2007-01-11 Show

And who plays What Happens in America?

Well, we steamed your ass in World War II.

What do you have to do?

We never did.

And who helped you out just now?

You piss off, woman.

Don't talk to me like that.

We don't need you anyway, bitch.

So, fuck you.

Call me a stinky, stinky fucker.

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Hey, everybody.

Turn the music down, Milkman.

Jeez.

Get on the home team, the home page, Milkman.

Do it right.

Oops.

God, man.

Never do anything.

I ain't turning up here, Kenny.

Yeah.

hey everybody we're here welcome to the madhouse welcome to the madhouse oh you sound you sound

nice and good madman very good thank you yes i agree you're cloned hey clone what's up man

not a lot man it's glad to be back white power white powder yeah yeah smoke weed every day

green power i'm gonna do that right now i haven't smoked uh since i woke up this morning so it's

time to do that now cloned uh madman you want to go ahead and do that on three on three sure sure

All right, everybody, music down, Milkman, the designated driver.

All right.

All right, and one, and two, and three.

Are we ready?

Two, one.

That's how you start a show right there.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're here.

We're in a good mood tonight, too, aren't we?

Are we all in a good mood, Milkman?

You're not on the rack tonight again?

We're ready to rock the man.

Yeah, man.

So it's going to be a short show because I've got to be up at 5.30 a.m. tomorrow.

No kidding.

It's going to be a bad day tomorrow.

Holy shit.

5.30.

5.30 a.m.

That's right.

I got class in the morning, and I got to get up extra early.

It's the first day of class.

Nice, Milkman.

Now we know who the one here.

Oh, man.

We know who the one is here that has the gas.

Somebody just...

I'm going to peep out.

Yeah, whatever.

That was Milkman, everybody.

We're going to call him Gasman for the rest of the night.

You guys okay with that?

Clone and Lazy?

Lazyman?

Blame on the old Milkman.

Gasman.

I'm constipated.

I can't shit.

Yeah.

I like constipation.

It's fun, man.

Both ends up.

Constipation is not fun, man.

Milkman, get yourself organized over there.

I got a lot of mic noise from you.

You know, even Clone Zone is better than you tonight.

What's going on here?

Woo-hoo!

So, look.

You can't stand on the microphone.

Yeah, I got to fart, too, tonight, a lot.

So, watch out for that.

You know, if you take Milkman and you add Madhouse, what do you get?

Madman.

So, yeah.

Anyway, we got Madman here tonight.

We got Milkman here tonight.

We got Clone here tonight.

night i am carlito and we're being uh man we all day in the house you get a milky mad man don't

you yeah milk milkman mad milk mad cow there's something up with me the two of you are up to

something you got mad cow yeah go ahead the clone that has the floor you know guys can't catch uh

mad cow guys can't only women yeah why is that according to women we're all pigs oh he's here

you all night everybody don't miss uh don't miss clone freaking balls tonight this is almost as

funny as goon head goon head uh the goonin guy what's his name carl's goon head chuck goon yeah

man chuck goon about as funny as that part that's zolar's zolar's uh zolar's friend chuck uh goon

hash yeah so so yeah yeah zolar is something else man and lego i spoke to uh dr lego and zolar

our earlier tonight.

It was nice talking to them.

They said hi.

Dr. Schmeggo.

Yes, Dr. Schmegma.

Dr. Jewenstein.

Dr. motherfucking Schmeggo.

Dr. Jewenspitz called tonight.

It's good to talk to him.

Jewenspitz?

Jewenspitz.

Nunu says,

have you called that guy recently?

Is he working?

Or is he actually at home?

Maybe he's making

listening noises tonight.

I don't know, man.

I don't know.

I'm getting high real quick here.

I'll be darned.

Yeah, so who should we call tonight?

Who's smoking?

Who should we call tonight?

Where's Lonesome Loser, man?

Stormshadow, what's up, man?

Make yourself heard.

Yeah, there he is.

He's in there.

He's in here somewhere.

He'll be reporting soon, hopefully with numbers.

If not, then we're going to end the show because I don't trust anybody else except for him.

Except for Nunu sometimes.

Nunu says that we should call some dude that we recently, from one of my promos,

it played recently.

I think his name was Larry.

He had a stupid voice and said the call was vulgar.

Larry.

Larry, Larry, Larry.

Did I call Larry, Milkman?

what was that oh that's fake that's fake no you know what that's the cut up of another prank call

i made it sound like it was me i know he's talking about that that is like the first promo of the

show right uh yeah that's that's fake i'm sorry to tell you man that's that's fake that's buddy

that's that's buddy sorry to let you down sorry to let you down but that's actually fake i think

this is the one he's talking about hang on let me get it queued up here milkman cut the music

real quick for me man all right not that all right hang on

hey man what's going on yeah look there buddy can you tell larry that the madhouse will be right

back i'm sorry i don't know larry i'm sorry i don't know larry he must be out of your mind

god damn it god damn it i'm sorry this conversation is vulgar and i'm not gonna

to talk any longer god damn it god that's it man that's what he was talking about uh let me play

you the real version of that that's nice it's one of these right here that's all fake that's all

fake though i think this is the right one buddy you're on real radio 104.1 hello and that's not

the right one that's what the guy sounds like though he calls them a lot hang on let me see

if i can here it is yeah yeah that's buddy buddy from home hey buddy from home you're on real

radio one-on-one hey man what's going on hey buddy how you doing well he seems upbeat it's me body

you sound great today buddy well thank you very much how are you i'm doing just fine well good

what's going on um we're just uh we're just doing a radio show at least trying to today

that's what you tell me you've been doing for a while i know that so how are things things are

things are okay well i think uh myself and bubba will feel a little wacky today

Oh, well, that's understandable.

It'd be in that new moon and everything.

Bigger moon, you know.

Yeah.

The moon is bigger.

14% bigger today.

Oh, well, is that so?

Yeah, that is so.

Well, that's crazy.

What's going on?

Buddy, you sound very upbeat and very happy today.

Well, thank you very much.

You sound great, too.

Normally, you sound kind of crazy, but today you sound, I mean.

I think you're going to sound loopy.

You're normal.

You sound terrific today.

day well for 90 you're you're 94 years old aren't you all right yeah i just had a birthday well

congratulations thank you very much so what do you plan on doing today well i figured i'd get up and

have a nice breakfast yeah then maybe i exercise in the morning from time to time really and you

know i am in a nursing home i'll probably just hang out here for a while watch some tv and then

Then go play bingo later tonight and then go to bed.

How's Larry doing?

What?

How is Larry doing?

I'm sorry.

I don't know a Larry.

Larry the potato.

He must be out of your mind.

Hey, what about the black whores?

I'm sorry.

This conversation is vulgar, and I'm not going to talk any longer.

Oh, buddy.

Hold on.

So that's how I made it.

Isn't that sad?

That's like, yeah.

That was pretty funny.

You made it a lot better.

Yeah.

That guy is funny.

Funny, buddy.

4.1 hello hey buddy hey so what you doing nothing buddy what are you doing relaxing

you know uh on a cool one yeah i appreciate you calling so um what are you doing up so late

you know it's it's 2 30 all right i don't know why i keep playing that but that's just a gist

I'm sorry.

We got way off a track here, man.

I'm high.

I'm sorry, everybody.

I'm sorry, Cloned and Madman and Milkman for doing that also.

Let's just continue.

Cut back up the music.

Here we go.

There we go.

Thank you, Milkman, for playing the music again and keeping us on course.

No problem, man.

LOL Nunu says, the first line sounds fake, but not the rest.

Well, hey, thanks, man.

That does come across really good.

Buddy from home.

The story is, do you guys remember the Beverly Hillbillies real quick?

You remember the Beverly Hillbillies?

Oh, yes, of course.

Do you remember Buddy Epson?

He was the Jed, the old guy.

Barbie Jones, yes, Jed.

All right, well, Buddy Epson called this people for an interview once.

He was like 96 years old.

He was really old, like late 80s, and he was talking just like that.

He was like, like that, and they started making fun of him, and he got mad, and he hung up.

So after that, like every other day, one of the people on this morning show, they could imitate him really well,

And that was him right there

That was Daniel

And he would call in all the time

Talking real weird about weird stuff

And it sounded like some old guy from home

It was weird

So that's the story

You mean it sounded like an old guy from home?

Just like that, yeah

Just like that

A lot of people fell for it

A lot of people really thought it was Buddy Epson

It made national news at one point

I don't know

But he ended up dying

And they stopped doing it

After he died out of respect

And I think that's great

Oh, that's a shame

I think

I bet Clone

He would keep doing it

You know, because he's lowbrow

Yeah, I could

Yeah

I'm going to take another hit here real quick.

Well, that's just like that call that KDK did to Adolf at Christmas.

Adolf stole my light.

Adolf's been dead for eight years.

Who the fuck is Adolf?

Adolf Hitler?

Yeah, the call that KDK did on a Christmas year.

No, man, we got breaking news here.

Breaking news.

Go ahead.

All right, if you remember, Sam the Donut Man, he disappeared, kind of.

You know, we lost the phone number.

Yeah, that's right.

I heard he went to Guadalajara.

Well, no, no, no, we will, he came back, but we will call the phone number, we get a fax line.

Well, apparently, breaking news out of the Madhouse satellite room is that Lonesome Loser has found a second number.

Lonesome Loser has found a second number for the same store.

So, that's breaking news here.

If you enjoy, you know, fuck you, bitch, motherfucker guy, there it is.

We're going to be calling him.

It looks like we'll be calling him in a little bit here.

here so be be uh be excited everybody be excited everybody that's coming up soon we got more

breaking news i'm excited i'm so excited yeah dtt says he has class tomorrow also news did you know

dtt has class tomorrow also oh my god i didn't know that all right okay do you guys uh you get

a golden star if you can tell me what class dtt is uh taking tomorrow milkman uh go ahead and go

Go first.

English.

No, not English.

Milkman.

Upper room.

No.

Madman, your guess.

Computer networking.

No, everybody.

The correct answer is flight school.

Flight school.

Be scared, people.

I know you're scared.

DTT's going to flight school tomorrow.

Watch out.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, man.

I have some breakfast for you, Carlito.

Yeah.

Stop that, Milkman.

That's not funny.

I like to welcome some new listeners, man.

Stop that.

Milkman, shut it off, please.

Thank you.

All right, that's too loud, man.

Come on, what's wrong with you?

All right, what are you trying to say, Milkman?

Let's get this going on the ball.

Welcome to some new listeners, man.

We got a listener, Papa Bear, way down south, Georgia.

And a brand new listener, Mr. K, man, a very good friend of mine.

Mr. K's out there busting his canes, working his rear end off.

Mr. Klan.

I'd like to say howdy to my buddy, Mr. K.

Mr. Klan, everybody.

Mr. Klan.

All right.

I want to say hello to Special K.

Special K.

My favorite cereal.

Okay.

Special K.

Ketamine.

Clone, what are you doing tonight?

Are you drinking or are you...

Smoking weed.

What's the flavor of the night over there?

Actually, I'm just smoking regs tonight.

I'm going to hook up tomorrow.

Oh, okay.

I'm drinking Coquito.

Anybody know what Coquito is out there?

Oh, yeah, man.

That's some good shit, bro.

Bro, it's the time of year.

It's a Puerto Rican eggnog made with really strong illegal sugar.

Yeah, like eggnog with coconut.

Yeah, but it's made with sugarcane rum.

It's basically like Puerto Rican moonshine.

It's in that, too.

It's really strong, and I got it from Puerto Rico.

Oh, yeah.

I got it straight from Puerto Rico yesterday.

My mom came by.

Yeah, we get that shit right here, bro.

Everybody's busting DTT's chops.

DTT, he's mad.

I'm sorry.

He says it's networking, okay?

Everybody networking.

Okay.

All right.

AI networking.

All right.

We're sorry, man.

Stop that.

I wonder where he got that idea.

Don't do that again, Milkman.

All right.

We got to call this guy.

We got his number here.

The new number for Dunkin' Donuts in Michigan that we call.

The Detroit.

Oh, man.

All right.

We got a woman who just answered.

A new woman.

Lonesome Loser reports it sounds like a new woman.

So, all right, man.

Man, I'm so excited about this.

You have no idea.

We haven't talked to my brother in so long.

I'm going to hook this all up.

What do I do usually now?

I play a song, right?

Yeah, okay.

Hang on.

I've got to find a song.

That's right.

Yeah, okay.

All right.

You got the card from last week, right?

I don't know.

Someone throw a song suggestion for me.

Hurry it up, man.

Anybody.

Whoever's first.

All right, man.

Don't ride the white horse.

Not that.

We played that last week.

Clone, what do you got?

What's your gift?

Cypress Hill, something.

How about Johnny Cash?

Johnny Cash.

Oh, Johnny Cash.

Johnny Cash.

Oh, my God, I love Johnny Cash.

I'm Milkman.

The new Cypress Hill song, Vato.

Yeah, that's a good song.

You got a point.

Milkman, we'll play Johnny Cash next.

Well, what Johnny Cash song you want on?

Go think about that for the next prank.

I'm sorry, man.

All right.

But who's that by?

Snoop Dogg, right?

Vato?

Dogg.

All right, we'll be right back after this.

Oh, man.

I'm going to get this great Snoop Dogg song, man, mixed with Jimmy Hendrix' Voodoo Child for you, man.

I'll get it for you.

Oh, shit.

I was chilling right around my way.

21st East Side of the Beach

Hey brother, how you doing?

Hey man, I was wondering if you had my debit card still

I called in and you have found it one time

You remember that man?

Debit card?

My debit card machine thing

What's your name?

My name is Valente

Yeah, I think I dropped it with the, you know, it's in the office

In the office?

Yeah, you can come tomorrow in the morning if you want

Are you going to be there?

No, the owner is going to be here

What is the owner's name?

Tits.

Tits?

Yes.

T-I-T-S?

T-E-D.

T-E-T-T?

Yes, sir.

Okay, hang on.

Is this the right number?

I mean, how do I get to the office?

I wanted to talk to him in the office, you know?

I'm sorry?

I wanted to talk to him in the office.

Yeah, but he's going to be here tomorrow in the morning early.

Fuck you, bitch, motherfucker.

Excuse me?

Yes.

Excuse me, sir?

I'm sorry?

Fuck you, bitch, motherfucker.

Say what?

Fuck you, bitch.

He recognized us.

Fuck you, bitch motherfucker.

We've made contact with him again.

We've made coincidences, man.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I kind of messed that one up.

But hey, man, we got this new number.

That's awesome.

All right, let's hear it for Sam the Donut Man.

We'll call him back.

You thought he could run, but you can't hide from the MADOW.

That's right, man.

We got funds.

Whoa.

Excuse me, I fell down.

Lonesome Loser just rocks.

Lonesome Losers is fucking shit

he's the fucking shit I wanted to say

he's sending a bunch of numbers already too

look guys I told him to take it easy

tonight because I'm not going to do a late show

we're going to end soon

I have a best of that I can

play if

PCR wants to carry it

PCR can carry it if someone wants to go live

go ahead

it'll be playing on the

rest of the networks though

So, the rest of our affiliates.

Well, who knows?

Maybe I'll go on later.

Maybe, Clone.

Clone, man, I produced that intro for you, man.

You really liked that intro.

I thought it was kind of weak, but you say you like it.

It's all right.

It's kind of long.

Yeah, it is kind of long.

Well, you're supposed to talk, you know, with the music in the background when the clapping

starts at the second song.

Yeah, it was high, dude.

Yeah, I see.

You got to pay attention.

I'll shorten it down for you.

Excuse me.

Damn it.

Wow.

No excuse for you, dude.

No, it's no excuse for me.

I deserve worse

I deserve

I don't deserve any friends

I deserve to be broke

Like I am

I disloan you

Yeah

I'm not loved

By anybody

That's what Kitty K would say

What's Milkman doing?

Is he jerking off

Watching his cat

Praying herself?

Yeah Kitty

Man man

Oh yeah Kitty

Go lick

Lick your fur baby

Milkman's like

The other day

Milkman called me

The other day

He's like

Did you know a cat

Can lick between his ass?

I was like

Okay man

That's cool

What the fuck

That's what he said to me

Isn't that sick?

What does that mean?

That was Milkman the other day.

That's a strange message.

The other day, Milkman said that he was smelling motorcycle seats in the parking lot at the grocery store.

I'm like, what the fuck for?

That's just fucked up.

Man, you didn't know my girl Sweet Kisses rides a Harley?

No, I didn't know.

Sweet Kisses rides a Harley?

Wow.

Oh, yeah, man.

Does she drink beers?

Oh, no, she don't drink beer.

No, she doesn't drink beer.

She's a Dr. Pepper fan.

What does she drink?

Wine?

Dr. Pepper.

right on hey man how about another prank call huh you know what i drink man man said it man man you

know well we gotta talk to mad man here last week i was told that mad man got upset and refused and

refused to talk to us i think we offended mad man are you mad man is mad man mad man no i'm not mad

man mad man he's not mad man mad man's not mad that's a good thing man yeah that's that's very

Very good, man. We want to keep the man happy.

Madman, so what about the rumors?

Madman, what about the rumors that...

Hang on, we need an exclusive interview with Madman here.

We're going to confront him with something very serious.

Madman, quiet.

Alright, quiet milkman.

Madman, are you aware of the rumors of you losing a particular group of people on your server?

Know anything about that?

Be more specific.

specific um i hear pcu is going to be uh leaving the irc.lazy-net.de no comment on that yeah you

didn't know about that i don't know maybe i'm putting you on the spot i feel bad but i that

my sources work this stuff behind the scenes my sources have indicated as such and we just

don't trust anyone but a few people all right well there you go that's madman's take on the

whole situation man you heard it here first madhouse news i'm the one with no comment

get cloned has no comment this time call any comment on that clone you're usually all

all right no we're not going to talk about it we're going to continue moving on with the show

positive milkman's making funny noises uh hell's fury sending me numbers can we trust hell's fury

milkman he's sending you these numbers what's the story can you explain this to me i'm not listening

to him right now go ahead yeah man he's the one that sent us a great call about that pastor

It was over a year ago, man.

We called the pastor.

It was a good call, man.

Okay.

Be careful, though, man.

He's been sending the same number to all the hosts.

Is he poop, possibly?

Are you telling me Dave Parks?

No, he's not poop.

He's been here about a year and a half.

He was gone for quite a while.

All right.

Has anybody called the...

Hang on.

You guys tell me.

me has anybody called the sakara the super goth chick anybody called her yet i haven't heard of

her so i heard that one taylor's mom premise say that taylor's pregnancy test confirmed who's taylor

who has a pregnancy test anybody know about that came back positive oh man that's some shit man

how scary is it have you guys ever been in a situation where like you know there's a possible

pregnancy you ever get in that situation and that's some scary shit man oh damn man once i

I thought I was pregnant.

I had to take a shit.

I didn't know where it was.

Great.

Thank you for that visual of a fetus coming out of your ass.

That you somehow managed to put in there.

It was a little brown boy.

Milkman sat down on a kid and then went up his ass and died and rotted until he shitted out.

And he thinks he's a mother now because of that.

Wow.

We're going nowhere tonight real fast.

I'm sorry, folks.

folks hang on man all of it no that's you you're high yeah i don't know there's a high as a matter

of fact are we live milk milkman are we okay are we live wow it's memory i don't know so who's

gonna play the best of man clone you're the spokesman for for the r you're gonna go on live

yeah the r we're gonna go off in about a half hour here and shit oh you know i might all right

I don't know.

Let us know.

It's a pain in the ass to have to switch.

Yeah.

It is.

It is, man.

There's a lot of settings, a lot of buttons you got to push, and sliders to do.

You know?

I hate that shit.

You know?

I know.

When can I just think it and it happens?

You know what I mean?

You know what really sucks?

I'll be writing stuff down, and then I got to type it up, and I'm like, I wish I could

just, you know, take what I'm writing and put it right in the computer.

You know?

Yeah.

I'm thinking out loud, too.

Wow.

Why can't we write stuff and it gets picked up on a computer screen, madman?

You're the tech expert.

When's that happening?

Don't got the program, man.

All right.

Well, we should.

Text recognition, man.

I hear all about it.

They've been talking about it for 20 years, and it never happens.

What the fuck?

Get with it, man.

Stop it.

Actually, there's a program, Dragon or something.

Yeah.

What about that iPhone?

Anybody have a comment on the iPhone?

Anybody care here, milkman?

No, thanks, man.

I don't want any Mac garbage.

All right.

Clone, have you seen it?

do you care are you even aware of it don't care it's too expensive uh it's apple madman you own

an ipod just like me i've got a video ipod i'm fine yeah me too right you know i'm saying 599

for eight gigs just because it's flash memory you know what i'm saying but here's the shit man

you know it has a nunu said he likes that phone because you can contact all the gays on it oh

Oh, okay.

So what, Nunu's a gay?

Yeah, he just messaged me.

Okay.

Well, he said he could cancel.

Yeah, he could contact his gay friends.

Whatever.

Those British people, they're sick.

They're all bisexual, those British people.

Hi, man.

I don't want to talk you off right now.

Say, how's Nunu?

That's the Nunu.

The Nunu.

Nunu-ner.

Nunu-nu.

Wow.

Okay.

We're going to call someone else.

We've only done one.

You need a bloody wanker, Nunu.

We've only done one prank call tonight.

night hey we got madness pictures all right madness pictures that madness get on it madness

madness the pastor's not dude oh who's the pastor good one man that guy's an ass i don't want to

speak to him he's an ass he was very rude to me the last time i called him i don't know i don't

appreciate him you call me no i remember the last time i called him he was pretty rude to me and i

don't appreciate that i ain't gonna call that guy back you know mary menzies you got some man over

Why don't you call his father McDougal?

I don't know.

I'm going to call Madness Pictures.

Is that okay?

Can I do that?

God damn it.

No, Jack Masterson.

Whatever.

Madness Pictures, everybody, coming up next.

I want to hear Rotisserie Barbecue Williams tonight.

Maybe I'll have Madness Pictures.

All right, fine.

Rotisserie Wallace is the name.

That's the black dude.

I probably suck at this.

That's the man I want to hear.

Whatever.

whatever all right you got to play something for this guy okay all right hang on everybody

this is a great night in my life they all you know that that i am a great person and i have

that to say to you milkman and madman and clone you're you're all fucking great you know milkman's

audio never works why why doesn't milkman audio ever work huh why doesn't milkman you're the

the worst person to talk to you know what i mean you ever try to call milkman on the phone it

sounds just as bad as it is it does on here because he lives in the virgin islands man

what's up with that get out of the virgin islands milkman right man i've got a great job working for

the rascal scooter factory we just got done with the wheels across america tour rascal scooters

i got a new i got a new partner my boss mr k he's helping design the new two-wheeled rascal scooter

all right man really we got to do pranks here people are mad you know dr lego just sent me a

text message on my on my sidekick and it's not very happy so uh you know we're gonna get canceled

here because apparently we're not doing a good job tonight and zolar is uh talking shit about me too

in the chat room so you know you know that's that's who my friends are everybody be quiet

milkman you're on timeout put milkman on timeout clone that's rude and put you on timeout

and I'm going to put Madman on timeout.

We're going to do a prank call right now.

Hang on, folks.

Hello?

Yeah, what up?

This is Rotisserie Wallace.

How are you doing?

I'm wondering.

I'm trying to get some video of myself done.

I'm trying to create a compilation video of mine.

I want to try to get a trade.

I'm a free agent after this season

and wheezing the playoffs.

Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You're calling an adult movie company?

Exactly.

I want to do some video.

I'm trying to get something big

stirring out there on the internet.

Okay, well, you need to call back on Monday

because there's no one here.

Oh, who's this I'm talking to?

My name is Rochelle.

Have you heard of me, Rotisserie Wallace, number 23?

I know.

Oh, come on, baby.

Number 23 with the Eagles.

I'm the fourth string quarterback for the Eagles, yo.

Call back on Monday, okay?

Yeah, but you know who I am.

I'm Rotisserie Wallace.

I know.

Come on, dog.

Damn.

I think those are KDK movies.

I think they are.

are they make kdk movies i should have played that yeah this is uh carlito i'm in front of kdk

oh our biggest customer that's what he would say our biggest customer him and his little keith

that's what the owner is gonna say to me when i call on monday bitch he knows kdk madness pictures

they got the madness wow like madman madman is so mad he's got the madness in his in his in his name

The madness.

He's got the power of Satan is in him.

He's got an evil spirit.

Evil, evil spirit.

Anyway.

Command V, Daffodil, I'm about to come out.

Dextroamphetamine.

What's that?

What's that do to you, clone?

Actually, I don't know, but dextroamphetamine.

I'm thinking it'll speed you up.

That's cool.

It's called Dexadrine.

Dexadrine?

Is it that stuff that you can't buy more than three packages of that at a time?

Is that the shit?

that that's something that used to be prescription that's uh riboflavin which one is that one man

the one that you can make uh can't you make like uh speed bombs with it like doesn't it

explode in houses and shit pseudofed yeah that's right pseudofedrine pseudoefadrine

yeah you can't allow it no more market yeah you can make meth with it crystal meth right

that's some shit right there crystal meth man yeah don't mess with the meth man you don't want

the meth mouth right you ever heard about meth mouth meth mouth man my name is meth mouth i need

a meth monster man this is meth mouth i need to start calling people's meth mouth the order of

meth mouth fuck yeah yeah what up this is meth mouth how y'all do meth mouth earth dog says

breaking news there's fucking breaking news earth dog says there you go breaking news breaking news

Earth Dog is a gay, everybody.

Earth Dog is a gay.

Breaking news.

Oh, my gosh.

He just came out of the closet.

Undeclared vibes.

Congratulations.

Earth Dog coming out of the closet live on Thursday night.

Madhouse Radio, where you get it.

Madhouse Radio News in the mouth and on the mouth.

Unfiltered, unsent, you know.

Mouth, mouth, mouth.

The meth mouth.

We'll send it to the meth mouth tonight.

98.6 to mouth.

Man we're all fucked up man

What's going on

What the fuck are we talking about

Who the fuck has dial up

Man man you got dial up right

I'm on my 32k

That's the dad

Hey guys

The dad is here

Hey you know what we need to play the gang bang motherfuckers don't we

How long has it been since we played the gang bang

We haven't played the gang bang

In almost a year now

Well last year we did

I'm going to play that tonight, right quick.

Not yet.

It's been almost a year, man.

Whatever.

We're going to do a prank call first.

Let's play it before the break.

Yeah, whatever.

Maybe during the break.

I don't know.

I've got to take a break.

You leave.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

PM Gang Bang, I think it's called.

There it is.

That's available online at MadHouseLive.com, everybody.

MadHouseLive.com.

That was a legendary call, man.

Hallmark, trademark.

Oh!

Call from the Madhouse.

Stand by, everybody.

We do have extremely breaking news, Athena.

Athena, can you please come here?

I need to make an announcement to you, please.

Everybody stand by.

We're following breaking news here in the satellite center.

Breaking news here in the satellite center.

Athena, I'd like to let you know,

unconfirmed sources are reporting

that a bomb has ripped through the U.S. Embassy in Athens, Greece,

a city named after you, Athena.

These are unconfirmed reports, however.

I don't see anything substantiating that

in the satellite network as of yet,

so we shall see if Earth Dog is saying the truth.

I used to party in the town of Athens.

Athens, okay.

Yeah, well, I just want to say this right here.

Let me tell you something to all you meth mouths like Earth Dog.

You don't want to send us fake news.

You don't want to send us fake news because if you send us fake news,

you're going to be banned for the rest of the night from the chat room.

Let me tell you, young man.

So you better hope to God that some great people die tonight

because if that didn't happen, I'm going to kick you out of the chat room.

Look, man, work on that, all right?

Let me know if that's real.

But I don't play people sending me fake news.

Alright, so don't try that, everybody.

Alright, this just in.

Alright, go ahead. This just in.

Kim Jong-il launches a nuclear weapon at the United States.

Alright.

Alright, good, everybody.

Run for your life.

It's going to hit Connecticut, everybody. Watch out.

I don't know where it's going to hit.

Where is it going?

Where would it be a nice place to get nuked that we could deal with?

If we had to nuke one part of the country, what do you think?

I want to say...

Nuke the Virgin Islands.

The Virgin Islands, yeah.

Nuke the Virgin Islands, right?

No, one of the 50 states.

One of the 50 states.

What state would you...

Hawaii or Alaska.

Hawaii or Alaska?

Something on the west coast, ding dong.

I don't know.

I'd say maybe like North Dakota.

There's nothing out there.

Wyoming.

Nothing in Wyoming.

They're going to Canada, thank God.

Why would they aim for something like that?

I don't know.

I'm just saying, if the country had to lose a major city.

If they were going to shoot something, it would be Los Angeles, bro.

All right.

Okay.

So if the country had...

I'm going to...

Look, if the country is...

If you know Los Angeles, New York, or Chicago is going to get nuked, which one should get

nuked?

Which one would you rather have taken out out of those three cities?

Chicago, right?

I'm sorry, Madman, but that's the first choice.

All right.

Doesn't that make sense?

I don't know.

Whatever you bastard is going to hit Orlando.

No, I'm giving you...

Okay, look, man, Kim Jong-il gets on the phone to the White House.

He's on the White House phone.

Dude, he cannot even barely get at their pants.

No, let's say, listen, motherfuckers, shut up, listen.

Let's say he does, okay?

Let's say he does, and he says, I'm going to take out a city.

It's either going to be Chicago, Los Angeles, or New York.

You tell me which one you want.

You know what I mean?

Or I'm going to make it up my own.

You're going to take out Los Angeles, man.

Los Angeles.

Well, you're saying because it's close.

Because Los Angeles has refineries.

Los Angeles has seaports.

Okay.

So there's a lot of trucking on the connection.

Dude, New York is the financial capital of the fucking world, man.

But it's too far, dude.

They're not going to go for that.

It's the most populated city in America.

You got to hit New York, man.

I always print my money.

But they're not going to hit with a missile, man.

That's why they have to use airplanes.

Well, which one would you give up first?

I'd give up Chicago first.

It's not that important.

important you know it's got a lot of people it's it's like i had to pick one to go it's a b-list

star when it comes to cities you know it's it's the third it's the third isn't chicago the third

after la new york when you say chicago is third in line for what largest yeah one of the biggest

yeah like important cities i guess chicago will be a third one what's number four i don't know

atlanta i guess atlanta they had the olympics i don't know los angeles or dallas dallas is big

I guess

Dallas is a major

Houston

Houston's pretty

Yeah major

I guess so

We have

A lot of oil

And energy

We're forgetting Miami though

Hey man

Miami's like number four

Miami should be number four

Right

That's the most

That's the fourth most

Poverty in the city

I would bet

Probably a fifth

If you're gonna do that

They wanna take out

All the Cubanos

Fucking Cubans

They should

Nuke Miami man

We gotta get

Castro back man

And get him angry

agree okay put him on some sodium pentothal haven't nuked uh florida south florida not north

florida man just central florida leave us alone satan is in satan is coming satan has come all

right all right so anyway um we've got the reverend billy r belcher wow how about that

huh guys reverend billy r belcher i mean that's some shit right there clone you want to do a

prank call man no one's called it anyway mst3 clay says cnn maybe i was told they were reporting

something about it hey knock it off with the belching all right please i'll put you on time

okay it's official i've got the link right here thursday january 11 12 13 a.m police in athens

unable to determine exact location of explosion at u.s embassy at u.s embassy all right well there

There it is, man.

I'll give you the link.

Okay.

Do that.

I'm going to open that up right here.

Thank you very much, Milkman.

Once you send it in.

I'm going to make sure the toll-free line is open here, everybody, first of all.

It's not.

It's not?

You would know.

I'll open it after the break.

Milkman, send me that link.

Thank you very much, Milkman.

Very well done.

I am opening the link, and it does have the date.

WhaleShark dies at Georgia Aquarium.

Oh, that's crazy, man.

That sucks.

What the fuck is a WhaleShark, man?

What the fuck is a WhaleShark?

You don't know what a WhaleShark is, man.

Oh, that's the one in Jackass, right?

It is the largest shark in the world, man.

Is that the one?

It's like half the size of a whale.

Is that the one that?

It has no bones in its body.

It eats plankton.

That's the one that Steve-O swam with someone else, right?

In Jackass, the first one?

I think so, man.

He had a Hot Wheel stuck in his ass.

Yeah, he did, man.

Yeah, he did.

We was getting a call over here.

Watch for Jonathan.

Hang on, hang on.

No, it's not Jonathan.

It's not Jonathan.

I think it's Ted.

Hang on.

Oh, go ahead.

The mouth.

Yeah, this is the mouth.

What are you doing, man?

The Mouth of the South.

Yo, man, I finally got that URL put in the browser.

Yeah, 98.6themouth.com.

Very easy to do, my brother.

What's up, nigga?

Nothing, man.

How you been?

All right, good.

Good.

What do you hear about a bombing in Athens?

True or not true?

What are your thoughts?

My thoughts?

I don't know.

I looked at CNN and I didn't see anything.

I didn't either.

If it was a bomb, it was probably just a little grenade.

Nothing big.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Anyway.

I don't know.

I mean, anywhere there are U.S. embassies.

It wasn't

Was it an embassy

Or what was it

Embassy in Greece

The Grecian embassy

Our embassy in Greece

That's what I'm trying to say

Oh yeah

Then I believe it

Okay

Well

Well there it is

I don't know

I guess we'll monitor the situation

Milkman's on it

You know what I think we should do

Solve this Iraqi situation

Yeah

The whole war on terror

I think we should just

Initiate Armageddon

And just get it over with

And just have everybody

Who has a difference

With everybody else

Just kill each other off

One by one

Yeah

but there has to be some observers, like ten people who are hiding underground,

who are all like-minded individuals.

And then once everyone who has killed each other and there's one person standing,

and the ten people emerge and then kill that one person and start over again.

I agree. I can't say I agree with that. That's kind of morbid, Ted.

You get this morbid sense sometimes, my friend.

Morbid sense, man.

But it's okay. Try to keep it up.

Honestly, how do you solve a problem where everyone hates each other?

You don't.

You don't get involved in the first place.

What the hell are you going to do now, man?

It's not Vietnam.

Now it's even closer.

It's made a bunch of even more people pissed off.

First time around, we just pissed off the Asians.

Not really.

This time around, we pissed off every Muslim country.

The Asians are buying our fucking children from us, and we don't even realize it.

Well, now they're buying the children.

What?

What's this now?

What's this conspiracy?

Report.

It's not a conspiracy.

Seriously, it's known fast that, okay, you ever been standing in line at Walmart or even the freaking grocery store

and you see that Kobe DVD player for like $19.99 after discount?

Okay, yes.

Okay, so you've got to wonder, how can a DVD player be made for, well, it's not being made for $20.

It's being sold at a profit for $20.

They pay those people a lot less than they do in the United States.

Okay, so what happens is that we send all our money and all our jobs over to China for manufacturing.

All this stuff gets produced for very little money.

And then the Chinese turn around and they take that money that we plunked down at Walmart

and they buy savings bonds in our government.

So they're buying up our currency.

So they're buying our future.

Yeah, I've heard about this. You've got a point.

So the cycle is that we keep buying shitty, cheap goods.

They keep polluting the environment and whipping people at the end of a stick to work faster.

And the Chinese government is buying futures in our government.

Yeah, and they're putting a man on the moon, too.

The yellow tide.

Yeah, the yellow tide.

Yellow fever, man.

Is that what it's called when you have the hots for a Chinese girl?

Yellow girl, yeah, yellow fever.

I think that's what it's called.

Yeah, but what he's talking about is called the yellow tide.

The yellow tide, that's what they say.

But they outbreed us.

So we're screwed.

If we say, oh, we're not buying your cheap-ass goods anymore,

they'll say, well, we'll destabilize your economy.

Let me tell you what, man.

I'm a big opponent of Walmart.

I don't shop there.

You ever been to WalmartWatch.com?

Have you seen the movie Walmart, The High Cost of Low Prices?

Yes, I saw it.

Yes, I did.

Have you seen the documentary that Frontline did on Walmart, too?

No.

Very good documentary.

Yeah, they did a very good job.

They showed how bad a company it is because it's very negative.

And they said that basically America ships out raw resources out to China

and China returns goods right back to it.

That's exactly how it works right now.

It's fucked up because they have no environmental control.

Here we are in California with the governor.

We must reduce the greenhouse emissions.

And over in fucking China, some hippie San Franciscan

who is, you know, driving his Prius to and from whatever

doesn't realize that the DVD player he just bought

caused more pollution than he ever would have

had he been driving a non-hybrid car.

I don't know.

You think?

It's so messed up.

Have you heard about the brown cloud from Asia?

No.

The brown cloud.

That makes its way over to Europe,

and it's like all the pollution that gets...

Yeah?

Yeah, something like that.

Something like that.

That's fucked up.

The fucking brown cloud, man.

Oh, man.

They should call it the yellow cloud.

I don't know, man.

It's like...

The yellow cloud.

There's just a seething desire for wealth that I see in the eyes of the Chinese.

I think we must destroy them.

We're going to have to.

What's going to happen?

No, when Walmart is like the biggest, the largest consumer of Chinese goods in America is Walmart, okay?

They're the one that purchases the most, and they have a bigger economy than pretty much all third world countries.

you know, the Walmart corporation does, and the problem is what happens if, you know, we go to war

with China, or we have a thawing out with China, or China invades Taiwan, you know, or something

happens like that, you know, what's going to happen when that happens, you know, what's Walmart going

to do, you know, they can't get goods from China, it's going to affect the, you know, people who

live right now, you know, the typical Walmart mom who shops at Walmart once a week, gets all her

her food,

all her,

everything she needs

for the house.

She gets her hair done.

She can see a doctor.

There's a fucking

walk-in clinic right here

in the Walmart

in my town.

Really?

Wow.

They got a walk,

you can get your car fixed,

you can buy gas,

you can do everything

you need to do

in one facility.

You can get gas,

your car fixed,

your oil changed,

you can get a haircut,

you can see a doctor,

you can do your banking,

you can get your portrait taken,

you get glasses,

you know,

you can eat.

There's two restaurants in it.

I haven't done that one.

It's sick.

When I was an undergrad,

I had to do that one.

I went to Walmart, got my oil changed, shopped for groceries, and got fitted for new glasses in one visit.

Yeah, you see? That's how they do it. That's what they're trying to do, man.

And the thing is, it puts down, it puts a lot of people out of work.

They end up having to work at, you know, at Walmart.

Not everybody, but they get to that point, you know.

And what's going to happen if Walmart goes, you know, is affected by not being able to sell Chinese goods anymore, if that were to happen?

How many people are going to lose their jobs?

Walmart's the biggest employer in the United States, is it not?

Well, no, but it encourages a society where we have the working poor.

People have jobs that don't actually pay the bills.

No benefits?

Yeah, they actually instruct their employees on how to get health care.

Anti-union?

They fly their private jets around to quell any talks of union.

Yeah, it's sick.

You know what happened with the butchers at Walmart?

The butchers that wanted to unionize, and they voted to unionize the butchers at Walmart.

Walmart, and Walmart just came in and said, all right, you guys are all fired, and they

got rid of butchers altogether and got all their meat pre-cut, and that's how they sell

at a Walmart.

There's no butcher at Walmart.

If you go to Walmart to buy meat, a steak...

I've never heard of a Walmart that had a butcher.

Yeah, that's why.

That's what happened.

There used to be, when they first started doing their little thing, and they wanted

to unionize, and they said, okay, sure, you want to unionize?

We don't need you anymore.

And they get all their meat cut, pre-cut, and packaged at the plant that it comes out

of.

You know what I mean?

A lot cheaper.

They don't have to pay a butcher's salary now.

What's the point?

From my perspective, it's like, I think we can bitch and complain all we want about how evil corporations are

and how evil places like Walmart are, but nobody grabs us by the wrist and drags us into the store

and makes us pay 30 cents for a loaf of bread.

Right.

You know, there's a lot of ways that you can pay full price for things,

and, you know, quite possibly it was produced responsibly,

but we all want to stretch our dollar as far as possible in the short term.

It's hard not to in these days, man.

It's hard.

It's hard for me to know that I can buy a lot more groceries with $50

if I went to Walmart instead of the regular grocery store,

but I make that choice, you know?

And I'm living paycheck to paycheck right now, so it's not even funny.

But you've got to survive, man.

All right, look, I've got to get out of here pretty soon.

Do you want to do a prank call with me?

Yes, please.

Let's try to get something more upbeat here.

People are complaining about it.

You should just see my screens just coming out.

Fucking do pranks, do pranks.

You suck, you suck

Prank, monkey, prank

Do pranks, Carlito

All right, milkman's being loud again, as usual

You want to call a bowling alley, man?

A bowling alley?

I got back alley bowling in Bishop, California

Okay

All right, I'm going to make that happen, hang on

Back alley

Yo, this back alley?

Yes, back alley

Hey, how's it going?

Good, how's it going?

I went bowling there yesterday evening

Yes

And my ball didn't come back

Well, let me transfer you to the front desk, okay?

All right, do that then.

Can you hold, please?

Yeah.

Back alley.

Yo, this is back alley?

This is back alley.

Yeah, I was up in there playing bowling last night with my friends, and my ball never came back.

Your ball never came back?

Yeah, I had it.

Probably out on the rack somewhere.

We're open until 10, so if you want to come in and look for it, come on.

Now, I want to work a trade with you.

Trade?

Yeah, I never brought back the shoe.

Oh.

You got the shoes with you, huh?

Yeah.

Okay, where you at?

So, now, I said, maybe I work a trade with you.

I just keep the shoes, and then you keep my ball.

No, we need the shoes, dude.

They got a problem there, because my girlfriend kind of like them.

What size were they, do you know?

Shh, don't be laughing, man.

She in the other room.

Yeah, size 8, right?

No, I got size 13.

You know what they say.

Yeah?

Bigger than feet.

Okay, you do have a size 13 there, don't you?

That's what she said, but...

Yeah, but that's the shoes you got?

They're bowling shoes.

Yeah, are they a 13 that you have?

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, we'd really like your shoes.

Just mark it down.

I'm going to keep the shoes, and you keep my ball.

Well, we don't really want your ball, but we'd like to have our shoes back.

But y'all didn't give me the ball back.

Probably it didn't come out of the machine.

You have to tell them if it doesn't come out of the machine.

No, I got that small bit of pleasure that I get from throwing my big black ball at them white pins.

Well, just bring them in if you can.

All right, I'll be up in there directly.

Okay.

All right, peace, brother.

Not now.

Fuck you, bitch motherfucker

That was pretty good

That was

It was crazy, Tommy

With the fart

And then, like, right after the fart

He just said

What is the

What is the history with this

Fuck you, bitch motherfucker

He used to call him, like, tons and tons of times

I'll play one of his pranks

So you can hear

I'll send him to you

We've just

We've

We called him for about

Four months straight, I think

Just pranking him

Uh-huh

And, uh, he's just very angry

He's a

He's

He's a lot like, uh

Oh, God

The, uh

The Hassad Market calls

You remember

You know those

Oh, so it's an Arabic guy

Yeah, he's an Arabic guy, but, uh, he's, um, he's, like, he asked, he asked my old co-host, and he's like, you know, how big his dick was, like, show me your dick, he said to him, or something like that, like, some kind of Muslim insult, but it came out across, like, really gay, he was like, show me your dick, show me your dick, you motherfucker, like that, you know, it's just stuff like that, it was real funny, you know, at one point, we prank called a British guy who was Muslim in Britain, and then he was real cool with us, and we had him call Sam, uh, and, uh, had him translate for us, where we tried to negotiate something with him,

and it just ended up being like them talking Muslim, you know, Muslim back and forth for like 10 minutes

and us talking about, I don't know, a long story.

Yeah, why don't you play it, though?

Yeah, I don't have that one separated, but I got the rest of them.

I'll play this stuff tonight.

You got it, man.

Okay.

All right, man.

Good talking to you guys.

All right, man.

Good talking to you.

Thanks for calling in, Ted.

All right, later, guys.

All right, man.

Bye-bye.

Bubba.

You know what?

Say what you want about Ted.

You don't like him, but that was a good call.

That was a very good call.

I don't want to get the black man.

That was a good call.

cool anyway all right hang on let me get this uh situated over here i was supposed to take a break

so uh let's my girlfriend knocks my shoes yeah yeah anyway i'm a fifth string quarterback

whatever the new warning sign clone madman you guys there you guys okay what's going on

kind of quiet yeah whatever whatever man i guess they're rolling a bogger madman's upset

said it? BONG. What?

What? Yeah. That's all he heard

was BONG. I don't want to work tomorrow, man.

Fuck work. You know? God damn it.

Call in and tell them you got anal glaucoma.

I mean, I'm out of... You work with me,

man. I'm out of days. Anal

glaucoma. If you work at

the IT department... Yeah, you

just can't see your ass coming in.

You'd love it. What the fuck is anal glaucoma,

man? That's some gay shit.

It's where you just can't see your ass coming in.

Whatever, man. That's fucking retarded.

Okay, seriously, I'm

I'm going to go now, actually.

I'm done.

What I'm going to do, I'm going to play a break.

And after the break, we're going to play the Prankmaster Gangbang.

We're going to play the Fuck You Bitch Motherfucker Calls.

And then we're going to play a Best Of that I've made of the first year of the show.

Best Of of the first year of the show.

Hey, can you put the first Pasquale call in there?

Yeah, it's in there.

And the Shock Motherfucker Kid.

It's in there.

It's all in there, man.

Don't worry about it.

All right?

Relax. Hang on. What did I say I had to get?

Alright. Well, I would like to thank

Lonesome Loser. I would like to thank

Ted for calling in.

I would like to thank everybody who listened.

Yeah, man. I'd like to thank

Cloned and Madman and Milkman.

Cloned, go ahead and say hi to your fans right quick

and tell them what's going on. Are you going on next?

What's the deal?

Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.

Smoke weed every day.

Alright. Madman, go ahead.

Now's the time to say something, Madman.

Thanks, Carlito.

yeah good thank you man thanks everybody for listening to madhouse see you next week thank

god all right milkman say something real quick yes thank you everyone milkman you have 60 seconds

or less remember what we talked about go ahead 10-4 hey man i'd like to thank all our friends

that helped make this possible man especially you hardest working man of all of frank radio

the lonesome loser god bless the lonesome loser because what would we do without him thank you

you so much i also like to thank our new listeners papa bear also my buddy mr k over there in the id

department at rascal scooters thanks a lot hope you're not working too hard hope you enjoyed i

like to especially thank my honey sweet kisses love your sweet kisses if everybody else out

there listen especially you our dedicated listeners we love you man we did all for you

you it didn't cost a dime to you we paid and you had fun thank you so much mr madman for your

wonderful irc chat boxing room we can knock somebody's teeth out and come back and shake

hands if you get your band lifted thanks a lot all right that's it thank you very much everybody

there we go all right guys gentlemen thank you for being on man all three of you you've been

great tonight thanks to carlito man sorry i was so quick leader all right clone take care of

yourself man be nice behave yourself madman you too have a nice night all right there it is is

that it are we done okay good they're telling me we're done everybody that's not the right one

oh man you're telling us you're done yeah i'm done hang on hey man what's going on yeah look

there buddy can you tell larry you're at the madhouse whatever now we got a caller jesus

Jesus fucking Christ.

Why can't I ever end anything?

Oh, it's the fucking school, man.

You and DTT got a special early study.

Hang on, I got to talk to this cat real quick.

Hang on, man.

Let's make this quick.

I got to get out of here.

Hello.

We're on the air, Dr. Lego.

How are you?

Hey, man.

I just, you know, I heard you guys thanking everybody.

Yeah.

I just wanted to thank you, Carlito.

Well, hey, well, thank you, Dr. Lego.

That's right, man.

You know, because nobody thanked you.

And, you know, honestly, man, you've got some funny shit going on.

Man, you know, you're funny, too, and I love you, man.

I love you.

Yes, I do.

I love you, too.

Yes, I do.

Love you.

Yes, I do, Dr. Lego.

You're the king of the black cloud.

I love you, Dr. Lego.

All right, can I ask you a question?

Yes, you can.

Are you going to go on air, like, next week at 10 o'clock or 11?

Next week, 10.30.

I got out at 9.30, son.

All right, 10.30.

I'm trying, man.

I'm trying to get them to work with me.

You know, Zola and I, I don't know if you know that Zola and I were on before you trying to, like, you know, build it up by the time you got here.

I'm trying, man.

It's hard, man.

I got to work, and then I'm trying what I can, man.

I've been going since 8 o'clock this morning.

I know you want to kick me off.

I know you want to kick me off, man.

Everybody, he wants to kick me off, he said to me on the phone tonight.

He said he wanted to kick me off the air, he said.

He said he's going to get rid of me, he said, man.

I don't want to get off the air, everybody.

Man, talk to me about it.

I got school tomorrow, man.

I mean, I don't know, what am I going to do?

You going to kick me off the air, man?

I don't know, what am I going to do?

I don't know, man.

Tell him you got milk, man.

You heard me.

I say, I say, I say, fuck you, you.

You're going to kick me off the air, man, for real?

No, never.

I know.

I'm really high, dude.

Athena says hi, by the way.

Say hello to Athena.

Athena, Dr. Lego says hi.

I've got to write another song about her.

That's why I talk about her.

Talk to her around here.

Did you know?

What happened?

I talk to her like that all the time around here.

Dude, I've got to write another song about her.

No, no.

Come on now.

I mean a good one.

All right.

Well, be nice, man.

Yeah, we'll do that.

Let's hoot that hoot.

You know, you want me to work with you, you work with me, man.

Dude, I was only thinking for your show.

I was going to come up with something good for your show.

All right, man, just work with me, work with me, man, work with me.

I'm working with you.

Work with me, man.

All right, listen, I just called in today.

I was thanking everybody.

Work with me.

I didn't hear anybody thank you, so I wanted to, you know.

No one ever thanks me.

I wanted to stop and thank you, baby.

No one thanks Santa Claus, you know.

Dude, you deaf baby.

That's what I'm talking about.

You know, the bullshit is, you know, Santa Claus comes and he gets all the credit for Christmas.

And no one cares about Dad.

who had to work to make the money,

who had to sit in line in the store to get the bicycle,

had to put it together, busted his knee when he was putting it together, probably.

Probably had to float his paycheck for an extra week or something like that,

all to get the kid.

You know what, dude?

I get what you're saying, and you know what?

Santa Claus gets all the credit, but you want to know something, dude?

Jesus is the reason for this season.

And you're thinking about Dad, but on top of everything else,

nobody thinks about those poor little elves

that fucking sit in the cold in the middle of the fucking North Pole building all that shit.

Yeah, talking about China, man, what about the elves, man?

Yeah.

You know, I wish a boy caught Christmas, man.

Dude, I would love to.

Fuck it, dude.

Honestly, I fucking, I can't deal with the holidays.

We're starting it right now.

You know what, I'm not celebrating Christmas next year.

Athena, get rid of the tree.

We bought a new tree this year.

It's still up.

Is your Christmas still, is your menorah still up?

Dude, no.

You know what, bro, I do Christmas and holidays.

I do them both.

Did you blow the shofar?

No, that's Rosh Hashanah, bro.

That's Dr. Lego every night.

No, the way it goes is, like, the fucking rabbi would say something like,

and then the guy would go...

I heard your dad would turn around and fart and be like...

Dude, you would probably be naturally good, right, in a temple.

I mean, you would just let out the fucking black ass.

Yeah.

Come on, we got to do a Hava Nagila song, man.

All right.

You know, I got to get that song.

All right, I'm going to...

I'll download it.

All right, look, man.

Look, here's the deal.

I'm going to play a best of for the rest of the night because I need to go to sleep.

When you do that, I just wanted to call and say yo.

I know, but if you want to kick it off, if you want to go live, if Rav wants to go on again, then sure, man.

Kick me off, kick off, just kick the string.

Yeah, you know, it's all good.

And listen, I just want to let everybody know, you know, Sean Ward is coming.

I talked to Sean Ward.

He said he's coming back, everybody.

Be tuned for Sean Ward.

He's very excited.

He said very good things about everybody he said to.

He said, hi, Dr. Lego.

I know.

He loves me.

I love him.

Yeah, well, you know, he's a little, you know, you got to be careful with him, you know what I mean?

He's crazy.

You ever train a baboon to suck your cock?

Ooh, dude, that could lead to some, like, that could lead to being a mangina.

Yeah, he could snap it off like a celery stalk, but...

And then they'd have to, like, fucking take the rest of it and just stuff it up inside something.

Yeah, but if you take my advice, you treat getting Sean Ward on your network

like you would treat training a baboon to suck a dick, all right?

Or cheat his dick.

Yeah, or, you know, training a cheetah to let you go down on him.

alright man

go get some sleep

alright man

take care of yourself

Dr. Lego everybody

DrLego.com

alright

so yeah

we're leaving now

bye

goodnight Milkman

Cloned and Madman

fuck you

you heard me

I say I say

alright thank you

I fearlessly

fuck the ass

motherfucker

you

dick sucker

there

it's done

now that the

representative

South Africa

has been

my program

all the world

leaders

are under

my control

When they meet tomorrow in special session, I, Doom, will be voted master of the world.

My plan is to rob them just in case.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

Don't you think you're being kind of like, I think you're being kind of a dick.

Bro, bro, bro, bro, that's not even cool to say that.

Bro, bro, bro.

Calls (6, 11 min of 1 h 5 min)

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