2006-07-06 Show

There will be no order, only chaos.

That being said, grab a blunt, take a big hit, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

The following is an exclusive of PCU Radio and MadhouseLive.com.

Flight controllers, listen up.

When you go, no go for long.

Booster.

Go.

Retro.

Go.

Vital.

Go fly.

Guidance.

Guidance go.

Surgeon.

Go going.

Just go.

We're go fly.

GNC.

We're go.

Tell me.

Go.

Control.

Go fly.

procedures go inco go fao we are go network go recovery go capcom we're go fly launch control

this is houston we are go for launch

i know drug real from real real chris i take this today first of all um when you shut the

hell once you shut the hell up fuck you fuck you fernie pay the shit the baby is only a little

crazy, like painters or composers or some of those men in Washington.

We're so high right now.

We're not low.

Smoke weed everyday.

Oh. Yeah.

Andy say something.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

I forgot to turn the fucking music down.

Here we go.

Improvement.

All right.

Hey, everybody.

It's the Madhouse.

Madhouse Radio.

That's what I mean to say.

This is Madhouse.

I'm trying to not say it's the Madhouse.

I want to say Madhouse Radio.

I like it better.

Doesn't that sound better?

Madhouse Radio.

Yeah, it sounds smart.

We're good.

No, I'm saying say the difference in the two names.

Oh, the two names.

Madhouse Radio and Madhouse Radio.

No, well, we're MadhouseLive.com.

I want to call the show Madhouse Radio.

Like, you know, you're listening to Madhouse Radio, not you're in the Madhouse.

I think I'm past that now.

I don't like that.

I don't like it.

It sounds amateurish.

You don't want, like, a fake space where everyone can feel like they're together.

Like Madhouse.

Yeah, I want to say this is a Madhouse Radio show.

This is Madhouse Radio.

Yeah, I want to start terming it Madhouse Radio from now on.

So I've got to get rid of all of our references to Madhouse.

You're listening to the Madhouse.

I'd rather say you're listening to Madhouse Radio.

I don't know why.

But this is something that I'm working on tonight, so help me, everybody.

buddy uh andy in the studio how you doing andy what's up everybody what's up good to have you

back with us tonight andy what we're talking about we're talking about something else damn

it i stopped the wrong one what we're talking about damn it police academy police academy

that's right yeah okay so now i i was i was thinking the police academy series got ruined

when they started that guy remember miles remember they got uh rid of uh of harris you know chief

harris you know who that was i forgot the original bad guy yeah the original guy that

that used to call people Dirtbag.

It was Sergeant Mouser.

Sergeant Mouser was a dork.

He was like,

you don't remember Sergeant Mouser,

so you don't know the police academy.

No, I think Sergeant Mouser was the bad guy.

Yeah, he was.

The mean sergeant.

Yeah, no, no, no.

Originally, it was Captain Harris, I think,

in the beginning, right?

I thought Captain Harris was always a good guy,

like the really stupid guy.

No, no, no.

Captain Harris was the guy that always,

he was the asshole in the first one.

He was, you know.

I thought Sergeant Mouser was the guy

that was a big asshole,

and then the corporal was like,

He had the lack.

He was like Corporal Son or other.

Well, what's the guy from?

Captain Harris is from the first one.

He's the bad guy.

I thought Captain Harris was the real nice, goofy.

No, he was the guy from Gomer Pyle.

He was the sergeant in Gomer Pyle, the asshole.

That was Mouser.

That was not Mouser.

All right.

It was Captain Harris.

Go look at the fucking website.

Find out for us.

But I think Captain Harrison and Mouser took over.

Sergeant Mouser.

Sergeant Mouser was a dork.

I hated Sergeant Mouser.

That's when they started with Proctor.

Remember Proctor?

He was like the lackey bad guy.

Yeah, that was in the beginning, dude.

That was not.

Proctor was in the first one.

Proctor came in the second one.

Well, Sergeant Mouser was in the first one.

Those are great movies, man.

You think about it.

They have everything.

Remember, they had the two racist rednecks.

They got their car messed up by Hightower, right?

Yeah.

And then you had Tackleberry.

He's dead now.

He died of a heart attack.

Are you serious?

Remember Tackleberry's, I think, daughter was marrying a guy, right?

I don't know if Tackleberry got married.

Yeah, and then they used to just, that guy used to just fist fight his dad.

Yeah, his brother-in-law and father-in-law would just fight each other all the time.

They'd just start hitting each other, it was great.

It would escalate to the point where they're like killing each other practically and stuff, yeah.

A lot.

Remember Hooks, she didn't talk very much.

She was stupid, because once in a movie she yelled.

That was all she did.

Towards the end of the movie, she yelled and everybody got mine.

She should have hooked up a Hightower, though.

I think they did.

remember they had

and there was a

big chested woman

and then the

Japanese guy

got with her

he ruined it

that's when

it turned to shit

as soon as she showed up

those movies suck

when you couldn't

see your karate

from like a

black guy

and make crazy noises

you had to see it

from an actual Chinaman

so the end

but then that

second era brought

we were talking

Sweet Chuck

that guy

and Bobcat Goldway

that was in part 3

that was

all the same guys

from the original

were still in that one

I think

it was after the

4 one

when

what was the lead guy

what was his name

Mahoney

yeah

Steve Guttenberg

yeah when Steve Guttenberg

went on to do

real important movies

yeah he did a lot

of really important stuff

yeah

and then it was coming

in Lessard's brother

or son or something

I don't know

we're talking too much

about Police Academy

they had some other guy

take over

it was like the mean

and not the mean

but like you know

the cool guy

who was like the leader

of the

Captain Lessard

Earth Dog is telling us

is that who it was

he had the dumb pet fish

remember he was stupid

that guy

That was stupid

Didn't some guy suck his dick in the first one

Or he thought that Mahoney sucked his dick

Or something like that

Who was the bad guy in the first one

The mean cop

Captain Harris

I'm pretty sure it was Captain Harris

Captain Harris or Sergeant Harris

He was a mean cop

And then under him was Mouser

Under him was nobody

He had that woman

That woman worked for him

I don't remember the first one

As much as I do the second and third one

like the fourth one

yeah

well

good times man

so much

Michael Winslow

making noises

and stuff

and all that mess

there was that one guy

who had really bad luck

and everything

would always collapse

like he like

threw an apple

in the first one

he ate an apple

he threw the core

and it hit some guy

some white guy

and he bumped into

a black guy

and this big race riot

started

that was the whole

end of the movie

I don't remember

this is so funny

it was like this big riot

it was funny

as far as when

the sergeant

and the corporal guy

got sent to the

gay nightclub

Where the guys are in leather and they're...

I got that song here.

Hang on.

I think I have that song.

The Blue Oyster, right?

Yeah, the Blue Oyster.

I think I have the song here.

What's his face?

It always ends up being there.

Hang on.

This is it.

Okay, hang on.

I'll play it.

This is the one.

It's the only clip of this I can find.

It's like 15 seconds long.

It's the number one song on KDK's iPod.

This plays when...

That's right.

That plays when KDK starts his computer.

Yeah.

The Blue Oyster gay bar music.

Okay, so Lonesome Loser is in the chat room and he's sending us stuff.

We haven't even properly said what's going on.

Again, Madhouse Radio, the toll-free line is not working tonight.

It will be out of commission this week.

I'm sorry.

We cannot take your toll-free calls now.

If you happen to be one of those people out there who happen to have the direct line,

the hotline to the Madhouse, feel free to call in later on.

We're not going to be taking any live calls this week.

Unfortunately, I do apologize.

That will be back next week.

Technical difficulties.

Only the Madhouse Elite are allowed to call this week, I guess.

Only the Madhouse VIPs.

A lot of you probably can't be trusted with the home phone number.

Can't be.

Yeah.

These people don't respect the phone, Andy.

Carlito says, check out, they're making a new one with Steve Guttenberg again.

There's a new Police Academy coming out with Steve Guttenberg?

I guess he's not doing anything anymore.

That's good.

I'd watch that.

Talk about Bruce Lee.

I don't know anything about Bruce Lee, Andy.

You know anything about Bruce Lee?

Have you ever been into his movies?

I watched, like, Enter the Dragon.

I've never even done that.

I don't think he was so tough.

He was a short little fuck.

Yeah, he weighed 130 pounds.

He was really fast.

So what?

What about Jackie Chan?

You think you could take him?

Who would win that fight in real life if they were both in their prime?

Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, Jackie Chan.

Well, Jackie Chan was a tumbler.

He sucked.

Yeah.

I took my own stunt.

Yeah.

Who's the best martial artist now?

Making movies?

Yeah.

Gently?

Yeah, probably.

Yeah, I guess so.

Even then, I don't think he's that tough.

Steven Seagal.

If you put Jet Li in the UFC, he'd get his ass beat.

I think Chuck Norris in his prime is probably the best one who's still alive right now.

Karate is, from what I understand, is totally ineffective as a martial art in an actual fight.

But they don't do karate.

They have other styles.

I'm just saying.

They're mainly karate guys because it looks best.

That's what they're known as.

Okay.

Well, that's that side discussion there.

Yeah.

There's your Bruce Lee discussion.

Okay?

We don't like him that much.

I don't know much about him.

Manny doesn't recommend him to me.

My favorite two karate movies are...

Rumble of the Bronx, yo.

Yo, they filmed that shit in Toronto.

It was so crazy.

Yo, it's not even the Bronx, son.

No, I like...

Fuck, anything right now.

Bloodsport and Kickboxer.

Those are two of my favorites.

Especially Bloodsport.

Bloodsport?

Yeah, Bloodsport was watching Street Fighter on TV

before Street Fighter even came out, I think.

Jean-Claude Van Damme.

You know, it had the big fat guy, it had the black guy who fought like a monkey, it had the huge Chinese guy.

What's the one with Jean-Claude where he was like, is it Bloodsport the one where that biker guy gets killed or put in the hospital and you're friends with him?

Yeah.

That movie's always on the WB station here, like every weekend.

The only movies I've probably seen more than that are Big Trouble in Little China and They Live.

I watch them any time I see them on TV.

Yeah, those movies are frequently here in Orlando.

I mean, I'm sure every town has their movies that are always on the affiliate station,

you know, the Fox station and shit.

I would say that one that we're talking about at First Bloodsport

is probably the most popular one you see on.

Yeah, I think there's not a single person alive who didn't have cable

who hasn't watched that movie more than any other movie.

It's any male alive who hasn't watched that movie more than any other movie on television.

It's nonstop, crazy kung fu action.

yeah well um let's see katie k says that my toll-free line messes up too no okay jonathan

yeah okay the reason that the toll-free line isn't on tonight it's not that i didn't pay the

bill but it is that i didn't pay the bill the thing is that uh the credit card that i was billing

uh that on billing the toll-free line on uh had to be canceled because i thought i had lost it i

thought i lost my wallet and funnily enough it was in my back pocket the whole time i never put

put my wallet in my back pocket and i searched the whole car and i went back to the 7-eleven

that i last used it at like 10 minutes before i noticed and she said she didn't have it and i

accused her of lying to me and i went to the car and i canceled my debit card and my two credit

cards and everything and then and then the next morning i checked my jeans and they were in the

back pocket i feel really stupid about that so you probably you sat on him and smashed him so flat

that no one could ever find him and it just took him a day to like expanding it yeah exactly well

i thought i checked them and i guess i did it takes a lot of effort for me to reach to my back

and get my hand that far behind my girth so um now the the biggest problem here is that there's

a lot of stuff that automatically billed to my visa including the toll-free line including my

serious satellite radio and my cable bill and my phone bills and all that stuff my cell phone bill

so um i'm just letting them get canceled until i notice you know what i really need to have

as a priority right now i'm trying to budget myself a little more so like when the cell phone

goes out i know okay i need to you know call back and give them that number but there's stuff like

my xbox live that i never use and it builds to my credit card yeah i've had it since halo 2 came

out and i i don't even have the xbox hooked up since i moved here and i moved here in january

i would kill you at halo yeah so that's you know that's something like that won't be billing

anyway in the process i forgot to call call eight the company that i did a toll-free line with with

the new credit card number so they tried to bill it and didn't go through so they turned it off and

i don't have my new credit cards yet so by next week i should have my new card in the mail and

i'll call them you know they turn and i said as you earlier andy they charge they're charging me

a ten dollar fine because the line got shut off they're charging me a ten dollar reconnect fee

on the toll-free line that's bullshit that's like half of what i pay a month for the toll-free

real life true that's bullshit so yeah so now you know i do spend money i don't make a damn penny i

don't ask for donations or anything to do this show i thought that's what you were doing just

now no i wasn't no i wasn't actually but um so everybody should send in 50 cents yes do you give

them their address no no unless carly says i have a safety deposit box maybe we'll set up something

for donations i'm never gonna get them so why even bother you know people don't even buy the shirts

and those are free i don't make any money off those shirts those are for cost they i sell a

a shirt for $6.99. It's costing me

$6.99 to make it, so...

I'm not making any money at all on anything

in the Madhouse Radio store. You should charge a dollar for them.

Yeah. Well, then I lose money on them. No, I'm saying a dollar more.

Oh, a dollar more? Yeah, well, don't advise

it anyway. I don't want to start doing... Yeah, you know...

Does it say up there how much it costs to make it,

or does it just say how much it costs?

No, it tells me. It tells me. But when did they

go and buy it? Yeah, well, when they

go... No, it doesn't tell them. Yeah, raise the price a little bit.

You shouldn't even mention it. You're right.

Yeah. You'll probably sell one of my shirts.

So get a Madhouse Radio shirt.

They're available on madhouselive.com, the homepage for this website.

Now, the Madhouse Radio Network is back in work in order.

We have an affiliate picking us up tonight for the first time.

We are starting really slow.

I'd like to thank TBigRadio over at tbigradio.com.

They're an iTunes-listed fucking stream.

We're supposed to do a warning?

Oh, yeah, we're supposed to do a warning.

Here's a warning.

The following show may contain subject matter of a mature nature, adult content, radio nudity, and perhaps profanity.

Well, there will be profanity.

And you will get wet while you listen to the show tonight.

So please, if you're young, don't listen.

Go to sleep.

It's past curfew right now.

But we're supposed to say that.

So we said it there, everybody.

We can say whatever you want on iTunes now.

So listen on the iTunes Music Store.

Or be sure to visit tbigradio.com.

Also, of course, we're on PCU Prank Call Underground Radio.

Be sure to visit pcuradio.com, pcuradio.com, as well as kdkprankcalls.com.

KDK as in kill, death, kill.

kdkprankcalls.com.

And do that.

I submitted PCU Radio to be included in the iTunes live radio listing, and I haven't heard a response.

I don't know if maybe we're outside of the range of what they'll let up there.

Maybe they won't let you have a prank call station.

Who knows?

Yeah, they might be, like, legal.

Yeah, I guess.

Well, right now they have, like, cursing on comedy stations and stuff, so I don't understand.

But it is a holiday week.

It's an odd week.

It was a short work week this week, and it takes normally a week to go through,

so I'll give it a few days before I give up on it.

So hopefully PCU will be on iTunes.

I understand that the shoutcast problem has not been fixed,

but we are also being broadcast on Dr. Lego's stream,

DrLego at PrankTheWorld.com

PrankTheWorld.com and he'll be doing a show

I don't know when

Andy there's a video online of DrLego and Billy Mira

And Zudo and some other guy

And they're playing Van Halen music on the 4th of July

I saw it at work today

The first thing I did when I got to work today

Is I saw it on the computer at work

And that's how I started my day

What everybody in your office downloaded it?

No I just found it online

And I played it

You do searches for DrLego?

All the time

He posted it in the forums

so that's that we do prank calls here and we do talk and uh normally we take your calls but not

tonight where's my phone right there okay so in the chat room over at uh pcuradio.com

kdkprankcalls.com and madhouselive.com in the chat room uh lonesome loser is uh giving us

plenty of numbers there is a blue oyster restaurant in dallas texas that's funny i wonder if they get

that call a lot dino the clown now we called bino the clown last week in um in britain now we have

dino the clown in seattle uh we have a location named insane chaos we got club mutt what do you

think that is insane chaos an old guy answer to insane chaos i don't know with a big booty bread

company all right booty's parlor booty's parlor and booty's place so we got plenty to work with

With Lonesome Loser, thank you very much.

Our featured PC radio official number obtainer, confirmer, and content provider.

Thank you very much, Lonesome Loser.

Now, if you want to reach us on AOL Instant Messenger, madhouseradio.com.

Again, that's madhouseradio.com.

That's on AOL Instant Messenger.

And Yahoo Messenger, madhousepcuradio.com, madhousepcuradio.com.

M-S-N Messenger, MadhousePCURadio at Hotmail.com, and the toll-free line is not up.

Be sure to visit MadhouseLive.com, and also email us here, MadhouseRadio at Gmail.com, MadhouseRadio at Gmail.com.

Thank you, everybody, in the chat room.

As said before, Lonesome Loser, of course, we have Joop and KDK making an appearance.

The Milkman is in there.

Milkman, a co-host here, the program director of the Madhouse, has been missing lately.

Hopefully, we'll be able to get him back on the air soon.

The criminal genius behind it.

The criminal genius behind it, that is the Madhouse.

So, hopefully, we have him return on the air soon.

It's just, we're having trouble.

Hit City Radio, Austin Moore.

Isn't that his name, Austin Moore?

This is the guy.

He's over at tbigradio.com again.

Thank you very much.

Nunu has sent in a number for Margaret Short.

She's a fat rights activist from Colorado.

Keith hacked her voicemail on Sunday, but I think she deleted his message.

Yada, yada, yada.

Again, that's Margaret Short in Colorado, a fat rights activist.

Well, that's nice, huh?

I don't think we should mess with her.

We should call her and offer her a business.

We should donate.

You know what?

Tonight's going to be a whole process from tonight's show.

Go to that woman.

I forgot her name already.

ready uh taco milkshake in the chat room is giving me numbers and uh says try to make one or both of

these calls tonight i won't be here next week i'll be at mcguire air force base training can you play

some black panther music or some kkk music so that's poop i guess poo is going to the air force

now he must have done good on his asvab what could they possibly have him do no just to score high

on your asvab to go well go to the air force i mean air force needs uh cooks and you know janitor

Yeah, they do.

They did all that shit, too.

Fluffers.

Yeah, only a tiny percent of them actually fly stuff.

Exactly.

They need mechanics and cooks and all that.

Bobby in the chat room asked me to prank his friend.

Could I prank his friend David and his number without an area code?

Good one, Bobby.

Let's just call him all until we get it.

Hey, do you know Bobby?

Yo, David, yo.

Yo, I've been looking for you.

you yo i spent like 85 trying to find you yo so what's up bobby semi is his area code and i'll

call your friend david for you give me his last name and what's he do for a living is he like a

13 year old before i call him and try to hit on him or something or her uh randy dandy in the

chat room says itunes is full of little children okay and a clone homegrown likes the idea of the

blue oyster so anyway so that's that we're caught up here we're gonna do some calls andy i've got

got brand new um songs set up for our in-call stuff tonight i went through all the songs my

whole library and i tried to pick out stuff that we like that we play and shit so and i blew it up

here for you so it might be easier for you to read if you ever see anything you know you let

me know what you want to hear and i'll i'll play that for you okay right good i like i'm glad you

like that um i don't even know if this is right yeah it should be okay so um what are you thinking

the fat's right activist anything do you have anything to say on your anything going on you

you wanted to mention

real quick before we...

No, it's alright.

Nothing, okay.

Maybe later.

Okay, uh,

the Blue...

Oh, he's...

No.

Insane Chaos.

Let's talk to this old guy.

Yeah, you gotta find out

what that is.

Yeah.

I really wanna know

what that is.

Damn it, I had a new song

that I was gonna play

for the first time tonight.

One that I had downloaded

after a long time.

You know what I'm trying to say?

Yeah.

Well, shit.

It was an Eazy-E song.

I know how much you like

Eazy-E, too.

Shit.

Okay, well, never mind.

We'll play this.

We'll be right back,

everybody,

off the list. That's okay. That's how we learn stuff, Andy.

Hello? Hello, sir. How are you tonight?

I'm fine. Who's this? Uh, I'm in... My name?

Yeah, yeah. Uh, John Masters. I was curious about your

business. No, I'm really not interested in talking to you.

I'm interested... Can you explain the insane chaos to me,

please, sir? Excuse me, what? Can you explain chaos theory

to me? I'm a mathematician. I like to explain

what chaos is. Chaos? Chaos, yes. Chaos theory.

Hello? Yeah, hi. How you doing? Yes.

Hi, I'm a mathematician.

You're what?

I'm the guy from Jurassic Park, the mathematician.

He turned out to the fly that one time.

Jeff Goldblum.

You know me?

Hold on a second.

Okay.

Who is this guy?

Well, my name is Jeff Goldblum, and I'd like to know more information on chaos theory, please.

Chaos?

Chaos theory, yes, ma'am.

Oh, I don't want to discuss about it.

I was traveling in this vehicle once, and I got chased by a velociraptor.

All right, goodbye.

It was all chaotic.

Insane.

Okay.

She sounded like my mom.

She reminds me of my mom, Andy.

Oh, my mom.

So that was an interesting call.

That was the first call of the night, everybody.

Andy, your thoughts on that?

I liked it.

It was funny.

On a scale of 1 to 8?

I was cracked up real loud.

Good.

I like that, Andy.

Adds a lot to it.

Izzo's Illegal Burrito in Baton Rouge, Louisiana is now coming in.

Okay, Poop says he's not going to be a janitor.

He's going to bomb the shit out of the Sandniggers.

Fucking ragheads.

Well, he's got the right album.

He's got the right album.

They're not going to let him fly anything that costs, like, all that money.

He'll be cleaning toilets in Korea.

They're telling him right now that he could be a pilot,

but there's no way that guy could be a pilot.

He's going to be cleaning toilets on a base, like, in Japan or something like that.

He'll probably, like, my stepfather was in the Air Force,

and he, in Vietnam, he had a guard, like, a guard dog.

Yeah.

And he stood at the end of the runways and had to, like, guard them,

like, when planes were taking off.

That's kind of cool.

Yeah, so we picked that kid up.

That's easy.

Yeah, he said usually when the plane was up, he'd just start shooting

and figure that that was the best way.

He never even took the dog in the jungle at all.

Really?

Yeah.

That's all he wanted to do was just shoot.

He was like, that's stupid.

They'll kill you.

They'll kill you with the dog and slow you down.

He said, you know, if you're just shooting,

usually they just go ahead and shoot at the plane and they leave you alone.

He said he never even thought this thing would actually be out there.

Right.

He would just go out and shoot off all his ammo, you know, throughout the night.

That's kind of cool.

Where was he based at again?

Somewhere in Vietnam.

Oh, in Vietnam.

know yeah so he never actually saw one right really you know you know he saw them shooting up

yeah you know but like far away and shit really yeah he never got that close yeah because yeah

well he's gonna march in there with his dog yeah him and a dog yeah right fuck that yeah he played

it smart yeah he wasn't a hero just shoot all this shit to the yeah yeah so the best uh best

places to be dog for cover you just lay down behind it andy what do you think are the best

places to be stationed at if you're in the

military? I would say South

Korea and Japan are probably up there, right?

Yeah. Not Japan.

Japan? No, you want to be in Japan.

Yeah, why not? Japan would be nice.

Nah. They don't like

Americans there. They don't? I hear nothing but good

things from people who have been stationed in Japan.

I would say Hawaii, dude. Hawaii, yeah,

right? Pearl Harbor? Yep.

San Diego? That's a nice town.

Yeah. Can't complain about that.

I'm sure Orlando was up there when we had the

Naval Training Center here. It's hot here.

Yeah, but it's a nice climate.

I'd say Hawaii.

Hawaii, right?

Yeah, Pearl Harbor.

Maybe even Cuba.

That'd probably be nice.

Guantanamo Bay?

Yeah.

Nah.

I don't want to be in Guantanamo.

You can't even go out with the people and stuff.

You're always stuck in the bays.

Yeah.

That's true, too.

You got that one.

Guantanamo Bay, you get shot at all the time.

They always shoot at each other.

Well, same thing in South Korea on the DMZ.

I heard Iraq's nice.

Yeah, I heard that's really...

They're really...

The people are just so receptive there.

Austin Ward says he's got a number.

Send it on in, Austin Moore.

You know what to do.

I'd pop a bullet in one of those terrorists right now, says Taco Milkshake, a.k.a. Poople.

Good.

It's a good thing you're in the Air Force.

You get to do plenty of that behind your desk or at your console, nice and safe.

He's going to be flying like Predator aircraft.

No, he's not going to fly anything.

He's going to be in D.C.

He's going to be the guy who hands the pilot his sunglasses and donut.

It's off the plane.

Sunglasses and dodo?

Donut.

Oh, donut?

Yeah.

Those guys are in good shape, man.

No, the pilots don't lie to me.

Yeah, they do.

They always have to pass that physical stuff because they got to breathe.

They're like zero Gs and stuff, man.

Those guys are like athletes.

I got a real great score on the abs lab in high school.

Yeah.

So I took it just to get out of class.

And so they would offer me, I was like a fat kid there,

offering me all their best jobs.

The Air Force told me that I would be a combat controller.

Yeah.

So I turned that down.

We got a caller.

Update on this situation.

Zolar, you're on Madhouse Radio.

Hey, this is Big Fat Chaney Saturday, Dick Payne from the footsie.

Oh, what is it, Zolar?

Hey, Glenn.

What's up, buddy?

It's Dr. Lego, man.

Oh.

Hey, what's up?

Hey!

What the devil is this?

That's what I said.

I don't know.

It was some guy in New York, I thought.

Anyway, well, hey, New York, how you doing tonight?

ZOLAR! ZOLAR!

What's goin' guys?

Not much, Zolar from Zolar Vision.

Zolar, what's your real name?

Glenn, Glenn Shapiro.

Glenn Shapiro.

Shit.

Bullshit.

What, tell me about the movie, Dr. Leggo.

Not the movie, the video on YouTube.

How's it, how's it going for you?

Let me ask you a question.

What?

Oh, it is out there.

You like that, you like that shit?

Zolar's number came up, don't you?

You like that shit?

Yeah.

Oh, are you spoofing numbers or are you with Zolar right now?

Dude, I'm over at Zolar's house.

Good.

Yeah, I believe that.

I believe that more than I can believe Dr. Lego knows how to spoof a number.

That KDK just got them, you know?

Okay.

All right, that's good.

They've been alternating poppers and ecstasies since yesterday morning.

Poppers, man.

Yep.

Yeah, no, I'm spoofing.

Poppers.

Do straight people ever do poppers?

Who?

Isn't that a gay thing?

That's a gay drug, yeah.

What's a popper?

It's like a little bottle of, like, this really strong liquid or something.

Isn't it something like that?

Yeah, I think it's for, I don't know, something that has something to do with the asshole.

hole yeah well how would you know that dude because i've read like a lot of like uh you did

one in the 50s no like la confidential and the black dally and all that kind of stuff they talk

about it in there they talk about you yeah me too the dirty things yeah it's good to have you on

lego what's the status on the shoutcast server i'm allowed to ask you we're still working on that i

know we're prank the world's on there are we being simulcast on prank the world i'm not defensive

you're offensive you're the on the offense yeah you're on the defense we're all good here brother

No, man, I'm not even on the phone with you for fucking seconds,

and you started with me about the shoutcast service.

We've been on the phone for two minutes and 20 seconds, sir.

What do you think I've been doing?

You've been working on it, and I saw you were playing the guitar on the 4th of July.

I said, I'm working on it.

I mean, what's up with that?

I was playing with you.

I'm just playing with you, man.

Chill out.

I'm just playing with you, man.

I like the video.

I was saying, I saw that this morning.

Oh, you saw that video?

Yeah, I saw the video this morning, actually, and it was pretty cool.

It's good.

Yeah, man, we got high pitch, uh, high pitch is gonna be on the show tomorrow.

Yeah.

How many hamburgers did he eat?

Oh, dude, he's a fat fuck.

Yeah.

He had, his shirt was all greasy at the end of that.

I saw the pictures of him at the end of it.

Did you see the picture of him peeing in the neighbor's book?

Yeah.

Yeah, that was nasty.

He's like, man, he's like peeing in, like, a cornfield or something.

It's really weird looking.

You wanna, you know, truthfully, he's just a fucking waste of life.

Yeah.

Fuck.

Isn't he running bad checks and shit?

I don't know. I'm going to help him, the guy.

Don't help that guy.

Don't mess with him.

Yeah, don't help that guy.

We don't want to help trash like that, man.

Not trash, but, you know, just...

He's not trash. He's actually, dude, you know, he's not a bad dude.

You know, he's just a weird motherfucker.

He described his house. It's atrocious, they say.

He bounces checks left and right.

Dude, he's a big fat fucking pig.

I know.

What about that?

Didn't he have some relationship where all he did was take care of the babysit for the woman or something like that?

Didn't that happen at some point?

I don't know.

You don't know?

He happens to be a professional babysitter.

Who would let them be near their children?

Can you imagine?

Yeah, he smells so bad.

Once in New York, I guess the standards are low.

He takes care of the start of the life.

Yeah.

But he's going to be on the show nevertheless.

And he's going to never or less, nevertheless, he'll be on the show tomorrow.

And I'm trying to get Billy here.

I'm waiting for confirmation from Billy.

I invited Zola to come over, which I know is probably not going to happen because he doesn't want to drive all the way from fucking, where the fuck is he, Staten, fucking, and then, and Zudo will be here, and Great Scott, so it should be a kind of crazy show, I gave KDK my address, and I offered him to come by, driving from the country, wow, minus 50 seconds, they were filling the server up, they did, they did manage to, it doesn't make sense, I believe the server is compromised, compromised, I mean, I think almost I get that, wow, so I'll go to the data center next week,

I'll re-initialize the server with TOS, you know, firewall up that fucking...

How about doing that, like, you know...

He's busy.

Yeah, well, you know what? I'll just... I'll tell you what.

I just worked all day, and, you know, and it's 11 o'clock.

I'll fucking just, you know...

All right! We heard it here from everybody.

Lego's gonna fix it tonight, and I warned everybody.

Yeah, yeah.

No, seriously, Lego, man.

Then I'll plain cock in your ass. How's that?

That'd be great. You can have a...

You can poke at all of us.

You guys, you know what?

It makes me not want to pick up...

Lego, let me ask you a question, Lego.

Let me ask you a question.

Is this

Is your business

Your online business

Is that like the primary source

Of your income right now

For you and Kim

Okay

It's just

It's cool

You know I dabble in other things

I mean if you look at the

Jet album

I could buy

And see my name on them

So I get

You know

I get royalties

And ASCAP

I've done music

For major television shows

You know I do music

Music is more on the side now

I used to

In the music

For the last 10 years

You did that Fat Boys movie

You said right

That Andy Sugg

You know

I recorded the

I'm going to tell you

A little trivia

I recorded the

You know who's one of my best friends?

You guys saw Paco's original?

And Vanilla Ice, he was going to shoot him and all that.

Really?

Yeah.

All right, fuck him.

You know, he's actually got a new team.

Say VH1.

It's called the White Rapper.

You know what?

I'm pissed on VH1.

I'm tired of VH1 and their shitty shows.

I like Super Groove.

That was good.

Really?

I'm over the Hogan thing.

I'm over it.

I'm going to tell you about something.

You don't want to hear it?

Fuck it.

No, go ahead.

I'm just saying real quick that VH1, they're being banned by Carlito personally right now

Because they pissed me off with two bad shows in a row that I invested time in.

Dude, it's corporate America.

What the fuck?

I'm withholding my viewing dollar.

I took them off my DVR.

Dude, don't fucking...

Why?

You're hackers.

Why?

Dude, I...

I don't steal.

I don't steal TV episodes like you, sir.

I'm kidding.

No, I just...

I don't have the...

I haven't had the time to...

No, I steal music.

I steal music.

And I would steal movies if I...

What a rip-off, Asidious.

Fuck, I'm not gonna go to Best Buy and buy a CD like 20 bucks.

You know how much it costs to make a CD? I'm in the- I was in that business 20 years.

You know what it costs to make a CD? 11 cents.

11 cents, exactly. They're making all that money.

Kiss my ass.

And the thing is, the artists- and most of the time the artists are not seeing any of that profit.

Yeah, they get their money-

And merchandise.

Tommy Mottola, who is fucking Mariah Carey in the ass,

why do you think an 80-year-old man could fuck a 25-year-old woman?

Because he's got all that fucking money ripping off other bands.

Fuck him.

I got to say, when I'm 50, Ken Lay is dead.

Ken Lay is dead.

You know, I got problems with guys that are 50 years old banging, like, 20-year-olds.

I got a problem.

Does it sit well with you?

I think it's on the verge of pedophiles.

I don't see anything wrong with it.

I got a name, but he's a...

He went to high school.

Glenn Zolarski.

Blake Ozumir.

Stacey?

That's Barb's friend.

The dark hair.

The dark hair and his pants.

How did you know that?

I remember that.

Because I know her.

I thought online you did.

So, yeah, Lego, do you want to do a prank call on my friend?

No.

Come on, man.

I don't know, man.

You know, truthfully, you know, I called up here, I was in a good mood, I was like ready to hang with you guys a little bit,

and now, you know, I feel, you know, and I always call in and support you.

You haven't fucking called into one of my shows, man.

No, you're right.

Joe, uh, Lego, I'm sorry.

What you need to understand is Friday nights are very, very hard for me.

Busy on Friday nights.

I try to catch as...

You know what?

We're all fucking busy, Paul.

You know, I'm busy.

I got shit to do tonight.

You're supposed to fix the server.

And I have called in.

I've called in and stuff with you when we've called KDK together and stuff together.

Sean Ward's making a fucking TV show

He goes out of his way to call me

Out of his way to go to my MySpace page

And post fucking comments

I do a lot

I work full time

I come home, I edit my podcast

It's up constantly

I'm trying to promote the show on various forums

All day at work

I'm always on the forums trying to promote

My website

KDK lost a password

He didn't give it to me last night

He didn't give it to me last night, dude.

If he would have given it to me last night, I would have hooked up to it.

I'll hook up to it right now if you send it to me.

I can only do what KD King allows me to do.

You know what I mean?

What does that have to do with anything, man?

Well, this is an important question to shave it, or is it like a landing strip?

No, she doesn't tell him that.

Not totally, no.

I don't like that.

Yeah, but I don't like the total ball thing at all.

It's kind of creepy.

Honestly, it's kind of creepy.

Do you have that down there?

Of course I do.

He does and you said and you don't go down at all, right? You don't go downtown at all. It takes a long time for you

That's a lot of trust right there. I fucking licked the alphabet say his hair down there

Aren't you like picking and sticking it out of your teeth with fucking like, you know tweezers. No, it's well-groomed, man

It's well-groomed. It's taken care of trust me. It's well-groomed. It does not get in the way

No, nothing like that. Nothing like that at all. What about what about old Kim over there fucking bald. Yeah, you see

Well, she's bald but she's but you gotta remember she's all tattooed down there

Okay, so she's got a reason, but it still works out for her, then.

Okay.

I think she's got that.

Yeah, because, you know, the thing, it just, to me, looks like an adolescent kind of thing.

It's kind of creepy.

If there's tattoos on there, okay, okay, it's not.

Obviously, it's not that kind of thing.

It's just to show off the tattoos, so that's my stance on that.

Well, you got that going for you, right?

You got that and your business is going, and you're good.

Yeah, dude, I work hard, bro.

I fucking work hard, you know?

I do, too.

All right, so who do you want to prank?

I'm a fan of the Police Academy movies.

Yeah, they're all right.

The first one was good.

Oh, I've got the Blue Oyster Restaurant in Dallas, Texas.

We already mentioned that.

We've got a few pizza places, a tattoo place, a place called Big Booty Bread Company.

A black woman answered there.

I've got pet grooming.

I've got a clown.

All right, give me pet grooming.

Pet grooming.

This is going to be Club Mutt Pet Grooming in Chino Hills, California.

Local time in Chino Hills is 7.56 p.m.

They confirmed exactly one hour ago.

And what's the place it's in?

uh the place is chino hills california okay chino hills chino hills california they got

some weird fucking names over there yeah i mean chino's hill yeah yeah they really need to get

with the english names on that and i'm hispanic but this is enough chino hills man that's chinese

hills in spanish whatever okay dude hang on the line we'll get this call going dr legos is about

to do a prank call for us everybody he will hold on the line we ask you to do the same

It is now 10.56 p.m.

You'll be listening to PCU Radio.

You are.

You are calling Club Mutt, Empire's newest doggy daycare and grooming facility.

Please leave your name, number, and a brief message and someone will listen to your call as quickly as possible.

What a cunt.

Okay, we got different shit we can do then.

All right.

All right, we got, well, you heard that we got pizza places, we got that illegal burrito place, got a cafe.

Illegal burrito?

Yeah, or there's the Big Booty Bread Company where a black woman answered.

Hey, give me that.

Okay, this is in New York. 212. There we go. That gives you an idea.

Hang on, everybody. Next call's coming up. We're gonna try this again.

Dr. Lego.

Okay, we're on.

Dr. Lego, why you such a jinx, yo?

Um...

No, dude. I'm not jinxed. You jinxed it when you started with me with the fucking seed.

Look, dude.

You fucking jinxed it.

That was just a question, you know.

Put a fucking thing for the 13 right on it.

I'm gonna pray for you tonight.

Dude, you walked under a ladder today or something.

I don't know. I'm gonna have to pray for you tonight, dude. Um...

I'll pray for you.

Let's try the illegal burrito. Hang on.

I'll pray that Athena doesn't, like, pick it up the ass from Blackman anymore.

Yeah, you do that. Hang on.

Yo, look at your whole restaurant.

Izzo's on Burbank, this is Nick.

Yo, is this Izzo's?

Yeah.

Yo, check it out, I gotta get my uncle up from Tijuana, yo.

Oh yeah?

Yo, can you help me out, kid?

Who is this?

Yo, my name is Eddie Garcia.

Oh yeah?

Yeah, man, my uncle needs to come up, yo.

Tijuana?

Yeah, man, you know the election, yo?

Yeah, why are you worrying about this, man?

You got to go up to California for that.

No, he was down with...

They got him in California, too, yo.

The Lobos after him.

Look, man, I'm trying to get it shut down, bro.

Yo, you know who the Lobo is, yo?

No.

That Lobo, man, he's crazy.

Yo, he follow you from Mexico.

He'll catch up, he'll kill you, yo.

I know, man.

Come on, man, I got shit to do.

Yo, he don't know nobody in Baton Rouge, yo.

Come on, I was based up and hit the base.

But I got kicked out.

That was real funny, man.

Thanks.

Thanks, man.

I hope you're being sincere.

I like that.

What, are you playing or something?

What's going on?

Yo!

That was a brutal guy again.

I thought it was you.

Lego, you want to try one yourself now?

Well, now that you've taught me how to do it correctly, yeah, sure.

Okay, how about a pizza place or a tattoo parlor?

Thank you for using Sprint.

You're welcome.

We also have 69 ice fruit.

That was the best joke of the night.

Thanks.

All right.

Appreciate it.

We've got 69 Ice Fruit and Mocaccino Cafe.

Yeah, give me the Mocaccino.

Just give me the Mocaccino Cafe.

All right, man.

Where are they located?

California.

All right, Berkeley.

Good town.

All right, cool.

Hang on.

What's up, Lego?

Is that a Mocaccino?

Yes.

How you doing?

My name is Chris Daughtry.

I'm with a private investigation firm.

Uh-huh.

I'm with Carlito, Daughtry, and Zolar.

Yes.

Speaking with right now.

Jay, my employee, yes.

Okay, you're an employee there, right?

Is there a fellow, Mike, who works there?

Mike?

A Mike who works there?

No, I don't think so.

What about a Steve or a John?

No.

Is there anyone who works there with the letter J?

Uh, J-A-Y?

Yeah.

Yeah, just me.

No, not you, man, the letter J.

A letter J? No.

All right, well, look, let me, Jay, let me get right to the point.

Okay.

And I don't think this is you or not,

but I've been hired by an independent company that owns the Mochaccino Company,

company. And you guys are, you know, sometimes open late night. I don't know if there's one,

two people on shift, but there's been, we have video footage and there's been reports

that one of your employees is being a real prankster and somebody's been urinating in

some of the coffees. I don't know. I'm just an employee, so I have no idea. Okay. You

have not gotten any complaints of any kind of salty or bitter tasting coffees? No. Actually,

Actually, we just started coffee today. We haven't been, we don't do coffees. We do, uh, we don't do coffee.

Whatever, whatever, whatever. You know, I don't know what the, uh, what the, or exactly that you guys do there.

Well, what is your primary business, Jay?

Tea.

Tea. It's like a tea place.

This is the report we're getting. I'm just following up right now. We already have the video footage, uh, and I'm trying to call you names.

Who, who, who usually works the night shift there?

It depends. I don't even know myself.

Well, I'm working today, so I don't...

Are you there by yourself, or you got a couple of guys there?

Uh, I have another girl working here, Elaine.

Elaine. Now, she's not doing anything funny, have you?

Well, we've been up here. No, I've been with her the whole time. I don't think so.

Right. What does Elaine look like?

Uh, she's 18, I think. Yeah.

I don't think Elaine is what's her number.

Right.

here's the situation it seems that the owner had a dispute okay with an ex-partner and the

ex-partner actually hired an employee or a fake employee to come in there and work

and urinate in the beverages well i'm sorry i didn't follow that so a previous the previous

owner hired an employee check no no your current owners uh-huh had an original partner that they

got rid of before the place actually opened, okay?

And the problem is that the person they got rid of hired somebody to come in there as

an employee, like a, you know what I'm saying?

The person they hired to come in, he's trying to sabotage the business, and I'm just trying

to get, I'm trying to get to the bottom of this.

My investigators at work, my guys Carlito and Zolar, were staking the place out for

the last two and a half weeks, and we have video footage of some, you know, crazy stuff,

You know, that's why I'm trying to find out, you know, I'm trying to talk to, I know the guy's not there tonight, and I'm trying to talk to some of the other employees, know what's going on.

Right, right. Well, I just work, I don't, I have no idea what's going on, really.

I'm just hired here, I work here, that's it, that's all I do, I don't, I have no idea what's going on.

Jay, how long have you been working there, Jay?

Uh, about two months, a little bit less than that, yeah.

Alright, so you don't, so you don't even really know everything.

I have no idea.

Alright, how long has Elaine been working there?

Uh, she's later than me. Um, actually, uh...

She's 18, right?

Yeah, probably less than a month, I would say.

Has Elaine ever... Now, as a girl at work, has Elaine ever made any kind of, like, phallic types of moves on anybody working there that you know of?

I don't think so, no.

Has anybody there, to your knowledge, been charged with any type of sexual harassment cases?

I don't think so.

Like I said, I've only been here for two months, so I have no idea.

Would you say Elaine is a good-looking woman?

Yeah, average, I would say.

Average, so like a scale of 1 to 10, what, a 6?

Yeah, probably, yeah.

5 or a 6?

Sir?

Two 5s make a 10.

Sir, excuse me.

If I may interrupt real quickly, my name is Ralph Carlito, and I'm the second.

I'm Mr. Dubovian here.

I'm his partner.

So let me ask you a question. Do you regularly wash your hands after you use the restroom?

Oh, yeah.

Are you sure of that, sir?

Yeah.

Would you be willing to...

I'm sure, even not even working.

Would you be willing...

Like a mall or something. You know, if I use the restroom, I definitely wash my hands with soap.

I think you might be lying. I mean, would you be willing to submit to a polygraph?

Uh, sure.

I have my up against this, because I'm just working here, and I have no idea what's going on.

Well, let's just be honest, sir, that you haven't washed your hands every time that you've gone to use the bathroom.

No, I definitely, for sure, I did.

Sir, are you willing to testify to that in a court of law?

Yeah, I'm willing to testify.

Every time?

Even if a video were to show that you may or may not be truthful?

No, I have no problem with that, really.

Look, just tell me the truth now, I'll talk to the DA, and everything will be cool, man.

Nothing's going to happen, you know?

It's cool.

Thank you for your strength.

Sorry.

I just wanted to try to scare him.

He didn't wash his hands.

What happened?

We ran out?

He hung up.

He shot himself.

He just got scared.

He was like, I know I'm not washing my hands, and he hung up.

Poor guy.

Well, that didn't go exactly the way I wanted it to, but I was actually leading up to something, but it's all right.

Okay.

Fuck up the call, Carly.

All right, well, whatever.

I'm going to let you guys do your thing.

I felt it, Lego.

I felt it, you know.

I'm sorry.

I just felt it.

No, no, it's okay.

I'm glad you came in, you know.

I'm glad you fucked the whole thing up.

I felt the spirit, Lego.

I'm sorry, you know, but this is, you know, this is the madhouse.

Yeah, let me- I wanna play something.

Hold on.

Oh, here we go.

This is a prank you're playing?

Yeah, hold on, hold on, I can't-

Terrible.

It's Friday.

Wow, a lot of stuff here.

Hold on, wait till you hear this, you're gonna love this.

Now Milkman says he's banned from the show.

We're gonna have to get to this when we let Lego off the air here.

Oh, right.

We're gonna have to discuss this.

Milky.

Milkman's on his period again.

It's getting really scary.

Hold on, hold on.

That was great!

Thank you very much for that, Lego!

Pranked.

Fucking called, he says,

I'm gonna call the police, he can dish it out, but he can't-

He can't take it, apparently.

It's pretty sad.

He's a fucking hypocrite.

That's pretty sad.

He's a hypocrite.

He is a hypocrite.

Well, you have the proof right there.

Great, Lego.

prank

the world.com correct when are you doing a show again friday saturday we're doing a show tomorrow

Tomorrow night.

Oh, you and Zola and all those people.

Yeah, I mean, you know, that's the plan anyway.

We'll see if it happens, you know.

That's what I'm planning on.

And, oh, yeah, I wanted to tell you that Yamaha has these really cool headphones

with the microphone coming out, but they're, like, professional ones.

Right.

Yamaha, they're called the CM500.

They're great.

And they cover both ears.

The headphone comes out, and they have mini jacks, quarter-inch jacks,

and you can even adapt them to XLR if you want to.

But they're like, you know, they're like the professional broadcast kind,

only they're not $500.

You can get them online for $39.

Because I've been looking for shit like that.

Breaking news right here, everybody.

Dr. Lego.

Well, thank you very much, Dr. Lego.

We'll catch you in that super show tomorrow.

We are super excited.

Yeah, it's not a super show.

It's probably going to be the worst show.

So, yeah.

We're going to try.

Well, we're going to listen to the worst show ever, Dr. Lego.

And I'm going to try to have the webcam on.

How happy are you that Dr. Lego called tonight, Andy?

I'm very happy.

You guys are telling him to work on the fucking screen.

Hey, you know what? I'm happy I called to you.

A, you were fucking rude to me.

A, you were rude to me.

Andy was fucking hanging out in the game.

I was too. You were rude to me.

Did I hurt your feelings, Dr. Lego?

Jesus, God.

I just, I don't know what happened at the end.

I just gotta break free of that sometimes.

You lost control.

Gotta breathe.

Dr. Lego, did I offend you?

I'm sorry.

Jesus.

Yeah, it is kind of loud.

Yeah.

Zolar called that a pre-recorded bore fest and then laughed at himself at the end.

That's Zolar, not me.

He likes ad symbols and the letter Z.

It's Polish, man.

He can't comprehend the whole world.

Yeah, his whole world ad.

Whatever he's doing.

Now he's doing the ad for headphones.

Yeah, well, that's the deal on headphones.

Andy, Ultravioluses.

I didn't call him out.

That's crazy.

What would you call him out on, man?

I just got down to say I'm going to clean and fix the server.

It's like that's funny.

Because I knew it would make him mad.

He's angry.

It's all right, man.

We're just making fun of him.

We're just having a good old time here on Madhouse Radio Network.

We have 71 listeners right now spread out across our network.

We have 44 listeners on PCU, 9 people on the scab,

and a total of 18 people listening on iTunes at TBigRadio.

Wow, that's a lot.

Zero listeners on Dr. Lego's stream, my man.

Dr. Lego hung up.

He didn't want to put us on his show.

I don't know why he's on Simulcast.

I thought I was cool.

I thought I was cool with Lego, and I guess I'm not, man.

He just lied to you that whole call.

He did that whole call.

He was acting like you were a guy's friend.

Exactly.

It's not like that anymore.

Apparently, he's got problems.

Lonesome Loser has sent in other numbers for the Hard Rock Cafe.

A woman named Amber answered, saying,

How can I rock your world?

um shoot me just i am me when he's off zolar says zolar he's off he off he off everybody

austin moore is talking about shoutcast servers they have cheapest hell servers

at their company star broadcasting something tells me i shouldn't trust his uh shoutcast

server but i could be wrong um any any thoughts on dr lego i mean what was that at the end about

headphones something about a headphone to buy headphones from him he's just you know telling

I only knew that there's good headphones out there that are cheap and that you should buy them.

I just kind of tuned out there for a while.

That's why I just.

Me too.

I still pick that up.

I was like XLR1.

I was like, oh, God.

It's just too much.

He's pretty creepy.

He's a funny.

He's getting scary just like Milkman is getting scary.

Yeah, he's getting scary now, Milkman.

Milkman needs to chill out before he says something he's going to regret.

That's all I got to say.

He's got to watch his mouth.

That's all I got to say.

He's not supposed to talk about the banning.

Yeah, he's not banned.

He always brings up.

He's got to start shaking the chat room.

that shit pisses me off milkman it's not that we don't watch in the show it's just that we haven't

been able to to get everything set up to get you back in the show i'm a busy guy and you're a busy

guy too you work a lot too and we haven't been able to meet up yet to uh fix your access to get

on the audio on the show but you know what can i do man when we get that fixed and we can have you

on i mean well it's not your band so quit you know starting stuff in the chat room it's not that we

We just haven't been able to get you back on.

We want to do that.

Right, Andy?

You want to hear it, right?

I like him.

Yeah.

He keeps saying that you wanted him off the air.

Will that ever say that?

No, that's never happened.

You've never said that.

It's all over my website.

We love Milkman here, man.

Milkman's a part of this show.

His name is still on the website, and his name isn't on the promos and stuff for the show.

It says The Milkman, and he's on the new promo that we have.

He's on there.

He's featured on there talking.

So Milkman is a part of this show, and we want him back.

But for the time being, Milkman has got a problem with me.

And, you know, the invitation is open for you to come back.

That's all I have to say.

The invitation is open for you to come back, Milkman.

You know, you've got to make it happen.

That's it.

I'm not keeping Milkman away from anybody.

He's keeping himself away.

We want him back.

He knows how to call, too.

He's trying to get us to pay him more money.

He knows how to call in, too.

You have a phone.

You know, you don't call me, Milkman.

You know, why do I have to call you all the time?

You know, people like that.

You've got to call them all the time.

It's like, you know, you call me.

I don't call anyone.

that's you yeah

pick up the phone

I don't call you

during the week though

I don't try to

I talk to you one day

a week now

we talk on Thursday

it's a business

relationship

it is

you want to see Superman

I still haven't seen it

no I don't want to see that

sounds like garbage to me

I'm going to see it

Saturday I think

other than Batman

I think most DC comics

are pretty gay

and then like

you know the murder ghost

stuff

well

yeah

Marvel's better

than DC anyway

so there it is

Milken City's been

on the chat for weeks

okay

whatever

that's still not

That's not helping our problem.

Yeah, it's totally your fault.

I made a ham sandwich yesterday.

All right.

I've been shitting and pissing for years.

Yeah, Magic Matt on AOL Instant Messenger saying hi.

Hi to Magic Matt, and hi to everybody else.

Hit City Radio sends me a prank request, a number, but no information.

Please complete that information for your submission to go through.

Okay, that David guy that we got here, right?

His name is David Miraldo.

he don't like being called where's

Meraldo

where's Meraldo I like that

he works for Mathis Lighting and Lamp

he used to work there with him he does

deliveries delivers little

light fixtures wow he's got that going for him

he's always trying to prank somebody

by putting shit on their backs

in cars he never really got

them back they were in Pennsylvania

Pensacola Florida

but you know and on the air we

have the milkman

what's this bullshit I'm hearing

what bullshit what man come on what's the bullshit what is your bullshit all about in the chat room

why are you starting stuff in the chat room hey you're killing me bro you're crazy i'm not crazy

man i've been on this chat week now i'm walking in what did i tell you hang on what did i tell

you last thursday i said to you on the phone i said look i'm going to be extremely busy all

weekend okay right listening okay the fourth was already what tuesday i know you had company over

Right. I've been on. You haven't been on. I've been on. I've been online.

I've been on, bro.

You haven't messaged me. You haven't messaged me. You haven't messaged me.

Hey, you told me that when you had time, you would get with me and you would contact me.

Because, like, okay, when you're, you know, when you got family in town, if I call there, you're not going to talk to me if you even answer.

I mean, I know how it goes, but I don't do that.

Call that cell phone, man. Just call the cell phone.

I'm waiting for some free time from you, and, you know, I'm just, I'm tired of being banned. That's all.

I just would like to be back on the show again and, you know, be welcomed back.

Well, we want you back, and you will be back.

Andy has something to say.

Go ahead, Andy.

No, man.

Don't you agree with me that Carlito is a bad friend?

Right?

Come on, man.

He's not a good friend.

I'm a good friend.

He did his bad thing.

He hung up.

No, see, did you hear that little satellite sound effect?

Whenever that happens, his phone hangs up automatically, like, two minutes later.

Hang on.

He'll call back.

He lost his call.

You got to understand, he lives, like, in the middle of nowhere.

He lives in the mountains and shit.

so he'll call back

in about 30 seconds

watch

the bear just

crossed my lawn

yeah

yeah so

it's going to be great

because then he would

agree with me

that you're a bad friend

yeah

and that's the last

we'll ever hear

of Milkman everybody

do you want to call

that David Miralda

yeah that's funny

I guess we have to

wait for Milkman

to call back

or he'll get pissed

yeah

here we go

now we can

they're probably

blaming it on me

hey man

hello

hey we lost

we lost you

for a moment

there Milkman

This is the old Milkman. I'm riding around in my rash. Somebody hung up on me here.

I was making a call in my mock voice. This is my real voice, you know.

Andy, how long do you think Milkman will keep the voice up?

The whole phone call.

The rest of the phone call?

He doesn't give up on anything. That's why I admire about him.

Why have you banned me? Andy, you was my buddy. You've got to talk to Carlito. Talk some sense into this man's head.

Hey, do you want to do a prank call on the old man?

He's crazy.

He's like De Niro or K-Pierre.

De Niro or K-Pierre.

You guys have broken my heart.

The roof left.

He goes from the old man to the insane lover.

I'm driving withdrawals from the madhouse.

Everything's okay.

You can't take it no more.

It's not the madhouse.

It's madhouse radio now, remember?

Haven't you been listening to this show?

I'm going outside the window.

You can't take it no more.

Super.

Whatever it takes, man.

Whatever it takes

No, but seriously

We'll tell you what

After the show tonight

Stay on and we'll get it fixed up

Promise

After the show tonight

Stay on and we'll get it fixed up

Really?

Yes, really

Alright, bro

Okay

Alright, bro

By that he means phone sex

I'll put some sex

Yeah, exactly

Oh, Andrew's getting phone sex tonight

I gotta hear this

Record it, Carlito

You're getting phone sex tonight

You're getting phone sex

Three-way phone sex

I'm gonna get phone sex for Mandy

Holy shit

And Carlito

Both phones

I'm gonna get double TV

I'm gonna get tag team

I see.

Am I going to be the bologna in the sandwich?

If you want.

Yeah, maybe.

Okay, we got that on tape.

Actually not, but it sounds like it's a requirement for me to come back in.

It's sort of like my hazing to rejoin the crew.

Yeah, yeah.

Milkman, you'll be on next week.

All right?

Everything's okay.

Don't fret.

I'll tell you, Red, I really miss being hanging around.

I just want to clear the air and get out of this.

And I'll bring something back for sure.

You know I always contribute.

All right.

Milkman, let me ask you a question.

Do you remember the hobo camp that we called in the spring?

The guy named Slaughter.

I do.

We pranked him, me, you, Lego, and Zolar,

and we just kept talking after the answering machine hung up.

Right.

And it became like a five-minute message of us just talking the weirdest shit.

Yeah.

And the guy, I forgot to block my number.

He called me back at four in the morning.

He calls you back.

Right, he calls you back.

At four in the morning, and he scared the shit out of me.

He was like, yeah, I don't appreciate this damn faggot talk you're leaving on my machine.

and you don't leave it again, boy.

I was like, who the fuck is, like, this is, this is,

I forget, his name was Slaughter.

I was like, your name is Slaughter?

And I started laughing at him, like, your name is really Slaughter?

I think it's Dick Slaughter or something.

And then Zohar called him the next night

and had him thinking that he was on the Howard Stern show.

Yeah.

I remember that.

That was a classic, bro.

Do you want to call him?

We got him, he's answering.

Do you want to call him?

Oh, my God, let's call him.

He just picked up about ten minutes ago.

Let's see if we get Mr. Slaughter.

He's a hilarious guy.

Was this the RV camp, was it?

It's the Hobo Camp.

Yeah, it's an RV camp called the Hobo Camp in Texas.

Yeah, okay, that's what I thought.

Yeah, it was like an RV camp.

This redneck guy had an answering machine on.

I remember this one.

That's the one.

Okay.

Dude, there's seriously a song that I wanted to play tonight,

and I want to play it next before I forget.

So keep talking here.

And, yeah, dope man.

Hey, well, I noticed that we kind of got away

away from our big ending at the end there,

so I'd just like to thank everybody out there.

You know, Dr. Leggett, who was giving us her voice

and providing that stream.

Mad Man, everybody, this wonderful match.

We call it chat room here,

so everybody can take a swing and have a laugh.

KDK, man, a wonderful sponsor.

The man, creation, the myth,

and then you're in the Madhouse.

Thanks a lot.

And everybody, listeners out there.

We've missed that, right, Andy?

You missed it?

Yes.

And, well, here it is, everybody.

Everybody, Milkman is going to call the hobo cat, Mr. Slot.

I forgot his first name, but he's a trip.

I got to get that, though.

I wish I would have recorded when he called in, but when he called me.

But anyway, I'll be right back after this, everybody.

All right, Milkman, this isn't going to work.

I got phone trouble here.

I'm going to have to reset the phone router for the Internet phone.

I see.

Yeah, so that's going to make me hang up on you.

I have to take a break and then fix the phone, and then we'll come back.

So try to call back later, all right?

So, all right, so you want me to call you back in about 10 minutes?

Yeah, I'd say about 10 minutes, yes, sir.

All right, well, leave me a space on there, and then I'll call you back in a quarter till.

Okay, no problem, man.

Thanks.

Sorry about that.

I apologize.

All right, no problem, man.

And I'll be looking forward to talking to you.

Okay.

And all my friends out there and every avid listeners and lovers of Madhouse and PCU in general,

I'll be back, and I look forward to talking to you again soon.

We've got a funny call coming up.

I'm feeling trouble here.

It's probably just because I was on the phone with Milkman at the same time.

I bet you that's what it was.

Just watch.

Let me try to do this.

You crossed the lines.

Yeah, let me try to do this.

Let me try to do it myself.

You connect your call.

No offense, bad luck, or a curse, because as long as he's on the phone, the phone doesn't work.

The second I hang up with him, it goes right through.

Curse, Danny.

Hey, Shalom, Mr. Slaughter?

Yeah?

Hi, sir.

How much space do you have down there for any hobos?

Well, I got quite a few, about five or six.

Five or six?

Yeah.

What rail line are you close to?

Do what?

What rail line are you close to?

I'm not close to a rail line.

Well, how come you're the hobo camp?

I'm coming up the old 58.

Calling up what?

The old 58.

Right.

What do you say there, buddy?

How about you put me in for about $10?

Right, well, that's tent camping, $10.

Well, do you have any dishes I could wash and maybe get that reduced down to $5?

I don't think I do.

Come on.

Do me the favor, old man.

Mr. Slaughter, is it true that you don't love Jesus?

No, it's not true.

Well, someone told me you were cursing Jesus and God the other day when you got out of church.

You're going to hell.

It wasn't me.

It was some other guy that looked like me.

No, they said Mr. Slaughter at the Hobo Camp is an adulterer.

There might be some truth in that.

Oh, so you committed adultery then?

Oh, no.

I have or not.

Oh, come on.

Tell me the truth.

I heard you like to...

I can tell you I'm not a virgin or anything.

When was your first time?

I think I was a late bloomer.

I think I like to go over there and punch you in the face, sir.

Why do you laugh?

Why do you laugh if I was saying I'm going to punch you in the face?

You don't defend your house?

You don't defend yourself?

If a man calls you and says he's going to punch you in the face,

you need to be stronger than that, don't you think?

Oh, no, I don't worry about it until he does.

I think you're a woman.

Who are you calling from?

Well, I got some bad service from you, Mr. Slaughter, before,

and I'm here to give you hell about it.

But, you know, I think if I went down there right now

and tried to take advantage of you, you would let me.

I don't give anybody any bad service.

You give me plenty of bad service, sir,

and then you called me and you threatened me at 4 o'clock in the morning.

No, you didn't.

That was you, Mr. Slaughter.

Well, as I see it now, I need you to give me $500.

That'll make up for all the damage and emotional stuff.

Okay.

Goofy bastard.

Bye.

$100 for a back rub?

$500.

For a back rub.

Yeah.

Do you use back rub, sir?

No, I don't do that.

Have you ever had a back rub?

Oh, yeah.

Have you ever had a massage on your ass?

Don't recall.

Probably have.

Okay.

Do you think you liked it?

Where are y'all calling from?

Bro, I'm right here in Austin.

Austin, sir?

Yes.

All right, then.

Well, we're going to let you go, okay?

You're kind of boring me.

See you later.

All right, asshole.

Bye.

He's not angry at all.

I thought he was supposed to be angry.

I called him a woman.

I did all the things I always do to get people to react, and he didn't react.

It sounds like it's two volumes and a pint of rum tonight.

I think so.

Maybe that's what it is.

Drinking.

Shit.

Drinking that moonshine or something.

Past Blue Ribbon or something.

So there it is.

Ready for a break, Andy?

No.

You just had a long-ass break.

I didn't have a break.

Nothing happened for a little while.

Oh.

Go ahead.

I don't care.

No, you know what?

Let's wait on the break.

Let's wait until midnight for the break.

Because we had to take a long extra fucking time there.

I should just make one more call.

Yeah, it was all Miltman's fault.

I want to look at the Final Fantasy guidebook.

Okay, you do that.

A game I once dominated.

Yeah.

It's a good game.

Final Fantasy 6.

Gal sucks.

Best character is the one you find at the end who can use everyone's powers.

Oh, yeah?

yeah yeah the fruit looking one i don't know okay good i like how the color codes who's the

best break you will use i agree lock and sellies they're the most used man yeah

gal sucks yeah gal we're eating pretty high gogo that one kicked ass gogo's in it that's right

where's the gogo page we're gonna call the yoho restaurant over here gogo's in that uh that cave

zozo mount zozos that's mount i gotta play this game i love this game

Okay, I call a break.

I don't care how many listeners I lose during the break,

but I need to take a break because it's not working.

I can't find Go-Go in this fucking book.

He's in there somewhere in the end.

He's one of the secret characters, the ones you don't need.

Like that ice monster dude, too.

He sucks, too.

Fucking ice monster.

Right, right, yeah.

Going to break.

No, I'm supposed to make an announcement.

We're being played on another stream also tonight

by some guy named Magic Matt.

I don't know.

His station is called Jammin' 101.

That's all I know.

I don't know how many listeners we have or what, but apparently we're on another stream.

Thank you.

Hundreds and hundreds.

We have 165 listeners right now.

All right, everybody.

Woo!

The biggest listenership we've ever had ever, ever, ever.

All right, that's all for you.

We're going to take a break right now, and we're going to try to regroup.

When we come back, we'll try to call that Tom Green guy, I guess, that Earthdog and assorted others want us to call.

We also have several other numbers from Lonesome Loser that we can try.

And we got that David kid, Friend of Bobby's.

We'll try that, too.

We're running behind on stuff, but bear with us.

We'll be right back, and we'll give you some more pranks and lead you into Friday.

It's 1146.

We'll be back in about five minutes.

That piece of shit up there, I never like him.

I never trusted him.

For all I know, he had me set up and had my friend Angel Fernandez killed.

But that's it.

I hear.

This radio will be back right after this.

This guy was

Whose voice is that?

Is that Fred?

Aw, you said it was over

No, don't put him on

It's Paul Fred

Hey, man

Milkman's on the phone

Hey, man

Why can't I call in, everybody?

He says

Oh, I think he hung up

Why'd you hang up?

Milkman

Let's put him on

I got it, yeah

Grab the phone

No, there he is

Hey

This is a little harder than I thought

Bro, we're back on the air

Are you like really roasted or just a little bit roasted?

I'm pretty roasted tonight

Oh, okay, because like it wasn't ten seconds after you hung up from me

You forgot I was going to do that call

Yeah, you stole the call from you

I did, but it was a good call

Yeah, well, yeah, it would have been

It would have been

So, you're making fun of me

You said that my show sucked in the chat room

Did I?

No, I'm saying that I had a great premise for the whole call, man.

I had it all set up, man.

I had actually thought it out.

I had it real fine.

Would you like to hear the premise of the call, or it doesn't matter now, does it?

I didn't want to find out what happened.

Don't give it away.

I just confirmed that you bumped me off on that call, man.

We didn't mean to, Milkman.

There was just technical difficulties with the phone with you on there.

You technically difficultly dialed his number up and called it, man.

But you can put Lego on, but I couldn't go on the air and do a follow-up.

I don't know, man.

I can't explain this.

Maybe it's your phone line, the coconut phone from the Virgin Islands.

Maybe it's that shit.

I don't know.

Okay, well, we'll blame it on that, man.

And you guys have a good night, man.

Well, you're going to hang up now on anchor?

Fine.

You do that.

I just wanted to find out for sure here what you had to say, man,

why you bumped me off, man.

But if it's a coconut phone, then now I know why I got bumped off.

You know what it is?

I have the Internet phone.

Look, I have an Internet phone.

It's always a different number than I have.

Hotline, the phone that lights up.

I can't beep that, man.

I'm not doing this at all.

What's going on?

You don't have a special phone number, huh?

Because that one sounds better than this one.

Andy, Lego has it.

Jupe has it.

Homegrown.

He has that one and your cell phone number and your beeper number.

Prank, man.

Car phone number.

And my satellite phone.

Okay.

We're just kidding, man.

And his work number.

You want to try one more?

You want to try Bud next week, and that's fine.

Okay.

That was Milkman calling in again.

And we're back from break.

A very emotional night.

A very emotional night here on Madhouse Radio.

And Fat Albert's Hamburgers, Pizza, and Deli.

I think when we called that place a few weeks ago,

did you ask for a pizza with hamburger and extra deli?

Remember that?

That was a funny line.

You say we should order a pizza from there

and say you wanted a pizza with hamburger with extra deli?

Remember that?

That was a funny thing you said back there.

I know. We did something else.

Did I talk like Fat Albert?

That's the only other thing I can do on this show.

So we got that or Fat Albert's food and drink.

We also have butt grocery.

And, yeah, that's what we have to work with here.

So we're going to do some more prank calls here.

It's almost Friday.

Let's say a happy birthday to Ultraviolet.

A chat room, Ultraviolet's birthday.

Ultraviolet, his birthday.

We'll play this for your birthday.

There you go. Happy birthday, Ultraviolet.

Andy, what's your birthday, man?

I don't want to give that away, I don't think,

because they could look it up and find out.

Isn't it?

Oh, I know.

It's soon.

That's right.

Well, happy birthday, Andy.

Andy's birthday.

It's one of two days this weekend.

Matt, how's the radio?

Go ahead.

Next time I'm in Orlando, I'll come down there and I'll fix your shit because it's really

embarrassing, dude.

It's not my fault.

It's Milkman's fault.

Yeah.

You know, it's not Milkman's fault.

He's corrupted and he's evil.

You know, I tell you guys about headphones.

I'm telling you this big money.

Headphones.

You guys, it's Samson and Son over there.

How much?

How much are headphones?

How much are the headphones?

I don't have $39.

Bro, these headphones, real broadcast headphones are like $300, $400.

This is a real broadcast.

Okay, all right.

Whatever.

All right.

How you doing, all right?

I'm all right, you know.

You know, you hurt my feelings, that's all.

You hurt my feelings?

I was very, I'm very upset and hurt.

Well, I'm even more hurt, man, because, you know, I put a lot of, you know, sweat and

blood into this, and you cheapen me.

You cheapen me tonight.

You make me feel cheap.

Dude, I called in, I tried to, like, fucking add to your show, do good things, and all

All you've done was insult me and talk rudely and shit to me.

Hey, Lego, in between your last call and this one,

did you by any chance get the server fixed?

Yeah, did you?

That would be great enough.

Yeah, actually, we did come up with a fix for it.

So go fuck yourself.

What do you think of that?

You're hanging out in gay chat rooms, Andy.

Chat rooms.

Play to the pause.

He got the server fixed.

Well, dude, you seem to know all about those pop drinks.

I know, I do know that stuff.

I do know that stuff.

It's good to hear back from you, Lego.

I watch a lot of History Channel.

I watched an episode on drugs.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, sure, yeah.

The VH1 had one on, you know?

Yeah.

Lego, did you work on that one?

No, listen, if anybody wants to buy the Yamaha CM5,

I'm selling them.

Oh, man.

How many of you bought a bunch so you could resell them?

No, I didn't buy any.

I was kidding about them, you freak.

You know, frankly, does anybody have Leo Laporte's phone number?

Didn't we get his father or something like that?

Yeah, let's get him.

I want to get him.

Maybe Lonesome has it.

Lonesome Loser, make a deal.

Maybe Lonesome Loser, make a deal.

What celebrity phone number?

I got the a la grocery in New Jersey.

Yeah, that's a good one.

The a la grocery.

Go ahead and get him.

Masha.

He's not coming over here tomorrow.

He's not?

Nah, he'll probably call in, but he's just, I don't know, I guess he's just, you know,

we're doing a gig in Brooklyn.

He's going to come down and sing a song with us.

He's a faggot, bitch.

No, he's going to come down and sing a song.

I'm going to get that on video.

We'll put it up.

Okay, good.

He's going to sing War Pigs with us.

So, uh, do you have an entrant to the Whack Pack contest?

Yeah, I do.

Who are you entering?

Zola.

Oh, that's a good idea.

It is.

He should be a Whack Packer.

He's really sensitive about that.

Yeah.

Dude, I think fucking Zola should have his own damn show.

It's retarded.

Fucking Jim Brewer has a show and fucking Zola doesn't?

Give me a break.

Fucking political bullshit.

Wasn't Jim Brewer in, like, movies, though?

Mm-hmm.

I like that.

You know who I like, though?

What the fuck is true to Jim Brewer?

He was in Half-Baked.

Half-Baked, yeah.

And he was on Saturday Night Live, and he played the stoner all the time.

I like him on Half-Baked, though.

Well, dude, you know what?

I remember Jim Brewer like I fucking remember Garth, you know, from fucking Wayne's World, you know?

Don't they have Big Pussy also has a show on there, too, from Sopranos, that guy?

Yeah, he was in Sopranos.

Yeah, like, that's a guy who needs a fucking show.

Yeah, exactly.

Put me on there, man.

Put Lego on there.

Put KDK, I guess.

Solar.

Well, everybody in PCU could be on Sirius right now and do better than one.

I'd probably rock the shit out of it compared to Jim Brewer.

Jim Brewer's not funny.

Yeah, if you give us one station, man.

I mean, yeah, exactly.

I'm saying Jim Brewer, once in a while it's okay,

but I'm just saying, like, you know, he's right up there with David Lee Roth.

Right.

Okay, you want to call that all our grocery?

We also have Crazy Fish Tacos.

I do. I want to call that.

Okay, after that we'll have Crazy Fish Tacos also.

That sounds good.

Okay.

Hang on, everybody. The next prank call tonight is coming in.

Dr. Lego.

Fuck you, bitch. Motherfucker.

This is Allah Grocery.

Hello.

Hey, yeah, what's up, man?

I need to come in.

Do you guys have beer over there?

No.

All right, listen.

Is it true that in India the national bird is the cow?

Huh?

Is it true in India that the national bird is the cow?

I don't know.

All right, Boni Safa?

I don't know.

All right, make me a sandwich.

Can you make me a sandwich?

I don't know.

Are you stupid?

what's what's the problem nothing let me ask you this um do you have a girlfriend no you have a

wife no have you ever like fucked a girl really yeah have you ever fucked a guy no do you jerk

off a lot no what do you do nothing so you just you pretty much just sit there like a fucking

stupid asshole i don't know yeah it sounds like that all right do you guys have any what do you

have over there any cheese it's a soda what do you sell what is what is the nature of the business

Asshole.

Is that it?

I guess that's it.

Thank you for using Sprint.

Okay.

You want to see how for Crazy Fish Tacos?

No, can you get him back on the phone?

Yeah, absolutely.

We'll do that right now.

Hang on, everybody.

We'll get that guy back on.

What's up, this is Pimp Daddy.

How you doing?

Who's this?

Pimp Daddy, how you doing?

Who is this?

Pimp Daddy.

Who's this?

I don't know.

Oh, hola.

What's up, man?

Look, I'm going to come over there.

I'm going to get you laid.

I'm going to come over there with some bitches, okay?

Oh, man.

I'm an asshole.

Stupid, stupid guy.

Thank you for using Sprint.

All right, I'm wasting your bandwidth, all right?

You're not wasting my bandwidth.

I'm going to call Leo Laporte next.

Okay.

You want to stay on?

You're more than welcome to.

Oh, we got Leo Laporte's number?

The real Leo Laporte?

Yeah, yeah, I want to talk to him.

I want to accuse him.

I think it's his dad.

Yeah, but stay on.

You can jump in if you'd like.

I'm here.

I'm here with you.

All right, feel free to jump in if you'd like.

I'm going to say it's Patrick Norton.

You just go do what you got to do.

Okay.

All right.

Okay.

Leo Laporte, dude.

Yeah, they asked for it four minutes ago, but apparently they're on guard.

It's all right, man.

We'll maybe some other night.

Well, I thank you again, Lego, for calling in.

I just want to make sure everything is straight between us.

You know, we're just kidding.

We like you a lot.

We appreciate everything you do, like Milkman said.

Hey, you're a bunch of fucking hooligans.

Yeah, nothing wrong with that either.

How about soccer, huh?

Italy.

Play easy.

See you later.

All right, man.

Bye.

Mets fans, aren't they dirty?

I think they look down on the Yankee fans.

Yeah, I think so, too.

I hate them both, though.

That's like Dodger fans.

It looked down on by people from Brooklyn.

Because that's the original home of the Dodgers.

I knew you'd know that, Andy.

What?

The original home of the Dodgers was Brooklyn.

Yeah, I knew that.

I know, I'm just being stupid.

Next call of the night.

Let's do another one.

Crazy Fish Tacos.

Fish Tacos.

Ever had the pleasure of having one of those?

They only make those in a heavily ethnic community like your own.

Why aren't they any good?

Nice Fish Taco.

Or we can call Fat Albert's.

We've done that before.

Let's try to call Crazy Fish Tacos.

Hello?

Fish Tacos?

President, say something only a resident would say.

Like what?

Say something that only you would know about me.

I don't know anything about you.

Sure you do. Come on. We go way back.

We don't.

We see you fish tacos together.

Is it a residence there?

No, it's not. Come on.

How much are you paying taxes if it's a residence? Tell me.

Well, I don't know. My parents own the house, not me.

Why are you answering the phone if it's your parents' house?

Because I'm holding up onto the phone.

I think you're lying.

I guess I'm as dialed. What do you think?

I dialed 53025.

I'm trying to figure out what I did wrong.

Thank you for using Sprint.

Oh, that's the right number.

I dialed the right number.

so yeah

I was gonna say

Andy you wanna do some

you wanna just lay off

the pranks for now

you know maybe just

talk a little bit

and call it a night

no I already do

whatever you say sir

yeah everybody wants pranks

everybody wants pranks

why put pressure on me

when you can just

sandwich your butt

and just do a show

you're reading

you're missing a great show

Andy

I was paying attention

I love it when you just

start reading

does it really bother you

no it's fine

Andy I have your copy

of that game

on a SNES cartridge

it's in Deltona

yeah let me borrow it

I think it's all fine

I don't have a Super Nintendo, I'm sorry.

Last game I was playing a lot on there, PTO2.

You know who I want to play?

Remember Final Fantasy Tactics on PlayStation?

Yeah, that was the best.

That was the best game, man.

I agree with you.

I want to get a PlayStation again just for that.

Jonathan says, call a Fat Albert place.

Them are the best.

Only Jonathan can say it that way.

Call a Fat Albert place.

Them are the best, man.

I wish she could call in.

Well, that sounds like mine.

I did try to call a Fat Albert's place, but they weren't answering.

Sorry.

maybe it perhaps another one perhaps a slap shot pizza and fat albert subs let's try that instead

slap shot fat albert hey how you doing today what up hey hey how'd you get my recipe for the eyes

how'd you get my recipe for eyes that's my fat albert secret hello hello yes hey hey hey it's

fat albert to inform you we're gonna have to fire all of you we're closing the stall

What'd you say?

This is Fat Albert, and I heard to inform you I have to close the stall.

Oh, just because we're going out of business, but we didn't do that good.

Oh, okay.

So we're closing down the Fat Albert's franchise.

Alright, thanks for the information, man.

So go ahead and put all the money in the register in a pillowcase and I'll be down there to get it.

Alright, uh, just meet me like across the street or something.

Yeah, all you know, I need uh, I need a strong myself. So sandwich too. I need about four of them

You are everything on it. I need extra Mayo. Okay, Mayo on the side

Yeah, and Mayo with ice in a 44-hour coat. All right. Yeah, we got we got all that your total comes to

76 82. Hey, I'll give you 52 28. Do we gotta do? Yeah

Yeah, I think so.

Can you give me a strawberry blunt?

Yeah, it's got to be in Canadian money, though.

What about Euro?

Yen is better than that.

I eat all my Canadian money.

For real?

Yeah.

All right, yeah, Euros will work.

I got some mayonnaise and nacho cheese on it.

Oh, yeah, just throw that in there, and that'll be perfect.

I thought it was a salad.

How about I give you my recipe, the Fat Albert Salad?

You get some croutons, some ranch dressing, some cheddar cheese, some grape jelly,

Yup.

Fifty dollar bills shredded up?

Use like one.

No, gotta be fifty.

That'll work then, yeah.

Okay.

And then some of that adobo.

Alright, cool.

You guys got that adobo?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, you gotta put that on my fat apple salad.

Yeah, that'll work.

No lettuce on my salad, baby.

No, just fifties.

You got any bacon?

Yup, we got bacon.

I don't want no bacon, but I just want the grease.

Alright, yeah.

That'll be cool.

Just pour it on my salad.

Yup.

Alright then.

I'll be down there.

Alright.

All right, see you later.

All right, bye-bye.

That's a good idea for a salad.

Shredded up 50s.

$50 bills.

Yeah.

It might taste good, Andy.

Would you eat money if it was clean?

So Dave Chappelle, new episodes.

That's Sunday at 9 o'clock.

Sunday at 9.

Four lost episodes are going to be on.

The third season that he cut short.

Do you think they're going to be any good?

I don't know.

They showed one.

There's one that you can see online that's his cribs, and it's pretty funny.

Wow.

It's him making fun of the fact he got that big $55 million deal and stuff, and he's like,

Like, you know how they all show, like, they have the room full of sneakers and stuff, full of Nikes?

Right.

Well, he's actually got a sweatshop, a room with a sweatshop with Chinese people,

and a Chinese woman starts yelling at him in Chinese, and he threatens to burn her feet with cigars.

Shut up, don't tell me anymore.

Okay, well, that's the villain.

You're really going to get a show for a lot of people who don't spend a lot of time on the internet.

That's public knowledge.

It's on Comedy Central.

That's a commercial.

Well, I want to watch it when it comes out on television.

It's a commercial.

You tell me about it.

You're going to see it anyway.

You're going to joke for me.

Asshole.

Oh, yeah, Venture Brothers is coming out.

they got new episodes

I watched those

those were great

I'm the one who told you

about that show

yeah but I didn't know

there was new episodes

alright I was just

letting you know

two came out already

I watched them both

yeah

let's call Tommy Chong

he's gonna smoke weed

on um

what's that show

the Tom Green show

I wouldn't want to be

you know the government

is watching him close

they're gonna put him

back in jail

I don't think

you should talk to him

probably not

you don't want to

associate yourself

with that

yeah you don't want

them to start

looking into you

especially with your

minority problem

right

alright well

I'm gonna call it a night

Andy I think it's time

No, I mean, I don't want to even go ahead and call Tommy Chong.

Nah, we're not going to get through to that show, man.

We're going to get through to Tommy Chong and that show.

He's famous.

Tommy Chong, did I say?

I don't think there's anyone really.

I bet we have just as many listeners as Tom Green.

I think so.

I wonder how many listeners he does have.

We need to find out one day.

See how he does against me.

This is a show night, but whatever.

He does on the same night as you?

Yeah, Thursday nights.

So, which show is Clone Homegirl listening to?

I don't know.

I guess KDK's listening, not listening to my show.

And he's telling everybody what's going on

So probably everybody in the chat room isn't listening to my show anymore

So you know what fuck you KDK

I'm done alright

There you go

If you're not going to listen to my show

Then you can tell people to turn on my show

Then kiss my ass alright

Have a good night everybody

Thanks for calling in

And thanks for listening

We're out

Calls (14, 49 min of 1 h 44 min)

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