Special Edition Madhouse

Today is Thursday.

The God to God.

Which one?

He thinks he's Jesus.

Sounds bad.

Oh, perhaps not.

When he decides to announce it,

the law sees man, they'll knock him off.

We'll have the Republic back.

My friend, this could be the best thing that ever happened.

Those who believe life here began out there

are across the universe.

Tribes of humans who may have been the forefathers of the Egyptians

Russians, Baltics, or the Mayans, that they may have been the architects of the Great Pyramids.

First of all, um, why don't you shut the hell, why don't you shut the hell up?

You, fuck, you fucking pighead!

The baby is only a little crazy, like painters or composers or, or some of those men in Washington.

Who are you, I don't know.

You speak, you follow up, you mother fucking, you are, I'm not speaking, I know, you speak, you speak English, I see.

You motherfuckers, you motherfuckers

I go ahead, man

Motherfuckers, you

Don't never, don't never

Go against these boys, man

You motherfuckers

Why you so angry?

What's my quality?

We're so high right now

We're not low

We eat everyday

And I'm your boy, Young Miles of Future

Crackin' for y'all

Kickin' a nasty, dirty 50's rap

I'm Detroit's red and black

Hey, whoa, that's loud. What's up, everybody? You're listening to a special goddamn edition of the Madhouse here on a Sunday morning, 2.11 a.m., April the 9th, and here on the line live, I have Jupe. What's up, Jupe? How you doing, bro?

Oh, I'm doing great tonight. How are you, man?

I'm doing good. I'm doing good. It's good to hear from you. Thank you for being on. I'm so short-noticed.

That's all cool.

All right, and I believe we have Milkman. Milkman, are you there? Please check in.

Hello, hello. Welcome, welcome. How we doing?

Not bad, not bad, Milkman.

You can't hear Milkman, but he can hear you,

and I'll translate anything he wants to say to you in a second.

So if you don't mind bearing with us, we should be good to go.

So, yeah, a lot of stuff happening tonight, apparently.

I think my sound quality is really bad right now.

I might have a low battery in my cordless phone, and that might affect things here,

but we'll see how we do.

We'll weigh in on some things that happened tonight, I guess.

We might do a prank call or two if anybody has numbers out there to want to send

Excuse me, you can also reach us toll-free here at eight eight eight two seven eight eight five zero

Nine, I'm gonna try to fix this mic here real quick. Yeah, it's gonna sound like shit for a few minutes

I'll be sorry everybody's a bear with me here

Joop, what are your thoughts on what happened tonight on PCU with the whole solar thing?

You think it's legit you think it's a phase you think it's a permanent thing

You know, kind of the same thing happened to me. When I had the Friday slot way back in the summer and I kind of quit, I just stopped doing it because I wanted to go out and do shit.

Exactly.

But you eventually come back and miss doing it.

It drags you back

It drags you back into it

You know what I mean

I've felt like that before

Even recently, especially now

I thought about taking a hiatus for a week or two

And maybe doing something on a Thursday night

Go out, do some shit

But no, I haven't done it

I can see getting burned out on it

I'm sure you can too, Jupe

Milkman's always on here too

Milkman, you get burnt out too sometimes, I bet

Yeah, there's times when I like to take a little break

Yeah, there's always something, I mean, going on.

I'm sure Zolar's a very busy cat, you know, and he's got a lot of stuff going on on his end also.

I mean, I'm sure he's got plenty of stripper parties or Howard Stern fan-related stuff that he can do.

And if he wants to do his own thing, then, I mean, that's by all means.

And I expect him to come back myself.

I could definitely trade nights with him and do a Thursday night thing with Zolar and a Friday night thing with myself.

But if that's not possible, then so be it.

But I guess what we're going to do now, is that the official thing, Ju, from what you heard?

Lego's doing the whole Friday night thing.

It's all going to be his block now, huh?

Yeah, yeah, that's cool.

I've never listened to Dr. Lego really before.

Right.

I don't know if he's that good or bad.

Have you listened to him?

Lego?

Yeah, I listen to him just about every week.

I catch at least the last half of his show, if not more.

Sometimes I can't hear the whole thing because, you know, I get in late on a Friday, sometimes after work.

but I support him, I like his stuff, he's very hard on himself, but I'm the same way, you know, on my show, I'm hard on myself, I keep saying that I suck all the time, but he does a good show, and Zola does a good show, everybody here does a good show, Joop, you guys do a good show over there, you guys are hard on yourselves also, but, I mean, it's not a bad thing, it's not a bad thing, I question, is Lego gonna be available on a weekly basis to hold the important Friday night slot, is what my question is, he's a busy guy too, right, he comes across as being busier,

than Zolar is sometimes with his band and his business

and his other business and his other business

and his other stuff that goes on in his life.

So I don't know what that's going to lead to.

I don't know.

It's going to be weird to have Zolar to look forward to on a Friday night,

but so be it.

If it's over, then it's over.

But like I said, I'm sure he'll be back.

Jupe, I know you agree yourself.

Yeah.

Like, I'm sure Lego will be just a fine house,

and if he really sets his mind to it,

he'll be like he'll be determined to do it and i know zola will eventually come back you know

all right it's not like a permanent thing that's not a permanent he loves doing that i know he

loves doing it i have a feeling he might have something going on behind the scenes with sirius

to be honest with you and i've gathered that from a few things that he said and everything so

i mean he was i was trying to explain this in the chat room people weren't following me he said that

you know last week on my show he said he was going to do a submission for the howard stern

Stern Film Festival, and then the last show that we did, he came around and said that

he couldn't because there was some kind of conflict of interest thing, and people who

are involved with Sirius can't be his submitters and stuff, and he also said he was talking

to Tim Sabian, who's the program director at Sirius, he talked to him Thursday when

he was there for the Stern Roundtable, so it may very well be that he's just going to

be getting his own thing on Sirius, you know, on Howard 102, I guess he's starting a new

channel on there, and if that's so, good for him, you know what I mean?

He used this as a stepping board, and he moved on up, and, you know, no hard feelings there.

But it's hard to see a lot of people in the chat room also hating on him all of a sudden, you know?

Everyone's just a tickled douchebag in there.

They can't think for themselves.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, I put a hiatus on myself in the chat room this week.

I didn't visit there until my show Thursday, and I stayed in for Friday because I wanted to be involved there in Zolar's show.

And then I stayed in today because it was a really, I don't know.

I mean, I think the chat room is mostly, the most active the chat room ever gets is Friday and Saturday night, so I decided to go in, you know, and I had thought about earlier about trying not to be in the chat room any longer unless it was during the week because it's taking a really negative tone kind of thing, you know, lately, and I don't know, it's kind of a bring down myself, I don't know if maybe that's what got Zohar going, maybe he just heard comments and stuff and people giving him shit, maybe that brought him down, and if that's so, I'm sure he'll be back, because I know there are more people here that like him than dislike him,

And the people in the chatroom just liking him tonight

I think we're just kind of people

We're just, you know, looking to ruffle some feathers

People like Saigon and Reg Lats and shit like that

Just going in there, looking to start some trouble

Because controversy is to be had

So that's that

Milkman, do you have any comments you want to make real quick on him?

Juke can't hear you, but Juke, just hang on here

We'll let Milkman talk, we'll let you know when he's done

Go ahead, Milkman

Yeah, the way I look at it, Zolar

Zolar is probably one of the most dedicated hosts on the network

There's several dedicated hosts

And Zolar gives a lot of time for free to all of us.

And he doesn't get a lot of recuperation for it, but he does enjoy what he do.

And I think that maybe Zolar would like to take a break.

He's specified several times he's gotten sick.

He still went on.

He's went on two or three hours after he's done sitting off.

In my opinion, Zolar is probably trying to take a break.

And being a very honest man like he is, instead of trying to leave KDK hanging and like,

Like, well, I might be back or I might not.

You know, maybe I'll have the spot, maybe I won't.

He's just going to be a man and say, look, KDK, I got to get off here.

And for whatever reasons, possibly, like you did note, there are some background things,

I think maybe issues that he may be concerned with in his new networking with the whole thing over there at Sirius.

I mean, I've been listening to some of the stuff on Sirius, and I've heard his comments, I've heard your comments,

and it very well could be

there could be a conflict of interest

at this moment in time that

he should back out and see

how it plays out, but I think Zolar will be

back when he gets a chance

and gets a little break, he just needs a break

so guys wouldn't lose

hope on Zolar, Zolar

likes what he does, he likes to bust people's

nuts, he enjoys it

he'll be back to smash someone's nuts again

I'm in awe of what Zolar does

on a weekly basis, he does long

super long shows, he's gone up to

I'll tell you what, there have been twice in the last month that I've gotten up, you know, at 5 a.m., gone by the computer and seen people actually saying he's still on.

At 5 in the morning, you know, Zolar is still on there, prank calling people and talking and playing music and entertaining people, and the numbers are up.

And that says something for his talents and his ability to entertain a crowd, especially the PCU crowd.

So he's good at what he does.

I mean, he does shows.

He'll start at 10 o'clock.

If you can imagine starting at 10 o'clock and going all the way to 3, 4 in the morning sometimes, non-stop.

Maybe takes a break or two, small break.

That's something I never do because I can never go more than three hours at the most myself.

I get burnt out.

So that tells you a lot.

He's good at what he does and I hope it's not an extended period without him.

I hope it's only a temporary thing and I would bet top dollar that he'll be back.

Maybe he'll be back next week as a matter of fact and go out in good fashion.

So there it is.

There it is.

Jupe, let me ask you a question.

Yeah?

What would you, you said that you, you originally wanted the, you originally had the Friday

night, that used to be your night back when you had your show originally, is that how

it went?

Oh, yeah.

Was there a different feel?

Did you like a Friday night better than what you're doing now on a Saturday night?

You know, Saturday, I just wish I could start a little later, because it's like, it's

inconvenient, because like, my mom's always down there fucking doing laundry at 8 o'clock

on Saturday.

Yeah.

And that's all.

Friday night was a good slot, but I can deal with 8 o'clock.

And I think I might just be starting, like, at 6 o'clock every week instead.

That's true.

I like that today.

I heard you're showing its entirety.

Hang on.

Milkman's going to say something.

Go ahead, Milkman.

Maybe a suggestion to help out Jupe and Jupe's household there.

Help Mom do the laundry.

You'll have that dryer out before your show goes on.

All right.

Milkman says that maybe you should help out your mom with the laundry before the show starts.

so you don't have to worry about that whole racket during your show.

Oh, fuck that.

Yeah, does your mom do your laundry for you, too?

Do you do your own laundry yet, or are you still at that stage where...

No, I'm not going to do my own laundry.

Oh, man.

You're going to have to do your laundry someday.

Do you think you could do a load of laundry if you had to?

Like, if your mom said tomorrow, that's it.

Oh, I know how to do it.

I don't want to.

You just don't want to?

Yeah.

Okay.

All right, well, there you go.

Must be nice.

Enjoy it while you can, because pretty soon you're going to be out doing your own laundry,

and that's always fun.

Exactly.

Man, I fucked up my first load of laundry when I left for college the first time.

I just about completely flooded out the laundromat with soapy water.

I just jumped like half the bottle of Tide inside the machine.

I didn't even know what the hell it was.

I was like, oh, all right, just throw it all in there.

And I left.

I went to the two stores down.

I came back, and half the laundromat was flooded over with soapy water and suds and stuff.

And I freaked out.

I grabbed my stuff, and I threw it in the basket, and I ran out of there.

and i went to my mom's house the next day and had her do it for me so i had to run back to mom and

have her do it for me in that in that sad you it must be nice yeah it must be nice yeah i had to

do my laundry since about sixth grade man i mean i i wasn't allowed to pretend it was like i had to

take turns and do it i had to do dishes i had to do all that nasty shit so i ate it still but you

know i had to start early yeah so juke what else can we talk about today you want to try to do a

prank call? I got some numbers from Lonesome Loser.

They're confirmed. Oh, sure, dude.

Alright, here's what we got.

We got Ted Turner, we got Doreen

Dredd, and we got Rahit

Boob. Rahit Boob.

Rahit Boob, an Arab woman

in Omaha, Nebraska. I didn't know

they existed in Omaha, Nebraska, but apparently

they do. And this is confirmed

about an hour ago. Let's see if they're still there.

You want to take this one, Joop? Oh, sure.

Right on. Alright, here comes Joop

with the first prank call of the

the uh extended night we'll be right back after this folks don't go anywhere i'll give her back

her bag of cucumbers and vaseline you do that cucumbers and vaseline well not yeah and the

comment in the chat room arabs are all over the place apparently they are i hear a lot about that

i want to ask about my her name's uh uva last name or her first name chica chica that sounds

like a really fucking hot name i like the jizz in her hair yeah man she's with her fucking yeah

when i was in high school somebody snatched the burk off some girl's head and she started

That's pretty sad, but it was funny at the same time.

We've got a dollar plus in A-I-E-A-Hawaii.

A-I-E-A-Hawaii.

A dollar plus.

Or we can try Doreen Dredd or Ted Turner.

And let me say real quick, I'm sorry, KDK.

I didn't know you wanted to keep going on.

I kicked you because I thought you were done, and Joop said you were going to go on,

and I thought I was going to go on, so we decided to go on together.

So, my bad.

Joop, I'm sure you're sorry that we cut KDK off short,

word but it's all you it's all us i guess it's all our fault anyway let's do this you want to

try one more dude oh sure okay you want to try that dollar plus in hawaii look man what time

is it in hawaii right now it's a five hour difference so it's 7 20 p.m is it 7 25 in

hawaii i don't know 7 25 i wonder if it's those one of those all you can buy everything's a dollar

or if it's just like everything's cheap you know i mean there's two different kind of dollar

dollar stores is the kind where everything is a dollar and is the one where like everything is

you know three four or five dollars because we'll have to find out anyway one's dollar king i think

you may be talking about dollar store dollar store is the dollar and you know yeah use a dollar for

for item i don't know those arabs run those dollar pluses all over the place too

i'm gonna complain about it all right hang on everybody here comes another prankage if uh you

don't mind uh yeah all right i'll start this one off hang on everybody

Everybody, early hit their Hawaiian hitman cap.

God, you guys are still open.

Is this the dollar plus?

This is dollar plus.

Okay, great.

But what's your price structure like over there?

Are you guys one of those everything's a dollar kind of deal, or is it different?

Dollar plus a dollar.

Like a dollar one?

Looking for a dollar store?

Well, whatever.

As long as you guys got some toilet paper for a dollar, then we're in business.

Single roll?

Is that one ply or two ply?

It's not that sandpaper shit, is it?

Really irritates me.

Have you used it before?

Is that what you guys have in the bathroom over there?

Do you grab it off the shelf?

I'm here at the hotel right now, actually at the Marriott.

Where are you guys located?

Waimalu.

Waimalu?

What's that?

Is that the street?

If you're new in the island, you're not going to be able to find this is a small shopping center.

Well, I'm in Aia right now.

We just had dinner.

You go someplace in that area?

Yeah.

This is in the country?

Yeah, well, that's where I'm at right now, in Aia.

I'm doing some botany studies, and I need some toilet paper.

I just made this nasty mess in the bathroom here in the RV,

and I'm thinking about stopping by, picking up some toilet paper because it looks like we're out of it.

Oh, you can go to any supermarket.

No, but no, no, no, no, no, you don't understand. I only have a dollar left here.

It's really expensive to fly over to this stinking island, you know what I mean?

And to be honest with you, there's not a lot of Americans here either.

But, um, I'm over here near Kahiki, Healy Street, you know?

Yeah, Max.

Tony can get one roll for 61 cents.

What do you mean, I can get as many rolls as I want?

Just, um, you know, you get like long...

What, do you have some kind of rationing on the paper here or something? What's the matter?

I can't talk.

But sure you should.

Hey.

The company.

It was.

He was just telling me to go somewhere else.

Hey, dollar plus man.

You there still?

Yeah, he's there.

Hey.

Hey, dollar plus guy.

Hey.

Enter the number you wish to call.

Let's call Los Habaneros, a Mexican restaurant in Caliwacona.

All right.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

Shut up, bitch.

I hate that bitch.

Here's everybody.

34 minutes.

You're taking this one?

We're calling a Mexican restaurant.

Los Habaneros?

Habaneros.

No!

Los Habaneros.

You know, I've got a problem with the name over there.

My name is Julio. I'm a Mexican man. Well, I'm of Mexican descent. And I'm awfully, awfully trifled with the idea that you think all Mexican establishments have to be named after something Mexican. They have to be named after something.

You know what I realized? Habaneros is like a band on, like, Cuba, not Mexican.

Habanero.

Ooh, there's a Los Garcias. I'll take that one.

Oh, yeah.

Because I'm Eddie Garcia. That's your favorite character.

That's my favorite character.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

Excuse me.

30 minutes.

Chinese food coming up, man. That's not good.

Los Garcias can help you.

Hey, yo, how you doing, man?

Can help you.

Yo, my last name is Garcia, too.

Uh-huh.

Yo, that's crazy. What kind of food you all got? Cuban?

No, Mexican.

Yo, Mexican, yo, just like me, yo, yo, what the fuck, yo, Garcia, Garcia, yeah, bro, hold on, you like a to-go order, yeah, I need to speak to Garcia, oh, he's not in right now, who's talking, take a message, yo, my name is Garcia too, yo, right on, bro, yeah, so what you all got there, y'all got some, what you need, y'all got, y'all got anything with jalapenos, hold on, bring

that to go order.

Yeah, no, I want to come in, yo.

Come in before 10 o'clock, bro.

It is 10 o'clock. It's before.

Okay, come in then.

I need my VIP chair, though.

What you mean VIP chair?

Yo, I'm a Garcia, yo, with some of my military ID.

It says Eddie Garcia.

Yeah, but I was in the war.

Yeah, but it says here, if your last name is Garcia, you get a free burger and you eat at the free table.

It's AMC?

Yep.

Yo, what's wrong with you?

Yo, I'm a veteran, yo.

Yeah, good, bro.

If any veterans come eat over here.

I got kicked out of the war, though.

You killed some people before you left.

Yo, I did.

I killed five of my own men on accident.

Bruh.

My bad.

Hey, bro, we're busy now, so I got to go.

Come down.

Yeah, well, take my order.

Take my order, yo.

No, if you started to go already, you got to come in and order it.

No, I got to go now.

I'm going to come pick it up.

Boy, it's a takeout order.

That's what I wanted to know.

Yeah, that's what I said, yo.

My name is Private Garcia.

What's lightning here, yo?

These numbers are coming to everybody.

Thanks to Lonesome Loser in the chat room.

Thank you, Lonesome Loser.

Confirming at 2.38 a.m.

That's crazy.

What a trooper.

You should give him a show, then.

Fuck, yo!

I think they just hung up on you.

Well, I'm gonna call back.

Let's wait till the phone bitch comes back here.

Yo, my father's gonna fire you.

I told you I'm gonna see ya.

He's entered the number.

This place is shit.

Milkman, what were you gonna ask, man?

I was gonna...

I had you on mute because of the fan.

Oh, it's all right.

I turned it off, and it's over with me.

It's not relevant anymore.

Help you.

Yo, and I want, like, just a little...

Right, you gotta get it.

A little bit of cheese on it.

We didn't order it.

And a little bit of cheese.

That's it.

You got all that?

No, I never got nothing, but you got to come down here and order it.

Yo, what the fuck, yo?

Yo, my dad's going to fire you.

Fuck, dude.

Asshole.

Okay.

You want to keep going, Jupe, or do you got to go?

I just want to sit down and listen to this.

All right.

It's okay.

Well, I'm sorry.

Well, hey, keep listening, man.

Thank you for joining in.

You wish to call.

All right, we will, lady.

Anyway, Jupe, thanks for calling in, man.

It's always a pleasure.

Please enter the number.

All right.

We're being rushed off the phone.

All right, man.

Peace out, my friend.

There we go, that's better.

Ah, much better.

Yeah.

Nice one.

Yeah, it was, man.

I'm burping like a fiend.

And I'm sweating my ass off, too, man.

It's fucking hot.

It's so fucking hot.

I am, too, man.

I turned off the freaking fan, man.

And my guts are rumbling like a thunderstorm, man, from that spaghetti I had tonight.

You got to take a shit?

No, man.

It's just rumbling through me, man.

Yeah, I'm on my third beer.

And I've had two somas tonight.

night so i'm about to get really fucked up hopefully i wake up in the morning you're

gonna be polluted whatever i was doing taxes today another hour ago yeah i was doing my

parents taxes today drunk i was doing my parents taxes tonight drunk listening to kdk and i think

for some reason they're getting a huge return i think i might have done it wrong so

i printed it and i'll see anyway in the chat room if you're not in the chat room i don't know if

I'm going to give out the normal shout-outs to everybody,

because for the most part, if you're listening now,

you're probably a PCU regular.

We have 37 listeners right now for 3 a.m.,

which isn't bad, I guess.

Not bad at all.

Heck yeah, man. You kidding?

I can't fucking complain.

We haven't even halved the numbers yet.

Nope, nope, nope, nope.

Hang on, we got a call, an exclusive call.

Take it any second now.

What the fuck's that all about?

Get my Chinese food.

Well, I'm going to scare you.

You think you can maybe go down on your girl,

like, live on the air for us here real quick?

Kim, can I lick your pussy live on the air?

Do that shit, man.

When you come back down with my Chinese food, all right?

For real, she's gonna do it?

Yep, yep, she said no problem.

Ah, and my phone's dying here, hang on.

In fact, she wants me to lick her pussy

while I have a piece of broccoli in my mouth.

Oh, nice, nice, hang on.

I'm gonna walk around here around the apartment

while I get the other phone.

Hopefully it's charged up enough.

So what's up, Lego?

What's going on with you tonight, man?

Nah, man, you know, I lost...

My fucking throat is killing me

I lost my voice

But I'm ready to prank

Good deal

Hopefully

You know what

I didn't charge up my phones

After the last show

Like a dumbass

I sat here

My fat ass

Doing nothing

Can you plug it in

Yeah I got another one here

I had it charging

For about 15 minutes

So we should be able

To get a few pranks in here

We'll wait for the one

To die

And then we'll

Listen

You can say that

For the most part

Yeah

Get me

Get me a

A drugstore

In Hawaii

This guy

Lonesome loser

We'll get you a drugstore

In a second here

I know

I got a place called

the stool tool if that's not a gay boy i don't know what is all right for a drugstore though

hang on yeah i also got a uh speaking the chinese food we get the posting chicken no i'm sorry the

posting kitchen the mexican restaurant here also if you want to call that sure what's it up what's

is it up to me as usual yeah well no you know any any of those work for me all right let's call the

mexicans then okay okay in the process i'm gonna have to do a little switcheroo with the phone

all right so hang on now lego and hang on everybody else we're coming back with a prank

and call. Then, Lego, I'm going to talk to you live on the air

if you don't mind. Surely.

Alright, then. We'll be right back, everybody. Hang on.

Okay, Lego. Can you say something for me real quick?

Check one three. Awesome. We got it.

Okay, hang on. Okay, here we go.

Mexican restaurant. Cool.

We're calling Los Chaparros. This is Lisa.

Hey, Lisa. How you doing? Lisa?

Yes. Yes, Ricardo. How are you?

I'm sorry? Alright, listen. I want to

pick up an order.

I'm sorry. I can't hear you. I would like to get to go.

Open your ears a little, okay?

Because you've got to fucking listen to me here.

I want to pick up an order to go.

Okay, what can I get for you?

All right, I want to get two hard tacos.

Oh, we only have soft tacos.

Oh, I like my tacos hard, like my men.

All right, I'll take the soft, two soft tacos with bison beef.

With what in beef?

Bison.

I'm sorry, we have shredded beef.

Right, that's what I want, in a brown sauce.

In brown sauce?

Well, what do you mix the beef in, like a spicy brown sauce?

We cook it with chipotle peppers, onions, garlic.

Oh, I love that.

You sound so hot.

What can I get for you?

I'm saying, is it hot or is it mild?

I would say it's medium.

Can I get them extra hot?

Sure.

Okay.

So I'll take the two soft tacos like that.

And what else do you recommend?

I'm sorry, wait.

So this is a two-item combo with shredded beef, both spicy.

I don't want the combo.

Oh, just a la carte?

Yeah, I want the cart and the tacos.

Okay.

All right, and what else, like quesadilla, burrito, what else you got?

We have quesadillas, burritos, tamales.

All right, can I get some French fries?

Sorry, we don't have French fries.

Oh, you don't have French fries.

Okay, because most Mexican places I know have them.

What kind of, like, what do you have in place of French fries?

Well, for sides, you have your choice of rice and beans or soup or salad.

Are the beans kosher?

Yes.

Okay, so there's no, like, pork or, like, lobster in them?

No, there's nothing.

There's just beans.

Like, baked beans, like Heinz.

All right, I'll take the beans.

So, do you want to add that here to tacos?

Yeah, it's like a baked bean, right?

Like a brown bean?

Like a pinto bean.

All right, you know, a pinto or a Corvette, Volkswagen, I don't care.

I just want, like, the Heinz, you know, they make it like the Heinz beans.

It's got, like, it's like a brown sauce with it, right?

There's no sauce.

Well, I'm saying it's tasty.

It tastes good.

Sweet.

No, they're not sweet.

Oh, they're not sweet.

What do they taste like?

They're just regular Mexican pot beans, and then they're cooked with oil and refried.

I only want them fried once.

You don't have to refry them.

Okay.

So that sounds good to me.

So we got the two tacos.

We got the beans.

And I guess that's it.

I don't want to eat too much because it's getting late.

Okay, so it's going to be a two-item combo with all beans, no rice.

Is that correct?

Right.

What's your name?

My name's Lisa.

Lisa, all right.

So when will this be ready?

We'll have this ready for you in about 10 minutes.

Oh, wow, okay.

I'll probably be like 10, 15 minutes because I've just got to put my pants on.

Are you busy there tonight?

Sounds like there's a band playing or something.

I'm busy right now.

Okay.

All right, so you want to put it under my name or should I just pick it up?

Victor, let me give you my cell phone.

It's 310-217-7891.

Okay, so that completes your order then?

Put it on, yeah.

Tacos with all beans.

Yeah!

What do you think of that?

Do you think that's good?

Oh, it's so good!

All right.

About 10, 15 minutes?

Yeah, 15 minutes.

Yeah, I get, you know.

Give me 20.

Let me just think.

Can I be there in 10 minutes?

I need 20, Papa.

Oh, no.

You know, I'm just trying to think.

Do you guys have a salad?

Yes, we do.

What kind of salad do you have?

We have a house salad.

We have a lochaparro salad.

Salad.

A little chapato salad has corn.

All right, you know what?

Nah, that's too exotic for me, all that crap.

You don't have, like, a Caesar salad?

House salad, which just has lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, red onion, and cheese.

What kind of cheese?

Shredded Monterey and Jack.

Nah, that's too heavy for me.

What do you have to drink?

What kind of drinks do you have?

Coke, Diet Coke, lemonade, iced tea, fruit punch.

We have barritos, we have sangria, horchata.

Oh, fruit punch.

Um, Dr. Pepper.

I'll have Dr. Pepper.

All right, what do you have again?

Dr. Pepper.

We have Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Lemonade, Sprite, Blue Punch.

Orange? Do you have orange?

We have orange harrisos.

Orange who?

Harrisos.

Teresa?

Harrisican soda.

Oh, I don't know what that is.

What is that, like an energy drink?

Who's Teresa?

It's a bottle of Mexican soda in a glass bottle.

Okay, and what does that mean it's Mexican?

The water's not good in it or something?

I'm going to get sick?

It's a Mexican brand of soda.

Right, so they make it with that Mexican water that makes you sick over there.

You're supposed to not drink the water when you go there.

Come on, the Zuma.

Okay, so you're not interested in the soda.

Well, that's what they say, right?

I want the revenge.

I think that's tap water.

All right.

I want soda.

I just, you don't have the flavors I like, I don't think.

What about root beer?

We already went through all of the flavors that we have.

We do not have root beer.

We do not have orange soda.

All right, no, because sometimes when I order from places,

even though they run down the list,

they don't always mention all the things, like they might have cans or something.

I mean, I don't mean to be rude.

You don't have to get snippy with me.

I'm not getting snippy with you.

I'm just confirming that we don't have the sodas that you're asking for.

Okay.

Then what about beer?

We don't have our liquor license.

You don't have any beer?

Not even a Mexican beer?

We don't have any beer.

Okay.

You only serve wine and sangria?

We don't have our liquor license.

Isn't sangria alcoholic?

We only have non-alcoholic sangria.

Ah, that makes sense because you can't serve alcohol.

All right.

Did you want one of those?

Is it good?

Very good.

Oh, it's so good.

Sweet?

Yeah.

All right, can you, can I, I'll tell you what.

Let's do the sangria and a bottle of salsa.

Small, like me.

Yeah.

I guess, yeah.

Oh, you have tiramisu?

What do you have for dessert?

Chocolate Kahlua cake, bread pudding, and flan.

Do you have key lime pie?

Yeah, pie.

Is that a Mexican delicacy?

Key lime pie.

I don't think so.

It's a fried ice cream.

Yeah, fried ice cream.

I don't have that.

He just said, I just heard the guy in the background.

Sorry.

God, your order.

What about my order?

This is your order.

Lisa, yeah, I mean, come on.

I understand why you've got to be a little, you know, all messed up on me.

I'm just trying to get it straight, you know?

I'm just trying to get a good meal going here.

Okay, well, I'm just trying to make sure this is everything you want so I can get it ready for you.

All right.

What's the band there tonight?

There's no band.

Oh, there's no band.

You don't have, like, some guy, like, with a hat on playing the chinchilla?

Your tamale's so hard.

All right.

Are you Mexican?

Like, is this authentic Mexican food made by Mexicans?

All right.

Because if it was made by some, like, you know, Korean guy, I wouldn't want it.

Because then it's not authentic Mexican food.

If I wanted, like, Korean food, I'd go get, like, Korean to make my food.

Lisa, I love you, and I'll see you in, like, 15 minutes.

I'll make your order with a two-taco combo, the sangria, and a small salsa.

All right.

I'll be there, and I'll get the sangria with the salsa and the tacos and the baked beans.

All right.

I'll be wearing a green shirt.

Okay, thank you very much.

All right, wear something skimpy.

I'll see you in a little bit.

but how long can you keep an idiot on the phone?

I don't know, man.

Even with all the dirty talk in the background,

fucking hell.

She wants it, man.

It was funny.

I thought somebody...

I didn't realize that was you saying get the fried ice cream.

Are you serious?

Who do you think it was?

It was me.

I'm making gay sounds all the time.

You want to do one more?

I got tons of shit from Lonesome Loser, the man.

Let's do one.

I got your drugstore in the Kalua Mall shopping center.

Hang on.

Go ahead.

Okay.

Bless me.

It's a long drugstore in Honolulu tasting Chinese.

Thank you for calling Lansahala Home.

How may I help you?

Hello?

Hi.

Hi, yeah, I got a really bad sore throat.

Uh-huh.

What do you got?

Okay, one second, please.

Hold, please.

Don't put me on hold long.

I'm not feeling good.

Okay, let me.

I have to page someone in order to answer your questions.

I have to put you on hold.

Well, what do you think the best cough syrup is?

Hold.

It's to take some cough medicine with cough drops.

Yeah, which one do you recommend?

Anyone is good.

Robitussin is good.

Yeah, you like that one?

Yeah.

Alright, because I was thinking maybe I would just take like a tampon and stick it in the back of my throat, and it would like ease the pain a little.

Um, sir, I don't think that's going to help.

Alright, well then, what about NyQuil?

NyQuil is good if you need that.

Will that help me sleep too?

Yes, sir.

If I drink a whole bottle of it, can I hallucinate?

Please.

No, wait, listen, what about, do you guys have any of that, oh.

I don't like the way she's talking, you asked for some codeine.

Fuck Hawaii anyway.

man. You know what I mean?

Come on. Well, he's our Hawaiian hitman.

I hate that. Look, man, since I'm

the Hawaiian hitman, I'm so fucked up,

dude. Why don't you put me on fuckin' hold?

I don't know what the fuck with hold.

April 16th is Easter, and that means specials are

hopping at your neighborhood... Yo!

Next week is Easter?

What the fuck, man?

Thank you for your patience during this brief delay.

Peter's Cottontail.

Fuck Easter, too, man. You know what I mean?

Like, oh, fuck Easter. You go back there.

Fuckin' niggers, man.

Hey, Carter, speaking of Peter's Cotton Town.

Hang on, I'll put you right through.

Hang on.

I thought we were supposed to get 69.

Yeah, listen, are you the same girl I was talking to?

Um, yes.

Why are you putting me on hold like that?

Sir, I answered your question and I needed to talk to a pharmacist for you.

Okay, listen, you know, I have a little bit of a mental problem.

And, you know, so I don't, sometimes I say things, it's like a, I have something called Tourette's Syndrome.

And sometimes I'll say things that I don't mean to say.

and I have a sore throat and it's, you know, I'm just like not feeling good tonight.

Okay, sir. All I can tell you right now is take some cough medicine or if not, see a doctor.

Yeah, well, you know, I saw a doctor today and they said if I was uncomfortable to call the drugstore

and they would be able to help me.

He wouldn't give me a prescription because he said, well, the doctor said the medicine that I'm already on

can affect me if I take certain drugs and he didn't want to give anything to me.

Okay, so then you should listen to your doctor's approval.

He said I could...

He said he could help you with that, sir.

If you need, you need to talk to your doctor.

No, he's...

My doctor, really, he's an ass.

I don't trust him.

He's a new guy I'm seeing.

He's like, you know, I think he just got out of medical school or something.

You know, do you know a Dr. Kevorkian?

No, I don't.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, he's in town here.

He wanted to put me on this crystal meth stuff.

Okay, sir, I'm sorry if you're having trouble with your doctor, but I can't answer your question.

All right.

Um, so how much is, how much is a bottle of Fremunda juice?

What was that, sir?

How much is a bottle of Fremunda juice?

Fremunda.

Sir, would you like me to call a food clerk for you?

A food clerk?

I don't know if Fremunda juice is a, is a food category.

Okay, well, I don't know exactly what that is, but would you like to talk to my manager?

Yeah, I would.

Okay, one second, please.

Okay.

Shut up, motherfucker!

You fucking...

God damn it!

You fuckin' nigger-ass car alarm son of a bitch!

During this brief delay, we'll be with you in a moment.

There was always a fuckin' problem here, man.

Always, always a fuckin' problem here, man.

Leggo, you know what I mean?

Yeah, well, talk the bitch.

Fuck my life.

I'll forbid you get somebody good.

I gotta live blessed to the fuckin' immigrants!

...maintenance prescription drugs by mail.

Where's this, Honolulu?

Yeah, Honolulu.

How long does it take to get a manager on the phone?

I don't know. Man, I really need some pussy, man. You know what I mean?

I really need some. I really need some. I'm going to go to Honolulu in a minute myself.

You think my girl's cheating on me in Amsterdam, dude?

Nah, dude. I don't think she's cheating on you like what categorizes as cheating.

Dude.

I think she might be sucking cock, you know.

That's fucking cheating, motherfucker.

But if the guy doesn't come in her mouth, it's not cheating.

Is that how it is?

Thank you for calling.

She was so fucked up today, man, when she called me.

I told you.

It's all about drinking and getting pounded in the ass.

Let's fucking go to Amsterdam, dude.

Let's all fucking save up and go.

Milkman said he's down.

Let's go.

I'm down.

We can do the show right from there.

I'm ready.

Fuck yeah.

Longs.

Long Dong.

All right, call back.

Hang on, nigga.

What happened to Kim with the 69, Carlito?

I don't know, Milkman.

Call back.

Hang on, Lego there, Chief.

Punch you in the mouth, Lego, if you're here right now.

Cool.

Hello?

Yeah, is this the drugstore?

Who is this?

What's up?

To Maitland.

Nah, I was trying to...

I was calling the drugstore.

My throat was killing me.

And then some asshole put me on hold.

You got the wrong number.

What are you...

Darren, what's going on?

What do you do?

What do you want?

Is this like an establishment or a home?

No, it's a personal residence.

Darren, don't get all fucked up on me.

I'm sorry.

I'm not feeling good.

Stop falling over here.

When did I call?

Who the fuck is Darren?

He's a fucking stupid pineapple-eating Hawaiian bitch.

Get him back on the phone.

We need to get some racist word for Hawaiian.

Um, yeah, I'll come up with something.

What's a racist word for Hawaiian, Kevin?

Pineapple nigger.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

Hang on, I'm gonna hit readout.

Yeah, that's a good pineapple nigger.

Entered is not valid.

Oh, fuck you.

Please try again.

You fucking cunt.

Please try to call again later.

You fucking cunt.

Look at that bitch, man.

Bitch.

Why do you guys use this elaborate fucking phone system?

because because we're not business owners like you like okay oh dude fuck off you know it's not

my fault you're fucking getting laid all right you know what it's not my fault that i don't have

enough capital to start a business okay dude you should let you should let her get laid you know

what let it get get it out of her system now never do it she never do it hope

hope you fuck the hell out of her.

I hope you, like, made her pussy sore before she left.

Look, what are you talking about?

She'd get in there for a weekend.

It was, like, 75% fucking.

That's all we did, man.

Well, that's what I'm saying, man.

I hope you, like, fucking left burn marks on there

where it'll fucking scab up and be non-useful for a week.

She fucking calls me begging for me to go up there to fuck this fucker.

That's all she...

No, man, I hold my house in order, all right?

I'm, like, the number one fucking...

I'm the number one pussy eater.

Number one, I'm the number one pussy eater.

Number two, I got the cock.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, well, Mr. Cock, remember, if she can't get the cock,

she's getting it somewhere else.

No, she's getting it from me, motherfucker.

That's what it is.

You're always on here.

Now, what's this?

You actually let your woman hit it up with another dude?

Is that true?

If he's a cool guy and, you know, dude, it's a whole fucking thing.

I can't explain it.

I know.

It's a different thing.

It all depends on your relationship that you have.

Yeah, you know, the bottom line is if I didn't, she'd cheat on me.

So it's kind of like the legal way she can cheat.

I don't know, man.

But you're not married, but you've been together for like ten years or something?

Dude, let me just tell you.

Tell me.

See, if you let your girl swing, then it's all cool.

Right now, she's fucking some dude, and she's cheating on you.

But she's not, though, man.

I can tell you for a fact.

I know.

She called me today.

She's like, all I'm doing is thinking about you.

Yeah, not when she's fucking drunk at a bar and there's some fucking good-looking Amsterdam guy there.

She's not drunk.

With a big fucking bulge in his pants.

What the fuck?

She's fucking salivating.

Look, Amsterdam has nothing on Carlito, and I say here and now, Amsterdam has nothing on Carlito, because I fucked that bitch, and she has, she has, she, she's good for, like, the next five months.

Dude, I'm not saying no, I'm just telling you, you know, what happens in Amsterdam stays in Amsterdam.

It's not like that.

But seriously, we gotta go to Amsterdam, dude.

She told me she went up there, and it's, like, she called me today, tonight, you know, like, about three hours ago.

She's like, dude, it is insane over here, dude.

dude. We were going to go next year again.

She's like... Oh, yeah, dude. Fuck yeah.

That place is nuts. She went there right now.

She went to a coffee shop. The first one

she went to was, like, a bakery. Sat there

and they bought brownies, and she said she got...

It was like... It took, like, a half hour

to kick in, but she got so fucked up.

She's like... I just...

She went to sleep, woke up two

hours later, and she was still, like,

high off her ass, she said. I was like,

oh, shit. Fucking her panties were down around her ankles

and she had Vaseline on her ass.

You had this thing about proving to me that my girls

Listen, let me tell you

I'm not like you

I satisfy my women

You know what I mean?

I don't even want it

Myself, you know

In my history

I've never had a woman break up with me

Because I wasn't satisfying her

Dude, it's not a matter of that

Some women have

Some women have a bigger

Like, fucking craving

A bigger desire

They're not worth it

They're bitches

I will never break my back for a woman

Fuck a woman

You know what I mean?

When it comes down to it

Why do you say that?

Because fuck women, man

Fuck women.

What do they fucking, what do they do to you?

So you're saying you want to go, like, gay and shit?

No, no, I'm saying what is...

You want to hang out with fucking Scott?

No, no, no.

What's one woman, what does one woman have that the next one doesn't have?

You tell me.

A hole's a hole.

Just like the jerky boy said, a hole's a fucking hole.

Wrong, man.

Some chicks have definite tight up pussy.

Fuck, yeah, so you find the next one, whatever.

If your bitch came there and started some shit with you, you know what, you cut it

off right there and you just start fucking some other hole.

Fuck it.

The difference is, is I could fuck some other hoe and fuck my hoe.

See, you got the hookup right there.

I wish I was you, because you're not even married, right?

No.

Technically, she doesn't have half, right?

Well, you know, what is it, palimony or something?

Whatever the...

No, tell me the truth, though.

You're not married, right?

Eh, you might as well call it that.

If you were...

If you...

Let's say, okay, whatever fucked up.

If you and Kim just fucking split it off right now, okay?

Yeah.

Would she get half of your business?

Well, yes, man, you'd see me on fucking, you'd see me on divorce court, man.

Fuck that.

Fuck that shit, because you're in New York, right?

But have you been?

After five years, man.

After five years, they own it.

Not in Florida, fuck that.

At least in Florida, if you don't have that marriage shit, if you don't have that contract,

if you didn't go to the JOP, Justice of the Peace or the priest, you're straight.

That's how it should be, because fucking, you know what I mean?

A woman will change her fucking ass on you in a second.

Just this, look, do you hear this right here?

You hear that snap of the finger?

Just like that.

A bitch will straight up fucking lose your ass and go with some fucking Jamaican guy.

I'm with you, nigga, shit.

You know what I mean?

Fuck them women.

That's what I'm talking about.

They'll do anything in a second.

Anybody listening to me right now, fuck, and let God know you've been in that position before.

You're older than me.

You've been burned by someone that's bitches before, right?

I hate that shit.

Fuck that shit, man.

Talking about, I'm on my period, I got a headache.

Fuck that shit.

What's up with that?

Fuck that.

Seriously.

Fucking woman.

You ever bang a, not a pregnant woman, you ever bang a married woman?

Yeah.

They're the best.

You bang, you, you.

I'll tell you, I'm so mad, I'm going to go fucking smack her in the fucking face when I'm done.

Well, what happened with you getting her pussy live on the air?

Let's do it right now.

Nah, fuck it.

Now I'm going to kick her ass live on the air.

Do it now.

Come on.

Do the 69 on the air.

Do the 69 on the air. We want to hear that shit.

Dude, I actually have a recording of Kim fucking blowing me to completion.

Man, you're all talk.

You want to hear it?

You're all talk. Let's hear it.

Alright, hold on.

Kim, you want to do it?

Pull it. It goes right here right now.

Bitch, I haven't been this drunk on the air ever in my life.

She ain't doing it.

She's not doing it because she's a woman.

Nah, she would do it. She's working. I just fucked up her... I just did something to her computer so she's fucking around.

Whatever. You let me talk to her. I bet you won't because I'll set her straight.

Listen.

Yeah, exactly.

She's already on the other side of the room on her computer.

Scared.

What can I tell you, dude?

At least my bitch ain't getting like two black cocks on her ass right now.

There are no fucking black people in Amsterdam, and if there are, they shouldn't be there.

Dude, there's no black people in Amsterdam?

There's no.

I'll eat my hat if there's a fucking black man right now in Amsterdam.

Dude, when there is a black man in Amsterdam, it's like fucking over.

When there is.

When a black man figures out what's going on in Amsterdam, he'll pimp that shit out.

Fuck it.

All right, so what else is happening, man?

I don't know.

You want to do another prank call?

You want to be...

Didn't you say you wanted to talk to me?

Yeah, we're talking right now.

What's this about?

All right, nigga, shit.

You know, you always talking shit about me.

Come on.

Man up.

Why talk about you, man?

Man up, Lego.

Man up.

Come on.

What do you mean, man up, man?

Man up.

Yo, man, bros before hoes, all right?

Bros before hoes.

Here we go again.

Again, taking my ideas, just like Zolar does.

What do you mean?

I'm just fucking with you.

You think this Zolar shit is...

Here's what I think, all right?

Here's what my thinking is.

I think that they gave Zolar a little hint that he's going to get his own thing on Sirius,

and he thinks he's got to move on,

and he's got to hang out with the right people on Friday nights,

because that's when all this shit happens, where he's at,

and he's going to get in, so he's going to kind of take a hiatus.

And I don't have no beef with that.

Whatever. Good for him, man.

Whatever it takes, man.

You know, if it was me, shit.

I, I, you know.

You know what I mean?

But I honestly think, I honestly think, just like Joop said, just like Milkman says, just like KDK says, that he'll come back.

You know why?

Because he loves this shit.

Because this is the root of where it's at.

You know, for me, this is where I want to be at.

So you're seriously going to do, you're going to do a Friday night show?

Are you going to start at 10 o'clock and go all the way down?

Well, I'll do, I'll go on from like 10 to 10.15.

No problem.

You're going to go on, you're going to do a 15-minute show.

Yeah, that's all I need, man.

Do you know that I originally wanted the Friday night spot?

I'll tell you what.

If Zola really isn't going on, you take it.

It's all good.

Lego, you are Johnny Come Lately.

You know what that means?

I'll sing it for you.

Something kind of like a gay thing?

Hey, motherfucker, I'll sing it for you.

I'm with Johnny because marching home again, hurrah.

Oh, now I got it.

At the last minute, you come, this nigga here.

Yo, I'm Lego.

I'm going to take Friday night.

What's up?

Dude, you know, it's all good, man.

I don't give a...

I'm just playing with you.

I can't do Friday night because my woman will kick my ass.

No, you're doing it now.

Friday night...

You committed yourself.

I fuck on Friday night.

Dude, your woman will get pissed.

Let me tell you something right now.

Fuck that bitch.

You're going to be pissed at your woman.

You ain't...

In fact...

Look, fuck Kim.

Fuck Athena.

Fuck any other bitch out there.

Because when it comes down to it, bros are for hoes.

That's what I'm saying.

and that's why we should have a fucking room

full of fucking hookers tonight

banging them on the air.

Fuck it.

Why aren't you here?

Why aren't you here in Atlanta right now?

Why don't you fly down or I fly up there

and we do that shit, you know?

I've been telling Zolar,

I'm coming up May 5th up north.

Okay.

Why don't we chill out?

Why don't we do something?

Where are you going to be?

You know what I mean?

Where are you going to be?

Where are you going to be up north?

I'm going to be in Pennsylvania.

I'll take a ride up to New York.

Dude, you're in Pennsylvania.

You're fucking an hour and a half away.

Fuck it.

Let's do it.

All right, fine. May 5th, it's on.

May 5th, we're there.

Yeah, you know what? Let's go to KDK's house and fucking kick his ass, too.

No, let KDK come here and we'll kick his ass.

Tired of him. Tired of KDK.

Dude, I got... Dude, we'll go to KDK's house. It's like... I mean, he's got a nice place, but, you know...

His radio setup's like Sanford and Son, dude.

Nice place, my ass. He's got a... You know what a hud home is?

Dude, let me just tell you. Don't let Zola kid you, okay?

KDK's on Section 8, motherfucker.

Bro, don't let KDK fool you.

He has, like, a fucking beautiful apartment with a fucking beautiful view of Manhattan.

He's got a view of Manhattan from Connecticut.

My dick.

My fat dick.

Oh, Zolar's got a view of Manhattan?

My bad, I'm sorry.

Go ahead.

Go ahead, continue.

Like, I'm sorry, I'm stepping over you.

Go ahead.

Oh, KDK's got a really nice house.

He does?

Yeah.

He's got a fat apartment, dude.

And his upstairs neighbor is Crazy Dave?

Yeah.

He's got a lot of crazy neighbors.

Whatever you say, man.

What happened with Joop, dude?

Fuck Joop.

Yeah.

You know?

He had to go.

Whatever.

Joopie was a little weird wacky tonight.

He wasn't on it.

He's angry.

You know what got him all messed up?

Zolar.

That's what it is.

Yeah, because he's Zolar's butt boy.

Exactly, man.

Man, he's always licking Zolar's dick in the background.

What happened now?

What did Zolar do?

Zolar came true, right?

Yeah.

He sold out.

He sold you out.

He sold KDK out.

He sold me out.

He sold everybody out tonight.

And what are you going to do about it?

What is Lego going to do about it?

Lego?

What I'm going to do, I'll tell you what.

Oh, by the way, you know, what I'm going to do is I'm going to tell you the truth about Saigon.

Saigon?

Fuck that nigga, Saigon.

I'll kick his ass.

No, dude.

That nigga been talking about calling my show for the last month,

he never calls in you know what let me just tell you about saigon first of all there's a reason he

doesn't call in and there's a reason he's a faggot no he's he's not bro okay i'm gonna tell

you i know the guy for a while he used to uh he believe it or not he's been following me around

for a few years saigon has um he's he's first of all he's he he's he's got like a very bad speech

impediment where he can't talk and he's missing the left side of his body so from like he's

He's missing his left leg, his left...

His left testicle, exactly.

Fuck that, people.

He's missing his left tit.

He's missing half of his dick.

He's missing his left man titty.

And, you know, it's just...

In his brain.

It's pretty much...

If you saw him, it's a pretty horrible, scary sight.

I mean, you'd probably rather, you know, have sex with fucking Beetlejuice.

Who's calling?

I don't know, Abe Froman.

Put him on.

I heard the beep.

No, that was Kim's computer.

Whatever.

Kim's computer now.

What's Kim doing?

Kim, what are you doing?

She's looking for other reasons to cheat on you, dude.

Fuck that bitch.

She's checking her email.

Drop her like a rock.

Drop all them bitches like a rock.

Nah, she's checking porno sites.

Whatever she's doing, she's up to no good.

No woman, no woman is doing anything good at 3.20 in the morning.

Let me tell you what.

If your woman is out at 3 o'clock in the morning, she's up to no good.

You agree with me, Lego?

I 100%.

If your bitch is not at home in your bed sucking your cock or riding your cock at 3 o'clock in the morning,

she's fucking some fucking Jamaican-ass fucking black dude

and some fucking nasty-ass hood home like KDK where he lives at.

Ain't no woman out in the street at 3 o'clock in the morning up to no good.

My ass.

You know, dude.

My woman is at my house by 1 a.m.

If she's not at home at 1 a.m., it's over.

Hold on a minute.

I got to play a song, all right?

You do that, Captain Lego.

I'm gonna play a little fuckin' live concert for you.

Hey, everybody, Lego the musician's gonna play a song.

Alright, this is, uh...

Sucker motherfuckin' Lego.

Can I hear you? Can you hear this?

Oh, yeah, I hear it.

Okay, now I'm in tune.

Yo, sing some shit about Kim.

Okay, here we go.

Hurry up.

It's taking too long.

Here we go.

Athena!

Hey!

Why you suckin' cock in Amsterdam?

Shit!

Athena!

Tina, why you suckin' cock in Amsterdam?

It's over, bitch!

Such a whore, such a whore.

I'm Carlito, I'll suck it in.

Such a whore, again, you're all fuckin' whores.

That's what I say.

Thank you very much.

That's my song of the night.

You know what song that is, right?

That's a Tina's a whore.

No, but there's a song by The Who called Tina.

No, there's not.

Yeah, yeah.

Is there really?

Yeah, and that's the song.

It goes Athena just like that. You know this one time. I got so mad at Athena

I broke a bottle over her head blood everywhere everywhere dude, and then I it was good lubrication

Yeah, it works. It works. It works good for the yeah, dude

Hey, dude best sex ever had was after breaking the bottle over my woman's head

Yeah, because then she's fucking just like laying there and coherent you fuck her in the ass without complaining

What what does milkman want go ahead milkman?

Hang on, Lego, I'll interpret.

Listen here.

A good soldier is not afraid to fight on a bloody field.

That's what Milkman says.

A good soldier is not afraid to fight on a bloody field.

Lego, would you have sex?

Here's my dilemma right now.

Would you have a problem fucking Kim when she's on her period?

Depends.

A, how horny am I?

B, what part of her period she's on.

If it's like the first day or the last day, probably not.

But if it's like the second or third day, you know, you stick your cock in and blood just squirts out everywhere, dude.

Oh, God damn it, damn it, damn it.

What's wrong with the last day, though?

You know what the worst thing is, Carlito?

I don't know if you've ever experienced this, but it's when a chick forgets when she's having a period.

And she fucking, you know, and you're laying down.

And you know when they fucking get on top of your cock and they mount you, right?

And all of a sudden you feel this warm substance dripping down your balls, and you go to fucking

reach down and say, what's that on my balls, and you see your hand is all fucking bloody

with fucking period blood on it.

It's all matted.

That ain't no pussy juice, that's fucking...

Now here's my question.

If she told you to lick your fingers, would you?

Mm-mm.

I'd hit her with that shit.

What if she said, prove your love to me?

Fuck that.

What if she said, wipe it all over my face?

I'll wipe it on her face.

I ain't gonna wipe it on my face.

Fuck that.

Give her a red Sanchez.

True story.

Kim's looking at me all fucked up.

Fuck that bitch, first of all.

No offense, but you need to take control.

You should go over there and punch her in the face, number one.

Number two, two weeks before I was sent out to Afghanistan,

my supposed woman at the time had me go down on her when she was on her period.

You know what I did to her?

I took her and I put my gun in her mouth.

I almost fucking killed her when I found out that she was, that I got my red wings.

Do you know what I mean?

Do you have your red wings, man?

Do you know what I mean?

No, no.

I mean, look.

Oh, I got mine a long time ago.

I wouldn't mind if the chicks got a period.

I wouldn't mind going down and, like, licking her clit or something.

No.

But I wouldn't stick my fucking tongue between the lips.

You know what I mean?

She knew.

This bitch knew.

This bitch knew that she was on it.

And, dude, you know what's fucked up?

I don't know if you really realize the whole deal about a girl's period.

But that's like a month-old blood that's been sitting in her fucking womb.

Oh, that's all nasty.

Yeah, man, it just all of a sudden fucking comes out.

That's nasty.

And it just fucking stinks.

Isn't that some nasty shit?

They're all like, oh, it sheds the shell and the fucking uterus and shit.

It's like, fuck you, bitch.

Yeah, it's like a layer of fucking skin.

Let me just, you know, it comes out in clunks.

That's nasty.

Let me tell you, man.

But you know what?

I got to tell you this.

I respect a woman that she has to go through that shit every month.

You know, that ain't easy.

I couldn't I couldn't deal with that too fucking bad what I say. Yeah, but I'm saying I could I don't know if I could deal with

Like fucking bleeding like that a monthly basis. I'll make her open shit. I'll make her bleed out of her mouth

That's all I'm saying now

What do you feel like like now?

How's your girl man like does she fucking hurt you with her teeth or she she's got that on the control dude

Here's the thing she's deep throat. Yeah, she could take the whole thing down. No. She's really talented

into that, to be honest with you.

She does a very good job

of handling...

She can peel a banana with her lips.

Fuck you, Thunderstorm.

What did Thunderstorm do to you?

The fucking Thunderstorm.

The fucking bullshit weather.

She does a really good job of handling the business.

Alright, proud of you.

How's Kim doing? I bet you Kim is a pro.

Oh, dude, Kim is...

Every guy that Kim's ever gone down on

fucking says she's the best.

You're a lucky man, Lego.

I'll tell you what I could sell that shit for a lot of money and you're in the band. How's that for you, man?

How's that go dude? I'm only kidding about him. She ain't like that. No, she's a nice gum

Sure, she's a nice girl. I know she hates me. No, dude. She told me I hate you. You don't hate anybody

We were talking the other night. She was like I hate you. Well, that could be like, you know pulling a hash

You don't like that. Well, I was fucking her. She's like I hate you. I like that. Were you pulling her hair? No, she don't

It hurts so good.

Look, my sister.

It hurts so good.

I hate that shit.

All right, well, listen.

You know, it's 3.30 in the fucking morning.

What, you got something to do?

You got to go to church tomorrow?

Actually, I do.

You do that, then.

All right.

Actually, I fucking do.

You got a problem?

Go ahead and go, then.

All right.

Go ahead and go, then, boss.

Is there anybody even listening to our show?

There's 36 people listening.

All right, God bless them.

God bless them, fuckers.

I'm staying up fucking late.

And I got shit to do tomorrow for 36 motherfuckers.

So do I.

Hey, man, thank you very much for calling in.

I'm fucked up off my ass, but it's an honor to talk to Dr. Lego, whatever your real name is.

Pete.

Peter North.

Pete North.

Peter North.

Look, man, says you're Pete North.

Kim wishes I was Peter North.

All right, listen.

What's it like to be a Jew?

Well, you get to eat.

You get fucking presents for eight nights in a row.

Fuck that.

During the holidays, every night you get a present, dude.

You get a bunch of socks.

No, dude, we get good shit, okay?

You get some gay-ass presents.

You know what?

Yeah, man, it's like you fucking Muslims, you don't get shit.

Fucking Muslims?

I killed, like, 20 Muslims when I was in Afghanistan.

Fuck a Muslim, dude.

You owe me.

You owe me a did of thanks for all the Muslims I killed.

Is that right?

Yeah, you do, motherfucker, because you know what?

You know what the Muslims would do to Israel the second...

You know, the second the United States pulls out of the Middle East, Israel's gone.

Don't fuck with me, because you know what I'm talking about.

Yeah.

No, I'm not fucking...

I'm with you, man.

Yeah.

I'm right behind you, man.

I got your back.

You got Syria.

You got Iran.

You got fucking Lebanon.

You know how many people got Israel's number?

Don't even start.

Yeah.

Welcome to America, Lego.

You know how many people want Israel?

How many people want Israel?

You tell me the truth.

Oh, yeah.

But you know what?

Israel ain't going to be easy to get through.

Fuck Israel, too.

Yeah, they're tough.

They're tough.

They're tough because why?

Because why?

Because the United States, right?

They don't fuck around.

They got a lot of F-16s, right?

No, I think that Hitler thing, you know, toughened them up a little.

Yeah, and who did 9-11?

Be honest with me.

Mossad.

Who did 9-11?

Mossad.

Israel.

Israel did.

No, dude.

Don't even go there, dude.

You guys did it.

Come on.

No, dude.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You know.

You know what you guys did? That's okay.

Stay in the dark. Stay in the dark.

But you know what you guys did.

Coke. Who's Coke?

He's some still-out motherfucking nigger.

Is all it is. He says he hates me.

Well, fuck him then.

You should kick him. You should ban him.

Nah, I'm not gonna kick him. You're in charge, Lego.

Yeah, but he's entitled to his opinion.

But that hurts my feeling.

You know what? Hate's a very tough word.

Fuck it. You know what hate means?

You wish death upon a person.

I don't know about that, but hate

Hate's a strong word. I don't hate nobody.

Leggo, you're my biggest enemy. I don't hate you.

Dude, you're my biggest enema, and I don't hate you.

I'll enema you out. I'll clean out all your bowels.

Dude, you could be my high brook colonic.

I will clean out all your bowels.

I will clean out your lower intestine, your upper intestine.

I go all the way up to your stomach, Papi.

Oh, yeah.

You like that, right?

I fucking...

I didn't even get to my pancreas.

I'm like Roto-Rooter on your ass.

Cool.

Yeah.

Don't say shit about Total.

We should come out with a product like that.

We should.

Fuck it.

So, Lego, we're going to Amsterdam this summer, right?

All right, and we're going to leave the girls home, and we're going to make up for all their

slutting around.

We're going to fuck women in the red light district, and we're going to smoke all the

hash we can.

All right.

Fuck it, right?

Yeah.

No, but bring Kim along.

No, fuck Kim.

Dude, listen.

Come on, now.

I would fuck Kim.

All right.

What's wrong with Kim?

I can't ride the train now?

Is that what the problem is?

Go ahead, ride the train.

You and the rest of the world.

Alright, we'll talk.

Listen, Coke is a...

He's a German.

He's a Nazi motherfucker.

He's a fucking German kraut bastard.

And let me tell you about that.

He's a Nazi motherfucker.

Don't get me started on the fucking kraut Germans either.

Nazi...

But let me tell you, German women are fucking animals in bed.

Yeah, but they got fucking hairy ass pussies too in there.

Pussies stink.

Yeah.

German women's vaginas smell.

And, I mean, it's like the day after the period.

You know that smell you get after the day after the period from a woman?

It's called ricamortis?

Uh-huh.

German women 24-7 smell like that.

And I'm not kidding.

Yeah.

You can dush all you want.

You can dush that pussy all you want, but a German woman's pussy is going to smell like the day after the period is over.

Yeah, I fucking hate that.

Fuck that.

On that note, I got to go, man.

I'm pissed off.

Whatever.

Get out of here, Lego.

All right.

Well, fuck you all.

All right.

Dude, where's Milkman?

You're a sellout.

He's here.

He's playing his guitar in the background.

and you can't hear him, but he can hear you.

You don't even fucking, like, say hello.

He's all upset because he fucked Scott up, man.

What's your problem?

Nothing.

You got a problem?

I ain't got no problem.

It's 3.30 in the morning.

What the fuck am I doing up doing this?

It's 3.33 in the morning, and hang up.

I command you to hang up.

All right, listen.

I'm in charge.

Before I go, I just got to let you know one thing.

What?

Exactly.

I command you to hang up, motherfucker bitch.

I'm in charge, you motherfucker.

Who told him to hang up?

Milkman, who told him to hang up?

His wife.

Bitch.

You sell out, Milkman.

I told him to hang up first.

Man, I'm way too fucked up to be doing a show.

I'm way too fucked up to be in the air.

You're fucking a riot tonight, bro.

I don't give a fuck.

This is funny.

I don't give a fuck.

You was going off when you was doing that fucking, oh, oh, shit.

I was fucking laughing.

I tried to say a couple things to you.

I was crying, dude.

I don't give a fuck.

Fuck, I don't give a fuck what anybody says tonight.

I'm going to do what I fucking want.

I'm fucked up and I'm on the air.

And you know what?

KDK, Lego, even fucking Sean Ward,

Joop can say whatever he wants to say.

Zolar, if you even give a shit anymore, I don't give a fuck.

I'm going to say what I want to say tonight.

Milkman, you got a problem too, Milkman?

Listen here, buddy.

Let's fucking tell everybody what the fuck we think.

Hey, everybody go fuck yourself.

That's what I said.

What are all those guys over

What is it shit city or hit city

Or hit parade or some shit

Hit faggots

They're not broadcasting us tonight

Whatever those faggots say

Here's what I say

We got 33 listeners

And guess how many people

Hit city has

13 motherfucker

Who's winning that war

Hang on hang on

How many people

listen to this who killed blackout who killed blackout milkman who did it buried who who buried

that who buried that faggot ass south florida motherfucking jew who did it was it carlito

carlito and then you had turd burger do the embalming exactly who wiped them off the face

of the earth carlito did right fuck blackout did i'm sorry did that hang on i'm sorry blackout

Well, he probably doesn't even have a place to live right now, let alone have a place to broadcast.

Motherfucker hasn't even been on the air for, like, fucking three months now, all right?

Fuck Blackout.

I buried Blackout.

And I should have Friday night, motherfucker, right?

Who should have Friday nights on?

Dr. Lego?

Come on, man.

Dr. Lego's gonna get...

I think we should have it.

You're gonna tell me Dr. Lego's gonna have a Friday night show?

show, just because Zola

goes away, just because he does

what he does, Dr. Lego's going to get a Friday

night show. I'm not going to get the Friday

night show, apparently. Is that how it is?

Well, you know, the plus about it, the plus

about the whole thing is if

Dr. Lego is really going to take over

Fridays, we're probably going to be

doing about three or four Fridays out of

every two months anyway, because he

don't show up for about a month or two when he takes a break.

I don't give a fuck, I ain't doing it.

I'll see you on Thursday nights.

Either you give me Friday nights,

nights permanently until Zohar comes back, or I'm gonna keep doing, fuck that shit, man,

what, Lego's gonna have a fucking, his fucking band's gonna come up, or we're gonna do a

gig in the, in the, in the rodeo, in the rodeo chorale band, uh, for our, for our band, it's

gonna be on Friday, I can't be on, what are you people gonna do, what are you motherfuckers

gonna do on a Friday night when there's no Zohar and there's no Dr. Lego, what are you

gonna do you're gonna listen to the rotation they're gonna be a lot of hand release yeah

they're gonna beg for carl leader to come in there you know what fuck it you know why you know

why because lego wants a friday night show congrats yeah as we speak dr lego got kicked

out of the of the fucking room dr lego got kicked out of the fucking room for spamming

because talking about my girlfriend whatever man fucking lego whatever he's a great guy

Come on back, damn it.

All power to him if he wants to do the Friday Night Show.

I'm sure he'll do fine.

Well, anyway, I want to say thank you to the 38 people listening to us right now.

We have 35 people listening on PCU's normal website, the normal stream for PCU.

We also have three extra people listening on the SCAB network, as KDK calls it,

because he hates me because he's a vindictive bastard.

38 people total listening.

K-SCAB, huh?

whatever

KDK wants to hate

let him hate

yes KB

the phone call's

not coming across bro

bring up your phone

audio man

wiggle your mic cord

way low man

switch phones

low bro

yo Eddie

turn up your microphone

man

I know I

I fucked up the phone

I think I broke another phone

oh there you are Eddie

damn it Eddie man

you're freaking me out man

I'm going to move

in my

my little Volkswagen

I had Leg on the phone

he was calling

his Leroy

I think I broke

I think I broke another phone

I'm really gonna

pick it up

Get the other one out, man.

You got one more left to do.

No, I know what happened.

The phone battery died.

We'll call Lego back if he's going to talk shit.

In the meantime, I got to take a piss, number one.

Number two, something's going to happen.

I got to get the other phone real quick because I didn't charge the phone up because I'm a stupid motherfucker.

So hang on, everybody.

You know whose fault it is.

It's Chloe's fault.

It's my fault, motherfucker.

You were another one, too, Milkman.

You look at him, I don't punch you in the mouth.

I told you I didn't remember to put that thing on the hook it's been a long time since I've been

this fuck up anyway let me uh play this uh I'm gonna play something you're doing good man you

want to roll tonight but you're not like you're not gone oh god I gotta take a piss like you don't

want to know milkman you want to do some news you're ready for news and shit or like what the

fuck oh well you caught me quick man you like give me like 10 seconds notice here let me bring

bring up my news feed here we're dialing into the api network as we speak whatever whatever all

right well i'm gonna play some music real quick i'm gonna go get the other phone i'm gonna play

a song that was sent in to us um by my good homeboy what's his name what's what's the black

guy that hangs out in here california uh california just sent us a uh a song to play

yeah god damn it i gotta pee like you don't want to know uh california sent me a song here for us

to play tonight.

Okay, I got the news feed

coming up now, man.

Oh, you do?

All right, well,

we'll do that later.

Hang on, let me play this song

from California real quick.

All right.

I can't find it anyway.

Never mind.

Huh.

Never mind.

Milkman, get ready for your news.

Give me a second.

Get ready for news.

I'm going to get the other phone

and get set up here, okay?

All right, I'll be right back.

Hang on, everybody.

I'll be right back in a second.

Oh, my God.

Milkman,

the cat's trying to run away.

Milkman, talk, motherfucker.

I'm on the show.

Where is he?

So, hey, yeah, everybody, you're listening to the show.

This is, uh, PCU Radio, for what it's worth.

This is, uh, a special edition of the Madhouse.

And, uh, people in the chatroom.

Big fuckin' whoop.

Anyway, uh, Dr. Dre in the chatroom is asking if I fought in Iraq.

No, that isn't correct.

I never made it to Iraq.

I made it to Afghanistan.

And I killed a chance of sand niggers, and I'd kill a chance more if I could.

Unfortunately, I didn't get to do that.

Oh, jeez.

Come here.

Anyway, um, let me see if I can fix the phone here.

here. Um, Dr. Dre says his uncle lives in Baghdad. Who the fuck would want to do that?

And my cat's gonna say hello. Hey, this is like KDK's show. Say something, bitch.

Mieke. Mieke. I'm Milkman. I named my cat after a Japanese name. Mie. Mie. Where you

at? Mie. Whatever. Because Milkman thinks he's in charge. I'll kick Milkman's ass if

if he was here right now.

I'd punch him in the face.

I'd punch him in his fucking

black face.

It's about time to end the show

because I'm really fucked up,

to be honest with you all,

but I thank you all for listening so late.

It's like almost 4 o'clock,

but I'm tired like a motherfucker.

I'm really, really messed up right now.

I would like to thank Dr. Lego

and Juve for calling in,

and I would like to thank Lonesome Loser

for staying up so late

and contributing numbers to call.

You know what?

I should call one more number if any of y'all care.

I'm going to prank call one more establishment here.

What the fuck?

What are you doing, Milkman?

I just killed a cat.

You killed your cat?

I backed up and put it in reverse,

and the cat got underneath the back of my rattle scooter wheel.

Good.

I got a hell of a news article, man.

You ready for this?

Mental patient charged by feds after threatening to cut off Bush's penis.

Please enter your skin.

Huh?

Someone threatened his penis?

Just in.

Tell us.

11.06 p.m.

Okay, so somebody threatened to cut George W. Bush's penis.

Yep.

Okay.

More news after this call.

This prank call.

Hello.

How you doing?

Hey, thank you.

Excellent.

What time is it?

10.

Are you guys still seating people?

Then what are you answering the phone for?

In case of what?

what? Come on, come on. You can see me. I'm on my way right now. You can hook, you can

hook me up, right? No, sorry, the kids, the people are eating that. Look, look, don't

give me any shit, alright? Won't you, can I, is there a man that I can talk to there?

Hello. I just want a plate of hobo skeddy. Man, I'm seriously tired of women. Honestly,

what, what good ever came out of a woman? You. Me? What are you eating? Please enter

Enter the number you wish to call.

Eating cereal over there?

No, man.

This is good shit.

It's hobo scatty.

You called Dale Slaughter.

But we do have a beautiful news headline, man.

Just hot off the press.

So whenever you're ready.

In a second.

Do that in a second before we hang off here.

Hawaiian faggots up all night.

Bunch of bitches.

What time is it in Hawaii right now?

8.49?

No, 11.

10.30?

10.48?

Wait.

The person you are calling is not answering.

Well, fuck them.

Them up their asses, right, Milkman?

That's right.

God darn it.

Eat some poi.

Poi.

Isn't that rotten root?

Isn't that some kind of root they rot?

Or they make it all sour?

Yeah, it's like a gray freaking mush scraped off of a root, man.

And I heard it tasted like worse than a nasty ass.

Whatever.

If they like it, those faggots.

Anyway, you ready for breaking news from Milkman here, everybody?

Yeah, man.

Go ahead.

Hit it.

Madhouse News.

All right, just in off the press right here in Madhouse News.

That's right, you heard it here first.

Mental patient charged by feds after threatening to cut off Bush's penis.

Headlines released 11 to 6 p.m.

Now to the story.

A patient at the Alton Mental Health Center has been charged with threatening President George W. Bush.

Arafat Nijma, a Palestinian who lives in Belleville,

has been temporarily committed to the mental health center

when he made the threat on March 18th.

Two psychiatric technicians called the Secret Service.

Nimja told federal agents the next day that, in quote,

to cut off his appendage, we'll fill it in,

is not too harsh considering what he has done to my country,

according to the indictment.

After the agents began reading Nijma his rights,

Nijma claimed it was just a joke.

mental patient charged by feds after threatening to cut off bush's penis you heard here tonight

madhouse news back to you carlito yeah man let's cut off let's cut off the commander in chief's

penis that'll show them look and we want to shave we want to shave cheney's nads that'll make it

all right that anyway sure nads i'm gonna go milk bandits and i'm way too messed up i'm it's way too

too late and um you're in the perfect condition to make some calls man i'm in a perfect condition

to go to sleep with my dick in my hand while i try to masturbate let's fuck up somebody's

night man then you go then you go spanky the manky spanky the manky um they tell me that

hawaii doesn't have daylight savings so apparently it's only 9 48 over there well lonesome loser by

right now asleep and i'm sure i mean this has been so late he hasn't sent me a number like you

like it always sends in a backlog of numbers yeah i know but it's late dude hey wait a minute wait

my australian connection just checked in let me get a number australia i don't have australian

access man i can't do it i thought you had an international card i don't i don't i gotta go

thank you negro i can't we'll be back on thursday if you like it then then then fucking suck my

my dick on thursday no wait a minute we're gonna be on friday friday don't even try and mess with

whatever that bitch lego took it i was gonna put him in here now freaking liar let's he's gonna

come back and kick everybody's ass you want to see how many bitches are really with him

and how many already sucked dick and started turning on his back whatever you guys want to

talk to him that bastard that traitor i'll put him on the phone yeah you your mic is low dude

Dude, but I've got a his-and-hers supermarket, right?

Australia.

Wow.

Okay, hang on.

Skippy's Supermarket.

Mike Hunts.

We're finished recording Press Pound to cancel Press Star.

Hey, motherfucker.

You gonna call me this time of night?

I'm gonna call you back if you don't like it.

Hey, Milkman, why don't you say what you wanted to say?

All right, listen here, man.

Tonight was your night.

So now you've got your shot.

So, uh, Zolar, move over, man.

And we're coming in on Friday.

It ain't going to happen.

I try to...

Whatever.

You can be as positive as you want, but that shit ain't going to happen.

Oh, man.

All these lamers in here in the chat have already knifed Zolar in the back.

Jeez.

What a shame.

So, hey, everybody.

Thanks for listening.

And catch us on Thursday or something like that.

We'll be back on.

Right.

Yep.

I need to get some sleep.

We are definitely going to have an improved version of the Madhouse for you, man,

this wonderful surprise edition tonight.

I'd like to give my thanks, and while I can, thank you to Big Ol' Madman

who provides us with this wonderful boxing tag team wrestling match of a room here,

right here on Lazy Net Servers, man.

You can't beat it, man.

Punch somebody in the face, go home laughing, man.

Dr. Lego, our voice, man, our wonderful man that provides the stream right here,

It keeps us all laughing and running everything around here

and telling everybody what the hell they're allowed to do, man.

We love you, Dr. Lego.

Thanks a lot, boss, for giving us this wonderful stream.

And my God, Katie Kay, our wonderful benevolent benefactor,

the PhD at PCU, otherwise known as the Cerebro of the Prank,

legendary prankster Katie Kay.

Thank you so much for believing in us

and giving this opportunity to fuck with everybody's head.

thanks a lot katie kid we love you and carlito in the madhouse andy the lamer who can't even show up

every night we love you guys thanks a lot man you are my bros and you guys keep me laughing and i'm

always glad to be a part of the madhouse all you crazy knuckleheads out there at pcu yeah this is

what it's all about because if it wasn't for you jokers out there we wouldn't be here man we pay

pay to come in there and fuck with you

guys and we love all of you

at PCU. Thanks a lot

for tuning in and stopping in the chat

cussing somebody out

and all you losers over there at

Hollywood Hits or whatever the hell

take your

13 listeners and

shut my ass. Back to you

Carlito. Well thank you for all

36 of you

who are listening at 4am. I

appreciate it. Thank you very much.

and thank you for everybody in the chat room

thank you to Jupe for calling in

at the beginning of the show

thank you to Dr. Lego for entertaining us for so long

so late

and thank you to Lonesome Loser

for hooking us up with

numbers so late to call in also

it's been great

it's been a great experience

KDK

I'll kick your ass

Dr. Lego I'll kick your ass

Zor I'll kick your ass

Anybody out there

Anybody out there who wants to get punched in the mouth

And kicked in the ass

I'll do it

Milkman I'll fuck you up

Jupe I'll kill you

Don't threaten to cut off George Bush's penis

I won't do that but I'll tell you what

Ted from P-U-N-N

Suck my dick

Everybody out there who's got a problem with me

You can kiss my ass

I'll drink what I want

I'll smoke what I want

what I want. If you motherfuckers

don't like it, too fucking bad.

If I say I want to leave at 4 o'clock

in the morning, too fucking bad, too.

Fuck. In the chat room, I say

fuck poop, fuck bobo

bot, fuck googly moogly,

fuck venison,

fuck little evil

Neo, you bitch, fuck madman,

you son of a bitch, I'll kill

I'll slit madman's

throat, Dr. Dre,

you suck my dick,

Hashy, you ain't no better than Hunter,

motherfucker that's what i gotta say everybody fuck you saigon you're a stupid motherfucker too

i'll kill you motherfucker i'll kill everybody in the chat all of you go to hell but listen on

thursday night peace out love you lifey man thanks for tuning in i'm just kidding i love you all i

know we're fucking with you i gotta go masturbate oh but it's over already so what do you call

Hey, fuck you, poop, you son of a bitch, and I'm out.

And fuck all you motherfuckers.

But I like you, Earth Dog.

You little son of a bitch.

Calls (6, 31 min of 1 h 55 min)

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