2006-08-13 Show

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Shut up, man.

Shut up.

Shut up when the fucking intro's playing.

I don't want to have to tell you again.

that's another problem that we have here

with everybody is that nobody knows how to follow

proper models of everything

sorry I got a monster shit

you don't follow the proper model of things

that's one of the

problems around here one of the things I'm going to be

talking about right now

nobody make me upset tonight

I'm in a bad mood I don't want to be fucked around

with

don't fuck with me Milkman

I'm going to shut up

I'm done shutting up

i'm chatting up okay i'm not gonna talk no more whatever man you do that so what is this milkman

this is uh sunday the 13th of august right yes it's 1 43 a.m and we're gonna i don't know what

i'm doing i decided to come on and i'm on my beer number eight yeah beer number eight and i've been

smoking too and i'm in a surly mood and i feel like doing some prank calls and the phone is

charging all right man the battery on the phone is dead so we got to kill like 15 minutes here

and let it charge up a little bit so we can do a few prank calls and katie k's got some like the

sunday night huge monster shit show i don't know what it's just it's just you know what i said i

wanted to do a show and you know what happens you know what happens when i say i want to do

something right what happens around here we get it done baby when i say i'm going to do something

i'm going to do it that's how it is and all you all you listening that's how i do it okay

Deal with it.

If you don't like it, you know what?

Pull the plug.

You know where you can shove it.

That's all I have to say.

Take this plug and shove it.

So send me your numbers.

Everybody, send me the fucking numbers.

KDK, send me your fucking number to that Heather woman.

Who's Heather?

What, is some fat woman that's giving KDK a problem?

Heather X.

Some fat chick.

Heather X is some freaky fat blob.

She kisses women.

That works with KDK.

Fucking nasty ass lesbian.

In real life.

life he's a fucking nasty lesbian trying to destroy katie k's career and juke juke see doodle

our our buddy juke see doodle is now dating her blah blah blah yeah man he's into this this 500

pound chick i don't care about juke hey i don't care what juke does or what he is man finally got

his noodle wet too bad for juke good for juke wow big fucking deal you know juke goes around

you know talking a lot of shit you know he's another one too he's on notice where is that

that hound dog at now this is i don't know what now you talk about loyal bitches every time that

little bitch goes on the air i've always been there cheering him on giving cards and everything

every damn show we ever see him in my chat room ever see him in our chat room yeah i hear crickets

i'm not even listening i don't know what you're saying i was talking to kdk in the chat room

what did you say oh all right never mind sorry um okay so uh what do i have who can i call you

got some numbers for me to do you wanted me to go on milkman so what am i supposed to do here

want some losers freaks out there you got some numbers send them in i need you to send them in

right now yes you see the big number and name at the top of the column it says carlito okay

p.m them numbers right now whatever just send me a instant message or something you can get me at

madhouse radio madhouse radio if you want me to do a prank call for you i'll do that okay do it

come on send it now on aol instant messenger madhouse radio on yahoo messenger madhouse pcu

radio if uh you're on msn messenger because you're a bitch you want to get a hold of me at madhouse

HousePCURadio at Hotmail.com.

You know who's on MSN Messenger?

Who?

Faggots and Europeans.

Faggots and foreigners.

And foreigners are on MSN Messenger.

Faggots and foreigners.

Mostly homosexuals.

Homosexual Americans and foreigners.

That's who uses MSN Messenger, and I said it.

You damn foreigner.

MSN Messenger can kiss my ass.

It's a piece of shit, and I don't trust it.

I don't like it.

I don't know why you'd want to use MSN Messenger.

You know, retarded people use MSN Messenger.

You know, if you're on MSN Messenger, don't bother sending me anything

because I don't want to talk to you because you're sick.

Anybody who would use that tripe program for messaging people, whatever.

That thing's a travesty.

Yes.

It's a child's application.

Tell them how to get to the chatroom, Milkman.

I don't have time to give all that shit out.

You do that.

All right.

If you want to come into the chatroom, just go to your nearest IRC server

and type in irc-lazy-net, irc.lazy-net.de, that's right,

and type in poundpcu and join the party

because we're going to be doing some wild things here.

If you want to send in a number, come in the chat room,

look up the big name Carlito there, send a private message, and we'll oblige you.

Yes.

Carlito, tell us about all the instant messengers there you can be reached at.

You own one on every darn circuit in this United States, in this world.

Where can we reach you?

Hey, man.

Did I just get through giving that out already?

All right.

Yahoo is Madhouse Radio, PC Radio.

Madhouse Radio on AOL.

What?

I gave it out.

There's no toll-free line.

The toll-free line is not working.

You want to call in?

Too bad.

You want to talk on the air tonight?

You send me an instant message with your phone number, and I'll call you back.

Free of charge.

There you go.

Toll-free line.

That's the toll-free line tonight, everybody.

so call in on the toll-free line we'll call you don't call us we'll call you um lonesome loser

has sent me a number for sassy game room a woman who answered at 1 47 a.m a woman milkman a woman

a fucking woman so while we're waiting for kdk to go ahead and decide to send me his uh

the number to that fat chick we gotta do something here uh while i let the phone charge up but we'll

We'll be calling Sassy.

You know what, Milkman?

Why don't you tell me?

Here, let's do this.

Let's go into the Lonesome Loser archives.

We're going to go, and this is one year, over one year of history,

from the man, Lonesome Loser himself.

I have every single number he's confirmed.

The hardest working man at PCU.

Yes, and we thank you, Lonesome Loser, for that.

Without you, this world could never turn.

Yes, that's right.

Oh, yeah, Milkman's on the air tonight.

I haven't even given you a proper introduction.

Everybody, Milkman from the Virgin Islands.

Milkman, the Milkman from the Virgin Islands.

He's on the air, too.

Say hi, Milkman.

How are you doing, Carlito?

This here's your old buddy, the Milkman.

Excellent.

I'm running down right now.

All right.

All right, you're cutting out too much.

Be quiet.

All right, shut up.

Shut up.

You're cutting out too much.

I don't know what's going on on your end.

What the hell are you doing?

Okay, wake up.

Seriously.

Come on, man.

We're not joking around anymore.

Lonesome Losers Archives are here.

Name a place that we've called in the past.

Let's try to go back like six months out.

A funny-ass place that we called, and I'll try to find the number.

Call them now.

A 24-hour place.

International, even.

I'll tell you one.

I remember.

You're breaking up too much, man.

You did one.

You did a call.

It was the old black bartender.

Uh-huh.

And the drunk guy.

The old black bartender.

and what and what happened to the guy right you had the guy named some guy started cussing him

out because he's old black guy oh that he wanted to ride home he said he didn't know who he was

well that's from like like 96 man that's an old like the first prank i'll ever recorded that's

not it can't go back that far i'm talking about in the last year one of them okay well that that'll

take some planning because i think that was a wrong number that i called actually it was a

a wrong number give me something i can work with come on something recently some business we call

recently that we that we got into it has to be a 24-hour place what were those fucking what were

those walmart like places in britain what were they called oh well i know that i don't remember

exactly what they're called but there was one i know one one was in glasgow um glasgow scotland

all right i pulled up glasgow here we go um no not glasgow and gene not glasgow

Okay, then it was Port-something, but it was definitely Scotland.

Hey, bitch, shut up, okay?

I'm sorry.

All right.

No, Scotland.

It was definitely Scotland, right?

Hey, stop talking to Athena like that.

She's a stupid woman.

Maybe it was Ireland.

What do we have in Ireland that we can call?

Fuck me.

All right.

Well, we called Ireland, too, but Scotland was the one we was calling the Walmarts.

We called gas station in Ireland.

Yeah, those were never funny.

Come on.

It's got to be something.

Let's try Australia.

Who are we called in Australia?

Australia is...

They're the pizza place we call it in Australia.

Is it really?

Mm-hmm.

Queensland.

Let's see.

The very first time we called Australia was on December 13th.

There was a casino.

There's a casino.

There's a pizza house in Tasmania, Australia.

We can call that.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah, we called that.

All right.

Let's call Australia.

What time is it in Australia, McMahon?

It has to be...

It's either 3 p.m. or 1 p.m.

It's either 3 p.m. or 1 p.m., one of the two.

Yeah.

In Tasmania.

Okay.

right fine how about we call that him how about we call that them damn it okay let's call them man

all right what kind of pizza do you like uh what kind of pizza do you like i like uh pepperoni

you know maybe a little extra cheese i don't like a lot of tomato sauce domino's pizza makes me fart

for some reason domino's pizza makes me fart dude honestly you ever had that problem it gives you a

monster shit i don't like domino's pizza always you know what happened here's here's the story

Last night, I'm working a part-time job now, right?

Second job, Kmart and shit, and I get to Kmart and I haven't had dinner, okay?

Straight from my first job, and I'm hungry, and they had ordered a bunch of Domino's pizza,

so I ate a slice, forgetting that Domino's pizza has the tendency to make me really gassy,

and sure enough, I was working all day last night, like, farting up a storm as I was working.

Yeah, it was something.

And it smelled bad, man.

Man, I mean, seriously, it was some serious farting.

Wait a minute, you told me you had a rose-scented ass.

What do you mean?

I don't have a rose-scented ass.

It tastes like a roast.

Roast?

Like a rotten pot roast.

Rotten ass pork roast.

Get this pork roast here, baby.

Oh, man.

A cupano, man.

All right, how long do you think it'll take to charge a phone, man?

oh man if you want to run reliable you're gonna have to let it charge for a few minutes how damn

dead did you let it go damn it was dead dead like it what happened all the extra batteries you had

they're not charged nothing's charged the phones have been off the hook they haven't been charged

since this last show like i literally what you guys been doing wild sex for like three days i've

been calling your house and it's like that number's not acceptable i've been fucking working

what happened to your damn home phone bitch i call it and i can't get home i changed the number

i changed the number man yeah okay we'll leave your old buddy milkman out on that one you call

me too much all the time i'm kidding i'll give you the new number in a little bit here if you're

gonna break up you need to let me know damn it oh no no no i wouldn't break up with you you know

we got separated for a little bit but i won't break up with you andy was in the middle of

of everything you know he ruined everything wow fuck andy that fat nigger well his two-timing

ass he can go right back up to chai town i don't really care all right hang on let me call this

number right quick here's you have used to dial are too fat to obtain a special dialing wand

please mash the keypad with your palm now okay i guess that was not gonna work but seriously let

me let me try to get the phone let me see how much of a charge i got on the fucking phone

what do you say there oh you got about five minutes of charge bitch yep well it's been

been on there for a good 10 how long we've been on the air let me see here let me get a ticket

probably no more than 10 minutes 16 minutes man it's been charging for at least 16 minutes if

not longer no way yes it has it's been on the cradle for 16 minutes i'm not what are you going

to call me a liar for it i did you don't respect anything you don't start in trouble again you

respect me okay respect me yes sir yes sir all right yes sir carl i'm sorry i don't mean to

be rude you know i love you but yeah but you know you guys go you better listen to what

cody has to say that's an old myth here part of power bun b the story off of his some fucking

piece of shit in her album and we'll be right back with a first prank call after this

hi hi how are you hello yes hello i have pizza yeah what's up he's coming to the hotel

Sorry?

Is come to the hotel?

We don't do delivery here.

I can give you the number of a place that does.

No, but I come to you then.

Yep, that's fine.

How I get there?

Um, catch the bus.

I don't know.

Do you want a delivery?

Cash bus?

How you cash bus?

What is bus?

You put pizza on the bus.

No, we can't do that, sorry.

Make it go.

Do you want to go somewhere that gives you delivery?

Do you know that song?

It goes like this.

Put the pizza on the bus, make it go round.

Make it go round.

them round la la la make a pizza go on the bar can you hang on a sec oh yes baby she said hang

up what it's funny he heard her explaining in the background stupid pizza he's saying his pizza

let's get that an instant replay milkman and we can analyze that here's a new feature on madhouse

radio the instant replay all right baby the instant replay he's coming to the hotel he's

Come to the hotel?

No, but I come to you then.

How I get there?

Cash, boss?

How you cash, boss?

What is boss?

See, this is where it starts getting weird.

You put the pizza on the boss.

We can't do that, sir.

Make it go.

Do you know that song?

It goes like this.

Put the pizza on the boss.

Make it go round and round.

La, la, la.

Make the pizza go on the boss.

Oh, yes, baby.

She said hang up.

That was fun.

Great.

Not bad.

Not a bad first call.

You think that annoys people, like, no, we're going to hear it again?

Or do you think maybe people like it because they can hear it again?

If it's a good call.

No, because we can actually throw a blow-by-blow analysis on it.

And anybody who's actually missed the hot spot, man, you can just hear a real quick replay, man.

It's like NFL action, you know.

So where else but here would you get that?

Another innovation right here in the madhouse.

That's right.

We're at an innovation.

Over on PCU.

Yes.

So, Milkman, how's your weekend been?

It feels better.

Yeah, man.

That was good, man.

Actually, it's going really great, man.

Yeah?

Good.

I had me a large pizza.

Uh-huh.

Large pizza.

And exactly, man.

It was a Domino's Pizza, and I had a humongous...

Man, you wouldn't believe, man.

Yeah.

I barely got through the last few hours, man.

I missed almost 90% of KDK's show because I was in the bathroom, man.

Really?

I thought I was reenacting Elvis.

Here's Elvis.

it's all over man no more oh that's better poor elvis huh you know he was so young and

yeah i'm breaking out in a sweat you miss elvis were you sad when elvis died

how old were you when elvis died when elvis died i'll tell you son i was like 13 years old man

you were 13 when elvis did it you were 13 when elvis died oh seriously milkman come on be serious

serious come on milkman secrets what how old were you when elvis died oh they're 63 come on we just

no tell us the truth how old were you when elvis died i was 63 years old all right break out of

character for a second and be larry no how old were you when that was that's a damn fairy name

what are you talking about man whatever yeah remember that one time i said yeah i hate people

named larry i hate people named larry yeah and he's like yeah yeah me too

we should prank all andy's dad's house just because i got the number i got the number here

i don't think he's there well we can prank it hang on i don't know he might he might he might

know who it is i mean i don't have it here i don't see it oh well anyway who we're gonna call man

what's the name of that one place you uh you tell me about there a while back uh with that

bar and grill oh shit wait a minute oh shit it's two o'clock has to be one on the west coast okay

Or Alaska.

Mm-hmm.

Alaska?

I don't know.

Shakey's or some shit.

Something like that.

Let's pull up AK.

See what we get in Alaska.

Oh, wow.

We got a lot of stuff.

And a lot of stuff that's not even Alaska.

Not to mention here.

Hang on.

Let me try that case here.

All right.

This is better here.

This is still messed up.

Oh, that'd be too hard.

Fat Albert's Tavern and Bunkhouse in Alaska.

What time is it in Alaska?

I love that James guy, too.

James Masterson.

Oh, no, but I'll do Fed Albert here.

But what time is it in Alaska right now, man?

9 o'clock, 10 o'clock?

Oh, let's see.

It's about 3 to...

Yo, you know who we haven't called?

I'm around 10.

You know where we haven't called in a long time?

Where?

Guam.

Oh, yeah, man.

Let's call Excalibur.

I've got a bunch of shit in Guam.

I got KFC.

It's the right time, too.

I've got a Guam adult pediatric clinic.

But that's...

How are you in an adult pediatric clinic?

Okay.

Oh, pediatric is foot, right?

No, that's a podiatrist.

Isn't pediatric a kid?

No, podiatric.

Pediatric is a kid, yeah.

Yeah, pediatric.

Podiatrist is a foot.

Okay, so it's Guam Adult Pediatrics.

Okay, whatever.

We could try to call the Guam Airport Hotel.

How about that, motherfucker?

Guam Automotive.

All right.

Guam Adventist Academy.

Harvest Family.

You see a large order of lumpia.

The hell is that?

It's Filipino food, but they probably have that there.

No lease about it.

They got McDonald's and shit.

it i'm trying to find out where this went here airport hotel where's the dan airport hotel i

don't see it i think one time we called a towing service or something there too or a mechanics

garage or something yeah i don't know we got we got a bunch of stuff let's call cabinets plus

they sold cabinets other furniture and home appliances and what time what time would it

be in guam on a saturday right now five no it's like eight o'clock oh it's um see it's about like

eight or ten hours

forward, so

it's probably close to noon there.

Are you sure? That seems kind of conservative, man.

Well, okay.

Australia is like 13

hours. It's real close to Australia.

Hang on. Watch this.

I'm going to put about 10 or 11 hours.

I don't have my little clock up right now.

If I go in the trivia room,

I bet you I'll find out. So I can get the

weather in Guam, and it'll tell me.

All you do is just get time zones.

Time zones on the

any uh search and i'll tell you right now yeah i don't have time for that you know i know yeah i

mean i really i don't have patience or time for that weather it's daylight just take my word for

it here we go it is 3 54 p.m in guam right now 3 54 p.m that's that's early okay you know that's

early told you it was still daylight yeah we can call plant world in a few hours and then let's

call plant world let's call plant world everybody we're gonna call plant world all right man plant

Plant World and Guam.

It's only 4 o'clock.

I mean, Plant World's got to be open, man.

What the hell kind of plants do we want?

I don't know, man.

Do they have special fertilizer?

Let's find out if they got guano.

We're going to get some plants, baby.

Hey, damn it.

Yeah.

I want to grow me a coconut tree.

I can't wait to get plants, everybody.

And we'll be right back.

Hell, I want some mangoes, too.

Mango.

There you go.

This one goes out better.

I love you, mango.

Oh, man.

We got like an hour, dude.

We got like four hours.

Quiet.

I said quiet.

You be quiet.

and me when I say quiet you say how quiet I'd say absolutely quiet

absolutely positively quiet hey ma'am how are you do I have to be quiet okay

cuz I don't want to be quiet whatsoever okay have the plants is this plant world

hey beautiful plants but when are you opening can you tell me about the plants

though like are they beautiful I want something red what do you have green

plants I want a plant that looks like a vulva do you have one do you have the

vulva plant do you have the the vagine plant I had to get vulgar with her yeah

had to do with Zolar, man. That was good.

The vulva

plant.

It's got a funny smell, like a flower.

You're gonna get the vulva berries.

I'm gonna call some place and ask for

vulva berries.

Vulva berries.

Ask them if you have to shave your

teeth after you're done.

You think the adult pediatric clinic,

that's not gonna be open on a

day, on a Saturday. Audio Vision

Center. Guam Animals

GuamAnimalsInNeed, okay?

Ooh, there you go.

Let's try to call GuamAnimalsInNeed.

I need to find a song to play.

Milkman, any suggestions on a song that we can play?

You got Tarzan or Georgia the Jungle?

No.

Why would you even ask that?

How about Monkey Business by Rolling Stones?

No.

Who's that guy that did that song?

I don't know who.

Yeah.

This one here.

Hang on.

Here comes the next call.

The next

The next piece of shit call

Motherfucker

You know what

The battery already died

Battery

The battery died already

I'm trying to transfer

The other one on here

I don't know how much

Juice this motherfucker has

You gotta take the one

Out of the Mombasa

The 15 inch big gun

Okay

Whatever you said man

I know what you've been doing

The last two days

Shame on you too

You lusty young children

Don't be a gay

You're talking like

What?

You're talking like KDK the gay.

Oh, I ain't talking about KDK, Mr. Cool.

I'm talking about you and that freaking crazy wild woman you got in there, man.

All right, we're going to try this again.

You done done her down.

I'm not honoring that contest anyway.

Y'all heard it here, live in the madhouse.

So it's not an approved contest.

Hi, is it Havid?

I'm sorry?

Is it Havidogs?

Is it Takedog?

Yes.

Okay, the dog has vulva berries.

What?

vulva berries you don't know what vulva berry is is there someone you can ask about it oh i need to

know if you'll take him with the vulva berries or not but it's highly contagious he has berries in

his vulva i have a bag a black bag i put him in the bag he's a big dog he's great dang is he alive

oh yeah he's alive for now you know he's

funny dog he goes away run run away and i come to him and i take

the chair and i throw it at him he goes he goes away away and he walked he walks with the feet

and he's like la la la la la he goes away i have him now i have the dog i call him his name is

vulva there is he has a nice coat is nice and shiny how do you think dog make a coat so shiny

i heard that that they have the power of jesus it makes them all shiny coat i love dog doggy good

how much water safe to give to dog how much water should i give the dog

when i go to their new place keep him for a week okay you keep him for a week and i bring enough

water and food and toilet paper for him what about toilet paper i bring toilet paper but i think i

think maybe i use your bathroom you never know i bring you know two rows do you need some toilet

paper i have a lot of toilet paper here do you have any there what what about soap i have a lot

of soap you know i work in hotel it'll be a problem if two dogs making fight and i you make

people bet on the fight okay i guess she does i guess that's where she draws the line she draws

as a line when it comes to

dogfighting. Milkman, are you there?

Yeah, the Pacific accent was great.

You had me on mute.

Oh, yeah, I forgot. I didn't mean to put you on mute.

Yeah, yeah, I didn't figure

that out, did I?

I'm gonna have to put myself on mute, that's all.

Whatever. We've got funky

food in Australia.

Funky.

Fuck, man.

Real fucking down, getting

down, getting around.

There's a whole lot of rhythm going around.

What's that song, Milkman?

Pumpkin Down.

No, it's like, we want the funk.

Yeah, we want the funk.

Hang on, do I got that song?

We got the funk.

I totally want to hear that song.

Oh, we got the song, Milkman.

We got the funk.

Are you ready to hear this?

This is from the Request Line.

Yeah.

This is what I'm talking about, man.

About time, man.

This reminds me of about fourth grade, man.

Fourth grade.

Toobies burning.

yeah that's what i'm talking about leather hat shiny shoes i think you're pretty damn tough but

jdk is a golden glove champion too he's got retard strength i hear

that's what happens when he combated up prankmaster somebody had to be able to take

him down retard strength but zola was afraid of him well you know he had to knock out dave

there a few minutes ago crazy dave he's the only guy ever give the dead a bowl cut haircut i was

listening i wasn't listening no i wasn't paying attention i was doing stuff washing my hair and

stuff uh-huh yeah yeah that's why your battery went dead yeah i was having phone sex okay fine

with the man that's enough hey you remember who was it that they called doing that remember

moaning very loudly there was a time i did that right that was the other drunk show

Yeah, that was.

Yeah, because in the whole background, he was on Lego's call or somebody.

Somebody's call, yeah.

That fucking Lego, man.

You know, he's another guy.

Yeah, I pretty think it was Lego.

He was in the background.

He's got a lot of attitude.

That was great.

Anyway, Randy Dandy has fecal alcohol syndrome, apparently.

Whatever he has.

Fecal?

I mean fetal.

He's got fecal alcohol syndrome.

He shits beer.

Who is Misery Machine?

misery machine he's some punk ass bitch he's he's a friend of mine in our room oh misery machine he's

uh he's that dude he's he's the guy that's hooking up with the space man what's up misery you there

man uh how come clone is in the lobby and he ain't in our room clones in the lobby clone man get get

in the fucking chat room hey hey misery can you make that cat clone come in from the lobby do you

have the ability to i can't hear fucking hear you there he is hey clone what's up motherfucker

fucker he's got his fucking speakers on what way i'm gonna put oh he's probably stuck shit now

something's going on over here in my head uh that's direct noise from clone man he's locked

solid uh this is me i got something going on with uh with a connection here or something

god damn it i'm way too drunk to be a moombauster you're draining the bandwidth i'm not doing shit

damn break i'm not doing anything asleep anyway i think he's had enough o's for the night

all right enough all right shut up who we're calling next misery who should we call you got

got a number for us to call man i don't know all right whatever he said it's great to have misery

around everybody aren't you excited about that i do not know i do not know i do not know you know

what i go for right now lobster bisque man yeah nice fat lobster bisque you know all nice and

creamy with the lobster and the cheese and all that that fat lard stuff you know let's take let's

see if clone's back hey clone you there clone's still working on it we'll turn him off he's baked

He's still working on it.

I'll take him off mute as soon as he comes back.

Send me a message once you're back there, old clone, homegrown, old guy, old cat, old pal.

We've got 47 listeners at fucking 2.30 in the morning.

Well, hell yeah.

Well, yeah, white power, everybody.

Yeah.

We've got a big crowd here tonight, motherfuckers.

What's that one song you always play, man, about ride the white horse?

Ride the white horse.

If you want to ride.

Well, we're playing a lot of funk, man.

Let's play a lot of funk.

George Clinton.

What do I got here with George Clinton?

Oh, yeah, man.

All right.

We're in Parliament.

Okay, we got Bob Gunn.

We got Atomic Dog, Dr. Funkenstein, Erotic City, Jungle...

Jungle City.

Hang on.

Jungle Boogie.

Nah.

Flashlight.

Here we go.

Jungle Boogie.

This is such a gay show, man.

I hate that kids.

I am way too drunk to be doing this show.

The very first ghetto blasters, man.

The GEs wouldn't have had to put 8D batteries in this thing, like, weighed 10 pounds.

Yeah, we're really playing gay music.

He's like, Misery, this isn't the kind of music we normally play in this show, honestly, okay?

I'm sure he's listening to us like, what the fuck?

You know he's a liar, so don't pay any attention to him.

Shut up.

Shut up, Milkman.

You've been gone for a long time because you don't know how to behave.

You know?

Just shut the fuck up.

Don't pay me no more, Dad.

Yeah, Misery, if you're just tuning in, I've been drinking all night and smoking all night,

and I decided to get on the air.

I'm a drunk and stupid to do prank calls.

And we've called Australia, and who else have we called?

We've called Australia so far, right?

Guam twice.

And Guam.

Yeah, let's call Guam again.

Those people are fun.

Yeah, a woman wanted to know if she could shave your vulva.

Yeah, I keep talking about the vulvas, too.

Okay, let's call KFC in Guam.

We got that going on.

Oh, we got a TV station in Guam, too, man.

Ooh.

Yeah.

I don't know about that.

McDonald's.

W-G-U-A-M.

No, it's not that.

that. All right, we'll call a McDonald's in Guam, all right? I'm hungry. Tell them I want

a Whopper. Yeah, we'll do that. Listen to this one here. Oh, excuse me. Hello, ma'am?

Yes, sir. Hi, is this McDonald's? Yes. Okay, great. I'd like to make an order for pickup,

please. Okay. Are you ready? Yes, sir. Okay, and let the McDougan sandwich, please. I'm

sorry? The McDougan? I'm sorry, sir? The McDougan, the McDougan. McDougan? Yeah. I'm

I'm sorry, but we don't have the McChicken, we only have the Dobo Cheeseburger and McChicken for the special, for the one dollar.

Okay, do you have the Volvo Burger?

I'm sorry?

The Volvo Burger.

Oh, no.

Do you know what that is?

I'm sorry, sir?

The Volvo Burger.

Dobo?

Volvo Burger. Can you ask real quick if you have the Volvo Burger there?

Hold on.

Okay.

I'm sorry, Volvo?

Volvo Burger.

Volvo?

Yeah.

Okay, hold on.

Okay.

I'm sorry, we only have snack wrap.

Do you have the Fur Burger?

I'm sorry?

The Fur Burger.

Oh, no, sir.

Just ask real quick, because it just came out this week.

Can you ask her real quick if you have the Fur Burger?

And I'll leave you alone, I promise.

How'd I?

Okay.

Did she hang up?

What the hell?

I don't know.

Well, I got her to say Fur Burger, at least.

No, I got her to say Vulva Burger.

Vulva Burger, I mean.

That's what I got her to say.

That's funny.

Call back and ask her if she can say the Madhouse, and we'll make a promo out of it.

We're going to call a different McDonald's, ask for the Fur Burger.

We'll call the one in New York.

These guys are bright enough that they could actually say Madhouse.

I don't think so.

They're barely Americans, man.

You ask him for too much.

Okay, we're calling another number in Guam.

Hang on, folks.

All right.

Boy, what are you doing now?

He's just always talking shit.

Appreciate it.

Him and Connor are buddies.

Oh, really?

La, la, la, la, la, la.

What was that button at the beginning there?

Did you hit a button at the beginning there?

Um, when I picked it up, yeah, it accidentally hit me.

Oh, my God, that's crazy.

Why?

You made a mistake.

No, because the phone is a dumb.

You know, when you lift it up.

You don't know how to use the phone.

Oh, hello?

I'm just kidding.

You know, we're friends.

We're like family, right?

Oh, yeah.

Hey, do you have the new fur burger?

No, sir.

Can you ask?

Fur burger?

Yeah.

What else is a fur burger here?

What about vulva burger?

The who?

The vulva burger.

Okay, hold on a minute, okay?

Okay.

May I help you?

Yeah, hi, sweetie.

How are you?

Okay, may I help you?

Yeah, do you have the vulva burger?

The vulva burger.

Uh, you're calling KFC?

Yeah.

We didn't have...

Oh, you don't?

Oh, this is chicken?

Yeah?

Oh.

Oh, okay.

You don't have McDonald's?

Well, I thought this was McDonald's.

I made a mistake.

I was supposed to call...

Hey, can you hold...

My friend wants to make an order.

Can you hold the line?

Like, two seconds.

I have to tell you to get it from the other room.

Get it.

Okay.

There's other people that need to use the phone.

Okay.

Give me two seconds.

We'll be right on.

Okay, honey baby?

We're John Masters.

Okay.

Thank you.

Hello?

She hung up.

hey are you in the cell phone hello are you talking on the cell phone woman no why do i

hear myself what is that who is it over there what do you mean who is this who is this over

there i say this is mcdonald's sir yes i know is your name mcdonald when we answer when we

answer the phone we say our name what is that sir i say when you answer the phone you say your name

god damn it do you know who i am i don't know you i'm the president of show business and when i say

When I call, you say, my name is la la la, this is McDonald's, how can I help it?

Say it just like that, okay, ready?

We pretend, the phone, and you pick up the phone and you say, go.

Hello, would you answer the phone again, the right way?

Sir, we're just busy right now, that's why, we have to shortcut whatever we're saying.

We're doing that, we are doing that, but now we're busy.

Ma'am, I'll be happy to tell you what I need if you promise to start again.

the right way okay hello sir yeah can i help you sir what is no no no it's like this thank you for

calling mcdonald's my name is so and so how can i help you okay and one okay thank you thank you

yeah go ahead one two three go no customer say your name when you do that yes this is marilyn

sir can i help you okay you're gonna say just like this thank you for calling mcdonald's my

My name is Myrna. How can I help you?

Oh, my God.

One, two, three, go.

You're not supposed to wait so long.

Oh, my God.

They're out there.

Who do you think I am?

Bob over there.

I'm Mike Bob over there.

What's his name?

They've been calling the other McDonald's.

We got a fax.

We got an email.

Hello, sir?

Yes, hello.

Yeah, this is Myrna. Can I help you, sir?

No!

Thank you for calling McDonald's.

Thank you for calling McDonald's again. Can I help you?

No!

Thank you for calling McDonald's.

This is Myrna.

How can I help you?

Yes, this is people calling McDonald's again.

This is Myrna.

Can I help you, sir?

Why did you say again?

Oh, my God, sir.

I have a customer right now.

What can I help you?

What is the customer like?

Does he not like customer service?

Can I help you, sir?

Does he not like customer service?

Oh, my goodness.

I already told you what to do.

You told me what to do, and I'm doing it.

What do you want me to do?

What is the customer?

Tell the customer, my name is Myrna.

How can I assist you today?

Oh, my God.

Let me hear you say it.

Put the customer on the phone.

I have a customer right now waiting for me in the front.

Well, let me hear you help him out.

She still put it down again.

She's coming back.

Tell me you want to talk to the customer this time.

Make sure they're getting proper service.

Oh, man.

Still on, man.

We can edit this out later.

Stay there.

The customer online.

Burger Me K.

It's taking too long.

It's just taking too long.

It's taking too long.

Taking too long.

It's taking too long.

It sounds really busy there though.

It sounds like chaos over there man.

You hear it?

Yeah.

We're gonna have to hang up. She's not calling back.

Let's call back in about 10 minutes.

Yeah, well she's gonna lose the phone off her hook.

Oh my god

4, 3, 2, 1

Hello this is Myrna how may I help you

Okay I hung up that's enough

We waited long enough Myrna was great

Maybe we'll call her some other time

Yeah let's call her back a little bit later man

Maybe later

Call her back and tell her your two school buses coming in

Okay yes yes we will

Let's see if Cloned is back

Cloned homegrown are you there

But somebody's echoing me.

Hey, that's him.

Hang on, watch this, watch this.

One, two, three, four.

One, three, four.

It's weird, right?

Wow, man, did you hear that?

I was probably freaking cloned out over there.

One, two, okay.

Everyone's a fraud, you never know.

Yeah, stuff like that happens all the time to him.

Anyway, so Misery Machine, can you talk yet?

Is your camera still up?

And he just breaks up when he talks.

He's like.

He's like, is this a measuring machine here?

That's how he talks.

Hey, here's a measuring machine.

No, I'm kidding.

He's got this band called Burning Oath, and they were banned off of MTV.

Oh, cool.

Yeah, they said some stuff about MTV, and they completely banned them off of MTV forever and stuff.

And he burnt down the speaker at this concert.

Yeah, he burnt down the speaker at this concert, and it collapsed and everything, and these people got hurt.

And MTV said they were going to put...

Oh, cool.

Yeah, and now they don't know what they're going to do.

it was just like great white but with kerosene kerosene intentionally with kerosene for the

insurance money while the people were still there kerosene and sparklers roman candles

it was a great it was a good idea at the time he just wanted the kerosene for the smell of it

and the roman candles for the look and it just didn't combine well yeah he had really misery

machine had has a really bad pyrotechnics coordinator guy fire is so metal

a can of gas

and some M80s

put his M80

in a can of gas

and let it go off

in the middle of the stage

there's the pyrotechnics

that'd be so awesome

bam

that'd be

that'd do some damage man

that would do some damage

oh man

I'm in a fucked up

mood tonight Misery

how's the gaming

going for you man

I haven't played

too much lately

well that's good

good for you

is the band

keeping you busy

do you have a bassist yet

you said you had trouble

with a bassist

uh

the drummer

Oh, a drummer.

Okay.

Well, good for you, man.

And what's your MySpace page?

It's myspace.com forward slash burning oath.

Is that right?

Slash burning oath, yeah.

Slash burning oath.

Everybody check that out.

I'm on your page, fucker.

Yeah, you are.

You're right here.

Fuck yours.

I'm right there.

Yeah.

Myspace.com forward slash madhouse live.

And yeah, check it out.

I definitely say you should check it out.

Anyway, any suggestions on what we can do next, Wizarding Machine?

Sheen, we're calling international numbers tonight.

We're an international show tonight, sir.

All right.

Well, if that McDonald's is real busy, you could call them up and tell them you got, like, a soccer team

with two busloads coming in for a bunch of chicken sandwiches.

Can you just start making those cheeseburgers?

She'll make them all.

They're really trusting in Guam.

I need 40 of these.

Yeah, these people in Guam are really naive.

That's why I like to fuck with them, because they stay on the phone for a long time.

I could talk the weirdest shit, and they'll just stay on the phone.

So stupid.

Stupid mungs.

I'm sorry.

Milkman's, like, half Japanese.

I'm sorry.

That's really...

I'm sorry, Milkman.

That's very insensitive of him.

Yeah.

Milkman drinks a lot of milk.

Are you diabetic yet, Milkman?

Good idea.

Okay.

Coconut milk.

Whatever you say, man.

All right.

Let's do a song here while we do the next call.

We're calling Guam again.

We're going to call...

Let's call another McDonald's, I guess.

We can fuck with that shit.

Or Burger King.

You know, let's try Burger King.

Let's see what's going on with that.

Hey, let's call Fur Burger King.

Oh, we can call...

There's all that pizza out again, but let's call it Burger King.

Hang on.

News.

Breaking news.

We have the red ass in Australia, just confirmed.

We're going to be calling that instead.

You have.

Googly Moogly is on his shit.

The red ass.

The album is not Zeppelin's great.

Your current value to talk for.

Two hours, seven minutes, 29 seconds.

Actual minutes are very perfect.

Yo, yo, this is on.

That's on Led Zeppelin's greatest hits, yo.

It is.

I got it right, too.

No album, except on 3.

No, it's not.

It's the Red Ass, Jeff speaking.

Hello, yo, is this the Red Ass?

That's Jesus.

Yo, that's awesome, yo.

You look like a bar.

Have I got the what?

Yo, I just got kicked out of the army, yo.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

How are you going there?

I'm from America.

I got kicked out of the army.

Oh, are you?

Yo, yeah, so I'm in Australia looking for the black scriptures, you know.

Looking for the what?

I got the map in Afghanistan, yo.

Oh, right, have you?

Yeah, this Australian cat, he gave me this map with some treasure out here.

Oh, really?

Yo, so what's up?

Yo, you got a room I can stay in, yo?

A room that I can stay in?

Yeah, man, come on.

Who am I talking to?

My name is Eddie Garcia.

Is this Max?

Who?

You's Max?

Is this Mr. Max?

No, no, man, this is Garcia, yo.

What's happening here?

What's going on?

Yo, my name is Eddie Garcia, man.

I'm from Puerto Rico.

All right.

Good to get on you.

Yo, I was an American soldier and I got kicked out.

Oh, were you?

Yeah.

And you got kicked out?

Yeah, then I arm wrestled this Australian special ops dude, you know, in Afghanistan for this map.

And I beat him.

And he said there's buried treasure, he said, up here in Australia.

So I came here, yo.

Right, so you're after a buried treasure.

He said it was up here in Adelaide, yo.

Oh, I see.

Yeah.

Very good.

Well, good luck with it.

I need a tour guide, man.

You need a tour guide?

Yeah, I'm at the airport, yo.

Oh, right, are ya?

Yo, they're sendin' the shit.

Very good. So, uh, where'd you get my number from?

I got it out of the phone book, yo. This guy said call the red ass.

Very good.

Yeah. So, what, you got beer? You got, where's the hotel, or what, yo?

Uh, no, no hotel. We're just a restaurant.

Oh, okay. Well, you got french fries?

French fries?

Yeah.

Oh, we can manage that, yeah.

Yo, fuck that. I want freedom fries, motherfucker.

Oh, right. Okay, well...

Yo, I want Freedom Fries, motherfucker.

Don't play with me, motherfucker.

Give me Freedom Fries, motherfucker.

We got no Freedom Party.

You a fucking traitor, yo.

We saved your ass in Vietnam, motherfucker.

All right. Good luck.

Yo, we saved your ass in Vietnam, motherfucker.

Give me Freedom Fries, motherfucker.

Bye.

Black motherfucker.

Oh, man, that was weird.

I didn't know what to think of that.

This is like Freedom Fries.

Okay, whatever, man.

Whatever you say, American man.

He likes it, man.

Whatever.

Any thoughts on that misery machine?

Call a pizza joint down there, down under, and ask them if you can get Vegemite topping.

Vegemite?

Yeah.

The hell's Vegemite?

They'll know where it is down off.

Tell them you're a Vegemite kid.

What, a vegetarian?

You want Vegemite topping on your pizza.

What's that?

No.

I'm not going to say it until you tell me what it is.

It's this yeast shit.

It's black and gooky, man.

And they say it tastes like hell, but they love it down there.

Vegemite?

I've never heard of that shit.

What's it made out of?

Pig ass or something?

Yeah, Vegemite.

It's yeast.

I told you, yeast.

Wow, man.

Hey.

Nasty shit.

You know what the shit is?

Aren't those people all descended from, like, convicts and stuff?

that's sick really yeah yeah australia is a bunch

of convicts man that's where misery was a penal colony it was a penal colony there's a penal

colony now the aborigines those are back in the room who are the aborigines they're they're the

natives right yeah and so what happened they suck right i heard i heard of them have penises or they

can't fuck humans or something and there's something like that i don't do like a different

species they say like well no like a human can't get one pregnant i heard or something

i don't like a regular person can't get an aborigine pregnant apparently they can only

get each other pregnant i think isn't that for real or am i am i way off base here well i think

i think i think you're quite wrong but no i really think that it's impossible for a regular

human to get a aborigine pregnant i don't know i don't know why do you go well yeah let's google

Google that, everybody.

Let's find out if they have vulvas and if they enjoy vulva burgers.

Yeah, and I want to see some Aborigine porn, man.

Do you think there's any Aborigine porn out there?

No, but I've been trying to get some for a while, man.

No, really.

I would like to see some Aborigine porn.

Hey, Misery, can you...

I've been asking for a while.

You know, Misery, he's got a porno site.

Do you think you could run across some Aborigine porn, man?

Honestly.

I am looking for some right now.

How about you tell me how to spell it?

Aborigine?

How do you spell aborigine?

He's from Australia, I'm telling you.

He probably has aborigine porn, man.

Australian aborigines.

A-B-O-R-I-G-I-N-E.

I-N-E.

Aborigine.

Are you sure that's right?

Yes, or aboriginal.

Aborigine.

G-N-E.

I thought it was G-N-E.

I don't know, whatever.

If you Google it, it'll come up.

I-N-A-L.

it'll come up

on google

aboriginal

porn

honestly man

if anybody

that calls out there

we want aborigine

porno

in video form

preferably

I've been trying

to get some

for a while

I think it'd be

nice and hot

I'd like to see

an aborigine

shit game

that's kind of

taboo

man this is

the most taboo

of the most taboo

man this is

aborigine porn

you can't even

get them pregnant

let's do it

hell yeah

yeah

so yeah

they told me

that they got

a sideways slot

yeah that's

No, that's the Japanese.

Oh, I got you.

No, that's not Japanese, man.

I done checked that out.

Yeah, right.

Coming out, you did.

That's me, man.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Good shit.

You're a gay.

You're a gay, you know that?

Yeah, let's see what's up in Australia.

You're not supposed to tell anybody our secret.

Well, let's see what's up in Australia.

We have 42 results for Australia, everybody.

What's up your butt tonight?

Okay, enough of that.

We have 42 results in Australia, boy.

December 13th, the first time we called Australia.

Okay.

Oh, we did this already.

Ha ha.

Okay.

You want to call that...

Let's call that casino in Australia.

All right.

Okay, let's do that.

We have to find...

Bing, bing, bing, bing.

Yeah, this is the Blackjack Knights Casino in South Yarra, Victoria, Australia.

I have no idea where the fuck that is.

But let's find that out.

And like I said, everybody, please, we want Aborigine porn as soon as possible here.

I have a hankering.

Please, please, hook me up.

I have a hankering for some spankering of some Aborigine porn.

Let's make that happen.

Australian Aboriginal.

Let's make that happen.

Females only.

You listen to this.

They got Aborigines in Canada.

Aborigines in Canada?

Yeah.

Yeah, but we're looking for Aboriginals of Australia.

Yeah, they're these nigger looking things.

And they're really short.

Find it.

No, they're not pygmies.

They're pygmy born.

They're specifically Tasmanian Aboriginal.

There you go.

That's the one.

That's a gay ring.

Australia.

Thank you for calling Action Events.

I'm sorry, our office is unattended at present.

Please leave a brief message after the tone,

and we'll return your call as soon as we can.

If you're urgent, you're being transferred to the operator.

Transferred?

Thank you for calling Action Events.

I'm sorry, our office is unattended.

Damn it, man.

That didn't work.

We can try to call a different one, then.

Let's call the Casino Fun Nights.

Wait a minute.

We've got to have some casinos in the States, man.

In Vegas?

Let's do a search for Casino Vegas.

Las Vegas. Searching for casino players.

They're pretty straight up there, man.

Fucking mob people.

I don't know.

They don't give you much play.

Well, here we go. From September 1st, way back September 1st, almost a year ago here, 2005, in Las Vegas.

You've got the Aladdin Resort and Casino, or the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino.

Let's try to call the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino.

We called like a casino on Hawaii once, too.

Yeah, imagine that.

That was where we had that one woman that talked to us for a while.

Hey, wait a minute.

Do I have that information for the THAC conference?

Oh, you should, because we called it last night.

Yeah, who did we get that from?

Nunu, right?

Right.

Do you have those numbers?

No, he sent them to you.

Oh, shit, I have no idea.

He told me.

I don't have any idea how to get them now.

Fuck.

All you got to do is just open his name back up.

Yeah, he's offline.

Now I actually got to go in there.

Is he from the IRC or a name?

Anyway, here's a scoop from Misery.

uh misery in the chat room who's also here on on the line he says that almost all of the tasmanian

aboriginal peoples today are descendants of several women really okay that's weird born in

the web building a camp on flinders island went on to raise 11 children what the hell man aborigines

are weird and fucked up man fuck those nasty old they die i can't wait for the world like to get

hit by a comet so all the aborigines will die they have to be in canada and taiwan too how are they

in canada and taiwan those people are still like the gypsies of of australia the gypsies of the

pacific another word for indigenous oh okay oh i see well the australian ones are the ones that

are all freaky that's that's the porn i want to see is aborigine porn tasmanian aborigine porn

telling that'd be great if not we need to do that we need to go to australia and do that misery

there's there's something we could do you know i'm sure that has to be with you yeah we'll go to

australia we'll do some aborigine porn we'll give them some money you know an offer to to be

in these porno movies.

I bet you'd be great.

I mean, what aboriginal,

what native fucking tribe person

wouldn't do that

for a chance out of the bush?

I would.

Right, they don't wear much anyway.

Yeah, exactly.

I'd take the cock.

Just to get out, you know?

These idiots,

they gave up their islands

to be nuked by the United States

without a test.

I'm sure they'll do some porn.

I'll be fine.

Not a problem at all.

Okay, hang on.

Let me get into the archives here

so I can pull up Nunu, who sent me that information for that shit, for that fat acceptance conference.

Which, apparently, they're all still there.

Because KDK already called a bunch of these people.

What's the link for the Aboriginal porn?

Um, there's none.

I can't fucking open this shit.

Now, here we go.

Stop it.

Shut up.

You're being gay.

Alright, I found it here.

Here we go.

That's clones.

They're in, uh, they're in Massachusetts.

It's not cloned.

It's not even on.

Let's see if it clones with us.

Clone!

phone. One, two, three, four. That's cool. Okay, we're calling the fatties. Hang on,

everybody. I suppose we're not even picking up the phone over there anymore. I guess we've

pimped out that place far too much. Do you think that Dunkin' Donuts that we call is

a 24-hour Dunkin' Donuts, man? All Dunkin' Donuts are 24 hours. Not all of them. There's

a few here in Florida that aren't. A lot of them are, a few of them aren't. A lot of them

are, a few of them indeed are not. They're like the only thing up here that is open 24

for hours. Yeah, yeah, that sucks. Hang on, let's see here. Where do I go? Where do I

go? Trillion search. Okay. Dunkin' Donuts in Greenfield. Here we go. Our favorite crazy

Arab motherfucker. Let's call him. Dunkin' Donuts. Hello. Dunkin' Donuts, your mom. Hello.

Hi. Yes. Dunkin' Donuts, your mom. Excuse me. Dunkin' Donuts, your mom. Excuse me, I'm

busy okay yellow bike he's stupid that was his mom actually right there she works there too

we found out i don't know if that's his mom i think it's his mom but uh yeah we harass that

guy a lot and it feels good we feel we feel better for it everybody indeed we do how about we call

one more australia number we call it a night we've got uh yeah we've got pedro's pizza in adelaide

australia you know i'm saying what time is it over there now it's uh about 4 a.m

4 p.m.

4 p.m.?

4 p.m.

Stay here.

Pedro, it's Pedro Morfafel.

Can I grab your phone number, please?

Yeah, what up, dawg?

Pedro, it's Pedro?

Yeah, this Pedro?

No.

Yo, I need to speak to Pedro, yo.

Um, do you want pizza or not?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Pedro is my cousin.

I'm in town.

I want Vegemite topping.

Okay.

Yeah, you got Vegemite?

No.

What do you mean you don't have Vegemite?

Yo, what are you going to be telling my business everywhere, motherfucker?

What is Vegemite?

Is that vagina, you asshole?

Did you make me say something gay?

No, it's just black, gunky shit.

It's yeet, man.

Whatever.

It's kind of like cheesy and mushroomy.

No, you made me say something gay.

You thought it'd be funny.

You thought it'd be funny to make me say something gay.

Yeah, you did.

No.

Whatever.

Say goodbye to the people.

Do your ending things real quick.

And don't be too nice to certain people that I don't like.

Why are you a damn freak?

Why are you going to go off?

We just get more and more.

Because it's time.

Because it's 3.15 and I got shit to do tomorrow.

so come on

make it quick too

come on

oh shit

you've been doing it

all night

damn it

fuck you

son of a bitch

man I'd like to thank

madman

fuck you son of a bitch

buddy man

wonderful

son of a bitch

fucking bitch

fuck you

motherfucker

anyway

kiss my dick

shut up

I'll cut you off

if I want

that's right

damn it

cut my dick off

Mr. Madman

we love you man

thank you so much

for all you do

out there

you give us a

wonderful boxing

and Matt's just punching ring here, man.

Everybody can smack each other down

and come out smiling and laughing later, man.

That's right, the wonderful chat room

right here on this server, man.

Lazy-net.de

IRC-net.lazy-net.de

Thank you so much, Matt, man.

Also, Dr. Lego, man,

our wonderful sponsor and voice

who gives us our way to reach this world

and spread the audio currents around this world.

It is the humor and nutty humor of the Madhouse.

and pcu thank you so much dr ligo also katie care benevolent sponsor the cerebro the prank world the

man that had the foresight and a thought to bring you mass live we love you katie thanks so much

also carly the the crazy homosexual guy here raving puerto rican man that comes on here and

likes to fuck with everybody say i'm gonna smack you in the mouth carly though thanks a lot man so

so much so everybody out there listening right now we love you all it's really it's all about

you man hey i'm not gonna say no i'm not gonna thank milkman oh ha ha ha no thank you milkman

that's all right it's all about you the listeners man it's all about me carlito fuck the listeners

don't cost a dime to you and we pay it it's all about carlito is that's right he's a big selfish

his pigs. He pays every night

for you to have some enjoyment, too.

I pay every night. Thanks a lot, man.

I make my ass very available,

motherfuckers. That's right.

Thank you, Doug. You gotta see what

Tina does to his ass, man. That's why

I had a humongous shit earlier.

Anyway, thanks a lot, Carlito, brother, man,

for having me on. And Andy, you homosexual.

You son of a bitch, Andy. I hope you don't wreck a truck

with a big dildo up your ass, man.

I'll be dying. Take it easy.

Alright, Carlito, thanks a lot. Thank you,

Milkman. Thank you.

Thank you, Milkman.

Thank you.

Thank you, Lonesome Loser.

Thank you to Misery for letting us on here.

Misery, say something, damn it.

Mr. Misery, thank you.

Thank you.

Good night.

Good night from Misery.

Misery.com.

No, I'm kidding.

Whatever it is.

Burning Oath.

Burning Oath of Fire.

The Ring of Fire.

TheBurningOath.com.

BurningOath.com, everybody.

Be sure to visit BurningOath.com.

The Ring of Fire.

And BurningOath.net also, I'm sure.

He owns that also, I heard.

I'm bringing speakers for kerosene at mtv.com.

The new album is coming soon also, everybody.

So be sure to listen to that and request it.

And put it right there in the toilet.

Speaker cabinet's on fire.

Put it all over the place, all over it.

Everybody come here.

Everybody come here right now.

When you come to me and you're on my show and you want to talk,

and what do I do, Milkman?

What do I let the people do?

You tell them I'm going to smash you in the mouth.

When the people want to call in, when the people want to talk, I say, go ahead, motherfucker.

Say your shit.

I'm not a bad person, right?

Piss my ass.

Oh, no.

I'm good to these people, man.

I'm good to every last one of them.

They're lucky.

They're lucky and they need to learn a lesson sometimes, though.

Just for that, let's get a news update from Madhouse Radio News.

Just a second here.

What's this, worldonion.com?

I have today been in touch with the Prime Ministers of Israel and Lebanon

to discuss with them the exact date and time

when the cessation of hostilities called for violence will enter into force.

The U.N. Security Council passed a resolution Friday calling for an end to the violence.

CNN's Brent Sadler says Hezbollah is refusing to disarm in the South.

Oh, no shit, they're going to refuse to disarm in the South, you stupid bitch cunt.

You stupid fucking news and stupid fucking everybody.

No comment? Fine.

I'm cutting you both off.

Miser, you're out of here.

You're out. See ya.

Milkman, you're out of here, too.

I had clones over smoke, too, man.

Yeah, I'll shut you off.

I'm busy having a one-man smoking contest.

All right, good for you, Miser. You keep doing that.

Living the dream.

Clone! Let's put Clone back on.

He's blasting the show and the speakers, and he's not even there. He's not talking.

he's taking a big shit

he probably got beat up by his wife again

I heard his wife beats him up

his wife beats him up all the time

that's it everybody thank you for listening

thank you Milkman thank you KDK

or whatever your name is

thank you everybody and thank you

and thank you

thank you

Who the fuck is this?

Oh, God.

Hey, man.

What?

What's going on?

Who the fuck is this?

That's your dirty laundry over here.

Who?

Who is this?

Hey.

Something right here.

Can't stay in your car.

You like, you like, you like,

I'm black.

I ain't no black number.

No conversation.

Don't, don't make me call,

call the police.

Yeah, you know what's up.

Yeah, I'm gonna blackmail you.

I'm so scared.

Ah, turkey ass motherfucker.

What's the problem now?

Drive turkey, you bitch.

You didn't hear it, boy.

You drive turkey motherfucker.

Man, you can show me a place where I'm about to go whoop some motherfuckers ass

because I don't even know who the fuck you're talking about.

How much are you going to charge, you guys?

Pick somebody up over here to attach a tab.

Man, this ain't no motherfucking taxi cab.

I'm trying to fucking pick somebody up.

I'm going to whoop their goddamn ass.

I kicked your ass, you son of a bitch, and your goddamn mother.

What?

Your mother.

You motherfucking nigger.

How you like that, you piece of shit?

I'm not a fucking nigger.

I'm a bitch.

You nigger motherfucker.

How you like it, man?

What?

Man, I'm a motherfucking 5th and 5th goddamn phone.

This is a white man that don't want to hear from no goddamn niggas calling me in the fucking middle of the night.

Listen, listen boy, listen boy, listen boy.

I'll show you a boy in a 12-gauge shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen, cracker.

I'm going to have three letters.

Listen here, cracker. Listen here, cracker.

You call me cracker, I'll show you some fucking three-letter, motherfucker.

I'll see you here. I'll see you here.

Are you Michael Frazier?

Man, this ain't Michael Frazier, man. This is a white man.

What's up with that?

Look, let me just ask you real quick.

First of all, why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you, you stupid bitch.

Please, Andrew.

How you doing, man?

I'm staying in Honolulu, you know what I'm saying?

And I like chicken.

I'll take you to the street.

If a wing in your pocket and hit me.

Yeah, but I'm only one over here.

I cannot drop a chicken on you.

We would give you a couple hundred dollars, though.

Even though, guys.

You ready?

I wish I was the governor.

Just pretend I'm sitting on you, okay?

No problem.

Yeah, well, I gotta go please do wash your hands. Yeah

Well, you have to do this stuff

The very interesting radio you have very interesting radio thing if you have that, you know

I think it's like that's um shows me that you have like nothing going

No, I got plenty see what we do man. I do

What you do like

Stupid yeah, really people actually listen to this shit

Everybody listens to this shit, man.

Not everybody, because anybody with a half a brain that I know don't listen.

Anybody with a half a brain would listen to this show instead of eating your shitty-ass pizza.

How old are you?

Thirteen.

Yeah, fucking right.

You sound like you're fucking eighteen or nineteen.

I'm thirteen, I said.

Yeah, right.

Yes, I was born thirteen years ago last Friday.

I'm hanging up, and you better not call.

Do you have stripes in your underwear?

Do I have what?

Stripes in your underwear.

You are a sick fuck.

Come on, let me talk to your sister, man.

Be a pal.

No!

Have you ever seen your sister naked?

No!

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up

or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (14, 38 min of 1 h 24 min)

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