2007-02-18 Show

You don't talk to me like that, bitch.

I don't even know who the fuck you are.

Put your man on the phone, I said.

Fuck you.

What are you crying for?

He died.

Someone died.

Ma'am?

Yes?

I have gas.

Listen.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Fucking Taylor Swift!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

And who plays?

What happens in America?

Well, we themed your ass in World War II.

And who helped you out just now?

You pissed off, woman.

Don't talk to me like that.

We don't need you anyway, bitch.

I'm fucking you.

Call me a baby stinky fucker.

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Fuck you, you, you, you.

Booty ass motherfucker.

You dick sucker.

Everybody, what's up?

You do, child.

You know mine.

That's how you start a show right there.

It don't get much better than that.

I thought you'd enjoy that.

Milkmane?

Yeah.

What's up, everybody?

You got it, my man.

Carlito on the air here with Milkman.

Milkman himself.

Say what's up, Milkman.

Get out.

Get in the house.

Man.

Jin Stewart from the UK checking in.

Tell him what's up, Jin.

Hey, what's up, man?

How you doing, bro?

Good to have you on.

I'm all right, man.

Thanks.

Clone Homegrown checking in, possibly.

Clone.

Say something, Clone.

Nothing from Clone.

Clone is not working.

All right.

So, Jin, man, welcome to the show.

Welcome on the air for the first time.

Thank you.

What's going on, big guy?

How you doing?

I'm all right.

Hey, man, what's a nonce?

Four o'clock in the morning, having a dance.

Oh, shit.

What's a nonce?

N-O-N-C-E.

What is that exactly?

A nonce?

Yes.

I guess it's kind of like a ponce, but it's spelled differently.

Okay.

And what's a ponce?

Is that a child molester?

No, it's just a fucking idiot.

Right?

Oh, there you are, man.

Well, hell, that's not me.

I'm no ponce or no nonce, whatever it is, man.

Well, hey, man, we're here.

We're going to do a show tonight.

night um i think that's a that's a definition of sir nunu i guess so i guess so he's sending me a

number right now we'll talk about that in a second everybody a madhouse radio uh is on this is

actually not a madhouse show we are way too loud there we go no we don't quieter turn my mic down

there we go that's more like it much better much better okay there now i'm not too loud

Well, here it is, folks.

This is a test out of, you know, I haven't been on for over two weeks.

The last time I did a show was two weeks ago, just about.

On top of that.

All right, man.

Long overdue.

On top of that, I've been planning a second show.

A different show than I'm going to do.

Just a comedy show.

Not a prank call related show.

But I will do prank calls tonight for you people.

Just to let you know, ahead of time, there will be no.

There will most likely not be a Madhouse show on Thursday.

I do not expect there to be a Madhouse radio show this Thursday.

So take with that information what you will.

But real quick, my song is breaking down.

I'm going to take a hit off the old pipe.

Everybody join in.

Take a drink.

Take a shot.

Whatever it is.

Three, two, and one.

Hit.

Ice cold.

Newcastle.

That's what I'm talking about.

Yeah.

That's how you start a show right there.

Didn't mean to take up all your sweet time.

Back to you one of these days.

All right.

me preach here for a second all right that's enough of that marshall that's right james

marshall that's really his name james marshall hendricks james marshall hendricks man with a

big stack of blaring marshall ants word up son we're still alive yeah no what yeah he just lives

right over the hill from me man oh shit him and bob marley huh yeah bob marley and elvis has got

Got a plantation here, man.

Right over on Marijuana Mountain, guys.

Biggie Smalls out there.

That's something, man.

That's something.

Even Six Pack, too.

Hey, Jim Stewart, man.

What's the weather like in the UK?

Yeah, man?

What's the weather like in London?

Oh, at the moment, I think it's about two degrees.

How many?

Two degrees?

Yeah, two degrees.

Yeah, centigrade.

So that would be like, say, like 40 degrees.

No, like 38, maybe.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah, about 38.

About 38.

Centigrade.

That's some shit right there.

there metric system huh good for you guys good for you guys we're still stuck on your old ancient

one fucking what's it called english standard is that what we use what the hell is that all

about it's a conspiracy yes by the freemasons clone knows about that i can't stop coughing

now cock jesus so so yeah um if you want some good guns man if you want to get a hold of us

tonight uh on the air we will be taking live callers tonight at uh toll free nationwide

nationwide 888-278-8509 again the toll-free line here is 1-888-278-8509 uh you can also reach us

on you got the time and we got the dime that's right we pay many times for that and uh hey if

you want to call in rather if you want to reach us on aol instant messenger madhouse radio again

that's madhouse radio you can also visit us at madhouselive.com if you're using yahoo messenger

MadHouseRadioOnline

Again, that's MadHouseRadioOnline

for Yahoo Messenger

and MSN Messenger

MadHouseRadioLive

at Hotmail.com

I think that's it right there. MadHouseRadioLive

at Hotmail.com. Am I correct?

Did someone confirm that? I don't even know. That's right, man.

The most interactive show in

prank call radio right here at MadHouse.

Oh, shit. It's... You can call in

and message any other way.

If you're on MSN, it's MadHouseLive

MadhouseLive at Hotmail.com.

So, shit.

Mike and T is confused.

Mike and T says, two degrees, it's fucking minus 20 here.

Well, it's minus 20 in that other shit.

You know what I mean?

He lives up here in Cooksville.

Yeah, you got problems, Mike and T.

Michael, Michelson, Michael Thompson.

Good for you.

I got to give it to McKenzie, man.

Give him the credit.

He finally came out.

I've got breaking news from the Satellite Center, Milkman.

We're going to have to cut the music real quick, if you don't mind.

Okay, okay.

Okay, here, move down.

Thank you.

We have breaking news from the Satellite Center.

What the hell is that?

What are you doing, Milkman?

God.

Anyway, breaking news, very serious breaking news.

Where is it at?

Athena, what did you do with it?

Here we go.

The United Nations is being urged to take threat on an asteroid that may strike the Earth on April 13, 2036.

It has a 1 in 45,000 chance of hitting us here on the Earth.

Which country?

I don't know, man.

I hope it's Europe or something.

I hope it is.

I don't know.

There's no way that they'd be able to tell right now what country it is.

I don't know.

They wouldn't know until much, much later.

But it might hit the, I mean, is it a big deal?

1 in 45,000 chance?

I think that's too close for comfort if it comes to the end of the world, right?

1 in 45,000 chance is a pretty damn big, is not a very big odd, man.

I mean, that's a lot less than a million and one.

That's a better chance than winning the lottery, I think, right?

Pretty much.

Oh, hell yeah.

Yeah, you could win the lottery a lot later than you could get hit by that asteroid.

Wow.

Well, that's something.

I guess we've got to do something about it then, huh?

That's some shit right there, everybody.

Time to panic.

Let's get the Popemobile.

Yeah, start buying your spam now.

That's all I've got to say.

Spam and cigarettes, everybody.

There it is.

So, hey, Jen, you British people, huh?

That's something.

something i'm not british but yeah i live here you're not british what are you scottish no i'm

german what the hell you say you're german you're german yeah i'm german yeah oh man we were just

talking about germans today weren't we i think and what we think about germans bad tippers but

you guys i hope you were saying any nice things about us sure we were hey man so uh so why why

britain you just decided to move to britain to go to college or what what's the deal it wasn't my

choice it's my parents they moved they moved here when i was about three years old oh yeah

Yeah, that's some shit.

And how old are you now?

Yeah, I'm 19 now.

You're 19 now?

Do you remember the Berlin Wall when it was still up and shit?

No, I don't know very much about it.

I guess that's...

I'm too old, I suppose.

Don't laugh, Milkman.

Milkman remembers disco.

I can't hear you again.

I remember.

Put the mic in your face.

Oh, that turned out to be a game too low, man.

I think it's the noise.

Oh, all right.

You're farting.

All right, there we go.

anyway we got prank calls to do because you're not doing your story i can't stop coughing shit

um we're not going to be on for long just to warn you we're not even uh

i used to have just old walker and i used to paint up and down the berlin wall yeah super

hey man anna nicole smith is dead huh we haven't talked about that anna nicole smith is dead good

for her well not good for her but i mean what happened right i mean that was old news but we

You got a nice rack, man.

I guess so.

Any talk about that in the U.K.?

Do you even know who Anna Nicole Smith is, Mr. Stewart?

We saw a bit of it on the TV, I guess, but I only read it in the paper since I don't watch TV.

But, yeah, it is new, Sam.

All right, well, good, good.

I'm glad she's getting her respect and recognition.

So we hear it for her.

Khalid, I got some breaking news.

Breaking news.

Go ahead.

Yeah, madhouse news.

What's that?

We have new members to the Madhouse family.

Family, baby puppy cat had seven new puppies on Valentine's Day.

Well, hey, congratulations.

I understand that means that your girlfriend's dog had puppies.

Congratulations.

You're a proud papa.

Congratulations, baby.

I'm a daddy.

Until you sell them off, those poor Yorkie puppies, you're going to sell them off.

Yank them away from their mother.

Hey, those things are worth money, man.

That's one of the most popular breeds in the world.

Milkman, you Republicans.

Do he kiss his mommy again?

You Republicans.

i tell you yeah you darn republicans yeah whatever um yeah now is it true jen you can't

bring a dog from another country into um into the uk right unless it's put into quarantine for like

two months or something sick like that am i correct that's probably true yeah yeah because

i heard they had this big thing where they were trying to keep rabies out of the uk because

naturally uh because it's an island the rabies virus whatever it is was not found in the uk

And they took it seriously

Oh you mean the bird flu thing

No no no I'm talking about rabies

I know for a fact

If you live in the states

And you're going to come to the UK on holiday

As you would call it or vacation

You want to bring your little dog with you

The only way you can bring a dog

From outside of your country inside

Is it has to be in a quarantine for two months

In an actual kennel

Where it's fed and they watch it

And make sure it doesn't have any diseases or stuff

And then they let it out to the population

You didn't know that I bet

I did I learned that

No, I didn't know that.

That's pretty fucking stupid.

Yeah, it is, but I could be wrong.

I could be wrong.

But I've been wrong in the past.

So there it is.

And so Germany, and you've lived for the last 13 years in the United Kingdom.

No, the last 16 years, right?

Well, for the last 16 years.

Now, I'm sure you speak German with your parents, right?

Yes, I do, yeah.

Can you translate something in German for me?

Sure.

All right, here you go.

what's that mean what is today's germany is it really that's awesome

this is jen's theme song what was that part again all right hang on from the beginning

it's not nice

all right my leaving coming i'm gonna say that's his struggle right his struggle for freedom am i

right my limbs come yeah my my life struggle yeah i see i'm pretty good i can tell some i just know

his book was mein kampf so i put two and two together i'm wicked smart that's great man we

have a german translator here we can do prank calls of germany now man motherfucker we're moving

up we can call the spanish countries the english countries and the german countries man this is

beautiful beautiful things are happening here so dude you're going to be doing a show jen is that

the word the word on the street yeah i'm going to be doing a sunday show for the uk listeners

or the Euro listeners, not just the UK

listeners. Yeah, and what are you naming

it? I heard a rumor that you might be naming

it something. No. No, what

did you hear? What did you hear? Tell me what you heard.

I heard it was Euro Madhouse or

something to that nature.

Milkman is hard to understand even on the phone.

No, it's

Sunday Lunch with Jim Stewart.

Sunday Lunch with Jim Stewart, that's awesome, dude.

So you're going to be on... Sunday Lunch

with Jim Stewart, yeah. So it'll be what time

your UK time is that?

It'll be 1 p.m. Greenwich Mean Time, and that's 8 a.m. Eastern Standard Time.

So it'll be your breakfast, basically.

Wow.

That's a rough spot, man.

Good luck with that.

Well, you'll get our UK listeners.

That'd be something if he started branching out in Europe and the UK.

You know, got people listening out there.

And then we'd have a stable of listeners morning and afternoon and evening.

That'd be awesome, dude.

That's a great, great thing you're doing.

Well, that's the plan.

I'm very excited.

Dude, do I have any of your prank calls?

What's your webpage that has those prank calls on it?

Real quick.

Um, jinstewart.blogspot.com.

All right, so that's jinstewart, and jinn is J-I-N, not G-I-N.

You all right?

Yeah.

No, no, J-I-N.

J-I-N stewart.blogspot.com, right?

That's the one, yeah.

stewart.blogspot.com.

All right, cool, I'm there.

Awesome.

All right.

What kind of broadband speed are you getting out there, jinstewart?

I've got an 8 meg line here.

Nice.

Not bad.

Better than me.

All I've got is 6.

On a good night, I get 5.

nah you know okay jen stewart we're gonna move on here i gotta definitely play one of your prank

calls at least any numbers from nunu for this switzerland yeah nunu's trying to get us to call

switzerland for some reason here let's take a look at that here i'm looking at it on the webcam right

now man yeah there's a webcam huh go ahead and uh can you post that i sent you a link to it go

ahead and post that webcam there how we're gonna talk to people in switzerland i don't understand

i mean that's queer don't you have they speak german still they speak german i'm gonna say

They speak German, and we can have Jin jump in there if they have any problem with English.

All right.

Well, we need a plan, guys.

We need a plan.

I mean, you guys are jumping this on me all of a sudden.

All right.

So we're going to call Switzerland, and Jin's going to speak German.

And how do the white people understand?

What do you want me to sign?

That's the thing.

We've got to know what we're trying to say here.

We've got to try to find someone who speaks English over there.

I don't know.

We'll work it out.

Okay.

We'll definitely do it, Jin and Milkman and Nunu.

All right.

Hang on for a second.

and we'll do that shortly.

I need time.

It says Brazier Schaffenhausen.

What the hell is that?

The bra house?

I don't know.

That's the name of the site.

Maybe it's a bra place.

I guess, man.

All right.

Well, here's what else we have.

We have 7-Elevens.

We've got Hooters.

We've got Sheetz Convenience Store.

It's a motel restaurant.

Is it?

I'm looking at it.

Okay.

All right, good.

Well, that's good to know.

And where's the cam in?

The restaurant part or the motel part?

Yeah, man.

You can see the counter.

Yeah.

Whoever's going to answer,

you're going to be able to watch it.

yeah yeah hey man someone in the chat room says that uh that jen could be a german spy living in

britain imagine that jen any yeah maybe maybe impossible don't fuck around man you heard it

here first yeah yeah he's that he's tight with the former kgb west german i love brutal jen

east german east german were the communists right yeah that's that's the deal right there

um chewy gobstopper says hey sexy i like the way your voice sounds is that you with you now all

All right, well, some girl, I hope, is saying that they like the way my voice sounds.

They'd probably send that to me, you know?

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah, it was Jenny.

I think, Jen, congratulations.

You have an admirer here already on PC already, so congratulations.

Guys, we really need to do goddamn prank calls, okay, because I'm not going to do a long show.

We've got 45 minutes left.

This is just a test out, testing the waters, giving you people something to listen to tonight.

night um i will have to thank zolar for being on earlier and uh dr lego on did you hear dr lego and

me and kdk talking guys jen where you want you weren't aligned for that no you weren't not for

that one right i don't think you were uh i was listening to it but i wasn't on the line no i

cut off yeah man that's uh that dr lego is a character so you prank called him on friday then

right quite a bit quite a bit yeah i did i prank called him a few times and then i called him back

on saturday morning um to tell him i was sorry i'm not taking sides in the whole thing that's

That's good.

Good for you, man.

Did he get pissed off at all at you for prank calling him?

I think he did in the first call.

I could play it to you at some point.

I can send it to you.

Oh, hell yeah.

Do that.

Send it in, man.

Send it to Milkman and have Milkman send it in or something.

I'm not getting transferred.

Oh, here we go.

Here we go.

The nice Chicago dog.

Sorry about that, Milkman.

Okay, we're really unorganized today, and my Firefox has died, so I'm going to have

to kill that here.

Lost Firefox.

Keep an eye on your G-Talk, man.

I got it now.

I'm accepting it.

There you go.

Oh, you withdrew the offer.

Now try to send it again.

That is Chicago 1.

All right, sir.

Thank you.

Appreciate it.

Yes, sir.

And let me, uh, the toll-free line again is 888-278-85309.

Here, it's queued up.

Look on down the list.

All right.

No, it's not.

Send it again.

It said you withdrew the offer, probably because it timed out.

That wasn't paying attention.

Probably timed out.

Probably didn't.

Oh, that sucks.

I don't think I can turn the toll-free line on tonight.

It's messing up here.

Unable to make connection.

Error refused.

Confused.

I'm getting an SQL error if I try to turn on the toll-free line.

Well, that's some shit.

Oh, we have a female at the counter.

I can't see that from here.

Oh, okay.

Are you seeing this, Jen?

No, but I've just clicked the link.

I'm waiting for it to load.

Okay, well, I guess the toll-free line is going to be down for the time being

because I cannot activate it.

That website is down.

So I'm sorry, guys.

You can't call in tonight.

Maybe that's for the best, the way you guys' attitude has been lately.

You know, it's time for the Sugar Loaf song, man.

And don't call us, child.

We'll call you.

We'll get to that.

Yeah, I suppose.

I need to look up one thing here.

What I wanted to make mention of is that I'm going to be playing here a song that Dr. Lego did.

This has got to be good.

It is a beautiful song.

This is just such a great example of the kind of quality stuff you get from people like Dr. Lego and his abilities as a musician.

And here we go.

Dr. Lego's still in Billie Jean.

There's only so much of that I can hear.

That's Dr. Lego, I swear to God, playing that.

He's on YouTube.

I saw it on YouTube.

Fucking hell.

You saw it, huh?

That's something.

I don't have a word.

Yeah, Jesus Christ.

Dr. Schmegma?

Dr. Schmegmasteen.

Yeah.

So, anyway.

Oh, my God.

So, apparently the rumors are that PCU and PCR are reuniting.

I doubt it.

I will eat my hat.

Milkman, don't fart on the microphone, okay?

All right, man.

Just, you know.

Be respectful.

There's a lady here next to me who's listening.

There's ladies here listening tonight, okay?

This isn't Thursday night.

This is actually Sunday.

What the hell is going on over there?

I don't know.

I think Jen's farting.

I don't know.

Clone's farting, too.

Clone's a bastard.

No, it's not me.

Whoever smelt the Delta, Mr. Stewart.

There it is.

Can we do a prank call now, guys?

Jesus Christ.

God damn it.

It's about time for a call, man.

Too loud.

Too loud, Clone.

Too loud.

All right.

We'll be right back after this with the first prank call of the night.

I see Mr. Diaz.

Hello?

I see Mr. Diaz.

Mr. Diaz.

No, aqui no hay ningun Diaz.

Who is Mr. Diaz?

Hay Jay.

Where is Jay?

I don't know.

Jason.

No se de quien habla.

Papi, let me speak to Jason.

Aqui no hay ningun Jason.

Papi Zongo, come on, baby.

Let me talk to Jason.

There's no Jason here.

He told me call here to talk to him.

Dirty.

Come on, man.

Whatever.

He wants to gay.

He wants to be gay with me, Milkman.

I swear to God.

Actual minutes may vary per the terms printed on your card or posters.

Posters.

Por favor, deje su nombre, un breve mensaje, y esperamos con usted lo más pronto posible.

Hey, pendejo, pick up the phone.

Pendejo, pick up the phone, maricón.

I said pick it up, man.

Don't fuck with me.

Pick up the phone, Holmes.

Yeah.

Gay, man.

You're gay.

Who needs that freaking gay area, man?

That was worth nothing.

That was worth his weight in gold, that call was, man.

Man, I'm so glad we made that call.

Good God.

I'll tell you what.

The darkness falls away the more.

Man, this shop is getting people in and out.

Well, hell, I need to look at the video.

Is this it?

Hang on.

Let me open it up here.

Some guy walking through now carrying his bag.

Yeah?

Looks like some Spanish dude or something, maybe at the counter.

Yeah?

Let's check that out then.

Hey, Mr. Stewart, if I may ask, where do you go to vacation?

Where do you like to go to vacation?

Do you ever take a trip to Italy to go on vacation and shit?

What's it like up there?

Sure.

I like to go to Norway.

Nice.

Norway.

Yeah.

Beautiful women over there.

I like to go to Australia.

Wow.

Australia.

My family over there.

Nice.

Look at these Swiss over here.

It's like a deli almost.

It's like a restaurant, that shit.

It's actually, I've been looking at it.

It's one of those restaurants right next to the train station.

Oh, okay.

Barnhoof.

It's in the name.

Oh, look at that.

Well, you guys really like cameras out there in Europe, too, for some reason.

You've got cameras everywhere.

All over the place, these guys with the cameras.

Here, there, everywhere they can.

They're watching you everywhere.

Does that bother you at all, you know?

London, isn't that the city with the most cameras in it per square foot?

I have no idea, but I know that there is a camera on every corner I go.

That's some shit.

Well, I guess it keeps you safe, huh?

MI5.

Yeah.

MI5.

Well, that's good, man.

I'm not picking on you, man.

man. We're just having a good time here, you know?

Let's go. Normally, this is

a... He's our UK representative,

man. Normally, this show is a little more professional,

but I have been sick and I've been rusty.

I haven't been on for over two

weeks. Athena, you

can attest to the fact... Can we bring him into our

legal services here in the madhouse?

Yes, we need a lawyer. We absolutely

do. Jen, you have the ability to call

international. You can call us, right?

If you need to. Yep, yep.

Good deal. We're going to definitely have to use you in that case.

We're going to have to get a hold of you here. In fact,

That would probably be much easier than me using this thing.

You think so?

Yeah, but then I can't keep the phone line closed so long is the problem.

You know what I'm trying to say?

All right, you can't make more than one call.

Exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

See?

I have to have the ability to marry them over, you know?

It's hard to explain, but it's a problem.

It becomes a problem after a while.

I am trying to see if I can turn the toll.

You know, the big problem now is that I don't have the toll-free line to work with right now.

you know usually i like to take some calls down right now but it ought to be up pretty soon just

checking occasionally yeah their web page is down i don't know if they're getting hit or if they're

just uh have some down time it is the weekend and uh they probably had a fire over there probably

fuck them right yeah it's too bad it's not working i'm sorry guys uh can't take any callers right now

but we're gonna keep doing some more prank calls here before we call it a night um i'm under

obligation to play a song for milkman because we made a bet about the super bowl and i gotta play

We're going to play this song here, so we're going to play it now.

I've got to play two songs.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

You've got the other one sent over.

All right, I'll be right back with the next prank call of the night.

Hang on.

Sweet kisses.

This is on out to you, baby.

I heard it.

That's why I had you to have her play it.

Arabian River.

Whatever it takes.

Hi.

Hello?

Hello, how are you, sir?

Yeah.

No, I need help in English, please.

Do you speak in English?

What?

Do you speak goddamn English, sir?

Yeah, I speak in English.

Okay, good. Hey, man, how do I get out of this cage that I'm in here, man?

Yeah.

I got into this train. You know the train? The train machine? You know Train Go?

The Train Go, yeah.

Yeah, well, I got out to use the bathroom, and now I'm in this box, and I can't get out, sir.

You know box? Box? You know what is box?

Mr., I understand, but you are not in the train station. You are here in the pub.

Yeah, but I'm in a box. I can't open the box up.

No, no, you called the pub.

No, but I'm inside a box inside the pub.

Inside, yeah, I'm inside the pub, yeah.

That's where I am.

I'm not in the train station.

I know, I went to use the bathroom inside the pub.

Yeah.

And I'm stuck in the bathroom box.

You have to call, uh...

Open it up, asshole, please.

Yeah, the pub is open, yeah.

What do you mean it's open? The box is closed. I can't get out of the box.

Yeah.

It's fucking difficult.

Hey, well, you call me fucking, huh?

I'll come down there, I'll punch you in the mouth, you German fuck.

Don't mess with me, I have powerful friends, man.

No, it's the wrong number, lady.

Hey, man, you understand?

Yeah, the National Front, yeah.

I have a National Front?

Yeah, you have to call the National Front.

Am I calling the National Front?

Is that what I'm doing?

I don't understand, what are you talking about, the National Front?

Yeah, you better believe it.

It's the voice of Britain, huh?

Your voice written?

The voice of Britain.

You better believe it.

Are you high?

Yeah, fucking high.

Yeah?

What are you smoking over there, man?

No, no smoke.

It's fucking, uh, I can't.

You got your dick on hard, man?

No, I don't smoke.

Fucking Jerome dog?

I don't smoke.

Niggas you grew up with?

My fucking pussy, yeah.

What, your pussy?

You got an ass pussy?

No, okay, boy.

I wish you a white Christmas.

What do you want?

I wish you every what you want.

What the hell's a white Christmas?

It's the wrong number, boy.

Well, I need to get out of this box, please.

You gotta better believe it.

You better watch out because I'm a war machine, man.

Are you black? Are you African black?

You better watch out because I'm a war machine, man.

Come on, man.

I wish you a Merry Christmas and a good night.

Are you retarded or something? It's not Christmas.

Yeah, when you want to talk, come over.

Get me out of the fucking box, you piece of shit.

Get me out of the box. I said get me out of the box.

And I've got the tickets to Iron Maiden, baby.

What?

You've got tickets to Iron Maiden?

What's your name?

Jesus, that guy's creepy.

He's on heroin, man.

He's on something.

It's on crack cocaine.

No, he's on heroin, man.

I forgot to mention gin.

I didn't have it turned on.

He couldn't hear you.

So it was like he could barely hear you.

All right, I was going to say something, man.

I know.

I forgot to turn that on.

Come on, Milkman.

You're supposed to take care of that, man.

What the hell?

Make sure you remind me to patch him in, man.

That's what I'm saying.

It's all Milkman's fault.

He messed up.

Sorry about that, mate.

Big time, Milkman.

That's right.

Big time.

Do we have another TeamSpeak server now or something?

Is the Warrior back?

Yeah.

Can we start?

Yeah, I'll get you posted on that, man.

Yeah, I'll get you posted on that afterwards.

We definitely got to get back on that.

Sorry about that.

Problem fixed, everybody.

Sorry about that.

Okay, so we continue with the show.

Joe, that was a very good call.

Thank you, Nunu, for suggesting that.

I am not playing this anymore.

Jeez.

The second versus the pirate, man.

Yeah, I bet it is.

I bet you that's the winner right there.

Jen Stewart, do you know what country music is?

I know what country music is, yeah.

It's not very good.

Exactly.

See, the man knows it.

Very good.

You get a gold star.

Very good, Jen Stewart.

Very good.

Shining through you are.

The gold star of Britain and Germany united.

Don't forget to play my song, man.

I sure will.

sir, I sure will. I will not

forget, that is.

We got more numbers from

Lonesome Loser here. We got a few 7-Elevens.

The Sheetz Convenience Store, I know we've called there

before. Cleopatra's

Wild Grizzly Casino.

Isn't that the one where I said I was banned from

coming back 12 years ago?

Because I threw a...

Yeah, because you threw a machine through the window.

Yeah, I threw one of their coin slot machines

through the window and they banned me and I was trying to...

She's like,

had slot machines here in 12 years like yeah that's when it happened it's like oh my god

oh my god are you for real all right and the hilton san jose and towers wow man let's call

the hilton what do you say what do you say there guys hey guys you're going to be on the phone now

all right now now jen you can talk to them you can talk to them what do you want me to sign i don't

no be queer you know who is it uh it's it's a it's a hilton it's a it's a it's a hotel a hotel

of some sort would you like okay or if you want to you want to call a 7-eleven that's our version

of a gas a petrol no let's call the hilton i like them all right i'll be a crazy guy who wants to

book a room right on man that's that's the spirit right there dude yeah very good so i need to pick

Take a song, don't I, eh?

Yeah.

All right.

Didn't you get that five lesson?

I'll check it in.

Thank you for calling the San Jose Hilton and Towers.

This is Chris.

How can I help you?

Afternoon.

Good evening.

Good morning.

How are you?

I'm sorry.

Can you speak up?

I can't hardly hear you.

Well, that's probably your hearing aid.

You may not have to turn it up a little bit.

Anyway, I'd like to book a room.

Date of arrival?

Higher.

What day would you like to book a room at the hotel?

Were you planning on booking a room with me?

Yes, that would be wonderful.

Which date of arrival?

Tomorrow, madam. I said this twice.

For how many nights?

Seven nights.

And one room, how many adults? Any children?

For three dogs.

Okay. This is San Jose Hilton arriving Monday, February 19th for seven nights.

I can get you into a one king bed at a rate of $1.89 per night plus tax.

Which credit card can I hold this under for you?

Don't just hold on a second.

I have a pet leopard I'd like to bring along too.

Problem is now the leopard and the dog, they don't really get along with each other.

It's a bit of a problem.

I'm sorry, I don't think we take leopards at the hotel.

Would you like to book this room?

You don't take leopards? Well, that's a shame.

That's a real shame. It's disappointing.

How about a tiger? Could I bring a tiger?

Because I could probably exchange it at a local zoo.

I was now being traced by AT&T Security and Call Tracing Network.

You will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

Yes, blow me.

I don't believe it.

Please don't take me to jail.

I don't believe it. It is a trick.

There's no such thing as AT&T Security. Kiss my ass.

no it's bullshit

they contracted

AT&T

what

nah that was just

a scare attack

that was good

you know what we

ought to do

now isolate that

clip later

and then use that

on our new shows

so what I was

trying to say

is I'm not

wiggle your plug

there's no such

thing as uh

AT&T security

I'm not scared

just isolate that

clip later

and use it man

that'd be awesome

and if so then

whatever

AT&T's gonna get me

watch out

AT&T the blue

is gonna

please

I'm gonna shit

well guys

if you wanna make

make a donation.

That's AT&T

busting in the door

like the Spanish

Inquisition.

Carlito, Carlito,

you're going to have

a gin start.

Send me some

Churchill cigars

and your little

stint in jail.

Hell yeah.

I need those, man.

That's good.

I'll be right next

door in the cell

next to you.

I can get a lot of

male pussy for that.

No cigars in jail.

And he's thinking

that's going to be

just like this here.

Listen.

Make sure you

send them to

Clinton.

Listen.

AT&T.

That's what's

going to happen.

I don't know, whatever.

AT&T Security is going to call us.

We're in fucking trouble.

Please send donations to Madhouse Live.

MadhouseLive.com.

The donation button is there.

Please pay for my bail.

And Jin is a repeat offender,

so he's probably going to be in the gulag

or whatever they call it there in Germany

or wherever he's from.

What the hell would they have done

if I would have wanted to bring my seven puppies with me?

I don't know.

And the mama, that would have been eight.

No puppies are allowed in the UK.

That's all I know.

Holy shit.

So what do you think?

Do you think...

The only thing good about it is K-pop.

Do you think PCU and PCR are really getting back together?

Is that a non-issue?

Is it true?

Is it not true?

I think they will.

You know, what was it?

What's the guy called?

Who was it?

Dr. Lego.

Yeah, Pete.

That guy.

I shouldn't be saying that, but yeah, Dr. Lego.

He doesn't like me calling him Pete.

But I think he had a great conversation with KDK yesterday.

I think, you know, they're going to hit it off at some point,

and they can get back together.

You think it was productive, right?

Yeah, oh, yeah, definitely.

Good, good.

Anyway, what I was trying to say.

I think they realize they're falling in their ways.

Well, good.

If it works out, well, for the better.

If not, whatever.

I'm still in the same boat, because I do not choose a side.

They realize that they need us, man,

and that we're going to bring up their numbers.

So, you know, everybody stands a game.

The truth is I'm not too happy with Zola right now for obvious reasons that will not go mentioned now.

He's starting shit with me and about me and with me, and I don't like it.

And I don't like that Pedge Jamison faggot either.

That's all I got to say.

So right there, I said it.

11.30 p.m., Sunday, February 18th, Carlito thinks that Pedge Jamison is a son of a bitch.

So you can tell him that.

And you can tell him that.

You can also say that Jim Stewart thinks the Eric guy is a freak.

That's right.

He is.

Oh, man, we got a video of him eating.

You should see that.

I'll send that to you, Jim Stewart.

Jim, Jim.

Oh, please send that to me.

That would be something to laugh at.

He's not like Jim.

Please, please.

Please, right away.

Right away.

Hey, guess what, guys?

Good news.

The toll-free line is now turned on.

So now you can...

98.6, the mail.

That's right.

98.6, the mail.

Call in now, 1-888-278-8509.

The mouth line is now open.

Oh, God, here comes Jonathan.

There he is already.

Here comes Jonathan.

Hey, man, what's up?

It says ATT Security.

Oh, my God.

Great to hear you're on the air.

What's up, Carlito?

What's up, Jonathan?

Not much.

What's going on?

Just hanging around.

Yeah, you okay?

You sound a little tired.

Yeah.

A little goofy, huh?

Yeah, it's been a goofy week.

Yeah, that's crazy.

You know what?

I had a goofy week, too, man.

Very hard week.

last week very not not an easy week my friend yeah i say that yeah you could tell huh oh yeah

yeah so what do you think about uh kdk and dr lego making love i just laughed about it i'm not too

worried about kdk but if he does come i'm just all just gonna have to get over it yeah yeah hey man

i'm glad that you'd be receptive to it i know a lot of people who would not be you know you got

uh people like the dead probably want to come back it's just not going to happen do you really

What do you think?

You shake your head no.

Athena doesn't think it's going to happen.

Milkman doesn't think it's going to happen.

Milkman and Jen Stewart both think it's going to happen.

Jen Stewart's naive.

He's European.

You know, they have a lot of trust in people, and that's their fault.

And Milkman is just Milkman.

I mean, what can you say?

Milkman overanalyzes everything.

But we love him.

I have a question for you.

What's up, man?

Tell me.

Talk to me.

Rap with me, man.

I'm having a few difficulties with this new Trojan.

I upgraded from the basic to the pro version, and I can't get one server to work.

Is the Jabber server? Do you know anything about that?

Jabber is just, isn't that Google Talk? Doesn't it use Jabber, Milkman, do you know?

Correct me if I'm wrong. Is it Skype?

Jabber is just another type of protocol.

Yeah, but it's not very popular, right?

No one uses it.

Yeah, you're not missing out on anything.

It's actually a great medium, but no one uses it.

Yeah, it hasn't blown up yet. You know what I mean, Jonathan?

Yeah, I'm always wondering, when you get some time,

can you walk me through it on how to set it up?

Jabber, I don't even know how. I never did.

I did once, and it was kind of, it was like for nothing.

You have to find a Jabber server. I don't even have any Jabber servers.

Yeah, I don't even know.

I think Google runs off a Jabber for some reason.

I think if you use Gtalk, you can use it using the Jabber plug-in in Trillion.

I'm not 100% sure. I think that's what it's for.

I can look into that. That's a good question, Jonathan.

Because if I could use Gtalk, the Gtalk network, you know, the Google one, and Trillian, that'd be cool.

Yeah, do you have the basic version or the pro version?

We've got the pro version.

Me and Milkman both have the same version.

It's a pro version of it.

Yeah, I just upgraded to the pro myself.

It's a good version.

I like Trillian a lot.

I've been using it since I started the show, and I won't go back to using five, you know, three different messengers at once.

It's all organized.

It's all right there.

It's awesome.

That's awesome.

Yeah, man.

Well, hey, thanks for calling in, Jonathan.

Now's the time to say hi to all your fans.

I'd just like to say hello to all my friends, and I hope you have an excellent week.

All right, man.

Well, God bless you, Jonathan.

God bless everybody.

All right.

May we be one.

All right, man.

I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, computers and stuff, man.

You think I know about that, Milkman?

I don't.

It's all bullshit.

15 minutes left, everybody.

15 minutes left.

I'm still muted, too.

All right, so whatever.

You're not muted anymore, sir.

I'm sorry.

Oh, okay.

I try.

I wish there was a button I could do to mute everybody and then push it again to unmute you all.

That'd be perfect for me.

You don't have to mute me.

You can just mute the other guys.

You make noise.

You can leave Jen unmuted, too.

Jen is more better, excuse me, behaved than you are, Milkman.

Tonight, at least.

Jen's been...

Jen has been...

Nah, it's because of this shitty setup since I blew up my interface.

Whenever I replace it, though, all the noise will go away.

Yeah, man.

Music's too loud right now.

What are you doing?

See, that's the thing, Milkman.

What is that?

That must have been the PlayStation, man.

Turn it down.

We're in the middle of a show.

We're getting ready to end the show in 15 minutes.

We have enough time for one more prank call.

So behave yourself.

Come on, man.

All right, 10-4.

Yeah.

You gonna play my song?

The only real good prank call we did tonight was Jen Stewart's.

I mean, that's sad.

I haven't done anything funny tonight.

You know?

Well, thank you, Jen.

Thank God for you.

But Jen does good calls.

He does good calls, man.

And we've got to play some of his stuff.

That's what it is.

Hang on.

I've got to pull that up real quick.

You've got to play my song, too.

Yes, I do.

You should play Seven and Whorehouse.

They're probably my personal favorites.

Whorehouse?

What is it now?

Yeah, Whorehouse is pretty good.

I know what we need to play, son of a bitch.

Milkman, I have exciting news here.

Exciting news.

All right.

We have a new segment here to play on the show.

And it is a friend of mine.

He's a fan of the podcast, right?

A good friend of mine.

And he's inspired by you

He's your biggest fan, Milkman, I swear

Fuck you, motherfucker

Not him, but he actually

He has made some public service

Announcements, and he says

He's trying to imitate you when he doesn't

I'm not kidding you

I'm not kidding you, let me see one that's funny here

Okay, this one's called Hammer's Man

It's a Milkman PSA, I kid you not

One moment here, hang on

Alright

And imagine where society would have been by now, man

Man, if we started earlier, everything would be different if we had hammers, man.

There we go.

The first ten seconds of it.

Yeah, it was too low.

He made a few of them.

He made one, let's see.

The really funny one that I like is Arabs, but he recorded it too low.

What else did he do?

Oh, here we go, this one here.

And I swear to God, this is my friend Mike.

Mike, he used to live with me and Andy.

We were roommates back when we knew each other from high school,

and then we moved out together.

you know some of the stories that andy would tell here on the show when he was here were about mike

and uh he actually found us through oh okay he found us through the podcast and he and he uh

he just he decided to record these in honor of milkman here's another milkman psa he made

hang on hang on it's too low see he recorded them way too low you'll have to bring it up

yeah he recorded them way too low but he's learning he said it's the first time he ever

used audacity hang on let's try it i was watching the discovery channel and they were talking about

I don't know, breasts look the way they do to resemble buttocks, man.

Man, that's wild.

Got me thinking, maybe.

That's why my elbows look like my sack, man.

And I think that's a very, very profound statement,

and it sounds just something like something you would say, Milkman.

I tell you, that's pretty good.

That's a pretty good cut.

Yeah, so Milkman, my copy of Vista is being shipped in March.

The end of March.

The third week of March, they will ship my copy of Vista that I get for free as an upgrade.

Get ready for bug city.

I'm not going to install it, man.

You know what I found out?

That as of last week, my video card doesn't have any drivers for Vista yet.

Vista support.

I done told you, man.

I'm not about to fucking do that, man.

Are you fucking nuts?

What you need to do if you're going to play with Vista, all you idiots out there that are gay enough to try it, make sure you get Ghost.

Ghost your XP system before you install Vista.

Yeah, I plan to do that, but I...

If you install Vista, make an image of that.

Yeah, and also try to dual boot.

You get really pissed off.

Find instructions to dual boot.

Then go back to the original ghost image of XP.

Yeah, you need to find a method of dual booting it.

I know it's out there, but you can dual boot in XP.

No, forget dual boot.

No, no, don't dual boot.

Don't dual boot.

Microsoft dual boot sucks.

okay okay so don't just do an imaging yeah well there it is what you can do is once you install

the vista make an image of it so later when they do perfect it and they have good drivers

you can then reinstall the image yeah well here's my start with that vista true so that's important

but i gotta get an extra gig of ram i only have one gig of ram in in this bitch now i need to put

in at least another one to be able to use the whole windows arrow glass shit and uh but i don't

Honestly, I don't think I will be installing Vista into my computer until June or July.

It's going to be worth a shit for about two years, man.

Yeah, well, no, I think...

Service Pack or Service Pack 2 comes out.

I might wait until after the summer to install Vista on this computer.

Because my fear now, if I install Vista on this computer and it fucks up something, it's going to fuck up the show.

It's going to fuck up the show, man.

man. You know what I mean? It's gonna fuck up a lot

of people's lives, man, because there's no

support for it. There ain't shit for it at all,

man. Fuck it. Fuck it. Don't be a

Microsoft guinea pig. Stick with

XP, man. Yep. Anyway,

hey, we need to do one more prank call. We're gonna call

it a night, because I have stuff to do

tomorrow. I got an exam this week. That's why

I no-show on Thursday, because I have

an exam on

Friday. Milkman, that's two.

Darn it. That's two. That's two.

We had that talk. Oh, man. You promised

me. You... That is not...

But that is not good, man.

You cannot have an exam every Thursday, man.

I want to apologize.

No, I had a presentation last Friday.

This Friday I have an exam.

I want to apologize to everybody for having a lackluster show tonight.

But I'm a bit rusty.

I'm a bit out of it still.

But I tried.

It was a good show, man.

We had some fun.

I tried the best I could.

But we will continue on with it.

We also look forward to the new Jen Stewart show early Sunday morning.

Fucking Jen Stewart.

New prodigy.

I don't trust her.

I don't trust Jen Stewart.

We're going to call.

With a British flair on things.

We're going to call 7-Eleven.

Hang on, folks.

Take your pants off now.

If you're sitting next to your mom right now, go ahead and take your pants off.

Put your hand on her leg.

Put your hand down your mom's leg.

She's going to be just like, what the fuck?

All you milfs out there.

Yeah, all you milfs.

This song goes out to all the mills.

I had this fantasy about Athena, where she looks 50 years older than she does now.

And she's my mom.

Yeah.

She's her mom.

I know.

We'll be right back after this.

Hang on.

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

7-Eleven.

On the mouth.

Good evening.

Someone made a noise, milkman, and I couldn't hear him pick up.

Damn it.

Hello?

Hi, how are you?

Can you hear me this time?

What?

Can you hear me this time, bitch?

Yeah, yeah.

All right, good, man.

Steve?

Huh?

Who's Steve?

Steve.

What?

Steve.

Steve?

What do you need, sir?

Yeah, Steve. Steve.

Yeah. How can I help you?

Exactly.

Can you hold one second?

Dog food.

You son of a...

What did I say?

No farting on my show.

I like to fart, so...

When's he coming back?

Hello?

Sir?

Yeah.

Hey, you're back. How you doing, buddy?

Fine.

Good. Hey, dog food? You guys got it there?

What?

Dog food!

Yeah, what about it?

You fucking have it, man. Don't give me attitude. Come on, man.

Well, I don't want you to speak like that, sir.

Well, I asked you, you're like, why, why, why?

I'm speaking English, man.

Sir, sir, I command you to speak in the name of the United States.

Oh, I guess he's gone.

I lost my gold star.

Should I call him one more time?

Make the call.

Yes, call him again, man.

Call him again, yeah.

Right away.

All right, we'll do that.

We've got to play a different song, though.

He's shouting out to somebody.

He wants a dog food.

It's not fair, though.

You know, he's acting like he doesn't understand me.

Now, what's the song I'm supposed to play here, man?

Milkman?

I'll play that, play a paper lace song.

Please, paper lace.

I don't see it here.

here. Where the shit is it? I sent it to you. It's a so-called 70s paper waste. Sir, how

are you? I'm fine, thank you. Hey, I need some help. I don't know exactly where you

guys are located. I know you guys... Okay, great, great. Look, I need dog food. I need

dog food, dog food. Yes, yes, yes, I have dog food. Okay, do you have the Purina? Which

one do you have exactly? Actually, it is a very wide range. I don't know. Can you find

The puppy only eats Purina, dog chow.

Huh?

She only eats Purina, dog chow.

Huh?

Can you please look to see if it's Purina?

Purina?

Yeah, Purina.

Hold on.

Okay.

What do you say, motherfucker?

They can hear you guys, by the way, if you want to talk to them.

All right.

I'm going to join in in a minute.

Okay, I'll let you hear me talk.

Yes, sir.

I will, Milkman.

Thank you.

I love you, Milkman.

Ooh.

10-4.

Love you, too.

Oh, he's busy praying.

Christ, it's taking too long

Yes, I don't have my friend

It is time to pray then

No, I don't have that

We pray to God that he brings his Purina

It's time to pray

I like to pray

That's bad

We don't all act like that, Jim

That was childish and juvenile

This has been a really fart show

It's a fart show, everybody

Fart show

That's all I have tonight

That's all I can give

I gave my best

I told you all ahead of time

It was not

100%

You know what

There's a chance I might be able to do a show on Thursday anyway man

That's good news right

Yeah

There is

If I take my exam on Wednesday instead of Friday

But I have to bust

I have to bust my ass to test

To study for it

So is there anything else we can talk about before we go

It's time for us to go

I know

I want to thank everyone.

Did you want to play one of my pranks before we left?

Yes, that is the one.

That is what we were going to do at...

And you're going to play my song, too.

I got that here.

Okay, fine, fine, fine, fine.

Where is it here?

Over here, over here, over here.

Did I accept it?

Oh, come on.

Yeah, oh, it's still trying.

It's going to take 14 minutes to come through.

15 minutes, dude.

We're going to have to play it on Thursday or the next show.

The Nice Chicago Dive.

Oh, okay.

It's at 14.

It's slow as balls.

Slow as hell. I'm sorry.

I tried to get you to set this up

before the show. I tried. I was

busy. I was busy setting up the show.

Anyway, let's not

cry and let's not get upset.

We've got to work on Jin Stewart over here.

We've got to work him.

For the game, anyway.

Dot Jen Stewart dot...

Ah, I fucked it up already.

Okay.

And now, Jen, which one did you say you would want me to play?

Seven?

Seven is probably the best one, yeah.

All right, ten-four.

We are getting that now.

I'm doing pizzas.

All right, here's seven.

Yeah, pizzas is good, too, but it's pretty long.

Lord, sir, I'd like to sell you my MP3 player.

Is that a possibility?

Give me a number.

I will give this number to the police.

My telephone number here is 07...

Are you getting this?

Are you writing this down?

Give me your number, I've got the police now.

Okay, come on.

0777...

You're going to kill me, you son of a bitch!

Shut up!

Have you been calling me since yesterday?

Shut up!

777...

Are you listening, sir?

You're not paying attention!

I'm giving you my telephone number here.

Are you listening?

Are you a mother fucker?

Shut up!

My name is Jin Stewart.

dude. Oh my god, that's

funny.

This guy was not very pleased.

Holy shit. He's just

going off in Indian, in Hindu.

I look, look, look, look.

It was great. I loved it. It was brilliant.

When he was on the phone, I almost cracked up.

That is fucking hilarious.

That is fucking awesome. Alright, now what's the other one?

You said there was a hotel one?

Yeah, but that's not true. He called a whorehouse.

That's a fucking brilliant one. Whorehouse, whorehouse,

whorehouse. Yeah. I'm looking

for it here. Order games?

It's in the third post.

Third post.

Order game seven.

Oh, okay.

It didn't complete itself.

No, it says, the third one says, I called the zoo to ask for my missing koala bears.

No, no, no.

Two underneath that.

Where it says two more.

Oh, two.

Oh, I was looking for whorehouse.

Okay, I see here.

I call an escort service with the Kensington accent.

Okay, that's the one.

Yeah, that's the same English dude accent.

Yeah, that's brilliant.

That's an awesome English dude accent.

Okay, here we go.

This is whorehouse.

Hello, is that Midnight Fantasy?

Yes.

He's gone, yes.

My name is Jim Stewart, and I'm interested in the services that you offer.

Hi, how are you?

Yes, I'm fine, thank you, yes, I'm very well, you're gone.

How are you today?

I'm good, I have, what are you looking at?

Black, black, I like the black women, is that possible?

I'm from Thai.

Oh, you're Thai, well that's rather nice.

Do you have any dark-skinned women, any black women, perhaps?

I'm from Thai. I have a whole body tan.

Yes, yes, of course, I understand, but do you have any black women?

I don't have black women right now.

But you have Thai women?

Yes.

Yes, of course. Now, would it be possible to eat you?

Chewie?

Would it be possible to eat you, madam?

Would you be interested in perhaps coming to my palace over here in London?

I could slaughter you like a little sheep and then I could eat you. What do you say?

I can't buy her a nun.

Madam, I'm sorry?

I don't understand.

I charge you 500 rand.

I still don't understand what it is that you're trying to tell me.

Would it be possible...

I charge 500 rand for the way you're looking for.

Yes, yes.

I'm actually looking for a rather splendid young woman to eat and eat, madam.

Is that possible, madam?

What's your name?

I'm sorry?

My name is Jean Stewart.

I'm calling from London.

From London?

Yes, madam.

And where are you right now?

I'm in New York.

When are you going to come down?

Madam, I will be there in five minutes.

If you tell me, do you have somebody that I can cook and take with me back to my palace in London and slay like a small sheep?

You can't eat the girl, but you can cook her.

Madam, I'm sorry?

You can cook her to eat, but you can't eat her, but you can cook her.

You cook her, she's going to be damned.

Yes, madam, that's the whole point.

What's the whole point of all this?

Madam, I'm sorry?

You'll have to speak a little clearer.

perhaps you could talk with a little bit of an accent that I could understand.

I do understand, you carry. You want a woman, you're gonna cook women to eat?

Yes, yes of course, yes. Madam, is that possible?

I'll pay you a lot of money, I have a lot of money, I have a big palace,

I have a lorry, I could sell you my lorry, perhaps it's worth a lot of money,

perhaps you could sell it over there, make a few thousand dollars from it.

Okay, but when are you going to come down here in New York?

We're not in New York.

We're down here.

We're a long way from here.

Yes, yes, you know.

Yes, of course.

You'll be on the next plane over.

And perhaps, will you be open in two hours?

Yes, we do.

Oh, yes, of course.

Now I can just take one of the women with me and cook her and eat her?

That would work?

We charge two million on that.

I still don't understand.

You'd have to repeat yourself.

We want to do that.

We charge you two million.

Two million dollars, well, it's a rather large price, but I'm sure we can come to some sort of arrangement here.

Two million, perhaps one million five hundred thousand.

That's how much you offer on that.

Yes, yes, one million five hundred thousand I would pay, perhaps, but it would have to be a very dark-skinned woman.

That's no problem.

It's not a problem, yes. Well, I'm very happy here.

Now, could you give me your address, please, so that I can come here on the next plane?

I will be dropping by.

Can you come in the next plane and you can call me this number and I'll be here.

Yes, of course. Thank you, madam.

I will certainly give you a ring on this number.

Thank you for your time and your patience and your gratitude, of course, madam.

We will be speaking soon. Good night to you for now.

I'll be on the next plane.

Okay, I'll wait for you.

Thank you, madam. Good night.

Thank you so much. I can't wait to see you.

Yes, of course. Good heavens. Ta-ta.

Bye.

Nice

Very well done

Yeah

Yeah man

That's good stuff

Thank you

Very good stuff

You should be proud of yourself

You get a

You get a gold star man

That's awesome

Where's the gold star

Can you play the

Piece of song

The piece of

Alright last one

And we're going to sleep

Guys okay

So get ready for your

Okay

For your fast

Don't forget to call

Devil's Field

Since you want my song

Oh well

Is it downloaded yet

I'll play it now

If it's downloaded

Six minutes left

I'll play it

Well I'll play it Thursday

I'll do a show Thursday

Thursday. If not, may God strike

me down. Alright. Alright, is it

Goddamn Pizza? Is it

Goddamn Pizza? Play Jim's Pizza

Call and call Debra Mansfield,

man, and then we'll bail out.

It's very long, though. I don't know if you want

to play that. It's very long. I'll play it at the end

then. And it's only the end bit.

It's only the end bit that actually is

worth listening to. That's a long

one. If you want to listen to another

good one,

Feeling Isn't Bad.

Which one is it now?

It's up to you.

Well, out of the ones that are left, which is the best one, even if it's long?

I'll play it at the very end after we're done.

You know what I'm saying?

The pizza one?

The milk one says pizza one.

I like pizza.

How long is it?

Yeah, I mean, if he likes the pizza one, play the pizza one.

I don't mind.

How long is it exactly?

It's pretty long.

How long is it long?

60 minutes?

It's only about 15 minutes, but it's only about the last five minutes or the last two minutes that are worth listening to

because the first business order in pizza.

All right, I'll play it.

I'm going to play it at the very end.

We're going to wrap up here.

Milkman, I can't call Debra Mansfield, man.

I really need to get to sleep.

I've got a big day tomorrow.

But it is now your time.

Is the song done yet, downloading?

Five minutes still.

I couldn't tell you, man.

All right.

Well, hopefully it'll be done by the time we wrap up and the intro's over.

We can play that.

Wow.

Cool.

Then we'll play Jen's prank call.

Maybe not in that order exactly, one or the other, depending on who finishes first.

All right.

Milkman, take us out of here, please.

Cool.

Please take us out of here.

all right man yeah man well thanks a lot for taking time off everybody just you know make it

clear carlito is going for his degree and when he finishes up his degree he's going to be a very rich

wise man so please excuse our our fearless leader when he cannot be on here doing shows

every night like he plans so we'll just do it by ear we'll be on when we can and just remember

It's all for the good of all because the show will only get better as time continues.

So I'd like to thank all our friends out there in the chat rooms for joining in and having fun with us.

We love you, Ted, Madman, all our good friends there, everybody over there.

We love you.

I especially want to thank Sweet Kisses and Jen, my buddies.

Thank you.

We're right here in the madhouse.

Carlito.

God bless Carlito.

So, we love you for all you do.

Thanks so much for your interactive, fun show full of comedy and pranks.

We love you, man.

That's right.

Especially you, the listener.

I want to thank you for tuning in because, you know what?

It's all about you.

This is why we do it.

We do this so that we can share a smile with you and get you through that next mile.

We pay every week.

We pay for the phones.

We pay for the cards.

We take the risk.

all you have to do is just interact join in and laugh and smile with us thank you so much for

being there because we love y'all that's right black y'all katie k lego all our friends love y'all

thanks a lot for tuning in right on man thank you milkman thank you jim stewart for being in

if you want to say hi to anybody drop a shout out thank you for having me on the show man god

bless man you're welcome anytime please be on thursday if you can make it man for sure i will

It will certainly come on Thursday, yeah.

All right, awesome.

And I was...

Hey, when's that new Jim Stokes show coming out?

Yeah, when is it coming out?

The Jim Stokes show is going to start on Sunday.

Sunday.

Awesome.

Sunday at what time?

1 p.m.

GMT.

8 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, and I guess that's 5 a.m. in the Pacific.

8 a.m. Eastern, yeah.

Wow.

Well, you know what?

We might replay it for you or something, man.

You know what I'm saying?

Maybe we'll replay it for you on Sunday nights.

If I could get a copy of it quick enough from you, I could replay it for you.

I wouldn't mind.

Yeah, I'll send it to you right after the show.

That's my problem.

Awesome, dude.

That would be an honor.

Okay, guys, that's it.

We're out of here.

Thank you, everybody, for listening.

We will catch you here next week.

Thank you.

Next week.

We'll catch you here Thursday.

MadHouseLive.com.

Thank you, everybody.

Thank you, Lonesome Loser.

And God bless NATO.

I'm punching them out.

Don't let them call our names if you're boring, man.

And you better not let me find out who you are.

You're a damn something.

Because I'm going to call the real damn police.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

I don't have time for your bullshit.

Fuck you, man.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Oh, yeah, just come over here.

I'm going to show you.

You want to talk to your mom?

Fuck you, bitch.

I'm going to fuck her.

Boo, don't you?

Calls (9, 21 min of 1 h 12 min)

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