2006-07-27 Show

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up

or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

It's a good thing the time police is in the channel.

Thank you to the time police.

I want to turn the music down.

Thank you, everybody, for being here tonight.

It's Madhouse Radio.

Excuse me, 10.18 p.m. on Thursday, July 27.

27, with me here, of course, as always, as usual, is Mr. Andy.

How are you doing, everybody?

Good to have you here, Andy, for another show, right?

We've got big plans and big announcements and a lot of news, and that's that.

If you want to reach us here, you can message us on AOL Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio.

AOL Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio.

Madhouse PCU Radio, if you're on Yahoo Instant Messenger, that's Madhouse PCU Radio.

And if you're on MSN Messenger, MadhousePCURadio at Hotmail.com.

And we're going to do a show tonight.

We're going to do pranks.

Prank calls are live.

Send us your requests.

You can also email us at MadhouseRadio at gmail.com.

I always fiddle with stuff.

It's true.

You're a tweaker.

Yeah, I am.

I was, guys.

It's a good thing I'm not a smoker.

That's that.

I gave out the email address, right?

Yeah.

Toll-free line number isn't working.

We might have a few VIP callers tonight.

But the phone line is working this week

I'm getting ready to cough

Gotta get that out

That was a really crappy bowl you packed

I didn't do that

That's right

Well, yeah, I don't think

If you put too much in

The bottom shit just gets burned up

And then you're smoking

No, it was

I think there was a stem in there

No, come on, man

I hit something

I don't know

The way to do it right

Is to pack, like, you know

Smaller ones

And then pack more often

Oh, really?

That's the way

To conserve it

And get the optimal usage of it

It doesn't burn off

You know, I never thought of that.

I was overpacking.

If you pack a big, thick bowl, it's not going to smoke out.

Really?

I got to learn that.

You know, because I'll pack a bowl and I'll have it for the whole day.

No, that's awful.

Because by the end, you're burning your throat because it's coming out at a higher temperature

because it's just ash.

No resistance to the flame.

That's a good idea.

You know, I'm going to start doing that.

Just small amounts.

You know, enough for a quick session.

Like four hits.

Like getting your hair cut.

Just like that.

Four hits is like your optimal number.

Okay.

Good to know, Andy. Thanks, Andy.

That's We Talk With Andy.

Andy, who does not do any type of listening.

Not anymore.

Not at all.

He's been talking to me about quitting myself.

We'll see about that.

I'm trying to get you to come to meetings with me.

To NA?

No, the one where we play with G.I. Joe's from 1985.

Oh, nice. Nice, man.

It's really enlightened me.

Once you have snake eyes, you're going to win.

Okay.

We're talking about craps?

No, I know.

I like a lot of G.I. Joe.

Oh, okay.

He's the best.

Okay, G.I. Joe.

Yeah, see you guys.

You had a Yo Soy Joe?

No.

What did Spanish kids have to play with?

Oh, we watched G.I. Joe.

You just had blocks and shit, right?

Oh, we had G.I. Joe.

We had all that.

We got it a year late, but we had all that.

You play with coconuts.

No.

We play with animals.

Horses and chickens and whatnot.

Chupacabra.

Chupacabras and all that.

That was me growing up in Puerto Rico.

You were a mountain boy.

Any news, Andy?

Are we ever going to have this thing play out in the Middle East?

Is Syria going to get involved?

Iran going to get involved?

I don't know.

It seems like, you know, I believe that Israel probably felt that they would have more leeway, you know, internationally.

That does not happen.

Yeah.

Like, they probably, you know, but we're going to give them their time to do whatever they want.

You know, if there is a bigger war, we'll be involved.

I mean, our troops are already there.

You know, Iran can't get it.

You know, Iran and Syria have like a...

War pact or defense pact.

Yeah.

And we have...

Okay, so say we go to war with Syria.

Iran has...

Or Israel goes to war with Syria.

Iran has to get there.

Yeah.

How would they get there?

Iran isn't that far away.

They have eight.

I'm saying, but they go.

Who's in between?

In between?

Iraq.

Yeah.

You got to get through Iraq.

If they fight, we're going to fight.

We're going to fight, yeah.

Well, the whole thing, if anybody attacks Israel, if Iran attacks Israel, they're going to attack Iran.

Well, they don't have a choice.

But Iran, the prime minister of Iran came out and said if Syria were to be attacked, that Iran would assist them.

Right.

That came out.

That's been said already.

You know who also swore to assist them?

Prank master.

He makes me sick.

You heard it here.

Breaking news.

Earth, I want to discuss why Andy disappeared last show.

Is that public knowledge yet?

I don't care.

I fell down.

You fell hard.

Yeah.

Tell us the story of how you fell last week.

I hadn't smoked Crippie in a really long time, so I was drinking a few beers, and I hit some.

I haven't been smoking much in the last six months.

So then I was sitting here, and I was kind of nodding off, but unable to really speak or anything.

And then I was looking at my beer, and I was like, I had a half of one, and I had a full one.

Sitting right next to me.

I go, that one's going to get cold.

Because I slowed down.

So I picked it up and I went to go put it back in your fridge.

And I just kind of like put it in there.

And I headbutted the fridge and fell down.

Okay.

Yeah.

You fell down again, too.

Yeah.

Then I got up too quick and I fell down again.

Right.

Then I got up and I walked to the couch and I sat there.

And you listened to me finish the show.

Yeah, I did a good job of that.

I mean, like, I was walking good.

And then, you know, it wore off after like 10 minutes.

I was dazed.

Yeah.

I understand.

Well, as long as you made home okay.

You made home okay?

Yeah.

Good.

I'm happy you did it.

So, yeah, I was respectful.

I told people in the chat room.

I didn't announce it on the air.

I just said Andy.

I kept saying people pray for Andy.

Yeah.

Which makes it sound way worse.

And I accused the Dunkin' Donuts guy of doing something to you.

He sniped us.

Yeah.

I accused him.

Yeah.

He just did a drive-by on his flying carpet.

He was acting weird last week.

He's like, I'm happy you called now.

I'm happy you called now.

He was probably taping you.

You're lucky because I can't say anything.

I guess he had people there and he couldn't say anything.

He was like

Tell me you're lucky

You called out

You should call him

And tell him

We're reporting him again

Yeah

I pissed him off last time

Yeah

Well I did it with Skype

So I kept playing

I talked to his mom too

His mom got

Saying now

You're being

Let's call him

On the new

Madhouse

Immigrant song

Hang on everybody

Yeah

Immigrant song

Right by

ACDC

No

Led Zeppelin

I'm sorry

And

Excuse me

Gonna attend to the phone

We'll be right back

With the first prank of the night

do not go anywhere down to 17 minutes good night um ali where's ali ali where's some guy i want to

wait what is out what are you doing good good who am i speaking to sam sam yeah sam what are you

doing good did you wash your hands today we'll get him later i got his name though sam kind of

name is sam for an arab i'll trust that it's probably short for like samji or something like

some g samil samir some awesome m simono smooth center says the scree the stream uh i don't know

what to tell you this is dreamscaping bad people let me know uh poop is in the chat room you can

join the chat room by visiting uh kdk prank calls.com that's kdk prank calls.com or pcu radio.com

pcu radio.com or madhouse live.com and uh join the chat room where you and uh 58 other people

People can talk to me.

The Lonesome Loser is sending us numbers here for establishments that we'll be calling here tonight.

We've got a 24-hour diner, a locksmith.

I've got an idea.

In London.

Oh, yeah, we've got an international car tonight, Andy.

Aren't you excited?

Yeah.

We can call 24-hour.

Look at that.

Yeah, that'd be great.

We've got a place called Tramps where a hillbilly answered.

Oklahoma City.

Tramps.

And a hillbilly answered.

Call them.

If you call that one, call them an okie.

They hate that.

An okie.

You stupid okie.

Derek's Jamaican Cuisine.

Okay, okay.

Jamaican soul.

All right, you guys get the idea.

Oh, look at that.

Big Mama's Ripshack and Country Country.

That's the one answer.

Big Mama, I love your movie.

Oh, your movie's crazy.

Clone Homegrown says, not too bad now.

What?

Not too bad, but now and then it is.

Yeah, and what's the bad thing about it?

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I'm on my, like, third beer.

Not too bad.

Not too bad, comma.

Oh, okay.

But now and then it is.

Now and then it is.

Okay, so it's not too bad now.

I doubt anyone who listens to the show

Has ever heard the word punctuation before

He's got a question mark in there

And he's capitalized V

No they know the question mark

And then they know the little dots one after the other

The ellipse the three dots

Yeah it's like not too bad but not that it is

And he's still thinking

He wants you to think he's being thoughtful

He'd probably look at me when we were talking

I hate it when people do that

Don't look at me when you talk to me man

He'd walk up to you and go

Hello Carlito

I don't like people making eye contact with me

I don't like that Andy

I don't like that at all

I don't make eye contact with you

I don't like making eye contact with you

I don't like that

I never knew that

You know what's really weird

I've had a theater and he robbed me

I remember this one time

You were staring at my forehead

You kept looking at me like that

I was like what are you doing

You were like talking to me

Oh yeah that's a trick I used to do when I was a kid

You know, I do that in job interviews.

Dude, that really pisses people off.

You're not supposed to do it.

People get really weirded out, you know.

Well, I started doing that for a while when I was unemployed for like eight months once a few years ago.

Every time I go to an interview, I do that staring because I wanted to stay unemployed on purpose.

I wanted to keep – dude, I spent eight months on unemployment.

All I do, I wake up and I'd watch TV all day.

And if I had an interview, I'd go out for an hour and do my interview, come back home and smoke weed and watch the screensavers and news radio and the news.

interviews that's that was my life the happiest period of your life yeah and then and yeah i was

a total loser on unemployment then i finally found a job when my unemployment started running out i

freaked out you know but yeah i went to my mandatory two interviews a week and i'd always

fuck up really bad because one time was like an hour late for an interview on purpose it was i

showed up like i waltzed in and he's like he was ready to hire me as my second interview i was he

was pretty much gonna have me start like right then and i showed up an hour late i i and i came

like he's like i think it was like i have an interview with and i told him yeah um i thought

it was at nine he's like it was at eight you know what we're kind of busy right now why don't you

leave it's like oh man you said you're gonna give me the job he's like he's like no i didn't say he

was like all like freaked out you should have went to the interview as eddie you should have

this is a place they consolidate like debt that's what it was and um yeah it was like a it was like

like in a grocery it's like in a shopping plaza and stuff it was a really crappy place i will not

have been happy there but by law i had to have at least two interviews a week and that's what i

would do i go and i'd fuck up on purpose and interviews it was like the two people other

people who i've known you know really well who went on unemployment never had to go to interviews

or anything why did you have to go they actually your unemployment lady actually call you and

everything because there's never even called no well you have to keep a log of it yeah they

They never did that.

But after you expire your first nine months, they get a little more serious with you.

Yeah.

And you have to, not that you have to interview, but I'm saying you can't turn down an interview and stuff,

and they start actually calling at random the people that you go to.

But all they can answer by law, they can't say, oh, yeah, he came in.

I didn't hire him because he was high or he was this or he was that.

All they can say is, yes, he interviewed.

No, we didn't send him an offer for work.

Okay.

That's all they can say.

Yes, so-and-so came in and blah, blah, blah.

They probably had to check up on you a lot because of your ethnic problem.

Exactly, because I'm prone to live off of welfare on SSI, man.

Well, you got the two, you got the Italian last name and the Spanish first name.

The Spanish first name.

Yeah.

So it throws them off.

They just get terrified.

They look at that name and they're like, that's someone I got to check up on.

Hey, now that I got a regular phone line, I'm going to be connecting this next week.

Wow.

High technology.

The phones will ring and this will flash here to let us know someone's calling.

and it'll give us

the caller ID

on the screen

right here

and everything

and it keeps

track of the time

for us and everything

so um

show's going places

man

you excited about that

yeah

yeah we're gonna have

a whole caller ID

system

provided by Bell South

here

uh

next week

on the Madhouse

Andy is that gonna be

your last show

I don't know

I think that may be

you know the last

or the second to last

and then I'm gonna

go up north

okay

well

yeah

I'll let you know

next week

if it's the last show

or not

alright

we gotta do something

you know

I don't know

we gotta do something

I saw Clerks too Andy

It wasn't that bad

Really

Yeah

I think you might like it

It'll be good on HBO

If it's good in the movie

Okay

He lost me after Clerks

Really

You didn't like Mallrats

No

No that shit

I didn't like Chasing Amy

I laughed at parts of

Jane Silent Bob

Yeah

Because it was so dark

Some of that shit was funny

Anyway

But I thought

The one with Carlin was awful too

Oh Dogma was the worst

Yeah

I don't know

Chasing Amy is worse than that

Chasing Amy is

The Katie Kane movie

I think

You know

Is he in that

No but it's

It's his style of movie, I think.

What's the ending, dude?

I don't want to know.

I think it has, like, the black guy.

It's funny.

Yeah.

The comic book black guy?

Yeah.

Like, all militant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wasn't there something about Archie comics they were fighting about or something?

I don't know.

Who's making me bring up that shit?

I don't read comics without superpowers.

Okay.

Gotcha.

You ever read the Robocop comic book?

I think I have before I read a couple of books.

It was pretty good.

Really?

Yeah.

I like the underrated comics.

G.I. Joe.

G.I. Joe was good.

Yeah.

They still make those, too.

Yeah, but it's totally different people, so I heard it's not that great.

Mr. T in the T-Force is pretty good, too.

Very underrated.

Okay, we've got to do calls, man.

Right.

Hang on here.

Let's call London, England.

Let's call this 24-Hour Locksmith.

Langham House, Regent Street.

God dang it.

Oh, it's an Indian guy.

Yeah, so you've got to call then.

Yes.

That's great.

Plenty of time.

Hello?

Sir, can you hear me?

How can you ring somebody at 25 to 4 in the morning?

Because it's a 24-Hour Locksmith.

What is it you're after, sir?

Well, I need to get my keys out of my car. It's urgent.

Yeah, we don't deal with cars at all.

What do you deal with?

Houses, padlocks, motorbikes, but not cars.

Okay, but the problem is the car is inside the garage and the garage is locked and the baby is inside the car.

Nah, mate. Nah, nah.

It's inside the car. The baby is inside the car, sir. Come on.

I can't help you, sir.

Look, this is America, buddy. Now, you're required to do this.

You're in America. We're in London, you idiot.

Hey, idiot, I'm American, okay? That means anything around me is American soil.

oil that's how things run around here now okay big guy well i'm sorry i can't help you well look

the look i need to get the baby out of here you didn't hear what i said i cannot help you look

if i could help you i could say i can help you you're a disgusting man how can you how can you

not help me huh after what we did for you in world war ii thank you for you

jesus that was funny yeah i understand my stream is skipping it a lot i'm trying to fix it guys

um i think i might know what the source of the problem is i'm going to try to fix that now

Now, there's something missing around with my internet connection.

There it is.

It's probably skipping right now, as a matter of fact.

Let me shut this off.

I gotta kill the ticker.

Oh, boy.

So, yeah, KDK's cat is sick, Andy.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Maybe we could feed a cat.

No.

Your dog.

I don't encourage bloodshed.

No bloodshed between our peoples.

Yeah.

You want Clone Homegrown to call in?

I'll send him the new number here right quick.

Oh, I forgot it.

Hey, Athena.

What's the new phone number?

Everybody.

Okay.

There you go, Clone Homegrown.

room that way he can call jana ferry is asking me to pass the bowl hey seriously though i am very

sorry if the stream is skipping guys it was uh 12 minutes ago i think i got it i think i fixed it

all right pick and clean cleaning service in louisville kentucky oh hell no hell no those

bastards didn't do that i might need a new domestic car dude what we're gonna do i think i got a plan

so this is spick and span cleaning service that's horrible spick and clean spick and clean that

That they would use that name, clean, in that sentence.

I know.

Come on.

Those two words don't get it.

But also, those two words don't go together.

Yeah.

Oh, hey, I'm sorry.

I had you on the wrong line.

Are you guys hiring?

Hell.

Are you hiring, sir?

That's the wrong number.

No.

Is this the spick and clean?

Who the hell is this?

Yeah, you're calling.

Your mom.

Your mom?

Yeah.

Who is that?

Your mom.

She's over here right now.

You want to talk to her?

Are you a man or a woman?

Who are you?

I'm the pastor.

So who?

Pastor McWhorters, for people to come join us in services Sunday, we're starting up in the community.

Your mom told us to call.

Well, sir, ma'am.

Come on, in the name of Jesus Christ and all that, come on, talk.

Thank you for using Sprint.

Leave it to Poop.

You know, that's the last time I ever take a number from him.

He sends me numbers replaced, I think he just puts random numbers in there.

Every time I call, it's like nothing.

He lies, like he changed it from Mike Johnson to Spick and Clean Cleaning Service.

Yeah.

You do that,

get a rise out of you.

Yeah.

Instead of the fictitious

Mike Johnson name.

Damn you.

Just be honest, man.

You know,

you know,

Poop,

you're banned from

sending me numbers

for the rest of the night.

Okay?

Sorry.

That's it.

So, yeah,

the toll-free line is down.

We'll have it back up next week.

And that's that.

And we have control here,

everybody.

Who can we call next?

Tramps of Hillbilly.

Is that who I think it is?

Oh, great.

It's blocked.

Well, that helps.

Hello?

We're taking orders from Poop, man.

Yeah, they suck, man.

You're just figuring this out?

It's a learning experience, I guess.

Yeah, you got something there in the background, man.

It's probably this fan.

Let me turn it off.

Oh.

Well, I hear myself.

Yeah.

The fan, the fan is wired to the Internet.

It's probably my speaker thing, huh?

Yeah.

So what's up with you, man?

Fucking ripped.

Yeah?

Well, good.

Yeah.

What else would Clone Homegrown be doing on a Thursday night?

Fucking stoned.

Good.

He sounds extra stoned tonight.

Yeah, actually, I think he sounds like maybe a little more vibrant

Well, he's not monotone tonight for sure.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

I guess the phone sounds better.

I think his wife is out bowling or something.

What's going on with the old lady?

Is she out?

No.

She's in the other room watching TV.

She put her finger in your butt.

That's what it is.

That's a relaxing one.

Yeah.

You got the stinky pinky tonight.

Did she tickle your prostate?

No, I had a doctor try to do that to me and I fucking turned around and slapped the bitch.

Yeah?

Yeah.

That's how you do it.

Cops came and everything.

You came?

The cops came too.

The cops came.

You're such a gangster.

Yeah, the came on his chest.

How glad that we know it.

The came on his chest.

He's a gangster.

Yeah, you got that right.

Yeah.

Word dog.

Right.

Is there anything like a bird dog?

Just hunt word.

Clone, are you okay, man?

I mean, what's going on, dude?

Clone just gave you a ride home, huh?

Yeah.

He just gave me a ride home.

I'm higher than a giraffe head.

This is higher than you normally are?

Apparently it is.

Yeah, I got some killer killer.

Man, when did I stay in the Radisson?

When did you stay in the Radisson?

Yeah, I've got a sticky note here.

I've got a, like, a notepad from the Radisson.

Hey, did we say the Radisson in Charlotte?

That was special to me.

What'd you say yesterday?

I don't know.

I don't remember going to the Radisson.

Next thing I know, Athena's thinking I went to the Radisson and I get in trouble.

There's Clone Homegrown.

Right.

Yeah.

That's me.

Right on.

I got the VIP.

I got the VIP number, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, don't spread that around, man.

That's my personal number.

You had my old personal number.

I'm going to give it to Poop and I don't have to spread nothing.

Oh, that'd be great.

Great, yeah, do that.

He'll give it to everybody.

Yeah, this is, uh, this is Adam Sandler.

I confirmed his number.

It's Adam Sandler.

It'll be my number.

People will just call me.

They'll give it to Zolar tomorrow.

You've got to call somebody with that little kid's voice, man.

Yeah.

Nah, it's not that good.

Hey, is Adam Sandler there?

That's my make-a-wish.

I'm lost in the wall.

I think my parents left me.

How do you get a hold of make-a-wish, Andy?

Do you think you can call as a kid and tell them?

They kind of, like, scout.

They wait to see Kim and then die.

You know that last comic standing right here?

Oh, that guy.

The one with cerebral palsy?

He said that his, it's a make-a-wish.

I've seen that clip of him doing shit.

It's a make-a-wish, man.

Seriously.

He says that.

Have you ever seen, you've never watched that show?

Yeah, I've watched a few episodes.

Oh, yeah?

He's pretty fucking funny, though.

Yeah, I thought he was funny.

When I saw Chappelle, there was some black guy from that show.

He was doing, he opened for Chappelle, and he was pretty funny.

He's from Miami.

I don't know who he was.

He's from Miami.

Yeah, I mean, he did a pretty good job.

Some black dude.

Have you seen anything on the crackheads gone wild?

No.

I looked at that link yesterday.

That's pretty messed up.

You remember Bumfights, Andy?

Remember I told you about Bumfights?

It's like, it's some guy who's recording crackheads fighting and shit.

Just crackheads in Atlanta.

Crackheads getting down, boo-booing on the walls and shit.

Yeah.

Nasty.

It's pretty fucked up.

Yeah, crackheads.

I don't think it'll last, but I'll get a copy now before it goes.

Yeah, and it'll be worth a lot of money in about 20 years.

Yeah.

Well he does it more

Documentary style

I think it's okay

The way he does it

He's trying to show

How crack is an epidemic

Where bumfights is just

Hey these are

Dumb fucking bums

Yeah

Bumfights had very little

To do with the bums

They only did a little bit

Of stuff at the end

Well the bumfights

Those were just

Tapes of fights

You know what

Was bumfights the one

That had the guy

Walking around like

The crocodile hunter

Tying up the bums

Yeah

You know that was funny

It was mean

But it was kind of funny though

I like that

That's funny

Look at this one

in hell

like that

you like tie

them all up

and

poor bums

yeah

good times

I want some

bump fights

I gotta buy

that

you can't even

buy it anymore

right

it's all

banned

and shit

yeah

it's all

fucking

regulated

and banned

hey you wanna

do a call

let's see here

put some

jamaican

restaurants

we got

big mama's

rib shack

and country

cooking

a black woman

answered there

that's in

vegas

um

if you wanna

call london

we have a

24 hour

diner

in london

and uh

I've got a

a vet clinic in California, two of them, that is, and we got a gas station in London also.

What's up with the Jamaicans? Let's get some Jamaicans out.

Okay, we've got L.A., Cypress, California, or Berkeley, California?

Cypress.

Cypress, the Irie Jamaican restaurant in Cypress, California.

A guy answered about an hour ago. Let's see if this should still be open.

It's like 7.51. They'll be closing up. Well, this is fun.

All right, good luck with that, man.

Best of luck to you, and we'll be right back with that, everybody.

What is that?

He's a weird...

Train wreck, nigga.

Train wreck.

It wasn't my fucking fault.

Train wreck radio, nigga.

Hang on.

I understand that completely.

I was really looking forward to your bad Jamaican.

I knew it was coming.

I'm going to do a bad Jamaican accent.

Why not?

That would be so you.

Yeah.

And I would do...

I'm going to ask him for the really good weed and see if I can get some jerk chicken.

Hey, you know what?

This Derek's Jamaican Cuisine, if I'm correct, this is the one that Great Scott called asking for weed and they freaked out on him.

Like, the owner, did you hear that on the replay?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think this is the one.

Maybe they're open here.

Alright, let's try this one instead.

If not, then we'll try something a little more 24-hour-ish, or late-open-ish.

Andy, what do you see that I can play, goddammit?

Um, shit, I don't know.

In my projects.

Hey, this is gonna suck me, but I'm done.

How would you imagine?

Yeah, that's alright, alright I guess.

We need more music.

I'm not the biggest fan, but...

Everybody's sending you music, hang on.

Hang on for a minute.

Where is David?

Yeah, like I said, I'll block a doc for Legos.

Calling

Derek.

Yeah, is, is, uh, the manager in?

Um, what is this regarding?

It's a, it's a, it's a very well good complaint, thank you.

Excuse me?

It's a good complaint.

Okay.

One second.

Where is that wish?

And I have a big problem.

You see, I was in there.

I was sitting down, had dinner.

And I think when I took my money out to pay for the meal, I believe my weed fell out of my pocket.

Your what?

My weed.

Harsh.

Great.

Go take a sandwich break, man.

Wow.

Yeah, I'm going to make a sandwich.

I'm going to make a sandwich.

Are you?

Yeah.

Looks like I was right, though, right?

Yeah.

We couldn't get through

what show without

talking about food.

What kind of

sandwich are you

going to eat?

I got some

Carl Budding

beef there.

I got some

cheddar cheese.

I'm going to put

some mayo on

some whole wheat

bread.

I want one of

those.

I just got some

mayo.

What do you make

it?

Toast one bread.

Have a brother

slap it on there.

Yeah.

No, I have mayo.

You got to get

Hellman's is the

best mayo.

You know I use

mayo.

I use Miracle Whip.

I don't like

Miracle Whip.

That's salad

dressing.

I'm not putting

salad dressing on

my...

But who puts

that under

Who would do that?

Who would use Miracle Whip on their salad?

Right, so it's not salad dressing.

It's for tuna salad and egg salad.

And for sandwiches.

You like pimento cheese salad?

That's some good shit.

No, I don't eat anything salad.

No?

But I put Miracle Whip on my sandwiches.

What about a spread?

A pimento cheese spread?

I put Miracle Whip on chicken and turkey,

and I put mayo on...

Have fun with it.

All right, man, we tried.

You want to try one more, man,

or stay on the line here, dude?

No, it seems...

You bastard

Fine

I see how it is man

Thanks

I don't smoke without you

Fucker

High and dry

Fine

Clone homegrown

Are you still doing a show?

Are you still doing a show man?

Are you still doing a show?

I do one every now and then

Oh okay

Hey man

Is the stream still skipping

In the last 20 minutes

Since we tried to fix it?

I haven't heard it

Okay

Well good

Of course I'm not listening to it

I'm talking to you on the phone

That's alright yeah

Well you were listening before

But that's no excuse

Okay

Alright man

man, well, thanks very much. Later.

Alright, then. A very, a very, uh,

summer. Obviously upset about the

Middle East. Yeah. What are your thoughts on the

Middle East? Uh, nuke it, turn it to glass,

go over there and dig up the oil. He's,

he's upset that the people aren't dying fast

enough. Yeah, they're turning into a parking lot,

man. It's taking too long.

I think it'd be a nice parking lot.

Where would you go if you parked your car there?

Uh, I'd park it on Mecca.

Yeah. I'd take a

shit at Mecca. Yeah, I would too,

definitely.

I don't want to go there.

You know where Alaska goes?

Dubai.

I heard that's a nice place.

Yeah, I don't want to go there.

I don't want to go to Texas.

Oh, okay.

Then stay away.

Oh, I want to be a pack of dancers.

All right, man.

I read an article one time.

Osama bin Laden had some kidney surgery done in Dubai.

Yeah?

And it was a U.S. medical facility.

Supposedly, he had a meeting with one of the top CIA agents.

In the grays, right?

9-11.

In the gray aliens?

In the gray aliens.

There, there, there.

The reptilians.

Watch out for the barking dogs, man.

I'm out.

All right.

The barking dogs.

He's having tough times with his wife.

His wife is suffering from cesarean cancer.

What the hell is cesarean cancer?

I don't know.

I just made that up.

Cesarean cancer.

I was like, wow.

That's kind of scary.

I'm going to call people until I think I have cesarean cancer.

Oh, man.

Call Ask a Nurse.

Yo, I got that cesarean cancer.

So Earth Dog sends me a number for the song for the break.

And he says, got another one for you later if you want it, yo.

And you should listen to Zola tomorrow night.

It's going to be a great show.

He's going to have, I don't know, Charles Goonan.

He's a funny guy.

He's my best friend now.

Good friends with Charles Goonan.

We got a big mention from Dr. Lego last night.

We're going to, I didn't have enough time to isolate that.

But by next week, I'll have that into a little promo for the show.

Thank you, Dr. Lego, at my expense.

Um, Clone Homegrown in the chat room explains that Mecca is a dirt farm.

Do it, they will laugh at your ass.

Okay.

Spam sandwich.

I'm not a fan of spam.

Fried spam, I don't like that at all.

I don't like that at all.

I know a friend of mine, Eddie, he likes to take spam and he slices it thick.

And he fries an egg and puts it on top of it and then fries his spam.

That's gross.

Yeah, and then he puts cheese on it and he puts it on a, on a, on like regular Wonder Bread.

Does he stir the egg up?

Is it scrambled or is it just like yolk right in the middle of it?

Yeah, just yolk.

Yeah, he fries an egg just, you know, you know when you just throw that.

Is that sunny side up or is that over easy?

What's over easy?

I don't know, man.

I don't get that.

I eat them scrambled.

I eat them that way, too.

I don't know what it's called.

I think that's sunny side up.

Sunny side up is the one.

No, they're still leaky.

Is that what you're saying, Athena?

The way through?

Okay.

Which is the one that's runny?

Okay.

I like over easy.

That's gross, man.

No, because you take the toast and you dip your toast in it.

That's uncooked.

Oh, it's so good to take that toast.

You dip that toast in that yolk, man.

That's so good.

I'll eat them sunny side up

You go to IHOP

You get the butter toast

And you dip it in there by the corner

And it breaks in

And you put a little bit of salt on it

And you eat it

That's why I got diabetes

Remember I used to go to IHOP

And I'd get the T-bone steak

And I'd be like

I want an order of sausage

And then this one time we came home

And we got home at 8 o'clock in the morning

From the lab

The computer lab playing games

At the college that we used to go to

And we'd stop to get breakfast on the way home

Before we went to sleep

We'd go to IHOP and we'd get home

And I remember Mike was like, yeah, so what'd you and Carlos do?

And I was like, oh yeah, he was like

I want a side of sausage

And I was in a bad mood and was like

Fuck you, motherfucker

It's true though, every time we went there

You'd get the steak and eggs

And then a side of pancakes and shit

No, I'd get a side of sausage

I used to eat a lot of meat

You'd go to IHOP and your bill would be like

$30

$30 and it's like

so impossible to do that.

Everybody else is like $4.

I'd have every single meat that you could.

And I'd get my hash browns with like cheese and onions

and ham and extra cheese.

Cheese and ham and extra cheese.

Cheese and ham.

God, I'd load up. I'd get everything.

Absolutely everything you could get on my hash browns.

Anything you could drink in a soda.

Tons of regular Coke.

Maybe eating breakfast

with steak and eggs and ham

and a soda.

At 8 o'clock in the morning, we had been up since, like, man, it was so weird.

I would, what, go to sleep around 8, 9 o'clock in the morning, wake up at, like, 3 o'clock in the afternoon, skip class, not even go to school.

You know what I mean?

And then go to work until, like, midnight, get out, and then go straight to the computer lab and be there until, like, 8 o'clock in the morning and do it all over again.

I think, I don't know, that's kind of a weird way to live, man.

It was.

It was a weird way to live.

Yeah, you did it more often than I did, but I did it too much, too.

Yeah, well, it screwed me up.

Let's go play video games.

Oh, we played with StarCraft.

Yeah, and you weren't even good at it.

I was so crappy at it.

It was such a waste of time.

I was good.

You were awful.

Yeah.

StarCraft, we played Age of Empires, the first one, right?

Yeah.

We played that Star Trek, Fleet Command, or something.

I don't know.

Something.

I don't know.

That game, I've always tried to find it.

Like, see if I can find, like, a shareware version or freeware or whatever the fuck it's

called.

Yeah.

Like, if I could download it on the internet somehow, and no one ever has it.

There's, like, a ton of new ones that have come out after that.

That was the only cool Star Trek game ever.

There's one coming out I hear things about.

They get this whole online Star Trek game

where you can be like a character

and you can have your own ship.

Can you believe that?

I'm going to be a Ferengi or something.

Space Jews.

I used to call them Space Jews.

This is what the Ferengi are.

They're Space Jews.

Space kikes.

Yeah.

Moving right along.

So you're actually going to fight?

Oh, Clone Homegrown was going to tell us

how to load the perfect ball.

Well, it's too late for that.

You really screwed that one up.

Okay.

Crusader says he's making a bump fight

segmentation in his city.

scarf down two bananas, and chug a Sprite.

I don't have bananas. I got some diet Sprite, though.

But moving right along.

Cock and Bull in Kansas.

A woman answered. Okay.

I'm going to call that 24-hour diner in Tinseltown.

I'm sorry, the Tinseltown 24-hour diner in London, England.

Hang on, everybody.

Hey, good evening.

Good evening.

What kind of... I'm in the mood for American food.

Is that what you guys serve there?

Sorry?

Do you serve American fare?

Fare. Food.

No, no, no. We don't serve fare.

What do you have? What's your most popular item on the menu?

No, I don't want alcohol.

What? A beer. What's mean a beer?

No, fair. F-A-R-E.

Oh, a beer.

Yeah.

Oh, milkshake you mean?

Big turkey man?

No.

Are you from Turkey?

No.

Are you from Pakistan?

No.

Where are you from?

American.

You're Puerto Rican?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, me too, man.

Really?

Yeah, so what's, is there a lot of Puerto Ricans up there?

Oh, no.

No?

What do you call a Hispanic person?

What do you call a Spanish person?

Spanish.

Yeah.

Spanish.

Will you say anything bad?

Like, you want to make fun of them?

What do you say?

I don't know, man.

I'm not from there.

I'm joking.

Oh.

So where are you really from, then?

What's your ethnicity?

Guess.

Guess where I'm from.

Pakistan.

No, Pakistan.

Go to the North Africa, mate.

Libya?

Next to it.

Egypt?

What's next to it?

Next to it.

Somalia?

What?

Somalia?

No, I don't know.

Oh, oh, oh, I know.

Ireland.

No, no, no.

You're actually North Africa.

You're going to the east.

Yeah, France, France.

French, it is...

We are like...

We're speaking French, actually.

What do you mean you're speaking French?

You're Angola?

No, no, no.

I said North, North Africa.

Libya?

What else do you know in the Arabic country?

Nigeria?

No, Algeria.

Are you a tribesman?

I said Algeria.

Really?

Yeah.

I don't hear that much.

You're a north...

You're a tribesman?

So, you're black?

You got a chocolate face?

No, I'm not black.

I'm white.

From Algeria?

You're from Africa.

I'm from Africa, but not all Africa black.

So you're Muslim?

I am, bro.

Do you read the Koran?

I read the Koran.

Do you believe in it?

I believe in it.

Okay.

I found a few Korans here on the side of the road.

Really?

Yeah.

So what do you have?

Do you have to bless them?

Do you have what?

What does the Virgin Mary's place in the Holy Bible?

Come here and I'll explain to you.

No, explain to me now.

Let me know.

I can't now.

Come on, tell me something.

About?

What?

How about if I say As-Salaam-Alaikum?

Wa-Alaikum-Salaam.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah?

What about Olmec couscous?

Come eat it with me then.

What did you say?

I say come here and eat it with me.

Oh, you want me to eat your mother's pussy over there?

Yeah.

Yeah?

All right, well, let's do that.

Okay, then.

Where does she live?

One day I can come here then.

Is she still in Algiers?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Very nice.

You're not going to send for her?

No, no, no.

Why not?

You don't like her?

Why?

Is she upset that you have a black woman?

No.

No?

Would you sleep with a black woman?

Yeah.

Do you hate Jews?

What?

Do you hate Jews?

I don't hate Jews.

What do you think that Israel should be doing in Palestine right now?

What they are doing, isn't it?

What do you think?

Do you think that they should get out?

You're upset at the Jews for the way they treat the Palestinians?

Anyone, they shouldn't hate innocent people, isn't it?

So, do you recognize Palestine?

What do you think?

I don't think you do.

You do?

Of course I do, yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Have you been to Mecca yet for the pilgrimage?

No.

For the Hajj?

No.

Are you planning on doing it?

Maybe in the future, isn't it?

Have you ever eaten pork before?

I never and I will not.

You would never even try.

You're not even curious.

I would never even look at it.

Not even a little bit of ham?

No way.

Do you think you've ever eaten pork on accident?

What?

Do you think you may have ever eaten pork on accident?

No, no, no.

I never.

Never even a chance?

Never ever even I smell it, man.

Really?

Well, do you know one time I put pork in someone's food?

You?

On purpose, yeah.

Well, that's you, isn't it?

Well, he's my co-worker.

He's your colleague?

Yeah, we work together at the 24-hour restaurant here.

That's no good, isn't it?

I put little pieces of bacon inside his pancakes.

If he knows, he will be sick.

Well, I was thinking about telling him.

Do you think he'll die in hell if I don't tell him?

He will be angry with you, too much.

Well, what if I don't tell him?

Will he get in trouble with God or Allah?

No, no, no.

No?

No.

So what should I tell him?

Should I tell him or no?

No, don't tell him.

Okay.

Yeah, just keep it like that.

Because I was thinking maybe I should tell him, you know, I'll put some pork in your food.

Oh, no.

And it's like nothing.

It's a practical joke.

That's all.

He may be angry with you and he will never talk to you.

Have you ever hit your wife?

I never.

And I will never do that.

Never?

I will never do that.

Are you married?

I am.

Do you have kids?

No.

Do you enjoy soccer or football, as you say?

Yeah.

You do?

I love it.

Well, what's your favorite team, Iran?

What do you mean in England?

Yeah, sure, that one.

Yeah, it's Manchester.

Manchester United?

Yeah.

Ah, you see, I knew that, huh?

You think us Yanks don't know all that stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

What about you?

Me?

Oh, I'm a football fan over here.

I'm a fan of the Giants.

Okay.

Yeah, you know, the New York Giants.

You like, actually you like the American football, right?

Yeah, it's a funny thing because the New York Giants, but they play in New Jersey.

I don't get it.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

That's good.

But you wouldn't understand.

It's a black thing.

Sorry?

It's a black thing.

It's a black?

Yes.

Okay.

You know, a black thing.

Good.

Okay.

Well, let me ask you a question.

Could you stay in the line and talk to a friend of mine from America who's kind of been upset at me and he's a Muslim?

Yeah, I will.

Why not?

Do you think maybe you could speak for me and kind of vouch for me that I'm a good guy?

Ha, yeah.

Can you hang on the line?

Give me like two minutes and I'll put him on the line.

Do you don't mind?

You can call back.

Oh, no, no, no.

He'll hang up on me.

He's mad at me.

Oh, okay.

Okay, you're going to ask for Sam, okay?

No problem.

And you tell him that I'm a friend of yours and that I want to say I'm sorry.

See, maybe he'll listen to you, okay?

Okay.

You promise you're not going to hang up?

What am I going to do?

You're just going to tell him that my name is, you know, that I'm your friend, okay?

I am Sam's friend.

No, you're my friend.

You're going to tell Sam that I'm your friend.

Okay.

And that I'm sorry, and as a brother in Islam, that you want him to understand that it's truthful that I am sorry.

I'm sorry, I want to apologize.

I slept with his wife.

You're not going to hang up, are you?

I'm not going to hang up.

I hope he doesn't hang up.

I'm going to ask for Sam.

He's at my restaurant that I work at with him.

It's Dunkin' Donuts.

Tell him that I'm sorry that I slept with his wife.

Sorry that I slept with his wife?

No, that I am.

You're my friend and you're telling him

that I slept with his wife.

Oh, I slept with your wife?

Yes.

Hello.

Sam?

Yeah.

No, I'm not.

I'm looking for Sam.

Speaking Muslim.

You're looking for who?

I'm looking for who?

Yeah.

I'm looking for you, isn't it?

You're looking for me?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, go ahead.

Go ahead.

What do you want?

Not you.

No, not me.

But what about me?

So what do you want?

I just dialed the wrong number.

He has something to say to you, Sam.

What?

Tell him what I told you to say in Arabic that I'm sorry for sleeping with his wife.

Tell him, please.

Oh, in Arabic?

Yes.

Are you sure he understands?

Yes, he will.

Go.

Hurry.

Oh, okay.

Yes.

Arabic.

Sorry?

Speak Arabic.

No.

How do you understand that?

What's that?

I tell you to speak Arabic.

He's talking about you.

Okay.

Go ahead.

What do you want?

I want you.

Huh?

I want you.

You want me?

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, I got you.

I know who you are.

Who I am?

Because that guy, you work in that one coffee,

coffee, the restaurant down the street?

The restaurant?

Yes, you are.

Parlez français?

Yes, you are.

Who?

I told you.

I got you.

You got me?

Yeah.

That's good.

Okay.

Tomorrow, I'm going to come over there.

I'm going to kick your ass.

You'll kick my ass?

Yeah.

Why?

Because.

Because of what?

What do you want?

I just want to talk to you, isn't it?

Why are you getting angry?

Huh?

Why are you getting angry?

I'm not what?

Why you are angry?

I'm not.

So why you gonna come and kick my ass?

Because, what you want?

Ah, that's not good, my friend.

Anyway, I'm...

Because, listen, listen.

I got two, three misses called by now, you know, and somebody he playing in the phone, okay?

If you are or no, I'm serious.

Which restaurant you mean? Which restaurant you mean?

No, no, somebody he's playing, you know, with me.

Ah, okay.

So I don't know if you are or no.

Ah, it's no, it's no, it's no.

No, you're not. I'm sorry.

No problem.

Because some guy, he's playing, you know. He says something bad, you know.

Really?

That's right.

What did he say?

He says a lot of things, you know.

Oh, my.

I don't want to say it. I think you're the same guy. That's why.

No, no, no, my friend. It's not me. It's not me.

Sorry about that.

No problem, my friend.

Okay, so do you want some fig ale?

No, thank you.

Where? Are you at home?

No, I'm here.

Where are you?

Back in Donut.

Okay, so which restaurant do you think I am from?

Do you speak Arabic?

Yes, I do.

Okay, speak Arabic.

I will speak Arabic with you.

I know, because I think somebody is playing.

I think there is someone who is playing, you know?

Yes.

Yes, someone who is playing.

Oh, this is not someone you know, because I talked to him and he told me to put the line with you.

No way.

Oh, he told me that I am with his wife.

Fuck you, bitch, motherfucker.

I think he's black.

He's black?

I mean, where did you learn that from?

American, American, American.

I know, I didn't know what you were saying.

No, he's laughing. Why is he laughing?

So, he's on three lines?

Yeah.

Okay.

I don't know what he's saying.

Hello?

Boogie Boogie Music.

Boogie Boogie Music?

Yeah.

Okay, why don't you talk to me, but you know...

I'm listening, I'm listening to your phone conversation.

Okay, I'm sorry?

I'm listening to your phone conversation.

Okay, so do you want to come over here?

I'm with...

I told you, that's 110.

I'm with the...

I want to see you.

I swear, I'm serious.

I want to...

I'm with the Citizens Auxiliary Brigade.

I can't hear you.

You know what that means?

I can't hear you.

Listen, listen, listen to me.

Why you need from this conversation?

Why you put a leak like that to you?

Yeah, you tell me.

What about why?

You know what he does to me?

He threaten me.

But why, why, why?

Do you know each other, guys?

Yes, I do.

I went into his restaurant once and I got donuts and he spit in the box.

Oh.

You know?

And then I called him back to complain that he was rude to me.

I'm not older than you because some guy, he's playing with me.

Listen.

He said bad words for me.

Listen, listen to this.

No, he said it's like I want to sleep with your mom, I want to fuck your mom, it's like that, you know?

No, no, no, that's not it.

You know, that's why I think you are, you know?

Listen to what he said to me.

I'm not saying something wrong.

Listen.

I'm not just for me, you know?

For the boss, he said something bad for all the people here, you know?

Look.

I already called the police, I do the report, you know, but I don't, like, what is that, man?

It's here's work only, you know?

Listen, sir, listen, I have you, listen to what you said to me.

Fuck you, bitch, motherfucker.

Yes, go ahead.

Fuck you, bitch, motherfucker.

Hello?

Remember when you said that to me?

He's doing something.

You said that, that's his voice telling me, fuck you, bitch, motherfucker.

Who?

I said, look, I got a bad donut.

Fuck you, bitch, motherfucker.

Who said that?

You did, that's your voice.

What day?

Fuck you, bitch, motherfucker.

That's you.

What day? What day?

I don't know. I had to look into the records.

That's a long time ago?

It was at least a month ago.

That's a long time ago?

About a month ago, yeah. And you still haven't apologized to me.

Because you said something that was mean. That's why I told you.

That is you saying fuck you, bitch, motherfucker to me.

For no reason?

No, no, hold on. For no reason?

You said it for no reason.

Okay, for no reason?

No reason at all.

I never do my life like that for no reason.

Well, I have you.

If you don't say something bad about me, I'm not going to say something bad about you.

Well, look, if you had not said that bad to me, we wouldn't be at this point right now.

No, no, no, no.

No, I never, I already, listen, already I got the report from the police, already the police heard that, you know, before, you know.

I did too.

And he said something bad.

The police, you know, the officer, he heard everything about, you know.

I got everything, but I'm not going to go for the course for stupid, you know, thing, you know.

Somebody said bad words about me

Look, well I called the police too

And I told them that you hurt my feelings

And they laughed at me

Okay

He's hurt your feelings

And you know what they said?

They said don't be a faggot

And I was like what do you mean?

And they hung up the phone on me

Yeah, we're here

Yeah, do you need a translator?

Oh, don't start that

What are you saying about me?

I don't know, he's talking to me in Jordan

I'm at a restaurant, I work at a restaurant

Shish kebab

Spaghetti

You know, this is probably very unwise. We're connecting an international call between two Arabic speakers.

We have the government's attention now.

No, because, listen, I was staying here a month ago.

Olmec.

From 12 to 6 in the morning.

Olmec, Olmec.

So some people, you know, they're playing, you know.

Olmec, Olmec.

He calls you here and you have a donut

He says, uh, if you have clean hands

He says, come play with me

Come play with me

He calls you here and you have a donut

He calls the police

He says, the police are here

The police are here

Oh, damn it. What are you talking about?

That's it.

Jesus God, what are you talking about?

What's he saying?

No, he's just explaining to me the situation, isn't it?

Is he mad at me?

Well, he's angry because you're swearing at him and everything.

You're calling him every time.

What?

In Arabic.

Zero two.

Zero two?

Ah, zero two, zero.

Okay.

Seven six.

Okay.

Okay, we're gonna hang up. That's it. It's over.

No, no, you hang on there, British man. I gotta talk to you.

Alright, that's it. No more.

These guys. What's the matter with you, man?

I thought you were on my side.

Jason, what's happened?

Well, what did he say?

What's he got to say about the situation?

He said they're always calling me and taking a piece from me, isn't it?

Yeah.

And they're taking, how is your hand?

Did you wash it?

Oh, what are you...

I want to ask them why.

They say, oh, come on and play with it.

What, are you disappointed in me or something?

Sorry?

Are you disappointed in me or something?

I don't give a shit, to be honest.

That's great.

Well, hey, thanks for being on my radio show, man.

Sorry?

That's it.

Thanks for being on my radio show.

You have a radio?

Yeah, you're on the radio.

You're on the radio right now, worldwide.

Me?

I'm in the radio.

Yes, you are.

That's right.

Oh, really?

So what's your name?

Why do you worry about my name?

Oh, just, you know, let people know who you are, where you're calling.

We're calling London, England.

We know that.

We're in America here.

I don't worry about my name.

Oh, whatever.

Exactly.

Whatever.

All right.

You have a good night there.

Thank you very much for playing.

You too, man.

Yeah.

All right, damn it.

Bye.

All right.

Oh,

man.

That was fun.

That was very epic.

Yeah.

Okay.

I don't know.

I had to end it.

That guy's a trip, though, man.

That guy's a trip.

I knew it was going to end up like that.

I think he got upset at me.

No, I think, actually, I think things are probably smoother now than they were.

The English guy, he was arguing for us.

I truly believe that.

We need to get someone to translate that.

Where's DTT when you need him, man?

He'd be perfect right now.

He could translate that whole conversation that we don't understand or something.

Are you worried that maybe connecting an international call between England and America

with two Arabic speakers

might be a problem.

Right.

You think it might

raise up some alarms?

It could, possibly.

We might end up with

maybe, you know,

five times our listeners

if the NSA starts

looking into that.

Exactly.

So, hey, everybody,

watch out.

We may be investigated

by the Department

of Homeland Security.

You heard that terrorist

chat here on PCU.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Well, that was a cool guy.

Thank you to that guy.

Whatever.

He wouldn't tell me his name.

I really hope I didn't

just, like, I don't know.

Let's not go into that.

How about we take a break, Andy?

All right.

Real quick.

room and you can do the same. I'm going to get myself

that sandwich I was talking about. Yeah. I'm really excited

about that sandwich. You have no idea. I would

like one too. Alright, well, we'll see

about that. If you're good. You got enough? Yeah, I

got enough. I don't know if I have enough meat.

We'll see. I'll make it happen. I should be able

to. Hang on, let me, uh... Well, don't, you know...

No, don't. You're a big guy. You need to eat, so...

I'm a big guy. I need to eat. Yeah, that's right.

Alright, everybody. Uh, we'll be right back

in about, uh, five minutes. Don't go

anywhere.

and had my friend Asia Fernandez killed.

Right here, he's gone.

This radio will be back right after this.

Smoke some weed.

How sweet.

No, you're not having no effect.

Yes, I am.

You're going to like it.

Thanks.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Which guy was it?

Whose voice is that?

Is that Fred?

Oh, they said it was over.

No, don't put him on.

Hello, Fred.

What the fuck is this?

That real.

Why is Jay the kiss as hard as it gets?

And we're back.

Okay.

Can't stop coughing.

Anyway.

Remnants of bronchitis still with me two weeks later.

It always takes me like three weeks to get over it.

I usually get it once a year.

Smooth Stunner asked, was that Bob Dylan?

No, that was Bubba.

Bob Dylan.

That's not Bob Dylan.

Bubba will pass rules.

He thought that was Bob Dylan.

Crazy, man.

Yeah, it was a dude.

New News reminded me to call the Jelly Bell again.

Okay.

I'll do that right now.

We'll keep this in, and we'll try to get that call on in just a second.

Hang on, everybody.

The monthly magazine.

It's a magazine called Overeaters Monthly.

We'd like to interview you for an article coming out.

Thank you.

Do you know you're the most popular person among overeaters right now?

You're what we strive to be.

How do you do it?

I mean, a guy like you, 278 pounds, who just won his own weight in jelly beans.

I mean, the women must be just knocking on your door.

That's that.

There was your jelly bean guy, man.

Congratulations.

Excuse me.

Hit City says, spam.

Okay.

Thanks for that, Hit City.

Radio.

Are we on that anymore?

We're still down because of the power situation in California.

Yeah.

So that's that.

Quit spamming me, motherfucker.

I'll kill you.

Austin Moore.

Not Austin Moore.

Whatever his name is.

Okay.

FolkCole45, get him an old E.

You ever had malt liquor, Andy?

Yeah.

I used to drink Old English.

Old English?

Yeah.

If all you're going to drink is one quart, you go with OE because one quart gets you kind of silly.

Okay.

I've had, what have I had?

Oh, jeez.

What is it?

The Bull.

Yeah, that's Schlitz.

Yeah, Schlitz is good.

That's not bad.

I want something that's really bad.

Something iced.

Natty Ice.

That's the worst.

Natty Ice?

That's a really cheap beer, though.

Yeah, but that makes you angry as fucking possible.

Natty Ice is for cheap drunks who want to fight

Huh, okay

That's for like cheap college students too right

I don't know how much money

No, college students probably wouldn't drink

Whenever I saw people drinking Natty Ice

It was like the poorest white trash people possible

You remember Ed and Gary

Ed and Gary drank that

They would find change

And go to the store

And then they would drink Natty Ice

You know what I've never had? Old Milwaukee

That's not bad

It's not bad.

That's a regional beer.

Midwest people love that.

I've never had Old Milwaukee.

I've never had Past Blue Ribbon either.

You drink Bud Light, so anything to you would probably taste really good.

I don't like Heineken's.

It's like my hired model.

I haven't drunk that in a while.

I don't like Heineken that much anymore.

I got really sick on Heineken once.

That's not a good feeling.

I drink Miller Lite and Bud Light.

Yeah, everything from St. Louis is awful.

Bud Select is pretty good.

No.

You know, my favorite beer, honestly, is Sam Adams Light.

Yeah, that's good.

Sam Adams Light is a nice beer.

I'm hoping for the new Sam Adams Sampler to come out one day.

I keep looking for it.

It's always good.

It's a good deal, and you get a lot of beer.

Say stop when you receive it more than once.

Just shut up.

Stop.

Damn.

Stop.

Damn it.

There, I let out my frustrations on the computer.

Clone Home Grunts says dark beer rocks.

Okay.

I should have gotten another beer.

I got up, and I got a sandwich.

I forgot the priority should have been a beer.

Um, Snacks24LTD, Old Hall Service Station in Maryside, England.

Okay.

I don't know.

Cock and Bull.

I'm going to call the Westminster Veterinary Group.

Let's try that.

Hang on here a minute.

You're calling Westminster Veterinary Group.

We are now closed.

Aw, bitch.

You ever call a girl a C-word?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

I'll do that.

I have once in traffic.

She heard me, too.

Oh, what'd she do?

Yeah.

They go nuts.

I think she got sad.

I think she cried.

That's one time.

She almost hit me.

And I called her the C word.

I felt bad.

Yeah.

Excuse me a second.

Andy, what else is going on?

Topic-wise that we can talk about.

Nothing in the world.

Who's died or something?

Something else just to talk about.

John Candy.

John Candy's been dead.

So has Phil Hartman.

There were so many things during the week.

I was like, I gotta talk about this.

I gotta talk about that.

And when it comes to Thursday, I don't write them down and I forget them.

Why don't you write them down?

I do.

I need to start carrying a pen and pad so I can keep that shit right.

Right, carrying a pen and a pad so I can get this motherfucking label off.

What do you call that?

Charles Barkley announced that he was going to run for mayor.

Of Alabama?

Yeah, 2014 or something like that.

Yeah, that's one thing right there, 2014.

Charles Barkley, honestly, he's such a dick.

He's not a role model.

I'm the most male with whoop drop.

You think he'll still be like, I'm not a role model just because I'm the governor?

No, if you're the governor, you have to be a role model.

He has to be a role model.

That is different than being a basketball player.

They should use that commercial against him, like a slander one.

that you're like,

I'm not a role model.

Charles Barkley says

he is not a role model.

I'm not a role model.

I don't pretend to be a role model.

Charles Barkley does not

even pretend to be a role model.

I don't get paid

to be a role model.

He should say like 1993.

His opponent,

Alan Richardson,

is a role model

and pretends to be one too.

Fuck, man.

That guy,

he got arrested in Orlando.

He threw someone

through a plate glass window

downtown.

Like he took this Mexican,

he took his shoe off

and threw it through the window

and then the Mexican was like,

that's my shoe.

And he's like,

oh yeah, go get it.

He threw him through the window.

I remember that, man.

It was crazy.

After a Magic game, they lost.

Played for the Suns, right?

And he was downtown over at Rosie O'Grady's, right?

And then he rode off on a little tiny motorcycle.

Little moped.

Just like that.

And there was a slow speed chase on I-4 here in Orlando.

It was on TV.

It was the talk of the town.

It was a big hubbub.

That and the town of the Cow got loose downtown also.

Did it?

Yeah, you don't remember that?

No.

It was a cow loose downtown.

It was a big hubbub.

Anyway,

Orlando's a shit town.

You're moving away,

moving to bigger,

better places.

Illinois's,

Chicago.

Yeah.

Are we going to meet,

the dad said he wants

to meet up with you.

I don't know.

I don't know about that.

Yeah, man,

I want to see him.

What are we going to do?

I don't know.

He recently admitted

he's bisexual.

No,

I definitely can't go see him.

Yeah, exactly.

We could hang out

with Madman.

Yeah, I'll hang out

with Madman.

That sounds like

someone I'd hang out with.

We have no problems

hanging out with a guy

named Madman.

Yeah, I'll go to Matt, but the dad just, I don't want him to, you know, give him a, like, I'll maybe, like, I'll write him a letter, right, and I'll just drop it in a mailbox with no address on it and say for him to be someplace at a certain time.

Right.

That way he doesn't know how to get in contact with me.

And everybody, breaking news from the chat room, Little Evil Neo is announcing what she likes to put on her hot dogs.

Andy, cinnamon, brown sugar, sea salt, and mustard.

Again, on her hot dogs, Little Evil Neo likes to use cinnamon, brown sugar, sea salt, and mustard.

You heard it here first, everybody.

That's a hot dog a la Neo.

That's gross.

I don't know.

I don't believe that.

I don't know.

That might be good on grits.

I think.

No, you need some grits, Andy.

No.

Grits, man.

We're talking about food again.

I don't even know.

Are those potatoes?

Grits are like corn husks or something.

Some corn shit.

And it's like mashed potatoes

But made with corn

I said no

I don't know what it is

It's fucking some corn shit

But it

Yeah

It's a southern thing

And then people

For no reason

Oh it's a northern thing

So I don't know

Whatever

No I never ate that

It's probably going to be

Too late to call that

Black lady

Big mama

That would have been great

Well that's in Nevada

I don't know

Probably too late

Let me try to call her

It's probably going to be a bus

But we'll try

Hang on everybody

I just don't care Andy

Big mama can I help you

Is this big mama

Yes it is

Oh good

Would you say

You look like Aunt Jemima

Ima or Star Jones?

You look like it.

I look like Aunt Jemima?

Yeah, and Star Jones, bye.

Aw, damn.

Look at the camera.

Yeah, she got me.

So, let's take it a somber turn tonight.

Phone a car rental place and say you found a kilo of coke in the trunk

and want to know if you get to keep it or it is theirs.

Okay, we're not about to break a federal law tonight with that.

We've already broken enough laws,

and we're probably on the terrorist watch list right now

for having connected an international call.

off. Yeah. So let's

try to stay out of any more trouble tonight

than we possibly could be in.

Nice try. Just got to refine that

music.

We can try to call London again

and then we'll do a call here in Arkansas

to a place called Megatron.

Yeah, it's Arizona. Megatron.

AR is Arkansas or Arizona?

AK. AK is Arkansas.

AK is Alaska. Yeah. AL is

Alabama. What's AR? Arkansas.

Arizona. That's AZ.

Yeah, that's AZ. What do you know,

Yeah, stupid.

That's AZ.

It might be Arkansas then.

I guess so, because AK is Alaska.

Ah, who cares?

Arkansas.

We'll find out soon enough.

But we'll call this Snacks 24, or this old hall.

Let's call the old hall service station.

Let's do that.

Tell them I got car trouble or some shit.

All right, we'll call Megatron.

Megatron never reminds me of what I wanted to talk about.

Did you see the Transformers trailer?

No, I haven't seen it yet.

I haven't seen it yet either.

But I heard it's good.

I heard Optimus Prime's a fire truck.

Does it have Starscream in it?

I think he's one of them.

Wait, what the?

He's a what?

I heard he's a fire truck.

I don't know.

No, the fire truck is a faggot.

He's like a man.

I think it was probably a tractor trailer.

He was in the fire truck.

He was an ambulance.

He was the black guy.

No, there was a fire truck guy.

Was there a fire truck guy?

Yeah, of course there was.

I remember the ambulance guy was a dog, and he was like a black guy.

Yeah, but there was the black guy.

No, the dog was Ratchet, the car.

Okay, okay.

And then there was an ambulance, and his name was Red Alert.

Red Alert.

Okay, I remember Red Alert.

There was a firetruck, too.

Remember, like, his hose turned into his, like, you know, the hose on top of the truck?

Yeah.

Like a water cannon, it turned into his gun.

Oh, really?

I didn't know that.

Okay, I don't remember that one at all.

I remember the Dinobots.

The Dinobots are...

Yeah, they were the best.

They were retarded, but they could fight real well.

And then they would get moments of clarity.

They'd remember who their friends were.

Yeah.

Autobot, friend!

And then they'd be digitally out of the show.

And they'd save the day, and then they'd get put away for, like, another ten episodes.

We learned that Autobot, our friend,

was like, alright, we're going to lock you in this room.

Remember there was this one

badass episode where

all the Autobots went to fight the Decepticons

and then the Decepticons beat the Autobots

and they were retreating and the Dinobots came out

and started defending them? Yeah, because at first

that was their first appearance.

That was a great episode.

One of the first appearances of Dinobots, they built them

and then they went crazy and caused them...

Man, I haven't seen that shit in so long. I've got to get those DVDs.

They're like, only Optimus Prime

can fight a Dinobot.

Really?

Yeah.

Other than that, everyone else would lose instantly.

Well, I heard Bumblebee's going to be a Volkswagen bug or something.

Yeah, that's what he was originally.

Or is it Camaro or something?

I don't know.

They're fucking him up.

They're not going to make him a bug like he should be, whatever he was.

They better have the guy with the tape player, and then he had the wolf, and the little guy

who made earthquakes, Shockwave.

He had that crazy voice.

Well, the tape guy's in there.

I know that Starscream.

He's back there.

Starscream and Shockwave.

Shockwave.

Shockwave?

I think it's Shockwave.

What was Soundwave and Starscream?

And there's the one guy who turned into the crazy purple laser pistol.

He was cool.

Corporate commander.

Yeah.

Like, I didn't like the Autobots.

I liked the Decepticons.

The Decepticons were a lot cooler.

Much more interesting.

Better than the GoBots, too.

Yeah.

The GoBots.

Yeah, and Clerks just said the GoBots were like the Kmart Transformers.

The GoBots were awful.

Yeah, it's funny.

It fucking sucked, man.

Scooter.

Yeah, it was like a fag.

Yeah, it was like a fucking...

It was a faggot robot.

Yeah, it was like a...

Yeah, I bought this robot.

I bought this new toy.

Boy, yeah, he's a pussy.

Yeah, yeah, he's a fucking moped looking thing.

Yeah, I want to buy one who's a pussy.

Yeah, fucking GoBots.

That's why, at least like in the Transformers, Bumblebee was pretty weak, but he tried.

He did try.

He tried.

He knew his place.

He didn't try more than that.

Scooter ran away.

He was like Scooby.

He was like Snarf in the Thunderdash.

That's funny.

I'm going to Snarf.

I can keep going on.

Oh, yeah, the other trailer.

You know who else was cool, if you don't remember?

But the Constructicons.

The Constructicons, right?

And then they would fight

If they turned into the construction guns

You needed the Dinobots to stop them

When they formed together

The Dinobots would bite them

And they would fall apart

The leader was the Brontosaurus one, right?

No, the Tyrannosaurus

Wasn't there one that

Shot a laser out of his mouth?

That was the

I don't know what they're called

The Brontosaurus

I don't remember

remember.

And I think

they all shot

flame out of

their mouth.

There was a

pterodactyl and

a stegosaurus

too, I think,

right?

An elephant.

Clone Homegrown

says this

comic is going

to be on

KDK's iPod.

The other

trailer also,

Teenage Mutant

Ninja Turtles,

a new movie.

Oh, no

shit, they're

doing one of

those?

CGI, completely

CGI.

The first one

was actually a

great movie.

The second one

sucked because

it had vanilla

ice.

Yeah, well

they gated

it up.

The first one

was kind of

true to the

I don't know

what.

It was violent

Yeah, it wasn't too goofy.

I mean, they were doing Kung, you know, they were fighting.

They weren't, you know, doing...

I bet the CGI weren't going to do backflips and shit.

Yeah, that's going to suck.

Or Matrix-y kind of stuff.

I don't want to see that.

Yeah, well, that's that.

And try to check out the Ninja Turtles trailer.

You can watch it without signing.

Right.

Oh, you know, I watched, like, up until recently, I was watching that.

Shredder was an alien the whole time, dude.

He was?

Yeah, just like Krang.

Really?

Yeah, he was in a little piece of battle armor with Shredder.

No, Krang and the...

Uh-oh.

What are we going to do?

Okay, go ahead.

No, no, no.

That wasn't in the comic book.

It was just on the TV show, right?

I don't know.

You don't hear anything, really?

No, I don't hear anything.

Unplug it and plug it in here.

What about now?

No, I don't hear anything.

Something just happened.

Volume down.

Barely hear something.

Huh.

That got better.

There we go.

What about now?

Yeah, I can hear it.

Okay, good.

We fixed it.

And Bobobot says the Spider-Man 3 trailer is also out.

That's right.

I heard about that.

I did see that actually

He's gonna be what

Venom or something

Is that the trailer

Where he masturbates

A kitten

Yes

Speaking of kittens

KDK's cat is sick

Mouse

I gotta use this

Again

There you go

You're fine now

Right

Yeah

The thing is broken

But um

Yeah any thoughts

I heard a rumor

That Milkman might be involved

Gave him colon cancer

Yeah you don't want

To talk bad about KDK

I know

You're afraid of KDK

So next week

Will probably be

Your last show

Probably big after

Alright

That fucking cheap ass

That scene's giving me heartburn.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Shit.

Sorry, man.

Okay.

Midnight.

It's Friday, finally.

Welcome to the weekend, unofficially.

Bullet Time Matrix Effect loses its importance when it's in a Lebanese music video.

I had no idea it was in a Lebanese music video.

What are you talking about?

Bullet Time Matrix Effect loses its importance when it's in a Lebanese music video.

Yeah.

The first one sucked, so.

Well, that's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

What are you talking about?

Oh, the Matrix?

Yeah, they all sucked.

The first one was okay.

No, those are some of the worst movies I've ever made.

The third one really sucked.

The last one did.

It's called Megatron.

All right.

That's what all the Transformers talk about.

Oh, the purple pistol?

Yeah.

I think his name was...

Fuck, no.

That's not him.

Fuck, no.

I was going to say Galvatron, but Galvatron was the guy who came after Megatron.

The purple pistol guy had one eye.

His whole face was like an eyeball.

He had a bright eye, you know, a shiny eye.

What was that big-ass planet that he thinks?

Oh.

Oh, Unicron, Unitron, something like that.

He was played by, um, in Transformers the movie, I guess.

You know who played him?

No, who?

Um.

Regis Philbin?

No.

They're all fucked up, as per usual.

Orson Welles, dude?

Wasn't he dead by then?

When did Orson Welles die?

In the 80s?

Yeah, right.

Ah, Jesus.

Man.

And Jane of Ferris confirms, Unicron was played by Orson Welles.

I thought he died in the 70s, that's crazy.

Wasn't he really huge when he died?

I remember the, whenever I think of Orson Welles or I hear the name, I think about the

skit in The Critic where he was eating raw fish sticks, like frozen fish sticks.

That was so funny.

That was a great show, The Critic.

It's very underrated.

I didn't get that type of respect that that show should have gotten.

That was a really good show.

I think so, in my estimation.

The great John Lovitz.

Right.

What's John Lovitz been doing lately?

Nothing.

He was in that movie where they were looking for the money.

Yeah.

Okay.

Let's try one more prank call.

Well, I don't know if we're going to have the ability to, but it's getting kind of late.

But anyway, regardless, let's try.

We'll try Megatron, that's right.

We need to get through the last time.

Hang on.

Yeah, that's great.

No, that's fixed now.

Come on.

Be nice.

I think I got it.

Yeah, fuck.

Why is the phone not working?

I don't know.

Well, I'm trying to call you and the phone's not working.

Really?

So what'd you do to my phone?

I don't know.

And why are you talking like that?

I don't know.

What kind of accent is that?

American.

American?

Who is this?

Don't lie to me.

Who is it?

Oh, my God.

Look, what's your social security number?

Don't have one.

You're not American.

No.

Hello?

Hello, sir.

Damn it.

That's it, Andy.

I don't know what's going on.

The phone has a mind of its own.

Like I told you, you just got to go to the store and buy some fucking one of the six

bucks.

There.

See how they hit it.

There we go.

I hit it and it fixed.

But it's midnight anyway, so that's the end of my time.

That's my time, everybody.

I have to thank you all for listening tonight.

Andy, don't touch that.

Sorry.

Andy, any parting shout-outs or thoughts or anything you'd like to say?

No.

No websites or anything?

No.

Anything to look out for?

No, I'm going to hone in on my game.

All right.

So there it is.

I'd like to thank Clone Homegrown for calling in and Lonesome Loser, of course, for what he do.

He gave us phone numbers.

He gave us phone numbers, yeah.

And Nunu also.

Thank you, Nunu.

You helped us out.

We called the Jelly Belly guy.

How do you think you end up being the guy who gets to get his whole weight in jelly?

That would kill me.

that would kill me

because I couldn't have

a one of them

and I used to love

the pear jelly bellies

really good

I hated the popcorn though

I hated mixing that shit

I never ate

you never had jelly bellies

no

you know you get

the assorted one

the one that tastes

like popcorn

it's nasty

you get the assortment

it's all these fruity

flavors and ice flavors

and then they'll throw

in popcorn in there

and it tastes like

it tastes like crap

it's got butter

it doesn't

yeah

it's like a buttery

popcorn I think

is the name of it

it's nasty

it's fucking sick

I hate that

I hate

that's why I hate

getting the assortment

ones because

Because you can't have a popcorn.

You can't order an assortment, no popcorn.

I don't think they have that at all.

That's my biggest complaint.

What color is popcorn?

It's like white.

It's white with like yellow specks on it.

Yeah, you just throw that one out.

You go through it before you start eating.

You go through the whole thing.

That's a lot of work.

I got to eat, man.

Got to eat.

What was I doing here?

Yeah, anyway, everybody be sure to listen tomorrow to Zolar.

I suppose it's going to be on more than likely.

Zolar and his Zolar Vision at xyzolar.com.

Also, Saturday, KDK will be on, I believe.

KDK's Lunatic Fringe at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Sunday nights, perhaps Sean Ward will do a show.

Be sure to check that out.

And Wednesday nights, KDK's on again for his Psychobabble.

And then we'll catch you again next week, Thursday.

Complete your fucking circle for more Madhouse Radio.

Be sure to visit our homepage at madhouselive.com.

Listen to the pranks.

Tell a friend.

Check out our MySpace page.

myspace.com

forward slash

madhouse live

again that's myspace.com

forward slash myspace live

madhouse live rather

forward slash madhouse live

and like I said check out our podcast

also if you have iTunes or any

type of RSS radio be sure to check out

our podcast and here updated

weekly every weekend on Saturday

evening it's updated with the previous

episode of the show and any good pranks that came

about of that show uh so be sure to catch that uh saturday for the next update with tonight's

episode if you missed it or caught it late and i'll probably pick one or two calls out of that

i think we had some decent calls today we'll definitely have to get the fuck you bitch

motherfucker guy uh i'll have to shorten that up and wasn't there another call that was pretty

good too i think i don't know yeah i'm sure it had it been it had it been something we did

something good tonight um yeah so again the website is madhouse live.com and be sure to

to visit kdkprankhalls.com

and that's it.

Alright?

Right.

Alright.

Good night, everybody.

Thank you for listening

and we'll catch you next week.

You gave it to her today.

You didn't interrupt me.

Oh, alright.

Man, I can't kill a tree, man.

We're going to say

beat your butt, buddy.

I'm going to...

What the fuck is this?

Man, you're gay, man.

What?

You don't know who you is, dude.

What the fuck is this?

You're a fucking pervert.

You don't know what I did.

You're a fucking, like,

thing, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like,

I got your dirty laundry.

I got your dirty laundry over here.

Oh, on my face.

Nobody

else in my house

That's about one person right here, and that person's in the red.

You can't stay in your car.

You like this?

Yeah.

Calling me from block number.

I ain't no block number.

Hey, I heard your whole conversation.

Don't make me call the police.

Yeah, you know what's up.

Yeah, I'm not going to blackmail you.

So scared.

Turkey ass motherfucker, what's your problem now?

Jive turkey, you bitch.

You didn't hear, boy.

You jive turkey motherfucker.

Who's this person?

What's his name?

Man, you can show me a place where I'm about to go whoop some motherfuckers ass

I don't even know who the fuck you talking about.

How much you going to charge you guys?

Pick somebody up over here to the taxi cab.

Man, this ain't no motherfucking taxi cab.

I don't come fucking picking somebody up.

I don't whoop your goddamn ass.

I kick your ass, you son of a bitch, and your goddamn mother.

What?

Your mother.

You motherfucking nigga, how you like that, you piece of shit?

I'm not a fucking nigga, son of a bitch.

You nigga, motherfucker.

How you like it, man?

What?

Man, I'm a motherfucking bitch that pried a goddamn phone.

This is a white man that don't want to hear from no goddamn niggas calling me in the fucking middle of the night.

Listen, listen boy, listen boy, listen boy.

I'll show you a boy in a 12-gauge shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen cracker, listen here cracker, listen here cracker.

You got that, cracker? I'll show you some fucking three-letter, motherfucker.

I'll see you here, I'll see you here.

Are you Michael Frazier?

No, this ain't Michael Frazier, man. This is a white man.

Look, let me just ask you real quick.

First of all, why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you, you stupid bitch.

Please come to your house.

How you doing, man?

Staying in Honolulu.

What I'm saying?

Chicken.

Chicken, yeah.

Only one over here.

I cannot drop a chicken on you.

We would give you a couple hundred dollars, though.

Even local.

Are you ready?

I wish I was the governor.

Just pretend I'm sitting on you, okay?

No problem.

Okay, I don't gotta go.

Ah!

Yeah, well, I gotta go.

Please do wash your hands.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm trying to lighten it halfway.

where you have to do this stuff.

So this is a very interesting radio you have.

Very interesting radio thing if you have that, you know,

because that shows me that you have, like, nothing going.

No, I got plenty.

This is what we do, man.

I do this all the time.

I get lots of votes.

This is what you do, like, talk stupid.

Yeah, yeah.

Really, huh?

People actually listen to this shit.

Everybody listens to this shit, man.

Not everybody, because anybody with a half a brain that I know don't listen.

Anybody with a half a brain would listen to this show instead of eating your shitty-ass pizza.

How old are you?

Thirteen.

Yeah, fucking right.

You sound like you're fucking 18 or 19.

I'm 13, I said.

Yeah, right.

Yes, I was born 13 years ago last Friday.

Um.

I'm hanging up and you better not call.

Do you have stripes in your underwear?

Do I have what?

Stripes in your underwear.

You are a sick fuck.

Come on, let me talk to your sister, man.

Be a pal.

No.

Have you ever seen your sister naked?

No.

Calls (8, 31 min of 1 h 34 min)

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