2005-10-13 Show (part 1)

Right.

I don't take any shit for Prankmaster.

I wonder, he can't listen, right?

He doesn't have a computer.

No, he don't have a PC.

He just knows when the show starts.

He started calling right at 9.15.

He's like,

Yeah, yeah.

Crane is on.

So, anyway.

Let me go into the chat room.

Look at what Lonesome's sending me here.

He's got me with Sue Pranker,

Musu Do,

Simi Booty,

Virginia Barron Ho,

Douglas Dick.

Yeah, these are all the names I was using for Prankmaster, actually.

Two of these are apparently Americans who live in Puerto Rico, which is interesting.

Douglas Dick.

I wish Recklood would call back.

I'm getting him to do Bruno Vega calling the real Douglas Dick and telling him to get out of Puerto Rico.

Damn it, man.

Yeah, let me tell Recklood here real quick.

Hang on there.

Just bear with me, everybody.

Oh, yeah.

By the way, you want to reach us here.

Of course, the website to go to is madhouselive.com.

When you go to madhouselive.com, you'll be able to click on the Listen Join link on the top right-hand corner of the page.

And that's your key to get into the chat room.

It's absolutely free.

You can use your Java client for free on your web browser,

or you can use the IRC option.

The server is irc.lazy-net.de.

Again, that's irc.lazy-net.de.

That's not a German server, though.

It's American.

Yeah, PCU is a channel.

Thank you very much, my friend.

You're always so helpful.

AOL Instant Messenger users, reach me at madhouseradio, excuse me, madhouseradio.

Google Talk, same thing, madhouseradio.

Yahoo Messenger, you can reach me at madhousepcuradio.

MSN users, madhousepcuradio at hotmail.com.

Also, MySpace, I'm on madhouseradio is the URL, myspace.com forward slash madhouseradio.

I'm probably going to change that soon

And to one of those

You know how they have special pages for bands

Where you can post music and stuff

I'm gonna

Sean Ward told me to go ahead and do that

That's a better option

Because I can put my prank calls up there

Spread them around

Yeah

So anyway

Um

Go ahead and get that call

And let me tell

I was trying to tell

Sent

Oh Boonie sent me 20 numbers in the chat room

Hang on let me look at that

Let's see what Boonie sent me

Boonie

Oh hell yeah he did

Look at that

He got some shit

Alright wait

We got Red Booth back here

I need you to be able to come, dude.

You want to come?

It's better with me.

It is better with you.

Look, don't worry.

I'll have that talk with Zolar and everything will be just fine.

Don't worry, Frankie.

I don't know why you guys just fuck with me.

You know what I found on the goddamn KDK site?

You what?

I found...

They put a soundboard of me.

When will it stop?

I don't know when this madness will stop.

I don't know, man.

The best thing you can do is keep calling in. That's all I gotta say.

Okay, well, did you play the prank on me?

Yeah, well, no.

Because I'm the master of pranks.

Well, um, no. Yeah, I know. You're very good. You make everybody laugh at your prank.

I would not lie about something like that.

What about the prank drink? I like that prank.

Well, you kind of threaten people that you're gonna bomb them.

I don't bomb nobody. I don't hurt nobody.

I know. You're peaceful. You just molest people.

Oh, I didn't say that. I didn't say that. I didn't mean that every time.

Wait, wait.

No, no, no.

No, don't cry.

I'm going to show all you bad asses.

All right, enough of that fuck.

Let's just call it Plague Some Fucks.

Okay, do you want to try that plan I had?

We got Douglas Dick in Puerto Rico.

Douglas Dick?

Douglas Dick, or there's also a Virginia Ho.

Virginia who?

Virginia Ho.

Virginia Baron Ho.

I don't know.

I think Douglas Dick is a better shot to be an actual white person.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

The guy answered there about 30 minutes ago, so you should be straight.

It's an hour later over there, same time as Milkman's place, right?

It's like 1130 or something.

Puerto Rico is still the same time, Carlito.

Yeah.

Oh, that's right, because they don't have a time change.

I don't know.

I used to go to Puerto Rico every year.

I should know this.

You're actually going to be calling Rio Piedras, which is a city near San Juan, which is pretty ghetto.

So this might be actually interesting.

I don't know why anybody from the States would want to live there, but there it is.

so okay so it's uh san pedro uh rio where it's near we are uh it's near san juan it's very near

san juan okay all right suburb of san juan um and the guys douglas like just tell them you know

you know just like here you would tell me that i need to get out because you know i'm taking

your job like that well oh yeah so i say how are you you're a you're

honky cracker you yankee you go back to you're gringo that's what you got to say gringo

Gringo, you bastard.

You ain't no part of us.

Yeah, exactly.

All right, let's do it.

You're going to have to go back to your country.

There we go.

Everybody, this is reverse racism at its best.

Reverse racism.

Let's try it.

We'll be right back in just a second.

Okay, Bruno.

Hey.

What's up, KD?

Hello?

Stop.

Yeah.

Why are you doing taking a job, single?

Why are you in this country taking the jobs from the brown-skinned people?

You explain that to me.

Why?

You think it's funny?

Why don't you open your mouth, you coward? Show yourself, piece of shit. Call me from San Juan.

I am going to stick something right up your ass. It's gonna be a nice blade. You go back overseas, you fucker.

Please enter your destination number now.

Let's call Virginia now.

Fuck, man, that guy didn't want to put up a fight.

Yeah, he's a faggot, man.

He probably knows. He probably had that call before.

He's like, oh shit!

Nobago's trying to get him.

Virginia, home.

For words when I do it like that.

Virginia! Virginia! I want to speak to Virginia right now, please.

Excuse me?

I want to speak to Virginia.

Virginia is sleeping right now.

Okay, well, you go and get her, man, because this is really important.

Who's calling?

This is Bruno Vega.

King?

Hey, why are you coming to this country?

You take away the jobs from the blue collars?

You bastard.

Get Virginia right now.

I'm going to come to your house, man.

You don't fuck around with me.

Bruno Vega.

You hear that name?

You tremble in fear.

Who you are?

I am Bruno Vega.

Who am I? You speak correct English, but you sound like some kind of Puerto Rican.

So why you take the jobs from the real Americans like me?

I was born in this country. Well, I was born close to this country, and it makes me sick.

You go get Virginia now. You wake her up. It's an emergency.

Please enter your destination number now.

Damn it, man.

I want to start calling like, you know what I'm saying?

Like, act like, it's going to be like, I don't appreciate you.

Like, act like a hillbilly.

Well, I was thinking about calling and trying to get people to join the Ku Klux Klan in Puerto Rico.

See how that would work, you know?

Oh, God, that would be funny.

You'd be like, yeah, we've got a Puerto Rico problem here in this place.

We've got to get some people together.

Good wife.

You've got any numbers in, like, Atlanta?

Some, like, deaf or black number, like Jenkins?

Yeah, exactly.

Fucking Williams and shit.

Yeah, Conrad.

Well, that's a plan for the future for sure.

Well, hey, Reckless, thank you very much.

And you're going to be on Tuesday night again, I suppose, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, you got everything worked out with that problem you had with the...

Yeah, I went and bought a mixer today, because I'm fucking tired of this.

It's like, the reason is because I got like fucking half, I got so much fucking equipment down here,

but I can't use it with that DirectX, because I haven't got a,

all our sound cards are compatible with like a different kind of standard,

so I have to use like the regular jacks in the back.

Okay, oh, yeah.

So what I'm going to do is, I got a way to bypass it, I got to set up some crazy shit just so it'll work.

Okay.

but I got it all in.

I'm going to have a microphone permanently, like, taped to the phone,

and then I'll be able to talk, like, you know what I'm saying?

Like, I'll talk to the receiver, but everybody will hear it.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, I got you.

On the other end.

Yeah, I figured you should get a phone patch, man.

I don't think there's that.

I'm going to get one soon.

My fucking boss has one.

It's, like, $150.

They're so nice.

You're kidding.

And I used to use it all the time.

I used it to record so many pranks, and then he fucking, like, hid it from me

because, you know, I like to prank people.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

So he's like, oh, that's a nice.

Bastard, he won't tell me if I want it in that room right now because he knows I'm using it.

So he locked the room and shit.

I'm like, yeah, you fucker.

That's all right.

I'll get it together.

Well, you know what I did?

I bought two for $13.

I got it hooked up so I can talk.

It's going straight to the computer.

I have to talk into the handset, but I can hear through the headset.

You know what I mean?

It's a lot better sound quality.

It's a lot easier.

Well, you have to send me what you got.

I'll go ahead and get it.

It's a lot easier.

You know what?

I'll send you a copy of exactly what I got on the Radio Shack receipt.

That's where I got it.

13 bucks

Oh shit

It was one cable

And two adapters

It's

You want

I don't know

One third

I don't know

Something like that

I don't know

Oh god dude

You have to send me that

I'll go buy that

Like tomorrow

I'll fucking take this mixer

Back then

Yeah exactly

Oh the mixer is good

For other stuff though

But hey you know

Yeah but I mean

We got fucking tons

Of mixers down here

I mean we got like

This $120,000 mixer

I can't even use

For this fucking shit

It pisses me off

You got like

All these nice

Expensive tools

I can't even use

Because, like, the cadenza mics would just, there's no way, they would be way too sensitive.

Like, it would just be, like, crazy.

But, anyways, like, I tried to use that Beta 87 one.

It's real nice.

It's, like, a $200 mic.

It's, like, one of our cheapest.

So, I tried to use it, but it was, like, crazy.

So, anyways.

Yeah, man, send me the, if you could send me the fucking receipt or whatever, man, I'd love that.

Yeah, yeah, I'll copy down exactly, like, the serial numbers or whatever, and you'll know exactly what to get.

Or, you know what I mean?

I'll send you.

I'll hook you up.

I'll tell you what you got to do.

That's cool.

Did you like the theme song to the hand release?

No, did I hear it yet?

I'll have to send it to you.

Oh, yeah, send it to me.

Yeah, send it to me.

It's like me singing like Michael McDonald,

punking out a little molester bitch.

Oh, okay.

Oh, yeah, I did hear that.

I did hear that, yeah.

Me and Athena were actually listening to that laughing.

We were on the couch listening to that.

That was a great night.

All right.

All right, yo.

All right, well, peace.

I'll talk to you later, man.

All right, thank you.

Bye-bye.

And that was Reclude, everybody.

Thank you very much, Reclude, for calling in today.

Sorry, everybody.

Just bear with me here while I try to get him.

I'm going to give him one more chance to get on.

He's logging off now.

a good sign, let me do the same, and log back in, I want to comment real quickly on next

week's show, there is a slight, small possibility that I will not be able to do a show next

week, if so, I will have a best of that I've already created, of the best of, I think it's

like four different shows, I took the best part of all four of them, so it's a really

really funny show. It's stuff that you've heard before

but you've only heard it once

before and it's all cut up so you won't even

know. So be sure to listen.

I'm 90% sure

I'll be here but just in case I'm not

for some reason, which I can't

explain right now unfortunately. If I'm not

there will be a show.

I'll send a copy to Milkman, to KDK,

whoever I can to see if they can broadcast it for me.

There'll be a show next week.

No matter what, there'll be a Madhouse episode and

there's only a 1 in 10

percent chance that it won't go on.

Um, let's try Milkman once more.

Hey, what's up, man?

Hey, man, this is a party room, man.

Can I take your order, please?

All right, I want extra party tonight.

Extra.

Okay, extra party.

Okay, so I get with extra cheese?

Uh, extra KY, actually.

All right, could we, uh, interest you in a double serving of that?

No.

No, no, I don't like double.

No, no, no.

Just, just, just single.

I don't like to go too crazy.

Anyway.

All right.

All right, well, hey, I'm going to take a break.

I'm going to take my first break of the night.

Woo-hoo.

Cool, man.

Yeah.

Are you excited about that?

I'm ready to go, dude.

I'm back on the air, and now I can go pee.

Great.

Well, hey, now's your chance.

All right, everybody, we'll be right back in just a moment.

It is now 1045.

Go ahead and come through with those numbers if you have them.

When I come back and when I try to hit a few numbers that Boonie sent me,

it's got me some dude selling a Furby, a bike for sale, an Afro-Hawaiian erotic servicer,

calls herself a brick house.

Look at that.

Wow.

Can you imagine that?

He calls himself a brick house.

Free skin analysis, minister for weddings, 20 years experience.

That's got to be funny.

Ice cream truck for rent, private bartender for hire, Halloween tarot reader,

a janitor who has equipment for sale, and a taco stand that's for sale.

That's interesting.

And, of course, Lonesome is coming through with some numbers.

I want to try to hit some more of those.

We'll be right back in just a moment, everybody.

Please stay tuned.

You're listening to Madhouse on PCU Radio.

Brooklyn.

it's off carlito is back i shot a man in reno just to watch him die

everybody carlito is indeed back man yeah baby what's this that you're telling me now

prank master is saying that he wants you to call him yeah he's uh i guess he must be upset

set from all the going wrong calls that were going on the air and i'm having trouble with my

sprint service right now i can't even call him so i told him i'd have to wait till later to call him

okay and you're gonna try to ease his mind about whatever it is that's bothering him i suppose i

guess i guess i just you know i can't stay on the air all night with him on the phone but i mean

i'll try and call him here in a little bit if i'm you know if he's still up and i'm awake

everything works out with him what's reclute doing uh reclute's posting in what's been going

Yeah, Rick was just pretty much saying that he owned him.

I was telling Pranker, I said that directly.

He said he blocked him or something.

Yeah, I guess he finally blocked him.

So, hey, yeah, yeah.

So, you like the Johnny Cash song?

Yeah, I remember that video was big news.

I remember seeing the video and like, eh, whatever.

And then I finally got around to checking out the song today after I saw that commercial.

That was cool.

And I read all about it.

His last recording

Is pretty appropriate for his life

What's the name of the song?

It's called A Hurt

It just puts chills on my spine

That's the man in black, dude

He was cool as hell, man

If you watch the video

If you watch the video, it's even better

Because apparently they shot him in a way

Where it's in his house

And it's just

It has no makeup, they don't bother getting the best angles

They show him as it is him

That's exactly like he wanted it

and he looks old old guy by then he's old he was old he was dying he was sick you know and he's

just and it shows him in his house and then i guess there's some kind of um some kind of

muse johnny cash museum in california that was flooded was flooded over and got closed down

because people lost interest in it and it was all decaying and all broken and they were showing that

in the video they were showing it and it was like a testament to his life like he was this great

thing and now he's just all broken and and everything he was really and then they kept

He was showing, like, pictures of his past, like, his youth when he was young and everything.

Yeah, in the 60s, man.

He always had that black leather jacket and everything.

Yeah.

And they called him the man in black because, like, everybody, even the establishment couldn't stand him.

And all the kids liked him, you know, because he was, like, cool, you know.

Yeah.

He was even a partier and stuff.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

So he lived life, like, people like him, man.

I wish I could say I live like Johnny Cash because he lived it to the max.

You know what I mean?

Like, people like that.

Jimmy Hendrix.

He was the ultimate.

You got Jimmy Hendrix.

He just went out and all out in his life.

You know what I mean?

He died young, but he fucking, you know.

You know, he made his career in three years.

He made fame in three years.

Yeah, exactly.

He was undiscovered, and in three years, he was internationally renowned and universally now.

Yeah, and then gone, just like that.

You know what I mean?

Bob Marley's another one, died too early.

Yep, Stevie Ray Vaughan.

Yeah, exactly.

Janis Joplin.

Richie Valens.

Yeah, Keith Moon.

The big bopper.

John Bonham.

How can we forget, more recently, you have from Nirvana, damn it, the hell is that guy's name?

Kurt Cobain.

Yeah, Tupac and Biggie, you can say to an extent, I guess, if you want to go that way.

And the guy from, oh Jesus, Alice in Chains.

The singer.

It'll hit me in a minute.

Somebody send me his name.

Somebody said it.

I'm sure someone in the chat knows it.

And they were reminiscing on fucking bullshit.

Here's a Tori Amos cover of Smells Like Teen Spirit, which is very sad.

You just think about it.

It's very crappy, though.

Not the way she sings it.

It's just so shitty, though.

I can just imagine Kurt Cobain hearing this and just loading up his shotgun.

You know what I mean?

So horrible.

This is what did it.

You probably heard this.

Oh, my God.

Dude, it even sounds depressing.

I know.

Watch, he is.

Oh, God.

I mean, she does some okay stuff, but that one there makes me want to fart.

It makes you want to fart?

The fuck is that?

I just want to fart.

That's so disrespectful.

You don't even want to, like, spit.

It's like, I want to fart.

I just need to fart.

It makes me want to shit on somebody's chest.

It's like some nasty shit.

Put a plastic plate over your face, baby.

Oh, God damn it.

I'll shit on it.

You know, yeah, isn't that a hot plate?

I think you know a little bit too much about that, man.

That's kind of weird.

Anyway.

So, in the chat room, there's a lot of the numbers have grown.

I see our listening numbers.

You know, this show, people listen to my show, I think, start listening to it later.

Well, no, I think Zolar pays some numbers when I watch, like, around midnight.

He gets steamrolling around midnight.

I steamroll about 10.30.

I start peaking, yeah, and I hold my numbers until, like, 11.30, and then I usually quit.

Nowadays, I usually quit around 12 because I need to get steamrolling.

Well, you've got work scheduled and everything, and it's always going to be on a work night.

Yeah, man.

Yeah.

Oh, what was I going to say?

Very important.

Just to let you know, I'm a college student.

I'm taking a semester off because I went to school from, like, man, I started in January of 2003

and went all the way straight without taking a semester off all the way until July.

Until July

And I'm talking about

I took summer semesters

I took winter semesters

Every single day

For all that time

I went to school straight

And I got

I got my degree

My associates

And I'm getting ready

To go to

I'm going back

To a four year

I look

I was going to

A four year university

When I first got out

Of high school

I was 18

Just turned 18

Like a month

And I was already

I had my first

First apartment

With my friend Andy

Who was on the show

He was my roommate

main another friend of ours and i wasn't ready and i really fucked up and i ended up getting um

suspended um from the university so i had and then i took like three years off and i had you know

just you know you know just life mistakes i got involved with a girl who was a drug addict get

your priorities in line yeah then again i i you know i made some bad mistakes in my life i held

a few crappy jobs and but i turned myself around and i finally got to a point where i could afford

forward to go to school again i might have to pay i had a full ride to to a four-year university

here in orlando oh man university central florida and i lost it i was but you know i was young but

you learned but now i really appreciate it but i this i'm going to go back triumphantly going to

go back to the same university that i kicked out of you know what i mean it's like yeah it's like

something really big for me but i decided to take a semester off because i didn't want to go burnt

out you know don't get burnt out man you know you just give you a chance to breathe and relax

and feel like you're alive again and, you know, just disconnect from the strain,

and then you'll come back full force.

Exactly.

So that's the word to all the younger, I know a lot of younger people listening to this show.

You know, don't be too quick after getting out of high school, bro, to jump into college.

Take a year off and travel or just even just fucking chill at home and smoke

and drink with your friends who stay or whatever.

You know what I mean?

Just don't, you don't want to, you want to get that break.

You need a break after high school.

After you're fucking

After you

Since you're five years old

All the way for 13 years

You're going to school

I mean yeah

You get summers off

But shit

I mean you're

Senior year

You have all that pressure

Prom and graduation

And getting your grades

In on time

And you don't want to be

Jumping in

SATs

Yeah

SATs

Fuck

You know

Yeah

And then

If on top of that

You're having to deal with

Oh I gotta apply

For the university

And I gotta get accepted

Am I gonna accept it

Forget

You know

I wish I would've known

I would've taken a year off

And I should've

I would've traveled

I just would've

i had money i had a choice i had a lot of money it was like i could get a car um get an apartment

get all this stuff for myself and and you know pay for some of my school which i ended up having

to i had a full ride but you know and instead of taking that money i was given an option i could

go travel for a while you know just around the country see new york see california and shit

or i could have just moved out of my own and i decided to move out of my own worst mistake i

ever made well yeah man that's a tough blow man especially since you know you had the full ticket

You know, you learn from these kind of things, Carlito.

You learn, you know.

So what I was trying to get to in all this is in January, I will be going back to school.

So knock on wood, I won't have to start the show at 10 o'clock anymore.

I want to keep starting in theory at 9.15, but in truth, that's 9.30 with me.

Sometimes I start at, well, last week I started almost at 10.

So, I may have to change back the start time to 10 o'clock if I end up with a Thursday night class, which would probably be over around 9.30.

I live right down the street, so it wouldn't take that long to get home.

But I'm just concerned that if I get a class that ends at 9.45 or something like that, I may have to start the show at 10.30 even or 10.15.

I'll stay up at that point.

I'll induce myself with caffeine or whatever to do a show.

No, I'll still be here Thursday nights, but I may not be starting as early as I am now.

I may not be starting in the 9 o'clock hour.

I may be starting at 10 or maybe even up to 10.30 at West.

But that's way in the future.

We'll definitely be using all those Western numbers.

Yes, definitely.

We'll definitely be at the, yeah, because at that point it's too late to call West Coast.

But, you know, there's every, you know, KDK starts at 10, you know what I mean?

So does Zolot.

Yeah, but see, he's on a different day.

We're on Thursday, the day before the last day.

So it does kind of affect the dynamics where other people, you know,

have almost a weekend shed that uses their number.

So there's a lot better chance of getting some response from the calls, you know.

Right, right.

Everybody's in bed on a heart shake.

Yeah, exactly.

I know, right?

So they're really pissed, you know.

Hardly anybody's ever drunk.

Yeah, exactly.

Well, it'll work out.

I mean, we'll call the West Coast.

It's still going to be seven-something.

Come on, man.

Yeah, man.

We can get some good numbers out of this shit.

Yeah, man, well, that's good you're going to take a break, man.

This will be a plus for all our listeners then, definitely.

Yeah, well, I'm halfway out of my break, so don't worry.

There will be a show.

Just I'll keep you updated as the months come by.

And I still have to go down to the university to have a whole appeal process.

I have to go in front of the dean and all these people, and, oh, it's going to be horrible.

And I've got to pay money up the ass to do it too, apparently, because I owe the university, no joke, about $330 in fines.

Oh, damn.

Um, and that's, that's including, I had four library books that I kept out for seven years.

Um, so they, they said that they would, um, they would, like, they told me that they would

not charge me the fine, so I would just turn in the books, apparently.

And, fucking, this is prank master just calling over and over again.

I can't put him on right now.

I, I'm talking philosophically.

Okay, I just fucked up the phone setup, so that's probably gonna make a loud noise when

I turn it on.

It wouldn't be loud.

No, no, no, when I turn on the phone, it probably won't be.

And the chairman is asking

Why I would get a night class

Jesus is asking me

That would be because I work also

I work a normal

You have a daylight job

I wake up at 6am

Now because I'm actually not getting up

I used to get up at 5

I want to get back to that

I used to get up at 5

Drink my coffee

Do my email

Go down to the gym here at the apartment complex

come home and get ready for work, take a shower and everything,

smoke a bowl, take a shower, you know, and all that.

And that's another thing.

I need to quit smoking weed, man.

I'm like, it's getting insane with me smoking weed right now.

It's not a joke.

Dude, I know, man.

I'm talking like.

I used to partake quite a bit, dude, you know.

Thank the Lord, man.

Ten years, man, not a puff.

You know, I need a new job.

I got to quit, and it's just like right now financially it's only $25 a week,

week but still that's a hundred bucks a month i mean i i'm on a short budget myself i mean i barely

make it as it is but i have to work i'll work from 7 30 until 4 30 every day monday through

friday i get weekends off at least but i do my show i i'll do my show tonight i'll probably get

to sleep around one and i'll have you know five hours sometimes i don't fall asleep until like

three some if they had a good show i'll listen to it again right there i'll want to listen like

tonight i'll probably listen to the first hour of the show again after that that gangbang call

It's going to be hilarious.

It's going to be rolling.

If there's enough requests for it, I'll replay it.

I'll replay it as I listen to it.

I'll listen to it.

I'm sure.

Yeah.

I'm sure if you throw that out there on the table.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, in the chat room, if you're all listening, let me know.

If you want that, I'll do that for you.

We'll do a repeat of the first hour of the Madhouse.

I'll probably end.

In that case, I'll end at midnight because I'm actually really tired, to be honest with you.

I've had a little, not much sleep this week.

um and i'm to be honest with you i'm drinking i'm on my fourth beer right now and it's actually

kind of dozing me you know what i mean like when you're tired yeah yeah i should not have drunk

it hits you click yeah it does it does so i'll be good for another hour um how's the weather been

up here anyway i haven't heard nothing since i've been out off the air for so long well y'all getting

a dose of the weather we've been having like rain like crap dude yeah we had a lot of rain over the

weekend last weekend um this week it's just overcast and it's down into the high 80s which

which for us is, oh, my God, it's going to be fall soon.

You know what I mean?

It's kind of like everybody feels, you know what I mean?

It's starting to cool down.

It's not, because we normally get 96 with, like, 100% humidity.

It's insanely hot and steamy outside, like a sauna.

The humidity is just about gone right now, except it kind of rains

and it's still around, but, you know, it's not horrible steamy outside.

In about a month from now, we'll be very comfortable weather,

comfortable weather to open up your windows every night.

I love having my windows open in my car.

it's going to be great because you know what i held out my ac in my car cocked out in june when

when the high was like 98 with the heat index with the humidity it felt like 100 105 dude 105 degrees

and i would literally dude i would wake up in the morning take a shower this is at 7 30 a.m that i

that i would be in my car to go to work and by the time i got to work i was drenched my back was

was drenched i only live eight minutes away from work okay it is it was that horrible and i'm an

ac addict my apartment is always around it's like 70 degrees in here or lower usually so it's i it

took me a lot of adjustment to get used to it yeah then if you want to find out what the temperature

is the weather is because i see he's got that script i'll do it right i can do it i am in

And Orlando, which is the 32817 area code.

Yeah, I work at Florida Power, dude.

And I was working boilers in the fans.

And I'd get inside them son of a bitches.

And they would do this thing called squeezing,

where they'd pump hot water up through the boiler tubes

and cause all the ash and stuff to fall off.

You'd get inside that freaking boiler, man.

It would be 90-some degrees outside.

It would be 106 when you walked in.

And in full denim coveralls, you had to have a positive air-breathing mask on, hard hat, gloves, you know, boots.

I mean, Jesus.

I mean, you would sweat off literally eight pounds, man, in a shift.

Wow, really?

Damn it.

It was crazy, dude.

I got a friend at work who works with the Marines.

He said the hottest place that he went to was Japan.

He said he was stationed in Japan, and he said that place was so insanely uncomfortable in the summer.

he said because it was just so humid like in the desert in iraq it's hot but there's no humidity

it's a dry heat it's not the same um in japan it's it's about that hot just under it but it is

it's insanely humid because they're like a little strips of islands in the middle of like

the warm waters of the pacific it is insanely hot in the summer there he told me that they

dress head to toe and white everything is covered everything except for the face

And white

And that's what

Is comfortable to them

Whatever

That's what the Japanese do

He's got some crazy stories

About Japan

Who was he at?

Was he at Yokosuka or where?

He was Marines

I forget

I don't know

I don't know what base it is

Atsugi?

I'm not sure

There's two, right?

Probably the naval base

I assume

I can't remember the name

Off the top of my head

Yeah

Atsugi probably

Yeah

So chat room

They're all playing with

Weather

The dead weather thing

Dang, I think he turned it off, though.

I don't like it when he does that.

He's been having that.

It's kind of fun to play with.

Remember the other day, I was in there.

I think you were gone.

He's got the script.

Well, if you want to do it right now in the chat room, I think he turned it off,

but you hit an exclamation point, weather, space, and then a zip code or a city and state.

It'll give you the weather there.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I guess he's got a script that does that.

And the coolest thing, I was doing it, I was getting, what was I getting?

damn it

I was

I got like

Afghanistan

Iraq

Beirut

stuff like that

it was kind of cool

it's like

it's actually getting

kind of cool

watch I'll show you

I'm going to do

Afghanistan

it works by area codes

or by longitude and latitude

area codes

zip codes was working

and then

zip codes

and then

state

like city slash state

or city slash town

country

so I can do

some of them didn't work

like

I think I got

Iraq to work

let me see

I'm doing Kabul

Afghanistan

watch

Yeah, it's 48 degrees Fahrenheit right now in Kabul.

That's nice, man.

That's like, you would think it'd be hot in Afghanistan, right?

No, man, Afghanistan's got a lot of mountains and shit, dude.

I guess that one Kabul.

They got that one valley that runs right up the middle, dude,

where all of them rushes and everybody got wiped out.

And there's, like, no white men being ever seen hardly up in there ever.

It's just so far remote and surrounded by mountains

where all that good kush is growing at, baby.

Oh, yeah, kush, man.

I've had kush once.

I've had Kush once.

All I've got to say is wow.

Oh, my God, dude.

Right?

That's the shit.

Yeah, that is the shit, man.

Purple hair.

Yeah, so my dealer, my weed dealer got, get this,

my weed dealer starts hooking up with his stepmother who's, like,

five years older than him but about 20 years younger than him.

You mean, like, hooking up with her?

Hooking up, yeah.

Oh, man.

Oh, my God.

And his dad finds out, and they're getting divorced, so he brings up in court, yeah, he's a dealer, so he's got to stop selling.

Oh, God.

And he's in financial shit right now, too, so he can't even buy a product, apparently, because his dad skipped out.

They own a house together.

The dad just left the house, and he was like, fuck it, you take it.

You know what I mean?

He just moved out on his own.

So they were both on the deed.

They owned the house.

They bought it together recently to sell it again in a few years,

which is a stupid idea because the real estate market is about to crash, I'm predicting.

By this time next year, the real estate market will have crashed, especially here in Orlando.

Houses are so fucking overpriced.

It's insane because Athena and I are actually trying to get a house together to move out in February,

and it's insane what they're asking for houses up here for what they are.

and and you know they're gonna win is not nuts anyway yeah exactly and if you just moved a little

bit out of town and could stand and drive you'd get phenomenally low prices right exactly yeah i

lived on i lived on the lake for 150 a month all utilities paid ac day and night uh i had a i had

a boat i had uh everything was supplied cleaning supplies dishwasher uh you name it man a washing

machine everything 150 a month the uh real quick uh lonesome is sending me numbers to

uh places in puerto rico that's just reminiscing i wish i could i haven't been to puerto rico since

like three christmases ago man i used to go every year um the day after school got out i would be on

a plane to my family in puerto rico and i will come back the like maybe a day or two before school

started again so my like a third of the year of my life when i grew up was in puerto rico so i

I consider myself that I was raised there, I guess.

I say, you know, I was mostly raised here in Orlando, but that for me, that was, I mean,

that was there in the best time.

Yeah, I was there in the best time, in the summer, man.

We could go to the beach, and I have tons, I'm an only child, but I have tons and tons

of cousins, and it used to be a riot.

Oh, yeah, man.

Yeah.

Right on.

So, yes, if anybody was wondering, I am, despite what my bio says, and I'm a Cuban son of

what, I don't know what the hell it is.

I don't know, it was funny as shit, I read it.

Yeah, I'm Puerto Rican and Italian, actually, mostly Puerto Rican.

I have some Italian in me.

I was born in Orlando, Florida, but I was partly raised in Puerto Rico, like I said,

three months out of the 12 every year up until I was 18, I was in Puerto Rico with my family.

So I consider I was raised in both places.

I am American, as all Puerto Ricans are, of course.

Milkman, you can attest to that.

You're in the Virgin Islands.

You're in the territories.

Oh, yeah, man.

I love it, dude.

Dude, I love my expatriation status, dude.

Yeah, exactly.

You know, I could never be a Yankee again if I ever had a choice.

You know, you should move to Key West, man.

Key West is a lot like the Caribbean.

It's more...

Or it's Hurricane City, man.

That's the reason why I was going to retire and get a house there in Central Florida, man.

I mean, I could get some hell-ish deals outside of Ocala, man.

Like, great, wild deals.

Ocala's a little remote, but it's nice.

A lot of horse racing.

Yeah, man, but anywhere in through there, you wouldn't believe what you can get land and houses for.

A lot of old people pass away, and you can just get some knock-down debt deals.

Yeah, man, the city I grew up in, the old people passed away, and then the properties, the houses went up for rent,

and people from New York came down and ruined it.

I don't want to disrespect New York, but they went up to New York, the city.

They sent some company up to New York and offered $300,000 for you to buy a house in the city I grew up in in Florida

florida and to get you moved down and everything i think it's like it's like 250 000 so it's like

enough to buy the house and get yourself set up and everything so who's who lives who lives in

the ghetto in new york or wherever like brooklyn or queens or whatever i don't know i'm not

educating new york who's gonna live up there get an offer to come down to florida you don't have

to shovel snow anymore you know get yourself out of the hood and they're gonna give you 250 000

to do what the fuck are you gonna do you're gonna get a move right you're gonna move so

So now it's like new New York now.

It's where the fuck it is now, man.

Yeah.

It's bullshit.

You need to check Zolar's IM.

He sent me a file, and I have it, and I started getting on a tangent.

There's some kind of song that somebody asked me to play, and I don't have it.

I got it.

No, I got it.

I got it.

I was going to play, but then I started talking about bullshit.

I didn't know if that's something we wanted to mess with, or we wanted to start doing a few more calls,

or exactly what you wanted to do with that.

Let's play it real quick.

I was just kind of sitting back on it.

Hang on.

I'm playing it right now, actually.

I forgot to.

Hey, I just checked.

I think you've got it right.

It's named Lane Staley.

All right.

That was a guy from Allison James.

Fatty Fatboy, you're a stupid guy, you're a chubby, wubby, wuffy, big, moly, poley, apple-loving, motherless, puppy, cake, gum, sugar, boobie, oopie, keep up my fatty guy, you're my puppy, cake, gum, chubby, little asshole, puppy, cake, chubby, wubby, wuffy,

modulation that is insane man yeah that was funny so i guess frank was in the background

talking what was it what how did that happen is that off his show or something i have no idea

where it come from he just said uh um play a song a song i wrote the music and edit it for him

zolar sent it to me and sidekick chug yeah uh he says yeah it's uh he wrote the music and edited

That's very catchy.

That was really cool.

Zolar says you need to check his IM.

He keeps sending me.

Oh, he's sending me an IM.

Hang on.

You know, I got so many windows open now that I wouldn't.

I know you do.

Hang on.

Okay, starting from the live Zolar.

It's short.

Play it if I want.

The guy did the guitar himself.

That would be Sidekick Chuck.

Yeah, yeah.

So definitely Zolar gives props to Sidekick Chuck for his help on that.

You're my coffee cake on the drop.

is that zolar singing that's all our singing though right that's not zolar singing who's

that singing though i don't know i probably that dude sidekick i guess that's not zolar's voice

no i think that's zolar's voice singing man are you sure i haven't heard it really good so

it sounds like it is i don't know maybe it's pretty it's pretty twisted man

Man, this thing here is going crazy with the weather shit, man.

Oh, yeah?

I can't believe it is still having the buttons punched.

I figure sooner or later somebody's going to start raising some hell over that.

Yeah, well, he turned it off last night.

Last night, I was having fun with it.

Everybody was in there just throwing cities up and shit.

Oh, cool.

Cairo, it's 70 degrees.

Fahrenheit.

Columbus, Ohio, where Reclude is, is 61 degrees.

um bald bald knob arkansas 61 degrees fahrenheit see that's that's what i wanted to be here right

now man i can't wait but i can't get over them and it's only 48 degrees in afghanistan that's

insane i wonder how hot it is in baghdad someone do baghdad iraq in there please just one person

not everybody do baghdad but not here man yeah the first person who does baghdad iraq in the

chat room gets a prize you're gonna love the prize i assure you there's no prize but seriously i'll

I'll give you a shout-out in a year.

I'll do that for you, and you'll earn my respect.

And I'll send you one Carlito dollar, which will be good for the soon-to-come Carlito store.

No, I'm just kidding.

Wouldn't that be awesome if I had the Carlito store?

That would be so cool.

Yeah, well, KDK has shirts, but I think that's a company where you can actually –

you just send them a logo, and they'll make a shirt for you.

They've got places here that'll do that.

Like, shit, you can get those little can holders, you know, huggies and hats, all kinds of stuff.

Right, right.

Well, hey, we need to stop bullshitting, because I said I was going to end the show in about 37 minutes from now,

and I'm going to call it the show, probably.

Beep, beep, beep.

Yeah.

Probably the phone didn't ring.

Yeah.

You turned it off, didn't you?

No, no, I didn't.

Well, the toll-free line for everybody is on.

I've got to tell Prankmaster, he keeps sending me these messages,

and I'm about to break it to him that you ended up going back on the air.

Okay.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Well, he's what now?

He stopped trying to call in, though.

I was afraid to talk to him.

Well, what the hell, dude?

You know what?

And actually, Psycho Chuck is confirming that was Zolar singing on his show last night while talking to Prankmaster.

That's funny.

So he was actually trying to send to Prankmaster.

Zolar must come on late because I stayed up for a while waiting for Zolar.

Well, shit, I ripped a good part of the night.

I'll have to just look back and see.

Yeah, I don't know.

I think I heard part of it.

I was kind of messed up last night, too.

I was, and I was so pissed off.

I was fighting with the computer.

Yeah.

Well, actually, I talked to you, remember?

I'm sorry.

Yes, you did.

Yes, you were having computer trouble.

Amazingly enough, XP Restore worked.

I told you it does, man.

The only time in my whole damn life that I ever needed it to work,

and I never thought it would, and I pushed a button, and it worked.

I about fell over, dude.

Oh, shit, dude.

It's craziness.

That's wild.

That has been the most worthless piece of shit for me ever, man.

And I don't know, you know, I've tried so many times to do a restore when I've had a problem, nothing.

So I use Norton GoBack normally.

I haven't installed GoBack yet, you know, and like I said, everything just went crazy.

You know what I figured out part of the problem was it wasn't just the Microsoft updates.

I got a different keyboard, and it has drivers for it, right?

And when I put them drivers in, it just made the system go whack.

Wow.

I even downloaded them from the site.

Yeah, well, hey, it's 69 degrees in Baghdad, Iraq.

You've got to love that, huh?

That goes out to all our boys and girls, our men and women in Iraq fighting there.

I may not agree with the war.

It's probably just causes, but I support the troops.

Milkman, you support the troops, don't you?

You were in the Army yourself.

You were an Army Ranger, right?

Yeah, yeah, I was, man.

That's where I first got into cow milking.

And by the way, people were asking about what happened to my hand, okay?

Well, last week during this computer outage, I was trying to get the milking machine adjusted,

and the thing went haywire, man, and got stuck on my fingers.

So the milking machine tore hell out of my fingers.

I see.

You got your hands.

You did not lose fingers, but you did have extensive trauma to three of your fingers.

Well, there was a lot of trauma.

But, see, my fingers will automatically regenerate, you know, vegetatively regenerate.

So anything that was snipped off will grow back like a tail on a chameleon, you know.

Oh, wow.

Same thing.

That's crazy.

Well, glad to know you're okay.

Thank you very much for that news update.

I appreciate everybody.

Everybody's good.

Everybody.

You should have heard everybody, man.

Goddamn, that was loud.

You should have.

I'd have nothing.

or nothing. All I had was just

the stuff I ripped.

Nasty. Alright, look, we gotta

do a call. That's enough. Enough talking for now.

Enough talking for now.

Baghdad, Chance of Mushroom Cloud. Very good.

It's a lot. Very good.

I like that one. That was kind of funny.

Must be

nice to have Muslim friends in the chat room.

DTT and I don't know who else.

Definitely, man. There's a big

bullshit cloud over that in Washington

right about now.

Oh man, isn't Bush a dumbass? You know he

He blinked 24 times after a question.

I saw the interview, man, with Matt Lauer.

They asked Bush.

Bush is out there in Louisiana at 6.45 a.m., and I'm up doing my things here.

I've got my HDTV on, and I've got the Today Show on HD is what I usually do,

and drinking coffee, using the laptop.

I'm watching Bush get interviewed, and Matt Lauer asks him,

do you think it's fair that the American people have to pay for the war in Iraq?

and the Iraqi people aren't sharing any financial burden for it

while the victims of Hurricane Katrina are being offered loans

that they're going to have to pay back within 10 years.

And they can't also file bankruptcy anymore.

Yeah, and Bush started to talk, had a three-second pause,

blanked his eyes 24 times, I think, in a scope of three minutes total.

Total.

And he just said, I'd rather not talk about that right now.

He came off as such and such.

I have it on my DVR.

It's recorded.

Oh, God.

Save that clip, man.

I'd love to have that one.

Yeah.

I'm going to keep it on there.

I have stuff on there since January, man, like episodes of shows.

Hell, yeah.

Burn it off into an MPEG or something.

Yeah.

Well, I'm going to learn to, I'm going to have to buy a TV capture card sometime soon.

Okay, yeah.

If you've got a way to get it in your PC, you can just convert to like an MP4.

Well, I've already learned how.

Now, I've found a website that talks about this specific box.

I have like a, some, it actually records stuff in HD, dude.

Like, I can record TV shows in high def.

I can, yeah, 22 hours worth of high def I can record, or 80 hours of regular TV.

Wow.

Yeah.

I have a half peg TV card.

I just plug it in my USB port, and it's got a tuner built into it.

And, you know, it just automatically starts playing whatever I'm watching on TV.

plus it's got an s-video input so whatever i put on my s-video you know my camera or whatever and

right you know i i have a camera i keep out in the actually in in the stables there to watch

the cows to make sure that you know nobody's going in there and bother them at night so

hey let me ask you real quick get in there sometimes all right we're gonna do a prank

call but before i do that um mark uh mark says mark guitar that's jupe isn't it i think i believe

that's jupe i got he sent me a file of he sent me a file of him playing let me play that real

real quick for him

because he's still

in the chat room.

I believe this is,

he said this is him.

What the hell is this?

That's pretty Casio, dude.

Yeah, that was kind of funny,

but I can't,

that's a long file.

I can't figure out that.

Who is this?

That would be definitely

a Frank Master.

He'd love that one.

Yeah, well,

that was some more guitar

in the chat room.

Cool.

Thank you.

I'll give you

some props for that.

Yeah.

He asked me to play

that for him

and I am the police.

I definitely am the police.

You did a good job,

Yeah, well, thanks.

Okay, who am I going to call?

Athena is the one that told me that.

Oh, yeah?

She told you about that?

Yeah, she knows.

She knows what's up.

Calls (2, 2 min of 52 min)

Transcript

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