2007-03-02 Show

And who plays?

What happens in America?

Well, we steamed your ass in World War II.

What do you have to do?

We never did.

And who helped you out just now?

You piss off, woman.

Don't talk to me like that.

We don't need you anyway, bitch.

God, fuck you.

Call me a stinky, stinky fucker.

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Hey, man.

All right, everybody.

Coming at you, 98.6 degrees.

What's up, everybody?

Good evening.

Madhouse Radio is on the air.

Late as usual.

11.22 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

That is 8.22 p.m. in California and the rest of the left coast.

We are here tonight to bring you entertainment,

hopefully make you laugh or make you very angry.

Whatever it is, we are here to do it.

We are being broadcast to you on the Madhouse Radio Network,

prankcallradio.com, prankcallradio.com,

also pcuradio.com.

That's prankcallundergroundradio, pcuradio.com.

We're also on none other than 98.6 The Mail.

98.6 The Mail.

And here we are.

I thank everybody who is listening tonight.

We have a lot of people listening tonight.

I'm very excited about that.

No doubt, no doubt, no doubt about that.

Of course, here via satellite link-up, we have the Milkman.

Milkman, what's up, man?

How you doing?

I'm ready to rock that house.

Great.

Awesome.

We've got a great episode in store for you.

We sure do.

And, of course, from the U.K. by way of Germany, none other than Jin.

Jin Stewart, how are you doing, man?

How are you doing, everyone?

How are you doing, man?

Welcome back.

I'm all right, man.

Thank you.

And, of course, none other than the Warrior supplying us with our satellite feed today via TeamSpeak.

Warrior, say what's up real quick.

Hey, what's up, guys?

All right, good.

We've got a full house tonight.

Will will be here shortly.

He is on his way.

He will be here in studio, Madhouse Studios, Central Florida.

Yeah.

Hey, man, the country really, you know, the United States really got fucked up today with some storms, man.

You heard about this shit all over the country, man.

Just the Midwest, the South, everyone got hit.

Tornadoes and wind and rain and shit.

Yeah, really bad day for weather, man.

It was craziness.

God, you know, God is angry at the United States.

God is angry.

And there it is.

Well, we're here to do a show.

We do prank calls mostly here.

If you want to get a hold of us real quick, let me give that shit out.

uh if you're on aol instant messenger madhouse radio on aol instant messenger all of you

users out there please get a hold of me by messaging madhouse radio if you are using

yahoo messenger madhouse radio online again yahoo messenger users madhouse radio online

and finally msn messenger uh all of you out there uh madhouse live at hotmail.com again that's

madhouse live at hotmail.com

if you missed that

you can write down our toll free number

this is a toll free number it's free for you to call

anywhere in the United States

of America and that

line is 1-888

thank you for cutting me off

1-888-278-8509

again the toll free line here

is 1-888-278-8509

1-888-278-8509

that's a toll free call right

What is it you say, Milkman?

It's on our dime if you have the time.

How's it go?

What's your little thing?

That's right.

If you got the time, we got the dime.

That's right.

Give us a call, man.

America's most interactive prank call radio comedy show.

That's right.

Best show on internet radio.

The best show that no one is listening to is Madhouse Radio.

You're in for the most interactive.

Whatever.

Fuck interaction, dude.

I'm just lazy.

easy. I'd rather have people call in and talk shit

and do pranks for me. Takes the heat off

of me, man. That's what I say.

But yeah, man.

So, Jen, how did your experience go with your

first show on Sunday? How did it go?

It went alright. Not as good as I hoped it would be.

The beginning was a bit drastic, but I got

into it and it was alright. I think next Sunday, you know,

I'll get straight in and it'll go a bit better.

Okay. Good, good. It was a good first

effort. I only heard part of it. I had company over,

but... Yeah, it was alright. I enjoyed it.

Yeah. But not that bad, man.

Not that bad.

I don't know.

What else?

Let's just get into prank calls then, I assume.

I mean, can we just do that shit?

Is that okay?

We got a ton of numbers here from Storm Shadow, a.k.a. Lonesome Movie.

Let's roll them out.

Let's do that.

We got a number here for Juicy Lucy Steakhouse.

That is in Colorado.

Juicy Lucy Steakhouse.

We also have Quick Stop.

I don't know if you've seen any of the Kevin Smith movies, guys.

Anybody familiar here with that?

Milkman, Kevin Smith.

Know who he is?

Who's that?

All right, good.

If you're a fan of Clerks or Clerks 2 or Mallrats or any of those other ones that he made,

you would know what that is, the quick stop.

Apparently, this is the actual quick stop in Leonardo, New Jersey where, I don't know, whatever.

If you don't get it, I'm not going to bother explaining it to you right now, okay?

Go Wikipedia Kevin Smith and you'll see what I'm talking about.

We also have the Lickin' Terry Inn Motel.

on we also have the fucking scooter tramps here uh we got a lot of stuff you know it would be nice

it would be nice to um yeah that's what i said it it would be nice to have some uh japanese numbers

man but didn't we call last uh last week we called 7-eleven in japan yeah there it is

first assault on the land of the rising sun yeah it didn't go bad at all i think that lady got

Got turned on by me.

By me.

Hey, Jin, turn off your mic boost.

It's coming in really strong, man.

I just realized that.

I would like to apologize for not pointing that out earlier to the audience.

And Jin, especially.

Will still not here.

Okay.

I need to find these.

Free Willy.

Yeah.

Lonesome Loser, Storm Shadow, if you can kindly send me back those numbers from Japan from the last week that I cannot find right now.

because I would like to follow up with some of those calls.

Milkman, I'd also like to try to call Charlie Patton tonight.

If you can please make that happen, that would be awesome.

All right, man.

We'll get you his number.

Hopefully he's answering.

All right.

Hopefully he is.

I haven't heard much from him since he got married, supposedly.

All right.

Well, we've got to definitely deal with that.

Okay, folks, I'm going to take a hit here off the pipe.

If not, let's call Debra Mansfield.

I'll send them both.

Well, I've been waiting for Will to show up here,

but I'm going to take a hit off the old pipe right now.

If you are at home drinking, whatever it may be, alcoholic or non-alcoholic,

your virgin pina colada like Jonathan over there, your glass of milk.

Now would be the time to take a hit or snort or whatever it is that you're doing.

Well, I just polished off the last of that wonderful Newcastle's ale, boy.

Whatever.

I wasn't paying attention.

There you go.

Thank you, man.

Okay, we are ready to go, everybody.

Prepare yourselves.

The first prank call of the night will be to the Juicy Lucy Steakhouse.

We're coming back right after this.

with the first motherfucking prank call of the motherfucking day.

Hold on to your shorts, kiddies.

Yeah.

Here we go.

Whatever you say, man.

Thank you, Milkman.

Thanks for calling Juicy Lucy Steakhouse.

This is Jamie.

How may I help you?

Hey, baby, what's going on?

Hey, you like that.

Good.

Are you guys still seating?

What time is it?

We are not.

Oh, what about...

What about...

You throw some takeout on that, then.

No, kitchen's closed.

Anything you can do for me.

Come on, sugar.

I'm sorry.

I mean, I've got a...

I've got a hankering for me.

I need to have that hot, juicy meat in my mouth.

You know, right?

Tomorrow at 11.

No, no, no, not tomorrow.

Come on, let's make this happen.

People do this business stuff all the time.

My friend Pete, he's a great businessman.

Well, I'll let you talk to Clemente.

He's our head chef.

Clemente, put him on.

He might turn the grills back on for you, but I doubt it.

All right, let me talk.

Is he big?

Is he a big guy?

Yeah, he's huge.

How big, 300?

Yeah, something like that.

Oh, let's put him on then.

No.

What do you mean no?

Not tonight.

I can't talk to him?

No.

Let me talk to Clemente, man.

He's busy.

No, he's not.

Yeah, he really is.

No, I'm Clemente's dad.

I've got to talk to him.

Well, I'm going to tell him you called him a fat man.

Okay.

I'm okay with that.

You're okay with that?

Yeah.

You're okay with calling a man fat on the phone behind his back?

Like you laugh, like, ha ha, he's fat, he's disgusting.

No, I didn't ever say that.

I just said he was a big guy.

Yes, you did.

You're the one that said he was fat, and I didn't say it was you telling him.

Ma'am, you said he was fat and that he smelled bad and he was a big guy.

You see, you're laughing because you think it's funny.

You probably grew up with a wooden spoon in your mouth, you know.

You were probably skinny.

I bet you you weigh about 130 pounds, right?

What are you, size 8? Size 6?

I don't know. I don't even know.

But I do know that I've got to go.

I wish you the best of luck in finding a meal this evening.

Anywhere you know that I can go get a decent steak at this time of night.

The brew pub is probably still open.

The Bayou has a good steak.

They're a Cajun restaurant, but they do a good steak.

Right.

Hey, can I take you out?

No, my boyfriend wouldn't like it.

Well, he doesn't need to know.

Come on.

Yeah, he knows everything.

How fat is he?

He's not fat.

He's not?

No.

You're positive.

Thank you.

I got to go, though.

He's got to have a little something on him.

No.

You know what?

What?

I've got a size 42 waist.

All right.

Well, he's like a 32, 34.

So he can't kick my ass.

Would you like it if we got into a fight in front of you?

No.

Would it turn you on?

It wouldn't happen.

Would it turn you on if he came to save the day?

No.

No?

Seriously, come on, man.

Let me just get your phone number or something.

Okay, I gotta go.

Have a good night.

Would you pee in my face?

Damn it.

She won't pee in my face either, fucking woman.

I never get what I want.

I never get my way with the ladies, guys.

Okay.

Hang on, folks.

Clearing the line, clearing the line.

And this is where Milkman usually comes in and says,

Hey, man, that was great.

Well, he didn't say nothing this time.

Thanks, man.

Juicy, juicy.

I've got to turn on the toll-free line.

Is it time to take callers yet, Milkman?

What do you think?

It's up to you.

I guess we'll open the toll-free lines here.

Let's make another call.

Fuck that shit.

Let's make another call.

Hang on.

Let me get it ready at the very least.

I'll be turning on the toll-free line in just a moment, folks.

It is turned off right now, but it will not be so for long.

Just stand by there, kids, all right?

The next prank call I would like to report, thank you very much, to Mr. Lonesome Loser.

Lonesome Loser has sent in the phone numbers from last week.

from the, uh, 7-Eleven, well, no, no, he's just sent in some, I'm sorry, he sent in, uh, uh, two

new numbers in Japan, uh, oh, well, these are from last week, though, hang on, no, hang on now,

we got the Costco Wholesale Japan, the one I'm looking for is at 7-Eleven, there we go,

he just sent it now, excellent, very good, just coming off the, uh, press is, uh, 7-Eleven in

Japan, I'm gonna call that, we're gonna talk to Japan, uh, I still don't have any Japanese

Japanese-themed music, unfortunately, so we can't do that, but, uh, I don't know if I, I don't have

anything that comes close to that, so we'll just play this. We'll be right back after this.

Mushi Mushi? Mushi Mushi, how are you? Do you, hi, do you have English speakers? I can speak English.

Does anybody speak the English there? Baby, do you remember me from last week? You know, we, we

hit it off, kinda. I, I told you about, you know, Sucky Sucky, and you kind of, like, got real quiet,

it and you said hi you know do you remember that no because i haven't think i've been thinking about

you all week and i can't get to sleep at night just think about flying out to japan you know

taking a tgv train down to where you live over there where you work and just going down there

and you know maybe me and you a split a slurpee and get some black and milds and stuff you know

i mean are you into that no i don't know i mean i'm 40 i got a 42 inch waist i mean i know i mean

I mean, I know there's not a lot of big guys out there in Japan.

No, I'm sorry.

Come on, baby, please.

I can't stop thinking about you.

Kwa Tanzin Wan.

No.

Oh Kwa Tanzin Wan?

No.

What about Saki?

I'm sorry.

Saki Saki?

Come on, you Saki me, right?

Come on, remember last week, you know, you say you Saki me, remember?

Come on.

No?

Nothing, huh?

No.

Is that it?

I'm sorry.

Okay, well, I'm sorry too, you know.

All right, well, I'll let you go now.

No.

Mushi Mushi?

Mushi Mushi.

Hey, are you speaking?

No.

No, you don't? Okay, that's great.

Hey, look, last week I was talking to a girl there and she got kind of excited on the phone with me

and I kind of can't stop thinking about her.

Do you think you could possibly, you know, put me through to her?

No, who is her?

With her? Is this her?

Who is her?

I don't know. She was a sexy girl, sexy girl.

Our company have many sexy girls.

Oh, they got many sexy girls there?

Yeah.

Yeah, do they like American man?

I don't know. Maybe.

I look like Tom Cruise.

You like Tom Cruise?

A little.

A little? Yeah?

I look like him, but I have a 42-inch waist.

Is that okay?

Sorry. Do you have a Japanese speaker?

No, just this, you know, mushi-mushi and stuff.

That's all I know.

So, are you the one I talked to last week?

Was it you? Are you the sexy girl?

No, no, no. What is it, Papa?

No, I want, I called last week, and sexy girl like me, and I want, I want to meet sexy girl.

Okay, sorry.

No?

We have, no.

How many sexy girls you have in the back?

Maybe one million.

One million sexy girls?

Yeah.

How much?

Beyond of my description.

The, oh man, I don't know, I don't like big titties, you know.

They shave, you know shave?

shave we have sorry we are busy you have them what you have what we are busy so busy vd yeah

venereal disease so i want to say goodbye but it's okay i mean you know if i get the herpes

it might be worth it you know i don't mind it no you know i'll double wrap it hello

i guess they have herpes man you don't want to double wrapping oh well fuck you a bitch

Fucking Japan man

Isn't that something huh

That's her right there

I'm telling you

That girl

Me and her

We're gonna hook up

In Japan no less

She was hot man

Hey man

Did I tell you

I bought some farts

Did I tell you

I bought some fart sludge man

What

Fart sludge

Watch this

Listen listen listen

See

It's like this

It's like slime

In this plastic can

This plastic cup

And you stick your finger in it

And it makes fart noises

Not really

Hang on

Oh wow

Wow.

Watch this.

Here's a good one.

I'll get a good one here.

You got to get some air in it.

It's not working.

Yeah, see, it doesn't sound as good anymore.

Kind of sound like a pussy fart, too.

Kind of, yeah?

Yeah.

Hear that?

Very good.

Well, one more, one more.

That's a tight one there.

You got to get a fucking, you got to get a good one.

I don't know, it's not working.

It's not working.

Anyway, I bought some fart sludge, everybody.

The best $3.99 I've spent in 2007.

Great time.

If you are interested, you should go to FartSludge.com.

That's right, FartSludge.com.

The first caller of the night will win a free Fart Sludge.

So here it is.

Be sure to call in.

Can I call in?

I want to.

Nope, nope.

You're already on the show.

All right, so here we are.

We're going to continue on then.

That was Japan, everybody.

I said I was going to open the toll-free line.

Did I not?

So now it's time to do that.

Where's Will?

I'm 32 inches.

42.

How many centimeters is that?

107?

Yeah.

I think so.

107 centimeters.

According to Nunu.

I guess he'd know.

I guess that's bad, man.

Whatever, you know.

It is 107 centimeters.

Thank you, Jen.

Thanks.

Thanks for helping my self-esteem.

Yeah, man.

But your kilograms are a lot less, you know.

I'll take the trade-off for a lower number in kilograms.

There it is.

I'm really waiting for the toll-free line here to enable itself, everybody.

Again, that toll-free line is...

Husky side.

There we go.

Yeah, thanks.

That's me.

Big boned and husky.

Hang on.

Will's calling everybody.

Will.

Husky, man.

Yes, Will.

Nothing, man.

Where you at?

Hang on.

Someone's calling.

The door's open, man.

Just come in.

It's Josh in the studio now.

Hang on.

Milkman, be quiet, man.

All right.

What's up, Will?

Yeah, number 12.

Number 12.

All right, man.

Later.

All right.

Will's on his way in, finally.

Oh, give it up.

Hey, who's this?

Who's he think it is?

Oh, what's up?

The guy from Texas, man.

Yeah, what's going on?

What's up, Clone? What's good, man?

Not a lot, man. What's happening with you?

Nothing, man. Nothing. You're the first caller of the night, man.

Twice in a row, right?

What do I win?

You get the fart sludge, man.

You get the fart sludge.

Right there, man.

So what's been good, man? How was everything?

Not a lot.

Awesome, man. Did you do a show yesterday?

No, I was going to do one tonight, but I fell asleep.

You fell asleep?

Yeah, I fell asleep at like 6 o'clock.

What time do you normally go to sleep?

Do you go to sleep around 2 a.m.?

2 to 3.

2 to 3?

Get up around 10?

About 9 or 10 sometimes.

You do better than me because I usually, I'll go to sleep around 2.

I won't get up to like 10, 11 o'clock.

Yeah, I got a sleeping disorder, man.

I got a sleeping problem.

So let's make a call.

Let's do it.

All right, hang on.

Do you want to call Japan?

What do you got?

I got the New York Grill in Japan.

The New York Grill?

Yes, sir.

All right.

A woman answered 1141.

I don't know if they speak English.

Well, they got to.

It's in your grill.

It's in the Hyatt.

The Hyatt.

All right.

Super duper, everybody.

Hang on, folks.

The next call tonight is coming right now.

Dr. Green Thumb, have you ever had the problem of running out of weed and just can't find some anywhere?

Well, try my Dr. Green Thumb grow tips.

I'll show you how to grow inside and out from seed to clone and the best homegrown.

And if you're afraid of those pesky pork choppers in the sky, no worries, we'll fix them too.

With one of our Dr. Green Thumb sizzling screens to block the nosy pig's vision.

Don't believe me? Just ask one of my many satisfied clients here, Jed Sanders, how well it works.

Hello, my name is Jed and I'm a farmer and I've been growing marijuana for about 20 years.

And with Dr. Green Thumb's sizzling screen, I don't have to point my shotgun at them pesky porkers no more.

Thanks, Dr. Green. You're the shit.

Alex will allow you to talk for 4 hours, 1 minute, 20 seconds.

Try my book and you'll have the chronic in no time.

Dial 1-800-713-GROW.

All right.

1-800-713-GROW.

Thank you. Park Hyatt, Tokyo. New York, Greenland Bar.

Do you have an English speaker?

Yes.

You speak English?

Yeah.

Okay, this is the New York Grill, right?

Yes.

Is it the authentic New York Grill?

Pardon?

Do you have drag queens and punk rockers and everything?

Do you like to make a reservation?

Sure.

Okay, would you like to dine with us?

What time is it now?

Now is 2, almost 2, 1.50.

What time do you close?

2.30.

2.30?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, let me come in at 2.15.

2.15?

Yeah.

Okay, so, our last order is at 2.30. Is that okay?

That's okay.

You okay? 2.15. How many people are there in your party?

14.

14 people?

Yeah, we're all drag queens.

Sorry?

We're all drag queens.

Sorry? Drag?

Yeah, drag queens. It's a drag queen conference.

It's 14. 1, 4, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, I will check the table. I'm sorry, just a moment, please.

Okay.

How do?

I thought I unlocked the door.

Doing good so far, clone. Good work.

You know, New York, you're at...

You're at Queen's. That's because they have AIDS and queers.

Do you have AIDS on the menu?

AIDS on the menu. Oh, that's Africa, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Sorry.

He's calling the New York Times, Will.

Here's your phone.

What's up, Will?

You're listening on the wrong one.

There you go.

What's up, Will?

He's not listening yet. He's got the wrong headphones on.

I said what's up, Will.

I know. You said it once. That's all you get. Will's once.

Ha ha.

Could be.

God damn.

How long am I gonna be on hold?

I don't know.

That's rude.

That's all it is.

You know what?

It's always better well if we just do this one, right?

So you have to put two of them on.

This is taking too long, man.

We're gonna have to move on.

Moving along.

Hang on.

We'll keep running.

Yo, man.

Jesus Christ.

Get on with it.

Alright.

Hang on.

We got the...

We just talked to 7-Eleven.

We got the Hard Rock Cafe instead in Tokyo.

We can try that.

Will, you lived in Japan, right?

Okinawa, yeah.

Okinawa?

Okinawa.

Alright.

What the fuck?

All right, I'm like tangled in wires here, shit.

All right, Will, take the big headphones off because they're not plugged in anymore.

And just put on the other ones as normal.

All right, Will's working on getting that to work here.

And, right, okay, I'm disconnecting.

New York girl's out of here.

We're going to call the Bamboo House next.

The Bamboo House.

This is in Tokyo also.

It's confirmed by Lonesome Losers.

At least they're saying hello or something.

All right, hang on, folks.

Hello, the Bamboo House?

Yeah, I was wondering, can I bring my pet Panda over and eat the house down, or is that, like, gonna be a problem?

Pardon?

Yeah. Hello? Hi! Can you hear me? How are you?

Who are you?

How are you?

No, no, I'm asking, who are you? Who's talking?

This is Jonathan.

Jonathan?

Yeah. How are you?

Do you know me?

Do I know you?

Yep.

Who are you?

I'm Daisuke.

Who?

Working in the office.

You're working in the office?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

I was wondering, can I bring my pet panda over there?

Uh, you're wondering what?

I was wondering if I could bring my pet panda over there.

He likes bamboo.

Oh, I see.

This is the bamboo house, right?

Yeah, this is, yes.

Okay.

Well, is that going to be a problem?

Yeah, I think so.

Why?

So, what do you want?

Do you want a room or...

Yeah, I want a room.

I want to bring my pet panda over to help me eat the bamboo.

Oh, I see.

He likes bamboo, see?

I'm just going to tear the house down and feed it to him.

Oh, so you're just making a joke, are you?

No, this is no joke, sir.

I don't think you can bring your pet panda over.

Yeah, my pet panda.

Okay, sir, I'm going to hang up the phone, okay?

Why?

I can't help you, sir.

Why not?

Damn, he doesn't take no lip, that guy.

Enter your destination number now.

Hang on, call in that J.D. as getting that guy again.

Remember J.D. as?

All right, well, you will now.

I don't think this guy's going to answer anymore.

Funky Town Music.

Hang on, let me clear it.

There it is, man.

All right, Clone, thank you for being a part of the show as always.

No problem.

It's always very, very exciting.

We look forward to hearing you soon on the air on PCR Prank call Radio.

Everybody go to CloneHomeGrowing.net.

It's .usorg.

.usorg forward slash JPEG.

Cool.

All right, man.

Peace out.

All right.

I gotta get that

Pussy fart in the can

That's cool man

I left my mic

On the fucking

The fucking

Desk

On the desk

I'm high man

Hey

What's this

Is this from the same guy

Is this from the arm

Yes sir

The source

The arm

Yes

Excellent

That's good stuff man

You know what I'm saying

That mangle madness

That's what he does

No one knows what we're talking about.

Guys, if you're just listening right now, you're just tuning in, now's the time to take a hit or take a shot or a snort.

a wisp.

I had some yesterday.

Sorry.

Some yay?

I don't do that now.

I don't do that, man.

Jesus would not like me to do that.

All right, everybody,

take your hits now.

I had like a couple on.

Well, you take a hit.

I took a hit on the air radio.

You know,

it's rude of me.

I'm sorry.

Oh, yeah.

I was just trying to be polite

because I was a little late.

Right.

In the chat room,

some guy,

who was saying that

the satellite radio

is at 1441.

That's their bid rate?

I don't think it is, man.

I think they only broadcast

like at 65 on Sirius.

He was talking about the sample rate, the 14,004 or something.

Yeah, that sample rate.

Were they like at, what, 32, I think, bit rate right now?

I thought they were at 128.

No, I don't think so.

Or 34 or something like that.

I think they're like 32 or 64.

34, right around 30 does sound about right.

Now that they're merging XM and Sirius, the bit rate's going to probably get worse.

That means the price is going to go up.

no today the argument today on on the on on sirius on the stern show was that uh it's going to allow

them to lower the price i'm like man you tell me how one company being in charge of all satellite

radio is going to make the price go down on it you know yeah bullshit man that's what the cable

company said motherfuckers what happened right oh i just seen the commercial it went up 90 or was

it went up 97 percent over the last like three years what did and the uh cost of living hasn't

increased oh yeah well yeah i mean they don't uh they don't move the poverty line at all since

like the 60s but the cost of living has gone up so much since back then you hear the fart sludge

yeah man it's good stuff the flarp yeah that's the dollar store version it's flarp man when this

first came out used to buy it for like five bucks dispenser gifts now it's like a dollar and all

All it is is fucking slime in a fucking can.

All right, that's it.

I'm way too into that.

I love the fart noise, man.

You're high. It's because you're high.

Yeah, I am high.

We all love fart noise, right, Milkman?

Milkman, give us a fart over there, man.

Come on, man.

Let's hear it for farts, everybody.

Yeah.

We love farts here.

All right.

That's for the baby poopers.

We got time for one more prank call before the break.

This is going to be the end of the Midnight Hour, Milkman.

A whole bunch of baby poopers.

All right, we have the Nagaoka Grand Hotel.

And, ooh, Nagai Stadium.

I don't know if the Nagai Stadium is going to be able to play.

But the Nagaoka Grand Hotel.

And any idea where Nagata is?

Will, you're a Japanese representative.

Nagata, I have no clue.

I was in Okinawa.

It's an island about 20 miles long.

Milkman is Japanese.

You might not believe it, but he's half Japanese.

But he doesn't know either.

He's never been there before.

Half Japanese.

Yeah, yeah.

He's a half.

All right, we're going to move on.

I'm half retarded, too.

You know what, Milkman?

That's very disrespectful to make fun of retards, okay?

Okay, alright.

It's alright, I'm qualified.

Alright, we're going to be right back with the next prank call.

I need this cash.

Shut up.

It's not really milk, man.

Boring.

98.6.

No.

Green on the top, we're short like leprechauns as I crush so-called willies, thugs, and

rap-a-dons.

Get in that ass, kick fast like Ramadan.

It's that rap phenomenon.

I took like four hits

Without giving it to you

Crack a locket

You are so

So

Will we drink it tonight?

No

Taking a dump

Smoking a bowl?

Yeah

I do that every morning

That's all fun

I wake and bake so much man

That's a good

God damn

Let me just preach real quick

That's a good thing to do

You know

You take a dump in the morning

You sit there

And you're smoking a bowl

You know when you're taking a

You're letting that stress out

Yeah

Take that stress out

You know what

I like to

I turn the shower on

Very hot

And I smoke a bowl

And I light some incense

And I sit there

With my bowl in one hand

And the newspaper

In my other hand

And I take my time

Doing my business man

And it feels good

It feels good everybody

That's a

Don't eat on the toilet

Yeah that's the one

That we unlock

Oh word

Yeah

Fucking cell phones

Anyway

I promise a prank call

Hang on folks

I'm sorry

One more second

Will Corp

Oh shit Will

There's a Will Corp

In Japan

Hi this is Will

How could I help you

Let's call Will Corp

Fuck that

We'll call the hotel

After that

Will you wanna talk to Will

You'd be too afraid right

Mmm

Yeah

No I don't know

I kinda had

Something going

I'll call the hotel first

I don't know

What the hell is it

Will what happened

With you

dialing the numbers and stuff we never got your training shut up mushi mushi hey how are you babe

good you got an english speaker there mushi mushi hey you speak the english yeah a little do you

have a little okay great hey just a quick question what you're going right right now

and can you give me a shuttle here from the airport yeah uh is it there yeah whatever

whatever uh-huh not lane yes you're not lane what yes moshi moshi how much is do you have

any room you have any vacancies today today yes tonight yes today whatever we have a vacancy

yeah how much how much uh just a moment please weird whole music to me

the song it's that beethoven mozart shit yeah ma'am i'm offended by mozart

One single room.

Hello?

Yeah.

Yeah, tonight, one single room.

So, 6,900 yen.

6,900 yen?

Like 30 bucks.

Yes.

Oh, okay.

It's like 30 bucks.

How much is that in euro?

Euro?

Yeah, euro.

I'm sorry.

I don't know.

Can we trade for sexual favors?

Yeah.

No, what about sexual favors, though?

Let's talk sexual favors.

I'm making a proposition to you.

I can understand that.

You know, in America, this would be illegal.

What are you open to, exactly? What do you get into?

Saki-saki.

Madam, saki? Saki-saki.

Jesus, God, she's just converting it to Euro. What did I do?

No, no Euro. I'm talking sexual favors, though.

Can you ask someone what a sexual favor is, please?

Will someone tell you what a sexual favor is, please?

Ma'am? Oh, my God.

These Japanese, they start on something. They don't fucking stop.

Ma'am, stop. You can give up on the Euro. No Euro.

Mushi-mushi.

Hi, I'm sorry, I can't understand the...

Don't get nervous.

Don't just sit there and talk to me.

Talk to me.

Yes.

Okay?

Mushi-mushi?

Yes.

Alright.

Okay.

Now, what I'm talking about is a sexual favor.

You understand?

Sexual favor?

Yes, sexual favor.

Favor.

I can't understand sexual favor.

You can?

Mm-hmm.

Good.

I'm talking about, do you taste like strawberries?

Do you, uh, reservation for this?

Yeah, yeah, for sexual fit.

Yeah, let's do it.

Come on.

Whatever you want, whatever you need.

You got it.

Do you understand la la la?

You know that?

La la la la la.

La la la la la la.

You know?

Are you touching yourself, madam?

I really think she's touching herself.

She's into it.

You hear her?

It's like those anime movies when it's like going...

Ma'am.

Yes?

Are you done yet?

Sorry, I can't understand you speak English.

Do you know Tom Cruise?

Huh?

You know Tom Cruise?

Tom Cruise?

Yes.

I'm like Tom Cruise, you know?

Okay.

So you like?

You like Tom Cruise?

No, I know him.

Just a name.

Okay, well, all right.

So can I make a reservation?

You want my name?

My name?

My name, my name.

You want my name?

May I have your name?

Yeah, sure.

That's fine.

Absolutely.

Can I have your phone number later?

Phone number?

Yeah, we need a phone number and your name.

Okay, so my name is Vagina.

May I have your cell phone, please?

My what?

Uh, your name, the spelling, please.

Okay, V.

V.

Yeah, V like Victor.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, A.

B-A.

G-I.

N-A.

And can you say that back?

B-A-G-I-N-A.

Yes, vagina.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Vagina.

Yes.

Vagina.

That's right.

Yeah.

And, uh, may I have your phone number, please?

You know, I don't know the phone number here.

Uh, it's, uh, uh...

1-2-3-4-5-6-7.

Do you have a cell phone?

No, it doesn't work here.

Okay, so what time would you like to check in today?

As soon as, whenever you're available.

You let me know when.

So, would you like to get a reservation in one single room tonight, okay?

Yeah, for me and you.

Okay.

Okay, what kind of wine do you like?

Ah, it's okay.

You like sake?

Yes.

Sake, sake?

Sake, sake, you know, sake, sake.

Sake, sake?

Yes, that one.

Sake, sake?

Yes, hi.

Sake, sake, where is it?

All right, baby.

Look, I got to go.

We got to wrap this up, all right?

I'll be there later.

Sexual favors.

Write that down.

Just Google it, okay?

Okay.

Okay, excuse me.

Okay, you have my name?

Yeah, Mr. Vagina.

Thank you.

Thank you very much, madam.

God bless you, okay?

All right.

Domo arigato.

Hai.

Hai, Mr. Roboto.

All right, baby.

Hai.

Mushimushi?

Hai.

Mushimushi?

Hai.

Domo arigato.

Hai.

Mushimushi?

Arigato gozaimashita.

Ohio.

Ohio?

Ohayou gozaimasu.

Ohayou hai.

Alright, babe.

I'm outta here.

See ya.

Sayonara.

Okay.

Alright.

Tora, tora, tora.

Bye.

Kaede basen.

Good luck.

Vagina.

Stupid.

That was, uh,

Maestro Symphony Namatoshi

cross-living.

Oh, thank you very much,

Jin.

Alright, Jin gets a gold star.

Man, what's up?

Okay.

To shut the fuck up!

I played the wrong one,

I'm sorry.

I meant to give you the gold star.

I hit the one next to it,

I'm sorry.

I apologize.

You are a donkey,

Mr. Bull.

That's alright.

All right, we're going to continue.

We're going to take a break real quick, about five minutes long.

Long.

And we will be right back with more prank calls, more talk.

Will's got a special announcement to make.

It sounds good, Will.

Don't worry about it.

I'm not going to hold you to it.

Anyway, we'll be right back with more show in about five minutes.

Do not go anywhere.

Too doggone late.

Got to testify.

Come up in the spot, look at Extra Fly.

For the day I die, I'm going to test this guy.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

Don't tell me 40,000 people are coming here.

They're not here.

Oh, man, I'm the best there is.

This is me.

Well, hey, it's me.

Giving you the word of love.

They must have some crazy dogs.

I don't want your crazy dog.

Get on down.

Or do you like the little young black man?

I won't be sad.

You're going to cry.

I won't cry?

You're going to cry.

Revolute.

Revolutech.

Show.

Dot.

Blogspot.

Dot.

Com.

Prank call.

Podcast.

Internet.

For you.

For your family.

For your future children.

It's all right here.

All right.

What's up, everybody?

We are back.

Madhouse Radio.

Carlito.

Will.

Yo, yo.

Milkman.

Yeah, man.

Jen Stewart.

And The Warrior.

so thank you yeah all right we're all here dominic the donkey's here also we are ready to continue on

with the show um there's discussions in the chat room man chico sticks i like those you know the

only problem with a chico stick is that a chico stick sticks to your to your teeth so much man

no you know what you know what's wrong with the chico stick it's old no you finish it yeah that's

It's the suckiest part.

They're too small.

They don't make a big chicken.

You know, you need to bite this.

You know, it's like a gnaw on it for like five hours.

I would love a Reese's peanut butter cup that was the size of a hamburger patty.

I think that would be awesome.

And I would put it between two cold pancakes.

Think about that.

Okay, you get a cold pancake on the bottom, right?

You put down a Reese's pieces that say the size of a hamburger patty.

I mean, not a Reese's.

A Reese's peanut butter cup, right?

And on top of that, you put some whipped cream, some Cool Whip on top of that.

And then you put another pancake on top of that.

And then on top of that, you put chocolate syrup and chocolate chips.

That I would eat in a heartbeat.

Would you pay $9.99 for that?

I think I would.

Would you pay $15.99 for that?

I'd pay $12.99 for that.

$12.99, all right.

Because it's a big Reese's Pieces, man.

It's a big Reese's Pieces.

I sent it for the pancakes because, you know, it's just flour and water anyway.

Yeah.

The cup is the most expensive.

But you can make the cup yourself.

Chocolate.

Will we use that cheap, generic, milk-bound chocolate that doesn't taste like chocolate?

It just tastes like chocolate, but it's not going to be really chocolate.

You know what I'm saying?

I think that will come out to like $5 in making it.

In cost, you know.

In cost.

And you sell it for $12.99?

Come on, man.

We can use some of that Recaught Jiffy or whatever it was the other day.

No, the Salmonella Jiffy.

Yeah, we can get some of that.

It's discounted right now.

Yeah, that's exactly it, man.

This is what I need on me.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry, Will.

Just say it was a natural evolution of man.

Real quick, roundtable, before we move on.

My favorite candy is the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.

Will, what's your favorite candy?

Oh, wow.

I love candy.

Abba Zabba?

I don't really care for the Abba Zabba, but I do love candy.

Yeah.

You're going to have a special, a favorite bar, a favorite, you know, that will cost you.

Twix.

What?

Twix.

Twix?

Yeah.

I don't know.

What about Twix?

Milkman, you?

Take five.

That's good.

I like score bars or heat bars.

Oh, I haven't had a heat bar in a minute.

Score bars are hard.

Aren't they like a rock?

No.

Aren't they?

Well, scores.

No, man.

No?

I just suck the chocolate off and then eat the later.

The crunchy?

Yeah.

Yeah, I suppose.

I'd rather have a heat thug.

That's excellent lunchy food.

Jen, do you got a special over there from where you live at?

Oh, you know what's good?

That peanut butter candy.

You're not going to like it, but I don't really eat that kind of stuff, sorry.

Oh, you don't?

All right.

No, I'm too much in health for you to eat that stuff.

Wow, he's a biker, you know.

Oh, what?

And he's a mountain climber.

Wow.

Jen, yeah, he's crazy, man.

He was actually in the M5 or whatever that shit is called.

MI6, M16.

And the Warrior, anything?

Are you a sniper, too?

No, I'm not a sniper.

Take five all the way.

Take five.

Yeah, hell yeah.

Take five.

Which is...

Is that the new one that they made?

No, Fast Break.

Which is the one that they made that's like a Reese's...

I don't like the Fast Break.

Fast Break is the best.

I love a crunchy...

I love that peanut butter.

You gotta have that motherfucking peanut butter.

Reese's Pieces.

Yeah, that too, but...

Reese's Pieces.

I could eat some Reese's Pieces, man.

They got that new Reese's Pieces peanut butter finger, like...

Whatever.

I can't have it.

Reese's Pieces.

I don't know.

We're talking way too much.

It's in the chat room.

People are asking, Carlito asks Bazooka, am I going to update the podcast soon?

Yes, I will update the podcast this weekend with three new episodes.

I've been doing three episodes at a time.

Tell Carlito to connect to this conference.

I don't understand.

Please explain.

Forget it.

Don't even worry about it.

All right.

The Dad says going to be streaming after Carlito's show.

Okay.

The Dad's going on after Carlito's show.

Good deal, man.

DD on PCR.

DD PCR coming up next.

It's a great title for a show.

Neo is checking in.

Neo is saying hi.

Hi, Neo.

And hi to everybody.

We have 56.

56?

What's 19 plus 18 plus 10 plus 13?

137.

137 listeners, everybody.

All right.

No. 19, 20, 37, 37, 47, 50, 60 listeners even. That's awesome.

Good deal. Feeling good. Feeling good. We're making a big comeback here at Madhouse Radio.

Anyway, more prank calls before those people tune out.

Yes.

We have about 40 minutes left of the show. I thank you all for hanging in there.

Should we continue calling Japan? I've got a ton of numbers.

I mean, it's working so far, but I'm missing an American.

You know what I mean?

We've got to talk to an American person.

Costco in Japan?

Yeah, we called that last week, though.

It was kind of weak.

I think it's Sasa.

Yeah, no, they didn't speak any English at all.

No English at all there.

We'll try Mr. Toot's Coffeehouse.

How's that?

I hope it's not too late there.

They were open about 40 minutes ago.

I thought you were going to call Debra Mantz.

We could.

Oh, Debra.

I haven't talked to her in a while.

All right, let's call Debra.

Let's call this guy again.

That dude.

Or Charlie Patton, either one.

Hey, the toll-free line's open, though, right?

Yeah, 888-278-8509.

So if you want to call in, now's the time.

We've got a few minutes left.

Join in, and you can talk shit about us or about yourself,

or you can do a prank call, no pressure.

You don't have to do a prank call if you don't want to.

It's no big deal.

I don't care.

Whatever.

Just call in, and we'll be a dick and stuff, you know?

All right, we'll be right back with the next prank call tonight.

We're going to call Charlie Pat.

No, not Charlie Pat.

So we're going to call Debra Mansfield, and she is the crazy bus driver lady.

All right?

And if you don't know what we're talking about, go to madhouselive.com and look that up.

For the time being, we'll be right back.

The alcoholic drug addict.

She's going to fuck you.

She's going to have a hulk his ass house down.

The bus driver, yeah.

Whatever.

We'll be right back.

Hang on.

Oh, we brought it back to the day.

Can I speak with Debbie?

Debra?

This is Peter Tuckerson.

You know, you see, there's always got to be some guy who gets involved in my business with women.

Always.

Cock fucker.

That went nowhere.

Thank you, Milkman, though.

Hang on, let me try to get the lady back here.

There we go.

We'll call Charlie Patton next, then.

Well, that sucked.

All right, folks.

We're regrouping now.

Ooh, look, a caller on the toll-free line.

We have a caller on the toll-free line.

And we lost a caller on the toll-free line.

We lost a caller on the toll-free line, so we're going to try another number then.

I have nothing but these Japanese numbers, so what the hell, we'll knock them out.

We're going to call the Akasaka Animal Hospital Popular.

An animal hospital.

You should call Iraq.

You dumb motherfucker.

What the hell are you doing?

Put me on the line with the Marines.

Watch this.

Hello.

Uh, can I borrow your phone card, please?

What are you doing?

Who do you think you're calling at this time of night?

This is not a joke business here, sir.

I'm sorry.

You do not call here talking this business at, uh, at, uh, 1227.

What do you think you are?

This is a place of, this is a place of gavala.

I'm Gandhi.

Gandhi, my ass. What's up, man? How you doing, Dr. Oligo?

Can I borrow your phone card?

Tucker Snicklestein.

You don't need a phone card.

You got more money than NASA or whatever the hell it is.

No, but you know what happens?

I need a phone card because sometimes when I make a call, you know, I block my number.

You know, sometimes they have, like, the unblocked number so I can use it.

Hey, look, you don't want to give me a phone card?

Fine, man.

I can.

I'm just kind of busy right now.

But these ones here, we have to block them still.

You have to get a spoof tail.

You can't find phone cards that are decent.

I'm saying, you know, you got all these people out there that are fucking killing with the phone cards, man.

Share the love.

Milkman buys me a phone card every week.

That's it.

Or most of the loser throws one in.

Yeah, Milkman buys a...

He spends at least ten bucks a week.

I'll hook you up if you realize.

Dr. Lego, Milkman says he will hook you up.

He's got a whole stockpile.

He's selling them on the side over there like weed.

Oh, the Virgin Islands, man.

He's over in fucking South America.

He's in Iraq or something.

I don't know.

He's like in Bolivia.

No, he's in the Virgin Islands.

And it's like, you know...

You know, if...

Yeah, it's like the legal crack of the Virgin Islands is phone cards.

I really don't understand what the fuck he does in the Virgin Islands.

He's, I don't know.

He's out there.

He's got, it's good.

He's building computers and fixing computers in fucking, in the Virgin Islands.

I'm a troop.

I work for the people's design department.

Yeah, so what up with you, man?

Ah, nothing, man.

I work till like 11 o'clock tonight from like 8 in the morning.

I'm wiped.

I just wanted to call and say hey to my friend Carlito.

Man.

I missed you, man.

It's good to be back, Dr. Lego.

I'm glad you're back.

I'm glad I am, too.

I'm glad that we were able to work it out, man.

It's all good, dude.

Fuck it.

You know what, dude?

It just doesn't matter.

No, not at all.

Anyway, I don't want to take up your time.

I just want to say hello and go do your pranks.

You're doing a great job, and I've been listening for the last 15, 20 minutes to your funny fuck.

Dr. Lego, I've got a proposal for you.

Okay.

That we make a new gross tape.

You want to make the gross tape, too?

You make it, the people out there have them submit themselves shitting, pissing, farting, you know,

and the best ones put it into the new gross tape.

Okay, because I mean, honestly, I was thinking of re-releasing the gross tape.

Yeah, you could do that, but you should get a new one and actually get the people out there to put their submissions.

You'd be surprised. Some of these people are pretty good.

You want to know something? I actually have outtakes and songs and footage that never made the original gross tape.

I see. Bring that out, man. We need a new gross tape. The new millennium is past due for the new gross tape, man.

In fact, I'm going to put up the gross tape website, and I would like to have people write to me, especially like you inspired me, what the gross tape means to you.

Yeah, it meant a lot to me. And I've told you the story that I found it at Spencer Gifts, I bought it, and I went into high school, like, for, like, three years straight, I, I always go in with a tape player with, you know, the kind, the old kind, you could, you had a speaker on, you know, on the side of it, you know what I mean?

And I'd go into the bathroom stall

And I'd play the shitting one

And people like

It was the best

The black people always laughed at it

Because I'd give it to my friend

My friend Mike

He's listening to the show now

These days

And he'd go in the stall

And we just

The black people were like

This nigga here

Taking a shit motherfucker

This white boy taking a shit

You know

And he'd be playing real loud

And the guy's like

You know

And it's good times man

Good times

There you go

It's a gross tape

It's one of the best things

But I made so many illegal copies of it

I'm sorry

Dude, no, that's what it's for, you know?

Hey, listen, you know, I don't know if we ever discussed numbers,

but I released that independently through Spencer and a couple other distribution places.

I sold 42,000 copies, and you do the math.

I sold them wholesale for about $2 a piece.

So is that how you did it, huh?

That's how you got in the game?

No, that's not how I got in the game.

I actually was one of the first people in New York importing IBM clones

clones into the country.

Wow.

And that's how, that's the first, that's where I made my first hundred grand.

Oh, okay.

Working out of my dad's house.

Really?

Pretty, pretty funny, dude.

So that's when they first started making the IBM compatible P, alternative PCs?

Correct.

Nobody had them.

Everyone was, everyone was buying IBMs for $4,000 and I was, I put an ad in the New York

Times.

I was a little entrepreneur when I was like 17, 18.

I put a little ad in the New York Times, uh, yeah man, buy a PC clone for half the

price.

I was selling them for $2,500.

Dude, there were people pulling up by the carloads in front of my dad's house.

People thought there was drug deals going on.

Wow.

And now you're the king of prank calls.

I'm not the king of prank calls.

You know what, dude?

I'm one of the kings, okay?

I'm one of the kings.

You know what?

It's like boxing.

You know, you can't, you know, Muhammad Ali was an amazing boxer, but you can't take

away from Joe Louis or Rocky Marciano or Mike Tyson.

You know, there's a lot of kings of boxing, you know?

So that's the way I look at prank calls.

I'm not in the fucking competition.

I do my pranks.

I like to have a good time.

That's it.

Yeah, well, hey, man, you're a man of strong conviction, though,

and you have big plans and big pants to match, sir.

And you know what?

What?

I do consider myself a legendary prank caller.

Yeah, that's good, man.

Like you.

We're being very open with our waist size tonight, man.

Oh, I'm...

We're embracing it tonight.

Yes, sir, we're embracing it tonight.

I wear, like, a 36 or a 38.

That's what I wear.

That's something.

All right, Lego.

We're going to move on with the show.

Thank you very much for calling in.

What about penis size?

Are you doing that?

We don't talk about that here, man.

That's KDK's show.

You know that.

Well, yeah.

No, dude.

That's a whole other story.

I know.

All right, listen.

Have a great show.

I love you, man.

Hey, man.

I love you, too.

All right, then.

I won't say you love me.

What do you mean you love me?

I didn't mean to call him home with no suspect.

I said it because you said you loved me, and you made me say it back.

Well.

Dr. Lego, everybody.

I think you mean kind of a dick, bro.

That's right.

Fuck you.

Dr. Bro.

I say, I say.

Dr. Bro.

You fucking ass motherfucker.

Check it in.

Bro, bro, bro, bro.

Dick sucker.

Bro, bro, bro, bro.

There.

Bro.

All right, hang on, folks.

We're getting to a prank call here.

Ooh, little angels in Nagasaki.

Okay, we're going to call the animal hospital first.

Shut up.

Too much music here, man.

Jeez.

All of you.

All right.

Anyway, here we got two new numbers in.

Now we got the Monsoon Cafe in Tokyo, Japan.

Also, Will, how about that?

That is your name, right, Will?

Will.

All right.

Okay, so the animal hospital it is first.

Japan coming at you on the mouth.

My dog just got right in my mouth.

I'm sorry to hear this.

Your dog?

Oh, okay.

That's the premise of the show.

I thought you were being serious, man.

What was that?

fucking dogs stupid dog you get me every time you say it's like what what what every night

shut up i said shut up all right hey mushi mushi baby what's going on hey hey you speak

english please now uh super hey uh are there any sexy girls over there uh could you tell me your

Yes, my name is Vagina Jones.

Sorry, what's that again?

Vagina Jones?

What the fuck is that?

Hold on, please.

Vagina Jones is on the app.

Oh, man.

Iron Chef.

Yeah, I love Iron Chef.

Who's this?

Yeah, who's this?

I'm trying to get a reservation.

I want to talk to a sexy girl.

Well, you know, this is the wrong number.

No, I'm looking...

Oh, what a...

He didn't hang up on me.

He didn't hang up on you.

I will play music until you hang up now.

He's so polite.

I wish we could do that.

I'm so polite.

Let's play this out.

If you want to call in tonight...

You can call us in tonight.

Again, the toll-free line is...

1-888-278-8509.

Vagina Jones here tonight.

night taking your calls all right hang on i'm clearing the line it's just such a pretty song

i just can't wait all right hang on yeah call in here call us first vagina jones what the hell is

that all about milkman that's milkman's idea yeah hold on just one moment please milkman call me

earlier tonight everybody you should call you should say you're vagina jones vagina

Vagina

It's supposed to be a walrus

Oh

Oh man

I'm sorry Will

I'm gassy

Alright

Turn that

Microphone off man

Jesus God

Madhouse Radio

You're on the air

Yo what's up man

Who this

This is uh

The Pris

Doug D. Pree

What's up

What's up Doug man

That's right

What's going on man

It's good to talk to you

Yeah man

What's going on

I'm alright

Just here you know

Getting ready to wrap it up soon

Having fun calling Japan

Great

Yeah

Yeah, how about that, huh?

Nice, man.

You should call Nintendo.

Nintendo in Japan.

Yeah, that's, you know, why not?

We should get to the source of this whole thing.

Yeah, that's a great idea.

Tell them you have a new idea for, like, a gay Link character.

A gay Link character.

What was that for?

He's trying to save Zelda's brother.

Right, gay Link.

Poor Link.

Link is gay, I think.

He never hooks up with a person.

Fucking silk shoes.

Yeah, he's got something going on.

Get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, dude's got a fairy that follows him around.

Yeah, dude.

Fucking truth right there.

Alright, you wanna call Japan?

Yeah, sure, go ahead.

I got the Monsoon Cafe, or I've got Little Angels.

The Monsoon Cafe. Absolutely.

You can tell by the name.

Alright, cool. He's all excited about the Monsoon Cafe, Will.

Alright, we'll call the Monsoon Cafe. Hang on, man.

Everybody, be right back with...

How deep is the water?

Do you want to go floor ride over there?

I think there's no water there.

If you're going to be dumb, you got to be tough.

I've got some bad ones I can't shake.

Yes, hello, I'm an American.

American?

Yes.

English?

Yes.

English.

Yes, do you allow nudity?

Reservation?

Can I come to your cafe with no clothes on?

Computer.

Your cafe?

My restaurant is Mountain Cafe.

Yes. Can I come without clothing? I'm very open.

Clothing?

Yes. Clothing. Pants. No pants.

Can we open?

No pants.

Pants?

Trousers. No trousers.

Trousers. Reservation or open time?

No.

Reservation?

No.

Computer reservation?

Yo, bitch. You're fucking dumb as shit, dude.

I'm sorry.

It's stupid, though.

Sir, I have a reservation for Mr. Vagina.

Sir?

Moshi moshi.

Uh, reservation?

Reservation.

Yeah.

Vagina.

Ah, reservation.

Okay.

You have it?

Today.

Yes.

Uh, what time?

Now.

Um.

As soon as possible.

E.M.?

What's on fire?

Fine.

What's on fire?

Sir?

Uh, please wait a minute.

Oh, hurry up.

Hang on, I'm going to connect it with Nintendo of America.

I can't.

Deep Press is on.

Dupree is online.

Hello?

Yes, hello.

I'm an American.

American, yes.

Yes, I would like to visit Nintendo.

Nintendo?

Yes, I would like to visit your headquarters and speak with Mr. Miyamoto about some ideas

I've had.

Yeah.

Uh.

Mr. Miyamoto.

Yeah.

Today's reservation.

Yes.

Mr. Miyamoto, please.

Now.

Mr. Miyamoto.

Miyamoto?

Miss, I'd like to ask you a question.

Um, people.

A little bit. A lot. A little bit.

Good day. Please tell me.

Um...

You, bitch. You, bitch.

Bitch.

Um, can I please wait a minute?

Yes.

He's an idiot.

I wish I could conference in...

I wish I could come up with better stuff, dude, but like, they don't speak English.

Yeah, yeah, it's... you can only get so far.

Yeah. I'm getting ready to give up on this guy. Hang on.

Actually, I'm gonna give up right now. Hang on, dude.

Alright, man. Good effort.

Right.

Very well done.

You had a good time?

Yeah, it was good enough for what I could do, you know, that they don't speak English.

What can you say, you know?

You did very well, man.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

All right, brother, man.

Yeah, have a good night, Mr. DePriest.

All right, man.

Thank you.

DePriest.

All right, man.

Later.

See you, man.

All right.

Yeah.

DePriest, DePriest, whatever the fuck his name is.

Oh, buddy, DePay.

All right, if you want to call in again, the toll-free line, thank you, Will, is 888-278-8509.

Yes, that's right.

I'm sorry.

Have a word with me.

Hey, the dead said he's going to call in.

That's going to go over well.

We haven't had the dead call in in a long time, man.

Who's dead?

The dead.

Man, I haven't heard him in a long time, man.

He's the king of his very first calls while you're in the madhouse.

Yeah, that's right.

We were the ones that enticed him.

God help us.

We were the ones that started the dead.

What is the magic of the dead?

All right, this must be Jen.

Hello.

Jen Stowe.

How are you, good lord?

Is it good lord?

Is that what you say?

Good lord.

Alright, do you want to call Japan, sir?

Yeah, let's call Japan.

Do we have Japan or we can call Japan?

I don't know.

We can call...

We got a Will Corp.

I don't know about that.

What have you got?

Will Corp.

What's my corp?

Will Corp.

Yeah, I don't know about that.

We can call the hotel, though.

Yeah, let's call the hotel.

We'll call the Nagaoka Grand Hotel, then.

Alright, super...

Nagaoka.

Yes, I think we called them earlier, but whatever.

I'm wheezing.

Alright.

That's bad.

We'll be right back after this, folks.

Thank you very much. This is Nakaoka Grand Hotel.

You do have a reservation for me. Could you check that reservation, please, ma'am?

Yes.

Yes. Check the reservation now.

Tonight?

Yes, now. I have a reservation, ma'am.

Are you a Martian?

I'm sorry?

Name.

Dick and mouth. Dick and mouth. And mouth. D-I-C-K and mouth.

Please, name.

And mouth.

Please, please.

D-I-C-K.

Yes, I'm a Martian.

I-N-M-O-U-T-H. F-U-C-K-E-R.

Do you speak English, ma'am?

Hi.

Are we having an old-fashioned contest?

Yes, I'm holding.

You play the Mozart thing again?

I like that.

She likes Americans.

Hello.

Who am I speaking with, please?

Hello.

Yes.

Who is this?

How did we meet?

Yes.

Speak.

Hello.

Yes.

You speak English?

Yes.

Let him.

Hello.

I'm sorry.

What?

Yes.

Hi.

Yes.

We seem to be confused here.

lost in translation i seem to be put on your telephone i don't know how i got there or what

i'm doing did you push a button i was i was talking to my brother who are you yes what

yeah speaking english yes mr by saying now yes i'm sure yes madam yes

uh what are we doing how did how did i talk to you why am i talking to you please where is my brother

yes yes no please get my brother on the phone yes big english please yes yes you keep saying

yes madam do you like it in the house do you go sideways yes no yes speak english please

madam hello hello yes are we playing games madam please where's my brother i i don't speak japanese

madam hello hello man hello yes i we are we seem to be going round in circles there do you

understand what i'm saying better yes please hello yes

May I help you?

Lord, I seem to be puzzled here.

I was talking to your friend a moment ago.

She was rather rude to me.

Talking to me in such a foreign accent.

I don't...

Excuse me.

Excuse you.

Excuse me, my friend.

Will you please speak slowly?

I am speaking.

Will you please shut up and listen?

Okay, I was talking to your friend a moment ago.

She was very rude to me.

Very rude.

I am very angry.

Talking about dick and mouth and...

Oh, my goodness.

I'm gracious.

Excuse me.

I told you.

Will you please speak slowly and clearly?

Slowly and clearly, step by step.

Whom do you want to call?

I want to call Kobayashi. He has my samurai sword.

Mr. Kobayashi?

Kobayashi. He has my samurai sword.

Is he staying in your hotel?

Put me through so that I can stick my samurai up his backside.

You'd like to speak Mr. Kobayashi?

Yes, Kobayashi.

Who's Mr. Kobayashi?

Is he a client?

Are you a parrot? I'm sorry?

Who's Mr. Kobayashi?

I think he's your father.

Pardon?

I think he's your father.

Para.

Yes, yes, yes.

Para.

What do you mean para?

Father.

Do you understand, sir?

No.

The person that put his dick into your mother?

Mr. Kobayashi.

It doesn't ring a bell, does it?

Funny.

Is he our hotel employee or a guest?

He's probably a guest, I would imagine.

Perhaps you could type his name into the computer.

It's very, very strange spelling.

Are you ready?

Oh, no.

I cannot understand.

I don't understand what you say.

Anyway, I understand. You want to talk to Mr. Kobayashi.

Yes, please, sir.

Excuse me, but who's Mr. Kobayashi?

I think he's your father, sir. I've said this twice now. I think we're going in circles again.

I don't like circles again. I could be on a carousel having more fun. Sir?

Oh, please, speak slowly. Step by step.

I am speaking very slowly. Slowly. One, two, three. Do you understand?

Yes.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, etc.

Who's Mr. Kobayashi?

Mr. Kobayashi is your father, and maybe he's your mother too.

Alla? He's Alla? What?

He's Alla? No, no, no. He is your father, sir. He is your father.

Father. Father. Father.

Have you seen Star Wars? Luke, I am your father, you know?

Father. I'm a father.

Father. Yes. It's in the alphabet somewhere.

How do you spell father?

How do I? It's F-U-C-K-E-R.

F-A-T-H-E-R.

Yes. F-A-T-H-E-R. Father. Do you mean my father?

Father.

Sorry, yes, Bob?

Father of father and father.

How would you like to have a punch in the mouth?

Our father. What do you mean, our father?

I don't, I'm not sure.

Maybe Father Christmas?

Sir, get to the point. Please get Mr. Kobayashi on the phone or eat shit.

Have I made that simple enough for you, sir?

No, no, no, no.

No, no, not simple enough.

Just so I understand, you want to talk to Mr. Kobayashi.

Sir?

Will you shut up and listen to me?

I don't understand. Who's Mr. Kobayashi?

Mr. Kobayashi, I've told you several times, he's your father.

There's two objects on the table. The Kobayashi, piece of shit. You understand?

No.

No? Yes. Try and understand.

I don't understand.

Mr. Kobayashi, piece of shit. Left and right side of the table.

You will take either one of them and put them in your mouth and swallow them.

I don't understand. Who's Mr. Kobayashi?

This is not going very well. This is really not going very well.

And you said, he's our father. What do you mean, our father?

I mean, he stuck a penis into your mother, went in and out a few times, and then conceived you.

Who's the woman back on the phone? I think I was having more success with her.

Kobayashi.

Yes, Kobayashi.

But I don't know who's Kobayashi.

I don't know.

Sir, you're wasting valuable time. You're wasting valuable time. I have better things to do with my time, sir.

I'm going to ramble on about a load of bullshit.

So please get the woman on the phone so that we can have a discussion about Japanese jet ports.

Oh, please, excuse me. Please don't speak so quickly.

Please speak slowly, step by step, then I think I can understand you.

Slowly I come, step by step. Kobayashi. Kobayashi Maru.

Yes, that's my brother on the phone now. Yes sir, he got back.

Yes, Kobayashi Maru, my friend.

You understand, sir? Yes.

I'm very sorry, I cannot understand you. What did you say?

Woman, woman, do you understand woman? Yes, sexy woman.

On the phone. Shut up.

Do you mean Miss Kobayashi?

Kobayashi?

Look, couldn't you drop the Kobayashi thing?

I wish I'd never said it.

Sir, please get the woman on the phone.

You know, phone.

Please give her the phone.

By the way, where are you calling from?

I'm calling from London.

From where?

Forget that.

Sir, please get the woman on the phone.

You understand?

You're really pissing me off now.

Please get the woman on the phone.

Yes.

Oh.

No?

No.

What is he doing?

These people end up getting all horned up and shit, man.

God, you people are sick.

You're sick and perverted, all you little dirty Japanese.

Direction?

Oh, Jesus, God.

Well, that's a shame. I don't want to see you either.

I don't know.

Who's this thing, Kobayashi?

You understand female? Forget Kobayashi.

Woman, female. Put her on the phone.

Kobayashi.

And do you know her first name?

Are we going through the alphabet again, sir?

Please get the woman on the phone.

Do you mean, not Mr. Kobayashi, but Mrs. Kobayashi?

No, not Mr. Kobayashi, Mrs. Kobayashi.

Sister, I don't give a fuck, Kobayashi.

Please get the woman on the phone, sir.

Woman?

Woman, yes.

Oh, then is she out of crack?

Oh, for God's sake, that's it.

I believe she does have a crack. I don't know if she's your friend.

Jen, I don't know.

Why don't we put her on the phone and ask her if she has a crack?

Okay, Jen, I cut that off because I was going way too long.

I know, it was going a bit slow. Sorry.

There was no out. It was good.

It's hard to do when they don't speak English.

It is hard to do when they don't speak English, man.

It's alright, Jim.

Am I coming back on thing, or do you want to make another show?

Go back on T-Speaker and get rid of it in the show.

Alright, hang on there.

Hey everybody, we're back.

We're going to play some music here while we get back.

That's fine.

It's quite alright, man.

That was a good call.

It was a good call at the beginning.

And through the middle of it, too.

And it got some more steam in it.

just a little too long that's all it was um it's time to go i'm tired we gotta go it's one o'clock

in the morning we're ending on time are you excited about that uh will yeah by going home

on time no i'm sorry it's okay all right man man sorry you made it so late too man hey it's all my

fault yeah i had to poop hey milkman what is it now the dead wants what now he wants us to call

his conference number oh man you for real do i have to can he call in can he call here milkman

G-Top.

Is Milkman around?

Milkman, wake up.

Trying to talk to you.

Yeah, you said the number's busy, man.

Well, the number isn't busy now.

I'm not on the phone.

Tell him to call in real quick.

He's got to make it quick.

Hurry up.

Dad, this is your order.

You must call in.

Now.

Do it now.

Okay, other than that, I can just call the people who did call in.

Dr. Lego called in tonight.

Who else called in?

Clone Homegrown called in.

Depris, Depris, whatever his name is.

Depri.

He called in.

You know, I don't think Clint likes me right now.

I don't think so either, Jim, man.

I don't know what's up with that.

And, oh, yeah, this other guy, too.

Jim Stewart called in, too.

Hey, Jonathan.

That's funny.

Hang on.

Let's get Jonathan on here.

Jonathan, you're on the air.

What's up, Cozy-Doo?

Hey, man.

What's going on?

Not much.

Sorry I'm calling in so late.

You're late, man.

I was out for a little bit.

Oh, what were you doing with the old lady?

No, I was out having some fun with some friends at a bar.

Oh, look at you.

Pina Coladas, what did you drink?

No, I didn't drink any pina coladas this time.

I drank some energy drinks, but that's about it.

Oh, you had the new cocaine.

The new cocaine.

So you can't go to sleep then tonight?

I'll fall asleep sometime.

All right, man.

Well, it's good for you to call in so late, man, now that we're ending the show.

Yeah, did y'all do any good pranks this time?

I think we did pretty well.

We did better than last week, not as good as what we normally do.

Will came in late.

That's fine.

He had to work.

We called Japan all night.

We didn't call any...

Well, we called one place, Steakhouse.

Other than that, all we got was numbers in Japan.

I think it was kind of fun, man.

You know, you can only go so far with it because you can't talk English to them, but...

English.

English, that's right.

But it was a good time, Jonathan.

You missed a good show, but, you know, the podcast, right?

You always...

You were talking about my new show this week.

Oh, that's right.

Jonathan's doing a show, Will.

Where?

You got to talk on the phone.

Yeah, Jonathan's doing a show, man.

Where at?

That was on?

Where at?

Oh, shit, it's on.

Yeah, he's on PCR, right?

Jonathan, give yourself a shout-out real quick.

Yes, the new exclusive Cane Cane Brothers, me, MindToy, and a few other special guests

will be on Thursday from 8 to 10.

Very good.

Look at that.

This is going to precede our show, Will.

All right.

Isn't that awesome?

Yeah, man.

Yeah.

You see what happens?

You know, and every week I used to say, you know, say hi to your fans, and sure enough,

look what happened.

You know?

You see?

Jonathan, the Cane Cane Brothers are a spinoff show from the Madhouse.

And I'm very proud of it

Well congratulations man

I wish you nothing but luck

And I will definitely help you out

In any way you need Jonathan

Let me know okay

If you need advice on broadcasting and all that

Yeah

Good luck Jonathan man

Alright

So next week

A week from tonight at 8 o'clock

Eastern Standard Time you'll be going on right

With your friends

Alright very good man congratulations

Congratulations.

All right.

I'll probably go later, Ben.

Take care of yourself, man.

Later, man.

See you later.

Bye.

Yep.

He's sitting there in buttons like...

The dead says he's going to call in.

It was busy.

Well, yeah, I know.

Because Jonathan called, and now the crazy fucker will probably call.

Where's crazy fucker been, man?

You know, he called this house like at 2 o'clock in the morning last week.

Why we haven't called him?

I don't know.

Well, he's got to call us.

What the heck?

I don't know.

I'm going to have to call him.

I'm leaving the line open for the dead, and who's on...

What's the deal with the dead?

Who's on with him?

what's going on verducci's online yeah i don't know uh wise fool says sometimes carlito sounds

like douglan borski from sons of butcher i have no idea what that is no idea what this is jonathan

madhouse radio you're on the air yeah why don't you call the conference call hey what's up prank

Crankmaster, how you doing, man?

What's going on, brother?

How you been?

I just got it now, man.

I'm doing a show, baby.

Who's in it?

You tell me if it's worth it.

Thank you.

Okay, so, so far I have

you're in it,

Clone Homegrown is in it,

and who else?

Clown.

okay yeah all right uh you sent it to me already on uh

all right dude all right i'll do it i'll be honest with you i don't know clown

um but uh milkman is this legit should i do this

You said that they're in there

so we'll give it a try, and if it's not,

just bail out if they start

screwing it up. Alright, man, we're gonna...

I'm doing that now, okay?

Alright, hang on. Well, then.

This one goes out to that kid.

What's his name? The Debt. The Debt.

Prank Master. Hang on, let me...

Yes, that guy. Let me, uh, let me get

that shit on here. Hang on. I'll play that.

I'll play that either.

I don't know. I was just thinking, you know, up north by the Canucks.

By the Canucks, eh? You're right, though, actually.

No shit?

Uh-huh.

No, you're not.

Good guess.

No way.

Boots?

A boot?

Are you talking about boots?

Wait, do you know the guy that just gave you the phone?

Yeah.

I had sex with him on a regular basis.

No, seriously, do you know the guy, or you just met him today?

No, I really do have sex with him today.

What, are you his girlfriend?

Fucking chat lines are gay, man.

You know?

You just have sex.

You remember chat lines from the 90s?

Chat lines?

Yeah, man.

The hell is that?

Fucking chat lines.

Remember chat lines?

Everyone's like, yeah, let's go on a chat line.

Are you talking about AOL?

No, Mike.

Before AOL, man, you had to, you know, people would call these 900 numbers to chat to people.

It cost like 99 cents a minute.

People used to do that all the time.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Those were the days.

Yeah, you know, you had to have a credit card.

Right.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, people went dead.

Oh, you had to have freaking abilities.

No, no, no.

So what's going on?

Who's on with us right now?

What's the story?

Why am I here?

Clone.

What's up, Clone?

Hey, man.

Long time.

It's Clone and Clown.

Yeah.

Clown.

Clown, look, I'm going to apologize.

No disrespect, but I've heard of you a little bit.

Like, I've heard you mentioned around PCR a few weeks ago, but I don't know much.

You did a lot of prank calls in the past, or you're known for your prank calls?

Dude, I am the owner of Daltone Radio.

Okay.

All right.

What is that now?

I'm sorry.

I'm not trying to be rude.

I just, I don't know.

No, no, it's cool.

Daltone Radio.

Okay.

On Daltone, FN.

Yeah.

We haven't pranked in about a year, though, but about two years ago, we used to be the most active.

Okay, that's cool.

Like, prank calls, just prank calls, or you just did comedy and shit?

Like, prank call radio, or are you the people that are, like...

We're the gods, yeah.

You're the guys?

Yeah, we're the guys, but that's what the gods, same thing.

Yeah, whatever you want to call them.

Eric Varducci.

All right, man.

Well, that's awesome.

He's not in here.

I was told to expect Eric Varducci in here.

I really wanted to talk to him.

I guess he's not...

Oh, I'm sorry.

You're going to have to deal with me.

Oh, okay.

All right, this is Eric.

Is this Miss Verducci?

You're a good voice.

She fucks Verducci on a regular basis.

Oh, this is Verducci's chick?

Yeah.

Oh, what's up?

How you doing?

She'll name Maui.

What are you doing?

Oh, I've been Maui?

You're in Maui?

Uh-huh.

Wow, man.

Absolutely beautiful.

I'm looking at the ocean right now.

I'm sorry.

Fuck a dick.

A clone lived out there, you know, for a while.

Who?

Clone.

Homegrown.

The white guy you're talking to.

The other white guy.

Oh, whatever.

All right.

Guys this sounds fun

But I gotta wrap up the show man

I'm gonna head out here real quick

I'm sorry it took me so long to get in here

You guys all should have called in the show

As far as I'm concerned

I don't know why you didn't

Is the dead around here still

No

He gets upset when you call him prank master

Try that man

Clone understands that

Y'all have a good night and a good weekend

God bless you all

Did you hang up your phone

Will, did you hang up your motherfucking phone?

Okay, good.

No wind.

All right, guys.

We're out of here.

Milkman, take us out of here.

All right, man.

Fucking fantastic show, man.

I'd love to thank all our friends out there, especially Mr. Kato over at PCU, who allows

us the wonderful spot to stream on and all the wonderful things here in the chat room,

PCU.

Dr. Lego, our wonderful friend over at PCR.

If you are, thank you, Dr. Lego, for streaming us and allowing us in your chat.

We're having a great time.

Sure.

Also, I want to thank the hardest working man in all of prank radio, Storm Shadow,

a.k.a. the Lonesome Loser, and other names now forgotten by most noobs.

Thank God for the Lonesome Loser.

We love you, man.

Also, everybody else out there, I want to make sure that we thank our fearless leader

right here in the madhouse, Big Carly.

You've got the militia behind you.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Whatever.

Yeah, thanks, man.

It's coming back.

I appreciate it.

Yeah, I'm back.

We love you, my man.

That's right.

Oh, shit.

I got a song to play.

The biggest band ever.

Quiet.

I got a song to play for my tribute.

No, ladies and gentlemen.

Hang on.

Okay.

It's called Madhouse Sucks.

Oh, yeah.

Heck yeah, man.

That's what I say.

That's an awesome song, man.

That is fucking amazing.

That's some brilliant stuff on Dr. Lego's part, man.

Nothing but love from Dr. Lego.

I want to say thank you very much, Dr. Lego.

I'm very impressed.

That is a real tribute to the madhouse.

And great sound.

Yeah, that was great.

I think I'm going in action, man.

I do.

Hey, I think you recorded that right over the fucking speakerphone or something.

What the hell?

It sounds like you recorded it using a megaphone or something.

You know what I mean?

That's what I got to get, Will.

Fuck it.

Will, we've got to start a fund.

I need to buy a megaphone.

I want to use a megaphone in public.

I literally want to have it in my car

and talk to people through the megaphone all the time.

Like, I'll take it

and I'll go to the mall

with my megaphone

and when I order stuff, I'll use the megaphone

to talk to people. Wouldn't that be funny?

To use

megaphones to talk to people. That would be so awesome.

I don't know why. I want to buy it.

I am so good at this thing.

I love my megaphone.

thank you milkman for

blowing everybody's ears off you're the best when it

comes to that department

I was using my megaphone man

super okay

are we done we said

hey thanks to everybody and

if we didn't thank you that's right

I'm sorry I didn't want to thank the most

important people in our show

no such thing

you the listener

no such thing as anybody

no such thing as anybody who's important

important oh no i can't it is important man the listeners it is all about you man this is why we

do it we'll get paid for doing this we provide interactive ways for you to join the show and

have fun have a laugh with us whatever i'd like to thank you so much for tuning in everybody we

love you here at the madhouse the listeners are number one god bless you thanks a lot jim sturt

thanks a lot mr war here thanks a lot thanks i love you god bless you what are you looking for

Hang on, we're busy.

I'm trying to do something.

Will's giving me directions.

I don't know what Will wants me to do.

Will's crazy.

Here we go.

Thank you so much, Mr. Will, for coming back to the show.

We sure missed you, man.

We'll be back, bro.

All right.

Hang on.

Folks, we're going to be back next week.

Go to madhouselive.com.

Check out the podcast.

What else can I say?

Nothing else.

All right.

Leave me the hell alone.

I've got to find the audio to end the show.

I forgot to get it ready here.

My bad.

Right here in the madhouse.

Don't be afraid to call.

I sent you Tuck's little thing.

He wanted you to play it.

Yeah, I'm going to be playing that for sure.

All right, we're out of here, folks.

We'll catch you next week.

Thanks a lot for calling in today.

Welcome back, bro.

We love you for all you do.

God bless you.

Ah, shit.

E-T-R-P-T-U.

We love you.

I messed up the audio already.

Here we go.

I think this is it here.

Hang on.

1-0-4.

See you next week, folks.

MadhouseLife.com

and all that stuff

God bless you

we love you

I love you

yes we do

ah

ha

ah

Calls (13, 48 min of 1 h 38 min)

Transcript

Comments 0