2007-08-02 Show

98.6.

M.L.

Who plays?

What happens in America?

Well, we steamed your ass in World War II.

What do you have to do?

We never did.

And who helped you out just now?

You piss off, woman.

Don't talk to me like that.

We don't need you anyway, bitch.

Shut up, bitch.

Call me a stinky, stinky fucker.

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Hello.

Good evening.

Madhouse Radio is back on the air.

With me here as always is a venerable milkman.

I'm not going to tell the people what's going on, but...

thank you for blowing everybody's eardrums out man it's good to have you here milkman

yeah man you know what it's like with us old people milkman is the owner of a new house

milkman just closed on a new house everybody so let's hear

grab your voice for milkman closing on his third house

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

That's awesome, dude.

Buying up all that property in the Virgin Islands.

You suck a damn.

Milkman is an old plantation owner, man.

The oldest, the last plantation owner is Milkman.

That's right.

The Virgin Islands.

That's right.

I was one of the very first Amish families.

Stay here.

I think our audio is way too loud.

Let's bring that down.

Not you, Milkman, just everybody else.

There we go.

This way we're not completely blowing our listeners' eardrums out.

I apologize if I...

I just want to let you know.

So first of all, first of all, first of all, I'm looking at the scope and it looks pretty

good.

All right.

Thank you, Milkman.

Thank you, man.

Hey, Milkman, gold star rating, man.

Good deal.

Doing good, Milkman, tonight.

Awesome.

Good boy, Milkman.

Scope is scoped out.

All right.

We had several brief, you know, one second power outages here.

I guess they're called interrupts in the electricity utility industry.

Uh, we had several of them here at around 10 o'clock when I started training and ready.

Well, I'm 46 minutes late starting the show because we were having power outages,

and there was one right as the intro was starting that luckily did not knock down the router or the, uh, or the modem.

Huh? Yes. I don't know, dude. But we are, uh, just to warn you ahead of time.

I used to work for FPC. They were a lot better.

FPC? FPC is a lot better than FPL. FPL is crap.

we have uh fpc but it's not fpc anymore it is now progress energy my friend progress yeah you

worked at the uh at the uh the nuclear base or whatever not the nuclear base yeah you worked

yeah yeah i looked at the nuclear plant yeah i was in the nuclear plant crystal crystal river

yeah called crystal river yeah uh fpl one three four five f fpl is trying to open up a nuclear uh

a new nuclear reactor, a nuclear power station

in a very environmentally sensitive area of the state,

and there's a lot of fighting against it right now.

So they've got a lot of bad publicity.

Well, tell me about that.

I'm really interested to know about that.

Well, I'll let you know on our other show.

What's the location of that?

I'll let you know on the Mouth Roundtable show,

which is on every Monday night on the Madhouse Radio Network.

Be sure to check that out.

I'm talking about it.

Don't you dare miss it.

A lot of listeners on the Mouth Roundtable every Monday night, man.

We've been getting a lot of listeners.

Really positive stuff.

It is not this show.

It is a real show, let's say.

But we have fun here also.

Anyway, man, it's Thursday, August 2nd.

It's 10.48 p.m.

I'm having power outages.

You're listening to Madhouse Radio.

We're going to take it easy tonight.

Reclude, Big Reclude, John Reclude, the man, will be calling in tonight.

Yes.

All right.

Big Reclude.

What a treat, Carly.

What a treat.

Yeah, he's an awesome pranker, and we need to talk to him about some business, but business nonetheless.

Let's get it cut back.

Yeah.

Milkman, what's going on in the news?

I heard a school bus collapsed on a bridge or something in Minneapolis, right?

Yeah, I think it was a little yellow school bus that was lost from Florida.

Oh, yeah?

It was overweight.

It had like one extra heavy fat accident, and it caused the bridge to buckle.

What's his name?

And that's because of the failure of the bridge.

Was his name Prankmaster?

That's right.

Well, fortunately, he had his blue raft with him.

And no one else survived.

Yeah, man.

Well, hey.

And luckily, the bus had a blue raft on it, which all the kids jumped on.

No, seriously, though.

There was a bridge collapse here in Minneapolis, St. Paul.

So we just want to take a moment of silence.

Milkman, can you cut the music off for me, please, my good friend?

Let's all just take a moment of silence here.

We're going to ring the bell two times for the victims of Bridgegate 2007.

All right, there we go.

All right, well, let's hear it for the dead, everybody.

What is it we play, Taps?

Yeah, the dead rocks, man.

I like them.

That reminds me.

Grateful Dead radio station is opening up on Sirius, man.

Cool.

How about that?

Jerry Garcia is actually going to host it, man.

They should have the ghost of Jerry Garcia do a show on that station.

No, seriously, you know what, Milkman, we'd totally be like that.

No, not the ghost, the host.

Milkman, if we ever, yeah, the host, yeah.

Seriously, though, if we were at a funeral, I think we would do just that.

We would be talking through the taps part of it, just having a common conversation.

No, no, so a bridge collapsed in Minneapolis.

I don't know what else to say about it, a horrible thing.

I don't know why they had to interrupt my TV show last night, American Inventor.

The local news broke in to give me a story in Orlando.

The Orlando local news broke in to a live show, finale of a very good reality show,

in order to give me an update about the bridge collapse in Minneapolis-St. Paul.

I ask you why this happened.

I don't know why the Orlando news department was breaking into this.

I think the main news was that Prince was not in any way in harm.

yeah that's right yes that's true prince is prince is safe and uh fuck dude hey man let's play some

prince right now what do you say let's do some prank calls man we'll talk about news stories

oh man yeah man that's right let's let's play some prince i don't have any prince oh you know

what i got milkman all right we got two prince songs 99 no no no no no no no listen now we have

We have two possible songs.

Yellow Rain.

No, listen.

We've got When the Doves Cry or Bat Dance.

Remember Bat Dance?

Oh, yeah, that one.

Bat Dance, man.

Let's play some Bat Dance.

No, no, no.

Fuck Bat Dance.

No, man.

Fuck that, man.

When the Doves Cry.

I'm going to kill a freaking dove.

I'm going to wring his neck.

Oh, shit.

All right, well, here goes the milkman and his fantasy of killing doves.

We'll be calling people next.

from Lonesome Loser next

we are calling the Tickle Pink Inn

Tickle Pink, Pink Inn

take your call at this moment

please leave your name and number and we'll get back to you

if you're calling about our youth hours

youth ages 14 to 21 are welcome to join us here

Tuesdays and Thursdays

that sounds like a 10 year old on the phone

can you believe this?

they're corrupting the youth

they sound like juke man

Yeah, I think it's Jupe.

That's what happened to Jupe.

Oh, man, let's leave a message for Jupe, everybody.

Hey, Jupe, what's up?

It's Carlito on the Milkman.

Say hi, Milkman.

Hey, hi, Milkman.

We got a dirty thing.

Yeah, look, Jupe, Milkman behavior.

Jupe, dude, it's awesome that you come out,

and congratulations on your job leaving answering machine messages

for the Gay Youth Information Club.

Dude, we're just out.

You know the number.

Madhouse is here for you, man.

Later, Jupe.

Take care.

Jupe, everybody.

Jupe.

So that's where the Jupe store went, everybody.

Awesome.

No, that's not Jupe, Milkman.

All right?

That's not fun.

Jupe would never do something like that.

That is not.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

You know, and here's one thing I like to say.

You sound like you had that little tiny black mustache or brown mustache.

Who?

Prince?

Prince did.

Prince does have a little gay mustache.

No, Jupe.

Yeah, well, so does Prince.

And we're talking about Prince still.

Ted Webb says this just in.

Jupe is bi.

No, well, Jupe is bi, but Prince is gay.

No.

Do you think Prince is gay?

I think Prince is...

No, no, no, no.

Prince is bi.

Prince is definitely bi.

Admittedly bi.

Oh, really?

I'm a big fan of Prince.

Oh, you're a big fan of bi, too, huh?

All right.

Good, man.

Well, that's good.

Yeah, and I'm a fan of KDK.

He's bi.

KDK's bi?

I don't know.

Holy shit.

KDK's a bi?

Wow, man.

I had no idea.

I can't confirm none of this because I don't sleep with any of them.

I just go by the going talk.

All right.

All right, here.

Here's what we're doing.

We're calling next the American Legion post-98.

Post-98 of the American Legion.

This is in Minnesota.

Okay.

Charges as listed on the back of your card and poster.

That song was gay.

Milkman, never play that song again.

Thank you.

Hi.

Hi, guys.

This is Milkman.

Oh, you know why they call me the Milkman.

Any second.

I'm working at the Gay Odyssey hotline.

Yeah, the Tinkle Pink in or whatever it is, it didn't ring.

It did just what this is doing here.

Tinkle Pink.

Dude, man, with the network difficulties, man.

I've got a tinkle.

Can you hold on for a minute?

See if this goes through.

Dude, there's one song that you played that kind of reminds me of that half-baked,

that smoke weed guy, man.

I don't know what that is, but I like that one.

You have to play it.

the rapper the guy that says smoke weed i don't know who that is who the hell whatever

i had no idea what you do milkman and take it easy all right man you're gonna turn off the

new listeners with all that three jesus christ all right let me let me try the tickle pink in

again this these numbers aren't going through red stamp and ripple and ripple now let's see

Oh, there we go.

Ripple it is, man.

You've got to say Ripple Pink every time you do a...

We're calling the Tickle Pink in.

Elizabeth, how may I help you?

Hey, Liz.

How are you doing, babe?

I'm doing well.

How are you?

Can I ask you to speak up a little bit?

I'm in a crowded bar.

Okay.

Just a question about your establishment there.

Have you ever thought about looking into the investment of ripples?

No.

Do you know what I mean, though?

This is not a sales call, but I came in the other day, and I noticed you didn't have any,

and it would really be convenient if you actually had the ripples there.

Would you like to speak with the manager?

Is he going to be mean to me or nice?

nice uh you'd have to check with him okay what's his demeanor like today is he calm today i'll

transfer you what's his name what i asked his name referring call bastards special off season rates

are available december through march please ask your reservationist this ain't working

something else everybody hang on focus no answer there milkman no answer i am now unmuting milkman

milkman is off of punishment congratulations milkman no i was asking um could you please

play the Fred Sanford clip

that I sent in as a

segue to our next call, because

Ripple is the main subject of

the clip that I sent. That's right. Sanford

and son Ripple, here we go. On request

from Milkman, it's an all-request weekend on

98.6 The Mouth.

Hey, this calls for a toast, man. Right on. Pops calls

you on the top.

I drink to that. I drink to anything.

No, we really didn't

plan on you being at the party. Well, it's my house.

I should be at the party, and I got a pot

of stew and some Ripple.

Are you kidding?

I got a fancy wine called Beaujolais.

All right, then.

Beaujolais.

Well, we'll just pour it in the river and call it Beaujolippo.

Y'all got anything to drink?

No, all we had was some French furniture polish.

Beaujolais.

Hey, look here.

Reach inside my coat here.

Reach right in there.

Rasta is your pasta.

Y'all put it in your hair like it's Rastafari hair.

It's the pasta.

stop who is this i am so white who is this i am an american no clue who it is it's aaron hi

doing my god so my boyfriend he he pulled out his cock and he's like kiss it and i was like

yeah right no no i he said kiss it and i was like gross right yeah so what would you do in

that situation i'd be like okay would you now unless you'd like me to hand you over to your

your girlfriend okay please okay bye hey babe what's up working i need dinner by the time you're

home you get 10 minutes for shower um and then dinner on the table hot stand me this is your

boyfriend not my boyfriend yes it is now gave you away to me did you not hear her just now um no i

didn't well she said you're my girlfriend now so when you get home i would kindly give you 10

minutes for a shower or maybe a horse bath you know just a sponge bath get that sweat off of

interviews and making dinner okay i'll work on that something with uh not too much garlic okay

there we go that's as far as we get you have three dollars

i sent you a message in gtalk your boyfriend

jack masterson yeah your boyfriend told me to call you we gotta do a jack masterson call my

friend jack masterson my friend yeah okay uh so milkman anything else in the news going on

that we should know about?

I don't think so, right?

Is that about it?

Yeah, the impeachment proceedings

for Marvito Gonzalez,

the Attorney General.

Boring.

Rapidly on the way, thank goodness.

So what?

Alberto Gonzalez is going to get impeached,

you think?

Big deal.

So what?

It's not the president,

it's not the vice president.

Well, that's just a start, man.

It's just a start.

By the time they get all the way up...

The rug pulls out

and everybody starts sliding.

By the time they get close

to the vice president,

Bush will be out of office.

He's just going to write it out, dude.

It's no big deal.

Cheney's not going anywhere.

Of course, they'll just make it cloture, but it'll still go down as a muddy mark,

which is a nice thing to guarantee that we'll have a Democratic presidency.

Well, we got the promise from Nancy Pelosi on 60 Minutes before she got elected.

She promised she would not go after the president in an impeachment process,

and I think she might have said the vice president also.

So, in that case, it won't happen, my friend.

I don't think it'll happen.

It won't.

Yeah, well, you think he's going to get anything at all?

They're never going to.

Hey.

You don't ever get that.

And follow this, isn't it?

It's a promise that it's not a promise.

Yeah.

Whatever you say, bro.

I'm the world's greatest detective.

Look at that one out.

Step out of your pipe and smoke it.

Wait, what?

Smoke weed every day.

Anyway.

All right, so we continue.

Yeah.

Avocados do grow on trees, Milkman.

Very good.

You get another gold star, man.

You are kicking it.

Yeah.

Gold stars, Milkman.

Milkman with another gold star tonight, everybody.

There you go, buddy.

Yeah, man.

We got purple and green ones that are growing trees here, like apples.

The purple ones, they call them alligator pear.

All right.

Milkman, let's do one more prank call, and we're going to have our guest call in here

since we're almost at the quarter hour point right here.

You're listening to Madhouse Radio, 11-7.

Hey, you want to chip out on your mind?

11-7 p.m.

Motherfuckers.

I love it.

I love doing this show, and I love talking to you all here every week.

Thank you very much for being with us.

There are, I don't know how many people we've got listening tonight, Milkman.

46 people listening tonight live, awesome.

Okay, we've got 25 total.

Oh, that's not bad.

Thanks, man.

I like the numbers.

Good numbers.

Keep it up.

Keep it up, everybody.

Keep it up.

All combined networks, thank you very much.

Yes, sir.

What's going on?

What is it?

Hi, Athena.

You coming to bother me?

You are.

Good.

Appreciate that.

Everybody used to think...

What do I got for this, folks?

Well, more like a bum, sort of.

A musical bum than anything.

But we can't get any calls through.

The phone, you know, the network, it's inundated right now.

Every night about 11 o'clock this happens.

No, man.

I think maybe our...

I can't hear you.

You're talking away from the microphone.

The phone's very popular.

I'm sorry.

All right, well, hang on.

Let's just shoot the shit here real quick for a little bit.

Please hang up.

We'll have to apparently give it some time before we can do some prank calls, unfortunately.

So we'll just keep talking.

Hey, guys, if you want to call in, though, well, let's tell you what.

Let's go ahead and have Reclude call in.

Reclude.

Reclude, if you're listening.

There's a lot of bullshit going on around here tonight.

Milkman, you know what I'm talking about?

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

I can't find Reclude at all here in my messenger.

Why?

Jesus Christ.

All right, anyway, so Reclude's going to be calling in here in a moment.

That's going to do a bruising bag of leaves.

quest ad for me. I want Brunovega and W.C. Fields. I haven't heard them in ages, and

they're my long-time fanning favorite characters ever. Awesome, dude. All right, well, let's

see if we get a Brunovega call here. We got plenty of numbers from Lonesome Loser. Brunovega

and W.C. Fields, please. W.C. Fields, you know, they never go that far, but Brunovega,

though, are good prank calls, and he does. If you hear him, though, it's enough to bust

the guy that's true that's true we'll see we'll see uh we're standing by for uh reclude just a

moment folks we're right back after what's gonna have you on the line man that's awesome reclude

oh jonathan what's up i thought you were reclude for a second there you sound a lot like him man

get that a lot hey man the show it's like you know because you know why because the phone

card's not working man we can't do prank calls and that's what people come here for

no i ran that jonathan guess what's coming out soon madhouse radio cd i'm trying to keep the

cost down on it but it's going to have about 70 minutes worth of worth of just prank calls man

yeah i'm going to have at least one or two brand new prank calls on it i've never been played

anywhere anything like that isn't that awesome jonathan so jonathan you're a bus driver what

are your feelings on that bridge collapse with a school bus went down and all the kids survived

of course but as a bus driver how do you feel about that four people dead and shit four people

dead and i think it's 30 injured we got reports here coming in from my source the arm it's just

It's just something, you know, you're just driving on a bridge and all of a sudden it starts collapsing, dude.

I mean, what would you do?

I'd gun it, you know.

I'd gun it.

As usual, America got together and people were doing stuff to help each other out, you know.

Thinking about they didn't just run away.

They helped the kids out.

They helped the neighbor out and the other car next to them.

It's a great country we live in, man, Jonathan, isn't it?

He doesn't accept our block calls anymore.

He got that privacy blocker deal.

We can't get through to him anymore, man.

Can you call him on three-way?

If you try, man, we'll stay here.

We can't do any phone calls right now, but, hey, if you could hook us up with that,

we'll talk to Cheese Boy for you, man.

We'll even play music for you, man.

All right, yeah, Jonathan, coming in, everybody.

Jonathan.

Here we go.

All right, let's see if this works, huh, Milkman?

I'm excited.

It's Thursday nights, he gets, you know, you know.

Go ahead, let me try on your car.

Thanks.

This old train, this old train, this old train, get out of here.

This old train, happy, happy, happy, this old train, this old train.

All right, good.

Jonathan, it's been great having you on as usual.

Now's your chance to say your piece.

and i hope you have an excellent weekend too you're making a good one usa

what do you keep making noise when we're on the phone what is that about i just hear like you know

hear like a bunch of rustling in the background and and and whatnot you know recluse about to

call into the show i did not want to interrupt that call there was something on the line man

and i i got a lot of people complain and uh even recluse doesn't like it man recluse is mad okay

Okay, listen here. Just please message me. I've got a number for you.

I'm calling the complaint department at 1-800-

Crybaby!

Aw, fuck you.

Come on, what's up?

What's going on, reclute? How you doing, brother man?

Aw, dude, man, I'm on top of the world.

Top of the world. Can't be better, huh?

Right?

I'm fucking kind of coked up right now.

Nice, dude. So how much coke we talking about one night? What's that do?

I don't know.

What's an eight ball, by the way?

Oh, wait a minute.

You see, milkman, milkman, this is what I'm talking about.

I'm pissed at milkman, dude.

dude. Why? He keeps making cat noises in the background when people are on the phone. He

thinks it's funny. Now he's on timeout. Well, fucking block him, then. Yeah, that's why

I had to put him on timeout, man. You gotta chill out, man. Yeah, he's got a cat and it's

in heat and he won't spay the stupid cat. Fuck cats. Fuck cats, I know, right? Fucking

cats, dude. Fucking shit's annoying, man. Yeah, yeah, dude. So what's going on with

Busybone? Anything new? He's came in a couple times. He might be, all right, check this

shit. 30 second story, man. Fucking, and he has to do with this a little bit. Just

Usually investors that came in have a rock group or whatever that I'm taking to Memphis.

I'm taking to Memphis like three times.

I'm going back on the 14th, and they're going to pay $10,000.

$4,000?

Oh, $10,000 for one verse?

Damn.

Swear to God, dude.

It's fucking lunatic.

I don't think it's...

I mean, as much as I like them, it's worth it.

But I guess, whatever.

He just signed with Virgin, so they're all like, fuck them.

Whatever.

Next week, I'll let you know if it's true.

They're about to do one thing with like four or five different next week and be there.

I'll tell you.

Once it like happens, I know it's going to be tons of bullshit.

shit i don't even want to say i don't want to say shit yeah i know it's online too if i don't do it

someone on here is going to hear it and post and it's going to get everywhere exactly we don't

want to say but i will say this dude i'm being mentored by this like 12 time grammy winner

that's why i'm going back dude so cool he's board of director dude i got voting rights

admit and vote on anything put into the grammys like like 50 million whatever yeah i know there's

too many people do that but i know i'm in dude i'm telling you once you get in the system man

And start networking and shit

You can get

But anyway

Enough with that work and shit

I got a new hot little

Fucking assistant

Blonde?

She's like natural blonde

She dyes her hair

Every once in a while

Different shit

Okay

So yeah

She's got a notebook

And writes everything down

That's the life right there man

That's the life right there

You gotta

Get your copy

What else you need?

All I gotta say is

Don't tell anybody

But we're

Tomorrow we'll be doing

Lines and shit

But uh

Cool

What's gonna happen

Monday

I'll take one of these

Amiga parts

Stuff like

I know people

People, like, go to Disney on acid and ecstasy and shit.

Art is fucking crazy, dude.

Yeah.

So are you going to, like, a roller coaster park or, like, an animal park?

What kind of park are you going to do?

Animal park.

Yeah, we're going to go watch the animals fuck.

You're going to watch the monkeys jack off on ecstasy.

Yeah, that's the last thing.

Monkeys.

Girl be throwing up and I'll have a real good time.

Throwing shit everywhere.

No, I'm taking her down to either, this is a park called King's Island or up to Cedar

Point, pretty much where I grew up at.

Both of them, like, have the bomb coasters.

Cool.

So, I want to take a day off.

I'm going to work on, like...

That

shit dude i can't dude i've been telling you

This is gonna

This is my big break man

If I don't work that

Then it's gonna

Do some pranks bro

Yeah what's up

What did you say

Like bitch talk bitch

Oh yeah

Speaking of music

And CDs dude

I'm finishing up a CD

And uh

One of the better pranks

That I wanted to put on there

Was that the queen mother

Is dead

But that's your prank

So I thought I'd at least

Ask you if you wanted

To be on there

Oh fuck yeah dude

Put it on there

In that broader list

Of today

Yeah

That same one

Yeah

Yeah that's

It's funny dude

I was like

You know I'm like

I'm like

One of the best

Fucking prankers

In the nation

You are

If I had more time, I could get better.

I'm honestly, like, I can't even touch what, like, Richard.

They do a lot of soundboard shit, though.

They got a lot of people backing them up, too.

They got people just, you know, getting sound, ripping up people's audio books to make soundboards and shit, dude.

I know, dude. They got interns working for them and shit.

That's like a full-time operation.

Yeah, they got the most resources of any prank caller out there, dude.

You know, prank callers are like, they got interns and studios and shit in New York.

Fucking Christ. That's not fair. It's not a fair advantage.

All I got to say is this, and I'm going to stop talking about the intern.

So anyways, she's pretty young.

I'm not going to say how young.

16?

What?

16?

No, I'm kidding.

I'm playing that part.

It's not a prank master thing.

I got you.

Yeah, no, it's a little better than that.

It doesn't matter, dude.

You win Grammys.

You do whatever.

It's like, not that I have yet, but I'm going to.

You get to that point, you can do whatever.

Cool.

Coke lines with the whole family.

Nice bays and shit like that.

Yeah, those fucking annoying ass surveys.

So anyways, like the first day, a couple days, she's like, yeah, Jay just banged me on the mixing board.

No shit.

You cannot put it online.

Like your mixing board?

Oh.

Talk about me, dude.

I'm kidding.

I mean, she put that online so fucking people could blow up her spot.

You want to know something else that's weird?

Okay.

She's like, I want you to start calling me Lolita.

She wants you to call her Lolita.

Get her in one of those Catholic outfits, you know, those Catholic schoolgirl things?

Has she done that yet?

Don't worry.

She wears like hot outfits.

Aerosmith video where the girl is the Silverstone in that outfit.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

You gotta do that.

That's a great idea.

I'm going to.

Dude, you don't understand.

It's not even necessary.

It's like every...

Never will.

And she works for you.

Fuck yeah, dude.

She works for me, dude.

She's a little bit better.

She's a bitch.

I'm like, you know,

left somebody to deal with drama.

Let's make some fucking pranks.

The people are waiting for pranks here.

We're ready to do pranks, everybody.

Here we go.

We've got...

We tried to...

And just to warn you ahead of time,

I'm losing the...

The phone card is fucking up on us,

so hopefully this will work.

How can you do?

Hey, yeah, Milkman.

man. Keep things quiet over there. We've got Ireland here. We've got a hotel in Ireland.

We've got a lodge guest house in Ireland also. Milkman wants to make sure that you try to

do a Bruno Vega here if you can possibly. I'll try, man. But let's call Ireland. Okay.

We've got Jane Moore Flanagan. We've got the Benedict's Hotel. You want to try the

hotel first? What was the other one? Like a person? Yeah. Jane Moore Flanagan. Let's

Let's try the person.

All right, we'll try the person first.

I'm going to send you all three of these here, and you should be...

Jane Moore Flanagan.

Flanagan.

Miss Flanagan.

Like, three names, or what the fuck is that shit?

Yeah, I sent you...

Look in your aim, if you're by it right now, and you can see all the details.

The first one is the one we're going to call, all right?

Okay.

All right, and while we do that, you get ready, and we're going to do a call after this.

Reclude coming up with some prank calls now.

What?

Oh, man.

No, it's too...

Okay.

Let's do it.

Please.

It's a wang.

Fucked it up.

I understand.

Hang on.

Recorded your message.

There we go.

It's gonna be an interesting message for her.

You're back.

Get in your fucking hole.

I'll be down for a pint and I'll give you a...

I'll fuck it up.

What happened?

That's a great one.

Let's start now.

All right.

Hang on.

We'll try the hotel now if you don't mind.

All right.

It's a work of art.

Yes.

How does that sound like speaking?

Right back.

That's all right.

Number.

Now.

Room.

Lot of gold.

I'm the face buckles on your shoe. No problem. Wait a man this time

Bow down to that

Leprechaun sir mortars a big cliff home for the elderly in England also in Manchester there. Oh shit. That's a great one

Masters handyman

You just flew.

He gets so angry, he ran a plane into Big Ben.

We'll call that home for the elderly now.

This is in Manchester, England.

Manchester.

I can't wait.

I can't wait either, man.

I'm excited.

Please redial on 0161-253-5000.

Wow, what?

5576, what did she say?

You have $40.

Do you hear what she said at the end?

Your destination number now.

Let's just call someone in England at random.

Hang on.

Let's wake up England, everybody.

Okay, I'll start off as the leprechaun.

We'll try that guest house again in a little bit.

Maybe we'll give him a second here.

Maybe he'll cool off.

He went out to smoke a hookah.

A hookah.

I got it.

All right, you got it.

Hash.

Let's hear it.

To erase and rerecord, press 3.

To continue recording, press 4.

I don't know.

To cancel, press start.

I say 2.

2.

Press 1 to send a message.

Yeah, she does.

We all need a hand release.

Release.

Sorry, let's try Marjorie Holmes instead here.

Yeah, let's keep it going until we get a good one.

To disconnect, press 1 to enter a device.

Shut up.

Let's just send her like 10 messages.

She just keeps messaging.

Hey, bitch.

She just kept going.

She's in...

God damn it.

What kind of fucking sand-nigger shit is that?

This has been happening all night.

Milkman has a barking cat.

That's a...

To the sun.

By the light of Allah, I mean, what are you doing or some shit.

Oh, fuck that.

That noise.

Thank you.

Okay, well, we can try one more.

We'll try Spar Fortfield in Ireland.

This one is in Ireland, of course.

Ya fucking prick.

Hello, Fortfield?

Hello?

I'm the little

Team you from across

Oh, Tanya?

Yeah

Alright

Yes, hold on

Okay

Hello

Hello, who's that?

That?

Who's that?

Randolph

Sorry, what's going on?

Yeah

5 in the morning

Up all night again?

Yeah

Hard over

Gone

Lost a fucking patient

Enter your destination number

Now

Hang on, we'll try this now

Man, they were digging that

We're gonna be collecting a debt

Let me start this one

Go ahead, go ahead

Alright, but you jump in

Just a bunch of bullshit

What the hell was that?

I don't know what's going on

It's a weird night tonight, Reckless.

I don't know what's up, bro.

Got a lot of wrong numbers and numbers not going through, stuff like that.

It happens, though, you know.

Let's fucking nail it.

We still haven't got a good one yet.

Let's see.

That was a submission by email.

The guy, I guess he's got creditors calling him along.

He wanted us to be like the creditors.

Now, here, I've got a guy who's a big Star Trek fan and is one of the most paranoid people that this person knows.

Really?

He lives in Ohio, in Springfield, Ohio.

Oh, shit.

That's kind of close.

That's where all the fucking hillbillies live.

He's in his 40s, and his name is Jim Pidcock.

And he always thinks that Big Brother is watching him, he says.

Oh, sweet.

Yeah, I know.

We got stuff.

All right, I will call him.

Who the fuck gave that one?

No, some guy online.

It's Jim Pidcock, all right?

You got it?

Jim Pidcock.

Jim Pidcock, all right?

We'll do that now.

Biggie.

Business.

Hey, how are you doing?

All right, who's this?

This is, uh...

Well, actually, we just called to let you know that we're just...

Uh, yeah, I hear you.

We know you're a big Star Trek soul, and we just wanted to say that...

Hey, Bob, what's going on?

No, it's just, I mean, I think we're out to get you, but we're just, you know what I'm saying?

It's just part of the government, and we're listening. That's all.

So, call me. I didn't call you.

No, I know, but, you know, I'm just trying to have a conversation.

How have you been doing, Bob?

I've been doing well. Favorite episode?

My deal. What are you doing to this meeple?

You have to repeat yourself clearly.

I don't know.

I mean, I just want to let you know we're listening.

You know, you're a model citizen. We're not worried about you, but we're worried about some of the people in your town.

I don't live in a town. I live in a city.

Excuse me, but I'm with the Illuminati. I'm listening to you. I'm listening to you listening to him.

Deeper than you thought, huh?

Not you now, dude.

Tom, should we stop by? Tom, should we stop by? We're going to all stop, you know, we'll discuss this.

Fuck some whores.

I mean, it's funny that you think, obviously, I'm probably the same kind of person as you, that it's basically that fact, I mean, right in front of my face.

So, no, I understand, you know.

You're the one that speaks to me and my colleagues. You're going to have to bring a large sum of cash with you.

Ha ha, cash.

We don't believe you.

I'm not talking about cash. Not really while we're stopping by.

Cash is nothing anymore.

It's not going to be anything in the next 15 years, my friend.

Sir, you remember when Data got the emotion chip and he was afraid to connect it to himself?

We're going to turn your emotion chip off.

How would you like to live without emotions, buddy?

How would you like that?

For love again, don't you, brother?

Gentlemen, I'm going to borrow your time here with a dead cell phone battery.

You got a Nokia?

What do you got?

Was that a Nokia you got there, buddy?

What do you got?

You got a Nokia or what, I said?

What do you got, Samsung, Nokia?

You should know all this information about me.

Good night.

It's cool, yeah.

It's fun.

Laugh it up.

Laugh it up, funny boy.

You guys take care.

Take care, buddy.

That kind of did suck.

It wasn't as funny.

Can you stay on for one more?

Yes.

Terry Crook.

Can you let me go get some...

Sure.

Put on a song.

You have one hour, 24 minutes, 57 seconds.

No, yeah, you go ahead.

You got time.

As listed on the back of your card and poster.

Reckless thirsty.

Reckless thirsty, getting something to drink.

You can, you can.

You got time.

Who is this?

Terry Crook in England.

Husband, lawn and janitorial services in Guam.

Welcome to BT answer 1571.

Oh, fuck you, BT shit.

Go get your deal.

I'll play a little song for a few minutes, all right?

Fuck you.

You do that.

I'll take another.

We'll be all right.

Hang on, folks.

Hey, Recklet, how about I take a break?

Can you hold on the phone?

Can you hold on the line for a few minutes?

Would that be cool?

I'll put it on hold.

I got to go fucking do a rail or something.

You go do some rails.

We're going to take a break.

Milkman's got to go take a shit, he's telling me, so.

All right.

Hang on, Recklet.

Let me turn you off there.

Sean, you're not going to hear anything.

Don't panic, all right?

That's fine.

I'll be here.

All right, folks.

We're going to give the show a break here because we're kind of running into trouble.

So we're going to take about a five-minute break, get ourselves situated here again,

and hopefully what we do when we come back is do some good prank calls.

If not, then we'll call it a night really quickly.

It's not a big deal.

But in the time being, we're going to take a break.

And Milkman, Gay Sulu Milkman, coming up next.

Too doggone late.

Got to testify.

Come up in the spot looking extra fly.

Yeah.

For the day I die.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

Don't tell me 40,000 people are coming here.

They're not here.

I don't give a fuck about all our names at this point, man.

You better not say something, because I'm going to call the real damn police.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

I don't have time for your bullshit.

Thank you, man.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Oh, yeah, just come over here.

I'm going to show you.

Do you want to talk to your mom?

Fuck you, bitch.

I'm going to fuck her up.

I called

Reclude is here

You all railed up

There's a number I sent you

A local guy

I fucking don't like him

He talks shit about me

My studio

Because he's a punk little bitch

Anybody who talks shit about me

All I gotta say is

Look at my resume bitch

That's right

Runs a recording studio

Out of his parents basement

And he's an expert

In kung fu and martial arts

And he loves acid

Dude that'd be some fuck

Like doing kung fu

on acid yeah i wonder if it's been done before that'd be freaky dude what a fucking moron yeah

what a ass beat his ass fuck bobby joey guy joey okay let me see yeah so we're gonna call i got a

premise okay and uh basically we're gonna say we heard about his studio heard his heard about like

somebody told me about him but i don't know who he recorded because i don't wait a minute let me

out of the sky.

Ooh, dude.

Be coordinated

with someone else.

That's cool.

Oh, shit.

Wrong person.

Oops.

What we,

we also have,

we'll do that,

we also have

a 24-hour store

in the UK

that smells like shit.

That's from Nunu.

Confirmed.

Thank you, Nunu.

We got Guam

Animals in Need.

We got the Guam

Adventist Academy.

Wow.

We got some crazy

shit here, too.

We got a lot to call.

I think we're gonna do,

I feel,

I feel pumped, man.

You know?

We're gonna nail

this shit, dude.

I got me some

fucking bumps.

We're going to go and do it.

Let's do it.

Fuck it, dude.

Come on.

Fuck yeah.

Let's go beat the control room.

Doing coke here on Madhouse Radio.

I'm not, but, you know, Breck Lute is.

All right, dude.

So you want to call yours first then?

You ready?

Let's do it.

Let's fuck with this prick.

Okay.

Here he goes.

Some dude is talking shit to Breck Lute.

Are you pranking him or do you want me to prank him?

I got a personal beef, so I think I should.

Go for it, dude.

Let it loose.

Let the demon loose.

Let's bruise.

Hang on, folks.

Here comes Breck Lute.

Hey, Bobby.

I'm at Bernie's.

Tell me that you recorded bands. Yeah, man. We went to went to this one guy's studio over there

What's called a fucking paper tiger funk as hell as it what do you charge down here? Well right now open because

You're not open. What do you mean?

You're not open running in my studio out of a basement and then we don't have that place anymore

And I had to move shit the thing then are you supposed to be good? It's all home recording

It's home recording for a lot of go find a CD anything that says no liberal production, man

Okay, well, I mean, can you tell me a band or something?

Watchmen, Fuzz, Fuzz, Get Business, Herschel and all.

Oh, it's not, I mean, do you want to do it just like, jack off? Do you want to really do it?

Know what they're doing?

I mean, you called me, man.

Yeah, well, I called to question you, you fucking boo, you don't even know.

I mean, do you run a studio or not? Do you fucking sit there and make ass at Kung Fu or what?

What do you, do you fucking record anything or do you just sit there?

Man, we record.

You don't have any samples and it's in a fucking basement and you don't even have it.

So, how the hell do you record?

It's not a professional studio.

Oh, okay, well, okay, cool, cool, that's great.

Yeah, it is a half-assed studio by your definite, I'm sorry.

Well, yeah, I'm sorry, well, some people do it for a living, you know what I'm saying?

I'm just, I thought you were even, like, trying to be, but I guess, so you're just doing it as a hobby, like, like a train set, or what?

It's something I do for my own personal, yeah.

Oh, okay, it's kind of like jacking off, personal thing, you just, like, get magazines and jack off to them, cool.

Yeah, but, I mean, I guess it's so good that, you know, somebody gave you my number to have you call me, so.

Yeah, I guess it's fucking good that you don't even have a studio.

You don't even know what fucking bands you've done.

I mean, come on.

Oh, okay, Buddies.

Okay, Buddies, Jacket, Little Jerk.

Cool.

What do you got?

You

Bounce It, two tracks, and you bounce it, make six.

You recordin' off of.

Set us in cans.

It's also absolutely fucking literally nothing.

It's not a studio, according to you, so, I mean, it's usually...

Okay, well, cool. How about I karate chop your fucking... your mouth?

You called me and started bitching about it?

No, because you're fucked off.

I thought I was going to get a good recording, but now, you know what I'm saying?

I'm just wasting my fucking time.

Why don't you meet me down at fucking Larry's, huh?

Why don't you meet me down at fucking Larry's and be talking like that, you fucking acid head?

Running coke for Scarface?

Exactly.

Cool.

What'd you say?

Somebody lied to you?

It's not my fault they lied to you and gave you my number.

Yeah, what are you doing?

What, are you at a dojo down there?

But, I mean, I'm not the guy you're looking for.

Okay, yeah.

Evidently.

Somebody with a fucking balls.

Well, evidently.

I mean, what?

You have people up and ditching at them.

No, I just wanted to get something, and you're just fucking sitting there just blowing fucking smoke.

You know what I'm saying?

For all your life, putting fucking two mics.

How many mics?

Mic, five, AKG 440.

I've got a couple other mics.

Four.

Dynamic.

It's not professional.

Where'd you buy your mics at, fucking Kmart?

Commercial.

I don't know who gave you them.

It's not even commercial.

Well, let's just do it half-assed.

I mean, let's just record the fucking kids on the street playing basketball.

Um, just for me, you know?

What are you, a musician?

Or what do you play?

Yeah, I play guitar.

Oh, God, oh, I should go far.

Girlfriend?

In the studio, how you doing, buddy?

Thank you, in the studio, how you doing, buddy?

Hey, buddy, yeah, yeah, your microphones are a piece of shit there, huh?

Yeah!

Oh, it's for just, for fun. I don't know who gave you this number.

Yeah, for fun.

Professional, and then I charge you money and stuff.

Some band that you fucking, yeah, you said, I don't do it for me.

You didn't tell anybody that?

What band was that?

Hmm, me, uh, got it. Guitar player.

Yeah, you better keep playing on it.

Well good, I'll keep you to your time job. What, you wanna play fuckin' bars for a livin'?

Hey man, you think you can kick my ass?

I didn't say I could.

Shit!

Hey man, I know one move I can kill you in one move, man.

One punch in the breadbasket.

You doin' it, Flo?

Nope.

You go, whaaa?

James, what do you got, the whole deal?

Hey man, got this cat here?

Why?

He took a shit in the toilet.

He took a shit in the toilet, man, he shoulda seen it.

Oh man.

Yeah, when you come back to Ohio, will you fuckin' take the wrong bus?

Hello, sir.

Cool, and I wanted to do them a favor, maybe?

Dude, dude, dude, dude, look, man, I'm hungry.

Wrap it up, wrap it up.

Mr. Studio Guy, man, we gotta wrap it up, you know?

Who gave you my number?

Your friend.

I tell you, fucking Logie, that's who gave it to you.

I really don't know who you got this number from, because I don't, I'm not commercial at all, in all honesty, bro.

Well, ain't.

No, he just got your number off a bathroom.

Don't shit in my toilet, buddy.

Fucked up my toilet.

I tell you what, did you get mad?

I forgot so much about that, dude.

Thank you for reminding me.

Okay, cool.

He's this guy gave Matt a blowjob man. He's a gay fucking number some broad that fucking bro fucking got blonde hair look

That's just for me. It's not like it's commercial or professional or anything

I don't know that was great or whatever. Let me do it can bump hold on a second

We're gonna go dude. You suck. All right later man thing for you. Hang on before you're my good friend

You try doing that. Yeah, I do it this happy you take a piss. Can we listen to it?

Yeah, let's let's hear your pee real quick man. Come on. It's hardcore. So get up

We're gonna go unless you're gonna take a piss, dude. What's up, but Bernie's what do you get fucking what do you get soda?

Exactly. It's where you get a fucking fucking what a fucking you got Santiago in Puerto Rico a milkman any milk

Can give me an update real quick while we do that. What's going on?

You said you got a glow worm also ready waiting to join in here. You say

Hang on. Hang on right. Let me go anywhere. I'll talk to this redneck. Oh, you heard it. You heard a answer machine

I don't know what I

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

The audio dial does not affect anonymous calls.

Let's do that in Puerto Rico now.

Puerto Rico, moving up, man.

All right, we got Rebecca Vega if you want to hang on.

...81 cents.

Please enter your...

Oh, shit, dude.

That guy that we just pranked?

Yeah.

Is he really saying that?

One second.

Let me see what...

Do that.

I'm going to get another call here.

Hang on.

Hello.

Hello, Vega.

What are you talking about?

About this...

Oh, Vega.

I'm trying to talk to...

I want you to shut up, please.

Shut up your mouth.

Shut up.

shut up your mouth

be quiet please

okay

I want you to shut up

be quiet

okay

alright so you can hear

how long it took

to get a hold of her

I know

it's like

you can hear

like you can hear

the echo from her

hearing you

delayed on the other end

like satellite

I know

I was like trying

I was talking slow

I don't know

I'm fucking out of it

that was a guam

guam

I almost said guam

yeah me too man

this show is

I'm really fucked up

for this show man

fucking show dude

alright right glue man

it's been a good run

thanks for being on

as always bro

Yeah, man, I'm going to go fit fucking rails, try to do some work.

Oh, good luck with that, man.

Oh, shit's fucking bomb, pretty nice, yeah.

Yeah, man, awesome.

Living the dream, man.

Anyway, yeah.

I'll send you a copy, man.

You got it.

Cool, man.

All right, peace out, bro.

All right, take care, buddy.

Sorry, bye.

I think that was a long conversation, but the recluse, that was a, wow, hours and hours

long.

Milkman, the toll-free line is now open, if you didn't know.

I know.

The toll-free line is now open.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, man.

And we're out of here.

Thanks, everybody.

We'll catch you next week.

Kidding.

We'll leave soon.

Not yet.

You said Glowworm.

I know Ted wants to call in.

I know Glowworm wants to call in.

Yeah, Glowworm's calling in right now.

What's happening?

Why has it been busy?

All right.

Yes, it has been.

It has been.

Well, maybe that's him right there.

Let's see.

I think it is.

Let's check this out, everybody.

I'm on a UK call, man.

House Raider, you're on the air.

No.

Who's this?

You sound old.

They said you were...

Milkman said you were calling in, but I couldn't tell by the voice.

You usually sound a lot different than that.

Ah, yeah.

Oh, so it happened.

Congratulations, man.

appreciate it

alright bro

living the dream

alright so

hey you wanna call

the UK with us

I'm down for whatever

alright

you know I heard

a call you did

the other day

on the stream

very good

it was one with

the

it was a Frida call

Frida yeah

it was

I wanna say

it was last night

I think

Frida's great dude

love Frida

free Frida

Frida

free Frida

you remember

we made that

crazy bus driver

lady laugh

oh yeah

I made her laugh

man

like nobody

can make her laugh

but I did

I know

that was funny

and then you did the one where you stole a candy bar or something

and you did a roundhouse kick to the lady behind the counter.

Yeah, and the whole Indian Reservation thing.

That's the one, all right.

Yeah, I remember that.

Talking about the hawk and stuff.

Yeah, I remember that.

So apparently there's a game, or they're saying the premise is

you can say that there's this game called Susan Gets Raped

that was sold to my 12-year-old son.

What in the world?

That's what I'm saying.

I have a better idea, okay?

I'll come up with my own idea.

All right.

I know you do, and this is in the UK.

It's a 24-hour store that's built on, like, this old wasteland, and it smells like shit.

Like, the whole store, the parking lot, everything has a shitty smell that just hangs around.

Okay.

Because they built it on this, like, shit land or something like that.

Okay.

And it's in the UK.

Okay, all right.

So here comes Glowworm, and the UK call for new, new, and for Milkman.

Milkman, congratulations.

Hello, Tesco.

I'm Tim Amanda speaking.

Sir?

Let me try to call him back.

Alright, I'll start this one.

Who's that in the line?

I was listening, man.

Again, not again.

Bulls in need.

I'll try that one.

We got the PC outlet also in Guam.

And we got Hot Hawaiian Nights, Dancers and Escorts.

How y'all getting these numbers?

Lonesome Loser, this guy.

I don't know if you know him.

Confirms like a fiend.

Any idea?

You want to do the Dancers and Escorts, the PC outlet?

Bulls in need.

Who's that?

What's up, girlfriend?

What's up, girl?

Hey, what's up?

My name is...

What's up?

Hey, good question.

But I can use a number for animal control.

I mean, good question.

For more expertise in this area, I do.

Okay.

You know what I'm saying?

I'm serious about nutting up on some chipmunks in my backyard.

I'm dead serious.

Like, you know how you can plant cherry chipmunks?

I'm not even lying.

I'll bet it...

Oh, I think she was still using it somewhere else.

Dang, call her, man.

11 seconds.

Oh, we're down to 10 minutes and 11 seconds.

What's up, man?

They're hanging up on me.

Well, Mike, I don't appreciate that.

I know I don't.

Tell him, glowworm.

I'm black.

I got low patience.

Man.

Helter, can I help you?

Yes, ma'am, bro.

4-2.

What is it?

7-3-4-4-2.

Ma'am, why are you getting so hostile?

I'm trying to give you the number, and why don't I just give you the number, you write it down.

I'm trying to, ma'am, but you yelling at me like this, it's not working.

Ma'am, can't, can't.

I'm not yelling at you, sir.

I'm trying to tell you, I'm about to crawl on some chipmunks in my backyard, because they're chewing up everything.

Can you conference call us, please, with the remote control?

Can you patch us through to them?

Yeah.

I cannot patch you through.

I do not have a patch-through line.

Oh, man.

Y'all need to be with the high-tech program up in here.

Come on.

Hit flash, and then...

Shut me up, dude.

You got the money and the funds?

Bring it on.

Three-way call.

As a matter of fact, my uncle lives in Hefner, so I can roll that way if you want.

That's right.

I sure do.

Do that for us, because we can use all the help we can up here, and if you want to come

up and volunteer your time, we'll be more than happy to put you to work.

Volunteer?

We're talking about volunteers.

I'm trying to get rid of some chipmunks.

I ain't trying to do no community service up in here.

You liberals.

We're talking about volunteers.

Department of Agriculture.

We're not trying to plant trees.

We're trying to get rid of some chipmunks.

Ma'am, can you please transfer us to that department?

I cannot.

What is it?

I can't transfer for that.

You said it's your Department of Agriculture.

Put us through to the Agriculture Department, please.

We can wait.

The transfer.

There is no transfer.

Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am.

All we want is a number to animal control.

Mop, mop, mop, mop.

No one's answering that number.

I tried on my backup line because I have money, and I have five lines.

Bitch, yo.

Congratulations, number.

Now.

I missed it.

Oh, my.

Five lines.

Like a motherfucker has said that.

Like it's something shit.

Yeah, what's up?

I missed doing this.

I heard you, man.

That's awesome.

Dude, our phone card is dead, Milkman.

Do you have the old number there still, Milkman?

Oh, bro.

I might send a $5 card and don't see you start using it, man.

That's what I was thinking last week when I had the call.

Get crunk on some chipmunks, man.

That's crazy.

All right, dude.

You want to do some more?

If you want to do some more, I'm going to have to put you on hold while I try to find the phone card.

Doesn't matter.

I want to hear a flea.

Can he hear me?

No.

He told me to come back on and just have a minute and holler at me.

I'll come back.

Oh, if you give me like 20 seconds, I'll have it here, man.

Oh, man.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah, I know.

Well, don't start yet, because I'm going to tell you who we're going to prank in the meantime.

Who are we calling?

I don't know who we're going to call.

Hang on.

Where is that at?

Machiavelli.

We've got the PC outlet, too, that we can try calling.

You know what, man?

I think I'm going to head out for the night.

All right, man.

Well, thanks for being on, dude.

All right.

There you go.

I'll call back.

We enjoy prank calls, man.

Hey, you know what?

I'm thinking about getting my show back again.

You should, man.

I'm thinking about it.

Because you were better than all them people, man.

All of them.

I know.

You should come back and claim it.

I tried to tell my girlfriend about all this and the big following I had.

She didn't want to believe me.

Really?

She on the phone.

Tell her how it was.

She's all shy.

She's all shy and stuff.

That's cool.

Is she white?

Huh?

Is she white?

Why does it matter?

Why is color an issue with you?

Milkman's asking.

Milkman, don't listen to Milkman.

He's the wrong person to talk to about me.

All right, man.

Keep it a secret.

That's fine, man.

People are just going to speculate.

Let them speculate.

Okay.

Speculation.

I like having haters

Doing something right

That's right

Hey if you don't have haters

You're doing something wrong

My friend

Exactly

I got a lot of haters

And I'm doing everything right

Every day I get a new hater man

No you don't

I don't

Alright bro

See you later man

Thanks Glowworm

Take care of yourself kid

Holla

Yes

Milkman

The first thing we're gonna do

When the show's over

We're gonna have a conference

Okay so

Me and you

I'm gonna have a

Long conversation with you

And your future with us

Okay

You understand

Milkman

And I want Jen Stewart around for that, too.

So, you get ready, young man.

Hang on, we got a caller, Milkman.

How's it going?

You're on air.

What's up, man?

Milkman, ban him or keep him.

What do you say?

Milkman.

I see one vote against Milkman.

Yeah.

I am, too.

He thinks I'm being stupid.

We all love you, Milkman.

So, are you able to get through on the second line I gave you or the toll-free line?

I must have blocked you from the toll-free line for some reason.

I don't understand why I would have done that.

Oh, I blocked, like, other ex-hosts and stuff like that.

because it got a little annoying after a while.

And I've slowly let them back on the mothership, I'll say.

It's because of the California crazy fucker.

Oh, because of crazy fucker.

I think we banned the whole city of wherever you live.

Yeah, we banned the whole area code because crazy fucker.

I think that's what it was.

He lives in the same city you do.

Yeah, he does.

He does, actually.

He has a San Jose number.

It's a cell phone, but it's a San Jose number.

He must live really close to you.

That's kind of scary.

Yeah, it is, man.

Do you know his number?

Yeah, I do.

You know, he's probably listening.

Um

You wanna try

I can try to call him

If you want

I got his number

Right here actually

Is that the guy

Who you call

And like

George W. Bush

And this and that

Yeah that's him

That's crazy fucker

Yeah

You banned him

I had to stop calling

Because he would call in

But he would just talk

For like a half hour

And he wouldn't stop talking

And we're like

Oh man

I'm getting kind of bad

So

He went crazy

He went a little

He got a little touched

You know

A little touched

It happens

It happens with our listeners

Sometimes after a while

They just go

Go, you know, nut bunnies.

Yeah, I know.

We just get enamored and starstruck.

Yeah, you know, me and my guy.

I've had a really rough show tonight, man.

Like, number-wise and just quality-wise.

I know it's not the best.

That was totally cool that Glowworm called in

because he hasn't been in ranks for a long time.

Good to hear it.

Yeah, Glowworm calls in every once in a while.

He's good friends with Milkman off-air,

so Milkman, every once in a while when he's able to,

he calls in.

Yeah, I've been trying to get him to come in.

Yeah, we've been trying to get him to get more involved.

He wants to do a show.

Milkman says he wants to do a show.

You never know.

He's a funny, funny guy.

We've had him here a few nights where he's just done almost like an hour with us,

like we did with Reclute before.

He's just kind of saddened us and pranked for a while.

It's kind of fun.

That's what I'm kind of doing tonight.

I just don't feel in a pranking mood, so I kind of let everybody else kind of pitch in.

I think it's been working out.

Not bad.

Better than nothing.

Ted, you want to do a prank call, man?

Sure.

We've got Bonnie Bouncer, just confirmed in England, Stockport, England.

Sounds good.

Okay.

We also have Hollywood Nails in Guam,

Guam and we've got a PC outlet in Guam also. So any ideas or anybody out there? What do

you say? Anything?

Let's call the PC outlet in Guam.

All right, the PC outlet in Guam. All right, it'll be an extended hold because I need to

scratch the new phone card number and I'll be right back with that. All right, Ted?

You know what, though? I have...

Yeah, because that car's going to burn fast.

Well, hell, if you can, you want me to just send you the numbers then?

Yeah, but like when we hang up, it'll hang up on us.

That sucks.

I'll just have to dial you back.

That's fine. Just do that. I'll close the tour freelance so no one else can get through.

That's fine.

No problem.

That'll give me some time.

We'll do it for this one, and then I'll try to get my setup back to normal.

All right, Ted Webb, that is you.

And I'm pasting.

There you go.

Okay, we'll hold on here while you do that, then.

Let's see if this works out.

I sent you the wrong one.

That's right.

All right.

I got it.

I got the ally.

I bought there, flashing on the website, saying

the very graphic, I want to get rid of it.

Jizz, that's saying on the screen, Apple, the woman has Apple guys.

Yeah, so, um, get rid of it.

Actually, my wife is going to come home any minute, and if she sees this on the screen, I think it's going to be the end of it.

Okay, so, you can't, did you, still playing up to now?

Like, X, right now, right now, right?

The dog is barking and chasing the apple, and this woman's giving one guy a blowjob while, um, you know, talking about that.

I'm moving the mouse board, and I'm putting the mouse on the X.

What do I do?

X on the top.

There's just light of the mouse on top of the X.

Okay.

Shining.

Shining the red light on the X.

Pressing the button, and nothing's happening.

Now the Internet might get out of it.

With the Internet?

Internet right now?

My room.

How do I get out of the Internet?

It isn't right.

Yeah.

The top where it has the X.

Can I return the computer to the store?

From us?

In a little bit.

Is that under warranty?

No.

You told me to do it.

just the image told me to do it it helped me with the x trying to look at the x like you said and it

didn't work so my only recourse was to bring my wife can't see it's like getting out of the screen

bring it in and return it okay sir you did break it didn't you broke it break it no i did not yes

you did so your manager you told me to break it now sir i told you to click it on the x with your

mouse cursor then you bring it up to the x and you click it in the screen manager it's not in right

now to do about the x and it didn't work oh end of my shoe just went like the x so why did you do

that i needed to get rid of the image i didn't throw your shoe wants to know why the computer

is broken now right oh it's not from my line from my talk to my roommate why the computer is broken

he wants me okay hold on i just talked to my roommate told him to break my computer actually

sir i didn't computer you mean like you want to get this image off the screen right how much you

weight. Pardon? Lift a lot of weight. We're replacing. I'm bringing it in. Much? Much.

Uh, what? Yeah, when? Uh, I'm a manufacturer in 1992, big man. I just want to know if you're

gonna whoop my ass, that's all. No. Rectify the situation with this computer, that's what

I gotta do. Well, you're asking me. I got a job working on my grad degree. Dissertation.

People in the United States, if this computer fails in the next 10, 20 minutes, it's gonna

be privy to my research, and that's gonna be a problem. You seem to be helping me,

fool. What capacity do you work? You got someone over there that knows about computers, has

some technical knowledge? Well, what's your problem? I want to know how to stream. Well,

I guess it cracked her. One, don't want to hear it. You, I'm going to shut your ass

off, isn't it, woman? Name again? Nick, you're already afraid that I want to know your full

name. All right, let me see what happens when Lucretia don't listen to me. Some new shit

I got left? Black lady impression I've ever done. I totally stumped over that call. It

It was quite, you got to write your dissertation for graduate school.

Like, yeah.

Excellent, dude.

American College for Negroes.

Yeah, Milkman was saying it was the American College for Negroes.

Do you know how Milkman?

That's right.

Ted said we were going to lose him.

Ted, we will call back in, I'm sure, and then we'll do, like, maybe one more prank call.

He always calls back.

He always calls right back.

He does.

We'll do one more call, and then we'll probably end the show.

Because it's 1 o'clock in the morning, man.

Hello?

Yes, sir.

Like I told you, hang up on me.

And I forgot, and I was like, Ted hung up on me.

wait no no i ain't lying hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on did you call did you call

your no i said did you call it your computer phone man i think i thought it sounded like you

said your compute for a second i was like my compute i'm so lazy i can't say the r i just

said my compute that's actually pretty funny man it's kind of funny i thought you said that at

first it's like oh that's good that would be kind of funny all right all right um i did not

I think I found the phone card here.

I can test it here so you don't have to worry about getting disconnected.

We've got an automotive clinic in Guam also.

And Lonesome Loser...

It's like, I'd say probably 3 p.m. right now or something like that.

I don't know.

Yeah, 4, maybe 5.

But it's Saturday, I think, right now, though.

I don't know how it works, dude.

I don't fucking know.

It's still Friday.

They're in the future.

Way in the future.

Some retarded time in the future.

I've got numbers in England also here from Lonesome Loser.

Personal people, as well as the Dandy Cock Inn in Stockport, England.

I guess, well, how early is it there?

Right now, over there, it's a six-hour difference, I believe.

Six hours, so it is 7 a.m. right now.

I guess that's not too early.

People should, they better wake up now.

They will wake up.

Or we could try the automotive clinic, whatever you think, man.

We could do automotive.

I don't know if they'd be open at 7 a.m.

Well, this is in Guam, so they're going to be open.

Oh, yeah, that's right, that's right, yeah, sure.

Yeah, and they're definitely open still.

Oh, my laptop battery's dying.

Shit.

I'll have to shut that off.

All right, hang on, Ted, and everybody else.

The next prank call tonight is coming right up, man.

This is Guam Automotive Clinic.

How much you weigh?

I think I'm going to end the show, man.

It's getting late.

It's 1 o'clock time.

Hey, thanks for calling in, Ted, though.

That was a good call.

I thought it was a good show.

You think so?

Good.

Yeah, average.

Average.

I don't know.

I didn't do anything.

I didn't...

Let me clear the beeping.

Hang on.

Freaking rude of me.

me i didn't do much work tonight at all i kind of let everybody else do the show and i don't mind

doing that every once in a while once a month it's good to let people kind of do their thing

and it kind of worked out especially glowworm man funny kid talented breaker talented right now

yeah you're gonna say something that's okay ted man are you gonna be on tomorrow night are you

i'm gonna be on awesome awesome i'm looking forward to 11 p.m eastern uh 8 p.m pacific

and that is ted's yeah yeah everyone why why are we so hooked on the eastern time

i don't know we've always been eastern time i don't know i i i mean that's i've always said

I thought that was the most universal time in America.

Don't people?

Aren't you guys used to...

Oh, yeah, because of New York.

Yeah, exactly.

But aren't you...

You guys are used to having to do that time change a lot in your head, right?

Do you always have to be like, okay, Easter time, so that's wobble on my time?

Do you do that a lot?

Because we don't ever worry about that here.

Yeah, I always have to do that.

Actually, because everyone I work with is on the damn East Coast.

Oh, really?

So it's like, man, what time you guys start work?

I was here at 9 o'clock.

And it's like, yeah, well, that's fucking 6.

6 o'clock in the morning for you, yeah.

Yeah, so your workers are, like, online and stuff like that?

Coworkers?

Cool, man.

A lot of them I've never met in real life and probably never will.

Isn't that messed up?

Yeah, the world is like that now, isn't it, you know?

You can make your living working with people you'll never meet in your life.

They live so far away.

I've had arguments with people I've never met in real life.

Wow.

Just, like, over the phone and through email and how awkward that is.

You can't use, like...

Where you're getting stressed out by a person that you've never met in person

and probably will never meet in person.

Dude, crazy, crazy.

It's so awkward because, like, there are things that we do with body language to try and make up with people.

You know, like, uh, pictures or whatever.

We can't do that.

Slapping them on the ass, grabbing their cocks real quick.

Give them the what for?

Give them the...

You know what I think will change the world?

If one day a method of transportation as convenient as the car can get you...

You know how now you can work outside of a city?

You know, you could, you know, within, uh...

You can commute yourself from the suburb to the city.

They can make it so, like, you could commute from your house in San Jose, you could work in, I don't know, like, New York, and be home, like, in an hour.

You know, if there was ever any type of really fast transportation like that, that people could take daily and afford it, make it as affordable as driving a car is, I think that would change the world.

Teleporters or something, you know, are just big, fast tubes that we all use.

Like the ones at the bank?

Yeah, exactly, yeah.

Yeah, well, like Futurama, they show that in the intro.

People travel in these tubes kind of thing.

That'd be something.

We'll work on that, Ted.

Yeah, work on the tubes.

The tube system.

The Internet is a series of tubes.

All right, Ted, man, have a good show tomorrow night.

I'll be around listening.

All right, man, take care of yourself.

Thanks for calling in, man.

Ted, everybody.

You know, Milkman, it's been a great show,

and I think we're going out with a blast here.

Milkman, what is all that noise in the background?

Hello?

It's probably the fan.

The fan's going crazy.

Milkman, take us out of here real quick, man.

No, my comment on the eastern time zone, the reason that we use eastern time zone so much here is that most of our listeners are on the east coast.

I think we do have most listeners are on the east coast.

So that's why, yeah, almost 90% are very close to it, you know, somewhere in the central zone.

I can't imagine.

Nothing is left coast.

It's just a reference to the most people that listen.

I can't imagine actually living in Pacific Standard Time.

It'd be kind of weird, to be honest with you.

You know, like a lot of the stuff that happens live, it's actually happening three hours earlier than, I don't know.

It would be weird.

I've never had to stay a long time in an odd time zone, so it might be weird, I think.

Well, just remember, like, whenever you're having supper, everybody is going to bed.

Well, so right now for Ted, it's 12, 11, 10 o'clock at night, dude.

That'd be so awesome if it was still 10 o'clock at night.

I'd get a decent night of sleep still.

Awesome.

Yeah, it just got dark.

Yep.

All right, dude.

Actually, it was a really good show, man.

I mean, we had a good mix.

Had a lot of great guests.

Very impressive comeback with Reclude.

A surprise return of the Globes.

Yep.

And Ted comes in and steals the show, man.

Yeah, it wasn't bad at all, dude.

You know what?

I'm in the mood for some pumpkin pie, man.

I don't know why.

I'm just thinking about pumpkin pie right now.

Cool, man.

That sounds great, man.

Dude, it's almost that time of year.

We're about two months away from...

I'd like to have some chocolate pudding, man.

We're about two months away from the start of pumpkin pie and stuff like that.

October, that's when that starts, you know what I mean?

Oh, yeah, that's right, man.

It starts getting dark earlier, man.

That's right, man.

We're getting there.

That's right, my favorite time of year, Halloween.

Yeah, and then you get your Thanksgiving, man.

Yeah, but I really like to have that chocolate pudding, man.

Chocolate pudding.

I like to take and dip my hair in it, and it gets rid of all my split ends, man.

I didn't know you could do that for split ends, dude.

That's kind of cool, chocolate pudding, huh?

Yeah, chocolate pudding, you didn't know that?

Yeah, if you got...

I'd end up beating my hair.

Well, I mean, you know, that right there is like, you know, the nice thing is, you know,

you kind of look at clean or whatever, you know, but not really, man.

It doesn't split ends, man.

Chocolate pudding, man.

Yeah, well, thank you to everybody who called in tonight.

That would be Reclude, Jonathan, Ted, and the kid.

What's his name?

Glowworm.

Glowworm, thank you.

Thank you to Lonesome Loser, Nunu for numbers.

Poop sent in numbers.

We didn't call that 7-Eleven.

I'm sorry.

Sorry, we weren't able to do that.

Anybody else who contributed tonight?

Moonsome Loser already said you.

Yeah, everybody who listened.

Not many listeners tonight.

I'll be honest with you.

I'm not too happy with you all.

You're letting things slip.

Letting things slip a lot.

Hey, we had a high of 75, man.

That's not good enough.

If Zohar can get 75 people, there's something.

I don't want to get up to 100 again, man.

There's no excuse.

Ali, I hold you all responsible for tonight.

It was a good show, dude.

Milkman, you know what?

Actually, that was a great participation, man.

I've got bad news, dude.

I would love to play a Phil Henry bit next, but I don't have a Phil Henry bit to play.

Let me see if I can find one.

Well, play an old one.

No, I don't know of any.

I mean, I have a bunch of them that I haven't heard yet.

There's one called...

Well, then play something.

I don't care.

I don't know.

We always play a Phil Henry bit.

I think people might be letting...

We like that.

Play one, any of them.

I'd have to pull one at random, then.

I don't know if it's going to be funny or not.

Pull one at random.

It doesn't matter, man.

there's peas in a pool

we already saw that one

there's renting adult movies

retarded security

I don't know

retarded security sounds good

retarded security you sure? I hope that's not stupid

let's see how long it is

that's only 17 minutes

some of the bits are not that good

some of them are good

some of them are not that good

there will be a Phil Henry bit or two coming after this

if one starts off crappy I'll change it

don't worry. Anyway, we're out of here. We'll be here next week.

We didn't even give out the website or anything this

week. MadhouseLive.com is where

you can reach us, subscribe to the podcast

and also, like I said, by

next week, the CD will be on sale.

You think anybody will buy a Madhouse CD?

You think it's even worth it, man? I'm going to be

printing the... Of course, man. I'm printing

the CD covers. It's designed.

I'm printing the CD covers on Saturday.

I'm going to Kinko's and getting some... You know what you could

do. I'm getting some CD covers printed

and... People that are willing to

pre-order by email, you

You could give them like a dollar off coupon, and then after that it goes back to regular price.

Yeah.

We got someone online real quickly.

Baz says the Pacific time zone is tough when most people are on the East Coast.

So, yeah, I guess that's true.

That's the way it is.

Yeah, but anyway, yeah, Milkman, you got a point.

Maybe just to gauge how it's going to go.

I don't care.

No matter what, I'll make the CD even if I just make it to give out to people for free or whatever.

But if you could buy one or two, if you could buy one.

If anybody out there wants to buy one, I'm going to sell it for like five bucks maybe.

something really cheap, nothing expensive.

I'll throw in the shipping.

We ain't trying to make a retirement payment or anything.

We just want to share the facts with you because you guys help with the ideas.

Well, you doing that lets us buy.

And the people that early adopt, then you get a discount.

Instead of just asking for money and stuff like that, we say, hey, we'll give you our CD.

You give us like five bucks, and that will pay for a phone card for a whole show, man.

That will let us pay.

That will pay for the toll-free line, for the phone card, for the web hosting costs, stuff like that.

So that's all we do it for.

Instead of just asking for donations, we say, hey, buy this from us.

It's quality prank calls.

It's funny.

Carlito will sign it.

Milkman will dip his balls on top of it.

There we go, man.

Cool.

So, Milkman, I'm sending you 20 copies of that to sign yourself, okay?

And then you'll mail it back to me, and then I will sign every single CD.

Excellent.

Signed by a milkman named Carl.

You know what I want to do, really, man?

What?

Is take a picture of the shoebox full of phone cards that are overflowing.

Really?

And just get a rough count of how many thousand dollars I've spent over the years

providing phone cards for Katie Kennedy and just about anybody that needed one.

Everybody.

And all the madhouse calls.

That's right.

You've provided phone cards for a lot of people, dude.

A lot of phone.

Man, round of applause for Milkman.

five or ten dollars a week for how many years man do the math 12 times five is 70 that's a year

right there no five a week 52 how many in a week yeah five times 52 is uh 250 260 is it really

wow dude two thousand and that's only if i had five dollar cards i'd buy ten dollar cards and

burn a few cards you do you do a lot for seven a week yeah all right guys we're out of here

here, everybody. Next week, we'll be on again.

This is Madhouse Radio. MadhouseLive.com

is the website. Podcast,

newsletter, CD, all

coming up and being updated by this

week.

You should be quiet.

Calls (19, 50 min of 1 h 57 min)

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