2006-02-16 Show

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Today is today.

He decides to announce his ability.

The law sees man.

They'll knock him off.

We're at the Republic.

My friend, this could be the best thing that ever happened.

Those who believe life here began out there, across the universe.

Tribes of humans who may have been the forefathers of the Egyptians, Baltecs, or the Mayans.

They may have been the architects of the great pyramids, lost civilizations of Lemuria or Atlantis.

Some believe that there may yet be brothers of man who even now fight to survive somewhere beyond the heavens.

There will be no order, only chaos.

That being said, grab a blunt, take a big hit, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

This is an exclusive of PCU Radio and MadhouseLive.com.

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we are go network go from real real chris i take this today first of all um when you shut the hell

once you shut the hell up fuck you fuck you but maybe he's only a little crazy like painters or

composers or or some of those men in washington you are you speak english i say mother mother

fucker go ahead mother bitch mother fucker you you bitch don't never punch in the mouth

Hey, good evening.

I say to you, ladies and gentlemen.

Mostly gentlemen, of course.

It's Thursday, February the 16th.

It's 10 p.m. Eastern.

And that means madhouse.

Right, Milkman?

Yeah, man.

Milkman, I know you're there, bitch.

Milkman was there just a second ago.

Now he's not paying attention.

Well, damn it, man.

After all that waiting.

Well, it's about goddamn time.

What were you doing over there, man?

What's up, man?

I got a headache.

I left something in here, man.

Don't call all this number again.

Pascuale.

Pascuale, yo mama, bro.

I got to play that tonight, man.

I got to play that prank call again.

That is a modern classic, dude.

That is still probably one of my all-time favorite Carlito pranks ever.

Oh, man, and that was the first Madhouse call ever,

and it was just like, that was like if the Madhouse was a brand-new

expansion league in Major League Baseball,

and the very first pitch was like a fucking home run, like bam.

You know what I mean?

Right out the park.

It was right at Grand Slam, right out from the opening, man, right?

Home run, good shot.

The first fucking pitch of the team, just fucking Sammy Sosa

just hit that out of the park.

This is my song, too.

This is my jam.

Johnny was a good man.

I love this song, man.

Great song.

Anyway, so yeah, man.

How you doing, Milkman?

Oh, God.

I'll tell you what, man.

I'm happy to be here, but my chest isn't feeling it, man.

I'm telling you.

I've been really feeling sick again.

Yeah.

I had this damn bronchitis.

It was clearly before Christmas, okay?

And shit come back now for the third time, man.

And it's just miserable, man.

So I apologize.

I'm not up to my normal self.

It's okay.

I just don't got the strength to do it tonight.

I know.

But I'm going to.

Well, I'm the same.

I'm going to definitely be on here, and I'm going to definitely hang out as long as I can take it.

Yeah, well, I'm the same way.

As a matter of fact, I'm not feeling very well myself.

I have a huge, horrible, horrendous headache.

So I'm not going to do much of a live show.

We're going to talk a little bit here, just say hi to everybody who's listening,

in and give you all some information, and then we're going to replay a show that I know

you didn't even listen to.

You didn't get a chance to listen to it, so now you get to listen to the song.

I've been laying in bed sick, dude, every time you get to go on and have some fun, man.

I'm, like, knocked out on the medication.

I'm sleeping.

All right, well, try to speak up a little bit.

It's hard to hear you.

If you can speak up.

Okay, sorry about that.

No, that's fine.

No, you're sick.

I'll talk right through it.

There we go.

Excellent.

Perfect.

Perfect one there.

sick man and whenever you're going on during the days and stuff it's hard i just uh i'm asleep man

i i'm not awake man i'm not able to function that's not a medication yeah it makes me really

sleepy man that's fine man you gotta do what you gotta do but um you know we're here now everybody

don't panic it's i'm gonna be replaying a previous show but we're gonna do a few get some things out

of the way first before we do that um so yeah let's give out the the home page for the mad

Madhouse, that's madhouselive.com.

Again, that's madhouselive.com.

Milkman is milkman.com.

No, I'm kidding you.

Milkman, you should get that.

If it's not out there, you should get milkman.com for yourself.

That would be awesome.

Somebody fucking got it, dude.

I'm sure.

I'd have to use my other nickname, milkman82.

Milkmanstaint82.org or something.

I don't know.

You have to do something.

Some chumps got it, too, man.

It's like jokey-ass shit, too.

Really, probably they realized the fame that the man was in and went ahead and took the damn domain.

They're squatting on it because they know the legend that is the Milkman.

I think so.

It's an organized assault.

So just to let you all know, I'm not going to do much of a live show.

We're going to do a few minutes here.

We're going to give some shout-outs.

I already explained this, but I asked around.

I let KDK know the situation.

He's okay with it.

And I, you know, if he wants to go on, I know he did a show last night, and he might not want to do a show tonight.

He's probably busy, but if, you know, if Keith Cabone wants to do a show, or if I talked to Joop,

and Joop said he wouldn't be able to stay on until after 11, so that wouldn't work out.

That'd just be an hour, so I tried to get a sub for you guys, but it didn't work out.

But if you want to reach me here, you can email me at madhouseradio at gmail.com.

Again, that's madhouseradio at gmail.com.

Oh, yeah, big news, Milkman.

We are being simulcast today on our first member of the Madhouse Network.

And I don't think I ever got to tell you about this.

We have, I hope I don't get this wrong.

I apologize to the gentleman if I do.

Radio Bum, Radio Bum Internet Radio is broadcasting us live tonight for the first time.

And they broadcast in 64K stereo.

They actually have two stations they run.

And I believe they do a music station and a comedy station, one of which is unnamed.

So I do know Radio Bum is tuning in, and I guess they're going to be carrying us live.

They're picking up our show, so that's great.

Damn, son.

All right, man.

That's good.

Another monumental milestone in my house history.

I wish I could do a really good manhouse show, but like I said, I just don't have it in me.

I'm in a lot of pain.

I can't even raise my voice well.

It's all right, man.

You do your show, and you've been doing some extra shows, man.

You know, and it's not a pain in the bell, man.

At least you got the balls to come on here and greet everybody, you know.

Exactly.

And give everybody a high five, man, because everybody loves you, man.

Exactly. I love everybody out there for listening.

But what we're going to play tonight is going to be a replay of the daytime show I did on Friday

that went almost four hours long.

I heard it was like freaking nuts.

You said it was a great show.

Yeah, it was.

We'll listen tonight. I'm going to be listening to it myself.

I might jump in for some commentary afterwards.

But I am going to do...

Look, guys, I'm going to do a live prank call tonight, though.

Jane Afarious, as a personal favor, Jane Afarious, good people.

I love him

He's asking me to call some some lady named gyp-

Some lady named Beth who's accusing him of stealing her peach face love bird named gypsy and is keeping it in the garage

Whatever. She's some crazy bitch. So we have to call her. I can't let this one go

He's been he sent me this information earlier the week and I had I promised him I'm gonna do this call

So we'll do that one live. We're gonna do one live call. Yeah, we're gonna do the one live call now

Now, the replay we're going to play today has a lot of good prank calls and a lot of good stuff.

I know Dedede's mom, if you are a listener of PCU, you'll know who Dedede is.

Well, you get to hear her mom for the first time on PCU.

That'll be on the best of tonight.

I also have...

I'm his mom.

Okay, this is a funny-ass call.

I heard about this one.

Yeah, she was drunk.

People were talking about it for hours, man.

Exactly.

We also have Dr. Lego.

He called in last week to do his return at PCU.

I don't know when he's coming back, but I don't know if he'll be on tomorrow, but he'll be back.

No, I talked to him, okay?

You know, by the way, I did talk to him.

Oh, you did?

You talked to Lego?

On the telephone.

I called him up and, you know, just giving him a hello and stuff.

Actually, tonight I was feeling good, and he's been busy with that server.

You know, he owns, like, a big internet servering company, and he's been having, like, left and right issues with that.

and uh you know and somebody wants to get a good job you know and there's a you know knows how to

be with webpages and stuff you ought to contact lego because you could use some help man okay

and he's been doing a lot he's been doing a lot of um music too on this on the side you know it's

fun to blow off but yeah he's not blowing us off he's just been really busy with his with his

business yeah he's busy with the real world stuff and that's understandable exactly yeah so no yeah

Yeah, so Lego will return, but we'll get to hear him talking six days ago.

He was on the Madhouse 420 show, so you'll get to hear that coming up next.

And we have a ton of prank calls.

We had this lady, this chick named Nikki that Estimated Profit sent me over to prank call

who wants to be in the real world, and we messed with her with that.

That'll be on tonight also.

So be sure to catch it.

Like I said, it's almost four hours worth of prank calls and talk and comedy.

classic madhouse stuff one of the best episodes i think i've ever done and most of the nighttime

crowd wasn't here for it so it's your chance to hear it if you missed it so be sure to hear it

and like i said i'll have a prank call next now a few more announcements if you guys even care

about my life i got a job today so i am now back in the world of the employed so congratulations

to carlito carlito's got a job baby what's up man now it's all contingent on me um it's contingent

on me passing a drug test which i'm i'm scared about now milkman i've talked to you yeah you've

tested out quite a few drugs before i don't think you'll have any problem with testing on any drugs

will you no no no no no i've no no not like that the other way around they're gonna they're gonna

be they're gonna be testing my urine for for for in specific it's gonna be thc also known as

mary jane which as you know i smoke a bit too much of so it's gonna be nail biting for sure

but I'll be drinking. Milkman, you had me

on your plan. You know, here's what I've consulted

with you. I've consulted with

you, Milkman. I've consulted with Zolar. I've

consulted with my weed dealer. I've

consulted with two of my pothead

friends, and I've consulted with

Normal, and I've consulted High Times

Magazine. So I think out of all that, I think

I'll be able to pass the test.

So, we'll see how that happens.

Yeah, so, yeah.

Our best wish is definitely

everybody wants

Mr. Carlito to go back and get

his job and come back with a big

smiling funny ass show

so we know you'll be fine

exactly

well that also leads to my next

announcement which I guess will be the next

and the last of the Madhouse

420 afternoon daytime shows

will be tomorrow as long as I'm

feeling well as long as I don't have this headache

and I feel better then I'll try to do an afternoon

show milkman if you can make it for that or are you going to be

busy? I'm going to make it

dude I will just

roll up my wheelchair

chair right here and i'll just sit here on my bedpan and i'll be on the air with you no matter

what okay good deal so tomorrow 3 p.m eastern will be the last uh the final episode of madhouse 420

a great experience i had a great time with it but i guess all good things must come to them because

i need money i need to work you gotta work man you know and it's it's the thing that you know

you can you've learned and you and you've gotten out in the magic hat and you know come be on

on a time when you've got an extra

day or a few hours, man.

You may be able to bust a show out

and you never know what kind of audience you've got already, too.

It's been a good learning experience

for you, definitely.

Well, hey, if I don't pass the jerk this one,

I guess I'll be back for

another daytime show.

Let's hope that doesn't happen.

Yeah, for the 420 shows

that you may not be able to do

for a while.

We want you to get a job.

If I get a day off or something, or a holiday,

Maybe I'll hook you guys up with a daytime show.

But it was all about the people at work.

And I'll tell you what, I had a great response.

People at work went crazy over it.

I got tons of emails from people while they were listening at work

thanking me for doing a live show and cracking them up at work

and sending me numbers to their wives and to their coworkers

and to their brothers and stuff like that.

So it was a great experience.

But hopefully someone else in the future may be able to take that over.

I wish I could, but I got to get a job.

you know you know and i gotta work i gotta work yeah i gotta move on i gotta move on so i got you

gotta do that bills yeah i gotta pay the bills gotta take care of what's important um so let me

go ahead and uh try to get this prank call out of the way here for jana farius this is beth

the crazy bitch in california who thinks that someone has stole her peach face lovebird and

see if this works let's see if i can get this to go go off well um we'll be right back with the uh

the first and, I guess, only prank call of the night.

Live one, that is.

But, like I said, stay tuned.

We'll have plenty of good prank calls from just six days ago.

Hang on, folks.

It's now 10-15 Eastern.

You're listening to The Madhouse.

All right.

English, press 1.

Your balance is $1.

And you have 131 minutes.

Hello?

Yes, ma'am.

Speak with Beth, please.

This is she speaking.

Beth, how much do you value that beautiful lovebird of yours?

Which one?

I've got five of them.

Gypsy.

Oh, you mean the one that's lost?

Yeah.

He looks mighty tasty.

Well, I put an ad in, you know, for $500, but nothing ever happened.

Wow.

I've gone to see several lust birds, and I ended up adopting a couple of them.

Well, do you want Gypsy back?

What else are you?

Do you want Gypsy back?

Pardon me?

Do you want Gypsy back?

Because I'll tell you what, I'm mighty hungry.

He looks very tasty.

Oh, what else are you located?

I'm here in Brentwood.

He flew into my garage, and I've been feeding him beans all for, like, the last few days.

And my friend told me...

How long...

Wait a moment.

Let me take my earring off.

Your earrings.

How long ago did you find her or have her?

Uh, four days now.

He flew into your garage?

Yeah, four days now.

She looks mighty tasty.

Well, where is she now?

She's safe.

She's definitely...

Well, my group's been missing since the end of October.

Exactly.

But she's safe.

She's safe.

Don't worry about it. She's safe, but, um, how much do you value...

She's safe?

She's safe for now.

She's safe?

For now.

Can you describe her to me?

She's one of these peach-faced lovebirds, and she sings and everything, and, you know, she's been asking about you.

I'm ready to give her up, but $500 isn't going to cut it there, Beth.

No, I'm sorry, but I can't pay more than that.

Well, how about if I told you I wasn't...

Can you tell me something? Does she have any special markings?

What?

Does the bird that you have have any special mark on her?

There's a disability that has a special mark on it?

What?

Look, I'm not interested in...

Does she have any special markings?

Yes, but I'm not interested in your money, if you know what I mean.

I hope you're treating her okay, because all birds are precious.

Well, I got mad at her the other day, and I gave her a few wraps on the head with my sugar cane.

Quieted her down for a good day, but she came out of it.

She yells...

That's pretty mean.

She sings too much, you know.

I put her in a pillowcase and I just shook her around for a while, too.

That gets her calmed down sometimes.

You sound like you're kind of a mean person.

No, I like it, but I don't like my birds to respect my authority in my house, you know.

How many birds do you have?

We got about 29 in here, free-roaming birds.

Where do you live?

Here in Brentwood.

Well, whereabouts in Brentwood?

I don't need to tell you that. I just need to tell you.

If you want your bird back, you better start beating it.

How do I know it's my bird?

Because it says right...

I'd have to see it before I'd know if it was my bird.

Well, I'm not going to let you see it so you can try to steal it, you lying bitch.

I don't steal it. I'm an honest person.

I don't think so.

And I'll tell you something. I would never abuse any bird.

Well, that's not what I heard.

I heard that this bird...

From my conversation with the bird, supposedly you tried to hurt the bird and Gypsy flew away.

Never, never, never, never.

Well, that's not what Gypsy's saying.

Gypsy's saying she ran away because she wasn't happy.

She wasn't happy and she was looking for a new master.

How long have you had your birds?

My birds? I've been raising birds since I was born.

I was born back in odd eight, so there it is.

Well, it sounds to me like you've got kind of a mean streak if you abuse any bird for any reason.

I haven't been mean to you at all on the phone.

Where are you getting this? See, this is exactly what Gypsy...

I'm talking about being mean to the birds.

No, this is exactly what Gypsy was telling me about your attitude.

That's why she had to run away.

Oh, come on.

She flew away.

She wanted a taste of freedom.

You know, I laid her down in the bed next to me the other night, me and the bird together.

We got to know each other really well.

If you want to bring her over to my house and show her to me, I will tell you if it's my bird or not.

Well, how about I bring her over and put her in my mouth and chew her up in front of you?

Will you be able to tell then?

You know, I had another crazy guy call me a week ago.

Yeah.

And he said a bird made too much noise and he twisted its head off.

And he told me what a good Christian he was.

That had to be Zolar.

He does that crazy shit all the time.

I don't know who Zolar is.

Zolar, he's this guy, he abuses birds all the time, man.

Well, he should be put in a mental institution.

Well, I'll let you know what he did.

He came over once, he wanted to buy one of my birds.

I have these, you know, these cockatoos over here, and I caught them trying to molest one of the birds,

and I gave them a whooping with an iron right here in front of all the birds,

and they all took turns pecking at them.

They pecked at them and pecked at them.

Well, if you want to bring your bird in the cage, the left bird over, and show it to me.

I'll show you where I am, tell you where I am.

You got to, you're making...

That's my bird. I would pay you for it.

You're making a lot of requests and demands for a woman who doesn't have any birds.

I've got a lot of birds. I've got five lovebirds, a canary, and three pigeons.

I think you're lying, ma'am. You don't sound like an honest bird owner to me.

Well, if you want to talk sense, call me back, okay?

Why don't you let me hear your birds, if it's true. And then I'll bring Gypsy over.

If you have birds, why aren't they chirping? You must be lying.

Lady, I'm on Sand Creek Road. Crazy bitch.

Goddamn birds. That's it. That was that.

I want some birdseed, man.

man bird seeds great when you have bird seeds great when you eat it so that was that was pretty

cool that was pretty cool um yeah real quick in a little cage over top of a boiling pot of water

yeah exactly well yeah let me let me clear something up because i think shit yeah has

the wrong idea in the chat room i'm not this is not my last madhouse nighttime show i'm not

not gonna quit there i'm planning on it yay i wish it was no i'm kidding this is tomorrow will

be the last daytime show okay exactly the last the last three p.m don't mind me i was just really

high man they called me shit so it's all right no no no shit yeah shit yeah in in australia

you probably didn't understand because of my my american hispanic accent because you know i

mean you talking hippie and shit exactly but no this is not this is not my last madhouse

Tomorrow will be the last daytime show.

Like I said, it was fun, but that's it.

I've got to go to work again.

You've got to pay the bills.

You've got to pay the bills, exactly.

So that was a great call.

Thank you for listening to that, everybody.

Thank you, Jane F., Jane Afarious, in the chat room and on AOL.

PCU regular, thank you very much for sending that in.

That was interesting.

You know there had to be Zolar who did that call about twisting his neck.

Either that or James Afarious himself.

I have a feeling maybe he'd pass it on.

It has to be somebody.

Cool, cool, cool.

So that's that.

Yeah, I see Lonesome Loser sending me information.

I guess Zolar was showing him about passing a drug test.

Okay, got it.

Cleartest.com.

I'll have to check that out.

He says, golden seal root, which I've been doing, drinking water.

I've been doing vinegar.

I will do that over the weekend.

I had to buy some vinegar to lower my pH in my urine.

Dude, you want to do that just before you got the day of the test, man.

You don't want to do that shit like days in advance because, man, that stuff will wreck your body, man.

Yeah.

I'm telling you.

Oh, man.

See, the thing is I—

You don't want to do that until the very last act.

Well, the whole thing, that helps me out because if I dilute my urine with water, it'll make me have to go in and do another test.

But if I do the vinegar, then it makes it look like really clear urines or whatever.

Long story.

yeah just like you want to do that before the test but i like you know yeah do it a couple

times before and during the days before you want to just do it immediately for the test yeah and

again the dead is asking me why i'm leaving pcu i say again i'm not leaving pcu i'm here to stay

for the foreseeable future um i love pcu and i love everybody on here i love kdk in a non-gay

sexual way and everybody else i'm just not doing a daytime show anymore because i have a job again

that's all that's all okay folks um so don't worry don't panic damn it guys you guys just

freak out the drop of a hat he said what yeah guys i'll tell you we got some drama queens in

here yeah already spreading the rumors that's all right yeah man every thursday look out yeah well

let me give a thanks to everybody real quick who's in the chat room who showed up i'm gonna stay in

the chat room um but i can't do a show like i said i'm in a lot of pain that right there kind

I was halfway into it, and I was like, oh, God, I just can't.

My head is just pounding.

It feels like an elephant sitting on my head right now.

Yeah, but Milkman, I hope you start feeling better.

I do, too.

Now is your time to give your shout-outs here before we do the replay.

And like I said, keep tuned in.

If I'm still up for it, I might come back and maybe do another call or two

if I get some more numbers after.

But this is like, wow, it's like three and a half hours long,

this show that I'm going to be playing.

So you guys have plenty to work with.

If you didn't hear before, listen, because, like I said, tons of prank calls and stuff.

I've heard it was a ball-buster show.

Yeah, even Reclute.

Reclute calls, right in the beginning, Reclute calls and hooks us up with a prank call.

So even then, even still, you've got to listen.

You've got to listen.

Reclute MIA again, or AWL.

I haven't watched, but it was great, man.

He's probably getting high and making music.

No way, not Reclute.

All right, so real quick, let me give the words.

We're here every Thursday night at 10 p.m. Eastern.

you can catch us here on PCU

and I guess also Radio Bum is carrying us for the first time

like I said welcome

and I extend the invitation to anybody out there

who might be listening who has their own station

or knows someone who does

you can email me at

simulcast at madhouselive.com

again that's simulcast

at madhouselive.com

and visit the home page

at madhouselive.com

also

KDK as in kill death kill

KDKprankcalls.com

is the homepage for

PCU Radio, and soon to come, I

overheard KDK

mentioning that PCURadio.com

will be back in our hands pretty soon,

in a month or so, so that's good news

right there. That'll be great to have that

back, it'll be a lot easier than me having to say

kill, death, kill, prank call, you know what I mean,

it'll be great.

About time, man. About time, about time

we got that back, so congratulations to KDK.

Tomorrow night,

you may or may not be able to hear Lego

he's normally on, I guess not normally

but if he's up back in operation he'll be back

for his 8 o'clock

8pm Eastern show

Mental Discrepancies, if not I'm sure that

Zolar will be here, he does a great show

10pm Eastern, the ever controversial

Zolar Vision, 10pm Eastern

Zolar is from the Howard Stern

show and he does a great call

he does great calls and a great show

Saturday night

I guess at 8 o'clock we'll have the

The return of Joop.

I spoke to him earlier.

Joop is doing, what's the name of his show going to be?

Shit, I forget now.

Dag damn it.

What's Joop's show going to be?

Retard Night.

That's right.

He talked to me.

He said he's got a bunch of people that are going to be joining him for his show.

So that's going to be 8 p.m. Eastern this week on Saturday.

The return of Joop and the Monkey Phone Kids.

The Retard Night comes back from 8 to 10.

And then after that at 10 o'clock, KDK's Lunatic Fringe, 10 p.m. Eastern.

So be sure to catch that, Milkman.

You were going to say something, or did I cut you off?

Yeah, no, I was just going to say, man, I saw that in the forums in the poll

when I went and voted for it, and I'd like to hear them come back.

They were funny as hell, man.

These guys are hilarious, and the old Jeep voice has changed.

So it's definitely going to be edgier than ever.

Yeah, well, I'm looking forward to it.

It's going to be great.

I'll be here Saturday for sure to catch that.

Oh, no, I won't.

Damn it, I'm going to miss it, man.

I've got to be somewhere.

I'll rip it for you, man.

You rip it for me, and I'll catch it.

Damn, I'm going to miss KDK, too, Saturday.

I'm going to be busy with my parents Saturday all night.

Well, you better take care of Mom, or Mom's going to beat your door down.

She's going to beat my dad.

She's been helping me out during my unemployment.

There you go.

Sunday nights at 9 p.m. Eastern is Sean Ward, the Sean Ward show.

Am I right?

No.

Sean Ward's Peanut Punch Radio.

Peanut Punch Radio.

Oh, that's 9 p.m. Eastern on Sunday nights.

Then Monday night, Hunter, Hunter's talk show starts at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Yeah, a lot of comments on that.

A lot of people talk shit about Hunter.

I didn't catch his last show, but I hear a lot of people telling me that.

Give him some time, guys.

I mean, he's making an effort.

Yeah, he's just a new guy.

I think maybe he ran into a dry streak or a technical difficulty.

Yeah, God knows I've had that.

some more blues or something.

He'll be alright. God knows we've had him here

in this show, so stay tuned.

Give him your support.

Keep listening, and I'm sure he'll break out

of it. Tuesday nights,

K-Bone is on

for his show as well.

K-Bone's crazy talk. That's right. K-Bone's

crazy talk, Tuesday nights at

I guess he starts at 10 p.m. Eastern.

And then Wednesday nights is the

non-prank call. You know which people understand?

KDK's Wednesday night show is a

non-prank call show.

show and that's the only show that's the only show that's on our roster officially is non-prank

exactly and there's and you know what there's nothing wrong with that there is nothing wrong

because comedy is comedy you know what i mean i think we need a break from it and even if it's

just kdk reflecting on on the last week of pranks and on the show and stuff like that

let the man do what he wants to do it's his network and if he doesn't want to do prank calls

and we just want to come on here and talk and be funny make people laugh you know for god's sake

People be nice to him.

Come on now.

It's a good idea, too, because the show really, if you really are really in tune and you're

paying attention to what's going on with PCU, it's a party show.

It is.

It's a show that he likes to break out in some drinks, do some shots, maybe smoke a

little bit, have the cats get him high or something.

Not me.

It's about partying and having fun.

Calls are optional.

If he's in a good mood, he may call.

It's going to be like a week or two until I can smoke again if I do, so blah.

Yeah, it's not a bad thing.

Maybe that's why I don't feel good tonight, but, yeah.

It is.

It'll be like that, dude, for a little bit, man.

It'll give you a headache.

You're exactly right because, you know, you're cleaning out, man.

So it's like a big change chemically for you, but you'll be all right, dude.

I've been clean for, like, almost 13 years now.

So, you know, that was probably worse off than all you guys put together, dude.

Uh-huh, yeah.

So you can do it, man.

You'll do fine, man.

Exactly.

And it's worth it to have a job in the future and some security.

to you and the woman there

got a good future together

and you're doing the right thing

so that's that

so yeah there's a live show here every night

and if it's not a live show

then there's recorded prank calls

the best in internet prank calls

like I said before be sure to check out

madhouselive.com, fartsteam.com

which is the sister site for KDK

prankcalls.com

I understand that KDK has a lot of new additions

to the online store, a lot of new shirts

and items like that so be sure to check

Take those out, throw him some dough, and keep us going.

A big thank you to KDK, of course, for having me and Milkman and Andy when he's in.

Of course, yeah, a big shout-out to Andy.

He's not here tonight, but a big shout-out to him.

Yay, Andy.

Milkman, thank you.

And who else?

Milkman, run down your litany of thanks before I start the replay here.

All right, man.

I just give out my big shout-out here, man.

Thanks so much, Madman, to give us this boxing ring here.

Having a nice chat room where we can smack each other around

and have a laugh and come out smiling.

Dr. Legge who gives us our voice

in the stream time here and all this

wonderful

time and all in our new

show and whoever might be

joining in on the new stream, welcome

to you and we definitely look forward

to hearing from you. Come and see us in our

chat room and you

can check that out on www.

katykprankcalls.com

hit the chat button or hit our Madhouse

live site and check

that out man. Also a big thanks

to Katie K, our

Our wonderful, benevolent sponsor, the man with the vision and the insight to realize that KDK Prank Calls would one day be the bright beacon that it is on the Internet, man.

This is like the prank call place and one of the funniest, fastest-moving comedy spots you can go, man.

Thank you so much, KDK, for giving us the honor to be on the air with you.

Most definitely.

And my girl, Ellie, one quick shout-out to you, girl.

I hope you're doing fine.

She's doing fine.

And I'm feeling rough, but I love you.

and thanks so much

and peace to you

to all of you

it's what it's all about

you guys

are why we do this

and

we love y'all

man

thanks so much

thank you for everybody

in the chat room now

and of course

Athena

thank you for joining us

and my beautiful girlfriend

far away from me

but not far away

from my heart

she's in the house

thank you very much

baby

I love you very much

and that'll do it

so guys

stay tuned here

get ready for

Best of Madhouse

again this is the

The replay of the Friday afternoon show, which most of you have not heard.

But like I said, it was a great show.

And here it goes.

Have a good night.

We'll catch you here tomorrow afternoon, 3 p.m. Eastern, the final Madhouse 420 show.

And if not, we'll catch you next Thursday for a full-fledged, normal Madhouse show, God and Allah willing.

All right, Milkman.

Peace out, my nigga.

All right.

Thanks a lot, brother.

All right.

Love you, man.

Take care, brother.

I'll talk to you later.

Love you, bro.

All right.

Too loud.

too loud there we go that's that's a little better shut up music down what's up what's up folks how

y'all doing good afternoon bitches it is uh friday yeah tgif you know what that means nothing to me

because i'm unemployed bitch so if you're at work enjoy it because i've been at home all day i woke

up slept in today and shit took my time with everything and i'm not even gonna cook today

I'm going to order pizza, so kiss my ass.

Anyway, no, I love you all.

Seriously.

Yeah, you're listening to a special afternoon edition.

This is what we call, I guess I call, Madhouse 420.

An afternoon show for your ass on the last day of the week.

You're listening to Carlito.

That's me, and I'm here by myself.

No co-host next to me, and nobody via satellite link-up is just me.

That's all you get.

But, hey, I'll do what I can.

Let's see how long I can go today.

Ooh, we have a caller.

Hang on, folks. We already have a caller.

Caller ID doesn't work.

Damn it, I hate that shit.

You suck your ass, caller.

You're in the madhouse.

Hey, my man.

Oh, what's up, Breckwood? How you doing, my friend?

I'm waiting for some fucking rappers and some weed.

Yeah, there you go. You got work waiting for it? That's pretty cool. You got that set up, though.

Yeah, pretty much. Like, they're my client. I'm gonna get paid, too. That's the crazy shit.

Nice, nice. You get paid bi-weekly or bi-monthly, or what's your story?

Well, sometimes I get paid all the time. I mean, usually it's monthly, but, you know, I get a little extra here and there.

Okay. Alright. Well, that's good. Good for you, man. Good for you.

So, you're putting that to good use. You're going to get some weed and stuff, huh?

Fuck yeah, they're going to bring in blonde. Get all fucked up.

Yeah, the dealer I've had for my weed, he just, you know, I just buy regs off of him.

But he's cool to the point where whenever I go to buy, he's like, man, just, you know, he'll smoke me out even.

It's like I'm going to buy weed from him and he'll still smoke me out.

It's like, whatever, dude.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

That's pretty good. You know, I like buying from people like that. It's always a good thing.

Yeah, my other client the other night brought some fucking crazy-ass coke.

Fucking crazy.

Fuck that noise.

Like, it was fucking crazy.

Fuck that noise.

That coke is something.

Yeah, done it once in my life, and I won't go back to it.

Jesus Christ, that sucks.

Sounds bad.

It's like the ordinary shit off the street.

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

And they mix it with all sorts of crazy stuff.

Everything's like that.

Even weed is mixed with some...

If they legalized weed, it'd be so much better for you.

They put so much pesticides in it and crap like that, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Indeed, indeed.

But anyway, I'm just starting the show, so you want to sit in on my intro?

Oh, God.

My hand.

You want to sit in on the intro?

Yeah.

All right, well, yeah, you're listening to the madhouse, everybody.

I'm not going to do a fucking intro.

Well, I've got to do an intro, because if not, then people don't know what they're listening to.

They don't know what to fucking expect.

I thought you just did an intro.

No, I just, yeah, I played my intro, but I still got to say what's up to everybody and how to call in and whatnot.

So, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I was just telling people I was by myself, but no, I got a big reclute on the line today.

What's up, Reclude?

Reclude, former host of the Tuesday Night Hand Release,

and maybe he'll return one day, maybe not.

We shall see when the season's done.

When I'm rich, I'll return.

I ain't got to pay bills.

Maybe by then you can get your boss's phone patch

out of the closet he had all locked up like a bitch, man.

Yeah, man, I got access now.

Oh, well, hell, you got to give it up.

He don't like when I prank people, but I said, man, come on.

Whatever.

Dude, I had paid.

He got paid to prank?

See, that's something that no one else,

I know KDK's never been paid to prank yet.

They're crazy, though, and they pay it by the hour.

Give me a second here.

Yeah, so it's me and Reclude, and, yeah, you can join in if you want to call.

When the line is free, it's 1-888-278-8509.

That's the toll-free line that it is on, right?

That's what you dialed right now, right, Reclude?

Yeah.

So you're confirming it's working great.

Oh, wait a minute.

I dialed a secret access.

Oh, you did?

Oh, okay.

Well, you're getting a busy one.

I can't remember.

I just have it in my phone.

It's a Carly, though.

Okay.

Yeah, that's how I do.

I don't know any numbers.

I don't even know my own girlfriend's phone number.

I couldn't tell you.

If I lost my cell phone, I'd never be able to get a hold of anybody.

My parents or anybody.

Yeah, that would suck.

Anyway, so yeah, 1-888-278-8509 is your way to call in.

Be on with us.

Also, alternatively, you can email your prank request to me at madhouseradio at gmail.com.

That's madhouseradio at gmail.com.

If you're lucky enough to have access to AOL Instant Messenger, you can reach me at MadHouseRadio, that's MadHouseRadio,

as well as Yahoo Messenger, MadHousePCURadio, MadHousePCURadio, PCU as in prank call underground,

and MSN users, MadHousePCURadio at Hotmail.com.

I'm wondering who else is listening right now.

Yeah, you've got a lot of people listening right now too, Recklet, from the middle of the afternoon.

Oh, really? How many people?

How many people? I've got 49 on PCU, 4 people on my personal server, so that's good. Look at that, 54 people. That's pretty decent. Yeah, it's not bad, not bad at all. Thank you, everybody.

Yeah, so hey, here's a joke. Fuck you up, everybody here. Fuck you, guys. Fuck you, and disconnect. You don't want to fucking hear this.

Exactly. This is going to be dirty. Anyway.

Yeah, we're going to call somebody now.

Yeah, most definitely. Most definitely. All right, so you want to call that guy you had on here, you said?

Yeah, they're going to know it's me.

All the motherfuckers know it's me.

But we all up in heck like, there's a thing, nobody in town likes doing business with Somalians.

Somalians.

Oh, nice.

If I knew a Somalian accent, that'd be something.

I got some dude here.

He wants us to call this dude.

Oh, the cops are out.

Here are the cops.

Oh, God.

Yeah, man.

I live in a ghetto.

But, yeah, we got John.

Some dude named John has been harassing this guy in St. Petersburg, Florida, apparently, I guess.

I don't know if it's St. Pete.

I don't know where the guy lives, but some dude has been, uh, he's, the guy's asking

us to straighten him out, apparently.

Oh, he's been, okay, so the guy we're calling has been harassing a guy named John.

No, no, no, well, well, this guy is John Manos, M-A-N-O-S, Manos, John.

Okay.

And he's been harassing this guy that's talking to me online right now.

Harassing him, like how?

I don't know.

Let me, let me give him some time.

He's typing some shit right now.

Let's see if he gives me some.

Yeah, throw in some details.

More details.

That goes out to Jonathan in the chat.

Yeah, more details, and we'll do that.

I just closed something, okay?

Lonesome Loser is looking up stuff in Compton for me right now also.

Compton.

Compton's always great.

CPT.

He's finding me some liquor stores and businesses in Compton, so that's cool.

We'll hit that up for sure.

Yeah, hell yeah, man.

Yeah, it's like 12.50 over there right now, too, so that's cool.

12.50, I think we'll just probably get up from the stupor or maybe go to bed.

They're ready for their Seagram's gin.

Mix it with their juice.

Hence, gin and juice.

Yeah, alright, Lonesome Loser has sent me, here it is

Here's Stark's Spirits Liquor Store in Compton

A black guy answered there about four minutes ago

Yeah

You want to take the liquor store?

Yeah, what should we say?

Um, damn it, man

You think we're going to rob him?

No, is that legal?

No, don't say you're going to rob him

Tell him you want to offer to buy him out or something

Tell him that some Korean guy is going to try to buy him out

And he'll give him an offer, I don't know

Something like that

Just tell him you got bad service

Tell him that you went in there and the shit smelled

Tell me, like, you got a bottle, and the bottle smells really bad.

Okay.

All right, I don't know.

I'm sure you can figure it out, dude.

Okay, well, hang on, folks.

We're going to be right back with Reclude calling a liquor store in Compton.

We'll be right back after this.

Oh, yeah.

Reclude, big Reclude.

It's really hard to get, and I always say this,

but finding a black guy to prank call is really hard

because they don't list their numbers.

I'm not trying to be racist or nothing.

It's very rare to get a good prank call with African Americans on the line.

We'll see how this goes.

All right, you there, Reclude?

What's up?

Hey, speak up.

Speak up, motherfucker.

You got the wrong number, pal.

Hey, ain't your fucking pal.

Uncle Tom, motherfucker.

Fuck you too, buddy.

Hey.

Aw, he can't stay for long.

That wasn't a liquor store.

That wasn't a liquor store?

No, he just said...

Yo, yo.

You think he's really going to ask?

He said he didn't sound black, though, that's for sure.

Yeah, yeah, most definitely.

Okay, here, we got more details on...

Oh, shut up. Hang on.

Okay, I got more.

What the hell is that?

It always does that.

It's scary.

That dude, John Manos, okay, he has been mean to him, to this guy, Jonathan, I guess,

and his two friends, David Crosby and Grayson, I guess.

So the two friends he's been mean to, and he lives in North Carolina up in the mountains.

What?

That's the guy.

That's a bunch of bullshit.

I don't know.

I think so.

I don't know.

It's worth a try.

We'll give him a try.

All right, hang on.

Here comes the next clue.

Hold on a second.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so the guy's name is John Manos.

Yeah, hang on.

I'm sending you...

You're on AOL right now, right?

Yeah.

Are you going to buy it?

Let me make sure I got it.

Let me get a buy this.

Tell me why.

I'm going to fuck this up here.

That's there.

That's fine.

We got here.

I started my fucking crack desk program.

Yeah, you can go...

Let me...

Hold on one second.

I'll give you...

I'll tell you when.

Okay, gotcha.

God damn it.

So John Manos, yeah, we'll call my place.

There's a bunch of places we can call in town.

Yeah.

i just sent it to you right now oh man hook me up oh damn it come on now

i sent you a message oh my god you my computer's fucked up now man no you didn't i told you wait

man oh i got you in trouble because now i'm upstairs i'm gonna fucking start it up here

and shit i'm on line down it'll it'll god damn it i always got a problem this guy always all right

Let's just call him anyway.

Fuck that.

I can fucking wing it.

Okay.

I'll tell you, though, real quick.

Like, he's in the mountains in North Carolina.

Uh-huh.

The two cats he's being me to is David Crosby and some guy named Grayson.

I don't know.

Crosby's still in Nashville.

All three of them motherfuckers.

All three of the faggots.

And Neil Young, too.

Yeah.

And the guy's name is John Manos.

Manos is like Spanish for hands.

M-A-N-O-S.

John.

Yeah, man.

Yeah.

Manos.

I think it's Italian.

There you go.

Yeah, it's a lot of similarities.

There it is.

Okay.

Hang on, Rick.

Let's come over.

We'll call that a fucking prick.

Yeah, we'll call that an asshole.

Hang on, bro.

What's up?

Well, quickly, if I haven't said yet, the homepage for PCU, that's kdkprankcalls.com.

Again, that's kdk, as in kill, death, kill, kdkprankcalls.com, and my homepage for this

show that you're listening to, The Madhouse, you can reach me over at madhouselive.com,

madhouselive.com, and that's about to undergo a huge update.

Don't tell him my name, okay

I'm talking to myself here

I'm about to process a huge update to the site

It's going to look a lot different

And I'm going to update it with some stuff

Because we're lacking in content there right now

But it'll be soon, soon enough, soon enough

Keep your eyes peeled

Hey, don't say Jonathan, okay

Speak to John, please

Can I ask his column?

Well, it's just

I just got to take care of a little personal matter

That's going on

Hey, are you asking for my dad's son?

What's that?

Are you asking for my dad?

Why, how old are you?

How old are you?

How old am I?

Are you the one that's fucking around?

Are you the one that's fucking around with Dave Crosby?

No, man.

Who?

Then get your fucking dad on the phone.

Stop fucking around.

I ain't playing around.

I'll come up to that man and beat your little fucking ass.

I know where you live, motherfucker.

Let me go around the house or I'm going to call the police.

What if you call the police?

Well, guess what?

I am the fucking cops.

I'm the fucking judge.

I'm the lawyer.

I'm everything, motherfucker.

Fuck off.

Don't talk to me that way, mister.

I love you, hillbilly fuck.

Listen, hillbilly fuck.

Get the hay out of your fucking mouth.

Get your daddy up there.

Get your fucking daddy.

I'm fucking tired of this shit.

Somebody get off the fucking goat and get on the phone.

Sick bastards.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Forget it.

Probably having a family tree sex orgy.

Doing something nasty.

There you are.

Damn, I almost lost you.

We're going to call back, dude.

I don't know about telling you you're going to kill him, though.

Hang on.

No, it's true.

No, I just thought I was going to beat you that day.

Did I say I was going to kill him?

No, you didn't.

No, you said you were going to beat his ass, but who cares?

Whatever.

Just see, the guy Jonathan here, he's saying don't use his name is all it is.

His name.

Don't say Jonathan, but.

Okay, but so the guy's name is John.

Manos.

Okay, well, how old is the motherfucker?

Is it the dad or the son?

Yeah, how old is Manos?

All right, I'll ask that real quick.

Yeah, we better get some more info, don't we?

Yeah, do you want to do another call in the meantime?

Yeah, let's do that.

I'll start this one off.

We got a Popeye's in Compton.

Or we got a Sports and Soul Food Cafe.

Or the Jackrabbit.

I'm going to call it the Jackrabbit Liquor Store.

That's what I'm going to do.

That's what I'm fucking going to do.

Hang on, folks.

We're going to come back with another live prank call in just a moment.

God, that sounds like crap.

Hey, is this a liquor store?

Hey, I got a problem, sir.

I'm the guy.

I just got that bottle of Seagram's, you know?

Remember me?

Well, I got that bottle of seagrams, and it smells like chlorine, like, you know, that water y'all use to mop the floor?

It smells like it, and I opened up, and it tastes like it, too.

What kind of shit you trying to pull here, man?

Well, what if my little kid would have drunk this gin?

You know, it's me. I'm a big guy.

You know, I'm a big guy, but what if my son would have drunk this gin?

He'd be sick right now. He'd be puking up sick.

It smells like crap. It smells like shit.

Hey, what are you talking about?

This bottle of Seagram's gin I just bought.

I didn't say it to you yesterday.

I said yesterday, asshole.

What are you sitting there drinking yourself while you can't hear me?

Yeah, put it here, okay?

Hey, you speak English?

How about I go down there and pull your leg hairs off, huh?

You want that?

What are you doing in the background over there, anyway?

Oh, I'm sorry.

These fucking people are trying to get money out of me.

Yeah, bastards.

It's always something with the charities, right?

No, it's me making money.

Oh, you're making money?

What's wrong with that?

Fucking assholes trying to pay me.

Fucking bastards.

I hate that.

I hate people trying to pay me.

I hate this shit.

I mean, they're going to give me, what, $100 and...

Yeah, I've been charging a lot of money.

Okay.

People are pissed.

All right, I got an update from Homeboy.

What did he say?

He says the guy's 23 that we're trying to talk to, and it's not his dad.

It's the one that we were talking to.

It's the guy that we're supposed to be giving shit to.

So you want to try him again?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, hold on one second.

Let me just do one thing.

Oh, geez.

All right.

Hold on one second.

Rickwood's going to take a shit.

How you doing, man?

Hey, how you doing?

All right.

All right, good, good.

It's Friday.

I got to stay away from the phone.

I'm just minding my own business.

Nothing wrong with that.

Nothing wrong with that, homeboy.

Okay, let's try this cat again, then.

We'll give him one more shot, and then I'm going to take a piss after that.

I don't want to get the name.

Okay.

And Grayson.

And Grayson is the name.

G-R-E-Y-S-O-N.

Grayson, yeah.

Just Grayson.

Grayson.

Grayson is the other name.

That's all I got.

Yeah, and then 23 years old, and we were talking to him already.

Maybe his dad will pick up and get all pissed off.

That'd be good.

All right.

Hang on, Recklood.

This is the next call coming up, everybody.

It's now 3.57 p.m. Eastern.

You're listening to the Madhouse Live.

We'll be right back with the next live prank call.

Hang on, ladies and gents.

Oh, look at that.

Milkman's in the chat room, too.

Oh, man.

Oh, God.

Nice.

I am so fucked up, man.

I can't wait to get fucked up.

Hell.

So many busts, man.

Yeah.

I'm going to smoke a fucking eight right from here.

Yeah?

Is that some good shit, or what?

It's just regs.

The stuff they had was like, it looked like real ghetto shit, but it smoked real good.

Yeah, it was probably dank.

It didn't have a good taste, but it was...

Fucked you up good, Dad.

So that's how you do it, man.

All right, well...

All right, let's...

Let's do this.

All right, let's quit dicking around.

Hang on, folks.

John, I don't know.

I think we've got the right one.

Y'all live on top of a fucking mountain?

Is that true?

Y'all live on Brokenback Mountain?

Yeah.

Well, we might have to, you know what I'm saying?

We might have to get together, you know what I'm saying, and discuss some shit.

You know what I'm saying

You're still

Becoming a problem

And that ain't right

You know what I'm saying

We gotta

You know

Reconcile

So you might as well

Just go ahead

And put him on the phone

We don't have to stop by

You know what I'm saying

Hey

I've been here

Billy come on

Speak up

Yeah

Speak up boy

Motherfuckers

Come over there

Motherfuckers

Hang on

There

Good

Yeah

Alright cool

Well hey Recklu

Thanks

It was a good try

To fuck with that guy

Maybe some other night

Or something like that

But

Yeah

You better keep calling though

I don't know

We just make that like a marathon, just like every show.

I got to do that.

Well, the good thing is Lonesome Losers is in here,

so probably what I'm about to do is going to go nuts.

But real quick, I got to hit the restroom real quick,

and I'm going to come back and knock a bunch of live prank calls out of the park right quick.

That sounds good, man.

All right, man.

Well, hey, thanks for contributing.

It's always a pleasure talking to you.

No problem.

I'll get back to work here, and I'll talk to you soon.

Hell yeah.

Friday.

Later, man.

Later.

Peace.

Bye.

Reclude.

The venerable, crazy, and very high reclude.

Okay, what else do we got here?

I got a bunch of numbers confirmed here.

Straight up cash money confirmed from Lonesome Loser in the chat room,

which you can join our chat room if you're listening

and you're able to use a Java client.

It's free.

Free Java chat with myself and let's see.

We got 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 other people

in there chatting right now.

So join the party.

got misery in there just preaching

over at

kdkprankcalls.com

as in kill death kill kdk

I already said this before we've talked about this before

gents that's where you

can join the chat room the chat

icon is on the upper left hand

corner I believe it's the upper left hand corner

of the page if you're using

an IRC client you can join us at

irc.lazy-net.de

and yeah

Yeah. Folks, like I said before, we're going to play a quick, give me about a minute or two seconds,

set myself up here doing something real quick, and I'm going to do a bunch of live prank calls here in a row

and see how it goes. Give me a second. This is off the MF Doom Special Herbs 3 official now.

So we're right back after this, folks.

My name? My name? Yes. My name is Jose. You don't say Jose. I'm friends with Jose B, but I'm really Jose.

Okay.

What about Jose?

I gotta tell you, I'm a little upset because he's doing some pretty funny comedy and you didn't even have me on the fucking air.

I know, man.

I know, we did the whole Cheez-Its thing.

Yeah, but Cheez-Its are the bomb, man.

You know, you ever have Cheez-Nips instead?

Like, ever pick up?

Hold on, what are these?

Cheez-Nips or Cheez-Its?

Oh, no, Cheez-Its are the good shit.

Now, Cheez-Nips are like a knockoff.

They're little square things.

Yeah, yeah, but there's this other brand.

They're square crackers and they're fucking Parmesan cheese fib.

I don't know what the fuck.

You don't want to get the Parmesan crap, though.

And you got to get the original.

I don't know. It tastes like shit.

The original orange Cheez-It is the bomb.

It is the best food that you can have.

The original orange Cheez-It is the bomb.

Don't deviate from original.

I'm telling you, don't deviate.

The stupid bitch, because it was buy one, get one free,

she figured she'd try it.

Nope.

So she, instead of buying one box for the original price,

she buys two boxes for the cheaper price and gets shit

instead of getting the delicious, tasty, original one.

Exactly.

The original is good.

Now, that hot and spicy shit is crap.

The white cheddar is crap.

You need to get the original or nothing at all.

You need to get the original flavor.

It's like fucking goldfish.

Yeah.

They got these different colored goldfish out there now, but it tastes as good as the original goldfish.

Exactly.

The original is how it should stay.

I say that with a lot of stuff.

And then, yeah, stay away from cheese nips.

It's like a knockoff brand that is nothing like cheese nips, though.

This is me off, man.

Yeah, it is crazy.

Hold on.

What's up?

Hello?

Yeah.

I got a bitch who keeps interrupting me, man.

A bitch?

I hope that's not your wife, dude.

Dude, it's wife, girlfriend, whatever the fuck.

Whatever you want to keep.

Woman on bagging.

I didn't really marry her, dude.

Oh, no?

I'm not really married to her.

Really?

Okay.

Fuck that, dude.

Pussy's pussy.

What's it going to taste like?

I don't know.

Hole's a hole.

Exactly.

Any portland.

Sometimes I bag her in the ass.

I don't even know.

I don't even know I'm in a different place.

Dude, any port in a storm is what I say.

That's my motto.

Any port in a storm.

And it's always storming.

Any wormhole.

Any wormhole, bro.

Exactly, exactly.

All right, so what's going on with you, stranger man?

You ain't been around for a while and shit.

No one's known lesser.

Dr. Lego's been a little mysterious lately, hasn't he?

Yeah, the mysterious Dr. Lego.

Well, you know, you should be honored that I fuck you.

You're the only show that I've been on in two weeks.

This is a PCU exclusive, ladies and gentlemen.

All right.

Let me explain to you guys what goes on.

All right.

My business is very fakocked, okay?

It's fakocked.

That's, no, fakocked, real quick.

quick, that's Yiddish for fucked up, right?

Yeah, whatever.

Whatever, okay.

What happens is, it's Italian, actually.

What happens is, I get into these cycles where, you know, all of a sudden, like, an order

comes in for 15 fucking servers, and I gotta go, you know, it's nuts, dude.

The amount of hours I've been working is just crazy.

So, it's really preempted me from doing a show, and on top of everything else, the other

night, I figured, you know what, let me go on a kick it for an hour.

Well, you ready for this?

Yeah.

My Rottweiler, who goes out, he hangs outside sometimes on the side of the house.

We have, like, a dog run.

Okay.

He decided to chew through the fucking wire that goes to my wireless router,

which is what I generate my PCU feed from.

Asshole.

So I'm like, I can't kick the feed.

What's going on?

Well, my dog chewed through the wire.

I've got to rerun a whole lot.

I don't even have a wire now going on my wireless router,

so I'm kind of, like, technically down,

And I just haven't had the time to fix it.

That's my goal for tomorrow, is to fix that sucker.

And I'm going to try and do a show at some point tomorrow, tomorrow night, maybe before KDK.

Okay, good.

Because tonight I have a gig, so I can't get out of it.

Okay, well, that's understandable.

I want to tell you, I've made some pranks.

Oh, you did?

And I've recorded them.

Good.

Yeah, I've made some pranks and I've recorded some pretty good shit that I'm going to play.

Okay.

And they're pretty fucking funny.

But, you know, I don't know.

If you could patch a record company in right now, I'll do a good project.

A record company?

Shit, I don't have a record company.

Any record.

It could be an independent.

It could be a Christian record label.

Whatever.

Let me see.

I'm sure if you give Lonesome Loser, like...

Lonesome Loser.

Give me your number, Lonesome Loser.

Hang on.

He's on it.

Let me turn myself to your Christian record.

Hold on one second.

Yeah, yeah.

You got it.

He's over there yelling at his old lady.

Kim, you know what?

Carlito's right.

What?

These fucking cheese fucking crackers taste like fucking after somebody wiped their ass on them.

Yeah, you see? What, the nibs? Are you trying the nibs now, or are you just trying the other shit?

No, these are the Parmesan garlic flavors.

Fuck that shit, man. God.

I mean, why can't you just get the original?

No, you know what? You don't try. You stick with what's good.

If I was gonna try other things, I'd be back down on the bitch right now.

Oh, you did not just say that, dude.

Oh, yeah, dude.

Wow, man.

Dude, after 15, you can say what you want.

You can say, really?

It ain't going nowhere.

I gotta wait 15 years.

What?

Damn.

You know Lego has money when he can say this shit.

Kim's into Cole Cokin now.

Really?

Macaulay Cokin.

What?

What's he done recently?

Macaulay Cokin?

Yeah, he's always got problems, that kid.

That's that Michael Jackson shit.

You see the Grammys the other night?

I got it recorded, but I haven't watched it yet.

I heard about Kanye West and shit.

I heard some shit was happening.

I don't know.

Go ahead.

Well, let me tell you.

There was this fucking deal with a guy from Linkin Park, Paul McCartney, and some fucking

brother rap dude.

Yeah.

Who was the rap guy?

Like Busta Rhymes or somebody?

Busta Rhymes, Kanye West.

I know Kanye West is-

Whatever.

So Paul McCartney gets up there and he starts going, yesterday.

Right?

And the black guy, the rap guy, as Paul McCartney's going, yesterday.

the day, all my troubles, right? And you hear the black guy on the

balcony going, yeah!

Yo! You know, over fucking

yesterday. Ruined it. Yeah.

Bullshit. Yeah, and that's a good...

I mean, that's just, you know,

dude, I could get up there and do that with my ass.

Yeah, and then do a better job of it,

right? I could have my ass say, yeah.

I mean, you know, what fucking talent

is that? This guy's in the fucking Grammys?

Yeah. What the fuck kind of bullshit

is that? Yeah, exactly. I could, you know,

I mean, you know, I've fucking been playing guitar

my whole life. Yeah. I'm a fucking virtual,

So this is, I got to deal with that.

Now, listen, I'm not saying, like, I'm a slouch.

I mean, I've had some success in my career.

But, you know, I'm probably, you know, I mean, not probably.

I'm definitely more talented than 90% of the musicians up there.

I mean, I'm, you know, I'm definitely a better guitar player, songwriter, everything.

A testament to your talent, the last time I was at my parents' house,

I picked up my copy of the gross tape.

It's right in front of me.

Metal Beach Productions from 1994, huh?

Is that the one?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's the one I got here, yeah.

I got to send that to you to get it autographed so you can send it back to me.

Dude, the gross tape, unfortunately my partner isn't here anymore,

but I'll autograph it for you.

Okay.

Let me tell you, the gross tape, you know, that was my first.

You want to know something really sick, dude?

You know, I've got gold and platinum record credits with Run DMC, Joan Jett,

Public Enemy, I mean, the list goes on and on.

Right.

And with all this shit and music that I've produced

and people I've worked with all over the years,

And I've, you know, I've written some damn good songs.

I had, like, a little thing going with Zamba Publishing for a while.

And with all the shit that I've done, the only thing that I could say that I've sold 40,000 copies of was that.

That's, yeah, well, I mean.

Yeah, that's, so that's the one thing that you did best was recording fart, what, we got burping, shitting, hang on, throwing up, shitting.

Burping, shitting, pissing, farting.

Burping, shitting, pissing, farting, snot and spitting, crazy laughing, what else you got on there?

Yeah, that was a play on the whole Ice-T thing, though, the following on this following audio tape.

I remember that, exactly, yeah, it's pretty awesome, dude.

Wow, so yeah, I gotta get that autographed at some point.

If I go up there, I'll bring it with me, or I'll just send it to you or something.

Because this tape here brought me a lot of entertainment for, like, my high school.

And it brought me a lot of fame and stuff.

It was a very popular tape.

Dude, that tape is never-ending.

I'm getting ready to re-release that.

You seriously do, man.

Just re-release it in Spencer's.

I found it.

I saw it in Spencer's.

I was like, damn, I got to get that.

And I got it.

My dad cracked up.

He died laughing listening to it, too.

He likes fart noises a lot.

Yeah, man.

Right on.

All right.

I told this story how we did the shitting noise, right?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, with the Lysol can, right?

Yep.

Yeah.

A pail of water and a Lysol can.

That's easy.

And look what I brought you.

Yeah.

And then the pissing was simply, you know, pissing.

And then, was there anything else cool in there that we did?

How'd you do the maggots?

I always wondered that one.

That was kind of weird.

Oh, the maggots were, that was actually done a little bit more technically.

We used an Akai S950 sampler, and we just basically sampled ourselves going,

and then we reversed it and sped it up.

Oh, so it sounded just like maggots.

Okay, I gotcha.

Yeah, I mean, what the fuck do maggots sound like?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, how would you, yeah.

Yeah, but I think that the best is definitely Shitting.

It's like the classic.

That's always the best right there.

There'll never be another thing like track number three, Shitting.

Good stuff.

I think Shitting and Vomiting.

Vomiting.

Vomiting will make my friends like, we played it once.

My friend was playing it at his mom's house, and she's like,

you better turn it off or I'm going to throw up.

Like, I just can't hear that noise.

And then she got mad.

She was fine, yeah.

We got a new track that was unreleased that is a dentist office.

What the fuck with these people outside?

People yelling, blaring at the horn, or fighting outside, traffic.

Can you amplify my voice to go outside?

No, I wish I could.

I should get a PA system here.

I'm like, fuck you, people.

Yeah, just say, Dr. Legolas says, shut the fuck up.

Yeah, exactly.

Anyway, I just want to say, everybody, all right, all right, we're going to call it.

I just want to tell everybody in PCU fucking land that I'm sorry I haven't been on.

And you ready for this?

You know who called me the other day?

Billy fucking Mira

Billy Mira called me

And he's like I want to do a Plum Cunts song

And I'm like alright

We're going to do it

So we're going to record a Plum Cunts song

And then we'll probably do a special edition

You know a Billy Mira show

Doing all Plum Cunts type pranks

What's his serious status

I've got serious

But I haven't heard him on Howard 100

Or 101 yet

He's never been on it

He's full of shit

The only thing he's been on was that Jimmy, the Raw Dog show or something.

Raw Dog comedy?

Right, and he's only been on that two times.

Okay, so that's all he's got.

Yeah, dude, he's full of shit. He's fucking nobody.

I've been on Sirius Radio more than him.

Okay, fair enough. I got you, man.

You've been in there.

All right, so you're coming back possibly tomorrow.

If not, everybody chill the fuck out.

You're okay. You're still with us and shit.

Oh, yeah, dude. I'm totally down.

Even though my fucking bandwidth bills have been up the kazoodle. It doesn't matter. I don't care. Okay, gotcha gotcha cool

We appreciate everything

You know what? I know you do. I hope KDK does that fuck. He does. I'm sure of course he does man

He's he doesn't appreciate shit. He's got a big he's got a ego. You know, he talked about fucking egos

That guy's got a bigger fucking ego to San Diego. He doesn't he does have a yeah, but he's self-admittedly

He said it before but you know, he's the time he'll get upset at the drop of a hat sometimes to you

So, you know, what can you do?

Yeah, well, I'll slap his ass around when I see him.

Yeah, exactly.

He'll probably like it.

He probably would.

That's what it's all about with him.

Yeah, two recording studios.

We've got one in Burbank, California, and one in Westminster.

One in a recording company, a recording company.

But the recording studio is...

Yeah, I've got recordings.

One in a record company.

Okay, I don't have a record.

I've got two recording studios.

I've got a recording studio.

Recording studio.

You want the one on Burbank?

Yeah.

That's probably a big one.

Okay, we'll try that one.

Sweet.

Sweet. All right, folks, hang on.

Dr. Lego's hooking us up with a quick prank call.

And it's a return of PCU after a long respite.

Brad, back in on, Lego.

Yeah, what's up, man?

How you doing?

I learned, like, you know, what you've got to do.

You know, I was down with Jay-Z and those guys,

and then, you know, I was on American Idol.

I don't know if you saw, if you've been watching American Idol.

Sometimes.

Yeah, I was in North Carolina.

I got rejected.

But that's okay. I don't sing, man.

I'm a, you know, I rap.

uh-huh now ed okay go ahead what you my question to you is um i've got a producer you know so i've

got some mad ass tracks and i just need to like come down here and lay that shit down now who's

who's who you got i need a i need look up you know one of them top engineers uh sergio is guy

yeah i like the name already i'm in the middle of a session right now um what do you do are you

are you an engineer oh yeah what's your what's your number 23 what's your um phone number oh

Oh, my phone number.

Yeah, I'm going to get that.

All right, I'll give you...

Oh, shit, man, because I wanted to see if I could come down here.

I was in the area.

Oh, we'll find them in a little bit.

When's a good time to come down there?

Sometime beginning of next week.

Oh, no, no, no.

Well, let me ask you this.

What are you guys charging?

$50 an hour.

Okay, and my shit's going to sound like Polish, like Pro Tools?

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Because I don't want none of that underground basement shit.

I want, like, a record.

You know, that's what we do.

All right.

So, all right.

Yeah, DJ Spook.

Uh-huh.

701.

455.

447.

27.

Okay, got it.

All right, and now, what hip-hop artists have you recorded over there?

What's that?

What hip-hop artists have you recorded over there?

We haven't done any big names, but we do a lot of hip-hop and rap.

Oh, but you haven't made any...

All right, well, you know what?

Now you can have your big first smash hip-hop record.

There you go.

All right, no joke.

All right, get away from that country bullshit music,

because hip-hop is where it's at.

All right.

All right, Mama.

I'll get back to you.

All right, peace, nigga.

Yeah, he doesn't have to be an asshole about it, though.

You know what I mean?

He's kind of a...

Yeah, he was like...

Yeah, he just, you know, he didn't seem too excited.

Yeah, you want to try one more?

I got one more, or I can let you go, whatever.

Go ahead.

I really wanted a record label, but go ahead.

A record recording studio.

Go ahead.

I have no idea how to get a phone number.

You got a record label I can look up the number for?

That might work.

God damn.

Go ahead.

One more.

Give me this video.

You know, that fight that I could see?

In a minute.

No, dude.

In a minute.

I want you to call the police.

Call the police department.

I want to tell them to shut the fuck up.

No, seriously.

Those people got into a fight across the street.

Like, right in the middle of the street.

Something just happened.

Mad cops.

Yeah, well, tell them to stop the fucking bullshit.

We're trying to do a radio show here.

I know, right?

God, no respect.

Can you go out the window?

Assholes.

I can't.

Too fat to get up right now.

Dude, where the hell are you living? In the ghetto?

No, no, it's a nice neighborhood, but we're right by the police station.

So when they tear out of here to respond to something in the ghetto part of town, it sounds like it's the ghetto.

But seriously, right here, it was like a school bus that was stopped, and someone kept going.

And then one guy blocked them and got pissed off and got out, and they got into a fistfight in the middle of the street.

And all these people came out trying to break them up and shit.

And the cops just got here.

They could have taken one out in an ambulance or something.

I guess he got pretty bad. It's crazy.

That's the road rage as far as I'm concerned.

Yeah, I guess so.

I don't agree with road rage.

It's not, it's not.

All right, let me try that other recording studio.

All right, go ahead, go ahead.

Get the other one.

Yeah, DJ Spoof, yeah.

I'm looking to record some tracks for my upcoming season.

Give me that link you're looking for, man.

Thank you very much for calling in.

Okay.

All right, Jonathan, you take care.

I know a lot of you.

Thank God, no respect.

Can you go out the window?

Assholes.

Oh, man, it doesn't accept the mixing automation and all that kind of stuff.

I wanted to do, like, I didn't know what to say to this guy.

I wanted to fucking do a totally different project.

Yeah, I think, I think Lonesome, you know what, I, you might be busy, I gotta get back to work, man, that's it, that's it, get back to work, man, alright, so you know what, I got on, I got on the radio, I sucked, and now I'm gonna go back to work, no, but it's good to hear from you, though, your shows, your shows, we're looking forward to your Saturday show, I'll let everybody know tonight, make sure Zola, I'm gonna, I'm gonna try and work that out, and, um, and I'll speak to you soon, it's nice talking to you, I'm glad, you know, the gross tape kept you going, okay, shalom, and, uh, shalomi, yep, and tell, uh, if you speak to Casey,

You know, just tell him, man.

You better stop his fucking bullshit attitude.

Exactly.

We'll let him know.

Right?

Because I know where he fucking lives.

Mm-hmm.

I know where his boyfriend works.

You know his social security number?

I do.

Yeah, you do.

I know you do.

I know it's a record.

You know mine also.

Is that right?

And I was thinking, you know, I could do, like, identity theft because of that.

Yeah, why exactly?

I want to make my credit worse.

No, I'm kidding.

Hey, you guys saw the, I showed you guys all the video of Kim Whippen at Tits Out, right?

At Mardi Gras?

None of Mardi Gras, no.

We got the ones from the Zolar appearance, but we didn't get Mardi Gras, no.

Oh, go to soundnet.com.

What is it?

Soundnet.com.

Yeah, soundnet.com forward slash KGW.MOV.

KGW.MOV.

Yes, that's for Kim Gone Wild.

Kim Gone Wild.

Okay, KGW.MOV.

Soundnet.com forward slash KGW.MOV.

All right, cool.

It's out there.

I'll put it in the chat room for everybody, and I'll check it out myself.

We'll spread the good word.

Yeah, it's a nice, it's kind of like a, it's a family kind of video.

It is? Okay, good. Well, that's good. That's very important also.

Tell your mom.

All right, man, I will. Take care, man.

All right, bro.

Peace.

Peace out.

Bye.

So, we're back. Yeah, Dr. Lego, everybody. That's actually KGW.MOV.

Let me get the correct fucking link for that there.

And that's Dr. Lego. He's the gentleman who owns the server that we broadcast on.

And he donates our server space. Thank you very much.

He's also a very busy guy and a very smart guy and a good pranker.

Despite what he just said, he is a very good pranker.

He does a show here normally Friday nights.

He does it usually once a week show, normally Friday preceding Zolar.

Now, Zolar will be on tonight at 10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time on PCU.

He does a good show, and he usually goes on for a long time, at least 1 a.m.

Sometimes he's been known to go on to 3, 4 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, so watch out.

out so that's 7 p.m pacific 10 p.m eastern lego who would normally be on tonight from 8 p.m eastern

until 10 well he's not going to be on tonight he's going to be on hopefully tomorrow god buddha

jesus and allah willing uh tomorrow evening i guess around eight o'clock instead but normally

his mental discrepancy show is on tomorrow night jonathan says to pm that shit on yahoo please well

we'll have to see about that let me take a look at this video kim gone wild is there anything worse

Oh, there she goes.

And she has her hands right on the top.

Oh, yeah.

She didn't get any Bs, though.

Mardi Gras.

I wouldn't want to go down to Mardi Gras this year, man.

Probably not for a few years.

It's nasty out there.

Anyway, so, yeah, thanks to Lonesome Loser.

He came through with numbers there on the spot.

We had a few recording companies, but nothing in time for Dr. Lego to do.

But I'll continue.

But real quickly, let me give out the AOL Instant Messenger name for me.

is Madhouse Radio

where you can send your chat request

I'm sorry, your prank call request

or just your comments

on what's going on. You can also

call in toll free anywhere

in the country of the United States

because we are an international show.

If you want to call in

toll free right now, you can join me at

1-888-278-8509

Again, that's

1-888-278-8509

And you can join in the other show.

You can do a prank call, but you don't have to, dude,

if you just want to call in and comment or just talk or whatever.

That's fine.

We're here to do it.

Get involved.

God damn it.

That goes out to everybody out there.

Joop, who's in the chat room right now.

I don't know.

I guess the dead isn't around.

Misery, Hunter, whatever, dude.

If you guys want to call and join in the fun,

now's the time because the line's free.

and on the other hand

I have a ton of numbers that Lonesome Loser

has been confirming in Compton

we got the Louisiana Fried Chicken

Popeyes Chicken

Sport and Soul Food Cafe

Perfect $1 Chinese Food

Holy Shit

China Walk Express

T&J Fish Market

The Happy Fish Market

etc. etc.

so I'm going to knock those out

we're just going to do prank call after prank call

after prank call

it's not going to stop

and you guys are going to love it

But, again, my caller ID isn't working, so I have no idea who it is that's calling.

This sucks.

I'd like to have some control over my show, you know.

Let me try to get that now.

Yeah, so, like I said, the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

Hang on, folks.

You're in the meadow.

Yo, Colin, what's up, man?

What's going on, young'un?

How are you doing?

I'm okay.

This is Jonathan.

How are you doing?

Not bad, Jonathan.

Jonathan, you sound exactly like I would expect you to sound from talking to you online.

I don't know what that says, but it is what it is, right?

Yeah, I can hear you.

Okay.

So what's up, man?

How you been?

How's your week been?

It's over, as they say.

You've been working or you've been schooling or what's your story, sir?

I've been working.

I work at Central Wiamak Community College as a paraprofessional for disabled kids.

So you actually work?

Okay.

How old are you?

I'm 45 years old.

You're 45 years old?

I see. I see. Well, that's crazy.

All right, what's going on for you tonight?

You off work now? You're just getting ready to chill?

You're going to do some drinking, do some partying?

You're going to head down to the VFW?

I'm going to just sit here and chill and make me some pina coladas.

Nice. Virgin pina coladas, or you actually put rum in that?

I put rum in it.

And what kind of rum do you like?

Any kind. What do you usually put in your pina coladas?

Well, I use Don Coup, because from what I...

For one.

Yeah, because from being in Puerto Rico, myself, as a child, I was taught that if you wanted to make a good pina colada, you don't use Bacardi, you don't use any of that shit, you put in Don Coop.

Oh, man, you got the radio on in the background.

But anyway, so cool, man.

Anything else you want to announce, or are you just calling in to say hey?

I was calling you to thank you to do that press call for me.

I really had to be done.

Okay, good.

you that let me know and i'll try to isolate that for you and i can try to transfer it for you or

something like that can you copy it for me yeah sure no problem when i'm done with the show i'll

get on that and as soon as it's isolated and edited i'll i'll put it available to you no

problem we'll talk we'll talk just remind me because i forget easily so just you know like

i said we'll talk okay can i put another number to for y'all to prank yeah just send it to me

me um online because we can't give it out over the phone okay but yeah i see you on there huh

okay gotcha dude well hey and i'll send you that link you're looking for man thank you very much

for calling in okay all right jonathan you take care behave yourself all right have fun all right

thank you jonathan jonathan a very enthusiastic 45 at 45 years old he rings in as the oldest

uh pcu listener that i've talked to that i know of um austin moore i guess he's the host of the

The Austin Moore Show, I'm guessing, possibly.

He's telling me that cheese nips rock and cheese nips suck, that I have it wrong.

Well, I don't know what you're talking about, dude, because fucking cheese nips are the shit.

Cheese nips suck.

They taste like crap.

Don't settle for cheese nips.

Pay the extra money for cheese nips because it's worth it.

Get what you paid for.

You're in the madhouse.

Hey, what are you doing?

What's going on, buddy?

Not much.

I'm trying to give you some numbers here.

Fucking, I mean, what are you going to do?

Are you going to make these calls?

I got some good ones for you.

Is this an estimated profit?

Profit?

Yeah, this is Profit and Convert.

Profit, okay.

Over fucking Profit's house.

Okay, hang on.

I got this bitch from a magazine.

Oh, shit, I didn't even see these here.

Okay.

25 hottest bartenders in Boston.

Okay.

I got some shit.

She wants to be on this show.

Oh, she wants to be on Real World?

Yeah, yeah, you got it all there?

Yeah, I got this fine salon, too.

Did she send in a video or something?

Or did she audition yet or anything like that?

No, no, she's in this magazine, but you could say, you know, you're MTV, you know, you've

just seen her in the magazine, and that's why I said you've got to do it like that.

Oh, awesome, awesome.

I'm going to tell them that they're going to be in some really shit town, like Cleveland,

Ohio, or something crappy, something stupid.

All right, I'm listening, man.

I'll be here.

I didn't even notice that.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Hell yeah, I'm going to do that as soon as I come back.

Also, that's the next call, for sure.

All right, man, keep listening, man.

We're smoking for the 420 special, man.

Keep it going, brother.

I forgot to.

All right, man.

Peace.

Later, man.

Bye.

That's a very good idea for a prank.

Well, awesome.

I'm going to have to do that right now.

That's Estimated Profit and his homeboy chilling at home together smoking.

Yeah, that's right.

It's 443 by now, but I meant to say at 420, it's time to smoke, man.

It's Friday.

It's 420.

Let's take a break for that real quick, as a matter of fact.

I'll be right back after this quick break.

But in the meantime, let me tell you again, if you want to join us toll free,

You can reach us at 1-888-278-8509.

Again, that's 1-888-278-8509.

It's a toll-free call.

You can join us here.

I'm going to keep going.

When I come back, as I said before, I'm going to be doing a lot of prank calls.

I'm going to try to get a lot of them out of the way.

So do be sure to keep listening.

And if you are...

This is shit.

Jesus Christ, I never found anything on time.

If you're on AOL Instant Messenger, again, Madhouse Radio.

MadhouseRadio, and MadhousePCURadio on Yahoo, and the email for the show, the email address,

you can send in your live prank request, they'll pop up right in front of me, so don't

worry, send me an email over at MadhouseRadio at gmail.com, and you're listening to the

Madhouse, as I said, it's now 4.45pm, gonna take a quick break for myself, it's 4.20,

so smoke them if you got them, I guess the week's just about over, haha, weekend is here,

we'll be right back after this, folks.

Hey, what up?

Yeah, I'm back with a more gravelly voice this time around.

Watch out now, bitch.

Okay, Carlito back here in the madhouse.

Madhouse 420.

It's now 4.52 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

That would equal 1.52 p.m. on the West Coast.

So if you're a normal 9-to-5 motherfucker, then you've got about 8 minutes left before you get out of work.

Whoop-de-doo.

Good for you.

Okay, we've got a lot of numbers to go through here.

We've got a lot of prank calls that we need to do.

So we're going to jump right to that right now.

They're all in Compton.

Thank you to Lonesome Loser.

These numbers brought to us by our official confirmer on PCU,

the main man himself, Lonesome Loser.

Thank you very much.

I can't thank him enough, I say.

I can't thank that guy enough.

The crowd thinks so, too.

Okay, so we're starting off right quick with Louisiana Fried Chicken.

Louisiana Fried Chicken.

The music changed here.

I'm looking for something, and I've got to add it.

You have the toll-free line if you want to join us.

That's madhouseradio

At pcu.com

Again that's madhouseradio

At pcu.com

Talking too fast

I always talk too fast

I'm such an asshole with the talking

Try that one more time

Alright folks hang on

Next block of calls is coming up right now

Stand by

Oh, Louisiana Fried Chicken?

I'll ask you something.

I don't have a lot of money.

I didn't get my check this week.

When are you all going to throw out some chicken tonight?

I'm sorry?

When are you all going to throw out your chicken tonight that you didn't sell?

I don't understand what you're saying.

Like, when are you all going to throw out your chicken tonight that you don't sell?

We don't throw it away.

Well, do you save it?

Home.

You don't take it home.

Come on.

Can you maybe give me your chicken tonight?

No.

Because I'm hungry.

Please, I'm hungry.

I don't have any money.

Can I talk to the manager?

So you make a donation.

Come on, let me talk to the manager.

It's not here.

Let me talk to that guy back there.

I'm not going to do that.

Let me talk to that guy back there.

He's not here.

No, he's not, man.

Trade with him.

You do his work and let him talk to me.

Come on.

I'm not going to do that.

You look, I'm hungry, I said.

I don't care.

Look, no matter what you got to do, I got to eat.

I'm going to do what it takes.

I got a few me and my kids tonight. So let me talk. Let me talk to him

Huh, how much chicken you guys gonna throw away tonight? You're not gonna eat it all

Yes, you do you have all that chicken you have like 20 pieces

You eat all that chicken. Are you let me ask you are you black? Hey miss lady bitch. Are you black?

So you eat all that chicken by yourself every single piece. You can't give me a piece that I can split with my kids

We have a lot of workers in here, okay?

I don't have time to talk to you.

Well, come on.

Let me talk to someone else then.

There's someone else you can talk to.

We're not doing anything.

You don't participate in the free chicken plan?

No, we don't.

We don't have plans.

Well, you know that's against the law.

Go ahead.

It's against the law for me to ask for free chicken if you have it,

and you don't give it to me.

You know that, right?

We never have free chicken.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

If I die of starvation tonight...

I'm right here with the phone.

I'm not going to talk to you anymore.

If I die of starvation tonight, I'm holding you responsible.

Damn it.

Okay, that was number one.

That gave me an idea for Popeye's Chicken, though.

Yep, it sure did.

And that's coming up right now.

Popeye's Chicken next.

Hang on, folks.

It's 4.57 p.m. Eastern.

You're listening to PCU on Friday, February the 10th.

Your call cannot be completed as dialed.

Please try your call again later.

What I'm trying to do is get that chick that Estimated Profit sent me for that Nikki bitch.

She lives, I don't know, she's a bartender.

She wants to be on Real World.

She was just in some magazine.

Try her again.

Yes, hello, may I speak with Nikki, please?

Nikki, it's not here right now.

Can I call her?

Yeah, well, my name is Cross.

I'm calling from MTV Network.

Uh-huh.

And we saw her in the latest edition of the magazine, the bartender's magazine.

Uh-huh.

And we were wondering to see if she was interested in coming down for an audition

for either Road Rules or the next Real World.

Yeah, sure.

Let me write down your...

When will she be back in, if I can ask?

Because I'm going to be on the phone now calling people back for a few hours.

I'm not even sure if she's coming in tonight.

Probably later on tonight.

Oh, later tonight.

Well, that's too bad.

You don't have a number I can reach her at or something?

thing or or um you know what i don't know her offhand what's um can i take your name and number

and i'll go look it up and tell her okay well let's try that okay my name is cross just like

the cross just like a cross cross k-r-o-k-c-r-o-s-s and i'm with mtv networks we're here in manhattan

Manhattan, and my number is 888-278-8509.

So, C-R-O-S-S?

Yeah, just like Jesus, Croc.

Okay.

Where are you?

You're in Manhattan?

Yes, I'm here in New York.

Okay.

Yeah, I'll have her in December for you.

Yes.

Okay.

Please, please have her call me back as soon as possible.

Okay, I will.

Thank you.

Okay, bye.

Funny, though, Liz.

Maybe she'll call back.

That'll be funny.

I gave her the toll-free line here,

here, which you can call anyway if you want. That's 1-888-278-8509. But regardless, I'm

going to call Popeye's Chicken in Compton now. Hang on, folks. Next call's coming up.

A little bit of Wu-Tang Clan for that ass.

yeah hi my name my name is carl and um i went i went down there a few weeks ago and um i know

that i weighed 428 pounds as of last wednesday but i was wondering um would you be able to

accommodate me I haven't eaten at this point for a while I'm like I ran out of

money hello sorry try to call back yes sir hi I was just on disconnected I have

a question um I'm I don't have any money but I'm starving and I was told by my

lawyer that if you're starving it's illegal for you not to feed me if I go

to your restaurant and I haven't gotten my welfare check I'm on disability

civility hello yeah so what if i was starving you stupid cock fuck popeyes don't nobody go

to popeyes just go to popeyes chicken popeyes my aunt popeye would popeye himself would have

given me food we're gonna try that with sports and soul food cafe no matter what this will work

some shit i can just kick back smoke fat ass joint too

yeah how you doing hi my name is carl what's your name no ma'am i'm wondering about your

restaurant. I wanted to come in to eat. I'm on disability and my check hasn't come in this month

yet. So I was wondering what time do you guys throw out your food? I'm on disability because

of my weight and I don't have any money. So I'm calling around seeing who has some food maybe that

I could come in and do some work for, you know, something like that. No, I'm trying to see if you

have some work i could do so i can eat for free i'll work but i'm just so hungry i haven't eaten

since like 12 o'clock today no do you have anything i mean i'll do anything just for

a piece of bread or i'll clean the bathroom if you give me a lunch

is there anything you can do i don't know do you throw out any food out there

Ma'am, please, I'm begging you.

Next call coming right up.

Hang on.

It's my new character, the fat man.

You know that it's illegal to deny me food if I'm starving and I come there?

I'm not the owner.

But even if I go there and I'm hungry and I tell you I'm going to starve, if I collapse...

Why are you doing this at my restaurant?

but listen it is according to the law if i go there and i collapse and i say i didn't tell you

you couldn't come here what you gotta give me i'm sorry i'm playing on the phone i got a lot of

this is a business i got a lot of work to do call burger king or something you gotta give me food

what hello i don't know why katie casey's in that feeling but it's not for me okay looking

in the chat room uh nothing going on in the chat room all right nothing's going on in the chat room

All right.

Let's do another prank call here.

This is the other one for estimated profit.

This is the go-to or G2O spa and salon full body massages.

Wow.

They have a toll-free line.

Now, that's classy.

Don't you know it?

Okay.

Hang on, folks.

Let me come up with that call.

Be right back.

Thank you for calling G2O spa and salon, formerly known as Giuliano.

Please listen carefully to the following prompts as that menu has changed.

If you know your party's extension, you may enter it at any time.

Press 1 for reservations.

To request a brochure, speak to a member of our staff.

2 to purchase a gift card.

Press 3 for the manager of the staff.

Listen carefully to the following prompts as our menu has changed.

If you know your party's extension, you may enter it at any time.

Press 1 for reservations.

To request a brochure, speak to a member of our staff.

Why are they going to make it so hard?

Please hold while I try that extension.

Thanks for holding. This is Olivia.

Oh, Olivia?

Hi.

Hi, how are you doing?

Hi, my name is Cross.

Cross?

Cross, yes, just like the cross that Jesus was on.

Okay.

My father named me Cross.

Okay.

I'm wondering, I've never had a full body massage before.

Okay.

So I was wondering if I could come down, but I have a few questions to ask you.

I'm sorry?

I don't go out much.

I weigh, as of last Wednesday, I weigh 482 pounds.

For a massage?

Yeah, would you charge me extra?

Because I weigh, you know, I don't smell that.

I wash very well.

Okay, that's nice.

All right, I'm not sure if our beds would hold that capacity.

Let me find out.

How much did you say?

I weigh 482 pounds.

Hold on, okay?

Okay.

Again, if you want to call in, 509-House-Radio.

Am I speaking with Olivia again?

Sorry, she's actually busy at the moment.

I can help you out if you like.

Okay.

She ended up having to do something, so can I help you out?

Yeah.

Should I explain what happened to me?

Sure.

Okay, well, I've never had a full body massage before in my life.

I weigh 482 pounds.

Okay.

Well, first of all, my name is Cross.

So, nice to meet you.

Have you been here before, sir?

No, my friend told me about the place.

I'm not going to be around much longer.

My doctor did an ultrasound on me Wednesday,

and that's the last time I weighed myself, and I weighed 482 pounds.

And it looks like that I'm not going to be around much longer,

the condition of my heart because of my weight.

Okay.

I used to weigh over 600 pounds, and I've been losing weight, but I guess not quick enough, unfortunately.

Okay.

So I wanted to come in and have a massage, but I don't know if, I don't want to be made fun of, you know.

Like I was saying, I don't, I wash.

I totally understand.

I don't smell bad.

I have a rag on a stick that I use, you know, everything.

thing what can i would it be possible for for my uncle to bring his van and put me in the back and

then i can come down there and get him as far as um sure for two seconds please sure thank you

thank you dragon let's take two numbers to burn through here i'm glad yo if you just man i mean

i'm just saying i'm being put on hold a lot you know do you know the situation or what's happening

oh they had a phone call let me explain again i told two people already um i went to the doctor

Wednesday and I found out that I'm going terminally ill I have fat that's

enveloped my heart there's nothing they can do so I have like about eight weeks

they say and I weigh 482 pounds and I'm trying to see if I can come in for him

as long okay now they were gonna find out if you had a table that could

can accommodate my, my huge build. Uh, do you, is that, can you squeeze two tables together for me

or something? I'm going to ask that. I'm going to have to ask a massage therapist about that

because I like have no idea off the top of my head and I'd hate to have to put you on hold

again. Do you want me to call you back? No, no. Let me just ask you, would there be a problem

if I ate chicken, you know, like raw fried chicken? I love fried chicken. It's probably

Probably what's gonna kill me, fried chicken and donuts, is like, I eat so much, and I'm eating, I don't know if you can hear, I'm eating chicken right now, but, um, would that be a problem if I was eating while I was getting a massage? I don't have gas when I'm sick because things sound like that.

Okay, well, it's weird to do that, man.

Yeah, my mouth is all stretched out now.

Yeah, that sounds really good.

Anyway, let's continue moving right along.

What's next?

Perfect $1 Chinese food.

Let's give them bastards a call, see what I can find out, see what I can do.

Hang on, next call's coming right now.

Yes, this is Huot, Mongolia.

This is the Mongolian grow, Huot.

How hot? Just tell me, man.

I'm looking for as hot as it can get.

Man, me and my buds are here.

We're like, we want to take the bet.

How hot can we get?

Yeah, we're extreme.

How hot?

Dude.

As extreme, as extremely hot as possible, man.

What, what do you do?

Is he ask the server if I'm, uh...

Fuck that, dude.

You tell me how hot, how hot.

Sell me, man.

We're gonna come down.

How hot does it get, baby?

Is it fucking hot?

Would you say that?

I don't know if I'd say it.

Say, can you say it real quiet like that?

Come on, let me hear you say it.

Let me hear you say it's fucking hot.

Come on, dude.

Let me hear you say it's fucking hot.

Can you say it for me?

Who hot on goalie and grill?

That one goes out to feed this man in the chat room.

He's been trying to get my attention on doing that for a while, so there it is.

Now we'll do the perfect $1 Chinese food.

Yes, hello, is this a Chinese restaurant?

Okay, how much?

How much it is?

How much is?

How much is tonokro?

How much it is?

How much is tonokro, and is it like that with it in sugar?

Yes.

and the beef inside, right?

Okay, beef inside, but is it like that with the thing in it

or outside with the roll and the butter or the spice?

Oh, I don't want somebody to tell me about it.

No, no, no, but it's like this.

You take it outside, inside, over, cut right through the middle,

the butter, spice, inside, bay leaf over the top, or is it not?

I'm just playing English, lady.

Hello?

Okay.

Yes, hello?

Yes.

Yes, I was asking, is it like that with English and, you know,

over the front of the egg roll, the side cut in the middle

with the bay leaf inside, butter on the outside?

How is it possible and it is over there?

Is it?

I mean, if not, then it's okay.

I couldn't hear you clear.

The phone no good.

Okay.

Egg roll.

I know.

Shrimp?

What about it?

With shrimp?

No, that's not shrimp.

Oh, over?

It's vegetable and ground beef.

Okay, good.

The beef and vegetable in it with like the butter, but is it over when it's strawberry cut?

Just hold it up inside or outside?

Oh, I can't hear you clear because the phone no good.

I cannot hear you clear.

I don't know what you're saying.

How I should do?

You want to come?

Yeah, well, the thing is, big wiener is, you know, in the mouth, ejaculate, and sperm is over it.

But I don't, you know, no shrimp or ground beef.

It's just ground beef and vegetables.

Sperm? What about milk sperm?

I don't have lobster in here.

Milk sperm?

I

need to find a Chinese restaurant. Let me try Madman's.

A Chinese restaurant that speaks, like, no English.

That's the one I need to get a hold of.

That's how I got to do that joke.

Hang on. Let's try that now.

Good evening. With the sperm mouth, I come to you.

proposition, Chinese food egg roll.

Give me a chance, ladies.

Stupid bitch. Try China Walk

Express.

China Walk Express, is that you?

Yes, China Walk is. I cannot hear.

Is this China? China Walk Express.

Food Express? Good.

Good. My name is, and I'm with, over, looking for egg roll and shrimp ground beef, Hal.

What do you want?

Is it not, or over there with shrimp fried egg roll steamed, Hal?

Hold on, okay.

Milk sperm. Good, after. Yes, good, after.

Yeah, who's calling?

John Sperm. I'm calling over their egg roll make orders.

Oh, you order egg roll?

Yes.

You want to order egg roll?

Yes, how is it, though? Inside cut half or over with butter on top or how is exactly with toilet?

What are you saying? I don't understand what you're talking about.

Is toilet milk sperm, Jack, over it or inside? How exactly? Two fingers, one? It rolled how?

I really got to stop this babble. I just wasted two perfectly good numbers.

Two perfectly good Chinese restaurants. So we'll try T&J Fish Market in Compton.

Hello, hey, hear me.

Yes, sir.

Look, I just had your food, the fish, the platter, you know the platter?

Yeah.

I'm John, you remember me? I just came in, John, I had that order.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's in it? What'd you do to the fish?

There's something in the fish, man.

Ginger fish.

There's something in the fish.

Hello, is this the fish market?

Ginger fish market, yes.

Yeah, I just got your fish.

Yeah, man, what'd you put in it?

What's wrong with the fish?

Is it old?

Nothing.

What did you buy, fish, today or yesterday?

Today.

Today?

I put some milk on it and I cooked it up.

Oh, God.

What kind of fish did you buy?

I got the white fish.

White fish?

No, no, no white fish.

White fish, what'd you get me?

Buffalo, catfish, leg, and red snapper.

Oh, I didn't ask for catfish.

I'm allergic to catfish, man.

Man, that's why I'm shitting my brains out.

I'm allergic to catfish, you asshole.

Huh?

I'm allergic to catfish, you asshole.

I can't hear you. I don't know what you're saying, man.

You sold me catfish.

You take catfish, right?

Yes, I'm allergic to catfish.

No, you be a ha-ha.

No.

I don't make ha-ha. I don't make ha-ha.

What's your name?

Ha?

Your name is Ha?

Yep.

Hey.

Yes?

You gonna give me some fish?

Huh?

You're going to give me some fish, you bastard?

Why? For what?

What are you, Indian or Muslim?

You have to come over here, man. I don't know what to do.

I'm going to punch you in the mouth.

I'm going to go down there and pull your armpit hair out and make you eat it.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, but you have time to come over here, okay?

Oh, I'm going to come over there, all right.

I'm going to come all over there.

I'm going to see you. I don't know what to do.

Oh, you're going to get rough with me?

Yeah, but you have to come over here, okay?

Okay. Well, I love you.

All right, bud.

With this nonsensical banter.

Nonsensical banter.

Well, yeah.

I don't know how that sounded.

Certain people are laughing at that in the chat room and whatnot.

So, that is cool.

Hey, man, I'm about to go to Golden Corral to eat.

Don't forget to copy that prank.

Blah, blah, blah.

That's from Old Man Johnny.

So, sure thing, Old Man Jonathan, no problem.

If you want to call in, the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

That's a toll-free call.

You can reach me here.

You're listening live.

It's Friday, February the 10th.

It is 5.37 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

So if you're listening now, you're listening live.

I see Zolar has joined the chatroom.

Zolar, what's up?

I don't even know if you're listening.

He's in the chatroom.

Let me give him a Zolar.

I is on right now is.

So yeah.

Don't worry, folks.

We have more calls to get to.

I know.

You're just excited to hear that.

We have more calls to get to.

We have more numbers.

We have.

Let's see what Lonesome Loser has sent me here.

Here we're going to try to burn through them before these companies start closing

because it's 537 Eastern already, so these West Coast companies are going to start closing,

West Coast businesses at least.

Okay, we have a few Walmarts here.

We have Walmart in Compton, a Walmart one-hour photo in Compton, as well as a store number.

We got Circuit City in Compton.

Man, who would want to go to a Circuit City in Compton?

Uncle Al's Seafood in Long Beach.

We have the Happy Fish Market in Compton.

We also have, left over from when Dr. Lego called in earlier this afternoon,

we have cheap lullaby records and chalkboard records and bungalow records.

Cool.

So we have stuff to work with.

But if you have a number for someone who you want us to call, do so now.

You can call in here, 1-888-278-8509.

If you use AOL Instant Messenger, you can reach me there as well.

My AOL name is Madhouse Radio.

just like the show you're listening to madhouse radio if you're using yahoo that's madhouse pcu

radio pcu as in prank call underground madhouse pcu radio and msn messenger users madhouse pcu

radio at hotmail.com you just heard me crack a beer miller white excellent because it's friday

and i deem it happy hour so if you're at home already it's time to start drinking if you don't

drink and smoke, and if you don't smoke, even just

hyperventilate yourself and get yourself high on the lack

of oxygen. Don't do that, kids. Don't do that.

Joob's going to do that. He's going to die. Okay.

Also, in the chat room is where

you can send me your prank call

request. Join that over at the

homepage for PCU. That's

kdkprankcalls.com.

That's K-D-K as in kill, death, kill.

K-D-K

prankcalls.com.

Join the chat

link at the top left portion

of that page it's a java client and it's absolutely free if you're using an irc client go to irc.lazy-net.de

madman sell me it's 420 smoke out now is it 420 already and i guess it is 420 in chicago well

here you go madman this is just for you wrong smoking weed that's for sure if a lot of so many

if there were there are a lot of people they knew what i do here on pcu they would think very

very differently on me.

Don't get any ideas, folks.

Okay.

Let's see.

Now, Fetus Man in the chat room

has sent me...

Oh, yeah, real quick.

Before I do that,

the email address for the show

is madhouseradio

at gmail.com.

Now, if you're listening

for the first time,

be sure to check out

later tonight,

Zolar, host of Zolar Vision

from the Howard Stern Show fame.

Zolar will be on tonight,

I assume, at 10 p.m. Eastern.

He's in the chat room now

just meeting and greeting.

He's in the chat room

shaking hands with people

people who are in there right now, whatever, fuck, so he'll be on later tonight, he does a very good

show, one of my favorite shows on the internet, if not radio, as a matter of fact, I put him up

there with, with some of those other people, great way to enjoy your Friday night, if you're not

going out, go online, listen to Zolar, and look up porn, but not me, because I'm going to be going

out tonight, Zolar, I'm sorry, I'll record your show, and I'll probably listen to the last hour

of it, if you finish at three or so, but probably going to go out with the boys tonight,

night, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, okay, let me get some music here, because I'm talking

bullshit, the devil's shoestring, there we go, that's more like it, wow, dude, I've been

on today since 3.15, holy shitballs, let me see how many minutes I've been going on, I've

been on for two hours, 32 minutes and 59 seconds, oh, two hours and a half, wow, that's not

bad, folks, you guys have been getting pretty, and the numbers are pretty decent for a Friday

at this time, we had upwards of 60 listeners at one point, when everybody was still at

work right now the numbers dipped and as people get home and get situated i'm seeing we're already

up into the 50s already so awesome it's good to see you guys out there listening and be sure to

hook me up with your prank call requests let me go into aol right now aol instant messenger where

i said i am madhouse radio now real quick if if you like what you're hearing and you happen to

have a station that you frequent if you're good people with people who run a different station

or something like that or if you have a server or something like that if you're interested

If you're interested in simulcasting any of the shows on PCU Radio, be sure to get a hold of us here over at kdkprankcalls.com.

Now, if you happen to be interested in particular with me, be advised that I do a show every Thursday night that's starting normally around 9.30, 10 o'clock p.m. ish on Eastern Standard Time.

That is the Madhouse, Madhouse Live, every Thursday night.

I also do a Tuesday and a Friday afternoon show at 3 p.m.

That's every Tuesday and Friday at 3 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

That's Madhouse 420.

Okay.

Yeah, and that'll continue as long as I'm unemployed.

So once I find a job, that's done with.

But I'll still be on my Thursday night.

Shit.

Forget that.

I'll never give that up.

I love doing shit.

Anyway, Zolar is telling me the check's in the mail,

that he'll miss me tonight, Carlito.

Oh, well, I'm sorry.

I'll miss you too, Zolar.

are. Zola says the check's in the mail.

Okay. Jill is asking me

to call VIP Video Adult

Tapes in Hamilton, Ohio.

I have the phone number here. Two numbers.

They both ask. Sound dumb like

if they carry Hot Girl on the Farm

6 and Fat Lesbian

Girls 5 and ask them to name

off some of their best

XXX Tapes and Sex Toys. Both numbers work

because I had just called them. Well, Jill, that's a

very good idea. I might tone it down

a little bit and actually go a different, more perverted

angle. That's okay. Not to

zolar it up anyway if you want to call us toll free here it's 1-888-278-8509 okay um so anyway

yeah tonight at 10 p.m as we said before zolar is on now tomorrow on pcu uh i guess there are

two shows slated now we spoke to dr lego earlier in the show this afternoon and he confirmed that

he will indeed be on this weekend he's planning on at least for saturday around 8 p.m uh eastern

to do his show mental discrepancies that normally would be on tonight friday at 8 p.m but he's

having technical issues so again like i said he's aiming for tomorrow at 8 p.m eastern then followed

by none other than kdk the guy who runs pcu kdk's show is the lunatic fringe and he does prank calls

and talk and music and gay talk no i'm kidding i'm kidding uh he'll be on tomorrow at 10 p.m

Eastern. Great show. This is a staple

of PCU, so if you don't listen to KDK,

well, nigga, you're missing it.

Sundays at 9pm Eastern,

Sean Ward, direct from Toronto,

Canada, does a show. Monday nights,

nothing. Who's on? Ah, that's right.

I'm sorry. Hunter, the new guy.

The new guy on the block. Hunter

in California does his show.

I believe he starts at 7pm

Pacific, which would be

10pm Eastern Standard Time. So that's

10pm Eastern, 7pm Pacific,

specific uh straight from california that's hunter and the hunter talk show tuesday nights

k bones crazy talk on its new night tuesday evenings at 10 p.m eastern i guess i don't

know what time excuse me something like that check that out wednesdays kdk's psycho babble

the non-prank show of the week on pcu he's on 10 p.m eastern on wednesday nights and then we

We complete the circle on Thursday evenings with the Madhouse.

That's 9.30 p.m. Eastern.

And don't forget the afternoon shows that I do, such as Tuesday and Friday.

That's it.

Tuesday and Friday at 3 p.m.

Madhouse 420.

For the time being.

As long as I can do it, I'll be doing it.

As long as I have time free, bitches.

Anyway, what I was getting at, if you like what you're listening to and you'd like to simulcast this show or anything else on PC,

you can get a hold of me for my show.

Go ahead and hit me up at simulcast at madhouselive.com.

simulcast at madhouselive.com.

Hang on, let's take our next caller.

You're in Madhouse, go ahead.

Hello.

Hey, this is Nikki.

How are you doing?

My name is Nicky Cross.

Oh, yes, Nicky.

Hi.

Cross is expecting your call.

Can you just give me just one moment, please?

Sure, sure.

All right, thanks, and I'll get Cross.

Hello, this is Cross.

Hi, this is Nicky.

How are you doing, Shaw?

Nicky.

Oh, hi.

How are you doing, honey?

Good, how are you?

Fabulous.

Well, that's great.

I'm glad you called me back.

We're just about done here, going through the list.

Now, we saw you in this magazine.

Tell me about this magazine.

I mean, you're excellent.

Oh, Parsons Sports?

Yes, that's the one.

Yeah, I've actually shot with them at times.

Oh, really?

You've been in it before then, so you have experience.

Well, yeah.

The first shoot I did with them, which pictures did you see?

Just the most recent one.

The Red Sox one?

Exactly, yeah, the Red Sox one, yeah.

The Red Sox one, yeah.

That was last April, I believe it was.

And then we did another shoot.

I was with two of the other girls from the place.

And I just usually, I'm in it for, like, advertisements and calendars for the place and everything.

And they made a calendar out of the Red Sox cover.

Okay, I see.

And passed it around during the Red Sox games and everything.

Okay, excellent.

Well, let me tell you what's going on.

Now, we have the next two seasons of Real World and Road Rules coming up.

And we're looking for talent in the magazines.

is now we were interested after seeing your

stuff whether or not you'd be willing to

come out here to Manhattan we're here

at MTV Networks we're

casting let me tell you what's going on real the next

real world is going to be

in Columbus Ohio

Columbus Ohio

very big town it's blowing up

Columbus Ohio you'd be surprised

so what we're trying to get at we're trying

to get you know the normal crowd

of people would you be willing if

we were to fly you around accommodations and

everything would you be willing to come out here and

and see if you're enough to be on one of the two.

Absolutely.

Okay.

Where one would it be?

Because I'm actually planning on going to live in Australia for four months and be abroad.

Australia.

Yeah.

Well, then that's excellent because our next, the new Road Wolves,

Road Wolves Ring of Fire is taking place in Sydney.

No.

Yes.

They're going around all over the country.

Oh, my God, that's awesome.

Isn't that excellent?

Holy.

Oh, my God.

Holy shit.

That's so funny.

Holy shit.

it okay well look i'm so excited now i need i need you to record for us right now uh as soon

as possible we need a 30 minute video of you at your craziest we're looking we're going to be all

industry the whole industry is going to be uh for bartending staff only the service industry

is going to be in this house and they're going to start a bar and if they're successful at the

end they will own the bar all together as shareholders oh my god isn't that fucking

Oh my god, that's like an absolute dream.

Exactly.

Holy shit.

So we need to get one thing out of the way.

How much skin are you willing to show?

Um, I wouldn't be naked, but...

Okay, let me write that down.

Not naked.

Yeah, no nudity.

Well, I'll tell you, that puts you down the lift already.

Well, that's okay.

I mean, I'm not really in for that.

I mean, are you able to hoard...

But I mean, my only thing is, um, like, I don't know, my friends have been like,

I'm like, yeah, you should be on the show.

I always said that I would never want to go on them unless I was 21.

And how old are you now?

All the nightlife and everything is just going out to bars.

How old are you now?

I'm 19 right now.

Well, I'm not sure if you understood this.

Between me and you, please do not say this because I'll lose my job.

No, I would never.

Everything is scripted on the real world.

So we can actually just say you're 21 and we'll get with the union to get you an ID that says that if you're willing to.

because actually last season we had two people who were over 21

and we said that they weren't because they want to go for the younger crowd, of course.

Right, because I was always wondering.

I knew that the other cast members on those shows were under 21

and they were always in bars and everything, and I always wondered about that.

Everything is scripted. None of it is real.

We do cops also that show cops.

It's not real. That's not real at all.

You know, half of the news isn't real.

I didn't think it was.

Half of the news isn't real. It's all made up.

Yeah.

Exactly. So no problem with that at all.

I'll keep it a theory because if the world knew that Road Wolf was scripted, MTV would probably fire me, first of all, ring-a-ling, and then they'd lose everything.

We'd lose all our credibility.

Remember what happened to Dan Rather.

We don't want that to happen to her.

Yeah.

Excellent.

So what do you say?

So no nudity, though.

I don't understand.

Do you have any addictions that we could probably promote or something?

Would you be willing to think that you're addicted to cocaine?

We're trying to go somewhere new with this.

we're looking all we have left now is the cocaine using former lesbian turned christian who is a

bar who is who works in the bar oh god i'm definitely not a christian well no you don't

have to know if i could act like a christian oh you're not a christian at all are you a muslim

no i'm i'm well i'm half christian half jewish but mostly jewish let me write that down that's

another problem jewish jewish i don't know about jewish we just have problems with jews in the

the past of course i don't know if you remember nuremberg but i'm not like a like a hard-headed

religious person okay well you okay so would you have a problem renouncing your faith for the show

no no you wouldn't have a problem renouncing your faith okay i've got that here okay now

would you have a problem pursuing a relationship with somebody on um in the house um i'd have to

think about that i'm in a relationship right now so what i mean normally i wouldn't care

Would you rather not have a relationship with an HIV-positive black man?

Well, obviously in real life, but I mean...

Okay, well, remember, if really not the real world, I'll tell you why.

The real world hasn't been real since, like, 92.

Yeah.

Okay.

So you are willing to date a HIV-positive black man.

Good deal.

Because we may actually spin that off into another show

show where it'll just be your relationship with him afterwards that would be great so hey right

you have my number yeah i'm sorry okay so you have your number you have my number correct

i have it okay great now what i'm gonna do i'm gonna pass this on uh to the casting director

um he's gonna be calling you later tonight they're gonna have a conference call

and he's but he won't be available i don't know you're are you eastern standard time there where

you are yes okay well he probably the meeting doesn't get out until somewhere maybe around 11

11 or 12 o'clock at night, would that be a problem?

Okay.

If he could call you, where should he reach you at?

I don't know how.

I'm actually going to be working tonight at the bar from 9 to 2.

Can we call you back at the bar?

We have the number there for the bar already.

I don't think I'd be able to go off because I don't really get any breaks or anything.

No breaks or anything.

I'm supposed to be busy as soon as I get in there.

Oh, jeez.

All right.

Well, we'll see what we can do.

We'll try to get a hold of you as soon as possible then.

Okay.

Actually, I had a question.

And when are the actual dates for the seasons for Real World and World World?

Undetermined probably by March 1st.

We're looking for both of them to start.

Of next year?

Well, no, March 1st for Real World of this year, and then World World sometime next year, undetermined.

Fourth quarter.

Okay.

Fourth quarter, 2006.

First quarter, 2009.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, great.

Thank you very much, darling, and we will be in touch.

Okay, thank you.

Okay.

Spur milk.

Bye-bye.

Yeah.

you know she totally wanted she would renounce her faith i was what i was trying to do was trying

to get zola to call her possibly later tonight as the casting director was trying to pass it on to

him that girl was a dumb cunt i'll pass that information to him though uh so yeah she called

me back actually she had called earlier um no no i had called her earlier at work she wasn't at work

and i said i was looking to cast her for real world apparently she's really into the show she

She wants to be on it.

So I did so.

She wasn't there.

I left the toll-free line for her to call back.

And sure enough, she called it back.

So there it was.

She's willing to renounce her faith.

My God.

Zola said I should have asked her if she would masturbate each night before she sleeps in the show.

Oh, Zola.

Zola, I'm going to pass that information on to you.

So maybe you can give her a call at work.

Try to see if they can get her on the phone.

Hang on, let me pass it on to him.

That was Nikki.

That is kind of mean, though, to do to her, but fuck that.

So, where's my music at?

Oh, shit.

Okay.

There you go, Zolar. I sent you the information.

Did I say that out? I don't know.

Whatever, Zolar.

Zolar is the guy in charge of the grammar on PCU.

Thank God he's in charge.

Yeah, the numbers are steadily climbing back up.

Thank you, everybody, for sticking me in here.

What else do we have?

Did I call the fish market? Yes, I did.

The India fish market.

Yes, at this point we've got a few Walmarts,

a few... we've got another fish market,

Uncle Al's Seafood, etc., etc.

etc hang on folks here comes the next prank call of the uh the evening it's six o'clock close

enough we'll call it the evening happy hour here in pcu madhouse 420 we're calling circuit city

in compton right back after this city

what what what took so long i've been calling all day what's taking so long hello hello ma'am

Can I help you with something?

Yeah, I need a radio install.

Is it going to take long to get on the phone now?

I've been calling all day.

I've been calling all day, calling all day.

Car radio install.

What's going on?

I'm looking to come down there and get my car radio.

I just bought this car radio, and I had to call to make an appointment, I guess, to get it installed.

Uh-huh.

I don't want to spend any more money than I already spent, you know.

It's just free installation on my receipt.

I saw it here in the paper in the app.

Let me transfer you to the front.

They can handle it up there.

She just said to talk to you.

What are you doing there? Passing the buck, all you goddamn Canadians.

What's the matter here, huh?

Excuse me?

You passin' the buck, you dirty Canadians all the time.

All right. I'll transfer you right now. Hold on.

Hurry up.

I need beer.

Hello? Hello? Hello?

Yes, what can I help you with?

The man over there at the car store just said he got to talk to you.

What?

Virgin Mary God, what's going on? I need to set up an appointment. He said to talk to you.

I don't know why.

He don't talk to me about it, sir. I don't have anything to do with set up appointments.

Well, can you tell him to help me out? I don't know what's going on.

I don't know either. Hold on.

Someone will decide to do their job.

Hello, hey, man. This is Cross. How you doing?

Pretty good. I can't hear you.

Look, I've been calling for a while now. I'm trying to get set up here with an appointment to get something installed.

And I told the lady, look, I don't want to pay any more than I already paid.

But is that a problem?

What?

Is that a problem?

Come on, boy, you're not listening to me.

Your phone sounds real, real low.

That's why.

No, no, no.

It's how I talk.

I took a bulletin.

Hey, I took a bulletin.

Now I'm in the thyroid.

You know?

Right there in the neck.

Okay, well, we would have to look at your receipt to see what they charge you for.

Well, no.

The guy wrote it on there.

We're only going to install whatever they charge you for.

The guy wrote it on there in pen.

He said, free install.

It says it on there.

He's got his signature, X.

Oh, you're going to have to take it to whoever wrote that, then.

Well, look, don't give me any shit.

I'm going out in my car, and it's going to get installed tonight.

You understand me, tough guy?

What?

I said, I don't need any shit.

I just want to go in there, get my radio installed.

Okay, that's what I'm saying.

But when you come here, I'm going to take a look at your receiver.

I got a few...

No, no, no.

You're going to agree right now.

Okay, then I won't.

That I'm not coming down, and then you know what?

You're going to lose your job.

Okay, okay.

You're going to lose your job, you Canadian.

I'm coming down right now.

Okay.

And you're going to install it yourself.

What's your name, Pedro?

Uh-huh.

What's your name, Pedro or Jose?

What is it?

Never do that again.

My eyes are so red from talking like that from the itching in the back of my throat.

I have a headache now.

Don't give me a headache doing that.

Oh, my.

Whew.

I'm going to do that gravelly voice in the back of my throat.

Jesus.

Now what?

Hang on, folks.

You're in the madhouse.

Hey, what's up, the dead?

How you doing, bitch?

I'm okay.

Good, bitch.

Hey, guess what?

Did you hear about the soundboard?

We had a great time with it last night.

You didn't call in.

Dude, you know what?

But fuck the soundboard because it's lacking shit.

I'm going to make some more.

I'm going to record some shit.

And I'm going to send it to fix or play.

No, that soundboard is a WIP.

I don't like the soundboard.

It needs more.

Oh, it lags and shit.

Okay, yeah.

Well, it was a rough cut, the first attempt.

I think it was pretty good.

We had a good time with it, you know.

It's lacking shit.

Yeah.

So, what are you doing tonight on Friday?

What's up with you and shit?

What?

Go ahead and talk to her.

What?

Stuff?

Okay.

Have you been naked?

Have you been naked today yet?

Not yet?

When do you usually get naked?

During the night?

I don't listen to a piece of you naked, dude.

I do, yeah.

Oh, that's sick.

Thank you.

You've listened to my show naked before?

Man, creep me out.

You beat your meat.

Nice, thank you.

Very classy of you today.

Oh, God.

Do you listen to it?

Who's listening?

what? Who's listening what? Your mom's

I was listening.

Yo, let me talk to your mom.

Come on, I'll be nice.

You know I'm a nice guy.

I'm a nice guy.

You know, me and you are friends.

No way.

Come on, let me talk to your mom.

What's the big deal?

After my mother heard that, I'm not going to let you talk to her.

Oh, put her on speakerphone.

I want to talk to the mom.

Oh.

Okay.

All right, fine.

If you're embarrassed, I guess you're embarrassed with me.

Is that it?

That's fine.

No, I just got embarrassed the last night.

I said I'd be to my meeting with you.

That's funny.

Do a prank?

Okay, bitch.

I will.

Well, I've been doing pranks, damn it.

Do you want to call anybody?

Hold on.

Okay.

I'm on a vodka, buying 80% of vodka for 20% of mango.

You drink too much, man.

You know what I've had today to drink?

Look, since I started the show, I made myself one gin and tonic,

and I've been on since like 3 o'clock.

Since 3 o'clock, I've had one little, and it was even a watered-down one.

It had a lot of ice in it.

And then I cracked open a beer like an hour ago, and I'm still sipping on it.

You need to pace yourself, man.

You just, you know, and it's like, you know, I did that just because, you know, whatever.

Why are you going to go get drunk like that all the time, man?

Dude, you know what?

It's bad for you.

Can I tell you something?

Yep.

I'm a Pollock.

You're a Pollock?

That's very nice.

I'm a goddamn Pollock, so, you know, I'm going to get in college.

Well, hey, yeah, might as well get out of here as fast as you can, I guess, whatever.

I know.

Hey, there's this guy that wants us to do a call.

You want to try to call this dude?

You don't have to if you don't want to, you know.

It's VIP Video Adult Tapes.

Good.

Ask them.

They're in Hamilton, Ohio.

You ready for that?

Okay.

Hang on.

What's the name again?

VIP Video Adult Tapes.

Okay.

Hang on to that.

No, we don't.

We don't have time for this bullshit.

Don't call me saying shit like that.

I'm going to have to fucking call you.

Want to try to call her one more time?

Yeah.

Hang on.

That was great.

Not reachable with this card.

Oh, come on.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

Phone number is not reachable with this card.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

I just fucking called it.

Minute.

Thunder Lion.

Hello.

Say to my son.

Um, you don't call here talking stupid shit.

If you want to go whack off, go to a car wash.

Listen.

Stick your fucking dick in the hood.

Ma'am, you listen.

Don't harass me.

I will call the fucking cops.

I have a caller ID on my phone.

Shut the hell up.

Here's what happened.

You fucking kissed my ass.

Don't call back here.

You fat bitch.

All I did was pick up the phone and I hear you cursing at my son talking about whacking off.

You said, F-U-C-K, fuck.

She's gone.

Okay.

Thank you.

That was very interesting.

To say the least, man.

You come through with the raunch, and there's nothing wrong with that, you know.

Go feel her tits.

What?

Go feel her tits.

No.

Why not?

Just go feel her tits.

Why not talk to my...

How you doing?

Yeah, not bad.

Who's there?

What's your name?

Lucy.

How you doing, Lucy?

I'm home.

Lucy.

I'm home.

Lucy, I'm home, I love...

Don't start a shit with me.

What's your problem, ma'am?

No, that's all I've been hearing all my life.

Lucy, I'm home, I love Lucy.

You're kind of rude, you know?

You just came off the top just talking like that to me.

Why can't you be nice?

No, I'm not, no.

Be friends.

You must be hurt.

Be friends to me.

What color is your hair, ma'am?

Reddish.

Beige?

Red.

Red, oh, red hair.

So do the curtains match the drapes?

No.

How's it go?

No.

They don't? Okay, that's good.

So your son there, he's a nice guy, huh?

He's awesome.

He's an awesome kid. I just want you to know that.

He's a million-dollar kid.

Yeah, do you know that he does dirty phone calls sometimes and stuff like that?

No, I didn't know that.

He says bad words. See?

He calls us at home all the time.

Oh, he's my friend, but the other day, he's talking to me right now, he said S-H-I-T shit.

You ever hit him with the...

He costs us and he goes motherfucker and this and that and everything else.

You just let him do what he wants to do, right?

Whatever makes him happy?

No.

Not necessarily, but he's a good kid.

Good.

Do you do his laundry or does he do his own laundry?

Leslie, I've been doing his because he was living with my mother for the past seven years.

Uh-huh.

And he used to help her.

Oh.

And she got very sick and she couldn't go down the stairs.

Oh.

So he used to do her laundry, and he used to help her cooking, and he used to buy stuff for her, grocery shopping for her, and everything else.

And she got very, very sick, like, in the middle of November.

And now he's, you know, living with us.

He was doing, he knows how to do his laundry, he knows how to do everything else.

Okay, so he doesn't, like, he doesn't just sit there and freeload, like, he picks up slack, right?

He doesn't share the chores and everything like that?

Lately he has been because I felt sorry for him because he was very close to my mom.

Yeah, I know, yeah.

And it really hit him very, very bad.

Oh, I understand.

He got very depressed.

Yeah, I know.

Because there was his grandma and she almost died.

So it's like a critical care unit for about six weeks.

No, he's a good kid.

Okay, he is.

Well, that's good.

I'm glad to hear, you know, he's doing good.

No, he's a good kid.

And today he took her to the, because he takes, we took her to the doctor today.

And he goes with us all the time, you know, helps me out because I parked, you know, he takes her in and I parked the car.

And then when she had to go for a blood test, you know, to have her blood drawn, I hate that because I hate needles.

I hate blood.

I hate it.

Okay.

He was the one that took her in there and he was the one that stayed with her and brought her out.

No, he's a million dollar kid.

Okay, do you, um...

He's an awesome kid.

So what are you drinking today?

Tonight.

Today, whatever.

Well, so far, we've been drinking tonight.

Vodka.

Vodka?

Vodka and OJ.

Well, that's good.

Where do you live at?

Where I live?

Schaumburg.

Oh, that's not far from us.

No, no, Schaumburg is close.

Yeah, that's right.

I used to have a couple friends.

I used to work in Buffalo Grove.

Yeah?

In Motorola.

So do you like beer?

No.

You don't drink beer?

What do you usually drink?

Vodka?

Is that what it is?

No.

Well, not necessarily, but I'll drink beer if I don't have anything else,

but I'm not the crazy about beer.

Okay.

Have you ever seen him naked on the floor or anything like that?

Have I ever seen him naked?

On the floor.

No.

Well, that's good.

That's good.

That happened to my mom.

I used to lay down on the bathroom floor because it was nice and cold, the tile,

and I got drunk once and my mom walked in on me and I was lying naked on the floor

and she caught me.

It was very embarrassing.

How old are you?

I'm 25.

This is last week.

This kid is awesome.

He is.

Honestly, if you want to meet somebody who has a good heart and a good soul and is very affectionate.

He lives with my mother and he was helping her out.

He was doing the laundry and everything else.

He's a good kid.

Does he burn incense at all?

Have you ever seen any incense or anything like that?

do you have incense there that you burn in the house for the smell no yeah stuff stinks he burns

incense a lot yes he does okay yes okay why no no no no he was telling me about patchouli incense

i don't know much about it so he's you know he's no he he likes to go and buy like different he's

supposed to be relaxing and uh-huh he said we're good okay i got you so where do you work at me i

I work at the plant, the power plant.

But I lost my job the other day.

I lost my job.

Yeah, so.

You let me...

Yeah, I know it sucks, right?

This damn bush, huh?

Oh, yeah?

I mean, I did, too, in Fort Lauderdale.

I used to work for Motorola.

What was that?

Fuck me.

All right, well, let me talk to him.

He's going to get crazy.

Hey, how you doing there, bud?

I'm listening to this, and I'm...

I'm not doing anything

I didn't say anything bad

I asked her if you burn incense

And she said yeah

So we know that's true

We know it's true

Well I asked about that

You know why

And she said no

So you're a good kid

It's very good to hear how good of a kid you are

Don't worry about it

Yeah I know you do

Now we know where that came from, huh, Steven?

Now we do.

I do burn incense.

I know you do.

It's okay.

You love your ancestors.

There's nothing wrong with that, okay?

Wherever you want to burn it, you do that, okay?

All right, buddy.

I'm going to let you go.

I'm going to let you go before you get in trouble.

I'm somebody's dad, bro.

Hey, I'm somebody's dad.

Okay.

Don't drink too much.

Take care of your mom there.

Keep behaving yourself.

You're a good kid.

No, I'm going to drink a lot.

Good.

So I'm going to be a fucking drunk.

That's good.

Yeah, and you know what, you should let, you shouldn't, don't let Zohar talk to your mom.

I probably will.

You're, oh my God, okay, well, there it is, you heard it here first, yeah.

She's gonna be pretty drunk anyway.

She won't remember it then, yeah, she won't remember it, yeah.

Why the fuck not?

Yeah, see if she'll get, see if she'll get naked for Zohar.

Yeah.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

You could go to New York and get naked for him or something.

Dude, you're offering your mom up to Zohar, seriously.

Okay, I gotta go.

I don't give a shit.

That's enough today.

All right.

Peace, man.

Bye.

Dead?

Mama dead.

Wow.

That's a PCU first, I think.

That's the dead's mom.

Holy shit.

Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

The dead was on the floor laughing, he says.

That was great.

Great job.

I can't believe the dead's mom is very proud of him.

Very, very proud of him.

I wish KDK could have heard that, but Zolar got a taste of that.

Zolar, I hope you love that.

that, and I guess Zolar, look out, because Zolar, I guess tonight, is gonna have the

dead's mom again, and, you know, I keep, I, I don't, I don't like to disrespect the dead's

mom, the dead's my friend, I would say, but I know Zolar has a very thin red line when

it comes to perversion and talking to women on the phone, so I'm sure he'll be more than

willing to give us an even better, more explosive, uh, conversation with the dead's mom, so look

forward to that tonight, holy shit, 10 p.m. Eastern tonight, Zolar will be on, Zolar from

From Howard Stern fame, Solar Vision, Solar Vision.

Tonight and every Friday night for the most part at 10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time

on PCU, Prank Call, Underground Radio.

The homepage of which is kdkprankcalls.com.

kdkprankcalls.com.

And the homepage for the Madhouse, which is the show you're listening to now,

is madhouselive.com.

Man, I have been going for three hours and 15 minutes.

How about that?

And I might add, I'm not doing that bad.

I think I'm doing a pretty good job.

So, yeah, that was the toll-free line.

That's what it's all about.

If you want to call and join in, you can reach us at 1-888-278-8509.

Again, you can reach us here toll-free anywhere in the United States of America.

That's 1-888-278-8509.

If you're using AOL Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio.

Again, that's Madhouse Radio for AOL Instant Messenger users.

or Madhouse

PCU Radio for Yahoo

Messengers, whatever, you know what I mean

and email me

at madhouseradio at gmail

dot com, so yeah

the toll free line is open, 1-888-278-8509

let me see what I have in terms of numbers now

someone, I apologize

this is a fetus man

who gave us a number earlier to

Hoo Hot Mongolian Grill

his mom is going to the local AA club

and she gets really pissed

when people prank call her, and if I call, ask for Rochelle, and he gave me the number,

I guess his mom's name is Rochelle, that's a hot name there, isn't it, Rochelle, Rochelle,

I hope it's not too late to do that call, hopefully she's still around, because he said

that to me like an hour ago, so, yeah, we got, we got sidetracked there with the dad

and mom and dad and everything, so, I apologize in advance, fetus man, but I'm gonna call

that now, next prank call's coming up in

just a matter of seconds, you're listening to Madhouse, it's almost, I was

I was thinking about quitting at 7, but I think I'm going to quit now.

It's getting kind of late.

You guys let me know.

If you guys want me to continue, I'll keep going.

I don't know how good I'm doing right now, but there's plenty of you guys listening.

I suppose I can keep going.

Not serious.

What's up, everybody?

On Yahoo Messenger, where you can reach me at MadhousePCRadio.

It says I should call DirecTV or AOL.

Well, that sucks because you get pulled and hauled for a long time.

And it's been done before.

Hang on.

Cheap Lullaby Records.

Try that.

We're going to call Cheap Lullaby Records.

Hang on, folks.

Cheap Lullaby Records.

For Joe Ross, please press 1.

For Matthew Littman, press 2.

For Nick Atkins, press 3.

For Matt Stahls, press 4.

For Eric Stahls, he's a wizard.

Someone's been reading a few too many comic books.

But anyway, Fetus Man in the chat room has sent me a number.

We called him last night, kind of messed with him too.

He smells bad, doesn't change his clothes, doesn't shower.

This cat's name is Joel.

Used to be his friend.

Oh, well, that says a lot.

He's fat, lazy, and believes he is the long-lost

grandson of King Arthur

and believes he's a wizard who can

cast spells. And his number

is this. And he also has a friend.

He also a friend of Joel if

I don't know what the friend of Joel is.

Right, right, right. Okay, here comes that call.

I'm trying to get some better music than that gay shit I was just playing.

Boom, boom. Hang on, folks. Next call's coming up.

It's now 6.38pm

Eastern on Friday

the 10th of February. You're listening to

PC Radio Madhouse

Afternoon Show.

Joel, please. Speak with Joel, please.

He's not here.

Is Jay there?

No, he's not.

He's in jail.

He's in jail?

Yeah, for 40 days.

Why?

What did he do?

He, uh, got, um, apparently they said that he, uh, did a third-degree, third-degree

burglary charge, and they got dropped down to a very big misdemeanor, but there was a

girl involved with him, so he gave her name up, so the best deal they could give him was

40 days in jail.

He'll be out March 12th.

Did he, did he try to steal Excalibur?

No.

No, he stole a box of VHS tapes and that's it.

His girls still have a lot more.

Wait a minute, he stole a box of VHS tapes?

Yeah.

And what did the girls steal?

The girls stole a purse, a purple CD player, books, whatever else.

I had no idea.

Is this Jay's mom?

Huh?

Is this Jay's mom?

No.

Who is this?

This is, this is, you know who you're talking to?

Yeah.

This is Jay's fiance.

Jay's fiance?

Yeah, I'm Tammy.

Oh, hey, let me ask you, I mean, do you guys need representation?

Because I'm calling from the firmness of Dubovian Knight.

No, we don't.

Well, I guess he heard of it, and he wants to take the case pro bono, if you guys are interested.

Do you know what pro bono means?

No, I don't.

It means free.

Like, he'll do the case for, you know, no charge, pro boner.

Does he need representation?

I mean, should I be talking to you or talking to him?

No, I don't think he does.

The only thing he has to do is 40 days in jail, and then he gets out.

He had the probation, and he'll be on probation for two years.

Well, he's probably not going to, he's, you know, I'll be honest with you,

looking at, you know, what we got here from the state,

he's probably not going to get probation.

They're looking at him, he's probably going to have to do four years.

I know that he's in probation because I talked to a probation officer before he went in.

Yeah, but you don't understand that probation officer.

I was with him.

The probation officer lost his 227 license.

So according to this here, Jay's probably going to be doing four months instead,

dead and it would be 24 months of probation yeah my name is jack valentine with the firmness of

the bovian knight we're the public attorney the public attorney the state appointed us to write

you know we're offering services for free but we need to do something quick because if we don't get

on this quick he's probably gonna have to stay there for you know four months instead i had no

No idea what to say.

How much do you weigh?

How much do I weigh?

Yeah.

I weigh 144 and a half pounds.

Okay.

You sound a little bigger.

You can tell me.

No, I weigh 144 and a half pounds.

I like big chicks.

It's okay.

Tell me.

Huh?

I said I like big chicks.

You can tell me.

It's okay.

I weigh 144 and a half pounds.

Would you be willing to eat?

Would you be willing to eat a little bit for me?

Put some, you know, put some meat on them bones?

Well, I am eating, but I can eat and eat and never get it down.

Okay.

Okay, so your fiancé thinks that he's a wizard, is that true?

No, not really.

What does he, I hear, according to this, what just happened just a few minutes ago,

he stood up in front of the parole office, the parole hearing, and said,

I am a wizard, I am the great-grandson of King Arthur, and I refuse to recognize this court.

The judge held him in contempt, and the charges have changed.

Who is this?

Hello?

Yes.

Who is this?

this. I'm with the firmness

of the Bovian Knight.

Gotta go. I made it sound

like he said, I'm Hussein. I refuse

to recognize this.

Oh, man. Fetus Man is

saying if he gives me the number,

will I call his grandparents?

I guess, if you want me to.

Whatever, man.

If you want me to call your

grandparents, I don't know why you'd want to do that.

I don't know if they're really your grandparents or not.

But okay, Chief. Whatever you say, bro.

Warrior says he can take a big mouth.

Exactly. Very good, very good.

That was that. 6.45pm

Eastern Standard Time, Friday

February the 10th. Again,

to remind you, Zolar will be on tonight

I suppose. I wish he'd call in

Zolar, that freak. Zolar, give me

a call, man. Give me a call real quick.

Lift my spirits and give me a report on what you

got planned for tonight. Call

in, bro. See if I can

persuade him to call in.

Quick promo.

okay moving right along what other calls can we do here um cheap lullaby records didn't work for

shit walmart's always fun to mess around with maybe i can get someone in walmart to to take

a bite right back after this let's see if we get walmart on this is the walmart photoshop or just

walmart yeah i was talking earlier that guy tony he said that you guys lost my film

i dropped it off around 12 o'clock for one hour photo he he called right afterwards said that

Did the film got damaged?

You got lost in the machine?

He told me to call back.

What's your last name?

Martinez.

And the first name?

I don't really want to give my first name.

The only problem is now Tony told me that you guys would be able to compensate for the loss.

Well, we just came back from Orlando on a trip to Disney, and those were the pictures.

So I guess you guys are going to pay for the return trip out there.

Tony, I spoke to you.

Tony said that it would be no expense paid.

You know, he'd call in.

He told me to call back and let him know, yeah, we went to Orlando.

We took the pictures on the film.

Let me double check, okay?

Okay.

Hey, buddy, this is Tony.

Yeah.

Tony, yeah.

Tony, who's this?

I called earlier.

I had the problem.

I guess you guys messed up my film, right?

This is Martinez.

You guys messed up my film from the film that we had that we took pictures when we went over there to Florida to Disney World.

Okay.

So you guys are going to pay for another trip, right?

Absolutely.

I was thinking something like that.

Chuck, bring me back to page one.

You dropped off film here for one hour, and what happened?

What are you, some kind of jackass or something?

What do you think, is this a joke?

You think I'm joking around?

No, no.

Why don't you get me a manager on the line right now, because I'm being serious,

and you think I'm joking around, you little punk kid.

I'm not.

No, no, no.

I want to talk to a manager.

I'm going to call back, and I'm going to get you in trouble.

Both of you, they're in the Photoshop.

Okay.

Let's go.

You're welcome to do that.

Okay, let me talk to the manager now, please.

Okay, hang on, okay?

Hurry up.

He's going to put me in a hole forever now.

It's my damn country music.

Country music, my ass.

This music sucks.

Give me about another 30 seconds.

Let me try another number.

Hang on, folks.

Another prank call coming right up.

Okay, folks, we have a special caller on the line.

Let's go ahead.

And hi, is this Carlitos Madhouse?

Oh, what's up, sexy? How you doing there?

I had a frog in my throat, though. I'm sorry.

It's Zolar.

Zolar, host of Zolar Vision. What's up, playa? How you doing, man?

Good, man. I came home from work, and I threw on TCU, and surprise, there was a live show.

And one of my favorite hosts of all, Carlitos, from Carlitos Madhouse.

Yeah, it's amazing. It's amazing, dude. Yeah, I've been on since, like, 3 o'clock.

I went on at 3 p.m.

Well, like at 3.30 p.m.

So I've been on for like, holy shit, dude, like three and a half hours.

I'm almost going on four now.

But my phone, my battery's finally dying.

I've been on too long because the phone battery's dying.

This sucks.

I'm going to have to call you.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

I was just calling in to inspire you to go on even further and try to drag it out for

as long as you can and make it like a marathon show.

Yeah, I want to.

I want to.

What time is it now?

7 o'clock.

That'd be awesome because I could probably get you with like, you know, warm the crowd

up for you because we're not going to have any Dr. Lego tonight.

night. Yeah, no, he sucks, man.

He called in. He called in.

He'll be on tomorrow, he said.

Yeah, but wouldn't he say, like, his dog

ate some wire? Yeah, the

dog chewed the wire to the

wireless router. I don't know.

Is that the equivalent

for a grown-up to say

when he was a child to his teacher, like,

oh, my dog ate my homework? Exactly.

Bullshit answer. Bullshit answer.

But that's okay. We'll give him the benefit of the doubt,

I guess.

So, man, so

So you're on tonight at 10 o'clock, where all systems go?

Yeah, 10 p.m., a live prank call show, Zolar Vision, from 10 p.m. until I pass out.

10 p.m. Eastern, rock on.

That's awesome, man.

That's awesome.

How's your week been?

We didn't get you last week, so this is the first live show from you in two weeks, right?

Yeah, it felt like forever, too, man.

It's the first show I've missed in seven months.

Yeah, well, that's very commendable.

I've missed, too, so so far you're doing better than me.

Well, I like to go on the air, and I like to stay home and put my money away and stuff like that

and see how much I can collect over time.

And, you know, I went out, and I bought myself some really cool gifts.

And I bought this, you know, cool camera and this cool laptop and shit.

So the money doesn't really stay anywhere.

Right.

Gotcha.

Okay.

Cool, cool.

Well, I'm going to have to cut you short because the phone's about to die.

I'm sure you can hear it beeping.

Yeah, I hear it beeping, dude.

And you did a great show, man, because I didn't even take a shower.

Oh, I'm smelling afterwards because of you.

All right, well, go.

Go get that taken care of so you can be all dolled up

because you're going to be doing a radio show.

Excellent.

Good idea.

All right, man.

Take care.

Good to hear from you, bro.

Peace.

Good show, bro.

Hey, likewise.

Thank you.

That was Zolar.

I think the phone's dead.

Yeah, the phone is dead.

That's unfortunate because I just got some requests in.

I might be able to keep going.

Let me see if I can get the other phone to work.

I know the quality of it is a lot crappier,

and that's not a good thing.

What can you do?

It makes the sound quality go down.

Okay, maybe I can hook you guys up with maybe one or two last prank calls before we go.

I think we can do that.

I think I can do that.

Good show, though, man.

I got a lot of good material today.

Fix, who I believe is the person who created the dead soundboard,

has asked me to call a Mexican dude, a Mexican family.

Guy's name is Jesus.

Jesus they have four kids named Jesus Carlos Maggie and some weird name father is not home

right now he's at work so the kid in charge is Jesus and has to speak to the mom because

their mom is bad with English all right that's always fun I got an idea for that here comes

that call right now hang on folks uh senor Montalvo Jesus he's not here right now his

mom there oh what is this then Maggie Maggie how you doing Maggie it's good it's good talk

you now then it's good talk you now how was it over there with uh carlos baggy other jesus over

there uh tamales and sauce uh sperm milk sperm milk well how was it over there with the thing

the cut in half in the middle how do you do it ham sandwich what do you like you like turkey

sandwich pork ham beef do you like to pull the hair in the bottom of your feet i heard you got

hair in the bottom of your feet you know what gives you hair i got hair in the bottom of my

i got hair in the bottom of my feet baby you know what i can do with my feet can make my

feet go like this that means right can make my toes go like this

that's all women want you know no woman can resist that for me when i go like this

you like that you don't like it when one man goes like that like

no there's one time these two chicks were kissing in front of me

these two chicks were kissing in front of me and i started going like this

And you know what they started doing?

You know.

They don't care.

You know what the scissor grind is?

Yeah.

Have you done it?

You know how you do the scissor grind, right?

How you do it?

You tell me.

You already know.

What do you want to know?

No, I don't know how.

I'm trying to find out.

I've been calling around to get people to tell me how you do the scissor grind.

Who is this?

You sound hot, yo.

Yo, I heard you're a big-ass slut, my guy.

Your brother, Brother Lowe's, told me.

Your brother, Lowe's, told me.

Brother Lowe's?

Lowe's, yeah.

I call him Lowe's.

You know Carlito? He said you let him peel it back.

What?

He said you let him peel it back. You know what I mean?

What?

You know, peel that squack back.

Come on, what is scissor grind? Just tell me what the scissor grind is. I'm dying to know.

I'll tell you if you tell me who this is.

My name is Jesus Montalvo.

Now look, man, my nigga over here told me to give you a call that you was mad cool and everything,

and that he heard that you had done the scissor grind before, so to call you and find out.

So what's up? Just tell me.

But you know how to do the scissor grind, right?

So why?

You put, how do you do, like, two scissors, right?

You don't know how to do shit.

You're a fucking liar.

That's the problem with you Mexicans.

I said that's the problem with you lazy Mexicans.

I'm Colombian.

Yeah, I'm Colombian.

You dirty Mexicans ruining it for everybody over here.

Get off my phone.

Can you smell your fingers?

I want to hear you smell your fingers like this.

Can you do that?

You're not gonna do nothing for me, apparently, lazy Mexican. Whatever.

Probably steal from me, though. Probably steal from me, huh?

Stole my heart. I said bitch.

I gotta go. Go the hell away, okay? Shut up.

Alright. Adios, mi amor.

Se acabó. Yes, go ahead.

Scissor grind. No.

I'm a guy who wants to know about the scissor grind.

How you fight? Where are you? Fly. I'm hot.

I know karate. Have you ever mentioned El Cairo?

Yeah, I know Los, man. We go way back, man.

I got him his first pussy.

I got him his first pussy, yo.

Alright, look, I gotta go. You're talking too much.

You're not helping me out.

I want to know what Cisgrant is, but you don't have to tell me, so...

Bye, bitch.

What's that song? That's an outcast song.

Where's your fucking echo? There we go. That's better.

Her parents had to board up her windows to stop guys from sneaking in at night.

Huh. Wow.

That's a report from the gossip mill.

I don't know if that's true.

But if that's true, then she obviously has had the sex before.

She said she hasn't. Little liar.

Lying bitch.

Stupid ass bitch.

Nothing to say about her.

I don't know her from Paul.

Okay, so I guess I can't keep doing prank calls.

So that was for you, Fix.

Thank you, dude.

Nice call.

Nice number.

Didn't go too far, but I did what I could.

I've exhausted Lonesome Loser's numbers.

He hasn't confirmed in a while.

He hasn't been around in a while.

This one goes out to Maggie.

it's 7.05 I'm gonna call it a night dudes

I've been on for like

fucking going on 4 hours now

I'm tired I don't do shows like this

and I did a show last night until 1 o'clock

so thank you everybody like I said keep listening tonight

night. You'll catch Zolar at 10.

Keep listening to PCU. We have a live

show every week. Visit

madhouselive.com as well

as kdkprankcalls.com.

Yeah, and email me after the show if you like what

you heard. Madhouseradio

at gmail.com. And that's it.

Nothing else. Thank you to everybody who

called in tonight. Big thank

you goes out to

Lonesome Loser for

confirming numbers for me all the way up starting

from fucking 3 p.m. and shit.

That's crazy.

God, who else has called in?

We had so many callers.

We had Reclude, Dr. Lego, The Dead, Zolar's called in tonight.

That Jonathan guy called in tonight.

I'm sure I'm forgetting a lot of people.

Well, we took a lot of callers tonight, today, tonight.

We took a lot of callers today.

We did a lot of good things.

We even talked to The Dead's mom and plenty of pranks.

So that's it for the evening.

We'll catch you guys here next week.

week, I'll be on, I suppose, well, the next time I'll be on, probably Tuesday afternoon, around 3

p.m., we'll try to do this again, uh, Thursday nights at 10 p.m. is Madhouse, and, uh, I'll shoot

for next Friday again, it's been a great experience, Friday at 3 p.m., like I said, as long as I'm

unemployed, I'll be doing a show, so that's it, thank you everybody, thank you Lego for the server

space, KDK, Madman for the chat room, you know who you are, bye!

I got your dirty laundry.

I got your dirty laundry over here.

Who is it?

My face.

I got one person right here, and that person's in the red.

Can't stay in your car.

You're like calling me from block number.

That ain't no block number.

It was hang up.

I don't know.

Hey, I heard your whole conversation.

Don't make me call the police.

Yeah, you know what's up.

Yeah, I got you.

I'm going to blackmail you.

Here.

Drive turkey, you bitch.

Yeah, boy.

You drive turkey motherfuckers.

Who the fuck you talking about?

I'm about to come whoop some ass and I don't even know who the fuck you talking about.

How much you going to cost you guys?

Take some of that over here to the taxi cab.

Taxi cab, come somebody up, I'm going to whoop your goddamn ass.

I'm the best in your goddamn mother.

What?

Your mother.

You mother fucker, how you like that?

You nigga.

You nigga, motherfucker.

I ain't nagging you.

Really?

I'm talking about the phone.

This is a white man.

You don't want to hear from no goddamn niggers calling me in the fucking middle of the night.

Listen, boy.

Listen, boy, I'll show you a boy in a 12-gig shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen, cracker, listen here, cracker, listen here, cracker.

You got that, honky?

I'll show you some fucking three-letter, motherfucker.

I'll see you here, I'll see you here.

Are you Michael Frazier?

Man, this ain't Michael Frazier, man.

This is man from the right, man.

Look, let me just ask you real quick.

First of all, why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you, you stupid bitch.

What the fuck are you doing, man?

Indian holiday.

I like chicken.

You are to Hickson Street?

Yes, sir.

Yes.

Can you bring me some chicken?

No, I cannot bring you chicken.

You are delivering.

To the K, yo.

I know, but we don't have a delivery.

Can you dip a wing in your pocket and run it up to me?

Yeah, but I'm only one over here.

I cannot drop a chicken on you.

We would give you a couple hundred dollars, though.

Even though, guys.

Are you ready?

How much do I have to go for?

Just pretend I'm sitting on you, okay?

No problem.

Okay.

I don't know.

I've got to go.

Please do wash your hands.

Yeah, yeah.

Some kind of life you have where you have to do this stuff.

This is a very interesting radio you have.

Very interesting radio thing if you have that, you know,

because it just shows me that you have, like, nothing going.

No, I've got plenty.

This is what we do, man.

I do this all the time.

This is what you do, like, you know what I mean?

Talk stupid.

Yeah, yeah.

It's your family, huh?

People actually listen to this shit.

People, everybody.

Not everybody, because anybody with a half a brain that I know don't.

Anybody with a half a brain would listen to this show instead of eating your shitty-ass pizza.

How old are you?

Thirteen.

Yeah, fucking right.

You sound like you're fucking eighteen or nineteen.

Thirteen, I said.

Yeah, right.

Yes, I was born thirteen years ago, last Friday.

Mm-hmm.

Damn.

Hang it up, and you better not call.

Do you have stripes in your underwear?

Do I have what?

Stripes in your underwear.

What the fuck?

Come on, let me talk to your sister.

man. Be a pal. No! Have you ever seen your sister naked? No!

Calls (27, 1 h 34 min of 4 h 7 min)

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