2006-10-19 Show

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up

or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Hi, everybody.

Hey.

I don't have anything to smoke tonight, Vena.

I have no cigar.

Oh, no.

Will you get my cigar from my car?

I have a cigar.

Black and mild.

You want to get my black and mild for me?

Oh, come on.

No?

Okay.

Hurry up.

No, you don't have to go now.

You don't have to.

I don't know.

It would be nice.

In a little bit.

Yeah, right.

You're just going to let me forget, and you're not going to do it.

Yeah.

Hey, everybody.

Good evening.

Madhouse Radio is on the air.

Matt's going to take a shit, and we are here.

Milkman is here as well.

I was hoping Milkman would show up.

Milkman, domino champion himself.

Say what's up to the ladies, all your fans.

What's up, ladies?

What's up, people?

All my friends out there, PCU land, man.

I just got to ask, kick and show for y'all to get your good numbers out, pop them up, and send them in.

because we're going to call everybody you know.

That's the plan.

That's right, everybody.

And, of course, we also have Clone Homegrown

living the American dream.

Checking in as well from Texas.

Hi, everyone.

How you doing, Clone?

I just want to thank God.

You're thanking God, that's it?

You're not going to even thank your wife

or anything like that?

Smoke weed every day.

She bitched me out today.

Eh, I don't know how that feels.

I don't know what that's like.

Really, what'd you do?

Get a job, yada, yada, yada.

Oh, that stuff, yeah.

They're always the ones that say get a job.

Does she work?

we'll see her work no no see you see what i mean blasphemy man all these women they shouldn't be

able to talk don't have a job athena has a job damn tricks yeah athena just walked off i'm kidding

she didn't she doesn't care she knows she knows women are lazy so yeah we're here everybody mad

house radio it's uh 10 20 p.m eastern we're starting a little late tonight um the chat room

is up the toll-free line will be up as well later tonight we'll get that number out momentarily

In the meantime, you want to visit MadHouseLive.com in order to figure out how to join the chat room and how to get a hold of us.

Again, that's MadHouseLive.com.

Our AOL Instant Messenger contact name is MadHouseRadio.

Yahoo Messenger, MadHousePCURadio.

And MSN Messenger is MadHousePCURadio at Hotmail.com.

That's how you get a hold of us.

The chat room is also open.

You can visit PCURadio.com to join that.

You can also visit KDKPrankCalls.com.

You can also visit MadHouseLive.com for the appropriate link and or links to the chat room.

Milkman, as always, will attempt to tell everybody how to connect using an IRC client.

Go ahead, Milkman.

Actually, tonight I'm using PCU.lazy-net.de.

Lazy.dashnet.de?

pcu.lazy-net.de.

Oh, he got it.

All right.

And what's that channel?

I don't know what's going on.

Madman Servers, I think, is down.

I've been trying to get in a couple of his.

So I'm just logging in through PCU server tonight.

The one at Gang Green got set up for us.

Thumbs up to Gang Green.

All right.

Okay.

All right.

Well, shit.

I don't know.

Thumbs up to Gang Green, yeah, for hooking us up with that emergency temporary server

here that we're using tonight.

I know Madman's in Florida right now, so he's far away from his home base,

so I don't know his ability right now to fix stuff.

What else is going on?

The chat room, there's some weird stuff happening in the chat room.

You know what?

I might not even acknowledge the chat room tonight

because nobody's behaving there apparently.

We've got people impersonating KDK and people being banned for stuff.

I don't know what's going on.

I don't know.

You guys.

Is that KDK or not?

I don't know.

I'm not about to find out.

Let Neil handle it.

But let Neil sort it, because I'm busy.

I'm doing a show.

Lonesome Loser, who is going by Funky Cold Medina tonight,

who I may add, I thank very much for helping me out with the phone card situation we had tonight earlier.

He is sending in numbers, which are confirmed.

Thank you, as always, Lonesome Loser.

You're a great man.

Hard-working man.

Hardest working man piece of you.

Yes, that's right.

And he's a gentleman and a scholar.

He has sent in a liquor store by the name of Jeannie's.

We also have, and we already talked about this earlier,

Women's Rights to Pimp.

And he says that the guy who answered was a little fucked up when he answered there.

This is in California, a location called Women's Rights to Pimp.

Fair enough.

We also have Pimp Life Records.

We also have Dirty Dozen Strippers.

And we have a redneck woman who answered at a place called Chuckles in Tennessee.

Chuckles in Tennessee, everybody.

So we have some stuff we can do.

um kdk says some ice asswipe came in and registered his name and we need to change that okay i don't

know i don't know whatever's going on here there's just there's some shit going on in the chat room

everybody behave or i'll i'll cut you all off i'll ban everybody tonight in the chat room all right

no yes don't make me do it uh what else anything going on in your lives milkman you had a computer

scare you had lightning hit your pc and is that what happened uh to you yesterday or the day

before what was it now yeah basically i had a static discharge um lightning hit over on the

mountain here close to me it's the weirdest thing you know i don't know what happened man it's like

i've got a usb connector hooked up to my sound pipe this is a 300 sound pipe man this thing

cost a serious bucks and static got into the usb cord and burnt the cord and burnt the unit up

didn't touch the computer or anything else just smoked the uh downpipe hardware so wow that's

coming at least i'm back going to old well it's a close call for sure though man you know i mean

it could have been worse could have been a lot worse it could be computerless right now you know

you could have lost your motherboard or something exactly or your hard drive you know so so thank

god for that all right that's good cloned what news do you have thank you and bless jesus we

haven't been on in two weeks what's been going on with you are you jobless now yeah i'm jobless

but i had a call just a while ago uh with the company new from norway norway and and it's

possibly 50 an hour doing what uh phone stuff or electrician stuff selling shit selling shit okay

well 50 an hour that sounds good they called you back awesome man is it a done deal uh you have a

final interview or something or are you hired at this point uh i got i gotta call him back tomorrow

I want to talk to somebody.

Okay, good, good.

Well, good luck with that, man.

I hope everything works out fine for you in that.

That's awesome.

I have been working for the last week myself for my new job, my tech support position.

I don't know where that's going to take me, but that's what I'm doing now,

so we'll see where it goes, everybody.

Wish me luck with that.

Milkman has a bad ankle, I understand.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Very sorry to hear that, Milkman.

I hope everything works out.

I'll tell you what.

I've been cruising around here in my Rascal scooter.

Thank goodness that I was a representative and a spokesman for Rascal Scooter for so many years.

It's come in really handy.

Jesus, man.

So Milkman broke a ladder.

He got on the ladder and it broke.

And he hurt his foot on it.

And that's exactly what he gets, some people said.

No, I don't mean that.

But Milkman, I told you, you have to practice rice.

rice you know that's the saying it's uh what is rice uh it's uh repetitive ice compression and

elevation or something like that i don't know you gotta you gotta put ice on that bad boy you know

what i mean but uh get well soon man fix it i've got i've got a couple waist bandages on it right

now man yeah i gotta get some icy hot i got a brace too you gotta get some icy hot on there

and you gotta drink some robitussin that's exactly that's my prescription juice on it

Pussy Juice, too.

Yeah, get Kitty over there.

What's up with Kitty?

How's your cat doing?

We haven't heard Kitty in a long time.

I miss your cat.

Me, Kay, she's been good.

She's been good.

She's been ornery and stuff and getting in everything as normal.

That's me, Kay, for everybody.

And that's Cat Talk on PCU.

And there we are.

We have, right now, 42 listeners listening on the Madhouse Radio Network.

I'd like to thank all of you tonight for joining us.

And we'll see just how late we'll go.

I'll let you know ahead of time that I am very tired.

I'm running on caffeine as we speak.

I don't know how long I can stay awake.

And I don't know how animated I'm going to be tonight.

So I will try everything I can to give you guys a show.

If it doesn't work, I apologize.

And we'll have to call it.

But nonetheless, we'll try to do a show.

Okay, Nunu has sent in a number.

Nunu has sent in a number, everybody.

Everybody, Nunu has said here, let's see, a taxi company, I guess this is in Britain

though, a Muslim driver, I read this article, a Muslim driver refused to take a blind passenger

because he is Muslim and thinks dogs are dirty.

I guess he had one of those guide dogs with him and he refused to take a blind passenger

because her guide dog was unclean.

Well, that's pretty rude.

Wow.

All right.

That's sick.

Islamic tradition warns Muslims against contact with dogs because they are seen as impure.

Huh, I didn't know that.

I didn't know Muslims don't have dogs.

What's next?

I don't know.

Yeah, they always have an excuse.

You know, Muslims are just lazy.

That's all it is.

Probably a lazy guy.

On AOL Instant Messenger, no, this is on Yahoo Messenger,

we have a submission for a number, Little Caesars Pizza.

I don't know where it is, but it's a Little Caesars,

and he says there's a lady named Donna who works there,

and she's lazy and she doesn't do anything but to hurry up and call

because they close in a half hour.

So, okay, we'll have to call that for sure.

Okay.

Most Def is asking for a good quote for his senior project.

Any ideas, guys?

A good quote for his senior project.

What's the project?

I don't know.

Most Def, let us know what your project is on,

and we'll see if we can contribute you with a quote.

Lord Spoon is coming in with breaking news,

And I already read this this morning.

This happened earlier this morning, I believe.

A stingray jumped onto a bow, stabbed a man in the chest.

He was 81 years old.

That was in Florida.

So apparently we are under attack by stingrays, everybody, so watch out.

He did survive.

I read about this.

Yeah, 81 years old, stabbed in the chest, and he survived.

So that tells you what.

Steve Irwin was a pussy.

Exactly, an 81-year-old kicked Steve Irwin's ass.

Um, a scientist were able to cloak a cylinder about five inches across.

I have no idea what that means.

And the Spanish king denies shooting a drunk bear.

Okay, well, that's breaking news from Lord Spoon, everybody.

Yeah, what a hoot.

I don't know what the hell a drunk bear would be doing and why he'd be getting shot,

but apparently bears should not drink.

Um, help, okay, the warrior says that this Little Caesars is in Ohio.

Okay, how about a city?

city warrior and i'll call that next for you um what else we got milkman you got the number also

you said right that's from the warrior you said you're confirming yeah yeah yeah it's a warrior

okay gotcha gotcha we'll get a city from warrior and we'll call that uh in the meantime i want to

go ahead and call women's rights to pimp this is in california where a guy who sounded fucked up

answered recently about 20 minutes ago let's see if he answers now that would be the plan

First prank call of the night is coming right now

Right back after this

Crank it

Hello?

Yeah, how you doing? Is this the women's right to pimp?

I mean, you gotta look in your face like you're pissed off

Huh?

My name, Cleavis Johnson

I'm calling about these women's rights to pimp

Hold on

Okay

Who there? How are you, sir?

Hello?

Yeah

Hello, sir, is this women's rights to pimp?

What?

I'm looking for women's rights to pimp.

Okay, I'm calling about women's rights to pimp.

Are you aware of this, sir?

Okay, well, my name is Cleotis Washington, and I myself am a pimp here in town in Arcadia.

And we are calling around to see if you would be liking to support women's rights to pimp.

No, I don't understand.

Do you know what a woman is?

Do you have a woman there?

Do you know what rights are?

You know how you have the right to walk down the street?

Do you think women should have the right to own another woman and to sell her body for sexual favors?

I don't want the understanding.

What I say, sir, is do you think women should have the right to sell other women for sexual favors?

Sir, please stop stomping on the floor.

You're bothering my friend, Dave.

Okay, then.

Okay.

All right.

Am I audible?

I don't want any...

Oh, there we go.

Now you can hear me.

Okay, anyway, so that was an interesting first prank.

Cloned is obviously in trouble with his wife again for not taking out the trash.

We had to mute him because he's fighting.

Let's see.

Killer P is sending in the information.

Remember that lady, Lisa, that we called?

She was like a 40-year-old slut realtor.

I think I accused her of being old and she got upset.

He's following up with that with some more.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, hang on here.

Here is another 40-ish divorced man-hater realtor.

She is desperate for a man.

Okay.

And she's behind.

Her name is Deb.

Okay.

We have her number.

We might give her a call as well.

What else is going on here?

In the chat room.

Let me turn the music back on here.

In the chat room, apparently KDK's upstairs neighbor is upset at him for making noise.

You heard this story, wasn't it?

Like two weeks ago, KDK said that he actually called the cops on him or something like that.

That's some shit.

Oh, no.

I missed that.

Yeah, I guess his upstairs neighbor was complaining about noise because KDK had the TV on too loud.

So the cops came and KDK closed the door on a cop's face and swung back to watching TV.

And the cops stayed out there knocking on the window with his flashlight or something like that for a while.

I'm like, that's balls.

Good for KDK.

Well, apparently he's complaining again or something.

Let me see.

He's stomping on the floor.

He told me I needed to be quieter at night the other day in the parking lot.

Look at that.

I'm a bastard.

He's a damn Asian, man.

I'm telling you.

Sorry, Milkman.

No offense, but there you go.

So we'll try to find his phone number, maybe.

I don't like Asians either.

Yeah, right.

You're half Japanese or something.

No, man.

I'm Negro.

Yeah, right.

I'm black and black.

Let's see here.

Okay.

Hey, Trav, man.

Okay.

The warrior is telling me again that we need to go.

Hey, I got the information.

That is Whitehall.

Whitehall, Ohio.

Like a rich burb right inside of Columbus.

Oh, cool.

Cool, yeah, Reclutestown.

All right, awesome.

Good deal.

Good.

That's close to Reclut.

Right there, right in Reclutown.

Reclutown.

Okay, cool.

We'll call that next, Warrior.

We're going to call your Little Caesars.

Stand by.

Fuck that.

I ain't giving a fuck.

I don't think that one's going to happen.

Sorry.

It didn't sound like it anyway.

No, it didn't sound like it at all.

Sorry.

Sorry, Warrior.

Little Caesars.

That's right.

Man, I need a new headset.

The boom mic on this doesn't even stand up anymore.

Huh.

Mic.

Okay.

Okay, let's see if I can bend it right.

There we go.

That's a little better.

Here we go.

Woo-hoo!

Yeah, it's working.

Okay, so, Milkman, you're sending in a number here for a Charlie Patton,

a hypochondriac in a different disease every week.

It says his cancer is down in his kidneys now.

Last week it was in his throat.

He only has four to six months to live.

Jesus Christ, why would you want to do that?

What's wrong with you?

Where'd you get this from?

Hey, this guy is telling a different story every week.

He's been dying now for years.

Okay, so he doesn't have cancer.

Two of them.

He's been dying for years, really.

It's always something.

That's funny.

Yeah, it's always something, man.

It's one of those deals, man.

Okay, all right.

Lord Spoon is sending in a number for a black guy who tries to act ghetto.

His house is on a street in Alabama that's surrounded by cotton fields,

and everybody that lives there is black.

Okay, apparently they did not get the note.

This loser's been dying for two years now.

Okay, what's your source?

Are you allowed to divulge your source on this guy?

I came in for baby puppy cat.

Okay, okay.

What's a hypochondriac?

That's the one that sent us the number for Debra.

What exactly is a hypochondriac?

That's a person that pretends like they're sick.

They always, like, want attention, and they got a new disease, get more attention,

and it is here or whatever.

They manipulate people with these fake illnesses.

Ah, okay.

Kind of like Prankmaster.

I got you.

I understand.

No problem.

Yeah, kind of like, definitely.

Kind of like, definitely.

Understood, sir.

understood okay um let's give him a call see what happens um killer p seems to think he found

um this gentleman that we're looking for uh kdk's upstairs neighbor uh but for some reason the name

fortunato zapata does not sound like someone who would be an asian guy that seems pretty mexican

to me so looks like you might want to keep trying could be uh philippine nunu says that's keith's

It's a real name.

That's kind of funny.

I like that.

Good touch there, Nunu.

Good touch.

Okay.

Milkman, what kind of music you're in the mood for?

Make a request here.

Milkman, I'll give you a song.

Yeah, man.

Play me some blues.

Okay, blues.

Play the blues?

No, I don't have any blues.

How about some...

Play some Parliament, man.

George Clinton.

Okay.

Parliament, George Clinton.

What the fuck is that?

You guys are misbehaving.

Me and my harmonica.

Wow, man.

That's a ghetto-ass harmonica.

Okay, here comes Jungle Boogie.

All right.

There you go.

Yeah.

Hello, my child.

Is this Mr. Patton?

Please.

My child, is this Mr. Patton, please, my child?

Yes, it is.

Hi, my name is Father McCourtis.

How are you?

Fine, thank you very much.

God bless you, sir.

The best I can be.

I understand.

One of the sisters here told us to maybe give you a call.

It says you only have a little bit of time left to live,

and we wanted to know if we could do anything for you.

Yes, that's true.

I've got cancer all over me.

All over you?

It's in my left lung.

It's in your lung now?

Yeah, my left lung.

I have it down here that it's in your...

It's in my left lung, my kidney.

My left lung, it started in my left lung.

Uh-huh.

And it went up to my neck and my left.

It's in your kidney now?

Oh, Lord Jesus.

So how long have you had this now, my son?

Well, a year.

I'd say a year last March.

It's going on two years now.

Okay.

Okay. What have you done? Have you seen the doctor? What has he said?

Well, he doesn't want my family's decision.

He does not want to give me a definite date because he's a Christian, you know.

And I said, Doc, I've got to know something.

He says, well, between three to six months or maybe a year.

Okay, so it could be as soon as four to six months and as late as a year that you could pass away to the light.

Do you want to stay?

See, the way I deal with it, I can't deal with it straight on.

The way I deal with it is being happy, keeping people happy around me,

knowing that the good Lord will take me home.

I say I'm to honor for the devil, and God's not ready for me yet.

And, you know, I've got to cut up about it because straight head on I can't deal with it.

Now, what caused this? Do you know? Did you work around pesticides or something?

I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.

Did you work around pesticides? What exactly caused this cancer?

A severe headache. I get severe headaches and, I mean, a lot of pain, but I just leave it in God's hands.

You leave it in God's hands?

Yeah.

Well, you know, God only helps those who help themselves.

I know it. I do help myself.

But I was here...

I am trying to help myself. That's why. And I try to keep people happy around me.

You know, I meet no strangers, you know, and I don't pray for myself or others.

You should pray for yourself. I'll tell you, my child, I was praying for myself here with the Bible and it fell from my hands.

And that is a horrible sign, but it opened on the scripture and the TV turned on and I had a vision of calling you, my child.

And I think the good Lord has put you in my hands and I'm ready to heal thee.

Well, I hope and pray so, because I tell you, whoever told you must really know me,

because that's what we do.

We pray for each other.

It's just that the sister here at the parish said that I should call you,

and we had a divine inspiration.

Do you want to be healed now?

Can we pray for you real quickly over the phone?

I promise it will not take much of your time.

Oh, good Lord, the heavens, yes.

Okay.

Do you have a cordless phone?

Yes, I do.

Excellent.

Excellent. We're going to go into the bathroom, and I need you to draw a bath, put some water in the bathtub, and we're going to make some holy water.

Okay. Give me a second.

Okay.

Take me a minute to get in there.

Of course.

Because every time I take a step, I get pain shooting up.

Pain shooting?

Yeah, pain shooting up in my neck.

Oh, your neck?

My head.

Oh, Lord. We'll see what I can do.

Okay.

Go ahead and turn the shower and don't make it too cold, not too hot.

Halfway in between.

Okay.

Can you put the phone a little closer to it so I can get close to it, please?

Why?

Okay.

Can you, I need you to, when I say so, I need you to put the, I need you to put your right hand out towards the water.

Are you ready to pray, my son?

Okay.

Okay, I need you to say very loud, in the name of God and Lord Jesus.

I can't hear you.

I need you to say, in the name of God and Lord Jesus.

In the name of the Lord God, in the name of Jesus.

You're saying it wrong.

In the name of the Lord God, Jesus.

I make this water holy.

Now, splash your hand in the water.

Okay.

Okay, now go ahead and stand in the shower.

Yes.

Okay, are you standing in the shower?

No, I'm by the bathtub.

I mean, not the tub, but the sink, because my shower has got a chair and stuff in it, and I'm still dressed.

Dressed.

I got...

Okay, so here's what we're going to do.

I need you to take the phone and throw it into the shower, but do not go in with it, but just put it inside the water.

Phone?

Yes.

Okay.

Is the water on?

Hello,

sir.

Chad, come back.

I'm here.

Okay, is there any water in the tub?

Yeah, there's more.

No, you need to fill it up.

Okay, what is the phone exactly now?

It's right in the center.

In the center?

Yes.

In the center of what?

Of the bathtub?

The wash basin.

Okay, and how much water is in there?

Uh, it's up to the top.

Up to the top?

Okay, what I'm telling you is to put the phone inside the tub with the waters.

Put the phone inside the water.

Yes, do not go inside, but just...

No, no, no, no.

It is holy water.

It won't do anything.

Put the phone in the water.

Okay.

Here it goes.

Okay.

I think he just fucked his phone up.

You get it?

some people just oh man oh shit he did throw it in there though that's funny are you sure that

guy isn't dying man i'm going to hell yeah you've had so many different fake

hypochondriac diseases and tears oh well the more i just he just he just threw his phone

Is Coral's phone in the tub full of water?

Dude, that's going to be funny.

You should have heard in a long time.

Oh, man.

Sweet Kissy says that he's been telling her that he's dying for two years now.

I don't know.

Maybe he is.

I don't know.

Man, I feel bad.

I really hope he is a hypochondriac or whatever that is.

Maybe the doctors were just wrong.

Whatever.

Yeah, he's just lucky.

Still connected?

Is it still connected?

No, no.

Hang on.

Let me check again.

No, no.

It's gone.

It's disconnected.

I can try calling him back.

Let me try calling him back.

Hang on.

Yeah, you have to call him back a little bit later.

Yeah.

I'm going to try right now to see what happens.

Hang on.

Let me see if he answers now.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

If he answers, tell him to dry the phone off.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

That's hilarious.

Carlito, you're a master, dude.

This phone is so fucked

He's like, okay, here it goes

I was hoping it'd make more noise than that

It just clicked off

There's a nigga trying to kill me

Hello, sir

What happened to the phone?

Are you feeling any better yet?

You feeling better?

I hear you now

Are you feeling better yet?

I feel better, yeah, but I just can't figure out what's better.

I mean, my hand section went dead on me.

Oh, no, that's the power of Jesus came through the phone.

We sacrificed the phone, but...

I've done exactly what you said, and I believe.

Okay.

I believed in the leap of faith.

Great. Well, good.

Well, look, make sure that you take the phone out of there.

It's out.

It's out? Okay.

Well, good.

Good. I'm glad you feel better.

Yes, sir.

Okay, you're going to come down to the parish tomorrow?

Which one? The one where Sister Kay goes to, my nurse?

Yes.

Oh, yeah, I would love to.

If I could get up there.

If it's not cold out, I can ride my chair up there.

Well, great. I was hoping, you know, we could maybe get a donation.

Okay, I'll do everything.

Now, you have on the hill, what section, I mean, what street is it on, please?

You need to come down.

You need to make a check out to Our Lady of Cholesterol.

I'm sorry.

I did not hear that.

You want to write down.

You want to make the money order or check out to Our Lady of Cholesterol.

Right.

Our Lady of Cholesterol.

Okay.

Thank you.

Okay, sir.

God bless you.

Jesus loves you.

Oh, my God.

I don't know where that's going anyway.

Yeah, he just feels better.

I don't know.

That's probably a very bad thing I've done.

I really think he's generally sick.

Dude, this guy has been faking it for years.

Trust me, man.

Whatever.

Who's he seeing?

He got some attention, and that's why he feels better.

Yeah.

And MST3 Clay in the chatroom says, you know, the way he was saying,

I don't understand, maybe putting it in the water was what did it.

Yeah, that's exactly what it is, old man.

Man, that would cure Cupid putting your phone in the water.

That's funny.

Yeah.

Anyway, Killer P says...

This is the holy waters of the madhouse.

Killer P says he owns a rental homes and he had a hypochondriac woman thinking Radon was

killing her in the house as she stood there bitching him out, smoking cheap-ass cigarettes.

Well, imagine that.

Wow.

Sweet Kiss has said that he has had three open-heart surgeries in the last two years.

Well, why?

He's claimed that, right?

right? But hasn't had surgery at all?

Yeah, he's claiming that.

He keeps claiming that he has

open heart surgery and he doesn't have any open heart surgery

at all. What an ass.

Alright, well that was

fun. Thank you, Sweet Kisses and Milkman

for that.

Yay! Sweet Kisses!

Very well done. We love you.

Very well played.

Let's see what else we got here. We have

Gangrene is sending in a number for a gentleman

by the name of Tom, who is a

Democrat freak. He weighs

He's 450 pounds.

Wow.

Jack Masterson on the horn.

Yeah, Jack Masterson right there.

Wow, man.

Jack Masterson only weighs 428 pounds.

He lost weight.

He used to weigh 482, and he went down to 428.

Tell him you're a Republican and you want to wrestle him.

Yeah, that's it.

Okay, good.

Good deal.

We'll do that.

He says to tell him I'm calling for support on a constitutional amendment to allow Bush to run a third term.

He hates religion, and he's for gay marriage.

Okay.

Wow.

That's something, man.

Okay.

We'll call him next.

Get a song over here to play.

I guess this.

We'll be right back with the next prime call, everybody.

Sorry about the wait.

Speak with Tom, please.

Jack Masterson, how you doing?

Hey, we're calling for support for a constitutional amendment

to allow President George W. Bush to run a third term.

I was wondering if you...

Barry? Huh?

Barry?

No.

Who's this?

John Masterson.

John Masterson, sir.

Okay.

Would you read this, sir? Can we possibly get your sign on this petition?

That's freaking crazy. If this isn't Barry and this is somebody who's being serious, you should check yourself into a mental hospital.

Well, George W. Bush has pledged to help us out, us obese members of America. I weigh 428 pounds, sir.

Doug, you can suck a turd out my ass.

Is it a 450-pound turd?

Probably, most frown, most definitely.

Yeah? Is that how much you weigh?

How fat are you?

Probably about 80 pounds.

You weigh 80 pounds?

I don't know.

You shit 80 pounds?

Yeah.

Did you ever break a toilet seat?

I have.

Yeah.

Really?

I have five of them.

Yeah?

It's a daily thing.

I mean, when you weigh 900 pounds, well, it's probably 500 pounds now.

I understand your mama likes some fat. That's why she's on my nuts all night.

Yeah. It's too bad my mom died already, though.

Yeah, she just died sucking on my balls.

No, she got crushed by your fat ass.

Yeah, probably.

You were on top of her and you slipped.

Yeah.

You crushed her.

It was actually my massive testicles crushing her.

Sir, do you understand I have about six weeks to live?

Really? That's probably too long.

I lost three legs to diabetes already.

Yeah?

Yeah.

So come on, are you for our president or not?

I'm for him quitting.

He's running for a third term.

I wish he'd run out of the country.

Would you say with me, I, I, Jack Masterson, say it.

No way, dude.

I'm saying shit.

I, Jack Masterson, do solemnly swear that President Bush is the greatest president since Richard Nixon.

Say it.

Say I, Jack Masterson.

No, dude. You have lost your mind.

You're trying to make a prank call, probably.

I've lost my mind for Jesus and for George Bush.

Yeah. Real men love Jesus in the ass.

Sir, don't you love Jesus?

In the butthole every night.

That's wrong. You know, that's why you weigh 450 pounds.

I know.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You got a huge hairy bug up your ass.

No, not really.

You know what I did tonight? I cured a man...

Oh, you ate a whole lot.

No, I cured a man of cancer.

You did what?

I cured a man of cancer.

Pretty impressive.

Yeah.

You did that? Why are you talking to me?

I ate his tumor, you know, and then I have him, he threw his cordless phone into a tub.

Yeah?

Yeah, it was funny.

Are you afraid that you're going to lose one of your legs one day?

No.

What kind of, what kind of, what kind of guard do you drive?

Hello, sir?

I don't see how that's germane to this conversation.

Because if you're a Democrat, you're not supposed to drive a car that uses a lot of gas.

Well, that's good then, because I'm not a Democrat.

What are you, Republican?

I'm the man that choked your mother to death with his 900 pound testicle.

Your 900 pound testicle?

Yeah.

I told you already, you're an asshole.

Yeah?

You know that? You're an asshole.

I know, I know, I've heard that before.

I'll have to go over there and hit you with my shoe.

Well, if you're up to it, come do it.

Alright, where you at, boy?

boy? I'm choking your dad to death with my right testicle, bitch. You have a right...

I heard you lost one of your testicles already anyway. I have a right and a left. I heard

you got barbecue sauce on your penis and you ate it like it was a hot dog because you thought

it was a hot dog. Now, do you think an 800-pound man... I don't think anything. That's awesome.

I don't think it. Yeah. I'll tell you what I think. What do you think? I don't think

it. Okay. Okay? Do you know that you can possibly end up with pneumonia because you

Do you get so much fluid in your lungs from sleeping?

It's possible.

I heard that you went to a restaurant, and you get all the food in the restaurant,

and they had to close the restaurant.

Yeah, you probably have bad sources.

No.

You must advise the Bush administration.

The restaurant guy who told me.

Yeah, which restaurant was that?

China Buffet King.

China King Buffet.

You're smooth, aren't you?

King China Buffet.

Is this like a practice prank call?

Because I've had better prank calls from, like, amateurs.

I'm a professional prank caller.

Yeah, that's, well, maybe tonight's not your night.

Well, you know what?

In the time I've been talking to the phone, I've made more money than you have all week.

Maybe.

Yeah.

Well, I guess if we don't count your SSI you get from the government because you're so fat.

Funny.

How much money do you get from SSI?

What is SSI?

Supplemental Support Income.

I wouldn't know what that is, but I don't get any.

You're on SSI.

You know you are.

You're so fat.

No.

Do you drive a pickup truck?

No.

Do you wear a muumuu?

No.

Do you shop at the Big and Tall?

I do.

When you go to a restaurant, you can't sit in a booth?

You have to get one of those, you have to sit at one of those tables that has the chairs that come out?

I can sit at a booth or a table that has chairs that come out.

You can't sit in a booth?

Okay, sure, I can't sit at the booth.

Do you never have, you've never had the problem where you can't sit in the booth?

Never.

Uh, yeah, when I was in China, maybe.

In China?

You get a lot of China men, do you ever go to the fair?

Do they ever look at you when you try to get on the rides or stuff like that?

I don't go to the fair.

Because you can't, right?

Yeah, I'm perfectly able.

Do you fly?

Yeah, I fly.

Do you fly?

Do you like on an airplane or like?

Yeah, I fly on an airplane.

Well, I know, but what airline do you take?

Whatever airline gets me where I'm going for the best price.

You ever fly Southwest?

Yeah.

Did they ever make you, they call you a passenger of size, right?

No.

No?

They don't make you buy a second plane ticket?

No.

What airline is the best if you had to buy two plane tickets at once to fly?

Whatever one had the cheapest, I'm guessing.

So you definitely don't fly Southwest, right?

I've flown it one time.

Really?

One time?

Yeah.

Did you get bad looks from the person who sat next to you?

No.

No?

You never have?

No, because it was your mom.

I told you, my mom died in a plane accident in 1972.

Yeah?

Because you got on the plane.

The plane was in the air already.

When you sat down on the plane, it fell down and it crashed.

That's not really funny.

The whole plane collapsed and all that was left was you inside your chair all around it.

Yeah, that wasn't funny.

Yeah it is

It's funny

You need help

It's not funny man

Maybe because

It's not funny

Overweight people

Don't know what humor is

You need to practice

I think a lot of

Overweight people

Know what humor is

When people are talking

Like privately

When you walk in a room

Do you think

They're always assuming

They're talking about you

No

I have news for you

That friend of yours

He put me up to this

Yeah

Probably Chris

Yeah it was Chris

Yeah

He's an asshole though

He's kind of an asshole

Sometimes

Yeah

He's funny though

He said it'd be funny, but I feel really bad now, you know?

Are you the guy that was on Howard Stern that fucked a tranny?

Yeah, that's me.

Oh, my God.

I'm Dave. How you doing?

Pretty good, man.

All right. Look, man, you know, I feel bad because, honestly, my mom, she's dying of cancer right now.

You kind of brought it up. It's really fucked up, dude, you know?

Yeah, that's kind of fucked up, but, you know.

Yeah.

I mean, you have to, if you're going to prank call people, you've got to be ready to roll with it.

I'm sorry. That was something.

So what do you think of what I did? Would you try it?

Try what?

For enough money?

For enough hamburgers?

Fuck on the tranny?

Would you?

You know what?

I don't think I would have done that.

No?

Well, tell you what.

Do you want to come down to the Howard Stern Show with me?

Not really.

They're offering $5,000.

For what?

You have to kiss Artie Lang.

Do you know who Artie Lang is?

Did you say Artie?

Artie Lang, yes.

Isn't that the guy on the show?

Yes, that's the guy on the show.

They want him to kiss a man, an overweight man, and they sit up on you, anybody,

and then Chris told me to give you a call, see if you do it.

The thing is, I don't...

I'm not, I don't really look that overweight.

I mean, Chris and I probably look about as overweight.

If he was my height, he'd probably be about as overweight as I am.

Well, you're on, I'm supposed to tell you you're on the air right now on Sirius.

Well, that's good.

Hey, everybody on Sirius Radio.

So, Sirius, would you be interested in coming down?

We'll fly you up to New York.

I'm not really interested in that.

For $5,000, that's not enough.

He's got to kiss a man, what, for $5,000.

You know how many hamburgers and stuff you can buy with that?

Come on, buddy.

Yeah, $5,000 isn't enough, especially when it's going to be played over and over again.

I mean, off of that event, people are going to make lots of money.

I need more.

What about $10,000 and an SUV?

$10,000 sounds like enough to pull some kind of crazy prank on a show.

Would you kiss, man?

You're thinking about it a lot, aren't you?

For $10,000?

Mm-hmm.

It depends on where the kiss is going to be placed.

In the penis?

In the mouth, on the mouth, on the mouth.

Yeah, I'm not sure about that.

That's kind of gross.

For $10,000 and an SUV?

That would be hard.

$10,000, an SUV, and Amber.

I'd probably end up throwing up in his mouth.

That's fine, as long as you kiss him.

Yeah, first of all, I don't really believe you.

Second of all, if I did believe you, I'd have to see the cash.

It'd have to be cash.

No, we don't...

I mean, sir, do you think we'd deal money out of a shoebox here?

I mean, we work with checks and stuff like that, unless you want direct deposit.

That's just... cash is worth that.

But what, name your game, what would you do for $10,000?

I'd prank call people.

Oh, that's weak sauce, come on.

Um, I'd taser my nuts.

Taser your nuts? That's been done.

Well, I mean, kissing a man's been done.

Yeah, but not for $10,000.

I'm sure.

Alright, well.

I'm sure it's been done already.

Do you hear that noise?

What was that?

Do you hear that noise?

No.

The train of opportunity passing by?

The train of opportunity?

Oh, it's passed by, I guess. Too bad.

I guess so.

Alright, Fatty, you blew your chance.

Oh, I guess I did.

I guess so.

Let me give you the toll-free number here if you want to call back.

If you change your mind

Okay

Hey I know

I know what I'd do

For $10,000

Okay here we go

I'd

Don't say it

I'd fuck your cancer's mom

You know that's really

Fucked up

You know that

That's really fucked up

Hey man

You're calling one of

Chris's friends

What do you expect

I'm done with this

What's the 800 number

888-278-8509

Alright

Alright buddy

You have a good night there

You too

Yeah I know

That went nowhere

Man I'm still muted

I keep

You're not muted at all

What are you talking about?

You weren't muted at all during that whole thing.

What's Prankmaster talking about?

You're talking to Pralino, Prankmaster.

Hey.

Whatever.

Hey, Milkman, can you kick Prankmaster out of the chat room?

He's bothering me over here.

Yeah, is he in there?

Yeah.

Yeah, he's in there.

He's folk me or something.

He's being stupid over here.

Anyway.

What, he's private?

Yeah.

Yeah, whatever.

Leave him alone, whatever.

Who cares about him anyway?

Let's not give him any credence.

Anything to work with.

or

excuse me

1120

just remember

he's a pedo

and he can't

help it

whatever

got an IQ

less than my shoe size

we've been on the air

for an hour

and we've been doing

pretty good I guess

trying to at least

yeah a couple of good

ranks

yep

and all rumors is

that KDK's cock

is bigger than

Frank Master's IQ

anyway

probably is

uh

Jonathan wants

the link

to the other chat room

I don't know what

he's talking about

PCU.

Link to the other chat room.

Dot lazy.

Dot net.

Dot D.

That's the one.

4-4-20.

That's the one.

You heard it here first.

Breaking news.

Columbus, Ohio Police.

Columbus, Ohio Police were working a group of guys for two years and busted them with

$2 million worth of cocaine.

Great.

Oh, Carly, Jonathan's trying to come in to the chat.

Yeah.

Tell him that he's got to use PCU Lazy.

PCU.ly, yeah, because the other ones are dead, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, either that or try IRC.

Try PCU first from the Java.

If not, then try IRC.

Then try IRC.

Okay.

10-4.

Gotcha.

Most Def is still waiting on those quotes.

Did we come up with anything?

I can't think of a quote, man.

I don't know.

What was his project?

He never told me, so we're going to eliminate him.

Sorry, dude.

You got to help us help you.

Carlito, I sent you another good number, man.

Okay.

What do we have here?

There's a life story with this here, man.

Okay.

Well, send it in, man.

Send it in, brother.

All right, well.

Look in your Gmail.

Okay.

Well, Gang Green, thanks for that.

Thanks for that, Gang Green.

Hey, Gang Green.

I'm typing away the new chat room here for Jonathan and Saigon.

Real quick here, Lizzy.

There you go, Ben Sparks, a.k.a. Earth Dog.

Jonathan.

Earth Dog.

Yes.

Bear with me, everybody.

We'll be right with you.

okay pit is really yellow thing that's good though it's clean

like a bright yellow yeah that's good though that's good you know the last time i had to

take a piss test and i i took cleansers and was drinking water it got to the point where it

my piss looked like if you were to take a highlighter and break it open and take out

you know the the insides of it you know it's it's kind of like a like cotton kind of if you

you were to take that out and wring it out it looked just like that it was really freaky look

wow yeah i mean that's freaky but hey i passed the test man but it's really scary like i looked

in the toilet after i took a piss and it was like glowing at me i was like wow wow this one

highlighter ink p that's a healthy thing though man don't worry about that okay um lord spoon

sent us a number a while ago for a black dude in alabama we'll try to call him also here soon

Milkman is sending in a number for, who is this now, Cindy Taylor?

What it is, this guy, Ralph, is out cheating around on this old lady.

So, you're supposed to call in and act like a gay dude.

And there's a bunch of information here.

Wait a minute, he's...

Because she's already freaking out and knows that he picked up prostitutes.

So, this will just be the last straw if they're now seeing some dude.

Oh, so I'm going to call the wife and say that he's been picking me up?

It's his girlfriend, right.

girlfriend but okay so accuse him okay i got it wow that's good he goes to white castle he goes

he leaves yeah right he leaves like hours early and that's when he goes out and picks up the horse

okay 10-4 we'll do that sounds good okay um we have more information from lord spoon for that

black guy he wants us to call his name is bragston all right 10-4 the budweiser drinker too jeff

who's his favorite jeff gordon is his favorite oh man jeff gordon he's the he's the gay nascar

driver isn't he he's considered the gig got a little shrine for him the rainbow warrior they

call him okay yeah uh nunu i never got to nunu's number it's probably too late to call that guy

sorry nunu i'll keep it open just in case um we've only called a one number tonight

of lonesome losers and i apologize for that we need to call this uh we need to call this uh

girlfriend though for sure see killer p has sent in that number for deb smith also recall that

that also here no evil neo checking in with numbers who appear to be um kdk's upstairs

neighbor possibly we can try those as well and uh that's about it that's half of it okay all right

so this lady's name is cindy taylor ralph's favorite now okay and the husband is ralph

shepard the boyfriend is ralph um let's see here ralph's favorite nascar driver is jeff gordon he

He leaves for work at 3 a.m., supposed to be there at 5 a.m.,

goes to White Castle to drink coffee, read the paper.

Girlfriend thinks he's seeing someone else.

Was told that he has been known to pick up prostitutes.

Wow.

He goes to a bar called LJ's on Friday night on Meridian Street in Indy.

This is Indianapolis? Is this where this guy lives?

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

We're doing that next then.

Hang on.

Let me get something to play here while we set that up.

Here it is.

Yeah, try and do a gay guy, man.

Okay.

Really freak her out, man.

She'll really get pissed.

All right.

I'll try.

That sucks.

I was really hoping to be able to do that.

That's weird.

Cutting right over to a busy signal like that.

Yeah, I'm not sure, dude.

I don't know if maybe it's the way the number comes up.

Well, it doesn't come up as blocked.

It's coming up as a New Jersey number.

I don't know.

Maybe confirm that number.

I tried it twice.

uh try to confirm that number for me yeah that's the one okay wait here wait a minute what all

right you keep keep working on that keep working on that um n4 big dog oh yeah the toll-free line

is is not even open dude i need to turn down the toll-free line uh-huh i might have people

trying to call in and i had hopefully probably try to call back yeah i was telling you someone

yeah i'll call in early yeah you're right you're right hang on let me uh let me try to fix it

it real quick um does anybody here know who uh what who or what nhb radio is right is nhb radio

ever heard of it i've got a guy here says here's his cell number her cell number or his cell number

his his well it's not gonna work let me talk to her oh he's got you there you go yeah i know we

need her hang on um i don't know i guess one of our listeners is uh sending this guy requests to

play our stuff on his show or something like that and that's cool oh she may answer the cell phone

she may answer the cell phone okay he's asleep oh okay all right well i don't know here goes

nothing let's see if it works god ask for her yeah well you got it yogurt's good peach yogurt

what are you just regular yogurt what do you got over there boston cream pie oh wow i love crispy

cream glazed donut those are good yeah that's some good munchies through here jack those

I like the Oatmeal Cream. Those are really good.

Yeah.

I like the peanut butter ones. They're like a bar.

Yeah.

Spray with ice cold milk.

I got your ice cold milk, Milkman.

Oh yeah, man. Icy cold milk.

It's, uh, 98.6 degrees.

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

Shit.

Got it all.

Well, we'll save that one there for the next time, man.

You wanna try it?

Sure, man. One more time. Hang on.

I don't know SA. I'm trying.

He's probably talking to one of the prostitutes

Probably

That's a great premise for a prank call

I had it ready to go

Perhaps later

Hang on to that milkman

Maybe before we go for the night

Yeah I'll definitely keep that one

Keep it on file

Try to remind me before we close the show out

Still got Debra Mansfield's number

Debra Mansfield who's that

That's the one bus driver there

That was cussing

No, but if you can get it for me, we'll call her.

Yes, we will.

We can call her if you give me the number.

Let's see here.

Nunu's asking me to call the taxi company.

Okay, he's requesting that.

Acknowledge.

But ahead of you, we have Deb Smith, who is the realtor who's divorced.

We also have another that worked for me in the past, an Asian male who's into multi-level scams.

Sells water filters on his side.

She talks but pretends not to understand.

and I like to hit on her and she asks me if I'm black

and I tell her she needs

to eat my big American banana.

Okay, Killer P's just...

Don't we eat every day? Yeah, he's...

Killer P has it in for the

realty industry for some reason.

Um, Debra Mansfield

coming in. Thank you, Milkman.

Uh, let me call, um,

this lady then, Deb Smith. Let me see what happens

with her. Oh, man. This is great.

This is great, everybody.

That was, uh, one of Lonesome Losers'

his number well uh we we waited an hour to call it so they're probably closed by now they were in

mississippi so it's uh hi deborah mansfield because she she waiting for your call about

this time of night yeah she's waiting to hear from me um jonathan complains that the chat room

is disconnected that's because he's trying the old chat room not the new one you have to try the

new one my brother it's a new chat room for tonight and tonight only we got that alabama

nigger apparently the guy that came in here some music here a black guy in alabama who's ghetto

yeah let's try that who's trying to be ghetto we'll try it braxton what's up how you doing

what's crack-a-lating what's crack-a-lating speak up boy i said speak up boy my name is

leroy johnson can you speak up for me boy hey do you see i got a question for you mr braxton

why have you left all this cotton gone unpicked huh why have you left all the cotton gone unpicked

What'd you say?

I said, why have you left all the cotton go unpicked?

Why have I left what?

All the cotton go unpicked, boy.

Who did?

You did, boy.

Whatever, man.

Look outside the window.

All that cotton out there.

Go pick it.

Pick your ass.

Don't be calling my house no more.

He didn't take very kindly to that.

Chew his uppity, boy.

That's pretty insatiable.

Let me try to call him back.

Hang on.

Don't be uppity.

Don't you be calling my house no more, boy.

it oh man you have to be able to play the song to him play that song to him okay well

hello hello i think you heard it i think you heard it damn that sucks i tried i gotta put

in a speakerphone if i put on speakerphones let me let me test it it'll probably screw up everything

and we're moving on after this because this is not a racist show despite what most people think

can't hear my phone man i'm a negro right here in the in the madhouse man so don't be

I'm an Alabama nigger, an NAACP, and that goddamn Alabama nigger is me.

You know that song, boy?

You know how it goes?

You know what?

You want to know how your mama tastes?

Why don't you kiss me?

You don't have a mama because she's here with me right now.

She tastes like sweet butter and bacon grease.

Find out who you is.

What you gonna do? You gonna skin me? You gonna fry me?

I got you on tape threatening me, boy.

Cook you up like a coon.

Cook me up like a coon?

Huh?

You gonna cook me up like a coon?

How you gonna beat my ass if you can't catch me, boy?

I can't catch you.

Yeah, because the last time you were running down the street, I heard you got arrested.

Oh, so this must be Chris or something, okay?

Why lie to me?

What's wrong with Chris, man?

What's wrong with Chris?

Look, you ready to hear my favorite song?

Yeah, we're gonna let it rain.

Now I'm a bad nigga.

I wanna be free.

Hell with the NAACP.

I don't...

Do you drink and cuss, boy?

I like that song.

You talk too low.

Why you got such a buzz on your phone?

Where'd you buy this...

Where'd you buy that phone at?

Big Lots?

Speak up!

Whatever, I don't care.

You can't record me.

I don't give you permission.

What?

I don't give you permission to record me.

No, you have to destroy the tape.

Let me hear you destroy the tape.

Huh?

Okay.

What do you say to a black man in a three-piece suit?

Will the defendant please rise?

and he's gone

oh man

I don't feel good

I guess he didn't

want to record anymore

I guess not

he's recording

I like that song

well I got news

for you buddy

I'm recording

YouTube

I really

I really hope

my phone's being

blocked

you know

because I've done

some really

fucked up prank calls

tonight

wow

if it's not

it should make

for an interesting

day tomorrow

it'll make for

a very interesting

day tomorrow

and a very

interesting conversation

with my wife

well now if you

really want to

get one pissed off

call Debra Mansfield

Look here in your G-talk.

Okay, fine.

We'll call it Debra Mansfield.

You got it.

Anyway, real quick, a thank you to Lord Spoon for that, for that effort right there.

Hey, Lord Spoon.

You get an A for effort.

And here we go.

That was E for effort.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

Debra Mansfield's coming right up then.

Name?

I think so.

Remember, she's a druggie and an alcoholic.

She's a positive state.

Speak with Debra, please.

Who's this?

Me, John Masterson.

Who is John Masters?

Friend of yours.

No, I'm not no friend of yours.

I'm a friend of yours and Jesus.

Oh, okay.

You tell Jesus I said hi and don't call my house no more.

Shut up, bitch.

Come on.

Talk to me.

God.

Fucking crap show.

This is the worst show in the history of internet radio, and I blame my girlfriend.

Athena, get out of the room.

Get out of here.

Oh, shit.

I wish.

Sometimes.

Sometimes, Athena, I wish.

Do not hit me in the balls.

Do not you dare.

I'll spray this in your eye.

I'll burn the hell out of your eye.

Mad knicker.

Guys, it's midnight.

We didn't even take a break tonight.

We're that awesome.

We went straight through.

I did.

We've been on a roll, man.

Clone took a break.

Clone's always taking a break.

Taking a smoke break over there.

Well, he had to take a break there a little while ago after that frying pan episode.

Poor old clone.

Apparently, man.

Geez.

Old lady over there just got pissed off.

Oh, shit.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, everybody.

I'm giving out one of you clones.

Don't smoke that shit up and give me some.

Okay, now Lonesome Loser is sending in a number for Players Gentleman's Club

and KFC Long John Silver also here.

So we have that to work with.

We also still have those numbers from Little Evil Neo that we can try as well.

We also have Deb Smith that Killer P has resubmitted again.

And we also have this taxi company in Britain.

And I'm saving that for the end.

I'm going to take a break

Because I need to stretch real quick

And we'll come back and knock out a few more prank calls

Before we call it a night

How's that sound? Milkman, Clone, are you in for that?

You guys going to hang on?

I'm hanging

Alright, good, we have 55 listeners

And I think all 55 of you wonderful, beautiful Americans

And assorted

Europeans

And Pacific Islanders

Who are listening tonight

On the Madhouse Radio Network

You're all great

We'll be right back after this.

Oh, shit.

Anyway, we'll be right back after this, everybody.

Right, hold on your sheets and get your hand out of cooking the milk.

We'll be right back.

Back right after this.

Tell me 40,000 people are coming in.

To our list way replay of Madhouse Radio.

No, you're not having no effect.

Yes, I am.

You're going to like it.

Maybe not.

be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calamity, scream insanity!

Oh, you're never going to beat another great fan of me!

Jeez, Milkman.

Yeah, you're killing me.

I don't know what's wrong, Milkman.

Anyway, the second I turn the toll-free line up,

we got a call coming right in.

Someone's, like, redoubling, apparently.

Let me see who it is.

Hopefully it's not the police.

Hello.

What's up, Carlito?

Jonathan, what's up, man?

Nothing much. What you up to?

Nothing. I just turned the toll-free line on, man. I forgot all about it. How are you doing, brother?

I'm okay. Listen, I've been having problems getting into the chat room. I can't find a website to get into the other one.

The chat room, we've had problems with the chat room, and Madman, who runs the chat room, is actually here in the great state of Florida as well on vacation.

So he's not around to fix it. So we have a temporary chat room, but you have to use... How do you get in the chat room? You use the website, right?

Yes.

Yeah, that's why.

I don't think the website link is working right now.

Okay.

I'm in on it.

Oh, clone's in on it.

When you're connecting, which one are you selecting?

You know, you have race, you have, what else is in there?

Race, IRC.

Underdog.

I know underdog isn't working for sure.

I tried all of them.

You tried all of them and they're not working?

Yeah.

It's a little iffy right now.

I've heard of other people complaining they were having trouble with it.

Yeah.

So you might want to try downloading MIRC and connecting that way.

That'll probably work for you, brother.

You probably need to send me the website through the messenger so I can go through that.

Uh-huh.

Hang on here.

I will do that in just a second.

How's everything going with you, man?

How's Florida treating you?

You liking it?

You settled in now?

Oh, I'm settled in.

You got your broadband now, or are you still on the old dial-up?

I'm still on dollar, but on Sunday now, I will be going up to work with my dad.

I'll have broadband up there, up at App River.

Okay.

And what's the name of this town, if you don't mind my asking, where you're staying at now?

I'm in a little town called Holt.

H-O-L-T?

Uh-huh.

Florida?

Okay.

Is that the Panhandle area, I'm assuming?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah, you know, the company that I'm working for,

I think they're the company that does your broadband out there,

if you do cable, cable modem.

I think that's my company that I started working for.

So good luck with that, because they suck.

I'm kidding.

I sent you the link to get that program.

Okay.

You have to show me how to work this new program.

Yeah.

This is all new.

The best thing, you're probably going to have to wait for me.

What I'll do when I end the show tonight, I'll walk you through it,

because I won't be able to do it while I'm on the show.

or if you know someone else out there who can help you out on AOL or something or Yahoo,

maybe they can walk you through it.

But start off by downloading that program.

It's free, M-I-R-C.

Okay.

And I will give you the instructions myself if no one else gets to before that, man.

Okay.

All right, my friend.

Smoke weed every day.

All right.

All right, brother.

Have a good night.

Thanks for calling in.

It wouldn't be the same without you on here.

Oh, it's not a problem.

All right.

Get back in the chat room.

We miss you.

All right.

All right, man.

Take care.

Bye-bye.

All right, everyone.

Earth Duck says, don't let creepy in here.

That's funny.

Hang on.

Let's see if Milkman is fixed over there yet.

All right, Milkman.

You sound a lot better now.

We had a huge bunch of fuzz coming on your end over there, man.

What was that all about?

Well, my battery died.

I think I have my navel.

I got a Sony stereo condenser mic.

Mm-hmm.

Nice.

Battery died in it.

Oh, I see.

I see.

Does that take triple A's or double A's?

Double A's.

Hey, do they sell...

But I prefer D's.

Do they sell...

Double Ds, actually.

Do they sell single A batteries, man?

Because you can get your double A, triple A.

Is there a single A battery out there you can buy?

I think there used to be.

Yeah, back in the day.

There's got to be a single A.

I want a single A battery.

I want a single A battery just to say I have a single A battery, bitch.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Anyway, music's playing here.

We're moving on.

We're going to wrap things up here.

We're going to do a few more prank calls, and we can call it a night.

I just finished taking...

Hey, you want to try Ralph again?

Again, I sent you his number.

Yes, okay.

I'll do that again.

I just finished taking a sleeping pill so I can get to sleep because I drank coffee and I'm all out of whack.

Did you get the melatonin, man?

No, I didn't.

I'm still taking that hydro something something.

Hey, our good friend Crazy Fucker.

We haven't heard from him.

Give me the melatonin.

We haven't talked to Crazy.

Me and Athena were just saying we needed to call him before the night was through.

I know.

He's calling in now.

That's what I was saying when I was buzzing like that.

Who?

crazy fucker you're on the air how you doing bastard yeah i'm trying to call uh

our sister of cholesterol you heard that yeah man i'm i'm uh listening to you on my old apple

computer oh sweet you got it working man welcome yeah i just i punched winamp in it uh old apple

and i i was able to get through i was able to hear you guys good deal winamp is the preferred

bird player of Madhouse Radio.

Yeah, well, this is an old Apple computer

that's really, like, it hasn't been used since, like, 2001.

Yeah.

But still, it's got, you know, I don't know how, but...

If it works, it works.

Yeah, you've got a great computer.

2001.

Well, yeah, it's not like my good computer is, like,

I've got to get a power supply and a motherboard for it.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, what's up with this shit, man?

Man, you buy a fucking computer and they're supposed to last 20 or 30 years,

and then all of a sudden, man, nine days after the warranty expires,

they fucking go to shit on you.

20 years?

Yeah, from Tiger Direct.

I'm not going to fucking...

Hello?

Yeah, we're here.

No, listen over here on this end.

Yeah, I'm not going to fuck Tiger Direct, man.

Are you drinking, man?

Yeah, I am, man.

I'm drinking.

What are you drinking?

What am I drinking?

I'm drinking cheap fucking wine mixed with grape juice and fucking ice-cold water.

Oh, you went down to the dollar store again, did you?

No, I got a gallon of Carlo Rossi.

Ugh, that's nasty.

Well, it is.

No, it's not.

Not if you put, like, 10% Carlo Rossi, 10% grape juice, and 80% ice-cold water.

It is good.

That's not wine.

That's like water with, that's like a water spritzer.

That's like a wine cooler.

It's flavored wine.

It's like a wine cooler.

It's flavored water.

I call it a wine cooler.

It's Kool-Aid.

Wine Cooler.

Nice thing, Ernie.

Oh, my God, my friend.

That's craziness.

What's wrong with that?

Nothing wrong with that, man.

Whatever gets you there.

The only bitch is drinking.

Well, you know, the only...

Hey, nothing will get us there...

Oh, man.

...until we separate our flesh from our body, our spirit from our flesh.

Yeah.

That's the only thing that's going to get us there.

I separated my wife's flesh.

That's the only thing that's going to get us there.

Don't let these bastards tell you that space is the final frontier or the ocean is the final frontier.

Death is the fucking final frontier and it's actually a state of life.

What we're living in right now, all of us, all of us preying upon other living organisms to sustain ourselves.

Uh-huh.

It's like this is living death that we're going through, you know?

It is.

It really is.

And more and more as I study shit, I believe that the rock and rollers had it right

when they said only the good die young, you know?

Wow.

And here I was.

I mean, you've got to be really, I mean, a person's got to be really a funky motherfucker

to like living on this planet.

And here I thought the final frontier was the female orgasm.

I guess I'm wrong.

Oh, no, the poor female creatures of our species, man, are the most exploited and the most...

They're the mother of all life on this planet, but yet they're treated the worst, and they're actually...

Man, I tell you, man, it just fucking pisses me off, man.

You know, I don't believe in no fucking god.

I worship the goddess.

The female is the giver of life, and this planet is the mother earth.

What the fuck is this godson of a bitch?

He had a mother somewhere along the line.

No, he is the mother and the father, all in one, man.

Well, you're saying he's a morphodite then, huh?

Probably, yeah.

He's got like, he's, yeah, like that Bible is like,

it's got like 10% universal truth in it and 90% bullshit.

Like the Jews' creation myth.

Okay, this motherfucker Adam and Eve, right?

Right.

They had sex, and that's where all us human beings came from, right?

Right.

Well, okay, they apparently had a son and a daughter, and the son and daughter fucked each other,

so right there, what you got right there in the Bible is the first case of incest.

It is true.

Why, it's crock of shit, dude.

Hey, I like what you said tonight about this motherfucker Bush wanting to get a third term.

Yeah.

Well, hey, dude, you know what?

These motherfuckers trying to take down our Constitution,

and when that happens, man, then the last candle,

free candle in the wind in our planet Earth will be extinguished.

Hey, man, it's all fucking bullshit and propaganda.

Hey, dude, since my computer been down,

I've been really getting into watching movies and shit.

Right.

And I watch this old one called Demolition Man with Sylvester Stallone.

Yeah, that's a great movie, man.

Right, and they make one brief statement in it where they say,

the chick cop, you know the chick cop there?

Yeah, where Schwarzenegger's the president, is that the one?

No, it's where they're talking about the Schwarzenegger Presidential Library.

That's what I just said.

Right, right, okay, you got it, you caught it, you got it.

Okay, now, they're setting the stage right now to fucking let that fucking Nazi motherfucker

become the president of the United States, even though his daddy was a fucking Nazi and

he's a fucking Nazi.

They want to take our Constitution and chop it up.

Well, I'm ready to lay down my life right now for the Constitution, the Bill of Rights,

kill every fucking fascist in this country, every rich motherfucker driving around in

in a limousine making money off of dead people in the Middle East.

Kill them all, man.

I'm ready to have it all come down.

Fuck them motherfuckers.

And if you ever want to believe in something,

there's only one fucking thing to believe in if you're an American,

and that's the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

Right.

And these motherfuckers, they're doing everything to destroy the Constitution

and the Bill of Rights.

They're doing preemptive strikes.

Yeah.

You know, hey, all you've got to do is study history if you want to see how evil the evil people are.

They put some of the most ruthless dictators in office down in South America.

No shit, dude.

They give money to the worst kind of fucking scum on this planet,

and yet right here at home they talk these lame bastards,

and, oh, freedom and democracy, freedom and democracy.

That's a block of fucking shit, man.

You know what, man?

And they got, man, that's why I listen to you guys,

because at least you let some motherfucker call up and express himself.

You're the only free radio on the fucking air, dude.

That's, well, except for, you know, shortwave radio and stuff like that,

and that still exists out there.

Yeah, man, hey, man, I'm telling you, dude, but anyway, thanks for letting me rant.

Hey, man, we love it.

Let me ask you, dude, hey, you know what, man?

Hey, I will pick

to you, man.

I don't like using your 800 number, and you having to pay for that shit.

So if there's a way, man, I will send in a money contribution to you.

Don't worry, now, this is for everybody, man.

And I make this so you can call without having to worry about any retribution.

All I want is these brain-dead fucking people out there to wake fucking up.

Get off your drugs.

You know what?

They're destroying our country right now with chemical warfare.

They got these poor little kids strung out on methamphetamine.

They got these ruthless fucking people pimping them off and making sex slaves out of them.

Hey, dude, there's another good video I watched recently.

ever seen The Hostel?

I heard things

about it. I heard it was really nasty.

Oh, it has got a

message to it.

It has really got a message. It turns

itself around and only

one of the Americans make it out

and I'm not going to ruin the plot in case

somebody wants to watch it, but

I ran across a couple of my friends

a guy and his old lady

that was in the video

store and I asked them if they

they watched it, they had checked it out, and when the first dude barfed is when they

quit watching it, you know, hey, you get hooked up to a woman, man, you get so fucking pussy

whipped that, you know what they were checking out, a fucking video called Breaking Up, some

fucking...

The Break Up?

Yeah, the Break Up.

Yeah, I got dragged into that one.

Huh?

I got dragged into that one in the movie theater.

Is that some kind of comedy or some shit?

So it's got the chick, Jennifer Aniston, and the guy with the cheeks.

What's his face?

Oh, I forgot his name already.

Well, the hostel is worth watching, but you can't.

It starts out really cute, and then it gets really ugly,

and then one American makes it out of fucking alive.

But, man, it's kind of like a fucking great flick, you know?

I'll tell you what.

What, you want to do a call with us while I have you on the line?

I'd love to do a call.

Okay, we can call Uncle Tom's Cabin.

That's in Fresno.

We have Devil Dog Bail Bonds.

That's in Montana.

What is, hey, what is, Devil Dog Bail Bonds?

Yeah, Devil Dog Bail Bonds, that's right, in Missoula, Montana.

Okay, whatever you want to do, man, just let me know which one.

Okay, we'll do the...

What's this Uncle Tom's Cabin?

I have no idea, sir.

Sir, it was just confirmed, though, about ten minutes ago.

This is in California.

Okay, whatever, man.

But I hope, man, really, believe me, don't let them fuck our Constitution or our Bill of Rights up.

I don't know.

You know what?

We're going to call the bail bonds, and I want you to explain to them why your Constitutional rights are being infringed upon,

and you need help to get bailed out or something.

I don't know.

Run with it.

All right.

Crazy fucker's going to give us a prank call.

Here, everybody.

We'll be right back with that in just a second, folks.

Hang on, crazy man.

I love this guy.

He's right on, man.

He's one of the only people in here that knows his shit.

He hasn't been fucked by the system, so he knows what it's about.

The experience way, right?

I'm like this here.

Yeah, baby.

I'm talking right.

Joel, speaking to you, please.

This is Joel.

Joel?

This is the Bail Bonds?

Yes.

And you're in Missoula?

Yes.

Joel, let's say I was a cop.

Hello, Joel?

Bail Bonds?

Yes?

Joe, let's say that I went on a road trip and I came to Manzula and I robbed all the

banks in town.

How much would a bail bond cost me?

That I don't know.

I'd have to wait until you got caught and thrown in jail.

But if I came to Manzula and I decided that I would open up a distribution and refining

factory and the police arrested me, how much would my bail bond be?

I don't know.

You don't know?

You don't, you mean, you can't, you don't, you cannot tell me?

Uh, not really.

Hey, well, have you, uh, consulted with your local chief of police there in Missoula?

Having you guys figure out how, what, what, how much a bag man gets, how much a judge

gets, how much, uh, a kid gets, and how much, uh, police chief gets, and, uh, Joel.

Goddamn Joel, he hung up.

Fuck Joel, yeah, see, they fuckin', they ain't even got their fuckin' corruption together

there in Missoula.

May do.

Maybe I'll move to Missoula there.

I guess.

And do all that shit I just talked about,

because I ain't figured out how much it's going to cost to fucking swing me out.

Must be free.

Must be, ah, fuck yeah, dude.

Hey, because remember, America is a free country,

and freedom in America is doing whatever you want to fucking do until you get caught.

That's right.

Amen to that.

All right.

And now let me sing the Star-Spangled Banner before I go.

Cutting underpants, right on, man.

Okay, he just hung up.

Crazy fucker.

Crazy fucker is in some mood tonight, everybody.

Wow, that's all I have to say.

Gentlemen, what do you think about that?

That was great.

He's in rare form tonight.

I've never...

We've got to save that clip of him singing for one of our intros

or outros or a promo dude that was a classic man yeah i think he and gangrene is saying very

correctly i think he is losing it wow earth dog says he wishes that he could do a show that guy

is insane he's something else i don't know if it's legit we should start calling him like every

every once in a while man well i'll tell you what he called last week he when i didn't do a show

last week i played a best of he called around one o'clock and he talked to athena i was way

way too tired, and he was like, you know, he was all like, oh, I'm sorry to bother you,

and this and that, you know, and he talked to me the week before, when I didn't, I was

on, we ended early, two weeks ago, and he talked, he called after the show, and I talked

to him for a good 10, 15 minutes, so.

We should start calling him like around 11 or something.

Yeah, we're going to have to, he's too much, man.

You remember the first time he called me, he called the toll-free line here, trying

trying to talk to kdk and um i actually and i connected him with kdk and he started going off

on some crazy shit and and then and the shit hit the fan that night i remember that's jesus god

okay i don't know that's something else man he's uh he's a crazy character he's really drunk

tonight though he's not always like that he is he is he is my favorite caller in this show

wouldn't be a show without crazy fucker from california calling but hey i digress oh thank

Thank God he called back.

Thank God, indeed.

How about we call it a night because I'm getting tired.

Okay, well, we're going to...

You want to try Ralph one more time?

Yeah, Ralph, Ralph.

That's right.

We'll try Ralph one more time.

Hang on.

Let me try that here.

Where was my damn song?

Here, over here, over here.

Okay.

We don't get him this time.

We've got to try early next week.

Exactly.

All right, I'm trying Ralph, everybody.

Oh, horse shit.

Yeah, maybe next week, guys.

I don't think that's going to work.

All right.

I'll save it.

save it man remind me don't let me forget we will definitely try that again don't forget all right

next week i hope everybody enjoyed this because we just all lost our freedoms here as bush just

signed this new law to remove your right to go to a court how's that that's part of the law they

just passed and also give big break to all the corporations out there that do damages like with

drugs or whatever to to people innocent citizens yeah they got a way out yeah i don't know it's

That's what I think.

What can you do?

What can you do, man?

Do you want to try this taxi company in Britain?

Hell yeah.

Let me try it.

Well, if we're calling Britain, we've got to play Rolling Stones.

All right, let's try to get through to Britain here.

Well, actually, you know, Jimmy was a British star first.

You did have a good choice of music.

Yeah, but the song was over.

Hang on, folks.

We're going to try the taxi company who refused a man with a dog.

Hello, how are you?

Hello, ma'am.

Hello.

Hello, is this the taxi company?

Which one?

Niven?

Yes.

Okay, good. I was wondering if I could come down, but I don't want any problems. I have a dog.

You know, I heard very bad things. You people do not take dogs in the car and, you know...

We do take dogs in our car.

Who's calling?

I'm calling from America.

Okay, so why are you calling us?

Because I want to let you know that in America we have these rules where you must accept a dog if it's a guide dog.

No, we do accept dogs, okay?

Well, look, lady, this...

It was a situation that got out of hand,

and things have been said that shouldn't have been said

by the press and all the rest of it,

and we have nothing else to say.

Well, let me tell you something.

This is America, and I'm going to be suing you

because of what you did.

Oh.

You piss off, woman.

I didn't say piss off, but don't talk to me like that.

I heard what you said.

You know, in America, you wouldn't be allowed to vote.

And who cares what happens in America?

We live in England.

Well, we saved your ass in World War II.

What do you have to say?

Well, you never did, and who helped you out just now?

No, you're not.

You are.

He is crazy, man.

We don't need you anyway, bitch.

Don't call me a bitch, you cheeky fucker.

Cheeky fucker?

What the fuck is that, bitch?

Excuse me, what's your name?

Hey, who's that woman you got over there talking to me?

What's your name?

Who is this?

You're a prankster, yeah?

Who's that woman you got talking on the phone to me, boy?

Yeah, who is this?

This is Joe America.

Joe America.

That's right.

right yeah right listen yeah like we could sue you do you want us to trace your coin to you yeah

yeah i got yeah do it boy you can't yeah i'm american you can't sue me you are you were gay

shut up milkman yeah yeah yeah whatever goodbye hey we saved your asses in world war ii damn it

jesus god christ that was kind of fun that was worth the wait there and everyone goes out

Call him back.

No, no.

You fucking woman.

She's like, fuck you.

You cheeky fucker.

Wow, man.

Cheeky fucker.

Whatever that means.

Dude, I still want to do it, man.

We've got a whole bunch of people capping.

You wouldn't be allowed to vote.

And who cares what happens in America?

We live in England.

Well, we saved your ass in World War II.

What do you have to say?

Well, you never did.

And who helped you out just now?

No, you're not.

You are, he is crazy, man

We don't need you anyway, bitch

Fuck you, call me a bitch, you cheeky fucker

Cheeky fucker?

What the fuck is that, bitch?

What's your name?

Hey, who's that woman you got over there talking to?

What's your name?

Who is this?

You're a prankster, yeah?

Who's that woman you got talking on the phone to me, boy?

Yeah, who is this?

This is Joe America

Joe America

That's right

Joe America

The fuck's Joe America like that?

Yeah, right, listen

Yeah?

Eh, whatever

whatever it wouldn't be a thursday night if i didn't get we gotta do a compilation one time

yeah of all the people that have cussed out and raised hell and said funny one-liners to you man

all of them just get all the one-liners and make like a one-minute promo he made just the

one-liners going off and on like the lady who called me fat then you're fat just like

You're fat, right?

You cheeky fucker.

You're fat, you cheeky fucker.

You bitch motherfucker.

Jesus Christ.

Anyway, folks.

And you can see how much fun we have here in the Madhouse.

Tune in on Thursday.

This is the proof.

The proof is in the whatever it is.

My wife says cheeky fucker all the time.

Does she really?

She gets a little out of line there.

She gets a little out of line sometimes, man.

You got to watch out for that.

Good luck.

Yeah, good luck.

I didn't let her go.

You just let her go.

Yeah, Australians.

Yeah.

What are you looking at, Athena?

Those dirty girls from that TV show with Flavor Flav?

Dirty-ass people.

Dirty, dirty show.

That show.

I like it, though.

It's very fun.

All right.

How about we call it a night, man?

It's getting late.

I've got to work tomorrow.

I've got to be sleeping.

Cloned, thank you very much for stopping in.

Would you like to say hi or goodbye to your fans?

Now's the time.

that listens to me, that listens

to Carlito. Thank you for

listening. It's been real fun.

Some good calls in there.

That's right. Very good calls. Good on you.

I hope you all enjoyed.

We all did. We all did. Milkman,

take us out of here, bro. Alright, bro.

I just sent you a message here in G-Talk, man.

But I'd like to give a big thank

you and a shout out to Madman

wherever you are cruising

down there in the south. Thanks a

lot for this great chat room.

Also, I want to thank Game Green.

We're bringing us an additional emergency backup server right here for IRC,

pcu.lazy-med.be.

By gosh, high five to Game Green and Madman.

That's right, right here in the IRC chat room for PCU.

You can knock somebody's teeth out, shake each other's hands when your band's been lifted,

and come back and do it again tomorrow.

Thanks a lot for all you guys doing out there.

Also, I'd like to thank Dr. Lego, who provided us with this wonderful stream,

Tickle in the ear ball fancies of all those people around the world out there.

Thank you.

Also, I'd like to thank our wonderful...

Dr. Lyle.

Hang on, Milkman.

We've got Dr. Lego calling in.

What's going on?

You know, I'll tell you.

That KDK is trying to sabotage my show.

Now what?

What's he doing now?

He's not wanting to talk on your show anymore?

No, no, no.

My laptop blew up.

Uh-huh.

So I asked him to send me Sam and Koda because I didn't have it.

I said, it's really important.

Can you send it to me?

He said, yeah, yeah, I'm going to email it to you.

Okay.

And he didn't.

Oh, no, it's free.

You can find it.

No, it's not free, dude.

Salmon Coder's not free.

Yes, it is.

No, dude, it's not free.

It's like 200 bucks if you want to buy it.

I've got the key if you want it.

Well, I took it one step further.

I went on to some hack board, and I found me Salmon Coder 3.5.

Yeah.

And I got that.

I had it on full Postgres.

Postgres, SQL, or some shit.

Uh-huh.

What version of SAM are you running?

12.

12?

12.2.

Yeah, I don't have that one.

I got 3.5.

Oh, that's the best.

Oh, 3.5 shit, man.

Yeah, but I had one called Postgres SQL.

Yeah, that's crazy.

I don't know if...

I hope that didn't fuck up my computer.

I gotta tell you, man, that fucking PC's, man.

I got a virus the other day.

Yeah?

Kind of like, I guess, what happened to KDK, you know?

All right.

And it wiped my whole shit out.

Everything.

Hmm.

Ain't that some shit?

Ribbit.

Yeah.

What are you up to?

How's the show going?

I'm only catching the tail end.

Oh, man, you missed the best show ever.

We talked to George Takai.

Who else did we talk to tonight?

We talked to...

Pauly Shore.

Tom Green, we called Blackout five times.

You spoke to Pauly Shore?

Pauly Shore, yeah, the one and only.

What do you have to say to that fag?

He's actually kind of cool.

He might be coming down to Orlando.

I need to meet him, too.

Oh, cool.

Fuck him.

Yeah, and Lisa Lampanelli also was on the line tonight, too.

Does she still have hair on her pussy or she shaved it?

We didn't get into that.

I'll pass the numbers on to you, though.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, all right.

I'll fucking talk to her.

I'll find out.

I'll find out for you.

You hear that British bitch that we just talked to right now?

Yeah, she sounded like a real cunt, but I...

Yeah, she did.

Yeah, fucking stuff, man.

Dude, I love...

Seriously, though, I gotta tell you.

When it comes to porn, I love them freaky German porn people.

Right.

You ever watch the German gangbang series?

No, no.

I'm not a fan of the German race.

I'm not a fan of them either, but they got some crazy-ass porn, bro.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

That's where the porn goes.

A lot of pooping.

Yeah, milkman turned me on to that shit.

Yeah.

All right, Leggo, we're ending the show here.

I just wanted to make sure I had you on the line, you know, say your thing, you know.

I didn't want to diss you.

Doug, you're kind of dissing me now.

Well, I got to go to sleep, man.

I got to work tomorrow, unlike you.

Unlike me?

I got a 9 o'clock.

What do you got to do?

Phone calls, drink some coffee.

What time are you going to be at work?

I've got to be at work at 8 o'clock in the morning, Eastern Standard Time.

Yeah, all right.

Well, I get up around 7 o'clock.

I know what it's like.

I get up at 6, man.

Why?

Because I've got to get ready.

It takes you two hours to get ready?

Because I've got to want to.

I've got an hour-long commute to work, man.

That takes you an hour, huh?

Well, it's a half hour, but, you know, I take my life to get there early.

I'm responsible.

I sit down, you know.

I read the paper, drink some coffee.

You want to join?

Yeah.

My man

That's what a man does, man

Alright, well listen

You know, I've taken my call

Hey, it's always a pleasure

Dr. Lego, everybody go to drlego.net

No, no, no, fuck that site

Go to pranktheworld.com

Pranktheworld.biz, got it

Yeah, pranktheworld.yourmama

Okay, alright

Say hi to Kim for me

No, Kim's not high

Oh no, just say hi to her for me

You want her to get high for you? Why?

No, just say hi to her.

Say hi and ask her.

You know when you get Kim Hai, you can get that ad.

Ask her how I taste.

All right.

All right, I'll see you next time.

Bye-bye.

Dr. Homo, everybody.

All right, Dr. Lego.

Who's not excited about Dr. Lego?

Hey, Milkman, finish us off over here.

Where were we?

We were just thanking Lego.

All right, we thanked Lego.

What else did we get?

Also, I'd like to thank KDK, our benevolent sponsor.

KDK.

the man with the vision

the man with the incredible

knowledge and foresight

to predict that PCU would be the

brilliant shining light

of prank calls on the internet that it now

is today, the man that

did it for the team and went and

took down the nasty job

and brought us to the attention

of the Howard Stern Show

KDK, the Cerebro

of the Prank World, thank you so much

for giving us a shot and thank

Thank you so much for all you've done with this community and wonderful thing you've created out here called PCU.

Right.

God loves KDK, and, you know, we all love you too, KDK.

Also, I'd like to thank our fearless leader in the house, the Generalissimo, the El Presidente of the Madhouse, Carlito.

Yes, that's me.

Thank you so much for all you do.

Well, no thank you to Milkman.

I'm kidding.

Every week you give a dime and give your time and pay for everybody out there to get free interactive entertainment right here on the Internet with all the crazy calls and psychotic things that we do here.

Thank you so much, Carlito.

Also, I'd like to thank Sweet Kisses, the crazy fucker.

I want to thank Clone.

Clone done a great job on some calls lately, too.

By gosh, I've been having a good time listening to that.

You even got in a couple good calls with Clone.

Thank you so much

I want to thank Gang Green once again

I want to thank Sweet Kisses for the wonderful cookies

Baby Puppy Cat for all her wonderful numbers

Also I'd like to thank you

The listener

The most important person in this outfit

Right here because we all do it for you

Boring

We do it for fun

And the fun is for you

And we will pay just to bring you some entertainment

Thank you so much for tuning in

We love you all

Oh, you big car, you know.

Back to me in the studio.

All right, well, thank you, Milkman, for everything.

Thank you, Lonesome Loser, for the numbers and for the phone card.

Thank you, Clone Athena's cracking herself up over here.

She's obviously...

The hardest working man.

Yes.

Clone Homegrown, the hardest working man.

No, Lonesome Loser.

Lonesome Loser.

Yeah.

Thank you, Lonesome Loser.

And everybody who sent in numbers, I don't remember.

Who called in?

Jonathan, Crazy Fucker, Dr. Schmegma called in.

and everybody else

whoever sent in numbers, I forget everybody

Nunu, LonesomeKillerP

sent in numbers, Neil we didn't get to your numbers

I'm sorry but thank you for sending them in

I forget

Gangrene sent in a few numbers

we got numbers everywhere, sweet kisses

Warrior

sent in a number right, BabyPuppyCat

yeah whoever that is

alright so there it is, alright CloneMan have a good week

weekend man we'll catch you here

peace out

and that's it

it milkman thank you also thanks for being in i'm glad you made it we were scared you weren't

gonna make it hey thanks a lot man all right everybody be sure to uh i got in here man and

thanks a lot to clone for giving me a hand make sure you check your g talk because i need to talk

with you man for you to sign off yes i'll send you that link all right everybody be sure to listen

tomorrow night we'll have uh uh what's his face uh zolars on tomorrow night 10 p.m eastern katie

KDK's on Saturday night, so 10 p.m. Eastern as well.

I bet Solar's still on vacation.

Maybe he is.

I'm not sure.

I guess, hopefully he'll be on.

We'll see.

I thought he was gone for two weeks.

Yeah, I guess he won't be back.

Wow, he's been gone for a while then.

Hopefully he does come back.

Lego will be on, who we heard from earlier.

Lego will be on Monday night at 9 p.m. Eastern, more than likely with Mr. Hyperjerk and Dale

and Sales.

Tuesday night, Neo's Toxic Shock is on, I suppose.

And Wednesday night, KDK's on as well.

And then Thursday night we'll be back for another wonderful, emotional, sexual episode of Madhouse Radio.

Be sure to visit madhouselive.com.

Thank you to everybody in the chat room, all my friends in there, and everybody who does stuff for us.

Be sure to subscribe to the podcast.

We'll be up there as well.

Thanks a lot, Sir Nunu.

Thanks a lot, Tuck.

Yeah, all those people in there, man.

You're all great.

And we're out of here.

Peace out, everybody.

Yeah.

We love you all.

Peace out, Mad Girls.

Peace out, JNF, UTMST, and sweet kisses.

I love you.

You know what?

We're not even online right now.

I think you're lying, man.

We have your name.

We have your everything.

What is the address?

What is the email?

We don't give that out.

How do I know that you're not going to use that?

Exactly.

How do I know?

Because you know what?

We're not even online right now.

You listen to me.

You know what?

You're a bum.

What's up?

You all right?

Paul, don't try and tell me that I owe you money.

Well, what's wrong? You upset?

Ma'am?

Yes?

I have gas. Listen.

Oh, you seem a little upset. What's wrong?

I'm not a bad week.

Huh?

I'm not a bad week.

What happened? With Lego and, uh, not with Lego, with, uh, with, um, KDK and stuff?

No, no, no, no, no. KDK's all good.

All right, man. Are you sick?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just fucking business and working a lot.

Oh, no. Oh, man. Really?

It just seems, you know, it just seems every fucking where and everything I'm doing is just fucking abortion.

Oh, come on, man. It's just a bad week. I had a bad month last month, man.

You know, lost my job, lost my girl, you know, my mom's, you know, sick and stuff.

She's going to be, you know, going through, you know.

It's not good, man. Life, you know, life throws all this stuff to you and, you know, sometimes you just got to power on through, brother.

Yeah, I know.

I know you've got to just keep your head up, right?

That's all you can do, Lego Man.

All right, man.

I'll speak to you during the week.

Hey, man.

I love you like a brother, man.

Peace out.

And no offense intended with, you know, the whole on-the-air kind of thing.

You know what I mean?

I know.

It's all good, my brother.

Love you.

Bye.

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (14, 37 min of 1 h 59 min)

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