Saint Patrick’s Day

Today is Thursday.

Hello, my child. How are you?

I'm lovely.

Great. Look there. My name is Father McWhorters,

and I'm visiting here in the Salt Lake area in the diocese.

And I wanted to know, now that I'm here, I've understood here in America,

you can get married now with the young boys.

And I have my altar boy. He goes everywhere with me for the last five years.

His name is Matthew, and we want to see if we can get married.

Hello?

Yes, hello.

Hello. This is Father McQuarters, and I'm visiting America with the Salt Lake City Catholic Diocese.

And I'm here with my altar boy, Matthew. Hello. Are you there, Matthew?

Hello. Hello. I'm 12 years old. I sing in the choir.

If you don't get a wedding license, we'll marry you.

Well, where can we get the wedding license? Do you sell them there?

You need to go to the clerk's office.

Where is that?

Well, I don't know how to get there. Can you possibly... I go there, and we go out together.

Fine, then you can come tomorrow at 10 in the morning when we're there.

Okay.

We'll take you over there.

Now, for the service, he wants to wear the little sailor outfit.

Do you have anything like that in the size for an 11-year-old boy?

Sure.

Yes.

Oh, I don't know.

Let me have you talk to our costume designer.

Oh, excellent.

Hello?

Hello.

Costume design?

Oh, first of all, who is this?

This is Father McQuarters.

I'm from Scotland, and I'm visiting.

I'm here with my altar boy, and we just checked in here into the Salt Lake Diocese, the Catholic Church.

And we understand that in America you cannot get married now,

and we'd like to know if possible we can get married.

He would like to wear the Sailor Boy outfit.

You want to marry an altar boy?

Yes.

Well, give me your name so I can call the police,

because that's illegal here to try to marry a chain-seq or a child.

I saw that John Kerry said it was legal, a civil union.

Well, I don't care what John Kerry said.

It's not illegal.

legal? But I'm not, it is, it is illegal. If you marry an altar boy, you're going to get locked up,

so give me your name again. Well, we're not married yet, you know. Well, you're not going

to get married at our chapel, sir, because we don't do that. Do you know anywhere that

Matt is met? I don't have, I don't have no idea, sir. You called the wrong number, and if you call

back, I want to get this call traced. Oh, yes. Police on you. My God, my child, no, look,

Okay, it's very fine, my child.

Are you Kathleen?

Matthew, are they there?

They want to talk to you, Matthew.

Matthew, talk to them.

I'm Marsley, actually.

Marsley?

Hello?

The following is an exclusive of PCU Radio and Madhouse5.com.

Hello, my child.

How are you?

I'm lovely.

Great.

Look there.

My name is Father Waters, and I'm visiting here in the Salt Lake area in the diocese.

And I wanted to know, now that I'm here, I've understood here in America, you can get married now with the young boys.

And I have my altar boy. He goes everywhere with me for the last five years.

His name is Matthew, and we want to see if we can get married.

Hello?

Yes, hello.

This is Father McQuarters, and I'm visiting America with the Salt Lake City Catholic Diocese.

And I'm here with my altar boy, Matthew. Hello? Are you there, Matthew?

Hello. Hello, I'm 12 years old. I sing in the choir.

If you don't get a wedding license, we'll marry you.

Well, where can we get the wedding license? Do you sell them there?

You need to go to the clerk's office.

Where is that?

Well, I'm not going to get there. Can you possibly let me go there and we go out together?

That's fine. Then you can come tomorrow at 10 in the morning when we're there.

Okay.

We'll take you over there.

Now, for the service, he wants to wear the little sailor outfit.

Do you have anything like that in the size for an 11-year-old boy?

Sure.

Yes.

Oh, I don't know.

Let me have you talk to our costume designer.

Oh, excellent.

Hello?

Costume design?

Oh, first of all, who is this?

This is Father McWhorters.

I'm from Scotland, and I'm visiting.

I'm here with my altar boy, and we just checked in here into the Salt Lake Diocese, the Catholic Church.

And we understand that in America you cannot get married now,

and we'd like to know if possible we can get married.

He would like to wear the sailor boy outfit.

And I can't...

You want to marry an altar boy?

Yes.

Okay, well, I'm going to give you your name so I can call the police

because that's illegal here to try to marry a chained sex or a child.

It's not.

I saw that John Kerry said it was legal, a civil union.

Well, I don't care what John Kerry said.

It's not illegal.

But I'm not.

It is.

If you marry an altar boy, you're going to get locked up.

So give me your name again.

Well, we're not married yet, you know.

Well, you're not going to get married at our chapel, sir, because we don't do that.

Do you know anywhere that Matt is met, man?

I don't have no idea, sir.

You called the wrong number, and if you call back, I want to get this call traced.

Oh, yes.

So I can get the police on you.

And I'll be on it.

If you want me, you can find me in the air.

I'm on it.

I got to be slow.

And I see this.

That's just the way it goes.

I'll be.

Why did you buy this album?

I don't know why you did, you're stupid

A selfie

Ha ha ha

Flow of more jokes than Bazooka Joe

A mix between Superfly, Snooker and a Superhole

True MC like L2 and E-Bray

Digest a group and sell the poop on eBay

Danger with the best scream and shoot the DJ

Panova, two chickens, three way

Four in the five

And find a way to make them pay whatever we say

Your intentions, I rotate but I hate your inventions

Very well, what you want a brownie?

He took off the mask and whispered his paper digits in a chunk

Once joined a rap clique, midgets hit the crunk

Did a solo on the oboe, sold a million, then the villain went for dolo

And cited creative differences, basically they hated, he left no witnesses

Or sucked, I doubt him, the crap they sing about, you wanna slap the f***

Time waits for no man, lover with a slow chrome

His shoes bury in a street, say inventions are true inventions

Took off the mask and whispered the chunk in the rap

What did you buy this album?

I don't know why you did, you're stupid

Selfie

Flow of more jokes than Bazooka Joe

A mix between a super fly snooker and a super hoe

To an MC like L2

Digest a group and sell the poop on eBay

Danger with the best green and shoot the DJ

Doom clicking over two chickens three way

Four in the five on the freeway

Villain find a way to make him pay whatever we say

Get your intentions

I really love your tape but I hate your inventions

Very well

What you wanna?

The master whispered

Once joined a rap clique

Crunk

Did a solo on the oboe

Could've sold a million then the villain went for dolo

Insighted creative differences, basically they hated, he left no jaded witnesses

Rappers suck when they spit, I doubt em The crap they sing about, you wanna slap the

f*** out em Witch finna on a blind date, a lover with

a slow point Air shoes, hot smelly brogan

Buzzin' with them pot-bellied conan Barbering back to here, make the beaters like

a swift kick In the rear end, the stiff f***er lose the

lipstick and hairpin He said, jam, act like you no man

Even with the mask on, show me what you're on man

Tell her brush her grill and wash her face, it's f*** at home man

What we have here is a failure to communicate

If you're gonna hate, might as least get your rumors straight

About doing it great, a lot more confident

Came a long way since the days we had to rhyme for rent

It was time well spent, vented, spelt, dented

Hell-bent it and heaven sent it

A wire is dead, he's in it for the cash flow

Like to send a big up to fire ahead, Lazo

Let a brother know once you laugh, they get a word in

And one of the damages to retain Harvey Birdman

Sheets, um, sofa, king

We'll be right back.

Knock. Mouse is a made man.

Villain laid it down like the best laid plan.

Bell the cat, who the hell is that near the middle?

Got y'all, but it's not all barren skittles.

Prepare the vittles.

Got riddles and spittles.

Crystal clear to the jot or the tittle.

It's hot off the griddle.

Came to take the cake whether it's a lot or little.

Kaboom. Doom is nervous large.

You can tell by his blooming room service charge.

Dark and tall to boot.

The only thing was wrong is he was bald as a coot.

Used to rent a van from Peter Pan to Red and Tan

And keep the human foot for his dead man's hand

This was when the mask was brand spanking new

Before it got rusted from drinking all the brew

To puke, kept all his earnings in the bank in a shoe

Spat what he knew, energy for true

To all fake rappers, 23 skidoo

Excuse you, any room in the class front?

For a blast of the blunt, Truman since last month

Doom a human in the mask, wanna stunt

Me in the ass just to wait, we

how we might fly away.

Straight up, pimp, if you want me, you can find me in the air.

Oh, and we ain't slaying that blow.

My blood's gonna don't be lacing up tonight.

That's why he put us on.

Shit, look, can we all be on that clear?

I'll be on it, I ain't straight up pimp

If you want me, you can find me in the

I'm on it, I'm on it

LZ, I smell dro all on you

Homes of hoes, of hobos, get away from this

Smoke don't go from trip, no cars, call the K9

Unit to the side of the road, let's take a

Holy shit, the only thing we riding dirty

Is this UDKC, we talk about it so

Clean like a flea, think I'm guilty, search that shit

We rob a string, we buy the selfie

It's that, I'll be on it, I'm on it

I'm on it, sunshine, sunshine, sunshine

Fuzzy bottle, discipline, 99

Face and touch your head off like you're free

That chases the white ghost

Taking on more fresh rhymes

Than brothers kick-hackin' sacks

But anyway

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Whole new day

Curious, ain't ya

Curious

My aunt Emma

She drowned in that boat on Labor Day

She had on a big white yellow hat

It was all yellow

Brand new

The hat was green

And she was two

Everybody's dead

When they built my kitchen

Come up right away

Reverend Coleman said

It was to punish her

For a fast wage

But he always talked like that anyway

That can't be contradicting

Tryin' to scare folks

To read his trade

Lord, what's that money

That's what my neighbor

Used to say

And Emma was always impractical

A cruise for me

But this is some cold air

So it was dark

Been out this way

Anyway

Safe and sound

We broke the 1120

Cross crunches

You're lonely

Whatever happened to the sun

Sugar on the way

Show black

And then a landlord's soul

Must've run all day

Yeah

Must've run all day

You have a bitch

Must've run all day

A cruise for me

Like some linebackers

We ramshacklers

They fuck with us

They end up on the blacklist

Rushed by tacklers

You ask a fat kiss to death

We on the street scene

The whole crew retrieved

Cause y'all ain't got no tricks up your sleeve

All we must run, punch it to a point

To where y'all can't even breathe

We'll make way for the unseen

Motogas, so much so

Niggas be like, yo

Ozzy, Motogas, so much so

Niggas always be like, yo

So like Fred Wesley

We know it's so close up in the spot

Hittin' press

We flyin' through your neighborhood at hyperspeed

I still travelin' off that hydro weed

Always keep my wings on deck, smokin' law

Never hittin' no coke, that's no joke

You know I don't poke needles in my veins

Goin' for broke, strictly haze for days

Travelin' higher

We'll be right back.

I always keep my wings on deck, smoking live

Never hittin' no coke, that's no joke

And y'all ain't no poke, neither's my veins, I don't be goin' for broke

Clear haze for days, travelin' higher

But petty people stand, wonder why I'm so wired

Cause we actually travelin', smokin' sticky dreams

Then we mental, over madness, the lentils

Pull out the water tool, got the water jewels on the level

Then all the negatives check up, we actually travelin'

Outro Music

People stand wondering why I'm so wired.

Because we are so traveling.

Smoking sticky dreams.

Then we mental.

Over mad live instrumentals.

Pull out the water tool.

Water jewels on the level.

Then all the negatives check them.

We are so traveling.

Why did you buy this album?

I don't know why you did.

You're stupid.

Selfie.

Super flow with more jokes than Bazooka Joe.

A mix between Superfly, Snooker, and the Superhole.

True MC like El Troop and E-Bray.

Digest a group and sell the poop on eBay

Danger with the vest clickin' over two chickens three-way

Four in the five, a cork on the freeway

Villain find a way to make him pay whatever we say

Get your intentions, I really love your tape

But I hate your inventions, very well

What you my brownie? He took off the mask and whispered

Put me where you found me

He kept his paper digits in a chunk

Once joined a rap clique, midgets into crunk

Did a solo on the oboe

Could've sold a million, then the villain went for dolo

Incited creative differences, basically they hated

He left no jaded witnesses

Rappers suck when they spit, I doubt them

The crap they sing about, you wanna slap the f*** out of them

Time waits for no man

On a blind date, a lover with a slow chrome hand

Judged him by his shoes, hot smelly brogan

Buzzing with the news, called him pot-bellied Conan

A prick barbarian, a strict baritarian

A sick pair of merry men

It's like a swift kick in the rear end

The stiff f***er lose the lipstick and hairpin

He said, jam, act like you know me

Even with the mask on, show me what you're on, man

Tell a brush a grill and wash a face of d***

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

If you're going to hate,

might as least get your rumors straight about doing a great,

a lot more confident came a long way since the days we had the rhyme for rent.

It was time well spent,

vented,

spelt,

dented,

hell bent it and heaven sent it.

A wire is dead.

He's in it for the cashflow.

Like to send a big up to fire ahead.

Lazzo,

let a brother know once you lasso Hasbro.

So when he come with Destro,

he gets no hassle.

Hardly get a word in.

And one of the damages to retain Harvey Birdman.

Yeah, my name is Brack and that's a fact I got a mom and a dad and they are out back

We sit by the pool and we nibble on snacks And we eat a big lunch and we all take naps

At the beach stop, hey!

So give me the mic!

Who are they? Who are they?

I can't even mouth, give me that

In the night time, we get shocked like When it's the right time, I run around town

Scoppin' old folks with butter knives No regards for nothin', we all up on the gutter like

The download, it's like a terrorist

Planning out the illest shit, but always keep it errorless

I'm like the bully that started out in the first grade

Picking out the chumps in class, that's when the nurse came

Sticking pencils in the hand of the principal

There's nothing you can tell me cause I'm feeling indispensable

Yo, it's the bad character, you know the routine

Smoking doge in the back of the church with rap too clean

Hey Willie, I'll never grow up

Chess, surely I just dress

Try and remember when

Maybe I'm the skin to be silly Gwendolyn

Tell a friend, word to El Moreto

Cucaracha, skeleton

He know, flow like interstellar wind Toa rap gin by his toe into hell again

You check me too, loose rec, see through your gooseneck EQ

Jack,

Jack

Rap these days is like a pain up a neck

Cornier and phonier than a play fight

Take two of these and don't phone me on a late night

Beat won't fail me with more rhymes than Tom's

He washes hands and feet daily

But Racine ain't cheap

Villain because of Teenage Creep

He always was a gentleman and kept a pen and a pencil in his mental den

Right there next to where the Rolodex was

Before it turned up all burnt by his solar plexus

He don't know his own strength

When he's on the bonus like the microphone's length and width

Ain't it funky like Timmy Socks?

Feel the full effect off cassette in your Pinsy box

His name's one of us, who is he?

Like, hope the conversation rich, but that depend on what you consider broke

I'd draw on anything for inspiration

A piece of paper, walls, and a train station

Just tell the old school like that

Like that

We ain't all acting to the corner

Rhyming in SNAP 10

There's one sub-

Insomniac

Like a Hong Kong phooey kick

Or a weekend afternoon karate movie flick

Slept with no justice, no peace

Woody kept his hoodie, never discussed it with police

Shot the bear when nobody ran to get the gal

Felt they had to put it up in their raft

Said in fact

Since when lyrical skills had to do with killing a cat

What type of chitlins is that?

The supervillain as the bat, hydrotonic

Whoever willing to ride, provide raw chronic

Just an old school like that

Roll that rap over stones like that

Just an old school like that

Hello my child, how are you?

I'm lovely

Great, look there

My name is Father McWhorters

And I'm visiting here in the Salt Lake area in the diocese

And I wanted to know, now that I'm here

I've understood here in America

You can get married now with the young boys

And I have my altar boy

He goes everywhere with me for the last five years.

His name is Matthew, and we want to see if we can get married.

Yes, hello.

This is Father McQuarters, and I'm visiting America with the Salt Lake City Catholic Diocese.

And I'm here with my altar boy, Matthew.

Hello.

Are you there, Matthew?

Hello.

Hello, I'm 12 years old.

I'm an Irish priest.

Choir.

That's Jew.

You don't get a wedding license?

Well, where can we get the wedding license?

Do you sell them there?

Where is that?

Can you possibly, I go there, and we go out together?

Fine, then you can come tomorrow at 10 in the morning when we're there.

Okay.

We'll take you over there.

Now, for the service, he wants to wear the little sailor outfit.

Do you have anything like that in the size for an 11-year-old boy?

Sure.

Yes.

Oh, I don't know.

Let me have you talk to our costume designer.

Oh, excellent.

Hello?

Hello.

Costume design?

Oh, first of all, who is this?

This is Father McQuarters.

I'm from Scotland, and I'm visiting.

Scotland.

I'm here with my altar boy, and we just checked in here into the Salt Lake Diocese, the Catholic Church.

And we understand that in America you cannot get married now,

and we'd like to know if possible we can get married.

He would like to wear the Sailor Boy outfit.

You want to marry an altar boy?

Yes.

Well, give me your name so I can call the police,

because that's illegal here to try to marry a same-sex or a child.

I saw that John Kerry said it was legal, a civil union.

Well, I don't care what John Kerry said.

It's not illegal.

But I'm not...

I'm talking to the law.

It is illegal.

If you marry an altar boy, you're going to get locked up.

So give me your name again.

Well, we're not married yet, you know.

Well, you don't get married at our chapel, sir, because we don't do that.

Do you know anywhere that Matt is a man?

I don't have no idea, sir.

You called the wrong number.

If you call back, I want to get this call traced so I can get the police on you.

My God, my child, no, no, okay, it's very fine, my child.

Are you Catholic?

Matthew, are they there?

They want to talk to you, Matthew.

Matthew, talk to them.

I'm Marsley, actually.

Marsley?

We're Italian, maybe.

The costume.

They hung up on us.

Yeah.

What is this?

We're putting it on.

Oh, my God.

So, this is your radio mission.

Today is Thursday.

Come a God.

You're a God, too.

God?

Which one?

He thinks he's Jesus.

Not bad.

Oh, perhaps not.

When he decides to announce his divinity, the Lord sees man, don't knock him off.

We're at the Republic.

My friends, this could be the best thing that ever happened.

Those who believe life here began out there, across the universe.

Try Zoomers.

We have been the foes, the Egyptians.

Ox-Mats.

They have been the spirits.

Los-Las-Muria.

Atlantis.

Smitha may be the man who even now fight to survive somewhere beyond the heavens.

There will be no order, only chaos.

That being said, grab a blunt, take a big hit, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

It's an exclusive of PC Radio and MadhouseLive.com.

Go? Govery. Go? Capcom. We're GoFlight. Launch Control, this is Houston. We are go for launch.

Drug Reel from Real Reel? Chris, I take this today.

First of all, um, why don't you shut the hell, why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you! Fuck you! I pay this shit!

The baby is only a little crazy, like painters or composers or some of those men in Washington.

Speak English, America.

You follow a P, you follow a parking lot, and you speak in Spanish.

You speak English, I see.

You motherfuckin'.

Go ahead, man.

Motherfuckin' you.

You bitch.

Don't never call a gang to this boy, man.

Mow my lawn.

You motherfuckin'.

Why are you so angry?

Where's Pasquale?

I'm gonna fuck you, man.

You're so high right now.

Smoke every day.

The weirdo is with your blunts up.

You're now listening to Bizarre Cap Circus.

And I'm your boy, Young Miles, the future.

And my man's about to get it crackin' for y'all

The motherfuckers

It's the nigga Sharon Capp

Kickin' the 90

Dirty 50 rap

Detroit's on the map

Hey, good evening everybody

This is the Madhouse

And we're on

With you tonight is I, Carlito

And does this sound really bad?

Do you hear that?

It's really tinny

Almost something

I don't know

I'm here, Carlito

And next to me is Andy

What's up, Andy?

What's going on, Carlito?

Not much

How's your week been?

Week? Pretty good

good. I'm tapping the red and gold on. Is that what it is? Yeah. So you're selling your

plasma, huh? Yeah. Wow. I'm going ahead and getting hooked up to the machine. They suck

that liquid gold out of you. Nice. Then they give you $20. How much do you get, really,

every time you go? Today, I got $30. $30 to get? Yeah, for like an hour. It's uncomfortable

more than painful. How much blood do you have? They yank a lot out of you, and they spin

it around you see your plasma come out mine's like liquid gold it looks like like fine honey

you get to see it there yeah it's right next to you and other people their plasma is like

brown and murky oh like you know when they get my child and they're rubbing on his legs and he'll

walk because my plasma is just the best ever that's nasty yeah what do they use plasma for

anyway what is what is this for it's not a blood transfusion that they use it for right like if you

If you get, like, hurt and, like, badly hurt, I think they give you a plasma injection.

Okay.

Because it's, like, extra healing power.

Oh, okay.

Is that what...

Like, burn.

They give it to burn victims.

I think they rub it on burn victims' face.

They rub it on their faces?

I think so.

That's weird.

They make a cream out of it.

Like, I think the girls who work there, they microwave my shit and snort it.

Did you hear about that shit in the UK today?

No.

Yesterday?

You didn't hear about these six guys?

These six guys were going to test a new medicine.

It was an injection that they were getting.

It was supposed to be an experimental drug for...

I'm trying to remember.

I think it was like joint pain or something like that, right?

Yeah, I got that.

Anyway, so I think they paid them 3,000 pounds, UK, sterling pounds.

I don't know what that is in American dollars.

No, no, no.

No.

As in the currency.

They were British.

Probably.

$5 or something like that.

3,000 pounds is $5, I guess.

Anyway, but Nunu, I bet you knows about this.

They fucking, six of the eight people, right?

Six of the eight people got the actual injection.

It was the actual medicine.

The other two got a placebo.

You know how they do the test.

They do a placebo, which is nothing.

It's just, you know, nothing.

And then you compare the results so you can prove whether or not there's a significant difference.

Anyway, so the six people that got the injection, within 90 minutes,

Their heads had swollen to three times their size

And their organs swelled up

I gotta find this story

It's fucked up

It's like

God damn it, hear that?

It's like War of the Worlds

Like the first War of the Worlds right there

Who's got a car that sounds like that, man?

I don't know

The fuck is that?

It's gone now

God, man, that's weird

That's like an alien just screaming down the street

Some fucking

I don't know

Where's my mouse at?

Anyway

Yeah, so

Like these guys, man

They're like

Pretty much

They said like

Like, you ever seen The Elephant Man?

Yeah.

One of the, the girlfriend of one of them said that his, her boyfriend looked like The Elephant Man.

Oh, that's fucked up.

I mean, it is really fucked up.

I'm going to find a link here.

It's over here somewhere.

Damn it, man.

Ah, shit.

It's gone.

It's gone, damn it.

It was a really fucked up story, though.

Someone can find that.

It's gone now.

Yeah, that was some really freaky shit.

I'm going to try to find it.

Anyway, so, yeah.

What were we talking about?

How did we get out?

Okay, so you get paid.

You can huddle off.

You can go once a week.

Is that what it is?

Twice a week.

Twice a week?

Like, if you go every day, you'll get, you know, when you're supposed to, you'll get, like, $200 a month.

Okay.

I thought about doing that, but, man, it looks like you're, like, something to had it.

And, you know, the people who are in there are kind of scary, too.

It's like alcoholics.

But I hear the best thing to do is actually drink after that because you can get drunk really easy, really quickly.

Yeah, I don't know.

You know what?

Have you tried to get drunk after you give plasma?

Yeah, but I have, you know, way in the past.

But, like, I would go and smoke afterwards and I'd get blazed.

because you're kind of, you're really drained

when, you know, you fucking get out of there.

They just like blow it out of you and, you know, put it back

in and all that shit. There we go.

This is it right here. Well, this is related.

This is the Daily Mail.

No, this is the one, yeah.

Yeah, I mean. They're trying to say they're racing

to find a cadet's girlfriend right there.

They don't got a picture of the guys, though?

They have a picture of the survivor, I saw it.

It was some Indian guy.

He said that he, he describes

it, this guy, he said that

in 90 minutes, they were ripping their clothes

off because they were in such a

high fever. And then they just started

screaming about their feeling like their heads

was going to explode. And it swelled

up like three times. It really, I mean

it's like some kind of weird mutation.

They probably even signed

all their rights away to sue and shit.

They'll probably get a settlement though.

Yeah, let me post this story.

I'm sure there's, the main story,

this is not the main story, but

there you go.

That's what that is. I don't even know what the hell

They're talking about it's probably going to be

like something... Maybe they'll get

superpowers out of it and then everything will be

for good. Here's what it says.

According to this, a television technician said

the test was turned into hell

minutes after we were injected.

The men went down like dominoes.

They began tearing their shirts off, complaining of

fever. Then some screamed out

that their heads felt like they were going to explode.

After that, they started fainting, vomiting, and

writhing around in their beds. That's some

fucked up shit, man. Four British, Asians,

two Australians, a South African, and

an Englishman, his name is Mr. Wilson, I guess, it was, like, this Arab guy and this Englishman

were the only two that got the placebo, all other, all other six of them is, like, really,

I don't know, anyway, nice, yeah, anyway, 3,000 pounds, that's some shit, it's probably

nothing, but, we'll continue, I would like to see more of that story, um, our homepage

is madhouselive.com, that's madhouselive.com, that's the homepage for the Madhouse, you

You can join our chat room by heading over to the homepage for kdkprankcalls.com.

The homepage for PCU, I'm sorry, which is kdkprankcalls.com.

Join our chat room there in the link.

There's a few people in there right now chatting it up.

I see Milkman has just joined the fray.

Maybe we can talk to Milkman.

I never got to that.

We're not in the presence of Milkman tonight.

Not yet, at least.

Let me log into Gizmo, see if we can get him, and talk to Milkman.

Anyway, so, yeah, we're here.

We're going to do a show tonight.

We're going to do some pranks.

A lot of drama last night in PCU.

I don't know.

I don't know much of it.

Andy knows a lot about it, probably.

What?

You know a lot about the drama that happened last night, right?

Like, nothing.

You don't even care, right?

I heard someone got someone mad.

yeah yeah I don't know I really can't tell these people apart I don't know I

don't know what happened I don't know man no man's upset well

that's the breaking news right there from Andy here's milkman's theme song

while we try to connect okay milkman you send me a message when you're ready

for us to try to connect you and we will do so we're standing by on gizmo anyway

hopefully he'll be on soon his home page is none he has none but you can reach

reach us. If you want to call

us in tonight, the toll-free line will be

open shortly. The toll-free line

being 888-278-8509.

Now, the toll-free line is not open yet,

so if you call it, you're going to get a business signal.

Just relax. I'll turn that on later.

You can also reach us if you want

to have us do a prank call for you.

Madhouse Radio.

That's Madhouse Radio

on AOL Instant Messenger.

Yahoo Messenger users,

Madhouse PCU Radio.

and uh what's the other one msn messenger yeah msn messenger yeah madhouse pcu radio

at hotmail.com um in the chat room which i spoke of earlier we have a lonesome loser who's uh very

diligent and uh very helpful gentleman when it comes to confirming numbers and submitting them

for us to prank uh he's got the rock me makeup no place possibly who knows uh you who restaurant

restaurant sam's hoot and holler jolly jug liquor jug and jigger liquor fado irish pub what the hell

is that is it fado hey the guy's name is fado hey fado that's not irish anyway maggie o'neill's

irish pub that we got the irish ale house a shamrock limousine that's uh keeping in the uh

i'm assuming that's the uh is that tomorrow st patrick's day the celebration of the lowest

case of the white race.

Okay.

It's not the March of... The worst of our worst.

Like I said last week, the March of Ides. Isn't that what I said?

Yeah. Didn't I say it was the March of Ides or something?

The March of Ides. Yeah, it's the Ides of March.

Yeah, I corrected you.

You corrected me. I was stupid.

And I forgot. You forgot about it.

Until I brought it up again.

Great, great, great.

Okay, so let's move on

out and do a prank call here.

What do you think, Andy, out of all these that we've received?

um

Arab guy

always

asking for green beer

we have an Arab guy

in the jolly jug liquor

yeah

asking for green beer

I want some

green beer

oh yeah

you called your Irish guy

he's not Irish man

even you said

that's a horrible Irish

the Arabs

not gonna know dude

I guess so

they had no idea

alright

Milkman when you're ready

we can connect to you

let's try him again

real quick

while I do the call

and he's not even on it

we'll fuck with that

hang on folks

we're coming right

we're coming right back

with the first prank call

the night uh the jolly jug liquor store this is the liquor store yes sir all right great what uh

what kind of beer specials you're having tomorrow what kind of beer special you like bro well

anything green going on over there tomorrow if you know what i mean yeah for some panic they didn't

make this year anything green only you have to buy food dying you know what i'm talking about

the green color do you have the food dye there they mix it with any beer what's the secret

ingredient in in green beer green beer do you know what the secret ingredient

gradient is in an Irish green beer I'll tell you I'll tell you it's the blood of

Iraqi children oh yeah are you Shiite or Sunni excuse me are you Shiite or Sunni

I'm a Catholic bro my ass okay you're the Apostles Creed in three seconds two

one go okay I believe in God the Father Almighty go ahead continue come on

Why you don't come over here?

You look like you got nothing to do, man.

And in Jesus Christ, his only son, our Lord.

Of course, Jesus Christ, bro.

Who was born of the Virgin Mary.

We are not those Catholics, the one you guys in here.

We are the whole church, bro.

The Catholic is the devil's church, I heard.

That's by you guys, not by us.

Who am I supposed to be now?

Because you guys, you don't believe in nobody.

I'm a Catholic, you asshole.

I don't think you are a Catholic asshole.

Look, I was just doing the Apostles' Creed.

You can't even do the Apostles' Creed and you say you're a Catholic.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

You know what?

Why don't you get your fucking ass in here, fucker?

Why don't you suck this dick?

You could fuck yourself?

Yeah.

Are you wearing women's panties?

I don't like my family with an asshole like you.

Let me ask you.

Do you have black panties or tan panties on tonight?

Sir.

Son of a bitch.

That was kind of cool.

I was paying more attention to the cat.

I was going to call him and be a dick.

Yeah.

I was kind of lost into that one.

That was kind of funny.

The blood of Iraqi children, I said.

I know.

Wow.

Look at you.

That's pretty sick.

I'm sorry.

I got hateful.

Yeah.

The blood of Iraqi children.

Next is going to be the blood of Pakistani children.

I will hit a nerve at some point.

Iranian children.

They're next.

Yeah.

That's who's going to be dead next.

Yep.

You're on notice, Iran.

All our Iranian listeners.

And then China.

Yeah.

All our Iranian listeners.

You know what happened to our Iranian listener?

What was his name?

What was that guy?

That Muslim dude?

He was really weird.

Someone mailed him a used condom.

I forgot his name already.

Kevin?

D-T-T.

Oh, I thought it was Kevin.

Yeah, I remember him calling in.

D-T-T, yeah.

He's a Muslim.

He's Iranian, you know.

Persian, you think he's Iranian?

Get rid of those.

What?

Don't leave those on me.

Uh, these?

Yeah.

No.

Oh, yeah, I gotta consolidate all those together.

Anyway, should I let callers call in now?

I wanna know if, uh, in the...

Okay, no, tell me to try.

Try it.

Hey, I'm ready to go.

I just ate a squirrel.

I got my coconut bra on now.

Come on, Milkman.

Hey, hello.

See what I mean?

It doesn't work.

Tell Milkman to move to Florida.

Yeah, Milkman, come hurry to Florida now.

You can be here with us right now, partying and eating hamburgers.

Hang on.

Okay.

Sorry about that, folks.

We didn't get Milkman yet.

We're snorting penicillin here, buddy.

Penicillin.

You know, we have a setup now.

We're going to have a really secure link, but he didn't have enough time, apparently, to hook that up.

So, everybody, next week, Milt Man has a secure link.

Secure link, yeah, exactly.

Secure link Milt Man.

A new feature on the Madhouse show.

We can actually hear and understand Milt Man.

Madhouse secure link.

Exactly.

I got a great idea for a PCU promo, man.

Yeah, I don't know what else to say.

Anyway, the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

I'm going to go ahead and open it up.

What do you say?

Yeah.

For a little bit.

it let's see if people want to talk what do people want to talk about tonight i wonder um yeah we

gotta play music man this is boring almost here is breathing into the microphones as you yeah we're

mouth breathers here hang on that's better that helps mask how fat we are and try it now man

all right hang on milkman i'm trying again there buddy you know hunter hunter got canceled i didn't

mention that hunter got canceled remember hunter you called that faggot kid remember you were

We were talking shit about him last week.

You're like, fuck Hunter, man.

He ain't shit.

Yeah, just because everybody else is against him.

I am too.

He's a faggot bitch.

I don't know.

I never listen to his shit.

He should call in again and tell us why his show was bad.

Yeah.

Anyway, DTT was Lebanese, everybody.

I'm sorry.

I ruined it.

Is there a difference?

I should call him.

I don't have his number.

The person you are calling is not here.

No, Milkman.

Milkman is not here.

All right, who can we call next here?

We have Coyote Ugly.

Is that the Coyote Ugly?

They're all over the place, right?

right well the one from the movie was the new york one oh that's the one right there and another

coyote okay we can try that i'm busy trying to activate the toll-free line here checking the

level zero okay good we're good anyway um a shamrock limousine i'm gonna call that see what

i can do with the limousine but the toll-free line is open after this prank call you can get in it's

1-888-278-8509 and i will post that right now in the chat room if you're not in the chat room you

you should be, go to kdkprintcalls.com.

Shamrock Limousine?

Shamrock Limousine.

Yes, great.

I have a question, sir.

What kind of Irish special are you having tomorrow for Irish Day?

Tomorrow?

Yeah.

Friday?

Yeah.

What did you guys want to do?

Isn't it tomorrow St. Irish Day or something like that?

Yeah.

Like Irish Day?

Always got special.

Yeah.

Always got special.

Okay, well, why don't you...

Friday's Day tomorrow.

Why don't you sell it to me?

Stop being a jackass, first of all.

Can you sell it to me?

Yeah, we can.

We can. We can give you astronomical rates.

Astronomical rates.

Astronomical.

Sir, sir, astronomical rates.

I can give you the car Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at discounted rates.

Are you interested?

Let me ask you, before we get into that,

have you been drinking a little bit of whiskey tonight, sir?

You know what? I'm a non-drinker ever since I got married.

I stopped drinking.

I'm in the transportation business.

It's not a vice for anybody to be drinking in the transportation business.

But you were an alcoholic before, though, right?

No, absolutely not.

I don't know about that.

You sound like you're a little sloshed right now.

No, I have a lot of responsibilities.

We shuffle a lot of people around, and it's not a job to be drinking.

He sounds drunk, doesn't he?

Yeah, you sound really serious, sir.

Can you blow into the phone for me real quick, listen, get a blood alcohol content readout?

They say that if you ever get pulled over and if you have to blow,

they say you've got to blow as hard as you can and you'll beat it.

No, that's stupid.

Do you know what it does, seriously?

Blood from your lungs that actually travels up gets metered by it,

and the alcohol content in that.

If you do that, you're going to give yourself more chance of failing the test there, buddy.

That effect, see?

I just listen to Mancow 101.9 in the morning.

Fuck Mancow.

That faggot.

Mancow.

He's a faggot, too.

Yeah, why?

What did he get rated?

The number one shock jock in America two nights ago?

Is that what I heard?

What do you think about Howard Stern going over to Surrey Satellite Radio?

Yeah, imagine that.

Who's this now?

My name is Tony.

No, I'm talking about who you're talking about.

Howard who?

Howard Stern.

I never heard of him.

What's he do exactly?

He rocks.

Yeah.

I'm not doing too good, though.

Wait a minute.

You're a Mancow fan, and you're also a Howard Stern fan.

Yeah, I'm a fan of anybody that puts me over the radio.

Mancow puts me on Howard Stern.

I got to look up Howard Stern someday.

What about you?

What kind of business are you in?

You like Carlito?

He puts you on the air, too.

You know what?

What? Anybody that gives me good press, they're riding my limousines free.

Hey, Tony.

Yes.

Tony, do you know the phrase that pays?

The phrase that pays?

Yes.

I know one we need to barter time.

Well, if you can say the phrase that pays, you win the prize.

The phrase that pays.

Yes.

You win a 40 gigabyte iPod if you can say the phrase that pays right now.

The phrase that pays.

Let me ask you a question.

How many kilobytes in a gigabyte?

That's not the correct phrase that pays.

I'm sorry, sir, you have lost.

Oh, come on.

I'm sorry.

That's not the phrase that pays.

It's not the phrase that pays.

It's not the phrase that pays, sir.

All right, all right.

You got me now.

All right.

Now, come to where are you calling us from and how old are you?

My age is 25 years old.

Okay.

I'm pulling into the staging lot that I'm here right now.

Uh-huh.

Let me ask you.

Four more flights coming in.

Busy day.

Okay, Shamrock Limousine is rockin'.

Yeah.

Okay, so how often did you used to drink?

You really sound like you used to have a drinking problem.

Like, you know, a lot of times alcoholics, they keep that slurred voice kind of thing.

It's like a palsy kind of, like the dead, you know him?

You're kidding.

You're messing with me now, brother.

No, no.

You have a palsy-like voice.

It sounds, honestly, like the left side of your face might not move.

You should call him Drunk Tony.

Yeah, Drunk Tony.

That's right.

right. Can we call you Drunk Tony from now on?

Whenever we call, because we would call.

Hey, you know what? If you guys

got, if you're taping me,

you need to give

Shamrock Limousine some good press.

Shamrock Limousine, everybody,

where you can go for homosexual

limousine rides.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, that's not good

press, brother. Come on. Hey, okay, I need

you to give us a promo for Shamrock Limousine,

but you need to do it in your best drunk

imitation. No, no, no.

Come on, no, make it sound like, make it sound,

Can you talk like you're drunk?

Shamrock Limousines is a 24-hour service.

It's top quality.

All our limousines are new.

Our drivers are all professional trained.

They're self-defense trained.

What?

Defensive driving trained.

We buy a bodyguard service.

We're top notch, brother.

Are they armed?

No, unarmed security.

Unarmed security.

Okay.

So how do they drive the car?

Oh, funny.

Seriously, though, can you kick a man's ass?

We're self-defense trained in pressure point control.

Pressure point control?

Basically, we know how to defend ourselves.

We all take yearly classes.

It's phenomenal.

Right.

Let me ask you a question.

So you're trained in whatever situation, what pressure point you can use to neutralize me, right?

Absolutely.

Now, what if I try to drop an anvil on your head?

I'm checking the staging lot to see if all my cars got their Shamrock signs in the window.

I'm pulling up on one car now, and does he got...

I'll talk about all the calls.

We don't need to write him up.

Actually, I'm going to beat his ass right now.

Yeah, do it.

Hey, can you fire...

Oh, Jesus.

Hey, hey, hey!

Hold on, you want to talk to my driver?

Yeah, put that faggot on.

Here, hold on.

Hey, this is real estate.

The real estate guy?

The hell marketing guy.

Hello?

Yo, Adam.

Hello?

Yeah, we're driving for Shamrock Limousines.

We've got the best service around.

How good is service?

The best service you like.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

President, hey, we're bringing...

Hey, hey, hey, hey, listen up.

Yes?

I've got to check on two more cars to make sure my signs are in the window.

Well, let me talk to your drivers already.

You want to talk to how many?

If you talk to one, you want to talk to a couple more?

Yeah.

Why not?

All right.

You're a good guy.

What is your name?

My name is Bruce. Bruce Stevenson.

Bruce Stevenson, and where are you from, Bruce?

I'm from here in town, here on Main Street, east side of town.

And you're from Stoney Island, or where are you from?

Sorry, what?

Where are you from, Stoney Island, or...

Yeah.

East side of town.

East side of town. Dan Ryan, or what's up with that? East side of what?

Tell them you're from...

I'm over here. Well, originally I'm from Schaumburg.

Who do you like in the NCAA, brother?

I would have to say Yukon. Yukon looks really good. They look really good.

Hey, can I teach you pressure point control? Can you come to one of my courses?

Where are you going to touch me at?

You know what? It's a three-day course, eight-hour course, and you walk out self-defense trained.

What's that? What's that back there?

It's only $1,500.

How about I go down there and I push you around?

Huh?

Do you like that?

You know what?

You become one of my drivers.

Are you allergic to anything, sir?

Am I allergic to anything?

Yeah.

You know what?

This place is rocking this O'Hare Airport.

I don't care about the airport.

This place is rocking.

We're talking about you.

Are you allergic to anything, sir?

Any food, any medicine, anything?

No, but my wife is.

What's she allergic to?

Steak.

What's she allergic to?

Steak?

Steak.

Eggs.

Okay, eggs, eggs, eggs.

So what if I forced her to eat an egg sandwich?

Then you have to deal with the pressure point control techniques, brother.

Is there a pressure point on the foot?

On the foot?

Yeah.

There's pressure points in the neck.

There's pressure points behind the ear.

There's pressure points in the nose.

There's pressure points in the legs.

There's pressure points everywhere.

Hey, man, for all that, why don't you guys just carry taser guns, man?

Oh, we're not here to harm anybody.

We're just here to...

tasers don't harm anybody

we're here to keep our customers

happy

and a lot of times we take our customers

places where they need to

alright well how about

you have any openings I really like to drive

I got my CDL license and shit like that

I used to drive

listen

I used to drive

Humvees over in the war

and shit and I'm trained to use a taser

I used to tase

children and dogs all the time in Iraq

Iraq. Just for the hell of it.

I see. Now you're just running around

running around the streets chasing dogs

and animals, huh? Well, no, we get bored

and stuff, but the funniest thing we did

one time, we took this stray dog and we tied

a rope to him, and then we tied the other

end of the rope to the propeller of

one of them, what's

one of them boats? The boats with the big fan

on the back of it. A hydrofoil.

Hey, you know what? We got, we got, if you

book a limousine from Shermack Limousine,

we have a package where

we can take you, we can take you to

Lake Michigan, it's a yacht.

I'll take you to dinner if you call now.

Hello.

Go ahead, sir.

Come on, brother, come on.

Refresh that.

Who, hey, shut up.

What are you, what's going on here?

You're calling for specials, that's what we're telling you.

Yeah, well, it's really, it's over, okay?

It's been done, it's over, it's tired and over, you ruined it.

What's going on now?

What's happening?

You're a jackass.

You know, you really don't want me to go down there right now.

I'm not happy with you right now. I must be honest with you. I'm very ashamed of you right now, sir

Well, we got we got the best service in town brother. All right, would you like to pull my leg hairs?

Alright sir, God bless you and God bless these United States. All right

I don't know what the fuck

He's looking to be a regular

on a radio show.

Anyone who prank calls him,

you can keep him on the phone forever

because he wants to be on a radio show.

That's what everybody should do.

Zolar's good at doing shit like that.

Anyway,

888-278-8509.

Again, that's

1-888-278-8509.

That's the toll-free line

if you'd like to call in.

In the chat room,

we've got McEmoBraid.

No, that's MCEmo.

Emo? What's Emo? Isn't that some kind of

like, isn't that like the new gothic kid?

Isn't that what an Emo is?

Real, um, wimpy

pop music. They're like little

faggot punks.

His name is MC Emo

Breaker. Because he knows the whole

story. And what's the,

I don't know what he's talking about. Is he talking about the KDK

thing from last night?

Alright, well, go ahead, McEmo. Go ahead and call in.

And Turdburg wants to call in. Sure, there you go.

Just gave you the toll-free line.

Anybody who wants to call in,

milkman can do so now toll free line is open see what milkman is saying well it may not be able to

get me in that's what milkman just said he's not even in on gizmo i have to shut it off milkman if

you get back on gizmo give me a message and let me know we'll try to connect you anyway what are

we talking about when we're setting up there was something i wanted to talk about i forget now i

don't know i don't know who cares anyway um says it's busy this always happens to me where i say

i'm gonna activate the phone and i don't yeah see i didn't i didn't re-enable it hang on

everybody and then any second now i will actually get this correct any ideas for another prank call

we can do here let me pull up what's up you read those while i turn on maggie o'neill's irish pub

that'd be good for tomorrow you know i mean zola should call totally call in like irish pubs and

give us illegal beats yeah he's an illegal irish immigrant let's find out what he's up

yeah caller you're on the air go ahead what's up with whom do we have the displeasure yo yo

Pimpslut

Pimpslut, what's up? How you doing, Pimpslut?

Nothing

Let me ask you

Listen to the show

Yeah, that's good. Now let me ask you, what's the reasoning behind the name Pimpslut? Are you, like, a Pimpslut?

Um, some girl just gave it to me, like, I don't know, just all, just placed in there

Okay

Pimpslut

Would you ever call yourself Pimpslut again?

I don't think so

Anything like that? I mean, not to say you're

Not to question your sexuality, but

Not to question your sexuality

Huh?

Go ahead. Go ahead. I'm saying, not to question your sexuality, but that name, Pimp Slut, kind of, you know what I mean?

It's not something that you would name yourself. It's something that someone, like, some girl just has to name me as a nickname.

Like, I don't know how I get it. I don't even know how she came up with it.

My friend, that's not even, like, a compliment. I can't, how can a woman, if, you know, if a girl called me, what's up, Pimp Slut, to me?

Doesn't that, wouldn't that, I'd be offended. I'd be like, bitch, what are you talking about?

You should have mushed her. I gave her a good mushing, and then she would call you a manly name.

Yeah, but we were homies, though, like, you know?

You were a homie?

I don't know how she came up with the name.

I don't know.

Was that back when you guys were touring, the Chipmunks and the Chipettes?

Sure.

Right.

So, Pimp Slut, you're calling in.

We were just talking.

Are you going to give us the skinny and what happened last night here in the chatroom?

Were you here for that, or am I incorrect?

What was that?

What happened?

Were you here last night in the chatroom?

He's like, huh?

What?

Yeah, when KDK was like, yeah, I was there.

Okay, what happened?

I didn't catch much of it.

Can you tell us what happened?

Andy K was all depressed. He was crying on the air.

I mean, it just lasted for so long.

It just got to the point of, like, what the hell's going on, you know?

And he's like, you know, he's going to kill himself.

And then, like, he'll call Ben, and he's like, don't do it, man.

I'll get you a job, man.

Some web design, man.

I don't have a job either.

You should kill yourself tonight, Andy.

I was thinking.

I got some arson.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, yeah.

I think the web design would make it.

Hang it up and then pick. See? There. Test, test, test.

I didn't know Lego was making figures.

What's that? One, two, three.

That's like over $100,000.

It's like over $100,000. Anything from $100,000 to $900,000.

For or after taxes?

I think it's after.

After taxes? Hang on.

What's with that phone?

I don't know. It's fucking up. I'll try it now. I'll change the channel on it.

Can you talk? Talk.

Yeah, I want to know how much he makes, because I'm sure he makes some good money off of all that stuff he does.

He's got Lego.

He could probably get you for a weekend, huh?

What?

He'd probably get you for a weekend.

Ain't that right, Pimp Float?

Right.

He's got the cash.

Mm-hmm.

How much would you offer?

Not offer, but what kind of figure would you accept from Dago for a weekend with you?

Of sex and cocaine.

You ever see Pretty Woman?

No.

Name your prize.

Come on.

Let the listeners know.

They want to know.

I've had three listeners ask my radio this week.

How much would Pimp Float...

They want to know how much to get you with a tub and then they want to buy your nails.

I'm not cheap.

I'll tell you that.

Okay.

You're not cheap.

Maybe like three grand.

Okay.

Damn it, son of a bitch.

Sucks, huh?

But I'm not gay, so.

Well, that's good.

Good for you.

So, anyway, well, what kind of help?

Now, weren't you thinking about doing a show, or weren't there rumors you were going to have a show?

Is that dead now?

I don't know.

KDK was saying I was, like, going around back, going to, like, Lego or whatever, but I really wasn't.

Oh, he started that.

He's in that to me, too.

Yeah.

He's in that to me.

He was saying that about the dead also, so I don't know what that is.

I don't know, man.

Yeah, he was just all depressed and crap.

Yeah.

Well, that's sad to hear.

I hope KDK comes out of this funk.

He's missing tonight, and our prayers are with him.

Are you Catholic, or are you a Jew, or what are you exactly?

What, you think I'm a Jew?

Well, no, I don't know.

I'm just asking.

You could be Muslim, even.

It wouldn't be bad.

I don't know.

You're Baptist or something.

All right, so you're not a practicing Christian, I'm saying.

You don't go to church.

You don't go to church or nothing like that when you were growing up?

My mom does.

Yeah.

She doesn't know what religion she is.

That's crazy, man.

Okay. Well, that's great. Would you like to do a prank call before we let you go?

Sure.

All right. I'll have to put you in. You don't have to. Don't feel obligated. It's okay.

No, I think I'm going to try to convince someone that I went to college with in high school.

How about grade school?

Grade school. Hey, we have the Church of Scientology here. You can try that.

We've got Leprechaun Beer Company in Erie, Pennsylvania.

Leprechaun.

Leprechaun Beer Company. Hey, tell them you're a leprechaun, man. They can totally buy it.

Give us your best leprechaun voice.

I bet you...

You could do a good leprechaun.

Do it.

Let's hear it.

I don't think I could do a leprechaun.

Oh, bullshit.

I'm the leprechaun.

Just talk your normal voice.

Okay, hold on.

You sound like a Keebler elf.

Hello, would you like some Lucky Tom's?

There you go.

That'll work perfect right there.

There you go.

Tell them your entitles to some beer.

I don't know.

Do something.

Just tell me the leprechaun, all right?

Yeah, but go ahead and use your gangster slang, too.

I'll cue them.

Yeah, use your gangster slang.

Yeah, we don't want to lose the assets of pimp slug.

Exactly.

Make sure you throw that gangster in there, too.

That's correct, sir.

Gangster?

Gangster slang.

Oh, okay.

The only thing I know I'm going to do is throw a leprechaun, and I'm just going to switch to gangster.

Are you going to get a gangster leprechaun?

Yeah.

What?

I just said yeah.

I don't know.

Anyway, hang on, buddy.

We're going to connect you through right now, okay?

Okay.

All right, Pimpslut.

Hey, everybody.

You, too, hang on.

We'll be back in just a second with Pimpslut calling as a leprechaun to the Leprechaun Beer Company in Erie, Pennsylvania.

It's not a good idea to do this call now.

I didn't block the number in accident.

Leprechaun Bureau.

Hey, this is Ron.

Who?

How are you today?

Getting ready to close the doors.

Okay, well, I was about to let you know that I'm going to be filing a lawsuit against you

for the reasons of using the name Leprechaun.

You can hang up.

Hello.

He's a bitch.

Don't feel bad.

You wish to call.

Oh, hang on.

He's locking up the doors, so there's like, you know, you hear something like that.

Hang on, let's try one more time.

Did you hear that?

Same guy. Not a smart idea for not blocking my number.

He ain't gonna answer, man.

I tried to hack that machine there at the end there, but it didn't work out.

Alright Pimp Slut, well good luck to you, hopefully you'll be able to come through with a show.

Were you excited about doing a show there for a little while or anything like that?

I thought it was pretty cool.

It'd be pretty cool just to get the experience and shit and whatnot.

Did you hear Turd Burglar's show that he did on Monday in lieu of yours?

Oh, yeah, I heard that.

It wasn't that bad.

Anything happen?

Were you upset?

He had some good music.

I'll tell you that.

Oh, you're being sarcastic because you know he had music trouble.

That's okay.

You can be rude.

It's okay.

All right, man.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you for calling there, buddy.

Peace out.

All right, my friend.

Later, man.

Bye.

And that was the turd burglar.

No, that wasn't the turd burglar.

No, that's...

Sorry.

My bad.

I already fucked it up.

That was...

Pimp slut.

Pimp slut, yeah.

Yeah, I get confused between the two of them.

They're both fighting each other for rights to do a show.

Wow.

Apparently.

What a competition.

Go figure.

I wasn't going to do it with the phone real quick.

I was going to do something here special.

I forgot what it is.

Damn it, man.

Anyway.

Yeah, so if you want to call us here, it's toll-free 1-888-278-8509.

Andy, I got great news.

What happened?

I almost forgot.

We need to start the show early next week because do you know those little kiosks in the mall that they put in the middle of the floor?

You know what I mean?

Not in the food court, but just in the middle of the aisles in the mall, little kiosks.

Sure.

Okay, anyway, you know like the local cable company, Bright House?

Yeah.

They've got internet phone.

Yeah.

And on their kiosks that they have in the mall, they have an internet phone that you can use to make a free three-minute call long distance to check out their internet phone, right?

Check out the service.

well i called myself from it and i got the caller id on it and it's in the ultimate mall here and i

called and some woman picked up and i i was on my cell phone and i tested it to see if it worked

and she picked up hello and i said hi you've won two thousand dollars from bright house networks

and she's like oh my god it's like speak to the associate there to claim your prize she's like

okay i will she hung up and i never know what happened i need to call her but they close them

all at 10 yeah they do yeah so unless i had we'd have to do it like a 9 30 and yeah yeah

Yeah, it'd be hard to.

Or do it during the day.

You could also do that.

Maybe in there earlier.

Yeah, call when you get home.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, we have a caller.

Madhouse Live, you're on the air.

Yo, what the fuck were you wasting your time with that little fucking punk?

Who, that, uh...

Pimp Slut guy?

Punk Slut.

I thought he was your boy, man.

Didn't he rap on your show?

I'm kidding.

He's a kid.

He's a good kid.

We were trying to steal his pot of gold.

It's, it's, no, no.

He's a good kid.

And you know what?

I told KDK yesterday, I said, dude, he didn't go around your back.

I'm trying to get everybody's approval, man.

You know, my feeling is this.

I think he makes some cool prank calls, you know,

and I, like, just like I think Joop is a really funny guy

when he comes on my show or, you know, Zola or your show, whatever.

I wonder, you know, when Joop does the show himself,

he doesn't seem to be, he seems a little nervous

or he seems a little not able to put it all together,

and that's my only concern with Pimp Slut.

But, you know, I told KDK yesterday, I said,

And then he's like, well, he kind of went behind my back.

I said, dude, he didn't go behind your back.

He asked me, you know, like, to get my approval, but not, you know,

and I even told him, you know, to speak, you know, I'll speak to you, whatever, you know,

and just set him up with one show and see how he does.

Yeah.

So it's no big deal.

But KDK had a really, he just had a really bad night.

That's what it is.

Yeah, I think so.

I mean, I'm surprised he's not here.

He's usually here on a Thursday night, and I guess maybe he just wants to stay away and stuff.

I don't know.

He says he wasn't drunk.

Greg Leggo, I'll be honest with you, he was on something last night, the way he was talking.

I don't know.

He was drunk, and I don't think he was doing drugs.

I don't think he does drugs like, you know, like real deal drugs.

Right.

And I think he was just, you know, he's been fine to me about, you know, having depression problems.

And, you know, like his whole life, dude.

I mean, he's, you know, he's one of those people that just has a serotonin imbalance, and it makes you depressed.

And that's why I said to him, maybe, you know, you should take something for it, because I know some people, you know, I don't believe in those kind of drugs generally, but I do know there are some people that really need it, and, you know, but, like I told him last night, I said to him, bro, you know what, you like, you know, okay, you might not love your job, but, I mean, you know, bro, okay, you could look at me and say, oh, well, I have this great business.

Bro, I don't love my job.

I work my fucking ass off.

I mean, it's my own company, so I don't have to tell anyone.

If I get pissed at anyone, it's going to be myself.

I don't have a boss I can tell to go fuck himself.

I'll tell you, bro, I don't fucking like this.

I work like a dog, and I got to worry about everything.

And it's like, you know, it's a really, you know, when a server goes down, I got people yelling at me.

It sucks, dude.

Yeah, work sucks.

Well, you can't do nothing about it.

Andy, you agree, right?

Work sucks, man.

I hate work.

I mean, you have celebrities who kill themselves and shit.

like what, Kurt Cobain and shit.

Everything is miserable.

Nobody's ever going to...

Well, that's what I'm talking about.

And I'm saying that what I tried to explain to him last night is, dude,

I said, is everybody, you know,

some days you have better days at your job than others,

but for the most part, I don't think anybody loves what they do.

You know, I mean, maybe, you know, maybe if you're, I don't know.

But for the most part, I'd say the majority of the people

don't love going to work and doing it.

But you know what?

He makes decent money.

He doesn't, you know, not a ton of money, but he's got a nice place to live, he's got a nice car, you know, he's in a good relationship, you know, what, you know, he's got a lot to be thankful for.

I said, I told him, bro, you ain't living under a bridge in a cardboard box, okay, then you can cry to me, okay?

That's true.

Yeah, I mean, things could, yeah, there are a lot of people out there doing a lot worse, you know what I mean?

It's the kind of thing, well, you know, here's what I think, and I was thinking about this today as I was driving to work, and I was, you know,

know um here's the way i see it the american dream the way that you know people how they

that make out the american dream to be everybody's going to get has the ability at some point in

their life where they're not going to have to work anymore they're just going to sit down

and chill out all day and retire and have plenty of money and go on vacations and cruises and have

whatever they want and not have to worry about work or bills or anything anymore and for the

most part that's 99.9 bullshit because that's not going to happen that's the american dream

But it doesn't exist

The problem is

A lot of people in America

You know

Think that at some point

They're going to become entitled

You know

To not have to work anymore

You know what I mean

And I feel like that

You know

I mean it sucks

Because at some point

A lot of people start realizing

And they start getting depressed

Because they know

You know what

I'm going to

You know

Get in this rut

We're going to have to

Get up every day and work

And take bullshit

From either

Some boss

Or some customer

Or some client

Or some bullshit

You know what I mean

And I think maybe

KDK is just

Maybe feeling that

And we all get like that

Sometimes

We get a little depressed

And you know

You know, amen, you're right, you're right, we all do, you know, but with KDK, I think

it's different only because I really do think he's got a problem with it, and I think, you

know, it's hard for a guy like you and me, well, not me, but, because I've had depression

issues, but I'm just saying for some people, some people don't understand it, and they're

like, oh, fuck him, you know, but what he has is a debilitating thing.

Impressions, it's really, it's almost uncontrollable, you know,

and it's almost like a handicap, you know.

I mean, like, it's like somebody who has, like, a limp or missing a leg

or, like, you know, like the dead has a speech impediment, he's got a little CP, you know.

It's literally something like that.

Not to be mean, but a little, come on now, I'm sorry.

Well, let me tell you why I say a little.

Dead, he really is, he doesn't have that, you know, he has cerebral palsy a little bit,

it but not terribly tell you why in the park i mean he he knows a lot of shit i mean i was

surprised i mean and look you know you talk about the press look at that guy what he must struggle

with you know what his mom and shit you know whatever i know he's a fucking freak and a and

a retard sometimes but yeah yeah he's a he's a special kind of guy well i mean he's a funny guy

though you know what i mean he is funny i i gotta tell you i he really grew on me and i like the guy

and i speak to him you know i must speak to him a couple of times you know he'll just call me up

like in the middle of the day and he's like hey man what's up you know and i'm like hey dude you

know it's like whatever you know but he's cool he's really he called me he called me at midnight

was it on sunday and i was like falling asleep and i was him and someone else called me and i

was like i was i don't even remember talking to them i was so tired and drunk actually and it

was really funny because like i remember it was really funny like did they call me and i was

I was talking, I was like, man, I'm too tired, motherfucker.

I started talking like that, like, what?

I was like, and then someone, I think the dad said, yeah, I guess it's too late to call Carlito.

He's too tired.

He was talking like that.

It was a funny car.

I don't know why I brought that up.

The dad's a nice guy.

Because that's him.

That's him.

You know, he just, he's like an innocent guy.

He just means well.

I don't know.

So anyway, speaking of Kurt Cobain before, you know, I was at Barnes & Noble's the other day.

And they had like, you know, that sale fucking rack where all the books are like, you know, a penny on the dollars

And they had a book called Kurt Cobain

And it was his diaries

So I bought it because it was like, it was a book that was like 30 bucks

I got it for $5.98

Figured, alright, let me put one on in this guy's mind, dude

He had things in this book, like lyrics from high school

He had like, besides lyrics and writings, it's like a journal, you know

I had these things about baby and...

Kurt Cobain wrote this?

Oh, that's...

Yeah, that's kind of nasty, man.

Yeah, I mean, like, I thought it was...

Like, I was like, wow, that's really sick.

That's sick.

That is fucked up.

Let me ask you a question real quick.

I'm sorry to interrupt you.

Zolar apparently wants to get on the line.

I'd have to put you on hold while I connect him.

Did you want to...

Did you want to hold for that?

Zolar is requesting to be on the line with you at the same time.

I don't know if he wants to ask you something.

Yeah, yeah, put Zolar on.

All right, hang on.

Give me a second.

We'll continue this conversation, all right, man?

Okay.

Hang on, hang on. Let's get Zolar in the line, everybody. Hang on.

We're right back after this. Give me a second here.

Do you have throwaway capability right there?

Yeah, sure thing.

Can you call him? Because this is going to take me too long. I don't know his number. I'll call him.

Okay, I got it. I got it.

All right, my bad.

Hold on.

That makes more sense.

All right, hold on. Zolar. Let me get my Zolar, my special Zolar line in.

All right, you do that.

All right, hold on. I'll be right back.

No problem.

Well, until legal comes back, everybody, again, our AOL instant messenger name here is Madhouse Radio.

Madhouse Radio for AOL Instant Messenger users.

Send in your comments and send in your prank requests.

We'll get to them.

Also, you can email us at madhouseradio at gmail.com.

Madhouseradio at gmail.com.

And we are still waiting for Milkman to join the show.

Hopefully soon he will.

And as soon as the light goes off, we'll try to get Milkman on the phone at least for a quick little bit.

All right, we should all be here now.

All right.

Hello, hello, you're on Carlito's Madhouse.

What's up, Zolar?

How you doing, man?

Que te paso, amigo?

you go. Ah, aquí, aquí, más o menos, man. So, what's going on with you? Did you get

to hear last night's whole thing? I only heard part of it, but what did you get to

hear of, or did you get to hear it? Well, in all actuality, and I love to say in all

actuality, because I say in all actuality quite a lot in all actuality. Alright. I didn't

hear it, but first time I turned on my aim, I got quite a few messages, and somebody was

was nice enough to send me some audio, which I cut down a few little snippets and sent

to you if you'd play, and we could all hear it for the first time.

I've got it.

Who haven't heard it?

I've got it.

I can play it.

I don't think you guys would be able to hear it.

No, actually, I think I can make it so you guys can hear it, possibly.

I might be able to get that to work out.

It's very hurtful of you.

Yeah.

Lego, do you want to hear that?

Should I play that later?

I'll play that when you hear it.

I fucking lived it.

I heard it.

That's right.

Yeah, you were on there.

So I did everybody, all the fans, a favor and cut Lego's voice out.

Ah, good.

Very good thinking, Zola.

Very good thinking.

Why, you know, Zola, you don't think I spoke well to him?

That's not the point.

Nobody wants to hear you.

You're fucking boring.

Go ahead.

Oh, man.

Dude, you know, you're really like a mean, nasty, fucked up nigga.

There you go.

Thank you.

Well, Zola knows a compliment when he hears one, apparently.

So, Zola, what are your thoughts?

You got to hear it then, I'm assuming you've heard this file, right?

Any thoughts on this before we play it in a little bit here?

Yeah, well, Lego actually said something intelligent for once.

It wasn't funny, but it was intelligent.

All right.

He said it's like a chemical imbalance.

The guy's a faggot anyway, and he's got some mental problem right there.

Anybody who's gay has got a fucking mental problem to begin with,

and then he's depressed, and he's an alcoholic,

so there's a million things going on here.

They'll play the clip, and then we'll get into it.

Well, okay, let me see if I can...

Oh, Jesus, that's going to kill me all night tonight with that shit.

All right, let me see if I can get this to work out, guys.

You guys are going to be on mute.

Hopefully, I can at least get the phone up to the speaker.

Douglas, you don't mind holding it?

This is, you know, you're doing the call here.

It's up to you.

Yeah, well, dude, what do I care, you know?

I'm just a fucking piece of chopped liver that didn't make it off the fork, it seems.

Well, apparently.

That's unfortunate.

No need to say that.

That's not true.

But, no, I'm serious.

I mean, we're not taking up your time, right?

All I know is I fucking get Zola on the phone

And right away he starts beating me up

I thought the fucking guy loved me

I don't know

I bet you guys had more love for each other

Alright hang on guys

Hopefully you can hear this

And hang on everybody for the first time

I hope I don't get in trouble for this with KDK

I played a clip already

Alright here we go

That's not it

It's just my genetic makeup

It's my lot in life

To always be miserable and unhappy

happy. You know how much I love you, right?

God, every day that you send me somebody

like you, fuck people without condoms.

I didn't even give a shit because

as far as I was concerned, if I

would die, it would just prevent me

from a life of unhappiness.

44 people listening,

so fuck you all. I hate you all.

Go ahead and eat shit and die.

That's what I have to say to everybody

out there. My life is not that

bad. I have a nice job.

I have a nice car. I have a nice

house. I have a beautiful boyfriend.

Give me a kiss.

But none of that takes anything away from the fact that I'm unhappy.

Crying so I'm going to go to a break.

I hate my life and I'm miserable and I'm going to kill myself.

Crying so I'm going to go to a break.

My life and I'm miserable and I'm going to kill myself.

You're somebody who could go out and make a lot out of your life if you weren't chained to a loser like me.

I'm not even drunk yet. That's the sad part.

It's been passed for goddamn so long it doesn't even matter anymore.

Because nobody out there realizes how miserable and happy I've been for so long.

It's such a pussy, but I'm serious.

It's so miserable and happy for so long that, you know, I should probably just cut the audio to end the show.

I've been talking about this on the air.

But that's what people want to hear.

People don't want to hear me, like, having fun and, like, fucking with people.

People want to hear me in pain.

How old am I? I'm 34 years old.

How old are you?

You'll be 27 in April.

So, I'm telling like a dirty old creep like Frank, man.

Oh, Jesus, God, fuck.

Anyway, you guys hear that?

Oof, yeah.

Yeah, we heard it.

I don't think you guys heard it, but that's nice.

So, okay, that's the first...

The feedback, we heard the feedback, we heard the feedback.

Okay, well good, the feedback is good.

See, that's the fucking phone, I swear to God.

You gotta get a landline.

I gotta get a landline, man.

You're fucking with a cord and shit.

I know, we got a big set up here, man.

Yeah.

Goddamn.

I'd like to break character of Zolar and be serious because Lego is, you know, a decent individual who, you know, tries to put out at least some kind of sentiment of caring and stuff like that where I'm just trying to be shocking and harsh.

And it's not right.

We think we should call KDK right now on the air if Lego would provide that service to us.

And we should tell him that we love him and that we appreciate the fact that he built this whole fucking area for us to be what we are.

And we need him around

And all that other good stuff

In all reality

Okay

I can't actually do it on this

Oh wait, you know what?

I can do it on this phone

Alright, let me do it

How can I do this?

Alright, I'm going to put you

Okay, I'm going to put you guys on

You guys should still be online

Listen, is this going to be like a major project for you?

No, no, I'll do it

I'll do it

Oh, then you do it

Then you do it

No one can do it

This is a big network we've got going on here, man

And we'll get him to focus

I called him today, but he didn't answer

Well, I'm going to get him on right now.

Zola will do it.

And even though, oh, see, I put his phone number under his real name.

I was looking for KDK, and I got him under his real name.

Hold on, here we go.

When I come back, we'll have, hopefully, KDK,

and we'll all get to express our true feelings

and not just trying to be a satirist Zola, okay?

Exactly.

While you do that, I will play the KDK theme song

from the movie Police Academy, the Blue Oyster Gay Bart music song.

Cool.

I heard it.

So, Lego, how's the weather up there?

It's not bad today.

Getting a little cold.

Oh, you're on the air.

You're on the air now.

Uh-huh.

Hey, everybody, KDK.

KDK, everybody.

Hello.

What's up, brother?

Not much.

I'm eating my dinner.

Listen, while you're eating your dinner, were you listening to Carlito?

Yeah.

And did you hear me bust on you?

Yeah.

Do you know I was kidding?

No, I think you're a scumbag.

I think you're kidding now.

No, no, no, no, no.

And at the end of him playing the clip, did you hear me say that, you know, I'm going

I'm going to break character and not be a satirist.

Everybody knows I'm crazy.

I have chemical imbalances.

I'm manic depressive and bipolar.

And you know what?

but if you don't like it, don't listen.

Right, but what I'm saying, though,

do you know I'm kidding when we say, you know,

we don't fucking bother, you know, when I'm being crass?

No, I think you're kidding now.

I think you really are an asshole.

I think, like me, I think you're a miserable person,

and instead of letting it out,

you lash out and attack everybody else.

But listen, the other guys, but what about the other guys?

That is your defensive wall.

Well, what about the other guys?

You know that they care, though, right?

Yeah, probably, on some level.

So then that's all that counts.

So then I'm going to fucking be quiet and let them speak,

so then this way you at least don't believe me

me that I care, because I'm the one who developed the fact that we wanted to get you on the

air and let you know, I'll be quiet and let them profess their love and caring for you.

Everything is fine. That's what may make the impression.

Hey, KDK.

Hello.

How you doing? It's Carlito. KDK.

Zolar.

Without Zolar?

What's going on?

Are you hearing this?

Yeah, I'm hearing you now.

Are we on the air, Carlito?

Yeah, we're on the air. I'm trying to speak to KDK. I wanted to say hi to KDK, but I

don't think he can hear me.

Yes, he can.

I can hear you.

KDK, I'm saying hi. How you doing?

Hey, how are you?

All right, I'm safe.

I just want to say hi to you.

Hello.

It's always a pleasure to talk to you.

And what are you having for dinner tonight?

I'm eating pizza.

Pizza?

Cool.

Frozen?

Did you order?

Look, KDK, KDK, listen.

All we want you to know is I'll speak for myself.

I'll speak for Zolar and Carlito and everybody out there.

We do care about you, bro.

We do.

That's not necessary.

I feel fine.

Okay, but I want you to know we all do care about you,

And we all appreciate, you know, everything you do

So we want you to know that

I know a lot of people appreciate all this garbage

What?

A lot of people appreciate all this garbage

Bro, I'm serious

I'm serious

I felt really bad last night, dude

I did too

Well, I'm sorry to put you through this

No, no, bro, it's okay

I'm just saying, you know, it's cool

But you gotta, just know that when you feel like that

You got people that really care about you

That's all, that's all I'm gonna say

I know

Alright, I'm glad you know it

But, KDK, I want to let you know that I would never say that I enjoy, like you said last night, hearing your pain.

That is something that's not true for my part.

I would never enjoy that.

I always have a great time listening to your good pranks and your music and all the funny things you say and all your comments on stuff that goes on.

I enjoy that.

And I would like you to know that I know myself and there are a lot of listeners out there.

When you said that, who were taken aback by that, KDK, and I feel that's not true.

True. I would just like to convey to you that I know for at least myself and my girlfriend, Athena,

that there is no way that we would ever get any enjoyment from hearing you in any type of vein that you'd be going through.

We do care about you because, you know, I respect you. I consider you a friend.

You know, we don't talk much. You're a busy guy, but maybe Zolar does.

But I just want, you know, I would like to say as far as I'm concerned.

No, no, no. I said I would bring character, and I did.

You enjoyed it enough to isolate the audio so that you could play it back at my expense.

Well, of course we're going to do that.

That's all in good fun, because you know that you're going to be fucking in the mood swing,

and you'll be back to normal.

I knew that, too.

I'm on Prozac right now.

Yeah, maybe I need some of that.

Yeah, it's really good.

It smooths me out lovely.

And of course we're going to poke fun at it and make light of it and all of that,

and now you're the object of ridicule for a couple of whatevers.

So what?

Who cares?

That's what this is all about.

Yeah.

And one day you'll have your turn at me,

because I'll have some fucking interesting episodes in my fucking days,

and I'll be here for that.

Yeah, look at the time he beat that nigger up and went to jail.

Well, you know, worse than that.

I'm sure it'll be much worse than that.

I'll have episodes.

Trust me.

Yeah, you know, bro, we all got our issues.

Nobody's perfect, but you know what?

PCU is a nice little family, and I think we really do legitimately care about each other.

Bro, nobody liked to hear that last night.

Seriously.

That was not cool, and we felt bad for you.

That's all.

I'm glad you're feeling better today.

I am, too.

I am, too, sir.

What kind of pizza are you having?

I hope not that Domino's shit.

No, just pepperoni pizza.

That Domino's gives me gas, like, you don't want to know, man.

I can't get Domino's anymore.

They won't deliver it here because listeners used to send pizzas over here all the time and shit.

Assholes.

Thanks, guys.

You see that new pizza they got with the little fucking, like, little gonads on the end of it?

The one at Jessica Simpson's?

I haven't seen that one.

Yeah, you pop them off.

That's a bunch of, man, pizza's a bunch of crap, too.

I would never, no, man, franchise my ass.

You get that from a mom-and-pop place, at least, right?

Or is it Frozen, Katie?

Yeah.

It's a mom-and-pop scene?

It's the only place I can get it because the chains won't deliver.

Pizza Hut.

What?

No, not that guy.

That sucks, man.

Does anybody here ever listen to that?

I had to request it.

I had to call up Domino's and I finally had to say, if you ever get an order from here, don't do it because, you know, it's not me.

I see.

Anybody here ever watch tech TV when it was back in the day when it was really tech TV?

I watched it back when it was ZDNet TV, wasn't it not?

Okay, cool.

Remember, did you ever see the thing Kevin Rose did that he showed a way where you can get free pizza?

Man, that is, you know what, I saw that, yeah, what he said, I chipped a tooth on this pizza, can I get a free pizza?

No, no, what he did, here's what he did, which I thought was really, it's called, it's like social engineering.

I've got that.

He followed, he walked in the door, followed like a couple into a pizza place, they ordered a pizza, he listened to the order, he listened to the order name and their name.

Then, about a half hour later, he calls up on the phone.

He says, listen, I ordered this pizza.

He tells him exactly what it was, the order number.

And he says, yeah, but we'll give you another pizza.

And he walks back over to the place.

The guy remembers him because he looked like he was with the couple.

Yeah, I'm apparently trying to find this.

I want to try that one day.

No, I can't do it now because...

You don't know who...

Yeah, you don't know what...

They're not going to want the old pizza back.

Yeah, like a pepperoni pizza.

You know, at least one person...

You send something back in.

Do you think they...

I know they're spitting that shit.

If you're rude to the waitresses, if you're picky about your order,

if you complain about anything, you're eating some kind of DNA.

You've got a manic-depressive cook.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think, I mean, you know, but you know what they deserve?

If you're a dick to somebody, you know, you deserve to eat boogies.

Yeah, exactly.

I agree.

I told the story where I ate pissed in pancake mix for fucking months.

What? Who?

Right there.

What?

Didn't I tell you the story on your airwaves where fucking I kept going back to the same McDonald's

where the guy was pissing in my pancake mix?

Oh, yeah.

What?

Well, that's what happens.

You never be rude to people who are going to be in contact with food for you.

Andy agrees.

Andy doesn't ever talk to K.A.K.

Why don't you pick him up?

Andy works in the restaurant industry.

Have you ever seen him?

You have never done anything like that.

I haven't.

If you don't like the food, just don't go back.

Or if you're going to complain,

you know that you should probably never, ever go back.

You know, I'll tell you, like, if I worked in a food place

and, like, there was some really hot chick that I knew that I would never get,

but she comes to get food there, I would totally fucking jerk a load in her food.

Wow.

That's kind of...

You wouldn't?

No, that's just weird.

What good does that do you?

I save my sperm up.

Yeah, but you know, dude, no, seriously, it, you know, it's like, it's a way of saying,

alright, you know what, you may never go out with me, but you're gonna fucking eat

my cum.

Wow.

You got issues if you do that.

See?

You thought you had issues.

That's more hateful than anything Zolaard does.

I'm gonna cum in your mouth one way or another.

Zolaard would just beat her up.

on the top of the head

with a crowbar

and drag it

into his car

into his fucking car.

Hey, you want

a Zolot story?

Yeah.

Here we go.

Go ahead.

Is everybody ready

for a Zolot story

or do you want

to skip it

and let me save it?

No, no, no.

We love Zolot stories, man.

This is great.

You see how I share?

I do this on

fucking Carlito's Madhouse

instead of saving it

for tomorrow night.

This is the

Lego Zolot show.

I know a guy.

What?

This is the

Lego Zolot show right now

but go ahead.

Please continue.

See how I give you

the credit though?

I always mention your name.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

I want to hear the Zohar story.

All right, well, I know a guy.

You're supposed to say, yeah, okay, you're right, it's a guy.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, yeah, okay, a guy.

All right, you're not.

What did he do?

He worked in this place where there was a lot of, let's say, secretaries and stuff like that, you know,

fucking hot women around who had their own cubicles and desks and everything like that.

And you know how women are, the way they always, like, you know, carry a lot of products around.

Well, if you ever were in an office where a lot of women worked,

You'll notice that in every desk that a woman works at, she has hand lotion.

So I know a guy who used to work later than everybody else in that office,

and he used to go around and leave a little DNA sample.

Every night, a different fucking hand lotion jar,

and then shake it up real good to get it mixed in.

And then, of course, sit back and giggle for the rest of the year

while they use the hand lotion.

Nice.

You know, he probably did it in the bathroom too, man.

If you ever washed your hands in that bathroom with soap,

you came on your hands.

You gave him a handjob, pretty much.

Yeah, but you see, like, see, I like that.

I like that. That's cool.

But that's not the same as, like, fucking blowing a load

in your bologna sandwich and making the chick eat it, you know?

Yeah, no, no, that's definitely not.

But, I mean, rubbing it into your skin is kind of degrading also.

Guys, let me ask you, can I do a countdown real quick?

I'll have you order real quickly here, roundtable style.

If any sandwich were to have to be ejaculated in

and you eat it without your knowledge,

which one would you want it to be and why?

I would say a Reuben sandwich. Zolar?

Okay, me, I would take, like, Whopper cheese with, Whopper with cheese.

Too small.

Lego?

I would go with a, what do you call that, the Philadelphia cheese stick.

Okay, that's a little better.

KDK, are you there with us?

And the Italian grinder.

Italian grinder.

Andy, you want to chime in?

Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich.

Oh, good, yeah, good idea.

All right, very good.

No, that was very interesting.

I like that.

We should do that more often here.

That's good.

We have so much talent here.

Results from the answers, though?

No, I was just trying to see what your guys' opinion was.

That's all.

Have you ever seen that Whopper with cheese?

You know, it's got that special sauce on it and shit.

You never know what it is anyway.

You talk about the Rodeo Whopper?

Is that the one you're talking about?

Isn't it?

The Whopper Royale.

We're in France.

No, no, no.

There's a Rodeo Whopper that they put barbecue sauce and an onion ring on it,

and it's a Whopper Junior.

I think it's called a Rodeo Whopper Junior or something like that.

I've never heard of it.

I don't know.

Whatever.

Okay, I don't know too much about Burger King, okay?

So what can I say?

All right, well, KDK, thank you very much for calling in.

I will not call on in, but thank you for putting up with us.

And like I said before, we will not mention this anymore in the air.

We'll continue doing pranks.

That's what we need to be doing here, guys.

Yeah, pranks.

Enjoy your dinner.

But we did want you to know.

Yeah, well, yeah, it's been said.

It's been said.

But, yeah, all right, it's been said.

Lego, anything you'd like to say here before we disconnect?

No, man, I'm just, you know, have a great rest of the show.

And, you know, I'm glad KDK's all right and you guys are doing a great job.

And I'll be on tomorrow night

Zola will be on tomorrow night

And we'll have a fun time

That's all

Lego would have a bagel

Because he's a Jew

That's what Noon was saying

In the chat room about you

Like we should kick his ass

You know what

I'm not going to kick him off

You know what

Fuck him

You know what

Last week I had a little problem

With Little Evil Neo

You know what

Fuck her

Fuck them all

I love them all

I love this gay shit sometimes man

God

I'm sorry

It's just crazy

That whole little culture

Listen

You know whatever

I'm a Jew

I eat a bagel.

Let me ask you this.

You're not, you know, listen, bagels are good.

There's a lot of non-Jews that like bagels.

No, you don't like bagels?

No.

I don't like an everything bagel.

I'd rather eat a piece of toast.

You know, who in their right mind would like an onion bagel?

You know, that tastes like shit.

It tastes like burnt fucking onion on top of a bagel.

Yeah, I agree.

That's the nastiest bagel, or a garlic bagel.

I get a plain, maybe a salt bagel.

You know, you get your egg bagel.

Blueberry muffins are dang.

Blueberry muffins?

Yep.

Yeah, man, blueberry pancakes are the shit, though.

Chocolate pancakes at IHOP, though.

Hell yeah, man.

With chocolate sauce on them.

With chocolate sauce and whipped cream.

And ice cream.

All right, guys.

Well, there, we're done reminiscing.

Zolar, any parting words?

Thank you for asking, yes.

I'd like to say that it was very nice of you to afford us this opportunity to reach out to a friend in need

and to find out that he is faring well and makes me sleep a lot better.

Well, Zolar, I know what they say.

A friend in need is a friend indeed, but how's it go?

I say a friend with weed is a friend indeed.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's how you say it.

All right.

Well, KDK, you have a good night.

Lego and Zolar do the same.

Lego and Zolar and KDK, thank you for being a part of this.

Someone hung up there.

All right.

We'll talk to you all on the air tomorrow night.

See you tomorrow night.

I'm actually hanging up.

Peace out, my brothers.

Hey, Lego, I'm going to play what you were talking about here in about two seconds, so

if you want to hear it.

All right, my Negro.

All right, man.

Later.

Peace out.

Bye.

Okay, that was Lego, Zolar, and KDK.

Any thoughts on that, Andy?

We have no idea what was going on, probably.

Yeah, a lot of stroking of egos, and, um, yeah.

It felt like the men of the Guerrilla Clan just got together and beat their chests.

Alright, here's someone who's gonna call and tell us how lame it was.

Hey man, this sucks.

Oh, that was lame.

Yo, yo, why you suck?

Make a phone call.

Yo, why KDK so gay?

You're on the air.

Yes, hello?

You're in the madhouse, go ahead.

Huh?

Hello?

Yes, you're on.

I saw that, it was like, thing KDK.

He what?

In the street.

Did you see?

Yeah, he was throwing a load of dirty hints there.

That's Zolar's style.

No, but he was saying, he was like, yeah, maybe they have a manic depression.

Are you serious?

I didn't, oh, my God.

What are you eating?

No way.

Are you eating?

Oh, my God.

Did you really?

Oh, my God.

What?

What are you eating?

Me?

Yeah.

A bagel.

Aw.

What do you got, a tongue ring or something?

Who are you talking to?

Who is this?

This is MC Emo.

Mickey Emo.

MC Emo.

Do you have a tongue ring?

Raiden.

What?

Raiden?

Raiden.

Oh, Raiden.

Almost a what?

What?

Fell for it.

No one's done this since 97.

He's not that bright.

He's great.

Anyway.

So, hey, dude.

What's up?

Did you have something you want to say about the conversation you were saying

when the Zolar was dogging KDK?

You're right.

He totally came out and...

Oh, yeah, but Zolar was right.

Y'all are all saying, yeah, he's being mean, but he's being right.

And what was the home rule?

They're not right.

It's just not right.

Has one touched you?

you? Nothing? Did something bad happen to you? You alright, man? Yeah. McGee-mo. McGee-mo.

Gee. Oh, I didn't know it was your St. Patrick's Day name. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, my bad, dude.

Oh, yeah, I thought you were McGee-mo. Yeah, McGregor. That's right, that's Scottish.

You like emo music and you're Irish. McKinty. No, it's a joke. Oh, that's funny. Are you

emo? I like that. No. How old are you? Let me guess, 17, Andy? Am I what? How old are

do you think he is? I'm saying 17.

No, 16.

19. Lower. 13.

12. Higher. 14.

I said first, I said first, I said

14. Yeah.

Are all the gay kids at

your school beating you up and shit, or?

No, actually. Gay kids?

Come here, get into your

lunch money, McEmo. Come here,

breeder.

Is that the problem?

Is there a retarded kid that goes there?

Yeah, there's a lot of them.

There's a bunch of classes.

There's, like, eight teachers for them.

Did you ever play tag with them?

Like, did you run over and tag them and see if they'll change you?

No, but they've been in my gym class, so I actually have.

You should try.

You know what?

Start a game of tag with them.

We had some guy that used to do this at our school when we went to high school.

Yep.

Richard Brantley.

Yep.

And, yeah, teach one of those retards how to play tag, and people can tag him all year.

Would he like to die, or what?

No, he used to look like a rat and drop his pants back up.

Yeah, he got it on his ankles.

Yeah.

He was crazy.

And if he rode something on his...

The guy was crazy.

He was like fucking Rain Man, but like a monkey Rain Man.

One time he leapt onto the roof of a...

Yeah, and went like...

Who never heard of him?

So you're...

You are...

Would you say you're homophobic?

Proud to say that.

Right.

Are you...

Do you go to church a lot or anything like that?

Uh, no, man.

An atheist?

It would be a Christian thing there for a second.

You know what I mean?

I thought it was one of those...

Oh, you're Republican or you're conservative?

I'm a libertarian.

A libertarian?

And you're anti-homosexual?

Yeah, they're not anti-homosexual at all.

Dude, you're out of your mind.

There's a lot of homo...

Like, I would say...

They're 99% homosexual.

Homosexual, yeah.

They're lesbian.

You gotta do some reading.

Yeah, well, he's young.

He doesn't know.

Yeah, he doesn't know.

He's getting his...

Have you ever read that book?

I don't care, dude.

It's all fucked up anyway.

Um, yeah.

So, hey, thanks for calling in, man.

Thank you for calling.

And, uh, you want to give any shout...

Anybody want to give a shout-out to you?

Are you going to get a show, too?

Yeah.

Are you going to get a show?

Do you want to go on a show?

That'd be homosexual?

Yeah.

Oh, see.

Well, you should call KDK's show.

You should go to the show, too.

You should call and talk to KDK.

Every 14-year-old should have a show.

This guy has a lot of hate for homosexuals, man.

He's making a big deal of it.

There's nothing wrong with it.

That's how you feel.

But not KDK.

So?

He doesn't...

He probably doesn't...

Well, now he's heard it.

But don't worry about it, man.

Who cares?

He doesn't care.

There's a lot of homophobic people.

We'll go back and bleep it.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's been people in here who, like, have heard on the air that KDK is gay,

and they'll say, I'm never coming back, and they'll leave the chat room and they never come back.

I've seen that twice.

There's also people who have heard that Carlos is bereaved.

I just come back first.

I know.

That's why I keep talking.

The only straight people here are me, Andy, and Zolar.

Yeah.

Lego's gay.

Everybody else is gay.

Yeah.

Joop is gay.

He's gay.

Is this a pimp that's gay?

I think so.

Yeah, I think he is, too.

He gets out of your nurse?

He wants to be a nurse.

Oh, you want to be a nurse?

Yeah.

That's a good job, man.

Man, good luck with that.

There's nothing gay about being a male nurse.

I like Zora's almost.

You like him.

Then you want to be a male nurse, so that's all right, man.

Okay.

Well, hey, we're going to go.

Hey, thank you for calling, dude.

All right, peace out.

Later, man.

One.

Later.

Very homophobic.

Who's that again?

That was, um, McEmo Brandon.

Braden?

McLittle Evil Neo.

Um, yeah, the new generation of hate.

The new generation of hate.

But he says he's libertarian, but he's very homophobic.

I don't get that.

Wow.

Is that the misnomer?

Jesus, who's this now?

Oh, I know exactly who this is.

Who is it?

Look at the caller ID.

Can you see it?

Look at that.

Who's that?

It's Grim Reaper, everybody.

Grim Reaper PCU.

I don't think we've ever talked.

Caller, you're on the air.

Go ahead.

Hey, man.

Is that dang old Turd Burglar, man?

What's going on, man?

What's up, Turd Burglar?

How you doing?

Oh, shit.

Just hanging out.

All right.

Turd Burglar, do me a favor real quick.

Explain to Andy.

He's never heard you before.

What is your profession?

How do you make your money?

How do you money make?

I steal turds.

Oh, you don't sell turds, man.

Isn't that crazy?

Wow.

We have more tissue than life-spanning dogs.

How old are you?

23.

You know what I heard today on the radio?

And tell me if you know anything about this.

You can sign up for cadaver schools.

And that they rent.

I heard it was on Primetime last night.

Primetime on ABC.

That they're like these agencies will rent out like a ballroom in a Hilton or something like that.

And on the tables they'll have a bunch of cadavers and stuff like that.

and you can go if you pay enough money you can use the the autopsy tools and

stuff like that if you're you know anything about that it's not there's a

school here in Texas that does that and what it is is like you basically prepare

the bodies for the med students to come in and like and it's to you know a

dentist has to dissect a human head you know like a boom head thing that's true

you got the kind of sure what happened be a fucking nasty that that'd be enough

That's to keep me from being a dentist, you know.

Here's a sports update in the second half of 5-26 left.

Syracuse is losing.

Number 5, Syracuse, is losing by 6 to Texas A&M, 49-43,

which would mean that I would be winning that bet on my bracket at work.

Andy, you're winning your San Diego State over Indiana, is that correct?

Yeah, I called that one.

Yeah, 61-53.

They probably don't push that much in.

No, it said it was real-time when I clicked on it.

I don't buy that.

I'll put it to you.

we haven't watched it

this guy made this awesome prank on me

once we called it

this is a number for 12 free goats

that I got off in San Francisco

and I want to call them as a satanic cult

12 free goats

yeah that's confirmed

little kid answered

we don't confirm this

ok I see it here

12 free goats you pick up San Francisco

I see here that now

and I'm going to call it right now for you Turd Burglar

Turd Burglar you had a great show on Monday night

we got to get together so I can

and help you finalize setting all that up, all right?

Well, you know what I did yesterday is I got the new Motorola Sliver phone

with speakerphone, so that pretty much fixes my audio,

and then I just need to get with you on playing the music through the wind.

Okay, I got you.

That's really easy to do.

It's hard to explain, but it's not that.

I think I can, if you figure out how to stream my, you know, connect to my stream,

I think I can figure out how to do this for you.

Yeah, in like six minutes.

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. Hopefully you'll be, uh, this guy had an audition on Monday, Andy, and he did pretty good.

Oh, yeah? I didn't hear that.

Yeah. He had a few audio trouble, but, you know, for the most part, I think he did a good job, so there it is.

I only played, like, five songs. I was on for, like, four hours. Like, wow.

Yeah, that's cool. That's cool. All right. Well, here we go.

We're going to call the 12 Free Goats, everybody, with Turd Burglar on the line.

Andy, hang that up there if you don't mind. There you go. Thank you.

We'll be right back after this, everybody.

Hi, you calling about what?

Hi, this is Damien. Is this?

Are you cutting out? You're calling about what?

I have 12 free goats.

Say that one more time, please. The cleats?

The goats.

The goats?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, you have the wrong number. We do not have goats.

No, I think I have the right number.

And you're, like, goats, animals, goats?

Well, actually, my name's Damien. I didn't catch you at a bad time, did I?

Well, yeah, you, no, you didn't catch me at a bad time, but what are you calling about?

out? Well, this is going to be hard for me to really say, but I'm one of your daughter's

friends. Uh-huh. Well, I think she's pregnant. I'm sorry, say that again. Well, we kind of

have a club, me and a couple guys, and she's been hanging out with us for about two months

now. I wouldn't necessarily say that we're dating, but I think it's all kind of a mutual

thing, and she missed her period last month, and she hasn't had it again this month. What

daughter's name everybody's here in the same room we just wanted to kind of call you as a group and

let you know that that we want to be here you know regardless of of which one of it is we could each

pitch in like like 10 bucks a month yeah my name is alfonso and i might be the father too yeah yeah

okay do you know my daughter's name look we uh one of the the things about our our club is we all

we all kind of use nicknames i guess i'm i'm damien and then there's alfonso and uh there's

a few others here, but we're kind of a religious organization, and she went by Junebug, and

we're more or less kind of a support group, and we don't really ask for names.

We all had sex together in the hides of March, and there it is. That's our celebration of

the fertility queen in our culture. It was in the woods and everything.

How did you get this number?

Well, she gave it to us. We've called before.

My daughter gave you this number.

Is that what you're saying?

And my daughter's name is?

Why do y'all keep asking us that?

We call her Junebug.

I'm Damien.

Alfonso is here.

She tastes like sweet butter.

Why am I asking you that?

Because I'm her father.

That's why I'm asking.

Why are you calling me?

We think she's pregnant.

And being that we've already kind of got a bad reputation,

Church of the Antichrist,

well, I mean, you know, it's just tough enough.

My daughter's 11 years old.

Do you have any idea what you're doing right now?

Well, it's a...

Apparently you don't.

I can have the police called on you right now and you can go to jail for a long time.

How about that?

Well, it's kind of a win-win situation for both of us.

It's a win-win? Explain that to me.

Well, there's four of us, and we were all going to chip in $10.

For what?

Hey, man, do you play basketball?

Why are you asking me that question?

Well, we heard you like to play basketball.

You

guys, are you serious?

No.

No?

No, you're not. You're not serious. This is a joke.

Where is it?

You guys need to find something else to do with your lives besides this.

How much on and over there is?

This is pathetic.

Hey, sir, how much over there on it is?

Excuse me?

How much over there on it is.

Yes.

Do you have any idea what you just said?

Absolutely, sir.

That makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.

Do you know the English language?

Are you familiar with English language?

Do you know how I money make?

I got bad news.

That guy has my phone number, man.

I forgot to block it.

I just guessed on the daughter thing.

She would have said, I don't have a daughter, but I'm like your son.

She's got my number.

I had to steer it away because I realized I forgot to block the number again because I'm using his new process

So I had to make sure that he knew

Yeah, that was what the hell you doing cat by the way, I'm Tim's foot. Hey, yeah

Yeah, yeah, we didn't ever announce that. I'm sorry Pam's what that's crazy. Yeah, I'm crazy man. That was a good prank man

No turd burglar

Yeah, stupid.

What?

Oh, wait.

I thought you said he was tur-

Yeah, I thought you were saying you were a pimp.

You're fucking dumb.

I'm not dumb, man.

I'm just high.

That's-

Fuck you, man.

Oh, bro.

You've been like that all the time.

Yappy-ass dog.

All right, man.

We're going to let you go.

Thank you for calling, though.

It was very, very fun.

Very fun.

Yeah, all right, guys.

I'm sure somebody's going to boycott the show because of child abuse, but it was just a joke, guys.

Yeah, yeah.

It always happens.

All right, dude.

It's happened before, and I'm not joking.

It's happened before in here.

Yeah, no, I was there.

You were there for her, that's right.

All right, man.

We'll catch you later, man.

Thanks for calling.

Always a pleasure.

All right, man.

Bye.

Okay, Turd Burglar.

Wow.

Turd Burglar, everybody.

That was a special call.

That was very special.

That was a good call.

Good prank call.

That guy has my number now.

Now I'm paranoid.

Yeah.

You could come back here and kill you.

He was about to believe it.

That was the scariest part.

Yeah.

I know, wasn't it?

He was in the...

Yeah, man, I would have been way madder than that.

I really wish...

Oh, here he goes.

He's sitting right there.

Watch.

Well, someone was trying to call in.

Anyway, if you do want to call in, it's 1-888-278-8509.

Again, our toll-free line here is 1-888-278-8509,

but I'm going to turn it off real quick because I need to use the restroom.

Anyway, so you like that prank then, Andy?

That's good, huh?

Yeah, you know, it was funny.

It was also, like, you know, evil.

Evil at the same time?

Yeah, you know, evil and funny.

trying to open the brakes here

so I can go to break

I hope they understand that it's fake

I'm sure they do if not

because they didn't seem very smart

even though they spoke well

they didn't seem very bright

whatever they'll have to understand

they're going to drive over here to their Lexus and hit you with golf clubs

probably

and I deserve it

for letting that go like that

anyway guys I'm going to take a quick break

I'll be right back and you're going to stay it's midnight

I don't know if you...

Yeah, I'll stay for, like,

you know, one more segment.

One more segment.

Okay.

Got it.

I don't know.

You're the one who's got to work in the morning.

I'm fine.

I keep going for, like,

another half hour, 45 minutes

after I take this break, so...

Great.

Yeah.

Shut up, cat.

All right.

I'm not going to play this shit,

but I'm going to play this.

We're back after this, everybody.

You're listening to

the Madhouse PCU Radio

on Thursday, the 16th of March.

And be sure to send your prank request

to AOL Instant Messenger Madhouse Radio.

This is now 1155.

We'll be right back at midnight.

What's up, everybody?

We're back.

Oh, you're only on one side?

Yeah, there we go.

There we go.

Yeah.

What's up, people?

We're back in the madhouse.

It's now 12.03.

Yeah.

That sucks.

I got to block my number from now on, man.

I wanted to find out if we're being broadcast on HitCity or not before I start giving them a shout-out.

Cool.

Well, hi to everybody on HitCity.

I didn't even give them a shout out yet.

We like you.

We love you.

I didn't even see Austin Moore on here, but I guess we are.

We're being broadcast tonight on Hit City, everybody out there.

Hit City is, you know what happened?

You know how I knew we were on there?

Because he had 28 listeners when we started, and now it's down to six.

What else does he play?

Music?

He plays music.

He just plays like Top 40, I think.

Yeah, when we go on, people hate it.

He's on iTunes.

Like, you can find his station on iTunes.

And he says, he told me I could do it.

But he showed me how.

And I could get so many listeners by doing that.

There's like a few comedy stations.

Anyway, iTunes.

Anyway, he gets like 32.

He maxes out.

He can have 32 listeners at once.

Until we come on.

Yeah, and then, yeah, we lose all his.

But he likes us.

Now since we started talking, like, more are leaving.

They just now realize that we weren't playing rap music and now we're going to start talking again.

Exactly.

Now, see, we'll see.

And we're watching that.

We're down to five now.

It was 6-1-0.

So, hi to everybody in HitCity listening to The Madhouse.

You can catch us at kdkprankcalls.com.

That's KDK, as in kill, death, kill.

KDKprankcalls.com

Lonesome Loser is missing.

We're not going to do much more show.

We haven't really done a lot of pranks tonight, right?

We've had good pranks.

It's been emotional.

Yeah, it's been an emotional show, but we've had really good prank calls, though.

Turd Burglars, we know we don't let people call back in,

but he wants to do the Satanist cult thing.

As long as I remember that.

Explain what happened with that call.

Why it went horribly wrong.

The last one we just did.

I did not block my number.

Oh, yeah.

He sent us the wrong number.

He sent us a number for, you were laughing about this when we were coming back from break,

and I forget things so easily because I'm stupid.

A girls softball team.

It was a girls softball, or they're selling softball cleats for girls or something like that.

I don't know.

So we called the wrong dude.

The girl we were talking about, the 11-year-old, was her cleats.

We called her by goats.

We had a little snafu.

So Turd Burglar, I don't even know if the toll-free lens is on, man.

Let me see.

I don't know how we got through.

That's weird.

Anyway, Turr Burglar, give us a call back.

I suppose it's okay.

We had a misfire there.

If you know the toll-free line, call it back, and we'll try that now.

There we go.

It's activated.

Whoop-de-doo.

What other numbers do I have here that we can call?

Church of Scientology.

I don't know if they're going to be open still.

It's 9 p.m. on the West Coast.

Yeah, that'd be great anyway.

A gay-sounding guy answered saying Church of Scientology.

That would be funny if they're still there.

I don't know.

No. As Milkman would say, what do I do? I don't know.

Let's try to get, is Milkman available right now?

He has a message.

It really sucks without Milkman.

And Brandon Ramirez says, hi.

Hey, he's Hispanic. He wouldn't talk like that.

No, Milkman isn't on. No milk today.

Sorry. That sucks.

So, your thoughts and prayers are with us.

Milkman.

So, he was calling in.

Make sure this isn't the original number here.

Okay, good. It's not.

Let me guess. Is this Pim Slut?

Who is this?

What's up there, nigga?

Who?

Motherfucking Beach Boy.

East Boy.

This is East Boy.

Wow.

East Boy.

All right.

Where are you supposed to be from, East Boy?

Beach Boy, motherfucker.

Beach Boy.

Where do you represent?

Oh.

California, man.

It's California.

Oh, what's up, California?

How you doing, man?

Did you move, man?

What happened with that?

We haven't even seen you back.

I moved.

And what's up with the internet?

Not having it yet?

Yeah, I got the internet.

Huh.

All right.

I haven't seen you around.

You always be in the chat room.

I'm busy.

I'm back home.

I can't be.

Happens it sucks man, but it's good to talk to you what you've been up to man

So you moved and everything you moved back to California, right? Okay, and you were where again?

I'm trying to remember you were somewhere in the Midwest. I think right

Was St. Louis East Houston, okay, Houston, okay

So what are you are you in school right now, man? Yeah, I'll take one class just one

So you're not even a part-time student right now that well if you go a little bit you're part-time if they two classes

No, I gotta go to school for three periods, but like one period, TA.

Oh, we're talking about high school or college right now?

High school. You can only go for what? For one class? That's all you take right now?

You're a senior? Or what?

Is that the only class you have to take for your diploma? Is that what's going on?

Or what's your status? What's going on?

Because I'm already a... I only failed one class.

Okay, so you make up this class and you don't do nothing for the rest of the year?

Well, the year will be over by the time you make up the class, right?

Yeah, I got...

Okay, and then you'll be done, you'll get your diploma, you're gonna walk and all that shit.

Then I go.

Why do you prank?

Not really. It's up to my fans.

It's been a while. So who do you want to say what's up to? Anybody in particular. I can let you know what's been going on.

You didn't get to hear the KDK drama, did you? If you're not online then.

I did listen.

You did? Any thoughts on that? From an outsider's perspective, as it may be.

Anybody you'd like to say hi to who hasn't heard from you in the last... God, it's been like a month now at least.

Very, very good.

Holiday man, he's not available. He's having some issues technically tonight and has not been able to

He said that at 1033 I was like

Hit it like five times

I'll fix that here in a second. Okay

Not to ignore you. I'm sorry about that, California. So you just not gonna come back to the chat room

Okay, all right, California all right good talking to you and please don't be a stranger

Try to get back in that chat room, man.

It was good having you in there.

All right.

You take care of yourself.

Good peace.

You like that, huh?

I knew he was going to say peace, so I was just trying to get in at the exact same time.

All right.

California, everybody, checking in.

It's been a while since we talked to that cat.

Awesome.

The Church of Scientology looks like it was just confirmed.

A woman answered at the Church of Scientology.

Isn't that just they based the religion on some kind of book that got written?

Yeah.

Some kind of sci-fi book?

Dianetics.

Well, the guy created it.

Diabetics?

Dianetics.

Let's see what this is.

All right, good.

You can get that goat's call here.

Caller, go ahead.

You're on the air.

Terry Burglar, what's up?

Hello, is this Carlito?

Yes, it most definitely is.

He's sounding like such a valley girl right now.

What's that all about?

Hey.

See, there you go.

There's a great idea for you.

Awesome.

Hey, KDK.

I love you.

I hope you feel better.

Yeah, he'll be fine.

Don't worry about that.

Okay, we have the right number now for the goats.

Get some fucking goats.

Goats.

Let's get some goats.

Let's kill some fucking goats.

Okay, I see it here.

Let me give you the right number, he says.

Okay.

Thanks for that.

clicked on something with some girl's cleats and that was the girl yeah well this time i'll try to

remember to block my number also so we'll be okay should i play here not that not that all right

hang on dude we'll be right back with that call

I just got on stage dripping porn with sweat.

I was walking through the crowd, and guess who I met?

I whispered in her ear, come to the picture booth,

so I can sequester to see if you're 100 proof.

I asked her her name, she said, blah, blah, blah.

I told you I liked the show, she said I was very amused.

I saw her going back mid-range, but when I sprung the question,

she acted kind of strange.

Then when I asked, do you have a man, she tried to pretend.

She said, no, I don't, I only have a friend.

Come on.

The number you have answered is not correct.

Who's that again?

Please enter the number you wish to call.

You got what I need.

He just a friend.

Oh, baby.

Just having a friend.

You know crime.

Miss Agatha, Jermaine, and Jack.

The story's been forwarded to an automatic voicemail.

8-2-5-3-8.

It's not available.

Two pages.

Damn it, man.

That's horrible.

Sorry.

Yeah, that's bullshit.

I called a minute ago and some guy answered.

Yeah, that might be why he didn't answer again, though.

You know?

Wow.

I always say that.

That could have happened.

All right, man.

Well.

Well, save it.

I don't know if he'll be selling goats next week, but...

Who knows?

You never know.

Who knows, man?

All right, man.

Well, you keep me posted whether or not you're going to be on Monday,

so I can, you know, spread the word.

Yeah, I'm ready to go on on Monday,

so I guess it's up to Pimp Slut to see what's going on.

Okay.

We talked about both going on and just as a...

Good luck with that then, man.

Much love, guys.

Thanks, Joe.

All right.

We'll catch you later, man.

Always nice to say goodbye to somebody twice in a while.

Okay.

How about one more call, Andy?

Sure.

yeah well he said to call he wants to call let me try to call milkman hang on at least so we

can talk to him we'll play his theme song here this is the theme song

see him playing this naked with a sword he's going through like exercises he has like 10

german cross tattoos yeah it was like a little iron yeah look at this the guy who does

Motorcycle Jesse J

Now we gotta get him to pick up

Hey Milkman

What? How you doing?

Hey listen here god dammit I don't know you looking for

goats there alone I'm looking for

Curry goat? Curry goat you freaks

Alright, hiya. I held your old problems

man, beef for ya

Can we hear some uh, what's the name?

Rascal Scooter please. Fucker come over

here. Oh yes. This is not Rascal

This is not the Rascal Scooter. This is real

Rascal Scooter man, listen here

Here, you guys, you got my, you got my housekeeper all of shit, y'all.

Milkman, how you doing, man?

Shit all good, Alito.

Nothing, how you doing? What's going on? We can't hear from you.

People are asking if you'd like to just say you're having technical issues, right? Everything's all right?

Yes, everything's okay. I'm not feeling all that well, but I'm just having some connection issues on my end.

So, apologize to everybody in the madhouse that I'm doing tonight by the satellite link.

But by next week, hopefully, we'll have it all straightened out and everything will be ready to go.

Hopefully, God willing.

I'm mad.

That sounds great.

Two niggers.

No, I'm sorry.

We'll nigger them.

Anyways.

No, man.

I love my bros.

Man, my people.

I'm kidding.

Well, hey.

We hope...

I might pocket pool a little bit better, though.

Well, yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

That's great.

That's the best thing to do when you're standing in line.

That's what I do when I'm at the bank.

Anyway, let me ask you a question.

if you don't mind yeah hopefully we're gonna have you know it was we missed you here last night it

wasn't the last night tonight i'm saying it was horrible not having you on so hopefully you'll be

on next week right no you did great man i love those calls you did them dude you was like the

call this and the best ones we've done for a while he got i think we steer clear of my hand

your boner number man my hair and my teeth also seriously uh like zolar says let's stay out of

character. How long is your hair? My hair? Yeah. No, the hair on the top of your head.

Oh, that one. I'm actually, I'm bald, man. You're bald? No, you're not. Yeah, man. Yeah,

and I got a head wig I wear, man, so it looks like I got a little fuzz up there, but actually

I'm a big old fucking chrome dome, dude. Are you serious? Yeah, man, I could like send

you like a Morse code off the top of my head if I took my hat off on a bright day.

I thought you had hair down to your ass.

Oh, okay, wait a minute.

Alright, that's right.

You gotta remember, we're stupid. We'll listen to anything you say.

Milkman, what are you wearing right now?

And this is not a gay question.

I'm not wearing no pants!

Where's my pants?

You can never get a straight answer.

He's such an enigma.

Where's my goddamn pants at?

It's funny when we can actually understand you.

I know, right?

This is the best we've ever heard from Milkman since the show started.

I can't believe it, man.

I always thought you were hacking up your logo.

You're laughing.

That's what you do all the time.

He's laughing.

That's why I thought you were about to die.

He sounds like Dave Curl.

Milkman, hook us up with your sign-off, your goodbyes here real quick.

Hey, hi, man.

I want to give a quick shout-out to my bro, Kill Each Boy, whatever that is.

Hey, shout-out to Madman who provided us with this wonderful voice

so we could all come in and tickle your ear balls.

I know you'll come back around, man, and I'll try and help out.

If I ever get a chance, I'll talk to you and freak it out.

KDK, thank you so much for benevolence to you.

It gives us our wonderful shot here to come on and play some Madhouse.

Man, my brother.

Man, no, man.

Keeps me in here, man, on the old arc.

God-friendly.

So be my crushes.

Milkman, I don't know if you can talk about this,

but I read a post of Ellie saying she's going to lose her Internet access

because of her daughter.

Are you at liberty to talk about that?

Feel free not to.

Well, okay.

I don't know if it's a shakedown or not,

but this morning went through in detail.

Internet transactions are made with things.

There's going to be a disconnection in the media.

It's hard to say.

Turn anytime soon.

Milkman, this is Ellie, and we hope to...

And this is the daughter?

This is a daughter, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Ellie has a young daughter, and, you know,

I'm sure there's a long time piece he lives to tell, and then...

Yeah, without going into detail,

I think everybody we've seen in history, that young, uh, young minor has been...

There may be a immediate...

I don't blame her.

There are...

Take a little bit of time on her part.

Yeah, do what you gotta do as a parent, I suppose.

Well, Milkman, thank you very much for calling, Milkman.

Hey, thank you for coming in tonight to the madhouse.

You guys doing that because of COVID.

Honestly, goddammit, get up, kid.

Yeah, I know.

We gotta make an appearance.

But it wouldn't be a show without at least talking to you, so I had to make sure we called you here, at least at the end, so you could do your thing.

Well, brother, Hermano, thank you so much for my night, man.

You done cheered me up, man.

All right.

Peace out to all my brothers and sisters out there, man.

Hermano, I love you, man.

Thanks a lot.

Andy, take care of my bro, man.

Peace out, Milkman.

We'll talk to you later, man.

I'll catch you later.

All right.

See you soon, man.

All right.

Call me anytime.

Hey, send me the show, too.

Send me the damn shows.

I owe you the last couple episodes.

Okay, the last couple episodes.

Thank you.

Bye.

No problem.

Thank you, Rock.

Thank you.

Okay.

That was Milkman, everybody.

Good to talk to Milkman.

We went off there.

What happened?

We did?

It looks like this is their site.

No, we're still on.

I think Athena's having trouble.

Who said that?

Athena's having trouble.

No, we're still streaming.

We've been on for two hours and 22 minutes.

Great.

Do you really want to do that last call?

I just want to call her now.

This is calling her night, man.

Yeah, I'm starting to sneeze.

The cats are getting to me.

I'm too certain.

I've got to call my girlfriend before she goes to sleep.

There it is.

Yeah, we hate everybody.

Well, Andy, thank you for coming in tonight.

It's always a pleasure to have you here.

Yeah, great.

It was nice to come by.

Yeah, it's always nice to have you here.

You're an individual and a guest.

A big thank you to everybody who called in and participated.

Off the top of my head, I don't think I can name them all,

but we had a lot of participation today.

We had Turr Burglar, Pimp Slut, California called in.

We had MC Emo.

We had KDK Zolar and Dr. Lego.

Jesus, God.

God, I was trying to turn off the toll-free line, unfortunately.

Didn't get to it in time.

Ooh, what number is this?

Do I want to answer this number?

No, I can't.

Anyway, I don't know.

I'm going to answer it.

Is that the number I just called earlier or something like that?

I don't know.

Anyway, we're ending the show.

I'm sorry if you didn't make it in time.

You didn't make it in time.

Sorry, but thank you for listening.

Tell them niggas who the champ be.

The answer is Pimp Slut.

Great.

And that's the end of the show.

Be sure to catch

Zolar tomorrow, Zolar Vision

tomorrow and every Friday at 10pm

Eastern, preceded by

Dr. Lego at 8pm

Eastern with the Mental Discrepancy

Show. I didn't get to ask them what they had

in store for us tomorrow, but be sure to check it out.

Try Vagina.

It's always good. It's always a big draw.

Vagina for everybody tomorrow.

Also, Saturday, Joop is on

at 8pm Eastern with

The Retard

Night. I guess KDK is not

Not going to be on tomorrow night or for the next six months, apparently.

I don't know if that's true, but we'll see about that.

Sunday nights at 9 p.m. is Sean Ward and his Peanut Punch Radio.

Monday nights is an open night.

Perhaps you'll hear a show, perhaps not.

But be sure to be here, and I'm more than likely there will be a show.

Tuesday nights is Crazy Talk.

K-Bone's Crazy Talk.

And then Wednesday night is KDK's Psycho Babble.

Thank you, everybody, for listening.

Alright guys, peace out.

I got your dirty laundry I got your dirty laundry over here

Dude who is this?

Oh my face

What the F in my house?

I got one person out here and that person for the rest

You like listening to me on the phone?

Calling me from block number

I ain't know a block number

I heard your whole conversation

Don't make me call the police

You know what's up

I'm going to blackmail you

I'm so scared

What's your problem now?

You drive turkey you bitch

You didn't hit a boy.

You jive turkey motherfucker.

Who, who, who the fuck you talking about? What do you mean?

Man, you can show me a place where I'm about to come whoop some motherfuckers ass cause I don't even know who the fuck you talking about.

How much you gonna charge you guys? Take somebody over here to the taxi cab.

Man, this ain't no motherfucking taxi cab.

Just come and fucking pick somebody up. I'm gonna whoop their goddamn ass.

I'll kick your ass, you son of a bitch, you and your goddamn mother.

What?

Your mother.

You motherfucking nigga, how you like that, you piece of shit?

Nah, they're fucking niggas.

I'm a bitch.

You nigger, motherfucker.

How you nagging, man?

What?

Man, I'm a motherfucking bitch that pried a goddamn phone.

This is a white man that don't want to hear from no goddamn niggers calling me in the fucking middle of the night.

Listen, listen, boy.

Listen, boy.

I'll show you a boy in a 12-gauge shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen, cracker.

I'm going to have three letters.

Listen here, cracker.

You cracker, cracker.

I'll show you some fucking three-letter, motherfucker.

I'll see you here.

Are you Michael Frazier?

Look, let me just ask you real quick.

First of all, fuck you, you stupid bitch.

Yo, just zip a wing in your pocket and run it up to me.

Yeah, but I'm only one over here.

I cannot drop a chicken on you.

We would give you a couple hundred dollars, though.

Are you ready?

I wish I was the governor.

Just pretend I'm shitting on you, okay?

No problem.

Okay, I don't care, bro.

Ah!

Yeah.

Yeah, well, I gotta go.

Please do wash your hands.

Yeah, yeah.

Some kind of life you have where you have to do this stuff.

So this is a very interesting radio you have.

Very interesting radio thing if you have that, you know, because like that's, um, it just

shows me that you have like nothing going.

No, I got plenty.

This is what we do, man.

I do this all the time.

I get lots of votes.

This is what you do, like, you know what I mean?

You talk stupid.

Yeah, yeah.

Really, huh?

People actually listen to this shit.

People, everybody listens to this shit, man.

Not everybody, because anybody with a half a brain that I know don't listen.

Anybody with a half a brain would listen to this show instead of eating your shitty-ass pizza.

How old are you?

Thirteen.

Yeah, fucking right.

You sound like you're fucking eighteen or nineteen.

Thirteen, I said.

Yeah, right.

Yes, I was born thirteen years ago, last Friday.

Mm-hmm.

Damn.

I'm hanging up, and you better not call.

Do you have stripes in your underwear?

Do I have what?

Stripes in your underwear.

You are a sick fuck.

Come on, let me talk to your sister, man.

Be a pal.

No!

Have you ever seen your sister naked?

No.

Lyrics right through your brain.

When you hear this sign, you'll be right as rain.

So, so, appetizers.

What you see me in the appetizer.

See if it's spicy.

Comes after your pizza paper.

And I've written down all the crucial information that I need to know when I'm on the phone.

That's the time, the date that it happened, the product.

In this case, it was the pizza.

And then the problem that I'm having with the product that calls for a new product,

which I'm going to make a complaint about the pizza and ask for a new one.

So here's what we have to do.

There's a couple ways we can approach it.

You're going to get on the phone, and the first thing you want to do is you want to get past the gatekeeper.

Now, the gatekeeper is the person that's going to answer the phone.

You know, that employer that works the front desk or something like that.

Get past him or her.

In this case, it's probably going to be her since we've already seen her.

And we're going to want to go straight to the manager.

So first thing, right off the bat, can I speak with your manager?

After we do that, we've got to start talking to the manager, present a problem, and then ask for a solution.

Say, well, what can you do for me?

And then if you don't like the solution with the discount, push a little harder until we can actually get the pizza that we want.

So this will apply to all different types of social engineering.

Let's give it a try.

Yeah, so can I please speak with the manager, please?

I was in here just about half a pizza, and the toppings, the bacon that you put in there is like extremely rock hard.

It's like so hard I don't even want to give my brother some.

I was eating a slice of it, and it probably like chipped his tooth.

It's that bad.

Did you guys, do you know if that's like it was cooked too long or what might cause that?

It's for a pickup.

You guys know about it just because I wouldn't want anybody chipping it.

It was the bacon?

Yeah, it was, it was, uh, I got a half and a half pizza.

One was Hawaiian on one side with, like, the, uh, bone.

The other half was, it's not, it's not called Meat Lovers, but it's equivalent to that.

I don't, what do you guys call it?

I can't remember.

Was it?

Yeah, it was, it's got, like, big, thick chunks of bacon, but they're, like, little

rocks almost.

They're, like, really rock hard.

I mean, it's definitely bacon.

It's just really rock hard.

All right.

So I just wanted to let you guys know about that.

Is there any way I could get some type of comp towards the half of pizza or some of the pizza that I'm not going to eat?

Could I? That would be awesome if I could.

I know you guys don't have Canadian bacon, but the ham and pineapple, yeah, exactly.

It was under the name of ******, but shall I wait then?

Thank you very much. Bye-bye.

If you want to know more about social engineering, I recommend this book right here.

This is The Art of Deception by Kevin Mitnick.

It's an awesome book filled with all kinds of good stories and information.

He's really the master of this kind of stuff, so definitely check it out.

That's it for this first edition, and I'm Kevin Rose.

Double D.

This is Double D in the house, and we're having a good time.

Share this file, spread it with your friends, pirate it, we don't care.

Do what you will with it.

We're The Broken.

Until next time.

Calls (19, 1 h 18 min of 4 h 18 min)

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