2006-08-29 Show

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Hey, everybody.

Good evening.

I already messed up.

Damn it.

Let's end the show.

Ruined it already.

What's up, everybody?

Good afternoon.

It is along with Milkman.

Milkman, say what's up.

Hey, what's up, Carlito, man?

whatever you say man and of course clone homegrown is here as well clone say what's up

what's up speak up a little bit clone can barely hear you just there we go hey but you you have a

lot less of a um of a background noise today what happened all right good and i got it out

good oh boy good deal good deal that always helps feels good to make a make a nice fart

and take a big shit sometimes too so that that's where it is well yeah so um so we're here the

water yes sir yes sir we're here everybody thank you we're gonna do a light show today

and we're gonna see what we accomplish i don't know what are our goals for today gentlemen a

few prank calls let's say right hopefully one or two to work i think that's definitely on the

agenda yeah good good good well anything else with anything we could talk about before we start

prank calls i mean what i got a hurricane on the way over here to where i live let us take a moment

and remember exactly one year ago today all the people that lost all their worldly possessions

in the fatal storm with katrina one year ago today folks what's that oh the hurricane last

year new orleans yeah the hurricane year ago today yeah that's something hell year went by

fly pretty fast i don't think it's gonna be a big deal we're getting i'm getting uh 50 to 60

mile per hour winds tomorrow morning i'm not too concerned about that that's nothing i i didn't

know that ain't too bad man get that all the time in the bathroom i do you hear the cops outside

already they're mobilizing getting ready and everything no seriously i was driving on the

highway last night and we saw some uh military trucks driving up and down the highway it was

It's kind of weird.

Never seen anything like that before.

They said USMC.

They weren't even National Guard.

They had the signs on them.

Big smoking activity here by this apartment.

10-4.

His name's Carlito.

Indian SA.

10-4.

Whatever you say, man.

Whatever you say.

Clone, what'd you say real quick about that?

They evacuate the houses in the city and search the houses for drugs.

Yeah.

Bastards.

It's not fair.

That's why I'm not.

That's why, Clone.

You would never evacuate in there.

Are you in a hurricane-prone area in Texas, or are you in the inland area, kind of?

No, I'm inland.

All right, so you're not really worried.

You wouldn't be worried about a hurricane as much, right?

More of the tornado worries here.

Yeah, tornadoes suck, man.

Texas tornadoes, Oklahoma, and all that shit.

Well, yeah, Milkman, of course, is like in the...

That's just teeny twensters.

Milkman still hasn't been hit by a hurricane, and he lives out there in the middle of the fucking Caribbean.

I don't get it.

I guess the trick is to just sit in the middle over there, you know?

Oh, man, don't even be talking such heresy.

You never know.

You never, never know.

Jonathan is complaining in the chat room, as usual, that the stream is skipping and lagging.

The stream is always skipping and lagging for Jonathan, but maybe it was.

It shouldn't be anymore.

If it is, I'm sorry.

But there it is.

Join the chat room.

Go to madhouselive.com.

How many?

We got people in the chat room, right, guys?

We're doing pretty good in there.

I see Andy's in there.

16.

Yeah, man.

We got about 50 people in there.

50 people.

okay dr lego yeah dude i'm being listened to yeah man uh 20 ending room only 20 i got uh 320 people

listening right now dude all over in the college campuses well i just got 800 hits on my stream

i just started yesterday oh yeah you started a stream yesterday yep what do you plan there

your your guitar do you just play your guitar on them no i just play like sounds of urinals

plush in and commodes and turds hitting the water urinals they don't really make that much of a

noise like a toilet yeah but if you get the microphone up close to them what kind of sign

is a bidet make it's like a water fountain i want a bidet man seriously i want to i want to invest

in a bidet it's going to be the new thing in america bidets so um i don't know i'm lighting

a cigar that's why i'm not talking you guys got to talk talk about something while i light this

stogie john cars is not even gonna get firing up a blunt no just a cigar to go with my

Yeah, well, better than going to a Thai prison for diddling some kids, you know?

He got his way out.

That's all he wanted.

Well, they caned him after death there.

They would, yeah.

They'd kill him, you know?

They caned him to death.

Yeah, so what do you get for child porn these days anyway?

A few years?

Three months and a...

A lot of cheap thrills.

Yeah, but for the rest of your life, you can't move somewhere without them knowing that you're a child molester.

or you know that you're a sexual offender but who's not gonna know he's a sexual offender anyway

at this point you know yeah john you know john carr is moving in is that his name john car whatever

car i call him car yeah you guys remember knight rider remember the evil the evil version of kit

and knight rider was named car just like him think about it think about it right there that's a

prophecy right there michael knight and kit tried to stop him way back before he did his kid yeah

they tried you don't remember him you don't think of her huh you guys don't know what i'm

talking about nightrider nightrider you don't remember nightrider at all milkman you never

watched nightrider yeah i remember you don't remember that evil version of that piece of

shit trans am yeah well there was an evil version of it called car i'm not admitting to that shit

though yeah you're not admitting that you watched it dude that's a great show yeah he ended up being

on uh baywatch yeah well he did my better for himself and then you know there's chips chips

Chips was a good show back in that time, too.

You know?

They don't...

We need...

Yeah, that was a good show.

We need a remake of Chips, man.

That would be great.

A movie version of Chips.

You know?

California Highway Patrol.

A reunion.

Yeah.

You can bring Ponch.

You know, you need a Ponch and a Baker.

You could probably get Ponch to play himself.

Yeah.

I'm sure you can.

Eric Estrada would probably play Ponch, still.

I'm sure he...

How else would you do it?

I don't know.

Yeah, he's probably glad to get off all them commercials.

Yep.

And all those telenovelas in Mexico.

All that shit.

What?

Yeah.

yeah yeah yeah well then what else can we uh let's do a prank what do we got number wise here

you got the drumsticks yeah i got that stuff from you okay uh what was your name in here

that's right we're over here our clone homegrown okay send for a guy who's giving out um firewood

and you also sent me a number for a guy who's giving out drumsticks free firewood and free

drumsticks okay what's maria you said ask for maria and you gave her her phone number what's

she doing is she giving out firewood or is that someone else okay there's a school that's giving

Giving out a LaserDisc player and science set.

Okay.

LaserDiscPlayer, man.

That never went anywhere, huh?

That guy pretty much got killed.

Yeah, well, DVDs killed it, you know?

A lot smaller.

Those LaserDiscs were like as big as an old record from Bookman's time.

Those were cool as hell, man.

Oh, yeah.

My mom has a whole set of them.

Smoke weed every day.

Yeah, man.

If you people want to reach us here on AOL Instant Messenger,

you can reach me at MadHouseRadio.

Yo, again, that's Madhouse Radio.

I got to turn on the toll-free line, guys.

You think anybody will call in on an afternoon?

I don't know.

Anybody who will be listening out there, be sure to.

Maybe one of the business prankers out there, you know, that wants their businesses pranked.

Yeah, maybe.

Be welcome to call in.

Maybe.

They're more than welcome.

You can reach us at 1-888-278-8509 tonight, today.

I'm going to be so used to saying tonight.

That's what I normally on at night.

But, yeah.

And the chat room is open.

everybody in the chat room

what's up to all of you

you can join the chat room

at madhouse

madhouselive.com

you can also go to kdkprankcalls.com

again that's kdkprankcalls.com

yes sir

that's right

join us now

join kdk and his gay ilk

and get a seat in the chat room

so let's call this

late

was he really he was on today well i don't know well that's good i didn't i didn't either it was

like no it was a recording oh it was a recording it was a recording one of their calls or something

okay well good yeah yeah yeah all right well let's yeah don't that's okay we're okay we're

safe we're good uh now this free firewood what's the 707 area code exactly find out here so i know

at least see if i can get a uh an idea of where it is that we're calling here 708 area code 708

area code 707 okay yeah that's what i meant 707 area code for it what's the state hang on i got

a reverse area code search here that gives me the state city and state that's what i'm looking for

here come on damn you i got a hose and i need to get that song you know that song i got a hose

and different area codes

it's an old

it's an old song

that's like Nate Dog

I got a whole

different area

how'd you get

my recipe

Fat Albert

you know we haven't

done a Fat Albert

call in a while

we ought to call

somebody there

Carnito

so this is our

first afternoon show

in a while

and we haven't done

one since like

March

I think it was

March early March

late February

I think was our

last afternoon show

so we're looking

forward to that

I don't know how

we'll do with that

Lonesome Loser

in the house

because he works

Okay, are you all right, Milkman?

You're really, uh...

Well, it's almost 420.

You sound very happy today.

You sound more chipper than you really are.

I'm so happy I can shit, Carlito.

Okay, you're happy as the shit.

Great, good for you.

It's 420, everybody light up.

It's 420, bing, bing, bing, bing.

Fire up, fire up now, fire up.

Woo, woo!

Okay, this bitch, I'm sorry,

these people giving out the firewood

are in Santa Rosa, California.

Now we have an idea of where they're at.

Yeah.

I heard a rip.

I heard somebody ripping one.

Oh, yeah?

Hang on.

Let me get that.

I'm really off today.

Smoke weed every day.

There we go.

Now, let's play the first song of the day.

Play the first song of the day and the first prank of the day.

I don't know how it is.

Well, this is an honor of you.

Patty cake, patty cake, baker man.

Here comes the first prank call of the day.

We're going to get some free firewood.

Oh, boy.

Right back after this.

Kill me with that guitar, man.

Make that noise again.

Plink.

Oh, this is the drumsticks, by the way.

The other one was busy.

Thanks for calling East Bay Drums.

We're open Monday through Friday, 11-7-11-30.

You lazy bastards.

It's a message.

Lazy bastards.

It's supposed to be open still.

It's not 7 o'clock yet.

Anyway, Milkman, cut the guitar, man.

We got music playing in the background.

It sounds all whack-a-jod.

We're all whoppy-jod and whack-a-jod, man.

Hello.

And Milkman's making weird noises.

So, yeah, the toll-free line's open.

and 1-888-278-509.

So we've tried two numbers

and they're all busy.

That sucks.

The two numbers we've tried

are busy,

so we'll keep trying.

Indiscriminated was confirming

that the 707 area code

was California,

so 707 area code

wasn't California.

That's fine.

I have a lot of positive feedback

from people who are saying

they're listening to us.

Again, they're on AOL Instant Messenger

and you can reach me

at Madhouse Radio.

Yay.

LSD High asked me

me what happened to fucking pcu i don't know what you mean uh britain ramirez is happy that we're on

and he likes the intro and insane jedi says yay skull and bone says awesome the dead says oh

and indiscriminator says california so there it is we have uh how many people yeah hello

california we have 39 people listening on our extended network on pcu on madhouse radio and

And, of course, on T-Big Radio.

39 people listening.

Not bad.

I can take that.

Man, we ain't going on no block number.

What the hell is this damn T-Bag Radio, man, condito?

What's this shit, man?

Is this some anti-man shit or what?

No, it's just some people out there, and they listen to music on iTunes, and they listen

to us in turn, and we thank them.

New News is begging me to call Tim Searcy.

All right, then.

We like T-Bag Radio.

Right, we do.

New News is asking me to call Tim Searcy before he leaves at 5 p.m.

He's the American Teleservices Association guy

We've talked to him before

They get a lot of pranks to be creative

You're supposed to have some special numbers for us

He says he's just come back from Australia

Well that's excellent

How about that

Any ideas for Tim Searcy here

He just came back from Australia

I call from the consulate or something

Ask him if he can start marketing

Maybe internet marketing Vegemite

In the United States market

I don't know

We gotta come up with something

Something about his vacation in Australia

Ask him what he wants to do about the fucking Aborigine's baby.

The Aborigine's baby?

You have to put this baby here.

Okay.

Let's try that.

You got a baby.

You got to do something about this baby.

Let's try to get a hold of him.

Hang on, folks.

Tim Searcy coming up.

I failed to mention, it's been 420 for about five minutes now, so.

I mean, it's 420 the whole time the show's on, baby.

This is a 420 show.

So feel free to fire up.

Yeah, Tim Searcy, please.

He is in a play show.

Um, I can wait.

Um, your name?

Gonzalez.

Call.

He's been, but they might call you, sir.

One second, okay.

Don't get snippy with me.

I'm sorry?

Don't get snippy with me.

Okay.

Did I stutter?

Might be able to take your call right now.

Why is that?

Because my last name is Gonzalez, right?

I'm sorry, who are you again?

Well, actually, my real name is Raul Smith, and it was a test to see your validity and

the fact that he won't answer the phone for a man named Gonzalez.

What was your name again?

That has nothing to do with it, Mr. Smith, Gonzalez, whatever it is.

Smith-Gonzalez. Now, my name has to have Gonzalez in it, does it now?

The simple fact is that he's actually away from his desk and he's gone right now.

What is your full name, please?

My name is Ryan Berry.

Berry?

Yeah.

B-E-R-R-Y?

And if you must know, we actually have a Raphael Manzone that works with me very closely and is in this office.

So I don't think it has anything to do with the validity of your name.

Oh, some of your best friends are Hispanic then now.

No, actually...

How convenient.

Oh, he's not your best friend?

He's not your best friend?

No, he's a co-worker.

He's a co-worker.

Why can't he be your friend?

Because his last name is Hispanic?

That has nothing to do with it.

Sir, you understand this is horrible.

Horrible, horrible, horrible.

That you as a person and your boss as a person will not speak to me because of my ethnicity.

I'm speaking to you.

You're speaking to me, but you're trying to rush me off the phone.

No, I'm not.

I heard what you said under your breath when you thought I was on hold.

When I couldn't hear you.

I heard what you said.

What was that?

I'm not going to repeat those kind of words right now, but I know exactly what it is that you meant to say.

No, tell me what it was.

Didn't I tell you not to get snippy with me?

with me.

Actually, you did tell me

not to get snippy with you.

And you're going to get snippy

with me right now, sir?

No, I'm not.

If you want to have a...

What do you...

So this isn't snippiness

to you at all?

You do not think

you're being snippy at all?

No, sir.

What would you describe it as?

Short?

Rude?

No, sir.

Racist?

Sir?

Racist.

Come on.

Not in any way, shape, or form.

All right, so go ahead

and I need two references

from you and your

social security number, please.

You are speaking to

the wrong person

about racism.

The wrong person.

Okay, well, moving on

from that, I need two

racist, and your social security number

so I can pull a credit check on you.

Who do you think you're talking to? Raul.

Please refer to me as, you know,

start with Mr. and then my last name.

Mr. Smith.

Mr. Smith. Now it's Mr. Smith.

When are you going to decide what my last name is?

How many times do I have to tell you what my last name is?

You told me your last name was really Smith

and that you wanted to prove a point

by saying your name is Gonzalez.

What is it? If you want to be truthful and honest...

It's Gonzalez Smith.

Gonzalez hyphen Smith.

Not Smith Gonzalez.

Gonzales. The English name doesn't have to come first, you know.

Okay, Mr. Gonzales.

You're a sick person.

What's your mother's maiden name?

How can I help you today?

I want to know your mother's maiden name.

Mother's maiden name?

Yes. Harris?

Yes.

That sounds German.

Could be.

I see where this is all coming from.

Yeah, you want to know my father's name?

Yeah.

Two?

Yeah. Well, I'm still waiting for two references who can vouch that you're not a racist.

Well, my sister and my girlfriend can't.

They don't count. You can't use your... and you don't have a girlfriend, number two.

I know with that voice you don't have a girlfriend.

Anyway, you can't use family or loved ones.

Who do I live with then?

Professional references.

The girl I live with.

She's whoever you're using right now for whatever it is that you're using her for.

I need two professional references, people that you work with or work on a professional basis.

Okay, how about Rafael Menzo?

Okay, can you transfer me to him, please?

I'm the only one in here right now, buddy.

You're the only one in there.

Then why did you say you were trying to get Tim Searcy on the line?

Because I had to check to see whether his line was being forwarded or not so I could transfer you to him.

You said you were checking to see if he was taking calls, and you said it was away from his desk.

Right, and therefore his phone was ported to him.

That's not how you said it to me.

You said that he couldn't take my call.

Why didn't you say you were going to forward my call?

Don't get snippy with me.

Okay, what is the purpose of your call today?

To speak to Tim Searcy and to prove that you are a racist to him.

Because let me tell you something, Tim Searcy does not have any tolerance for racism.

I'll let you know that right now.

I play golf with him.

Do you? When?

All the time.

Yeah?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, where?

Excuse me sir, July 13th was the last time I played golf with him

And I also played golf with him in Australia

When he was on vacation recently

Okay, great

So what, you think a Hispanic man can't get on a golf course?

Is that what it is?

Unless I run the bags around, run the clubs around

Wash the balls, is that what I do?

Because I'm Hispanic? Am I the help?

You do realize that he's not in Australia on vacation

He was there on busy golf

He definitely played, you know, at night time

You know when the lights go down

Me and him on Sydney on the town

Let me tell you what, that's a vacation right there

Okay, okay.

Yes, sir.

So how can I help you today?

I don't know.

I just called, you know, I'm letting you know that you're a racist.

And I want to speak to Tim seriously about that right now.

I'm glad you feel that way.

I'm like good friends with you.

You're disgusting.

Don't say we love that.

I'll speak to Mr. Mendoza, is it?

That's like the most made-up Hispanic name I've ever heard of, but...

Have you ever been to our website?

All the time.

It's named directly from the website, you know.

I don't believe you.

You don't even have a website that I find legitimate.

I don't recognize your website, and I don't recognize your charter, either.

My charter?

Exactly.

And I don't even pay...

You know what? I don't believe in paying taxes, and I won't.

Because I'm Hispanic. I don't have to pay taxes.

Actually, that's not true.

This isn't my country. I'm just here to make money. That's it.

It doesn't mean I have to pay taxes. I don't think so, at least.

Okay.

Well, there it is.

Do you pay taxes?

Yeah.

How much do you pay in taxes this week?

This week.

How about last year?

Your business.

Did you have a tax return? Did you get a check back?

Nope.

You didn't? So you're paying taxes still?

Yep.

You know why?

Because the government found out you were cheating them out of taxes.

You didn't pay all your taxes like you were supposed to on time.

A real American would add a little extra in that box on the tax form when you first start your job

just to make sure you pay it all on time.

Did you pay interest?

Nope.

You didn't, right?

You know, we're not going to get anywhere with people like you.

People like me who come to this country, we break our back and we work and we don't pay taxes,

we're the people who are really running this country.

If it wasn't for us not paying our taxes and working for you for free without paying taxes,

I don't know what you guys would do.

Okay.

You know?

Would you actually like to speak with Mr. Zanell?

Sure, I'm ready to speak with him.

Okay, one second.

Let me see if I can get him on the phone for you, okay?

Whatever.

Mr. Mendoza, a friend of Tim is playing golf with him in Australia,

and he would like to verify that, or at least tell you that I'm a racist.

That bastard hung up on me.

Hang on, guys.

Let me get you off of mute here.

We've got to get something quicker with that.

Milkman, what are your thoughts on that?

That was okay.

That was a great call, man.

I like to hear Mendoza.

Yeah, man.

I don't know.

I waited.

I heard nothing.

Then I heard a click.

I was trying to tell you, but you wouldn't listen to me, to ask for the second in charge.

Oh, yeah. Hey, Dr. Suckbag's coming. Call in. Hang on.

Go ahead. You're on the air.

Yeah, National Hurricane Center Authority of America.

Is this Mr. Mendoza?

Yeah. Listen, I just wanted to tell you that the hurricane is not a big deal this time.

I know. I'm happy about it, too. I can't wait.

And you're lucky.

I'm lucky? Because next time you're going to send one at me, that's going to be even worse.

Yo, dude, let me ask you something.

What?

What's up, man?

I'm smoking a cigar, listening to you talk on the phone. What's up with you?

Yo, you know, I had enough after last night.

Well, you had a good show last night, man.

Yeah, you liked it?

I thought it was interesting.

I thought it went in a lot of different directions.

It wasn't the best show we've done, but I thought it was interestingly enough.

Have you heard it again since you did it?

No, I'm about to put it up.

That's what I'm telling you.

Once you do that, you're going to see it was a good show.

Yeah, you like it?

It was good?

Yeah, it was a good show.

Coming from you, that means a lot.

Yeah, especially at the end, when Saigon called in.

Oh, was that Saigon?

Yeah, it had to be Saigon.

We're pretty sure it was Saigon.

What?

We're pretty sure it was Saigon, yeah.

Why? Who else would it have been?

He had a lot of PCU knowledge,

and Saigon was chatting away in the chat room like mad,

except for the period of time when he was on the phone with you.

So we're pretty sure that it was Saigon.

Pretty sure.

I'd give it like an 89% chance it was Saigon,

but we'll never know.

I do have a phone number on the guy,

unless he spoofed it.

I don't think he spoofed it.

Unless he was using a credit calling card.

Yeah.

Because if not, I want that guy on my show every week.

Yeah, he was great.

If it wasn't him, I don't know.

If it is, I got a lot older than I thought he was, but hey.

It was the highlight of the show.

I was very impressed the way he ran his rants and his raves.

You know, he was dissing the Jews, but you know what?

It's okay.

Who else, you know?

The Jews can take a nice ribbon.

It's all right.

Yeah.

I mean, you know, the bottom line is, you know,

he's talking about like the Jews are blowing up all the people in Lebanon.

I mean, I didn't really, I thought about it after we hung up.

But, you know, I didn't get to tell him that, well, it was Lebanon that started in with us, though, with the Jews.

It was Hisbola, not Lebanon, but you got a point.

Whatever the fuck it is.

Well, and it's not the same thing.

You're not Israeli.

You're not Israeli, man.

Come on.

You're an American Jew.

You're an American.

Well, so are you.

Yeah, I'm not even Hispanic, Puerto Rican.

You know what I mean?

I don't, like, go around, like, saying, oh, Puerto Rico this, Puerto Rico that.

I'm here.

If I was living in Puerto Rico, I'd worry about it.

You know, you've never been to Israel.

You know what I notice about Spanish people in general?

When they get pissed off, like when a Spanish guy gets pissed off at another guy, he says homie a lot.

Homie?

Yeah, he's like, yo, what's up with that homie?

Really?

Yeah, I notice that a lot.

Why is that?

I don't know.

Do you say that?

I don't say homie.

I try not to say it.

Not when I'm upset.

I try to sound articulate and educated.

Yeah, I understand.

I happen to notice when a Spanish guy gets upset, he's like, yo, what's up with that homie?

Yeah.

Hey, was that Kim on the phone last night with you, or was that some...

Which one?

There was some lady who was on the phone doing a prank, and I was wondering if it was Kim or not.

That was Laura.

Laura?

Laura was on the phone with us, and then we had Amanda.

Uh-huh.

Amanda's the one who likes to get spanked.

Okay.

All right, I remember that now.

Right.

Yeah, Amanda.

Now, she, you know, I give her an E for effort.

You see her, if you go to my MySpace page, you can look like her.

I mean, she's a kid on the treadmill, but, you know, she's not a bad girl.

Not bad.

Not bad at all.

Hey, you smoke cigars, dude?

You know what, dude?

I used to smoke them when I was like six, seven years old, and then I gave it up.

You smoked cigars when you were six, seven years old, and then you gave them up?

Yeah.

That's unfortunate, man.

You should pick them up.

It's a highly entertaining thing to do.

And I'm smoking a cigar now that was made in Nicaragua.

Yeah?

Yeah.

That's legal.

Clown chimes in.

That's legal.

That's awesome.

I've had a Cuban cigar before, though, when I was on a cruise, and you can buy them out,

you know, other countries, and I smoked a Cuban cigar.

It wasn't a big difference.

It wasn't a big deal.

I was like, whatever.

Just tasting another cigar.

To me

they were illegal.

Well, I'm sitting here at my office, I had gotten your IM, and I saw you were doing a

show, and I just wanted to intrude and say that...

Intrude?

You and KDK with intrusion stuff, man.

I wanted to intrude on you and tell you that, you know, you're probably one of the best

prank callers I've ever, best prank caller I've ever listened to.

I'll be honest with you, you know, today, I'm not in a good mood, I had some bad news

earlier this week, but you know what, I said, I promised the people that I was going to

do a show this afternoon, I started later than normal, but here I am, me, Clone, and

you, and Milkman, I guess, we got a lot of people listening for an afternoon, we got

43 people listening, it's going up, 44 people right now.

That's good.

Not bad.

And the pranks haven't been stellar yet, but we're just trying.

We have some losers at work, but we have a whole bank of new songs.

Not songs, fucking numbers we can try.

I want to let you know I'm about to launch a new stream.

Okay.

No, it's a prank call stream.

It's what I was trying to do a few weeks ago, but I got everything all situated.

It's prankcallradio.com.

And I don't want pranks separately.

I want your entire shows.

Entire episodes?

Yep.

because the purpose of this network is to play all the shows in their entirety.

That's what I want to do.

Interesting.

So get me whatever best shows you can.

You want to send them to me through one of those file sharing things, that's fine.

And then the other thing I'd like to start doing with this is when you do your show,

I want you to simulcast it.

Okay.

I'm advertising this through total different streams in KDK,

and I'm going to try and generate a whole new audience for us as well.

Right, well, that might work.

My shows are all up, you know, on my website.

If you click on podcasts, you can download them individually.

Oh, so I can just download them there, MP3 format?

You hit the podcast link, right, and all the episodes list right there.

You hit where it says play now.

That's an MP3 link right there.

You can right-click and save, or you can double-click it and play.

That's perfect, that's all I need.

And what's for their 44.1?

I put them there in 64K MP3.

I don't know.

Hey, what's a good sample rate converter?

Do you have a good software for that?

Not really.

I just use, you know, the whole plug-ins for Winamp is really what I use for that.

Other than that, I don't really get into it, dude.

I got you.

I'm with you.

Yeah.

All right, well, good, good.

Then we'll start archiving some of those.

Good luck with that.

You're probably pissed off.

Sound Forge is good.

You know, I do have Sound Forge, but I never use it.

Sound Forge is good.

Okay.

What's the other one?

What's the one that got bought out by Adobe?

Adobe, what's that old one?

Cool Edit Pro?

Yeah, Cool Edit Pro.

Cool Edit.

Oh, yeah, I don't want to use that.

Audition.

All right.

Yeah, Adobe Audition.

And you were about to say, I'm probably going to piss off KDK, but no, KDK is the one.

Okay.

I'm just telling you, watch out, man.

Yeah, no, no, no.

He knew that I was putting up that stream, and then I had all kinds of technical issues

with one of my servers, so I had to pull it down, and now I'm putting it back up,

and the purpose of this stream is not to go in competition with KDK, because KDK's

stream plays pranks individual pranks my stream or it's going to be a p i mean it's going to you

know it's totally going to advertise pcu underground i mean if he if he wants to be a

penis about it just because i'm the king of prank calls he can't deal with that if he wants to be a

penis about that and not be cool about it that's up to him but i'm just saying that i'm putting

his shows up everybody's shows are going up there on their entirety okay and that's the you know

that's the purpose so if you feel like listening to individual pranks bam there you go you feel

You like listening to shows that you've missed?

There you go.

Yeah.

But we've got to get the podcast going, too, for PCU, man.

Yes, we do.

We've got to figure it out logistically.

One thing at a time, bro.

I mean, you know, I'm at work.

I've still got a lot of work here to do today.

You know, it's like we can only do so much.

But I saw your IM me, which was very sweet and everything.

You thought about me.

Well, I am everybody on my list.

But, yeah, no problem, man.

You're on my list.

You're a big Nick.

Well, hey, I'd invite you to do a prank, but you sound busy.

If you want to do a prank.

I'm going to go.

And I want you to rip it up

And since you're in a bad mood

I really want you to fuck people up

Milkman has a question

Milkman, go ahead

Ask Dr. Lego if he's going to get hooked up with me later on today

Ask Dr. Lego if he's going to get hooked up with me later today

He asked

Yeah, tell him

I'm doing actually a financial radio show tonight

From 7 to 8

You're doing what?

I do a financial radio show

Dude, where?

It's at yourmoneyshow.com

Are you serious?

Yeah, you can call in and prank him

No, I'm not going to prank.

I'll listen to it, though.

Seriously?

Yourmoneyshow.com?

Yeah, yourmoneyshow.com.

Holy shit, dude.

That's awesome.

Look that up on the old lappy top over here.

Yeah, pretty cool.

Okay.

But after that...

We're going to do that tonight, and then at 8 o'clock I'll be free.

Hit me on IM, and I have that software, and I just got to send it over in the sharing.

10-4.

Great, man.

Hey, listen.

If I wanted to have my own chat room, my own IRC chat room, how do I do that?

you know

I don't know

I know the software

to run

you know

Madman can tell you

in a second

he'll probably set it up

for you if you want

but it's not that hard

at all

as long as you have

the box to put it on

to run it on

the IRC server

dude I got boxes

up the ass

I know

he can tell you

what to download

and put on there

I think it's all

Linux stuff

but he'll tell you

in 10 seconds

if not

just do a search

for real quick

how to IRC server

chat server

it'd be faster

to get it from

somebody who knows

how to do it

there you go

Madman's the man

I'll call Madman

to get in touch with me

He's in there right now, dude.

Just jump in the chatroom.

We'll quick talk to him.

We'll hook you up.

All right, my neighbor.

All right, homeboy.

Have a good night.

And don't work too hard.

I'll try to hit you back.

Are you doing a show tonight?

No, no, no.

I'm probably going to stop around here sometimes, 6.30, 7 o'clock Eastern.

Is anyone going on tonight?

On a Tuesday night?

I don't think so.

We need to get somebody on Tuesday.

I'm going to see if I can get Joey Boots to do tonight.

Joey Boots?

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

All right, man.

All right, dude.

Take care.

Later.

Bye.

Dr. Lego everybody

Dr. motherfucking Lego

Yeah

Clone you there man

You had a dog

I thought you had a

The dog's out there after you

The dog sniffing

No that was my cat

It was your cat

That just happened

It sounds like a German shepherd

He's over here

Fuck man

He's on steroids

Oh man

Fucking police dogs

Anybody

You guys ever been bit by a police dog

Clone

You ever in your adventures now?

Milkman, you ever been bit by a police dog?

I'd like to bite a police dog.

Sure you would.

You're interested in getting your mouth full of dog meat.

I'm sure you are.

I'd like to eat a hot dog.

I'd love to eat a hot dog right now.

I love Dr. Legos.

The kosher hot dog.

And tight drug.

I got to get back cap.

That damn dog, he's got a hard time with me.

Yeah, man, you know that, I'm sorry, excuse me, I'm tired.

part of the problem with me today. I sound down

and everything, man. I'm sorry, guys. I'm trying.

I'm trying. You know, sure

enough, I'm checking out here on the

Madhouse laptop. Your Money Show

is a financial talk show every Tuesday

night at 7 p.m. So that's

yourmoneyshow.com. Right on.

We should listen to that.

A Jew with the money show.

You know, he's probably just the Jew.

That's what they call him.

And now on the line is the Jew, the Jew who's

running the economy in a bunker under his

house the jew and fucking jews huh gotta love the jews though without the jews we would not have the

atomic bomb everybody and that's a fact the fact call john calvert who's john calvert he just

answered his phone who's john calvert he's one of them religious fanatics oh yeah he sent you his

number he is a guy he is the guy in charge of promoting intelligent design tell him that your

name is mr snake you're a talking snake and you think intelligent design is a good thing well

Well, that's interesting, Mr. Snake.

He said it's hard to get a hold of him.

I know who he's talking about.

It should be a good call.

Good, good.

Well, let's see if he...

Just stretch it.

Let's see if he wants to talk to Mr. Snake.

Don't go in for the kill right away.

Do we have any Snake music?

No, we don't.

Damn, man.

Okay, whatever you say, man.

I got a song here I can play.

It means Snake and Indian.

Rap than a bully.

All right, let's try to get a hold of this dude.

John Calvert.

He believes in intelligent design,

which means he doesn't believe in evolution.

Dr. Jew and the Money Show, Dr. Lego, right back after this, it's 4.52 p.m. Eastern, Madhouse Radio.

John Calvert.

Yes, hello, Mr. Calvert.

Yes, hi, sir, this is Mr. Snake.

Hi.

Hi, I was just interested in your intelligent design.

Yeah.

As a talking snake, I'd like to let you know that I think your intelligent design is a good thing.

Snake?

Mr. Snake.

Your telephone number?

My phone number is

888-278-8509

Have a good day

Thank you

Oh my god he has my phone number

Watch out everybody

He's gonna call these

He's gonna call

It's over your line

Oh no

Panic everybody

I'll answer this fat Albert

If he calls in

Hello this fat Albert

Hey hey

How can I transfer your call

Switch over to John Masterson

Jack Masterson

Snake Roberts

This is Jake the Snake Roberts

Everybody

Jake the Snake Roberts

Is he still alive

We need to get

get new new man yeah he's an alcoholic he's a weird guy i used to look up to him when i was a

kid though man jake the snake roberts that was what's your favorite wrestler growing up clone

did you have one did you watch it at all uh the von eric's the hell is that never heard of him

yeah that's all kevin von eric fits von eric really sounds old i thought it was one of the

newer ones well shows what i like wrestling yeah buddy i'm uh i'm an old hulkamaniac they all

all killed themselves. Yeah, they all

they've all, I mean, if

and they're all, the ones that are still alive

are all really wrecked up from years

of doing that kind of shit, you know?

I mean, he can't be getting to the body. Fucking wrestling, dude.

That's something right there. Yeah, hey, you know

I have this phone number for some dude.

I probably lost it by now. He plays Jesus

here in Orlando at a theme park.

I lost it, though. Pretty sure I lost it by now.

Forgot his name. Yeah, I'm sure.

No, it was like Chip something. His name was something

something. Anyway,

Jonathan says, Jonathan's

Jonathan in the chat room. Speaking of

old Southern boys. Jonathan says

Hey, I got a prank for you to do. His name is

Pete Smith. He's the shop foreman

for the Bus Barn. He gets mad

when people call him Cheese Boy

and everybody makes fun of him under his

blah and don't say my name

when you do the call. Okay, so don't

say anything about Jonathan. Okay,

I got you. Skull and Bones says his

favorite wrestler was Roddy, Roddy Piper.

You know what? I'd have to agree with that.

I really like Roddy, Roddy Piper a lot.

But he was awesome.

Good wrestler.

Insane Jedi on Madhouse, on AOL, where you can reach us at Madhouse Radio, says,

Live from Crackhatten.

Okay.

Andy says, Lego says, Wah.

Call the Minuteman org as Minuteman org as Eddie.

Tell him I'm anti-Israeli.

Okay.

Is there a phone number for Minuteman.org?

I don't know.

I'll have to look into that.

Those Minuteman, those, what are they called?

Militiamen?

Milkman?

Weren't you one of those ones?

That's right, buddy.

We patrol the border, man.

The border and the Virgin Islands.

That's right, man.

We look for them beans floating around.

Okay.

We're running dry on numbers here.

Tell you what, guys.

Let's go to the Lonesome Loser archives.

The old numbers from Lonesome Loser.

Give me a place you want to call.

Let's try either a place, you know, like a country, like either England or something,

or a kind of restaurant or store or something, and I'll see what I can find here.

Shoot for anything sushi.

Sushi.

Let's see if we have any sushi here.

Sushi restaurants that we've confirmed last year or so.

I just spelled sushi wrong.

I spelled it suhi.

Sushi.

Okay.

Let's see here.

It's searching and nothing.

No sushi.

Damn it, man.

Yeah?

Okay.

Date within the past year.

Okay.

Let's see what anti-drug sent me then.

Anti-drug.

He sent me a number for someone in Orlando.

Okay.

Secrets Adult Superstore.

Golden Gate Adult Superstore

Helpers

The Mentally Retarded

The hell is that

Helpers

The Mentally Retarded

We also got

Palm Tree Home

Slash Retarded Boys

I don't get it

Well we'll call

Helpers

The Mentally Retarded

Let's try that

Hang on folks

Here comes that call

Right now

Yeah

Good afternoon Helpers

Hello it's Helpers

Yes

Helpers

What do you do exactly there

We raise money

For the Mentally Retarded

The Ment

What do you have to call

A retarded yo

Look who's calling

I don't like you calling

People retarded yo

Yo, that's messed up.

Why you got that?

That's here.

Yo, that's messed up.

Yo, why you got to call them retarded?

Who is it?

You know they're listening, right?

Well, they're not listening.

Yeah, they are.

They know what you're saying when you call them retarded.

Would you like to talk to our director?

Yeah.

About it?

Well, don't make, transfer me.

Come on.

Transfer you?

Yeah.

Well, she's at this number.

Take it down and call her.

No, don't give it out, yo.

She's listening.

What are you talking about?

Yo, don't be retarded.

She's listening.

Who is this?

Come on.

Let me talk to her, yo.

She's at a different number

What's the phone number

Y'all don't give it out

Damn it I should have gotten it from her

That was stupid

Why were we laughing at that

Call her back

Tell her you was retarded there

Yeah right

Let's try the other retarded place

I'm sorry I'm retarded

I'm sorry

I didn't know

What's going on with the hurricane

Milkman give us a

Milkman I need a hurricane update

You said you had that ready

Go ahead

Hurricane update

Hurricane will miss Orlando, but we'll revisit Washington, D.C.

Yay!

We're going to end up getting hurt at first.

This country needs an enema, and I think the hurricane might be a good one.

No, but seriously, I don't know what the fuck's going to happen with the hurricane.

Probably nothing.

Are you guys worried about me?

Should I evacuate?

A big blowjob.

I'm going to save.

I just evacuated everybody.

Just stick your peter out the door.

I'm on the second floor.

It's okay.

I'm on the second floor.

or it's more than fine.

We'll be okay here, everybody.

Don't worry.

Yeah, yeah.

You guys still feeling the show?

Should we continue on and all that good stuff?

Shall we?

Let's do some calls, man.

Let's try Jonathan.

Hell yeah.

Let's try to call this guy Pete Smith.

He's a shop foreman.

How you redneck sending your number here to 420, man?

I tell you what, man.

You sure got a problem with authority there, buddy.

420 here he is.

Oh, yeah.

We still got 18 minutes.

Yeah, and then...

Clone Homegrown is going to be ringing in the 420 in a little bit here.

We'll get the...

Clone Homegrown.

We'll get the new Batman.

Okay, well, let's play some music, and we'll get that next call.

We're going to call this guy, Pete Smith.

Hang on, everybody.

Pete Smith.

This is Pete.

Hey, Pete.

Hey.

Hey, I need to speak to my...

Someone told me to give a call here for some guy named Cheese Boy.

Cheese Boy?

Yeah, someone said to call Cheese Boy over here about the bus.

I don't know nothing about that.

Do you know Cheese Boy?

Is he there?

Do you know who that would be?

This is...

This is School Transportation.

Excuse me, what?

This is Bay District School Transportation.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, we're calling you about the bus.

I was told to ask for Cheese Boy.

What bus it is?

Bus number 12.

No.

It was in for maintenance a few months ago, and it's completely messed up.

The filter wasn't changed on it, about half the oil that it was supposed to have in it.

Bus number 12?

Yeah.

We don't have a bus number 12.

Well, they said Cheese Boy worked on it.

Do you know anybody here by the name of Cheese Boy?

You got the wrong place.

Mr. Smith, don't give me the runaround and be a man for once

and put Cheese Boy on the line or I'm going to have you reported.

I'll tell you what, my friend, I'm fitting to hang up on you

because we don't have a Cheese Boy here, and I am the shop.

I'm going to die.

Okay, what an asshole.

Please enter your destination.

That was him, right?

I'm going to call him on the other line.

Hang on, I'm going to call him on the other line.

The Nextel customer you are trying to reach is currently unavailable.

Please try your call again later.

PFL 0103.

He's got the damn phone stuck up his ass

Fucking cheese boy

I wonder why they call him cheese boy

I want to know the story behind that

Cheese

Cheese dogs are nasty

Yeah man those are those hot dogs

They put the cheese in it

They inject it with cheese

Those are so vile man

Those are nasty as shit

Man

You take a bite and then you get like a

Cheese flirt in your mouth

Yeah.

Hey, everybody.

Andy.

Andy's in the chat room.

Hey, you too, clone.

Andy's in the chat room, and he just sent me something interesting.

He sent me a number, I think, here for a 24-hour live operator for Minuteman.org.

And I believe these people are like those people who are pulling the borders on their own volition.

Oh, militia.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

They patrol the border for, you know, the regular gun nuts who patrol the American border and stuff.

and he sent me

he sent me their

he sent me their website

let me take a look at it here

let me play some music here

while I bullshit for a little bit here

and he says that we should call

I should call as Eddie, Eddie Garcia

and say that I captured

a immigrant coming into the country

that sounds like fun

they captured one of the Minutemen

too

you always got an American flag and there's a white guy

Yo they getting crazy

He tell me he's a damn minute man

Yeah

He keep saying he's one of you

Well fuck that

He's an immigrant yo

I should

I should tell him

I captured a minute man

Crossing the border

Into Mexico

Yo I'm trying to return your

I'm trying to return your cracker

Something like that

Hang on

Fucking site's not open in here

He said he'd give me

A place to stay

And he hooked me up

He said call you

I'm hungry

Okay here it is

Hang on.

The Minuteman Project is a citizens' vigilance operation monitoring immigration business and government.

They will accept no assistance from separatists, racists, or supremacy groups.

Okay, well, that's good to know.

And he gave me their 24-hour live operator.

Okay, so yeah, these are the people who are being vigilant.

Americans doing the job that Congress won't do,

operating within the law to support enforcement of the law.

So I guess these people are just the ones that watch the border.

Interesting.

Interesting enough.

Yeah, they want to be there.

They want to be Border Patrol, basically.

And they're open.

So let's try to get a hold of them.

We'll be right back with the next prank call.

Just a moment.

You're listening to the Madhouse Afternoon Special.

Good afternoon.

Thank you for calling the Minuteman Project.

Yo, what's up?

Yo, is this the 24-hour line?

Yes, it is.

Yo, I just got someone coming over the border.

Can I ask who's calling, please?

Yo, my name's Eddie Garcia. I was in the army.

You got my name?

Eddie Garcia.

Yeah, so...

I.E.

Private First Class Eddie Garcia, yo.

Private First Class?

Yeah, kid.

May I have your phone number, area code first, please?

No, yeah, well, look, check it out.

Real quick, what happened, yo?

I got kicked out of the army, right?

So, yo, I've just been chilling up here,

and then I see some dude crossing the border.

I said, yo, what's up, man?

And he said, yo, he said something.

I don't understand, you know?

And then he said he's with these people and shit and all that.

He's in my car right now, right?

In your car right now?

I got the A.C. on.

I didn't know if I leave the A.C. on, I got to leave the keys inside, right?

Yo, he drove off with my Mustang.

He drove off with your Mustang?

Yeah, kid.

Yo, what do I do?

I would have to have the office call you back.

May I have your phone number and your ticket first, please?

Yo, he said he's a minute man.

I would have to have the office call you back.

May I have your phone number and your ticket first, please?

Yo, 888-278-8509.

So that's 888-278-8509?

Yeah, that's up here.

I'll have the office call you back.

Yo, word up.

All right, yo.

I think it's safe to get the number out to the Minuteman.

I'm about to get fucked up tonight, man.

I'm going to have to cancel that toll-free line, I think, after tonight.

I've given it out to John Calvert.

Now I give it out to the Minuteman.

I don't know.

Maybe I should have taken consolation from Andy before I did that.

Because I just said that guy drove off in my Mustang.

Yeah.

I don't know.

We'll see what happens.

We'll see what happens, everybody.

Don't panic.

It's okay.

If I go to jail, I go to jail.

I'll get publicity and maybe this will be the thing to launch.

Are we allowed?

Do you guys know what's going on with KDK and the Howard Stern Show?

Have you guys heard about it?

If you guys have heard about it, then we'll discuss it.

If not, then I'm going to assume it's still a secret.

No, there's something about KDK is supposed to go on the show if he does a transvestite or some shit.

Exactly.

He's going to be having sex with a transsexual, actually.

A man who is now a woman.

Ain't that something?

I think it's a bunch of bullshit.

shit well he said he's doing it i don't know i don't know man what do you think he'll go through

with it do you think it's uh worth it is it cheating if he does it no because if if cabon

if cabon endorses it which i'm sure he probably would i don't know i don't know maybe we'll see

i'm pretty sure cabon's cool with it they probably cheat on each other all the time gays cheat on

each other a lot uh new new says that i should totally cancel that number because he just

noticed that john calvert is a lawyer in his spare time well that's great thanks for letting

Let me know about that, Nunu.

Thank you very much.

Andy's typing something.

Andy sent me a link to their hate mail page.

Well, you didn't say anything to him.

Why didn't you tell me that this guy is a lawyer?

Like I care.

What's he going to do?

What did I do?

But you didn't even say anything.

Yeah.

Andy's now sending me the number for...

He told me that you were a talking snake.

Yeah.

What's the big deal?

And I am a talking snake in the literal sense of the term.

I'm a snake.

I lie continuously.

That's what I'm saying.

And I have a forked tongue.

So there it is.

this is funny

the Minuteman project

here I'm reading their website they have their

hate mail posted up there and

someone sent them you're a fucking

gringos you stinks

this is our territory and you invaded

Texas, New Mexico, California, Arizona

you stole us we're invaded

slowly this territory and it comes back

to ours culeros

wow that's some weird uneducated people that

try to defend immigration you know

I don't get it yeah

Yeah. I mean, it's sad.

Whatever. Fucking immigrants.

My parents are immigrants, but fuck them.

Fuck them anyway.

Some guy has a sign that says, fuck the animal.

Okay, whatever.

Andy's also

sending me a number for Tim

Bueller, the director of media relations

for these people. He also sent me

his cell phone, too.

He got his regular phone.

Yeah, we got retarded people still?

Yeah. Bobobot is saying

that that porno tube site has some weird...

third number. Bobobot, I gave out

Pornotube.com. I saw that

someone in the forums posted a link to

Pornotube, which is an awesome

source of pornography, and I

told Lego about it, and Lego liked

it, and Bobobot, it's including

he's including the same thing. There's some

weird shit on there. It's a very interesting site,

everybody. Jonathan

wants me to turn the line on so he can call

in. Did I leave

the toll-free line off? I thought I turned it on,

guys. I didn't turn it on.

He turned it on, too.

Yeah.

Didn't Lego call in?

Oh, it is disabled.

Oh, my bad.

Whoops.

So those people try to call back.

They can't get in.

Hang on.

Let me turn it on.

Oh, man.

Does it leave a message?

It says, I think it says the number you're trying to call is not accepting.

No.

It says not accessible from your area.

I had to shut off.

Well, I guess you did a good thing then anyway.

Why is that?

Because you didn't want him to call, remember?

Well, I don't want him to call.

all. I'm just concerned if I tell them that

some guy drove off with my Mustang that they're gonna

call me back all weird.

They think, you know what's weird? I told

them I was private first class

Louis Garcia, Eddie Garcia.

They're gonna probably think I'm like a soldier out there or something.

They're probably freaking out.

Oh, man.

What's the military get involved like?

We got one of your

men who called in and said that their Mustang

got stolen or something.

It's gonna be a whole hunt.

You said you was in the army, you see?

You're in the Mexican Army.

I said, yeah, yeah.

What's the thing?

Yo, I'm in the Army, kid.

I'm in the...

You're in the U.S. Army.

I defected.

I surrendered to the Mexicans at the border.

How do I turn the fucking line on?

They fucked it all up.

Disable.

Here we go.

Are you sure you want to?

No.

Okay.

All right, so the toll-free line is now up.

There you go.

888-278-8509.

That's the number where you can reach us right now.

Bravo, it is.

Oh, and the phone is already ringing.

From none other than North Carolina.

You know how that is.

If it's North Carolina, it's none other than...

Jonathan, you're on the air.

What's up, Carlito?

What's going on, bro?

How are you doing?

Not much.

Hey, that was a funny prank call that y'all just done.

What, the border guard one?

The cheese boy one.

Oh, the cheese boy.

So did they call that guy cheese boy?

Is that what the problem is?

Yeah, because he eats a lot of cheese.

So do I.

He backed up.

Yo, I'd love some cheese.

What's your favorite cheese, Jonathan?

Gouda.

Cheddar.

Gouda over there.

Clone says Gouda.

Garlsburg.

Milkman says Garlsburg.

What is that?

It sounds like it stinks.

Charlesburg.

Hey, do you want to call that guy back?

I could.

We tried to sell him.

It's Swiss cheese.

Swiss cheese.

Oh, man, you know what we had last night?

We had some fondue, you know, with that cheese shit in it, you know?

Swiss cheese.

Oh, I hate, I hate, Swiss cheese smells like ass, man.

Yeah.

Who likes Swiss cheese, man?

Seriously.

Oh, it tastes like one, too.

Yeah, it's feet and ass.

I don't know why people, white people like that.

I'm sorry, Cloned and Milkman.

I know you guys like it.

Oh, man, it's good.

Oh, it's good.

You like the taste of ass on your cheese milk, man?

That's what Jonathan...

Oh, hell yeah.

Yeah.

I like it sticking in my vagina, too.

Anyway, so, Jonathan, you want us to call back your French cheese boy?

Yeah.

Okay, all right.

Is he black?

Yeah, he's black.

He's black.

That's awesome.

I love talking to black people.

What's his real name?

Ask what his real name is.

For the record, we don't have the 12, but ask for bus 409.

409?

Yeah.

Okay, I'm going to call him and tell him that I got confused.

It's really bus 409.

Okay.

Hey, hang on.

Milkman, yeah, we confirmed it.

His name is Smith or something, right?

We confirmed it.

Hey, Smith.

Yeah, yeah, Smith.

Yeah, we got the right guy.

He said he's the only guy there and we talked to him.

That's for Smith first.

Okay.

Okay, gotcha.

Bus 409, okay.

And then say that I want this cheese dog and then you talk to him.

Okay, no problem.

Jonathan, we're going to do that, man.

You going to keep listening?

Yes.

All right.

You can tell all your friends.

Sure.

Good boy.

Boy, you seen any movies lately?

I've seen that new Cars movie.

That's pretty good.

Cars, yeah.

Animated?

It's kind of like an animated one.

Do you have any kids, man?

No.

Good for you.

Good, man.

Stay away from that.

Not a good thing.

Hell no.

All right, Jonathan, my friend, thank you for calling in.

Not a problem.

Always an honor speaking to such a good bus driver like you.

And keep on trucking.

All right, man.

10-4.

All right.

Bye.

We got to get that sound effect for him.

Smoke weed every day.

Yeah, man.

Clone homegrown smoking weed every day.

Every day all day.

Every day.

That's right.

It's 420, baby.

It is 420.

There's no better excuse than to fire one up because it's a 420 show.

It's 420 p.m. Central Standard Time.

That's right.

It's 420 p.m. for all of you in Texas and Chicago.

Chicago.

Central.

Central Time, motherfuckers.

Who else is Central Time?

It is 420 all day when the show's on.

It is always 420 here.

It's always 420 somewhere when we're on.

If not, it's about to be 420 somewhere.

Gay health care in San Francisco, California.

The lady that answered didn't sound like she spoke English.

Well, that helps.

Gay health care.

On Castro, isn't that Gay Street?

Yep.

The Castro in San Francisco.

Excellent.

Okay.

Well, I'll tell you what.

We'll call the gay health care next.

And we also got the number for Geno Steaks in Philadelphia, and I heard about this place.

It's the guy, he's like an immigrant, a Greek guy, a Greek immigrant who owns this cheese

steak shop out there.

It's like one of the two big ones out there in Philadelphia that claim to be the original

cheese steak.

And I guess he said they put up a sign that said the people had to speak English or they

couldn't get service or something like that.

That's interesting.

So yeah.

You guys okay there, Milkman?

You got a lot of wind over there.

Breaking wind.

Hello?

Hello.

Hello, this is the gay health care.

It's the office of Dr. William Arwin.

William Arwin?

Yes.

Is he gay?

Who am I speaking to?

I'm looking for the gay doctor.

There are many in the city.

How many?

What would you like?

I want gay service.

Like?

I only want, well, I have a problem, but I, like, my wife, she said that she doesn't want a woman doctor looking at it.

Uh-huh.

And I don't want a straight man looking at it.

So the only option we have left would be for a gay to look at it.

Could you tell me exactly what problem you're having at the moment?

Red itchy welts.

Penile warts.

Shut up.

Are those penile lesions?

Yeah, penile.

And they have blood, water, pus, and something I can only describe as Swiss cheese coming out.

Okay.

Let me tell you what I would like you to do.

I don't care what you want me to do.

I need to get this fixed.

I said, I don't care what you want me to do.

I know what I want is to get this fixed.

and you're just a receptionist.

Are you a doctor?

Did you want help on this, sir?

Yeah, but from...

Or did you want to consult the person who's trying to help you?

I want help from a medical professional.

To be honest with you, I got this from a woman.

Do you want me to give you the...

A man.

...phone number of the person that can help you with that?

I wanted you to get a man there to take my information.

Okay.

Let me give you a phone number.

Did I say give me a phone number?

487.

I don't want to hear it.

No.

Sir, I'm going to finish this conversation.

Take the number.

No.

Bye-bye.

No, damn it.

I don't want them to get the phone number out of my hair.

Excuse me.

We're already in trouble with the law and the men of men.

Dude, I missed a call, and I think it was for an interview, guys.

I think I just got a call for a job interview, and I missed it.

Prank him.

Cool.

Prank him.

Yeah, you want me to work for you?

Fuck you, man.

That wouldn't be nice.

Come on, guys.

Be real because I'm keeping it real.

I got to check that.

I'll check it on the break.

We'll take a break here in a few so I can check the voicemail.

So, yeah, Fondue sucks, man.

I might have to bail on you guys.

Aw, okay.

Well, Clone, say goodbye to everybody.

Are you bailing now?

No, but I might at the break.

Okay.

All right, well, there it is.

MPEG says that we guys really need lives.

Do we know that?

Yes, we do.

We do need lives.

We have nothing else to do during the afternoon because all three of us are unemployed.

And most of the people listening now are probably unemployed, too.

So, there it is.

Got it.

Yes, sir.

Yes, yes, yes, sir.

You're not.

If you happen to be employed and you want us to fuck with your boss, send in your number.

Send in your number and we'll get revenge for all the horrible things your boss says about you behind your back that you don't know about but that we do.

We'll shit in his cornflakes.

Yeah, we'll teach him a lesson to talk bad about you behind your back.

Fuck.

Fuck work, huh?

That's right.

Your name, number, and social security number.

And your social security number, that's right.

And a credit card, a valid credit card so we can verify your age.

And your panty size.

And your panty size?

No, man.

I don't have any women listening to this crap.

No women listen to this shit, man.

Jesus Christ.

Some of them may think they're women.

Right, right, right, right.

All right.

Well, let's continue then.

Who can we call?

Let's see.

Who do we have here?

Anti-drug has been sending a lot of numbers here.

That was gay healthcare we just called.

Apparently they're not gay healthcare, but they said they are.

Geno Steaks, we'll call them, in Philadelphia.

That's always an option.

I thought about pranking them when that first came out.

The story first came out about their little sign shit.

Boom, the Minuteman Project.

Gritty did that.

Okay.

Well, I don't know how much to work with here.

Hey, here's something we can do.

We can call Grits and Grocery Liquor.

There you go.

Yeah.

That's a good one.

I remember that one.

That's a prank call from February 17th of this year.

Grits and Grocery's Liquors.

Yeah, we'll call it during the daytime now.

Yeah, let's try to call him now.

See if we can get that guy to answer.

I forgot his name.

He didn't give us his name, but whatever.

We'll try to call him now.

No, but he was pretty pissed off.

Yeah, I don't blame him.

What can you do, man?

You can't make...

You can't order Grits.

Yeah, you can't make everybody happy.

Do your redneck voice, man.

I'll try.

I don't really have one.

Unfortunately, I'm at the bell early.

Okay, man.

Well, thanks, clone.

We'll catch you next time.

We'll catch you Thursday night.

Stay out of trouble.

Love you.

Well, yeah.

All right.

Do a rip before you go.

He can't.

Smoke weed every day.

And there it is.

See you, clone.

Take care of yourself, man.

Later.

And there you have it.

Thanks, Al.

Love the house.

Clone Homegrown.

Thank you for stopping in.

Okay, so we're calling.

Who did I say we were going to call?

Fuck it.

Oh yeah, Grits and Grocery Liquors

Grits and Grocery Liquors

Yeah, it was a place we called in the past

We'll call them again

Liquor Sticker and Flecker

Hello, Grits and Grocery

Hey, did you guys make up your mind yet?

What are you talking about?

About where you're going to sell Grits and Grocery Liquors

I'm selling Grits, Grocery and Liquors

Alright, and they're ready now?

My Grits are ready now?

I'd like to order hand Grits

With some cheese

Put some cheese in there

And a little bit of mint

Like a mojito

Mojito.

Yeah.

We got mojito and some gin.

Okay, so how about we do this?

We'll mix some mojito mix, right?

And then we'll get some grits in there.

You got some ham?

What do you got there meat-wise?

Hot dogs, sausage dogs, hamburgers, barbecue.

You got barbecue?

Yo, what kind of barbecue you have?

Pork?

Is that pulled pork or what do you got?

I guess you could call it pork.

Yeah, what is it, slow cook?

Go over there and taste some real quick for me.

Tell me what it tastes like.

Like barbecue.

What kind of barbecue? What kind of sauce do you use? What's the secret recipe?

The secret recipe? I talk to rebels about that.

What's that?

I talk to rebels about that.

Who's this?

This is Aberdeenby.

Aberdeenby?

Aberdeenby.

Aberdeenby. How do you spell that?

D as in dog, E as in ever, M as in boy, B as in...

M as in boy?

M as in boy, B as in Mike, wine, you're being a pain in my ass.

Hey, what are you going to talk to me like that?

What's up?

You know, every time you cash your paycheck, you've got to thank me.

Why do you say that?

Because if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be able to cash your paycheck.

Why do you say that?

Because I'm a Jew.

Because you're a Jew?

Yeah.

Damn right.

There wouldn't be any money if it wasn't for me.

Damn right.

I am the Jew. I'm the king of pranks, the king Jew.

Damn right.

Yeah, I'm Pete Lego.

Pete Lego?

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

So you're with Lego Mayagas?

Yeah, exactly.

Uh-huh.

How long have you been working there?

How long have I been working there?

Yeah.

All my life.

You don't know why?

All my life.

All your life?

Who did I call and talk to over there sometime in February that was kind of rude to me?

No, of course.

Who else works there?

I have two other folks.

You got any niggers working there?

Nope.

No niggers?

Why not?

Because I don't need any.

You don't need any niggers?

Not in the store that I'm running now.

No.

I've got some black customers.

I've got some black employees.

Oh, so you do have some niggers working there then?

I wouldn't call them niggers.

I would call them black people.

Well, you just said nigger right now.

Well, I mean, it's in your vocabulary.

Well, nigger's a word that's used for any type of ignorant person such as yourself.

I'm not a nigger.

I call you a nigger.

I have nothing to do with niggerdom.

You know what I like to do in my liquor store?

What's that?

I hire a bunch of black people, and then I fire them the next week.

You know why?

What's that?

Because they're niggers.

Yep.

Got me on that.

So you don't agree with me?

Nope.

I'm trying to sign you guys up in the racist chamber of commerce here.

Uh-huh.

Huh.

Someone told me on Good Mind, my friend Cheese Boy, said he comes in there a lot and said he'd give you a call.

Huh.

Yeah.

No, don't want to be done with no races.

Well, let's talk about grits then.

What about them?

What are they made of?

Griny.

What are they made of?

Corn.

Corn husk?

What are they made of then, exactly?

Of the kernel.

Kernel?

Yeah, the ground down.

Yeah?

Slow cook to your perfection.

No shit.

And you guys make them right there?

No shit.

You do or you don't?

No.

No?

We're buying from a grit mill.

Okay, so you sell grits there but you don't make them.

What's up with this cow?

I'm just trying to find out what you guys, you know, you guys have three things that you sell.

And I went in there and I couldn't get grits.

I've been here and you couldn't get grits.

The guy said he wouldn't sell me grits.

He wouldn't sell you grits.

He didn't like my attitude.

Isn't that?

Come on, I have a good attitude.

Me and you, we're shooting the shit here.

I'm with you with Rebel.

Alright, what's up?

Some guy named Rebels.

Those barbecues he would buy a barbecue from.

Yeah?

Yeah.

That's the guy right there.

Is he?

Yeah, he said, don't you dare go in there, they don't like niggers, he said.

I have no problem with them.

You got no problem with them?

Nope, you might.

I do.

I don't like authority, though, either.

That's what my problem is.

All right.

I would rather refer to an ignorant person as a nigger than the black.

All right.

Well, so be it.

You're a racist, then.

All righty.

Okay, then.

So what's up with this cop?

I'm leaving.

10-4 there, rubber ducky.

All right there, buddy.

I can feel the liver.

You don't deliver.

I don't deliver.

You're not the higher nigger.

I know.

That was a stupid, stupid call.

That was a stupid call.

I went nowhere.

I don't have any gas today.

You know what I mean?

I'm not feeling it.

It's not working.

Order a Domino's pizza.

No.

That'll give me gas.

It's not the kind of gas we need for a show.

It'll make me sick.

You're laughing gas.

Yeah.

10-4 there, rubber ducky, he says.

Jesus, man.

That's fucked up.

Whatever that's supposed to mean.

What's on your mind, Milkman?

Who can we call?

That was a good call, man.

Do some work.

You're guaranteed to get somebody on there.

Good try.

Let's see what I got here.

Oh, yeah.

From that same day, we got a bunch of numbers.

Didn't we call Jamaican restaurants that day, too, or something?

What's his face?

I think one time we did with Scott.

Here we go.

Mama's Jamaica's Cafe.

We also got Joe Universal Jamaican Restaurant.

Let me say something real quick.

You know what?

KDK is going to get pissed.

What's that, man?

KDK is going to get pissed.

Why?

Because Lego is running his own stream on that.

Why?

Because he doesn't want him to start up his own stream.

great he's not gonna be he's not gonna be happy with sanction it's not sanctioned dude he's not

gonna be happy about it kdk might have said whatever go ahead but he's not gonna be happy

about it i don't know well if it's all shows and kdk agrees with it i don't know do i want my shows

to be played by lego or i mean i want to play them by myself that's well that's kind of my

they're my commodity man i don't know if i really want me to give them that out well i'll tell you

what if you listen to a whole show unless you're really a sick show freak like me yeah most

Most people won't listen to the whole show.

Yeah, I don't know.

Well, I mean, people like to play in the background and have it going in the background and stuff, I guess.

But I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know how I feel about that.

A lot of people don't have an attention span, and that's the problem.

A lot of these kids in here can't see past about three minutes, you know.

And a prank call makes three minutes.

They've done lost them.

Yep, yep.

And if you don't do prank calls, every three minutes they get pissed.

You know what I mean?

They're like, hey, what are you doing pranking me?

Prank calls, blah, blah, blah, do prank calls, blah, blah, blah, kind of stuff.

But thank goodness we have prank comedy and variety in music.

Yes, and people falling down.

So we have something for everybody.

That's right, that's right.

And, you know, Madman sent in numbers also here.

We got a few more numbers from Anti-Drug.

Thank you, Anti-Drug.

Oh, God, call one of those.

Those are definitely good.

What?

Call Madman.

Madman number?

And we'll take a break real quick after that?

Okay, hang on.

St. Louis Vibrator Company.

Okay, a person prank called him, left two soundboard messages.

He already got prank called by these people, apparently.

Where the Minutemen at, man?

I got my Mustang stolen.

I can't be waiting.

Shit.

Yo, man, I got my Mustang stolen.

What?

Seriously?

This is me, Minuteman.

This is to be ready in a minute.

This is to call me about 60 minutes.

Like, you know, 60 seconds after I hung up the phone.

Some Minutemen out there.

Fucking Americans.

Lazy Americans.

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

I'm a 60-minute man.

It takes me about an hour to get one up.

Yeah, man.

So we're taking it easy milk, man.

You know, right now, a lot of shit in my mind.

You got a hurricane coming in and all that shit, man.

What do I do?

Man, we're good, man.

I don't know, man.

We're going to have some fun, man.

I'm panicking.

We're going to get a hurricane away with a bunch of laughter.

I've got the television on here in the office, and they're talking about the storm now.

Let's see what they're saying.

Hang on.

50 mile per hour winds now they're expecting at 8 p.m. on Wednesday.

65 miles an hour.

Turn down the music and turn up the broadcast.

They're actually going to a commercial now.

I'm not worried about it.

They're saying 65 mile per hour winds at 8 o'clock on Wednesday,

and then they go down to 50 miles an hour.

So we're going to have, like, 12 hours straight of, like, 65 mile per hour winds, man.

Just about.

That's going to suck.

Here's an 865 number.

Who do you think that is?

865.

I don't know.

It could be a telemarketer.

We get this all the time here at this time.

Ever since we switched over to, like, a regular, you know, phone system,

all the telemarketers that same day, they started coming in like crazy.

Hello.

Okay.

These people keep fucking calling me all the time.

I'm going to stay on the line.

Isn't it bullshit?

Yeah, no, I'm staying on.

They make you hold.

They call you now, they make you hold.

Whoever had this line before us, you know, before me and Athena,

apparently had some credit trouble.

Because the only people who have this phone number are my mom, you, and Cloned.

Are the only people that have this phone number here.

Thank you for holding.

All representatives are currently unavailable.

Please continue to hold for the next available representative.

We'll do that.

Isn't that bullshit that the telemarketer calls you and asks if you've got a hold for it?

It's like, come on.

That's some freaking balls, man.

That is balls. I'm smoking, hang on.

Keep talking, Milkman.

We'll do it, man, when they come on, man. We're gonna bait them, right?

We're gonna pretend like, you know, that we've got some money.

I'm gonna tell them I'm not gonna pay it.

I ain't paying, I ain't paying.

We need to know what the bill is actually about.

I ain't paying.

What are they willing to do for it?

any second now this is rude i'm gonna complain about this first of all it'd be really funny

as if we did a second call yeah caller came on and then this telemarketer was on at the same time

yeah yeah please continue to hold for the next available representative

oh man this sucks fucking wait so anyway yeah telemarketers suck oh this is yeah this is

really pretty fun man i can't believe this shit the audacity yeah oh shit

hold this long please continue to hold for the next available representative give much more in

about a minute i'll just go ahead and bail yeah it'd be funny though man if we get it to work

i mean they're killing the show it's all right we can still talk man let me turn the music down

a little bit we'll talk let's do a call hey well we could do a call in between no we couldn't i

can't you want me to do something like that all coordinated and shit you can probably wipe my

ass not coordinated but we could just like all representatives are currently unavailable

Please continue to hold to the next available representative.

I can't wipe my ass and walk at the same time.

I can't shit on my own.

Please continue to hold to the next available representative.

The keys are getting hit pretty hard right now, man.

They're going to get the worst of it, probably.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, God, man.

What's up there?

Hello?

It's only a story, man.

Who am I speaking with?

My name is Monty.

Monty?

Yes, I'm calling for Susan.

Susan?

Yes.

She's not going to come to the phone.

I'm going to leave my number for her to give me a call.

No, no, no, no.

You can speak to me.

Are you her husband?

Yep.

Okay.

Hang on.

Listen to this first.

I got the fart on.

I mean, stay on the phone, bastard.

Oh, man.

In the coming 24 hours, we back away, take a shot, and show you where Miami is, down to the Keys, where the big rain is happening.

And we don't want to forget that we do have, well, a few little scattered showers out there in central Florida for the moment.

From Windermere down to the attractions, still raining, and just outside of Claremont, raining for the moment as well.

But that rain is nothing compared to the stuff that lies ahead for tomorrow.

Let's go ahead and bounce on over to the Big Picture Weather Machine now and talk about

the location of the storm and where it goes from here.

The 5 o'clock locator, 24.3 north, 80.2 west.

Movement to the northwest at about 13 miles per hour.

The pressure hasn't fallen quickly.

The wind has not picked up.

By tomorrow, should be right about here by 2 o'clock in the afternoon with winds that

could be as strong as 60 miles per hour if this thing intensifies before landfall.

If it doesn't intensify tonight, then all of this starts to change for tomorrow.

But for now, this is the path that we're dealt and we'll be dealing with through the night, tonight, and the day tomorrow.

StormTracker will show you the location of the windshield and the wind field.

You see this tropical storm, blah, blah, blah.

So basically, you get the idea.

They're scaring everybody for nothing, I think.

60 miles an hour.

Hold on to your shorts because we're going to get wet.

That's not even a hurricane.

That's a tropical storm.

What's the big fucking deal?

A hurricane is 75 miles an hour and higher.

It's a hurricane, man.

It's a tropical storm.

It's bullshit.

We've been through.

Fuck me.

Come on.

They just want people to go to stores and panic and buy a lot of stuff.

I swear to God, if I were to go to Walmart right now, everybody's going crazy.

It's a one-year anniversary of Katrina, you see.

So they've got to do something to try and top that.

So they've got to get a panic stirred and be important to everybody by tuning in.

Well, fuck it.

Why do it to us, man?

Don't involve us in this shit.

Why doesn't a hurricane hit New York or something?

Well, because if it was headed for Texas, it'd be even better.

Yeah, Houston, Galveston, you know.

Those guys...

Then I'd really be laughing.

Here's what they're saying.

We're going to get winds 40 to...

Let's go shit in a 55-ballon hat.

All right, our winds are going to be 40 to 45 miles an hour sustained.

They're going to go up to 60 miles an hour, they say.

Gusting to 60 miles an hour.

I'm not concerned.

I'll probably lose power, but I'm not worried about it, dude.

You know?

That's just like driving your car, man, down to the grocery store.

Yeah, buddy.

60 miles an hour, that ain't nothing.

Well, here's a question.

I have a job interview tomorrow.

It's supposed to be at 10 a.m., though.

Do I still go to that job interview?

Is it still on?

Are the roads going to be closed?

And do they do curfews out here when this shit happens?

I don't know.

What do I do?

No, you go ahead and you do it.

And if you see any of those army guys out there, you finger them and tell them to go to hell.

I'm not going to finger an army guy.

Go back to, you know.

It's kind of gay.

Hey, army guy.

Go back to Iraq and then you mash all the gas and do a big donut and end on the interview.

Yeah, right.

Hey, army guy, let me go finger you.

Yeah, right.

Come on, man.

Go be gay.

Fucking gay.

Here's what they're showing now.

Look how crazy it gets.

They're showing an elementary school

and the kids learning about the hurricane

coming in and they're making maps

of the hurricane and they're filming it

for the news. This is what they get to.

You know Orlando is such a shit town

that nothing goes on here so when something like this happens

they go crazy. It's going to be wall to wall

hurricane coverage all day tonight.

All night tonight, all day tomorrow.

It was Orlando local news you was playing?

Yep.

Tom Sorrells, the man himself.

Oh, okay.

Anyway, we're bullshitting.

We're losing listeners.

We're down to 33 listeners.

So, holy shit.

Let's do a call.

Holy shit in a handbasket.

All right, we'll do one call, and we'll take a break, and we'll do a few more calls, and we'll call it a night.

I'm going to be gone.

Milkman, I absolutely have to be off the air by 7 o'clock, okay?

7 p.m., 8 p.m. your time.

We're okay with that?

All right, then.

That'll work.

You know what?

We're going to take a five-minute break right now real quick.

Let's do a five-minute break real quick right now.

Come back.

We'll do a few more calls for another hour.

Hopefully, they go well.

If not, we'll bullshit, and we'll entertain you guys for another hour.

We'll be back.

Sounds good?

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

All right, good.

I'm glad you agree with that.

So, like I said, we're going to take a quick break.

This is a new outro here.

This is a new little bumper, whatever you want to call it.

So, it is now 5.50.

We'll be back in about five minutes, and after that, we'll do another hour of wall-to-wall prank calls.

And after that, we'll move on from there.

You're listening to Madhouse Radio, madhouselive.com.

Back after this.

420, baby.

Fire them up.

Right after this.

Yes, I am.

You're going to like it.

Be sure to visit us online at MadhouseLive.com.

So tough now.

Little middle.

Black.

Eat your black skin.

Eat your black pants.

I hate black pepper.

Black keys on a piano.

My gums, because they black.

I hate you, big gold bird's lips.

Back of fours with it, because neck.

Most of all.

I hate that black ass.

What's this next?

Radio.

And we're back.

Beautiful.

Success and unity between all of us.

Milkman, you there?

You done taking a shit?

Yeah.

It does feel better to move your bowels.

I'd like to say what's up real quick.

That's right, man.

Keep moving.

We've got to say what's up to Acid in the chat room who said he found a job.

Wow, must be nice.

Huh, Milkman?

All right.

Hey, who all is out there in the chat room today, man?

In the chat room today.

Now, first of all, I'd like to say what's up to Echo.

Echo is in our TeamSpeak chat room, which is provided to us by Sync Clan so that we can connect each other and come together and do this show on a weekly basis.

So what's up Echo

He's listening to us right now

He's in a channel with us

What's up Echo

Synclans.net

Which is not even working

Echo

Synclans.net is down

I'm sorry to hear that

Hope it comes back one day

Good people

I'm a member of that clan

Haven't played in a while

But I'm a member of the clan

I'll get that fixed pretty soon

One day

KR

Yes

Good

And what else

Madman

Is in the chat room of course

Milkman you're in there

Lonesome Loser is idling in there

His presence is being made

And we're happy

Andy's in there.

The dad.

Hey, Lonesome Loser's on.

Lonesome Loser's on.

Welcome back to Lonesome Loser.

Well, he's in there.

He's just sitting in there.

Nothing else in there.

He's just in, yes.

Yeah.

No, he's here now.

He's actually in.

Yeah.

Skull and Bones and AOL Instant Messenger says we should rename the show to Carlitos

Madhouse After School Special.

That's right.

Little Evil Neal is just joining the chat room, making her presence known there.

Hey, Neal.

She's a big fixture here in PC radio, no pun intended.

That's right.

All right.

And what else?

Saigon's in there.

Our resident chat Nazi.

Yeah, Saigon.

The Dead's idling in there.

Good to hear The Dead.

Good to see The Dead.

Hope he's okay.

Best of thoughts.

Best of wishes out to The Dead.

And Joe Rosenthal's in there.

I don't know.

What's up with that dude?

Good wishes.

Joe Rosenthal is a very weird person.

That's a fantasy world.

That person lives in a fantasy world.

You know, we're all allowed to live in a fantasy world.

I live in a fantasy world where I am a porno star and no hurricanes exist.

You know what I mean?

There you have it.

Yay.

Hey, no hurricanes.

Hooray for no hurricanes.

He's right.

I'm a young guy that doesn't ride around in a rascal wheelchair.

Holy shit.

Lonesome Loser is in the house.

He's active.

I told you.

I'm sorry.

I sit corrected.

Yay, Lonesome Loser.

Hardest working man at PCU.

Lonesome Loser.

PCU's resident nigger.

Lonesome Loser.

I'm sorry.

That's wrong.

I'm sorry.

Shame on me.

I'm not a racist guy.

You know what Athena said to me yesterday?

That's Andy.

No, Andy's not a racist.

You know what Athena said to me yesterday?

She said that I'm getting too racist with the way I talk on our personal time.

I'm acting too much like Carlito, she says.

She says, you're too much like Carlito now.

You're supposed to be Carlos.

I'm like, why?

Because I was going around calling people nigger.

Not into their face, but I was kind of saying, look at that dumb nigger there.

Look at that stupid woman there.

or she can't drive and all that stuff.

Commenting.

Commentary.

Yeah, I just, I don't know.

She says I need to cool it off like that.

And I feel bad.

I'm not a racist person, though.

I like niggers.

And all spics and all that stuff.

I like all that good shit.

But yeah.

Lonesome Loser is sending in a number for bangers.

What's in the chat room?

Who was in that?

Hey, look, there's Sir Nunu.

Nunu?

That big wanker from UK.

Sir Nunu himself.

Yeah, Nunu.

new i need to send in your suit number he has to his number he does have george takai's number

george takai takai or takai i forget it again how's it go george takai takai no it's takai

takai takai is cheap i mean it's cheap in japanese i thought i don't know whatever

no expensive expensive you would know you're half japanese right yeah good you've been to

japan or just no no you want to go you want to go let's go man let's go now all right let's get

Get us the tickets.

Hell yeah.

Are you going to go to the party in New York, man?

I'm not rich.

I know, right?

If I could go.

I want to.

Yeah, I would too.

Lego's house.

I mean, I'm all for going, but I don't have money to get a plane flight.

I don't have to work, but hell, I can't fly up there.

I can't be there on September 9th, though.

Yeah, it's too close to the 11th.

Is that when it is the 9th?

September 9th is the party in New York, right?

I guess who's going?

KDK might be there.

Zolar.

Billy Mirror will probably show up.

Lego's going to be there.

High Pitch Eric maybe will be there.

I don't know.

zudo zudo and then did you hear me call last night to that show i was drunk off my ass i was

drinking sake last night that's some shit i never had sake i was laughing yeah you was funny oh i've

never drunk sake before it's good sake i'm like yeah and it's cheap i'm gonna buy some sake that's

what i did i put in the microwave for a good minute and i had my little dude these people

the container comes with this own little serving cup and everything on it it's all

all ready to go awesome yeah you know you take it and what you do is you put it in below the water

oh okay okay and you pull it out with tongs and you got yourself going there okay okay so well

yeah no no no you just just grab a little bottle you know and then pour it out oh super super

super super lonesome loser sending in tons of numbers here we got dong bang we got bitch

publications we got chuck queer towing service in pennsylvania interesting indeed new new is

saying is george takai that's good george takai he's i don't know takai takai takai takai tacky

whatever maybe he'll come through with a number maybe he'll answer i don't know what to say to

george takai so i'll find out how you pronounce my name correctly before i call him and make an

ass out of myself who madman says he loves us too big being big okay i'm really dumb talking

and dumb shit. There's a number. I got it now.

Okay. If it's

T-A-K-E-I

if it's T-A-K-E

T-A-K-E. Okay. So it is

T-A-K. He says, saying I'm a big fan.

Really enjoyed him in the Karate Kid movies.

That's wrong.

That's

funny. He's not Mr. Miyagi. He's

Sulu, man. That's funny.

That's too funny. Maybe we could try that.

I'll try it. Fine. We'll try to call George

T-A-K now. Let's see if this works.

Tanner is now out of the closet.

that you're trying to arrange an interview,

that you want to get an interview to discuss your homosexual tendencies and activities

during the filming of Star Trek and subsequent episodes.

Right.

Mr. Takei?

Hi, how are you doing tonight?

I'm sorry, did I catch you at a bad time?

No, I can talk.

Okay, great.

Hey, I just want to let you know that I'm a very big fan of yours, sir.

Thank you.

You were excellent in the Karate Kid movies.

No, you have the wrong person.

No, no, this is that Jap that was in the Karate Kid movies, right?

right? You're the

Japanese Karate Kid guy.

No, you're the wrong guy.

Are you a Japanese Star Trek guy?

No.

I just talked to

Sulu.

Thank you for calling.

You know, I was talking to Athena

about this. We saw the

William Shatner roast on Comedy Central.

We saw the

William Shatner roast on Comedy Central

and he got made fun of a lot and stuff.

He's a funny guy. I was saying, you know what sucks,

Docs Athena that I gave Nunu the idea

of finding this guy's phone number

and he found it. And every time I tried to call

him, he was never there. But Sean

Ward and KDK both got to do awesome

long pranks with him. And I never

got to. There it is.

So we just talked to George Tickler.

A new clip for our intro.

New!

Call him

Japanese Karate Kid guy.

Aren't you Japanese Karate Kid guy?

That's funny.

Actually, are you gay Star Trek guy?

I should have called him Zeddy Garcia.

Next time I'll call him Zeddy Garcia.

Yo, what's up?

Oh, you playing?

Yeah.

Yo, let's go.

Yo, I got the recipe for the Wolf Drive.

We'll have to make him a regular fixture on the 420 episodes.

That'd be nice.

Hey, let's try to do that, man.

Call George Stekan on a weekly basis.

We could try that on different premises each time.

Try different voices and different premises exactly.

Yeah.

We'll see about that, guys.

We'll see what we can do with that.

What else do we got here?

Here, we got...

Make him your bitch.

Uh-huh.

We got...

Vito's bitch.

We got the Erotic Bakery in Seattle, Washington, the Erotic Bakery.

Zetro Grocery.

In Ocala, according to a recent survey, the anger capital of the United States.

The angriest city in America is my hometown of Orlando.

Ain't that something?

That's probably because of me.

What?

That's what I was going to say.

Exactly.

It has to be.

It has to be because of me.

It's my mom and my dad and me.

We're very angry people.

Okay, so what are you thinking?

Let's call Zetro Grocery and then we'll hit up Erotic Baker.

I'm damn pretty gauche.

This is the white people that make us angry here.

Come on, Mike.

Okay, let's play something a little old school.

Come on, man.

They make me angry.

Let's play something a little old school, a little funky.

What do you say?

I think what we can do.

Yeah, man.

I don't know what.

I don't want it to suck.

Any ideas?

George Clinton.

We did that the other day.

We can play some more.

We got Rick James, Super Freak.

What the hell?

Hey, we ought to call Mary Menzies again.

You got her number?

Yes.

Make it so.

Ha, make it so.

Mr. Sulu, make it so.

I'm trying to get the music to start, and the motherfucker won't start.

Ahead Warp Factor 5.

Yeah.

Okay, the music's dead.

Something happened here.

Remember?

Okay, now remember, you were her son, right?

You were her stepson, and that you was always getting in trouble with stealing the Bibles and stuff.

That's right, that's right, that's right.

I had a bunch of weird stories with that lady.

Indeed I did.

Okay, all right, well, we'll do this.

And then one time she gave you a recipe for Thanksgiving.

Uh-huh, yeah.

Well, Thanksgiving was a long time away, but hey, here's this.

And I got the number.

Good, I got it.

Now look in your feed top.

Yeah, I got it here.

Well, let me call Zetro first and remind me we'll call her next, all right?

Zetro Grocery in Florida.

Hang on, everybody.

The next call of the day of the afternoon show, 6.09 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, 3.09 on the West Coast.

Listening to Madhouse Radio.

Madhouse Live.

Ten minutes till 4.20 in that standard time.

Who the hell lives in Mountain Standard Time?

Oh, you get Rocky Mountain High.

Who lives in Mountain Standard Time?

What's out there in Mountain?

Oh, there's not very many people in Mountain Standard.

I think Colorado and places like that.

Yeah.

It's a narrow time zone.

Say, what's the Mormon town?

Salt Lake City.

Them two, I think, they're Mountain.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Salt Lake City.

All you Mormons, get your...

Okay, I didn't know if they were Mountain Town or not.

All you Mormons, get your lighters ready, and we'll be back to do that.

Hang on.

Here comes a call.

Thanks, Steve and Bob.

You have reached an Embark voicemail box.

At the tone, please leave a message.

You may start your message...

Embalmed.

Embark.

You know what Embark is?

What do you mean, Embalmed?

Voicemail Embark.

You know who Embark is?

Is it like down inside of a grave or what?

No, Embark is the new name for Sprint, man.

Like, Sprint, I don't know if it's everywhere, but they changed their name to Embark with a Q at the end.

What the fuck is that all about, huh?

You know?

Embark.

I don't know.

That's pretty damn gay.

Well, their service is still shitty, if you ask me.

Can't fool me by changing your name, bastards.

Sprint still sucks anyway.

I'd like to give a shout-out to our good friend of the Madhouse, Cherry Soda Kiss.

Who?

Who the hell is that?

Cherry Soda Kiss.

That's a good friend of the Madhouse.

Who is that?

I don't know who that is.

He's your friend.

Friend of the Milkman House.

Yeah, good friend of the Madhouse.

Well, good for them.

All right, well, thank you, Cherry Soda Kiss.

Where are they from?

Is that one of your Argentinian friends or something like that?

Yeah.

Where are they from?

No, man.

It's this hot girl, man.

Man, it's this hot girl that comes and checks in every so often, man.

She just hired me and just wanted to say hello.

So we have a hot girl who actually listens.

There's a hot girl that actually listens to the show.

Oh, yeah.

Hell, yeah, man.

She's freaking smoking, dude.

Nice.

I ought to take some pictures sometime.

Yeah, send me some pics, man.

Come on.

Let me know.

Let me see.

Let me taste her.

All right.

I want to taste her.

I want to taste women.

That's what I'm talking about, man.

Have a little putty pie, man.

My putty pie.

Brandon Vegas is checking in in the chat room for the first time today.

Brandon Vegas, welcome into the madhouse.

Hey, baby.

He said he didn't know the show was going to be on.

Homeboy, man.

Speaking of.

We've been talking about it since last Thursday, dude.

Brandon Vegas.

Afternoon.

That's right.

Well, speaking of cherry pies, I think it's time for you to call your auntie Mary Menzi.

Yeah, maybe she's got some cherry pie.

Let's do that.

There you go.

All right.

I like that idea.

We'll call it right now.

Let me get some regular for her.

What's that song I want to play with the guy?

Not Bob Marley, but Bob Marley's son.

Biggie.

Yes.

No, Damien.

We're doing Damien's song here.

All right, hang on, everybody.

We're calling Mary Menzies.

Okay.

Old friend of the show.

Back after this.

Bless you.

Hello.

Hey, Mary.

Hello.

Mary?

Yes.

Mary, how you doing?

All right.

You remember me?

Mary.

Uh-huh.

We haven't talked in months.

It's Carlito.

Yes.

What's up, girl?

How you doing?

I'm all right.

How's work?

I can't get no work to do.

You have some work to send for me?

I'm looking for work myself.

I've been unemployed since last Monday.

Huh?

I've been unemployed since last week.

Oh.

Yeah, I got kicked out of the church again.

You what?

I got kicked out of the church again.

Why?

I was stealing Bibles again.

You're ridiculous.

Well, yeah.

Well, here's the thing.

I got a deal.

They were giving me $10 per Bible at the Baptist church.

Yeah?

I just had to.

I had to do it.

I need money.

money. I got a drinking problem. Why are you doing so much for money? Why are you getting

in trouble so much with these Bibles? Well, that's the thing. Now I'm in trouble with

God again and the law. But you know God going to punish you for what you're doing? You think

he will for the Bibles? Why not? They went to a good cause. What good are you stealing

these Bibles to do? Well, they recycle the Bibles. Recycle? Yeah, they shred them and

they recycle them and I think they make toilet paper or something out of it. Where they

Where do they recycle Bibles?

St. Croix

Where in St. Croix?

Yeah

Where in St. Croix do they recycle Bibles?

Manhattan Recycling Company

They just started up a few months ago

Where?

They come from Manhattan

They come from Manhattan?

Yeah, they came down here

To recycle down here to go back up in Manhattan?

They take the paper back up, I think they make toilet paper out of it

I think they make cigarette filters with it too

What?

They make cigarette filters out of the Bibles

You sure is that what they make?

Well, that's what the boss told me.

Or you just want to say something because you think you do something.

No, he told me that they take the Bibles, they shred them, and they recycle them.

Well, if he takes the Bibles to recycle cigarettes, that means you shouldn't be in that church.

In the church? What do you mean by being in the church?

I don't know. I don't want to be rude.

It's an ordained Moravian church.

An ordained Moravian church.

An what?

An ordained Moravian church.

Ordained Moravian church?

Yeah.

Where that is?

Where they're...

They're out of New York.

They come down here.

They're trying to collect all the Bibles they can.

And they take them...

I don't have a first-timer here.

That's me.

You never heard of this before?

No.

Do you have any Bibles maybe you can give me?

Because they give me $10 per Bible.

That's good.

Well, I haven't drunk...

That's good if they give you the $10 for the Bible.

I was supposed to get a plane flight with a tent and the money, but I ended up meeting

a girl and then I drank, you know, we drank all the money, you know, a bottle of alcohol.

Well, that sucks.

We lost the phone.

Sounded like a cordless battery died on the phone.

Son of a bitch, right in the middle of a conversation with her.

Well, that sucks.

Yeah.

We'll call her later on, man, before the end of the show and find out if she has any

good recipes for a Labor Day holiday picnic.

picnic yeah man i charged the phone all day i wonder what happened maybe it wasn't on the cradle

completely but the battery died on that son of a bitch that sucks well ain't that shit well let

me get the other i had to go over and get the other phone well you got a pack of battery switching

out well yeah well that's not sure i got the other phone let me get the other phone real quick i got

to put this one back in a cradle it's going to keep making that noise yes yeah all right we'll

say uh milkman talk to the people real quick while i um get the other phone all right well folks that

That was our good friend Mary Menzies, a long-time listener and lover of the Madhouse.

She has some great recipes she's provided for the Madhouse in the past.

She's a wonderful person.

She's very spiritual.

She's godly, and she's well-loved right here in the Madhouse.

She's also a spiritual counselor and guidance, a guidance leader for Carlito in his misguided ways.

Carlito has fallen off the wagon, but thank goodness for Mary Menzies

that she is very good about keeping him back on the straight and narrow.

As you see, though, Carla doesn't listen very well

and does frustrate Ms. Mary Mindy's often.

Once we get the battery back and it's available again,

maybe we'll consider calling her back

and finding out what she has for some wonderful recipes today

coming up for the upcoming holiday.

Recipes.

Labor Day holiday.

Recipes.

That's right.

Hey, what's up, man?

Who is this?

Echo?

go all right uber what's up uber how you doing man uber uber's good uber did you have you played

that demo yet for a battlefield 2180 oh yeah yeah i didn't download it but i heard it's good

pretty good but it's a bit like okay it's a bit like what now we're losing a bit laggy oh laggy

laggy i got you like me i got you and this didn't go over very well at all we're about to find out

out here what mary menzies thinks she does offer some really wonderful um recipes here

holiday recipes coming up here soon we've got the labor day holiday weekend coming oh what

what do you eat for labor day you know she'll have something great for a cook-up we don't eat

anything for labor day dude labor day is not an eating holiday it's a working holiday you don't

mean anything you don't go out and eat on monday have picnics for the end of the summer i don't

do picnics man it's too much heat too much walking i'd rather go to a restaurant well

Well, most of the rest of the normal world does.

I don't do them either, but...

Yeah, there it is.

Okay, everybody, well, I'd like to say thank you to the St. Clans folks

who are now chilling in our chat room.

Very nice.

No one's talking to the chairman.

What happened to the chairman?

All right.

Thanks a lot to all the TeamSpeak guys.

People were talking all over the place in the chat room,

and now my friends go in and no one wants to talk.

It's looking bad.

You're making me look bad, PCUers.

We kind of have that effect on people.

He kind of sucked the life out of the chat room whenever you go in there.

That's what St. Clarence does.

Well, good for you guys.

Good for you guys.

Oh, his buddy's in there.

His buddy's in there.

Yeah.

I think that's Uber.

Okay, good.

Uber's in there now, too.

BM Echo and Uber.

No, Uber's buddy.

He's listening here, yeah.

Oh, super.

Oh, Uber's in there, too.

Now you figured it out.

Well, Uber.

Isn't Uber like Uber from Mayberry?

No, Milkman.

You and your old ass man jokes.

No, sir.

That's not how it goes.

you're in your old man jokes old man jokes okay um this phone it was g-u-b-e-r this phone might

not work for long so we got to make a count all right what happened all your extra batteries

they're not charged because i don't plan ahead oh jeez yeah i know i know i know what are you

gonna do man a storm comes with no charge batteries what are you gonna do here's the

other problem i didn't i have i'm on e right now and i can look across the street at the gas station

across the street

and there's a line

out to the road

of people getting

gas.

Get out the road,

man.

Watch out for the

crowd right in front

of everybody with

a gun.

Yeah, no.

I got to fill the

bird.

I mean, I got to

get the gas off the

bird tonight for

sure because, you

know, power goes

out, can't pump

gas, you know,

and what happens

here with the

hurricanes is they

have to close the

ports and you can't

get the fuel in here

and all that good

shit and we don't

have any gas.

People freak out.

The price of gas is

probably going to be

like three bucks

right now or

something.

Not even more than

that probably.

probably, and, um, yeah, it sucks, so, no, it'll be $13, yeah, well, eventually it will

be, yeah, and Neil says blarg, good for you, Neil, big storm blowout, yeah, man, so, uh,

let's, let's do, let's try to do another call or two, and then we'll call it a night, call

it a day, or whatever, alright, let's try to, let's try to grow on a, on a funny note,

let's call some, let's call Lonesome Losers number, we were gonna call Zetro Grocery,

right, and we, and, uh, we didn't get through, so instead, now, we'll call Erotic Bakery,

Oh, there's a place called Chink About It?

Oh, that's funny.

Chink About It.

Let's call that.

What do you think they make there?

Like chain mail?

Chains?

Chink About It?

I'm going to accuse him of something.

You remember that guy?

Where do we call?

The same day we called Grits and Grocery.

Wasn't there a sweatshop?

There was a sweatshop that day, wasn't there?

Oh, yeah.

There was a sweatshop.

That was a great call.

Here it is.

Harry's Sweatshop.

Remember I kept calling the guy Harry?

He's like

This isn't Harry

This is Bill

Yeah

It's like

Yeah what's up Harry

Okay cool

We'll call Harry a sweatshop

We'll do that right now

Hang on

Let me find a fucking song

Here to play

And we'll do that

Thank God for Lonesome Loser

The hardest working man

At ECU

Alright let's try that

We'll call Harry

We'll call Chink about it

And we'll see from there

What the hell are you doing

I'm alive

Fuck off

Damn it

Okay moving on

Let's call what Lonesome Loser

Has just confirmed

Yeah

Okay

Okay, let's call Chink About It.

Chink About It.

Hello?

Hello, Chink About It?

Yeah.

Hi, my name is John Masters.

I'm an attorney, and I'd like to let you know that we are not very happy with the fact that you have a place with a racist name and title of it,

and I represent the Chinese Chamber of Commerce here in Belgrade,

and we'd like to know if you're willing, before we have to do any legal action, to actually change the name of your establishment.

I'm, can I just make something clear?

Like, that's not what we're intending at all.

I wasn't really aware that it was offensive.

It's actually the name of what we do.

It's called log chinking, and the product that we use is called Chink.

These words are coming out of your mouth.

I'm really sorry, but they all turn.

I don't know what to tell you.

I mean, in this day and age, how could you not run that

and just see the fact that the CH word would not fly?

I mean, I'll tell you what, I have a great track history.

We had a place here in town also called Spick and Span, maid cleaning.

They're out of business, and you know why.

That word, Spick, with the S word.

I like to call it the S word.

I'm sorry.

I guess I just don't understand that.

Can you hang on just one second?

I'm on my other phone.

I just need to hang up.

Maggie, I'll call you back in a few minutes, okay?

Bye.

Are you Chinese-American?

No, I'm not.

Are you Japanese-American?

No, I'm not.

Okay.

I am Caucasian.

I'm really sorry, I didn't realize that this was offensive.

It's actually the term of what we do.

You chink?

Yes.

It's an actual term.

I don't know what else anyone calls it.

Ask any log builder.

Right, right.

And how do you chink a log?

Do you give it slanty eyes?

No.

You apply a, it's like a latex-based product called chink,

and you put that in between the gap between the two logs.

It's actually called chinking.

Is it some kind of sexual connotation?

I can actually give you the name of our distributor,

which is a national company that prints log chinking on their bucket.

I just want to ask you, I know you're maybe ignorant or just something,

but let's try to refer to the CH word from now on.

The CH word?

Yes.

Okay.

Okay. Is there a way that I could get you to call me back when my partner's at home?

He's working right now.

What's her name?

It's his name. His name's Lucas Dreesen.

Okay. Lucas?

Yes.

I can do that? At what time? About when?

I'm not sure when he's going to get home today. Could I get a number to reach you at?

Sure. Are you ready?

One second.

Okay.

1-888-278-8509.

8509.

Ask for John Masters.

John Masters.

Right.

And you can just let them know you're from CH word about it.

Okay.

You know, I really don't want to have to put you guys up.

Don't make me do this.

I'm not a bad person.

I was in Vietnam.

I killed a lot of gooks and slopes and Japs.

But, you know, when it comes down to the CH word, we're not down with that.

We're not going to have that here in town.

I'm really sorry.

And we're trying to push all the racist people out of Belgrade.

I'm not racist by any means.

But when you have a racist word in the title, I mean, it's like...

It's a technical term.

I've never heard it used as a racist terminology.

I'm sorry.

Did you know there was a Klansman in town that had a boat service called Triple K Boat Service?

No, I had no idea.

He called it Triple K Boat Service, and we actually investigated it,

and he admitted that he meant KKK Boat Service.

Okay.

I'm sorry, but I can promise you, I can assure you that we had no intention of...

Ignoring the law is not an excuse.

Ignorance of the law is no excuse

And I mean I don't know what else to tell you

But you sound like a very sexy lady yourself

But you know

Something's going to have to come

Call back when your partner's in

And we'll get it all straightened out

Are you prepared to change your name?

You can call me at any time

But we have a list of a few names

That maybe you might be thinking about changing your company to

We'll take care of it

Don't worry about it honey bye

Alright sweetie

Charlie's

How about we eat dog about it

Oh man

Crazy Chinese

I can't believe she never

She freaked out

I feel bad now because she seems really genuine

If she calls back I'll tell her it was a joke

That was a funny thing

I don't think she's genuine dude

I think she thinks

She can get pulled off

Uber says we're bad

Bad people

people this is funny man hey we're bad we're funny oh man that's it's crazy caucasian she says

jay nefarious is caucasian that's funny caucasian hey jay neff welcome back jay nefarious welcome

back in the chat room man welcome back welcome back in earth dog too in there welcome welcome

back earth dog good to see you welcome back good to have you in there man and uh yeah what time is

now? 635? We got time for another call,

I think? Hell yeah, it's time. We got

plenty of time. Let's dial some up. We on a roll

now, Jackson Brown. Let's do

one more, and I think that might

be it. We'll see what we do here.

Erotic Bakery? Eh.

Hey, do you still have that number for the black dudes

that we called that night?

The black and brown, they were on the call

talking over and over, and you're freaking your girlfriend

out. You know, I don't

really remember.

Hey, the National News is talking about the hurricane

now. Ain't that something? I think I'm gonna

It's a damn storm.

It's a tropical storm.

I know.

There's bullshit.

Oh, it's going to hit North Carolina on Thursday.

Watch out, Jonathan.

Jonathan's in trouble, motherfucker.

Cool.

That's something.

You know, we need to prank call people in Miami about the storm.

We don't like North Carolina.

There you go.

We got to prank call people.

Yeah, tell them you're offering your emergency protection services, you know.

It only, you know, $150 an hour.

Here's a call for everybody.

Everybody out there.

They're trying to find...

You got special on gasoline for $10 a gallon?

Well, no.

People out there are trying to find numbers for people in Liberty City, Florida.

That's the Miami ghetto in Miami, in Florida here.

I'm going to tell them that they're being evacuated.

Forcibly evacuated.

And we're also going to search their homes for drugs.

Like Clone said happens.

Lonesome Loser is explaining...

What's he saying here?

He has to ask for KDK4.

I don't think he has it up for download on the site.

Oh, okay.

Okay, there's a Bangalore call that Ted did.

Okay.

I gotcha.

Okay, let's call Erotic Bakery.

And then, you know what?

Fuck that.

Let me try to call someone in Miami.

Hang on.

Who we got in Miami here?

In the Lonesome Loser archives.

Let's call the live people.

Oh, we got a bunch of numbers here in Miami.

Confirmed originally on August 18th, 11 days ago.

We have a 7-Eleven store in Miami.

Okay.

I hope they have gas there.

Some of them don't, but we'll call them.

I'm going to accuse them of price gouging the price of their gas because of the storm,

and not for any other reason.

That's right.

Tell them you're out in the parking lot and you're looking for the gas pump.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was funny.

Ah, shit.

Okay, here comes the next prank call of the night.

7-Eleven in Miami, about to be hit by a tropical storm slash hurricane.

Maybe I'm going to hell for this, but what can you do?

We can't all be winners around here.

Ah, you're not going to hell, man.

There's no room left.

Not for me.

Not for my fat ass.

That's not a 7-Eleven

Shit

This is the problem

With doing live prank calls

They're not always great

They don't always work

We try to do what we do

But that's why I make

But hey

That's why I do a podcast

I take all the bad crap

Out of the podcast

And all you get is pure

Show goodness

Song for a break

A new Obitrice song

I've got a number here for Hunter's Food and Spirits.

Hunter's Food and Spirits?

Hunter Long?

Probably not.

Hunter Food and Spirits.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Send it over to me.

We'll call him now.

I'll ask about his spirits.

Ooh.

You know, and Earth Dog brings up a good point.

Earth Dog brings up a good point, Milkman.

Obie Trice has a new album.

I haven't even checked it out yet.

It's been out for, I think, a week or two now.

I know you don't know who I'm talking about, but I've got to check that out.

I'm going to check out that song he sent to me now.

Obitrice is a very good rapper.

Very funny guy.

Very nice guy.

I like him.

We'll play a song of his next.

Did you send that number to me yet, sir?

Yeah, sure.

Where is it at?

It's right on your Google.

Yeah.

There we go.

In St. Thomas, no less.

Okay.

Good deal.

Do you know these people?

Or do you know this place?

Have you been there?

Nope.

Let's call them.

Okay.

Fine.

We'll call them.

Here we go.

Nope.

Here we go, bitches.

Obitrice.

Old Obitrice.

Closed.

I guess.

Hey, dude.

Guess what?

Yep.

Hello.

Hello, hello.

Oh, hello.

The operator is not available.

Exiting the system.

Goodbye.

Bye.

All right, she'll come back.

Lonesome Loser sent me out.

Enter your destination number.

Look, the Little Haiti Supermarket.

This is the Little Haiti Supermarket in Miami.

The Little Haiti Supermarket from Lonesome Loser.

Hello.

Hey, yes, hi.

This is John Masters.

Yes, sir.

Can I help you?

Okay.

I'm with the Citizens Auxiliary Service.

So who?

The Citizens Auxiliary Service.

Ah, what can I help you?

You're in an evacuation zone.

You have about 10 minutes to pack up everything you can and get ready to get on the bus.

No, we don't have an evacuation, man.

You're talking with the wrong person.

No, no, no.

You guys are on 2nd Avenue?

Yeah.

We're evacuating everybody in the Northeast from 1st Avenue all the way to 15th, sir, in a flood zone.

We're leaving soon.

We're leaving in 10 minutes.

Okay, but we're coming up with everything.

How many people do you have in your establishment right now?

No, no, no.

We got 100 per day.

This is a supermarket, man

Yeah, I know

Everybody's got to get out

Get them out, get them out

Come on

Yeah, we're getting out right now

No, there's a bus outside right now

Seriously, get out

I'm watching you

Get out of here already

What's the fucking hold up?

We need your keys to the store

Keys to the store

I need you to put all your

Hang on, I got to call it back

Tell him I need him to put all the money in a

In a, in a

In a bag

For instance

Put it in a shopping

In a plastic shopping

Unmarked plastic shopping bag

With the store keys

Now

Your current balance

Will allow you to talk for

and return it to them if they survive.

Five hours, 53 minutes, 32 seconds.

You're part of the Minuteman Corporation.

Here comes Fat Albert, everybody.

Hold your ears.

Hey, hey, hey.

How you doing today?

You.

Yo, fuck you, bitch, motherfucker.

It's Fat Albert.

I'm still standing.

I'm still standing, you might have gone.

Yeah, fuck him.

Fuck Cubans.

I hate Cubans.

Yes, sirree.

I hate Cubans.

That's all about me.

Oh, that was a good one.

Fuck you.

What did he say anyway?

Let's see.

Hey, you know what?

We can get that on the talkback on the instant replay via the Madhouse Radio Network.

All right.

Let's try to get that.

Yay.

What is that on you, girl?

I'm still standing.

All right.

That was.

I'm still standing, you monocle.

We lost it in stereo.

Hang on.

We'll get it here.

See what happened there.

See where we went wrong.

In a bag.

That's going to take a while to come back up.

While we get that, we got Bev's West Indian 99 cent store in Miami.

let's try to give them

an evacuation request also.

West Indian 99 cent store.

I don't know how much everything is.

How North is it different?

Oh, West Indian is you guys, right?

That's Caribbean.

Yeah, man, yeah.

All right, let's try this again.

Let's hear it.

Hang on, listen.

That's a conclusion, man.

Hang on.

Hold your ears.

Daniel from San Carlos.

How you doing today?

Yeah, you from Red Bridge, man.

Don't fuck you bitch motherfuckers, fam.

Why'd you talk over it?

God damn it, Milkman.

We're trying to play

for everybody to hear.

Now no one's going to know what it was about.

Sorry.

You bastard.

You bastard son of a cock.

Okay.

The next song, I don't know what it's going to be,

but the next call is going to be to Bev's West Indian 99-Cent Store in Miami, Florida.

Yes.

Here comes that right now.

Hello?

How are you?

Hello?

What's the noise?

What, you bitch?

Stupid bitch.

West Indians.

Me too.

Man, give me a chance.

God damn it.

I'm going to wait for the bitch to come back.

We'll try her again.

Yeah, I don't like that word evacuated either.

Enter your destination number now.

Hello?

Hey, why you hang up on me?

Huh?

Why you hang up the phone?

I didn't hear anybody on the other side.

Well, I only have a quarter.

I don't have one quarter left now.

I'm calling from a pay phone.

Oh, who's this?

My name is Eddie Garcia.

I'm with the Citizens Auxiliary Patrol.

You guys are in the flood zone.

You're on Northwest and the 199th Street, right?

Yes.

Hold on.

Can you hold on a second?

Hurry up.

I'm going to give the phone to my dad.

Hurry up.

It's the police department.

Oh, no, it's not.

Hey, how you doing?

I'm not with the...

Who's that?

I'm not with the police.

What are you talking about?

I'm with the government.

You know, we're friends with the...

You know, look,

I'm with the Citizens Auxiliary Patrol, okay?

You guys are in a flood zone

and we need to evacuate you guys, mandatory.

We're going to evacuate you guys to Houston.

Look, it's not a joking matter.

You know there's a store coming...

Well, because this time there's a storm coming in

and we don't want to take any chances.

Very good

I was the one before that

Well to be honest with you

We don't really care about

West Indians or anybody

In your part of town

But I mean now

Okay

Goodbye

The government says

We got to

Yeah

That pissed me off

Oops

You should have got

Plastic bags

With all the money

I didn't get that

Combination of the safe

And the keys to the store

You know what would be perfect

You could go turn

In a Cuban store

You know what we need

Can you call

Great Scott man

I mean is he busy and shit

If we could get him

To call them

Please Andrew

I guess

I don't even know his stinking number.

Is 800 Lumber still open?

Yeah, toll free line's open.

It's busy now.

I'm on the phone, but, you know, when I hang off the phone, I'm going to be open.

This is going to be the last call, dude.

I've got to get out of here.

Scott on a good call, because they're not answering.

We'll try one more if this doesn't work.

That's it.

Uh-oh.

Here they come.

They ain't answering.

Good.

Next.

The minute, man.

That's how I like to tell them you're having a big hurricane party.

I need 99 cent beer.

Okay.

How much is your beer?

99 cent.

How much is that?

We don't have no beer out of here.

Whatever.

Hey, dude, keep in mind, what do you want to do the next 420 show on?

Friday?

As long as my schedule's open, so I'll do one Friday.

It's been good so far.

Let's do one.

Friday.

Friday it is.

Let's do another one, man.

Friday.

What time we start?

2 o'clock.

You're right.

Yeah, right.

I say that now.

He says that now in jest.

But, Milkman, we've got to say our final goodbyes, man.

I've got about seven minutes before I absolutely have to be out of here.

And, yeah, we've got to do that.

Do one call, and then we'll do a quick goodbye.

I don't have time, my friend.

I don't have time.

I'm sorry.

I wish I could, but we'll be back on Thursday.

One quick call, bro.

You son of a cock.

Okay, fine.

Let's see here.

Lonesome loser, don't bother confirming any more numbers.

If you're confirming one now, confirm it and send it to me.

But other than that, let's hold off.

Who can I call?

We'll call Iggy's Beach Bar and Grill, right?

This is the one you sent me now in St. Thomas?

Okay, we'll call that one then.

Fine.

Last call of the day.

I hope they're okay.

Have a little bit of fun there, animal.

Can we try?

Good night, thanks for calling.

Your name is Allison.

How may I help you?

Good night, Allison.

How are you?

Hello?

Hello, how are you?

Ma'am.

Allison, you cunt.

God damn it.

Please enter your destination number.

I give up.

Call right back, man.

I'm not calling back.

We got to get out of here.

I'm serious.

I'm going to be late for my appointment, man.

You're going to fuck me over.

I got to get out.

I got to tie my tie.

I don't know how to do that.

We'll call and ask for Gilligan.

Yeah.

Goodbye is real quick.

Dude, say our thanks and goodbyes real quick while I set everything up here so we can sign off.

All right, man.

I'd like to thank everybody for tuning in today to this wonderful 420 show, man.

I hope everybody caught a nice one, man.

I got a contact buzz from Proxy, man.

I want to give him a shout-out.

And a big thank you to Mr. Matt, the one and only master of IRC here,

provides us with this wonderful boxing ring here we call a chat room.

Everybody can knock their teeth out of everybody, come back smiling after their ban has been lifted.

Also, I'd like to thank Dr. Lego, who called in, a wonderful sponsor,

provides us with this great stream so we can tickle your ear balls all around on this planet.

Thank you so much, Dr. Lego, for carrying our voice.

And KDK, the man with the vision, the legend that created this wonderful community we call PCU,

the man that had the foresight to realize that Carlito's talent would shine above others

and that he deserved a spot on PCU.

Thank God for KDK.

Also, I'd like to thank my fearless leader,

Hermano, my brother, my general, my admiral,

my commander, car leader of the Madhouse,

my fearless leader.

Thank you, and God bless you.

Hold on to your shorts, also.

And Athena, also, and the kitty cat.

Thank you so much.

And everybody out there in PTU land,

all of our listeners,

it is all about you.

It's why we do this.

We don't make a dime,

but we sure spend a few

to keep you guys laughing.

and also remember

tune in this Friday

we've got a next

daytime show

have your numbers ready

give us some good numbers

we'll call your boss

we'll call everybody

this Friday

from about

2 to 4 p.m.

be looking for us

also Sin Clan

thanks a lot

everybody out there

have a good night

back to you

Big Carly

back to me

in the studio

well thank you

to all them people

we'll get everybody

everybody

we'll be on Thursday night

this show

if you missed it

if you're just

catching it now

like some of you

I'm the legendary, I'm the legendary Mr. Lonesome Loser, the hardest working man, we couldn't

do it without you, thank you brother.

That's KDK, thanks Lonesome Loser for everything, anti-drug, acid, anti-drug sending numbers,

everybody's sending numbers, all of you out there, Earthdog, thank you for everything

man, Andy, out there listening and shit, Jonathan called in, Jonathan called in and

everything, that's right, so there it is, we're gonna go, thank you everybody, have

a good week, this show will be on a podcast if you didn't catch it, so.

See you this Friday, Thursday night.

Thursday night, 10 p.m. Eastern.

Uber on QR.

Yes, Uber says konnichiwa.

Whatever.

Bye, guys.

Peace out, everybody.

We'll catch you here soon.

No, on QR.

On QR.

Damn it, man.

He owned us.

I just gave it to his baby.

He didn't interrupt me.

I can't kill a tree, man.

We're going to say beat your butt, buddy.

I'm going to hit his butt.

What the fuck is this?

Man, you're gay, man.

You don't know who you is, boy.

Who the fuck is this?

This is Herbert.

He don't know what I did.

I don't want to fuck with like this.

I like that shit.

I hate Tammy.

I don't know.

I hate getting my number.

I got your dirty laundry.

Who the hell is your ticket?

I got your dirty laundry over here.

Who?

Who is it?

Oh, on my face.

I don't want to have to do that.

I don't want to fuck with my house.

I want one person right here and that person for the rest.

Can't stay in your car.

You like this shit?

You know a black number.

Don't make me call the police.

Yeah, you know what's up.

Yeah, I got shit.

I don't want to blackmail you.

So scared.

What's your problem now?

Drive turkey, you bitch.

You didn't hear, boy.

You drive turkey motherfucker.

Who the shit you on?

What do you mean?

Man, you can show me a picture.

I'm about to go whoop some motherfuckers ass

because I don't even know who the fuck you talking about.

How much you going to charge you guys?

Pick somebody up over here to attack us at.

Man, this ain't no motherfucking task at all.

I'm coming fucking picking somebody up.

I'm going to whoop their goddamn ass.

I kicked your ass.

You got a little bit to do in your goddamn mother.

What?

You motherfuckin' nigger, how you like that, you piece of shit?

I'm not a fuckin' nigger, Smith.

You nigger, motherfucker.

How you like it, man?

What?

Man, I'm a motherfuckin' sister of the goddamn phone.

There's no white man that don't wanna hear from no goddamn niggers callin' me in the fuckin' middle of the night.

Listen, listen, boy.

Listen, boy.

I'll show you a boy in a 12-gig shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen, cracker.

I'm gonna add three letters.

Listen here, cracker.

You got that, hockey?

i'll show you some fucking three-letter motherfuckers i'll see you here i'll see you

here are you michael fraser man this ain't michael fraser man this is a white man uh look let me just

ask you real quick first of all um why don't you shut the hell why don't you shut the hell up

fuck you stupid bitch how you guys doing man staying in hallelujah got it state yes

i'm only one over here i cannot uh drop a chicken on you we would give you a couple hundred dollars

is okay are you ready i wish i was the governor just pretend i'm sitting on you okay no problem

okay i don't gotta go

please do wash your hands yeah some kind of life you have where you have to do this so this is a

very interesting radio you have very interesting radio thing if you have that you know because

like that's um it just shows me that you have like nothing going no i got plenty this is what

We do, man.

I do this all the time.

I get lots of...

This is what you do, like, you know what I mean?

Talk stupid.

Yeah, yeah.

Apparently, huh?

People actually listen to this shit.

People, everybody listens to this shit.

Not everybody, because anybody with a half a brain that I know don't listen.

Anybody with a half a brain would listen to this show instead of eating your shitty-ass pizza.

How old are you?

Thirteen.

Yeah, fucking right.

You sound like you're fucking eighteen or nineteen.

Thirteen, I said.

Yeah, right.

Yes, I was born thirteen years ago, last Friday.

I'm hanging up, and you better not call.

Do you have stripes in your underwear?

Do I have what?

Stripes in your underwear.

You are a sick fuck.

Come on, let me talk to your sister, man.

Be a pal.

No!

Have you ever seen your sister naked?

No!

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up

or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (30, 1 h 8 min of 2 h 27 min)

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