2006-09-21 Show

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

No, you're not having no effect on me.

Yes, I am.

You're going to like it, too.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Yeah.

Thank you, Athena, for the phone.

Everybody's clapping for Athena.

No one can hear her.

They're talking so much about you, Athena, and you don't have the headphones on.

You don't know.

You missed it.

You had a standing ovation.

Hey, everybody.

Good evening.

Good.

Good evening.

Ba-dee-ba-dee-ba-dee-ba-doo-ba-dop-ba-dop-bop-bop.

there it is we're here we're doing a show madhouse radios on the air it's 10 13 p.m eastern standard

time thursday september the 21st we are smoking weed every day all day and we are here here in

studio with me is the gorgeous beautiful athena athena wave hi to everybody she waves hi milkman

three-time uh domino champion of the caribbean is also linked to us via satellite

light that's right we are super excited today and of course homegrown

what is up carlito my man just messing up the audio taking after me with the smoking weed

every day smoke weed every day that's right we are here that's fucking right that's a problem

Problem. I've got problems.

Ew, Athena, what's on your laptop? That's nasty.

Look at that. What is it?

Is it porn? No, it's a seed.

That's all. I just saw

something nasty on her laptop. Physically, not

on there, no. She had pictures of the dead

up there. She had pictures of me up there.

That was nasty. Hey, we're going to do a show,

everybody, and it is now

time for you to

write down this phone number. You can call in

later in the show after we start up here.

The toll-free line is

888-278-8509.

Again, our toll-free line here, 888-278-8509.

The chat room is also open.

Milkman will now give us information for the chat room.

Hey, man, everybody, come in there the IRC way, man.

You go in there, irc-lazy.net.be.

Come on in and join the channel, PCU, and meet all the other crazy individuals in here.

They're going to be sending in numbers and having a great time.

Join us.

Yes, join us, damn it.

Again, it's irc.lazy-net.de.

Join Pound PCU, PCU as in Prank Call Underground Radio, that is.

You can also join the chat room at madhouselive.com.

Madhouselive.com, click the listen join.

That's a good way.

Click the listen join, it opens right there for you.

You can also spread the word.

You can send your prank call request there directly to us here.

That's instant delivery to the desktop here in the studio.

We can do your prank call request.

Hey, tell us about that, Carter.

How does that work?

This is the automated request, a prank form on MadHouseLive.com,

on the website MadHouseLive.com, rather.

You can put in the information for your prank call request,

and we'll do it for you live on the air, free of charge.

No worries there.

That's totally fucking cool.

You know, no one else does that for you, people.

We here do that for you.

Nobody else would do that for you.

That's right baby we give you the time

And we even pay for the time

Yeah you get free

You can call the show for free anywhere

On the toll free line

And you can send in your prep request free

All that shit

Anyway I digress

To round out the ways to contact us here tonight

If you're using AOL Instant Messenger

You can reach me at Madhouse Radio

Again on AOL Instant Messenger

Madhouse Radio

Yahoo Messenger

Madhouse PCU Radio

And on MSN

messenger madhouse

PCU radio at hotmail.com

one more time the toll free line

will be open later tonight it is not open

yet we'll have to keep the phones off

the hook for a little bit at the beginning of the show

but later on it will be open

1-888-278-8509

our email here is

madhouseradio at gmail.com

and the

podcast is also out there just updated

today better late than never but last

week's show is on the podcast

podcast ladies and gentlemen i i would like to announce that i have um have figured out the uh

first cd for our show and it's going to be out i would say in two weeks what do you think of

the anything that's a decent time 23 prank calls on it 23 prank calls just over an hour worth of

us yeah and it's i don't know how much it's going to sell for or what exactly but i plan on releasing

a cd and maybe i'll sell maybe enough to break even on the whole on the whole thing i think

Man, I'll tell you, man.

No matter what, it's going to be a bargain.

That's right.

Now the Carlito phone is going off.

I forgot to turn that down.

The bat phone's ringing away.

It is, it is.

We'll have to get that.

Okay, anyway.

The bat phone.

Right.

Mbit, I believe that's how you pronounce it, on AOL Messenger,

checks in as a first-time listener in the house.

Well, thank you very much for joining us.

Much appreciated.

We number him from Lonesome Loser in the chat room.

Lonesome Loser, as Milkman says, the hardest-working man in PCU radio.

on the internet has confirmed a bunch of numbers here we got a lot of burger joints i don't know

i i really think he's connected that's all i don't know what to what but he's connected to

something and he's a machine he's got the hookup he does yeah everything from uh you know from how

to do origami to confirming prank calls he's your man so there it is who is what'd you do what it

was all right i'll turn that off jeez tell the transvestite to quit calling you yeah yeah she's

She's supposed to know if he's in his home on Thursday nights.

Oh, my bad.

Anyway, we got a theme of Bongo.

Bongo Burger and Coco Bongo.

These are all in California.

Weird Wally's.

We got Dirty Harry's Lounge.

Floyd's Fireside Chat.

What the hell?

Floyd's Fireside Chat.

Okay, there's also a place called Doc Holidays.

He says to tell them that Dano was rude to me.

That's in Reno, Nevada.

Nevada, Nevada.

Fly Girls.

Girls, the Chawan Shop, Foot Locker.

We got Nuts in Hawaii, Honolulu Nuts Company.

An Asian woman answered at 10 p.m. in Waimanalo, Hawaii.

Okay, good.

So, yeah, we need ideas.

We need ideas on the title for the prank call.

Milkman, any ideas?

Cloned, any ideas?

Milkman, take the floor first.

Any ideas?

I'd say, how about Pigro's Poi?

Pigro's Poi.

Poi, that's a Hawaiian thing, right?

Yeah.

What do you say, Quim?

Papalolo Amawi Wawi.

Yeah, well, he just goes to a weed reference.

That's as far as it goes.

I don't know.

I'll think about it.

I need to get really drunk to figure out.

Normally, all I have to do is get really drunk, and I'll figure out something, right?

Isn't that how it usually goes?

That's how I financed when I moved out last time.

That's how I paid for my heart surgery.

I figured out how to pay for it.

a way to pay for it, man.

If you've got kidneys,

you can get one.

That's fine.

I got one kidney

and it's down to 50%

functionality, man.

What do I do?

You get on the list.

Yeah.

Hopefully,

I'll get on that list.

Anybody selling a kidney

out there,

let's, you know,

donate one to Carlito.

Please send that in

because I really,

I'm kidding.

Hey, I got a can

of kidney beans.

Kidney beans, good.

We can just mash them up

into a functional kidney.

Anyway,

those aren't real kidney beans.

Yeah, I'll do it for the whole haul.

Yeah.

So, hey, man,

Man, Hugo Chavez, he talked shit about the president.

Milkman, what are your thoughts on that?

Hugo Chavez rocks, man.

That is one dude with a major sack.

Yeah, he said some shit.

I think we make him president of the U.S.

Wow, man, strong statements from both of you.

You know, even the Democrats today were speaking against him,

saying that he should not have talked shit on American soldiers.

I don't know.

I think he's an asshole.

He's a stuck-up guy.

And he's a communist guy.

He's a wannabe Fidel Castro is all it is.

And he's not Fidel Castro.

Viva Fidel.

Yeah, that's what he wants.

Well, here we have him now.

He's an official sound clip on the Madhouse.

This is him right here.

You are a donkey, Mr. Bush.

We can play that whenever we want.

So, Milkman, if you ever want me to play that, I can definitely play that.

We got that ready to go at any time.

You are a donkey, Mr. Bush.

Oh, yeah.

I like that.

You are a donkey, Mr. Bush.

Okay.

Flat has sent me a number for a suicide hotline.

He is, but Flat has sent me a number for a suicide hotline.

That's kind of fun.

Okay, and yeah.

What else can we talk about?

You got to watch out.

If it's 800, though, they can track you, so you got to really be careful with that stuff.

Yeah, I got to do a workaround here.

I got to process.

What else has happened, man?

Spinach.

Spinach makes you shit, apparently.

Hell yeah.

Well, spinach is full of shit.

It does something to you, man.

You got to watch out for that.

It can kill you.

Yeah, it'll do something to you.

Don't eat spinach.

Athena, Lamar, what are we doing?

Do you know?

Do you remember?

I know.

What's tomorrow?

What time do you work?

Six o'clock.

We're supposed to watch Jackass.

Jackass number two in the afternoon.

Are we going?

You don't seem like you want to go.

I'm going to go by myself after you leave.

If you don't go with me in the afternoon.

But yeah, Jackass number two starts tomorrow.

It comes out in theaters, so make sure to check that out.

Hey, everybody.

Milkman, do you know what Jackass is at all?

Do you have any idea what that is?

I know Clone knows, but I wonder if Milkman knows what Jackass is.

Jackass is that crazy show where them wannabe homos, like, stuck Hot Wheels in each other's ass and shit.

Exactly.

Well, guess what?

Guess what?

They made another one, and it comes out tomorrow.

Isn't that exciting?

Oh, really?

Yes.

It comes out tomorrow in theaters.

Maybe not in the Virgin Islands, but it will be out in the real states.

In the real America, it will be out.

Hey, I think that's the real Zolar in the chat.

Yes.

The real Zolar is.

Why don't you go ahead and min-op him for me, please, if you don't mind.

I just double-checked to make sure it was he.

We've got to do a scan, and he passed.

Now up in the ranks.

Excellent.

Zolar in the chat room.

Let's have a little applause for Zolar.

All right, good.

Okay.

Yay!

What else?

I've got written down here.

Nothing else.

KDK is going to be in Howard Stern October the 10th.

There's an update there.

I hope he's not mad for me giving that out, but it has changed the date.

He's confirmed for the Howard Stern show on October the 10th.

So be sure to check.

He's going to be on Howard Stern?

On the Howard Stern show.

Yes, he's making an appearance at the Howard Stern Show.

He's going to have sex with a transvestite that lives in an apartment with like 40 or 50 cats.

No joke.

That's the truth right there.

A transsexual.

I'm sorry, a post-op.

She, you know, this is a man who got his thing turned into a hey nanny nanny.

Milkman, as I turn you on.

Milkman's not even talking.

Oh, baby.

See, Milkman likes him like that.

Milkman likes him like that.

Okay, everybody, we need to do prank calls.

Tsk, tsk.

whisk whisk i don't have music ready son of a bitch that sucks any song requests

any song requests out there anybody wants to give that out regulators do i have that hang on

i think i got that regulators warren g

oh i got let me ride i forgot about that song is that the one yeah that's it the dr dre one yeah it

is i have it or do i have it do i have it or do i have it oh it's like a remix of it

D.R. Dre

Alright, well, we're gonna play this.

Who are we gonna call?

I'm already...

Okay, we're gonna call the Honolulu Nuts Company.

In Honolulu.

What the fuck?

I'm Dre.

That's the nuclear company.

This is Kelsey speaking.

How can I help you?

Yeah, you have nuts?

Yeah.

Do you do bulk orders nuts?

Let's just talk to the boss, okay?

Who's the boss?

What's the name?

Her name is Yvonne Verano.

How do you spell that?

Morano?

Um, Verano.

Ver...

Whatever.

Go ahead and get...

Can you get her for me, please?

Okay, hold on.

Thanks, sexy.

Alright.

Hello?

Hey, how you doing, tits?

Who's this?

My name.

Hello.

Who am I speaking with?

This is Ms. Vernano.

Who is this?

I'm looking for Ms. Vernano.

No, I got the wrong number.

Well, this is the Nuts Company, please.

I ruined it.

She thought you were a telemarketer.

Oh, yeah, you're right, man.

You should know you're a telemarketer, you bastard.

Hang on.

Whoops.

Okay, we're back.

Let me try to call her back.

Hey, I just got a message.

Is there a link to the chat room from your website?

Yes, there is, absolutely.

MadhouseLive.com

forward slash join

to be exact

but if you go to MadhouseLive.com

you go to the top you click the listen join

link at the top and it'll

take you to where you can get in the

chat room you click the PCU

chat button in the middle of the page

and it will open the chat room right there

for you using Java

and that's free

the old PCU button in the middle of the page

that's right

do you have a link for that Java

There is a link.

There's supposed to be a link there for Java.

If not, it automatically prompts you to download it anyway.

If not, just what is it?

Isn't it java.com?

What's java?

Isn't it java.com?

Java.com.

Anyway, so yeah, let's try to do another phone call here.

We're bullshitting, gentlemen.

Do it.

Take it too long.

Fook Lamb Restaurant in Honolulu.

We also have U.S. is Nuts.

Huh, U.S. is Nuts.

I don't like the sound of that.

An Asian guy answered there.

Let's call him.

That's very rude.

Control with the phone.

We're back in action.

Hello?

Hey, how you doing?

Is this U.S. Nuts is Nuts?

Yes.

Is it U.S. Nuts is Nuts or is it Us is Nuts?

Us is Nuts.

Okay, wouldn't it be U.S. is Nuts because I wouldn't really, you know, support that.

No, I have on good confidence that you guys are anti-American that you were saying that

the U.S. is Nuts.

Hello, sir?

Yes.

What, are you playing with your nuts?

What's going on?

Sir, in the background, what's that noise?

What is your problem?

Do you sell nuts by the count or by the pound or how?

Sell by the pound.

Okay.

How much does a pound of filberts over there cost?

I have no filberts.

What do you have there?

Pistachios, cashews.

Like any macadamias?

I'm sorry, no macadamia.

No, macadamia, is that like the nut with a lot of fat, right?

It has a lot of fat in it?

It's just too expensive for me to carry.

Oh, it's so good.

Do you know macadamia nuts?

Yes.

Do you like macadamia?

What's your favorite nut?

You know, my favorite nut is the macadamia, but it's too expensive.

So if I don't have enough money, I buy some pistachios, man.

I like pistachios.

Do you salt them?

Yeah, we salt them.

Hey, man, how come you can't find any shelled pistachios?

Is it really that hard to get them shelled?

No, I have them shelled.

Really?

Shelled and salted?

Shelled and salted.

Pistachios?

Do you really?

Yes.

Oh, Jesus, man.

Well, that's great.

How much would cost me for, let's say, 20 pounds of pistachio?

I got a pistachio cake that I'm trying to make for a wedding over here.

Where are you?

We're in the big aisle.

The wedding is going to be in two days.

So we're going to try to make the cake tomorrow.

You understand?

I cannot get them to you that fast.

How many can you get us?

We might just do a side dish just with some pistachios.

But we need to get pistachios here for the old lady.

No, no, but even if I shipped it FedEx, it would cost you an arm and a leg.

But we're in Honolulu.

The wedding is going to be here in Honolulu.

It's two men.

They're having a...

Oh, it's in Honolulu.

They're having one of those fag services.

Keith and Dave.

Okay.

Yeah.

Hi, let me check how many pounds.

Okay.

I don't have 20 pounds.

Well, how many do you have?

Whatever you got, we'll take it.

You know, buddy?

We can get the rest at Costco or Walmart or something.

Okay, hold on.

All right.

Hey, Milkman.

Hey, Nickertoes.

Those are Brazil nuts, right?

Okay.

All right, got it.

Yeah, okay, got it.

I got four pounds.

Four pounds?

Yeah.

Okay, dude.

Oh, man.

Yeah, that's...

Hey, what about...

Can you make, like, a pistachio butter?

Do you think maybe we could, like, blend them up with some oil?

Yeah, I saw that on TV.

Yeah?

What do they call it, pistachio butter?

Yeah.

It look green, right?

Yeah.

What about Brazil nuts?

Where can I get some Brazil nuts over here?

That I wouldn't know.

Yeah, we're going to make nigger toe pie?

Yeah.

I wouldn't know that.

You know how you make nigger toe pie?

No, I don't.

You take a black, I mean, black chocolate, like, black is asphalt, right?

And you put it in an Oreo crust, and then you put Brazil nuts on it, and it's called nigger

toe pie.

Okay.

Yeah, so no chance we can get, you know, any Brazil nuts or anything like that, huh?

But I'm busy right now, so...

What are you busy with?

Yeah, I just drop on by and...

You're counting your nuts?

What are you doing there?

Selling.

What are you...

Stuff.

Oh, I see.

Oh, you got...

Call me tomorrow.

You got stuff?

I know what you mean, stuff, right?

Yeah.

You got, like, some, you know, some stuff?

Like, green stuff?

You got the green stuff?

Right.

Bye.

Oh, how much?

Look.

You got...

I was trying to buy weed

Hang on everybody

Yeah I know this

We are selling stuff

Dude

Something man

You should ask if it had nigger toes

And then that way you could say

Oh I thought that was a boot

Yeah

The shit

Nigger toes man

Uh

Nunu

Says that Milkman is Long Dong's dad

Do you have anything to say about that?

Is it true?

Nunu you freaking wanker

Yeah

Oh

Exactly

Oh man

I got like

Hey, Zola just kicked Prankmaster.

How about that, huh?

Way to go, Zola.

Yeah, Zola.

All right.

Way to go, Zola.

He'll just be back.

He'll be back in about ten seconds.

Nunu sent in a number for a youngish but stupid-sounding guy from northwest of England.

Northwest of England?

Or, okay, in England in the northwest.

I think his name is Albert or something.

Not sure in the number.

I don't know what that's all about.

But we'll try that.

Any ideas yet on the title for the CD, man?

I really don't have any idea what we can do for a CD title.

Booger Picker's Paradise.

I thought I had one.

I've got to do this over here.

Oh, it's the Party Room.

Party Room is a party room.

That's the one?

Yeah, the toll-free line is going to be open in about 10 seconds.

1-888-

The toll-free line.

278-8509.

That's one.

The number is 888-278-8509.

That's the one.

Free.

Toll free, that is.

We're going to call someone here.

We've got to find the number.

I had the idea.

Someone?

No, not just someone.

Not just anyone.

We're going to call someone.

We're going to call Foot Locker in Hawaii also.

We're on a Hawaiian kick today.

What can I say?

We're calling Foot Locker next.

And we're going to play a song, too.

Thank you for calling Hallamore and Foot Locker.

This is Ben. How can I help you?

Hey, Ben. This is Foot Locker, correct?

Yes.

All right, Ben. My name is John Bozell, and I came in the other day,

and I got a pair of your sneakers there, Nike sneakers.

There's something about the 20. You know what I'm talking about?

The 20?

It's something like that, man.

I got them as a gift for my son.

We went down to the beach over here, and we had just finished seeing a scary movie on TV,

and we went down to the beach and these kids were letting off fireworks

and I got so scared watching the fireworks that I actually did in my shorts, you know.

And they have gone all over the sneakers and these gentlemen were down there drinking

and they started laughing at me, these gentlemen did.

And we went ahead and started walking back to the car

and I slipped on the sneakers with the poo on the asphalt right there

and I burnt my hands on the black asphalt.

fault and i want to go ahead and sue you for selling them to me and i was wondering if you

gave me the court number for this shoe manufacturer nike so i can go ahead and sue them sir you can't

do that well sir you sold them to me fair and square and i i fell down here and i got degree

burns on my hands and these gentlemen laughed at me and i'm suing my son as well for buying these

damn sneakers for me now he said fair and square he's not going to go return them but i by god i'm

I'm going to sue him, and I'm suing you,

and I really need you to get me your corporate office address or something

so I can send this out.

Sure I can.

America is a free country.

I don't know if you knew, Honolulu is the last state to join in.

Where have you been, buddy?

You can't sue us for that.

That had nothing to do with us.

Well, sir, by law, by God and by law,

you need to give me the address, no matter what, if I ask.

I can give you the address.

I can give you the phone number.

All right, well, you sold him to my son.

and he said that you sold them to him

and we got your name on the receipt here.

My name is not on the receipt.

He wrote it down after he did the transaction.

He wrote it down right there

after he signed the Visa card.

What's my name?

Sir?

Huh?

You told me your name in the beginning of the damn thing.

I'm sorry?

Sir, he's got your name here, Ferran Squirt,

and I really need...

What's my name?

Can I go ahead and get your last name

and your Social Security number, please?

You can get my Social Security number.

Well, do you have a Visa debit card

or maybe I can put the deposit down?

No.

On the lawsuit?

No.

Please, man, I just need to make a deposit on this, or I'm going to lose my apartment.

I'll give you the corporate number. You can call them.

How about $29 to help me out with this deposit on my apartment?

No.

I lost my job, and I'm just trying to sue someone, and I thought maybe I'd try to get...

Okay, unfortunately, that's your fault.

Was there someone else that maybe I could sue for something?

Hold on. Why don't you hold on, please?

Okay.

That's retarded.

Maybe he's getting a cop.

I kicked my pants. Can I sue you?

Who's jerking off?

Athena.

Tina.

This guy's taking too long.

That guy was taking too goddamn long, man.

That was good, though.

That was fun.

I am reactivating.

Yeah, nice.

Yes, I'm reactivating the toll-free line right now as we speak.

So, excuse me while I do that.

There it is.

Okay.

And here we are.

Great call, guys.

Great call.

Yeah, we're playing hard, man.

Yeah, we've got a busy chat room here.

People are punk.

Also, I have breaking news, everybody.

Breaking news.

Milkman, cut the music, please.

Breaking news here.

Tomorrow evening

Joop is going to be doing a show at 8pm

Eastern Standard

He handed me that note right now

To make sure to announce that

Joop will be doing a show

Tomorrow at 8pm Eastern

Followed by Zolar

And his Zolar vision tomorrow

I see Blackbox has entered and left the chatroom

That is not Blackout

Our former competitor

That is a friend of mine

From high school who listens to the show

And he joins the chatroom every once in a while

So be cool with him, everybody.

Be cool.

Lifeblocks is cool.

That's a good friend of mine from high school as well.

Thank you very much for stopping in.

All right, guys.

Who shall we call next?

Any requests?

What's the 800 number again?

It is open.

It is 888-278-509.

That is the toll free number.

888-278-509.

Yes, sir.

That's the toll free number.

Oh, man.

Everything's jumping around like crazy.

We got a few Popeyeses over here that we can call.

Popeyes, chickens, and biscuits.

Fook Lamb Restaurant, okay.

The Chawan Shop.

Scoop and Fruit Wound, too.

God, dang it.

Tainted Thoughts.

Oh, yeah, here's the one we're going to do.

We're going to call Doc Holidays in Nevada, where Dana was rude to us.

After that, Milkman, we need to call Sam.

You know who I'm talking about, Sam?

Yeah.

We need to call Sam the Donut Man for sure.

Before it's too late.

Yep.

Elisa 12 is our favorite person to call here on this show.

So we most definitely have to do that.

Oh, yeah, by the way, tonight our outro is a brand-new outro that we have tonight.

I made a new outro for the show.

So be sure to check that out.

Oh, really?

That's at the end of the show tonight.

We'll be playing that.

So it's seven minutes long.

It'll play at the end of our show for about six months probably.

So we change it out every once in a while.

But, yeah.

Okay.

Next call is coming up.

Doc Holliday is in Reno.

We'll be back in a moment.

Doc

I call it a dash?

God, you got to answer so loud.

What?

You have to answer so loud.

No, I just can't hear.

You know, you're the second person there to talk to me like that.

Where's Dan L at?

Dan L just left.

Well, Dan L was very rude to me when I came in and I wanted to file a formal complaint.

Oh, stop it.

No, seriously, he was very rude to me and I wanted to file a formal complaint with whoever's in charge there.

No.

Man, what is your name?

Who is this?

No, what is your name?

My name is Ashley.

Okay, my name is Steve Bozella.

I was just in there, and this gentleman...

Is who? I'm sorry. I can hardly hear you.

Steve Bozell. Stephen Bozell, sir.

Stephen Bozell?

Yes, that's right.

Okay.

I'm on vacation. We couldn't afford to go to Vegas. We stopped in Reno instead.

This gentleman was very rude to me. I'm not very happy. I want to file a formal complaint against him and you now.

What's your name?

And me?

What's your name?

My name is Ashley.

How do you spell that?

A-S-H-L-E-I-T-E.

How do you spell your last name?

I'm sorry.

How do you spell your last name? I need it for this form.

Why was I rude to you, sir?

Because you're laughing at me because of the fact that I'm including you in the...

I am not laughing at you. I can hardly hear.

I'm including you in the lawsuit.

Here you go.

Now she's going to stop talking to me.

I'm sorry?

How are you going to stop talking to me?

No, I just can't hear you. I'm sorry.

Well, can you move somewhere that I can hear me?

Because now you have to give me a lot of...

I need to take down your...

I'm sorry. I'm the only one here and I've got a full bar.

Well, I'll need this information for this invoice.

I'm sorry. You know what?

Maybe the best bet would be to come down and get it.

Well, no. I'm not allowed to go down there.

Okay, well, I'm sorry.

I have a restraining order.

I can't go down there.

What am I forgetting there?

What did I forget?

Catherine, do you want a beer?

Hey, ma'am?

Yes.

I have a restraining order on me.

Catherine has one on me.

Can you ask her to stay 500 feet away and I can come down there and get the information?

Who?

Catherine has a restraining order out against me.

No, you know what?

I'm sorry.

I can't.

I'm going to have to let you go.

Can you ask her she'll let me go in there, please?

No, I'm going to have to let you go.

But listen.

I don't know if this is a joke or not, but I just don't have the time right now.

Just ask her if I can go in there.

You don't even know her.

Yes, tell her Steve, the guy that she has a restraining order against, wants to come in.

No, I'm sorry.

By any permission.

I don't know if this is a joke or not, but I don't have time for it.

Ma'am, I wouldn't joke around.

This is serious.

Well, I'm sorry.

Please, I'll give you a dollar.

Damn it.

Just a dollar.

Whatever.

Yes.

What was that all about?

Restraining order.

You can hear him.

He should be able to keep the dollar.

Yeah.

Joop said he's going to make me an intro.

Oh, boy.

Just like his

Exactly like his

That's interesting

Yeah

He's got the best

Intro on PCU

Everybody

Don't miss that

The best part of

Joop's show

Is his intro

Be sure to catch that

It's definitely funny

I'm sorry

That's rude

I like my deep bottom

Because whenever I get there

I sound like

I got helium in my lungs

Something

He's got the one

With the black guy

That's funny

It's like he

Yeah

When I listen

What is it

When I listen to

Monkey Fools

We talk about

When I listen to

Monkey Fools

I stab a nigga named Tyrone

Yeah

Or like

I stab a nigga named Tyrone

Like that

That's funny

It's hilarious

Jonathan says he's sorry he's late

Well shit

Jonathan's late

I don't know

Should we end the show

Jonathan's late everybody

I don't know

That's punishment

I'm out of here

Alright that's it

I don't know where our cookies are

Yeah

Our cookies are late

And you're late Jonathan

And we don't appreciate that

So that's it

We're gonna end the show

My wife's late

Thank you very much everybody

We're gonna call Cheese Boy

I'll be down for it

Have a good night everybody

We're out of here

I'm kidding

I'll stay

That's just a joke everybody

All you dummies that tuned out

Tune back in

Yeah they're going to be able to hear that

We have

We have 94 listeners right now

We have 94 listeners now

On the extended Madhouse Radio Network

Thank you very much to all of you

Who are listening to us tonight

On Madhouse Radio

You're also listening to us on PCU Prank Call Underground Radio, our flagship station.

And we're also on Jammin' 101, the hits from Someday and all that stuff.

Hey!

Hey, Jammin'.

We have a caller here from North Carolina, none other than who?

Jonathan, you're on the air. Go ahead.

What's up, Carlito?

Jonathan, I don't know, man. I'm not happy. You're late.

I got stuck in traffic. I was from home late to work.

Oh, man.

Sounds like bullshit to me.

Sounds, yeah, clone system sounds like, you know, BS.

I don't know, man.

I mean, what's going on?

You're slacking.

Why are you running late today?

You have overtime?

Uh, I got here about a couple months ago.

I'm just kidding with you, man.

That's all good.

Hey, Jonathan, you know, we heard you.

Let's go around and around.

I played your prank calls, man.

I listened to them, and I played them earlier today,

and I'll play them at the end of the show today, man.

How did you like them?

Yes, they were pretty funny.

They were cheese-related prank calls.

What are you looking for, that?

Okay.

I'm going to stick to this, Athena.

All right, there.

Good deal.

All right, go on.

Jonathan, did you go to college at all ever?

One year I did.

One year, your freshman year, was that it, or how'd it go?

It went all right.

Okay.

That's how I got the job for the cash transit system.

Okay, all right.

And we know your favorite drink is the pina colada.

When was the first time you had an alcoholic drink?

Oh, it's been a while.

Were you 18?

Were you 21, or what's the deal with that?

21.

You were 21?

You waited until you were 21, honestly?

Mm-hmm.

Do you go to church at all?

Yes, I do.

That's great, man.

You know, I think the majority of people out there on PCU don't go to church,

but I know I stopped going to church.

Athena goes to church.

I don't.

I'm a Satanist.

Cloned as a Satanist.

She practices at home.

Jonathan, can you do me a favor?

Can you send me the number for Cheese Boy again, his cell phone number?

I'd like to give him a call tonight.

Sure, I can send you it right now.

All right, no problem.

And those cookies, Milkman is asking, are they on their way still?

Yes.

He has some, I think it was grasshopper cookies that are coming in,

and you've got sugar-free cookies coming in.

Excellent.

Sugar-free is my deal right there.

Thank you very much, Jonathan.

You're a gentleman and a scholar,

and now is your time to say hi or goodbye to anybody who's out there listening.

I just want to give a shout-out to all my listeners and friends out there on PCU,

and I hope you have a safe and great weekend.

Okay.

Well, God bless you, sir.

You have a good night.

Thank you for calling in.

We'll catch you next week, man.

All right.

All right, then.

Yeah, I don't know.

Jonathan's got listeners.

I laugh every time he says that.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

I like to say.

Like me, thank you, myself.

I like to say thank you for everybody.

That's funny.

I like to say thank you to all my listeners.

Oh, man.

You got to love guys like that.

Thank you very much.

He didn't thank himself like I did.

Yeah, that's true.

Well, super, everybody.

That's just rude.

Yeah.

Man, we got to do another prank call.

Numbers, though, coming in.

We got Island Spirit Yoga

Island Spirit Yoga

We also have Aloha Spirit Weddings

Excellent

Asian people

You gotta do John Masters to the yoga

I have bad lungs man

I need to talk about something serious here

Let me cut the music real quick

Where's the music playing?

I have a lung problem Athena

I wake up every morning and I'm hacking

And I get into these coughing fits, too, sometimes, man.

And it's really scary.

It might be that, but maybe I have lung cancer or emphysema or something.

But when do you smoke smoking cigarettes?

At 12 or 13?

Right before you turn 13?

And you quit six months ago?

And so you smoked for 10 years, let's say, right?

You smoked for 10 years straight?

And you don't hack or anything, do you?

Oh, okay.

I don't know.

I need to quit smoking stuff.

I've got to find something else.

Add that weed, man.

I'm going to start chewing dip or something.

Yeah, come on, baby.

Athena's like

You're not kissing me

At all

Athena's getting ready

To cut off the head privileges

Is what's happening

I think if I ever dare

Chew and dip

Hey

Yeah

There's your buddy

Big Pussy

Saigon's in the chat room

Alright

Saigon

Big Pussy

Big Pussy's here

Jonathan is sending

A number for Cheese Boy

Tuck has

Says Jonathan

Owes him a recording

Okay

Joop says

Nothing new

So we'll close him out

Ready to go

And fuck it

Earthdog says

We're not in Jammin' 101

We'll forget it

We're not in Jammin' 101

That's why they have

So few listeners

So okay

Whatever

We have 49 listeners

Big whoop-de-doo

Um

Island Spirit Yoga it is

With Jon Masters

On

Jon Masters

Alright

Okay

Jack Masterson

Jon Masterson

Get it right

Um

We'll play this

That's

Blah blah blah blah blah

You are a donkey

Mr. Bush

Okay

We're right back after this folks

no answer there that's not a problem nothing changes the plan has not changed we came for

the diamonds everybody we came for the diamond um aloha spirit weddings it is then i'll have to

figure out jack masterson into this one and after that we'll call uh sam the donut man for milkman

yeah and i think for everybody else out there who's a big fan of him and the ongoing saga

nina is sending that information yeah send it in damn it hello this is the wedding i beg your

Is this for weddings?

This is Reverend Julia. Is that who you're calling?

Yes.

How can I help you?

I was interested in a reservation.

You'd like to have a wedding service, and when would that be for?

As soon as possible, as soon as you have available.

I see.

Well, I am not on island right now.

I would be happy to call another pastor and see if I can have them help you.

Possibly.

What if it's tomorrow? When are you free again?

I want you.

You sound good.

Oh, thank you, dear, but I'm not on island.

I won't be back until November the 19th.

Where are you now?

New Mexico.

Oh, nice.

Really?

I just came from there.

Reno, Nevada.

Oh, you're kidding.

Yeah, well, New Mexico on the way.

We drove over here.

Right.

Yeah, man.

Oh, my.

Yeah, so do you marry men, right?

I heard you marry men.

I beg your pardon?

I heard that you married men.

That's why I'm calling you.

Oh, well, that's fine.

But as I said, I won't be back until November the 19th.

The 19th, well, that's horrible.

Who else can I call?

You got a number you can shoot me or something?

Let me think just a minute now.

Hurry up.

Can you hurry up, please?

Yeah, I can.

Reverend John Bullock, B-U-L-L-O-C-K.

Bullock?

Yeah, B-U-L-L-O-C-K.

Jim J. Bullock.

Yeah, John, J-U-L-L-O-C-K, John Bullock.

Jim J. I. M. Bullock.

Got it?

All right.

Right.

Right, and I don't have his number.

Oh, man, I mean, what am I going to do?

I need to get married.

Well, what you can do is...

Do you have any suggestions?

Look, I'm trying to get the life insurance out of this broad.

You're too sweet.

Let's see.

Come on.

Yeah, I mean, I'm giving you a name of somebody, you know, if he's available.

God, woman, what's it going to take for you to play with me?

I'm going to say goodbye now.

Just play with me.

Play with me on the phone.

This is going nowhere

God man

It's like having a conversation

With this one over here

I hear you married guys

That's pretty good

Yeah

That was supposed to be

A John Masterson thing

But I forgot about it

And then she's

In and out of the stupid island

So I have nothing I can do

Well shit

Big pussy's dating

The lake boy

Yeah

I'm pretty sure that

Saigon is old

Blackout over there

I think

Yeah

He's dating

The lake boy

He's doing something

With a guy

Do I have email

He's starting his own inflatable raft company.

Whatever, man.

Again, the toll-free line is open.

The toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

Again, toll-free here.

888-278-8509.

What a bet big pussy won't call in.

Probably not.

What can you do?

I'll bet $100.

It goes up to that nickname.

Probably not.

Do we have the number for the Dunkin' Donuts?

I don't think I have it ready.

I've got to try to find it.

Shit.

Great.

No, the problem is that Lonesome Loser's in under Grimlock tonight.

He's got a different chat name, so it makes it a little harder for me to get it.

Don't get next.

Well, while I get that, I'll give you a story here from this guy on AOL who's talking to me.

He says, the other night, this couple tried to pick up his wife in a bar when he wasn't there.

She was a bit tipsy and doesn't remember the whole incident.

We could call her and pretend to be the guy.

He and his girlfriend wanted her to come home with them so she could watch him nail her.

Wow, man.

That's something.

That's pretty insane.

I think you should get that guy a call and meet him somewhere and kick his ass.

That's what I say.

That's what you're watching.

Yeah, give us a number, man.

Sure thing.

We'll prank him.

Give us a name and a phone number and, like, what city this is in.

And we'll do that shit.

No problem.

No problem, kid.

Send it right along, baby.

No problem, dude.

In the meantime, I'm going to find the friggin' chat logs here so I can get the number for

the guy that we meet every week.

In the meantime.

Okay.

Okay, that's you, Gush.

Gush, why don't you say hello to Sweet Kisses?

Who the hell is that anyway?

Gush, my name's Gush.

Okay, no, seriously, who's a...

Okay, we lost.

That was Gush, man.

He jumped in on the microphone there.

I was getting a drink, and I come back, and he had to snatch the microphone away.

Okay, that's kind of crazy and gay.

Again, the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

He likes MD pens.

I know this number is under Crazy Arab. That's how I always find them. There we go. Our favorite Crazy Arab.

Don't talk about my deep ends, dammit.

You say it.

My gosh. Sorry about that.

Okay. Enough, milkman. That's enough. Behave yourself, sir.

And the next prank call of the night is coming. We're going to call the Dunkin' Donuts, as always.

Right back after this.

Dunkin' Donuts, may I help you?

Hey, is Sam there?

Who?

Sam.

Sam?

Yeah.

Yeah, hold on.

Thanks.

Hello.

Hey, so, Sam?

Hello.

Hey, how many men been with your mother were born?

I'm sorry?

How many men with your mother before you were born?

Okay, how many men with your mother, you know?

That's what I said, stupid.

Go ask her.

Who?

Your mother.

My mother?

How many men with...

My mother is not my mother.

I don't have mother.

My mother is your mom.

I was just talking to her right now.

Go ask your mother.

My father had sex with your mother and you came out.

No, no, no.

Your father...

Do you know your father?

You don't have to follow because someone in gas station fucked your mother.

You're my brother.

I know.

You're my brother because my father raped your mother.

No, because my father fucked your mom.

My father fucked your mom first.

Okay.

Just tell me, why don't you come here?

Show me your face.

I came there.

I know, because you're chicken.

You didn't do anything when I came in there.

Because you're fucking chicken.

I came in here with...

If you are mad, come here and show me your face.

Will you kiss me?

Face to face, motherfucker.

Will you kiss me?

Face to face.

Kiss me with those big lips of yours.

Motherfucker, let me tell you something, okay?

If I'm going to see you, I'm going to fuck you.

Oh, baby.

I'm going to fuck you up.

How?

How are you going to do it?

With what?

I'm going to...

You like it.

With your hands?

With your balls, with your ass, wherever you want.

I like it in my balls.

Put it in your mouth.

You know what I'm going to do to you?

Put it in your mouth.

Hey, I'm going to...

Did you like it like that?

I like it...

I was in jail and I got it like that.

Oh, fuck you.

Yeah.

Fuck you.

Are you scared of me?

Fuck you.

You know what?

You know what I did?

I don't give a shit about nobody.

You came down here...

If you're going to injure, I'm going to kick your ass.

You remember when you got pizza?

I'm going to kick you.

You remember when you got pizza the other day?

I'm going to kick your ass.

Do you remember when you got pizza?

Hey, sir.

Sir.

Okay, motherfucker.

Olmec.

Okay, motherfucker.

Olmec, Olmec.

Okay, show me your face, motherfucker.

Your mother.

Okay, come here.

Come over here.

Couscous, Olmec.

Couscous, Olmec?

Oh, you know that because your sister...

You know

I was in Iraq

Fuck you

Fuck Iraq with you

I went to Iraq

And I had sex

I had sex with your mom

I had

I know you know

They have like

Big dick there

Arab women

Did you like it

You know what

Your mother

She moans like a whore

I don't

Motherfucker

Don't worry about my mom

Your mother

Moans like a whore

You know

I love it

You know

You are a donkey Mr. Bush

You're a donkey.

Okay, thank you.

You're a donkey, bitch.

You're my brother.

My big brother.

I'm donkey,

but you're my big brother.

Hey, listen.

Oh, my God.

You're so stupid, man.

I feel so bad for you

because I think you're confused.

You have something in your mind.

I'm a lawyer.

You know?

No fucking...

I'm a lawyer.

Okay, come here.

I'm going to come here.

I have a...

I'm coming in with a suit.

Oh, come here.

And a briefcase.

Okay, come here.

What time do you come in in the morning?

Don't worry in the morning. Come here.

No, I can't come now.

Come here anytime. The door's open. I'm waiting for you.

I have to wash my hair tonight.

Okay, go wash it and come play with my dick.

No, I don't touch devil people's dick.

Oh, okay.

You know, because you're Muslim.

Okay, that's good. That's good.

Seriously, do you know when you ate pizza the other day?

That's good. That's good.

I put sausage in your pizza.

Do you have dairy or what?

I'm going to put sausage.

Do you have dairy or what?

It's what?

It's Gary.

It's Gary?

No, Derry, Derry.

Gary?

Yeah.

Garcia?

No, your hands.

My hands?

No, your hands are dirty.

Okay, you go clean it and come play with my dick.

You know what I did to the Quran?

What?

It makes good toilet paper.

Where?

In my bathroom.

Oh.

The Quran in my bathroom.

Good, good, good, good.

Yeah.

Good.

All right, baby.

Okay.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

That's a weird turn.

Oh, my gosh.

He was in rare form.

That's a keeper.

That's gone on the CD

That's gotta go on the CD

Oh my god

Oh yeah

That's a keeper

You heard it right here

He wants to fuck me

Only in the madhouse

Yeah

Only in the madhouse

He said he loved you too

Yeah he did

What the hell

Look you son of a bitch

Motherfucker

I love you too

He's not that angry with me anymore

I don't think

He's you know

He's kind of

Nah

He's losing steam

I think he's starting to enjoy it

I think so

Maybe he knows

What's going on

He's like one of them kids

That get spanked a lot

Kind of like big pussy

Yeah but I'll never tell him who we are

I'd be too scared to

Hell no

You want a jihad

Come fly a plane into Orlando

Something

He can't leave that place for more than a day

It's impossible he'd never make it over here

He's like a fool

Does he have a visa through Homeland Security

I don't know

I was going to tell him that I made him eat pork

When he didn't know about it

But it wasn't going anywhere

So yeah that was good

The toll-free line to call in is...

My turban is dirty.

Do you have that call anywhere?

Um, maybe.

I haven't heard that in ages, man.

Maybe you could play it on the break.

Maybe.

Not on the break, but I could definitely...

Oh, yeah, I would have to play on the break.

I didn't set up a break.

Holy shit.

I just realized that.

Here you go.

You remember that?

My turban is dirty.

That is Howard Stern call, isn't it?

Yeah, I got it right here.

Hang on.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, hi.

How are you?

What do you need?

My brother's going to come down today.

He's going to make a big, big order, okay?

What did he want?

Just take down his name because it's a very, very big order.

Do you have a pen handy?

Go ahead.

His name is Miter.

What is it, Miter?

It's spelled M-I-T-U-R, and his last name is B-I-N-E-S-D-E-R-T-Y.

My turban is dirty?

Your turban is dirty?

F*** you, you mother f***er.

Can I help you?

Uh, hello?

Yes, yes, what can I get for you?

Yeah, is your chicken fresh?

It's fresh. How many pieces do you need?

Is your buffalo wing sauce spicy?

Yes, it's spicy. What do you want?

Yeah, is your turban dirty?

Your mother is dirty, you piece of s***.

How can I help you?

Mike there?

Cool.

Mike, turban is dirty?

All right, that is a classic.

That's from the Howard Stern show.

I don't know if Howard Stern

That's a classic

I don't know who to credit

That was not us

I heard it on the Howard Stern show

I got it from the Howard Stern show

I don't know if they did it

Or maybe they played it from someone else

That's all I know about that

If anybody knows who made that

Let me know so I can give them proper credit

But that's the My Turbine is Dirty Calls

Sal the Stockbroker

Zolar confirmed

Sal the Stockbroker

Hey man

Artie Lang

I don't know if

Clone you don't listen to Howard Stern at all

Milkman doesn't either

Yeah I know Artie

Artie Lang's

gonna have a funny ass movie

yeah well he just admitted today

that he's been a heroin addict

he was a heroin addict

he was in heroin from February until

July I think it was of this year

something like that

he admitted that today and he started

crying on the air and everything it was really really

something something insane

wow that's a smart

guy he is a funny guy

I hate to see him go he does that just in time

to get the attention for his movie.

Exactly.

That's what a lot of people are saying.

A lot of people are saying.

That's like Justin Timberlake.

It's probably not even true.

It's a smart move.

Hey, man, I got a question.

Earth-Earth is bringing up a good point.

I'm talking about making the CD.

Do I need permission from everybody?

I mean, technically,

KDK doesn't get permission from the people

he puts on the CDs, does he?

He releases one a year.

No.

It's not a problem unless they find out, right?

I mean, as long as they keep it small time,

or how does it work?

I don't understand it, really.

Fairly though, it's easy to do, man.

I can show you what to do, man, that way even if they hear it, they won't be able to prove it's them.

Okay, what I'm going to do is this weekend, probably tomorrow, I'm going to edit all the calls to exactly the same length

and then I'll send them on to you and you do a final polishing of the quality, you know what I mean?

Yeah, you know what I do.

I can do that.

I might get with a Sean or Chuck or something.

You have a dude.

Huh?

Have you made a decision on all the final calls that are going to go on the CD?

Yeah, yeah, I got it.

Down to the time, I got it already.

Yep, and so I've got to make them quicker.

I'm going to take out pauses and stuff.

I'm going to make it flow all really fast so there's no long pauses, no stuttering or anything like that.

Yeah, you just want to bam, bam, bam, bam like a machine gun.

Awesome.

We're going to do that soon, everybody.

Give me two to three weeks.

We're going to start selling the Madhouse Radio CD, untitled as of yet.

And if you have any idea for what to title the stupid CD, let me know.

So, Tuck wants to call in.

I feel like party room with the Madhouse.

Yeah, a lot of people in the chat room tonight.

And again, the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509 if you want to call in.

1-888-278-8509.

Call in if you'd like.

We're going to go ahead and do another prank call here.

We're going to call Yoga Centered in Hilo, Hawaii.

Yoga Centered.

I'm going to have to find a song player.

We're right back.

Yoga Centered.

Hey, Yoga Centered, correct?

Yes.

I need to put my father on the line.

He's looking for someone.

Do you have any restrictions on age or anything like that?

No, not at all.

Okay, he's a little older.

He's back, you know, he came from back in Vietnam, and he's been a little hurt,

and the doctor recommended yoga for him.

Uh-huh.

Okay, good idea.

Can I put you on with someone who's very knowledgeable?

Super.

Okay, thank you.

Hold on a second.

Okay, baby.

Sorry, just a minute.

Hello?

Hey, how are you doing?

Hi, good, thank you.

Hey, my name is Mr. Masterson.

Uh-huh.

I'm terminally diabetic, and I have problems with neuropathy,

and I've been getting physical therapy and I talked to the physician today

and he put me on a new treatment.

He said I should get yoga and acupuncture and he recommended your place.

Can you tell me who that physical therapist was?

My physical therapist, his name is Bruce,

but my physician, my doctor is the person who said for me to come

and he said his patients have been coming there.

Oh, okay. Can you just tell me the name of your doctor real quick?

Dr. Ruben Garcia, he's a Filipino doctor.

Red Garcia.

Ruben, Ruben, R-U-B-E-N, Garcia.

Okay, okay.

You know, it's really hard to give you any advice on what you would be up,

which type of cancer would be best for you and if it would be appropriate

without meeting you and sort of getting an idea of your physical condition.

So you could plan to come to a class, maybe sometime when we could have a chance to talk

prior to, if that works for you.

Oh,

question, I weigh about 482 pounds.

Oh, uh-huh.

Like I said, I'm terminally diabetic.

I got shot by a Vietnamese sniper.

She was 13 years old, and she hit me right in the pancreas.

Uh-huh.

Now, you should have seen me before the war.

I was a picture of health, and ever since then, I've been gaining weight and gaining weight.

So he recommended that I come in for yoga, but is that possible for a man of my size?

Hold on.

You know, it's probably not likely for you to come to a regular class,

but if you have the means to schedule a private a few times,

I want to be like everyone else.

a lot of people who can't work into a class do come to privates first,

and it gives us a chance for them to explore all the modifications that work for them to be able to come to a class.

I just want to come in and look at the people like someone is like one of them.

You're welcome to try, but I'm just saying that you would probably get more out of it.

I haven't seen my knees in 12 years.

Yeah.

It's that bad.

I can't even imagine.

I mean, the only way I know I have knees there is when my dad comes up to me and licks my knees.

Yeah.

He found a chicken wing up in there the other day, too.

I've told you what I can, and you can think about those things, and I'll call back if

you decide that you do want to schedule some private sessions and just get you...

I just want to look at the ladies.

Okay, well...

I just want to see ladies before I die.

Okay, well, there's lots of them all over town, but I do have to get going right now,

okay?

Do you wear, like, tight clothes?

Okay, I'm hanging up now.

Can I smell the mat when you stand up?

It's nasty.

Nasty, nasty, nasty.

That hurts after a while to do that.

Yeah.

Oh, wow, that was good, Carlito.

It was interesting.

Great job.

Jack, my assistant rocks, man.

Yeah, man, yeah.

You sucked it in good, too, man.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, Clone Homegrown is heading out of here.

Clone, do you want to say goodbye to anybody?

Oh, okay.

Good night, all the chatters and Carlito, Milkman, keep it real.

Yeah.

Maybe I'll call.

I don't know.

All right.

Well, if you can, man.

If not, you've got to be at work.

You've got to take care of work.

Smoke weed every day.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, man.

Well, hey, man.

Peace out.

Enjoy.

The only employed gentleman.

Peace out, Stone Clone Home.

Yeah, buy a Stone Home clone cock.

Love you, guys.

All right.

Yeah, yeah.

Check on them, dude.

That's the only employed member of the show.

Something has got to give, man.

We both have to get jobs.

That guy is a chump, man.

We're living the dream.

He's in there at.

All right, what did you send me here?

Look in your G-Talk, man.

Look who's back.

Del Taco?

Del Taco.

Look who's in it.

The warrior.

The warrior's back.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

House Radio, go ahead.

Hello.

Call to hear an echo.

Hang up.

I think that's enough, and I forgot to turn it off again.

Oh, really?

Okay, well, whatever, man.

That's cool.

Yeah.

Whatever floats your boat.

We'll turn you off, and then that'll be it.

We'll just block you off the toll-free line.

No worries there.

Yeah, that way I don't have to worry about that.

Yeah, you get in one or two times.

At least in our dime.

Whatever.

Okay, so Del Taco, Del Taco.

Ask for Antonetta.

She's Mexican.

Everyone there is Mexican.

Yada, yada, yada.

Got it, okay, got it.

That was from The Warrior.

The Warrior, I sent that in, okay.

And we also have...

Remember The Warrior?

No, I can't say I do.

He sent us in some good numbers before.

I think he sent in one about The Preacher.

Preacher, The Preacher, The Preacher, I think, trying to think.

I don't know.

Long time ago.

He ain't been around in a long time.

Anyway, he does send in good numbers.

Okay, it might have been a long time ago.

You know, for me, I don't remember anything past the last month.

So, it's like Andy Who.

Yeah.

Like I said before, the toll-free line is 888-278-8509.

We're going to do a call here.

Let me get the premise of this again.

They're saying here that a couple tried to pick up this homeboy's wife in a bar.

He wasn't there.

She was a bit tipsy.

Doesn't remember the whole incident.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Okay, so we got the number of the guy who tried to pick up, I guess, a couple that tried to pick up his wife.

No.

Is this Warrior's number?

Okay.

No, no, this is someone else.

This is someone else.

Oh.

All right, hang on.

We got another call.

Let's see if this works.

You're on the air.

Go ahead.

Hey, Reckon.

Nothing.

Who am I speaking with?

This is Sinful D.

Sinful D.

What's up, man?

How you doing?

What's up, Carlito?

Not much, man.

Not much.

You never called in before, I think.

Never.

This is my first time.

Oh, awesome.

Awesome.

You're going to chat with me.

I'm on my cherry.

Good.

Well, hey, congratulations, man.

How long have you been listening to us out of curiosity?

Oh, forever, man.

I think you've been around, you come in in some kind of, you know, some kind of form once in a while.

I haven't seen you for a long time.

You're one of those guys that kind of hangs out, doesn't really get involved, but I can tell likes the show, so.

Exactly.

I'm a lurker.

Awesome.

I was actually just too bashful to call him.

That's fine.

There's nothing wrong with being bashful.

No reason to be nervous, man.

But, you know, feel free to call him whenever you want.

Don't be a stranger.

Any ideas on how we can title a CD for this, a prank calls for this show for the last year?

Well, what's the best you got?

Nothing.

I haven't worked on it.

I was trying to get you people to work on it for me.

No, I haven't thought about it yet.

I've got to do that tonight.

I've got to meditate first.

Put a lot of cool words into a hat, I guess.

That's what I'm thinking.

Maybe put some phrases, or maybe just the words, right?

And get something random out.

Yeah, and piece it together like a Frankenstein monster.

How many words do you think?

Three or four?

I think four.

Four is a nice, manly number.

Yeah, I want to go past four.

Yeah, I feel that, man.

I'm with you on that.

That's awesome.

Awesome, dude.

You want to say hi to anybody out there listening?

You got a girlfriend listening?

I'm sure you don't, but I'm just...

Yeah, and you're very right.

I'd like to say hi to that guy that I see behind the Taco Bell.

Awesome.

Awesome, dude.

Hope you're listening, but, you know...

You never know.

You never know, man.

We're all over the world.

We got listeners all over the place.

Definitely.

All right, man.

Well, thanks for calling and checking in, man.

Don't be a stranger.

You definitely got to call.

All right.

God bless you.

All right.

Homeboy, Way of Power, God bless you.

Bye, sir.

Number now, man.

That's a Taco Bell number.

A Taco...

So, okay, after that we'll call the couple call.

But I still don't get the premise of it.

I'm still too high.

Right, right.

I'm too high to figure it out.

Yeah, well, the Taco Bell one's pretty easy.

And then that'll ease you into it.

And then all of a sudden, bam, you'll have something.

I gotcha, I gotcha.

Yeah, we got a call coming in.

Another call, everybody.

Yay.

We're so popular today.

Matt, how are you on the air?

Hey, Alex, it's a guy about my wife went out with a couple friends last night.

Okay, so your wife went out with some friends, right?

All right, yeah, so she went out after work to do a hole-in-the-wall bar,

and this couple approaches them, dude first, and like says,

hey, you know, my girlfriend's always had this fantasy,

and, you know, she'd like to see me with another woman.

And the girl pops up out of nowhere and is like, hey, that'd be so cool, whatever.

Well, I got this from one of the guys that went with her,

and then I talked to her about it, and she almost didn't remember the story.

Really?

So, yeah, so here's what I figured, if you call her pretending to be the guy, and, hey, yeah, you gave me your phone number, and I wanted to set that up, and watch her freak the hell out.

Does she remember the guy at all, what he looked like, before, do you know if it was like a black guy or something?

No, I'm pretty sure it was a white guy, but, you know, the name of the bar was Flanagan's.

Flanagan's, okay.

She was in Flanagan's and, you know, she was tipsy enough that I don't think she would remember if she gave her phone number or not.

And I honestly don't think she did.

But she probably wouldn't be able to remember the detail that she did.

Okay, you got it. I'm going to do that right now, actually.

Alright, cool. I'll see you soon.

Alright, man. Thanks, man. Peace out. It was good talking to you.

Yep.

Alright, man.

That's something.

That's the first time someone's called me by my old nickname from high school from football.

ball. He called me House. That's my old nickname back then. I totally forgot about that. I

got half of the name for Madhouse with that house. That's where I got it from. Yes, sir.

Okay. Yes, sir. Very good. I was wondering about that. Decoy says the CD title should

be Madhouse Paying the Toll, and Andy says it should be Eating the Toll House. Well,

that's something. Thank you, Andy. Andy who? You're on the air. Go ahead. Dropping Dimes

hello hello and the three and two and one right along we're gonna i don't know someone who didn't

answer okay so we're gonna call this guy's wife he wants us to call his wife to prank i'm like i

i can't believe it it's awesome and he says the title should include a fat reference also

what's your fat that's been up to that's kind of good actually i used that a lot man it's an old

Oh man

Voicemail

What is this

Oh no her last name went out

Oh no

Perhaps we'll try it back

Perhaps we'll try her after the break later

You never know we'll try her later

Yeah man

That's right

Andy's asking who is the guy who claims to know me

I don't know Milkman knows me

Milkman we know each other pretty well right

That's right

I don't know, maybe you're talking to Jay

Black, Black, Blackbox

Blackbox, that's Jay

Maybe that's who you're talking about, Jay from high school

You know who he is, man

Madhouse Radio, you're on the air

I give you

A big

Big

Happy meet

Happy meet it is, happiness to you and your happy meet

How you doing, Tuck?

We gotta design a CD

We've got to design a CD cover, man.

Yeah, okay.

We've got to do something.

Get with me.

I don't know if you have any.

Just give me ideas.

I don't want to make you do the work.

You know what I mean?

Maybe I can do it.

Give me a title or give me a series of titles and we can work with it.

Yeah, we've got to work on the title first, I think.

Revolutionary things.

What's your bad-ass been up to?

Just kind of thinking that sort of way like we did with the flyer and the website stuff.

With the theme in mind.

Right.

I think we can come up with something.

I'm sure we could.

Milkman says, what's your fad that's been up to?

I don't know.

Maybe that's going to be it.

I kind of like that, actually.

I'll be honest with you.

I kind of like what's your fad that's been up to.

Tuck, I had a vision the other night about doing a Happy Me call at McDonald's.

Okay.

I don't know why, but I thought that might be a good thing.

I've got a McDonald's inside a Walmart in California.

Okay.

And the Mexican girl answered there.

We can try that.

Am I putting you on the spot?

Did you want to try that?

Sure.

No, no, no.

That'd be cool.

Oh, you want to, like, do, like, the good old way with the trench litter and...

Hey, exactly.

We're going to try something for sure.

We're going to do some kind of ruckus here, but hang on.

I'll open up, and I'll put you right on, and we'll order happy meat from the McDonald's.

I need a McDonald's song.

Milkman, any ideas?

Man, oh, boy, you got me on that one.

Do we have Rockin' McDonald's?

Yeah, there you go.

Perfect.

I don't know if I have it, though, man.

That's a good song, man.

That's the old West...

Oh, we do.

That's like a cheater's dick.

No, but we got Rockin' Roll McDonald's.

Here we go.

This goes out to Dr. Lego.

We'll be right back after this.

Hello, sir?

Is this McDonald's?

Yes, we're looking for the McDonald's, please.

Is this McDonald's?

Yeah, okay.

We have a gentleman here who wants to know if he can come in.

He has a few questions.

I'm his translator, sir.

We're here at the base.

I can hear you, sir.

I can hear you from very far.

What do you mean you can hear me from very far?

Put the phone up to your ear.

I'm sorry?

Can you put the phone in your ear?

Sir, how are you holding the phone?

Oh, Jesus God, sir.

Come on.

I got a show to do.

Come on.

Talk.

I'm going to go down there.

Yeah, that.

Bastard.

Hello, sir.

Uh, hello?

Oh, he hangs up.

Moron.

Who's not a McDonald's?

What a punk.

Who's not a McDonald's?

Speak English.

Oh, Jesus.

What kind of country did you get?

Call Taco Bell instead.

You call McDonald's and they don't speak English.

Hang on.

Let me clear the line.

You didn't call the Taco Bell number then.

Something.

Since we're doing restaurants.

I got the munchies.

We'll call it.

Okay, Milkman has the munchies.

We're going to call the Taco Bell.

Where'd that go?

You sent that to me, right?

Okay.

Yeah, it's in G-Talk.

Taco Bell might be better.

Yeah, they're going to just think, Happy Mule?

No, yeah, it's stupid.

That's right.

Okay, so we'll do the Del Taco, Del Taco.

Okay.

Yeah, baby.

Here it comes out, everybody.

Hang on.

Hello, ma'am?

McDonald's?

What is it?

McDonald's, please.

Hello?

Yes, I'm looking for the McDonald's, please.

Daddy, I speak Spanish.

What kind of McDonald's is this?

I'm sorry.

What kind of McDonald's is this?

I can't understand.

I'm sorry.

Is this McDonald's or not?

No.

Who is this?

What's your ID number?

ID number?

Yes, please.

1-0-0-0-1.

1-0-0-0-1?

Yes.

Oh, hang on.

No, that's wrong.

Okay, so...

Okay?

God.

What, did I fucking miss dial or something?

What the hell's going on?

I called...

Oh, wait a minute.

I called the taco place.

That was Yvonne.

That wasn't McDonald's.

That was the taco place.

Call back and ask for Yvonne.

Hang on.

Call back in a different voice.

Call back in a different voice and ask for Yvonne.

Okay.

Why didn't I send it to him?

Yeah, do Eddie.

Do Eddie.

Eddie?

Great.

Okay.

Hang on, Tuck.

Taco Bell.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

We're back on the other network.

Hey, the other people.

Yeah.

Hey.

It's the Madhouse Radio, eh?

Madhouse Radio thing, yeah.

Point five.

The quote on quote five.

The quote on quote show.

Yeah.

That doesn't work tonight.

night we lost the stream i'm sorry everybody i lost a thousand listeners seriously guys i lost

a thousand listeners i need to re-kick the stream here hang on everybody we're restarting the show

don't panic we just had a bit of uh technical difficulties just like that and let me uh yeah

call them call that bitch back man we gotta do something let me play something a number for adt

alarms also adt alarms well that's crazy yeah that's fucking sick man hang on i gotta try to

kick the pcu stream it's not coming back up for me to kick let me try to do that now okay we're

back on i think we're back on i think we're back on all right everybody we're back sorry

some technical difficulties there we have radio 0.5 everybody yes we're back to the show that's

what it is we lost the stream for a while um and who are we calling now well we're gonna call back

yvonne at del taco okay we'll try on adp alarms yeah tuck you go ahead and try to take this one

because so far I'm 0 for 0 with her, 0 for 2.

Do your best, because I sure as hell can't do anything right tonight.

And let me get the number here for you.

Tell him her name is Yvonne.

Okay.

Yeah, her name is Yvonne, by the way, Tucker, right?

It's Del Taco is the name of the place.

Yeah, at the taco place.

All right, we'll try it one more time.

Hang on.

Del Taco.

Hello, it's Rita.

Hello.

Yeah?

My English is bad, but I do order a big stick at me.

Stick what, sorry?

I'm sorry, my English is terrible.

Uh, but, uh, uh, uh, I, uh, uh, me, uh, eat, uh, eat, uh, long, uh, happy meal.

A happy meal?

Happy meal.

No, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, happy meal.

Happy meal?

Eat, uh, long, uh, uh, uh, uh, hard, uh, go up and down, in and out, in and out, uh, I don't know how to say, uh, happy meal.

That's a steak meat.

Okay, you ordered a taco, right?

Uh, it's a steak.

What kind do you order?

A burrito, you order a taco, a hamburger, what do you order?

A happy meat.

A happy meal?

Uh, no.

A thick, a long, a huge, a huge happy meat.

That was a burrito.

Uh, burrito, no, burrito, but no, this, this, uh, uh, thing, uh, what's the thing?

And on top, in Bully Bully Bully Happy Meats.

It was a problem.

I translate.

Okay, si, mi nombre es Luis Hotel 77.

Okay.

El quiere la verga.

Long, uh, long, uh, long, uh, long, uh, happy meat.

Do you have, uh, the verga burger?

No.

No verga?

Ask for Mr. Verga, please.

Please ask for Mr. Verga.

What?

Mr. Verga.

He makes happy meat.

He has the happy meat.

Yeah, happy meat.

Yeah, Mr. Verga.

No, he's in a restaurant eating.

No, there's nobody in here.

He's cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.

He's cleaning.

Who's cleaning?

Verga.

Nobody here.

Ask.

Just say Mr. Verga, please.

Hold on.

It means, um, everybody's information.

Verga means cock.

She said that.

Yes, hi, I'm the interpreter.

I have a gentleman who said he's looking for somebody who's working there.

I believe it's a family member.

I think, uh, he's saying he's looking for Mr. Verga.

Verga.

V-E-R-G-A.

He wants to know if he could please ask for Mr. Verga.

If you could please ask for Mr. Verga, why can't you just do that, woman?

Oh, man.

Senora, I'm a follow-up.

What follow-up?

Are you looking for...

Big, long...

He wants some kind of fucking me or something.

I don't know.

I understand.

I'm sorry.

Well, as for Mr. Virga, where's Mr. Virga?

In the background, the other girl.

Yeah, she was laughing her ass off back there.

That's when she knew what was going on.

Hang on, let me try to clear the secure line.

All right, Tuck.

Well, it's been great, man.

It's been great.

Thank you very much for calling in, as always.

I'd like to have an official return on Friday, but this is...

Oh, yes, that's right.

The land of the living, the black line of the universe.

You're still on dial-up, but you're getting there, dude.

It don't matter.

Yeah, all right.

Dial-up, dial-up, dial-up.

Yeah, we're frying bacon.

Take care now.

I'll see you back on air in a second.

Okay, everybody.

Revolution, yeah, yeah, brother.

Tuck, everybody.

Revolutuck.com.

Tuck is the official revolution guy of PC Radio.

Who's calling?

He's the official graphic illustrator artist of the madhouse.

I think so.

So, hang on.

We got a jumpy, the stream's going to be jumping now.

I'm trying to restart Winamp here without kicking the stream over.

So, bear with me.

Oh, we, no, we didn't lose it.

Hang on.

There it is.

We got a caller anyway.

Hang on.

What's up?

It's the Warrior.

The Warrior.

What's up, man?

Oh, not much.

Good.

Milkman is very excited to hear from you.

What'd you say?

I said Milkman is very excited to hear from you.

Oh, yeah.

Hasn't been on for a while.

Yeah, he's a big fan of yours, apparently.

Oh, he loves the Preacher.

Preacher, indeed.

That was a good one.

It was.

What's your affiliation with the taco people?

You work there, or is that your old lady who answered the phone?

I work there.

You work there?

The white guy that works there?

They sound a little old.

20, the other one.

Something, dude.

So what do you do there?

Do you make food?

Do you take orders?

Cashier.

Cashier?

Do tacos better than Taco Bell?

What's your opinion?

I'm better than Taco Bell.

I wish we had taco meat here, man.

We'd have to get a nice taco.

I gotta stop eating.

I'm eating way too much, right, Athena?

Yeah, she agrees.

Are you tired of tacos at this point?

Would you not eat a taco in a long time?

I'm sick of tacos.

Yeah?

A friend, he used to work at KFC, and he said by the time, you know, by a weekend to work in there,

he couldn't even stand smelling fried chicken.

He didn't want to hear about chicken, didn't want anything to do with it.

It was so bad.

I don't blame him, man.

Imagine frying chicken all day.

And what does that make them?

That's never fun.

That's some shit, yeah.

Dude.

Oh, Warrior, man.

Thanks for sending that in.

That was a pretty good call.

Welcome.

We finally got it to work.

Take care.

You're welcome.

We need to go back to the archives and look at that preacher call that we did.

Dude, remind me, like, what exactly was the preacher call?

I'm trying to remember.

Like, I have an idea.

We called a preacher, and you called him up and was talking about sin and stuff in the

middle of the night, and he'd, like, give a big, long lecture to you.

Yeah, that the guy I had a prayer with, right?

Yeah, that wasn't that long ago.

Yeah, I think that was him.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

God.

Hey, he's going to send me the number.

His name was Dick.

Wasn't it Dick?

Wasn't it Dick Small or something like that?

Yeah, okay.

Okay, send it.

I'm going to tell him to send the info.

Send the info.

Yeah.

Yeah, dude, that was like, I think it was like Pastor Dick Small or something like that.

Something weird.

Something like that, man.

Yeah, we called all of them.

Yeah, we started cracking up with the fact that his name was like a connotation,

a sexual kind of connotation kind of thing.

He looked it up.

I think he looked up the guy in the newsletter, the pastor's newsletter.

Okay, that's where I got it from.

Okay, fair enough, man.

Fair enough.

I'm trying to find music to play here.

I'm thinking we need to take a break.

We always take a break around this time.

and I did not have

I'm going to send this to you now

do that, do that, let me try to find this over here

I need to get my bearings in

he was going to

tell you a request wasn't he

that's it right there

Jen from church

you might get that next year, I'm trying to find something to play

on the break here in a second

Milkman why don't you give up the information for the chat

real quick for everybody please

Okay.

Hey, everybody.

If you'd like to join our chat, you can do it at the irc-lazy.net.de.

irc.lazy-net.de.

And then just push the old pound BCU, and you can come and join our chat.

That's right.

Also, if you go into the website, madhouselive.com, slash join.

Okay, slash join.

Yeah, it is slash join.

Man, I'm still not ready with this.

Look for the PCU chat icon, and then you can join our chat.

That's right.

One more thing over here.

If you're a real loser and you'd like to spend our time, you can call us on our toll-free line.

What's that?

Call that number.

It's 888-278-8509.

Very well done.

Well, with that, we're going to take a quick break and get reorganized here.

That is a confirmed number for Jen also.

Yeah, we'll call that next.

No problem.

We also have numbers here from Lonesome Loser, including the Excalibur limousine that we called way back in the day.

Oh, God, we haven't called them in ages.

I always ask for that one.

That's right.

So look out for that.

So more prank calls coming after this break, so please stay tuned.

You're listening to Madhouse Radio.

We'll be right back after this.

Hi, sweet kisses.

Look, Madhouse is true.

I am.

You're going to like it.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouserive.com.

Hey, we're back, everybody.

Thanks for staying in there.

I got to do it a lot better.

Yeah, you everybody.

Madhouse Radio, Friday the 27th.

I'll take you some updated information.

You know what's up?

This is the call.

This call we did was the one that AMD called the girl up

and was wanting to marry her.

Ah, yeah, we had a marriage over the phone.

She was with the church girl when he started talking to her.

Yeah, this is the same girl.

So, if I recall, she was pretty gullible.

Gotcha.

Good idea.

Let me check this out here.

I'm trying to find that log for me.

Remember, you was a Saturn creature, and you performed the wedding.

Her name was Jen?

Yeah.

Okay.

You performed the wedding.

You was a Saturn creature.

Okay.

Man, we need AMD to divorce him.

That's what we got to do.

Where's AMD at?

I know, that punk.

Where the hell is he at?

Yeah, he told me he wanted to go on, go on, and then all of a sudden he disappeared.

You want to try to call Noonoo's gone by now, isn't he?

Yeah, Noonoo's gone.

Shit.

He sent me a number to call some guy in Britain I didn't call, and I feel bad.

We call ourselves all the time.

We called ourselves for the last two weeks, and they were bum numbers.

Too bad.

Too bad, sucker.

Too bad, sucker bitch.

I'm sorry.

No, no, no seriousness there.

We're going to call next time.

We have an idea for the CD cover, a parody of the Chronic cover,

cover with the afro wig picture of me dead center and the title as the telephonic i kind of like

that instead of the chronic we call it the telephonic and you have a you got the weed thing

that's a weed angle though it's kind of dangerous you know make me all want to try and make it more

of a comic scene and how about just like the deltox i don't know about that i don't know what

to tell you about that's sick i'm on my third heineken like lift your fat ass man up dude i

I think that's great.

Yeah.

Zolar told me to break my fat neck, you speak faster.

I think that's a good title for a CD.

Break your fat neck, you speak faster.

It's kind of funny.

Thank you, Zolar.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Appreciate that.

All right, again, we'll get by the toll-free line again.

We'll be doing the show for a little bit longer,

so if you want to call in before the show ends, now is the time to call in.

And the toll-free line before we close the phone lines is 1-888-278-8509.

We're in the second and end part of the show, so time is limited if you want to call in.

Once again, the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

Send in your prank requests now over at madhouselive.com.

Email them to madhouseradio at gmail.com.

Use the prank, request a prank form on madhouselive.com.

Or you can send them to us on AOL Instant Messenger at MadHouseRadio.

Other than that, we're going to move right along.

Let me see what kind of numbers I have swirling here.

I'm wondering where the hell Crazy Bastard is.

Crazy Bastard?

Don't know.

Who?

Yeah.

Crazy fucker.

Yeah, he usually calls.

He usually waits until midnight to call because that's when he gets cheap long distance or something.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Okay.

I don't know.

Seriously, he needs to call in.

Yeah, we haven't heard from him.

I bet you he's doing them Mad Dog or Manischewitz cheap-ass wine coolers again.

Something.

Well, you know what?

I'll tell you what.

I'm not happy about something.

Dr. Lego is using him, audio from him, on his intro, his new intro.

I don't appreciate that.

He's one of my people.

I mean, we brought him to PCU and stuff.

Why you got to steal my thunder for, man?

No, I'm kidding.

Whatever.

You do what you got to do.

He's on our outro.

He's at the very end of the outro.

So check that out, everybody.

It's going to be on in a few minutes if we keep going like this.

Anyway, let's go ahead and try to call one of our older numbers here

that we got from Milkman, who is Jen from a church

who we got married to a British guy on the phone.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but I'll do it for you, Milkman.

Just because I like you.

Okay, Milkman, that number's going nowhere. It's not working.

You know what I mean? Milkman, are you there? Hello, sir.

Milkman isn't here. I didn't know Milkman wasn't here.

Okay. We lost Milkman, everybody.

Sorry about that, folks. Milkman is gone.

Holy shit, what do we do?

Let me try to knock out a few more prank calls

before we end the night. Hopefully Milkman

will make it before

we end the show.

TNT Peril Mini Mart and

Snack Shop in Hawaii also.

Apparently this is some sort of gas station

establishment. Okay, I'm game with that.

I see Misery is in the

team. Speak, Misery, are you there?

Can you speak?

That's great.

Great. How are you doing? How's the band going, man?

Oh, pretty good.

Good deal. Good deal. Any data on the new CD yet?

Yeah, it's ready.

It's ready? It's out now, or is this ready?

Yeah, well, I have the design. I have a few copies done, but we're looking for someone to mass distribute it.

Cool, man. Cool. Congratulations, man. Keep me posted.

Okay. Well, watch your ears, everybody. Here comes the next prank call of the night.

We're going to call the mini-mart.

Hey, how you doing, buddy?

Right.

Good.

Hey, do you have a gas pump there?

What?

You don't have a gas pump.

You don't have a gas pump there, right?

We don't have.

Good.

That's because I don't want to go to a place that has gas.

You know what I read about people that had gas?

Sir?

Hello?

What's going on?

This is a horrible, horrible show tonight.

I don't mean to blaspheme against myself, but this is not a good show.

We're going to try one more prank call.

Milkman's back.

Milkman, welcome back, man.

You don't say Milkman.

Yeah, man.

I'm here.

No, no.

That's the misery and MacGyver's in our room.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, they are.

Now I hear you, man.

We've had two bum prank call attempts here.

We're going to try one more.

We're going to try...

They're going back now, so they're going to get better.

I hope so.

We're going to try the Chinese restaurant right now.

Lung Fung Chinese restaurant, I guess.

We'll try something.

I don't know what to do, but we'll try it.

Hang on, folks.

Here comes another attempted prank call.

Are you there?

Yeah.

This is a bad sign, dude.

What do you say, Milkman?

I'm out of numbers.

We're out of numbers?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we're called up.

Anything that we call now...

No way, man.

Anything that we call now...

Put it in the archives.

I don't know.

Anything we call now has been confirmed like two hours ago at the earliest.

Well, if I left them losing them, you know they're good.

True, but, you know, the places are closed by now.

We waited so long.

Hang on.

Floyd's Fireside Chat, Fly Girls, eh.

Tainted Thoughts, eh.

Wang Chung, eh.

That was old.

Doobies was...

A gay-sounding guy answered a Doobies.

It's probably going to be loud there, more than likely.

Hang on.

Working.

Blah, blah, blah.

Okay, let's try.

Oh, damn it.

I just had an idea.

I just forgot it.

You had one number that had the girls' bathroom in a stripper club.

They never answered for me, though, dude.

I don't know why.

Like I said, I said before here on the air, you know, nobody really likes answering when

I...

Women don't like to get along with me on the phone.

It just doesn't work for me.

I'm going to try one more prank call, dude.

I think I'm going to call it a night.

We're having a lot of bum numbers here.

So, Veridoyles.

All right, you clowns.

Let's get some good numbers.

Come on.

All right, ass brains.

Ass brains out there, try to call in.

We're going to call Excalibur Limousine.

This guy's cool.

Excaliburs?

Ma'am, you know, something's kind of funny here.

I'm here at the airport, and I haven't seen anybody come by with my limousine.

What's your name?

My name is Raul Martinez.

I'm from WNYX in New York, and we are in town to do a shoot.

We were promised a limousine, and by God, not here.

Well, no, we're here.

We're here. We're in LAX right now waiting.

Right.

Hurry up.

Where do I go with this?

Nice watch.

I want to get sexist.

Athena, can I be sexist?

Speak to this driver.

Athena gives me permission to do a sexist call.

Yeah.

Or ask for the driver. He's funny.

Dude, last week I was asking women if they were attracting bears.

So fucking wrong.

I wasn't saying that today.

Oh, man.

Ask for the driver this time.

I'm trying to set up a deal with the driver.

Man, I wish everybody remembered his name, too.

Yeah.

Oh, man, this is taking long.

All right.

I'm giving up, bro.

Holy shit, man.

Call right back.

Yeah.

Because she got you on hold and she forgot about it.

Hey, dude, we got a casino in here from Lonesome Loser, just confirmed.

Let's call that.

Oh, yeah.

Thanks, Lonesome.

In a time of need, we always have Lonesome Loser here to save us.

And for that, we'll play.

God bless the Lonesome Loser, man.

Man, the hardest working man in DCU.

And for that, we'll play Lonesome Loser's favorite song.

Hey, how you doing?

Good.

Casino, right?

Nope, we don't have a casino anymore.

Since when?

A couple weeks ago.

Oh, man, you guys had the loosest slots, though.

What's that?

You had the loosest slots.

The loosest slots?

Yeah, you know what that means, right?

What's that?

They were easy to, you know, get money from.

Oh, we never had slot machines.

Sure you did.

Come on, man.

We go way back.

You know, you sit there, you might grill chicken sandwich on the slot machine.

Do you remember that time that guy came in there and he threw the slot machine through the plate glass window?

Um, no.

That was me.

You threw the slot machine? We don't have a slot machine now.

Well, you did until I threw it through the window.

No.

You don't remember this at all?

How long ago was that?

A few years ago. How long have you been working there?

17 years.

Oh, it was like 18 years ago, maybe.

About 18 years ago, you threw a slot machine through the window?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. The guy said he'd never buy a slot machine again, and I got a restraining order.

Well, that's something.

Well, I mean, is it possible I can come back in, though? Would you still enforce that?

Because you threw a slot machine through the window?

Well, I mean, that was a long time ago. It was like 18 years ago.

Is this a crank call?

No, not at all. I don't believe in them.

Okay, what's your name?

My name is Raul Garcia.

What is it?

They took my picture. They took a poor picture of me and everything, man.

They got it over there in the back.

In the case?

Yeah, it says, don't accept checks from this man.

Oh. Well, I guess it's okay if you come back in if you don't write any checks.

Well, no, but the problem is the whole restraining order thing, you know.

Oh, we have a restraining order against you?

Yeah, but if I come in and I get, you know, you guys decide to call the cops, I get arrested, you know, and I violate probation and everything.

Oh, well, then don't come back in.

Well, I need to. I need to come in and get your succulent burger.

Get what?

Your succulent burger.

Well, sorry, but you're 86.

No, come on. It's all right. I mean, it was 18 years ago. Seriously, come on, do me a favor, honey baby.

Sugar tits, come on. Hey, sugar tits.

Don't get all nasty now.

Oh, is there a man I can talk to if you can't take it?

Huh?

All right.

No.

Let me talk to a man, please.

Nope.

Why not?

Do you know the Third Amendment and the Constitution?

No, but I think I've listened to your bullshit long enough.

Don't say shit to me.

I have you on tape.

That's it.

Watch.

What a cunt.

You awful uppie.

Did you hear that?

I'm trying to tell you she don't have a slot machine.

What a cunt.

Man, even the crappy Indian frickin' casinos I hear in Florida have slot machines in them, man.

That's like the easiest money maker in a casino is a slot machine because you control it.

What the hell else do they have?

Cards?

They don't, you know, yeah, I guess.

I mean, a slot machine, you don't have to hire someone to do it.

They don't have poker or something.

A slot machine, you don't have to worry about someone cheating at it, really.

You don't have to worry about your worker cheating at it or something.

It's a machine.

You plug it in.

You want to make it hard for people to win.

You, you know, change the odds on it.

What's the big fucking deal?

Jeez, man.

And if they legalize it over here in Florida, the first thing I do is put a slot machine in my house.

Try to make some money, you know?

Slot machine is a great thing, man.

Slot machine is a great thing.

We're going to do one last prank call here.

This is going to be Ethel's House of Soul.

And figure what kind of woman answered here.

A black woman, of course.

A black woman answered.

This is in Denver, Colorado.

The House of Soul.

This guy's number for a strip club.

Of Soul.

Really? A strip club?

We also have a Kinkle's in L.A. that we're being sent in.

I don't know.

Maybe we'll do more than one.

But we'll call the House of Soul first, okay?

Wish me luck with this.

We got some good numbers rolling here.

It's not, you know, it's not so brutal, but...

Yeah.

What, are you going to sleep?

Would you be mad if I went to Whataburger?

No?

That's a good burger.

Milkman, you ever been to Whataburger in Texas or anywhere else in your travels?

I'm not going to go to Whataburger.

Never heard of them.

Never heard of them?

Oh, that's a good burger, man.

Good burger.

I like White Castle.

Yeah, we don't have White Castle here.

We got Crystals, though.

Oh, man, that castle's going to make you fart.

Oh, that's good.

Like Domino's Pizza.

The only thing we got down there is Sonic.

Sonic is all right.

Sonic is right next to Whataburger.

But, um...

Oh, okay.

Crystals, though.

Good stuff.

Anyway, on that note,

Evil's House of Soul.

One moment, everybody.

Thank you for calling for X-Cinco.

This is Carlos on my heartbeat.

Carlos, que pasa, man?

What's up?

Hey, this is Eddie Garcia, yo.

What's up?

What happened?

Yo, no, check it out.

I just got back from the Army, right?

Uh-huh.

Yo, I need to get the thinnest kind of paper you got.

The thinnest?

Yeah.

Let me try to see if folks are going to let me know.

All right, all right.

Office and print number can help you create printed materials to market yourself and your service.

What's that about onion skin?

Huh?

Stationary and invitation.

They're asking what you can use for the breath.

Yeah.

And newsletters.

Yeah.

Need to pack or ship a package?

You can ship with FedEx Express and FedEx Grounds from any FedEx Kinko's location.

Purchase boxes and packing materials to pack your shipment.

Or let our pack and ship experts do the packing for you.

Thanks for holding.

What did he say?

Pack and shit experts?

I guess.

FedEx Kinkos, we're here to help.

Need a new sign for your business?

Make FedEx Kinkos office and print center your signs and graphics headquarters.

We offer everything from cool color vinyl banners to graphic store signage.

We got the occult underground restaurant and lounge also.

That's from Lonesome Loser.

I got a work of memorandum that's confirmed.

It's sent in to me.

It's sent to you.

All right, good deal, man.

Maybe I will stay on.

Michael, yo, what's up, yo?

I was holding with Carlos.

I'm sorry, I can't clearly hear you.

Yeah, yo, Carlos told me to hold, yo.

Yeah, you can transfer it to me.

Yeah, well, help me out, yo.

I'm trying to get your thinnest paper.

What kind of paper you got thin, yo?

Okay, hold on.

You need to speak louder because I can barely hear you.

Yo, what kind of thin paper you got, man?

Paper for what?

The thinnest paper you got.

What's the one you can't understand, man?

I'm speaking English, right?

With the thinnest paper?

Yeah.

I got a 20-pound white.

A white?

It's 20-pound white.

20 pounds?

Uh-huh.

For a slice of paper?

For the thinnest paper.

That's the thinnest paper we have.

What do you mean 20 pounds, man?

20 pounds is 20 pounds.

20 pounds.

Yeah.

No, we don't.

Because it does not run through our machine.

You can't slice it long or nothing like that?

No.

What you need to do is go to Kelly's Paper that's on Highland.

Nah, I ain't going there, man.

It's just closed.

Well, that's the only paper, because we're not a paper supply people.

We're trying to roll the biggest cigarette in the world.

Yeah, that's the only place you'll get a finished paper.

Oh, come on, man.

You've got to do something for me, man.

Can you roll cigarettes with that paper and shit?

No.

Why don't you work with me, man?

You've got to work with me.

Well, the problem is if you roll a cigarette and you actually smoke it from a copy of paper,

You actually would die because the chlorine's in there.

How much chlorine is that?

It's like, I believe it's like 50-30% chlorine.

Yo, man, when I was in the army, we let off a chlorine bomb up in Iraq.

Okay, well, nice talking to you.

Yo, I got burned in my nose.

Don't start to wake up every day with chlorine in your nose.

Man, he's gone.

We had to do an ADRC call at one point tonight, so there it is.

Before I forgot.

I forget.

Fucking Carlos, man.

That guy was a punk, though.

And Carlos is an asshole for putting me on hold for so long.

Yeah, no.

Yeah, no, yeah, no, yeah, no.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

Okay, I've got a couple more numbers.

Yeah, I saw you did that.

And Lonesome Losers sending me stuff, too.

What's going on over here, man?

All right, Lonesome Losers back on the prowl.

Adult entertainers.

Here's a good one, man.

What?

Girls, girls, girls.

That's a song.

Brother's Chinese Restaurant

let me try to call real quick

that wife, that woman

I don't have it anymore

I don't think I have it anymore

the woman for the

the woman who was cheating

on her husband, they called it

yeah, but I forgot the number

they called Jen, the church girl

no, the number didn't work, that's when you got booted off

the number didn't work, it kept coming up

as not working or something

oh, I missed it

Yeah, you missed it.

You missed it.

All right, we're going to call Baggies Lickers, all right?

Not Baggies Lickers.

Hang on.

I think we've got a couple of those guys right here in the chat.

Yeah, I think so.

Hang on, let's try to call...

Hello?

Baggies?

Yeah?

Hey, Baggies, what is it going on?

You guys got grits there?

Huh?

You have any grits there?

What'd you say?

Grits.

You have any grits?

Grits?

Grits.

No.

Are you Korean?

Huh?

Are you Korean?

Well, I'll be closer to Torbjörn and Grona.

Okay, bye.

Do you speak English?

Ah, shit.

Fucking Koreans.

I should have known.

Liquor store in California, I'd be a Korean.

Big surprise.

Liquor and sticker.

Big surprise.

The liquor store in the hood is owned by a Korean.

Fucking talk to anybody.

Jesus Christ.

Nigga.

I appreciate any kimchi liquor.

Well, some losers just sent me a number for

Nigger Healthcare Inc. in California.

Okay.

That's funny.

Let's try to call that.

We have a prank request that just came in.

Who's that dark guy when you call?

Hey, man.

Guess who's calling in?

Oh, crazy.

Crazy fucker is finally calling in.

Madhouse Radio, you're on the air.

Hey, how you doing tonight, Carlito?

I'm all right.

We're trying to do something.

Dude, what are you doing tonight, man?

Man, I'm really down.

I haven't been able to listen to your show tonight.

What the fuck?

Computer problems, man?

Yeah, I screwed up my computer a couple days ago, man.

Man, I really am a dumb fucker from California.

Oh, shit, dude.

What, you got a virus, or is this not working?

No, man, it was running great.

It was like, and I tried to make it better.

I tried to tweak it up and get rid of some programs that was running in the background,

and I deleted the wrong one, man, and it crashed my computer, and it won't boot up or nothing.

Well, holy shit, dude.

You got to install Windows again, man.

That's all you got to do.

Yeah, I won't even accept the Windows disk or nothing.

It's like a good friend of mine that knows a lot more about computers than I do.

He's supposed to come by later and maybe he's working on it last night.

But, man, I'm telling you, it's like, hey, you've got to be real careful what you delete out of your computer.

Yeah, man, you know, no matter what, you just want to make sure that you don't mess with the registry.

That's what I did, man.

Man, I thought I was getting rid of an old anti-virus program,

but apparently I took out a key program in my registry,

and I'm telling you, man, my computer was running great.

I was getting instantaneous downloads,

and I'm telling you, I really am a dumb fucker from California, man.

It happens, yeah, but like Milkman is saying, and I agree, man,

I never touch my registry unless I absolutely have to.

Yeah, yeah, really, man.

man. You know the old saying, leave well enough alone, and if it's not broken, don't try to fix

it. I try to get a little bit more CPU power out of it, man. I'm telling you, it was like my friend

died, man. It was like my friend died. It was like I killed my best friend. Yeah, I can imagine it.

That would have happened to me, and I wouldn't be able to do a show. I don't know what I'd do.

Well, I love my computer, man. I think the Internet's the greatest thing going in America

right now in america and the world in the world yeah the whole world yeah man yeah so what do you

have you heard of what happened with uh this guy hugo chavez of talking shit about bush and the

united nations in new york any ideas on that are you even following that do you follow the news at

all well he he's right about that bush is a devil man he is a devil he's uh he's a global terrorist

man that's trying to hijack America and melt it down into the new world order that rules the world

where the global elitists, one half of one percent, control all the economies of the world.

That's right, and it's not fair.

No, it's not.

I think it's the Freemasons, man.

Well, yeah, these guys, they go by the names of Democrats and Republicans,

but they're always elitists, man.

They're always the elitists.

And, man, these guys got enough wealth to last 500 lifetimes.

So now what turns them on is actual the power of ruling whole continents.

That's their fantasy.

It's just like all these science fiction movies and all this stuff that, you know, you've been hearing about for years, man.

And they're doing it right now to America.

They're, like, trying to destroy our Constitution and our Bill of Rights.

And if they can do that, man, then we will have a global fascist police that we live under.

It's not fair, man.

Hopefully, I don't know, something's got to turn around.

Well, you guys are doing your part, man.

You guys are doing your part to, you've got a free-flowing radio show, man.

And I'm telling you, man, it's information that, see, what they want to do is they want to get everybody scared, man,

so that we'll give up, we'll say, oh, yeah, take away our constitutional rights.

Just keep us safe.

Yeah, the whole thing.

And I love the one, if you're not doing anything bad,

then there's no reason for you to care about losing this liberty.

That's a bunch of horse shit, dude.

That is, total, man.

I'm with you 100%, dude.

It's a

fucking cop-out, man.

You know when you say that to somebody.

Hey, a few days ago up here in my part of the country, man, the pigs, they busted a six-ton marijuana farm.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, six tons of marijuana, man.

And I'm telling you, what the pigs do up here is when they see a big garden, they kick back and they let the people grow it.

And then when the buds are getting ready to harvest, they come in and they fucking steal it out from under them.

You know what the bullshit is, man, my friend?

I'll tell you what this is.

Every time that you see a big bust like that

and it gets publicized and everything,

all they're doing is making the price of drugs and of weed go up

because there's more demand because more of it is off the streets

and it benefits the other people who are in business

and it just makes them more money.

I believe that if marijuana was legalized,

A, you know, the market for it to make it would go down because it would become so cheap

because it's readily and legally available.

The only reason that, you know, people will go through such lengths is because you make so much money off of it.

Yes, yes.

It is nothing but an herb is what it is.

It's an herb.

It's an herb that's sold at higher the price than it's weight.

And gold.

I mean, come on, people.

Honestly.

Really.

I mean, we're going way too far with this.

You ought to know something, man, with hemp, with hemp, dude, you can grow hemp and make your own fuel for your automobile.

You can process hemp to make clothes, to make paper.

Yeah, the Constitution of the United States was written on hemp paper.

Yeah, and the Declaration of Independence, too, I understand.

Yes, it was, and the first American flag was made out of hemp.

Yeah, that's right, man.

man. And you know what? Hemp seeds are up there with soybeans as far as protein goes. People

around the world have been eating hemp seeds for thousands of years and getting good natural omega

seeds and vitamins out of them, man, for thousands of years. They're high protein.

And these chemical companies, dude, they're the ones, too, that don't want legalized. And the

The police make billions of dollars a year by keeping it illegal.

Of course, man.

The police and the cities and the courts, they make money hand in fist in fines.

I'll tell you what, man.

I went to court once for a bounce check.

I made a mistake once.

I was unemployed.

I wrote a bunch of checks.

I lost my job.

One of them bounced.

It was $30 at Walmart.

Those bastards drugged me into the court for that.

And I'll tell you, 90% of the cases there were marijuana-related.

and the majority of them

all these people did was they

agreed to take this course that they had to pay

$300 for to some

company in order to pretty much get

out of it with a slap on the wrist

yeah right and you think about it

and here's the thing it's like

$100 court facility fee

$50 county fee

$100 for the fine

it's like you know you get these

people they're wasting like $2,000

that they're paying just because they

They caught it with weed, and it's a big money cow.

I mean, they're like customers.

They're just coming in and out, you know, piling in money for the local governments.

That's what it is, man.

You know something?

Meanwhile, alcohol is perfectly legal, and it kills more people than all the other drugs put together.

That's right, man.

It's a horrible plague on this country.

You know what?

The worst of it all, though, and I encourage all people to stay away from it,

is methamphetamine, man.

It doesn't have nothing to do with that shit.

You know why?

Because that shit, at first it will make you feel like you're 10 foot tall and bulletproof,

and then once it takes over your life, man, it will just eat you up from the inside out, man.

That and heroin, man.

Heroin is something you don't want to mess with the user, I don't think.

Well, the thing with heroin, it comes from a natural source, you know,

And oftentimes they find doctors that die of old age,

and they find out these doctors have been mainlining heroin for like 40 and 50 years

and carrying on successful practices because they get pharmaceutical-grade heroin.

It's the impurities in heroin that you buy on the street that does you in.

But I think like heroin and cocaine are available in the supermarket as readily as sugar.

You ought to be able to go in there and buy five pounds of heroin or cocaine for $5 for a $5 bag.

If you can go in, if you can buy caffeine pills, if you can buy caffeine pills, you should be able to buy cocaine.

Right, Bolivian marching powder, man.

It's like if they made pharmaceutical-grade cocaine, which they do, and druggists use it, you know, and doctors use it, and dentists use it,

And, you know, these rich elitist motherfuckers use it, and they go and get injections of amphetamines and vitamin B12 complexes in their health spas and shit.

And they, you know, but it's the street drugs, man, because you don't, but methamphetamine don't come from no natural source.

It's made out of fucking kerosene, brain cleaner.

Yeah, Sudafed, whatever, man, they put a bunch of nasty shit in that, man.

And I know a lot of people that's fallen behind that shit, dude.

Really, I mean, when I was in the joint, man, a lot of dudes killed people while tweaking on methamphetamine.

A total stranger, dude.

They'd look at a total stranger, and because they were tweaking,

they'd think that dude was a demon or a devil trying to possess them or something,

and they'd kill a total stranger.

Oh, shit.

And, I mean, I used to go to N.A. meetings in prison, dude,

and the life stories, man, of young guys fucking up with methamphetamine, man.

There's thousands of them in prison doing life sentences.

Yeah, man, that's some shit, dude.

Or else, see, methamphetamine, once it takes you over, man,

it'll, like, you'll go out and kill your best friend, man, to get his stash,

if he's got a stash of that shit.

I advocate the legality of all drugs except methamphetamine

because I just know what it does.

I try to avoid tweakers at all costs, man.

I don't trust them.

I don't let them into my house.

I avoid them, man.

I don't blame you, but for me, I'm good with marijuana, maybe cocaine.

Yeah, I can't afford cocaine, so I drink coffee,

and once in a while, somebody will pass me a joint or something.

Well, I'm talking about legalization.

I mean, I smoke weed, but I'm saying for legalization, right,

I mean, definitely marijuana should be legal.

Okay, now let me ask you this, Carlito.

Over there on the East Coast, do they have medical marijuana?

No, they don't, absolutely not.

I know California does.

Well, I mean, generally, locally legal, federally illegal, what are you going to do?

Yeah, right.

The feds don't recognize the state's rights on the issue,

but every time the feds bust somebody here in California

and it goes on the state level, they throw it out of court usually.

Yeah, well, that's good, man.

At least you get that, dude, you know.

Yeah, well, it's like, hey, man, I'll tell you what, dude.

I've been around 20,000 people that were tripping on acid and smoking marijuana

and partied with them for three days many different times

and never, ever saw any violence come down.

But you go to about any bar, man, and there's all kinds of fucking violence coming down behind alcohol.

Yeah, I hear that, dude.

I ain't shitting you, man.

I'd rather be around a bunch of potheads any day than a bunch of fucking elkies, man.

Oh, yeah.

All right, Crazy Guy.

Well, thanks for checking in, dude.

I hope your computer works out, man.

Yeah, hey, man, I'll tell you what, dude.

I really love your show, man.

And I'll tell you what, man, you're one of the greatest voices on the radio.

You're 10,000 times better than Rush Limbaugh.

You're like, you're next to, you know what, you're the Jesus Christ of the radio, dude.

Hell.

You're pretty through, man.

Everybody in the world is going to be listening to Madhouse Radio, dude.

Dude, thanks.

Hey, I'm going to get you on the Ed Sullivan Show, man.

I'm going to get in touch with Ed Sullivan.

I'm going to get you on the Ed Sullivan Show.

Ed Sullivan, he's dead.

Oh, no, man.

There's no such thing as death, dude.

Oh, dude, there ain't no such thing as death.

Hey, are you on any instant messenger out there, AOL, anything like that, or do you stay away from it?

Well, yeah, I kind of do stay away from that.

I got an e-mail address.

All right.

Well, hey, when you come back, you just get with me privately or something.

Yeah, I'd like to give it to you privately.

Is there a way I can e-mail it to you?

Sure, man, yeah, madhouseradio.gmail.com.

You know the website.

Just e-mail me.

Okay, when I get my computer up and running, dude, hey, good talking to you, Carlito.

Hey, no problem, brother, man.

Take care.

Is your buddy there, a homegrown clone there?

He had to leave.

He's got to work at 4, but Milkman's listening in.

He's here with us.

He wanted to ask me if he had a way to get a hold of you.

But, yeah, man, when you get back, email us, man.

Email us.

I will, man.

All right, brother.

Take care.

Good luck with the computer, man.

You too, dude.

All right, brother.

Peace out, dude.

All right.

Bye-bye.

That is honestly the most interesting caller that we have on this show.

It's definitely him.

I put him.

He is cool as hell.

Yeah, him and Zolar are just the two funny guys, dude.

I got cut off, man.

What was you saying about Lego is just trying to deal our guy and use him?

Lego?

No, I was just kidding about that.

No, the Lego put him on this intro, him talking, preaching like he does sometimes.

But I haven't.

He's still our guy.

Yeah, dude, hang on.

Seriously.

And he's not listening.

Isn't Ed Sullivan dead?

Isn't seriously Ed Sullivan?

Oh, he's been dead, dude.

He's been dead for years and years.

I think he died before I was born.

Yeah.

Okay, man

Poor guy

Poor dumb guy

I don't know, yeah

Ed Sullivan, that's back in the Beatles and Elvis

That's some crazy shit there, dude

Well, he's a 60s dude, man

So he would be thinking Ed Sullivan

Because the biggest thing back in them days

He wouldn't like bigger than Johnny Carson

With Ed Sullivan

Ed Sullivan, yeah, that's where, you know, you did

If you were on the Ed Sullivan show, you were something

You had it made, dude

That's where the Beatles went to

The Beatles and Elvis.

And the Muppets started there, too.

The first appearance of the Muppets nationally was on the Ed Sullivan Show, ladies and gentlemen.

Well, Fred, we'll have a little bit of a show.

Yeah, man.

I don't know.

It's late.

What time is it here?

I've got bottles in front of my computer.

12.54, almost 1 o'clock.

I've sent about five confirmed numbers to you, these clubs here.

Yeah, and so has Lonesome Loser, dude.

We've got to do a few calls here.

Tell you what.

But I'm going to call one of the lonesomes, and I'm going to call one of yours, and we'll alternate, okay?

Fair enough?

All right.

No, that's cool.

Okay.

Just call some lonesome numbers.

I'm just saying that we've got some definite numbers to call.

We're going to start.

Okay, got it.

We'll do one of yours next after that.

We're going to start right off the top of the list.

We're going to go rapid fire here, everybody.

As fast as possible, we're going to try to burn off this phone card that Lonesome Loser gave us.

And let me thank Lonesome Loser.

Shit.

Let me thank Lonesome Loser very much for his contributions tonight.

And Oakman, of course, you too.

We're going to call Nigger Healthcare in Chino, California.

I don't know.

Hang on, folks.

Here comes the next prank call.

Bad news, Milkman.

What's going on?

We have a dead cell phone.

My cell phone broke.

I knew you were going to say that.

Yeah, yeah.

Right in the middle of doing the last one, it took a shit.

So I charged the battery last week.

I don't know how much juice it has.

What about the rest of the batteries?

Well, I have one backup battery, but it hasn't been charged since last week.

Oh, shit, dude.

Let me see if it has.

It might have some juice in it.

You never know.

Let me see.

Cross your fingers.

It is plugged in, and I'm hitting the talk button now, and nothing is working.

Can you do it without?

Nope.

Can't do it without.

Oh, shit.

All right.

Well, I can't do a prank call show without that.

Well, hell.

God damn it.

I mean, darn it.

Darn it.

You can curse here, man.

It's cool.

It's late, though, dude.

It's 1 o'clock.

We tried, honestly.

You know what we have to do is a 420 show, man.

You know?

Hey, let's do a 420 show, man.

You know what?

Here is your information.

Nunu sent me some information.

Yeah?

that over the weekend there's going to be another one of those big telemarketing conferences.

We ought to do a special show or something over the weekend.

Here's what I'll tell you what we'll do.

Tomorrow, okay, Pena leaves at 5.

We'll do a show at 6.

We'll do a show at 6, okay, 6 to 8 p.m.,

and then Joop will go on from 8 to 10,

and then Zolar will go on from 10 until whenever.

How's that sound?

You're free tomorrow, 6 p.m. Eastern?

That's 7 p.m. your time?

Let's do it, man.

Let's do it.

All right, so we'll do a show tomorrow, 6 p.m. Eastern.

Hell yeah, baby.

Hopefully it works.

Don't talk about that.

That's my brother, hermano Carlito, man.

Our fearless leader.

That's right.

Always in there, man, for a good one.

Yeah, so we got to...

You're a hell of a guy.

You know what it was tonight?

We had a lot of people calling in, so we lost phone battery use, unfortunately.

Yeah, that's true.

My God, we had more people calling in this time than we had for weeks.

Yeah, I know.

It's been great, guys.

I thank you.

Milkman, it's that time.

Go ahead and take us out of here, as I like to say.

Wow, man.

This has been a wonderful evening, Carver.

I'd like to definitely send out my big thank yous and big shout-outs, man.

First off, to my buddy, Mr. Madman.

He runs this wonderful chat room we hear called IRC.

You can smack somebody in the mouth and knock their teeth out.

You can come back and smile and shake hands later if your band gets lifted.

And if Neil lets you come back.

and thanks to neil also our famous chat nazi thank you mr man man for this wonderful chat room

also man i give a big shout and thank you to dr motherfucking lego who gives us this killer stream

here man let's just come on here and tickle your earball fancies all around this world man with the

crazy mad styling to the madhouse and that's right y'all be tuned in for this cd coming out

You're going to love it.

I still think we ought to go with what your fat ass been up to.

But anyway, moving right along, I'd like to thank, most especially,

our great benevolent sponsor, Mr. KDK, the Larry Prankster, man,

the Cerebro of the Prank World, who's going to soon be on the Howard Stern Show.

That's right.

You heard it right here.

Coming up soon, KDK, our favorite sponsor right here, soon to be on Howard Stern.

Don't miss it.

Also, I want to thank, in particular, my fearless leader, my brother, my hermano, Carlito the Madhouse.

Everything you do for us every week, Carlito.

Thank God.

What the hell would we do without you?

I don't know.

We panic.

You always put in a good show.

We panic, son of a bitch.

That's what we do.

That's right.

We can't have that, man.

And, you know, Athena, being such a good lady she is, she keeps you in tune, ready for our shows.

Thank you both, Athena and Carlito.

Thank you so much, Madhouse.

I'd also like to thank Mr. Lonesome Loser, the hardest working man in PCU.

The incredible, guaranteed number one, number back hitter of PCU.

Thank God for Lonesome Loser.

What would we do without you?

You couldn't do anything without him.

Also, I want to thank Sweet Kisses for stopping by.

Who the hell is that?

Thank God we got Sweet Kisses.

Who is that?

Sweet Kiss has sent me a bunch of cookies and milk, man.

She is nice.

Cookies and milk.

I like her.

Okay, I don't know what you're talking about.

Apparently she sent you naked pictures of her.

Yeah, man.

She's sweet, all right.

Woo-wee.

Okay.

Also, especially out there, everybody that called in, the warrior, the crazy bastard, Andy, you no-good schnook.

We miss your stupid ass.

Andy was supposed to call in, and he didn't call in.

Yeah, and you punk us out and didn't call in, but we still love you.

I hope your trucking career has gone all right,

and I'm glad to hear that you still got your name Andy on the back of your belt there.

Also, you, the listeners, thank God for all of you.

We love you.

We do this just for you because you know why?

It's all about you, our listeners.

We pay every week to come in here and give you interactive entertainment.

All you have to do is provide us with some good material,

and we will give you some laughs that you won't believe.

All right, Paul.

Thank God for our listeners.

We love y'all.

All right.

And by God, Carly, it's all back to you.

Tell us about that 420 show.

Well, it'll be a show tomorrow at 6 p.m.

We're going to do a two-hour show.

We'll try.

Look, if it doesn't go to 6 until 8, whatever.

But anyway, the schedule is like this.

Let's have some good numbers, you guys.

Do your homework.

Carly is going to come on the air.

Do your damn homework.

Yeah, man.

Everybody try to show up.

Check the numbers out before you send them in.

We're going to try to do an early show tomorrow, 6 p.m. to 8 p.m.

And after that, Joop and the Joop Kids will do a show at 8 p.m.

Eastern, this is all, all times Eastern, until 10 p.m.

And he says he'll call in tomorrow.

That's great.

Tomorrow night.

Right.

And then we'll follow that with Zolar and Zolar Vision at 10 p.m. Eastern.

That's tomorrow, Friday.

Saturday, KDK will return with KDK's Lunatic Fringe, 10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Followed on Monday by Dr. Lego

And his mental discrepancies

Along with High Pitch Eric perhaps

And Dale and Sales

And Zudo and all those people

And Great Scott and all that shit

They'll do a show probably on Monday

And KDK will come back again

With the Cycle Babble on Wednesday at 10pm

Eastern and then we'll follow up again here

Thursday next week

That'll be the freaking

28th already man

We're already through September

October is here.

Insane.

Damn.

I know, man.

Almost time.

Halloween time, baby.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, we're going to call it a night.

Thank you, everybody.

Again, thank you, Lonesome Loser, Madman, KDK, Milkman.

Thank you, man.

It's always great to have you on here, dude.

Aw, man.

Thanks a lot, Carl.

We love you, man.

And phone homegrown, everybody who called in, thank you.

Everybody who sent in numbers, thank you.

Jay, Black Box, Homeboy, thank you, Andy.

of course the warrior everybody dude i can't even begin to count how many people we had help from

today so thank you everybody it was a good show honestly it was a good show so um i had a great

time man yeah how could you not okay everybody catch us here next week oh yeah by the way this

is the new outro so be sure to listen it's 7 minutes 17 seconds long i don't expect you to

listen to this every week but for the first time there's stuff on here that you've never heard

it anywhere else. This is brand new.

Outro for the show.

Enjoy it. Let me know what you think of this.

Got the Milkman's Hill approval.

Go to madhouselive.com.

The podcast will be

updated tomorrow with tonight's show.

Be sure to check that out.

That's it. We'll catch you next week. Thank you, everybody.

Tomorrow, 6 p.m.

Get your numbers ready.

That's right.

We love you.

We're not even online right now.

I think you're lying, man.

We have your name.

We have your everything.

What is the address?

What is the email?

We don't give that out.

How do I know that you're not going to use that?

Exactly.

How do I know?

Because you know what?

We're not even online right now.

You listen to me.

What are you, a vampire?

Excuse me.

You're a bum.

You people are bums.

It's 5.30.

You know what, asshole?

Look, bitch.

Don't try and tell me that I owe you money.

I'm an attorney.

Ma'am?

Yes?

I have gas.

Listen.

Oh.

Well, you owe me $5 for breaking the toilet.

Breaking the toilet? What toilet? Tell me who this is.

The white toilet. I told you already. My name is Bo Steen.

I ain't fixing nothing because I didn't break nothing.

I don't use anybody's toilet.

You came down, you used the toilet, you took a big shit.

I took a big shit?

Yes.

Man, it wasn't me, pal. It was not me. You got the wrong guy.

Why don't you tell me in your own words? Be honest.

Sure.

The Russians are upset. We're trying to keep them at peace, all right?

What did they do?

I need you to tell me everything.

I did not do anything.

Basically, what you told me...

I mean, we could start a war over this.

Oh, God.

You know, the judges, I don't know what they're going to think, you know.

What did they do?

Am I in trouble?

Well, yes, son.

What did they do, sir?

You just violated international law.

I really don't know anything about that, sir.

Well, that's...

Well, ignorance of the law is no excuse.

I mean, that's...

What did I do?

If we're all going to get our hand released, you know, I mean...

I provide clothes for individuals that come in and buy them from me.

Under slave labor.

Free printing, embroidery.

embroidery under slave labor no i don't have any slave labor so why you know what i don't have time

for your bullshit you son of a b you motherfucking you how can you speak his body you speak you

speak english i say you motherfucking you motherfucking ah go ahead man you motherfucking

you you bitch don't never don't never call me boy man oh my lord oh my lord you motherfucking

Why are you slandering me?

What's the squad?

Are you lame?

First of all, um...

Give me the room number, name, I can call you.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Fuck you fucking piece of shit!

Okay, so what do you call yourself?

Homoseyama.

There's no one that can match me.

My style is impetuous.

My defense is impregnable.

And I'm just ferocious.

I want your heart.

I want to eat your children.

Pray be to Allah.

Go back to Africa.

No, you're not having no anal sex with me.

Yes, I am.

You're going to like it, too.

No, you're not.

It's going to be just like when your cousin was in town.

What cousin?

Your cousin.

Your cousin, girlfriend, mother, sister, wife.

You can go to hell, dude.

You can go to hell, you damn Republican.

Bo-deen.

I don't give a damn.

I don't know Bo-deen.

Look, boy, I'm going to have sex with you.

Don't call me no boy.

I ain't no boy.

Let me talk to her while I stroke my cock.

No.

Please, I want to so bad.

Email her panties.

Yeah.

Or your panties.

Go smell her panties while we talk to you.

Who the hell is this?

I hear a fucking laughing in the background.

Who is this?

Let me talk to your hot sister.

Fuck you.

If you call again, how old are you?

Thirteen.

Yeah, fucking right.

You sound like you're fucking eighteen or nineteen.

I'm thirteen, I said.

You are a sick fuck.

Come on, let me talk to your sister, man.

Be a pal.

No!

Have you ever seen your sister naked?

No!

Hello?

Hello!

Fuck you!

Look, look, man.

You.

I'm not on my fucking street, you fucking fat ass that fucking broke my fucking car.

Yeah, that's right.

Look, man, I don't know what you be talking about.

Oh, I know what I'm talking about because I fucking recognize your goddamn number.

Okay, look, I'm innocent.

You innocent?

I'm innocent.

And my shit got broken throwing out my fucking car.

Nah, I don't know.

And we fucking stopped you.

I don't know.

And my fucking CD player was in your fucking dashboard.

Yeah, how you guys doing, man?

Staying in Honolulu out of town Friday night.

You know what I'm saying?

Yes, sir.

And I like chicken.

Yes, sir.

Yeah.

Can you bring me some chicken?

Oh, I cannot bring you chicken.

We don't have a delivery.

What the fuck?

A to the K, yo.

A to the KFC.

I know, but we don't have a delivery.

Can you dip a wing in your pocket and run it up to me?

Yeah, but I'm only one over here.

I cannot drop a chicken on you.

We would give you a couple hundred dollars, though.

Even though, guys.

Show me your dick, motherfucker.

You have pussy, motherfucker.

Are you asking me out?

Just come over here.

Are you asking me out?

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it, you know?

Tell me, tell me.

Oh, okay, motherfucker.

Do you know who's your daddy?

No.

Do you know how many guys fucked your mom before you came?

No.

Oh, that's good.

Tell me.

How many guys fucked her before you came?

Tell me, tell me.

Are you happy now?

Yeah, I am.

That's good, that's good.

Are you happy?

I'm happy, yeah, with your mom, yeah.

I fucked your mom.

Yeah, I'm happy.

It's a white man that don't want to hear from no goddamn niggas calling me in the fucking middle of the night.

Listen, listen boy, listen boy.

Call a boy, I'll show you a boy with a 12-gauge shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen, cracker.

He's got three letters.

Listen here, cracker.

You got that, cock-off?

Okay.

You nigger motherfucker.

Hey, do you have enough room for me? I weigh about 428 pounds.

I can't understand a word you're saying.

I weigh about 428 pounds.

Then you're fat.

Hey, hey Carlito, man.

Yes, sir.

Hey, after listening to you, dude, I can't listen to normal radio, man,

because it sounds like a bunch of fucking retards.

You guys are the fucking greatest radio station in the United States of America and around the world.

Now, I understand that you're even going to Australia and the U.K. and all that shit, right?

We're all over the place.

All right, dude.

That's good because you just keep evolving and growing, dude.

That's what happens, man.

All right.

Love, peace, and joy to all living, sentient beings on the planet Earth, man.

Here and elsewhere, man.

Everywhere, man.

Everywhere.

God bless you, sir.

Love you, man.

Love you.

All right.

Whatever.

Yeah.

Cut.

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

No, you're not having no effect on me.

Yes, I am.

You're going to like it, too.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (26, 1 h 16 min of 2 h 28 min)

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