2007-07-26 Show

98.6.

M.L.

And who plays What Happens in America?

Well, we steamed your ass in World War II.

What do you have to do?

We never did.

And who helped you out just now?

You piss off, woman.

Don't talk to me like that.

We don't need you anyway, bitch.

Um, fuck you.

Call me a stinky, stinky fucker.

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Sting has always gone ahead of itself.

They have done it again and again and again.

I remember the year they brought in the fat boys that were hotter than 10,000 firesides.

And if you know, if you enjoy hip-hop, if you want one of the coldest brothers to go like this,

what the heck is this?

Everybody out there listening tonight,

take the time now to stop everything you're doing and go like this.

just get that evilness out of your gut like that milkman give us a come on you sound like you're

a dead ghost a dead ghost milkman milkman's a dead ghost come on what kind of dead what kind

of ghost is not a dead ghost is there such a thing as a living ghost there's a living spirit

i think you could be a living spirit it's an undead ghost the undead holy ghost is here with

with us tonight great jesus's ghost is here tonight everybody we're excited about that

lord have mercy mercy father father recorders will be joining us later uh tonight in the uh

the top of the hour so we have that to look forward to father mccorder's calling in tonight

all right man we got a big show tonight we got father recorders on the line i can't wait yes sir

here we are madhouse radio is starting it is now 10 24 p.m eastern standard time and i'm excited

I'm excited about doing the show.

I hope you are, too.

I'm excited to listen to it.

Because you're not doing the show.

I'm doing the show, okay?

Tough guy.

You sit there and listen.

You listen to the show.

I make show for you.

If you're on the messengers, the messenger way to message us tonight in your messaging ways,

if you're on AOL Instant Messenger or Yahoo Messenger,

you want to go ahead and type in the username MadhouseRadio on AOL Instant Messenger and Yahoo Messenger.

That's how you do that.

Big whoop.

If you're using MSN Messenger, you'll reach us at madhouselive.com.

Again, that's madhouselive.com.

That's how you'll reach us on that tip.

And if you didn't have a chance to copy that down, just go to madhouselive.com.

Madhouselive.com is the home page, the grand central station of prank calls on the Internet.

So go there.

Hey, it's pretty there.

Join the new newsletter.

Sign up for your free newsletter.

and what's going on with the insane and mad out.

The newsletter, yes, that's right, Milkman.

Milkman, can you do something about the bass in your voice?

Can you take down the bass?

You have a lot of bass.

You sound like Tone Loke over there, man.

Okay, well, that's just my natural.

Go kick yourself in the nuts and then start talking.

Oh, I'm excited.

There we go.

That's the Milkman we all know and love.

Milkman is here.

What's up, Milkman?

How you doing, bro?

How's your week been?

Yeah, yeah, man.

Man, I am really happy to be back and count my pins and praise the Lord and the wonderful

spirit of Jesus and all of the folks out there.

We're going to have some freaking fatty fun.

Madhouse style.

I hope so.

I'm with that big Mayan.

That's right.

I'm excited about the show.

We're going to do some pranks.

We'll see where things take us.

Please don't put any pressure on me.

I don't need any pressure, if you don't mind.

Thank you.

If you want to call us in toll-free, Milkman,

what's that number going to be tonight for them to call us toll-free here tonight?

Okay, let's see.

Our current number is 888-278-509.

888-278-509.

10-4, that's very correct.

Good work, Milkman, good work.

1-0-2-0.

1-0-10-20.

I don't know, 10-20, 4-20.

Um, yeah, so if you want to reach us, yeah, yeah, again, the toll-free line is 888-278-8509.

That's how you reach us here tonight.

So do that.

I'll produce and light up your bowl.

All right, do that.

That's about it.

You know, we got an email address.

Go to the, go to the webpage and figure it out, okay?

I don't have time for that right now.

Just don't feel like it, okay?

Um, I don't have any news to talk about.

Nothing, no news tonight.

Not that I know of.

Michael Vick is still in trouble.

Oh, Lindsay Lohan, huh?

No fan.

Do you know about that?

Yeah, man.

She's a mess as always.

Dude, she five days out of rehab got pulled over for a DUI

and I guess at the same time had cocaine in her possession.

Wow.

I know, right?

Lindsay Lohan was found with cocaine in her possession.

How unfortunate for her.

Something, huh?

What are we going to do about that?

Nothing.

We can't do nothing about it.

That's her problem, you know?

Leave her alone.

What about that crazy-ass air crash in Brazil, man?

Did you hear that shit?

I heard there was, like, five air crashes, like, in a span of, like, five days.

Wasn't there, like, a plane that ran off the runway, like, on Wednesday or something?

Did it go to Brazil?

Yeah, man.

It just, like, went, like, cruising down a runway and forgot to, like, hit the up button

and just kept going, cruising forward.

Yeah, and it just crashed right there off the end of the runway.

Oh, man.

The engine went, like, you know?

That was it.

It was gone.

Exactly.

It's some damn good shit, man.

We have audio of that here.

Here we go.

This is breaking audio of the plane crashing.

We got this from our source, ARM.

This is a Madhouse exclusive.

Are you ready to hear that?

There we go.

Oh, my God.

That's horrific.

That was terrifying.

That's horrific.

That was almost as bad as 9-1-1.

Just about.

Hell.

Do I have any air?

Let me see what airplane sound effects I might have here, man.

Let's try to play one here.

Let's see what this is.

That's just like the cabin sound.

That's not what we're looking for.

Yeah, yeah, no.

Let's try this one.

That's too pleasant.

Yeah.

Oh, so here it is.

That's the one I was looking for.

Exclusive audio here.

There it is.

That's it.

That's a clip off the Pink Floyd there, Dark Side of the Moon, you know?

No, which one is it?

Where he's running through the, yeah, where he's running right through the airport, man.

What's the name of that?

Right just before breathe.

On the run?

On the run, isn't it?

On the run, that's it.

there we go this is the plane going down right here everybody the plane going down to brazil

live on the mouth here everybody just a moment we'll be right back with the first prank call

of the night we are going to be calling uh the lucky charm hotel in emmitsburg iowa this comes

from lonesome loser first prank call of the night in just one moment stand by stand by please

Oh, man.

Wow.

Hot it back up.

It's about to the climax.

Don't mind the rabbit approach.

That's something you don't want to hear.

What do you do if you're flying a plane?

You know, if you're an airplane pilot.

I was reading online.

I was doing some research on these planes that go down.

You know the airplanes that go down sometimes, Milkman, right?

Unfortunately, it happens sometimes.

I've heard that.

Sometimes they do go down.

There was this plane that went down in 96, in December of 96,

and apparently the pilot lost the ability to climb the plane, like make it climb.

So they were headed, and they were flying over Brazil, like over these mountains,

and they were getting ready to, you know, it's funny, you know, it was in Brazil, as a matter of fact.

I was looking up Brazilian airline disasters, and it was this big 747,

and they pretty much knew they were headed right for this mountain,

like they were going to hit it in about 60 seconds, and they couldn't climb at all.

All they could do was go down or turn left or turn right.

They were going to hit the huge mountain range eventually in a matter of minutes right in front of them.

So, I mean, wouldn't that kind of suck?

Like, you know, what do you do as a captain?

Would you get on the PA system at that point and say, hey, this is your captain speaking.

We've lost the ability to climb.

We're about to hit a mountain, and thank you very much.

Thank you for flying American Airlines.

airlines what do you do at that point do you just say you know see would you warn them at least and

say hey you have two minutes to live what are you going to do or do you just let them die like

of course man i would let them kiss your ass goodbye and thank you for flying madhouse

airlines you crazy bastards no refunds i would tell them you know i what i'd first would do is

I'd say, for the next two minutes, drinks are on the house.

And then about 15 seconds before it hits, I'd get on and say,

ladies and gentlemen, we're about to hit a mountain range.

Thank you and good night, you know, or something like that.

Who's note the no smoking sign is now turned off?

I don't know.

Ignorance is bliss, I think.

The passenger seatbelt sign is now off.

Let's party.

We have finally gone ahead and turned off.

About 90 seconds to get the big fuck on.

Yeah, exactly, yeah.

Everybody, it's orgy time.

The plane is about to crash.

The plane is about to crash, everybody.

And drinks are on the house.

So, yeah.

No, no, no.

That's not what I'm trying to say.

It's unfortunate what happens with planes and stuff, right?

We don't want to see that happen again ever in America.

That's why.

What goes up must come down.

Down, that's right.

Hey, what's that song, man?

Spinning Wheel, right?

What goes up?

I don't have that song.

I need to get that song, man.

Ouch.

We should play that.

Ouch what?

Okay.

Man, my plane just crashed.

You didn't hear my ass there?

I said, ouch, ouch, ouch.

The plane just went down.

All right.

It's over, everybody.

The plane has crashed.

All right.

But darkness falls away tomorrow as a madhouse plane is landed.

That's right.

We're just having a good time here, folks.

We'll do some more prank calls in a moment.

Well, we haven't done any yet.

We tried to.

We got a wrong number and a service number.

Our victims have been cooperative.

Yes, that's right.

We're Lonesome Loser here, of course.

Hey, Lonesome Loser, man.

Good looking out, bro.

I'm talking now.

Pour some liquor for Lonesome Loser tonight, everybody, if you can.

If you don't mind.

Do that for Mr. Lonesome Loser.

Hardest working man in radio.

Blah, blah, blah.

You got to learn something new.

We always say the hardest working man in prank call radio.

We got to come up with something better for Lonesome Loser.

You know, we got to give him a title.

Right, man.

The Flatulent Snake.

The Numbers Hit Man.

I want the Flatulent Snake.

The Flatulent Snake.

Lonesome Loser, everybody.

Coming through with numbers.

The Multiple Lover.

Lonesome Loser.

We'll call him the Multiple Lovers.

I like that.

The multiple lover, the respectful, lonesome loser, of course,

doing a good job confirming numbers tonight.

The multiple lover, man.

So, yeah.

Dude, what the fuck with Michael Vick, huh?

He's fighting pit bulls, man.

Can you believe that shit?

What is this?

Did this guy steal up that?

Yeah, he's in big-ass trouble over it.

They banned him from training camp, from Atlanta Falcons training camp this week, man.

That's news of the week.

I don't really see him being able to play NFL football at all this coming season.

He will not.

My bet here, I'll tell you what.

Bill, if you might cut the music, I'm going to make a bet with the audience.

You know, these always go great.

Okay, hold on, hold on.

Here we go.

All right.

Turn the music down here.

I bet that if Michael Vick gets to play NFL football this season, if he gets to play,

all right, we'll say he needs to play a majority of the season,

A majority number of games that the Falcons play, starting from the preseason,

if he plays more games than he sits or is not allowed to play,

if he ends up doing more, I will enlist in the Army.

I promise you that.

I swear here upon the great God that I will enlist in the Army.

You're going to shave your locks?

I will enlist in the Army.

I'll do it live on the air.

You're going to be getting a crew cut.

We're going to get an Army recruiter here.

I'm not kidding.

We're going to get an Army recruiter here,

and we will have me enlist in the U.S. Army live on the air

if Michael Vick plays more games than he has to sit out this coming season.

We will see, everybody.

Who is the man?

Roll up, roll up.

Do your lift, do your lift.

So mark that on your calendars or whatever it is you need to do,

but keep a tally of what happens with Michael Vick.

Because you might see me go to war, everybody.

Are you army nuts out there?

We may have a division of a madhouse militia.

A full division.

I'm going to have to, I mean, these people, you know, people like Dr. Lego, they'll hold me to my word, you know.

They'll fire me.

You know, Dr. Lego has, once again, talked about kicking me off the air.

Unfortunately, Dr. Lego.

He owns the internet.

I know.

No, but seriously, Dr. Lego, the last we heard is that he's getting ready to come on a decision

on whether or not we're going to be allowed to stay on the air or not.

So everybody, be sure to email Dr. Lego.

Oh, my Lord.

DrLego at gmail.com, I believe, is his email.

And if you're on AOL Instant Messenger, you want to talk to Get In Space.

That is Dr. Lego.

And ask him to please not allow Madhouse Radio to be taken off the air.

We can't operate.

He's trying to kick us off the air.

And we need you folks to help us stay on the air.

So please do that as soon as possible.

We appreciate it.

Leggo, you hard ass.

Yeah.

Hannibal in the chat room, who may be or may not be Lonesome Loser, says,

I think he plea bargains, does community service at least, and gets suspended for the whole year.

At worst, he sees two years in prison and his NFL career is over.

Yeah, that's, yeah, dude.

His whole career could be over, dude.

I mean, this is like, he's fucked up like fucking Mike Tyson's fucked up.

Hey, Athena, what's up, man?

Like Daryl Strawberry?

Daryl Strawberry?

Yeah, there was another one, huh, with the cocaine.

Remember we had Colin Kanser and everybody was like, oh, we love Daryl Strawberry.

And the next year he gets busted for coke.

Fucking Daryl Strawberry, such a loser.

He was the worst fucking outfielder in all of the fucking National League Baseball.

Did he have some action doll or something for like a couple, like six months or something?

The Daryl Strawberry action doll or something?

Something?

I don't know.

But I do know that Barry Bonds is getting ready to break Hank Aaron's record.

Or did he break it already?

Anybody know?

Did he do it yet?

I don't know.

I know he was about to.

I don't care because he's a steroid-taking ass.

And I don't recognize him.

I believe Hank Aaron still owns the record for most home runs hit in a career.

You want to hear something really sad?

I remember when I was a younger old bastard when he broke the record.

Yeah.

And it came from Babe Ruth.

You know that damn Babe Ruth made a great candy bar.

Well, oh yeah.

Milkman, I'll be honest with you, I wasn't paying attention to what you were saying.

Can you give me a notes, a quick notes thing about?

I should, yes.

I remember when I was a young whippersnapper, when Henry took the record from Babe Ruth,

the famous founder of a great candy bar, Babe Ruth.

All right.

All right, everybody, look, this is serious news with Dr. Leggo.

if you can please please do everything you can to get a hold of dr lego and however it is you

get hold of him but yeah uh ted is confirming that yes barry bonds barry barry bonds has had

death threats barry bonds has can you believe that jesus wow yeah yeah u.s bongs barry u.s

bongs i don't know barry bonds is a jerk all right everybody we're here they don't make u.s bongs

did they make u.s bongs those used to be the baddest freaking bongs there was man i don't

get into that whole bong brand of bongs like i always knew like i talked to people they'd be

like yeah i got this new blah blah blah bong i'm like yeah huh he's like yeah it's a designer bong

you know it's made by this designer artist bong guy i'm like wow yeah it sounds like it's a great

deal right there that sounds like something i'd really be into i've seen like ceramic

but back in the 70s man in the 80s they had this like excellent lucite bongs man and they were

calibrated like I guess

the volume of them and the way the size

of the nozzle was that whenever you

took a hit, man, it just put the

proper mixture

of oxygen, air

and smog in your lungs to blow

your mind. Nice, man.

I've never done that stuff before.

You know what I hate? I hate bong water.

Bong water makes me wretch, man.

It's nasty. That whole process

of doing that. But don't do drugs

everybody and do not

Don't smoke weed.

I don't recommend it.

Take it from me.

This is your brain on drugs.

Yeah, this is your brain on drugs, everybody.

Right there.

You'd be like Zolar and Dr. Lego.

That's how they operate.

Well, we're going to continue doing more show here.

Another prank call coming up.

We have Lord Spoon is sending in numbers here.

He's sending the number for the singing psychic.

There we go.

We have a guy named Michael Vick.

Probably not the Michael Vick.

But, A. Michael Vick, we have the prayer line.

We have the 7-Eleven store.

Milkman, 7-Eleven store we have, man.

7-Eleven.

We got to call a prayer line.

All right, man.

Father McQuartus, just call the prayer line.

Dave the Hippie, Denny's Restaurant.

Some faggot named Paul and Pizza Hut.

Yeah.

Lord Spoon.

Pizza Hut.

Oh, my.

Watch out.

Lord Spoon, everybody.

Lord Spoon, Lonesome Loser.

Multiple Lover.

You got some competition out there, my friend.

Anyway, we're going to do another call here.

Did you see what I sent you there in the G-Talk?

No, Milkman.

Did you send me something in G-Talk?

All right.

Let's see here.

I mean, for my shenanigans, you're sure.

What is it with John?

Oh, you're sure.

You're sure.

Nunu really loves talking to this John Provost guy.

I mean, what's the deal, sir?

He is a flakeball, and he definitely is flaming and silly and easily gullible.

I think that's the point with Nunu.

and why he wants another call because there was only one executed on him.

So he's Timmy from the Black and White Lassie TV shows, is that correct?

Right, right.

Okay.

I heard the call, and he sounds just, he sounds like, well, you know,

he's like, oh, my goodness, such a brute.

Yeah, he looked like he was going to be a homo running around with a,

running around that stupid gay female dog.

Nothing against the gay kin and folk there, but just that when he came on,

I was like, wow, dude.

It's like, there's like, get the fire extinguisher out.

Yes, get it out.

Man, the flames are upon us.

My children, the flames are upon us.

We're going to call the prayer line, I think.

I really want to touch on the prayer line.

Got some ideas for that.

Oh, yeah.

And after that, we're going to call new news, lonesome losers numbers here.

Yeah, we'll get to Jeff Probst.

One step closer to the...

Just a moment, folks.

Let's see what we do here.

There's a fizz on the phone.

It goes fizz.

Why does something tell me that Lord Spoon is not confirming his phone number?

Victory World Outreach.

If you've reached this recording, you'll need to come away from our desk.

Okay.

So please, leave your name and phone number.

Well, that's not going to work, everybody.

They're not answering the phone right now.

Hey, Milkman, you hear that?

Hello, we're at the business center.

Yes.

Good.

Michael Vick, 7-Eleven, Dave the Hippie, Denny's Restaurants.

We have other numbers of yours that we'll be calling.

Thank you, everybody.

Milkman, be quiet.

You know, Milkman, I'm going to put you on timeout here pretty soon.

All right, now.

All right, he's trying to get me upset, man.

Be cool.

All right, man.

I'll put you on timeout, Milkman.

All right.

Hey, oh, there's news.

Speaking of dough, the Simpsons movie.

Friday.

Tomorrow.

Hell.

I wonder, you know what?

We should call a movie theater.

I'm sure there's a movie theater somewhere out there

that's playing the Simpsons movie at midnight tonight

in an hour and 12 minutes.

If you know of a movie theater that might be doing that

and they might answer the phone,

test to see if they're answering the phone first for us if you could.

But after that, we'd like to give them a call.

Talk some Simpsons talk.

You know what I'm saying?

All right.

Win quick, nudge nudge.

Let's see if that happens.

In the meantime, we're going to Lonesome Loser here for a moment.

We're going to call the Humpty's Bar and Grill.

The Humpty's Bar and Grill.

Having a good time there, Milkman?

Having a good time there?

Hey, Milkman, there's no more echo, so I guess you can play the guitar, huh?

Can?

You can.

Yeah, let's play some Stairway to Heaven, man.

Give us some Stairway to Heaven while we do this call.

Okay.

Dude.

All right, Milkman, you're going to have to turn your gain up or play the guitar a lot louder than that, bro.

You should wail on it or something.

Well, actually, it's just the mic kind of in there.

Yeah.

It's not actually in there.

Well, try to get the mic close to it or something, man.

You know what I'm saying?

You can do it.

Yep.

Or turn your settings to constant on temporarily while you do that.

You know what I mean?

Uh-huh.

There we go.

Milkman will now play Stairway to Heaven.

Milkman, take it away.

That's a hard one to do, Milkman.

I'm getting an echo, dude.

That's a hard one.

You're still getting an echo?

I'm getting an echo bad, dude.

Is it bad, really?

Yeah, that's what's messing me up.

Oh, it's because you're picking it up right there where you're at.

That's probably why.

Yeah.

Thank you.

You're murdering it.

Sing it, Milkman.

Come on.

We're going to sing Stairway to Heaven tonight.

night there's a sign upon the wall motherfucker and the hedgerows in the bathroom yeah yeah man

that's right all right that's enough milkman i'm gonna cut you off you're losing it

seriously i cut off milkman temporarily and recalling the humpty's dmp barn girl i'm sorry

about that outburst everybody i just felt the need to sing stairway to heaven we've all felt

it before right back with the next prank call in a moment this is hump yeah no this is this i am

peter i am peter cooper stains no that's my name that's right this song depresses me man that's

what i blame it on that that's a very depressing and sad song this is more like it here let's get

pumped up yeah sing along everybody

oh that one we played that recently you want to hear that again sir

The good.

It's more peppy.

It definitely about beats the mood.

All right, let's try that then.

Here we go.

Here comes the next prank call of the night, everybody.

The nightclub.

The private club, yes.

A private club.

Can you spring that as a private?

Anywhere in Utah, in order to serve liquor, if you are not a restaurant, you have to be a private club.

Okay, so do I need to pay a fee?

Come down.

If you have ID and are over 21, you can get a membership.

It's $5 for a temporary, which is good for three weeks, or $20 for an annual, which is...

All right, so I'll give you $5, and you're going to let me come in for three weeks unpaid?

That's how it works, yeah. Any club in town, same way.

Now, what kind of benefits do I get with this arrangement, sir?

What was that?

What kind of benefits come with this arrangement, sir?

With a membership, you have to be a member to come into the club.

So it gets me into the club, then?

Yep.

Okay. Now, at that point, my alcohol is free as well, then, I assume, as being a member?

No.

No. Is there a VIP membership that perhaps includes the price of alcohol and liquor?

Nope.

Sir, I am a drinking connoisseur, and I am appalled at the state of affairs here in Utah, sir,

where you must pay not only for the membership,

but you don't even get a bleeding discount, sir.

Right. That's the law.

You know, you polygamists all think that you can run the way I gamble

and the way I drink my liquor.

Let me tell you something.

You're not my daddy, and you don't pay my bills.

You have been disconnected.

Please enter your destination number.

Call me right back.

We seem to have been disconnected.

Yes, hello.

Yes, I'd like to first of all apologize for my use of the word sir.

Sir, you see, I'm a southern gentleman, and I'm not used to speaking to other women in this manner over the phone.

I usually respect women to the utmost degree.

You understand my apologies for perhaps having upset you in a prior conversation.

Hang on one second.

Yes, ma'am.

What were you saying?

Yes, sir.

I just wanted to apologize, sir, for my treatment of you just momentarily early when I called you on the phone.

And I am truly interested in perhaps receiving this membership.

Now, do you accept cash or any type of charge card?

Both.

Both?

All right, now, do you accept the JCB card?

Runs like a debit or a credit card, then yes.

If not, then no.

Okay, well, no.

It's from the Japanese Credit Bureau.

Probably not, then.

If it just runs like a regular credit card, then it would be accepted.

If not, then no.

God damn it!

Damn it!

That noise you get when the cell phone gets close.

Guys, shut up!

You know what I'm saying?

Can you hear that?

Is that you on your end?

Do you have that phone?

I do have a background.

Well, do you have a cell phone around that perhaps is causing interference on the phone line?

Do you know there's policy not to have a cell phone on the floor?

I'm asking, is that the case where you work?

Are you a...

Okay.

Are you serious?

Are you kidding me?

Get real.

Get real and wake up.

Okay?

Look around you and what it is you're doing.

You're charging money for people of the cloth to come in to partake in imbitements, sir.

Do you understand what that is?

That's disgusting.

You saw a law, and I'm going to let you go now.

All right, Will.

You're going to hell.

Okay, we're going somewhere.

You have $6.79.

No, Will is not calling.

Dr. Ligon is calling his cell phone like a dumbass.

He's supposed to call the toll-free line.

Milkman, what is that line, sir?

Very good, Milkman.

Thank you, sir.

Very well done.

Yes.

Man, my back's killing me, man.

Totally, like, I have back issues.

I got back issues.

Back shoes.

Shoes. I have back shoes. Back issues.

Back issues at Penthouse?

No. Penthouse is a little too dirty for me. I stuck to Playboy. I like to be classy, even when I was a youngster, sir.

Oh, I thought you smoked pipe now.

What did you like to read back in your bachelor days, Milkman? What was your favorite jerking magazine?

Were you into Hustler or what exactly? Barely Legal? What was your M.O.?

Oh, no, no, no. It started out with Penthouse, because that's really all it was.

And when they got some better stuff, we moved up to Jugs.

Now, you know, there's a certain point in a young boy's life when he gets his hand on a Playboy,

and a Playboy just doesn't do it anymore, and you've got to go with Hustler.

I've got a long history with Playboys. Sad and demanding.

My dad started collecting Playboy from the very first issue that they played.

He had crates of them, even when I was a kid.

I couldn't remember when I was, like, four years old.

I opened up the Playboy, and I know I wasn't supposed to look at it,

but I remember seeing these, like, pretty pictures.

Now, seeing the pictures, I was like, oh, what is so pretty?

Huh.

Well, Milkman, we got a flash quiz.

The first issue of Playboy, who was in it, sir?

What?

Who was in the first issue of Playboy?

Yeah, I don't remember that.

Marilyn Monroe.

How do you not know that?

Man, dude.

I forgot, man.

Wow, that's weak sauce, man.

Dude, I haven't looked at magazines in probably like 15 years, man.

You're just high, bro.

You're high.

All right, we've got to do some more prank calls.

Enough small talk here.

Demi, Demi.

You've got quite a collection.

You've got like a humongous crate still stashed somewhere.

Going clear back to the 70s, man.

Classic stuff.

Okay, Milkman, we have a number for a lady in Hungary.

Are we going to be able to call Hungary?

Call them.

Well, I need to find out how to dial this number because it is international and I don't know what the code is.

So I'm going to send this to him.

Lonesome Loser is an apt scribe at international numbers.

So I'm sending it to him for translation.

Lonesome Loser.

Just don't, like, run the card up, like, stay on too long.

But I've got a five-card backup.

But if you stay on too long, it may eat the card fast because we got $6 last time I heard you dial it up.

Okay.

All right, good deal.

Well, I sent it to Lonesome Loser just in case.

We'll see what the money is on the rate.

If the rate gives me more than $2, more than $1, I'll do it for five minutes.

Deal?

We'll call Hungry here live on the Madhouse.

She probably doesn't even speak English, whatever, but we must touch that today.

Those are some hardcore bitches, man.

Last time I heard a Hungarian bitch, man, she didn't fart around a hell of a way.

Oh, yeah.

Right through the clunk.

Good, good.

Right through the clunk, huh?

Excellent, man.

Bad boy.

Milkman, can you play Freebird?

All right, here we go.

There goes Freebird for Clay.

Cue it up. Cue it up.

You're ready. We got you.

Here we go. Here we go.

Here we go. Here we go. Here we go.

Here's my cue.

Yeah, there it is, all right.

You hear the dog howling?

Where's your cue?

Are you cuing something or what?

Okay.

All right, man.

I'm going to go shoot these dogs, man.

I am going to shoot these dogs.

You haven't even played anything yet.

You messed up the joke, you fool.

Okay, anyway, we're going to call.

Oh, we got the code for hunger.

We'll call that next.

Nudu really wants us to call John Provost.

Lonesome Loser really wants us to call a place called Fatty's.

So we're going to call Fatty's next here, everybody, on 98.6 The Mouth.

MadHouseLive.com, PCUradio.com.

That's Prank call Underground Radio.

We will be back in a moment, folks.

Thank you.

For you young whippersnappers, it's 98.6 The Mouth.

Get this girl the la-la-la, you know what I mean, milkman?

You ever give a girl the la-la-la, you know what I'm talking about?

Hello? Is this Fatty's?

I'm sorry, can you hear me better now?

The la-la is next, everybody, the la-la.

Hi, yes, I was calling regarding the establishment.

Okay, I'm going to come down there and I will be giving free la-las.

I'll be offering free lalas.

I'm sorry, I'm not understanding you.

Okay, you know a lala?

You know what the lala is?

The lala is when I go down there and I go,

la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

I can't even hear you.

I'm going to give you the la-la-la-la-la-la.

No? Is that okay?

I have no idea what you're saying.

They're for free.

I'm going to give free lalas, stupid.

I'm sure they'll have a table for you,

but you need to get a better phone.

I can't hear you.

Damn it.

I want to give you a free lala.

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

You sound retarded.

Well, that's what I'm going to do to you.

I'm going to go la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Okay?

Who is the patient on the line?

Please respond, ma'am.

We have lost the patient.

You have $6.68.

Enter your destination number.

Obviously, you're way too bad for that.

Everybody stand back.

I was kidding about the la-la.

I'm not going to give you the la-la, everybody, okay?

No la-la tonight.

No la-la-la-la-la-la.

Okay.

Okay, Demi has sent in the correct way to dial the number, sir.

I got it, I got it, I got it.

I got the correct way to dial it from America.

I see it, motherfucker.

No, no, no, look here in your G-Talk.

Okay, in the G-Talk.

What is a G-Talk?

Milkman, G-Talk.

Lego is calling now.

Lego knows the number to call in, man.

888.

No, he doesn't, but he knows now.

Oh, you know what the number is?

You know what it is?

The toll-free line is turned off, stupid.

All right, let me turn that on.

Hang on.

la la la

and he's sick and now I will turn on the toll free number

Dr. Lego perhaps will be

allowed to call in and share his words

on how he's been doing

and hopefully we can come to an agreement

where he's not going to kick us off

off the airwaves here permanently again that is

Dr. Lego at DrLego.net

be sure to get a hold of him and let him know

that you like listening to Madhouse

Radio here on the station you're listening to us right now

And you don't want to have to miss out on all the fun and all the malarkey.

We're having a good show tonight, folks.

I feel very positive.

I appreciate your ride to Madhouse Men's Park.

Milkman, I'm very, I'm very...

Just because Lego owns the net.

Just because Lego owns the internet.

Okay, are you ready?

Yes, Milkman.

Is the 278-8509 line ready?

It should be.

You know what?

I have Dr. Lego's number.

Let's give Dr. Lego a call.

How does that feel?

He says call him.

He's calling.

I'm talking to him.

Okay, well, tell him to call in now.

All right.

We're going to hold here for Dr. Lego in just a moment, everybody.

Hey, it's Dr. Lego, I presume.

Maybe it's somebody else.

Mouse Radio, you're on there, huh?

Yes, it is.

Tell him to call back.

We're looking for Lego.

Okay, Milkman, please.

We have a caller on the phone.

Please be quiet.

Jonathan.

Sir.

up? What's up, man? How you doing, man? I'm okay. I'm up here in Tampa, Florida. Oh, yeah.

Spring break. Yep. Going to Busch Gardens tomorrow. Oh, really? Busch Gardens, man.

They got some monkeys there. Crazy, crazy, crazy stuff, those monkeys, man. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, man. These monkeys, they play with their poop. Yeah. Yeah. It smells bad there, too,

where the monkeys are. They're behind glass, but it still smells like monkey poop. It's

It's very scary.

And they have giraffes also there.

Big alligator pond that they have.

Oh, yeah, they have alligators, too, man.

Have you ever been to Gator World, man?

Yeah, I've been there a lot of times.

Dude, when are you going?

Let's go, man.

It's close to here.

We should meet at Gator World one day.

I'll take you to that Cuban restaurant across the street from me.

You know the one I'm talking about?

Yeah, I know which one you're talking about.

Let's do it, man.

When are you coming to Orlando again?

We'll meet there at Gator World.

We'll hang out.

We'll get some pictures together.

We'll put them on the website.

Maybe we'll do a show.

You know what I'm saying?

Okay.

I'll let you know where I'm going to be again.

I'm looking forward, man.

It's going to be Carlito, Milkman, and Jonathan live in location in Gator World coming soon

before the end of the year.

Yeah.

Special show, everybody.

Milkman, Carlito, and Jonathan live from Gator World in Orlando, Florida, man.

Orlando, where I was coming up from Tampa.

Well, hell yeah, man.

All right.

Well, I'm really not that far from you.

Do you like the roller coasters, man?

You're going to go on the Montu tomorrow, man?

Yep, I'm going to go on the newest one, the Guazi.

Yeah, that's the new one, right?

Yep.

Well, they got the Montu out there.

They got the Kumba.

Is it the Kumba they got out there, too?

Yep, they got the Montu, the Securi, Kumba, Scorpion, Guazi.

Cheetah's the newest.

Yeah, see, I don't know much about those right there.

I don't know much about that.

I know Busch Garden has some good roller coasters.

You know, Universal has some good ones, too, but not as many as Busch Garden does, you know?

Yeah.

I'm not at the Days Inn.

I'm not across the street from Busch Gardens.

Oh, well, you're right there, man.

Wow, man.

So, yeah, we'll definitely have to hang out, dude, at Gator World or Gatorland or whatever the fuck it is.

All right, man.

Well, say hi to your fans real quick.

We're going to do some more calls, bro.

All right.

Say hello to all my fans and listeners, and I hope you all have a great weekend.

Yeah, man.

All right, Jonathan.

Take care, bro.

All right.

Yeah.

Bye.

Jonathan.

Jonathan, everybody.

Yeah.

Jonathan, everybody.

All right, we're calling Dr. Lego now.

Dr. Lego, just a moment.

He changed his number now that I'm dialing it.

Son of a bitch, man.

Come on.

God damn it.

Damn it, don't do that to me.

Don't be changing the phone number in the middle of the call, man.

Come on.

All right, it all gets...

Dr. Lego, we don't want to get canceled, man.

What's up, man?

Let's just be friends.

We don't want to get canceled?

Yeah, we don't want to get canceled, man.

Lego owns the internet.

Lego, you own the internet, and they said that you said that you...

They said that you said that you were going to have us canceled, man.

That's right.

I'm in.

Dude, if I had to cancel anybody, it wouldn't be you calling them.

Good.

Who'd you cancel first?

KDK?

Cancel KDK.

No, no.

I wouldn't even cancel KDK.

I'd probably cancel, what's his name?

Tom Green.

He'd be the first to go.

Tom Green's out, baby.

Out of there.

Motherfucker.

On his ass.

Yeah.

And you know, I did say congratulations to you, right?

Yes.

Yes, we got that during the anniversary show.

Thank you, man.

Thank you.

Any suggestions on me and my impending marriage of doom?

Are you married or are you getting married?

I'm getting married, sir.

Do you have a date?

No, we don't have a set date.

It's probably going to be at least a year and a half from now.

Yeah, so then, so, you know, engagement is just like a way of, in all honesty,

it's just a way of keeping the chick, you know, sucking your dick for another year and a half.

Really? So I still got a chance to get out of it, huh?

Dude, engagement means nothing to you.

it's all about the chick

you know

she's like all like

oh boy I'm gonna get married

but you know

it's like whatever

yeah it's like

an insurance policy

for them kind of deal

you know

like this motherfucker

not even

it's just like

a bit of hope for them

oh okay

it's just like

you're stringing them along

a little longer

and you know

if a hot like rich chick

comes along with it

out of there

you know you're gonna

jump on it

out of there

on her ass

Dr. Legle

on her ass man

yeah

so hey

high pitch Eric

is about to get

you heard from him

has he called you

asking for money

he's in very dire straits

He calls me every day asking me to pick him up, take him to sushi and lend him money because he's getting evicted.

But he might be my friend, my friend Christian, Mr. Christian, lend him some money.

Can you, brother man, could you try to call him for me, man? Can we get him on the line?

Yeah, I probably could.

Dude, that would make my day.

Make my day. I brought him on PCU in about two and a half weeks.

Explain that to him. Yeah, we're going to get to all this. Go ahead. What's going on? You coming back or taking a break, man?

I wasn't planning on taking a break.

It turned out that way.

I was just not feeling good enough.

Oh, yeah, I've just been working like a dog again.

But hold on, hold on.

Let me see if I can get that.

Okay, high pitch, Eric, everybody.

All right, stand by.

Okay, we're standing by, man.

High pitch, Eric, everybody.

Look, man, don't play that ever again.

This guy, you could be calling him with money.

All right.

Too bad for him.

That's okay.

No worries, Dr. Lego.

All right, so you were planning on doing a show, but it's been busy.

Yeah, it's understandable, but you are coming back as soon as your earliest convenience, correct?

I think next week will be my three-week return show, yeah.

Wow, man.

And I miss everybody on TV, and I apologize, but, you know, you know how life gets.

I don't have to tell you, bro.

No, don't.

Don't tell me.

I understand already, bro.

Well, hey, man, thanks for promising to keep us on the air.

We appreciate it, man.

Hey, I'm not even, I got nothing going.

I mean, are you broadcasting on my stream, too?

I don't know.

Do you even have a stream anymore?

I don't even go on it anymore.

I think it's still, I think the start was still up, but, yeah, man, no, it's all good.

And, you know, I'm a big fan of Madhouse.

Yeah.

I'm a big fan.

I love the show.

Hey, so are we, man.

Hell yeah.

Even when we had our little discrepancy there.

Yeah.

But that's all right.

I'm a big fan.

You are one of the best on the internet.

You know that.

Oh, yeah.

And Milkman, you rock.

And, you know, and listen, I'm still friends with Zola, and I'm friends with KDK, and

Ted, it's all good.

I don't, I don't.

And, yeah.

I just like to do pranks.

KDK, I'll tell you, he's a class act, man.

You're losing me.

Okay.

Hey, man, we'll take care.

You guys take care.

I love you guys.

You're a class act.

Thank you, man.

Later.

Later, man.

Happy birthday.

Is he, like, not calling us back until June?

So, with that, talk about, you know, a guy who wanted to call in and was all like, eh.

Eh, yeah.

What's up, man?

Whatever, man.

So, Dr. Lego will be back next week.

Put your hands together, everybody, for Dr. Lego.

Okay.

Oh, Milkman, you're muted, son?

I didn't know.

I'm sorry, Dr. Milkman.

What's up?

Uh-huh.

Sorry, man.

You know how it is.

I'm retarded.

I'm retarded, man.

Okay, so anyway, continuing on, more show, more pranks coming at you next.

It's going to be Hungary.

The country of Hungary, the woman is Anna, and she was kissing and licking her girlfriend.

She makes me hungry.

Dude, yeah, check this out.

i met her at a club called zold pardon with her girlfriend zofia okay okay she was kissing and

licking very nice she has black short hair and green eyes flirt with her live please oh dude

what's up and she's hungary hungarian she's hungarian hungarian oh hell dude she's like

a fucking power girl how much you think she weighed i don't know how much she weighed man

Man, how much do you weigh?

All right, we're going to call Anna the Hungarian.

If she's under 200, she's too skinny.

200.

He likes him thick, everybody.

He likes him thick.

Thick, my ass.

Good morning, my good sir.

It's a beautiful morning all across America.

How are you?

Fine.

Is this the Britannia Country House Hotel?

Yes, it is.

All right, brother.

Let me ask you a question.

You got any rooms available?

Yes, wait.

Do you have a local game?

Cool.

Which one is it?

Do you have any local game?

Yes, do you have any local game?

Game?

Do you have any local game?

Yes, sir?

Uh, no, sir.

We don't have any local game.

You do not have a fox area where I may hunt fox and then cook them, or perhaps rabbits or sheep?

Wild sheep?

No, sir.

You don't have any open game laws around here, sir?

Perhaps we can go fox hunting together?

No, sir.

We don't have any.

Do you have a fox sandwich, my friend?

No, sir.

Oh, beautiful.

You get all that hair out, you know what you do.

You boil that fox in hot, scalding hot boiling water.

then you can peel all that skin layer right off with a knife okay separates from the skin meat

you separate the meat from the skin and get all that fur off you understand then you want to go

ahead and season it now of course first of all you want to make sure that you've got the animal

you just want to get all the entrails and the cocky and the peepee out of it and you don't

really want to keep the head so you get rid of the head and then it's bad luck to cut off the

paws and never cut off a fox's paws okay okay now what would you say you would season a fox with

with sir paprika my good sir paprika my good sir do you have any old bay in there that i could use

perhaps no old bay uh any aftershave aftershave we have a layer club it's gonna be open from

seven o'clock okay so yeah exactly we'll throw some aftershave in that big pot put some potatoes

i mean cut about you know cut potatoes into fours and a quarters but um keep the skin on sir keep

Keep the skin on the potatoes.

I prefer, if possible, organically grown potatoes and organically grown water.

Okay.

Okay?

Safe methods.

Dolphin safe water.

All right?

And we don't like the fox with rabies.

Okay?

You got all that, sir?

Okay.

How soon can I expect that?

You son of a bitch.

Hello?

You cock.

You stayed that long and you didn't give me the big payoff.

Oh, Jesus.

I'll call you a number.

Oh, what is...

Okay.

Okay, so how long have you been, how long have you been standing there making fun of me, huh?

Okay, I got your number.

What, what is it? What is it, homo? What is it? Come on. Come on, give me number. Give me number. Come on.

He's not going to give me number. We'll call him back.

Six dollars, nine cents.

Who the hell is that? That's not Hungary, is it?

No, that's, that's the UK.

I'm going to do a few more calls here and take a break. Coming up, we're calling back this lady woman.

Anna?

No, he's no Anna. No, Anna's not picking up the phone.

to pick up the phone call

or to expect our phone call.

I've done answering

at this fucking hotel.

This is John Provost.

For Noon,

you can stop being such an ass.

3-9-6-8-4-2.

Oops.

Sorry, I did that.

My bad.

That was a big accident, Noon.

Noon, I'm sorry, bro.

Sorry, man.

Sorry that number went out, man.

Yeah.

Alrighty,

so what else can we do here?

Lonesome Losers has more numbers, man.

He's got a lot of numbers here.

I would like to call.

I wonder if he could find

the number to the uh hungarian girl it's not answering dude there's no answer to the number

you understand okay all right okay i just want to make sure hey look i want to make sure because

we did try we did try listen listen listen listen to make everybody happy i will try one more time

okay that's how good i am just a moment all right good for saigon uh awesome i yeah great we'll

brad back after this yeah he's using your neck too oh boy look at your girlfriend answer i think

your girlfriend's getting uh man right now not your girlfriend but the chick that you want she's

getting that tongue freak uh she's getting the la la la hey we have a theater in springfield vermont

that's right they're going to be showing the simpsons movie in 25 minutes actually i believe

they're the premiere motherfuckers so all right we're calling the springfield theater here

Do a character call.

I haven't heard Jack Matheson or anybody like that.

How about Barney from the Simpsons?

How does that sound?

Good?

Let's do that.

Barney from the Simpsons, man.

And I have a story for that when we come back.

Barney from the Simpsons.

Yeah.

Milkman, give me a George Clinton song you like to hear, man.

Dude, you know which one I always like to hear.

I know.

Come

on, man.

Erotic City?

city erotic city on the mouth right back after this folks and yes i knew you milkman i pay

attention to you unlike my unlike your girlfriend i pay attention to you i love you you are the man

whatever you guys didn't work sorry i am giving the usher a bj

to answer the phone

and that's what they say

in the Erotic City

movie theater

everybody

ear in the mouth

the Erotic City

movie theater

will be playing

The Simpsons

tonight

and every night

for the next two months

I'm your host

Carlito here

on Madhouse Radio

Dr. Father Recorders

will be calling in

later in tonight

Pee Wee Herman

is in the front row

we've already talked

to Dr. Lego

here tonight

regarding the

Lindsay Lohan situation

we'll have

We'll have mental health expert Dr. Father McCorders at the second hour, so be sure to stay tuned for that.

In the meantime, we are going to take a break, unfortunately, because you know why?

It is time for a break.

All right?

No problem with that?

No issues at all?

That's what I'm talking about.

Time for a break, everybody.

Newcastle's ale time, everybody.

Coming next, after the break, please stay tuned.

We'll be calling Clancy the Clown in England.

Clancy the Clown.

We're going to be calling a few places also, like the Shakespeare Hotel in England.

We have the Wild Weasel Bar.

You know what I heard about Clancy?

What?

What did you hear, sir?

He's a freaking clown.

Okay, man.

Good.

Right on.

Let the good times roll, why don't you?

Hey, all right.

What I'm talking about.

Hey, how about that Manchester pub call, man?

Should we play that on the break?

What do you think?

Too long?

Please play that.

No, no, no.

I don't give a shit if I didn't play.

It's classic.

It deserves to be on the scene.

Please play it.

It's 14 minutes and 10 seconds, dude.

We'll play the beginning of it, and we'll come back and play the rest towards the end of the show.

But, yeah, fine.

I will.

Okay, how about this?

How about we play part of it, and then if you stick around for the end of the show, you'll hear the exciting climax.

The exciting climax.

That's right.

Very well put.

All right, so it is 1139 p.m. Eastern.

It is 839 p.m. on the Pacific Coast, and we are taking a break.

This is Madhouse Radio.

radio you're listening to manhouse radio carlito milkman and jen stewart coming up next

house radio we'll be back right after this don't tell me 40 000 people are coming here

they're not here i am bisexual i'm fabulous you don't talk to me like that bitch i don't even

know who the fuck put your man on the phone i said what are you crying for

Did you die? Did someone die?

Ma'am?

Yes?

I have gas. Listen.

Oh!

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you! Fuck you fucking piece of shit!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

About ten minutes ago, a guy tried to break in my truck.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Yes, it's a long-legged test-off Puerto Rican.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

And toll free at 1-888-278-8509.

You know what I hope?

That when you die, they put your GPS in your box and a trap door at the bottom.

So when you die, you open that trap door at the bottom, you check the GPS, and you go straight down to the hell.

Madhouse Radio is back.

You are bigger than a woman.

You are better than a woman.

We'll always be behind you.

Do not let a woman.

will ever, ever make you who you are.

Report, it's time to produce this job.

I want to be down with the gang.

Matt Huff Radio, back on the L.

I want to be longer.

Matt Huff Radio is back.

We're going to get to knowledge.

You're very excited, Milkman.

God bless you.

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion later in the show

to that Manchester pub call that is brought to you by...

Brought to you by Heinz

Ketchup

Newcastle

Brown Ale and Madhouse

Services

Yes sir, very good, you're very smart

Good work with the smartness

Down with the king

Alright, we're finishing up the show

here pretty soon, we have about another

half hour left to show here perhaps

Thank you for joining us on this journey here

which is Madhouse Radio

video will is here what's up man just show up sometime soon yeah you haven't heard that yet man

will's here i didn't know you were here man

yeah the gate is stuck open you know what we gotta we gotta plug you in here hang on everybody

milkman entertain the people or something you're gonna have to untangle that first

there you go will's gonna untangle his cables well as you see by the commotion in the studio

303 Willie is back.

Yeah.

But we did receive forewarning that Father McQuattar will make an appearance here in the second half of the show.

That is entirely possible.

So all you cartooners, stay tuned.

That's right.

That is entirely possible.

Good point, Milkman.

So everybody stay tuned for that.

Of course.

Stay tuned for that.

I'm trying to look here.

Trying to look here how I'm going to hook up the sound for Will.

Because I am missing a splitter for some reason.

Where's that splitter at, man?

Lickety splitter, splickety licker.

I don't know if that one works for you.

I think that's what happened to Anna, speaking of splickety licker.

I think that she might be lickety split.

I mean, splickety lit right now.

She might get la-la-licked soon.

All right, I'm going to have to go.

I got to get in here now and get my fat ass on.

La-la-la, you're la-la-la.

I'm all the way.

All right, Milkman, be quiet.

I'm coming to you live, everybody, from the floor of my office here.

I'm trying to connect cables here.

Will, say something.

No, ma'am.

Yes, here we go.

Hi, ma'am, how are you?

Bye-bye.

No, ma'am, please, Ms. Windsor.

I've been trying to trace you down.

God damn these old British people.

Don't stay on the phone.

You have $5.

I'm calling right back.

Please enter your destination number.

Ms. Windsor again.

Mrs. Windsor.

What's wrong?

I'm calling from across the pod.

Please, don't hang up on me again.

We found some stocks.

Stocks in your name, Mrs. Windsor.

Don't be a fool.

You twit.

You twit, woman.

The state is going to get this money.

The state.

The United States.

Okay.

Bye.

Where that was, that's what it was.

Coming next is going to be Jean Cumming.

Jean Cumming in Manchester, everybody.

We're going to Manchester.

Oh, huh?

Yes, Salmon?

I was, Salmon?

No, that's a telephony modem, VoIP modem. That's a Vonage deal.

Hello?

Voice over internet telephony is coming. That's what I'm calling you about. How are you today, my dear?

Do you know what time it is?

Yes, I do. It's a beautiful morning in the United Kingdom and United States of America. How are you doing, my dear?

I'm very fed up with you phoning me at this time in the morning. It's the middle of the night.

Madam, I really don't care because I'm here to give you an exceptional offer on voice over internet telephony.

Have you ever heard of the deal?

It's called Voight.

No, I haven't.

Bye-bye.

Look at my dancing shoes, ma'am.

All right.

Shall we try to call her back, Will?

You can make the call now.

Hurry up.

$70.76.

Please enter your destination.

Milkman says call.

One of those random numbers, Will?

Five hours, one minute, 40 seconds.

Before deduction of applicable fees and charges

as listed on the back of your card and poster.

Random numbers are madness, Will.

Madness.

We don't know who they are.

Welcome to BT Call Minder.

the person you've called is not available at the moment please leave a message after the tone

moving right along moving right along it's such a fancy free hey

that's right from the american country the american colonies the american colonies of

the united states over here as prisoners yes let us now we are coming back we were on we were on

sir francis drake ship itself before it was wrecked in a great hurricane of 1712 thank you

you don't get any weirder than that here on the mouth everybody all right what's what's up the

tofu line is broken milkman what did you do to it man you're in charge of it what happened tell me

tell papa what happened i cannot get anybody calling in cause it's busy man who said that

man there's a ghost in here man there's ghostesses here man ghostesses

i do good thanks man is it true that black people are afraid of ghosts

Yeah.

Any idea what...

And we're afraid of the dark.

We're afraid of black dark.

But, yeah, that's like your camouflage, man.

I have to mean to say I'm sorry.

That's very insensitive to anybody out there.

I don't believe that.

I'm not offended.

Okay, good.

Well, you're only half there, so...

Milkman, we're showing here that the phone line should be enabled.

I've gone ahead and rebooted the toll-free line, so it should be up now, hopefully.

Well, that's not going to work unless you're, like, in a different room, man.

well yeah repeats like crazy dude something we gotta get you a new head uh we gotta get you a

new mic it's a mic fucking mic dude i don't know you try it i can't hear you at all anyway so

busy still busy it's still busy seriously what the what the shit is wrong with this

it's a ted that's calling in that's getting this problem yeah that's getting the same thing for the

last uh 15 minutes 20 minutes all right well try this here i got the corncob pipe

that's cheap and an emergency that's what you gotta do nice dude milkman i don't know what's

going on dude this is really fucked up about the toll free dude i i don't know yeah the toll free

line's busted they can't you call in on the toll free line oh that's right it did ring when you

called it did you hang up right all right we're soaking up valuable time here milkman i'll keep

working on it but we gotta do calls man we just we can't just sit here trying to get will involved

and his horrible echo will just just hang up the talk show dude yeah yeah you get like a little bit

of there we go now i fixed it you just gotta talk in the background and i'll interpret everything

for your body because we don't want it to be too crazy here uh not now i turned it off anyway

we're calling denise denise duke you know you could try to fix this okay is that working you

can actually hear through the headphones on the cell phone wow cool all right nobody knows what

what we're talking about we're calling denny's duke duke man no we're calling denny's duke very

yes i command you is this miss duke on the royal order you're talking about a royal order this is

the royal order calling the duchess of yorkington this is not interested not in this is serious

business ma'am they have a department of homeland security out there you have what's it called

the royal douchebaggery department something like that let's try to call her

Ted Webb coming up next, everybody.

Ted Webb brought to you by Milkman, milkman.com.

Yes, I need to speak with Ms. Duke or Mr. Denny's Duke, please.

Yes, you're speaking.

I'm calling from the Royal Orders, and I was just hung up on by that woman.

And do you understand that this is a state of impotence that you must please, at the quickest rate,

prepare a room immediately for the Duchess of Yorkington?

Yes.

Okay.

Okay, how soon can we expect that, and would you be able to supply the rider, please?

Supply the what?

The rider. Do you know what the rider is?

No.

It is a list of grievances that you must impress upon the Duchess of Yorkington

immediately upon her stay at her arrival at your establishment,

until which time that she leaves.

Are you prepared to write this down, sir? Yes.

No.

Okay, very good.

First of all, we need one bowl, a fishbowl full of M&M's, blue only, please.

Could I have your name, please?

Yes, my name is Michael Covington. I'm with the Royal Orders.

Right.

Okay, do you have that down, ma'am?

No.

Ma'am, do you have that down?

No.

Hello, hi. Okay, so a fishbowl full of blue M&Ms.

Can you give me your number, please?

I'd rather not, sir. This is the Duke of Yorkington.

If you don't soon, I'll be ringing the GPO.

Well, I'm trying to reach the Duke, sir.

If you don't cut off, I'll ring the GPO, or the police.

Listen. Listen, Duke. You listen here, buddy.

Cobra Commander kicked your ass, man. Kicked your ass.

Having a deuce? Mr. Deuce. Mr. Deucer.

Hello, sir. The power of Christ compels you to answer me.

Don't sit there like a twit with the phone in your hand. Do something with it.

Sounds. To the phone. Mr. Puke.

Okay, Mr. Puke is obviously turned into a mongoloid.

We'll be calling John Boner next. John Boner in Liverpool.

On the mouth. Mr. Duke, if you're still listening, this is 98.6 The Mouth.

98.6.

No.

Are you not seeing what I'm typing to you?

I am being quiet.

You're not answering.

You got to do Father McQuarters.

Okay.

That's right.

Father McQuarters coming at you right now.

John Boner and Father McQuarters.

Hopefully, God willing.

Hello.

Hello, my child.

How are you?

Milkman, good idea.

Milkman, poor dumb Milkman.

Is it if I send them back the box that they'll give me a...

They'll take it off my credit.

Nice of them, huh?

I haven't gotten to it yet.

A modem, too.

Hello.

Hi, sir.

How are you doing, Mr. Boner?

Mr. Boner?

Sir?

Yes, I had you on the line with Father McQuarters earlier.

He was giving you, you know, a blessing.

You know, we really want to extend our condolences to you.

And why did you hang up on Father McQuarters, man?

Huh?

Milkman really wanted to hear Father McQuarters.

Who is this?

Father McQuarters was calling, and Milkman paid him a lot of money to give you a call.

And all you did was hang up on him, you son of a bitch.

You really don't have any merit.

You don't have any guts.

You're not even answering me, are you now, Mr. Boner?

What's that?

What happens?

What?

You need oil change?

You know when you flood the lawnmower sometimes, Will?

That's what it does.

You heard him say that?

All right, stop being so loud, damn it.

Hang on, let's see if we can get a replay on that.

I was trying to be quiet on it.

You're trying to be ass.

that's what

hang on

location in the bathroom

somewhere

you can't hear it milkman

you can't

you really don't have any merit

you don't have any guts

you're not even answering me

are you now Mr. Boner

what's that

what happens

what

you need oil change

I'm so mean dude

god

I'm such an ass

you hear that

poor old guy

probably had a heart attack

right now or something

probably has hemorrhoids

got up

poor guy

He probably lost his teeth or swallowed them.

I think he swallowed his fake teeth.

Good call.

He swallowed his dentures, Milkman.

He's dead now.

Should we call him back, ask him if he choked?

I think he did.

What's he going to say if he choked, right?

I mean, at this point, he's dead.

Old guy like that.

I figure he probably won't answer.

Are you?

You can.

Yeah, you can spend a weekend on nothing.

I don't know what I'm talking about.

Milkman, Repo wants to know if you're in the IRC.

Milkman, are you in the IRC, my friend?

Of course.

And, Milkman, what is the IRC for the chat room?

If you don't mind giving that out real quickly here while I set up the next prank call.

C-U-R-A-D-I-O dot D-Y-N-D-N-S dot org.

C-U-R-A-D-I-O dot D-Y-N-D-N-S dot...

Google Talk and Net.

Not everybody has Google, damn it.

A lot of people use IRC.

You can put a java client up on a

1982 technology

A lot of people still use it

Hey do you have Ted's number

Yes yes we're calling Ted next

That's what I was trying to say

Ted and prank calls coming up next

Don't go anywhere

Here's Ted everybody coming up in a moment

As well as going out to Jen Stewart and Will

Happy anniversary guys

Happy anniversary

This is Edith

Edith my dear how are you

I'm not going to get a horse here for you

Oh, God.

Look what I found, Jim.

I mean, you're Will.

Look what I found, Will.

Hey, you're the first one to call me on my Skype in number.

Oh, no kidding.

How much are you paying for that?

$30 a year.

That's not bad.

So you get your own phone number.

Is it a local area code?

Well, I could pick it anywhere, so I picked one that was free for my parents to call.

Good idea.

So they can call you for free.

Do you have a handset through Skype?

Yeah, I have like a regular phone for Skype.

It's pretty cool.

It connects directly to the router?

Is that the deal?

Yeah.

How does it sound?

Sounds good.

No, it sounds fine, actually.

Yeah, it sounds good.

Sounds good.

You connect here in the Hibby.

Yeah, you know, T-Mobile has a new deal, too,

where they give you a router,

and you connect on two different handsets.

They have a Samsung and a Nokia.

It gets Wi-Fi, something like that.

I'm telling you, man, the Internet is the future.

Fuck this Ma Bell shit.

That's right.

It's all about the Internet.

They're going to try to block it.

It's going to work whenever the power is out.

Yeah, the landlines work whenever the power's out.

That's correct.

When the power's out, you've got a problem.

Well, see, I still have a landline, but all of my routers and stuff are on a battery backup,

so I can still use my cable modem and my laptop when there's a power out.

You know what I want?

I want fiber optic.

Not if the cable company is out of power.

Yeah, if the head end's out of power, you've got to shoot it.

Well, if the cable company's out, then that means the phone company's probably out, too,

because they all share the same thing.

No, no, we know that.

Anybody knows that, Ted.

Come on, now.

Now, the cable companies lose service way easier and quicker than a phone company will.

Phone companies, those things are hardened.

They're very redundant.

They've been in business for like 100 years.

Yeah, man, the phone company.

Man, when we get the hurricanes right, we don't lose phone at all.

We'll lose power for a week.

We'll lose internet for a month.

Well, I still have a regular, you know what I have?

I have like the regular $12 phone line.

Okay, I don't even get that.

I have to pay $25 for the minimum.

Yeah, I'm looking for like the cheapest way to get a landline.

That is definitely what Ted's doing right now.

$4 for a landline?

$30 for a year.

Oh, that's broadband.

What do you mean?

No, you get your broadband.

No, it's $30 a year unlimited calling.

Yeah, to get unlimited calls coming in.

Oh, yeah, but you still got to get your outbound calls, though, huh?

It's not a landline.

It's not a landline, no, but you're looking for a landline, an actual landline.

What are you trying to say?

One that's powerful.

What you do, you get yourself.

Yeah, whatever.

I don't know.

There's no way, you know, in a nuclear war, Ted, we're screwed, you know?

I really think so.

It's just going to be...

You know, I think we've got bigger problems to worry about, like, than the fucking phone

working, if, like, a bomb hits.

I think, you know, the EMP blast is what we should be most worried about.

I want to get a picture back on the Oceans 12, 11.

Oh, the EMP bomb?

Yeah.

I want to do that, too, Larry.

I want George Clooney and his tilted head.

I can't stand it.

He's got a tilted head?

I never noticed.

No, if you look at him, he can't look at the camera straight.

He's always got his head just tilted slightly.

I've never fucking thought of that, man.

That's awesome.

Wow.

You know, I'm kind of thinking that.

I don't think I've ever seen him making a straight-on look.

That's something, huh?

He's always kind of at a slight angle.

He's got a tilted head.

Yeah, he's probably got a thing.

His gravity's all fucked up.

Well, didn't he, like, wasn't he getting spinal fluid in his nose

after he did some kind of stunt or something?

Cocaine?

In Syria.

No, he did some stunt in Syria.

He did something weird

And they said he was

Probably going to have

Headaches for the rest

Of his life

I was like

That would suck

Yeah

I don't know

Kill myself

Anyway

So hey

If you were George Clooney

You might as well

Just kill yourself

For that purpose too

Man

You got a lot of hate

For George Clooney

Alright man

Whatever you say

You're a fan of the

Paparazzi perhaps

We have

Several numbers here

To do tonight

If you'd like

We have

They're all in England

We want to jump

Well no

We got an N in England

And we have

Carol and Mary Cash

In Kansas, we have Jeff Duncan, and we have Annie Fanny's Bar, Grill, and Casino in Spokane, Washington.

Annie Fanny?

Annie Fanny's Bar, Grill, and Casino.

Let's call a UK member.

Marlena.

Okay.

Milkman, go ahead.

One moment.

Did you call him on the card?

Do I have what?

There's a real setup going there.

You can delegate.

Milkman, go ahead, please.

What did you say?

Did you call him on the card?

Did I call him on the card?

Yes, I did.

Oh, fuck bunnies.

You can't use that.

I got a second card.

Okay, send me the pin right now if you could, and I'll do that.

All right, Ted, hang on the line.

I do?

Huh?

Okay.

Oh, no, yeah, yeah.

I was going to say, I have an international card if you need it.

If you do not, we'll be okay.

We've got one.

We've just got to get the number here real quick.

Hang on, buddy.

We'll put you on, all right?

Okay.

Please stand by for a brief hold.

Yes?

Who's talking in the background?

I'm freaking out.

What's going on?

That's my wife.

Oh, dude, I was so trippy, man.

She took a picture of our parking spot.

She's trippy.

What are you guys talking about?

You're buying a car, Ted?

All right, man.

Well, we had a house reappraised.

Okay, and how'd you make it?

It went up in value.

A lot?

You don't have to tell me, but did it go up a lot?

You got some equity now, huh?

Yeah, it went up quite a bit.

You're thinking about getting a home?

It's the outrageous California housing market.

Well, it might be the time to cash that in, you know, brother?

I think we're stuck.

Well, how about a home equity line of credit?

Yeah, there you go, a home equity line.

That's what it's for.

That's fine.

All these people took our home equity lines.

They can't pay it back.

They can't pay it back, I know.

Isn't that horrible?

Yeah.

Banks still push that like a fiend.

Well, you know, CDs are the best way to go.

If you ask me, CDs or fail nots?

It's a little bit surely.

Man, we'll just give it up, brother.

Can you hear at least?

What's going on?

Can you hear?

What is that?

Your phone.

Dude, all right, seriously, you want to try another number here?

We've got a Kentucky Fried Chicken in Guam.

Where is it?

Wait.

Yeah, call Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Okay, this is in the Micronesia Mall in Guam.

Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Micronesia Mall in Guam.

That's exactly where it's at, man.

Is that a U.S. protector?

Yes, it is.

It's one of those, man.

Like Puerto Rico, ho.

Yeah, they're protected by us, but they don't have our standard of living, unfortunately.

Yeah, you got a point.

All I want to hear...

DMX?

Yes, DMX.

It's a military base. It's the side of a military base.

It's the side of a missile base.

Take it back to the hood, my niggas.

We'll put you down...

Hi, is this Kentucky Fried Chicken?

How are you?

I wanted to come in there tonight, but I want to know if you're busy or not.

Who's this?

Oh, this is Jack. I'm president of the chess club.

Yeah, so I wanted to come over and bring about 14 chess players to eat at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

At the Micro Mall?

Huh?

Yeah, that should be no problem.

Okay, I have a special request when you make the chicken, though.

Is it possible to have the chicken shaped like little pawns in Queens and Kings?

There's no way.

What do you mean?

There's no way to do it.

Well, why don't you get like a cookie cutter or something?

What do you do with the chicken bone?

Yeah, that's the problem, isn't it?

Don't you have boneless chicken?

No.

I'm talking like I'm crazy or something.

I don't really think so.

No, not at all.

Okay.

Well, what do you got there that would use that would...

That's good.

A nugget.

If you stand them up, they look like a little pawn.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's hot.

Okay.

Take the chicken nugget and smash it with pieces.

Talk about smashing them.

And they would look like...

How easy is it?

Hey, we can make commentary on...

How do you think Ted's doing so far in his prank call, Will?

What do you say?

They wouldn't look like pawns if you stood them up.

That's not right.

Uh-huh.

Hey, you can talk now, Will.

Exactly.

I told you, Will.

All right, let's let Ted continue.

Okay.

The wings up, they could look like rooks.

Now, you're really creative.

Hmm.

Do you want to join the chess club?

I don't have time.

I wish I could.

You wish you could.

But not now.

Most of our members, most of the members of the chess club don't really want to be members.

They don't really make it with the ladies, so to speak.

I have a lot of trouble convincing the ladies to, you know, what I mean.

So, like, sometimes we do chest jerks that don't work out really well.

Right over their head.

Yeah, like, I'll be like, can I ride you like a horse does in an L shape?

And then they just slap me.

In the middle of a meeting.

And then I asked her if she likes it diagonal like a queen does.

And I got sick of that, too.

How many suggestions for how someone on the chess club could have more success?

You don't, it's time.

Look, I have to go.

I'm in the meeting.

Hello?

Hello, sir?

Sir, hello?

Hello, sir?

Get back in the closet.

Checkmate me, please.

Give me checkmate.

You call back later?

King me, baby.

Checkmate me, king, baby.

I'll give you the rook if you don't be quiet.

We've lost it.

The bishop is gone.

on. Bishop R5 to Rook 1217. I don't know. Isn't there a bunch of codes you use in that

game? Do a follow my quarters. We're calling Dick Burns Well Drilling. Stand by, Ted. Milkman

at once. Find me Charlie Patton's phone number. What's all that static, man? I don't know.

Deal with it, man. I already sent it to you, man. I don't have it now. Fuck. Hey, what's

up? Is this the well drilling? I need a well drilled as soon as possible. Found some black

Mike Gold, Texas Tee out here in Main Street off of Soquale.

Yo, man, you talking trash, man.

There ain't no whales.

There ain't no gold, black gold under here.

There's some black people here.

Yo, man, listen up.

You drilling whales today?

She was going to.

Man.

Call the back hour.

Take it away.

All the way.

Static, static.

I've got a gas station, 24-hour gas station in Ireland.

Okay.

All right, that.

Stand by.

I said it was with Spock, I think.

it says uh uh but he comes out gay finally sulu does admits he's gay in the new show a whole gay

series and he says i'm gonna milky i'm gonna say the gay shit i'll uh star trek the queer

generation next week i'm gonna stream i got some gas this morning i'm with it i put the gas in the

car turn the key right here you know like everything's okay key in the hood blew off the

car oh yeah now don't be laughing laughing that's what happened i turned the key and the hood just

lifted right up off the car when oh i was all scared lucretia was in the car with me she said

what the hell i said hold on let me check this out and i said it's got to be the gasoline

so we're gone four dollars forty here's mcdonald's of guam you want to stay on the line ted you can

go you can drop it at any time if you have to don't feel obligated to stay on if you don't

I don't want to, sir, but we love having you on.

Before deduction of applicable fees and charges as listed on the back of your card and poster.

I'll start with this one.

Feel free to jump in.

I guess not.

Your call, 1-6-7-6.

I'll start this.

Feel free to jump in if the mood hits you or if I'm failing.

That's probably what will happen.

Good afternoon.

It's a beautiful afternoon in Guam.

How are you, my dear?

I'm fine.

Excellent.

Great.

I was wondering your sugar-free options there.

I did notice that you had a not large selection of desserts.

Anything there sugar-free, my dear?

Just the Diet Coke, is that the deal?

I'm sorry, sir.

How many calories are in your French fries, my dear?

Sir.

Okay.

What are you saying?

Man, what are you saying?

What is this?

I'm sorry, sir, but you want me to check to our nutrition pack?

Yeah, but a little more concerned of the fact, what language were you just speaking?

Was that Japanese?

No, sir.

Where are you speaking? Chinese? Taiwanese?

I think she said diabetics are of the devil.

Oh, my God.

You know, ma'am, let me explain to you something about the People's Republic of China.

You must be some kind of double agent there trying to simulate our modern corporate society of McDonald's

into your own psyche so you can bring that back home.

And I assure you that it's a great thing that you're taking back capitalism to China, okay, my dear?

Thank you so much.

Okay, that went nowhere.

That was so stupid.

Another failure, Ted.

Another failure here in the mouth.

You got sugar AIDS.

Ted, you're going to be on tomorrow night.

What's the deal?

Give us a skinny right now.

I'm not on tomorrow night.

Tomorrow's Saturday.

Oh.

Friday night.

No, tomorrow's Friday night.

I'm not going to be here.

Oh, okay.

Well, have fun.

This is a bunch of naughty strippers.

A bunch of naughty strippers we're calling up next.

This is in La Mesa, California.

Did you see the G-Talk?

Uh, Charlie Patton, Aunt Rosie, family friend, old loves it.

Aunt Rosie.

Loves to talk to anyone, especially about days of your lives.

Wow.

Family friend, be nice.

Hey, we can post an episode, the most recent one.

Talk about it.

Nah.

Hello.

This is Janet.

Doing busy tonight?

A couple friends with you?

You do?

Hey, I was wondering if you guys would like a job tonight.

Where are you at?

My grandmother's house.

I was wondering if I could have this here.

Okay.

I think Grandma goes to bed in about 15 minutes, so how about a half hour?

Grandma and Grandpa go to bed in about 15 minutes, so any time after that would be good.

What part of town are you in exactly?

Or walk up.

Street?

Come up the fire escape, though.

Yeah, because I don't want my Grandma and Grandpa to know that I have naughty strippers over.

Really sorry, sweetie, but we go through front doors.

We don't climb up stairs.

There's no foot?

Sleep in about 15 minutes and go over there in a half an hour.

We can't go through the front door.

we have to fire escape. Fire escape is brand new. It's not dangerous. Well, don't wear heels. Wear

comfortable shoes. Why do strippers have to wear heels? In dress clothes and high heels. No, no,

I don't mind if strippers wear, like, um, new balance. We're dressed for the night. You're

dressed for the night. Why do strippers have to wear high heels? We're comfortable shoes. Because

we're wearing some dress slacks. Well, just wear jogging pants and new balance. We're not at home.

You're not at home?

No, we dress nicely when we go places.

Nicely or revealing? How does that work?

We're dressed like we would be to go out to dinner or go out for a drink.

Oh, fancy-like.

Well, just take off your shoes and go barefoot.

No.

No?

I'm not taking off my shoes and crawling through an alley barefoot.

It's not an alley.

It's, um, well, it kind of is, but they put flowers in there, so it's not...

You're just asking us to do some very unsafe things that aren't smart for a young lady to do.

Yeah, but you know how unsafe it would be if my grandma and grandpa found out I brought strippers home?

Maybe you should go get a hotel room.

Be unmerciful.

Especially since you're a little too old to be over at grandma and grandpa's house.

What do you mean? I'm too old to be living with grandma and grandpa?

I'm not 50 years old. I'm not a creepy old guy.

I'm trying to make it sound like he's like 17, 18.

I think we got off on the wrong foot here.

I think we got off on the wrong foot.

You that you're just calling fucking around playing games and you actually think that this is all amusing and funny

But we already know what you're doing. We're not going out there. You're asking young ladies to do unsafe things

Oh, I'm not right mind would go someone's never met before and climb five flights up a fire. I have a point there

But I'm not seeing one would do that do that for a friend

I've known for five years unless their house is on fire

No one who was my friend would I start a fire and then it would be legitimate if you start a fire

or I'll call 911 for you.

No, don't do that.

Make sure you have a grandpa.

Well, you're never quite took off.

That's why I'm living, you know, at home with you.

I have a script.

You have since.

I was trying to join in as the old man.

As usual, I screwed up things.

I'm sorry.

No, she hung up way before you.

No, she didn't.

I was trying.

All right, all right.

That would have been great if it came in as grandpa.

See, that's how I tell you, man.

Let me call back his grandpa.

You call her back his grandpa.

Okay, I'm gonna call her back his grandpa and then you jump in and try to save yourself.

Okay, hang on.

My son just called.

He's a hag for naughty shippers.

Hello?

Is that just a young boy calling over there?

Call you again?

He keeps calling long distance.

He lives in Arizona.

He's racking up the charges in the long distance.

Well, who is this woman who keeps calling him collect?

Someone's calling there to have the bill, and I know you slut.

You're taking my little boy away.

You're taking my little...

You dirty, filthy mouth, you rotten old man, and talking to me like that.

Listen, I...

Someone calling your house collect is not my problem.

And your problem with your so-called son checking up long-distance charges is not my problem.

Because he's not calling this number long-distance, and no one from this number is calling you collect.

He keeps calling there long-distance.

with that stealthy mouth

and talk to me like that

calling the police.

You listen to me,

you bitch.

We can get shot dead.

She's gone.

And she's gone.

Funny lady.

I pay your taxes.

Who knew that a stripper

would be so angry

with you for using swear words?

Of all the things.

It's that moral.

The morals of these things

for a stripper.

$3.68.

You want to hang out

for Edward Roach?

Destination number now.

What's that?

You want to hang out

for Edward Roach in Scotland?

Edward Roach.

It's Edward Roach in Glasgow, Scotland.

Yes, we are, Will.

Hello.

Where are you going?

Oh, this is Jack.

How's it going?

You've got the wrong number.

Oh, no, no, Edward.

You don't remember me?

Johnson?

Bubba?

You weren't at the pub last weekend?

I wasn't at the pub last weekend.

Do you know it's in the morning?

I was with some drunk guy named Edward, and I had this number.

You weren't drunk last week?

No, last week.

Drinking and playing piano with a guy named Edward Roach.

It isn't me.

I'm going to put...

I can hear your voice sounds like you would belt out a few good songs.

It had to be you.

Sorry.

Hi, Edward.

$3.53.

Please enter your destination number now.

Sounds like you would have went off like a firecracker.

He was getting there, dude.

He was filling the spirit, man.

Yeah, all right, Ted, we're going to wrap up the show.

It's almost 1 o'clock, but thank you for calling in, man.

It's always an honor.

We had some fun.

Well, thank you.

Thanks for having me on.

No, of course.

The 90 Strippers, of course.

You won't be on next week, but, of course, everybody go to PCURadio.com.

That is the home of Ted.

The home of Ted

I'm getting out of Dodge

Have fun with that man

Be careful on the road

Or the air or the rail

Alright brother man peace out

Ted everybody Ted

Yeah

I'm on the air

Good for you

You are on the air

For like 5 minutes

Who can we talk to

Hey what's going on there

We got that hypercontra jack

Does she have a mic where she's at?

She can't even talk to us, can she?

Yeah, she's calling on the cell phone.

Hey.

She probably fell asleep.

You got to hit the thing.

I did.

Oh.

I command you to speak.

Wow.

Blah, blah, blah.

What if you heard her cheating on you?

What would you do?

Would you run over there right now?

You don't know.

She might have you on mute.

I don't know.

You'd be like, ah, forget it.

Whatever.

I trust her.

That's right.

Hey, man.

Me too.

I trust her.

I trust her too.

She'd be faking it, if anything.

anything yeah yeah oh go to nabolister.com and v-o-v-e-o-h what's that v-o-h.com video online

movies tv series that's for sure they're awesome nabolister.com and v-e-o-h.com okay those are

awesome websites she's calling me now you better trust me why are you calling me why are you

You're shouting them out my name.

Milkman, brother, take us out of here, man.

She has me muted.

How do you have me muted?

Milkman, are you there, sir?

It's Milkman on mute.

Oh, unmute it.

I don't know.

Milkman's not around.

Trying to tell Milkman to take us out of here.

Oh, stop.

Why are you talking, dude?

Oh, sorry, sorry.

No, take out your mic at least if you're going to do that.

There, that makes sense.

Geez.

All right, everybody.

Milkman's not responsive.

We've had a good show.

I hope Milkman's okay.

Milkman, answer.

Okay.

Okay, anyway, I'm sure if Milkman was here, he'd say thank you to Ted for letting us on and for calling in.

Thank you to Dr. Lego.

Hey, whatever happened with the web radio taxes with FCC and stuff?

I tried to find out today, and I can't figure it out.

We're still on.

Oh, okay, awesome.

I just remember it passed, and I was like, oh, crap, well, what happened?

Okay, the royalty board is going to wait until the Senate can vote on the...

That'll take a year.

No, it's going to take a few months, apparently.

okay uh so that's that save net radio.org the website is madhouse live.com tell them you want

to keep us on yeah and that's it will thank you for coming in no problem man milkman last chance

for romance say what's up everybody i think it's his computer money died thank you for all all you

guys call it yeah jonathan called in too thank you on the madhouse everybody all that shit

Who all called in tonight?

Jonathan.

Thank you to Jonathan.

Thank you to...

You called in.

I called in.

Thank you for William, and thank you for the guys that called in.

Lego and Ted.

Lego called?

Yeah.

He doesn't call often, does he?

I was like, Ted.

No, he's been on hiatus.

Yeah.

All right, man.

Is the show doing okay?

Yeah, it's great.

Great.

Best stuff in weeks, I've heard lately from him.

And KDK, too.

I'll tell you what.

Class act, that guy.

class act we'll catch you here next week everybody talk to you we love you farts

Calls (19, 44 min of 1 h 54 min)

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