2005-10-06 Show

The following is an exclusive of ECU Radio and MadHouseLive.com.

Smoke weed every day.

Everybody put your motherfucking hands up for the number one weed.

It's a nigga with the shower cap kicking a nasty.

Dirty 50 rap.

Detroit Sun and Red.

Hey.

What's up, everybody?

Back on the air.

What's up, Andy?

What's up, Carlos?

Carlito.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Oh, I ruined the third wall.

The fourth wall.

I learned about the fourth wall for the first time today.

I was reading all about the wrestling game and the fourth wall.

Did you really just read that today?

Yeah, I never heard of fourth wall.

Yeah, well, I just blew your fourth wall.

Yeah, now people know my real name.

That's why I never came in and I said, I don't want to want because I don't want to make a...

I can't remember anything.

Exactly.

You'd be like, you know, whatever, you'd be telling me, I wouldn't even look at you.

Exactly.

Like now.

Like right now.

Milkman, what's up?

Hey, what's happening, man?

Hey, man.

man.

You sound

extra

pervert.

Yeah,

man,

I'm ready

to go,

man.

I've been

drinking the

hot test

milk tonight.

The what?

Hot milk?

Yeah,

I've been

drinking the

hot test

milk,

man.

I've been

just busting

a bunch of

calls out

here,

some island

calls fresh

off the

press.

What,

you got island

numbers or

island calls?

What's going

on?

Yeah,

man,

a bunch of

island numbers,

man.

They're

confirmed,

so I'm

getting ready

to send you

a file.

Yeah,

okay.

Oh,

like a

got text all right on aim yes it is a prank call that um we could debut tonight but i've got a

bunch of numbers here too for you i'll send you a card all right cool well let's do it oh yeah i

got did you send me your card yet the card yet for tonight you didn't no watch for it now where

are you going to send it at um right now the closest thing i can i only have like we only

have like 30 different ways we talk to each other yeah google talk right now yeah i like google it's

It's nice and quiet.

There we go.

I can see you're typing.

Hurry up.

What?

I can see Milkman is typing.

Oh.

Yeah.

Google's going to take over the internet, Andy.

Yeah.

Are you afraid of Google?

I own, like, 2%.

Really?

You got stuck in Google?

Because you're in public.

Yeah, that's true.

That's right.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

And Athena's here, of course.

She's doing something else.

Oh, right.

The Grecian goddess.

She's not even listening.

Yay.

She's got...

I got her all set up so she can hear.

She's...

What'd you do?

You left all your book again before it came out.

She's been through two batteries on that laptop.

Oh, Lord, batteries.

That's where the kid's at.

Hey, let me...

You're sending me a file.

I'm not seeing it.

I tried to send it here just now, and it said you're not a secure user.

I don't give a shit.

We know you're insecure.

That's all right.

It's obvious.

It's all Andy's fault.

We're insecure because of Andy.

I've said a lot of bad things.

Andy, pack one up, man.

Smooth this thing out.

Pack one up, man.

Okay.

I'm not getting anything.

Hang on.

You keep trying over there.

I don't know what's going on, but I've got to make a call here because everybody's going

to start getting angry.

Go ahead and make the call, and I'm going to go ahead and send you a new transfer.

You just click accept.

All right.

Yeah, baby.

Sounds like a plan.

I'm going to get that PIN number in here.

That's what I was trying to do was put the fucking PIN number in here.

Yes, delete.

Yes.

I'm going to hit, like, yes 20 times to verify I want to delete something in this thing.

Okay, go ahead and accept.

There's your Tom Hanks calls to the ETA.

Is this the one that Nunu did?

It's a brand-new call from Nunu.

Yeah, that's what I just said.

It's from the UK.

Yeah, I know Nunu had made a prank, but...

Yeah, I guess this was part of the fielding calls.

Okay.

Okay, oh, when he was testing for the...

How's that coming along, by the way?

I hear you good now.

Okay.

Are you listening to me in delay or something?

No, I'm listening to you direct.

I just hear you, like, very, very faintly on the stream.

Very faintly?

Yeah, I got both mixes up, but I don't turn the stream up very loud because it's too late.

Okay.

All I do is just, you know, confirm that it's still going out.

Okay, all right, so you keep it kind of in the background.

Yeah, yeah, that's how I know when we go off or something happens, you know.

Right, okay.

Okay, now you're just asking me if I'm listening, so that's how long the delay is.

Okay, well, it wasn't that bad then, I guess.

Okay, anyway, let me go ahead and do the first call.

Let me call that lady, who was it, what's her name, Erlada?

What's her last name?

Erlada Milken.

Oh, it is Milken, okay.

Yeah, Milken, yeah.

The milkman wants you to call the milkman.

Put that down.

He's an island girl, so jazz it up, man.

Milliken.

All right.

God, this is a boring night.

We're being so fucking boring.

Hang on.

All right, hold your ears, everybody, because this might not work.

Hello?

Erlata?

Yes?

How are you, Erlata?

Wrong number.

I need to speak to Erlata Milliken.

Who?

Miss Milliken.

Milliken.

Nobody.

This Miss Menzies' home.

Menzies?

The Menzies' residence.

Oh, Marie.

Yes.

Oh, okay.

I read the wrong number from the list.

How are you doing?

All right.

You're all right?

Okay.

We're calling around tonight to see if you'd be interested in a free turkey for Thanksgiving.

Free turkey for Thanksgiving?

Yes, a free turkey.

Yeah.

But you have to come down and shoot it yourself.

Uh-huh.

Where?

Over here.

We have over here down at Custard Street.

Custom Street?

Custard.

Custard Street.

Yes.

Where Frederick State?

Yes.

Oh.

Are you able to come down?

You have to catch the turkey, then you have to shoot him.

Wow.

Yeah.

Do you think you can catch a turkey?

No.

My foot is not too well.

Do you have a son who could do it, maybe, or something?

No, it's just me alone right here, you know.

Okay, well, can you cook the turkey, at least?

I just don't know how to cook, is all.

Yes, I know how to cook the turkey.

How do you make a turkey?

How do you make your turkeys?

Do I make my turkey?

Yes.

I get it washed with vinegar and lime and season it up maybe two or three days before.

Okay.

And when the time comes, I just put it in the oven with my stuffing and my different ingredients.

You leave that raw turkey out for two or three days?

Huh?

You leave that raw meat turkey out for two or three days?

No, not outside, but you have to season it up.

Okay.

You have to season it up, put it in a pan, and rest it in your fridge.

Okay.

Yeah, until when the time comes for you to get it baked, do what you have to do.

Okay.

Let me ask you something.

Do you ever put any marijuana inside your turkey?

Any what?

Marijuana.

I don't know what's that.

You don't know what marijuana is?

Nope.

No ganja?

I don't know anything about drugs.

Okay, well, I didn't say it was a drug, so I guess you didn't know.

Okay, well, I understand you can't talk about that.

Well, it's very nice to talk to you.

What else do you make for Thanksgiving?

Do you make anything special with curry in it, possibly?

Sometimes curry chicken.

Oh, curry chicken, huh?

Wow.

Sometimes saltfish and dumplings with funji and all these kind of things.

What was that, funji?

Yes.

What's funji?

Fungi.

Okay.

With okra and cornmeal.

You mean, do you take okra and you fry the okra and what do you do? You then cornmeal?

You have to cook the okra in order to boil, to put with the cornmeal.

Okay.

You put the cornmeal to boil like you're boiling porridge, just that it's a different setting.

Okay. All right. Well, that sounds fun.

All right. Well, you have fun with that.

Yeah.

It sounds good. Make me some. What are you watching there? Are you watching TV? Are you watching a movie?

Yeah, I'm watching a movie.

What movie is it?

one of those um english movies british movies okay wow that's great how old are you ma'am

huh how old are you i'm 50 years old you're 50 yes half century huh well god bless you then i'm

gonna leave you alone now all right all right have a good night there you too you get some

sleep okay all right i love you okay okay you don't love me this totally does not work

yeah it does but is it was that was that call not too loud though

No, I thought it sounded pretty good.

All right.

I'm looking at the encoders.

It may be a bit loud.

It was popping.

I got my volume turned down.

Yeah, when she talked, it was popping a bit.

But let me take the chat room and see what they said.

Your audio was actually a lot louder than normal, which is really good.

Oh, really?

I usually come in long.

Yeah, well, that's the plan.

I'm doing this so I don't have to switch back and forth.

And I usually have this crappy desk mic going fucking.

Right.

It usually sounds bad.

so the phone sound the call sound a lot better but the only thing is that transition problem i have

now but this i can't do this temporarily until i buy like a phone patch how does how does the

phone patch work and and you were saying that for that not for not too much money i could hook it

up so people on like you could talk from through gizmo because this is all i do that like i know

i can talk on yeah on gizmo and he'll have to have one here it's there i would like about like

i think it's like 17 bucks 18 bucks and for under 20 bucks you can do it it's just a little

hardware change plug in one this little unit and uh you plug in two little uh connectors and that's

it you're ready to go okay all right that's how lolar does it all right good deal uh is that dtt

saying it's not loud it sounds good well that's good because i'm sure he'd let me know in a second

if it sounded like crap he's very critical yeah he's very critical but he's honest he's an honest

guy you know he called in a katie k show he sounds i don't know he doesn't sound like i think dtt

would sound well i thought he would be like he'd have a young voice man but he's got a deep voice

for 16 yeah exactly 16 yeah well you probably smoke cigarettes all right well um a lot of

cigarettes hey i like bud wild that's kind of cool dick wild we also got andrew cool yeah and

i just sent you a whole bunch of confirms on there yeah okay yeah well yeah lonesome is let

me call one of lonesome's numbers here okay yeah the booty parlor in la it's probably going to be

loud or booty's main tap i'm gonna stop confirming then okay oh yeah let me get the toll-free number

Brown, everybody. It's 888-278-8509. Once again, you can reach us here at 888-278-8509.

What the hell am I going to call? The Madhouse, baby. Well, thank you for that. Let me go

ahead and call Andrew Kuhl. All right, we'll be right back, everybody, with the next call

in just one second. Just in time with the music. Hey, show up on me. Hello? Hello. Yeah, hey.

Hey, how you doing there, lady?

Hey, where's Dick at?

I think you got the wrong number.

Well, why don't you get some Dick on the phone for me, then?

How about you kiss my ass?

I need some Dick, bitch.

Why don't you shut up?

You're talking to a man, first of all.

Don't you read the Bible?

I don't give a fuck.

I'll beat your ass with the damn Bible, woman.

Oh, I bet you will.

I will, too.

All right, well, come on.

Oh, I got some dishes here they need to get done.

Why don't you get over here?

All right, come on.

All right, fine.

What, you think you're going to push me around?

Where the fuck do you live?

You're calling Puerto Rico.

Oh, do you know that?

Yeah, I don't care.

I don't give a fuck.

Oh, I don't either.

Well, I gotta be scared.

I gotta be scared of some Puerto Rican.

Ooh, I'm scared.

I'm Puerto Rican.

Ooh, I'm scared.

You're not educated.

You didn't want to go to school either, did you?

Puerto Ricans are stupid.

I don't give a fuck.

I'm American, honey.

I'm from New York.

So what?

New York is stupid, too.

So, and so are you.

And you suck dick, too, bitch.

You Puerto Ricans ruin New York.

You have that, motherfucker.

You Puerto Ricans ruin New York, puta maricona.

I'm not Puerto Rican, bitch.

I'm Italian, motherfucker.

You're a fucking, fucking Bhutanite.

I'm a fucking Italian.

Oh yeah? Even worse. Nothing worse than a Puerto Rican and an Italian.

I'm fucking Jewish, huh?

Yeah, you're Jewish too?

I'm getting greedy, that motherfucker.

Whatever. I'm not Jewish either.

You faggot, bitch. What are you, Arabic, you fucking inbred?

No, I'm not Arabic, bitch.

Fucking inbred.

You're fucking rude, bitch.

Yeah.

Yeah, you wish I was Arabic.

You thought you was gonna get a punk on the phone, huh, bitch?

I wish I was Arabic, you know why?

Yeah.

Because then I could kill you.

You could write your father's nose, bitch.

I could beat you, legally.

You could write your father's nose, motherfucker.

You wouldn't have any rights if I was in charge.

Thank you, maricón.

You shouldn't be able to vote either, you bitch.

Get out of here.

Get out the phone now.

Put me, let me talk to a man.

You still there?

Come do it on the phone.

Hey, listen.

Hello.

Yes, I am an American.

Hello.

Hello, yes, I am an American.

Yeah, what happened?

Who the hell are you?

Who you talking to?

Who you want to talk to?

Is this Puerto Rico?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Well, guess what?

what? What? Get off our land. This is America now. We're taking over. We're calling all

the Puerto Ricans who love to know they need to move out. Go to the Dominican Republic

or something. Yeah? Go to Costa Rica. It's close enough. How about you come here and

take me out from here? How about you take the dick out of your mouth before you start

talking to me? Yeah. I got mess potatoes in my mouth. You sound like you need the phone

if you're hungry that's great oh my god what was that shauna no that was dig peterson and it was

you know the wrong number yeah but i got a white guy i got some puerto ricans yeah that's cool

you got a wrong number but it was good it's funny because i made fun of puerto ricans and italians

which i happen to be puerto rican and italian actually yeah that's good though and that's

hilarious yeah yeah man that's a good wait a minute you're italian now i have italian in me

man you know whatever i got an italian last franco-american yeah well okay and your last

name is what i'm not gonna say it but it doesn't yeah but i mean it's not like it's not like those

people were there first you know what i'm saying that that city was there a name long before those

people were there whatever that's why you hate the french so much totally anyway what else is

going on who else could yeah that was who are these people you're coming up with dude i just

been looking cold calling and checking them out man that wasn't even the right dick feeders if

You've got to call Dick.

He's a white guy, and he's kind of like a cocky bastard.

Mary Menzies.

Who the hell is this?

Damn you.

Mary Menzies just wanted to talk about it.

She's a small talker.

Oh, man, they're great.

That's why I told you, man.

It's the untouched island, man.

I've got a bunch of good ones here.

People just want to talk, too.

People are like, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, they'll talk to you, too.

Well, let me try to get Shuala back on the line.

That's what I was trying to get.

I saw that one come up, and I said, hell.

Maybe that's who you got then, because that girl was going off.

so that wasn't a gas station oh my god they're calling back already yeah you're on the madhouse

this is ddt what's up what's up ddt how you doing i'm not 16 man i'm 24. you're what you're 14 24.

not 16. 22 24 28 28 24 24 man 24. yes oh yeah good okay you know how old i am 20. the hell

how'd you know that right under your website man oh okay how old's andy you know yeah you can't get

uh let's say about seven 44 happy birthday milkman my birthday is not in two months

happy birthday hey happy birthday hey happy birthday i don't have a happy birthday 30th

is my birthday happy birthday i can't never get to this on short notice i can do laughing

it's okay man uh nice show i'll talk to you later hey will you be oh what's wrong are you upset now

oh no no no don't be don't be upset i'm not yeah so you like prank calls but you like prank calls

Well, you don't do them, right?

No, I'm not very good.

You're not very good.

I'm not either.

Like, I laugh.

I can't do them.

What do you call that last call?

Crank and crankers.

I don't like them.

I used to watch them.

I don't know.

What did you get last call?

Hey, let me ask you a question real quick.

What did you, do you live in Dearborn?

Yeah.

Okay, that's cool.

Did you see that episode of, what the hell was that show?

What was the show with that guy, that Morgan guy?

You know what I'm talking about?

The guy who did Super Size Me?

Deuce Lazard?

No, no, no.

Athena, what was that show?

30 days did you see that you see the 30 days yeah it was 30 days right they see that show

30 days that they did in dearborn they made the um but that kind of it was kind of like this racist

redneck guy they made him live as a muslim for 30 days did you see that no man yeah i think he's

from taylor i don't know was he from one of those uh he was from like atlanta or something and then

they they he was like a christian and he didn't like muslims and stuff and uh he they made him

him live with the Muslim family in Dearborn, and he had to work, he had to go to a mosque

and everything, and he never would do the prayers and stuff like that, like, I don't

know, they were trying to, like, he said he learned to, like, appreciate, like, Islam,

but he wouldn't, he wouldn't practice it, you know what I mean, like, he was, he was

still kind of...

I know, you know Debbie, you know Debbie Schlesel?

Yeah, I know Debbie Schlesel, yeah, I've heard her before, yeah.

She, she goes in a mosque, I heard a couple times she goes to the mosque, she speaks Arabic

too.

Yeah, oh, she's really, I don't know, she's, she's kind of weird, I don't know, I hear

on howard all right she's the one that calls howard a lot they'd be special yeah she's really

yeah i don't like her she had a show in detroit they didn't like her everybody like anyone who

like dtt uh is it ddt you said or i mean i'm calling you dtt i thought that's that's okay

i don't care ddt all right what does it stand for troy town tits yeah and these guys they had the

tot nwa yeah and you know windsor wa okay too that's enough acronyms for one night look at

that typically hey i was gonna ask you something else i forgot hey yeah ramadan yesterday right

yes yeah how'd it go you fast yeah yeah did you get you get to eat that after like certain time

right yeah yeah what did you eat did you eat a lot did you get hungry no i didn't eat a lot yeah

a lot okay all right if we eat a lot you get yeah that's true you don't want to eat a lot all right

well hey happy happy ramadan to you then thank you man happy uh whatever your holiday coming up

I don't practice anything.

Thanksgiving.

Halloween.

Happy Halloween.

They don't celebrate Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving?

I eat.

No, not you.

Oh, yeah.

Do you eat turkey on Thanksgiving or do you celebrate Thanksgiving?

Turkey, yeah.

You eat turkey?

And mashed potatoes?

Oh, yeah.

Meat and rice.

Meat and rice?

Yeah.

I've never had rice on Thanksgiving.

How about you?

I like hummus, though.

You like hummus?

Yeah.

Sean Ward eats some Arabic stuff, I heard.

Oh, he does?

Yeah.

Well, he's very open-minded.

I can see him doing that.

Yeah.

All right, man.

Well, hey, it was good talking to you.

Okay.

All right, don't be a stranger.

He's ever called in?

Yes.

That is the first time he's ever called in.

No, that's the first time he's ever called in to the madhouse.

But he called KDK.

When did he call KDK?

Was it last night or Saturday?

Yes, Saturday, I think.

Saturday.

Final.

That's cool, man.

Yay.

That's good.

He called in.

I can't get to my side.

Welcome to the madhouse.

Milkman, this is like donkey kind of semi-donkey voice thing.

This is Mr. Head, not the donkey.

Oh, okay. Oh, Mr. Ed.

Okay, Wilbur.

Careful with your vote, buddy.

Well, we need to call more of your numbers, man.

Hey, I just sent you a shitload of them, man.

Yeah, it's Indira Colon, older lady.

Is Indira Colon? She got a colon?

Is Indira Colon?

That's who I tried to call, and they said it was Puerto Rico.

Oh.

Yeah, well, the colon is a Puerto Rican last name.

Yeah.

You always get them mixed up when I send them to you anyway.

I do.

Yeah, but it worked out. That one worked out.

That was kind of funny.

I like being cursed out about it.

Yeah, I just like when you just start fighting with people.

Yeah, I'm just kidding.

Hey, come on.

You suck.

Where are you from?

It sucks.

Check your readout and see if you called Dick Peterson.

I don't think you did.

He's a dickhead.

He's a white guy.

I did another.

I'm going to send it to him now.

I'll do it again.

Yeah, that wasn't that black lady.

Okay, I got it here.

That was definitely a Puerto Rican girl there.

Yeah, yeah.

Hang on.

Let me get this under play.

I recognize the fire.

I already played that.

All right.

Let's do another call here.

Let's try to get Dick Peterson back on the line.

He's in what island now?

Which one exactly?

St. Croix. All my numbers here are St. Croix.

St. Croix.

Alright, we'll be right back everybody.

St. Croix.

St. Croix?

If it gives you a lift, tell them to meet you at the 2x2 Club.

Hello? Milkman?

Yeah, 2x2 Club in St. Croix.

Milkman?

Yeah.

Milkman?

Hello?

Milkman?

Hello?

Milkman?

Yeah.

Milkman?

I think we lost Milkman.

We lost Milkman.

Alright.

Hello?

Hey, let's disconnect that milkman, then.

Can I speak with Mr. Peterson, please?

Peterson?

Yeah.

Peterson, how you doing?

Doing good. How you doing?

I'm fine.

This is George Ross, and I got your name and number here.

Someone's, I got some damage to my car.

Apparently, you parked next to my car and hit the side door because you parked so close to mine,

and you're going to have to help me out with this, please.

You've done pretty, you've done about $500 of damage to my car, Mr. Peterson.

Is this some kind of clown act you guys are going into?

No, this is no kind of clown act.

I'm a very well and respected man here in St. Croix,

and I have my connections, and there was damage to my car,

and I asked someone who did it, and the guy said Dick Peterson did.

And I had you looked up in the annals, and here we are.

You thought you were going to get away with it, didn't you, smartass?

I've gotten three calls now.

You're a smartass.

Me?

I don't care how many phone calls you've been getting.

I care about the damage to my car and what you did,

and you're trying to do your way out of it.

What kind of a person calls at this hour of the night to start with?

An upset person with a damaged vehicle.

Are you a man? Are you not a man?

Are you not a man? Are you a woman? Do you have a vagina?

You're attacking me.

How big is your vagina, sir?

Well, why do they call you Dick Peterson then?

He wasn't a dick, though, man. He's like a nice guy.

No, tonight he's not, man.

I think he got cowed a little bit because he received a few calls lately.

I guess so.

Are you misprinting his number around?

That's a second call, man.

Yeah.

So when did you originally write his number down from the bathroom stall?

Oh, let's see.

I found that up there at the Chi Chi Men place all about a week ago.

Milkman has just admitted to picking up men in bathroom stalls.

Yeah, it said call me, recommended by Carlito, so I thought, well, yeah, I'll do it.

Well, he got you.

He got me there.

Wow.

Yeah.

I didn't know what to do.

See how he turned it around?

Yeah.

Yeah, there's a Pashan Boodoo Singh Hindu woman who lives in the trailer park.

Yeah, yeah, she ought to be funny.

Have you talked to her, too?

One time, man.

Do your Indian accent.

So, wait, what do you do?

You call up and say, we're going to call you later.

Hey, bitch, get ready.

Are you going to be by the phone?

Hey, hold for our call.

Don't hang up on us when we call you now.

It's important.

We don't do that.

Man, hey, Milkman.

Milkman, what are you going to do for Thanksgiving?

Are you eating turkey?

I'm already thinking about Thanksgiving.

Actually, man, you got me thinking about it.

I've got a deep fryer, a turkey deep fryer, and I'm going to do deep fried turkey.

Yeah, me and Athena were discussing.

I've had that once.

It's really good.

I have a great big old deep fryer here, man.

You take the peanut oil and put it down in there, and you shoot like garlic and a bunch of spices up in the skin.

Yeah, you eject it.

Oh, my God.

It's good.

It is good.

I've had it before.

It's very good.

It is really good.

All right, well, you're making me hungry.

Let me call Pashun, whatever.

We'll be right back, everybody, in just one moment.

That's not what I wanted to play, that stupid computer.

Hello?

Hello.

Hi, how are you?

Fine.

Good.

Is this Pashun?

Oh, he's sleeping.

Who is this?

Can you wake him up for me, please?

Who is this?

Huh?

Who is this?

That's his daughter.

Huh?

Who is this?

Yeah, this is me, the batter.

What did I say?

That's his daughter.

Who is that?

Yes, I need to speak to Pashon, please.

Okay.

Did you leave all this meat over here?

Who do you want to speak to?

Pashon.

Apparently he left a lot of beef here, some steaks.

Where?

Where did he leave it?

Over here in his locker here at the gym.

Smelling up everything.

Something godawful.

Either that or he has some really stinky underwear he left in there or something.

Yeah, he's working out. He said he wanted to impress his wife, and we got him a membership.

He's been paying $78 a month now, and there's this awful order emanating from his locker in the gym here.

We need to see if he can come clear it out.

Well, I don't know. Hold on a second.

Okay.

I'll pass on this for you.

Pass on?

Yeah.

So, sir, look, I'm calling you down from the gym. There's a horrible smell here.

Did you leave some meat or something open here in your locker?

Mr. Booty Stink.

No, no, no. Mr. Boodoo Sink? Mr. Booty Sink?

Walaka.

Halakha.

What's your name?

Walaka.

Walaka?

Yeah.

Yeah. Twenty-two-eight-one-four.

What's your name?

Two-eight-three-one. Hello?

Hashan.

Listen. Don't get angry at me, please. Respect. Respect. Respect me.

Your booty stinks.

Your breath stinks, sir.

What?

Your breath stinks.

Why your booty stinks?

Does your wife shave her pubic area?

You want to tell me about your ass, don't you?

Give me an accent.

Well, who is that?

Wife came back on.

Hello.

Your booty stink.

Why your booty stink?

All right, that was great.

It wasn't too great.

It was okay, though.

It's great when you wake someone up.

Yeah, but he was so pleasant.

I was like, oh, no.

I like how he was in one locker.

Because he does have a locker full of meat.

He puts a dirty underwear.

It's so weird.

Because he's like, which locker?

He's like, is my dirty underwear?

or is my child a poor locker?

I'm picking these crazy names

so you can work with them, man.

Okay.

You know, I got,

and there was a Booty Stink, right?

And this one here,

I'm going to send you now.

Where do you get Booty Stink out of that?

Booty Sing.

It's Boo-Doo Sing.

I call him Booty Sing.

Right, but you should say Booty Stink.

That's why you got mad.

Anyway, so...

Yeah, you work it in a little bit,

you know, kind of run it in.

I should play this prank call

that Nunu did, you say, right?

Yeah, let's do that, man.

That's a good call of Tim Searcy, man.

Nunu sent that in, man.

and this will be your debut tonight on the Madhouse.

Cool.

Music's cool, too.

What is this?

It's taking too long.

It's just a set-up.

It'll be all right.

Is this Apollo 13?

No.

Ah, something from Tom Hanks.

No, man.

Sing to this.

I'm going to do anything.

I know.

This is from Burbs, I think.

Is it from Burbs?

No.

That was a good movie.

I love that movie.

I love how square film is that.

Yeah.

Was it in Joe versus the Walk-In?

That was terrible.

Here we go.

This is a call?

Hello?

Big.

Seriously.

Oh, that's the president, right?

Yeah.

Hello, this is a coincidence.

Hi, this is Joe Fox.

Can I ask you a question?

Do you think we should meet?

Joe.

Joe Fox.

O-X.

Can I ask you a question?

Do you think we should meet?

I take that back.

Why would you want to meet somebody crazy like that?

I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about.

I heard you were sick.

Listen, I'm thinking of taking the morning off sick.

You cover the fort for me?

Yes, that's right.

Well, uh, I tell you earlier.

I tell you earlier.

yes i did joe joe fox ask who you are you to be your friend would you like to hear me tell a joke

knock knock knock knock knock knock joe joe fox just call me joe

oh little girls college you two girls and boys together college got your ladder you know it's

funny how you remember some things some things you can't oh that was very good that's the best

best soundboard i've ever heard that is that was great who's got do you has got it down with the

soundboards that was a great call and the great thing is i like that one the gift the great thing

is that he's the president of like the biggest telemarketer lobbyist group or whatever the hell

they are yeah that's who that is and he answered the phone too yeah the american telecom telemarketers

association what do they do um they harass people yeah they harass people i guess like you times

yeah like i do i know like we should talk bad about telemarketers and here we are we call

people super late at night that's exactly what we do we we make up for all them telemarketing calls

that's why we love you at the ata yeah ata dta jack valenti oh yeah jack valenti yeah so when

when am i going to get to play jack valenti on the year you'll have it tomorrow man oh you'll

have it yeah it's been so long carl's been telling me about that for so long i got no

i'm so upset and i wish you would let me go hello wait i need to make an announcement here hold on

All right, you're ready for this.

Grab your seats.

Go ahead.

Hey, buddy, be careful tonight.

The newest in the last two versions of AIM AdHack contains viruses, Trojan viruses.

I installed them both, and I got Trojan viruses.

I installed a new one that has four of them.

What are you talking about?

So I've had to reformat my computer twice now in the last two weeks.

That's funny.

Why?

Don't use AIM AdHack anymore.

What's that?

What is that?

The hack, so the little advertiser.

I don't even use fucking AIM.

I thought you used Trillium.

What happened?

I do, but I use it for my file transfers.

When I do a file transfer, I use a real AIM.

Just let the little ad go through in your file transfers.

Really?

Well, wait a minute.

I do my file transfers through Trillium.

I don't have any problems at all.

Okay.

Well, it works best with AIM.

Yeah.

Trillium does.

The other ones it doesn't work that well with, like in the online stuff,

I actually have the installed interface for some of my file transfers.

I just said, what's up to the Samoan guy from last week?

Remember last week we called a Samoan guy?

Oh, yeah.

I wonder if he's listening.

Let me ask him.

Oh, yeah, man.

Because he started listening to the stream, and he started talking to me afterwards.

Yeah.

He was supposed to pick you up, Jim Searcy.

You had the $50,000 watch.

Yeah, Jack Valente.

I'm going to talk to him.

Yeah.

Oh, he's at work right now.

Oh, he's busy.

Oh, you're at work.

All right, well, he's at work, actually.

I forgot, where do we...

Oh, he was at the limo place.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's Excalibur Limo.

Excalibur, yeah, Limo is calling me.

Yeah, we will.

I'll have to get it from the archives.

I'm sure Lonesome will find it.

Let's see here.

I keep saying I've got to call one of Lonesome's numbers because he's trying to get my attention here.

Yeah, he's been a while.

Look at that.

We've been very disrespectful to him.

Aether's House of Soul.

Ethels.

I said Ethel.

I was trying to say Aether.

Ethels.

Ethel.

Hey, why now?

All right, let me try that.

I'm going to have to take a break because I've got to take a piss here pretty soon.

Let me play something

Andy

Tell me

Tell me if you see something

Beastie Boys

I know you love them

Well

Let me start with C

How about some Ghetto Boys

Yeah

Ghetto Boys

Trick song

It's a good song

Keep this clip

Alright

Talk us out of here

Alright baby

We up here live

Man I want you all

To hold your blunts up

High

And light em up

We rollin' like that

Don't forget everybody, light him up too

Please enter your authorization

Who is this?

This is Carlito

Carlito?

Yes ma'am

What is it concerning?

It's regarding my soul

What?

It's regarding my soul

Your soul?

Yes

What are you talking about?

My soul, is this the house of soul?

Yeah, this is the restaurant

Yeah, well no, I'm calling the house of soul

My soul has been poisoned by Satan

And I'm not saved anymore

And I was wondering if you could help me out

In saving my soul

Hello

This is a restaurant

A soul food restaurant

Well, do you have something I can eat

That'll make it so I can be saved?

Hello

She didn't like to jerk around, I guess

I guess you can't jerk around

How about Jesus at the house of soul?

People who have soul don't fuck around

Sucker

I got too much soul to talk to you, cracker

I want some chitlins, baby

How much for an order of chitlins?

Man

What did they sell at Sofa was?

like chitlins and

nasty shit like that?

Some greens.

Yeah, chitlins,

greens.

I want some greens.

Yeah, there's

Excalibur.

Bluebeggers.

You know, yeah.

So let me give

him some time.

I'm going to call

Simone, girl.

I'm going to give

him some time

because he said

he was busy.

I don't want to

piss him off.

Yeah, we'll call

him later.

Yeah, we'll call

him later in the

night.

Give him a call.

Give him some

shit.

Well, he's probably

going to have

someone else

call him.

Yeah.

We'll have a guest

call.

Whoever wants a

guest call.

I don't know.

Everybody, 888-278-8509.

Once again, that's 888-278-8509.

You can join in the Madhouse.

You can call just to talk, or you can even do a prank if you want.

On the air, we'll put you on.

We'll give you your shot.

What else is going on here?

I'm going to try to do one more call before I take a break.

Let me go back to your numbers, Milkman, here real quick.

Willie John Metellus.

Meatless.

Meatless?

What is this guy?

I'm fucking up with the names.

Already called Colin.

Freaking them up with their names, man.

That's why I picked these crazy ones like this.

Who's you?

You're Meatless?

Why are you Meatless?

Wait a minute.

You, Carl Fang, just confirmed son, answer, then mom?

Yeah.

I wonder who you, Carl Fang, is.

I don't know, man.

Let's try it.

Hang on.

All right.

I'll put some more ghetto voice.

I like that sound.

Can I speak to you, Carl Fang, please?

Can you wake somebody up for me, please?

what are you doing up you doing what big up he's talking to your girl boyfriend

I got milkman yeah exactly he's in Maricon I got milkman I gotta go yeah man I see my name Carlito yeah call me back

I'm gonna take a break as promised everybody I see there's a lot oh hey milkman yeah thanks for um

thanks for throwing out the toll-free line there for me yeah he says new new saint audio isn't quite

Played as good as normal today.

So the audio is actually having trouble, apparently.

I thought the phone lines were probably doing better.

That sucks.

Hmm.

Well, I'll keep working on it.

Sorry, everybody.

But, as I said, let me go ahead and take...

Jimi Hendrix, please.

Yeah.

Oh, of course I have Jimi.

I think I do.

I always have Jimi Hendrix.

They already played...

Yeah, I've been playing Jimi Hendrix all...

Yeah, but it's...

My breaks are preset, so...

I'm pretty sure it's Jimi Hendrix.

No, there is no Jimi Hendrix coming up next.

Sorry.

But you get Bob Marley and Johnny Cash.

That should make you happy.

Oh, yeah.

Two staples on that show.

Man in black.

Uh, no.

Ring of fire.

Anyway, hang on, everybody.

We'll be right back after this.

You're listening to The Man in Black.

Oh, Sean Hummel.

I do, too.

Yeah, fuck Sean Hummel.

Sean Hummel Hair Club.

Yeah, fuck Sean Hummel.

Yeah, fuck you, Sean Hummel.

Man, if Sean Hummel was here right now, I'd kick his ass.

Oh, no.

What's up, Milkman?

You there still?

Yeah, man, I'm all right.

You there, Milkman?

Milkman?

Yeah, man, I got my ear goggles back on.

Milkman.

I had to turn on my ear.

Hello, Milkman.

Are you there, Milkman?

again who is this who is this god damn it oh here we go with the old guy yeah look at this old guy

here comes the old guy there's no more of this i'm not gonna have any more of this my name is

dick peterson nice yeah i need to get a good time i'm gonna separate that yay so you promised

tomorrow we're gonna have we're gonna have the show from two Sundays ago the zolar show with

jack valente and whatnot yes and you're gonna put it on the website so yes yes yeah and i'll

You can upload it and download it, and everybody's going to freak out because you can hear your voice,

and the audio quality is going to be much better than the actual episode.

Speaking of which, I have updated the last two episodes went on up tonight, finally.

I'm only missing one episode.

I'm missing, like, episode eight, I think, of the man.

I put nine and ten up.

I think that's what I did.

But they're up there.

If you missed the last two episodes.

Yeah, this is episode 11 we're doing tonight, officially.

Lord, we're almost a dozen episodes in, man.

We're getting old.

Yeah, I know.

The 20th episode will have to be on special.

I don't know.

I think the 20th episode will set up a bomb.

Are you not counting any of the special shows?

We'll bomb the house.

Are you just counting just regular weeks?

No, I'm just counting shows.

Yeah, I don't count the special editions we did.

Is that right?

Yeah, those are independent shows right there.

Yeah, yeah.

So, hey, I want to mention real quick to everybody,

KDK, he had an entry on Wikipedia,

wikipedia and i see that it's being disputed did you see that i was i went to i went today

to check it and let me look at it apparently there's they're they're talking about yanking

katie k's um uh page on wikipedia which would suck because how is that let's see andy doesn't

know what wikipedia are you talking to the mic yeah yeah right yeah can you hear me what is that

wikipedia it's it's like a free online uh use encyclopedia online yeah encyclopedia that

People

Independently

Submit information

Yeah

So I got some haters out

Yeah

When I want to slack at work

I just go to Wikipedia

Like today

I put in like 80s TV shows

I looked up

Small Wonder

ALF

I love Small Wonder

Small Wonder was excellent

Yeah

Remember 321 Contact

Yeah

I saw that

I read about that

I forgot about that show

And then ALF

And then A-Team was one

That's why I was thinking

About A-Team

A-Team

Everybody loves A-Team

I mean you know

Sunday Ground

Then I got into wrestling

I got into Ultimate Warrior

like the history

of the championship

the mainland

do you ever hear

the mainland

was it the

Montreal Screwjob

what is it

when Bret Hart

got the bell stolen

of course

I know about that

I'm a dork

I didn't mean to

say it

I'm sorry

that's not what

I meant

I'm trying to

look this up

this article is

being considered

for deletion

according with

wikipedia's

deletion policy

wow is that

what you do

what's your reason

I will tell you

you um some dude just said delete some dude came by says as per nom there are claims of notability

here so not speedy delete but i don't buy the article as establishing notability overall what

the fuck kind of website what is it talking about being hater somebody come on there at the hater

some dude came up said also if when deleted make sure to remove the link from the list of prank

call comedians and list kdk uh the i guess the picture of him the guy wants us to take off he

He wants to take off, in the list of prank call comedians, he wants to link to PCU taking off, apparently.

I don't know if he, I don't know, is there, I don't think there's a link to that.

It has to be a hater.

Yeah, yeah, who knows?

It must be somebody from the community.

We ought to feature an Azhat Minute just to dedicate whoever the hater is, dedicate an Azhat Minute.

Some asshole.

Correcting myself.

Yeah, something I put is a weak key.

Correcting myself, I seem to get a fair few relevant, relevant hits on Google for KDK prank calls.

how many are more

than just direct deal

listings I'm not sure

um

so that guy says

you don't even know

how to use the internet

yeah

I don't know

delete as per nomination

and then there's

delete as per

a man in black

which I don't understand

and then a guy

doesn't seem newsworthy

or otherwise notable

um

hater

yeah

and then there's

two in support

I see a

master STGHM

I think he

didn't he do one of them

he did the PCU one right

he's in there

he's the original submission

yeah

well he said

yeah

he explains that

if someone's notable enough

for so much around an article about them

without the subject's knowledge,

and it's worth keeping, blah, blah, blah, so...

Well, you know, and that's true also.

You know, look at it like this, you know,

even if they pull it off,

there's going to be people that's seen it,

so there's going to be people

going to be looking for kdkprankcalls.com.

Yeah, but it's not...

Come right on over here.

It's not the same.

Join the party in a minute.

It's not the same.

I mean, if you're going to have, like,

if you're going to have that,

you know what I mean?

If you're going to have, like,

I'm sure the Jerky Boys have a page

and KDK should have a page.

I mean, I guess not.

I mean, KDK hasn't been that big, but, I mean, in prank calls right now,

this is like one of the biggest things going.

I mean, you look at the PCU, it's important enough.

I don't know.

I agree that it should be up there.

Dude, it's legendary.

It's legendary.

Legendary radio right here.

The beacon, prank called them, right here on the Internet, here on PCU.

Well, as of now, PCU is still up on, yeah, the PCU page is still up on Wikipedia.

I don't think they're going to pull that, because that's a legit, you know, channel and everything, so.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Oh, excuse me.

I've got some jealous hater.

What about me?

I called my mom last night and told her I dropped my diaper.

You know, I said, you know, I'm a prank caller now.

What about me?

Bullshit.

Haters.

He's trying to get to that.

Oh, man.

I don't know where you were going with that.

It was just, I don't know.

It was like, okay.

Milkman's doing the old man voice again.

Okay.

Who do I call now?

now um did you recall um meatless willie john meatless no i didn't that's right let's do that

where that or call lonesome number yeah let me get to let me get to meatless here

was it meatless yeah the last one you sent me again on oh meatless oh meatless okay okay

john meatless asking why he's meatless that sounds like a hoop look at the audio set up here first

All righty. That gong is great.

Come on, me, let's meet, look.

Oh, we're gonna take a call. I see it.

Is this Jack Valente?

Jack Valente. This is Tom Serset. How are you, sir?

Yeah, I'm looking to speak with Jack Valente. He be calling my house.

Anyway, listen, pick up your aim right now.

Yeah, I see it. I'm accepting it right now. Is that the Jack Valente call?

It is indeed, sir. As soon as you said you needed it, I went right to the fucking thing.

I pulled it off. I don't know what's the matter with this guy, Milkman. He's fucking not on the ball.

Milkman, do you hear that? That's how you need to do it.

Yeah, Milkman, you can-

Right on, man.

We could all learn a lot from Zola.

Milkman, can we hear an apology to Milkman? An apology, please.

Milkman, apology.

Ah, he's snoring. Zola, you can't hear it, but he's snoring.

What?

Yeah, I'm a fucking bastard. And a guy like me who fucking sits here and-

You can set your apology on my desk, right?

We can fucking put the audio in seconds flat.

Yeah, exactly. See? Yeah, you school him. I don't know, he says he's gonna do a quality job, whatever.

Oh, okay, a quality job, huh.

That would mean that he's going to cut out the part where he tried to ruin the phone call

by coming in as a little kid calling your daddy, that's right?

Exactly, right.

You have to completely take that part out, and maybe you can salvage the call.

Yeah, that would enhance the quality of the call 100%.

Yeah, it takes all the shit out of it, right?

All right, well, I hope the audio quality that I'm sending you is feasible.

I'll be listening, my friend.

You can enjoy the rest of it, but I know I am.

Well, as soon as the file transfer is done, I'll play it.

And everybody, listen, tomorrow night you're on.

Do you have anything special planned?

I always let you plug.

What's going on?

Oh, actually, I did have something special planned, but I put it off until next weekend

because he's getting a new soundboard where he's going to be able to put my phone call through it.

So instead of him coming this Friday, he's coming the following Friday,

and I'm going to have a super spectacular show where he teaches me how to use a real soundboard

with my telephone, and I'm going to be like a real professional after that.

Who's this? Lego's coming down?

No, no, I have my guy who I had on last week, DJ Butterface.

Oh, okay, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't make it for that show.

I was preparing to go to Disney that night, so it didn't work out.

Oh, no kidding.

All right, so I would love to see you in the audience as soon as you get it.

Thank you, Zolar.

I'll play that right now.

You're the man.

And everybody, be sure to listen in tomorrow night, 10 p.m. Eastern.

Wait a minute.

As a favor on AIM, send me a link to where I can see your girlfriend's picture.

I never got to see her.

I don't think I have a picture of her online yet, but I can get that.

But didn't you have a picture of her where you were telling people to go see a link

or she was half naked or something like that?

No, no, no.

Now you're trying to get me in trouble.

That is not true.

No such picture exists.

You're breaking up.

Zolar, hello.

Hi!

Hello.

We lost Zola.

Yeah.

No one must know about those pictures.

No one must know.

That's what they get for trying to share stuff with Zola.

Because Athena, you know there's pictures of you naked online, right?

Yeah, I don't know what you do.

See you this morning.

You were sleeping.

It's an exclusive of PCU Radio and Madhouse5.com.

Let's play Jack Valente. Andy has not heard this one.

I haven't heard it yet.

We'll be fucking starving by the time she gets to us.

I don't like Jack Valente.

Can I help you?

yes hello this is Jack Valente how are you sir good evening good sir I'm Jack

Valente and I'm gonna need some pizza pies in my room tonight I'm over here at

the Manchester Grand Hyatt I do I do that would be just give me one moment

here damn you six one nine two three two one two three four is the main number

for the hotel room. I'm in 3212. We're in 3212. I'm Jack Valente. You're in the room 3212. Just tell them it's Jack Valente. They'll know who I am. I'm Jack Valente. So the room 3212, right? I drive a Dodge Stratus. I'm Jack Valente. All right. And is your last name? Valente, V like Victor, A-L-E-N-T-I.

The driver will give you a call when you're ready, you have to come down, we don't go

in the room.

You have to come down?

Yeah.

Okay, well just have them speak to Jack Valente, 3212, and I'll come right down.

Okay, no problem.

Yeah, carry on.

Alright.

Okay, and what is your order, sir?

Okay, well what kind of specials do you have?

Okay, let's see.

I'm Jack Valente.

The two last one topping pizza with the chicken and two little soup for $24.99.

$24.99.

Four of those.

Hello?

Can I get two orders of those, please?

Okay.

And what toppings for the pizza?

What toppings do you have?

Do you have ground beef?

Can I get a carryout topping?

Anchovy.

Hello?

Do you have ground beef?

Yes.

Do you have anchovies?

No, we don't have anchovies.

Okay.

I trust you're writing these down.

Pepperoni.

So one pepperoni?

No, no, no.

Okay, fine.

One of them, pepperoni, extra cheese, little bit of that green pepper there.

Daddy.

Do you have any of that sausage?

Daddy.

Yeah.

No, man.

I have pork sausage on mine.

Okay, I want pork sausage, Daddy.

Okay.

Okay. One moment, please. Be quiet, sir.

I'm Jack Valente. I have to deal with this.

Okay. Give me that on two of the pizzas.

The other one, do you do Hawaiian pizza, sir?

Yes.

Can I get a Hawaiian pizza?

So you want two of them with extra cheese, pepperoni, green pepper, and sausage?

That's right.

Two of them?

Yes, that's right.

Okay, Jeff.

You ready for the other two now?

Just one second.

I'm Jack Valente.

Craig Mazur.

Okay, what do you want to put on the second pizza?

Jack Valente wants two Hawaiian pizzas.

Jack Valente wants one of them also to have extra cheese and bacon.

Wait, wait, wait. You only have four pizzas.

Oh, that's right. Well, on the four pizzas, we're talking about the other two.

Yeah, you want a Hawaiian, right? Extra cheese, ham, and pineapple.

Yes, exactly.

What kind of chicken do you want? Hot or barbecue?

Barbecue? How hot is hot? Is that American hot?

I don't know if it's American, but it's pretty hot.

I hope so. Please don't let me down. Go ahead and make that double hot if you can.

Two hot drinks? And what kind of soda?

What do you have there? Non-permanent?

Coke, Diet Coke, Dr. Pepper, orange, and Sprite.

Go ahead and give me orange, and we're also going to need a Sprite, also an extra two liters of Sprite.

One orange, one Sprite.

And what do you want?

I'm Dr. Pepper, Daddy!

Okay, Dr. Pepper, also.

So, wait, one orange, one Dr. Pepper?

Yes.

And one Sprite?

That's correct.

Hello?

That's correct, I say.

Okay.

I'm Jim Valente.

Jim Valente.

And I need to go.

I'm Jack Valente.

That was two for those pizzas.

Excuse me.

How are you paying?

Cash, praise?

Cash.

Cash, sir.

Cash.

All cash.

Okay.

So you're in room 3212?

That's right.

And, okay, your total is $74.58.

Oh, excellent.

Hello?

Yes, I'm Jack Valente.

Yeah, Jack Valente, thanks you very much.

Okay, in about half an hour, the driver will call you and you have to come down, all right?

Wonderful, I will come down.

Throw a rope and I will come down, sir.

What is your name?

Blanco.

Beautiful.

Blanco?

All right.

Like white?

What is your name, sir?

Excuse me?

What is your name?

Mike Blanco.

Blanco.

B-L-A-N-C-O?

Yeah.

Like white?

Yes, almost.

Are you Mexican?

No.

Where are you?

Colombian?

Hello?

Yes.

Are you Colombian?

Is there anything else for you?

No, no.

That is all.

I just wanted to make small talk.

Oh, no problem.

Okay.

I'm Jack Valente.

About half an hour.

All right.

Okay.

Okay, Blanco.

I'll see you soon.

No problem.

Thank you very much.

Okay.

Bye, Blanco.

I'm Jack Valente.

Reclude just fucking sent me like 20 different numbers of pizza places in that area.

your backer can we order him flowers like from from uh from yeah we can order flowers from from

the hotel and have them put on the card um from hello hello sir he's not plugged in wait hold

your ears everybody because it's mine it's mine prank master don't do nothing you stay there

hello don't pray master you're playing with connects you're playing with connects you're

playing with you want carlito not much good don't do that the man the katie k thing man

What's wrong with you, man?

That's what we do.

We go, yay.

Can you go, yay?

Can you give us a, can you give us a, yay?

What?

Where?

Oh, my God, my finger's on fire.

That's just ash, man.

That's just weed.

What?

I don't know how that always happens.

It just happens.

I'm not licking it, man.

It's just ash.

It's going in your lungs.

Hey, Carlito.

Hey, what?

Yeah, you want to do a call, sir?

Sure.

But let me just tell you something.

Oh, God.

I got, like, a weird, interesting AIM message the other day.

It was from Peepaloid, I don't know if you know him

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know who he is

Peepaloid?

Yeah

Peepaloid?

Yeah

Peepers

Oh, Peepers, from Peepers?

No, it's not Peepers

It's, uh, the chatroom name is Peepaloid

He comes in sometimes

Peepaloid?

Yeah

Peepaloid

Yes

Peepaloid

Anyways, he says he does a show in England or some shit like that

and he wanted me to be on the radio show.

And then, like, just yesterday, he sent me an A.I.M. message saying,

we reviewed you over, like, the chat, the JDK Prime Quota chat,

and they declined me.

He what? What did he do to you?

He declined me. He doesn't want me to go on his show now.

Oh, you think it's because...

Yeah, he wants me to go on, and then he doesn't. I don't know.

He doesn't like you anymore because he can't understand you?

No, I don't know that, because he said it's from the forums and everything, you know, that I write in the forums and shit, I don't know.

The forums?

Yeah.

What forums?

The K2K forums.

I don't know what forums you're talking about.

Forums!

Oh, forums.

Forums.

Yeah, the forums.

Forums.

Trackmaster, how was work today?

Uh, tiring.

Yeah.

Tyler?

Tiring.

You can't say that right either.

I used to.

What, what, what?

I guess you can.

Anyways, alright dude, so what's going on? You want to call someone? I got numbers here if you want.

Are you at home? What are you doing right now?

I'm home.

Oh, you're home? Okay, alright.

Oh, that's right, he's playing with his Kleenex.

That's a new name for it. I never heard anyone call out playing with your Kleenex before.

Yeah, but it's very apropos.

You're wrestling with your, you're giving your little buddy a Kleenex cape.

Okay, that's enough.

Okay.

No, I said my K'nex.

K'nex? Oh, aren't those those like Legos for teenagers? Is that what it is?

Yeah.

I'm building self-esteem.

I'm building a rollercoaster.

Rollercoaster? Okay.

It's a new way for my life.

So, let's just go to...

Do you have any numbers?

I didn't even see you in the chat.

Not in the chat.

No.

Instant messaging.

I don't know.

I've got people in the Virgin Islands if you want to call them.

I'm calling Meatless.

Do you want to call Meatless?

Meatless is going to pick up.

You can call the Schwalma.

Schwalma, I tried to call.

No, we never voted.

All right.

We got this all-night gas station in the Virgin Islands.

and, um, it's a black chick with huge titties, and her end, the place is called

Chihuahua. That's the name of the gas station.

How do you want to beat it up?

Yeah.

I want to beat it up, bitch.

Yeah. Can you do that?

Nah.

Come on.

Oh, man.

I don't know, anything, anything that I, like, funny name, something with a funny name.

Well, how can you, what's that, what's that funny about Chihuahua? Chihuahua's great.

Got the ass titties.

Um, Meadless isn't picking up. All right, well, we got Willie Wild, uh, Bud Wild, yeah.

Yeah, well, that's kind of late for Bud Wild.

I got Andrew Kuhl in Hawaii.

Maybe he'll pick up.

How about Willie Wild?

Willie Wild in Kansas.

Okay.

He answered at 920.

Willie Wild.

All right.

So who are we calling now?

Willie Wild.

Hello?

Yeah, Willie Wild.

Okay.

One more time?

Who?

Dick Wild or Bud?

Dick.

Dick?

Yeah.

What about Willie?

Dick Wild.

I'm going to ask you better.

No, you want to call Dick Wild instead.

Okay.

This dude's in New Mexico.

All right.

Well, all of a sudden, you don't want to talk to Willie Wilde anymore.

Nah.

Dick Wilde.

All right, fine.

Wet Willie.

Wet Willie?

We're going to have Wet Willie.

All right, hang on there.

I've got to play.

All right.

I've got Rosalie and Michael Slutty.

S-L-U-T-Y.

Or we can try Dick Wilde again.

Or Willie Wilde.

Yeah, Willie Wilde.

Willie Wilde.

Willie Wilde, yeah.

Oh, no, we tried Dick Wilde.

That's right.

All right.

Yeah, all right.

Let's do Willie Wilde then.

All right, Willie Wilde.

Willie Wilde.

Yeah, there you are.

Hello?

This is Mrs. Wilde.

Yeah.

Hello?

Can I talk to Willie, please?

To who?

Willie, please.

Can I talk to Willie, please?

Willie, you fucking idiot.

Hello?

Hello, Willie.

You fucking idiot.

Willie.

I can't hear you.

I'm on a roller coaster.

You're on what?

I'm on a roller coaster right now.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's called Willie's Wild Adventure.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Who are you talking to?

I'm talking to you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What's my name?

Willie.

W-I-L-L-Y.

Hey, Willie.

What's my last name?

Wild.

What do you want?

I said I'm on the wildest rollercoaster now.

And we named it Billy Wild's Crazy Adventure.

And we want to make sure that you win.

What do you want?

Is it okay with you?

What do you want?

Who are you?

Mr. Wild.

What's your name?

Mr. Wild, you respect my son when he's talking to you.

You understand?

Who's this?

What's your name?

Who?

Mr. Wild.

He's kind of catchy, too.

Yeah, he did.

Like, uh, you sound like a-

Please enter your destination number, now.

Let's call- let's call- let's call the slutty.

Yeah.

Hang on. What's that damn cat?

What's that?

And Michael's slutty.

Alright.

He's eating a cat.

It's my only wed! I got my cat and my queen egg! What all do I need?

Shit.

Hey milkman!

Close for you to go.

Alright.

Remember when everybody's called Crazy Jose?

Crazy Jose.

Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I got a good thing for you. He does this every single, like, day before I close this work.

Okay. What does he do?

Um, he takes, like, the chicken that was supposed to be thrown away in a hamburger, and he saves it.

He saves it.

And he gives it to the homeless, thinking that, you know, one day when he's up front and the homeless get a million dollars, they'll give it to him.

Wow. Okay, I'll call him as a homeless man who just won the lottery.

All right.

Where's he live?

Hang on a second.

Hey, hang on. Where does he live?

Me?

Oh, he lives in Jersey.

He lives in Jersey?

What's the name of your lotto game that you play on Wednesday over there?

What?

What's the name of the lotto game you guys play during the week?

I'm going to tell him I won that.

Pick six, I don't know.

Pick six?

When does it run?

Is it on a Wednesday?

I don't know.

Try, just do the pick three.

I know that's it.

Do you have a cat over there?

Me?

No.

A cat.

I'm going to call my girlfriend.

All right, hang on.

All right.

Is he doing this?

I think he's three-way.

I don't know.

He's three-way.

There's 10 cats in his house, did you know that?

He has those, um, you know those Caribbean cats?

Are they different than normal cats?

Yeah.

No, they don't work.

They don't work?

Yeah.

Yeah?

They steal.

What am I doing to this woman?

What is she doing again?

It's Jose.

Jose?

He's Jose.

What does he do?

Please leave your message for 908.

Ah, la, la, la.

That can't go.

Okay.

Uh, I guess she's not there.

I guess not.

Uh, let me see if I can find the song when I was hanging.

Hey, you.

Hey, Jesus. He's not going to pay attention.

I have a deaf girlfriend, Josh Royer, called last week, possibly gay, curious, 27, a friend gave out his numbers, lives with his brother, Bryce Roderick.

What is all this? He rides a bike everywhere, has a deaf girlfriend.

Because he got a DUI.

Yo.

Uh, Frank, Frank, my friend, Cam.

Your friend, Cam.

You don't have a different. Do you, Roy?

Yeah.

What's Karen do?

The cat is another one of my cats.

She's like a music major. She's in college.

Oh, I'll set it straight. I'll set it straight.

Hi.

You told me enough already.

Alright, hang on.

Hurry up. You better get to work, woman.

Fuck that music major shit. You gotta get your head out of your ass.

How you doing? What manner of person are you?

You're a music major?

Yeah.

You need to get your head out of your ass, first of all. Do you know what year it is?

What, you think you're freaking Mozart or something?

going to go you're going to be a music major what so you can get pregnant and live off the government

is that what you want to do you want to be a who is this well look i'm a concerned taxpayer i'm with

the i'm with the concerned taxpayers of america and it comes to my attention that you are in

enrolled now in at the university level uh at the college level as a music major and what is this

crap what kind of job you're going to get as a music major what you're going to clean uh trumpets

and shit who is this i told you already i can't give my name out this is very all right so if you

can't tell me don't you don't don't you dare have a good one don't you dare you bitch why did you

say i was carlito i don't know because i wanted to think of something dick peterson dick peterson

okay i'm the milkman people locked up in my basement call me milkman everybody loves the

The milkman.

Milkman.

Uh, Crankmaster, now what?

Now, now what?

Uh, hang on, let me, I got one more question.

One more.

You get, you get one more.

It's good to have you on, Crankmaster.

Thank you.

Uh, you got a prank called Zolar?

You should call it, prank called Zolar.

Prank called Zolar?

He does it.

Well, he, he's got to work.

He can't just start.

He's not working now.

Nah.

What a dead chat, you know, chat room is dead.

I got a lot of people listening, but chat room's like, you know.

Here, uh, here's a good one.

His name's Lamar.

Lamar?

Yeah, he's like, he's always fucking around with me, you know, saying like,

you know, if I ask him to get him something, he's like, hell no.

And then they like, he'll get up for me.

I don't know.

I know.

Yeah, he's a good victim.

Is he black?

Yeah, he's black.

Does he work with you?

Yeah.

At the Applebee's?

No, at Chili's.

Oh, you work at Chili's now?

Okay, the other one.

Yeah.

All right, let's talk to him.

All right.

What does he do there?

What is he, a cook?

Cook.

A wreck boot, too.

Yeah, he's got his cap.

No, man, you're a genius.

Kitty, I'm on the sun.

Actually, no, man.

What I'm doing is I'm teaching the cat how to walk.

Okay.

Yes, sir.

Oh, come on.

The reason I messed up, so hang on.

All right.

Yeah.

It's true.

I'm one of the guys again, right?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You're definitely.

Yeah.

You guys are real nice to me.

I appreciate all your help.

Yes, I got many great ideas.

Let's give a call somebody.

Okay.

You know what?

I'd like to have somebody call you as a prank call, if you'd like.

Okay.

Yeah, this guy goes around saying his name is Prankmaster with an R instead of a W.

Oh!

Yeah.

That's disgusting.

I know, that's so dirty.

That fucking asshole, he's trying to make fun of me.

Yeah, all right, well...

I didn't finger that girl.

We're going to get him on the line with you.

You just...

Okay.

We're going to disconnect, and I'm going to actually put him through to you, sir.

Okay.

All right, we'll be right back with him.

But, uh, what's your fucking point in the deal?

Yeah, um, yeah, let me...

Okay, I think...

If I talk to him, we can do that.

Yeah.

I'll get this shit out here.

Okay.

Everything is masked off.

Okay.

Hello?

What are you doing, my lady, you motherfucker?

Whoa.

You're trying to find me on the air.

Shut up.

Fucker.

Your mommy got the hubbies in her mouth, too.

Yeah.

You fucking bastard.

Masters, what do you want prank cars so long for, you fucker?

What, you want to be a weird little pussy?

Hey, Rackliff.

Listen, I'm the real prank master.

You're not the real.

Are we going to have a vote on this, guys?

Right now, I'm voting for Prank Master.

Okay, that's me.

We're voting for you.

That's me.

Number one, because I'm the goddamn prank master.

I can prank everybody.

My pranks are so funny.

Remember that one about the white cars?

The bombing the white cars.

Yeah, bombing the white car. Oh, God, that was the best car ever. That was so funny.

I threw out two.

I could do really cool old-person voices. Do you want to hear them?

Yeah.

This is your brain manager. This is your brain manager, guys.

I could do a real good high-pitched voice.

Yeah, let's hear that.

This is your brain manager.

That's great.

You know, I could change my voice 50 different ways, guys.

You know, I got anal at work today.

today. Oh, nice. Really?

Yeah, it was good for my black

crooks. Was it dry? He gave me

big sausage. Was it dry?

It was dry and, you know, we used

a Crisco. Oh.

Crisco. Yay.

Crisco, yay. Crisco,

right up my ass. Oh, did you

eat it? Right up my dirty ass.

Was that a bad or a good thing?

Well, it did well because when my dad

finds out, he angry. Oh, good.

He always told my west kids

not fuck black guys.

Oh, he's keeping for himself.

Yeah, he said, you know, my mother's on your phone.

You want to talk to my mother?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

So hold on a second.

Hey, Mommy.

Hey, fuck nut.

Hello, McMaster's mother.

God damn you fuckers.

Corrupting my boy.

Why are you mad at us?

Because you get the brokers, and he has the herpes now.

Oh, Lord.

We didn't know that.

He's got them red bumps in his mouth.

I'm gonna go on there and show my titties and smoke weed with Zolars.

Whatever Zolar's offering you.

I'm gonna leave my house.

Whatever Zolar's offering you.

Go on, go on, Frankie, why'd you do it?

Whatever Zolar's offering you, we'll...

This guy is such a dickhead.

Why did you, why are you doing this, Frankie?

Oh, God, why? Why do you get the herbs in your mouth?

Oh, God, no.

No, ma'am, the floor is open to praying, Master.

Oh, God, please help my boy. Why did the Lord take him down the path?

A response of silence is a response of guilt.

That's it. He's a guilty boy. He's fingering. He's fingering.

Now, Mr. Prankmaster, how has his behavior affected your life?

Oh, God, he ripped his lizard in half.

And what is going on with all the cats in the background?

Can you tell us what's going on?

The cats, oh.

We hear meowing.

That's the only way we can get Prankmaster any real pussy.

You have a bunch of cats in there.

That's not funny, boys.

Okay, uh, gin bottles!

Oh, God, I'm drinking gin!

That's another noise you might hear in the background.

Oh, you're a gin lady?

Yeah, like, uh, oh!

I drink a lot because my husband's a failure

and my son's a prank molester.

Oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, God, save us!

You're in there!

is dinner, man.

Dickless motherfucker.

He was mad about what you said about us.

He was mad to kick his ass, and he said,

Come on, Prankmaster, bring it on.

That's what he said.

I mean, I like his girl and everything.

You know, she's hot.

She's nice to me, at least.

I'm like this dickless motherfucker who keeps taking me on.

Don't f*** me off, dude.

I never did anything to hurt him, and he comes and attacks me.

Hey, this is your chance to spit it straight on the air.

a lot of itarian life here we go with this huh let him in look at the fucking chair you guys

went on there which one was that the call now which one was the real prank master i'm still not

still not clearing i think it was the second caller calling him to respond to the first fake

prank yeah you did okay well excuse me now christ jesus god christ god jesus jesus oh my god hello

hello boy that prank master molested my name is yeah i'm now i'm 14 but i don't want him to get

away where i've been listening to pcu and um i just gotta tell everybody he he likes boys and

girl he just can't help but touch them what exactly happened to you well he come to my

house on my birthday and then he never stopped hanging out after that and he'd always get me

alone and he he would touch me and one time he tried to put his finger in my ass when he was

giving me oral he's still there we want to talk to his his mom though for sure

because she needs a good talking to yeah so you were old now when all this

happened he can you describe this if you find out if he has a number for the mom

12 years old and I'm 14 now you were 12 years old and 14 now two years ago okay

all right yeah and this is left you traumatized apparently of course it has

Well, I just don't know if I'm ever going to be able to have sex again.

Alright, well, can you sit down okay?

I've had hemorrhoid problems since he put his big porky fingers in my butthole.

You know, he probably doesn't wash his hands after he uses the bathroom,

and that might have done something to you back there also.

And his fingers are like ballpark frankfurters.

Half tubes of cookie dough.

Yeah, a little half tubes of cookie dough stuck on like a...

Look off his shirt, and I'll never forget, underneath all the rolls of fat, candy bars fell out.

Is that how he got you, was the candy bars?

Yes, yes, he had all kinds of candy bars stored under his rolls of fat.

He said like this, I am Plankmaster, watch my twig, I can make candy appear from my skin, and it just all fell out.

And these weren't the bite size you get for Halloween either, right? Are we talking about the normal Hershey bars?

No, no, they were the king size!

Oh my god, yeah.

The king size or the novelty candy bars that weigh like five pounds?

No, the family pack.

Oh, it's like a whole pack of Skittles fell out.

A three-pound bag of M&M's.

Exactly, the one you buy in Costco.

Oh, wow.

Big ass baggage, only ranchers. Wow, that's nasty.

Well, that sounds traumatizing. I feel your pain and I hope justice sees you through.

What would you like to see happen to Prankmaster?

I would like to see him drawn and quartered,

but I don't think that this horse is strong enough to pull his arms and legs apart.

Yeah, those poor horses, you know, that's a lot of strain.

To get Clydesdales.

Yeah, those are really expensive, too.

You don't want to take a risk with Clydesdales, either, you know.

Prankmaster, he may become aroused around horses.

And he might even eat one of those horses.

He never stops eating.

He puts a whole jar of peanut butter in my ass crack,

and ate it out.

You know, son, you're lucky.

Prankmaster is a lot like a praying mantis.

They have the same initials,

and just like a praying mantis,

he eats his lovers after he's coupled with them.

Well, it's like a praying mantis,

but his type was almost extinct.

Yes, well, exactly.

Well, you don't understand how lucky you came.

He's like a boa constrictor.

He'll be eating you all whole legs up to your head.

Yes, yes, yes.

Well, thank you for taking my call, and we'll listen to Zolar Vision tomorrow at 10 p.m.

We wish you best of luck, little boy.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

I'll never make love to another person again.

Well, that's okay.

That's normal.

Don't worry about it.

I'm traumatized, I tell you.

That's not bad.

He traumatized me.

Your fate is that of prankmasters who never get laid ever again.

Don't carry the cycle on and do what he did to you to others.

I can't even look at overweight people.

People, they make me cower in the corner.

Every time I look in the mirror, I just...

Well, thank you very much for calling, little...

Take my call.

All right, little Zoe, thank you for calling, sir.

That was interesting yet sad at the same time.

It was sadly interesting.

Yeah.

It was interesting, really.

Right, Lou, do you have his phone again?

He had no PC.

Did he ever get his mom's number?

I don't know.

Zolar, I tried to hint to Zolar.

I didn't want to just come out and say, hey, let me get your mom's number.

But no, he didn't.

He didn't.

So KDK definitely is not listening.

apparently, because he has no PC.

I thought he was using his dad's

computer. No, he's talking about

Prankmaster don't have a PC right now.

Did he get him to hear the show?

He just knows what time I go on, yeah.

Yeah, he just knows when to call.

He's weird. He used to call me from his lunch break.

He just said it again. I don't have a computer.

Oh, okay.

He would call me sometimes

during his lunch break on a Saturday morning

and be like, hey, you want to do a prank call

from his cell phone in the break room?

I'm like, no, I just woke up.

And that's kind of like, no, sir.

He's really, he's ultra into prank calls.

And I think that maybe he's going through some kind of withdrawal.

I don't know.

But he's still, you know, welcome to call in and whatnot, I guess.

I mean, it's interesting.

I mean, people, it's controversial, I guess.

I don't know people.

It is ever controversial.

And, you know, it's been hearsay so far.

So it's just interesting to see how it plays out.

I think maybe the big drama in a man's life right now.

I mean, if we ever actually hear from Mama, we may have, you know, some good answers here.

Until then, I guess it would be a lot of comedy.

Chainsaw says we should all chip in and buy him his ass a computer so he can come in here.

I don't have a computer either.

I get to go first.

Yeah, we should get a handy computer.

I don't have a computer.

He just donated one to KDK, and now his is blown up, and that's just like, you know, wow.

That's right.

He gave it to him on the last show that he did on Zola.

And then the one he had sitting at home must have smoked because he was trying to tell me something about it.

And he had some hardware problems, so he's probably going to be off for a while.

So KDK kept that one?

All right, let me take this call here real quick.

I'm back there in the back right now.

Hey there, buddy.

How you doing, your old brother?

Cowboy or recluse?

How you doing, recluse?

I'm doing all right. Let's call some people.

Do you have anybody? You like to call people or you like to call businesses?

It doesn't matter. I can talk to just about anybody.

You had a great show on Tuesday night.

That was a great first show.

Oh, thank you very much.

I appreciate that.

I'm just going to make it better.

We're going to have a good old time.

This show's turning out to be real good tonight.

Oh, yeah.

I think so.

It's okay.

Having a fun time tonight.

It's always good, though.

We have good times over here.

We do.

It's not my best show, but I got to play the Jack Valentia call, so I'm kind of happy.

I like that.

Oh, yeah.

You know what?

Yeah.

I just messaged fucking Child Porker about 15 times.

Okay.

Oh, and that's going to make his cell phone bill go.

Is it?

Wait, I'm going to get back on there.

Well, it depends on his plan.

Like, I know for me, I know some people, it's like 99 cents each message they get.

I'm just going to keep on scattering gibberish to his phone.

I've got about 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20.

Let's see here.

Okay, I sent too many messages.

You sent a lot.

Hey, you know what I do?

I was very vindictive with an ex-girlfriend,

And so I started copying and pasting ads from, like, the Internet.

And I would paste them into, like, this little thing that would, like,

it was just sending out, like, tons of text messages or, like, ads.

I don't know.

That's kind of.

Anyway, hey, are you able to do your Puerto Rican guy voice?

Because that was awesome the other night.

Oh, the one with, like, Scarface?

Yeah, exactly.

That was awesome.

We got it.

Yeah, okay.

All right.

Let me see who we can call.

Let me see who we just got confirmed lately.

Also, like, just the Hispanic numbers.

Well, we got Virgin Islands numbers.

And someone called earlier.

That's fine.

All right, let me see if I can find the one who we didn't call earlier.

Dick Peterson already called.

I called him yesterday, I think.

Oh, you did?

Oh, okay.

Or the other day, yeah.

Yeah, that's fine.

We can call anybody.

It doesn't matter.

We can call him again.

We have a deaf girlfriend.

What is this?

Is it a dude who has a deaf girlfriend?

Oh, no, no, no.

That's the guy.

I know that guy.

We can't call him.

Oh, we can't?

Oh, Josh Ryder, we called last week.

Yeah.

My buddy keeps on putting the damn number in there.

Oh, okay, all right.

Oh, okay, we can't.

Yeah, we can't.

I mean, he'll know it's me.

He's heard me fuck around.

Okay, all right.

Well, let's not mess with that.

Let's try to call that Shama, the one that we tried to call.

Yeah, this is an all-night gas station in the Virgin Islands.

Oh, yeah.

I remember calling that.

Yeah, it's a...

Some black chick with huge titties, apparently.

Shamana?

Yeah, Shama.

Shawama, yeah.

You want to try that, or have you already called it?

Shawama, yeah.

Yeah, let's give it a try.

All right, okay.

Let's do it.

Let me get a song here real quick.

All right, and you're on...

You got some nice tits.

Okay, very good.

We're going to play the Spanish music for everybody while we get that set up.

On top of that, you're on Tuesday nights, right?

My God, you sound like, what's his face from the Howard Stern Show?

Jeff the Drunk.

Yeah, didn't you do a prank call with him or something like that?

Oh, God, he's almost got my ass beat.

Oh, really?

Yeah, that's the guy that came down to your place after that.

That's right.

Okay.

All right, well, what's your Hispanic name going to be, by the way?

It's going to be Raul Ravanga.

Ravanga.

Raul Ravanga.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Roberto Revenga.

Okay.

All right, well.

Bruno Vega.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, yeah, no, you can do Bruno Vega.

That's the one you had the other night.

Bruno Vega, at least.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

I'd say, I'd say, I've been watching you walk around the streets.

Okay, all right, well, if I get the song here, then we can start.

All right.

Now we can start.

All right, we're back, everybody, with Bruno Vega.

Mensajes en Español, marque asterisco uno.

you have three dollars cents please enter your destination we're sorry the number you have dialed

for current balance will allow you to talk for three hours five minutes forty four seconds

mama how you doing i just want to talk to you about some things i've been seeing you at the

gas station and you've been fine god damn if he doesn't like hispanics he's not he's only in the

the brothers. I got a, I got a Regina

Cunst. Regina Cunst.

You know what I should do?

Just do like a gynecologist

but with the same voice.

Dr.

Somebody said that

you had some VD.

You're Dr. Lopez, that's all you gotta say.

Dr. Lopez. That's who I am.

You don't like it?

Well, fuck you!

Alright, we're calling her now.

Your current balance will

allow you to talk for

Four, six hours, nine minutes, twenty-nine seconds.

That's all I need. That's all I need, mate.

Talk this fucking broad down.

Hey, thanks for calling.

Could you leave a message for Todd or Regina?

Hello? Regina! I know you're there!

James, press two.

Regina! Regina, we unfortunately going to tell you that you have had signs of BD.

And you need to report to the local BD clinic for testing.

And you know what B.D. stands for? It stands for Balls Dick, you fuckin' hoe!

I've been down a fuckin' dick, and the balls went deep into your asshole!

So you need to come to the B.D. clinic and stop fuckin' those guys, those gangsters.

You wanna be gangster, you come with me and you suck on my balls.

And you lick them very good, and I put that in your face, and you like it.

Hey, this town's just like a great big pussy, just wait to get fucked.

I know, man.

What you do, do you think I got a greaseball? Fuck you!

You got the line, man.

You done?

Okay.

Okay, you got it out of your system?

I'm going to purchase.

Sucks, man.

I can't get nobody to pick up, because it's funny to hear you interact with people.

Yeah, well, just try one more, and then we'll go.

Okay, all right.

I got an old lady.

I'm calling the limo dean guy.

Oh, yeah.

You want to call the Samoan dude at work?

I need you.

Yeah.

We got this Samoan guy.

He's in Beverly Hills.

He works for Excalibur Limousine.

We're going to give him a call, and you can tell him you want to get a limo.

Okay.

All right, let's do it.

Hang on.

He'll probably know what's up.

Yeah, he knows.

Yeah, well, maybe he'll play along.

Mensajes en Español, $3.60.

Please enter your destination number now.

Your current balance will allow you to talk for 29 seconds.

Bye.

That's all I need.

That's all I need to talk to him so I can throw it down.

Matt, how may I help you?

Hey, listen.

I tried to find a Somalian gentleman.

I heard he has a cab.

Excuse me, a limo?

A Somalian gentleman with a limo?

No, Samoan, Samoan, Samoan, I believe.

Samoan, Samoan.

Yeah.

All right.

Samoan gentleman with a cab.

No, no, no, no, no.

With a limo.

He's supposed to pick me up here.

Pick you up?

L-A-X.

L-A-X?

What would you do?

Yeah.

I'm wearing an international terminal.

Okay, what's your name, sir?

My name is Rico Suave.

Rico Suave.

Yeah.

You heard that?

Yeah, sir.

That's a familiar name.

Okay.

Let me look this up on the computer real quick.

Okay.

What time did your flight arrive, sir?

He just talked off about an hour ago, I think.

All right.

I just changed my money, and I tried to get through the shows.

You know, Mr. Suave, I don't have any...

No record of that. It's a Somalian gentleman.

He's supposed to pick me up in here.

Yeah, we don't have any Samoan drivers.

There's Samoan drivers. They don't drive their limos?

No, no. They don't have...

Oh, man, he gave me the wrong information.

He gave you this information, but I...

That's fine. You guys, how much it'll pick me up?

How much it'll cost to pick you up?

Yeah.

Let me see real quick.

Where are you going?

Well, I think I'm going down Century Boulevard.

I'm going to this hotel.

I hear they have good hookers in there.

It's Adventure.

You know, L.A. Adventure is right on Century Boulevard.

All right.

Down by, I cannot remember.

Yay.

For a town car?

The regular sedan?

I thought this was a limo.

A limo?

Hold on.

Unless you got somebody driving, man.

I need a limo.

I cannot drive.

Oh, you can't drive?

No.

Too many cocktails on the plane?

Yeah, I got that, a little Yale.

All right.

Got some Yale in there, you know what I mean?

I know the customs.

You know the customs, huh?

Yeah, a couple people in there, my cousins.

Your cousins, right?

Yeah.

I got cousins and cousins.

We're going to have to party sometime, won't you?

Okay.

It'll be roughly $300 to take you from LAX Central Boulevard.

Yeah, that's fine.

You got a chauffeur?

I don't have anything available.

Okay, I understand.

But what's your name?

My name is...

Man, okay, what kind of cousins?

What's your name of your cousins?

What's their last name in the custom?

Oh, man, they got long last names.

You ready to write it down?

No.

How long is it?

I can't write too much now.

You know, Fale Apolo Polo.

Oh, wow.

Okay, man.

We come together and we get some yales.

We have a party.

That's what Los Angeles is all about, huh?

LA.

Hey.

That's why I make LA a beautiful place sometimes.

I tell you later.

But anyways, you have a good day.

Hey, and goodbye.

I think he knew what was happening.

Oh, did he?

There's a dude that we ever prank called that figured out who we are, like, in ten minutes.

Yeah, he was done, like, instantly.

Yeah, he was already done.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get your phone down.

And got on the internet.

Yeah, he got on the internet and tracked us down.

He was talking to us, and, yeah, he's our work right now.

He's very bright.

He's very, yeah, he's the smartest Samoan I've ever met.

What Samoans are known for that?

That's pretty funny.

Hey, Rick.

I'm fucking high as hell.

I gotta get the fuck out of here.

All right, I'll talk to y'all later.

All right.

Peace out.

out reclude everybody the host of the uh tuesday night hand release which premiered two nights ago

yeah tuesday night that was two nights ago well today's thursday technically it's friday i guess

it is yeah yeah it's the weekend already this week was fast like it was like 4 p.m and it felt

like it was supposed to be like 2 p.m and it was already 4 p.m like all week that's because you

were probably going into diabetic slumber like yeah exactly i can't stand work sucks i want a

a new job and i'm too lazy to do new make a new resume and on top of that i'm too i'm too lazy to

stop smoking weed too because i'd have to quit more than likely this job i have now i got it

without smoking like without i'd like i smoked the whole time i was on unemployment smoke and

like wasting half the money on weed that's cool yeah i was in my parents all i had to do is get

my car this gangster yeah like what you did right there and you know what i kept claiming it i

shouldn't say it you know what that's what got cabbie in trouble right yeah yeah i'm not that

that big. I don't want to just go out and say shit, but that's not, that's not, that's

not too much. Do you want to confess to any murders? No, no, no, yeah, no murders. We

can't talk about it. That's what my lawyer said. Anyway, what do you think? Should I

keep going? What do you want to call it tonight, man? Call, call the guy with the deaf, deaf

daughter. Milkman, tell me about that. What's that? What's the deal, Milkman? Well, this

dude, um, he'll get on there and he'll bullshit with you for a while. He's, uh, he's in his

mid twenties. He's, uh, kind of sounds fruity and you can throw some shit at him, you know,

and he'll kind of jerk back a little bit.

And we kind of pegged him for a gay curious one night.

He lived with his brother.

How come?

He got in a DUI.

He didn't push me off when I made my move.

Well, I don't know.

He was talking something about RA for reach around, so I don't know.

But anyway, he's got a deaf girlfriend, so it ought to be interesting.

Okay, so can you do like a deaf girl should be for deaf girls?

I can't do that.

Yeah, you can do it, but he can't hear me, so I'll just have to sit here and be quiet.

That's the whole thing.

Yeah, okay, because he's heard you already.

You called him once before?

No, who was it?

Somebody else called one night.

It was on one of the shows.

I don't even remember which one.

Why don't you do a call?

Why don't you do a call sometime, man?

You can't call in a toll-free line?

I have to use a card.

I've never had a milkman do a call.

I mean, he's been out for so long, he's never done a call before.

He just makes weird noises in the background.

I could call you with my card and then call the other dude.

Do you want to do a call, man?

I don't give a shit.

Hell, anytime you're ready.

All right.

You know, I just realized I've never done a call with a milkman before.

It's about time, you know.

Don't be afraid of it.

This is what everybody's been waiting for, Mel.

Yeah.

This is what all the hype's about.

This is what you've been training for.

This is why you're here.

All right, so you're going to take this one over, man.

Are you nervous?

Okay.

But you can't call that one.

Why?

You can't call it the death row?

Because Bill Mann says he knows them.

They'll know his voice.

I don't know.

Oh.

He sent me the number.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, well, they have.

Bill Mann knows it.

Yeah, so you can do it then.

Okay, cool.

Okay, Mel, man.

Can you tell me, can you do, like, a little...

Hey, get your cat again, though.

I want to hear your cat in the background.

It's making lots of noise.

Yeah, kill your cat again.

That was Prankmaster.

That was Prankmaster spanking his cat.

Well, do you have a cat around, or can you?

What kind of pets do you have, though?

Yeah.

I can do a cat call.

Okay.

That sucks.

See, where's my call?

Cats don't really sound like that.

No, they don't.

That's better.

Okay.

All right, well, hang on, everybody.

Milkman's going to do his debut call.

Oh, you have to call Milkman?

I'm going to call Milkman, yeah.

Do you have Milkman's phone number?

Yes.

No.

Milkman, send me your number because I lost my cell phone. I used to have it.

I'm not trying to be rude. I thought I did, maybe.

Maybe we should use it.

Got it.

Ooh, it's, uh, three...

No, I'm kidding.

Hang on, everybody. We'll be right back.

Doesn't matter what I say

Yeah, yeah, yeah

As long as I sing

What makes you feel that I'm

Constraint

Flaring

If you'd like to make a call, hang up and

So far

Not keepin' up

Slow down

Please enter your authorization code now.

you have three dollars fifty one cents please enter the current balance will allow you to talk

for two hours fifty five minutes forty four seconds

who's there?

Oh, you know what? We got a problem.

Because you're, uh...

Meet yourself on the computer.

Oh, I can't hear you, Dad. Hold on.

All right. I didn't think about that.

Okay, well, does this make any better?

I didn't think about that.

Yes, I'm here.

Hello?

Yeah.

You there?

Uh-huh. Can you hear me okay?

Yeah!

It's the last call tonight, by the way.

enter your authorization code we're sorry we cannot complete your call at this time

please try to enter your off sorry we cannot complete your call at this time

please try again later message 25. you call her twice yeah pardon and use it to call yeah

You have $2.57.

Please enter your destination number now.

Hollis will allow you to talk for 4 hours, 17 minutes, 29 seconds.

What's going on, man?

What's happening, baby?

Which I am.

I'm talking to you now.

Yeah, I'll help you too.

Where at?

She's hanging out and...

My goodness, did you guys get crazy tonight?

There was no craziness.

Why didn't you invite me?

There was no craziness to be had.

You guys are wild.

I bet you guys just make some hot, wild love.

Why didn't you invite me?

Bro, there's nothing wrong with Miranda, exactly.

That's the way I feel about it.

It's all good.

It's a little bit of stick pussy every now and then too.

Oh, good, good.

Hey, I'm going to have to go listen to that.

I wanted to find out if you could meet me tonight

night over on high street not that bad i'll make it worth your while and i'll treat you there and

that brother of yours that's for sure i'll make you think i'm your daddy hop on your bike and

meet me over here on high street okay yeah i can't just do it tonight now come on but you can't stand

me up again like this that's okay man you take care have a good one bye-bye so we're gonna have

a big party and i need you over here bad enter your donation number i told you you'd go for it

The last time somebody called.

All right, we'll move, man.

I'm going to pay up my phone, and I'll be back on the night.

All right.

10 seconds.

All right, I'm back.

We talked to this guy now.

Okay.

What do you think about that, Milman?

Yes.

All right.

What do you give him?

It's 1230.

I got all excited now.

You know, Josh got me excited.

Okay.

Great.

What's wrong with that?

Night is young.

Everybody, I'm going to call it a night because it's getting late, and Andy needs to go home

early tonight because he has to go to church tomorrow.

All right?

Yeah.

We're going to the temple tomorrow.

that's what i call my church yeah work i wake and bake and i go to work that's what i do too

no you don't yes i do i wake up all the time you don't i do like i do just go in late man it's not

it's not right if you don't go i do that too i do what i want there yeah i go in like late every day

yeah pretty much you know what you know what i'm not thinking about doing you ever just go to work

and just slack all day like no come on that's not me i just go there and i work even like the day

Day before Thanksgiving.

No, I don't do shit like that.

Oh, speaking of which, Arrested Development.

What did you think of that last episode?

It was pretty shitty, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know, but I think the show...

Arrested Development.

You don't get that in Arrested Development.

I don't think I've seen Arrested Development.

What's the website there?

Yeah, usually about the young ones.

You don't see Arrested Development.

What's all about?

What's your favorite part of the chicken?

The breast, isn't it?

Oh, yeah.

Thighs, too, baby.

Calm down there, tiger.

Damn, man.

All right.

Well, that's enough, everybody.

everybody. We're going to call it out. Thank you very much for calling

those who did. Not many

calls tonight, but I think we had some good calls.

Both prankmasters. Both prankmasters

called in. Reclude, DTT,

DTT, Zolar called in.

Milkman was here.

Milkman, that was on.

Whoever anti-plankmaster is, he called

in. Plankmaster, prankmaster.

One of the kids

did call in. I don't know if we ever got

the name or not. A little boy.

A little boy called in. Oh, yeah. That's right.

Oh, yeah. That was little Zop.

Thank you.

Baby Zoe.

Little baby Zoe.

All right, man.

Everybody, be sure to listen to Zolar tomorrow night at 10.

Yeah, that's got to be good.

Yeah, KDK's Lunatic Fringe is on Saturday nights at 10.

Man, I'm going to be there.

I can't wait.

I know it's going to be good.

I mean, you're going to know it's going to be good.

Sunday night, why don't you tell us what's going on?

We don't know about Sean Ward, right?

Probably not.

Well, Sean Ward will show up eventually.

He's out there in the big world there, and hopefully he'll show up.

But, hey, if not, you know somebody's going to pick it up on Sunday.

Yeah, I'm sure.

Everybody tune in just in case Sean shows up or he surprises.

Yeah, probably someone else will pick up the slack.

Monday night you'll have.

Maybe I heard Shaquille O'Neal.

Shaquille O'Neal?

I heard Shaquille O'Neal.

Really?

I didn't hear about that one.

That's good.

Shaquille O'Neal would be great.

Sunday night, Shaquille O'Neal.

Hey, man, listen to Shaq.

I think Billy Mayer is supposed to be live this week.

We should prank all people.

Hey, this is Shaq.

I want to be a police officer.

Yeah, I want to be a sheriff of your town.

I captured five child molesters in the last week.

Shack a prank call, um, um, um, Prankmaster.

Yeah, Prankmaster.

I heard what you're doing.

I'm a deputy sheriff in Miami.

If you don't cut it out, I'm gonna bring you in big trouble.

You know, he's got these big-ass lights on his house over there on Star Island in South Beach.

And, um, it's ruining, like, all these people, so they can't see the, the sunset.

Or they can't see the, like, the night scape or whatever of Miami.

And they're trying to sue him, and he was, like, a real dick about it and shit.

Yeah, he should be a dick.

Yeah, well, like, you know what's funny, though, the reporter, the Miami reporter goes up to his house, gets to the gate, and hits the speaker, and Shaq came on all of a sudden, he's like, what do you want, man?

He's like, just like that.

Why are you at my house?

Hey, man, what do you want, man?

Hey.

He said he don't care about the lights.

I don't care about the lights.

Yeah, he said.

I don't care about anything.

I don't think you should be at my house.

Exactly.

He's not on Florida Power, man.

Fuck Shaq.

He lives in Atlanta, too.

He's got the KS house.

He's going to buy the magic, and we're all going to be real happy.

Really?

Yeah.

He's not going to come back to the Magic.

He said he was going to buy the Magic.

Oh, he's going to buy?

He said he was going to retire with the Magic, but he's going to be too old by the time he's in Miami.

He said he's going to buy the Magic.

He's going to buy the Magic.

All right.

Well, that's the end of the show, everybody.

Milkman, thank you very much for being on, as always.

Later, Milkman.

Hey, thanks a lot.

I love being on the air, and thanks so much, KDK, Dr. Lego, Madman,

and everybody out there at PSU that makes this all possible.

in our big man Carlito Namad House.

Thank you very much.

Damn you.

Look, I forgot.

I was trying to say Monday night, Billy Mirrors on at 8.

Billy Mirrors, Friends of Bill and I with Dr. Lego.

And I believe Dr. Lego is going to do Prank the World on Tuesday.

And then we'll also have Reclue doing the hand release at some point.

I don't know when they're going to do it, if they're doing it together or what.

I think they're going to follow one after the other.

They may even double up.

It's not for sure.

It's up in the air.

So definitely tune in for Tuesday, too, because something wild is going to be happening.

Billy Mayer is supposed to be live in the studio back from Amsterdam.

He's going to have some good wild women tales and party tales, I'm sure.

I'm sure he will.

Yeah, he was calling in last week, too, so that was pretty cool.

Yeah.

What else?

KDK, Cycle Babbles on Wednesday night at 10, and then you'll be back on the Madhouse next Thursday.

Yeah, man, a big party show.

All right.

Well, everybody, thank you very much for calling in.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you for participating in chat, or even if you're just standing by listening, I thank you all.

be sure to visit madhouselive.com

that's madhouselive.com

and kdkprankcalls.com

spread the word

Andy thank you very much for

no problem

we'll catch y'all next week

have a great weekend

and be safe

you've just been listening to a sample

of the madhouse

if you like what you hear

be sure to listen in every Thursday night

at 9.15 p.m. on

PCU Radio, your number

one source for live and recorded

prank calls. For more

information, visit MadHouseLive.com

or

Calls (23, 1 h 19 min of 2 h 12 min)

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