2006-06-29 Show

The following is an exclusive of PCU Radio and MadHouseLive.com.

Flight controllers, listen up.

Give me a go, no, go for launch.

Booster.

Go.

Retro.

Go.

Vital.

Go, flight.

Guidance.

Guidance, go.

Surgeon.

Go, flight.

E-com.

We're go, flight.

GNC.

We're go.

Tell me.

Go.

Control.

Go, flight.

Procedures.

Go.

Inco.

Go.

FAO.

We are go.

Network.

Go.

Recovery.

Go.

Capcom.

We're GoFlight. Launch Control, this is Houston. We are going for launch.

Are you not entertained? Detain!

Is this not why you are here?

I know drug real from real real.

Chris, I take reals today.

First of all, um, won't you shut the hell, won't you shut the hell up?

You, fuck you, fucking piece of shit!

The baby is only a little crazy, like painters or composers or some of those men in Washington.

Squally!

Where Pascuale you at my bro?

You son of a bitch speak English America

Yeah you son of a bitch you motherfucking

I don't speak Spanish

No you speak English I see

You motherfucking

Motherfucker you

You bitch don't never

I punch you in the mouth

Mow my lawn

Why you so angry?

Where's Pascuale?

We still alive right now

We're not wrong.

Smoke weed every day.

It's on.

Good evening.

Can you hear yourself?

Me neither.

I kind of like it, though.

We're coming up, see?

You say something.

Hello, everybody.

Hey, we're coming in fine and good and dandy.

Hey, everybody.

It's Madhouse Radio, and you're listening to The Madhouse.

This is weird.

I can't hear closely to do this.

I actually sound professional tonight.

Well, hey, everybody.

Thanks for listening.

It's 10.15 p.m., and we're starting the show.

It's Thursday, June the 29th, and we're in here ready to do some pranks,

ready to do some talking, ready to shoot some shit.

this is for some reason this is really bothering me they can't hear me what about now oh see there

we go now i can hear myself you hear yourself better now yeah see great well thanks everybody

like i said before um we got news andy's here what's up andy i'm sorry what's going on everybody

andy andy's here andy is here and he's uh he's eating ice cream what do you have exactly i have

a nestle toll house cookie swirl eaties yeah are they like is it eaties what's the number of the

the other one. Edie's is the one that has Reese's Pieces

and all that. Yeah, you gotta try that

Reese's Pieces ice cream. You stare at it

in a diabetic coma and just dream?

Well, when I was in...

I had a denial that I was

diabetic for a few years at first

and I would get that.

I'd feel really bad the next day, too.

I went through a serious denial. I was like,

yeah, fuck it. Kind of like an African

with the AIDS, you know? Just kind of denies it

and keeps spreading it around.

Yeah, giving it to everybody. I was giving diabetes to

your mom and your dad. All the women I slept with.

Some guy's calling again.

This fucking baby gorilla's calling again.

Did you answer the phone?

No.

Oh, shit.

I think you did.

Someone did.

Hello?

Yeah, look.

I'm off.

Oh, shit.

Hello?

I think I hung up on you.

I think that was Reclute.

I'm sorry, Reclute, if we hung up on you.

Try calling back in a little bit, but yeah, we're going to be here taking your calls,

toll-free, 1-888-278-8509.

Again, the toll-free line here tonight, where you can reach us, is 1-888-278-8509.

Let's just answer it, for God's sake.

I can't even start the show right, because this is fucking...

Hello?

Hey.

Hey, Reckler, what's up, man?

What's going on, man?

Nothing.

You sound a little chipper.

What's up with you?

Yeah, what's so important that you're calling like crazy?

I don't know how to tell.

What's so important you're calling every three minutes?

What's that?

Nothing.

Great.

I thought you had a fucking show.

That's why I was calling.

Yeah, we're setting up, you know?

Okay, well, I'll give you some call back later.

No, you can talk quickly.

No, it's hard to get you on the phone.

Let's get this shit out of the way.

Yeah, because it's like, to get a hold of you is like going through,

you've got to go through Ticketmaster or something, man.

It's about these days.

It's fucking weird.

So you're busy in the studio?

Yeah, fucking.

Not at all?

I've been way too busy.

I need a fucking break.

Okay.

Take a vacation, man.

I just slammed out a metal demo that's been getting, like, tons of press and shit.

Not, like, international.

I've been doing good stuff, like, nationally, but it's like, I don't know.

I'm just trying to get business, but it's pretty good.

Okay.

What kind of metal is this?

Is it death metal?

It's like...

Glam death metal?

The band's name is Vicious Cycle.

Isn't that already a band?

It sounds like my relationship.

Isn't it?

What's the other one?

It's a MySpace, and it's...

Vicious Circle.

Perfect Circle.

Yeah, those names are kind of close together.

Yeah, Vicious Cycle, Perfect Circle.

That's what everybody says.

Call them Circle for some reason.

No, you don't have to do that.

Circle was yours.

They do a good job, though.

They like fucking...

Yeah, just, like, hard, like, newer metal shit.

You know, I'm glad I could get into it.

Okay.

Talked about Internet Broad here.

You got an Internet Broad?

What's up with Starlight?

She's out the window?

Uh, no comment.

Oh, man, really?

Out of the picture.

Sorry to hear that, man.

It's kind of fucked right now.

It's not my fault.

Did you bury her in the backyard or the woods?

Just, uh...

The woods is the correct answer.

Then at least you can always deny it wasn't me.

You need to chop her up in little pieces.

Yeah, wood chipper.

Stuff it down the drain.

That's how I do it.

Whatever.

I ain't saying a word.

All right.

So are you still getting paid in weed, man?

Is that what happened tonight?

You get paid today?

Is that what happened?

Is that why you're high?

Or is this just a negative thing?

I always get high.

Okay.

Good.

That was a dream.

I got a pretty balance where I can get high pretty much every day of the month.

Man, Rick, you got to do a show again.

Show these kids.

This guy, Clone Hunger, did a show Tuesday, and it didn't work out well.

Who was that?

Some guy.

You don't even know.

Some guy in the chat room.

He's a good friend of ours

He calls him

C-L-H-G

Yeah, C-H-G

I call him Chigga

And he tried to do a show Tuesday night

And he had technical difficulties

And had to cut it short

And a lot of people were saying

That they missed the days

When Reclude would come on

And rip it

And you seem to think

You did a bad job

And everybody seems to think

You did a good job

People still talk about it, man

Come back

Well, that's pretty good

Maybe I will

That sounds

Yeah, you should

Dude, man

Once I get my shit back together

I got a laptop now

So I could just do it

From a fucking coffee shop

I'll just be fucking

Sitting in a coffee shop

Talking shit to people

in real life too.

You're going to be

in a remote

all over Cleveland.

You'll be calling

from the airport one day,

calling from a rest stop.

That'd be a good show.

Andy,

we should set up a laptop

and do like a remote show

somewhere here in town.

Somewhere exotic.

That'd be badass, dude.

Fucking do it.

Like a public library.

Girls take their tops off

and shit or something.

Just do it from the mall.

Get away from the mall.

Andy's sick of it now.

Oh yeah,

I went to fucking New York City.

Did I tell you about that?

No.

No,

we supposedly had a deal

with these fucking,

these fucking,

what do you call them,

moolies?

No,

No, I'm just kidding.

Heard of them.

The fucking Whitney Houston's family.

I got hooked up with them.

They're fucking nuts.

Whitney Houston's family?

Yeah, they're fucked.

That sounds sick.

We went up there the week after she got caught with all that crack shit,

so needless to say, the deal was fucked.

Yeah, definitely.

So it didn't work out too well.

Yeah.

Like, the only people there were, like, family.

Like, no record people were there, because they were like, hell no.

Oh, really?

Well, that sucks, man.

So it was like, yeah, so they were fucked.

At least he got to go to New York.

What did you do up there? Did you go to, um, did you do anything special? Did you go to, like, Times Square and shit, or what's up?

I didn't get to go to shit, dude. I was working my ass off on trying to get those fuckers ready for their...

Some dumbasses were, like, alright, so there's this R&B group that we were trying to get ready.

They had good songs, and, like, nobody else could mix them, because they're fucking dumbass.

It's not that hard to mix R&B and rap.

Did you get to hang out with Bobby Brown?

Oh, fuck no. That motherfucker was... They were gone, dude.

Dude, they were all fucking just, it was in chaos, dude.

The family was fucked, dude.

Because it was, like, just the week before, like, I read the paper.

I was like, holy shit.

She was banging herself with sex toys.

Oh, in the bathroom, yeah.

She was locking herself up in the bathroom for days on end and shitting on herself.

And she ripped up the wall.

You could go and snort a cane coke with Bobby Brown.

And then, like, that'd be great.

You'd piss on girls.

Back of a squad car.

That was him, right?

Here in Orlando.

Ain't nobody comping around.

That's all the shit right there

I wanted to be on that show

I tell you what

I would have got to hang out with them

If those motherfuckers

If that shit wouldn't have broke like that

But it doesn't matter

There's other opportunities

I'm getting pretty good opportunities

Let me tell you though

Snort a coke off of Whitney's ass crack

Yeah that would have been great

Everybody's got gay lovers

You can tell your grandkids about that

Every female one

Like Dionne Warwick and their fucking Whitney Houston's mother as a gay lover

Really?

Yeah

Whenever you see a strong black personality, a.k.a., I mean, fucking Oprah, that broad's a dyke

Yeah, I believe you

That broad's hanging out with a gay male or whatever

Gay or something

It's a lover, that's no fucking

Yeah, I believe Matt Huckley, he knows what he's talking about

I think so too

I'm telling you, it's the same thing with those broads, it's gotta be the same with Oprah

I mean, I just saw some shit I can't unsee

Some nasty motherfuckers, I'll tell you.

What, is it her family?

Yeah, they're all fucking fucked in the head.

They're all like, just, like they just don't have morals.

Really, that's sick, huh?

Like, what it is, they all went to church, and I guess they all got blessed, and now they're all cursed.

Well, fuck it.

That's their problem.

Go ahead, Andy.

You want to do a call record while we have you in the line?

Oh, fuck yeah.

That's what we're here for.

All right, well, you have a choice.

Now, we can call England.

We have an international line set up tonight, or we can call the United States.

Right now in England we have a few hotels, it looks like, that are confirmed.

Oh, dude, let's try England.

That's interesting.

I don't think I'm...

I pranked in France, but I wasn't that good at France.

It didn't work out, so...

They don't speak English there, probably.

Yeah, I tried to do it in France.

I just had to say a couple curse words.

They got pissed, but, I mean, it wasn't that great of a prank.

Okay, well, here's what I got.

Let me rattle these off to you.

I got some funny prospects here.

You tell me what you're feeling.

I got Bino the Clown Children's Entertainers.

That's an old British guy answered in England.

We have Dave...

Bino the Clown.

We also have Dave K.

Isn't Bino those pills you take so you don't fart?

Isn't that, you know, they had a commercial with the Monks and they were taking that?

Those are pills?

I thought they were suppositories.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, so let's do that.

Come on, man.

That sounds like a great one.

All right.

Bino the Clown Children's Entertainers.

This is in London.

That sounds fucking great.

Okay.

I'm glad you agree.

And this is in London.

Yeah, Bino is, yeah, you're right.

Getting rid of gas.

Yeah.

Andy's put it up his ass.

I know, I put up a...

You can't shit either.

And you get prostate cancer.

That's when I had that operation.

Hey, let me put this out there.

Would you...

Here, if you could have the two things.

I'll make...

We can make it so you never fart ever again in your life.

The process, you'd have to get prostate cancer.

And I remember prostate cancer is like the most curable cancer out there.

Well, let me just say something.

Go ahead.

Okay.

That's always fun, the farting of the dog.

Because you're not talking on the phone.

That's so...

What about you, Recklude?

What would you do?

I just told everybody I like to fart.

I fucking just not deal with any of that cancer.

That's what I deal with.

What was your second choice?

Never fart.

Or you get...

If you...

In order not to fart...

I thought you were going to...

You said, would you rather this or then you're going to cover another one.

No, I was saying it wrong.

I was saying it wrong.

Would you trade...

Would you trade prostate cancer that you know can be cured?

Let's say if you were guaranteed that we could get it reversed, you just had to go through

the operation.

Well, what's the...

What do they give you in operation never to fart again?

What do they give you in operation that say you will never fart again after this operation?

What would you do?

But what if...

Okay.

A lot of times

I would fuck with it

Yeah a lot of times

You have to fart

Or else

You just die

Hypothize

It's a good thing

People are really

Impressive with it

Okay well

Let's do the prank call

Then right

Beano

The clown

Beano the clown

Yeah

He eats raw chicken

Yes

He eats raw chicken

That's nasty

He's a fucking vulture

That's why he farts

That's fine okay

Hang on everybody

The reclude with the

First prank call

Of the night

Alright let's give it a try

Yes sir

Yeah

Oh

Not gonna

For using Sprint

I'm a sucker clown.

Did you say anything?

We didn't get to say nothing.

He said hello, and you just sat there.

I didn't hear him.

You're so high, man.

What the hell was that about?

No, I swear to God, I didn't hear it.

He said hello, or you just sat here like, okay, he's regularly going to say anything.

No, I said hello.

Oh, you did?

Oh, okay.

All right.

Well, my bad.

I thought I heard you.

I did.

That's why I was trying to talk British to him.

You got me.

Okay.

You want to try the Elizabeth Hotel instead then?

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean.

For sure.

What time is it in Britain now?

What is this, a six hour difference?

It's like...

Holy shit, yeah, that's right.

It's like 4 a.m. or some shit.

That's probably why the guy is like, what the fuck, I'm here for some shit.

Talk dirty to him, but you want to call the Waldorf or the Elizabeth Hotel?

Let's call the Waldorf, fuck with him.

All right, the Waldorf it is.

Hang on, everybody, that call's coming now.

Not used to it.

Sorry it took so long, the other one was busy.

Where is this at, the Waldorf?

The Elizabeth in London.

Elizabeth Hotel, Miroslav speaking.

How can I help you?

Yeah, I need some help getting back to the goddamn hotel, buddy.

I'm over down at the Piccadilly fucking Circus at Circle.

So how can I help you?

Yeah, trying to get back to the fucking stand down there.

I need some help getting back.

Getting back to where?

Me and my wife are down there with these fucking kids.

We gotta get back to the hotel.

To Elizabeth Hotel.

What's that?

Elizabeth Hotel.

I know you're speaking, what are you speaking, Indian?

Excuse me?

Okay, I suppose it's a mistake because I don't speak nothing fucking, fucking, fucking, okay?

Well, hey, buddy, you need to calm it down or we'll come over and bomb you again.

Okay, so where are you?

We're down at the Piccadilly Circus.

You know, all them lights over at a restaurant over here.

You got a shuttle, come pick me up.

Okay, what's up, cop? Should I call you in here?

What are you trying to be? Trying to be funny?

Me and my fucking wife and kids come down here, you're going to call the police?

You're going to call one of them fucking big hats?

What are you gonna do? I can't arrest me.

What?

Talk to my ambassador. He'll have your ass in shit creek, buddy.

What room are you in?

I'm in the shuttle.

Tell me your room number, please.

2304. Right there on the second floor.

One more time. We have only two-digit numbers, so...

Oh, my ass.

Okay, so you call maybe another hotel, okay?

Now listen, you guys, where's your shuttle service going, Bob?

I can call for your service, if you want.

I can't ride a bike down here. You've got to send a shuttle.

Look up, okay?

Call me a cab?

Yeah? Is it all right?

Where the fuck do you come from?

You come from one of them towerhead bombing countries?

Where do you come from, buddy?

Why? Well, I don't know what's wrong with you.

I'm trying to talk to you.

I don't know what's wrong with you. You don't fucking speak English.

I thought this was an English-speaking country.

I know they speak a little crazy, but I don't know what the hell your problem is.

I don't know. How can I help you?

I don't know. Maybe you can go get me somebody who speaks English.

How about that?

That's how you can help me.

It's a good help.

Okay, so if I'm asking you for what's your room number, you don't know your room number

because you're telling me three-digit numbers, and it's not here.

I'm not telling you three-digit numbers.

You call me a fucking liar?

You call me, get me your manager right now.

You got a manager there, you understand that?

Okay, but tell me your room number and your name because I don't believe you are our guest.

What do I need, a fucking golden ticket to get in the Willy Wonka factory?

Okay, tell me please your room number. I told you I said 23 and okay

So that's a mistake because in this everybody else, okay? Well, no shit cuz it's running under my cousins rented it

What do you think business? Okay, so tell me they didn't under my name. Okay, I will call a cap for you

Okay, you call your manager. I shall push and get back to me in about a week to get from Piccadilly here

Okay, you to give me directions you give me a shuttle. It'd be great fucking money for that room. Okay, I will call your cap

Okay, call me what a cops. You're gonna call it cops on me. You fuck. No, that's it. I will call a taxi for you

Thanks. There you go. That's how it works. Yeah, you know shuttle shuttle brought us here there and I will call a taxi for you

Okay

MINICAB! MINICAB! MINICAB!

Thank you for using friends today

Hang on, let me clear the line here.

What the hell was that?

What's with the Indians in the hotels in London?

What's with the Indians in London period?

I threw a couple wafers in the market.

Someone was in control of India, so they brought him back as one of the soccer players.

They still could call someone out.

Remember the rest of the dragon? The dragon steamboat?

He spit fire.

I think he spit like a gray muda.

Yeah, I think so.

A gray muda. He wasn't even that gray. He was kind of fat.

Yeah, he was a muda.

I've met one of these people.

Yeah, I'm sure you know.

Yeah, you've seen Dustin's face.

like with that

he's a ninja

but he just

could tell you

he just had a mascot

speaking of

dude that Bogan

is a fucking

piece of ass

she's got a

wide man jaw

it's just a little

it might be a little

that's the only thing

I don't like

I'll tell you what

but I'll tell you what

she's fucking banging

yeah

probably got her

mother's features

but ain't as goofy

yeah I stay away

from girls with

like stronger jawlines

than my own

it just doesn't

work out

she's no manly man

I mean she looks

like a good looking broad

you know growing up

I looked up to Hulk Hogan

he was like one of those

Yeah.

You know, like in the 80s, if you grew up like me and Andy,

it was Ronald Reagan, Hulk Hogan, and G.I. Joe.

One time Hulk Hogan pulled me out of a burning car.

Yeah.

Ronald Reagan saved us from the cops.

Yeah.

We were on fire and Ronald Reagan pissed on us.

Ronald Reagan.

Well, we'll just tell him to stop here.

All right, Reclute fans, for calling in, man.

All right, man.

All right.

Everybody go to Reclute.com.

Yeah.

Oh, no, it's not up.

Oh, damn.

Reclute.com has Reclute t-shirts.

Yeah.

No, no, no.

don't lie

you're gonna order

reclude cereal

on reclude.com

there's gonna be one

I got like

some stupid little thing

up that says

I got like

face

you don't have

t-shirts coming

you have a website

coming

so reclude

did she cheat on you

or what

what happened

with starlet

no no no

did whitney houston

seduce her

yeah we all did

crack

I don't know

what's gonna happen

yet

I'm not

that's why

I'm not saying

much

I know

you got lawyers

involved

as a big

No, it's not even like that.

I mean, we're still loving together, so I mean...

Oh, okay.

So married.

I see how it is. Good.

Alright, Reck, well you have a good night.

Stay out of trouble.

Yeah, I'm gonna go fuckin' smoke a big one and then fuckin'...

I don't know.

So that's your problem with these drugs.

You gotta do it on your side.

So who are you guys gonna call next?

John Melendez.

Are you serious?

Yeah, yeah, look forward to that.

Be sure to tune in and tell a friend.

All right.

All right, Reg, we'll take care of this.

I'll talk to y'all later.

All right, you're a class act.

We'll see you later.

Supreme Court justice, John Menendez.

All right, bye-bye.

That's the Supreme Court, yes.

What was those fat-looking twins that killed their parents for the money?

That was Jason and, I think, Pete.

Jason and Pete went in there.

Pete?

It was Pete, really?

Yeah.

They looked white, and their parents looked white, but remember when they had a lawsuit?

They made the movie, and Emilia Estevez played both of them.

That was great.

I didn't know that.

Seriously

Because they were twins

Yeah

That's true

They were twins

Right

And they killed their parents

Andy

Yeah

It's something you can never do

Live with a dream

Okay

So

What did we not get to talk about

For a reclude

Kept calling in

I don't know

We gave out the website

Right

MadhouseLive.com

A lot of updates there

There is now a podcast

For the Madhouse

So if you

Have iTunes

Or if you have

If you're into podcasting

Be sure to subscribe

To our podcast

Go to MadhouseLive.com

And do so

And if you download the podcast and you're on the bus, let a homeless person listen.

Yes, please.

Because they probably have nothing to do with prank calls.

They don't even know they exist.

They don't have phones.

They don't have the internet either.

So yeah, share with them.

Also head over to PCURadio.com, PCU Radio, the home of Prank Call Underground Radio

and the home of KDK and his prank calls.

Be sure to visit PCURadio.com.

Also, while you're at it, be sure to check in Dr. Lego's homepage.

Dr. Lego's homepage is pranktheworld.com.

Pranktheworld.com.

EarthDog is correcting me.

John Melendez is stuttering John.

That's right.

That's how it is.

And that's the chat room that we're talking about,

which you can join in either one of the two websites I mentioned at first,

madhouselive.com or pcradio.com.

You don't even have the 1-800 number on there.

Yeah, it is on there.

Oh, it says relay.

It's going to be something stupid.

Yeah, probably.

I ain't even going to pay attention to it.

What does that do?

That's when they do that.

It's when the...

Should I hit the off button?

Yeah.

Well, here, you got it.

We'll silence it, and I'll block it from the toll-free line, so they won't bother us again.

No problems there.

And if they do, we'll burn their village.

Yeah.

Well, we have you tracked already.

We have your IP address, so don't try.

But if you seriously want to call in, the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

And the chat room is available at those two websites using a Java client.

You can also hit us up with an IRC client of your own, irc.lazy-net.de.

A shout-out to everybody in the chat room right now.

Of course, Lonesome Losers and their visibly confirming numbers, including the two calls that we had earlier tonight.

Well, the three that we tried, technically, to London.

Nunu in the chat room has also sent us a number.

Let's see here.

Here are some guys who really shit at modifying cars, he says.

This is the relay call again probably.

No.

This is Minnesota.

Who do you know in Minneapolis?

I don't know.

We'll take it again.

Caller, you're on the air.

Go ahead.

Hello, I see relay operator 747.

Do you know how to use relay?

No, no.

Do you know how to use relay?

We don't want to talk to relay.

We don't believe in relay calls.

This is against our religion.

We

did, we called the poor lady

Yo, bitch, don't be making no Relay calls

All of a sudden we're Bill Cosby over here

Don't be calling on Relay calls

We can't Relay, we can't

You know what, I feel like blocking Relay calls

But you know what I might just be inclined to talk to relay operators Bill Cosby see if she sticks through it

She's gonna see it's just all right. I'll do it now. I'll entertain you guys with the relay calls, and then

It's that guy coconut

Hey turn the radio off in the background. You know better than that monkey. What's up, man? How you doing?

What's up

What kind of ocean you got running there?

It's not much of anything.

Actually, we're a ca-

A kind of revolution.

A ca-

I got eaten.

Roger's last.

Rocks.

Whatcha doing?

You're not even-

What'd he say?

Whatcha-

There's no answer to that.

Uh, Milkman, thank you very much for calling.

Great call, Milkster.

Yes.

Took the edge off the whole thing.

Well, we got him-

We got him-

To the bank.

I could eat him.

Oh, what is-

I told you, Bill Van Avey is reckless.

That's not good.

I wouldn't eat him.

It's kind of dangerous.

Come over here and I'll kill you.

You're looking big as a-

Bring him.

Okay, dude, we got to go.

Milkman, we'll catch you here next week.

All right, man, you're going to be on the air.

All right, man, you're going to be on the air next week.

This is time.

I'm going to keep you up for the entire show.

Yeah, we've got Sean Moore calling in.

Wow.

Hello, Sean.

Hey, man, you want to call in the show?

Okay, well, I'll give it to you.

Milkman's about to get off the line here.

Oh, fuck me off, man.

you can't kick me off for Sean

who's Sean

I'll shoot up my barber

and let him know what my name is

Sean no show

you don't even do a show

you even turn me into a camera

alright milkman

we gotta go we'll catch you here next week

thank you very much for calling in milkman

alright

and some applause for milkman

yeah

Yay, the Milkman.

Saigon calls him the...

Call of the day.

The teacher from Charlie Brown.

Jesus God Christ, Milkman, sometimes.

What is up with that?

You explain to him, okay, you're back on, you know, we want you back on.

Hey, why'd you, why'd you burn me?

You wrecked, you burned me.

Jesus God, this kid.

I'm gonna shoot you.

Here's Toronto.

John Ward, you're on the air.

Hey.

All the years, my face is the beast.

Great, how are you doing today, man?

Living on the air in Cincinnati.

Cincinnati?

What?

Yeah, Cincinnati, WKRP.

In Cincinnati?

Yeah.

That was a TV show.

What's going down, homie?

Nothing, we're just here just contemplating why Milkman is unintelligible sometimes on the phone, that's all.

Have you ever talked to him on the phone?

Talked about what?

Have you ever talked to the Milkman on the phone?

Yeah, we've talked to him.

Wasn't that him who was calling in when I was doing the show with you at your place?

That's right, yes, you're right, you're right.

You did talk to him.

We had him on the air for a little bit, too.

I remember that now.

That's right.

Right on. So, how you been? How's the comic business and the TV business and all that treating you?

Well, it's a fabulous time, indeed.

Good. No news on the front? You still got the show going on? What is it? What's the name of the show?

Yeah, the show's going on. What's happening? I don't even know if it's been the last thing you heard.

But, yeah, it's been rolling. We're getting ready to shoot the pilot, and he's got me on the floor director,

and I'm actually redoing all of the, for the new season. And so, it's going to be a busy summer.

Good. Well, stay busy. Indeed. And take a break in the fall, man. That's always a good thing. I'll probably take a break. Okay. Australia? I'll call anywhere, anytime, any time. We have some numbers in Australia. We have a la turco kebabs. Sounds like a restaurant. What? A la turco kebabs. I guess they sell shish kebabs there. Turkish style. Okay, a la turco. A la turco kebabs. Okay, let's call them. Okay.

Okay. Oh, they got chilies in Australia.

I think chilies is everywhere. They even have one in Australia. Look at that.

Anyway, this is in Sydney, the kebab place.

We also have an Indian curry house, but we'll call it the kebab place.

All right, here comes Sean Ward, everybody, with a prank call.

Yeah, I'm ready to go.

Good. So are we.

Yeah.

Yes.

Three, two, one, go.

Here it goes.

Yep, a la Turco.

A la Turco, brother.

Yes.

Oh, good. I've been waiting to speak to you all day.

And who is this?

Frank, I'm having a party. I need you guys to make me some food for the party.

Sorry?

I'm having a party.

Yeah?

I'm needing you guys to make me some food to serve at my party.

Sir, we doing business here or what?

Yeah.

Good. Cause if you make me say it one more time, I'm gonna throw my glasses in the room.

And you know how much I hate when my drink is on the wall, right?

Frank?

What was your name?

Frank is my name.

Frank. No worries, Frank.

You wanna come into the shop, mate? We'll talk.

Well, I was just hoping I could run a few things by you here on Earth and just get things rolling.

We're a little bit pinched for time.

Yeah, all right.

You tell me what you want.

We got three hours, and I need food.

Oh, you tell me.

Oh, you tell me what you want.

Well, I need some of them kebabs is the thing.

People like them kebabs.

That's what the people are enjoying.

Well, you're going to have to come in and pick them up.

Okay, we'll make them fresh for you on site.

Okay, good, and then you'll have them delivered as well.

No, no, no, we don't deliver.

No, I mean, you put them in a cab, whatever you got to do.

but I'm just saying that's something that you'll handle on your end right

because I would really wouldn't want to be bothered how many how many kebabs

you want how many bags how many kebabs maybe two bags how many comes in a bag

we don't sell them by bags man well how do you sell them they come by rolls

by rolls yeah by rolls a kebab roll how many is in a roll I don't know a bag of rolls

one roll man yeah a roll of one yeah how many people have you got we've also

got the pita's man if you want to do pita you've got a hundred people about

About 100 people?

Yeah, we've got about 100 people.

It's a conference is what it is.

It's a conference?

Yes, we're having a conference.

All right.

We've got 100 people.

And basically, you can probably figure the situation out.

I was in charge of looking after the food,

and I didn't really live up to my end of the bargain.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, man.

So I'm in a pinch, and I know you guys are the best in town,

so I need to know what's going down.

All right, man.

All right, man, look.

Man, for you to come and see what you want, okay,

because I've got a variety here,

You want to come down to the shop, we'll meet, okay?

I've got time to go walking around all over town looking at fucking kebabs.

I've got time to go looking at kebabs.

That's what you're trying to tell me?

No, man, I'm telling you, if you want to place an order,

you're going to have to come down here.

I can't put it in the cab and I can't deliver it for you, okay?

You can't put it in the cab, why not?

No, man, I can't do that.

What does it take to open the door?

It's fresh food, man.

It's all in the bag.

Okay.

Down the road, where she's down, nobody knows.

You're going to have to, if you want, you know.

How about you? Can you send a guy here to see me? Can we do that?

No. No, man. I can't do that.

I'm really busy.

I can't do that.

Yeah, I'm very busy at the moment.

Okay? I haven't got the manpower to do that.

Well, what if you've got a cousin you could call in or something?

No, no.

I'm sure you've got a friend you could have do your thing.

No, I haven't got time for that, mate.

$50, I'll give the guy.

Tell the guy I'll give him $50.

Sorry?

Tell the guy I'll give him $50.

No. No, man.

Because I really want that.

No, I haven't got the time, mate. That's the thing.

Okay?

So if you want to come around...

Well, get your cousin to do it.

Yeah, look, no, no, I can't.

I can't get my cousin to do it.

I haven't got a cousin, mate.

Get someone else to do it.

Listen, as I said, Frank.

I don't care.

Listen, bro, if you want to come down, have a look at what you want, I'll fill you up here.

Just get some dude off the street.

Tell him, quick, 50 minutes is fine.

No, I can't do that, mate.

I can't do that, man.

As I said, all right, I'm here.

You know where I am?

The Broadway Shopping Centre.

Kebabs.

Here's the situation.

I need the kebabs.

Alright, if you need the kebabs, you need to come in here, alright?

How many kebabs do you recommend for one person?

Man, are you having me on, or what are you doing, mate?

Well, I'm just curious about how many kebabs you can feed a motherfucker, you know what I'm saying?

Mate, if you want to do business, okay, if not...

What does it take to just tell me, oh, one person, you know, they all have three.

Okay, I'm telling you, man, if you want kebabs, if you want whatever you want, you're going to have to come down here and talk face to face.

I want kebab.

You know, I want the kebab.

Well, you come down here and we'll talk, okay?

I haven't got time, Frank.

If you want to, as I said, you want to do business, come down here.

I've got to go, okay?

Put it in a cab and send it on over to me.

All right.

I've got to get going.

Put it in a kebab.

Okay, so it's 100 people.

He's kind of snooty.

Kind of snooty.

Sean Ward, we have a request for you to call.

We want to see if you have time.

You know who Tom Green is?

He's Canadian, isn't he Canadian?

Yeah.

He's got an internet radio show himself.

And he would like, they would like you to call him his old Mabel.

And I have the phone number here.

Oh, that would be marvelous.

All right.

If you don't mind doing that, this is a request from EarthDog.

And we're all about pleasing our fans here on PCU Radio.

So, Sean Ward, of course, is happy to oblige.

And I'll do that now.

I'll do that now.

Andy, what was your comment real quick on Tom Green, right?

I mean, that was so 1990.

What has he done since the 90s, since 99?

I mean, has he been in no movies?

He had that talk show on MTV.

He had that late night.

night talk show.

I like that show,

though.

It was funny.

It was kind of funny,

yeah.

I like the one

with Andy Dick on it

and they dressed up

like each other

and they rampaged.

Well,

apparently Andy Dick

was on the show

last night.

They're probably

bi for each other.

I think so.

Andy Dick's very bi.

Yeah.

Something about

that goatee it is.

Okay,

Sean,

we're going to do

that right now.

Thanks for hanging

on and doing this

for us.

Good job with

the last call.

We're right back,

everybody.

It was the

following shit.

All right,

Sean,

thanks for helping

us out, man.

Not a problem.

I'm just glad to speak to you again.

So we'll be talking real soon, brother.

Yes, yes, sir.

Are you going to be on any time soon?

Sometime in the month of July, perhaps?

Oh, sometime over the next weekend or two.

I'll be on.

You know, I come every now and then.

You'll see me do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know you're not a regular, but when you do, it's always a special.

It's like turning on the TV and seeing that Charlie Brown commercial.

It's always a good feeling.

All right, man.

You take care of yourself, Sean.

All right, peace out, my friend.

Take care, brother.

Bye-bye.

Sean Ward.

Sean Ward from...

Fuck.

Sean Ward from SeanWard.net

I tried to put the volume up and it goes down Andy

Your fingers

My big fat fingers

You can't even push the one big mouse button

What's on the music

Is that the song

That's applause

How is that music

Yo check out my beat yo

Yo everyone's gonna dance to this right here

Yo dance to me clapping

Yeah

Yeah, so, Tom Greaves says he wants to take a few calls tonight.

Well, I mean, he's talking to Eric the Midget right now, apparently.

We'll try to call him later.

Remind me of that, people.

Remind me of that.

What's going on with Dr. Lego?

Dr. Lego says, fuck it, he's out.

I don't know what's going on.

Lego is obviously angry at, what's his face, at KDK.

And what can I say?

Ooh, they should have a Jell-O wrestling match.

Yes.

Or chocolate pudding.

No, that's gay.

Yeah, that's kind of gay.

What about just Crisco?

That's gay, too.

Is it?

So the other thing that's not gay will be for Green Jello.

I can't even talk at all.

I haven't given out anything tonight.

I think this is Legoski.

What's up, this guy?

You're on the air.

Man.

What's up, brother?

Shit.

How you doing, Michael?

What happened last night, man?

Yo.

Check my beat.

Check my beat out, yo.

So, how you doing?

First of all, I want to say something.

You know, Carlito, you run a good show, man.

Well, thank you.

I gotta tell you.

Yeah.

You know, I mean, you know, Andy's a big fat fuck, but...

Oh, man.

That's over for some fray.

Oh, damn it.

I would love for that, too.

I was like...

I'm only kidding.

I was gonna say something nice about that.

I gotta tell you, seriously, I love you.

I love you guys.

I think you do a great job.

But?

No buts.

Okay, good.

No buts.

All right, good.

Well, thanks, man.

No buts.

I mean, it's...

You know, okay, you know what?

There is one slight complaint.

Music?

No, no.

The music is...

because you guys use calling cards.

Right.

It takes a long time to get the fucking...

Yeah, especially when you call international.

Yeah, international, you know how many digits I got to dial,

but it's fun.

It's fun to call.

And I think that milkman call, that cost $32.

Where the fuck has milkman been?

I'm glad to be back.

What did he do?

Yeah, if he could learn to get the...

Stroke and hernia.

If he could get the phone out of his mouth while he's talking.

Yeah, no, I think he had his urethra taken out or something.

Something happened.

I thought it was his pancreas or something, or his spleen.

Yeah.

Yeah, one of them.

Yeah, so last night, everybody got the feeling.

Let me tell you what's going on.

Go ahead.

Let me tell you what's going on.

All right.

In a nutshell, okay, we've been having an issue.

I don't know exactly why with the server.

Where are shoutcasts to list them?

I first found out about this about two weeks ago.

Since I found out about it, I have changed versions of shoutcasts three or four times.

I have updated it, done patches, updated DNS, tried all different kinds of things.

And everything that KDK has asked me to do, I have done, okay?

He thinks it's a five-minute thing.

He has no clue when you SSH into a server that you can spend an easy half-hour, 45 minutes

poking around before you even light the fucking fire.

But neither here nor there.

I have been addressing the issue, and my ultimate goal, you know,

You know, my ultimate situation would have been is I would have reinitialized the server

and reinstalled the operating system and reinstalled Shoutcast and did the whole thing,

which I had no problem doing, which incidentally is probably an hour and a half to two hours worth of work.

Now, you know, I run a business.

You know, I wear a lot of hats in my business, so I'm busy during the day,

and I'm fucking around with this Frank Hall bullshit, and you know what?

And he says some shit.

Now, and here's the other situation.

Over the past year, I really, you know, the way I felt was, I felt KDK has become a pretty good friend of mine.

I really liked the guy and I really felt, you know, like, you know, we've become, we've developed a nice friendship.

And I gotta tell you, you know, when he gets on the air and he says shit like, yeah, he couldn't, you know, Dr. Lego couldn't even spend five minutes or whatever, whatever the fuck he said.

That's a real slap in the face insult

When I've been doing nothing

But working on this thing

Every time he sends me an email

Or an IM trying to fix this

It's fucking bullshit

And I'm really pissed off about it

And I'm very very much considering

Dropping it and telling him to go fuck himself

I started my own feed

At pranktheworld.com

We got a brand new feed going

That is listed in shoutcast

Which proved my theory

that it's not the software and it is something server-related.

And you said this last night, and I understand that.

And you've also explained to him, and here's what I was discussing with someone today.

You're busy, you're doing your thing, and you're donating this server to us out of your kindness.

Now, KDK, and I will stick up for him a little bit, and not to say that he didn't fuck up.

He did fuck up in what he said, but he doesn't mean to do this, I think.

The way he acts sometimes

He gets a little emotional

He has that other persuasion

They're known to be capable to be emotional

And he's a very paranoid guy

And he does this all the time

And he pisses you off

I wouldn't take it so to heart

I'm a sensitive person

You have that

And you know what dude

I gotta tell you

Honestly if it was you and me

Like just getting to know you

In the last whatever months

months that I've known you, and I can kind of tell the kind of guy you are, I know if

it was you and me, you would never talk to me that way.

And even if you were paying for the service, I don't think you'd talk to me that way.

I think you would realize that I was trying to fix this thing, and there's obviously some

type of an issue, and I'm working on it.

And the bottom line is, you know what, if all else fails, I'll kill the box, I'll reinstall

CentOS Linux, and I'll

set it all up again, and I'll reinstall

Shoutcast, and that'll just be the way

it goes. Right. But what you're asking

for is patience, right?

Is that what you're saying?

Respect and patience.

I don't know, I'm like,

I really, I gotta tell you, I felt

alienated, I didn't feel like I was a friend,

I felt, I really felt

like I was just, you know, just some

fucking idiot. You know what I felt like?

I felt like, ha ha ha, aren't I

I'm the schmuck.

Here I am, giving up servers and bandwidth and all this shit.

I mean, honestly, that server, the only thing that server does is pulse on that box.

I can come in.

But, you know, the other thing, you know, then he has the fucking gall, hey, trying to keep, like, down.

Yeah, I mean, that's, he doesn't, he, yeah, that's the kind of thing he does sometimes.

And I don't know why he does that.

It's just his nature.

He doesn't mean it like that, though.

He's just trying to maybe just get attention and stuff.

And he'll say in the chat room, I don't know what for, for his dramatic reasons, but he's

not trying to make you feel under, I mean, it sounded, yeah, that you're underappreciated.

You know.

I don't, you know what, I'm not looking for anyone to kiss my ass, and I'm not looking

for anyone to tell me they appreciate me.

But a little respect.

But at this time, I'm not looking for anyone, I'm not looking to give something to somebody

and then fucking kick me in the nuts.

Right.

Just a little respect.

And maybe he just, he was out of line.

I agree, but like I said, I don't think it's him intentionally doing that.

Like, I think it's just sometimes we all fuck up and we have our faux pas,

and I think that's what, it doesn't mean it's right.

You want to know something?

I just think he's, honestly, the more I'm starting to try and read this guy,

I think he's like Keith.

He's got a whatever you want to call it, Keith Network,

that we're all immune, we all know each other.

You know what?

What?

Don't blame him.

You're upset over the situation,

and I can't say that I wouldn't be reacting the same way in that situation,

because he disrespected you last night, and he's asleep, and he doesn't, and he doesn't, you don't, you don't buy into the hype, you don't buy into the drama, right, and I try not to, well, the other, the other thing that I wanted, well, Andy, you gotta, you gotta fuckin', you gotta, like, you know, you gotta let me out a little, well, listen, listen, the other thing I wanted to say, too, is, you know, he's always, he's always fuckin' complaining about, you know what, whatever, I'm on fuckin' MySpace, all these, you know, you know, friends on these networks knew about us, I'm doing, I'm building up, I'm broadcasting it,

on my feed,

not on PC.

I'll broadcast them on both.

I forgot I'm talking

to the phone.

I said broadcast them

on both.

If not,

I'll pick it up

and play it.

Do that, dude.

Come on, man.

Don't let the drama,

you know,

don't buy into the hype

like I just said.

No, I'm not.

What I'm trying to tell you

is, yo,

don't make it

to fucking radio network

ever on the internet.

I could do it

inside of one,

two, three months.

That's a threat, Lego.

That is a threat

that you're doing right now.

It's not a threat.

What I'm trying to tell you

is i can make it and run it the right way and it's not a threat i'm just i i just don't understand

the guy you know i you know the way i got into this whole thing era came to me hey it's radio

show and i was like all right and then when he told me what it was you know i was like oh great

i used to i used to do a prank call radio show you know and and um and prank the world was never

down we just never we just we do shows periodically every now and then and then when i found out

about this, I thought it was a really cool thing, and that's why even when Billy fucking

bailed, I said, yeah, no problem, man, I'll, you know, I remember when we was in, and Katie

K called up and said, yeah, man, we lost our, yo, bro, no problem, I'll tell you what, I'll

set up a server for you guys, you can use it as long as you need it.

The whole Ted thing.

Everybody understands that, okay, great.

You know, and I set it up, and, you know, that's why I don't need, like, really don't

need attitude, buddy, and, you know, whatever, man, he should have the respect for me as

a friend and say pete you know it's still not working what else can we do talk to me on that

kind of level done anything and like i like i'm like savage i would never do that i would never

hurt you or or or hurt the prank you know prank hole rate whatever the hell this is i would never

do that to anybody that's fucking bullshit and what would be my motive for doing it it's not

like it's making me any money right you're not gonna lose any money in the process anyway you

know what man i don't want to rant and rave about it i'm sorry no it's okay no that's what

That's what we're here for.

This is what we're here for.

We like it.

Everybody's out here.

25% of my ranting and raving for today.

That's combining you and Bill Vance.

I just, listen.

I just wanted to, I just wanted to, you know.

I love monologues.

I just wanted to really let you know what happened and why I feel the way I feel and why I was a little pissed.

You know, because you know me.

I'm a good guy, and I ain't like that.

And I'm just like, I don't know what to think anymore, man.

I've got to have a talk with Dave.

I will.

I will. When I'm feeling right, I'm going to call him.

I was going to offer to connect him now, but if you want to wait, that's fine.

We can wait. I don't know if he's probably not even listening right now.

This should probably cool off for a bit.

Yeah, let him cool off. You've got a point, Andy.

Lego, you are appreciated on my end. I respect you.

Ah, Jesus, I almost started a fire. I almost lit a whole matchbook on fire.

But we seriously, Andy, you appreciate him very much too, right?

Yeah.

And listen, who's Superman on this fucking chat room?

It's probably KDK or KDK, whatever.

I don't know.

Superman's about to get fucking banned from the fucking chat room, okay?

I mean, you know, you're talking, you know, like, you don't know who you are.

You know, why don't you, why don't you, why don't you, like, at least

Saigon will stand up

And, you know, and he could be a dick, but thing

A guy likes to, like, just get it done

Yeah, what's important is that you, um, get the stream back out of the air, right?

Yes.

No, no, yes, that is very important.

That's what's important here.

But, like, what I'm trying to say is that you're appreciated, and, damn it, this is...

Pete, I, I, listen, you don't have to tell me that, and I want you to know something.

Being a dick to me really motivate me to want to fucking...

That's not a way to say, hey, Pete, can you fix this, can you please try and get this working?

That's not a way to say, hey, Pete, everything's tried already to make it work, but it's still not working.

What can we do next?

That's like saying, hey, Dick, you know, I know you've been giving me all this shit for all this time.

You and get the stream working.

Michael, let me make a comment here real quick.

Zolar is reporting, and I quote, this is off the hotline.

He wants to talk to you.

He also quotes, says to hang up on your unfunny ass and to tell you just to get it done.

And how long do we have that?

He called you a Jew.

and Zolarski from Zolarski.com,

he says, how long we got to listen to the Jew cry?

What do you say to that?

What do you say to Zolarski?

You know what?

Zolar says all these things, but I got to tell you,

Zolar fucking loves me, and I love that guy,

and it's kind of like his way of, you know,

he tries to fucking push my button, but it's all right.

You know, the bottom line is this.

I went on Zolar's show last Saturday night

When fucking KDK was like at Gay World

Right

And you know

Zolar wasn't really doing too good

And I got on

And I did a prank call

And I fucking

I tore it up

And I fucking showed everybody

What doing pranks is really about

And he's all bent out of shape

That I fucking tore him a new asshole

I cut his head

And you know

That's what us musicians call

We call it cutting heads

And I cut his head

And he wasn't funny

And I was

And that's pretty much

You know

The way it usually is

This is when Zolar and I are on together.

I'm the funny one, and he's the vulgar one who tries to be funny, but he's not really.

Well, we all have our styles.

Right.

And we all have what we like.

Right.

Lego, you're going to be on tomorrow.

By the way, did you know Zolar is a Jew also?

And he won't admit it.

He won't admit it?

I thought he was Armenian or something.

Yeah, he's Polish or something like that.

His mother is Jewish, and his father is black.

That's sick.

What's his first name?

Glenn?

Glenn.

Glenn Zolarski.

No, his real name is Glendisha.

Glendisha.

Big words tonight on the Madhouse from Dr. Lego over at PrankTheWorld.com.

Oh, did you see?

I got a new video up on MySpace.

I haven't seen it yet.

Okay, I'm going to post it right now in the chat room.

Yeah, I've seen you post it.

Yeah, we'll check that out.

Does it have audio that we can play for people to listen to, or is it all video?

Yeah, it's hilarious.

You've got to go check it out.

It's funny.

All right, well, we'll check that out now.

All right, Lego, good luck.

Have a good show tomorrow.

Thank you for calling in.

I don't know if I'm even doing a show tomorrow.

Oh, come on.

Now you just said you were going to do a show.

Now you're not going to do a show.

Do it or else.

Come on.

I don't know.

I really don't know if I'm really feeling it right now.

I'm tired of the whining, Lego.

I'm tired of all this.

Do it and have that retard to death call on it.

I know, dude.

I've got to tell you.

I've got to, like, I really, I'm not whining, but I've got to tell you.

I'm really, like, I don't know, man.

I don't know how I'm feeling.

But I like your show, and I appreciate it.

This is too much.

This is too much for me, Lego.

I'm going to go.

Later, man.

It's okay.

But, Paulito, I want to tell you, man, that you've been persistent, and you've been a good guy,

and no matter what happens, you know, if there's no more Dr. Lego show or radio stream,

I just want you to know it's been a pleasure.

Well, I'm sure it'll be fine, and if not, then whatever.

All right.

Thank you for adding to the drama tonight.

I appreciate it.

And, Andy?

Yeah.

You smell.

All right.

You smell.

They cut to the core.

Well, then you need another shower.

This time we're going to use soap and water.

All right, and it was good.

It was actually good hearing Milkman on,

and finally, like, he had marbles in his fucking mouth.

Wait, wait, Sean Ward or Milkman?

I couldn't understand Milkman.

I couldn't understand both of them.

You know, everybody on this show,

we're going to catch you tomorrow.

If not, we'll just hang in there.

If not, you know, we'll listen to Zola on a stupid night.

Okay.

All right, man.

No, man, this shit.

I just want to do a show.

You know, I just want to do a show,

and not have to be engulfed with drama.

That's cool

So that is the last we're going to hear about that shit

Well you know Zolar is going to call it next anyway

Well I know Dr. Lego is going to get it done

Yes

That's what's going to happen

Dr. Lego

His slogan is get it done

Dr. Lego gets it done

Dr. Lego gets it done everybody

Dr. Lego gets it done dot com

That should be a website

He's only got nine fingers

And whenever he goes to the salad bar

He eats nothing but croutons

Hot sauce and pepper

Hot sauce and ranch

Hot sauce and pepper

Salt and croutons

If you're going to the salad bar

I like to get a little bit of lettuce

I put onion, ranch, sunflower seeds

And croutons of course

I don't like the bacon bits on it

No that's disgusting

Because that's not even bacon

It's beef jerky pretty much

That's about right

What else can you put

You can put some egg on that

You got to put cheese on it, though.

You got to put cheese on your salad.

Salt.

You got to put salt on your salad.

Gravy.

I put salt on my gravy.

I don't like gravy.

Gravy's nasty.

I don't like gravy on my mashed potatoes.

What?

You white people always put gravy on everything.

Gravy.

You put gravy on your steak, on your chicken, on your rice.

You're not just going to eat the animal.

You're going to drink part of it.

That is...

Gravy.

You take the drippings and all that, and you mix it with flour, and you put it on top of your rice.

Actually, cornstarch.

Just eat your rice.

White people put gravy on everything.

Gravy and syrup.

You guys love both of those.

And sugar.

Well, we all like sugar.

Look at the one about diabetes.

Yeah.

I didn't get that from eating sugar.

That was genetics.

Bullshit.

You used to drink like three, two liters of soda a day.

I used to eat two liters of soda a day.

And you'd go into little mini comas.

You'd wake up to go to work, sit down on the couch, put on your shoes, and pass out.

Yeah.

And I'd wake up and I'd be like, I love you more.

I'd go out and be like, dude, aren't you supposed to do that?

He'd be passed out in his Albertsons shirt with his hand in a box of Oreos and a Mountain Dew in his other hand.

Come on, dude.

I was eating breakfast.

Yeah, you didn't like sweets.

Yeah.

That's right.

I would get all dressed for work and just sit down in the couch, and I'd fall asleep for like a half hour, be like a half hour late.

No, it would be like three hours.

Now, one time I didn't wake up at all from work.

Where's Carlos at?

Hey, Carlos?

Oh, man, he's got a cold of water.

Yeah, yo, wake him up, yo.

Oh, who's going to run the liquor store?

It literally got so bad that they were going to start giving me a wake-up call in the morning.

When I was opening the liquor store, they said they offered, they knew I was bad at it,

and they said they offered to call me in order to wake me up in the morning to make sure I got to work.

They offered that to me.

There's a high, like, they let you get away with all that shit because of the high demand for Puerto Ricans who can speak English in Florida at a company.

That's right.

You were bilingual.

Bilingual.

Bilingual and bi-diabetic.

That's probably how I got the job I have now with those assholes, because I'm bilingual.

That's probably the only reason I have a job still.

I'm the only person that speaks Spanish in my office.

I'm the only mirror mirror on that shit.

So what time is it?

We have 49 listeners.

We were supposed to be on tonight on T-Big Radio, but it did not show up.

There are no shows, so we're not on there.

In the chat room, Fall, in the chat room, says that Kix are good with gravy.

Let's see what other comments we have here.

Apparently, Clone Homegrown got through to the Tom Green show and said PCU Radio.

So, whatever.

He got through to speak to Tom Green.

Well, congratulations, Clone Homegrown.

Very well done.

The Dead is whipping on Dr. Lego.

Ultraviolet in the chat room says that she needs Eddie.

Dr. Lego should kill them all.

Yeah, and Dr. Leggo's a buzzkill.

So that's that right there.

Now, if you want to message us here on AOL Instant Messenger, you can reach us, MadhouseRadio.

Again, AOL Instant Messenger, MadhouseRadio.

Madhouse PCU Radio if you're using Yahoo.

Again, that's Madhouse PCU Radio.

And if you're using MSN Messenger, MadhousePCURadio at Hotmail.com.

All these methods are available on the website.

site that's madhouselive.com again that is madhouselive.com uh speaking of madhouse radio

which is the aol instant messenger name indiscriminator says hey well hey back at you

the discriminator the discriminator okay yeah i said indiscriminate oh it's his name

yo discriminator say yo i'm sending you this instant message to tell you that i'm not going

gonna talk to you yeah i refuse to message you i'm here to tell you nothing to do with you you

inferior bastard you see i pronounced it right he says i know how to say the name indiscriminate

i don't know he does not discriminate andy it's the complete opposite i think indiscriminate

means he just discriminates on everyone so therefore it's not indiscriminate and the

dead says he'll put gravy on dr lego's wife kim he's always doing the gay stuff that faggot

i thought i thought that wasn't gonna listen i thought that wasn't gonna listen tonight hey

it's your girlfriend reese age it's me again andy i want andy was good and he signed off

i hope that's a sheet for your sake man if not you got a secret admirer and he's got a penis

um people asking for prank calls i was gonna take a break i guess i'll do a prank call you

want to call andy's pizza in australia andy you should talk to them oh zoom for copyright

We ran a Frenchman.

It might beat me up.

Chili's in Australia.

Let's do an Eddie call to Australia.

This will be the first international Eddie call.

How will people from Australia react?

Exactly.

Should we call the pizza place or the Indian place?

I don't know.

Pizza place, right?

Andy's Pizza.

All right, we'll do that next.

Have him ask for a crazy calzone.

A crazy calzone.

Put crazy good stuff in it.

All right, we're going to go crazy good stuff in my calzone.

Andy's Pizza in Australia coming right up, everybody.

Everybody, the next prank of the night.

It's 11.49 p.m. on...

Joe's, hello?

Yo, what's up?

Hey, is this Andy's Pizza?

This is now called Pizza at Joe's.

Oh, Pizza...

Where's Andy at?

It used to be, yes.

Yo, where's he at?

Yo, that's my boy.

He owes me 50 bucks.

I'm sorry?

He owes me 50 quid.

Who does?

Yo, Andy.

Andy?

Yeah.

I don't know where you're going to find him.

I got him some of that herb.

You know what I mean?

He owes me money for it.

He owes me money for that herb.

Oh, what herb?

I don't know anything about that.

No, no, no, no.

Yeah, try and ring him up personally, okay?

No, no, listen, he, he, there's a special herb that I get over here that he put in the pizza sauce.

It makes it taste good, so I wonder if you want the secret recipe.

Oh, what, did you sell him certain herbs for the pizza, did you?

He would put nutmeg in it.

Oh, nutmeg, was he?

Yeah, I got the primo nutmeg over here.

Afghan kush nutmeg, you know?

Yeah, I don't know anything, yeah, I don't know anything about it.

You better ring him up, I think.

Yo, you interested, yo?

No, no, thanks, no, no.

Yo, how about, how about, how about some water, yo?

I got bottled water.

No, you see, I get all mine direct from a group already.

No, but this is...

From a supplier.

This is filtered, yo.

It's from New York.

It's just like the New York pizza.

You need the water.

It's the only way you can do it, yo.

No, thanks anyway.

Thanks for your help.

Yo, how about some spit and boogers?

Eh?

How about some spit and boogers in your pizza, son?

I can't...

I don't know what you're...

I can't hear what you're saying.

How about I go down...

How about I go down there and pull all your leg hairs out?

See you later, mate.

Oh, come on.

Let me do it, yo.

I like that.

Okay.

And he's going, what is it, Pizza at Joe's now?

Pizza at Joe's.

Yeah.

Popeye's Chicken in Arizona.

Okay, that was Eddie, everybody.

So you're saying that that sounded different than it should?

Yeah, the Tool song.

The guitars are all fucked up.

I don't know.

I don't know why, man.

Get rid of it.

Okay, we'll delete it right now.

Download a new one.

Okay, we'll do it.

That's the song you need.

All right, that's the one I need.

Well, that's a good one.

It is a good one.

They have many good songs.

Yes.

I liked them before they were popular.

Yeah?

Better than you.

I know.

Now it looks like you're in the bandwagon, but you started the bandwagon roll.

Usually, yeah.

Did you jump off the bandwagon now?

Yeah, I always do that.

Okay, yeah, because it never feels good.

Like, you know, I had Pablo, honey, when it first came out,

and I don't listen to Radiohead anymore.

Really?

That's how cool I am.

Okay, good.

Was there a beginning?

The Dead.

I got up before it went bad.

The Dead's talking.

He says he misses his favorite guy thing.

What?

I'm talking about Andy, not you.

Just kidding.

I don't know.

know the dead's talking and palsy stuff again my palsy makes me um on aol listen messenger

elucid l l is hi yeah yo yo yo well yo back at you yo man thanks for the yo yo eddie yo i just

autographed the chat for him so we'll add him to the uh to the spam list real quick here so you

You don't know about that, everybody.

Superman sends his numbers in Spotsylvania, Virginia.

Hey, that's poop, everybody.

You can't fool me, motherfucker.

Motherfucker bitch.

Maybe it's not poop.

Whatever.

How you doing?

Good.

We're doing good, Elucid Acid AC High guy.

We're doing great.

Thank you.

And we're going to take a break.

Andy, you got a problem with that?

No.

Good.

Are you going to hit me?

No, I'm just asking if you got a problem with that.

It's all right.

You always hit me.

Oh, wow.

I like Zolar showing.

Good, Zolar.

Good for Zolar.

Maybe he'll call after the break.

if you want to call in, prepare for that

we'll be taking callers next, we're going to take a quick break

it was about 5 minutes, we'll come back

and do some more prank calls

stay tuned, it's now 11.54pm

we'll be back after midnight and then it'll be

officially Friday, and that means it's the

end of the week, TGIF

missed out on ABCN, remember TGIF?

yeah, it was Full House

Family Matters

in the very beginning, Perfect Strangers

Perfect Strangers, that's right

I love that show

That was good.

Balky.

Didn't he fuck sheep or something like that?

Or he was a shepherd?

Yeah, but the other guy was a real star of the show.

Okay.

Larry.

Appleton.

Fishman.

No, Appleton.

Appleton.

Larry Appleton.

I think his name was like Mark Paul Columbus or something.

Yeah, Mark Paul Columbus.

He had like four names.

Mark, Jim, Dan, Feinstein.

Right.

Okay, everybody.

We'll be right back after this.

Continue to listen to the show.

Oh, yeah.

I forgot to mention.

And, um, these are new, um, these are new, um, bumpers that we have to exit the show

and come back from the break, actually, right now.

Oh.

So you get to hear these are coming on for the first time tonight.

Right?

Right.

I don't care.

You don't care.

Sure you do.

I forgot one of the songs.

I haven't done nothing yet.

Hang on.

I gotta, I forgot something.

Damn it.

Okay.

Anyway, we'll be right back after this, everybody.

You're listening to PCU Radio, Madhouse Radio.

Piece of shit up there, I never like him.

I never trust him.

For all I know, he had me set up and had my friend Asia Fernandez killed.

That's it. I hear.

This radio will be back right after this.

Smoke some weed.

This guy, whose voice is that?

Is that Fred?

Oh, they said it was over.

No, don't put him on.

Hello, Fred.

So, I give the outro song a thumbs up, but I give the coming back in song, I don't really like it.

That one, old school?

No, no, no, no, no.

No, not the song.

I should say the little intro bumper thing.

Is that the last one?

Oh, the Scarface thing?

No, this one here.

Tell me if you like this or not.

This guy with you.

Whose voice is that?

Is that Fred?

Oh, you said it was over.

No, don't put him on.

It's her, Fred.

I guess it's not as bad.

Yeah, it's not bad.

I thought it was bad.

She's got a weird voice, that girl.

Yeah, she does, right?

It was a unique voice, so I totally just recorded some things from her voice.

That's pretty good.

She sounds like an Ewok on helium.

An Ewok on helium.

That's very nice.

Thank you to her.

I forgot her name.

Thank you for doing that for me.

There's a video of the dead, Andy, I hear.

I don't know.

I'm watching.

Is that what you're monitoring in the chat room?

Yeah, I've been watching that.

Andy's in the satellite center watching the chat room, and he's reporting that apparently

there's a dead video.

Let's try to play that.

See what this is all about, eh?

In the meantime...

I'm sure it's going to be frightening.

Probably.

In the meantime, we're going to prepare to do some more prank calls.

Maybe we'll talk to Tom Green.

Oh, he's so creepy.

Look at him.

He started.

All right, we're going to start this from the beginning.

Hang on.

How are you doing?

What if you say I'm too normal?

What if I'm too fucking drunk?

I'm fucking hot?

What if I'm too much of a fucking normal again, okay man?

I was wondering what the dad looks like when he talks.

Yeah, it's pretty creepy.

My mother is a fucking drunk.

I'm fucking 23 and I'm still fucking living at home.

I'm fucking going to community, community, my fucking college.

I'm terrible.

Look, I'm still fucking drinking this bullshit.

You see what I'm fucking drinking?

I'm still fucking fucking taking off my fucking shirt.

He's got the Jesus chain on, though.

Taking off my retarded shirt.

I'm 23.

I'm fucking coming because I haven't fucking became a lady yet.

You know what I mean?

Oh, the dead's a virgin.

Well, that's news here.

Breaking news, everybody.

The dead's a virgin.

You can't hurt it here first.

Let's play that back.

You know what I mean?

You know what I mean.

That's what virgins always say.

You know, I fucking, I'm fucking going insane, man.

What kind of haircut do you think he's getting?

Is that a two guard?

It might be.

You know, I use the, I think it's a four.

I use the biggest one possible.

Well, he's shorter than you,

use. I'd say he's a three...

Well, his are bristly. Mine kind of lay down.

I think he's a three guard, I'd say, right?

That's cutting it close to the white

supremacist. Yeah, it is very close.

The retarded supremacist.

That's probably like a

two-week-old two guard. Maybe like a week-and-a-half

old two guard right there.

He looks very intimidating, though. Yeah, he does.

If you don't hear him talk, you'd be very intimidating.

He just said his mouth.

I fucking shaved my

motherfucking head.

oh look at that

how prophetic

look at this

I don't know about it

should we keep playing this

yeah

okay

you know what I mean

I'm

fucking going insane

and

I know I'm

fucking going insane

and I don't know

what the fuck

to do

I'm 23

I'm going to college

as a

fucking film

student

I haven't

the mother

can become

anything yet

then it has to

send us into

survivor

and to real world

So he can get on

This is totally

Yeah

I don't know what to do man

Fuck you

You gotta quit drinking buddy

And fuck your motherfucking shit

And you know what

Who do you think he's talking to?

Me?

Um no

I don't know

I wanna remade this

Maybe from

Maybe to Zolar

Zolar submitted this apparently

Yeah

Zolar is

If you do what you do best

Fuck you

Fuck Jonah

Fuck everyone

You know man

Fucking

You know what

What I'm gonna fucking start doing? I'm gonna fucking dress up as a drag queen, because I fucking look like a woman, do I?

What?

That's great.

Oh man.

That's great.

He's digging that grave.

You know, I have a B.I. cock.

A what?

A B.I. cock?

talk man i like women okay i write poetry he writes poetry the dead writes poetry athena

the dead writes poetry yeah you want to see it at the dead talking whatever get out of here

green plate i fucking creepers i fucking is that orange uh gray gatorade right he's drinking out

with vodka that's not good for a gator you shouldn't drink gator unless you're an athlete

dude fucking look at him he obviously is yeah i'm i'm drinking i can't i can't fucking starve

i don't know what the fuck he's doing anymore i'm trying i'm trying to peg who he looks like

it was like uh american history x remember that guy ed norton ed norton yeah the guy that was in

ed norton kind of looks like that

Is this done yet?

God damn it.

I think he looks like a really young Cheech.

And that's that, everybody.

That's the Dead.

The Dead's weekly statement.

Weekly radio address.

That's what you were just listening to.

Your thoughts, Andy?

Do you think maybe that's just something Zohar had him put him up to do

so he could submit it to the Stern Show as a whack packer?

Yeah, probably.

I suspect that's what's going on.

I really do suspect that's what's going on.

He's going to send it to the Stern Show.

Oh, my God, look at this guy.

He's crazy.

We need to have him up.

What do you think his chances of success are?

I don't know.

It kind of looks staged.

It looks a little staged.

Yeah, but it was staged.

Maybe they'll fall for it then.

I don't know.

He talks funny.

Yeah, he talks funny.

He's depressed.

What else do you need?

They could have sex with a transsexual.

He's got that goal for him today.

I don't feel so bad.

Lonesome loser in the chat room is confirming numbers still.

We have a few places in Compton.

Church's fried chicken.

You know, the times that I've called KFC and Compton on this show,

there's been a white guy every time they've answered.

Isn't that weird?

What did you expect to be the other way around?

Well, someone's got to be the overseer.

They don't let the overseer answer the phone.

Oh, this is the overseer.

I'm the manager.

That's bad, man.

That's good, though.

It's bad, but it's good.

Oh, a liquor store in Australia.

Yeah, Sydney.

J.J. Liquors also in Compton.

J.J. Liquors.

The other numbers here, we've got a Chili's in Australia

lately we can still call we have a gas station in england where i don't know what time it is let's

say 5 a.m maybe 4 a.m over there now very very dark cyber dorks we speak english not geek in

honolulu hawaii when they confirmed three hours ago i doubt they're still there even in hawaii

it's pretty late it's like uh eight o'clock at night already probably no answer there now i'm

rambling i'll call the uh indian curry house in australia first is it australia newport nsw

NSW? What's NSW?

New South Wales.

Okay.

You're pretty good, man. How'd you figure that out?

I just knew it.

I don't know much about Australia.

You don't hear much about Australia, you know?

I can't tell you where I was last week, but I know New South Wales.

That's funny.

I got that right, yeah.

Hello.

Yeah, how you doing there, buddy?

Sorry?

Hello, buddy. How you doing there?

I'm running here.

Yeah, good. Look here, buddy. I'm over here out of town.

I'm from the States, and I'm looking to get some Indian food.

Okay.

I'm not here.

Who's not there?

I'm not here.

Who's not there?

What?

Hello?

What the? What was that?

God, you mean to tell me that I spent three minutes dialing that number just for him to hang up like that?

He had a quick hangover.

I guess so.

Australia is, I guess, it's not a good place to call.

England, they never hang up.

Probably after that Simpsons episode where Bart Prane called Australia, a lot of people all did it, so they just got used to it.

Yeah, they got educated about it.

Yeah, they're just like, you know, the best thing to do is just hang up.

If someone retarded starts calling you.

Yeah, yeah.

Thanks, Kenny.

I'm retarded now.

But Bart called them long distance, though.

That's what the problem was.

That's the whole thing.

He called them collect.

like yeah but i'm sure it happened a lot after that i mean people were like i'm gonna be like

barred from call that's one way the toilet flows just like remember after homie the clown showed

up on um living color people were walking around hitting each other with socks full of rocks

yeah did he have what was ever i thought it was quarters that he had in there

not quarters yeah he spent on pennies at the most he'd buy weed that or something

i don't even remember what he said on that homie don't play that homie yeah no no that's so

I don't think so.

Homie don't play that.

That's such a long time ago, man.

They should make a Homie the Clown movie, because now he's older, so it'll look more realistic.

Yeah, he would look more like a bum.

Yeah, yeah, you know, what's up?

Adam Sandler should be in it.

Adam Sandler should play Homie the Clown?

No, he should be like Homie's friend.

No, his Jewish friend, who's quirky.

His sidekick.

And not a good athlete.

His Jewish friend and quirky.

And Homie has to teach him how to win the Olympics.

Okay, whatever.

Just to sound more and more like this big boy as we get on.

Amex in the chatroom has sent in a number for Demetri Johnson,

Johnson, a black woman from the Bronx, confirmed at 12.08, sounded tired, don't know if you

called before, I lost connection for a bit, yada, yada, yada.

We called twice.

Yeah, we did, you missed it, sorry, guy.

Great.

No, we'll try to call that later.

Remind me, remind me, remind me.

45 listeners.

Very good, folks.

Very good for us not being listed on shoutcast.

Yeah, look.

Zillow is pitching.

and Whack Pack Hood to the dead.

There it is.

Is Zola considered a Whack Packer?

You know, he says no.

I think I asked him once.

He says no.

They make weird comments about it all the time.

Yeah, there he is right now.

Speak of the Whack Packer.

Speak of the multi-horned devil.

Zola, you're on the air.

Go ahead.

Cloven Hook.

Yeah, it's my turn to sound all muffled and unintelligible.

This is a very muffled show tonight, isn't it?

Is it not?

Yeah, well, hold on a second.

I'm going to fix that.

Okay.

Did he fart?

I guess so.

That really kills, I hear.

He's so down with it.

Now he can't figure out what to do.

He put you on hold.

I guess so.

What the hell?

He farted at the phone until...

Can you hear me better now?

I guess.

I suppose.

Zolar, how you doing tonight, man?

Maybe you can hear me better now.

If you're not knowing for sure, then it wasn't worth that whole transition I just made.

It is a little more quality, yeah.

You sound like you were on speakerphone before or something.

Did you go from your city house to your summer place?

place? No, what I did was

just turn the Bluetooth technology off

and got on the phone, you know.

That's very respectful of you. Thank you

very much. Old-fashioned style

with the cell phone to the head getting microwaved

to the brain. That's, you gotta get that.

You know, I read an article about that. You should look into it.

Yeah, I read an article

about it. I've also seen some kind of documentation

on it that proves

that if you put it near your genitals,

you could also lose your

ability to make children.

Yeah, or walk in a circle.

Don't sound too excited when I call in, you know what I'm saying?

With that fucking dismal attitude.

Yes.

Well, okay, Zola, do you want to make a comment about that DeLego?

You were very vocal in the chat room at the time.

What are your thoughts on what he cried about?

No, I think you got it across well enough.

I was calling to make a prank phone call.

I want it to be funny.

Good.

Thank you.

Very good.

Funny's good.

I got a question for Zola.

Is he a whack packer?

Yeah, Zola, are you a whack packer?

No, definitely not, because I don't qualify as a whack packer.

If anything, if they had categories, I would be somewhere near the super fan.

rap, you know what I mean?

No.

Yeah, you can tell

whoever the super fan is, man.

So your goal is to make

the dad a whack backer?

Yeah, well, I could

if he wants to be.

He wanted to be

and now all of a sudden

he's all pissed off

because his shit is on YouTube.

That's the warm-up

for the crowd, you know,

so people could start

getting a little bit

of a look at him.

I'm telling him

what kind of video

I want him to make

that I'm going to submit

to the Stern Show contest

that's going to make him

the winner.

It's a guarantee.

You know what?

Someone should post it

on dig.com

or something like that.

Why don't you do that?

Well, I say get it out there, let people fucking start getting used to seeing him,

and just when I get the video that I want from him, it's going to be the winner of all winners.

He's going to have a lot of opportunities to be on the show,

as well as get, like, you know, appearances at different bars and things like that,

and he'll get paid to show up places as a whack-packer.

And maybe he'll get to be in a porno.

People all around the country will be at their water cooler,

and they'll be like, you know, I'm getting used to seeing that retard to death all the time.

Yeah, man, in all actuality, he'll be able to pull in some dough out of it

because he's going to be the first officially nominated Whack Packer from Howard Stern personally.

Now, one of the Whack Packers have been officially nominated.

It's just been self-proclaimed and so long.

I can call myself a Whack Packer, and there is nobody out there who's going to fucking tell me I'm not a Whack Packer

because even the news has said it.

Howard Stern himself has said it.

Gary Delabate has said it.

I've heard Robin Quivers use my name in context of being a Whack Packer.

There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

I've legitimized myself as that if I wanted to.

But I fucking do not want to be a Whack Packer.

Zola is king of the Whack Packers.

I could be.

You're the leader.

If they put us in a big room together and fucking had us wait it out until one person comes out,

Whack Packer, it would be me.

Yeah, I would.

Were you invited to the Whack Pack conclave?

They hadn't done it yet.

but when they do, of course I'm going to be a part of that.

Yeah, I think you're a Whack Packer then.

No, no, I'm not.

You're in the Whack Packer conclave.

Is that the one where they have to wait and then they can't leave

until they vote one of them the Whack Pope or something like that,

and then that person gets a donkey.

I deny any fucking Whack Package ability.

Right.

You would turn it down.

No, he'd say you would do it and control them.

That's what you need to do, Zoar.

You need to do it and just become the king of the Whack Packers

and have them do your bidding.

Well, you know what?

If you look at my involvement with the Whack Packers and stuff like that,

I actually have an earlobe to each and every one of them.

So I have been able to pull together some deals and things,

and I've been pulling money in for a few of them and stuff.

They've actually benefited from my fucking, you know.

Tutelage.

Yeah, really.

So, I mean, I could do that.

I could make it profitable for all of them.

Zula, let me ask you a question.

Do you have the number for Jeff Curl?

Sure.

Can you connect us to him?

Yeah, but he's probably sleeping at this time.

Damn.

I had an idea for a prank offer, but I thought it might be inappropriate, too.

Well, I'll send you the number if you want to try it.

Who can we call on the West Coast?

On the West Coast?

Yeah.

Whose number do you have on the West Coast?

I don't know.

I mean, you know, I have just about anybody you can imagine.

How about can we call Eric the Midget?

Yeah, sure.

I mean, his number.

He'll pick up my call.

Do you want to talk to him?

I mean, if you insult him right off, he'll hang up.

Yeah.

Well, Carly would always talk to him.

I'll talk to him.

I'll connect you right now to Eric

And then so after that we can do

An international call if you want you can take

Do you want to call

Yeah I'd love to do that

I wanted to speak to those cocksuckers in Australia

We had a bad representative

We'll have to get someone who's a better representative of Australia

Yes let's do that

Alright please hold for Eric

I'll hold right here

When I tell my brother he's going to be excited

He loves that guy

Oh yeah.

That's how long they have now.

Yeah.

You gotta be nice to them.

Be supportive.

Fly with balloons.

You gotta tell them it's dangerous.

Tell them it's dangerous.

You gotta talk to the dead.

Yo, your head is huge, dawg.

Fine, son.

Playing music here, I guess.

Probably.

Alright.

I was thinking, I was trying to know.

What's up, Solar?

Hey, Eric.

Who was that who answered the phone?

What?

The phone.

Sounded kind of, uh, if you ask me.

A good day for either one of us.

What happened, Eric?

Hold on.

Get on there.

Tell them to leave me the fuck alone.

Someone call the police.

Tell me what happened, I didn't hear anything about it

I was just calling randomly

As I was saying, I didn't know anything about it

I was just calling to say hello

I had my friend Carlito on the phone

Say hello to Carlito

Hi Eric, not much

We weren't aware if you were aware of the death threat

That had been made out to you

We're with the Division of Foreign Hackers

And we're monitoring the situation

Carlito?

Yes sir

I'm still here Eric, are you there?

Is Eric listening?

Yeah, I'm here

I don't understand what happened to Carlito.

I'm right here.

All right, well, anyway, so what happened to you, Eric?

Oh, some jackass made up MySpace called Eric the Flying Midget,

and the default photo was a Photoshop photo of me, my guy, buy or die.

Eric, can you hear me?

Yeah.

Oh, Eric, can you please, I'm with the Division of Foreign Hackers,

and we're tracking the situation right now, and we're going to see if we can help you.

What exactly is the MySpace page?

What's that?

Do you know what the MySpace page is so we can try to shut it down, please?

Are you guys there?

Yeah.

Can you tell us the address for the MySpace page so we can see if we can shut it down for you, please?

I can.

When we get side, we're making our way back into our apartment.

Okay.

All right.

Well, I was hoping to be able to help you out with that.

We're tracking the situation now.

There appear to be a gentleman from Gambia.

Do you know anybody from Gambia, sir, who may be wanting to make a threat against your life?

No.

Okay.

Well, they're involved in some scams, and apparently they're the people who are behind this,

and they must have some kind of ulterior motive or something.

Have you been offered a sum of money or anything like that lately, anything you might be concerned about?

No.

Has there ever been a threat on your life before?

No, not really.

Okay.

Well, this is a rather serious situation, sir.

I would suggest making as little contact with the public right now,

and perhaps is getting back to your apartment and staying in there.

Can you explain the...

Who are you there?

Can you explain...

Oh, yeah, I'm still here, Eric.

I was just trying to give you guys time to talk

because he could track his talent.

He does work on the computers and stuff internationally.

Right, so we're going to try to shut this down.

I mean, what exactly did the threat say?

Is this just you in the chair with the balloons and everything in the sky?

Is that what it was?

Yeah, and on the bottom of the photo it said,

fly or die.

Okay, so you really think that's a threat?

Oh, so in other words, it was kind of like if you don't do it, we're going to kill you is what you're getting out of that, Eric?

You're seeing right away.

I see.

I'm trying to just follow the conversation because, again, I really didn't know.

I was just calling to say hi.

It just so happens that my friend Carlito here works with Computers International, computer systems and stuff,

and he could help you out, so I was going to let him look into it.

Can you find the URL for us?

I think we have it tracked down here.

It's myspace.com forward slash Eric the Flying Midget.

Does that sound about right, sir?

yes okay well it looks like it's been deleted already

oh it's careful about it all right

yeah we're we're getting in right now

i'm gonna let you go and i'll call you back when you get settled in okay

okay all right bye i'll see you later

all right well that was a little yeah same hold on

lego now uh yeah wrap it up we got pranks to do

oh i'm not on the phone with him i hung up because eric the midget was getting uh

uh you know like boring so i just yeah

Yeah, that was my fault.

You know how he is, he's got like that fucking mundane voice, like he doesn't want me to be on the air with him and shit.

Carlito, oh yeah, alright, okay, thanks very much for being on the show.

Yeah, cutting you off, like, you know, fucking trying to be nonchalant about it, but fucking cutting you off, him and his fucking fat faggot friend Andy.

Yeah, that's right.

Oh, hey, fuck you, man.

He did that to me before, it's alright, you know, you get on there, you give a little fuck out, because, uh...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, Carlito!

Yeah?

Whatever.

Carlito!

Yes?

I'm here, go ahead.

I was just trying to link him in as you were talking to him.

Oh, okay.

Did they even know I'm here?

They did, you know what, it doesn't matter.

Oh, they're gone.

What the hell's going on?

Mutually Assured Destruction.

Girlfriend's fucking fucking big black cock.

You shut up, you fucking stupid Jew.

In public.

Wherever the fuck she's going, you know, every week she goes to a different country.

Jesus murderers.

Wherever she goes, it's always big black cock.

Anything else, Lego, you want to say?

God damn that Janet Reno.

God damn that Channarino.

I heard that big black cock. She's disgracing us.

What are you going to do with Eric the Midget?

I don't know what.

Fuck Eric the Midget.

I thought you were calling in because you wanted to get in on the prank with Eric the Midget.

No, I called to say I heard you were on. I just want to say, yo, my brother, I'll hang up. I love you.

No, no, let's do something funny. Call Edo. Do the international call, please.

Okay. You guys aren't even responding to me. Hang on. Let me put the call in here for you.

We're going to call this restaurant in Australia, okay?

It's an Italian restaurant. It's a restaurant and pizzeria, okay?

Okay.

Great.

Okay.

Hang on, everybody.

What continent?

Australia.

Motherfucker.

What continent are we going?

Oh, God.

Johannes?

Yeah, how you doing, mate?

Yeah, how you doing?

Can you hear me, pal?

Sorry?

Yeah, can you hear me?

Yes.

Okay, listen.

Are you the books?

Yes.

Okay, I'm from Brooklyn, New York City.

You understand?

Yep.

I'm going to come down there and show you how to make pizza that doesn't taste like

a manhole cover, okay?

I don't understand. Are you going to come down and show me how to make pizza?

Yeah, like a real man from Brooklyn. I'm from Brooklyn.

From Brooklyn.

That's correct. Speak it to my brother. My brother there, Giuseppe. Giuseppe.

Um, you forget your brother. I'm Luigi. I'm Luigi. You're Giuseppe, you freak.

Oh, go ahead.

Listen, let me tell you, man. Your pizza there, honestly, you put too much sauce in it.

It has too much salt, and honestly, you need a good slap in the mouth.

Okay, that's a good idea.

Come and slap me then.

Come and slap to you?

No, I'll come and slap to me if I need to slap.

Listen, let me...

Who are you?

Listen, listen, we're in New York City.

We want to know.

No, I don't want to talk to you, okay?

Bye-bye.

One more thing.

Great.

Thank you for using Sprint.

You're welcome.

That was great.

You know why you weren't fucking Giuseppe?

Because I was talking about Carlito.

You had to jump in there.

You're fucking supposed to wait your turn.

No, Lego can go up, man.

Oh, I thought I was Giuseppe.

I always go last.

I'm passing it back to him.

He'll drop it off to you.

I suck at this.

Got that work in order now?

Yes.

Let's do it, baby.

All right, let's call Chili's in Australia next.

Carlito could just be Carlito because that's a fun name.

It is.

Thank you for that.

Hey, let's call Chili's in Australia.

Do you guys want to hang on for another one?

Australia?

Australia Chili's.

Yeah.

Excrement.

Okay, I'll start it off myself.

Yeah, I like your voice when you do the Batman. I jerk off to that.

Okay, here we go. Alright, let's do it.

I got my markers ready. I got my markers ready.

And we'll do that.

We heard it.

How many? Do you remember?

You're starting the call, you know.

I'm going. You go, you go.

Will I answer the phone?

Hey, sir. Can you speak a little slower for me, please?

Hey, what was that again?

Yeah, excellent. Just like that, baby.

Let me ask you a question.

Listen, hey, um, I didn't know you had sugar in your baby back ribs.

Hello, are you there, sir?

Bag it.

What a douchebag.

Thank you for using Sprint.

Thank you for letting us use Sprint.

I kind of liked the way you were going with that.

I was trying to, the whole thing, but fucking whatever.

Anyway.

What's that sound in the background?

It's like someone's got an oxygen tent.

Zolar's in an oxygen tent tonight.

Anyway.

Well, that's not me, man.

Yeah.

I like the way you were going with that.

Hey, guess what?

Sorry, there I go.

Guess what?

What? The Dunkin' Donuts? We got a woman answering at the Dunkin' Donuts.

You know the Dunkin' Donuts? The crazy ass motherfucker?

Of course.

His mom is answering again.

I love Dunkin' Donuts.

Is he playing some kind of sound effects against us?

I don't know. What's that buzzing noise?

I don't know what he's doing.

You guys be quiet.

What's that noise? Are you running like a fucking sawmill over there?

Oh, yeah.

A sawmill?

Oh, shit.

You want to call a liquor store in Australia? I got one of those, too.

Yeah, liquor.

Liquor.

Liquor? I just met her.

Hey.

Oh, okay.

Poker in the front, poker in the rear.

Yeah, it's great.

Killed in the...

We'll be right back with you next call.

Did you see my new video?

Hey, what's that video, Leggo?

Explain that for us real quick before I see that.

You just gotta kind of go see it.

Okay.

It's pretty self-explanatory.

It's a must-see.

You know what?

I really hope...

All you need to do is pull a big booger out of your nose.

It just...

What?

Like, how fucking...

I was like, look at him.

He's got time on his side.

He could have fixed the fucking stream.

Wow.

Yeah, but, you know, I was a little pissed off.

I already called KDK.

Everything's okay.

Well, good.

I'm glad you guys made up and everything.

Well, he's a pretty ugly dude.

He's not fucking easy to look at.

All right, you guys continue arguing over there about that.

Debate that, and we'll get the next call coming up here.

Hang on.

Who's taking this one, by the way?

That's what we thought you were doing.

We're fucking vamping here.

No, that's fine.

Who's taking this one?

Well, Lego, it's your turn, if you want, in the order of things.

Who is this now?

This is Porter's Liquor in Sydney, Australia.

Okay.

Oh, no, he refuses to let you know.

Okay, I'm making...

I'm here, I'm talking.

Son of a bitch, I'm talking this whole time.

Who is it we're calling?

Porter's Liquor.

How come it's that we can't hear you when you're talking?

There's something wrong with this phone line, dude.

Sorry.

There's something wrong with the phone line.

Do you guys hear me now?

Must be blocking.

Jesus Christ.

He's talking?

Yes, indeed, he's talking.

I keep forgetting to listen for the minutes.

17.

We regret that there is currently congestion in the overseas network,

or that the number you have dialed is busy.

Please try again later.

and it really would make you work to dial the number

damn it, I'm using the international UK card

so it's charging me up the wazoo

I just wasted the whole card in those two or three calls

instead of using the Australia card

it said 17 minutes left

17, yeah, I got a card that has like

another hour left for the Australia

Australia numbers, but I guess

I don't know, I guess it's not working

I've got England here, but it's super late over there guys

I don't know if you want to try that

unless some loser comes through with some other numbers here

here we go, right now, liquor stop

just confirmed by Lonesome Loser in Australia.

Liquor Stop.

You guys don't mind holding to try to get...

It's Legos' turn.

I'm sorry Legos is taking so long.

I know it's your pet peeve.

What are we calling?

This is Liquor Stop in Australia,

in Parramatta, New South Wales.

What you want to do is put a card game in the back

so you could just name the place,

Liquor in the front, Poker in the rear.

Okay.

I don't know what to do.

Hang on, guys.

Hey, fuck you, I just gave you a good one.

I don't know how to get to die by the pizza guy.

No, he's not too fly to skip this pizza guy.

Hold on a second, I hope you...

Yeah, hey, hello. Is this the liquor place?

Yes.

Hey, look, man, I gotta tell you something. I'm gonna have to take you guys to court.

Okay.

I got a real problem with you and your company.

Let me just tell you what happened.

And I drank a lot of it, and then my girlfriend came over.

Like, will you marry me?

And I'm so fucking drunk from your fucking told her I'd marry her.

Now I got fucking five kids, I'm married, she's fucking draining me financially,

And I'm I'm fucking pissed off man. I'm gonna have to fucking sue you and the people you know

Okay, what do you got it? I mean whoa you know have you ever heard of such a thing?

Bitch won't leave me alone

Fucking pulls my cock dry

She makes me watch German porn all night

Yeah

Americans are all the same. Come back to bed now and get off my trip.

You hear her?

Uh-huh.

Get off my trip.

Athena, Athena, shut up, Athena. Go suck some black cock somewhere.

Find me a nice big black cock, honey.

See? You see what I got to deal with? I drank your vodka and I fucking was drunk.

I never would have married this bitch.

Okay.

That's what I'm trying to tell you. Now watch about it.

Hello?

Listen, listen, do you have anything else I could drink?

I can get really fucked up and I'll shoot her.

I'm sorry, I can't help you with that.

Sir, would you like a blowjob?

I'd like to come over and suck your cock for a bottle.

Well, I'll tell you what, I'm going to, how about this?

How about I drop her off at your place, you drink a little bit, and you can steal her from me.

She's nice, she's blonde, she's got big tits.

Can I give you a little head, love?

Can I give you a little head tonight?

She's over here at my flat.

Oh my god, you've got to be kidding me.

I'm not, I'm, bro, I'm not kidding you. This, this has been going on for a while and I, I just, I can't, I can't take her anymore, dude.

What should I do? Should I just, should I fucking, should I pull her larynx out or something?

No, I don't know, sorry.

Hey, could you tell me something, love? Is your circum, is your penis circumcised?

You see this? She likes uncircumcised penises. That's why she don't like me.

Can you let the bloke answer me? Let the bloke answer me, dammit.

Are you circumcised, sir?

Who is this anyway? Can you help me over to you?

Can you let the bloke answer me, you stupid motherfucker?

Sir, are you circumcised?

Is this a GF or what?

Can you tell me if you're circumcised, sir?

I'm not telling you that.

How many inches are you packing?

Definitely ain't telling you that either.

Are you queer, fella?

Uh, no.

So you like a nice pussy, do you?

Who is this?

Can you talk to me, son Carlito?

He's 12.

Carlito, get on the phone with this nice man.

He's going to let me suck his cock.

I don't know what this woman's talking about.

I don't want to talk to you, dude.

Carlito?

Yes?

Damn you, can you hear me?

Please, in the name of...

Hello?

In the name of all those good and almighty, talk to me.

Can you hear me?

Yes.

Can you hear me, my son?

Yes.

Have you been looking in the desert for the Jesus of all Christ here with us?

No.

Why do you not seek out Jesus?

He's calling you, my son.

Is he?

In the name of the Holy Spirit,

with my holy book,

I can bring you

into the fires of hell and outwards

and into the light of the Lord.

Okay.

Are you prepared, my son, to be saved?

He's a bloody preacher, you hear?

My son thinks he's a bloody preacher.

Are you prepared, I say, to...

All the whiskey for me, son.

Call it out.

Enjoy it.

And spit out the evil demon of the liquor

that you have in your house.

The liquor of the Satan.

Are you prepared to dump me?

Alright, I did lose it.

I don't know where I was going with that, but thank you.

Well, at least that guy didn't know what hit him, dude.

He didn't know when to hang up.

Yeah, he was like, okay.

Zola, that's an excellent British-sounding, horny old lady voice.

I like that.

That was great.

Thank you.

I patented after Ozzy Osbourne's wife, Sharon.

Oh, okay.

Dude, we gotta use that tomorrow.

Sharon!

I got Matilda's ice cream and fairy floss.

What do you think Fairy Floss is, Andy?

I gotta go.

I gotta pee up.

Get out of here, then, Lego.

Get out of here.

Captain Bringdown.

Lego, whatever.

Bye, Lego.

Thanks, you failed us.

He just hangs up like that.

Zola, are you still there?

Did you hang up, too?

Zola hung up, too.

Fine.

Zola, your last chance.

Zola, Zola, Zola.

Okay, fine.

They both hang up.

Excuse me.

Matilda's Ice Cream and Fairy Floss.

I'm saying Fairy Floss.

I think that's cotton candy.

That's probably what they call it over there.

And we also have Mr. Nice Cream.

Nice Cream.

How about we do one more prank before we call it a night?

Or how about we have to take this?

Oh, it's Clone Homegrown.

Clone Homegrown, you're on the air.

Go ahead.

Hey, Clone, how you doing, man?

I'm all right.

Good to hear.

What happened Tuesday, man?

A technical difficulty, man.

All right.

You know...

Hopefully I don't have enough upload speed or whatever.

Just get yourself a phone.

I think...

This is what I think.

I think it's trying to conference in a bunch of idiots, you know,

and trying to run everything with that and conferencing,

and I don't think it works.

Well, just get yourself a phone and hook it up to a microphone.

You know, just do the old getaway that KDK does.

Just get one microphone and tape it to the one cordless phone and talk on the other one, man.

Just do it with the regular phone line.

Get up.

Do that or something.

We'll see.

It won't stop me, though.

Okay, I'm sure you'll figure something out, man.

All right.

I'm sure you'll figure something out.

How you been?

How's your week been?

I went to the doctor, got an erectile exam.

That hurt.

I bet it did.

One fingers or two?

Blood in my shit.

Oh, no.

Oh, bloody shit.

That's nasty, man.

You don't want that.

Blood, shit, and blood.

What the fuck?

Nobody wants that.

Blood, man.

Blood in my shit.

Oh.

Oh, wow.

Don't tell anybody.

You're on the air.

Don't tell nobody about it.

I got blood in my shit.

It's not a very good sign.

Is it bad if you shit green?

Uh, no.

It just means you ate too many fruity petals, I think.

Too many green.

You know what really fucks me up?

When I eat a lot of Oreos.

I like it to be fluffy when it comes out.

Fluffy?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a lot easier on the old ass.

Yeah, but they had to wipe too much at that point, too.

You know what I mean?

If you get a mess, there's this perfect ground in there where

if you wipe too much, it doesn't tear your ass off coming out.

Sometimes it feels like shit and bread.

Hot sauce will rip you up, yeah.

That doesn't bother me.

Hot sauce doesn't give me shit.

Sometimes it does for me.

Enough, we're talking shit talk.

So how's the old lady doing?

Was she excited about your show Tuesday?

Was she supportive?

She's from Australia.

That's good.

She's Australian,

Australian, dude.

She's not the cost in either, too snobby.

Oh, really?

Okay.

What about Tasmania?

They got two numbers in Tasmania right now.

What the hell is she from?

I could not deal with that accent on a woman.

I would shoot myself. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, dude. That would just...

Can you ask her to say

shine your shoes governor real quick for me?

Oh, come on.

Come on, lady. Come on, let's clone.

Shine your shoes governor.

Thanks for that. You want to do a call?

You want to call Mr. Nice Cream?

Mr. Nice Cream in Longford, Tasmania?

Nice Cream.

What's the name of the weed that they were selling in half-baked?

Mr. Nice Guy.

Mr. Nice Guy. Yeah, that's what it was.

Mr. Nice Guy.

You gonna do a bong rip or you, um...

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You're potted up here.

That's much better.

Okay.

Um, let's, uh...

Let's call this people.

Let's call Mr. Nice Cream.

We'll grab back everybody in one moment.

We'll call him home.

You have call barring activated for this phone.

Please check the call restrictions set up on your Vodafone.

I don't know what the hell she's saying.

You've got call restrictions if you don't take it properly.

Oh, why can't they just say we don't take block numbers?

Why they gotta be so proper?

You have call dialing...

You have call dialing plan AB12 on your phone.

You cannot use that.

Shut up.

Goddamn. We could try...

Call up that 707 number I sent you.

You sent me a number, didn't you?

Um...

What is your name again, clone little girl?

Hang on, let me find it here.

Gotcha, I'm kidding.

Um...

You can just call me clone, man.

because that CHD shit just sounds like you're trying to cago or something.

Yeah, that doesn't sound right.

That'd be CHI.

But, okay, this is your version of Crazy Dave, I guess.

Some guy named, what is it now?

Marty.

Okay.

Oh, I talked to him.

I remember this guy, Marty.

Okay, we talked to him last week.

All right, let's do that.

Hang on, everybody.

Here comes Marty.

What's busy, man?

Pure bitch, motherfucker.

Game over, man.

Game over.

He was home earlier.

Yeah.

He probably just took his phone off the hood.

Off the hood.

No, he's...

Took his phone off the hook.

He's actually pretty cool.

He's getting used to me.

Oh, yeah?

Good.

He'll talk to me.

He was talking about the yellow tide and shit, you know.

Okay.

Which is the gooks coming in, taking over America.

Wow.

Scary.

He's a trooper.

Well, he's done a good thing.

All right, clone.

We're going to call it a night here on the show.

It's almost 1 o'clock.

So thank you very much for calling in.

Best of luck to you.

And please call in next week.

It wouldn't be the same without you, man.

And remember, save the drama for your mama.

Save the drama for your mama.

That's what Junkyard Bullet would say.

All right, man.

Andy, say goodbye.

All right.

I'm tired.

I've got to get to sleep, man.

Yeah.

What about you?

Are you going to get ready to go home?

Yeah.

Sure.

It's that time.

All right, everybody.

Well, thanks for everybody who listened in.

Thank you very much.

Let me just give a big thanks to Lonesome Loser.

He confirmed a lot of numbers tonight, and he provided me with a card to call Australia

with, so that was really awesome.

Thank you very much, Lonesome Loser.

You came through, man.

I think we had some decent calls.

Thanks.

We pretty much talked to a lot of people tonight.

Just phones off the hook, right?

Right.

Pretty much the whole night.

I've seen it that way.

I didn't get to do much of my own thing, and Andy didn't get to do our normal bullshitting

for the first part of the show, but that's fine.

We kept you guys happy, and our number stays strong all night, so we're going to call it

a night.

Thank you to Lonesome Loser, as I said.

Thank you to Dr. Lego for providing our stream.

Thank you to everybody who called in.

Andy, real quick, we've got Zolark, Homegrown, Lego.

We've got one guy.

Sean Ward.

Yeah, Sean Ward.

Reclude.

Milkman.

And Milkman, yeah.

And Reclude.

Yeah, Reclude.

Yeah.

Yeah, that seems like so long ago, man.

We've been on for like three hours and shit.

Good.

We'll catch you here next week, of course, on Thursday.

Be sure to visit the homepage of the Madhouse.

Madhouse Radio, that is.

I'm trying to get used to calling it Madhouse Radio.

I like that better.

Madhouse Radio.

MadhouseLive.com.

That's MadhouseLive.com.

Be sure to visit PCUradio.com.

Tomorrow, there will be no Zolar show.

I do know that Zolar has a prior engagement going on.

So, I believe Lego is going to go on tomorrow, supposedly.

If not, then I'm sure the Joop kids will go on.

So listen to that tomorrow.

PCU Radio here tomorrow night.

We have a show pretty much every night of the week.

Except for Monday, Tuesday.

Yeah, well, we have a Tuesday show now.

Wednesdays and Saturdays you can catch KDK.

On Fridays you can catch Zolar normally or Dr. Lego.

On Sundays you can catch Sean Ward occasionally.

And on Saturdays you can also hear Joop.

And Cade Lone is there someday.

I don't remember when.

I don't have time to find out.

So I'm going to go to sleep.

And like I said, I'm busy.

So I'm going to go.

Andy, any shout-outs you want to give out real quick?

No.

No problem. No need to apologize, Andy.

Thank you, everybody.

We'll catch you here next week.

God bless.

And yes.

me oh i ain't getting my number i got your dirty laundry i got your dirty laundry over here

on my face

nobody else in my house

i heard your whole conversation don't don't make me call call the police

yeah you know what's up yeah i'm gonna blackmail you i'm so scared

how much you gonna charge you gotta pick somebody up over here to attack you down

man this ain't no motherfucking task

All the time I'm fucking picking somebody up, I'm whooping his goddamn ass.

I kicked your ass, you son of a bitch, you and your goddamn mother.

What?

Your mother.

You motherfucking nigger, how you like that, you piece of shit?

I know, you're a fucking nigger, son of a bitch.

You nigger, motherfucker.

She's probably a nigger, man.

Really?

Man, I'm a motherfucking bitch that pried a goddamn phone.

If you're a white man that don't want to hear from no goddamn niggers, call me in the fucking middle of the night.

Listen, listen more, listen more.

Listen, boy, I'll show you a boy in a 12-gauge shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen, cracker, listen here, cracker, listen here, cracker.

You got that, cracker?

I'll show you some fucking three-letter, motherfucker.

I'll see you here, I'll see you here.

Are you Michael Frazier?

Man, this ain't Michael Frazier, man.

This motherfucker's a white man.

What time is that?

Look, let me just ask you real quick.

First of all, why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you, you stupid bitch.

Please, Andrew, what are you doing, man?

Staying in Honolulu.

You got a date, you know what I'm saying?

Chicken.

You out to hit the street?

Yeah.

You can't get to the K, yo.

Yo, just dip a wing in your pocket and run it up to me.

Yeah, but I'm only one over here.

I cannot drop a chicken on you.

We would give you a couple hundred dollars, though.

Even though, guys.

Are you ready?

I wish I was the governor.

Just pretend I'm sitting on you, okay?

No problem.

Okay, I'm gonna go.

Yeah, I gotta go.

Please do wash your hands.

Yeah.

Some kind of life you have where you have to do this stuff.

So this is a very interesting radio you have.

Very interesting radio thing if you have that, you know?

Because it just shows me that you have, like, nothing going.

No, I got plenty.

This is what we do, man.

I do this all the time.

I get lots of votes.

This is what you do, like, you know what I mean?

Talk stupid.

Yeah, yeah.

Really, huh?

People actually listen to this shit.

Everybody listens to this shit, man.

Not everybody, because anybody with a half a brain that I know don't listen.

Anyway, half her brain would listen to this show instead of eating your shitty-ass pizza.

How old are you?

Thirteen.

Yeah, fucking right.

You sound like you're fucking eighteen or nineteen.

I'm thirteen, I said.

Yeah, right.

Yes, I was born thirteen years ago, last Friday.

I'm hanging up, and you better not call.

Do you have stripes in your underwear?

Do I have what?

Stripes in your underwear.

You are a sick fuck.

Come on, let me talk to your sister, man.

Be a pal.

No!

Have you ever seen your sister naked?

No!

Calls (12, 36 min of 2 h 12 min)

Transcript

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