2006-08-10 Show

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Yo.

Madhouse, baby.

What's up, everybody?

Fuck you all, too.

It is Madhouse Radio.

You're listening to the show.

We're here tonight, August the 10th.

Thursday night, it's 10-15pm

We're late as usual, casually late

And a very smart late

And here with me

Via satellite link up

We have a few important players here

Now first of all, I am very happy to announce

That returning to the Madhouse

After a long hiatus

Is none other than

Three time world soccer champion

Out of the Virgin Islands

The Milkman, what's up Milkman, how you doing man?

Hello Kito

How you doing there, book man?

I'm back from my national tour.

That's awesome.

You had a great time over there and on vacation talking to us?

Yeah, man.

I'll tell you what, man.

This whole Rascal Scooters Tour of the Nation is great, man.

You know, they had me on La Tour de France.

Okay, and you did well.

How'd you pull out?

What place?

Last place?

I did well, man.

I placed 1,000th.

1,000th out of 1,001?

Out of 900?

Imagine that.

Wow.

Wow, some people actually jumped in the race and beat you out to it.

Push core.

They broke the rotten jug of milk over my head in honey, man.

It was wonderful.

And thanks a lot for having me back.

Hey, man, it's great.

I sure missed all our friends out there.

Carlito, my brother, sure missed you.

My brother, Miermano, is back.

And then, of course, we also have tonight joining us from the great state of Texas.

We have Mr. Clone, homegrown, on the line with us tonight for the entire show.

Clone, what's up, man?

How you doing?

Not much, man

We're just here chilling out

And Clone, of course, is taking a bong rip

Living the dream

Phone homegrown

Fuck the police

Coming straight out the underground

That's how you sing that

Milkman, did you ever smoke bongs

Or were you more of a joint person

Back in the 60s

Well, actually, man

I was actually a steamroller type guy, man

I didn't waste nothing, man

And I wanted pure green ag, boy.

Okay, so you smoked out of glass pipes then?

Glass pipes mostly, yeah.

I never put with the bombs.

I want direct contact.

Okay.

Mind-blowing, tar-numbing, brain-cell-killing hits.

All right.

Awesome.

Well, I'm glad for you.

Amen.

Hey.

Also, Carlito, I love to do those little batter-ups.

They used to carry the little batter-ups.

They used to make them there a few years ago that looked like a cig.

man i drive through traffic with that little aluminum cig looking thing right by the top man

i was bold and stupid yeah you know i was in uh traffic when was it the other day and the car was

behind got to a red light and the car had those windows open and when we started going again i

could just smell the weed just pouring out like that just smelling the air i was like damn

a clone homegrown you got pulled over today on your way to purchase some weed actually didn't

you yeah i went to uh my buddy's house and they fucking got they got lucky and pulled me over

before i got fucking there and uh couldn't couldn't bust me for anything but tickets and

shit so all right good did they search your car or you just get pulled over for the uh

i just got pulled over and told told him i hate cops and he's like we're people too

and i'm like you know well you're people with a badge and i just don't like authority

and you can kiss my ass and he's like well i can't wait to see you again

yeah so yeah he's got a hit on on you you know that's sad man so what's the total your tickets

what exactly you get pulled over for how much are you looking at uh paying now to the man uh let me

look here man i hate tickets man you know i hate getting a ticket i hate getting pulled over by

the cops athena's here also forgot to mention athena little applause for uh for athena very

enthusiastic crowd we have here for athena hey athena yeah she says hi she has no mic on and

And this is our first show without Andy in the post-Andy era.

Milkman, any thoughts on Andy?

I know you guys were the best of friends.

Yeah, man.

I'll tell you, I'm going to miss my brother Andy, man.

I hope he's doing well.

And I look forward to him coming back as soon as possible, man.

Best wishes for Andy.

And he'll be missed, but I'm sure he'll be back and better fortunes to him.

Yeah.

So, dude, luckily for him, he's not flying.

I would hate to be flying right now.

Are you aware of what transpired today in the UK?

Yeah, man.

man. He'd be stuck in an airport probably right now.

You never know what's going to happen.

Hopefully he doesn't have any Gatorade on him.

Yeah, yeah.

Here's the thing that we're talking

about. I don't know if you people haven't heard

or we play the news at the beginning of the show.

That's a new feature. We're going to play the

CNN headline news or whatever

for like two minutes before the start of the show.

But yeah, here's what happened.

I guess there were 21

Muslim Asian men in

the UK who got arrested.

In connection, they were in the final stages of

I guess they were going to board either six to eight planes from Britain to the UK

and explode liquid explosive devices.

Is that what it is, Milkman?

I think so, right?

From what we're understanding.

Yeah, actually, they were devising Gatorade and baby formula bombs.

Yeah.

They stopped the actual breast milk bomb.

Yes, they did figure out how to do that.

They started going to the baby bomb bombs.

You know, they're just going to have to shove a bunch of thermite in some woman's vagina and just set it off at some point.

I don't know what else they could do at this point.

So you can't travel right now with any liquids.

You can't bring a bottle of water with you on the plane right now.

You know, here's what I'm seeing that's going to happen.

They said that they were going to detonate these things with iPods and stuff, iPods and disposable cameras.

So you probably won't be able to fly with your iPod anymore.

Well, actually, I had a friend that went to the airport today,

and she's one of the administrators here with the rest of the United States and the Virgin Islands.

But she went to go board the plane, and also, like most of these people with the newer cars,

got the remote control buttons, you know, to open the doors and turn on and off the security system.

Keyless entry for the remote.

Well, they're banning those.

You're not even allowed to take them into the plane.

you have to like leave that $250 door opener at the airport you can't even get on now ain't that

crazy yeah that is crazy it's like a whole fucking list that they have yeah yeah i'm talking about i

think it's something like uh no beverages no hair gel no uh shampoo no hand lotion no mouthwash no

mouthwash no gatorade bottles for sure you're probably yeah i don't know on the plane you got

Thank you, bro.

Yeah.

Man, I guess you got to chew gum.

I mean, it sucks because for me, a guy like me, I'm diabetic.

You know, I have to take meds, and they're liquid meds, and they have to stay cold.

They're actually, you know, they're in syringes and stuff.

And I can't get on the plane now with them unless I'm going to have to go through a lot of shit at the airport to get through it.

Well, I just have to pack it.

It has to stay cold.

You might stick somebody to death with a hypothermic uterine probable terrorist.

I'll pump them full of insulin.

That's what I'll do.

but uh regardless so that that's what's going on so yeah so andy's not here he's uh he's gone to

chicago he won't be joining us he might be joining us like milkman and clone here or online uh in

audio form only but that won't be for yeah we do miss andy we could call him the bastard doesn't

even have a cell phone he's on the road now he's driving so uh i won't be able to talk to him

he's a bastard well hopefully he gets his job and he won't be such a cheap bastard you know

anyway so that's that's time man he needs to get out of that during that during spaghetti shop and

get back in the truck driving world he's gonna be an air conditioning tech but we'll play this

for andy real quick here goodbye to andy forever on the show there goes andy driving away with his

pit bull who just got neutered and this is for this is also for his dog yeah oh yeah just like

Like National Lampoon's Family Vacation.

Yeah, with that suck of Ed, he stopped at a rest stop and tied Cap up to the old bumper

and just drove off with him, and he gets pulled over by a cop, just like Clone Homegrown did.

Everybody raise your Cap guns and salute.

Yeah, and this is for Cap, who lost his nuts last week.

Okay, that's enough.

That's for Cap's nuts.

That's his left one, and here's his right one.

Okay, we got that out of our system.

Milkman, is your cat neutered or spayed?

Earthdog's telling me to turn my mic up

Yes, sir

Yeah, turn it up

You can turn it up if you want

We can't hear you well

That's fine

So your cat is fixed then, Andy

All right

Not Andy, Milkman

Look at this

I'm messing up

No, my cat

No, she's not fixed, man

She's breedable

But she's way too small and wild for me, man

And Clone, he had his wife fixed

Which is a funny thing

Because they don't have any kids yet

Yeah

Yeah.

Obviously, Clone is not looking to spread his seed.

Very good.

Good for you.

So how about we go ahead and do a prank call here, gentlemen?

Not soon, anyway.

No.

Not soon.

All right.

Milkman, do you want to try to do a prank call, Milkman?

Hey, Carlito.

Yeah, what's up?

Yeah, Milkman.

I just was wondering, man, has Nunu sent in any juicy tidbits, Jack Fellini or any

of his other wonderful numbers he pulls in?

That's a good question, Milkman.

Very good question.

shit. Nunu has sent in a number

for a Fat Rights

Activist Conference.

Oh, shit. What?

A Fat Rights... Maybe Andy will be there.

Yeah. Man, see, times like

this. A Fat Rights

Activist Conference. Man,

they're called the NAFA.

N-A-A-F-A. Macaroni and cheese

now, Carlito.

So, I'm welcome in here.

I'll have to do John

the 482-pound man to call

these people. I love that voice.

Yeah, do the Fat Albert John guy, yeah.

Fat Albert, I'll just turn into Fat Albert, too.

Hey, hey, hey, all my life.

You'll mix it up.

Yeah, mix it up.

All right, so what do you think this stands for?

N-A-A-F-A, is that National Association for the Advancement of Fat Asses?

N-A-A-F-A?

Do you think it's fat advocacy or something?

I don't know.

Fat Americans.

Fat Americans, I thought Fat Americans.

How about 500-pound asses?

Five asses.

Wow.

So he's got the number here.

He says, find where the fatties are and then phone from the front desk and say there have been complaints from the people on the floor below them about a loud thudding sound from above.

Okay.

All the cheese was eaten on the floor and asked for Andy.

And asked for Andy.

Yeah.

Big Andy.

And he says, warn them about the weight limit for the rooms and accuse them of exceeding it.

That's funny.

So he's got me the names.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he's got big names of fat.

He's Carol Cullum.

Man, I wish there were pictures of these people.

Nunu, if there's pictures of these people online, I would like to see the fat people.

He probably does have them, too.

Nunu.

Yeah, Nunu, get us a website for these people.

Oh, okay.

He said the F.A. stands for Fat Acceptance.

So it's National Association for the Advancement of Fat Acceptance or something like that.

Fat Acceptance.

And they don't even say overweight or husky or something like that.

they just say fat they don't care like yeah we're fat fuck it what we're here that's good good for

them man good they don't even give you the cubs exactly yeah we're fat it's all women

francis white these are fat women names you're the fat woman names peggy that's a fat woman name

maryland is a fat woman name francis is definitely a fat woman and carol with an e at the end is

definitely a fat woman's name that's what the problem is if you name your kid a fat person

They have BHMs, you know.

BHMs?

I don't want to know.

What is that?

Big, hairy?

Okay, BBW for all you out there that don't know.

Big, beautiful woman.

Right.

And BHM are big, handsome men.

Oh, okay.

That's Milkman right there.

He's a big, handsome man, apparently.

Anyway.

Yeah.

Right.

Brown-eyed, handsome man.

Now we know what Milkman's into.

He knows all about the big, hairy men.

Big, handsome men.

Okay, so let's call that conference right quick.

Nobody's going to know our secret, Carlito.

You know they can't find out.

It's between us and us only.

So let's go ahead and call these people.

That's right.

Go ahead and call these people right now.

I wasn't listening.

Don't worry about it.

We're going to call somebody.

I think we'll be right back after this.

First prank of the night coming.

...in this room.

You're not available to take your call.

Your valid attendant number has not been specified.

Man.

Bitch.

Quit eating your cheese and answer the phone.

I know, right?

What's she doing? She's probably out partying.

We got a picture of the Carol Cullum lady.

You see this picture

cloned in Milkman?

Let me send you a link for it too. It's in the chat room

if you're in the chat room.

We didn't give out the information for the chat room

and the websites and the phone numbers and all that.

Put the chat room in, Carly. I want to get in there, man.

How do we get in there? Help us out.

I'll tell you all in a second, but real quick.

Carol Cullum and her

partner, Kathy Bream.

They're both holding

and embracing each other in this picture.

sure uh athena lesbians over here this screen we have three screens here in this one computer

carol column and her and her partner yeah now what does it say carrie column and in parentheses l

is does what does that mean libertarian or lesbian you see what says that probably lesbian

probably lesbian is you know how you know how like a senator will have um you know an r after

his name yo i forgot to take a yeah or a d clone i had you on mute on accident i'm sorry if you

said anything we didn't hear you i apologize um did you get that picture clone yeah did you get

did you get the picture of the fat lesbians yeah i got that thanks man okay i'm sure you okay well

if you need that you know what to do let's try to call her let's try to call her um yeah maybe

we get her to uh pick up let's see what i can play here real quick all right everybody we're

gonna try that again we'll be right back after this yes it is just call them hi my name is john

John Masters.

Yeah?

And I'm calling you from Over Eaters Weekly.

We do a radio show on the internet.

People who are overweight.

And we'd like to know if we could speak to you.

No, not right now.

You know you're an inspiration to all of us, man.

Why does it have to hang up the phone?

Jesus Christ.

Let me let my honey get her pepperoni out of my slot.

And then I'll take your interview.

Damn her, man.

Get up.

Damn her.

Yeah, her friend.

She said her shit got all in the way of it.

I like him.

Maddie's Kyle.

KDK says that he does Jake.

No.

KDK does Jill, everybody.

KDK does Jake, too.

KDK will do a Jake.

If you want KDK to do a Jake,

if any host on PC will do a Jake,

I say it would be KDK.

Do you agree with that, guys?

No comment?

I don't know.

I guess that would really be up to K-Bone.

K-Bone is not more of a whore than KDK.

Who do you think got the most play when they were younger,

KDK or K-Bone?

I think KDK did.

Damn, but...

KDK is a handsome man.

I don't know. I think KDK was pretty much a prowler.

KDK is a pretty handsome man.

I think he was quite the young, dashing gentleman.

Doesn't he have a kid?

Doesn't he have a daughter or something like that?

Yeah, he's got a daughter, man.

And, you know, he's got that famous backside picture.

Oh, the ass picture, yeah.

I swear to God, I saw it one time.

That's kind of creepy, actually.

It looked like a damn...

It looked like a damn girl's backside.

I freaked out, dude.

yeah well jake rosenthal in the chat room is saying that she didn't hang up she fainted

that's kind of funny she's that's why she says she couldn't talk she's like i can't

i stood up too fast no that'd be something i should call you know i should i'm just gonna

call the hotel say i just stood up too fast i'm having a diabetic coma my name is carol

cullum there's there's a guy named jason here too let's try we can try to call that guy jason too

Dude, hang on.

Let's do that.

Let's do a whole plan.

Let's try to get someone else.

Let's try to get Jason, I forget his name.

Let's switch from an interview to like you're just giving up your own life

and you need to talk to somebody for counseling.

Right.

Okay, Jason Doughterty, I believe this guy's name is.

We'll try him next.

The person in this room is not available to take your call.

Please leave a message after the tone.

The person in this room is fat.

I have this sound effect that needs to start playing on a show.

I have a lard ass here.

What is it now?

It's the operator saying the figures you're using to dial are too fat.

That's from The Simpsons.

It's really funny.

It's an old Simpsons.

I remember that.

I got to get that.

I'm going to play that for myself whenever I misdial a number.

I'll play that.

Fuck you, bitch.

I'm going to fuck up.

So, Milkman, what else is going on in the world that we can talk about real quick?

Well, actually, now besides this big bomb scare out there, you know, over here, we're having the International Coconut Tree Toss-A-Thon.

Okay, so what we do is we have all these guys climb up in the trees, girls included, and they see how far they can toss a coconut from one tree to the next.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

Coconut toss.

I thought that was a sexual thing for a second there.

You know, Athena, we need to invent the coconut toss.

work this weekend on a new sexual position.

I'm holding them.

Me and Athena are going to work on a new sexual

position this weekend, and we're going to call it the Coconut Toss.

I think it would involve the mouth.

Put on your hard hat.

We're going in.

Oh, man.

Yeah, I forgot to mention

here, if you want to get a hold of us

on the Madhouse, if you have a prank request

or a comment, you can

first of all, join the chat room by visiting

PCURadio.com

PCU as in prank call underground radio

PCURadio.com

You can also reach us at

MadhouseLive.com

Join the chat room

In either website

We'll take you to the chat room

And you can join us and 52 other people in the chat room

Right guys? A lot of people in the chat room

A lot of people talking

Very active

There's a few Saigons in there being negative as usual

Of course, nothing wrong with that

Nothing wrong with that

An angel dealer is asking me to call a Dunkin' Donuts guy and ask him about planes and shit.

I'm not about to call Dearborn, Michigan, talking about planes to a Muslim-owned business.

No, not right now.

Now is not the time.

We're going to edit that one.

Yeah, again, we're breaking enough laws around here.

I do illegal prank calls.

Milkman is into human trafficking.

Clone Homegrown is a pot dealer.

so um you know we want to try to keep the try to keep the law out of our i know i'm sorry i gave

you out i'm sorry no if we're not gonna go with the coconut toss we can maybe consider a donut

toss but you know no that's gay that's that's the gay version of the of the coconut toss you

call it the donut toss well i don't know maybe he's interested in that i don't know i don't know

i don't know maybe that's that's what uh that's what's going on in katie case house

Yeah, how do you do that, yo?

You know, Milkman, you've missed...

Have you heard any of those calls of the fuck you bitch motherfucker guy?

Are you familiar with this?

With your hiatus?

How long ago?

Oh, man, this has been...

I don't know what clone.

Like maybe two, three months now we've been calling this guy, I think?

I'd say about two months.

Probably that.

Yeah.

No, man, you're going to have to set me up, man.

I don't remember this one.

This must have come after I lost my internet connection.

This is him right here.

Listen.

Fuck you, bitch motherfucker.

That's him.

That's the first time I'm out of here.

He freaked out.

I mean, he like...

Really?

Yeah, he was like, fuck you, bitch motherfucker.

And then Andy got on the phone, called him back.

And they started fighting with each other.

And we've been calling him every week.

And he's like our long dog.

Are you sure that's not...

Are you sure that's not REC?

It's not DTT.

And it's not...

We thought it was DTT.

RECLUDE?

No, no, no.

It's a real guy, man.

We can call him.

You want to call him?

You know, you should talk to him.

We'll call him on Skype and you talk to him.

How's that?

I want you to talk to this guy.

I want you to ask him.

What are you badgering with?

Give me updates.

I kind of got an idea.

How about I do one, but I'll play the very first time we pranked him.

I'll play that for you so you can hear what we're talking about.

People have probably heard this before, but if not, just...

We're sending it up for Milkman, who's been missing.

So if this is your first time listening to the show, you can enjoy this also.

This guy, we thought he was an Indian at first.

So we called the first call Hostile Indian Donuts.

But apparently he's an Arab

Not an Indian

And we confirmed this last week

Two weeks ago we had a Muslim guy

In Britain that we prank called

And he was really cool

And we asked him to conference call with us

To him

Yeah

And they actually were speaking in Arabic and stuff

And I haven't isolated that yet

But I have it

I need to do that this weekend

But here's this one here

Listen

Your mom

Hello

Your mom

What's this?

Your mom

Go ahead

Are you still making donuts tonight?

Yeah.

How fresh is it?

Now, fresh.

Now fresh like your mom, right?

No, fuck your sister.

Fuck your mom?

Oh, yeah, come over here.

I'm going to show you.

Do you want to talk to your mom?

Fuck you, bitch, motherfucker.

Fuck you, stupid.

That was great.

Let me try to call him again.

Here's the call back.

Hello?

Hey, asshole, why'd you hang up on me?

Hello?

Yeah, hey.

Yes?

Someone just said the F word to me.

Yes, and you are?

Your mom.

My mom?

Yeah, she's right here.

Come down here and I'll show you who's mom I am.

I'll show you my sister, my mom, and I'll fuck you.

That's fine.

I'll punch you in the mouth.

Come down here and I'll show you who'll be fucking who by the time you get here, you little cock-sucking bitch.

If you weren't a faggot, you wouldn't call this lady a fuck-ass.

Hey, you don't talk to my boy like that.

I'll choke you.

What'd you say?

I said you don't talk to my boy like that.

You know who you sound like?

Yeah.

You sound like a bitch that just finished getting fucked in the ass.

Your mom?

No, that's not right, man.

I'll elbow you in the throat.

You sound like a white trash.

I'll take your thorax

and I'll wrap it around your skull.

How would you like that?

How would you like that? Your thorax around your skull,

buddy.

What'd you say?

That's what you said. You said,

Come suck my dick and tell me the flavor.

No way.

It tastes like your dad's asshole

And you're a faggot who fucks your dad.

And I'll elbow you in the skull.

Yeah.

Here's what you said.

Did it.

What'd you say?

You sound like a...

That's what you said.

You said, did it.

Right?

Loser.

Son of a bitch.

Did it.

You're a loser, bitch.

I hate you.

That's great.

So that was, yeah.

That was old.

I don't remember the first time we called him.

I'm looking at this.

It looks like it was in May.

May 18th was the first time we called him, actually.

according to the archives so we've been calling him for we're going on three months almost man

we called this guy every week we call this guy for the last three months and we god he's hilarious

i need to really i really need to like yeah i really need to get all his calls in one compilation

i think at this point i might be able to make a whole cd just calling him but um yeah milkman so

that's that's that guy so you want to try to talk to him maybe see if uh if he can uh if you can

string him along for a little bit since we got a new voice here and we're gonna try this on

on skype so we're gonna try this on skype and hopefully we don't know uh we called once and

i tried to get his name we're still working on confirming it he said sam okay so we had the

muslim guy call him back and ask for sam and he said no it's not sam i don't know if he was lying

you know because you know so i don't know if it's that sam he said in the past his name is sam

but he's also said that it's not that so i don't know what is what maybe it is sam i don't know

you'll know when it's him trust me you you'll know when it's him and if not i've asked like

Some guy, and I said, yeah, sure, hang on.

That was once.

I was trying to, I said, wait, what's his name?

Tell me his name, and the lady wouldn't tell me.

No, I won't tell you the name.

You know, I don't know, whatever.

So, if you want to reach us on AOL Instant Messenger, AOL Instant Messenger, you can reach us at Madhouse Radio.

Madhouse Radio on AOL Instant Messenger.

Yahoo Messenger, you can reach us at Madhouse PCU Radio.

Madhouse PCU Radio.

And you can also reach us on MSN Messenger at madhousepcuradio at hotmail.com.

And that's that.

So, Milkman, you want to try to call this Muslim guy, see if you can string him on.

And maybe we'll have Clone.

We'll have you do the next one if this works out, okay?

All right.

You guys sound excited.

I'm having a great show so far.

How are you guys doing?

Clone Holmgren, how are you doing so far with the show?

Yeah, man.

It's pretty cool.

I like the flow so far.

Okay, good.

Can we call you Clone? Can we call you CHG?

Because Clone Homegrown is...

What would you like to go by?

You can call me Clone.

Clone, okay. We'll go by Clone.

That's a little quicker than Clone Homegrown.

I'm just saying. It'll be easier in the tongue.

Cutting down.

Exactly.

It's called editing.

Editing down.

Very Japanese of us.

Okay, let's...

Milkman, you'll be taking this one.

I'm feeling Japanese, I really think so.

All right, I'll take this.

And it didn't work.

How do you dial numbers on this?

How do you do dial-up?

Do you do plus one and then the number?

Is that how it is, Cloned?

Yeah, plus one and then the number.

Then the number.

All right, let me try again.

It

doesn't work all the time for me and hopefully it does not skip too much

he hung up he hung up what a bastard he hung up did you know the skype do that your brother

to Abdullah. Oh, look at this shit. Here's what

just happened. Skype opened a window

in my browser after the call was over, asking

me how my call quality was. That's never happened

before. Well, that's something.

Well, you know what I'm thinking.

What version are you running?

I don't know. I don't know.

I never really use it, except

for the show. I tried once.

It's just really buggy. It's not buggy,

but I don't have a nice enough computer where it doesn't

cut out the stream.

Maybe in a few months. You know, I'm working

I'm working a part-time job, guys.

I'm working at Kmart again.

So, I hope we have some extra money around here.

I need to get...

We need to get...

What do we need, Milkman?

We need a sound...

Run that motherfucker in the dirt.

We need a phone patch for phone calls.

So, we don't have to do this Skype thing.

And we need...

I'm going to upgrade.

Yeah, we need a good mixing board or whatever.

I'm going to upgrade the...

I'm going to upgrade the Madhouse setup, man.

So, I look forward to better quality and some new and more innovative things.

Yes.

As you've always found here at the Madhouse.

From Gizmo to TeamSpeak, Skype, you name it, man.

We're going to go up.

So you're going to see more improvement.

Yes.

Excellent.

Angel Diller says his Arab fuck is so stupid they call him every Thursday and he still hasn't figured it out.

Well, at first he would actually take the phone off the hook.

There were a few times he would take the phone off the hook completely.

All Thursday night.

I remember that.

Because we would try him a few times and it would be busy the whole time.

But then every once in a while he slacks and he doesn't take it off the hook.

Me and Anti-Jug

You guys have called him?

We tracked down his number

And fucking gave him a call a couple times

Oh, you did?

Oh, you've been talking to him too

That's funny

He's getting harassed

Well, the time we had the

When we had the translator on

When we had the translator on two weeks ago

He was like going off

And you can make out him saying

Yeah, they called about the Visa card

Because I've called in about losing a debit card there

And I made him look for it

And when he came back

I gave him shit, you know

And

He was mentioning it back

And it was like

And he always calls, asks, I'm washing my hands.

I say, I'm washing my hands.

And he said, how's your mother and your mother over here?

Because I talk about his mom all the time.

Tell everybody to do that call card.

We did the Department of Foreign Hackers.

That guy got shit over his knees.

With Reclude, man, we gave that guy shit his pants thinking that this guy,

I don't know if you remember this clone or if you're around for it,

but this guy was hacking credit card numbers and stuff, and we found out about it.

And he was from some kind of Russian country or something like that.

monrovia or something yeah yeah so we called him to say we have we had proof that uh he had been

doing this and we're going to deport him and uh and uh he he shit his pants yeah moldovia that's

what it was but he freaked out he he shit his pants that was hilarious okay i got that it's a

little long man you call it from the russian embassy the russian embassy yeah vladimir vladimir

yeah because rickley calls him he's calling from the fbi and he's like yeah we might go to war over

He told the Cold War

Was about to start up again because of this

That the Russians were getting involved

Like you know

We were going back to World War 3 over some credit cards

And he freaked out

He freaking freaked out

That's some shit

We'll play that towards the end of the show

Yeah he is a moron

That guy

That guy was a trip

And that was submitted to us through Milkman right

I think wasn't it some guy

Yeah.

He was some guy that you knew internationally, right?

From Gizmo or something?

Yeah, right.

Actually, the guy in Moldovia was the guy that sent us the information and was ripping people off.

Yeah.

And this guy was still in the U.S., but he was using his connection, and he was working on dealing with Russian people.

Exactly.

So we had all the angles on him, and he really crapped himself.

Right.

And remember, we got a thank you call back from the guys from Moldovia, too.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, he did.

He came through on Gizmo.

I think he called us, right?

Didn't he get on somehow?

And he was, like, thanking us.

And that was cool.

Yeah, he came on Gizmo in a conference.

Yeah, that's right.

That was really cool.

He was really excited, too.

We made some...

Yeah, we got a lot of fans.

We got people from the UK that listened.

We got people from Australia.

A good guy.

Shit, yeah.

The guy in Guam.

Yeah, Guam.

That's right.

The Guam guy.

The driver was Excalibur.

No, that wasn't in Guam.

That was in L.A.

He was Samoan.

A Samoan that lived in L.A.

Close enough.

But no, we have a lot of international listeners.

Yeah.

Regardless, we're in the U.K. that called in.

Yeah, true.

True.

Canada.

We have had a few people from Canada.

All right.

Well, moving right along.

Who can we call next here?

I've got a bunch of numbers from Lonesome.

Let me go through them here real quickly.

We've got some Dairy Queens.

An old woman answered at a Dairy Queen.

We have international numbers here, by the way.

We have England.

We have Ireland.

The Stiff Kitten Pub in Ireland.

We've got that ready to go.

We've got some guy named David Dick.

We've got Margaret Cox.

We've got Ed Roach, Michael Roach, Graham Dyke, Wilfred Dyke.

The Dykes.

I talked to the Dykes last week, I think.

I think I talked to the Dykes last week.

I remember that.

I told them I was a big fan of his movies.

Kyle, you're from the Dick family, man.

Hair Dick.

Yeah.

Okay, let's try to call it the Stiff Kitten Pub.

This is in Ireland, anyway.

In Belfast County.

All right.

ireland uh excuse me and do your irish accent you do a pretty good one remember we called scotland

yeah no i don't do a good irish accent it's so bad it's more like yes you did you did a great

that lady was laughing her ass off how you doing dad i can't okay let me see if i can get in

yeah that's it character where's me fucking gold you leprechaun that's really good

my lucky charms all right hang on everybody that next call is coming right now

Kitten, how you doing, buddy?

Not too bad, who's this?

My name is Roberto.

Roberto.

I am a tourist.

I'm a tourist.

Guess where I'm from.

I'm guessing the States or Canada.

No, not Canada.

Canada.

No way, man.

I'm from the States.

Hey, let me ask you a question.

I'm kind of stuck here with this whole air problem, you know?

Uh-huh.

You know what happened, you know, today?

I haven't seen the news, but I heard there's a lot of...

There's a lot of shit going on, you know?

You think maybe you got some room over there that I can, you know, spend the night?

Oh, I can't right now. I'm about to close up and go home, to be honest.

Oh, but, you know, maybe I'll buy you some drinks.

Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. I need to, you know, I need to go home.

Well, what are you doing right now?

Can I, I don't, look, I don't have any money.

I'm going to be stuck here for like a week, and I'm out of money.

I mean, maybe give me a job, maybe cleaning bathrooms, or you hire?

Oh, we're actually...

No, but, but about tomorrow.

Boss? Are you the boss, or what do you do there?

I'm the boss, yeah.

You are? Are you the owner?

I'm not the owner.

Oh, okay, but you're, you hire people, right?

Sorry?

You hire people?

I am responsible for hiring, yeah.

Okay, well, let me tell you what I do.

I'm an overweight gentleman.

I weigh about 350 pounds.

I've been a bartender for the last three years,

and I've owned three of my own bars and even a restaurant, right?

Okay.

But you need my experience,

and I feel I'd be an asset to your organization,

and I hereby declare that I'm an employee of you,

and I'm on my way in right now for the uniform.

I do now, though.

We're talking on the phone.

No, you don't.

I didn't offer you a job.

Well, this is America.

Okay.

The island.

It's America.

If I'm here, it becomes American soil.

Okay, man.

Good night.

Well, this is how we give jobs in America.

All right, I guess he fired me already.

That's probably the shortest job I've ever had.

Wow, the stream is like...

Hey, Cloned, what's the shortest amount of time you've held a job for?

Probably two weeks.

All right.

My shortest tenure?

Six hours, I think.

I started there, and it was so miserable.

When you didn't go in, I quit.

Yeah.

Well, I didn't even quit.

You know what I did?

The thing was I was on unemployment, right?

And on unemployment, you can't refuse an offer to work.

If someone offers you a job and you refuse it and they find out, you lose your benefits, right?

So these people offered me this job, and it was paying shit, but I was like, I couldn't find a job, so I went.

I really didn't like it, and when they called me to come down to do my W-9, you know, the tax information so they could pay me,

and so the state would get proof that I was working there.

I told the lady, I need to go to the bathroom.

She's like, all right, sure.

And I took all the paperwork with me.

I had half filled it out.

I took it with me and I went to the bathroom and I was like, you know what?

I don't like this job or whatever.

So I just went to my car and I called her from the car and I was like, yeah,

I don't want to work there anymore.

And she's like, well, I mean, God, you left here 45 minutes ago.

I was beginning to think you fell in the bathroom.

And I was like, oh, well, I just don't think I'm going to do this.

She's like, well, can you please come back with the paperwork so we can pay you for the six hours you worked today?

Oh, yeah, sure.

I'm on my way back in, and I never came back.

Because had I done that paperwork and gotten paid, the state would have gotten proof that I refused the job, and I would have lost my benefits.

So I took the hit.

I was like, you know what?

Six hours, I really didn't do nothing.

But she kept calling me, like, every day for the next two weeks, like, why haven't you come back?

This and that.

We want to pay you.

And she's freaking out.

I hate it.

I can't stand it.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but apparently this place was, unbeknownst to me, it was a company that had some dirt on me for some credit that I owed or something like that.

Like they had been involved in it or something, and I was concerned, too, that they were going to find out through that.

So I was like, you know what?

I don't want to work there.

Anyway, so long story short, I held a job for six hours, and that was it.

That's my shortest.

Milkman, what about you?

What's the shortest amount of time you've held a job for?

Actually, the shortest has been about three months.

Three months?

Okay.

Most of them are in terms of years.

Yeah, but three months, yeah.

Okay.

So that was a layoff situation.

That really wasn't like a force out or a discharge or anything.

The job did suck, but I did work.

You know, Clone's got the nice setup.

You're an electrician, right, Clone?

Yeah.

Can you solder stuff?

Get the lights going on.

Can you solder stuff?

I was a plumber before.

yeah i can solder shit out of anything oh that's cool see that's a good skill to have i want to

learn how to solder because you can fix a lot of stuff all you need to know all you need to know

is how to do you know how to solder stuff milkman oh hell dude i was electronic technician for

years man and also i'm a plumber too man and i do copper fittings and you know sweat joints and all

that brazing wow see i don't know shit i know i know how to enter stuff in a in accounting i can

even weld a little you see that's awesome welding tooth i'm a welding inspector when you're an

an electrician you learn a lot of stuff man you get away with a lot of stuff hell yeah that's

awesome that's awesome but that's not me man i'll tell you what now the the best learning experience

i've had in a long time carlito is since you know i've been hired actually by you know the national

sponsor of rascal scooters and i've become into the design and also yeah of the new model of the

rascal scooters so i've learned about all the safety features and all the different implementation

Implementation of the gear changes and everything, man.

It was really fascinating, man.

Wow.

Jeez.

Angel Dealer.

See, now I got a Webster Implementation and all this.

Webster?

For the vocabularies?

Is that a little difficult for you?

Yeah, all these big words.

All these big words.

Anything more than three syllables, you know, Clone just tunes out automatically.

He's like, eh.

He's like, what?

What, man?

What was all these?

Fuck you guys.

Give me a damn hit and shut up, man.

I'm going to take another rip.

um rangel dealer says a buddy of his worked at a place for four hours he started it in the morning

and by the end of lunch the company folded it was during the dot-com era so damn that'd be

something right you get hired by a company and before lunch is over your first day the company

goes out of business so yeah thanks for coming in by the way a lot of companies did that kind

of shit back in early 2000 2001 sad sad thing that happened to the world over there anyway

way you're right there clone all right good living the dream blaze man that's how you do it i'm pretty

high too i didn't even i don't even know you want to you don't do anything you know you don't know

you didn't you guys didn't hear that carlito when you come down i'm gonna hook you up man

with some weed oh you know better now of course i gotta take care of you man listen man i got

All the way from Zion, this weed come from, my man.

See?

Your clone knows, even.

Yeah.

We need to get a hold of Great Scott, Milkman.

Now that you're back.

Try to get us Great Scott.

Because we need to record up.

Yeah, man.

He's actually on my list.

Let me see, man.

Yeah.

Try to get a hold of him on the off time or sometime.

time yeah i will i'll bring him back man yeah so he's away right now but he's on my list i guess

we have someone in the chat room from norway well that's kind of cool norway what's in norway

that's cool yeah tsnf ariok listening to us from norway we're in norway's europe what what's the

capital norway why don't i i don't know that's this is that one of the uh hang on hang on is

Is that one of those Finland and Norway?

Is that one of those three?

Not Copenhagen.

That's Denmark.

No, that's Scandinavia.

Scandinavia, yeah.

Oslo.

It's a quarter country.

That's awesome.

We are very international here.

We do international calls.

Yeah, those guys have like whole weeks of the year that they don't have any sunlight.

Yeah, that would be cool.

I love the dark and I love the cold.

I would love to live in Alaska.

No, man.

Let's go to Alaska.

We should do a show from Alaska, Athena.

Come on.

Hey, listen, man.

I got connections.

up there yes connections you got connections in alaska too yeah see clone does too look let's do

it man let's all save our money we'll go to we'll go to alaska we'll do a show in alaska

makes a serious money now yeah that's what i hear that's what i hear i know let me tell you

yeah let me tell you i was growing i was growing fucking weed in the trailer that was buried

and that was buried and there was like a fake tree yeah it was a fake tree entrance where was this

in Alaska?

Yeah,

I'm in the middle

of fucking nowhere.

Okay,

okay.

AK Thunderfuck,

baby.

Wow,

that's awesome.

Matanuskan Thunderfuck

is what it is,

actually.

Yeah,

and that's something.

I mean,

I saw once this thing

where this guy had built

like an underground house

almost,

the whole house.

I think it was

the whole basement

or something of the house

had a secret entrance

and it was all

sealed off

and he was like

growing weed in there

and stuff

and it was all like...

Well,

hey man,

when I used to work

for the power company

here...

Man,

all my friends

were guerrilla farmers,

bro.

No, but when I worked for the power company here, they showed us video of how they could find these houses where they grow stuff.

And what they do is they actually find out by looking at your power bill.

If there's a huge spike all of a sudden, like all this energy being wasted.

Yeah, the usage, it sets off an alarm.

And that's why you can use the material.

And then they get terrible after that.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's, they raided this house once.

The fuel thermals would get you in the long run.

Well, here's the thing.

They raided this house once.

Not if it's buried.

It was like a 4,000 square foot house

Okay

And they said every square foot

Had a plant in it

Except for one little path from the door

To the middle of the living room

Where the guy had a recliner

And like a little stand and a TV that he could watch

Yeah I believe that shit

Because my buddy had a fucking house

That's all he did in it was grow

He had fans on racks

That moved automatically

On the ceiling through the whole thing

he had a fire sprinkler system enrichment too bro yeah well he had a fire sprinkler system

omega garden.com omega garden.com god damn that's something so you're saying a clone that if you

were underground like you did with your trailer uh they can't see the thermal imaging is that

what it is it's it's a lot harder to see it especially during winter time because the

ground's frozen okay so they can't see the heat coming up so what do they do they they go is it

it by helicopters flying out i tell you guys you're not gonna believe the cameras they've got

now man yeah the company i used to work for had somebody

you won't believe the imaging man well you can see when somebody walked through a room man

their footsteps like as much as a half hour later no shit really that's some crap right there i'm

serious man that's some scary shit right there we had some high-tech clear i mean you had to

to have a u.s government permit to have this thing it was so sensitive that's that's man that's you

know it's it's almost not fair yeah that's what i'm saying fuck the police that's not right man

they can't be doing thermal imaging you know so they can just fly over in a helicopter from really

far away is that how they can do it or they have to do it from the street level hey they got right

to do anything they want now man welcome to the bush empire well clone how do they do it do they

do it from the air and the helicopter up texas first yeah he did fuck you guys up pretty bad

He fucked up your education system

Something nasty

And his brother did the same thing here in Florida

Our education system, our prison system

Our prison system isn't that bad here

He's an asshole

A douchebag

You know what I got a call today on my cell phone

I was at work on my cell phone

I got a call, Athena, listen to this

I got a call from the Democratic National Committee

Asking for donations

They were asking for donations

The guy said

said or we have a suggested amount for a donation to help us get control back of the house and our

suggested donation amount is 150 and i started to laugh and i was like yeah i don't like bush but

i'm not gonna part with 150 right now and it was like oh well don't don't that's that's the

suggested amount perhaps you can afford something like 100 or 75 i was like no i don't i don't think

i'm gonna i'm gonna do that so you know the democrats what they're 12 seats away from

getting control of the house apparently getting control bag of the house from the republicans

that'd be something they're gonna get it man i hope they do those guys are disgusting man

i can't wait milkman joe lieberman is uh joe lieberman lost the primary independent he's

running as an independent that's right um yeah yeah loser yeah you know i don't know he's he's

one democrat i don't like new post that's one democrat i don't like because uh joe lieberman

was all pro uh i love it man because you know joe lieberman he was pro uh that hair piece he wears

on his head man it gonna fall off man real soon all right milkman joe lieberman he uh he was all

for banning uh violent video games and censoring violent video games in the 90s and stuff him and

uh and al gore's wife tipper gore were all for that so i don't like him he's not that much he's

He's a very moderate liberal, you know what I mean?

I don't give a shit about all that, man.

But I don't like him because he's a sellout.

What if he runs for president and we have a Jew in charge?

You don't want that if he doesn't?

He won't make it.

Yeah, he won't make it as an independent.

That's no such thing.

Ross Perot is in our time the closest ever.

He's a opponent.

In our modern times, Jeb Bush is not going to run, man.

Man, he said continue so that he won't run.

He should.

He would win probably if he ran.

Jeff, Governor Doug.

No, he wouldn't.

He won't win.

I don't know.

He'll get all the mouth-breathing rednecks, man.

He'll get all the mouth-breathing rednecks behind him.

He's already got a soiled name, man.

I'm telling you, man.

This Christian freak-out political party they've gotten out is done, dug its hole.

Look at the gasoline prices.

Even the poor man, man, is starting to regret this.

Paying three damn dollars a gallon?

I can't do that, man.

And that's why one of the principal reasons I'm looking for a new job right now

is because it takes me so much money and gas to get to work and tolls right now

that it's insane.

And I've seen those.

Yeah, I work the first hour.

The second hour.

That's where you're broke all the time.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, the first two hours of my job are for the privilege of working.

You know?

That's exactly how it is.

This makes me feel like calling a damn gas station somewhere and seeing if we can get a deal, man.

You know, like, if we give them $100, man, you know, will they give us, you know, 500 gallons of gas, man, and a bag of weed?

Let's call a gas station.

10-4.

We had a gas station from last week.

Hang on, I'll be right back.

I need some agua.

Okay, man.

Good luck with that.

Clone Homegrown is going to take a shit right now.

And he'll be right back.

Nookman did you have a solid bowel movement

Your last bowel movement

Yeah actually man

When that sucker shot out man

It cracked the bowl man

Nice that's nice and solid

That's not safe

What color was it was it brown

Or was it like black

No actually it was really dark

Like brownish black man

It came out like a bullet man

Nice it cracked the whole porcelain

And water just shot up at you

Like a bidet

yeah it was like a bidet exactly carlos carlos i was just i was just right over top of it man

it's like rinsing my ass and shit you know man but luckily i was sitting on my rascal scooter

so i just did a bleach burnout and got the hell out of there you know i'd be i'd be intimidated

by a bidet i've never used one before i've seen one only once this is the same sanitary

clone do you ever in your days working in plumbing have you ever worked on a bidet in

in your days of working in plumbing?

Me no speak French.

Okay, so I guess

Clone never worked on a bidet either there.

He doesn't know what a bidet is.

Yeah, but...

Let me ask you a real quick...

That's a poop crust on that thing, man.

That's what I always would wonder, man.

Somebody gotta wash that damn crust

all over that damn little sprinkler system.

How do you spell bidet anyway?

Is it B-I-D-E-T?

Is that it?

Did it?

I think it's B-I-D-E-T.

B-I-D-E-T.

That's correct.

You know, you should Wikipedia it,

because that'll give you a picture

and the history of the bidet.

The bidet.

We should read the history of the bidet.

Wikipedia?

Wikipedia.

For all you hemorrhoid-loving people out there

that participate in the hemorrhoid-loving...

That's the bidet right there.

No longer do you have to spend those hard,

awkward hours at the sink

bent over with a sprinkler machine.

I guess we were buffering there for a second.

and I'm sorry, everybody.

I think I did something

that made the stream buffer.

I apologize.

Mad Man has a bidet

in his bathroom.

He drinks water out of it,

I heard.

Yeah, Mad Man,

just an alert.

Andy said...

Mad Man knows he's got a...

I think he sprinkles

his homegrown with it.

Yeah, go ahead.

Clone, go ahead.

Yeah, he does.

Clone, what are you

saying about him now?

Mad Man said he's got a...

He's got a bidet

in his bathroom

that never gets used.

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah.

He's used it at least once.

You know he used it once.

It's pretty much like a low-sitting water fountain for your ass after you take a shit.

So do you wipe if you have a bidet?

You still wipe, right?

Your arms, like, you swing them out.

No, that's what they're not made for wiping.

They're made to wash your damn ass.

Okay.

Your little arms, you can, like, swing them out from under the seat.

You know, you get an ass blast, and then, you know, you slide them back in, I guess.

But that's the way it does work.

So do you sit down on it

Or do you just crouch under it

Like a woman taking a shit in a public bathroom

No it's actually under the level of the seat

Okay so you just

And you just swing it out

Two little arms and they squirt up your ass

And wipe the shit off

And then you know you slide them back up under man

Isn't that cold though

I've seen them before but I mean

That's gotta be cold

I wonder if they got hot water and cold water

Yeah you gotta turn it to hot man

You gotta let it run for a little bit

Let that cold water get out

Let the hot water come out

Because if you're up north

You don't want that thing

Blasting your ass

Well Madman says

He's never used it

It's for old people

Do you know in Alaska

They say warm their toilet seats

They do

So it doesn't freeze

They use hot water

In their toilet seats

Yeah I guess it would have to

Hey

No I'm just fucking with you

Oh fuck

They put salt in it

What

Go ahead Milkman

What was that now

Let's have Lonesome Loser

Call up a

Give us a number

For a bidet hotline

Yeah

So we can find out

You know we got trouble

With our bidet

And see if we can help

Anybody come out

Or Paul Plummer, if he can come out and work on our bidet tonight.

Yeah, or maybe, yeah.

You got one of the arms stuck up your ass.

All right.

My old lady sat in it and cracked it.

Anyway, Madman, Andy's going to be, like, trying to get a hold of you or something once he makes it to Chicago.

Chicago.

I say Chicago wrong.

I always say Chicago.

It's Chicago.

I hate that fucking city.

Chi-town, baby.

When he gets to Chi-town, yeah, he's going to try to get a hold of you.

Just to let you know.

So, I don't know.

He said he's going to ask me for your phone number.

Give me permission to give your phone number to Andy so he can meet up with you, I guess.

You let me know.

If that's permissible, please.

And we should call.

We should do a prank here because we've been bullshitting for a little bit.

And tell him to beg a big gas bag of potato chips for Andy, man.

Yeah.

That's right.

I don't know if I have a 7-Eleven here.

Hang on.

Let me get the search.

I have the ability now to search every single number that Lonesome Loser sent me in the last year.

anything that any

actually any number

that anybody sent me

I can search it

so hang on

let me clear the search

new search

and we'll put in 7-11

7-11

really let me send you

9-1-1

we'll try that

yeah we'll try that one too

what was this

9-1-1

7-1-1

yeah right

I'm just in my hate

I'll call you back

whenever you're in jail

man

you like camels

or you like coos

cool

I like Newports man

Newport

baby

Newport nigga

Newport

quote. Okay, we got

7-Elevens. I mean, I like my Paul Miles,

man. We got 7-Elevens

in California here. Let's see.

We got some. I'm trying to find out where else

we have some. Fucking work, bitch.

Here we go. California

Pacific Coast Highway.

More Californias.

I don't have anything in Florida. That sucks.

Okay.

Hey, Madman said go ahead and hook up Andy.

Okay, good.

All right, when he calls me, when he makes it up there,

when he gets online, I'll let him know what your phone number is.

I have that.

Madman Rock.

There it is.

There's another beautiful relationship here introduced by PCU.

And he is a man.

He's a very good man and a strong Democrat and a good skater.

And he's a two-time champion poker player.

Phenomenal skater.

Yeah.

He's a professional poker player, everybody.

And he's a three-time blunt roller.

Yeah.

You're on the blunt roller of Detroit, nigga.

We got a call about the price of gas.

Look at your boy.

Yeah.

You want to try this one, Clone Homeground?

Is it an Arab, probably?

yeah sure yeah it's a 7-eleven in california we'll do escondido uh this was first confirmed

in november of 2005 and uh back then they had a latino guy who answered um this is an older

number here but i'm sure this 7-eleven is still a good number so i'll just fuck with him about gas

yeah exactly anywhere it is asking the price of gas and trying to negotiate it that's what you

should do definitely that's what you should yeah yeah listen here haji your cousin your cousins

Until I talk to them for months

Yeah, man

Okay, we'll be right back after this, folks

Yeah, Danny, how's it going, man?

Pretty good

Listen, how much is your gasoline?

Oh, we don't sell gasoline at this one

What?

We don't sell gasoline

Are you making all your money, man?

Yeah, sorry

Price against today?

Bastard hung up

He hung up

Oh, that's one of those gay 7-Elevens

That you can't buy gas in

They're actual stores

Well, fuck that, man

You know what's good, man

Yeah, I know.

That's fucking gay.

We want instant gasoline.

Dude, that's...

Add water.

I feel like they sell instant gasoline.

Yeah, clone, man.

Do you ever go to 7-Eleven

and you get their fucking Cuban sandwich, man?

You see, man, this sucks.

At this point in the show,

me and Andy will be talking about food.

No.

I miss that, man.

I miss talking about food.

Hey, Carlito's hungry.

Yeah, Carlito's hungry again, everybody.

Break out the mayonnaise.

Andy, what's up?

The damn bag was there.

What's up?

Yeah, here you go, Carlito.

Help me eat that since I can't hold it up, brother.

Yeah, let's make some sandwiches and shit.

Crusader says we should have...

Yeah, I'm going out to eat with my dad tomorrow.

You know what?

Crusader said he's got a good point.

We should have said that we bought gas at that place

and said that we want to complain because we're scammed.

He'd be like, ugh, I don't want to sell gas here.

My car's not running.

I don't want to eat.

I'll give you $20, buddy.

Let me try to call him real quick.

in the parking lot and yo can you turn the gas hey i can't find your gas pump man where's your

fucking gas pump dog i'm driving around the parking lot out here looking for it let's try

that right now black me in buddy

That sucks

I guess I ain't even

Going to answer the phone

I got a mouthful

Of expectations

Yeah I was

I had a great idea man

I was really going to

Call that guy

And just say

You know I can't

Find the gas pump

Call another one

Yeah well what are the chances

That I do have a gas pump

Hang on let's see

Let's see maybe

I don't know

That's the second one

I've called

In prank calls

And I haven't

Had one

Really

Yeah and there's a lot

Of 7-Elevens that are

You know just

Just storefront

That's it

They're just the storefront

Especially urban ones man

You're not going to get

Very many

Gasoline hot dogs

Oh man

Those hot dogs

Are the shit though man

They got the nice

They got nice hot dogs

At 7-Eleven

They got these

They got these things man

Like pepperoni

And dough

And there's like

Pepperoni sticks and shit

The taquitos

The taquitos man

Taquitos

The taquitos

From

The big old

Lape baby

Yeah

When all else fails

Hit a bowl of Fruit Loops

Bowl of Fruit Loops

Yeah you get milk there

You get your Fruit Loops

You know, you can get the Cuban sandwiches.

They're awesome.

Cereal is the greatest invention, man.

You get milk and food.

Yeah, and you get to drink the milk afterwards.

If you get the chocolate cereal, you get chocolate milk at the end of it.

I see.

Oh, yeah.

You know what I do?

I eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch, all right, and the milk that I have after the.

Okay, milk, man.

The milk that I got after eating the cereal, I put in my milk.

I put in my coffee, and that's what I lighten up my coffee with.

The milk that I ate

Cinnamon toast

Oh that's cute

It tastes really good

That's cute

That's

Okay

Clone is stoned

Stoned homegrown

Everybody

It's always stoned

Smoke weed every day

Stoned clone grown

Yeah

Every time you take a hit man

We're gonna play this for you

From now on

Smoke weed every day

Just like that

Stoned clone grown

Bone

Stoned bone

Stoned bone grown

Stone, burn, home.

Stone, phone, bone.

Snip it, plant it, dip it.

All alone.

Snip it, dip it, plant it, yeah.

I'd be too scared.

I'd be too paranoid and scared of someone.

Stone, stone, bone, stone.

Let's call someone else, man.

It's better.

It's more fun to grow it.

Yeah.

David Dick in Scotland.

Let's call a plumber, man.

We got a major bidet incident, man.

Your wife got a bidet stuck in her ash,

and we need to know how much you're going to come out

and charge us to get her removed.

Okay.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, just tell them that your hydroponic system is backing up.

Okay, yeah, let's do that.

Okay, here's a number from, let's see, this is confirmed on April 21st, 2006, the day after 420.

This is our Friday show that we did once, and it's called Triple A Plumbing.

Oh, yeah, 420.

Triple A Plumbing, actually, it's called Stinky Triple A Plumbing in California.

I have that.

that um so what do you what do you say this what what should this premise be milkman what do you

think something about with this bidet action okay either uh somebody got stuck on the bidet

something simple you know the bidet wasn't functioning properly or if you want to take

it to this this homegrown action that you're using it as an irrigation system and you can't

get it shut off you know milkman you want to take this one it's your turn we'll do it in turn so now

i did mine last and you can do this one now all right all right actually it is my turn but

But, anyway, you try the plumbing one, and I'll try the 7-Eleven again later.

Because we know for a fact that he does not have a pump.

All right.

But, yeah.

Did we call the Muslim guy?

What happened with the Muslim guy?

We got through to him, right?

He hung up or something?

What happened?

Yeah, he hung up, man.

I'm high, and I forgot.

He gave us about three sentences, huh?

Oh, huh, and click.

Uh-huh, huh.

Fuck you, bitch motherfucker.

And that was it.

That's all we got out of him.

Fuck you, bitch motherfucker.

Your mama.

Your mom.

Okay, so AAA plumbing it is.

uh this one goes out to all right this one goes out to all the people riding dirty tonight

my clone was okay whatever you guys are doing there sounds like a gay foreigner

hello good night somebody's help here an urgent problem ma'am this is uh this is really

embarrassing i'm interested to talk about is there somebody can come emergency call for me

me tonight uh yes there is not immediately but we can do it she's to rescue people

it's going to suggest because we don't do that sir you have to call emergency is is there any

way i could just get you to stop the water at least so i could get emergency in there i mean

it's flooding my bathroom um yeah you'd have to call emergency they would know how to do that i

just don't have the personnel i'm sorry how long would it be until somebody could be available

Could it be in the morning?

Probably tomorrow morning, yeah.

Well, you can't leave her there all night.

That's the problem.

Our basement's going to flood.

It's already got a foot of water in it now.

I mean, we've tried everything, and I can't get the valve to shut off.

Right.

I don't want people to find out.

$750.

This is really bad.

I mean, I don't want people to find out about this.

With the Carlisle family, and I can ask it out, I'll pay you $1,000.

No, sir.

Call 911.

But, ma'am, you understand.

She's in the...

She's...

She's around the base of the toilet, you know, where the...

I'm afraid she's going to fall through the...

Please, work with us.

A thousand dollars.

Come on, that sets this thing off.

Call 911.

Okay, now, if I call 911, though, they're still not going to be able to do any plumbing work.

You let us know when they get to work.

Look, ma'am, I'll pay you.

This makes the case that this is going to ruin our image around the community.

No, sir.

Call 911.

There's somebody...

I will dial 911.

$100.

no

I don't

call 911

okay now listen

alright

it's over

oh my god

that buffered really bad

we can't do Skype calls

it was funny

it was funny as hell

you know

the call was funny as hell

I don't know

I don't know if it got saved or not

but

that's a

that's a funny as hell call

but yeah

can't

can't do Skype calls

sorry guys

that's right

we're gonna have to

I apologize

everybody who had to

heard that skip

it was a great call

Oh, I didn't realize it until the last minute.

Why am I still playing that?

She could hear those farts, too.

She's a trooper.

Yeah, I can't see.

She definitely is a trooper.

I can't flush in the toilet, too, over here.

That was funny.

Yeah.

So, anyway, I'm very sorry, guys, about the skipping of the stream.

But, well, that was worth it in the long run.

You will understand.

Way to go, Carlito.

Yeah, that was very good.

Okay, let me go ahead and kill Skype, then.

No more Skype.

Let me put this browser over here.

Have you used Gizmo lately?

No, that's crap.

I thought I was in it.

No, you're...

What?

Skype.

I thought I was the Skype...

The Skype tard?

The Skype fucking guinea pig.

Yeah, you were.

It just uses too much bandwidth, apparently.

That's the problem.

That's the problem with it.

I don't know.

Like, Lego uses it a lot, but he's got a lot of bandwidth.

He's got more bandwidth than NASA.

How do you get me all this thing?

Okay.

Milkman.

He uses it.

Milkman calls over, dude.

Relax.

So, it is now 11.38.

That wasn't me, man.

That was the woman.

It is now 11.38 on Thursday the 10th.

I think it's time for a break here.

What do you think, guys?

Take it quick.

Make me a sandwich.

Yeah.

Athena, have we got any fried chicken left?

We got fried chicken here still.

We got fried chicken, guys.

We got fried chicken, guys, so we're going to do some fried chicken.

I'll take a fried chicken sandwich with some Tabasco.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you know, I got this, what's this pepper?

Scotch bonnet pepper.

milkman that's that's a caribbean thing right scotch bonnet pepper that's what we use down

here west indies brother hell yeah man yeah i got some of that here that stuff is powerful

i got a bottle of right here i do too i'm gonna use that my chicken i think i'm salivating now

yeah you're just thinking about that stuff just makes it kind of doesn't it doesn't it just do

that to you it kind of just makes you want to can you hear me i use the big words salivate

see clone home groom is up to three syllables at a time look at that you heard that milkman

Man, congratulations.

Go out to...

Come on.

That's great.

The thing is, he forgot by the time you reached him.

Yes.

What did you say?

That's right.

Very well put.

Who's that?

Is that in my head or what?

I don't know.

What's in your head?

Whatever.

Okay, guys, we're going to take a break.

Rage and shit.

Nothing you heard and nothing.

We're going to take a break.

That's what I say.

And the clone, hang on.

We'll be right back.

It's 1139 Eastern.

Eastern, 830 down the West Coast.

It's Carlito, the Milkman, Clone Homegrown, Madhouse Radio.

We'll be right back after this.

That piece of shit up there, I never liked.

I never trusted.

For all I know, he had me set up.

He had my friend Angel Fernandez killed.

I hear.

Radio will be back right after this.

Smell some weed.

No, you're not having no, you know, sex.

Yes, I am.

You're going to like it, too.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Which guy was this?

Whose voice is that?

Is that Fred?

Aw, you said it was over.

No, don't put him on.

Hello, Fred.

Hi.

And we're back.

Thank you, everybody, for still.

Got a lot of listeners tonight.

Got a lot of excitement tonight.

We're back.

Clown's like, what are we doing, man?

Imagine that.

Clown's wasted.

Athena's drinking wine.

I'm drinking beer.

Milkman, what are you?

Are you drinking anything tonight, Milkman?

Or you got to work tomorrow, right?

I don't care.

I got to work tomorrow.

I'm eating ice cream, baby.

Yeah, I got to work in five hours.

Milkman's eating ice cream.

I am drinking beer and smoking regs.

And Clone is hitting the bong.

Athena's drinking wine.

And he's got water.

Hey, do you have the number for the real Pasquale anymore?

Well, here's the thing.

I got the number for...

Ooh, the one that we called the first time.

Oh, man.

It's somewhere around here.

can you move that glass of wine let me see if i can find his number i think i have it here somewhere

athena look for an envelope over here that has a number this is pasquale i don't know i don't know

if i can find it it's a short notice that'd be great that is a classic the real pasquale that's

something i can't search that's something i had on my own yeah the original what about the what

about the one girl the whore man the black the black hoe man we used to call nautica and her

Her name was Nautica, and she's like, Nautica, Nautica, we used to call her Nautica, like,

on purpose, because we knew it was wrong, and she'd get pissed off, she's like, first

of all, my name ain't Nautica, it's Nautica, oh man, Nautica, it's Nautica, it's like the

perfume, motherfucker, I could find that in ten seconds, Nautica, I got Nautica headbands,

I got Nautica shoes, the last time we called her was November 3rd of last year, and she

She said that she was out of the business.

She said she was out of the business.

Like a zebra loses its stripes.

Yeah, exactly.

She probably degraded back to it.

Alright, let's try to call her. Hang on, everybody.

What do you mean? Probably for her,

that's a step up.

What did we call him?

Naughty Go.

She disconnected her number.

Pasquale?

No, Pasquale disconnected his...

I don't have Pasquale's number. I can't find it.

I'll have to get it next week.

That was Nautica we were trying to call

Nautica

I'll tell you what

I'd love to hear Bruno Vega call

Bruno Vega

Yeah, you know, Reclute, he called into KDK last week

I think he said he was coming back or something

Or said he was talking about it or thinking about coming back

I don't know, I honestly think I did

I've been really busy

So I haven't heard KDK's recent shows

But I could have sworn I heard Reclute on Saturday night

Saying he was going to come back to PCU

Hey, Reclute

Just for your information, Reklut is more burnt out and more over-smoked than even Clone

Homegrown.

He's changed.

He left his woman.

His woman's gone.

He left his woman.

Yeah, he did.

I'm trying to get a hold of Zolar.

I'm going to smoke a fucking nutter.

Okay, you do that real quick, and here's Cloned smoking another.

Blazing, man.

Smoke weed every day.

There you go.

Rip.

Nice.

Clone Homegrown again, like I said, living the dream.

Athena, what's the...

I'm going to give Zolar the number here to call in so he can tell us what happened on Sirius.

Hang on.

Oh, yay, Zolar.

Milkman, talk about Zolar real quick.

My old buddy Zolar.

Milkman, entertain the people.

Give them a brief intro about what Zolar is while we try to find the new home phone number here so we can give it to Zolar so he can call in.

Well, I'll tell you what.

My old friend Zolar, man, I'm a longtime fan, man.

Zolar has had one of the most innovative shows ever on PCU.

Zolar brought video to PCU.

Zolar's initial concept was live streaming video to accompany his calls with entertaining guests, skanks, freaks, everything, man.

It was a wonderful skint.

I really look forward one day to maybe Zolar to pick out one good night and do one wild-ass more Zolar Vision show.

I'm always a longtime fan of Zolar and always miss and love him.

and I really look forward to hearing from him again soon

when he takes her away, Carly.

That's right.

Bring him back.

Indeed, we will.

I just gave Zolar the new phone number here

for Madhouse Studios.

He didn't have it.

He didn't have the new number.

He was trying to call the old number, he said,

and he kept getting a busy signal

because, of course, it's not connected.

That's what was happening.

So Zolar has been trying to call him.

That's a VF.

Oh.

Yes.

What's his status now with the Stern Show?

The Stern Show?

It's on Sirius.

Sirius is doing good.

Maybe he'll give me an update.

Maybe he...

No, Zolar.

He did the roundtable tonight.

He was on the channel tonight.

Oh, good.

I'm looking forward to an update from Zolar.

He got into a fight with one of the other guys, Joey Boots.

He got into a fight with Joey Boots, and apparently he got kind of ugly.

And I only heard half.

I was taking my nap.

I woke up for the very end, and I heard Zolar at the very end say, you know, Zolar.com.

That's all I heard because I was actually taking a nap, and I woke up as the show was ending.

So I didn't get to hear everything.

Well, Zolar punked his ass, and he probably deserved it.

Well, I spoke to KDKA, and he gave me the go-ahead to replay the roundtable in its entirety at 1.30 a.m.

So we're going to end the show tonight at 1.30 a.m. for that to go on.

Joop says he wants to do a show after Carlito.

If he were to do that, I guess he'd have to start at 2.30.

I guess Joop might do a show.

I don't know if it's going to stay out that late.

But I don't know.

Let's let Zolar call in first.

If he does call in.

I don't know if he got my message.

I wonder if the phone's even...

Zolar, you have been paid.

Please report to Madhouse Control.

Call in on the secret code line.

I gave him the number.

We'll see if it happens.

If not, maybe he's taking a shit or something.

Zolar.

Zolar it is.

So Joop's in.

What up?

He called me a nigger bitch.

That's good.

Thank you.

We're very well here.

Thank you.

All us nigger bitches are doing great.

Share the love, Joop.

Joop is on occasionally on Saturdays.

I'm fine.

Thank you.

Yeah, Joob is on occasionally here with his retard night, right?

Joob's retard night.

Monkey Phone's retard night.

Is that what it is?

Is he still doing the Monkey Bone show?

Yeah, he's still doing it.

It's not a regular night.

He does it once a week, but on different nights.

I haven't heard it in weeks.

He used to do the Monkey Bone job show like on, what, Saturdays, right?

Yeah, it's a rotating show.

Hey, Zolar is calling in.

Hang on, folks.

Yay!

Madhouse Radio, you're on the air.

It's the Madhouse. Yes, it's the Madhouse, everybody. It's the Madhouse.

What's up, man? How you doing?

I'm a ball of fucking energy, and you all sound like you're fucking out there in the backwoods with fucking milk, man.

Yeah, we're having a good old time here, man.

You're too laid back to me, man. You understand? I like shit when it fucking pops.

Okay. Well, that's you. That's you. You pop us up on Friday. Thursday, I kind of smooth things down a little bit,

Get us ready to reflect for the weekend coming up

And you knock it out of the park

And then KDK comes all over it on Saturday night

He comes all over

He jizzes all over that face

You are suavemente, Papi

Yes, very suavemente

Alright, so here's the deal

I wanted to listen to the round table

I've been really tired

I went to take a nap

And I didn't wake up until the very end

When I heard you say

The shout out with the website

I missed it

What happened exactly with you and Joey Boots?

Well, if you haven't heard it, it'd probably be best for everybody to hear it themselves

and give me their feedback, because I'm not quite sure.

I feel some kind of hatred or maybe even cock-blocking on his part,

where he doesn't want me to look good or maybe even progress any further with the Superfan Roundtable.

Okay.

I feel. That's my personal feeling towards it.

Do you think there's some animosity on the part of some people?

Yeah, I feel as if personally, Joey Booth.

I don't know about anyone else.

I know much on my side.

And what was coming from Joey Booth seemed to be an animosity,

an abrasiveness, a non-team player's attitude.

Okay, so what happened?

You just argued with the guy?

Was he rude to you and you called him out?

What happened exactly?

Are we allowed to know?

Well, again, like, you'd have to listen to it.

He was kind of, as I say, abrasive, is the best way to put it, in speaking with me.

And then, of course, you know, I called him whatever, like, you know, a fucking fat piece of shit.

Oh, you didn't like my story?

I'm sorry I couldn't tell a good story like you got fucked in your ass.

Right.

Okay.

You know what I mean?

I'm a loud mouth, and I don't give a shit if you sit right next to me.

I'll fucking step right up.

Okay.

Good.

Fair enough.

Okay.

So, do you want me to...

I have the ability to replay it.

Let me test to see if the hookup's ready.

But it's going to replay at 1.30 a.m., that's correct?

That's funny, it does, actually.

Okay, and if you're here right now,

I can put Sirius on just like this.

Then...

See, that's Sirius.

So, I have the ability to replay it at the end of my show

at 1.30 for everybody to hear,

unless you want to play it on your own tomorrow,

you can do that as well.

No, it would be terrific.

You know, I was just, you know,

starting to listen to it.

I have it downloaded now from Torrent's site, and instead, you know, fucking, I'll be looking forward to hearing people's opinions on it when I get on on Friday.

At least they'll have heard it already, and I don't have to go through the whole thing.

Okay, fair enough.

So I'll play that tonight at 1.30, and you can get the feedback from people, and you can even go in the chat room if you're up still and see what people tell you about it in there.

Yeah, and because, like, I'm kind of befuddled in a way.

You know, like, I'm not the type of guy who fucking just lashes out at people, you know,

randomly because fucking I don't like them.

I do it for comedic value.

Right, and that's what you're there for.

That's the point, is to entertain people, damn it.

Right, but he seems vindictive in a way, as if he had an ulterior motive.

Yeah, it's just a bunch of drama stuff, you know, probably just...

Well, if your faithful listeners, if they would write into Sirius

and say how they enjoyed the show with Zolar on it

and they felt that Joey was abrupt, abrasive.

Use your own words, of course,

so it doesn't all sound like the same email.

Right.

Then I'm sure they'll get the point.

Yeah, exactly.

Send your feedback to the...

And that email, again, is...

What is it?

Sternshow at what?

At howardstern.com.

Sternshow at howardstern.com, right?

And then you could also, you know,

look up the email to, you know,

like Sirius...

Like the Sirius News.

I'm sure Earthdog would provide

the best email avenues.

Howard100 News.

Go on SternFatNetwork also.

Right, right.

Post about it.

I mean, who the fuck is this fat fucking half a faggot to fucking get, you know, abrasive towards me?

I still have a junior account on Stern Fat Network.

I'm still working on getting past the 30 posts so I can become a full-fledged member in there.

Yeah, knock those fucking out, man.

You could do that in like 10 minutes by just writing exactly, I believe that, I don't agree with this, in different posts.

Right.

That's what I started doing at work today, but I didn't have enough time.

Hey, let me ask you real quick.

Something that's plaguing me.

I mean, do you know the title of the jazzy theme that Howard used to play

at the start of his show back, like, in 97?

Right now, it eludes me, and I wouldn't know the name,

but I'd be able to fucking...

Do you know the beat of it?

How's it go?

It had a saxophone.

fun and went da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da yeah yeah no not

up end but i wish i could help you with that i know how things on the tip of my tongue

always bother me yeah it's been um it's been in my head you gotta remember that i when

i used to listen to howard when i was in high school i would wake up in the morning at

six o'clock and i would always be playing when my alarm went off and stuff so i i spent

like three years waking up to that song and now it's been in my head and i i want to

find a copy of it i'd like to play it on the show but i have no idea and then they

had a trivia contest tonight like where the listeners were able to call in and we take their

call and they they uh ask the round table a trivia question now prior to the retaking the phone calls

in the commercial we were all saying you know what about like how our trivia skills was and joey was

like oh man i'm afraid i'm gonna look bad i'm not gonna know any answers so thinking this i i

immediately fucking blurted out before people even fucking got through the questions because that's

The kind of fan I am

You know

And all of a sudden

Joey takes a nude

Oh what are we doing

Having a race here

Yeah

I'm not gonna let anybody else answer

And I was like

Hey

In the commercial fucking guy

You were saying you didn't know any answers

I'm trying to save your ass

Yeah

Fucking chill out man

Not even on the area right

You said it was a commercial

Yeah yeah

What a ass

He's looking for

For

to puff his chest out,

make himself look like he's bigger than...

Yeah, well, you know what it is?

He's the moderator on that fucking SFN

So you can't fucking say anything bad

So everybody kisses his ass over that

Did anybody talk about Gary's dad dying?

I understood that happened yesterday, was it?

Or the day before?

No, no, it happened on the 4th

And damn it, I meant to

I was going to write that on my hand

To put my condolences out there

And I fucking forgot

You forgot it?

Nobody said anything at all about it on the show

Oh, man

That's sad

That was fucking total faux pas on my point

Because I fucking wanted to make sure

I said something about that

Right

They should have at least brought it up real quick and said, you know, condolences from Sternfeld.

I would have thought Mutt would have done that.

That's weird.

Yeah.

Maybe they didn't want to.

Maybe they told him not to.

Maybe they just thought, you know, to let Gary handle it when he came in on Monday instead of...

Yeah.

Yeah, that's probably what it was.

Yeah, maybe if they didn't mention it, because they're not that fucking stupid.

They don't have much, you know, that they missed over there.

So, you know, they did it on purpose, probably, you know?

Yeah.

No, that's good.

But then again, if they didn't want it mentioned, they might have said, hey, don't mention the passing of Gary's father.

that we don't want to go with any of that.

Right, okay, fair enough.

I don't know.

You want to do a prank call?

Totally, dude.

Okay, let me tell you what I got here.

I've got people in England and...

I have fucking foreigners.

You do?

Okay, we've got Scotland.

We've got a Margaret Cox in Scotland.

I was listening to you earlier

and you had somebody from the Netherlands?

Netherlands is listening.

No, Norway.

Norway is listening.

In the chat room.

Mm-hmm.

Nice.

I wish I could get some fucking foreigners.

I'm sure you can.

I don't think I have any foreigners.

As a matter of fact, I'm going to ask on my next show.

Yeah, we're back up on Shoutcast.

Well, you've got to realize we're back on Shoutcast.

It's a search thing.

That's how he found us.

They're starting to find us again internationally and all over the place.

New people are starting to show up.

I like that.

We got that fixed finally.

It goes off sometimes.

And let me say hello to Andy, by the way.

Andy, he's not here.

He's gone.

Yeah, his last show was last week.

He moved away to Chicago.

Oh, right, right.

That was fucking Clone Homegrown you had on.

Yes, that's right.

He's got two monkeys filling his shoes.

He's got two monkeys filling his shoes, he said.

Clone says, we got Milkman and Clone Homegrown on the satellite link up.

They can hear you, but you can't hear them.

Oh, I see.

Well, can you translate for me one time for Milkman?

I have a question.

Okay, go ahead.

All right, well, I mean, I know you can hear me, but you'll have to give me the reply.

but is there any job out there that he hasn't had a part of

and knows something back completely intricate about?

Milkman, did you get that?

Is Milkman even there?

No, try it again, please.

He's usually slow in response.

Yeah, try it again real quick.

All right, Milkman, is there any job out there that you haven't had part in

that maybe you have intricate design details?

Is there anything out there that we can touch on that you don't have any knowledge of?

Well, actually, yes, it'd be running a homosexual prostitution house.

I know about the wheelchair thing.

What's that one?

The rascal scooters.

He loves the rascal scooters.

He's got the inside scoop on all the intricate designs, and I'm really impressed.

Yeah, all the hookups.

He tricks out his rascal scooter, too.

He could build one by scratch.

Yeah.

We're going to call Edward Roach.

We're calling Edward Roach, and he's in Scotland.

I'm his little son, Cocka.

Okay, Cocka Roach.

This is your son, Cocka Roach.

He's in Glasgow, Scotland.

We've got two Roaches that live there.

Glasgow.

Glasgow, however you pronounce it.

Okay, everybody, Zola with a prank call coming up right after this.

Yay, it is.

Sweet.

Yay.

Oh, where is Michael?

Speaking.

Oh, how are you doing?

It's me from New York.

It's your relative.

I'm trying to get in touch with all of you guys.

I'm going to take a trip out that way.

So, who are you?

I'm a relative from the United States.

My last name is Roach, too.

And I'm trying to get in touch with some of my distant relatives that I haven't met before

because I'm going to be doing a little bit of an excursion.

And I'd like to, you know, come by and get some pictures and say hello

and meet some people from across the pond and things of that nature.

Who is this?

My name is Kaka.

Are you Michael?

Who is this?

I'm from the United States.

I'm sorry to, you know, spring it on you,

but I'm trying to make arrangements when I'll be traveling through your area.

My last name is Roach.

First name's Kaka, from the United States.

Yeah, that's really hilariously funny.

Oh, you did find that humorous.

I see, because, you know, us in the United States don't know if we have the same sense of humor

as the guys from where you're located.

Aw.

Aw, asshole.

Fuck that guy.

Bitty.

Oh, well, it wasn't as funny as I thought it'd be.

It was still good.

It's nice to get that.

Hang on, let me throw him out here.

That's very funny.

Once you know I get up at four in the morning, what the hell's wrong with her?

She continues to do a good show as usual, and I'll be looking forward to hearing the replies of whatever happens on that roundtable,

because I'm not sure being there how it really turned out.

Right, okay, no problem.

So we're going to replay that at 1.30, and you're going to be on tomorrow night for a follow-up on that?

No, that's the whole problem.

and I'm going to be out tomorrow night.

I'm going to be on next Friday.

That's why I would like for people to send their fucking thoughts

into Sirius Satellite Radio or the Howard Stern Show.

Okay, okay, got it.

Because I really feel like, you know, like maybe I've misinterpreted it.

If everybody feels the same way I do, then I know how to respond next time.

Okay, I got you.

Because I think I was a little soft on him.

I mean, I did become, you know, like agitated and all that

and put him in his place.

But I have other things that will make him feel sorry he ever fucking picked on me

And discredit him completely

Are you going to be on again?

Are you concerned you're not going to be invited back after the whole fart thing?

No, well the fart thing has passed

And then I went on and I said one of the hosts sucked so bad of another show

That his grandmother should get hit by a bus and die

And I thought they'd never bring me back

And now they got me back again tonight

So it's an ongoing process of how bad I can be

Before they actually never bring me back

Okay, I got you.

Well, keep pushing the buttons.

Maybe you'll just make enough of a stink that we'll be forced to do something with you over there.

Zola, I can't see how they got, you know, people like Riley Martin doing shows

when they should totally give you a show, you know?

Well, you know what?

Riley Martin's delusional, and it's fun to make fun of the retarded.

Yeah, I guess so.

You know, they see me as too much of, like, a level-headed person,

and they feel as if they'd have to deal with me in negotiations and stuff like that,

and they don't want to have a part of me.

But, you know, these people are totally losing out.

If they put a prank call show on Sirius, it would be awesome.

But what's the stumbling block?

They can't do that, can they?

Well, no.

You know why?

Because you can't tell people.

I mean, you can't put people on the air without telling them that they're lying on the air first.

Exactly.

Yeah, because we had a local station here that used to do prank calls a lot.

Like half of every Friday night show, they would do a prank call thing.

And they got to the point where they had to actually say, you're on the air.

And they kept doing it for a while, but a lot of people would just hang up when they'd hear that.

Right, right, right.

And if you could try and disguise it somehow, you know, it's still not the same.

But what I want to do is I want to, like, you know, bring in some pre-recorded pranks,

you know, the best of my prank phone calls from the past,

continue to do ones in the future, all pre-recorded, and get permission for them,

and also have, like, people send in their prank phone calls and do a show like that.

Exactly.

Yeah, like a prank call show, like one hour where you play a few prank calls and you talk about them.

Right.

I think that would go over well.

We need to work on that.

And I think it will bring in a younger crowd for them

because right now they have a lot of business people subscribing to Sirius

and they're not getting the 18-year-olds who are not really sure if they want to buy it.

You've got to get something that's going to grab them by the nuts.

Zolar's hottest prank is all pics.

All right, dude.

All right, man.

Be listening here on the side.

Okay, my friend.

You take care of yourself.

We'll catch you here soon, man.

Everybody go to Zolar.com.

Zolar.com.

Peace out, Zolar.

Bye-bye, Carter.

Much love.

Bye-bye now.

Yay, Zolar!

Zolar, host of the ever-controversial Zolar Vision.

A lot of applause for Zolar.

Zolar rocks.

Yes, he does.

Yes, he does, everybody.

So, Jupe confirmed.

That was the standing O, wasn't it?

Yeah, this is the standing O right here.

That's the standing O.

I'm going to make this soundboard available for people to check out.

I've got a soundboard that I have with all the sound effects that he's on the show.

I'm going to have to post that.

Actually, I think it's up there already.

I just don't link it, but it's posted on my website.

site i'll link that maybe tonight or tomorrow tomorrow night or something like that for people

to check it out who cares who cares about my soundboard it's a shitty soundboard but earth

dog on the ball earth dog has sent me already the uh that song that i was talking to zola about

he's he's on the ball that's that's fucking awesome so we got that here herb is the man

yeah earth dog is the man i'm gonna download that we'll listen to that after the show

um katie k is posting information long dong song what long dong you did a long dong rap man you

You've got to hear it, man.

Tom and Son is freaking funny.

Yeah, that sounds cool.

All right.

He sent me another song for music.

I heard it on the special KDK show.

Yeah.

Okay, I had to hear that.

I've been out of the loop, like I always say.

I've been really busy.

I'm working that part-time job, and every night I work until late.

I'm getting no sleep.

I had to take a nap today to do tonight's show, and I'm drinking coffee.

I probably won't be able to go to sleep later.

Wah.

I had to drink coffee.

Wah.

Yeah, so we have to do, we have to stay on the air for another hour and 18 minutes.

So we've got to make it good.

gentlemen oh yeah yeah we got to stay on until 1 30 until the uh the replay hour and 18 minutes

that's nothing that's nothing we can do that we can do that everybody we can do that like

far out like three bowls yeah times like this i wish i had the uh the toll-free line working

and it's down for another two weeks man right now we're gonna take a call from what the hell

happened the toll-free line time is i haven't been able to pay it i'll be able to pay it in

about three weeks in about two weeks so once that once i get my first paycheck here this new

new job let's stop driving yeah well it's all the driving that's you know i can't afford all the

time to pay for stuff and i had to reduce my finances this month the budget i can man no

fuck that i just need to find a new job got back on the toll i need to find a new job that pays me

what i used to make you know what i should be paid for the type of work i do and i'm working

on that right now i'm interviewing and applying every day at all the new jobs that get posted

it online and through the newspaper

and trying to find a new job and stuff.

Maybe I should cut down smoking

weed. Of course, in this wonderful Bush

economy, Carlos,

you're going to get the

pay, but you're going to get the accompanying

bullshit with it. Yes, sir.

That's correct. If I could pass a

drug test, I'd be able to fucking work anywhere.

Yeah, but you do

pretty well. You know, electricians make good money, man.

You kind of get a flexible

schedule and you can show up on

your own. Do you work

Do you work on new construction and stuff, or do you work in houses that are already built and stuff?

You know what I mean?

Like actual problems.

It's new construction.

All new construction.

So you don't have to deal with customers or nothing.

You get contracted out there, huh?

No, you got to deal with fucking bullshit city people.

Inspectors and shit?

Yeah, that sucks.

I hate inspectors.

Yeah, they're a bunch of inspectors.

City people?

Where's he at, Carlito?

You're in Houston or just outside of Houston?

How does it work for you, Clone?

Dallas.

Oh, Texas, man.

I got a lot of butt down here from Houston, you know, man.

Good old Texas.

Let me tell you something about them cows.

You go tipping about them bitches at midnight times.

You got any Mexican friends, clone?

Don't y'all now shit in my $55 hat now.

You got a lot of Mexican friends?

You got a few Mexican friends?

Yeah, I got a few, man.

What you need?

You say, eh? You say, eh.

Okay, here's a song rapped on Ward if I get to him for a few seconds.

Okay, it should be coming through right now.

You see, if we ask you to skip sound while I sound normal,

I can't get that open thing up on me at all.

It's funny because it's probably doing it right now.

We got three seconds, two seconds, one second.

Okay, no shaking. Congratulations.

You made it through that little crisis right there.

Okay, good.

Let's do a call here before we do that next...

Before we play that long dong rap song, apparently.

We got Brother's Porky Pine Bar and Grill.

Let's try to call it.

You know what I want to call this?

One time I called the Steam Donkey.

That place is funny, too.

I think it was called the Steam Donkey.

I'm going to try to find it.

Steam Donkey.

What the fuck?

Who would eat there?

Well, I called asking for an actual Steam Donkey.

Like, I asked how much I sold it by the pound.

This was back on June 8th.

How much is your steamed ass?

Yeah.

Can I have some hot ass?

I want an older hot ass.

Well, I told them that I was in Iraq, and I used to eat steamed donkey.

That's all the meat we had for a while when we did the invasion.

And that I needed, I wanted to.

I think I remember that call.

Yeah, and the lady's like, no, we don't sell.

That's just the name of the restaurant.

We don't actually sell donkey meat.

I was like, oh, I've got this great recipe for donkey meat if you want it.

Yeah, let's try to call them.

Let me get this call.

I don't know who we can call here.

There's one song I wanted to play here, and I can't find it.

Man, crappiness

Let me spit a few

Yeah, you're gonna spit a few

Here it is, we haven't played in a while

Oh yeah, you introduced me a while

Hopefully, you got to do a half-half minute tonight

Sometime we need the beers

Okay, sure, you got it

What happened to Saigon?

Donkey?

Hello, is this the steam donkey?

Hello, who is this?

My name is John

John Masters, how are you?

I'm good, how are you?

What can I do for you?

Do you do catering now?

We do camping

Catering, catering

Catering?

Yes

You know, person to call

She's home right now, but if you call tomorrow between 9 and 5, ask for Lori at 9 to 5.

She's the manager.

You said her name is Lori?

Lori, yeah.

And so what time are you open tonight?

The office is open from 9 to 5.

Now, are you still seating people for dinner?

No.

Do you have any food that's left over that I can have?

No, I do not.

Do you have any donkey left?

Nope.

You know, I haven't had donkey since I go to Iowa.

Yeah, I have to go.

Now, do you have any steamed donkey for sale?

how much is it

for the pound

I'm Phil Donkey

and if you have

any more questions

call Lori

thank you very much

how old is Lori

he's got a little

stupid hosier

what a hosier

that wasn't that good

that was okay

if you have any more

questions call Lori

Jesus call Lori

I love John Masters

John Masters

the 482 pound man

everybody

yeah

with Masters

in his mouth

yeah

that's

that's one of the

two voices

that I do these days

we got Eddie Garcia

and John Masters

and that's all I got

that's all I got

me and John Masters

went to school

together

but you got

I should call people

Sam

you got Jerry Serge

off there

from England

or from Russia

right

Soviet Union

yeah

Vladimir

oh Vladimir

that's right

and I do a good

Muslim voice apparently

which I haven't done

in a long time

yeah

and you do the

leprechaun too

man

you do the leprechaun

yeah

we used to do that

at midnight

night every night clone homegrown before your time that was we called it the asshat hour and we play

that yeah yeah it is all you aspiring terrorists out there may your asshat rot in jail and your

dirty turban be wrapped around your ass dirty ass turban let's try to call what was the 7-eleven now

that we were uh we were trying to call earlier i was going to call about the gas pump can't find

Find the gas pump.

L.A. or somewhere.

Or was it?

What's today's date?

Was it today?

No, it wasn't from today.

Hang on.

You pulled it up out of the search.

Yeah, I did.

I did, and I'm trying to find it now.

What city?

Escondido.

Here we are.

We found it.

Okay, I got it.

I got it, everybody.

We'll call that right now.

Hang on, folks.

Damn, that sucks.

They got their number off the hook

Apparently

Bastards

Well let's try another one

We haven't called the Hawaiian Walmart

No we haven't

Who else have we called here in the past

Good calls that we've had in the past year

When we were doing this show

I still love the one where we called the casino

Bing bing bing bing bing

I left my little buckle off in my bag

And my sister on top of the machine

Yeah yeah

Yeah, I left my insulin on the machine that goes bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

He's like, you know the one?

He's like, uh, no.

That's like every single machine in that damn place.

That's an old favorite thing.

Yeah, that's an old classic one.

I love that one.

Yeah, we're having a good time.

This is good.

Clone, Milkman, Carlito here, Madhouse Radio.

Clone, how do you feel so far tonight?

How are you feeling?

This is great.

Yeah, as long as we stay away from Skype, we don't buffer.

And I don't know.

You know what we could do?

if you ever want to do

if you ever want to do a prank

all you have to do

is just call

call the number here

and I'll put you on

and do a prank

just mute your mic over there

and call in over here

on the phone

and we'll connect to you

Milkman you can do

the same thing too

man from now on

yeah I got you

you heard Milkman

same thing

you know if you ever

want to do a prank

you just call the house

here

call the number here

and we'll put you on

we'll do a prank

you just call in

if you want to do a prank

you guys just tell me

and call in

that's how the thing

works here now

on the Madhouse Radio

the new version of it

post Andy

Andy Aaron.

And yeah, there it is.

I'm trying to bullshit here.

We're at 1224 a.m. right now.

Salute to you, Andy, wherever you are.

Wherever you are, God bless you, sir.

And he's probably in...

This song goes out to Andy right here.

And we'll do the next prank call.

Whoa, too loud.

This song is for Andy.

Andy, wherever you're at, I hope your panties are wet.

Yes.

We hope you're keeping your asshole tight.

We're going to call a different 7-Eleven now.

How you doing?

I need some help, man.

I'm trying to find your gas pump.

Huh?

I'm trying to find your gas pump.

I don't know, my friend.

Where's your gas pump at?

My friend, my friend, my friend.

How does he know he's my friend?

I don't get these people.

Everybody's friend until they're blowing themselves up in the bus seat next to you.

Yeah, everybody's friends now.

Look what happened to Zolar.

He had to beat up some Muslim guy.

I'm sure he was like my friend, my friend until he sniffed that fucking muffin and Zolar had to kick his ass in the Starbucks.

That's some crazy shit, man.

These Muslims, man.

What the hell is this all about, trying to blow up planes and stuff, man?

Come on.

I'm going to cut you up with my butter knife, Zolar.

No, do not.

I'm going to...

Maybe they just take a ticket for it.

I can do all over it.

I'm going to blow up the plane with a bottle of Gatorade.

Fuck, man.

You really think...

I don't think they would have pulled it off.

What if they would have pulled it off, man?

How would they explain it?

How about a cream cheese bagel?

Well, listen, man.

Listen how it is.

You get six or eight planes out over the Atlantic Ocean.

Okay, and you explode them out there in the middle between, you know, the U.K. and the states.

You know how long it's going to take for...

We're going to kill some fish.

We're going to kill a bunch of fish.

How do you rescue people from that?

I mean, no one's going to survive, but, you know, they're going to call it a rescue operation.

How are they going to do that?

They don't.

They're shark food.

Yeah.

You know, in the middle of the Atlantic, you know, it's going to take so long for choppers.

You're going to have to move in a carrier out there.

I don't know what the hell you do, and all the evidence is going to say...

Like an oil rig?

Yeah.

I mean, do you know all the evidence is going to sink in the water?

How are you going to find out how the plant exploded?

You're probably not going to find out.

You know, you're not going to be able to trace the explosives that were in it

because it's all going to be logged with saltwater.

I mean, it's impossible.

That would have been so horrible, man.

That would have been something.

You know, all those people dead.

We've already had 9-11, so we can't have another disaster.

Baby bottle milk.

They averted it.

How many people on one of those plants, you think, Milkman?

About 100 people when they're full?

Wow, 757, more than that.

Yeah, because, you know, they usually pack those planes that do that trip.

as full as they can they're always packed right i think a 757 is like the or an aerobus

is one of the small is the smallest plane that flies that long a trip because they've got such

a big tank so yeah 757 767 aerobus lowest couple hundred people bro so lowest case scenario let's

say lowest case scenario they they hijack six you know they're saying between six and ten planes

let's say they hijacked six and a hundred people on each one if it was at least a thousand people

at least at least six hundred people if not over you know a thousand some people how many people

died in 9-11 two thousand was it one thousand something or two thousand something i forgot

uh twenty five hundred something twenty five hundred so that'd be like you know half of a

9-11 right there just about that's only the ones they knew about but all the bums and all the

rummies and everything just turned into dust you know yeah they'll never be counted for that's

Well, that's what I'm saying.

Well, then how many claims?

The official count was 2,500.

Yeah, that's people who were reported missing and all that.

You know what I mean?

Like people that someone said, yeah, so-and-so was there and didn't come back.

You know, after a month, you knew, okay, he's not coming back.

He or she's not coming back.

Anyway, depressing enough.

It wasn't the Manhattan Project.

No, it was not the Manhattan Project.

Anyway, so let's do another call here.

It's 1230 right now.

We got another hour to go here.

You can do it.

If not, then I can just play something

I got plenty of shit I can play here

To take up some time

It's going to be kind of late

I'm going to end the show at 1

And then I'll play something until 1.30

And then Sirius will come back in

Deal? You guys okay with that?

We're on the show in about a half hour

Alright, we'll give it about a half hour

I'll play some pranks and stuff like that

We'll play some stuff for you guys to listen to

Until Zolar kicks in on his appearance

On the Sirius Howard 101 roundtable

Are you going to play the Long Dong song?

Yes, we have that, Milkman.

Very good call.

Thank you for reminding me, sir.

Oh, yeah.

Very good.

Very good man.

Send you ahead.

You're around here for something.

And you're going to play the Stern, old-time Stern song.

The, uh, I don't know if we're going to play that.

I've got the link here.

I'm going to, probably going to save that for next week.

Yeah, like, you know what the song is.

Okay, this is the Long Dong rap you say, huh?

Hang on.

So are you, fuckers.

You're wrong.

Fuck it, he fucked.

That was pretty.

I've called Long Dong once.

Yay.

Rocked.

I've got to...

Listen to this.

We haven't played this.

This is something that hasn't been played since it was made, I would say, about nine months ago.

I have one call that I ever did long dong.

It's 28 seconds long.

Huh?

Dong dong.

Who are you?

Who are you, Mr. Dong?

Long dong, long dong.

This is Carlito.

Hey, calm down.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Calm down.

Hey, no, you listen.

You listen.

Hey.

Huh?

Shut up.

old man. You shut up over there.

Zipperhead, listen to me. Oh my god.

He just beat the shit out of his phone. He's so angry.

That's the one time I've called him.

Right there. I only called him once.

That was a great call.

He's an interesting guy. That was classic.

He is an interesting guy.

He's like, Corito,

Corito. What did he say? International

man. Did he say something like international man?

You're international man.

Tell me what, 10 seconds? Play it again.

Alright, let's see what he said.

I'll try to find it. Hang on.

Hey, calm down.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, calm down.

Hey, no, you listen.

You listen.

International Bigger.

We fatter up.

International Bigger?

What does he say?

They call me International Nigger.

Some shit.

International Bigger.

We fatter up.

International Bigger.

I need to get that for the show.

Huh?

International Bigger.

We fatter up.

Oh, it gets someone interrupts it.

I think Milkman did.

Shut up.

Shut up, old man.

Okay, that's enough of that.

All right.

Where are we here, music lovers?

So we're calling somebody.

I'm high, man.

I'm still high.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

Let's call...

I don't have any tickets, man.

I'm pissed off.

Did you total that?

How much are you spending on the tickets again?

I'm sorry.

Did you say that already?

I don't know.

I'm going to have to see a judge.

How many tickets did you get?

Two.

For what?

Speeding?

No, one was registration and one was no insurance.

That sucks.

So you get a register for the registration thing here in Florida, man.

They'll definitely search your car if you get a registration.

Yeah, they don't do it here.

Yeah, Florida, man, if you have an expired registration, they take you away on, like, $500 bail.

Most people usually get bailed out.

Yeah, fuck.

Yeah, it sucks.

And it happens quite a bit.

I drove on a suspended license for, like, a whole year, dude.

I mean, I had to.

I had no choice.

I had to work, and I had a suspended license.

Oh, yeah, this was, like, fucking since February.

Yeah, wow.

That's a long time.

But, yeah, my license got suspended.

I drove on it, and I got pulled over, and the cop let me go.

Yo, he could have sent me to jail.

Most people get sent to jail for that.

He pulled me over and he let me go.

Because I flat out denied that I had to pay the ticket.

I told him, no, I paid that ticket.

I paid that ticket.

I know I paid that ticket.

I told him.

Look, man, is that your mating call?

No, I think you got blue lights in your rearview mirror there, man.

Look in your rearview mirror.

You got blue lights going up on you right now.

That's what the cop would do to me.

Shoot my ass, nigga.

There you go.

There we go.

Oh, dead man.

No doubt.

No doubt, Mr. Carlito.

How you doing there?

Fuck the motherfucking police.

Fuck the police.

Coming straight out.

I got that song here.

Hang on.

We'll play that for you.

That seems to be...

I got fuck police brutality.

I got...

Oh, here we get the sound effect here, too.

If I can get this shit to work.

Jeez.

Oh, here we go.

Okay.

Well, we're going to call Brothers Porcupine Bar and Grill.

This is in Minnesota.

And we'll be right back with that prank call right after this.

Here we go.

One thing's very clear, the trend is on your part to focus.

There's a load to be on the back of my car, boo-boo.

Yeah, how you doing, sir?

Pretty good.

Good.

Sir, still open, correct?

Pardon?

Still open?

Until what time?

Until about another hour or so?

Yep.

Okay, do you have any hamburgers there?

No.

What do you serve?

What am I supposed to do, drink?

I guess.

Can you fry me some french fries, man?

Come on.

Okay.

You will?

I can't cook food.

I'm just a bartender.

You got a microwave there you guys use?

You'll find out real quick if I can bring in my Lean Cuisine

And I'll come down and I'll tip you well

Alright, I'll be right here

Oh girl, promise of that prank call I forgot

Homosexual bartender

Oh yeah, I was going to call as Fat Albert

I forgot

Oops, my bad

Hey, call Fat Albert's restaurant

Yeah, let's call Fat Albert's

I have a Fat Albert call

I did recently too, man

You missed the Fat Albert call

Fat Albert sucks

Hey, hey, hey

Fat Albert

Which one was it

Fat Albert's food

Here we go

Fat Albert's

Hamburgers

Pizza

And deli

This is the one

That I'm going to call

That's the one from before

We'll be right back

With that prank call folks

Hang on

Well that didn't work

So we're going to try to call

The hobo cam

What happened there

Nobody answered

So we're calling the hobo cam

We're calling Mr. Slaughter

I took a big hit

How you doing, man?

Good to know.

Got any room?

Charging?

You looking for a beach space?

Just need a place to sleep tonight, man.

My wife kicked me out of the house.

Is this a...

Yeah, well, I got a...

I got an RV.

You have an RV?

Yeah, I wanted to see if I could park it over there.

It's, um...

It's my wife.

She's cheating on me with this guy.

It's his RV, and I took it out of my driveway.

My driveway, when I came home from work tonight,

and his RV, and he was doing his way with my old lady.

So I went ahead and I stole his RV. I didn't steal it. It was on my property, so it's mine.

My name is John Rastles. I've been here in Lowtown for quite some time.

And like I said, my wife of 13 years cheated on me and took the guy's RV.

It was on my property, and it's wine-flatting good.

I never drove one of these things before, and it's really hard to turn.

I need a phone and a reading or a hot dog in the other hand.

But, I mean, do you have any suggestions on how I can get to your place over there?

And how much are you going to charge me to stay overnight?

night. I don't think you ought to come out here, John, with a stolen RV. No, it's not stolen. It was

on my property, you see. It's mine. It's mine for a square. John, I think you might just better go

somewhere else. You can't refuse my service. Come on, aren't you a Christian? That's everybody.

That's John Masters. Fattest man on PC radio right here. Only on KDK. Only on, I should say,

Only on Madhouse Radio

Get it right

Madhouse Radio

That's who we are

That's who we are here

Madhouse Radio

Milkman

Carlito Milkman

And Clone Homegrown

Tonight coming to you

Having a great show tonight

We got about another

14 minutes left here

Live from the rust afar

From the rust afar

That's right

We got about another

14 minutes here

I need to get ready

With the pranks

That I'm going to be playing

Dude I don't know

Honestly I don't know

What pranks I'm going to play

I might not even play any pranks, honestly.

I think I might just let the rotation take over until 1.30.

Then I'll play the whole thing at 1.30.

Whatever.

You know what I mean?

I'll play the series replay at 1.30.

But I will not subject anybody to a half hour of prank calls.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We hear you.

You hear me, guys.

All right?

Milkman, you understand that?

Yes, sir.

Okay.

Let's try one more prank call before we call it a night.

Let's see what I can call over here.

Nice.

Nice one, Milkman.

We'll call, um, we'll call this Fat Albert's Food and Drink instead.

Maybe this one will work.

Madman said he sent you a number.

He said he sent you an Emily number.

Oh, you know what?

Yeah, Madman always has good numbers.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm going to call that.

A chick that ripped him off in, uh, 40 bucks or something.

Okay.

Just pranking the shit out of her.

Her sister, anyway.

Your current balance will allow you to talk for

3 hours, 7 minutes, 33 seconds.

Actual minutes may vary per the terms printed on your card or posters.

Okay, so this guy has been, uh...

Okay, madman got ripped off by this chick, $40.

...on the way from my phone.

If you leave me a detailed message with your phone number, I'll get...

She, uh, she sounds like a cunt.

She sounds like a cunt, honestly.

So I don't blame it.

I don't deny that she would do something like that.

Yeah, man.

She was a cool bitch, though.

She took it.

You're not gonna do shit to my sister.

Yeah.

This is here now, man.

Yeah.

Oh, man, I gotta stand up right quick.

because my ass is killing me, man.

Head rush, head rush.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

I wish I could keep going to 130,

but the wind is leaving my sails real quickly.

Milkman with a net,

Clone Homegrown with a net.

Dude, man, I got to work

in about three and a half hours.

Yeah, you know what it means?

I got a little sleep.

I got to work until 11 o'clock tomorrow night.

Smoke weed every day.

And I start work at eight.

Yeah, like a 15-hour shift tomorrow.

I'm leaving home at seven o'clock in the morning.

I won't get home until like midnight tomorrow.

tomorrow that's why i roll these days man and and and i have to be and then i have to be at work

saturday morning at six o'clock in the morning and um i won't get home until like 11 and sunday

i work at night also i start working at three i don't have a day off until that's a motherfucker

yeah i don't have a day off without working that i know of coming up at all that i know for sure

uh tuesday is the next day that i don't have to work two jobs i only work my regular job on

tuesday i'll have the evening to myself so it sucks man but i gotta do what i gotta do i need

money man you know times are tough we gotta work those two jobs try to do better i'm trying to buy

some extra stuff trying to buy a new computer for the show and i need to get the ac fix in my car

because it's like 100 degrees out here in florida and i have no ac it's bad madman there's one more

okay carlito one more he says and he sends me a number for some dude named

named Josh, she went up to their apartments to get...

I think this was the guy.

Okay, he just called them and he answered.

She went up to their apartment to get...

You had the bing, bing, bing call.

The bing, bing, bing call?

The casino calls?

You know what, let me...

Okay, let me...

You know what, I can play a half-hour block of pranks.

Let's just do that.

And then, so I guess if Plant and I were going to finish...

It's still at 130, man.

Say fuck it.

Fuck it.

We're going to bullshit a lot, apparently.

We'll play pranks, but we'll stay on and we'll comment on them, alright?

We'll do that, too.

Well, let's call Madman's number here right quick.

Let's call Madman's number Josh.

Let's call Madman's number.

That's where this bitch went who stole his 40 bucks, all right?

So we'll do that now.

Oh, shit.

I'm going to hook him up with a nice crank.

Yeah.

Chinese fun, I like so much.

I don't know.

Hello.

Hey, what's up, man?

Yo, who is this?

I need to speak with Emily.

My name is John Masters.

Who?

John Masters.

Emily, come on, put Emily on, man.

I don't know an Emily.

Where's Josh at?

Where's Josh?

My boy, Josh.

I need to talk to Josh.

Josh, who are you?

Fuckin', I'm Gary, dude.

This is my telephone.

Nigga, where's Josh?

Nigga, I don't know who the fuck you are.

What'd you call me?

Call me white boy?

What'd you call me, white boy?

Fuck off, what the fuck?

Fuckin' white boy, I'll fuck you up, son.

Okay.

I know where you fuckin' live, faggot.

Down there in the yard.

That's right, motherfucker.

You know where you're gonna be livin'?

You're gonna be livin' under me.

Fuckin' motherfucker.

Why don't you come down here and get in my bed with me under the covers, man?

Yeah, okay.

Wrestle around a little bit with you.

Okay, fuckin' day.

I'm going to suck on your nipples a little bit.

I'd probably like that, too.

I would, yeah, I'll do it.

Put a little dick in your ass.

That's what I heard.

It's like that, man.

It's like that with you, right?

You like dick in your ass and shit?

I heard you're a little cum slut.

Yeah.

When your girlfriend's coming on me, man, it's fine.

No, with other men, man.

I heard you and Josh.

Who the fuck is Josh?

Josh, your boy Josh.

Dude, you know, I'm here in Crystal Terrace, man.

Don't fuck with me.

Oh, I'm scared.

You're not scared?

Josh, man, I know it's you.

Don't fuck with me.

Who the fuck is Josh?

You keep talking about people I don't even fucking know.

You're a bitch-ass faggot, dude.

Okay, and you're in Crystal Terrace right now?

Yeah, well, I'm going to come back.

You know, you have a nice car, you know that?

You know what I mean?

You have a nice car.

You're in Crystal Terrace right now.

Well, I mean, I mean, it'd be a shame for something bad to happen to your car, you know?

My car?

Yeah.

Too bad I'm not in Crystal Terrace right now, though, man.

Yeah, well, you're going to be coming back.

If I live there, maybe.

No.

If I live there.

No, you're going to be coming back here, dude.

Okay.

You know what I mean?

I mean, just, you know, protect your car is all I got to say.

Mark?

I don't have to tell you who it is, man.

Just let me talk to Josh.

Who the fuck is Josh?

I got beef with Josh, and they have good word to know that you're going to be fucking around with Josh, too, so.

I don't know a Josh, though, man.

Well, where's my 80 bucks?

I don't know a Josh.

Josh.

Fuck it with me, dude, and you're going to pay for it.

Dude, if it's fucking, I'll get you before you get me, bitch.

Yeah, well, you know what?

I got three dents in my car door when I parked up at Crystal Terrace,

And to have it on good word that you fucked up my car, you dinged it up.

Why can't you, you can't fucking, you can't be a man and come pay for this shit, dog?

I'm not going to pay for shit.

You fucked up my car, man.

You fucked up my green car, my green Mazda.

That's right, son.

You know my signature right in there?

It's a car anyway.

Fucking might as well trash that car.

Dude, honestly, between me and you, between me and you, you're going to regret the bad

that happens to your car that happened to mine because of you.

I live in Crystal Terrace.

I don't know who Josh or Emily is.

Yeah, but you're going to be coming back.

Coming back?

Yeah, but I don't even fucking go over there, dumbass.

You come here all the time.

Yeah, okay.

Well, you came here and you scratched up my car.

Why the fuck would I scratch up your car?

You did it on accident, but you didn't man up and leave me a $50 bill there under the windshield wiper.

What are you supposed to do?

You touched your car, dumbass.

You opened your door, you scratched it up, and you didn't fix it.

You didn't leave me any cash or nothing.

What the fuck are you talking about?

How would you have my cell phone number if I didn't fucking, if I had damaged your car?

Because Josh gave it to me.

Who the fuck is Josh?

Josh is the guy that scratched up my car and said it was your fucking...

Fucking weird-ass motherfucker.

You're a fucking...

I'm too.

You're a motherfucker.

Yeah.

You know what?

You're a piece of shit.

Be sure to check out that you have all the gas in your car when you start it up tomorrow.

I'll have everything in my car when I start it up tomorrow, though, man.

Mm-hmm.

Well, you're going to be sorry when you run out of gas on your way to work.

Sugar of the gas thing, too.

I'm not going to use sugar.

No, no, no, no.

Yeah, man, that's really far out.

I'm going to...

I just want to...

You're going to save up my gas because you're fucking too broke to get gas?

Well I don't work

Oh no

I'm going to siphon all your gas

I'm going to lay out of your tires

Oh no please don't do that

I'm going to take a shit inside your car

Real destructive shit dude

I'm going to take a shit inside your car

What is this so I can talk to you later

You know what

I'm afraid to tell you who I am

I don't know who the fuck these people are you talking about

I told you I'm John Masters

John Masters

Yes sir

John Masters

Do you need to write it down

Do you need a translator

A translator

Alright

I don't know who the fuck you are either

You sound like you're speaking faggot

I do that sometimes

you do the dick sometimes

alright bitch

alright faggot

bitch

your mom

your mom faggot

yeah

I'm gonna keep calling you

all night too sucker

but you need to

you will need to

pay for that shit

if I did it

man I'd man up

but you did

you know you don't

you're a woman

you got a vagina

and you're a woman

you got my fingers

on my pussy right now too

you got your fingers

on your ass what now

you got your fingers

on your quit

I just saw that

I just saw her

does your pussy stink

Yeah.

It does stink, right?

Yeah.

All those fucking niggers fucking it.

Your pussy stinks, doesn't it, faggot?

You got fucking nine- and ten-inch black dudes fucking ramming you ten times a day.

It's fucking your pussy starts to stink.

I don't know what you're saying.

So you admit you have a vagina, then?

Yeah.

And that's why you don't man up about shit, right?

Man up about shit?

I didn't fucking touch your car, bitch.

Oh, you're ragging right now?

You are?

You're ragging right now, aren't you?

Who the fuck is Josh, though?

Josh is your boyfriend.

Okay.

He's the guy that blamed you for fucking up my car, dude.

I knew it, Josh. I might be able to fucking help you.

Well, he's never fucking lied to me. He said he hangouts with you over at the Carer's apartment.

Yep.

Yes.

What's his last name?

I don't know, man. I'm not on a last name basis with him.

What's it look like?

He's some white boy.

You're a fucking white boy too, dumb man.

No, I'm not, man.

Sound like it.

Oh, Samoan. Yep.

Okay, we're gonna let you go. Alright, alright.

That's it. Hey Milkman, wake the fuck up, alright?

Did Milkman fall asleep?

That's bullshit. Shut up! What are you making fun of me for?

All right, I was going nowhere.

What's the big deal?

So what?

Oh, shit.

Right, right, right, right.

Anyway, Skull and Bones tells me that...

Don't shoot me in the eye.

Shoot the messenger.

Shit.

Skull and Bones says, great show.

He's going to bed, but he's still listening.

Time for this old man to head to bed.

I wonder just how old he is.

But that's Skull and Bones.

Collie Bones.

He's one of...

48?

He's one of the...

Good job with my bones.

He's one of the Blackout fans who is a convert over to Madhouse Radio.

Right over there.

Right on.

Right on, man.

Welcome to the light side.

Leaving the dark side of the blackout's box.

Non-existent radio.

That's what that is.

Smoke weed every day.

As Clone Homegrown refreshes himself.

His THC levels.

Madman says thank you for the prank call.

You're very welcome.

And is that call going to be on the podcast?

Yes, that call will be on the podcast.

The podcast, you can subscribe to the podcast by visiting madhouse5.com.

You can also hear old episodes and prank calls by visiting madhouselive.com

and clicking on the podcast links and the archive links.

What is your problem, woman?

Keep it rolling, guys.

I've got to get some more fucking water.

All right.

Well, we'll keep it rolling here.

I'm trying to find...

What the hell was I trying to find here?

Oh, my finger, man.

Something I was supposed to talk about before we moved on.

Shit.

I forgot.

I don't know.

Oh, yes, yes.

You're right.

He's going to replace me with Classic Call.

Whoa.

He's going to have a body call.

The original one or the new one?

The new one.

Wait, you haven't heard the new one, have you?

The original one.

Oh, I don't know.

I don't know how long ago it was.

I'd say about a month ago.

Okay, you haven't heard it.

We'll play them both.

Here's the first one right now.

This is the real Pasquale, and after that we'll play the mistyled Pasquale.

Hang on.

Exclusive PC rating at house5.com.

Can I speak with Pasquale, please?

Hey, Pasquale, how you doing, you asshole?

Who's this?

I've got a problem with you.

Yeah, what's the problem?

Well, it seems to me you came down here, used our toilet, you didn't flush it, and now it's...

I don't know what you're talking about.

You used my toilet here the other day, you son of a bitch.

You retard.

My toilet.

You know what?

Describe it to me.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I've been in the house, but I haven't been out.

Well, it was last week.

No, I don't use anybody's toilet, bro.

I got a good mind to go down there, Pasquale, and punch you in the chest.

For what?

I don't remember. I swear on my mother.

I don't know who, what house or what are you talking about?

Well, look, your mother's here right now with me having sex with me,

and she's not very happy.

My mother's dead.

So how are you going to swear on somebody who's dead?

What are you, a goddamn heathen now? Are you a Muslim?

No. I don't know what you're talking about, really, man.

You don't have to talk to me like that because I'm a human being.

If I did something wrong, I would tell you.

You're not a human being in my eyes.

You're a scum, worst of the earth, piece of crap.

you listen to me what come down here you bring yourself a plunger and you fix

this horrible mess you made I'm gonna I don't do anything I'm gonna rip all your

leg hairs out in the hair I'm a big I'm a big vagina I got a big vagina I'm

Pasquale well you owe me $5 breaking the toilet breaking the toilet told you

already. My name is Bo Steen. Don't know you. Do now, because you're going to come down here and

fix it. You're going to get to know me really well. I ain't fixing nothing, because I didn't

break nothing. I don't use anybody's toilet. Well, you came down the street. You live right next...

You came down. You used the toilet. You took a big shit, and it's... I took a big shit. Yes.

And it wasn't me, pal. It was not me. You got the wrong guy. Well, either you come down here and

fix it, or I'm going to go down there and make you drink the toilet water out of your toilet

after I take a big shit see if you like it how big is your nose hey man I'm

gonna call the sheriff I'm not afraid of you or your mother well well you're a

sinner you're a sinner I'm a lot you're a sinner what's that you're a sinner you

sin against God how dare you come here to this church and take a shit in the

the toilet i know that i haven't been in the church well the pastor said he saw you he's got

the wrong guy you bring the past here i haven't been in any church oh now you're gonna hurt the

pastor let him identify me you you just threatened the clock i didn't fight nobody you better confess

your sins right now to the pastor you're going to hell sir enter your destination number be sure

to visit how was that milkman are you even awake you sound like you're snoring over there who's

snoring yeah okay is that clone are you sleeping what the hell someone keeps snoring over there

what the fuck is that i think he's ripping a bong uh bong snore a bong snore that's what it is i

think he lost it um shit earth dog has sent me that link and i can't find it now for that other

song oh well so that's that one and we'll play the uh the the incorrect pasquale here

The following is an exclusive of ECU Radio House.

You speak English, man.

You speak, you motherfucking, you are.

I'm not speaking Spanish.

You speak, you speak English.

I say, motherfucking.

I go ahead, man.

You motherfucking, you.

You bitch.

Don't never.

Don't ever.

I don't want to hear you keep this point, man.

Mow my lawn.

I'm going to fuck you, man.

You've just.

Mow my lawn, I say.

So that's that.

Mow my lawn.

That's what you wanted?

So let's see what else we got here.

We got more pranks here.

We've got House of Poon.

I don't remember that.

We got Get Out of Puerto Rico.

We got Fun With Numbers.

We played that already tonight.

Escort Gets Heated.

Oh, that's the original Nautica call.

The original Nautica call.

Remember that?

Where she was fighting with her pimp in the background?

There we go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know all this stuff is going on the CD

The CD that's going to be coming out

Brown and black

Can't say I do

Yeah the two guys on there

And the girl

Oh yeah

The black people

Was it fun with blacks

Something like that

Brown with blacks

That was a funny ass call

Was it conversation with blacks

or Argument with Blacks.

It's online, I know.

I know I posted it.

What the hell is that, dude?

What's that called?

Something with blacks.

All pranks.

Open up the page and just search the page.

Yeah, I can't.

It's on the forums.

If you can look in the forums,

in the KDK forums,

see if I can find it here.

Hang on, let me play some song here

while I try to find it.

While you dig.

Oh, man.

I'll play this.

Okay.

You dig it, you're so jiggy.

All right, well, if I find that, we'll play the escort getting heated.

This is the original Nautica call right here.

Big, big, big, big, big.

I got that next here, too.

We'll do that, too.

i don't want nobody else in my house i'm talking about one person right here and that person for

the rest okay stay in your car you might listen to me on the phone yeah yeah well what's up i'm

just business and you're up there all over your business what happened are you calling me from

block number that's a block number you what you need to do is hang up push star 82 no i did already

You told me.

But I don't...

Yeah, you know what I'll...

Yeah, I'm blackmailing you.

You want to talk to my mom, a damn black number?

Look, bitch.

I'm talking to you, bitch.

I'm talking to you.

Why did you call me?

So I can cash on the get-go.

Yo, I'm talking to you.

You ready?

Come on, baby.

Yeah, what's up?

Well, darling, since you know who I am...

Who you talking to?

Since you know who I am, because I said I ain't fucking with a nigga in fucking.

No, I got all the proofs.

Huh?

I got all these proofs.

You talked about paraphernalia.

Paraphernalia?

Yeah, I heard you.

You don't even know what past the name I'm talking about.

Yeah, I do.

Crackpot.

What is crack?

I don't know about having no crack, though.

I know.

You're too fat to be on crack.

It wasn't crack, though.

That's how bad you went missing.

You're too fat to be on crack.

It wasn't no crack.

You're too fat.

You know what?

Call the police.

Do you want me on Twitter?

No, you can't.

I'm going to report it.

What is it?

It's Walmart.

We want to talk to you about it.

Are you writing it down?

I don't care.

I got it, too.

I'll call my brother.

Hey, bitch.

I'm listening.

I don't need to listen to you, hoe.

All right, his name is Cookie.

I know the answer to his name is everything.

It's over the product.

You want his name, too?

No, look, my brother, my brother's a cop.

Yeah, go ahead and call him.

Go ahead and call him now.

My brother's a cop.

Yeah, you go ahead and do that.

You sit in my pocket and talk about that to yourself, okay?

Yeah, you're in big trouble.

I'm going to get that free dick sucked.

That's fucking true.

You're about to get that free dick sucked.

See, before we started that prank,

it was like another five minutes at least

of her fighting with her pimp in the background

and shit like that.

Something like that.

I think it was a proposal to her or something.

It was something fucked up.

I hear him in the background.

Yeah, you hear him in the background.

But I had to condense that a little bit.

But that's that.

The Casino Lost and Found.

This is Milkman's request here.

Here you go.

Yeah, hello? Hello? Hello?

What's wrong, Prater? How can I help you?

Yes, hi. Is this the Silver Legacy?

Well, that's what I was trying to tell you, sir.

Well, look, ma'am, I have a travesty here.

I've lost my wallet, my cell phone, my insulin shots,

and my sugar is up on the roof, and I need to get my insulin.

And I can't find it, and I'm sure I left them there on one of the machines,

and my wallet is gone, and I can feel my sugar.

My sugar is up through the roof and I left my diabetes kits there.

Where are you at? I'll get an ambulance for you.

I don't need an ambulance. I need my insulin pills.

pills i need my shot of my pills and i left them all there in my wallet my cell phone i can't even

call my daughter to come over here i could be dying she's doing this here's the best part

my insulin is way up in the sky yeah our pills and my and my diabetes syringe and my insulin's

there i left them there on top of that machine there with the lights you left the where the

machine with the lights they all left it on there you know the one no i don't know the one i left

my my insulin my insulin shot and if i don't take it i i i mother come back and get it sir

i left my contact lenses there i can't see i don't know where you left it you're gonna need

to come back and get it i left my keys i left myself you're not understanding me i'm done with

with this conversation.

I left my shoes

and you've just been

listening to us.

I left all that shit there.

Bing, bing, bing.

Yeah.

The machine in the casino

with the lights

that goes bing, bing, bing.

There's like a hundred

of them there.

You mean the slot machine, sir?

Yeah, that's the one

that's on there.

Yeah, that one

in the corner.

Yeah,

he's the one

in the corner.

It's one of four.

Next up,

we got 15 minutes

here before

the replay starts.

our outro takes about

5 minutes and 47 seconds

so about 6 minutes there

so we need 9 more minutes to kill here folks

any parting

Milkman why don't you give our parting shout outs here real quick

while I get ready

to end the show

sure man I'd like to give a big shout out there

Madman

he provides us with our wonderful boxing ring

here this chat room

everybody can come in here and smack down

on their buddy man and come back

laughing the next day man

Man, it's all good, baby.

Thank you, Madman, for all the fun, man.

Dr. Lego, man, our voice, man.

The guy that brings a sound to our ears that parts with these wonderful wits and wisdoms from the Madhouse.

Everybody here at PCU, thank you for giving us breath, Dr. Lego.

KDK, our benevolent sponsor, the Cerebro of the prank call world.

Thank you so much for trusting us, giving us your blessing, and allowing us to provide entertainment to this big prank call world we call PCU.

And most of all, all you listeners out there, it's all about you, baby.

It's all about you.

We do this for fun, and we bring it to you every day, free of charge, once a week.

We've got a show for you, man.

We love you, PCU.

And God bless Carlito.

Carlitos is the leader of the madhouse

militia, man. Our benevolent

general. Thank you so much,

man. Everybody, we love

you, PCU. Yes, we do.

I'd like to thank, let's see,

first of all, you, Milkman. Thank you for being

on tonight. Thank you. Welcome back,

Milkman. It was great

having you back here. I got one

of denim. Okay. Also, a big

shout out to the hardest

working man at PCU.

The master of the

The numbers in the quick keys

Drove the lonesome loser

Without you, we'd all grind to a halt

Thank you, lonesome loser

He stole the words out of my mouth

Yes, thank you, lonesome loser

And thank you, Clone Homegrown

A great showing tonight, Clone Homegrown

You did a great job on the show tonight

Can we expect to have you here next week?

I'll be there

Okay, good

Two seconds later, he says he'll be here

Awesome

You're on delay

Yeah, right

I'm on a fucking delay, man.

You're just high.

Blame it on the bong, man.

Blame it on the delay.

Sure, yeah.

Sure it is.

Okay, Jupe will be coming on later tonight.

Fuck you.

Jupe will be coming on later tonight at 2.30 a.m.

Before that, we'll be replaying, illegally I might add.

Jupe did it all.

Yeah, we'll be replaying the Stern Fan Roundtable from earlier tonight

night with Zolar's appearance there. It's an

hour long. That'll be from 1.30

to 2.30 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, and

then Jupe will be going on after that at

2.30 a.m. until he

falls asleep, apparently. So be sure to

stay tuned tonight. Plenty of prank calls

and plenty of action here

to listen to tonight.

So thank you very much, and

let's play this prank here real quick.

This is Get Out of Puerto Rico.

All this is going to be on the CD.

Oh, you didn't find trouble with the blacks, did you?

Hello. Yeah, hey.

Hey, how you doing there, lady?

Hi.

Hey, where's Dick at?

I think you got the wrong number.

Well, why don't you get some Dick on the phone for me, then?

How about you kiss my ass?

I need some Dick, bitch.

Why don't you shut up?

You're talking to a man, first of all.

Don't you read the Bible?

I don't give a fuck.

I'll beat your ass with the damn Bible, woman.

Well, I bet you will.

I will, too.

All right, well, come on.

Oh, I got some dishes here they need to get done.

Why don't you get over here?

All right, come on.

All right, fine.

What, you think you're going to push me around?

Where the fuck do you live?

You're calling Puerto Rico.

Oh, do you know that?

Yeah, I don't care.

Mielda, eh?

I don't give a fuck.

Oh, I don't do that.

I remember this one.

Well, I gotta be scared.

I gotta be scared of some Puerto Rican.

Ooh, I'm scared.

I'm Puerto Rican.

Ooh, I'm scared.

You're not educated.

You didn't want to go to school either, did you?

Puerto Ricans are stupid.

I don't give a fuck.

I'm American, honey.

I'm from New York.

So what?

New York is stupid, too.

So, and so are you.

And you suck dick, too, Vic.

You Puerto Ricans ruin New York.

You have a motherfucker.

You Puerto Ricans ruin New York, puta maricona.

I'm not Puerto Rican, bitch.

I'm Italian, motherfucker.

You're a fucking, fucking butana.

I'm a fucking Italian.

Oh, yeah?

Even worse.

Nothing worse than a Puerto Rican and an Italian.

I'm fucking Jewish, huh?

Yeah, you're Jewish, too?

I'm getting greenback, motherfucker.

Whatever.

I'm not Jewish, either.

You faggot, bitch.

What are you, Arabic?

You fucking inbred?

No, I'm not Arabic, bitch.

Fucking inbred.

You're fucking rude, bitch.

Yeah.

You wish I was Arabic.

You were going to get a punk on the phone, huh, bitch?

I wish I was Arabic.

You know why?

Why? Because then I could...

You could write your father's nose, bitch.

I could beat you, legally.

You wouldn't have any rights if I was in charge.

Thank you, maricón.

You shouldn't be able to vote either, you bitch.

Get out of here. Get off the phone now.

Let me talk to a man.

There's some dude on the phone.

Hey, listen.

Hello.

Yes, I am an American.

Hello, yes, I am an American.

Who the hell are you?

Who do you want to turn to?

Is this Puerto Rico?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Well, guess what?

What?

This is our land.

Yeah?

This is America now.

We're taking over.

We're calling all the Puerto Ricans that know they need to move out, go to the Dominican

Republic or something.

Yeah?

Go to Costa Rica.

It's close enough.

How about you come here and take me out from here?

I want you to take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking to me.

Yeah?

I'm going to see you white, huh?

I'm going to mess with tails and my mouth.

I'm going to see you white, huh?

The white truck, motherfucker.

You know what?

I'm going to see you white, huh?

I don't want to pet you.

You sound like you need the phone if you're hungry.

Uh-oh.

That's great.

You should take a shower.

I don't know.

Why don't you go take a shower, you son of a bitch, he says.

He got me, everybody.

He got me.

Oh, boy.

He got me.

You hard guy.

Goodness God.

Okay.

We're going to play one more here, and then we'll do a final word,

and we'll kick it over to the serious Zolar appearance, okay?

This one is called Chicken Skins.

Milkman, if you remember, this is the only good thing.

Oh, I love this one.

This is the only good prank call that came out of that show where we had all the Wigger rappers.

The worst show in the history of the Madhouse.

This one here.

I remember the chicken skins.

I remember this one.

It was a horrible show, except for this right here, everybody.

The following is an exclusive VCU Radio House 5.

Yo, what up?

Hey, look.

I like your chicken, right?

But I just like him.

Do you guys, do you have any of that skin just laying around?

Just the skin.

The skin and the fat.

Yeah, skin, just the chicken skins.

That's all I want is the skins.

I can't understand what you're saying.

This was in Hawaii, wasn't it?

You know the skin of the chicken?

Yeah, California.

I just want that.

I don't want any meat.

I just want the fat and the skin and the gristle.

The mac and cheese.

Yeah, and can you put in between two biscuits for me?

You just want the skin?

Just the skins of the chicken, yeah.

The skins, the fat, and put it in between some of those biscuits,

and we'll be good to go.

You have any cheese?

Oh, my God.

Give me a second.

I like my man, just eat chicken skin.

I like chicken skin, too.

No.

I have no experience.

Hello.

Yes.

Look, I want to come in for some food, but all I want is the skins.

Just the chicken skins.

Just the chicken skins and some biscuits.

I'm going to try to win.

I'm going to try to win to pay for the chicken skins.

Well, what can we talk here?

Uh, well, it depends on the chicken you want.

The really fat, the fatty pieces.

Fat?

Yeah, the ass of the chicken.

Uh...

What do you like to eat?

As much as you can spare.

Huh?

As much as you can spare.

And are you tossing up?

Oh, no, that's not fair.

I can't spare.

Well, no, I know, but what do you got available?

And don't talk shit.

Don't say the shit word, please.

Why not?

You're saying it, too.

I didn't say shit.

Yeah, why not?

When did I say shit?

He tricked you.

Oh, he tricked you.

Now you just talking shit, bitch.

Look, look, I'm hungry, man.

I just need to talk food.

That's it.

That's all I'm thinking about.

Let's talk food business.

All right.

I got about 20 pieces of fat.

20 pieces of chicken fat?

How much are you worth?

I don't know.

I'll give you like...

How much do you want to spend?

A dollar.

I'll give you $6 for the whole thing.

Well, $8.

You want that shit fried or?

No, I want, I don't know, just Nate, whatever, man.

I don't know what you're talking about, Nate.

Yeah, like you're trying to do this for a quarter of a dollar.

Hey, you know, do you know how much food you can buy in Mexico at $8?

Second.

Stop it.

You got pissed off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You went to far, man.

I'm just playing with you.

You're just talking about Mexico.

You don't talk about Mexico.

Okay, that's that.

So there we are, everybody.

That was a good one.

He called somebody here.

it's been a great show

again thank you Milkman

thank you Clone Homegrown

here's a song I was looking for

this is awesome

I've been waiting for this

for a month now

it's a cool song

yes it is

okay well

Milkman like I said

have a good night

Clone Homegrown

have a good night

hey now

hey now everybody

I just want to come to this song

thank you

we love you

alright and

what else can I say

except for

be sure to listen tomorrow

for

nothing

I guess maybe

Jip will do a show

someone will do a show tomorrow

maybe

And we'll have KDK's Lunatic Fringe at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Sunday, perhaps, the Sean Ward Show in the evening as well.

Monday nights, Dr. Lego probably will do a show with High Pitch Eric from the Howard Stern Show.

That'd be cool.

Perhaps that'll be happening.

And Tuesday nights, maybe someone will do a show.

I don't know.

And Wednesday nights, KDK will do a show.

His Psychobabble.

And we'll catch you here next Thursday for more Madhouse Radio.

Be sure to visit madhouselive.com.

And also, be sure to subscribe to the podcast.

MadHouseLive.com

And be sure to visit CloneHomeGrowing.com and Milkman.com, right?

That's right.

Everybody stay tuned for this special release of Solar's Roundtable Turbulent Sessions tonight.

Coming up next, exclusive right here on MadHouseLiveBG.com

All right, brothers.

We'll catch you next week.

Thanks, man.

Peace out, y'all.

Good evening.

I just gave it to his face.

He didn't interrupt me.

I got your dirty laundry over here

Don't make me call the police.

I ain't gonna blackmail you.

Scared.

Jive turkey ass motherfucker, what's your problem now?

Jive turkey, you bitch.

You didn't hear, boy.

You jive turkey motherfucker.

Who you talking to, Sean?

What do you need?

Man, you can show me a place, dude.

I'm about to go whoop some motherfuckers ass,

because I don't even know who the fuck you talking about.

How much you going to charge, you guy?

Pick somebody up over here to attack you down.

Man, this ain't no motherfucking turkey ass.

You're talking about fucking picking somebody up,

I'm going to whoop your goddamn ass.

I kicked your ass, you son of a bitch, and your goddamn mother.

Your mother.

You motherfucking nigger, how you like that, you piece of shit?

I'm not a fucking nigger, son of a bitch.

You nigger, mother.

I ain't a nigger, man.

What?

And I'm a motherfucking sister of the goddamn phone.

It's the white man that don't want to hear from no goddamn niggers calling me in the fucking middle of the night.

Listen, listen, boy.

Listen, boy.

I'll show you a boy in a 12-gauge shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen, cracker.

He's going to have three letters.

Listen here, cracker.

Look at here cracker.

You cracker, cracker.

I'll see you.

I'll see you here.

Are you Michael Frazier?

Man, this ain't Michael Frazier, man.

This is a white man.

Look, let me just ask you real quick.

First of all, why don't you shut the hell up?

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you, you stupid bitch.

I'm gonna kick your ass, man.

Hallelujah.

I'm kicking on you.

I'll give you a couple hundred dollars, though.

You ready?

I wish I was the governor.

Just pretend I'm sitting on you, okay?

No problem.

Okay.

I don't gonna go.

Ah!

Oh, God.

Yeah, well, I've got to go.

Please do wash your hands.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, you have to do this stuff.

So this is a very interesting radio you have.

Very interesting radio thing if you have that, you know,

because that shows me that you have, like, nothing going.

No, I've got plenty.

This is what we do, man.

I do this all the time.

I get lots of votes.

This is what you do, like, you know what I mean?

Talk stupid.

Yeah, yeah.

Really, huh?

People actually listen to this shit.

Everybody listens to this shit.

Not everybody, because anybody with a half a brain that I know don't listen.

Anybody with half a brain would listen to this show instead of eating your shitty-ass pizza.

How old are you?

Thirteen.

Yeah, fucking right.

You sound like you're fucking eighteen or nineteen.

I'm thirteen, I said.

Yeah, right.

Yes, I was born thirteen years ago, last Friday.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

I'm hanging up, and you better not call.

Do you have stripes in your underwear?

Do I have what?

Stripes in your underwear.

You are a sick fuck.

Come on, let me talk to your sister, man.

Be a pal.

No!

Have you ever seen your sister naked?

No!

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up

or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (22, 57 min of 2 h 52 min)

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