2006-08-17 Show

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Good evening, everybody.

Whoa, we are way too loud.

Son of a bitch.

Good evening, everybody.

You're listening to Madhouse Radio.

It is now 10.04 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

We are starting closer to the normal time, and we are here.

Welcome.

with me of course as usual we have none other than the milkman milkman who is the three-time

domino champion of the caribbean milkman what's up milkman how you doing man what are you saying

carlito man not much not much we're just here we're going to have a good show tonight glad to

be back with you here at hermano i want to say hello out there to all my friends man my buddy

The yachts in there about there.

Peace to you, land, man.

We're going to rock this place tonight.

Yes, we're going to rock this place, and we're going to rape it,

we're going to fuck it, and then we're going to kill it.

That's what my plan is.

Hey, that sounds like a lick it, flick it, and stick it, man.

Let's rape it, fuck it, and kill it.

Also, of course, our new member of the Madhouse, of Madhouse Radio,

none other than Clone Homegrown Clone.

What's up, man?

How's it going?

Smoke weed every day.

What's up, people?

What's up, man?

How's your week been, bro?

It's been good, bro.

just chilling smoking you know hey what else that's that's what god wants us to do man

that's exactly what god living the dream milkman carlito and cloned living the dream here every

thursday night and um yeah we're gonna smooth it out a little bit here we're gonna relax you

guys up for friday so you can get ready for your weekend and style the weekend doesn't mean shit

to me because i have to work saturday and sunday i don't have a day off until uh i don't have a

day off until next saturday actually and whatever what can you say about that grave injustice yes

yeah it is but i need to make money i gotta buy stuff i need stuff for the show i need a new

computer and i need uh gotta buy gas gotta buy gas i know right i gotta work a second job just

to pay for the gas to get to my first job so well if you get to a domino's piece that you

won't have no problem with the gas you know yeah yeah but you can't really burn that kind of gas

That's not going to work.

I tried farting in my gas tank, and it didn't work.

I tried farting in the old gas tank.

Yeah, it didn't work too well.

Did not work too well.

But we're here.

The toll-free line will be up tonight.

The toll-free line, I'm not going to give it out yet,

but Milkman, don't doubt that, how the toll-free line is back,

just like I said it would be.

That's great, man.

That's great.

So everybody be prepared to call in tonight.

The toll-free line is up, and we will open the airwaves

The Airwaves, like no other show on PC who does Madhouse Radio, we are the most consistent show.

We are always on every week, exception, I think, four times in our tenure of just over a year that we have not had a show.

And even when we don't have a show, we play a repeat.

So no matter what you're hearing.

We have the most bong hits.

Yes, we also have the most bong hits from Cloned.

And you have the most cats on this show, a combined total of three cats between Milkman and myself.

Meow.

yeah we are the we're the biggest cat show now okay yeah and that reminds me we have to say

we have to say let's the milkman killed the music real quick there we have something serious to talk

about we have unfortunately we have lost a member of the pcu family i'm sure you guys are aware of

this we have lost uh katie k's cat uh katie k and k bones cat mouse so let's go ahead and play

Let's go ahead and play Taps for good ol' Mouse.

How old was Mouse?

I think he said 10 or 19.

Clone, can you get the bong ready there to take a rip real quick for Mouse?

I'll take that one.

All right, deal.

This is for Master.

Light one up.

Rest in peace, Mouse.

Smoke weed every day.

There it is.

Thank you, Clone Homegrown.

And, Milkman, what do you do?

I play taps.

Clone takes a bong rep.

What do you do?

Actually, I just had me a big old drink here, some soda.

Chicken soda.

Cocaine cola.

I got some coke.

I did some soda over here, baby.

Chicken soda.

Yeah, yeah.

So, um.

Hard to.

Yeah, well, thank you, everybody.

Milkman, start that music up here.

There we go.

All right.

Okay, so we're back here again, and we have things to talk about and pranks to do.

Lonesome Loser is already sending numbers in.

He sent me a number to Monster Tattoo.

We also have a number to Honeybeer.

Milkman, do you have a phone card readily available here?

Because I don't even know if I have a phone card that's workable tonight.

Oh, God, no, no, don't tell me that, man.

I don't have one in my hand.

That might be a problem.

I think I do.

I think I have at least a domestic card here.

Oh, Lord.

Oh, shit.

I just realized that.

brother yeah we'll be okay we'll be okay we'll work it out all right don't worry about it lonesome

loser might have one if not i think i have one a spare one here that we'll check here in a second

but for the time being if you want to reach tell lonesome if he can spare one then i'll find one

replace it i'll gain one of my cards yeah we have the uh the the phone card and the phone card

exchange bank here at pcu that we have the phone card exchange bank or anybody out there um if you

You want to get a hold of us here tonight on the show?

And Lonesome Loser just sent us three cards, man.

Thank you, Lonesome Loser.

A little bit of applause for Lonesome Loser.

Thank you.

The man, the legend, the hardest-working man in all of PCU.

Thank you, Lonesome Loser.

Yeah, he is the glue that holds off all this stuff, you know?

The fabric of our lives.

What's that from?

Is that a commercial or is that a TV show?

A cotton commercial, man.

the fabric of our lives it was just cotton was it really yeah the fabric of our lives you're right

that's right it was cotton wow man speaking of cotton where did what speaking of cotton and

cotton pickers what the hell happened to tuck uh oh yeah you were you're out of the loop like i say

all the time you um you don't know that tuck he lost his uh his his brand new macbook pro shit

shit whatever it was he lost his modem took a shit he's got oh he lives in the sticks in

tennessee right so he doesn't get broadband out there he doesn't get broadband out there all he

gets is fucking uh dial up and his modem took a shit yeah well yeah no just he's modem died and

the only thing he can do now to get it fixed is fucking i don't know he said it's really expensive

and you have to do it through mac because it's a mac that he's got not a regular pc and i told

I told him not to get a damp.

Yeah, but he calls in to KDK.

Hardware freaks, man.

They kill you.

Well, the dead calls him, like, every night to talk to him.

All he has to do, hey, all you do is tell him, listen, go get a USB modem, external USB modem or one.

That's what I told him.

I have one here that I don't use.

All you need, man.

I have one here.

You don't have to use the internal one no more.

Look, I have one right here that I don't use.

It's right here.

USB internal modem.

There you go.

I offered to send it to him.

Look, here it is.

Stop over by Carlitos and pick that up right after the show, man.

Take the Greyhound.

How much is a Greyhound?

30 bucks?

55.

You can drive all over the country, isn't it?

Yeah, I guess.

55.

Clone nose.

55 bucks.

That's not bad.

I was figuring it once.

Okay, it's went up, yeah.

I've never taken a fucking Greyhound in my life, man.

I hope I never do.

I hear horror stories about...

Take nose plugs.

Isn't that...

Well, if you sit in the back next to the shitter, you know.

No, they got a damn funk that just resides in the whole damn cabin.

Oh, my Lord.

That is sick.

Well, let's say what's up to Misery.

Misery from BurningOath.net and Sin Clans apparently has joined the room.

Misery, are you there?

Are you responding?

I don't know if he's got his mic on or not, but he's listening at least.

Maybe he'll jump in here in a second.

What's up, Misery?

He's the guy that makes it possible for us, the three of us here,

to be talking together while we do the show.

So everybody go to BurningOath.net.

That's his band.

Hey, Luke.

How's it going?

He just had a gig tonight, I think, so good for him.

Gigging it.

And Gain Green has also sent us a card.

All right, thank you, Gang Green.

We'll use Lonesome's first.

You hang on to that one.

But thank you, thank you very much.

In case of an emergency, you are the fourth option.

And for that, you get applause right there.

Thank you very much, Gang Green.

Yay!

Now, if you want to reach us on AOL.

I've seen a Gang Green, I haven't heard from him for a while.

Well, he's in the chat room, motherfucker.

You know who else is in there?

Oxycontin.

I haven't seen him in a while.

Hey, I was going to give a welcome back.

Shout out to Oxycontin, man.

And he's been primed and rare to come back.

He's had a rough summer.

Even requested that you play one of your rap songs for him there, Riding High.

Yeah, man.

White power.

All right, so you said Mouse was nine years old?

Yeah, yeah.

Ride a white pony.

You said Mouse was nine years old.

How old is that in cat years?

Cat years, that's what?

54.

54 years?

So six years to a year.

Oh, yeah, that's kind of young.

Poor Mouse.

house i'm probably gonna die at that age man 54 years old that's 81 oh he lived to be a pretty

old cat 81 years old that's decent i guess yeah you know what pisses me off dude you know what

do they say it's uh dog years are seven years equals one year right something like that yeah

so most most dogs that i know the hell most dogs that i know live to be like 11 or 12 so

You're going to get a cat beating now.

I guess that's about it.

What are you doing, Milkman?

What is your fucking problem?

Go to the dog.

Oh, that's it, man.

Everything's okay.

You're out of your mind, man.

Jesus.

No, there's going to be a cat beating here in a minute, and I'm going to put the microphone

down, and you can witness the whole thing.

Oh, Mieke's being bad again.

Mieke, you got the...

Milkman...

She ripped my headphones out and ripped the mic and the whole damn sound pipe down on

the floor.

That's funny.

Go, Mieke.

Beat it, man.

All right, Mieke.

Yeah.

Mieke's a great cat.

Hey, you're going to hear a cat beat you.

Here's Milkman with a cat in about 10 seconds right now.

That's him right there.

Beat that pussy.

Got to put him down.

Put him down, boy.

Yeah, so.

So what else is up?

Madhouse Radio on AOL Instant Messenger.

Madhouse Radio on AOL Instant Messenger if you want to reach us here.

Where else are we at?

On Yahoo Messenger, Madhouse PCU Radio, Madhouse PCU Radio on AOL Instant Messenger,

And on MSN Messenger, madhousepcuradio at hotmail.com.

Now, if you haven't been there yet or recently, be sure to visit our homepage at madhouselive.com.

Subscribe to the podcast, which was updated late last night with the last two episodes.

We did a show on last week, of course, and we did a surprise show.

Yeah, I listened to it today.

Oh, you did? Good. See?

he i did see that yeah you know that that saturday show was something else man i mean it was i'd tell

you it was nuts that was crazy that was me and milkman and misery just talking shit i was drunk

and yelling i was you know what milkman i'm sorry i was i was kind of mean to you that night you

know i was listening to that today and i was like i'm used to it i'm sorry man you know you're my

friend you know i care about you like a brother and clone of course you too but you know i was

I was an asshole

I was such an asshole to Milkman

Like every second I was like you shut up

When I say shut up you shut up

And you be quiet

He's like whatever man

Whatever

Well there was that other drunk show where Lego called in

You remember that one drunk show where Lego called in

And I pretty much like

I was like all pissed off

At him and stuff

And he sung the Athena song

That was a good night

That was the one where Athena went to

to, what's it, Middle East?

Amsterdam.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that's right.

That's the week she was in Amsterdam.

And he did a song,

Athena,

tell why you suck

and call me an Amsterdam.

Yeah, and you had

the background guitar in that, too.

Yeah, man.

I was playing lead with it.

That's the one.

Yep, that was great.

I have that.

I need to isolate that

so we can play that.

You've got to extract that one, man.

I do.

You in the background.

Oh!

Yes, that's right.

Yeah, I had it.

Go all Japan on it.

All Japan?

All Japanese?

knees. Let's do that.

MadHouseLive.com

like I was saying, and we got two new pranks

on there that were played last week

for the first time. What did I

put up there? Fried Chicken and Watermelon is

a new prank. Fried Chicken and Watermelon

and the other one is the

Slip and Slide. That's what I call

the Vietnam Vet. The Vietnam Vet

that works at Walmart with an idea

as Eddie Garcia. Everybody's favorite voice

Eddie Garcia. People love

Eddie Garcia.

Jack Masterson too.

John Masters

I'm going to call him Jack Masterson

That's kind of funny though

Hey let me get my Jack prop here

It's Jack Masterson

You got to get the breathing right too

I got to work on that

I'm not in character yet

You got to put your jaw man

Well um

PCURadio.com is the website

For the station you're listening to us to

PCURadio.com

I don't know if we're on T-Bit.

I'm going to join the IRC chat.

Hey, you're the one that's supposed to give that out, dude.

How do you join the IRC chat?

Oh.

That's your job.

Well, heck, how about if I just go to irc.lazy-net-de.

No, you messed it up again.

And just fire up the old room piece again.

You haven't gotten that right since you came back.

All the times you've given that out on this show, you always say it different.

irc.lazy-net-de.

Uh-huh.

The room is P-C-E-U.

Wrong.

It's pound PCU.

I'm looking right here at it.

It's pound PCU.

You don't say the pound.

Yeah, but you know you don't have to push pound to join.

It'll work either way.

Yeah, Milkman can't get nothing right.

It's irc.lazy-net.de.

Hey, what if I don't have IRC and I just want to come into a web browser?

I was about to say that.

Milkman, thank you for mentioning that.

KDKPrintCalls.com

Click the chat icon and as long as you have a job...

Wait a minute. No, no, no.

Wait. It's

HTTP www.

Ah, man.

You're too fucking janky.

Crazy.

You got me.

What's the rest of it?

You got me.

I'm not...

Just like the girl in Guam, right?

Say it over.

Say it over

No no no

Say it over

I should

I'm going to

Pull that next week

So we can

Put that on the podcast

That was a good call too

That's a classic

That was a good call

Yeah it was

What is it

http

www.kdkprankcalls.com

KD

KDK as in

Kill death kill

KDKprankcalls.com

And join

The chat room

Just click chat

On the top of the page

It's right there

Don't make it complicated

Just hit chat

Or go to

Madhouselive.com

And there's a link

To the chat room there also

in the listen-join section.

Either way, get your ass in chat.

Yeah, get your ass.

All roads lead home.

Get your goddamn ass in chat.

MySpace.

MySpace.com forward slash Madhouse Live.

Clone, do you have a MySpace page?

No, I do not.

I kind of despise it.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I kind of despise it too, but it's a way to get people.

Yeah, Milkman, go ahead.

Milkman has the floor.

No, I just wanted to make sure that you knew this,

is that Sir Nunu from the U.K. is a wanker.

He's from the U.K.?

Yes, he's a bloody limey from the U.K., and he's a wanker.

Aye, blimey.

And he has a lot of tit dirt on him.

Tit dirt.

And don't talk shit about Total Nunu.

Right.

They're in your damn numbers, too.

Turretsguy.com.

So, yeah, if you guys want to get a hold of us

and all that previously mentioned shit,

and you can send us your comments, suggestions,

Suggestions, complaints, gripes, or your prank call requests.

There's no charge.

All we ask is that you send us a number that you've confirmed that someone's going to answer.

And the name of the place.

Hopefully you have an address.

Or just a city and state.

Give us a phone number or area code.

Try to get us a street.

That helps out too.

What else?

Yeah, give us a background story.

You know, if it's a friend, tell us what the friend does or did to you or where they work and shit.

Or just give us a name of the business.

Whatever it is, man.

Whatever it is.

As we prefer businesses here on this show, we prefer you to get us a number out in the West Coast because it's earlier out there.

It's only 7, almost 7.30 out there in the West Coast, 10.22 Eastern here in the evening.

But, yeah, so if you want to get a hold of us, you can do so.

And like I said, the toll-free line is – let's go ahead and open up the toll-free line.

Fuck it.

It's 1-888-278-8509.

1-888-278-8509.

That is the number.

That is the number, everybody.

And let's talk real quick about some shit.

What happened on KDK's show last night?

What's that number again?

1-888-278-8509.

There you go.

What's it again?

I'm not giving it out again.

Damn you.

Damn you all to hell.

I'm not a trained monkey.

I'll do whatever you say.

Yeah, man.

I'm not even high yet, man.

I tried to take a nap and I couldn't.

Motherfucker.

Slacker.

Yeah.

I'm working on it, though.

Okay, so JonBenet Ramsey.

Hey, how long has it been since we've heard from any of our listeners

that could call in on the toll-free line, just as a matter of reference?

I'd say six weeks.

That might have been the last one.

Six weeks.

Yeah, yeah.

Cloned, I gave cloned a personal.

Milkman, I'm going to send it to you now, man, my home number.

Now that I remember, let me send that to you

Whatever

Here you go, I'm sending it to you now

Oh shit, I forgot

I don't know by heart

Damn it, I have to get the cell phone to find out

I'll get it to you before the end of the night

Yeah, but the JonBenet Ramsey shit

That's fucked up

Yeah, that's what I was talking about

JonBenet Ramsey, Milkman, have you heard about this clone?

You've heard about it, I see

Yes, I have

He's from Thailand

land i think it's bullshit he's not thai though he's not thai he's um he's an american he's an

american teacher i think it's just some mental case looking for some media time somebody wants

to get their five minutes in the media exactly it'll be lock him away for it i i bet you that

he doesn't see uh he doesn't get convicted he doesn't spend a day in prison for the for the

crime related to john benet's murder i bet you anything he doesn't know but he'll make millions

off the book. Yeah, he's a crazy

fuck, but you know what? He was

fired as a substitute teacher for having

child porno, so he's a sick fuck.

You know, and I'm gonna, look,

there's, you know, he looks like it.

Look in your G-talk. Let me cut, let me,

okay, I will. Let me cut the music for a second

just to say this. Um, there

is no reason for a single

man to be in Thailand

and they're not up to something. That's all I gotta

say, okay? Other than to fuck

kids. No, yeah. Man, Thailand is a great

place to party and get laid. Yeah.

But no single man goes to Thailand by himself unless he's a pervert or a freak.

And that's the bottom line.

They should arrest him just on the basis that he went to Thailand by himself.

Okay?

That's how it is.

I'd go.

By yourself?

Milkman?

Milkman.

Why not?

See?

That's kind of creepy, man.

You don't know anything about Thailand, do you?

I know a lot.

I got buddies over there.

Own places over there.

If you're going with a lady friend or a group of friends, that's cool.

But if you're going by yourself, nah, that's gay.

You don't want to take a lady friend.

You got all the ladies and all the bitches and hoes that you could ever imagine there, man.

Bullshit.

Milkman.

You don't want to take any back.

Milkman, you want to shit on a five-year-old girl.

That's all it is.

Admit it.

That's five-year-old, sir.

You know exactly why you want to go to Thailand for.

I want to be a nice 25, 30-year-old honey.

Yeah, but you want to shit on her.

I can turn inside out.

And she'll have a penis.

Well, I'm not looking for one.

Or she had one.

I'm looking for a penis with a few up in here in the chat room, I think.

yeah anyway so uh prankmaster got arrested for uh for prankmaster got arrested for uh

killing john benet ramsey so there it is you know you heard it here first

that's what i thought when i first read the headline before i clicked on it and saw the

picture i i said to myself that that's got to be um it's got to be adam erlander i know it's

It's going to say Adam Erlander, but it wasn't.

He got away this time.

He got the blame on somebody else.

Yeah, so fuck it.

I don't think the guy did it.

I think he's a sick fuck, and he should be arrested just for going to Thailand.

Milkman, what are your thoughts?

You think he's guilty?

Not guilty.

Prosecute him for pying the step up for it.

Clone, what's your thought on it?

If it wasn't him, how do you accidentally put an 8-inch crack in some girl's skull?

Yeah, how is that an accident, right?

Number two, number two.

Yeah.

They will tell

Because remember they've got DNA

All they've got to do is compare it now

Milkman, did you say number two?

I said number two

That's right

The DNA will prove it all

You said the secret word, number two

I don't know what that was all about

Okay, so that's that topic

Next on the list here I got is

The end of the war in Israel

Hezbollah and the Arabs think they won

Look in your dingy talk

What?

It says, Kim Gandy, president of NOW.

Oh, the National Organization of Women?

Yeah, man.

That's for new now.

Yeah, that's something.

Hey, man.

That's the first list right there.

Hey, that new Borat movie, the new trailer for it is funny.

When he's interviewing these feminists.

And he says, is there problem, woman's brain not as big as man?

And you just see the feminists like, okay, we're out of here.

We're out of time.

That's funny.

i can't wait to see that movie that comes out in october the borat movie yeah man you know

you know next month is jack you know jackass next to whatever jackass returns or whatever

they're calling it comes out next month i'm really looking forward to that man the first

jackass is great i got i'm gonna get so high and watch jackass you don't want to know it's

gonna be great hey maybe this time maybe this time they'll they'll stick more on the hot wheel

on their ass maybe they'll stick the moon boss in their ass i don't know that hot wheel was nasty

though but i want i want to know how high you get yeah let's see i'm working on now i'm gonna get

really high tonight i think i got beer too look i got beer guys listen to this yeah i got beer i

got miller white because it only has uh 3.2 carbs and that's not bad let's give this bitch from now

a call right now yeah let's let's call the now bitch now give her a start opener let's call the

now bitch now now we'll talk about the the stupid the stupid arabs and their and their war in a

little bit here and we'll come right back yeah we'll do that next

they're on notice my turban is dirty my turban is dirty um so this is kim gandy president of now

the national organization of women uh new new or someone out there if you give me a picture of her

a pic as you guys call it of kim gandy the president of now yeah first picture we have

have her cell phone and her home phone number guys derpity-doo can you say harassment uh can i say

what harassment harass yeah we can harass her yeah she probably likes it she's a feminist like

being harassed i'll tell you what that's her ass her first prank of the night coming right up this

is accordion by matt villain stand by for the first prank of the night bitch how you doing

carlito number no this is kim yeah kim how you doing i want to talk to you oh i don't want to

talk to you i'm very moved by your organization it's gandy hey gandy bitch i moved i moved the

phone and i can't find it oh here it is she's a damn dirty bitch i tell you what call that damn

dyke back i should i should god damn it she didn't want to talk to you fucker no you see you heard

her i don't even take you we take to you like bitch i want to talk to you nitty nitty fat

that's the problem when they started letting women vote and letting do this and that and

And here's what happens.

You know, that's exactly what happens.

See what I mean?

Hey, that's what happens whenever they got unshackled from the kitchen.

Yeah, that's exactly, man.

Milkman's time, they were still under control.

You guys, you're the generation that lost control of the women, Milkman.

I mean, seriously.

Hey, man, barefoot and pregnant, man.

Yeah, look at her, man.

She looks like she has cancer.

She should get cancer.

Look at her forehead.

If you cover her hair with your finger, she looks like Robocop, man.

Look at that.

Oh, shit, she looks like Robocop with hair.

Holy, that bitch looks like RoboCop with hair, Kim Gandy, the lady we just talked to.

RoboCop with hair.

And a glass song.

Call that bitch's cell phone.

I'm going to tell her she looks like RoboCop with hair.

I'm going to call her right back.

I got a question.

Lonesome Loser, if you can answer this for me.

Does this phone card spoof numbers or should I star 69?

I wonder.

I wonder what it does.

Star 67.

Oh, star 67.

Yeah, that's what I meant to say.

I'm starting to get high.

It's starting to happen, guys.

It is starting.

It's about damn time.

Milkman, you got to buy yourself some wine, man.

Remember we used to drink wine and I used to smoke and we'd have these good shows where you were drunk and I was high?

Actually, I've got some wine and beer in there.

I'm going to make a pass, man.

You're going to make a pass on me or clone?

I'm going to crack.

No, crack on you.

What are you, fagging out, man?

I'm going to go crack me out a brewski.

Jesus Christ, you scared me, homo.

Problem.

Jeez, you heard him?

He's going to make a pass on one of us.

You are always going to be buddies.

Don't worry about it, Carby.

Batty boy.

Batty boy now.

Let's call.

Don't be so mean.

If you want to break up, you're not allowed to.

I want to see if I can just call her.

I'm going to get a beer. I'll be right back.

Okay, you do that. Alright, Milkman's getting a beer.

Alright, man. He's joining the dark side tonight.

That's awesome.

So, Clone, man, these Arabs,

you know, they're saying they won. Israel says they won.

Who won that war, man?

Who do you think won that war?

Fuck them both.

Fuck the Jews and fuck the Muslims.

America won that war is what happened.

America will win that war.

Yeah, we will.

We will win that war.

I thought we were going to have to get into it this time.

I was really excited that we were going to get to nuke Iran.

Honestly, you know, as much as it's bullshit, if we would have nuked Iran, it would have been nice.

I would have wanted to see Israel nuke Iran because Israel has nukes.

Even Syria, if Syria would have come in, you know, that would have been fun.

Yeah.

Yeah, man, but...

Blow the shit out of the desert.

Yeah, that'd be an easy one, too, yeah, but...

Fuck Iran.

They need an ass-kicking.

Iran does.

So does Lebanon, you know, fuck them.

But, yeah.

Well, North Korea, I hear, is about to test a nuke.

Test a nuke.

I was about to talk about that.

An underground nuke.

They said, I heard today on CBS News, that the intelligence community gives it a highly probable chance.

that North Korea is going to test a nuclear bomb.

Milkman, did you hear about this?

North Korea is really close to testing a nuclear bomb any day now in Korea.

There we go.

An underground test.

I just opened up a nuclear bomb here, a Beck Dark and Lovely.

They're not going to do anything to America.

They can probably take out Hawaii.

Maybe they'll take out Pearl Harbor.

Wouldn't that be some shit if North Korea sent a nuclear missile?

Yeah, well, they can hit Hawaii, too, man.

What if they nuke Pearl Harbor?

It was like Pearl Harbor 2.

Can you imagine that?

alaska and it takes out the whole oil fucking thing you know that's that's you know what that's

right the oil pipeline you know the gas the oil thing is down already yeah yeah part of it's down

right now think about it the lines are rotten part of it is right now not all of it though

what if they took out the entire alaska pipeline style uh pipeline system not even operating at

50 capacity yeah man what if they took it out what if they took it out and it doesn't matter

It doesn't even supply 5% of all the oil we use.

But, Milkman, listen.

You know how the fucking investors are in Wall Street?

You know what's going to happen?

It's going to happen.

You think they're freaking out because of a few cracks.

Imagine if the whole thing got obliterated.

Do you know how the price of gas would go up to like $6, $7, $8 a gallon, dude?

I swear to God it will.

It's not because of the loss of fuel.

It's because they would have leverage, man.

Yeah, it's jittery stuff and the fucking investors, man, getting scared.

Trust me.

What's that faggot shit all about?

if that happened, because they'd make a mess.

Tonight on the Onion Radio News, it actually talks about that.

There's a news report here about something that happened today in Wall Street,

so we'll talk about that.

So, Milkman, who do you think won the Israel-Lebanon war?

Who do you think won it, honestly?

They're both claiming they won.

Well, obviously the Israelis did.

They killed the leader of the Hezbollah.

So that's all it took.

That's good.

Why didn't they just send in a special team to go in there and kill him and pull out?

That's all they had to do.

Why did they have to kill and fucking ruin that country?

They did in the end.

They were trying to be U.S. and just bomb the hell out of them.

I don't know, man.

Seeing as they'd give up, and they didn't.

The shit is, man.

So they sent in a special team and took them out an hour or so before they in the door.

Well, the fucking problem is, dude.

They were just waiting.

Listen, the fucking problem.

problem the fucking problem is the fact that you know uh fucking israel goes around you know saying

that they got these mosad and they got these awesome pilots and they got the best pilots in

the world and they got the best special ops teams in the world and all this shit and all they had

to do was probably sending a special teams to take out that guy and it would have sent a message and

and that's it instead they you know they got embarrassed because they because his bola they

They kept, you know, Israel kept saying, you know, we've taken out all of their missiles now.

They can't attack us anymore.

And the next day, they launched about 40, 50 missiles into Tel Aviv.

Not Tel Aviv, but into Haifa and shit.

You know what I mean?

Hezbollah is directly related to the Iranian government.

I know that.

And the whole point of the whole war is to do a strikeout and have the U.S. backing up Israel.

You know what it was?

And put them in place and make a reason to reach out to Iran.

I tell you what, it was a war in proxy.

It was a war in proxy.

It was Iran versus the United States.

And that's exactly what Vietnam was.

That's it.

You know?

You dummies.

Had the United States gone all gung-ho, it would have been just like Vietnam.

But anyway, I digress.

We're here to do pranks.

We're here to do pranks, everybody.

As a matter of fact, let's give a cell phone out to a real puppet.

Let's call Miss Kim Gandhi.

Let's call her Gandhi.

That puppet-looking bitch on the cell phone.

Let me test this line out.

Now, Milkman, do I have your phone number here?

Yeah.

Do I have your phone number here?

Yes.

No, I don't.

Can you text that to me right quick?

Text me your number.

I want you to tell me what comes up when I call your house unblocked here, okay?

Anyway.

Well, it always shows unknown number when you call anyway, man.

Well, no.

You remember the ones that you get?

Not a good...

The ones that you get.

They fucking...

They show a New York number.

Offer a New York number.

Yeah, I'm calling from the home number.

It won't work.

I cannot read it from my side.

Call yourself.

Even if I call you from my house?

Yeah, it never shows.

Oh, that sucks.

Clone, text me your number.

You tell me what comes up on the caller ID.

You have the phone anywhere near you?

Not really.

Not really?

All right, never mind.

Damn it.

No, man.

You mean I got to stand up to get the fucking...

Call yourself, man.

Yeah, and I got to stand up and stuff.

Okay, well, yeah.

Hey, you know what?

I don't need to answer it.

What's that sexy voice?

Hi, you've got the mail.

You want to hear my voicemail?

It's funny because my boss called it last night,

and today he was like,

what the hell was that voicemail you got?

Anyway, let me play that for you guys.

Let me call it.

We'll call it.

We'll see.

That's easy.

We need an extra cheese here on this Whopper.

What?

I would have had to get up to you.

That's not my boss.

My boss is...

I don't work at a Burger King, okay, asshole?

I don't work at a fucking Burger King.

Damn.

That's fucked up, man.

That's fucked up, dude.

Burger King, Burger King.

Hey, hey, hey.

That is fucked up.

All right, I'm calling it now.

I want a frozen Coke, man.

Okay, hang on.

You guys listen to this.

Transcended on your cart of posters.

We got to start doing a show here.

We're slacking off, talking a lot of horse shit.

Bitch, back before she goes to bed.

Don't worry about it, man.

Your cat's hot.

No, she goes to sleep early.

Unless she doesn't.

It's a lesbian.

Listen, listen, listen.

This is Kenal Castro.

Whatever.

I'll do that.

Okay, so now I need to run.

run and i'm gonna we're gonna next call we're gonna call this lady back but real quick let me

go ahead and run and check the cell phone everything so give me like two give me a

minute here now and we'll do the next prank relax folks let me go run

it comes up with a new york number isn't that great news oh welcome back from tallahassee

shut up asshole that didn't take that long it took uh it took a minute and a half but i had

had to check the line it took three minutes and 20 seconds the song was almost over no it didn't

no it didn't no it did the song is only 225 jeez and look at so i got in the chat room uh so far

one attempted prank one attempt in 45 minutes i take as long as i want this is my show if if me

and cloned and milkman want to talk bullshit we're gonna talk bullshit right bullshit hey

If we're going to talk bullshit, we're going to talk.

We're not on your clock.

You don't pay me, and you don't pay us.

You don't like it, you know what to do.

Fuck you, Saigon!

Yeah, you know exactly what to do if you don't like it, man.

So, there, eat it.

Whoever you really are, motherfucker.

I swear, man.

He's calling in on the 800 night tonight, Carlito.

Yeah, he won't.

He never does.

He says he's going to call in and do a prank call.

He never calls anybody.

My ass.

I've been trying to get him to call in.

He wants to teach us how to do a prank.

I'm serious, man.

I told him he can block his number.

I'll answer it.

I will never give his number out

He has my word as a Christian

And he said yeah sure

He said he would

He's been saying this for months

That I told him he could even mask his voice

With something if he wanted to

So nobody could hear who he is

And he doesn't do it

He doesn't do it

He said this is his favorite show

And he's going to call into me

And demonstrate

Whatever man

He's a really mad boy

Okay so let's try to call this bitch back

Hang on folks

Milkman find out where the 718 area code is exactly

New York

Brooklyn

Brooklyn.

Brooklyn?

Good.

Okay.

New York.

New York, New York.

What are you saying, man?

Hi, good evening.

Yes.

May I speak with Miss Gandy, please?

Who's calling, please?

My name is Raul Fermentes.

Yes, from?

From PokerStars.net.

And you're calling at quarter of 11 because?

I was authorized to call her per the home office at, you know, quarter to 11, according to this paperwork here.

Okay, and it's in regards to what?

The accounts and arrears.

Yes.

Okay, what account is this?

Hotel stay.

There's quite an amount of room service and pay-per-view movies that were not paid for at the time of checkout.

Hotel stay, what hotel is this?

For the convention.

I'm sorry, say again?

The convention.

Yes.

I need to inform you that this is a collectionist call and anything said may be used against you and a court of credit.

Fine.

Okay?

Yeah.

Now, I'm assuming you're not Ms. Gandy unless you have a very deep voice.

That's correct.

Is this Ms. Gandy?

No.

Hi, Ms. Gandy.

How's it going?

Great.

Ms. Gandy, just a few questions here.

When exactly are you planning on, you know, becoming a human being and paying your bills?

Well, we could use more champagne.

More champagne?

Yes.

Is that some kind of joke?

Absolutely.

Are you sick?

No sicker than you.

So you order champagne, you don't pay for it?

I don't even drink.

You don't drink now?

No.

So I guess the champagne just got flushed down the toilet?

Did you use it to bathe yourself?

No, no, no. We would never do that.

So what happened then? Tell me the truth.

We gave it to unborn babies.

You gave it to unborn babies?

Sure.

You gave it to...

You have two minutes remaining.

What is wrong? That guy's sick.

You are sick, sir.

Okay.

You're disgusting and you're sick.

What'd you do?

How exactly did you do this?

How did I do it?

Is this how you perform abortions?

You sick, sick liberal?

Many years of hard living.

Many years of...

How does it feel to have a woman who wears the pants?

I am good.

It feels good to have your woman make all the money in the house and run everything?

Is that how you like it?

Nice work if you can get it.

I've tried.

How do you do it?

How do you do it exactly?

You're a lucky fella.

Does she clean the house?

No.

She doesn't clean the house at all?

You're sure you're straight?

You do.

Straight arrow is the name.

So let me get this right.

Your woman doesn't clean the house?

Does she cook?

Don't we?

She cooks.

Everyone shares.

Does she cook as good as your mother did?

No one would bring up my mother in this context, sir.

You sound creepy, man.

Well, could be.

No wonder you're married to a feminist.

You are really creepy.

I think you're hiding something.

It could be.

Did they pick you up in Thailand this morning?

No, actually they didn't.

It's a weird camera.

You sound like the guy, you know who I'm talking about.

You know, you sound like the guy who got picked up in...

I knew JonBenet Ramsey quite well.

You sound like him.

I do? I sound like JonBenet Ramsey?

No, you sound like the guy who they arrested who admitted to it today.

You sound like that's exactly what that person would sound like.

I don't have that kind of accent.

I haven't been in Thailand long.

Dude, you sound creepy.

Like white, sick white person creepy.

Because you know how there's some sick white people like that Jeffrey Dahmer guy?

You sound just like one of those guys.

You're going to be racing to this too, huh?

No, but you sound like a sick white person.

Oh my God, the way you say well.

You're a creepo, dude.

That woman has you brainwashed, man.

Come on, seriously.

Why don't you just come out with me?

We'll get some...

Oh, she hung up on me.

He hung up on me.

I think the phone card died.

That was brilliant, man.

That was brilliant

Damn it the phone card died man

That guy is creepy as hell

Did you hear that guy seriously

Let's get the instant madhouse replay

And he married her

Just so it looks like she's got a man

I don't know man that guy is a creep

Oh let's listen to the way this sick white person sounds

Hang on let me see if I can catch him

On instant replay

You sound creepy man

Well could be

No wonder you're married to a feminist

You are really creepy

Creepy.

I think you're hiding something.

It could be.

Did they pick you up in Thailand this morning?

No, actually they didn't.

It's a queer cover.

You sound like the guy that...

You know who I'm talking about.

You know, you sound like the guy who got picked up in...

I knew JonBenét Ramsey quite well.

You sound...

Wait a minute.

He knows JonBenét Ramsey quite well?

Dude, I swear to God, he's a child molester, man.

That's his fucking cover right there.

Oh, shit.

I had Clone.

I told you, man.

It's a cover.

He's a cover.

Hey, Clone, I'm sorry.

Did you say anything, Clone?

We had you on mute.

I keep forgetting to take you off mute.

Damn it, man.

No, I was just laughing my ass off.

That guy is creepy as sin, man.

That guy is weird.

Nunu, that goes out to Nunu.

I'll call him back.

I'll call him back in a second.

We need to get a new card here programmed.

But that was strange.

That is right, Nunu.

That guy is really creepy, dude.

What a fucking freak.

Yeah.

Hey, everybody, we got a phone call in here.

The phone doesn't ring.

She's probably a lesbian, and she's got...

Zolar, you're on the air, Zolar.

Dude, that was awesome.

Yeah, you like that?

That was awesome.

You've got to get that phone card back up on working and calling.

Okay.

Yeah, man, he's a really creepy dude.

Zolar, how are things going on with you?

That's Zolar, your girl's voice.

I'm okay.

You're okay?

All right, good.

You going to do your show tomorrow, man?

Yes.

You are?

Excellent.

10 p.m.?

Yes, indeed, sir.

Are you the guy who ordered the champagne for that bitch?

Yeah.

You're the guy?

So they remembered, man.

You heard him?

Yeah, that's why I was saying that was excellent.

I was going to say, you got him to confirm the fact that they received a bottle of champagne

that they thought was gratis from the hotel.

Yeah, that's hilarious, man.

That's hilarious.

I didn't remember the name of the hotel.

If I could remember the name of the hotel, I was going to tell them, you know, that hotel.

Yeah, Nunu knows.

I forget, was it the Hampton Suites, I think?

I'm not sure.

I can't remember.

I can't remember, but we have a cell phone number as well.

Yeah, I called that first, and I got her.

She hung up on me.

She was kind of rude.

She said she didn't want to talk to me.

Fucking women.

Yeah.

Fucking women, man.

God damn women

Tell you what

God damn fucking feminist bitches

Yeah, fuck that shit

So I heard the Stern fan rant over today

It was stupid without you

Thank you, I thought the same thing, dude

It was fucking retarded, man

I thought they had a lot of fucking audio fucking problems

Yep

That sucks, man

Do you want a prank master around their board now?

Do you want a...

Yeah, Milkman says prank master runs their board

I like that, that's a funny one, Milkman

You want to call that guy back, man?

Well, no, you were doing a good job, man

I want you to call him back

Is what I was calling

We want you to call with a little girl voice, though

That's what we're saying

We want you to call

As the ghost of JonBenet Ramsey

Oh, okay, I could do that

Okay, okay

All right, good deal

Tell him that you

Okay

All right, we're gonna do that right now

Hang on, Zolar is coming with a prank call for us

Very graciously hooking us up with a prank call

Well, listen, listen

You say what you really called about is that

You're, you're, what do you call it?

One of those fucking people who hear from spirits

It's what they call a medium

Yeah

You call and say

What you really called about

Is that you're a medium

From the hotel

And you have

JonBenet on the line

And I'll have a seance

And then you'll talk

Okay sounds good

We got it

It's going to be awesome

Okay hang on everybody

It's the Zolar and Carlito

Tag team here

We're calling

I guess the husband

Of Kim Gandy

The president of

The National Organization

Of Women

If that's what you want to call him

We'll be right back after this

Kim, Tiff, Katie, and Matt.

See if you can hack the answer machine.

Mailbox.

Three.

Now.

Recording.

Bitch.

That was going to be a funny one too, wasn't it, Milkman?

What's Milkman say over there?

Milkman?

He says from far away.

Hell yeah, man.

He says hell yeah, man.

You know how he says.

Okay, you want to try another one?

We can try Honey Bear.

We got a place called Honey Bear and we got a place called Monster Tattoo.

Ooh.

Honey Bear.

All right.

We can pick them with you all the way.

Here's one.

Run Joe Mamas in East Dubuque, Illinois.

No, I'm thinking more on the honey bear or even the tattoo.

Okay.

All right.

Let's do honey bear.

By the way, before you dial, if you don't mind me doing a little bit of self-plugging,

I got an email today that says, let me just look it up real quick.

It says, oh, and I can't find it.

Okay.

All right.

Well, when we come back, we'll get that.

All right, man.

Like I said, we'll be right back with that.

Here it is.

All right.

Breaking news.

Go ahead.

It says, from Mutt from the Superfan Roundtable,

I've been contacted by Howard TV and asked to be a part of the 9-11 show.

They are finally going to air the 9-11 Stern Show footage.

They would like to hear from some of us concerning the day on the Stern Show.

Is this something you'd be interested in doing, Zola?

So he says, I've invited you, I've invited Cabby, I've invited Boots,

I've invited Mad Max, and I have invited Casey Armstrong.

strong so uh he says if you're interested let me know wow man um you called in that night that day

right didn't you say they do this in numbers was that you say what were you the one that called in

and said you know watch out they like to do this in numbers was that you no i don't think that that

exact quote came from my list but yes i was on the air that day but they actually quoted me in

one of one of the newspapers being the modern day beer i was for all americans to bear arms

Yeah, I had that show, and I was on everything from the beginning, from 6 o'clock, so every year I would play it, and I would start playing it at 6 o'clock.

It was really something, man.

Abbey freaks out on the air and everything, like he was right there watching it from the roof of his building and shit, and he saw it.

I would have been freaking out a lot more had they left me on the air, but they thought I was going to be libel and slanderous, so they cut me off and didn't put me back.

Yeah, I think, I really think, I heard you say something like, you know, watch out, they do this in numbers, and I think Howard said, no, no, let's not do that, and I think they kicked you off after that.

And that weird, there was that weird lady who called in, and she was like, you know, the devil's dancing in the Middle East or something, and Caddy was like, they're really doing it now, woman? Like that, he was freaking out on her.

That was a crazy night, yeah. That's how I heard it, I heard it on the Stern Show, by the time I got up to my desk, they were talking about Pamela Anderson, next thing I know, you know, they said a plane hit the World Trade Center.

Well, listen here, Carl.

You know, it says, I need one or two more fans, it says.

So if you can think of anyone, let me know.

That's something.

Do you want to go down?

Then, you know, you could write over to fucking what's-his-face here, Mutt,

and tell him your story.

I was listening right there as it happened,

and I listened to this turn show the entirety of the time.

If you need some sort of fan to outside perspective

from someone you never met before, it's me.

Do it, because you know what happened, honestly, that night?

A whole office full of

These all stuck up

Conservative women who would never listen to Howard

And they used to give me shit for listening to him

And they didn't want to hear it and stuff like that

They were all around my desk

Listening to him as the only source of news

For what was going on

Now that sounds like a great story

That's exactly what happened

I remember that

You gotta write that to Jason

At Howardstern.com right away

Jason at Howardstern.com

Send in a recommendation for me too

You know what I mean?

Yeah, no, I am.

I'm going to call and speak with Tamara personally.

I don't know if he's already got his people,

but Jason is the one who runs that show.

If he thinks your story's good, he'll make room for you.

Okay, totally, totally, because that really stuck with me.

I remember that.

I heard, and I listened as long as they were on.

They stayed on in Orlando, I think, until like 1 o'clock, I want to say.

I remember Howard just saying at the end, he was like, I got to go.

He was like, honestly, I got to go.

I remember that, man.

Somebody from that distance listening to the Howard Stern show

of what's happening in New York exclusively to Stern

isn't exactly the interest they're looking for.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Yes.

Definitely.

That's what they said.

I'll type that after the show.

The only thing is,

is how would you get here?

Because the offices are on Hudson Street in Manhattan.

Oh, shit.

And it would be two or three hours only, of course,

and then it's a one-day thing.

I'd have to fly up for two or three hours?

Yeah, it's going to be on Monday or Tuesday,

the 21st or 22nd.

Oh, man.

That'd be something.

I mean, it'd be hard for me to...

It's going to be on on-demand TV.

that it's filming this to on-demand TV.

Wow.

Well, I mean, if it comes to it,

I guess I could scrape up enough money

for a cheap plane flight.

I don't know if I could.

Well, I'd lend you the money.

I don't know.

I need a place to crash for sure.

I want to be able to afford a room.

Oh, you could crash here with me.

That's the easy part.

That's awesome.

Maybe I'll do it.

Maybe Tuesday or either Tuesday or Wednesday.

The 21st or 22nd.

Okay.

All right.

Well, I'll send an email

and we'll take it from there.

If it works out, then hell yeah.

Well, I guess that's this Monday or so, isn't it?

That's in four or five days, yeah.

Yeah, four or five days.

Well, if you're going to make it happen, you better write that email.

Most definitely.

Okay.

All right, so I'll speak to him tomorrow, but let's make a frank phone call right now.

Right now.

This is Honey Bear in Kittening, Pennsylvania, and that's going to come right now.

Hang on, everybody.

Everybody used to think of him as more like a bum, sort of, a musical bum than anything else.

How you doing, honey?

Can you hear me, doll?

Who is this?

It's me, Jeffrey.

How you doing?

Oh, wow.

That's some fucked up bitch.

Can't even get a report.

Oh, God.

Oh, bitch.

What a cunt rag.

Jeez.

There's always monster tattoo.

I'm going to try one more if you want, man.

I don't know what the fuck that was, man.

Dude, that was your phone.

Yeah, that is my phone.

I don't know why I did that, though.

I totally freaked out.

Did you hear that?

I was bugging.

I was trying to, you know, correct myself.

Holy shit.

But I wasn't working.

I was like, that's not me.

God, that's going to blow everybody's ears off.

I'm sorry, folks.

That's a horrible, horrible sound.

I don't know what was happening there.

Call it back, man.

I'll try one more time.

Hang on, Zola.

Hopefully this doesn't...

Try a different number

Might have just been that system

What that was, if you're using a cordless

That was somebody ringing in on your frequency

With a different phone

Okay, good, so I changed the channels

I did, I changed it like three times

During that, but

It's probably on this one

I just fixed it though, I changed the channel again

I changed it, I got it now, I got it now

We're good, man

Have you ever heard of the porn star Tabitha Stevens?

Yes, I have

Let me try the call hub

Yay!

Dirty Tabitha.

Dick in her ass, you little arse.

Dick in her ass.

Pooter in her pooter.

Tabitha Steven, please make a message after the tone,

and I will return your call as quickly as I can.

Thank you, and have a great day.

Bye.

Hack it.

No, I don't want it.

Where are we, hacker?

Poor girl.

Poor crazy bitch.

Call the one dingy bitch.

Yeah, man, I wish she answered.

She would have been fun to talk to.

Yeah?

She's got a squeaky voice.

Yeah, I'll let you get back to your show, brother

Alright, man, I'm sorry we couldn't get that to work, man

I'm embarrassed

Andrea

Hey, just be sure to do as late as the show tomorrow

Because I won't be home until like midnight

So I want to be able to hear something, you know what I mean?

Try to go until 1 at least

Give me an hour of show

I'm totally going to go until 1

But it's the 2 o'clock that I haven't been doing lately

Okay, alright

Well, definitely I will be listening tomorrow

Late, I'll be listening, so

I heard the email address I gave out.

Don't just call, you know, leave an email with him just to fucking actually say something of substance.

Tell him about the shows that are available on PCU.

Tell him how you like Zolot, because, you know, you like to hear Zolot on the roundtable more often.

Yeah, so that maybe even Zolot will get a chance to plug Zolot, you know, PCU at some point.

You know what I mean?

Actually, the next time I go on, you know, the roundtable, I'm going to say PCU at the end.

Like, when I say Zolot.com, I'm going to say PCURadio.com.

Okay, awesome.

Great.

Great, poor to that point.

Hopefully people can follow that.

All right, man.

Zolar, take care of yourself.

We'll listen to you tomorrow.

God bless you.

All right, everybody over there, take care.

And Milkman, see you around sometime, like in here and here again.

Glad you're back.

Yes, thank you.

All right, later, man.

All right, bye.

Take care, EZR, fearless leader.

Zolar, thank you.

Yay, Zolar from Zolar Vision.

No, Zolar something.

Zolar.com, Zolar, XYZolar.com.

XYZolar.com.

X-Y-Zor.com

People getting pissed off.

And www.fuckyousygon.com

Yes, that's Clone to Homegrown's home website.

He's hating on Cygon.

Cygon is pissing him off and Clone is in there laying a smack down.

And yeah, the chat room is open and you should be in the chat room.

And how do you do that little command?

Let's see if you can get it right this time.

It's irc.lazy-net.de

Join the room pound PCU

Come on in here and take a couple swings

We have a good box of mats

Come around here

All courtesy of our wonderful host Matt

And our wonderful servers over here

Yes sir

And if you want to reach us here

You can call 1-888-278-8509

Again that's toll free

1-888-278-8509

Our phone lines are now open

So be sure to be here

hear and listen in and all that good shit what else can i say anything else we can talk about

before we do another prank i don't think so i think we run the gamut of what's going on in the

world all right man all right so will

So will Saiga never call

into our show

or any other show on PCU?

I say no.

I doubt it.

What was that?

I do want to make one comment.

Yeah.

Okay.

Joop's a weenie.

He ain't even in our chat room.

Joop?

He's probably got to go

to school and shit.

I don't know.

You think school started

already for him?

No, school started

around here anyway.

Yeah, school.

He had all summer.

School started here

two weeks ago, man.

This is like a third week

of school.

Yeah, and that's some shit

because we don't have snow.

That's why we never see him all summer either.

We don't have snow days.

Okay.

I don't know.

You know, Joop, he's got stuff to do on Thursday.

That's his, you know, that's his night when his mom's gone,

and that's when he's, you know, probably pulling it.

He's got the house to himself for a few hours.

That's what I did.

Whenever I was at that age, you know, my parents,

both my parents are gone, and I had the house to myself.

You know I was going to him.

We had the scramble box, you know, tune in to Playboy.

Boy, it came on at 8 o'clock, and you flip that switch on the old disc rambler cable box,

and you're good to go.

That's how you did it.

What, am I creeping you guys out?

What the hell's the problem?

It's all quiet.

I got crickets here, man.

No, man.

Sweet erotica.

That was the shit.

Boring.

Whatever.

Okay.

And Shit Yeah is asking what my...

8-millimeter stag film.

Shit Yeah asks what my taint smells like.

My taint smells like bananas.

And Mad Men...

That's pretty freaky.

Yeah, it is.

And I can't explain how that happens, but it smells and tastes like a banana.

Saigon is pissing people off.

He says the funniest thing on the show tonight has been that weird noise that the phone made a little bit ago.

Well, fair enough.

I'll give you that.

You know what?

That was a ray gun attack from the NSA, man.

They're trying to stop the madhouse.

I think they were trying to hone in on us.

And clones taking a hit.

That was a homing signal.

Look at the clones smoking away over there.

Smoke weed every day.

Fuck the NSA.

You fucked the NSA.

Fuck the NSA.

Hey, you guys, Clone, do you ever watch Weeds on Showtime, man?

It came back and I didn't even know.

No, man, I was going to talk to you about that.

You know a good site where I could download?

Mininova.org, I think.

You know who knows?

It's Earthdog.

He'll tell you in a second.

That's a pretty good show.

Dude, I saw the whole first season.

I turned a lot of people on to it.

And then I totally forgot that the new season was starting on Sunday, I think, or something.

I missed the first episode.

I totally didn't even know.

I know KDK is a big fan.

I've just seen the little fucking clips and shit.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm going to have to try to catch that.

I got the DVR, so I'm going to set it to record.

You know, I'll probably get the replay this weekend.

I'll probably show it.

I'm looking forward to that.

It's a good show.

I really like Weeds, man.

It's a good show.

Good, good show.

Look, man, you get Showtime out there in the Virgin Islands, man?

Yeah, man.

They got that, like, three or four channel version of it, the crazy shit.

You know, you can watch all that.

Man, I don't watch any of that crap.

No, you don't?

You don't get it at all?

You just get regular basic?

Is that what you get?

I don't even watch TV, brother.

I don't either.

I told you, man.

Like, it's been almost a year ago now.

I unplugged all my televisions.

I moved my computer monitor right over in front of my TV set,

and I plugged my guitar amp right in beside it.

Anytime I got a need to watch TV, I just turn my computer on,

and plug my guitar and i'm happy it's even worse man that's even worse on the computer is worse

how's andy she asked andy he i talked to him last night he said he was gonna listen tonight i don't

know if he is he's not in the chat room um he hasn't messaged me uh andy if you're out there

what's up he said he was gonna listen tonight uh andy hang on i forgot this right here carly

carly what's the what's the update now what he told me that that andy was in an accident on

on the way to Chicago.

No, he's fine.

He got rear-ended, and Dildo got jammed all the way up the ass into his throat,

and we want to know what the status is now.

Did he get it removed, or did they pull him on out?

No, it's not that, but Andy did get arrested on his way up to Chicago

for solicitation.

He tried to solicit sexual favors in a truck stop restroom.

That's all I know.

Oh, man, over in one of the pickle parks.

That's all we know right now, folks.

A rest stop.

So, again, that's the wrong sound effect.

Breaking news.

Andy has been arrested for solicitation of sexual favor in a public restroom, in a truck stop restroom.

From a transvestite.

Yeah, off of I-95, somewhere in the, I would say, somewhere around Virginia, maybe.

I don't know.

Whatever.

No, seriously, he said he made it to Chicago.

Oh, my goodness.

He's in Chicago.

I don't want to know if they actually surgically removed the dildo from his throat.

Or is it, like, pulled through?

Or is it, like, a permanent fixture in his body?

I don't know.

I think that...

Being rear-ended like that.

I think that fucking...

I think that he actually made it okay to Chicago, from what I understand.

I heard the guy's name is Seabass.

The guy that did it to him, his name is Seabass.

You know, he's got a leather belt, and it says Andy on the back of his leather belt.

Do you know why it says Andy on it?

So people know what name to say when they're doing them?

So the dude knows.

The name of the guy is fucking...

He can't say that he doesn't know the name of the guy.

He can't say that he doesn't know Andy's name.

Man, why do you hate Andy so much?

Andy.

This is what Andy gets for leaving the show.

This is what Andy gets for running off.

He gets made fun of.

Like a punk.

Bitch.

Like a punk, motherfucker.

So...

Ha ha.

Yeah.

And good on Andy is what Australian shit yeah says.

Good on Andy.

I mean something.

Clone, I'm gonna...

She's all apples, mate.

Yeah.

Your girl's Australian, isn't she?

Yeah, she is.

Yeah, that's nice.

She got long hair?

Oxycontin's going to smoke some ash.

Good.

Ash?

He's out of weed?

He doesn't have any resin?

He's just smoking ash now?

That sucks, man.

That's happened to me before.

I hate that shit, man.

Man, don't you hate?

Clone, you ever been to the point, you know, when you're down to just resin, you can't

get any weed anywhere, you're broke or something?

Resin hits.

Aw, man.

Yeah, it sucks.

I've got a big-ass ball of resin, though.

That's like the emergency

I ran out and I can't get none right now

So I'm going to smoke this tar

It is so

It is so rough on you

You set it in over top of the water heater

Until it dries like a crystal

And you like burn it

And it's like flashing on fire man

Dude it'll get you high

It's like concentrated THC in that tar

It is so bad for you though

Yeah it is really

The last time I did that

That's when I got bronchitis

That was the reason

is because I smoked that the next...

Oh, that car hack.

Yeah, the next...

I was already kind of getting sick.

I had inhaled some ash on accident,

and it was in my, like, in my chest.

That'll do it.

Yeah, and then right after that,

I smoked some resin.

Fuck it.

It was over.

All over, dude.

All over.

That sucking down the ash and shit.

Yeah, that tears you up, man.

That's not good for you.

You shouldn't do that.

But, hey, I was going to ask you...

You better off to hit a bong

or get rid of the resin.

You guys ever make brownies?

I used to.

Oh, yeah.

Is it easy to do?

Because I'm afraid I'm going to waste a whole batch of weed.

I don't want to do that.

No, you have to use a good bit of weed, but the main thing is you want it to stay moist.

You mix it with the butter.

You don't want to overcook your brownies and let them dry out.

Okay.

It's got to be moist.

Yeah.

We used to make weed butter.

Okay, so what's that?

You just take real butter with some water and boil it with some weed, and then you strain it, right?

Is that what it is?

No, we just fucking mix it all in.

Oh, okay.

Let it thaw out a little bit.

If you put it in the butter.

Okay, so can I just take it and, like, let's say I want to fry an egg.

Can I just, like, throw it in the butter and then fry an egg on top of it?

Wouldn't that work?

Sure.

It will?

If it was me, I'd put it on the egg, dude.

On the egg?

So as long as you're cooking it, it's going to get you high, right?

Because I want to try that.

Yeah, that's the thing, though.

It's not going to get you majorly high.

It's like a body hot, right?

It takes a lot more, but it gives you hellacious munchies.

Oh, that's nice.

If you do get it, it will really rip you, but it takes a lot.

I got to try that.

Next time I get some, I'm going to sit somewhere.

So how much are you thinking for like?

It makes a good number.

All right, for a batch of brownies, how much do we eat?

Are we talking I'm going to use a quarter, you think?

You're talking like a quarter or a half.

I'd use at least a quarter.

Damn, that's a lot, though, man.

Is it worth it, though?

It's a lot, dude.

If it's worth it, I'll do it.

That's what I'm saying.

I feel bad.

If you want to give somebody a taste.

I'll try that.

It's just a taste thing.

If you like it.

I hear the way you don't get high for a while,

but it stays with you for a really long-ass time.

When Athena went to Amsterdam in April,

she bought some at an actual cafe.

They sold the brownies right there.

She said it was awesome.

She said it got her high for about eight hours.

I think she said she got to the point where she went home.

She went to the hotel, went to sleep, woke up, and she was still really high.

Definitely got it.

Milkman, we're serious.

We're talking about going.

Here's one guy who says, I need five grams of good weed for some butter.

Yo, so, Milkman, we're talking about going to Amsterdam.

50 milliliters of butter.

We've talked about going to Amsterdam.

Yeah, man.

Let's go.

I'm thinking next summer.

If he wants to go, Andy said he'll go.

Hell, yeah.

We might be able to get Zolar to go.

Zolar Express interest.

I want to go.

Clone, man.

Save up enough money.

We're going to do a PCU party in Amsterdam.

I'd love to, man, but I can't leave the country.

Are you serious?

Don't bullshit.

You can't leave the fucking country.

Oh, man.

No, man.

The feds got him.

I don't want to know why.

It's an Uncle Sam thing.

It's an Uncle Sam thing?

You don't have your passports revoked.

They're still looking for them.

Yeah.

Well, we'll smoke enough for you then.

Man, that sucks.

If we do a PCU party up in Amsterdam, we need to have Clone Homegrown, man.

man. He's like the...

We'll bring him

live on the satellite link. I guess.

He's like the cannabis

ambassador of PCU, man.

He's right up there with me

and Zolar. We're like the pot smokers of

PCU. We're the marijuana representatives.

Clone's like the number one

guy. I put Zolar next.

I am in my normal chapter.

Zolar gets his fucking stuff. He gets

weed mailed to him from Amsterdam. I don't know how.

He says he does. I don't know if I believe him, but

he says that he gets mail order pot from Amsterdam.

hamster dam whatever so yeah i don't know man i just always wonder what a damn hamster weed

would taste like anyway i don't know hamster weed hamster they got they got some shit they got some

shit called a white widow out there athena says it's really powerful i used to grow a white widow

and white white rhino see you man milkman he this guy had an underground bunker he had he had a

trailer under the ground he was uh selling or used to grow in right in alaska yeah we were

going wow that's something man you're still looking for him in alaska man i guess so i guess

shut up man shut up um well he's up there man that's pretty close yeah so we're we're bullshitting

folks uh jake rosenthal asked if we've ever tried smoking two joints at a time one through

each nostril i can't say i've ever tried that um i can't say i've ever tried that i don't think i

I got hit a joint in my nose to get a good nose hit.

Yeah, that'd be more painful, I think.

So, I don't know.

So, like I said, a nose hit goes straight to your brain, man.

No one's calling the phone, man.

It's, again, the toll-free line is 888-278-8509.

888-278-8509 is the toll-free line.

I paid a lot of money to fix that.

I paid a lot of money to fix that, you know, to make it so you guys could call tonight.

night. I made it a priority on my

list of things to do, and no one's calling

in, man. Well, maybe I'll cancel

the deadline. We'll take a call.

Okay, maybe. Yeah, maybe. You can do that.

You can call in, and we'll do a prank.

We'll get you to do a prank. We'll see. We'll see.

We'll see if we just do that. If not, anybody else,

call in on the toll-free line. Let's do a prank

call now. We've been bullshitting for a while, long

enough, since Zolar hung up a while ago.

A while.

A while ago. We got Big Mamas

in California. We got Dollar

Tree in Arizona, and we got Costco

in Arizona. We've got bonkers

in Wisconsin. Costco.

Costco! That's one of those clubhouses,

right? One of those, uh, in whatever

they're like Sam's Club and shit. BJ's.

I got BJ's. Oh, yeah, that's right.

Yeah. Yeah, you know,

yeah, Costco, they don't take Visa cards.

I should call in and bitch, and, and, and. Really?

Yeah, they don't take Costco. And

Sam's is the same thing. They only take American Express

and Discover. Tell them somebody put a charge on your Visa card.

On my Visa. Hell

motherfuck yeah. I'm gonna do it right now.

And, uh, this song goes out for, uh. You have a

Costco Visa card.

Yeah, this song goes out to all the pot smokers out there who ride dirty after you do your purchase.

We all have to ride dirty when we smoke weed at some point.

Oxycontin wanted to hear that, riding dirty.

Well, here it is, riding dirty.

Evan, El Cosco, this is Kathy.

How can I help you?

Yo, what's up?

Nothing.

Yo, look, I got my credit card statement in the mail.

Mm-hmm.

And I got a charge.

I don't even know what it's from.

It says Costco, and I got the phone number there.

Yo, I called it.

Then you need to bring it in and stop at membership and they will help you.

No, I can't, man.

I can't take the bus at this time.

You've got to help me out, yo.

Okay, just a minute, please.

Okay.

That's how you get it done, folks.

That's how you get it done.

Social engineering at this time.

Mike, how can I help you?

Hey, Mike, how you doing?

How are you doing?

I'm not too happy.

Okay.

I got a charge on my credit card here with your phone number and it says Costco.

And I've never been to your store.

I don't even have a membership, man.

Okay.

It's on my Visa statement right here.

Okay.

Did you call the Visa?

I did.

They said they gave me...

They confirmed it was at the Costco, and they gave me their...

Well, the thing with Visa is we don't...

Is it a Visa check card or a Visa credit card?

My credit card, sir.

Well, we don't take Visa, so...

Will you call me a liar?

Look, it says right here, Costco.

I am not calling you a liar, but we don't take Visa, so...

Avondale, Arizona, and it has the phone number 623, all that stuff here.

So what are you going to call me?

You know, did you do it?

You don't take Visa, my man.

I don't know what to tell you.

Sir, who am I?

What's your name again?

My name is Micah.

Micah?

Yes.

How do you spell that?

M-I-C-A-H.

Micah?

Micah.

M-I-M-E.

M-I.

M-E-C-E-H.

Micah.

For Micah.

Micah.

Okay.

Micah, what's your social security number?

I mean, you have my credit card number.

You have my social security number there.

Why don't you share the wealth?

What's going on in the background?

What's with the joker to run?

Is this some kind of joke?

Is that why you guys charged my Visa card?

How many cigarettes did you buy with this Visa card?

How many cigarettes did you buy with my Visa card, Michael?

Michael.

So, what was your name again?

Michael.

How many cigarettes did you buy with my Visa card?

What was your name again?

What did you just say to her?

Chief.

588-04111.

What did you just say to her, I said?

Oh, no.

He's talking to me.

I just can't figure out who he is.

Sir, what did you just say to her with the phone covered up?

Why are you speaking in secret?

Where did you put the phone?

I can wait all night, sir.

What's your problem?

Please enter the number you wish to call.

The doors are closed because I want them closed.

They're not locked.

I locked the front door.

I didn't lock the doors of the studio.

So what's the problem?

You got in.

What's the problem?

Thank you for bringing coffee.

Appreciate it.

Wow, you got coffee?

Athena just brought home coffee.

That's good.

She gets home late at night and brings me coffee.

Yeah.

So what are your thoughts on that, gentlemen?

Costco.

That's a smart woman.

Yeah, it is.

Jesus.

What are your thoughts on that, Costco?

Yeah.

I want a refund.

I want a refund, too.

I have no idea what's going on over there with those assholes.

Well, they don't take Visa, obviously.

Yeah.

Jane Nefarious says, and Micah sounds like it took a quick bong hit in the Costco parking lot.

I agree.

What kind of name is Micah, man?

M-I-C-A-H.

Poor Micah.

That is a gay name, just like Nunu says.

The only Micah that I know was a gay person at a job that I used to work at a call center.

was a guy named Micah, and he was gay.

And he spelled it just like that.

Oh, that's cute.

Micah.

It's a Homer, Shaq show revelation.

I guess so.

So the toll-free line again is 1-888-278-8509.

Call us.

Okay, and Clone Homegrown is high.

That's how it is, folks.

That's how it is tonight here.

Like every day

What song is that

Do I have that

And if your glass will open

You hide like every day

And if your hands

Is a bluster

Oh that's Regulators man

Hell yeah

I'm gonna play that

Regulators

That's uh

That's Warren G isn't it

Yeah I got that shit

Right here

Hang on let me play that

Oh hell yeah

Good call man

Good call

Let's play this

While we talk to this caller

You're damn good too

but you can't be any geek off the street gotta be handy with the steel if you know what i mean

madhouse radio you're on the air what's up carl what's up how you doing man

this is jonathan oh jonathan great to talk to you my good friend jonathan i can tell

jonathan is the oldest listener on pcu and he's the only registered nurse that listens to pcu

athena come sit down next to me here honey have a seat sit on poppy's lap so what's up jonathan

But then how you been, man?

Oh, not much.

Hey, that was a good prank call that you just done with Costco.

The Costco?

Yeah, that was a good prank.

That was a good prank call.

Yeah, Athena, we went to Costco, remember?

Remember we went to Costco that one time?

And they said they don't take Visa cards.

So I just called and I said that they had charged my Visa card.

The guy's like, we don't do that here.

You can close all that.

That's fine.

You know, just, you don't even use Firefly.

Ruin it.

Okay, anyway, you want to hook that up right here?

Pick that up.

Anyway, Jonathan, how's the registered nurse business going for you?

I'm not a registered nurse.

I'm a part-time paraprofessional.

I work with disabled people.

I can't even hear him now.

Plug that in.

This is really dumb of me to do right now.

You do that, Athena.

Good girl.

You're what now?

I'm sorry?

I'm a part-time paraprofessional.

I work with handicapped people.

Oh, you work with handicapped people.

I thought for some reason you were a nurse or something, dude.

No, on a weekend, I drive buses.

Oh, okay.

Buses.

For handicap people, or just, you know, just a bus?

For the city.

Do you ever, you know, put the headphones on.

You're missing the great conversation.

Do you ever drive a school bus for the church or anything like that?

I used to.

You did?

Seriously?

Was it your church, or just a church?

I drive a short bus.

It's for my church.

I had one of them charter buses that we kids decorated the outside, and we just used that.

Okay.

Have you ever thought about joining a volunteer fire department and driving their truck for them?

No.

You should look into that, man.

That'd be cool.

Hey, when are you going to do another Fat Albert's restaurant?

Guys, when are we doing the Fat Albert's prank, thanks.

Milkman, do you know?

Let's do a Jack Masterson's call right next.

We can do one with him on the line.

We can do one with you on the line.

Do you want to hang on the line and hear it to us?

Hear it to us?

What the hell did I just say?

I said hear it to us?

What's that mean?

How much the writer is.

How much the writer is, yeah.

How much money you make.

How I make money.

Anyway, I'm a little wasted right now.

I'm sorry.

I'm a little wasted.

Okay, Lonesome.

Lonesome Losers.

We're going to tell them we've got a whole short bus full of customers coming in.

Okay.

They're all hungry and they're using wheelchairs.

Hey, Jonathan, you can be our handicapped person.

Here, you need this.

You heard that, Jonathan?

You're going to do that for us?

Say that again?

You're going to be involved in this.

I'm going to do most of the talking, but you're going to be our handicapped person who needs to be going to this place, okay?

Okay.

You're in a wheelchair, okay?

All right.

Okay.

Where can I go with this?

What can I do with a wheelchair guy at a restaurant, at the Club Underground Restaurant and Lounge?

What can I say?

They've got a whole short bus full of them.

A whole short bus full of them?

Okay.

And they need to have wheelchair service.

For everybody.

Yeah, I need them to take away all the chairs from the floor because it's going to be full of 30 people in wheelchairs.

20,000 chairs.

And they need to come out and help out.

Okay, good.

I know exactly what to do.

Okay, Jonathan, you hang on, and we'll do that.

We'll do that right now.

Hang on, everybody.

John Masterson.

Okay.

Bad bus driver.

We need to get the dead in on this, too.

The dead.

Saigon was saying the dead should call in as a handicapped person.

That's so true.

You're a free bullseye.

John, may I help you?

Hey, John, how you doing?

That's a good name.

That's my name, too.

What's that?

I said that's a great name.

That's my name, too.

I'm sorry.

I can't hear you.

God damn it.

I said that's a great name.

That's my name, too.

That's your name, too?

Yeah, I'm John Masterson.

All right, John.

Hey, man, I drive a bus out of the old man's home here for the deaf, dumb, and blind.

Yeah.

And I got about 20 of them.

We just came from a field trip over here from the base.

And I wanted to go ahead and see if we could stop on in if we had enough room for them.

How many people?

20 elderly people in wheelchairs.

Okay, they'll have to come to the back if they're in wheelchairs

because we have a handicapped ramp back there,

and there's a big plate of stairs in the front.

Okay, so we've got to come through the back.

Okay, so I'll park in the back then, right?

What's that?

I'll park in the back?

Yep, that'll work.

Okay.

One over here has a question for you guys.

One more, go ahead.

I'm here.

What kind of food do you all have?

We've got quite a bit of food.

We've got steaks, we've got burgers, we've got sandwiches,

pretty much everything you need.

Is that Coke?

Now, is the reason that you're having them come through the back

is because no one can hear them?

Pardon?

Is the reason you're having them come through the back is so that nobody can see them?

No, it's because we have a handicap ramp in back,

and we don't have any entrance for people in wheelchairs in the front.

Well, no, they can take the front.

They can take the stairs.

Oh, okay.

You said they were in wheelchairs.

Yeah.

We'll just have them.

I'll pull them, and I'll need one other guy to help push them up.

Hey, a lot of stairs go down.

That's fine.

We got time.

We got plenty of time.

They took a nap on the way over.

Okay.

All right.

You guys got a guy there?

Maybe you can help me out.

How big are you?

Can you think of any you could give us a hand?

You got muscles?

Nah, I'm the bartender here.

There's no way I'll have time.

Okay, so whatever.

We're bringing them through the back.

Okay, so how many tables are you going to have for them?

Well, if you need to seat 20, not a problem.

Okay, so...

We've got plenty of tables right now.

Every one of them needs to have their own waitress.

Well, we can't do that.

How many waitresses are you going to have?

All right, I've got to get going, partner.

I'll see you when you get here, then.

Hey, can I get a drink?

Can I get a drink order in?

Yeah.

They hung up.

Yeah, they hung up.

Hang on, let me clear the line here.

Actually, we'll keep the line active or we'll call someone else. That was okay. That was okay. That was a good one

Thank you. Thank you, man

No, it's good Athena like that

Okay, let me call any phase bark is selling green oh something

Hey, how you doing, honey baby, honey baby, sweetie, baby, honey, baby, bitch?

Hello?

Yeah, how you doing, honey baby, sweetie, honey?

Who's this?

My name is Ralph, Little John.

I'm calling to see if you guys are still seating tonight.

Still what?

Seating.

You want to come in and order food?

I'm sorry, there's a really bad connection.

Yes, I want you to seat.

Huh?

I want to seat the seat.

Hello, ma'am.

Yes?

Can I holla?

What?

Holla, holla, holla, holla, holla, holla, holla, holla.

With that, I totally messed that one up.

holla, holla, holla, holla.

Yeah.

So, Jonathan, how old are you again?

You're 46, is it?

Please enter the number you wish to call.

47 years old.

Milkman, how old are you?

49?

Please enter the number you wish to call.

No, man, I'm 87 years old.

Whatever.

Hang on, let's call the aristocrats.

Well, I got you beat, then.

I forget how old I am.

We're calling the Aristocrats Club Bar and Grill.

Is this the Aristocrats?

Yes, it is.

Why do you guys all stuck up?

I'm sorry?

I'm from Peasants Club Bar and Grill.

Oh, hey, how's it going?

Yeah, not bad.

What's with the Aristocrats stuff, huh?

You think you guys are too good for us peasants?

I'm not sure I know what you mean.

You ever hear of the banana revolution?

Uh, no.

These people threw these bananas in these cars and the tailpipes.

Okay.

And it made them go loud, boom, like real fast.

Right.

And we got those aristocrats.

We threw them in all the Mercedes-Benzes.

Huh.

And now the thing is, black people get gold in their teeth.

Right.

I don't even remember when they let them start voting.

Now they got gold in their teeth?

Yeah.

You think they like the taste of gold?

Uh, I guess so.

Or platinum.

Yeah, platinum.

Dude, you don't get platinum in your teeth.

That'll kill you, though.

It'll give you the cancer.

Yeah.

It'll give you the black cancer.

Yeah.

It turns black.

Does it?

Yeah.

You get any black people in there?

No, not at the moment.

Oh, really? Because you're the aristocrats, huh?

Right.

Yeah.

No, not at the moment.

Oh, you just said, yes, I got you on tape.

I got you on tape, you racist.

So how do I get into your little club?

Do I have to be American-born?

We're going to report you to the NCAAP.

I'm not sure what you mean by racist or how do you get in.

Well, how much money do you make an hour?

I'm sorry, I don't know.

Well, first of all, I don't know how that's any of your business.

And second of all, I don't know.

Okay.

What's the point, basically, is what I'm asking.

Tell you what, you don't have to tell me how much an hour.

How much do you make a year?

Enough.

Enough? More than $20,000?

Yeah.

More than $30,000?

Yeah.

Bullshit, man.

What do you do there? How do you money make?

Okay, this call is going to end now.

No, it's not, because I'm still here.

I'm still here.

How do you money make?

We're reporting you to the MTWP.

I command you to tell me how you money make.

Okay, so this call is over.

Okay.

Goodbye.

Bye, bitch.

Too fast.

How do you money make?

How you money make, everybody?

Something wrong with that guy.

That's what it is that I said that one time that I couldn't remember, Athena.

How you money make.

Please enter the number.

Are you having a good time, Jonathan?

Oh, yeah.

All right, man.

Well, we're going to let you go because the battery is going to die here any second now.

You wish.

All right.

Everybody go to Jonathan.com, and thank you for calling in, Jonathan.

Please enter the number.

All right.

Where's my cookies, Jonathan?

Bye.

Bye-bye.

What the hell are you talking about cookies?

Jonathan always gives cookies out.

He gives cookies out?

My cookies aren't going to work.

I don't want to know where to have my cookies.

I just want brownies.

Athena, we're going to make some weed brownies.

You know how to cook, right?

Hey, you know what we should do, Athena?

We should make that bread you make with weed.

Weed bread?

We should make what?

Weed bread, man.

Can't you make some weed bread?

Banana bread.

What about soup?

Can't I just throw it in my soup?

Banana weed bread.

Can't I fill, like, a dime bag in a thing of soup and eat it?

Sure.

Will that work?

Will it get me high?

Or will it just be a waste of weed?

It'll be a good waste of weed.

I'm going to do that.

Yeah, I'm going to get some chicken broth and boil it with some wheat.

What the hell is that?

Man, you want to put it in something that tastes good.

Yeah, some chicken soup, man.

That's some egg drop soup.

I'll put in some egg drop soup.

You want to blend it in, like pizza.

What about a tea?

Or an omelet or something, man.

What about a tea?

Can I put in some tea?

A what?

A tea?

Tea, man.

Tea.

T-E-A-T.

Hot tea.

Some Earl Grey.

Yeah, you can make a tea out of it.

I'm going to try that too, man.

Come on, Athena.

Break up the...

I'll tell you what I used to do is I used to take the stems and I'd boil them

and I used to take and freeze the water after I made that tea

and then put it down in my ice cube and put it down in my tea.

So you have iced wee tea.

Hang on, we got a call.

I think Brandon Vegas is calling in.

Hang on.

I took too long to answer the phone.

I'm sorry, BV.

I used to drive a short bus.

Call back in, Brandon Vegas.

I took too long to answer the phone.

Sorry about that.

I used to drive a short bus.

Go on, go on.

Las Vegas, Nevada.

Nevada.

That's awesome.

Okay, so I'm thinking I'm going to make some tea.

I think I could just microwave the water.

Do I have to actually boil the water?

Yeah.

I guess you can't just microwave it.

Yeah, I don't think that works.

I don't think you can nuke weed.

I don't know.

It just seems like a waste, man.

It seems like a total...

You can if you want to get it off your body.

If you don't want to do that, I'll dry your weed out.

Okay.

Nuke your weed.

It just dries it out.

You're too fat.

What's that now?

Okay.

We're just babbling here.

I'm going to take a break.

I'm going to take five minutes for myself here real quick.

Everybody, we're going to take five minutes for ourselves.

Actually, what Brandon Vegas is calling.

Let's talk to Mr. Vegas himself real quick before we do anything.

Brandon Vegas, you're on the air.

Hey, what's up, man?

Hey, man.

How you doing?

Good.

Have you been listening to the whole show or are you just tuning in?

I just tuned in like 15 minutes ago.

Oh, I see.

You've been missing a great show.

Shame on you.

Yeah, so we got the toll-free line back up.

You're welcome.

You're very welcome, as I'm paying for this.

How are things in Vegas, man?

You said it was like over in the 90s right now, like 98, 99.

Is that what you said it was right now over there?

Right now it's probably about 195 degrees.

I don't want to hear shit.

It's been 33 days over.

I don't know, like during the day it gets up to like 115, 120.

Holy shit.

It's cooling off now, though, because it's the middle of August.

Summer's almost over, so.

God damn it.

That's insane.

I wouldn't be able to walk outside.

It's not humid at all, right?

It's like a dry heat.

I guess that's not as bad as it would be here.

Yeah, the dew point's really low, so you don't really feel it.

Yeah, that's good.

See, I could do that.

A dry heat, like living in the desert.

Well, it is a desert, I guess.

That's some shit, man.

That's some shit.

Yeah.

Dude, do you want to go to Vegas, man?

Yeah.

You know my boss, he left for, he's leaving for Vegas on Friday.

He's going to be in a pool tournament out there.

And then his, the other boss, his wife is going to be going out there on Sunday, too.

I'm like, fuck, man.

These people just get to get up and go to Vegas and stuff to be in pool tournaments and stuff like that.

Sounds fun.

It sounds like a fun town.

My aunt's going to be here next week for some convention thing.

You guys have a lot of conventions out there, too.

Yeah, that's right.

All we have is conventions.

Yeah, that's like Orlando, pretty much.

It's all conventions.

Well, we have the theme parks, too.

Like, if you take Orlando, you make it a little smaller,

and you replace the casinos with theme parks,

and that's Vegas to Orlando kind of thing.

That's how it works.

Las Vegas just grew Orlando a couple years ago by a few hundred thousand people.

That's true.

It grew really big.

Like, really big, really fast.

Saw that on 20-20.

You want to do a prank call, man, or just call and say what's up?

Sure, I'll do a little something.

We got, right now, just confirmed, Errata Cafe and Backdoor Boba Cafe.

Is it in America or somewhere else?

These are in the States.

Errata Cafe is in New Jersey, and the Backdoor Cafe is in L.A.

A gay-sounding guy named Randy answered at the Backdoor Boba Cafe.

That's definitely a gay cafe.

It has, yes, it's in L.A.

It's a gay-fay.

All right, you want to call that?

Yeah, we'll try that one.

Okay, cool.

We'll do that right now.

Hang on, everybody.

Brandon Vegas with a prank call for us.

It's now 1155 Eastern and 855 on the West Coast.

Back in a moment.

Hang on.

How you doing?

All right.

Hey, what do you guys got going on over there tonight?

We're here?

Yeah.

A club or something like that?

What do you got going on?

Me?

Like a club, like a bar?

You got, like, dudes coming in there, like dancers and stuff or what?

No, we're a cafe.

Right on.

We got, like, the men of the 80s, kind of an 80s remix thing.

No, we don't have any.

We're just a cafe slash coffee shop.

Okay, all right.

That was quick.

What a jackass.

Couldn't have shown gay what the hell they took.

Hello?

Hey.

Yeah, from the madhouse.

Do you weigh, sir?

From the madhouse.

How much do you weigh, sir?

Mr. Gay.

Damn it.

Fucking gay.

We'll clear them.

We can call him back.

What was his name again?

Was he Randy?

Is that his name?

That's what he said.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

Hang on, let me call him back.

Talk to Randy Dandy again.

Randy Dandy coming up.

I think I'd rather get him angry.

Yeah, you talked to him.

This ain't going to happen.

The bitch in Guam McDonald's.

The bitch in McDonald's?

Yeah, man.

The Guam McDonald's?

I'd have to find it.

All right, Brandon, well, thanks for that, man.

Pretty good.

Anything else going on?

You want to give a what's up to anybody out there and PCU land before we let you go?

I'll say what's up to Milkman.

I haven't talked to him in a while on the phone.

All right.

You can't hear Milkman, but he hears you, and he says what's up.

Man, take care of yourself.

Thanks for calling.

Don't be a stranger.

All right, talk to you later.

All right, later, man.

So who is Saigon?

Saigon says he posts in the forums, but he doesn't do it under the name Saigon.

Any guesses?

I got a clone on me here.

Hang on, clone.

Hey, who'd you say?

Do you have any idea who Saigon might be?

Number one fag.

Number one fag in the forums?

I don't know.

Maybe it's that one guy who keeps doing shit.

I don't know.

Whatever.

So Randy Dandy says his name originated from a Sean Ward call.

Randy Dandy.

I don't know about that last name, Dandy, Randy.

Dandy to me is not a very straight name, but that's okay.

Whatever you're into, dude.

Don't feel bad about it.

Okay, so how about we take that break we were talking about real quick.

Five minutes.

Give you guys a chance to stretch out.

We'll come back and do another hour or so, and then we'll call it a night.

I'm trying to get Bruno Vega in on the line.

Reclude?

Is he out there?

Is he online?

No, he's not.

I'm in communication with him, but he says he's busy.

Okay, well, it would be nice to get Reclude on the line.

I'm going to tell him to call in.

Yeah, he's going to call in.

but yeah

we'll be right back after this folks

be sure to keep listening

it is now midnight

it's now Friday

the weekend is upon us here

August the 18th

we're over halfway through August

it's going to be September soon

and then October

it's going to start cooling off soon

I can't wait because it's hot as balls out here

it sucks

having it so hot in the world

can't wait for summer to be over

I have no AC in my car

We'll be right back after this everybody

Don't go anywhere

Visit madhouselive.com

Piece of shit up there

I never liked

Never talked to

All I know

He had me set up

He had my friend

Angel Fernandez killed

I hear

Right after this

Listen to a replay

Of Madhouse Radio

No you're not

I haven't

No you don't

If I am

You're gonna like it

Be sure to visit us

Online at

Madhouselive.com

Madhouse Radio, we're back, and we have a caller on the line.

Go ahead, Dr. Lego.

What's up, Lego?

How you doing, man?

My people's long time no speak to.

You know, I meant to call you the last couple of Thursdays,

and I did not have your new number programmed in my phone.

I was at a gig, so I had, like, no way.

I was going to call you in between sets.

I had no way of doing that, because I didn't have your number.

I'd get, like, a retort.

I kept forgetting, and then I called Kitty Cam.

I'm like, give me Khalido's number.

He's like, I don't know it.

I go, yeah, I figure it's you.

You're a gay guy.

That sucks.

Well, the toll-free line's back up, too, anyway, so.

Oh, really?

You made some money?

Yeah, I made some money.

My part-time job started kicking in, and I went ahead and paid that account up, and that's back on.

So that's up for the people.

For the people.

How are you doing, man?

I'm doing good.

I'm really tired.

I'm losing a lot of sleep.

I had some medical tests today.

Athena, do you know about my medical tests today?

I told you about that.

And they didn't come back too good, dude.

What's the matter?

I've got nerve problems, man.

My nerves are reacting very slow.

It's a weird thing.

Very weird thing.

What do they think?

I mean, what do they do with testing your blood, thyroid?

What are they doing?

No, they're thinking it's either a side effect of diabetes that I'm afflicted with

or it could also be a brain thing, a neurological brain thing.

So I'm probably going to have a brain MRI here pretty soon.

That's going to suck.

Have you had anything with that in the past in your life?

Any other trouble with it?

Yeah.

For the last four years, I've been losing, like, sensitivity

Creativity and just on one side of my body.

My left side of my body, I'm losing the ability to kind of, like,

coordinate and stuff like that slowly and gradually.

I have a lot of back pain on one side of my body.

Damn, bro.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Hey, it's all right.

I'm sure there's plenty of medicine out there,

and I'm sure they'll find a way to fix it.

I'm not.

No, I'm sure.

You know, hey, listen, we all have our own shit.

Yeah.

You got a bad back over there, man?

I got, you know, C1, C2 is a little fucking for cock,

but, you know, whatever, man.

You know, we all deal with our demons.

You know, you play the card you're dealt, man.

You know, the bad one is L1, L2.

When you get that messed up, that's bad.

Yeah, I'm trying not to.

Yeah, well, I got mine checked out, and I'm fine.

My L1 and L2 are just fine.

That's the neck.

You get hurt there, you're in trouble.

Well, I do have some problems with my neck, but that's, you know, that's a whole other story.

So listen, man.

You're eating pussy.

Go ahead.

I said I'm eating pussy, but I digress.

Go ahead, man.

What's up?

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, you're eating pussy while we talk?

No, you.

That's from eating pussy.

That's how you got your L1 and L2 messed up, your neck problems.

Really?

That's what I heard.

That's what Kim told me.

Damn.

Yeah, that's why.

She better shut the fuck up.

She does, you know.

You gotta keep your woman in check.

We talked to that feminist woman at the beginning of the show and her husband.

Speaking of feminist women, how's Athena?

She's right here next to you, next to me.

You're not listening, Athena.

Well, I know she's right here next to me, but...

No, she's not next to you.

She's next to me.

She's got that...

She's putting on the headphones now, so she's gonna hear you.

You should say, Athena, say hi to Lego real quick.

Hi.

Hi, sweetie.

Hey, did she, she heard the song I wrote about her, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, she did.

I played it for her on the iPod on our drive down from up north.

Tell her it's not every, not every girl I'll write a song about, she should feel honored.

So listen, this is, you know, fucking crazy.

By the way, did you hear on Monday we did the show live from a Japanese restaurant?

You told me, and I've been waiting for a copy of that because I had to work.

I'm actually away in Pennsylvania, so I'll be back on Monday or Tuesday and I'll do it.

But I wanted to tell you that I've been hanging about the Stern Fan Network a little bit,

posting some stuff about the show and this and that.

I'll tell you, man, the Stern Fan Network just really sucks.

Everybody on there, you post a message and you think you've got Zola on your show,

Hi Pitcheric

Billy Mira

Who are all affiliated

With the Howard Stern show

And everyone's like

Oh fuck you

Lego

You're trying to promote

Your own show

Fuck off

Get out of here

Yeah

They don't take kindly

To that

No

I post in there now

I started posting in there

This week

And I won't

Post my show

I just have my signature

And shit

You know

Set up

So it comes up

So maybe people

Will link to it

You know

At some point

They'll click the link

Right

Well you know

I was just posting stuff

Really

When I post a show, I post a high-pitched article beyond tonight, because he was.

What's wrong with that?

I got bashed.

Everyone seems to just say nasty shit.

There's this one guy, Grover, who actually does some kind of music for Howard now.

He does the weak wrap-up.

He calls it wrap-up and rap.

I'm going to give him props.

He's a pretty good rapper.

I definitely think he's talented.

Did I like him that way

But he was a total dick to me

So, you know, I did a little interview with him

It's on my MySpace page

If you go to myspace.com forward slash

Dr. D-R-L-E-G-O 69

Okay

Which you can also get from the PCU MySpace page

Okay

And, you know, you'll hear my little interview with him

I played a little of it on Katie Kay's show last night

But, yeah, you know, whatever

I gotta tell you, honestly, I'm pretty done

Pretty done going on there

Really?

I gave those guys some money.

I became a supporter.

So you did the, is it $30 or $25, I think it is, you got to donate?

Yeah, whatever it was.

I pumped those guys some money, and, you know, that's what I get.

That's the thanks you get for that, yeah.

Well, I mean, it's not the people who run it.

It's not Mutt.

He's cool with Zolar.

It's more the, I don't know, there's people under, they just jump at people's throats.

The second you say anything, like, self-promoting, they're like,

oh, you know, I've noticed I'm not going to donate.

I don't have that kind of money, so I'm a junior member now,

So every day I post like three or four times

I figure in a month I'll be able to post in there regularly probably

Right

But I see all the time they make fun of people

Like they'll flame somebody

And then they'll say I guess I have to wait 30 minutes

For your answer kind of thing

You know like they're kind of throwing it in your face

That you're some kind of lowly

Junior member kind of thing

I don't know they really take that seriously

Yeah no no

If they can bash you they will

And that's you know I'm really

You know I don't mind being bashed

If I really did something to be bashed about

Like, you know

I didn't go on there and spam

Prank the World

Sega Prank the World

I went on there because I know

Stern fans want stuff related to Howard Stern

And that's why I posted on there

Because I figured, hey

If Hyper is going to be on the show

If Zola is going to pop in

Billy Mirror, whoever it is

And these are all, you know

I mean, Pitch and Zola are Stern VIPs, you know

So it's like

Come on

I'm not

I'm saying

Guys

If you want to hear these guys

That are going to be on the show tonight

Come take a listen

I'm not saying

I'm

I'm Dr. Lego

You don't know who I am

And here's my show

I'm saying

Stern people

Are going to be on my show tonight

And if you'd like to take a listen

Take a listen

You know

And instead I get bashed

The best thing to do probably

Is for us to get one other person

Who's not

But you know what

That's bullshit

Because Earthdog does it

He'll go in there

And he'll post

Hey everybody

Zolar's going to do a show tonight

And he'll post in there

I don't know if they flame her or not.

I don't know if people, because, you know.

Well, no, you know why they won't?

Because it's Zolar's show.

That's what I'm saying.

An independent person.

But I don't even think they pay attention to him when he does that.

I don't know if they have or not.

Well, have we ever gotten listeners, like, that we know of from Stern Fan Network at all?

I don't think we have one.

I don't know, dude.

I'll tell you.

I got to say, like, last night I called in.

I spoke to KDK.

And, you know, I do love the guy.

I mean, I think he's funny.

And I think, but, you know, he's very, you know, like, he said something to me, like, like, I told him I was gonna, I was gonna do this, you know, he's like, why bother? He goes, what, he goes, what do you, like, I told him, you know, we're gonna try to do this show out of the Japanese restaurant again. He's like, why bother? He goes, what do you, what do you, what are you doing all this for anyway for?

what oh my god really yeah and i'm like you know what though in a way you know what i i kind of

like made me feel you know what fuck it why am i doing it you know it's like i'm trying to run a

business i'm trying to make a living and i think i'm gonna i think i'm gonna actually step back

from doing pranks i think i'm gonna uh get out of it i'm sorry to hear that dude i mean don't

i don't know i just here's what i do you know what i do every thursday i come i do a show i do my

my own thing, I do it at my pace with my friends, and we have a good time, and you know what,

and after that, I don't bother with it anymore, I don't listen on Saturdays anymore that much,

because I work, and I try to catch a show here and there, I go in the chat room doing

a show and everything, but I really, I don't try to get involved in the drama, I just kind

of do it, you know, for me, for my show, I have the podcast going, and that's really

big right now, so I got a lot of people who just listen on the podcast, because they can't

And listen in at this time of night.

Yeah, you know, I was doing that to the podcast for a little bit.

And, you know, I got to say, you know, what I was thinking of doing was actually dropping the live show

and just doing a podcast because I could put out a podcast once a month

and I can do calls during the day and get really good calls.

And I can edit it and make it, you know, I can make it move and make it fast-paced, you know.

Because a lot of times, I mean, like right now, I think you and I are doing good radio, we're talking, it's legitimate stuff that we're speaking about.

But I'm saying a lot of times, you know, doing a prank show is tough because you really do never know what you're going to get.

I mean, you can make phone calls before you get somebody who's going to respond the way you want.

And, you know, what is it all for?

I mean, sometimes, you know, I think the highest amount of listeners I ever had was like 72.

too. And, you know...

That's fixed, though, man. We had the problem with the

Shotcast stream. It's fixed. It'll take a month, but

I know the numbers will come back up.

We're getting to that time of year, and

we're going to be listed out there.

We're starting to see people...

I put them on a brand new server.

I don't think it was ever a server

issue, though, now that I'm...

Whatever it is, dude, it's working now. It's working like a charm.

It's always up. And during the afternoon,

the numbers are going... I monitor

it from work, and we used to have

maybe six, eight people on during the

the afternoon we're back up in the 20s and 30s and the afternoon yeah but i mean think about it

20 30 people in the world listening it's give it time no it's not even a freaking needle in a haystack

i know well we just got back on there you see those 20 or 30 people are going to become you

know 40 and 50 they were up you know during the afternoon we used to get like 60 people

then i'd then i'd say something there's gonna be something we got it you know there's gonna be

Maybe something we can do.

Why don't we watch the thing on Shotcast?

I'm not saying this to you.

I just haven't been having a great time.

I've been working my ass.

I don't know.

I'm just getting a little...

I love the show you do.

I'm sorry to hear that, dude.

You do great shows.

It's funny to have you on.

I mean, I miss your Monday night show.

I'm waiting to hear it, but...

I mean, look right now.

For example, here's...

Other than the fact that the show audience

was out of a Japanese restaurant,

made an on-restaurant and tried...

The problem is, you've got to be patient.

And, like, you know,

I took high-pitched after dinner.

thing you know do the show there i run home i bring all the crap over to do the show

set it all up we actually filmed it we set up cameras this that and we got on i had no i had

no time to get anything ready so like the you know the beginning of the show was exciting and

and we you know we did some stuff and then then it just really went nowhere i was really when i

left there like okay this is cool we did it in a lot you know and it's not that i sucked it just

it happens man you know I've had like

I've gone a whole month in a row where my show

sucked I mean honestly I didn't have

one good prank call I had audio problems

I had this and that but you know

and it was funny because I thought about quitting

the show several times at the end of it you can attest

to that then I asked you several times should I just stop doing this show

because it's not fun anymore

and because there's too much drama involved with it

with people around here and you know

certain people out there with the drama

you know and um but I said

you know what I have fun doing it and

And you know what gets me always, Lego, there's always people out there,

even if it's just for me personally, if there's 30 people out there listening to me right now,

look, right now there's 33 people on PCU, there's 5 people on my personal server,

and there's 19 people on T-Big Radio who simulcast me.

So we're talking 57 people who are listening to my show.

To me, that could be 20 people, and I'm happy because that's 20 people

who are taking time out of their day, out of their night, to listen to me because they enjoy it.

And the phone's been ringing off the hook tonight and everything.

Well, did

you ever think that maybe that's 20 people

that are the same 20 people that are always on that?

Yeah, it can be more.

You know, like, you gotta, one thing I gotta say is,

and this is not a diss to anybody,

because one thing that I love about TCU is,

Is every, it's like, oh, we all have times that we're on this fucking radio every night

and in this chat room pranking people.

It gives me something.

You know what?

We're not doing something right that we don't have over 100 listeners a night.

And it's not saying that we're fucked up and we're stupid or something.

I'm just saying that there's something that we need to do to get this out

because we have the ability to get to 100, 200, 300 people every night.

But I'm saying, for you to do in your show, I do the same thing.

I mean, I go to MySpace, I've created a MySpace page.

I go around the MySpace pages and I comment and this and that.

I'm even like Tech TV.

You know, I've become a couple of people on Attack of the Show

and I've been like trying hard to get them to do like a little blurb on us.

If you ever watch it, they have something called the feed.

Yeah, I know.

I watch it.

You know Kevin Rose?

Yeah, well, I know Kevin.

Kevin just got, like, the company.

Yeah, well, so they say.

But I've been actually, I've traded emails with him,

three emails, different emails, telling him about my thing,

you know, my show and PCU,

and I'm trying to see if we can get that exposure.

There's got to be...

Well, he might do something.

If you can get an article written,

if you can get some reviews written,

he might come with you on Dignation, you know,

but he's really freaking busy right now.

You're better off.

You know, I've been hitting Kevin Pereira, I've been hitting Olivia Munn,

I've even been hitting guys like Chris Gore, Anna David, you know, Zach, Will, O'Neal.

I've been hitting them all, and, you know, they respond to me, and they, you know, they're like,

yeah, you know, da-da-da-da-da, and we'll see, you know.

I'm getting, I mean, at least, you know, there was a time I couldn't even get them to respond,

So now they know who I am, and they're being cool, and we'll see.

But, like, with Kevin Rose, I think what Kevin could probably do, if anything,

is if he got, like, an article of ours, you know, about you or PCU on Dignation, that's a start.

That's the kind of exposure we need.

The problem is, I don't know if I ever told you this story about, you know,

know, when I started doing the prank show back in 1998, we did it, you know, we did

it through, like, 2000, 2001, whatever it was, maybe even 2002, I think.

Prank the world.

Whatever it was, you know, Sirius Radio was in its infancy, and I was doing a, I was actually

an engineer with a band that was on Sirius Radio, and I was up there, and I was speaking

to the program director, and I got pretty friendly with them, and they loved the idea

of doing a prank show, a comedy show, you know, on their comedy channel.

And we went back and forth a bunch of times,

and the reason they didn't do it then was, I think,

the reason they don't do it now, and it's simply the legality.

Yeah, the liability, and I told Zola this last week,

there was a dude here, Drew Garabo did a night show,

and he used to always do prank calls, and it was a big hit here locally,

but after a while, he got told,

look, you can't do this unless you tell the people they're on the air.

That's a legal thing.

So every time he did a call, he would have to start out with,

you know, you're on my radio show, you're on the air, or something like that.

And he did it for a while, but it kind of, it doesn't work after all.

You know, I mean, how does that work, dude?

Like, if I wanted to make a CD, like the Jerky Boys,

they had to get permission from people to...

All right, look, there's a fine line between love and hate, all right?

Me and AP the Gimp, who you might have heard like once or twice,

He came in and did a couple of shows with me over the past year.

When we started the Pranksters, we were originally called the Pranksters,

and this was after the gross tape.

We did a Prankster CD, which was like the Jerky Boys,

only the difference was our stuff was much more vulgar.

And we did it.

We put it out ourselves.

We sold a lot of copies of it, and we never got any permission from anyone to do anything.

thing and our philosophy was we got sued good it's you know it's good it's exposure it always

comes down to it's just more exposure and you actually make out yeah it is but the other thing

too is you got to remember we put it out independently so so we didn't we didn't have

like a major label like sony or atlantic like the jerky boys did we had you know and we had no

company that was there was no company like you bought the pranksters there was no information

to even contact us on.

The only person that would get in trouble

was the record store that sold it.

But there was never any problem with it.

And my feeling is if you put out your own CD,

you'd have no problem.

If you wanted to put out a CD

and get picked up by a decent independent indie label

or a major label,

they wouldn't take it unless you had releases.

So that's what the Jerky Boys did.

They get releases, right?

Well, they did and they didn't.

Some they did, some they didn't.

A lot of their shit is staged, though, man.

A lot of their shit was staged.

Yep.

You know?

And people don't realize that.

You know, the Jerker Boys are big and all that.

A lot of their shit, you can tell,

it's Kamal talking to whatever his name is,

Johnny B or whatever the fuck that guy's name is.

What's his name?

Yeah, no, a lot of it's not real.

A lot of it's not real, but it's funny.

Did you ever hear the original Prankster stuff?

I heard the tapes that they released,

that one of them released with their stuff from way back,

and it wasn't that...

If you go on pranktheworld.com and you listen and you click on archives,

there's a prank there called Man with a Van.

That's the kind of shit we used to do.

And it was really raw, really vulgar.

To me, that was the signature of what the pranksters, what we were doing.

And, you know, we would spend, just to give you an idea, Toledo,

You know, we would spend a day in my condo, me and AP the Gimp,

we would spend the whole freaking day from 11 in the morning till clock at night

just in the room with Pro Tools making pranks.

And we'd probably get two or three calls by the end of the day

that were good enough to edit and put up on a CD.

Right.

And that's really, and I'm talking, you know, we'd make 50, 60 pranks that day.

That's how it is, though, man.

Man, I've been working, what, a whole year, and I think I have enough now to make a good CD, you know?

Well, that's what I'm trying to tell you.

That's the problem.

That's the only problem with the live show.

Yeah.

Okay, now, okay, here's the other problem.

And we're trying to get more, see, that's why I think you need to have things that are in the can.

Because you have a, I like your show.

The more and more I listen to it, the more and more I liked it.

And same with Sean Ward.

I didn't really get Sean Ward at the beginning, even though he's not doing it really anymore.

But I didn't get them too much at the beginning.

And then once I got his humor, I really liked them, too.

But the problem is that you, okay, if I didn't know you and I was on the Stern Fan Network,

I saw your post and said, oh, let me check out Madhouse Radio, the pranks.

Let me see this.

And I came into the show tonight, for instance.

Right.

And you, you know, you started the show and blah, blah, blah.

You know, all of a sudden, and I didn't really understand what was going on here

and I didn't hear the pranks.

I might get disenchanted.

Right.

It's, um, I don't know, it's, here's what I'm thinking.

Let me interrupt real quick.

Why don't we just do something where we do, like, we need to get, I'll do it.

I'll do it.

I swear to God, I'll sacrifice the time.

We took the best out of my show, out of your show, out of KDK's show, made one MP3,

release that as an, release, play that on one night that no one else is on on PCU,

and also release it as a podcast, and also post it somewhere, you know,

So that way you don't have the live show where it's hit or miss.

We can have good shows, we can have bad shows.

Actually, what you're saying is it could be our weekly wrap-up show

where we take the best of all the shows of the week.

Exactly.

You do that, let's say we do it on every Tuesday night.

We release a podcast every Tuesday night.

We also play it on PCU.

We also post it on PCU.com or whatever, PCUradio.com, and promote that.

Mind-based pages, we spam it out.

Exactly.

And just do that.

I mean, that could be pretty cool.

I think that's a good idea.

And then the niche for the people who are super fans, let's say, or whatever,

listen to the live shows on Thursday with me on whenever you do your show.

You know what I mean?

But that way, you know, the core audience is going to be something people who can listen on their own time.

Not everybody can listen at 10 o'clock at night.

Here's the problem with that.

And I don't mean to sound negative.

I'm just trying to throw all the different scenarios at you.

The problem with that one, I think, is to do that, to stare and go through my show, your show, KDK, and Zolar, that's time-consuming.

It is.

And it's time-consuming to edit it together correctly.

I mean, honestly, to me, if I was doing it, it would take me almost half a day to a day to do it.

That's a job right there.

That's the problem.

awesome it would be, though? Do you know

how awesome it would be if we had the best calls from

our show, the best calls from my show,

the best calls from Lego's show, the best calls

from KDK's show, the best talking,

the best callers, people calling

in, and we made it into one show.

If there was a way to do that,

if we promoted that as the

heart of PCU itself,

that would be perfect.

I think that's a good

idea, but the two problems

are, is the time it would take

to really edit a show like that,

Yeah, unless every week, you know, we, unless every week, like one week you commit to do it,

one week I commit to do it, one week KDK, I don't think we can commit Zola to do it

because he barely knows how to turn his fucking computer on.

Yeah.

But other than that, you know, it's, you know, it's not a bad idea, you know,

but I can't say to you, hey, I'll always have the time to do it, and I can't say, you know,

and the other thing, too, is any of us can't say that, and then the problem comes to, you know,

How do we make, okay, so let's say we build this thing up, you know,

how are we really going to make money with this?

Because ultimately, it would be nice to get, even though we do this because we love it,

if we're spending a lot of time on it and taking away time from other things,

how do we get compensated?

It just takes a little bit, it takes to the point where as long as it's a good product

and I'm 100% convinced, I have that kind of faith in it,

That the best of our four people

The best of that

Let's say like Milkman is standing in the background

You can't hear him but everybody hears him

He hears you

That you know let's say twice a month

We release the best of two weeks

Of all the calls and all the talking

And all that let's say what not

Into one show that we can release every two weeks

Or maybe every one week or whatever

Probably two weeks is more of a

More conservative of our estimate

Right

I think that's very marketable

and that's as the word gets around

and it spreads like wildfire

and the opportunities just present themselves.

As far as advertising,

we make one website

where we can post it on a constant basis.

But the whole thing is,

you know, I'll offer,

I'll take care of the podcast.

I have the podcasting thing down to a science right now,

to be honest with you.

Every week, you know,

I have the time enough

where I put my show on there and my pranks.

And I got a good number of people who listen to it,

but nothing to hark about.

out. If someone would provide me with

if I can't listen

to every show every night, it's impossible.

How do you know how many people are downloading your podcast?

It shows up on iTunes?

Feedburner.com. Feedburner is

a website that you can use that'll

tell you how many people are subscribed to it, how many people

uploaded

from it on that day. On a daily

basis, it gives you an update of your stats.

Now, how does Feedburner do that?

You do your XML through

Feedburner? No, they just track

it for me. They have a way that

They have their bots or whatever to track it.

I can tell, I get like five people

that listen through their PSPs,

their PlayStation portables.

I got three people on my Yahoo.

I got some people on iTunes.

I got some people this other way

through Firefox, I don't know.

But what I'm trying to get at is,

you know, if someone could provide me with,

just tell me, okay,

here's Zolar's entire show from Friday.

The good pranks were here, here, here, and here.

At this time, at this time,

I mean, not even that time.

Just tell me there were these good pranks

Around this time

I can go in

I can edit it

And I can make it

Into a whole thing

I'd have to have it

Provided to me

I can't be there

Every night

But if there was a way

For me to get

You know

The archives

Of everybody's show

On a daily basis

Yeah even that

Or like maybe a listener

Could tell you

Like keep track of it

Yeah hang on

Milkman

Go ahead Milkman

Hang on

Go ahead Milkman

I record almost

Every live show

Milkman says he records

I can give you

What I have

Every night

Milkman says he records

Every live show

Just about

And he can provide me

So, I mean, I don't know

That's just a brainstorming thing

I don't know, that's a way for us to get the word out

Combined, our talent is really good

The four of us, you know, Sean Ward does the show occasionally

He hasn't done a show in months

I don't even count him anymore

I mean, he's cool, he's a good friend of mine

He's called it, he hung out with me here

He came, he stayed at my house here

And he's a good friend of mine and a brother

But he doesn't do a show all the time

He's got his own thing going on

Really? I didn't know he came there

Yeah, he stayed here for a whole week

just about in January, yeah.

And we did two shows together here, actually.

We had a great time.

He's a great guy, but he's got other things.

He's got a comic book, and he's got TV shows

that he does and stuff in Canada, and he's busy.

Yeah, that's what I heard, man.

That's cool.

No, he's a very talented guy,

and he's a great prank caller, I'll tell you what.

But anyway, look, dude, if the Jerky Boys could do it,

if the Jerky Boys could sell and make a lot,

you know, a decent amount of money,

and even do a movie in the 90s,

they did a movie and everything,

and they're pretty famous with a lot of people right now for doing prank calls,

we can do it.

We, as combined between me, Carlito, Lego, Zolar, and KDK,

we are talented, way more talented than the Jerky Boys could have ever hoped to have been.

Well, you know, I agree to that.

Again, you know, with the Jerky Boys, I just bought some fucking little arms.

Ooh, that's nasty.

I hate it when that happens.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

I enjoy being able to remember what I ate for dinner.

It burns my nose.

So what I'm saying is that the first Jerky Boy CD was good.

And the reason it was good was because it was fresh.

It was new.

And that's the problem we have right now.

Anything that comes out now is compared to the Jerky Boys.

And let me tell you, I don't know if you're aware of this or not,

But around the time that I had put out the gross tape, there was already, I mean, I could count at least 15, 20 other Frank Paul CDs that came out before, this is before the internet.

Yeah.

This was right after the Jerky Boys had made their success.

We're talking 94, 95, and 93.

Yeah.

Yeah, I remember.

I remember this point in time.

You know, there was a lot of other guys, you know, that put out CDs that were not near as successful as the Jerky Boys.

So, you know, you're up against a few things, and that's the problem.

But, hey, listen, you know, I would, you know, if you're down and everyone else is down, I would go for it.

I'm down.

Dude, I will do, like I said, I have the whole podcasting process fine.

I'll post it on my website.

If you give me access

I'll post it on one of your servers

If you want to

Go ahead

Where

Your server is where

Where do you get your server

Madhouse Lab

I get it through Yahoo

And I get a shitty deal

But I started with them

And that's who I'm with

I'll be happy to change it over

What are you paying

Like

I think it's like

13 bucks a month

Right now

For some

For like shit

I'm like about

I'm at around 60%

Capacity of my

Server space right now

With all my

Damn man

When you're ready

Bring your shit over

I'll fuck you up

Okay

Yeah get with me

We'll do that

That'd be great

But I will

I will volunteer

To do the whole podcasting thing

If people provide me

With the

The ripped streams

Of the shows

I don't have a problem

If they tell me

Where the good stuff is

I'll do it

Earthdog volunteered

And uh

Milkman and some of the

Earthdog is volunteering

To help out

I mean

That's how it starts

Right there

Earthdog you know

He does

There's a lot for the show

Okay

And you know

Like guys like

And Lonesome Loser and The Dead.

You know, like, even, like, that guy, you know, he can be controversial sometimes.

Let me tell you, man, that kid gets out at the IRC.

He's out on Skype.

He breaks his back.

He breaks his back for PCU promoting us.

You're right.

And stuff like that is why I still do the show.

People like The Dead and Lonesome Loser every night, confirming numbers.

Yep.

You know what I mean?

People like Earthdog.

People like Jew.

Dude, people like, you know, James Nefarius, Brandon Vegas,

people who have been listening to this show for a whole,

listening to me for a whole year, been nothing but supportive and stuff.

You know what I mean?

If, let's say, Prank Call Radio.

I mean, every part of you just said, you know, it's...

Well, we need to step it up a notch.

We conquered that at this point.

The whole niche thing, the whole underground thing, that's done.

You know, okay, yeah, we're underground, but let's, we can be more than that.

I mean, I don't know, let's say we just turn Prank Call,

you have, you own PrankCallRadio.net, right?

right?

PrankHallRadio.com.

Perfect.

Right there.

We make that the focus

of the podcast,

let's say,

right now.

I'm doing nothing right now.

Let's say that.

Okay.

PrankHallRadio.com.

We make it its own thing.

We promote that.

We put,

you know,

the best,

you know,

here's what we do.

We put all,

you know,

my entire show,

we'll put it up on there.

We'll put all of your,

we'll put your whole show

on there whenever you do it.

We'll put all of Zolar's show

every week on there.

All of KDK's show

if he's down with it,

On there

He'll be down

I mean

KDK can be weird

With things

But

If it's something

That's positive

That's going to

Promote everybody

Of course he will

And then we do

The whole

Best of thing

And promote that

To the max

On a weekly

Bi-weekly

Monthly basis

Whatever it takes

Honestly

We can get

Those kind of

Listeners here

Even if it's not

Listeners live

If we know

That there's people

Who are listening

To the show

People like

Kevin Rose

And Leo Laporte

They don't go by

They don't even do live shows

They just release a podcast on a weekly basis

Right

They're getting deals left and right

Again you're talking about

Like Kim and I were even talking about Kevin

I really like Kevin a lot

And you know

I think

The thing with Kevin and Leo

Is you know

They had all those years of screen savers

And attack of the show

You know behind them

There's other people though

There's people there who just started in podcasting

Kevin Pereira

He started doing a weekly

Internet show

That's how he started

He was like 17

And he did a weekly podcast

And he ended up getting picked up by

G4 and stuff

That's how he started

We can totally do that

There's tons of people who just do a podcast every month

There's podcasts out there

That get thousands upon thousands of hits

And people who are into them

and stuff like that, and they get, you know, they get their name out there, you know,

and that's all they do.

We can talk, that's the new, you know, I mean, we can.

Yeah, no, I hear you.

I'm going to be honest with you.

I'm going to do the show live this Monday night with high pitch.

You know, with high pitch, he's not really, you know, he's not really a good, you know,

he's a nice guy.

I don't think he's a great caller.

You know, he doesn't, like, he's just, you know, every time I give it to him,

Give him the thing

You know, it's the same thing

Over and over again

He doesn't come up with anything

He doesn't get it

Yeah, but

Does he stink?

Real quick

Let me interrupt

Does he smell bad?

He can, yeah

Okay

Who told you that?

I just hear that, you know

From the show

From the Stern show

Yeah, like

The guy

I mean, you know

He can take a shot

You know, whatever

He's really

I mean

The deal with him is

Truthfully, he's a nice guy

he's kind of got the mentality of a child and and he's really in a lot of

ways very innocent you know I mean that's I don't know how to describe them

I want to do my show is I'm gonna do the show live Monday and then I think what

I'm gonna do week you know if I think I'm gonna put it most so in the camp

meaning I'll come on live I think most of the show is gonna be can because it

it'll enable me to keep the pace up and keep quality up.

Dude, why not?

It'll keep the listeners, obviously, more interested.

Here's an idea.

Do you remember when I was unemployed and I was doing shows in the afternoon?

Do you remember how cool that was?

Yeah.

Okay, because, you know, obviously it's better to do a prank call during the day.

You know, let's say let's do a bunch of prank calls in a day,

record them, separate them out, the good shit,

and at night just come on and say,

say, hey, you know, this is Lego, blah, blah, blah, talk some bullshit, here's this prank

call, play it, come back, talk about the prank call.

I actually have a part program is, like at a radio station.

Yeah, they use the cars, they load the cars with the business.

This is on your computer screen.

Okay.

And in each box, you'd put like an MP3 in it.

Good, that's awesome.

I need that.

Yeah, I'll give you, it's for Windows and Mac, so it works.

Okay.

That's a phenomenal one.

Okay.

I mean, it's more consistent.

I'm going to start doing that and see how it goes.

It's more consistent that way, dude, honestly.

Because, you know, every time someone listens in, they're guaranteed a good show.

They're guaranteed something funny.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

If you don't have that, you have a new listener listening to them and they don't know what to be like.

Yeah, what if, you know, someone listens for the first time and it's like, you know, we're having trouble, we're not getting any good pranks.

You know, I try to mix it up with, you know, Cloned and Milkman.

We try to talk about, you know, what's going on.

We talk some bullshit.

When Andy was here hanging out with me, we would talk some shit too, you know what I mean?

But, I mean, when it comes down to it, if people want to listen for pranks, you know, and you have a good night, that's great.

That's all in good.

But if we can guarantee every time that someone's going to, you know, that we're going to have something good, something funny going on,

that's when people are going to keep listening on a constant basis.

And they'll tell their friends because they can guarantee, hey, man, look, you know, this guy, this people, PCU,

it's like four or five different people who do prank calls and they're always funny.

You know what I mean?

They always have something good.

You know, there's a reason to listen to the show.

There's no chance that you're going to get a show where it's just them talking about the fucking war on Israel or something like that.

You know what I mean?

Exactly.

Will it work out?

I don't know.

You know who else edits pranks pretty good is Earthdog.

Earthdog does a great job.

He's a great editor.

He does something incredible, dude.

He's a very good contributor.

People like Lonesome Loser get us the numbers.

Earthdog is really good with audio.

If we combine his talent, dude, and we did a monthly or a weekly or a biweekly production, whatever we could manage,

You know, I really think there's nothing that could stand in the way of PCU becoming something else than what it is.

Honestly, that's...

Yeah, maybe we could even, like, on prankholeradio.com, we could, you know, we could start a new forum there.

Like, I know KDK has the forum.

KDK's website is very old.

Prankholeradio.com became the site for the podcast and also a site maybe for the, you know, you put a forum on there.

And maybe we can eventually do a thing like Band Network has, you know, be, you know, be a, you know, a show, you know, send us 20, I mean, you know, come on, if a lot of people are listening, what's $25, you know?

Yeah.

And then maybe we could all put a little money in our pockets from, you know, I think we all, you know, I'm not like...

Yeah, I mean, not to be, you know, getting, I mean, for me, if it was not for profit, you know what I mean, enough to sustain itself, that's perfect.

If I can make a few bucks on the side, you know, pay for my gas bill, that's fine.

Listen, I don't want to get, I don't want to, and then if I mean money, that would help.

That would be great.

Dude, you know what?

I'm down.

I mean, if you're serious about it, I'll be serious about it.

You know, get with me.

You have my number.

I'll give you whatever numbers you need.

I'll call you.

I don't have a problem talking to you any time.

We'll do what we need to do planning-wise, you know, whatever I can do as far as.

I'm coming back

I'm doing my show

Monday night

And I will

Talk to KDK

And you know

I'll be around

And then I'll talk

Out there

Anybody who can get involved

Earthdog

Lonesome Loser

Anybody out there

Who listens to

I don't know

If you just listen

Weekly to KDK's show

If you record it

For some reason

If you

For your own purposes

You know

We'll figure it out

Send it to me

Send it to Lego

Send it to whoever

Send it you know

Whoever it is

And we'll work something out

And we're gonna

You know

I'm down for it

I think out of all of us, if we all work together, you know, with minimal effort, I think we could produce a product that on a regular basis, maybe weekly or monthly or whatever, we can do something where we can promote the shit out of this.

That's what I would ask of you.

That's the problem. When it comes down to

one person, it's hard. I do

what I can for my show, and I get my

base number of listeners, but

if we could all combine, we could do much more than

that, honestly, with you. To be honest

with you, we can definitely do much more than

that. Right on. I'll give you a buzz

It was Tuesday, and we'll go from there.

You want to do a call real quick, man, before we let you go, or you got to go?

Do a great call.

Yeah, man, I'm going to go.

Oh, he's going to go.

That's fine, Lego, man.

Well, have a good night, man.

Like I said, get with me.

We'll get this shit down.

We'll listen to you on Monday, too, man.

All right.

Have a good night.

Peace out.

Hey, feel good.

Take care of yourself.

Hey, no problem.

I'll take care of it.

I got it under control, my friend.

You got it.

You too, man.

I'll definitely be listening, Lego.

Did I just tell Lego I loved him?

That's kind of gay.

what happened to um clone homegrown he said he had to go man had to go i think i think he yeah

i think he had to crash man is he upset that i had him on me no no i think you just got too

bombed out i guess so man we bullshit with him for like 30 minutes man how long was that call

really cool we had a long conversation man yeah man no but a lot of good important points there

man and it's moving no man it's moving it's moving too slow it's this whole thing is moving too slow

you know everybody's listening can see there's a lot of valid points there yeah and that by pulling

in a few strings here and there as a group our power as a group will force out upon the

unsuspecting world man a new force yeah there's totally the potential for this to be a lot bigger

than it can be and all it takes is a little effort stuff kdk's done look at the stuff we've

done look at all these people's been around here for a long time look at all these guys

come around it's so creative if we could bottle it up and steal the finest points of it and get

people biting on that then they'll figure out what flavors they like then they'll man i want to hear

the rest of that man that carl you is a nut man oh yeah then they'll listen on then then they'll

show like yeah then they'll listen on a weekly basis or whatever it takes you know i mean you

You know, it's going to take one big effort.

It's like bubble gum.

Yeah.

You're going to go through and you're going, oh, man, I like that stripe.

Oh, no, I like the blue ones.

No, I like the green one.

And you're going to eat all them first.

Everybody has a different flavor.

And then once you figure out which one you like, oh, man, I'm going to get all red gum, man.

I'm going to go to the red gum show.

So will it work out?

I said I'm totally down for it.

I don't know if Lego is.

I don't know if other people out there are listening.

Milkman, you record everything.

I record everything.

You record everything, right?

And actually now, yeah, yeah, anything that's live, I record.

I even record Jeep's crap.

Okay, so you know, that's perfect.

You know what?

If you record everything, if you make those available, let's say.

If we had a way for you to make that available.

Yeah, I can make it available.

You make that available to me.

Someone else out there tells me.

If I've got time, I'll even edit out the calls.

Perfect.

Or someone else can just.

And then what I'll do.

All someone else has to do.

Well, you send it's not working.

Is tell me, hey.

Give an account on you, send it for free.

Whatever.

And then I can do them on you, send it to you.

Whatever it takes.

man it'll totally work out you can just pick them up whenever you want that way you see

i don't have to wait until you're on there recluse calling in and recluse calling out the time that

bastard oh okay recluse calling in we need to do a bruno vega we lost clone but well let's get

recluse on the line here do a bruno vega shit recluse you're on the air hey man what's up

recluse how you doing bro jesus christ you're a freak you know that what's up nothing nothing's

What's up? Just wanted to say you're a freak. How you been, bro?

I've been doing good.

Yeah? How's the studio going, man?

Fucking busy as fuck.

Good. You said you're getting into country now, huh?

No, fuck.

Man, you still dealing with the blacks?

Nah, not them either. Get rid of the blakes.

The blakes?

Yep.

The hell's that, a white guy?

The blick.

Oh.

That's what we honkies like to call them.

Oh, okay.

Man, blick.

Okay, okay, so...

I'm gonna do fucking metal, actually. I like metal.

Metal you like, huh?

It's, I mean, bands, any kind of rock bands, but I mean, it's just more, for some weird reason, there's like tons of metal bands around here, so.

Yeah, must be the new thing in Cleveland, Ohio.

What's that?

Must be the new thing in Cleveland, Ohio.

Rock Columbus.

Well, it's where fucking Dimebag got shot.

Oh, yeah.

Right down the street.

Probably deserved it.

I'm sorry.

That's not nice.

Nah, I dig him.

This is a lot of shit.

These are the rappers that fucking deserve it.

They want to talk the game.

Yeah.

Fucking shot.

Have some shit.

Become a hero.

You've been listening to the whole Lego thing that we had going on here, man?

Oh, just now?

Yeah, a little bit of it.

Yeah, what do you think?

Do you think combined, if we take the best out of the four shows and shit,

do you think maybe we can produce a product that would get big out there?

I agree.

I think so.

Yeah, absolutely.

You see?

Best of and chop it down, you know?

Yeah.

That's what I'm saying.

It just has to be some editing and shit done.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

The biggest bitch, I tell you what, the biggest bitch, though, is fucking, like,

Like, they were talking about it on Stern the other day,

is how, like, you have to get fucking permission.

Yeah.

That is the biggest son of a bitch.

I don't know if I could ever do that.

Listen, there's a way around that.

Because I really like to give it to people, you know,

and fucking get them pissed.

I don't feel real weird about calling them back and asking them to stop.

There's a way around it.

Hey, Milkman, Milkman says there's a way around it.

Milkman, what's the way around that, dude?

Now, KDK is pointing this out, and you're talking also to Reclude,

and he knows also, if you also picture the voice,

just like if you alter the pitch of the voice so it doesn't sound naturally like the person

originally when they spoke when they said it just i mean a few pitches i mean you know we're not

talking very much a few cents enough to alter it then it doesn't matter okay milkman got it

is that for real record do you agree with that i don't know that's an interesting thing if you

alter the pitch of the voice said well they could never prove it i mean i'd like to run it through

a lawyer first.

Yeah, probably.

I want to hire...

Well, Legos did you.

He must have some lawyers

in his family.

I'm sure he does.

I'm sure he's got...

He's got a...

If you honored him...

An uncle or a brother

or something.

I wish I knew the answer

to that.

That's a good question.

It is a good question, man.

I wish you'd find out.

I know, like, if you call...

See, the thing is,

it's like...

Like, Richard and Sal

were calling up

that fucking...

That TV show.

Yeah.

Where they couldn't

do anything about that.

Mm-hmm.

So that's one thing.

I'm trying to figure out

Why the hell that

They don't have to get

Those people's permission

Hey Joop has reminded me

In the chat room

Joop in the chat room

That okay it's five shows

They get Joop does a show

Two weekly I'm sorry

I fail to remember that

I'm sorry

He's more the second string show

But yes Joop also would be

Involved in the whole thing

I'm sorry

They do some great pranks

They do do good stuff

Yeah

They did funny shit

Since they were

I mean fucking damn

When they were real young

They were like 11 and shit

And they were doing funny stuff

Yeah

They were doing funny ass shit

They had people

I mean they get people talking

Yeah, and that's a different market right there.

That's a totally different market that a said best of PCU thing could fucking hit, you know?

Yeah, I'll tell you what.

I've seen his MySpace.

He's got some hot-looking broads on there.

He does.

He's got some hot-looking 16-year-olds, man.

Fucking A.

I might have to take me on a road trip.

Wear one of them fetish masks.

We're going to Thailand.

Thailand.

Thailand, baby.

Guess that's what you do after you murder a beauty queen.

You go to Thailand and take a nice, long, 10-year vacation.

That's for sure.

What a punk ass

I was saying earlier

I think that was

Prankmaster who got

Caught for that

I really

When I first heard the story

I thought it was

Prankmaster

Earthdog is saying

That he can help us

With the Zolar portion

Of calls

And we can send

The Lego KDK

And other people's

Calls to me

And stuff like that

That'd be awesome

Does he have

We got a lot of

People

Somebody should check on that

I don't know how the hell

You'd find out

Yeah

Like about that pitch thing

But that's relatively easy

I mean you could do that

In any

Pretty much any kind of

I could do that easily.

I could do that in three clicks of the mouse right here.

Prove that it sounds like the same guy.

Yeah, that's a totally good idea.

I don't know.

If it's legit, then hell yeah.

That's the point.

Somebody needs to find out how the hell the fuck you would.

I mean, I have a cousin that's a lawyer, but she doesn't fucking deal with anything like that.

All right.

I don't ask her.

She's a fuck.

I don't know.

We could prank the chipmunks all, every month, every week.

We could prank the chipmunks.

You could do, I mean, you know what?

Well, I think there might be something to that, because basically, it's like most of them wouldn't even fucking...

I mean, honestly, most people won't know.

Won't recognize, yeah.

They're not going to remember that shit.

Yeah, it had to be a thing where they remember the exact call and for some reason heard the podcast.

They would have had to recall it.

People weren't into pranks.

Yeah.

Most people don't sit around listening to pranks.

Yeah, exactly.

That would totally work, dude.

I really think that would work.

Even if just a few decibels changed.

Whatever you want to call it.

Decibels, whatever it's called.

You probably know better than I do.

Well, it's like a few cents.

You change it.

You transpose it.

Like a couple cents.

Yeah.

Well, not a couple.

It'd have to be more than that.

You'd have to do it like...

The thing is, all you have to do is go in and edit to where it's...

I mean, when you talk at the same time, that's going to be the bitch.

Right, right, right, right.

Yeah.

Because it'll change your voice, too.

You've got a couple notches.

Yeah, but then you can just re-record it.

Actually, alter the whole thing.

That's the whole thing.

Alter the caller.

Yeah.

Milkman says alter the whole thing.

I don't know.

That'd be weird.

Hey, you want to do a prank call real quick, right, Clue?

Oh, no, I don't do those.

You don't do prank calls at all, bullshit?

You don't do prank calls?

No, Bruno Vega.

Bruno Vega's been requested.

Your band is begging for Bruno Vega.

For now.

Oh, yeah?

But that's it, I mean...

Are you coming back ever, you think, man?

I don't know, man.

I'm fucking busier than a motherfucker.

Yeah.

If I ever get a better schedule, I probably will.

Yeah, we'll see.

I'll try.

You never know.

If you guys will have me back, I'll try.

Oh, I'm sure.

Yeah, in a second, I'll have you back, man.

Yeah, no problem with that.

I just have to get a fucking schedule where I can...

We want Bruno Vega.

Yeah, Milkman wants a Bruno Vega call.

You want to call the Cyber Bean Internet Cafe in Hawaii?

Let's get some exotic locales.

What the fuck time is it?

It's like, what, like 6 o'clock?

6 o'clock, yeah.

6 o'clock in Hawaii, yeah.

All right, let's think about a premise.

Nah, fuck it.

Fuck it, we'll just do it.

Cyber Bean Cafe.

Yeah, bean coffee.

There you go.

Tell him he's Bruno Vega.

Okay, my little fucking half-spicked brother.

And he got a little bean sack, you know, and coffee, and, you know, Jose Cuervo.

Yeah, okay.

And then he was looking at brown nipples.

Brown nipples.

There you go.

I like pink nipples myself.

Yeah, but that's what they got over there.

You got a...

Oh, yeah, you're right.

Yeah, they got the brown Asian nipples.

Brown nipples.

Yeah, they got the hair on it, too.

Oh, that's horrible.

Sorry, it's true.

I saw broad widows, and I fucking pulled a shirt right back up.

You're like, fuck it.

Sorry, I can't do this.

It's funny.

Nope, not going to happen.

Sorry, honey.

Okay, we'll call the Cyber Beat Internet Cafe in Hawaii

where a woman in the Lexi answered about a half hour ago.

We'll see what happens.

We'll be right back after this.

Hang on, everybody.

All right.

Hey, listen.

You let people look at whatever they want to down there?

Oh, not whatever you want.

Because I got my son down there.

He said he saw some.

He was looking at this guy.

What guy?

He went down there, my son, he's about 12, and he go down there and he said,

this guy was looking at the brown nipples down there, looking at all sorts of stuff.

I don't want to, what kind of place you run?

Excuse me, sir.

My son should not be looking at brown nipples or stuff like that.

It's kind of junk.

Excuse me, sir.

Listen, you don't give me some kind of brown nose attitude with your spick ass.

All right, listen.

You don't talk to me this way.

Okay, you know what?

You're going to have to call back and talk to the owner at another time.

You can come in and leave your name, but you have no reason to talk to me like this.

Listen, what are you, from the valley? You fucking valley girl?

I'm gonna talk to your owner and make sure you don't have a job.

You're gonna be living under a palm tree. Hello?

That's great.

Call back.

Hang on. Give me a second here. I gotta wait for the bitch to come back.

Hello?

Huh?

Hey, Ju.

What do you want? Hang on, I'm waiting for the fucking bitch to come back so I can do another call.

Disconnect.

There we go.

Oh, Ju, cunt.

I got her. Hang on. I'm going to put her on right now.

Good evening, Dirty Dog. Can I help you?

Listen, you want me to make those volcanoes overflow?

You don't be letting my son go in there.

Okay.

Do you understand this?

I understand.

I'm a powerful man.

Okay.

I know how to make the volcanoes overflow and burn your ass.

Oh, okay.

Your burning nipples.

Whatever.

Yeah.

Wrong number, but that was hilarious.

I called the Dirty Dog Tavern a mistake.

That was great.

Hang on, when she comes back I'll call the cyber bean cafe again

Oh my god

She's probably wondering what the fuck you're talking about

Yeah, I don't know, me too

She's in Cleveland, Ohio

Oh shit

That's funny, hang on

That's funny

Before I get sick all night

She's right there where you live

How can I hide that?

Ah, she zipped the phone off the hook, what a bitch

What a fucking cunt

Fucking cunt

Brown nipples

Brown nipples and all

Brown hairy nipples

She has brown hairy nipples

Fucking Asian nipples

Somewhere in Miami, can we get some numbers from Miami?

I don't know if I have any.

Hang on.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

Whatever you got, we'll work with it.

We got Flintstone Portable Mini Storage in Oregon.

Hang on.

Please enter the number you wish to call.

Thank you for calling Lego Washington Square.

You're hearing this message.

You're assisting other customers or we're not open.

Customers are not the same as Washington Square.

Again.

Can't get in.

He's a jit.

He's a jit motherfucker.

Hang on, let me clear the line.

Okay, the line is clear.

Thank you for calling.

I think I'm going to call it a night.

It's late, man.

What, it's late?

Yeah, it's 1.10 a.m.

I got to work tomorrow.

I got to work two jobs tomorrow.

Fuck it.

Where do you work?

I'm working at Kmart, and I'm working at my regular job also during the day.

What's that?

It's like some kind of accounting job that I got going on.

Okay.

Hey, I got a Miami number here, though, if you want to do it real quick.

7-Eleven.

Let's do it.

7-Eleven in Miami.

Here comes Bruno Vega with a 7-Eleven call to Miami.

Okay.

We're going to take care of it.

Okay, motherfucker.

Okay.

Hang on, folks.

Hello?

Is he 7-Eleven?

Yes.

Okay, I got a problem.

I got a problem with you, pal.

I know it was you.

I got you.

I fooled you.

I got you.

You know my son been going in there, and you been selling him the three mags.

You know, he's 12 years old.

His name is Rico.

Why you been selling little keys to him?

Don't you have any more?

What?

I gonna send you back on a raft.

You gonna...

Hello?

It was great.

Hang on, I'm gonna try to call him back.

Whoop.

What?

Huh?

Huh? North Miami. That's like the rich part of Miami.

Oh, is it? Well, you know the rich people don't work at the 7-Eleven.

No, he's being bussed in from fucking Liberty City for sure.

Liberty City is a fucking ghetto. Hang on, let me try him back again.

What is that?

We'd love to help you.

Hi, did you come in from Liberty City, you cocksucker?

Hello?

I know you sold it to my son. Don't fuck around.

I come down there and I give you one slap.

Might give you two slaps.

Hello?

I'm going to my son.

Enjoy yourself.

Hello?

I need you to do me one more favor.

Talk to this Dunkin' Donuts guy.

Hang on, man.

Hang on.

This guy is our weekly prank victim.

Oh, this phone card is dead.

Shit.

Damn it, man.

I really wanted you to call this guy.

This guy's hilarious.

That's all right.

I don't know if you know this Dunkin' Donuts guy,

but we call him every week,

and he's a Muslim, and he's angry.

All the time?

Oh, I never heard that.

Oh, man, he's fucking funny, but I think I'm out of phone cards.

Nah.

Oh, damn it, man.

All right.

We'll get him next week.

We'll pimp him out next week.

All right.

Reclude, thanks for calling in, bro.

You have two cards, man.

We had an extra one.

All right, man.

Take care.

Take it easy.

All right, bye.

What you said.

You had an extra card, bro.

I got an extra card.

Let me try to call Dunkin' Donuts real quick, and then we'll call it a night.

We'll do our shout-outs after that, huh?

Sounds good?

All right.

That was a great comeback call, man.

That was.

That was great.

Recklood brought it up.

He stepped it up a notch.

I love Reck, man.

Recklood does a great job, everybody.

See if I can get this next prank aired and we'll call it.

Good show tonight, man.

Awesome show, man.

We had a lot of visitors.

No, it's not working, dude.

It's not taking it.

Switch to the other card.

Somebody else sent you a card.

Yeah, don't worry about it.

We'll get it.

It's late.

We'll get to it next week, dude.

It's all good.

good what's the uh what's the ending shout out shit that you always do go let's go ahead and

get that going right now sir i didn't have to give a big thanks out there mad man a wonderful

provider here of our irish boxing ring everybody come in and slap each other down and go back

with their teeth and come back and do it another day big old mad man thank you brother man also

dr lego our very benevolent sponsor here provides us with this wonderful stream that brings our

Our fancy, wonderful voices that tickle your ear balls.

Everybody out there, here's a courtesy of Dr. Legos.

Thank you, Big Dr. Legos.

Very generous man.

Also, KDK, our wonderful, never-ending sponsor.

The man with the foresight and the dream that is PCU.

They gave us our break.

Thank you so much, Big KDK.

Our Cerebro the Prank World, we do owe you, every one of us.

Thank you so much.

You're the greatest.

Also, Carlito.

Yeah.

Carlito, you crazy freak, madhouse, nut, militia leader, our great air general.

Hail, hail, hail to Carlito, man.

We love you, man.

Thank you.

Also, Mr. Misery, we want to thank Mr. Misery for giving us this cool place to come here and team speak, man.

Clone Homegrown for being on.

First of all, all of you are wonderful listeners.

We love you all.

It's all about you.

We do this all for you.

year you realize that we pay money every week to bring enjoyment to you and we are here just to

bring wonderful things to you and we love to hear your feedback and the fact that you do like to

participate and we like to have become more involved with our show as you heard tonight

there's a lot of new things going to be happening all you people would like to get more involved

step right on up and give us a holler because we'll definitely take you on yeah thanks a lot

We'll definitely give you credit.

Thanks a lot, man.

Enjoy that bomb hit, man.

Yeah, Clone Homegrown, thanks for being on.

Over to you.

And Lonesome Loser, everybody who called in.

I'd like to thank everybody who called in.

We got Brandon Vegas, Jonathan, Zolar, Dr. Lego called in, and Reclude called in.

Thank you, everybody who called in tonight.

Is that everybody?

That's everybody.

Jonathan, Brandon Vegas.

That's right.

I'm looking here at the log, and then Zolar and Dr. Lego called in.

So that's good.

Good work, guys.

We did a great show, Milkman.

Thank you, Milkman, very much.

You did an awesome job tonight.

Thank you, Clone Home Drone.

And be sure to visit us here at MadHouseLive.com and check us out next week, next Thursday.

Be sure to listen to Zolar tomorrow here on PCU Radio.

You'll hear him tomorrow at 10 p.m. Eastern.

And we're going to call it a night.

We'll see you next week.

Have a good weekend, everybody.

Take care.

We're going to straight beat your butt, buddy.

I'm going to...

What the fuck is this?

Man, you're gay, man.

Herbert, you don't know who you is, man.

What the fuck is this?

You're a fucking Herbert.

He don't know what I did.

You're a fucking like...

Man, he's scaring me.

I don't know.

He's getting my number.

I got your dirty.

And I almost forgot.

Joop and the Monkey Phone Kids will be doing a show tomorrow at 8 p.m. on PCU.

Joop and the Monkey Phone Kids.

Monkey Phone's Retard Night tomorrow, Friday, 8 p.m. Eastern.

before Zolark.

Man, you can show me a picture.

I'm about to go whoop some motherfuckers ass

because I don't even know who the fuck you're talking about.

How much are you going to charge you guys?

Pick somebody up over here to tax us out.

Man, this ain't no motherfucking...

I'm talking about fucking picking somebody up.

I'm going to whoop your goddamn ass.

I kicked your ass, you son of a bitch,

you and your goddamn mother.

What?

Your mother.

You motherfucking nigger.

How you like that, you piece of...

No, I'm just a nigger, you bitch.

You nigger, motherfucker.

How you like it, man?

What?

Man, I'm a motherfuckin' bitch that pried a goddamn phone.

It's the white man that don't want to hear from no goddamn niggers

calling me in the fuckin' middle of the night.

Listen, listen, boy. Listen, boy. Listen, boy.

I'll show you a boy with a 12-gauge shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen, cracker.

Listen to that three letters.

Listen here, cracker. Listen here, cracker.

You got that, cracker?

I'll show you some fuckin' three-letter, motherfucker.

I'll see you here. I'll see you here.

Are you Michael Frazier?

Man, this ain't Michael Frazier, man. This is a white man.

Look, let me just ask you real quick.

First of all, why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you, you stupid bitch.

Please answer your question.

Staying in Honolulu.

Over here, I cannot drop a chicken on you.

We would give you a couple hundred dollars, though.

Are you ready?

I wish I was the governor.

Just pretend I'm sitting on you, okay?

No problem?

Okay.

I don't want to go.

I gotta go.

Please do wash your hands.

Yeah.

What kind of life do you have where you have to do this?

So this is a very interesting radio you have.

Very interesting radio thing that you have there, you know,

because that shows me that you have, like, nothing going.

No, I got plenty.

This is what we do, man.

I do this all the time.

I get lots of votes.

This is what you do, like, talk stupid.

Yeah, yeah.

Really, huh?

People actually listen to this show.

Everybody listens.

Not everybody, because anybody with a half a brain that I know don't listen.

Anybody with a half a brain would listen to this show instead of eating your shitty-ass pizza.

How old are you?

Thirteen.

Yeah, fucking right.

You sound like you're fucking eighteen or nineteen.

Thirteen, I said.

You have right.

Yes, I was born 13 years ago, last Friday.

I'm hanging up and you better not call.

Do you have stripes in your underwear?

Do I have what?

Stripes in your underwear.

You are a sick fuck.

Come on, let me talk to your sister, man. Be a pal.

No!

Have you ever seen your sister naked?

No!

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (17, 41 min of 2 h 59 min)

Transcript

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