2007-03-22 Show (part 1)

And who plays?

What happens in America?

Well, we steamed your ass in World War II.

What do you have to...

I never did, and who helped you out just now?

You pissed off, woman.

Don't talk to me like that.

We don't need you anyway, bitch.

God, fuck you.

Call me a stinky, stinky fucker.

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Radio is out.

I'm a fucking, I'm a fucking, I'm a fucking...

I'm a fucking, I'm a fucking...

Good evening, everybody.

Hello.

Hello there.

Hello there, everybody.

Wow, my mic is really loud.

Hey, folks.

Madhouse Radio is on the air once again, returning triumphantly.

We've been missing for seven days.

Seven days.

No Madhouse.

Now Madhouse is back.

And we did that also.

Hey, here with me via satellite link up tonight, of course, as always, is none other than Milkman.

Milkman, what's up?

How you doing?

Man, we are ready to get gay.

We are ready to get gay.

All right, and Jen.

Jen Stewart.

You sound very good

Welcome back

I'm sorry about the Hitler stuff

I always do it to you

And I know you take great offense to that

You know it's alright

It's alright

You take one for the team

I appreciate it

That's it

No Will here right now

Will is not available yet

I don't know if he's coming over

If he will he will call

And I will update you about that

I'm sure you're all worried about Will.

Don't worry about Will, because where there's a Will, there is a way.

All right.

So here we are.

March the 22nd of the year 2007.

And there's nothing to talk about in the news.

There are rumors that Tony Danza died.

Is that correct?

I hear people talk.

I don't see anything related to that.

What's your source about that, Milkman?

Yeah, I heard about that, but I don't know if that's true.

Milkman.

If I've heard also, I haven't confirmed it, but they're saying maybe it was alcohol poisoning.

I didn't think Tony Danza drank alcohol that much.

I didn't see him as an alcoholic, you know?

Poor guy.

That's sad.

Tony Danza from Who's the Boss.

I tried to look up a news report about it happening.

I didn't see anything about Tony Danza dying.

I thought I would have heard about that.

So we're not going to break news about that yet.

We're holding it off until we get a few confirmations.

If you know of a website.

Break some wind out of that.

Yeah, we'll break some wind.

Exactly.

But if you can send us some proof out there, news-wise,

that Tony Danza indeed died this week of alcohol poisoning, let us know.

And we'll be the first to let you know here on PC.

So we'll let you know there.

Other than that, Sanjaya, my friend Mike says, made it to the top ten in American Idol.

I don't know because I haven't watched American Idol in about four years.

So there you go.

But I've heard the story.

I know the Howard Stern Show has been behind him getting voted on or something like that.

I don't know.

If you know about that, you tell me.

I know that Jin doesn't know about that because he's in Britain,

and Milkman doesn't watch American Idol, so...

Right.

So whatever.

There we are.

What's that?

Exactly.

You have Pop Idol, don't you, Jin?

Is that as big a deal as American Idol is here in America?

I'm not really sure because, like I say, I don't really watch TV,

but they had something called The X Factor.

That was pretty big.

What's going on here, Jay?

You don't eat candy.

You don't watch TV.

You don't say white power.

What do you...

You gotta have some kind of angle here, man.

What's going on?

I'm sorry.

I guess I'm just a...

I'm a bit weird, you know?

Aw, man.

Are you into balloons?

Sexual balloons?

Um, no, I don't like balloons.

No.

Not unless they're filled with helium, because they make your voice sound funny.

Oh, yeah.

You know you can get high that way, too.

Watch out with that.

Be very careful.

I've never tried it.

You can get killed.

I never got high when I tried it.

Oh, shit.

Well, I'd know if you had a high.

So, yeah, indeed, Jin is, like I said, a cyclist and a vegetarian

and a member of the Labour Party, the new Labour Party.

So there we are.

I fucking hate politics, put it that way.

I do not believe in compulsory government.

He doesn't vote either, guys.

What a horrible, horrible example here of a NATO ally is Jin.

He doesn't even eat candy.

Do you eat pork, at least?

Do you eat pork?

Yeah, I eat pork, I eat beef.

vegetarian for god's sake we got that going for you all right so milkman what's been going on

with your week kind of milkman what do you report sir come back come back you broke up there i said

what do you report what's going on with you friend oh man everything's been great man it's

been a wonderful day today it was a balmy 88 degrees out today busting out all kinds of pcs

man we're gonna go kick out on the beach this weekend man what do you say man why don't we go

uh snorkeling man and took us up some lobsters grill them out around the beach what do you think

i don't like salt water but that's okay i like the fish and i'll have to be on a boat but i'm

not getting in the water i'll tell you what you know i'll tell you what right now man here here

here in florida we've got some problems we've got problems here in florida it's so dry out there

we haven't really gotten any good rain all we get is like an afternoon we'll get like an

afternoon or or early evening drizzle with a little bit of lightning and it's not enough

rain to get things wet but it's uh enough lightning to start little forest fires here and

there i know that yeah yeah so i mean what what ends up happening what ends up happening you get

a lightning strike in the woods and it starts a fire you know and and that's great so you know

every time you ride home you know you're smelling burning fire burning trees and stuff it's not a

good feeling so yeah we're gonna yeah we're gonna be burning here pretty soon so watch out uh i'll

be headed over to london soon jen get ready i'm moving in prepare yourself i'm ready for you man

you're welcome to come by here anytime you got a house i checked out tony danza it appears he is

still alive awesome awesome so he is not dead tony danza is you've confirmed with him he's okay

he's a good friend of the show you know fake rumors all right we'll get breaking news here

We'd like to announce, according to our sources here,

the BBC is reporting that Tony Danza is very much alive,

and we're very happy about that.

We're good.

It's great news.

Tony Danza lives another day.

Excellent.

Okay, so...

Green Reaper passes him by.

Anything else we can talk about here real quick?

I don't know.

Any anniversaries?

Anybody out there having a birthday?

Not that I know of.

All right, so we're moving on.

I got a new website for anybody who wants to check it out.

All right.

I mean, it might be a bit early in the show, but hey.

Hell no.

If you want to check it out, you ever get bored?

You really got ginsteward.com?

That's awesome.

Yes, I did.

I got ginsteward.com.

KDK gave me the hosting, and I guess I just set it up, 10 minutes, and that was it.

Wow.

Ginsteward.com hosting provided by KDKprankcalls.com.

KDK as in kill, death, kill.

KDKprankcalls.com.

That's awesome.

Big time, baby.

Yeah, that's something, man.

Awesome.

So you're going to have your pranks up there?

What you got going on over there?

My pranks are already up there.

I'm just going to upload the shows, and then everything will be on.

Good.

So you're going to have a blog on there, too?

You're going to be sharing any information?

Yeah, it's got a link to my blogger, my Google blogger,

and I use that basically to update people who are interested in my pranks.

Awesome, man.

Good deal, man.

Good on you.

That's awesome.

We were supposed to be on.

Yeah, thanks, man.

I was going to announce, but we're having technical difficulties with them,

but we were going to be featured for the very first time.

at TalkShoe.com

TalkShoe

T-A-L-K-S-H-O-E

dot com. We are scheduled to be on there

tonight at this time. They are having technical

difficulties and we have not actually

I have not been able to connect to them.

So for the time being we're not

on there but later on hopefully tonight we will

be on live on

TalkShoe.com and that's

awesome. Welcome to the family. Hopefully

they'll make it on soon.

And

yeah that's right the Madhouse Radio Network we

We consist of PrankCallRadio.com, PCR, PrankCallRadio.com carrying us.

What's up?

Dr. Lego and the Oak, congratulations for being with us.

Yo, yo, yo.

Congratulations that I give you the honor of having me.

And then, of course, PrankCallUndergroundRadio, PCRadio.com,

and what's up to KDKTED and all those kids out there.

Thank you for being on with us.

Yeah, bye-bye.

And, of course, none other than MadHouseLive.com.

98.6.

Oh, my.

That's right.

The best place to hear their show is at MadHouseLive.com.

Check out our podcast.

Check out the live links, the players, the old pranks, the old episodes, all that jazz is over there.

MadHouseLive.com.

Get on it, man.

Get on it.

Tell your woman to get on top of you and get on it.

And that I told you to do it.

MadHouseLive.com, bye-bye.

That's right, Milkman.

Very well put.

What else can I say here if you want to get a hold of me?

MadHouse Radio.

Yeah, MadHouse Radio.

Is that my AOL?

AOL, why do I always mess this up, Milkman?

Where's my list?

It's supposed to have my list for me.

There you go.

You see?

That's right.

And you can do request a prank from the site.

That's right.

Request a prank at the top.

Let's go HTTP to our site.

100% free.

We have two prank call requests this week from the prank call request email bag to get you.

Remind me of that, Milkman.

Also, if you want to hit us up on AOL Instant Messenger, indeed it is.

Madhouse Radio is the screen name.

Madhouse Radio.

Yahoo Messenger, Madhouse Radio Online.

Again, Yahoo Messenger users, Madhouse Radio Online.

And if you're tuning in to us and you happen to be signed in to MSN Messenger,

that's going to be Madhouse Live at Hotmail.com.

Madhouse Live at Hotmail.com.

I have so many Messenger names here.

I've got old ones and new ones and ones that are secret and all that.

So, yeah.

And if you're an AOL Messenger, also TheMouth986Live.

The Mouth 986 Live.

That's confusing.

Don't worry about that one.

Get a hold of us.

Regardless, the toll-free line is open.

Hey, if you really want to find out the URL, just listen to our old show, The Mouth episode.

It's famous.

Yes.

And you'll understand what we're talking about and how silly it was.

That was a different time.

That's back when Mad Men was on the show back then, man.

Imagine that.

Wow.

That's something.

I don't know.

Yeah.

But if you want to call us toll-free here, anywhere in the United States and Canada,

The toll-free line is 888-278-8509.

Again, the toll-free line here tonight will be 1-888-278-8509.

Other than that, we've got to...

That's right.

You've got the time.

We've got the dime.

Hell, yeah.

Toll-free lines are good, man.

Toll-free lines are good.

For those of you out there who want to send a prank call request,

you can also do so at the email address, worst comes to worst,

madhouseradio at gmail.com,

or just hit us up in the chat room.

If you want to hit us up in the chat room,

you have to go to madhouselive.com

and follow the instructions there.

That's all I'll tell you.

We've got a ton of numbers here

incoming from Lonesome Loser himself.

Lonesome Loser, Storm Shadow,

Hardest Working Man.

The Hardest Working Man in PC

is Lonesome Loser.

And boy ever has he sent in numbers.

We've got a number in Dublin, Ireland

for Michael and Julie McClure.

let's see we've got a gas station that an indian guy answered well that's something huh we get

oh look at this tough guy bowling lanes tough guy bowling lanes in idaho uh we got the castle

hotel in england we've got butt design ltd in new zealand we've never called new zealand before man

how about that that would be that would be that would be way down on that that would be a first

time that would be a first time that's awesome so uh we're definitely have to gonna we're gonna

going to have to call new zealand but design uh limited i guess is that what ltd stands for

kiwis is that what they call themselves yeah limited is ltd ltd what what makes a business

limited may i ask anything special um you have to register it i don't know how

limited of course limited liability they have limited liability and then an incorporation

it has is no liability whatsoever the people themselves aren't liable just the corporation

itself i know that i know that from economics man come on don't fuck with me i know what i'm

talking about um i'm about to make a great announcement here that we're almost live on

talk show it's launching right now doing business as dba that's right that's just a one person right

and if you're busy hey there is a birthday on the list a birthday on the list hit us up with

the birthday yes all right big shout out to my my little buddy the young man at johnny happy

Happy birthday, young man.

All right.

He got all his own report card.

Who's this?

Who's this now?

A Johnny.

A Johnny?

The hell are you talking about?

Yeah.

All right, whatever.

Okay, look.

Yeah, that's my young buddy.

Look, guys, we got to move on with prank calls.

If people get restless, they'll kick me off the air and I'll never be invited again.

I'm the guy with the best.

All right.

You guys ready?

Who should I call?

Oh, hell yeah.

I'm ready.

Who should I call?

Should I call that New Zealand?

And your hand goes in the hat.

Cool.

But design limited.

Or the Irish guy.

The Irish guy, okay.

All right, we'll call the McClure family here.

Just one moment, folks.

We're going to be right back with the first prank call of the night.

Oh, I know an asshole, McClure.

There it is.

Let's see if they live up to their name.

Hello?

Hello, madam, how are you?

Madam.

You're not a madam.

You're certain of this?

I'm looking for Madam Julie.

Is she there?

I don't give a shit what time it is.

I want to talk to Julie Cakes.

Who's this?

That's all we get.

Please enter your destination number now.

Oh, that was fun.

Boy, oh boy.

We're going to call New Zealand where it's 1.30 p.m., is it not?

Is that the deal?

Oh, they're really friendly people in New Zealand.

You'll love them.

That's sarcasm or is that for real?

No, no, that's for real.

I know that there's really nice people over there.

Okay.

They're great people, man.

Okay.

New Zealand it is.

Hang on, folks.

I've got several of the listings actually on my list from there.

All right.

This is Butt Design Limited.

If the ironic thing up there, sir.

Yeah.

You, what's up?

Yo, what's up? What's up, kid? How you doing?

Yo, who's this?

No, what's your name, kid?

What the fuck?

They're going to speak proper English to these people?

design group carry speaking carry yeah hello sir did you just hang up with my brother did you just

hang up on my brother sir probably why would you do something like that he's got a lot of money

you never heard of eddie garcia um no i'm gonna sign now for you whatever you said man hey enter

your okay you know what now i'm really upset with these people you have 32 minutes 18 seconds

before applicable service fees.

Kerry.

Yeah.

Eddie Garcia is a goddamn hero to the free world,

and that includes you, you New Zealand sir.

So, listen up.

When I put him on the line, you're going to take his order.

Do you understand me?

What's it regarding?

Well, first of all,

Eddie Garcia single-handedly saved the free world back in World War II.

You understand?

Yeah.

What do you want me to do?

He's trying to get something designed.

I don't know.

I'm his handler.

You understand?

All right.

I'm putting him on.

Are you ready, sir?

Are you ready to receive him?

Hello.

Yep.

All right.

Hello.

Yo, what's up?

Yo, it's Eddie Garcia.

Yo, you know who I am?

Uh, yep.

All right, well, check it out, man.

I need to order an ass.

Because you guys, you're Bud Design, right?

Yeah.

I want the biggest black ass you can make me, man.

And I want to wear it, though.

Yeah.

Yeah, I might.

No, man.

Give me the black ass, man.

Please enter your destination number.

All right, we'll leave him alone.

We'll leave him alone now.

That was stupid.

That was funny, but he hung up.

That was stupid and juvenile.

That was great.

Big black ass.

That was stupid and juvenile.

I hope your kids enjoyed that.

That goes out to the neck.

The neck out there.

Good for you.

As I drink my diet Sprite and look for my lighter,

I guess I should open the toll-free line.

I guess it's time.

Let people call in.

I don't see why not.

You got a big stogie fired up there or not?

I sure do.

As a matter of fact, that is what I'm going to light here.

So you're going to have to actually take the reins for a little bit here, if you don't mind,

and tell people how to call us here toll-free while I enable the toll-free line and light my cigar, sir.

Go ahead now.

It's okay.

Everybody going to call in now.

888-278-8509.

That's it?

You got the time or we got the time.

We can't be afraid to talk.

You know, Jin's going to slowly start replacing you, Milkman, here.

And may I say, Jin?

No, I don't think I'd be better than him.

You know, when I'm on other people's shows, it seems that I'm all right.

But when I'm on my own show, I just can't hack it.

I hear that, man.

Your show, though, is great.

I look forward to listening to your show.

I look forward to listening to it the last two weeks.

No, I really enjoy it, man.

It makes my Sunday.

I tell you what.

I really enjoy it, man.

Keep doing what you're doing.

It's good stuff.

You're getting better.

I will keep doing that.

A little bit of that.

Yeah.

And it was actually fun.

Thank you for having me on last week, man.

It was fun to be on the air there.

I was a little out of it.

Hey, man, you're more than welcome, you know.

If I'm welcome on your show, you can come to mine.

Hell, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Brotherhood, man.

Brotherhood is all it takes.

Right.

All right, man.

Ooh, we got a number in Tasmania, Australia.

We've got the Stanley Cool Stores.

Storage.

I don't get that.

Stanley Cool.

Take those Aussie numbers, man.

I'll call in.

You want the Aussie numbers?

We got an unbelievable amount of numbers here.

Lonesome Losers is really coming in lately.

I appreciate it, man.

Very well done.

Yeah, Lonesome Losers.

He's a great guy.

I'll call in later towards the end of the show, and we can call Australia.

That would be awesome.

That's right.

Well, again, the toll-free line is open, 888-278-8509.

Just a pimp game entertainment Atlanta.

Imagine that.

Of all places, that's going to be in Atlanta.

I wanted to peg that one.

one um i'm gonna call uh i'm gonna i'm gonna be silly here i'm gonna call the number no she got

out of the business she told me not to call her back remember that she said she did her yeah she

that was a while while ago so hey that's who we need to call we need to call fuck you bitch

motherfucker guy man how about that yeah that's right do we got his number yet yeah let me see

if i got that here on the line and hook him up the same time with sam you gin's buddy yeah hey

Hey, hell yeah.

Here we go.

Right in front of me, right here.

Here it is.

That would be an ultimate right there.

Hang on, we have a...

I was calling back Aaron.

Now I'm going to call the police.

We have a special caller.

Hang on.

Never mind.

We don't have a special caller.

A special caller hung up.

All right, we're going to call the Dunkin' Donuts,

a.k.a. Sam the Donut Man,

featured here heavily on Madhouse Radio.

We haven't talked to him in a while.

But he is an angry Arab gentleman.

And I'm going to have to find a song to play for him.

Hang on here.

Oh, nice.

You got the ass hat in it?

If you had anything to me, I would kill you in my bed.

There you go.

Hey, we might need you to call back in with that.

I don't know if I can call in with it because I'd be on my landline.

All right.

Oh, shit.

You could play me playing to the soundboard, man.

Send me the soundboard.

That's right.

I'll talk and have you do the soundboard.

I'll send you the soundboard.

Yeah, hold on a second.

We'll be right back.

Hello, sir.

Hello.

Hello, hey, I have a question.

Do you have a Krispy Kreme Donuts, man?

No.

Why not?

Why don't you have...

Where's the Krispy Kreme Donuts, man?

They have...

I got a line now.

Can I call back in five minutes?

Are you sure?

If you could talk to me in five minutes?

Yeah, please.

Do you know of Krispy Kreme Donuts?

Yeah, thank you.

Are you interested?

All right, five minutes, everybody.

Five minutes, we're calling him back.

You heard him.

He promised me.

All right.

You can call me back in five minutes.

He goes, we've never carried the Krispy Kreme Donuts.

Really?

Really? You never care, Krispy Kreme Donuts there.

Jesus.

Will announcing here that he cannot make it tonight.

Will will not make it tonight, everybody.

Aw, man.

Free Willy.

Free Willy, everybody.

Free him right up his ass.

He wants freedom.

Whatever.

So we move on.

We move on with the show.

Any more news to talk about here?

Anything else happen in the last five minutes?

Shit, let me just check Wikipedia.

Hold on.

Wikipedia.

Probably nothing.

Nothing interesting ever happens here in this world.

Not in my house.

Not on my show.

Hang on, everybody.

Just one moment here.

I'm trying to...

What was that?

There's a mining disaster in Russia.

Said to be the worst mining incident in a decade.

The Pakistani cricket team...

Oh, sorry.

The coach of the Pakistani cricket team, Bob Woolmer, is believed to be murdered.

That's not a real sport.

Who cares?

And that's pretty much the biggest news today.

Wow, that's it?

That's something.

Yeah, that's it.

I've got some breaking news.

Breaking news from Milkman.

Watch out.

Milkman's got the news.

Yes.

Are you ready for this?

No.

Nunu fancies a bum.

Is that it?

That's all you had to say.

Nunu fancies a bum.

Nunu fancies a bum, whatever that means.

Most of our listeners don't know what the hell you're talking about, but that's fine.

Yeah.

Everybody knows it knows.

This just in, British people are gay.

Oops, sorry.

I totally agree.

You're German, actually, so that's okay.

That's the point.

I can say anything I like about the British.

Is that my phone ringing?

Hang on, folks.

That is your phone.

Welcome to the mouth.

Chris, man.

Hello.

Chris?

Yeah, yeah, speaking.

What's going on?

Let me speak with Chris.

Who?

Chris.

Chris?

He's a little busy right now.

Who's this?

I must have the wrong number.

No, no, no.

Chris is here.

I'm saying, who's this?

No, I don't want Chris.

Chris who?

I don't want Chris, man.

Well, who do you need?

Oh, you got to tell me first.

You're calling my house.

This is my church.

I'm not playing games with you, young man.

Hey, don't play games with me, young sir.

I've got this number traced.

I know your address and your social security number.

Well, come here, then.

Well, maybe I will.

No, not maybe.

You do this.

Come right now.

I'll come right now, too.

You ready?

Sir.

What's your address?

I thought you had it.

I do, but I don't give it out over the phone.

It's not safe.

You're a stranger.

All right, now you're just playing games like a stupid cord on the cot.

No, you're being sick.

You're being sick.

But remember, you're calling my house.

Now you're being corn on the cob, man.

Yeah?

I'm being corn on the cob.

Corn on the cob.

All right.

So how's the English for beginners working for you, sir?

Corn on the cob?

What is this?

That's what you...

What are you talking about, corn on the cob?

Corn on the cob.

What the...

Corn on the cob.

You stupid immigrant.

Get off my phone.

I command you to hang up the phone.

Hey.

Hey, listen here.

I said, I command you.

Hey, you listen right here, buddy.

Go ahead.

You tell me how it's going to be, sir.

Don't play.

been waiting. Yeah. Yeah. And that's it. You kind of wasted it. It's super. I'm feeling a little,

you know, a little queasiness. Yeah. That's fine. I just ate a bunch of cornstarch. Well,

that is a fun time. Yeah. Cornstarch is fun. Fun. Good. All right, brother, man. We'll say

hi to all your fans real quick. I got to go. Not that. Not that. Yes, it is. That's not what

I'm saying, man. Okay. Well, I got to go still. You're kind of creeping me out, buddy. All right.

Because you're going to hang up first. Yeah. Watch. Okay. Well, hey, thank you very much

for calling in creepy man don't do it you have a good night don't do it it's done it's done milk

man can we get a review on that can we do it do it all right here we go rewind and now we're

rewinding it hang on okay all sounds point to yes man i gotta i gotta let you go you have a good

night though sir thank you for calling in all right what the fuck you need to shut the fuck

up i don't know what the hell that guy's problem was like i was sick and perverted

did you hear him what the hell was his problem he's sick no no what is chris what is chris don't

be nervous you know i'm not chris i'm carlito starts with the c but it's not the same what the

fuck was that i was saying is that that duncan donuts guy it's supposed to be five minutes

i'll call him back is it five minutes already it's been five minutes yeah yeah yeah man yeah

man all right hang on give me a second here i'm trying to fix something else i got something not

working here again give me a second we're gonna call uh we're gonna call sam the donut man back

in a second hang on folks i

I just think he's not answering anymore.

So that's it from Crazy Fucker.

Not Crazy Fucker.

Fuck you, bitch motherfucker, rather.

We have the weirdest names for our celebrities on this show.

Crazy Fucker.

Yeah, right.

Continuing on, more numbers to call.

If you want to call in, the toll-free line is now open.

Again, the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

Again, 1-888-278-8509.

Any ideas, Milkman?

I don't think I have any more New Zealand numbers here.

I got that Playboy Lounge.

I do got a lot of them.

Actually, let me see this here.

Tasmania, Australia.

I've got Fame Karaoke.

I'm going to try to give them a call here in just a moment, folks, okay?

Hang on.

Fame Karaoke coming right up on the mound.

You want me to call in?

In a second, in a second.

I'm so stupid, I hate this part.

Hi.

You're very exciting, karaoke and DJ.

We're calling the CM Garden Restaurant.

Stick to domestic numbers?

Sounds like your card's running low.

Hello?

Hey, what's up?

A.D., how are you?

you. Lady. What? I said lady. Are you a woman or you're not? Ma'am. What can I do for you?

What address am I? What? 81A Bathurst Street. What's 81A Bathurst Street? That's me. It's

yours? Yeah. That's what it says here in the paper. You won the paper? Yeah, I won the

paper. Yes, that's very good. Very good, ma'am. What's on the paper? Yeah, what's the number

69? I don't know. I'm very busy. I'm trying to make an order, you stupid shit. You want

want to order what number 69 we haven't got number 69 um i i know i'm talking to you number two

hello hello can i order a number two what's that number two number two meal number two what's the

number two i don't know number two what i don't know what's the number two general so chicken i

don't know you tell me what you have i want some food i'm down the street i want some food making

you an order what's good there you want uh you want the food yes what the hell do you think i

Phone number is overseas.

I know. I'm a tourist. I'm American. I have money. American money. You understand?

Um, we close already.

You know, how do you close already? It's 5 o'clock.

We close at 2 o'clock.

I thought you just said you're busy.

No. I'm working. I'm still working. I live here.

You're a liar. Let me talk to your manager.

The manager's not here.

Who's this?

I'm not lying.

What do you do?

I'm not telling lies. You tell lies.

You stupid woman. Put on your manager.

I don't know.

Put a man on the phone.

No manual on the phone.

Are you washing your hands?

You all ready?

Are you washing your hands?

It's a privacy.

You know me, ask something, okay?

You want privacy with me?

Me and you in the bathroom?

You're crazy.

You listen to me, you motherfucking bitch.

You fucking Asians are not going to get away with it.

You understand?

I don't think I told her.

She's gone.

You're crazy.

You've got to save that.

We've got to isolate that little bit there.

You're crazy.

Geez.

I think she's crazy.

I like your accent.

God damn it.

I just won a number 69.

What the hell's the problem with her?

Rude bitch.

Keep an eye on that card, man.

Is that our last card?

I think it was a $10 card, but I don't know if you're using it or not.

Man.

Same card I sent last week.

That is the same one from last week, homo.

Jonathan, what's up?

How you doing?

What's up, Carly, though?

I'm not good.

What's wrong?

I don't know.

I didn't get a chance to eat dinner, and I'm hungry.

It sucks.

If you get a break-in, I'll eat you something real quick.

I might.

I got a Publix sub next to me.

You got a Publix there in your part of Florida?

Oh, yeah.

Got the best fried chicken in the South, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, and the best sub you can get is a Publix sub, man.

I don't care where you're from, but that's what I say.

There should be a Publix in every state in the Union, huh?

Yeah, I don't like their subs, but I don't like nothing home to mine.

Nothing?

What do you mean, just meat and cheese?

Yeah, I don't eat any mustard or anything like that.

I get mustard mayo. I get onion, black olive, and salt and pepper. That's it.

I'm pretty plain. I don't like lettuce. I hate tomato. I hate tomatoes.

I hate cold or hot. I hate red sauce in my spaghetti.

I like all Alfredo sauce. I'd rather have a pizza with a white sauce, you know?

White pizza.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like that at all.

But, yeah. So, what do you think of the show so far?

The show so far. What do you think about the show so far, man?

Did you hear the last prank call?

Uh, yeah, I heard it. That was a good call.

Thank you, man. Thank you.

And why didn't you call me when you came down? What happened over the weekend?

Uh, yeah, I got tied up in some things, uh...

Uh, yeah. What'd you come down with, the old lady?

I'm gonna meet her up there.

Oh, she lives down here?

Yeah.

Oh, okay. So that's what's going on. You get a little too busy when you're down here, huh?

Yep, I spend my time at Universal or SeaWorld.

Are you going to CityWalk or are you just going to the studios?

I go to both.

You go to CityWalk? Seriously?

Seriously? Wow.

Well, the next time you go to Universal, you let me know,

and we'll meet up there, and I'll buy you a drink, all right?

I'll get you a pina colada at Latin Quarter. How's that sound?

Yeah, that sounds like a deal.

I'll get you a margarita at Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville.

Hey, I'm always up for that.

I'll get you a malt liquor at the Motown Cafe.

There we go, man.

All right, brother.

Well, now's your chance to say hi to all your fans.

I'd like to say hello to all my friends and fans and listeners,

and I hope you have a swell weekend.

All right, Jonathan, you have a good week, sir.

Thank you for checking in, as always.

God bless you.

All right.

You know, you two doubt me, but I say you cannot do a show without Jonathan.

It's just you can't do it.

I don't disagree.

You always need somebody.

Yeah, I mean, if I couldn't have Jonathan on the show every week,

Jonathan is a member of the show, man, you know?

Jonathan is a member of this show.

He's a loyal listener.

We've got to watch out when we say that, man.

Jonathan, he's like, hey, man, why don't I join in the show?

like uh no yeah yeah you're joining the we're working on it we're telling him for a while

that lego went didn't want him to be on the show that's funny i gotta say this story jonathan kept

saying when he's gonna be on the show so we're like yeah lego said no one else is allowed on

our show so jonathan goes to lego lego has no idea what we're talking about about this whole

thing jonathan messages lego yeah carlito says that i need to go through you if i want to be

on his show.

Leggo's like,

yeah, whatever.

So then Leggo calls me.

He's like,

yeah,

Jonathan's messaging me

like all day nonstop

about you joining

the Madhouse.

What's this all about?

Like, I don't know.

I just told him

to talk to you

and he was cracking up.

It was real funny.

Poor Jonathan.

I feel bad.

Jonathan's a good guy.

Yeah.

KDK.

KDK is a big fan

of Jonathan,

I understand.

I'm led to believe.

Hang on, folks.

You're on the air.

Hello?

What's going on?

Who's this?

Uh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, turn your ear around.

Hi.

Alright, what's that? That sounds like that Mr. Microphone shit from back in the 80s.

Seriously, how'd you do that? I'm trying to get some shit like that for my show.

It's a VST plug-in. You can use it with Cubase or FL Studio or a bunch of other software.

Yeah, it's all French. Is that all Mac stuff or something?

No, it's PC stuff, I guess.

Alright, cool.

That's pretty cool.

Oh shit, that sounded like a Young Jeezy song there for a second or something like that.

Or like Busy Bone for a second.

So that's how they do it.

That's cool.

So it's just like a voice modulator that you have.

You've got that connected to your computer?

Is that how it works?

Yeah, yeah.

That's right.

You kind of use the scale you want to play in.

Yeah.

And you just sing.

And it does the work for you.

Cool.

That's what Shure uses.

Oh yeah.

Are you a long time listener to this show?

Do I know who you are?

No, no.

It's my first time.

Yeah?

Someone recommended this show for the first time.

Good deal.

I'm excited to call.

Good deal.

Well, we're trying to do a good job tonight.

We're doing okay.

What are your thoughts on it as a first-time listener?

It's pretty funny, man.

I love prank calls.

Oh, yeah.

We do them live here.

You got anybody you want prank called?

I don't know any numbers.

That's fine.

No pressure, but it's always good talking to a new listener, man.

Tell all your friends.

Yeah, yeah.

We're trying to survive.

They keep trying to cancel us every month, man.

Oh, no.

They can't do that.

Well, they keep trying.

This guy, Dr. Lego.

Lego, he's my nemesis, and he keeps trying to pull the plug on my show.

We try everything.

We try everything we can, man.

So if you can, let your friends know.

We don't need any money.

We just need people to listen.

All right, man.

I'll spread the word.

All right.

Go to the website, madhouselive.com.

For sure.

What's your name?

Do you want to be known by any name?

Do you have a secret name?

I'll keep my name confidential right now.

All right.

But you can call me Musical LSD.

Musical LSD.

That's a beautiful statement, man.

All right.

God bless you, brother.

All right, you too, man.

Thanks for calling in, man.

No problem.

Later.

That's some cool effects he was doing, though.

What was that all about, though?

Yeah, he sounded just like, I don't know.

Yeah, that was awesome.

Shit, I need that.

Yeah, it was like, I don't know.

I can't reproduce it.

It's just impossible.

I love what you said about Lego.

That's crazy.

Yeah, Lego is trying to pull us off the air all the time, man.

He's always nefarious, and he's my arch nemesis.

But he needs me just like I need him.

I need each other.

We all need each other, all here as a family, all us.

us together here doing what is right speaking of which it is right to take another call people

really love talking to us now you know we should never get callers like this madhouse radio you're

on the air carlito who is this skp man what's up what's up how you doing everything's cool

right everything's cool getting jiggy with it down here in uh st croix no no no no no no what's

going on with you man you guys are still getting jiggy with it down in st croix huh hell yeah man

you know we're like always late for that shit so we're still getting jiggy with it what's the

That's the point of being on time, huh?

So you're a friend of Milkman's then, eh?

Yeah, man.

That's my boy.

That's cool.

Does he tell you what to do?

Or do you tell him what to do?

No, he tells me what to do.

Oh, you see Milkman.

This is one of your slaves.

Awesome.

I'm just playing.

He's laughing.

You can't hear him, but he's laughing, man.

He's laughing.

So is this the first time you listen to the show?

Have you called him?

You haven't called him before, have you?

I called him once.

A while ago, right?

A few weeks ago?

Yeah, this was way back.

But yeah, I listen to you guys all the time.

That's good, man. That's good to know.

What's going on in the Virgin Islands? How are things?

Everything's cool.

Yeah?

Yeah. I'm here all in the middle of Plaza Shopping Center to go into a bar or something.

Oh, sweet. All right, man.

That's cool. What do you want to drink? What do you drink? Beer?

No, no. I drink like rum and shit.

Oh, yeah. That's good. Cruisin' rum? That's good rum right there.

Oh, you know about the Cruisin' rum?

Oh, yeah. I bought a ton of it, actually, on my cruise out there.

Player, player.

I stayed in St. Thomas for nine.

I actually bought a whole ton of cruising rum.

For nine bucks a bottle was something really cheap.

That's what I drank for the rest of the cruise.

I got sick as hell.

But hey, whatever.

You need to drink dark rum, dude.

Dark rum.

It has too much sugar.

Yeah, I can't.

I don't like dark rum.

It's got that bite to it.

It's just like Captain Morgan.

I got real sick on Captain Morgan once and forget it after that.

Yeah, but I'm more of a gin drinker now, to be honest with you.

I stopped rum.

No rum?

No, I'm Puerto Rican.

I just drank so much of it, you know.

It's just coming out of my ears, so I stick to gin now.

To be honest with you, I don't drink.

I'm not even a drinker anymore.

Maybe I have one drink a week.

Honestly, that's it.

One drink a week.

Right.

Oh, okay.

You're lightweight, man.

I am.

Well, I don't get drunk, but it's good for the heart.

Yeah, definitely.

You know, you got to keep the insides lubed up with alcohol.

All right, man.

So you guys, who do I prank call on the night?

You want to do a prank call?

Yeah, man.

I'm ready.

Hell, yeah.

Look at that, Milkman, bringing in the new talent here.

You got a, what do you call them, a gas station or something like that?

A gas station.

Let me see if I have one in America here, because we're running out of international minutes here.

Milkman, we don't have another phone card in case we run out here?

We don't have a backup?

Man, that's the card, right?

That's a $10 card, bro, and I didn't know it was so low, man.

Yeah, we're down to a dollar on that thing.

Drink it fast.

Yeah, those international calls, dude.

Drink it fast, Milkman.

That's right.

I've got a Hooters here in America.

Hang on, I'm looking for a gas station.

Uh, I've got, uh, I've got, uh, a massage place in Alaska.

Seriously?

Massage place.

Uh, let's see.

Outdoor Creations in Alaska.

We got, uh, the Blues Bar, a lounge, a casino in California, a liquor store, a general

store in Compton.

Here we go.

There we go.

An Arab guy answered.

Yeah, there we go.

We got a few liquor stores, too.

I think we can make something out of this.

All right, good.

We got a plan.

All right, man.

You hang on.

All right.

Everybody else hang on.

We'll be right back.

Hello?

Uh, hello?

Hello?

Yeah, what's up going on?

man. Can you hear me? Yeah. Yeah, what's going on? Okay. I'm trying to set up this

party we're having over here, right? And I only need a couple things, but I want to make

sure you got it before I come all the way over there and you ain't got what I need,

you know what I'm saying? Wait, what? Dude, are you listening to me, man? I'm telling

you, I'm having a party, and I want to make sure you have everything I need before I go

all the way down there and you ain't got what I need. So I want to run off a couple

things to make sure. Is that straight? No, what do you want? Alright man, I want. Okay. You got Johnny Walker Black? You call the liquor store. You call the liquor store. Yeah, I know. I'm trying to get something to drink here, man. Y'all are like acting like I'm a fool or something. What's up with that, man? You got Johnny Walker Black? No. You got no Johnny Walker? Yeah, Johnny Walker. Hello? Let me see. Johnny Walker. Johnny Walker. That's some good shit right there, man. You ain't got it. No. You ain't got it? No. Okay, you got hypnotic? Yep. Okay, you got how much of your

your hypnotic. What size? The biggest size you got. $24.99. Damn, $24. How big is that?

What liter? Yeah. How many people y'all got working over there? Five. Five people? In

a liquor store, you need five people? Mm-hmm. Okay, bye. What a jackass. I like that idea

though. Hang on, let me, I got another one here. Any second now, we'll be able to dial

that. Milkman, I think we're down to like 50 cents on that phone card, man. Not good.

You have numbers and we're coming in this time.

Yeah, I know.

What's going on, man?

You're not a man.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, yes, how can I help you?

My bad, my bad.

I'm tripping.

How you doing?

No problem.

How can I help you?

I'm trying to get a party going, and I want to order a couple things.

I want to make sure you got it before I go all the way over there and you ain't got it.

You know what I'm saying?

Well, you'll have to call the Speaker George in the morning.

But I'm about to set it off, like, right now.

Can I just run off a couple things?

Yeah, Jairus, can I help you?

Hello?

Yeah, can I help you?

Yeah, I'm having a party, and I'm trying to pop it off,

and I just want to make sure you guys got everything I need before I go on over there and you ain't got it.

You're having a party when?

Tonight.

Tonight?

Yeah, man, I can't tell you what you got on the phone over there.

You want to buy something, you have to come in.

I can't ask a question over the phone?

No, you don't understand.

I got requests.

People want hypnotic.

People want Johnny Walker.

And if I go down there and you ain't got it, that's a wasted trip, you know what I'm saying?

Well, okay.

Well, if I was you, we might not have it all.

You want to take a chance and come.

Okay.

Can I?

Right.

Okay.

Can I come up a couple of things?

Aw.

Damn.

These people ain't biting.

They ain't got no love for all these people.

All right, hang on.

I'm taking this one.

We're calling them back.

How many minutes was that?

28.

Jerry.

Hey, how you doing?

Good.

Hey, do you guys have a cosmopolitan mix there?

Nope.

I don't know what you're talking about.

What kind of mix is you got, you stupid woman?

She doesn't.

God damn it.

I'm going to call and request to speak to Jerry.

Hang on.

Give me a second.

at any minute now.

I wish there was a way

that I could just make it

one that takes me

from here.

Here we go.

You have 27 minutes

before applicable service fee.

How dare your wife

hang up on me?

Man, what the fuck

do you want, man?

How dare you?

You people.

What the fuck do you want?

You people hang up the phone.

Huh?

You don't turn off

your cell phones

when you go to the movie theater.

You talk in the movie theater.

You black people.

Well, you kiss my

motherfucking ass.

Yeah, well, you know what?

That's too much

That guy's funny

You gotta

Threat lick

And isolate it later

Yeah

Enter your

Destination number

Jerry's is a trip

Hang on

Let me

I'm gonna call the

What do we got here

The Hooters Las Vegas Casino

If I still have time

I think I took too long

To dial it

Alright man

I'm gonna let you go

Alright man

Thanks for calling in man

It's good having you on the air

Peace

What's that cat's name again?

KC, KJ, JK, JD, JD Armstrong.

So seriously, you don't have another phone card.

Seriously, Milkman, is that the deal?

It was a $10 card, man.

I didn't know it went down because of the international.

Yeah, because last week we did nothing but international calls, man.

That's right.

You kind of caught me off guard there.

I didn't think it would be gone that quick.

Lonesome Loser says that he has an international card, but he just tested it,

and it doesn't seem to block his caller ID.

And the card that he usually uses is out of stock.

He can't find it.

So we've got a problem.

We're running out of show.

I'm going to take a break then, since it's time for a break anyway.

We're an hour in.

We're going to take a break here.

If you have a phone card that you can send us that blocks caller ID, let us know.

I'm going to try to get one, man.

Don't worry.

We've got plenty.

We've got 20 minutes worth of prank calls.

I'm sure something will work out, folks.

We're going to take a break, though.

It's time to do that.

I'm going to go rub one out real quick.

You can do the same if you'd like.

Again, if you want to reach us here tonight on AOL Instant Messenger,

use Madhouse Radio, Yahoo Messenger, Madhouse PCU Radio,

and MSN Messenger, MadhouseLive at Hotmail.com.

And what else?

Nothing else?

There's nothing else to talk about, I guess.

I already gave the toll-free line out earlier.

I'm not going to give it out again.

So for the time being, I leave you with this.

We'll be right back after this.

It is now 12.17 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, Friday, March 23rd.

The weekend is here.

Congratulations.

We'll be right back after this.

Too doggone late.

That's right.

Gotta testify.

Come up in the spot, look at extra fly.

For the day I die.

House Radio will be back right after this.

Don't tell me 40,000 people are coming here.

I won't let them call our day to be boring, man.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

I don't have time for your bullshit.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Oh, yeah, come over here. I'm going to show you.

You want to talk to your mom?

Fuck you, bitch. I'm going to fuck her up.

All right, call her.

I'm the best there is, honey. This is me.

Well, hey, it's me.

giving you the word of love let's have some crazy dogs as i i don't want your crazy dog

uh get get it get on gone or do you like the little young black man i won't be sad you're

gonna cry i won't cry you're gonna cry revolution show dot blog spot dot com prank call podcast

Podcast. Internet. For you. For your family. For your future children. It's all right here.

What's up everybody? How y'all doing? And we're back. Hang on. Hang on everybody just a moment.

Let me get the music down here properly.

And let me get the milkman and the gin unmuted here.

Gin, you're unmuted.

Milkman, you're unmuted.

I'm sorry about that.

I forgot to unmute you.

All right.

All right, man.

Okay.

All that talking about gin, I decided to mix myself a drink, man.

I got myself a gin and diet Sprite going on over here.

I don't recommend it, but all right.

Oh, I'm drinking it.

I'm drinking it now.

Hang on, folks.

We got a caller.

I love gin.

You don't like gin?

Isn't that your name?

I don't drink alcohol.

Oh, God.

He doesn't drink alcohol either.

He doesn't smoke weed either.

Jeez.

Where'd you get the cheese?

House Radio, you're on the internet.

Hey, it's Screaming Meat, thanks.

Hey, man, how you doing, bastard?

Good, good, man.

Ready to fucking fuck some shit up tonight.

I'm gonna do a Johnny Squirrel Nuts, please.

Milkman says to each other,

Johnny Squirrel Nuts, please.

You understand?

Johnny fucking Squirrel Nuts.

If you're gonna do it, it better be funny, man.

I don't know.

What are you gonna give me?

All right, well, I'm gonna read some shit out to you.

We got the Faded Rose.

It's dynamic.

We what?

The Faded Rose.

We've got Tough Guy Bowling Lanes.

Let's see.

We've got the Playboy Billiards.

We've got a Hooters.

We've got a Casino.

That's about the half of it.

You're a bar?

A bar.

We've got a liquor store we call the Huster Casino.

I get, in Harlem, I've got the Paris Blues Bar.

A Latina woman answered there.

Wicked.

Screaming Me will now prank call, and we will all enjoy it.

Put your hands together for Screaming Me.

in the Screaming Me Band, everybody.

Ah, no, no, no, no.

Hi, how are you?

That's good.

I was wondering if I could make a reservation.

Excuse me?

May I make a reservation?

I have ten of my buddies that are going to come down,

and we're going to have, like, a little birthday party.

When?

I'm thinking about a week from today, like on a Friday.

It's a Friday?

Yeah, it's going to be a little special, though.

Do you have a freezer?

We have a cake that we need frozen.

It's for my buddies.

Hello, sorry, sorry, sorry. Pardon. Give me one minute. I'm going to put in the right person so they can explain to you.

I'm sorry. My English is pretty bad. I apologize.

Oh, no, no. Your English is perfect.

Okay.

Give me one minute. I'm going to put in somebody who can talk to you. What language do you speak?

Okay, hurry up.

Okay.

This is going well.

I was wondering if reservation.

That would be Friday.

And uh, exactly what, what you made, what you believe now.

You got the right place, you got the right place. This is a boss.

Yes, thank you for it.

I've been in there before.

That's the thing, we had that here on a few occasions.

Yeah, you're not gonna get all weird on that?

No, I'm talking to the right person right now.

Really? Would you like to join the party?

Cause we're for, you know, yeah.

What date, what date you want now?

Well, a week from Friday, and I'm a sir, actually. I apologize for my voice, but I'm a sir.

The date is, uh, what's the date?

22nd of March, 23rd of March now, right? I'm looking at about 30th.

That is of, uh, March.

Yeah, it's gonna be Friday.

Let me get a calendar, and I'll make a notation right now.

Yeah, you do whatever you have to do.

I need to get myself, you know, make sure I keep it on my mind, you know.

I appreciate it.

I got a calendar right here.

Hold on, hold on.

I appreciate it.

And

what about Jen, man?

And Lonesome Loser, because he's the man.

I'm afraid of Jen.

All righty.

Kim, looking at the calendar.

All righty.

So I'm thinking about 30th of March.

It's Friday.

That's on a Friday.

Okay, I got it.

Yeah, now, is there a cost involved? Because I'm going to need to reserve, like, entertainment for, like, is there, like, a cover? I mean...

No, there's no cover.

Yeah.

The way we do it here, the lounge area, I have a lounge area that's divided from the main part of the bar.

Okay.

So it's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13.

Right.

The lounge area seats 18 people.

You're very good at counting, sir.

That'll be perfect for your party.

Okay, now, what do you have on the menu?

I mean, I would like herring yarn for champagne and maybe a good red.

Okay, now, I'm just making a notation here.

Okay.

You make all the notations you need, honey.

Okay, between now and then, you stop in to the bar, right?

Yeah.

Between now and then, you stop in, and the manager's name is Susie.

Susie Q?

S-I-E, right.

Baby, I love you.

Yeah.

Okay, that makes sense.

So you stop in and talk to Sue, and she'll set all this up for you.

Okay, so how many does that hold, then?

How many does the lounge hold?

The lounge is several 80 people.

The whole area is 80 people.

Okay, what kind of people do you have there?

Because, like, we're a little bit of a different group.

We're kind of buoyant, if you will, you know?

I mean, is that acceptable?

Regular people here, matter of fact.

Like, I'm not going to lie to you, sir, I'm a fag. I'm not even going to lie.

That doesn't bother nobody. You know, we're old people.

In a business, you live with old people.

I've been bashed in the past. I've been called, like, cocksucker.

I know, DJ. Some people got a problem with other people.

Yeah.

You know, like, I believe in freedom of whatever anybody want to do.

Politics, church, religion, wish, love, whatever anybody do, that's their business.

Well, fuck politics and church. You sound pretty hot, though. Are you single?

Yeah, I will.

To their own.

You're sounding pretty sexy, though. Are you to their own, too?

Maybe I can get with you that night, you know?

We can hook something up, you know?

I'll give you a little job or a little seat there, you know?

I'm down with just about everything, so just come on in.

Maybe get a little discount there on the hang low, you know what I'm talking about?

Ain't no problem.

Just come on in and talk to Sue.

Yeah, what do you look like?

You'll get all the facts right down.

While you're there, you make sure.

But we don't charge nobody for coming in because they're bringing their business in,

so we don't have to worry about that.

We'll just come in and talk to Sue Kelly, okay?

What's your name, sir?

Sam.

What's your name?

Sam.

What's your name, Sam?

Sam.

Sam, you're sounding pretty good there.

What do you look like?

Yeah, that's what they tell me.

Oh, they tell me that all the time.

What do you look like?

Sam.

Sam, you're playing hard to get.

What do you look like, Sam?

Hey, I look good.

Okay, so you come on in now and talk to me.

Like what?

All right.

How much is it?

How much?

What do you have on the menu, though, like for real?

I mean, like you kind of grab.

Come in and talk to Sue and look at the menu.

Well, I'm actually.

I'm shopping, though.

I'm like I'm just calling around to try to get like a good sense of the menu

and a good sense of the wine list.

Come in here and look at the plate.

And let her tell you what we got, and then you go from there.

Okay?

I'm on a little bit of a time budget, sir.

She'll be here from 10 till 7.

Do you have a big cock?

How big is your cock, sir?

I got good everything, okay?

Milky socks.

Socks.

Milky socks.

That's, uh...

How was that?

Was that at least decent?

Yes, it was.

It was very good.

A bit long, but it was...

For sure.

No, it was a bit long.

Yeah, yeah, you know.

Enter your destination number now.

Hang on, brother.

I'll give you another one.

This is coming at you quick, so react.

Love you.

I love you.

This is Hooters.

We got to change phone cards.

Hang on, okay, brother?

I'll go anywhere.

Yeah, yeah.

Do your thing.

Thanks for calling Hooters of Anaheim.

This is Andy.

How can I help you?

Hello.

What kind of, how big is your bar?

How big is the bar?

Yeah, like, I mean, I understand you got, you serve alcohol there, right?

Yeah, we just started serving a little bit of hard alcohol.

Okay, what kind of beers you got there?

Do a what?

Do you got enough?

Do you have enough beer?

Do you have enough five people?

Yeah.

Because like they say they can deliver, but shit there's fucking bar stools on top of

everything.

When are you looking to come in?

In about an hour and a half.

Yeah, we'll be fine.

Yeah, okay.

So what kind of wine is there?

Because five people.

Hello?

Yeah, we can fit 25 people.

Okay, so what kind of beer do you have on the menu?

you because we got uh we got uh we got lots of uh we got lots of one second okay so i need to

make this kind of quick 25 people now do you have a thing against natives because we're pretty

hardcore we're gonna pretty much talk to us all right no hold one second sir he's uh got you on

hold there buddy well done screaming me they're on hold i would like to announce that we finally

Finally made it on TalkShoe.com.

I would like to say hello to everybody listening to us for the first time

on the Madhouse Radio Network on TalkShoe.com.

That's right.

There we go.

And I think she's not coming back, man.

These Hooters girls are finicky.

I'm going to let you go.

Thank you for calling in, screaming you.

I'll be back.

All right, man, if you could try.

Report.

Okay.

Yes, yes, of course.

I'm here.

Is that your name?

Report.

Jen, when are you going to call in, you crazy, crazy bastard?

I'm going to call in this minute.

This very one moment, one moment.

beautiful

call in Jin man

do some pranks

share with us

be with us here

at our last supper

tonight

which we hold in

memory for

we're lagging here

somewhere

I know

yes

we're lagging

you can't hear me

I can hear you

you're coming in

just fine my friend

alright let's get

I'm ringing in

shut up

Jin's calling in

everybody

JinStewart.com

is this him already

alright I don't know

we're about to find out

what a change

watching smiles on us

man how's the radio

you're on the air

Gin Stewart.

You're coming in as a 972 area code.

That's scary.

I wonder where that is.

I'm not even spoofing, you know.

It's international.

I'm on my landline.

Yeah.

Hang on.

I'm going to take a sip of my drink.

You say something funny.

Waza waza.

That'll do it.

So you don't like gin?

You don't drink at all?

Man, what is with you, man?

Do you pray?

Do you go to church every week?

I don't go to church every week.

I haven't been to church in a while, but I am a Catholic Christian.

You're Catholic?

Yes.

Hey, me too, brother.

Man, were you an altar boy?

No.

Oh, I was.

I'm more Catholic than you are.

That's unfortunate.

No, that doesn't mean shit.

I've got more Catholic points.

My mom is really Catholic.

I mean, really Catholic.

Yeah?

Oh, yeah.

My father's a Protestant, though.

So that's a very same thing.

Hey, don't you guys fight over there, Protestants and Catholics?

No, they're divorced.

But I don't know if they fought about it while they were married.

Isn't it in Ireland?

Don't they, like, blow each other up and stuff?

And I heard that they took this baby.

and they put a bomb in the baby's diaper and it blew up.

You know, that could be true.

Yeah.

But that would probably count for the Muslim group more than the Christian group.

Yeah.

So, okay, so the Protestants and Catholics don't fight anymore

and that whole Northern Ireland dumb stuff, the NRA stuff?

Ah, the IRA.

You know, I have nothing.

I have no idea.

I'm not affiliated with them in any way.

Oh, I know you're not.

I don't hear news about it.

You know, it's really interesting to get to know you

because so far we know you have no vices.

There's got to be something.

I have no what, sorry?

You have no vices.

You don't smoke cigarettes either, I bet?

No, I don't.

You don't smoke cigarettes?

No.

No drugs?

No.

All right, well, this has got to be something.

You into porn?

Yeah, of course.

Oh, okay.

Well, there you go.

You're a pervert.

Yes, but I like lesbian porn.

You're a dirty pervert, sir.

Yes, I am.

You're a dirty...

I'm sorry, but I'm a dirty pervert, and I'm very unhappy about it.

Yeah?

Well, it's good to have a fellow pervert on the line, man.

No problem.

Yes, thank you.

Excellent.

Super wonderful.

I have to admit it.

Wunderbar.

Wunderbar, yeah.

Oh, man, there was this great German bar down here called Wunderbar.

And they had the most awesome German food and German beer.

They closed it down and they opened some stupid Jamaican crap.

I mean, these Jamaicans.

I mean, if you're into smoking pot and everything.

No.

Fuck that.

I like drinking beer in public.

Okay, yeah, let's call them up.

Yeah, I know, I know.

Do you want to call a casino or do you want to call a Hooters bar?

No, I don't want to call a Hooters.

It's boring.

Okay.

Okay, do you want to call it the Hustler Casino?

We've got the Hustler Casino.

We've got a taxidermist in Alaska.

A taxidermist is a guy who stuffs animals, right?

They stuff dead animals, yes, sir.

Let's, um...

Ooh, we've got massage in Alaska.

I don't want a massage.

Let's try the casino.

The casino, the Hustler Casino.

There you go, there you go.

I have a question for you from...

I'll ask quickly because I've got no idea what's going on.

There's a listener here with a question.

He asks...

Yeah.

He watched German porn in Hungary, and they like looking assholes.

Ask you, is that part of the whole German thing, looking assholes?

Is that true?

Not as far as I know.

I mean, I have never dated a German girl, which is quite ironic.

I tend to only date women in the region of Scandinavia.

But as far as I know, the whole shit thing is coming from Japan and more in the east.

So you like those blonde girls, huh?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, blue eyes.

short you know i like short teeth yeah you like them to have like a nice structured jaw

uh-huh that's what i like too i like jawline that's what the first thing i look at a woman

is her jawline the first thing i look at is the teeth you know she's got to be at least you know

three or four inches shorter than me really you let the whole i want to be on top you know i'm

you know you look up at me you know she's got to look she's got to look up i like that too

like the fucking you know these fucking giants with yeah i've never had a girlfriend or a woman

been involved with as tall as me i don't want that it's it's weird it's not good but i know i know

that there are people but just imagine walking down the street uh hand in hand with a woman who's

twice your size it's just somebody who think it's your mother you know so wait a minute how

tall are you are you six foot something uh no i'm five ten you're five ten all right yeah and you

got and you go with the girl like what five three well yeah a little bit taller five four five six

but still you you've got dominance right there you're showing your dominance right there well

Well, that's good, man. That's very good.

Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't say no.

Yeah, okay. Good.

Well, hey, Jin, I'm sorry to put you on the spot.

That's very disrespectful of me.

That's okay, man. You know what it's like.

This is how I do.

I ask stupid questions, but we all get together and do this.

All right, the Hustler Casino.

Jin Stewart, the Hustler Casino, Madhouse Radio, MadhouseHobb.com.

Any requests? You want me to do something American, Aussie?

Milkman, any requests?

Milkman?

No requests from Milkman. He's being nasty.

Can you hear me?

Yeah, I can hear you, Milkman. What do you say?

Yeah, man, have him do a, have him do a, who you calling?

Uh, we're calling a casino.

Have him do the drone.

The drone?

Oh, yeah, yeah, right.

Whatever.

You know what to do, Jim.

You, you know what to do.

All right, I'll do the drone.

Just, just a minute.

All right, hang on, hang on, folks.

Hang on, okay.

All right.

Drone, man, because I like, I like weed.

Thank you for calling the history casino.

This is Kim.

Am I the right to call?

Hi, um, I need to speak to, uh, a manager of some kind.

Regarding?

Regarding the cheating of the game, you know, like I was playing the game and this guy, he was cheating.

I know he was cheating, all right?

So you put me through to the manager and I want to discuss it with him, okay?

Well, there's a manager available right now.

Hey, I don't care.

You get the manager on the phone.

I'm unhappy with the service, and if you don't, you don't get him.

I'm going to walk in, I'm going to get him.

If you were unhappy, why didn't you speak with the manager at that point in time?

Because I didn't know you were cheating until after. I was too stoned. I was off my mind, you know. I was rocking back and forth.

Okay, and are you stoned now, sir?

No, I'm not stoned. I'm fine. You know, I can count one, two, three and shit, right? I'm fine, you know.

I just want to speak to the manager, and I want to talk to him and, like, you know, discuss the cheating, because it's not right.

Okay, well, there's nobody available for that right now.

And hold on, I don't think it's fair how people can...

I don't want to hear the problem because I don't gamble and there's no manager available right now.

You can probably come in and watch.

So what do you want me to do? You just want me to sit here and just, you know, I lost money, bitch.

I want to speak to the manager.

Well, let me tell you something.

You're being nasty to me.

This bitch right here, this bitch right here really ain't going to help you because I'm being a bitch.

My first name is Bitch, my middle name is Bitchy.

You lost your money

You're not going to speak to the manager

I spoke to bitch bitchy

And she was a bitch

That's what I'm going to say to the manager

And I'm that bitch

I'm that bitch

So that bitch bitchy

She was nasty to me on his phone

Now you get him and I'll speak to that guy

There's no one available for you sir

You're lying to me

I know you're lying

I smell it in your fucking breath

I smell the bullshit over here

You smell it?

What kind of fragrance I smell like?

Bullshit, that's what you smell like.

Bullshit doesn't have a smell, sir.

Well, how do you know that?

You stick your head under a cow?

Did you stick your head under a cow?

No, I'm asking you a question, bitch.

What do you do?

I'm asking you a question, bitch.

And I asked first, so you know I think you asked first.

That's okay, bitch.

Hey, you got nothing better to do?

You have nothing better to do but call me a bitch.

I need to complain, I complain, I gotta complain

Now you put the manager on the phone

I don't see how he give you a job

And you just sitting there, you know, talking

I don't see that you're not

You're a man and you're an adult

And you're disrespectful

I'm pretty sure you don't talk to your mother like that

I'm sorry

Maybe we can go hand in hand down the beach

And have some sex and I'll make up for it

I don't have sex with people, I don't know

But hey, in my country we do that, you know

I don't have sex with people that I don't know.

There's AIDS out there.

There's STDs.

If we don't need to have sex per se, we could just, you know, do some spanking.

I don't know if you're into that.

No, I'm not.

Not at all.

All right, well, what do you want to do?

The only thing I'd like to do is go shopping and spend your money.

I want to make it up to you.

I want to make, maybe we can smoke some pot.

I don't smoke.

All right, so we don't smoke pot.

I just want your PIN code to your bank account.

All right, my PIN code is 1234.

Okay.

Okay, you bring me your ID, you know.

Right.

Well, when you go sober up, then you call back, and maybe I'll transfer you to someone.

All right, I'm going to do that.

Otherwise, I'm going to transfer you to security.

All right, you do that.

Transfer me to security, baby.

And all you're going to do is be banned from the casino, sir.

All right, just transfer me, all right?

Nope, I will not.

Why not?

You said, hey.

Why not?

You said a minute ago, you said, hey.

Because I'm not going to.

They don't want to go through this.

That's why we're here.

To nip all the bullshit in the beginning.

me hey well come on i'm not i'm just going to make you complain you're just being mad there's

no complaint to be made i'm not being nasty at all you call me a i'm not being nasty

hey that's after you after you was getting all nasty with me i never got nasty one time

i never got nasty one time i'm sorry okay i just need to speak to security you put me through

there's nobody that you can speak to because if you thought that you were getting cheated

you should have handled that when you were sitting at the table there's nothing that they

He had cards under the table, I know, I know.

And I was stoned, but I know he had cards under the table.

Well, then you should have dealt with that then, sir.

I was too stoned, baby, that's what I'm saying.

Okay, well, then if you were stoned, then you don't know the truth.

So call back later, okay?

All right, all right.

Look, can you put me through to security or what?

No, I'm not going to.

You're nasty, you know that?

But I love you, okay?

Okay.

All right.

Good night.

All right.

Please enter your destination.

That was great.

I was hoping for the security.

I could have changed my accent suddenly.

I know.

My name is Marvin.

Marvin.

Hey, I got a restaurant called Los Dos Amigos.

What?

Amigos?

Los Dos Amigos.

It's in Compton, California.

You ever heard of Compton, California?

I've heard of Compton, yes.

Straight out of Compton?

Right, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do I have that song?

Straight out of Compton?

i gotta play that accent i don't know whatever you want to do man i want to do another kensington

because i haven't done it good man whatever you're uh yeah whatever you want to do man

all right hang on folks here we go hey i have him say seven seven seven he wants to do the whole

seven seven seven seven things it's all right all right all right hang on okay yes made him how do

What now?

Hello.

Yes, can you hear me?

Hey!

Do you speak English, madam?

Eh?

Yes.

Madam, do you speak English?

It is a language.

What now?

You lose your touch the way you speak.

Madam, I need to speak.

I need to speak.

Eh?

That is a head talk.

Head talk.

Can you speak?

Do you want my number?

Eh?

Do you want my number?

You can pass it on to somebody.

What now?

No, no.

Madam, listen.

Listen.

Do you speak English?

Give me an English number.

I want to do the seventh thing.

That would be great for these new listeners.

Hang on.

Can I call the Karachi Tandoori?

I don't know what that is.

It's a Pakistani restaurant in America.

Please enter your destination number now.

You have 11 hours, 18 minutes, 41 seconds

before applicable service fee.

All right.

This is in Torrance, California.

Yes, my number is Seven, Seven, Seven, Seven, Seven, Seven, Seven, Seven, Seven, Seven, Seven, Seven, Seven, Seven, Seven, Seven, Seven, Seven, Seven.

Who are you? Who are you?

Dean Stewart is my name. Did you get that number, sir?

Yeah.

Yes, could you read it back to me, then, please?

Who are you?

My name is Dean Stewart, sir.

Okay. Why you call here?

I was looking for my friend Mr. Hancock, apparently he's not around, so you can take a message for me, and you can tell him last night was absolutely splendid, wonderful, marvelous, and next time I'll put it up his ass, okay?

Okay.

Yes, you will tell him that, with my number.

He's cool.

Okay, you have a very marvelous day, sir.

Okay.

Aloha, my friend, okay?

Okay, thank you.

Yes, sir.

Goodbye.

Do you want to hang up or not?

I like that.

I don't think he was going to hang up for a second there.

He was like, okay.

I must have said seven about a dozen times and he didn't do anything.

He was like, oh, okay.

He's back.

He sounded like he was burnt.

How stupid is that?

You got any more?

Hold on.

I'm done.

Okay.

Oh, you're going to call the down under number?

He's still there.

He hung up again.

He came back.

He's so dumb he can't figure out how to hang up the phone.

Stupid.

You want to call that taxidermist?

You got requested pranks and down under numbers.

Down under?

I'll do, I'll do an Aussie this time because I like Australians.

Oh, that's right, we do have a new phone card. Thank you very much, Milkman. Very good, very good.

Right, right.

Very good. Okay, we're waiting for the woman to come back.

That's my service, you know.

Uh, who do you want to call in Australia? I got the Stanley Kool...

No, no, no, I want to text Jermis. I want to text Jermis. I'm going to be the Australian. I'm going to be the Aussie.

I understand.

And I'm going to tell him some stuff, alright? Just, uh, can we do it?

Yes, we can. I'm sorry I'm very slow, but I got it now.

Okay, that's alright.

The woman is not coming back, so I'm going to have to get her back on.

Hang on, folks.

We'll be right back with the next parent call.

One moment.

Hello?

G'day, Sheila.

Is that the taxidermist?

I'm sorry?

Hello, is that the taxidermist?

Yes, it is.

You guys stuff animals, right?

Yes.

All right.

Listen, I've got my daughter.

She's going crazy, and she wants a koala.

She wants a stuffed koala.

So I don't really want to go and buy one because it's probably going to cost more.

So I was hoping if I could send you a dead koala, maybe you could stuff it.

Um, here, let me have you talk to my husband. Hold on one minute.

Alright, okay.

G'day mate, how are ya?

Right, my name is James Stewart. I've got a bit of a request. It might seem a bit weird, but I've got a dead koala there.

I'd like to send it to you. I'd like you to stuff it. I'd like you to put it back in the post and send it back to me. Is that alright?

See, over here, it's not legal to do that. I'm in Sydney, Australia, and it's illegal over here.

So, but I thought perhaps, you know, if I send it to somebody else, maybe they could do it. How do you feel about that?

I have to check on the rules on that.

Well, I don't really know the laws over there, but I thought, you know, since it's America, you know, you allow a lot of stuff.

I mean, you've got Bush running the country. I sort of figured I could just send you the koala bear and you could just stuff it for me.

I'm not sure how the import and outport are going to go.

I don't think anybody would care if I sent you a dead animal on the post.

I mean, I could send it, like, the next day or something, then you could just, I don't know, fill it up and just send it back.

I'll send you a cheque for five grand if you want, and how much do you think it's going to cost?

No, it's a great thing to think that this is legal to do.

Right. Well I don't, listen, money's not an issue for me, but the problem is over here in Australia they all love koala bears,

but you know, the problem I've got is that they don't, you know, they don't want to do it,

and it's difficult for me because my daughter, she's going crazy, she's all daddy daddy,

I want the koala bear, get me the koala bear, and I'm, you know, I'm a bit, you know, pissed off to be honest.

I just want to get it done, over and done with, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I'd have to check with Fish and Wildlife to see if it's done.

Well, I'll tell you what, do you want my number? You can write this down and you can give me a call back.

Exactly, once I check with Fish and Wildlife to make sure it's, you know, all the...

Alright, you got a pen, mate?

Yeah, let me just get one here one sec.

Alright.

Okay, what's the number?

Alright, my number's 7-7 for Australia and the rest of it is 7-7-7, 7-7-7, 7-7-7, 7-7-7, 7-7-7, 7-7-7, 7-7-7, 7-7-7, 7-7-7, alright?

Alright?

Oh,

right. I didn't quite get that one.

Alright, so 7-7 for Australia. Sorry, something wrong with my voice here. I'm sorry about that. I get the chills sometimes, you know, it just rolls off my back and then I've got a little bit weird. But don't worry about it. I feel much better. Okay, so the number is 7-7 for Australia. Are you there, sir?

Yeah.

Right, and the rest of it is 7-7-7, 7-7-7, 7-7-7, 7-7-7, alright?

And how do you hear of us?

Well, actually, sir, I was just looking at your taxidermist on the web, and, you know, I found you, and then I thought maybe I'd give you a bell, you know?

And, uh, since you're, uh...

What do you feel about stuffing an elephant?

Do you think you'd stuff an elephant instead of a koala bear if you can't do the koala?

Well, how about a gorilla?

Maybe, like, one of those rare gorillas, you know, you find them in the African jungle sometimes, sir?

We don't want you to do that anymore.

All right.

All right, mate.

You're a sick fuck, by the way, all right?

Stuffing animals is nasty.

Okay, wildlife, you know, I'm...

Hello?

You hung up, didn't you?

Uh, here's a good one.

He's gone, man.

Oh, that was awesome, man.

Yeah, it was.

I think he's going to do it, actually.

He's all for it, man.

Please enter your destination number now.

All right, hang on.

Let me get a number here.

Another one?

I'm going to call the Hooters.

Hang on.

You have 10 hours, 32 minutes, 30 seconds.

I'm going to start off with Jack Masterson here.

You want me to jump in?

I'll let you know.

I don't know.

I don't know about this one here.

Let's see how it goes.

Ladies and gentlemen, thanks.

It's Amber.

How may I help you?

Hey, Amber, this is Amber. It's just amber. Hello. Hello

Is this amber? Yeah. Yeah. What's up?

You don't remember me I came in last week

Fucking shit. I ran out the lettuce. Hello. Hello. Oh, you don't remember me. I came in last week

no idea i was wondering if i could get you again i think we we had this thing she's not going for it

poor jack masterson does not score again he never gets any gin it's sad

you know jack mentioned anything i've never had your destination number what is it you want to

call the red ass cafe bar a cafe yes speaking how dare you say something of that nature to me sir

i demand to speak with your prime minister may i speak with your prime minister please

the prime minister speaking here you're the prime minister in charge and what's the nature of this

word ass uh you know what that means here in america oh look i mean i'm on vacation here and

i'm an american as far as far as i understand my rules apply and i don't appreciate my daughter

being told that she needs to go to the red ass you know what i got what kind of disgusting thing

that means where i'm from well where you're from uh need to lighten up a bit and uh uh maybe where

you're from um people uh need to just sort of you don't you don't talk to this family like

they you know you understand what i'm saying yeah where you're from you guys need to learn

I'm going to call him back.

You're upside down.

What the hell is that?

Was that Barry Gibbs?

Try to speak up a bit, Jin.

Hello, the red-ass Gibbs speaking.

You hung up the phone on me and my father.

You don't do that, okay?

Only we hang up the phone.

No.

Son of a gun.

We're going to call a motel in Australia.

You have seven hours, twenty-two minutes, eight seconds before applicable service needs.

That's funny.

You have...

...five hours, nigga.

Oh, I'm drunk. I'll tell you what, you can start.

Good afternoon, let me let you know this is late. Hello?

Hello? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it. I'm so, so sorry, okay? You just tell her I didn't mean to do it, okay? I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I was drunk, and I was mad, and I am sorry. Okay? You understand me, sir? I am sorry. I didn't mean to do it, and I will never do it again. I'm so sorry.

Okay.

Right. Sir, sir, I was in the motel yesterday, and I think I gave her a boo-boo.

I didn't mean to do it, sir. I'm so sorry. I think she has a boo-boo on her arm.

I hit her with a padded bat. I hit her with a padded bat. I'm sorry, sir.

I didn't mean to do it. Please forgive me. You tell her I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, okay, you tell her I didn't mean to do it, okay?

Okay, I'll tell her that.

Also, also, I drew on the wall, I drew a picture on the wall and I didn't mean to do it, I-I-I just-

We're on hold now.

Alright, we'll-

I don't know.

Sounds like you're playing some Nintendo or something.

I guess, alright, we'll wait about- we'll wait 10 seconds here, 10 man-house seconds.

9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Alright, the next number will be-

Okay, I thought he picked up.

We're going to call the Gurney Lodge.

Ooh, look, hey, here we go.

Stanley Cool Stores.

This is a storage place.

I don't know what that is. What is it?

I don't know. It says Stanley Cool Stores.

Stanley Cool Stores. Hang on, let's try that here.

Okay, here we are.

You take this one, man. I'm on vacation.

Stanley Cool Stores.

Hello there.

Hello.

Right, hello.

Yes, hello.

Oh, you're in Australia.

Okay, um, this is a power goey problem.

Robin, I was in your store and I purchased a wee marmalade, okay, and the marmalade was bad, do you understand?

I think you got the wrong number.

No, no, I got the right number. You're at Wheat's store, right?

Pardon?

You're at Wheat's store, on the corner.

Yeah, so what was the problem? What was the problem?

Aye, aye, I bought a wee marmalade. A wee marmalade, you know what marmalade is?

Yeah.

Right, and I was going to put it on my haggis, right, but it didn't taste very good, so the marmalade was off, right, it was bad.

Okay.

Right, okay, so I want to take a replacement.

Okay, I think you've got the wrong number.

No, mate, I've got the right number.

Have you?

Fuck! You know, I screwed up on the accent, so I'm really sorry about that, but anyway, how are you?

You're good.

You're good, sir. Are you still there?

Sir, stop toying with me, I'm not a puppet.

Hello. Sir, my good friend.

My name is Murray.

The bastard was there, the bastard.

Please enter your destination number now.

No, I screwed up on the accent because you started talking Australian,

and then I started talking Australian with the Scottish, and it didn't work.

All right, I'm going to take this one here.

This is the Handorf Old Mill. Get some cider.

Handorf Old Mill, good afternoon. This is Sandy.

Hey, what's up, hooker? How you doing, baby?

I'm good, how are you?

I'm good, I'm good. Madam, I was wondering, the mill,

how much is it to rent out some spaces there?

there. For when would you like to come? As soon as possible. I'm in for the next three days. We're

fully booked out tomorrow night. We can accommodate you tonight. A double spa chalet for two people

is $120. Wonderful. That's how much? $120. What's that in American? Absolutely no idea. Oh, we'll

find out. You got a calculator there? Yes. All right, get it out. I'll let you know what to do.

You ready? Okay. First thing you need to do is press the on button. Let me know when you have

have that down. It's on. Okay. Now I need you to type in 69. All right. Now read off

to me what's on the screen. I think you're having a joke with me, are you? No, I just

wanted you to read off to me what's on the screen. No, I don't think so. Come on. Are

you making a reservation with us for this evening? Most definitely with you. Okay. Thank

you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Wow. That was very sick. That's very lowbrow. Hey, you call and apologize

Apologize for me, okay?

All right, all right.

What was that name?

Uh, I don't know.

I think it was...

All circuits are busy.

Aw, I think it was Tony.

Message 100.

I'll try one more time.

And your destination number now.

Here we go.

Hi, Doff Old Mill.

Good afternoon.

This is Sandy.

Hi there, ma'am.

Um, I believe you spoke to my brother a minute ago, and I think he was a little rude to you.

Hello?

Uh, yes.

I just wanted to say I've got to apologize for him.

He's a little bit slow sometimes, okay?

Fuck!

That's fine.

You guys have a great afternoon.

Can I ask you, you sound like somebody who's, you know, really nice.

Are you really nice?

I am really nice.

My mom, she's from Australia, so I can't really say she's nice,

but she's pretty, okay, and I think all Australian women are pretty.

So I just wonder, you know, maybe we could get together sometime?

Absolutely not.

I want to smell your panties, man.

Hey, why have you got to do this every time, bro?

I've got to, you know, try and get to know the girl.

I got you.

Hey, brother, I got you on to where my hair's on now.

Hey, look, hey, man, why you got to do this every time?

Every time he does this, ma'am, Sandy, I'm sorry, okay?

He doesn't mean it.

He's just a bit small, okay?

So maybe me and you, we could get together, Sandy?

Yeah.

Right, okay, so how do you feel about that?

Just me and you.

We'll forget about my brother.

Smell your panties.

He's on the line, but he's a bit small, okay?

Smell your panties.

Ma'am, ma'am, you won't regret it, I promise.

I promise, I'm a nice guy.

Do you have periods?

Hey, shut up man, before I come down there and kick your ass, okay?

That was so retarded and stupid.

That was so middle school of me to do.

We were gonna drag you into the cave or something, I was thinking of, you know, coming up with some shit about...

Hang on, I'm calling England now.

I said pound, bitch!

Do the roof game, oh my god.

We'll tell you what, we're gonna have to redial it, but I've got the Castle Hotel, I've got the Fortress Travel Lodge, or the Mr. Bumble?

Mr. Bumble in the UK.

In the UK, Mr. Bumble.

Right.

What's that about? What's Bumble mean? Does that mean like a bum?

I've got no idea, but as long as we call it something.

Ask him if he fancies a bumble.

I will get to that.

We'll get to that at some point.

Hang on, everybody, the next prank call's coming right up.

Alright, so, no Mr. Bumble, but I've got the Castle Hotel.

All right. Good morning, Macdonald Castle Hotel. Windsor, how may I help you?

Good morning there, sir. I was wondering if you could give me a room with a view.

For when, sir?

For immediately, if that's possible, sir.

Unfortunately, we fully booked last night, sir.

Well, how about tomorrow, then, sir? I need a room with a view, a room with a view of beautiful women, if you can do that, sir.

Let's find out whether we've got any available.

Any beautiful women or any rooms, sir?

Well, we've got no beautiful women.

No beautiful women, sir.

No, unfortunately not.

Especially in this country, of course.

Exactly.

Well, you see, I have a bit of a problem because I need to stay in some sort of room

because I have my camera with me and I will need to be taking pictures of some sort of women.

So, I mean, something that's remotely connected to a woman, that would be fantastic.

But if I sat on the roof of the hotel, I could take some pictures of the women walking around below.

Unfortunately, I don't have any front-facing rooms available for the weekend.

Well, could I sit on the roof then, sir? I could camp on the roof.

No, you can't sit on the roof, unfortunately.

Why can I not sit on the roof, sir?

Because it would be very unsafe.

Well, of course it's going to be unsafe, are you silly, sir?

I have my static equipment. I could just simply strap myself to the roof

and I could take my camera with me and I could, you know, take pictures of the women walking around below.

It has a multi-zoom function, sir. I have 600 times zoom.

I don't think that would be very wise, sir.

Why not, sir?

Well, because it's very... you might actually get arrested for doing stuff like that.

I don't think so, sir. I've done it many times before. I've not been arrested so far.

I mean, especially politics days, sir, you know, I'm not going to get...

They always arrest the wrong people anyway.

You know, you hear about the shooting of the wrong guy,

and, you know, they think he's a terrorist and all that sort of...

I don't think they'll catch me, sir.

And I would love to sit on your...

I think we'd love to do, but that could have been good.

All right, we're going to go back to the computer.

I got into the show. It's time.

All right, buddy.

All right, buddy, thanks for coming in.

Hey!

Yeah, yeah.

Small thing, I love you, dude.

All right, Jen Stewart, all right.

Yeah.

Jen Stewart.

Thank you.

you and again that's jim stewart dot com is it freaking error right jim stewart dot com dot cam

folks we're out of here no more calls milkman shut the phones off anyone to get up all right

that's a we have a strict rule around here ladies and gentlemen despite how good you are

you can only call in uh once a show once a show we have to keep the lines open that's uh

right down on me call into my show i'm sorry yeah all right call in uh yeah that's right

All right, Jen Stewart will be on Sunday night at 1 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Sunday lunch.

Sunday lunch with Jen Stewart.

Excellent show.

The 1 p.m.

My favorite show on PC.

So, oh, yeah.

Be sure to listen to it.

Right here on PC.

You boop.

Yeah.

And I failed to mention, we finally made it on TalkShoe.com for the very first time.

I would like to say welcome and thank you, all of you.

We have a pretty healthy number

I'll tell you what

For being extremely late

We have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 listeners

On talk show right now

So that's awesome

Great

I expect that listenership to grow

How many is that total for the night?

We peaked at 41

That would be 47 total listeners

Not that good

But we've had worse

you know we're doing we're keeping in there we're hanging in we're hanging strong as strong as as

as possible and i would like to thank you all for joining us like i said visit us on mad at

madhouse live.com that's our podcast location madhouse live.com and uh what else can i say

man we did a great show out the new revamped madhouse live.com page right all the goodies

He's right on the front, man.

That's right.

You can't miss it, man.

Check out our old episodes.

The archives, the podcast, the live stream, the podcast.

Request a prank.

The store.

The store is there.

Get yourself a Madhouse shirt, Madhouse hat.

Make a donation to us.

Get your Milkman mug.

Milkman mug.

That's right.

We've got to get the Milkman mug going there.

Hell, yeah.

We'll get the Jen Stewart, I don't know, the Jen Stewart T-shirt.

We'll do something for Jen.

But there we are.

All right, Jen.

Jen, thanks for being on tonight, Jen.

It was great having you on, man.

Hey, man.

Anytime, you know it.

Milkman, thank you for being on also.

Oh, man.

We did a great show tonight, Milkman.

Thank you for being on also, man.

Couldn't do it without you.

Hell yeah, man.

And I want to thank your friend.

Who was it now that got the phone card?

Who was that?

Was that the guy who called in?

Creamy.

Thanks, man.

Creamy.

Appreciate it.

He kept us going.

Lonesome Loser.

Creamy to the rescue.

Lonesome Loser, thank you very much for your submissions and numbers.

Everyone in the chat room, everyone who listened in all four networks tonight,

we had a great night, and that's it.

We'll be here.

We had quite a few new listeners, man.

Musical LSD.

That's right.

Brown Beaver.

Quite a few new listeners, man.

I'd like to welcome all of you.

That's right.

He's a madhouse.

All right.

All right, we'll catch you all next week, man.

That's it.

Show's over.

Have a good weekend.

Again, we'll see you all next Thursday.

Thanks, guys.

Hey, everybody.

Yeah.

In five minutes.

Love you, Cali.

Shout out to Michael Allen Neff.

That was me five bucks.

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Thanks.

Calls (21, 1 h 2 min of 1 h 51 min)

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