2006-09-14 Show

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up or I'm going to find out who you're going to punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

You want to do this tonight, guys?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

All right.

Well, hey.

Sorry for blowing out your ears, everybody, but Madhouse Radio is on the air.

Good evening, everybody.

We are here.

How are you guys tonight?

Doing all right.

Oh, good, man.

We are good.

Got some good news.

Uh, good news from Clone Homegrown coming up next.

Uh, but, uh, yeah, let's just say hi to everybody for, uh, a Thursday, the 14th of September show.

10, 13 p.m. We're starting late, but we're starting.

Milkman, Milkman from the Virgin Islands is, uh, checking in on Satellite Linkup.

Milkman, how are you tonight?

Hey, Carlito, man. Everything's great, man.

Glad to be back in the madhouse, man.

Yeah.

For all of our friends out there and the new networks and all the different listeners,

that we've got a great show coming up for you, man.

We're going to crush some cans tonight, man.

We're ready to rock and roll, baby.

God bless you.

Mike, I'm excited about it.

Um, we got that.

We're getting a bad echo from Cloned all of a sudden.

Not sure what happened there, but...

All right.

Uh, Cloned Homegrown from Texas.

Sorry about that.

Okay.

That's a really bad echo.

What's going on?

What, you unplugged your headphones there?

I got a headset.

It echoes everything you say.

It's a really weird thing.

You should have checked that out before.

It was working out fine earlier.

I don't know what happened now.

Huh.

It is, but yeah.

I can switch.

All right, try switching real quick, and we'll fix that later.

This is a little feedback there.

I hear myself coming back at myself, and it's kind of weird.

But yeah, we're here, everybody.

Clone's here.

He'll be back in a second.

Lonesome Loser's in the chat room.

Milkman's ready.

Athena's here next to me.

Tonight, we're going to do a show.

I'm not feeling 100% tonight.

We'll see how long I last.

I'll warn you all now that it may be a short show tonight.

I'm sorry, guys.

Milkman, I apologize in advance for not telling you in advance,

but this is as advanced as advanced can be.

Advanced.

I know you've been busy.

We're in the advanced.

Oh, yeah.

A little bit under the weather there.

A little cold setting in.

Oh, yeah, I'm busy.

It's all right, man.

We're going to make a great outing of it.

Everybody's going to come along for a ride and have a great time.

Yeah, I've kept myself busy, that's for sure.

Hey, Milkman, what's going on in the world that we can talk about right now?

What's going on?

I'm out of the loop.

Hey, man, everything's going great.

Hey, Castro's back.

Good.

He had a summit with all the Axis Evil members that are siding against the United States now.

No shit.

And happy to know that Castro is still in loyal opposition.

Yeah, well, that's good.

We need an enemy.

The space station is coming along fine.

Good.

I heard the...

The space shuttle went up there and they erected some new panels, new solar panels to power the station.

so uh we got a whole new wing out there that's gonna be uh self-powered now so let me drain the

batteries down they erected it huh yeah man they erected it that's funny so good for them

good for nasa and their erections today are you hearing a little bit of bacon are you

frying some bacon there no no we uh we took cloned off clone was making some bacon over

there let's see if he's done making bacon hang on smoke man turn the music down all right all

All right, here you go.

All right, good.

All right, let's see.

He's making bacon still.

Okay, well, we'll put clone back on hold.

But, yeah, speaking of hold and phones and clones, stuff like that,

you can call us here tonight, toll-free, anywhere in the country.

And that's that.

What is that, that, McCartney?

That freaking number is 888-278-8509.

Again, the toll-free line tonight is 888-278-8509.

It's on our dime.

Wow, man.

Yeah.

Take some of your time, and we drop the dime.

Yes, we drop dimes, too.

Hey, if you want to reach us on AOL Instant Messenger, you can do so.

Message us at MadhouseRadio.

You can message us on Yahoo Messenger at MadhousePCURadio.

And you can also visit us online at MadhouseLive.com.

We are also on MSN Messenger, MadhousePCURadio at Hotmail.com.

On MSN Messenger, be sure to visit MadhouseLive.com.

There's plenty of new stuff on there.

We have restructured our archives.

We've updated the archives.

Very much more user-friendly now.

And you can also...

That looks great, man.

Thank you.

I was over checking out, man.

You did a great job, man.

I tried.

You've become quite the webmaster.

Well, hey, I'm very happy about that.

Thank you very much, Milkman, for recognizing me in that respect.

And also, of course, there's the new Request a Prank feature.

If you want to request a prank, you can, of course, still submit that to us in the chat room.

and on an instant messenger,

but you can also send it to us

and it delivers immediately to my desktop here.

You send your prank request

and it shows up here in the studio immediately.

How does that work?

You go to madhouselive.com,

click on the request a prank link,

the request a prank link,

and enter your information

and it goes straight to us here

in the Madhouse Radio Show studio

and we do the call for you.

It's that easy, everybody,

and we don't charge you a dime at all.

We don't charge for that service.

that is a service that we provide to all

free-born Christians

in the world, yes.

Let's check on Clone. Let's see if Clone is

Brian Bacon still. Hey, Bacon.

Clone, are you there? Please respond.

I guess he's not there.

Well, I guess he's hitting the bong, man,

in the other room still. He's doing something.

Alright, we'll wait on him.

Join the chatroom, why don't you, if you're listening.

You can join the chatroom

at kdkprankhalls.com

Preferably go to

PCURadio.com

Join the chat room

You can also join the chat room over at

MadhouseLive.com

Click on the listen join link

And join the chat room

Instructions are all there

In black and white and yellow and green

You can't miss it everybody

And you can't miss this show

So tell everybody about your good times

Listening to us here

Tonight subscribe to the podcast

Blah blah blah

Are we done talking about everything

your enemies yeah mom dad your brother your sister everybody's welcome your mother your

sister your father as our good friend sam at the dunkin donuts would say he would be sure to

include all my family who doesn't like us i have no brothers or sisters but oh you could die yeah

he's an ass hey the chat room speaking of which lonesome losers in the chat room perfect and

let's see what numbers we have why don't we the hardest working man in the free world

Lonesome Loser says

He has sent us here

Heartbreakers Nightclub, Texas

Bones and the girls

Dressing room

That is confirmed

We also have the Midtown

Restaurant

We have the Midtown Restaurant in Philly

Some guy named Nick keeps calling myself in this place

He says

Looking for someone named Nicky who works there

So we can call back with news from Nicky

Alright

That sounds like a plan

We also have

Beaners Central

Oh here's something great

Beaners Central

Now Beaners Central

Obviously we can go

With a Mexican angle

With that car right

That's what I'm thinking

Beaners Central

And Duluth MN

Homeland Security

What state is MN

Minnesota

Right

Don't we always have this

Minnesota

Is that Manassas

Is there a Manassas state

State of Manassas

No

Is it Maryland

No there's no

Manassas in Virginia

Manassas

I like to live in Manassas

Man-ass-ass

Do you think there's a lot of gay people in Manassas?

Manassas?

I figure if they're not in Manassas

They're probably in the chat already

Hey Milkman

Go ahead and pull up a Wikipedia page

On Manassas, Virginia

See if they have a Wikipedia page there

And read us what the information on the city of Manassas is

I'm just curious if you don't mind

Alright

It's going to take me a minute

You got me off guard there.

Oh, you should be ready.

I closed my browser.

You should be ready.

Well, I closed my browser because...

You should be like a Minuteman.

...I haven't asked me for a while to pull any nervous wire services.

You should be like a Minuteman, I said.

A Minuteman.

Oh, a Minuteman speaking.

Yeah.

Yeah, Milkman's dead, everybody.

I heard you got your Mustang back.

My Mustang?

What Mustang?

Yeah, the Minuteman that took off with your Mustang.

Oh, that was a call from two weeks ago.

Um

We never

We never got a call back on that

Holy shit

What if there really was a

A guy who stole my

A Minuteman who stole my Mustang

Yo

Cause that's right again

You gotta play to Mexico City right now

Clone Homegrown

Checking in with a fart

Clone Homegrown are you back?

Testing

Testing you bitch

Yeah

There we go

You bitch

Excellent

Clone

Hey

We got Clone

Yeah

I don't know what I'm doing guys

Tonight

Honestly

I'm in a weird mood

going crazy

I'm going crazy

with the smoke weed

every day

we're gonna have

a crazy good time

as far as I see it

Clone Homebrew

knows is a hit

for every time

I play that tonight

smoke weed

every day

we got 8 left

you're hot too

that lady

killer kind

yeah man

so what else

can we say

Milkman any news

on Manassas

not yet

the browser's

still coming up

oh jeez

Milkman with

a Pentium 2

what have we

not heard

with the last person

with Anna Nicole's son

Howard Kayster

Howard Kaystern, though. Howard Kaystern is a different person. Howard Kaystern is the lawyer.

Yeah, but I don't, I think, yeah, nice try. I'm a little more in the know than that.

But yeah, so that kid died, huh? Is that all about it? That sucks. What can you do?

Well, at least she has a baby out of the dead.

They said they found him dead in the hospital room. The mom had been through labor and whatever.

They reached over to check the son out and saw he was sleeping and he was cold.

He was cold

He was cold in the chair

Yeah so who knows

They suspect possible

Foul play

I don't know man

He probably just

I heard it was drugs

But who knows

Yeah maybe he just

Overdosed on his

Prescription in an accident

Maybe he got there

And he put

You know

He said he had to

Get to sleep

Because he

You know

Been out or something

I'll tell you man

These young kids these days

Getting that heroin and stuff

And all them downers

They just don't realize

Man it's just

Pretty sneaky shit

They'll just sneak up

Right on you

And before you know it

You wake up dead

Yeah exactly

Exactly.

It creeps up slow on you.

Yeah, exactly.

Who knows, man?

I'm sure the toxicology report will show us more on that, so we stay here with bated breath.

They say he was 20 years old.

Something like that.

He was a young buck.

Young kid.

But I remember seeing him on that stupid TV show, and he looked like a little kid.

That couldn't have been, what, four or five years ago?

Four or five years ago.

He looked like he was like 13 or 14, I think, back then.

I remember they showed him a few episodes and stuff.

He looked younger than that to me.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, everybody looks younger to you when you're like 60 years old, Milkman.

That's why.

True.

She looks better, too, with her big old fat ass voice.

She looks good.

Look at Milkman.

She doesn't look too good.

Look at Milkman.

Look at that.

That's how Milkman looks.

All right.

All right, everybody.

Let's do something.

Let's do a prank call.

Some kind of prank call.

We're going to call someone and harass them on the phone.

We were talking about who we had here.

Let me go through a little quicker.

They're Beaner Central, Effigy Tattoos, Doc Holidays, Fat Dat, Fly Girls, Dirty Franks, Poppies, Doobies, Tough Guy, Bowling Lines.

We've got a few pizza places.

We've got one called Wise Guys.

Let's see here.

We've got Magoo's Lodge, Magoo's Pizza.

Yeah, Wang Chung.

A few places called Wang Chung in San Francisco.

I don't even remember if Magoo's much less Wang Chung.

Man, I heard that.

Radio Shack in Honolulu.

Everybody Chung.

How does a Japanese person say Honolulu?

No fan?

Would it be Honoruru?

Yeah, Honoruru.

Honoruru.

Okay.

Let's call Radio Shack in Honoruru.

Hang on.

Let me get some music here.

I'm not ready to play music yet.

Ah, shit.

Yeah.

Radio Hack.

I hear that.

Fucking Radio Shack.

What's good there anyway?

Nothing.

It's a good place because you can...

Everything's good there, man.

If there's something you can get there instead of Best Buy or something, it's worth it because

you can get in and get out real quick if they have it.

It's a hit or miss kind of place.

It's so small, but they're everywhere, dude.

I'm telling you.

At that time, Manassas Junction was little more than a railroad crossing.

So it's a railroad crossing.

To fight these two Confederate victories.

Yeah, that's all it is.

That's Manassas.

Okay, I understand.

It's a railroad crossing in the middle of nowhere, everybody.

You heard it here first.

Okay.

And it was a site of two victories for the Confederate war.

Oh, good.

A war that nobody cares about unless you're in the South.

Gotcha.

you know we'll be right back with the first frank call attempt of the night damn it in the extended

madhouse network now just listening nobody nobody oh i thought we had some new uh new uh affiliates

no he's uh he's not around tonight to keep the stream i don't think i don't know if we're on

that stream i doubt it because he still has a hundred here's a problem i got uh what's that

guy's name lonesome loser he helped us out you know with our phone card for tonight but it talks

It talks in French.

I don't know what I do, what I hit.

Just dial it.

You know it's going to ask for the PIN number.

As soon as it pauses, dial it in.

It's talking some mess like that.

Translate.

Please call us back during our business hours from 3 p.m. to 8 p.m., Monday to Friday.

Oh, man.

I don't know what the hell is going on.

That was some kind of customer service.

I don't know.

The phone, bitch.

I might have the wrong number here.

Let me check.

Let me double check the number.

We are totally not ready to do a show tonight, dude.

It was a horrible, horrible night.

Not at all, man.

We're just getting warm.

Calling Hooters of Honolulu.

Christy speaking.

How may I help you?

Christy!

Hi.

Hey, how are you?

I'm good.

Hey, can I get phone numbers of the ladies in Hooters, man?

Because they're awesome.

Yeah, I'm glad you think they're awesome, but I'm not able to give those numbers.

What's your phone number, sweetie?

What was that?

What's your phone number, sweetie?

What's my phone number?

Yeah, I'm here. I'm calling on my cell phone.

My phone number is 524-466-

Why would you give that out to me, man?

I didn't get a chance to write it down.

You're supposed to write it down in the napkin and bring it over to me here at the bar.

Oh, really?

You're supposed to be all sexy right now.

That's awesome.

Well, I need to get going now, okay?

You have a wonderful day.

Why are you so pleasant?

Hello?

Oh, man.

Why, thank you.

She sounds like a flight attendant.

I don't like that.

I don't trust women like that.

She's too nice.

Hi, how are you today?

I like the drunk, hazy guy.

That's great, man.

Yeah.

Does he got a name?

You sounded like the chick on South Park from Raisins.

Yeah, that's what I was trying to get at, yeah.

Because remember when he kept calling to talk to her after that?

Was that Stan

That fell in love

With the

Girl at Raisins

Butters

Butters did

That's right

Butters man

That was hilarious

Okay hang on

Let me clear the line

Okay

You know I haven't seen

South Park in so long man

I don't know why

I just don't catch it anymore

Is it still on

It's still on

They have like such a

Quick

They have such a fast

Turnover rate

For their

For their shows

Like they

They create them

When they're out like

You know a week later

And stuff

It's really cool

Not a week

I'd say about two weeks later

yeah

Saigon is in the chat room

talking dumb shit

EarthDog says

Manassas

Virginia's were

Ron and Fez

in the hideout

broadcasted from

03 to 05

well that's cool

I know the hideout

I know Ron and Fez

Baltimore, Washington

metropolitan area

is it really

battle was 1861

oh yeah

the battle of Bull Run

who won Bull Run

did the Bulls win

second battle of Bull Run

also

I heard that

that was

the Bulls

were

Bulls 85

and the Celtics

68

Well, I think it was before Michael Jordan, so it might have been 87.

Michael Jordan had just been freed from slavery by the Emancipation Proclamation.

And he challenged General Lee to a basketball game,

the first game of basketball ever played between Michael Jordan and General Lee.

And Michael Jordan beat General Lee, and he claimed victory for the North.

And that led the way for General...

I never knew that the Confederates had a Chinese guy that was a general.

No, no, General Lee.

General Lee.

We know who General Lee is, man.

What's his first name?

Oh, okay, not General Saunders.

Yeah, that's the one.

Yeah, see, a clone knows what I'm talking about.

The car from Dukes of Hazzard, General Robert Lee,

and it was driven by Robert E. Lee,

and he played basketball against Michael Jordan,

and Michael Jordan won.

Wow.

You know that the Beltway sniper attacked 53-year-old Dean Harold Myers

and was shot while pumping gas at Sunoco.

Was he a black guy?

Well, yeah.

Dean Harold Myers.

You know what I don't understand?

K-N-E-E-G-R-O-W, Negro.

Well, what I don't understand is the fact that those two guys,

weren't they like black militants and black Muslims?

Malvo and Muhammad or whatever they were using that as an excuse.

Yeah, but they killed a bunch of...

But half the people they killed were black people, man.

Not half of them, but they shot a bunch of black people.

You know, I mean, what's the matter with that?

They were stupid.

What's his name was killing, and he was trying to pump the boy.

Was it John Lee Malibu or whatever?

He was punking him.

Had some kind of homosexual thing going on there.

Wasn't that his stepson or something?

Or his girlfriend's son?

Something like that.

I don't know.

That's a weird, freaky story.

Those two guys, man.

They were weird, man.

I mean, yeah.

Going out and butt-punking and shooting people.

Yeah, they killed people all the way in Atlanta.

I don't know.

Why are we talking about that shit?

I don't know, but Manassas became the first site of the wide-scale broadband over power lines, BPL, in the United States.

It's a 10-megabit service offered for $130 a month, man, to city residents.

Yeah, well, good.

That's great news, Milkman, great news.

So we're all caught up in Manassas, the site of that great battle between Michael Jordan and...

That's when one man is in whose ass.

That's a good question we should find out.

Get our people on that Athena right away.

Athena's working on it right now.

You hear her typing?

Type in one.

We should call him.

Hey, everybody.

Nunu's in the chat room.

Nunu.

Round of applause for Nunu.

Nunu's.

Yes.

And he's asking.

He says, he says, he says.

He saw a TV program on Saturday on Fundamentalist,

and there's a famous nutcase from Tennessee.

She hates porn, gays, and Muslims.

She's got two out of three, right?

June Griffin, Dayton, Tennessee.

And let's see here.

You saw her on the TV program trying to indoctrinate her grandkids.

They go to McDonald's every week and sing religious songs in there.

Well, that's something.

I just can't believe she hates gays.

Can you believe that?

I don't know.

We're very gay-friendly here.

Also, she said if they ever try to build a mosque in her hometown,

they will make sure they can't get planning permission for it, yada, yada, yada.

He suggested we call us Muslims, saying the area isn't ethically diverse enough,

so you're organizing a petition to change some of the street names

to one that would please Allah and make Muslims feel more at ease.

That's kind of funny.

I like that.

I like that idea.

This woman here is a bigger wanker than Sir Nuno.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, we can do that.

I guess we could do that.

Muhammad's circulation.

Yeah.

Do that.

What do I got here to...

Hey, yeah, you have to play your ash hat in a minute.

Allah!

I guess.

We'll do something here.

There's got to be a song we can play here that's Iranian or something like that

for these purposes.

Yeah, the ash hat song.

We don't have an asshat song.

We have an asshat...

Yeah, we do.

We have the asshat prayer.

We don't have the asshat song, do we?

That's it.

That's the only song we have.

Oh, man.

That sucks.

Someone wants to hear that while we wait.

I've got to be able to have...

Hang on, let's listen to some Iranian music.

We'll play the Punjabi girl.

Punjabi?

That's Indian.

No one can tell the difference.

Yeah, at least...

99% of our audience would not know the difference.

Yeah.

Yeah, they'll think it's the same thing.

Okay.

Alright, well, let's play something here.

Hang on.

This is not...

We're not doing an A-game show tonight, dude.

That's all my...

I don't have the juice tonight, man.

Hey, man, this is gonna be B for the best

and F for fantastic and funny.

Ah, fuck it.

We should probably start drinking until we're hammered.

Let's do that, then we can talk shit about everybody else.

How's that sound?

How do you dare, Blacker?

I guess.

Okay, well, here's Milkman...

Here's Milkman's request

Indian music for an Arab call

Technically it's very

Incorrect but whatever

We'll just pretend that we know what we're doing

So pretend this song is from Pakistan

Or something

There you go

Okay well that didn't work

But you know what sucks

I can't ever fucking hack an answer machine

I never have luck

Sucks

1-1-1, 2-2-2, 3-3-3, anything is three numbers in a row, man, that's all you do, you just

hit all of them as fast as you can, man, 1-2-3, 4-5-6, 7-8-9, and don't forget 10

limits wealth, yeah, hey, Slacker for Life, damn it, Slacker for Life in the chat room

says Survivor is racist shit, I have recorded the new Survivor episode from tonight, the

segregated Cook Island Survivor, the white, I haven't seen it yet, I don't know, I'll

I'll be watching it tonight after the show, though.

Which may be sooner than later.

Do you want to tell me when it gets kicked off?

Yeah, it just kicked off tonight.

I haven't seen it yet.

I got it recorded, but I haven't watched it yet.

It was on at 8 o'clock tonight.

No, do you want me to tell you when it gets kicked off?

No, don't tell me.

I'm going to watch it tonight, dude.

Tell me, was it good or was it bad?

It sucked.

Okay.

And there are 14.

The blacks, the Asians, the whites, and the Latinos.

Okay.

You already forgot.

I bet you didn't watch it.

But anyway.

No, I didn't.

You did, but you forgot.

No, that was like about two hits ago.

Yeah, okay, he got me.

You got him.

Dammit, I'm gonna put you on mute, you son of a bitch.

Don't give out who it was.

Don't say it in the chat room either, because I'll...

Anyways, the Slacker for Life says,

just another bunch of white people fucking over their brothers and sisters.

Well, that's right.

That's what I say.

There it is.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir, everybody.

Toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

And it's open.

Make yourself be heard, everybody.

Okay.

Wow, Dedede's going to kick Saigon's ass.

Good.

Good for him.

Good for Dedede sticking up for himself.

I want to apologize.

That didn't mean any disrespect to Lonesome Loser if I said the wrong number being sent.

And that's okay.

Hey, thanks, man.

If it wasn't for Lonesome Loser, we couldn't do any prank calls tonight.

He came through with a phone card.

Oh, man, we love Lonesome Loser.

Well, he took me out of being lazy because pretty much what happened, I went to the store tonight.

I made one trip to the store today, and I forgot to write down on the list, phone card.

And if not, I would have had to take in my car that has a flat tire.

I would have had to either change the tire or fill it up with air.

And that would have been a real big ordeal.

And, yeah, so he hooked a brother up with a phone card tonight, so thank you, dude.

Heck, yeah.

Yeah, anyway.

Push the car, nigga.

You push the car.

We've got more numbers here that we should be calling, folks.

We've got Voltron Electrical Company.

A Mexican woman answered there earlier tonight

So we will call Voltron Electrical Company

There's a number from man in the ass ass

Man in the ass ass is there really

Wow man good

That was one of the first numbers you read off

Oh yeah well good

We got time

We got time here everybody

Here comes the next prank call

Hope you get a man in the ass

Yeah I know you're excited about that

Well actually the chat room is

Dead

Oh yeah I tell you what

Hang on, folks.

I had a shocking experience

calling the Voltron Electric Company.

Ah, no luck with the Voltron Electric Company.

What do we do, guys?

What do we do?

Do we panic?

What do we do?

I'm panicking.

I'm scared.

I don't know.

Cycle through.

Don't stop.

Just roll on.

Don't stop.

Just roll on to death.

We will tonight.

Hey, guys.

Did you listen to KDK last night?

Can you update me?

I didn't hear the show last night.

What happened last night on the PCU?

Someone tell me.

Clone didn't hear it.

It lasted, what, about 45 minutes?

No, no, not even two hours or that.

Yeah?

What, he complained?

He did play a couple of funny prank calls from some new guys.

I heard him do a prank or two.

I had a phone call from my mother and stuff, so I couldn't really listen to the whole show.

I ripped it, but then when I come back to listen here, he was signing off.

Oh, what's that?

That's hard.

Carly's here now.

Milkman now.

This is something that KDK's been putting up for a while here.

They're saying that something big and famous is going to happen in October.

Is there any truth to this, or is this just rumor?

Absolutely.

What's going on?

There is truth to it, yes.

Yes, there is.

All right.

He's back with the troops, right?

He is going to Iraq with the troops.

He's been contacted by the USO to appear with Zolar and the Howard Stern crew.

Actually, they're going to do Captain Janks.

They're going to do a prank call, live prank calls right there in Iraq, apparently.

Actually, it's in Kuwait and Dubai.

No, guys, I'm not joking.

Seriously, this is the truth.

They're going to call up Islam Aladdin.

I mean, Osama bin Laden.

No, they're going to cheer up the troops.

And apparently, there's a part where they're going to have a group of guys just going to sit around doing prank calls.

and the troops will get to hear it.

And it's going to be, I believe it's at the air base in Kuwait

and a base in Dubai, I guess a naval port in Dubai.

And that's coming actually.

I can't wait to see KDK in army boots.

Yeah, army boots.

No, he won't play the army boots.

But no, seriously, there's going to be something going on.

Not that.

There's something coming down.

Can I be in army boots?

No, I don't know if I can tell.

I mean, that's KDK's thing.

I'll tell you what.

I'll tell you here.

Here's what I'll tell you.

Milkman, cue the music real quick, please.

All right.

Okay, this is what I'll let you know, what I'm allowed to let you know per my lawyers,

is it will be something, it's going to be something major, that's all I can say.

Yay!

Isn't it common knowledge?

Now we know more than we did about a minute ago.

It's common knowledge, he's going to do something.

He's going to do something somewhere with Howard Stern in the same room with Zolar,

and they're going to get naked and stuff.

And KDK

KDK is going to take one from the team

Alright

Saigon knows what it is

If you ask Saigon he'll tell you in the chat room

Go to the chat room he'll tell you

Is Saigon going to be part of this act?

He may be I think he is the third party in question

The second party in question

Oh okay pivot man

I think he is the catcher in this whole thing

Saigon is going to take two from the team

He definitely is

He's going to take more than two I'll tell you what

There's going to be a bologna in a fuck sandwich.

That's right.

So be tuned.

I'm sure that announcement will come soon, everybody.

And it's going to be great for all of us.

We love you, man.

We do.

You big asshole.

You're still funny.

We do.

Oh, no.

We love all our listeners.

Yeah, we like everybody.

We like everybody equally.

We love all our listeners in some way or fashion.

So anyway, we'll move right on, guys.

We'll try to do another prank call.

Oh, we have yet to have a successful...

Well, we talked to the Hooters chick, that's it.

Well, tonight so far we've accomplished talking to a Hooters girl who had a...

You got her number.

You ought to call her back on her cell phone.

Yeah, I took it off.

I didn't get the last two digits or something.

I don't know.

I didn't really pay attention.

You do.

I don't know.

She didn't really give me her phone.

Maybe she gave me the number to the cops.

I don't know.

What can you do?

Cool.

You should see the cops.

I should.

Clone has a great idea, everybody.

We're going to prank the cops.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they're going to get some more, man.

4-1-1.

Hey, Coleman, let's prank your P.O.

P.O.?

Yeah, come on, let's prank your P.O.

That's kind of scary.

I know, you don't want to prank your P.O.

Is it your...

Piss-ossifer.

Are you allowed to talk about that?

Is that a woman or a man that you report to monthly?

It's a dyke, actually.

Oh, yeah?

All right, so she's a dyke.

She's not hot at all.

Oh.

Okay.

Yeah, she's got a short mullet and everything.

Oh, that's nasty, really?

Wow, is she nice?

Is she cool at least, or is she a bitch?

Like, if you're a minute late, will she give you shit?

No, she's basically all strapplin' on if you fuck up.

Okay. Nice.

She's like them big, metal-studded, about 15-inch dildos, huh?

Probably, man.

She's got spikes at the end of her...

Yeah, you remember the Breckenstein movies with the spikes?

Yeah, like that. Yeah.

Dildo.

She talks like this.

Clone, get your ass in here and piss in this cup now.

That's nasty. While she watches you.

Hey guys, you guys ever wear a cock ring? I haven't.

Clone has

Milkman

You ever use a cock ring

Ever make one

I never found one big enough

Okay

Alright

That's my problem too

I've been looking around

I didn't know if you guys

Were to get those

Extra large cock rings

Athena's been trying to find one

Asked if they had any down here

And I said

They ain't got any that big here

I've been looking myself

Yeah I know

I was thinking

I might have to make

Some of this on PVC

Because I'm

I'm shaped like a

Like a

There's a place

Called Condom Sense

Well that's good

Condom Sense

Almost like condom sense

I get it

Hang on

We got a call

From North Carolina

mine, that only means one person.

Oh, of course.

Where's my cookies, buddy?

What's up, Carlito?

What's up, Jonathan?

Where are our cookies, man?

I sent them in on the way.

They're coming to Milkman.

What kind of cookies are you sending Milkman, exactly?

I think it's the best stuff I've ever had.

Okay, good deal.

Ones with love.

With love, Clone says.

Jonathan, let me ask you, what did you do for fun this week?

I went and go-karted around.

You did what now?

I have no idea what that is, sir. Can you explain that a little further?

Go-kart riding.

Go-kart riding. There's no such thing.

I've heard of, like, mini-kart riding.

Okay, like those little cars and shit that you put the lawnmower kind of thing on, huh?

Yeah, something like that.

Okay.

They call them go-karts down there.

Did you crash?

No.

Did you win?

Hey, um, I sent you a key number for Cheese Boy and the little cart lady.

cheese boy you did did you let's see here cheese boy you guys a low-carb

bash and a low-carb lady who didn't answer last time don't say your name

okay you got it hey okay I'll tell you what I promise I will call you cheese

is that a cell phone yeah okay I'll call cheese boy right now all right I promise

this time I won't fail you I will call cheese boy this time you're not gonna

read it out over the air we're not gonna read it over the air no no we're not

all right Jonathan want to say hi to anybody real quick while we have you on

I just want to say hello to all my listeners, and I hope you have a nice and safe weekend.

You too.

All right, then. Bye-bye now.

Bye, Jonathan. Thanks for the cookies, man.

Yeah, man. It's the weekend where you've been.

When do you start your new job? That's your new announcement, right?

I didn't know that.

It sounds pretty good. Maybe Cheeseball can help you out.

Okay, man. Whatever you say, man.

Clone Homegrown, you're starting your new show?

Your new show.

Yeah, right.

You're starting your new job on...

Yeah, it's a show, all right.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

Are you stapling?

Stapling roofs and stuff like that?

No, it's laser graphics.

Wow.

Laser graphics.

Wow, man.

4L.

That's something.

I have an interview tomorrow.

What time is my interview, Athena?

Oh, shit.

I don't know what I did with that.

Oh, you know what?

I think I put that in the wash.

I think I wrote...

Oh, shit.

It's at 3.30, but I forgot the address.

Oh, man.

I know the guy.

I got the website for the company.

Did you leave a message on your cell phone?

No, but I got the website information.

I got the website for the company.

It's in my history.

Thankfully.

Okay, I'm okay.

No sweat.

We'll figure it out.

I got a big formal interview, too, man.

Oh, yeah?

Do you?

Chemical analyst, man.

I think it's sounding pretty damn good.

Oh, that's good.

Look at it.

Everything's turning around.

out clone is already employed imagine that clone is clone is the only member of the show who's

employed now what the fuck that and then uh milkman has a motherfucker yeah milkman has a

development where did that come from oh my god milkman just kind of flipped on us real quick

jesus man you're an angry angry soul sir wow god that anger just came out

Yeah, well, Milkman, you take care of yourself, man.

I'm sure you'll come through with that, you know, soon.

Job-wise, I mean.

Oh, yeah, man.

Just like I'm sure I will, too.

I'll let you know about it, man.

All right, and don't forget us.

All the plans that we discussed will come to fruition.

Well, don't forget us here this time.

Last time you had a job and you kind of forgot about us.

Nah, it won't be that way.

It ain't that kind of job.

Okay, good.

Good, good.

I'm happy to hear that.

Yeah.

I'm working six to one.

Six to one, dude?

That's not that bad.

You get out at one o'clock, though.

That's a part-time thing, then, right?

Is that a full-time?

Okay.

But hell, if you've got to be up at six,

that means you've got to be in bed by midnight

if you're going to take a half-hour back

before you get hurt.

Yeah, probably.

Or to sleep.

Yeah, probably.

Probably.

I'm going to be playing an interview

that was on today

that nobody really knows about.

Artie Lang from the Howard Stern Show

did an interview today on NPR.

It was pretty funny.

It's about a half-hour long.

long. We'll play that at the end of the show. We'll play that

at the end of the show. Yeah, play it at the end of the show,

man, and we'll just give them a call here.

Mike Attee says... Jonathan, we're going to call

Jonathan's number? Yes, we are. Next.

Mike Attee says to stay on the

air. We're one of his favorite shows on Tonight So

Soon, I guess. Whatever you say, dude.

We'll try. We'll work on that. I don't know

how sincere he's being, but we'll do that.

Mike Attee says once KDK goes

into the studio, Howard will fire

Artie and hire KDK, apparently. I don't know

why Mike Attee's being really positive tonight.

You know, he's got a thing for KDK's backside.

Yep.

Well, you see, man, he hopes for a special video feed, right?

I don't know.

We'll see what happens.

To this guy's ass, because he don't get in stern shit.

Dude, he's going to be banging a transvestite who lives in an apartment that has, like,

150 cats in it or something like that, man.

I mean, dude.

Oh, man.

It's nasty.

It's going to be a nasty experience.

How are you going to ride on Saigon again?

Well, I mean, that's what Saigon's living conditions are like.

What do you want me to say, man?

He's being mean.

I didn't know he had so many cats.

I got one.

That's something over there, dude.

Let's play a song and let's do Jonathan's prank call like we promised him.

Let's see if this goes anywhere.

Let's get the song right to hell.

Okay, we're right back after this, folks.

Yes.

Hello, Cheese Boy.

Hey.

Hey, how you doing, Cheesy?

Who's this?

This is Michael.

Michael, you may have the wrong number.

No, I really need to talk to you, Cheese Boy.

I hear great things about you and your work.

You may have the wrong number, Cheese Boy.

Hey, don't call me Cheese Boy, number one.

You son of a bitch.

You faggot bitch.

Mr. Cheese?

Mr. Cheese.

I had to hold the cord in the phone for that call to work.

We're having phone trouble here, everybody, tonight.

It's working now, though.

It's working now.

I'm going to try to call him back.

Hang on.

See if I get him.

Tell him I'm sorry we must have got off on the wrong foot.

And I hope he's taking her cheesy.

Mr. Cheese.

Mr. Queso.

Hang on.

Try to get him back.

Velveeta's not cheese.

There's no way Velveeta's real cheese.

Cheese is still not good.

Your current balance will allow you to talk for...

I'll tell you what.

Government butter is like the best butter you can get.

Government butter is really good.

And the government peanut butter is not bad at all.

You get that box milk, too.

I think so.

Have a cell phone.

Look in your records.

Add a cell phone number.

This is where we're calling, dude.

He's at work.

11 o'clock.

The next house you are trying to reach is currently unavailable.

I know he's out there

We'll get him next week

Jonathan

We did that for you man

That was all for you

And only you

Hope you enjoyed that

What did he say

Son of a bitch

He said something rude there

Son of a bitch

Yeah well we've got

Another great clip

We're gonna have to do

Like a whole promo

Of just one liners

Of people cussing us out

Exactly

I love making people mad

Who are the angriest people

That we've had here

That we've called dude

Who can we call

Fuck you bitch

Motherfucker

That's the guy right there

you know every time it comes down to it we always call him back lonesome losers sending a number for

think amanda mcnaughton she does public relations for some actors and actresses in hollywood

that's interesting yeah i think pr let's try to call her all right amanda mcnaughton

it's almost like mcnaughty i'll try she probably doesn't know that i haven't reached commander

i'm unable to get on my phone right now so she's just she's just too loud dude she's just too loud

Have I ever called fuck you bitch motherfucker guy

As John Masters

Have I ever done that I don't think I have have I

I mean that's that's the way to go let's see if he picks up

It's not it's not midnight yet he'll probably pick up

Let's see what happens

Hang on what's his number

Hang on let me find him

I have to give her a toss up oh I have Milkman on

He's probably mad Milkman gets mad

When I put him on hold and I forget to take him off of mute

Sorry Milkman

He gets mad too he'll cuss me out tomorrow

I'll be like god damn it boy

You put me on hold too long

I'm going to kick your ass, I'll quit, and I'm going to hack you.

That's what he did last time I did it on accident.

Sorry, milkman, don't get mad.

This guy is under here under favorite Arab motherfucker.

Let's see if I can find him here.

My favorite crazy Arab donut guy.

You bitch motherfucker.

This is Sam at Dunkin' Donuts in Michigan.

Dunkin' Donuts.

Hello, how are you doing, sir?

Hello.

Hello, sir.

Yes.

Hey, sir, do you have any tables there that aren't attached to the...

To the, to the, um, you know, the chairs.

To the what?

To the chairs, you know, like chairs that come out because I'm very big and I can't fit in the booth.

No.

You don't have, they're all attached?

No.

That's not fair, man.

I weigh 482 pounds, you mean I can't come in and eat?

You're what?

I weigh 482 pounds and my sugar is low.

Okay.

And I need a donut or a candy or something.

You want candy?

No, I need a donut.

The doctor said get a donut.

Okay.

Well, I can't sit down and eat there.

You can't sit down and eat?

I weigh 482 pounds, sir.

Okay.

I have a size 68 waist.

Okay.

So do you have any, like, a chair that I can, you know, pull out instead of being attached?

No.

Then what do I do?

You're supposed to ride log for ride dots.

Do you have your fat man seating there?

No.

That's not fair.

How are you going to do that?

I need to come in and eat a donut.

Eat a donut?

Eat a donut.

Okay.

I have a right to go in there and eat all the donuts I can.

Okay, come here.

I can't sit down. What happened?

You can't sit down?

I can't fit in your chair.

Okay.

Do you have a chair you can let me use?

Yeah, I'm going to break for your chair. Don't worry about it.

Do you have an office chair?

Yeah.

Hey, can I ask you a question about your son's name?

No, because I'm, you know...

Where's your mother? Where's your mother?

Damn it. I waited too long.

This was the last part.

Where's your mother? I was going to ask him where his mother was.

Damn it.

Okay, Milkman's gonna reboot.

Milkman is gonna reboot his computer.

So we'll wait for that.

Maybe he'll be back later.

Yep.

What happens, man?

Problem with him?

Milkman, when he reboots, his computer's so old, it takes him like ten minutes.

No shit.

No lie.

He's still running Windows 95, I think.

So, yeah.

Really?

Yeah, Clone, are you excited about Windows Vista, man?

Smoke weed every day.

Yeah, Clone doesn't live in that world.

He doesn't care.

Clone can give a shit about Windows Vista.

He can give a...

Windows Vista and Bill Gates ass.

He could give a flying horse shit like me.

I'm drunk.

All right, here's the host.

Hello.

How are you?

Would you like happy meat?

I am a poop.

You're a poop?

I am a poop.

That's nasty.

Prince Poop himself.

Is he a poop or a happy meat?

Talk.

Tell me the truth.

Did you get your computer working or not?

What's the breaking news?

All I got to do is go down and get one of those newer AOL disks.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it was just, I just had an outage application.

Yeah, well, you can get that anywhere.

Can't you just go down to the grocery store and get one?

Well, I mean, I have to go, well, I mean, I can just go to the grocery store

at a Yeo Country store shoppy over here in the country.

Well, just go check the mail, like Clone says.

You probably got a few in there already, I'm sure.

No, I wish.

They're not sending them to me.

They don't like me very much.

They kind of stopped sending out those AOL lists, didn't they?

I don't see them as much as I used to.

You started ditching them way too much.

Oh, it sucks.

I dropped it.

Yeah, that's something.

That's all I have to do now.

I just have an older thing.

But after that, everybody will be back on in life.

All right.

So, again, we wait with bated breath another week.

Oh, like y'all care.

Y'all don't give a poopy poop about that.

Sure.

We're having a shit show tonight, man.

I'm not having much luck and everything is tough.

Uh-huh.

Man, we need you, man.

We need you to do what you do right.

What do I do right?

I don't understand.

What did you tell me?

I don't know.

You just do something, man.

Do I have the magic fingers?

I think you got the gold touch.

The gold finger.

This is artistic magic.

You got something.

Hang on.

Let me think.

Tell us something about how you feel today while I take a hit here.

Well, I feel a lot better because I have my thing back and now I will be...

Actually, what I'd like to tell you is the inking for the comic book story is almost done.

Okay.

i.e., we are one notch closer to getting the project finished, done, and out to all the good people at PCU in the world.

The comic book is going to be awesome.

I can't wait to buy my copy of that.

I want it.

I'm sure it will be autographed by you and KDK.

Yeah, there are still a couple of things I'm sort of waiting on KDK on about.

But as far as, like, the core batch of the book, yeah.

That's what I've been doing the past couple of weeks.

Is this pretty much a Jill Rosenthal story?

Is that what it's going to be?

Yeah.

There's a little Ed in there.

The next issue will be more Ed.

And we'll see from then on.

Like right now, Jill is the principal character.

Milkman is asking if there's going to be a UK distribution of the comic book.

A UK distribution of the comic book?

I guess I'll have to get in contact with all the U.K. distributors that I have a contract with.

And, you know, possibly, you never know.

You never know, guys.

You never, never know.

It will be time for my own flag for a comic book of brand, Revolutuck.

Yeah.

Well, I look forward to it, Tuck.

Tuck, I'm really excited about it.

It's a good thing that's going on here.

I'm catching the fever.

It's that time of year.

I'm catching the fever, if you know what I mean.

That's right.

The fever of the River Lutuc.

Yep, that's right.

It's all across the nation.

Everyone's going to grab that fever and catch that fever,

and they'll never be able to let go of it for a long time.

Tuck, I have an idea, my friend.

There's no plan we'll stop saying.

All right, Tuck.

Here's a plan.

I can't hear him

Of course you can

He's over there

We're talking over each other

Yeah

He's laughing

Of love

He's a crazy son of a bitch

But he loves you he said

He said thank you for the pictures

I don't know what that means

What's coming

What's to get up

I'll have a whole batch

I brought a scanner

Yeah

Today as well

And we're plugging that up

And yeah

Things are going to be turning out

Like every day

Once I get up there

Alright

Well here's what's going on

And I got an idea here for a prank call.

Now, you're having computer trouble with your book.

What do you have, a MacBook?

Is that what you got?

I don't have a book.

I have a G5 iMac.

Okay.

G5 iMac.

Well, here's what we got.

Lonesome Loser is sending in a number for a satellite,

a live Internet satellite show that's on right now.

Internet and satellite radio.

They do tech stuff.

Techie stuff and old-time music.

Tom and Daryl.

Okay.

And I'm thinking we'll call them and see if maybe they can help you out.

Or you can just voice your grievances about your Mac not working.

Yeah, I'll just pitch a line.

And then we'll make it into some kind of weird thing in the end.

We'll do something kind of goofy.

Let's see if we can mess with these guys.

I don't know.

We'll try something.

I don't know.

Okay.

Off the cuff.

Let's just say you start in either grievances about your MacBook not working or something.

And then I'll try to jump in at some point.

We'll make a weird story out of it and everything.

We'll figure it out, dude.

I'm sure it doesn't work.

Tom and Daryl, they are.

Internet show

And Tuck's going to hang on

Thank God

Thank God for Tuck

We'll be right back

With the prank call

Hello

Hi

Is this the radio show?

Well

There's nobody on the air right now

But yes

Who's this?

Well

What do you mean there's

Oh okay

Well

I got

Information like

There was a radio show

Going on right now

Are you not

Broadcasting tonight

Or

What's to happen

Well right now

Now there is a smooth jazz show on right now, and after that is a replay of a show called

Thursday Night Pulpery with Dean Spratt.

Okay.

The jazz show comes out of Springfield.

Yeah, the jazz show comes out of Springfield, and that's live right now, and then after

that is a show called Thursday Night Pulpery.

Were you wanting to call in with a request, or did you want to be on the air or something?

Well, I got information from a friend of mine, and he was telling me about the tech show,

and I was having some Mac questions and comments, and I don't know, man, this is like the number that he gave me,

so I guess my information got all...

Well, actually, our tech show, we have several tech shows.

We have one on Friday night at 8 p.m., and the guys who do the tech show actually run

the station, and so they're all here.

They said it was two guys, but I can't think of what their names are.

Tom and Daryl?

That's it.

Yeah.

Where are you from?

Are you in Macomb, or where are you from?

Oddly enough, I'm in Lexington.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Kentucky, or?

Yeah.

Yeah, something like that.

Oh, okay, cool.

In other words, I'm not over there at all.

Yeah, okay.

Well, you know, sorry if we sound kind of flabbergasted,

because we don't really get a lot of phone calls, you know.

Well, my friend that I gave him the number is at a little over there or something,

and so maybe these guys might know.

I don't know.

Yeah, they might.

You know what I'm saying?

Just out of curiosity, which listener was it?

because we know pretty much all of our listeners personally.

Oh, God.

What was his name?

You know what?

I know his handle through the net, so I don't know his name name.

Oh, okay.

All righty.

Yeah, well, that's really cool.

I mean, that's really neat that there's people out there spreading the show around.

That's cool.

That's very cool.

Well, yeah, my whole thing was like I've been battling with my Mac problems,

It's an app where I live.

Thomas?

Thomas, who are you talking to?

Hi, Dad.

Well, I'm talking to some fella.

Who are you talking to?

Those men again?

Well, yeah.

It's always men.

Who are these men you're talking to again?

Do you know I caught you last week again talking to those men?

It's not the same men.

You're confusing the men with the other men.

What would your mother say if she was still around knowing you were talking to men like that?

I'm not talking to him in lunchtime.

Can you come over here?

I dropped the sandwich again on the floor, and I can't get back up.

Well, how long have you been down there?

I've been down here for ten minutes.

I passed out loud.

Maybe your dexterity skills are a little bit more, you know, where they're at.

I choked a lot of vomit again.

You know, you're whining and complaining to me about...

Who are these men you're talking to?

Who is this?

Is this a woman or a man?

No, it's a guy.

Who is this?

Who are you, sir?

My name is Byron.

Byron?

Yes.

How old are you?

I'm 25.

And you have a voice like this.

You're talking dirty to my son, aren't you?

Uh, no.

Are you talking on that gay chat line again?

Michael, what did I say to you, Thomas?

It's not a gay chat line.

Talking on the gay channel again.

What did I say to you, Thomas, on the gay channel again?

You son of a...

Hey, this is really bizarre.

You son of a...

Dude, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you involved with what I was talking about, man.

I'm just, you know.

Are you done? Are you done? Is that why you had those tissues?

Where did all my Luver gone go?

No, boy. No, let me tell you. No boy goes to a lot of Luver during the week.

Thanks, sir.

My mom is alive, yes.

You want to talk to her?

Oh, no, my mom doesn't live here.

She's over here right now. You want to talk to her?

Uh, yeah, no.

Oh, okay.

She'll talk to you.

Okay.

She has a message for you.

Yeah, why don't you put my mom on the line?

Okay, here she is.

Oh, my God.

It's Tony.

Oh, God.

It's her right there.

Mom, are you enjoying yourself?

She can't talk right now.

She's busy.

Okay.

We just keep her entertained.

Okay.

Hey, are you a failure to your father and your mother for coming out like you did?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You are, aren't you?

Absolutely.

All the time.

All right.

Well, God bless you, sir.

Thank you.

All right.

Thank you for being on our show.

Appreciate it.

The happiness and love to you.

That's right.

What show am I on, by the way?

You're on a competing internet radio show.

We're beating you with a repeat.

You have a repeat on.

We have a repeat on.

No, we don't.

We have a live show on.

This is a repeat right now.

This no holds barred radio.

That's right.

No, it's not.

And we're beating your boot, Boston.

We'll be in contact with you.

Is this some satellite radio shock jock show?

No, this is I'm Kevin Rose.

and you've got

Leo Laporte on

as a special guest

tonight right

no not tonight

no sir

that's Alex

he won't show up

too hard

Alex Albrecht

is on the other line

say hi Alex

hi

okay

alright well hey

thanks for being on the show dude

yeah you're welcome

alright bud

Chuck are you there

yes

hang on let me make sure

the line is clear

yes

there we go

okay there we go

hang on

a little phone trouble

we're having a weird night

tonight but hey

that was pretty good man

I don't know where

I can hear you go

It was all on your end

Yeah

That guy's kind of weird

I should have told him

Who it was

But you know

I don't want to start a

I don't want to start a fight

We'll call him back

We'll call him like

Some other time

We'll call him some other time

We'll call him next week

Yeah

What

You said

That show

That we were trying to get

Was on Friday night

So

Yeah

Alright Tuck

My friend

You take care

Thanks for calling

That was a great call

My friend

You think so

Yes

And I

Come on man

You gotta be on by next week

Honestly

This has been going on

Long enough

Yeah, it's going way too long, and I've been pulling all y'all's chains for way too long, and I know, I am the poop.

Chuck, we hold you personally responsible for all this, man.

Yes, I know. I take that responsibility with all the musto and mustard spread all over my body in shame.

Yeah, well, I'm glad you understand the situation, my friend.

Yes, I will be going out on the town tomorrow with Japanese ribbons of shame all over me.

and screaming at the top of my lungs, in Japanese, how much of a worthless piece of poop I really am.

There you go.

Because of the situation and letdown that I have given to all the people of PCU land.

Yeah, I know.

It's horrible.

All right, Tuck, take care, man.

We'll catch you next week.

Okay.

If not sooner.

I'm going to head down now.

There it is.

Power down now.

See ya.

Okay.

Here we are, folks.

We're back.

Yay!

Any thoughts on the last prank call?

That was an interesting prank call that I did with Tucker

Not bad

I really should have plugged PCU

I should have told them hey this is PCU

Prank call underground radio

I feel bad about not doing that now

You did the right thing

Because last time we got an email back

So I started to tell what could happen this time

That's right I didn't even get the toll free line at that time

Anyway not bad

Not bad at all

1-800-MINUTEMAN

So yeah the toll free line is open again

If you want to call in tonight

1-888-278-8509

is the number to call

that's right

call in toll free

1-888-278-8509

message us on

AOL Instant Messenger

Madhouse Radio

all that shit

you know how to do it

visit madhouselive.com

come on guys

you can figure it out

join the chat room

where Binary Ghost

is sending a number

for a gentleman

by the name of

Jimmy James Jameson

Zev is sending in

numbers for

James A. Joint

Rick Robson

And that's it

Lonesome Loser is sent in another number

Divine Food Flabbies

Schnitzelberg

Ah, what

Divine

Schnitzelberg

Yeah

Divine Food Flabbies Schnitzelberg

Okay

And we have a

You know

On top of the whole bank of numbers

If you're on file already

For the

For the shit

That's great

I see Nunu has signed off

Good night Nunu

Thanks for being on

So Nunu do do

That's the guy

real quick, guys. I've got to take care of some porcelain

business real quick.

I want to hear about that long-legged Puerto Rican.

The long-legged Puerto Rican is coming up next. That's right.

Cloned, are you going to

stay with us for the last segment of the night?

No, I think I'm going to call it.

Okay. Well, hey, have a good night,

man. Thanks for being on. I've got to get up early

as fuck. Yeah, that's right. You've got that

6 o'clock thing going on. You've got to be up early.

Dude, good luck tomorrow. First day of your new job,

man. Congratulations.

Alright. Thank you.

Don't mess it up, dude. Don't mess

All right, have a good night, bro.

Clone Homegrown, everybody.

Clone Homegrown.

Hey!

All right, and Milkman, hang on.

And all of you listening, hang on.

We'll be right back in about five minutes.

That sucker's the first one to get a job.

What a sucker.

That's a bunch of shit.

11.30 Eastern, TM, that is.

We'll be right back after this.

Milkman's game.

Radio, we'll be back right after this.

You are listening to Madhouse Radio.

No, you're not.

I don't know what you're going to expect.

Yes, I am.

You're going to like it, too.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Everybody, Carlito back here.

Yeah.

I lost Mike.

Carlito back here.

Serious note.

Carlito.

Milkman.

Milkman.net.

Madhouselive.com.

PCradio.com.

Walmartwatch.com, everybody.

Check out the shit because the shit is on the shit tonight, Milkman.

Yeah, thedead.com.

KDKprankcalls.com.

Saigon.org.

all those all those websites are on tonight clonehomegrown.net you know evilneo.biz i don't

know what the fuck i'm talking about man i'm out of my mind tonight i don't know what the hell i'm

talking about jaynefarious.org jay underscore nefarious.org there it is i love this song man

1970 something gotta love this song milkman's a racist he doesn't like rap music yeah i guess so

So who are we going to call, man?

I don't know.

I don't know if I have it in me still, my friend.

You never called man ass ass.

Man ass ass.

Someone's got to call in, man.

You motherfuckers need to call in to show.

I mean, seriously, I'm drowning here.

You people got to call in.

1-888-278-8509.

Someone call in, man.

Call in and talk.

Help us out, man.

We're drowning.

Drowning tonight.

We're like turds in the bowl.

Whatever.

I'm in a bad mood.

I hate society.

I hate people in general.

The only people I like are the people that I talk to once a week on here, man.

You know?

God damn it.

Saigon says he wants to punch the shit.

He wants to punch the stupid out of the dead, everybody.

Saigon says he wants to punch the stupid out of the dead.

Nunu, Saigon, yeah, I know.

He can't defend himself.

That's just how much of a woman Saigon really is.

If the dead's not there.

Now, if the dead was there, would he really say that?

Yeah.

Milkman, cut the music, man.

And that song, I'd play something else.

Okay, thank you.

All right, hold on.

There we go.

This is something more our style here tonight.

A little bit of Doobie Brothers for everybody real quick.

Oh, yeah.

Do-do-do-do-do.

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

I hear it up above all these folks.

You know those, right?

The lyrics to this song are like this.

Do-be-do.

They go do-be-do-be-do-do-be-do-do-do-do-be-do.

Man, who else has live internet radio shows that you can call in to on a Thursday night?

We need to start talking to these people, man.

I mean, come on.

I mean, our competition doesn't know what we do here.

Hang on.

There's that Madhouse Radio Net something in Oklahoma or something.

Hang on.

You know, here's something that's good.

In Google, the number one result for Madhouse Radio is Madhouse Radio Us,

followed by the podcast, followed by Madhouse Radio, Toledo's number one night show,

featured on Tower 98.3.

I've had my eye on these people for a while.

I wonder if they're on the air right now.

Tower 98.3, Madhouse Radio.

Maybe we can call in and heckle.

Do something, man.

We've got to plan an attack.

These people not only are on the night that we're on, but they stole our name, Madhouse Radio.

You know?

I mean, that's bullshit.

Bullshit, no way.

Bullshit

You know

Why

People always

You know

KDK always steals my ideas

Zolar always steals my ideas

Milkman always steals my ideas

Athena always steals my ideas

Andy steals my ideas

Everybody steals my ideas

Zolar

You know how many of my ideas

Zolar has stolen by now

Everything

He's

He wouldn't have a show

Andy needs help to think

Yeah that

That guy's a turd too

He's not even online right now

What is a turd

I don't know

He's not even on

He's not even listening to the show

He didn't listen last

last week either.

What?

I don't know.

What a traitor.

He was so into it

when he was here

and he was the co-host

and this and that

and he was...

Yeah, he pushed me out.

No, he didn't.

You stopped paying

your bills, man.

Which I'm going to

have to do soon here.

No, he pushed me out

and got me banned

from the manhouse.

Connections with

the administration.

Milkman, let me ask

you a question real quick.

How much does a price

of gas over there

per gallon

would you say

where you are right now?

Probably about

$2.89, $2.99.

$2.89, $2.99?

That's something man

That's not bad

I mean

You know how much

We make gas for here

Oh cause you make it dude

You used to

You worked at a place

That made it right

Yeah

World's largest refinery

Petroleum refinery

And how much

How much were you

Making the price

Yeah

You know how much

Yeah

80 cents a gallon

For gas

To make it

So who gets the other

210

The government gets

What 9 cents out of it

Then who gets the other

You know some places

The local

Like we

The local tax here

Is like maybe 3 cents

on top of that, too.

We're paying, uh...

It went down to $2.

How does it go from $0.80 to $3?

Now, come on.

That's a lot of bucks.

I don't know.

I don't listen anymore

because the show sucks without me

and he signs off.

Son of a bitch.

He's listening.

He just isn't signing in

on the messengers, I guess.

Where did that punk at?

I don't see him in the room.

He's not in the room, no.

He's probably laying low tonight

for some reason.

I heard he's got creditors after him.

But, uh, he said he's, you know, he said he doesn't listen anymore because the show sucks without him.

Bastard.

Thanks.

Thanks, man.

I heard that he got them bee stings on a bass and that his ass swelled so shut that he couldn't open his mouth.

Fuck.

That's why he hadn't called in.

Flat in the chatroom says gasoline is $4 per gallon in Canada.

That would suck.

I heard it's really expensive than in the UK, man.

I don't know.

Well, shit, a dollar costs $2 in Canada.

That's what you expect.

They actually got it better.

Yep, I suppose. Oh, man. I've been drinking too much tonight. I barely had anything to eat today.

Drinking a lot. I'm painkillers. Smoking a storm up here.

And I'm doing a lot in a good mood.

No, that's gas. No, I'm full.

I'm full. When it comes to that, I'm full. I have plenty of gas. I'm fine, dude.

Let's do a prank call, because we're talking dumb shit.

Who do we have here to confirm the Vine?

Right. Well, we also have the Vine food.

Food Flabby Schnitzelberg, which I have no idea what that is, but we'll call it.

Oh, I like that one.

Andy says he's fasting.

Have a check-in.

Andy is fasting.

I told you his asshole was so swollen from all those bee stings, he was slow as a mouse yet.

I guess.

He can't even speak, man.

I guess.

He called that the other day.

He accidentally dialed my number.

He was trying to get a little call.

He was like, I don't know what the hell you talk about sometimes, man, but God bless you.

I have an idea.

here comes the next prank call

on that note

I feel it coming hang on

we're sorry no one answered the call

please try again later

ok we'll have that work

you punk bitches

you know the right number right

yeah sure man whatever

we'll try something else

we'll try the schnitzel burger now

what is flabbies man

it's a restaurant

how flabby

So this is totally against the International Weight Loss Convention.

You know, it's against the bylaws.

I mean, I got Flabby.

Flabby, let me tell you something, man.

Who is that woman who just hung up the phone on me?

What do you need?

I'm not in the mood to be hung up on by a woman or talked to like that by a woman.

And when I call over there to your place, let me talk.

When I call over there to your place, you will give me the service that I am entitled to under the Third Amendment.

Now, who is that?

What is the name of the woman who just treated me like that on the phone?

Louisa.

Louisa?

Mm-hmm.

Why don't you run along and get your sister on the phone for me, then?

Okay.

Hurry up.

Can I ask who's calling?

I need to speak to her, please.

She's gone.

Bullshit, man.

Well, don't give me that.

You know what?

Damn it.

It's a quarter to midnight, man.

It's time to call up the fucking son of a bitch guy, Sam.

Sam?

He ain't going to answer, man.

It's too late.

It's a quarter to?

It's too late, man.

It's too late.

Sorry.

Speaking of crazy son of a bitches, we ain't heard from him yet either.

Oh, yeah.

Who knows if he's even listening tonight, dude.

I don't know.

All the crazy bastards always listen.

Crazy fucker, if you are listening tonight, call in.

There it is.

There is a call.

Try to lift our spirits.

Raises up from the sadness that we're experiencing tonight.

And it's not that we're having a bad show, everybody.

It's just that I'm not happy tonight.

I am not happy.

It's Andy's fault.

It is.

Andy's an asshole.

He left us.

Andy's had like 20

Honestly Andy

It's time to give up man

Come on back home to Florida man

It's time to give up

Honestly

Give up this dream you have

About living up north

And doing something up there

You're coming back man

That's how it is

So give up the game

Give up the game

Stop being a lazy bastard

And come back to where you live

Where you belong here

With people here

And doing what you do here

There's nothing up there for you

Andy, I command you to give up the game and be a man and come back.

Quit milking your uncle.

That's right.

Exactly.

His rich uncle.

I don't know.

I'm kidding, Andy.

Don't take that seriously.

I'm just playing with you.

What time do you guys have a turkey?

Milkman, we need to go until midnight.

That's why he has a bad fish as Andy on the back of it.

You make that weird joke, and it doesn't make any sense to me, man.

I don't feel that joke.

Milkman, we're going to do another eight minutes.

You should call it a night.

That's it.

We gon' have a convoy

Truckin' through the night

Milkman, how about we

How about we just finish here

In about eight minutes, I'm serious

We're gonna try one more prank call

And then we'll sign off here

Cause I'm not

Let's make a call, man

We're gonna do one more call

One more call, I said

Don't give me any shit

Fuck you, motherfucker

He's not gonna answer

We just tried to call him earlier

That's it

And I gotta say

Don't give him any shit

Yes, don't give him any shit, man

We're gonna end the show here

In about eight minutes

And every time I try to end the show

You always get all rude

Talking about

I got shit man

You're gonna miss the end of the show

Well fine

You leave and they'll come back

Just don't bother

I got shit after the show

Alright well fine

I'll hold it

How about that

I'll hold it too

This will allow you to talk for

14 hours 24 minutes

I'm calling a 7-Eleven in Alaska

Cool

It's a good deal on ice right

Yep

7-Eleven

This is Tesoro

This is the gas station

Yes

Hey, I'm trying to find your gas pump.

You're trying to find what?

The gas pump itself, the gas pump.

I'll have someone else talk to you.

All right.

Hi, this is Taylor. Can I help you?

Hey, is this another woman?

Yeah.

Oh, man. Do you have any men who are working there or something?

I'm sorry?

Do you have any men who are working there?

Do I have any what working here?

Any men.

Why?

Because I'd rather talk to a man than a woman.

I do have, but I am the assistant manager. What did you need?

Well, are you attracting bears tonight?

I'm sorry?

Are you attracting bears tonight, if you know what I mean?

Are the painters in?

Is that flowing tonight?

Because if, listen, if you're on your period, I'm not going to talk to you because that's nasty.

Piercing?

I said if you're on your period, don't bother talking to me because I don't speak to women who are on their period because it's not clean.

Who do you think you need to call back, sir?

Well, is there any men who could talk to me who are working there?

Do I have to talk to you?

Hello, hello, hello.

Sorry, open answer.

I know you're there.

Damn you, woman.

Talk.

Sir, this is Corey.

How may I help you?

Corey, are you a man?

I believe so.

You believe so or you know so?

Don't jerk with me, man.

I don't like talking to women.

I have a bad history with women.

And they always give me the wrong information.

And last week a woman said she was going to give me her phone number.

And she gave me a fake number.

And it was a number to your place.

And they told me time and time again that Susan doesn't work at 7-Eleven.

But when she was at the bar, she gave me your phone number.

And I checked it five times.

Okay, so what is it that you want?

I want to talk to Susan, the girl I met at the bar last week, who said that this is her phone number.

Well, Susan does not work here. We don't have a Susan that works here at all.

So tell me the truth. Do you think she gave me the fake number?

Are you covering for Susan?

What?

Are you covering for Susan? We're just talking to Susan.

Am I covering for Susan?

Yes.

No, there's no Susan that works here.

Look, my friend, my boyfriend, Keith, he sneaks out of the house and he goes over there and he gets drunk and I know it.

Sir, I don't understand what you want.

I know what you're talking about.

You're going to go on and on and on and on and on about this.

You're covering for Susan and for Keith.

I'm sorry, sir. I can't help you.

Well, come on. Tell me. I asked a question and the woman wouldn't answer me.

So I said, you put a man on the phone.

Sir, I don't think you need to call back. If you call back, then I will call the police.

I don't...

So I'm hanging up now.

I don't take orders from women.

You don't tell me what to do.

Well, that's it.

A very...

Sir, I don't think you need to call back.

There's another good thing there.

I don't know.

A very sexist call.

A very sexist prank call.

Sexist humor is funny stuff.

You're obviously on granny.

Saigon says sexist humor is funny.

I'm the pioneer of sexist prank calls for sure.

The prank call world.

Nobody does a sexist prank call like me.

Because I know that gets to the soul of a woman.

When you start making those snide comments.

Athena just

When she hears him

Athena just shakes her head

But I know

I know she wants to

Kick my ass

When I say sexist things

I asked her

She's attracting bears

Like attracting bears

Yeah I heard that

I was laughing

Yeah man

I'm sorry I had to

Put you in a hole

But the problem is

Every once in a while

You know

We can't control our laughs

And you laugh

And then I go back

To make the prank call

A feature prank call

And I gotta

I gotta chop it up

You know

And I don't like

Chopping it up

I don't like chopping it up man

I don't like chopping it up

I laugh because you're funny

I don't mean to but I just

Let me ask you something man

Should I be concerned if I'm tasting the food

From the night before still now

Only if you're

Tasting the food from tomorrow

Then I'd be really concerned

I don't know I don't feel good man

I don't feel good I've been drinking

I'll tell you what I've been drinking

And I'm tasting yesterday's food today

Well, you just need to back off a little bit off the drinking and taking the medication, man.

Who are you?

That shit never worked.

Who are you?

Who are you, Larry?

Milkman Larry.

I'm Dr. Milkman.

Hey, on that note, we have KDK's number one iPod song of the week, everybody.

KDK's number one iPod song.

This is supposed to be a regular feature.

This is KDK's number one song on his iPod playlist this week.

and we're going to do the next prank call hang on everybody kdk's number one song of the week

oh this is the queen cap cap queen b is this the queen cap how do you say it

capiolani capi huh capilano capo la la la hello hello queen is it the queen there

I got reservations with the queen tonight man

Yeah

But I have a room I paid for man

Yeah with the queen man

The queen's gonna come in my room

She's gonna take off her clothes

Oh man I can't wait

So how do I get to the queen camp

Are you from Israel man?

Nope

Or are you from Hawaii?

Why are you Hawaiian?

Yep.

Do you have that color to your skin, man?

Yep, we all do.

Yo, do you eat, do you guys, man, I just flew here, man.

I'm from Kentucky, man.

I go to the University of Kentucky, man.

Yeah, guess what, man?

Do you guys have gay marriages here, man?

Gay marriages?

Yeah.

Not yet.

That's good, because you know why?

Why?

Because God will kill you.

Yeah.

Hey, man, for real, how do I get to the hotel?

I got a reservation.

What's your last name?

My last name is Cordova.

My first name is Chrysler.

I

don't have anything holding. You don't have

anything under Chrysler Cordova? I got the room with the Corinthian leather, man. Yo,

Yo, do you like to feel the Corinthian leather on your skin?

Come on, man.

How am I going to make a reservation?

I'll give you my credit card phone number, man.

We actually don't have rooms tonight?

Oh, come on, man.

I want to fuck the queen, man.

Not for the next four days, man.

Yo, if I fuck the queen, would that make me the king or the prince?

No, really, man.

What would that make me?

The queen?

Would I be the queen?

Oh, that would be cute.

Dude, if I kind of room inside the queen, you know, how big is the queen?

Take her for the princess, Kayalani.

Oh, man, let me talk to her.

Hey, you got any women that are working there, man?

No.

Come on, is there a woman who's there?

I hear a woman.

Let me talk dirty to her, man.

Come on, I want to talk dirty to her.

No.

No, really, I want to talk dirty to that girl.

Does she have a uniform on?

That was one of our guests.

What does she look like?

300.

Oh yeah

Really

Does she look Samoan

She looks Hawaiian

Yeah

She's a big Hawaiian girl

Yep

Yeah man

Would you like to put

Pineapple slices

On her

On her nipples

And eat them all

No

Oh man

Would you like the man

Huh

How do you like it from a man

I don't know

You don't like it from

How do you

How do you take it from a man

Probably not

You want me to tell you how

Nope

You better go

The first thing

Oh man

Freeze it up

I don't know

Was I going to tell him

How to take it from a man

That's all it was

I was dying man

I was trying to be quiet man

But I was dying

I don't know what that was about

Andy asked if that

Andy said that that song was gay

Well yeah

I did choose that song for the funny

That was just a joke against KDK

That's all it was

We had this fake drama go on

With me and KDK

That I

That I played the

The Blue Oyster song

From Police Academy

And Andy

Andy said it was the number one song on KDK's gay iPod,

and I got in trouble for it,

and then we said, you know what, we're going to do this thing.

So that was, it was just a joke.

Anyway.

Andy sending in a number for a hostage in Iraq.

Eventually, however, look at the muzzle of the rifle.

I don't get it.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I don't know.

Andy sending me a link to the best fucking thing ever.

I don't know what the hell he's talking about.

I can barely function right now.

Oh, yeah, you're just...

It's getting loosened up now, man.

This is bad.

I'm really drunk, guys.

I mean, I quit drinking already.

I'm just drinking beer now.

You're doing good now, man.

You're flowing.

I challenge everybody to call in.

The toll-free line is 1-888-278-859.

If anybody's listening, we only have 34 listeners on right now anyway.

So, man, what's the point?

Who wants to do a show for that, man?

What happened to the teabag radio that's not on tonight?

I had to go to sleep, and he didn't have enough time to put us on.

We got like a fucking...

He's teabagging.

I guess, man.

We got like 30 listeners.

We got 20 of those who are in the chatroom, so yeah.

Hey, speaking of faggots and people whose asses I like to kick,

Prackmaster's just joined the chatroom.

Oh, there's more, for sure.

Yeah, man, what do you think he's coming around all the time now?

What's that all about, huh?

I sound like a bunch of sucking up.

I mean, I don't like him around, you know?

If I had it my way, I wouldn't let him be around.

It wouldn't happen.

It makes me want to shit.

It makes me want to just break something and have.

I want to break something that costs a lot of money.

It makes me want to go out and buy a new computer and break it.

That's how angry I get.

You know what?

I like to go out and buy a new Toyota Corolla, a brand new 2006 Toyota Corolla, and crash it on purpose.

that's how angry I get when I think about about it cool to be if you're so

racing off the road and pretend like there's an accident how cool to be to be

so rich so you can just buy a car just in order to break it in order to crash

it on purpose that's pretty damn rich that's dr. Lego money right there what

starts you know what fucking dr. Lego isn't even paying attention so let's

call him the harassment do you have a freak out do you have um do you have any

of his phone numbers do you have a cell phone number do you know a cell phone

number? Yeah, I got one

right here. Send that to me. Send me

your cell phone number. Okay, I got one right now.

Let's see. Zolar isn't around.

KDK isn't even listening, I'll bet you anything.

You know? KDK's in the

chat room. He might be listening. He's playing

Halo or something, whatever he plays. Some

gay game. Fucking Halo

Busters or something.

I don't know. He's playing something. Oh, yes.

Are you sure that's his cell phone, man? Don't jerk me

around. Oh, man. That's the phone number he gave

on the air the other day.

Don't jerk me around, man. I got about

four other numbers for him i'm tired of you jerking me around i have every number he's ever

got you you can you harass him so much man it's funny he's calling me before he's like he said

he's calling before he's like man milkman he called me every single phone number i have looking

for me i started laughing he said that to me once i was like really he's like yeah man he called me

every single fucking phone number i got i don't know where he got these phone numbers he won't

Don't stop calling me.

He's got a bunch of them.

I don't know, dude.

Oh, shit.

We're going to call him next.

All right, that's the last of them.

That's the last of them.

So we didn't get them through.

All right, whatever.

We're out of here, everybody.

Milkman, take us out of here, dude.

Milkman, take us out.

Take us out.

Take us.

Hang on.

Why is Lonesome Loser sending us?

Lonesome Loser sent in a TV station?

KGTF in Guam.

Oh, yeah.

Whatever.

Let's try that.

And then we're calling it a night.

All right.

Bill Payne, get ready to take us out of here after this.

Thank you for calling Channel 12.

Is this the TV station?

Yes.

KGTF Channel 12.

Channel 12?

Yes, sir.

I'm writing that down because I just heard something that has really got me upset, sir,

and I'm going to report you to the FDA.

Okay.

Do you know what the FDA is?

What is the FDA, sir?

The Food and Communications Commission.

The what?

The Food and Communications Commission, the FDA.

Okay, okay.

Okay.

I have it right here.

I have their fax number and their email.

Okay.

Let me tell you, what's your name?

This is, my name is Jerome Mothmas.

Jerome Mothmas.

Mm-hmm.

Jerome M-O-F-F-M-E-S, Mothmas, okay?

Okay.

Okay, and what is your operator number?

Operator number?

What is operator number?

Well, how do I identify you?

My name is Jerome Mothmas.

Well, there's got to be a code number, a code word.

What's your password?

Password for?

For the computer.

Who's this?

My name is Jack Valenti.

Okay.

Okay, and I recently moved to Guam,

and I just heard a man say something horrible on your TV station.

On Channel 12?

Yes, sir.

Okay.

Absolutely.

You heard him say something horrible.

He said erectile dysfunction.

Okay.

I don't buy that, sir.

Okay.

So, would you like to speak to our general manager or one of our upper management?

Are they going to talk to me now?

I'm going to check who's available.

I'm not going to hold, and I'm not going to wait, and I'm not going to call back.

Okay.

I'm a lawyer.

Okay.

Do you know how high money you make?

Huh?

Do you know how high money you make?

How much money you make?

Exactly.

I'm a lawyer, sir.

I'm a lawyer.

Don't take too long, but see who you can get on here.

If not, then I'm going to handle it with you.

But I'm making a formal complaint.

Okay.

You got a few minutes.

Don't take too long, because we got people waiting.

Okay.

Okay, can you hold on?

Alright, I'll be right here.

Okay.

Alright.

I don't know how long this is going to take.

FDA.

Too sorry for the delay.

We'll be with you in just a moment.

Good commission.

Yeah.

Sir, can I have your name please?

My name is Jack Valenti and I'm a big man and I money make.

Jack Valenti?

Yes, and I money make.

Okay.

Jack Valenti.

Hold on, sir.

Okay.

Give me a large pineapple pizza.

What's more important to us?

Hello, who is this now?

Who is this?

Yes, this is Benny Flores.

Benny Flores?

Yes.

How can I help you?

F-L-O-R-E-Z?

Yes.

No Z.

F-L-O-R-E-S?

Yes.

And who may I have this call?

My name is Jack Valenti.

Jack Valenti?

Yes.

I just recently moved here to Guam, and I heard a promotion that you guys said it approved.

At the beginning it said this is approved by the station, and it said erectile dysfunction.

I mean, sir.

Excuse me?

Erectile dysfunction?

Let me tell you something, sir.

I know you think this is Guam, but this is America, okay?

Whose picture is on the dollar bill that you spent?

Tell me.

Excuse me?

Whose picture is on the dollar bill that you spent?

Where are we going with this question?

I want to see if you have a comment or complaint.

Oh, I have a complaint.

This is with Channel 12?

Yes, it is.

Channel 12.

And when did you see this?

It is a promo of some sort?

Early today.

That's right.

It said erectile dysfunction.

Do you know what that means?

Does it have to do with just a 30-second announcement or is it a program?

It was on the TV machine.

Well, everything is on TV.

That's our business here.

What I'm asking is, is it just a PSA that you saw it or is it some sort of a documentary?

Is it a program or the name of the program so I can help you?

I can trace where we're going with this?

You know, I have tracing on my phone, and I traced it back to your TV station.

And it was on the TV machine, and it said Channel 12.

We're Channel 12.

And I said, erectile?

But how in Jesus God would they ever say something about, you know, the penis?

So my question is, was it a 30-second spot that you started on, or was it an actual 30-minute program?

And then I'd like to know what the name of the program is.

I think it was one of those commercials, man.

Commercials?

My friend.

We don't run commercials, sure.

My friend, my brother, it's public television.

I know it's public television.

But I explained to the man in the newsroom, and I explained to the man in...

We don't have a newsroom.

I know.

I told him, you guys are the public station.

You don't have the commercials, right?

We're non-profit, non-commercial.

That's what I told him.

He doesn't listen to me.

And he said, tell you guys, this man on this documentary said he had erectile dysfunction, you know.

Did you see, was this a local program or was it a PBS program?

It said Channel 12, Channel 1.

No, no, no, you have to understand what I'm asking.

All of Channel 12's programs derive from PBS.

They're all censored into the Corporation for Public Broadcast.

It said, the man said this is Frontline.

Frontline.

So you're going to have to, if there's any complaint such as that,

because what we receive here is what we broadcast to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.

What we receive here is already censored through PBS.

What do you do?

What do you do there?

Let me tell you something, you Democrats, you know.

You come here.

You Democrats come here.

Where are we coming from with these new Democrats?

You Democrats come here, and you put all the old TV...

Okay, you know what?

This conversation ends now.

No.

You don't have a legitimate...

I'm trying to get you to state a legitimate complaint...

Oh, I'm sorry, my brother.

My brother.

My friend.

I'm sorry, my friend.

Goodbye.

Thank you.

My friend.

He has death erectile dysfunction.

Firecracker, that guy.

I don't know what the hell that was all about.

He's going new here.

Yeah.

Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man.

That was a great one, man.

Good job, Mary Lonesome.

I don't know who that was that we talked to you with.

He sounded like he was pretty important there at the station.

Milkman, what did you have for dinner tonight and beyond?

Don't lie.

We know where you're lying.

I had a pack of noodles, a sandwich, and a glass of soda,

and finished it off with a big thing of milk.

Yeah, that's funny, man.

man. You're crazy. You know what, Milkman?

You're alright. You know that, man?

Don't tell anybody. I'll never believe it.

You're alright, Milkman.

You had a glass of milk at the end of it.

God bless you, Milkman.

God bless you in the ass.

Milkman,

I'll tell you what. I want to thank everybody

all 22 plus 8,

all 30 of you who are listening still.

It's been a low show in terms

of numbers and quality.

I'm sorry.

Whatever. Take us out of here, Milkman.

All right, man.

First of all, I'd like to thank our wonderful sponsor here, Mr. Madman.

He provides us with this wonderful boxing ring, man.

We call it IRC chat room.

That's right.

You can come in here and knock somebody's teeth out, come back smiling later.

After your band's been lifted, maybe.

Yeah.

Thanks a lot, Madman, for all you do there in our chat room.

Madman.

Madman, I hear.

Breaking news, Madman.

Madman

Lives in Illinois

Go ahead

Wow

Everybody

If you'd like to visit

Madman

Go to Germany

Oh shit

I got breaking news

Breaking news

KDK

KDK everybody

Is gonna do something

Important soon

Yeah

Breaking news

Breaking news everybody

Breaking news

I got breaking news here

Everybody

Hang on

Hold the phone

Little evil Neo

That's all I got

Go ahead

Neo

Wait wait wait

Wait, I got it.

Breaking news.

Little Evil Neo.

Someone out there doesn't like you, Little Evil Neo.

Oh, shit.

Hang on.

We got someone who's calling in who we've been waiting to call in for a while.

Jesus God in heaven.

Go ahead.

Jesus saves.

Moses invests in Buddha recycles.

Hey, man, what's it like to be in prison?

Ah, it's horrible, man.

It's hell on earth.

What do you get to eat in prison?

Starch and fat.

Oh, that sounds bad.

And they make you up.

And they have you.

They recycle water in prison, and they filter the piss in shit water.

And because they don't, when you're in prison in California, you're not on a city water line.

You're in a closed sewer and water, and they just filter it, man.

And it's horrible.

That's nasty.

Are you for real?

You're lying, man.

I ain't lying, dude.

Dude, I ain't lying about that shit.

No way.

You know what?

I'm going to go to prison one day.

I know it's bound to happen.

Why do you say that?

Because I'm a failure.

I'm a failure and I'm going to end up in prison one day.

I'm going to make a mistake and for the rest of my life,

I'm never going to see the outside again until I die.

And I'm living with it.

I know it's going to happen one day.

I'm going to get caught up in this mess.

What do you suggest I do?

Well, if you're a failure, then you'll end up in prison, all right, as a prison guard.

Because that's where the failures end up.

That's the only place they can get any kind of respect, huh?

Well, you'll be a prison guard if you're a real failure.

Yeah, I guess so.

Man, that's fucked up.

So what do you think of the shit show tonight, man?

It's been a bunch of shit.

Well, you know, I didn't get on, I didn't even be able to get you guys to this

It was a little while ago because I've been working on my computer, man.

It was almost melting down on me.

And I had to put a new fan in there.

And now I got a fan in there that's like now everything's rock and rolling.

But, hey, prison sucks, man.

And don't even think you'll go to prison, man, because you ain't going to go to prison, man.

And if you do, I deserve it.

Nah, who doesn't deserve it, man?

Man, I mean, shit, you know, I'll tell you this, man, prison sucks.

I was a first-timer and a last-timer.

Oh, good.

Well, you know what?

I'm happy for you.

So you were rehabilitated?

Oh, well, I don't know about that shit, but I'll tell you, man, prison ain't nothing like you think it is.

It ain't like it is in the movies, man.

It's like all it is is just people in there, and there's a lot of good people in prison, man, on both sides.

There's good prison guards and there's good prisoners, man.

That's good, man.

I've met holy men in prison.

Is it as hard as they say?

I mean, is it bullshit?

Is it just like you kind of, does people leave you alone?

Do you get raped every day in prison?

Nah, I never got raped, dude.

I never got raped.

Never got raped by nobody.

Good.

Never raped nobody either.

Yeah, they got that going for you.

But check this out, man.

Prison's a sad place.

It's just a sad place because it's like there's so much human potential just going to fucking waste there.

In California, it's a slave labor colony, and they use the prisoners as slave labor.

And 95% of the people in prison in California are all poor people,

and over 65% of them are there for nonviolent drug offenses.

That's bullshit, man.

I know it is.

A fucking war on drugs, my ass, man.

Yeah, I know, man.

It's like I'm in the war against the war on drugs, man.

and it was like about 5% of the dudes I met actually belonged in prison.

They were actually psychopathic people,

but 95% of the people were just people like you and me and your next-door neighbor.

And, you know, when I went to prison, I believed in the system.

See, they offered me a fucking deal.

If I would have taken a deal, I would have done a year,

but I took it to a jury trial, and I lost,

and they gave me like 14 years at halftime, so I did seven years.

holy shit you did seven years dude yeah one stretch because i wouldn't take a deal i wouldn't

plead guilty and i found out the way the system works man the system works like this the fucking

judge the public defender and the police and the da are all in bed together man

same motherfuckers dude just wear a different mask yeah they do each other their own favors

is all day man it is man we're living under a mafia police state man in this whole country

and just look at man they got the bush crime family right now in office and and him and his

buddies haliburton are just draining billions and billions of dollars of our tax money man going to

uh the war profiteers the dudes that are trying to destroy this country are the ones that are

waving the flag the fucking biggest, dude.

I mean, check this out, man.

If I come to your house and throw rocks through your window

and threaten you and come in your house and say,

I'm taking over, well, you're going to fight me back, aren't you, man?

Hell yeah, man.

You defend your house.

That's what a man does.

That's all them people in the Middle East are fucking doing is defending themselves.

And you know what?

A lot of these Jewish guys in Israel are dressing up like Taliban and Al-Qaeda,

and they're going out and doing all kinds of terrible things, man,

because it's all a shuck and a jive and a scam.

It really is, dude.

It really is.

These motherfuckers are trying to break America down where one-half of one percent rules the world.

That's right.

These bastards, these fucking, you know, man, I'll tell you what, Mossad is a dirty, dirty thing.

Oh, I know, man, I know.

I had a buddy that, he was from Israel, he was one of them, he was a Bedouin, you ever heard of a Bedouin?

I've heard of a Bedouin, yes.

Well, yeah, they drafted his ass in the Israeli army, man.

He came to the United States as a draft dodger, and, man, he was telling me shit about Israel,

and he says, man, you go to Israel, man, you're going to be picked up by the secret police over there,

and they'll never see your ass again.

That's the fucking Russian thing.

Dude, what did you do time for?

Was it a drug thing?

Well, I consider it a political thing.

It was a political thing.

I pissed off some heavyweight fucking mafia police in the area I lived in,

and I pissed them off quite badly.

Did you not pay your taxes?

Is that what it was?

Well, no.

Fuck, man.

I always pay my taxes, dude.

I pay my taxes and other people's taxes, dude.

Hell, man, that ain't the problem.

them. The problem was, dude, I was a political. Just like in communist Russia, man, they had

two types of prisoners over there. They had political prisoners and they had criminal

prisoners. The police and the courts always treated the criminal prisoners better than

they did the political prisoners. It's the same thing here in the United States. One

One thing they don't like is nobody exposing them.

Yeah, they do.

They definitely want to keep a paper on that, man.

That's right, man.

But you guys are wonderful.

You guys are the beacon of free speech on the radio, man.

You guys got the best fucking radio, and you got the best show on PCU.

We're fighting it, man.

We're fighting.

You know, they've tried to shut us down three times here in the Bush administration,

and every time we fought them in the Supreme Court, we got to last time and everything.

thing.

Now, there are

good people in

the government,

man, and they're

the ones that,

they're the ones,

man, that I hope

they don't get

contaminated by the

rotten apples that

they have to do

business with.

But, you know

what, man, it's

like one day you

guys are going to

be broadcasting

to millions, man.

Yeah, so let me

ask you again,

World Trade Center.

What?

The World Trade

Center.

Do you know

anything about the

World Trade Center

7?

Any ideas about

that, sir?

Do you know

about that at all?

Are you talking about the Twin Towers?

Well, the third one that went down.

Oh, yeah.

Well, according, now, you know what?

When you guys play, like, rerun shows,

and every day I try to tune in to Alex Jones on PrisonPlanet.com and InfoWars,

and if you listen to what he says, man,

he says that all them seven buildings were owned by that guy Larry Silverstein

and his combine, and they're hooked up real tight with the Bush administration.

According to Alex Jones, man, Bush and his buddies are the ones that they,

back in 97, they wrote some paper saying how in order to take over Iraq,

there was going to have to be a terror,

there was going to have to be like some really heavy shit coming down.

Remember the Oklahoma bombing?

Well, that all had CIA roots in it, man.

man, you know, that cat, that cat there that supposedly blew that fucking federal building

up in Oklahoma, he was a Desert Storm veteran, man, with honors and everything else, man.

I thought he was a Green Beret flunky or something.

He was like a Green Beret of the Desert Storm, man, whatever they, remember, them fuckers

always got some kind of name, Desert Storm, yeah, right, and all the people in the Middle

Middle East, and he says, well, hey, man, look, here comes the American plains, and

it's going to be a storm.

Yeah.

Fucking, man, why don't we just, man, let's, we ought to be, man, I'll tell you what, you

know what, man, you ever smoked any Lebanon's hash from Lebanon?

Can't say it.

Man, that's some good, righteous shit, man, I, man, I, it put me in the spirit realm when

I smoked that shit, and they're over there, man, they're over there right now, they're

taking over the Middle East to take over the opium poppies and shit and everything else,

man. They're the fucking corporation thieves, man. Two percenters that own 80% of the wealth

that want to rule the world. Fuck them. Man, I'll tell you what. If there was a Jew right

here in front of me, I'd punch him in the mouth, man. Oh, no, man. Hey, the Jews are

cool, man. I love the Jews, man. I love the Jews. Shit, man. What about, are you, do

Do you vote, man?

Do you vote at all?

I don't vote.

No, man, I don't.

That's for, that's, who's there to vote for?

Everybody I ever voted for never, ever won.

Nobody that I ever voted for.

So it's like if I, I figured out if I vote for somebody, they ain't going to win,

so I don't bother voting no more.

But, you know, Democrats and Republicans, they just change their masks.

That's all they do.

They're all the same outfit.

They're all the same.

They're all got the same hands and the same pants, and they touch it.

The same buddy.

Yeah, hey, you know what?

Let me, real quick, I'll tell you something, man.

About 15 years ago, I used to party with this chick down in Santa Cruz, California,

and she had this boyfriend about five years before I met her that he was very, very,

he was like the son of a multi-multi-millionaire.

And she used to tell me, man, that he'd take her on the yacht

and they'd go out cruising around

the world on this big-ass yacht

that had a crew on it and everything

and they used to party with the sons and the daughters

of the red chinese and the sons and the daughters of the russian communist poet bureau and the sons

and the daughters of of all these you know when it gets in the international the the rich people

man that they just use us poor people as fools they oh these people over here want to kill we

gotta you gotta go to war you gotta you know it's all bullshit dude it's all bullshit you

You war against your enemy right here at home, man.

You don't go to another man's land and then wonder why he's shooting at your ass, man.

There's enough fucking dirty motherfuckers in this country.

God damn it, you take control of the house situation and you feed your people.

You feed your people first and then you go and you kick somebody else's ass, man.

Well, we don't...

No, man.

Let me tell you something.

and the Germans deserve to get a good ass kicking.

Right.

And the fucking Koreans deserve to get a good ass kicking

because they're a bunch of faggot bitches

and they don't shut the fuck up.

You know who else deserves to get their ass kicked?

The French.

Because they don't know how to shut their fucking mouths, man.

And we should go in there,

we should kick some French ass

and fuck them all, man.

Okay, Carlito.

You just mentioned the Koreans, man.

Now, did you know you go to South Korea right now

and you can go outside of the military bases over there

and they've got like five miles of whorehouses

surrounding all the military bases in South Korea.

And so when America brings democracy to a third world country,

what that really means is the women are free to be prostitutes

and the men are free to be shoeshine boys.

Shoeshine boys.

And I'll tell you this.

Yes, these motherfuckers have supported some of the worst dictator scumbags in the face of the earth

down in South America and Latin America, like Bolivia and Chile and Nicaragua

and all those countries down there where they had right-wing death squads.

And I'm telling you this, man, the scum in this country, you know what?

I love this country, but I hate millions of motherfuckers in this country

that call themselves Americans, because to me, they're fucking pieces of bastard shit.

I hate, I hate, man, I'll tell you what, I hate 90% of the people out there.

I hate people so much, it's not even funny.

I wish, I wish I could, I wish I was so badass that I could just kick ass sometimes.

I hate the people behind me in traffic.

I hate the people in front of me in line, man, that's how it goes.

I hate 99% of the people who live in the world because they're all fucking assholes

and they just think about themselves and they don't think about their own brother, man.

Well, then, you know, the only way to change them is you got to be an example and a light unto them.

And it's like, because it's like what we got is a blind leading the blind.

And it's like, you know, we're all falling into the fucking ditch

because we allow our hatred to overcome our, man, I mostly groove, man, on people.

I love people, man.

I don't let nobody fucking put me uptight when I'm in traffic.

I don't let nobody put me uptight, man.

I love it, man.

If some motherfucker comes up and tailgates me, I slow down a little bit more, you know.

Yeah, hell yeah.

Fuck him, man.

Yeah, man.

Hey, let me ask you something.

You ever heard of that guy, Dog the Bounty Hunter?

He just got arrested, man.

That's what some dude was telling me earlier tonight.

Yeah, because you know why?

He's an asshole.

He can't mind his own business.

But it's a goddamn shame that this country, the United States of America,

all the way in Hawaii and BFFE Hawaii,

the Mexican government can come in and say,

hey, bring this guy back here so we can put him in a Mexican prison

for some shit he did that was right.

Is that what they're trying to do to bog the body, Hunter?

They arrested him to actually go to Mexico to put him in jail because he came to Mexico, he went to Mexico to put some rapists behind bars, but then again, do you see how well Mexico helps us out with our immigrant problem and our problems in Mexico, but in a second, the United States puts Dog the Bounty Hunter, a good man who does nothing but fucking take a rapist off the streets of Mexico and puts him in jail in the United States, and they want us to go in and put him in prison for that.

Fuck the world.

I agree with you, man.

Hey, I agree with you.

You know what?

I tell you what, dude.

I went down and partied down in Mexico.

I didn't get very far down there, but I'll tell you what, man.

I'll tell you what, man.

Most of the Mexican people are really right on fucking people,

but I'll tell you, their government ain't worth a fucking shit.

Their government is more corrupted, has more holes in it.

It's worse than our government.

Oh, my God.

It's worse than Swiss cheese, man.

Shit, man, they got a system down there called Mordida, and it's where the pig pulls you

over, and you give him five or ten bucks, and he lets you go, and it's like, and that's

accepted down there, man, Mordida, it's called Grease the Wheels, I guess it translates to

that.

I'll tell you that, man, I had a good time when I was partied out in Mexico, but I'll

tell you what, man, I knew when to get the hell out of there, because I'll tell you what,

dude they're some fucking federales they're fucking hey shit man you know they're they're

worse than the fucking cops in the united states oh yeah man they'll do anything for donald they're

independent man they'll kidnap somebody for fuck man it's fucking sick this world is sick i don't

trust 90 of the people out there and it's a damn shame that i can't trust an american anymore

after all the shit i've done for america but fuck it yeah they if you well if you're a guy

The guys that went over the Middle East, dude, I'm afraid they exploited your ass, dude,

because I'll tell you what, man, it was totally unnecessary.

Hell yeah, man.

See, World War II was like, you know, World War II, the crazy fuckers got so out of hand

that, you know, they sucked us into that war.

They needed an ass kicking.

Yeah, you're right.

You're right, man.

The fucking Hun, Germans, and the Japanese, I'm sorry, Milkman, I know you're half Japanese,

but God damn it, your people needed a good-ass kicking, and like Howard Stern says, we dropped

a nuke or two on them, and God damn it, they learned to respect.

You shut your fucking mouth, and you don't go around killing people and doing atrocities

to people, you shut your fucking mouth.

Why do you want everybody to shut their mouth, man?

Everybody needs to shut their mouth.

all these people who talk too much all these countries that talk too much shit they need to

shut their fucking mouth goddamn iranians have shut its fucking mouth and north korea has shut

its fucking mouth yeah you know what 90 of the people out there need to shut their fucking mouth

well here let me ask you this now damn it okay you're a world traveler i've never been out i've

never been off the north american continent but it's like okay what what was your impression of

Of the most of the people you met over in the Middle East.

They're trash.

They were?

What makes you say that?

Six people except for the very few goddamn ethnic Afghanis and most of those fucking Jawas and most of those fucking Tarbash deserve to fucking die.

God damn it, they dragged me into that fucking war.

Fuck it all, man.

Fuck the fucking Arab Muslim race, you bastards.

Well, right.

I wish they'd let me go back there.

I'd kill every single one of them.

Well, okay.

What you're doing is personifying the fucking sickness of this country

where somehow the people in this country,

they think their shit smells better than anybody else's.

That's not bad.

Those people are sick.

You know what they would have done to me if they had a chance?

I'll fuck them for it.

Well, fuck that, dude.

You went over to their country and pointed a fucking gun on them, man.

Who sent me there, motherfucker?

Who sent me there?

There's some white motherfucker.

And let me tell you something about white people.

Goddamn white people telling me what to do all the time.

Saying I got to pay my bills.

I should get electric free.

I should have had to pay a goddamn bill if I ever wanted to.

And that should be how it is.

You can get electric for free, dude.

You got to get a photovoltaic panel, man.

A what?

A photovoltaic panel.

It's called a solar panel.

And you can put one on your back.

and you can make a hat and put one on top of the hat and you can you'll be plugged right dude you

will have free electricity let me tell you something i'm drunk if you get 10 volts if you

get 10 solar panels and hook them up in series and you get yourself uh some deep cycle batteries

and in order you can run everything in your house off of the sunlight and at night time you'll use

electricity that's stored in your deep cycle batteries that sounds expensive oh it's not man

it's not it's it like initial investment but it pays it'll pay you back over time because these

photovoltaic panels last indefinitely they last for like they've got photovoltaic panels that are

over 35 years old dude there's something up there believe me man there's people i know people are

off the grid totally and they they're living on free electricity dude free electricity let me tell

you something man here so you're saying i can get free electricity from yes from solar panels so

you don't even need that much sunlight man that's the thing even when it's cloudy they're still

let me tell you something that pisses me off if i wanted to do that i couldn't you know why

these why not these goddamn housing associations man i'm like come on housing associations you

You know where I live, I have to follow the rules of some white woman out here who for some reason she's in charge of the housing association that they set rules that I can't have a car parked down in my yard if it's broken down because it's going to drop the property value that they'll tow it.

Motherfucker, I own this property, you know.

If I buy a house and I can't have my grass a certain height, I can't paint my house a certain color because if not, these people are going to sue me and they're going to fine me.

What the fuck is a housing association, man?

Do you live in Canada or the United States?

I live in Florida, man.

In Florida?

Fucking D, you buy a house now and you know what you got to do, man?

You got to pay every month.

You got to pay money to these people who are not, they're not deputized people.

They don't, they're not, they, they like, they run this housing association and they get the right to tell you how high your grass can be and what color you paint your house and, and shit.

shit, yeah, that's true, you're right about that, you know what, my girlfriend bought

a bike, a bicycle, man, and she put it on our, on our, on our balcony, you know, they

said we can't have a bike on the balcony, because it's, it's, it can't be out there,

because it's a blight, a visual blight, that it's against the rules to have a bicycle on

the balcony that, on a property that she owns, man, she owns the property, they said you

can't have a bicycle on your fucking balcony, they complained to her, because she bought

into a property

owners association. Exactly, man.

That's some bullshit. Fuck that.

We should, as a people, we should rise up

and overturn

these fucking yentas.

All it is is women. Do you have

to pay like a yearly fee

for the road maintenance and shit?

Hell, man. They're paying like,

hey, Athena. Hey, Athena.

I don't know where she's at.

She's got to pay like

200. Her people pay

like 200 bucks a month

just to live here, man, just so they can mow the grass out here and shit.

$200 a month on property they already own?

Yes.

Free and clear, they own it?

Something like $100, $200 a month they got to pay these people

to do some security and shit, and they don't do half a shit,

and they tell you what to do, fuck them.

Yeah, well, that's good, Carlito, because I'll tell you, man,

Man, anybody listening, don't ever buy into a property owner's association because you're right.

They got petty dictators that can tell you what color your house can be or even what color the roof can be and shit.

You know what they told me?

That if my car breaks down, I can have it in my parking space for three days.

And after that, they have the right to tow it.

It's like, fuck you, man.

You should have bought some land out in the swamp down there in Florida, man.

Man, I don't have that opportunity, man.

It's bullshit, people telling you what you need to do.

Fucking shit, man.

Well, you're down there, man.

I'll tell you what, dude.

You're down there in a beautiful fucking state, man.

Florida is like the California of the East Coast.

Fucking these Cubans and shit.

These Cubans running the fucking country.

That's what I understand.

There's a lot of Cubans there.

I don't trust a Cuban father.

Motherfucking Cubans ruined Puerto Rico where my family's from.

They go there, and they're, you know, let me tell you, some of the most two-faced hypocrites in the world are the Cuban people who live in Florida, who are, man, Republican Hispanics, first of all, all because the Republican Party supports a fucking embargo that's killing children and not letting medicine get to the people of an island.

Fucking shit man

How are you going to starve your own people

I hate Cubans

I wish I was a Cuban right now

I'd fucking punch them in the mouth

Carlito is it really the Cubans

Or is it just like the handful of communists

That run that country

They're still living under a communist dictatorship

You know the fastest way

The fastest way to get communism

In a country to collapse

Is you let Americans go there

And spend American dollars

and you let the information...

What do you think collapsed the Soviet Union?

It was the slow trickle of McDonald's and this and capitalism that went in there

and the people got tired of the communism and they threw it out.

That's right.

You're right about that.

But then I, as an American, can't go to Cuba to visit a country.

That's right.

Because they don't let me.

Because it's a fucking embargo.

But you really can.

There's people slipping out, right out of there all the time.

I know.

Americans go down there and party all the time.

i know some that did you know and it's like uh man they say that you know that it's like uh you're

fucking if coast guard tries interception shit you just wait you wait till a few hours and then

try it again man they don't really give a fuck if they think you're just going there to drink some

some fucking cuban rum or whatever cuban what are they drinking cuban hey drink havana club that's

It's the most popular rum, and you can't even buy it here.

You can't buy a fucking Cuban cigar in the United States for some bullshit reason

because it's going to stop.

You know what?

This Cuban embargo has been going on for fucking 40, 50 years,

and it has fucking John F. Kennedy was president when this embargo went into place.

Fucking Eisenhower was the fucking president when it went into place.

And you know what, Carly?

And the same fucking guy is in charge.

For God's sake, fucking let people go to Cuba and show those people how it is to really live life.

And that's what's going to collapse.

The only reason communism is still alive in Cuba is because those people don't know what I'm living like in America.

Man, those fucking people are 80 miles away from Key West.

And Carlito, John F. Kennedy, he betrayed the Cuban people in the Bay of Pigs.

He did.

He promised them this and that, the aerial support.

They didn't get shit.

Shit, those people got slaughtered, most of them.

Fucking shit, this fucking world is bullshit.

I get so fucking fed up in all this shit.

But you know what, man?

Hey, you know what brought that on, though,

is because of fucking the mafia,

the costra nostra motherfucking degenerate scumbags

that were slit, that fucking killed people for money.

I mean, the most reprobate.

These criminals, they're not good people.

They're fucking scum.

And them motherfuckers had a stranglehold on Cuba with that fucking dictator.

Hey, come back later!

What the fuck?

Waiter?

Somebody's knocking on my fucking door.

Hey, come back later!

I'm talking on the goddamn radio!

Get the...

Come back later!

Hey, but the mafia motherfuckers that had child prostitutes,

They were exploiting the Cubans, the peasants, the peasant people in Cuba,

the poor people were starving, and these fucking rich American mafia motherfuckers

and their white senator-congressman friends were down there opening up these gambling casinos,

and they had child brothels where these rich senators and congressmen go down there

and have sex with 10-year-old Cuban kids.

Sick shit, and that pissed off them poor people.

like Che Guevara and Fidel Castro.

Yeah, man, Fidel.

So it's like when they actually come out of the jungle,

I'm glad they kicked the fucking scumbag mafia out of Cuba,

but the problem was is that Fidel,

he somehow got a stick up his ass

where he became the fucking dictator of his country

instead of, man, he had an opportunity, man,

man to like uh do really good things down there but instead he he turned out to be a scumbag

be be beware of all people that that want power man fuck all these people look there ain't no

good dictators dude there ain't no good any motherfucker that wants to rule and control

you he ain't your friend dude anybody that will put a gun in your hand send you over to another

man's country to kill that person they ain't they're not your friends and they're not good

good people.

They're not bad.

Hey, man.

Right?

Can you see

there, you know,

can you understand

what prompted

that, that, uh,

it was the

conditions in Cuba

were so bad

where they actually

had, like,

Americans were

running brothels

over there

where ten,

ten-year-old

boys and girls

were prostitutes.

Hey, man,

that's nasty.

Hey, man.

That is nasty, dude.

Listen to this.

I'm going to put,

I'm going to put

my girlfriend on the phone.

She's snoring.

Let's hear my

girlfriend snoring.

That's right.

Wow, that's righteous, man.

Yeah, man.

You're a lucky man.

Yeah, the next thing I'm going to do, I want you guys, we're going to do an experiment.

I'm going to put, the phone is going to go inside the dryer, and I'm going to turn it on.

You tell me what you hear, okay?

Okay.

See what happens here.

All right, it's in.

What did that sound?

Hey, put your, let's hear your girlfriend snore again.

That sounded better.

What, you like that?

Yeah, that was good, man.

She's got a cute snore.

That's kind of freaky, man.

I got to go, man.

I got to get out of here.

Hey, man, you think I'm trying to hustle your girlfriend because I like her snore?

Yeah, I just think you're a paranoid dude there, Carlito.

I think you like snoring, man.

Well, you're a good dude.

You know what, man?

You're the best fucker on Frank Radio and PCU.

And I'll tell you what, man.

Dr. Lego and that Zolar and that KDK guy,

All them guys, they ought to sit down at your feet and learn your wisdom, dude.

They're a bunch of assholes, man.

Yeah, well, yeah.

Well, they really are.

Dan, they, yeah, you still, you got some fucking wit and charm about you, dude.

Yeah, well, you know what?

All of them can come over here.

I'll kick their ass one by one.

As long as they fight me one by one, I will punch them.

I will, you know, you don't want to know how much.

Well, no, you got to get up.

See, that's how you'll end up in fucking prison, dude.

I want to go to prison.

I like a nice vacation.

No, you don't want to go to prison.

You don't want to go to prison.

Believe me, when you get to prison, dude, you'll be thinking about what you had.

Shit, dude, before I went to prison, dude, I had, fuck, dude, man, I tell you, dude,

I owned my own property.

I fucking had two Cadillacs.

I fucking, I fucking had, man, man, I tell you, I lost everything, man.

I fucking lost everything, man.

Everything.

Oh, fucking, well, you know what?

You do the crime, you do the time, man.

Well, I didn't do no fucking crime, dude.

I just fucking, well, you didn't vote.

And you know what?

That's against the law.

What I did is I scared some local mafiosos, man, and they fucking...

What'd you do?

Did you threaten the city council?

No, I didn't threaten the city council, man.

I didn't threaten nobody, man.

But they failed to perceive the humor in my situation.

And I believed in the system.

So they said, well, okay, we want you to plead guilty to one felony of assault with a firearm.

What the hell?

And we'll give you two years.

We'll give you two years and you'll do a year.

You'll do a little less than a year because we'll give you credit for time in jail.

But I said, no, I'm going to take it to the 12 of my peers, the jury system, right?

Believe me, dude, if you ever fucking get in any trouble.

Oh, gee, what is that?

Try to make a fucking.

Hello?

Because I'll tell you.

Hello?

What is that?

What the hell is going on?

That's probably the government.

That's the government.

Excuse me.

I did that on purpose

Cause if not

That guy

That's funny

Cause you know what

I was trying to tell you

To have him do a call

I know

It's too late man

I gotta get out of here

I've been talking shit

And everything about that

He is wound up tonight boy

I don't know

I'm wound up

I'm drunk off my ass

My girlfriend's asleep already

It's fuck

It's 108 in the morning

I was telling you

Take and do that thing

With Athena

Plug one of her nose holes

And see if she snores

And then

The funny thing I did

You know what's

You know what's funny

I did that

did it do to Athena

is that I

I'll cover her nose

and her mouth

at the same time

and wake her up

and it freaks her out

each time

I love doing that

so I'm gonna do that

to her right now

but I gotta go to sleep

man

and fucking

Milkman

take us out of here

I don't know what else

to say

take us out of here

Milkman

hurry it up

I'm glad

that the crazy

motherfucker

called in

alright

where was we

madman

thank you

you great man

out there in IRC land

provides us with this

wonderful

Charity lazy dash net yeah you can mash some Cuban in the mouth and come back

and pick your teeth up later after your bands over and shake your hands and be

friends and wish your Puerto Rican instead I'd like to thank our voice out

there to the world where the madhouse can tickle you also thank you so much

dr. Lego for all you do and very smart man for not answering the phone but we

We were ready for your ass.

Also, I can...

I'm now the one sponsor.

The incredible and full-size BB.

No foreskin, but a lot of foresight.

KDK, the legendary prankster, our Cerebro the Punk World, who's mad as fuck at me.

Thank you so much, KDK, for giving us a chance, having the wisdom to realize that we can have some fun,

and let us bring our laughs every week to this crazy community you invented here, PCU.

Thank you so much, KDK.

Also, I'd like to thank my fearless leader, Commodore, I don't know, I don't know.

Yeah, man, the king, motherfucker, yeah, yeah.

We love Carlito.

I love Carlito, too.

That's right.

And I'd like to thank everybody who called in.

I'd like to thank the crazy motherfucker from California.

I'd like to thank Lonesome the Loser.

I'd like to thank that guy from over there, the guy who called in from over there, you know.

I'd like to thank Jonathan for calling in

I'd like to thank Chuck for calling in

And

Nobody else called in right

All you people don't appreciate me

Nobody appreciates me around here

All of you

Nobody appreciates me

I'd like to thank

Thank you

I'd like to thank

And Carlito, I thank KDK and Lonesome Loser for the phone card and for all the fucking numbers you sent in, man.

And Clone Homegrown and shit, thank you for being on.

And I don't like, I like, I hate America.

That's it.

Me too.

That's all I got to say, man.

George Bush works.

On top of everything, I hate America.

So anyway, I don't know if I have permission, but here's what, I'm going to play that, I'm going to play the outro here.

We're going to sign off.

We're going to play the Artie Lang interview from NPR Radio, and we're going to call it a night.

Call it a night?

Yes.

I want to thank one last group before all.

Everybody out there listening, because it's all about you.

Yes.

We do this every week.

We pay money just to come in here and entertain you and give you free interactive entertainment.

It's all about you, the listeners.

We love you, and we couldn't do it without you.

Thank God for all you listeners.

We love you.

And KDK is not mad at me.

I'm still joking around, KDK.

KDK, he said you're uppity.

But anyway.

And you are uppity.

I'm not uppity, KDK, I love you.

You're uppity though, Muffet.

I was just joking around.

You're an uppity.

I'm still in my water.

You're uppity.

I'm not allowed to joke no more.

You're shut off, Muffet Man, because I am in control.

I'll put you back on there.

I got my butt cut off.

I got an opinion.

I've been a bet.

Hey, everybody.

Look, man, he's an uppity motherfucker.

I got my high heels on.

Does that count?

Whatever.

Let's go to sleep, man.

I got to go.

Don't fuck with me anymore.

All right, you're going to play that cool call, man, before we go out.

Yeah, whatever.

We're going to play the interview, Artie Lang's interview on FKR.

Oh, fuck's sake.

All right, we love you all.

Thanks a lot.

Tune back in next week.

We're going to do a 420 show, damn it.

We're going to do a 420 show.

Fuck it.

Hey, everybody.

We're gonna do a first one today.

All you motherfuckers, I want to thank everybody.

I'm gonna die on October the 4th.

We want to thank everybody who didn't call in today.

Everybody's gonna...

I gave it to you today.

I gave it to you today, man.

My kid's gonna do it today.

We're gonna do it today.

Oh, oh.

What the fuck is that?

Man, you're gay, man.

You guys don't know who you is, dude.

you are listening to a replay of madhouse radio well i think you should fucking hang

up or i'm gonna find out who you are and punch your fucking face in

Calls (16, 46 min of 2 h 30 min)

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