been black for 48 years.

Oh, you've been black for 40 years.

Oh, see, I was part black.

I was white, and then I turned black.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, you know, like Michael Jackson.

Oh, okay.

Does your wife have a big ass?

See, I can actually sing that song, too.

Hey, my wife.

Oh, my.

Oh, there you go.

That's a good tune.

Does your wife have a big ass?

does your wife have a big ass yeah it's pretty she's got a big ass she got buffalo butt yeah

nah you all right uh how old is she back she she's a sister yeah all right how old is she

she's 51 51 and you're how old 42 47 what i'm 48 48 all right you bet you got you got some kids

yeah i got two you have a girl yeah she have she have a big ass no she's just two years old

Oh, okay.

Well, does she look like she's going to have a big ass?

I reckon so.

My mama got a big ass.

Let's see what I want.

Your mama got a big ass, too.

All right.

Well, that's good.

That's good.

Well, thank you very much for talking to us today, sir.

Oh, you too.

Have a nice one.

All right, sir.

Give him a promo.

Promo.

Hey, sir.

Sir.

Oh, James Brown.

Damn it.

Yeah, I was pretty good, actually.

I was.

Hang on.

Yes.

All right.

Well, that was that.

I'll call him back.

Yeah.

Well, we can't.

Yeah, we'll call him back.

Yeah, we'll work on him again later.

Yeah, we got a call back from that nice girl, too.

Oh, yeah, we got her, too, from earlier tonight.

We got to put her there again.

All right, call Ronald McDonald.

Ronald McDonald.

Ronald McDonald, we're going to go to a break after that,

because I need to go to take a break.

Okay, Ronald McDonald in New York.

Yeah, got a great idea.

All right.

Okay, you got to tell him you just got really fat,

and it's all Ronald's fault.

That would be true in my case.

Hang on, everybody.

Bye.

Four, three, twenty-nine seconds.

You there?

Good.

Andy, you ever skate?

Roller skate?

No.

And when you were a kid you never did?

No.

I was real poor.

My parents didn't want me to have any fun.

Hello?

Ronald?

Yeah.

I have a quick question for you.

Do you do birthday parties?

Look, it would be my son and I were wondering, can we hire you to dress up in a clown outfit?

You know, like you do in the McDonald's commercials.

I mean, I'm willing to pay you handsomely, I'll pay you like a thousand dollars.

No.

No?

How much would I have to pay?

No.

Can't do it.

How much would I have to pay?

Can't do it.

Why not?

Can't.

Do you have any Ronald McDonald, Ronald McDonald Jr.?

Ronald, Ronald.

Oh, can you tell me what exactly the special sauce in the McFish is?

Can you do it?

Yeah.

Can you tell me what you make?

But one more question for you. Do you have a McPenis filet? No, you don't have a McPenis filet?

But, um, would you be able to do me a favor? Go ahead and stick your hand down your pants and then pull out your McPenis filet.

He's got the phone number of everybody on Prozac.

Exactly.

He's fucking up with this shit.

Yeah, like, uh, yeah, yeah.

No, I'm not gonna pull my McPenis filet out.

I'll say it.

I'm too fucked up.

No, but you can pull my finger.

Oh.

Ew.

Oh, man.

Thank you for that.

All right, Prankmaster.

Yep.

All right, we're going to go take a break now.

Do you have anything that you'd like to say?

You're on the air.

You're on PCU.

You've got a pretty good listening experience.

Go ahead.

None of the bullshit that you keep hearing, you know, that I'm a child molester and keto or whatever,

none of that shit's true.

So, you know, because my mom said it while she was drunk, you know, talking as a, you can say, 20, you know, a lot of that.

She said that if you believe that, then, you know, she said that, uh, she would also, you know, be, uh, Zola's hooker.

How much did she tell Zola that would cost?

$175?

Yeah, that she would be, like, the hooker.

That's expensive for her. How old is your mother?

Like, in our, like, 50s.

Yeah, no one's paying $175.

Pushing it.

Well, I mean, like, that's pretty fucked up, you know.

The economy's not good enough right now for a 51-year-old hooker to get $175.

I know that.

Nope.

That's a lot of fucking money.

Okay, maybe.

Well, all right, so you maintain your innocence.

Your mom just said it, and your mom is volatile, as we understand it.

So as far as I'm concerned, and I'm sure as far as, I don't know how many people,

I don't think there are many people who agree with me, but I just won't make a decision.

I don't care.

It's none of my business to be truthful.

and I like you

for the prank calls

you do

and the things

you've got me

worried with

you know

in the air

and everything

I've used this

gun for too long

I thank you

very much

like I said

none of it's true

it never happened

never was done

and it never has

alright well

this is a neutral show

I proclaim this neutral

and you're always

welcome to call in

and you're more than

welcome to speak

your mind

speak your peace

you're always

welcome to do that

here sir

thank you

alright well

we're going to call

a break time now

well thank you

very much for calling

sir

alright thank you

I'm going to call you soon.

All right, Frank Masson.

Later, Frank Masson.

Bye, sir.

All right.

Take care of you, PM.

That's the legendary and controversial Frank Masson.

They're always controversial.

He always has mixed reactions.

Yeah, he does, yeah.

Well, there he is, everybody.

You're laughing in the chat room about whatever's in music.

That all sounded pretty good, right?

Right in time?

Yeah, I was wondering what you were up to.

He did it.

I was like, that was a crowd.

Exactly.

I need to get faster with that shit, though, yeah.

All right, well, we're going to take a break now.

It's 11.51.

I've been going for a while.

I started late, but...

We've gone strong, so there's no way I'm going to complain.

We probably still have more trouble usually.

Yeah, exactly.

We've gone two hours straight.

We'll come back and we'll probably do another hour and a half or maybe even two.

I don't know.

What are you feeling?

Well, you can't, right?

We'll want to do another hour or so.

We'll shoot some more calls out of the water.

So, yeah.

We'll be right back after this, everybody.

You're listening to The Madhouse.

The Madhouse will be back right after this.

You've just been listening to a sample of The Madhouse.

If you like what you hear, be sure to listen in every Thursday night at 9.15 p.m. on PCU Radio,

your number one source for live and recorded prank calls.

For more information, visit MadHouseLive.com or KDKPrankCalls.com.

It's an exclusive of PCU Radio and MadHouseLive.com.

It's off. Carlito is back.

I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

MadHouse is on PCU.

I hear that whistle blowin'.

What do you think about this beat?

It's Neptune.

The beat's all Neptune.

It's interesting.

It sounds like old church.

it's some baby face like the boy band black boy band uh milkman you there we got a guest caller

coming the caller's calling you can hear me hey milkman um can you explain in the chat room you

said yay where these been dad katie k question mark yay what does that mean yeah that was the

cat's talking that wasn't me you know what the cat's gonna say dad katie k yay

I was just speaking cat

And translating it into English

That's what they would say

You speak cat?

Yeah

Do Siamese speak different?

Yeah, I speak cat fluently

Do Siamese speak different

Than like Tabby's

And stuff like that?

Yeah, also I speak

Spanish cat too

All right

Yeah, I got that

All right, don't be dirty

Athena's here

She's listening now

Let's be respectful

All right, that's enough

I'm going to go on you

Don't make me go on you

You know what?

The gong is reserved for Milkman

Whenever Milkman bombs

I'm gonna play the gong

Wait a minute

This person's not doing good

The gong is a warning

And then the boos

Are just like the final

So if you go straight to boos

You're doing really bad

Anyway

I got somebody calling

You're in the madhouse

Hey what up Carlito

Hey what do you say there

I'm not doing nothing

You're not doing nothing

Nah

Double negative

Does not make a positive sir

I watched you guys

The freaking drinking and shit

Yeah

What'd you drink

Look at your aim

I'm going to drink some Milkman.

What?

You're drinking some what?

Milkman.

Oh, you have some Milkman?

Where is he?

Oh, look at your hand.

Oh, Milkman.

He can hear you, but you can't hear him.

Oh, okay.

Cool.

So I can...

Oh, no, wait a minute.

How does it work?

He can hear you?

Yeah.

I thought you were in the magic cup.

Okay.

Well, that's kind of dirty.

It's a guest caller.

We have a guest caller.

It's a milkman.

It's a gimp that milkman has tied up in his basement.

I'm going to let you lose for five minutes.

Go ahead and make a call.

Call Carlito here, Gimpy.

Hey, your volume is kind of low.

The volume is...

Oh, how am I coming in now?

No.

How about now?

Look at your aim.

Yeah.

Good.

Okay, hang on.

I'm supposed to look in my messenger here.

So, do you smoke much weed?

No.

Not at all?

I drink.

You drink a lot?

I drink.

Oh.

Oh, okay, oh, so, am I speaking, this is DaDead?

Yeah.

Oh, alright, what's up, man, how you doing?

Nothing.

Hey, um, I want to say to PrankMaster that he's a goddamn pedo, and that he can't, uh...

He's a what?

He can't convince nobody.

Okay.

He's a what?

He's a goddamn pedo.

Pedo?

Um, yeah.

Oh, like a pedophile?

Pedophile?

Yeah.

Okay, alright, alright, we gotcha.

Alright, so you don't agree with him. You believe that he, in fact, did do this horrible thing, then, right?

Yeah.

Alright.

Did Prankmaster ever touch you, the dead?

Yeah.

He did.

When did he do this?

He, like, molested me and shit when I was eight.

Where did this happen at?

I went sober to my parents and came up to me and I didn't know.

Did he show you pornography first?

What?

Did he show you any pornography or give you any drugs?

No.

He just came up and touched...

Oh, my...

That's terrible.

I can't believe that.

That's...

I mean, if that's indisputable evidence, if the dead says that it happened to him...

Yeah, I...

I'm shocked.

I have no reason not to trust dead to dead, so...

He's a...

And I thank you for calling.

I've been trying to motivate you to call KDK or me for quite some time now.

I think he'll do a call.

Yeah.

I called Dave.

Yeah, Dave.

I called Dave.

I'm here to show, what, two dates ago.

Oh, you did?

Oh, okay.

Oh, I missed it.

Okay, that's right.

I wasn't like...

Last night.

Yeah, okay.

Well, two nights ago.

That's right.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I missed that, unfortunately.

I'm sorry about that.

Well, good.

So I'm not the premier for you.

Okay.

Well, good.

Good deal.

Yeah, do you do calls?

I mean, would you like to do a call?

Nah.

No, okay.

Well, I understand.

I went to pay.

Okay.

Well, you can pass.

That's okay.

You can call the talk.

That's all right.

Well, I thank you very much for calling in, finally.

It was great talking to you today.

Yeah, it was very good talking to you.

You crack me up in the chat room, man.

You keep doing what you're doing, all right?

Yeah.

All right, man.

So, hey, dude.

Yeah.

I was scared of you, man.

Me?

I thought you were a big-ass mafia gang shit.

Oh, me?

Yeah, well, I don't know.

And Carlitos, you know.

It's all for show.

I'm very timid in real life.

I'm afraid.

He's in the Ice Cream Cart Mafia.

Yeah. I beat my head into the wall after every show.

I'm very critical of myself.

The Dad, he's lying. He's lying.

I'm lying. Okay.

Yeah, exactly. Alright, well, thank you very much for calling in.

Yeah, for sure.

Alright, later, Dad.

Later, man.

Take care, D-Day.

That's Dad Dad, everybody. Where's Mike?

Alright, a guest caller.

Yeah, that's an exclusive caller right there.

Hey, you're very, you sound very far away there, my man.

Oh, okay.

Well, I wasn't trying to be loud.

That's fine.

No, you're fine.

I had to put the gimp back up.

Oh, okay.

The dead get in the basement.

Feeding time's tomorrow.

No, the dead's cool, man.

I like him.

I'm glad he finally called, man.

Good call.

Great call.

Good call.

Any second now, I'll get the applause.

Look, there it is.

There it is.

Slowly with shit.

We have a very slow audience.

They're a tough audience, too.

They've been busting my balls all night.

Yeah, well, they're listening on delay.

It's cold in here.

Is it cold in here?

No, I'm comfortable.

I get really cold easily now.

It's my diabetes.

Your sugar sickness.

Yeah, my sugar aids.

All right, let's go back to Lonesome.

I haven't paid attention to him for a while.

Oh, we have to call the two-for-one agents.

That's right, two-for-one agents.

We've got to call that girl back, too.

What's her name, Nikki?

Yeah, we have to call Nikki.

We have to call Nikki.

We've got to call Nikki next.

Nikki.

Well, Nick, where was Nick at the 99?

No, no, no.

She was at...

Yeah, that's where she was.

She was at that beer house or something.

I thought she was at the 99 bottles of beer.

No way.

She was at the...

That's Brandon's place, right?

Wasn't it?

No, no.

No, no, no.

She was definitely at the...

She was at...

She's the one that did the promo.

Okay.

She's at the 99 bottles of beer.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, that's what I said at first.

No.

Whatever.

Yeah.

Well, so you want to call her back?

Excuse me, I'm going to call her back now.

Yeah, you got to do another game, stupid game.

I don't know.

I should call somebody else with a game.

That's the only one I got here.

You know, Seagate almost started that.

Remember, we used to listen on Drew.

They used to do that thing where you give him three words.

They'd have the audience call in and say three words.

Oh, that was so gay.

Yeah, it was.

I hate those things.

It's for the smart people with big vocabularies.

It's better to just fuck with people.

It's not trying to get them to say stuff.

Exactly.

That's hard to do.

Yeah, because the only good ones that they did was when they were straight from that

and they started actually talking to the people.

That was the only time that was good.

But anyway, we're boring everybody.

I guess Lego's tending off for the night.

There you go.

Hey, son of a bitch.

You're a bastard.

You're killing me, man.

I was waiting for that gong shit.

Yeah, because I was wondering if you were going to go for it.

I'm going to gong you.

You took out your gong, right?

No, I got it.

You can play gong.

If you have my permission.

All right, I'll do one here in the after bit and keep it live, baby.

All right.

Okay, well, let's do a call.

Is 19 Gina and 18 Lori going to make a great tag team in Las Vegas?

Is a 19 not an agency?

Blah, blah, blah.

100 all-natural busty women.

Listen, I have to make an apology, Carlito.

What's that?

That's your apology.

I don't make tag teams.

All right.

I thought you had something like that.

Well, thank you for the Arnold.

Nice

What's up

The Puba Recreation

We tried to call that

I don't think anybody

Answered there

So dry

Excalibur Limousine

We tried to call

Excalibur Limousine

In Beverly Hills

Right

See if Eddie's

Working tonight

Man you know what

It'd be cool if

If Billy called in

And he could do

One of his voices

Or something

Oh really

You know like

Celebrity

I gotta pass it on

Ozzy

Yeah Ozzy

He does a decent Ozzy

Alright hang on everybody

Diamond Dave

Let's try that

Be right back

milkman behave yourself talk us out of here milkman talk us to the beat all right man we're

gonna take a quick one right here we'll be right back here we're going to the limousine shack

rap uh milkman rap freestyle

got a limo i'm a pimple yeah yeah

i got a pimple on my ass cheek it hurts so bad

You have one dollar.

It looks like a doodad.

For a destination member.

Oh, God, the crowd's threatening.

Who's that calling?

Excalibur.

Hey, good evening.

How are you doing?

Great.

Hey, I need a, can I get a pickup, please?

Yeah, this is Carlito.

Carlito Bergante.

I got Mr.

Carlito Bergante.

Yeah, Carlito Bergante.

We've got Jack Valenti.

He needs a ride.

Do you know who Jack Valenti is?

No, sir.

sir? Jack Valenti is a very powerful, influential man in the telemarketing industry, and he

needs... What's his last name? Say what now, sir? How do you spell his last name? Valenti,

V-A-L-E-N-T-I, Valenti. Call you right back, Ed? Uh, no, well, you can call, uh, I suppose

I really am down to my last few minutes here on the cell phone. Yeah, you know what, because

I, um, I'm falling, right? How about I call you back there? Okay. All right, then. All

All right, thank you.

All right, man.

What's happening?

What was that?

I guess I had to call him back or something.

I don't know.

I wouldn't know.

He's full of shit.

Yeah, that guy was a jerk.

He was an asshole.

Yeah, you have to call back irate now because you're still waiting to be picked up.

How dare you?

I'm going to call back as Jack Valente is what I'm wearing.

That's it.

That bastard.

Yeah.

Reckless City is going to take that from me, man.

I'm Jack Valente.

Are you done with editing that yet, man?

Look, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, it'll be done.

Are you done now?

Not now.

Man, you can't play the Jack Valente goal?

all? I won't hear you.

None of them? You don't have even one

of them that works right now?

I have to render it, okay?

I don't want to try and render it on the air.

If I render it on the air, it might go off.

Look, bastard. Alright, alright.

Calm down. I'm just telling you the truth.

Alright.

You will get it. You will get it. I promise.

And it will be superior.

It's not just me. It's everybody asking for this show.

Everybody wants a Jack Maloney call.

It will be worth the wait,

Wait, guys, if you already heard it the first time, it'll be better the second time.

I get lots of people asking me, what the hell is wrong with Milkman?

Milkman's a failure, is what I'm going to tell you.

No!

If Milkman went on tonight, I'm not going to listen to Milkman.

No!

That's not true.

I'm going to get the damn gong, damn.

Then this guy told me a prank master molested Milkman.

That's true.

You're not allowed to gong me without permission, I said.

I thought you said gong you.

No, I never said, when did I say gong me?

You did a little while ago.

You said I could gong.

Make up my mind then, damn it.

All right.

Oh, ow!

Damn!

Don't bite my ass like that.

Shit.

Put your teeth, take your teeth out.

This is so gay.

Hang on, everybody.

We'll be right back in just one moment.

We've got to wrap again for us, my man.

Jesus Christ.

You're going to get everybody to dial off.

I got my full skin to win, yeah.

Going to make this girl grin.

She says you look like a dog dick.

Tonight, yeah, yeah, say where you get the dog dick, say I grew it all by myself, and let my man Carlito beat you next, pick it up Andy, I do too, that's why I did it.

this is jack valente i'm good i'm jack valente did you got that did you copy it down no valente

with an i valente no v-a-l-e-n-t-i i'm all over the news you should have heard of me jack valente

i'm jack valente what kind of what kind of limos you have for jack valente yeah stretch town car

Jack Valenti is supposed to ride in a stretch town car.

Wait, wait.

The guy with the $100,000 shoe is going to ride in the stretch Lincoln town car.

Wait, wait.

Jack Valenti.

Wait, wait, wait.

The guy with the shoes that cost more than your education is going to ride.

Whoa.

Pierce College.

$23 a unit.

So is that the one that advertises after DeVry University and ITT?

Really?

My shoes are worth more than that, and I'm going to ride in that piece of crap vehicle.

Come on.

What do you have in a German model?

Yeah.

What do you drive yourself?

I drive a Korean car.

What do you drive?

A Kia?

A Hyundai?

Well, a Hyundai what?

An Accent?

An Elantra?

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

The guy with the $50,000 watch is going to get business from a boy who drives a Hyundai Elantra.

Samoan

Why are all Samoans overweight?

Why are your heads so big?

Why? Because they eat that fat food?

We can afford the fat food

Back home they can't afford it

I'm Jack Valente and I own many restaurants

Coconut chat

Did you get my name, Jack Valente?

I have that, sir

How do you spell that?

K

How do you say Jack Valente in Samoan?

Yes

What did you just call me?

I'm Jack Valente

That's right

Say my name

Wait, wait, wait

Wait, the man who went to Harvard is going to take guff from a guy who goes to Pierce College.

wait, wait, wait.

What else can I say?

Well, it's been a great conversation with you.

Yes, sir.

What?

I apologize.

Can you please say

What is your name again

And you're with Excalibur Limousine

Can you say

You're listening to Madhouse Radio please

I'm listening to Madhouse Radio

Tell us your name

Where you're calling from

And we're listening to Madhouse Radio

And you're driving a Hyundai Elantra

Say the man who drives the Hyundai Elantra

Is on Madhouse Radio

Alright

Thank you very much

And don't feel, Brett, as long as you don't have an accent, you're okay with me.

I can't either.

I can figure it out.

Hey, you're in America, right?

You're Samoans.

There it is.

All right, then.

All right.

There.

And what station is Madhouse Radio?

PCURadio.com.

No, no.

Let me check out your website.

Madhouselive.com.

Yes, sir.

Madhouselive.com.

Here's your call.

We're on PCURadio.

All right.

You have a good night.

What?

Friendly Samoans.

Yeah, Samoans are generally fine.

They're better athletes than black people, from what I understand.

They've got some big damn heads.

Better athletes?

Yeah.

They're better wrestlers.

They're the best athletes of all people on the planet.

They're the best wrestlers?

No, best athletes, period.

Like, they have, like, huge, like, hearts and lungs.

They've got, like, a head as big as a man's pit bull.

Yeah, because they have a big nostril in there, too, where they can suck in extra air.

Wow.

That's just very important.

You need a snorkel.

Yeah.

They've got, like, hoo-hoos.

Man, we should be able to call Samoa.

Isn't there an American Samoa?

Yeah.

Yeah, there is.

Man, we need to call Samoa.

They play football there.

share we're going to have to use that gizmo numbers of the call there yeah times 12 19 i

guess we have we have enough time for maybe one or maybe two more calls um if you'll have to call

in uh get in a call before the show ends here pretty soon you can dial in 888-278-8509 oh

here goes my voice again 888-278-8509 all right that's right all right call in right now and get

Get your minutes on the air.

Right, right, right.

You turn the spotlight right here in the madhouse.

Live.

Thank you, Milkman.

All right, what do we have left here we can call?

What's 24-hour emergency adult room service?

It must be like just an escort.

Emergency?

Yeah, well, anytime.

I'm going to ask for a girl and tell her my emergency that I just shit the floor.

All right, a lot of towels.

Let's try that.

Vegas is always good for a shit-fly.

Are they bringing condoms or?

I don't know.

Or coke?

I hope so.

That's the kind of emergency I'd have if I was in Vegas, more than likely.

You can't fly with Coke, you know.

I don't do Coke.

Andy, would you fly with Coke?

No.

Yeah.

What would you do if you went to Vegas and you needed Coke?

It's pretty easy to get into Vegas.

No, I wouldn't go out there.

I get that.

Okay.

All right, well.

Not from people who don't know.

It's scary.

Well, no man's burping back there.

Hang on, everybody.

We'll be right back.

Yes, hello.

Is this the 24-hour service?

The phone for the entertainers.

What's your name?

My name is Jack.

Jack, are you in a hotel?

Yes, I am.

Where are you staying?

The Aladdin.

All right.

I can call you right back from a private phone and tell you how our service works.

Jack, what's the room number there I can reach you in?

I have an emergency, though.

You have an emergency?

Yes.

On a cell phone.

Yeah, what's your emergency?

This is my last quarter, first of all.

Second of all, my emergency is...

Okay, first of all, phones cost more than 25 cents these days.

No, they don't.

You're calling me from your cell phone.

No, I'm not.

What's my cell phone number?

What's your number?

718-487-1050.

That's not my number.

Yes, it is.

Oh, God.

No, it's not.

You're busted.

Okay.

How can I help you with your emergency?

I just shit the floor.

Okay.

Call your mama.

Why don't you call your mama?

She'll treat you better.

You bitch.

Will you stroke me?

No.

Okay.

Please enter your destination number now.

I want to call her back, but she's on there.

She's really all busy.

Call Nikki now.

It's time to call Nikki.

I can't get to that number quick enough.

505 Beers on the wall.

Whatever the hell.

Too late, Milkman.

Too late.

Aw.

Hello, Dr. Pepper.

Daddy.

What the hell is Santa Barbara Checker Cab?

Checker Cab.

Damn.

A lot of time.

You have a cab?

Hello.

Yes.

Cab service?

Yes.

I have an embarrassing situation.

I'm here at the office still, and I can't drive home.

Can you?

Where are you?

Huh?

Where are you?

What's your address?

Um, I don't know exactly.

That's a good question.

What address are you...

Oh, I know where I am.

I'm in Santa Barbara.

Santa Barbara Boulevard.

California.

California?

Hello, sir.

What's the blood number?

Look, stop joking around with me.

The 208 building.

Oh, shit.

I was just going to say, let's do an AzHat hour with this guy.

You sound like you would be an AzHatter.

Yeah, I think you did, yeah.

They don't play those ass-hatters, man.

Fuck them.

Ass-hatters.

We're an ass-hat minute.

Yeah, we're fostering peace right now.

Hang on.

Let me get the ass-hat out of here.

That's a good thing.

I forgot which one it is out of these two.

I think it's this one.

Oh, you can't even hear it.

Ass-hats for everybody.

For the beer...

What is this?

Bring me an ass-hat.

For the beer bellies part...

All can join in.

Beer Billy's Bar?

Yes.

Look, do me a favor, please.

What's up?

Do me a favor, please.

Yes?

You're getting a little loud.

Who is this?

He knows.

I asked first.

I asked second.

You called me.

This is Carlito.

Hi, Nicky.

Carlito?

Yes, ma'am.

Well, I have a question.

What do you have on tap right now?

On tap?

You want domestic or?

Ales.

Sierra Nevada, PLL?

We have what fire?

Fat fire.

What is it, flat?

Flat?

Fat fire.

Flat?

Fat?

Yeah, you know.

Hey, well, listen, ma'am, you're on the Madhouse Radio Show,

and we're broadcasting live on PCU right now.

Oh, yeah?

Who am I speaking with, please?

This is Colleen.

Colleen.

Well, thank you for being on the air.

All right.

We have a game we're playing tonight, and if you could please say,

what am I calling it?

This is the Beer Bellies Bar and Grill.

Can you say the Beer Bellies Bar and Grill is on the Madhouse?

Can you please say the beer, bellies, bar, and grill is on the madhouse?

Right now?

Yes.

Great.

Thank you very much.

Yay.

And we have a game we're playing.

Do you have time to play?

Yeah, I got a couple minutes.

All right.

I'm thinking of a word, and you have three guesses to guess the word.

Okay.

Are you ready?

Yeah.

20 seconds.

Go.

Five seconds.

Go.

The word is stop.

Stop, go.

I don't know.

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

Now you want a clue too, huh?

You get one yes or no question.

You get two of these.

They're called power clues.

And you can only use them between rounds.

Would you like to use a power clue now?

Power clue.

You have five seconds.

Ten seconds.

You asked me a yes or no question about the word.

What question?

You're almost out of time.

Your five seconds is almost up.

Question 13.

Yes or no?

I don't know.

You get two more choices.

You're not going to win the prize.

You're not being serious.

Okay, so I get an action, yes or no question?

Yes.

No, it is not true.

I don't know.

You only get one.

You're this close to being disqualified.

Come on, Colleen.

I give up.

I don't know what it is.

I have no clue.

You get one more guess starting now.

Guess number two.

No.

Football.

Let me tell you what.

It would be something that I would order if I was at your bar.

Five seconds.

Why?

Keep going.

Bopper.

Keep going.

Hamburger.

No.

Sierra Nevada oil.

That's time.

Well, I'm sorry you don't win.

The correct answer was vodka.

Vodka, everybody.

I did say vodka.

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did.

Why didn't you say vodka?

I said vodka.

We'll have to roll that tape.

You better roll it back.

Well, hang on.

Let's roll the tape.

Hang on.

Andy, can you get the tape?

Sure, hold on.

Call the instant replay.

We're getting the instant replay here in just one second.

See if I can get it.

Good.

Can you go to one second?

You're almost out of time.

Your five seconds is almost up.

First and play 13.

Yes or no?

I don't know.

I give up.

You get two more choices.

You're not going to win the prize.

Okay.

No.

We replayed it, and no, you did not say vodka.

I didn't say vodka.

No.

Oh.

You said vodka, or something called vodka with, like, a B, a hard vowel.

I said vodka.

No.

Well, I'm sorry.

You know, I get to keep this prize, then.

That's all right.

Go ahead.

Keep it for yourself.

$2,000.

Yay.

All right.

I told you, PCU.

Do we even get that station?

Yeah, the whole world gets it

PCU, what's the number?

Yeah, PCU

PCU

Call Underground Radio

From the radio, it's BU?

Yes, PCU

From the radio, what are you talking about?

Or now, you have to have the new

Digital Hi-Fi FM radio

Internet connection

Oh, it's XM?

No, not XM

No, fuck, that's a cool channel

Fuck that

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope

You guys just randomly calling places, or what?

Yeah, you know, we call.

We have a phone book here, you know.

We talked to Nikki earlier.

We live here.

All right, well.

Is Nikki there?

Can we talk to Nikki?

Who?

Nikki.

Nikki?

Yeah.

No, there's no Nikki here.

Brenda.

There's no Brenda.

Julie.

Sissy.

No.

Sissy.

Are they in?

Miguel, you want to talk to Miguel?

Yeah, Miguel.

Okay, hold on.

Thank you.

Mila.

Mila, Mila, Mila.

Mila.

Mila, Mila.

Mila, Miguel.

Hey.

Yo puta.

Hey, puta.

Your mother's a puta.

Yeah, fuck you, man.

Speak English.

Speak English, Mexican.

What is that?

I said speak English.

English?

Yes.

What is your social security number?

Speak English.

English.

Why you caught no green?

Are you the cook?

No.

Just washer.

Habla ingles?

Si, poquito.

Habla.

Now.

Speak now.

Okay.

What do you need?

I have a question.

What are you doing there?

Not a whole lot.

Drinking beer.

You?

Drinking beer?

Yeah.

Did you see the cars there in the parking lot?

What's that?

Did you see the cars in the parking lot?

The cars in the parking lot?

Yeah.

Did you scope them out?

I want to buy them one.

Did you scope them out?

I want you to steal one.

Did you scope them out and see which one would be easiest to steal?

Yeah.

I want you to take my truck.

You got somebody...

Can we leave it open for you?

You're going to take a truck?

Yeah.

I think...

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm only insured.

Okay.

Good.

Come in.

I'll give you the keys.

Okay.

All right.

Fine.

I'll be waiting for you.

I thought you only spoke a little bit of English.

I speak a lot of languages, my friend.

Oh, you do?

Yeah.

Yeah?

That's for the owner.

You speak Mexican?

Anytime.

Come on.

I'll wait for you.

You got a problem?

I got a lot of problems.

Yeah?

I got beef.

How many do you have?

Well, I mean, have you heard of Proposition 187?

Huh?

Have you heard of Proposition 187?

Proposition 187?

Yes.

Have you heard of Proposition Suck My Dick?

I don't know.

You want to try it?

Why don't you try it?

No, because you want to.

No, I don't.

I didn't say that.

No, because I think white people like to do that.

I'm not white, son of a bitch.

My name is Carlito.

Carlito?

Carlito, yeah.

The fuck is that?

I'm from Venezuela.

From Venezuela?

Yes.

Bogota.

What's wrong with over here?

What's wrong with what a Mexican can do?

I'm from Bogota.

You know what a Mexican can do?

Steal.

That's what we call Mexican, motherfucker.

Mexican.

Mexicans are the lapdog of America.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on down, come on down, my friend.

You're bored.

You are loud.

I'll talk to you.

Yes, all right.

I'll give you what you need.

Do you like donkey shows?

Whatever you need, my friend.

Boy, now you're being gay.

Whatever you need, I got.

I think you're getting gay with me.

That's for the owner.

Come on down.

Could you put the owner on the phone?

You talk too much.

Hey, man, don't get rude to me.

No, I'm not rude.

I'm dangerous, I'm not.

Friendly, friendly, me and you friendly.

Very friendly.

Friendly? Better because I'll punch you in the mouth.

Oh, you don't say that, friend?

Yeah, I'll kick you in the balls.

You will?

Yeah.

You're a mean motherfucker, aren't you?

I'll steal your beer.

Oh, you're a mean motherfucker, aren't you?

What are you drinking, Corona?

Whatever you want, come on down.

What are you drinking?

I'm drinking for free.

What are you drinking?

I'm drinking everything.

Are you drinking Corona or Dos Equis?

Everything.

Everything?

Yeah.

All right, pass me a little ribbon.

Come on down, brother.

All right, brother.

All right.

Can you say

Come on down

Can you say

Like that?

Yeah

Can you say

If you want to, yeah

Yeah

You're a cholo

No, I'm not cholo

I'm Mexican

I'm a hardworking Mexican

Come on down. If you're bored, come on down.

All right. Can you get the phone to the other person, please?

No, I don't have time for you, my friend.

This is not...

I called the shots here.

Well, I'm done, my friend.

All right, you Mexican.

You're lazy Mexican.

Okay. I'm leaving for you here.

All right. Bye.

Lazy.

Grease up your ass.

Yeah, I'm being here.

You made a new friend.

Yeah, it's pretty nice.

What was that, Miguel?

Oh, no.

Yeah, I don't know.

We kept getting like

Bars

Just put people on the line

Or just eating

Pee and stuff

Or not eating

They're always cool for that

They're like

Yeah here

This guy

I'll fuck you

I'll hear you talk

Yeah exactly

Well

My back's hurting

And I'm getting ready

To call it a night

To be honest with you

Good night

1230

Good show right

What do you think

Rapid

Very rapid

Hey man

Listen to how many hours

Are left on that card

You probably used

About an hour and a half

Of calls dude

Yeah

Actually yeah

Did pretty good

We got a lot of time in

Yeah good deal

Good deal

For archiving

And I'll take care of that

Milkman

Do you think you can get that

To me tonight

Do you think you can get that

To me tonight

I will get it to you

As soon as it gets done

Either tonight

Or in the morning

Okay

Alright

Okay

Because I want to add that

To the

I will

Get it to you

Alright

And all of our

Dedicated listeners

Out there

I want to thank

So much

For stopping by

And partying

In the madhouse

What the hell is this

A Samoan boy said

Are you going to

Wow he

Wow he got with us already

Yeah

He went on to the

Really?

Yeah, it must be, right?

You gave him the website.

Yeah, he probably figured it out already.

Yeah, he's a genius.

What's up?

Wow, the Samoan guy we prank called?

Yeah, he's already contacting me, man.

He is?

Oh, my God.

That's crazy.

Look at that.

He could be our correspondent in Samoa.

Yeah, our Samoan correspondent.

I know he spelled boy, B-O-I.

That's kind of gay.

Yeah, well, yeah, that is, I think.

Isn't that generally that...

Yeah, that's the hood stuff there.

It's pretty cool.

Well, we'll have to call him back and include him in the call sometime.

Yeah, maybe we should make a notation of where he worked.

He worked at Excalibur, right?

No, he was the Samoan guy that worked at Excalibur, right?

Yeah, he wouldn't come and pick up Jack Valentin.

Exactly.

Well, that's cool.

We made a new friend.

Maybe he'll spread the word.

Mr. Vergante.

Yes.

Mr. Vergante.

Give him the PCU stream

Yeah, that's what I'm going to do

I think he's got to have it

If he's in my sight

If he figured out how to get a hold of me on AOL as a messenger

He's there

He's a genius

He's smart

Smartest person we ever prank called

Alright, everybody

I'm serious

Alright, well, Milkman, thank you very much for being on tonight

Alright, I want to thank you all very much

For giving me the opportunity to be here in the madhouse

We sure do love you, PCU

Thanks a lot, peace, brothers

Andy, thank you very much

No problem

Take care, Andy

we want to thank everyone who participated

Dr. Lego called in today

refresh my memory

Brandon is his birthday

Brandon's birthday

Happy birthday Brandon

the dead

the dead was definitely a highlight of the show

that was great

peace to you Zolar

thank you

KDK also thank you of course for everything you provide

as well as Dr. Lego

Lonesome Loser you always come through with numbers

numbers. Thank you very much. PrankMessage did the

same, of course. Good

to see him back. And all the regulars in the chat

room, thank you very much. Be sure to stay

tuned for more prank calls

here on PCU. You can

also hear Zolar tomorrow

night at 10 p.m. He said he's going to have somebody.

Who did he say he's going to have? Somebody or DJ.

He said something. He's got some kind of guest tomorrow.

I forgot what it was. He tried to call in.

Some dirty-ass

Butterface or something. Yeah, Butterface. I don't know.

He tried to call in, but I was with

Lego, and we never got through.

Somebody's trying to send in a last number here.

A last number?

Dude, I got to go for it now.

What's the number we're getting here?

I don't know.

It's coming from the dead.

I can tell them we're signing out.

The dead, thanks a lot, though, brother.

We'll do it next time.

Yeah, exactly.

The dead, we'll take care of that.

And, yeah, what was I saying here?

KDK's on Saturday at 10 o'clock, right?

Send the number anyway.

All right, well, we'll hold on to it, man.

Hold on to it.

Send it to me, and I'll get it next week.

All right.

KDK, Lunative Fringes on Saturday at 10.

And Sean Ward, I don't know if he's going to be on again.

He was out of town the last two weeks.

But if you listen, I assure you, if Sean Ward isn't on, I'm sure someone is going to be on.

Because last week's Sunday, that was insane.

He'll be on eventually.

And it'll be worth it when he gets on.

Yeah, he does a good show.

And Billy Mira will be on, along with Dr. Lego, on Monday night at 8 p.m.

With friends of Bill M.

And KDK.

Yeah, well, Reclutes starts Tuesday as well.

Reclutes, Tuesday night.

What about Handjob?

That sounds like it's going to be a good one

Yeah, exactly

He's a friend of the Madhouse

He's a regular caller

And he does good stuff

He does good calls

So be sure to listen Tuesday

To Reclute's first show

I guess he's going to probably start 9, 10

I guess something like that

I don't know

And go to KDK Prank Calls

To keep up with that

And go to MadhouseLive.com

Anyway, that's going to be it for now

Everybody, thank you very much for listening

We'll catch you here next week

Be sure to keep listening

And thank you, as always, for everything you do.

It's been a pleasure.

Let me get some voucher.

This always takes me so long to do.

Dang it.

It's so anticlimactic, isn't it?

Yeah, you shouldn't.

I'm just kidding.

I'll end show.

There you go.

All right.

Thank you again, everybody.

And...

.

My PCU, I don't want you to go.

You're part of me in a non-gay sexual way.

I love you, Ellie.

Don't go.

I need a handjob.

Just been listening to a sample of The Madhouse.

If you like what you hear, be sure to listen in every Thursday night at 9.15 p.m. on PCU Radio,

your number one source for live and recorded prank calls.

For more information, visit madhouselive.com or kdkprankcalls.com.

Calls (27, 1 h 18 min of 2 h 24 min)

Transcript

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