MADHOUSE-March30th2006.060406.0

I want to be up Howard Stern's ass, fan.

That's why he gets all the shit he gets.

Christine?

All right, here's the thing.

You can't tell Sal just be normal.

Then that's not going to be funny.

I'm assuming he's being himself, and it's very funny.

Here's the way I look at it.

When he's on the air, even if I don't agree with what he's doing,

am I entertained and am I laughing?

You know, to me, he's very entertaining, and it's funny.

And even if he's yelling at people and I'm like, oh, my God, why?

I can't believe he's doing that.

It's still entertaining.

But does it bother you?

Why would it bother me?

He's not doing it to me.

If he was on the air calling me names like he did to The Shrink, that would bother me.

That was a little rough.

There was a little, little rough.

Well, that's what I'm saying.

I didn't agree with what he was saying, but I was still like, this is, you know.

Sure.

Sal being crazy, good radio.

Exactly.

I was sitting there listening to that with The Shrink on.

Dr. Leslie.

Yeah, Dr. Leslie.

And I was swearing at the radio, and then Sal came in and did it for me.

I wanted to go lick his foot.

He was too good.

I'm going to open his cheeks and put my tongue in his asshole because that's exactly what I was doing in my car.

Go ahead.

The way I look at it is Sal's got women issues with the meet the shrink thing.

Okay, every woman outside of his life is an object.

They're to be used and abused and then tossed aside.

Any woman in his life is a caretaker.

Are you talking to a Queen's Jew gene here?

Half Italian, half Jew?

And I do it the same way.

Meet the Jew shrink, right?

Nice.

Mike, you're on the round table.

How you doing?

You think Sal's getting fired?

I don't know, but I'll tell you what I do know.

Roast him now.

Roast him while the roasting's good.

Do not let him get fired before we get our lips in on him.

Before it's too late, roast Sal now.

Bob, if you're listening, get Sal up there.

Get a dance put together.

Let's get a Sal roast.

Let me tell you, I've got to say it again.

The people that say that this is all shtick, I don't know if he turns it up.

Like, I feel he must turn it up a little bit.

And, like, I don't know.

He was, like, jerking in the bathroom.

He wanted to know what a hand cream was. He needed a magazine. I was like dude

Just chill he wanted like a fan in the bathroom because he was gonna be in there for a while

And then like two weeks later everybody's like yo tell him tell him and finally he wouldn't even want to tell me

Kimmy's daughters panties were on the floor in the bathroom

He's telling everybody how I sniffed them

smelt like two and he wouldn't have done it no way no way dude you tried you definitely did i

didn't try to fuck her you wanted to everybody in the place wanted you were getting her all drunk

my crazy life is gonna abuse this girl i can't have it what i gotta call her on the phone

yeah i'm still here mike we're gonna move on is that you yeah it's still me all right guys have

a good one don't go away stay stay stay stay for the next topic we're gonna talk about crazy cabbie

You got a comment?

Oh, hell yeah.

I'm from Jersey.

See, I'm not trying to get rid of you.

No, no.

Get another call.

It's not fair he takes all the calls.

Nah, nah.

I like him.

Hey, man.

When Cabby's crazy, okay, are you surprised that he wound up in a mental institution?

Definitely not, man.

I mean, the guy was on the cuff in the first place.

I had met him, and it's not shit, bro.

He's out there.

That's real.

What are you talking about?

If he gets out, first off, let me remind everybody, if he doesn't get out of that mental institution

And back in the day, in four months, when his time's out, he's not coming home.

He has to get back in jail before he can get released.

But when he gets out, should he be here in Sirius?

Going around the table.

Christine, should he be here?

No, no, no.

Totally.

What do you want him to do?

Well, listen, I think he could pull off any type of radio.

If you give him his own way to go, he'll be better.

Sir Van?

I don't think he's, he's got to get his head straight before he can come over here.

Maloof?

Cabby was not really an icon.

He was one of the overnight guys that the late-night guys would listen to.

He was a good guy.

I say give him a job here.

Give him a shot at least.

If he fucks up, then you know what?

See ya.

There's the door.

Mike, how about you?

Right?

A better version of Sal.

All Sal is the water.

Oh, no way.

So you're saying trade in Sal for Ken?

People that don't like Ken, I'm sorry, but that's it.

I told you to hang up on this dick.

No way.

You should have hung up on him.

I got some pros.

I got some cons.

Why don't you?

I don't find him funny.

I find him annoying.

And that's how I...

Not that funny, dude.

When they were doing the get John's job, whatever it was, I was just like, please don't

let him win.

I just don't find him funny.

And that's really...

That's where I...

I agree.

How about if they put him on like a rock station or something?

Cool.

You got a problem with that?

Oh, I don't care if he's...

I don't want him involved with Howard's show.

Good.

Let him talk every three or four songs.

Hey, Mike, thanks for calling in.

That was exactly what I thought.

Yeah, bye, Mike.

Thanks for hugging him all the time.

It's all good.

Hey, Rob.

You're on the round table.

Hey.

You can't be attacking the women.

Rob, you're on the roundtable.

Hello?

Yeah, Rob.

Yeah, I originally called about Riley Martin, but I got a great cabbie story for you guys.

Tell me something.

I actually wrote to the guy.

I wrote to him about a month after he was in jail.

And he asked you for porn, right?

Wait, wait.

Were you nice to him?

Yeah, I was real nice.

Good man.

I wrote him a real nice letter, about two pages long.

And I didn't hear from him until about the summer.

And when I finally heard back, I got the most unusual letter I could describe.

I mean, all kinds of weird symbols on it.

It looked like a third grader.

I mean, you can talk to Gary about it, too, because he said he wrote to Gary,

but on the envelope is all these weird symbols, and it was written in pencil,

and I could only recognize, like, every other word,

but he kind of scared me because he said he was going to send me a package,

supposedly of written material that he was trying to get published,

and it scared the crap out of me.

I didn't know what to do with it.

I threw out the letter because I didn't want it to be tracked back to me.

So are you saying that you feel that he is definitely snapped and he's just going off the deep end and it's not bullshit?

Yeah, I'll tell you what.

I'm a graduate student in counseling, and this guy definitely, there's a lot of problems with him.

I talked to my professors.

I even showed them the letter, and they're like, yeah, he's definitely got some problems going on.

Maybe you should teach him a little bit.

Does anybody think that Cabby really needs, Cabby right now is looking for a lawyer.

He's looking for a lawyer because he wants to get his story out there.

Dominic tried to tell him, dude, just do your time and get out.

Does anybody feel that he really needs a lawyer?

Sturban?

Ben? Well, believe it or not, I got a friend

of mine who's in Fort Dix right now, and

that's not an easy prison

like everybody thinks it is. He needs

to wait until he gets done. You don't want to piss

off the guards and have them, you know, talking

bad shit about you and causing you

harm. It can happen. It's not

off the deep end. He's not in Fort Dix

now, okay? He was. That's where he said

that supposedly the federal government

drugged him, raped him,

tortured him, okay? But now

he's in the mental institution.

That's not funny.

Where he belongs.

That's not funny.

Solar's laughing at the corner.

He got raped and drunk.

That's not funny.

It's like what Artie says.

He's getting so broke.

Packing new ports right now.

Cabby's not going to go by Lima Rozak or Crazy Cabby anymore.

Let's do a rapid fire.

Cabby's new name.

Victim.

Christine, you got a new name for Cabby?

I have no idea.

I think that part, he's making it up.

Oh, he'll have something on.

I'm sure he will.

He's been locked up for seven months.

He's had plenty of time to think of a new name.

I'm sure some guys call him bitch.

Got a new name for Cabby?

I think he's going back to his original name, Kunta.

Kunta Kinte.

Malouf.

I'm going to go with Prison Ass.

Power Bottom.

Guys, we're going to go out to a break here.

You're listening to Superfan Roundtable.

Coming up soon, we're going to do a quickie interview with Artie Lang.

You're listening to Superfan Roundtable exclusively on Howard 101.

Superfan Roundtable.

You're on the air.

Hey, now.

There's always going to be fans who are negative.

Great group together here today.

That's right.

A discussion of the week's events in the world of Howard Stern.

Howard 101.

Hey, tonight on the Pharrell Show, 8 o'clock East, 5 West,

we're going to talk about 40% lose their virginity by their 14th birthday.

Can we get a padlock for my door on the house?

Can we get that over there?

8 o'clock tonight, we'll get all these kids.

We'll lock them down.

Shut them down.

Come on, blondes, get a gun over here.

Pharrell tonight, 8.

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Superfan Roundtable on Howard 100 and Howard 101.

Holy crap, I think we're back.

Headphones, people.

It's the Superfan Roundtable.

Yeah, baby!

Are we in the air?

Somebody nod to me.

Nice.

Let's talk about Pharrell, people.

Here we go.

I got cannoli.

People, is Pharrell going to fit in on this station?

Now, Bubba, when he first came, a lot of noise, a lot of people were hating Bubba.

They just weren't getting him.

Little by little, he's winning over the Stern fans, and it's all working out great.

I tried to hate Bubba when he first came.

I tried my hardest to hate that fucking guy, but I love the show.

But did you try to hate Pharrell?

Did you have that kind of attitude?

I already hated Pharrell.

He was on another station.

Before he even came here, he was on an all-sports talk.

Yeah.

I hated his fucking guts.

Shake it up.

The rest of you guys, did Bubba win you over?

Bubba won me over.

It took a little while, but I really grow to love the guy.

Now, did you start out hating Pharrell?

No.

I like Pharrell.

That mad cap shit that he's got going on just drives me nuts.

I like listening to him.

So you think it's going to work out fine.

Maloof, how about with the Bubba?

Did Bubba win you over?

Bubba, here's my analogy.

Bubba, there's two types of people in this world.

There's the weird people.

There's the normal people.

The weird people, I'm going to say, are the Bubba fans.

Give me the fast, like, King of All Blacks analogy where it's like, if you're doing crack, go ahead.

If you're snorting cocaine and you want that fit.

Now, the weird thing is Bubba's got the South.

He's got the hickey, kind of like blue collar show, which is really weird.

Howard's got like the average person, the average New Yorker type of show.

Pharrell brings in that middle ground, hey, let's talk about sports.

Let's talk about anything that's coming to mind right now.

And that's kind of like a middle ground area where it covers all three bases.

So you're saying he's going to fill out the channel?

Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, don't get me wrong.

There's still a couple more areas, a couple more time slots to fill in the channel,

but it's definitely a positive pick for the channel right now.

There are no more time slots available to fill out the channel.

They have filled them all.

Christine?

I have not heard Pharrell's show yet.

Lucky you.

You want to go down there?

It's right after the show.

We'll go down in here.

Listen, I do think that he'll fit in because I think he brings something different

from what I've heard about him.

The times that he's been on Howard's show

I have to be honest

He really gave me a headache

Totally

And I don't know if I was

Just having a bad day

But he really gave me a headache

But from what I hear about him

He's fun

He's very upbeat

He can bring the sports angle in

Which I know a lot of people

Are looking for

Shake it up

I haven't heard him yet

I heard him on Howard

A bunch of times

And the whole time

I was like

I have not understood

One word this guy has said

Nothing

It was like

A bunch of noise

I don't know what he said

But now I've gotten a chance

To really hear his show

He sort of slowed down a little bit.

He's doing his show.

And now, you know, now I can finally get a feel for him.

So, guys, if you got turned off while he was doing interviews on Howard,

understand he was very excited to get hired and be here at Sirius.

He's relaxed a little bit and doing a real show now.

I'm very excited to be at Sirius right now.

Would you like to see what's inside my pants, bud?

No, please.

Stop it.

Put that away now.

Should he do an all-sports show?

I mean, like, we already got Bubba handling NASCAR and redneck crap.

He's doing wrestling, all the southern good old boy stuff.

stuff Howard's doing the celebrity movie news I mean would you like to see Pharrell do a whole

sports show or just let him go wild Zolar let him go wild let him get like uh Zolar as a guest host

with him oh please oh my god Zolar's the new king of all blacks I know he's like Howard give me a

show Howard no no I was being serious you need somebody with him he needed somebody with him he

needs some fucking body I'm trying to tell you mutt now if anything he needs a girl Zolar so

or shove it how about you talk like a girl now I know you're pitching for your show but

surely already sat in on the show as a sidekick when he did a week here he had a chick that

was with him that was his side girl better you like that you like that he has a sidekick

though yes guys they hurt I'm gonna skip you because you didn't hear it does he need the

sidekick or not I like them with the sidekick I think you should base your show in sports

but he's got a venture out from there I mean he's a talented guy he gets the energy going

Going for you, but I don't think sports is going to get a lot of the Howard listeners.

I mean, he fills it in where Howard leaves off because Howard's not a sports guy at all.

So he fills in a void that's there.

That's a huge void because Howard isn't a sports guy.

So, I mean, that's a good thing.

Malouf?

Howard knows absolutely nothing about sports.

You know what?

I think a sidekick in a show would do okay.

His show, though, by himself is where it's at right now.

He's going to let his show develop.

Let the audience catch on to it.

Then see what happens and re-evaluate it after a week or two.

So you don't hate it yet?

I never did hate it.

You're going to give it a chance.

That's good.

Let's give it a chance.

Now, guys, talking about his show, I'm also thinking about Bubba now.

They got these replays.

Now, Howard's doing his replays all day on his channel.

He's got the West Coast feed.

We all wanted it.

I mean, like, we definitely all wanted it.

But now thinking about people like Pharrell and Bubba, does this hurt them?

Like, you literally could miss.

Like, I miss Bubba's show sometimes because I'm listening to the replay,

but the time I flip over, it's like over and I'm pissed off and the news is on.

Is this going to hurt them?

I see a lot of nodding and stuff.

I'm going to go with Christine first because we skipped her on the last one.

Well, see, you were just saying that when you're listening to the replay,

you're missing Bubba's show.

You have a choice, and you choose to listen to the replay.

So I think that's what, you know, me as a fan, that's what I want.

I want the option to either listen to Bubba's show or whoever else is on

against the replay or the replay.

play so you're a stern fan yeah and you wanted to hear the stern show and bubble just his fans

will be listening to that stern fan i love bubba i think it hurts them somewhat but i find myself

listening to a lot of replays even though i love bubba because i forget he's on you get caught up

in howard we all get sucked in we can't turn away from him next thing you know it's like oh shit

it's seven o'clock you know i miss bubba yeah but you would never forget that howard's on you see

the difference no that's very true uh but it's 25 you know 20 years condition you know what we

We were all born, we were Stern fans.

We came to the channel because we were Stern fans.

And, you know, we're going to have to see where it goes from then.

Malouf.

I've got to be honest.

The replays were the greatest thing ever that happened for the Howard Stern show.

However, they are putting a dent into Bubba.

They're putting a dent into Pharrell.

They're putting a dent into the news.

Fuck, I mean, they could be putting a dent into this show for all we know.

Somebody's listening to a replay right now.

Someone out there is listening to the replay and we're not getting heard.

And it's all because of the replays.

I missed the last couple of Superfans because that caught him halfway through

because I got caught up on a replay.

You have all day to listen to the Stern show, okay?

Zola.

Yeah, listen, man.

If you're into Stern, you're into Stern.

If you catch another show, it's a fucking bonus.

Exactly.

Here's something else I want to point out because what I was saying,

should they do a whole sports show?

Artie was talking about how he's pitching his own sports show.

Now, I'd love to hear Artie's sports show, okay?

Now, if Artie does his sports show with Pharrell, I think that's a natural,

and that'll be really strong for Pharrell's show

and really help build the rest of the channel, okay?

Because even if Artie only goes in once a week with Pharrell's show,

that'll help his show every goddamn day.

Now, if he does a once-a-week show on his own,

it theoretically could take away from Bubba or, you know, Pharrell's show.

This is one of the things I want to talk to Artie.

He's calling in tonight, guys.

We're going to get some questions to him.

Maybe we can get some details about this show.

But if this comes around, we're already saying

and maybe the replays hurt these guys.

Is the Artie show maybe going to hurt these guys?

Sturm Van.

I don't think it's going to hurt them.

Artie's a great guy when it comes to talking sports.

Sturm Van's going to knock the whole table over.

I am.

I'm sorry.

I got a bunch of sons on this table, man.

People can hear that banging.

Artie would have a great sports show.

I mean, not that he's the most knowledgeable guy,

judging by his win-loss record on bets.

But, you know, overall, I think it'd be great to listen to.

You know, we all think we know more than we do about, you know, sports.

sports hey i don't need to hear a bunch of guys that know every statistic i just need to be a guy

that i'm hanging out with and would have been chatting with anyway there's a guy at the bar

you would have been drinking with talking about the show and i think that's going to be a whole

different angle that'll be fun sports is for faggots you understand i never got to a fucking

sporting event in my life loser that's your fault bro being at the game what's wrong with you okay

i i'm like gay when it comes never seen a sporting event or been to one i can't watch i cannot watch

I can't sit there and watch it but being at the event that is huge

I love going to the event fucking guys you want to watch a bunch of guys

Rumble with each other and touch each other and hockey and fucking bet get the fucking sports for faggots

Sports is the world's greatest reality show and then you're making

Sports is better than Survivor American Idol all those shows that Howard talks never gave a shit about any sport in my life

What it comes down to is your grub? What comes down to is I'm a drunk. I like that big communal drinking party

I got stuff to see if I'm at the bar just drink and I get bored know what kind whereas now

I got like entertainment. I got people. I'm hanging out with there's tailgating like that's it

You want to start a sporting event joint rolling contest? I'll challenge anybody listening to rolling a joint

Fucking joints in the world

Fridays at 10

How about a buzzer man?

PCU.

The way I look at it, and that's one of the things I love about Howard's show,

is that there's not that much sports.

I grew up the son of a bookie.

I don't like sports, because if I rooted for the wrong team, I got yelled at on a Sunday.

Your father was a homo.

Oh, man.

Jim, you're on the round table.

We're talking about Pharrell.

Yeah, that's why I got Howard, man.

Okay, tell me about it.

You're a Pharrell fan, not a Howard fan?

No, I've always been a Howard fan, but when I went to satellite, I was thinking,

I don't need it.

I listen to local stuff.

I listen.

That Monday he signed a week ago.

I had three buddies.

Pharrell signed up with Howard.

And Tuesday I went and got my satellites.

Hey, dude, just while you're breathing alone, are you over 300 pounds?

350.

I knew it.

Oh, no.

I was with you.

That is good stuff, man.

And I'm sure that Joey Blunt and Pharrell are loving to hear that, man.

That is good stuff.

Go ahead, Christine.

Well, see, that's the thing.

That's why all these things are really good for the channel, because they bring in a different audience.

And I think that whether we specifically listen to them or not,

it's going to bring in somebody else.

So that's exactly what we're looking for.

Can you use your hands anymore when you talk?

Shut up, Zolar.

It is so true because at the site, I'm seeing more and more Bubba fans at the site.

And I can tell they're Bubba fans that are trying to learn about Howard

and not the other way around.

Whereas a month ago, that's not the way it was.

So I can see the Bubba fans are finding the show, they're finding the site.

And evidently to Pharrell fans like this man right here, Jim, is going to do the same.

Pharrell has fans?

Jim's a Pharrell fan, right?

Get the fuck out of here.

Pharrell has a huge following.

You have no idea.

The guys love this guy.

Let me ask you, Jim, are you there still?

Yeah, I'm still here.

Okay, should Pharrell do an all-sports show?

Does Pharrell need a sidekick?

The mix would be good.

I think it was you that said to have Artie maybe once a week with him

if it was a regular day.

And even Gary, but maybe Gary has too much on his plate.

But I think Gary and Artie and him, it would be a blast.

Yeah, I think that would work out great.

They know their sports, and then they goof around.

The way Pharrell cracks on it all,

That's what makes it funny.

I mean, he knows the sports, but he's still getting crashed on it because it's not too serious.

I like the idea of these guys sort of doing the cross promotions, you know?

Going for one shot.

What did we lose you, Jim?

No, I'm still here.

He went to eat a fucking ho-ho.

Dude, I'm going to jump off the window.

Thanks for calling in.

I got some more Pharrell calls here.

Joey, you're on a round table.

What's up, guys?

Hey, now.

Yeah.

Talk to me about Pharrell, man.

and are you going to like him on the channel,

or is he going to screw it up and we should have somebody else on?

Zolar.

No, I think he's doing a great job, man.

I used to listen to him down here in Florida in the mornings down here,

and he was great down here when he did all sports.

And he's got great energy now.

I mean, I think he's doing a hell of a job.

Sports is for homos.

That's quality, man.

Do you think he should do an all-sports show?

Do you like him tossing up with other crap?

And do you think he needs a sidekick?

And if it's going to be a sidekick, should it be Shuley or Zolar?

I love having Shuley.

I don't really shoot myself to hear Zolar.

to be honest with you.

So long, you lose.

So long.

You are the weakest link.

Oh!

Thank you, man.

Hey, fuck you.

Hey, hey, you be nice.

I'm going to take one more,

and we're going to go out to another break already.

Evidently went a little long in the first one.

Bruce, you're on the round table.

Bruce, that's a gay name.

Yo, Bruce.

Hey.

You're on the round table.

We're talking about Pharrell.

Is he going to fit on this channel?

Do you like him?

Tell us, Bruce.

Tell us.

Yeah, he's all right, he's all right, but, you know, with Bubba and Pharrell both joining, you know, when Bubba first started, I didn't really like Bubba, but he grew on me, then now Pharrell, he's growing on me, I'm getting more and more, like, you know, liking him, you know, because all I do is I drive around now in my truck, and so I listen to Howard on the replay, what I miss in, then I go to Bubba.

Well, thanks a lot, thanks a lot, Bruce, and we'll see you at the truck stop.

Hey, man.

I love you, man.

Look, Zola's fucking with you.

Bye, good buddy.

Wait, let me talk to Bruce for a second.

You're a truck driver?

Yeah.

It seems like there's a lot of truck drivers with Sirius.

Is that accurate?

Oh, yeah.

There's a truck driving channel, actually, that they have, like 173 or something.

We're going to have to do the round table from a truck stop.

Dude, man, I go to the truck stops to give head to the truckers, and everybody's got Sirius.

Everybody I give head to at the truck stops got Sirius.

Bruce, thanks for calling in.

I'm going to do a real quick rapid fire, and we're going to take it.

Will you stop hurting her?

Punch her in the face.

Guys, rapid fire.

I'm doing an F Mary kill.

And the F Mary kill is Sal's wife, Christine, Artie's Dana, and Gary's Mary.

F Mary kill.

If you had to, who you fucking, who you marrying, who you killing off?

Gary's wife, Artie's girl, or Sal's wife?

Malouf's going first.

I would F Sal's wife, marry Dana, and kill...

Marry, marry, marry.

Oh my God, you're killing Mary?

Sorry, I'm sorry.

Christine, I know it's a little odd for you, but I want to hear your answers.

All right, we'll see I based on what Sal says about his wife. She seems kind of annoying

I don't know that she is but based on his stories, so I'm gonna have to kill her

I'll F Dana and I'll marry Mary because she seems like a good mother and wife. That is so hard

I just want to watch that's all dirt man. I'm gonna have to kill Dana. It's unfortunate. She's my maintenance

You know, I mean the very thing I'm gonna marry Mary because I think boo

He's a good guy and I think I can mesh with her and I you know

I got a nail, uh, South Christine there.

Zola!

Oh, me.

Sorry, I was calling on his impression over there.

I'm gonna marry Gary.

Let me tell you something.

First of all, first of all, I want to let you know something.

Z100 stole this fucking bit from Howard, man.

It's called Do, Marry, Kill on Z100.

Like, who would you do, marry, or kill?

They stole it from fucking my man Howard Stern,

and I'm announcing it right now for everybody to hear.

Boo.

I killed the DJ.

Now, when I say it's rapid fire, we're trying to move quickly through it.

Fuck you!

I'd marry fucking, I'd marry Dana, kill fucking.

I'm gonna marry Dana. I'm gonna fuck Sal's wife. What's her wife Christine? Yeah, and I guess I'm gonna have to kill

You're on a superman roundtable

Only on Howard 101.

This is a Howard 100 special.

The Superfan Roundtable.

More useless psychobabble about the king of all psychobabble.

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My man, Mutt.

I don't see Artie on the line yet, so I guess we're going to...

That's cool. I'll keep talking about all the crap.

I got one more call in here.

Want to know if Pharrell's really like that in person?

Check it out.

I shit you not, he is.

I ran into him on Friday at the Richard birthday party.

And the first thing he said was,

Dude, my voice is totally shot.

How can he tell the difference?

Let's get another one.

When Howard runs late, I'm going to fit this one in here.

When Howard runs late, what the hell should they do?

Right now what they're doing is cutting the wrap-up show and making it short

so then the news can still go on at noon.

So sometimes we get, like, a half hour, 15 minutes, almost no wrap-up show.

Now, after the news, the only thing they're doing is repeating Howard's show.

Now, I understand that's important and all, but why, you know,

part of the thing is why can't they just do the hour wrap-up show

when a Howard finishes and the news hour after that?

I know the times are going to be off a little bit, okay,

but is that, like, a good plan?

Do they need to keep to this tight schedule?

Could they bump it off and, like, just run shit a little bit late?

I understand the replay will get cut a little bit.

That's an issue.

And the other thing is, is if they can't do that, should they cut the news short instead of the wrap-up show?

Guys, Christine?

I think they should keep the wrap-up show as is, replay that as well with the replays, and cut the news if they have to.

Oh, that's mocked up.

She's mad.

She doesn't know what she's talking about, obviously.

You can't cut the news.

I mean, the guy spent how much money into the 18-person news department?

You can't just throw it out the window.

Do creatures live in your eyebrows, dude?

What's wrong with you?

I love the news.

I love the rap, but the rap is cliff notes for the show.

So if they cut it a little bit, that's not the worst thing.

I think they've got to leave the news as is.

Zola.

All right, listen, you run the show the way it goes,

and then when it runs all through the period at the time before the Howard Stern show comes back on,

that's what gets cut.

What?

Try to figure that out.

It's a little convoluted.

You're saying they lose a little bit of the replay.

Right.

I agree.

They should just lose some of the replay.

I want to hear the full hour of news.

They've got a whole news department.

Exactly.

They put a lot of time in, so if you can't cut that.

They're fucking great, that news department.

News is awesome.

I love the wrap-up show.

I don't want to be without it.

I think when they replay the show, they should replay the show with the wrap-up

and then just on the last replay, we'll be short.

The last replay will be some fill-in.

Guys, we got Artie on the phone now.

This was a little fill-in.

Let's switch back over to Artie.

I know we're going to talk about that a lot more.

Maybe we'll pick it up another day.

Artie, my man, you're on the phone with the Superfan Roundtable.

What's up, guys?

What's up?

Hey, now.

What's up, Artie?

Hey, now.

I really appreciate you calling in.

No problem, Mutt.

How you doing, buddy?

I'm doing so good, and you got a table full of fans,

and every Stern fan I meet is an Artie fan.

You're doing an awesome job.

You're the best, man.

I got to be Artie on the Howard Stern message board that time

when I broke into his account.

I know, Zola, you son of a bitch.

You little bitch.

There's no other human being I'd rather have represent me than Zola.

I'll tell you that.

Thank you, sir.

Good man.

Here's how this works.

I'm going to ask you a couple questions, and then when I'm done, I'm going to let each of my guests ask you one,

and if you could be so nice as to fill us in with some details.

You got it, man. Whatever you need, brother.

You're the man.

One, every now and then I hear you talking computer on the show.

I see you trying to get online a little bit.

JPEG.

I know you got a computer at home, and they're trying to get you into all this.

Have you started, are you starting to be able to get into browsing the web and reading email?

man you know what man my computer i got so fucking my computer gets in the way when i try to write

something down and about uh i don't know like eight months ago when i was dealing with all

the bullshit with shooting the movie i was going through something i was trying to write something

and the computer was in the way and i got fucking mad and i just slammed it down and i broke it

it. So I haven't had a computer for like eight months. I got to get Jeff Schick over here

to hook me up with a new one. So literally, you know what, man, I'd love to say I have

it. It's 2006. I have yet to send or receive an email. And I used to wear that as like

a badge of honor. But now I'm starting to feel like that creepy old guy at the end of

the road who doesn't have a phone.

I know exactly what you're saying. I still can't handle that text messaging on the phone right and everybody keeps trying to be like

Yo, text me when you get this going on in it

I'm like my phone doesn't do that shit

I and I run this whole website you think I'd be able to handle it and I'm like the retarded one

People say to me. Can you get email on your cell phone? I'm like I can't get email on my computer

Nowadays people ask for your email address before your phone number. I just sit there like a dope like what's your email?

out i'm like uh i gotta go to the bathroom you know it's just so much easier because you can

send the details and when they get a chance they can move on and answer it you know you're right

yeah i look i hear you man and i it affects my work now because you know lotus nodes all that

bullshit with the show i you know it's affecting my life so i don't know welcome to the new

millennium arty you're right though i hear you man love you all right with beer league being

released in august yeah is there anything special planned for the release yet like an

an opening or a party?

Do you got anything, like, for Stern fans to be trying to get in on?

There'll be a big premiere.

I'm going to have a couple of separate screenings,

but there'll be a distributor guaranteed

at some sort of New York kind of red carpet premiere.

And, you know, look, I mean, my goal is to get as many Stern fans

at all those events as possible so they can talk it up

because, I mean, that's why I want to have enjoyed a movie.

I mean, this is a movie.

I didn't make this for critics or anybody.

I made it for people who listen to Howard, and, yeah, so I'm going to try to get as big a theater as I can

and invite as many Stern fans as possible, you know, because, I mean, it just helps me.

I'd love them to see it for free, and then the word of mouth starts, you know?

We love you, Artie.

We really do.

I even enjoyed game day.

He signed a copy for me once.

Good man.

Thank you.

You're welcome, dude.

All right, I got another one.

We hear rumors that there might be an Artie sports show.

We were just talking about it a second ago.

We didn't know if this was going to be a separate show

or maybe something that you teamed up with Pharrell for.

Can we get any kind of details yet, any little inside info?

I'll tell you, it almost happened with the tournament starting.

Will Murray, the great Will Murray, you guys all know Will.

He's a big sports fan, and he wanted to produce it for me.

So we actually have had a couple of meetings on what it would be like,

and we were going to maybe do something for the NCAA tournament.

But we found out that, you know, Sabian wasn't up to speed on it yet,

and we didn't prepare him for it, so we put it on the back burner.

And now, you know, with the Howard Stern Film Festival coming up,

I'm hosting it and I'm trying to get a couple of entries in it,

so that's a big deal.

So after that's over with, I think me and Will are going to meet again

and try to get some kind of, you know, maybe like an hour a week, if that,

just bullshitting about sports and talking about gambling, giving picks,

nothing crazy, you know.

Sports is for faggots.

I think that's a great idea.

Yeah, it'd be just, you know, just bullshitting about sports.

A lot of it would probably be like, you know, the stuff Howard can't even deal with listening to.

Like, he's talking about teaser bets and shit.

Right.

I mean, you know, Gary expressed an interest in being on it, John Hines.

So maybe it'll be a team of guys just fucking around with sports.

I can let you know that the guys on the site are really looking for that.

They would love to see an Artie sports show.

They would love to see a Richard Christie heavy metal show.

Absolutely.

On Mutt's website, there's a whole bunch of girls who think that you're fucking attractive and sexy and all that shit.

I swear to God.

My wife loves you, Artie.

My wife loves you.

That makes me want to get on the website, if that's the case.

Sit in there.

Let me go around the table here.

I got a bunch of people.

They all got questions for you.

Christine, you're up first.

Hi, Artie.

Hi, Christine.

I'm just wondering, you know, you've always been great.

I think you're a great addition to the show.

The past few weeks, you have just been amazing, you know, getting better and better and so funny.

I'm just wondering if you're genuinely more happy now, or it's just the fact that you can say whatever you want and you're not censored

You know what? It's a combination of both. I

Honestly, and I told Howard this off the air too. I've never been happier

Creatively doing anything in my life because I mean again being like like a scumbag nightclub comedian that I am

I love person and I'm it's more comfortable for me to curse than not to was harder not to curse

You know, and now that I can say whatever I want and use the kind of language I'm used to using in nightclubs,

it really feels, I appreciate you noticing that because it's felt good for me as well.

And I'm just having so much fun.

It's serious.

It's great.

Yeah, it definitely shows through.

Yeah, I'm having a blast.

I wish your shirt showed through, sweetie.

Yeah, I bet you do, dirtbag.

I can't believe during the middle of, while you were saying that, I started laughing at your own suffering.

And I hate that I did that.

Deb, while you're saying that, all I could hear was you saying how your professional life is at a nine

and your personal life is at a two.

No, it's nine at nine.

Exactly.

That's why we're serious in the cursing.

My professional life might be at a nine and a half.

If it's possible, my personal life might be at a negative nine.

Oh, my God.

Nine.

Zola, you're up.

Well, you'd think I would be working for the Stern Fan Network,

but I put a post out there asking all the fans what they would like to ask you,

and I just picked one of the questions, and this one comes from Big Snot, Artie.

Big Snot from the Stern Fan Network.

You got it.

He says, how does it feel to sleep with a girl knowing that you have bigger tits than her?

Oh, man.

I don't know if that's an insult to me or Dana, Jesus Christ.

That's it. Big Snot gets the gay. He's out of there. He can't be insulting Artie like that.

No, no, no. You know what? I'm fine with it. I got a thick skin.

You know what? I got an answer for Big Snot.

I refuse to stop eating, so what I'm going to do is to even out the score,

I'm just going to get Dana a tit job.

Great answer.

There goes that $15,000.

Stern fan, you're up.

You're right.

Arnie, I don't really have a question for you, but growing up the son of a bookie,

I've taught like five or six bookies in my area to use computers to their advantage.

I extend an offer to you.

I will teach you everything you need to know to help you win a little bit more.

You know what?

You're a good man.

And as a son of a bookie, you know what?

You may have indirectly benefited from some of my loser picks.

Nah, not really.

He wasn't a really good bookie, I'll say that.

I may have helped buy you an IROC Z-28.

Sturman not understanding the interview process here, but Malou, what's your question?

Artie, what's going on, man?

How you doing?

What's up, buddy?

Finish this sentence for me.

Ready?

Mary, Mary, quite contrary.

Change that pussy.

It's so damn hairy.

Oh!

Hey, Arnie, Arnie, real quick, real quick.

Two questions.

Who's going to get the ring first, the 2006 Yankees or Dana?

Oh, that's a good question.

Yankees.

I'll tell you what, the 2006 Marlins got a better shot than Dana.

Oh!

Arnie, Arnie, Arnie, Arnie, can I join you at a Yankee game this year or what?

You know what?

I don't give a fuck, yeah.

Hey, being that I've never been to a sporting event, bring me two then.

Forget you, Zohar.

Real fans go.

Artie, I've got to thank you for calling in.

The show is over, though.

We've got a new time frame.

We love you, Artie.

Hey, Mutt.

Thank you, Mutt.

Can you hear me?

Yeah, I hear you now.

I've got my headphones back on.

I know.

We've met a couple of times at gigs, and you've always been a good guy.

And I think, you know what?

Honestly, I echo Howard.

I've listened, and you're doing a great job.

So keep it up, brother.

Thank you, man.

You have always been fantastic.

Every time I've seen Artie, he is the real deal.

Menza for Nook.

Let's give a hand for Artie and let's give a hand for Mike.

All right, guys.

Thank you.

Basta Chunt.

We got to go to the song now.

The show is over.

I got minutes left here.

So, people, play me that music.

I want to thank everybody here.

Christine, Zola, Sturman, Malouf, thanks for coming in.

We're going to the theme song.

All right.

Check out Zola.com, everybody.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

All of the other showboats, superfans, we all unite.

Howard all day and Howard all night.

Howard is king of them all.

The only one who's got balls.

We've got nothing better to do than talk about Howard's name.

Thank you so much for everybody tuning in.

You were listening to Superfan Roundtable.

exclusively on howard 100 see you next week and howard 101 for fan roundtable word 100 special

sternfannetwork.com chance to join us on an upcoming show your chance to sit at the round

table super fan roundtable exclusive to howard 100 and howard 101 hey you know what i think i

made a complete format change by the way i should announce this what'll happen so six to ten in the

morning and then there's the wrap-up show with gary and john then at noon news live they do a

live newscast at one o'clock they start repeating our show again on howard 100 i don't forget it's

also going on 101 so now you have the show playing at the end of 101 and you have it starting up

again at one o'clock in the afternoon it plays all the way through till five o'clock the news

comes on at six and then after six it starts again at seven and then it'll run all overnight

till five o'clock we'll do a little news rotation and then at six we start again

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Previously on Pharrell.

I'm telling you, Pharrell, I got socks running around my house

with my seat on it that I just can't go.

I've always liked dropping action on a towel,

and then when I throw it in the hamper,

I wonder what the hell goes on in there, man.

You know, if there's a release or if they're jumping off like soldiers out of a ravine.

Do you think the jizz is like Normandy?

They're coming off of the boats and running to the shore?

Calls (1, 0 min of 49 min)

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