2006-01-24 Show

I can't hear you.

Am I going in clear?

You're very clear.

I'm down from 10.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

I'm down.

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

I'm kidding.

It's okay.

You sound good.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 7, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Okay, okay.

You sound perfect.

Now, what's going to happen?

Milkman is out getting phone cards, right?

And he's got to get a prescription.

So, we'll connect directly.

Now, when he gets back, then we're going to send you a conference call to join, okay?

Dude, I might not be here.

All right, well, stay on as long as you can.

Just let me know when you got to go.

So, at least have somebody with me when I start, okay?

Okay.

All right, just put yourself on me.

Don't talk until you hear me start the show, okay?

We're going to start, like, in five minutes, okay?

All right, yeah.

Okay, man, I'll be right back.

Bye-bye.

Put your motherfucking headphones up.

Are they up?

Out.

Even louder than this.

Quietly.

Bitches, this is Rick Drain.

that's right bitch the real rick jane yes rick jane bitch the baddest motherfuckers you've ever

seen and one of the best motherfuckers and the best singers the mixtape that is enjoy yourself

celebration today is thursday the god to god which one

my friend this could be the best thing that ever happened

those who believe life here began out there across the universe tribes of humans who may

have been the forefathers of the egyptians baltecs or the mayans they may have been the

architects of the great pyramids lost civilizations of lemuria or atlantis some believe that there

may yet be brothers of man who even now fight to survive somewhere beyond the heavens there

will be no order only chaos that being said grab a blunt take a big hit sit back and enjoy the ride

It's an exclusive of PCU Radio and MadHouseLive.com.

drug real from real real chris i take this today first of all um when you shut the hell once you

shut the hell up fuck you the baby is only a little crazy like painters or composers or

or some of those men in washington

you son of a bitch you motherfucking you are i'm not speaking you speak you speak english i say

you motherfucking you motherfucking go ahead mother bitch motherfucking you you bitch don't

never punch in the mouth all my lord why are you so angry what's my squad

we're so high right now

We're not home.

on the west coast and you're listening to an impromptu special edition of madhouse radio

i'm your host carlito and uh i guess for at least a few hours today i'll be uh trying to

do an experiment here with the daytime prank calls now normally we're on thursday evenings

at 8 p.m 10 p.m eastern uh here on pc where you're listening uh to prank calls 24 7 we have

live shows in the evening and normally during the day we have rotation but i thought i'd jump on

and see what kind of response I get

by doing an earlier show than normal.

So here we are.

And that's going to repeat accordingly

because I forgot to turn off the repeat.

There we go.

A little Bob Marley for everybody.

Yeah, and I guess via satellite I have,

I should have in line,

one of our regulars here at PCU in the evenings,

I have none other than DaDead.

DaDead, are you there with us?

No response from DaDead.

DaDead, I command you to speak now.

We've lost DaDead, apparently.

Well, that sucks.

Try to call him again here.

Regardless, like I said,

So you're listening to the Madhouse.

Now, we do live prank calls here on a weekly basis,

and you can catch live prank calls every night just about, let's say, six nights a week here on PCU.

And we'll be doing that right now.

So if you have any numbers that you would like me to prank call anybody,

let's say if there are a co-worker who might be at work right now,

if you have a business that you hate, if you have somebody you know who's at home.

Your call has been answered by an automated message.

Anyway, yeah, if you have a number you want me to call, it's free of charge,

and now is your chance to join in and participate in what goes on here on a daily basis.

You can reach me via AOL Instant Messenger at Madhouse Radio.

Again, that's Madhouse Radio if you happen to be able to use AOL Instant Messenger.

If you're using Yahoo Instant Messenger, you can reach me at Madhouse PCU Radio.

That's Madhouse PCU Radio.

MadHouseRadio, and if you're using MSN Messenger, MadHousePCURadio at Hotmail.com.

Now, I know a lot of you might be at work.

That's the assumption here.

What we think is that our daytime crowd is at work and our nighttime crowd is at home.

So if you're at work and you can't use a messenger, but you have a number that you want me to call or a prank that you'd like me to do, why not email it to me?

You can email me at MadHouseRadio at gmail.com.

That's madhouseradio at gmail.com.

Let's see if I can get our guest here on the line one more time.

If not, then we're going to move on.

Regardless, you want to be sure to head on over to madhouselive.com.

That is the homepage for this show you're listening to now.

The Madhouse.

That's madhouselive.com.

You also want to visit the homepage for PCU Radio.

Now, there are two homepages at this point.

The primary page is kdkprankcalls.com.

That's KDK as in kill, death, kill.

KDKprankcalls.com.

You can go there to download the best of the calls that you hear on a daily basis on a rotation.

There are a ton of calls there.

There are also a lot of sound boards that you can use for your own amusement

or to terrorize people on the phone yourself

and become an amateur underground prank caller such as us.

Also, a new page, a new sister site to KDK Prank Calls

that just debuted within the last few days is fartsteam.com.

That's fartsteam.com.

And I believe that's primarily just soundboards up there.

But regardless, give all three of those sites a try.

To recap, madhouselive.com for the Madhouse.

For the station, PCU Radio, you want to head over to kdkprankcalls.com.

And you want to visit fartsteam.com if you'd like to see our brand new sister site,

which is just rolling out in beta version.

In the meantime, I'm in the process of getting some numbers here from some of the people out there.

And again, if you're on AOL Instant Messenger, that's Madhouse Radio.

Also, if you are able to join us in chat, if you have a Java client that's working, at kdkprankcalls.com, click on the chat icon on the top left area of the page.

And you'll be able to reach our chat room where you can talk to people who are listening to the show right now.

There's some regulars in there right now.

Now, the chair room is kind of slow right now, but it is daytime.

We usually fill up there around 8, 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

In the meantime, look at this.

I've got a request here for a prank already from a gentleman who wants me to prank his wife.

She's at home.

Well, yeah, sure, I can prank it, but give me the number, bro.

Here's the format.

Now, what you want to do, you want to give me a first and last name.

You want to at least give me the city and state that they live in, a street preferably,

in case they ask where I'm calling from.

I can say down the street, whatever.

uh but you want to try like i said to get me a first and last name the phone number of course

you as much if possible try to call to make sure that person is still home and uh give me a little

background information how old they are what i do for a living what do you think they're doing right

now um do they have a problem with vo um are they an asshole do they owe you money something like

that whatever your general idea for the prank is uh so uh gentlemen uh over at uh i don't know

know if I should give it out. Mr. Rogers. Let's call him Mr. Rogers from now on, maybe

not. Mr. Worthington. Mr. Worthington, by all means, please email me back with the phone

number for your wife and we'll give her a call. And if you have an idea of what you

want me to tell her, I can do that. Give me something to work with and most definitely

we'll get it done. In the meantime, let me see if I have any numbers coming in. Yes,

I do, actually. I've got a good friend, Reclude, who works in music studios on a

a daily basis, has given me some numbers here, two numbers actually, got a gentleman in a

band that sucks, and he looks like Santa Claus, but there we go, there's something to work

with right there, I got his number here ready to go, and we also have a number to a musical

studio, some guy who's a cocksucker, apparently, and I'm sorry for cursing, I don't love you

at work, so I'll try to keep the cursing to a minimum as much as possible, to avoid

you guys getting into any trouble at work, so yeah, let's give a call, can I call Canada,

Yeah, I can call Canada, by the way.

If you have a number in Canada, if you're listening from Canada,

yeah, I'm pretty sure we can do that.

You can't call in, but you can.

Anyway, yeah, I forgot to say that if you want to call in live here and be on the air,

it is a toll-free call from home, from yourself, or from work.

It is a toll-free call, no cost to you.

The number is 1-888-278-8509.

Again, you can reach us at 1-888-278-8509.

It's a free call, and it's on our dime.

That's 1-888-278-8509.

And I'll keep trying to give that out as much as possible.

And I'll stay on as long as there's people listening.

I'm trying to see how many people I can get to listen at this time of day

and spread the word that we actually do have a community here in the evenings

where we do pranks live at night.

Be sure to catch that when you're at home or if you work late or something.

Okay, moving right along.

Let's go ahead and start the first call of the night.

The day.

See, I'm so used to doing shit at night.

I keep saying that.

I keep saying night, and it is indeed daytime.

DaDead, are you there?

DaDead, speak up.

I'm here.

Hey, what's up, DaDead?

How you doing, man?

Hey, what's up?

Not bad, not bad.

Good to hear you.

Get some more words to fucking up, man.

Yeah, well, that's all right.

Firstly, when we need to work out here,

we got to try to keep the cursing to a minimum, I would say, until 8 p.m.

What do you think about that?

Maybe 7.

Well, there's people at work right now on the West Coast, and they might be listening in their cubicle, and if they're trying to listen, and they hear us saying, you know, fuck shit, damn.

You know what I mean?

I don't want people to get in trouble and can't listen and everything like that.

Okay.

And, dude.

Yeah, what's up, man?

You know what?

I have a funny story.

Well, hell, why don't you tell us your funny story?

I went in, no, it's not a story, but it's something I do.

Okay.

You know, I went into class, right?

Right, you went, okay.

Started the classes and shit.

Right.

I can't even talk in front of the people, but I could talk on the radio in front of 70 people or something.

Okay, well, yeah, so you did fine speaking in public, but you have trouble speaking now.

Is that what it is, or is it the other way around?

I'm sorry.

I wasn't paying attention.

Yeah, I can't speak in public, but I could speak on the radio and shit.

Okay.

Okay, gotcha.

Well, yeah, what you got to do in the future is just imagine that you're, you know, that you're, you know, calling in or something like that.

You know what I mean?

I don't know.

I just can't do it.

Okay, well, guess what?

Hey, man, check this out.

I hate to interrupt you, but over at the show email, that's madhouseradio at gmail.com.

Madhouseradio at gmail.com.

I've already got two emails, man.

I've got three.

I've got three numbers here that I've received from people who want me to prank call.

And these are brand new people.

I've never seen these people before, so this is good.

Good news, man.

Yeah, you got new people in.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, this is great.

Now, here's the first thing.

Like I said before, we got a lady named Tracy who's at home right now.

She's working at a daycare, and the kids are stressing the hell out of her.

So we definitely have to give that a call.

We also have someone who wants us to call his wife about buying Girl Scout cookies from the troop.

I guess she's probably like a Girl Scout master, I'm guessing, something like that.

So we can run with that.

Do you like Girl Scout cookies at all?

I do.

I like the mint ones.

The mint, right?

That's like the only one that's...

That's always like the most sold one, I think.

What else?

Every year they bring...

That's the only best one, the tin clips.

Yeah.

Oh, man, those minty ones are good.

I know they come in that green box.

I get two boxes.

The first one, I eat it right when I get it, and the second one, you know, I spread

it out as much as I can.

But I can go through a whole box of those Girl Scout cookie minty chocolate ones.

Yeah, the tin mints.

Tin, yeah, exactly.

That's good stuff.

So what should we do?

We can call one of these new numbers, or we can call one of Reclute's two numbers he's got here.

Call the daycare.

Let's call the daycare.

Let's do that.

Now, you want to take that?

Actually, no.

I'd have to call you or something like that in order to get that done.

We could do that, though, man.

That would have been cool if I, you know, called her for my sexy tablets or something.

Well, we'll put you on for the cookies or something.

But let's call Tracy at the daycare.

What do you say?

You're freaking skipping, man.

I'm skipping?

Well, you sound great, so I don't know.

This must be your connection, but just ignore it.

We'll be cool.

We'll work it out.

Okay, folks, we're going to be right back with the first prank call of the afternoon,

of the evening, whatever the hell you want to call it.

It's 5 o'clock.

This is a gray area.

But let's call Tracy.

We'll be right back after this.

It's 521 p.m. Eastern, 221 on the West Coast.

We'll be right back after this.

395 minutes

I need a minute, dude

No, Mike, that's a better deal

It's a good deal

It's a good racket

Hello, may I speak to Tracy, please?

This is

Hey, Tracy, how you doing?

Look, I'm calling from the homeowners association here in Albany

Okay

My name is Tito Valente

And we got a lot of complaints that you have too many kids

Talking over there, loud kids and stuff

And the kids outside in the underwear and everything

Playing in the water and the sprinkler

I don't know what the big deal is

but can you possibly try to be a better parent or something like that?

Could you tell me that again?

Okay, we got a problem.

We got a complaint that you got kids over there where you're at right now, you know,

and they're being loud, they're throwing stuff,

and then they had this sign like a car wash outside,

and then the old lady come and get a car wash.

No, no, no, I babysit babies.

They're not having no car wash outside.

Well, it was the babies or something.

There's too much noise over there, they said, and there's a complaint.

You say you got a daycare there in Albany that they're making too much noise.

and stuff, you know, and don't, don't, you know, my problem is my wife, she has the other

daycare in town, and she's got it out for you, she wants to put you out of business,

man.

Why?

Because, she don't like competition, she don't like, she wants to be the monopoly.

Well, I'm not competing against anybody.

Oh, she's competing against you, she's been talking to your parents and everything, and

she's gonna, she's gonna undercut you by 20%, you know?

Okay.

Okay, so what, you're gonna lose your business, so what, you wanna work with us, huh?

Work with you how?

Well, you come babysit for us, you know?

You want me to come babysit for you?

We're going to buy your company.

We're going to make you an offer.

Well, make us an offer.

We'll give it to you, you know?

Do you want to take over all the kids that I babysit?

Yeah, we pay you $10.50 an hour plus benefits, you know?

$10.50 an hour plus benefits?

Yeah, we got a 401K and everything, you know, all that good stuff, Tracy.

Why don't you come, you know, bring us all your accounts, you know,

and, you know, we'll work it out.

You want to put me out of business by taking over my account,

so you're asking me to give you my account so you can take over my business.

Yeah, but we make...

It sounds like you guys need business.

No, the thing is, we keep you on the payroll, man.

10, 15 hours plus benefits, man.

But do you realize that I make more than that?

Well, how much you make?

That's why I say make an offer, woman, you know.

Oh, you want me to make an offer?

Yeah, make an offer.

Give me 20 bucks an hour.

20 bucks?

Oh, come on, 20 bucks an hour.

come on you know you know you know you know normally normally i i've been doing this for

seven years so what and normally um i've been doing between listen i rate i rake in by myself

between three and four grand a month uh-huh okay so 20 child care i've been doing it for seven

years okay okay you got a resume we can see i mean we for all i know you're lying you know

oh i'm not oh you're the one that called me i didn't call you oh what remember well what your

I want you to know that my business is very good, very strong.

Matter of fact, I go pretty much word of mouth because it's so good.

Okay.

So you come here, we pay you $20 an hour, and no benefits, though.

You'll pay me $20 an hour plus full benefits, 401K.

No, no, no.

If you want $20 an hour, no benefits, because you don't have benefits now.

You're trying to be sneaky.

No, I have benefits.

I have benefits through my husband.

So you keep your benefits through your husband.

What are we going to give you benefits for?

That's what he's working for, you know?

Well, hey, you're the one who said it.

Well, you think your husband is, like, some great, great, great man or something?

No, no, no, you're, listen, listen, I'm just going off what you're saying, okay?

Okay, so.

I'm being nice here, okay?

Okay, well, look.

I'm just, I'm just, I'm working with you here, okay?

Okay, so.

I mean, I just, this phone call has just kind of got me kind of floored, I guess you could say, okay?

It got you kind of floored?

Yeah, because I'm not used to having somebody call me up and saying they want to buy my business.

Well, you know, if you're on the floor, who's taking care of the babies, man?

No, no, no.

No, you're not understanding.

It's English that I'm speaking here.

You don't understand what I'm saying.

Oh, why?

I don't speak English?

Is that what you're saying?

Because my name is...

No, no, listen.

Oh, here we go.

No, it's my English.

Listen.

Oh, I see.

Listen to what I said.

I said, I am floored to hear about somebody calling and wanting to buy my business.

Now, do you understand what I just said?

I understand you said you're racist.

It kind of dumbfounds me.

I'm kind of shocked, okay?

I don't speak English.

That's more like it.

I don't speak English.

I guess I'm here speaking Chinese.

Ching chong, ching chong.

Listen to me.

I don't know, but I hear you out.

You're being nice and graceful.

I'm not trying to be God.

You're for real or not.

Now you're God.

Well, I'm God.

You make me laugh, okay?

And I'm not saying you're a big joke.

You just make me laugh.

I'm just shocked.

Nobody has ever called me in the seven years that I've been doing child care and saying,

hey, my wife is competitioning you, and we want to buy your business, okay?

It makes me laugh, okay?

I'm sorry.

Have you heard of our business?

We're Monopoly Day Care.

No, I've never heard of your business.

What is your business?

Monopoly Daycare.

Monopoly Daycare?

Yes.

I think I might.

Where are you guys located?

We're in Albany, down, uh, down, Maine, something.

Downtown.

East side of town.

I might have heard of you.

Uh-huh.

Well, how old are you?

How did you hear about me?

Um, I don't, uh, this, this black lady came in and said that you did a good job, that

we should, you know, try to, you know, make you an offer.

Why, thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you for telling me this.

Thank you, okay?

Right, right.

Um, you know, I don't know.

No, I'm not on this offer, though.

Okay, well, tell you what.

Let me give you a call Friday.

How's that?

Oh, maybe, I don't know, maybe Thursday, something, you know.

Give me a call.

I'll be here.

Okay, and then we'll see what we do.

And I'll think about your offer, okay?

Okay, let your husband know that I call and, you know, make an offer,

make the, and then call your lawyer and everything,

and then I call it back later in the week, you know, we talk.

Okay, baby?

Okay.

Okay, well, you have a good day, baby.

You too.

All right, mwah.

Bye.

Wow.

Wow. See, what do you think? Isn't that much better than doing prank calls at night?

Wasn't that a lot? Right off the bat, that's a great call. That was a great call. I had a great time with it.

What's up with the skipping?

Well, no. As long as you hear me skipping, then that's okay, because I hear you perfect. So let's not change things then.

Anyway, so unfortunately, Milkman isn't here right now. I guess he's filling a prescription.

Milkman is normally my producer and my co-host, but he's not available now.

He's actually out buying some phone cards for our shows.

He's the guy that provides them for us.

We're back, everybody.

I'm sorry about that.

We lost our connection to the server, unfortunately.

And you guys lost us.

But we're back, we're back, we're back.

So I don't know how much of what we were talking about you might have caught.

But, yeah, we've got the toll-free line.

I'm activating the toll-free line now.

If you tried to call earlier, I apologize.

It was turned off.

The Dead, you're with me, right?

You're here?

Fuck, everything's skipping again.

Everything's skipping again?

That's got to be you.

You're probably ruining the show, dude.

No, some of it's skipping, but you're not skipping that much anymore.

Try to speak up a little bit.

It's hard to hear you.

You're not skipping that much, but you're just skipping a little bit.

Okay, well, let's hope and pray that nothing messes up again.

Okay.

Yeah, it's a lot better than before, though.

Okay, all right.

It's only a lot sexier and deeper.

Great.

Well, thanks.

Thanks, buddy.

Thanks.

I appreciate that.

Well, the husband for Tracy just let me know that that was a great prank call, and he thanked me.

No problem.

That's what we do here.

Again, if you want to send us an idea or a prank call request, no charge to you.

It's something that we do here as a service to the community.

And that's madhouseradio at gmail.com.

If you'd like to call in toll-free, you can do so.

The toll-free line is now open.

You can reach us at 1-888-278-8509.

That's 1-888-278-8509.

Let's go ahead and move along to the next prank call.

You got something in the IRC.

I've got something.

Yeah, Jill sent me something in the IRC.

The dad, you're sending me something here.

Yeah, I gave I-Repulse the address you sent.

Okay, well, okay.

We got the pizza chef.

Jeff. Tell them I'm calling from

Hamilton, that I'm calling from Kroger's

from the west side of Hamilton, and I would like to

order a large pizza with everything.

Order of cheese bread and a steak hoagie

with everything and two

liters of Mountain Dew, and how much would it be? The phone

number? I gotta hear the number of the

place. It sounds like someone was trying to get me

to order a pizza for them instead of...

I know. Yeah, go, come on,

man. You know, what are you gonna...

Yeah, if you

want to order a pizza, order it

on your own. Holy shit. Whoops.

Yeah. Yeah, that person is a pro-Bush lesbian, right? Supposedly?

Yeah. Well, good. You should. So you should.

Alright, we'll get to that later. We'll get to that later.

I'm going to knock out the email request here that we have.

The next one, if I can remember here, what it was.

Yeah, we got a Tim, is it right? A Tim who sent in a number?

Oh, we got a call from Ohio. Speaking of Ohio, we got a call from Ohio already.

Here's some people.

of uh of time let's say right yeah i'm fucking busy doing drugs for a while that sucks yeah well

at least you got your priority straight there yeah i've done drugs in like i think what is it

a couple days oh okay well that's good holy shit what an old week wow look at you man you you're

half you're half in rehab already you're almost out well don't ruin it now i mean i i don't want

something i'm just not getting it oh yeah me too man i'm just i've been busy yeah me too i've been

busy sitting around and stuff to score any weed yeah the dead's talking in the background about

something anyway dude he's saying do more i don't know what he's talking about dude you want to try

to call one of these two numbers you sent in i guess you got this guy craig and you got this

studio i guess oh hell yes okay which call uh i know because i know they're man

what it is is two douchebags in town right and they just need to be they need to be put in their

place one time maybe slapped around with a dick yeah let me see what i got i got two numbers

I got the studio, and I got the fucking...

Oh, there's a couple.

Actually, you know what?

It's hard to get through to that one at John Schwab piece of shit.

Okay.

Let's call it Music Hall.

I want to fuck with him.

Music Hall.

Is that the studio, or is that the last, the guitar center in Columbus?

Studio.

The studio.

Yeah, it's like the first one I said.

Okay, so if you want to give a bracket,

and this is a music studio where the guy is a jerk or something like that?

Yeah, every time you call up, the guy's like a total asshole for, like, no reason.

Okay, well, screw that.

Yeah, well, everybody I talk to that calls me is fucking cocksuckers.

I just want to fuck with them a little bit.

Good. Let's do it. Let's hit that raw.

All right, folks, we'll be right back.

We've got Reclude on the line.

It's now 539 Eastern, 239 on the West Coast.

We'll be right back with the next prank call of the day.

You're listening to the Madhouse Special Edition on PC Radio.

Yo.

Your balance is $3.85.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

See you there, dude.

All right.

We have 383 minutes.

Musical recording studios in Columbus, Ohio.

Our business hours are between 9 and 5, Monday through Friday.

Please leave your message after the tone.

Thank you.

Aw.

These bastards are gone.

I got a question for you guys.

Why don't you guys upgrade your fucking equipment, you fucking cocksuckers?

Whoever that is answering the phone over there,

I'm about to put a penis right in your fucking nostril, you fucking cocksuckers.

Yeah, you tell them.

You better hope I don't come down and take all your records, dog, and break it over you fucking head, you mother fucker.

They're not going to participate.

Hang on.

Okay.

Well, they weren't there, apparently.

That sucks.

You want to try that guitar center?

Yeah, I know they're open.

All right, let's do that.

We'll be right back, folks.

Now we're going to try the guitar center.

Just one moment.

The Dead Sick.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

No.

No, D-Dead.

Speak up, D-Dead.

They can't hear you.

I'm not getting naked.

You have 380 minutes.

He's burning incense in his rectum again.

I'm not burning incense.

Aw, poor D-Dead.

Macomb Guitar Center.

We buy, sell, and trade used gear.

This is Jay.

Hey, how can I help you?

Yeah, I got a problem.

Uh, I had a little issue with somebody that works down there.

Okay.

Uh, you guys got a guy named Craig.

Craig?

It's some guy, I don't know, that's what he said his name was.

He got a short hair, he got glasses, he's walking around with a little scanner.

Greg?

I don't know what the hell he's saying.

I said Greg, he's got a scanner, that's Greg.

Yeah, he's the opposite.

Can you put him on the phone, please?

Sure, hang tight for just a second.

All right.

You better hurry.

How's the weather over there, reclude?

Ah, cold and pissy.

Nice over here. 76 degrees today.

Up your ass, you fucker.

Hope you fucking like it, eh? You ain't getting no tan, are you?

I already got a tan, man. I was born to one.

Did that speak up? Can't hear ya.

It's fucking windy here. It's windy like a motherfucker here.

Windy? Yeah, that's Chicago.

It's 23.

23 degrees in Illinois?

No, 23 miles per hour.

23, oh, 23 miles per hour.

That's fast.

2.9.

2.9, I would say.

You should buy a kite.

Get that goddamn fuck on the phone.

Yeah, fucking Greg.

He's over there dicking a glory hole.

Greg, what's the earliest you've ever been drunk in a day?

Usually I don't drink so much, but I smoke when I get up.

Yeah, waking up at 7 a.m.

Oh, yeah, hell yeah, man.

24-7 for me.

I'll wake up in the middle of the night, use the bathroom,

toke up, go back to sleep.

Not anymore.

I like to smoke at the weed.

God damn it, where's Greg at?

You like to smoke prankmasters, cocky recluse.

Oh.

Hey, recluse, you like to smoke prankmasters, cockster.

I don't know, dude.

But he likes the prankmasters.

He's not answering his pages.

He may have already left for the day.

Well, I'll tell you what.

Let me, let me, can I leave a complaint?

Well, let me grab a piece of paper here.

All right, sounds good.

Okay, shoot.

Well, all right, my son comes in there.

Me and my son go in there.

And he's trying to pick up a new starter guitar, right?

Right.

And this guy's walking around with his scanner, scanning all this shit, right?

And then basically what happens is my son tries to ask him a question.

He just blows him off like he's nothing.

Okay.

So, you know, I try to confront him and say, what the hell is your problem?

You know what I'm saying?

I mean, you know, he's saying we're just trying to make a purchase.

It's not a big deal.

Sure, sure.

You know, and that guy's a rude asshole.

You know what I'm saying?

I mean, I didn't get time for that.

I still went down to Sam Ash.

I got me one of them Carlo Rebellis.

Right.

So that's what it is.

I mean, that's all there is to it.

I mean, that guy's got his head up his ass.

Okay.

I do apologize for your experience.

If there's any way we can make it right, you let us know, and we'll definitely do it.

I'm going to come down and talk to the manager.

Who's over him?

Over him is Patrick.

He's the store manager.

Patrick is the store manager.

Maybe I'll come there and talk to him.

When's he working next?

I want to talk to him face-to-face.

I don't like to be messing around with the phone stuff.

Sure.

He's actually been off ill for the past couple of days.

I don't know if he's going to be in or not.

Best thing would be just to give a call up in the morning.

We open at 10.

So if you want to call up after that and ask and see if Patrick's here,

he'll be glad to talk to you and try to do what he can to rectify things.

Yeah, because, I mean, you should keep that guy in the back with a warehouse.

You know what I'm saying?

Actually, that's where he's supposed to be.

He's the operations manager, so that's it.

So what is he doing around parading around with that little scanner, you know what I'm saying?

Well, he was doing inventory, I'm sure, so.

That's fine.

I mean, I was about to shove that thing right up his ass for the way he's acting, you know?

I mean, crazy.

Fair enough.

I understand being frustrated about it and being blown off.

That guy's just, you know what I'm saying, but that's fine.

But, you know, we're going to have a talk to that guy.

Fair enough.

Yeah, like I said, talk to Patrick.

He said he'd be like next couple of days, he'd be back in, the manager.

I'd hope to see him tomorrow, because he's been off the past couple of days, though.

Well, I'll give a call.

His last name is Scott, so.

Okay.

His name is Frank Richards.

I'm sorry, what is it?

Frank Richards.

Frank.

I thought you said Hank for a second there.

No, no.

Okay.

Yeah, well, I mean, it might have to stop down there, because, you know, it's.

But I did, like I said, I did purchase down there, down over at Sam Ash.

Mm-hmm.

Had to make a part, because, you know, I wanted to get him started with playing that,

but, you know, I just can't be treated like that.

Oh, absolutely.

You know what I'm saying?

I agree with you.

You know, he just, I mean, just acts like he's not part of it.

He's like, I'm busy, you know, busy scatting.

Yeah, yeah, there's no reason for that.

If he could have done, you know, just give us to somebody.

Sure, I agree with that.

I'll get a hold of him.

Yeah, well, like I said, we will do everything we can to rectify

and, you know, have you come back.

Yeah, that's fine.

Yeah, just keep that guy back in the warehouse where he belongs.

He don't deserve, you don't need to be out with the people, you know.

Sure thing, Frank.

I agree with that.

All right, well, thank you very much.

I'll talk to you later then.

Not a problem.

You have a good night, sir.

All right, bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

All right, well, that was interesting.

Yeah, he's going to, I mean, obviously I can't go in, but.

Hello?

Yeah, we're here.

Sorry.

Yeah, no, no, my phone does that.

I have a, my computer is hooked up to my phone system now.

Well, at least you know what's going on now.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's a bunch of shit.

That was fun.

That guy's going to get fucking bitched out.

He's already getting...

I know, like, what...

I know those guys down there.

Really?

Yeah.

That guy just fucking pissed me off today.

I punked him out today a little bit.

Yeah, so there's a guy like that would be probably full of himself, you know what I mean?

So...

He's just a fucking piece of shit.

He couldn't do a real job, so they gave him a fucking warehouse.

He's, like, standing in the middle of the doorway.

He's fucking scanning.

I asked him to move.

He gives me a fucking attitude.

So I said, you know, it's a fucking walkway.

Yeah, asshole.

Dummy, go scan on the side.

I called him a fucking punk ass or something.

I don't know what I said.

I punked him out, though.

He got pissed.

Well, goddamn it.

You should have, man.

I don't know what I said.

I always punked him out, though.

He ain't fucking nobody.

He's a little fucking cashier.

You take one of those drumsticks, you hit him in the head so hard that it actually breaks it in half.

That's funny, though.

He's going to get fucking bitched out.

That's so funny.

So, Reckless...

It's so corporate down there.

Anything like that happens, they really take it seriously, so...

All right.

Well, Reckless, share with our afternoon audience.

Now, we've gone down five listeners from the time that we started the show, so I'm a little concerned.

It's gone down five listeners.

It's gone down five listeners, yeah, but it stays strong.

I had a lot of positive responses after that first prank call.

A lot of people in the chat room now, though, grew.

Well, that's good.

That's good.

Yeah, we got...

They finished work.

Yeah, they finished work.

That's true.

We probably got to go on earlier.

Like at 3 p.m., that'd be some shit right there, man.

That's great.

Let's do some more...

Let's keep it rolling.

Let's do some more calls here.

Alright, we have a submission from somebody now.

This person, if they were at work, they might have left already, but...

Someone asked us to call...

Let me take a look at that here.

Okay, hang on. I'll get it in a second.

I guess I just lost it.

This comes from Mr. Green,

who wants us to call his wife, Jody, about buying Girl Scout cookies from her troop.

Apparently she's the scoutmaster, I guess.

Yeah.

Were you in the Girl Scouts?

Or Boy Scouts? I mean, I'm sorry.

I wasn't, you fucking...

You were in the Boy Scouts, were you?

Yeah, I was banging them all when I was fucking three.

Hell yeah.

The brownies.

Remember the brownies?

Look, I put on a dress, but then I went in and banged them, fingered them.

Yeah, good.

They were all like six.

Yeah, I got you.

The Boy Scouts is a bunch of shit.

They're all gay anyway, though.

The scout matches are all gay.

We should do like a quasi-pedophile type call.

Oh, Jesus, man.

Like a real disturbing one, like start off normal and then start going, yeah.

I don't know.

Or any way, I could add some pictures with the girls when they...

Because say you want to buy, like, a big amount.

Yeah, it's the dinner hour, though.

Do you really want to push it like that?

I don't know.

Well, hell yeah.

Hell yeah.

Why not?

Fuck it.

Yeah, I mean, you know what I'm saying?

Just say, hey, want to take some pictures with the girls?

Okay, yeah, let's not get too nasty and illegal with it.

But, yeah, start out with the cookies and then gravitate to something dirty.

Whatever.

You're like, whatever, man.

I'll do what I want.

Well, and remember...

We're going to have some fun with this.

Don't worry.

That CC's not listening.

Yeah, well, the thing is, this is this guy's wife.

We don't want to piss him off.

He's one of our new listeners.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

That's right.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, come on to her a little bit, too, though.

You know, push it up.

I like that name, Jodi.

That's J-O-D-I, no E at the end of that name.

Isn't that hot?

You know, do you like that when a girl's got that, just the I?

Yeah, if she's not 500 pounds, I like it.

Yeah, well, we got to ask her.

You can tell them the phone if a woman's 200 pounds.

They got that waddle, you know, that fat.

Yeah, we'll talk to her and say, how many of them cookies you eat there?

Yeah, how many years to put away?

I bet you either stay away from them or you're a big fat heifer.

I bet she's your favorite time of year is when the cookies come in.

She orders half of them.

Yeah.

Her husband hates you more every time they have a cookie sale.

Her trip always gets the special field trip for selling the most cookies.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I don't know how I'm just saying that.

That'd be kind of funny.

Yeah, well, let's move on.

Yeah, let's just fuck with her.

It can't be too bad.

Are you drunk or are you on the shit or anything?

You've been smoking the shit?

No, I haven't had anything for a week.

I just smoked the last of mine.

I'm going to be out for a while, probably, so...

I think tomorrow I'll go get some, maybe.

Yeah, let me know.

We'll go out there together, man, because I'm, you know...

Let me know.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, let's do that, man.

Let's buy an ounce.

Split an ounce, man.

You know what I mean?

Some good shit.

Good idea.

Yeah, let's do it.

All right, we'll talk.

We'll talk, right?

All right.

Hang on.

The dad wants to speak.

The dad, go ahead.

I have the number for...

Hang on.

I can't.

Hang on, Rick, but let me hear the dad real quick, what he's trying to say, hang on.

I got the number for girls, girls from America.

Oh, the BSA, yeah, send me that in the, send me that in AOL.

Yeah, folks, real quick, let's move on, we'll do the next call, we're gonna call this bitch.

Oh, look at that, Lonesome Losers in here, and she's already, he's already confirming numbers for us anyway.

He just got home now.

Hell yeah, man, we got, we got an Effia Honey, who we can call, that's an old lady who just answered her phone.

And we also have Max.

Lonesome does good confirming numbers.

Hell, yeah.

We're in business now, man.

Lonesome Loser in the chat room.

Let me give a shout-out real quick.

He's been confirming numbers in here apparently for three years.

He doesn't call.

He doesn't talk much in the chat room, but he's always there.

He does talk, but he's reserved.

But he just loves.

Dude, if I tell you, it would be really hard for me to do a show without this guy.

For the last three years, he's been dedicated enough to confirm countless and countless numbers.

Phone numbers.

Yeah, absolutely.

So, big shout-out.

Thank you, Lonesome Loser.

One of our more dedicated, more VIP fans here on PCU

And if you're listening to us for the first time in the afternoon

You want to make sure to follow us when you get home

Excuse me

Excuse me, we have a live show just about every night

But anyway, that's enough, we need to get to a call

Yeah, Lonesome Loser has sent in also Maxine Teet

T-E-E-T

That's what Milkman has apparently

That's why they call him the Milkman

He's got teets

That's a redneck guy who answered in Arkansas

Arkansas, in Hot Springs National Park in Arkansas, dude.

So that'll be fun to do.

The Dad is sending me the number for Girl Scouts.

No, you sent me it for the Girl Scouts.

I see the toll-free line for them.

Good deal.

Cool.

We'll have to hit that in a few.

But regardless, let me play a song here.

We'll be right back with the next call of the night.

We're going to call some Girl Scout lady and ask her about her cookies.

Reclude, good luck with that.

You never let us down, dude.

All right.

All right, well, I've got 5.56 p.m. Eastern on the East Coast.

If you're in the West Coast listening to us, it's still 2.56 p.m.

On Tuesday, the 24th of January, we're here live listening to us.

Be sure to visit us at madhouselive.com and kdkprankcalls.com.

We'll be right back with the next call in just one moment.

And 71 cents.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

I'm going to take off because I need to do some shit.

okay then man we'll catch you later thanks to that

that phone number is not reachable

with this call

please enter the number you wish to call

what

that phone number is not reachable with this call

oh come on bitch

pissing me off this woman

you have 371 minutes

hey this is Jody okay Jody

they're in um

yeah Don Imus and I would like to

purchase in multiple amounts

of your girl scout

And I'd just like to say that's a beautiful answer, Machine Master, that you left on your machine.

And if you can give me a call back, so...

Hey, you over there. I hear you there in the background.

I command you to speak. Identify yourself. Damn it.

Hey, you hear them there, Rack? I hear them.

I hear them.

You hear them, too?

I hear... I actually hear the dead in the background.

Look, the dead.

I guess we

guess we missed Jody, unfortunately. Sorry about that, um, Mr. Green.

No, actually, I would've liked to not- that would've been funny.

God, that's- you know, my old-

I'm sorry, that animation fucking kills me.

No, I hate that shit.

I wanna hack that bitch.

Yeah, we should, yeah.

You know what I'm saying? I wanna hack that animation right now.

And then we'll make it something like,

Please save me, Edward. I'm scared of my father.

Mommy says that I'm a dumbass and she beats me. Please call Chelsea.

She makes me speak on the message and she beat me because I kept messing up.

That would be great to hack one of those answer machines.

I know, right? And put some kid on it like that.

Oh, child services, help, please. Call them.

Call 911 for me. My father is beating me.

And she's a bad mother.

No, we can't do that, man.

I have many, many scars.

Yeah.

Yeah, dude.

Well, hey, we've recovered all the listeners we lost, so that's a good sign, huh?

We're keeping the numbers strong.

Do we recover any listeners?

Yeah, we is.

We definitely is, man.

Open the door, please.

Yeah, open the door.

Who is that?

Starlight you talking to back there?

Yeah.

No, because goddamn, never mind.

Yeah.

What, what, she, she's on the rag now?

Yeah, she called me an asshole.

Oh, okay.

That's cool.

So what's up?

How's it been at home, too?

You know, you got a kid or not?

Do you have a kid?

You don't have a kid, do you?

No, we're good.

You're good.

Hey, hold on a second.

Yeah, yeah.

Close the door, fuckers.

Goddamn people begging for money and shit.

Really?

Fuck.

I fucking hate that.

Yeah, yeah, I do hate that.

You know, just because you got a little money, they think they can ask for it, you know.

But you got it.

They're not giving me fucking drugs or something.

Man.

Go away.

Rick, you have your computer, man?

Why don't you join me in the chat room in Gizmo real quick, unless you're busy.

Gizmo?

Yeah, get on Gizmo.

We'll continue the show on there, so I can take another call or something.

Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

Go ahead.

I gotta get the fuck off of here. I gotta eat.

Fucking shit came.

Okay, alright, man. Well, hey, man.

Well, thanks for helping me out.

It was fun, man. I'm out of it.

I'm just... This fucking kills me.

Hey, dude, are you free during the day and shit normally?

Like, around this... Around, like, 4 o'clock, let's say, Eastern?

Something like that?

I don't depend.

Alright, well, dude, in the future, I might do another show.

I might do two of these a week, man.

I like this. I like this feeling.

I should have just started.

Well, yeah, I mean, just let me know beforehand.

Yeah, for sure, for sure.

Alright, right on.

Well, hey, man, thanks a lot.

We'll catch you Thursday night, if not before that, all right, man?

I see those guys' faces when I, like, told them to close the door on those fuckers.

Really?

What, are they giving you shit?

Are you in your house or are you at work?

I'm at work, but it's, like, in a kind of residential neighborhood.

They're like, oh, I wasn't sure if it was you.

I was like, close the door on them fuckers.

Exactly, like, those fuckers.

That's funny.

They're probably like, what the fuck, man?

All right, man.

What do you care?

That's the shit.

Fuck charity.

Yeah, exactly.

Help us to give to charity.

Fuck them anyway.

Yeah. Fuck people, man. I hate that shit.

They have too high overhead.

They have these people in town that they go trying to get people to donate money,

and they have these clipboards.

I want to fucking shove them up their ass.

Oh, okay. It's those people.

They're a bunch of druggies, so I shouldn't have been mean to them.

Oh, like the ex-crack, like the crack rehab people that come to your house and shit?

I'm the kind of hippie kind of people that can't have a real job.

Yeah.

I did it one day, and I fucking walked off the job. I hated it.

Yeah, I got you.

Yeah, yeah. I once found what I thought was going to be a legitimate job, and it turned out to be selling designer imposter cologne and shit in businesses.

Like, I did it for one day, and all we did was go up to office buildings and go inside and try to sell, and we kept getting, like, kicked out and getting security calls on us and being told we couldn't come back.

Oh, my God. I can't believe it. That's, like, illegal.

Dude, well, here in Florida, like, the office I used to work at just lost my job, thank God.

Yeah.

You know, these people will come in all the time.

Like, they come in, and the guy had, like, Game Boy games and shit.

Like, he seriously had Game Boy, and he was like, yo, you want to buy Game Boy games?

And they were so obviously stolen, you know what I mean?

And he was, yeah, and then this one guy was selling paintings,

and we told him to leave and never come back,

and he stole one of the paintings in the building and took it with him.

And then he actually sold it to the people, like, a few buildings down who knew us,

and they recognized the painting, and they brought it back to us and shit.

It was really funny.

That's pretty funny.

He just took it off his ass and said, bitch, this ain't yours.

Yeah, no, he just totally ganked it, man, I swear to God.

He just, like, we told him, don't come back, you come back every month,

we don't want your paintings, they suck, kind of thing.

And he's like, all right, and on his way out, by the door,

it was, like, this painting of this parrot, and he stole it.

And then the CEO, the president of the company's like, man, that cost me $200, man.

You know, he was all pissed off.

And then, like, the next morning, the people from the doctor's office,

like, two blocks down, was like, yeah, we recognize this painting,

and shit we think it's yours, and we're like, yeah, this guy just stole it, so.

How much did he sell it for, did they just take it off him, or?

I don't know, no, no, they seriously, they bought it, I think they, they bought it interested

like, and I think someone there said, oh, that's from them people down two blocks down

or something like that, you know, kind of thing, and, and I guess they called, and they

said, yeah, we're missing the painting, and they said, yeah, well, we think we have your

painting, and they actually came down with it, it was so funny, man, so.

That's pretty funny.

Yeah, all right, man, well, thank you, thank you very much, like I said, I'm sorry I've

I've kept you on long enough.

I hate to bother you.

I know you're a busy man.

No, it's all right.

It's fun sometimes.

We have good times.

But I'll let you go.

That's a good idea, starting shows that early.

That's pretty nice.

We're starting around 3 p.m., I think.

I'll try to do a show maybe Thursday.

You know, Friday would be perfect, right?

People slack on Friday.

You know what I mean?

You know?

Yeah, yeah.

If you're in your office on Friday, you slack.

Well, I have to say goodbye to the dad.

The dad.

He's gone.

He's off.

He's got to feed the cats or something.

Bye-bye, baby.

Bye-bye, baby girl.

There you go.

He'll understand that.

He and only you will understand that.

Oh, that poor dad.

I can't.

I got to stop doing that shit.

All right, man.

All right, peace, man.

We'll catch you later.

Peace, bye.

All right, folks, that was Reclude.

Reclude, as I said before,

he's a friend of here at the Madhouse and at PCU.

He's a regular here in the evenings,

and he used to have a show,

and boy, howdy, I tell you,

he has some great prank calls that he can do

that he's done in the past.

He does some great voices and whatnot.

Yeah, that's Reclude, everybody.

Okay. Yeah, we just got an email in here. I just got an email, rather, because I'm on by myself. My co-host is still out, and the dead had to leave us, and Reclute is just hung up. But his line is open on the toll-free line. That line is now open if you want to reach us at 1-888-278-8509. Again, you can reach us here toll-free, 1-888-278-8509. That's on our dime.

uh toll free to you and uh i don't know super expensive for me so take advantage of it

while i can still afford it uh one of our regulars here mike and t uh on aol where you can reach me

at madhouse radio uh mike and t is giving me a number for some dude named patrick uh i guess

this cat's 18 years old he plays bass in a band has a girlfriend he has long hair um fuck him

him around, tell him I'm calling to say I'm fucking his girlfriend or something, piss

him off, what the fuck is the girlfriend's name, dog, what the fuck is the girlfriend's

name, I can do that, but I need the name of the girlfriend, so Mike and T, if you're listening,

give me the name of that girlfriend and I'll have a perfect idea for a prank call that

I'm sure will make you cream your shorts, sir, yeah, the listeners are steadily going

going down and i'm they're holding i think they're stronger than normal but that's that's cool

anyway um lance is uh rather the guy who had wanted us to try to call his uh no that's somebody

else i had a different one yeah mr green um mr green uh is asking us for trying to call his uh

girlfriend me and reclude or his wife rather um but yeah he tells me here in the chat room

Oh, in the email at madhouseradio at gmail.com.

He's pointing out that thanks for trying.

His friend pointed out the station to him on Monday, and he's been listening ever since.

Well, that's awesome.

Great.

Look at that.

Making friends on the internet, bringing us all together.

It's a beautiful thing, and we can do it with prank calls.

Can you imagine?

It's a great world we live in, ladies and gentlemen.

Let me delete this email here.

Okay.

Well, we're now at 6.09 p.m. Eastern.

I don't know how much gas I have left here.

But, uh, as I said before, if you want to reach us toll-free, uh, one more time, that number is 888-278-8509.

I'm going to go ahead and, uh, hang on.

Uh, yeah, my co-host is back in. He'll be joining us here shortly.

Uh, so that's awesome.

Uh, let's go ahead and...

You can make up a premise or something like that.

I don't know. Well, let's try this number here.

This guy Patrick is 18, is a loser or something, has a girlfriend.

I don't know how I'm going to call about his girlfriend when I don't know the girlfriend's name.

game, but whatever. I've done worse things before. We'll be right back after this, folks,

with the next prank call of the night, of the day. Keep doing that.

You have 368 minutes.

Yeah, hey, what's up? May I speak with Pat, please, Pat?

Who's this?

I need to speak with Patrick, please. My name is Michael.

And you know him from?

I know him back from school.

What school?

My name is Michael James Valente, and I think I need to speak to Pat about his base. We

found it here. We got the number, the call on the back of it.

Well, he's not here. Can I have your number?

Well, you have it there on your caller ID, man.

Please stop playing around with me. We need to return this.

Why are you saying I have a caller ID?

Well, here's what I got.

We got his base here that he left over here at the library.

And it's got his number.

And it says Patrick, and it said rewards.

Which library was that?

The library downtown.

It says $200 reward if found.

And it has his phone number here to call.

This is his base.

So we're calling for the $200.

Or you have 12 hours to come up with the $200.

Or you can kiss your son's face goodbye.

And you don't want to give me your phone number to call you back?

No, you've got to find him now.

I've got to find him now?

Yes.

And this library is which library downtown?

The public library, lady.

Come on.

What's the card on?

What street?

Over there, downtown, woman.

Look, I'm telling you what.

I know how much this...

I know how much...

You know what street you're on?

What's going on with your attitude?

What street were you on?

On Main Church Street.

Main Street.

And Church Street.

Yes, it was on Main Street.

That's right.

Main and Church.

Lady, that's how it is.

Oh, for the love of God.

She hung up.

The ring in the back room was me trying to get my co-host Milkman on the line.

He's not available yet.

So that was kind of cool.

I wish I knew the name of the town so I could have found out on the quick where that was.

Jill in the chat room is telling me that she is not really evil.

She's just a hot lesbian who happens to don't like guys.

Whatever.

So she's a lesbian who doesn't like guys.

I don't know.

if it's legit, but she comes, she's a pro-Bush lesbian, uh, go figure that, ladies and gents,

a pro-Bush lesbian, anyway, uh, we're waiting here patiently for Milkman, uh, to become

available, uh, but that last, uh, call was sent out by Mike and T in the chat room, thank

you very much, um, we'll see if we can follow up at some other date with that number, I'll

keep that in the log, um, okay, of course, we had Reclude on the line earlier with some

Some numbers that he sent in.

Thank you very much, Reclude.

And the dead, who was on earlier, has now left for the evening.

And we're, as I said before, waiting for Milkman to return so we can put him on the air and continue with the show as normal.

Let me head on over to the chatroom and see what's going on.

The dead's agent, who is a very mysterious person.

Excuse me as I drink my water.

The dead's agent, I don't know who this person is, but is a friend of the dead or an enemy of the dead or something.

But constantly he's in there supporting him for some reason.

I don't know who that could be.

Perhaps it is the elusive prank master.

But that's one of the interesting characters that we have in the chatroom along with Jill.

Jill's saying that I should call back and get back on the air with them.

I like the show and I really needed to go.

I'll probably take my walk and go to work though.

I don't know what the hell that means.

Okay, Mike and Dee sent me that number was in Montreal.

Call her back and bitch her out.

Alright, well let's let her stew, Mike and Team.

We'll call her back.

I'll hang on to it don't worry

just keep listening you're always here late anyway

so I'm sure you're going to be up here

it's still at 7 or 8 o'clock

which I don't know how much longer I'll go

we're going to have to take a break here soon

as I need to recharge mentally and meditate

and we'll continue full speed

we'll probably go until

7 or 7.30

if we do good enough I might go until 8 o'clock

who knows man

and I believe for Tuesday night

here on PCU if you're listening

Dr. Lego is going to be on I'm sure

I think that's what the word is

he might start at 8, 9 or 10 o'clock

I'm not sure so we'll try to give you as much

live content

for as long as possible

and yeah we'll move on from there

now for the time being I'm going to go ahead and take a break

and when I

come back I've got some numbers here from

Lonesome Loser in the chat room we've got

on top of Mr. Teat

Redneck Guy we also have

an Audrey Prude

include a Paul Dork and a John and Scott Freak, who are confirmed.

So we're going to try to knock some of those out of the water here,

just messing with some people here as early as possible.

And, yeah, so please hang on.

We're going to be back.

This is going to be a short break as I recharge here, get my host on the line,

and we'll see if we can bring you guys some more prank calls, okay?

It is now 6.17 Eastern on the East Coast, 3.17 p.m. Eastern

if you're on the West Coast.

You are listening to a special edition Madhouse.

You can catch us at kdkprankcalls.com.

Again, that's K-D-K as in kill, death, kill.

K-D-K prankcalls.com.

And you can also visit the webpage for the show you're listening to,

The Madhouse, with me, Carlito.

That's madhouselive.com.

Madhouselive.com.

Well, shit.

I was going to take a break, but we got our first caller already.

Hang on, everybody.

Let's call this back.

Let's talk to this bastard here.

Nevada House?

Hey, Milkman.

What's up?

Hey, what's happening, man?

Not much.

How you doing there?

All right.

I just got back.

I had to go get my medication that you have ready.

Did you get yourself some bananas?

Turn that down in the background, man.

What's wrong with you?

I'm trying to, man.

I just wanted to call you and let you know that my hardware is turning in, so I can't

even turn the volume down right now.

Thank you.

So, take me another couple minutes, so I'll be ready.

I can go ahead and send you a card if you need it.

I'm okay, yeah, send it to me

We'll save it, for now

I'm going to go take a quick break

So you can get ready and get on

In the meantime, I'm also going to play

The brand new, I guess

Outro slash promo for the show

Oh, fantastic

That's going to be great

If this is the first time you're listening to the Madhouse

Or to one of the live shows, it'll give you a taste

Of what we do here on the nightly basis

It's kind of like a best of

Of the more recent

Well, the older calls that we've done here on the show

since the beginning of july

and uh... is what was some of the more argumentative funnier moments with the

people of color i'd say right

i would just like to know what the confrontational call the company

you know how you handle more than that exactly

but they're funny exactly well uh... folks in the other people are you meant

to do anything exactly so it's kind of a let's go to the trailer for the man

house or someone to call it

uh... so we'll be right back with that out folks it's like i said it's six

nineteen over at that point

Hey, I got a message here from a recluse in the tower, and he said Prankmasters got the hurts.

Okay.

Well, that's true.

That's true.

We'll talk about that later.

Hang on.

We'll catch you later.

All right, bye.

That's Milkman, everybody.

Like I said, we're going to take a quick break.

We'll be right back with more show and more live calls.

Please bear with me.

Give me about five minutes, and we'll be right back, okay?

We'll catch you soon.

You're listening to The Madhouse live on PC radio, kdkprankcalls.com,

and MadHouseLive.com

MadHouse, right after this.

I got your dirty laundry over here.

Dude, who is it?

Hold on.

On my face.

I want to have you know.

Don't get in my house.

I'm talking about one person right here, and that person's in the room.

Can't stay in your car.

You like listening to me on the phone?

Yeah.

Calling me from black number.

I ain't no black number.

What you need to do is hang up.

Hey, I heard you all conversation.

Don't make me call the police.

What call the police then?

Yeah, you know what's up.

Yeah, I got you.

I'll blackmail you.

I'm so scared.

I heard the ass of a brother.

What's the problem now?

Dry turkey, you bitch.

You didn't hear, boy.

You dry turkey motherfucker.

Who you, who, who you talking to, son?

What do you need?

Man, you just show me a place where I'm about to go whoop some motherfuckers ass

because I don't even know who the fuck you talking about.

How much you going to charge you guys?

Take somebody over here to the taxi cab.

Man, this ain't no motherfucking taxi cab.

You come fucking picking somebody up, I'm going to whoop your goddamn ass.

I kick your ass, you son of a bitch, you and your goddamn mother.

What?

Your mother.

You motherfucking nigger, how you like that, you piece of shit?

I love your fucking name, you fucking bitch.

You nigger, motherfucker.

It's higher than that, man.

Really?

Man, I'm a motherfucking bitch that tried the goddamn phone.

It's the white man that don't want to hear from no goddamn niggers calling me in the fucking middle of the night.

Listen, listen, boy.

Listen, boy.

I'll show you a boy in a 12-gauge shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen, cracker.

I'm going to add three letters.

Listen here, cracker.

You got that, honky?

I'll show you some fucking three-letter, motherfucker.

I'll see you here.

Are you Michael Frazier?

Man, this ain't Michael Frazier, man.

This is most of the white men.

Look, let me just ask you real quick.

First of all, why don't you shut the hell up?

You fucking penis!

Fuck you, you stupid bitch.

Please, Andrew.

How you doing, man?

I'm staying in Honolulu.

How's the date?

Know what I'm saying?

Chicken.

Tahiti Street.

To the K, yo.

Peace.

Yo, just put a wing in your pocket

and run it up to me?

Yeah, but I'm only one over here.

I cannot drop a chicken on you.

We would give you a couple hundred dollars, though.

Even though, guys.

Are you ready?

I wish I was the governor.

Just pretend I'm sitting on you, okay?

No problem?

Okay.

I don't got to go.

Ah!

God!

Yeah.

Oh, I got to go.

Please do wash your hands.

Yeah.

There's some kind of light you have

where you have to do this stuff.

This is a very interesting radio you have.

very interesting radio thing if you have that you know because like that's um shows me that

you have like nothing going no i got plenty this is what we do man i do this all the time i get

lots of what you do like you know what i mean talk stupid yeah yeah really huh people actually

listen to this shit people everybody looks at shit man oh hey not everybody because anybody

with a half a brain that i know don't listen anyway half a brain would listen to this show

instead of eating your shitty ass pizza how old are you 13 yeah fucking right you sound like

you're fucking 18 or 19 i'm 13 i said yeah right yes i was born 13 years ago last friday

i'm hanging up and you better not call okay do you have stripes in your underwear do i have what

stripes in your underwear you are a sick fuck come on let me talk to your sister man be a pal

no have you ever seen your sister naked no

For more Madhouse, right after this.

Hey, fuck you, man!

I sound very quiet.

There we go, better.

Yeah, like I was saying, hey, hello, everybody.

I only lost two listeners during that break, so that's good.

A lot of you kept listening.

But as Dedede was pointing out, apparently a lot of you leave after work, so...

If I ever do an afternoon show like this again, which I might do, maybe Friday.

I should definitely do it earlier in the day.

Excuse me.

me uh yeah but for the time being we're back on the madhouse uh live early edition of the show

um excuse me it is now uh 6 28 p.m eastern that's 3 28 p.m p.m on the west coast if you're listening

to us from work or home there um and this is pcu prank call underground radio um the best source

for uh prank calls on the internet uh hands down uh we do have evening shows if you're listening

for the first time

that you can catch

I'd say

six or seven days

a week

every evening

starting around

nine, ten o'clock

be sure to visit

kdkprankcalls.com

and get a full

schedule

of what our shows are

although that is

a very tentative

and very loose

schedule

because sometimes

shows

get replaced

by another

something like that

so anyway

like I said

just be here at night

and I'm sure

you'll hear something funny

even if it's just

more prank calls

that are recorded

recorded um in the meantime heading into the chat room i've got uh quite a few uh submissions now if

you'd like to call in toll free you can reach us at 1-888-278-8509 again you can reach us here

toll free 1-888-278-8509 you know yeah that's right yeah uh another uh of our hosts here who

who does the Sunday night, 9 p.m. Eastern show,

is Sean Ward.

And he'll be here at my place, in my studio,

starting late Thursday.

So I might not be able to do a show Friday afternoon at 3 p.m. Eastern,

unless he's in on it.

And it will only be a short show, because probably not, no.

So never mind.

Perhaps later in the day or something like that.

But anyway, speaking of the chat room here,

I've got numbers coming in for the House of Poon Chinese Restaurant.

I've got the Loser's Deli.

The Delicatessen in Ohio.

We also have Loser's Music Store in Pennsylvania.

We have Loser's Bar and Grill in Peoria, Illinois.

So we have plenty of content to work with right now.

As well as a number sent in by Jill, our resident supposed conservative lesbian in the chat room.

And we have a number that we called already once for Mike and T, some crazy lady who we spoke to earlier.

earlier, the mother of some kid named Patrick, and that was

fun. Uh, hey now, I

am on now live.

Just talking to someone offline here. Sorry about that, folks.

Um, yep. So, let's

go ahead and continue on and press

with the show. We're gonna call Lonesome Loser

Numbers now. Lonesome Losers, as I said before, is

our, our, uh, connoisseur

uh, expert, uh, phone

uh, phone number, uh, confirmer

here on the Madhouse and at PCU.

And let's call

the House of Poon Chinese

Restaurant in Rochester.

new york we'll be right back with that i'm breathing so much into the mic i'm sorry folks

uh we'll be right back in just a moment with that it's now 6 30 6 31 p.m eastern and you're listening

to the madhouse 365 ow hit my tongue hello is this the house of poon okay you guys over there

monroe right okay i need to get some food please second please so i'd like to order um off your

lunch menu if that's still possible hello sir hello Carlito knows he's not there and um I could

get that not spicy he'll be right back house of poon Chinese restaurant in Rochester New York

any second now I'd like that with uh as little sauce as possible uh can you read that back to

me I never got your order sir um I've been giving you this huge order for the last three minutes

now well you didn't copy it down no I took in hold on one second please I got oh my god I've

I've been talking for like three, four minutes now.

We have a church full of people.

Okay, well, just whatever I say, just get that for me.

Do you think it's enough to feed 32?

Huh?

Do you think it's enough to feed 32, my order?

I don't know your order at all, sir.

Okay, well, we're going to be in there soon.

Do you have enough sitting room, or should we just take it for takeout?

How many people do you have?

Sir, I just gave you orders for 32 different people.

It took me like three or four minutes to do that.

Hold on one second. I got a customer.

I heard you saying back, okay.

Who is this?

I work at House of Fools.

Let me talk to the manager, please.

Hold on.

Jesus. I can't believe this.

Un-fucking-believable.

I sat there and gave them my order.

Hello?

Yes.

Ma'am, I'm here. I have a party of 32.

And I sat there and I gave that gentleman the order.

And he said, go ahead.

And I kept giving him the order.

And he gave me a total along the way and everything.

And I spoke for four minutes and he didn't even write it down.

Uh, hold on one second.

Does he speak English?

Uh, hold on. I guess he was busy. I just got back from him.

Go ahead. What would you like?

Well, I'm not going to repeat that order again.

He's got it written down there somewhere.

I don't know if he lost it, but I'm not about to speak for another four minutes

and give you this other order.

I mean, can you just make it happen, please?

We just need a lot of rice and stuff.

Hello?

I guess, yes.

Okay. So what's the total?

Can you give me the total, please?

Well, if you can repeat the order.

I don't have the order here.

I already gave it to him, though.

He has it.

Ask him for the total.

He did not write it down.

I'm sorry.

How did he not write it down?

I gave it to him.

Can you ask him, please?

Hold on.

Can you just have a meeting there on the floor with all the employees and figure out what happened?

Thank you.

Something's done right, folks.

Always ask for a manager before you get your food.

Because you know they're not going to do anything to your food.

Hello?

Yes, ma'am.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

You know, I really hope that you don't take this to heart and you're going to do something to my food before I eat it.

No, he did not write it down.

Did he do something to the food?

Let me tell you a story

This one time

I was watching 2020

And they got mad at this person

Because they called back

To change the order

And they took the mop

And they wrung it out

On top of the rice

And then they gave it to him

Like that

And he got sick

And he got flesh eating bacteria

And he lost his leg

Well we've been here 19 years

You know

But nothing like that

Happened there

No

Do you wash your hands

After you go pee pee caca

You know what

I don't know why

Why are you getting to that, though?

Well, no, I need to know.

When the person who makes the food there, when he goes to the bathroom to go number one or number two,

especially number two, are they supposed to wash their hands?

Yes, there is a sign they are supposed to do that.

But do they do it?

Are you sure?

Yes.

Do you have random checks?

You know what?

I don't know why you're getting into that.

If you want to give me the order, fine.

If you don't, that's okay.

Well, these children are really, these are elderly people, they're like children, and they have very sensitive systems, excuse me, I'm hungry, they have very sensitive systems, so if you can assure me that it's sanitary there, everything's clean, and that, you know, the chefs are washing their hands, after they go to the bathroom, or they masturbate,

reputation, we won't be around for so long,

okay? So you're

definitely a reputable

place, right? Yes. Okay,

so what's your lunch special?

What's your lunch special right now?

The lunch special? We don't have any lunch specials right now.

Of course you do. It's not night

yet. It's 6.30.

Okay, lunch ends at

3 o'clock. I don't know if you call 6.30

at lunch. But these people, they don't wake up

until like, you know, until 12 p.m.

Where do they live? California?

No. Yeah, what's different? Well, yeah,

Yeah, we're here in Rochester on vacation.

We were bringing them all the way up through Manhattan,

and they're accustomed to, you know, so I think...

I'm sorry, we're in Rochester, New York.

We're not in Manhattan, so...

Well, I think it's only...

I think you're calling the wrong place.

No, listen, we're in Rochester for the night.

We're going to New York tomorrow, to Manhattan tomorrow on the bus.

Okay.

You see, but we're staying the night.

It's already late, you know.

It's their lunchtime, and they don't like to, you know,

They like to play their bingo in the evening, afternoon, so they're done for the day.

So tomorrow we'll make it to Manhattan in the morning.

But for now, it's time for lunch, so I think it's fair enough as a reputable place for 19 years.

And you can't recommend it to me by the mayor of Rochester.

So I don't know if he eats there or what, but he said this is the place,

and he said that you guys would take care of it.

So there it is.

Well, I don't know the mayor of Rochester at all. Sorry.

Do you even know who the mayor of Rochester is?

I mean, seriously, I mean, are you even a citizen of Rochester?

You know what, I don't know where you're getting at.

If you want an order, just give an order.

If not, that's okay.

Okay, well, what is it?

You have no lunch special at all, so I see that you're racist about the age.

You're ageist, right?

You know what, if you want to sue me, that's fine.

Do whatever you want.

Okay, well, take the order.

Are you ready?

Go ahead.

I need 32 orders of white fried rice.

Okay.

White fried rice.

White rice?

White fried rice.

Okay.

Is it white rice or fried rice?

I have here white fried rice.

Like you would fry the rice, but white.

No color.

Okay.

Can you do that?

Because they can't have the color, but they can sure have the fry.

Okay.

Is that possible?

Can we do that?

Yes.

Okay.

We need six orders of soft-boiled egg rolls.

We don't have some broiled egg rolls. All we have is fried, deep fried.

Deep fry?

Uh-huh.

What kind of oil is that?

Soybean.

Do you know who Robert Duffy is, seriously? He's the mayor, and he said we could call here.

I don't know. You're going to have to answer to him.

Okay, that's fine.

Okay, all right. So how many egg rolls can you make?

How many would you like?

I don't know. We had 32 of them, I guess.

32 of them? That's fine. But it's not broiled. It's going to be deep fried.

Can you just boil them for these people?

They can't really, you know.

Uh, no.

Listening live to the Madhouse.

Tuesday, 6.43 p.m. Eastern.

Okay.

So, yeah, and that should be the whole order there.

Can you read that back to me, please?

So, 32 of the steamed fried rice and six egg rolls.

I want to make sure that's steamed fried.

You're going to steam the rice first, and then it's going to be fried.

Right.

In olive oil?

Do you want anything in there?

Do you want vegetables?

Do you want pork?

No, no, no.

Just the vegetables.

Just...

No, no.

No vegetables.

No.

Just the seaweeds?

I don't want vegetables.

Right.

And six egg rolls, did you say?

Yeah.

That's good.

Six egg rolls.

Okay.

Yeah.

How are your buns?

Do you have buns there?

You know what?

Let me give you a number to call.

It's 424-4000.

How are your buns?

We have plenty.

Who's that?

We don't have...

It's called the Shanghai.

They have plenty there.

So if you want to call 424-4000, they will give you plenty.

Who is that?

at the shanghai very good you even know the number by heart who's shanghai what's that

they have plenty of funds there so they're plenty of sponsor what are you saying can you put the

lady who speaks english back on please ma'am okay fine just ignore me well you do sound hot

very hot okay i don't know where that ended up ended up going but that was a house of poon

restaurant in rochester new york um that went okay i guess i don't know normally this is the

the time where i'd ask milkman milkman how to go milkman would be like hey man that was great i

loved it something like that that's how milkman usually do but i guess he's not available right

now but we do wait for him to return uh there we go great nothing is going on in the chat room at

all but if you want to join it you can uh go to kdkprankcalls.com click on the chat icon um also

Also, as I said earlier in the show, FartSteam.com is the sister site for PCU.

FartSteam.com, I believe what's going on there is sound boards.

I think it's primarily sound boards right now.

I don't know if that's the angle that the guy who runs the station, KDK,

whose show is on Saturday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern as well as Wednesday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

He'll be on tomorrow night for Psychobabble, and then Saturday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern for The Lunatic Fringe, the staple show of PCU.

Also, Friday nights, you can hear Zolar, Zolar from The Howard Stern Show.

I believe he's going to be on this week.

Zolar from The Howard Stern Show, he has a show here every Friday night at 10 p.m. Eastern, preceded by Dr. Lego at 8 p.m. Eastern, Dr. Lego's Mental Discrepancies.

Speaking of Dr. Lego, he's expected to go on tonight at some time following after I go off the air here pretty soon.

Dr. Lego will be doing a show, I don't know if it starts at 8 or 9 or 10 or what, Eastern Standard Time rather,

but be sure to listen tonight, and I'm sure you'll hear a live show, and I expect it to be very good.

Other than that, I don't see we've gotten any new submissions in the email bag.

If you do want to email a submission, you can reach me at madhouseradio at gmail.com.

That's madhouseradio at gmail.com.

If you'd like to call in toll-free, you can do so at 888-278-8509.

Again, toll-free nationwide in the United States, that's 888-278-8509.

It's a free call, and it's on our dime.

And look at this.

We're already, what, an hour and 46 minutes into the show, and still no Milkman yet.

Milkman, you faggot.

What the hell?

Anyway, so that was the House of Poon Chinese restaurant we just called.

Thank you, Lonesome Loser.

Let's call one more of his numbers here before we move on.

We're going to try to call this angry lady who Mike had us call earlier.

We'll try to wrap it up with her.

I've got the Loser's Music Store, the Loser's Bar and Grill, or the Loser's Delicatessen.

Let's see.

Loser's Delicatessen.

Let's give that a call and see how it goes.

Okay, 646, no, 647, p.m. Eastern, 3.47 p.m. on the West Coast.

You're listening to PC Radio.

I'll be right back with a new live prank call in just one moment.

347 minutes.

Hello.

Hey, how you doing there?

Hello, is this the Delicatessen?

I'm looking for the Loser's Delicatessen, please.

Uh, have you got the wrong number?

Who am I calling then, fucker?

FACT 1

244

MINUTES

What are you saying, man?

Dude, all right, brother, what are you saying?

Let's talk good with the brother.

Let's hear it, man.

Brother.

Okay, well, let's see if we can get up there.

That's all.

Billy Bob.

Hey, man, how you doing?

This is beer Billy Bob.

Hey, man, I need some grub.

What kind of grub you guys got over there?

What do you recommend?

Who's that?

My name is Frank.

Trying to see what kind of grub you got on there.

I'm thinking about coming in, getting out the house.

Your name is what?

My name is Fred.

Fred.

Fred?

Yes.

Call me some, Fred.

I'm actually out of town.

I'm in a hotel right here in Greenland, man, and I'm from New York, and I'm kind of wasted,

and I thought I'd get myself another beer, maybe some fries or something like that.

You got anything fried over there, man?

Dude, it'd totally be so cool.

Are you for real?

What kind of fried food do you guys have there?

What kind of fries do we have?

You got anything fried?

Huh?

You got anything fried over there?

Fried?

Yeah, fried.

You know, you take the oil, hot oil, you throw something in there, man.

Well, you got any French fries?

Hello?

Damn you.

You thought we was fried.

I guess.

My mind's fried, that's for sure.

I'll tell you what, I was hungry.

Listen to it, man.

Yeah.

It gets you hungry listening to it.

Catch it with them chips.

French fries right now myself.

There, I come out of that voice.

What the hell is going on with the kind of service they've got over there?

Cheese and pork.

Yeah, I've called two people.

Just because I'm a stoner means they can't serve me.

Yeah, then House of Poulin, I gave them an order twice.

Jeez.

I had to give them my order twice.

What kind of service is this shit?

High people like to eat.

Are they stupid?

You guys are the best customers.

Exactly.

Well, hey, we have another email.

I don't know if you were out, dude, but let me tell you what.

When I went on early, I went on like two hours ago, starting at 5 Eastern, you know.

Oh, well, let's see.

Okay.

Here's what I'm going to explain so everybody or you can understand, all right?

I had to go and get some more medication today, and I had to go to the drugstore, and I ordered it, and I got there, and then it made me wait.

So I waited and got that, and then I bought some cards, and I came back home.

Well, on my way home, I met a Rasta woman that has some healing oils.

A Rasta woman?

Wait a minute.

I'm sorry.

A Rasta woman who has healing oils?

Yes.

Are you serious?

And I'm actually looking for healing oils, and I got healing oils from her.

She gave me some body oil that's got eucalyptus oil in it, and it cleared me up a little bit.

Oh, come on.

So you're telling me, is she a Jamaican lady?

Yeah, she's a Jamaican.

Like an old lady?

Well, yeah, but she's probably a little bit older than me.

She had gray hair, real long locks.

She had cowrie shells.

She had red, white, and green and black on.

She had the hair wrapped up.

She was real nice, but she actually came from Trinidad.

From Trinidad, okay.

That's a Muslim country.

Yeah.

Well, it used to be a Spanish colony, and it's down south right next to South America.

Yeah, well, Trinidad, there's a lot of Muslims there, aren't there?

Okay, well, there's a lot of Chinese and a lot of Spanish there.

Chinese?

Chinese colony.

on it. You're serious? Fucking Chinese in

Trinidad? They're coming up through there, man.

They're already in Trinidad. America's

next, man. They're all over Canada, too.

Dude, they're there, and there's

Indian people. People from

East India. Real Indians.

Not West Indians.

East Indians.

Are you doing that?

Like that?

Yes. Well, that's great.

Yeah, that guy.

So, no, no, no, no, no.

What kind of healing oils did you get?

What, eucalyptus shit?

She give me, okay, I'm looking for the kind that you can take internally, okay?

Because one of my good friends in the chat, I trust him about one that you can take internally, but they don't have it.

So, I got the kind that you can rub on your body.

Hang on, hang on, I gotta take a call.

Your body, you know, and it's aromatics.

Hang on.

Hello, I'm unable to answer your call right now.

Please leave your name, number, and a message at the tone.

Hello?

Is that the old lady?

Yeah, that was her. I was going to put her on.

She said she's going to call right back.

She doesn't know I'm on.

She probably didn't even know you're on.

Maybe we can bring her into the show for a minute.

Yeah, I want to see what she's been up to.

She'll give you some love notes.

Yeah, exactly.

I'll give you some love notes on the air.

Hello?

Hey, how you doing?

I'm good. How are you?

I'm good. Guess what?

What?

I'm on the air right now.

Okay.

I went on a little earlier tonight.

You know, people would like to know,

what have you been up to?

How was your day today?

My day was really interesting.

Uh-huh.

We started training with the Greenpeace organizing group.

And did they teach you the media stuff today, the media relations yet?

I'm really interested in hearing about this.

I'm sorry?

I'm interested about hearing what they tell you about media relations and stuff like that.

We have not begun that yet.

Today we started learning how to work it and build a campaign.

A campaign?

Okay, I got you.

I got you.

Okay, okay.

That's cool.

Do they stress peaceful stuff?

Do they stress that, like nonviolent?

Yeah, it's peaceful, non-direct action.

Non-direct action?

Non-violent.

Okay.

All right, yeah.

Well, that's cool.

That's cool.

Well, I'm not going to be on much longer.

You want me to give you a call when I get off of here?

Absolutely.

Okay.

Well, I love you.

I miss you.

I love you, and I miss you, too, and I will talk to you later.

Have a good show.

Say hi to Milkman.

He's on right now.

Hi, Larry, Milkman.

I love you, Athena.

How you doing, baby?

I miss you.

He misses you also.

I miss him, too.

She misses you, too.

All right, great.

All right, Athena.

Thank you for calling in.

Yeah, thank you.

You're a lot better.

Okay.

All right, baby, I will talk to you later in a little bit, okay?

Okey-dokey.

Okay, love you.

Love you, too.

Bye.

Yay, that was Athena, everybody.

That's my girlfriend.

You lucky bastard.

You're a lucky bastard.

She is such a darling.

Yeah, she is.

She's a sweetheart.

I love her very much.

Because, you know, another girl or something would be like,

oh, I can't believe you're on right now.

You can't talk to me.

She totally understands, so that's awesome.

Yeah, buddy.

So what do you want to do?

You're doing this instead of talking to me.

Hang that shit up and talk to me now, buddy.

Yeah, she's the only girl that I've ever met that would not do that.

So that's really cool.

So, hey, you want me to try?

She's got a sense of humor, dude.

She's always nice.

Yeah.

Huh?

What?

Is someone else just calling her now?

We got a call from Canada.

Oh, jeez.

Yeah, hello.

Oh, jeez.

Hello?

I don't know.

Maybe it's Sean.

Good evening.

You're in the madhouse.

Put me on the air.

Hey, what's up, Mr. Sean Ward?

How you doing, man?

Put me on the air.

Oh, good. You're definitely in the house.

You're definitely in the house.

What's going on, my friend?

So my voice is going out to the whole world.

Yeah, it is. The whole world, you know, everybody, people at work, people at home, everybody.

People in China and shit.

Yeah, a lot of Chinese.

Tell me real quick, am I true that the Chinese are taking over Canada?

Am I true that the Chinese are taking over Canada?

Like, there's a lot of Chinese up there.

The Chinese are not taking over Canada.

What's happening is that we had a huge, huge, huge influx of immigrants from Hong Kong

right before China took it back over.

The Chinese continue to move here in large numbers,

but they also move here in equally large numbers from, like, the Pakistan, India,

sort of that part of the world.

Wow.

And we also still get a lot of immigrants from Jamaica and the Caribbean and that part of the world.

What you're probably thinking of, you probably heard somewhere and you're thinking of,

is the fact that it's sometime in the next couple of years where there's actually going to be more immigrants

or people of color than there are white people in the country.

I think that's what you're thinking of.

Wow. Well, that's it. It's going to be a bigger melting pot than America, actually.

Well, it already is. And I mean, the whole thing of Canada,

you go to America to become American, and in Canada you go to Canada to do your thing

and be whatever it is that you're going to be.

Yeah, that says a lot, and you got a point, though.

That's how things are now, man.

Like, you go over to College Street, and it's not, you know,

those dudes, those old men sitting in front of the restaurants,

they're not Italian-Canadians.

Those dudes are Italians, you know what I mean?

Right.

Yeah, okay, I got you, I got you, yeah.

They don't have to change their name.

Where'd you go in there?

They're Italian-American.

Italian-American, sure.

Well, technically in Canada, it's still America, but nonetheless, yeah,

and you know what I saw yesterday?

I saw that they're digging up sand that's like half oil, half sand,

somewhere in Vancouver.

and it's going to change, like, the total economy of Canada and all this stuff you're saying.

I was like, wow.

I didn't hear nothing about that.

Yeah, yeah.

All that shale oil.

Shale oil.

Shale's got natural gas.

I've got to go get in on that.

Exactly, yeah, man.

You've got to get yourself a job.

A legitimate job.

Yeah, I'll give myself a job digging up sand.

There you go.

Hey, that's what I used to do.

I have a job, and it's a fine job.

I'm sure.

I'm sure you do.

So we're going to see you here on Thursday night, eh?

That's what's going on.

Thursday night, I'm going to be live and direct in Orlando, Florida,

Florida coming to the whole world on Carlitos Madhouse on PCU Prank Call Underground Radio.

Exactly.

So you'll be flying in Thursday.

We'll meet up, and we'll be going to the FX show after that, right?

All weekend, pretty much.

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

That's going to be cool.

I'm getting your ass in for free.

Hell, yeah.

Well, I appreciate that, man.

I appreciate that.

It's going to be awesome.

We're going to have a great time.

I always go to that show, and I've never missed it since its inception.

And how long ago was it incepted?

I want to say five years now, if not more, I think.

I'm trying to think.

That's a lot of years.

I think this is the sixth one that they've done, yeah.

So it's a cool show.

I'm sure you'll like it, you know.

I'm sure it's going to be a great time.

Well, that's it.

I'm going.

That's it.

That's all I need to hear.

I'm sold.

I'm going.

You're sold.

You got my approval, so there you go.

Awesome, man.

That's right.

All right.

You want to do a call?

So, yeah, there's a lot of people.

I hope I'm making a lot of money at this fucking thing.

Yeah?

Okay.

That's good.

Am I allowed to swear on this show?

Yeah, hell yeah, man.

There's no restrictions.

Yeah, we're past St. Harbor.

It's 7 p.m. Eastern, so it's now past the dinner hour, I say.

Unless you're some kind of lazy parent that doesn't cook dinner for your kids

until 7, 8 o'clock at night like my parents used to.

That's why I'm fat now.

Metabolism is all that stuff.

I'm sorry.

Were we about to ask me?

I was about to ask you if you want to do a call before you let us go here.

We've got a pretty good crowd listening.

Sure, yeah, let's do a quick call, because I've got to bounce up out of here, but we'll do a call.

Okay, all right, let's see who we're going to get you with.

I've got a Paul Dork.

Do you want to call a business?

I've got Loser's Music Store in Pennsylvania here, actually.

Oh, that sounds good.

All right, or the Loser's Bar and Gooder.

Okay, let's do the Loser's Music Store.

Hang on, dude, we'll put you on the line here.

Everybody, hang on, we've got Sean Ward is about to do a prank call for us.

This is now 7.02 p.m. Eastern, 4.03 p.m. on the West Coast.

You're listening to The Madhouse, special edition.

Say, man, I don't give a fuck about the feds, DEA, JTF,

task force, jump out boys, and the local media.

Hey, in the Madhouse.

Yes!

Here's Music Store.

Losers Music Store?

Yep, 11 on PA.

Thank you for calling Losers Music Store.

All those were raised by whores.

Yeah, there we go.

Now I got you.

I'm sorry about that.

Yeah, I won't take up your time.

Would have been nice to give the little kids a preview of what to expect on Thursday,

but they know what's coming.

Yeah, they can figure it out.

These are bright people to listen to this station.

Yeah, so be sure to be here Thursday night and everything, everybody.

We'll do our thing.

And, yeah, Sean, you can even do a show Sunday night if you're not tired.

You can do a show from here if you wanted to.

But then again, you might be tired.

Well, we'll see how we feel, right?

We'll see what's going on.

We might be too busy fucking taking in the party scene of Orlando or some shit, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, bagging hoes and stuff.

We don't even know.

Yeah, exactly.

You get Sean.

Maybe the last night of the convention we'll meet some girls that want to take us back to their fucking, you know, abode.

Yeah, exactly.

You know, while the cat's away, the mice will play, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, she is away, so we will play.

All right.

All right, dog.

Well, have a good trip down.

Take care.

So, yeah, let these kids get ready.

Those kids got to get ready for this fucking monumental historic event.

It's like, imagine if they were actually going to make a Batman and Superman movie together.

That's how monumental this is.

Exactly.

It is.

You can't get any better than this.

We'll see.

Thursday night is going to be great.

All right, man.

Well, like I said, have a good trip down.

It's a new mile from the mark.

You too.

I'll be talking to you probably tomorrow.

As soon as I know what I need to find out from that guy about the flight, you'll be

hearing from me.

Okay.

No problem.

I look forward to talking to you.

We'll talk to you probably tomorrow.

All right, man.

Well, peace.

Bye-bye.

Take care.

Bye.

Sean Ward, everybody.

Whoa, and I came up way too quick.

Sean Ward, everybody.

Thank you for calling in and partaking in this impromptu Madhouse show.

Yeah.

Yay.

Yeah.

Okay.

Let's call.

hey that's a new that's going to be a new mile marker for uh madhouse and pcu from the from the

combination shows yeah exactly yeah it is yeah that's right because we've had what a mile mark

this is the first this is the first sean ward um a la another studio yeah meaning that i have

ever recalled i don't recall it ever happening it is yeah collaboration definitely and it's even

This is going to be amazing.

It's an international.

It's bringing.

Because look how far apart you two are.

Yeah, it's bringing two countries together.

You know, actually, if you couldn't get further between two hosts on PCU,

it's me and Sean Ward, right?

He's in Canada, and I'm all the way in Florida.

So, yeah, this is a great, monumentous moment in diplomacy between Canada and America.

It is.

Yeah, and relations with Canada and the United States.

We're doing a great thing here.

This is just like Skylab.

Remember Skylab?

Just like that.

Yeah, I remember Skylab.

It was great, man.

Yeah, it was a great thing.

We learned so much from Skylab, everybody.

We're just like NASA here at PCU.

I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

Well, this is because you're in Florida.

You're like Space Central here.

That's how I get up on the satellites,

and I'm fortunate enough to be able to come in here and visit from a satellite.

Yeah, it is great.

It is great.

Okay, well, dude, you know, it's 7 o'clock.

I'm going to call it a night because I don't want to go too far.

We've done two hours, and that's impressive.

That is very impressive.

I'm sorry I missed it there, brother.

Exactly.

We can do it.

I'm sorry I missed it.

Yeah, well, you know, hey, wait a minute.

You know what we should have done?

You know what I should have done?

And I'm kicking myself in the ass in the e-mail from Matt.

We had Matt in the e-mail bag, e-mailed me a company named Canadian Paintball

that fucked him over in a paintball gum.

He gave them to fix it, and they had it for three and a half months

and haven't fixed it yet.

That would have been perfect.

Sean's in Canada and everything.

He would have understood it.

I should have done that.

Man, my bad.

Well, hey, you know what?

I'll do it right now.

How's that sound?

You got his number?

Call him back.

Let's do it.

No, no, no.

We don't want to.

Well, that's all right.

We can mess about, man.

We'll give him something to be proud of.

We can do it.

We can do it, folks.

All right.

So we're going to call, I guess, this is submitted by email.

Yeah, we'll break in a little Madhouse style.

Madhouse, madhouseradio at gmail.com.

You can reach us there with your suggestions.

We're going to call Canadian Paintball that, I guess, has been holding on to this guy's paintball gun for three and a half months and haven't even fixed it yet.

That's a bunch of crap.

You know my dad had a car once that he gave to a mechanic to fix, and it took him like six months to get to it.

It was such ass, and he couldn't get it out of there because it was all locked up.

I don't know.

Long story.

But, yeah, anyway, what I'm trying to get at is that we're doing the last prank call of the night, so please hang on.

We'll be right back.

It's now 7, 10 p.m. Eastern.

4 p.m. on the West Coast.

You're listening to The Madhouse.

We'll be right back in just one moment.

So, have we changed the hours of our show?

Or do we just like doing an impromptu Thursday dedication?

Just an impromptu thing.

One hundred seventy minutes.

Your call cannot be completed as dialed.

Please try your call again later.

Didn't work.

Finally got to the music.

Milkman, that didn't work.

I think because it's a Canadian number, that's probably what it was.

Milkman, are you in there, dude?

I sent you a brand new international card, Carlito.

Yeah, it's...

Talk about your name right now.

I don't know.

It's time.

We've exhausted our hand.

We will do another show, perhaps Thursday.

Well, yeah, we're on Thursday now.

I'm sorry.

Thursday night, 10 p.m., right?

Everybody be sure to listen.

Yeah.

What time do we normally go on?

10 p.m., 9.30 p.m. usually.

But if I got to pick up Sean from the airport, we might come on at 10.

I'd say 10 o'clock is a safe time to say.

so they can set up and everything.

So you're telling me in DCU that you're going to have this new

mile-marked, phenomenal show, having it right in the manhouse,

featuring the legendary prank caller, Peanut Punch himself,

Mr. Sean the Warden, in the house?

Exactly, yeah.

Sean the Warden, I like that.

Yeah, he's going to be here Thursday, two days, Thursday at 10 p.m. Eastern.

So be sure to be here and listen to that.

If you're listening for the first time or if you're a PC regular.

Hey, this will be a show to remember because you're going to have some great laughs

because between Carlito and Sean, it's going to be nothing but wallow tears and laughs.

Exactly.

True that, true that, true that.

All right, Milkman, wrap us up here.

Give your normal goodbyes to the people here at PCU.

Yeah, I just wanted to throw out real quick here all my love here

and thank you to Madman for providing us our wonderful place here

here to go in and chat and kick each other around a little bit

and show some love.

Wonderful Lego provides our voice here.

It gives us a stream here and access to the stream

and to bring us into your home.

And he'll be on later tonight.

Oh, and he's coming on later tonight?

Oh, yeah.

He didn't come on last night.

Yeah, Lego's coming on next.

Yeah.

Also, KDK, our benevolent, incredibly gracious host sponsor.

He does allow us to come on here,

and he has done nothing but do good things for the madhouse we love katie came hey boom they

supported us very well love them all and pcu the audience it's all for you we couldn't do this

without you and carlito my man hermano do you guys say anything more mob fredda yeah exactly

thank you so much for letting us come on here of course yes well thank you for for being on

helping out as you always do i appreciate it um like i said we'll be back thursday sorry i was

I got caught in a...

It's okay. It was a last minute thing.

It's okay. Well, real quickly, let me remind

the dad who started off the show with me today

at 5 p.m. Eastern. Thank you to

dad, a reclute who also called in. Everybody

who submitted numbers from

work, our first time submitters, that was

awesome. We definitely have to follow up and do

some more afternoon shows because I think that went over really

well with the crowd out there.

Please send me the show after you go off.

Oh yeah, I will. It was really cool.

I'm definitely going to listen to it the first thing I hear.

got to hear it i'm gonna i'm gonna replay it here on my house and and blast it on speakers as i

cook dinner so i can hear it it was great um yeah who else uh lonesome loser course in the chat room

came in with a few numbers there you said reclude yeah thank you we did some calls uh sean ward for

calling in uh mike and t thank you very much for submitting your number and as said everybody who

hit us up on the email um you're probably at home now not paying attention but uh post-mortem we'd

like to thank you uh posthumously i should say we'd like to thank you very much for participating

everybody in the chat room you can reach us at kdk prank calls.com madhouse live.com fartsteam.com

uh and you can always email the show here at any time with any issue you have madhouse radio

at gmail.com what's your problem fartsteam.com that's that's the that's the sister site now man

that's the new heart steam yeah you gotta be kidding me that's that's the name of our new

That's the name of our new sister site, Fartsteam.com?

Fartsteam.com, and I believe –

Oh, my God.

I've got to go over there and see what it's all about.

Yeah, I'm going to go there right now, actually, and, yeah, it's a great name.

I've got to go see this because I've been waiting for this.

I heard there was something coming up, and this sounds exciting,

so I'm going to be over there looking at this as soon as I get off here.

Exactly.

We'll be there at Dolby Square.

Fartsteam.com.

Hey, you know what?

And big kudos that goes out to Neo.

You know, Neo is the one that got the phrase that got one big lucky hat.

Really?

Neo gets a big-ass hat from the PCU because she's the one that invented the name Fartsteam.com.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah.

Did you hear the story on that?

No, I didn't.

Have you heard the story about how Fartsteam got picked?

No, but I'm sure you'll tell me.

Okay, it's only like a quick story.

Okay, one night, Neo was in an after show in her chat, and she was, like, kind of getting a little bit ticked off.

and her cat jumped up on her desk on her monitor

and got up in front of her in her monitor and keyboard

and farted right on the monitor and left a steam print.

She said, the cat left a fart steam on my monitor and it smells.

And then she was typing that in the room

and Katie Kay heard that and he about busted a gut

and he went out and got the domain because he loved that one.

It was so cool.

That is awesome.

That is sick and awesome.

Awesome, and, yeah, you can thank a cat farting for the name to the new sister's side.

That's awesome.

I had no idea.

Awesome, dude.

Awesome, awesome, awesome.

Well, thank you for sharing that.

Thank you.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, that's great, man.

Yeah, that's how it went down.

Yeah.

Well, that's it.

I call it an evening.

I've got to watch a Shield tonight, too.

I've got to call my girlfriend back.

I've got to cook some steak and some rice and shit.

Milkman, you're coming over.

Bring me some beer, all right?

I don't know.

I'm not in the chat room, okay?

All right.

Well, shit, shit, shit.

Okay.

Okay, yeah.

Man, I'm going to bring some ale over here, man.

Okay, good.

Some Guinness.

Some assholes ale.

Nice.

But I can't get the chat rooms.

I don't know who's left, but I just want to tell everybody out there,

Gio, our new listener, and any of our new people out there,

we're glad to have you around.

Yep.

And keep coming back because we're going to have a lot of fun,

and you guys can be a part of it, too.

Right on.

Especially if you're here through Thursday because we're definitely going to

promise you a good show for the matter.

Exactly.

At 10 Eastern.

Okay, we'll be right back.

Sorry.

More rotation, and then Dr. Lago later tonight.

We love you all.

Thank you for bearing with us.

Have a good night.

Yay, Legos is coming on.

Yay!

Send me that show after the show.

You got it.

Recording conversation.

What the fuck is this dude?

I don't know.

What the fuck is this dude?

I just gave it to him today.

He didn't interrupt me.

Oh, God.

I can't give him a treat, man.

We're going to say beat your butt, buddy.

I'm going to...

What the fuck is this?

Oh, God.

Man, you're gay, man.

You don't know who you is, dude.

Who the fuck is you, you fucking pervert?

You know what I did?

Man, he scared me.

I don't know how he get my number.

I got your dirty laundry.

I got your dirty laundry over here.

Dude, who is you?

Hold on.

On my face.

I'm going to ask you what I'm saying.

Nobody else in my house.

I fucked up on one person right here, and that person for the rest.

You like listening to me on the phone?

Yeah.

Calling me from blocked numbers.

I don't know what block number.

What you need to do is hang up.

I heard your whole conversation.

Don't make me call the police.

What call the police then?

Yeah, you know what's up.

I'm going to blackmail you.

Oh, I'm so scared.

Jive turkey ass motherfucker.

What's your problem now?

Jive turkey, you bitch.

You didn't hear, boy.

You jive turkey motherfucker.

Who you talking to, son?

What do you mean?

Man, you can show me a place, dude.

I'm about to go whoop some motherfuckers ass

I don't even know who the fuck you're talking about.

How much you going to charge you guys?

Pick somebody up over here to the taxi cab.

Man, this ain't no motherfucking taxi cab.

I'm talking about picking somebody up.

I'm whooping your goddamn ass.

I kicked your ass.

I'm the best dude in your goddamn mother.

What?

Your mother.

You motherfucking nigga.

How you like that?

You piece of shit.

I'm not a fucking nigga.

I'm a bitch.

You nigga motherfucker.

It's probably a nigga, man.

What?

Man, I'm a motherfucking bitch.

It's probably a goddamn phone.

This is a white man that don't want to hear from no goddamn niggas calling me in the fuckin' middle of the night.

Listen, listen boy, listen boy, listen boy.

I'll show you a boy with a 12-gauge shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen cracker, listen here cracker, listen here cracker.

You got that, honky?

I'll show you some fuckin' three-letter, motherfucker.

I'll see you here, I'll see you here.

Are you Michael Frazier?

Man, this ain't Michael Frazier, man.

This is a white man.

Look, let me just ask you real quick.

First of all, why don't you shut the hell up?

You fuck you fucking piece of shit!

You fuck you, you stupid bitch.

Please, enjoy your life.

How you doing, man?

I'm staying in Halalulu.

House, not a state.

Where are you?

Chicken.

You're off Tahitian Street?

Yeah.

Dickhead, get to the K, yo!

Yo, just...

Delivery.

Dip a wing in your pocket and run it up to me?

Yeah, but I'm only one over here.

I cannot drop a chicken on you.

We would give you a couple hundred dollars, though.

Even so, guys.

Are you ready?

I wish I was the governor.

Just pretend I'm sitting on you, okay?

No problem.

Okay, I don't know.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

I got to go.

Please do wash your hands.

Yeah.

There's some kind of life you have where you have to do this stuff.

So this is a very interesting radio you have.

Very interesting radio thing if you have that, you know, because that's, it just shows me that you have, like, nothing going.

No, I got plenty.

This is what we do, man.

I do this all the time.

I get lots of votes.

This is what you do, like, you know what I mean?

Talk stupid

Yeah

Really huh

People actually listen to this shit

People

Everybody listens to this shit man

Not everybody

Cause anybody with a half a brain

That I know don't listen

Anybody with a half a brain

Would listen to this show

Instead of eating

Your shitty ass pizza

How old are you

Thirteen

Yeah fucking right

You sound like you're

Fucking eighteen or nineteen

I'm thirteen I said

Yeah right

Yes I was born

Thirteen years ago

Last Friday

Mmhmm

I'm hanging up

And you better not call

Do you have stripes

In your underwear

Do I have what

Stripes in your underwear.

You are a sick fuck.

Come on, let me talk to your sister, man.

Be a pal.

No!

Have you ever seen your sister naked?

No!

Calls (14, 1 h 7 min of 2 h 22 min)

Transcript

Comments 0