2006-06-15 Show

following is an exclusive of

PCU Radio and

MadhouseLive.com

Hey everybody.

How about you but do but tonight everybody

thanks for listening. It's

Madhouse Live.

I need an echo effect. So when I

say Madhouse Live it's like it's Madhouse

Live or something like that. I gotta

work on it. Somebody write that down.

Somebody find something that'll make my voice

do something like an echo on here. That'd be great.

Yeah. So anyway, we're here tonight. I'm here tonight, at least.

By myself in the studio. Athena's in the other room.

I'm here by myself tonight, but I'm doing a show nonetheless, and we'll see how things go.

Hopefully things go better than they did last week, because last week wasn't that good,

and I ended up ending the show early and shit.

But here we are, nonetheless. Madhouse Radio.

No Andy tonight. Andy is still on vacation, I suppose you could say, in Illinois, in Chicago.

so he's not going to be on tonight

I believe he'll be calling in

at some point

I actually have to turn on the toll free line

for him to do that

he's in the chat room and listening

so hopefully we'll have Andy on the air

for a little bit soon

and we'll get an update on what's been up with him

and everything like that

other than that you can reach me

in the chat room as I said before

the chat room does exist tonight

it is in service

and you can go to kdkprankcalls.com

Again, that's kdkprankcalls.com.

You can also go to pcuradio.com, pcuradio as in Prank Call Underground, pcuradio.com.

That is the home page for where you're listening to me now, PCU Prank Call Underground Radio.

Also, you can visit madhouselive.com, and the appropriate links are there.

Madhouselive.com is the home page of the Madhouse, the show you're listening to right now.

And we're on here every Thursday night around 10 p.m. Eastern.

By 10 p.m. Eastern, I'm starting or something.

You can hear and everything like that.

So please do join the chat room.

The chat room is up and active.

KDK and Andy himself are in there.

And we got the dad.

And we got Earthdog.

And we got Poop, who's got finals tomorrow in science.

Big whoop.

Lonesome Losers in there.

Confirming numbers.

Confirming away.

Thank you, Lonesome.

Thank you very much.

Very appreciated.

The most underrated member of the PCU family here is Lonesome Loser, and he's very appreciated.

But still underrated.

Underappreciated.

Zolar.

Zolar, join in the chatroom.

Zolar from Zolar.com.

XYZolar.com.

Whatever the fuck it is.

Anyway, I'm not gonna...

Everybody else is appreciated.

I'm sorry.

Like they say in the Grammys, I didn't have enough time to thank everybody, but you know

who you are.

Nunu, Papa Jack, whatever.

Everybody who's in there, thank you for being in there.

There's D-Loke, of course, and Clone Homegrown, a good regular of the PCU.

And, yeah, this is the time where I'm ready to light a cigar,

and I can't because I don't have Andy to talk for a few minutes in the meantime.

I have to turn the toll-free line on is what I have to do.

Now, if you want to reach me on a messaging platform, an instant messenger,

we have plenty of options available for you.

You can let me know that you're listening.

You can let me know that the show sucks or is doing good or whatever it is you want to do.

If you want to submit a number for me to prank call, you can do so as well by hitting me up on AOL Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio.

Again, that's Madhouse Radio on AOL Instant Messenger.

If you're using Yahoo, you can also reach me at Madhouse PCU Radio.

Madhouse PCU Radio for Yahoo Instant Messenger users.

And if you use an MSN messenger, you can reach me at madhousepcuradio at hotmail.com.

And the toll-free line will be up and available shortly.

And there it is ringing anyway.

Hopefully this is Andy.

Hopefully it's not somebody else who just...

Apparently it is.

Andy, you're on the air.

Andy doesn't understand that it makes that noise when the phone picks up every time.

Andy's a little bit confused.

Andy, I did pick up on you.

Call back again.

Sir.

There he is again.

Let's see if we can catch him before he hangs up this time.

Andy, you're on the air.

What's up, man? How you doing?

What's up, Garlito?

Not much. How you doing, man?

Fantastic.

Great.

I'm really packing everything.

Good.

I'm not too smart.

I'm having a great time in Chicago.

You're visiting your family and everything?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Eating a lot?

Peers, though. My pants aren't fitting, so yeah.

Oh, really, man? You fell off the...

Yeah, I've been hanging out with the dead a lot.

Had a good time.

The dead's showing you a good time, huh?

Yeah.

Just today, actually, he got mad at me,

So he came and tried to do a drive-by at my house, but his power chair, his cord came out of the socket,

so he just pulled it up, you know, just like a block down the street.

I think he sprayed a Polish kid.

He got another one of his own kind? He got another Polish kid?

Yeah, he's retarded.

Yeah, he is. That's what they say.

So what's the neighborhood that you're staying in now?

Is it just over Chicago, a lot of Mexicans, or what kind of neighborhood?

What would you classify it as?

The majority, I guess it's slowly becoming Mexican and then Polish.

Mexican and Polish.

That's what we deal with around here.

You know, I love Mexicans because you can get like a burrito here for like $4.

Oh, nice.

There you go.

Yeah, they're like, you know, some of the best burritos in, you know, in the continental.

Okay, well, that's good.

It's got its advantages right there.

Those burritos are really good, and you get like a plate of rice and a burrito.

That's the hot shit right there.

Yeah.

You can't beat that.

That's not bad at all.

They got carnitas?

Yeah, I had carnitas.

Well, I had a pork burrito, and it wasn't, like, the same thing.

I was upset about that, but it was still good, but it was, like, a little, like...

Okay, that does make a difference.

That does make a difference.

So, you're coming back.

You'll be back on Tuesday.

You're going to be on the next show, probably.

Yeah, I'll probably be there next Thursday, and then I'm probably going to leave again.

Chalk is appearing, so then I'll be gone.

And then it'll be off and on after that, probably, right?

You'll be here...

Yeah, yeah, because I went to...

I was going to go to school up here, but then I decided not to go.

Good idea.

I think you heard...

That's my prerogative.

That's a good idea.

You going to go somewhere closer to town now or closer to here?

Yeah, that's probably what's going to happen.

Both in Nashville.

Yeah, right now I'm working on that.

I know everybody wants to know what I'm up to.

Oh, yeah.

I have a dynamic personality.

Definitely.

Everybody's all worried about what's going on.

Very concerned.

Concerned.

Well, it's good to hear everything's working out up there.

I mean, at least you get to spend some time with your family and shit.

It was a good show last week.

I don't know.

You see how important I'm doing?

You are.

You're very important.

I don't know what we're going to do.

You're going to be there for a week and you're leaving again.

I was hoping all week.

I was like, I hope Carlos Ludo has a shitty show so I can feel good about myself.

Oh, God.

Rest assured you can feel good about yourself because the last week is probably the second worst show I've ever had was a show last week.

What was the worst one?

Rappers On?

Yeah, we had the right Rappers On.

It was definitely the worst show.

Those guys are the greatest.

It's been erased from the archives.

You can't find a copy of that anywhere, I don't think.

That's a very rare item.

Maybe someone out there ripped it and has one copy.

The White Rappers Show?

Yeah, the White Rappers Show.

Those guys blow up and they...

ICP and Onyx.

ICP.

And Kid Rock.

And Ja Rule headlined it and the whole thing.

He's awesome, man.

If I go to that, I'll go.

Yeah, that's right.

You get the handicapped section and you'll be his caretaker.

I've noticed about being up north is everybody up here has real bad skin.

Well, yeah.

Is it raining?

What's the weather like up there?

It's not too bad.

It's been like drizzling.

Up here, they don't get much sunlight or anything.

I was walking down the street and people were coming up and just rubbing the side of my face.

And they're like, oh, it's like porcelain.

Loves it.

I'm not zitty.

Everybody around here is like Pockmark.

Really?

God up here.

Of course, you've been tanning, too.

Yeah, I'm a big, fat, leathery god.

Yeah, that's good, man.

You got that going for you.

And up here, the one good thing about it is there's a lot of yellow and light brown tail that you just don't see them for.

There's a lot of hot Asians, Chinese, and Japanese, and then there's really hot Indian girls.

I'm starting to appreciate it.

You know, except for the, they got, like, kind of big noses, and they got, like, uh, they all got raccoon eyes.

Other than that, some of them are real.

Big nose? I didn't know Asians had big noses.

Have, uh, Indians.

Oh, okay, I see what you're saying.

Okay, not the other one.

Yeah, we gotta make it the same.

The thing for Indians, like, that's what it is right there.

That was probably what I loved, yeah.

Indians, jump on their face, they shoot a bow and arrow at you.

And they put a dot on their head.

Oh, that's the other one.

Alright.

We're a machine, I don't know what you're really talking about.

Hey, you know what else I did?

I went to a...

Oh, yeah?

It pissed me off, too, because white people were working there, but now all the white people are gone, and they replace it with...

Okay.

That was the red man's revenge, because there used to be a lot of, like, white trash alcoholics.

We'd go play poker, you'd have a nice, like, white trash guy to be your dealer, and now it's like a machine.

How does a machine do that? Is this a machine that deals the cards and everything?

It's like a robot, but...

Oh, Jesus Christ, oh.

It's like Tomahawk.

It's like you don't, they don't have, um, a roulette table, all that stuff is all automatic.

It's all got, like, you know, it's quiet.

The only people there are people who bring you drinks so you can get fire water.

And it's free, as long as you're playing.

As long as you're playing, it's free.

It's all going to get outsourced.

Like a robotic dog.

Or one of those Asimo looking Honda.

The one robot that Honda makes, Asimo.

And you went to a Cubs game, I understand, too, huh?

How bad they lose.

That's not bad.

It's a good thing.

You're probably a good omen.

I think their record with me in attendance is, like, one and over.

That's horrible.

And the one game I saw them win was in Miami.

Really?

I'm bad luck.

So even, yeah, Brickley.

Beer, 15 ounce beer, 575, dude.

575 for a 16 ounce beer.

And they're walking around with the Budweiser.

I don't drink that St. Louis.

I don't support St. Louis at all, it's garbage.

Well, that's some shit.

So that's all you can get there is all Budweiser?

You can't get like a Heineken?

Well, yeah, Budweiser, you can get old.

Old style?

I had that before.

What the hell is old style?

I think it's a local brew.

It's a local micro brew from Chicago, only in Chicago.

It's not a micro, it's like a local, it's like the local equivalent to, like, Old English.

Oh, right.

So, like, at the Wrigley Field.

That's funny.

Yeah.

Yeah, so then you go there, and I used to, like, remember the girls at Wrigley being

real hot, but mostly, like, you know, there'd be, like, one out of, you see 20 girls, and

one would be cute.

Like, the ratio is way better.

Right.

Good, we got that.

And, like, the ones, you know, they're either, they're either, uh...

No in between.

I got, like, pockmarks and crevades.

Yeah.

Tweezers.

Yeah, well, Randy Dandy's making fun of the fact that the Cubs always lose.

Who's he a fan of?

Isn't he a fan of the Cardinals?

He always talks shit about the Cubs.

He's the Cardinals fan.

That's why I have character than anyone else.

That's what it does.

All right, man, so you're going to be back with us next week.

At least we know that, right?

Yeah, next Thursday will be my triumphant return.

I'll probably get some kind of great music to make, you know,

for that Mesa Odyssey, something like that.

Right.

And I'll walk in and say hello.

Okay, good deal.

Plan accordingly.

All right, well, yeah, have a good flight back and shit,

and let me know if you need a ride or something.

You said you're good, but you know what?

Go to the show and give the Dunkin' Donuts guy a call

because you missed him.

Yeah, we got his number, actually.

If you want someone to send it to me already,

we'll give him a call.

All right, peace out.

And that's Andy, everybody.

Andy, co-host of the show.

Just called in.

Good for Andy.

So he's having a good old time.

I wish I could visit family.

I'd have to go to Puerto Rico for that, probably.

It's the only family I've got.

They're all in Puerto Rico.

Said I'd have to go over there

in order to hang out with him.

But I digress.

We'll continue with the show.

there's like an echo here tonight man sorry everybody if you're hearing an echo i apologize

let me know in the chat room if that's so and uh andy's line is now open if you want to call in

you want to call us call me i'm just saying us you want to call me at 1-888-278-8509 again the

toll-free line here is 1-888-278-8509 that's we're new news saying that someone needs to look

Look at the DNAS log file.

It contains the answer.

If the YP messages say the server is banned, then it's banned.

Whatever you're saying.

I think they're trying to work on the Shoutcast problem.

We're not showing up on the Shoutcast stream.

And because of that, since we're not showing up in the Shoutcast searches, I mean,

on Shoutcast.com and via the WinApp Media Library,

since we're not showing up, we've had a loss of listeners, apparently.

At least that's what my theory is for our significant drop in listeners, let's call it.

So hopefully one day we can get that back.

I don't understand because I have a stream that I run on my own and it comes up just fine, but whatever.

So anyway, the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

And a quick shout-out to Mr. Sean Ward.

Sean Ward is in the chat room.

A rare appearance by the one, the only, Sean Ward.

How you doing?

Hello, brother.

Not much.

And the international Skype line, bringing the world together through Skype.

Okay, Tuck, what's up?

Now, let me understand.

Hey, man, what's going on?

So, this is Tuck.

What's up, Tuck?

I've got Tuck, and the dead, I think, is dialed.

I don't know where he is, but he passed out.

But somehow he dialed your number.

And we got this guy from England.

And we got Andy from China.

And I'm, of course, in Tennessee, and Dad is in Illinois, Chicago.

Hey, you're in Orlando.

Hey, imagine that.

Thanks for giving it up.

So, now, you've got a Chinese person.

Where's the Chinese person from exactly?

What province?

Ask her.

I'm asking her.

Lady?

Yeah.

What province in China are you from?

Canton, you know.

Canton.

Yeah.

Nice.

Is that the north or the south?

South.

Do you understand Mandarin Chinese?

Chinese? Of course. What's the major, which one is the biggest in China? Cantonese or

Mandarin? What's the biggest one? Maybe Mandarin. Mandarin is more important. Yeah, everybody

knows the Mandarin, but not all of them know the Cantonese. Okay, alright, so the people

in charge speak Mandarin, you'd say, right? Yeah. Okay, not bad. So what are your thoughts

on Tiananmen Square? What? What are your thoughts on Tiananmen Square? Of course. What do you

you have been there?

No, I've never,

not yet.

I plan to go there

one day,

but I have a thing

about visiting

communist countries,

but what are your

thoughts about what

happened in Tiananmen

Square in 1990?

1989?

88?

90?

When was it?

Yeah, you're not

allowed to talk

about it, probably.

They can't talk

about that shit, man.

Isn't that crazy?

They can't talk

about something like that?

They get their

phones gone, man.

They can talk about it.

They don't know

what's going on.

They can act like

nothing happened.

What about Taiwan?

How do you feel about it?

Do you think you

should own Taiwan?

Well, the UK guy, how are you doing?

I'm doing the same thing.

Apparently, there's a lot of talk about it.

Apparently, she's probably being taken away by the guards right now.

But, hey, thank you for listening from China.

I think we lost her.

Gandhi.

I'm back, I'm back.

Oh, okay.

Oh, now she comes back.

I don't know who was talking.

They take your papers and everything?

This is Carlito from Orlando, Florida.

Right, from the embassy. Anyway.

All right, so, UK guy, where exactly are you from in the UK?

Are you from Edmonton or something?

I'm from Scotland Forest in Scotland, near and near the net, if you know.

Okay, so you're from Scotland.

Forest.

Okay.

Hi.

Hi, okay.

Can't hear you at all.

That's great. And you learned about us how, through Skype or through what?

I know it's like...

Yeah, this is all connected through Skype somehow, yeah.

Okay, that's cool, that's cool, that's cool.

So be sure to tell a few friends.

We have a lot of people from over there, and we have one guy from Scotland.

I think we've got two people from England who listen regularly,

so we should have spread the word.

People like us.

How do you feel about the World Cup?

How's it working out so far for you?

Oh, it's all good.

Like, I mean, as long as English don't win, we're okay.

Okay.

So you're actually supporting the English team?

As long as they don't win, we are okay.

Anyone else except England.

Okay, well, good.

Good for you.

It's good to see that amnesty there between you people up there.

You know, you have your differences,

but at least you're coming together for a good cause, right?

Yeah, well, you know, we call it soccer here.

We don't worry about that, man.

It's okay.

We don't take it that seriously yet.

Not yet.

We're taking it every four years it gets a little more serious,

and then, you know, one day I think maybe we'll take it as seriously as you guys do,

but not yet.

I don't know what you're saying. The phone's breaking up a lot.

You're breaking up really, really badly, dude.

Something about Bush. Yeah, Bush is an asshole. I agree. That's probably what he's saying.

So, Tuck, what's the prognosis to you, Tuck, on you getting your computer fixed up back on the Internet?

Basically, last time I talked to you, it was about taking the new iMac to Memphis, and that's pretty much still the go.

So I have to, like, get that sort of taken care of.

I've got to, you know, I've got to do this thing and then make an appointment

and go down there and it's going to take, like, a day or two and all that school shit.

Yeah, I've just been doing art and working and doing stuff

and actually being productive without a computer.

It's awesome.

I'm actually getting stuff done.

Yeah, you're not as distracted now for sure, probably.

Right, exactly.

I don't like

gee I gotta check

my mic space

see what happened

the next hour

after

the hour before

last time I checked it

I don't have to worry

about that anymore

it's awesome

it's freedom man

freedom man

you know what I'm saying

yeah it's freedom

you know what

I've seriously thought

about maybe taking

a trip with Athena

and just like

leaving everything behind

leaving the cell phone

behind everything

and just

going away

take a sabbatical

for it all

even for just like

a day or two

that'd be nice

it's a good feeling

Yeah, just cleanse your soul for, like, a couple of days, man,

and come back, and you'd be amazed how refreshed you are

and, like, the new insights you will gain from that experience.

When you go on a cruise, it's like that.

When you go on a cruise, you don't have anything.

All you have is you still have TV.

You get a few channels on the old satellite TV on a cruise on the boat.

They give you, you know, one NBC, one ABC, one CBS station.

You know what I mean?

That's all you need.

Yeah, even still.

EPS and a couple of networks, and that's all you need.

Yeah.

Stop rolling up here in the 70s.

There's internet out there in the boat, but it's like probably like $5 a minute.

It's really expensive.

It's something really insane.

And you have no phone.

You have no cell phone working out in the ocean.

It's great.

It's a good feeling.

Very good feeling.

I have to check my email up at Kinko's, and I pay out of a nose just to do that.

It's crazy.

It's sad.

It's unfortunate, man.

Well, hey, hopefully one day we'll get this all straightened out.

You'll be back and working order.

Yeah, we will.

Well, dude, we'll get it all back, and you're not going to look into getting the satellite hooked up,

and it'll be all good and everything, and I'll be able to set up and stream and get the Skype and Gizmo going.

It'll be good.

Hopefully the damn day comes when, you know, satellite, Internet, or just like wide, what do they call it,

wide area network, WAN, whatever, not wide, it's something called, whenever broadband is available,

you know really you know pretty much anywhere you can get a satellite phone

to work that's that when that date maybe like 20 years from now 10 15 years you

never know maybe it'll hopefully it'll come soon maybe more like five I'm

thinking to be more like five well because I definitely buy it say 8 yeah

by the time we get it if I could go anywhere I want and use my laptop and

connect to the internet just to check my email be awesome and not to worry about

what can it is, a wireless network, and this and that.

It's in Europe.

That's why it's in Europe.

You just fucking take your laptop.

All CDs are wireless anyway.

You just fucking open your laptop, that's it.

That's awesome.

Some cities, they charge you usually for free.

Like, depends where you are.

If you're the citizen of this city, you get it for free.

If you're a tourist, you have to pay.

Here in Orlando, they offer it free for about a five-block radius.

You can get it for free by the city in downtown.

That's about all you can get.

Yeah, I mean, it's a small city, too.

I don't know how it works in other cities, yeah.

I'm from a small city.

I don't know how much.

I mean, they have Wi-Fi that's five-mile radius, Wi-Fi signal.

That's good.

Five-mile radius is like eight kilometers or something.

Yeah, I don't get the kilometer.

How many kilometers in a mile?

It's five miles.

It's 1.6 about.

All right.

1.6 kilometers is a mile, pretty much.

Well, good.

Well, hey, this has been a great call.

Well, Tuck, thank you for bringing this to us.

Thank you again, our representative.

The dead is over somewhere, but I don't know where the hell he is.

But he's the one who actually dialed your number.

Is he okay?

We just went and sent him over here on Skype, and he dialed your number, and boom, there you are.

Did he pass out?

And I don't know where the hell he is.

His mom's been over here talking Russian and all kinds of shit to people.

All right.

All night long.

Okay.

And I'd like to thank the lady from the People's Republic of China.

Thank you very much for if you're there guys. Do you feel that can be you couldn't do yeah?

I'm sorry. I thought I'd go to back to school. Okay. I think okay. Thank you on this. Yeah, okay?

See you later. Bye lady. Hey, oh, hi konichiwa or whatever you say that's Japanese

Oh, no, oh hey Carly. I sent a call

Through your to your email the other day. I'm not be got or not. Hey. I got the email. I never downloaded

I'll download it now. I'll play it for everybody. How's that sound okay? Yeah, okay?

Okay, DaDad, if you're there, thank you.

That's a little call he made.

DaDad, if you're there, thank you, man.

Later.

All right, Tuck, we'll catch you later.

All right, man.

All right, and Guy from England, thank you.

Okay, love.

All right, much love.

Thank you, sir.

Bye, everybody.

Right.

And that was multiple people brought to you by DaDad, hosted by Tuck.

From all over the world, that's awesome.

How super is that?

I need to get an international phone card because I really enjoyed it when we were calling Australia and Britain on this show,

and we haven't done it for a while.

Sean Warren in the chatroom says, I got to hear my shout-out because I had to run back in the house for a minute.

Well, that's awesome.

Good for you.

You got your shit in order.

Earthduck says he put an old Chinese man next to call on MySpace.

Next to Michael.

Oh, he put an old Chinese man next to Sean Ward's call on MySpace.

That's funny.

I had to look at that picture.

Oh, yeah.

The MySpace page, by the way, for PCU is myspace.com forward slash PCU radio.

Again, that's myspace.com forward slash PC radio.

The toll-free line is now open.

If you want to call and be on the air, you can dial 1-888-278-8509.

Again, the toll-free line here is 1-888-278-8509.

Be tuned.

Be called and be tuned.

And I invite you all to call in.

So, yeah, hopefully we get this whole shoutcasting worked out soon.

Not to be a pass, but, I mean, let me just explain how important

the shout uh the shout cat shout cast listing is if you guys remember those uh pcu regulars here

when we had the whole split last year between uh ted and kdk with the original pcu network and

again taken over by uh ted not taken over but yeah they decided to part ways and and in that

case the old pcu stream was retained um by ted to make his p unit prank unit radio which eventually

died and failed and uh kdk got his own independent stream and it started off with

maybe as many listeners as we get now and it started growing and growing um thanks in part

to new people finding the stream thanks to the shoutcast uh listing on shoutcast.com and the

search results i believe at least that's how that's how people continuously find the show

new people unless they get it by word of mouth by someone who's already listening so it to me it's

an important thing but i can't control things like this and hopefully we get this worked out

i will do anything i can to work it out jesus god you're on the air am i yes you are what's up

sean good to know yes it is how you doing sean fantastic thumbs up all the way yeah thumbs up

all around i got three thumbs up here for you sean oh right on yeah you know that means what's

going down it's just me here by myself you know just talking some shit yeah seeing what's up how

How you been? How's everything over there in Canada?

It's fantastic. It's rolling. It's rolling.

Tomorrow I've got a gig playing live in the studio at Toronto's New Rock radio station.

Oh, what a coincidence.

Which is going to be very funny, being that I'm a rap act.

What a coincidence. I'll be in Toronto tomorrow.

Oh, will you?

Yeah.

Come by the Edge 102 studios and catch the show tomorrow at 9 p.m.

So that's a rock station, but you're going to be doing rap on there?

That's right.

That's awesome. It's going to really go well, Sean.

I'm sorry, that kind of crowd. Normally, I don't know.

You know what you're doing. I'm sure you do.

Well, the crowd that's going to be there in the studio is going to be my crowd,

so we're going to blow their minds.

That's all that matters.

But my rap music is very rock-tinged, so, you know, it works.

So, Sean, Terrorists in Toronto, tell me about it.

Well, yeah, you see, I was talking to these guys,

and they promised they wouldn't, and then they were going to,

but then they didn't get to, which is good,

and really that's all there is to say about it.

No, in all seriousness, I don't know nothing about it.

I heard that they busted a terrorist cell,

and I heard through the grapevine that that had happened,

and that's the most that I know about it.

All right, so you're not that concerned about it is what you're trying to say, right?

I am not at all concerned about it.

Okay, because over here they have you think everybody in Toronto and Canada is all freaked out about it.

It's like another pseudo 9-11.

It's not really that.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, I know.

Because that's how your media needs to sell it.

Yeah, exactly.

They want to get done.

Yeah, it's about this.

Our media just loves a story like that.

Yeah, they'll run with it, baby.

Well, yeah, the Canadians, I mean, we're very different people.

You know, we're very much just like, you know, what, am I going to fucking have my life disrupted

because, you know, this other thing that's beyond my control may or may not happen?

Like, fuck.

Yeah, that's right.

If that's my destiny to go that way, then fuck it.

What am I going to do about it?

Yeah, that's right.

You can't let the terrorists win.

That's what they want.

That's right.

That's what they would say down here, at least.

Yeah, man.

All right.

Have you noticed all these movies that are starting to come out to try to paint a different

picture of what's going on over there?

What do you mean?

Like what?

There's a movie coming out called The War Tapes,

and it's like a documentary that was taped on digital camera by soldiers in Iraq.

Okay, really?

And there's this other movie coming out called Road to Guantanamo

that's about these two British dudes that were mistaken for terrorists

and were thrown in Guantanamo Bay Prison.

I heard about the story.

You also have Al Gore's documentary that's out right now,

The Inconvenient Truth Movie, which isn't quite specifically about that,

but it's still sort of, you know, it's very politically minded.

It's going.

Athena.

Hey, Athena.

Are you reading the same book with the same title?

Are you even awake?

What's Al Gore's book that you're reading right now that we were looking at the other day?

An Inconvenient Truth.

Yeah, Athena's been reading the book, actually.

She picked it up a few weeks ago.

Oh, cool.

Yeah, yeah.

And there's a movie right now some friends of mine have seen, and they said it's very chilling.

Really?

That's good.

I was going to have to check that out.

Yeah.

Well, you'd better, or else.

Or else I'll suffer the consequences.

You know what?

Your Sean Ward Electric Comics freak-out button that you gave me for the convention?

Yeah.

It went through the wash, and I was concerned, and I'm looking at it now, and it's just fine.

A little tinge of rust on the sides, but other than that, it made it through just fine.

It's a very well-made button.

Oh, good.

I'll pass that along to my button maker that they're doing a great job.

Yeah, let them know.

When people buy them from you, let them know that these have been through the wash and tested and everything, and they come out just fine.

They take abuse, man.

I will.

Maybe I'll get you to record a testimonial.

Yeah, yeah.

You have your website on here in really small print on the side.

That's hilarious.

I never saw that before.

Oh, shit.

Seanward.net.

It's right there on the side.

That's me.

Yeah, that's me.

And, you know, all you people listening on PC right now, you can listen.

You can go to that website, Seanward.net.

Seanward.net.

That's right.

Be sure to go there.

You can go to the MySpace.

MySpace.com slash Seanward.

Seanward.

And that's S-H.

That's how we do it.

That's S-H.

No, sorry.

S-E-A.

That ain't no goddamn S-H.

You were fucking with me.

That's S-E-A-N.

Ward.

W-A-R-D.

Dot net.

You know, if you do your first initial and your last name, it almost looks like it says S.W.O.R.D.

Yeah, in fact, that's why I used to say, when I was a teenager and I wanted to be a movie director,

I always said that my production company was going to be called S.W.O.R.D. Films.

Cool. That's awesome. S.W.O.R.D. Films.

And that was why, because S.W.O.R.D., you know, the whole thing.

Yeah. So what's up with Jen? Is that your lady friend, or is that just a friend?

No, Jen is my roommate.

Oh, she's your roommate.

Yeah, she occupies the room at the front of the house, and I occupy the room at the back of the house.

Okay.

Okay, don't you have a really small place, I thought, from our conversations?

What's that?

Don't you have a really small place that you live in?

Oh, no, no, I moved, like, to, like, the beginning of last month.

Oh, hell, I didn't know any of that.

May the 1st we moved in here.

Oh, wow.

Look at you moving on up.

And now we have a pretty big two-bedroom apartment with very, very high ceilings.

Wow, a penthouse.

Well, that's great.

Awesome.

Penthouse on the first floor.

You got it.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, I had the best time listening to your show.

We were on the road, Athena and I, driving on the way back to Orlando.

We were in a hotel, and we hooked up the laptop, and we heard you talking to George Takei,

and it was funny as hell, man.

It was a great night.

Well, I didn't really talk to him for too long.

I actually felt bad that I didn't have something better planned out,

because I think I only talked to him for a couple seconds.

Well, that was awesome nonetheless, man.

Well, you tell me it was good, then it was good.

It was.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

And I'm good at gauging this stuff.

Hey, you want to do a prank call now, speaking of which?

Well, did I have you on here, or are you out?

I'm always ready to do a prank call.

Right on.

Let me throw some topics at you.

I've got David Herman's Electric.

I also have Dunkin' Donuts, which you call that night also.

It's a crazy Arab motherfucker, as they call him.

He likes to yell.

Pinocchio Pan and Pizza.

I can keep going on here.

Mafia Mike's Pizza.

Let's call the pizza one the Pinocchio Pizza.

Pinocchio Pan Pizza.

No, Pinocchio Pan and Pizza.

Yeah, let's call it.

Okay, let's do that.

All right, and that's in New Jersey, if you care, no?

Oh, yeah, that's good to know.

Garwood, New Jersey.

This is a foreign guy who answered about 30 minutes ago.

So, let's do it. We'll be right back, everybody, with Sean Ward from SeanWard.net, and the next first prime call of the night. One moment.

How are you? I'd like to place an order, please, for Pinocchio Pizza.

What do you mean? Well, how?

We closed.

Why?

Well, listen, you're still there, right? Whatever it takes. I got money. I can pay it.

I know, but...

Sir?

Let me ask you one question here.

You still got them damn puppets in the back making the food?

I don't know.

Maybe they are back there.

I don't know.

They're a little wooden.

They're a little stiff in the demeanor.

But not you.

You wear your heart on your sleeve.

You wear your emotions freely, right?

Listen, what time can I come in to pick up my pizza?

Tomorrow.

No, today.

11.

Today is not even 11 yet.

But we closed an hour ago.

You just said you closed at 11.

In the weekdays.

Weekdays, Friday.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, but I got to go.

Bye-bye.

What's wrong with you?

I want to ask that guy.

Who's speaking?

Sir?

Who's speaking?

This is Carl.

Yes, my name is Carl.

I'm talking to you.

Why did you ask for my client's name for?

Hello, sir.

Okay, I close on that.

We're with the firmness of Lillian Lillian Taylor, sir.

Okay, bye-bye.

Okay.

Sir?

That's all we had to say.

Yeah, man.

I got to transfer that file to you, man.

That's your show from when you were over here.

I've got that.

I've got the file from the show that you did here on that Sunday night before you flew out, before you missed your flight.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

That's your call. That's your show, I'm saying. I've got a copy of it if you want it.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

Alright, let me call Tarzan Jump.

Do you want to hold on while I do a prank call real quick?

Please enter the number you wish to call.

Okay, this is Tarzan Jump.

Am I talking or are you talking?

I'll talk. Jump in if you want.

Haha, jump. Get it. Tarzan. Any second now.

Yeah, that's a good Bill Cosby.

I used to do the perfect Bill Cosby, and I lost it.

I went through puberty and...

Did you watch the House of Cosby's cartoons?

Yeah.

No, I do a good Fat Albert, so imagine that.

But I used to do a good Bill Cosby until, like, maybe five years ago.

I lost it.

I forgot how to do it, and I can never do it again.

And I've tried.

Yeah.

I've got to watch some Cosby shows.

I don't actually do Bill Cosby.

I just do the House of Cosby cartoon, Theo.

Really?

Do you?

There was a Cosby cartoon, like the Cosby Show cartoon?

No, there's a cartoon some guy on the Internet made,

and it's called House of Cosby's.

Oh, okay.

You never heard of it?

No, never heard of it.

Should I have?

Okay, well, here's the deal.

This dude, he made four episodes of it

before Bill Cosby's lawyers threatened to sue him.

And the premise of the show was that

this guy who was a big Bill Cosby fan

found one of Bill Cosby's hairs

and so he built a cloning machine

so he could clone and have his own Bill Cosby.

But he couldn't stop at one,

so he kept cloning them.

And every tenth one had superpowers

and then every 100th one was evil.

And so it's just this big house full of all these Cosby clones, hence House of Cosby's.

Okay, I get it. I get it.

And so it was only four episodes because by the time he got that far into it, they threatened to sue him.

You know, Bill Cosby, he's always suing people left and right and talking up a mess.

You know, he really lost his sense of humor about stuff.

You know what I mean?

I mean, he's got a really short fuse when it comes to black people and people using his stuff.

I don't know. I don't understand what the guy's problem is.

He's angry, apparently.

Well, I wonder how much of it is him and how much of it is his handlers and his lawyers going,

Hey, Bill, come on, come on, let me write to this guy.

Come on, Bill, you don't want that guy saying that.

Come on, Bill, come on, Bill, be a pal.

Yeah, he's old as sin.

He's going to be in his 70s now or something like that.

I really don't think he found that on his own.

I'm not sure it was a handler or something like that.

No, I mean, somebody like Bill Cosby, I mean, they've got people.

The lawyers, just to write that letter is probably a few thousand dollars.

It took them probably an hour to draft the letter and send it.

so that's like a few thousand dollars for an hour's work so these he's probably got these

lawyers who are just like got bill cosby and a couple of other big clients like that and they

just spend all day looking for who to write letters to and who to sue and shit like that

because that's how they eat that's how they get paid by bill cosby yeah they probably just come

up and say hey by the way i noticed this guy is doing this thing on the internet oh you gotta go

down there and tell them no and whatever and bill might not even know about it's entirely

reasonable that bill might not even know nothing about it it's just these these fucking lawyers

that just, like, you know, do what they do

and send them a bill every six months or something.

It's probably Felicia Rashad.

That's a good job, eh?

We should do that.

We should be entertainment lawyers.

Hey, we should.

Hell yeah.

You know, I met an entertainment lawyer once in a traffic school.

He was a pretty cool guy.

He was like, I'm an entertainment lawyer.

I'm like, what does that mean?

He's like, well, I represent musicians and blah, blah, blah.

I was like, well, that's kind of cool, man.

Good for you.

He was an interesting guy.

And then you kicked him in the balls, right?

Yeah, he was an old guy, too,

and he kept hitting on all the women in the class,

and then we all went to lunch.

We all did dinner together

and he was like flirting with the waitresses.

He was like some kind of rich old guy or something,

old lawyer.

Oh, jeez.

Yeah, he was such a cheapskate.

Last night I was playing a show in Kitchener,

which is sort of like one of the smaller cities

that's kind of an hour and a half out of Toronto.

Yeah.

And we were playing a show out there

and I've got my roommate, Jennica,

singing backup vocals for me

in the Sean Ward act, the rap act now.

Got a DJ too, but he couldn't come to this show.

So Jennica's at the show.

You know, she dresses to,

because she's going to be on stage,

she's dressing for the stage.

She's got this tiny little skirt on and these white leg warmers,

and there's this Scottish dude that's got to be 50.

Every 20 minutes, he's coming over to her.

Yeah, I'm so sexy in your white socks.

In your white socks?

And then he'd go drink some more,

and then he'd come compliment her on her white socks again.

He must have liked white socks.

I guess.

I like a nice naked leg and foot myself, Sean.

Well, she had a leg warmer on.

It wasn't a full sock.

Oh, okay.

I understand, but I like the look of a naked foot.

you know me me too i i love it all ah you heard it here for sean ward has a foot fetish everybody

breaking news breaking news everybody i got it on tape all right sean i was just agreeing with

you for the sake of being agreeable what have i walked into here nothing nothing at all we're

not going to incriminate you we only think high things of you sean ward.net everybody sean what's

going on exactly with with you right now are you doing the tv thing are you doing a music thing

how are things working out well it's going a lot of different ways i've got the deal as you know

And this is all on the DL, so I can speak with the PCU people,

but you can't really go beyond that.

We've got the deal, we're working on the pilot for the TV show,

and on the music end of things, I'm just writing new material,

performing it, getting the stage lineup set,

so that we can look at getting a record out in like 8 to 12 months.

Awesome.

And that's where it's all at.

And then another comic book will come out probably in the fall,

and that one will be full color.

and, yeah, there's lots and lots of things, fun things going on.

I guess Night Party promoted me to floor director,

so, you know, that's kind of nice

because I'm floor directing the number one late-night show in this country.

That's awesome.

And, yeah, just all kinds of crazy shit going on.

That's awesome, man.

Very good for you, and that's good experience

because, you know, they say you can't really go to school

to get your foot in the door as far as the entertainment industry is

and TV and stuff like that.

You actually just have to go out there and make yourself likable

and make people remember you.

Exactly.

Very well said, Sean.

It's always an honor having you on.

Thank you very much for entertaining us.

Well, thank you for having me on.

All right, keep me posted when your new comic book comes out.

Well, I'll let you move along with the show, and I'll be listening and do some more funny calls.

We'll do that shit.

All right, man.

We'll catch you later.

We'll be talking, man.

Take care, brother.

All right, peace out, my friend.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

SeanWard.net, everybody.

SeanWard.net.

SeanWard.net, home of Sean Ward.

Check out his comic book.

And he gives it high ratings.

I have it right here next to me somewhere.

I thought I had it next to me.

Yeah, here it is.

the sean ward electric comics freak out i have two copies autographed so i'm sure to check that

out sean says to my main homie carlito with many thanks for making florida the shit keep on

rocking and rolling slash sw and it says it right there okay let's go to the chat room real quick

and see what's going on let me play some music first thank you thank you everybody thank you

everybody for listening tonight beautiful crowd and there's 46 of you lending your ears to me

and i thank you very much 46 of you total 41 on pcu radio and five people on madhouse radio

excellent earth dot brings up to sean ward plug pcu on the rock station he says yeah for sure

we'll see if that happens a shout out to juke juke welcome to the chat room i see he's just

joined in welcome to you welcome to everybody who's uh tuning in to us uh for the first time

tonight be sure to visit madhouse live.com be sure to visit the chat room be sure to message

message me on Madhouse Radio on AOL Instant Messenger, turning my head towards that. Let's

see what I have, um, what do I have here? Smoothstone asks, how do I browse stations

through Winamp? You go to your media library, and then you go down to, uh, something. Online

services. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. If you're listening to me, you don't need

to browse anything until tomorrow. I'll tell you tomorrow. Poop in the chatroom has sent

me a bunch of numbers, and he's begging me to call somebody. I guess. I guess we can

can call one of his numbers he sent me jose ayala who apparently is a fat puerto rican guy who moved

here from puerto rico 94 just like me um we also have cut rate liquors and grocers in chicago

illinois where a crazy black woman answered we also have a number supposedly from the new black

panther party in houston texas we have an arthur sees in new jersey and we have uh chong ching who

apparently has been called plenty of times on here in pcu do we really want to go there guys

i think not we got an islamic center and mosque that's very pc we have the clay oven indian

restaurant we have gay male escorts jesus christ this guy jolly pirate donuts a lesbian world

andres cuban and puerto rican restaurant in california what the puerto rican in california

uh and blah blah blah i won't subject you guys anymore to this anyway he gives me a number to

to some place in new jersey where a guy with a turban always works there he is a fucking dot

head his words not mine his words not mine and again the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509

plenty of numbers from lonesome loser also here for us to get to a different world too where a

black woman answered a different world one of the shows that was created by a bill cosby phd

whatever he is himself he's a horse's ass i i just like people like bill cosby honestly i do he's

just shut up just shut up bill cosby shut your fucking mouth up people like him just piss me off

uh david he-man's electric hustler casino been a while since we called hustler casino it'll be the

first time we call hustler casino what the hell am i talking about okay well let's call hustler

casino now you know what before that we'll call one of poops number just to entertain him i'm

I'm sure it won't be too good, but we'll try it.

We'll call the cut rate liquors in Chicago, Illinois.

Right back after this, everybody.

200.

Hey, how you doing, yo?

What?

Yo, how you doing?

What?

How you doing, woman?

What?

How you doing?

You speak English?

Yeah, I speak English.

Yo, how you doing?

I'm fine.

Yo, you don't say hi when you answer the phone?

What?

Yo, smile a little bit for me on the phone, girl.

I like that.

Come on.

Yo, what time is y'all open until?

What time is y'all open until?

till what time is your opening till i said 12 30 12 30 what time is it now i lost my watch

what time is it now all right so i can come in there right now bye-bye then what kind of cold

beer are you got she can say bye-bye like that fucking hey i know you're listening just even

hang up the phone hang up the phone that's annoying anyway hang up on me baby well that

was a colossal failure um i'm being informed by nunu that's right that there is a feminist

Feminist Women's Studies Conference at the Oakland Marriott City Center in Oakland, California.

A Women's Studies Conference.

Feminist Women's Studies Conference.

Okay.

And he sent me, actually, information on some of the attendees.

Gwendolyn Mink, who is a professor of women's studies at Smith College.

Andrea O'Reilly, associate professor in the School of Women's Studies in New York.

What the hell?

Bantu Sub...

What the hell?

Now, someone's name is Banu Subramaniam,

and she's an associate professor of women's studies at University of Massachusetts in Amherst.

Jesus, God.

Accused them of using their credit for hotel porn and that they'll need to provide another credit card.

Well, hey, that's a good idea, buddy.

Let's try that right now.

Well, let's take this call.

Whatever.

Whatever you guys want.

Whatever you guys want me to do.

Go ahead.

You're on the air.

Yo, what's up, Essay?

Hey, what's up, Essay?

How you doing?

Not bad.

Who's this?

I'm not able to disclose that information right now.

Oh, whatever, man.

Anyway, what are you up to tonight?

I don't know.

Just chilling.

Just chilling?

Who's this Sean Ward person?

Sean Ward, he's this guy.

He's got a comic book, and he does a show on here sometimes,

and he's just calling in to say hi.

He's a good guy.

He's a funny guy, and he's a socialist.

What else can I say?

No, no, but, like, I swear I've heard his name, like, somewhere that's not on PCU.

He does voiceovers for Fox Kids, you know, the cartoons.

He's the guy that does the voices like, back on Fox Kids, like that.

You know, he does that.

But maybe that's where you heard him before.

Oh.

Yeah.

He's a famous guy, man.

He's very, very famous.

Sean Ward.

When has he done the show?

He does the Sunday nights.

He doesn't do it every week because he's a busy guy.

He's either in New York filming more audio stuff or he has a rap album and stuff.

stuff, so he does a comic book also. He does a lot of things, man. He's on a TV show even,

and so when he can do a show, he does it on Sunday nights. Yeah.

Fun way to make a living.

It is a fun way to make a living. He used to be a telemarketer. He was a manager at

a telemarketing firm, and he got busted for stealing phone numbers and selling them, and

that's how he got into the prank calls.

I wonder how much money he got off that.

Not much, actually, is what he told me. It wasn't worth it, he said, in the end, but

Now he's got a comic book going, and it gave him more peace of mind.

Wow.

Right.

I don't know.

Who would he sell them to?

What would you sell them to?

Other businesses, you know, other telemarketers.

Oh, man.

Say we do a call, and we're going to click for Jesus.

Well, who is this first?

Are you in the chat room, or are you just listening for the first time?

Oh, yeah, it's BMR.

Oh, BMR.

Then why don't you just say you're BMR?

Why do you got to be all baggy and stuff?

What?

Jeez.

Is this the first time you call in a show?

You never called my show before, right?

No, I did a long time ago.

Oh, okay.

All right.

We never did a call.

I don't remember when you did.

Hey, we got Yosemite Sam's.

Wow.

Isn't that awesome?

What else do we have here?

Let's see, let's see, let's see.

We need like an old white lady.

An old white lady?

I got a woman.

We got a guy who answered, said his name was Mitch or Rich or Bitch.

We got a woman who answered in California.

We got a girl named Sierra that answered at a restaurant.

We got a no, I'll call it restaurant.

We got a black woman who answered at a casino.

Yeah, that's who we're calling.

That's who it is.

on Bob Hope Drive, the Agua Caliente Casino, the hot water casino.

You're going to start it off.

We're going to say that her boyfriend stole drug money and act like he did.

Okay, I'm not going to say that anybody stole any drug money

because I'm not about to get arrested for that or get into trouble.

That's kind of crazy.

You want me to tell them that?

What now?

Now, you've got to be legit.

What would you, if I were to put you in a spot right now,

what would you ask the black lady at the casino?

Okay.

No clue.

You have no clue.

All right, well, let me try.

Let me see what I can do, and feel free to jump in if you can.

How's that sound?

Okay.

All right.

Sounds like a plan.

All right, everybody, hang on.

BMR's on the line, and Carlito, and we're going to do a prank call.

We'll be right back after.

Is this the casino?

Okay, I was just in there.

The agua?

Yeah, the hot waters.

Okay, I want to know if I come in, how many blackjack tables you got?

What can I say to someone that can answer?

Oh, cool.

For more cash?

This is Brent.

Hey, Brian.

How you doing?

Good.

Look, I want to ask you a question.

How many blackjack tables you got right now open?

Right now?

Yeah, right now, man.

I think we have open tonight to 15.

15?

Well, look, I have asked a question for you.

You know, I want my own private table.

What does that take?

You what?

I want my own private table.

What does that take, man?

Well, first of all, we only set up a private table for our known players.

Well, I'm known.

I'm known. I'm known all over the galaxy.

You're lit.

I'm known all over the country. You know who I am?

Oh, no.

I'm Eddie Garcia, yo.

Do you have a player's card with us?

I absolutely do.

God, our face is coming to help you.

I absolutely do, sir.

Okay, yeah. Yeah, we do private tables.

I'm kind of weird. I can only have, first of all, a woman with blonde hair for a dealer.

No, sir. I'm sorry. I can't help you.

Well, can you at least guarantee me this, that the man who is the dealer will wash his hands before he does the dealing?

Do

you have the policy you have to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom?

Well, of course.

Okay, because I have this thing about, I want fresh cars, too, you know?

I don't want dirty cars that everyone's been touching, you know?

They got germs.

I don't play like that, man.

But I don't play with dirty cars, you know what I mean?

Oh, okay, man.

I try to bring my own cars once, and they kick me out.

They say this and that.

Are you trying to cheat?

I say, look, I'm not cheating, okay?

If I'm going to go be cheating, I go to the bathroom, right?

You know what I mean?

Okay.

Okay, so new deck of cars, and I need a clean person, you know?

I don't want any cologne or perfume around the table.

Okay, sir, I can't guarantee anything like that at all.

But it's nasty, yo.

It's nasty, all those people touching it, you know?

Why you don't, can you wipe it down the table, you know, with maybe some Listerine or something?

I'm sorry, sir, I can't help you.

Yo, but why you so dirty?

Are you still there, BMR?

I guess not.

We lost BMR.

We're late.

How about that?

I guess maybe I did hang up on him.

I didn't mean to.

But if I did, I'm sorry.

Sorry about that, young guy.

Young man.

Sorry about that, young man.

So that was BMR.

And that was my prank call to the Agua Caliente Casino.

The Agua Caliente Casino.

A different world, too.

Now, wonder what they do at a different world, too.

Huh.

That's in Pasadena, California, too.

Maybe that's the movie that's coming out.

I don't know.

Constantine says, read my MSN message.

And he says, how are you doing a show?

Yes.

Phone for my stoner friend.

His name is Chris, and he smokes Helloweed.

And his number is 555 blah, blah, blah, blah.

And, uh, yeah.

James Nefarius has sent in a number for a lady working at JK Market

who wouldn't sell him any beer.

Well, that's fucked up, man.

man. That's racist. That's

racist. That's racialist,

man. We need to call this conference

though. Let's try to get a hold of this hotel

for Nunu, since it

is late for him right now. It is

past his curfew time. Let's see

if I can get a hold of somebody there for him.

Grab back, everybody, with the next prank

call of the night to the

feminist conference.

Good evening, Oakland Marriott. May I

service how may I speak to you? Yes, I need to

speak to Ms. Andrea O'Reilly, please.

Okay. How do you spell the last name?

O-R-E-I-L-L-Y.

E-R-L-L-Y?

Yes.

Apostrophe.

Don't forget the apostrophe.

Unfortunately, I cannot pull that name up.

Did you put the apostrophe in?

We don't take apostrophes.

How does she check in?

I don't understand.

I try O-R-Z-M-R-O-B-E-R-T.

Yeah.

E.

That's her last name, right?

Yeah.

What's the first name?

Andrea.

No, we don't have that first name.

But you're not putting in the apostrophe.

Sir, when I put in apostrophe, you don't take apostrophe.

Just try it for me, please. Just try it.

I did.

Are you lying to me?

No, sir.

What does it say on the computer now?

Nothing. No name.

Oh, you see? You didn't even look for it, and you admit it.

I did. It did not pull up that name.

I'm going to lose my job.

How about Ms. Mink? Is Ms. Mink there?

M-I-N-K?

M-I-M-K?

N like November K.

No.

M like mother, I like spaghetti, N like Robert, K like Samantha.

You look like that?

No such person.

How are you?

Okay, can we try this again?

With the apostrophe this time and mink?

Do you have someone that maybe speaks English that knows how to type?

One moment.

Hello.

Yes, sir.

Hello, how are you doing?

I'm fine, thank you, sir.

I was wondering if you could help me.

The lady who was just talking to you was rather rude and was refusing to help me.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

I need to speak to the professor, and I can't really get a hold of her.

I was wondering if maybe you could look her up, see if you can transfer me to her, please.

Yes, may I have the person's last name, sir?

It's O apostrophe R, okay? You understand?

Yes, O, O as in ostrich, R as in rose.

O as in hotel, apostrophe as in apostrophe, R like in spoon, okay?

Sir, one moment, sir.

Thank you for calling to print out. This is Vanessa speaking.

Vanessa, hi. Can you help me connect to the professor, please?

Professor who?

Professor O'Reilly. Would you like me to spell that for you?

Okay, yeah. Hold on one moment, okay? Let me just go to a terminal one moment.

Okay, Vanessa.

Spell that for me, please.

Okay, O as in hotel, apostrophe as in apostrophe, R as in spoon, E as in belt, I as in little, L as in Larry.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Can we repeat that one more time?

I can't quite hear you.

Okay.

We have an O.

Uh-huh.

Okay, then an apostrophe.

Uh-huh.

Okay, then an R as in spoon.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

I'm sorry?

R as in spoon.

R?

Yes, as in spoon.

You just said R.

R as in spoon.

Sir?

We are, you know, we would much appreciate if you please help us with finding the guest

that you'd like to look.

Okay.

Miss O'Reilly.

You know?

No. She's the wife of Bill O'Reilly. How can you not find her?

She's not staying in the hotel.

She told me to call. She's appearing in the conference and she told me to call.

I don't understand. Do you know how to spell spoon?

Yes, I do.

Spell it for me.

You have a lot of guests in front of me, sir, that need some assistance.

Well, put me on conference call with one of the guests. Maybe she's there or something.

Sir?

Yeah?

I believe that you are just wasting our time.

Ma'am, I really think Ms. O'Reilly is actually there in line right now.

Now, can you just ask for Ms. O'Reilly, please?

Sure, I'm going to hang up the phone now.

It would just mean the world to me.

Please.

Okay, thank you.

Just make it your pleasure.

It is for me.

Car is in spoon.

What a fool.

She bought that.

I got away with that for a while.

That was pretty funny.

Sorry, Nunu, but none of those people appearing at that conference

apparently are staying at that hotel.

That really only worked once for us, and it was a really good once.

Star Trek picking technology.

What the hell is that?

Lonesome Losers confirmed a number for a Star Trek

pigging technology

in Texas, and they just answered

there, I have no idea what that

means, I mean that's just sick

Star Trek pigging, in the chat

room people are commenting that I was

saying O was in Hotel, and R is in Spoon

um, I called

him, she called me on the R, yeah she did

call me on the R, Clone Homegrown, very good

very, very good, R is

in Spoon, okay, I'm glad everybody

enjoyed that, a little applause for me

How about that?

Great.

I love to stroke my ego, everybody.

Time is at 11.32.

All right, we have enough time for one more prank call before the break.

Let's call Star Trek Pigging Technology.

Be right back after this.

Hello, Casey.

Hi, is this the Pigging Technology?

Yeah.

Okay.

I was interested in a bit of your pigging technology.

I'm really into porking.

But now it's not available time.

Where is this phone call from?

Myself?

Are you in the U.S.?

Yes, I'm in San Francisco at the Yards.

Oh, no, it's 10, half past 10 p.m.

Oh, that's fine. We can still talk about porking. It's okay. I like your, I like your job.

Yeah, can you leave me, leave your telephone number to me?

I will, I will ask a manager to call you back tomorrow.

Okay, well, can you explain just really quick to me before I leave my phone number,

and what kind of painting do you guys do? From behind or from the front?

Pardon me?

Is it from behind or from the front that you guys do it?

Okay, anyway, you can call again tomorrow.

No, no, but anyway, you can answer me now.

Come on.

I don't know what the hell that's all about.

The hell is the Star Trek pigging technology shit?

Fuck.

Fucking bullshit.

Bullshit, all that.

I say bullshit to all that.

Madman joining us in the chat room.

Checking in for the remainder of the show, he says.

Madman runs our chat room.

And the chat room is at kdkprankcalls.com.

Again, the chat room is at kdkprankcalls.com.

You can also find it via pcuradio.com.

And be sure to check out madhouselive.com.

The toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

It's now 1135. It's Thursday, June the 15th.

I'm going to take a quick break.

Give me about five minutes, and I'll be back to do some more prank calls for you guys

before we head into the weekend unofficially, as I like to call it.

The unofficial start to the weekend is the Madhouse.

A little taste of what's coming up next.

We will be calling the Dunkin' Donuts, home of the fuck-you-bitch-motherfucker guy.

Fuck-you-bitch-motherfucker.

That guy right there again, that is.

Fuck-you-bitch-motherfucker.

I wonder if there's a website, fuck-you-bitch-motherfucker.com.

Fuck-you-bitch-motherfucker.com.

We'll have to check that out.

We'll be calling him next.

Right after the break, he's the first guy out.

We also have a Hustler Casino, which I'd like to call Hustler Casino in California.

I'd also like to see if they can call this a different world, too, in California, where a black woman answered.

And if you have any more suggestions, Lonesome Loser, keep confirming.

If you keep me in business, I'll keep doing stuff.

And, yeah, go to the chat room.

Also, feel free to hit me up at Madhouse Radio if you're using AOL Instant Messenger.

Again, that's Madhouse Radio.

And we're going to take our break now, so stop bothering me.

And after I come back from the break, I expect to have a few people call in, so don't forget me.

For the time being, I've got to go take a piss.

We'll be right back after this, everybody.

MadhouseLive.com

It's too doggone late.

Testify.

I look at that for the day I die.

For more Madhouse, right after this.

Don't tell me 5,000 people are coming in.

Hey, everybody.

Welcome back to the show.

it's uh 11 42 p.m eastern standard time you're listening to the madhouse on a uh 15th of a june

in a year 2006 on a thursday night we're doing our thing leading you into your friday leading

you into your end of the week as we do every week here on pc radio you know how we do that's what

the kids say you know what i'm just realizing hey thena this is my birthday show isn't it

I realized that, everybody, my birthday is next week.

And let me toot my own horn.

I'm going to be 27 years old.

I'm like, I'm such an old, old, old man.

I'm going to die.

I'm going to die of diabetes.

27 years old, everybody.

Next Tuesday I'll be turning or something.

When the hell is my birthday?

Monday or Tuesday?

Tuesday.

And then when we're going out?

Wednesday.

Wednesday we're going to see Dave Chappelle in Orlando.

Athena has brought me an excellent birthday present.

She's so in tune with me that she knew that Dave Chappelle was going to be in town,

and she figured it would be a great gift idea, and sure enough, she can't keep a secret,

but she told me, and hell yeah, I've got that to look forward to next week.

I'm going to be seeing the man himself, Dave Chappelle, in concert in Orlando Live.

That's awesome.

Thank you, by the way.

I love you.

She says, I love you, too.

Lonesome Loser says that apparently the Star Trek picking technology company is for laying pipelines.

I don't get it.

how do you get laying pipeline by calling your company star trek pigging technology

i really don't get it earth duck says i should have some weed to smoke and yes i do i do have

some weed to smoke i'm trying to fix hey fina can you get my poker from over there if you don't

mind thank you i left the uh i've got a dirty bowl i gotta clean it out before i continue with the uh

with the smoking thank you very much and thank you to andy for saying i'm gonna have a happy

Happy fat birthday.

Isn't that nice of him, baby?

He's such a great friend.

And Madman, of course, also says happy birthday.

So, great.

And the phone's ringing.

Who could it be?

We're playing Earthdog's song that he sent in.

Scott.

Hey, you're on the air.

I got the wrong number.

No, you're fine, man.

How you doing?

What's up, ref?

Not much.

What's up?

Clone homegrown, I presume, right?

Yes.

Good deal, man.

Happy 27th.

Yeah.

27, man.

I can't believe it.

27 years old, man.

How old are you? You're 27, too, right? Or 26?

No, I'm 28.

You're 28? Okay, so you've been here before.

What's 27 like? What do I have to look forward to or not?

Just make sure that you up your arm every time you go to wipe your ass.

Okay, all right, all right.

Because it starts getting old in the joints.

Okay, I've got to be careful with the old hip, too.

Yeah, the hip's a big bad thing.

Yeah, it starts cracking.

You have to replace that at a young age.

I want to say, yeah, I want to keep that for the 40s for sure.

Yeah, you at least want to save it until you're 83.

There you go. Good old man voice. That's awesome, man. Look at you.

Thank you, Sonny.

Yeah. So where's my bong head, man?

Hang on, hang on.

All right. Thank you very much. It wouldn't be the same without that, man.

And my cell phone's going off.

Oh, it was work. Tired of that shit, man. Tired of work. You know what I mean? Do you work?

I'm about to. Start Monday.

You're going to start Monday? Okay.

I do.

You're going to be a chef?

Huh?

You're going to be a chef, a cook? What are you going to do? Are we allowed to know?

Electrician.

Electrician? Nice. There you go. Nice.

Good luck, anyway.

Yeah, well, that's awesome.

Good for you, man.

Good for you.

I know somebody who started his own business, so that's good.

You've been an electrician?

You've been doing electrical work for a while?

I needed to help her.

You've been doing electrical work for a while, or this is your first time out?

No, I've done it before.

Okay, good deal.

Good deal.

And how's the old lady treating you?

She's all right.

That's good.

She was pissing you last week, wasn't she?

Uh.

Man, that was six days ago, man.

What are you talking about, man?

Well, it's awesome to hear from you, dude.

I was going to ask you something about Texas, man.

And that fucking, the R starts with a spoon, which is hilarious, dude.

Yeah? You like that?

Yeah.

R's and a spoon.

I thought about doing that for a while.

She finally called you on it, though.

Yeah, I went through three people, and they finally figured it out.

Yeah, I know.

That was some crazy shit.

Yeah, man.

I honestly thought about doing that in the past, and I thought it wouldn't be funny,

and I said, what the hell, tonight I did it.

Hey, it worked out pretty well.

That might be a new thing.

Watch out for that, man.

It reminds me of calling Walmart and going through every department.

There you go.

I haven't called Walmart in a while.

I just get put on hold for so long, though.

It doesn't work for the show.

I'd have to do it, you know, in the off time and record it and cut it up.

Yeah.

Because if not, you sit here.

It's a good time.

If I'm having a slow show, I might do it, waste some time.

It's a good idea.

You want to do a prank?

Let's do that.

Hell yeah, let's do that.

Let me tell you what I got here.

And Lonesome Loser's saying happy birthday.

Thank you, man.

I've got a convenience store named Smacks.

And I have...

Oh, it's a convenience store?

Yeah, it's called Smacks Convenience Store in Omaha, Nebraska.

We also have a place called Better Than Naked.

It's like custom shirts and hats, apparently, that they make there.

And we still have that different role, too.

I have no idea what that is.

And we've got a few restaurants.

We've got a Fat Tuesday at Friday's.

We've got a casino here, if you want to call me.

Fat Tuesday?

All right, we can do that.

See how that works out.

All right, let me hook that up.

Praying on everybody.

We've got Clone Homegrown coming through with a prank call for us in just a second.

We'll be right back.

Like I said today, St. Louis is the home of the 190 octane.

Join us this week every day starting at 5 p.m.

with great drinks.

I just got to answer the phones.

What's got to happen?

Damn it.

Anyway, I tried, dude.

You know what else can I say?

Well, thanks for calling as always.

I'll expect to hear from you next week.

Have a good one.

All right.

All right, old man.

Take care now.

Peace.

All right, peace, man.

Clone Homegrown from the chat room, everybody.

Cloned.

Clone Grown.

This is CloneHomegrown.com.

And you can check out his bio and his pictures.

He has nice pictures.

Very well-made pictures.

Yes.

And, yeah, man, 27 years old.

What can I say?

Poop is asking about suck a pit bull's dick.

Whatever that's all about.

Whatever you want to say, dude.

Whatever floats your boat, whatever melts your butter, man, we'll play for you tonight.

I'm surprised you're not begging for racist music tonight like you normally do.

And I probably just started it right now.

Okay, I don't know why we had a drum roll there, but we did.

Let's play some music.

How about that?

Okay.

much better let's keep going let's keep going let's keep going lonesome loser has sent in

uh numbers as i said butt naked entertainment where a black guy answered we also have better

than naked we said before we also have that smacks convenience store what else is going on

over here okay constantina sent me a number for his stoner friend we also have that available

uh bmr is out of the picture earth ducks and uh earth ducks into a song that's right and i didn't

play it my bad we get that for everybody because i'm sure we're excited i'll play that in a second

earth dog don't worry don't you worry dude figure out who i'm gonna call different world two we're

right back with that call in just a second everybody hang on a different world to help you

hey how you doing i'm fine how are you it's good who did you want to speak with i wanted to speak

to the uh the sin bath oh yeah the wrong number is this a different world too yes but who do you

you want to speak with do you guys cut hair there uh-huh the barber's not here he's gone for the

evening is there do you cut woman's hair uh-huh yeah do you shaving there do we what what kind

of service you have massages huh do you have the massage no uh-uh where's where's the different

world one what did it burn down on the riots bye i'm sorry we can't help you but i love you

don't hang up bye i love you please she doesn't love me she doesn't love me athena is that okay

Are you okay with you?

Are you asleep, bitch?

Back to the show.

The music keeps repeating itself.

I don't know why.

I don't know what to tell you all.

What else can we do?

That was a different world, too.

Psycho City Tattooing.

Lancaster, California.

Go, city.

Hey, is this the tattoo place?

This is the tattoo place.

Until when is it open?

Until 10.

Until 10?

What time is it now?

It's probably like 9.

Let me see.

Okay.

Yeah, it's like 8.49.

When's the last time you checked that?

When's the last time you checked that clock, man?

When's it calibrated last?

When was the last time I was, man?

I can't hear you.

When's the last time you calibrated your clock?

Calibrated what?

When you, the last time you calibrated your clock.

My clock?

Yeah, the one you just read.

Oh, man, I don't even know.

I'm late everywhere.

I don't usually use that much.

Oh, but no, I don't want to, I don't want y'all to close the doors.

I'm always late, too, you know?

I'm lazy.

Mm-hmm.

And I lose jobs after a week.

And I keep all mine.

You keep all your women?

Yep, most of them.

What about your men?

Nah, I ain't into that.

I'm not either.

either. I'm just saying if you did, it's okay. You can tell me. It's cool, man, if you want

some of mine. No, no. Yeah, you got some women you can hook me up with. What do you want?

I don't know. You got anything in the Asian range? No, not really. I did it in high school,

though. Oh, yeah? Well, that's good. Good for you. You got that yellow fever in high

school, huh? Yeah, I agree. That messed up. Hey, man, how clean are the needles, man?

I don't want any dirty needles if I'm going down there. Dude, man, we autoclaved everything.

through. It was sterile. Do you wash your hands, too? I wash my hands more than anybody.

How many showers do you take a day? Two. Two? Yeah. Would you consider maybe taking a third

one before I got tattooed and all? If we had a shower here, maybe. No, but, you know, just

when you first come into your shift and, you know, you take your shower and everything

and you purify yourself with, you know, the incense and, you know. Oh, like, yeah. You

take some golden seal in the morning. My chakras and stuff like that? No, no, just

the morning and stuff and some fiber the day before and clean yourself out you know you clean

yourself out nice and quick and then and then that yeah man i'll consider it when you coming in a few

hours man we're gonna be out of here in a couple hours just wait man wait for me i'll make it worth

your time man what do you gotta do wait what time are you staying up until tonight you going out to

the bar yeah we're open till 10 you're open till 10 but what are you what else you got going on

tonight though yourself tonight yeah um you got an old lady to go back to oh yeah oh you do yeah

Yeah, man, she's picking me up.

Where's she taking you to, Olive Garden?

No, man, we eat high quality.

We go down, like, down below.

Red Lobster?

Oh, you're going down there?

Yeah.

You're going down there to eat?

Yep.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

How's she good at that?

She pays me good money.

All right, well, she pays you money?

Yep.

Well, that's good.

That's good.

You must be very talented, man.

Yeah, I've been practicing since, like, eighth grade.

Eighth grade?

Yep.

Wow, you like that fishy smell, huh?

Nah, dude, you put a Jolly Rancher in your mouth, you're straight.

Apple Jolly Rancher?

It don't matter.

What's your favorite Jolly Rancher when you're going down south?

Watermelon.

Watermelon?

No, man.

Watermelon's the nastiest Jolly Rancher of them all.

Dude, but down there it don't matter.

As long as it ain't like halibut, you're straight.

Halibut.

You know this one time I did that and the Jolly Rancher got stuck up in the hair and melted?

Oh, dude, that's why there's no hair.

Yeah, but you can't always control that.

That's why you pick them better.

I don't know.

Maybe you could teach me.

I don't know.

Yeah, dude.

Lessons are free for the first week.

Well, let's do that, Shay. You know, I'll go buy you some drinks, and you show me how, and we'll touch each other and everything.

Uh, no, I ain't down for that. Remember the whole, like, no guys conversation?

No, but I thought maybe I could try. I thought maybe, you know, I could try.

Nah, you ain't got enough money to buy me that many drinks.

I've got a lot of money.

There's not enough alcohol in Lancaster.

We're not gonna use alcohol.

We're not gonna be using alcohol?

We're gonna drink ethanol.

I don't even know what that is, but it does sound nice.

It's the hot shit now.

It's hard?

Is that what the cool kids drink?

No, it's what the new cars are taking, but it fucks you up pretty good, too, man.

Oh, all right.

I got an Ethanol Mercedes.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, man, it gets 42 miles.

That's enough of a line right there.

You use that, and you don't, like, well, not for me, but for, like, other guys, that might work.

Hey, man, 42 miles to the gallon, man.

Does that turn you on?

You like that?

Not yet.

Not yet, come on.

You got spinners on it?

I'm working on it.

Get the rims, man.

I don't like the spinners, man. They waste a lot of gas.

Ah, alright.

I don't keep anything in there except for my...

I've got my driver's license, my passport's in there,

and fucking the owner's manual's in there, and that's about it.

You just keep a light?

Yeah, and I keep a strawberry blunt in there, and that's it.

That's all I need.

Nice, nice.

Yeah, that's all you gotta roll.

Nice and easy, you waste less gas, and the cops don't give you shit, man.

Yeah.

So let's do that. Come on, let's just do the sex thing.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

It's just a mild lady getting mad at me.

Well, what areas will you not tattoo on me?

So we just know going into this.

Oh, I ain't even a tattoo artist.

You're not a tattoo artist?

What are you?

Do you just answer the phone?

Do you clean the floors?

No, I'm a piercer.

Oh, you pierce?

Mm-hmm.

Wow, man.

How many piercings you got yourself?

Right now?

Yeah.

I'm about 13.

13?

Uh-huh.

Well, you know what they say about the skinny chef, right?

Oh, I don't even got that done.

I don't know, man.

That's not a lot.

13, that's pussy shit, man.

Yeah.

It must not be that good.

Probably not.

You need all the bells and whistles and shit.

All right, well, I think I'm making you fall asleep.

Yeah, man, I'm sorry.

I got customers anyways.

All right, well, you tell your customers thank you for being on the air.

Thank you for being on the air too, man.

All right, Azul.

That was the piercer.

That was Zolar, everybody.

Zolar.

Zolar the piercer.

Zolar pierces people, apparently.

I don't know what that's all about.

Zolar sends me a number to Tara and says don't mention him.

Okay.

Okay. Your secret is good with me.

Here he is now, anyway.

Radio, going to y'all.

Hello, this is Zolarski. Can you hear me?

Hey, what's up, Zolarski? How you doing, man?

I just walked away from the phone.

I left it on automatic redial, and I was going to go fucking take a leak.

And then, of course, it hits me with the other guys off the phone.

Time to talk to Carlito, fucking ring.

Of course. That's awesome.

That's awesome. So how's your week been, man?

Definitely a fucking business, bro.

I just called to say happy birthday.

Oh, you're an ass. Yeah, well, thank you. You're an ass for saying that.

Thank you very much, Zolar. Thank you very much. It's not my birthday yet, but it will be soon.

Yeah, well, it'll be mine, too.

Well, good. Well, happy birthday. You're a Cancer, then, I assume.

Well, actually, I was born on the cusp between Gemini and Cancer.

Well, me, too.

Get out of here. What day?

6-20.

No, dude, you can't. That's not the cusp. 6-21 is the cusp.

Oh, bullshit. I'm a cusp, man. I'm enough of a cusp.

Dude, you go look in the newspaper. You're two local newspapers.

One time they're saying the 21st of June is cancer, and one time they're saying it's

Gemini.

Yeah.

Whatever.

I read it as a customer.

I got this big book at Barnes & Noble.

My birthday's cooler than yours.

Whatever, because you're crazy.

Well, you're splitting the three, a cancer, then the two Geminis, or whatever.

I don't buy the...

Right, right.

Yeah, so you're the 21st.

Well, that's awesome, man.

Good for you, man.

That's great.

That is good.

We're still alive.

We're healthy.

Life is grand for me.

I'm happy

I'm happy for you

What do you got going on

For your birthday man

I'm going to see Dave Chappelle

What are you doing huh

Actually I don't think

I've you know

Been let on to any plans

My girl fortunately

Or maybe unfortunately

In my case

Is able to keep a secret

Oh really

That's good

Yeah my girl can

She got it

I got the tickets

I'm like man

Where's the surprise in that

You know

I like the surprise

Yeah I'm just like your girl

I'm totally like Fina

Like I can't hold a secret

Like if I get something

From my girl

Bro I can't hold on to it

For more than like

Maybe an hour or two

Yeah

It drives me crazy

Because I'm good at

Keeping the secret

And she'll beg me

Like if it's a birthday

Or Christmas or something

The whole month before

She's asking me

You know

Every second

What did you get me for Christmas

What did you get me for my birthday

Blah blah blah

It's like you know

She finally purses it out of me

And I don't like that

I like to have a surprise

Then I

Then I end up

Then I have to end up

Getting something else

So that there is

Some kind of surprise

And then in the end

I end up going to the dollar store

And picking up a

A candle holder

And that's the only surprise I get

because everything else I've had to tell her.

Well, isn't that dollar store great, though?

They got all kinds of shit.

Like, if you need, like, fucking a hairbrush, they got it.

Yeah.

You know, here's...

You need shampoo.

They got a whole big half gallon of it for a dollar.

Yeah, and there's nothing...

You know, for me, here's the thing I go...

I go to the dollar store for toilet paper

because, to be honest with you, you know,

I don't put that much effort

and get that much use out of toilet paper

except for what's the function?

To wipe your ass, right?

I'm going to pay the cheapest I can for that, you know,

As long as it's not that sandpaper Scott towel stuff, you know what I mean?

I don't see a problem with going and spending a dollar on a roll of toilet paper or three or whatever.

I get like three for a dollar, and it's comfortable toilet paper, and that's it.

I don't need to go out and get the best toilet paper out there.

I don't spend that much time wiping my ass every day that I have to get the Cadillac of toilet paper.

Stuff like that, I get my...

Well, I agree with you on the toilet paper.

I couldn't care less what the quality is.

It's only for getting the shit off my anus.

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly, and I'm the same way about shaving cream.

But on the other hand, altogether, I make sure I have baby wipes with me, like at my house on the toilet bowl, there's baby wipes, so I only wipe myself to get the bulk of the shit off, and then I use a baby wipe to make it clean back there.

Oh, that's really clean, you know, I thought about doing that, but I thought it was gay.

No, yeah, I might be gay, I do a lot of gay things.

Well, it's metrosexual, I guess, you could say it's metro or something, I guess, you know, I've thought about it, I've thought about it, but I was afraid of what people would say if they came in my place and saw a thing of baby wipes on top of my toilet, and they'd be like, well, what is it?

Well, let me put it to you this way.

Say me and you are walking down the street, right?

All right.

Okay, say it.

Me and you are walking down the street, right?

Anyway, and you trip over something and fall down onto the floor,

and your hand goes in a pile of shit.

Oh.

Right?

Now, I just hand you a clean handkerchief, cloth,

and I say, here you go, and you wipe all the bulk of it off.

Is your hand clean?

No, it's not clean.

It's still got shit on it.

If I pull out a baby wipe and say to you, would you like to use this,

would you use it?

Well, hell yeah, it'll get it clean.

Right, and it would clean that hand that was primarily full of shit, right?

A lot better than just rubbing it with a shitty handkerchief.

Right, so why would you just let your ass be wiped, you know, with a fucking towel or a piece of paper or something?

You know the residue is still there.

You're just taking off as much as you possibly can.

It's best to clean your hole out properly.

That's right, you got a point.

I use wool on my asshole.

My girl goes down and licks my balls and sniffs around a little bit,

And then, of course, she tries to put her tongue in my ass sometimes.

If it doesn't smell good, she doesn't do the blowjob anymore.

Really?

Oh, she's like that now?

Yeah.

Oh, dude, man, if she smells I'm a little funky down there, she'll tell me, you know what?

Go take a shower.

I'll be inside.

Oh, really?

So you got her used to that, man.

You got to, you see?

You got to get her out of that habit.

You definitely got to.

I kind of like it because I don't want to kiss, you know, anything dirty.

So I would rather me be clean, too, especially if she's going to be down there.

Yeah.

So you kiss afterwards?

You don't have a problem with that?

Well, no.

Initially, you know what I do?

I've always conquered that.

What I do is I immediately, like, you know, go for the big hug and quick kiss and, like, how great it was.

And I love you.

Oh, my God, I've got to run to the bathroom.

And then I jump up and I go to the bathroom.

I do my thing.

I wait around five minutes.

And then, of course, by the time I get out, she's dying to go in the bathroom.

And she rushes right in and she cleans all up.

And then it's another of the after kids.

Okay.

Very good.

So that's how you do it, kids out there.

That's exactly how you do it.

And that's how you wipe your ass now.

Now, see, you learned two things on Carlito fucking Madhouse tonight.

Right, how to wipe your ass and how to get out of kissing your girl after she goes down on you.

Yeah, go for the big hug where, like, you know, you're looking behind her,

or, you know, you got your face shoved in the pillow,

and you just tell her, oh, my God, how great that felt,

and talk shit for about, like, maybe 10 to 15 seconds,

and say, oh, my God, let me run to the bathroom.

And then you run into the bathroom like you got to pee real bad,

and then you do what you got to do in there.

Good.

Clean up.

Good idea.

Good advice.

Hey, you want to do a prank call before we go, or you want to just...

Yeah, yeah. That's initially why I called, other than to say happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to me. Thank you so much.

What's the matter? You have nothing to talk to me about?

No, we have plenty to talk about. You're coming back in the fall, I see you're spreading around the word, huh?

Yeah, totally, man. I'm going to be coming back right after summer's over in the fall when it starts to, you know, feel a little cooler out and I'll be home more often.

Not that I'm not home now, but I'll be willing to do a show then.

Okay.

And did you hear the big news on KDK's show last night?

You know what? I missed it. I had to go to sleep early last night. What happened? What did I miss?

Well, KDK fucking authored up his skills to go on to the Howard Stern show and fuck Siobhan.

Oh, the eye fucking thing?

No, no, no. That was done by somebody else.

Okay.

They didn't even let the guy do it. They told him to get...

Siobhan is the transsexual. She had her penis turned into a vagina.

gyna. Ooh, okay. So, oh, so, okay. He's going to do like the missionary style with a transsexual

then? Missionary, you know, doggy, whatever, man, the fucking whole nine yards. He's going

to bang the shit out of it. And, okay. I mean, is he, how sure are we that he's going to

get in? Are you putting in a good word for him or what's going to happen? Yeah, yeah.

I'm going to talk to Gary fucking on Monday because they called me up and told me, let's

talk about it. I want to make sure before we talk about it on the air that this guy's

definite and this and that and the other thing. And, uh, Monday we're going to have

have a little chit chat about the whole thing and arrange it okay that's awesome good man maybe

that'll get us a plug that katie is about to become famous everybody not only that but he's

gonna get to you know like he's gonna be on demand you know howard tv and he'll be able to

plug the website there and we're gonna have a lot of fucking people come crawling around at first so

we gotta start fucking i'm gonna start doing shows right away after his appearance and we're

all gonna have to step it up a little bit exactly hopefully we can get this shoutcast problem fixed

app, but there are rumors. I'm not aware of it. You're not aware of it? This is a problem.

It's hard to find the stream live as it is now. We're working on getting it fixed. KDK

is working on getting it fixed. Thank you, KDK. You're doing a great job, everybody.

Everybody. Zolar, you're doing a great job, too. How about that prank call? You ready?

Let's do it. Okay, let's do it. Let's see what I got here that came in recently. I've

got a tattoo parlor, and I got a place called Psycho Charlie's. That's what I have recently.

Did you just talk to a tattoo parlor? Yeah, that was Psycho City Tattooing. This is Psycho

clown tattoos in texas yeah all right cool yeah we can do that i got butt naked entertainment also

in california sherman oaks all right let's do that all right the black guy answered there

and we'll do that now hang on everybody zolar with a prank call we'll be right back after this

how y'all doing good how can i help you i'm looking to get me some work i'm gonna be in

town for a couple of weeks and uh i was hoping your facility would be able to put me up i need

to get some money oh no uh we we actually entertain women oh i see i could come down

there and give all you guys a blow job i'm sure you probably can but i really do believe that

you called her on that yeah but all you male dancers are faggots aren't you what's that i

said all you male dancers are faggots aren't you each and every one of us man how can you tell

have a good night best of luck to you how much how much cock can you get me right oh

what a bitch she hung up a black guy a black guy wears her butt naked entertainment imagine that

I couldn't imagine.

What's this roll coming to?

Yeah.

He probably doesn't have any kids.

Let me try him myself. Hang on here.

What's up, ladies, and thank you for calling B&E.

The party never stops.

All of our agents are on the phone right now taking care of booking,

so please leave a message.

Okay, that's pretty good.

Alright, Zolar. It didn't work out as planned.

We tried. You want to try one more?

What exactly do you mean it didn't work out as planned?

My fucking phone call killed.

Your call was good, but my call didn't work.

The guy didn't answer.

So how does that make it us?

Like, we failed.

I thought I did fucking perfectly.

You did perfectly.

Let me give you some applause.

All right, so in that case, I'll just fucking get off the phone while I'm batting a thousand.

You go back to doing fucking bad.

Oh, relax, relax.

Well, you had a weed or something?

What's wrong?

You only take me seriously.

No, I know.

I'm just kidding.

You had a weed, seriously?

Or are you doing plenty?

How's your knee, man?

What's up with that?

No, you know, what happened was the initial fall hurt my knee and my elbow,

but it turns out that as that heals, I have a bad back and neck problem.

Oh, man.

You got, oh, that's horrible.

I got a bad back myself, yeah.

Well, it's mostly in my neck, and it's making a lot of discomfort

because I can't really sit, I can't really stand, I can't lay down.

It's like, you know, you got to do intervals of those things.

Mm-hmm, gotcha.

But they gave me some really good drugs.

I'm taking this Oxycodone shit.

Oxycodone.

Some other crap called Cyrobenzaprine, and fucking, I feel pretty good,

and i'm smoking lots of pot i have that always cyclobenzaprine is good i got that myself actually

i don't know what it is though it's good some muscle muscle relaxing i believe i believe that's

what it is or something it relaxes something and it feels good so hell why not do it without it

the oxycontin that's the stuff i was telling you that that's that's hillbilly heroin that's some

powerful stuff if you snort it you gotta be careful with that though it's really addictive

i would recommend well it's only like steep pills in the bottle i'm not gonna get addicted off of

of doing it for a month.

I don't know.

I don't know, man.

I hear it's powerful stuff,

but regardless.

Well, I appreciate the beware

and let me tell you once again,

happy birthday

and I hope you and Dina

have a good time on the town

and I'll be speaking to you

sometime in the future,

my brother.

Right on.

We'll catch you here soon, man.

It's always a pleasure

talking to you.

Salaam alaikum.

Everybody check out

Zola Vision coming in the fall.

It's my birthday on the 21st,

so I'll do a Friday show

right after my birthday.

Oh, awesome.

You'll find out when

the Friday after the 21st

I will do a definite show

So next Friday then

A week from tomorrow

Watch out

Zolar Vision

Coming back for a

Special birthday edition

Zolar happy birthday

To you man

Thank you very much

To you as well

Alright peace out

Good night

White power

White power to Zolar

White power to everybody

And there it is

The ever controversial

Zolar Vision show

Will be back on

A week from tomorrow

Apparently you heard it

Here first

On the Madhouse

Madhouselive.com

Is the website

The last prank call

Of the night

Is coming up now

We're going to call

The Arab guy

The Dunkin Donuts

in Michigan. Our favorite Arab

motherfucker. This guy right here, as a matter

of fact. Fuck you, bitch, motherfucker.

That's the one, everybody. We're gonna

call him right now. We'll be right back after this. Hang on.

It's Jesse. Okay, and he's not

answering. So I tried to call him

again. Maybe I waited too long. Maybe

he just knows we call on Thursday nights. I don't

know what it is, everybody, but I didn't get

a hold of him. But hey, it's the end of the show.

Thank you, everybody who listened tonight. Thank you

for every... Thank you for everything.

Thank you all.

Thank you, everybody. Thank you every time.

this song again okay uh quick shout outs here of course be sure to listen tomorrow night to

something on the air perhaps dr lego will go on dr lego and his mental discrepancies

that'll be sometime tomorrow evening around 9 p.m eastern be sure to catch that hopefully

um other than that saturday nights at 10 p.m eastern is the flagship show of pcu radio that's

That's KDK's Lunatic Fringe, 10 p.m. Eastern, preceded by Joop's Monkey Phone's Retard Night on Saturday.

That's Saturday.

What else?

Sunday, perhaps, a Sean Ward appearance.

Sean Ward, who I called earlier tonight.

Sean Ward on Sunday nights, 9 p.m. Eastern, when he does a show.

And Tuesday nights is K-Bone's Crazy Talk at 10 p.m. Eastern.

And also, Wednesday nights, KDK does his Cycle Babble show at 10 p.m. Eastern as well.

So that's that.

Well then.

So as I said, we're going to call it a night here.

Everybody, be sure to visit madhouselive.com.

Be sure to visit kdkprankcalls.com and pcuradio.com.

Thanks to everybody who called in tonight.

We had Tuck and the Dead in some respects and two foreigners.

And we had, who the fuck else did we have?

Zolar called in.

We had Andy called in.

Thank you, Andy, for calling in.

We'll catch you here next week.

Be sure everybody to catch that.

Clone Homegrown and BMR and everybody else.

What else do we have going on?

Sean Ward called in.

Thank you, Sean Ward.

And a thank you to Lonesome Loser in the chat room who conferred many numbers for us tonight that we called.

Couldn't do it without you.

And, of course, thanks to Poop who sent in a number that we tried to call.

And everybody else who sent in numbers and whatnot.

Nunu, thank you very much for your help also.

You're probably sleeping by now.

But thank you, Nunu.

Nunu.

Big Nunu.

And that's going to call it for us.

We're going to be here next week again in full force.

Until then, I bid you adieu, assalamu alaikum, and peace out.

And I'll play Earthdog's song after this.

I got your dirty laundry.

I got your dirty laundry over here.

On my face.

Nobody else in my house.

One person right here and that person in the room.

Can't stay in your car.

Calling me from block number.

I didn't know a block number.

Hey, I heard your whole conversation.

Don't make me call the police.

Yeah, you know what's up.

I'm going to blackmail you.

I'm scared.

Turkey-ass motherfucker, what are you talking about?

Drive, turkey, you bitch.

You didn't hear about...

Drive, turkey, motherfucker.

Who are you talking to, Sean? What do you mean?

Man, you can show me a place where I'm about to go whoop some motherfuckers' ass

because I don't even know who the fuck you're talking about.

How much are you going to charge, you guy?

Take somebody over here to the taxi cab.

Man, this ain't no motherfucking taxi cab.

I'm going to come fucking pick somebody up.

I'm going to whoop their goddamn ass.

I kicked your ass, Sean, on the bed, you and your goddamn mother.

What?

Your mother.

You motherfucking nigger.

How you like that, you piece of shit?

I'm not a fucking nigger.

I'm a bitch.

You nigger motherfucker.

It's probably a nigger, man.

What?

Man, I'm a motherfucking sister private goddamn phone.

It's a white man that don't want to hear from no goddamn niggers calling me in the fucking

middle of the night.

Listen.

Listen, boy.

I'll show you a boy in a 12-gauge shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen, cracker.

You're gonna have three letters.

Listen here, cracker.

You got that?

Look, let me just ask you real quick.

First of all, why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you, you stupid bitch.

Are you ready?

I wish I was the governor.

Just pretend I'm sitting on you, okay?

No problem?

Okay.

I don't got to go.

Ah!

Yeah.

Oh, I got to go.

Please do wash your hands.

Yeah.

What kind of life do you have where you have to do this stuff?

So this is a very interesting radio you have.

Very interesting radio thing if you have that, you know?

Because, like, that's, um, it just shows me that you have, like, nothing going.

No, I got plenty.

This is what we do, man.

I do this all the time.

I get lots of votes.

This is what you do.

Still, like, you know what I mean?

Talk stupid.

Yeah, yeah.

Really, huh?

People actually listen to this shit.

Everybody listens to this shit.

Not everybody, because anybody with a half a brain that I know don't listen.

Anybody with a half a brain would listen to this show instead of eating your shitty-ass pizza.

How old are you?

Thirteen.

Yeah, fucking right.

You sound like you're fucking eighteen or nineteen.

Thirteen, I said.

Yeah, right.

Yes, I was born thirteen years ago, last Friday.

I'm hanging up, and you better not call.

Do you have stripes in your underwear?

Do I have what?

Stripes in your underwear.

You are a sick fuck.

Come on, let me talk to your sister, man.

Be a pal.

No!

Have you ever seen your sister naked?

No!

Calls (18, 45 min of 1 h 54 min)

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