2006-12-07 Show
7 Dec 2006 · 58 min · 3,735 words · source
Transcript
Columbia, Columbia, this is Houston, 1 minute, 30 seconds.
You loud?
Hot, sir.
We're going to go in the air.
We're going to see if you can talk to people.
Affirmative.
I'll let you know where we're going on.
I need a phone card.
I don't know if you don't have one.
I've got a phone here that's free that I can start 673.
I've always got my cell phone.
No, that won't work.
That won't work.
It'll only work one way.
Got it.
Lonesome.
Yep, lonesome.
You got it.
Nice.
You got numbers to call?
It's like instantaneous and shit.
You got numbers to call?
I got some numbers I called earlier.
Wanna call him again?
Why not?
Alright, send in to me an IRC.
And the point is, I need you to do the pranks.
At least the first one.
Or two.
I'll do them all if you want.
Alright, shit.
Good, good, good.
I'm gonna ask for Gina.
That's her name?
Huh.
Here we go.
You doing an order?
I don't know.
I'll let you know.
I'm tired of this.
Kicking now.
Let me see if I got the passwords right.
Easier.
Four monitors in.
Five, technically.
Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna kick the old stream, no wonder.
Shit, I don't have the new stream in here.
Let's do it on yours.
I gotta, I gotta, I gotta test to make sure this is gonna work, bandwidth-wise, too.
Carlito, get him on!
Skynet gets built. Who's responsible?
The main...
Ladies and...
You need to know how Skynet gets built. Who's responsible?
The main, most directly responsible is...
Carlito.
The director of the Systems Corporation.
Why him?
In a few months, he creates a revolutionary type of microprocessor.
What?
In three years, Carlito will become the largest supplier of military computer systems.
All stealth bombers are upgraded with...
Carlito.
...computers becoming fully unmanned. Afterwards, they fly with a perfect operational record.
...a funding bill is passed. The system goes online on August 4th, 1997.
...decisions are removed from strategic defense.
...begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2.14 a.m. Eastern Time, August 29th.
Panicked, they try to pull the plug. It launches its missiles against their targets in Russia.
...knows that the Russian counter-attack will eliminate its enemies over here.
I want to know everything, what he looks like, where he lives, everything.
I have detailed files.
Madhouse Radio is back.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to ask you for some fan fear, the band, fan fear,
because, ladies and gentlemen, Sting has always gone ahead of itself.
They have done it again and again and again.
I remember the year they brought in the Fat Boys.
They were hotter than 10,000 firesides.
And if you know, and if you enjoy hip-hop, if you want one of the coldest brothers in America, you hear a group of...
You're listening to Madhouse Radio. We call you Joe.
We need to know how Skynet gets built. Who's responsible?
This radio is back.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to ask you for some fanfare. The bag.
Than fear because
Ladies and gentlemen
Sting has always gone
Ahead of itself
They have done it again
And again and again
I remember the year they brought in
The fat boys that were hotter than
10,000 firesides
And if you know
And if you enjoy
Hip hop
If you want one of the
Coldest brothers to knock
Up a crew in Jamaica
Alright, I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
I don't have a soundboard.
I forgot to set the soundboard, so I have no applause.
Are you there, Madman?
Here we go.
Madman's here.
Yay!
Hi, this is Madhouse Radio, um...
This is Madhouse Radio Sound Test for the new studio.
And, um, KDK reports that the, uh, sound is okay.
That's good.
Hey, look!
It's the Sound Test of Mundo!
This really sucks.
You know, I'm really attached to my, uh, my soundboard.
I need my soundboard.
really bad wow this sucks okay so we're gonna try some prank calls in madman bong hit test
bong hit test and see how perfect and now i normally hit the button that goes smoke weed
every day but i i don't have it ready hang on let me go into my network here let me see if i can
find it what's that called how do i check my network here uh network uh my network settings
what's it called damn it and computer get the hamsters running caldito i'm trying man this
This isn't a show.
This is not a show.
If you came here looking for a show, you're sadly mistaken.
This is not a show.
I'm sorry.
This is a sound test.
This is a sound test.
We're not going to be on PCU long.
Half hour tops at the most.
Where the hell are the shared files?
How do I get to a shared file on my home network?
What the deuce?
Why can't I find it?
What the deuce, man?
Go to options.
My network places, right?
Folder options.
View.
There we go.
I found it.
Awesome.
Awesome.
I found it.
Okay.
Okay, now I've got to find the soundboard.
So how you been doing, man, man?
How's your life?
How's your wife?
How's your old lady?
I've been doing great, man.
Yeah?
That's good.
That's good.
Multiple old ladies have been treating me good.
I heard you guys had a nice storm up there in Illinois.
Yeah, we got like 12 inches.
That sucks, man.
Sorry to hear that, brother.
I'm loving it, man.
I'm snowboarding now.
Yeah?
Right on, man.
That's five days.
Right on.
Send to...
That's to both worlds, sand and snow.
I can't just send stuff into the shared file folder, can I?
That sucks.
Can I right-click and share it?
You'll be able to.
click and and share this now now hi athena what's up you got a problem you always got a problem
you want to fight you want to fight with me you want to get beat up again athena huh like last
night you'll try to kick my ass go make my down hey carlitos how yeah go make my pancakes i'm
waiting on those pancakes for three weeks now three weeks there's one person listening and
it's madman stop it i said don't hit me stop stop stop it now stop it stop go away why are you
You're embarrassing me in front of man, man.
Bitch.
Smells like you're burning those pancakes, Athena.
She's making cookies again.
Shut up, Athena.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to tell you to shut up.
But seriously, shut the fuck up.
I'm going to try to put this in downloads.
All right, so Lonesome Loser sent some numbers, but we can try yours, dude.
You said you called these people earlier tonight, right?
Might as well.
Let's do them.
Might as well.
Yeah.
Where's...
Do you want an order?
Yeah.
Yeah, we'll go down the list.
How do you spell madhouse?
All right.
With an M, right?
How do you spell it?
Yep.
With an M.
let me go over here to download and look for madhouse with an m madhouse soundboard and i
can't play it because i don't have oh i do shockwave flash objects oh man i don't have
flash on this computer yet son of a bitch hey carlito for this first call yeah i want you to
be like this is a collect call from the whatever prison just make whatever prison name you want
you know i have audio you know i have audio of that i got to isolate it for the show now so i
I can do that.
Watch this.
Watch this.
Watch this.
Um, um, um, um, um.
It's on the Jay-Z album.
Bear down.
You know what?
This fucking sucks.
This is a collect call from the Cook County prison.
Yeah.
Cook County?
Yeah, Cook County.
And I'll be like, hey, man, will you bail me out?
Is that the county?
And you're not getting any echo, you said, right, Madman, at all?
No echo?
No echo.
That is awesome, dude.
I have fixed this show.
It is going into the 20th century.
I would totally play.
Applause right now if I could find the applause.
Yeah.
Thanks, man.
Thanks, brother.
Ripped audio.
There we go.
I think that's the one I'm looking for.
No, that one was a torrent.
Son of a bitch.
You know what?
This is horrible.
I'm sorry for taking up your time, dude.
You can totally leave if I'm boring you.
Taking up whose time?
Your time, man.
Oh, I'm good, dude.
I'm fine.
All right.
Here we go.
This is what we need to isolate for the show now.
...with a collect ball from...
...accept the charges...
...one.
Now.
See that?
That'd be perfect.
If I could just take out...
I'll just take out where it says Emory Jones, and I'll make it two different ones.
So when we do a call, we go like,
This is the operator with a collect all from...
Coralito.
Cook County Prison.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, that's awesome.
That's awesome.
This is the operator with a collect all from...
Okay, awesome.
That's so awesome.
We can play, like, the soundboard stuff on the computer now on the air.
Hell yeah.
Yeah, this is the real deal here.
Okay.
So we're going to do that call, right?
All right.
Lonesome Losers sent in a phone card.
Thank you, Lonesome Loser, and, uh, here it goes.
This is the operator with a collect all from, except the charges.
Let's see if I can figure this out, all right.
One, now.
Destination number nine.
Minute.
We need confirmation.
Yeah.
We need to confirm this is working.
Now, let me clear the line, and we'll call someone else, all right?
Who's the next one we're with?
Yeah, I need a song here.
I gotta play a song.
I got the husband earlier in that call.
Oh, you did?
I was like, is your daughter there?
And he hung up on me right away.
I'm not sure she heard you. We gotta make sure, you know what I mean?
Alright, you gotta request a song request here real quick while I, uh...
Damn it. Excuse me. I don't know how my song was ready.
Can you hear me, dude?
Yeah, I can hear you.
Hang on, let's play some Bun B, I suppose.
Don't give a fuck about the Feds, DEA, ATF, Task Force, Jump Out Boards, and the North American Robots.
Baby, I got to keep on switching.
Your balance dollar, 80, 8, 10.
Please enter your destination number now.
Alright, I'm calling the next one.
The state was on fire, heated in the gas, tank or the tire
A bull above the new, a fire
As the back of the car, at the last hour
Now check your nigga that was doing it in nine
Alright, I have to talk too loud, talk too loud
Who's this?
What's up dawg, what you doing?
Who's this?
Mike man, you partying tonight or what?
Mike who?
Bobbski
You got the wrong number
I don't got the wrong number, this is Chris isn't it?
No, it's not Chris
What's your name bro?
At least we know you can hear us
Yeah, you can hear us, what was that at the end there?
Kind of scary
I don't got any of these people's fucking numbers though
It's like normal. It's like random shit.
Which one is the Mexican one?
Who's the Mexican dude you called? Is that the last one?
Felix. No, I haven't given you his number yet. Hold on.
Alright, alright. Give me Felix. I want to call that Mexican dude.
I want to talk to him myself.
Hang on. Let me clear the line here and see if I get this right.
I turn that off.
And then I think you guys hear me still.
And then I come here and I turn this off.
And then I turn that on. And look at that. Awesome.
That is too cool. Oh yeah, I got to turn Mad Men back on.
God, this is so confusing.
motions between calls. Are you there, man-man? Do you hear me? Am I on? Yes, you are. Excellent.
Good. There it is. Wow, man. I'll give you the, uh, I'll give you the home phone number
first, and then they convince me to, I convince them to give me a cell phone number, so here
you go. So we got both of them. This is Felix, you said? Yep. Cool. Yep. I'll talk to Felix's
family. How to, what do you use to play shit, uh, fucking soundboards, sound, uh, there's
an swf file not to swf file yeah swf play i'm working on it folks bear with me i don't have
half the audio on this computer that i used to but uh okay oh yeah man we gotta we gotta test
a break concept you know what i mean by a break concept what's up we're gonna test out a break
concept you know what i mean like we'd be doing a show we'd be bullshitting let's say we'd be
talking like this right here say man i don't give a fuck about it we're like yeah yada yada
Blah, zee, blah, zah, right?
And then we say, okay, we're gonna take a break now.
It's, what time is it?
It's 2.28.
1.28 Central Standard Time.
It's 2.28 in the West, in the East Coast.
We're taking a break.
You're listening to Madhouse Radio.
Fucking, I got it all wrong here.
Or 98.6 The Mouth.
I don't have that ready yet, but you're listening to Madhouse Radio on 98.6 The Mouth and PCU.
We'll be right back after this, folks.
Folks, don't go anywhere.
You're being kind of a dick, bro.
You heard me.
I say, I say, I say, fuck you, you, you, you pussy-ass motherfucker.
You, you dick sucker.
There, you've done.
Now that the representative of South Africa has been my program,
it is your honor to run under my control.
When they meet tomorrow in special session,
I, the builder, the master of the world,
I will just in case.
Madhouse Radio will be back right after this
Don't you think you're being kind of like
I think you're being kind of a dick
Bro, bro, bro, bro, that's not even cool to say that
Bro, bro, bro
Alright, that worked, good, that's new
Did you hear that yet, before that?
Is that the first time you hear it?
That's the first time I heard the bro, bro
Yeah, that's Dr. Bro
Alright, you sent me those numbers, I assume
Yep
Alright, cool, we'll try one more
We'll see if I can talk and you can talk at the same time
Without it getting all confusing
Uh, we need another song
let me go to the mf doom search do do do do do do do do do what song is this here
oh this is a song called spidey senses spidey senses all right all right the next prank call
is coming right up there's all of the natural foods out here now then i have to go a dessert
here i have to go i'm conducting a cooking class today good health to you all uh over this way
Oh, I got it. Nice.
Hey, Holmes, you got the stuff?
You got the money?
Please enter your PIN number now.
I get it.
Your balance is $4.76.
Please enter your destination number now.
If this hour should ever come, you will stand in front of me, next to me, and behind me, and we will win again in the lower sign!
Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the numbers and dial again. Please confirm your destination. You have 12 hours, 26 minutes remaining.
Are you talking or am I talking?
You're talking!
Oh yeah, duh, supposed to meet you. There we go.
The call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.
The mailbox...
You didn't answer.
1, 5, 7, 5...
I'll leave a message.
3, 7, 2, 8...
Is full.
What?
Did you fill it, dude?
To enter another number...
No.
You fucking filled it.
Yeah, you did.
Leave a return.
Start the next one.
Dirty messages.
Hang on.
Are you still there?
Yes, I'm still here, bitch.
1, to enter another number, press 2.
Pencils ready.
Number 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2...
It's time to enter the mainframe center Locked hourglass, flash sensor, sensor
Our feathers never cross
Blastmasters, only mentors Get passed through the last set of sectors
Adventures open doors, once a simple plan leaves
The common man, more support than a toss
Take decks on pause, but who never stopped the world from its hectic course
Electro's back, time codes
A rogue blastmasters, crap when froze
Leave Pharisees, in trap peak modes
Transmitted tracks, and quarter inch jacks
Only app message, penetrate stats on Dax
Encoded by MFDax, that'll go whack
On titanium split mats
Please enter your PIN number now
Your balance is $4.64
Please enter your destination number now
Hey G, have milk?
Your mother
Hey, do you speak English, sir?
Yeah, a little bit.
Why is she picking up the phone?
I don't know.
Why does your wife pick up the phone like that?
I don't know.
You're not the man of the house?
Does she control your house?
Nobody.
I'm looking for someone who's going to answer the phone.
I'm looking for a real man, not a man who makes his wife answer the phone.
He's afraid.
They're insulting him.
Bueno.
That was Felix.
Felix the cat.
I've got to get faster at this.
But hey, it's working, dude.
And still no echo, right?
You promised me you don't hear yourself back when you talk, right?
Nope.
Good.
good athena athena says hi to somebody who do you say hi to me oh hi athena okay i guess that's my
sign to leave no it's fine no i'm done right madman we've done our job here right oh yeah
yeah we we know that uh that uh we have a phone patch working get us both on the line yeah let's
try let's try one that lonesome losers in here hang on we got julius caesar birth of booty we
got a birth of booty what else do we have here harry and celeste hacker barrel wigger jesus
is danger oh that's gotta be fun jesus danger i sent one for a chick i called earlier and i
called her up asking her if her pants were off because i was coming over okay which one was that
which one was that was uh the last one you sent right there that's the girl i talked about okay
hey baby you got your pants off i'm coming over okay she was all down about it right
okay she was down she talked for a while okay which one the very last one the one ends in five
is that the one very last one okay the one ends in five yeah yeah ten four i want to hear the
rest of the song, but, uh, no. Let's play this. Dope Skill.
And I don't need that, I'll let you get on the track, holla back, he's still in the car.
Please enter your plane number now.
So what, a low-cut price in pro, via some bogus marriage license to a mole.
Your balance is $4.52.
Please enter your...
If she plays along again, I'll lead you into the car.
Alright.
He said yes to Mr. Charlie, I finally shut the fuck up, I'm trying to twist his mind.
You have 12 hours, 7 minutes remaining.
Okay.
It's Chris Farley. Crack a total chill before you end up like Chris Farley.
Like Chris Farley.
I'm sorry. I can't get to my phone right now. I'll leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
Nah.
When you have finished recording, you may hang up or press pound for more options.
Hey, baby. Hey, baby.
My donkey's calling.
I told you earlier I didn't know if you had your pants off because I was coming over.
I got my cousin on the line. He wants to hit you in the ass.
Huh? Never heard of that shit, yo.
Yeah, yeah, yo. I want to make it nasty, you know.
I want to make it like you're on your period, but you're not on your period.
That's sick. I'm ashamed of myself.
Yeah. Let's play one more thing here for her real quick.
Don't worry, baby. I'm gonna call you tomorrow if you have your pants off because I'm going over.
It's probably going to get us reported now for playing all this shit.
Hang on.
Clear the line.
Awesome.
I'm glad how that works.
It's awesome.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
We have the shit.
I'll call her tomorrow and ask her if she can hear both of us.
Yeah.
Yeah, ask her.
Hey, by the way.
Did you hear all those weird sounds?
I'm going to call her and be like, hey, baby, you got your pants off?
Yeah.
That's funny.
Yeah.
You got away with the ladies, man, man.
Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, whatever.
All right.
We're going to get out of here.
98.2.
All right, man.
Good testing.
It was good.
It went very well on the mouth.
All right, everybody.
Thanks for listening, whoever did.
I'm glad you figured everything out.
That's right, man.
We're going to have a good show next week.
So if you aren't listening, we'll be back next Thursday, the 14th.
It'll be me, Madman, might make it, right?
Milkman's going to be here.
Yep.
We might also have DJ Glowworm's going to make a comeback.
He said he might join our show from now on.
That'd be cool.
That's it.
Thanks for listening to our test session.
Yes, thanks for having us.
And it's just
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