Sean Wards Peanut Punch Radio LIVE from Orlando

Testing one two oh there's my voice on the levels so we're live right now we're live right now

ladies and gentlemen how you feel about that ladies and gentlemen what's up carly feels good

too i love that well i'm just gonna let this song play out for a second while i tend to a little bit

of business here in the chat room i'll just move it up fair and balanced yeah that's exactly how

it goes on fox news you're so fly i'm just gonna change the uh what do you call this the chat room

uh, title thing.

This girl that disappeared, Jennifer, she disappeared in Orlando.

Yeah, didn't we just see her at the

convention? Uh, yeah.

Look, $116,000, Sean.

Man, we could have been $115,000

richer right now.

You would have beaten me up and kept it all? Is that it?

What's $115,000 divided by 2?

Uh, $80,000 for me.

Okay, that's crazy. I don't know what to say

about that.

The virus has been in Asia, but has recently

spread. Sure, please.

Why would they do that? The virus has killed at least

downtown ladies and gentlemen let's do something in the way of an introduction right here my name

is sean ward and you're listening to a uh i almost didn't even want to call it peanut punch radio but

i'm gonna call it a peanut punch radio it's a special edition of peanut punch radio special

because it's being broadcast live from orlando florida in the united states and i really hope

that some of the listeners from uh you know some of the people that aren't don't come through the

the show from pcu but come to the show through uh what i do be outside of that i hope a lot of

them are listening because uh because it'll be fun for me to be in florida and them to be catching

the show so i'm here live in florida in the studio uh that is typically the broadcast center for the

great carlito in the madhouse so i'm in studio having as my co-host tonight the man the legend

carlito what up oh he forgot the well that's cool well we're gonna get to those phones soon enough

as these ladies and gentlemen on the airwaves know what's happening with this good music and

this good weather it's like walking around in may outside for me beautiful tomorrow i catch a flight

back home we went to that uh went to this thing called the city walk last night at universal

studios and what a trip that was it's like they just made their own city with movie theaters and

nightclubs and restaurants it's a whole it's a whole downtown but minus the office buildings

minus the traffic lights and minus the people begging for change so yeah it's

pretty it was pretty crazy I loved it I loved it a lot it's pretty fly no it's

not too dark it's not it's not dark enough actually no I'm just being silly

hold up talking all right so ladies and gentlemen I'm here with my man Carlito

up in this bitch and uh we're gonna do a show tonight oh yeah we'll get this

oh Tuesday not tonight yeah we've been great not only simulcast it but give our

running commentary let's do that well i won't be here you should stay in america for the state

of union this is a great time well maybe i'll catch it on one of the american channels i get

and yeah so everybody get down on some shit because the state of union address is coming up

on tuesday yeah hell yeah you know what i'm saying yeah so we're up in this bitch and we're gonna do

some live prank calls am i right yeah we're gonna win a maybe take some calls call you to the same

We might take some calls, too.

Yeah, so we're going to open up the 800 number, I think, ladies and gentlemen.

Oh, it's already open.

We'll produce.

Does that mean I have to piss on you now?

Because I'd rather not.

You make a mess of your carpet and everything.

Come on, now.

Okay.

Oh, we're going to do a phone check.

Yeah, a phone check.

Hell yeah.

The phone is working.

What is this motherfucker?

I want that.

No, I don't got NVIDIA shit.

Well, fly.

Well, it's dope.

Everybody, I highly recommend it.

Bow wow wow, yippie yo, yippie yay, doing peanut punch here on Sunday, hey, all of you people that are listening, look at my teeth, they glistening, shining, gleaming, ding, lighting the light, people wanna try to come up, cause I'm a sight, get my autograph on the street, try to come down and say they could beat my style, and I went nowhere with that.

Oh, yeah. Oh, they're going to talk about social security. Oh, war on terror. They got it. The debate heats up.

And then Hannity and Combs are coming on after. Good lord.

Why is, seriously, dear Americans, why is Fox News, like, why do you allow this?

Like, how could you, no, how could you build a society in which Fox News would come to be?

Damn, where'd you go? Oh, yeah, people, yeah. Yeah!

What were you saying? Why do Americans always put Asians on TV?

No, I said, why would Americans build a culture in which Fox News would just get to happen?

Yeah, put on some MTV or some shit.

See, they're good enough.

Yeah, you gotta keep in mind, ladies and gentlemen, I don't even have cable, let alone get a lot of these channels.

So coming in and getting the full breadth of American cable is a bit of a trip for me.

That's alright.

We're just getting them all warmed up.

Letting that listener count climb back up.

Bow, wow, wow, yippee, yo.

Yippee-yay!

Live on PC, Prank, All Underground Radio.

Right now, tonight.

Chillin' up in the madhouse, Carlito Studio.

Oh, damn, Tom Cruise, Top Gun.

Oh, now somebody's cryin' on VH1.

Welcome to Sean and Carlito Watch TV.

A new program destined to highlight the frailties and shortcomings of ourselves and our attention span.

Yeah!

That was you singin' there, singin' right there, I heard.

Oh, shit, yeah!

Maybe she just had something to eat when they ate her.

No way.

so ladies and gentlemen let me tell you about something i came down here to do this comic book

show and the comic book show was held in like a barn at a fairground and um yeah it was pretty

crazy it was a central florida fair that was called the central florida fairground and yeah

there's a central florida fairground so you gotta walk across grass and dirt to get this big barn

that the thing is in it was unbelievable but uh it was it was a hell of a trip we met a lot of

of great people and uh you know the the caliber of the women it went up it uh it started out at

zero on friday and moved up to maybe one or two out of ten on saturday but it easily got up to

six and seven out of ten today and uh yeah a lot of families coming and uh all right carlito's

gonna step out the studio for a moment yeah carlito is gonna go tend to whatever business

a man like him tends to at a time like this and i'm gonna take a few more moments to just you

you know, rap at you about my trip, like, looking at palm trees, man, I don't look at palm trees

ever in my day-to-day life, I haven't seen a palm tree since I was 11 years old, and I came down

to Florida a year ago, like, one of them family vacations at the big theme park, but now I come

up, and I'm surrounded by palm trees, and here's a very interesting thing that I noticed that

surprised me, is that even though your currency is worth more, everything is the same price,

If something is $5.99 in Canada, it's $5.99 down here, I'm noticing.

The difference is that it's U.S. dollars, so it actually is a lot more expensive.

Everything. Everything is just, you know, that percentage more expensive down here.

It's wild. And, uh, yeah.

We want the funk. Gotta have the funk.

Oh, we need the funk. Gotta have the funk.

Oh, I'm a pimp slut.

If you want to broadcast some freestyles, all you got to do is phone in.

We forgot to say the phone number when Carlito was over here.

We're going to get that phone number and get a toll-free number hat, man.

Call in, Kim Slut, and fucking throw down that rhyme, man, because I want to hear that rhyme.

Okay, so he's setting us up.

He's got a prank call situation.

He would like to put that out in a minute.

Ask for Pat.

His name is Patrick.

He's 18.

He plays bass in a band as a girlfriend.

Have we been over this one a couple of times?

I don't know.

Am I tripping out here or what?

And back to the regular chat room, what's he just got to say?

This is whack, he's got to say.

I just, I just fucking shouted that dude out, and he's gonna tell me he said my show is whack.

I'm gonna fucking kick his ass, dude.

Check, check.

Yo!

Oh, here we go.

Yeah, we got a little bit of mic trouble that was coming up, ladies and gentlemen.

So we're just fixing, just fixing up the mic.

Yeah, I unplugged my shit apparently.

I unplugged my shit by accident.

So now we're fixing, fixing it up, you know.

Now we got, oh, there we go.

Now I'm back on for real.

All right, back in action.

So Carlito's back in the studio, and we were going to say, hey, Carlito, we got to hook up a couple of things.

We got to hook up the 800 number, and we got to hook up making some live calls because that's what the people came down to get.

That's right.

And, yeah, toll-free number.

First of all, it's 1-888-278-8509.

That's your ticket to reach us here.

Me, Sean Ward, and Carlito.

Peanut Punch Radio, live from Madhouse Studios.

Special edition.

of peanut punch radio our first um guest broadcast here in uh in the madhouse uh studio yeah awesome

it's an honor of course oh thank you sir it is and i'm uh turning on that toll-free number as

we speak so again i'll give it out one more time that's yes say it nice and loud for the people

one eight eight eight two seven eight eight five zero nine and that's on our dime i don't even know

I don't know if I spelled that right on here in the browser.

I don't think I did.

Damn it, man.

So we're just hooking up the 800 number right now,

and we're going to be getting down with some of the live prank call ass shit.

Yeah.

So you have numbers?

I'm sure you have numbers to see what Lewis and Lewis are doing.

Yeah, he's been coming correct with it already,

and some other dude sent in some shit.

All right, he's sending you some Australian numbers, actually.

Damn, fool.

There we go.

And Milkman is confirming a phone card here.

Yeah, check this dude out.

This dude right here.

Pimp Slut.

Pimp Slut, yeah.

Yeah.

Why did I get kicked?

Well, pimp, you got kicked because you were telling me my show was whack in the fucking

in the chat room.

Why would he say that?

I don't know.

I just went over and said, this is whack.

Two times I said it.

And he's in Florida and he's got to say that.

I mean, come on.

Well, if he's listening, he knows he should come back to the chat room because, you know,

whatever.

He's just, we just give you a little kick.

We give you a nudge.

Yeah, that's nothing.

It's just nice.

There's nothing wrong with the friends kicking each other in the nuts every once in a while,

right?

Yeah.

Sean's kicked me in the nuts five times.

Yeah.

I'm having my nuts kicked out.

Right.

Ah.

See?

Like that.

Right.

That was hilarious.

And so, yeah.

We're hooking up the 800 number.

And say it one more time for these people.

So the kids.

Because by now, they've got to be ready to write it down or type it or something.

It is 1-888-1888-2788509.

And I just posted in the chat room for Sean Ward.

Yeah, just went in the chat room.

So, we're going to get into some live shit now.

So, you tell me what number you want to have called on the air, and then I will call it for you.

Okay, so that's how we're going to do things up in this bitch.

I'll talk on this phone, and I'll talk on this phone.

Okay.

So, we go.

Let's start with one of Lonesome Loser's ass shit.

Whatever's in color is from today.

Okay, so let's do this Dan and Renee tool.

Tool.

The woman who answers.

What's the gag? What's the gag with Dan and Renee Tool?

What do they need? Why am I calling Dan and Renee Tool?

Oh, okay. Well, if I don't get there, I guess.

So, yeah. Once again, it's 1-888-278-8509.

Back to more Rick James, right?

Yeah.

Your balance is $2.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

You have 227 minutes.

Hi. Did you get the thing I sent you?

What?

Did you get that thing I sent you?

Renee?

Dropped it off to you today.

Hello.

Hi, Renee.

Hello.

Yeah.

Hi, Renee.

Did you get that thing I left for you this morning?

What?

Did you get that pie that I left for you this morning?

A pie you left me?

Yeah.

Who is this?

This is Renee.

Yeah?

Right.

Did you get the pie I left for you?

Pie?

Yes.

It was homemade.

Who is this?

This is Renee.

Who is this?

Renee.

I was homemade.

What?

The pie was homemade.

Rhubarb?

Where'd you leave it?

Oh, right there on the porch.

I don't have a porch.

In front of the door, you know what I mean. Come on now.

It was Rhubarb.

Who is this?

Renee.

Who are you calling?

Renee. You.

Renee who?

You.

Huh? Me?

Yes. Renee Toole.

Who are you?

Renee.

Who is this?

Did you get the pie I left you?

No, I didn't. Who is this?

Why not? Who would have got to it first?

Who are you?

Who would have got to it first?

Who could have beat you to the pie?

Good. Not to make you feel bad, but you really were sounding like Michael Jackson.

That voice is totally Michael Jackson, that's awesome.

It is what it is, you know what I mean, I just jump in and hit the gas.

Thank you.

I'm tempted to call the Skunk Bay Lighthouse and ask them what that fucking smell is.

Skunk Bay.

I think you should do that.

I want to hear that one with that voice.

Yo, man, what the fuck is that smell?

I don't know how stupid-

One.

For Espanol, my-

Please enter two dollars and twenty-one cents.

Please enter the number you-

You have two hundred twenty-one minutes.

Boy, is this a skunk bitch?

Two people so bad, yo.

One down, twin sp-

Yo.

And I smell that shit from the road, yo.

You smell.

You smell like ass.

You don't get water out there?

You get that sulfur well water, yo?

What's he say on that one?

Nah, he's like-

He thought it was funny, at least.

I mean, that made the guy laugh.

There we go.

That's good.

Good for him.

Go for him, yo.

That was some ridiculous live shit.

Live shit ridiculous live here on PCU.

Prank on the ground radio.

I saw Cracker in there somewhere with a K.

Well, I like this Jimmy Frail.

We can work with Frail.

There's some situation in which he's frail or...

Yeah.

Offer him the strength of God.

Jesus.

Bring to you Jesus.

I'll do that one for real.

There you go.

All right.

Let's do it.

Back to the...

Dialing the number, ladies and gentlemen.

I'll just hang on.

Jimmy on the line.

Who?

I'm here.

Yeah, to hear, man.

It's like a for you

in the grace of...

No, I wouldn't be interested

in anything, thank you.

How about the solace

in the grace of Jesus?

No, she's obviously not...

I should call her back as Jesus

and say, why don't you...

Yo, fuck!

Yo!

Yo, man!

What the fuck is this, yo?

Jesus!

What, you got no love for me?

That's awesome.

A

PCU.

Or English, plus not reachable with this card.

Please enter the number you wish to have 215 minutes.

Perfect time.

So, this is Jesus, yo.

Why don't you have no love for me, yo?

Yo, I love you.

Jesus loves you, yo.

Gather with me and Jesus in this holy book.

Together we can drop down the barriers of your frailty and make you strong with the light of Jesus.

Fuck, she doesn't want the good word.

Well, fuck her then.

You can't force a good word on some people.

Well, I have it, Sean.

We both went to church today.

That's right.

Nerd church.

A couple times.

Yeah.

Church and temple.

So who's next?

I think Calvin and Jenny Cheap are next.

We got the Cheaps.

Yeah.

These numbers from Lonesome Loser.

Yeah, Lonesome Loser.

Thank you, Lonesome Loser.

Yeah, thanks, Lonesome Loser.

He knows he gets the eternal perpetual thanks because he's always on the ball with all the shows.

He's boom right there.

He's like a very necessary part of the show.

He's the silent producer guy.

He's a gentleman and a scholar.

Yeah, and a world traveler, too.

Renaissance man.

Yep.

That's true.

Yep, and a socialist.

And a hell of an alcoholic.

You can put him down.

Gin's his drink, so...

So they give you this damn phone, but they don't give you anything to stick it to.

Well, I put Velcro on the back of it.

But when you buy him, it's just like him and this phone that just...

Yeah, exactly.

If you're standing, he just dangles.

Yeah, exactly.

Isn't that stupid?

Yeah.

The least they could do is put it on his back.

On his back, like he's a radio operator.

Oh, no, because then he can't hang up.

He can just have it on his chest.

He can wear it on his chest.

No one knows what we're talking about.

This is great radio here.

Yeah, yo, you see this here, yo?

Yo, I got this today, man.

Yo, it's Moe, yo.

You should call him Moe.

Hey, Moe.

Yo, Moe.

Call him Mohamed.

Just call him Moe.

Look at this guy here, Murphat Mohamed.

You should call him Murphat Moe.

Hook it up.

That's an Arab kid, too.

That's always fun.

That always fun to talk to.

Here comes that, Mr. Mohamed.

I'll bring you into it.

We'll be like a rap group.

We're looking to recruit him.

You start.

We're live at Madison Square Garden.

There's always a part in the song where they were like,

Howard Corsair, not Howard Corsair, what was his name?

The guy that...

No, no, no, not Howard Corsair.

Marv Albert.

The number is not reachable with this caller.

It's okay.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

The guy's name was Bob Costas.

I thought Marv Albert started it.

Oh, it's...

Yes!

Marv Albert and Bob Costas were both on it.

You have 212 minutes.

Marv Albert was biting women or something like that.

They found his black book.

Isn't there something weird happening with him?

Yeah, forget what?

I don't know.

What's that over there?

Joe?

Fuck, yo.

My father's a faggot.

What did we call him?

Where's the name?

Oh, there we go.

Murphan Muhammad.

Muhammad.

Give me a second now.

You ding, bitch?

Did I fuck it up by coming on the line?

No.

Damn Arab phone lines.

Slow.

TikTok, bitch.

Some damn American phone.

Yeah.

We'll try it again.

Their economy's so dependent on oil, you can't count on them for shit.

That's right.

Your phone number is not reachable with this phone.

Yo, what the fuck, yo?

Please enter the number you wish to call.

You have 209 minutes.

I don't know.

What?

I don't know.

I feel his work.

Hello?

Yo, can I speak to Murphat, please?

Sorry?

Murphat, please.

This is Murphat.

Who are you?

Yo, Moe.

This is the fucking Fly MC.

Yo, what's up?

Original OG, Fly MC.

What's up?

Yo, Moe.

Assalamualaikum.

Fly MC, you know what I'm saying?

Speak English.

Well, hold up.

Yo, I got my homeboy right up in here.

He's going to say a word to you.

What?

Assalamualaikum.

Waalaikumsalam.

Sharlah, Kous Kous, Glub Glub, Zeeb Zeeb, Ooga Booga

Mohamed

Yes, very well

So check it out

Can I call you Mo?

Trasheed?

Yeah, Trasheed

Yeah

Trasheed or Mustafa?

No, no, no, no, no

Yes, yes

How are you? Spanish or what?

We spoke on the phone

Put wife on the phone

Murph

Put woman, woman

What do they call woman over there?

Squaw

You name me on the telephone?

What are you saying, man?

Get Murph, put Murph on the phone

Murph at, Murphy

I don't know, dude, just put the woman on the phone, man

I know she's hot, put her on the phone

Yeah, put that bitch on, let's talk to her

Get all wet

I want to see your woman's face, yo.

Let me see her face.

Can I see your woman's face?

What?

The cell phone international?

He's trying to talk.

My name is internationally known.

That's it.

We lost him.

I'm sorry.

That one flopped.

Belly flopped sideways shit.

It's hard to prank on a guy who really does not know English.

At least Mexicans normally know a little bit of it.

Follow it if you're insulting them.

There's people talking to you, though.

You got this position here saying something.

Yeah, I got a mic to work, but I'm not sure if I can use the talk prog because Windows drivers.

Oh, he's talking to me.

That's right.

Anybody who would be talking to me in the chair.

Oh, my bad.

Let's see what Zolar is saying.

Okay, three minutes, no audio, then four.

Okay, Sean, Zolar was complaining, but whatever.

That was a while ago, though.

We're fun, right?

Yeah, we're on.

We ought to be.

Yeah, so you're fun.

Yeah, Tim Searcy.

He's there.

Yeah, but Tim Searcy doesn't want to answer his phone anymore.

We fucked him up for so long.

You know what I mean?

This guy's like, yo, how do you put your phone calls on the internet, yo?

How do you put your phone calls on the air?

I missed it.

How do I put the phone calls on the air?

Well, yeah, the telephone just connects to, you know, we set up a mic.

Like, we have a special little hookup here, and it goes directly to the phone.

But don't forget about the spell we have to cast.

Exactly, yeah.

Milkman in the Virgin Islands.

And that's a three-and-a-half-hour ritual right there.

You guys don't even have time for that.

Yeah, Milkman sacrifices three chickens every week in the Virgin Islands,

which means he goes to a chicken place and eats three chickens at one sitting.

And then there it is.

That's the sacrifice of three chickens, and then we can do prank calls.

And then we got to do that chant.

Yeah, the chant.

Whatever that guy was saying.

Hi-ya, war-ya, hi-ya, war-ya.

Yeah, exactly.

So let's go down a little more

On the list of numbers

Let me see who else is talking here

Yeah Tucker saying it's been a good show

Thanks for the vote of confidence

There's a number for you right there

Confirmed

Number for Romeo Monkey

Here's his sister Mona Monkey

They're very angry French people

Who use cloth diapers on their children

What kind of hippie shit is that

Dang well they're saving the environment

yo yeah that's you know they don't use cloth diapers man that's sick it says would you like

if your parents use cloth diapers on you get nasty rashes well no because they got like they got

technology now man technology has infected the diaper world too so the diapers like they're as

good as the disposable ones now it's just that they get washed and reused so it's not clogging

up the environment because diapers are horrible horrible horrible shit the environment but a

A cloth diaper doesn't hold baby shit like a Pampers does.

Like a Pampers does.

I don't know.

I don't know the ins and outs of the diaper world.

I don't know.

That's not my area of expertise.

Well, you have two kids.

I do, but you think I had a hand in raising them, those little shits?

No.

All right.

Let's see.

Sean Ward keeps a strong hand with his women.

His women are forced to.

You've never.

I knock them up and pack them away.

Exactly.

Yeah.

God, when I have a kid, I'm not going to look forward to changing.

Send it to Sonia.

Sonia.

Who's that?

No, Sarnia is a town quite a ways out.

Oh, I thought it was a woman.

No, you get some women and you got to deal with her, you send her to Sarnia.

Sonia?

Put her up in Sarnia and forget about her.

Okay.

Which is good.

What is it, like the Frozen North or something?

Something like that.

Like the Frozen West.

Okay, gotcha.

Well, yeah.

You want to call the monkey, dude?

Yeah, let's call Romeo Monkey.

Although, do you think it's Romeo?

Well, if it's French, I'm sure.

Romeo Monkey.

Here's one from Walnuts, too.

Look at that.

Dick Cracker.

Oh, let's get to that next.

I want to do the Romeo Monkey.

Okay, so yeah.

I'm just seeing here.

Matt's talking.

Blase, Blase.

Oh, yeah.

If you want to call in, 888-278-8509.

Someone wants you to call a Darren here, it looks like.

Talk shit to him about his band named Ramshark and try to sign him or something.

All right.

Cool.

Got Pat.

His name is Patrick.

As for Pat, his name is Patrick.

Patrick, okay.

Let's see.

That is 18.

Plays bass in a band.

Has a girlfriend.

And lives in Montreal.

I've called Patrick, and we try to call him during the week.

On Thursday, we try to call him.

What were we doing?

We were calling...

Calling right this one.

Romeo Monk.

Romeo.

This is Romeo.

All right.

Oh, damn it, man.

Yeah.

You have 104 minutes.

Wow.

A lot of minutes.

Yeah.

Turn your phone on.

Yo, this shit again.

Pick up, Azul.

Start all over again.

Damn.

If you're listening to the show here, open up your browser and get on over to myspace.com slash Sean Ward.

And add me, or if you've already added me, leave a comment.

If you've already left a comment, leave another one, because I love them.

And also hit the website, seanward.net and carlitos, is it madhouselive.com?

Madhouselive.com is Carlitos shit.

And, of course, PCU, the station you're listening to, may be reached via kdkprankcalls.com.

Yeah.

We got a problem.

I guess I can't call Canadian numbers anymore.

Damn.

So, fix it when we're jackass in.

Good enough.

He can't call Canadian numbers on no bitch-ass card?

I got another card.

I'm gonna call frickin' Australia.

Damn.

Prime Minister of Australia.

Okay.

That sucks.

Milkman sent me another number that night.

All right.

There we go.

Uh-oh.

Fix that, folks.

Hang on.

We're going to sort this prank call situation out momentarily.

And in the meantime, we're going to listen to this jam.

This fucking imitation reggae shit.

I guess it is imitation reggae.

Yeah, it's alright.

I like it enough.

Let's make it a little more action-packed.

Action music.

Yeah.

The next song has to be...

Yeah, the Great Regime.

KDK dissed him right on the air when he died, too.

He did?

What did he say?

He deserved to die?

He said, what's he doing?

It's time to make one song that nobody even cares about anymore.

Rape women.

yeah that would be funny if you talk like that is that is that happening

word up fool yeah it's a numbers game really ladies and gentlemen okay here we go

actual minutes may vary for the terms printed on your carter posters oh thank you

word up yeah what she's calling right now um romeo romeo welcome romeo must be male

Oh, this is the monkey residence. It is Mona Mona. How are you doing?

Yes, this is Dengue

Okay on your wonderful. What the monkeying around?

What is it? This is the monkeying around. They call you monkey yo

Me I'm sorry. She's a bitch anyway

I don't know damn women my microphone is not in my mouth because yeah

They need to hear my word of mouth.

There you go.

You can bend the microphone a little, stem stalker, stem stalker.

Oh, damn, there's some people calling.

Who dis here?

Yeah.

Who dis here?

It's St. Croix.

If it's St. Croix, then it's none other than the milk woman, milkman.

I'm going to international park war.

Yeah, what can I do?

Very good.

You know that you have a free subscription to Screw Magazine.

Chris, international.

I don't even call.

I need a good tap.

We'll call some international shit and hook it up.

Alright, well, I'll make sure to subscribe to YouTube.

Thank you for the subscription, most of all.

Yes.

Sean's still on the air, I'm talking to you now, me and you.

Okay, okay, I didn't know if I was on the air or not, so I didn't know.

Sean's not too happy that you called in, I don't think.

Why?

I don't know, he's giving me that look like, you know when you take your hand and you do the blah blah with the hands, like the mouth talking?

He said that, I don't think he likes you. All weekend he's been like, yo, fuck Milkman, yo.

Well sure, I sent him a card.

How could you be so cold to both me and Milkman like that?

Gotcha, Milkman.

I was just trying to send him a card. I didn't mean to interrupt the show, man.

We were just playing. We were playing.

He's being cold to me and you like that.

Oh, okay. I hear him. Okay, no.

I wasn't trying to interrupt the show, man.

I just wanted to send a card to him because Nunez wanted you to do...

We're gonna do some international calls right now, man.

We're gonna get right to it right now.

Hell yeah.

Yeah.

I spent a whole month

saying that at work

all the time

white power

all the time

like

yeah

that's probably why

they got rid of me

anyway then

this is a Puerto Rican guy

going around saying

white power all the time

when everything went my way

instead of going

yay or woohoo

I go

white power

and I just walk off

and people give me looks

it's bad

I think they probably

thought I was really white

probably

anyway

what did he want

He wanted us to call him...

Yeah, I was just kidding with Milkman, too.

That was kind of funny.

That was cold.

That's what that was.

Cold blooded.

We already played that song, right?

We can't play it again.

We can play anything we want.

Let's go back to playing this.

Well, this is your selections, I mean.

Yeah.

Whatever you say, chief.

Okay, let's see what Lonesome has sent internationally, because he's sending internationally.

I got a lot of Australia.

Was it a good time over there?

Yeah, it's like 4 o'clock in the afternoon.

3 o'clock in the afternoon tomorrow, man.

Let's say what's up to the Burger King.

Crackers, the clown.

That's here in the pop-up.

Ew.

What the hell's wrong with the sound card?

Okay, so you got Burger It, you got a Burger King, you got a...

Let's call it Burger It.

Burger It.

Yeah.

Alright, well, I'll get that set up and you keep talking.

Word up.

So we're gonna call Burger It.

They're in Australia.

Adelaide, Australia.

Which is in the province of...

Fuck if I know.

But I know a girl that lived in Australia.

She still does live in Australia and I still do know her.

I know a girl in Australia who lives in Toowoomba.

The province of Queensland.

You have an internet relationship with a girl in Australia?

No, she's one of my dearest friends, and she moved to Australia many, many years ago.

I was being presumptuous.

Son of a bitch.

No, in fact, it took her moving away to Australia for us to have any kind of little thing to

want, you know, and it was kind of nice when it did.

That's always how it is.

This is way too loud, and I'm looking at Harris.

All people heard there was music.

Good, that's good music.

We had a good exchange, though.

Well, if they're of the mind, then they'll have picked it out.

Of the ether.

from the singular from the single unity of being because as it was is and shall be you know what

i'm talking about well that's just the thing isn't it whatever you say there reverend i'm on some

next shit i'm on some next shit body yes man james in your ears ladies and gentlemen that's

rick james may he rest in peace funk godfather we're missing something here with the australian

Uh, this shit again.

We'll skip them.

Come back, reel it back in.

North America.

North America it is.

Sticky Tone Farms?

What the hell do you suppose Beyond War is?

Beyond War!

Oh, Baldwin Park Veterans of Foreign Wars.

Who would be answering on a Sunday night this late at the Veterans of Foreign Wars at the VFW?

Let's find out.

It's gonna be an old person.

In Baldwin Park, California.

Cool.

We're having a bingo up here!

My grandma used to go to the VFW stuff.

My dad was an employee.

My grandfather was an employee.

What one?

Korea.

Damn.

That was a good war.

What's so good about it?

We didn't get our asses kicked as bad as we did in Vietnam.

Hey, it's working.

Have the Americans won a war since World War II?

Yeah.

What?

The war of the hearts and minds.

We won the Cold War.

Turn printed on your card or poster.

They take credit for a win.

Bomb Park VFW.

Hello, I'm just wondering how it'd go about getting down there.

I'm sorry, what?

I'm just wondering about how it'd go about getting down there.

Getting down where?

Where?

To the building.

I'm sorry, to here?

Yes.

My name's Eugene.

I was in a foreign war and I need to come down and meet y'all.

Well, you know, I'm getting ready to close right now.

Well, what time are you closing?

I close at 7 on Monday. I mean, on Sunday.

Yeah, so you're, like, trying to close right now?

Yeah.

Well, you know, I think I could make it if I took a taxi cab.

I'm sorry, what?

I think that I could make it if I took a taxi cab.

I think I could catch you if I took a taxi cab.

Yeah, but see, right now it's already 7 o'clock.

Yes, but you're still there and you're still packing up.

I think that...

I'm assuming it's going to take you at least another couple of minutes to pack up

and get ready to leave.

And I think I could make it if I took a taxi cab to come on down and see you.

Well, I close at 7, and it's 7 o'clock right now.

But you're still there, and you'll be there for another few minutes at least.

Isn't that right?

I don't know.

Yeah.

You think you'll be around in six minutes?

I should be here in another six minutes.

Hold on.

Now, is that music in the background?

Is that just the radio, or are you playing CDs?

It's a jukebox.

So somebody chose that song, selected the song.

Yeah, am I right?

Yeah.

What other songs you got in the jukebox?

They're all oldies.

That's my favorite music.

Oldies is my favorite one.

Is this Fred?

Yeah, this is Fred.

You got it.

I'm a veteran of a foreign war, and I just got to come down there.

I thought you said, is this Fred?

Yeah, I'm a veteran of a foreign war, you see, and I've got to come down there.

Okay, is this the Fred I know?

Yeah, I fought in a foreign war.

I'm a veteran of a foreign war.

Okay, what foreign war?

Grenada.

Grenada?

Yes, in the 80s.

Oh, in the 80s?

Panama, in the 80s, yes.

That was a foreign war.

Oh, was it?

Yes.

Panama is a foreign country.

Oh, yeah, I know that.

And it was a Panama War.

Okay.

Foreign.

Okay.

And I'm a veteran of it.

Are you holding a veteran of a foreign war's card?

Yes, of course I am.

Or I wouldn't be calling now, would I?

I don't know.

Well, yes, I don't mean to get cross.

Oxford, yes. I've got the card, and I'd like to come down and meet you.

Okay.

So you'll still be there another five or six minutes, yeah?

Yes, sir, I will.

So I think I could make it if I took a taxi cab.

Okay.

So you'll be waiting for me. How will I know you're you?

I'm the only bartender here.

So you'll be the one that's behind the bar?

Uh-huh.

And will you have on glasses?

I'm sorry, what?

Will you have on glasses?

I should, yes. That's what I wear.

And will you have a hat?

I'm sorry, what?

Will you have a hat at a jaunty angle?

Do I have a hat on?

Yes, but will you have it at a jaunty angle?

I can't hear what you said, I'm sorry.

I'm asking you if you'll have your hat at a jaunty angle.

She ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be, the old grey mare.

She ain't what she used to be, wah wah wah wah wah.

Okay, now you guys, who the hell is this?

Why you veterans get a bar, yo?

Yo, I don't got no bar, yo.

Who is this?

I'm a veteran of the war, too, yo.

Yo, I was in Iraq, yo.

I got kicked out.

Okay, let me know who this is.

Yo, my name is Luis, man.

Luis Garcia, yo.

Luis Garcia?

Yo, I was in the army, yo.

In Iraq.

I dropped a mine on my foot.

They kicked me out, yo.

They said it was the fourth time.

This one time I threw a grenade on accident at this general.

He died, yo.

Yo, my bad.

Okay, I'll be here in another five minutes and that's all.

I threw the pen and kept the grenade.

I said, here, take this, cracker, and I ran away.

I said, feet don't fess me now.

Okay, what are you doing?

You know, I'm just here.

You all want to get into your veteran-informed wars.

Well, I'm going to be here in another few minutes and that's all.

I'm going to close.

And then where will you be going?

Huh?

And then where will you be going?

I'll be going home because I'm going to Stateline in the morning.

What's Stateline?

Oh, come on.

Is that the insurance place?

What?

Are you going to see your insurance broker?

Yeah.

About what?

I'm going to go see my money that I left the last time I was there.

You're going to see if he's still got it?

Uh-huh.

Stateline.

How much of it do you think you would have spent?

Okay, the old gray mirror ain't what you used to be.

Okay, what do you got?

What are you up to?

Yo, I know where your money's buried, yo.

I got the map in Iraq.

Oh, in Iraq, huh?

Yeah, it's under the stateline.

Either talk to me the right way or just I'm going to hang up.

Yo, this is how I talk, yo.

I dropped a grenade on my foot.

Boy, my voice is like this now, yo.

I don't want to hear that.

Oh, come on, yo.

Come on.

Yo, I shot 10 of my old men on accident, my bad.

So, I got, you know, dishonorable discharge and stuff, but, like, can I go down there and dance with the old ladies and stuff, yo?

Well, there's no old ladies there except for me.

Well, I want to dance with you, man.

Huh?

You let me talk to that beach.

Talk to what beach?

That beach there in the background, yo.

Yo, my...

Tell me.

I'm Private Garcia.

What Private Garcia?

Well, tell her you're talking to Private Garcia.

Tell her that I said to shut up, yo.

Well, she's sitting here with her boyfriend, and he's a lot bigger than me.

I'm not going to tell him nothing.

Well, let me talk to him, and I'll let him know.

No, that's okay.

Don't be chicken, yo.

What's his name?

Oh, come on, yo.

Yo, I'll kick his ass, yo.

Oh, come on.

Don't make me kick everybody's ass in that bar, yo.

I'd like to know who I'm talking to.

Two gets one.

I got to go to the bathroom, so do you want to hang up?

No, give it to the man, I said.

I command you.

In the name of the VFW.

I don't let you.

There's no...

No, I got to go to the bathroom, so...

You're not allowed to go to the bathroom in the name of the VFW.

It'll reach in there and take it with you.

I got to go, so if you're coming over, fine.

If not...

Take it with you like that girl said.

Take it with you.

I want to hear your business.

I want to hear you...

Hey, I don't want you to, okay?

I want you to go pee, yo.

Let me hear you go take a pee.

Hey, I'm not a cholo and I'm not an F.A. cholo.

You're a stupid cholo, man.

Stupid gringa, man.

What's wrong with the Chicanos, man?

Since when is VFW full of young people with, like, huge boyfriends and stuff like that who can kick my ass?

I thought it was a bunch of old women too, but I guess they all died.

Now it's like Vietnam vets and they're all buffed up.

Shit, I wanted to talk to that guy. That'd be fun.

I should call back, yo, let me talk to that guy, yo.

Excuse me.

Oh, you call back and when she answers the phone, you say, oh, you done the bathroom so quick?

Yeah, someone else is gonna pick up.

Yeah, but I don't know the woman's name.

If I would have gotten the name, I'd say, let me talk to...

Damn!

Yeah.

Anyway, that's good.

Sorry, the Australian numbers only need one zero in the front of the one one.

So, zero one one instead of zero zero one one.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, that explains a lot, yo.

Ooh, England.

The Elizabeth Hotel.

Yeah, that would be a good one for me to pull that special request prank call.

Good.

So, let's hook it up.

Well, I'll get that in and keep doing your thing.

Word up.

I'll let you know when we're ready.

Well, we're just doing this prank call show.

That's what it's all about.

Listening to Rick James and doing the prank calls.

Like that last woman.

That was some funny shit.

Gotta keep using that voice.

It was the VFW.

I actually kind of like the angle that that character is a Iraq vet.

My bad.

He just arrived back and he's clueless about everything.

Yeah, he's just so clueless.

It wasn't my bad.

I threw a grenade at a general and killed him.

My bad.

It was a poor time.

I said, oops, moron.

Today's army.

And you got a dishonorable discharge.

I still want to dance in the Vietnam.

It's the only reason I joined, yo.

What is this card that she was asking about?

I don't know.

Do you have a Veterans of Foreign Wars card?

I guess so.

I guess you're supposed to.

That's crazy.

They take that serious down there.

I guess it's a younger crowd again there.

Gulf War crowd.

Did you ever hear about people who get passports,

But the passport is like Federation of Planets and Star Trek shit like that

And then they give it to you

Hello sir

Excuse me

One bed hotel reception, how can I help you?

Is this Elizabeth Hotel?

I need to ask you if you have something for me besides the one

If you're a room number

May you mind to for you tell me who I ask

You have one besides the chocolate?

What?

Do you want two chakras?

I'm afraid I don't understand.

Do you want this two chakras?

Do you have this one two chakras?

You mean if we have a single room tonight?

No, you to have one single room, but also two sushi for two chakras.

I don't understand you.

Elizabeth Hotel?

Elizabeth Hotel, yes.

Yes, and you two have a chakras?

Can you say this slowly?

Yes, Elizabeth Hotel. Would you like to have a chocolate?

Yes, I will transfer you, just a minute.

Thank you, yes, yes, to do.

Can you please slowly?

Elizabeth Hotel.

Hello, I, how are you to doing? How to doing?

You Elizabeth Hotel to know you have this one to chocolate.

When you Elizabeth Hotel have it, you to chocolate.

You to have, it's good to have this chocolate, chocolate.

Chocolat?

This one to diving for this one to talk about this to Chocolat?

Who say to me?

Who they?

Why?

Transferred us to an actual room, I guess.

Well, that sounds like Mr. Chocolat.

We'll be able to call a number pretty soon here.

We can call Flix Restaurant in.

Oh, I guess we can't.

Bitch.

I gotta get up for a second.

So, uh, either play some music or...

Breaks here.

It'll say madhouse if you don't get offense to that then.

I don't care about that.

Hey, when it says madhouse on me, I'll say Sean Lawrence Payton.

Okay.

I'll do something.

I'm not doing the right thing.

Check, check.

Okay, I'm good.

Oh, here we go.

Shortcut to breaks.

Oh, yeah.

Do Bravo.

Bravo break.

Because I haven't used that yet.

Okay.

All right, so talk him out of here.

Okay, talking you out.

You're listening to a very special edition of Sean Ward's Peanut Punch.

Live on PCU, Prank Call Underground Radio.

This is Sean Ward and Carlito kicking it up in the Madhouse Studios in Orlando, Florida.

Coming to you live on PCU, Prank Call Underground Radio.

We're going to take a break and be right back at you.

you. Yeah, Carlito back here. I'm actually going to play. I have a prank call. That's

a new prank call that I just did the other day. While Sean takes his break, we'll play

this.

Game, my son's computer game.

Let's crash it all up.

You scratched my fucking game, God damn it.

Man, you know how much did it cost?

P.S.

Yeah, you know what?

P.S.

Oh, man.

P.S.

Get your fucking dick out of your mouth.

$39.

P.S. 2, you're saying my cousin scratched your P.S. 2 game?

How the fuck is that possible when he's been over in my fucking house?

He did it last night.

If you got shit to say, fucking come to my fucking house and stop calling me from fucking New York, you dumbass.

We are in New York, and you know what?

we'll be down there in a second if you want us to be yeah you'll be down here in a second yeah yeah

yeah that's why i call your number tells me enter access code hey hey you you know what

isn't here you that's my cell phone you're calling you don't need to be putting in the access

code on the cell phone you don't want to do that okay no matter what tell me too when i call it

look that wasn't supposed to come through so i obviously didn't block my number right

um i'm sorry if you're getting you're getting the new york number the one that starts with a seven

Yeah.

Oh, jeez.

Look, I'm sorry, man.

Look, man.

Who the fuck is this?

I'm sorry, man.

Please don't tell my parents about this, okay?

Who the fuck is this?

This is me.

Who the fuck's me?

I'm a friend of, you know, of Joe.

You're a friend of, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know?

Yeah, my name's Ben.

Your name's Ben?

Yeah.

Really?

Where do you live at, huh?

We're here in Wayne.

You live in Wayne?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah, man.

What part of Wayne?

The good part over there, you know, South Park.

The good part? Why don't you come to Bendick Street right now?

Come to do what with your dick now? What?

Come to Bendick Street right now, motherfucker. If you got balls, come down my fucking street right now.

Bendick Street?

Come down my fucking street, you fucking fat ass that fucking broke my fucking car.

Yeah, that's right.

Oh, look, man, I don't know what you be talking about.

Oh, I know what I'm talking about, because I fucking recognize your goddamn number.

Okay, look, I sat on the car.

Because you called my cell phone because you wanted to do a trade on the amp,

and my shit got broken, stolen out of my fucking car.

No, I don't know.

And we fucking stopped you, and my fucking CD player was in your fucking dashboard.

I don't know what you're talking about, man.

I don't know.

Well, if you pull mine, come to fucking Bendix.

I'm innocent.

You innocent.

I'm innocent.

You innocent.

Eyes don't see nothing, sir.

Calm down.

All right, what street you at?

I'll come to your fucking house.

Where do you live at?

Bendix Street?

I live right off fucking Annapolis.

Annapolis?

Yeah.

Where the fuck is that?

You say you're from Wayne and you don't know where fucking Annapolis is?

Oh, Annapolis? Yeah, I know where Annapolis is. You said Napolis.

Where is Annapolis?

Over there. Over there by Wayne. North, east, south, west of there.

North, east, south, west of there? Dude, you ain't even from fucking Wayne.

Yes, I am, man. Wayne till I die. Go to Wayne High School.

Wayne till you die?

Wayne till I die.

You sound like a Belleville faggot to me.

Belleville? How'd you know? You could tell by my voice?

Yeah, you sound like a little fucking faggot.

So what happened to your car now?

My car?

What the fuck do you think happened?

Why don't you come try to steal shit out of my car again so I fucking kill you?

I didn't do anything to you.

Yeah, that's right.

You're fucking scared to come back.

I am.

Look, how'd you know it was me?

Look, you got my number now.

I mean, please.

Yeah, I got your number when I called fucking Black.

Well, then what's it got to do with me?

What's it got to do with me?

You got to call me with your phone.

That's all it is.

I'm in New York.

I'm going to pay for them.

You ain't fucking New York.

I am.

Then why the fuck are you calling a cell phone?

I'm not calling a cell phone.

This is a cell phone.

Yeah, this is a fucking cell phone.

Oh, great.

Yeah.

Now the fuck you know my cousin's name?

He's my boy.

So you from New York and my cousin's your boy?

Word.

Me and Joey, man.

Me and Joey till I die.

See, you ain't even from fucking New York.

He's my BFF.

You ain't even from fucking New York.

Yes, I am.

You from New York.

What the hell are you talking about, you guys?

Yeah, that's right.

You know where I'm at.

I'm at fucking Wayne on Bendix Street.

Get the fuck out of here.

Fucking take Wayne's brother and have him.

Get the fuck out of here.

You fucking molly.

Get the fuck up.

Fuck you, nigger.

I don't know my street.

See if you keep talking shit.

What'd you say?

What'd you say to me?

I said, fuck you, nigger.

Calm down like fucking street.

Hey, look, motherfucker.

Look, my mama black.

Your mama black?

Well, good.

Fuck you, nigger.

Fuck me.

I'm not black, though.

Fuck you, nigger.

You're a son of a bitch.

Nigger.

You're a son of a bitch.

Fucking nigger.

Kiss my ass, honky.

Crack ass.

Crack a motherfucker.

You don't have to be a fucking honky.

Fuck you, nigger.

I'll take a fucking pipe of syrup.

What a bitch.

I mean, where do you live?

I'll be right over.

What a bitch.

Exactly.

You're a little bitch that talks on the phone.

You don't crack ass, bitch.

Where do you want to meet?

Come on.

Where are you going to be at?

Where do you want to meet?

Pistols at dawn.

Pistols at dawn, right?

Pistols at dawn, sir.

Did he say you're from Wayne?

I told you already.

Wayne, man.

Wayne.

Wayne, Michigan.

Wayne.

Wayne, Michigan.

Wayne.

All right.

What high school are you going to do?

What's it got to do?

What's it got to do with me?

What do you want to know it for?

Just tell me what high school you want to go to.

It's none of your business.

Because you ain't even from here.

It's not him.

There's one high school here.

What the fuck's it called?

I don't need to tell you shit.

Because you ain't from here.

Look, I work at the county airport.

You work at the county airport?

Yeah.

Can I tell you something?

There ain't no fucking...

Major combat operations in Iraq have ended.

The madhouse will return after this.

My fellow Americans.

What up, ladies and gentlemen?

We're back from break.

break we just needed to have a little sit down take a break from this show and we're back from

that break and what you heard on the break instead of commercials or advertising messages was some

world-class comedy that was uh some new shit by carlito well done sir thank you i like that one

that was hilarious uh the whole thing on thursday is that gonna be on the host of pranks page

sometime soon yeah once i get to submitting it or something like that well yeah we're gonna have

that on the host of pranks page real soon and just like i gotta get some more stuff on the

the host of pranks page because i've got a lot of live shows that uh they have some real gold

nuggets in them that i gotta go carve out people all the time like where's sean where's pranks i'm

like i don't know well they're on their come they're there they're there we just need to get

them gouged out ow yeah i agree and uh we'll have that soon enough in fact i've said it before and

i'll say it again maybe when there's maybe i just need let's see a little more demand for this on

the part of the listenership of the part of the audience but i've been strongly considering

considering starting another myspace page that is for the prank calls a peanut punch and so the

four music tracks you know the band will be listed under comedy probably yeah and then there won't

be no music on the page it's gonna be all prank calls actually i have one i think it's i have one

that i started that has like the promo for the show the old promo for the show that's the one

that's on there that plays and you can get yeah i've done that but i don't even remember i never

At some point, I'll be transferring everybody on my MySpace Cheney account.

So watch out for that.

Yeah.

Ooh, ooh.

Here's an Orlando Magic report.

The Orlando Magic.

Have lost 89-81 to the Philadelphia 76ers.

The Philadelphia 76ers beat the Magic's ass in basketball tonight.

How about Shonsley?

Because ever since he came, they've lost three games.

Well, but we got our listener count going up and up and up.

So what do we give a shit?

Yeah, fuck the magic.

If the magic wins or loses.

Fuck basketball.

Pranks, baby.

It's all about the prank calls.

This is real sport.

This is a man's sport right here.

Gentleman's sport.

Like hunting.

That's right.

Like hunting.

And golf.

Yeah.

Irish whip.

Except golf, not really.

Like hammer throwing.

That's my beer, not your beer.

Oh.

Ah.

You must be crazy.

Oh, damn.

See?

I almost got my cooties on Cardio's beer.

Oh, here.

My beer here.

Oh.

So, yeah.

What we're going to do.

Yeah, we're going to call Darren, who has been sent in by Hanshulbean.

Hanshulbean.

Yeah, we're going to call Darren up in this bitch.

Is Hanshulbean still on the chat room, at least?

I don't know.

Yeah, he is.

Good.

Well, guess what, Hanshulbean?

We finally got to you.

Your number is up.

You win.

So get ready, bitch.

And I hope you're ready with your donation.

He said he's going to donate 50 bucks to Sean Ward.

Well, where?

When?

When did he say that?

I'll give you 50 bucks.

Okay, yeah, that's right.

Dude, you did.

You said, I'll give you 50 bucks if you call my number.

So that's it.

Now you have to do it.

We're gonna do this prank for you

And you gotta go to

SeanMoore.net

And donate $50

Or you know what

If you wanna be really slick

Then donate $25

And the other $25

At CarlyRoseMindHouseLive.com

And then another $10

At KDK

Yeah right

So make it $60

And then another $10

At United Way

No fuck the United Way

Fuck the United Way

Yeah

We have a caller

We got a caller

Up in this bitch

For real

From unknown name

Alright

I'm ready for an unknown name

Yeah

Caller you on the air

You make a call

Who is this

Pam.

You call to who or what?

Okay, his name's Ryan.

Ryan, okay.

And the number's...

Well, yeah, you can't say the number.

You can't say the number on the air, dude.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

All right, check this.

You want me to type it here?

You got to send it in a private message in the chat room.

Yeah, because then everybody will call in,

then no one will get through,

and then we'll get sued, and...

Yeah, that's just one of the rules around here.

There's certain lines that we don't cross

so that we don't get in trouble, you know what I mean?

So, you know, exactly.

We don't make fun of Jesus either.

So, send the number in a private message over the chat room.

Well, I can mute him, yo.

Well, then I've got to write it down.

There's a protocol that's in effect here,

and the protocol is that you send the number in a private message through the chat room.

Exactly.

And that also is being said for the benefit of all the listeners,

that if you've got a number you want to submit,

do so by going into the chat room and sending it in a private message.

And we'll call friends and play tricks on them.

We'll call family members and play along with some gag you've got in mind.

If it's good and if it's a good and clever idea, then we'll do it.

That's all it is.

Hey, Pimp Slut, is that the number that ends in a 8-2?

Is that the number that you already sent to us here?

Yeah, you've worked with Ryan at Popeye's.

Okay, we got it.

Yeah, he works at Popeye's.

Hang on, let me go.

All right, cool, we got it.

We have it in archive.

No problem, we're going to do that now.

Hang on, let me.

That's the wall.

Can you read that, Sean, in gray?

I can.

I don't know.

I have to dial it.

The kid's name is Ryan.

He works at Popeye's.

The number and kid named Ryan who works at Popeyes.

Oh, yeah, we can do that.

So, dude, well, welcome.

You live in the Florida area, too.

That's cool, man.

It's good to hear you.

Good to see a new listener.

Yeah, where'd you get turned on to PCU from?

Yeah.

How was that?

How did you find out about PCU to even listen?

Oh, yeah, I was looking for a family guy soundboard.

Yeah.

That's what it was, and it directed me to PCU.

Good.

Spread the word, baby.

This is all about the community.

So we're going to make this call for you.

um yeah we're gonna do that right now yeah the other guys yeah yeah uh hey do you want to stand

in line and join in on a conference call or you just want to listen on on your own on on the

internet radio i just listen on the radio all right no problem later thanks for calling hey

tell a friend and keep like i said we got what we got a show here just damn near every night if not

more than one sometime so okay keep keep keep uh keep listening keep listening keep listening man

and uh yeah thanks for calling we'll get we're gonna do your number right now we'll be all right

Peace

Thanks man

Bye

Pimp Slut

Pimp Slut everybody

Pimp Slut from the chat room

Calling in with a special request

I'll get on that number

For you right now

Word up

And yeah

You continue to speak so

Listen

To the old school

Yeah take another call

I guess we're gonna do

A call in show

This is from

One of your biggest fans

Oh it is

How can he do this to me

That's horrible

Shame on you Jude

I think it was Jude right

I don't know

I don't know the number

You don't even know

Oh, it was him.

Okay.

I don't have call display in my house, let alone nobody calls me.

Oh, really?

Wow, that's crazy.

You fly naked, you Canadians.

Yeah, we certainly do.

Shall we do the call, or should we give him another chance to call in here a few minutes?

No, do the call.

All right.

All right, we'll take the call.

We'll take the call.

Hey, what's up?

Caller, you're on the air.

No, man, just a second.

Just a second.

Hello?

Matt and Mark.

That's a good word.

That's

a good word.

Brother.

What's that?

That's a good word.

Yeah.

I think that we should be doing some pranks.

Yeah, we can hook that up.

What kind of pranks do you want to do?

Carlito, do you do pranks like in three-way?

Yeah.

Yeah, I can.

I can coordinate most definitely.

That's a madhouse staple here is the conference call prank.

Right, Jew?

Yeah, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, man, yeah.

Well, let's get on a conference call prank right now.

Let's do it.

All right, guys.

Uh, you wanna call this Ryan, bitch?

Fuck yeah.

Are we, are, are we got, like, what do we got here?

We got England, we have Flick's Restaurant Inn, you got your Mandy's Hotel and Restaurant in London, you got Sticky Tongue Farms in California.

Well, we ought, we ought to do the call that Pimp Slut sent in.

Okay, well, that's right, yeah, we don't wanna leave him hanging.

Alright, well, so this, well, we gotta give him the load, and it's some, some guy named Ryan who works at Popeyes.

And...

Okay, um, Matt should, like, do the first one.

Alright.

And then I'll do, like, the second one or something, I don't know.

Nah, I'm good. You can do that, man.

Then why are you even calling in?

I just feel like listening. I just feel like being a part.

That's awesome.

Well, who's taking the lead? One of you guys has got to take the lead.

Yeah, don't stop fighting and stuff.

I'll take the lead, alright.

Okay, you're going to have to jump off on this one?

And you know to just throw the ball whenever you need to.

Yeah, I'll throw the ball right in someone's... I'll throw it at their eye, man.

Right up.

Yeah, right on.

Yeah, okay.

With AIDS blood.

Not even for yourself, though, too.

With AIDS blood on the ball.

Alright, Sean, hang up your headset

And then, uh, Jupe, you hang on

And, uh, yeah

Uh, Sean, keep talking and we'll connect it all

Look it up

What up, yeah

I'm good, yeah

I'm reading a book right now called, uh

I'm reading a book right now called, uh, what's it called?

Can't Stop, Won't Stop

It's about the old school

It's about Rockefeller Records

What?

The song, Can't Stop, Won't Stop

Yeah, I'm sure, no, I don't

I don't know it, man

Can't even spell it. Can't stop. Well, we got a bunch of can't stops here. Can't stop on my own. Can't stop the rain. Can't touch the... Can't stop.

Wait, did we lose this kid already? Yes, we did. Because I hung up on him on accident. Oh my god.

What's up? Yeah. That's wrong and on. What's up? Joop, you there still? Hello? Good, good. Yeah, we're still here. Hang on. Hello? Nothing. Cut that shit out. We're about to connect. I can't hear anything.

I'll try not to hang up on you this time though, sir.

Hello?

Shut the fuck up.

I can't hear anything.

Matt, shut the fuck up!

Look at the fucking music, this piece of shit.

This fucking computer, this piece of shit computer.

He didn't start it.

This piece of shit is what it is.

So yeah.

Ooh, Star Service Station.

Yeah.

Shaq and the Notorious B.I.G. up in this bitch.

Yeah.

One is dead, one is not.

Of those two artists.

Yeah.

Yeah, one's dead and shouldn't be and one should be dead.

one's not dead and the other one is this is a man that plays basketball and rap plays basketball

and raps he's basketball and raps and he acts basketball and raps and he acts that's right

talking about shaquille boston well the call's going through you're gonna be at popeye working

at popeye last week why i got fired for what would they want you to get me some chicken

Who's gonna get you to get me some chicken, dude?

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Have I met you before?

Yes, sir.

Yes.

Yes, you have.

How old are you?

How the fuck old are you?

Well, why the fuck are you twelve?

Why- where'd the four years come from?

Oh, no, I- I was twelve.

You gonna get another job at another Popeyes?

No.

Why not?

Count on chicken.

Um, try McDonald's?

They don't have fucking chicken at fucking McDonald's.

McDonald's. AC works at McDonald's. How does AC, working at McDonald's, help me with my

chicken situation? Um, they have the chicken fillet. Do they have the same golden coating

that Popeye's chicken does? The same succulent breasts? Yeah, actually. You are so full of

shit. Hey, no, no, what about, um, what about KFC? You couldn't pay me to eat that garbage.

What?

You couldn't pay me to eat that shit.

Oh, sure.

It's not even chicken anymore.

It's so chemically altered.

Popeye's has real good chicken.

Popeye's has delicious chicken.

Yeah, they use...

It's not good.

It's the best.

He hung up.

Either he hung up or I didn't pay the phone bill, but sometimes...

Something just fucking happened.

What a cock-fucked jerk.

Yeah, asshole.

We don't need that shit here.

Whatever do to him?

We don't need that shit here, I said.

Popeye's, huh?

You got Popeye's up there in Connecticut?

Oh, yes.

Yes, I love it.

Yeah, we talked about this.

Yes.

Popeyes is your favorite chicken.

What?

Oh, yeah.

Sure.

No, nothing in there.

Hang on.

We'll take care of that in a second.

Oh, don't even sweat it, dude.

Yeah, fuck it.

Ladies and gentlemen, you're listening on PCU Prank Call Underground Radio to a thing

that usually is called Peanut Punch Radio.

I can ask you something about that real quick.

Hold on one second.

But tonight, it's called Sean Ward and Carlito live up in this bitch.

Now, Carlito, you want to ask me a question?

Yeah, peanut punch.

Is that peanut butter?

No, peanut punch is a drink from the Caribbean.

Peanut punch?

That's delicious, yes.

It's kind of like chocolate milk, but peanut milk.

And it's a Caribbean, it's a traditional Caribbean thing that they make and drink, and it's delicious.

And I had some, again, I went out for roti last week, and I had peanut punch with my roti.

What's a roti?

Roti is a, you've never had a roti.

Oh, my God.

A roti is delicious.

Because of the high population of Caribbean descent people in Toronto, we have a lot of roti shops here and there.

And a roti is sort of, if you can imagine, a pillow that is made out of the material is like this really elaborate bread that folds up a certain way.

Caller, hold on a minute.

And it's stuffed with, like, this potato curry.

curry and we get all kinds of things in it that you want chicken or goat or beef or whatever

and it's delicious it sounds good now we can take the call okay grab your headset they can talk

what up caller man i'm sorry about that my brother he what up player what up player nothing much

homes how about yourself oh i feel fine i feel good i feel good like i knew that i would hey

hey you know that like you know the tree sap yeah the tree sap yeah sapping up all over the all over

the land man i was at this like sugar shack they were like getting the tree sap yeah they're making

maple syrup with it oh good when you know like yesterday that's fly yeah makes me hungry for

pancakes you know you know we had for dinner you know we had for dinner what you know we had for

dinner what did you have tell me puerto rican pork chops you want to know what i had for dinner

what pancakes i had uh man i didn't fucking have pancakes quit fucking with my head i heard you

you had pancakes. That's what Matt said. You're putting words into my mouth. I just heard

you had pancakes. Well, what did you have then? It wasn't pancakes. What did you have?

Cockroach. I had a bowl of chili. Oh, that sounds delicious. I wish I had a bowl of chili.

Yeah. I wish I had a million dollars. Don't we all. Don't. Like bronze shoes. Some blonde

shoes. Yeah. Why not just a blonde? Just have a blonde. And a Pikachu. Yeah. And a pair

shoes for yourself yeah and a wooden table we're done so are we going to attempt uh a conference

called prank calls is this what we're doing here we could i'm asking you though is this what we're

doing here yeah that sounds like a a terrific idea well let's let's make it happen let's make it so

that's what we were calling uh well let me tell you what we got we'll open up lonesome losers list

sure hang on all righty there he is okay right here we'll give we'll rhyme a couple off to you

We got Manzi's Hotel and Restaurant in London, England.

Sainsbury's Pick Petrol Station, the gas station, basically, in London, England.

Somebody, uh, residence, W. Blood, the blood in Belfast, Ireland.

Blue.

And, uh, the Sticky Tongue Farms, Sun City, California.

Oh, I want to call Mr. Blood.

Mr. Blood it is.

All right.

So Mr. Blood is at, uh, I'm not going to say his fucking address.

Blackwell.

But suffice it to say that he's in Belfast, Ireland for the IRB.

I have a joke about chili, but okay, here's a joke about chili.

Okay, let's have it.

Hey, why do they call it chili? It's hot.

Joke.

How about them finals?

I did excellent on those.

Where do you go, brother?

Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. You're scaring me.

All right, later, man.

Don't hang up on me.

Hello.

I'm sorry.

Okay, tell dude to seriously knock it off.

We're trying to do a show here.

He's fucking with me.

Right, so tell him that we told him to knock it off.

Punch him in the head.

I'm going to go punch him in the head, that's right.

All right.

All right, anyway.

He's going to fucking hit me with my guitar.

They say knock it off, they're doing a show, Matt.

They said punch him in the head, Matt.

Stop your tomfoolery.

Wherever you are.

Which one is this one?

I'm going to punch you in the head.

There you go.

Stop running behind the couch, you little bitch.

Okay, now leave him behind the couch.

Let's get to work here.

Call him Mr. Blood.

Are you going to be calm so we can do this and not come back to you not being there and I have to talk to him?

No, it's just because Matt hung up.

Okay, good.

You stay chilling and we're going to call up Mr. Blood.

All right.

We're done.

Yeah.

Number one.

Hang up your phone.

Oh, okay.

And continue talking on the microphone now.

Right, okay.

I talked to my brother like that.

My mom whooped my ass.

Do you have a brother?

No.

He doesn't even have a brother.

Do you have a sister?

Nope.

You're an only child.

I got a cousin.

You're an only child?

Yeah, I am.

That's fly.

You got a cousin.

I broke my mom's vagina.

Oh, damn.

Yeah.

Congratulations.

I don't know what to say to that.

That was awkward.

Yeah.

Let me connect the boys back here.

Boys.

Jupe.

Jupeurs.

Good.

They're there?

They're back on the phone.

You have three dollars.

We'll allow you to talk for two, one minute, 37 seconds.

Seconds?

Two minutes may vary per the terms printed on your card or posters.

Hey, Jim, this is Ireland, by the way.

Oh, an Ireland.

Yeah.

Belfast, Ireland.

Irish guy answer.

Mr. Blood?

Yes?

This is O'Roy from down the lane, and I think that you came over here dressed up as a ninja in the middle of the night,

and you stole all my tea cozies and my doilies and a baker's dozen of crimpets from my pantry.

What have you got to say to these accusations?

I needed those things.

Yeah, you did.

You're such a liar.

Why do you have to do these things to me?

I don't know.

You know, you know, you know, my parents just got killed.

And I've got, they just got killed, man.

And you, you, you want to steal all my crumpets?

That's all I got to eat.

I'm going to come down there and throw a fucking rock through your window.

Right.

What's your problem?

Why'd you do this to me?

I don't know.

You know what, you fucking leprechaun?

I'm going to come over there and choke your ass.

Okay.

Piece of shit.

Alright, goodnight.

I'll show you the back of my hand, bitch.

Goodnight.

Bye.

That was great.

Full of liquid that I almost spat across the room.

Pretty cool.

There's an FG cock, by the way.

G cock.

That guy was a fucking dick.

He took responsibility for it all, though.

Did you hear him? He was like, I don't know.

I just did.

Didn't he say I needed those-

He took all my fucking crumpets.

He said I needed those things.

He seriously said that to you, I think.

Bill.

Crumpets in my, uh, my fucking cozies.

If you call him back, tell him that doesn't mean it's okay to steal.

Because you need things.

I need a lot of things.

Yeah.

I can't just go in the back.

I need all this money.

You're rich.

Somewhere else.

Hotel and restaurant.

What are we calling the restaurant?

Man, I already got an idea.

Oh, you do?

Okay, well, you can have it then.

Oh, oh, do you want it?

No, you're having it.

I want to hear you do it.

You take it, bitch.

Okay.

All right.

All right, well, Joop, hang on.

Sean, hang up.

Peter, we'll hang up.

I'll play something while Sean...

Is the restaurant called again?

Uh, it's called...

street in london england cool all right hang on kid hang on buddy hi this is back for me after

yes so believe it or not that's actually pronounced leicester is it really yeah that's leicester wow

you ever use worcestershire worcestershire worcestershire worcestershire stupid irish

right what kind of last name is blood uh it's a bloody last name bloody hell joke good you

will hear a series of beeps yeah i don't even need this you should be playing music and stuff

So if I'm taking over this, I'm sorry.

That's fine.

No, I'm just chatting away.

I'm just talking.

The listeners get a kick out of the silence.

We're in.

Seconds.

Actual minutes may vary per the terms printed on your card or post.

God, I hate this new woman.

Mandy's Hotel and Restaurant.

All right.

What's it pronounced like?

Mandy's Hotel and Restaurant.

Is this Mandy's Hotel and Restaurant?

What about it?

Will you stop bringing this bloody number?

Listen to me, man.

I woke up in your restaurant yesterday.

Damn it.

The fucking guy.

It's funny, though.

Stop bringing this bloody restaurant.

Man, that's a lot.

We can move on.

We can try Flix Restaurant and then...

Right, what else we got here?

Stains, Berries, PLC Petrol.

God, I hate that word, petrol.

Call up Flix.

What?

Flix Restaurant and then...

Yeah, I want to do that one.

Or you could tell them your car broke down or something.

Or you could call the gas station and ask them for help or something.

We'll do that next.

Come on, I want to do Flix Restaurant.

This is your show, I'm sorry.

No one can hear you if you don't...

Well, stay hang up.

Alright.

They can hear me from across the room.

I know.

All right, Jupe, you're up for this one.

I'll hang up.

You're going to hang up.

Oh, I thought you guys were, like, telling me to hang up.

No, I was just saying I'm going to do the next one,

and we're going to get you to do a petrol station after that.

Yeah, so don't hang up.

What the hell is L.A. Crack?

There's an L.A. Crack in Tasmania, Australia.

L.A. Crack.

That's my name's L.A. Crack.

It's the best crack right there.

I'll be hanging up.

Yeah, you're hanging up, and Jupe, you hang on, all right?

I will.

All right, buddy.

yeah play music or whatever for one or the other doing this doing that jumping a frat a little

scat drat to the rat to tat tat because i gotta like that bitch fucking andy when he's here when

i'm doing the show he should be dialing numbers and stuff yeah he just sits here and drinks yeah

lost the number damn we got a brand new one from lonesome loser thank you lonesome loser

yeah that's good music we're dialing up some numbers we're doing on the live

prank call tip how we're doing things tonight here on PCU prank call on the

ground radio the numbers have been fly all night some of my best I know that I

know that for real I know that's one thing just for real

Joop, you there? Joop!

Take you to the max. Joop!

I want to love you. Oh, Jesus.

Joop! Good.

Joop!

Yes. Looking for the

Flix Rest Clean.

Can I help you? Are you hearing?

Yes, can I help you? Sir, yes. I was

asking to be put through to the restaurant.

To? The restaurant.

The restaurant. Did you put me through to the restaurant?

The restaurant is still closed. What time did it

close? Did it close?

The restaurant?

Yes.

Closed at 10 o'clock.

And what time is it?

Sunday.

And what time is it now?

It is four o'clock in the morning.

Four in the morning?

Yeah.

Oh, that's terribly late, I suppose.

It's too early for the restaurant.

Have I woken you up?

Sorry?

Have I woken you up?

I am doing something.

Have I disturbed you in any way?

No.

No, no.

Sir?

You don't disturb me.

Good.

Listen.

Listen, sir, I'm up on the third floor, and I desperately, I mean desperately, need to have my room tended to as early as possible.

Could you speak louder, please? I can't hear you.

I need my room on the third floor of the hotel to be tended to as early as possible.

You need your, I'll put you to someone, yeah?

Thank you, that would be wonderful.

Some kids broke into your room, and have jupes screaming in the background.

They hang up on me.

That dude didn't sound very, um, English to me that you were talking to.

No, he didn't sound English to me either.

But listen, we got a name for you.

We want to know if you want to call someone whose name is L.A. Crack.

Oh, I'd love to call them.

Okay, that works out nice.

I'm going to hang up, and Cardew's going to put it through.

Yeah, all right, Drew.

Hang on there.

Yeah.

All right.

Let's watch some American Idol.

Yeah, got to get it on.

Got to find some American Idol to watch.

Gentlemen, return to your hands-ups.

Your current balance will allow you to talk for 1 hour, 30, 1 minute, 50, 7 seconds.

Actual minutes may vary per the terms printed on your card or posters.

Get the shit out, man. Get out of here.

Crack? L.A. crack.

Uh, no.

Well, I need some of that good stuff, if you know what I mean.

So I can sprinkle it on my ice cream like Jimmy's and get high.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Bollocks to you, you Englishman.

I'll come up and take my little glove off and...

Englishman, you fuckhead.

Fuck off.

I'll take my glove off and smack you around with it.

He's Australian, man.

That's like the worst insult.

Englishman, you bugger.

That's what did it for him, too.

So, Englishman.

Englishman.

Okay, yeah, we got one here also.

FG Cox in Ireland.

Oh, just confirmed, just a second, actually.

A sea boner.

in England, or there's F.G. Cox in Ireland.

think C. Boner.

C. Boner it is, for the win.

Okay, all right, so you're hung up already, right?

Okay, and then, all right, hang on, Jupe.

I'm hung up.

If you weren't, now you are.

Okay, hang on, Jupe.

Next sentence.

Actual minutes may vary per the terms printed on your card or posters.

Are you guys there?

Yeah.

Good.

C. Boner.

Hey, is this C. Boner?

Listen to me. Are you the motherfucker who came up to my little brother and sprinkled paint in his eye?

Are you that guy?

You threw paint in my brother's eye.

She must be the wrong number.

I don't have the wrong number. I know it's you.

And I know you're covering up for your lies.

Your filthy little lies.

What have you got to say to that?

You want to get it on?

I'll take, I'll take you and I'll smash your head in with, with a, with, you know, like, I'll smash your fucking head in with my shoe, motherfucker.

I'll throw paint in your eye.

Hey, sea boner, motherfucker, how can you do that to me?

I might as well just come up and hit you with the blunt side of a rake or a broom or whatever you may want to be hit upside the head with.

You threw paint in my brother's eye, and now he's blind in that particular eye.

And it's also a green eye because it was green.

Hey, motherfucker.

How can you just lie like that?

Nobody there.

Hey, boner lady.

Nah.

Now, have yourself a good night.

Oh, we will.

And I'm wishing you...

Goodbye, Jupe.

That was a great set of calls, brother.

That was a great set of calls, Jupe.

Hold up one second, yo.

Yo, dude.

Yo, Jupe, check this out.

You listening?

Check this out.

What that is, man?

Fucking vegetables, man.

Yeah, that's good stuff.

And that was Tube's answer.

Yeah.

We got somebody here requesting a prank call from you.

Here's a fucking request.

Check this out.

That's fucking vegetables, man.

You're eating salad.

Bagged salad.

Trying to finish your bagged salad before you go.

Yeah, because I'm not going to eat that salad.

I'm replenishing my vitamins.

If there's anything I'm not...

That's one thing I got to admit the truth, man.

The whole weekend, I've been eating shit all weekend.

That's true.

A lot of fast food.

A lot of just garbage.

bitch i got out well welcome to america yeah my exposure to american style excess i just keep

reading and eating and so jonathan wants you to call pete smith and he's listening right now and

y'all right now if you have any questions his number is and it's uh it's uh seven i'm kidding

i'm gonna give it out um let's call old boys barbecue will they be open oh no old boys is

closed man it's 11 o'clock on a sunday the hell hell no let me see what else is going to chair

him for you he'll give you an update um uh mike and ty give us a number for a pad or something

like what up caller let me see who it is real quick oh it's a new call i've never seen this

one before i won't take this call fine on the air yeah you crazy fucking bastard what i give you a

call and punch you in the peanut really why would you do that to me what's going on is this on word

what's going on brother this this is this is uh just be disposition oh it's disposition yeah

Yeah.

What's going on, bro?

Yeah, what's up, Disposition?

How you doing, man?

Oh, I'm doing all right.

Just chilling.

I think I'm getting a fucking cold.

Yeah?

I'm looking forward to that.

That's whack.

I'll just, uh, I'll take the vitamin C.

I'll fucking crush it up and smoke it in a glass pipe like crack, you know, if I have to.

There you go.

That's right.

Eat a lot of oranges.

Do that with high dosages of acetaminophen.

That'll kill you.

Acetaminophen?

Tylenol.

That's a fucking, that's a tongue twister, huh?

That Tylenol 3's happening, man.

Oh, that's good stuff right there, though.

Isn't that Cody?

Yeah.

It's good.

Yeah, I'll come up with something.

Yeah.

But anyway, I sent you guys a phone number earlier for a...

I was at AutoZone yesterday, and there was this dude,

this tweaker-looking dude standing there bitching about the price of a...

I recall, yeah.

...of a starter.

Huh?

I said, yeah, I recall reading that.

Yeah, but I just tried to confirm it, and I'm just getting voicemails, so fuck it.

Oh.

Damn.

I guess we'll just have to fuck with someone else.

We'll do it another time.

But he seemed like kind of a high-strung kind of guy,

So I figured, you know, if I called him up and told him that there was a mistake with the pricing or something like that, he'd get real fucking pissed off.

Yeah, it probably would have worked.

It probably would have worked.

You know what?

Why don't you do that through the week and record it and then send it in?

Yeah, yeah, I'll do that.

I actually just got my microphone working so I can actually finally record.

Hell yeah.

All right.

Yeah.

White power.

This position.

One half black, but I'm entitled to both.

You know, I can say black power and white power.

There you go.

You get the best of both worlds right there.

There you go.

So does that make you gray?

I guess so, actually.

Actually, fucking Oreo.

Oh, yeah, that man's great.

We're great, man.

Hey, give us some of that movie voice.

Can you say, like, come in this fall to PCU?

Sean Ward.

Carlito.

I can't really do it right now because my throat's kind of fucked up.

No, that's dope to me.

It is dope, right?

You know, we should do a call like that or something.

Call somebody.

Hello, one man, one desire.

Isn't that awesome?

Let's do it.

Call Andrew Bull and do that.

What's his name?

Andrew Bull.

Right there, the bottom of the list.

We're going to call Andrew Bull.

He lives in Hollywood Avenue in South Wales, Australia.

Andrew Bull.

All right.

All right, cool.

All right, let's do that. Play some music, Sean. Play whatever you want.

I'll pick it for you. You're probably not going to like it.

All right, hang on, Dispo.

All right.

Thanks, bro.

What's your name?

Andrew Bull.

Okay.

Good afternoon, Dr. Citri.

Hello, can I please speak?

Yes, who's speaking?

Uh, yeah.

Are you playing games here?

Am I playing games?

No, I need to speak with Andrew, please.

Um, hang on, I'll see if he's in with someone.

Hold the line.

Decided not to do the moon if I'm like shit.

Yeah, alright.

Scared the shit out of her, that's fine.

He's in with a patient, can I take a message?

Okay, yeah, basically what I need to do is, uh,

I'm in Australia the weekend, the week,

and, uh, I need to come in and get my reflexes checked,

with the with the fucking hammer yep and then my leg will come flying up i'll kick you right in the

ass okay um can we set up something like that do you want to make an appointment for some time

yeah what was your name okay mine is steve yeah miller miller okay and he's here on ones on

wednesdays and fridays um and today so would you join me on wednesday or friday for you to make

an appointment fucking basically what my fucking problem is is i got this i got this funny little

It's kind of like mild fucking Tourette's syndrome, and I can't quit cussing and shit, so can you diagnose something like that?

I got this fucking problem with like fucking mild fucking Tourette's and shit, and I need to get it diagnosed, you know, take some fucking medication to keep me from busting out with these weird outbreaks.

I was wondering if you could diagnose, you know, see what kind of problem I got, see if you can give me some fucking pills and shit.

I'm a receptionist, I can't do that.

You with a goddamn fucking pill, you!

I did that earlier too, I'm sorry.

that's great yeah well we definitely have during the week we gotta we gotta get together and record

some stuff man and do some pranks too man now that you got your microphone set up most definitely

yeah the only problem the only problem i might have with that is actually uh my windows my

mixer the audio devices and shit won't load so i can i can still listen to uh you know through

win app and i can i got sound through half-life and shit and all that yeah but the the mixer

drivers and shit won't load so i don't know depending on the program that we use you know

You know, hopefully I can select what drivers I can use for sound.

Yeah, we got a few options.

We'll work it out.

I'm sorry, that's Carlito business.

It's Sean Ward's tonight.

I'm sorry, I keep forgetting.

Word.

You're on the show, man.

Yeah.

Well, but it's the prank call thing, so.

Yeah.

Hold on, let me turn my phone up real quick.

Are we going to stay on the live here?

All right.

Is your phone on?

Are you sticking around for a minute?

Do you want to stick around and do some more prank calls, or what's going on?

Yeah, you know what?

It's real great.

you guys got that fucking uh 1-800 number because it you know it saves my ass from getting my ass

beat by my grandma at the end of the day there you go well you're welcome so who's gonna call

next i i got an idea for a business actually i'm gonna act like uh customer service uh control

quality or something like that do you want to call a residence then oh i want to i want oh whatever

is good you know i don't want to call a business well the way you're thinking of it do you want to

call a business you don't want to want to call a residence let's call business yeah i think we'll

call a business okay so what about star service station in london england that'll work okay good

Good. We'll do it up, but hang on now.

And then you hang on, and we'll be right back.

Actual minutes may vary per the terms printed on your card or posters.

Okay.

Yeah, hi. The reason why I'm calling today is I've been hired by a customer service control,

and basically what we're doing is we're calling the store to make sure that you guys are answering the phone in a proper manner.

And do you understand what you're supposed to say when you answer the phone?

Sorry again, sir. Can you tell me?

I am customer service quality control, and I've been hired to call and make sure that your customer service skills are up to par.

And I'm just making sure you understand how to answer the phone.

Oh, no, sir.

Sir, I hate to jump in on you like this, sir, but I need to make sure that you understand.

We're calling from the firmness of Lillian Lillian Taylor, and there's an action pending against you.

A colleague here can tell you more.

Okay, and basically, we've had a lot of complaints of you being rude to customers and silly things like that.

Oh, right.

And there's an action pending, sir.

There's an action pending, and we'd like to get this resolved as quickly as possible.

Yeah.

Okay, give me the phone number, please, sir.

Yes, this is the matter that needs to be taken care of tonight, sir.

We're calling from the firmness of Lillian Lillian Taylor, sir.

Yes, sir.

Sir, we're calling from the firmness of Lillian Lillian Taylor.

Yes.

There's an action pending and we'd like to have this matter resolved.

My colleague can tell you more.

Hi, sir.

Hello.

Yeah, this is William Sterling.

We're customer service quality control.

Yes.

And we just wanted to call and make sure that you guys are answering the phone properly

in a friendly manner and your employee got a fairly low score.

Oh, right.

Because I don't know my understanding of this matter because I passed the message to the

manager.

He's come back on the call now.

Well, let me explain it to you, sir. We're calling from the firmness of Lillian Lillian Taylor, and there's an action pending, sir, and we really do need to get this matter resolved as quickly as possible. My colleague can tell you more.

Yo, man, why you so rude, yo? Yo, start service, yo.

I am stop, man.

You have gasoline, yo, petrol?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yo, how much, how much I got put in my Fiat, yo?

No, man, that's, yo, I'm sell the petrol. Yeah, I'm cut some service on the car.

Yeah, you're the kind of guy who'd fill a car with explosives and drive right through a wall, you son of a bitch.

Get out of America.

Get out of America?

Yeah.

Get out of our country.

Get out of our country, you bastard.

This is America, baby.

Land of the free, home of the brave.

My country.

Sir, we're calling from the firmness of Lillian Lillian Taylor.

There's an action pending, sir.

We just need to make sure you're aware of this, because we'd like to get this matter settled as quickly as possible.

Can you give me the phone number, please?

Can you give me the phone number please, can you give me the phone number please?

Sir, come on now.

Can you give me the phone number please?

Is there anybody over there at the store that speaks any English?

No, no, I understand.

Oh, okay, you understand English, right?

It's only England.

So let me carefully explain to you what's going on here.

Do you understand what I'm saying right now?

Yeah, can you slow, slowly, can you...

I'll slow down.

Yeah.

We are from Customer Service Quality Control.

Quality Control, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Right, and we need to inform you that the employee that answered the phone earlier did a horrible job.

He didn't answer the phone in the way that he was supposed to.

He got a low score.

What I need you to do is tell me how you were trained to answer the phone,

and we'll see what kind of score you get.

Do you understand the opening line that you're supposed to say when you first answer the phone?

All right.

You're supposed to say, customer, how can I help you?

You got that?

Yep.

Okay, and another thing I've got to explain to you.

I got a question. What size shoe do you wear?

Mine? Yeah, 10 to 7, sir.

10 to 7?

Okay.

It's not a good idea.

Okay. Do you wear glasses?

License.

Yeah, yeah, uh-huh.

What license, sir? There's no license.

Right, right. So is it stuck in your ass?

License, yes, sir.

It's stuck in your ass, right?

Assalamualaikum.

Waalaikumussalam.

Every time, baby.

Right. So anyway, what size shoe do you wear?

Sir, I just need to make you aware, sir.

I hate to jump in like this.

License something.

I don't understand.

License.

What do you like?

No, sir, I hate to jump in like this, but I just need to make sure that you're aware.

We're calling from the firmness of Lillian Lillian Taylor,

and we just need to make you aware, sir, that there's an action pending,

and we'd really like to have this matter solved as quickly as possible.

This is Petrol Station, my colleague can tell you more.

Petrol.

Yeah, that's Petrol Station.

Right, right, and do you know why I'm calling?

This is a petrol station, my friend, this is a petrol station, yeah?

Excuse me?

This is a petrol station, yeah, it needs some time, you know.

Yeah, yeah, fuck you, bitch.

You're drunk, that's all right, that's all right.

Steven?

Steven, now.

Can you help me?

Now there's an American there.

You're in America.

What'd you say about America?

Yeah, America.

America what?

America good?

Yeah, it's good.

America good, my friend?

Yeah, it's good, man.

George, are we both good, my friend?

Yeah, my friend.

Okay, man, my friend.

Assalamualaikum.

I am not Muslim, my friend.

Oh, what are you?

I am not Muslim.

Latino?

Yes.

You said Salaam-I-Alaikum back.

You asked me, Salaam-Alaikum.

Uh-huh.

And how you say it, oh.

Yeah.

Oh, thank you.

You said it all Hindu-like.

Yeah.

I am Hindu, right.

Yeah.

You are a Hindu?

Yeah.

Really?

So you understand that there's an action pending, sir?

Any more information.

I gave you the telephone number.

Sir, we are calling from the firmness of Lillian Lillian Taylor.

And you understand that there's an action pending, yes?

You're calling back after I give you the telephone number?

Yeah, we're calling back from our call earlier this week.

That's right.

We are calling back right now.

No, man, we don't sell.

Yeah, I'm calling you back right now.

Sir, I'm calling you back right now.

Sir!

You all right?

Sir!

I'm calling one over.

Another one over, yeah?

Yeah, sir.

The firmness of Lillian what?

The firmness.

That was good.

The firmness of Lillian Lillian Taylor.

Yeah, so I came up with that one on Thursday.

That was great.

The firmness.

That's damn near a classic.

Yeah.

The firmness, that's a good one.

I was saying, it's not quite the firm yet.

It's just, it's got a little firmness to it.

It's not quite a firm yet.

Did I hear that guy say something about salami in his ass or something like that?

He was singing salami.

I don't know what the fuck that is.

I don't think so.

Yeah.

And he lied and spoke English, but, you know, that's a bold-faced lie.

He just didn't want to work, lazy bastard.

Yeah.

We need to do some more shit.

We need to call and ask for Steven.

That's what we got to do.

Okay.

Okay. Well, we got a constant request keeps coming in for us to call this dude, Pete Smith.

Let's call him up.

Who works at the Bay District School Transportation. I have no idea where that is.

We're going to do that.

At this point, are you going to stand with us or are you going to listen?

Yes, you're all standing.

All right, cool.

Sean, you want to do that or are you going to try to see if we got something else from Lonesome?

Well, let's do this one we were just looking at.

Okay, let's do it. Yeah, that's someone who's asking for it.

All right, cool.

Please defend.

Yes, we shall.

Ten seconds.

Actual minutes may vary for the trend you choose on your card or poster.

The next Delta you are trying to reach is currently unavailable.

Please try to call again later.

DF-0103

John, you alright? You getting tired?

Okay, and we're back.

What happened?

This position's still on.

We're on the line.

You're on the line. You're on the phone line, yeah.

Okay, um, shall we try another one?

Yeah.

Your call.

Yeah, why the hell not?

Yeah, let's do, uh, Oregon Flowers.

I don't like that one.

Okay.

Let's see if we got anything else.

I don't think we have anything else.

Well, let's go over to Varsity.

Let me check.

Hang on.

You relax.

We're good.

Oh, here we got a few from Madman.

His stuff is always funny.

Okay.

Let's go.

He knows some freak-ass people.

On the Chicagoland area, they got American Taxi Dispatch.

Oh, a bunch of taxi numbers.

Taxi companies, apparently.

Cool.

And we can hit.

Other than that.

Okay.

And then we also got some here, but these came in a long time ago.

These came in 11...

Well, no.

$2,200.

That's 10.

10. Like about an hour ago. Almost an hour ago.

Call it up. And then Los and Losers

just confirmed Tool O-Tac in

Australia also. I have no idea what that would be.

Let's do one of them. Keep answering.

We got this. We got this. Well, you're shot.

Give me something. Well, let's do one in North America.

Lansing, Michigan. Lansing,

Michigan. I need a coat. I need a coat.

Tay. Alright. Hang on, Dispo.

Sean Ward, hang up. I hang up here.

I hang up here.

I'll be gone till November

The girl you watch

Will gone till November

What up?

Sure

Hi, I'm Paul speaking

I think I'll never remember

That didn't work

This business, you still there?

We'll let you go

Sean, you wanna keep

You wanna stay on here?

Alright, this was

Hey, have a good night, man

Thanks

Sean Warts, say goodbye

Oh, what up, man?

It's been so long, man

Thanks for calling in, bro

Hey, good talking to you

For the first time and shit

Yeah, that was fly, man

We'll talk to you some more

Tune in next time, bro

Hell yeah

Hey, how long are you guys

Gonna be doing the show for tonight?

No telling

It could be a little bit

It could be a lot

You guys back a little.

We're still on past 12.

Give us a call back.

Call.

You know what I mean?

Sean, you want me to set you up with a call first?

You just want to talk?

Well, you know what?

If you're going to go make a phone call, I'm kind of thinking it's time to draw the shit to a close.

Okay.

Good.

Not good.

I'm saying all right, but I understand.

Well, good in terms of, you know, we hit them with something nice and we gave them what they want.

We had a great show tonight.

Yeah, we had a great show.

All good things must come to an end.

Yeah.

But I'm beat.

You forget I've been on my feet for the whole weekend.

Oh, yeah.

That's right.

Fucking trying to sell comic books to people.

Yeah.

And, yeah, so we're going to bring the show to a close right now a little sooner than we might have thought.

But all good things come and all good things return.

That's right.

And so we'll be returning to you.

Well, first I want to say thank you, first and foremost, to my co-host, Carlito.

Hey.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

For all that you've done for me this weekend.

This man has been the most gracious host that I could ever have even imagined.

That was an honor.

This man is a fucking cool cat.

It's an honor.

If not, I would have been, like I told you before, I would have been here by myself just probably crying.

With your thumb up your ass.

Going, what now?

But I came down and livened the shit up.

And I like that you dug, like, the sites last night of Orlando, the whole touristy thing.

I think you.

Oh, I loved it.

Yeah, all that fucking city walk shit, all that touristy shit.

I just got right into it.

Yes, sir.

It just made me want to throw my money all over the place.

That's what it does.

That's what it does indeed.

Who's that calling in?

I don't know.

You want to take it?

Yeah, take the call.

I was like 10 seconds away from turning off the toll-free line.

Hang on.

We'll take this just this last one.

We'll say what's up.

What?

Hold up.

That's it, then.

We put the brakes and everything for you, and you...

No, I'm sorry.

That's cool.

Thank you.

Call us tomorrow, Thursday, or whatever, something like that.

Yeah, so you got tonight is Sunday night, and tomorrow you got...

Who comes out on Monday?

Nobody.

Nobody comes out on Monday.

Billy Mira is too good for us now.

What?

He gets some serious stuff.

I ain't even heard him shit anyway, and Billy Mira my ass.

Whatever.

So Billy Mira ain't doing a show on Mondays

But you know who we got Tuesday

That's when K-Bone is moving his shit to Tuesday

Yes

He's gonna fucking knock it out on Tuesday

And KDK back in the saddle on Wednesday

To talk and talk and talk

Some psychobabble at your ass

Takes us to Thursday

And we got the man sitting right beside me

Running his shit in the madhouse with Carlito

And then Friday

Zolar knocks it out

Who comes out before Zolar? Dr. Lego right?

Something like that yeah

Dr. Lego, Mental Discrepancies comes on.

Dr. Lego comes on when he wants.

He'll come on on Tuesday sometimes.

He'll come on on Tuesday.

Well, yeah, he's just throughout the shit.

And then it's Ola's Friday night.

KDK's flagship, KD, fucking PCU's flagship show.

Ludicrous.

Yeah, Ludicrous Fringe on Saturday night, 10 o'clock.

And tonight's Sunday with Sean Ward's Peanut Punch,

which is on irregularly on Sunday nights here on PCU Prank on Underground Radio.

So on behalf of Carlito and myself, I'd like to thank you all for tuning in.

I'd like to thank you all for being so beautiful

and we'll be chatting with you

again real soon here live

on the internet radio

so please always

remember our time together

and look back not with a tear

but with a smile

I'll find something here for you

I was just talking over the music as I was doing

I was trailing off into the sunset

let's trail off on this

this is a little more cooler beat

yeah bye

Bye.

We'll trail off into the sunset over this here beat.

Say goodbye for another week.

Bye, bitches.

Breaking it down on the telephone lines.

Making the listeners feel so fine.

Do you ever get that itch, like, right above your ass sometimes?

Like, between your ass?

No.

Like, really bad?

Like, you can't get to it?

No.

Nah, I don't got that.

Good.

And always remember the times.

The good times.

Never give up on the good times.

Living it up is a state of mind.

That's a quote from the Spice Girls.

Never give up on the good times.

Yeah.

Good night, everybody.

Sean Wards Peanut Punch Radio LIVE from Orlando

Calls (25, 1 h 16 min of 2 h 32 min)

Transcript

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