2006-03-09 Show

All right, man, we're almost ready.

It's helping both of us, yeah.

Hi, guys.

You hear nothing.

Who is it?

Who's listening?

Milkman.

Hey.

Sorry.

Sound test here.

I made this.

What'd you do?

It'd be like, watch, I'll test it out.

All right, we'll be right back after this.

It's 10.08 p.m.

You're listening to The Madhouse.

We'll be right back after this.

Are you trying to hit spots?

You suck.

It's Mayor Nagin from New Orleans.

Listen.

What does he say?

Huh?

Who put, what, you put Ray Nagin in there?

Yeah, listen, listen, listen.

I like that.

That's so awesome.

They're not here.

I don't know where they at.

Where they at?

Milkman.

Call me now, Milkman says.

Call me now.

You are on Gizmer.

Let me finish up here.

Yeah, this is the new one, and this is the old one.

So, actually, we have 72 people going to be listening when we start.

Oops, wrong one.

And yours is better?

Yeah, no, no, no, no, no.

See, this guy is going to be playing my show, and all the people on his server are going

to be listening.

Yeah, he's only got 32 people on his server?

Yeah, well, Mike's someone who has 30 out of a possible 32.

He's almost maxed out.

He's going to have us a stereo.

So he's got people who just listen to it all the time.

Exactly.

So what about your good line that you have?

Where's that at?

PCU right here for the 40 right now, and this is my own one person.

It goes to like six or eight now.

Once I give them my homepage, people check out the homepage.

They see the link to the stereo server.

They click it.

It goes up.

I have to accept that.

My mom's on a computer, so I'll give her that link.

She only listens for like the first half hour probably.

I doubt it, even if we go on a tent, she won't even be able to say out that line.

That's funny.

I don't want her to say that about his network.

You got the little cat, don't you?

Did you bring it with you?

You always do.

No, not this time.

Want some light in here?

What?

If you want light, you can turn on the switch.

Love there.

All the way around the door.

Today is Thursday.

God?

Which one?

He thinks he's you.

Bad.

Oh, bad slot.

When he decides to announce his...

The law sees bad, they'll knock him out.

We're at the Republic!

My friend, this could be the best thing that ever happened.

Those who believe life here began out there across the universe.

Tribes of humans who may have been the forefathers of the Egyptians,

Baltics, or the Mayans.

They may have been the architects of the great pyramids,

the lost civilizations of Lemuria or Atlantis.

Some believe that there may yet be brothers of man

who even now fight to survive somewhere beyond the heaven.

In no order, only chaos.

That being said, grab a blunt, take a big hit, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

This is an exclusive of PCU Radio and MadHouseLive.com.

Flight controllers, listen up.

Give me a go, no, go for launch.

Booster.

Retro.

Go.

Vital.

Go fly.

Guidance.

Guidance go.

Surgeon.

Go flight.

E-comm.

We're go flight.

GNC.

We're go.

Tell me.

Go.

Control.

Go fly.

Procedures.

Go.

Inco.

Go.

FAO.

We are go.

Network.

Go.

Recovery.

Go.

Capcom.

We're go fly.

Launch control, this is Houston, we are go for launch.

Real from real real?

Chris, I can't hear you today.

First of all, um, why don't you shut the hell, why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

The baby is only a little crazy, like painters or composers or some of those men in Washington.

You son of a bitch, you motherfucking, you speak in Spanish.

I know, you speak English, I see.

You motherfucking, you motherfucking.

Go ahead, man.

Motherfucker, you.

You bitch.

Don't never, don't never go against this boy, man.

Mow my lawn, mow my lawn.

You motherfucking.

Why you so angry?

Where's Pasquale?

Fuck you, man.

We're so high right now.

We're not low.

And I'm your boy, Young Miles, the future.

And my man's about to get it crackin' for y'all

Put your motherfuckin' hands in the cap

Kickin' a nasty, dirty, filthy rap

I ain't touchin' you, you can get your ass

Hey everybody, how you doin'? Good evening.

It's, uh, The Madhouse.

Welcome back to a new episode of The Madhouse.

That is, we were, uh, missing last Thursday.

Uh, you had a, you had something with a parole hearing or something, right?

Yes, yes.

No, not a parole hearing, you had something.

Um, actually, yeah, it was psychiatric.

Oh, psychiatric. Were you Baker-acted?

No, I was attempting to Baker Act someone.

Oh, you were attempting?

Yes.

Oh, your roommate.

That's what it was.

I'm trying to get people locked up.

Is Baker Act, is that a Florida thing or is that like a nationwide thing?

I don't know, but I know it's a Florida thing for sure.

I make that threat all the time.

If I tell them when I order my pizza, I say,

you better get your 30 minutes or I'm going to Baker Act you, you son of a bitch.

And they're like, what?

I'm like, I'm going to get you put in a fucking mental facility.

Yeah.

Because if you can't get my pizza here in 30 minutes or less, you're insane and you're a fucking bastard.

Yeah, and I know people.

Tell me you're a judge.

I'm a judge.

I can get it done.

I'm a notary and a judge.

Yep.

Anyway, so yeah, hey everybody.

It's February, no, it's March the 9th.

Yep.

March the 9th.

When's St. Patrick's Day?

The 18th or something?

I don't know.

I'm not Irish and I don't support those people.

What's the March of Heights?

Is that the celebration of when Caesar was killed?

I don't know.

Was it a kill in March of Heights or something?

No.

That's just what Shakespeare wrote about it.

That's the Ides of March, not the March of Ides.

The March of Ides.

The Ides of March is like, I think it's like the latter days of, that's what I mean.

I didn't even know what you were talking about.

The March of Ides.

The March of Ides, that's the Puerto Rican translation.

Anyway, so you listen to the Madhouse, and our homepage is madhouselive.com.

Here with me is Andy.

How you doing, Andy?

I'm great.

Good evening.

Thanks.

Andy, you got a job, huh?

Yeah, but I'm not for sure yet, though.

So are you moving up from washing toilets now?

Yeah, it'll be slightly better than that.

I'm sorry.

You don't do that.

You're a master chef.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, anyway.

I'm a masterful chef.

KDK is a, what's it called, a sous chef?

Is he?

What's a sous chef?

Isn't he a sous?

I think he is a sous chef.

I think that means he, like, um.

He's a sub chef?

No.

Like, he sautés things?

I don't know.

I'm a cook, not a chef, so.

Well, on Iron Chef, they have, like, the sous chef,

and it's a chef that helps out the main chef, something like that.

I don't know.

I guess the sous may be French for assistant.

S-O-U-S, sous.

I don't know.

I thought it meant that they saw things up.

Hang on, watch this.

I type it in the chat room, and I, here we go, watch.

Here's the definition from Wikipedia.

A sous chef is a chef ranking above line cooks and below an executive chef.

Oh, okay, yeah, so it's like a starter chef.

Yeah, they generally cook more than executives.

executives yeah because executives just don't do shit but far less than line cooks yeah because

line cooks do all the work and then i guess a sous chef would be like the guy says and checks

everything oh really make sure everything is going right and then yeah then the main chef i don't

know but they're all terrible people i mean i feel sorry for people who who go to those schools

there's such rip-offs yeah and a lot of people yeah well i've known people who smoke crack on

a daily basis who graduated for those culinary schools yeah because if you go every day and

and you shave, then they'll pass you.

Really?

As long as you show up.

Shaved and every day?

Yeah, you can't have any facial hair.

Okay.

You can keep your eyebrows, I think.

All right, really.

I knew one kid who couldn't spell, and he graduated.

Really?

Yeah, and he works for the Jaguars.

Yeah, that's where he went for his.

Yeah, he's not working for them now,

but that's where he went for his apprenticeship.

With the Jacksonville Jaguars?

Yeah, working for their team.

Yeah, they got a chef.

All the proteins got chaff.

Have chaffs, really?

So, what, they cook, like, a healthy share of protein?

Yeah, well, yeah, they probably make a billion chickens every day.

I love playing with a jaguar.

They got good chicken.

Fried chicken?

Yeah.

I don't think fried, no, they probably just bake it.

Fried chicken and watermelon.

They probably got, like, a rotisserie.

Well, I don't think, well, they probably give you a lot of steaks and shit and potatoes and, I don't know, pasta.

I bet you there's a pasta night because you got to have, like, carbs and stuff.

It's probably real easy

Because those guys don't want fancy shit

But this kid

He couldn't spell

He would just stab himself in the arm

Why did he take out a pocket knife

And just start jabbing himself

Why was he frustrated

No he just had something wrong with him

He was just kind of retarded

And he would just cut himself off

But he graduated

And he got a job with the Jaguars

That's nice

I'd love to have a job with the Jaguars and shit.

Yeah, but if you go and you bother,

because the schools cost like $20,000 for a year,

and then when you graduate, you make like $12 an hour

until you work your way up.

And it takes probably like five years or so, I think.

All right.

It's like if you do that, then you have to cook the rest of your life,

and that's horrible.

And everybody, if you're over the age of 30 and you're not a chef

and you're cooking, you're probably like, you know,

you're a coke head or an alcoholic or something.

is a really sad life is it really yeah really well i mean you're like you don't even i don't

know you're not out with the peoples like they kind of relegate you to like you're so

whatever that you can't even interact you know what i mean that's kind of like that kind of thing

no no they just you know it's it you just party every day those people just party all the time

crazy explain zolar carlito popular host of pc radio holds a strong strong permanent grudge

against Method actor Al Pacino

for overshadowing his name.

I don't have a grudge with him.

I like Al Pacino.

Really?

He's actually my favorite actor.

He's tied for favorite actor.

I don't think he's really that good of an actor.

My two favorite actors are Al Pacino

and it's tied between him and Mr. Denzel Washington.

Mr. Denzel Washington.

Denzel Washington's not that good of an actor either.

He is a good actor.

Yeah, he is.

Al Pacino is the same guy every time.

Who's your favorite actor?

Who do you think is the most talented actor?

I don't know.

You're putting me on the spot.

I'll come back to that.

Maybe Giamatti

I think Paul Giamatti

Is excellent

Paul Giamatti

Yeah

The guy who was

Pig vomit in the

Stern movie

Did you see him

In the Oscar man

He looked all nasty

Yeah well

Good actors are

The really ugly guys

Those are the best actors

Yeah so is Michael Moore

No he's not

He's just a big fat dude

He doesn't shave

Yeah he's disgusting

He's nasty

He just comes out

To the Oscars

You know his seat

I like that he like

He's on TV

And people see him

So they can get used to

Like you know

What I'm gonna look like

In five years

Yeah, but honestly, Michael Moore comes across as a person of the caliber who does not take a shower daily.

Or might smell.

I hear Star Jones smells.

I would imagine they're smelly people.

Well, I hear Star Jones is a very smelly woman.

There was, on the Stern Show once, they said that there's a member of The View who is like all the other women on The View think she stinks.

And you know who it had to be out of all the women on The View.

It's got to be Star Jones, you know what I mean?

You know, it could be Barbara Walters.

You think Barbara Walters stinks?

Old women like that

Are cooler by the smell

No I like that

Especially if she's still getting it

She smells like

Oil of Olay

She's got old jizz in there

Oil of Olay

You know

You like that smell

Jizz in her cooter

Yeah anyway

I like that smell

Oil of Olay

Reminds me of my grandmother

She was a wonderful woman

Um

You don't remember that time

We went to some

Some shop

Some porno

Like that huge

Porno mega house

With that

That porn freak

Ariam

Yeah

That Cuban kid

Yeah I remember

They look white

You know what I mean

Remember there was

There's like an old lady

Like in her 70's

No.

And she had that smell of old lady on her.

Why are you looking at old lady?

No, she was in the porno shop, and then we got, like, she walked by us.

And you could smell the old lady smell, like she's wearing, like, old lady perfume or something.

And Arium told me, never in my life would I think I would smell that smell in a store like this, in a porno store.

It was really disturbing, because it makes you think of, like, you know, like, yeah.

I don't know.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but anyway.

What was I saying?

We're in the Madhouse.

Yeah, this is the Madhouse.

every Thursday night on

Prank Call Underground Radio

over at MadHouseLive.com

and that's our homepage for the show.

MadHouseLive.com

Once again, that's MadHouseLive.com

KDK

PrankCalls.com is the homepage

for PCU Prank Call Underground Radio.

I believe we're also being broadcast

tonight on AimBum.

So right now we have

listeners on

PCU AimBum and then my personal stream.

So we're doing pretty good.

I had to add these three numbers.

How many listeners?

We got 50, 68 listeners right now.

We have 45 on PCU, and we have 18 on AimBum, and we have 5 on my personal server.

What is this called, dude?

Hit City?

I think this guy's...

Man, I forgot the name of his fucking website now.

Not his website, but the name of his shit.

Did I tell you my friend and I run a prank show?

No, I didn't know that.

Anyway.

I'm losing here.

Yeah, normally Milkman's here with us, but he is not available.

He was here, and then he disappeared after a second.

My mouth's really funny.

Probably to do something important.

Yeah.

He just, all of a sudden, he just, let's see.

He says, call me.

Oh, they're about to go on.

I better, uh, moose.

Oh, he's there, dude.

I had the screen too low.

Oh, that's fucked up.

I'm sorry.

That's like locking your cat in.

You should let Milkman gong you.

Do you know that I accidentally locked the cat in the room for two days?

Unlocked.

Cats can't entertain themselves.

I forgot about Milkman there.

We're just talking some bullshit.

We're trying to get Milkman on, who is the, uh, normal co-host.

Did you say he's a co-host?

Yeah.

Did you say he's the program director?

Yeah, he's a program director, but he can't even get on the air most of the time.

We never talk to him, actually.

Hey, Milkman.

Hey, man.

How you doing?

Hey, what's up, man?

Hello, hello.

My house.

Carlito, my friend Andy, all our favorite listeners out there.

Hey, it's good to hear you, Milkman.

How was your week?

If you haven't noticed, I've been cussing my butt off here.

This damn internet connection is freaking up.

Yeah.

It's just perfect timing, really.

Yeah, yeah.

Now, Tupelo, Mississippi.

What did you just say?

I said Tupelo, Mississippi.

I didn't send you a card if you don't have it.

I got one.

Tupelo, Mississippi.

You know, Milkman, we have your card.

We have three hours left on last week's card, right?

Yep.

Yeah.

We might have lost Milkman.

What'd you lose?

You lose another.

Okay, all right, fine.

Milkman, respond.

I digress.

Milkman is, we lost Milkman.

Holy jeez.

Holy cow.

Okay, so I'm sorry, guys.

We've lost Milkman temporarily.

He got hit by a tsunami, so we got a few hours.

I think he may be here.

Hey, there you are.

What happened here?

You went to get the car?

I'm here, man.

You must not have heard me, man.

I think I got caught in the coconut bark storm there.

I think so.

Yeah, I was hollering in the coconuts around the tree, but you weren't answering back.

So I just sent you a card here.

Look for it in the Google.

In the Google, man.

In the Google.

Yeah.

Right.

Okay.

Same number.

That's the same number?

Because we got about six hours of calling on it.

Do we really?

Yeah, so I don't know if that's going to be enough.

Six hours of calling straight tonight.

That may be tough there to get the whole thing done.

So if that happens, then I'll have to run out and go get another card.

It's probably likely here.

I think we'll be fine.

We have three hours left on last week's show,

and then now we have this new one here you got, right?

No, it's the same one.

But when I dial it for the U.S., it's $6.

I dialed it to here.

It's $3.

Oh, okay.

Well, that's cool.

Well, good.

Okay, I see what's going on.

Okay, so we actually have a call.

Right.

See, it charges a point in a minute, I think, to call here,

and it charges a half a cent to call the U.S.

Ah, well, Jesus.

Well, that's good.

Half a cent is a good rate.

I got to get over here.

Speaking of phones and shit.

Yeah, and it's nice as they give you that phone.

Well, Milkman, let's make an executive decision here.

Now, you were going to premiere Madhouse News at the top of the hour, I suppose, right?

When we go to break.

Now, do you want to go ahead and do your new segment now because in the fear that we may lose you later?

Or do you just want to stay on schedule and wait until our break tonight and you can do it then?

What would you prefer to do, Bill?

Well, I can –

I'm excited.

We'll try the first break.

Give me a shot for the first break.

All right.

I just had to ask that.

I'm not up to be prepared like I would normally be

because it's kind of like this is a late-night boardroom decision.

So, yes, I can wing some stuff across there.

I've got enough to at least hold for a few minutes.

People are laughing.

Are you going to do a sports coverage, Bill, man?

Yeah.

What are you thinking about?

No sports coverage tonight.

Really?

It's going to be like a fishing report?

I would actually fall under sports, you see, Andy.

I would actually fall under sports.

I don't worry about news

I do a lot of online

political commentary

talk shows and a lot of

news feeds, Reuters, BBC

etc so basically

it would cover some political

situations and things like that

let's not threaten to kill

anyone who might be able to

possibly harm us

I wouldn't

threaten to kill anybody

don't say anything

don't say anything seditious

because we don't want to get locked up in the death camps

I won't

they do have those cigars

over there in Guantanamo

they got those El Presidente cigars

really? why?

Cohiba

El Presidente

we're so stupid

I know Cohibas are

I think he's making a Clinton joke

are you making a Clinton joke?

no no no

I'm throwing in a multi-level comment

with different things

to different people

four different people laughing

each one for a different reason

that's the kind of stuff I like to throw in

I like that

I bet you five different people

laughed about it in a different way

but let me say that what I thought

was a joke like that kills in the Caribbean

like Milkman being there

that makes sense over there

I walked into the gallery and he goes,

here they got those El Presidentes over there in Guantanamo.

And then he leaves.

He's got a machete when the uprising comes.

Ya man.

He has a computer.

He knows how to get off the island.

You know what?

I heard.

Here's actually something.

The number one joke in the Virgin Islands right now, Andy, I'll do it with you.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Fido Castro.

You get it?

Yeah, because they like him, right?

I don't know.

It's funny that he would come to their door.

Exactly.

That's it.

I don't know what the fuck that was all about.

But if you want to reach us toll free, the number is now, we're now live.

Like I said, you can reach us toll free anywhere.

anywhere, it's 1-888-278-8509, again, you can reach us here, 1-888-278-8509, if you're

using AOL Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio, again, Madhouse Radio on AOL Instant Messenger,

Yahoo users, Madhouse PCU Radio, and Hotmail users, or rather, MSN Messenger users, that

That is madhousepcradio at hotmail.com.

How about that, huh?

Wow, man.

We are connected all across the board.

Man, you can dial in and have your shot in the madhouse.

Right.

And if you wanted to reach us over on email,

if you don't have access to a messaging software right now,

you can email us at madhouseradio at gmail.com.

That's madhouseradio at gmail.com.

You can send us a shout-out, tell us what you think,

or you can give us a suggestion

for a prank call. We're going to be doing prank calls

tonight and we're only like

we're almost like over a half hour into

what the show normally would have done.

Let me think. MadHouseLive.com and

KDKPrankCalls.com

for the live for me, the website

for this guy.

You know, I've asked you that and

if I knew for sure

I would tell you, but I cannot.

I never got the answer because we got kind of

busy there during one of our

board meetings and I don't recall

but you did mention it one time.

I believe it's hit. The name of the

page and it's hit. They have 18 listeners there now.

I believe they're listed on iTunes also.

He has a way that he's listed on iTunes.

He gets a lot of listeners. He had 32

when we were about to

kick over but we had some technical issues

and we lost it. Well, that's a smart

man, you see. He's got us in

on iTunes there and he's got good

programming so I guarantee you he's going to

have some people coming back and

turning back. I'm trying to find the name of his

his website here.

I'll find it here

before the night is through

at least.

I didn't talk to him

for a few days.

Why don't you get the information

and I'll put it on

one of my little stickies here

and that way I'll have it

for you at all times.

I want to say

it's hitsradio.com

or something like that.

Dang it, man.

Well, anyway,

he's asleep too right now,

but anyway,

if he is listening,

either call us or something

or feel free to talk.

We're giving a shout out

to those people.

Again, that's Hit City

and there it is.

I've done my part right there.

Anyway,

how about a prank call?

Yeah, maybe we could get

one of them to call in

And just say hello to them tonight.

Remember to send comments if they enjoy the show.

And we'll offer them.

Yeah, we could.

That's right.

So you know what to do.

Again, the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

And look, here we go.

His website is www.hitcity.aim-planet.com.

I think that's right.

I don't know.

Let me see if that even comes up.

Look at that.

There we are.

Okay.

Yeah.

Thank you so much for taking our programming material.

on his website

real quick

on the left

the girl who won

the first American

Kelly Clarkson

that's 50

yeah

that's what's

his face

his brother

that's Eric

the midget's

girlfriend

and then here's

Johnny Depp

that's not

Johnny Depp

that's Green Bay

Green Bay

okay

that's Wayne

Brady

that's a

bubble guard

for the king

that's Wayne

Brady

that's Wayne

Brady

that ain't

wade brady he does a show he does a show on hit city wayne brady wow why haven't you gotten him

on here yet he just he gets under that i'm wayne brady i'm gonna punch you in your neck

i'm wayne brady bitch i don't know who that is though i don't think it's wayne brady i think

it's wayne brady that's too funny it wasn't patrick hewing on the network the other night

one night what do you mean yeah hello this is patrick ewing to which your cause go to

all right we uh when sean warren was here we had i had um sean warren does a good black voice a

black woman and a black man and i told him to say he was patrick ewing and talked so hard so

long at first he really i think he really thought it was him it was really funny it's like yo dude

patrick ewing what's up dog like that it sounded really funny anyway so i posted the uh the link

link to that uh that station right there um who is that black that's right no

that's no i think a dude that's austin moore that's austin moore right there no

black he's got green day up in there okay anyway i don't know that he's got to be a rapper

or something maybe it maybe it's 15 cents i don't know 15 cents there you go

oh okay all right so let's do some calls then uh angelina's soul food oh yeah i got

got an idea here my idea and what was this i watched that show black white yeah yeah so we're

gonna we got an idea watching that we're gonna try to call a black soul food restaurant and see

if they get shitty tips from the black customers because you know there's a stigma right that black

people don't tip well andy you were in the serving industry no i never actually served but i did i

did deliver pieces of black people and they wouldn't tip they wouldn't tip at all no really

you get the change usually oh that's cool but there's one lady who ordered her lunch from us

every day

and I would only have to

take it like every once

in a while

but mostly though

the drivers would take it

I would only take it

for every little bit

but anyway

she would ask for a change

every time

there's a black lady

yup

and she wouldn't give you

a tip at all

and you'd enjoy

their pizza

see that's wrong

yeah

she wouldn't tip

she wouldn't tip anyone

I'd tip five dollars

cause she'd be like

you get that one dollar

delivery charge

oh that's not for you

though

yeah it is

oh you do get that

so automatically

when you roll out

you're getting that dollar

yeah pretty much

every place does that

alright well that's cool

tries to recoup

for your gas possibly

Almost.

Almost does.

Well, that's good.

It doesn't recoup for the wear and tear on your car, though.

No.

Like, we have a headlight that's out now.

Fuck.

Anyway, well, the chat room, yeah, I keep forgetting that,

but we have a bunch of people in the chat room right now.

If you go to kdkprankcalls.com, the homepage for PCU Prank Call Underground Radio,

you can join the chat room by clicking on the chat icon on the top of the page.

You can also visit the forums and get a little taste of what the more regular crowd at PCU does.

here on a daily basis there's always someone in the chat room even when there's no shows in there

there's plenty to do and a big shout out to madman of course for running that chat server for us and

that's over at irc.lazy-net.de if you're using an irc client such as merc or something like that

you want to join us in channel uh pound pcu a is that right there you go mate or just go to

madhouse live.com and then click on the listen join link and you'll see those instructors right

there so yeah join us in the chat room and if not send me uh send me a prank request if you want we

uh we're really big on that and we're really big on people calling in so we can talk uh the toll

free number is 888-278-8509 and that's going out who's not even on now anymore so fuck him

send a new you know just a tip for all you new listeners out there and some of the people already

spin around know that we like uh we ask that if you do to please try to test the number to see

if somebody won't answer.

Exactly.

And that way,

we'll know if somebody's

going to answer

and that way we can make the call

and have a good laugh.

Right.

Or if not,

you're just going to hear

a bunch of ringing

and everybody's going to fall asleep.

So it's a nice thing for us to do.

Nobody likes that.

Yeah, so it's a nice thing to do

to test the number.

You don't have to blow it.

You say, hey, you know,

just say if you're calling Johnny,

hey, is Hank there?

No, you got the wrong number.

Okay, thank you.

Sorry.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, move on.

Yeah, because if not...

Pass the number along

and we will take it over.

Yeah, don't call and give them shit, and then they give us shit back.

They're already on guard.

Anyway.

Exactly.

You just want to just check the answer.

Oh, wait.

Nunu.

He's got, there's a conference tonight, dude.

Oh, yeah.

There's a conservative conference.

Give me that, what's that?

Let's call them, and let's make a debate then.

Republican conference, dude.

It's a big Republican national conference.

Oh, yeah.

Nunu's telling me right now.

Bible Belt, we are Republicans.

Yo, that's, you know what's crazy?

Nunu said it right to me.

He said, fuck the Republicans.

Nunu, he's on the ball.

Yeah, man.

Okay.

Yeah, also.

Who's the stupid guy from South Carolina?

Lindsey?

Lindsey Buckingham?

No, Lindsey Graham.

Yeah, that bitch here, they're going to get rid of him.

He doesn't shine his foot off.

But, you know, he's going to be up in there sucking up real hard trying to get a vote back.

A lot of these suck-faces are going to be up in there.

Do you think that, who do you think is going to run for president, dude?

Who?

It's going to be Condoleezza Rice

Versus Hillary Clinton

I don't know about that

That's what it's going to be

No one would ever elect

Connie Rice

And number one for two reasons

Number one she's a woman

And nothing against women

But you have something against black and women

The way political

The way the political parties are structured

You can pretty well get

You're not going to have to worry about that

Now you know who I think is trying to

Who's that clown, the ass clown that's the P.W. from Arizona?

John McCain.

Yeah, John Candy King.

John McCain.

He has been sucking face left and right.

He is never going to win the Republican seat.

He's going to be wishy-washy.

He's just begging for it.

And the other person that's trying for it is Bill Price, the doctor guy,

The guy, you know, the party leader of the Senate, Bill Price.

It's going to be one of those two.

You watch and see if that's not who it is.

He's a tall guy.

He would never get elected.

He's only in there just to fill his pocketbook up.

Yeah.

While the time he's got.

I don't know.

I'll eat my hat.

I will eat my hat live on the air before John McCain wins the party nomination for president.

Any year.

All right.

Alright, I will eat a hat while I'm in here.

No, man, I voted for Kucinich.

What the fuck?

Kucinich, I did.

The fuck is Kucinich?

He's cool, man.

He's like, you're a great guy.

That's your phone.

As long as it doesn't have Republican in front of it, I'd consider voting for him.

Good evening, you're on the air.

Oh, you know that noise goes doo-doo-doo, like you're about to get the recording next day.

Try to phone.

The number you have called for blah-blah-blah.

What the hell's wrong with you?

I said blah, blah, blah.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, you gave away the four.

That's enough, man.

Who gave you those fucking ten other numbers?

No, still, man, don't get people started.

People like Nunu out there, you'll find my number in a second.

Stop it, dude.

You're the one that doesn't even block your number, dude.

There's hardly any Carloses in Central Florida.

And speaking of Nunu, he gives some good fucking conference numbers.

Yeah, I got it right here in front of me.

We got fucking

Lamar

Lamar Alexander's there

You think

They would never put me

Through to Lamar Alexander

Isn't he the guy

From Revenge of the Nerds

No

Lamar Alexander's an asshole

The black guy

Lamar

The guy

The gay black guy

Who hung out

With the little boy

His name was Lamar

He was the guy

Who forced out

Of the whole

Michael Jackson scandal

His name was Lamar

Do tell us

Carlito

Who is this man

Lamar Alexander

Yeah

I know Sam Brownback here has beef with Stern, right?

Isn't he one of the people that was leading the whole indecency thing?

Yeah, we hear you, man.

Look, man, we hear you.

What's up?

What man knows about these people?

How about Andy Graham?

There's a guy called Andy Graham.

Trent Lott.

John McCain is there.

Let's try it.

We'll never get him.

Call and ask for that guy that they're all in trouble because they know him.

What's his name, old man?

Tom DeLay?

No.

Yeah.

But, man, who is the lobbyist guy?

Yo, fucking Mel Martinez, yo.

Look, that's my senator.

He is.

We should go with his yoke.

What does the conference pertain to?

I'm sorry for my ignorance.

It's just that I'm a burnout.

Um, damn, it's probably raising money.

The Southern Republican Leadership Conference.

And lynching.

Where's it at?

Kentucky?

The Peabody Hotel in Memphis, Tennessee.

It's a nigger-hanging conference?

Yeah.

No, Memphis is a blackdown, man.

There's a lot of black people.

They got good barbecue in Memphis.

Yeah, they do?

They got pulled pork sandwiches there.

No, Memphis Bleak.

I believe he's from Memphis.

Yeah.

3-6 Mafia Oscar winners from Memphis.

Elvis.

Is it gay that I know who the Oscar winners are?

I don't know.

Zola, are you with me?

I did see, what was that guy who was all disheveled looking that you said?

Ronald Reagan?

Look, they even have a...

You got to put that up in there.

Oh, hell yeah.

Hang on.

I had to get the webpage out to everybody here so they can see who it is that we're

talking about.

It's a very endearing picture.

Exactly.

srlc.org.

What was the guy's name? The actor that you were saying showed up and he looked so terrible?

I guess he was Sig Virus, right? Paul Giamatti.

Paul Giamatti. Yeah. Paul Giamatti.

Dude, he did look horrible.

Yeah, he did. You saw his beard and stuff? It was all nasty.

Yeah, he looked weird.

That guy's... I'm hoping that's for a movie or something. He's looked like that.

He's playing a cancerous ape.

Yeah, and ironically, that's the only Piazza in particular.

When you saw him, I went...

I saw him a few times. They kept showing him because he looked so fucked up.

up. They kept showing him, they kept showing

Cuba Gooding Jr. They kept showing Will

Smith. It was like a half

hour before the Oscars were about to start. He was

walking and he got interviewed on the red carpet

and I caught that and I was like, oh, that's the

guy that was in the Stern movie. And I looked

at him and I was like, what a fucking loser.

Look at his feet. And then I turned off the Oscars

and I don't know what I did. I think I masturbated.

To the Oscars? There you go.

I think he ate someone's brain.

So you want to try to see who we can mess

with at the Southern Republican

Leadership Conference? I mean, how are we going to get

Yeah, I might have to speak to Senator Brownback.

We've got to find someone.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

What's his first name?

The dude?

Matt Blunt.

We've got to call Governor Matt Blunt.

Dude, go over the list of the candidates, man.

Let's pick something out.

Look, Governor Jeb Bush is right there, matter of fact.

I don't think you should fuck with him.

He's a good friend.

What about George Pataki?

Zola, do you know George Pataki?

Personally, I don't know Jeb Bush.

Move on.

Call Governor Matt Blunt.

Blunt where?

Nah, he's too popular, and he'll be on the NSA.

to say, let's pass by Jed Bush.

Let's pick him on these other lower turds on the tree.

Okay, alright.

Who the fuck, Newt Gingrich?

No one takes Newt Gingrich seriously, do they?

Newt Gingrich, yeah, he's that

watchdog Republican.

I want to ask him a few serious questions.

Dude, the Honorable Newt Gingrich.

Newt Gingrich was the one that did the promise

to America thing, man. He's that bastard.

I want my ass for that. Okay, so

we need a game plan. How can we

come up without being illegal,

without getting us, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger

is there, too. Wow.

He's working the door.

I think it's his wife, Maria Shriver.

Maria. I don't know. Okay, hang on.

I'm posting a link to the guest there.

We're not, I doubt we're going to be able to get in touch

with anybody.

Tell them you're calling with the PAC committee,

political action committee, and

you're trying, you got some special

donations, and

you have Senator

from the New York Senate,

Zohar. I'm going to call,

I will have to try to call George

at Jeb Bush and Sam from, like, the, I don't know,

like, the Turner

Development Corporation, and see

if I, do you think I can get a hold of him that way?

You know, I mean, something like that where it's money-related.

You're not going to get them.

It's like, you know, it's a pet pot.

You're right. Yeah, he's asleep.

Who be up? If I can

You're going to get some local people, maybe.

Just call and talk to whoever picks up the phone,

you know. You're not going to get anyone.

We're not going to get anybody.

Just call and talk to whoever picks up the phone.

Ooh, Sonny Perdue. I wonder if he owns

I'll say, I'll say so.

Just call one and see what happens.

Call the line and talk to whoever you want.

All the time.

Okay, fuck it.

Let's do it.

All right.

All right, you ready, Zola?

You in on this or what?

Wait, wait, I'm saying that.

I'm hip to hotel right away through the fact that we're talking.

Let's see if we can go just to the studio room.

Use it for me.

Hang on.

All right.

Tell me someone I've never heard of.

I'm not a governor.

Who's Senator John Thune?

Who the hell is that?

I've never heard of him.

a U.S. Senator John Warner

of Virginia. You think he's got any pull?

That guy's a bastard. Don't call

him, man. He's one of the

heads of the Armed Services Committee.

Fuck that. Oh, I'm afraid.

Yo, this is Private Garcia. Yo, fuck you.

Yeah, don't call Warner. Don't call Warner.

I'm in Iraq right now.

You're going to play the radio on my ear.

I'll call Kate Bailey Hutchinson.

What's her problem? She got a problem?

I don't know. Kate, that's a woman.

She's probably at the lowest there.

Kay Bailey Hutchinson. That's my, that's what I'm gonna try. See if, I'm gonna say him from Madhouse Radio.

She'd be a good one to call.

Anyway, okay.

She'd probably want to answer.

Okay, whatever, we're gonna try. Zolar, you stand in line, okay? There, buddy, old pal.

Okay.

Alright, hang on, we'll be right back, everybody.

I don't have a number for the fucking hotel.

Enter your destination number.

Shit.

I got it.

That means they're confirmed.

Dude.

No.

If you'd like to make a call, hang up and try again.

Item two of fundraising.

Are you to talk far?

Oh, she just fucking tried.

Six minutes, twenty-nine seconds.

Put your shit together, man.

Hey, man.

Being asked, man.

I'm going to lose my hearing.

Yes, sir.

Hey, guys.

It's the South Sky Hotel.

I'm your director, Kyle.

Uh, yes.

I need to speak with either Senator Hutchinson or someone in your entourage or press secretary

or something like that.

We're calling for...

The last name again?

Uh, Hutchinson, ma'am.

Hutchinson.

Thank you.

Do you have a guest in the hotel?

Uh, should be.

I'm not sure on the guest under that name, sir.

Uh, yes, then.

Can we please speak with...

...N-C-C-A-I-N.

Thank you.

I have a guest.

It's John McCain.

kind. You do not? No, sir.

I see, and there is, I guess

you wouldn't know if there's a reservation. How about

Marsha Blackbum?

That's B-L-A-C-K-B-U-M

Marsha, M-A-R-S-H-A,

please. I can't finally guess under that name

either. Is there any other? I appreciate

your patience, ma'am. Thank you for your time.

Please enter your destination number

now. That doesn't work.

Maybe none of them are staying at the actual hotel.

You should call back and say

New King Rich ate the ducks.

Look down the front.

What'd you do to anyone?

Say what?

That a nigger's eating the ducks?

No, a new king or...

A nigger's eating the ducks.

Say whatever you want.

Oh, a nigger's outside, yo.

All right, fine.

I'll try that again.

Shut up, I'm running.

They're eating the ducks.

Hang on, let me try.

Balance will allow you to talk for 4 hours, 27 minutes, 29 seconds.

This is the Peabody of the South Side Hotel.

How may I direct your call?

Hello, this is Newt Gingrich.

I just see one of your ducks outside.

Sorry?

I just ate one of your precious, white, salivating ducks outside.

Okay, so, what the hell?

Put that on hold.

Be about to secure it, ma'am.

Hey, how you doing?

Oh, pretty good. How you doing?

I ate one of those ducks outside.

You did what?

I ate one of those big, beautiful ducks you have outside.

Yeah, who's speaking, sir?

I ate one of those ducks. Is that what you have for me?

Yeah, but who's speaking?

My name?

Yes.

I'm Newt Gingrich.

Okay, sir. You called to tell us that.

Yeah, I ate one of your ducks outside. Those big ducks.

Okay. How much do I owe you? This is the best thing I've eaten in weeks.

I'm on the shit like a rock now.

Oh God, here it comes.

What the fuck was that all about?

She put you right through to the period. That was good.

She's like, I ain't fucking with this nigga right here.

That was funny.

What's going on? The cat's going crazy over the laser light?

Ricky just looks at it.

She's not that bright. See?

Can we do Zolar?

Zolar. Would you like to call somebody now?

Yes, I would.

Do you want to call the 99 cents and go discount store in California? Yes. Yes. I got something for that. Okay

I can I can do something with that. Okay, and then we'll do that right now. Hang on everybody

Yeah, I wish I could speak facts, I mean maybe I didn't dial the number right I don't know

I'm not gonna try it again though. Yeah, well, I had cool idea for that

Hey, I got a bunch of soul food restaurants here that Lonesome Loser sent in.

All right, I'm with it.

I got that, too.

I got things for that, too.

He's got something for everything.

He does.

He's Zolar.

Anyway, do you want any of that?

I got a good one here.

I'm getting ready to send you one.

All right, Milkman's sending me one, and also a good deal.

You've got a choice of Hollywood, Los Angeles, San Diego, Sacramento.

Do that one there, man.

He'll do a perfect job.

Okay, I'll take L.A.

L.A. it is.

500, Dick.

We're going to be calling the Granny's House of Soul Food.

A black woman in her 30s or 40s answered at 10.21 p.m.

So here that comes.

Hang on, everybody.

Zolar's going to prank call a black soul food restaurant.

We'll be right back after this.

Okay.

Hey, Milkman.

You ready?

He's on crankshaft.

Yeah, how you doing, baby?

Listen, I'm getting out to the joint tomorrow, and you're my favorite place to eat.

And I ain't got no money right away, so I just wanted to come down there and get myself my first meal out on the street.

Are you serious?

Yeah, baby, you know, I've been away for six months, and I've been dying for some of that.

One second, hold on.

Yeah, baby.

It's Chris.

The owner, how can I help you?

Yeah, how you doing, Chris?

Pretty good.

I'll see you guys later.

How's it going, buddy?

I'm all right.

Listen, I'll be coming out the joint tomorrow, and I've been dying to get me a meal from your place.

I've been in for six months.

Pardon me?

I said I'll be coming out the joint tomorrow from doing six months, and the whole time I've been in, I've been thinking about you.

Yeah, I'm open every day.

But the thing is, my man, I ain't got no money when I found broke ass.

You know what I'm saying, brother?

Man, I mean, come by, introduce yourself to me and my staff, and maybe we can work something out.

I don't do business like that.

My man, check it.

I've been in the joint this month thinking about having a meal up at your joint.

Yeah, well, this is a business, first of all.

It's not a joint.

It's a business.

My man, I come in there and slap you stupid and take your fucking register.

No, I don't think so.

I know it, brother.

I'll come in there and slap you in my loo-

What?

Awww

Hang on, I'm gonna call him back, hang on

He's over there, motherfucker

Hang on, we're gonna call him back

I'm gonna call the operator for a collect call

He's gonna say no, I'm gonna put you through

That's funny

Hang on, hang on

Call from an inmate

In the correctional facility

Yeah, there you go

Yeah, right, you're the guy from the correctional facility

I've made that call before

Hang on

Uh, yeah, but you don't know what it sounds like

Did it not go through?

You've never heard, you've never received a call

No.

No, yeah, I have.

Who do you love?

Some guy was like, yeah, I need my kid to get picked up.

I only get one call.

Bullshit.

It's some kind of scam.

I just wanted to go fuck himself, nigger.

That's what I said.

No, I'm sorry.

Excuse me.

I was milkman.

Fuck you, nigger.

Bicentennial nigger.

Hang on, um, okay, I'm gonna try him again.

Alright, are you ready?

Hey, listen, you're gonna be the correction officer saying that you get a threatening phone call because now you're gonna get an extra 30 days.

Nah, I don't wanna, I want you to continue what you did, but, um...

The added joke is, he's making a very expensive call, and he's going to think he's accepting a call.

That's just a little bit of a joke.

Exactly, and then you're wrong with it.

You just tell him that.

You're the same guys before.

Zola, you're telling me you don't care if you have to go to jail for another ten years that you'll do it.

Oh, I know where to go with it.

All right, there you go. Hang on, dude.

Hi, this is the AT&T operator.

You have a collect call from a correctional facility.

Do you accept the charges?

No.

Yeah, you better accept the charges, bitch, because I'm coming down there.

I'll put you right through, hang on.

Go ahead, sir.

I think they've been hung up on me, motherfucking bitch, you ain't there.

Please enter your destination number.

Hang on, Zolar, let me ask you a question here.

Yeah.

Do you think you can, here's what we're going to do, we're going to call a soul food place.

Okay, I'm going to be on death row, and, well, actually, if, okay, I'm going to be on death row, and...

You're going to be the lawyer.

You're going to be the lawyer, all right?

Okay.

And you're going to say that it's my last meal tomorrow and that you want, as part of the contract, that I get to have them catering food to the Jell-O.

I got the idea. I got it.

Okay, what's the name of that Jell-O in Los Angeles where they do the executions? Is it Pelican Bay or is it Chino?

What is it, man?

It's not Chino. It's got a name. I think it's Pelican Bay, right?

Chino is the name of it. Where's Chino at, man? Chino Prison.

Where do they do the executions in California? They don't do executions in California, do they?

So that no one would I want to work out do they do I have the execution in California?

Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah

What's that I said didn't Arnold Schwarzenegger just fucking vote that in now it's lethal injection down there

I don't know probably is I guess they do get the needle down there. Okay. Anyway, we'll try young

We'll try Angelina's soul food in North Hollywood. Okay, okay

that we do get some odd requests sometimes they ask for mcdonald's sometimes they ask for

something obscure where it's going to be hard for us to obtain this food all right i actually have

uh mr williams on the phone with me if you'd like to pitch to your uh restaurant of choice

please feel free at this point oh yeah this angelina's yeah only angelina's now call miss

picture oh okay that well i i knew uh i used to live up there but i know hollywood and i used to

going to Angelina's all the time, and I done made some mistakes in my life, and I'm going

to get the needle tomorrow here in San Francisco, but they said I could give you a call, and

by law, my lawyer contacted you and everything, and I'm here to make my order.

Okay.

Well, we'll do it.

Okay.

Now.

We will do it.

All right.

What is your menu like tomorrow?

What is your soup of the day?

I don't have a soup in the restaurant, but you can order whatever you like.

Angelina used to have some soup.

That's my brother's place.

Where's your brother at?

My brother's in Alhambra.

Okay.

Well, here's what's going to happen now.

Okay.

Maybe you can maybe slip some weed and some of that food or something.

You know, maybe I can eat.

You know, maybe get high.

I'm sorry, Mr. Williams.

I'm still monitoring the conversation.

Oh, no.

My bad.

Just one more time, you know.

We need one more time.

All right.

But, in fact, if you keep up that type of conversation, I'll have to terminate the phone call.

Please continue without that type of, you know, innuendos.

I'm sorry.

Sir, you understand I'm at the end of my rope, but I found Jesus, you know, sir?

I'm listening.

Okay, now what is your name, sir?

My name is Moss, M-O-S-S.

All right, Moss.

Now, I'll gladly pay you back next week.

I lost that one.

I could have gone with that.

That's funny.

Please enter your destination number now.

Oh, God.

All right.

That was funny.

But I'm a good lawyer.

I should have tried him again.

Nah, maybe not.

I don't know about that guy.

That was kind of funny, though.

Did I make a good lawyer, though?

Yeah, yeah, I mean, you came across well.

You came across as a good public attorney, I think, kind of, you know,

not super sophisticated, but you get the job done.

You're like a janitor.

You're not like a janitor.

Like, you would probably wear, as a lawyer,

I would imagine that as a lawyer who wears a short-sleeved shirt.

That's how it would matter.

And a bow tie?

Mm-mm.

No bow tie.

No, no tie at all.

There's no button on the top.

No, loose, loose.

Like a pool.

With a chain, with that Italian-looking horn.

What is that, Zola?

Do you know what that is, that horn, little fucking turd-looking thing?

Yes, I do.

Is it a turd?

No, it's not.

That is actually the Italian horn, which represents luck.

And the fingers that have the middle and ring finger,

and, you know, when it's closed fist, and the pinky and the pointer stick out,

and the other three fingers kind of, like, come together.

You ever see that one?

No.

That one's like, they're like horns.

That's called horns when you put your two fingers out.

You know, like when you're doing the rock star move, when you put your fist up in the air?

Yeah, the devil's hand.

That's an Italian thing for, like, a curse.

That means I'm putting you, and the other horn, which is the one that looks like a turd, is actually a good luck symbol.

Okay, all right.

I thought it was just a turd.

Close enough.

Close enough, close enough.

Well, hey, Zola, what's going on in the Marvel TV show?

Do you have anything exciting planned for the kids?

Actually, I have a jam-packed show of excitement.

I am going to keep the phone calls down to a minimum

and not let everybody fucking bombard the show with fucking six people at a time.

And some people who have been pranked are going to be listening in,

and they're going to be new to the show, and they're from Indiana,

and they have a pretty weird sense of humor,

and I'm going to be letting them call in for their first time.

I'm going to be giving away a game tomorrow.

There's going to be fan appreciation notification tomorrow.

It's a regular boring nonsense.

You know what I was thinking about doing?

Getting some pencils engraved that say Madhouse and mailing them to people.

If they want a prize.

A Madhouse pencil.

That's about all I can afford.

Oh, that's pretty cool.

Or a pen.

I don't know.

Pens are more...

I mean, pens, yeah, you're getting all fancy.

I gotta get those pens engraved.

That's more expensive.

A pencil, how many...

You think I can get some pencils that say MadhouseLive.com on it or something?

As mailmats.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Everybody gets a pencil.

There's nothing wrong with it.

Yeah, dude, Zolar, I got into some shit with those Cafe Press people.

Well, you know that shop that KDK set up where he put your logo on shit and stuff?

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Well, I had one of those myself since I started this show, and I never made anything for it.

And Tuck, I don't know if you know.

You know Tuck.

He's made some intros for you and stuff.

Yeah.

Well, he made this really cool-looking shirt that had a picture of Che Guevara on it.

And they turned it down because they contacted the state of the guy who took the picture,

and they said no or something like that, I think, because it was a copyright or something like that.

They pulled it and stuff.

So I was, yeah, I never even got a chance to order one of the shirts.

It would have been cool.

Imagine that.

Shit.

It's bullshit.

Send me the fucking, and I'll have it made up.

My fucking friends make shirts up.

I think they are printing out thousands and fucking thousands of these shirts

that were that big fucking cause of whatever the Islamic people getting crazy

with the Buddha fucking drawing and whatnot.

Oh, they did that?

Okay.

They made it.

They actually have, you know, like, somebody did it internally, and then they went and redrew it, and they're printing it out on shirts.

Right, okay.

All right, well.

That's how fucked up these guys are.

Yeah, yeah.

I would recommend, I just posted the site, the link to the shop.

Do not buy anything in there.

Do not buy that sticker because it's not right.

The only thing you could purchase is the black T-shirt.

That's available now.

That's all I've made.

Do not buy that sticker because it's actually not right.

I have to take that off.

So, don't go buying the $2.49 sticker because it's not right at all.

That's not even what it's supposed to be.

That was a test.

I should not have posted that.

But, hey, if you want to buy the shirt, go ahead.

I do not make any money off of it at all.

They sold for exactly how much it cost to make it to me.

So, I make no money off of it.

What's the price of that?

Spread the word.

$99.

I don't need to make a dollar.

That's fine.

I'm selling it at a cost.

But I originally called to find out.

What did you say?

You're broadcasting something other than two different things?

Yeah, there's like another, what is it, another station, it's Hit City I think is the name of it, another station, the guy, he gets like about 30 listeners or so sometimes up in there, so he's playing my show tonight.

He started last week and then, I don't know, he's listed on iTunes or something like that, he gets big numbers, not big numbers.

Those people need to go to kdkplanetcore.com tomorrow to hear my show, right?

Exactly, that's why I'm telling you, now's your chance to spread the word out there to those 30 people who may be listening right now.

Right, I want those 30 people, man,

because I'm going to do a fucking really cool show,

and, I mean, you know, it's going to be almost as good as your show.

Yeah, it's only 10.

It's only 10.

Actually, only 10 people are listening now, but those are more tomorrow.

Yeah, I want those 10 people.

There you go.

So, yeah, your site is xyzolar.com, and your show's on tomorrow at 10 p.m.

Oh, yeah, definitely go check out zolar.com also.

You know, it's the same site.

Anything you write, Zolar-related, will go right to my website.

Yeah, 10 p.m. Eastern.

As a matter of fact

If people would visit there frequently

And update my guest book

Because I have a bunch of Opie and Anthony fuckheads

Who keep writing all kinds of

Advertisements for Opie and Anthony

In my guest book and they're just spamming it

And spamming it

What a bunch of assholes those guys man

I hate Opie and Anthony

It's like 3 or 4 or 5 guys

Yeah anyway well

That is what it is man

Alright well I'll be sure to listen tomorrow

I don't have any plans I'll be here listening to your show tomorrow night

So good luck with that

Okay, before you go, how's your girlfriend doing?

Where is she located?

She's in D.C. now on her internship,

and she's going to Amsterdam next week, I think, or something like that.

I don't know.

I'm not too concerned.

I know, but where was she before that, then?

Before that?

She was here.

She visited me for a week.

Okay, so she didn't go anywhere good with this green piece, right?

Yeah, green piece has her.

Yeah, she's involved.

See, that's fucking admirable.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, it's crazy, that's for sure.

I'll tell you what.

Yeah, I mean, she'll get a lot of fucking, you know, worldly experience that, you know,

she wouldn't be able to get fucking sitting around in the apartment.

Right.

You know what I'm saying?

It's going to be fucking well worth it in life to have that background,

but enough of that boring conversation.

I was just fucking, you know, interested in finding out because I never knew anybody who did that.

Well, yeah, it is interesting.

She has a lot of cool stories and stuff,

and perhaps I will have her share that when she's done with it in Mac.

We shall see about that.

That would be excellent.

You should tell her to write down, like, some, like, you know, what do you call it?

Like a journal, and you could read, like, some stuff she could send to you.

Yeah, right on.

You know what I'm saying?

Because, like, who in the world gets to do that?

I know selfish people.

That's all I know is selfish people.

And she's very selfless.

Yeah, she is.

And she's a tough cookie, that's for sure.

She's very independent.

Well, you tell her I said so.

Zolar admires that in a person.

It has nothing to do with the fact that she's female.

You have no worries of me trying to fucking hit on her.

All right, well, that's good.

Well, I appreciate that.

Hey, we might be up.

I'm going to be up there in May, probably.

I'm going to be in the area.

I'll be up north.

I might be able to swing out there Friday night or something like that.

Oh, that would be awesome, dude.

If you could make a special trip to do the Zolar Vision Friday night thing,

I would be fucking, you know, honored.

I don't know if it'll happen, but we'll see.

When it gets a little closer, we'll see.

Yeah, because I'll get you so stoned you won't find your way back.

Probably not.

That's right.

Take care, everybody.

All right, man.

Peace out, Zolar.

Take care now.

All right, Milkman.

Hey, peace out, bro.

Bye.

No one says bye to me

No no I'm saying

Bye Zolar

Later Zolar

Carlos has that mic down

I was saying

He should have said bye to you

Because he was saying bye to me and Milkman

But I didn't really talk to him

Because the mic was down

What are you reading

Age of Empires book

That's awesome

So there it is

Yeah, apparently people are saying that my audio is bad.

I think I fixed it.

I'm trying to see.

I think it's sounding a little better yet.

Maybe not.

There we go.

I don't know.

Perhaps a little more on that.

There we go.

Ah, okay.

I'm trying to fix it.

Sorry, guys.

Okay.

Let's see.

We've got a bunch of numbers here that we haven't even hit yet, dude.

Don't we got to do Milkman?

Milkman ready?

Are you ready, Milkman?

What, what?

Milkman's news?

His news?

Yeah, he's going to do that in the, when we take our break.

calls we'll take a break all right look man i'll do this yeah what's up are you looking at my

message here in google uh doing okay yeah okay we're doing that right now so we're gonna call

who is it now this is a pedophile a pedophile in in philadelphia named no here let me lay it out

for you okay here's what it is i'll give you the scoop okay what we're what we have here is a couple

of apartment buildings okay tenants of a pedophile okay a big pedo in philadelphia what we're going

going to do is a good samaritan call okay and we're going to call the tenants and warn them

that their landlord is a big known pedophile i'm getting his name gotta die and um remind him that

he is a a pedophile of his own children right is this supposed to be a joke call and he's also a

part-time counselor out at he's now a full-time counselor out at camp erlander oh yeah camp

erlander i might see my kids there not so yeah not zor zor just brings me down no he doesn't

bring me down all right so we're gonna call do you want to do this call did you want to call

all here and do it or do you want to um do you know if you're free just go ahead and dial them

i was just asking that you know that i know that you'll handle the call where i believe there's

just uh the rank the uh is his name really thor is that right yeah his name is thor okay the first

one okay the first number i gave you i'm gonna copy it again here it's kate busher yeah that's

It's the second one.

Well, I'm saying the guy's name is really Thor.

That's crazy.

That's the name, yeah.

So call Kate, okay?

First of all, just call that number and make sure that that's the Buscher residence, okay?

And then ask to speak with Kate.

If it's not, then it's going to be the Thor Booker residence.

Okay.

Well, that's considered.

So I think it should be Kate Buscher's number.

I'm not correct.

All right, we'll see.

And the point of the call is that we want to do a point.

Jim Newsom, your landlord, is a pedophile.

Okay.

My name is Jack, and I'm wondering if I could give you positive some information on Mr. Newsham, your landlord.

Poor.

Well, we would like to let you know that he is a pedophile.

We're involved with a group, a grassroots group, that tries to warn people of situations like this.

And I think maybe you want to get a hold of Mr. Newsham and the allegations against him.

Does Butcher have you lost you?

So emotional.

Please enter your destination number.

Oh, this is horrible.

This is not funny.

Hang on, let me try Thor Booker now.

That was a good call.

Oh, she just don't really give a shit.

She's probably in on the action, too.

Your current balance will allow you to talk for three hours, 57 minutes, 29.

We are not available now.

Please leave your name and phone number.

Tell us when you could crack.

Yeah, possibly.

Those poor people.

Come on now.

No, that's all right.

We'll try that next week, perhaps, or something like that.

Yeah, Tuck tells me to send that Che Guevara shirt out to Zola to have his friend do it.

That'd be cool.

We'll see about that.

Give me an actual art, 2X, please.

Yeah, exactly.

Make sure they do 2X.

2X is great.

3X, too.

You know what?

I like shirts that have, like, you know.

I cannot get any copies of that artwork.

You know, I've never seen any of that stuff.

It's because it's all pictures of you in your underpants.

Pictures of him dancing in his underpants.

Well, that's what I was thinking, you know,

since I don't wear a through-the-loom like Andy did.

I made it to send my friends back.

I do.

I wear a boxer briefs.

I don't know.

I think they're Hanes, as a matter of fact.

I think Boxers are gay, dude.

Man, I've got rights on that now.

All right, well, look how we're down.

We both wear the same kind of underwear.

Yeah, that's good.

You wear probably like briefs.

Well, I go commando most of the time.

Yeah, I'm trying to laugh it off, but that's sick.

He needs quick access.

Company's got a bladder problem.

When did that start, Commando?

Like, two years ago is the first time I heard that.

No, I think they said that.

That's old.

This bitch told me once, I go Commando.

I was like, bitch, get the fuck into a Commando.

Actually, she goes through swamps breathing through a reed.

She slips people's throats.

Yeah, she's got the big straw.

There's an actual reference to that in the Seinfeld bit.

Yeah, it was Seinfeld.

I don't remember.

Is that what it was?

Okay.

Jerry Seinfeld had a reference to that back in the 90s.

Yeah, he did.

I'm going Commando.

All right.

It's dangerous.

That's what it is, man.

Your balls might not come back.

You get some pubic hair getting ripped off that way, too, man.

Happened to me.

Anyway, never happened to me.

What about our boy Lonesome Loser, man?

Is he pumping out?

He's probably punching out some pretty good money.

He is.

We've got to get to these.

Let's try some of those.

Okay, we've got Pooh's Pitch Stop and One Stop House of Smokes.

Wow, in Oregon.

We went to the Granny's House of Soul Food.

The 99th Sense was a fax machine.

Well, you know, if you call Oregon, it's only 830 in Oregon right now.

It's 830 in Oregon.

Wow, that's great.

Lego might call in now, apparently.

He says it's busy, busy, busy.

I don't know.

Is it toll-free work in Milkman?

Have you tried it?

No, I haven't tried it.

What's that?

Who's calling you?

Is that Ellie?

Okay.

I don't know who the fuck it is.

Oh, yeah, you do.

What's 702 area code?

702.

Oh, I think it's Brandon Vegas.

Hold on.

Brandon Vegas is calling you.

Hello.

What's he calling you for?

You're on the air.

Hey, what's happening?

Hey, man.

We're on the air.

Give me love, baby.

Suck it.

Okay, Brandon Vegas says that your phone line has been busy for over a half hour straight.

Oh, you see.

Zola was talking.

Zola was on the phone the whole time.

Hang on.

You know it's busy now because it got deactivated.

Hang on.

Retry that.

Okay.

He said it's been deactivated, so he's reactivating the number.

Yeah.

There's Dr. Lego anyway.

Yeah, no wonder.

Give me that toll-free.

Okay, somebody wants to say hello, Claudia.

Go ahead, Brandon.

Hang on.

Hey, what's up, man?

Hey, great.

Give us a call when Lego's done.

Hey, what's going on?

Yeah.

Yeah, he says it's great, man.

Jesus loves you.

Ow.

You're in the madhouse.

Go ahead.

Go ahead and try and call me.

Yo, man, something is fucked up with your toll free.

It's fucked up something nasty, but I think I'm fixing it right now.

Hang on.

Yeah, see, it is disabled.

Son of a bitch.

I think the flux capacitor is fucking not fluxing, you know?

Yeah, the flux capacitor needs 10, 1.9 gigawatts.

All right, I got a couple of problems.

Okay, go ahead.

Why don't you tell us your problems, Dr. Lager?

First of all, you know, the show was getting a little too political for me,

but then you guys, like, you know, you smoothed it out, so that's okay.

Because I've got to tell you, to me, it's not a political show.

This is a, you know, I hear enough about politics all day,

but it reminds me, you know, Hillary Clinton and Arnold Schwarzenegger,

they were at this event together.

Okay.

So Hillary Clinton went up to Arnold Schwarzenegger and said,

if you were my husband, I would poison that cup of coffee.

And Arnold Schwarzenegger said to Hillary Clinton,

if I was your husband, I'd drink it.

You're not really excited about Milkman's political view minute coming up.

He's going to do the news.

It's three minutes long.

He's going to do the news.

I figure instead of people having to listen to music,

I cut out one of the songs and have Milkman talk.

He's going to tell us to go to the mountains.

I'm kidding.

I think that's cool.

I think you guys do the news.

Well, you know, but you should talk more about, like, you know, I mean, that's cool.

Who's winning, anyway?

Who's fucking making word?

What?

Word?

Who's winning?

Yeah, I'm saying, who's, like, who's, like, who's, anybody got, like, any favorite people?

Uh, I don't know.

What, Hillary and shit?

I don't know.

It's just way too early.

Fucking cunt.

It's way too early.

It's just going to be a bunch of shit anyway, dude.

Who cares?

It's all fucked.

Dude, you ever think, like, what Hillary Clinton's fucking cunt looks like?

Must be a fucking massive fucking brillo pad.

Actually, it is John.

I painted a lie.

Oh, yeah.

He's got sculptures out of mashed potatoes, man.

That's what I believe it looks like.

You know who I want to fuck?

Kelly Pickler, man.

See that chick on American Idol?

No.

No, I don't have.

Oh, my God, dude.

I bet he's not.

She's a fucking little piece of ass.

Yeah?

She's, like, stupid.

I love that.

Blonde?

No, she's just that, like, beau that you know you're going to fucking get in that ass if you want it.

Good dude.

How's Kim doing?

Tell her I said hi.

Speaking of fucking blonde and stupid.

Yeah.

I don't mean that.

Yeah, no, Kim, honestly, Kim is good, you know.

Kim's a sexy bitch, but Kim pissed me off this week in the doghouse.

Well, wasn't it you last week who told her you weren't sure about the marriage thing?

Didn't that happen to you recently?

What do you want, Kat?

Well, you know what?

What I want?

I just want the bitch to clean the fucking house, man.

Yeah, that's what we all want.

You know, I want some feng shui in my life, dude.

They don't understand that, man.

They don't understand it.

I know.

No feng shui.

You know what I'm going to do?

I love the bitch, but she's a, you know, the bottom line is she don't, um, she don't, you know, it's like I give it 100%, she gives it like 2%, you know, it's like she went and got her hair done, you know, yesterday it was her nails, you know, I mean, give me a fucking break.

Anyway, dude, well, you'll see, man, these bitches, they, you know, but it's alright, you know why, dude? It's alright.

So, um, I want to tell you, I got some interesting shit going on tomorrow night.

I was about to ask you, what's on the table for tomorrow's show?

Well, I spoke to Billy Mira today

And supposedly Billy's going to do the show with me

Oh, come on now

I'll eat my hat

We will see

I heard him on Sirius the other day

He was on Sirius?

Yeah, he was on Sirius

Billy's going to be on the show

Yeah, he's on the Jim Brewer show now

Well, I heard him on the Miserable Men show

I listened to that

Oh, okay

Alright, yeah, Billy's doing pretty good over there

Thank God they got Jim Brewer on that show

One thing I will tell you is

We were talking today

and a Plum Cunts album is in the works.

We're actually going to record a Plum Cunts record.

Who's Plum Cunts?

The Plum Cunts.

Did you ever hear the skit we did with the Plum Cunts?

He's not plugged in.

I don't know.

Not really.

I don't have a computer.

He's not a computer, exactly.

He just shows up to do show here.

Oh, all right.

Well, the Plum Cunts, it's one of the skits on the old show that we used to do.

And we're going to do this fictitious band from England,

And we're going to be all fucked up hooligan motherfuckers

So we'll see what we come up with

You know, the music's going to be like

Very heavy, it's going to be like

You know, like that song Keep Em Separated

Just totally stupid shit

And we're going to be vulgar

And we'll see what happens

No one's ever thought about that before

Yeah, so

We got that going on

Natalie Joseph is going to be my co-host

Tomorrow night

What about Natalie Holloway?

Natalie Joseph, she was on Touched by an Angel, right?

No, Natalie, did you guys listen to my show last week?

Natalie Joseph is a chick that disappeared in Bermuda.

She's a gangbang whore.

Oh, a gangbang whore.

Yeah.

Yeah, she's a gangbang whore.

NatalieJoseph.com.

If you check out NatalieJoseph.com, she's the gangbang whore,

and she'll be my co-host tomorrow night, along with Billy if he shows up.

I'm sure the dead will be on there.

But then I got a very special, interesting thing.

Ever since I had Natalie Joseph on my show last week,

You know, she's a client of mine

That's how I know her

I mean, I used to do a lot of adult sites

And don't ask me, it just doesn't go away

And so I get a fucking phone call from this guy

His name is Art Hammer

Art Hammer, he's got the biggest black cock supposedly around in the world

And he's this black dude

And he has a group of guys called

What is it they're called?

They're called the Florida Mandingo

Wait, the Florida Mandingo's Club

All right, so you know what I'm saying

So you're a big black guy with a big black cock

And basically what it is, it's like 15 black guys

They have this gangbang group

And they go around fucking guys' wives

Or girlfriends, or whatever it is

So he's going to be on the show tomorrow night

As a special guest

And I'm sure he's got some interesting stories to tell

Now I'll tell you something weird

KDK, you know, said to me before online

He said, you know, porn doesn't make good radio

And you know what?

I don't think, I'm not trying to, like, do porn in the sense where I have people coming on the show and, like, jerking off on the show.

When I say I'm going to have porn people on my show, it's, you know, we do interviews, we talk about stories, and I even do pranks with them.

Like, Natalie's going to prank with me tomorrow, and I spoke to Art Hammer earlier today, and, you know, this is a guy who goes, with his big cock, goes fucking around with other chicks.

He's going to do pranks with me.

So it's not going to be a, you know, I just want KDK to rest assured.

No, it's not a porn show.

I'm not going to have Art on one line and Natalie on the other having phone sex.

Who the fuck wants to hear that?

You can pay $9.99 a minute at 1-900-EAT-MY-CUNT.

So, you know, I'm going to take these people, and, you know, I think they're interesting people,

so fuck it, they'll be on the show, and we'll do some pranks, we'll do some interviews,

we'll do some comedy, and that's what it's going to be.

You like it?

So what's it like to associate yourself with perverts?

Yeah, you're going to start taking their cum money?

I'm definitely a fucking pervert.

You know, but, you know, who's not?

Yeah, well, we all are.

Well, later on, we have built me a politics and church stuff.

Jesus is Lord.

Jesus is the greatest.

You know, it's all good, man.

It's all good.

There's nothing wrong with being a little fucking, like, freaky.

I'm not even a pervert anymore.

Hey, man, what's going on with your fucking girlfriend?

She's good, man.

She's good.

She's getting ready to go to Amsterdam.

of all things, fuck that, right, I want to go to Amsterdam, damn, bro, so you know what

that means, I know, she's going to the red light district, well, you know, bro, she's

going to Amsterdam, that means the fucking, the door's open for you, my brother, that's

right, no, I would never dream of a new, what do you mean, yeah, I should, what are you

saying, no, I would never, I'm in love with her, she's very special to me, and I would

never take that chance, I would love to go to Amsterdam, dude, you know, I'm not saying

and go out

and fuck some bitch

but maybe you can

like find some

chicken fister

or something

I don't think

fucking fisting

counts as a

as a

you know

a cheating

have you fisted

a girl before

and be honest

and don't give us

the radio shtick

come on now

have you fisted

a girl before

honestly no

honestly

I've gotten about

three or four fingers

that's about as far

as I've gotten

come on now

I swear dude

I fisted

pimp slut once

but never

never a chick

okay

well that's good

Good. Pimp Slut, that's nice.

Pimp Slut, so you and Pimp Slut, you've been talking and stuff on the side.

They're a little gossipy.

I heard rumors of a possible service.

What's going on?

Tell us the truth.

You know, Pimp Slut, he's trying to get you to host him or something like that.

Is that what's going on?

Oh, yeah, Pimp Slut wants to do a radio show, so he's asking me about a server.

Wow.

And I told Pimp Slut, I said, look, man, if you want to do a radio show,

I would talk to KDK, and let's, you know, there's some open spots.

Let's give him a shot and see what he can do.

If he's good, maybe he can earn a spot.

If he sucks and he still wants to do a show, then he's going to have to get his own server.

I am setting up a site that I'm going to be selling shoutcast server space.

Me and my tech are setting all that up right now.

We're also setting up a new site called webhostbrain.com,

and it's going to be cheap economy-type hosting starting at $5 a month.

Webhostbrain.com.

Yep, webhostbrain.com, which is not up yet.

I'll let everyone know what it is.

But if anybody wants cheap economy hosting, it's like starting at, I think it's going to be $5.95 for the initial one.

But I want to tell everyone, check out pranktheworld.com.

Pranktheworld.com.

Yeah, you know what I've done?

I've redid the site a little bit.

There's a message board on there now where you can post basically anything you want.

It's got prank ideas.

What else do I got on there?

I got some archive shows, some pretty funny shit.

I got a video blog of me.

It's retarded.

What else do I got on there?

I don't know.

I'm putting all kinds of shit up there, a little bit as I can, you know, because I'm busy.

I'm working a lot.

That's why I wasn't on the line for a while, you know?

Well, good.

You got to do what you got to do, you know?

Fuck yeah, dude.

You know, I mean, I ain't like Zola where I could be on this thing every night, you know?

Well, Zola's a janitor.

What can I say, huh?

Dude, you know, Zola, listen, I've called Zola at work, man.

You know, he answers the phone sometimes when I call him at work.

He works hard, dude. He's up early in the morning, and he's dealing with these fucking crazy fucking kids.

Yeah, there's fucking kids.

Let me tell you, man, but I'm just saying, you know, the nice thing about a job like Zola has is he gets fucking home from work,

and he's able to fucking do what he wants to do.

You know, me, I got no life, man.

No life at all. That's all I say.

That's my motto.

Hey, do you want to do a prank call?

What's your problem?

We got Mr. Toot's Coffeehouse.

Oh, fucking Mr. Toot's.

Here's a vulgar idea.

Okay.

Supposedly, this is John Bobbitt, the real John Bobbitt.

Someone's telling me this is their confirmed number.

I don't know.

Okay.

Right.

I don't know.

We could try it.

All right.

Yeah, but get him on.

All right.

I will get him on.

And good luck to you.

Good hunting there, sir.

All right.

God bless you.

All right.

Hang on, everybody.

We'll be right back with...

I didn't mean to sneeze, but all right.

Not yet. Dr. Lego will be sneezing and doing a prank call next. Hang on, everybody.

Yay, Lego! Call him!

Yeah, by the way, I know my audio is having trouble tonight.

My audio is having trouble tonight. You know what? I know.

Thank you, guys. That's all I gotta say.

Thank you, KDK, for pointing out that I'm having audio trouble tonight. Thank you!

I'll be right back.

I need to feel your touch.

Minute 29 seconds.

Hey, change of plan. You're calling Steve Christ.

He gets beat up by his girlfriend and he's trying to commit suicide five times.

Oh, he's on there.

Lego, you're there.

Got the problem.

Who's this?

Is that you, Lego?

No.

I'm looking for Steve.

Steve.

Where the fuck is Steve?

Steve Christ.

That guy.

He's on the entrance.

He's an asshole.

How about that?

Steve, you there?

No, he's not there.

Oh, hey.

Is that him?

That's me.

I was making a funny voice.

I don't know, dude.

Hang on.

We can call it a soul food place.

We're having prawns.

Or a Chinese restaurant or a coffee house.

Give me a Chinese.

Chinese restaurant.

Restaurant, Suzy Wu's Chinese restaurant is coming up next with Dr. Lego.

We'll be right back after this.

You know, Lego, I don't mean to get upset.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

But just sometimes, you know?

Yeah.

Fist your woman?

I fist one girl, not my woman now.

She's too tight.

You got your whole hand in?

Um, did it get the fist?

I had all five, but couldn't make the fist.

It would freak me out, dude.

It's crazy.

Yeah, it's like, what happened to my arm?

Yeah.

What happened to my hand?

It disappeared.

Where you get these numbers? Does anybody verify the fucking numbers on this show?

It's Lonesome the Loser.

He's usually pretty good.

Yeah, we've been...

He confirmed it.

For a white guy.

Susie Woo, I don't know what time is it, 846. Maybe they don't want to answer this late.

Hey, thanks, Andy. Andy got me a beer.

Nice guy.

Son of a bitch.

Obviously there's nothing happening here.

Obviously not, hang on.

You want to try for one more or you want to call it an attempt already?

It's up to, you know, eat what you want. It's up to you.

Get him a call, man.

Well, you know, I'm here.

I mean, if you want to get one, we want to get at least one person to answer.

Hell, yeah.

We're going to call the soul food place.

How about that?

Hang on, everybody.

Maybe this will work.

This is Orton the Longer accepting phone order.

Hello.

Yo, what's up?

Orton the Longer accepting phone order.

Oh, that's all right.

Can I come in and pick it up?

You sure can if you make it before nine.

Oh, shit.

All right.

Do you guys have that, you guys have chitlins?

Yeah, we do.

Oh, you do?

Yes.

All right, and how do you make those?

What are they made out of?

What are the children made out of?

Yeah.

They're just pig intestines.

Pig intestines?

Oh, no, I don't know.

I think that would make me throw up.

You know what?

I thought that was, um, yo, let me tell you, you sound like some spider sugar.

All right, let me ask you this.

Um, the pig intestines, can I get that sautéed with a little butter?

Hold on just a moment.

We're calling Bertha.

Yeah, hey, how you doing?

Who am I talking to?

Trina.

We're no longer taking phone orders.

Yeah, how you doing?

That's all right.

My name is Ramon.

Okay.

And I write for the local Herald.

Uh-huh.

And we're doing a review of all the restaurants in the area that make children.

Okay.

And I just want to know, you know, why do you think you guys have the best pig intestines in the neighborhood?

Because everybody comes back for them.

Is that right?

Now, where do you get your pig intestines from?

Do you like just...

Oh, hold on, okay.

Okay.

All right, who's this?

It's Ramon.

What are you doing, man?

Ramon?

Yeah, I write for the local herald in the area, and we're doing a review on soul food restaurants.

Yeah.

I was just trying to find out about, you know, what's your specialty?

Our specialty?

Yes.

Oh, well, you know, we do it all, man.

Fried chicken, you know, pork chops, short ribs, oxtails, we do it all.

Now, what about, I heard you guys have very good chitlins there.

Oh, yeah, we got some good chitlins.

All right, so let me ask you, do people, like, come out of the way to eat that food, or what?

Do they come out of the way? What do you mean?

You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, I mean, like, you guys have, like, I mean,

well, I'm going to come down there and sample the food, you know what I'm saying?

Uh-huh.

Because I got to write my review.

Okay. Well, you know, when you come in, you know, this will save you a lot of time.

You know, the L.A. Times did a big review on us, you know?

And what'd they say?

Well, they talked about everything we do.

Charles Perry, he's a famous food critic for the L.A. Times.

Oh, yeah, I know. Charles is my boy.

Charles! Charlie!

Golly, golly, man, I hung out with that dude.

Shit.

Well, he did it for us, you know, in his column in the L.A. Times.

He got a small little penis, but he's all right.

He's got a cock the size of a thimble.

Well, I wouldn't know about that.

I was hanging out with him.

We all went down to this gangbang, man.

He couldn't even pull it out.

All right, so I'm going to come down here.

I'm going to sample your food.

You're not going to know who I am, though, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, that's the way they do it.

I didn't know who he was.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

I didn't know who he was either until he pulled it out.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

And so, listen, if you were written up in the L.A. Times, you got some really good soul food there.

That was his opinion.

We've been around for 40 years, so, you know, that tells you something right there.

And this is like a family business.

Yeah, family.

It's like incest.

It's cool, man.

I like that.

All right, man, so I'll talk to you later.

All right, I'll see you in your small penis, all right?

All right.

I'll see you in your big cat.

What the fuck was that all about?

I don't know where the fuck that came from.

What the fuck just happened?

I don't know.

Was that even funny?

Yeah, it was funny. It was weird.

Hang on. We got you back.

Yeah, man. Everything's funny in a certain respect.

You know what I mean? It's okay.

I don't know.

That was funny, though. We were both laughing.

You were laughing, right?

I'm glad you were laughing.

I want to tell you guys

You know, Milky, Carlito, and whoever the fuck the other guy is.

Andrew.

You guys are all right.

Hey, you're all right, too, man.

You take care.

I like your show.

I like the way you guys run it.

No, no.

You know, just everything, man.

Why am I an echo chamber?

Fucking KDK, you guys are having some audio shit tonight.

I don't know.

Well, everybody's got to complain.

Everybody's got to complain.

No, I'm not complaining.

KDK says Lego is an echo chamber.

Well, you know what, KDK?

Just make pretend I'm Robert Plant, all right?

Yeah, well, KDK's perfect.

You know, like Led Zeppelin and shit.

KDK's perfect.

You forgot.

I'm sorry.

KDK, man.

You know, you can't fucking...

You know, you don't get better than KDK.

Yeah, I mean, yeah.

Yeah, I'll tell you what.

I'm not...

On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being KDK, then I guess I'm a 3.

There we go.

I admit it.

Is that what everybody wants?

There it is.

Well, are you saying, what, 3 inches?

No, just 3 on a scale of 1 to 10.

Come on, man.

Dude, no, you...

Dude, let me tell you right now, okay?

Okay, fucking Madhouse is, that's, you know, Alito, man, this show fucking rocks.

I don't care what anybody says.

Yeah, I should get a movie, damn it.

Where's my movie coming, Lego?

Where's my movie deal?

What movie?

Exactly.

We'll talk, we'll talk.

Lego, tomorrow night at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, Dr. Lego's Mental Discrepancies.

No joke, dude.

Tomorrow night's going to be a slamming show.

You don't want to miss tomorrow night's show.

It's going to be fucking groundbreaking history.

Lego, how long have you been married to Miss Kim?

And is that your first marriage? Do you have any kids?

Oh, yeah. I'm with Kim 15 fucking years, dude.

15 years.

I'm not married to her that long, but I'm with her 15 years.

But, you know, I'll fucking bang Kelly Pickler if she's around.

Kim knows the deal.

Kim knows if I find a fucking hot chick that I want to bang, I'm just going to bang her, and that's it.

And, you know, if she wants to fucking leave, fuck out.

Fuck out. That's what you do.

Yeah, hell yeah, man. You tell her how it is, man.

You know, because, you know, seriously, what's the big deal?

I'm not gonna marry the other chick. I'm just gonna fuckin' use her for a snatch.

Yeah. That's a very nice thing to say about your common-law wife, I guess, or whatever she is.

Will you tell her I said hi? It's always a pleasure to tell her. I know she hates me and stuff.

No, dude, she don't hate it. You know what, dude? You know what she hates?

She hates that fuckin' PCU is, is like, that, that, like, you guys are all my, you know, my peeps.

That's, you know, she's not, you know, she's... Really? That's how women are.

They just get jealous when we have something going on that doesn't involve them, then it's, it's jealousy.

You know, KDK says Keith has a nine-inch penis.

Well, good for Keith, you know?

And good for KDK for bringing that up.

You know, I don't know.

No, he says he ain't half, ain't half.

But still, that's big.

I mean, good, good.

You know, I want fucking proof of that.

But he's not using it because KDK, isn't KDK the...

Yeah, KDK's the man.

He's the top.

Yeah, he's the top, so...

He's the man.

What's the dude in the top?

Dude, you're talking like gay shit.

He said he comes on himself. He said, I'm the top and KDK's the bitch.

And Keith is the bitch.

So KDK's not taking the big non-intro up his ass.

He's not. He's afraid to.

Well, you know what? I'd be afraid of that monster myself.

I guess so.

If Kim ever came near me with a strap on, I'd fucking smack her.

Whatever.

I don't know.

Once they do that, then they get, you know.

They get all freaky. They're watching too much TV.

That's what it is. Too much of that fucking Oprah shit.

What else you got in store for us tonight? What are you going to do?

Milkman up with the news next,

and then we're going to knock out a bunch of prank calls here out of the way.

All right, I'm going to listen.

You do?

Yeah, man.

Make me proud.

I'm going to listen tomorrow,

and that bitch, the dad's going to be on tomorrow,

that asshole son of a bitch, annoying motherfucker.

He's going to be on tomorrow, all right?

What, the dad?

The dad.

Come on, man.

Steve, man.

Steve Voorhees?

Yeah, he's got to watch his mouth around me

because I'm liable to punch him in the fucking cock is what it is.

Bro, you know what it is?

He gets on here.

He's like, I'm drunk.

Oh, everybody, I'm drunk all the time.

Well, whatever, man.

Well, get drunk, then.

He's an alcoholic, dude.

Yeah, no, he's an alcoholic.

He's got a problem.

He's a fucking alcoholic with a speech impediment.

I mean, how much worse can you get?

He'd whip your ass, too.

Fuck that.

He ain't going to whip my ass.

The dude's not going to whip my ass.

See that picture of him on my website?

Oh, I got to see that.

Yeah, let's do that now.

Yeah, give us a link.

Cranktheworld.com

Tom, that's where you go for your web entertainment.

That's Frank the World.

Where is he at?

Report sites, rampant FBI wiretapping violations.

Let's see.

Okay.

I'll check that out.

I appreciate you having me on there.

Give me a call tomorrow night if you want.

Yeah, man.

Oh, yeah, man.

Don't, you know, are you going on during the day tomorrow?

People want to know.

No, I got to work, man.

I used to be able to do this shit like that, but I got to work now.

Have the money.

I know.

Oh, wow, he is creepy looking

Yeah, the dead is like

Hey, hang on

Do me a favor, seriously, I want you to check with your girl

And say to her, listen, while you're in Amsterdam

The fisting count is cheating

You know, just ask her before she goes

Because, you know, if she goes

If she says something like

She might just shock you and say

You know, I don't know, I don't think so

If she says that

And, you know, you find some chick that likes you

You could just say there look honey, you know, I was in a relationship or anything, but you know

I can grease this hand up and shove it up your cunt

Okay, we're good. You know, thank you for that

Listen real quick, did you ever see the video of the guy one hand up

Oh, yeah, I love that.

You guys do that.

I'm telling you, man, there's some crazy shit going on.

All right, listen, I love you guys.

You're doing a great job.

I'll see you tomorrow night.

Please give it back that day.

All right, man.

Hey, Dr. Mango, you take care of yourself, sir.

You got it.

Bye-bye.

Dr. Mango, there's this, like, this is webpage that takes over everything.

Someone said, hey, this is, yeah, some fucking asshole did that to me.

That happened to me a lot.

Hey, Milkman, you need to hang on because you cannot be audible right now.

I had to, Jesus, God Christ, Milkman, hang on.

Hello, Milkman, are you there?

Are we here?

Milkman's there.

We're there.

Hang on, I've got to turn you up.

There you go.

Milkman, go ahead.

He was right there, and now he hung up.

He had to do his news now.

Ah, God.

Who did that to you?

That sucks.

That's happened to me before, but it was just like I clicked on the link once in the web

page.

Who did you get that link from?

Someone sent it to me.

He said it was like numbers and shit.

That's funny.

That's happened to me a long time ago.

That's hilarious.

It happened to Keith the other day in the year, and I sort of laughed.

I was like, oh, I remember that.

Yeah, everybody knows how gay you are.

Yeah, we lost Milkman, unfortunately.

That sucks.

What the hell?

More hijinks.

Yeah, more hijinks.

I have been hijacked.

Oh, my God.

Hang on, let me try to save the show.

No, it's not a virus.

It's just a sweet fucking screenshot.

Let's see if it ever ends.

Anyway, so if you want to join us toll-free, you can call us at 1-888-278-8509.

Again, you can reach us here toll-free.

1-888-278-8509

Get back home.

Okay, let's see if we can get

our friend Milkman back on the line here

in any second now.

As I try to recoup here from the asshole

who decided to send me some shit.

Okay.

There we go. That's gone.

Yay. I think we're done.

So we'll wait for Milkman to come back,

but in the meantime, we'll do another prank call.

Okay.

Who can I call?

all um well we tried fetus man's numbers and they just aren't working we probably waited too long

john bobbitt is not john bobbitt according to kdk uh so that's not gonna work what else can we do

um turd burglar says a louis disabri confirmed he's a dude that's all into hot rods and fat

chicks well that's good and turd has gizmo project that's good too okay and uh okay kdk

cases to prank old ladies as Smeagol.

Alright, that's a good idea.

Okay, let's do a few prank calls

here. I may just call it a night, I think.

After this year. Let's try Gus and

Iggy's Toilets.

We'll be right back.

Make sure you get Millman on.

I'm waiting for him to get back on.

He's not getting back on Gizmo.

I'm going to throw him on the floor and kill you.

He's not going to come down.

I listen to a lot of broadcasts.

There are no more in you city slickers.

i'm paranoid sleeping with my finger on the trigger my mother's always stressing i ain't

living right but i ain't going out without a fight every time my eyes close i start sweating

and blood starts coming out my nose there's somebody watching me act but i don't know who

it is so i'm watching my back i can see him when i'm deep in the covers when i awake i was

he owns a black hat like i own a black suit and a cane like my own some might say take a chill

But fuck that shit, there's a nigga trying to kill me

I'm popping in the clip when the wind blows

Every 20 seconds got me peeping out my window

Investigating the joint for traps

And my telephone for texts

I'm staring at you, it's fucked up when your mind's playing tricks

Hello?

Hey, how you doing?

Hello

That's good, is this the toilet residence?

Wrong number

Don't you guys do the toilets, ma'am?

No, wrong number

Who is this then?

This is the wrong number

Nice people, Gus?

Hello

People should be required by law to provide a little more information.

Yeah, they should.

This is the wrong number.

Milkman, are you there?

Please, please, Milkman.

Milkman, he's...

Okay.

Is that why you look like a gay porno?

I think so.

He's doing something.

He's busier when they're doing something.

Hippie fag.

The dead should call in if he's going to call you a hippie fag.

Who's not a hippie fag?

The dead.

He looks like some hippie fag.

Okay, all right.

I totally look like a hippie fag.

That's a fright wig right there.

That was at Universal Studios.

You're very frightening in that one.

I am.

It's a very frightening wig.

Wow.

Okay, let me turn that down.

You look like a Hawaiian in that one.

If you were really like that, like a Samoan.

Yeah.

You'd probably be playing pro football if you were a Samoan.

So the dead's upset that I said shit about him.

Well, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I did say shit.

Well, you pissed me off the other day, so there it is.

If you don't like it, then just don't listen.

Yeah, why don't you give it to the whole smile, faggot?

Exactly.

Give it a half smile.

That's going to be a great confrontation.

Well, me and the dead?

Yeah.

Fuck that.

Why don't you make fun of me?

Hey, you're a dickhead, you faggot.

Yeah, anyway.

What the hell?

Anyway.

Milkman says, can we hear him?

No.

Milkman, you're connected?

I'm disconnecting him now.

Milkman, try to end your call there if you're listening.

And hang on, we'll try to connect you again.

Hang on, we'll try that one more time.

See if we can get Milkman on here so we can continue with the show

for perhaps another half hour or so.

Look at that.

I was going to come back and he stopped.

Anyway, we'll hang on, folks.

We'll try a prank call.

Let's see what Lonesome Loser sent me.

A pizza hut in Fullerton, California.

A Latino guy named Oscar in his 20s.

Call him as Eddie.

Eddie.

Yeah, do an Eddie call.

Yo, what with the pizza?

Just ask for more stuff in this stuff.

More cheese.

Sausage and sauce in my crust.

There you go.

All right, we'll do that right now.

The whole pizza up like a blunt.

You're going to roll my pizza up like a blunt.

You're going to roll it up like a blunt, dog.

It's like a smoker.

You have $2.08.

Your current balance will allow you to talk for 3 hours, 8 minutes, 29 seconds.

My name is Oscar.

How are you doing today?

Assalamualaikum.

Huh?

Yeah.

Okay.

Hang on.

I'm gonna put my brother on.

He's gonna order pizza there, okay?

Okay.

Okay, hang on.

Yo, hello.

Order a pizza, please.

Asshole, you're just gonna sit there and not talk to me?

What the fuck is your problem?

Talk to me.

Yeah, I thought you were talking to your brother.

I'm talking to you.

I'll put my brother on.

Why won't you talk to him?

Okay, yeah, your brother told me.

Let me put my brother on.

Yeah, hello.

I thought you were talking to each other.

Okay.

You hang on.

I got someone else on the line.

Hey, hey, Milkman, are you there?

Milkman?

Yeah, can you hear me?

Yeah, we hear you.

Okay, so, hey, you there, man.

What's with the pizza, huh?

Hurry up with it.

Okay, your phone number, please?

My phone number is 714.

Okay, what is your address?

123 Sesame Street.

What is your main cross street?

Commonwealth.

Yeah, Commonwealth and what else?

Commonwealth and 3rd.

Yeah, we don't deliver there.

Hey, what do you mean you don't deliver here, you asshole?

I just saw you guys deliver something to my neighbor,

and I decided to give you guys a call because I want some pizza, too.

Are you lying to me now?

Okay, what is exactly your address, please?

I told you, 123 Sesame Street.

Yeah, but what is your two main closest streets?

Commonwealth and 3rd.

Are you close to Magnolia?

I'm right by it. I'm like a mile away from Magnolia.

Okay, good. You got to call the one in Euclid and Commonwealth.

Hey, you asshole, no.

How come the guy I asked to deliver, he said I just came...

Don't talk to me like that because we don't deliver to you.

Why you talk to me like that?

My brother wants to talk to you. You ready?

Yo, yo, mira. Mira, I'm talking to you, pizza man.

I want to order a pizza now.

I wish I could get one.

Let's call Best Buy.

That's always good for shits and giggles.

Hang on.

Enter your destination number now.

Yeah, Milkman's there, right?

Milkman, you there?

Hello.

Ready to do your thing, Milkman?

Ready to do your thing?

What do I say?

Oh, we got a phone call now.

Someone just kept redialing and redialing and redialing, apparently.

Let's talk to this guy.

What's up, man? It's Brandon Vegas.

Brandon Vegas. How are you, sir?

Brandon, you tell me, how am I having all these troubles?

Is that what people are like, man, you're having all these troubles. What's the problem?

I don't know. I'm not listening on the air.

Oh, great.

A milkman told me to call in last night.

Okay, yeah, I had problems. I had problems with the phone line, I'm sorry, but here you are.

So, how you been, Brandon? How's your week?

Ask him to explain what's going on, Cargill.

Explain what's going on.

Pretty good, just trying to get my shit moved down here.

That's why I'm not listening right now.

I haven't been online since last Saturday.

Brandon, did you do a show the other day or something like that?

What was that all about? Was that you?

Yeah, Milkman called me.

He told me they were playing it on the air or something.

I wasn't around to hear it, so...

I was listening last night. It was pretty good, man.

Wasn't that bad?

No, it was pretty good, man.

I actually listened to about half of it last night.

As far as I was tired, I'll be honest with you, I couldn't hear the whole thing,

but I heard the first hour of it, I think, I want to say.

I heard an hour of it.

It was pretty good.

It was good stuff.

I enjoyed it, man.

I don't know.

You have a good thing going there.

Was that just a test?

Are you auditioning for, like, do you have your own thing going,

or just for the hell of it, you decided to do a show?

I just recorded it with Hell's Fury that day.

I was just kind of messing around and decided to put it up on the site

and KDK downloaded it.

That's cool.

Cool. So, Hell's Fury, he's pretty backwoodsy sounding, right?

Yeah, I don't know. I haven't talked to him since we've done that show

because he called me the very next day and I was telling him we were packing or whatever

and he called me back later and he called me like 20 times in a row.

So, I don't know what the hell happened.

That's always great.

Tell him I said unload Hell's Fury and do a show without Hell's Fury.

What was that? Hang on. Milkman has a report. Milkman, what did you say now?

Tell him that I told him to unload Hell's Fury.

What the hell happened to Milkman? You hear that?

Milkman turned into gas.

There he is again.

My tea is ready.

For a second,

Milkman, you sounded like, all we heard from your end for like

three seconds, it was like,

and I said it sounded like you turned

into gas. It sounded really funny.

Well, that's good.

The Dead has a mind? Well, good for The Dead. You know what?

The Dead is cool. Oh, okay. No, no, no.

That was just about to be in a flash. I said tell

Brandon, tell Brandon to

to ditch Hell's Fury and just do your show by yourself.

Okay, Milkman says you should ditch Hell's Fury and do your show by yourself.

And I say, here, here.

I haven't even talked to him since then because he had milked the shit out of me.

Well, you should.

Well, man, you keep in touch and let us know, you know,

if you end up doing a show regularly or something like that.

We'd love to promote you.

You're a good friend here.

You've come through with numbers in the past and stuff.

It's always good to talk to you.

All right, man.

Yeah.

So, anything else?

Do you want to do a call?

Do you do calls, Brandon? I don't remember very well.

I did something. Yeah, we did those Australia calls that one time that I could see a little while back.

Oh, that's true. We did.

Yeah, we did. Do you want to call a limousine service here?

I got a limousine service that's confirmed that we can call, ready to go.

I just wanted to check in because I haven't been around for a while.

I wanted to make sure people know I wasn't dead or in jail.

Yeah, yeah, you've been out.

Yeah, well, okay, so you've been doing anything, I guess, but it's good to hear from you, then.

Yeah, it's a special day.

All right, man, do you want to do a call or do you want to call it a night before your end?

I was about to go to bed

I was just calling

You know the man told me

To call in just to check in

And let people know

I was still around

I don't know what I just said

Okay well Austin

Hey Brandon

Thank you for calling man

Hopefully we'll get you

To do a prank call here

Next time or something like that

And I'll keep posted

Hopefully you do another show soon

Alright thanks man

Alright man

Peace out

Yeah dude that was a great show

That Brandon Vegas

Did with Hell's Fury

It was pretty good

I had a good time

Listening to what I did of it

It was a good hour I listened

That was

I guess KDK played that last night

Is that true?

Am I correct?

Yeah

He played

He played in its entirety

all right so basically what it was was then we were just kind of like getting you know getting

it all set up and stuff for a little bit and then actually i thought brandon was funny and

probably could have did better without him i'm sure he did a little bit of rehearsing that not

that i don't know he's cool but i was very saying hey to you yeah he's cool but i think that uh i

think brandon did better with that with on his own action all right milk band are you gonna take a

a break now. I'm going to take a whiz.

Are you ready to do your news? Are you ready?

I'll give you some time to do your news real quick.

Alright, good. Milkman's going to do his first

night of the news. You're not going to listen?

I'm going to be here for that, then as the music plays,

I'll go head to the bathroom.

Are you going to stay? Yeah, of course.

I don't know. I've been looking forward to this as I heard

about it like an hour ago.

Alright, so Milkman, you are ready to go, right?

I'm going to start the break now if you're ready.

Sure, sure. We'll give her

a swirl.

It'll be better next time. It's just a personal

one off the copper can. I'm going to wing this one

and then from then on

I'll have more of a script.

I'll have it rehearsed and most likely

I'll have it pre-produced.

You're just going to call it Milkman's News?

You got a name for it?

Headlines in the Met House.

Okay, Milkman,

check your Google PM here.

Check your Google. I just sent you a bit

of information for your...

Did you get that there, buddy?

I'll keep talking. Anyway,

while Milkman gets it up there

We're going to give the shout-out to your madhouselive.com.

A shout-out to Lonesome Loser.

We're going to come back from the break.

It's a quick break.

Milkman is going to do a little thing here, and we're going to play one song,

and we'll come back, and we'll do some more prank calls, I promise you.

I'm sorry for the technical issues I've had.

Milkman, did you get that message?

Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you to do?

I see you.

What the hell?

Hang on.

Okay.

You got it?

You understand?

Yeah, okay.

Okay.

All right.

I just said there's a little information for you that's going to come on right after you.

So, anyway, we're going to come back with some more prank calls.

We have a lot of stuff here.

If you want to send in your suggestions, AOL Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio.

Madhouse Radio for AOL Instant Messenger.

Yahoo Madhouse PCU Radio.

You can also join us in the chat room at kdkprankcalls.com.

And a big thank you to all 63 people listening right now.

Wow, that's a good crowd.

crowd uh 53 on pcu and 10 others on the assorted radio madhouse radio network uh the fledging one

as it may be okay milkman you're ready to go eh all right man okay well everybody it's now 12 16

it's friday you made it to the weekend and we'll be right back with uh more prank calls right back

after this right after this other people are coming here not here and as i said before here

Welcome tonight to Headlines in the Mac House.

This is the first installment number one.

In case children haven't noticed out there lately,

the NSA has had legal reasons to be intercepting all your telephone calls,

all your cellular telephone messages,

and through a landmark decision of the House and Senate,

it passed the House that they are going to be allowed to continue to skirt the law, folks.

That's right.

Right. All your messages, IMs, internet messaging, it's all up for grabs.

So anything you say can be headlines in the NSA.

That's right, folks.

Yeah.

So as a matter of fact, it barely passed.

There was some small concessions given to George Bush, and this is a whole plan with the Patriot Acts.

Folks, be aware, Big Brother is out there, Big Brother is listening, and Big Brother loves it all.

that's right so if you got a million dollars you can get a friend over there so they're barely

past it and also in the news this week uh we have we have a new announcement uh from the political

scene also here that the iran the whole iran affair okay they are here's the story down a

while okay basically iran is building uh nuclear uh facilities to uh power the country etc okay

Okay, and also there's a possibility that they could be doing a covert weapon.

Unlikely, but anyway, it's another reason that the wonderful regime,

you know, our own United States democracy here is going to go in and do a big strike.

In other words, they're going to go in and start another war right in the door to Iraq.

Now, you go figure this one out.

I've been trying to wonder on this one.

9-1-1 was a bunch of Saudis, okay?

These guys over there, along the way, got together, got their nickels together,

went in there to create a big plan to destroy the commerce of the United States.

So that was what it was all about, basically, because Islamo-Eladin, I mean.

Islamo-Eladin.

Yeah, Islamo-Eladin.

I mean, no, I mean Osama bin Laden, okay?

Okay, Osama bin Laden had taken his family's wealth also.

Okay, what had all happened was that George Bush's family was in business with Osama bin Laden.

And what happened was they built a big army base during the first Gulf War.

Some of you people may not have been around.

You may have only been born around that point in time.

But there was a big Gulf War, the first one.

And it was over in a couple of weeks.

We went in and kicked their ass.

Well, they built a big Air Force base over there, and that pissed off Bin Laden, okay?

So he decided, okay, you guys aren't going to take your shit out of here.

You're a bunch of crazy guys, and we're going to start a guerrilla war.

All right, Milkman, we have time for one more news topic.

All right.

I have a question for Milkman first, though.

Who am I, guys?

Your question?

Yeah, go ahead.

If the A-team wasn't old, they could take care of this shit, right?

The A-team.

If they weren't all old, they could take care of this shit.

Mr. T, Mr. Payne, he could take care of it.

They all have cancer now, though, because Hanwell smoked a lot.

Yeah, that's true.

I'm sorry, I didn't know how to kiss you, Mr. Payne.

I'll kick your ass.

All right, all right, all right.

Next topic.

back on topic one more and we're gonna we're gonna i'm gonna take a piss go ahead milkman

all right so anyway kid that's what happened man basically they decided they're going to go

into iran folks so don't be surprised if the next bunch of terrorists on your our list

and on your television screen will be forced to be fed to you will be the iranians okay so

look out it's a big money swindle get out your tax dollars and get ready all you young kids

It's their register for selective services.

There it is.

All right.

Yeah, I did.

All right.

You did well.

Milkman, you have anything else to say here?

What's coming up next here?

We'll take a break.

What song?

Oh, wonderful.

Yes, I think we have in the queue, we have a classic tune, folks.

That's right.

James Marshall Hendricks is going to play his forever classic, Hey Joe.

All right.

Take her away, Cardi Cole.

All right.

Well, awesome.

Here we go, dude.

Everybody, thank you, Milkman.

Give us a little applause.

Very well done.

Yes, I'm sorry.

Very well done for the first Madhouse

news report. I'm sure with

time it'll get a lot better.

Oh, I gotta get better.

He's a laughing.

Alright, everybody, we'll be right back after this.

Here's, uh...

Here's that.

Yes.

We shot a mess on KCU.

Tease me. Stimulate to

tease me.

The music just cuts out all of a sudden.

Well, that sucks. Well, sorry, everybody.

I guess I'm having audio trouble.

But what can I say?

It happens.

There's nothing that can be done about it.

I'm sorry.

It's a bad night.

I'm sorry.

You need more practice.

Yeah.

I need more practice.

Yeah.

I've only been doing this for like half a year.

Anyway, so you're back in the madhouse.

And the audio troubled madhouse apparently, but the madhouse nonetheless.

Thank you everybody.

The quiet house.

The quiet madness.

The quiet house.

Yeah.

The shy house.

Well, of course, a big thank you to Katie Gayford.

It's always good to hear his view on things.

Milkman, what do you have to say?

Very well done on the news, by the way.

Man, I can't wait until we hear more of it.

It'll get better, guys.

I just winged that one out of my ass.

I wasn't going to watch it.

I'll have a little bit better.

It was just kind of like, oh, yeah.

I imagine your long white hair flying in the wind as you furiously squeeze your arms at a point.

Actually, Calus is grabbing my wheelchair wheels, you know, and like,

You're bloody, you're bloody, you're a punk, you're a killer.

Well, thank God I ain't got a bald spot or nothing, man.

I got freaking long-ass, wild hair.

So thank God I got a bald spot.

What color hair do you have?

It's black, man.

Long and black.

It's probably almost to my knees.

There's no way it's to your knees.

Jeez, that's so...

Yeah, man.

Seriously, man.

Why do you have your hair...

Because I got a long ponytail, dude.

I've been wearing it for...

Oh, God.

It's probably been about that same length for...

50 years.

No, I've had...

My hair hasn't been cutting over 13 years, dude.

30 or 13?

13 or 14, man.

It's been this long for about five or six years now.

Does your hair grow faster than human hair?

Like, boatman hair grows faster than human hair does, right?

No, my hair, okay, dude, when I got my haircut, I used to do the little, you know, do the

hairstyle, you know, flip it back, you know, make it look at all, you know, and all that

shit.

I got so damn tired of that.

Dude, I would have my haircut in two weeks before the end of the month, I'd have to get

another freaking haircut.

That's how fast my hair grip is, man.

Yeah, I shave my head, so that way I don't have to worry about that.

Well, you know, I do shave my chin, you know, I don't believe in showing that, you

You know, when you don't come in, you don't need that, you know, that last bit of, that bad last bit of insulation.

So, what is he saying?

What are you saying, though, man?

Milfman's just saying Milfman.

So, yeah, actually, you know, so I do sport the hornet's nest, too, so.

I don't know what a hornet's nest is.

What's that?

That's some island.

Okay, you might not have been around.

It's kind of like there's an ongoing joke, okay, just real quick.

Quick, back in the 70s, okay, dudes, kids, children are right out there.

Long time ago, back in the 70s, before the 80s.

Your parents were born.

You know, maybe into the 80s.

Okay, girls did not shave that shit, okay, man?

You pulled that freaking panty down, and, man, you had this, like, bush, man.

It looked like a freaking hornet's nest.

Boy, man, you get that fucker all excited, man.

And then some bitch come out and sting you.

It's a kind of a hornet's nest.

So do you have your pubes braided down to your knees?

Oh, hell, yeah.

Yeah, you got one going on the other side.

That's a really neat thing, man, because once you got that damn hornet's nest all excited,

besides stinging you, it starts to scrape it on you like a damn Brilla pad.

Man, that action right there is enough to bring you to your knees, man.

I mean, you know.

And so is all the chlamydia you licked up.

Yeah, you ain't working that thing, keeping it going, keeping it going steady, man.

You're going to be crying out in pain because, man, by the next morning, you know,

your shit's going to be tore up.

I love it when he's happy.

Yeah, he's remembering what he used to get laid in the 70s.

Oh, my God, dude.

I'm telling you, man, it's nothing like it is now.

Man, it's all pretty and TV and all that shit,

and all that happy-go-lucky candy-looking pussy out there,

but, damn, that was the real stuff, kids.

So you're saying 70s pussy was realer and dangerous.

Well, now, here's the thing.

Okay, you know, here's the difference, Andy.

You've got to remember, AIDS wasn't invented until the 80s.

They say it was discovered.

I say it was invented.

When did you invent that?

I didn't invent it.

Some fucking idiot out there fucking invented it to be a plague on fucking mankind.

He probably has a cure.

We should find him before he dies.

He probably has a cure if he invented it.

Now, hell, if I had a fucking cure, if I had fucking invented it,

I would have shot my fucking self because I think that's fucking deplorable, man.

Man, sex is wonderful, dude.

Sex is a fucking gift, you know?

Why in the hell should people die for a fucking gift of happiness?

You know, that's the whole fucking thing now.

It's changed.

All of it's changed.

Oh, my God, if I have sex, somehow I'm going to die.

Oh, God, we've got to stay together forever, baby.

You know, I don't care if you're fucking, you know, beat the hell out of me.

Just love me, you know?

Come on, man.

That shit's ridiculous.

I'm going to have a sister with HIV.

you're saying you got a lot of

staying on the hang low in the 70s

but that's dried up

oh no no no

I'm just selective now

I wouldn't fucking go out and poke

anybody because some of them

bitches out there have been laid up

with some sicko

freaks

I don't know if it's possible with a guy who has hair down his knees

to get laid anymore

that's where I

that's the social experiment I want to see

you don't got a clue dude no when these girls see my hair dude i mean i've got them i've got

them pulling my hair i gotta wrap it around i gotta tie it you know a tighter ass down with

this shit and no dude man the hair is a plus dude i i look like i would look a lot younger

probably didn't even you man you guys do you ever put your hair up like in a giant princess leia bun

That's what I want to say.

No, but I ought to sometimes for fucking giggles, man.

No, but I have.

The worst I ever had was I had two braids, two long braids, and I went down.

You look like a Viking probably, right?

I didn't have any long stocking or nothing.

I hadn't been in any style.

I used to have it as a girlfriend.

She was a Cherokee, and she used to fix my hair and do it all in Cherokee styles,

and she would braid my hair and all that shit.

She had it done one time with two of them, and I said,

I don't like that.

Let's go back to one.

And then what happened?

What happened?

Well, I took her in and I broke the freaking bed down, man.

Wow.

That's what the hell always happens.

Do you ever comb your hair forward and pretend you're Cousin It?

No, but I have done it before just to freak people out because most people don't realize

that I have a long hair.

I don't know that you really have to do that to freak people out, Millman.

No, I take my long hair and I put it inside my coveralls for work.

No one knows I have long hair.

Oh, okay.

You didn't know it.

You got to tuck in.

Unless you paid attention.

All right, hang on.

We got a special call.

We haven't had this guy for a while.

Hello?

Who is it?

It's KDK.

Let me get this right.

Hang on here.

Matt, how's it ready?

You're on the air.

Hi.

Hey, how you doing there, buddy?

What the hell?

You got burned.

I got burned.

Well, KDK's shooting me.

I didn't hang up on KDK, if anybody's wondering.

Hang on.

Well, KDK didn't call in, did he?

No, he did.

That's his name on the color ID.

Oh, he did?

Yeah, he did.

He's the KDK saying he hung up on you.

He said, hi.

Oh, no.

Call back in.

I didn't hang up on you, dude.

Call back, KDK.

Damn it.

I didn't know that was you, Colin.

I got a bunch of fucking numbers here we can do still.

Nothing zapped you.

Yeah.

I got Colin.

Yeah, man.

I did.

I put the old cookadash on him.

Man, it's all my damn fault, boy.

That was weird how it hung up like that.

I don't know.

I don't know what happened right there.

That was weird.

Well, hell, I want KDK to call in, man.

Damn, what?

Her benevolent dinner?

I'm trying to do this again.

Hang on.

You must call in Master Prank, not Prank Master, Master of Legendary Pranks.

Yeah, hang on.

Let me try to, I think I figured out what it was.

Reactivate your 800 number.

Yes, I just did.

I just reactivated it.

There you go.

KDK, try to call in again.

It might have been just a girl.

No one call in but KDK now, please.

That was weird, yeah.

He said hi, and then we lost him.

I don't know what happened.

All right, well, KDK, try again.

I didn't touch anything.

He's trying to call in his hunter with the crickets playing in the background.

Well, thank you for ruining it.

I don't know what happened.

Well, thank you for ruining it.

So what?

We don't like Hunter now?

I don't have any beef.

Hunter's a little faggot.

Here's my thing.

I don't know.

I don't listen to Hunter.

So I don't know.

Everybody hates him.

I don't know why everybody hates the kid.

He's a punk bitch.

Listen, man.

I go with the mob.

I'm probably one of the most harsh people in this place, man.

I can put up with most any of the bullshit.

I'm telling you, man.

I've never been able to sit through a whole hour of Mondays.

I've tried.

I've tried, I've tried, and it just ain't hitting on any cylinders with me.

Seems like a lot of people have that, you know, that opinion, you know,

I'm just, you know, whatever, KDK is the man.

Yeah.

And if KDK wants to support him, then, you know, I will try my best.

But honestly, I've never sat through a whole more than an hour,

maybe two tops, and I couldn't finish.

There's someone better than him, though, man.

We're lucky we have you and not him.

That's nice to say.

Okay.

Well, I'll tell you what, if I actually had me doing it, you know, I would call.

I would do calls.

I would act crazy.

I would just sit there, you know, making screaming and, you know, just going.

Because that's what he's doing, screaming and yelling.

Yeah, and then like, you know, I just sit here and listen to it over and over.

It must have rang like 300 times, you know, that.

Somebody took the WAV file from Skype, the ringing, and just played it over and over and over.

But answering the phone lines and all, I heard, oh, my God, man.

I was like, you know, shut that shit off.

That's a moron.

Yeah, I agree with you.

Yeah, he is.

You hate that kid, huh, man?

man. Nah, I don't hate anybody

except Prankmaster. I want to put him in a figure

four leg lock until he screams.

Until he says, no, he sounds

really goofy, dumb.

We talked to him. We did, yeah.

I should play that interview. I don't have it. We talked

to him about some dumb shit.

He said, no, he's a virgin

and he said a bunch of weird shit.

Wasn't he saying he doesn't drink? Who, Prankmaster did?

No. Hunter. Hunter.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, he said a bunch of dumb shit.

I don't know. I don't know.

You can't call in, dammit.

Call in.

He said, no man.

Hey, Dave.

Hang on.

Who's that?

Dave.

Hey, Dave.

Hey.

How you doing?

It's not Dave, it's Hunter.

Hunter.

Hey, how you doing, Hunter?

You guys better stop talking shit about me.

Whatever.

Why do people hate you, Hunter?

I want to request an emo song.

Okay, well.

I want to request a song called I Left My Vagina in High School.

You left your vagina?

See, it would have been funnier if Milkman didn't give the joke away on the air.

I was like, yeah, man, KDK was going to get us.

He's going to get us.

Hey, everybody, it's a surprise.

KDK is going to call in with Hunter and the Crickets.

Hey, that's his band name.

I read the chat room, man.

I'm sorry.

I'm going to make him a new logo, Hunter and the Crickets.

Hunter and the Crickets.

This is Hunter with a bunch of crickets hanging out.

Like Eddie and the Cruises.

Hunter and the Crickets.

There you go.

So what's up, man?

How have you been?

I'm fabulous.

Wonderful.

I'm on beer number six, and I'm ready to do some prank calls.

You got some numbers?

I want beer one, one, two, three, four.

I want a fifth beer, actually.

Well, I would be on the sixth, but I decided not to.

Hey, you know what?

Hey, what?

Because I'm calling in, I can actually use sound boards tonight.

Oh, really?

I want to make a sound board with sound effects for the show,

but I don't know how to make sound boards yet.

I'm working on that.

There's one for me right there.

It's not very hard.

I can send you a tutorial made by Drew from Monkey Tone that explains it pretty well.

Oh, nice.

Is that the one?

I think I've seen that one.

Yeah, I think.

Yeah, I know which one you're talking about.

I'm going to try that this weekend.

That's the one that I learned from.

Yeah, well, that's my pet project for this weekend is to make a soundboard for the Madhouse.

That would be cool.

All you really need, since you're on the air, is just, it's only for your use, right?

So just make a folder with all your sound effects, duh.

Well, no, because it's weird because then I have to get the player and this and that.

I think if I could just hit a button and it plays, that would be perfect, I think.

Well, you could open them in a different player than Winamp, like Windows Media or something.

Yeah, true.

There it is.

Okay, well, hey, you want to try, we got the Razzle Dazzle Limousine Service, blah.

I don't know about that one.

We've got Calendar Marie Pie Shops.

A hot-sounding woman named Kirby in her early 20s answered.

That's Lonesome Losers getting really specific with these descriptions now.

A hot-sounding girl in her 20s.

Sounds like he really is lonesome.

I think he is, yeah.

I think he's like, I don't know, he's like a psychic almost now.

It's almost weird.

Yeah, yeah.

We know what happens before he gives us a number.

He could be talking to her for an hour and know her whole life story.

You're right.

There it is.

You are right.

Okay, you want to try that?

calendar marie pie shops

give me an old person

because you know

i hate the old people

okay well

you hate the old people

there you go

that's right

i hate the elderly

hang on

i got a whole bunch

of black people

black guys

black people work too

they're stupid too

aunt rosalie's

but this is in

yeah what time is it

in la now

942

these restaurants are closed

um

oh fuck it

call long dong

long dong

are you online

i mean

i know you're online

but

um

yeah

let me send you

long dong's number

through the chat room

hang on a second

I can't believe everybody on PCU doesn't already have this number.

I do.

Hasn't everybody called him?

I'm pretty sure I do.

I think you might probably have it if I find it here.

I have it right here.

I'm going to send it to you in a moment.

In several moments.

Yes!

In several moments.

Right.

Do you know where that comes from?

No.

That comes from the Jerky Boy's flower lady call, where he says,

if you want to speak to Jack, you first need to speak to Mr. Scott.

And Mr. Jack will be here in several moments.

He went out to get a bottle of schmaltz.

I haven't heard that.

You know, I've heard good things about those,

But those are the Masaja tapes, aren't they?

Aren't they like a special one or something like that?

No, no, no, no, it's from the Jerky Tapes.

Oh, the Jerky Tapes, okay.

There's a difference between the two.

It's really, really old stuff from before they got their first album deal,

and they finally got the rights, you know, from the flower lady

to get permission to release the CD with her on it.

Okay, all right, so that's okay.

And it's like 30 or 40 minutes of calls to her or from her.

Well, I heard an interview.

He called the local radio station here, and they were interviewing him,

and he said that

not him

what's that guy

that's the guy's name

not Kamal

is it Kamal

whatever the guy

Johnny

you got Joe Brennan

and you got

Joey Kamal

they're both named

Joe I think

yeah well Brennan

that's the guy

Joe Brennan

and Johnny Kamal

or something

Kamal only does

all he does

is the Arab dude

right that's all he does

is Tarbash

he does

he does the Egyptian magician

and he does Kissel

and Kissel

okay alright

well the guy who does

Frank Risenau

he called in

he said that that lady

they went to her apartment

to get the permission

and she got so upset

when she figured out

it was them

that she was, like, chasing him around and stuff.

It was hilarious.

It was an hilarious interview.

I remember that.

That was, like, three years ago.

That was on Drew Garoppolo.

I hate that guy.

I read an interview where he was talking about it,

and she was calling because he was at his agent's house for the day,

and his agent really was getting married,

and they really did have a flower arrangement.

Oh, okay.

So she was asking for Mr. Harry Getzoff,

but that's the guy's real name.

It is real name.

Or so he claims.

Okay.

His real name was Getzoff.

Okay.

But they were just having fun while he was out.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Yeah, I've got to get those.

If you have those, send them to me or something.

I don't know.

Of course I have them.

We also have 10 hours of new content donated by Ted, formerly of P-Unit.

Who would have thought?

Including those calls you were liking so much last night with Mike the Deadbeat.

I love that shit.

Yeah, that was great, man.

You played two of them that I heard last night.

Those were great, man.

I love that shit.

I love harassing bill callers because I get those too.

Not because I don't have the money, but because I'm lazy.

It's sort of like a reminder.

Oh, I got to pay like when they start calling like oh, I got to pay because I do the phone pay for like the the car

Payment yeah, but you always end up. I've never mailed out a check for my car payment

I always do it over the phone, and I always never do it until they start calling

I don't keep calling like a couple days after you already pay

Yeah, I'm gonna fuck with them. Yeah, cuz at that point you've already paid. Oh, okay

Hey, what solution also sent those numbers for old people here?

We got a patsy elmo awesome lonesome losers on the ball. Yeah, he is patsy elmo the other day

they called. I'm down to like my last car

payment for the car and they were

calling and the

woman's like, she was like threatening

me. She was like, okay, we've started

proceedings to repossess your car

and I said, yeah, I've already tried to call

and pay but you changed the phone service

so now I need you to give me the account number

because now for some reason I've got to punch that in

every time I call and try to make a payment.

Oh, does it come in automatically then or whatever?

I was trying to get her to give me

the account number and she keeps going on and on

threatening me and I kept stopping her and going

going, again, what's that account number?

Yeah, I just want to pay.

And she got so fucking pissed off.

Then she finally gives me the account number,

and she's, like, rambling on, and I was like,

okay, I'll go do that right now.

And she was like, even when I'm hanging the phone up,

I hear, wait a minute, Mr. Caron, hang up.

Don't hang up.

Yeah, yeah.

Those collectors, you know, because they make a commission.

If you would have made the payment with her right there,

Oh, really?

Yeah, she probably would have gotten some commission points.

Yeah, that's probably what it was.

She's trying to keep you there to get you to pay it yourself.

Like, you know, pay with her.

What they usually do is they inform you

that this was an attempt to collect the debt because they're recording.

Yeah, exactly.

And she didn't say at the beginning of the call that they were recording,

which they're required to do by law,

so they did an illegal thing recording me illegally.

Oh, really? Okay, yeah, that's true.

And have you ever done the thing where a bill collector calls

and says, I'm recording you for quality control purposes,

and you tell them, stop recording?

Right.

That really throws them for a loop.

Yeah, well, they usually...

I say, not only do you not have my permission to record me,

but you've been recording me before you even asked,

so now I want you to go back and erase it.

Delete it. Yeah, exactly.

Give them shit like, oh...

That really throws them for a loop.

They don't know what the hell to do.

They make a commission for that just in the future.

If you want to help somebody out, if you're going to pay it anyway,

just throw them a few bucks, you know what I mean?

Oh, fuck that.

Yeah, fucking asshole.

She can suck a fart out of my asshole.

There's her commission.

There you go.

She can burp it into a bag and sell it on eBay.

Nice.

KDK's regurgitated fart.

Okay.

Okay, go.

Look that up on eBay.

How much does that go for?

Okay, let me see.

Waiting to start set, five cents.

Okay, long dong there.

This will be quick. It's always funny, but quick to call Long Dong here.

Yeah, I know. It's always a good, like, sideline. It's a good bumper.

It is. All right, hang on.

It's a warm-up.

Here comes KDK with a Long Dong friend.

Long Dong.

Long.

Imagine keeping him on for that long.

I know.

Just going to use his own words against him.

Machine again. Maybe my message is still up there.

KDK keeps hacking his machine.

He never has any new messages.

No, it's not.

Poor old guy. Nobody wants to talk to him.

Okay.

What happened?

What the heck?

Ooh, he hung up!

How'd he do that?

I was hitting 2-2-2 to go through where I can change his message and, uh, something happened. Something went wrong.

Yeah, I don't know what that was about.

Please enter your destination number now.

Wanna try him again?

Yeah, try him again.

Alright, hang on.

3 hours, 18 minutes, 29 seconds.

I think I did that pretty quickly.

Yeah.

Aww.

Aww, dammit!

Now he took the fucking phone off the hook.

Geez.

Figured out how to get us. Not bad.

He's getting wise to us now.

No, it's the God.

Did you hear him trying to speak, like, English there, though, in that message?

It's like, hello, I am not here.

I'm not available now.

I've been taking Berlitz classes now, apparently, he has.

Okay, we got Patsy Elmo, the old lady, the old guy.

Well, you ever notice every time I change his message, he changes it back to the same message.

He's got a script right there, probably.

Yeah, it sounds like he does.

He's got like a script or maybe like a prerecorded thing.

He just like plays into the phone or something.

That's so weird, yeah.

My crazy long door, man.

He will never change his phone number either.

I bet you it's too cheap to probably do it.

That's probably what it is or something.

I don't know.

Well, if you've done it before, I know because I've done it before.

Like, when I first started, I used to get a lot of prank calls, so I've changed my number, like, twice.

Right.

When you do it the second time, when you do it more than once, they charge you, like, 70 bucks for a new unlisted phone number.

Oh, crap.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

Yeah, so it's probably, you know, crazy.

All right.

Too cheap.

Okay, so we got an old black lady, we got an old lady, or we got an old guy?

Give me the old black lady.

Old black lady.

That'll be 500, Alex.

This is, uh, in Louisiana, Gertrude Loveless.

What's wrong with that?

Okay, okay, I'm gonna get a date with Gertrude.

Alright, hang on everybody.

I'm gonna see if I can get a date with Gertrude.

There you go, good luck with that.

If I can get a date.

Alright.

I'm ready to kill.

Maybe.

Jill wants a lesbian date with Gertrude.

Sure.

Looking for Gertrude, please.

My wife is asleep.

Your wife?

Well, what is she doing online giving me your phone number and saying,

call at one in the morning?

Oh, damn it.

Fuck that.

He says my wife, like he knows right away it's another man trying to move in on his woman

Yeah, he's beating up his wife right now

Bitch

I'm going to do a Gladys Richford soundboard call

So you pick the person and I'll do Gladys to them

Okay, Patsy Elmo, we can try her

I haven't done Gladys in a long time, so I hope you're recording

Alright, here goes Patsy

Patsy

Is that too loud?

That's fine

Who are you?

Sorry.

I think you got the wrong number.

See, the problem is, I'm not remembering where the buttons are.

I need to take a minute to remember where my buttons are,

because I haven't used this board in so fucking long.

I'm sitting there trying to find those numbers on my caller ID, and I can't find it.

That was funny.

That sounded like one of those pink guys.

Please enter your destination number now.

Want to try one more? Bill Muff?

Yeah, dial somebody real quick, and I'm looking for the numbers I need.

And hand service will allow you to talk for three hours, eight minutes, twenty-nine seconds.

My name's Gladys.

Hello, who is this?

Gladys.

You have, please don't call this number again.

Hello, this number's on my caller ID.

Pits her up already.

She's gone already?

Yeah.

She's like, please don't call back, like right away.

Yeah, poor Gladys, man.

Somebody give Gladys a chance.

Nobody respects Gladys.

I guess not.

Hang on, let me clear the line here.

Okay, okay, we're going to call at night.

It's one o'clock.

You're calling it a night?

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm sorry I brought your show down.

You didn't, no.

No, no, no, it's not that.

No, man.

Well, the numbers did go up, so I can't blame myself.

Did they really?

Yeah, they did.

Oh, wonderful.

You're right.

Gladys is enthused, too.

So, the audio problems tonight, apparently, what was it?

Was it over-modulated, and then that was under-modulated?

No, it was weird when Zola was on.

Yeah.

You ever hear the scream reader where it sounds, like, fast?

Yeah.

I was doing that.

That's what Zola was doing.

Uh-huh.

And then you're playing, like, Milkman is cutting out like always.

If Milkman's not cutting out, it sounds like he's talking through a tin can.

Exactly.

Yeah, that's right.

And he agrees.

That's fine.

And then you're playing the music too low.

It's been an overall, like, a bad audio night.

Yeah, it's been a bad audio night.

Can people even hear me right now?

Yeah.

Oh, my head.

Yeah, you sound fine.

Yeah, you're being listened to by, like, six people on that other station right now.

He was at, like, 30 listeners when I first started.

He's down to four.

You're down to six?

He's down to six.

You killed all his listeners.

Yeah, I killed all his listeners.

I fucked them over.

So much for this.

This is great.

See, the whole prank call show thing doesn't work unless it's, like, in the context of a prank call network.

Exactly.

You got a point.

So you're on, which I would definitely love to give you a plug here.

You're on Saturday night and Wednesday night, right?

You're on this Saturday.

I don't know when I'm on.

Anything special planned for this Saturday?

Who lives in a PC who doesn't know when the hell I'm on right now?

You're right.

That's right.

How rude of me.

But nothing special.

I mean, everybody here has something special planned.

When Lego comes in, he talks for like an hour about something special.

I'll be masturbating on the air.

Good.

All right.

There you go.

All right.

Using egg whites this time?

Somebody can call in and talk dirty, and he'll masturbate on the air right now.

Okay.

Praise Satan.

All right.

Do you think the dick gets as drunk as often as he really does, or do you think that's

all a farce?

Oh, my God.

We're glad this guy's sick.

Do you want to do a conversation with Gladys?

We can try that.

We can try.

I myself don't really want to talk to her.

Hello.

Hi, Gladys.

How you doing?

Gladys has a beautiful name.

Gladys.

Yeah.

I know your name is Gwaii.

That's a beautiful name.

Is there a thing?

You know, I fucked up because I don't remember this board enough to do this.

Knock yourself in the head or something, you.

I'm losing my best friend.

Who is it?

That's Blackout, right?

Yeah, that's Blackout.

He's on right now, actually.

Is he really?

That's what Blackout's doing.

He's got 15 people.

Oh, wow.

Look at that.

Well, I'm still kicking his ass, though.

There it is.

He's finally back.

Then he had some issues or something going on.

I don't know.

That guy has always got something going on with him.

You're taking Blackout's ass.

Yeah, good.

Go in the air.

I should call Blackout tonight.

Well, no, I'll call him up here.

Yeah, call up Blackout.

Right now?

Oh, God, I don't know his number.

Yeah, I'll give you the number.

You got it?

Okay, do it.

You want me to read it out over the air or send it through the chat room?

I'll send it through the chat room.

Okay, all right, cool.

We'll do that.

954-796-

Call him up to Gladys.

Has anybody-

Oh, fuck, I fucked up.

Yeah, don't dial that yet.

Should I send him on beer number six?

Yeah.

Call him up to Gladys on board.

See what he does.

There you go.

All right.

Okay, that's the right number.

Okay.

That's the one that he's got in the shoutcast.

Okay, you're going to do that?

You're going to do the soundboard with him?

I was going to do Gladys with him, yeah, if I can.

Oh, hell yeah.

Oh, that's horrible.

Come here, we can.

Well, we can do that.

Hang on, KDK.

Here comes Blackout, the competition.

We're giving the competition content.

We're sticking up their ass.

Cool.

Can you stop the line for three hours, seven minutes, 29 seconds?

Sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.

Oh, really?

If you do, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.

Pay his damn bill.

Nobody calls him, so his number is disconnected.

Okay, well, fucking never mind.

He didn't pay his damn bill.

Yeah, well, he just, I don't know.

Wasn't he on the streets or something like that?

I don't know.

Something just happened with that kid.

As far as I know, he's living in his fucking car, broadcasting from internet cafes, Wi-Fi

connections from a laptop.

Really?

How easy.

That's crazy.

That's funny.

I'm going to go fuck with him.

I always love fucking with him.

It's so funny.

Have you heard the Luis Garcia, did I tell you the story of the Luis Garcia voice, the one that's all Mexican, like, yo, what's up, man?

Yeah, yeah.

The first time I ever did that, I called him, his house burned down like in 96 or something like that, I found out a long time ago.

So I called him once, and I said, yo, you remember when your house burned down?

And he's like, yeah.

I was like, yo, that was funny, yo.

He got pissed off, and he's like, that wasn't funny, that really happened.

He kicked me out of the chat room, and he pissed me off.

And ever since then, I claimed a vendetta against him, and here I am now.

See, I could always tell you were a Blackout listener from the time you first contacted me.

Yeah.

Because you always knew, like, the inside skinny on Blackout.

Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was never really into him, but I just followed his career.

I remember once I had to chastise you for perverting him while you were on the air.

And I was like, dude, that's not smart, like, talking about the show that's on against you.

Yeah, man, I still beat him, though.

Yeah, for, like, two years.

But you're about to go off anyway.

Yeah, exactly.

Well, there it is.

Everybody go listen to Blackout.

Give him a thrill.

Like, tune over to him, like, right now, and then, like, five minutes later, tune out.

Tune out, exactly.

And he'll be like, what happened?

Did I suck that?

It's like a joke from Paul Poundstone.

Let's all go into a Smiler store and look at some frozen foods, and one at a time, go up and buy a Slim Jim.

Really?

Okay.

All right.

And then really throw off your inventory, and next week at about that time, a whole big truckload of Slim Jims will be pulling in.

For nothing, because we won't go back.

There it is.

All right.

All right, Kenny King.

Okay, peace out.

Let me let you go.

Thank you, man.

Peace out there.

Bye.

That's it for me

Because I'm tired

The legendary prankster

KDK

A little applause for KDK there

A lot of applause

What announcements do we have

Milkman run through the announcements real quick

While I get ready to do the schedule for the network

Well I tell you what

I would like to say thank you very much

Especially to our guest caller tonight

Our honored guest KDK

Our sponsor

sir i have been waiting so long you don't know how long i have been waiting to hear that somebody's

always said as this gladys said and i've never actually now i got it man now i recognize thanks

so much thank you to our wonderful boxing our boxing champion there madman who provides our

wonderful irc server here in a wonderful place to box each other around and go away laughing

and also uh to dr leg who provides us our voice thank you so much for all you do and calling in

And we definitely are going to be tuned for tomorrow night's episode of Mental Discrepancies featuring Dr. Lego.

Right.

Who knows?

Also, I'd like to thank KDK.

He is our benevolent sponsor, and he's the man that makes this all possible and came up with the great idea of PCU.

And we all owe him a big thank you and a blessing for all he's done to provide for all of us rank amateurs.

No, anyway.

Thanks a lot, KDK.

Also, I'd like to give a shout-out to Ellie McGill.

Thank you.

Love you.

And I'm sorry you're not feeling well.

But we're always thinking about you.

And to you, PCU, our listeners, man, it's all about you.

This is why we do it, man, because all you guys out there are tuning in and listening.

And it's all fun, man.

We have fun.

And you're in here having fun with us, man.

Thank you so much.

Back to you, Carlito and Andrew.

Back to you in the studio.

Okay.

Well, everybody, I'd like to give a thank you to everybody who called in.

We had KDK, of course.

It was Brandon Vegas, Dr. Lego, and Zola called in today.

That was great.

KDK didn't suck.

He did actually well.

He did very well.

He did very good.

I wish he would have did another one, man.

He called in and did some more.

Yeah, don't be so hard on yourself, KDK.

You did great, man.

You didn't bring the show down.

It's 1 o'clock.

I've got to get to sleep.

I've got to work tomorrow.

I've got to be up at 6 in the morning.

Oh, shit.

I've got to get up.

I've got to get up tomorrow.

Anyway, yeah, you want to listen on to PC Radio here.

Monday nights at 10 o'clock Eastern is that guy Hunter, right?

Yeah, he sucks.

I guess he sucks.

I haven't listened to the show, but

usually I go around

with the crowd.

I turn on my socks so I can get

a good night's sleep.

The Cure for Insomnia is Monday nights

at 10 p.m. Eastern here on PC.

You shouldn't trust him around your children.

We love you.

K-Bone is on Tuesday nights

at 10 p.m. with Crazy Talk.

Wednesday nights is Psychobabble

with KDK, the non-prank call show.

That is one of my favorites.

He plays prank calls.

He doesn't do live prank calls, but it's a good show.

It's all about drama, dude.

It's about surprise.

That's the whole concept.

Everybody's like, oh, you don't need to do calls, man.

That's the night where he just gets crazy and puts on a big buzz and gets all the drama

going, man.

If you want to catch some funny nights, don't miss Wednesdays.

I never miss Wednesdays.

There you go.

Good.

Wednesday, good.

Okay, Friday nights, as we said before, Dr. Lego will be on at 8 o'clock.

Dr. Lego with his mental discrepancy show

and 10pm Zolar Vision

Saturday nights at 8 o'clock

you start off with

Joop and his show The Monkey Phone Retard Night

at 8pm Eastern followed by

KDK's Lunatic Fringe at 10pm

and Sunday nights you have

a 9pm show

Sean Ward's Peanut Punch Radio

that's 9pm Eastern

and then of course every Thursday night we are here at

10pm-ish

10pm Eastern Thursday nights The Madhouse

and there it is that completes

completes the deal.

All right.

Well, Milkman, thank you very much.

And Andy, of course, thank you for being here.

Yeah, no problem.

All right.

Yay, Andy.

Yay for Andy.

All right.

Well, that's it for the night.

Anything else that I should think of?

Then I think we pretty much wrapped everything up then, right?

Yep.

Hell yeah, man.

Thanks a lot, everybody, man, for tuning in.

It's been a blast.

Okay.

I guess, as I say, where's the fucking song?

Why is it not playing now?

God damn it.

Here we go.

Okay.

There you go.

Good night everybody

Milkman take care of yourself

Alright bro

I'm gonna give you a call man

I need to talk to you man

Okay

Give me a call

So pick up the phone

Alright

I lied

i got your dirty laundry i got your dirty laundry over here

on my face

You like listening to me on the phone?

Calling me from blocked numbers.

I ain't no blocked number.

What you need to do is hang up.

I heard your whole conversation.

Don't make me call the police.

Who called the police then?

Yeah, you know what's up.

Yeah, it's not you.

I'm going to blackmail you.

Oh, I'm so scared.

A turkey-ass motherfucker?

What's your problem now?

Jive turkey, you bitch.

You didn't hear, boy.

You jive turkey motherfucker.

Who, who, who's speaking to Sean?

What do you know?

Man, you can show me a picture.

I'm about to come whoop some motherfucker's ass

because I don't even know who the fuck you're talking about.

How much are you going to charge, you guys?

I'm going to pick somebody up over here to attack the staff.

Man, this ain't no motherfucking task at all.

I'm going to come fucking pick somebody up.

I'm going to whoop this goddamn ass.

I kicked your ass and shot a little bitch in your goddamn mother.

What?

Your mother.

You motherfucking nigga, how you like that, you piece of shit?

I'm not a fucking nigga, you son of a bitch.

You nigga, motherfucker.

She's probably a nigga, man.

What?

Man, I'm a motherfucking bitch that pried a goddamn phone.

It's your white man that don't want to hear from no goddamn niggers calling me in the fucking middle of the night.

Listen, listen, boy.

Listen, boy.

I'll show you a boy with a 12-gauge shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen cracker, listen here cracker, listen here cracker, I'll show you some fucking three

letter motherfuckers, I'll see you here, I'll see you here, are you Michael Frazier?

Man, this ain't Michael Frazier man, this motherfucker's a white man.

Look, let me just ask you real quick, first of all, why don't you shut the hell, why don't

Dip a wing in your pocket and run it up to me?

Yeah, but I'm only one over here.

I cannot drop a chicken on you.

We would give you a couple hundred dollars, though.

Even though, guys.

You ready?

I wish I was the governor.

Just pretend I'm sitting on you, okay?

No problem?

Okay.

I don't got to go.

Ah!

Yeah.

Oh, I got to go.

Please do wash your hands.

Yeah.

What kind of life do you have where you have to do this stuff?

This is a very interesting radio you have.

very interesting radio thing if you have that you know because like that's um it just shows me that

you have like nothing going no i got plenty this is what we do man i do this all the time i get

lots of what you do like you know what i mean talk stupid yeah yeah your family huh people

actually listen to this shit people everybody loves this shit oh hey not everybody because

anybody with a half a brain that i know don't anybody have a brain would listen to this show

instead of eating your shitty ass pizza how old are you 13 yeah fucking right you sound like

You're fucking 18 or 19

13, I said

Yeah, right

Yes, I was born 13 years ago

Last Friday

I'm hanging up

And you better not call

Do you have stripes in your underwear?

Stripes in your underwear

You are a sick fuck

Come on, let me talk to your sister, man

Be a pal

No!

Have you ever seen your sister naked?

No!

Calls (27, 54 min of 3 h 4 min)

Transcript

Comments 0