2007-02-22 Show

And who plays What Happens in America?

Well, we steamed your ass in World War II.

What do you have to do?

We never did.

And who helped you out just now?

You piss off, woman.

Don't talk to me like that.

We don't need you anyway, bitch.

God, fuck you.

Call me a stinky, stinky fucker.

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

You ever get a feeling?

Shut up.

You ever get a feeling like you forgot the last ten minutes of your life?

You ever get that feeling?

Are these guys on mute?

Hey, jackasses.

No, not on mute.

Hey, guys.

No, I'm not on mute.

Jesus, God

Anyway, so we're here, we're back

We're here, good evening everybody

We're starting late, 11.38pm

We usually start at this time anyway

What's up, Madhouse Radio

Thursday the 22nd of February

2007

Thank you, Dina, very good idea

So here we are, ready to do a show

We're very excited

Here with me tonight, Milkman

Jin, and the Warrior

Guys, say hi real quick

Quickly, please.

Bye-bye, Joe.

Yeah.

Well, good.

Good to have you guys on.

We are ready for a show, I suppose, right?

You guys ready to do some prank calls and whatnot?

Yeah, man.

I'm ready to rock and roll.

Awesome.

Let's do it.

Okay.

Well, hey, everybody.

If you want to reach us here tonight, the toll-free line will be open later.

The toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

Again, the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

We'll probably be opening that up here in about 15, 20 minutes.

um if you want to reach us on aol instant messenger madhouse radio again aol instant

messenger is madhouse radio online no that's the first time i said it guys you always fuck this up

dude let me get my list of uh hang on i need my list of messengers here before i start misinforming

people like every month every week every month uh yeah anyway if you want to reach us on aol

instant messenger it is actually yes madhouse radio fine uh madhouse pcu radio on yahoo messenger

you can also reach us on uh msn messenger over at madhouse live at hotmail.com the new yahoo

messenger is madhouse radio online so i made a mistake anyway if you want to get a hold of us

tonight there are plenty of ways to do so uh the chat room is also available uh milkman your turn

go ahead and try to give out the chat room

you get one shot tonight

alright everybody that chat room is

pcuradio.dyn.dns.org

alright awesome

and the favorite channel is

houndpc

houndpcu everybody

wazoo

there are plenty of people in there tonight

including none other than

Mr. Lonesome Loser Himself Storm Shadow

he has sent in a shit ton of fucking stuff

there's a mouth magazine dude

dude? Did you know there was a Mouth Magazine,

dude? Freaking hardest freaking man

in all pranks radio.

We're going to have to call Mouth Magazine, dude.

98.6

Mouth Magazine. So there it is.

There we are. And here we go.

First time messenger on AOL

Instant Messenger saying, yo, wrestling.

Well, hey, wrestling man.

Wrestling wow. Yo to yourself, man.

Alright, yo for wrestling.

Alright.

I heard he's Rowdy. Rowdy, Rowdy

Piper. Hey, Jen.

Hey, Jim.

Hey, what's up, man?

When's the last time you were in Germany?

Sorry, come again?

When's the last time that you were in Germany?

Wasn't actually that long ago.

I think it was July.

You go there often, then?

No, Christmas.

Sorry, I was there for Christmas.

You got family there still?

Like, your immediate family is there?

Oh, yeah, I go there a lot.

Yeah, most of my family's there.

Yeah, I'm the same.

Most of my family's on an island in the Caribbean named Puerto Rico.

You probably never heard of it.

Well, you would if you lived here.

Oh, I know Puerto Rico, but I've never been there.

Ah, see, we're legends in our own time.

The Puerto Ricans.

Very proud people we are, Muckman.

Don't you know it.

Just like the Virgin Islanders.

Oh, my God.

We're the most...

Don't mess with the man.

Cradle of civilization is Puerto Rico.

Exactly.

Yes, sir.

La Ida Verde.

Huh?

What?

I wasn't listening.

Huh?

Okay, whatever.

Honestly, I wasn't paying attention.

Andy.

Andy's reporting.

We have...

Congratulations to Andy.

He has just found out.

He got an email that...

I guess, an offer on a house

that he's going to be acquiring has been accepted.

So I don't know if he's closing yet, but

congratulations, man. Good for you.

And getting a house. That's awesome, man.

Living the American dream, Andy is, huh?

Isn't that awesome? He left us

and ended up getting a house.

Well, that's what you gotta do. Maybe if I leave Athena,

I'll get a house.

I'm gonna leave you, baby.

Would that turn you on if I left you?

For another woman, would that turn you on?

An older woman? Older man?

Younger man. Younger man. Catholic priest.

I don't know if you're a Catholic priest.

Freaky dinky.

Yeah. Anyway, so prank calls.

Anything in the news we should talk about?

I heard that Anna Nicole Smith still isn't buried.

I guess the order came down tonight.

What is this shit about Britney Spears and the head shaving?

Yeah, Britney Spears bald head.

Have you seen the pictures of her going crazy?

That was Skinhead O'Connor.

Listen, have you heard the story of her going crazy last night at Kevin Federline's house with an umbrella?

And she started going crazy hitting cars and hitting a paparazzi with it?

Did you see that?

There's pictures online, dude.

No, I didn't see that.

Go to drudgereport.com.

Hang on.

I'll send you a link here.

You know where the Drudge Report is, Milkman, right?

Drudgereport.com.

As of earlier tonight, on the front page, there was...

Yeah, see?

Look at Brittany, Athena.

She's swinging.

She's bald as hell

She looks like a short Demi Moore

When she had her hair bald for that one movie

G.I. Jane

And she's rearing

She's rearing back this

Green umbrella

And she's about to throw it through a car

Like the window of a car

It's hilarious

Look at this

There's a bunch of pictures here

She's fucking crazy

She's swinging it at people

Brittany lost control

No one's talking about this

I guess there's no video of it

I'm waiting for the video of it

But there it is.

Mike, a friend of mine, Mike, I don't know if I'm supposed to call him that.

Hey, yeah, Milkman, the guy who made the PSAs.

You know what I'm talking about?

Remember those PSAs that we played on Sunday?

Yeah, those were hilarious, man.

Did he bring them back with some better audio levels?

No, I don't have the audio fit.

I've just been too busy, man.

But I got them.

Okay, I got you, man.

I know you've been busy.

Right on, man.

Hey, he says he would also like...

Hey, can you post that link for the Skinhead O'Connor pictures?

Oh, yeah, if you allow me.

I mean, I'm going to tell you the website.

It's x17online.com.

Again, that's the letter X, as in xylophone, x17online.com.

They're right on the front page.

It's entitled Exclusive Britney Rages, it says.

And you know what?

There is a video on here.

I haven't seen the video yet because I was at work.

But there it is.

There it is.

Anyway, so congratulations to my friend Mike.

What about those pictures that they got, those snapshots of her that have been circulating around?

I ain't got to see none of those yet.

I don't know.

I don't look at pornography.

I don't need to.

Right, Athena?

Oh, okay.

Right.

Thank you.

Milkman.

I do.

Anybody wants to send a link, I want to see him snapshot at least once.

Angry clam.

Uh-huh.

Good.

Yeah.

Was he talking about you?

I don't know.

Milkman, I lose you sometimes.

Mikey T says Carlito isn't even watching the chat room.

He's talking to himself.

This is brutal.

What the hell?

What can you do?

What can you do, man?

I don't know what to tell you.

Where's the music?

There we go.

Anyway, yeah, Milkman, you did it wrong, you horse.

Well, somebody can Google that link.

That's not it.

You completely arrested me.

Sorry, never mind.

Oh, I know.

You can say fuck, but what's the big deal, Jen?

We talk dirty here all the time.

How does that?

We do drugs on this show.

Oh, it's online.com.

You do?

God.

Thank you.

You blimey idiot.

No, I'm sorry, Jen.

I'm kidding.

You bloody wanker, you noo-noo.

The Homie Hearth Bakery.

There's a Homie Hearth Bakery, apparently.

H-O-M-E-Y.

Is that honey or homie?

We need to call them.

We do.

The Homie Health...

I found Homie the Clown on Google.

Oh, he's got a Wikipedia page, man.

What about Homie the Clown?

That fucking guy, huh?

I love Homie the Clown.

He was great.

He had that sock full of quarters that he hit people with.

He hit kids.

you know probably a lot of these little kids don't remember that you know that was living

color some of the finest stuff to ever come along man it broke the mold yeah homie expresses

great resentment of the man feeling he's the cause of all his problems in life in his current

situation he often says things like my police file is as is a long list of lies perpetrated

by the man to keep brother down despite this homie homie once met the man by infiltrating

high culture, but later revealed it was all

part of his master plan to bop the man

with his trademark sock.

That's great.

I remember that. He became like

a butler or something.

Or he became like a door

attendant at a restaurant in order to infiltrate the man

and hit him with a sock. Great.

Good for him. Homie the Clown, don't mess around.

Those were good times, man. Good times.

You don't get good quality

comedy like that anymore, man.

The Wyam brothers are some crazy

bastards.

strips yeah that's it man that's it uh so here it is uh we're gonna call homie hearth bakery

homie hearth bakery this isn't air okay am i am i who's doing the call uh i'm doing it i don't have

the the phone set up to be able to set uh the uh you guys talking so what you could do you could

call here you know you call here and we put yeah i'll call him what's your number uh i can't just

Just give it out.

Milkman, do you have my number?

I don't know my number.

No.

Yeah.

All right.

Give it to Jen.

Meet me in the back room here in the madhouse.

That is gay.

I'm going to do the homie health thing.

Let me do the call first, and then you call in with the martial arts.

We're going to do a martial arts call after that.

You'll do that one, all right?

Super?

All right.

Fabulous, wonderful, beautiful.

Okay.

We're going to come right back here in a moment with the first prank call of the night.

again to the homey hearth bakery uh we shall be right back after this okay these guys confirmed

seven minutes ago hi is this the bakery hi uh what's the maximum amount on this short notice

of a bakery order you can have by 8 a.m tomorrow uh what are you wanting we're just looking to feed

some of these kids over here tomorrow morning we don't have any breakfast for them we're looking

care for rolls or pastries or bread or whatever you got.

Okay.

Um, I'm not sure.

I don't normally do breakfast, but, um, let me see.

My, the girl who does breakfast will be in probably around 4.

4 a.m.?

What kind of stuff do you normally have there in the morning?

Do you have donuts?

Um, we have turnovers, muffins, biscuits and gravy.

Oh, biscuits and gravy.

That would be perfect.

I wrote an order for that to pick it up around 8 o'clock a.m.

I've got to talk to her?

No, about how many are you wanting for?

Forty kids.

Forty kids?

Yeah.

All right, I can put this down, and then, let's say, that would give her a general idea,

and then if you would call back about, can you call back like at 6?

Well, here's the deal.

The gravy, I have a special recipe for gravy.

I was wondering if you guys could do it for me.

She would probably need a couple of days' head of time on that.

Well, I can bring it in.

Do you have mayonnaise?

Yes.

All right, you get some mayonnaise.

You get some bacon bits.

You get some corn oil.

You get some bacon grease.

You get some white flour.

You get some Diet Coke.

You get some Splenda.

And you mix it all up in a big keg, like you take a beer keg and you cut it,

top off, and you boil it in there for about an hour.

Oh, that's interesting.

Yeah, that's what I call gravy.

I was just wondering, maybe you could just do a little something special for me with that gravy.

I'm not sure.

Like I say, I don't do it, so she'll be in around four.

I can leave her a note.

You don't want to make the gravy?

I know.

I'm sorry.

You know, I have a special gravy in my pants that comes out of my ass.

I guess she's not into that.

I'm a fecal-feliac.

That was fucking ridiculous.

That was stupid at the end.

and I ruined that at the end.

But, yeah, John Masterson is a fecal-feliac, everybody.

Hang on.

I love Jack Masterson.

That 500-pound fat ball of fun.

Actually, 428 pounds, but who's counting?

Whatever.

He's lost a little weight lately.

You know, he's down to 428 now.

He's been up to 498 for a while.

Poor Jack Masterson.

Poor, poor old Jack Masterson, man.

Diabetic.

Well, I put a Twiggy up to a mountain and stick it in my mouth and follow it down.

Man, that's what they said.

We have three minutes left on our contract, man.

What can you say?

We're not supposed to talk about that at all.

Hey, Tuck says, Tuck is checking in the chat room.

Excuse me for coughing.

Tuck wants to know, don't forget to mention the new podcast.

Tuck's new podcast.

Oh, cool.

Yeah, man.

man. It's over at

I heard it the other day, man. It's called

Revolutuck and it is

Revolutuckshow.blogspot.com

So, you know, like Revolution

R-E-V-O-L-U

Tuckshow.blogspot.com

Or if not, you know, get a hold of him

at 1-800-TUCKER-MIKE

and he'll be happy to tell you how to do it.

He said a new show was put up tonight.

So that's awesome.

Tuck is joining in.

He can't do a live show, but he can definitely do a podcast.

And I'm looking forward to hearing that tomorrow.

I'm going to have to download that myself, man.

I wonder if Tuck knows about being on iTunes, man.

That's a very good thing to do.

Very good thing to do.

That's the way to go, man.

You know how many people listen just from iTunes?

Well, man, there it is.

Okay, well, moving right along.

The next parent call of the night here.

um we're gonna call ancient martial arts now jen are you gonna try to call in for this did you got

the phone number here to call yes i'm gonna call him right now from my landline hold on good deal

make it so all right he will be calling in in a moment hey what's that song we used to always play

when we called britain uh milkman the rolling stones right wasn't it uh satisfaction oh yeah

yeah yeah i can't get no satisfaction can't get no satisfaction i'll play that next oh look the

We got the Boom Boom Room Nightclub.

Sweet.

Okay.

All right, here we go.

All right.

Hang on.

Put yourself on mute in the computer.

We'll be all confused.

All right, Jen.

All right, I'm just going to go ahead and sign this off.

All right, hello.

Hello, man.

Hello, hello.

Okay, you ready to call this martial arts place?

I am ready as ever.

Do you know what martial arts are?

What martial arts are they doing?

I don't know.

It's just ancient martial arts, so I can imagine.

I'm ready.

Yeah.

What's an ancient martial art?

Fuck, thanks, but we were about to find out.

Yeah.

Yeah, and Milkman, what was the first martial art?

Any idea? Kung Fu?

Ancient martial art was, well, Kung Fu was very ancient, yeah, and Karate in different forms.

Karate, alright.

Alright, well, Jin, hang on, I'm going to conference this in with that number, okay?

Alright, ten-four.

Modern martial art would be something that would be actually a mix of some old styles.

Hey, actually, I held a belt in Taekwondo.

And try calling again without blocking your number.

Oh, shit.

Oh, this is turning on great.

That number doesn't take anonymous callers.

Fuck.

All right, well, we're going to move on.

We've got tons more numbers here.

Hang on.

I've got the Boom Boom Room Nightclub.

Let me try that.

Oh, there's a sushi bar, too.

Hang on.

Sushi bar.

Let's do the sushi bar.

All right, let's see if this works.

This is the Love Boat Sushi Bar.

An Asian woman answered about 20 minutes ago, so we should be okay.

I feel confident about this one working out, all right?

Thank you for calling Love Boat Sushi.

How may I appear?

Hello, I am calling because you are sushi bar. You speak Chinese.

Excuse me?

Do you speak Chinese?

Chinese?

Chinese.

No.

You don't speak Chinese. Let me ask you a question. Do you know how to fight?

Excuse me?

You know how to fight, like martial arts. I want to learn martial arts, but you tell me, my friend, he tell me to call sushi bar and they teach me how to fight.

Hello, how are you? I want to, you teach me how to fight. My friend, he call me on the telephone and he say, call the sushi bar and he teach you how to kill someone.

I'm sorry, I can't understand.

What is the problem? You can't hear me?

Are you looking for somebody?

Yeah, I know I'm looking for someone to help me to fight someone else.

So my friend, he gave me your telephone number.

And he said, call you and you tell me how to fight someone.

And I want to because I have many enemies and I want to kill.

So are you coming here?

I want to know how long are you open?

Tonight until 10 o'clock.

Now I come in and you teach me how to fight.

Oh, I'm sorry. I have no idea.

What do you mean? You have no idea?

I come in. I come in five minutes. I'll be there.

And you teach me how to fight.

Are you going to eat in here?

I don't want to eat. I want to fight.

Highly?

Hi, where are you? I want to fight. I want to, oh, you know.

To go?

I want to fight.

Oh, sorry sir.

Why are you sorry? I want you to tell me how to fight. Why are you sorry?

Hello, you are not very nice to me. I want to just learn how to fight.

Uh, excuse me?

You, you, my friend, he tell me, you teach me. He say call sushi bar and you tell me how to fight.

I can understand. I'm gonna give the phone to the other person. Can you tell him? Okay?

Yeah, yeah.

He wouldn't be angry.

Better.

What's up?

Hi.

Hey, bro.

What's he saying?

I didn't hear anything. He's gonna be here.

Hello?

Oh, what the hell is wrong with that other lady? I can't understand.

I'm sorry.

She's a girl of mine.

I'm sorry. The phone is so fast.

I'm sorry?

The phone is kind of far, so it's hard to hear you.

Well, madam, I'm so disappointed. I was talking to your friend a moment ago, and she just blasted off.

And she said, she said, I can't understand all that bizarre rubbish, utter nonsense.

You can understand me, can't you, my dear?

Oh, sorry. So do you want an order to go?

Oh, madam, I would love to make an order. Now, just a question now. What kind of meat do you serve there?

Oh, so you don't want an order to go?

To go? No, no, no, madam. What kind of meat do you serve there?

What kind of business are we doing?

Yes, yes, what kind of business I know, what kind of business you're a restaurant.

But I'd like to know, madam, what kind of meat do you serve there?

Do you serve human flesh?

I'm sorry, because the...

You're sorry because?

The waitress is not a first language, she's not English.

Oh.

So it's hard to understand.

What's your first language, madam?

What is your first language, madam?

Oh, she, her first language is Korean.

Korean?

Oh, I know Hapkido.

I was, I was in the martial arts.

I was, yes.

Never mind.

Madam, I just want to know, what do you do there? You serve meat, yes?

Oh, so you're going to come here?

You serve meat. Meat. Do you know? You serve meat.

Meat?

Meat, yes. Do you serve it?

Okay.

Okay? Yes, you do. Yes or no?

Yes, we have meat.

Oh, yes, good. Do you have human meat from the human meat market in Korea?

I have friends over there, they can probably ship it to you. Madam?

Yes?

Yes, good lord. Madam, do you have human flesh?

So you want to come to here to eat, right?

Yes, I want to come there to eat human.

You want to eat a human?

Yes, of course. Now you've caught on. That's wonderful.

Madam, I'd like to eat human flesh.

And I know that you can get it in Korea.

And now Korea is your first language.

Madam, I'm sure we can come to some sort of arrangement here.

Ah, hold on a second.

Oh, yeah. I will hold on as long as you like.

We're on the way, you know, right now.

And I don't know if that's fun.

Do you mind?

I don't know if you can hear me, but I think this is good shit.

I hope so. Give me a sign. Somebody tell me this is good shit.

Hey, hello? You know what, uh, you're, um...

Hello?

I don't, I don't, I don't want to see any humans.

What the fuck is this guy on in the background? Oh, my God.

Hello? Hello?

Hey, man, what's going on? I was just talking to this baby about a minute ago.

I just, I don't know what's going on about, man.

What is this?

What's up, man?

Hello?

Hey, man, what you doing?

Yeah.

Yeah, man. What's up, man? What you talking about, man?

Your baby over there, she was on the phone a minute ago, man. She was going on about some shit right there.

Baby?

Eating a human or some shit, man. I don't know what the fuck she was going on about.

What's up, man?

What's up, brother? Yeah. Who's this?

Yeah, what's up, man? What you talking about, man?

Yeah. Who are you?

Yeah, man. What's up? What?

Huh?

What you saying, man? I can't hear what you're saying, man. What's up, man?

What's up, Kerr?

What's up, man?

Tell me which one.

What you talking about, man? I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

Listen, man, look, yo, this baby I'm talking to a minute ago, she was going on about eating some meat or something, man, I don't know what the fuck, man, crazy bitch, you know what I'm saying?

Are you, you, you, you looking for somebody?

Yeah, I'm, I'm not, man, what the fuck, yo, yeah, everybody tell me I'm looking for somebody, man, I, I'm looking for some people, what the fuck's this, man, what, what?

What's his name, you're looking for somebody, right?

Yeah, I'm looking for Bruce, man.

Are you looking for Bruce?

Yeah, Bruce, man.

You're looking for Bruce, he's a, he's a African-American, or?

He's a white maker? What the fuck? No, man. He's Bruce Lee, man. He's a crazy motherfucker, you know what I'm saying?

Uh, I can understand. What you talking about?

Yo, what the fuck? Yo, I'm talking about, I'm talking about...

What you talking about, Kurt?

No, listen, man.

What's your brother?

You know what I'm saying? I call him...

What, what, what?

Hey, buddy. Buddy, tell me something. Tell me what you want.

What the fuck? What you mean what I want? I want to talk, man. I just want to chill out.

Yeah, what you talking about? This is Derek.

You know what I'm saying? What?

Yeah. Yeah, what you talking about?

You want to praise something to the order or you want to look for somebody or anything else?

I was going to tell you something. Can you get those, those, those, those babes?

Yeah, yeah. You call me here. Call me. Please. Yeah. I'll wait.

Listen, man. You're on the radio right now, motherfucker. You're on the radio.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Do not talk about it like that.

Do not talk about your heart. I will not talk about you again.

Okay? So you've been a great sport, all right? Thank you.

Okay. All right. Hang up the phone.

Whoa. Did you order him to...

Hello?

Hey, did you order him to hang up the phone at the end there?

Yeah.

That's funny. Hang up the phone.

That was pretty good, wasn't it?

That was good. Was that three different voices I counted?

Three, yeah.

Well, right on, man.

I hope that was a hit. I'm sorry.

No, it was good. It was good. It was good because it went...

The first one was kind of eh. The second one with the eating was funny.

The third one was just funny because that guy was like, you know what I mean?

Yeah, it was pretty good.

Asian guys are funny.

Very well done, man.

Thanks, man.

Awesome.

I'm going to come back on the TV.

All right, we'll catch you on the system.

All right, man.

Good work.

Not you.

Hey.

Not you.

Hey, guys, we're back.

Where's Milkman?

Oh, Milkman's on mute.

Holy shit.

Of course he's on mute.

We'll unmute the warrior first, then we'll unmute the milkman, then we'll unmute the

gin man.

And here we are.

Good.

I got a lot of stuff going on here in the background tonight.

I'm trying to pay as much attention as I can to the show.

And my computer is being a little gated, too.

What?

Is that Galo?

I mean, Lego in the chat?

I don't know.

I don't think so.

Where?

Yeah, he just came in.

What's he want, man?

What's his beef?

I don't think he's here to cause trouble, man.

Just, uh...

All right.

Yeah.

All right.

Good, good.

But, yeah, anybody's welcome.

Okay.

You know, everybody's welcome.

welcome uh one of my win amps froze which is not good we may lose the stream we may lose the stream

here momentarily that would be bad just one moment but darkness falls general welcome clone yeah good

good well hey uh yeah i'll welcome him and then i'll fucking ban him nice yeah welcome with your

little bobby badge again man all right man let's let's just be you know let's be civil there's no

No need for hate.

Something

like that.

1-0-4, Herr Commandant.

1-0-4? That's right.

10-4? I gotcha.

Gotcha.

Alright, Nunu wants us to call Japan.

Japan. Now, Milkman, isn't that pretty expensive?

Is it going to be pretty expensive?

Yeah, it is expensive.

I don't know if we can afford that, man.

Actually, on those cards, it may not be that bad.

To Japan? I don't know, man. I don't know.

Japan has a good rate. If you call the Philippines, it's going to be expensive.

But Japan has a good rate? Seriously? That's crazy.

Oh, man.

Yeah, well, because they're pretty big in commerce, you know.

All right, hang on. Let's find out. Let me try to call Japan here.

We're going to call, what is this now?

Okay, hang on.

Break the music real quick.

This is what exactly now?

This is a bar in Japan?

Is that what it is?

A barbershop?

What's going on here?

Nunu says, yeah, it's a barbershop in Japan on webcam.

Sure enough, he said it looks kind of crowded.

Where's the damn link to the webcam?

It's already been posted in the chat room.

Oh, I've got to ask you.

Oh, he's been posting the damn nanny cams all night.

I didn't know that.

Jin has it.

It's salon-net.org.

But we're posting a direct link to the webcam, the live webcam there now.

I cannot see it.

Let me try to open it now without crashing the stream.

Just one moment.

Oh, okay.

There it is.

I'll be darned.

Yeah?

Oh, look at that.

What time is it now?

Oh, yeah.

Well, over there.

What time is it now?

We're 13 hours away.

Yeah.

Milkman, you have relatives in Japan.

right don't you oh yeah i got relatives all over man that's good that's good all right well we're

gonna call these japanese people right on i'll try i won't be too offensive milkman try to talk

slow because they probably won't have great english so what do you say is it wasi wasi is

that what i'm supposed to say no mushi mushi mushi mushi mushi not wasi wasi yeah it's mushi mushi

i had it i kind of have mushi mushi mushi mushi mushi i think they say mushi mushi sometimes

Yeah, that's like the slang way of saying it.

Sweet. Okay. Hang on, folks. We'll be right back

with that in just a moment here.

He's just gonna roll.

I haven't played this one in a while.

If you spoke, speak slow

and clear English, they'll

speak to you. Super.

Well, that's not bad.

Hour 9 minutes.

Does Nino even wish?

I don't know. It sounds Japanese.

This phone is connected to the phone and fax.

The person on the phone

has a phone number, so

Can you understand that, Milkman?

Can you leave a message, please?

Well, domo arigato for nothing, Nunu.

Hey, Athena, stop snoring.

All right, thank you.

Jesus.

Put the mic over by it next time first.

Yeah, that's what's going to happen.

What?

What are you yelling for?

You're so weird sometimes, Milkman.

Man, God, man.

I just started yelling.

Well, shit, I wanted to talk to Japan, man.

What the hell?

Can I?

Yeah, that would have been really good.

All kind of good, man.

Well, someone give me a number in Japan.

Give me a Hilton in Japan or something.

Or the McDonald's.

All right, let me try one.

The McDonald's in Japan.

I know there's a McDonald's in there.

That island.

Oh, yeah, they got a lot of them, man.

That island nation.

KFC in Japan.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, they have them too, man.

I'll be Rotisserie Wallace, the KFC manager who's trying to get transferred to Japan.

Try to find some in Tokyo, because you'll find a lot of English speakers there.

Yeah, let's call Japan, man.

Come on, guys.

Give me some Japan numbers.

Let's get pumped up for Japan.

Ching-chong-chang-chong-chang.

I'm sorry.

Hey, Brad.

We assaulted the great island nation of Great Britain,

and now we're moving to the far east, the land of the rising sun.

Here we come, Japan.

You know what?

I miss Dr. Legle already, man.

This sucks, man.

He was like my brother, man.

I mean, I love that guy, man.

Bro.

I'll try and cheer you up and say bro every five minutes, okay?

Bro.

Hey, how about that bro song, huh?

You like that bro song that we played?

That was cool.

You got to play it again one more time, man.

Hang on, let me find it here.

I don't know if I have it readily available.

Before the end of the night, I want to hear the cologne call again.

That was classic.

Yeah, well, definitely.

Sandman did a hell of a job.

Definitely.

Sandman.

That was a Sandman.

Man, I guess it was Jen.

He's taking responsibility for it.

Oh, you sure?

He did.

That was me, yeah.

See?

No, that was me.

You sound like Jen, man.

You got a damn good...

It was me, though, man.

I can tell you, man.

I think you're being kind of a dick, bro.

Fuck you, bro.

I love this.

I think you're being kind of a dick, bro.

I say, I say, fuck you, you.

You pussy-ass motherfucker.

You dick sucker.

Bro, bro, bro, bro.

You're a stop-and-go.

Now that the representative of South Africa has been...

All right, enough of that.

Anyway, from now on, Dr. Lego will be known as Dr. Bro.

And Zolar will be known as Hoo-Ha.

I don't know, but we've got to come up with a name for Zolar.

Hoo-Lar.

Zolard?

Hoo-Har.

I don't know, whatever.

He's fucking gay.

I hate talking like that.

I have such a stupid voice.

Whatever.

Gentlemen, Casanova Italian.

You have to get in the Eddie Ward.

We've got the Casanova Italian restaurant and deli.

Hey, I've got to open a toll-free line.

Maybe we should take some callers on the night like tonight, you know?

All right, well, let me...

You know what?

I really want to hear from somebody.

I'd love to hear from the wild, crazy, knucklehead bastard from California.

Well, I bet you anything Jonathan is busy super speed dialing the number right now.

So...

No, man.

Yeah, come on, man.

You know Jonathan.

Let's talk to this...

Jesus, that was loud.

Anyway, I'm having audio problems tonight, unfortunately.

Give me a moment here.

The toll-free line again.

is 1-888-278-8509.

Again, you can call us here toll-free anywhere in the United States of America.

1-888-278-8509.

The toll-free line is now open.

You got the time, and we got the dime.

Ain't that right, Milkman?

Bro.

That's right, bro.

All right, bro.

Right on.

Okay, so let's continue here.

We're going to call the Jack in the Box restaurant in Kennewick, Washington.

Jonathan's calling in.

Jonathan, everybody.

We're about to talk to Jonathan.

This will be interesting.

Jonathan, you're on Madhouse Radio.

What's up, everybody?

Hey, man.

What's going on?

Not much.

I'm in both chat rooms.

I'm on a different name in PCU.

Oh, yeah?

Well, good, man.

Good.

Good for you.

Don't be shy.

We want everybody to feel welcome in PCU, man.

It's a great thing.

Yeah, I'm under the Kang Kang name.

Oh, Kang Kang.

Right on.

So what's the story of Kang Kang?

Why Kang Kang?

What is the Kang Kang story, man?

Well, it's kind of a fun story.

My toy came up with that name, and it just cracked me up.

Okay.

That's it?

I mean, is that the only way you can explain the Kang Kang name?

Yeah.

You got, man, you got stuff in the background, man.

Oh, hell.

Oh, I like that.

It's funny.

I'm coughing way too much.

Wow, man.

So guess what, man?

What's up?

We're going to take an offering tonight for you, Jonathan, to get your bus.

We're going to take an offering tonight to get your bus washed.

Oh, really?

I know you've been really, you know, every other day you tell me, oh, I want to get my bus washed.

I'm going to get it washed.

You know, how do you get a school bus washed?

Do you get up there with a broom?

You know, like you scrub it down with one of those big floor brooms that they use,

you know what I mean, those big long ones?

Yeah, just like in a regular old car wash, the manual ones, we just use those.

Oh, really?

Buses also.

Okay, like the kind that washes trailers and like semis and stuff like that?

Yeah.

Okay, cool, man. Right on.

Well, Jonathan, it wouldn't be a show without talking to you,

so we had to open the lines. I know you'd want to call.

Do you have any thoughts on what may have transpired earlier tonight?

Anything you want to say?

Well, I don't have no clue what's been going on in the PCR room,

but I'm not worried with it.

As long as I'm welcoming PCU to listen to you, that's all that matters.

Yeah, you know, even if we weren't welcoming PCU, we'd have somewhere to go.

We'd have somewhere to be.

There'd be a chat room.

There'd be the toll-free line.

There'd be the messengers.

And this show will live on, you know what I mean?

In the same situation, if KDK had come across like Lego did on Monday night

and disrespected me like a man and disrespected my person,

I would have acted in the same way with him.

I would have dropped KDK, but KDK has never disrespected me on my person like he did.

KDK's not a bad guy.

He may be silly sometimes, but it's all good.

He's got an ego.

I mean, he admits it.

I agree.

I'm not going to say that he always makes me laugh.

He makes me laugh quite a bit.

I enjoy his show, but I don't like everything.

I, too, am a little weary when it gets to be him and Keith talking about cats and homo sex, and that's fine.

I mean, I'm more open-minded, and, yeah, even that bothers me sometimes,

but not to the point that I'm going to, like, ruin my life over it, you know what I mean?

Anyway, yeah, anyway, so KDK and me, we're cool.

Me and Dr. Legger are cool, as far as I know.

The rest of the PCR people, I don't know what to say.

You know, I can't vouch for them.

So there it is.

All right, man.

All right, well, you take care of yourself, Jonathan.

Now's your time to say hi to your fans.

I would just like to say hello to all my fans and listeners,

and a special hi to KDK.

I'm glad that you welcomed me back up in the PCU.

Woo.

I hope you all have a pleasant weekend and have fun.

Woo, Jonathan, woo.

Woo, give me a woo.

What the heck is a KDK?

I didn't hear it.

Say woo, give me a big woo.

Woo.

All right.

Later, Jonathan.

Later.

Put Jonathan in the grave for it.

Hey, play that again.

What was that riff you just did?

Go, ding, ding, ding.

Do that real quick.

That's not it.

That was different.

Anyway, stop playing that out-of-tune banjo like Saigon would say.

Oh, I miss Saigon, man.

I miss Saigon so much already, man.

You know what?

Yeah.

Every time I take a shit, just before I flush it, I take a Saigon, so I never went down.

Well, sweet, man.

That's awesome.

Praise be to Allah.

Is that how you do it, man?

Yeah, man.

That's how Milkman takes a shit, everybody.

That was good.

That's sick, Milkman.

My butt itches now.

You're a sick bastard.

We're going to have to take a break.

Jen, how are you feeling about the show so far?

We're moving okay.

You know, I think we're doing better than I thought we would.

I fucking love it, man.

Much quicker than last week.

That's true.

Well, Sunday show.

Yeah, Sunday show was, yeah, that was a story right there.

I did it.

Dude, you was out of sorts, man.

Yeah, I was not.

And I'm kind of out of sorts still right now, too.

I'm under a lot of stress in my personal life right now,

and it's taken a lot for me to do a show tonight.

But I want to thank all 32 of you who are listening live tonight.

That's awesome.

And that's the truth.

We've got 23 people listening on PCU,

and we've got nine people listening on the mouth.

That's 32 of you rubbernecks right now who are listening.

Hi, everyone.

Hey, everybody.

No problems there.

I appreciate it very much.

okay uh i really need to get the break here ready hang on just a moment here milkman talk

about something all right talk about the uh i don't know the toll-free line give the toll-free

line out right quick eight eight seven eight eight five zero nine right here in the madhouse

that's right do that welcome back or good buddy that warrior oh yeah man that's what i'm saying

the warrior yeah he's in here too if you're out there please call in the warrior was in uh he was

was in jail that's okay we bailed him out i told him we would get him out motherfucker we had four

car washes right milkman and we finally raised that thousand dollars exactly and if it wasn't

for us buying weed we would have popped up a whole crate of cigarettes oh yeah oh yeah and then we

went to went to miami yeah that's what i'm saying all right guys we're gonna take a freaking ass

break um hang on let me let me think real quick what i'm gonna play there we go okay everybody

Like I said, we're going to take a break real quick.

It is now 12.32 a.m.

So do not go anywhere.

We'll be right back after this.

Yes, we will.

Fear not.

A piece of shit up there, I never liked him.

I never trusted him.

For all I know, he had me set up and had my friend Angel Fernandez killed.

But that's it.

I hear.

House Radio will be back right after this.

Smoke some weed.

Ja-hoo-ja.

I'm the best there is.

This is me.

Well, hey, mate.

giving you the word of love they must have some crazy dogs as i i don't want your crazy dog

uh get get it get on down or do you like the little young black man i won't be sad you're

gonna cry i won't cry you're gonna cry

Revolutuk show.blogspot.com

Crank call, podcast, internet for you, for your family, for your future children.

It's all right here.

Toll free at 1-888-278-8509.

You know what, I hope that when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trap door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open a trapdoor at the bottom, you GPS, and you go straight down.

Ad House Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman, ever, ever, make you who you are.

Carlito, where's Carlito?

In this room right here.

Where's Carlito? Where's Carlito? I'm Jen, where's Carlito?

What's wrong with the mic?

It's just getting far with this music.

I don't like that music.

Yeah, man.

What's wrong with it?

Are you a classical fan?

I do not believe it.

I want to thank you for playing that 8-track, man.

Good.

That was one of my favorite 8-tracks, Carlito.

You had an 8-track player?

I did, too, man.

I had this 8-track of this guy called...

That's the same one I had, man.

I can't believe you got the same tape.

No, not the same.

Yeah, I had the 8-track hooked up to the...

Yeah, no.

No, I don't have 8-tracks.

It's for the computer.

My dad used to have an 8-track.

I had, like, three 8-tracks of that.

Yeah?

That's crazy.

I can't believe it.

I was a bod of smoke to that.

So what was the deal with 8-tracks?

You couldn't rewind them at all, man.

That sucked.

You had four different tracks.

And each one had about three or four songs on it.

Yeah, but I'm saying you can never repeat a song, though, right?

I don't think you could, could you?

Yeah, I'm sure you could.

Oh, you could?

Oh, okay.

Well, I'm playing it in the queue.

Oh, each tape had four songs on it, right?

and you'd hit it and it'd go

and it'd go to the one

each section had like 4 songs

yeah I remember that

oh my god 8 tracks man

it actually sounded a hell of a lot better

a lot of people don't realize that the value was better

that's why they still use them in radio stations

today because you're using a quarter inch

tape instead of an 8 inch tape

yeah they use carts at the radio stations

except for you know Sirius

Sirius is all digital though

like you hear the Stern show one of the biggest things

that Howard talked about

out was that he never had to touch a cart again and he you know it was like really hard for him

to get used to it it took him a few months to get used to not handling the carts anymore but he got

down he got he got it down it's all upline it's all files that they share you know what i mean

on servers think about it you know kind of the same thing yeah man you know but uh you're doing

it for yourself we are boring everybody talking about horse shit i'm sorry you know boring well

Well, we did just take a flush earlier.

We did.

So, I've gone to the other house.

Damn.

Back with my buddy.

Hey, we got breaking news from the Satellite Center.

Breaking news from Lonesome Loser.

All right.

We have a 7-Eleven in Japan.

We also have a hotel in Japan.

And we have a Costco.

There's a Costco wholesale in Japan?

Wow, man.

That's awesome.

Look at that, man.

We got three numbers in Japan to call.

Well, guys, I am so excited.

You have no idea.

What time is it in Japan, fellas?

What time is it in Japan?

1 p.m.?

3 p.m.?

2.42 p.m.

That's pretty fast.

Good work.

What's your name?

Shit, Jin.

Yeah, the wonders of Google, man.

Yeah, man.

You get a gold star.

You get three gold stars.

Two more.

Congratulations.

Alright, yeah, enjoy that

Alright, I'm going to stop coughing now

And I'm going to call

I'm going to call the 7-Eleven in Japan

Son of a bitch, huh?

Here we go, in just a moment

We're going to play something here

I don't know what to do

What if they have those green hot dogs

Or do they have sushi there?

I don't know

I heard the pussy goes sideways

I'm going to ask if the pussy goes sideways

Hang on, folks, we'll be right back with Japan

Japan, live in the mouth

Actually, we already got two versions, man.

Hello?

Yes, hi, good evening.

Good afternoon, does someone speak English there?

No, we don't have any English speakers.

Do we have any Japanese speakers?

Yes, no.

I just want to know if it goes sideways on you down there.

Sorry, we don't have any English speakers.

Okay, are you reading that off of something, honey?

Honey, I don't understand you very well, honey,

but I'm just wondering if your vagina goes sideways because we have a bet, you know?

Sorry, please call again in Japanese.

Japan?

Pardon?

This is Japan?

Yes.

7-Eleven?

Yes.

Beer?

Yes, this is 7-Eleven, Japan Corporation.

Do you have beer?

do you uh damn it uh sake yes sucky sucky love me a long time yeah that one lady you getting

turned on you don't understand baby come on oh please i can't understand oh you know you like

hey listen listen listen listen baby

La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la

You like that, huh?

You know what that means

Hi

Yes?

You're into me, aren't you?

I mean, I'm feeling this between me and you, baby

You wanna marry me?

Come on, baby

You wanna

Well, you and me, let's get married

And I'll get you your citizenship

And then, you know, we'll pop a few rice burgers out

Thank you for your call.

Bye.

All right, thank you.

What a nice lady.

That was a killer.

That was good.

That was fucking brilliant.

Dude, I really think I turned around with the whole la-la-la thing.

Did you hear her?

She was like, ah.

She said, ah.

As soon as she said, sucky, sucky, she was like, sucky, sucky.

No, she knows what it meant.

I think I turned her on.

Did you hear her?

I'm serious.

Did you hear the way she got?

Yeah, I was listening.

Oh, yeah, I heard.

She got wet down there, everybody.

You know?

You know what it is?

You know how American women get turned on by this guy, Jen, and his accent?

you know from britain it's just like that they're in there they're into the american accent they

hear oh my god he's got an american accent he must be hot he's tom cruise here's that lady

probably thinks he's american man like tom cruise and that's what i look like milkman

that's a big letdown for the ladies over there in japan i should go to japan it'd be fun he's not

that bad come on did you hear how well she was saying that though she was like she had that down

like perfect that part that i said oh the part that she was saying what was she saying again

she's like thank you thank you no no she said um we do not have any english speakers do you have

any japanese speakers and i was like wow i guess she said it like in perfect english it was really

creepy like like she had trained just that to say it was kind of creepy that's a cool place

I told you, they live in English, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're going to have to call Japan next.

Hang on, we got two other numbers here in Japan.

Fall says Milkman is the opposite of Tom Cruise.

I'm sorry, Milkman.

Oh, fall is falling.

I love you.

You look great.

Awesome.

Okay, we're going to call the Costco Wholesale Japan.

Costco Wholesale in Japan.

We need Japanese music, like I'm turning Japanese and stuff like that.

You know what I mean?

So what do we play here?

Hang on.

All right.

Excuse me.

We'll be right back after this.

I know you wasn't referring to me, Paul.

I broke my heart.

Don't start prank calling me now.

Word up.

Cash rules everything around me.

Queen get the money.

Dollar dollar bills, y'all.

Crime side.

The New York Times side.

Sayin' a lie was no job.

So then the Shaolin link.

Two energy this sun.

And that's the dream.

Panic smoke, man.

I got it under control.

Alright.

Good luck.

Alright, why isn't Japan ringing?

What happened?

Did they get hit by a tsunami?

I don't know.

Frickin' hold up.

Hello?

Mushu Mushu?

Hey.

Mushu Mushu?

Hey, what's the big deal with the phone taking so long to ring over there, huh?

No.

Huh?

No.

No what?

Hey, bring me some towels, please.

Nothing.

Ma'am?

Nothing.

Are you connecting?

No.

What are you doing?

Ma'am, come on.

Jesus.

She just hangs up.

How rude of her, huh?

Milkman, what's your take on that?

Milkman chuckles.

AT&T security, we have control of your line.

AT&T?

Oh, shit, I forgot about that last week.

That was awesome.

This is AT&T security.

Come to your door now.

Now, we are waiting with the bracelets.

I'm waiting for the...

You got to call back AT&T security and then patch over to the Japan hotel there.

That was a funny moment last week when AT&T security...

That was Sunday, yeah.

I didn't even think about editing that.

I've been so busy.

Oh, my God.

I got to edit that this weekend.

Holy shit.

Yeah, we got two episodes for the podcast.

And then we start playing that clip to the victims.

Jen, tell Carlito about Tuck's...

tuck we we plugged your your damn podcast we already mentioned that oh yeah dude look at

talk man i mean hey you know i was on the i was on the i was on the show and it was pretty good

i actually let him down because you know my mic was fucked oh man well tuck over here man he's

like i'm so sorry tuck tuck you got your free plugs but hey come on man don't don't be uh

you know jeez he's like fuck that shit man what's going on man tell him about my podcast

Talks a wannabe artist.

Tell me about my talk cast, man.

This is awesome, man.

I'll prank Cold Cheese Boy with Jonathan.

I drew that good when I was in 10th grade.

That sucks.

can't believe it. What the hell's going on?

That's crazy. I got a great song, man. I wish you'd play it for me. Did I get it yet? Is it

it completed of course all right fine hang on just a moment i will play that check your check

your messages we got an indian number in your box there india huh call up and do your indian accent

yeah oh yeah okay fine do we have a oh look at this is a great call man is this dedication

yeah this one goes out to all you chicago fans dedication to all of you colts fans this

gonna call the hard rock cafe in tokyo let it play through man hard rock cafe in tokyo one moment

mcquinn i'm sorry i was kind of wrong with you that song didn't suck it was actually kind of

good kind of a good song excuse me hello sir hello mushy mushy mushy mushy hello sir sir hello

mushy mushy hey sir do you speak english over there man do you have an english american over

over there, speaking American. Come on, man. Hey, buddy, where can I get some two-by-fours,

huh? Where can I make some two-by-fours? I'm trying to make a crucifix. You know what

I mean? Two-by-four? Sir? Can you get someone who speaks English, please? Sir, I want to

let you know, number one, I'm an American citizen, and I have American dollars. And

technically, you are my subject, because we beat you in war. So please get me an American

speaking person ASAP. Hello. Mushy, mushy. Okay, I'm on hold. Here we go. You got a

You got to throw around that we kicked your ass in World War II thing sometimes, man.

I don't like to do that, but I have to.

I love the meaty hold button.

It's like a wind-up Casio organ, you know?

This is crazy.

You know, I'm not surprised they got so many suicides in Japan.

Yeah, I know. This kind of music, huh?

Dude, you know you're on eternal hold.

Hello?

Hey, how are you?

English speaker, sir?

It needs to be just a little bit.

Just a little bit?

Yeah.

Wiggle it just a little bit?

Okay, I need two by fours, please.

You have two by fours.

What?

I need wood.

Two by four piece of wood.

Sir.

What?

Sir.

Two by four piece of wood?

Come on, man.

I'm trying to make a crucifix.

Do you know what a crucifix is?

No.

Hataharu Morimoto.

Morimoto.

Sir?

I don't know.

May I speak to Morimoto, please?

No, no, no.

No, Morimoto here.

Yes, Morimoto.

Iron Chef Morimoto.

Hey, man, you know Tom...

No, no, Morimoto here.

Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise, man.

I'm Tom Cruise.

I don't know.

You know who Tom Cruise is, man?

Come on, you know who Tom Cruise is, man?

You know War of the Worlds, man?

No, sorry.

Do you know Top of Gun?

I know about that.

My name is George Takei.

Oh, come on, man.

You don't know Top of Gun?

Yeah.

You know Top Gun, man?

You know who...

You know Tom Cruise was Maverick,

and Top Gun, right?

I know.

Okay.

Do you like that movie, man?

Sorry.

I'm busy.

Sorry.

No, no, no.

Konichiwa.

Listen, do you like Tom Cruise and Top Gun?

No, thank you.

Huh?

That's it.

I need to get into a really good conversation.

He said Wakari is my son.

He don't understand you.

Oh, he did, really?

Damn it.

What else was he saying?

Was he saying anything else of importance,

or was he just saying, I don't get it?

He was trying to talk English, I suppose.

No, he was trying to tell you in English, but he didn't know what to say.

Well, they got to get their shit straight over there in Japan.

He did ask if you enjoyed the MIDI hold button.

He did, really?

Yeah.

Did he really?

Hello, thank you for holding.

Did you enjoy your hold?

Please rate your hold time between 1 and 5.

1 being the lowest, 5 being the highest.

You got to take a clip out of that MIDI hold button, you know.

Yeah, man.

You start using soundbar calls, you know.

I need to get the AT&T thing, man.

I need to get the AT&T thing, my friend.

That's what I got to do.

So, Jen, how about that, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

That was pretty funny.

Yeah, man.

I think it's almost time.

We're going to do one more call.

Well, Nios has sent in a bunch of numbers to Japan.

Call the Indian number and do your Indian action.

India?

Okay, now what's the rate for India?

Yeah, I want to hear your Indian action.

I don't think it's good, but I'll try.

Aikawa.

It may finish the card.

Hey, look at this, man.

There's an American Dream

Semboku 10 in Japan.

Wow.

Stop that, man.

You used to blame Clone for that.

Now we know who it was, don't we?

Cool.

Huh?

What?

Clone is infiltrated on...

No, no, no.

Now we know who it is

that made the stupid noises every week.

That was a recording, man.

Yeah, right.

I thought I'd just play it

just like the bro thing, you know?

Tamaguchi Kitten Ja Nail.

Anata no Manco...

who was Arnold

back in happy days

Neboken

Neyo

Neboken

Neyo

that's what I'm gonna say

Neo why don't you call in

Neo's just

very good Japanese

no she doesn't

she's with PCR

she's friends with

Dr. Lego

I don't wanna talk to her

she's dirty

she's friends with

Dr. Lego

and I don't wanna

associate with her

no

no no no

She will.

She'll call.

She knows the number.

278-8509.

Right.

Call in and give some of your...

All right.

Quiet.

...on these people.

Quiet.

Yeah, call in now.

I'm going to hit this Japanese.

Yeah, you do that.

We dedicate a couple of calls.

Lazy Bastard 6-0-1.

What's he saying?

Get your Indian accent ready.

It's the one you always used to use.

This one.

When you did the bing, bing, bing, bing.

Then?

Oh, man, I don't remember.

I don't remember how to do it.

Why, I left my insulin on top of the machine.

Jesus, man.

You know the machine that goes bing, bing, bing, bing, bing?

It's not, it's not working. Look, man.

Look, here I am sitting right now waiting for India to ring.

That's it. We're done. We're outta here.

I don't know if...

Do you have the bing, bing, bing call?

I don't... Man, I really want to talk to that Japanese girl we talked to first, man.

She sounded hot, you know?

I did try the darn Indian numbers.

Can I call her back?

Call them the American numbers because...

You're not gonna get anybody, luckily...

Hold on.

That reminds me of Japan, that's the only thing

This is heavy, what is this?

Oh, one more, New York Grill

This is one of the great songs, man, of the madhouse

This is pretty

Oh yeah, we've got quite a few classics

This is some Punjabi rap

I don't know the name of the guy

You gotta send me this, this is great

You got it, man

Hey baby, what's going on? Mushimushi

Hi, how are you?

Yes, how are you?

Do you speak English?

Yes, how are you?

Do you speak English?

Yes.

Super, wow.

Yes, I do.

That's beautiful, man.

Can we help you, sir?

It's so nice to speak to an English-speaking person on this island, you know.

I'm all by myself, you know.

No one wants to give me a reservation because they don't understand me, man.

You know?

Yes.

Okay.

I understand you.

Yeah, so from where are you from, kid?

Where are you from, man?

You know?

I'm sorry?

Yeah, I want to book a reservation.

Okay.

I want to come in and eat some...

When would you like to...

Oh, I'm sorry?

Yes, does your vagina go sideways or not, please?

You'd like to make your reservation, huh?

Yes, but I want to know...

When would you like to make...

Does it go sideways down there?

Hello?

Do you go sideways down there, madam?

How much for a geisha?

Adam?

Are you sideways down there?

Is it sideways?

Does it go slanty sideways instead of up and down?

That's all I wanted to know, you know?

Can you advise me, please?

Hello?

Jesus, ma'am, do you understand me?

Yes, you would like to make your reservation, is that correct?

Okay, what I'm trying to ask is if you would like to engage in sexual fornication.

That's all I'm asking right now.

I want to see if you are willing to say the phrase that pays.

Come on.

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

10 p.m.

10 p.m.?

What time is open?

Until what time are you?

We open until 10.30.

Can I come in at 9.30?

9.30?

Yes.

For tonight?

Yes.

How many people, sir?

Just myself and my son is coming.

It is his 21st birthday.

For yourself?

Me and my son, two people.

Two people?

Yes.

May I ask the age of your son, please?

Yeah, sure.

He's 21.

it's his birthday birthday today his birthday is today you know he's 21 21

21 yes today today he's 21 happy birthday

happy birthday yeah and you and your son is 21 years old yeah and you'd like to

book at restaurant, is that correct?

Ano suto ripa

wa ore no meno

mamae de

suitichi o irete

yagata.

You'd like to make a reservation at the restaurant,

is that correct?

Did you understand me,

ma'am? I'm trying

to understand you. Okay.

So, we have

restaurant in the bar. Yeah.

And we only take a reservation for

Okay, I want to make a reservation for my son and me at 9.30.

And what we're looking for is for a young woman who will urinate on his chest.

Let me check our schedule.

One moment, please.

Okay.

Who are we going to talk to now, Milkman?

Oh, no.

AT&T security.

What are we going to do?

Transfer you?

It's our son Clay's birthday.

MS3.

Clay.

Cray?

Cray's birthday.

thank you for waiting sir hey hello yes I'm sorry we have a table uh-huh

every table what do you have okay good hello go ahead please Valente would you

Can you spell your name, please?

V-A-G-I-N-A.

G-I-N-A.

Can you say that back?

I'm sorry?

Say it back, please.

G-I-N-A. Is that your last name?

No, my last name is V-A-G-I-N-A.

V-A?

Yes.

Your V-I-G-I-N-A is your last name?

V-A-V-A. Say it back. Say it from the beginning, please.

A.

No, no, V.

V.

Victory, V.

Victory, yes, victory, yes.

S, E, A, V.

V, A, G, I.

Oh, I'm sorry, I, I.

Oh, my God.

My telephone is a little bit far.

My telephone's in my ass.

I don't know why you don't understand me.

Okay, you ready for the last name?

Can you tell me your first, yes, first.

Oh, you ready?

Uh, I, hello?

Yes.

Okay, so far I got D-A-G-I-N-A. Is this your last name or first name?

That's the last name, okay? It was close enough. Last name.

Okay, and may I ask your first name, too?

Of course. It's P-U-S-S-Y.

P-U-S-S-Y.

This is your P-U-S-S-Y.

P-U-S-S-Y.

That's right.

Thank you very much. May I ask your phone number, please?

Um, do you have my name? What is my first name, please?

Okay, uh, your first name is U-S-S-Y.

That's right. And last name?

And the last name is D-A-G-I-N-A.

Thank you very much. Okay, and 9.30 p.m.?

Yes, for tonight.

For tonight. Okay. All right, honey.

For, is that the...

Sure, whatever, man. Whatever you say, bro.

You, you...

All right. Yeah, what is it?

Can I ask your phone number, please?

No. I don't know. I don't know what it is, man.

Are you saying...

I don't have no phone here in Japan yeah I'm in Japan okay core yeah but I

don't have no phone we talked about my phone I got no phone my hotel was I made

your uh-huh go ahead baby hello yes baby go ahead oh can I ask you the name of

Shinjuku Sun Park

Yep

Thank you very much

Alright baby

Hello

Yes

I made your reservation

At 9.30

I made your reservation

At 9.30 for tonight

for two people, two adults.

Is that correct?

Would you like to make your reservation?

Yes.

For two adults.

Is that okay?

Yes.

Okay, then I made your reservation.

All right, whatever.

Look, you're boring the shit out of me.

I'm going to hang up on you now, okay?

That's it.

It's over.

All right.

Have a good day.

Thank you.

Hello?

Yes.

Hello?

Yes.

Okay.

Okay, and my name again, please.

Okay, your last name is D-A-G-I-N-E.

Your last name is T-U-S-S-Y.

Okay, I just wanted to make sure you had that right.

Okay?

Okay.

And that's it.

Thank you very much.

Bye-bye now.

All right, see you.

Bye-bye.

Mushy, mushy.

You didn't want to hang up the phone.

You're wasting my minutes, Milkman.

You saw that?

Smart bitch.

Yeah, I know.

I should have had her say Madhouse.

I know.

It was too late.

It was dragging on.

It was too late.

it was too long

it was too much

you know

yeah

alright

go on

yeah

Neo

give me a

give me a translation

of what I was telling

the young lady please

if you don't mind

thank you

um

I think that's it

everybody

I'm out of gas

I would like to thank

Storm Shadow

aka Lonesome Loser

for all this shit tonight

get some Domino's pizza

no man

no none of that kind of gas

I'd like to thank

Jen for being on tonight

thanks

thanks Jen

or you can have

a coin

stop back by

He's got a lot of gas.

Clone, yeah.

Whatever.

I feel bad that the show wasn't 100% tonight.

Next, exactly.

Next week, we'll be back to 100%, everybody.

I promise you, Will's going to be here.

Hell, yeah, man.

Will, huh?

That's what I'm talking about.

Will's going to be here.

Will.

Who's Will?

Will.

Who is Will?

Well, you'll find out.

What about Will?

Milkman, I heard you don't like Will very much.

Is that true?

I like Will.

Will.

Whatever.

Milkman thanks for being on man

It was great

Alright we're gonna leave

You're welcome big man

You are the man

Our fearless leader

Mobilizing the militia in DEFCON 1

Yeah we're still in DEFCON 1

So guys out there you know who you are

If we need to defend the nation

We are ready to do so

So you have been forewarned

You have our secret war weapon

Birthday weapon MS3 clay right here

that's right man

fellow diabetic

alright

so that's it

I want to thank

KDK

I want to thank

that's it

Ted

that's right

German

manufacturing

yeah

German

German engineering

and it's

at it's finest

holy shit

that

that lady

I was asking

her if her pussy

was wet

And then I said, don't disrespect me, you fuck.

Are you serious, man?

I really said that?

And by the way, what is the Jen Stewart show, man?

Oh, man.

I don't want to miss that.

This guy is hilarious.

I forgot.

I forgot the Jen Stewart show, man.

Yeah, sorry.

It'll be on Sunday afternoon, 1 p.m.

So 6 p.m. GMT, 1 p.m. Eastern time.

My bad.

I'm sorry, Jen.

Jen Stewart, I'm sorry.

1 p.m. Eastern on Sunday.

You know what, I'm going to talk

I'm calling

I'm calling real quick

I'm calling back that Japanese lady

The first one I talked to

I'm going to ask her that again

Because I really think

I really think she was into me, dude

I really think

I could get a chance with that

Ask her if she's a geisha

I will

And you have to get her to say madhouse, man

Madhouse

No, get it to do sucky sucky

She had to suck his sucky

She got so into it, dude

Hang on

4

40

7

Minutes

Hello, 7-Eleven?

What's up?

Ma'am, are you there?

Mushi Mushi?

What's up?

Hey, what's up?

How you doing, baby?

What's up?

7-Eleven, Japan

Mushi Mushi

Hello

Mushi

7-Eleven, Japan

What the hell are you saying?

Hey, slow it down

Come on, now

Take it easy with me, alright?

I'm a gentleman

You understand?

Mushi

No

Yes. I have one question. Please, listen. Please, listen.

Do you have a Japanese speaker?

Yes. He says,

Sorry.

Sorry. Pardon?

Pardon?

You have a wrong number. Goodbye.

I just said that stripper was...

I said that stripper...

That is lame, man.

I was saying that stripper was fingering her clit right in front of my face.

That's exactly what that meant.

Isn't that sick?

She's going to grude it a little.

She's gone.

I thought she was into me.

That was some other girl.

I want to talk to the first girl.

The first girl, she was into me, dude.

Dude, I'm telling you, I totally could have hit that.

If I was in Japan right now, and if I was 80 pounds lighter, I could have hit that, man.

Oh, no.

Japan.

Japan, please.

Oh, they're confirming your reservation.

Oh, excellent.

AT&T security.

Tuck, we're ending the show, man.

Sorry.

No, I'm kidding.

What's up, Tuck?

How you doing, bro?

Is your pussy wet?

Happy meat.

That's exactly what you said.

That is your pussy, what happy meat.

Hey, man.

Podcast, huh?

Podcast?

Revolutuxshow.podcast.

No.

No, no, no, no.

Blogspot.

No, no, no, no.

I fucked it up.

Blogspot.

Wow.

Revolutuxshow.blogspot.com.

Dot com.

All right.

Revolution.

Hey, man.

Revolution.

Do you have that on iTunes yet?

Do I have what?

Have you put it up on iTunes yet?

Have you submitted it to iTunes?

Yes, you can subscribe through iTunes.

I have a feed burner setting on there.

You can use it, and you can subscribe.

You can put it on your iTunes or whatever you want.

I recommend you go to dig.com also.

They have a podcast service now, too.

It's very popular.

Dig.com.

I'll look into that.

Yes, sir.

D-I-G-G.com.

All right, man.

All right.

Thanks for calling in, bro.

Sorry to cut you short, but that's the way.

No, man.

That's all I wanted to do.

Just call and say, hey, haven't talked to you in a while.

and get a word out there.

The brand new show is up right now.

Jim Stewart called in.

We tried to do some calls yesterday.

It was a lot of fun, and I hope to continue doing it.

Y'all go over there.

When there's no show on, you go over there, you listen to it,

you give us support, you give the comments,

you let me know what you like, what you don't like,

and we'll do some more.

That's how it works, man.

That's all you can ask for.

Take care of yourself, Tuck.

Okay.

Y'all have happiness and love to y'all.

All right.

Okay, then.

All right.

Clone misses you, Tuck.

Oh, he does.

Clone misses you, Tuck.

You should play my call again.

That was fucking brilliant.

I'm going to call him again.

I'm going to do it again.

Play the call and play my song, too.

All right.

We're going to play those both.

I've got to play the outro first.

I'm leaving.

That's it.

I've got to go to sleep.

I've got shit to do tomorrow.

Thank you, Jim.

Thank you, Milkman.

Thank you, everybody else.

Thank you for listening.

The sun's come up over here.

You know that?

Oh, Jesus.

How depressing.

All right, man.

Take care of yourself.

Good night.

Get some sleep, Jen.

Later, milkman.

How's it coming on, big man?

You don't talk to me like that, bitch.

I don't even know who the fuck you are.

Why don't you put your man on the phone, I said.

What are you crying for?

Did someone die?

Ma'am?

Yes?

I have gas.

Listen.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (10, 44 min of 1 h 28 min)

Transcript

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