2006-06-05 Show

Hello, I'm 12 years old. I sing in the choir.

If you don't get a wedding license, we'll marry you.

Well, where can we get the wedding license? Do you sell them there?

You need to go to the clerk's office.

Where is that?

21st South and State.

Well, I don't know how to get there. Can you possibly... I go there and we go out together.

That's fine. Then you can come tomorrow at 10 in the morning when we're there.

Okay.

We'll take you over there.

Now, for the service, he wants to wear the little sailor outfit.

Do you have anything like that in the size for an 11-year-old boy?

Sure.

Yes.

Oh, I don't know.

Let me have you talk to our costume designer.

Oh, excellent.

Hello?

Hello.

Costume design?

Oh, first of all, who is this?

This is Father McWhorters.

I'm from Scotland, and I'm visiting.

I'm here with my altar boy, and we just checked in here into the Salt Lake Diocese, the Catholic Church.

And we understand that in America you cannot get married now,

and we'd like to know if possible we can get married.

He would like to wear the sailor boy outfit.

And I can't...

You want to marry an altar boy?

Yes.

Okay, well, I'm going to give you your name so I can call the police

because that's illegal here to try to marry a chained sex or a child.

It's not.

I saw that John Kerry said it was legal, a civil union.

Well, I don't care what John Kerry said.

It's not illegal.

But I'm not.

It is illegal.

If you marry an altar boy, you're going to get locked up.

So give me your name again.

Well, we're not married yet, you know.

Oh, and from...

Well, you're not going to get married at our chapel, sir, because we don't do that.

Do you know anywhere that Matt is met then?

I don't have no idea, sir.

You called the wrong number, and if you call back, I want to get this call traced...

Oh, yes.

...so I can get the police on you.

My God.

My child, no, look, it's very fine, my child.

Are you Catholic?

Matthew, are they there?

They want to talk to you, Matthew.

Matthew, talk to them.

I'm Marsley, actually.

Marsley?

Uh, um, hello? Mr. Costume?

They hung up on us. Those bastards are going to hell.

You've just been listening to a sample of The Madhouse.

If you like what you hear, be sure to listen in every Thursday night at 9.15 p.m. on PCU Radio,

your number one source for live and recorded prank calls.

For more information, visit madhouselive.com or kdkprankcalls.com.

is an exclusive of PCU Radio and House 5.

Yes, I need to speak with Manuel now.

Manuel doesn't live here.

Hey, I'm hungry.

Sorry.

Now, talk to me.

Is this who this is?

This is Mary Dominguez.

We're apartment managers.

Who is this?

Ms. Dominguez, I need to talk to you.

I need an apartment.

You need an apartment.

Yes.

Now, I weigh about 700 pounds.

Do you have doors that are wide enough?

And it needs to be a bottom floor, and I need a very large tub.

And you need to provide it because you're an equal opportunity lender and an equal opportunity employer.

I also want to apply for a job, and you need to hire me.

If you don't hire me, then it's because I'm a fat man.

And what is your name?

My name is Carlito, Carlito Brigante.

Carlito?

Brigante.

No, no, no, B?

Wait a minute.

Let me get a pencil and paper.

There we go.

Did you call to talk to Manuel?

Yes, I did.

But someone told me that Manuel is at the other property to try here.

Asked for him, if not, just to speak to...

I didn't write the number down.

I was really hungry at the time.

Do you have a pen yet?

I have a pen.

Now I'm looking for paper.

Okay.

What is your name again?

I just want some pancakes tonight.

God.

My name is Carlito.

Last name is Brigante.

Would you like me to spell it for you, ma'am?

Okay, spell it for me, please.

B as in breast.

R as in romance.

A as in insistence.

G as in gay

Equal

Gay

A as in anus

Oh, come on

I'm gonna hang up on you

Bye

You've just been listening to a sample of the Madhouse

Columbia, Columbia

This is Houston

One minute, 30 seconds

All systems go

Over the box

To Houston

It's the Madhouse

Motherfucking Motor City

Madhouse

It's the Madhouse

Madhouse

Carlitos

Madhouse, baby

baby. And this is Zolar telling you

to tune into Zolar Vision

Friday nights, 10 p.m. That's right.

It's Friday nights, 10 p.m.

Be there or don't be there.

You should probably be there. It would be cool.

You know what I'm saying?

Following is an exclusive of

PCU Radio.

Yeah, hello? Hello?

How can I help you? Yes, hi. Is this

the Silver Legacy? Well, that's what I was

trying to tell you, sir. Well, look, ma'am,

I have a travesty here. I've lost my

wallet, my cell phone, my

my insulin shots, and my sugar is up on the roof, and I need to get my insulins.

And I can't find them, and I'm sure I left them there on one of the machines,

and my wallet is gone, and I can feel my sugar.

Hello, you have reached over to Legacy Lost and Found.

So that we can better serve you, please leave the following information.

You are being transferred, and a hotel operator will assist you.

That's right. It's an emergency.

Hello yeah look

My sugar is up through the roof

And I done left my

Oh lord

I left all my diabetes kits there

Where you at don't get an ambulance

I don't need an ambulance

I need my insulin pills

I need my shot and my pills

And I left them all there

And my wallet and my cell phone

I can't even call my daughter to come over here

Could be dying if she's doing this

Insulin is way up in the sky

Hello

Oh, yeah, I left my pills and my diabetes syringe and my insulins there.

You left them where?

I left them there on top of that machine there with the lights.

You left them where?

The machine with the lights.

They goes bing, bing.

I left it on there.

You know the one?

No, I don't know the one.

I left my insulin shot.

If I don't take it, I...

Then you should probably come back and get it, sir, because I don't know where you left it.

Sir, you need to come back and get it because I don't know where you left it.

I left my contact lenses there. I can't see.

Sir, I don't know where you left it. You're going to need to come back and get it.

I left my keys. I left my cell phone.

You're not understanding me. I'm done with this conversation.

I left my shoes, my wallet, my pants.

You've just been sold to niggas.

Following is an exclusive of PCU Radio and MadhouseLive.com.

Yeah, how you doing there, son?

You're breaking up pretty badly there.

God damn it. Can you hear me now?

Oh, I got you now.

Hey, look there, buddy. Look, I just went in there. You got them donuts?

We got them donuts?

Yeah. What's up, Luke? You got them donuts over there?

No, we got no donuts.

What do you mean you got no donuts? What the fuck are you talking about you got no donuts?

Hey, we got no donuts, jerky.

What the fuck are you playing with? Don't fuck around with me on the phone. I'm a busy man.

Yeah, well, I'm a busy guy, too, so we got no donuts here.

Luke, you rat son of a bitch.

Luke, you rat son of a bitch. Don't fuck around with me.

Hey, listen, Zippernick.

Hey, listen, son of a bitch. The world isn't about the jerky voices, bitch.

This is fucking great.

No donuts here.

You're just going to fucking laugh at me all night, aren't you?

Yeah, who is this, Michael?

This is Carlito.

Carlito.

Yeah, Carlito.

How you doing, man?

Carlito.

Yeah, how you doing?

All right.

No, pizza.

You're on my radio show right now, man.

Are we really?

Yeah, you are.

I'm swearing you can't put me on there.

No, you're on internet radio.

We talk all we want.

You can say cock, shit, fuck, pussy, cunt.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

All right, so listen.

If you want the real deal, you want the best pizza, that deal is.

I don't care even beyond the shores of Hawaii. You want to be at Boston pizza because we're the real thing Boston

There is no better. Are you fucking fucking are you from Boston and shit? How about you?

Huh Red Sox up

Everybody got to have an opinion. That's why they make chocolate. That's why they make vanilla, you know, that's what they make

I mean, there's only two teams I vote for that's what the Red Sox and anybody that loses to them. That's why they make

Make faggots from Boston, too, right?

Make what?

That's why faggots come from Boston, too, right?

Faggots?

Faggots, man, faggots.

Faggots?

Faggots, gays.

Is that what you said?

Yeah, fuck Boston and fuck the Irish.

Well, thank God for the faggots, because it takes them out of the competition, you know what I mean?

Whatever, y'all get married, y'all do that gay shit over there in Boston, don't you?

That's all, right?

You know, that's all, right?

Then there's more room for the real people, you know?

This way here, there's more girls around for us.

It's a modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah.

I don't know.

What are you going to throw, you know?

God's going to reclaim you like New Orleans is what's going to happen.

That's all right.

That's why we live over here, you know?

Hawaii is dirty, too.

I could really care what happens to that whole mainland.

Hawaii is dirty, too.

Hawaii is a bunch of shit.

Hawaii is going to go down, too.

Well, you know, there's an airplane ticket for you right out of here if you don't like it.

There's plenty of room in the world for it.

I'm going to pollute as much as I can here in Hawaii.

I'm going to throw all of my trash everywhere.

Really?

Someone will catch you.

No, they ain't going to catch you.

There's no Americans here in charge.

It don't matter.

You don't want to do that bad stuff, because someone will catch you.

You're not going to do nothing.

There's a price to pay for all that.

You tell me, if I came into your place right now and took a big shit on the floor, what would you do?

Beat the shit out of you.

You'd try.

Yeah.

But you're from Boston, so you can't do shit.

Well, you know what?

And you know where I'm from?

I'm from New York, man.

We don't play with you.

We don't know how to handle you people in Massachusetts.

That's right.

That's right, man.

That's right.

So what's up?

You got a problem or what?

Come on, man.

Your pizza sucks, too.

That's all right, buddy.

Your pizza sucks.

You put pineapple in that fucking...

Why don't you come down here?

Why don't you come and swing me?

Why don't I?

Because that's what you want.

Come on down.

I know you want to suck my dick.

That's why.

That's right.

Yeah, you admit it.

You admit it.

That's all Boston's about.

Bring it down here, Carlito.

All the faggots in Boston is ready to suck dick.

That's right.

Just like the Red Sox suck dick, too.

That's right.

Because there's some kind of life you have where you have to do this stuff.

So this is a very interesting radio you have.

Very interesting radio thing if you have that.

you know because like that's um it just shows me that you have like nothing going no i got

plenty this is what we do man i do this all the time i get lots of what you do like i mean

talk stupid yeah yeah and all all the all the dumb hoes pick up in boston that's for sure really huh

people actually listen to this people everybody loves this man oh not everybody because

anybody with a half a brain that i know don't listen anyway half a brain would listen to this

show instead of eating your shitty ass pizza wow like you said everybody that's that's why uh god

God gave us choices, right?

Whatever the fuck you just said, right?

Somebody gave us choices.

Somebody did.

Yeah, well, all right, man.

Well, you're going to hell.

That's all I've got to say.

That's all right.

All right, man.

As long as we have fun.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, I'll see you in hell then, buddy.

All right, talk to you later.

All right, listen.

Take it easy.

All right, Chief.

Bye.

You've just been listening to a sample of The Madhouse.

If you like what you hear, be sure to listen in every Thursday night at 9.15 p.m. on PCU Radio,

your number one source for live and recorded prank calls.

For more information, visit madhouselive.com, kdkprankcalls.com.

Yes, I am. You're going to like it, too.

Just like when your cousin was down, your cousin, cousin, girlfriend, mother, sister, wife.

That challenge of being chased by the blue, blue meanies on wheels, the vicious traffic squad cars are after our lone driver,

America's hero, the elected centaur, the demigod, the super driver of the golden race,

The police numbers are getting closer, closer, closer to our solo hero in his solo vehicle.

Yeah, baby.

They're about to strike.

They're going to get him.

Smash him.

Rip the man.

Beautiful.

Resold on this.

We're all very different people.

We're not Watusi.

We're not Spartans.

We're Americans with a capital A, huh?

You know what that means?

It means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world.

We, the wretched refuse.

He's like, hang up Carlito. Hang up Carlito.

Smoke weed every day.

He's that whole ass and weird.

You're now listening to Bizarre Soap Circus.

And I'm your boy, Young Miles of Future.

And my man's about cracking for y'all.

Put your motherfuckers in the shower.

Hey, that's my donkey.

Good evening, everybody.

You're listening to a special Monday night edition of the Madhouse tonight.

And I am your host, Carlitos Normal.

Thank you.

And we're going to do a show.

We're going to do a show on Monday night, June the 5th, 2006.

Because tomorrow is the birth of the Antichrist, everybody.

666.

Oh, no.

Be scared.

That's why I'm doing the show tonight.

night for those of you who wonder why i'm doing the show tonight because i'm scared that it's my

last show because the world's gonna end tomorrow the signs are already here everybody i tell you

what the signs are already here all price of oil went up today sign number one right there sign

number two is uh a posting by our benevolent host and sponsor as the uh late great milkman would

would say kdk in the chat we're in the uh in the kdk prank calls.com forums everybody kdk

prank calls.com kdk as in kill death kill kdk prank calls.com and the assholes right i'm not

i'm not taking calls right now everybody okay we'll take calls later tonight but we're not

going to take calls right now so don't call right now call when i when i say the toll free line is

open then you call thank you guys appreciate it and there's uh one person out there who i've told

I wanted to call specifically today

to get their take on things and you know who you are

call on the show now

when I say so

KDK who runs PCU

prank call underground radio which you can visit

at PCU radio dot com

place this posting

and I'm going to read it to you all here

for those of you who for some reason don't know

how to get into the forums

or don't care I think it's fair that you all know

what's going on

let's face it nobody listens to

To PCU, interest in prank calls seems almost non-existent.

So I find myself wondering why do we even bother keeping the stream running?

Virtually nobody who even really likes PCU's live shows ever does a thing to help promote us or even listens to us during the day.

So I can't help but wonder why we should even bother wasting LEGO's money and my PC and electric bill

to run a station that is so universally unappreciated and he goes on and on and stuff

oh yes um i would like to hear anyone's ideas as to why we shouldn't pack it in carlito has his own

stream i have the techno fag stream if i should ever want to do shows again so you get the picture

in the end we get to this so i guess i'm announcing the end of pcu due to lack of interest next

Next Saturday, this Saturday, after Lunatic Fringe, I will be shutting down the stream for good.

It will mean the end of PCU and perhaps the end of Lunatic Fringe itself.

We begged you folks endless times to help spread the word, but nobody cared.

So it's time to admit that we have jumped the shark and move on.

So, yadda yadda yadda.

So you get the idea.

Apparently KDK is ending PCU Radio the end of this week.

Is that the right thing to do? Is that for real? Is he dissing me? Is he dissing you, the fans?

Is he maybe making a mistake? What do you all think? Let us know.

You can join us in the chatroom. Hang on, let me turn my mic down here. It's a little loud.

This is more like it.

So that's just to bring you all up to speed and whatnot.

If you don't follow us in our little drama mill here on PC, that's what's happening.

Now, a few facts you want to know.

First of all, the stream that you're listening to us to is provided to us by none other than Dr. Lego, who does occasional shows here.

It's too loud. That's better.

And you can actually visit him over at GetInSpace.net, GetInSpace.com, something like that.

GetInSpace.com.

There's a link on KDK's website.

But he runs the stream.

So will Lego keep it going here 24 hours a day?

And just KDK moves on and do his own thing?

Or will the stream just die?

it's a very interesting thing

it puts me in a dilemma because my

huge oh also

almighty stream that I have

on my own is actually just for me to

archive my show and share it with

my friends and it only takes

it only holds 20 listeners

I have 39

listeners right now on a

Monday night when nobody really knew

that I was going to be going on so thank you very

much to all the people listening but what I'm saying is

that would suck I could only have 20 people

listening to my show at one time and what's the point of doing a show at that point is what i say

honestly so it sucks for me but what can i do about it i'm not in control of these things people

so maybe just make your your voices heard and go ahead and email kdk and go in the chat room

at kdkprankcalls.com and tell him yourself he's there right now saying uh let's explain to the

situation with other listeners so what can i say uh we're here to do prank calls though and maybe

maybe entertain you folks here since we have uh helpless little time left together and uh you can

also reach me on aol instant messenger at madhouse radio again aim users aol instant messenger madhouse

radio on there fuck you too ho has told me what the fuck is this pcu is over are you serious yes

it is my friend see it's a good thing i announced that so people would know now people know what's

going on people who didn't even know would have taken our situation for granted um okay and in

the chat room there's a quick shout out to all the people are in there not many but you do want

to visit us at uh kdkprintcalls.com hit the chat link and join the chat for free no charge to you

of course and there's no software to download as long as you have java installed and that's

It's really easy to do.

Or you can use an IRC client such as Merck.

Visit us at irc.lazy-net.de.

I digress.

The toll-free line will be open soon.

The toll-free line, if you want to call in and voice your opinions

or maybe do a prank call with us or something like that,

you want to call 1-888-278-8509.

Again, our toll-free line here is 1-888-278-8509.

Toll-free means you no pay, I pay.

That makes everybody happy.

Lonesome Loser, the official confirmer for PCU Radio, is in the chat room working diligently.

A guy whose hard contributions here may no longer be needed anymore, and that would be a shame.

He's a consummate professional at this.

he sent me tons of numbers here for businesses that are open at this time confirm that they're

open which i appreciate now if you're going to be sending me a call for uh as a request for a

prank call maybe someone you know maybe someone you hate maybe someone who's your neighbor someone

you want prank called feel free to send me that either in the chat room or call it in or or on uh

on the messaging software um if you're on yahoo you can hit me up at madhouse pcu radio at no

No, fuck. Madhouse PCU Radio.

If you're on Yahoo Instant Messenger, Madhouse PCU Radio.

And if you're on MSN Messenger, it's MadhousePCURadio at Hotmail.com.

So there it is.

I apologize for my voice being a little scratchy.

I am getting over a cold that I had, and the vocal cords are still a bit strained.

But I'm nursing it with youngling beer tonight, so I'll be okay.

care, um, Braden Vermeer is making some not so friendly comments about KDK in the chat

room, and, uh, anyway, while I was trying to talk about Lonesome Losers contributions

here, for tonight, we can call a slew of people, we've got Humpy's Great Alaskan Alehouse,

we have Bumpin' Buffalo Bar and Grill, uh, we have a ton here, I'm not gonna go through

all this, we've got a few, uh, Blockbuster videos, we've got an Applebee's in, uh, Coon

coon rapids coon rapids minneapolis coon rapids what the fuck is coon rapids that sounds racist

this is an rb restaurant in coon rapids also it's like whatever steam donkey restaurant all right

steam donkey we got a few burger kings a few mcdonald's we got uh charlie brown farms we got

a few 7-elevens grocery store named wawa in pennsylvania i think he's an enemy of lonesome

losers. Doug, the big sci-fi comic

nerd, answered at 10.20pm.

Nick Wilson had some issues with the guy.

So, thank you right now

to all 41 listeners who are

tuning into the show.

End of the minute show. 41 listeners.

Thank you very much, everybody.

Let me go ahead and turn on the toll-free line.

Once again, I did

already give this out a few times, but if you want

to call in, the toll-free line is now open.

You can reach us at

1-888-278-8509

If I ask you to call,

Again, toll free 1-888-278-8509.

And also be sure to visit madhouselive.com, my homepage, the homepage of the show you're listening to.

Normally co-hosted by Andy, who's actually no longer on the show.

He'll be taking a hiatus until July through most of the summer.

He should be back, although not on a regular basis.

I would say on a maybe a twice a month basis or so starting sometime around July or August

So he's gonna be gone for a few months, but he's he's improving himself and he's gone on the trucker school in Chicago, Illinois

Interesting, huh? Andy the trucker so he's gonna have a weird schedule. Anyway, let me

Yeah, as I said, the toll free line is now open

On AOL instant messenger new listener Klopp's 420. Sorry to give out your name, dude. That's bullshit

shit it's just i just found this shit and it's over here we have a brand new listener everybody

a brand new listener to pcu talking to me for the first time he said he just found this shit and

it's over he's upset about that and he gave me a number 12 walmart clifton park new york you know

i hate walmart i have a big history of hating walmart on this show and comments that i've made

on the show and calls that i've made so be sure to visit walmartwatch.com walmartwatch.com and

And become educated on the problems that Walmart presents in our American community.

So, she's in small towns.

price of low cost.

The high cost of low prices.

It's a good movie, too.

You should check that out.

Zolar's in the chat room.

Well, that's good.

Zolar's back in the chat room.

Zolar, we haven't seen him in a while.

The former host of the Friday Night Zolar Vision show.

Zolar from Howard Stern fame.

He's in the chat room now.

If you want to talk to an E-list celebrity, you're more than welcome to go in the chat room right now and do so.

We met Zolar here.

He had a great show.

Very good times.

And perhaps one day he'll come to his senses and return to us.

Probably not, though.

I don't blame him.

Okay.

Let's call this sci-fi nerd in Pennsylvania here.

And I'll be right back with that in just one moment.

How you doing, buddy?

Okay.

Hey, great.

Look, I want to invite you to the new convention that's coming to town.

Huh?

There's a convention coming to town.

Okay, that's nice.

A sci-fi gamer convention.

What an ass.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

Sorry, lonesome.

I really sucked at that one.

My bad.

Yo, my bad.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

Call 7-Eleven.

Call them, they call you when they need something

Treats for the blunt, to G's for the front

Way to get peace of mind for years and left the hell alone

Turn a deaf ear to the cellular phone

Send me another one better, we can see each other in real life

Just so you can feel me, I feel nice

At least so you can see the white of their eyes

Bright with surprise once they finish spitting lies

Associates, is it boys or girls?

It's again just homies, close, but really don't know me

Mom, dad, comrade, peeps, brothers, sisters, dunce, dunnies

Some come around when they need some money

Others make us laugh like the Sunday funnies

Fam be around whether you pay to bum me

Nor this advice will take it from me

Nice some people dummy

So friendly they wouldn't even made a worthy enemy

Signs no baboons

Seeing as how they got you bleeding from the stab wounds

Y'all know the dance

Smile in your face

Y'all know the glance

Try to put them on they blow the chance

Never let your so called mans know your plan

There's a term some people use loosely

I'm real choosy on what I choose to let crew see

You telling me

I try to act gross, jealousy the number one killer among black folk

Fellas be under some type of spell like crack smoke

Ghetto Cinderella's leadin' right to your stack, lo

Just another way a chick'll lead to your end

I checked the dictionary for the meaning of friends, it said

First someone likes to socialize, but they sympathize with helper

And that's about the size of it

Most of the time these attributes is one-sided

To bolster the crime, they have to shoot you through your eyelid

And they can't hide it, goin' wild like a white bitch

Sometimes you need to cut and cut off like a light switch

Things get quiet, catch em like a thief in the night

What a right, I first met Mr. Fantastic at a arms deal

Don't let it get drastic, think of how your moms will feel

When they get for real, still get the sparkin'

Everything darkin', ain't no talkin'

For somethin' so cheap, it's all buys a lot of trouble

They better all focus in the tryin' to plot the bubble

There also be a sad note to end on, the guns we got is

A form of co-dependence, a lot of times of being co-defendants

Ten bucks say they tell a sentence

Keep you up under the jail, beggin' for repentance

It don't make no sense to the loyalty

Amongst crooks, trust amongst royalty

I'd rather go out in a blaze than give up the glory

Similar story, before lovers

We need to have some type of understanding

Just so when I let her get the man things

She know it's no strings

We could do the damn thing, but what was no rings?

Just how the tramp swings

Won't she see him again?

That depends on how good was the skins

And could she memorize the lessons?

It ain't no need to pretend

Even though she let him stab me

She know they just sleep

Good job

What about that, everybody?

Technical difficulties.

Hello?

7-Eleven?

You calling?

7-Eleven?

I think you dialed the wrong number, sir.

Bitch.

He's lying.

I know it was 7-Eleven.

Anyway, I was asked.

It isn't as easy without a co-host, man.

It's my first time doing this by myself in a while.

You wish to call.

Jesus.

I'm liking there, buddy.

How you doing?

I'm fine, thank you.

I'm good.

Do you have any fresh hot dogs on the grill right now?

What?

Do you have any fresh hot dogs on the grill right now?

Yes.

One.

Yes.

How many?

Yes?

Uh-huh.

No, how many you have ready to eat?

How many you want?

I'm asking you.

You tell me first how many you have.

I have four.

You have four?

Uh-huh.

Okay.

How about I pay you for three, I get the four.

I make deal.

Okay.

Very good deal.

You make deal?

Yes, no?

Uh-huh.

You the boss.

How many four hot dog?

You the boss.

How much four hot dog?

Four hot dog, six box.

Six box?

Uh-huh.

I give you five.

I'm not the boss.

No, 125 hot dog each, five.

Um, 125, okay.

Is good?

No, I don't think so.

Oh, come on.

Better go to Wendy's.

No, no, I want hot dogs.

Wendy's.

I like, I like rat meat.

Okay.

Yeah.

Do you like to eat rats?

Okay.

Do you eat rat, do you eat rats where you're from?

What?

What, what?

Okay, amigo, I'm very busy.

Are you Mexican or Indian?

Oh, Chinese.

You're Chinese?

Uh-huh.

You?

Chinese don't say amigo.

You're counting in Spanish, bitch.

Tres, dos, siete, quince, doce, once, trece, cuatro, nueve, seis.

Did I mess you up?

Treinta.

One, five, three.

How many?

Treinta.

Okay, do it again with me.

Let's see who can do it fastest, okay?

Okay.

Okay, one, two, three.

One, two, three, four, cinco, seis, siete.

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro.

fast fast too fast oh yeah dude come on oh yeah you do it so fast baby keep doing it baby

oh yeah yes

oh yeah

yeah what hand you using what hand you using

what hand you using hey what hand you using

what? what hand you using yo? what hand what? what hand are you using bitch? yo

what hand do you use? what hand do I use? ya! I do not or right , left, sometimes both. no but

when you shake if someone hand what hand do you use what? when you shake your

hands when you shake hands with someone why how do you use. oh when I shake hands

with someone what do I use? ya your right hand. I use you're hands. what hand

you don't shake hands i shake with your hand i use your hand no but what hand do you use to

shake someone's hand yours oh my god you're not gonna put your hand out left or right

you're retarded thank you all right fuck you too have a good day okay i love you

i don't know who is this that was kind of creepy and weird i wonder how old that lady was

she was getting really hot with accounting in spanish i'll tell you what that doesn't

from me gentlemen i don't know about you nothing turns me on to hearing a old hispanic lady count

real fast charlie brown farms in little rock california got that here the wawa food markets

another one with some ignorant prick named tom try that or we can take this call what should i do

yes sir it is how are you doing oh wow i can't believe i got you anyways i'm not too bad um

Um, yeah, I'd like to do maybe that Walmart or something, or maybe a person.

A Walmart or a person.

See, I always suck at the people, unless you got, like, a story, like, if it's, yeah, this is my friend from work or something that, you know, keeps grabbing his dick all the time.

Then they got something to work with.

Okay.

Like, this is my first time I've listened for a while, so I'm not a pro or anything.

But, uh, like, what I was going for was gonna do that, like, um, I'm a juggernaut bitch.

Okay.

Keep saying that and come off.

That's always a plan.

Now, you want a Walmart.

I think, did you send me a Walmart?

Are you the guy that sent me a Walmart?

No, I just heard you talk about it earlier.

Okay.

Alright, cool.

I got a few confirmed Walmarts here, actually, that I can call tonight.

So, keep listening.

You'll definitely hear that.

I'll probably try to do that right after this next call that I'm about to do right now.

So, sounds like a plan.

I don't mind at all.

Thank you very much.

Visit our websites and be sure to spread the word, man.

Yeah, I'll try, eh?

Alright, eh?

You're from Canada?

Yeah, yeah.

Ontario?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Are you tracking me or something?

Yeah, I got a bunch of...

Yeah, I got...

It's called caller ID.

Come on, man.

It's not a stretch.

You're calling my...

You're calling my toll-free line.

I pretty much know where you're at.

I know your city at least.

It's not like I'm going to mark you out.

Anyway, my bad.

All right, man.

Well, hey, thanks for calling, bro.

Okay.

All right.

Later.

Bye.

That was that guy.

I didn't even ask his name.

Well, thank you, that guy, for calling in.

And I was getting ready to do that prank call.

So, we'll get ready for that right now.

Now, we'll be right back.

Get no kick from champagne.

Doesn't thrill me.

Tell me why shouldn't it.

There's only one beer left.

Screaming all in our ears like we're deaf.

Tempt me.

Do a number on the label.

I'm seasoned.

So I'ma put it on my tab, kid.

However you get there.

Foot it.

Bust it.

Face forfeit.

Bust the mic.

Hold it like you lost it.

Call them get off it and a bunch of other more shit.

I'm soft.

They're trooping off.

Laugh and get some head by the side.

What's Amnique speaking?

How may I help you?

Yeah, is Tom there?

Who?

Tom.

Is Tom there?

No, he's not.

Is there a manager there named Tom?

No.

Who's the manager that ran over my grandmother's feet with the card?

Hold on.

Okay, let's roll hold.

Put a hold music for everybody.

While we regroup, as we're on hold.

Hello, how can I help you?

Yeah, was I on hold?

Yeah, I believe so.

Decency is to play a little bit of music, don't you think?

Okay, is this a serious phone call?

This is a serious phone call.

My grandmother's feet got run over by one of your grocery carts.

She didn't even get an apology.

Okay, and what time of day was this?

That was about 32 minutes ago.

Okay, and her name?

Her name is Gladys.

Okay, and she was in the store how many minutes ago?

About 32.

32 minutes ago?

33 at this point, because I've been holding for so long.

Okay.

I'm upset. I'm upset, ma'am.

Who is Tom? Who is this Tom they tell me of?

Tom?

Who is this Tom that they speak of?

Okay, we have nobody here at this moment in time that goes by the name of Tom?

Well, when the kid ran over her feet, she said, what's your name?

And he said, and I don't mean to curse, but he said, Tom, stupid.

And I'm sorry to curse like that.

I don't talk like that, but he called her stupid even.

He said, my name is Tom, stupid.

Maybe it wasn't really his name, but whoever you have over there who's a little jokester that ran over her keys

and then ran over her feet after she bent over to pick up the keys,

It's sick.

It's very, very sick.

You're sick people there.

Okay.

Honestly, though, there's nobody here, like I said, at this time by that name.

Are you sure you have the right Wawa?

Yeah, this is the one that I'm calling on Cotman, right?

Cotman Avenue, yeah.

Exactly.

Okay, well, I don't have anybody working right now by that name.

Well, maybe it's not Tom.

I think she gave you...

I don't have any...

Let me rephrase.

I don't have any mail.

She really...

I have no mail on...

She's hard of hearing and hard of vision.

Hard of hearing and hard of vision.

You've got to understand, she's had diabetes for damn near 30 years.

Okay, I completely sympathize, and I'm sorry, but I'm telling you, I have no male employees.

She went in there for some sugar-free ice cream, and this happened.

Okay, um, I wasn't made aware of anything that had happened at that point in time until this phone call.

And again, I'm sorry, but...

It's horrible. Horrible.

Horrible, horrible, horrible.

Alright.

That was good

I don't know if she really bought that

But she sounded scary enough

She sounded scared enough

Yes, 32 minutes exactly

Brandon Vegas, what's up, man?

Alright

What do you think so far?

Pretty good

Good listenership going tonight?

We are, we got a lot of new people listening tonight

I can't explain it, but I feel great

I think the right kind of people maybe got motivated tonight

That's good tonight

That's right

Right, that's right.

Brenna Vigas, what's your take on things happening with KDK announcing it's going to be dropping off the stream?

I mean, it's just the stream.

It's still not like the address is going to disappear or anything.

It's just, you know, the prank calls aren't getting the listeners.

They might have to do something else.

I don't know.

I'm sure there'll be plenty of options out there to do.

I don't know.

It just sucks, man.

It just sucks to see this whole thing that we have here kind of dissipate in some way.

You know, KDK living on his own is still KDK living on his own.

You don't want to see that happen.

That's not a positive thing, but it is it is it is a flagship show two of them as a matter of fact

Because this Wednesday night show something when he does it sometimes is really good

So I hate to see it happen my man. So what else is going on?

You say that I should replace the hideout here in Orlando on TKS. That's funny

Yeah, yeah this sort of become a little more popular though apparently and their last ratings book apparently they they gained some ground

They're not like excellent now

Yeah, they're no Jirgaraba when he was at his peak, but they're pretty good right now, actually.

Jirgaraba or whatever.

I've actually been downloading some podcasts from Ol' Rock, but they're nothing.

They're like five minutes.

Oh, really?

Yeah, TKS has a lot of stuff on their podcasting now, man.

Like, the Monsters are podcasts.

Like, everything they do is on podcasts now, pretty much.

Every single segment is on podcasts.

Every good segment is on podcasts.

It's really cool.

I'll have to check that out.

Yeah.

I listen on XM.

I agree with him a lot still.

Oh, okay.

All right.

All right, yeah.

I'm still pissed off about the Drew Garabo thing,

because that used to be on, well, my time, 4 to 8,

and that's where I used to listen to 4 to 8 every day was Drew Garabo.

Oh, really?

Yeah, man, he pissed the wrong people off,

and they just dropped it on him, too, like they did.

And his show now isn't doing really good, apparently.

He's having trouble, too, right now on his current live show

that he's got on the mornings now.

He's going against the Monsters and, I guess, Howard to an extent.

Not really, I'm serious.

Alright man well thanks for calling in dude

And don't worry I'll be back on Thursday

In case this is the end

There'll be one more show

So keep your head up my friend

Alright we'll catch you later man

Bye Brandon Vegas

Brandon Vegas everybody

He's been listening to PCU for a long time

What's going on in the chat room

Let's find out shall we

We got a gentleman here by the name of Think Tank

Who's asking about something

And this guy Clone Homegirl makes a comment

And KDK makes a comment

So that's the chat room for you everybody

Let's hear it for the chat room.

And if you're not in the chat room, go to kdkprankhalls.com now.

Earth Dog joining the chat room.

Earth Dog, a very consummate individual, a very smart guy.

Super smart.

That's Earth Dog for you.

And let's see who we're going to call next.

Yeah, the toll-free line is now open also, by the way.

Toll-free line is now open.

1-888-278-8509.

Fuck it.

1-888-278-8509.

That is our toll-free line.

It's on our dime.

You don't have to pay a damn thing unless you're, like, calling from somewhere outside of the United States or Canada.

Even Canada.

Took a call from Canada.

Probably cost me $5.

But I took it.

That's how much I love you guys.

That's why I had to cut him off short, too.

I can't, you know, it's long distance.

They charge me for these toll-free calls, man.

If it's local, it's not that bad.

All right, I'm bullshitting about dumb shit.

Play some music here while we set up for our next prank call.

Okay.

Okay. And Madman salutes me in the chatroom also.

Thank you, Madman.

Madman's a nice guy. He's a crazy skater.

He's crazy on the skateboard.

He's a good guy.

Walmart Connection Center in Eugene, Oregon.

I hate the name of that state, Oregon.

If I lived in a state in Oregon, I'd shoot myself, motherfucker.

We're gonna call Walmart.

We got a fax machine.

Aw.

The Steam Donkey, right?

Huh?

Steam Donkey Restaurant?

Yeah.

Okay.

Can I ask you a question, please?

Um, how much, are you still seating right now? Do you do to-go orders?

Um, home orders and serving at 8.30.

He stops serving at 8.30. I don't even know what time it is, honestly.

It's like 8 o'clock right now.

Oh, yeah, I don't know. I'm within walking distance, but I really would like to take out the Dodge Stealth.

But I'll be there in a little bit. I'll pick that up.

I'm going to tell you, the last time I had donkey was in, um, it was in Iraq.

Real donkey.

Yeah, because we were out of mead. The convoys were getting cut off and everything. We saw some donkeys and we just grilled them up. It was pretty good. We never had steamed donkey though, so I'm thinking maybe we'll give that a try.

I mean, it's really, you don't know how surprised I was when I saw the list.

It was like, steamed donkey.

Man, I haven't had a donkey since the war.

Who is it?

My name?

My name is Luis Garcia.

I don't know if you ever heard of my cousin Eddie.

We were both together in the war.

He got shot and I got sent back home.

Uh-uh.

We're from here in town in Pinecrest.

We were in the paper.

You hear of us?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, that was a few months ago, and I've gained about 28 pounds in the last month alone.

I've gained a lot of weight, and, um, you know, honestly, I could go for some succulent donkey tonight.

Hold on one second.

Okay.

Yeah, how you doing?

Fine.

Yeah, look, I was wondering, um, if you have the tickle order, exactly how, do you sell the donkey by the pound?

It's not a donkey.

Well, it's a steamed donkey. I told her before, I haven't had donkey since I was in the army.

We don't have donkey here, I'm sorry.

We were in Iraq, and we didn't have any more food, so we killed some donkeys.

We

We were drinking our urine.

I don't know what to tell you.

I can give you something else.

We ate donkey and drank urine out there.

It was a hell.

Pardon?

We ate donkey and we drank urine.

That's all we had.

Three weeks.

I'm sorry.

Now I weigh 482 pounds.

I got something over there.

I don't know what it was.

Maybe it's something in the donkey.

So you want nothing else?

This donkey?

We don't serve.

Steamed donkey.

So you're out of luck.

Oh god, I tried eating horse, I tried eating rattlesnake.

Do you have chili dogs?

Chili dogs? Is that as erotic as you guys get with the food?

What?

Is that as erotic as you guys get with the food?

I mean exotic, exotic, I'm sorry.

Oh man, I'm not coming out here really.

Okay, I'm going to give you Sarah, she's going to talk you through the whole dog eating.

Okay.

What do we need?

Hello?

Sarah?

Oh yes it is.

This is Sarah. Yes, it is. Sarah, what's your social security number?

I'm sorry. Look, I wanted to come in for some donkey.

How much is donkey for pound? How much is what?

The donkey for pound. Donkey for what?

Pound. The donkey for pound.

Well, it's about $22.97, I think. $22.97?

Yeah. Is that dark or white meat?

Well, we got a little of both.

Alright, can I just get donkey meat?

Comes with hair, too.

Hair?

Yeah, you gotta skin it.

You guys are supposed to steam it, though.

We're what?

I thought you guys were steaming it or what?

No, we don't steam donkey.

No.

No, we just cook the regular food.

You know, man, dude, as far as the gasoline, it's so expensive right now.

That's...

Right.

Yeah, we serve just regular food.

Yeah, but you know how expensive the gas is right now?

How expensive gas is?

Yeah, can't you cut me a little slack?

Cut you a little slack on what?

Well, the other day, I went to the gas station, right?

And I had, all I got was $10 left for my disability check.

Right.

And I wanted to get, like, four hot dogs, a two-liter Dr. Pepper, and one of those bags of peanuts, you know?

Yeah, we don't actually serve hot dogs.

Yeah.

No, what I'm trying to say is I didn't have enough for that and gas, so.

Oh.

I had to pull back one of the hot dogs and I was so upset. I ate my cell phone.

You're crazy.

Some of that chili sauce got on the cell phone and I ate the cell phone.

You got chili sauce on your cell phone and you ate the cell phone.

Yeah. You know, right now some mayonnaise fell from my chin down to the phone here.

Right.

And it looks so good. I don't want to eat it now.

Do you have a phone?

I can't.

Why is it still working?

My teeth is just, they're not strong enough.

Teeth aren't strong enough?

No.

What's your name?

My name is John.

John?

John Masters.

John Masters?

Yes.

Where do you live?

Oh yeah?

I got a trailer parked over the side of the back of the trailer.

Just me, my cell phone, and my dog.

I ate the other dog.

You, your cell phone, and your dog, and your trailer.

And I ate the other dog.

Don't forget that part.

That's good.

That was good.

What kind do you serve dinner?

Oh, you already know.

No. Excellent.

Can I talk to the lady, please? I think she likes me.

I don't think she likes you.

She sounded horny.

That's good.

Is she horny?

See ya.

Is she asking if you like her?

Okay.

That was that. That really hurts my mouth to do that voice for too long.

Oh, man.

Applause for that.

That was John, the 482-pound man, who ate his cell phone

and then proceeded to try to eat his phone again,

but didn't get too far with it.

That was good.

Another satanic store, mostly bastard fucks at this place,

says Lonesome Loser

for this particular grocery store.

Maybe we'll call in a little bit. Maybe

we will. The Dad is thinking about

calling in. The Dad, you're more than welcome to call

in as well as the rest of you. The toll

free line is 1-888-278-8509.

It goes for you. People like

Jonathan out there who like to call in.

Mad Man, I don't think he's ever called in to the show.

Line's open to you.

I think Think Tank is the person who called us from

Canada. That's fine. Brandon Vegas

already called in, so why don't you follow

suit again the toll free line is 1-888-278-8509 anything uh what's up to clone homegrown and

what's up to uh black box i believe black box is a good friend of mine from my from my highs from

my high school days and i think that's him and what's up man nice to see you on here bro i think

i'm pretty sure i told him about the show tonight i think he's in there listening so good good for

black box good for joining hooray us okay kdk saying that the world's gonna end in 2012

12 whatever that means okay hey there goes the phone and there it went no more no more people

on the phone um burger king yeah i know i had a walmart here somewhere holy shit aspirin acres

miniature donkeys well that sounds good let's try to call that hang on everybody we're right

back with the next call please enter the number you wish to call you have three hours 22 minutes

Hi, is this the Miniature Donkey Place?

It is.

Is this the Miniature Donkey Place?

Yes, it is.

Great.

I'm going to put you on with my neighbor here.

He's actually looking for some.

Are you still open tonight?

Well, I'm still here.

Okay.

Go ahead.

You guys are there pretty late, huh?

Well, I'm in the house now.

Okay, well, hang on.

Let me get Eddie on it.

Hello?

Hello.

Yeah, hi.

You have miniature donkeys there?

I do.

I'd like to get miniature donkeys.

I collect them myself.

You collect them?

It tastes really good.

Oh, really? Thank you.

You're welcome.

I guess I busted my nut too early with that one.

Sorry.

Sorry, everybody. I fucked it up.

And there goes our donkey theme.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

Do that. Bubba Gump Shrimp.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

Tom, bitch.

Call again later.

California, A.

When niggas die every day over some shit they say.

Disconnected ever.

As long as I got a Beretta, I'm for whatever.

Safety, cash, cause from EZC to Kobe's.

Lee's in Coon Rapids, featuring Car State Service. Tony, how may I help you?

Hey, how you doing, bro? This is Tony.

Tony, let me write that down. T-O-N-Y, right?

Yep.

Okay. Tony, I got a problem here. I came in earlier tonight.

You what?

I came in earlier tonight.

Okay.

And I went to use the restroom.

When I came back, there was another party sitting at my table.

Okay.

Okay. Now, they took care of that, and they sat me down.

And I specifically asked for Diet Coke.

okay I'm diabetic and I wasn't paying attention I was drinking it like it was

water and the next thing I know I get home and apparently was regular coke

okay I got a to go cup from when I brought it home I drank it on the way to

the house and the next thing I know waking up my car and it's crashed into

my into my garage door okay okay and my wife came over and she tasted the drink

and she said it's regular coke not diet okay now my shirt is really hot right

Hey, hold on, let me go in the office.

The office?

Shouldn't you probably be at the hospital?

I can't afford it.

I took away my disability and everything.

Pardon?

I took away my disability after I got divorced.

Okay, you just talked about your wife.

Yeah, I don't know.

I tried to call her her one life.

Well, she's really my ex-wife.

I keep, you know, hoping that she'll come back.

But I gotta lose the weight first.

Okay.

She says she won't come back until I lose the weight.

Okay.

And it's so hard when you're diabetic.

It just, it doesn't come off you like it would normally.

Anyway, your metabolism's all messed up.

Sure.

I'm going to get a form out here, and I'll fill it out, and...

Go get yourself a drink if you need to.

It's on the couch, and my head hurts already.

Look, if I don't answer, you know what happened, or you just let them know, okay?

You there?

Okay.

Make sure you're still there.

Oh, yeah.

Full name?

First name is John.

And your last name?

Masters.

Address?

219 Eagle Lane.

It's right here.

City?

55448.

and your yellow sliders.

Can I get your phone number, please?

Yeah, it's 763-571-6058.

You were eating here?

Yeah.

I had diet coke and that gave me the regular.

I had the drug, but I don't think that's what caused it.

See, do you have a work phone number?

No, I don't work. I'm disabled, remember?

Yeah, okay.

Put it in the corner of my face.

You know, I used to kill communists in Vietnam when I was young.

You know, Vietnam, look what happened to me now, huh?

Yep.

This is what I got for what I did for my country.

I got shot in the pancreas by a Vietnamese.

He was 8 years old.

Vietnamese sniper, 8-year-old girl.

So good.

Hit me right in the pancreas, lost it.

Exploded.

They said it exploded.

I'm diabetic, I mean, yeah.

Put in a pig's pancreas.

You know, that bush and all his laws have been worked.

I think this is it, buddy.

I'm going to fill out these forms, and I'm going to give someone a call,

And I'll give you a cup. Oh, super. Thank you. Mm-hmm. Sorry about that. I don't know what's gonna happen

And I don't get out of this couch for five months and the first thing that happens is this holding you responsible

Nice with God. I don't know. Yeah, all right. Good night, sir. Goodbye. It's in Vietnam. That's right

Yes, I did say that I got shot by an eight-year-old Vietcong a girl a sniper right in the pancreas

That was a bit long. I'm sorry, everybody.

Thanks for bearing with me.

What else can we do now?

I hope you're all enjoying the show out there.

Be sure to send me your suggestions and comments on AOL Instant Messenger.

Madhouse Radio is my screen name.

Bless me.

And if you're using Yahoo Instant Messenger, Madhouse PC, or your radio,

you can also join the chat room at kdkprankcalls.com.

KDK as in kill, death, kill.

kdkprankcalls.com.

And I thank all 48 of you who are listening right now on various networks, including KDK, Prank Calls, PCURadio.com, Prank Call Underground Radio.

Again, you can visit our homepage there, PCURadio.com.

And also be sure to visit my homepage for my show, which is normally on Thursday nights.

That is MadHouseLive.com.

Cell phone.

Woo-hoo-hoo.

Someone's got cell phone money.

I like it.

I'm sorry.

Jonathan, what's up, man?

Not much.

You told me to call in.

I just said you should call in.

What's wrong with that? Anything wrong with that?

Nothing wrong with that, man.

Jonathan, we're going to talk tonight, me and you, about some things.

Okay, now you're from where exactly? You're from one of the Carolinas, is that right?

Yeah, Charlotte, North Carolina.

Charlotte, North Carolina, okay.

And what is it exactly that you do for a living?

Well, I do two things. I work part-time with disabled people, and I'm a part-time bus driver.

Okay, you're a part-time bus driver, and you part-time with disabled people?

Yes.

What do you do with disabled people?

Do you help them, like, like a speech therapist, or?

Uh, paraprofessional type.

Okay, okay, I understand.

Now, you're how old, 47, is it?

I'm about to be 47 June 23rd.

June 23rd?

Are you kidding?

My birthday's on June the 20th, brother.

Oh, I'm not, you're not too far from me.

No, no, sir.

No, sir, a lot.

Uh, we're, we're, I'm, I'm almost a cancer, but I'm a Gemini.

Ain't that something?

Oh, that's cool.

One day away, friend.

All right.

So, that puts you, I believe you're the oldest listener on PCU Radio.

How does it feel to know that?

Oh, I heard that.

KDK is trying to shut PCU down.

Yeah, who knows if it's going to happen.

You know, I wouldn't put too much thought into it.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

All right, but don't feel too sad.

So, what have you been up to?

Man, just working and everything and working some more and stuff like that.

Not happy with my work, but still working nonetheless.

I'm just, you know, I'm keeping myself busy with things, man.

Yeah, I see.

Yeah, yeah.

So do you drive like a school bus or a charter bus, or what do you do?

City bus driver.

City bus driver, okay.

Okay, just trying to get to know you.

A lot of people ask me who is the mysterious Jonathan, and now we know.

That's cool.

How did you learn about PCU Radio?

How did you find us exactly?

I've been doing, searching around for prank call radios and stuff like that,

and I heard from a friend that PCU is the best.

Okay.

Well, it's the damn truth, isn't it?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Damn right.

All right, man.

Well, thank you very much for calling in.

Oh, no problem.

It was always an honor and a pleasure speaking to you.

Don't be a stranger, and tell as many people as you can.

I'm sure you've done it, but help us out, man.

Oh, I will.

All right.

God bless you.

As-salamu alaykum.

All right.

White Power.

Bye.

You heard it here first.

Jonathan agrees with White Power.

And I'm about to actually take a quick break because I need to.

I got to take a piss.

I'm on my, like, fifth beer, I think, right now.

So I need to take a break, everybody.

I apologize, you know.

But, sorry.

Got to do it.

But when I come back, there will be more prank calls and more talk and more of your live calls.

Again, the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

And we are about 41 minutes away from June 6th of 2006.

666, the end of the world.

Bullshit.

I don't buy it, but it's what they say.

So, whatever.

All right, everybody.

Hang on to your hats.

More exciting show after this.

It's too doggone late.

Testify the day I die.

More Madhouse right after this.

Don't tell me 40,000 people are coming here.

They're not here.

The Onion Radio News.

A judge orders God to break up into smaller...

Okay, everybody, I'm sorry.

We're coming back from break because we have a special caller.

Caller, go ahead.

Yes, hello.

I'm looking for a certain Carlitos Madhouse.

Would this be the number?

This is it.

Yes.

888-278-8509.

Does that spell out anything?

It doesn't, does it?

No, because it has a zero in it.

I guess it doesn't.

We'll have to figure out some way or another

to incorporate that into some kind of acronym.

him. You sound very

studio exec today. What's going on with you, man?

Nothing, dude, man. I was, like, listening

to the show, and lo and behold,

you are my

information source for

all that is KVK. I had no idea

that KVK was gonna, you know,

shut down the stream and all that stuff.

Yeah, that's what he's talking about.

That's his prerogative, but he wants to.

I don't know why. Well, you know what?

I'm telling you the truth.

I don't blame the fucking guy.

I mean, look at the, look at, you got 40 people here tonight, which is really good, on a Monday night.

These 40 people should be telling five or six people that they know, or spamming places.

We should have at least 100 people listening, minimally.

That's true, that's true.

There is a lack of promotion here sometimes, and who knows where the root cause of it is.

Is it on us, the hosts?

Us, the hosts? Is it on the listeners? Is it on everybody?

everybody, who knows, but we should all be trying to

promote as much as we can, but yeah,

46 listeners right now, as a matter of fact.

46 total. Yeah, well, dude, that's a lot of people.

That's a lot of people to just

be listening to some schmuck, meaning

myself, or KBK, or you.

But the thing is,

is they know three or four

people just like them who may enjoy

this kind of shit. They need to

spread the word around, or go to wherever

it is that people have chat rooms,

and if there's a fucking 50 people in a chat

room, you're bound to pull one.

One person.

Hell yeah.

There's bound to be one person to click on this to listen,

and that one person's probably going to like it.

And then I'll tell you something right now.

Then KDK wouldn't be able to shut this fucking thing down

because it'd be too popular.

He'd be a fool.

You go to somebody like Lego, and you say,

Hey, Lego, this fucking guy doesn't want to run it anymore and shit.

You know, run the stream or fucking, you know, do what you can to copy it,

and we'll just call it the same thing, you know,

because if it's popular, you're not going to get rid of it if it's popular.

That's right.

You can't do that.

Why would you do that?

You'd be a fool to do that, like I said.

You'd be a damn fool, Zolar.

Zolar, when are you coming back?

Any news on that front?

Are you still on hiatus?

How are things on...

Evidently, I'm not going to be coming back

if KBK's going to fucking knock the stream out.

What are we going to do then?

You do have a point, yeah.

I mean, what are you going to come back to at this point?

Yeah, well, I figured after the winter sets in,

you know, like fucking when it starts hitting fall

and stuff like that, you know,

and I stop going out on the weekends and everything,

that I'll be looking forward to doing the show again,

you know, throughout the winter and everything.

But, you know, if it's not there, I can't do it, can I?

No, that's right.

But I'm sure there'll be something there.

I'm sure, I mean, Lego runs his thing, too.

I mean, he runs the server.

I don't see why he won't keep the stream up,

maybe not with a regular rotation on it,

but at least we can do our shows.

I don't know if that's going to affect the amount of people.

Again, I'm not going to want to come in

and do the fucking show for fucking 50 people, though.

Exactly.

I'm not doing the show for 50 people, you know?

Like, there's got to be a fucking lot of people around.

There's got to be a buzz about it.

I don't feel funny, and I don't feel like, you know,

It's fun for everyone if there's not a bunch of people showing up at the chat room,

writing me emails, doing shit with my audio.

They have to participate.

In a show like mine, it's audience-driven.

It's got to be like the audience has got to get completely involved,

take their funniest portions of the show, animate it somehow,

change the audio, add it to other things, do song parodies.

If this shit ain't going on, I'm not fucking jumping around like a monkey

for fucking 50 people who are going to sit there and go,

Yeah, exactly, yeah

So, guys, you hear it here

If you want to hear Zola back on the air

Give us some incentive

And go out there and get a caller

Get a new listener or two

A friend of yours who knows into what you're into

There's your incentive right there

Yeah, if the numbers would go up

I'd be more inclined not to fucking go out on a Friday night and shit

You know what I mean?

But, like, I could do a show on a fucking Tuesday or a Wednesday

Or whenever it is that's available during the week

That's more convenient for people

Like, Friday night, people like to go out

or are busy with their families and whatnot.

Maybe Friday night's not the best night for me,

but I want to see a significant amount of people.

It's got to be over 50 people.

Because if it's not 75, 100, and then breaking into the 125 area,

I'm not excited.

Yeah, you're not motivated, you're not excited.

You get that buzz.

When you look at those list of numbers,

you see it's up in, like, the 60s, 70s, 80s, and higher.

It's like, damn, you know what I mean?

It feels good.

So I know exactly how you feel.

You know, I got some really fucking staunch fans, like, you know,

Say, for instance, Earthdog or fucking Psychic Chuck or fucking guys like that who want to get involved with the show.

I'd love to do the show just for them, too, guys, because they're just the type of fans that I'm looking for.

You know what I mean?

Right.

But not everybody's as fucking vibrant as they are.

They kind of keep it like a secret or something like that.

They need to go and fucking spam the shit out of fucking this radio site and fucking that's the end of that.

We need as many people as we can get.

But, I'll tell you the truth, I don't see why KBK would keep it up and running.

He's got a fucking PC dedicated to fucking running that shit in his house.

You know, for what?

Fucking 20 people?

Sometimes I check the fucking thing.

I see 12.

12 people.

Yeah.

Into the rotation.

I saw that today, as a matter of fact.

Just about 12, something like that.

It's like, come on.

You know, it used to not be like that.

I don't know what's happening.

I don't know what's happened, but I

don't know.

I don't know where to go with it, man.

You know, like this guy that you just talked to on the phone,

the one right previous, prior to my phone call.

Right.

He was just searching around for prime phone call type shit,

and he came across this.

He came across it, yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

And so there is a market for that, because for every one guy who finds a place,

there's a hundred idiots who can't figure it out.

That's right.

So we need to somehow or another reach out to those idiots that fucking can't find us,

because they would love to listen if they could find us.

Show them how to do it.

Show them, you know, download this, install this, play this, play here, whatever it is.

Click this link.

What I'm looking for is the people who are listening to you right now

need to fucking go and tell people to spam other rooms, get people's interest in it,

You know, move around

Open your mouth and shit like that

If I see that there's fucking 60 people listening to you

I'm gonna be like, hey, I'm jealous

I want 60 people to listen to me

And I, you know, want 70 the week after that

I want 80, I want 90

You know, the more the numbers rise

The more I'm, you know, I'm interested in doing a show

When I was doing two, three shows a week sometimes

You know, taking over for people who weren't showing up

Doing nights that there weren't shows on

Coming on after fucking you or KBK

That's because there was numbers there

You got a point

You got a point, man.

It's all in the numbers.

It's a funner thing for everybody, and it's a funner thing for the host,

but it's a funner thing for everybody when you know there's a lot of people listening, you know?

Yeah, I'm not asking anybody for cash.

I'm not saying, hey, pay for me.

Like, if there wants to be 30 or 40 people, okay, pay me $5 a month, each one of you guys.

Send it to my PayPal account.

When I hit 40 people, I'll do a month's worth of show.

Right.

$5 a piece for 40 people per month.

Hell yeah.

I'll do a show for that.

Hell yeah.

Hell yeah, man.

or did I catch it at a bad time?

No, I'm going to let you get back to your prank phone call.

I just wanted to preach on all the fucking lazy listeners out there, man,

and say how much they love it.

Get out there and get some fucking other people listening.

Exactly.

Keep us going.

Keep us going strong.

This feels like it's a telethon show tonight for some reason.

I get that feeling.

Well, I mean, it might be your last show

because KDK is going to fucking shut this shit down.

He's going to do his last show on Saturday, right?

Yeah, that's right.

And then this is your last show, man.

This is your last rock.

I'll be kicking the shit out of you.

I'll have my show Thursday, but this will be the last show on Monday night, if that's true.

Yeah, but guess what?

The people who aren't listening right now won't be able to find you at TCU,

and you'll never hear from them again because they won't know where to find you.

Right, exactly.

You know what I'm saying?

And the people who took off for the summer won't be able to find you in the winter.

You know what I mean?

There's 40 other people who listen to you.

Exactly.

And you're going to lose them, so you need to fucking tell these 40 people that you got tonight,

night, fix people, whatever it is,

to fucking get on the stick, man,

because they're just sitting on their fucking

laurels out there, thinking this shit

comes for free, and it's always going to be there.

But it's not. Obviously, it's not.

Yeah, man. It's not free. It costs people

like KDK and myself money. We're not asking

for money. We're not asking for donations.

We're just asking that you tell other people so they can

listen, too, so we get more listeners, and the word

spreads, and it's better.

Build a family. It's called Procreate.

We need everybody to procreate

our fucking family of listeners.

Right.

It's like Hitler said.

We need a breeding room.

We need to procreate.

Become the master race out there.

So, Zola agrees with Hitler.

I didn't mean to bring down your show,

but this could be your last fucking night,

and you want to fucking, you know,

clown around with everybody like it's okay.

It's normal, and it's going to be okay,

because you're going to put your stream on

and get, what, 20 people?

That's all I can get is 20.

Yeah, that's going to suck.

No, that's no good.

That's no good,

because there's going to be 60 and 80 people

at one point that want to listen to you,

and you're stuck with a shitty stream that only allows you 20.

Yeah, I know.

I know that's what I'm looking at right now if this happens.

That's the worst case scenario.

It sucks.

So we need to show KDK that there's interest in this fucking, you know, site

and people better start fucking bringing up the numbers this week.

I'm fucking tonight.

People should be spamming while I'm talking.

If people aren't motivated by what I'm saying

or already starting to spam to build fucking Carlitos numbers up in the evening,

then you're fucking retarded out there.

Are you on drugs?

This is Carlito's last show.

Get a motherfucking move on, people.

That's right.

Start spamming now.

Yeah, you're listening to history here in the making.

This could be my last show.

I don't know what I'd do.

It is your last show.

Come Saturday, he's going to shut it off, and that's the end of that.

People just come listen to you 20 at a time, and that's not the way it's meant to be.

That's not the same thing.

You want to potentially be able to have 1,000 people listening at once.

That would be awesome.

And we have the capacity to have 1,000 listeners at once if we wanted to.

That's what I'm saying.

And you want to be able, you want to have the fucking ability to have that.

Even though you might not get that thousand, at least you know if at one point peaked out, you could have a thousand people.

Yeah, that'd be awesome.

That'd be awesome.

Get on the move, start moving around, go to the fucking places on Yahoo that have to do with entertainment or even voice chat and karaoke and all of that stupid shit and comedy.

And start fucking laying a fucking spam job all over that fucking shit.

Nazis and everything.

Help people, yeah.

Help people who are interested in the same type of things you are.

Spread it around your motherfucking school if you still don't know what to do.

Whatever it takes.

Get it going.

And graffiti it on the side of highway overpasses, too.

Come on, guys.

Yeah, yeah.

Tattoo it on your mother's fucking cunt.

Yeah.

Make your bitches scream it as you fuck them from behind.

Spread the word.

So get back to what you were doing now that I fucking laid it on them deep.

That's the way it should be.

and now you can fucking, you know, entertain in the way you always do.

You've always been there for them.

Like the Rock of Gibraltar, you've always been there for them.

That's me, and the monkeys are on the Rock of Gibraltar until I die.

I'm going to go take a piss now, Zola.

Thank you very much for calling in, man.

It's always a pleasure.

All right, people, stop spamming.

Don't be fucking dickheads.

I'm going to see the numbers rise tonight.

I'm checking fucking shoutcasts right now.

Right.

Do it.

All right, everybody.

Alami Lake.

Say bye to Zola, everybody.

Later, man.

And that was Zola.

alarm and now i'm gonna really take a break because i really have to take a piss and i got

to make a phone call real quick so we'll try this again we'll be right back after this everybody

stay tuned for more madhouse right after this 40 000 people are coming here not here the onion

radio news a judge orders god to break up into smaller deities this is doyle redland reporting

calling the theological giant stranglehold on the religious industry quote blatantly

anti-competitive, a U.S. district judge has ruled that God is in violation of anti-monopoly laws

and ordered him to be broken up into several less powerful deities. District Judge Charles

Eliot Schofield handed down the decision in Washington, D.C. earlier today. He has carved

out for himself an illegal monotheopoly. Leading theologians are applauding the God breakup,

saying that it will usher in a new era of greater worshiping options, increased efficiency,

Proficiency and more personalized service.

Doyle Redlin for The Onion, Radio News.

Brought to you by the movie Slither, in theaters this Friday.

For more information, go to slithermovie.net.

Fuck this, my brothers!

Hey, fuck!

Fuck them D.I.S., brothers!

Fuck them all!

Stay tuned for more Madhouse right after this.

Hey, fuck you, mate!

Who put this thing together?

Me!

That's who!

Julia, cutie, yo, the way you should get on shit doesn't work

We trust, yo, I said you heard of us, yo, we murder us

I wonder when the niggas curious, so mysterious

All of my niggas is serious

Chef niggas be walking around fearing us

Front nigga like you don't wanna be hearing us

Gotta listen to how radio be playing us

30 times I take you to make you delirious

Damn thing all up in your ear, yes

Yo, it's funny how all the chickens be always serving us

All up in between the ass when they wanna carry us

If you're good then hit them off with the alias

First, chickens, they wanna marry us

Yo, it's flip mode, my nigga, you know we bout to bust

Seven figure money, the label preparing us

Thus, instead of you making the fuss

Niggas know better, cause there ain't no comparing us

Man, us niggas is never, we fabulous

Get people off with the flow, that be marvelous

Oh shit, my whole clique victorious

Taking no prisoners, niggas, it's straight up glorious

Why you feel it that I know you be feeling so glorious?

Then I pledge to reminisce with my nigga, Notorious

You the little one that bought like that, that, that, that

Thank you for staying with us on the break.

We only lost six listeners in the break.

I'm sorry about that.

But I had to take a break.

I am mandated by the powers that be to take a break around 1130 every week that I do a show.

And Zolar was trying to be dramatic and say that tonight's the last time you'll hear me, Carlito.

No, no, no.

We have another show still Thursday night.

We normally are on Thursday night.

I am normally on Thursday night because my co-host is no longer on because my co-host is gone

My co-host left me everybody and milkman's is not around even anymore. So fucking nothing happens anymore. No one likes us

Go ahead man. It's me again. But um, I didn't really understand the last time I called

Did you want me to do a prank or was that a no? Oh, yeah

Um, yeah, we can do that if you want. Do you want to do a prank call?

Yeah, I want to give it a try, you know, where do you want to call? Do you want to call walmart?

Actually, I don't care as long as I get to yell at them.

Okay, how about Hobo Cookies in Oklahoma?

A redneck woman is there.

We'll do that.

All right, let me prep.

Very well done.

All right, we'll be right back with that, everybody.

Hang on.

I'm the Juggernaut.

Who's this?

Hello?

Juggernaut.

I thought I'd kick you over.

I'm the Juggernaut.

Okay.

I always wanted to do that.

Feels good to do that, doesn't it?

Oh, man.

We're still home.

All right, Canada guy.

Thanks for calling back, man.

That was pretty funny.

Thank you.

All right, later, man.

There you go, Canada guy.

he was a bit confused that's always funny let me go to the chat room see who's saying what

um earth dog says play some tupac when 666 hits in 18 minutes oh my god 666 i i don't know i don't

whatever 666 whatever i think maybe if it was june 6th of the year 6 i'd be worried about it

but even then jesus would still be alive so that wouldn't make any sense but whatever it's a bunch

bunch of crap, um, damn, Madman's been sending me a lot of, uh, numbers, and I haven't been

paying attention, my bad, dude, um, he sent me numbers for John Royster Elite Hunting

in Kentucky, also a Joel, a Joel Little, same outfit, uh, Elite Zombie Hunting Squad, what

the hell is that, what the hell is a zombie hunting squad, he also wants us, uh, to mention

that, uh, tomorrow, June the 6th, is National Emo Kid Beatdown Day, again, that's tomorrow,

Tomorrow, National Emo Kid Beatdown Day.

And I see that my girlfriend, Athena, is in the chatroom.

Well, hey, how you doing?

Athena, out of town again, visiting family, and she'll be back next week.

And when she comes back, there'll be no more Madhouse, because PC will be dead, in theory.

So, worry about that, everybody.

Saigon, also joining the chatroom.

Saigon, very much Saigon here with us now.

Happy good time.

Let's see.

I'm thinking about calling

The Mad Hatter

It's called The Mad Hatter

We'll be right back everybody with The Mad Hatter

talk, but love it when I shout. Fuck with me, I doubt that you really can. When I get

to doing my hillbilly dance. A step to the left, then two back to the right. Take a shot

of Patron and then get back to the mic. Yeah, I'm rapping tonight. As soon as the light

hit, I'm all about the green. Man, to hell with this white shit. And that's that white

shit that speed up your pulse rate. Some cardiac arrest, so sweet with a dumb taste.

The Mad Hatter.

Hello?

Hello, is this the Mad Hatter?

Yeah.

Okay, do you provide hats or are you just mad?

Oh, I have no hats for bad, and I'm actually quite peaceful once you get to know me.

Okay.

May I ask you a question about the name Mad Hatter, if you know the significance of it and how it's related to my life?

Uh, sure, go ahead.

Okay, the term Mad Hatter would mean for somebody who was, uh, had lead poisoning and went crazy beans, you know?

Yeah.

Well, that kind of happened to my mother.

Oh, yeah?

She got lead poisoning, yeah, and, um, you know, I kind of find offense to it, don't you think?

I mean, how would you feel?

Well, I don't know.

No, they're somewhat related. I don't think there's too much to do about it that I can do about it.

What country are you from, dude?

What country?

Yeah.

Uh, I'm from right here in the U.S.

You don't sound very American. What kind of accent is that is?

Well, this is, uh, northern New England accent.

That's sick. Okay. So, why, what, is that your name, actually? Is it Mad Hatter? Is that, like, some kind of joke?

Well, my real name would be Chico Eastridge. You should read my bio.

Your bio?

Mad Hatter. The Mad Hatter would just be a code name.

Wow, man. That's like your incognito name? Like, that's what you go by? Like your call sign, you'd say?

Yeah, I guess so. What do you go by, buddy?

I go by Carlito.

Oh, well, that's cool.

It's short for Carlos.

Oh, yeah? I've got a friend named Carlos.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah? Is he Hispanic or black?

He's Hispanic. He comes from Colombia.

Colombia. You know those damn Colombians. Don't get me started on Colombians. I'm not very fond of those bastards.

Oh, yeah? Well, he's a very nice guy.

Yeah, he's probably not in real life. Maybe his dad isn't either.

If you really look out for that, don't hang out with Colombians, man.

They're not good people.

Well, this guy's very nice.

He likes to dance.

Don't trust him.

Don't trust him, dude.

Well, don't trust him.

Don't trust Colombians.

I wouldn't trust a Colombian any more than I trust a Cuban.

Oh, yeah?

You could trust Costa Ricans are trustable.

Ecuadorians are trustable.

Oh, yeah, we've got a Costa Rican.

Yeah, good for you.

Alice Thompson from Costa Rica.

Why are you giving out women's first and last names?

Don't you have any respect?

Well...

You don't do that to a lady.

You don't get on the phone and talk to some stranger and give her first and last name out.

She's on the site.

She's one of our agents.

That's sick.

She's right there on the site.

You don't give a woman's full name out without her permission, buddy.

Oh, she gave permission.

She's a very dangerous lady.

What are you trying to say?

What have you done with her?

Huh?

What do I do with her?

What have you done?

Well, I've taken a picture of her, put her up on the site.

You can see it.

It's very nice.

Oh, you're sick.

She's got an ax.

You're sick.

She's got an ax.

Oh, yeah, I'm sick.

Apparently you are.

You're very sick of taking pictures and putting them on the internet.

Yeah, that's a sick offense.

That's what sick people do.

Yeah, and you know there's millions of them out there.

Sick Americans like you from the Northeast, from New England.

Yeah, we're all just crazy.

There's a lot of sick people in New England, buddy.

Let me let you know, first of all, a lot of nasty, sick, nasty people up there.

Yeah, we're awful.

A lot of sick white people.

If you come up here, you're bound to get raped and, you know, it's really horrible.

White people are sick.

They're annoying.

They smell bad.

and they're all up in your business all the time yeah all up in your business they are all they're

all up in your business you know people are sick it's like they can't stop they don't you know

they always call you at like 12 at night um what time zone are you from i'm in guam so it's about

six guam so it's probably like uh what time is it there 649 it's midnight here is it it really is

Yeah, but you really are sick.

Yeah.

Because I have a website, a, you know, kind of a joke website, right?

Sick.

So why don't you reevaluate yourself and reevaluate what it is that entertainment is

and do something in the eyes of God that's productive.

You know, maybe you should make crucifixes out of wood that you cut in your backyard.

What do you want us to do?

We can do something for you.

We're open to suggestions here.

I would like you to pick up the Bible

and read it nightly.

I've got one.

Oh, good.

I would like you to go out from now on every evening

and you cut yourself four pieces of wood

and you make two crucifixes

and you sell them for money for the church.

Oh, yeah?

Should I drag what I bought onto a hill

and then put railroad spikes through my arms and legs

and hang there until I die?

No, Jesus already did that for you, you stupid ass.

Oh, yeah, I'm...

Yeah, don't be sick.

Don't be sick.

See, here you go.

You sick white people all over again

Talking about railroad steaks

Sick, S-I-K, sick

S-I-K, S-I-C

C-K, C-K, you know what I mean

Oh yeah, we spell it differently here

Sick man, you're very sick

We spell it the cool way, you know

I bet you know how to spell it, you sick bastard

Oh yeah, we know a whole bunch

We've got good maple syrup too

I'm diabetic

Oh, well, that's a bummer

Because it's really good

That's really sick for you to say to a diabetic that you have good maple syrup.

You know, you're really fucking sick.

You know that?

Well, you know, I'm just saying you're missing out.

You know that I'm diabetic and you dare...

You are.

You must be sick.

Well, you know, I'm sorry about that.

Get off my phone.

I command you to hang up the phone.

Get off my phone.

I command you to hang up the phone.

You don't have any jurisdiction.

I failed to see your command.

All right, well, this won't go anywhere for a while, will it?

Well, if you hang up, you're submitting to me.

I command you to hang up.

Seen any good movies lately?

No. Submit to me. Hang up the phone.

Oh, yeah, me neither.

I command you to hang up the phone, sir.

And you will. You will.

You will be the one to hang up the phone tonight.

You know who you should call next?

Oh, wait, no. The other two numbers.

Did you try the other numbers yet?

No, I haven't tried the contact page.

I don't think they're going to work right now.

No, no. We're not going to get into that sicko, okay?

Oh, yeah, because they would love your call.

Now you're giving phone numbers out to your friends.

You're really sick, dude.

Well, yeah, I know.

Anyway.

I'm an awful person.

That's why I have this website, just to show how awful I am.

What's your website, asshole?

Just give it out already to everybody here.

Oh, everybody, JimRage.com.

JimRage.com.

Yeah, how'd you find my number if you didn't go to the website?

What kind of sick person gives out a website like that, JimRage.com?

JimRage.com.

Okay, well, everybody's heard it.

Congratulations.

Everybody, everybody.

buddy. Get ready, because your website's

going to probably, it might

experience some traffic problems tonight, because a lot of people

just heard it, just to let you know. Well, congratulations.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. The millions

of viewers that you have. Yeah,

45 listeners right now, buddy. Oh, wow.

Living the dream, baby. Are we on the

radio? Yeah, we're on a

ShotKast stream, dude. Wow.

Yeah, we're living the dream with my

46 listeners now. We just got one.

You see how good you are? You got me one more listener.

I appreciate it, man. Wow. Well,

let's see. What else can I do for

you to, uh, can I recommend

some songs or something, you know?

Nah, just, I gotta go

take a shit. Alright, well,

I hope that's a good, that's a good poo you take.

I hope so too, man. Yeah, I hope

it's one of those where you don't really have to wipe that much.

Well, you know, that can be, no, no,

I guess that's never a good part. No.

Alright, Jim, alright, Jim Ray, did you have a good

night there, buddy? You have a good night, or, uh,

uh, Carlos, right? Carlito.

Carlito, sorry. You have a

good night, Carlito, there in, uh, Guam.

Okay.

All right, Mad Hatter.

Peace out.

All right, White Power.

I don't know what the fuck that guy's deal is, man.

That came from Mad Man.

I don't know who the hell the Mad Hatter is.

I guess he's a Mad Man imposter or something, but...

It was kind of funny.

JimRage.com.

I got to take a look at that webpage real quick.

See what he was talking about.

Shit.

Oh, that wasn't that bad.

Times it now.

11.54.

We're only a few minutes away from the end of the world, apparently.

JimRage.com.

He's got a lot of blood on his website.

Something about Zombie Slayer.

Okay, I don't know what his deal is.

He's weird.

What a weird guy.

I do not recommend going to JimRage.com.

Okay.

Who can we call next, everybody?

Let's see.

Let me get the music going here.

It's too fucking quiet.

There we go.

Hobo Cookies.

We already called one of them.

Now we have enough.

No, no, no.

We've only had one of them, and that's the one we called.

Walmart Tire Lube Express.

Walmart Supercenter in Washington.

Eh, I guess we'll call Walmart.

What the hell?

It's always an

easy target.

Calling Pulse Pull.

Fuck you, Vic.

How may I help you?

Hey, how you doing?

I'm good.

I have a question.

Do you guys have a lost of pound over there?

Yes, we do.

It's a service desk.

I can transfer you up there.

Where exactly are you?

Oh, I'm in the fitting room.

This is my last quarter.

I hope you're not going to charge me for this.

Oh, I'm not really sure how that works. It shouldn't. I don't think it would.

It's not going to charge me another quarter to make the call?

Oh, well, um, I don't know.

Yeah, well, what do I do? Do you want to take my credit card number?

Um...

I have the receipt number here. Hello? Hello, ma'am?

I'm trying to think real fast, too, because...

Well, don't think too fast, then.

The only thing I can think of is...

I don't know. Can you maybe help me out? I have a question. I came in and, um...

Ma'am?

Yes?

Maybe you can... Who is this?

I'm Missy Andrew up at the fitting room.

Okay, do you have a scanner there or something? Can you look up this UPC? I need to know if you...

Yeah.

Can you help me out with my situation?

Yeah, I can do that.

I bought this in the car area and I put it inside my car and I don't know if I made a mistake. Hello?

Okay, do you have the number?

Here, okay, I'm going to read from the left all the way to the right, okay?

Yeah, okay.

Okay, it's 833-177-001-002.

Don't come up, idea.

What's that?

I can hear your brain working.

Okay.

What's the special in bakery?

You laugh too much.

I don't have it.

You don't have what?

Lemon powder?

Yes, that's it.

I put it inside the car.

Did you buy it here?

Yeah, I bought it down at the car area.

No.

I said my car was making noise out of the rear of it, and he said put this in the gas tank.

Okay.

Okay, but it's not starting now.

It is not starting.

Okay.

It said lemon something.

I don't know if that helps at all.

I don't know what.

Lemon powder here.

It was $24?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, so what do I do?

How do I get my car fixed?

I don't know, and unfortunately, the auto place is closed now.

What time is it?

It's 9 o'clock.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

Oh, no.

Where are you stuck at?

Oh, no.

Do you know what's going to happen?

What day is it?

It's Monday, the 5th.

The 5th?

Yeah.

And in three minutes?

Three minutes, 9 o'clock now, so I don't know.

Wrong.

I don't know how to help you.

I'm sorry.

Wrong.

You're so wrong.

You don't understand what's going to happen.

Oh, no, I don't.

Oh, man.

Man, Satan is coming tonight.

You need to help me get out of here.

Well, where are you stuck at?

I'm on the intersection.

Yeah.

Hey, women, you're all right, but I'm not going to do this any longer to you, okay?

Okay.

All right, bye.

Fuck, I was doing with that.

I had a plan, but I lost it.

I guess it is 666 right now.

Oh, my God, we're all still alive.

Did the world end already earlier today in Australia?

Wonder.

That's a good question, everybody.

It's midnight.

You know what that means.

It means it's time for me to go.

and I thank you all for joining me

with my impromptu show tonight

and we had a good time, we had some good pranks

we had some good talk

we had some good little bit of everything

but it's time for me to go now and I thank you all

40 something listeners tonight

46 right now, you all rock

be sure to visit madhouselive.com

again that's madhouselive.com

and pcradio.com

and do what Zolar said earlier

tonight and be sure to tell a friend

and get more involved with this thing

Don't be a goddamn stranger.

I was over the Canadians and that stuff.

And the Canadians are notorious for this.

Who called in tonight anyway?

I don't even remember.

Brandon Vegas, Jonathan, Zolar, and a Canadian twice in a row.

Thank you to Madman for running the chat room.

Thank you for Katie teaching us.

Thank you, Dr. Lego.

Be sure to listen tomorrow to Katie's talk, which should be on in theory.

And be sure to listen to when Katie might make an appearance.

And be sure to listen Thursday night to the Madhouse.

Madhouse again our homepages madhouse live.com Thursday at 10 p.m. Eastern

Standard Time and now we go now we go there we go

got it that time

and I love you all

I got your dirty laundry over here.

Dude, who is it?

Hold on.

On my face.

I want to have you on my face.

I don't want nobody else in my house.

I fucked up on one person right here, and that fucked up for the rest.

Can you stay in your car?

You like listening to me on the phone?

Yeah.

Calling me from block number.

I ain't no block number.

What you need to do is hang up, but I'm not going to hang up.

Look, hey, I heard your whole conversation.

Don't make me call the police.

Who called the police then?

Yeah, you know what's up.

Yeah, I got you.

I'm going to blackmail you.

Oh, I'm so scared.

damn mother. What? Your mother. You motherfucking nigger, how you like that, you piece of shit?

I'm not a fucking nigger. You nigger motherfucker. It's probably a nigger, man. What? Man, I'm

a motherfucking, this is a private goddamn phone. It's a white man that don't want to

hear from no goddamn niggers calling me in the fucking middle of the night. Listen, listen

boy, listen boy, listen boy. I'll show you a boy with a 12-gauge shotgun, motherfucker.

Look, let me just ask you real quick.

First of all, why don't you shut the hell up?

You, fuck you, fucking people.

You, fuck you, you stupid bitch.

Aloha.

Yeah, how you guys doing, man?

I'm staying in

Honolulu. I'm out of town

from the United States.

You know what I'm saying?

I like chicken.

Yes, sir.

Bring your chicken.

A to the K, yo.

A to the KFC.

Dip a wing in your pocket

and run it up to me.

Yeah, but I'm only one over here.

I cannot drop a chicken on you.

We would give you a couple hundred dollars, though.

Even though, guys.

I wish I was the governor.

Just pretend I'm sitting on you, okay?

No problem?

Okay.

I'm going to go.

Ah!

God!

Yeah.

Oh, I got to go.

Please do wash your hands.

Yeah.

Some kind of life you have where you have to do this stuff.

So this is a very interesting radio you have.

Very interesting radio thing if you have that, you know?

Because, like, that's, um, it just shows me that you have, like, nothing going.

No, I got plenty.

This is what we do, man.

I do this all the time.

This is what you do, like, you know what I mean?

Talk stupid.

Yeah, yeah.

Really, huh?

People actually listen to this shit.

Everybody listens to this shit, man.

Not everybody, because anybody with a half a brain that I know don't listen.

Anybody with a half a brain would listen to this show instead of eating your shitty-ass pizza.

How old are you?

Thirteen.

Yeah, fucking right.

You sound like you're fucking eighteen or nineteen.

I'm thirteen, I said.

Yeah, right.

Yes, I was born thirteen years ago, last Friday.

Mm-hmm.

I'm hanging up, and you better not call.

Do you have stripes in your underwear?

Do I have what?

Stripes in your underwear.

You are a sick fuck.

Come on, let me talk to your sister, man.

Be a pal.

No!

Have you ever seen your sister naked?

No!

Calls (18, 1 h 7 min of 2 h 14 min)

Transcript

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