2006-08-24 Show

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Madhouse, baby.

Good evening, everybody.

I trust that I'm audible right now.

I trust that you can hear me.

If not, I apologize.

It is Madhouse Radio.

It's 10.04 p.m. Eastern, Thursday, August the 24th.

And we're here to do a show.

Thank you, everybody, for listening tonight.

Here in studio tonight, we have via satellite link up, first of all,

three-time domino champion of the Caribbean,

none other than the man himself, the Milkman.

Milkman, what's up?

Hey, Carlito, what's happening, man?

It's great to see you last, man.

I'm really excited, man.

I got a feeling we got a great show in the works.

All the stuff you got set up, I know our listeners are going to love it, man.

PCU, you're in for a great show tonight, man.

And get ready to hold on your shorts, because you're going to be crapping them from laughing.

Yes, that's right.

Take it away, Carlito.

Prepare yourselves.

Be prepared.

Prepare yourselves to finish him, as they would say in Mortal Kombat.

Speaking of Mortal Kombat, the one-time Mortal Kombat champion of the state of Texas,

none other than the man who...

What's up, man?

I'm just chilling here in this hot-ass state of Texas, you know.

Trying to keep cool with the band going.

Trying to keep the little show live here.

good well hang in there with us and we'll try to make it through a nice night i'm sure you we all

have ac in our homes right we have ac here it's a nice 75 degrees here and in the studio milkman i

know you have like what you have in the garage where i'm at oh you suck oh you're in the heat

man you got a fan at least going on or something yeah i got i got a fan man i got an air conditioner

back here but i don't run it due to the electrical bill and shit oh man okay well i'm sorry to hear

I'm sorry to hear that, man.

I'm sorry to hear that, I know.

I thought your bill can be a bitch.

Milkman has like four fans and like two of those window AC units in his house, I think, right?

And there's one little room where he's at.

Actually, I'm not even running the portable AC units.

The little units are on the view.

Tonight, I've hired some island girls here with some banana fronds,

and they're sitting here casually cooling me off.

Wow, that's great, Milkman.

Way to go.

That was a great time over there, man.

I wish I was in the Virgin Islands

getting fanned by black women

Athena's looking at me

Athena's here also

Athena say hi real quick

and we're all here

we're all here to do a show tonight

congratulations to us everybody

we're all excited aren't we

we're all excited about the show tonight

the madhouse

milkman

what's going on in the world

that maybe we should be

we should be talking about that you know well i'll tell you what man there's a lot of strange

things going on man i'll tell you what uh this government and what's going on this united states

right now uh in this new kingdom here empire that george bush is running uh actually uh why don't

you roll one of the clips there and let's just see what you got in mind okay so you sent me some

clips of stuff that you wanted me to play here at the beginning but um okay we'll do that i got

got that folder ready they can be interspersed throughout it doesn't have to be right and

as we want to take a you know a chill back you know have a little discussion just points of

interest for our listeners and a lot of people don't realize how we're getting short chains

every day whatever you say man whatever you say um i'm i'll be honest with you i started these

new uh meds today for nerve pain that i'm suffering from and i didn't realize that they would um i

I didn't realize it would react so strongly to beer.

And I've only had a beer and a half, not even a beer and a third right now.

Well, they're fucking nervous.

Yeah, I didn't think they were that strong.

They were only 50 milligrams.

And fuck, I'll be fucked if I'm a little loopy right now.

So I'm going to be in a nice mood.

Now, Milkman, okay, I got your news clips open.

Real quick, man, the talk of the town.

I discussed this with you earlier.

We're going to talk about what happened between KDK and Lego and Zola last night.

I was out of the loop, as I always say.

I know Clone was there, too.

Why don't you just give us a quick rundown of what happened.

Give me three minutes maybe from you, and we'll take a quick commentary from Clone,

and I'll make a statement, and then we'll move on because we're not going to accept any calls

or anything pertaining to last night's drama at all.

If you want to just catch the people up with it real quick, and then we'll continue on with the show.

Go ahead, man.

Yeah, I can catch up to speed.

Well, basically what happened was there were a couple calls being made to Joe Boots along the way between Lego and KDK.

And Boots got with his normal attitude.

And this is the Boots over at the Stern Fan Network and the normal asshole attitude he has.

Just kind of stirred a bad vibe over the whole place.

And there was a disagreement between Dr. Lego and KDK, essentially.

and it started out over like this call and then it kind of went from the call to differences in

show styles and then differences for the direction of the network and then basically it was just

everybody was pissed off for a little while and there was back and forth there was a basically a

challenge issued to do a call off and the call off was uh so who could see who could do the

funniest call between lego and kdk and as usual there was no good numbers nobody yeah so really

there was a prank off are you serious it was a prank i heard you sent me the files yeah um i

didn't get them early enough i put them on my ipod and i listened to i'd say the whole thing

for kdk well i listened to about an hour and a half of um i listened to about an hour and a half

of uh of kdk's or what you sent me of kdk's thing yeah but i didn't get to hear it all so they

They actually got to the point where they pranked off.

I don't get it.

That's kind of juvenile.

Yeah, well, okay, it was basically I'm funny, no, you're funny.

And really what it comes down to is they're both funny, but they're different styles, okay?

I've got a small theory.

It's like Neapolitan ice cream.

Neapolitan ice cream is the chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry ice cream, you know, the three-flavor ice cream, okay?

Yeah, yeah.

Each one is its own flavor, you know?

It's all ice cream, you know?

You know, if you're really high, you might want chocolate.

You know, if you're feeling like you want something sweet, you might take on some strawberry.

But no matter what, you want a different flavor.

But which one is really better?

Yo, Cologne, which one is better out of those three, man?

Neapolitan.

Hang on.

Strawberry.

Strawberry, right?

That's what I'm saying.

Strawberry.

I ate the strawberry first.

Then I ate the chocolate.

Then I ate the vanilla for last.

I ate my strawberry for last.

Yeah.

Oh, now, see, I got to eat my strawberry first.

I got to pop my cherry from the beginning.

I don't wait.

I have issues with anxiety.

It's a difference in opinion.

That's right.

It's not anyone's any better.

It's just at one moment you may favor one and favor another.

So basically there's a difference in the style.

All right, so we can say KDK is strawberry, and we'll say Zolar is chocolate,

and we'll say Lego is white.

It is vanilla, right?

Is that about right?

Can we say that?

And apparently...

I don't know if Lego is really white.

Yeah, and then who's Tutti Frutti?

I don't know.

So apparently they just...

Lego is Tutti Frutti.

Andy's Tutti Frutti

Yeah, Andy's Tutti Frutti

He's not even around anymore

They eliminated him

He can't even find Tutti Frutti anymore

And we're like, you know

We're your, I don't know, whatever

What's a good mellow

We're your Rocky Road

And we're your cookie dough

I'm your Rocky Road

And Clone Homegrown is the cookie dough

And Milkman, I don't know what

Milkman's the orange sherbet over there

I'm rum and raisin

Rum and raisin, okay

There you go, an old man

The old man's got to get the old man flavor

The rum and raisin

Okay, fair enough

Fair enough dude

So it's all about ice cream

And you know what

We need to make ice cream soup

That's when you take those three flavors

And you put them in the microwave for about 20 seconds

And you mix it all with the spoon

And you eat it like a soup

And that's what PC needs to be

Alright Clone what's your thought on all this

My thought is

It made for good radio

And I thought it was hilarious

To tell you the truth

Okay well that

It was much better than the last fight

Sum it up

It was really brutal

You're breaking up

You're breaking up my friend

You're breaking up but I understand

You're saying it was pretty brutal and all that

Okay well you stabilized yourself

You might have something running

Yeah I think you got something there

Running in the process

You got a process running in the background there or something

Try to check on that

and uh excuse me we'll move on here okay so basically it all worked out everybody's back

together there's nothing to worry about it was just another episode of another turn and twist

of excitement here on pc all right favorite drama show my personal favorite psycho battle

Psycho Bible

We're back to party time

Madhouse

PCU forever everybody

I'm so excited to be on PCU

Everybody's excited

to be on PCU

You're excited? The clone's excited right?

He's soiling himself he says

in his garage

without AC wearing a white beard

He just ripped one too

Will you hear something?

Are there jigaboos outside?

There's jigaboos outside my door everybody

Hold on what do I do

Let me go hunting some slaves man

Need some slaves

Oh he'll give me a dip of water

I'm sorry that's wrong

We have plenty of black listeners

Lil Evil Neo is black and Milkman is half black

Fried chicken flavored ice cream man

Lil Evil Neo

Right fried chicken and watermelon Sherbert

That's what I want right there

Yeah baby

Sherbert has eggs.

I didn't know Sherbert has eggs.

I thought he just had milk.

I thought Sherbert...

What's the difference?

You know, you got your gelato.

That's something, right?

I don't know.

You got your ice milk.

You got your regular ice cream.

You got your Sherbert.

What else you got?

You got...

What's the fruity one?

Sorbet.

That's the fruity one, right?

Sorbet.

They all have their differences, eh?

Right.

Yeah.

Because ice cream is just ice cream.

Oh, yeah, eh?

Eh?

Yeah.

This is a Canadian shout-out to our Canadian listeners, Sean Ward and the rest of the

rest of his ilk those damn those hosers those socialists over there good for them um milkman

is totally gonna try to fuck one of the girls milkman you're being accused of uh of fucking a

girl by cuban cigar no way yeah man watch out you know you have man oh shoot do that girls are all

Follow me tonight.

I don't know what's going on.

Let's close some processes here real quick.

I thought I farted.

Yeah, I think that's what it was, Milkman.

I think you really farted.

Okay, if you guys want to reach us here, the toll-free line will be open later tonight,

so stay tuned for those instructions.

Again, that's the toll-free line.

It's going to be open later tonight.

We'll get that number out later in the night.

If you happen to have it, please don't call it now.

We won't be able to answer your call until around 11 o'clock.

We're going to open the phone lines.

And, again, you can reach us here.

Yeah, again, this is Madhouse Radio.

You can reach me, Carlito, here.

If you want to send your prank request or comment,

you can reach me on AOL Instant Messenger at Madhouse Radio.

Again, that's Madhouse Radio.

If you're on Yahoo Messenger, Madhouse PCU Radio,

that's Madhouse PCU Radio.

And MSN Messenger, Madhouse PCU Radio at Hotmail.com.

And be sure to visit our homepage, MadhouseLive.com.

Again, that's madhouselive.com where you can see what's going on on this show.

You can check out our affiliates.

We're being broadcast on three different streams tonight, gentlemen.

We're being broadcast on four.

I'm sorry, make that four.

We're being broadcast on T-Big Radio.

We're being broadcast on Star Country.

That's right.

We're on a country station.

And that's Milkman's uncle right there.

He owns Star Country, I think it's called, something like that.

Well, what's up to the country, people?

Yeah.

Yeah, whatever you say, Milkman.

Yeah.

So, according to my information here, we're being listened to by 91 listeners right now.

I'm sorry, make that 90 listeners.

I'm sorry.

Well, if you count Athena, we're up to 91, 92.

So, thank you to all 92 of you listening.

listening uh and this is madhouse radio where we don't uh inflate our numbers and we don't say we

have 300 400 listeners when we have about 30 or 40 lego but um i don't know if you caught that

excuse me i had i had a hair in the back of my throat Athena you really need to do something

about that uh that was a joke that was a joke damn you um madhouselive.com is the home page

be sure to go in there check out what's going on with us and uh also check out what's uh going on

in the chat room you can link there uh hit listen join you can also go to katie.com to home to the

flagship station of this network and madhouse radio let me just say this and what obsessed me

i had to get this off my chest let's turn off the music real quick and let's turn on the breaking

news alarm here so i can uh let you all know this real quick this is an official statement from me

carlito and i make the decisions on this show i make the fucking decisions like tommy lasorda

would say um we're not going to go anywhere except for wherever kdk goes are we agree with

that gentlemen can we agree to that milkman we love kdk yeah there's nobody there's nobody finer

man kdk is the man all right we'll always love kdk and he's always stood by us and nothing against

lego or zolar i love all of them and i still will listen to him but you know i love kdk all right

and if they want to carry us on whatever they want to do

then they can carry us by all means

we love Zola on Lego too

but we'd have to side with KDK because KDK

is the person that gave us our shot on here

and we would have to stay

he's man

and I'm not going to talk about it anymore for the rest of the night

and here's one more thing

I don't appreciate every time

I don't appreciate any time anything like this happens

that KDK accuses me of

not wanting to side with him or being against him

or something like that

he needs to stop doing that

he needs to have more faith in me

and that's it that's we've talked about it is out there it is a done deal and with that i will fart

it out we'll put in the toilet let's move on and we'll flush it and that's it hey you got a clip

you want to play let's roll out with a call you want to roll out with a call and then we'll do

your clip okay uh in the chat room lonesome loser is uh lonesome loser sending us stuff here we have

18 travel services we have a place called cypher dorks in honolulu we got jolts and juice in

In Ontario, Oregon.

Oregon, I hate the name of that state.

I would never live in a state like that.

I got a huge Oregon.

Clone's taking a hit back there.

We almost missed it.

We almost missed that one.

Where's the sound effect?

I forgot.

Smoke weed every day.

There you go, Lonesome.

Just for you.

Not Lonesome.

There you go.

Fuck it.

Well, that was a bong riff from Lonesome Loser by Clone.

Clone at home.

Yeah, I'm messed up, man.

I gotta stop.

I can't drink anymore.

I'm sitting here like, okay.

Lonesome Losers, they'll send in other numbers.

Boner's Biscuits.

Hey, how about that, guys?

Boner's Biscuits.

Boner's Biscuits, everybody.

That sounds great.

That sounds good.

Well, here's something.

Now, we're going to play a song here for the first call.

This is from the guy who hooks up our satellite link, Mr. Misery, Misery Machine.

He's, you know, frequently helped us out here with support as far as logistics for me on broadcasting,

casting and he provides us the ability for you and you know you milkman and you clone to be talking

with me here so thanks to him yes yes thank you misery mystery at burning oath.net and they have

some new song and he asked me i haven't even heard it yet so if it's i'm not gonna say it's gonna

suck but i don't know the quality of this but i have faith so let's see how this sounds and we'll

do the first call after this this is uh let's see what it's called here it's burning off burning

The government will have you hit.

You'll never get away.

Not if I kill you all.

No one will ever find out or care about this incident.

By the time anyone notices anything, I'll be far from here.

Yeah, that's really, really relaxing.

I wasn't expecting that.

That was very loud.

But it was good.

That was a serious octane.

Yeah.

I'm excited.

I'm awake.

I'm sober.

Hello?

Hi, Boner's Biscuits?

No.

Do I have the wrong number, or do you sell biscuits there?

I understand you're the lady who makes the biscuits for the dogs.

Yeah, but going out of business about three years ago.

Do you guys use peanut butter in that?

Because I had some left over, and I just fed it to my puppy.

And he's allergic to peanuts.

He's got peanut phobia.

And he doesn't look too good.

Did you use, like, peanuts or peanut butter in any of these recipes?

No.

Because he's not reacting very well.

He's thrown up twice.

Who is this?

My name, Raul Vega.

Sega? They were given to me as a gift from a friend, I would say.

When the heck did you get them? Because they've been, I mean, they've been out of business for over five years.

Well, yeah, no, I got them for Christmas about, I'd say, about six years ago.

I think it was around 99, 2000, around Y2K.

I got them as a gift, and I decided to go ahead and open them up and gave them to him.

And he's not doing too good right now. He's thrown up twice, and he's just laying down in his filth right now.

Well, I don't know how to tell you to get in touch with the owners, but they don't exist anymore.

What do I do? What should I do?

There's no peanut butter in there that I remember.

Is there any gluten in it? Any wheat?

No.

You're sure? You wouldn't lie to me?

Well, the ingredients are on the back of the bag, but I can't believe you'd give your dog biscuits that...

Well, we took them out. We took them out.

We took them out. We put them in a Ziploc bag, and we put it in the garage.

next to the weed whacker and the gasoline can and all that stuff.

Okay, well, I don't know what to tell you.

Well, I mean, you're going to hold you personally accountable for this, ma'am.

I'm not the owner.

Well, you're answering the phone.

You know, you seem to know a lot about these biscuits for being someone who's not the owner.

Yeah, because it was my friend that had the company.

Oh, your friend.

Mm-hmm.

And I guess it's my friend whose dog is sick now and is going to die.

Okay, well, you know.

You're sick, lady.

You're very sick.

Why don't you just own up to it like a good Christian?

That's what you get for eating

Moldy biscuits

Fucking I stored them where

I stored them where next to the gas can

And the weed whacker in the garage for 5-6 years

Well yeah no shit they're bad

I got skid marks in my panties

That was funny

Have a little applause for that

Saigon in the chat room says he ate a dog biscuit

Before I don't see why he would not have

I'm surprised he hasn't eaten dog before, actually.

He hasn't eaten pussy before.

Hey, Carly, do they still make Gainesburgers?

Gainesburgers?

The hell's a Gainesburger?

Yeah, man.

They used to make, they were, they were like imitation, like, looked like a hamburger thing.

You could feed your dogs and they came a little baggy and they looked like a little hamburger.

And I remember daring this kid years ago to eat a Gainesburger and he ate it, man.

Oh, that's nasty.

He barfed up all over the garage afterward.

What'd you give him?

That's what he did.

Did you give him a handjob for it, at least?

Oh, hell no, man.

That's too much, man.

No way.

I'd never give a guy a handjob just for that, man.

He'd have to throw up on me.

Only reach around.

Nice.

Good for you.

It's not nice if you don't give a reach around.

No, it's not.

That's very, very poor and uncouth.

Brandon Ramirez is asking me for a good Torrent site.

You guys know?

Clone, do you know a good Torrent site?

I don't know.

Mininova.

mini nova.org.org mini nova.org there you go brayden uh ramirez brad and ramirez however

you say it that is your um your information there this is the madhouse where you received

all the information as a break there it is okay um this guy's skull and bones on aol he says he

has five people listening to the show well hello to you five people in the house listening to the

the show good for you everybody good for you and you know who else is listening to us is uh madman

he's in a hotel listening to with to the show with some bitches or something he's drinking

yeah he's at the uh the family values tour by corn or something i think corn's organized it's

like an annual tour or something so baron pedro yeah baron pedro says that demon demonoid.com

is a good torrent site, so there you go.

And he says that he hopes I do

decent prank calls tonight. The last two shows

weren't that good. Do a shout

out for me. One for

SZLampy. I think he's listening.

SZLampy. SZLampy.

SZLampy. I don't know what that is.

So shout out to both of you.

Thank you for listening.

And hola akbar.

God is great. What does that mean?

God is the greatest?

On that note, let's do another

call. How about that, gentlemen? Oh no, we gotta

We've got to play one of Milkman's things.

We've got to play one of Milkman's shits real quick.

Okay.

You're making me hungry here.

Yeah, I know.

All right, Milkman, what do you want to talk about?

Do you have one you want to request?

Or do you just want to play the first one?

All right, this one is called Marine Recalls.

This better not be long.

Is it long?

It's 29 seconds.

It's about a minute.

Most of them are okay.

Not that long.

All right, well, we'll play it.

But they make a point.

You play it.

We'll play it.

It's pretty self-explanatory.

All right, go ahead and play it, and then you make a comment, and we'll do the next call.

I was told that he was an Iraq veteran, a Marine, and that he had just been called back to active duty.

And I saw an article today that said that there are 2,500 Marines being called back to active duty after they got their lives back together.

And I thought he was one of them, and I wanted to talk to him and find out how much notice he got

and what his job was to figure out who they're calling back.

Are they calling military police? Are they calling engineers to build embassies?

I mean, I was trying to figure it out.

okay so what's that supposed to mean well do you realize that you know you used to be in the army

in iraq that you could be called back because you're under the age of 44 they're now calling

back up to the age of 44 okay so wow so mandatory service up to the age of 44 if you used to be in

the military is that how it is can you say quagmire yeah quagmire exactly thank you very

clone homegrown makes a very good point quagmire vietnam pointless war that's not going anywhere

that we've practically lost and are not going to be able to win and we'll probably just stay there

and keep losing men you know like water running through a sieve you're gonna hear you're gonna

hear the reason why was it there really that's why i wanted to play some of these other clips too

okay stay tuned to find out the rest of the mystery we'll play another clip a little later

Why are we there?

We'll get to that.

Clone Homegrown is going to take a hit.

I have to.

He has to, he says.

My blood level was low.

Smoke weed every day.

His THC count was low.

Not his T cell count.

His THCL count.

It went below 5 billion parts per million.

And LittleEvilNeo agrees with Mininova.org being a good torrent site.

She also adds TorrentSpy.com.

And anime, a good anime torrent site is animeyume.org.

I'm not about to spell that.

That's going to take too long.

So we'll take your word for that.

Anime.

If you're into anime, go to animeyume.

Little Evenil's really into the anime.

Hey, Fina, could you get me a Code Vault, please?

Thank you.

Fina, get me an energy drink because I'm dragging because I'm kind of out of it.

BMR.

I watched a pretty good anime show.

It was Blood, The Last Vampire.

Dude, I got that.

That's crazy, man.

That's crazy with that old white lady gets all chased at the end of it and stuff.

Yeah, I remember that.

What the Last Vampire.

That's a good...

I like it.

Samurai Champloo.

All I've seen is that.

It's got that on PSP.

No.

Oh, okay.

That's some kind of game.

Whatchamacallit.

Ninja Scroll.

It's an anime show, but they actually released the movies on PSP.

Oh, okay.

And you watched them?

Okay, cool.

Cool.

Yeah, it's cool.

Ninja Scroll is a good fucking anime movie

That's like one of the most well known ones I think

I've seen that when I was in high school

Like 95 I saw Ninja Scroll that's good

Hey guys I lost my job

Did I tell you yet did you know I lost my job

Yeah we heard I heard it anyway

Sorry to hear that man

It's alright man you know just find another job

Move on thank you Athena

Spending time with my girlfriend and doing things

Ah yeah baby

Ice cold Newcastle's brown ale

Ah

so guys we're gonna do a few 420 afternoon shows like we did last time clone you're in right you

said you're not doing yeah baby i'm in milkman you into you got some free time during the day

you know it man let's do it jackson good let's do it we're gonna so uh next week we'll probably

let's say you know when and i will make sure that everybody starts finding out when to tune in and

you know where to tune in because you're there already if you're hearing this oh let's figure

it out when you want do you want to do a tuesday wednesday afternoon let's say around

And I'm good. Let's do it.

Let's do Tuesday and Wednesday.

Quillen, are you good for Tuesday afternoon, you say?

Tuesday afternoon, 2 p.m. Eastern?

Yeah, that'll work.

2 p.m. Eastern, too early for you?

That's 1 p.m. your time.

I don't know if that's too early for you or not.

Yeah, that's fine.

All right, good.

Yeah, man, people answer the phone.

Yeah, we'll do a 2 p.m. show.

We'll do a 2 p.m. show.

We'll prank some people during the day.

We'll prank some businesses.

We're going to get numbers somehow.

Yes, go ahead.

you're gonna you're going to put on a 420 show next tuesday on this here channel at 2 p.m

at 2 p.m eastern you'll be able to hear the legendary madhouse 420 afternoon shows they

started at 2 and about call in prank show yeah baby yeah they start around 2 p.m eastern they

we take a break around 4 20 p.m for about 15 minutes and then we do like another hour and

then we call it a we call it a day and it's kind of a fun way to spend an afternoon so if you're

listening at work or something you know someone if you're going to be home if you don't do nothing

during the day be sure to tune in if not we'll put on the podcast but you know we got a lot when

we did those shows we got a lot of um we got a lot of good pranks out of that out of those few

shows that we did um during the spring great man those are great shows yeah because it's daylight

how do i get in the chat room guys you should be in the chat room what are you talking about

You're in chat room?

You're in both chat rooms.

Ding dong.

Take another hit, man.

Take another hit.

Yeah, you're dead.

THC level's low again.

Come on, man.

Work on that.

94 listeners.

We're up to 94 listeners tonight.

Amazing, everybody.

Yeah, bye-bye.

You tell me who all week has had 94 listeners, 94 legit listeners on PCU.

Who has it?

Me?

I'll be darned.

Madhouse Radio.

Nobody.

That's who.

On the Madhouse Radio Network

Visit MadhouseLive.com

I got a message from Nuno here

Sir Nuno of Egypt

he said for the 2pm show

you can call Tim Searcy all day

yeah at work right

he's called him a few times during the day I'm sure

he loves messing with Tim Searcy

Tim Searcy

he gave us a number for John W. Sattler

who is his pastor

at the Holy Cross Lutheran Church

Jesus Christ, these people stalked this guy.

Oh, my God.

They got this vendetta against Tim Searcy, man.

What the hell did he do to them?

Tim Searcy.

We want Jack Mulaney, too.

Give us some Jack Mulaney, too.

Jack Mulaney, he's like a Hollywood guy, too.

That's some shit.

Hey, man, you hear about the new season of Survivor?

I heard today that it's going to be segregated four tribes on Survivor.

The black team, the Asian team, the white team, and the Hispanic team playing against each other.

Ain't that something?

I mean, I'm looking forward to it.

Clone's over there.

He's loving it.

No comment.

Milkman, who'd you play for, the whites?

Who would you play for, the Asian team or the white team?

I think if they would have fucking not flipped it on everybody and they would have just dumped it at the beginning of the show, it would have been all right.

But now they're trying to fucking build it up in the media.

I suppose it's going to be rigged for the white guys anyway.

Yeah, you're right, Milkman.

And Clone's right, too.

they did try to build it up

and they're trying to build it up

with the media

instead of dropping it on everybody

they want people to be tuned in

the first week

I don't know

I mean I'll watch it I guess

I haven't seen Survivor

I used to be a fan of it

I haven't watched it like in

three maybe four years

I think at this point

really regularly

so maybe

I thought that was a group

or something

no yeah that was a group

you're right Milkman

that's the only Survivor

that Milkman recognizes

as a group

at the eye of the tiger

yes the eye of the tiger

Rupert

I don't know who Rupert is

Rupert was the shit

who's got Rupert

oh Rupert

was that the old guy

that was the big burly

yeah man

he's the guy that did all the fishing

I got Puerto Ricanos hair man

who's the old World War 2

vet that was on

what was his name

I'm drawing a blank

That's who it was

He's in jail

He just went to jail like two weeks ago for tax evasion

He didn't pay his taxes on his

I bet he loves it

Always naked

Always running around naked

Anyway, let's move on

We're boring everybody

We're still at 94 listeners though

94 listeners

Boring

Let's dial a number there, big bro

Let's do it

It's called Bumpy's Where PC Gaming Starts.

All right.

Bumpy Where PC Gaming Starts.

Hey, here we go.

All you game nerds out there, all you former techno fag freaks, get ready to listen in.

We're going to mess up with some of your brothers here.

Yeah, some of your brethren.

If you happen to be in Baytown, Texas, then why don't you head over to Bumpy's Where PC Gaming Starts.

And hang on, everybody.

We'll be right back.

If you hear that, clone will be right there.

All right, hang on, everybody.

We'll be right back with that prank in a second.

Let's go, good buddy.

Hello, Bumpies.

Can you hear me?

You guys sound beautiful over there.

Hey, what games you got going on tonight?

Battlefield 2.

Battlefield 2?

How you play that, yo?

Time to discuss that.

Well, you a little stuck-up little kid, aren't you?

Aw, bastard.

I'm going to call him right back.

Don't talk to me like that.

You believe that, Milkman?

You see the way that kid talked to me?

Fucking dork.

Little fag puppy

Yeah

Little game boy

He probably

Batiman

He probably had a joystick

He was riding on

It'd be great to get him

To talk to the

I got a joystick

I'll make his damn

Broomstick a

Slash

Hey buddy

We seem to have

Gotten disconnected

I hope that's what it is

Hello sir

Alright he's just gonna be

An asshole

Keep hanging up

You know

There's gotta be a way

To get

There's gotta be a way

To get people to talk

He tried the joystick

Try something

Motherfucker

Let me wait for the line

To clear back again

Yeah

Scratch the game nerds

Let's go on to something

Let's do that

Adult

Hang on

Let me disconnect here real quick

So I don't sound like shit

Okay

Excuse me

Let's try to call real quick

Let's try to

We haven't talked to him in a while

The Dunkin Donuts guy

We haven't talked to him

In I want to say

Three weeks

That guy right there

This guy right here

Fuck you bitch

Motherfucker

Our good friend

The Dunkin Donuts guy

We haven't talked to him

In yeah

Three weeks I'd say

So let's try that

Hang on everybody

We're going to try to call him

Give me a second

Next prank's coming up

It's taking so long

Hey how

Until what time is open?

I'm sorry?

Until what time is open?

What time we open?

Yeah until what time is open?

Until the lobby

12 o'clock

Until the lobby?

Huh?

When is the lobby?

We're going to close the lobby

12 o'clock

How much it cost to get in the lobby?

I'm sorry?

How much it cost to get into the lobby?

How much what?

Does the bus go there?

Yes

I worked at Dunkin' Donuts already in Pennsylvania.

Maybe you have position?

I have what?

What positions do you have?

I'm sorry, I can't understand you.

What did you say?

What positions do you have?

Do you do the profits back door?

Oh, you mean the finisher?

Yeah.

We have already.

You do it in the back door?

Yes.

You take it in the back door?

I'm sorry?

Do you take it in the back door?

Do you do the profits back door?

Do you do that?

The backyard of the profits, you know?

Do you do that?

No.

You don't do it there?

No, I don't know.

Do you like vanilla? Do you have vanilla?

I don't know nothing about it.

How do you prefer, vanilla or the back door?

Excuse me?

How do you prefer, the vanilla or the back door?

Listen.

It's easy. Answer, please, Mama.

I'm not going to answer because I don't know nothing about the back door.

You don't know nothing about the back door?

I'm not a finisher. I'm not a bakery. I'm only a worker here.

There's nothing to be ashamed of. We all have the back door.

It's all dirty, but we clean it. That's okay.

Don't be ashamed.

Speaking of the fun, I'm busy, all right?

Look, baby, I've met...

He's going to tell her I'll play with her back door if you want.

Shame.

He doesn't answer the phone anymore.

Maybe he doesn't want to.

Maybe he doesn't work there.

Maybe they told him he's not allowed because the last time he started cursing me out

and he had a bunch of customers.

Do you remember him telling me that I was lucky that he had customers

because he was going to curse me out, and then he ended up cursing me out.

And I think maybe ever since then...

He did his shit on his little blanket there.

Yeah, he shit on his blanket when he was facing...

Where did they face, Athena? West or east?

No, they face Mecca, whichever direction it is.

East, right?

Dina, you can't talk?

Are you okay?

In this case.

What's the matter with you?

Yeah, East.

Yeah, that's weird.

Dina's acting weird, everybody.

Man, she's barely eating her pills, man.

You better get one of them energy drinks.

She needs one, too.

Energy drinks.

They like getting old cum drops.

I'm starting to starve.

Yeah?

What are you snacking on, man?

You're snacking?

I don't know.

Oh, you're asking me what I have?

I don't have any snacks, man.

I gotta get something.

I ate a steak.

Yeah, we got one of them Texas Peaks from down in Houston here, and he's sucking on a big

wang right now.

Hey, Madman's sending me the number for the hotel he's staying at.

Maybe he'll get us a number for whoever's next door to him or something.

Let's get the numbers.

He's at the Radisson, he says.

All right, let's see what comes up.

Oh, man, we'll get his number.

Somebody needs a big, black, badass hoe.

All right, we'll call Madman.

I want them Texas Firedash bitches.

here. We'll do something. We'll call Madman

a complainer or whatever.

What is Madman's real name? I forget it.

I know he's got a real name.

Mad. Mad?

Madman?

Joe Madman. Is it Mark?

I don't think it's Mark, is it?

Mark.

Mark Madman?

Roger too? Okay.

Right. Roger Franklin.

Mark Roger.

No, Ted Phillips.

What's wrong with BMR?

He's saying that you're 40 and you're a failure.

What's his problem?

What's BMR's problem?

I've got that dumb Houston honky down there.

He's been counseling on a big salami.

I don't know, man.

That's what I was telling you, man.

I'm going to shit in this 55-gallon shithead.

I see that.

Clone.

You know, Clone is our representative in Texas.

He'll go out there and he'll punch you in the cock.

I'm probably the only damn cool guy in Texas.

Yeah, exactly.

So, you know, don't make us.

Texas is not our representative.

It's not Clone Paul that he's in Texas.

Clone Holger represents Alaska.

Anchorage, bitch.

That's what he represents.

Yeah, so he's not above going over there and punching you in the cock, BMR, so watch it.

Representing Polk, Alaska.

Yeah, man.

Word up.

Did you ever have those whole month where it wasn't dark?

Where it would be sunlight all day?

Yeah.

That would suck.

Yeah.

What'd you do?

You had to have those blackout curtains and shit?

Foil up.

Oh, that sucks.

That looks tacky.

I've seen houses with foil on the windows.

That's weird.

You ever see that?

People,

I don't give a shit.

That looks weird.

People like,

I've driven around

and I've seen like a house

and it's got tinfoil up in the windows

because for some reason

they're afraid of the sunlight

or something.

It's really weird.

It's really weird looking.

It's tacky.

Why would you do that?

No, man.

Them right there,

them guys are aliens.

I guess so.

They're blocking the shits.

Blocking the shits.

Brandon Ramirez says

he's not happy for,

okay,

because you're hating on gamers.

I see.

Okay,

that's what the,

that's what the beef is,

is but okay skull and bone says he doesn't like the idea of us sticking with kdk well there you go

and uh someone told us to call someone back and say he's shit at battlefield 2 uh baron okay yeah

they want us to call back that uh motherfucker uh get the game punks man let's move on to something

out there there's no there's no energy there we've two strikes we're done yeah most definitely

most definitely so we got another one of your um we got another one of your fucking uh clips you

you want to play anytime man yeah okay well let me see what we got here let me see fema trailers

this one is fema trailers okay and this one is 45 seconds long so we'll play it and milkman will

give us an analysis afterwards hang on under this administration and that they go the extra mile

they bar the journalists they bar reporters from talking to people in fema trailers they order

This government orders people back into their 240 square foot trailer filled with formaldehyde and order the reporters to stop talking to people.

This is America.

No reporter will talk to anybody in a FEMA trailer.

If you don't want to lose your home, you go back in your FEMA trailer.

I mean, it's incredible that America actually has gotten there.

They literally have gotten there where they threaten people, old people, disabled people, people who need health care, people who have lost everything.

that get back in your trailer do not talk to the press in a free country okay milkman explain that

real quick all right so you real yeah do you realize that for the last year since this crisis

happened with katrina that reporters and anybody wanting to seek any information and the survivors

of the katrina hurricanes have been have been run off and been blocked by fema and have actually

threatened the residents of their uh fema uh residents to lose their homes if they talked

with any reporters it's finally getting out and now the the truth is coming out is that the fema

homes the old trailers have formaldehyde from all the deterioration rot and mold and it formaldehyde

is now causing cancer in the people that are living in them and people aren't even allowed

to come out and talk about it they're just supposed to expect to go back in there and die

Die and shut up.

That's some sick.

Thank you, George Bush.

I don't know.

FEMA trailers are not good news.

You know what the thing is?

You know, things like that.

Isn't it like the lowest bidder is who wins?

Am I correct?

Yeah.

You know, I mean, they're probably getting the...

No, it's not.

It's not even the lowest bidder, man.

All the bids are sealed, man.

They give the contracts to whoever.

They're non-bidded conks.

That's why they've got KBR and all them same jokers they got in Iraq down there.

running this reformation

and spending another, how many million dollars

were raised, how come none of these people

have homes yet, where'd all the money go

I don't know, it's, I don't know what's going on

you know there's a

there's a fucking, what is it, there's a documentary by

what's the one, I see Snipes

by who's the asshole black guy director

who did the one about Malcolm X

Spike Lee, that asshole, yeah he's a jerk

but he's got

he's got this documentary called When the Levees Broke

I think it comes out this week or it came out last week

it's coming out any day now

And he's not prevalent in the whole thing, man.

He's actually a real movie.

Yeah, I guess he had...

I think he had camera crews while the hurricane came in,

and they actually caught the chaos and the aftermath.

I think that's what it is.

If I'm wrong, I'm sorry.

But check it out.

I'll check it out.

I don't know if anybody has a link to a trailer or something.

Share it.

I haven't seen it really yet.

I'll check it out, man, because I like Spike Lee, man.

Hey, Clone, another thing.

I know how to put down some smack.

Clone, this might interest you.

I don't know if you know, but there's a documentary out

by Tommy Chong about him getting

arrested. Saw a trailer for it.

Yeah, it looks really interesting. It's all about

the Bush administration

and their anti-pot laws

and stuff like that and how it's like

a witch hunt and how he got

post child and all that. You know, the shitty deal

he got. That's out there. I forgot the name

of it. I think it's the

state of... It's called Tommy...

A.K.A. Tommy Chong. That's what it is. A.K.A.

Tommy Chong. Look it up.

Look it up, everybody. Shall we do another call?

Let's do a call.

All right, let's do another call.

We've got Gallagher's Where You Brew.

Okay.

What can we do?

We want to call that hotel real quick.

I'm sorry.

We want to call that hotel for Madman.

Then we'll do Gallagher's Where You Brew.

Hell yeah, let's call Madman.

What can we do?

He says he's outside of the hotel on his laptop listening with his sister and some other girl,

and he's pretty messed up right now.

Tell him to give us some of the people's room numbers.

Okay.

Like they've got parties or whatever going on.

Room number 714, man.

We've got a big party there.

Do you think there's a room 714?

I mean, seriously.

I don't know.

Do they have any room suggestions?

I don't know.

Well, here's the thing.

I'm sure there have to be three-digit rooms.

If he can track down someone, you know, if he can track down someone and what room they're in, then we can prank them.

Let's see.

You want to room them?

Yeah.

Let's see.

Now, he's not giving me suggestions.

There's got to be something I can do.

But we'll prank them.

We'll prank the hotel.

We'll do that for you.

We'll do that for you, everybody.

Saigon says that Spike Lee movies on HBO.

Okay, I get it.

It's an HBO documentary.

So I should be able to watch that

I have to catch that

I have to look for that

And send it to record

Damn it man

Okay

Another song

We'll be right back after this

With the prank call

To the hotel

Hey ma'am

I just checked in

I have a few questions

Okay

What do I have

What can I get

That's coming to me

I'm sorry

What can I get

That's coming to me

I don't understand what you mean

You know like free soft

Free soap

Free shampoo

What do you guys offer

We don't offer any of that

Oh, I didn't really like packed shampoo and soap.

You don't have any inside the room?

No.

You don't.

Well, you guys are supposed to.

You're a hotel.

So if you can just go ahead and send somebody over to, you know, room 213.

I need soap, shampoo, ice, pillows, playing cards, a George Foreman grill, and a bathrobe.

Two bathrobes.

Two bathrobes, please.

And towels.

Lots of towels.

And do you have those chocolates you put on the pillows also?

I could use a couple of those.

Sir, are you a guest for a hotel?

Yeah.

What is your name?

My name? Raul Martinez.

Well, that's not your room number.

Excuse me, ma'am. I'm Raul Martinez. I am Raul Martinez.

This is something racist because my name is Raul Martinez.

All of a sudden, I'm not in room 213. I'm not allowed on the second floor.

Am I supposed to be on the first floor with all the Negroes?

Is that how it is around here, ma'am? Is this how it is in this town?

I'm an important person. I drive a Dodge Stratus, and my name is Raul Martinez.

Okay, well, I don't really have time to mess around with that right now,

so if you have an actual problem that I can help you with...

Well, I need... I gave you...

Ma'am, I just gave you a laundry list of stuff that I need,

and then I implore you under the name of customer service

and the name and the theories of business management

to immediately dispatch over one Negro with all those items as soon as possible.

Okay, well, at this point, sir, I'm going to be hanging up.

You better not hang up or it's going to be your job.

Oh, it's your job.

I got your job.

She's gone.

And that was that.

That was pretty funny.

That was something indeed.

Milkman, any thoughts on that?

That was good, man.

Good.

That freaking bitchy way in there, man.

You know, that's the truth, though.

At hotels, man, they don't offer you anything anymore.

You're lucky if you get any shampoo or conditioner in there sometimes these days, man.

What the hell?

I didn't get any condiments.

I was looking for a Magnum to pack us all, and I want to make some hobos appear.

They didn't have any ketchup packs with my shoestrings, honey.

How about I call her back and ask her to tell me what pornographic movies they have on there, you know?

Don't they all have their dirty movies?

I'm going to tell her I'm shopping on a hotel solely on their pornographic movie selection,

and she needs to at least tell me the name of the channel or something.

You know, give me some information on your pay-per-view selections.

And that's how I'll make my decision.

Okay, hang on.

We'll call back.

I suppose we'll call back.

Yeah, real quick.

Who should I call back as?

Eddie Garcia or John Masterson?

John Masterson.

John Masterson it is.

John Masterson.

Yeah, he's let us confrontational.

Yeah, it's very important that I know.

Okay, I got it.

I'm in character.

What's going on, John?

Do you have comments?

Hey, well, how are you doing tonight?

Good.

Let me ask you a question.

Do you have any handicapped accessible rooms open tonight still?

How many nights?

Just for tonight.

I'm just driving through town.

If you do, they're 119 plus tax.

119 plus tax?

Correct.

Okay.

I weigh about 482 pounds.

Do you think someone could help me?

Are there any, at least on the ground floor, in a wheelchair?

Have any, like, in the second?

If I had to get the second floor, I just have a question.

We have elevators here.

Okay.

The problem with the elevator, though,

and I usually don't have a problem with this with the Radisson in Charlotte.

I'm claustrophobic, and I'm liable to have a heart attack inside the elevator.

So I actually do have to take the steps in the wheelchair.

I just need about three people, two people to pull and one person to hold my feet in place.

And I can get up, you know, about five flight of stairs with about three able-bodied men.

Well, we do have room on the first floor that you would be able to have.

The problem with the fourth floor, it's really hard for me to pray to Mecca from the fourth floor.

Can you hold for just a minute?

Sure, thank you.

...and the fabulous dining that's a few minutes away.

Okay, I love John Masterson.

Is it officially John Masterson, not John Masterson?

I'm a big-ass kid, so you can't get me in the room.

I love the reading.

I've got to get Gurgling.

...you've got in your mouth there now, John Masterson.

I had to get like a waddle-y sound in my voice

How would I do that?

Oh, there you go

Like a gargley sound?

Maybe I'll just go off this level

That's easier right there

I'll put my weight on my chest

Just gargle when you talk

Gargle when I talk

I was going to gargle, so do I talk.

Do you think we'll ever get through here? This might be the famous eternal hold.

Madman, go check to see if they're getting someone for us or not.

I could call on the other line.

Yeah, I'm on hold on the other line.

Okay, this is taking too long, sorry guys

I'll be right back, I gotta kill a dog

Okay, go do that

Clone's gonna go out and shoot the dog

And we're gonna stay here and talk

Milkman, you ever kill a dog, Milkman?

With your bare hands

Actually, I tried to strangle one to death

That's wrong

wrong i was just kidding i was just kidding man you didn't have to be you have to share that

you did okay okay peanuts are playing her game so i didn't pay attention she's listening

and playing her game yeah there goes clone shooting the dog dog's gone everybody poor dog

so yeah the dead the dead's mom passed away we're very sad we played a tribute at the beginning of

the show. Oh man, that really

saddened me. I had a tear in my eye.

Yeah, Clone had

a tear.

Let's just say real quick, we support

the dead and we're sorry and you're a good guy.

And if there's anything that we can do,

there's not much that we can do, but if

anything we can do, let us know.

You know, and you're a cool guy,

the dead, and your mother will be

missed and she was a great person.

Chill out on the drinking.

She was a character right here on PCU and the Madhouse.

Yeah, she was on our show twice.

Weiss, she was on Zolar's show, I can't even count how many times.

I think she was on there a lot, right?

Yeah.

She was a fixture here, so she is missed, man.

Don't think you're going through it alone.

Yeah, she was quite active.

Everybody, I tell you what, you know, Tuck called me before the show,

and he's like, did you hear about the dead?

I'm like, yeah, I heard.

And, you know, everybody I talk to, you know, online and stuff,

they're like, did you hear about the dead?

I can't believe about the dead.

It sucks for the dead.

I feel bad, you know, I feel sorry for the situation.

situation so everybody cares man it's cool you know we're sorry too and then don't worry

michael jackson sung that so you should go out and buy that album who's what who's what's what's

my funny story that my dad was telling about too she had some lover from antarctica man

maybe zola i'll dig that out of the archives there was really funny stories man a lover

she was yeah man man she was a barrel full of laughs antarctica wow that's a yeah yeah

Yeah, Zola had some really interesting conversations with that lady,

but she is missed.

You know how you can extract information.

Yep, yep, I know.

I know they can make you sound like you said anything these days.

But anyway, so, yeah, we're down.

We're down to 88 listeners, but thank you, all 88 of you, for listening still.

And let me give out the toll-free line.

The toll-free line for tonight is 1-888-278-8509.

Again, you can reach us here.

Toll-free tonight, 1-888-278-8509.

Remember, you guys, we're going to do a call.

Yes, that's right.

While we wait for you to call, we'll do a call ourselves.

Okay, what can we do?

Gallagher's Where You Brew.

That's right.

That's who we're going to call.

Gallagher's Where You Brew.

Where You Brew.

I'm going to say that this call will be an Andy Garcia call.

We haven't done one tonight yet, so this is an Andy Garcia call.

Hell yeah.

Andy, yo.

I've got to get in that character.

Yo.

Let me give a quick shout-out out here.

Sure.

We've got a new listener from Norway.

Are you okay?

Thanks a lot for tuning in.

Welcome to the Madhouse, man.

Enjoy yourself.

Welcome, Norway.

We talked about him like three weeks ago, but yes.

Norway, checking in.

No, he was actually talking to us today, so he's definitely a friend of the Madhouse.

Yes, a friend.

A good friend, nonetheless, of the Madhouse.

That's right.

Friends are just friends.

Very good, Clone.

Very good.

Here comes the next call of the night.

Again, the toll-free line is open.

1-888-278-8509.

I didn't play this yet, did I?

No, I didn't.

No, I'm not.

It's more Iranian rap for you.

Yo, man, I just got out of the Army.

Yeah?

Yo, yeah, you guys open, right?

Yeah.

You there?

You have to rule my own beer?

Yes, sir.

Yo, that's dope.

How do I do it?

You got hops?

We got hops.

Look, me and my boys,

it's, um, tractor trailer full of barley, yo.

And we took it to Iowa over here, right?

So we want to know maybe we can, you know, sell you this barley, like, cheap, yo.

Sell a what?

$50 will sell you a whole tractor trailer full of barley.

Oh, really?

Yeah, y'all use barley, right?

Your beer?

Yeah, we don't need that much, though.

Yo, how much you need?

Yo, I'll break you off.

$25.

How much you want?

Oh, I don't think we need any.

It's clean, yo.

It's not dirty.

We found, like, we found a few rocks and stuff, but we took it from this guy in Iowa, yo.

Right.

Yeah, it was supposed to be something else, but I'm not supposed to tell you.

Right.

Yeah, he got us, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, we paid him like $50,000, and all we got was a bunch of barley and oregano.

You need some oregano?

Oregano? No, I don't need it.

Yo, I got this recipe for the original beer in Iraq, in Babylonia, yo.

And it was oregano flavor, yo.

You take some water, you take some Jesus blood, you take some oregano, and you put some adobo in it.

And yo, you're set, man. That's beer.

What was that last one?

Adobo.

What's that?

You know what an adobo is, yo?

No.

Yo, I put it in my pork chops, kid.

Yo, it's like Goya.

Goya brand Adobo, man.

You don't have Adobo?

Why you just standing there, stupid?

Where you hanging out, man?

Come on.

Let me talk to someone else.

Yo, speak to me.

Adobo or not?

What you want, man?

What you calling me?

Don't play.

That's entrapment.

What's that?

That's entrapment, yo.

Don't play.

What's entrapment?

What you doing right now, kid?

I know what you doing.

Okay.

Yo, that's entrapment.

I know my rights.

Okay.

Yeah, you know what the 15th Amendment is?

Which one?

I put my foot up on your ass.

The 15th Amendment.

You know where the 16th is?

Oh, no.

I kiss you on the lips.

Oh, yes.

Do you feel it?

Now you know why I got kicked out of the army.

I do.

Chief of Christ, Michael, what are we going to do?

Is Michael there?

It's like a weird angle, eh, clone?

Oh, you can't get away from me, yo.

Yo, you hear me, kid?

You reached out a bag.

That's super.

He's trying to call someone back.

Yeah.

He'll pick it back up.

He tried to call a toll-free number back.

It was an 800 number.

I don't know who he was trying to call.

There it is everybody

That's the place where you brew your own beer

Sam Adams makes that beer he thinks

I don't know

Poop says

That's Italian beer man

I don't know what Sam Adams makes

I don't know he's like a 13 year old kid from Tampa or something

Or maybe the watermelon

Watermelon flavored beer

I don't think that would taste good

Watermelon flavored beer

It would probably taste like watermelon chewing gum

And that tastes like nasty

I don't like that shit

Nah, man.

I like fried chicken flavored beer.

Fried chicken.

I would like fried chicken flavored chewing gum.

And I make that myself.

Man, you're making me hungry again.

Shut up.

Don't talk about food, man.

Mantequita.

You got me grumbling, yo.

Mase Manteca.

We're going to do a Fat Albert call tonight, too.

All right, man.

He's going to get some fried chicken.

Yay.

You're the street you want, Cole.

Fat Albert, baby.

Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby.

Okay, whatever you say.

Hey, Milkman, we got a place called Killer Productions.

Oh, yeah, I forgot the toll-free line is open.

Bitches, call 1-888-278-8509.

Remember, I lost my job, so this might be the last month you can call in on the toll-free line.

Don't be afraid, E-Fag.

Call in now, 1-888-278-8509.

You don't even know the number, goddammit.

It's 1-888-278-8509.

What do you got, a donut?

That's right.

It's like these shit, right?

I think Milkman's been hyperventilating himself again.

He has no alcohol.

Oh, man, I'm just telling you where these bears are from.

These fine cruising babies here got me all looked up.

Okay, hey.

Nunu has sent in that number for that preacher, right?

For Tim Searcy?

They live in Indianapolis, so it's like 10 o'clock or something.

It might be too late.

We'll try to call that.

We'll see what happens.

I don't know if it'll work.

Better do it, you wanker.

Yep.

I don't know if it'll work, but we'll try it.

Kitchen wank master.

We played this song too much.

This is going to be the last time I play this song for a while tonight.

Yeah, play that one, Ride the White Pony.

Oh, the white horse?

Well, that's on short notice.

Play some of your other ones.

Who plays that, the white horse?

That takes forever.

I don't know.

You always used to play a bunch of those ones.

If you want to ride, then ride the white horse.

Let's put in white horse in the search here.

White, I spelled it wrong.

I can't spell white.

White.

Just start dialing your little clicker and put on a different tune, man.

I got it already.

Look, Ride the White Horse.

There you go.

That's from Milkman

And poop is from New Jersey he says

This is when Milkman was only 42 years old

Looking for Mr. Sattler please

My name is Jose Garcia

And I'm interested in joining the Holy Cross Lutheran Church

I'm a recent convert from Judaism

It's 9.19pm where I live

I just moved to Indianapolis

And I haven't even set my watch yet

Honestly

Honestly, so I have to apologize.

But if you haven't already woken you up, if you don't mind waking up the old man.

Can I talk to you?

Are you saved?

You are saved?

Can you help me?

Ma'am, I need your help now, though.

What would Jesus do?

What would Jesus do, though?

What would Jesus do?

Oh, bitch.

Guys, what would Jesus do?

Look, man, what would Jesus do?

What a hater.

Yeah.

Do you know Jesus would do something?

Come along, my son.

Let me feed you.

Here's a loaf of bread and some fish.

He'd hear you out.

Yeah, Jesus will talk to me.

He doesn't care.

He doesn't have to sleep.

I'm too tired.

Call the church.

Whatever.

We have a big sale tomorrow.

All right, we got a shout-out.

Who are you calling now?

We got a shout-out coming in from someone.

All right.

Andy's listening.

Andy's listening in Illinois.

So what's up to Andy?

Andy, you know this trucker bum.

How the hell you doing?

He's not a trucker.

He's like an electrician or something.

I don't know.

Oh that's what they call them truckers nowadays

Is that what they call it

Is that what they call it now

Electrical cat prod

So hi Andy

Over there you bastard

Hurry up and buy a computer

Hurry up and buy a computer and a pair of headphones

And a microphone so we can put you on the air

Why you say anything on the back of your belt

Lookman's talking like a hair lip

Lookman has a hair lip

What is a hair lip guys

Does anybody know out there what a hair lip is exactly

Clone, do you have a hair lip or do you have anybody who has a hair lip?

No, I don't have a hair lip, man.

Sorry.

I got hair on my tape.

I got to shave my tape.

Okay, nice.

For you.

Skullandbone says that Jesus would touch us on the head and save us.

Then he would steal our weed.

Well, fuck that.

I know Clone Homegrown ain't having that.

Earthdog says Jesus would call that bitch back.

And that's right.

We would call that bitch back.

Saigon says Jesus would hang up too because he's too busy for pranks.

So there it is.

that's the round table right there

on how Jesus would handle a prank call

saying that he would not

so there it is

and Andy says

to tell that ignorant lint sucker milkman

that he does sheet metal

so there you go milkman

you're an ignorant lint sucker

and he does sheet metal

that's straight for you

you big freak

you big big ass freak

uh lonesome loser has uh sent in numbers of course and we need to get to uh and the phone

is ringing of course also all right what the hell happened to lego i don't know maybe this is him

this is this is from lego land right here maybe this is where he

ah okay madhouse radio you're on the air

who's this dr lego dr lego you're calling from the super secret line tonight what's up man

Dude, I hope I'm not intruding.

No, not at all.

You know, I heard that bit of KDK's show, and no, I don't mind when people call.

I give out a toll-free line so people can call, my friend, so it's okay.

So I'm not intruding?

No, not at all.

So why don't you explain, I'll give you a few minutes.

Let's not try to make it too long, because we've got people who have no idea what it's about.

But why don't you explain what you ended up with last night, because I'm out of the loop.

Yeah, no, dude, I'm not going to get into it.

I don't know what happened last night.

KDK was really fucking, he was fucking drunk.

And it just, I don't know how the whole, you know, he said some, KDK, the pretty, you know, I don't know what's with him.

I mean, and I don't mean this as an insult to him, but I think his people skills sometimes are a little wacky.

And I think his, you know, whatever.

You know, he said some shit that was very kind of hurtful to me.

And, you know, it also was kind of like a slap in the face.

I mean, it's like this, Carlito.

It's like I give, you know, let's say you were, you know, looking me up.

You know, you were taking care of me.

You were giving me a lot of business.

Yeah.

You know, I was your friend, and you were giving me a lot of business, right?

And I turned, and let's say we were both in the insurance business.

I'm just using that as an example.

And let's say one day I come to you and say, you know, man, you suck at this.

You're a crappy insurance guy

And meanwhile

You're giving me

All these leads

And all this business

You know

How would you

How would that make you feel

Well what if it was

That's kind of like

What he did to me

And a couple other things

And at first

I didn't really care

But then

I don't know man

He just got a little

Under my skin

Alright but what if

It was at the

Holiday Christmas party

And he was drunk

Yeah you know

It kind of

I think

It hurts even more

Because I think

People's real feelings

Or something

Come out

When they're

When they're fucked up

You know

You want to know

You know what the consensus I had during the day in the chat room was?

What?

That it's happening again, and what got KDK upset about, and Lego upset each other again, and it'll pass.

That's the consensus I'm getting from the chat room, just passing, passing.

You know, Lego, you know what might help you? Jesus might help you.

Listen, you know what? It's funny, KDK, it really bothers KDK that I put on my website

that I'm the king of Paul Frank Radio, or whatever the hell I put.

Yeah.

That really bothers him.

And you know what, dude?

I could put whatever I want.

You could, because, you know, you're Lego.

And, you know, it's your stream.

You could, you know, and you know what?

Here's, you know, the whole Stern Fan Network thing.

What?

The whole Stern Fan Network thing that happened on Monday.

Oh, yeah, well, what about it?

Well, how do you, in hindsight, do you think maybe you handled it wrong,

the promotion of the show?

Do you think maybe it got handled wrong, maybe?

Well, first of all, I don't think, you know,

You know, I don't think you even know what's going on.

Hold on, let me just pull over here, I'm driving.

You're driving?

I don't think, like, no, I don't think I did anything wrong, and I'll explain myself.

I went on to the Stern Fan Network on Monday, and I saw there was a post about the show from High Pitch Eric.

High Pitch Eric said, hey everybody, I'll be on Prank the World tonight at 9pm, please tune in.

So I went into that exact post, and I saw a lot of people going up for the total bashing I did.

And I kind of like, you know, I didn't bash anyone.

I might have said, you know, I said, guys, you know, we're doing a fun show.

If you don't want to listen, it's cool.

But, you know, you don't have to be so fucking, like, negative about it and say shit like that.

The next thing I know, there's a post from Joey Boots on there bashing the show.

So I retaliated in that same thread.

I retaliated to Joey Boots, and I said, you know, dude, you're a fucking asshole.

You know, high pitches of stern personality.

This is a stern board, a Howard Stern board.

And I said, we're not doing anything wrong.

Mutt had given us permission to take one post about the show.

And this is the one post, and that's it.

That's all we did.

Let me interrupt you right there, though.

Let me tell you a story real quick.

1995, in Orlando, a radio station here that carried Howard Stern

invited, it was high-pitched Eric, and it was one of the,

the elephant boy here, to do some event outside,

and they billed it as high-pitched Eric.

They dressed him as the Virgin Mary and Jesus,

the Virgin Mary and Joseph, and they had a baby Jesus on this float

in a Christmas Day parade in Orlando.

and it made the paper and all these people were in an uproar

because, you know, they had the Howard Stern people were out in Orlando doing this

and Howard Stern got in trouble for it, he got shit for it,

and he wasn't even involved, you know what I mean?

And I think what the people reacted like that was,

they kind of get, and I'm not saying that you're doing it, you're not doing it, I know,

but they think that maybe you're kind of using high-pitched Eric,

who's not the smartest of people, to try to get people,

and they take it the wrong way.

Let me, you know, retaliate, well, not retaliate, but let me...

Rebuttal.

I'll come back at you with that.

I've been doing prank call radio since 1998.

I did it all the way from 1998 to 2001.

I even did a few shows in 2002.

Okay?

Okay.

All right.

No time whatsoever have I ever solicited anybody,

Halpern or the Radio Chick or Opie and Anthony,

to be on my show.

Billy Miro, my baseball zudo,

came to me a little over a year ago and said,

He said, hey, listen, Billy Muir needs to go on internet radio.

Can you hook it up?

And I did.

He came to my studio, and I put him on radio.

And we were still on Ted's stream.

Then that whole fucking thing went down with Zola and Ted.

And, by the way, the whole thing went down with Zola and Ted,

and Ted obviously killed the stream, and KDK and Ted got to a point, whatever.

And I offered, being I owned a data center, I offered my services,

and I put up the stream.

And the stream has been up ever since.

And Billy Mira did a show for about until he got sick of it and quit.

During the interim of that show, we had guests, including High Pitch Eric.

High Pitch Eric and I met at Barbecue a year ago, and we met again this year.

And Eric was like, yo, I'd like to come down to the show, can I?

And I was like, sure.

And he came down to the show, and he's like, dude, I'd like to be on the show every week.

Would that be okay?

And I said, you're welcome here anytime you want.

And he's just become a regular of the show, and I've never asked him, and I, you know, but at the same time, I'm not going to deny that if I've got a guy who can do positive things for PCU, that I'm not going to try and take advantage.

I mean, you know, that's like Howard Stern himself calling Madhouse Radio up tonight

and saying, hey, listen, I'm going to be on your show tomorrow, blah, blah, blah, whatever.

I mean, you know, he wants you to call into his show tomorrow.

You can't tell me that you're not going to call Howard Stern's show if he wants you to call and promote your show.

Yeah, I mean, it's...

I'm not using... Hold on a minute. Let me finish.

I'm not using Howard Stern.

I'm not saying that I'm affiliated with Howard Stern in any way, shape, or form.

All I'm saying is that high-pitched Eric, I consider a good friend of mine at this point.

I happen to really like the guy.

We've become friends.

He's a friend of mine.

He happens to be a personality on Howard Stern.

Fuck it.

Let's use that to help us.

Who else is going to help us?

What are we going to do, dude?

Are we going to stay where we have 20, 30, 40 people listening to us a night?

Is that what it is?

Who's going to take this thing to the next level?

I'm all for taking it to the next level,

but you've got to understand when it comes to the Stern Fan Network,

those people, they're going to see it the other way.

They're going to see it as us trying to be losers taking it.

And that's what they act like they're doing.

And that's not what you were doing or what we were doing,

but they're going to say that because that's the kind of culture they have.

They're always on guard for stuff like that, and that's what the problem is.

Well, if you go on the Stern Fan Network, forget about high-pitcher me for a minute.

If you go on the Stern Fan Network and you go start reading some of those threads,

these people are ruthless, slashing, nasty, mean fucking people.

And it's not all the people on Stern Fan Network.

It's a handful of them.

And quite honestly, that's why I was really surprised that Joey Boots was starting in with me.

Because, you know, I didn't think of him as that type of person.

I mean, I know he's a wise guy, and he could be, you know, he's somewhat of a dictator, I guess, on the Stern Fan Network.

And I'm not saying, I'm not, again, I'm not down it.

Everything that I've done or said about Joey Boots, in complete comedy.

It was, I don't know the guy, and I don't dislike him, and I have nothing against him.

I did everything I did to stir up controversy, make good radio, and have fun.

Okay.

And I even explained that to him and Mike.

Okay.

But, again, you know, I think they went a little too far.

But they always do.

They have their own HowardStern.com-sponsored message board like two or three years ago,

and they were so cutthroat that they ended up cutting it off.

And this guy, Mott, used his own resources to do it on his own to give these people a place to go to,

and that's what became Stern Fenton Network, and that's just the way it is.

Those people operate.

They're a different kind of people, the Stern fans, and I'm one of them.

And I go into Starfront Network and I post, and you know what?

My signature says Madhouse Radio, listen every Thursday night, but I never talk about it.

It's just in my signature, and I let them come.

The difference is, if you had high-pitched Eric on Madhouse Radio every Thursday night,

you might think differently.

That's not my kind of thing.

I don't think I'd want, you know what I mean?

It works, but then...

No, no, no.

What I'm saying to you, I think you missed what I'm saying.

What I'm saying to you is, if high-pitched was on your show every Thursday night,

You might put a post in there

Because it's a stern fan network

You might think

Oh, well, High Pitch is going to be on my show tonight

Let me put a little thing in there about High Pitch

Huh? Hello?

Yo

Huh?

You with?

Lego? Hello?

Yeah

Hello? Lego?

Yo

Lego, you're on the air

Hey

Huh? Hello?

I'm here

Lego, hey, here you are

Okay

What I was saying is

You might want to put a

If you had High Pitch

Huh?

You hear me or no?

Yeah, we hear you

Okay

If you had High Pitch on your show

I have to let go on the air, everybody

What?

Hello?

Yeah, should I call you back?

No, no, we're good.

No, we're good now.

We got through the meet.

Okay.

If you were going to have high pitch on your show,

you might put a little thing in there saying,

hey, high pitch is going to be on my show tonight

because you thought it's a Stern Fan Network

and people might enjoy hearing it.

That's all.

Okay.

You know, that's as simple as that.

You meant, Lego, you meant well, but, you know, whatever.

I mean...

Bro, I meant well, and I didn't do anything wrong.

Tell me the truth.

You don't have to...

Listen, don't be afraid to tell me if you think I fucked up.

I'd like to know why, if you think I fucked up.

Um, I just, I don't think it was going to work, you know, in the beginning,

because, you know, those people are like that on there, who post on there.

I didn't know that, though.

Yeah, I know, and you learn.

And you learn.

Do you listen to Howard at all?

I mean, are you a Howard fan?

Yeah, I've been listening to Howard's stuff for 22 years, bro.

Okay, good, good.

But, you know, I didn't really think that, you know, I didn't, that's why I said to you,

I was surprised when Joey went against us.

Because, you know, that was uncalled for.

And that's why I spanked him back.

And he's all pissed off.

And I've got to tell you something.

I got kind of mad.

And you know me.

I'm a very resourceful person.

I put up SternFanatics.com.

I think I put it up on Tuesday.

It went up on Tuesday.

And since Tuesday, the site's gotten half a million hits.

Okay?

All from my efforts.

It's gotten half a million hits, it's got 800 posts, I mean, you know, whatever, I'm

not trying to, but what I will say is, what I think is cool is, if I can build it up,

I'm going to bring in a ton of PCU traffic from it, there's going to be no bashing on

the board, no dictatorship, and whatever, and I'm not going against, I'm not going in

competition with SFN, because I'll never be as big as them, and I don't want to, that's

not what I'm looking to do.

I'm just looking for a place where people can go and talk about Howard

And talk about other things that they want

And not get bashed

And not, you know, if I see people like really

I mean, I don't mind a little bit of shit

But if people are really getting crazy, they're gone

Okay, well, here's Lego

Okay, so it happened, it happened

You know, I think you meant well

I think in a normal situation it would have been a great thing

But those people, you know, at SternFab Network are like that

And that's how it turned out

Well, and maybe in the future, maybe they'll be turned on enough to slowly listen to us,

and I'm sure we're destined to create things no matter what.

Well, I'll tell you this.

I had a lot of people from Star Fan Network listening to my show Monday night.

Maybe not in a positive way, but I did.

Yep.

And I'll put it to you this way.

Zora and I were talking yesterday,

and I am going to write a letter to Mutt and to Joey and apologize to them.

And I'm going to tell them that it really blew out of proportion,

and as a symbol of peace, I'm going to offer them a radio stream.

And I'm going to say, listen, I'll tell you what, guys,

we'll give SFN its own radio stream.

And Joey could have his own show and this show

and any of the other moderators that want to do their own thing.

I'll give them an SFN stream to show that, hey, look, CU wants to be an alliance.

We don't want any controversy.

We're looking to, you know, help.

do that and they accept hoping they will um then i'm hoping that it will help you but you know

it's like kdk said to me the other day he's like what what are we going for you know yeah well hey

lego let's let's move on here uh real quick let's touch on a subject and let's call it closed uh

kdk uh and you milkman you're over there playing the guitar can you go ahead smooth it out and play

a little uh more smoother like you were playing earlier here and if you don't mind you're doing

You're doing a great job on the guitar.

Well, give us a smooth guitar, and Lego, I just want you and me here to just maybe pretend we're holding hands.

And Milkman, no, play the guitar you were playing in the beginning, goddammit.

He doesn't want us to play.

There we go, Milkman, great.

Let's just hold hands, Lego, let's close your eyes on me and pretend you're holding hands with me.

Okay.

As, you know, a brother in Christ, or...

That's a nice hand.

Okay, yeah, I have very soft... I wear lotion.

motion um what happened between you and katie k last night did you guys make up yet you know what

no you know what i love katie k good all right i i gotta tell you something of that guy i don't i

know him a year he's kind of a wackadoo i love the guy i i i don't know why i sometimes i wonder why

i like the guy but i do i really do like him and i don't and i don't want to be in a fight with him

ever i don't want to fight with him uh he said some things to me that really personally hurt me

me a little bit if that's how he feels and that's the way he wants to be i accept it all right well

in jesus name here i proclaim that brother lego brother pete brother lego and brother dave brother

kdk all are both um absolved i forgive both of you tonight um your penance is commuted you're

both brothers you gotta mention moses too and moses name too moses tune and the torah you know

And, uh, and Lego, you're saved.

Okay.

You know what I told KDK last night?

I said, if we ever split up on a whole new radio network, I'd call it PC Jew.

PC Jew.

Very good, because you're a Jew.

And you drink Manischewitz, apparently.

That's what I heard.

And Gefilte Fish.

Yo, Gefilte Fish stinks, man.

You ever see what Gefilte Fish is made out of?

It's like in a jar.

It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like Alpo.

It's like you open a fucking, I don't know how these Jews eat that shit.

it. I don't know either. Dirty Jews, man. Hi, can you call the Chinese restaurant? The

Chinese restaurant? Athena, what's the Chinese, get that Chinese restaurant menu. Something.

Is it over here? They're probably closed now. It's too late to call a Chinese restaurant

here. Do you call one on the West Coast? I feel like calling Chinese. Um, I can search

for one. We also have the Lego store. And if you want to do that while I get that number

for you in the meantime. The Lego store? The Lego store? Yeah, go ahead. Okay. In Portland,

Oregon. And while you do that, I'll get you a Chinese store. We'll come back. We'll

do the Chinese restaurant. We're good. All right? Okay. Okay. So Dr. Lego with a prank

Frank Cole here, everybody.

Milkman on the guitar.

And we'll be right back after this.

Calling your store and watching the screen.

I'm going to help you.

Hi, how are you doing?

Good, how are you?

Okay, this is the Lego store, right?

Yes, it is.

Okay.

You guys, you sell the individual pieces, right?

The colors?

Which one?

Well, I mean, I know you have the kits, but I need some pieces.

I'm building a very, very big Lego model.

Okay.

And I need, like, a lot of pieces.

I'm mostly black.

I mean, mostly big, long, black Lego pieces.

You know, let me switch to a different phone.

This phone connection is really poor.

All right.

Hold on one second.

Are

you still there?

What's your name again?

Joshua.

Joshua, hey.

Joshua?

Yeah, no, my name is not Joshua.

It's Abe.

Okay.

I'm looking for, I need a lot of Lego pieces.

I'm building a very big model of Lego.

I want to try to get it published in Lego World magazine.

And a lot of black pieces of Lego.

Okay.

Now, which black pieces are you looking for?

Like, you know, the big, long, you know, like, I don't know what you call them.

They look like the little square ones, but they're long.

Right, right.

I probably need, honestly, probably need anywhere from 800 to 1,000 pieces.

Okay.

Are you looking for your basic 2x4 or longer?

Yeah, but do you have an even longer one?

Do you think I should glue it?

Nah.

It isn't necessarily recommended, but it's possible.

I'm not going to glue it.

I just don't want it to fall apart on me.

My boyfriend will get a little out of shape.

All right.

Right now, our picker brick wall is actually not, well, they're not black.

I need to get this built because I want to get it entered in a couple of different contests.

It's kind of a foul.

You know, I've seen people do it before.

Naked lady out of Lego, and he serves sushi on it.

If you're looking for a black 2x4, let me check for you.

What I'm trying to do is I'm trying to build a big black penis, and I'm going to call it Lexington Steel.

deal. And I need, that's why I want to use the black pieces. Hey, do you have flat black?

Because I thought the, you know, let me put you on hold for a minute. Okay. I think it's

a fag. I think he got excited. He sounds like it. He sounds like it. Like eight hours going

off. Is that your phone going beep beep or is my phone running out of battery? Someone's

calling me on the, um, on the cell phone. I think we'll come back. I don't know. I don't

know. Hey, I got, I think he's, I think he's checking if he has flat black. I hope he

does. Okay. I hope so, too. That's a good

color. We've got six Chinese restaurants

on the West Coast when you're ready, too. All right.

You know what? I think this guy

understands that I'm not serious or anything.

Let's move on. Hang on. Let me clear the line here.

Hang on. Okay.

You have your choice here. We've got Buffet

China. We've got... That's Arby's

on China Lake. We've got the China King

Super Buffet. We've got the China Walk Express.

Hey, listen. You know what? Any...

Any... Anyone you want.

Okay. Here we go.

The China Walk Express. This is

This is originally confirmed by Lonesome Loser in February, February 10th of this year.

It is in Compton.

And a Chinese woman on February 10th answered at 3.58 p.m.

This is from the Lonesome Loser archives.

We'll call that now.

Hang on, everybody.

Here comes Lego with another call.

Getting better.

How you doing?

Yeah, hi.

How are you?

My name is Abe Froman.

I was in there earlier.

I got a takeout.

What kind of pickup?

I picked up chicken broccoli.

Huh?

I ordered tonight, and I got chicken broccoli.

When I got it home, by the way, it was very good, delicious.

Thank you.

When I got it home, though, I opened up the fortune cookie,

and the fortune cookie said to come back for some sucky sucky.

What's your phone number?

Oh, my phone number?

I came, I didn't know.

I picked it up.

I'm on my cell phone.

The fortune cookie told me I should come back in and get some sucky sucky with that.

What does that mean?

She said, it said, I don't know, you know, are you the one who gave me the order?

Do you want to, is it, because it was also like a black pubic hair that smelled like a rat's ass.

I think you got a no number.

No, this is the Chinese restaurant, right?

What kind of Chinese restaurant do you go to?

I called up, I ordered the chicken broccoli, you guys make that, right?

Yes.

Yeah, no, that's what I got, the chicken broccoli, and it was, it was, let me tell you,

I'm a connoisseur of chicken broccoli, and this chicken broccoli was really good.

Okay.

Thank you.

But my fortune cookie, my fortune cookie, I opened, I ate it, and then I read the fortune,

and the fortune, the word of the day, by the way, was bukkake.

It said the Chinese word for massive cum shot is bukkake.

Are you sick?

Am I sick?

Are you sick now?

No, no, I'm not sick.

I'm happy.

What happened?

The fortune cookie say anything.

The fortune cookie says, the little paper inside the fortune cookie, it said something about sake sake.

What's sake sake mean?

I guess it means you gotta get on your knees or something, and then it had like a little black pubic hair that smelled like a rat's ass, I don't know.

So I don't know too, I don't know what's that meaning.

You know if you go to the Chinese restaurant and you got fortune cookies, any different kind of fortune cookies, it's a different meaning.

You can go there and get another fortune cookie.

Could I ask you, what does Bukkake mean?

Pardon me?

What does Bukkake mean?

I don't know.

Bukka?

Bukkake.

I don't know.

I don't know what that means.

Yeah, that's what it said.

It said I could come and you do such and such and then I could do Bukkake all over your face or something.

Yeah, you go to try the fire, the dictionary.

I don't know what that means.

All right.

So how about this?

Let me come in.

I'll come back.

And could you give me some more fortune cookies?

Yeah, you go to take a fortune cookie.

Yeah, because I don't know if I like this fortune.

Because, you know, if you're a big fat smelly pig, I wouldn't want to do a bukkake on you.

Okay, well, so you go back and get another fortune cookie.

All right, so you'll give me some sucky sucky with that.

And maybe I'll do bukkake on the other guy.

Go ahead, get another fortune cookie.

Okay, I'll come in.

I'll eat all your fortune cookies

And then maybe you can give me like

You know

A massage with release

And something like that

Whatever, you'll come back

You'll take care of me, right?

Bye-bye

Thank you

I love you

That's great

That was pretty good

That was funny, man

I like the whole premise of the

You know what

Enter your destination number

Let me call one real quick

Let me call one

I got an idea for a premise here

Honey's Restaurant

How can I help you?

Hey, how you doing?

Hello?

Hello, hey, I just got the beef and broccoli.

I'm sorry, who?

I just got beef and broccoli.

Oh, um, this is, you have to come in and make sure to go.

Okay, whatever you say, but I just got the, um, I got a, uh, a fortune cookie, you know?

Uh-huh.

What does it mean if it says you died tonight?

I'm not sure.

Is that for real?

No, I don't know.

What do I do?

What did I do?

Why?

How do I, how do I break it?

Do I have to eat it?

Yes.

Eat the cookie?

Uh-huh.

And it'll happen?

It won't happen.

It won't happen?

No.

What if my wife ate the cookie instead?

I'm sure you're fine.

Are you sure?

Hi?

She didn't keep it down.

I'm sorry, what?

She's pregnant.

She ate the fortune cookie.

She didn't keep it down, though.

I don't know if it counts.

I mean, she ate it, but you can't back up because she's, you know, sick.

I don't know.

She's about eight months pregnant.

Can you ask one of the Chinamen back there how it works?

Because you want to speak to my wife?

Go ahead, wife.

She threw it up.

How was that noise?

Please enter your destination number now.

All right, bitch.

Okay, Lego, let me clear the line here

We'll move on

Okay, Lego, so when it comes down to it

We're still okay, PCU's still going to be running

For the time being, so whatever happens, happens, I guess

Yes, Carlito, that is right

Well, that's great, Lego

Okay, I don't know what happened to Lego

What'd you do to Lego? Did you cut him off?

Oh my god, it's a tragedy

Well, that was Dr. Lego

In some form or fashion, that was Dr. Lego

We have another caller who's going to be calling in

Andy's getting ready to call in

oh man andy's getting ready to call in whoa we lost a pipe oh my god it could have broken on

the floor and it all it hit was carpet thank god we did not suffer a broken pipe we saved it

everybody yes that's right we saved the pipe everybody we saved the pipe and here's andy

everybody i believe i don't know who else is going to be calling from chicago he i he i andy what's

What's up, man?

Hey, what's going on, buddy?

Not much, man.

How you doing, bro?

I'm great.

You're great?

Good.

You having a good time tonight?

Milkman is happy.

Milkman just took a stun lot of kitty and everything for you.

Wow, that's good.

I know.

You know how hard it is to separate those two on a Thursday night.

Yeah.

So what's up with you?

I don't know how it smells.

You got stung by a bee today, man?

Yeah.

Me and bees have a long history of violence towards each other.

Me too.

But yeah, I got stung by a bee.

No one needs to worry. I'm okay.

Okay. You're not allergic or anything like that?

Oh, I hope not.

Okay, good.

Yeah, well, I mean, I used to hope I would.

I used to stick a whole bunch of bees in my pants

and I hoped that, you know, they would sting me in the right place

and I'd be impressive.

You'd be impressive.

I'd be a real black man, but...

That's funny.

That's not how you do it.

Yeah, that didn't work.

That's funny.

That's some shit, dude.

So what else has been up?

Are you working yet?

Or, you know, I lost my job.

No, no, I'm not.

call it a job center, I mean, not a job center, a call center, like, the next month, and then

I start school, like, paid training the month after, like, in mid-October.

Andy, are you going to work at a call center?

Are you serious?

Yeah, well, I'm just going to, it's like, you, they call, and then you forward them

to whoever they want to talk to.

You're going to be a receptionist?

Okay, I got you.

Yeah.

Awesome.

All right, everybody.

I'm going to wear hot skirts and shave my legs.

Andy, you probably could have been a receptionist in Florida for the same amount of money.

Not me, man.

Probably.

But, you know, I'm only going to do that for like a month or so.

Especially if you need me.

Also, I'm getting real fat.

I'm working on that.

I'm making a lot of noise when I stand up now.

So that's good.

That's good.

That's always good to see.

It's a good two or three minute struggle for me to get out of a chair.

I like that.

Good.

Well, you'll get used to it.

What's up with it?

I'm trying to shrink in my calves and my quadriceps by heaving myself up and down.

Okay, good.

Good. You're probably going to become diabetic now, dude.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to that.

The carpal tunnel, I think, is about to start.

Oh, that's nice. I have that.

You know what? I got test results back.

They put me on this nerve pain medicine.

You're missing out on it, man.

Wow.

I could have shared, but you had to leave.

That would be great.

Yeah, it's really good.

But then I lost my job, so, like, the doctor gave me, like, 50 different boxes of samples

and gave me through for, like, three months, and hopefully I get a job between then.

Oh, because you couldn't afford to pay?

Well, no, I mean, I'm...

That's very Puerto Rican of you.

Yeah, well, my insurance is going to run out.

on the end of the month, so I'm pretty, I don't know, I'm probably going to die.

You know, at this point, either I find a job in three months or I die.

No more synthesized iguana spit, huh?

Yeah, well, I have until the end of the month to build up a supply for however long, you know.

I'm going to build up a three-month supply, and the plan is to get a job in three months.

If not, I'm screwed.

I'm looking forward to you being a torso, and that's it, when they take your hands and your arms and legs.

Yeah, my legs are probably going to go first, but hey, man.

I'll hold you down the stairs.

You don't have neighborhood dogs use you as a hydrant.

Did we mention Cap yet? The dog's okay? Cap's alright?

Yeah, yeah. He's made friends with my uncle's dog, Bosco, and it's very touching.

Good, good. They bonded.

And then he bought a Rauar last night.

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

You make any money off of that?

No, I bet against him.

You bet against your own dog?

I've been feeding him pita butter and koalas for the last, like, month.

and I thought he was going to lose, but it didn't work out.

Yeah, that's good.

He surprised everybody.

Yeah, that's good.

Are you listening to Stern up there?

Did you get your radio hooked up?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah.

It's been a good time.

Good show today.

Artie was cracking me up.

So there's a lot of problems, huh?

Like you guys are all fighting again?

I'm not.

I'm not involved in it.

It's KDK and Lego and Zolar doing something.

But apparently Zolar might have gotten us hooked up with Stern Fat Network

or something like that, some developments.

I don't know exactly 100% what's going on,

but apparently we may be getting some kind of promotions here soon to a wider audience.

Maybe you'll make enough money off it somehow that you could stay alive.

Yeah, or just at least pay for my meds and keep me alive.

Everybody, keep me alive.

Donate some money and tell a friend.

Or rob a drugstore and send whatever diabetics you use, whatever you use, if you have sugar aids.

Yeah, and Diet Pepsi.

If you get any Special K, I want that.

Yeah, Special K for Andy, Diet Pepsi for me, and Milkman gets all the Viagra, and we're good to go.

Cialis, Milkman, what do you prefer, Viagra or Cialis?

And he has no answer.

Is he even there?

Can he hear me?

He can hear you.

You can hear him, and I think he maybe...

Hey, Milkman, and then you tell me what he says.

He's not saying...

His light's blinking, and he's not saying anything.

I think we've lost him again.

You know how Milkman is.

Yeah, it's horrible.

I don't know what happened.

He is one of my best friends in the world.

Yeah, well, he means when you first got on, he was saying, hey, Andy.

Then he started talking a lot, and we had to cut him off.

But all right, well, all right, Andy, well, hey, thanks for calling in, bro.

Check in.

Get a computer so you can be back on the show, man, everybody.

Well, yeah, I got a, you know, my uncle's got a really good one,

but it's too much trouble, so I probably won't.

Okay, all right, well, fair enough.

We'll never hear Andy again.

I'm pretty lazy, and, you know, I'm doing all right right now, so that's it.

That's it.

That's all he's got.

That's his time.

Milkman's back, and he's...

Just as much as I can contribute, I'm playing online poker, so I can't really sit and talk to you right now.

You're busy right now.

You've got to make money.

Yeah, well, no, I play in the free ones where you have to play money.

I've got some people I need to talk to.

Yeah, I play for them.

Because if I actually played for money, I'd be more broke than I am now.

All right, well, Milkman is back on, and he's saying hi, and he said something about your book or something.

I don't really care about him anymore.

Oh, okay, all right, me neither.

It's kind of a talk.

All right, it's over.

It's past, Milkman.

All right, Andy, we'll catch you later.

Thanks for calling in, man.

Okay, no problem.

Later, Andy.

Hope you don't die of herpes

Hope you don't die of herpes and AIDS

And all that stuff

That's very nice of you to say Andy

I'm sorry

Yeah man Andy checking in

And that's that

Dr. Lego calling in

Anybody else who wants to call in can call in

After the break we're going to take a break everybody

God bless it all we're going to take a break

Because I need to take a break

Play one of them messages

The long one

Oh man my break's already set up

There's one long one.

What's the long one here?

38 seconds?

One minute, 25?

No, it's...

It's like...

You got a 38-second one here.

This is called...

Okay, it says Texas.

Tennis.

Texas.

I don't have that.

I got State Department Terrorist Reports.

Van Taylor, Texas.

I don't have it.

Hang on.

We'll play State Department Terrorist Reports, okay?

And you comment on that, and we'll take a break.

How's that?

Good?

Good.

Here it is.

All right.

Good enough.

And real quick, where is this from?

Is this from that liberal radio station shit?

No, this is from Air America.

That's not a liberal station shit.

Hang on.

That ain't a liberal station shit, you Tommy.

Hang on.

I'm kidding.

It is congressionally mandated to put out a terrorism report every single year.

And starting in 2005, they have decided to violate the congressional order to tell us what there are in the world.

However, congressional aides who saw the report said that the amount of significant terrorist attacks has tripled under George Bush's leadership.

Tripled.

Well, those are the best numbers I could find, and they're only for 2004.

Because they just stopped issuing the terror report.

Okay.

And what can you say?

Milkman, I mean, you know the old saying, you stir up a hornet's nest, they start stinging you, just like happened to Andy.

There you have it, man.

Then you got an asshole the size of an elephant.

Yeah.

And Andy in the chat room is saying, more commie filth from Milkman.

He is a communist.

Well, every time he sits down, you see now,

he's got some bee stings on his ass.

He'll have to cheer up with him.

Milkman, I've got to stretch my legs and my feet and all that.

All right, you've got to do that, man.

And we'll come back.

We'll do another hour, and we'll call it a night.

It's now 12.07.

It's Friday.

It's the unofficial start to the weekend,

which doesn't mean anything for me or Milkman because we're not working tomorrow.

But other than that, welcome to the weekend.

We're going to take a quick break

We'll be back in about 5 minutes

Again, be sure to visit madhouselive.com

And kdkprankcalls.com

Thank you everybody for listening

And stay tuned

Be tuned for more Madhouse Radio

After this break

White power, going nowhere

Piece of shit up there, I never liked him

I never talked to him

For all I know he had me set up

He had my friend Asia Fernandez killed

Right here, right after this

No you're not

Yes, I am.

You're going to like it, too.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Chug na.

Like black skin.

Eat your black pants.

Hey, black pepper.

Black keys on a piano.

Gums, because they black.

Hey, you big gold bird's lips.

Eat the back of Ford's with it, because next up, most of all, I hate that black ass Western snack.

Pass radio.

Do you gotta breathe?

Do you gotta, do you gotta

Show these niggas can't breathe

When I come to, hum to, some choose

Gotta be 20, man, it's not even funny

It's so cold, too tight

Everybody, everybody

Everybody

We're back in charge, everybody

It is Milkman and Carlito

And everybody in the chat room

We're all done, doing what we had to do

and that's

hey Carlitos

got those wigger buddies

the Andes there

that played the first night

the first show

you was on

they weren't Andes buddies

they were my buddies

they're the people

I buy weed from

okay that's them

right there

who

who Appleseed

right there

them lame ass ones

right there

no the guys

in the background

doing that lame rap

no man

this is Fabulous

F-A

Fabo

Fabolus

you gotta be kidding

that's his name

Fabolus

that's how he spells it

F-A-B-O-L-O-U-S

This is good music, man.

This is the kind of music

that's going to save the world from insanity.

Right here.

What do you want us to listen to?

Your gay stuff?

You like gay music.

Music for the gays.

Let's talk to...

Dr. G, you're on the air.

It's all about that memo.

That's okay, doctor.

You know, the problem is,

maybe you were talking to us

on the uh no i uh i'm gonna keep going now you know what dude because of you i'm gonna go on

ebay and buy one of those one of those football phones you think you can buy those on ebay

i like that on ebay's ebay's i'm gonna call it ebay's you know what e-gays is right no i don't

want to know i'm sure you own the url do you own drlego.com what's up man how did that prank

it turned out okay lego turned out very good and we're very fortunate to have you here with us

Thank you.

Well, I feel the same way, but I don't know, dude.

I'm still wondering about, you know, the whole future of this prank radio thing.

Nah.

You know, I don't want to go out with KDK or anything.

You know, let the chips fall where they may.

Let Jesus take care of it, or let Moses or whoever you pray to take care of it.

It's all right, man.

We can't do nothing.

You know, we're just on this big globe spinning around and around.

Why don't we let Bukkake take care of it?

And around.

I don't like Bukkake at all.

It's kind of nasty.

You know, I don't like mixing sperms.

other people's

sperms

it looks nasty

really

you know that

Houston 600

whatever that

slut was

that fucked

600 guys

in one night

or something

one day

and I was

watching it

when it

happened

you know

and it's like

you got guys

and they do her

and they jizz on her

and then the next

guy will come

and jizz on that

and they get all

mixed up on her

and it's like

all these different

people's

ugh

it was nasty

yeah but that

was kind of like

that was really

kind of sleazy

but you know

like

what about

What about, uh, what about, like, anabolic videos?

Anabolic?

You ever watch anabolic?

That's too many syllables for me right now.

Anabolic.

And let me see.

Let me break it down.

Anabolic.

No, no, no.

Anabolic is the company, and what they do is, you know, they have, like, the gangbang girl,

and they get these really hot girls, and they just fucking go crazy.

And it's, I don't know, it turns me on.

I think they're sick.

Why?

I think they're sick.

I like my porno man and a woman kissing, and that's it.

Really?

My porn, I like it

What you watch on Cinemax

That's what

When I get really horned up

That's what I watch right there

I can't deal with it

See, for me

Like, that's what I do with my

My girl usually

So it's like

You know

I like my porn pretty much

You know, off the hook

Crazy

Like, like

Fucking, like

Chick with ten cocks

Or

Two chicks

And a fucking midget

You know, whatever it is

I just

You love the bizarre

Kind of

So, you know

Here's the thing

It's not really bizarre

It's just that

I want to see shit

That I don't normally see

I mean

Have you been

Have you been to

Pornotube.com

Pornotube

Yeah

No what is it

Do it now

You know YouTube

Oh Pornotube

Is the YouTube of porn

Exactly

That's a great thing

Do you have to join

Or is that great

Nope

Just go in there

And do your thing

Trust me

Pornotube.com

Dude

I'm going to be up all night

Now because of you

It's changed my life

I'm telling you

Everybody out there

Pornotube

Someone here on PC

Told me about it

I want to say

It was Brad in Vegas

Posted a link on it

In the forums

And I went there

And I was like

Wow

Oh, that's something.

Tell me what you think.

Let me enjoy that.

That one's from me.

I think, I gotta tell you,

there is one thing I would like to,

there's a guy out there

who's kind of like a penis sometimes to me.

Andy?

No, no, not yet.

Earthdog.

Earthdog?

Dickdog.

Dude, he loves you.

He worships the ground you walk on.

He does everything to put it forward.

No, like yesterday he sent me

when KDK and I were going at it.

He sees you and his things,

what he's got going on.

Damn, I mean, even KDK will head or something.

And it's not going to go down

And Jesus

Yeah

Same

Like you know

PCU will

PCU will last

As long as KDK decides

He doesn't want it to be anymore

And it won't be

You know

You mean the wall

I'm not going to do a PC

You know like

That's what

That's what KDK thought

He thinks

He thinks I'm going to start my own thing

And go against him

You know what

If we ever stop doing it

I wouldn't do it

I don't

I don't have the time

In fact

If we ever stop doing it

Meaning if he went somewhere else

I would ask him

Hey could I do a show

I don't know everyone well, because honestly, I don't have time.

You know what, let's, you and me, just to settle things, how about we just say the Pledge of Allegiance.

You ready? Do you know it?

The American one?

No, the American one.

Alright, the real, here we go, and a one, and a two, and a three.

Okay, yeah, it is, it is.

One hand on my heart, one hand on my balls.

You ready?

One, two, three.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America,

and to the republic, to which it stands, one nation under God,

On the big fat hairy pussy

With liberty and justice for all

There you go, Lego

Bless America

Bless a free Cuba

And God bless PCU

Right

now, we're going to go ahead and get the dad on the line here

for a little bit.

He wants to call in, and then we're going to move on, do some pranks, and we're going to call it a night.

I'm actually not on the radio.

Oh, no, you're in your car.

Hey, listen, you know, something else I think to bring up.

I don't think anybody about what's going on.

You know, and a lot of people were fucking with him, and I'm going to tell you right now.

I lost my mom when I was a little kid, and it was devastating.

And, you know, I'm just going to say this serious shit.

The dad, he is a real deal member.

He's a sporting member of 10 shows.

I mean, I know there's been controversy.

The bottom line is, you know, I've gotten to really know him over the past, you know, he's a really good guy, he's got a lot of, he's got some things going on, but he's a good guy, and this is, he's going through a lot of shit right now, dude, this mom, mom was on every one of our shows, and she was, you know, she was fun, she was funny, she was a cool, you know, kind of a cool person, you know, the dead's mom, and, you know, this is our, you know, one thing I will say about PCU is we are all dead, we've got to support him, I really think that dissing him or saying anything is stupid.

It is, and it doesn't help anybody in a time like this, and, you know, maybe we all need to take a reality check on what's going on in our lives and the state of the world.

Yeah, and just think, just think, you know, the way, the best we can tell you is, Tom was his world.

Yeah.

So, you gotta remember, like, like, he's, you know, the guy is not, you know, he's got his issues in life with the palsy, and, you know, he's got all his, he's got all his deals, and he's overcome a lot of shit, but you gotta remember, his mom was there for him.

Yep.

And she cared about him.

For sure.

You didn't hear the tribute before the show, but she did care about him.

All right, Lego, we're going to let you go.

Thank you very much for coming.

Everybody visit pranktheworld.com, drlego.com.

Thank you.

Drlego.net, actually.

Drlego.net.

Anyway, listen, I, you know, say is that.

You know what you do, too?

We'll hear you again soon.

And God bless you.

I appreciate you, sir.

Yes, sir.

I appreciate you, and I appreciate everything you do.

Thank you very much, Lego.

Vice versa.

Amen to that.

We love Lego, and Lego's theme song plays in the background as we move on, finally.

I like that smooth guitar he was playing a little while ago.

Yeah, it was.

I want to hold hands with you guys, too.

Yeah, you were all holding hands in a circle here.

The Jesus prayer circle.

That's right.

Yeah.

So the dead is back in the chat room.

We played our tribute earlier.

Hey, the dead.

Yeah, the dead's talking about making a comeback.

I don't know what that means.

I took a big shit.

Well, anybody wants to mess around with the dead, man, over what's going on.

Don't fuck with the dead.

Don't mess with the dead.

Be cool, my brothers.

Be cool, my babies.

Be cool.

We need to move on.

That's right, man.

The dead's cool.

We talked to Dr. Lego for like half the show, so we got to move on here.

How about a few more pranks here before we call it a night?

Yeah, man.

Let's go.

Jill Mama.

Here's one.

Heartbreakers Nightclub phones in the girls' dressing room.

This would be perfect for Zolar.

I don't know if he's listening.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Zola was out there, but we had the phone in the girls' dressing room at Heartbreakers Nightclub in Houston, Texas.

A redneck girl answered at 1154 p.m. Eastern.

What's about a half hour ago?

This has to be a lunchtime.

Yeah.

Oh, hell yeah.

Well, let's call it.

You're like a fat-ass Texas hoes.

What's a good stripper song?

What's a good song for a stripper?

I don't know.

Cherry Pie.

Oh, yeah.

That's right.

Do I have Warrant Cherry Pie?

No, I don't have cherry pie.

Son of a...

You got all that old shit.

Cherry pie, that is, you know, that is...

Play one of them parliament songs.

Parliament songs?

Chocolate City or something.

Chocolate City for a stripper?

George Clinton.

Hang on.

Yeah.

What do we got in the George Clinton files here?

We got Dr...

Play one of them funky songs.

Okay, we got Dr. Funkenstein, Erotic City, Atomic Dog, Jungle Boogie.

Erotic City.

I don't even know this one.

Hang on, we'll play it.

It'll be good.

Oh, this sucks.

This is kind of porno-like.

We'll play it.

Hang on, everybody.

We're calling the phone in the girls' dressing room at the strip club.

Not bad, not bad, Milkman.

Good work.

Hey, dude.

We better try the next one.

Yeah, we're going to have to move on.

Use to dial.

Two people.

Please match pad with your palm now.

And there that is.

That didn't work?

Well, that's fine.

Special dialing wand.

I want that special dialing wand, baby.

That's got to be something nice.

It's a Chinese operator.

You can also get the earwax out of your ears.

Okay, well, that's what my fortune cookie said.

It says roll this thing up and jam it in your ear.

I mean, it's late something fierce.

Here we go with a caller.

That's early, man.

Where's the 408 area code?

I think that's in the south somewhere.

Find out for me real quick.

You're on the air.

Go ahead.

Tennessee.

Hello.

Hello, what's up?

I'm on it.

Who's this?

Neil.

Oh, Neil, what's up?

Damn, you haven't called in there forever.

What's up with you?

Yeah, I know.

How you been?

I've been busy.

Yeah, okay, so you're in Tennessee now, huh?

Yeah.

And you're going to school?

Not yet, right?

You're waiting to get residency?

Yeah.

Yeah, that makes you know Athena.

She didn't make her...

It's like an insane amount of money.

Yeah, it sucks.

It sucks.

It does suck.

Are you working or anything, or are you just chilling at home?

No, I'm doing two jobs.

Oh, shit.

And, yeah.

Damn, Neon, I went from having two jobs on Friday to having no jobs on Monday.

Can you believe that?

Oh, shit.

I had a full-time job and I had a part-time job, and by Monday I lost both of them,

and now I'm completely unemployed.

Isn't that great?

Life's good, huh?

So don't mess up, girl.

Don't mess up.

So, Tennessee has a lot of jobs.

You can buy a muscle car.

So many that they can't find people to work at them.

Really?

Well, that's good.

Yeah, you guys have a lot of cheap, not cheap labor, but I'm saying, like, the wages there are less than the rest of the country, for the most part, in Tennessee and that other state over there, Kentucky, is that the other state that's next to you guys or something like that?

At least, yeah.

Kentucky!

Kentucky, good barbecue in Kentucky. Hey, Milkman's telling me in the talkback that you're buying a muscle car, is that for real?

No, I'm looking to see what type of cars I can buy.

Okay.

I'm looking into more of the older, classic muscle cars.

Are you into, like, a Mustang or something?

I don't know what's going on.

Yeah, a Mustang.

Oh, really?

I'll be honest with you.

I don't like Mustang drivers, I'll be honest with you.

I mean, they come across.

I was talking about this the other day.

Mustang drivers, you know, are bad drivers usually.

and rednecks that drive trucks, like big ram trucks and stuff like that, diesel trucks, hate them.

They drive, they tailgate, and they're assholes, and they think they own the road.

But you know what? That doesn't mean that you're going to drive like that.

I know plenty of women who drive Mustangs, and, yeah, they do their thing.

Would you like to do a prank call, Neal?

Yeah.

Okay, I'll tell you what I got that we haven't called yet.

We got Joe Mama's, and we also have Annie Fanny's Bar, Grill, and Casino in Washington.

Let's go with the casino one.

Okay.

This is in Spokane, Washington.

Again, this is Annie Fanny's Bar, Grill, and Casino.

Everybody hang on.

Little Evil Neil with a prank call coming right up in just a moment.

It's now 12.33, and you're listening to Madhouse.

He owns a black hat like I own, a black suit, and a cane like my own.

Somebody take the chill beat.

Annie Fanny.

Joe there?

Who?

Joe.

No, he isn't Joe that works at the General Fires?

Yeah.

Nope, he's not here.

I haven't seen him for a while.

Really?

Because, I mean, I got his card, and...

Well, he gave me a card so that I can call any time.

He said he'll give me some free drinks and some tokens to go play in the arcade.

Oh, we don't have an arcade here.

You don't?

Well, you said you guys do.

It's in the back, like, behind the...

We have a couple games.

Are you 21?

Huh?

I'm sorry, you're breaking up really bad.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Well, yeah, he's not here.

No?

Well, he said that he'll give me a few drinks if I perform some stuff with him,

and then that he'll let me play some of the games for free.

If we perform what?

Well, I can't really say. I mean, like, it's kind of personal.

Oh, um, like, he's performed some favors for you, for him?

Yeah.

And then he'll buy you drinks and, um...

Yeah, I mean, I'm only 18 anyways, but he said it didn't really matter.

Oh, you know what? He's full of shit. It does matter.

And you can't get in here if you're under 21.

Really?

Uh-huh.

Well, he said he'll get me in anyways.

No, he won't.

I'm glad that he called to warn us, though.

But, um, huh?

Can I still come in, though?

I haven't seen him, and I haven't seen him for a while.

Can I still come in, though?

I mean, what if I bring an older friend?

No.

This is a bar.

Well, I know, but I mean, like, what about the casino or the restaurant or something?

Who is this?

Is this serious?

Yeah.

Well, you can't.

Why not?

Huh?

Why?

Why not?

Well, I'm asking you.

Why not?

Because you're 18.

So?

I'm legal.

Legal for what?

I can drink, can't I?

No.

Okay, what about under adult supervision, I can?

No, you can't.

What if I bring my parents?

No, you can't.

I'm from California.

Oh.

Well, I don't know what they do in California, but you can't do it here.

You can't come in this bar.

You suck.

You cannot come in this bar.

You suck.

You want to give me a fucking drink?

Her phone sucks, too.

You're a stupid bitch

God damn it

Oh my god

That's some shit

Let me see if I can call her back

And talk to her

There we go

Yeah let me try to get her back

God damn it

That never works

Hang on

You there?

Yeah

Okay good

I thought I lost you

Alright Neal

We're gonna

We're gonna probably wrap up the show here

Pretty soon

Anybody wanna say hi to out there

You're not as big as a fixture

As you used to be in the chat room

Or I should say

Not a cop

Oh I'm busy

Yeah

Well it happens

When you settle down

and everything

be sure to

don't forget us

and stuff

settle down

please

yeah

you gotta settle

down eventually

you know

well I guess

you're at that

age where you

just want to

run around

and shit

yeah

it'll all

catch up with

you in about

three years

you know

oh lovely

thank you

yeah

I don't know

it's all

downhill after

21 I promise

you look forward

to it

enjoy them

while you have

them I'm sure

Milkman agrees

he was 18

about 50 years

ago

we love Neo

alright Neo

everybody go to

littleevilneo.com

and we'll catch

you later

bye now

I don't

okay bye

okay

I feel bad I cut her off so abruptly

I should have let her talk

Poor Neo

I'm sorry Neo

I didn't mean to come across

Call back Neo

He just wasted

Call Joop

Joop says he's going to come on after

Oh please

That's a portis list bitch

No Joop supports

Joop supports

Oh okay

He never shows up in our chat room unless he wants you to use your server.

Well, there it is.

There is that.

Honestly, Neil, sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off like that, homegirl.

It's all good.

We'll call in again.

I'm just a little out there.

And Andy's asking, Andy, who is also Appleseed in the chat room,

who is ruffling feathers already.

He must be doing something up.

Joop's calling Andy a negative Nancy.

What did Andy say that he threw up in his mouth when he thought about Joop's show?

That's kind of funny.

Yeah.

I just threw it

out of my mouth

when I thought

about a Joop show.

That was crazy.

Joop is funny.

He's a funny guy.

Dude, you know

Joop's intro

last weekend

when I heard it

was cracking me up

because he does

all these weird voices

at the beginning

and it's really funny.

He's got like

a fat Albert voice.

I never miss

any of his shows.

Yeah, I don't either.

But he never

comes to any of ours.

He misses all our shows.

He's a welcome guest

here and everything.

Look how he treats us.

Yeah.

After all we've done

and everything

And, you know, Andy even got his mama a job and everything.

Look how it is.

See, look at that, man.

I love to say what's up in the...

You know why?

And she didn't even answer the phone at that bar.

Nope.

By the ladies' room.

We even played Erotic City.

Yep, and nothing.

Fucking bitches.

We talked to...

Earlier, we were talking about Misery.

Also, with Sinclan's Uber is in the room.

I don't know if he's out there.

He can say anything.

He's on mute, probably.

But he's in the TeamSpeak room here.

Oh, okay, cool.

What's up, Uber?

How you doing, man?

Say something.

He's trying to come in.

We don't hear him.

I don't hear him.

Uber, Uber.

Uber's in the chat room.

Uber's in the TeamSpeak link.

There he is.

What's up, Uber, man?

How you doing?

Doing pretty good.

Good.

Pretty good.

I haven't talked to you in a while, man.

I hope you're doing good.

All right.

Good for you, Uber.

Uber's listening on the show.

Thank you, Uber.

Uber, what happened to Synclans.net?

Uber from Mayberry.

What happened to Synclans.net?

KR never paid the bill.

Oh, that sucks.

Alex K.R. screwed it up.

All right, well, I was about to give out Sinklans.net,

but there's really nothing there to go to.

Anyway, well, Sinklans, everybody, Sinklans.

If you want a clan.

Uber and Andy.

If you want a clan, go to Sinklans.

Uber and Mayberry.

That's right.

Contact Uber at Uber.com.

How about one more prank before we call it a night?

Contact them over by the gas station.

That's what you do, Milkman, whatever you say.

Milkman doesn't get an Uber.

It's okay.

Let's call this comic book store in California.

They confirmed about an hour ago

Let's see if they're still there

If not, I'm sorry

It's about time to quit the show

So we're going to do one more prank call here

Oh hell no, it's time to make some damn calls

We're doing one call

Quit laming out

We're going to do one call and then we're going to give our shout outs and goodbyes

I've got to be up tomorrow, I've got a medical test tomorrow morning

Unfortunately

Oh hell

This is the Dong Bu Comic Bookstore

In Rowland Heights, California

The Dong Bu Comic Bookstore

Store in Rowland.

Oh, God, this is going to be gay, and it's not going to be open this time of night.

What do you know, old man?

Yeah, I told you, right?

A comic book store for kids open at 9 at night?

Sure, why not?

Nah.

Come on, man.

Nah, this is a dead number, man.

Don't even waste your time.

Go out on a good number.

Whatever.

This is going to be it.

If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

Okay, everybody, hang on.

There's only one beer left.

No, call one of Lonesome.

That is one of Lonesome Losers, though.

Well, another one.

That don't sound any good.

We'll be right back after this.

See you, everybody.

I'm trying to get him to do some calls.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're wasting your time, man.

Call somebody.

I think they're good.

You can be such a...

I don't have no one else to call.

Joe Mamas.

All right, we'll try Joe Mamas.

Or a bitch.

Listen to one of the good old numbers.

I'm not...

I'm done with it, dude.

It's a night.

It's a night, so it's going to be time.

By the time we're done saying goodbye and talking bullshit, it's going to be 1 o'clock,

and that's when we end the show.

We can't go too long.

Hey, man, I'm not Zolar.

I don't go on until 2 or 3 in the morning.

I have a life.

You know what I mean?

Oh, my God.

I have the life.

Lex in the chat room is asking, what's the name of...

You are witnessing it now.

Quiet, you.

Lex is asking, what was the name of the Atari music we played before?

Did we play Atari music?

I don't remember.

Did we play Atari music?

Yeah, it was Convoy.

Convoy?

Convoy.

Go ahead, Rubber Duck.

Come here, Andy.

What's your 10-4?

10-20?

I don't know.

That's a good song.

We need to get that song.

We got a great big convoy.

It takes us through the night.

That's Andy's new song.

And Joop in the chat.

Everybody, we have breaking news, breaking drama in PCU now.

Another angle.

You know, PCU is turning into the WWE, into wrestling.

Joop reports he supports our show.

He listens every week.

he was out tonight and he says to tell my friend tell andy to chill he's being a cunt rag tell him

i'll piss in his mouth all this by jupe jupe who you can reach at jupe.com oh my god i don't get

you guys sometimes don't get his mom fired now andy i don't know lex is asking who's made by

what artist i do that i don't know what song it was tell help me help remind me what atari song

talking about bro when was it convoy what the fuck i didn't call convoy i don't have any i don't have

a convoy apple and he calls a jup a sensitive little toss so here it is everybody it's a new

fight in the chat room they both have op statuses they're probably both going to ban each other and

it's all going to go to hell in a handbasket any second now that's why we have to end the show

milkman how about our parting goodbyes for all these crazy people here who help us bring

What is it?

Uber is coming in.

Uber, what are you saying now?

Look at TeamSpeak for me.

TeamSpeak Shatter.

Okay.

Oh, shit.

Hang on.

I've got to maximize it here somewhere.

What, did you send me a number, dude?

No.

Oh.

Play the Party Boy Dance on from Jackass.

Scroll down.

Okay.

Battlefield Beta up on FP for download.

On FilePlanet.

Oh, that 2142 Battlefield?

That future Battlefield's up?

Yeah.

The beta of it?

No shit, really.

I'm going to have to download that, man.

Yeah, I'm downloading it right now.

Well, that sounds cool.

Is it a big file?

I'm going to be up all night.

Yeah, you know, I'm going to set the download.

1.2 gig.

1.2 gig?

Oh, that's a lot, dude.

Okay, all right.

I'll set that.

Okay, so that's over at fileplanet.com.

Is that the right one?

Is that where I need to go?

Fileplanet.com, Uber, anything?

Fileplanet.

Okay, well, there it is.

Everybody, you got your newsroom?

FP.com.

Okay, FP.com.

FilePlanet.com, everybody.

Be sure to check out the new demo, I guess, or the beta for Battlefield 2142.

The newest in the series of the Battlefield games.

That's really cool news.

I'm going to download that tonight and see if we'll play that tomorrow.

So that's breaking news for everybody.

All right, Milkman, who are we saying goodbye to?

Let's do a call, man.

Really, I'm not going to be able to stay up anymore.

We've got to end it.

Check the 420 room and see what I'm talking about.

Check the 420 room to see what I'm talking about.

We've got to end it now.

All right.

Come on.

Help me out here, dude.

Get us out of here.

10-4.

All right, man.

I know you've got a doctor's appointment.

Sorry, man.

You've got to pee in the cup.

Anyway, man, I want to give a big shout out and a big thank you to all our friends out

there that make this all possible.

Our good friend, Mr. Madman, provides us with this wonderful boxing ring here we call

IRC, the chat room.

you can knock somebody's teeth out

and come back laughing and smiling later

after your band's been left

be good

speaking with us is a privilege

and also Dr. Lega

oh my god, dear Dr. Lega

we love you

you provide us with this dream

we reach the currents of the world

with our voices and the power

of your servers, we thank you very much

for your kindness

and all your support

You're an integral part of this community of knuckleheads we call PCU.

Thank you so much, Dr. DeLego.

And, of course, our Cerebro of the Prank World, Katie Kay, the Invincible Legendary Prankster.

We thank you so much for all that you do.

We came up with the concept of all this, formed a community that we're all a part of,

and had the wisdom to realize that we were worthy and gave us a shot here

so that we can tickle your fancy.

Thank you, and God bless KDK.

Also, I want to thank Carlito, my wonderful sponsor, my fearless leader,

the leader, commander, and general and admiral of the Madhouse Militia.

We love Carlito.

Octoon Heil Hitler.

We love Carlito.

Also, Andy, coming in and stirring up shit.

Wipe Duke's ass and you guys get some makeup.

We love you.

Thanks for coming back and seeing us.

Thanks, Saigon.

Also, our friends over at SIN.

Thank you so much.

We love you.

Thank you, Misery.

Thank you, Madman.

Let me tell you who I really want to give out my big thank you to.

Jesus.

All of the listeners at PCU.

Damn, I thought you were going to say Jesus.

It is all about you.

Everybody here, we do it for you.

All right.

If it wasn't for you listeners, we wouldn't do it.

All right.

It's all about you.

Who else can we thank here, dude?

Remember, our Tuesday 29th, we're starting our new 420 2 p.m. afternoon show.

You want to light up your joints, your sleeves, come on in and give us some good numbers.

You're going to hear some fun ass shit, daytime calling action.

Yep.

Thank you, everybody.

And big Carlitos, take her away.

We love y'all.

So, Milkman, run me through.

We thank Mad Men.

We thank Dr. Lego.

We thank KDK.

Yep.

All right.

We thank everybody in the chat room.

We thank people who called in.

Dr. Lego called in.

Who else called in?

Andy called in.

Little Evil Neil called in.

Mad Men, enjoy your vacation.

Enjoy your little trip out there.

Andy, we could have thanked Clone Homegrown.

He had to leave.

He had to go.

but Clone Homegrown

thanks for being in

on the show

Milkman thank you

for the phone card

and for being here

with me man

I couldn't do it

without you

thank you Lonesome Loser

for sending in numbers

we want to thank

our Castro of Orlando

Castro of Orlando

I don't know

where you're going

with that but hey

I'll thank him

we'll thank everybody

thank God

thank Jesus

thank everything

everybody

be sure to visit

madhouselive.com

the show you just

listened to

will be available

the show you just

listened to

will be available on the podcast

by Sunday night.

You can get the podcast at

madhouselive.com. You can also

spread that around to your friends. Be sure to listen tomorrow

night. I don't think Zohar's

on tomorrow night, but maybe

Joop will be on. If not, Joop

does a great show.

Joops. Maybe Joops.

It's a weekend, and you're pretty well assured

something's going to happen. Yeah, exactly.

Saturday's KDK. Sunday night is

Sean Ward, maybe. Monday night is

Lego. Tuesday night is

is something, Wednesday is KDK, and Thursday we're back.

So there it is.

But what about Tuesday afternoon?

Tuesday afternoon is the first 420 party show.

Oh, yeah, that's right, first 420 show.

2 p.m.

2 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, that's right.

And that's it.

Well, everybody, thank you.

Behave yourselves, please.

Everybody, I pray tonight that there will be peace among all of you

and that we will all be okay.

We have other things to worry about in this life.

And all of our blessings and good thoughts to Mr. The Dead.

The Dead, yes, of course.

We do love you, and we wish only the best for you.

And Joop confirms, of course, he'll be on.

So Joops will be on.

I like calling him Joops now.

Joopsie Doodle.

Joopsie will be on tomorrow.

Joopsie Doodle.

Fucking shit.

Okay, everybody, have a good night.

Thank you very much.

Catch you next week.

I love you guys.

Love you guys.

I love you, Milkman.

I love you.

you Saigon your troublemaker take your easy man and thank you Saigon most of all

Oh, no, I ain't getting my number.

I got your dirty laundry.

I got your dirty laundry over here.

Who is it?

On my face.

Fuck, I'm in a race.

Can you stay in your car?

Can you get my car number?

Don't make me call the police.

I'm going to blackmail you.

So scared.

Turkey ass motherfucker, what's your problem now?

Drive turkey, you bitch.

You didn't hear, boy.

You drive turkey motherfucker.

Who the fuck is that?

What do you know?

Man, you can show me a place where I'm about to come whoop some motherfucking ass

because I don't even know who the fuck you're talking about.

How much are you going to charge, you guy?

Pick somebody up over here to the taxi tab.

Man, this ain't no motherfucking taxi.

I'm coming to fucking pick somebody up.

I'm going to whoop some goddamn ass.

I kick your ass, you son of a bitch, you and your goddamn mother.

What?

Your mother.

You motherfucking nigga, how you like that, you piece of shit?

I know the name, you son of a bitch.

You nigga, motherfucker.

How you like it, man?

What?

Look, let me just ask you real quick.

First of all shut down once you shut the hell up fuck you stupid bitch

We would give you a couple hundred dollars though

I'm sitting on your gas

Please do wash your hands

Yeah, I'm kind of like you have where you have to do this stuff. This is a very interesting radio

You have very interesting radio thing

You have that you know because like that's um, it just shows me that you have like nothing going

No, I got plenty. This is what we do, man

I do this all the time. I get lots of what you do like

Talk stupid. Yeah. Yeah, really, huh? People actually listen to this shit

Oh, hey, not everybody because anybody would have half a brain that I know don't listen

Anybody with half a brain would listen to this show instead of eating your shitty-ass pizza.

How old are you?

Thirteen.

Yeah, fucking right.

You sound like you're fucking eighteen or nineteen.

Thirteen, I said.

Yeah, right.

Yes, I was born thirteen years ago, last Friday.

I'm hanging up, and you better not call.

Do you have stripes in your underwear?

Do I have what?

Stripes in your underwear.

You are a sick fuck.

Come on, let me talk to your sister, man.

Be a pal.

No!

Have you ever seen your sister naked?

No!

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up

or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Calls (18, 49 min of 2 h 34 min)

Transcript

Comments 0