2006-08-03 Show

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Good evening, everybody.

It's the Madhouse coming to you tonight live.

And, yeah, how anticlimactic?

Climatic?

Climactic.

Anticlimactic.

Climax.

Andy, you're the one that messes up.

Look at that.

You don't know how to tape stuff back.

Aha.

There we go.

Let's try not to move that or touch it or anything.

Let's just do it right here.

Just like that.

Anyway, thank you for tuning in to a late start to the Madhouse Radio.

I am Carlito, as I said before.

And here next to me is Andy.

What's up, Andy?

How are you doing?

Good to have you on.

Welcome back.

How was your week?

You got your dog neutered?

Today you had your dog neutered.

Okay.

Are you on mute?

Are you even...

You know what?

I was supposed to.

That's mine.

Grab that one.

Okay.

All right.

Well, I got a backup microphone.

up microphone i see it already there we go don't panic everybody yeah well what can i say there

you go put that right there and shit and if you need to mute it you do off right there that's what

you gotta do and um anyway so while we're doing that hang on i'm hooking andy up back to the uh

to the sound uh soundboard um message us at madhouse radio on aol instant messenger say

you something you're back yeah you're back i am back try to just speak as close into it as you

can right there we go it's gonna be real comfortable sure it is we can hold it dude

if you want hold it like a mic like you're an mc now try how's that sound that's it you're

coming in perfectly now all right good we got andy here finally so uh andy uh cap got neutered

for uh because of what now he attacked a kid or something and they forced him to get neutered he

killed a few children but i had a question they were homeless hey here's something about i wanted

wanted to ask you right as a pit bull owner uh this week in orlando an 80 year old man died from

a pit bull attack right yeah what what are your thoughts on the whole thing of you know because

a lot of people are calling for pit bulls to be um to uh to be banned in metro orlando i guess now

they're trying to start passing legislation i guess denver has already done it you can't have

a pit bull in the city limits or anything like that there should be like you know that's probably

It's probably a good idea to actually ban them.

But, you know, if you can pay, like, you know, like a $1,000 license,

like, you know, an extra large amount of license for any kind of, you know,

potentially dangerous dog or wow-wow or a pit bull or something,

it can get kind of expensive.

So, you know, someone can't just have, like, a pack.

Because how many of them attack this guy?

Usually it's just, like, two or three, right?

No, it was just one.

It was one?

He was 80 years old.

Yeah.

And he was already sick, and apparently he...

Well, he shouldn't have been out.

Well, here's the thing.

The guy had five bypasses already.

Five different surgeries for heart bypasses.

Why was he out on the street?

He should have been in the bed, right?

But he was out, and the dog came up and attacked him.

Well, here's the thing.

The pit bull was emaciated, apparently, too.

Oh, he was going to eat him?

Yeah, I mean, he had him fed well by his owner.

Yeah, well, I mean, if you put a large fee on it,

then a person who wouldn't feed his pit bull likely couldn't afford it.

What about a pit bull tax?

Yeah, well, yeah.

Kind of like paying into an insurance account.

And then if you don't pay it, you know, they'll take your dog away.

Man, have you seen the pictures of people getting face transplants in China and shit?

They had this Japanese guy got attacked by a bear.

And his face got mauled and they transplanted another China man's face onto his face.

And they did it to this lady who got attacked by a pit bull in France.

She got the first facial transplant.

She got the face of another person grafted under her face and everything.

And the body's not rejecting it.

That's the point we got to now is we can actually do that.

Isn't that creepy, though?

Yeah.

She has somebody else's face for the rest of her life.

Yeah, it's probably weird.

Is it weird looking?

It is kind of.

It's not perfect.

I mean, you can see it's not perfect where it looks like a whole face.

I mean, it still looks fucked up, but not as bad as what it normally would look like.

These are people who are missing chunks of their cheeks and stuff, and that doesn't grow back.

You got a huge hole in your cheek.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, so.

So, I mean, the Japanese, the Chinese guy, he was missing his entire upper lip and his

upper cheek on his right side.

So, all you saw straight through to his teeth and his gums when he had his mouth closed.

Right.

So, you can imagine that's horrible.

So, we're talking about pit bulls, right?

So, do you believe the whole thing where it's the owner's fault, you know?

Yeah.

The owners that treat their pit bulls because, like, Cap, you know, he's aggressive, but

I don't ever see him attacking anybody.

Well, he's not aggressive against people.

No, he's not.

He, like, he'll kill a cat, or, you know, another dog, or he'll want to fight it.

He plays rough, but he doesn't do nothing bad.

Yeah, he's never been this bad.

So, um, yeah, so, you know, pit bulls are banned in Australia, and the whole country

can't have a pit bull at all.

Really?

I think, I don't know if it's the same in Britain, but I know in Australia you can't

have a pit bull.

I mean, there's dogs that are just as bad.

Yeah.

Chow, or Doberman, or German Shabber, those dogs are all, like...

Or the regular bulldog, Rottweiler.

Well, no, a regular bulldog's not aggressive at all.

No.

A Rottweiler is really not that.

You don't remember when the Land High, they had the Bulldog and it attacked some band

player and it locked on his neck and stuff?

Nah, I didn't even realize it.

How did a Bulldog get on a guy's neck?

That was like 87.

It made the news.

But how would a Bulldog get on someone's neck?

I don't know.

It was a kid.

It was probably like maybe 14, maybe 15 years old.

The Bulldog jumped up and bit him in the neck?

I don't know.

Something happened where he was getting chased by the Bulldog.

He fell down

And the bulldog

Like

Clamped onto his

Like jugular

And they couldn't

Like I guess the way

Bulldogs are

You can't really

Once they're chomped

Onto something

They won't let go

So they had to actually

Like shoot him up

With something

To get him to let go

Or something like that

I remember that

It was like in the news

All over the place

I remember that

The high school mascot

For the

Well I think at that time

Where we lived

We still went to the land

At that point

So that was way before

Your time

Yeah

Not everybody knows

Where we lived

Well they know

We've talked about

I've stomped the grounds before.

You don't like holding that mic, do you?

No.

Well, I don't know.

What can I do?

So, yeah, the AOL Instant Messenger is Madhouse Radio.

Yahoo is Madhouse PCU Radio.

And MSN Messenger is Madhouse PCU Radio at hotmail.com.

And Smoostana is saying my mic's really cutting out, and it works now.

See?

Good work, Andy.

How do you get to the higher quality stream?

I don't know.

But be sure to visit madhouselive.com again.

Again, that's madhouselife.com.

That's our home page.

And let's do some prank calls, Andy.

This isn't the fucking Talk About Dogs show.

Do pranks.

You know what, Nunu?

Fuck you, dude.

You know what I mean?

You posted some video of a fat guy.

Andy, did you pull that up yet?

Fat man dancing?

Hold on.

Let's see what this fat man dancing I supposedly am.

And I don't appreciate that, Nunu.

I've been over backwards for you.

And you're not even an American.

Andy doesn't like anybody who's a foreigner.

He doesn't like me.

And I was born here.

And my parents are technically Americans.

anyway the numbers we have tonight to call we have the pothouse bar and grill this is in ireland

ireland any of your people are welsh is that just from the island or is that from the mainland

aren't you welsh or something mostly scottish scottish and dutch holland then right is that

dutch okay here we are all right we got the fat great i don't think he went dancing oh he's a fat

guy with a hug okay he's got a suit on i don't wear a suit he's a better shape than you are

He is not in better shape than me, man.

I've lost weight lately.

And he's putting a tie around his head.

This isn't really that bad.

This is stupid.

This is British humor.

Oh, this is great, chap.

Look at that.

He's taking his shirt off.

Wow.

Okay, great.

Oh, Andy, you keep enjoying that.

Give me a report of that when it's done, okay?

Yeah, he's got the hula hoop now.

Okay.

Yeah, this is very British.

All right, let's turn that down right quick here.

So, new background music.

This is Mad Villain, right, Andy?

You want to explain who Mad Villain is for any reason?

or just madvillain.com

okay so we have plenty

of international numbers to call tonight

the stiff kitten pub

that's in Ireland also we also have a circle

K in Arkansas

Dunkin Donuts several

Dunkin Donuts here

I don't see the one yet for

Detroit Michigan for our good friend

Sam I don't really know if his name is Sam

but that was some shit right there man

that was last week's show and you can hear that on the

podcast if you go to

madhouselive.com and join the

the podcast and uh download our episodes it's updated every weekend with the previous week's

last episode as well as any pranks at least one prank a week on there at least one new prank a

week on there so be sure to check that out got two new pranks posted there last week and last

week's show available now for download at your leisure in the chat room uh jack bauer is sending

me a number for pink's hot dogs ask for david lee roth and say i'm his manager okay is that what

what davey lee rock is up to now he lost his show no apparently uh kdk called into that uh you know

serious 102 the stars network i never listened to it but apparently the jerk one of the jerky

boys is on there and got into an argument with him over the phone i had i haven't heard it i

didn't listen to kdk last night he played it but i was busy i'm sorry if um someone wants to bring

me up to speed on what happened with kdk and kamal now kamal all he did was fucking the egyptian

Magician, and

Kissel. But those are the two

arguably the two best characters

of Jerky Boys. I agree.

I'm not a big fan of Jack Torce.

It's always stupid.

Didn't he do the...

Who's the real angry one? Was that Kissel?

Kissel? Frank Rizzo.

Okay, well, Frank Rizzo's funny. Yeah, Frank Rizzo's

funny. That's not Kamal, though. Yeah, it's Johnny B.

Johnny B, yeah. Frank Rizzo's

funny, though. Anyway, let's move on

and do a prank call, everybody.

Prepare yourselves.

Um, 7-Eleven Food Store.

A woman named Karen.

We have a place named Nasty's.

We also have a Nasty Girls.

Bunghole Liquors.

Funky Jane's and the Funky Iguana.

Troll Tavern.

The Troll.

Chumps Video and DVD.

You know, I saw some British numbers here.

Hang on.

That's right.

And they're confirmed.

Scottish guy named Michael Roach.

Ellen Roach.

We have, uh, Graham Dyke in England and Manchester.

We also have a Wilfred Dyke.

That's D-Y-K-E-A.

D-Y-K-E, folks.

Um, okay.

Those are really short tracks, Andy.

Those instrumentals aren't long at all.

Oh, okay.

Well, they're not full instrumentals like these right here.

M.M. Doom.

Okay.

All right.

Is that what it is?

Yeah, there's, like, most of them are songs from the 70s.

All right.

Fair enough.

Okay, everybody.

We're going to come with, uh, we're going to call someone in Scotland.

So, hang on.

Any second now.

How is it over there?

Three?

Three, four?

Noon, what time is it over there?

Let us know.

Sire, is this the Dyke residence?

It is.

Not good.

Have I reached the Dykes?

I beg your pardon?

Are these the dykes that I'm speaking to?

Yes.

Oh, excellent.

Sir, I'm a big fan of your movies.

I don't know what he said.

Kissed off.

Kiss off?

Piss off.

Maybe it was pissed off.

I don't know.

I'm pissed off.

Click.

I'm angry.

Don't do that again, boy.

That's how an American would do it.

Maybe we can catch that in a replay.

Hang on.

Stand by for instant replay, Andy.

Any second now, we'll pull that back up for everybody and let you know what happened.

All right.

Let's analyze this bad prank call, everybody.

Let's see what the problems are with this prank call.

Apparently it took too long, first of all, for it to connect.

Yeah, that was a lot of...

Yeah, any second now.

How is it over there?

Three?

He picks up here.

What time is it over there?

Let us know.

There he picked up.

Oh, it stopped ringing.

Yes, hi.

Is this the Dyke residence?

Okay.

Not then.

Have I reached the Dykes?

I beg your pardon?

Are these the Dykes that I'm speaking to?

Yes.

Oh, excellent.

Sir, I'm a big fan of your movies.

Get stuffed.

You know what, you shouldn't have paused right there.

You should have kept talking.

Okay.

Because he just gave up on you.

Well, he was in the process of hanging up, though.

But then he said, get stuffed.

And I should have just jumped right in and said something right there, you think?

Well, there was a long pause, so then I guess he figured, you know, he's like, I don't have a movie.

I don't have a movie.

You're right.

I should not have said the whole movie thing, though, right?

That was stupid, too.

Well, yeah, because, you know, Ozari doesn't have a movie out.

Yeah, I know.

If you look out and he's a big movie star over there, you know, that would be great.

Yeah, but come on.

You know, what are the chances of that?

I mean, come on.

4-1.

Yeah.

Well, Nunu, sorry.

Nunu says call back as James.

Whatever.

Is that a joke over there?

That is so funny over here.

Oh, it's James.

Hey, James.

That's like, is your refrigerator running in America?

This is James.

Oh, you bastard.

And I guess it is 4 a.m. over there.

I don't know.

Whatever.

It's like 3, 4, 5 a.m.

It's 3.54 in the UK.

See?

That's the witching hour.

Right?

Right.

What the hell is a witching hour?

3 o'clock?

Are you afraid of the witching hour, Andy?

That's when the witches come out.

No, I never heard it before.

Yeah, man.

Yeah, my people will be moving on witches.

Do they still have witches in Puerto Rico?

Witches?

Yeah.

You guys worried about that?

No, no, no.

Just Chupacabra.

That's it.

Chupacabra's chasing them all around.

They caught Chupacabra in Texas.

Yeah, I sent you.

That's stupid.

It was a dog.

Yeah.

It was a dog.

Or a monkey.

It was a dog bred with a monkey.

Yeah, fucking Chupacabra.

That's the Hispanic version of Bigfoot.

That's what white people have, I guess.

Bigfoot.

it and canadians have uh the uh staple of marshmallow man or something what's it called

the ice guy yeah the ice king the yeti sasquatch staple of marshmallow man that's ghostbusters

that's uh ray stans is uh fear is a staple of marshmallow man andy uh a transformers movie

is coming out a new rambo movie's coming out is still on in this still owns in it he's rambo again

yeah he's gonna be rambo again and uh burma what's burma burma the country burma they got

pythons there.

So?

I don't know.

All I know about Burma

is the Burmese python.

Yeah, but why are you

talking about Burma?

That's where the movie's based in.

It's going to be in Burma.

He's going to be in Burma

fighting the Viet Cong

or something again.

I don't know what he's

going to do this time.

Well, he fought

the Afghanistanis, right?

He fought in Afghanistan

and then in Burma.

I think it was against Russia.

Russia and Afghanistan.

Yeah, because he blew

a helicopter in.

That's right.

He loves blowing up

helicopters, man.

He blew up two helicopters

in his tenure.

Rambo did.

John Rambo.

He's an misunderstood man.

It's over Johnny

That's a picture of Captain Chupacabra

Andy

I'll do it

Open that up

Andy's going to check that out for us on the laptop

And we're going to do the next call here

To see what I can do here

Walmart Supercenter

Bozo

Bozo in California

This guy is retarded or just really strange

Look at that stupid picture

He answered 11 minutes ago

That's supposed to be Chupacabra?

That's what they're saying

Whatever man

It looks like a bird

I don't even think it looks like a bird

It looks like a bit fake

Okay, and Nunu says

The guy said, is that James?

Okay, I see, so he thought I was James

If I said that this is James

Alright, let me try that then

Okay, good call, and we'll call Bozo after that

Everything copacetic there, Andy?

Sounds like you got a plan

What do we want to play here?

Fucking ACDC

No, this is a good song, we're playing it

Oh, fuck it, what's that one that we were just listening to?

That one CD, I forget again

No, no, no, the first one that we copied

before that one some face handsome there we go all right i don't know what's good here what was

good that we're listening to my song all right i'll pick one not everybody next call is coming

up right now what is this explain this everybody explain tonight's debacle why we are not coming

through you didn't forget no i didn't i didn't meditate i didn't do a lot of taste i didn't

masticate and chew my food well today i almost choked twice today yes chicken wings well i was

trying to get to the marrow don't do that okay that's nasty man what would you do that's a black

thing man chew down the marrow that's a black thing eat that marrow um okay now what are the

movies that we saw that are coming out we saw um fucking there's a new punisher coming out

magneto the movie oh really they're really gonna do that i know wolverine's coming okay

I believe there's a war

Iron Man's coming out of course

Ghost Rider

Ghost Rider sounds good

Shit what's the one that's escaping me right now

Fantastic Four 2

I haven't seen the first one

That's the big thing now

Okay that's coming out eventually

Turtles we talked about last week

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Transformers

What needs to come out that hasn't

We need a new Robocop movie

We need a remake of Robocop

Is what I say

You always really like Robocop right

Because he's the underdog.

That's your favorite hero.

Yeah.

He's the biggest retard.

He's a robot.

He's a half-dead person, half-robot.

He probably stinks.

He moves real slow like you.

Yeah, that's why.

No, it's not.

I can probably get away from him.

Yeah, but...

He always fights a bigger, meaner robot and wins.

He always gets his ass kicked.

And you're like, how could he win?

Does he have more heart?

Is that what they're trying to say?

Yeah, because he's more human.

The other ones are better than him.

He's more human.

Well the third one

He fought

A Japanese made

Robocop

And it was like

A fucking samurai ninja

Fucking guy

I don't think I saw that

It was like a jet league

Fucking guy

Yeah it's crazy

He had the sword

How could he possibly

Beat that guy

Because they made

A jet pack for him

And he flew around him

Or something

I think some shit

Happened where he

Was able to beat him

Yeah Robocop was lame

Yeah Robocop was

A piece of shit

He's old 80

The first one was not bad

No that was good

That was ultra violent

A lot of cursing

A lot of everything

And Red from 70's show

was the bad guy.

He was, really?

Yeah.

He was Clarence Boddicker?

No, he was the leader

of the Goon Squad.

It was a group of goons.

The guys that killed him originally.

Clarence Boddicker.

I don't think he was.

I thought he was like an overboss.

Yeah, that guy was Clarence Boddicker.

The guy that ran it?

The guy that shot his arm off and shit?

Oh, yeah, well, that was Red.

Okay.

Oh, I didn't...

Really?

That's crazy.

I didn't know it was the same person.

Interesting.

I'll probably run.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't really think that's him.

Oh, yeah, I'll go with that.

You do that.

IMDB.com, everybody.

Visit IMDB.com.

They're sponsoring us tonight, as well as Bud Light and Zephyr Hills Water.

Zephyr Hills at Natural Spring Water.

Visit Zephyrhills.com.

There's a movie for World Trade Center coming out Friday.

And the movie...

Who's in that?

Nick Cage is in it.

Nicolas Cage.

Rob Cop.

Robo Cop.

Here we go.

Here's the information.

Come on.

The first Robo Cop was awesome.

They had fire explosions.

That's right.

red ah you know that's right let me see the cast go back to the camera why is he going to the cast

directed by peter verhoeven peter weller was in the legacy clarence boddicker curtwood smith

yeah that's him that him confirmed let's see they go for rare oh that is him that is some

shit right there man wow yeah that's 70 show you gotta be shitting me wow what else is this guy

done justice league he's been voicing stuff too apparently yeah okay he was in voyage

nothing good

new Star Trek movie

is coming out Andy

and Matt Damon

is in it

Matt Damon

is playing

Captain Kirk

the young Captain Kirk

that's going to be awful

it's going to be awful

I know

it's going to be terrible

yeah it is going to be awful

I don't know

is he going to do

a Shatner impression

you know I hope

he does talk like Shatner

wouldn't that be great

just a really bad

imitation of Shatner

yeah I would love that

he was in Rambo 3

that guy

he's been in a bunch

of shit man

look at that

Rambo 3

good movies though

oh the paper chase

He was in Blue Thunder?

Yeah, he was the leader of Blue Thunder.

I used to love that show.

And he was in an episode of the A-Team.

I mean, he was in the leader.

He was in an episode of Blue Thunder.

One episode.

Blue Thunder was the helicopter one that was like a knockoff of Airwolf.

Schneider flew Blue Thunder, I think, right?

Yeah, he was in the Star Trek 4 also.

Blue Thunder is way more.

Ooh, eat the cat.

No, Blue Thunder sucked.

Airwolf was the good one.

I like them both.

I don't know.

In a fight, Airwolf and Blue Thunder?

I think Blue Thunder would have won.

They had a gun on the side.

I don't think Blue Thunder did much.

Airwolf was a super.

Airwolf beat Jets and shit.

Yeah.

Why are you saying you're taking Blue Thunder over Airwolf?

I didn't say that.

That's what you said.

No, man.

Dana Carvey was in that?

Dana Carvey was...

Really?

Bubba Smith was in it, too.

Look at that.

Dick Buckus.

Huh.

Okay.

James Tarantino.

That's something, huh?

The A-Team and Airwolf's double, but better than that.

Whatever.

Anyway, we're talking 80s shows and movies and movies that are coming out.

What the fuck is this?

um clone homegrown is sending me a craigslist listing with a bumper for a boat that's for sale

or some shit well i'll look into that sir um pimp slut oh man okay we're gonna have we're

gonna help pimp slut out here andy pimp slut is gonna be joining full cell in orlando oh wow

really yeah well that's your new co-host pimp slut oh shit when is he coming here i'm gonna

be following career full cell i don't know what okay and he sends me a number from someone in

Tampa, who's a nigger

lover. Okay. Isn't Pimpslet

a nigger wannabe? Yeah.

Man, Pimpslet, you'd fuck a black girl for

cred. If one would let you, you would.

KDK is talking about Jason

teeing his head back to Crystal Lake.

Freddy vs. Jason. Okay.

That sucked. I wasn't happy with that.

There's a new Chucky vs. Leprechaun

that's coming out in a few days.

Oh, that'll be bad. Yeah, the first Leprechaun?

That was awesome.

I remember the first Leprechaun.

Chucky would wipe the Leprechaun. You know what sucked?

Tuck was when Leprechaun went to the moon.

Did you see that one?

They made a bunch of crappy ones after that.

It was over.

He went to the moon.

The first one was good, but when he was going to the moon, I was like...

I like the Leprechaun in the hood.

Leprechaun, but I didn't see that one.

Yeah, that was good.

The last one I saw was him in the moon, and I was like, you know what?

Okay, that's enough.

You know, the toll-free line isn't up again tonight.

I'm sorry, everybody.

Oh, it's still not working?

No, it's not.

Let's have Clone Homegrown call in.

What do you say?

You know, I was thinking about, since Milkman is incognito, what's the phone number here?

even know i got a new phone number here that's why the toll-free line is still not working

apparently they closed at 4 p.m and i tried to call today to give them the uh new information

the new phone number for it to ring to and sure enough they were closed i procrastinated way to

the last minute so um anyway what i was talking about i was thinking about having clone homegrown

uh pick up the uh the uh satellite feed uh co-hosting duty since you're going to be leaving

here this is your last show or you're going to be here next thursday for the last show no this is

Is it here?

Yeah.

All right, so we hope to be on the road on Thursday.

I mean, I don't have to.

I would say it's like a 20% chance.

Right.

Well, we've got to do something, man.

We're going to go out to drink Sunday, right?

Good.

I haven't been out drinking in a long time, and I'm looking forward to that.

It should be Clone Homegrown, everybody.

Madhouse Radio, you're on the air.

What's up?

Hey, what's up, Clone Homegrown?

How you doing, man?

What's up, Buttercup?

Nothing.

Buttercup?

Don't call me Buttercup, man.

Oh, come on.

Don't get too familiar with me, man.

I'm playing with you.

What's up with you, man?

Man, how is the state of Texas?

Is it hot there?

Fucking hot.

Yeah.

Like three digits, you know.

It's not that bad.

It's bad.

I don't have AC in my car, and I have a 30-minute commute every day.

And you weigh 300 pounds.

And I weigh 300 pounds.

Andy, you weigh closer to 300 pounds than I do.

Do you have AC in your house, central AC?

You got a window shaker?

What do you got over there in your setup?

I got central.

Oh, good.

Look at that.

You don't see that much outside of Florida, right?

No, not a lot of houses.

You see it all over Texas.

No?

No.

No, everybody

in Illinois I don't have it.

We're smart.

We knew global warming was coming early.

Yeah, but, oh, dude, you know what happened today in Boston?

They went 20 degrees.

They went from, like, 90-something to 70-something in 60 minutes today.

That's shit.

Yeah.

In the middle of the afternoon, it went up to, like, 90-something,

And this cold front came through

And it dropped the temperature

20 degrees in 60 minutes

I'd be passing out

Just from excitement

Yeah

Can you imagine that

How freaky that is

Yeah

It's completely sweeping

Through the

Like Maine

And all those other states now

So yeah

Yeah

That'd be kind of weird though

The temperatures drop like that

Here in Florida sometimes

But in the winter

You know it's gone down

Maybe 20

But like

When it's like

Extra hot

Like it's been in the whole country

And it drops like that

You know

Right

You know people probably

Opening up their windows and shit

Like oh that's great

Great. People with no AC, I mean.

Oh, yeah. That's my bong, man.

That's what I hear. How much did you pay for this bong?

The one I broke?

Yeah.

That's like a mid-size.

But I got another one.

How much did you pay for your new one?

Nothing.

Nothing? Okay. You made it?

It didn't have a bolt to go by the stem for.

Oh, okay. So you just bought the stem.

Yeah.

Gotcha.

But let's see if it sounds just as good, okay?

Okay.

That's right. The name.

Probably not as loud.

It was actually louder.

I thought it was pretty loud.

It was actually louder than the old one, so that's a plus right there, man.

All right.

Way to be.

Why don't you throw that one against the wall, too?

Throw it against the fuck.

No, I was screaming when I broke the other one.

I screamed, fuck, shit, you know, goddamn turd.

Yeah.

You know, everything I could think of.

Did you kick it over?

What exactly happened?

I hit it, and it was, like, in between the bed, the bottom of the bed,

and there's, like, that piece of iron on the bottom of the bed that's angled, you know?

Right.

And it cracked that and exploded all over the fucking floor.

Oh, that sucks.

Why were you hiding?

Was your P.O. there?

Yeah.

Your P.O. was coming?

It sucked.

I was cleaning the resin out of it, and I fucking cut my thumb open.

It bled for like five hours.

I'm like, shit.

That's crazy.

You might be diabetic.

Yeah, you might be a hemophiliac.

Yeah.

No, I've been tested.

Okay.

And I don't have AIDS for those that care.

Okay.

Do you have herpes?

You know, one in four people have herpes.

No, I don't.

Syphilis neither.

Good.

Congratulations.

I passed that test, too.

I'm not getting the gonorrhea test.

I could care less.

You could care less about the gonorrhea?

Yeah.

That shit hurts.

Do you see how they test for that?

They stick that up your urethra.

Oh, really?

It's like a cotton tip for your ears.

Oh, five seconds.

Yeah, I've heard of that.

You need a gonorrhea test.

I know I don't have it.

All right, well, hey, we were talking earlier.

You need to download this software so we can get you on the show here, like, next week.

I didn't have time to get you set up this week.

Okay.

But Milkman is like

I don't know where he's been

He's in the chat room

He doesn't talk or nothing

Doesn't talk to me

So I gotta get someone

To help me out with the show

You know

So if you want

Since you like doing the show

But you're having

Tentacle difficulties

I'm thinking at least

For the time being

We can maybe get you on

With me every once in a while

Right

You know

Just do some commentary

And maybe do some pranks

We'll comfort you in

And all that

As long as I can smoke

On the air man

Absolutely not

Yeah you can't do that

Absolutely not

What do you think this is

What do you take this show for

Fuck the rules, I do my own thing.

Hold on, I want to hear you take a shot of heroin on the air.

Yeah.

Do that.

Let's do that.

Okay, buy me some heroin.

Yeah, you can do it.

Can you do a wine enema for us one night?

Yeah.

Okay.

He's totally for it.

You got a funnel?

He's got the funnel already.

He's ready to go.

I made this funnel out of a...

I can do a hell of a performance pretending, anyway.

I made this funnel out of a two liter bottle, garden hose.

Anyway, you want to do that prank call to that guy who's selling a boat?

Yeah, I should.

All right, hang on.

I just called him.

You already did?

Yeah, but I'll do it again.

Okay, good.

Let's see.

He's selling a 92 Tracker Sweet 16, whatever that is.

Johnson 25 Horse Patrick says too much information.

Yeah, it's a lot of info.

Okay.

Real quickly, on AOL Instant Messenger, where you can reach us at Madhouse Radio,

Baron Pedro Slim, I think that's his name,

a new listener is saying that he knows a guy named Rick.

He wants me to ring him and say that I found his dog since he's looking for it.

Oh, really?

Well, that's not nice.

And you found it dead on the road.

And this is in the U.K.

You're holding it up.

Did you want like $500 for it?

That's all right.

We got to do that next.

All right.

We're definitely going to do that next.

And also, some dude here named Previous, and he's saying, he's sending me numbers up in like Britain or something, I think, too.

That's some gay font.

Yeah, I can't read that, dude.

Ring so-and-so.

It's a U.K. number.

Ask for Jeff and say it's his son, Adam.

Okay, whatever.

All right.

Well, you know what I need?

I don't know the country codes.

This is what, 01144, I guess.

I guess I don't know how it works.

I know the 011.

I'm going to copy and paste this in.

It's a Lonesome Loser.

Tell him to translate it for me in American.

There you go.

Lonesome Loser, try to translate that phone number to me in your format so I can do that call next.

But for the time being, we're going to call this guy who's selling a fucking boat.

boat right um okay they go back with that right after this yeah going back about the boat sir

yeah you got anywhere i can test drive this motherfucker the ohio river how about we go up

there this weekend i test drive it have it here in my house from to be exact it's um yeah i have

my other boat sitting at a marina here i live in erlanger by the airport right now uh can can uh

You stand on shore and drop your trousers, and I test drive that boat right up your ass.

I just want to see how far I can get that boat up your ass, sir.

Like I said, if I'm spending $3,000, somebody else is going to have to take it up the ass, too.

And there it is.

Oh, the...

Okay, not bad.

You know what the problem is here?

We're going to call the international call, you know.

I don't know what city in Britain it is.

It's going to be hard to tell this person that I found his dog dead if I can't, you know, tell him,

oh, yeah, I'm here, and so and so.

though. And the guy who sent it to me is already offline. That sucks. That's true. We could

try still, though, I guess. Okay. Hang on, everybody. We're going to do that next prank

call. It's going to be a Briton, some guy named Rick, who's lost his dog. And we're

going to mess with him. And there it is. Hang on, everybody. Be right back with that now.

Let me start. You can jump in now. Or is Rick there? Dog? Rick there, please. Damn

you. Damn her. Damn Briton. I'm going to talk to him. Either that's the wrong number

or whatever. Maybe I dialed it wrong. I don't know. I'm not going to take a chance.

Acid says that almost every city in the UK has a George Street.

So tell them I found it on George Street.

Is that like our Church Street?

Main Street.

That's what we have here, right?

We have a Main Street everywhere.

Right.

Well, they had a lot of kings names.

You know, King George I.

King George III.

The V.

There weren't that many.

What do you do again?

You're a janitor?

Actrician.

That's awesome, man.

You remember this stuff really well, Andy.

I have a really bad memory.

Don't pay attention to people.

I don't.

That's

He told us

That the night

You passed out

I'm surprised

You remember that

The night you fell

The night you passed out

That was a few weeks ago

Two weeks ago

Passed out

I didn't pass out

I lost my balance

Very bad

Right

Passed out I guess

I guess

I guess I passed out

Okay

Parting

That's your clone homegrown

Yes I got

I got

Alright

Catch you next week

Bye man

Later

Everybody cloned homegrown

They're always ecstatic

Clone homegrown

own exactly wow um what are we we're missing something tonight there's something missing

about a phone call yeah you got a point thank you we're missing good pranks tonight yes that's right

indeed it is um i don't get the whole nigger lover thing man lonesome loser let's see what

else he sent us here well he was sending information about that number that we're

looking at next bro how do you think lonesome loser operates like how do you think he confirms

do you think he just

buys tons and tons

of phone cards

and just calls people

all the time

plug in his

I don't know man

84

really

he just says the number

011

9

07

bravo

confirmed it

he does a great job of it

I wonder maybe he does

does he work for the

phone company

maybe he works for

AT&T

he'd be like an

inside man

forget his power

he's a 5th column

Andy I need a title

for the new

CD

any ideas

yep

Next month I'll have the burner and everything

and we're going to make a CD of the show.

I'm excited about it.

I was not.

What do you think?

Do you have a name for it?

I got a few names running.

I got Operation Rolling Thunder.

I've thought of First and Goal.

I don't know.

And that's really all I have.

That's awful.

What should I call the title of the first?

I'm going to do one every year.

We're at the one year pass.

I'm going to do the good pranks of the whole year.

Mira, you should call it Mira.

M-I-R-A.

Yeah.

No that's like

Billy Mirren

That's too close to that

He did a show

And people get confused

And then

You know people start

Accusing me

Stealing a thunder

I don't even know

Look

What about what what

No

I have no idea

What to call it

Maybe someone out there

Has an idea

You gotta like

Pick out whatever

The best

Fuck you bitch

Motherfucker

Fuck you

Yeah see

But if I try to sell that

Legitimately someday

I can't do it

Not that it'll ever happen

For Dr. Lego

Special guest star

Dr. Lego

Dr. Lego and Zolar

She doesn't make

At all Dr. Lego

Shits

have nothing with Dr. Lego

calling in

and talking

yeah calling

negative about himself

yeah kill himself

or someone else

who ripped him off

yeah

he's always sad

his woman

or making fun of Athena

yeah

asking inappropriate questions

about my girlfriend

that's what he's good at

that's what he's good for

starting to rape her shoe

her shoe?

nasty

I wouldn't do that

I wouldn't touch her shoes

ugh

anyway

so we have

we have listeners right now

and I thank you all

for listening

I'm really tempted

to go to the bathroom dude

you think it's too early?

I'm going to take a piss.

Why?

I'm going to take a piss.

I know.

I was saying, why would it be too early?

I guess not, right?

Let's take a break.

Try to regroup here.

Come right back.

So, for the time being, everybody, please continue to listen.

Like I said, we will be right back shortly.

It is now 11.26 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

You're listening to Madhouse Radio.

Do not go anywhere.

We'll be right back in about five minutes.

Thank you.

Piece of shit up there.

I never liked, never trusted.

I know he had me set up to have my friend Asia Fernandez killed.

Now we're back.

Thanks, everybody, for hanging in there.

Pimp Slut is hearing the rap now.

I accidentally played last week's break.

We played the wrong news and everything.

We played the same break that we played from last week.

I messed up.

So I'm very, very sorry.

It was supposed to be a news report about America taking out a debt consolidation loan

because of the deficit.

I want to hear that.

You want to hear it?

I can play it.

Now it's ready.

And I played the song from last week.

I was supposed to play Jimi Hendrix,

and to your dismay, you had to hear something else.

Let's play the news.

It's the Onion Radio News.

The U.S. takes out a debt consolidation loan.

This is Doyle Redland reporting.

Plagued by late fees, high interest rates, and annoying creditors,

the U.S. took out a debt consolidation loan today,

day combining the nation's 6.1 trillion dollar debt into a single easy monthly payment easy debt

spokesman phil rizzo when you don't know where else to turn easy debt is there to help you get

back on your feet opponents of the plan charge that it endangers numerous national assets offered

as collateral among the valuable properties yellowstone national park nasa and the mighty

mississippi river doyle redland for the onion radio news brought to you by target that's right

Brought to you by Target, everybody.

Okay, Andy, are you pointing at me to read something on the air?

No, I just wanted to point it out to you.

What is it about Venezuela?

I don't trust those bastards.

Yeah, it's Hugo Chavez.

Hugo Chavez is an ass.

Oh, yes, of course.

Castro.

Oh, yeah.

He's not going to die.

Your uncle.

He's not going to die.

Uh-oh.

He's not going to die.

I was supposed to talk about that.

That's your uncle.

When it happened, I was like, he's not going to die.

That guy's going to...

No, he's going to come back more powerful than ever.

Maybe his brother will keep power.

He'll be able to shoot lightning out of his fucking fingertips.

Maybe his brother will dick power.

Just like that.

That's how they do stuff in communist Cuba.

Yeah, he could kick his brother's ass.

But here's what's going to happen.

And he's not going to die.

But if Fidel Castro dies, his brother Raul takes over for the next ten years.

So don't get all bent out by the state of Miami.

Fucking Cubans.

I hate Cubans.

After that, it'll be some other communist probably.

You don't think that once Castro and his...

America will force themselves.

No, well, the Cubans living in South Florida, well, there'll be a revolt.

It's going to be like Coca-Cola is going to be in charge or something.

Coca-Cola and Big Sugar.

It's going to be corporations.

It'll be hotels and airlines.

Not airlines.

Airlines aren't shit anymore.

It'll be hotel chains.

If they hadn't went communist back in the 60s, that would have been, you know, the Amsterdam or the Western Hemisphere.

Yeah, it would be.

It would be great.

And a lot of people go there from other countries, but, you know.

Because the mafia had it and everything was legal.

It would have been great.

but they had to

prostitution was legal

yeah

and then

Castle took it away

90 miles from Florida

yeah

it would be great

you could probably

right now

if it was part

if the mafia

was still ranting

you could probably

fly there from Florida

for like $30

$30?

yeah

because there would be

so many flights coming

it would be real cheap

it would be like

another Las Vegas

it would have been

because it had casinos

it had the nightlife

and everything

mafia keeps it safe

nice and safe

yeah

mafia keeps it safe

yeah

Yeah, well, you see, in the 70s, they kept the Las Vegas safe.

Las Vegas didn't go bad until the mafia left.

Really?

Now Vegas is all corporate now.

Yeah, they're all corporate.

Now it's a dangerous city.

Yeah, full of hoodlums.

Hoodlums and Tupac murderers.

Yeah, that's true.

No one ever talks about the fact that Tupac was killed right in the strip.

There's just so many gangs from L.A. who just go to Vegas every weekend.

Yeah, I would if I lived in it.

Because you know what?

You go to Vegas and drink for free as long as you're playing, dude.

Yeah, and then, you know, there's gang members all in Vegas.

It's horrible.

I would pay nickel slots all night and just drink and drink.

Take your chips from you, and if you say anything, you'll get shanked.

No, why?

Oh, the hoodlums?

Yeah, I don't like it when black people are around like that.

More than three of them at once is not good news.

Well, there's Mexicans and black guys.

Oh.

There's probably even white gangs.

Filipinos.

Yeah, the triad.

Koreans.

The deadness, the retardedness.

Dude, you know, I...

Give me your chips.

Wouldn't it be awesome, man, to be able to take a cruise from Key West, or from Florida?

You could probably take me from Port Canaveral to Havana in a day.

You get on the boat, and you start getting wasted.

You start drinking, and by the time they drop you off in Cuba, you're wasted.

Do you know you can do that?

But it was only four hours ago.

You can go to the Bahamas from Fort Lauderdale.

It gets you there in four hours.

You can get wasted on the boat.

They give you...

They have, like, an open bar, free drinks and stuff on the way there.

and you can go to the Bahamas,

you can hang out,

you can go to the casinos,

you can get drunk,

you can buy Cuban cigars,

you can fucking hang out

in the Bahamas,

stay a day or two if you want

and you can technically come back the same day.

You can go to the Bahamas,

be there for a few days,

be there for like four hours

and get on their last boat back.

They have like four boats

that go back and forth from Fort Lauderdale

and it's like 50 bucks I think to do it

or something like that.

Maybe not 50,

it's like 75 dollars I think actually.

Something like that.

Why are you looking at me like that?

This is interesting that you could do that.

Wow, you really think that's interesting?

Yeah, it is.

Why don't you tell me how much it costs to fly to Arizona from here?

Arizona?

Yeah.

Nevada, you mean?

Yeah.

Las Vegas from here?

No, Arizona.

I have no idea.

Why would I know?

Because you know everything about fucking travel.

You're selling everything.

I looked into it.

You know what?

Motherfucker, it's a bookmark.

Hang on.

I've got to find it.

I have a bookmark that will prove it to you.

If you go out there, you're going to get caught by pirates.

Pirates of the Caribbean.

The Bahamas Vacation Special.

Here it is.

This is the fucking cruise right here.

See?

I was right.

It's daily something something.

I don't know.

Whatever.

Why are we talking about this?

I don't know.

That's my whole point.

Well, see, you're acting like I'm bullshitting you.

No, I'm not.

I'm acting like, well, who cares how much this cruise costs?

Okay.

All right, fine.

I'm just saying it's cool.

You could probably do that.

Go to Cuba and make it a restaurant.

It'd be fun to do that.

Yeah, I'd take a plane.

I don't want to be...

Free Cuba, everybody.

I received the number for Hugo Chavez.

of it. This guy, I always call his numbers

and fucking, they're never

who he says they are, this guy.

Whoever he is.

Yeah, the other guy from the UK, he's sending

weird-ass numbers. I can't read this.

Ring up Jeff Salzamp

on the UK number you said you

would and you didn't. Fool. Okay.

I don't know. Whatever you say, dude.

We have no music playing. That's another problem.

I'll play this. Whatever.

I don't know if we played this

already, but we're playing it now. And we're moving right

along. Yeah, right.

Yeah, right, we're moving right along

Yeah, we're not moving along at all

Yeah, you're right

The Sassy Game Room in Athens, Texas

Let's call that, hang on, everybody

Hey, Sassy's?

Yes, it is

You know, I went in there a little bit ago to your game room

And I was treated a little rudely

Oh, you were?

Yes

My name is Hector Garcia

Hector, I don't think I'd ever do someone that way

Well, someone did

I don't know if they work there a lot, but

Well, when were you in here?

Oh, earlier tonight

tonight. Oh, tonight? Yeah. Because unless you've got a card, I usually meet everybody

at the door and make sure they have a card before we let them in. Yeah, that's the whole

thing. The person didn't let me in said I didn't have the card. Okay, would that have

been John? Yes, John. Oh, yes, sir. Well, I don't appreciate him touching me the way

he did. Oh, okay, sir. Let me tell him, and I'm really sorry that that happened. Can

Can I talk to him, please?

Uh, well, Johnny isn't over here.

Could I have your number?

I could have him call you.

I mean, I'd rather not.

I just really need to apologize to him.

Oh.

Please?

Okay.

Uh, I have to call him.

Can you call back here?

Oh, sure.

Uh, in just a little bit.

Give me a chance to call him.

Okay.

Well, thank you very much.

Okay, Hector.

Okay.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

I don't want to get John fired, Andy.

What did you say he did to you?

Did he handle you?

I don't like the way he touched me.

Okay.

Well, then I said I want to apologize.

What kind of place was that?

I don't know.

It's some game room.

Why do they have to have a car to go to the game room?

What's that all about?

I don't know.

Yeah.

So, this one guy is going to Full Sail.

Has anybody ever done anything productive with a degree from Full Sail?

Because all I hear is bad stories about people going to Full Sail.

Look, we're not trying to be assholes, bro, but this is Pimslut, right?

Who's going to Full Sail?

Yeah, Pimslut.

Just looking out for you.

I hear a lot of bad stories about Full Sail.

If you want to go and party and get high, it's a place to do it.

Is it really a party?

Is it?

Yeah.

Okay.

I guess so.

I mean, a lot of people go to Full Sail, but I noticed that a lot of them have the Full

Sail sticker on their car, and they're not going to Full Sail anymore.

They just kind of integrate into Orlando.

They move from another part of the state, like you are, and they want to have their

dream of going to Full Sail, and they go for maybe a semester or two, and they can

never leave again.

That's what it's like.

I don't know if that's the case for everybody.

I know they have video game design out there

And stuff

EA Sports is in Orlando now

So maybe it's a good thing

Good luck to you

And if you want to sit in on the show

I'll consider it

Isn't UCF opening up a video game school?

Yeah, it's over there where the Expo Center used to be

And EA is moving in there too

Tip around, whatever

The people that make Madden

Will be moving into that new complex

They tore it down

I'll be going back there in January

I keep pushing it off by six months

Every time

And it happened again

I was supposed to start this month

Instead I'm going to be out until next year

So it'll be exactly 18 months

That I have not been in school

For pretty much since I started doing this show

I haven't been going to college

Do you think that's the show's fault?

I don't know

Will I be able to do this show while I'm going to class?

I don't know if I'm going to be able to

Thursday classes

I don't know.

What if I can't?

Monday night class.

Okay.

Monday night, Wednesday night?

I have to see.

Okay.

The problem is I have to take the classes they tell me.

I have to take specific classes that they put on my program.

What if it's during the day?

Man, I don't know.

They got to work with you.

Well, no.

Yeah, they work with the schedule.

I think they look at the schedule and they compare it.

I don't know what I'm going to.

I don't know.

I'm starting a part-time job Saturday, dude.

At Kmart again.

Yeah, remember I did work at Kmart.

I'm working at the other Kmart now.

You don't think they're going to check up on you?

didn't you just quit yeah but i gave him notice i told him look it's not working out it's like

all right he kept me in the schedule for like three weeks after that he wanted me to come back

he said he didn't care he said i'll keep in the schedule if you can work it out with your other

job then i could say the problem was he wanted me to work until midnight and i had to be at my

other job at 7 a.m and um that wasn't what i was told i was going to get done and they did it to

me like three days in a row and didn't tell me until the day before i had to come in and i was

telling him look you know i did it a few times and after that i was like i was you know falling

what i i need to stick to my primary full-time job and look what i got me anyway i got fired

then a month later they got rid of me anyway so what the fuck you know i'm looking for a new job

now i'm very unhappy with where i'm at right now if you guys have a job offer yes please do i had

two languages everybody i do i have an interview tomorrow night uh tomorrow evening tomorrow

afternoon i'm sorry i had uh two interviews last night i had the job offer the job inquiry today

also this afternoon i don't know so i'm moving uh i'm gonna try to move out of where i'm at

right now i'm not happy there at all so it would have been better had i stayed unemployed i think

because i could have just chilled and still have been on unemployment could have made enough to

get by but anyway here's the problem and let me ask you that you know okay if you're an

unemployment where you can't be working up all right i get fired let's say from where i'm at now

look my full-time job my second job can i do i i need to quit that job to make unemployment right

or I keep that

and live off of that

and say

see I would rather

quit and leave off

on unemployment

yeah

cause it's probably

obey you about the same

yeah

you don't have to work

and then I can

concentrate on

finding another job

with my time

and relaxing

and shit like that

so yeah

so I might have to

quit smoking weed

also

soon

well last time

I passed a drug test

like 3-4 days

of not smoking

and I had been smoking

like all day

every day

for like

months and months

before that

I just drank

a lot of water

and a lot of

goldenseal

and a lot of

detox tea

and about one of

those cleansers and uh and i'll let you know which one you should get if you ever need one

you know what i mean right because it's the one that worked for me and anyway you know i'm gonna

type up my formula look if if an overweight diabetic puerto rican who was smoking pot

every day several times a day not working just doing like from the time he woke up all the way

until night and he had four days he had three and a half days of not smoking anything and he was

was still able to pass a drug test.

I think that's a testament for anybody out there looking for how to pass a drug test.

That'd be another good movie.

Yeah, not a good movie, but I should type out my program for detoxing temporarily for

a drug test.

I'm going to do that.

I'm going to type that up and make it available to the world, Andy, because I did it.

Good.

Yeah.

I don't think you'll do it.

I can't.

Hey, I did it once.

I did it once.

No, I mean, I don't think you're actually going to take it off.

Oh, I'll prove you wrong, Andy.

Remind me of that next week when I forget.

You're not going to be on the show next week.

No.

It doesn't matter.

You're fucking leaving.

I can still look at the website and see that you didn't

because you won't.

Okay.

You're not getting anything done.

What are you talking about?

I get the podcast done every week.

Do you have the podcast?

No.

Do you get the podcast?

You won't give me your iPod.

I'm not giving you my iPod.

That's my bitch.

That iPod goes everywhere with me.

I own that iPod.

I love that iPod.

Al-Qaeda's neo-Nazi connections, huh?

That's what's going on.

The Battle of Athens.

Yeah, that's the one weird site you look at.

We're not even doing prank calls right now.

We're just bullshit.

Yeah, you're supposed to do prank calls.

I am.

Let's see.

See, are people complaining in the chatroom?

I bet you they are.

Jack Bar asks, when does the madhouse get funny?

Very funny.

It gets funny as soon as Clone calls in, says Nigga.

And then Clone Homegrown says it's too late.

Why don't you try the McDonald's?

Okay, I have to find the number.

Fuck you, bitch motherfucker guy.

McDonald's, talking to all people.

Hey, how you doing, buddy?

Good.

Who is this?

Mike.

M-I-K-E.

Who is this?

My name?

Yeah.

Hector Garcia.

Okay.

How you doing?

Good.

Hey.

The donut.

especially like your mom i'm growing with this let me ask you a question buddy between me and

you okay we're friends right yeah okay mike look do you know who the guy is who always argues with

me when i try to call well what's his name tell me about him what's he look like what's he look

like aren't you one second no no no tell me what he looks so we need to know about him first oh god

you moron hey sir how are you talking in the background he's like reporting me he's talking

i really want to know what this guy looks like i need to call during the day or something they

got white people to work there though i gave that number to sean ward like two months ago and

He called it on the air

And the guy was

It was some white guy

It was like the owner

The manager or something

And he was a nice guy

So I don't know

What that was about

It sounds funny

Yeah I'd like to hear that

I'm sure it's great

Yeah I'm sure it is

We don't have any more music

That's it

What a fucking

Piece of shit this is

Damn it man

Okay

I think we played this already

But fuck it

Whatever Andy

Okay

Whatever

We'll try to do something else now

Unless there's anything else

We can talk about

Which I don't think so

Um

Donuts

That's Big Wang.

Hampton Inn and Suites.

A woman named Veronica answered.

We also have a Hampton...

Okay, and Elise answered also at a different one.

They're both in California.

A place called Big Wang's.

Whatever.

Okay, let's call the Hampton Inn and Suites then.

For a minute, it seems that I've heard the terms printed on your card and posters.

Wait a minute.

It says card and posters, right?

Are there phone card posters?

Hey, this is Veronica.

How can I help you?

Hi, Veronica.

How are you tonight?

I'm fine.

How are you?

I'm good.

Do you have any of those phone card posters there?

Phone card posters?

Yes.

What exactly are you talking about?

Well, don't you guys give out the free phone card posters?

Oh, no, we don't.

I was told that you guys did.

Free phone card posters?

Yeah.

Well, ask around about it, because seriously, if not, I'm not very happy.

That's mostly the main reason I checked in here tonight is for that.

What exactly is that?

It's a big phone card, but it's on a big poster,

and it has a picture of Muhammad Ali in front of it.

And it says, The Hampton Inn Suites.

We knock out the competition.

Oh, no, we don't.

Yeah, they're collectibles. I've been following the whole thing on the internet, and I came here to get one.

Oh, no.

You really need to find it. Come on. They're supposed to be autographed and everything.

Are you sure it's the one in Lathrop?

Yes, Lathrop, yes.

Hmm.

I don't know. You might be hiding them because they're so valuable, but you can just at least give me one. I won't tell anybody you have them.

No, I'm serious. I did not hear anything about that.

I mean, I know how you guys do it. You're probably just hiding them so you can take them home yourself.

I know they came in today. Come on.

No. Did you guys hear anything about a phone card poster?

Phone card poster? A phone card poster?

No, there's actually nothing like that going on.

Can you ask about the Muhammad Ali poster?

A Muhammad Ali poster?

Eating fried chicken?

No.

No, not at all, sir. There's nothing like that going on here.

What about with a guy eating fried chicken?

A guy eating fried chicken?

Yeah, Muhammad Ali eating fried chicken and watermelon?

watermelon ask ask no there's nothing like that ask him if he had if he knows that the one with

muhammad ali no it's george foreman eating uh fried chicken and watermelon ask him can you

please george foreman eating chicken no no sir i'm sorry fried chicken and watermelon

ask him please you didn't ask him the whole thing yeah i did fried chicken and watermelon yeah

george foreman's eating it no yeah he is there's nothing like that going on here so maybe i saw

out in a dream, or maybe you just, I really think you're keeping all of them.

No, I'm serious.

There's nothing like that going on here.

What do I need to do to make you happy?

There's nothing like that going on here.

How can I help you, ma'am?

There's nothing like that going on here.

I mean, do I need to give you my account number?

Do I need to maybe slip you a 20?

No, not at all.

Actually, can I put you on hold for just a second?

I have a guest in front of me.

A guest?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Can I hear you do your job?

No, I actually have to put you on hold.

My name is John Hampton.

Okay.

Do you know who I am?

No.

I'm John Hampton.

John Hampton?

Yes, that's me.

Okay.

This is my N in sweet.

Okay.

So, you know, just be aware.

That's all I have to say.

Okay, but I wasn't aware of anything like that going on here.

Well, I mean, you're down to a four instead of a five on the friendliness scale.

Yeah, there's nothing like that going on here.

All right.

If you get perfect fives, everybody gets a cruise.

If I get perfect fives, everybody gets a cruise?

Yes.

Oh.

Are you interested in the cruise?

I can make it happen.

No, no thank you.

It's, uh, George Foreman's gonna be down there

eating fried chicken and watermelon.

Is this a joke?

No, not at all.

This is serious.

This is as serious as cancer.

Um, the owner's actually here.

You can speak to him.

Oh, yeah, yeah, let me speak to him.

Okay.

That was what it was, Andy.

Best call of the night so far.

Perhaps the last call of the night.

Okay.

Andy, are people paying more attention to Mel Gibson

than the war in the Middle East now?

Are people paying more attention to Mel Gibson

in the war in the Middle East right now?

I think it's 50-50.

That was interesting.

I read it said he was charged with...

Oh, shit.

I don't even know what that is.

Okay, now I can hear you.

50-50, I said that.

And then I read an article where they said

he was getting charged with terrorism.

That's a fake thing.

It was fake?

It was fake.

You sent that to me and I...

It said BBC on it.

I know.

I fell for it, too,

and then I realized it was fake.

I fell for it for 10 seconds.

I was like, you've got to be kidding me.

Yeah, and I was like,

the next day, I was like,

that's going to be a big storm.

Can you imagine if...

Yeah, he was connected to some terrorist organization, right?

Or something like that?

Yeah, so then I didn't hear anything about it, and I was pissed.

I was like, they got me.

Yeah, he's funneling money to Hezbollah.

That's how much hatred he has for the Jews.

That would make sense with the shit he said.

You know, he's got to watch out for that.

Maybe he does.

Maybe he is involved in that flim-flam.

Like KDK does.

Yeah.

KDK isn't in the chat room, so yeah.

That's all of them.

Yeah, and then Die Cash or Die says,

cut the little flower thing and the juice comes out for you to smoke.

I don't know what he's talking about.

It's like drinking the juice that comes out of a

Alright the guys in the chat room are gay

Apparently they're being very disgusting

And perverted

And we don't talk like that on the show Andy

We don't talk like that at all

We don't have any time for

Disgusting toilet humor like that

Senator Clinton calls

For Rumsfeld's resignation

Okay everybody does that

Everybody who's a democrat is going to ask for his resignation

They always do that several times

I'm calling for Dusty Baker to resign

Dusty Baker?

Yeah.

Who's that?

The Cubs manager.

Oh, okay.

Him?

Yeah.

Give it up, Dusty.

It's over.

So the Cubs suck right now?

Is that the problem?

Yeah.

You're upset about it?

Pretty much.

Yeah.

Who's coaching the Magic this year?

Brian Hill.

Do we have anything going on?

Yeah, we got a lot of good young players.

Okay.

We got Dwight Howard still.

We're good four years away.

All right.

Good.

We're good four years away from the championship.

I can't wait to read that.

I don't think the Magic will stay here for four years, honestly.

I think they're going to go to Memphis.

No.

No, they already worked out a tax on the arena.

Oh, so they are going to build an arena?

Yep.

Oh, you hear today we're getting a light rail system, too.

No way.

Yeah, from Deberry to Orlando.

Who would go to Deberry?

Well, the people who live out there where my parents live.

Why wouldn't it go, like, from Daytona to Orlando?

Eventually it'll do that.

That's the second thing.

And then from Orlando, like, to Atlanta.

Well, actually, they're going to do, they're doing Volusia County to Orange County, right, to Orlando.

And then they're going to do Osceola County, past Disney, past attractions, past Universal Studios, to Orlando.

And then they'll do Daytona Beach, too.

Correct.

Yeah.

They say it'll be like 30 minutes to get from DeBerry to Orlando.

It's not bad.

It's good.

Anyway, let's call it a night.

It's midnight.

We can probably make one more call.

You want to try one more?

Okay.

Big Wang's, Hampton Inn & Suites.

I don't know.

Walmart, the Pothouse Bar & Grill in Ireland.

We didn't call any businesses in Ireland.

Maybe they're open.

An Irish last answer to 1034.

That was like an hour and a half ago.

Let's try.

Maybe this is a bad idea.

We'll find out now.

I'm going to do an Eddie call now.

Okay, so much for that one.

Let's call a Walmart.

Has Eddie?

Okay.

Oh, I'm hot.

I know Lonesome Loser sent me Walmarts in Ireland once.

If he can find that number.

I'm sure he has it there somewhere.

A Walmart in Ireland or in Scotland or something like that.

Whatever they're called out there.

Try to find that.

We'll call the one here in America first.

What do you think?

We got Cody, Wyoming, Rock Springs, Wyoming, or Evanston, Wyoming.

Cody.

Cody sounds ghetto.

Cody sounds ghetto?

Okay.

We'll do that now.

Hang on, everybody.

Okay.

Fucking see what I mean, Andy.

Nothing works right sometimes.

Thank you for calling your credit super, Walmart.

How may I direct your call?

Yo, what's up?

Yo.

Hello, this is Walmart.

Yo, what's kicking?

Huh?

What's the word you're calling for?

I'm calling for the slip and slide, yo.

Slip and slide?

Yeah.

Yo, it's too hot.

Slip and slide?

Damn it.

This is the Walmart return to home.

What means, though, are we getting them to put us on the intercom system?

This is Jim.

Can I help you?

Yo, Jim, what's up, yo?

Hey, who's this?

Yo, my name's Eddie Garcia.

Hey.

Yeah, I just got...

What are you doing, man?

Yo, I just got back from the army.

Huh?

Army, I got discharged.

Uh-huh.

Yo, it's too hot, though.

Got the slip and slide?

Slip and slide?

Yeah.

No.

I want to take a shower with that shit.

No, I don't have that.

Yeah, well, you got over there that's cool.

Cool over there, yo.

It's too hot.

Uh, I...

You know, summer is pretty well selling out.

Dude, you got any little kiddie pools?

Like a pool, man?

Like a...

I don't have any, man.

Well, you got any kind of barrels or something, yo?

No.

You got pails?

You got those sand pails?

For making the sand forts.

I got pail.

We got pails.

Yeah, yo, I can put water in that.

Put it on my head.

Hold just a second.

I wear like Darth Vader, yo.

I'm going to put you on hold for just a second, okay?

And then I'll come back to you.

Okay, come back.

Yeah, he's...

You think he'll get someone else or be him?

I don't know either.

He does, right?

Just generating him back into Carlos, Carlito, whatever you want to call it.

There's a KKK website for him.

I'm going to be hold for a long time.

Maybe this isn't worth it.

Yeah, it's Jim again.

Yo, Jim.

Hey, where you calling from?

Yo, why it took so long, yo?

Yo.

Where you calling from?

Yo, I'm in town.

I'm visiting my family.

Uh-huh.

I just got out the army, yo.

Yeah.

Yeah, up here in Cody.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm on Yellowstone.

Okay.

Okay, well, don't.

Come on, seriously.

You got those barrels there?

Uh, you know, what you'd have to do is come in and take a look at what we got, man.

No, but you got a fan?

I could put the fan in the shower, turn on the shower.

Yeah, we got fans if you need that.

The ceiling fan?

Yeah.

Yo, so I put that in the shower, right?

Well, they're not waterproof.

Yo, well, we can do that.

Come on.

So if you want any ceiling fans or any regular fans.

Yeah, I need a waterproof.

If you have those, then you can come in and look at them.

Yo, we get some spackle and we get some tarp.

We make it waterproof and we put it in the shower.

That you'll have to do.

Yeah.

We do have all that merchandise.

Well, we can do that, man.

And then we put one of the, we put it right.

Well, no, that's.

You know, products.

I can try to help you.

Yeah.

But with regards to you doing your work at home, I can't help you.

Yo, let's go to Home Depot.

Home Depot is in Billings?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Let's go.

Let's do this.

I'm going to put a plasma screen TV in the toilet.

I'm working all night.

Yeah, well, I'm here all night, too, yo.

Oh, you're working?

Yeah, look, it's so cool.

I'll let you off tonight, man.

It's cool.

Yeah, well, I really can't take off, man.

I got the permission slip right here.

Permission from who?

Joe Walmart.

Joe Walmart, man, I appreciate it.

Yo, I fought him in the Army.

In any event, man, if you need anything from us, just come on in, and I'll be more than happy to help.

Look what happened, man.

Man, I was in the army, right?

And this guy had the deed to your Walmart?

I'm going to tell you something.

I also was in the service, and I served in Vietnam.

Yeah, well, you know what?

That's why we lost Vietnam.

Because I was in the service?

Yes.

Okay.

What did you do?

Did you kill any VC?

I was in surveillance.

You know what I did?

I threw a grenade on accident.

All right, man.

Is there anything else I can help you with?

I can see their faces now.

Is there anything else I can help you with?

Yo, I'll frag some people, yo.

Yo, they kicked me out.

Is there anything I can help you with, man?

I saw the Viet Cong in Iraq and everything.

Is there anything I can help you with?

Yeah, I'll tell you.

Let's go to Walmart.

I am at Walmart.

Okay, but here's what happened.

I arm wrestled the manager of your store, and he deed to the store.

I beat him.

What was the name of the manager?

I don't know, man.

Okay.

He was dressed like a woman.

The woman's name is Lucy.

I've got to get back to work.

No, but I said you've got the night off.

Let's go to Home Depot and build that and do that the ceiling fan and water on it. We we you and me

Oh, and you can't help you up, man

We're gonna sit up because I gotta get to work. We're gonna sell it. We're gonna go to Bentonville

You understand we're gonna go to Bentonville, baby. Okay. I've got to hang up

Okay, there's no offense, but I gotta get the don't hang up. Come on. You're offending me. Okay

Okay, I apologize for offending you.

I'm so offended.

Okay?

Don't offend me, please.

Damn it.

Any comments, Andy?

Did I agree with Walmart?

Yes.

You gotta love Walmart.

I guess he didn't have for a real long time.

He did.

He didn't want to hang up.

He's very polite.

Very, very polite gentleman, Andy.

And with that...

Surveillance, that means he was a killer.

Yeah.

Or he was way behind.

Do you think he's like the grocery manager?

I mean, well, for a slipper size, he'd probably...

Probably security.

Security?

Yeah.

Well, he's a pretty nice security guard.

He was surveilling the front.

He didn't believe me that I won the deed to the Walmart in an arm wrestling contest.

With Joe Walmart.

Joe Walmart.

The manager of the store, Joe Walmart.

Okay.

Well, Andy, that's the end of the show.

Would you like to say goodbye to everybody right now?

Goodbye, everybody.

Also, you know, I'll call.

Okay, good.

Okay.

Well, when you get your computer, you can, you know.

Yeah.

You can be on.

If it works out.

Hopefully.

If it sounds bad, I don't want to do it.

Okay.

Well, yeah.

If we're going to do it, we'll do it right.

Right.

Plan.

Okay.

All right.

Well, thank you, Andy, for coming in when you have.

It's been great.

Wow.

Great having you here, man.

And it will not be the same.

It will not be the same, I'm sure.

Everybody agrees, and we look forward to having you back on the show soon.

And everybody listen in tomorrow to Zolar at 10 p.m. Eastern, Zolar Vision.

I give them an 80% chance of showing up.

And Saturday, KDK probably won't do a show, but try to listen Saturday night, 10 p.m.

Eastern Standard Time.

Sunday's at 9 o'clock.

You may be able to hear a show by Sean Ward.

If not, then there's nothing.

Monday night nothing, Tuesday night nothing

and Wednesday night is KDK again at 10pm

Eastern and then you come back

here every Thursday night at 10pm Eastern

be sure to visit madhouselive.com

again that's

madhouselive.com and

pcuradio.com

I'd like to thank Clone Homegrown

for calling in, anybody else I should thank

Lonesome Loser for the phone

card and for the great numbers, I'd like to thank

everybody who submitted numbers

Pimp Slut, why did he do something

All that stuff.

Everybody who called in, which is nobody.

This is over, everybody.

We'll catch you next week, by the way.

I'll catch you next week.

I just gave it to her today.

It didn't even interrupt me.

Man, I can't kill a tree, man.

We're going to try to beat your butt, brother.

I'm going to have a threat.

What the fuck is this?

Man, you're gay, man.

What the fuck is this?

Herbert?

He don't have a dick.

Man, he scared me.

I don't know.

I didn't get my number.

I got your dirt, Andre.

laundry. I got your dirty laundry over here.

Yo, who is it? Oh, on my face.

In case they in your car. You like, you like it? Yeah.

I know a block number. I heard your whole conversation. Don't, don't make me call, call

the police. Yeah, I got you. I'm gonna blackmail you. I'm scared.

I'm a turkey ass motherfucker. What's your problem now?

Jive turkey, you bitch. You didn't hear it, boy.

You jive turkey motherfucker. Who, who, who the fuck you on? What's your name?

Man, you can show me a place where I'm about to come whoop some motherfucking ass

because I don't even know who the fuck you're talking about.

How much are you going to charge, you guy?

Pick somebody up over here to the taxi cab.

Man, this ain't no motherfucking taxi cab.

I'm coming to fuck somebody up.

I'm going to whoop your goddamn ass.

I can't get out of bed until you're in your goddamn mother.

What?

Your mother.

You motherfucking nigga, how you like that, you piece of shit?

I'm not a nigga.

You nigga motherfucker.

What?

Man, I'm a motherfucking 55 with a goddamn phone.

This is a white man that don't want to hear from no goddamn niggas calling me in the fuckin' middle of the night.

Listen, boy, listen, boy, listen, boy.

I'll show you a boy in a 12-gauge shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen, cracker.

I'm gonna have three letters.

Listen here, cracker. Listen here, cracker.

You got that, cracker?

I'll show you some fuckin' three-letter, motherfucker.

I'll see you here. I'll see you here.

Are you Michael Frazier?

Man, this ain't Michael Frazier, man. This is us with a white man.

Look, let me just ask you real quick.

First of all, why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you, you stupid bitch.

we would give you a couple of dollars though okay you ready i wish i was the governor just

pretend i'm sitting on your gas no problem okay i don't gotta go

yeah oh i gotta go please do wash your hands yeah

what kind of life you have where you have to do this stuff this is a very interesting radio you

have very interesting radio thing if you have that you know because like that's um it just

just shows me that you have like nothing going no i got plenty this is what we do man i do this

all the time i get lots of what you do like you know what i mean you talk stupid yeah yeah

people actually listen to this shit people everybody loves this shit not everybody because

anybody with a half a brain that i know don't anybody have a brain would listen to this show

instead of eating your shitty ass pizza how old are you 13 yeah fucking right you sound like you're

fucking 18 or 19 13 i said yeah right yes i was born 13 years ago last friday um hanging up and

and you better not call.

Do you have stripes in your underwear?

Do I have what?

Stripes in your underwear.

You are a sick fuck.

Come on, let me talk to your sister, man.

Be a pal.

No!

Have you ever seen your sister naked?

No!

I'll swing ya.

No, you're not having that

with your whole sex life.

Yes, I am.

You're gonna like it, too.

Thanks, baby.

Be sure to visit us online

at madhouselive.com.

Calls (12, 29 min of 1 h 27 min)

Transcript

Comments 0