2006-02-28 Show

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Oh my god there's some thorns in that bag. Otherwise you're in bad fucking trouble.

Hey T-Bone!

What tape?

Jefferson Rapala White Rabbit.

You want me to uh, throw this thing into the tub when White Rabbit peaks?

Is that it?

It runs four.

Test, testing, testing, testing.

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Skins. That's all I want is the skins.

I can't understand what you're saying.

You know the skin of the chicken?

Uh-huh.

I just want that. I don't want any meat. I just want the fat and the skin and the gristle.

The mac and cheese.

Yeah, and can you put in between two biscuits for me?

You just want the skin?

Just the skins of the chicken, yeah. The skins and the fat.

And put it in between some of those biscuits, and we'll be good to go.

You have any cheese?

Oh, my God. Give me a second.

Hurry up.

He knows how to eat.

I like my man who just eats chicken skin.

I just like the skin, too.

Okay.

Hello.

Yes?

Look, I want to come in for some food, but all I want is the skins.

Just the chicken skins.

Just the chicken skins?

Just the chicken skins and some biscuits.

I'm going to show you what it's...

Well, what can we talk here?

Well, the best chicken we want.

The really fat, the fatty pieces.

Fat?

Yeah, the ass of the chicken.

Uh, how many, how many, how many pieces of fat would you like, sir?

Uh, as, as much as you can spare.

Huh?

As much as you can spare.

And, are you, are you tossing up?

Oh, no, that's what I'm saying, I can't spare shit.

Well, no, I know, but what you got available, don't, and don't talk shit.

Don't say the shit word, please.

Why not? You're saying it too.

I didn't say shit.

Say it right now.

When did I say shit?

He tricked you.

Oh!

He tricked you!

Wait, but I'm not saying shit.

Okay, you tricked him.

Now you're just talking shit, bitch.

I'm not worried.

Look, look, I'm hungry, man.

I just need to talk food.

That's it.

That's all I'm thinking about.

All right, all right, all right.

Let's talk food business.

All right.

Okay, I got it, I got it.

20 pieces of chicken fat.

How much are you willing to pay for a piece?

I don't know.

I'll give you...

How much do you want to spend?

A dollar.

I'll give you $6 for the whole thing.

Well, $8.

You want it?

No, I want it.

I don't know.

Just naked.

Whatever, man.

I don't know what you're saying.

I don't know what you're talking about naked.

It's a trick.

He's trying to trick you again.

Hey, do you know how much food you can buy in Mexico at $8?

It's like a dick.

He got pissed off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's like, dude, you went too far, man.

I was just playing with you, and you said something about Mexico.

You don't talk about Mexico.

You've just been listening to a sample of The Madhouse.

If you like what you hear, be sure to listen in every Thursday night at 9.15 p.m. on PCU Radio,

Your number one source for live and recorded prank calls.

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Who's this?

I need to speak with Manuel, Laura.

He doesn't live here.

Hey, I'm hungry.

Now, talk to me.

Is this who this is?

This is Mary Dominguez.

We're apartment managers.

Who's this?

this? Ms. Dominguez, I need to talk to you. I need an apartment. You need an apartment? Yes. Now,

I weigh about 700 pounds. Do you have doors that are wide enough? And it needs to be a bottom floor

and I need a very large tub. And you need to provide it because you're an equal opportunity

lender and an equal opportunity employer. I also want to apply for a job and you need to hire me.

If you don't hire me, then it's because I'm a fat man. And what is your name? My name is Carlito,

Carlito, Carlito Brigante, and...

Carlito...

Brigante.

No, no, no, B?

Wait a minute, let me get a pencil and paper.

There we go.

Did you call to talk to Manuel?

Yes, I did.

But, um, someone told me that Manuel is at the other property to try here.

Asked for him, if not, just to speak to, um, to, uh, I didn't write the number down.

I was really hungry at the time.

Do you have a pen yet?

I have a pen.

Now I'm looking for paper.

what

is your name again i just want some pancakes tonight god my name is carlito last name is

brigante would you like me to spell it for you ma'am okay spell it for me please b as in breast

r as in romance i as in insistence g as in gay gay as in anus and oh come on i'm gonna hang up

up on you hi you've just been listening to a sample of the madhouse if you like what you hear

be sure to listen in every thursday night at 9 15 p.m on pcu radio for number one source for live

and recorded prank calls for more information visit madhouse live.com or kdk prank calls.com

hey hey you didn't take the update no i took it two weeks ago man that's probably what the

What the fuck's wrong, dude?

Oh, dude, awesome.

Well, no, we're good then.

Okay, no, this update came out last night.

No, it didn't come out.

This update's old, man.

This update was on the 13th.

Oh, shit, I don't know.

Well, it's working, though.

All right, look here.

Because if I were to take the update, we'd lose it.

Let's keep it, you know?

It's 1.3 version 143.

All right, I don't know.

It's working, dude.

Don't worry about it, man.

We're good.

All right, if it goes down, then I'll have to do the update.

Yeah, because that's probably what happened last week.

Because I took the update, man.

man. Yeah, let's just keep it for now. I got updated

on the 13th. It was like the

14th is when I updated. Oh, okay.

Hey, dude, I got six minutes to eat dinner,

so I'm gonna keep playing music here. But we're on Galaxy

right now. Nobody's listening to Galaxy. They got zero

listeners. So, tune in.

Alright. You sound great, too,

by the way. You're coming in perfect, man. Just leave it on, then,

man. Don't turn this fucking thing off, whatever you do.

No, no, I'm leaving it on. Yeah, I'm just saying our levels are

perfect, and now we keep it as our sound test. We got, like,

six, seven minutes till we start, so. Yeah.

Alright, man. Hey, send me the phone card.

I'll be back. Hey, send me the phone card.

it all right okay yeah i got it all right all right all right bye hey hey don't hang up no no

no i'm just gonna put the mac on me while i eat while i get my food you did not email me a fucking

burger you bastard i didn't i just got some i just i mean i threw some chicken breast in a

microwave it should be done if not i'm gonna get salmonella i don't know but why hell fucking

email me that i'm hungry here jesus christ i'll throw i'm gonna throw a few extra bucks in there

on that money orders all i got is beans man but i you know i fucking shit the inside of my

man test all right talk to you in a minute bye all right man i'll be back all right all right

jesus christ do it 40 in hawaii street i cannot bring your chicken we don't have our delivery

what the fuck a to the k yo a to the ksc i know but we don't have uh yo just delivery can you

dip a wing in your pocket and run it up to me my leg is broken you're doing a rap record up in

oh even though but you know we doing a video you know what i mean we need some asian backup people

and some kfc yeah but i'm only one over here i cannot uh drop a chicken on you we would give

you a couple hundred dollars though even though guys even though you could shut down for a minute

run me over some run me over some drumsticks put yourself in the video you know like two live crew

The crew did with the miso horny, you know, Asian sample.

Oh, we had a chicken.

You know, horny.

We love you long time.

Hello?

Yes.

I cannot deliver a chicken.

Listen, you sound like a visionary warrior to me.

I don't care, bro.

You got the KFC crispy?

No, we didn't have.

What you got?

We only the original chicken.

Could you bring a black man some original chicken on a video?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

You don't like rap music?

I don't know.

You don't like?

MBC, MBC.

you've just been listening to a sample of the madhouse if you like what you hear

be sure to listen in every thursday night at 9 15 p.m on pcu radio your number one source for

live and recorded prank calls for more information visit madhouse live.com or kdkprankcalls.com

Yo, yo, yo

Yo

Alright, kick in the stream

Yeah

I'm kicking the stream, okay?

Alright

Hey Milkman, guess what?

3, 2, 1, kick

Yeah, I'm up to priority on it

Grits and groceries, right?

You got it

Oh, you gonna make up your mind or what?

Make up my mind about what?

Is it grits or is it groceries or is it liquor?

It's grits and groceries liquor

So I can go in there get some grits right now you got cheese grits or ham grits or what we got them in the

Pick you can buy them and take them home

Fuck that shit, man. I want you to make my grits for me make grits then why you have grits in your first name

Oh asshole. Why are you asking questions because I'm if I'm gonna drive down there

I'm gonna not waste my gas. I'll tell you what gas is expensive there old boy. Oh, I want you

It sure is what it is. Well shit. I think it's false advertising. You say that the first thing you sell is great

I ain't got time to listen to all this bullshit.

What you want?

How do you make grits?

If I go down to get a pack of grits, you eat grits, fat boy, or what?

Yeah, I eat grits.

All right, how am I going to make the water?

I take this bag of grits and throw it in some water?

How do I do it?

I don't give a damn how you make them.

You can do it any way you want to.

You're a fat fucker, aren't you?

I know I ain't a fat fucker.

I'm a pretty good fucker, though.

What did you just say to me?

I said I'm a pretty good fucker, though.

How dare you talk to me like that on the phone?

I dare you to talk to me that way.

You just said the F word.

I'm just calling for some grits.

Who the hell is this?

This is Bo.

Bo.

Bo Steen.

Write it down, you fat fucker.

Bo Steen.

How do you know I'm a fat fucker?

Because I can hear it in your big, fat, wally-ass voice.

You gravy-chinned moth.

What can I hear in your wally-ass voice?

You hear it?

Yeah, I'm a homosexual.

I hear a bunch of bullshit.

That's what I hear.

I'm going to go down there and make you eat my shit out of my ass.

And it has semen mixed in it.

I got a damn .38.

It says you ain't going to make me do a damn thing.

Oh, I got you on tape threatening me.

It's over.

You better give me some free liquor.

I ain't giving you shit.

Well, I'm going to go down there and give you some shit.

I'm going to punch you in the mouth, you fat redneck.

No, you ain't.

I'm going to go down there.

You're going to make me some grits, and I'm going to have sex with you.

How are you going to go down there?

I ain't down there.

I'm up here.

I said down there, because I'm up here north.

I'm in New York.

Oh, who is this?

I told you.

My name is Bo Steen.

I don't know Bo Steen.

Well, I'm a good old boy from town, and I'm going to go down there.

You're going to make me some grits.

What?

Which town?

The town that you're in, you stupid asshole, Chesterfield.

You ain't know where the hell you're at, boy.

Well, that don't make no change, ring no bell with me.

You're such a goddamn homosexual, you don't even know what town you live in anymore.

You're a damn lying son of a bitch, too.

You're a stupid cock and you're a liar.

Hey, if you don't tell me what the hell you want and what you called me for, I'm going to hang up.

I want some grits, I said.

G-R-E-T-Z.

I told you you could go to the grocery store anywhere and get grits.

Well, I want grits from your place because your place says grits.

I ain't going to sell you none.

I don't like your attitude.

You don't even know who I am.

I'm going to go down there and force you.

I said I didn't know, and I'm fixing to hang up.

You don't need me to sell me no grits.

You're going to make it for me for free.

Then I'm going to use it as lubrication to have anal sex with you.

No, you're not having no anal sex with me.

Yes, I am.

You're going to like it, too.

No, you're not.

It's going to be just like when your cousin was in town.

What cousin?

Your cousin.

Your cousin, girlfriend, mother, sister, wife.

Walter?

Your cousin, boyfriend, mother, sister, wife, cousin.

I ain't got time for this bullshit. I'm working.

I'm gonna pull all your pubic hair out and make a sandwich and make you eat it in front of me with grits.

You can go to hell, too.

You can go to hell, you damn Republican.

Who is this?

This is Bo Steen, I said.

Who is this?

Bo Steen.

I don't give a damn. I don't know Bo Steen.

Why are you asking what my name is, you crack-ass cracker?

What's your name?

This is Bo Grits.

We lost him.

Garcia, ABC Star.

Yes, hi.

I was wondering if you'd like to make a donation

to the homosexual movement of South Carolina.

What did I just get through telling you?

That you wouldn't make me...

I don't want you called back here anymore.

Look, boy, I'm going to have sex with...

Don't call me no boy.

I ain't no boy.

I'm old enough to be your father, boy.

I'm going to go down there and force you...

Well, I said I didn't know, but I'm fixing to hang up.

You mean you can throw me no grits.

You're going to make it for me for free.

I'm going to use it as lubrication to have anal sex with you.

No, you're not having no, you know, sex.

Yes, I am.

You're going to like it, Luke.

No, you're not.

It's going to be just like when your cousin went to town.

Cousin.

Cousin, girlfriend, mother, sister, wife.

There goes the challenge of being chased by the blue, blue meanies on wheels.

The vicious traffic squad cars are after our lone driver.

The best American hero, the elected centaur, the demigod, the super driver of the golden west.

Two nasty Mexicans are close behind the beautiful normal driver.

The police numbers are getting closer, closer, closer to our solo hero in his solo wheel.

Yeah, baby, they're about to strike.

They're going to get him, smash him, rip him.

Man, for reasons.

Different people, we're not what you see.

We're not Spartans.

We're Americans with a capital A, huh?

You know what that means, do you?

It means that others were kicked out of every decent country in the world.

We wretched refuse.

Hang up, Carlito. Hang up, Carlito.

Smoke weed every day.

Today is Thursday.

Come a God.

Oh, you're a God, too.

God?

Which one?

He thinks he's Jesus.

It's not bad, but...

Oh, perhaps not. When he decides to announce it to the Lord, he is mad. They'll knock him up.

We'll have the Republic back. My friend, this could be the best thing that ever happened.

Those who believe life here began out there across the universe.

Tribes of humans who may have been the forefathers of the Egyptians, the Baltics, or the Mayans.

They may have been the architects of the great pyramids or the lost civilizations of Lemuria or Atlantis.

Some believe that there may yet be brothers of man who even now fight to survive somewhere beyond the heavens.

There will be no order, only chaos.

That being said, grab a blunt, take a big hit, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

Exclusive of PCU Radio and MadHouseLive.com.

Flight controllers, listen up.

Give me a go, no, go for launch.

Booster.

Retro.

Vital.

Go fly.

Guidance.

Guidance go.

Surgeon.

Go flight.

E-com.

We're go fly.

GNC.

We're go.

Tell me.

Go.

Control.

Go fly.

Procedures.

Go.

Inco.

Go.

FAO.

We are go.

Network.

Go.

Recovery.

Go.

Capcom.

We're go fly.

Launch control.

This is Houston.

We are go for launch.

drug real from real real chris i take it today first of all um when you shut the hell once you

shut the hell up fuck you fuck you fucking paper shit maybe he's only a little crazy

like painters or composers or or some of those men in washington

It's speak English, America.

You son of a bitch, you motherfucking.

I never speak in Spanish.

No, you speak English, I see.

You motherfucking.

Go ahead, man.

Motherfucker, you.

You bitch.

Don't never call a game to this boy, man.

Mow my lawn.

You motherfucking.

Why are you so angry?

What's my quality?

Fuck you, man.

Right now.

We're not alone.

We're the A's.

It's a bizarre circus.

And I'm your boy, Young Miles, the future.

And my man's about to get it crackin' for y'all.

Motherfuckin' cat kickin' the nasty, dirty, filthy rap.

Hey, good evening, everybody.

Welcome to live music.

I say, I say, I say.

Welcome to the Madhouse.

It's me here, Carlito, your host.

And, of course, the venerable, the elderly Milkman.

How you doin', buddy?

What do you say, Milkman?

Man, how's it going?

All right, man, we ready to roll some out, baby.

Milkman, hook us up with a little bit of the Rascal Scooter, why don't you?

No, we've lost the Milkman.

Flatline.

He'll be back in a second.

There you go.

What's up, man?

No.

We lost you for a second there.

I'm all right, man.

All right, all right.

No, I was...

I did?

Oh, okay.

I must have blinked for a second.

Sorry about that.

Yeah, did you pass out again?

I guess so, man.

That big hit I got there on the beginning there when that bomb was above me, that just

about knocked me down, man.

I might be using that shit.

It'll do that to you, man.

It'll do that to you.

Hang on, I'm busy right now trying to activate the toll-free line.

Okay, come on.

It's already activated, so yay.

Good for you, guys.

Activate me a burger while you're over there in the sack, too.

Oh, yeah, a burger.

I'll activate it out of my ass.

I'm kidding.

I'm kidding you, man.

I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

Fuck.

Anyway, so yeah.

Excuse me.

We're here on the Madhouse, and it's a Tuesday night show.

I'm not going to make it this Thursday, and I didn't even announce it last week, and I knew about it.

Shame on me.

So a lot of people don't even know.

They're going to be tuning in.

Oh, you're not?

No.

And what's the reason there, Master Carlito?

Because my girlfriend, my beautiful girlfriend, Athena, will be flying in to give me a conjugal visit for four days.

Pretty cool.

Exactly.

I get a four-day conjugal visit with my girlfriend while she takes a break.

Damn, son.

You're lucky, boy.

That's nice.

Yeah, and then she's going to Amsterdam after that.

that. Whoa, she's going to Amsterdam. She's going to Amsterdam for two weeks. Can you

believe that? You know, should I be worried about that? Is, is Amsterdam, I know it's

one of those places where you can get weed and shit like that. Oh, dude, you can get

everything, man. All the, like, you can go up and, and, like, win the shot for your sex

and everything, but. Yeah, well. Is she into art? Is she into art? Yeah, I guess. I don't

know. Okay, well, there's really some really nice art exhibits. She may, you know, she

may be just going just, just to say she went, you know, but. Honestly, I don't think, I

I don't even know what she's into

I don't even care

She wouldn't tell you

I just don't care

Get you on the curb

And take the cats from you

To be honest with you

I just fuck her

That's kind of rude I'm sorry

I didn't mean that if she's listening

Sorry baby I didn't mean that

Be nice

Yeah yeah

She should not have left me that bitch

Anyway, so you can catch us on AOL Instant Messenger at Madhouse Radio.

Again, if you're using AOL Instant Messenger, you can hit us up at Madhouse Radio.

Excuse me while I take a sip of my beer.

Most importantly, yeah, we're on normally Thursday nights,

but this Thursday you can catch a special edition, I guess, of Cableman's Crazy Talk

because he was willing to trade with me that night.

I'll be going down to the airport this time on Thursday.

so i i thought cool yeah so i thought it probably would be best just to um take the night off and

spend it with my girlfriend and all that yeah you gotta have the night on don't talk to me like

that yeah i know i've got some pending business to attend to that night i'm sorry guys but i hear

you man and i'm hey i i'm as dedicated to pcu as katie k and and milkman are but i didn't

And there comes a point where, hey, you know what I mean?

There's some things that come above that.

You got to look out for that little head.

Yep, yep.

The big headache and the big head.

Mm-hmm.

And already there's like four people in the chat room tonight

already been asking,

Madhouse is on Tuesdays now?

What the hell, man?

Oh, my God.

I don't get it.

Remember, the last time I had to take a night off.

You want to look at the schedule?

The last time I took, yeah, the last time I took a night off,

everybody thought that it was the last episode altogether.

together i was like no man it's just i can't do a daytime show anymore but yeah people people

forgotten stuff uh new new city's recording this show and is going to send it to athena well thank

you new new you're always so so uh loyal to me just like you british loyal loyal british

certainly never be nice yeah come on man bros don't shit in the total man don't talk shit

about oh whatever yeah whatever man he's a bitch anyway he's just trying to get in your pants

Did you see that clip, man?

He sent me the latest Danny clip, man,

the Tarantulas, dude.

Don't talk shit about Toto!

Hang on, I might be in trouble.

I'm trying to open up this window.

Oh, okay. Athena's online. I don't know if she just

heard that. I think she's not able to listen to the show.

She sent

me a link to something, actually, apparently.

Oh, okay. She sent me a link to some

stuff. They were

doing some rally out there tonight

over where she's at with

Greenpeace, so she's sending me pictures to that.

check those out that's cool excuse me anyway so let's get moving on madman says people wish

they were my conjoined twin well good um you can uh hit us up in the chat room if you'd like to

send me a request for a prank call at kdkprankcalls.com again that's kdk as in kill death

death kill kdk prank calls dot com uh join the chat room there at the chat link you can also

go to the home page for the madhouse which is madhouse live.com again that's madhouse live.com

milkman with uh you got a home page pending man i gotta give you a section of my on my

i gotta give you milkman.madhouselive.com do you want that man i'll totally do that for you

you can be milk at yeah man i'd like to have a page because i got some shit i would put on there

just to be different you know and have some funny shit some crazy shit yeah right okay yeah we'll

all get with you we'll see if we can do milk.madhouselive.com for you or something i'll

get you access just you know just like you know just a extra page you know just up it off the

main page or something yeah whatever we'll talk we'll talk but yeah no problem okay oh yeah no

yeah hey so like i said every everybody um out there you can also send your prank request to me

on email at madhouse radio at gmail.com again that's madhouse radio at gmail.com uh now i

already gave the aol name that's madhouse radio if you're using uh yahoo instant messenger you can

hit us up at madhouse pcu radio and if you are using msn messenger you can reach us at madhouse

pcu radio at hotmail.com athena says she was listening to me so there you go nunu uh-huh

i'm in trouble now guess who's in trouble now huh anyway so milkman how's your week been i mean it

just started normally i'm usually winding up the week for everybody handing us into friday and

i'm actually handing us into hump day this week this is the first for me

What does Wednesday mean to you?

Wednesday is always the night to kick it off

Pick Smith in a decent meal

Kind of ride it out because it's downhill for the rest of the week

Basically all my tasks and trials are out of the way by Wednesday

Thursday and Friday

Friday basically is what we call our Sabbath day at work

but you know no one fucking does yeah yeah exactly yeah that's that's that's the official

slack day for me at least exactly you know what the nice thing of it is you know we don't even

like to start work here until at least after the first 9 30 break you know so you know if we get

started right about 10 o'clock then you know you got to get ready pick your break before lunch and

then lunch happens say so you know we could go yeah exactly yeah 1 1 30 you know everybody's

It's kind of like in a big slump and sleeping in shit.

Yeah, yeah.

From the big meal and stuff, you know, and shit.

Before you know it, it's time to go.

So basically nobody does any work in the Caribbean, right?

Well, I wouldn't say that.

It's just we don't like to admit it or be caught doing it very often.

It does happen.

Yeah, it's not the fashionable thing to do is be busy with work or be stressed out.

Well, that's cool.

Oh, hell no.

Yeah, I got to move down there.

But then again.

That's what I'm talking about, dude.

We got this thing called cruising time, okay?

Now, once you get down here, first time you get down here, you're going to laugh your ass off, dude,

because everything down here is called cruising time.

Right.

It's cool, man, because it's like, you know, somebody says, hey, you know, we're going to show up.

We're going to be there at that time.

You know, you might as well go ahead and add, like, an hour, maybe two hours onto that.

Oh, yeah.

The same thing happens in Puerto Rico.

They call Puerto Rican time over here.

Exactly, yeah.

It's the same thing.

It's really just this whole Caribbean thing, you know?

Yeah.

Fuck you.

Yeah, my white friends have never understood that.

Athena never understands that.

She's gotten into the habit now when I have to be somewhere at some time.

If she's made, let's say, reservations for us to have dinner or something like that for 7 o'clock at night,

she'll tell me, okay, we have reservations for 6.

So, you know, with rushing, I'll get there at 6.30, and then as soon as we get there,

she's like, there's no need to rush.

We actually have reservations for 7.

You know what I mean?

She knows ahead of time.

She's learned the Puerto Rican time thing.

You've got to love her for that.

She applies, man.

She's smart, dude.

She's a smart chick.

She's a smart chick, and that's why I'm one of her things.

Yeah, exactly.

Anyway.

That's great.

Well, I guess you should join the chat room.

Hi, Athena.

Oh, shit.

I hope you can hear me.

Oh, yeah, there she is.

Hey, Athena, welcome in.

Yay.

Welcome into chat room.

Yay.

Okay, speaking of the chat room, we've got quite a bit of people in here.

KDK.

And in room only.

yeah kdk as in as in clan we got a racist in here tonight nick griffin who griffin how hitler baby

nick griffin that's new new man don't listen to him who's nick griffin i don't even know who the

hell nick griffin is is that like a nazi or something or is that one of the people from

that's that freaking nazi yeah man okay the convention we was gonna you know we would have

called him but like the convention and shit wasn't on our night right it so i think zola or somebody

else ended up calling them lucky bastards but anyway so they did a couple calls at nick griffin

i don't know if it's like a uk like skinhead or what but it's funny as shit though it was some

good calls i laughed my ass off oh my god dude did you hear oh i i'm sure a few people actually

stuck around the end of the zolark show i don't know like five or six in the freaking morning

he told this fucking story about his first play dude i was in tears all right tell me about this

because here's what happened i was i wasn't feeling well and i passed out um i'd say around

11 o'clock and i tell you what i woke up to go to the bathroom feeling sick and and i and i could

still hear the stream going and i heard zohar finishing the show and i was like holy fucking

shit it's like 6 a.m almost so i sat down and i'm reading the chat when people are just sitting

there oh my god this is like the funniest story ever what exactly happened what is this i'm not

I'm not going to spoil it for you because I'm going to send it to you.

I actually got it.

I've got it here on the file.

Oh, well, hell.

Well, send that shit.

I'll bring it down to BR.

But basically, it was like the story of first time he got laid.

I don't know how much of it's funny.

It's just for comedy.

But either way, it's a funny fucking story.

He was like 10 years old.

And he proposes that some 18-year-old girl or something was hitting on him or something.

He was looking at her and stuff.

stuff and something kind of went down with this 18 year old girl when he was 10 right and like

he'd like to spring this first witty or something you know he just figured out what a stiff he was

and next thing supposedly he was like you know hooking up with this broad so are you serious

it was what that's what he claimed okay you know all the best stories are you know have a have a

good healthy dose of bullshit exactly yeah yeah everything every story has a bunch of yeah read

Read the Bible.

Hey, here's my buddy, Lifey.

Hey, welcome back.

All right.

Our buddy from down in Australia is listening.

Oh, good.

Australia and the hizzy.

Represent.

Represent all the hussies.

Yeah.

So anyway, he went down with this bitch, I guess, in the exchange oral, okay?

And while she was doing him, she was watching the clock, okay?

And this is like the quick version of it.

If you hear the details, you're going to cry, dude.

I'll send it to you later.

Okay.

Yeah.

So it came his turn, and whenever it was his turn, she, like, I guess it was, like, you know, during the 70s.

So he's, like, somewhere, you know, near our age.

Okay.

And this is back in the day.

Okay, well, back in the day, man, in the 70s, in the early 80s, you know, girls didn't shave that shit, you know what I mean?

All that stuff was, like, dude, there wasn't VCRs and all that shit.

I mean, you know, like, you know, if you had a thousand bucks, you could buy, you know, a videotape recorder, you know, a VCR, you know, at home, you know, and beta was, like, a thing, you know.

there was like

Swiss erotica

there was all that shit

there really wasn't

nothing like what you got

it was all fucking magazines

there was no

porno industry

as it exists now

basically

well there was

but it was still

magazines and like

8mm films

and like

and CD like

freaking

video

like CD theaters

and stuff

you couldn't take it home

with you

you know what I mean

there wasn't even a CD

invented back then

CD was still a dream

well there wasn't

the videotape

yeah

well you know what they say

it wasn't even videotape

It was on fucking film, dude.

I don't even know if they have it anymore, but back when I was in school, there used to be these movie projectors, dude.

They had these great big rolls of film, and it's maybe about half the size of what you actually would see if you've ever been to a real movie theater and you've ever been to a projection.

Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

It's probably about half that size.

I'll tell you, I don't think they exist anymore, but when I was going to middle school, we still had them in middle school.

High school, no.

no high school we were at the videotape 100 middle school it was 50 50 and then elementary school it

was still all those big projectors or or they had these new ones that came out were like a small

roll of film like a very small one and it and it was just like a like a small projector and it had

a cassette tape on the side of it also that played the music all right okay anyway so you guys you

guys kind of were near the crossover anyway but yeah i know what you're talking about i better

get back on the on the point yeah on the point in the 70s bitches didn't shave that shit okay so

yeah you know you got a girl's drawers down man you know she had a big old fuzz ball down there

you know it looks like a damn hornet's nest okay so the girl put it down on him and said come on

down here and pulled his face down there and i guess he got a big whip uh some some uh hairy

stuff big hairy pussy whatever and i guess he from what he says he was like you know he was

for about the first, like, minute or two,

and then all of a sudden, man,

he just, like, went into this, like,

projectile explosive vomit mode, man,

and blew up all over her fucking box,

all over her bed and shit,

and then I guess she, like, chastised him

and threw him out on his ear and shit,

but I'll send this to you, dude.

You'll cry, man.

Here's Olark to actually tell it.

Yeah, okay, yeah.

Well, let's not blow up his spot.

I'm sure he'll probably play it

at the early part on his show Friday,

so, yeah, but try to send that to me, though.

I'll request it from him.

Yeah, send that to me tonight.

You know, wherever Zola comes on on Friday.

If you want to hear that story, you ought to ask him to play it again.

Hopefully he'll have it.

It is one of the funniest stories I've ever heard.

I've heard a lot of war stories, you know.

My old man gave me a bunch of war stories growing up.

There you go.

That's good.

It's a classic.

Definitely a classic.

I requested a second helping.

So definitely I'll see you later.

Let me ask you a question real quick.

I don't know if you ever heard about this,

but have you heard the the theory that you know during the beta and vhs wars you know it's pretty

much just going to happen now with dvds and what are they blu-ray and hd dvd you know what i'm

talking about yeah i know it's talking there's the two separate camps and then once one side of

the industry is going with one and one with the other and they're going to fight it out and one's

going to end up overtaking the other team manufacturer actually you know beta beta was

was the superior format yeah and you know what beta actually used now beta is still used all

the tv stations yeah all their local news i mean that's what we use in all our tv yeah beta i was

i was i was working in uh tape machines i was i was a tape uh i was a tape operator um i did live

news i did elections i did you know pelotons i did all that shit and uh all our stuff was

actually stored on half inch beta cam exactly okay that's like an improved version of it it's about

the size of about half the size of a phone book exactly if you look at a sheet of paper yeah the

actual tape itself it's a half inch stick and uh it's the size it's like the size of a half a sheet

of paper almost exactly okay but i mean it's great it's got time code on it and everything

yeah yeah everything is all you know there's all locked in so whenever you like edit the video

all the time codes and everything lock up you know and then once you do that

and all the video and everything is stable it's beautiful man well anyway

listen okay no go ahead go ahead cuz this is this gets to my point but I

continue cuz yeah okay so the reason that VHS took over was because it had a

longer record time I think a beta tape originally was like maybe half hour 45

minutes you know most it's an hour to two hours and that's the only reason

that uh um vcr vhs became the standard because it had a longer record time even though it had a

much worse uh quality video yeah exactly yeah it's that's what i understand is like the quality is

not as good but it was more supported but there were still little things like here here's one

that i heard and this gets to my point um the porno industry decided to go with vhs for the

reasons that you just explained the time reasons as opposed to the better quality beta and they

said that um when when vhs became widely adopted the porno industry blew up because that meant that

you could get your porno at home in private and watch it on your own instead of having to get in

a car and go down to this theater or something like that you know what i mean like it got to

the point where if you wanted your porn you could get it really conveniently and discreetly at your

home you know what i mean and play it on your tv and and that that was like like the final that was

one of the final nails on the coffin for the beta format but i know yeah they are it is it is still

out there anyway oh yeah i forgot to mention man that's the same thing that's going on now

manufacturer support and basically sony was the one behind beta sony was the first was the first

company a lot of people don't realize this but sony was the first company to ever make a recording

tape you know videotape recorders okay they're called btrs right in the in the in the television

industry or broadcasting they call it btrs not bcrs right and they're half inch uh tape players

and i mean any station you go to from about 75 to 78 on has sony machines in it and that's why

sony is is you know is such a a prevalent thing throughout the industry because they made the

first live tape machine when they back in the 70s and you know it was like everything was like

either live or uh on a film so you know anything to be pre-recorded on the tape was like you know

it was like phenomenal you know everything was done live and that's why saturday night and all

that shit was live there was no way to record it exactly yeah so you know sony ended up taking over

over the commercial market and the home entertainment market became a property of rca rca is the one

that created vhs okay it's a lot higher lower resolution but it has a larger tape reel oh okay

so now i'm so okay so what is it now it's eight blu-ray is sony is doing hdvd right and i think

they've been adopted by by microsoft i'm trying to remember who exactly there's i don't know how

how it works out exactly. Toshiba's in on one

of them. I don't remember who all

I think it's Toshiba against

Hitachi and Sony's on board

with one of them. I think they're on with Blu-ray.

And basically what the Blu-ray is

is it's going to have, it's going to be

kind of like if you've ever seen a mini-disc

player. Some of you guys have seen a PSP

and it's like a floppy disk

really is what it is. It's actually

a high

capacity DVD

that's inside of a case.

so a little window opens

up and then it's been able it's been able to read by the laser heads but the

whole point of it is blue laser higher frequency and can read smaller data hits

in the disk so now instead of it you know like we have now max you can get is

It's like almost 9 gigs out of a DVD where this Blu-ray has smaller hits in it by using a blue laser.

And it can get like up to 30 to 40 megs.

Nice.

See, that's awesome.

But the sad thing is we're going to be, you know what's going to fuck up in the end?

The consumers are going to get fucked up because the ones that pick the one that doesn't survive in the end are going to get fucked over.

You know what I mean?

anybody who bought a

Betamax tape player

thinking oh well this is the

best quality one this is the one I should get

perhaps more expensive what happened

and then they had to buy their own other

VCR anyway and they probably bought a Betamax

it was like $400 or more to buy one

back then in the day and shit

they were expensive but what happened was

the few people that actually

back in the day had the

Betas

went and bought up all the Betatapes from all

shops so they were like giving them away you know they couldn't get rid of them so they were just

like giving them away so basically what's the difference between the two dvd formats is one's

going to be in a case so it's not going to be backwards uh compatible with anything that we

got now you have to have a special drive one that will accept a cassette that has a dvd in it and

it's a high capacity dvd whereas the other one will be able to basically fit in a slot and really

Truly, truly, I mean, you know, the Sony is the format because you can't touch a disc.

You can't scratch it.

It's protected.

And that's the biggest problem that everybody has is that people are lazy and they let their shit get dirty and, you know, get, you know, food on it or whatever.

Exactly.

The worst thing is, is you get these games for these kids.

And I don't know how many times that this has happened.

And to a friend of mine who works in the game, he sells video games.

He works for EB Games, right?

Fuck it.

He says they get so many times these freaking Yenta women or whatever coming in because their ratty-ass kids have scratched up the DVD, you know, the games on CD or DVD for their game systems.

And they'll come in bitching up a storm.

Oh, this game doesn't work.

Well, ma'am, because it's all scratched up.

That's why.

And that's not, you know what I mean?

You can't just return it for that.

You know what I mean?

It's yours.

Yeah.

Yeah, but it's funny enough, Kmart, for $8, for every game you buy, $8, they will replace the game, and it includes accidental scratching, actually.

You can buy a game at Kmart, you pay an extra $8.

If you take that game and you take it out of the case, and the first thing you do is you scratch it on the asphalt outside your home, you can call the toll-free number, and they'll send you a replacement for it.

Oh, my God.

People don't know that.

That's a great deal.

That's really smart of them.

Hey, you know me.

I'm pushing Kmart because anything to fuck over Walmart, to be honest with you, because that's like the evil.

Well, you know, Walmart even has selective stuff that they actually sponsor.

I mean, they only allow certain things on the shelf.

I mean, it's not like, you know, a special de-mixed version, you know, taking out any, you know, cuss words or, you know, anything gay or whatever.

They won't sell it.

so they didn't sell um howard howard stern's book got banned from there as a matter of fact

private parts and miss america got banned from um from walmart they wouldn't sell it

anyway um so yeah let me look at the chat room here uh on the subject we're talking let me say

first of all noon who's in there he's saying it's time for pranks to do it now you know what dude

chill out we're gonna do pranks tonight but it's a tuesday night and and i'm in charge and you just

Just keep listening.

We'll get to your pranks.

Don't worry.

Lonesome Loser, we'll talk about him in a second.

He's got some pranks, some exclusive pranks that we're doing tonight.

Milkman, I need you to call in tonight.

You need to call me here on the hotline because I've got a Milkman grocery home delivery

where a woman answered saying, hello, the Milkman.

I really want you to call that.

We also have El Lachero Milkman in L.A.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, so I want you to do at least one of those calls because we need to get you pranked.

man um and then we also have the madhouse cafe there's the madhouse cafe in pawtucket

rhode island pawtucket isn't that the city in um in a fucking that's that show uh the family guy

isn't that it right there whatever anyway i don't know dude i haven't watched tv in like eight

months now yeah yeah i don't watch it much but it does sound familiar i think it's in new york

isn't it i don't know whatever i don't know i'm sure some of these little hoser kids in the chat

chat room will tell us anyway so speaking of the chat room uh satan is is is giving us some

information and that's what the chair was for man just discuss off the cuff because i i sit here and

i'm on my third beer and it's a tuesday night i'm like fuck it and i'm just bullshitting about

the fucking betamax vhs wars straight up 80s style with milkman anyway yeah man it's the

format war it is the hardware war and we're in the middle one right now and you faggots don't

care you you everybody needs to push these companies to to do cross compatible if you buy

a dvd player in the next five years it should be able to play both formats so you don't end up

getting screwed in the end but no no one's gonna do that i think it would wouldn't be that hard to

adopt the the standard with the case which i actually like that idea but yeah like i said

no one wants to replace a drive but shit the way people are always replacing drives and upping the

speed on them they'll replace them anyway it wouldn't be that hard to make one exactly

and accept the disc too i'm sure they could do it it's just that people want to bitch and try

to keep sony from you know making a better product yeah and that's that's what it's all

about you know because that disc will cost a little bit more but you know what you'll have

is you'll have something that'll be you know preserved nearly forever you know let me let

Let me tell you something.

You can't wipe your ass on it like you can with an app.

You can put a CD down and it's getting across the desk and bounce off the floor.

That's it.

Let me say something real quick here, real quick.

For all the shit that people might talk about Sony as a company and the quality of them as a company and what they do,

I've never been fucked over by Sony.

I've never bought something with the name Sony on it that has not been worth its money.

And I say that.

with it i've i've bought walkman the only reason i stopped using them is because i've they've been

stolen or lost okay i kept them for years i have a sony walkman now about in 2000 it looks ratty

as hell because it's been bounced over everywhere all over inside my car in the in the 98 degree

heat and and fucking everything and it still works like the day it was bought to be honest with you

it's awesome right they invented the cd format okay they invented the cd exactly back in the

the day cd and sony were like interchangeable you know what i mean so that was that was all there

was dude i bought an original yes man one of the like first ones that actually had uh like uh more

than one bit sampling had resampling all that shit didn't skip it had ap repeat all that shit

yeah i'm definitely a sony whore if i see the if i if i sony is one of those brands for me that when

you go to a store and you see something there and you might see this let's say this you might

i see this radio there that you're looking to buy let's say a home home theater system and you'll

see another brand that offers the same stuff for 89 and then you'll see the sony model equivalent

to it doing the same thing but you see that sony stamp on there you know and all it says is sony

and it costs maybe 30 more you're saying to yourself fuck i should get that sony because

i know in the end that's only that's only part of probably gonna fuck up and that's that's what's

What's that called?

Brand name association or something like that?

Whatever the hell.

That's something right there.

That just shows you the quality of product that company comes out with consistently.

You know what I mean?

All these other companies, man, you get fucked over.

And we were trying to do a transfer here and it failed, man.

I don't know what happened.

Try to send that to me again, all right?

Try to send that to me again.

The other one's going.

Okay.

I lost one of them.

Oh, did you repeat the same one?

Did you repeat the same one or something?

No.

Okay.

One of them failed.

Actually, I wanted to send you these before the show, but we got kind of busy there and

I didn't get the chance to send them to you.

But the first one I sent you there will be funny.

It will go with that Gritz call.

Okay, good, good.

Oh, hey, let me point out real quick what KDK is saying here.

He had two Sony PlayStations die on him.

Fuck, that's crazy.

And he says his PS1 still works.

And let me tell you something.

Okay, I'll take back what I said.

Sony, it didn't happen to me, but when the first PlayStations came out,

the first two generations of it

the motherfucker it would burn out

it didn't have enough venting in there

and if you played it for too long

it would burn out the motor

and you had to actually in order to play a game

you would have to turn it upside

down like it would work perfectly

but you had to turn the whole thing upside down

onto the floor you know what I mean

so that's one instance and they were

really like they wouldn't admit to the problem

but it was so definitely a problem you know what I mean

anyway so yeah I had

had the reverse problem is a growth pain you know i mean but on average you know usually you can

grab a sony product and now you're going to yeah have a pretty like a 90 chance that you're going

to have and here's another one and here's here's another thing when people don't understand about

the original playstation and how amazing that story is how what it did for the sony corporation

they pretty much at that point in time they didn't have a lot going for them the cd format

was pretty much wide accepted and uh as a matter of fact everybody was using it well here you know

playstation was actually i don't know if you i don't know how much in the video games you are

but sega genesis sega came out with a sega cd and like i'd say 91 92 wasn't it no no no this is way

before this was 91 92 they had this add-on called the for the genesis called the sega cd so nintendo

Nintendo was going to have wanted to get one done at the same time to stay competitive because at that point it was like, oh, shit, Sega CD, it's so awesome.

Well, in the end, Sega CD was a bunch of crap.

They released very few games and none of them were good.

Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is Nintendo contracted Sony to make the CD add-on for the Nintendo, the Super Nintendo, the Super NES, which was actually going to be called the PlayStation.

station and in the end sony and nintendo got into a fight i think sony wanted to make a penny for

every game sold and nintendo said no way so sony took what they had gotten accomplished they pretty

much copied the whole super nintendo system built upon that and made the playstation that ended up

wiping out nintendo off the face of the earth just about it killed sega number one it fucking

fucking obliterated sega sega sega just makes games now they don't make any video game systems

and they were like that was really the only good thing was yeah they had some decent recognized

titles back yeah in the early days it was it was the old pong playing system bullshit that

calico vision and you had atari came in big the nintendo entertainment system took it over after

the big 80s crash of the video game because every video game was the same when the atari days in

the 80s every game was the same every game was the same people said black and white yeah black

and white bullshit games the first ataris dude had like the big stick you know on it and one like

right and it was one ergonomically designed ripping that thing around trying to hold the

face still on your other hand and get blisters on your fingers and stuff so it was hilarious

yeah so anyway so your nintendo took over after that whole time anyway what i'm trying to get

is that Sony pretty much has, for the most part, destroyed Nintendo.

I don't think Nintendo is even that big of a player anymore

in the video game industry, except for their Pokemon games and shit like that.

For kids, they're a kid market.

Believe it or not, you ain't going to believe this shit.

I just heard it on a tech broadcast today or yesterday.

Now Nintendo is now going to start cornering the adult market.

That new game. I heard it's crazy in Japan.

Right.

What is it called?

Right, it's 75% of all the games sold for DS and any Nintendo in Japan

is like a mental challenge game.

Yeah.

It's like a learning game for adults.

It's like a math game or something, right?

Yeah, everything.

Math and trivia and shit.

Math, trivia, everything, right.

And it's like the biggest thing that ever hit Japan in like adults.

It's like an adult game.

It's like what Pokemon was to kids in like 97, 98, 99.

That's what this is going to be to adults, they're saying.

That's coming out.

soon i think i heard about that yeah it's actually in it's in it's in japan now it's big it's 75

percent of the market but uh it's it's next to come here very soon i do this sometime this year

you'll be seeing and you know and finding out about it i've got a ds here i really don't like

it except oh you do i have the i have the game boy advanced cartridges right i bought the first

so you're still playing the old game boy advanced shit then that's crazy wow i like it i don't i

I don't really like none of the games that are on the PS, but I've got the PSP, man.

I've got Nintendo 64.

I've got PS2.

I've got the original one, and I've got the little miniature one.

I've got all kinds of shit.

I've got tons of games, and I'm not a gamer for computers

because my computer is just basically geared for audio.

Mine is made to eat audio.

All the games I play are on consoles.

If I want to play a game, then I get out a gaming device.

Consoles, yeah.

waste my time with my computer

and split off my resources.

Well, here's my dilemma,

and I want to know,

Xbox 360, I stayed away from it

because, number one, I wasn't about to

put my name on some fucking list.

I figured I'd get it in March.

Then I come to find out from KDK and some other people

that the Xbox 360,

you know, it crashes,

it fucks up games, it scratches them.

It's a horrible thing.

Can somebody tell me,

because I haven't heard any news

on whether or not an xbox 360 if you buy it now are they available i mean i don't even know if

i go to a store can i i know when it first came out it was like forget it you're not going to get

it until march i want to know if i were to go would i have a hard time fighting an xbox 360

in any of the stores out there number one number two did they ever fix those problems with them

crashing and scratching games and number three how's it doing in in comparison to like numbers

numbers of units sold. I don't hear any news

about the Xbox 360 unless I'm out of the loop.

Like, I know...

The kids have been the only thing talking about it.

Is anybody buying it? Are they just not being

made? The kids would actually like it.

Like the original one.

I haven't heard anything. I'm sure

some of these gamer kids in here can tell us.

Yeah, so anyway.

Yeah, KDK said he bought his

PlayStation 1 for Final Fantasy 7.

That's exactly what I did. I bought it the day

that Final Fantasy 7 came out.

You know, that's some shit, man. You can't

do shit like that anymore you know what i mean with a video game system you want if you want

to get on the day it comes out forget it you're screwed you know what i mean actually i got a psp

man my psp is is bomb dude i got mine i ordered mine ahead of time i mean mine is great okay it

has one or two uh pixels that are stuck on but in a big freaking deal you know it's a big deal i

mean the overall the quality and what i can do with it i mean you know it's it's it's amazing

I mean, the movies and all that shit is great.

I love mine.

That's really the only thing I play with.

I only play a couple things on my Nintendo

because it's got a couple of those little stupid games,

you know, the kiddie games that I like on there

that you don't get them for the PSP.

Exactly.

Well, we've had a great conversation on this, man.

I'm surprised.

Yeah, you know, also, one other last thing.

Yeah, shoot it.

To send for Nintendo,

Nintendo has now announced that they are going to include browser and internet capabilities for the DS system.

That sounds really cool.

I might look into that.

That'd be cool.

I have one here, dude.

You can network and wireless all that shit with it, but I guess I don't know any kids.

I don't know anybody who's played it.

You've got to go to Burger King.

I've talked to one of your young guys.

Hey, kid.

Let's play.

pilots networks and let's play walk me through some of the mods on some of this yeah good deal

good deal all right i'm sending that file for you yeah i see that okay well everybody um thanks for

bearing with us as we talk some shit but anyway the chat room was live and active they're talking

about man i could go i could do a whole week of shows every night talking about the history of

video games i would love to do that man that's a technofrag thing but i i know a lot about the

the history of video games like i've i've read books on it i wrote a paper my freshman year in

comp sci i wrote it on the history of video games and stuff it was really cool so i'm pretty

knowledgeable in that stuff or somebody i could go off and on and on about the whole sn the whole

16-bit wars between genesis and super nintendo and and how that that that turned that kind of

gave birth to the playstation which then upended everything else and the playstation is like on

on top i don't know whatever anyway let's move on because yes as saigon is reminding us this is a

prank call show right milkman all right all right okay here's another thing real quick um saigon

was saying what that i'm a castro supporter does this kid always like try to push people's buttons

and stuff i mean what do we know about this guy he is he's a major bitch oh he likes to talk shit

yet yeah and it's like you know it's like kind of like talking with the you know a first grader

about you know about calculus you know yeah it's like can i can tell you it's not about numbers and

stuff but you know will they really understand i don't think so but i can tell you i don't like

numbers i can you know say shit and other things you know i just kind of just put him down on you

You know, I don't want a grain of salt in that one.

Yeah, man.

Well, anyway.

You know, well, I think Saigon's kind of funny.

I kind of dig his stuff sometimes, but sometimes he comes across as an asshole.

But he's saying that I'm a Castro supporter.

Well, I'm not a Castro.

Fuck Castro, man.

Fuck him.

He's Tyrus Sparks.

Yeah, I'm not against Cuba.

I'm not against the communist government in Cuba, but I am against Castro.

You can see I'm pro, you know, Latin independence.

I'm pro the whole revolution, the Cuban revolution.

i'm for that i'm for what castro stood for in let's say the 50s maybe the 60s you know when

it was him when it was when it was them trying to turn the original government but yeah but

castro has made it in his own world with it it's a goddamn bastardization of the whole fucking

shit you know what i mean you know so you know he castro has manipulated it all his his intentions

were good at first but you know absolute power absolutely corrupts or whatever you want to say

So he's a dickhead anyway, but I'm for those people wanting to stay communist.

I'm for those people wanting to stay away from America if they want to.

Let them determine that.

And I'm for getting rid of the fucking economic embargo against Cuba, the fucking bullshit.

What the hell are you trying to do?

If they want a Cuba, if the Americans want a Cuba, look, if Americans want a Cuba to

change over to democracy, all they have to do is get rid of that fucking embargo and

And it will be fine because that will do more for changing things over.

It's a name on it.

Yeah, exactly.

It has been abolished for a long time.

People have been going down there.

I mean, if you really want to look for good business in the next 10 years, get involved with what's going to happen with Cuba, man.

It's the newest and biggest market because it's only less than 100 miles off the coast of Florida.

It's huge.

It's fucking 80 miles off the coast of Key West, for God's sake.

You know what I mean?

If you're in Florida, I could fly out there in a day, chill out in Cuba.

Dude, you could take a freaking boat out there.

Well, no, but in theory, they'll come to the time where I can take a flight from Orlando in the morning, get to Cuba,

three hours, in an hour later, hang out in Cuba all day, take a flight back home.

You know what I mean?

Take a day trip to Cuba.

Fuck it.

Go there, party, blow some money.

man yeah a few wild bitches and yeah get some coconuts close in the puerto rico that's for sure

back for supper yeah exactly yeah back for sex with the girl oh hell yeah yeah because a long

way it's like 2 000 miles man it's 100 miles east or west of me it takes me three hours to

fly from orlando to puerto rico to visit my family it says we're three hours on the plane

Fuck.

That's not bad, then.

You must have been flying like a 757 or something.

Something like that.

It was a big jet.

It went like this.

Like that.

Yeah.

That's one of them big-ass planes, yeah.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Anyway, well, hey, we've got to get to prank calls for these bitches.

Let me read off what we got.

Hey, check what I just sent you right here in the...

Do me a favor and check what I sent you in the Google.

Okay, yeah, we'll play that after that.

I asked you.

Yeah, we'll play that in the second segment.

I got a bunch of stuff.

No, no, no, no.

No, the phone call.

The information I asked you to check on earlier.

Oh, I'm getting to that right now.

I'm getting to it.

Hang on.

Here's what we got from Lonesome Loser.

And yes, we're live.

I'm sorry.

I haven't talked about this in a while.

We're live.

It's the Madhouse Tuesday night.

We've been bullshitting talking for like an hour now, so we're going to get to the prank calls now.

I promise.

The toll-free line is now open.

If you want to reach us here, toll-free, 1-888-278-8509.

Again, you can reach us here toll-free anywhere in the 48 normal states of the Americas at 1-888-278-8509.

It's a free call.

Call us here.

Talk about the bullshit we've been talking about.

Tell us we suck.

Tell us how you have a lust for Milkman.

Milkman, you have a lot of stalkers I know from this show, right?

Yeah, I've got plenty of nice little gifts here for the kids.

If they want to call in, be my guest here.

Here I got at least a two-gallon jug here to give away tonight.

I got some two-gallon jugs of day-old expired milk.

It's still good.

It's expired, man.

Yeah, it's like rotten.

It's all right.

I'll just pitch it all over you.

Yeah.

Well, anyway, we're getting at the numbers we have here.

Yeah, toll-free line.

You want to call and just do a prank with us

or talk about what we're talking about

or say what's up or hear yourself on the Internet radio

video whatever dude call us in toll free 1-888-278-8509 um here's what we got um Lonesome

Loser has sent in some requests personal requests for prank calls and we need to get on those real

quick we have a I'll tell you what we got let's go ahead let's go ahead and get a couple of those

out yeah here's what we got I definitely know they'll be good I promise they'll be good right

here's what we got we got Wawa which I believe is a grocery store chain in North America in the

the northern part of our country of the united states if you're listening to us in australia

britain britain or yugoslavia uh what's left of it um he says this is a dump the manager's name

is matt and he's probably on the crack so maybe accuse him of owing you money for crack well

that's that that's the wawa in hamburg wawa wawa hang on we got a caller already son of a bitch

We also got a James

Do your Pedro voice

Yo

Yo what the fuck

Anyway we got James

We got James Kerr

Some gay guy he says

Who's a lazy motherfucker

So we can call him too

And we also have a Karen

Who's a fat bitch

Is about 50 years old

Walks with a limp cause she has a rod

In her leg

Let's take this caller

Hang on.

Turn down your speakers, caller.

Hey, caller there.

Turn down your speakers real quick before he puts you on.

Oh, my bad.

With whom am I speaking?

Pimp Slut.

What's up, slutty?

How you doing, man?

Doing pretty good.

Good.

Good to hear from you.

How's your night doing?

Some homework.

Homework.

What time is it?

You're in Florida with me, aren't you?

Aren't you in Florida, too?

Yeah.

And it's like 11 o'clock.

What kind of homework you got?

You haven't done it yet.

Some projects.

What kind of projects?

Science, math?

Schindler's List.

Oh, fuck that movie.

The Holocaust movie? That movie is badass.

Yeah, it is. You see that part where they took the baby and they slammed him against the wall?

Oh, no, I didn't see that.

Oh, see? You got to pay attention. That happened, too.

That's a real story. That really happened.

I talked to the lady who saw that happen.

She recounted her story to, um, what's his face? Spielberg.

He actually visited her in Florida and took down her whole stories,

and she was telling me about that story, that that was her,

that she had read that story to him, and he had put it in the movie and everything.

anyway long story short so what's up so you got some homework you had to be at school what time

do you get up for school every day uh i i wake up at 5 30 and be at school at like six and what

time i have to be i have to be in school by uh 6 20 no like no my bad like 7 7 20 okay so the

bell's at 7 20 yeah okay how do you get there are you driving is your mom taking you or you

It's like a 40 minute drive

because I have to

take the Suncoast Parkway

if you know where that is.

Is that the tall bridge? The Mile High Bridge? Am I wrong?

No. No, it's the other one.

It's like that big highway. It's on the map.

Yeah, but I

live in Hernando and my school

is in Pasco. Oh, fuck.

It's a county. Yeah? That sucks.

I have to pay like two bucks just to

go to school on tolls. Dude, I pay

like three bucks. I pay five bucks a day

total in tolls to get back and forth from work every day that's so in theory i work about a half

hour every every morning the first half hour of work is me paying for me to get there that day at

work and that's some bullshit you know that's how it is for why i drive 30 it's like a 30 40 minute

drive to go to school yeah just there pay two dollars in tolls yeah that's that shit damn you

gotta pay to go that's crazy yeah so where are you going to so far is that because it's like

It's my original school. I just moved like two, two weeks ago, two, three weeks ago.

Are you a senior?

No, I'm a junior.

Okay, so you want to stay with the same crew?

Yeah.

Finish out the same? I got you.

I can't leave my dogs.

Your dogs. Your road dogs?

Yeah, my gangsta.

Your gangsta dogs. That's cool, man. No good. That's loyalty right there.

So, wow, man. I, yeah.

I'm sorry, you said you're 16?

17.

17?

No, my birthday's on Friday.

Your 18th birthday's on Friday?

I turned 17 on Friday.

Oh, you turned 17 on Friday.

Okay, that was your 18th birthday.

What are you going to do on your 18th birthday?

Do you know what I did on my 18th birthday?

I went out and bought a porno magazine and a cigar and a pack of cigarettes.

Do you know why?

I can already buy that now.

Oh, you can?

Well, I did just because I could.

I got the hookup.

Well, no, I went out legally.

I said, I can go out legally with my own ID and buy this shit.

I'm going to buy everything I can.

So I went to a gas station, and there was an old black guy there,

And I said, he looked at my license, and anyway, he was like, he looked at my license, and he's like, oh, so you're 18 today?

Yeah, I was like, all right, I need a pack of new ports, I told him.

And one of those Philly Blunts, because I heard so much of them, and that copy of Club Magazine.

He's like, all right.

And you know what he told me then?

He's like, I'll see you in three years.

I was like, all right, man.

And I went back to that same gas station when I turned 21, right before I went out to go to the bars and stuff.

I went there to pick up a six-pack, and that same old black guy was there.

He didn't remember me, but I bought my first beers from that same old black guy.

That old black guy has corrupted me.

He hasn't corrupted me, but he's always been there from when I reached that limit.

You know what I mean?

Anyway.

So do that, man.

Do that.

Do smoke.

That's what I'm going to do.

Oh, yeah.

Anyway, so you got the hookups now.

Is this a friend of yours who's 18 or something?

No, actually, the guy just got arrested just a little while ago.

For selling the minors or something?

Yeah.

Yeah, because some gay kid from another school heard about it, went there, bought it,

and then he got in an accident, told his parents, and then now everyone from every other school is screwed.

Oh, so wait, he was buying alcohol from him?

Yeah.

And how old was he, like 17?

Yeah.

Oh, fuck, well that's...

Or he might have been a senior, actually.

The kid's a douchebag and no one likes him.

Yeah, well, anyway, he's probably gay too, so that's it.

but that explains a lot.

So, yeah, man, you want to do a prank call?

I hear you calling all the time.

The other show was saying you want to do a prank call and stuff.

Yeah.

I call in every show.

I called in Hunter, but he was being a douchebag.

Called in K-Bone.

K-Bone.

K-Bone's normally on tonight, but I switched nights with him this week.

Yeah, I heard.

Yeah, that's cool.

That's cool.

What do you think about Hunter?

There's a lot of talk about Hunter.

What do you think of his show, honestly?

Uh, Hunter's just a douchebag.

I think Hashi should take over the show.

and maybe join

Hunter's a douchebag.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Hunter was pissed off at Hashi because he's like,

Hashi, you're trying to take over my show.

What the hell?

Because your show says she's funny.

You're not.

I guess so.

Well, that's Hunter.

I don't know.

I guess stay tuned tomorrow for big announcements on that, apparently,

on the KDK show.

He's going to try to get Hunter to call in, and we'll see what happens.

Ooh.

This is tomorrow, right?

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow's the KDK show.

Yeah, tomorrow at 10 o'clock, he'll be on.

All right.

Psycho Babble, baby.

Psycho Babble, that's right, Milkman.

Okay, here's what we got.

We got Doc's QQN Tit Shop.

I don't know what the fuck that is.

We got Beach Bum Rentals in California.

These are all California numbers, these two that I just told you.

Doc's QN Tit Shop.

I have no idea what that is.

There's a Steve Madhouse Market in New England.

What's NE?

We're going to Nebraska, okay?

We got a place called The Madhouse.

We got the Madhouse Cafe, we got the Milkman Grocery Home Delivery, if you want to call them.

The Happy Beef Noodle House is open also.

Is that a Chinese restaurant?

Probably, something like that, yeah. I wouldn't doubt it.

You want to try them?

Yeah.

Alright, well, good deal.

Okay, well hang on everybody, we got Pimpslet, right? This is Pimpslet, right?

Before I get your name wrong.

Yeah.

Alright, we got Pimpslet on the line.

He's going to be doing a prank call for the Happy Beef Noodle House.

It's now 1115, and we're an hour into the show, into our first prank call.

Imagine that.

All right.

Hang on, everybody.

We'll be right back after this.

Hang on, Pimps.

Look.

Yeah.

Are you there?

What's up?

What's up, young guy?

Pardon?

What's up, young guy?

I don't understand what you're saying.

Five dollars sucky sucky.

I don't know.

What's up, young guy?

No.

Yeah.

Oh.

What a bitch.

I'll try her again.

Hang on.

After we cycle.

What place?

What was that?

What was that called?

Happy Beef Noodle House.

I don't want to go right in for the kill.

Stretch a little bit.

Yeah, you got to stretch that bitch out a little bit.

Hang on.

Let me see if we can get our bitch back here.

Any second now, she'll come back.

Maybe not.

She started speaking Chinese.

I was like, check out that Chinese.

Please enter your destination number now.

Current balance will allow you to talk for 22 minutes, 29 seconds.

Hello, Happy Beef?

Hi.

Hello.

Yes?

Would you like to make an order, please?

What do you want?

Happy Beef.

You want Happy Beef?

Yeah, do you have Happy Beef?

um what what's in the happy beef what no but what do you put what isn't what what

is in happy beef and the noodle what makes it happy okay but do you have a

happy beef what a bitch yeah call it back let me talk to it all right we get

one more shot legal hang on she's gonna be ill quick better time not to go for

for the kill you better stretch or she'll hang right up yeah hey there dude yeah anyway that's

my fault yeah main lesson to learn here is you gotta stretch it out dude you gotta get these

people to talk a little bit yeah before you start whipping out the insults because once the insults

come out if you ain't got them on your side they're gonna hang up and it's it's what i call

hooking you have to hook them you have to you don't just go for that kill you gotta sit there

and you've got to give them some normal information,

that's your chance to show a good prank call right off the bat

goes in there and acts a little bit normal.

You've got to have just a little bit of taste.

You've got to have a little bit of taste of this is still legitimate.

You know what I mean?

If the guy's calling for what's happy, he's not fucking around.

He might actually be just a really dumb guy.

And once you get them there, you get them hooked,

and you can start saying whatever the fuck you want.

So they think there's some legitimacy to the call, and we'll actually consider what you're saying.

We'll try to get along with you.

As soon as you start with the insults, that's how you open up, man.

You open up a can of farts.

Yeah, exactly.

Everybody's going to bail out.

They're going to bail out.

They jump out that boat.

They jump out that boat, yeah.

So I'm sorry, dude.

Pimps, you can call back in if you want.

I'm sure you will.

We lost you in an accident.

That's my fault.

I missed out.

I started hitting buttons wrong.

Let's do that request call before we take any more callers from coming in and going to call.

Let's go ahead and give our buddy here a professional call there.

Let's look up Lonesome Loser.

We've waited long enough.

I'm going to go down the line.

I'm going to call Karen Shanda.

It's the first one he sent me.

The fat bitch who's about 50 that walks to the limp because she has a rod in her leg.

Jesus.

Okay.

God.

rod in your fucking leg dude i mean what are you gonna do to god for him to say rod you sound like

a tool let's go that's sick man you ever had a rod in you hell no dude i got i got mine out here

it's a chin-up bar you know i left the girl hanging around

I ain't got no rod in me

It's on me

Yeah I'm just messing with you

Come on fucking pin card number

Not that you know

If that's somebody's kick

I don't got no problem with that

If they do their own thing

Let me have my thing

Let me be

I don't got no problem

I'm easy to get along with that

Y'all know that

But if you happen to be

Earning my full attention

As the fuck sack

has, then you're going to find out

how nice a friend that I

was. Fucking fucksack,

man. Alright, here's Karen Chandler,

everybody. Alright, bitches.

She's probably in there stuffing her face

full of freaking muffins.

We waited too long. Hi, I can't get to the phone,

so please leave a message.

Thank you.

6-789-

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8.

Karen Chandler, we want to alleviate

you. Please answer, bitch.

Anyway, she ain't going to answer.

I took too long fucking to do that.

So we'll call the straight-up gay guy.

Maybe this faggot.

We're going to save that number, man.

I want to save that number, and I want to make sure that we get this thing down.

Oh, yeah.

This request will be done.

Yeah, definitely Milkman, for sure.

We're going to have to do that for Lonesome Loser.

But we're calling his next number.

We're calling our buddy, man.

I mean, that guy is the most important person in PCU.

Dude, he's down.

He's the most important.

That's why I always set him up as a voice, you know, because you hardly ever hear him talk.

He don't need to talk, man, because when you get a private message from him, buddy, you're going to be off.

Exactly.

Well, I'll say one.

Not to offend you or nothing, but he's like the most important guy in the madhouse for the most part for what he contributes, if not PCU.

I agree.

I agree 100%.

He's the man, dude.

Dude, he comes through.

How does he do that?

I want to interview him.

I'm just going to ask him.

We're calling his enemy here, James Kerr the homo.

We had it too fucking long.

He answered like an hour and a half ago.

He sent a third number in, too.

Yeah.

Come on, fucking James Kerr.

Answer, you fucker.

Try the wah-wah.

Yeah, I'm going to try that next.

Like spooking him off on your end or whatever.

If you can't get him and crack it, then just kind of hang up.

They'll recognize our number the next time we call.

Fucking this guy doesn't even have a voicemail in his face.

He's probably in there

Taking stroking lessons

Yeah he probably is

Stroking

He's stroking

He's stroking the cock

Yeah

Definitely

I'd say he probably is

So let's call the

The Wawa

Which is a grocery store

They're gonna answer there for sure

Yay

Wawa

Isn't that a weird name

Wawa

Yo what the fuck

Listen to this

It started talking

Vietnamese to me

Listen

Let me see if it comes back

It's not doing it anymore

Instead of going, chaw, ching-chaw.

That was fucking scary. Hang on, I'm going to redial that.

What the hell did I just call?

Anyway, I don't know what the fuck that was.

You guys didn't get to hear that. That was funny.

Yeah, man, it didn't come over.

It must have went quick. It must have only left a boing.

Because as soon as it came over, it didn't want to come around.

20.

Enhanced services like New York, Stockport, and more have two towns.

Please enter your destination number now.

The current balance will allow you to talk for 22.29 seconds.

Look, when you ever see the movie Boogie Nights...

Hello, Wawa, Hat Bro, Pat speaking.

Hey, this is Wawa?

Yeah.

Wawa.

May I speak with Matt, please?

Matt?

Yeah.

Matt is not in.

Who's this?

He'll be in in the morning, about 6.

Okay, well, we got a problem here, sir.

What problem?

Matt owes me about $322 for some bets and other miscellaneous services.

And he said to call now to get the payment.

He said, whoever answered will be able to take care of that.

What was your name again?

Pat?

My name's Pat.

Pat.

You know, that rhymes with Matt.

That's awfully close to Matt.

Are you sure you didn't say Matt when you first picked up?

Yeah.

You're expecting my call?

No.

You know, sir, this isn't a laughing matter.

Well, if you catch my drift.

Matt will be in about 6 in the morning.

Well, hang on, hang on.

What exactly does Matt do there?

I mean, be honest with me.

What's Matt's last name?

We have more than one Matt here.

The Matt who's the manager down there.

He wears that stuff that shows him.

I know who he is.

You know, me and you know, Pat, who Matt is.

Now, why don't you tell me honestly, doesn't he just piss you off?

I love Matt.

He's great.

Look, I got a lot of work to do, so I gotta run.

No, no, no.

All in the morning.

Well, give me.

Oh, motherfucker.

Fucker!

Please enter your destination number now.

Calling him back.

Current balance will allow you to talk for 11 minutes, 29 seconds.

All right.

Hey, bro.

Pat.

Yeah.

What's up, Pat?

I gotta go.

Son of a bitch.

Please enter your destination number now.

Well, damn it.

Anyway, well, that didn't work.

None of that worked.

Unfortunately, those numbers were way too long to call on.

We bullshitted for way too long talking about dumb shit.

We shot ourselves in the foot, dude.

Ain't that milk, man?

oh shit hang on

I've got these numbers locked

I know they're good numbers

I know they came from here

no they're locked

I promise

yeah no

I know

what what happened

who was saying that

he was saying that

no I was just telling him

that I'm sorry we didn't get a chance

to catch him while he was

yeah no we

yeah I waited too long

to do that

I'm sorry

anyway

so who do you wanna

who do you wanna call next

we got

Yankee Doodles

and Long Beach California

Blockbuster Video

We got that Doc QN

tit shop. Let's give that a call.

Try and call out west.

It's still early there.

Yeah, exactly. Do you want to do that Milkman

shop call too? That was in California also, I believe.

Whenever you want.

Let's go ahead and get a good call out of the way.

And then we'll do that.

Exactly, exactly.

We'll do that right now.

Doc, let me ask you a question.

What kind of work do you guys do there, really?

Huh?

What kind of shop is called the

Doc's, how do you say it?

Hey, Docs.

Q and Tits Stop.

Barbecue.

Why does it say tit, though?

What's that all about?

Why does it say what?

Why does it say tit?

Because the phone company made a mistake.

Phone company.

It says tits, though.

It says tit.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't sell no tits, dude.

Tits Top, man.

Maybe I can put, maybe I put a girl with big titties behind a counter to serve the food,

the barbecue, which, you know.

Can you put one on the phone?

No.

Yeah, I ain't got none here right now, cleaning up.

Do you have man tits at all? Do you know what man tits are?

Oh, what is?

Man tits, man tits.

Man tits?

Mm-hmm.

Do you ever get on top of a girl and you notice she has tits just as big as hers?

No, I didn't get on top of one at all. I'm like, I'm not, baby.

Oh, you take it in the ass. I got it. Yeah, buddy.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, that's good. That's good. It's okay, brother.

It's okay.

No, no, no.

We don't play that.

How big is that cop?

So, so, so, so, no, this is not no porno shop.

This deals with food, partner.

No, but my bro, my bro Bo went in there.

He said that he got to see some titties.

Oh, he did?

Yeah.

Oh, he must have bought a chicken breast then.

No, I think he talked to your, I think he, does your mom run the kitchen there?

My mom?

No, my daughter works here, partner.

That's the one, yeah.

That's it.

That was her, that's her.

That's her, yeah, my bro Milkman.

He was down there, and she showed him her tits.

Oh, okay, all right.

She said, yeah, well, here's what happened.

I heard that he put his face in between them, and he went like this.

Just like that, yeah.

So is your daughter hot?

How old's your daughter?

Who am I speaking to?

I'm playing motorboat.

My name is Bo Steen.

Bo who?

Bo Steen.

Steen, S-T-E-E-N, yeah.

So how old is she?

I'm 21.

Well, I'll tell you what, she's a little loose, don't you think?

No, my daughter didn't do that.

She didn't?

Well, anyway, man, I'm cleaning up right now, and I need both of my hands, and so I'm closing up right now.

Can I talk to your daughter again?

She's not here, man.

She told me to call earlier or something.

What's her phone number?

I'll give her a call.

Yeah, what's your phone number?

Not till I call you.

No, I'm not going to do that.

You'll probably come and try to hurt me.

Okay, have a good night, then.

All right, say hi to your daughter for me.

Please enter your destination number now.

Hang on.

I got an idea.

I have a plan.

Call back as Pedro or Fat Albert.

I'm calling back as his daughter.

Your current balance will allow you to talk for one minute, 29 seconds.

Only a minute, 30.

Better make it good.

Yeah.

This is Doc.

You're on hit stop.

I'm unavailable at the moment.

Please leave a brief message with your name and number.

I could crack it.

He's trying.

I got it.

He's trying.

I'm going to call.

It's on the pop.

Live now.

That's a fucking motherfucker.

We did not get your message, even because you...

It was a voicemail system.

Yeah, it was a voicemail.

I thought it was a machine, but it was a voicemail.

It sounded like a machine with that stupid noise.

Yeah, it did.

It was bad quality, yeah.

He's got some shitty-ass phones out there, that's for sure.

Anyway.

He's, like, playing some gay music or something in the background.

It kind of threw me there.

Yeah, that's true.

Anyway, Hashy.

Hashy.

Who is Hashy?

Do you know about him?

Is he the co-host for Hunter?

Is that what his deal is?

I guess he's...

I've heard him a couple times.

Sometimes he sounds like he's a young guy, a kid, but he's on with Hunter, I guess.

I really don't know.

I've tried to listen a few times.

Yeah, people are saying they like him.

For one reason or another, I just really haven't been able to complete the task.

People are saying that they like him better than they like Hunter.

I hear he's kind of funny.

Yeah, well, people are saying they like him better than they like Hunter for some reason.

Imagine that.

I guess Katie Kay should give him a show.

Fuck, damn it, man.

Give Hashy's hash.

Hash, Hashy's Tar Hour or something.

I don't know.

What the fuck?

What kind of name is Hashy anyway?

I don't know.

I've been wondering that all along.

I heard Tilly don't smoke either, so I've not figured it out.

What does he know about Hashy anyway?

He must be Irish or something.

I don't know.

I love Hash, you know, the kind that you make for breakfast, you know, corned beef hash.

Yeah.

Got tater in it.

Got a little beef in it, you know.

Yeah.

A little bit of seasoning.

The best thing you do is you eat it.

Put a bunch of big eggs on top of it.

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly, you fry an egg and you put it right on top of that bad boy.

Exactly, and a little bit of Frank's Red Hot Sauce.

And that reminds me, St. Patrick's Day is coming up.

Always got to have that, you know, cabbage in the hash and all that.

You always got to make that.

Dude, you know what?

It's also the Big Easy right now, man.

You know, the Big Easy right now, it's Mardi Gras.

Yeah, I want to go there.

You know what?

I want to party in the cemetery.

One time I would love to go there.

I'm sure it's going to be a disaster now for a while.

For a few years, yeah.

I'd love to win it in the day.

Because they had hundreds of years of shit going on in history and stuff.

It got washed away for whatever reason.

Exactly.

This may be like a moment, if you've got a chance,

maybe we can just do that tribute we sent in to you earlier.

To Ray Nagin?

That's coming up right when I hit the break.

We're going to try to do it.

Okay, play that song.

Okay, we'll play the tribute song and the Ray Nagin,

Scott Primer

and then when we got our break.

Let's do another good call.

Oh shit, I forgot about the Scott Primer.

Yeah, we got to do that for sure.

It was definitely Scott.

There it is.

I'll play that with the next break.

Hell yeah.

Okay, I'm going to try to do one more prank call here

before I take a break

and we'll come back and knock a few out of the park.

Yeah, exactly.

Again, if you want to submit your prank request,

you can do so on AOL Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio.

If you're in the chat room, also reach me there.

the chat room is over at

kdkprankcalls.com

if you're using Yahoo

Madhouse PCU Radio

and if you're on

if you're not on either you can email us

at madhouseradio

at gmail.com

Lonesome Loser has sent in a bunch

of stuff let's see the blockbuster video

we called Docs already

Beach Bum Rentals

Steve's Madhouse Market

Beach Bum Rentals

beach bar can you do like a like a dude surfer dude voice i could try i could try i could try

hang on like you know bernie man i like that a lot of ass shit yeah let me try that hang on

everybody we're calling with that call right now

You know how we do

Hello

Hey, good evening

Beach above rentals?

Yes

Do you have the helium there?

What?

What can

I have helium?

Excuse me?

Hello?

Yes

Excuse me

How can I help you?

Who am I speaking with?

My name is Serena

What's your name?

Let me write that down

Serena

Right, Serena

Right, okay

Anyway

We're trying to organize a party here

Do you guys have helium?

But we're trying to get, you know

Helium and stuff going

A few clown suits

Maybe you got one of those moon things where you jump up and down in the shit, throw up and all that.

Do you have that kind of stuff or what?

No, we rent condos.

I can't help you with parties.

Okay, that's perfect.

I'll party.

Hang on.

God damn it.

Is there a man who's working there that I can talk to or something?

Please enter your destination number.

A twat.

I know.

It's called the Madhouse Market.

Your current balance will allow you to talk for 8 hours, 19 minutes, 29 seconds.

Beach bum condos.

Whatever.

who was you trying to call there

I didn't hear him disconnect

hey

that's not working who was he trying to call there's something wrong with that number

steve madhouse market well okay we'll keep that on our list yeah we're gonna have to yeah yeah

no no well i'm gonna i'm gonna take a quick break shut every group here and um then i'll try to do

some shit you got a skin you want me to play you said yeah man yeah it was all that shit i sent

King is, like, hilarious.

He played one of your songs, and I asked you to play there.

Okay.

Okay, I see.

And then bumper it in with the promo and then the tribute song.

That would be perfect.

Then come back in with the reigning king or something.

Yeah, you got a plan there.

Something like that.

Near that order.

We could do that.

Hang on, let me set that up here.

Anyway, yeah, we're going to take a quick break.

It'll be only a few minutes.

I'll come back, and we'll do some more prank calls

and knock stuff out of the ring.

Which one do you want?

Cooking with the King?

is that the one

or the other one

this god damn house

cooking with the king

is funny

that would have been

perfect when you did

the grit sing

ok that's fine

this damn house

is funny as shit

there's a bunch of them

in there

you can't really

miss any of them

I guarantee you

you're going to laugh

ok well no problem

we'll do that right now

this damn house

is a good

this damn house

ok I got it

no problem

ok yeah

everybody

I've got more numbers

from Loser Loser

I also have

the Persian dude

is sending me a number

for this guy

guy named Hussein

to call. We'll try that. If anybody

else wants to

call, so be it.

You can call us here toll-free, but don't do it yet.

I'll get that number when we come back from the break.

Anyway, we'll be right back in a second.

What's this here?

KDK is saying that LEGO's gonna

start selling shoutcast hosting for anybody

who wants to start their own network. Well, imagine that.

Okay.

He's been busy. I've actually

called him. He's just been

Busy, busy.

Oh, yeah, exactly.

Anyway, everybody hang on here.

We're going to come right back with more pranks, more Madhouse.

It's Tuesday night, 11.45 p.m.

It's almost Wednesday.

Tool safety.

He says, host Calister,

welcome to another exciting episode of this goddamned house.

Assisting me today is my longtime friend, Sid Gurney.

Well, Bart, this toolbox is kind of heavy.

Are you starting to sass me again, you limp-wristed little...

I ought to...

Anyway, today we're going to learn how to build a deck.

You know, Sid, every American family would love to have a deck,

but most are too damn broke.

So instead of paying some pinko, commie, rip-off little piece of...

Why not build one yourself?

It's simple, cheap, and anyone can do it.

All you need is lumber and power tools.

Right, Sid?

Well, it seems to me you ought to get a building permit

or at least make sure it's okay with your neighbor.

What the hell is wrong with you, you little panty-waisted Nancy?

boy? You like that?

And that? Nah.

Tough to breathe, ain't it?

Homo. Anyway, Sid,

hand me that tape measure.

You see, it's important to measure out just how big

your duck's gonna be. Because if you don't,

you could be in a... Hey, neighbor, what are you building?

Fort by his meddling, Sid.

Hand me that two-by-four.

You see, Sid... Excuse me, I'm the building inspector.

I got a call from a Mr.

Gurney. No one here by that name.

Dead man.

oh my god first neighbor pussy face little you ever felt the business end of the two by four

that's how you build a deck time and i turn our attention to plumbing on this

Mr. Belt Sander Gurney

Madhouse, right after this

Fuck you, man!

What's this thing for God's sake?

China stay high, you're bound to stay low

You want God to put into plate your ego

You're already there, then there's nowhere to go

Your cup's already full, then it's bound to overflow

If you're drowning in the water, pray for mercy

I'm gonna throw you a rope

You'll say he found 13 up to this

Son of a can, get rid of your frown

Ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Cooking with the King.

And now, here's the host of Cooking with the King, the King.

Welcome to another edition of Cooking with the King.

Today at the King, we're going to try to expand international relations by going over to England and eating us some fish and chips.

So, of course, first thing you do is get on an Eastern Marine, flying over to London.

Da-hoo, da-hoo, da-hoo.

Could you bring the King a little something to eat?

And, pilot, make sure you fly on the left side of the ocean.

We're going to England.

all right here we are in london and of course we have a ring next door to me he's been sold

to niggers up everybody uh 11 54 we're back in the madhouse and on the line we have a special

caller caller please introduce yourself hello caller what the hell he's an asshole don't worry

about it don't don't worry about it just the hell well hey dude what's up hold on one second i'm

I'm dealing with some freaking freaks.

Hold on.

All right, you do that.

Hello?

What's up, man?

How you doing?

What the fuck, my goddamn...

It's fucking 20 below zero, and I called the fucking oil company, and they're giving me bullshit.

We should prank them.

Fuck the oil company.

Why are you still dealing with oil heating?

You faggots.

Get out of New York.

Where did you live?

Fuck off, man.

This house is 128 years old.

It's a fucking classic.

Well, too bad.

What did you get for living up there in the middle of fucking New York bullshit?

Where the fuck are you?

Where were you?

In fucking Chicago?

I'm in Orlando, son of a bitch.

I don't have to deal with that crap, man.

I don't get cold.

You know what?

You're in fucking Orlando?

First of all, you're in the land of toxic fucking Disney waste.

And not only on top of that, but, you know, you can say all you want, but a couple of years ago, what was it?

A year and a half ago, you guys got fucking plobbed by a fucking couple of hurricanes.

Fuck you.

Fuck you and those hurricanes.

How are you?

We got four hurricanes in, like, 12 months here or something like that.

Oh, my God, dude.

Dude, you guys were rowing your boats down the street.

Yeah, it was fun.

That was fun, man.

No power for a week.

Ain't no problem.

Yeah, that's great, man.

No fucking power, and you're waking up in fucking pools of sweat.

Whatever.

All I need is weed.

If I have weed, I'm happy.

I'll sit in my house for a whole month.

If I got enough weed, I'll be happy.

I'll sweat my ass out smoking weed.

All right, I'll give you that, but if you ain't got a cold brew to go with it, it's kind of rough, dude.

Yeah, you got a point.

So, how about your cold brew?

What are you drinking tonight?

night. I'm on my... Dude, I'm going to Vegas,

man. That's where I'm... I'm moving to Vegas.

I'm going to start broadcasting the show from Vegas.

There you go. When are you going to start broadcasting the show?

What are you talking about, Lego? Come on. Dude, what

fucking show? My show Friday night. It's

The Big Return, man. What do you think I am?

Sean Ward or something? This Friday?

Yeah. Okay. This Friday's The Big Return

and I got a new song. You got a new

promo song, too? Did you hear the Scott promo?

I played the Scott promo right now, too.

I didn't even hear it. Ah, I see.

You asked me about it. It's off.

Yo, bump clock, man. It's okay. You want to play it, play it. You don't want to play it, don't play it.

I just, you know, what the fuck, dude? What's going on?

Who are you, Billy Mirror?

Why? What the hell? Why Billy Mirror all of a sudden?

I'm actually in the chat room, you know, for someone you're going to refer to as Billy Mirror.

What's his problem anyway? I know he's gone, but you told me the other day, right, he's not even serious or anything, right?

He's a fucking big, fat, lying, ego, fucking full-of-himself motherfucker.

That's what Billy Meera is, but I love the guy.

He's a good friend.

I've got to light a cigar real quick.

While we do that, how does a fucker like that survive anyway?

He doesn't have a regular job.

Billy Meera is a good comedian.

He's pretty funny, and he does some pretty talented impersonations.

He has a couple of different gigs going,

But during the day, would you believe it or not,

he's like some kind of electronic, technicinal genius.

And I think what he does, believe it or not,

is he works on artificial breathing machines or something.

Seriously? So that's what he does?

Yeah, so he does a good thing.

He's actually a good person.

He's just got a fucking bigger ego than most people I know.

He's got a bigger ego than KDK, and you know I love KDK.

Yeah, well, KDK is a drama queen.

Billy Maritz just has a big Shaquille O'Neal-sized ego.

You know what? I don't think KDK has an ego.

I think KDK actually has the right of being fucking king of this network.

I really do. I do. You know why?

Because the guy fucking works hard keeping up the website.

And, you know, there's some things that he does that, you know,

look, we all fucking rub each other's rhubarb the wrong way here and there.

But I got to tell you, that guy definitely keeps it going.

He keeps it real. He keeps it out there.

And, you know what? It's all good.

He does have the right to.

to, you know, like some rock stars, like David Lee Roth, he's got the right to kind of be

David Lee Roth. Well, you know what? I say the same for KDK.

Okay. Let me ask you something.

Call me old-fashioned.

Yeah, go ahead, man.

What's your alcoholic drink of choice? Are you a beer person? Is there a scotch you like

or something like that?

Well, I'll put it to you this way, okay? The first time I got Kim in the ass was with

Grandma Nye.

Was with Grandma Nye?

Yeah, and I got her fucked up, and, you know, before I knew it, I was fucking banging that ass all over the place.

There you go.

You know, so for me, I don't know if you've ever had a B-52, but it's a layered shot, okay, and it's kind of like a faggot drink.

Okay.

It's Kahlua, Baileys, and Grand Marnier on top, but I will tell you, don't let that fool you, because they taste amazing, but about four or five shots in, you're over the rainbow.

Yeah.

Now, if I'm going to drink hard liquor, okay, there's only one fucking drink for me.

What is that?

That would be Jack.

Jack, then.

Straight Jack, or do you mix it with water?

Straight up.

Coke?

Straight up.

Straight up, Nick.

Now, I do like a little beer here and there.

So, you know, like a beer and a good bottle of Jack.

Now, Jack is hard to drink.

Jack hurts.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's true.

But let me tell you, you don't have to drink much Jack to be where you want to be.

Mm-hmm.

It's instant ketchup.

That's true.

Tequila is, you know, I can't drink tequila anymore.

I'm more of a...

Fuck tequila.

Yeah, I'm more...

You know what I like about Jack, though?

No.

If you drink enough of it, by halfway into the night, you throw it up, and you're feeling better.

Oh, nothing wrong with that.

That's a good time right there, throwing up, I'll tell you.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, I don't like liquor where you drink it, and then you're fucking, like, fucked up,

and you're not feeling good, and then the next thing you know, you're like a little

piece of fucking roast pork fried rice that didn't make it off the fork.

Oh, nice.

Good analogy, but that's so true.

Man, there's nothing worse.

Have you ever been on a cruise?

Dude, I got sick off of Jack Daniels on a cruise once.

And I'll tell you, there's nothing worse than being on a cruise,

throwing your brains out, puking Jack Daniels

while the whole boat is moving back and forth and stuff.

Worse.

I think throwing up on a boat, deep-sea fishing,

has got to be one of the fucking ultimate feelings ever.

Oh, God, yeah.

You know, because you just cannot control it.

And when you can't see the...

Especially when you can't see the horizon.

That's fucked up.

When you can't see land and you're sick on a boat...

Really?

That's the ultimate.

I hear that's the worst.

I hear it.

From what they told me.

It sucks, dude.

But it's an experience that you should have, man.

Yeah, it is.

Because you can, that's an experience no matter where you go, you can always remember that

feeling and you're always saying, man, I'm glad I'm not there right now.

Yeah, everybody should do that.

Everybody should almost get arrested.

You know what I mean?

Stuff like that.

You should almost beat, you should beat, you should hit your wife, hit your woman or

something like that.

Not harm.

You know what I mean?

Dude, I hit her and you know what?

She doesn't care.

She likes it.

She needs it.

All women, every once in a while, need to get hit.

And that's, you know what I mean?

Yeah, well, dude, I hit her, and she fucking likes it.

You know, dude, she spreads her legs when I hit her.

Good, good.

Then you're hitting her right.

She likes that shit.

You know you're hitting her right.

Yeah, she likes that shit.

Love that.

Do you guys see, by the way, did you see the Ultimate movie?

Did you ever see Spun?

Spun.

No, I can't say I haven't.

I haven't heard of it, but it's...

Okay, well, everybody who's listening right now, I recommend Spun.

Spun is a fucking movie about a bunch of fucking drug addicts.

Mickey Rooney's in it.

Mickey Rourke, rather, is in it.

If you haven't seen it, it's fucking off-the-hook funny.

And there's some, you know, it's, I figure, who's that Spanish guy who's always,

he was in Dawn of the Dead, he's in a lot of those crazy movies.

Benicio Del Toro.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know.

I don't know, that guy, whatever.

But he's funny as hell.

You know, he has that kind of voice like that, he talks like that.

The Spanish dude, I forget his name, but he's great.

Great. And the chick who is in Apple Pie, or American Pie, isn't it?

Okay, there's a lot of them in that movie.

The hot chick who goes out with the hot-looking guy in that movie.

The guy, you know, the chick, you know.

There's a bunch of fags in that movie.

I don't know, but anyway, it's bizarre.

If you like PCU, you'll definitely like the movie.

So anyway, getting back to...

Mickey Rourke, the cook.

John Leguizamo, John Leguizamo is exactly who I said.

John Leguizamo, Spider Mike, he plays.

Yeah, that's the guy.

Oh, Brittany Murphy's in that movie?

Yeah, Brittany Murphy's a whore.

And fucking Debra Harry's, Debra Harry.

Oh, I'd fuck the shit out of Brittany Murphy, man.

God, you don't know.

Yeah, that's, Brittany, and you know who else is in there?

What's her name?

That weird chick name from American Pie.

Mina Suvari.

Yeah, yeah, that's her.

Is that her?

Yeah, I'm reading off of her.

She's kind of got a weird ass, though.

Yeah.

You know?

Is she an American Pie lover?

Yeah, I see who you're talking about.

Yeah, she, oh.

Dude, you know what once happened to me at this fucking party, speaking of weird asses?

Yeah.

There was this chick, I was at this fucking party once, and there was this fucking chick.

She was fucking hot, dude.

I mean, had a little bit going on in the butt, but be hot, wearing a little fucking short skirt, right?

Fucking, I get her in the fucking room, and I'm, you know, fucking working my way up that skirt, you know?

Fucking Kim bangs the fucking door open.

Great. Tell me this ends up being a good story, right?

No, man, you know, Kim's like, what the fuck are you doing?

And I said, you know, I'm like, well, I said, you know, I'm just, you know, talking here.

Just talking here.

Talking.

Did she buy that?

Talking a little bit.

Did she seriously buy that shit?

No, no, not really.

She's like, she says, oh, we're going to talk.

Whatever.

Fuck talk.

I said I wasn't going to do anything more than, like, grab a little ass.

I said, what's the big fucking deal anyway?

Yeah, squeeze a cheek, you know what I mean?

What did you really want to do?

You wanted to slip a finger in there.

That's fine.

Every guy wants to do that.

Every guy, if anything, you know, have you ever been to sit out on a date and said,

said, you know what, tonight, I just, I just, I just want to either get some pussy or just

get the least, you know, get a few bases, you know what I mean, you like, you know,

fuck it, I don't want to be friends, you know what I mean, the whole one night stand

thing, there's nothing wrong with the men in that, dude, but that's the thing that I

don't want to understand, you know what I mean, the women don't understand that, Kim

doesn't, Kim doesn't understand, yeah, yeah, I agree, so does Kim, yo, KDK, I'm looking

at the chat room, KDK says I'm bi, KDK thinks I'm fucking, like, bi or something, KDK says

Everybody's by he said I want to set the record straight yeah, I think I might have said this before

But I'm gonna just say it again really fucking hot shemale was giving me a blow job

And I didn't know she was a shemale yeah, fuck it. Oh, you know I'll fucking pop a load in her face

I don't care well, but if I knew but if I knew she was a shemale then you know

It depends how far close I was to coming that I would either punch her in the face a little finish

I'll tell you the story and we've said this on this show before

We got a friend of me and Andy, who was normally here, my co-host.

We got a friend.

He was out on the beach out in Tampa one night, and his van was parked on the beach,

and a black woman told him to come in and suck this cock and took a picture of it.

And this was, like, in the middle of the night on the beach.

He was drunk off his ass, and that was it.

And we keep saying it was probably a guy, just like a woman.

Just want to take your – like, seriously, went down on him, took one picture of his cock, and then that was it.

And he's like, oh, no, that was a chick.

They're like, man, that was no chick.

That was either a fag dressed up like a woman.

Would you do that?

I mean, would you turn down head like that?

I mean, in a situation like that?

Seriously, I don't...

I'd rather go fucking home and whack to a fucking gangbang movie.

Exactly.

All it takes is one crazy-ass person to bite, and that's it.

You're out of commission for...

No, I'm done with it.

No, you don't fuck around...

Dude, you don't fuck around like that, especially when you don't know what you're getting.

Now, another thing I want to point out, as long as I'm on the air.

You like Chips Ahoy cookies?

I'm diabetic.

but back in the day, I guess I did like Chips Ahoy Cookies.

All right.

Well, I want to see.

This is something that you don't know about Chips Ahoy Cookies,

and I just want to, you know, point this out.

It's not a big deal, but it's something I definitely found out.

Okay.

All right.

The regular Chips Ahoy Cookies that you buy in the supermarket.

Now, they're good.

Don't get me wrong.

They're good.

You ever see the mini Chips Ahoys that you get in the little bags,

like when you walk into the, you know, convenience store,

they have little 99-cent mini Chips Ahoy Cookies?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the snack size, you can, yeah, I don't know what you're talking about, yeah, yeah.

And they're the mini ones, right?

Yeah, they got the mini Cheez-Its and shit, yeah, I know what you're talking about.

They're like the bite size with the big, whatever, whatever they call it.

Yeah, I copy.

It's, I don't know what they do different, but it's made differently, and they fucking taste better, the mini ones.

The minis? No.

They're definitely, yeah, they, they, oh, I have, I'm sitting here with a bag of the mini ones.

Yeah.

And a stack of the big ones.

They're probably concentrated or something, that's what, free basing.

And I'm telling you, the formula they use is different, and the mini ones just are, like, they're chocolatier, and they just, they crunch better.

They just have a better taste to them.

You know, I don't know.

Maybe, I mean, maybe this was a bad batch, this other one.

I don't know, but.

Yeah.

More sugar.

I think, you know.

Probably, yeah.

Milkman says more sugar.

Call a spade a spade.

Yeah, but you know what's shitty, though?

You ever try those mini Oreos?

Those taste like shit compared to the real thing.

You know what I mean?

You ever try those small, little, tit-sized, nipple-sized Oreos?

That's a bunch of shit right there.

Yeah, fuck that.

I can't deal with that.

Now, you say you're diabetic.

Are you diabetic in the sense where you, you know, you fucking shoot yourself?

No, not yet.

I'm supposed to, but fuck the doctor or whatever.

No.

You're taking medicine?

I'm on, like, four different meds, yeah.

And, uh...

But you're not injecting?

No, I'm not injecting yet.

All right, well, that's good.

That's good.

Now, let me tell you, a friend of mine, you know, he's pretty diabetic.

He went on that pump thing for a while, but if you ever have to inject, don't do the pump

because the pump takes, it really is a bitch to get it where you want it to be.

Wait a minute.

Let me ask you a question.

The pump, are you talking about the new inhaler?

Because I'm really foaming at the mouth to get this thing, to be honest.

No, no, I'm talking about the thing that it looks like a beeper.

It's permanently on you like an IV?

Yeah, and you have like a line that goes in.

No, I don't want that shit.

They got an inhaler.

Yeah, because it kind of limits you.

You know, you're just about to get laid, right?

Yeah.

And you fucking pull your pants down, you got this fucking needle going in your thigh,

and the bitch gets all fucking like, you know, like,

Like, what the fuck is that?

Yeah, you know, and you gotta be like, uh, you know?

So, but the other thing, the other thing is, um, you know, I don't know, maybe, like, maybe, you know, with this, I don't know, is that, by the way, the medicine you take, I mean, if you take too much of it, does it fuck you up?

Dude, I get the worst diet fucking, if I don't eat, if I don't eat while I take the meds, my stomach is torn up to shit.

That's why I stopped taking the meds, to be honest with you.

What I'm saying is, is there any kind of high you can get by taking more?

No, no, if my sugar gets low, I'll go into a coma, that's about it.

Yeah, that's a good trip, though.

I've been tempted, Lego, to go into a diabetic coma just to take a good month vacation.

You know what I mean?

Just to be, like, yeah, it's like chicken into a hotel.

You know what I mean?

Like, all right.

I'm with you.

Yeah.

But then, you know.

You know, I could bring the gear to the fucking hospital.

We could do the show, you know, while you're in a coma.

Oh, that'd be great.

I don't think you'll be saying too much, but, you know, fuck it.

At least, you know, I think the vibe would still be there.

Well, I would expect you guys, I would expect no less of you, Lego.

If I were to be in a coma, you would make that happen.

Look, I'll come down to Orlando and make a special show.

We'll come into the fucking room, you know, and you'll be in that fucking coma, diabetic coma.

And we'll, you know, we'll even put a little wireless mic on you, just in case you, like, give us, like, a couple of gargoyles or something.

Yeah, and we'll snap out right into it.

Think about the emotion of, at the end of the show, I snap out of it and start talking, but I have, like, Tourette's.

palsy, kind of talking like...

No, you know what would be really cool?

If you came out of it during the show

and right as you came out of it

you wake up and go, yeah, man,

let's do a prank. Exactly.

That was like the first thing. Yeah.

Yeah, I would.

Fuck everything. Fuck my parents.

Fuck my girlfriend. Prank.

Listen, speaking of fuck your girlfriend,

make sure that if you do do that,

though, whatever fucking hospital you go into,

some hot-ass nurses, dude.

Yeah.

Because when you come out of that coma, you know, you want to have some ass around.

All the nurses here in Florida, for some reason, are ugly as fuck.

Ugly as sand.

Yeah, New York, too.

But, you know, once in a while, you do find that little fucking candy striper.

God.

Can you imagine, you know, that's...

My friend, I had a friend, he was...

He swore, I don't believe him, but he told me when he was 16, he got a hernia check.

He had an appendectomy, whatever the fuck, where they take your appendix out.

I hate that.

that. I had that done to me like three times. All three of yours. So he said he got this

hot female nurse to come in and do a hernia check right before he was on his way out and

that she actually gave him the head right there. And he was only 16. I'm like, man,

that's fucking bullshit. But he swears by itself to this day. To this day. And he was

16 at the time. He swears to this day that that nurse gave him the head. The nurse would

have been in her 30s, like a nice milfy kind of thing. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, let me tell you.

What would you prefer? Would you prefer a MILF, a good, mature, fine wine, late 30s, early 40s,

to, let's say, a 19, 20, 21-year-old girl?

What would your preference be?

Let me tell you this. When I was, what was I, about four,

I

dated a six-year-old woman.

Now, let me explain.

This is President Bush.

Let me explain.

First of all, when I say she was 46, she was, like, fucking, like, Jane Fonda 46.

You know, like, good shape, beautiful girl.

Beautiful, beautiful girl.

This is kind of a Jerry Springer story, because it was my dad's ex-girlfriend.

Neither here or there.

What?

Okay.

Yeah, I don't even want to go down that road.

But let me tell you, dude, first of all, the bitch had a lot of money.

Right.

And fucking bought me, I mean, it was like my mommy, you know, she like mommied me.

It was fucking great.

And then, at night, she was nuts.

She would bang the fuck out of me.

She'd be like, fucking mouth.

I mean, she was out of her fucking mind, this bitch.

And I would fucking pull out and blast her in the face.

You know, I mean, and this six-year-old woman, she wanted me to bang her up and down all in the car.

She was like Stifler's mom.

They get like that at that age.

Some women, they swear to God, they get that freak in them.

They're like, fuck marriage.

I've been married 20 years.

I just want to find some young guy to fuck.

Yeah, it was great.

And Kim had money from the husband, from the ex-husband.

Didn't give a fuck.

Wanted to live life to the fullest.

I mean, you know, fucking buy me anything.

It was incredible.

But the reality of it was I knew it couldn't really go too far because, you know, I mean, by the time I was 30, she'd be, like, fucking walking with a cane.

So, you know.

You know it's not meant to last kind of thing.

You know what I mean?

No, no.

It was like a thing of the moment.

And then I fucking, you know, not too far after that I met, you know, fucking crazy ass bitch I'm with now.

Fucking bitch, man.

And I got to say, you know, props to Kim, because, I mean, you know, she was being

informatic at the time, and that, you know, when you're with somebody a long time, it

slows down after a while, but, you know, she was a crazy-ass little bitch herself, so,

you know, it worked out.

But I felt bad for this lady, you know, her name was Abby.

I felt bad because, you know, she really, Abby, man, she really wanted to, she really

wanted to, like, have this relationship with me, like, she thought it would, like, we could,

you know, be together for a while or something.

You know, I don't know what, I mean, like, I said to her one day, I said, what, are we going to have fucking kids and a family?

I mean, you know, her fucking kid was, like, a year younger than me.

Now, be honest, so she had a kid, was she married at the time?

Be honest now, was she?

No, no, she was definitely not married.

Okay.

No, she was out of that marriage for at least, you know, a good four or five years.

Yeah, man.

Have you ever had a married woman going crazy after you?

you, like, I, when I was, I'll tell you what, I was 18, and there was a 28-year-old woman

who was crazy over me for some reason, I was, like, just in college, and she was 28, she

was in one of my classes, one of my, one of my business classes, and she was, like, crazy,

fucking crazy, like, she was, I knew she wanted to fuck me, like, we went on a few dates,

she was married, too, and she was, like, you know what I mean, I was, like, no, I didn't,

I didn't, actually, no, I was stupid, I was 18 and stupid, and I had some girl, dude,

From high school that I was like, I'm still with her, and we were like, she was in pain.

You should have fucking hit that.

Now, let me ask you this.

Let me ask you a serious question.

Yeah.

Have you ever been with more than one chick in a day?

More than one chick in a day?

I've been with more than one chick at once.

Okay, well, check this out.

That answers your question.

Okay, so you've been with two chicks at once.

Yes, I have.

I had an ex-girlfriend who was bi, and she made it a point, like, around three or four occasions to bring home a girl from the club.

Like she would

I would like

I'm staying home

And whatever

I'd stay home

And just do my shit

And she'd come home

About three o'clock

Fucked up behind

Behind her mind

With another

Bi chick

And then it was on

She'd be going out

To the lesbian bars

And bring home a girl

And she did it like

I think three times

Actually as a matter of fact

Cool man

So that's cool

Now was it

Did it live up to

What everybody

You know every guy's dream

Is to be with two chicks

I mean

Whatever

You know to me

Right right

It's not like a big deal

To me it was like

Like, whatever, like, when you're a teenager, your first time, you make it out to be this big deal, when it happens, it's like, what, what?

You know what I mean?

It was just the same thing.

It's not a big deal, you know, for me, like...

It's like a different thing.

It's not, yeah, no, I hear you.

Now, who is this guy, who's Idiot in the chat room?

Who is that?

Idiot, I don't know.

I couldn't tell you.

He's asking, why am I so rich?

Well, first of all, I don't know how rich I am, but the reason, if I do have some money, it's because I work my fucking ass off, Idiot, okay?

I work really, really hard, bro.

Yeah.

And there's no, you know, not everybody can win a lotto.

In fact, most people can't.

Am I related to Zola?

Yeah, Zola is my brother from another mother.

And, you know, Zola is Jewish, dude.

You haven't fucking gone to dinner with him, all right?

Now, the lesbian, the chick thing again.

Now, let me ask you this.

Have you ever, like, had a chick, like, in college or whatever?

Like, you ever have, like, you know, the chick that just everybody fucks?

And, like, you know, you and your boys, like, you know, bang this fucking chick all night?

No, I can honestly say me and my boys, we never shared women.

Yeah, but no, no, but you know what I'm talking about?

I'm not talking about a girlfriend now.

Did I ever just get with a slut?

Yeah, the slut we all fuck.

You ever do that?

Maybe.

I think there was a chick when I was in the Army.

She was kind of, like, slutty.

Like, you know, like, I think about half the crew that I hung out with,

I probably fucked her, and it was that kind of thing.

I could say that in that case, yeah.

But that's not that uncommon in the Army anyway.

We had this one chick that, you know, like a group of friends, probably like three or four guys.

I mean, you know, we would like just like, you know, be having like one of those nights watching Donnie and Maria, whatever the fuck was on TV at the time.

And we would just, I'm only kidding, Donnie and Maria.

Never heard of them, okay.

But we would pass this bitch around and just like, you know, all right, you fucker, you fucker, you give me head, you give me head.

Currency.

Like a carton of cigarettes in prison

Yeah she was just a whore dude

And basically she liked it

You know

I'm serious there's women

At some point if it's a phase

Or just they're fucking freaks

They just want to fuck

And that's all it is

Seriously I know it shocks a lot of you younger people

Out there listening but when you get older

When you get to my age

When you get to Milkman

And Zolar and Legos

Yeah there's women

Women out there, like, you don't know the half of the world the way the fucking women are.

You don't know shit.

You got this fucking girlfriend, fucking virgin bitch in high school that your baby you fucked around with fingered her or some shit.

You don't know half the shit until you get into your 20s, man.

Wait until you get to, like, 26 and get into your 30s and your 40s and you get these freaky-ass women who all they want to do is fuck.

Then you're, I don't know, long story short, you don't know half the shit, man.

Dude, I'm with you.

I know.

I know half the shit.

You know half the shit, yeah.

How old are you?

You're in your 40s, you said?

You're 42, is it?

Yeah, yeah, early 40s.

You smoke weed still?

But I've been pranking for a long time, dude.

Do you smoke weed?

Be honest with me.

Do you smoke weed?

You know, not anymore.

You used to, though, when you were younger.

Yeah, back in the day.

A lot?

Were you ever a regular smoker for a period of time?

You know, Kim still splits it up on the weekends here and there.

Nice, nice.

Does Kim bring home girls ever?

I mean, is she into the other side?

Yeah, yeah, she, we, we, we've, you know, we've, uh, we've had that experience.

I, you know, I, it was more, like, more with her than me, but it was interesting.

Wow, that's great.

Yeah, it's all good.

You know, most, you know, most chicks want to do that.

Yeah, you think so?

Seriously?

Yeah.

See, my girl, she, I would never, ever, like, I would never see my girl in that situation, ever.

Like, I could never, like, she's one of those girls.

She's totally anti, she's totally anti-girl, being a girl.

Yeah, then you get your people like KDK who say everybody's bi and this and that.

You ever watch porn with her?

No.

Can't say I have.

No, no.

We keep the porn separate.

Like, I don't know.

I don't know.

It's kind of weird.

Like, you know what?

She found some porn that I had here, actually, that someone on PC had sent me.

And she made an issue out of it for, like, ten minutes.

She was like, you know, oh, I found this.

And then at the end she was like, you know what?

Whatever.

You know, she kind of, like, was like, you know, if that's, you know, I know every guy.

So she's cool.

One night, this is what you do.

Yeah.

One night, get her a little fucking drunk, get her freak on a little bit, slapping just a regular decent porn movie.

And C, check out when you get to the girl-girl scene, give a little feel between the legs after the scene.

See what happens.

And see where she's at.

Because let me tell you, you'd be very surprised when a chick sees that, they get fucking nuts.

You see, women are like that.

They can't hide that.

That's like a guy getting a hard-on.

That's just one thing, dude.

That's the litmus check.

You know, a guy can see something like that, get hard, gets off, no more proof.

But women like that, she's moist, she's moist.

You know what I mean?

You got your proof right there.

You got a point.

I got to try that with her.

I don't even know if she's listening right now.

I don't think she's listening.

She told me she wasn't.

I talked to her on the break.

Dude, whatever.

If she's listening to this, then she deserves to fucking hear it, you know?

And that's all I could say, you know?

Well, there it is.

The porn is the porn, dude, you know?

What is porn?

You know, first of all, a guy's got to have his porn.

And you know what, chicks should watch, if she doesn't watch porn, or you don't, maybe you don't know she watches porn, but, you know, I'm saying, porn is a good thing. It's educational, it's stimulating, it's comical, you know, it's all of, I was going to say comical.

You see, that's why I don't smoke anymore, bro.

Exactly, shit like that. I'll do that shit all night.

That's fucked up.

So anyway, all right, on the real, man, you know, I'm glad I called in to speak to you guys.

You know, you're all right over there.

Yeah, you are, too.

What's going on with your Lego?

What, your KDK dropped the ball and said you're going to be doing some shoutcast hosting and shit now?

What's going on with that over here?

Well, not that, I always, you know, was going to do it.

KDK had suggested it to me the other day, and I actually looked into some stuff,

and I already have a, there's a piece of software, a free piece of software that actually you can set up

like a hosting service for Shoutcast.

Right.

So I already got that software, and I have one of my technicians, one of my programmers,

modifying it for my company already.

Right.

So we can actually host already right now if somebody needs a Shoutcast server.

We can do it.

If somebody needs web hosting, I just started a new web hosting service.

The site's not up yet, but it's called webhostbrain.com, and we're going to offer packages starting at $5.95 a month.

Oh, sweet, dude.

Yeah, pretty cheap web hosting.

I'm shopping around.

I've been having trouble with my web hosting.

Yeah, come over, man.

We'll take care of you.

And so, you know, I hope KDK switches over to it also because it's cheaper than what he's getting for now.

And then the other thing is what we're going to do, I mean, you know, I'm going to use Cogent bandwidth for that

Because obviously, since I'm giving it away and I'm not really making money, I'm using a bandwidth company that's probably not as solid as like MCI or Keyspan or Globix.

Those are my other tier one lines that I use.

That's understandable.

But, you know, Cogent's good bandwidth.

There's nothing wrong with it.

And I get it cheaper, so I'm going to resell it cheaper.

and, you know, like webhostbrain.com is going to be my economy host.

There's going to be no, like, 24-7 support, but it's only going to be by email.

And, you know, whereas now, see, Get In Space, which is my main company,

I tell people, you know, they're like $19.95 a month for hosting,

which back in the day was about your average hosting package.

But still, I like to consider ourselves the Mercedes-Benz of hosting.

Nothing wrong with that.

I don't put more than, like, yeah, I don't put more than, like, two, 250 sites per shared hosting server.

Okay.

Whereas these big companies put thousands of sites, right?

Right, right.

You know, and you never know when you're going to slow down, when you're going to speed up, when there's going to be a conflict or a problem, so fuck it, you know?

Right.

Anyway, man, what, you want to make a prank?

You want to make a show?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's, yeah, we've been talking for so long, but, you know, it's cool.

I'm actually having a less prank call-y show, more talking, and it's kind of enjoyable.

Yeah, and at least I stopped you from playing that fucked up music.

I don't know what the fuck that it sounded like pimp slut or something. What song was that the milkman?

I don't know. Did you ever hear pimp slut rap? No pimp slut rap? The other night on the other night on Zolovision

I called in and pimp slut was on. Are you serious? Yeah. I didn't know that

Motherfucker didn't rap on my show. I got him into this shit. Well, you know first of all pimp slut says he's like

He says he's this gangster from fucking Florida or something. I don't know

Right, right, right, right.

He says he's a gangster.

First of all, he's like, you know, he's like one of those black guys that are white, you know?

He's like, well, you really shouldn't say that about me.

You know, I mean, he's like one of those, he's not ghetto, and he doesn't know what ghetto is.

He's Brian Gumbelblak.

He's Brian Gumbelblak is what he's trying to say, right?

Yeah.

You know, he's probably got some rich-ass, like, lawyer-doctor parents.

and he, you know, he lives, you know, I think he's got, like, in his whole school, I think

there's, like, two black people, he's one of them, and, you know, whatever, I don't

know, you know, he's a funny kid, but I'm just saying, you know, so the other day we

went up, you know, and I started spitting out some shit, you know, I fucking, you know,

I had to tear him up, you know, you gotta remember, you know, I'm Dr. Lego.

Dr. Lego keeps it real.

I got some fucking skills, dude, I've been in hip-hop, you know, I mean, I'm a rock

guy, but I've been in hip-hop, I've been in the hip-hop game, man.

Well, you have to.

You have to diversify these days.

You can't just stay with one thing anymore, man.

You got to...

No, fuck it.

Yeah, fuck it.

But I'm going to, you know, I'm going to...

You are going to hear the regular Dr. Lego song on Friday,

but you're going to hear...

I'm not going to tell you what it is,

but I took a song that I recorded with my band.

So it's an actual recording of me playing guitar,

my band, my, you know, Zudo on bass,

and my drummer, Mike, who you don't know.

And it's a popular song,

and it's fucking funny as hell, and it goes on.

Okay, so let me, before we do the prank here, I'll tell you what we have available.

You're going to be back on this Friday night.

Is that 100%, 75%, 50%?

8 o'clock.

8 o'clock?

8 o'clock.

Maybe 8.05, but I'll be on.

So we're all systems go?

We got a 50-50 chance?

We are.

No, no.

This is real.

This Friday I'm on.

Awesome, dude.

Awesome.

A lot of people keep asking, well, when's Lego coming back?

And Lego, a lot of talk about, does Lego not care anymore?

Fuck it.

So here it is.

Oh, no, Lego cares.

Lego never stopped caring.

Lego, unfortunately, is running a business,

and fucking Lego has been working.

Lego needs to get back on.

Right.

Okay, let me ask you.

Lego needs it.

Let me ask you real quick.

What happened to, there were talks before,

and Milkman is bringing this to my attention.

Thank you, Milkman.

What happened to the comedy stream?

We heard at first it was going to be a PCU1, PCU2,

a comedy stream on top and stereo.

Well, now that we're setting these servers up,

I'm going to talk to KDK about that in a little bit more detail

because we're going to run another stream.

But I'll tell you, yeah, I mean, there's a lot of things.

Like on the Comedy Network, the whole conflict started

when Zolar wanted to run some of his older shows during the day.

Gotcha.

And I think what had happened was K-Bone commented to him that,

you know, that ain't cool.

And then KDK said it wasn't cool, and Zola got all bent out of shape, and there was a whole fucking controversy, and of course I'm pulled into the middle of it.

I remember, yep.

So, you know, and my philosophy is, look, we've got something good going here, so it's not worth fighting over stupid things.

I really kind of got to say, I understand points from both of them.

I understand points that KDK made, and I understand points that Zola made.

I mean, I personally wouldn't mind hearing some of the older shows edited and broadcasted during the day

because there's a lot of people that probably listen during the day at work or wherever that won't normally listen at night.

And then they get to hear a flavor of how an actual show sounds and how it goes.

And I kind of like that idea.

But I also understand KDK's point where he's saying that, you know, people want to hear the pranks.

they don't you know when they call during when they listen during the day they want to just get

right to the gusto exactly so i think giving them the option of having the regular prank network and

then having the network that plays comedy shows quote unquote that will fucking steal and rip off

from other places plus putting in our own shows you know because there's people who like one and

people who like the other you know but now they'll have the choice like like during the day i personally

personally, would rather listen to a show than just straight prank calls. I mean, you

know what? When the Jerky Boys came out, yeah, you know, by the second album, it was enough

already, you know? I mean, maybe second or third album. I'm just saying, for me, I really

enjoyed the radio show because it's much more variety, it's interactive, you got people

calling in. People calling in, people getting their own shot. You never know what you're

going to get. Exactly. Right. I mean, sometimes it sucks. Look, I've had shows that have been

and, like, fucking abortions, but you know what?

It is what it is.

You never know what you're going to get.

Sometimes you get some crazy great shit, so spit it, spit it.

So what are our choices?

Yeah, anyway, let's move on.

I was going to say something really good, but I forgot.

Sorry to interrupt you.

No, no, fuck it, dude.

No, fuck that.

We got Surly Wench Pub.

I'm losing my voice because I'm smoking a cigar.

Surly Wench Pub in Tucson, Arizona.

We got Chip and Crack in Chester, Virginia.

I have no idea.

Well, here's one thing.

We got this redneck answer to Chip and Crack in Virginia about 15 minutes ago,

so we might be able to get him to answer back if we want to try to call him.

Sure.

Now, what's his name, Chip and Crack?

Well, the place is called Chip and Crack.

It's a business, and it's a redneck guy who answered there.

I don't know if we've got anything to work with there.

Let me see what else we've got here.

Hang on.

Kim just walked in.

Do you want to talk to her?

Yeah, sure.

I'll be respectful this time.

All right.

You don't like me.

She's being a fucking bitch.

She hates me, because I pissed her off at one time.

No, she doesn't hate you.

She's just being a bitch.

She's pissed off at me.

Whatever.

Because I told her, you know, I'm not into the whole fucking marriage thing anymore.

Tell her to get over it, then.

Is she married to you, or are you guys...

Yeah, no, I don't know who she's married to.

Whatever.

Tell her to get over it.

You know, these women, you know, don't get me started on women and all their bullshit

and all their fucking...

She doesn't give up the fucking cooch.

Yeah.

She's a pain in the fucking ass.

You see what I mean?

I mean, isn't it true, once you get married, that's what happens, right?

They don't give up the cooch.

She looks good.

Yeah, what the fuck?

She looks good, you know?

Fuck looks, man.

Fuck.

It's got to all have been, you know, motherfucking, man.

You got your needs.

You know, it's ever since she tattooed that little spot between her asshole and her pussy.

Yeah.

And she's been all, like, fucking mean.

She tattooed her taint?

Yeah, man.

With what?

A picture of me.

Okay.

That's what she thinks of me.

Nice.

All right, all right, there you go.

There's a picture of me.

There's a little teeny picture of me that you can only see with a magnifying glass.

the guy who did it was this guy anal gupta and he's just like he's like this fucking rocket

scientist tattoo artist does like microfilm type tattoos nice so he like tattooed her taint and

it's a picture of me so this is this is what she thinks of me i'm like i'm like between her ass and

her puss and that's that's like kind of like you know like it's a representation of what i am to

her there you go well that's always nice uh okay here we go like i'm like the shit and piss in her

life nice you're right in the middle of the two there's lego anyway hey we got um we got the bed

rock recording studio that just answered about uh two minutes ago she just said to me she says

she just says she's like who's the nigger around here the nigger around here the head nigger in

charge you see man all right i'm sorry man i can't when kim goes off it's funny fucking women

man i swear to god i can't stand him um we got uh looks like lonesome losers has confirmed two

two recording studios for you

if you want to try them.

Um...

Bedrock?

Yeah, I'll fight it.

We got the Bedrock

recording studio.

I'd rather call...

You know what, dude?

I'm in the mood to, like,

call, you know, like,

a 7-Eleven or a fast food place

or a McDonald's,

something like that.

We got a Blockbuster video

in California.

Yeah, go ahead.

Give me Blockbuster.

All right, let's see

if they still answer.

This was confirmed

about an hour ago.

Blockbuster's gonna answer

in California.

They're there

until fucking midnight.

Yeah, and it's 9.30

over there, so yeah.

Okay, fuck it.

We'll do that then.

Okay.

Okay, well, hang on, Lego, you hang on the line there.

Hang on, let me take you off here.

Anyway, yeah, hang on, Lego's off the line.

We're going to come back with a blockbuster video in California in just a second.

Dr. Lego, you're listening to The Madhouse.

It's now Wednesday.

It's the hump day, finally.

Wednesday, the 1st of March, 1st of the month.

So grab your checks and come off.

I've got to play that song.

Anyway, we'll be right back after this, everybody.

Hang on.

The host of Cooking with the King, the King.

Welcome to another edition of Cooking with the King.

Today at the King, we're going to try to expand international relations by going over to England and eating us some fish and chips.

So, of course, first thing you do is get on a leased marine, flying over to London.

Da-hoo, da-hoo, da-hoo.

You bring the King a little something to eat.

And pilot, make sure you fly on the left side of the ocean.

We're going to England.

All right, here we are in London.

And, of course, we have arranged for the American Embassy here in London.

Thank you, Client Barber.

Sir, can I help you?

Yes, hello.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi, how are you doing?

Who is this?

This is Lindsay.

How are you?

Ruthie?

Lindsay.

Oh, Lindsay, how are you doing?

I'm doing good.

Thank you.

This is Jake Ryan.

I was in there earlier today, and I was checking on that new movie you guys have.

Mm-hmm.

Which one?

But, you know, the person I spoke to there, who's the guy?

The guy, like, he's kind of like, he's skinny with, um, skinny, like, dark hair.

Uh, could be Gerald.

Yeah, was he working? He was working there, right, Gerald?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, what movie?

I want to see, well, I wanted to see a really crazy movie.

I asked him what's a really crazy kind of movie.

You know, I was in the mood for something freaky.

Mm-hmm.

So he said to get that movie Spun.

Spun?

Yes, Spun.

Okay.

It's about a bunch of crackheads that go nuts.

Okay.

And that's kind of like what I was into seeing.

and he said it should be back in later today.

Okay, I'll check for you if you want.

Is he still there, Gerald?

No, he's not.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

Lindsay, let me ask you something.

Uh-huh.

Have you seen that movie?

No, I haven't.

The only freaky, freaky movie I've seen is Saw II.

Saw II.

Now, is that a movie that,

is that the one where the guy falls in the pit of needles?

The woman, yes.

Oh, okay.

I didn't know it was a woman.

and I thought it might have been, like, a shemale or something.

Oh, no.

Okay.

Now, what did you think of that?

Was that good?

Yeah, it's really, really good.

It's actually, like, it's kind of a mind twister.

Yeah.

Now, would you say that was as good as the first Saw or better?

Better.

Way better.

And, okay, and is that the kind of movie you would, like, watch, you know,

with your boyfriend or something?

Yeah, of course.

Especially if you had someone and you get scared, they might jump on you.

I want to watch with my boyfriend, I think.

But I don't want him to be too scared.

Well, it's more of like if you like games, you know, how killers have games.

That's pretty much what it is.

I love that.

I love games.

Yeah, like mind games.

I love like Hollywood Squares.

That's a good game.

Did you watch it with your boyfriend?

Saw?

Yeah.

I watched that with a couple of friends of mine.

And did they jump on you?

They jumped.

I don't know if they jumped on me, but they did jump.

Yeah, they, okay, because I, see, I'm looking for the horror movie, like, that's funny.

Funny horror?

Yeah, like, like, like, to me, I don't know if you saw that movie, The Exorcist.

Um, I tried to watch it, The Exorcist of Emily Rose, and I couldn't get into that one.

Yeah, see, I thought that movie was funny.

You did?

Yeah, because the girl spun her head around, and then she threw up on everybody.

buddy yeah i saw the original exorcist yeah wasn't that funny yeah that one it wasn't scary at all

so me all right i'll tell you what so i'm gonna come to jake ryan and i'm gonna um i'm gonna come

there do you i want to get spun and soft three two all right okay and and then maybe you know

like maybe you know you and i we could watch it maybe oh you're saying you now listen i'm a good

looking guy i thought you had a boyfriend nah he's he's just a friend oh you know he don't mean

nothing to me he's limp as a plant i can't deal with i can't deal with that so let me ask you this

like what are you wearing right now i'm sorry what are you wearing are you like dressed up in that

little cute blockbuster outfit of course we have to be but i love that i love that look though it's

like a sexy thing it's like a fetish so um you want us to hold the movies for you uh yeah yeah

Yeah, don't, you know, don't get all crazy on me and shit.

I'm, you know, I'm just, like, you know, I'm just, like, telling you, like, people are doing some freaky things, you know?

Yeah, okay.

See, now you got all serious on me now.

Me? No.

You're upset with me now.

No, no, no, no.

You know, you're just like the guy at 7-Eleven.

7-Eleven?

Yeah, you see, man, you know, like, I had a, you know, like, you and I, we could be friends.

We could hang out.

We could go places.

You know, I could probably get you out of that crazy blockbuster life you're in.

I could probably get you, like, a Fortune 500 type of situation.

I think that would be a lot of people's dreams.

Have you ever thought about the Internet?

No, I haven't.

Well, let me tell you, there's a lot of money to be made.

That's what I'd do.

Really?

Yeah.

I mean, do you want to get out of that, like, crappy job that's going nowhere?

I mean, what's the most you could ever do?

Be the manager there?

Yeah.

What's the manager make at a blockbuster?

They actually get great benefits.

Do you think you can hold on for me one second, please?

Okay.

Fucking hold.

We've got a radio show.

Hey, dude, Satan sent in about a 7-Eleven and sent in a bunch of 7-Elevens for you.

Yeah?

All right, we could do a 7-Eleven.

We'll do one more.

Most alluded to the same.

Blockbusters are being shut down soon.

Exactly.

As earth dogs.

Mika.

You hang up on the bitch.

Fuck up.

You want to hang up on her?

Want to do one more?

The 7-Eleven?

Yeah, give me a 7-Eleven.

I'll tell you where I got them.

Compton, Scotts Valley, California, East Coast, California, Oakland, Santa Cruz, Glendale.

Then we got Chula Vista, Hollister, Gilroy, or Lomita, all in California

Okay

Any choice or whatever I want?

I'll tell you what, show you pick

Oakland, California

Just make sure you get me an Indian guy

Alright, okay, who, Indian guy?

Yeah, most of them are Indians, go ahead, pop me over

We'll do Oakland, Oaktown

Okay

Alright, hang on dude, we'll be right back with the next call, hang on

This is VCU

Craig Master, how you doing?

How you doing?

What's next?

I've got a quiet kid

It's called a bomb threat.

I got hopes in my mouth.

I got big, you got big toys in my mouth.

Let's go.

Let's go walk again.

He's threatening everyone now.

Hello.

Yeah, we can call my teacher.

Hello.

Who is this?

It's a prank master.

You look so prank.

7 hours, 53 minutes, 29 seconds.

That's great.

What's going on?

I was in the store earlier.

My name is Jake.

Yes, sir.

I was in your store earlier today, 11, about 4.30 o'clock.

A bit of a problem.

I came in the store around 4.35 o'clock today to pick up, you know, some dog food and rice chips.

And you were out of rice chips, by the way.

But when I was there, I was standing in the aisle, and there was a man next to me, like an Indian guy.

And he grabbed my my he grabbed me in my penis and say hey, baby

You want to come to my place already?

Hello, is that it? Yeah, fucker hang up

When I do one more hang on go and try a different one, I guess he was too receptive

Okay, dude, this was in Compton. I'm so drunk me too. Good. No, no. Hey, hey, what's going on, man?

Listen, I bought a case of beer, a six-pack over there.

And when I got the thing home, I was missing five of the beers.

You bought the six-pack and missing five?

Yes.

How can be six-pack and you're missing five and you just took one?

I was just wondering if I could bring me a six-pack back and get a place for a regular six-pack.

When did you buy it?

It was probably about 6 o'clock.

You're the one over in Compton. This is 7-Eleven over in Compton, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, I bought a six-pack, and when I got it back and I opened it up, there was only one beer in there.

No, you cannot change it. If you want to change it, you have to bring it tomorrow morning.

Why is that?

Because we cannot change it.

No, no, but what's the difference? Will I bring it back now or in the morning?

In the morning, the boss will be here. He can change it. We cannot change it.

Well, who's the manager of the store?

Yeah, he's the manager. He'll be here tomorrow morning.

Yeah, but isn't there a manager on duty, an assistant manager?

No.

Listen, I just got this thing, and I need to have more than one beer.

Yeah, then you buy a new thing, and that you're going to fund it later on.

I'm sorry?

Well, no, I always buy my beer there.

I thought, you know, hello?

He hung up.

Not supposed to.

Someone's still there.

Listen, I buy all my beer over there.

I never have a problem.

Okay, up to you.

I can try one more for you.

Ooh, I got definite Indian guys answering here.

Yeah, I know.

All right, I'm going to have to go right for the throat.

Please enter your destination number.

You got to go?

Go ahead.

I'm going to use a different approach.

Send services like news, stock quotes, and more.

Press do count.

Gandhi G, what's up, man?

Okay, sir.

Fine, how are you doing?

Hey, yeah, Boney Safa wants you to take me by the hand.

Listen, I got to tell you, I got some bad news for you, man.

What is that?

I got some bad news.

I've been fucking your wife.

Okay, fuck, I don't mind.

I am.

Yeah, I'm fucking your wife, dude.

Yeah, fuck, no problem.

It's good, right? As long as I can pay for her, I can have her, right?

Yeah, yeah.

She's a slutty little bitch.

Okay, no problem.

Gandhi G, so it's okay, man. So listen, let's get past that. Make me a sandwich. What do you got?

What do you want?

What do you recommend? The roast beef?

Yeah, I can make it for you.

Yeah, just don't fucking comment it or anything, all right?

I'll have a roast beef sandwich on rye, the little extra fucking pickled herring.

Okay.

Now, let me ask you this, man.

Seriously, are there any, like, hot-looking sluts over there right now?

Yeah.

All right, so how about this?

I'll come over there, I'll pop you some Viagra, and you and I will bang the bitches.

Okay.

We'll double-team them.

Me and you, we'll double-team them together.

We'll high-five each other as we're banging them.

What do you think?

You in?

Okay, Gandhi G.

I love you, man.

Okay, and let me clear that out.

Okay, and we're back.

All right, Lego, not bad, man, not bad at all.

Yeah, that sucked, but it was fun.

No, it was good, man.

Cool.

Cool. So any other shout-outs you'd like to do?

Any more news you want to announce about getting space or some shit?

Yeah, you know, I'd like to shout-out to my girlfriend.

I'd like to make a few shout-outs to my girlfriend.

And shout-out to my wife.

And then I'd like to shout-out to my bisexual lover, KDK.

Nice.

And, yeah, right? Whatever.

Man, no shout-outs. Shout-out to you, my friend.

What do you think of that?

Hey, shout-out to you, my friend.

Shout-out to Milkman.

and both of us can say shout-out to Milkman, all right?

Shout-out to Milkman.

All right, man.

Well, hey, we'll catch you Friday.

I'll be listening, man, for sure.

Yeah, Friday, call in, whatever, man.

It'll be a big party.

Skype.

Friday, I'm going to have two phone lines going and Skype,

so there'll be plenty of room for people to get in.

Is Dedede going to be on?

Is he a co-host?

Yeah, Dedede is pretty much one of my guys.

You know, he is just a funny motherfucker,

fucker and I think

he's going to actually come take a visit this summer

and we're going to do like a live show with

me, Zolard, the dead, Zudo

and Great Scott. Awesome, man.

That's awesome.

We're going to see what we're talking about.

Although, you know, Great Scott

is a little scared to have him come to New York

but we'll see what happens.

He comes across as a very scared individual

but that's okay. He seems very paranoid.

That's all about weed smoking, I think.

Dude, he calls me up, man. Like, he'll call me

up when he's not on the air and he goes

Hey, Lego, you know what I'm doing right now?

I'm touching my penis.

Oh, Jesus, God.

Yeah, he'll, like, do that kind of shit.

And I'm like, well, you know what, dude?

Whatever.

I said, you know, if you're going to call me up, don't call me up with that kind of shit.

They'll be gay.

You know what I mean?

Just be cool.

He's not, though.

I asked him.

He's definitely not gay.

Oh, whatever.

He says he pretty much does it for shock value.

Yeah, sure.

You know?

That's pretty serious.

You know, he even, like, told me his whole deal.

Like, he's, like, a really smart guy.

He's, like, a geek, a computer geek.

Yeah.

He's just got, like...

Dude, you and I are probably people that don't sound fucked up when we talk on this fucking...

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

Even KDK, he's got a funny lisp, but...

Yeah, he's got, like, a little thing going, and then, uh...

He's got, like, you know, he's got his funny thing.

Prankmaster's got a weird thing going.

I mean, like, a lot of people are fucked, man.

He's fucked up.

Why don't you join me up on my little crusade to not call him Prankmaster?

Because he's no fucking master of pranks.

I say, just call him Adam or...

You know what, dude?

You know what my feeling is with that guy?

You know, I've actually spoken to him on the phone.

Oh, God, you too?

Jesus.

No, dude, like, seriously, I've had a...

I feel kind of bad for the dude.

Like, I don't, you know, I think some people are just, you know, they can't help.

He's, you know, I think he's limited, but I don't think he's such a bad guy.

And, you know, I know a lot of people don't like him, but you know what?

After talking to him a couple of times, he's just a guy who really enjoys, whatever it is, he really likes doing pranks.

And I'll give him props.

Sometimes he comes up with some cool ideas and whatever, and he could be funny in his own way.

But, you know, look, he fingered that little chick, you know, whatever, you know.

I mean, you know, I don't know, man.

Who knows what the story is?

It's all we can say.

You don't like him, though, huh?

Me?

Yeah, he's just boring to me.

You know, everybody is all Prankmasters.

I'm like, man, let's just move on and do something else that's funny.

Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying.

I say don't make an issue of it.

And if the guy calls in, you know, one thing I've got to say about Prankmaster

and whether we like him or we don't like him, he's been a big contributor to PCU.

Well, here's the thing I see.

Here's what I've learned that's happened with Adam, Prankmaster, Erlander on my show.

He'll call in, okay?

okay, he'll get people pissed off, and then, and then Zolar calls in, and then so-and-so calls in,

and then the dead calls in, and everybody just wants to talk about Prankmaster, and it's like

Prankmaster has attained his goal of becoming the focus of all the attention during the live show,

and I just don't want to subject, so I, I banned him, I just, you know what, it's not funny,

it's been done, if KDK and Zolar want to talk about Prankmaster all night, go ahead and do it,

I'm just gonna stick to doing prank calls

Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying

But I'm saying, if he calls into your show

You know, and he wants to do a prank

Let him do a prank

But don't, you know, don't

I'm saying, don't make an issue

Let's get past, let's get past, you know

The fucking, you know, shit with the child molest

Pedophile crime

I mean, you know, fuck it, whatever, dude

You know, I'm sick of it

I'm sick of all that shit, too

That's why I'm saying

When he calls into my show, you know what?

I don't, I don't, um

I don't get into it

I'm not into the drama of it

I'm like hey man what's up

You want to do a prank

Fine here's your prank

Exactly

And go

And I'll talk to him a minute

And then you know

Thanks for calling in

See you later

Just like any other call

Exactly

Yeah

That's my feeling

I agree

It's too much fucking drama with that

We did it

We were there

And we're past it

You're right

You're absolutely right

Yeah I get so pissed off

So I'm just sitting here

Like man fucking here we go

Prank master

When did that start

In the fucking November

October of last year

Or some shit

I don't even remember

When the fuck

I'm tired of it man

I don't want to talk

About that shit anymore

I don't know that the kid, when he calls, and even if he just calls, and everybody in the chat room goes sour,

and starts talking about Pedal Master, I'm like, fuck, I'm tired, it's boring, it's stupid already, God, fuck it.

Exactly.

It had its value.

If he can't be involved with just doing prank calls, and everybody just reverts back to the old joke,

then I'm done with it.

Then whenever, I told him to wait six months, call me back, see how people react.

It's not even funny.

It's not, it's stupid already, I'm tired of it.

Everybody's tired.

So that's why I'm saying, ignore the chat room, let the guy do his prank, and then fucking move on, you know?

Yeah, I gotcha, man.

All right, Lego.

That's my philosophy.

All right, well, thanks for keeping it real.

Thanks for calling us tonight, Tuesday night.

It was awesome having you.

I'll try to call in Friday.

I'll definitely be listening.

No problem.

Yeah, man.

If you want me to talk to your girlfriend for you, you know, about the porn.

Yeah, we'll do that.

We'll do that.

All right, man, Friday.

No, I mean, you know, because I think it's time she sits down and watches, like, you know, a nice, a good porn movie.

Okay, well, help me out, man. That'd be awesome.

All right. You know, tell her you spoke to me.

Mm-hmm.

Tell her what we discussed, and I would like to talk to her about the situation.

Right on. Right on. We'll make that happen, dude.

And it doesn't even have to be on the air.

I'll, you know, if you want, you know, just try and meet a number. I'll call her.

Okay. I'll hook you up. We'll talk.

All right. All right, man. I'll take care of you.

Peace out, man. Later, man.

Peace out, my brother.

All right, bro.

Okay, that was Dr. Leg, everybody.

And that's like a racehorse. Like, you don't know.

Milkman, you still with me?

Yeah, man.

man. Wow, we've been going off pretty

strong, man. Why don't you do that

tribute song I sent you? Okay, tell me

which, real quick, which is

the tribute song that you sent me? Because I don't

see it here. The one I sent you

very first this afternoon. Oh, Andy the Sheriff? Okay, here

we go. Okay, so everybody knows

this is going out for

what's his name? Don Knotts.

Don Knotts, the famous

comedian. Best known is

Barney Fife

in Mayberry Art.

Okay, so he, Don Knotts,

Don Knotts, he died yesterday, is that correct?

He died yesterday.

Don Knotts, who played Mr. Roper, was it?

That was over the weekend.

Over the weekend.

He played Barney Fife on Andy Griffith and Mr. Roper on Three's Company, as well as a

lot of other shit.

He's passed away.

Another comedian is gone.

Another influence in the madhouse.

To you, I'm sure.

Okay, well, this is a tribute for him.

I gotta take a piss.

Remembering that Barney was a man.

All right.

Well, Milkman.

It's crazy, man.

Barney.

Milkman, take the reins.

I've got to take a piss.

Take the reins real quick.

And you talk if you want.

Here's your trivia.

I'll be right back.

Hang on, folks.

No, I'll let the song stay.

And we'll wrap things up.

No, just for Scott.

All right.

Bring up the audio.

That's a long ass best friend.

Just because I'm an expert shot of it.

He's my good guy.

Barney 5.

I'll say it's a lie.

Probably take the squad car.

Okay.

I'm back.

So, rest in peace, Barney 5,

Life, a.k.a. Milkman, help me out here. Don Knotts. Don Knotts. Don Knotts and Mr. Furley.

Mr. Furley. It wasn't Mr. Roper. Who was Mr. Roper, then? Who was Mr. Roper on Three's

Company? No, no, Mr. Roper was the old gray-haired dude. He was the guy, the gray-haired guy,

man. The first one. Okay, so, okay. So, Don Knotts was the second guy on that show. Yeah,

yeah and and and after i guess uh...

uh... early

picture

donna stick over as mister for a minute

the brand on that

mister for me was a gay character wasn't he like in the closet game

he wasn't the uh... he was just he was just played like

since we'd like the other one like you know like uh... thinking that

a guy living with two girls had yeah

that was the whole premise of uh...

of a priest company.

He pretended like

John Ritter, he's also

gone a long way.

That was just a trick to...

That's crazy shit.

He pretended like he was a fag.

He pretended like he was a fag because

that way then, in those days,

you weren't allowed to live with

somebody in the 70s. That was a no-no.

If a landlord found out about that shit,

you'd be burned out.

He pretended like he was gay around

the landlord.

or some horny dude

and had a couple friends

that were girls

and shared a room with.

So you'd never see

that kind of shit

in this day and age

because it's all changed now.

But in the day,

it was funny as hell, man.

Barney came on there

as Mr. Farley

and just totally

whacked it up.

Dude.

I'm going to call it a night.

It's one o'clock.

You sound hurt.

Yeah, I'm tired.

I got to get up.

I get up at 6 o'clock in the morning.

So I've got about four and a half hours of sleep

by the time I get all settled and shit here.

So, oh, dude, I've got to watch my show, too, The Shield.

Anyway, fuck.

And I'm hungry, too.

I never ate dinner tonight.

So, anyway, we're going to call it a night.

Everybody, please.

Go ahead.

Make sure you give your buddy, the cat, a good petting.

Yeah, sure.

I'll take care of that.

Book bag kitty.

Yeah, exactly.

Everybody, be sure to visit Madhouse Live.

Dot com and kdkprintcalls.com.

Thank you, everybody who listened tonight.

Thank you, Lonesome Loser, for sending numbers.

You know, there were a lot of numbers that got sent in today,

and we just did so much talking and so much just having, you know,

cool conversations and talking about Lego and stuff like that.

We didn't get to a lot of stuff, and I'm sorry.

And as I said before, we can do with, we're not going to be on Thursday night.

You're going to have K-Bone, who normally would be on tonight, on Tuesday night.

He'll be on.

He's running out of schedules.

Yeah, they're working on it.

Yeah, so normally tonight you hear him.

Yeah, everybody can remember he's going to be on Wednesday.

This is a different week.

Yeah, so normally you'd hear him tonight on Tuesday night, but we did a switch.

That's K-Bone's Crazy Talk starting at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Tomorrow night, KDK is going to be on with an exclusive Hunter status update,

The Hunter Show, which is our Monday night show.

Be sure to tune in tomorrow.

I guess he's been invited to call in.

Maybe he's going to get fired.

That's my suggestion.

My suggestion, excuse me, Freudian slip, that's what my idea would be that's going to happen.

Milkman, any, well, we'll get to that later.

Anyway, Thursday nights you normally hear us, the Madhouse, me, Milkman, and Annie here on Thursday nights.

We can't make it.

Cycle Babble is tomorrow, man.

Cycle Babble is tomorrow.

Get there.

That is the drama show.

Yeah, that is the drama show.

Don't miss it.

That's a good show, man.

Anything to come out, any bullshit, that's the show that you want to catch if you like to hear the shit.

Exactly.

So the shit comes out on Wednesday because of this drinking show.

Yeah, it's the fucking day.

So KDK gets the shots going, maybe takes a couple puffs,

gets a list of kitties, gets them fried,

and then people just start coming off the wall.

People come out of the woodwork, Pete, that night, man.

People, yeah, a lot of people do.

Never going to miss it.

It's always a surprise.

Thursday night's normally us.

10 p.m. Eastern, Madhouse, you're going to hear K-Bone.

instead this week only

next week we'll be back on Thursday night

on our normal night, that's when you'll hear us

yay K-Bone

yay K-Bone, now Friday night

we'll hear

and then Friday, we're going to have

mental discrepancies is actually coming back

on the air

you heard it first in the Madhouse

you heard here first, Dr. Lego has announced

another exclusive on the Madhouse

we heard first, Dr. Lego will

return with mental

discrepancies at 8pm Eastern

this coming Friday

to kick off your weekend

followed by none other than

the always controversial Zolar

who will start at 10pm

Eastern with Zolar Vision and he'll probably

go off until 4, 5, 6 in the morning

depending on the day. The funny thing

is I'll listen to Zolar and it'll

be 10.30 you know

Probably about sunrise. Yeah

well no he said I swear to god he said

at 10.30 he said

I'm not going to do a late show

I'm tired this and that I just came back from this

I'm like, okay, so I just go to sleep at 11.

I wake up at 6, and the motherfucker's still on.

That's fucking great shit.

He is still on.

He is a vampire.

Yeah, he loves the shit, so that's awesome.

Listen to Zolar Friday nights as well as Dr. Lego starting at 8 p.m.

and then 10 p.m. consecutively all the way up until Saturday morning.

Saturday at 8 p.m., Joop will be on.

He has his show, Monkey Phone's Retard Night.

night now he did post he did post i don't know if you knew about this in the forums but he posted

that he's in the process of a move and he may or may not be able to do a show so stay posted

uh to the forums and the pcu i'm sure we'll hear a word of that or the chat room but um normally

you'll hear him friday nights at 8 p.m for the retard night uh he may or may not make it this

week he said he might try to do something going to another house i don't know but uh if not the

Saturday nights at 8 p.m.

At 8 p.m., that's right.

He's on Saturdays then, right?

And he's up Saturday for KDK.

Yeah, that's right.

KDK's on right after that.

He'll be on for sure, 10 p.m.

He never fails.

10 p.m. Eastern.

Flagship show.

The flagship show of the network, KDK.

Hosted KDK's Psychobabble.

No, Lunatic Fringe.

Oh, Psychobabble.

Lunatic Fringe is a Saturday show.

Sunday nights, Sean Ward.

Saturday, man.

Yeah, Sunday nights, Sean Ward is on at 9 p.m. Eastern.

for his Peanut Punch Radio.

And then Monday night, you'll be able to catch, who knows, Hunter.

Milkman, right, he might be losing his show, who knows.

He's normally on at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Just listen and see if he's on still.

I don't know, dude.

Yeah, you'll have to listen tomorrow to find out.

I've been trying to get with it,

and I've just been getting disconnected somehow.

Yeah, you'll have to listen tomorrow night to listen

to find out what's going to happen with that tomorrow night.

Yeah, definitely.

If anything's going to be said tomorrow night,

like I said, because everybody comes in just to have a buzz

and have some laughs.

It's not a prank call night.

I mean, it does happen whenever he's in a good mood,

but it's not a requirement.

It's a treat if he does do any calls.

And it's a big buzz party.

Everybody gets crazy in here.

So I always tune in for Psycho Babble.

It's one of my favorite shows because it's always a surprise.

You just never know what the hell's going to happen in that show.

Gotcha.

Well, there it is.

Milkman, go ahead and hook us up with your usual good balls.

All right, bro.

Listen, man, thanks a lot.

Thanks a lot.

Thanks a lot so much for getting us on the air tonight.

It's really a neat time slot, and it was a lot of fun.

Definitely some different dynamics here.

And we did have a good turnout.

Thank you, everybody.

everybody also for showing up i'd like to express my thanks to madman who provides us with this

wonderful boxing ring right here that we have everybody can knock each other down and leave

here laughing in this wonderful chat room here on lazy net also the man that gives us our voice

dr lego provides us with the the complimentary stream here at pcu and allows us to come into

and all your ear balls there at home.

And KDK, our wonderful sponsor, our benevolent sponsor,

who allows us to come on the air in grace to airwaves in VCU style

throw our own little spin on it also want to throw a special

thank you out to Lonesome Loser, the most

dedicated man

here at PCU. He is

the official call

confirmer of PCU.

Lonesome Loser, big high five.

The most

underrated man in the

network. He's essential.

Thank you, Lonesome. Thank you for

everything, dude. Thank you for everything

you do, exactly.

High five to you.

Quick shout out to Ellie, my girl.

Love you. I'm sorry you're around. She's sick.

So, everybody, hope that she gets to be a little bit better,

and maybe we'll hear from her again soon.

Definitely.

So, thanks a lot.

All for you, PCU.

This whole thing's for you.

We are glad that you came here because that's the only reason we're here,

is to keep you guys laughing.

That's right.

You guys know we love it when you call in and you participate.

Everybody who sent numbers who I didn't get to, I'm sorry.

Save those for tomorrow.

Well, not tomorrow, but Thursday.

You can try those again with cable, and if not,

we'll try to hit them up next week.

on Thursday we'll be back

and on next Thursday

yeah what else can I say

thank you everybody who called in tonight

Pimp Slut and Lego and anybody else who else called in tonight

nobody

we didn't get a lot of callers

we didn't give out the toll free number out

because we did a lot of talking

anyway good show man thanks for showing up

it's always a pleasure

thank you for the phone card

and everything man

it's great

couldn't do this without you man

so peace out

All right, and, yeah, that's it for the night.

We'll catch you here, I guess, a week from Thursday.

Stay tuned for more recorded prank calls and live shows every night.

That's it.

Night, folks.

All right, you lucky dog.

You're going to get some leg.

Hot sweet, you're going to get some leg.

I just gave it to her today.

She didn't want to interrupt me.

I can't kill a tree, dude.

We're going to trade feet for bread, buddy.

I got your dirty laundry over here on my face.

Calling me from block number.

I ain't know a block number.

What you need to do is hang up.

Look, man, I heard your whole conversation.

Don't make me call the police.

Who called the police then?

Yeah, you know what's up.

Yeah, I got you.

I'm going to blackmail you.

I'm so scared.

Jive turkey ass motherfucker.

What's your problem now?

Jive turkey, you bitch.

You didn't hear, boy.

You jive turkey motherfucker.

Who the shit is this guy?

What do you know?

Man, you can show me a place where I'm about to come whoop some motherfuckers ass

I don't even know who the fuck you're talking about.

How much you going to charge, you guys?

Pick somebody up over here to tax the cab.

Man, this ain't no motherfucking taxi charge.

You come fucking picking somebody up, I'm going to whoop your goddamn ass.

I kicked your ass, you son of a bitch, you and your goddamn mother.

What?

Your mother.

You motherfucking nigga, how you like that, you piece of shit?

I know, you're a fucking nigga, you son of a bitch.

You nigga, you motherfucker.

How you like it, man?

What?

Man, I'm a motherfucking bitch that's on the goddamn phone.

This is a white man that don't want to hear from no goddamn niggas calling me in the fuckin' middle of the night.

Listen, boy. Listen, boy. Listen, boy.

I'll show you a boy in a 12-gig shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen, cracker.

I'm gonna have three letters.

Listen here, cracker. Listen here, cracker.

You got that, cracker?

I'll show you some fuckin' three-letter, motherfucker.

I'll shoot you here. I'll shoot you here.

Are you Michael Frazier?

Man, this ain't Michael Frazier, man. This is a white man.

Look, let me just ask you real quick.

First of all, um, why don't you shut the hell, why don't you shut the hell up?

You fuck you, you stupid bitch.

Yeah, how you guys doing, man?

Staying in Honolulu.

About to date.

Tahiti Street?

Yes.

To the K, yo.

KFC.

Yo, just...

Delivery.

Dip a wing in your pocket and run it up to me?

Yeah, but I'm only one over here.

I cannot, uh, drop a chicken on you.

We would give you a couple hundred dollars, though.

Even though, God.

Are you ready?

I wish I was the governor.

Just pretend I'm shitting on you, okay?

No problem?

Okay.

I'm going to go.

Ah!

Oh, my God!

Yeah.

Oh, I got to go.

Please do wash your hands.

Yeah.

What kind of life do you have where you have to do this stuff?

So this is a very interesting radio you have.

Very interesting radio thing if you have that, you know?

Because it just shows me that you have, like, nothing going.

No, I got plenty.

This is what we do, man.

I do this all the time.

I get lots of girls.

This is what you do.

Yeah, yeah.

Not everybody, because anybody with a half a brain that I know don't listen.

Anybody with a half a brain would listen to this show instead of eating your shitty-ass pizza.

How old are you?

Thirteen.

Yeah, fucking right. You sound like you're fucking eighteen or nineteen.

Thirteen, I said.

Yeah, right.

Yes, I was born thirteen years ago, last Friday.

Mm-hmm.

I'm hanging up, and you better not call.

Do you have stripes in your underwear?

Do I have what?

Stripes in your underwear.

You are a sick fuck!

Come on, let me talk to your sister, man. Be a pal.

No!

Have you ever seen your sister naked?

No!

What's your business?

Trenzor a lot.

So what is the-

Do you torture small animals?

Uh, Trenzor a lot.

Is it about the grocery store? Cause I-

No.

I'm all- I just don't have time for these questions.

No.

I deserve to be treated better than this.

No, it is, but is there anything I can help you with in- with the grocery store at all?

No.

You seem to me to be a very honest and straightforward individual.

Yes, but I just don't think that these questions are relevant to the grocery store, that's all.

What?

Yeah, you're really playing the victim.

I think you like being a victim because it's easier for you to rebel.

Quit taking yourselves to them seriously.

Okay.

Do you judge the rest of us, the non-beautiful people?

Of course not.

Is that the truth or a lie?

It's the truth.

Do you agree that you've been sexually active?

That's not relevant to you at all?

Yeah.

So is there anything I can help you with at the grocery store?

Yeah.

Would you like to...

Do you go into the store and steal groceries?

Because I work here.

You just said it is articulate, it is intelligent, and it is logical.

How about when this is over, we go do a little coke?

No, that's all right.

Thank you.

Yeah, I'll bet you.

Is there anything I can help you with, or...

You are a paranoid controller.

I'm talking to you about the only person in this world you control, and that's you.

Okay.

Let me just be honest with you.

I want you to...

Okay, is there anything you need help with at the grocery store?

No.

Well, can you ask that question, please?

Because I have to be somewhere else in the store.

Yes.

Okay, what would that be then, sir?

Are you mad?

I'm not.

What's your question?

Well, I'm asking you what you need from the grocery store.

Are you taking medication?

No.

I'm a drunk pimp.

I'm not sure what benefit you got out of being a drunk pimp.

Yep. You can get self-righteous until the cows come home, change what you don't acknowledge.

Let me ask you, is there a lot?

I don't do that. Is there anything relevant to the grocery store that I can help you with?

Yes.

Okay, do you want to get to that point, please?

Yes.

Thank you.

Do you go into the store and steal groceries?

Nothing relevant about that question.

Uh, yeah.

Is there anything I can help you with?

What I'm telling you here is, tell me your best quality.

Unfortunately, I don't have time for this, sir.

And you believe that you just have no redeeming qualities, no nothing?

Sorry, not really. No, I don't.

Tell me why it's all about body image and not about self-image.

Is there anything else I can help you with?

Yeah.

Tell me about all the gifts and skills and abilities you have.

I'm really sorry, but I'm like, is there anything you need from the grocery store?

Because I don't have time for these questions.

Does that make common sense?

It's just about time.

Do you have anything that I can help you with from the grocery store?

you know i didn't just come in on a load of turnips i know that and i really do want you

to consider one more thing sure and that is i want you to really really really search your heart

and try to forgive yourself for everything that has transpired thus far okay i will do that thanks

for your call you're welcome gotta run los angeles dodgers right and he uh used to curse like a

a mother-effer everywhere he went, in the locker room at least.

And, well, here's some of his old tirade.

I'm the happiest son of a bitch in the world.

That son of a bitch who writes under that daily news,

that fucking guy they call the fucking nose,

who says that shit, me jumping up and down,

that's horse shit, you ought to let him feel like I have.

Who the fuck is that cocksucker anyway?

Some fucking guy that writes with the New York Daily News

called the fucking nose, he says,

sort of jumping up and down.

That's the fucking way I feel when my team wins

And if I fucking want to jump up and down

When my fucking team wins

And if I want to hug my fucking players

When they fucking do good

I'm going to do it

I don't give a shit what the fucking nose says

And I'll tell you that

Copsuckers get away with that

Fucking shit

That motherfucking

I don't fuck a fucking shit

DJ

What do you spell

In that motherfucking paper you work for

Paper, T.J.?

Tell me, what was your opinion of...

Get the fuck out of here, Joe.

No, I'm serious.

I'm serious, too.

Get the fuck out of here.

I don't want to fucking talk to you.

So, Sal and Richard took that Tommy Lasorda clip and called T.J.'s tires.

You got to remember that.

T.J.'s tires.

It's fine.

Is T.J. around?

No, sir.

He isn't.

My grandfather bought some tires from your company.

Bobby Lasorda.

That's right.

right the son of a bitch has popped on if you think i'm lying here i want to put my wife on

the phone did you lie to me hello hello uh to whom am i speaking with please dolores lasorda

okay we signed a paper guaranteeing your tires do you remember the paper uh no sir i did not

did you just call me sir i did i'm sorry let me pick grandpa on because he just wants he needs

to understand what kind of warranty he signed i do not know anything about a warranty here you go

grandpa talk to the man hello mother sir you are talking to the wrong man i've spoken with

three individuals you need to give me a number and we'll let the man who get out of here joe

you know who you're talking to and what i fucking paper fuck dj no deal with the paper sir put that

in your fucking paper dj you take it up with dj who the fuck is that cocksucker anyway he owns

this fucking place i told you i have nothing to do with it i don't give a shit i don't give a

of shit either. Get the fuck out of here. I don't want to fucking talk to you. I don't want to talk

to you either. You fucking piece of shit. Punks suckers. That don't deserve this shit. Fuck them.

I tell you what. Punks suckers. You ever come down here, I'll beat your ass out, my son of a bitch.

Right. That motherfucker. The classic, instant classic.

Calls (27, 1 h 12 min of 4 h 16 min)

Transcript

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