2006-10-05 Show

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Hey, everybody.

Good evening.

Madhouse Radio is back.

Welcome.

As usual, Zy Carlito along with Fina and Homegrown as well via satellite link-up.

Milkman will be joining us later tonight.

The clone is here.

Clone, say hi to all the beautiful Jews out there.

Folks, Jews of life.

I'm going to have a good show tonight.

I'll try to at least.

We've got a lot of numbers out here.

Ready to go.

Clone's in a good mood tonight.

And I'm in an okay mood.

Damn, Skippy like peanut butter.

That's right.

I like Jif myself, but that wouldn't make any sense.

Hey, it's creamy, man.

Jouzy moms choose Jif, man.

That's how it is.

That's how it goes.

That's right.

My mom was a bitch.

We had government.

Oh, government sucks.

But the government cheese is good and government butter is good.

Tell you what.

Yeah, I get it.

Yeah, it makes good fried chicken.

You use it with government butter.

That's a tip from me.

Fry your chicken with government butter.

Clones is going to fry my chicken right now.

Yeah, that's what he's going to do.

We eat every day.

Fry a chicken every day here in the Madhouse.

I, myself, am going.

Tonight will be, tomorrow will be one week without smoking anything.

Except for tobacco, the occasional.

Break out the black flag.

Yeah, do that.

But hey, one week, that's the hump, the hurdle.

And I'm very happy, very excited about that.

I think it's a positive thing that I've done in my life to stop smoking.

Bravo, man.

Bravo.

I'm sure Clone will follow us one day into that.

Milkman quit smoking 20 years ago.

He'd rather die.

He would rather die.

Who's asking in the chat room what government butter is?

Well, Noonum, you're from the UK where you don't get handouts from the government except for your medical care.

But here in the States, if you're poor from the ghetto, you get hooked up with free food, if you want to call it that.

Shit, man.

Free shit if you don't make enough money.

And you take advantage of it

And they give you a block of butter

Is it weekly that they give out that government stuff

Or is it monthly I don't know

Yeah yeah it's weekly

It's weekly right

They give you a thing of peanut butter

Yeah I think so

They give you a jar of peanut butter

A brick of cheese

A brick of butter

And a box of powdered milk

I think that's all they give

I can't remember if that's all they give out

Yeah I think so

I'm not sure it's been so long

Yeah well supposedly that's enough to get a family of four by for a week

I don't know

See we came up from the ghetto

We live in high society now.

Yeah, now we're moving on up like the Jeffersons here in the madhouse.

All of us here.

Yeah, there's a new trading port here.

Yeah, well, I'm the only unemployed member.

Clone's been working for a while, if you want to call it that.

You called them sick how many times this week, you said?

Twice?

Did you work today?

This week?

Yeah.

Yeah, I worked today twice already this week.

Twice this week.

But they sent me home on Monday, man, because I fucked up shit.

So what was that about?

I read about that.

How did you mess up exactly?

Exactly. Were you making mistakes financially, or were you just talking...

Oh, yeah, left and right.

Really?

Matt, good for you.

I'd like to announce that I...

Yeah, don't smoke two bowls of hydro.

No, don't do that.

Well, hey, over the weekend and the beginning of the week, I reformatted my PC,

and I'd like to say that that went through successfully.

I'm very excited about that.

Good job.

I hope that we'll go forward into a better quality show tonight

because there's not as much clutter and jumble and memory being wasted and stuff.

So, you guys let me know if something's messed up, you know.

If something sounds different or something sounds off or wrong today because of the new PC setup here in the studio, let me know.

Because I have no way of knowing.

We're flying kind of blind.

I'm using new programs to broadcast the show today and things may not work as usual.

But we're going to try our best tonight for sure.

Anyway.

So, I think they can hear us now, okay.

Good, good.

I'll hopefully switch on.

Usually we have Milkman around.

He'll tell me the stream is jumping or whatnot, but he's not around.

around. Like I said earlier, he'll be up, hopefully he'll be with us in about a half

hour, an hour or so. We'll see about that. Hope he makes it. If not, good for him for

working. He's making out with sweet kisses, huh? Yeah, I think so. He's got a thing going

on with her, you know. They got eyes for each other, you know. I think that's his ticket

out of the ghetto. I've only got eyes for you. God damn it. Randy Danny asks, why doesn't

everyone in our country get free health care? You know I was talking about that. It's a

very good subject, but I don't want to get into that. We're going to stay positive today.

Because insurance is big business.

I mean, we were talking about this last night, weren't we?

About how, yeah.

What do you think, Clone?

Do you think it's fair for the medical industry to be a profit industry?

Shouldn't it be a non-for-profit industry?

Isn't it unfair that you can make money off of...

It should be.

It should be, isn't it?

But since they started the machine, then they're not going to turn it off.

Fucking doctors aren't going to turn it off, those bastards.

What?

Hell no.

It's not fair, though.

They got student loans to pay for.

God, man.

They got to pay for it.

mistresses to keep quiet and stuff

like that, you know? And BMWs

and shit. Yeah, and oil changes

and stuff like that, you know? Shit, but

hey, here we are. Bastards. Yeah.

Damn all the doctors, you know?

Until I get sick. Until I need heart surgery, then

you know. Fuck them, man. You know, when I need heart surgery

then I'm all for the doctors, but for now, fuck

them. Fuck them in the ears so they

can hear me coming. That's, I like that.

Um, it's Thursday, October

the 5th. It's 1022pm

and you can visit us online at

madhouselive.com. You can also

You can also visit KDK and the PCU Radio brethren over at PCURadio.com, PCURadio.com, and yeah, MadhouseLive.com.

Be sure to subscribe for the podcasts.

That's right, plural.

We have the normal Madhouse podcast is, of course, up, updated weekly with our shows and pranks.

And we are now running the PCU podcast as well with the shows that are featured here just about every night on PCU.

We started that over the weekend.

High Pitch Eric from the Howard Stern Show, he did a show on Saturday evening.

That show is up on the podcast.

You can also catch Katie Kay's show from Saturday.

It was a good show.

That's on the podcast as well.

And I'm sure that Zolar's show for tomorrow evening, if he does one, I'm not sure.

I haven't heard from him in a few days, but it will be online as well.

Dr. Lego shows will be on there

All that good stuff

Zohu

Zoha

Yeah

So what's going on that we can talk about?

Zoha he he

What can we talk about honestly?

Is there anything what?

That Hastert

Well

You know I wanted just to touch base

With the guy in the Amish community

That fucking went nuts

And blew some chicks away

Yeah

Tell us about that

What about that man?

I mean they said that he was

Into molesting young girls

I understand that

You understand that?

Why do you have to take it out on an Amish community?

Who do they fuck up?

I can dig that.

Well, he had some kind of grudge for 20 years ago with the Amish.

I mean, what the hell did an Amish person do to him?

Oh, is that what it was?

He said he had a 20-year-old grudge that he was letting out against the Amish or something, that he did it.

I don't know.

I don't know what the hell an Amish person would do to piss you off that 20 years later you need to kill a bunch of girls.

That's kind of sick.

But, yeah.

Hey, let me ask you a question.

You work with your hands, unlike me.

What are eye holes?

Like, they say that he had a piece of board with ten eye holes cut in it for the girls.

What the hell is an eye hole?

I even looked up online to try to figure it out.

Any idea what that might be?

In a board?

Yeah.

Fuck, I don't know.

Maybe he put them in a corner and had, like, eye holes in the fucking, you know.

I don't know.

The only thing I could think.

What I was thinking, maybe he had a long board that he was going to have them all stick their hands in

so they couldn't get apart, you know,

so they would be constricted,

you know, they couldn't escape.

I don't know, maybe that's what it was.

If so, whatever.

But, you know, the funeral procession for the girls was today,

and they actually went by the guy's house

in the funeral procession.

Imagine that.

Isn't that something?

Isn't that ironic?

Yeah, they invited the wife and everything.

Did they really?

Wow, man, those people are ridiculous.

Yeah, the Amish, man, they didn't let up with nobody.

I don't know.

I don't know, I mean, that's something.

And they said they've already forgiven the guy and all that.

It's like, I don't know.

Something, dude.

I don't know if I could forgive anybody after killing my daughter like that, you know?

Decoy Q says it's for a rope.

Like, eyelet hole.

Oh, I see.

Okay.

So, yeah, he was probably going to try to tie them all up together so they couldn't, you know, escape easily.

What a bastard, huh?

I guess.

This all sounds fucking twisted to me, man.

Well, there's reports today.

Today, I don't know if these are true or not, that the Foley emails and messages were all a prank.

They were all a joke, apparently.

Is that true or not? I don't know.

Well, that's a pretty funny fucking prank.

Oh, yeah, that's a hilarious prank, I'll tell you what.

That's a pretty elaborate one. I mean, that's up there. I don't know.

Yeah, I mean, Rupert Murdoch had to do that himself.

Must have been, yeah, someone in the know.

You know, a few Jews or something did that one.

I don't know.

It just came across, I have a news ticker here for me during the show,

I've seen a few of those in the last few minutes

I've said that

I don't know, I haven't looked into it

So if anybody wants to look into the fact that

It was possibly a prank

Follow up with us on that

And let us know

For the time being, whatever

That'd be a funny ass prank

That'd be sick

Hey, if you guys want to get a hold of us here

On AOL Instant Messenger

You can do so, Madhouse Radio

Again, that's Madhouse Radio

On AOL Instant Messenger

You can also reach me on Yahoo Messenger, Madhouse PCU Radio.

And if you're using MSN Messenger, Madhouse PCU Radio at hotmail.com.

You can email us here at madhouseradio at gmail.com.

And the toll-free line tonight will be on.

The toll-free line is 1-

That's 888-278-8509.

Hey, there you go.

Good work.

Almost called you Milkman.

You're filling in for Milkman there for a little bit.

That's awesome.

That's right.

888-278-8509.

Very well done, clone.

So, yeah, I don't think there's anything else.

Thank you, thank you.

Is there anything else in the news that we can talk about now?

Or we just, maybe we just want to get a prank done, I think.

Anybody die?

Let's just get into some pranks, man.

Let's do that.

I agree.

Lonesome Loser, who we couldn't do without him, I say time and time again.

Lonesome Loser in the chat room has sent in.

The hardest working man.

The hardest working man in PCU has sent in a bunch of numbers here.

Let me run down.

We got a location with a webcam.

Athene, I sent you a link to that.

Did you open that yet by chance?

Oh, yeah.

No, that's the other one.

They're the first one.

Yeah, okay.

Athene is opening that up.

There's a bar by the name of Snapper Jacks, and they have a webcam.

I don't know where they're located, but we're loading it now here,

and we'll post that in the chat room momentarily.

Yeah, the head push.

Yeah, be calling them.

Not a webcam, but yeah.

What else do we have here?

We've got Chubby's Hamburgers.

We have a few Walmarts.

Chubby's Hamburgers.

Yeah, we've got two casinos.

Excuse me, we've got the Donut and Muffin Factory.

Let's see.

What do we have here?

The Coward Church of God.

Okay, Lonesome says, I talked to this guy a few months ago.

I think this is the guy who had an intervention with me on the phone and we started praying.

We have him on deck also.

I do believe that and remember that one.

That is a good call.

We actually pray it on the air.

The Dunkin' Donuts, of course, is ready to go.

We always call him.

That's in Michigan, home of Sam.

Sam's mom answered there.

I guess his mom answered tonight.

Let's see if he's at work today.

We'll see about that.

We've got a Kmart here.

We've got an Office Depot.

We've got Narcotics Anonymous.

Hey, those are always fun.

Yeah.

Who knows all about those?

We also have 24-Hour Locksmith.

We've got a Walgreens, et cetera, et cetera.

Sure, Nunu has sent in a request early tonight for us to call this crazy fundamentalist lady

who goes to McDonald's every week and sings religious songs.

And she sent me, he sent me, I'd rather, Nunu sent me the MySpace page.

I think any, oh, you need to install QuickTime.

Yeah, just install QuickTime.

Did you, Ginger?

You don't have QuickTime on that one?

Oh, you're downloading.

QuickTime sucks, but you have to have it.

Yeah, I want a QuickTime alternative, actually.

Like, this company built a, and a real, and a real player alternative.

it's like it doesn't use any resources and you can play quick time and real player stuff without

actually using those two programs i'll send you a link it's pretty good i tested it out

yeah i'm very happy very very happy right on very happy with that well let's call it even huh

yeah well let's call nunu's number then huh uh i don't know this yeah i don't know her name though

nunu send me her name i can't open myspace pages because it'll fuck up the show flow um do you have

that open it? The MySpace one? I'm sorry about that. But you

bothered me all day today, so it's fine. Is it open?

There it is. God, prayer, and

a loaded gun.

God. Go down. I need to see

her name is what I need. It's a female.

Got that. That's it. That's all we got.

Okay. I'm gonna post that in the chatroom for everybody.

That's our MySpace page that we're posting

right now in the chatroom. There you go,

folks. Try that out. In the meantime,

we will do the first call of the night

to her. Her name is June Griffin, he

says. And he did send me the name. I'm sorry,

Nunu. I overlooked that. I apologize.

I apologize, sir. Please don't be angry at me.

Yeah, here comes the first call of the night, everybody.

In just a moment, we're going to be calling June Griffin, a crazy fundamentalist lady.

Let's hear some Fugees, why don't we?

We'll be right back after this. First call of the night, Dan.

You got beef?

You're going to be me in the back right now!

Everyone wants to be a talent away.

Please leave your message after the tone.

Bugger. Thanks, Noonoo.

Yeah, go ahead, Noonoo. Go work.

Can't hack it.

You can't hack it?

get out of a kitchen.

That's right.

I've only been able to hack one answer machine

in my whole tenure as a PCU host.

I believe that that honor would go to KDK

as the master of hacking answer machines.

But yeah, Saigon guaranteed...

Yeah, he's pretty good at it.

Saigon called it.

He said it would be a bum number,

and sure enough, it was a bum number.

So Saigon gets a gold star for calling that one.

Good work, Saigon.

Saigon is the MVP of the night here, everybody.

Nice short clap there.

Yes, the most valuable player of the show tonight is Saigon.

So far.

So far that is.

Okay, so moving right along.

The next call of the night will be to Snapper Jack's Bar.

Did I?

I don't know if I posted that live webcam yet here.

Nah, you didn't.

Alright, well I'm posting it now in the chat room, everybody.

And there you go.

The live webcam link for the place that we're about to call now.

Did you get that to work yet?

You're selling quick time.

I should wait for that to come up on Athena's laptop first, right?

Are you pissed off at me?

I've been drinking tonight, too.

You watch it.

I've had a third of a beer.

You're on your fifth glass of wine.

Drunk, you lush.

Go make me a cocktail.

I almost told you last night.

Did I tell you this morning, go make me a cocktail?

Because I wanted a coffee.

Yeah.

Sure enough, she didn't do it.

Heaven forbid if she asked me to make her a coffee.

Sure enough.

You know, every morning she's like, go make my coffee for me.

And I always do it.

And today I asked her to go make me, you know, my coffee.

And she didn't even do it.

I had to get it myself.

Rude, man.

Rude.

Clone Homegrown, you know, he...

Piss, piss.

Clone tells his woman to make him a coffee.

She does it.

She makes good coffee, too.

She makes Australian coffee.

Right.

I do make the best coffee in the world, everybody.

Yeah.

Nunu, not Nunu, Neo was asking about headphones.

Headsets, rather.

She's doing a show now.

And she wanted to know if a USB headset was better than an actual regular male plug headset.

I would have to say a regular headset would be better.

As far as I know, USB headsets are always shitty.

Don't do that.

That's not a good thing to do.

And let's take this as our first call of the night, everybody.

First call of the night coming up right now.

Hello?

Go ahead.

What's up, Carlito?

Jonathan!

Son of a gun, where are you?

Where the hell have you been, man?

I got a message last week that you're going to be coming back in three days,

and you never came back, man.

Are you running from the feds?

What's going on with you, man?

Well, I moved to Florida.

I'm no longer in North Carolina.

Did you move to Florida, or are you just visiting right now?

Uh-oh.

He's talking to you.

I finally moved.

Are you serious?

Yep.

Where in Florida now?

I'm in Panama City right now, but I'm real close to you.

I can go to Orlando, Florida anytime now.

No kidding.

Panama City, man.

That's something.

We're going to have to get Jonathan in here to be a co-host or something.

Klond is scared.

Klond is telling me you're a stalker, man.

So why the move, man?

What happened?

Are there better jobs for bus drivers down here?

Yeah.

That's it?

I mean, were you following a girl or anything like that?

Or a man?

Not to assume things, but any story?

No.

No?

Okay.

Okay, alright.

Good deal, good deal.

So what's been going on with you?

Are you, how, how far in the settled in are you at this point?

Uh, I'm already settled in.

It's been taking some time to get used to being home again.

Okay.

Are you going to get, um, your internet all hooked up again and shit?

Or what's going on with that?

Yeah, I'm waiting on internet connection.

Uh, Comcast was supposed to be out of here, but they never showed up.

Oh, fucking, you know what?

My, um, my internet's, my, my cable internet's being taken over by Comcast in the next few months and stuff.

Uh-huh.

And I'm hoping they don't do a bad job.

I've heard bad things about them in other parts of the country, so.

But I figure they can't be any worse than what I have now, so hopefully they're a little bit of an improvement.

Yeah.

You got to let me know how that goes for you, because I'll be a customer of theirs by force in a few months.

So hopefully that works out, dude.

All right.

So what else is going on with you, man?

You want to say, you've been missing around here.

You want to say hi to anybody in particular that may be out there wondering what good old Jonathan's been up to?

I just want to say hello to all my fans and listeners,

especially to KDK and all the rest of the PCU chat members and stuff like that.

Okay, okay.

You been drinking any pina coladas lately?

Oh, yeah.

I can't get one past you.

That's awesome.

Do you smoke any cigars, sir?

Are you a fan of tobacco smoke?

No, I don't smoke.

Good, good.

Good for you.

Good on you, man.

Don't do that.

Don't start.

Yeah.

All right.

I'm going to go ahead and let you go because it's costing me a minute.

All right.

Alright, well, I'm sorry to hear that, dude, and, um, you know, you can hear the show, if you're on dial-up, you can hear the show on the PCU stream, so be sure you try that, for sure, you know, if you have your computer set up and all that.

Okay.

Alright, man.

Alrighty.

Alright, well, keep in touch, and hopefully we'll see you back around here, you know, full power soon, bro.

Okay.

Alright, then, God bless you, sir.

Alright.

Bye-bye.

Wow, that was great. Hang on, I got, uh, cloned on the, uh, oh, no, I didn't meet you, dude.

All right, well, that's Jonathan.

It wouldn't be a show without Jonathan calling in.

We missed him last week, so there's Jonathan.

Clone, you with me still here, man?

You're quiet.

John, John.

Johnny, Johnny was a good man.

Johnny was a good man, and there he is.

Johnny was a bullfrog or something like that.

Jeremiah was a bullfrog, but Johnny was a good man,

and Johnny comes marching home again.

Man, he's going to be close to me.

I'm kind of worried.

But Johnny was being good.

I wonder what Jonathan looks like, man.

We should...

Athena, are we allowed to have Jonathan here?

I'm scared to ask.

Athena's like, yeah, she doesn't know what she's getting herself into.

Oh, yeah, sure, you're...

That's five wine...

That's five wine stock in there.

Are you serious?

It's not working?

Wow, that sucks.

Sure, let him come over, Carlito.

We'll have dinner.

Yeah.

The webcam is not working for us here, unfortunately.

I'm going to have to try it myself here.

Oh, fuck that.

Yeah, no, fuck it.

Hang on, let me try it myself.

See if I can get it to work on my end.

Which probably means this stream might skip for a little bit here.

Oh, look, it's coming up on the TV.

Awesome.

I have such a nice setup here.

I'm so proud of myself.

I'm getting depressed, man.

I can't find a job.

I don't get a call.

I got one call in the last, wow, in the last two weeks today for a temp position.

I turned it down.

The job market is crap right now.

Wow.

It really, really sucks right now.

So I don't know what I'm going to do.

I'm going to have to move to Texas or something, dude.

It is not good at all.

I am extremely worried.

Yeah.

But hey, you know what? Walmart

Starting tomorrow here in the state of Florida

Will have generic prescription drugs

For $4, you don't even need insurance

Oh yeah, yeah

You take any prescription drugs?

You do, right? You got a few meds that you're on, right?

Yeah, I take a few

That's good, that's good, hang on, let me see if I can get this

Sorry, there's a little delay

Yeah, it's probably because of the stupid

Webcam that I'm trying to open

And it's freezing everything up, so the show probably really sounds bad

Right now

Okay. Well, it's loading right now, so we'll see if it comes up.

Anywho, let's try the next call of the night.

We're going to try calling Walmart.

I'm going to call Walmart here.

We're going to try calling the Walgreens drugstore.

This is in Michigan.

We'll be right back with the next call of the night.

What's this?

Oh, sir. I was wondering if I could come down to get my prescription filled.

What time do you close?

Four hours a day.

What time is that?

Can I help you, sir?

Yeah, can you check to see if you have metformin in and Vieta, please?

The medication?

Metformin.

We have that.

What about Vieta?

Vieta?

Oh, yeah.

Yes, we have that.

You didn't ask me how many I needed.

We have it, sir.

Do you know what it is?

Is there anything else I can do for you?

You can answer my questions.

Yeah, what is your name?

My name is Ed.

Your date of birth?

June 18, 1942.

Have we filled prescriptions for you before?

No, I'm new in town. I need to know if you can fill my prescriptions or not, and I need a price. I don't have medical insurance.

What's the medication?

God damn it, metformin and bieta.

What strength?

5 microgram bieta and 1,000 milligram metformin.

How many metformin?

1,000 milligram.

How many tablets, sir?

I don't know. What do you got on hand?

Sir, how many tablets do you want?

30, I guess. I don't know.

How much?

Have a good day, sir.

Hello, sir.

Damn it.

You fucking asshole, man.

What an ass.

What a jerk.

I'm going to call back and complain about him.

Fucking pharmacist.

Who's your manager?

Oh, there you are.

I'm going to speak to the manager here, damn it.

Yeah, I'm sorry I took the Ed name, KDK, but I couldn't think of an old man's name at the last minute there.

Way to go, man.

I screwed up.

Fucking thief.

I know.

Fucking now I've got to give royalties to KDK for using the Ed name without permission.

Before we can shine through.

Mm-hmm.

Next thing you know, I'll be stealing KDK's ride.

Watch out if he has a Honda.

Yep.

Yeah, buddy.

Anyway, I'm gonna try to call him back, or at least complain to somebody about the way he treated me.

One moment, everybody.

Zero.

Oh, good call.

It's usually operator zero, though.

Yeah.

I don't know, man. You meant well.

Photo, help me, I help you.

Hello?

Photo, help me, I help you.

Sir, my name is Ed.

I was just speaking there on the phone to your pharmacist or whoever the hell you got answering the phone over there.

What's his name, please?

The pharmacist?

Yeah.

I'm not sure who's on duty.

Oh, he is?

Can we transfer you back over there?

No, I need to speak to the manager or whoever.

It was very rude of me.

Yeah.

He didn't even say please.

No, he didn't even say hold.

I'm not sure how I'm going to help you.

Who is this?

I'm not sure, sir.

Are you the manager?

Yes, who are you, sir?

My name is Ed.

Okay.

All right, look, let me tell you something.

I'm a Korean veteran, and I was speaking to the gentleman in the pharmacy there.

I just moved here to town, and he was very abrupt, and uncouth, and rude to me.

What was the price on my medicine, and he gave me the price on the metformin,

and he wouldn't give me the price on my injection.

Now, I need this injection tonight.

Okay, he didn't give you a price at all?

He was very rude to me, and he hung up.

Now, I want you to conference him on the phone and have him apologize.

Well, I have to confront him first, sir, so I'm not going to do it immediately.

Oh, you can't do it for me?

No, what I have to do, I have to talk to him and hear his side of the story.

And then I can apologize right now for being rude.

You weren't there.

You weren't there where I was in Korea, man.

Yeah, I know.

You know?

I understand, sir.

I really apologize for that.

You know what they did to my buddies?

Yes, sir.

They buried them with their hands sticking up out of the sand so they could wave to us when we had to surrender.

Gotcha.

That's how they did it, man. I got diabetes. You know what diabetes is? You know what it does to you?

Yep.

I'm in a wheelchair.

I hear you, sir.

A wheelchair.

I hear you.

The kind of treatment I didn't get as a POW I gotta take from some guy just because he's a pharmacist.

Yeah, that is absolutely true. Absolutely true. I really apologize.

Are you Mexican or something?

No. No.

You know, they pay me to kill Mexicans in Korea.

There you go.

Sir, I really apologize for that, and I'm going to make sure that it's not you, sir.

Oh, man!

Rattle? Death rattle before?

Okay, sir. What else can I do for you, sir? Because I've got to go. I have another customer waiting for me.

I need my medicine tonight.

Okay, so what? Are you going to come to the store?

What are you going to do? Are you going to come to the store for the medicine?

I need to know if you have it. If not, I've got to go down to the Walgreens. I know they're in the town.

Okay, what was the medicine?

Biota

Okay, let's do this

Is that your phone number?

5492628

I'm gonna check the medicine for you right now

I'm gonna tell you if we have it, okay?

Hold on

I feel bad for getting this guy in trouble

I got beer all over me during that death rattle

I wonder how long it'll take for him to come back

I don't wanna wait, but I gotta conclude this

Any second now, everybody

buddy well when in Rome yeah well the fantastic conclusion to this prank call

coming right up on madhouse radio it's the fucking pharmacy promise anything

forever the funny thing is I lost the boys have

what I told my son I shot Mexicans good poor guy he's probably Mexican okay sir

Sir, I have pricing for you.

We do have both medicines, and Vita costs $248.99 for $1.10.

No, I can't pay that.

And then Metformin costs $31.19 for 30 grams.

Call me a deal, man.

Come on.

I'm sorry?

Call me a deal, man.

Are you coming?

Yeah, I don't have that money.

I don't think we can give you this money.

What I can do for you, I can call.

Ambulance will take care of you. You want it?

Do you have, like, a veteran's discount?

No, we cannot...

Can I put it on layaway?

How much money are you making off of that?

I make money, sir, but this is...

It's not up to me. I'm not in charge of drugs.

How much you make in an hour?

I don't think it's relative to this situation.

What I can do for you, I can call...

I'm going to call Ambulance, sir.

I have your phone number.

I'm going to send Ambulance.

Alright, I feel much better now

Here

Yeah

I just had to take that shit

You know, I had to push that one out

Okay, do you want me to call the ambulance to you over there?

No, you got any toilet paper?

Toilet paper?

You got any toilet paper on sale?

No

You don't?

Not right now

I'm gonna wipe my ass

Did he hang up?

Yeah, he hung up

That was a weak ending to that

But hey, it was a prank call nonetheless, everybody

Hope you all enjoyed that

We tried

That was fun

It was pretty fun

Whoa

Music

music took too long but nonetheless it worked out thank you everybody who was on board for that

all right well 51 listeners right now thank you to all 51 of you who are listening and uh

anybody else who might be listening as well thank you kindly thank you thank you still no milkman

milkman hasn't arrived yet i assume he's still at work that's fine though he's gotta do what he's

gotta do i've been really itchy lately man it's weird every time i step out of the shower well

Well, here's the thing.

I'll take a shower, and something either in the shower or the soap that I'm using is making me itch like crazy.

I don't know.

Afraid of it.

Time to change soaps.

I think so.

We're going to have to see about that.

I'm going to have to do a test.

Maybe get some new soap.

But, yeah, I'm telling you, itching.

I had to put gold bond all over my body today because it was so bad.

I mean, I'm talking about some freaking cancer itches.

Man, it's bad.

So, anyway.

Yeah.

So, who can we call next?

Did you quit smoking?

Yeah.

New News wondering if I blocked my number.

Yes, I blocked my number.

The number he was repeating

Is not my phone number

That's a

That was a

The phone card number

So he does not have my number

Don't worry about that

I'm in control

I'm protected

Everything is okay

We good

We are cool

Um

Be on top of it

Yeah

Yeah man

We're gonna call

The Dunkin Donuts now

Home of Sam

The Donut Man

Here are

Dunkin Donuts

Oh my god

Calling him right now

Oh my god

We eat donuts

Very well

I don't know what to play

Music wise here

Um

Let me see here.

What can I play?

That Zoom was jamming, though.

Oh, the one from before?

Yeah.

Thank you.

We'll play a little bit of Dukes of Hazzard.

Answer the phone on Thursday.

Duncan?

Sam?

Sam, please.

Not here.

Who's speaking?

Don't lie to me.

We're Sam.

Bitch.

Fucking damn it.

That was a big one.

They're on us, damn it.

We're going to leave them alone for like a good few weeks.

Two or three weeks.

Yeah, at least a month.

We called last week that got angry at us.

That was in Australia, wasn't it?

it some lady said don't you're a big liar i don't remember oh no there was some lady he said don't

say god damn it to me or something like that you remember that bitch i think she was in australia

there was somebody else like that somebody said yeah i remember now i remember now there was some

place in australia holy shit who did i call last week something on australia was hilarious this

is hilarious beast me i don't know if i was here or not i don't know if you were yeah this we called

some place in australia it was some kind of arab food or something like that and um the lady

I said god damn it

And she got mad at me

And she says

Don't say god damn it to me

Damn it

Like that

Funny stuff

But I don't remember

Let me look into the archives

And maybe I can figure it out

If not then fuck it

And we won't do it

Alrighty

You guys have to deal with it

Tough luck

Everybody

Tough luck kids

Tough luck

Tough

Titty said the kitty

But the milk is still good

Hey I guess I'm

I've been waiting for the break

Yeah

Hey yeah

Clone we're gonna play

Yeah milk

Mint chocolate too

Yeah well hey

We're gonna play one of your

Prank calls on the break dude

Excited about that

We can play one now, as a matter of fact.

We can play one now.

Let me find it.

What did I do with it?

We can find it here.

We'll play one of Clone.

Clone, are you going to be doing a show anytime soon?

Is that what's going on?

Is that the rumor?

Yeah, I'm going to try that out.

See if it works out for me.

Okay.

Good deal.

Hopefully that does work out for you, dude.

Let's see here.

Doesn't know when, but...

Okay, we're going to play the pissy...

I'll let you guys know.

We're going to play the pissy and the AM call here this year.

All right.

Sure.

Make a call.

Dude, okay.

Let me explain to you guys.

You keep calling my house at 2 in the morning.

I think there's some sort of wrong something going on with you.

Hello?

Yes, sir.

Hello?

I'm at the front desk.

The front desk.

We're calling the fucking residence, man.

If you call again, I'll trace you.

What are you going to do?

You understand me?

What are you going to do?

Why do you have to get upset?

You're calling my fucking house.

Why are you getting upset?

It's my family, all right?

I'm just doing your 2 a.m. wake-up call.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Check your goddamn number.

Why don't you watch your fucking mouth?

What?

Not bad, dude.

Is that a black guy?

He's not a black.

I think that was a black guy.

That's a white dude.

Some hick.

Oh, yeah?

That's funny.

Are these people that you know through work that you're prank calling, or just random

victims?

Random people around the Metroplex.

Good.

Fuck the Metroplex.

That's what I say, man.

Fuck it right up.

It's black ass.

Yeah.

Fuck the masses.

Yes.

Killer P in the chat room is sending a number for a realtor by the name of Lisa, a co-worker

of his.

So we'll call that next.

I'll be honest with you, I didn't hear the lawyer prank call.

Is that good? Is that good to play?

Because I'm ready to play it here, but I haven't heard it yet.

I downloaded it, but didn't get a chance to play it.

It's long.

Okay. Is it funny?

It's like six minutes.

All right. It's good, though. You recommend playing it?

Yeah, it's another wake-up call.

Okay, good. We'll do it.

He gets pissed off. Does he yell? Does he say the N-word or anything?

The S-word? The C-word?

No, he threatens me with a restraining order and so-and-so.

Okay, I'm sold.

Hang on.

We'll play it.

Front desk, what are you?

The Hilton Atoll.

Atoll, what did you get a resident number to call?

Money in the mood?

This is 113, Craig.

No, no, you're calling a house.

House in Plano.

No, sir, this is 113.

No, it isn't.

House in Plano.

No, sir, this is 113.

No, it's a house in Plano.

You're calling any residents in a wake-up call.

Well, it's a 2.20 a.m. wake-up call.

A few days ago also, a 20 of 1 was not in 113.

Do you wait till my job is done here? Thank you very much. Have a great morning.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I just need to check your phone system.

You can call 1-800-HOUSE-IN-PLANO.

No, sir. Is this room 113?

No, it is not. It's a house in Plano.

Turning in a house to a resident from 972 in Plano.

Well, um, I'm just trying to do a...

The system's wrong. You need to take a look at it.

I'm just trying to do a 2-20 a.m. wake-up call, sir.

Well, but you're calling a house in Plano.

The system you have, when you enter the number to make a call to room 113,

He's somehow calling my house.

Yes, sir.

This is room 113.

Yes, sir.

God, this guy, this didn't interrupt.

This guy sounds annoying.

He sounds like freaking Thurston Howell III.

God, he's annoying.

He's a lawyer.

He's an annoying lawyer.

Sir, this is room 113.

No, this is the house in Plano.

I'm not at your hotel.

I'm not in your system.

You didn't have a 2.20 a.m. wake-up call?

No, no, no.

When someone needs a wake-up call at the hotel,

it's not for a house in Plano where people are asleep in the middle of the night.

But you're awake now.

You're awake now.

I didn't want to be.

I'm in the middle of the night.

I'm an attorney who's sound asleep and being awoken

a second time in five nights with calls like this.

Oh, you're an attorney, sir?

Yeah, I'm asleep in my residence.

I'm getting a call.

I need to talk to the manager.

I will call him in the morning.

Okay.

There's something.

Can I talk to whoever the manager on duty now?

Can I speak to him?

Just one second.

Hello?

Hey, doesn't he know you're there?

Yes, sir.

Some time you called a wake-up call to room 113.

Somehow your phone system is calling my house in Plano.

I'm not there.

I'd never leave a wake-up call.

But when your system dials from 113, it's ringing my residence in Plano in the middle of the night and awakening me.

Okay, sir, but our system is perfect here.

It's near perfect.

We never have any mistakes.

Well, it's near perfect.

Well, is that a threat?

If I need to get a restraining order against you, I will.

Oh, you're...

When you awaken somebody at a house in Plano who's not sitting at your hotel, something is clearly wrong.

Yes, sir. This is room 113.

No, this is a house in Plano. Do you understand me?

It's a residence. I'm not staying at your hotel. I'm 25 miles away.

Correct, sir. This is room 113.

No, this is a house in Plano. I am not staying at your hotel.

This is not room 113.

Something is wrong with your system.

Our system is near perfect, sir.

Your system is highly flawed. Do you understand me?

What part of you are we not comprehending?

No, sir, but you had a 2.20 a.m. wake-up call.

No, this is a house in Plano. I did not leave a wake-up call.

I am not staying in trouble.

What is wrong with this?

You cannot comprehend.

Second time in four or five nights, I've been awoken in the night.

Well, our records clearly show that you ordered a wake-up call from room 113.

Do you understand me?

This is not a room at your hotel.

It's a residence five miles away from you.

There's something wrong with your people who need to handle the phone,

who do your suit repair, need to take a look at that.

This is the second time this has happened.

This is not room 113.

This is not your hotel.

This is Plano, far, far, far side of Plano from you.

Um, room 113, correct, sir?

No, no, this is not in your hotel.

I am not at your hotel.

Why are we in a community?

Can I speak to the manager on duty?

You're speaking to him.

I'm telling you very bluntly, this is not hotel.

You dial room 113, you call a house in Plano.

Something is wrong with your phone system.

Well, that's pretty unlucky for you, sir.

And I'm a very annoyed person being awoken for the second time in four or five nights.

Room 113, correct?

Incorrect.

And we're having trouble here.

And I'm telling you, you're calling a residence in Plano and you dial room 113.

Yes, room 113.

No, not 113.

The house in Plano.

It's like I'm calling my son and I'm going to end up calling him at the Hilton in Cairo.

You don't understand.

Something is wrong with your system.

You dial room 113.

Yes, sir.

Room 113.

You dial room house in Plano, Texas.

Yes, sir.

Room 113.

That's great, man.

That's awesome fun.

Good work.

I love this shit.

That is some funny shit, dude.

Dude, that's awesome.

Yeah, you see, man?

Thank you, thank you.

See, that's a good prediction on what kind of show you could do.

As long as you got your technology.

You say you tested out the whole phone system and shit and it was working for you today and all that?

Yeah, it works.

Good.

We got you going, man.

Awesome.

So hopefully you'll be picking up a slot here sometime soon.

Very well done, man.

Yeah, I don't know what my time schedule would have to be to fucking work at 4 o'clock.

Yeah, we'll do an early show, man, because you're an hour ahead of the East Coast,

So you can start

You know

You can start at a

At a decent time

And start

You know

Go to sleep

Go until 11 o'clock

Your time

I'll figure it out

Yeah

Go until 11 o'clock

Your time

That's midnight our time

I usually end my show

Around 1230 anyway

So it's not a big deal

Yeah

Better than nothing dude

That's awesome

Good way to go

He didn't curse

Until the very end of it too

That's funny

You know this shit

Yeah

Funny

Funny stuff man

Funny stuff

Way to go

Way to be

Thank you

Yeah

Neo says that a guy

A guy at her work gave a number to his sister for a prank.

Her name is Becca, and she's an uptight, fat lesbo with a shaved head.

All right.

That's what I'm talking about.

Good looking.

All right.

Good deal.

All right.

And Lonesome Loser sent in that number for that Australian Middle East bakery is the name of it.

It is in Brunswick, Victoria, Australia.

You know what?

I can't call it.

Sweet Kisses says Milkman should be here in about 15.

Good.

Good. So Milkman will be home shortly. Awesome. Milkman will be here soon.

That was like ten minutes ago.

Okay, so in about five, well, by the time I guess his computer started up, he'll be here in like a half hour, so hey.

Yeah, we'll see.

Yeah, he'll be here in time for you to probably go to sleep, I bet.

That's, that's something, man. That's, that's some shit, though, waking up at four o'clock in the morning, man.

I don't envy you. I do not envy you, dude.

Yeah, it's, it's cool. I get up at one.

Yeah? Okay. Not bad. Not bad, not bad.

Um, okay, who am I gonna call here? We called the Dunkin' Donuts already.

Let me try to call this pastor that we talked to the other day.

I'm trying to remember what his damn name was.

Wasn't it like Dick something?

Dick Small?

Reverend Dick Chump?

It was something like that.

It was like Reverend Dick something or something like that.

I don't know.

I don't remember now.

It was Dick something or something Dick.

I really don't remember 100%, but I'll try to call him.

If I had an international phone card, I could call that Middle East bakery.

I might have one.

Let me look in the records here and see if I do.

You know, my wife gets pretty good rates with the international phone calls.

Even with the local fucking cards

That's good, man

That's good

See, you got that set up, too, for yourself

Awesome

Okay, let me see if there's any time left on this one international card

Oh, Lonesome Loser sent one in

Awesome, never mind

Thanks, Lonesome Loser, you're the man

You are the man

Okay

Milkman

Milkman's in

Milkman's in, everybody

Milkman made it

All right

Uh-huh

What's up, bro?

What are you saying, man?

Yeah

That's what we say

Working today, huh?

What's up, Milky?

Good deal

Yeah, man, I did

Yeah

Yeah.

I had to work overtime tonight, man.

Well, hey, it's better than not working at all.

You could be in my boat.

Well, I had to go over, and I was sampling cookies and drinking milk,

and Sweet Kisses had a bunch of extra cookies she needed sampled,

so I got held up, so I forgot about that, but they're really good.

Awesome.

Awesome, man.

Whatever it takes, man.

They get the money.

If you've got to sample milk and cookies and shit, that's the kind of job I want.

Hey, man, you can't eat that with a stick, boy.

Hell no.

Hey, we're going to call Australia.

Good hospitality, kid.

Yeah, clone could.

He could be...

You missed an awesome prank call.

You missed an awesome

cloned homegrown prank call, dude.

It was great.

Oh, shit.

Okay, you'll have to send it to me on the replay

then later.

Okay, yes, no problem.

It'll be on the archive.

I wasn't ready.

Okay, it'll be on the podcast.

Alright, I'm going to call Australia, Milkman and Clone. Hang on everybody, the next prank call tonight is coming right up.

Alright.

Hello, who is your name?

Sorry?

What is your name?

Who's speaking?

My name is Jack Masterson, what's your name?

Largo.

Largo? Is that with a T or an S?

Okay.

Because I need to write your name down.

Why?

Because I need to keep a log of all the women I talk to.

Just one second.

Okay. Hello?

Yeah, it's pretty much fake.

What the hell?

She didn't give me a chance to talk to her.

Fucking bitch.

Son of a bitch.

I was going somewhere with that.

Yeah, it's who am I talking to?

Holy shit, clone, you're frying bread.

Man, we got some serious bacon over there.

Yeah, clone's got a really...

Got the bacon, lettuce, tomato.

Clone's got a hot mic over there.

Some onion and extra mayo, please, there, clone.

Yeah, clone, yeah.

I got the munchies.

Yeah, give me some...

Yeah, something like that.

He's logging out.

He's going to log back in.

And hopefully we'll pick Clone back up in a second here.

Okay, how about some steak, bacon, and eggs then?

No, don't like that.

Green eggs and ham?

Maybe, maybe not.

I'm going to try to call them back in a little bit.

In the meantime, we have prank call requests.

We have prank call requests here that we need to call first.

Did you get to the one for Nunu?

Oh, Clone, your friend breaking again, dude.

Try unplugging your mic.

Oh, there he goes.

That's better.

Good work, Clone.

Clone fixed it.

How about that?

That's good.

Much better now.

Hey, thanks for that bacon sandwich.

That's pretty good, man.

He's good, man.

Man, I love bacon.

I'm all about it.

That's great munchie food.

Clone got some good munchie food, everybody.

Bacon and cheese noodles.

Okay.

We're going to call Lisa the Realtor, who is a co-worker of Killer Peas.

Clone, you're coming in like crap again, dude.

He's making a double-decker now.

I guess.

All right.

He's trying again to fix it, and we'll call Lisa, who takes offense to being old, but

she's a real hornbow.

All right.

That's what I'm talking about.

A milf.

Excellent.

We'll call that next.

Ah, yeah.

That's what Milkman said. Hang on everybody. Next prank call of the night is coming right up.

Oh man.

Lisa?

Lisa, what do you have on the market right now?

Who is this?

My name is Jack Masterson. I'm looking for like a handicap accessible home as soon as possible.

Okay.

I'm being kicked out of where I live right now. My wife is leaving me. I gotta find someone to get to as soon as possible.

I got $300,000 in cash out of SSI. How soon can you get me in a home?

You got $300,000 to spend?

Yes, cash.

Are you looking for a country property or?

Just something that's not in the ghetto.

Something that isn't in the ghetto?

I'm in a wheelchair, I weigh 428 pounds.

It's got to work, you know, it can't be in a second, can't be a second floor, it's got to be ground level.

Well, I have a property that is handicap accessible, but they're asking a little bit more than $300,000 for it.

But you might be able to get a real good buy.

And it is definitely a little bit more accessible.

Please, you've got to do something.

You know something on the market.

Come on, hook me up.

What can you do?

I'll tell you what.

Why don't you give me your phone number and I will call you tomorrow?

I'd rather not.

I don't like giving my numbers out to old people.

Jack scared her off.

That was pretty quick.

I'm going to call her right back.

Hang on.

Clone, you coming in yet?

Yeah.

We must have got disconnected.

Yeah.

All right, there.

There, Clone.

Well, now you're working just fine.

All right, hang on, everybody.

We're going to call her back.

Thanks for the bacon, Sam.

What's your name?

Sorry about that.

All right.

Oh, that was great, man.

That hit the spot.

Wasn't too loud, was he?

No, man.

It sounded really good.

Lisa, do you know it's illegal to refuse any service because of my handicap?

Well, I'm not refusing you any service,

but I was a little insulted when you said you wouldn't give me your phone number.

If you won't give me your phone number, I'm certainly not going to work with you.

It's nothing to do with being handicapped.

Well, according to what I got here, if you hang up the phone, that's refusal of service.

No, it isn't.

Have you?

I think this is a practical joke.

I'll tell you what.

If you'd like me to work with you, I'd be more than happy to do that.

Why don't you come down to my office?

Would you like to set up an appointment?

Yeah.

Just me and you alone.

Okay, what time?

Is it handicap accessible?

Yes, it is.

Do you have a ramp?

Do I what?

Do you have a ramp?

A lamp?

A ramp.

A ramp?

Yeah.

No, but you just need to get into our building.

I can't get in if you don't have a ramp.

Well, I'll tell you what, I'll meet you out in our parking lot.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

My wife left me for an older man.

Oh, wow.

I don't really care about your personal life.

If you'd like me to find you a home, why don't you tell me what time you'll be in our

office, and I will meet with you.

Do you want your name, sir?

I'll be like Jack Masterson.

What is it?

Jack Masterson.

Jack Masterson?

Yes.

Jack, what time would you like to meet?

6 a.m. good.

I know.

How about...

You're refusing service.

Listen to you making all the rules as we go.

Well, yeah.

I'm a very busy lady, and I, you know, usually I don't accept phone calls this late at night.

What are you busy with?

But I'll tell you what, Jack.

I'll meet you at our office tomorrow

I'm not

refusing your

services

so

I'll meet you tomorrow

at our office

you sound like

Stuart Azz

you sound like you got a hot little

you sound like you got a hot little ass on you

oh no

that is enough

oh that's enough

none of that now

good one man

it's hard to do that

But Andy says I've had a lot of practice of being fat and ill.

That's true.

I sure have.

I made a lifelong achievement of it so far.

Anyway.

So any ideas, ma'am?

What kind of prank call can we do next year?

Let me see what we got going on here.

24-hour locksmith.

Okay.

We'll try that.

You got your gimp locked in a box.

Yeah.

That's like a whole fiction.

Anyway, that's coming up right now.

Ma'am, how soon can you guys get out of here?

20 to 30 minutes.

that quick oh man what do you guys charge per mile and stuff what do you guys charge per mile

don't give me the runaround please per mile yeah um so this is a loxness company that's what i'm

looking for you're going to charge me to come out here per mile and stuff no we don't sir we just

charge the dispatch i'm the only dispatcher my job is to dispatch the technician to you

and he will further assist you with pricing

You know, the last, you know, what is the job that you need to be done?

Oh, I need a lock opened.

A lock opened, a lock to your home, or a lock to your car?

You know what? I need both.

You need both?

Yeah. I don't like the bait and switch.

The last time I got a technician out here, he started telling me how to pay him $100 for him to drive 10 miles.

No, sir, the technicians here do not charge by miles.

Well, his name is Rudy.

He's going to do by the work that's to be done.

His name is Rudy.

His name is Rudy?

Yeah.

The technician's name is Rudy, sir?

Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I don't know really the technician's name, but if you...

What are you, one of those women who works out of her home answering the phone?

Excuse me?

Are you one of those women who works out of the home answering the phone?

No, sir.

I'm one of those women that work in a dispatching office.

You know what?

The worst thing that happened in this country is they let women start voting.

Excuse me?

I said the worst thing that happened in this country is they started letting women vote.

Man, I'm coughing.

We got disconnected off real quick.

I guess so.

So, I was rude to her.

I said she shouldn't be able to vote.

They can't make good decisions.

Right, Athena?

She was rude to you.

Athena doesn't like voting at all.

She never votes.

What's the point, right?

Fucking voting.

Voting is for suckers.

All Athena votes.

She's a good little Democrat.

What's a ballot?

Yeah, a ballot, huh?

I don't even know who my governor is.

Oh, that's that thing you give to the Republic who's assigned for you.

Yeah.

Is that good, Ronald Reagan running again?

Killer P.

P. Killer P. said that he called a locksmith once and said that his keys were locked in his motorcycle.

That's a good idea.

Awesome.

Good idea, good idea, good idea.

Let's see here.

Who else can we call now?

We called Killer P.'s number.

Nice concept.

We're going to go ahead and clear out Killer P.'s number.

We can call Neil's number, the lesbian chick.

Yeah.

Named Becca.

Did you call Neely's number yet?

I've got a mask here, and I don't know if you called her or not.

Yeah, I did.

It didn't work.

She didn't answer the phone.

We called her.

What was that one?

I'm a piece of shit.

The very first number of the night we called was new night, and it didn't work.

Can you imagine that?

Typical MySpace dingy bitch.

Yeah.

Someone is requesting, Ari Auriok is requesting that we play the prank call, the websquad.com Tourette's.

I don't have that.

You'd have to ask KDK on Saturday for that.

Saturday is the only day, really, that he'd be able to.

I don't have the archives that KDK has.

He's the owner of the vault.

Oh, the prank call vault.

Not me.

Man, I'm coughing really bad tonight.

Holy shit.

I'm smoking a cigar, and a cheap one at that.

So, that's probably what's doing it.

That's why.

That's why, dude.

That's why.

Okie smokie stogie.

Yeah, man.

Okay, so let's call Little Evil Neil's request here.

Yeah, lesbian, bald woman who is uptight.

Aren't they all lesbian and bald and uptight?

Right back with the next call.

Hang on a second.

Yeah, Becca, please?

This is Becca.

Hey, Becca, what's going on?

Who's this?

My name is Ralph. I heard you're a lesbian.

You know what you need? A good dickin'. What do you think?

No.

How about I take my pants down in front of you, put a flashlight on and go,

Look at this, look at this, look at this, look at this, look at this.

No.

I can flop it and it hits my knees.

You tell me what a woman can do that I can't do.

Look at this, look at this, look at this.

You sound like you're like 30 and I want to know why you're calling people like that.

I'm actually 36 and I weigh 420 pounds.

Hey, guess what? Guess what?

You're a fag.

Look at this, look at this, look at this, look at this.

I don't know.

Is there any other lesbians I can talk to over there that I can convert over?

No.

Who else is there right now?

Your mom is over here.

She's over here.

Is that your old lady there in the background?

I know.

When did you decide to become a lesbian?

Was I in the end?

Were you too fat for the boys to talk to you, so you decided you could try to get other fat chicks with you?

I never really had a fat chick.

I don't know.

Well, that's what I'm saying.

You know, I mean, you couldn't get the men.

You couldn't attract the men because of your smell between your legs, so you decided to try to get women.

Are you fat?

Very much so.

And I have cancer.

I cough a lot.

Oh, that sucks.

Yeah, so come on.

Be honest with me.

Who molested you, or what is it that happened that you decided to pretend you're into chicks?

Okay, she's gone.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye, lesbian lady.

That dyke bitch is out selling WNFL tickets now.

Yes.

New news reminded me that on Sunday there is a telemarketer conference here in town

that we're going to be prank calling, I guess.

We're going to try to do a show on Sunday night.

If nobody else is on.

We are.

Great, man.

What time?

I don't know.

10 o'clock, 9 o'clock, Easter, and something like that.

If you guys are free, I don't know.

We should start early because that's the last night of the telemarketing conference.

No, it's the first night.

They're out.

Sunday?

Yeah, they're flying in Saturday night, and it starts on Sunday, actually.

Oh, okay.

Well, hell, start about 8 or 9.

Yeah, we'll do that.

Start ordering hookers and pizzas for everybody.

Yeah, clone if you can make it, man.

By all means, we'll try something new.

Yeah, we'll see, dude.

We'll do some wake-up calls and shit.

Yeah, for sure.

Most definitely we will have to try that

Maybe it'll be a repeat of last year's action

At the telemarketers conference

Which was probably the best show ever heard

On PCU history

I agree

That is a famous one

That is a famous famous show

That was before clones time wasn't it

Yeah dude that's a legendary show

I know he wasn't around but I don't know if he was a listener then

I don't know

I probably missed it though I was listening

Okay well hey we'll see what happens man

Stay tuned

Carlito, can you send me a message either on PM or in AIM, please?

Yeah, I'll send you a test.

Testes, testes, one, two, three.

Testicles, testicles.

Testes, testes, one, two, three, Milkman.

Left, right, cough.

There it is.

Turn your head.

There it is.

All right, well, I need to take a break.

I've got to take care of some porcelain business.

It's a little early for a break, I understand.

Break or one night.

But we'll come back for more show.

Here's what we'll do.

we'll do uh we'll do uh this other uh lonesome now i keep confusing you with lonesome loser today

dude i'm sorry uh we'll do let's let's play this call here first this is another clone's call it's

a long name this is a wake-up call too hello ma'am this is front desk your 145 wake-up call

this is the front desk i'm richie with your 145 wake-up call you had a 145 wake-up call well it's

It's 1.45, are you not awake?

This is Ritchie with the front desk.

No, you are calling a house, you're not calling your room.

Uh, you sure this isn't room 113?

This is a house.

You're not fooling me, are you?

No, I'm not.

Well, were you asleep?

Yeah, what time is it? 1.45, yeah, I would say so.

You were asleep, but you're awake now?

Yeah.

Then my job is done here. Have a good day, ma'am.

Excuse me?

You're not getting this, this is not a joke.

You have not called your room.

This is room 113, right?

No, it is not.

You had a 1.45 wake-up call?

No.

Okay, ma'am.

This is not joking time, okay?

I'm not joking time.

It's 1.45 a.m.

It's not time to joke around.

You suck.

That's funny.

Too much, man.

Too much.

Hey, look in your e-talk.

I got a special request.

Let's see.

Drunken and druggie driver needs a wake-up call.

Really?

What?

Yeah.

Who's sending this in?

I relayed that to you.

that was a special request okay all right well i'll try a clone homegrown style call then and

then we'll take a break so excuse me well okay she's a drunken and druggie driver so you don't

have to be a wake-up call but whatever you want to hit it with but she needs to be you know she

needs to be lit up a little bit okay let's do it now calling it right away 1-800 you know

calling about my driving ah yes okay milk fucking marijuana coming from the windows

Speak with Debbie, please.

Calling.

Jack, Jack Masterson.

Hold on just a second.

Whatever.

Hello?

Hey, Debbie?

Yeah.

Debbie Mansfield?

Yeah.

I'm calling with the Department of Motor Vehicles.

How are you?

Fine.

Good.

We need you to come in tomorrow for a driver's assessment, please.

We've received a few complaints on your license plate.

We pulled them, and we need you to come in to fill out a driver assessment in order to retain driving privileges by the state.

For my what now?

Your driving privileges are in danger of being revoked.

We need you to come in for an alternate driver's assessment tomorrow morning, 8 o'clock.

For what?

My driver's license?

Well, your driving privileges are going to be revoked unless you can come in tomorrow and pass your driver's assessment.

I haven't had any problems with my driver's license.

Well, the thing is, we're actually going to be drawing blood for an alcohol and abusive substance test.

Is this legit?

Yes, it is.

I'm Jack Masterson with the Department of Motor Vehicles.

You've had three complaints within the last 72 hours.

Three complaints of what?

Of reckless driving.

No, not me. You got the wrong one.

Well, you know, according to this, if you don't pass this test, we're going to be drawing blood,

and you have to do the written test.

If you fail, you're going to lose your driving...

Where was I cited for reckless driving?

I'm not allowed to give that information until you come in tomorrow.

Where was I? This doesn't sound legitimate to me,

so I'll just contact the state representative or somebody and have them investigate it.

He can't help you.

I'm not going to have to call at, no, 10 minutes to 12.

You can call your lawyer.

You can call your pastor.

It doesn't matter.

But if you don't come in tomorrow, you better not be driving.

Where was I reckless driving at?

Down the highway.

The interstate.

Interstate, Maine.

Where?

We got you on camera also.

Where is my license number?

Ma'am, I can't get that out over the phone.

You know that.

You know what?

You may be a mass murderer or anybody else.

You just don't have to take me to court to do what you got to do.

What's the big deal?

At 10 minutes to 12 tonight, you're going to call me and you're Jack Masterson

and you can't tell me what I'm doing.

You were down I-70 and I-0, man.

We have you on, you were tracked by the cameras at the intersections.

In what kind of car?

I don't have the color of your car.

I don't have time to do that.

I drive a school bus, so was it on my job or in my car?

It was a yellow bus.

No, and you know what?

You got me wrong, man, because I don't use interstate on my run.

Oh, really?

No, I don't.

Well, not according to this information here.

Not on the interstate.

I'm not on the interstate in my bus.

My route is in the city streets.

Let me ask you a question.

Would you pass a drug test if we were to ask you to do that right now?

Oh, yes.

I don't do drugs, and I do do alcohol.

And, you know, you can call Winston Hospital and IU Hospital where I am treated.

Well, that's not what your pastor says.

What pastor?

Your pastor of the church and your parole officer.

I ain't got no pastor, no parole officer.

I tell you, you got the wrong Deborah Mansfield.

God damn it, woman, don't you talk to me like that.

Well, God damn it, don't you call my house no more.

And you better not let me find out who you are, you crazy-ass something.

You better get off the phone, because I'm going to call the real damn police.

Firecracker right there, man.

I'll tell you what.

That's too much.

Not bad, not bad.

Great call, Carlito.

Thank you.

I try to do what I can, everybody.

That was pretty funny, actually.

That's right.

Yeah.

Carlito, making a difference in the world every night on the Madhouse.

Thank you.

So she's a drug user?

Is that confirmed, everybody?

Milkman, rather?

Is that confirmed?

She's a confirmed drug and drunken driver.

What a cunt.

And she admits that she used it in the school bus, you see.

I guess.

Whatever, man.

What a cunt.

What?

What a cunt.

All right.

I'm going to have to keep that number per Nunu.

That was very awesome.

Whoever sends that in, you Milkman, give them my thanks.

I definitely will, man.

That keeps me in the private message here.

Thank you so much, our listener.

We love you.

Thank you, freaking listener.

That was Baby Puppycat that sent that one in.

Baby Puppycat.

Way to go, Baby Puppycat.

All right, Baby Puppycat.

Hey, now.

All right, we're going to take our break.

Clone, are you going to hang around, or do you have to go take your nappy time?

Yeah, I'll hang around.

All right, good, good.

So we're going to be back in about five minutes, everybody.

In the meantime.

Yeah, clone, go the mile.

In the meantime, if you want to reach us, madhouselive.com is the website.

Madhouse Radio on AOL Instant Messenger and Madhouse PC Radio on Yahoo Instant Messenger.

And the toll-free line is open, 1-888-278-8509.

So let us know what's up.

We'll be right back after this.

It's now 1148.

We'll be back in about five minutes.

Listen to Madhouse Live, October the 5th.

Madhouse Radio, we'll be back right after this.

Play of Madhouse Radio.

No, you're not having no, you know, sex with me.

Yes, I am. You're going to like it, too, but no, you're not.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

And we're back.

See you, bitch. Later, fucker.

Yes, that's how we said it, man.

We haven't talked to him in a while.

We're not allowed to talk to him.

That's right.

His mom says...

His mom said we're not allowed to talk to him, man.

I like that a few minutes.

He's getting 30 feet off now.

Probably.

We got to change our show just so we can talk to him.

He's just playing with the guys.

All right, so, yeah, we're doing a pretty good show today, I think.

Not bad at all.

Not bad, folks.

That's all right.

Right on, man.

We on fire.

Carrillo's on fire, everybody.

And it's in real good numbers.

Not bad.

All right, so what can we do now?

Let's see.

We got more pranks to do, that's for sure.

Milkman, anything you want to discuss?

You didn't catch our pre-show, you know, our beginning of the show banter.

Anything you want to talk about in the news that's been going on real quick while you got a chance?

Oh, well, I'd like to recognize Congressman Foley

and note that he has a relative that we put in our chat room

and that he's carrying on the same tradition.

Yes, Sonona's prank master.

Man, Congressman Foley, that's some shit.

He was working for the Rath Company, and then he moved on up into Congress

because there was, you know, even better selection there.

Well, you know, Milkman, I talked about this earlier, and the word coming out now is that it's a conspiracy.

Apparently, that's the spin that's being reported by the media at this time.

And I have your paper that I will read off, and we'll make a judgment on whether or not we think it's...

Oh, cool.

We'll make a judgment on whether or not we think it's...

Yeah, get me up to speed, man.

All right, so this is Congressman Foley. Here's what we got.

All right.

Fake news. Right here in the madhouse.

Supposedly they're fingering Democrats

Ha ha I get it

Accused associates of former president

Bill Clinton

Liberal billionaire George Soros

And the role of the media

Apparently

Speaker Dennis Hastert

Is struggling to keep his job

In the face of an inferior

He's got his ass down his old ass

I'm trying to find

Hang on Milkman

Actually I don't see any

I'm trying to find any substance to this news article here that it's a conspiracy or that it's a lie.

But I don't see anything that really talks about it.

They're just talking about people who might.

That's a freaking Republican shill.

I don't buy it.

I don't buy it, everybody.

Not for a dollar.

Guilty.

He's guilty.

He's guilty of sin.

That's for sure.

Okay, well, let's continue with the shill.

Isn't that one of the ten deadly sins?

What?

Isn't that one of the ten deadly sins?

Coveting a young boy's ash.

Something up there.

Coveting something.

A neighbor's ass.

Who's under 18, probably.

Yeah, somewhere in there.

It's sick.

It's up there.

You guys don't like them, them pedos.

Um, sure.

Okay.

Let me, uh, let me call this, uh...

That was my good house in prison.

Let me call the Coward Church of God here real quick.

See if I can get his, uh, spin on the whole issue.

Hang on, folks.

Get the whole block taken.

Next prank call tonight is coming right now.

Yay!

Gosh, watch the madhouse.

Hey, get on the bus.

Pastor, can we, can we, can we speak?

Zeke, I'm not feeling well.

I think I'm at the end of my line.

My health is declining.

I can't find a job.

And I need someone to lead me in prayer.

And I come to you in the name of God.

Please help me, Pastor.

Are you eating?

What's that?

Are you eating?

I'm not eating.

Where do you live at?

Do you live around here?

I lost my job.

I live in a car now.

In a car?

Yeah.

Where are you at?

Where are you located?

Down south of over here, close to Scranton.

And I'm just on the outskirts now.

I don't know technically.

like the unincorporated area of the county, but I've been kind of saying that there's a rest stop

here in town, you know the one off the interstate? I lost you off the interstate, where at? The rest

stop, the rest stop, I've been living there for the last week. What job was you doing before? Woodworking,

I was a carpenter, I was a carpenter like Jesus, and lost my job, I messed up a chair, the guy sat

down on the chair, the chair collapsed, he tried to accuse me of it, I called him a bunch of bad

words, I told him to go fuck himself, I told him he was a piece of shit, I told him he was an

asshole, and I got fired. It's not fair, man. It's not fair. I want you to pray with me

now. I command you to pray. Hey, asshole, look, I pay your salary and my taxes, so you

pray when I say. You go run and get your Bible, and we'll pray right now. You do what I tell

you. What is your problem? What? You don't tell me nothing. You know what? I'm relying

line where I can see who it is that called you,

called me on a private line. I'm calling you from a pay

phone, stupid. But I do tell you,

you may play with man, you don't play with God.

God sees you, God knows you.

You can call me what you want to call me, that's fine.

My friend, there'll be a day.

Yeah, well, you know what? Jesus was having

a conversation with me yesterday, as a matter of fact,

and he said that you've been doing some stuff

that he's not too proud of either.

Who hasn't been doing too much stuff he's proud of?

Jesus. Like what? Well,

you were looking at that

stuff on the internet and the computer and

in the television?

No, sir.

You ain't, uh,

not this old boy.

Well, you hate somebody,

don't you?

No, sir.

Oh, you hate somebody.

Who do you hate?

Tell me who you hate.

Listen,

I'm man enough

not to hang up on you.

Do you hate Osama bin Laden?

No, I don't hate

Osama bin Laden.

All right,

so you like him then?

I don't like him.

He's an evil, evil man.

I love the man so,

but I don't like

the things that he does.

You love Osama bin Laden?

I love his soul.

You are so un-American.

Huh.

Well, the thing is,

Huh.

Christ loves Osama bin Laden.

He was a son of a bitch.

What did you say?

Christ was a son of a bitch?

Let me tell you what the Bible says about blasphemy, sir.

You don't have to listen.

Let me teach you.

Go open your Bible to Corinthians 12, 13 right now.

You tell me what you see there.

I knew plenty of the words.

Listen, this is it.

I'm through with this conversation.

I'm through with you.

You have a good night.

You go to hell.

And he said he wasn't going to hang up on you.

I feel bad now.

That was a bad prank call.

That took a bad turn.

And I feel bad.

I feel bad.

I feel like a sinner

No honestly

You shouldn't man

He's trying to put

The guilt trip on you

And over a year

Of prank calling

That I've been doing

That's the first prank call

That I feel bad that I did

Athena do you agree

Yeah

Let's eat

No seriously

I mean I can have a conscience

And I don't feel good at all

I haven't done that prank call

Because it made fun of God

And I'm a Christian man

And yeah

So

What can I do

I took a big shit

I can do that

You can go to church

Yeah I'll go to church

It'll be all good

I'll just go to church

which I'll absolve myself and all that.

It's all good, man.

It's all good.

There you go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Next up on online here.

What can we do next?

Here we go.

Frank.

Well, obviously we're going to.

Let's see here.

The locker room.

A lady named Debbie answered at 1131.

We will call the locker room next.

Hey, Debbie, what's up?

I heard the locker room stinks.

I heard you people stink like sweat socks and trash and beef and cheese.

I see.

Yeah, what do you got to say about that?

I've heard wrong.

Well, I'm jaded.

I tried to get a job down there, and you guys refused me for a job.

I want to know why.

Because of the hiring decisions, you would have to talk to the boss.

Well, who does?

The boss?

The boss does.

What's his name?

Her name is Shannon.

Oh, that's what the problem is right there.

Yeah?

Yeah.

So come on, make the decision.

Come on, take the buck.

Why don't you give me some hours?

You got something I can do down there?

Unfortunately, I don't make that decision.

Let me go down there and smell your hair.

No, I'm thinking not so much.

Can I pull it?

No.

Come on.

Can I do something to you?

No, you can't.

Can I put beer over your, you know, your things?

Can I douse you with beer?

No.

Is there someone there who would be interested in me maybe putting water on them?

No, probably not.

You didn't ask, woman.

Come on, ask.

So.

Don't you dare.

Bye.

Don't you dare.

Damn it.

That was a weak prank call.

We're losing steam already.

Don't you dare.

We're losing steam here in a hurry.

The second half of the show always, you know, it always ends up like.

But what can you do?

Tears out.

Yeah, let's call Manny's El Loco number three.

This is in California, and imagine that a Mexican woman answered there.

That's always good for morale around here.

Wow.

Yeah.

We'll call that next.

What happened with the food, man?

What do you want?

What happened with the food, man?

Hey, son of a bitch, man.

No luck, everybody.

No luck here.

We're getting shut out.

I got a stomachache for sure, man.

That food sucked.

It did suck.

I don't know.

We're going to try one more.

Any ideas you have, Milkman?

Any more numbers coming in from your secret lover over there?

No?

That was the last one I had on the private messages from Baby Puppy Cat.

Oh, man.

Okay, all right, well, I'm going to try to call, I'm going to try to call that.

I will try to call the 7-Eleven in Compton.

Hey, you ought to try and call back our old favorite buddy.

Who?

See if her son's going to answer.

Oh, no, no, we already called that.

You weren't here for that.

Mary Menzies.

Oh, Mary Menzies?

No, no, no, we don't want to bother her.

Okay.

Poor old lady, man.

You know, we bother her enough.

We don't bother her anymore.

Her husband or her son or something got really pissed off at me last night.

Hang on.

We're calling 7-Eleven in Compton.

Man, where's your gas pump at, man?

Where's your freaking gas pump at, man?

What are you talking about?

Your gas pump, man.

You know your gas pump?

Where is it?

What's calling?

Man, Ralph.

Tough little John.

God, you know what?

That's it.

I'm done.

The mark of a true champion is no one to quit.

Yeah, he's a shit.

I'm out of here, man.

Call some of the classic Lonesome Loser numbers.

That's as classic as they come.

We're going to say goodbye to Clone.

I'm cloned.

Thank you.

Have a good day at work tomorrow.

Peace out, fellas.

Smoke weed every day.

All right, man.

That's it.

That's right.

Yes.

Bye, cloned.

And thank you.

Milkman.

Peace out.

Milkman, we're going to wrap it up here.

Unless you want to talk for a little bit.

I'm not doing any more prank calls because we're out of prank call juice.

And I'm thinking I'm getting ready to end for the night, you know?

You want to take us out of here real quick, man?

Yeah.

Give us our sign off.

Okay.

Well, I'd like to give a big shout out to everybody out there, especially Mr. Madman.

And who runs our chat room, give us this wonderful service over here.

We call the IRC chat room PCU, a boxing ring where you can smash somebody in the mouth,

knock their teeth out, and come back and shake hands later once your band's lifted.

Thank you also to Neo for being our actual Nazi in the chat room.

Also, I'd like to thank the earball fancies all around this planet here,

the crazy stylings of the matter.

Thank you so much, Dr. Lego.

And I especially like to give a big shout-out and thank you, KDK, our sponsor, our mentor, and the man I call PCU.

God bless KDK, everyone.

We love you, our mentor and cerebral of the prank world.

Thanks so much, KDK, for giving us a chance.

Also, I'd like to thank the Lonesome Loser, the hardest-working man in PCU.

you. God loves the Lonesome Loser because without him there would be no glue to hold

this great. Thank you, Lonesome Loser.

First of all, I'd like to thank our leader, our El Presidente, our El Guapo right here

in the madhouse, Carlito, our fine leader there. He leads us throughout the night of

prank calls into a new day of humor. Thank you so much for giving me a chance and every

Every week, providing your services at your cost for these people out here we love, our listeners, because it's all about you.

We love all of you listeners out there, and it's all about you, and we do this just for you.

Thank you so much.

Yeah.

And come and join us again.

We've got some great shows this week coming up.

I'm sure there's going to be a great episode here.

Hopefully, there's a lot of you in there talking about doing a special prank episode this week to call the telemarketers out there.

So don't miss out.

right here on this fat channel also i'd like to thank sweet kisses thanks a lot for all the

cookies that was fantastic and the milk was great also thank you so much we love both of you milk

was great i get it yeah man and oh thanks for the bacon sandwich i like that i like to give a big

shout out to richard thanks a lot richard and i'll turn it back off here and thank you and happy

birthday dina yeah and thanks a lot about booty puppy cat for that last number that was great

Right, belated happy birthday.

Well, thanks to everybody who called in and all that stuff.

Thank you, everybody in the chat room.

KDK will be on.

Well, first of all, Zolar, in theory, will be on tomorrow at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Saturday, we'll have KDK on at 10 p.m. Eastern as well with his lunatic fringe.

10 p.m. Eastern, Saturday, KDK himself.

Be sure to catch that.

Sunday night, we're going to try to do a prank call show here as well

to the Telemarketers Conference.

conference we'll probably be starting that around nine or ten eastern so it just beats be tuned

be tuned sunday night and we'll do a show uh monday night dr lego will do a show at 9 p.m

eastern standard time more than likely yay mental discrepancies follow tuesday night by either

neo little evil neo or someone else there you go someone will do a show tuesday i bet and yeah

little evil neo's got a show on everybody and she's supposed to get her phone hooked up so

So this is going to be a new venture for PCU.

And I'm very excited and happy to say that we've got another host here.

And I'm looking forward to seeing you call.

Thank you so much.

Right.

We really love you.

And what else?

That's it.

And Wednesday is the Cycle Babble.

So you're looking at a show just about every night this week.

So, like I said, be tuned.

Yep.

And if the Monkey Phone retards ever come back on, you know, they're here for a good show, too.

Okay.

All right.

Well, hey, yeah, they do a show every once in a while, too.

so catch that

thanks to everybody

who called in

which is one person only

Jonathan

thanks for calling in

he can't even hear us

but thank you

and thank you for

everybody who sent in

numbers

little evil Neo

what about the crazy

fucker

did he call in tonight

no

didn't call in tonight

he's probably

going to call in

after the show's over

because he usually

calls really late

but sorry

yeah

other than that

thanks to everybody

in the chat room

thanks to everybody

who sent in numbers

I think he's on

that man of show

it's too fast

wine cooler tonight

mad dog 440

whatever the hell

it's called

I don't know

I think I'll play

since I'm ending early

I think I'll play

a Phil Henry bit

which everybody seems to like

we'll play a

Phil Henry

bit here

let me see if I can find something

I don't know what to play at all

let's see what I got here

that I can play

you've got a good selection

I do

I have a lot of his shit here dude

and they're funny as hell

Psycho Christian Lady

you've got quite a good

collection there

a podcast you're starting to obtain

damn

and I'm really excited

about that actually

look at Carlito man

Man, the podcast meister.

You go, bro.

I try.

That's it for the night.

Carlito, is it true that you're providing all the podcasts now for PCU?

Yes, that's right.

So if some of our dedicated listeners out there have to work

or maybe go to retirement home to see their grandma,

that they can tune in somewhere,

where can they find the podcast you're providing for us?

That's over at, well, KDK has it at kdkprankcalls.com and pcuradio.com.

That's the PCU podcast.

podcast the prank cast i like to call it yeah and then of course the madhouse podcast is uh

madhouse live.com the madhouse live.com podcast this show tonight will be on uh yeah on our link

so there it is everybody there it is uh and yeah like you said thanks to man thanks to everybody

real quick lonesome loser madman uh kdk everybody in the chat room like i said already a thousand

times everybody who showed up we love y'all and we're gonna end the show catch us here next week

as well as sunday night thanks milkman take care of yourself buddy don't work too hard thanks a lot

peace out brother bye baby kisses sweet kisses and baby puppy cat all three of you

we don't give that out how do i know that you're not gonna exactly how do i know because you know

what we're not even online right now you listen to me dinner what are you a vampire excuse me

You're a bum.

You people are bums.

It's 5.30.

You know what, asshole?

Look, bitch.

Don't try and tell me that I owe you money.

I'm an attorney.

Ma'am?

Yes?

I have gas?

Listen.

Well, you owe me $5 for breaking the toilet.

Breaking the toilet?

What toilet?

Tell me where it is, bitch.

The white toilet.

I told you already.

My name is Bo Steen.

I ain't took the nothing because I didn't break nothing.

I don't use anybody's toilet.

You came down, you used the toilet, you took a big shit, and I...

I took a big shit.

Yes.

And it wasn't me, pal.

It was not me.

You got the wrong guy.

Why don't you tell me in your own words?

Be honest.

Sure.

The Russians are upset.

We're trying to keep them at peace, all right?

What did they do?

I need you to tell me everything.

I did not do anything.

Basically, what you're telling me...

We could start a war over this.

Oh, God.

You know, the judges, I don't know what they're going to think.

What did they do?

Am I in trouble?

Well, yes.

What did they do, sir?

You just violated international law.

I really don't know anything about that, sir.

Well, that's, that's, well, ignorance of the law is no excuse. I mean, that's...

What did I do?

I mean, we're all gonna get our hand released, you know? I mean...

I provide clothes for individuals that come in and buy them from you.

Underslave labor.

Pretty embroidery.

Underslave labor.

No, I don't have any slave labor, sir.

Then why do you call this workshop?

You know what? I don't have time for your bullshit.

Yeah, you son of a bitch, you motherfucking...

You're out of time to speak, buddy.

What the fuck do you want?

I'm never calling, man.

First of all, um...

Why don't you shut the hell, why don't you shut the hell up?

You, fuck you, fucking piece of shit!

Please, Andrew, call yourself.

We'll see you out, man.

There's no one that cuts me.

My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious.

I want your heart, I want to eat your children.

Pray be to Allah!

Go back to Africa.

Fuck off.

No, you're not having no animal sex with me.

Yes, I am.

You're going to like it, too.

No, you're not.

It's going to be just like when your cousin was in town.

What cousin?

Your cousin. Your cousin, girlfriend, mother, sister, wife.

You can go to hell, Steve.

You can go to hell, you damn Republican.

Who is this?

Bo Thiem.

I don't give a damn. I don't know Bo Thiem.

Look boy, I'm gonna have sex with you.

Don't call me no boy. I ain't no boy.

Let me talk to her while I stroke my cock.

No.

Please, I want this so bad.

Be male and smell her panties.

No.

Or your panties.

Go smell her panties while we talk to you.

Who the hell is this?

I hear a fucking rat in the background. Who is this?

Let me talk to your hot sister.

Fuck you.

Call it 10.

How old are you?

13.

Yeah, fucking right.

You sound like you're fucking 18 or 19.

I'm 13, I said.

You are a sick fuck.

Come on, let me talk to your sister, man.

Be a pal.

No.

Have you ever seen your sister naked?

No.

Fuck you.

Fuck.

You're not on my fucking street, you fucking fat ass that fucking broke my fucking car.

Yeah, that's right.

Look, man, I don't know what you be talking about.

Say what I'm talking about, because I fucking recognize your goddamn number.

Okay, look, I'm innocent.

I'm innocent.

You're innocent?

I'm innocent.

And my shit got broken throwing out of my fucking car.

Nah, I don't know.

We fucking stopped you and my fucking CD player was in your fucking dashboard.

Hello.

Aloha.

How you guys doing, man?

Staying in Hulu.

Out for steak.

You know what I'm saying?

And, uh, yeah.

Can you bring a chicken?

I bring a chicken for delivery.

What the fuck?

Eight to the K, yo.

Eight to the KS.

What?

We don't have a...

Yo, just dip a wing in your pocket and run it up to me.

Yeah, but I'm only one over here.

I cannot, uh, drop a chicken on you.

We would give you a couple hundred dollars, though.

Show me your dick, motherfucker.

You have pussy, motherfucker.

Are you asking me out?

Just come over here.

Are you asking me out?

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it, you know?

Tell me, tell me.

Oh, okay, motherfucker.

Do you know who's your daddy?

No.

Do you know how many guys fucked your mom before you came?

No.

Oh, that's good.

Tell me.

How many guys fucked her before you came?

Tell me, tell me.

Are you happy now?

Yeah, I am.

That's good, that's good.

Are you happy?

I'm happy, yeah, with your mom, yeah.

I fuck your mom.

Yeah, I'm happy.

It's a white man that don't wanna hear from no goddamn niggas calling me in the fucking middle of the night.

Listen, listen boy.

Listen boy.

Call a boy, I'll show you a boy with a 12-gauge shotgun, motherfucker.

Listen, cracker.

He's gonna add three letters.

Listen here, cracker.

He's got like, honky.

You nigger motherfucker.

Hey, do you have enough room for me?

I weigh about 428 pounds.

I can't understand a word you're saying.

I weigh about 428 pounds.

Hey, Carlito, man, after listening to you, dude, I can't listen to normal radio, man,

because it sounds like a bunch of fucking retards.

You guys are the fucking greatest radio station in the United States of America and around the world.

Now, I understand that you're even going to Australia and the U.K. and all that shit, right?

Yeah, we're all over the place, man.

All right, dude, that's good, because you just keep evolving and growing, dude.

All right, love, peace, and joy to all living sentient beings on the planet Earth, man.

Here and elsewhere, man.

Everywhere, man.

Everywhere, God bless you, sir.

Love you, man.

I love you.

All right, whatever.

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up, or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Be sure to visit us online at madhousewise.com.

Calls (15, 56 min of 1 h 48 min)

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