2007-04-04 Show

And who plays?

What happens in America?

Well, we steamed your ass in World War II.

What do you have to do?

We never did.

And who helped you out just now?

You pissed off, woman.

Don't talk to me like that.

We don't need you anyway, bitch.

God, fuck you.

Call me a stinky, stinky fucker.

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Hey, people.

What's up?

Good evening, everybody.

We are here.

We have started.

Welcome to the Madhouse.

That's what he said.

We're here late.

Technical difficulties.

That's an understatement.

I can't do this.

Forget it.

We're done.

Fubar.

See you guys.

We're out of here, everybody.

Thank you for having us.

No, seriously.

Why is Milkman the warrior not here?

He rebooted his machine.

Yeah, and he went to this private gay room to jerk off with the warrior and having cyber

sex and stuff.

What the hell's your problem, Milkman?

Get in here and report.

Okay.

Hello.

Hey, we're on the air, Milkman.

Hello.

Hi, warrior.

Gentlemen.

Are we on?

What's with the secret conference, huh?

Let's get this skinny.

What's going on?

We've been muted

So we didn't know if we're going on

We're on, we got a lot of trouble today

The show's all messed up already

And we're a half hour into it and we haven't done one prank all yet

And I hold Milkman personally responsible

What time are we going to go on?

I don't know, probably like a half hour

You going to be okay with that?

A half hour?

I am the man

I tried to tell you to go to control panel

Will found it

There's a bunch of people already

I looked it up online.

Milkman, I don't know.

I don't know if we're going to do a show tonight or not, to be honest with you.

Did it start?

What's the problem?

The computer doesn't want to work.

We can't get the sound to work right.

Soundboard doesn't work?

Soundboard doesn't work.

The mics aren't working.

Nothing's working right.

Even though it's not opening, Will.

What?

Holy crap.

I found it, though.

What was I hearing?

Skypiss.

Did you install Skypiss?

Skypiss?

Skype.

No, Gizmo.

No, no, no.

Gizmo, man.

Gizmo.

Hey, guys.

No, Milkman, really, we're on the air right now.

We're already on the air.

I had to start us on.

If you install SkyPix, it's going to fuck up your settings, man.

No, no, that was TalkCast telling us.

It was TalkShoe, TalkShoe.

TalkShoe, yeah.

TalkShoe.

Kill that movie.

We're not taking any calls.

It's definitely going to fuck up your settings, and that could be the problem.

I know.

Well, we're here, Milkman.

How you doing, man?

How's your week been?

Oh, boy.

I've been pretty sick, man.

Just last few days it started coming on, man.

So that's why you haven't been coming on.

I've been sick in a year, man.

In a year?

Yeah, you had that really bad...

I was fucking sick.

You had that bad bout with Herpes 3.

So, I'm glad you made it out.

Seriously, though, what's going on?

You got the coffee?

I never told anybody about...

I never told anybody about the herpes you gave me.

Kiss and tell.

I got fucking flu, man.

The flu, man.

Oh, Jesus.

God help you, man.

I didn't know you get the flu in...

Yeah, my neck and everything was hurting.

You can get the flu down there in the Virgin Islands?

Oh, okay.

Okay, I didn't think the flu was...

They come down here from the States and smelling and shit out there.

And they come down here, it's 90 degrees, and they're down here, like, dying and sick and shit.

God.

And breathing all over you and stuff.

And, you know, eventually you'll catch it, you know.

I stay away as far as I can from those people.

Yeah, stay away from all American people, Milkman.

They have nothing but diseases.

I mean, look what they did to the Indians, right?

They gave them those blankets with AIDS on them.

There's a lot of truth to it.

If you're not hanging out with these guys in the wintertime down here,

they're unlikely to get sick.

Most people down here don't get it unless they've been back and forth to the States.

Yeah, but I tell you what, whenever I go to Puerto Rico or the Caribbean,

if I stay more than two weeks, I get sick every time.

I get like a two-day cold after about two or three weeks of being down there.

And every time, it never fails.

And I'm pretty sure it's just something in the environment that my body's not used to all the time.

And my body goes through it, and I'm fine.

I think it works.

And it's just there's a different environment, you know, different kind of bugs, you know.

For the first few years I was here, I mean, like, I had to be in air conditioning all the time, man.

I mean, I was just, like, sweating all the time.

I was walking around just soaking wet, you know, because I just wasn't used to being out of, you know, out of the north so long.

Yeah, that happens to me.

And now, if it gets, like, yeah, if it gets around, like, 80, I feel like I'm about to freeze to death.

Oh, man, and I don't have any air conditioning in my car right now.

Oh, it's killing me.

in here. Dude, I don't have any A.C. in my car.

I don't have any air conditioning here.

I don't have much humidity like you do there.

There you got like 30%

humidity and shit, but here

you don't have any humidity.

You got that nice breeze.

You got the breeze, the sea breeze.

You got the sea breeze. You just open up a window,

you got your fan, and you got your

Miller High Life, and you're good to go.

Hell yeah. Virgin Islands it is.

So yeah, man.

You get a little trade-off from the

volcano upwind from here.

Right.

Milkman, your audio sucks, man.

You got a lot of...

Warrior, give us a report on Milkman's stats right now.

He's going to die.

Yeah.

Warrior, I don't know.

I think your computer has the flu too, Milkman.

Just watch out for that, all right?

Be careful.

Yes, I will.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, good.

Thanks, man.

So, yeah, this is Madhouse Radio.

We do prank calls eventually here at some point, so be tuned for that.

We don't have any numbers.

Is Lonesome Loser anywhere around?

Yes, we are on TalkShoe.com.

We are on TalkShoe right now.

We're broadcasting live.

What's up?

Oh, God, like two?

No, we had like ten last week.

Yeah, we had ten last week.

Yeah, well, we have two right now.

The problem is, Milkman, is we started so late today and last week, too, that people are planning to be in there at 11.

and they stick around and then, you know, this Puerto Rican guy doesn't show up as usual

and then people just kind of, you know, leave.

They listen to the other shows that are on there.

But eventually...

We're on Orlando time.

We're on Puerto Rican Orlando time.

So sadness is what we have here.

I don't know.

How do we do a prank call show without Lonesome Loser?

I don't know.

He's not around anymore.

What's the deal with Lonesome Loser, man?

Is he still working on the opposite shift or what?

Because I haven't been able to catch him.

Last we know.

Last we knew, he said any day now he was going to have to not be around.

He's not going to be around tonight.

Lonesome Loser, for those of you who don't know, is also known as Storm Shadow.

Also known as Mr. Peepers.

He's a gentleman.

I thought I was a cop, dude.

You scared me.

Damn, Will.

He's the guy who has, for the last two, three years, maybe.

Excuse me.

I like that.

Milkman over here.

Coughing on the mic.

Stop that.

He's been providing us with phone cards and, you know, prank call, you know,

people to prank call for you know confirming it for us you know numbers and stuff he is he's a

machine and it makes it all happen yeah and fucking uh you know he unfortunately now he's

gotta you know get a real job and he's working at night he's not here with us anymore so uh

we miss him hopefully he might be back later tonight he's online he's on aim but he's not

responding so i'm gonna assume that he's just he's at work he's doing his own thing and that's

okay man more power to you congratulations but we are looking for replacements we're taking

Making applications.

God help us.

You can send them at madhouseradio at gmail.com.

Nobody can replace him, man.

Yeah, I know.

We need about two or three interns, right, Will?

That's right.

It will take about two or three people to do what Lonesome Loser can do on a slow night.

At least.

Well, hey, if you've got numbers to send us, do it now.

If not, we're just going to talk and we're going to bore the hell out of you.

No prank calls.

Hey, but I have the Lonesome Loser archives.

That's almost two years' worth of confirmed numbers.

Yeah, well, you know, that's on this computer here.

We're going to do that right now.

In IRC, I got some requests for Italian restaurant and Chinese overseas in China.

Yeah.

But I don't know if we got enough time.

Well, I don't know.

We could try.

If we got numbers, then we do it.

No, you send us numbers, we do prank calls.

If not, we do what we can with what little we have.

If you want to reach us to send your prank call request or your complaints to us tonight,

You can do so on AOL Instant Messenger.

That is the preferred messaging service.

That's Madhouse Radio.

Madhouse Radio on AOL Instant Messenger.

Yahoo Messenger users, hit us up at Madhouse Radio Online.

Madhouse Radio Online on Yahoo Messenger.

Hit us up.

Is that old?

Is that still?

No, but you know what?

Let's do this.

You can hit us up on TalkCast, and if you ain't around at your computer, you can always listen to us live.

They have phone numbers there

If you sign up

And you call into the show

Listen

If you don't want to listen

You can join in

Talk with us

Give us a call

It's free

It's on them

Yeah

TalkShoe

I keep missing that

It's TalkCastID

Room number 21456

No one's going to get that

Go to TalkShoe.com

Click on the Madhouse Radio icon

There right now

We're on live

We're listed live

And if you want to listen to us

On your phone

By all means

If you need to go

There's no excuse

Not to listen to us tonight

And even if you don't

Don't even listen to us.

Just call us on the phone and have us on in the background or something, you know?

Tell your friends.

Show them.

Let them listen.

Don't they have those things where you can hear your cell phone on the car speakers now?

Yeah.

So technically you can get on TalkShoe and connect to us.

It's called speaker phone.

Speaker phone, right.

That's right.

So you can turn on your speaker phone and then like Will was saying last week, you'll

be driving down the street and people are like, what's that I'm hearing?

That's Carlito, you know, in your car right there.

I can be wherever you want.

I can be in the bathroom with you right now.

That's right.

I could be in bed with your old lady too if she wanted to listen to us.

You let her know.

I'm all up for that.

Right.

You guys are supposed to be recording the nasty sounds.

And we haven't had any shit sounds either.

Nobody's sent in anything.

Milkman, are you ass sick?

Are you ass sick?

Are you shitting a lot because of this?

Do you have the diarrhea?

No, I just, man, it's in my chest, bro.

It's just stuck in my lungs.

Well, that sucks.

It just started out in my nose.

It just run like crazy.

Well, that sucks.

I'm just trying to take some medication and dry it out so it won't spread.

I would have loved some

By the end of this Easter weekend

It might be better

You're not taking any of that medicine that makes you have runny

Poo there are you

Oh yeah well if you did that would be good Milkman

Because we would want you to record that for us

Yes

Oh okay well

I'll just go take a big old bottle of X-Lac

Get yourself a pail

You got a garbage can over there Milkman

Just shove the mic in your ass and go for it.

He's all excited now.

There we go.

Oh, jeez.

Sick.

Should be able to get about a half hour out of that.

Yeah, that's good audio, though, if you can do it.

Anyway, probably everybody out there is ready to pass out now.

That smell wasn't real.

It was a sound effect.

Smellovision.

Right.

Do we have any numbers yet?

Not yet.

Having technical difficulties with one of my machines.

Creative sound drivers are not installing correctly.

That sounds like the same issue we're having tonight.

It is what we're having tonight, Lonesome Loser, and I'm putting us all on alert here.

We're all on alert, everybody.

Be careful.

If your machine has updated, it's gone.

Yes.

If you're having trouble with your sound drivers tonight, let us know because we have two people involved with this great effort here.

Jonathan's calling in.

Man, you don't have a phone tonight, Will.

I'm sorry.

That's all right.

You're cool.

All right.

Just don't get too close to me, dude.

Yeah, yeah.

I got you.

I might get the flu.

You're from up north.

What are you talking about a driver problem?

Somebody say that again.

Something happened.

Madhouse Radio, Jonathan, you're on the air.

What's up, Carlito?

Jonathan, I hung up on somebody because I wanted to make sure you were the first of the night.

How about that?

That sounds all right.

All right, so how you been?

Been doing all right.

I had a hard day today.

Got a new truck, did you?

Or a new bus, I mean?

Yeah, I'm actually down in Panama City right now.

Uh-oh.

I was helping out with the boys and girls club in their bus.

Um, bit the dust.

Oh, it did?

Yeah.

Oh, man, that's horrible.

Was it an older bus?

Yeah, it was about 40 years old.

Wow, man, my AC doesn't work in my car.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it's horrible.

I hate it.

I can't stand it.

I get angry driving around, and it's not even in the 90s yet, man.

Yeah.

So what are we going to do about that?

Uh, not for sure.

Um, is it fixable?

Yeah, it's probably going to cost me about $500, $600 to get it fixed.

Compressor shot, needs a new dryer in there, you know.

You don't know anybody that does AC work here in Orlando?

Not for sure.

If I was up there, I'll get one as soon as I could.

Well, come on down and take a look at it for me, man.

What kind of car do you have?

I got a Honda.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, so you come down, you bring your box of tools, and we'll fix my car AC.

How about that?

All right, I'll see what I can do.

I'll cook you dinner.

What do you like?

Want some chicken?

You're always eating chicken, man.

Yeah, I can have some chicken.

All right, good.

Fried chicken?

Sure.

Publix fried chicken will pick us up a party box, 24-piece dark meat.

All right.

There it is.

All right, man.

I don't know what I'm talking about, Jonathan.

I don't mean any disrespect to you, man.

You're a good friend of mine.

All right.

Do you think I'm an asshole to you sometimes on the phone here?

No.

Do I come across as fake?

No.

You're a cool guy.

All right.

I'm just making sure we're okay, man.

Hey, I don't see you on the Google Talk.

Did you block me or something like that?

I haven't blocked anybody.

Can you block people on Google Talk?

Yeah, you can't block people.

It says that you're offline on Google Talk.

I don't know.

Am I on Google Talk right now?

No, sir.

I don't believe you are.

I see.

I've got to get on.

I'll fix that, man.

I'll fix that, all right?

All right.

All right, man.

Now's your time.

Say your peace to all your fans real quick.

I was just about to say hello to all my fans.

Hey, sir.

Good weekend.

All right.

Well, happy Easter to you.

Happy Easter to you and the Madhouse.

All right, then.

God bless you, sir.

Got to get some Easter salad, man.

Yeah, man.

How about them cookies and milk?

Cookies and milk, yeah.

Milkman with M&M's in them, right?

You know?

Yeah.

I guess M&M cookies.

I love some M&M cookies.

You know what?

We should have everybody write our number on bathroom walls.

Yeah, well, I don't know about that, man.

You know, it costs me money when people call.

I'm talking about, well, if the number's off, they can't call anyone.

They can't get a call.

Run, stop, breathe.

Yeah, that's it.

I had a guy who kept...

Put the time on it.

10 p.m. and 11 p.m.

You sound like you're a real tough.

Do you know there's one...

I got my red boots on and I'm feeling really hot.

You know, put it right above the glory hole.

There's a state in the union that I do not take toll-free calls from at all,

and I'll explain that later after we talk to this gentleman here.

I think the trucker had a belt on that said Andy right on the back.

Madhouse Radio, you're on the air.

Hey, is this Madhouse Radio?

Yes, it is. Who is this?

Oh, this is great.

I'm four mulattoes, and I'd like to say that your show really sucks.

Hey, thanks, man.

I appreciate that, bro.

Thanks, man.

Really, I'm totally serious, though.

All right.

Well, good.

That's good.

What do you think we could do to improve the show?

Cancel it altogether or just get rid of me?

What would you do to improve the show?

Probably a combination of the two, you getting rid of the show and you dying.

Okay.

All right.

Well, I've got your feedback here, and I will definitely pass that on.

All right.

Great.

All right, brother, you have a good night, man.

Thanks for listening.

I hope you die.

All right, you too.

All right, bye-bye.

Bye.

Can't please them all, man.

Hey, you know.

Hey, you got to be honest.

I take the criticism.

What do we know?

I got it right.

He said we suck, and he's a faggot.

That's what I got down right.

That's what I heard.

He's a faggot bitch.

That's what's up.

He's calling right back.

What's up, guys?

Sean, you're on the air.

I got something to say about that last guy that called in saying for you to die.

Yeah.

What a piece of shit.

Yeah.

Well, you know, he's, I, hey, a lot of people want me to die on a daily basis.

I get told that at work every day probably like five times, man.

It doesn't bother me.

He can go fuck himself for all I care.

Right on.

So what would you do to improve his show?

Um, well.

He doesn't have a show?

Yeah, he doesn't have a show.

I don't know where that came out from.

Who is this?

Um, well, um, actually, I have a couple of my prank phone calls.

They're on KDK prank radio, or prank, prank call underground radio.

Haven't really.

You're a hosted pranker on KDK's site?

No, no, no, not hosted.

No, but you're on the rotation?

Yeah, they put me on the rotation.

Okay, who's this exactly?

Because I listen to that rotation a lot.

Cyan.

Well, I'm not really, really famed or appreciated for this.

Cyan pranks?

What?

Cyan pranks.

Oh, my God, how did you know?

I know, because I know.

I mean, I heard the voice in my head just said,

Cyan.

It's a Cyan prank, so I could tell by the voice, man.

You'll never forget.

Oh, I got a new one out.

Well, I'm not sure if it's been put in rotation.

Oh, you got a new track.

Tell us about that new track, man.

What inspired you?

Well, basically, me and my friend, next door neighbor,

pretty much gave this Mexican restaurant a call

at about 1 in the morning.

That's open 24 hours.

Okay.

And you know how they can't understand English worth a shit.

No.

We asked them for a certain person involving an inappropriate name,

and they went along with it,

and they started asking the customers

if they were there.

And they just went ahead and said it?

Yeah, it's mad shit.

Wow.

I can send it to you over Yahoo on Madhouse Radio online.

Is that right?

Yahoo.

I can't accept file transfers.

You can email it to madhouseradio at gmail.com.

Okay.

I will do that real quick.

Let me get up my Gmail, and I will send it to you as fast as I can.

Kind of basically it's going to take a while because I've got Windows Vista.

Oh, geez.

Yeah.

I've got a copy of that right here on top of my desk somewhere,

and I haven't installed it, I probably won't for a few months, to be honest with you.

Actually, it works pretty well.

Yeah, but you need at least a gig of RAM, at the very least, if not more.

Oh, I got that. I got that.

Well, I've got a gig now, but I would rather have two, you know, with Vista,

because I've got home premium here, and I want to take advantage of the whole thing, you know.

If I'm going to do it, I want to do it right, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah. What's your highest graphics card you've got in your machines there?

I've got a GeForce 7300GS.

I think that's what I got.

NVIDIA card.

It's an NVIDIA 7300GS.

I just got a 7900GTX today.

Wow.

Oh, I'm in love with it already.

Is that a PCI card?

PCI.

PCI Extreme.

All right, cool.

Me too, man.

Right on.

Extreme is Express.

Yeah.

All right, man.

Well, congratulations on that.

Enjoy that.

What do you got to max that out right now?

What game are you playing?

I recently just became a World of Warcraft addict.

Okay.

And I started a job a while back, and I started making money.

And I saw a trial there in an entertainment store, wherever I was shopping at.

Right.

And I picked it up, and I was like, ah, what the hell.

Give it a shot.

So I gave it a shot, and I'm hooked.

How long was the trial for?

Five days?

Um, 14.

14 days?

But I, well, had already purchased the trial version before it was over, so.

Wow.

Okay, anyways, Madhouse Radio.

Madhouseradio at gmail.com.

okay all right all right man we'll send it in i'll play it it sounds exciting i don't think

i've ever heard of any anything like that before it will be the subject will be titled betos

and i hopefully the name file name is that way i hope betos man hey will betos that's that there's

that that no betos uh mexican that uh 436 that's so that's betos man hey man it's betos don't

call their number for their local number here.

Betos, man.

Huh?

Call their number from that local here.

Yeah, send that to me on the chat or on one of the messengers.

Or email it or include it in the email or something, man.

Okay.

All right, man.

I'm just having a little issue finding it, so I'm going to have to go.

No problem.

Take your time.

We'll be on for a while.

Just email it in, man.

All right.

All right, man.

All right.

See you.

Hey, man.

Looks like I'm not the only wow addict out there

Yeah, that guy's just excited

Yeah

Another thing, honestly I don't think I've ever heard of anybody

Prank calling a Mexican place

Making them say funny names

Lonesome loser just entered

Lonesome loser in the mouth

Alright, good

98.6

Working man in radio

He doesn't work that hard, man

Come on, really

Hawkfan wants us to call the Wawa

what is with these kids

who wanted to call

Wawa

and what is with

this guy Hawkfan

he always wants us

to call a place

as a Nazi

and yell

Heil Hitler

Jesus

this kid's like

obsessed with Nazism

yes it is poop

he's pooperific

man

shut up

alright

I put that in here

three times man

on Friday March 2nd

it's already passed

no but that's when

they made the decision

oh okay

these Republicans

these Republican types

whoever it is

We won't get too into that.

But yeah, do what he said.

Whatever he said, just do it.

I don't know what he said.

I actually have a number here.

Hang on.

Nunu sent in a number to call.

It's an international number.

This is Asda, owned by Walmart.

Basically the Walmart of the UK.

United Kingdom, Britain, for you guys.

A little slow.

And it says that they have withdrawn some t-shirts after complaints by feminists that it is sexist.

What's the shirt have?

Here's an article of it, though.

You see what these shirts are about here.

That's a Glasgow store, he says.

Is it Glasgow in Scotland, or is it actually in Britain?

That's in Scotland, right?

Glasgow's in Scotland?

And, uh, whatever.

Okay, so the shirt says, if at first you don't succeed, buy her another beer.

That's it?

Well, that's stupid.

I thought we know somebody from here.

Who are you?

There's one of our callers this morning.

I don't know.

You sure?

Did you do that?

I put it on there, but...

Yeah, cool.

So, what's the last time?

Yeah, good work, Will.

All right.

I just remember this number.

Well, not the number.

but I remember the city and state

from some previous time.

Well, he'll contact us

if he really wants to get in touch.

You know how to get a hold of us.

It's not going to cost us nothing.

Yeah, I went in for this email here real quick.

Hang on.

And Lonesome Loser is reporting in.

He has confirmed with me already.

So I'm sure he's busy confirming

the first numbers of the night.

Super.

In the meantime,

we're going to try to call this...

We're going to try to call ASDA

in the UK.

Tried to buy one of the t-shirts.

That sounds like a great day.

Hey, where's Jen Stewart, man?

What the hell?

Johnny Cash.

He's taking a nap.

He said he'd be on for the show.

Yeah, all right.

Must have stayed.

I guess he slept in.

Yeah, that's fine.

You're allowed to do that.

It's free country and shit.

Everybody does it once or twice.

Yes, sure, man.

Johnny Cash, you got it.

Anything in particular?

When the man comes around.

I don't have that song.

I've got Folsom Prison Blues, Ring of Fire, Hurt, and God's Gonna Cut You Down.

Play that one.

I'll play this one because you're not telling me.

Hang on, folks.

Next prank call of the night.

First prank call of the night?

God, it's midnight?

Oh, man.

How sad.

We'll be right back after this.

You can run on for a long time.

Long time.

Run on for a long time.

Sooner or later, God will cut you down.

You know I'll leave, I'm gonna cut you down

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For all our inquiries

No matter what, we're gonna be waiting for an hour

You can't pass, fuckers, 3 or 5

Oh, I was just asking about that stupid shirt

Ask for jeans this time, that was our buddy, the greeter

Music and video

Hey, is this the music and video department? Because I've got the wrong department.

Sorry?

Is there anybody in the television clothing?

What is it? Sorry, if you hang on a second.

Hurry up.

How can I help you?

Well, I asked you if there was anybody in the television clothing department.

And I asked you to hang on a second. I was turning the music down.

And then you remembered, and then you asked me again. I mean, what is this?

What kind of way of business is this?

Enter your destination number now.

Did you say welcome to Belsick Oven?

Welcome to Belsick Oven.

You put him in a thing.

Madam, I would like to apologize for my previous transgressions.

Hi, I'm not the person you spoke to before.

Okay, well, I was rude to her, and I would like to apologize to her, but can you help me first?

I'll try, yeah.

Okay, well, the issue is I'm looking for television clothing.

I was looking for the person in that department.

And she kept asking, she's like, what, what?

You know, she kept asking the question again and again.

Well, I'm not too sure what you're asking for either, a TV quote?

Clothing, clothing, ma'am.

Clothing?

For the TV.

Who does clothing?

For the television, you twit.

I'm sorry.

Excuse me?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

You have to phone back and speak to me.

No, no, no, come on, I'm sorry.

Come on, baby, I'm sorry.

Damn.

Please enter your destination number now.

You'll have to go to the back of the line now.

Welcome to Asda Gov'n.

We'll try a different apartment.

For your convenience, we are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

What's 3?

If you require George Coden, please press 1.

If you require music and video desk, please press 2.

2.

For all other inquiries, please hold.

I don't know what department this was. Shit.

Decision on the royalty rates, internet radio webcasters must pay the music industry to license the music we play.

The problem is, the new rates amount to over 100% of even the most successful webcasters' online radio revenues.

Hello, Judge Colvin.

Hey, is this the lady again about the TVs?

And TVs?

Yeah.

Yeah, down at Home Leisure.

What's her name?

No, y'all have had that conversation before.

What the hell, ma'am?

What is your location inside the store, please?

These people just sound like these people.

They're sick.

Assholes.

They think their shit doesn't stink.

This means unless the rates are changed,

most or all of your favorite Internet radio stations will be bankrupt,

and the industry will go silent.

Let your representatives in Congress know you want them to step in

and do something to save Internet radio.

Visit savethestreams.org.

Good morning, I'm the governor.

David Pekin, how can I help you?

At once, finally, I speak to a man.

How are you, sir?

Hi, how are you doing?

I just, I don't, I can't stand the fact that you, this country,

you people have women working in stores like this calling the shots, you know?

Who's that?

I've been hung up on twice by these women.

Who is this calling anyway?

Is he a customer?

Yeah, I'm a customer.

I've been calling in.

I purchased something, and I need to come pick it up,

and it's television clothing, and I've been asking for that department for a while,

and every time I ask for television clothing, these horses ask women here.

You know, they don't understand what I'm talking about.

They hang up on me.

Well, I'll need to find out who's answered the phone, then.

We'll find out.

I need names and badge numbers, please.

Names and badge numbers?

Please, if you can.

Well, I'll need to find out who you spoke to.

How can I help you, anyway?

Well, I'm looking for television clothing.

I made a purchase.

I bought two large television clothings.

Television?

Clothing.

Clothing?

Yeah.

Television clothing?

Yes, sir.

Television clothing.

Yeah.

I don't know what you bastards call it here,

but we call it television clothing back in the states what television clothing is that just

ordinary clothing yeah whatever just it's for the television man the tv the telly what do you guys

call it here the telly machine you know television we call it tv the television machine the tube

television machines off a television machine yeah you got a television machine there no we've got

to tell you to a tv but not a television machine that's what i'm saying that's we call it a

television machine man you know you what are you talking on right now what are you talking to me on

Put it on a telephone?

No, no, no.

The telephone machine.

Uh-huh.

Exactly.

Telephone machine.

An answering machine.

Telephone machine, man.

An answering machine.

What's in your hand right now?

What are you holding?

A telephone.

Telephone machine.

Well, we call it an answering machine.

No, no.

It's just a machine.

Yes.

Well, can you tell me what you're looking for then?

What are you looking for?

How do you get to work in the morning?

Same problem as you, by car.

Yeah?

Well, it's the car machine.

you know? Uh-huh. Yeah, you take the car

machine. Uh-huh, we call it a car.

A car machine. No, no, but it's a car machine.

We call it a car. Yeah.

Well, I don't care what you call it, man, but

I'm looking for television clothing. You see,

we have differences, but together, we make

a pretty good team, you know? Television

clothing? Television clothing, yeah.

Look it up in the manual. Television

clothing? You got an English to American... I have no idea

what you're talking about. Do you have an English to American dictionary

there? No. No?

You sure you don't? It's a pretty big store. No.

Why don't you look it up on your computer machine?

You got any book machines there?

My name is Jack Valente

and I just had a stroke.

Don't forget the stroke part.

Whatever that was.

That was going to happen.

Tokyo expensive to call?

No, we got good deals in Tokyo.

But we're down to 32 minutes internationally.

We might want to stick to nationally now.

Okay, okay.

Outer nationally.

Well, there it is.

Lonesome Loser, that's for you, Nunu.

Congratulations.

First place of the night that we called.

That was them right there.

Let's play this, and if it's funny, then I'll let them be on the air.

And this is 3 minutes and 24 seconds long.

Crazy fuckers calling.

Crazy fucker, you're on the air.

How you doing tonight, Carlito?

I don't know.

I've had two death threats so far.

What are you going to bring to the table?

I gave you a plug today, man.

I was talking to the people on social crime radio earlier today.

I gave you a big plug.

Hell yeah.

Now you're, like, letting me down.

You and your milk, man.

Hey, you know what the best thing of your show is?

Huh?

You know what the best thing of your show is?

Uh, who?

Is letting people call up and talk with you.

That's, uh, you know, maybe that's the point.

Maybe I'm trying to get out of prank calls.

I'm just not feeling it tonight, man.

Okay, then.

Then open up your phone line, man.

I like these fucking people to call you up and talk with you live.

They know you.

I think you've noticed.

Most of them are fucking, they sound like they're about fucking 10 years old.

Sometimes.

Some of them are.

But, hey, actually, you know, they're 37 and got PhDs and are part of Bush's cabinet, right?

The Kenny Boggs.

Hey, all these little retards that I think are 10 years old are actually like 40 years old

and got PhDs and is working at Bush's cabinet, Karl Rove.

No, I know the shit I know, and you know the shit that you've been programmed with, right?

Like, you think Karl Rove is some motherfucker?

Well, here's all I'm going to tell you, man.

Here's all I can tell you.

All the little boys and girls out there who love America and love freedom,

then please stay home and protect the people around you and your own freedom.

Protect the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

I believe in prank call radio, I believe in, uh, the shit that comes out of my butt, too, so don't-

Well, hey, man, that's something tangible.

Don't pay no attention to what fucking I say, man, it's alright.

It's fucking something tangible right there.

Have a nice day.

Alright.

He's the most awkward person when he hangs up.

Lord have mercy.

God, man.

You gotta love the guy, though.

Not in that way, but, you know.

I like him.

Hello, phone number?

What?

You hear me?

Okay, who are you looking for?

I'm looking for a motherfucker.

For who?

motherfucker motherfucker yes oh that is i think oh come on come on man she knows who motherfucker

is classic sign prank she knows who she knows who motherfucker is right come on man she knows

what that means doesn't she i might have gotten the wrong phone number

all right okay i get the gist of it you say funny damn and

I get it

It's cool, man

Right on, Cyan

I mean, yeah

It is what it is, man

It's a good call

It's not a bad call

You know

It is a good call

I'm sure there are

I've heard his calls that are good

I've heard good calls

I've seen Cyan Pranks

I've heard a good call and said

Who the fuck is that?

And I look at the stream

And it's just Cyan Pranks

I'm like, fuck yeah, Cyan Pranks

Cyanpranks.com

Yeah

Cyanpranks.com

Is that his website?

Hang on, he's calling back.

I guess we'll put him on.

Sign, sir.

Hi, can I stick my olive in your garden?

Of course.

Olive in my garden?

What the shit is that?

Oh, my God.

Okay.

Yeah, it was a call.

No, you didn't listen to the rest

because that's the point is to listen to the rest.

Oh, we have it here.

You're not going to be able to hear it.

I can keep playing it.

Hang on.

Yeah, I will.

No, wait, wait.

Hang on.

I need to edit it down.

It's kind of weird.

All right, go out and pick up my attention here.

Does she actually end up yelling it out?

Yeah.

She does actually end up yelling it out? Okay.

Yeah, and I had to put my phone on mute there for a sec because I didn't want to.

Oh, you didn't want to come back. I understand. That's fine. Don't worry about it.

It's too bad about the delay.

You know, at one point I'll be able to make it so you can hear what's going on on the show as you're calling.

Well, actually, that's fine because that's just buffering.

Oh, okay. Right.

It's just buffering, so it's not really going to go away any time soon.

No, no, you don't understand what I'm talking about.

But, yeah.

It's okay.

Actually, I don't.

You're right.

Okay, you want to do a prank call?

Go for shit.

Okay.

This one here is called Hijinx, and a guy answered there about 20 minutes ago, so hopefully he's still there.

Okay, well, I need to.

Say a random word to me, and something will come to mind.

Beans.

Beans?

Yes, sir.

All right.

All right, good luck.

All right, this is Cyan from Cyan Pranks.

Do you have a website or an e-mail address that you want to plug or something?

Now's the time.

We may lose you.

No, I suck.

Okay, good deal.

Hang on, everybody.

We'll be right back with the next prank call of the night.

Milkman, I'm excited.

Hello.

Hi, sir.

Hello.

I believe we met the other day, and you were – basically, what I'm trying to get across here is I had eaten a lot of beans that day,

and I'm sorry if I – I just wanted to call and apologize for the other day.

Sorry if I took a shit all over you.

That was really uncalled for.

Are you still there?

Yeah.

That sounds like the shit's running out your ears, not your ass.

So I'd take a nap if I was you.

Um, okay.

Great.

I will go sleep and take a shit then.

Does that sound good to you?

Okay, I think the lamer hung up.

What a bastard.

Hang on, let me try to get the line back here.

And he's not responding.

Well, any second now we'll be able to call him back if you'd like.

Or we also have Keith's Cookies.

Keith's.

You know what I'm trying to say?

Keith's.

Queef?

No, no, no.

You know a guy named Keith?

Keith.

His cookies.

Keith's cookies.

I can't talk.

Keith's cookies.

Type it to me in Yahoo.

Yahoo.

Okay.

What kind of accent is that?

Where are you from?

My accent.

Yeah, what region of the country or what state, if you're not paranoid enough to...

Mormon County.

Okay.

That would be Utah.

Okay.

Keith's cookies, right.

Okay.

All right, I'll take care of the dialing, all right? Hang on.

Hi, I got a little issue to complain about.

You guys cook cookies, right?

You make them home-baked and shit like that?

Uh-huh.

Okay, well, yeah, I'm having a little issue.

And, see, I really don't know how to explain this.

How else can I explain this?

But I believe that the cookies I bought the other day from your store in Honolulu,

Um, I'm afraid there were pubic hairs on them, and that is just gross and disgusting.

I mean, how could pubic hairs be on them in the first place?

What, is the chef back there, whoever's cooking them, what are they doing back there?

I don't know, the girls all wear hairnets.

Oh my lord, it's girls?

Well, where did you buy this at?

Your Honolulu store.

Well, where is that at?

Uh, Honolulu, Hawaii.

Um, because we only distribute to the stores.

What store was this at?

It was one of the local stores that you were distributing to.

I go there to buy my groceries and stuff, and then...

Do you know what store, the name of the store that you went to?

No, it was just a once-a-stop-and-go thing, you know?

But really...

But we don't sell to Macy's department store.

Really? Do you distribute nationwide as well?

No, we don't have any stores on the mainland.

Right. Well, basically what I'm trying to get across here is that you really need to, I believe the chicks who are working and making these cookies really need to take their hands out of their cunts because that is absolutely fucking disgusting. Pardon my French. Do you get my... here, sir?

Yep. I'll talk to them, but...

Okay, tell them to take...

I don't know where, what, if you can help me on what store that I can, you know, follow up on.

All stores, for Christ's sake, all stores, I don't care who the fuck you have to call,

just tell them to take their hands out of their goddamn vaginas.

Okay.

And that's, that's gross.

And I'm not going to put up with that shit.

Alright.

Come to Honolulu for a nice vacation, alright, and what do I get?

Pubic hairs in my mouth.

You think that's pleasant?

You think I flew all the way to Honolulu just to have a bunch of pubic hairs in my mouth?

If I wanted that, I would go to some, some park where gay guys are cruising there and

just have them, you know.

Okay.

I'll, I'll, I'll talk to him.

Have you ever had an experience like this before?

No.

For example, like you suck a guy's cock and then, and then you get pubes all in your mouth, for example?

Something like that?

No, I don't do those things.

That was like, that was, well, why not?

For example, because, for example, that is like the experience that I had.

So pretty much if you're having cookies from your own teeth sore, then you're pretty much sucking cock.

Because you're having pubes in your mouth.

Or, no, wait, wait, wait. My bad. No, eating pussy. How about that?

Does that work for you? Is that better for you? Does that turn you on?

No.

Okay, so then what turns you on, huh?

You know what? I'm going to end this conversation, okay?

Okay, that's great.

I'll talk to the girls.

Tell them to take their hands out of their cunts. They're a bunch of bitches.

Okay.

And I'm sorry for being so rude to you, but I'm very blunt, and I'm not going to lie.

Okay.

I will not.

If you can help me on what store you went to, then it's easier for me to follow up on it.

We're not in very many stores.

Okay.

You do distribute to a Macy's in Honolulu, am I correct?

Yes.

Yes, and this would be on the north side of Honolulu, or south side, I think.

It would be on the south side.

Yes, south side, that's south, yes.

Yes, south, south, yes, that is the south side.

Yes, the problem was in your South Macy's store.

This is an issue. Please get it fixed. I've got to go. I've got to catch my flight in a couple of hours. I'm part of the Mile High Club. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Talk to you later.

All right. You have a fantastic evening, whatever time you Mexicans have over there, whatever. Bye-bye.

All right, man.

I don't know anything about one.

I got you on speakerphone.

Oh, you do?

Yeah. There's about 15 people over here listening to you. Make some noise, everybody.

Yo, what up, y'all? Hey!

All right.

All right, ma'am.

Well, hey, thank you for calling in, Mr. Cyan.

Call me.

Damn, I need to think of a new name.

Whatever, man.

It's my new name, though, because that's better.

Whatever.

All right.

All right, talk to you later.

All right, kid.

Later, man.

Well, Milkman, I'm...

All right, that was that Rev kid.

I'm excited, Milkman, that you lined up that caller, man.

I mean, that's...

Wow, that's...

Thank you for putting that guy on.

I think I feel the Holy Ghost right now.

That Rev kid is great.

He sounds just like Rev.

Oh, man.

You got cocks in your mouth?

Is that a prank call that ripped it?

You have cocks in your mouth?

That's nice.

Hey, what kind of rate do you think your card gets to Iraq, man?

I don't know.

Probably 50 card.

We'll find out.

Hang on.

We're going to try to call the Minister of Foreign Affairs,

Karadat Miriam in Baghdad,

the Republic of, my favorite republic, Will, Iraq.

What time is it?

Noon?

Lunchtime?

I don't know.

They can wake the asses up.

Are they banging their heads at this time of day?

They're probably getting blown up.

Sown to bits.

Hang on, folks.

We're going to try here.

We're going to...

Sown to bits.

We're going to be right back with an Iraqi prank call.

Another first year by the Madhouse crew.

It's Milkman's idea.

All right, Milkman.

What color?

White power bill.

Badger, man.

Why do I know?

Milkman, we can't call anybody.

We don't have a phone card.

There was no time.

Phone card's dead, yeah.

Couldn't even get through.

it never let me get through

good song Will

towards B.I.G

dead

murdered

by Tupac

who faked his own death

to come back and kill him

and now they can't try him

because of Double Jeopardy

that's how it works

I figured it out

after I got drunk

and watched that movie

Time Cop

try it

then you'll understand

alright

we don't have another phone card

so it looks like

we are actually

probably going to be wrapping up

here soon Milkman

no options

it's alright

you're sick

you know

I got stuff to do

what was that song you were playing

the second one or the first one sir

I don't know was it Kill Bill or something

from Kill Bill that's Nancy Sinatra

Frank Sinatra's daughter

the song is called Bang Bang

B-A-N-G

I like the sound of the guitar man that nice spinner

that is man right on

send me a song later will you

sure man right after the show

we're going to end here in about by 1 o'clock

we're going to be out of here

sorry to let you down everybody

but we know when to stop

While we're ahead, I wanted to announce real quick that the podcast will be updated tomorrow with three new episodes.

Two of them have been edited.

There's one left.

It's in progress right now, so check that out.

Also, there's going to be a big update to the madhouselive.com website.

That is our website.

That's going to be tomorrow as well, tomorrow night.

Madhouselive.com.

Check that out tomorrow.

We're going to have instructions there on how to listen to the show while you're on the phone, you know, on the phone, listening to the show on the phone.

What else?

oh yeah that's right i'm now officially a part of uh of that show on regular radio well what's

what's the name of the show i forgot freaking geeks freaking geeks free s that's the name of

the show freaking geeks are you for real yes i'm on a show called freaking geeks yes oh shit

freaking geeks on wprk fm and their website is i don't know look it up i don't know what it is

fucking but i'm there uh tuesday mornings at 1 a.m from 1 to 3 a.m i'm co-hosting that show

starting, uh, well, starting

this week. I'm not. Don't

do it. Cancel it. Sorry, man.

You need some rest. I need some rest, too.

We're out of here. All I gotta say.

I wanna thank Warrior. I wanna thank

Warrior for letting us be on here on the Satellite Link

Up, man. Say what's up real quick. You don't

ever talk. Alright.

That's the Warrior, everybody.

This is the kind of show we're having today.

Ah, damn it.

Oh, getting some food, huh?

Yeah, man, I could go for some Chinese food right now, Will.

Is there a 24-hour Chinese food around here?

Broadway's open until 2, but I don't know what they deliver.

Broadway's open until 3 on Friday or something.

They deliver beer, too.

You know that?

Yes, sir.

And then a Broadway pizza.

Everybody go to broadwaypizza.com.

Milkman, thanks.

You know?

Get better.

Save it.

Yeah.

Hey, can you call me after the show, Milkman, about 20 minutes after?

Hello?

God, yeah, that's it.

We're out of here.

I'm done.

Just let it ring, man, and then call me, and then I'll call you right back.

All right, man.

No problem.

I'll look out of it right now.

Yeah, whatever.

Hey, thanks, everybody.

for trying to listen. We'll do a better show next week.

MadHouseLive.com and all that

good stuff. See you next week, everybody.

Take it easy. Later.

Calls (9, 23 min of 52 min)

Transcript

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