MadhouseSearch

Conference Special (part 1)

3 Sep 2007 · 2 h · 8,553 words · source

Calls (22, 1 h 14 min of 2 h)
  1. Tom Ugly's Fresh Seafood Australia live 2.7 min clip ↓
  2. Chicken Cave South Australia glory hole live 2.3 min clip ↓
  3. Red Beard Tattoo Parlor Pennsylvania live 2.3 min clip ↓
  4. Taco El Celinose asked about gay service live 47 s clip ↓
  5. Golden Donuts asked about throwing out donuts live 1.6 min clip ↓
  6. Walmart asked about gory hole live 1.1 min clip ↓
  7. Walmart garden apartment transfer live 1.6 min clip ↓
  8. Jamaican Cuisine glory hole order live 1.9 min clip ↓
  9. Two Walmart stores connecting live 41 s clip ↓
  10. Walmart mistaken call about numbers live 2.2 min clip ↓
  11. Walmart asked about glory hole and soda cans live 6.7 min clip ↓
  12. Store 233 conference call with Brent live 9.1 min clip ↓
  13. Walmart electronics help request live 1.6 min clip ↓
  14. Walmart circulation and product inquiry live 6.0 min clip ↓
  15. Walmart pharmacy IVR system ivr 7.4 min clip ↓
  16. McDonald's 24-hour location inquiry live 1.4 min clip ↓
  17. McDonald's manager asked about glory hole live 11.6 min clip ↓
  18. Conference call with headquarters live 36 s clip ↓
  19. Frank Master on the line live 48 s clip ↓
  20. McDonald's call again live 44 s clip ↓
  21. Starbucks asked about donut holes live 2.7 min clip ↓
  22. Dunkin' Donuts Pine Road conference call live 8.8 min clip ↓

Transcript

And who plays?
What happens in America?
Well, we steamed your ass in World War II.
What do you have to do?
Who ever did?
And who helped you out just now?
You piss off, woman.
Don't talk to me like that.
We don't need you anyway, bitch.
God, fuck you.
Call me a stinky, stinky fucker.
You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.
It's a computer machine.
It's obviously not working right.
Hey, man, we're back, though.
Good.
Thanks, Farrah Tett, for being back.
Ready to do some prank calls, man?
Yeah.
Hang on.
I'm going to go over a bit.
Oh, you got to hit Vista, man.
Vista's tough.
I'll be right back with, hopefully,
leave somebody on the phone with him.
Alright, this is great, Ted.
You know, we can sit here,
we can comment on stuff, man.
And we'll have him do the dialing for us.
This is interesting.
Might be nice to know who he's calling, but...
Yeah, it's someone.
That's right, that's right.
Anyway, everybody,
if you want to get a hold of me,
you can on Madhouse Radio,
on AOL and Yahoo.
Who cares?
Who cares?
Let me just turn that off,
that segment of doing a show.
Who cares?
If they're listening, they're listening.
If they're not, eh.
I was reading an article the other day where...
But what? A Linux distro?
Yeah, if you can't program.
I know. I try to have Ubuntu on my laptop.
It does stuff. I can browse, and I can't figure out how to use that whole, you know, the Wine emulator stuff.
You know, emulators so you can run Windows applications in Linux.
I can't figure out how to do it.
Yeah, you have to like the other bullshit. It just makes it too hard.
Yeah, too much work.
They've got to streamline that. That's what they've got to do.
To reboot your machine.
All right, let's do a prank call while we're waiting for him to come back or something, all right?
Okay. I've got an answering machine on that one.
She's okay. We're about to go on.
Send me some crazy out-of-America phone numbers.
Well, let me call them, because I have the ability to call them immediately, all right?
Send the numbers to Carlito.
Yeah, I got them. I got Tom Ugly's Fresh Seafood. That's in New South Wales, which is Australia.
Good evening, teammate. Chopped side? One going towards Miranda. Pardon?
Yeah, that one. This smells awful. It stinks.
Oh, great. Uh, what kind of fish did you get, mate?
Fish? We had some catfish here, mate.
Catfish?
Not catfish. Come in and have a look, mate. We had some catfish here.
Where are you, mate? Come back and show us to us.
Obviously, I love it, too.
You want to do?
I think I remember your voice, but back, mate. We'll refund your money if you want.
Okay.
That's nice.
Very nice at all.
Dude, have you called that guy before?
Holy shit, he's all convinced that he recognizes your voice, man.
Some serious accusations.
Where did we call this then?
What continent was that?
That was Australia.
We refund your money, Mike.
You bring a fish back in, I'll have a smell of it.
Oh, I'll have a smell of it.
That's nasty.
What a nasty guy, that man.
That's funny.
That might be like a big foot down in Australia.
You think so?
Smell my fish.
Smell my fish.
Smell my fish as well.
All right, you guys hang on.
I've got to change a cable here real quick.
Stand by, all right?
Change a cable?
Stand by.
I tried to be slick and make a call, but I didn't fucking answer.
That's cool. You can keep trying to make them. Maybe we'll end up with like two different calls on at the same time.
Wouldn't that be fun?
It would, actually.
Yeah, that should be kind of interesting.
Who cares? I'll just prank away here.
Don't be afraid to let it out.
We got the chicken cave in Australia. This is South Australia.
I don't know there was
I didn't think there was
much
the chicken cave
yeah do you want to
take that one
I've got to see
into somebody's
restroom
let me see
into their
restroom
no I can't
see into the
female's
restroom
feel free to
complain about
the glory hole
the glory hole
on the chicken
cave
my good
Then I, I'm sorry, my good friend, let me learn it properly from my guru, then I will teach you.
I called there a few minutes ago. I'm back in the back right now.
If I'm in the back,
Chicken curry, love.
Yes, ma'am. The glory hole is broken in the restroom.
Glory hole in the restroom. I'm in here right now.
In the back, the glory hole is broken in the restroom.
Chicken check. The glory hole is broken in the restroom.
We lost a patient. That's my life.
Because we're getting hacked by DTT.
DTT's hacking us down.
I think that's what it was.
We had a DTT attack tonight.
Threat level orange, yeah.
And sure enough, attack was imminent.
It became red.
Wouldn't that be freaky if ever that level was ever at red?
Do you think they'll ever get to that point again?
That'd be something.
Yeah, then it'll be anal cavity searches.
Yeah, that'd be great.
That'd be great.
I can't wait for that to happen in America.
Tell you what.
Okay, we've got a Brian Cox here.
We also have Sexy Babes in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Nevada, and we have the Weed Nerds in Victoria, Australia here still on deck.
Any requests?
The Weed Nerds?
I'm going to do the Weed Nerds.
We can try the Weed Nerds here.
I can do a stab here at one.
In my turn, we'll go in turns if necessary.
Does it say who answered?
Was it a guy?
A guy.
Let's see if I can find him online.
A guy at 1257 AM.
I'm making over here.
These nerds are going to answer.
We've got Sexy Babes here in the States in Vegas.
We also have the Red Beard Tattoo Parlor open 24 hours in Pennsylvania.
I want to call Frank Master.
I have his number if you want to try calling him.
Yes, do.
He told me he wants me to rate him.
What is your number?
I could try if you want to talk to him.
Maybe later, man.
I've got to hear it.
Does the dog eat through ranch?
They'll be expecting.
So keep in mind, we said the Red Beard Tattoo Parlor, correct?
Right, the Red Beard Tattoo Parlor.
Hang on, everybody.
Don't get me started on my anger right now.
This is the tattoo parlor.
Red beard.
I'm going to try calling him back.
Taco El Celinose.
Celinose.
Houston, California.
All right, that's from my old friend.
Hopefully it'll just somebody say gay.
I might go to the flower taco place up the road.
You guys are inviting the chocolate?
It's almost that time of year to be drinking stuff like that.
Hot chocolate.
We'll get in there soon.
Yeah, it's a little...
Halloween stuff.
I get the stores.
Eating the chocolate.
Hello.
Hello.
What's that?
Yeah, Terry Berkley was like in a car, going like 80 miles an hour, and like all of a sudden, like that's his turn.
I made a mistake of putting you on speakerphone because I never called him back.
You know, it's plantation.
What the fuck?
Motherfuck, don't fool me that way.
Motherfucker.
Son of a bitch.
They changed my pen, no wonder.
They changed my freaking pen.
Hey, what's up?
Yeah, I'm back myself.
Hang on, all right.
Uh-oh, hung up on me.
Someone had a boo-boo.
Have you seen this cartoon, Little Bush, where they make fun of George W. Bush as if he were a little kid?
I've heard of him.
I've been to him.
Jeb is like a Down Syndrome baby.
Jeb Bush.
It is hilarious.
Oh, my God.
And they got Little Chaney, and all he says is,
like that.
That's all he says the whole time, Little Chaney.
What else are you saying, honey?
I just need, I'm wondering if you do, like, a glory hole service.
A what?
Glory hole.
Which is?
They go to Clark County, Las Vegas, and then Clark County.
Stop calling.
Hello?
This is a red state, woman.
Red state?
I want to tell her this is a red state.
Call her back.
Probably not going to answer, but all right.
I'll try.
All right.
Please ask her that.
That's going to be funny.
You motherfucker.
Don't you never.
I need to call Richard and Tammy Fudge.
I'll be right back.
I'm going to call Golden Donuts here, but Turdburger's already working.
Call again.
What?
I'm hung up on both of you.
Tell Ted, call Turdburger back while I call Golden Donuts, okay?
Okay.
Hung up on accident, he said.
He needs you to call him back.
Hello, is this Richard?
Yes.
Never mind.
Richard Fudge?
Yes.
Hey, I've got a question for you.
He said you were the man in contact.
I didn't know if he was late to call you or...
I'm trying to hit him, and I called about the...
Richard Fudge, is it not?
Go down in the morning, if that's all right with you.
What's going on in there, old chap, old girl?
I was just wondering, do you guys throw out any of the products after night, like
after your bagels?
Everyone throws out bagels.
We don't sell bagels.
Well, what do you have?
Do you guys throw any of them out?
Do you have anything spare you could throw out?
Maybe I can come pick him up.
We used to give him to my dad's friend.
He's a bear hunter.
You're going to feed bears instead of feeding me?
I'm hungry, lady.
Come on.
I've got babies to feed here.
Baby bears.
We like donuts.
We seriously do.
It's only two donuts.
Thanks for calling Walmart.
How may I help you?
Hey, we have golden donuts on the line.
Place a call.
One.
They're listening to your recorded call.
Press two.
Wondering if you had a gory hole?
Oh, god damn it, Turber.
He's so drunk.
Well, no, no.
All I need is you guys to tell one person, hey, hold on the line.
Don't go anywhere.
And then I come back and do my thing and we can connect two different businesses to each other.
I don't know what we could do.
No, I'm wondering how we could.
All right.
You would like my business.
For Uncle Billy's Pizza Palace.
Kevin's already.
Put one in my pizza.
I know it.
Looks like they already put all the stuff in process.
It looks like someone spun it around a thumb.
The left wall, there was a whole.
Can we call a Walmart?
Can we call a Walmart?
Walmart, please, I have an idea for a Walmart for myself to prank, and you guys can do that.
You do that.
I'm going to call Walmart, Ted.
Are you okay with that?
Good.
Hello.
Yes, hi.
Can I have the Garden of Horton, please?
You know, the outdoor, the Horton.
Break it down, Ted.
Vibrations.
You missed it.
DJ, I'd be glad.
DJ Tanner.
It's your burger.
Get this Walmart online on your end, also.
Take it too long.
You want another Walmart?
No, no.
Patching the same way I got it completed later.
They haven't picked up yet.
I'm sending it to you.
Can we call the same one you called?
Who is this?
Hello?
Okay, he's trying it again.
You see that Walmart I sent you?
Pass that in.
ASAP.
All right, hold on.
All right.
Turret's going to call the same Walmart so I can complain.
Yes, ma'am.
Hi.
You're transferring me over to the garden apartment.
I'm still on hold over there.
Can you try to hurry it up, please?
Okay, well, sir, I've heard you over there, but it's...
It's still ringing.
I actually called you on three-way because it's taking too long.
You think you can hurry it up on the other line?
It's so funny.
I want to do that again.
We need another Walmart.
We should do that all night.
I think so.
Yeah, they did. They just hung up on me.
We can call Accu Bamboo Jamaican Cuisine.
They won't know what the glory hole is.
I'll call it. Let me call it because I can do this poofing.
What are you talking about?
Glory hole, man.
Nice.
Is this the Jamaican Cuisine?
I'd like to place an order, please. I'll come pick it up.
I'd like to place an order.
Well, I have a question.
Do you have the glory hole?
You have what?
The glory hole.
I'm looking for the glory hole.
For what?
I don't have any information on that. I don't even know where that is.
I have another question.
Do you copy?
Jamaican.
That was pretty funny.
So you want to call that place back?
I was replaying.
We'll call somewhere, and I'll call somewhere, and we'll let them talk to each other.
Well, that's what I was trying to tell you, you horse's asses, when you guys didn't listen to me.
The Walmart was good because I don't know what you guys were doing.
We need another big place that can put you on hold for a long time, another Walmart of sorts, something like that.
Okay, you call one Walmart, and I'll call another Walmart.
And we'll tell them they're taking too long at this Walmart.
We'll have them talk to each other.
No, no, we'll just call, like, if one answers before the other,
just say, hey, this is from store 263, hang on.
And then whenever I come in, see what I'm saying?
No.
What is that noise?
Okay, you're saying, okay, so we...
He's stroking his red beard.
Okay, so I'm going to be out.
And we're going to call the Walmart store,
and you're going to call the other Walmart store, right?
Yeah, and whoever answers first should say,
hey, this is Jeff from store 263, hang on.
And then I'll...
Because I'll call back, I'll call one myself here.
Let's just go to the Walmart.com website.
Okay.
All right.
And you get one really, like, somewhere, like, completely, like, well, let's do, like, one down the street.
You know what I mean?
Give me a city here, and we'll hit the two that are in the area.
You know what I'm trying to say?
I've got one on Northwest Freeway in Houston.
Houston, Texas?
What's the zip code there?
Yeah, it doesn't say, but if you just Google Walmart Houston, Texas.
You know what?
I'll take care of it.
I'll show you what I'm talking about here.
I call Walmart.
Call Walmart.
I'll get another Walmart here on the end, then.
The beard is red. You're trying to complicate things.
No, no, no. It's just, you know, we're trying to get this organized here, sir, and you're not being very organized.
You can't go wrong with a number that ends in 0666, can you?
No, I guess not. Tell them that this is, tell them we're going to connect. I'm connecting store 3310, all right?
And I'll connect whatever store, but I'll tell them I'm with.
3310, huh?
You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't. You can't do that.
i thought i had the phone on me and i did i don't know if terry burglar caught that but i was
I was telling him to go to another Walmart store and patch him in,
and to tell him before he did that there was a situation in the grocery aisle,
and disconnect him.
He'd just hear, like, an argument about peanuts.
I could just add both numbers to the conference, like, really quick.
Yeah, I've got them here.
Are you there?
Yeah.
The steak man is looking for you.
What?
This is Jeff from 363.
We had a guy come in here about 15 minutes ago.
He said he'd talk to you.
You sent him over here.
The question is, to me, about a glory hole.
He said you had two of them there, but he needed three, so he sent them over here.
What's that, okay?
I'm in Mesa, right?
What?
Just a second, I'm going to pay.
I'm calling Custody, Walmart, man.
Hello?
Hello?
Help you.
Tell me what?
Walmart.
What?
Call him Walmart.
You are calling Walmart.
Walmart?
Who's calling Walmart?
Come on, man, just one second.
Your phone.
Are you there, Walmart?
Are you there?
Walmart?
Walmart.
This is Walmart 227.
Go ahead.
This is Walmart 226.
What's your status over?
Go ahead.
Catching you through.
Stakes are out.
You can call your customer at Walmart.
How can I help you?
Sorry, what?
Someone just called me from this number.
You don't know anybody that works here?
Sorry, I just got the wrong number then.
It was so funny.
I said it again.
Loser and Loser sent in a bunch of numbers for Walmarts.
That was really funny.
I wonder if I could, like, do numbers.
If you open up your web browser, you go to walmart.com,
and on the bottom left in the front page, you just put in a zip code,
and it will give you all a ton of Walmarts in that area.
Just put in a random zip code.
Oh, shit.
The call failed.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, call Walmart.
Hello, are you there?
Call Walmart.
So, Tom, that's my Walmart.
How can I help you?
Yes, ma'am.
How are you doing?
I got a traveler noodle earlier from you today.
Limp.
True.
Okay, hold on.
There, okay.
So with lamb, we don't do that one.
What?
We never have lamb.
Snake.
No, we don't sell linguine, too.
No, no, it was like linguine, but it was like the penis pop.
More like the snake.
Ma'am, they say mine is like a treasure snake, almost like a soda can.
Hello?
Actually, we call, sir, so...
What about your...
Hey, what about your soda can?
Tomorrow morning, I need, tomorrow morning I need a glory hole, okay?
Open at 5 o'clock tomorrow.
Okay, but the glory hole at 530, right?
The glory hole at 530, okay?
What about your soda cans?
What are you, what about your soda cans?
Tell me about your soda cans.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you can't hang on.
That's all right.
No, no, no, no, no.
Portman, Portman.
Tronics.
Okay.
Hey, by the way, we need to take a break so I can, the third line go in here as well.
Yes, ma'am.
You have the Sony PSP there, right?
Okay, I'm looking for a particular, um, any PSP.
Daddy, I want it.
Okay, ma'am.
Yeah?
It's a, there's an accessory for the PSP.
Okay, son, okay, ma'am.
It's made by Sony.
It's called the Glory Hole.
Can you check?
Sony.
Yes, ma'am.
It's an accessory.
It's called the Glory Hole.
People to check for you, okay?
Just a moment.
No, no, no, ma'am.
Tony.
I need, um, a little toy there.
Hello?
How do you want to buy it?
Yeah, now keep them in the back. Hold on, okay?
Everybody out.
Hello, sir?
No, we don't sell any here.
All right.
Please come and check out tomorrow.
Batteries?
Sure they do.
It's none of my business, but I mean, like I said, they don't come here, but you can always come and check tomorrow.
I'm sorry?
Are you there?
Yes. Tomorrow, okay, sir?
Bye. You have a good day.
Sorry about that. This is Jeff over at Store 233.
Corbett just called me. I'm going to have to patch you through.
Are you guys busy right now?
No, no, uh, associate or, yeah.
What department are you in right now?
I don't know, maybe y'all busy or, uh,
I don't know, or if we're going to have to patch it through,
we can hang on to the phone message.
Trent?
Brent?
I need to wait.
We're going to turn into a bigger deal than, uh,
Brent, are you there?
Where are you?
To the ten digits.
I'm sorry, Brent, are you there?
Brent?
Get to the right store.
To the ten digits.
Can I, uh, tell eight or thirty?
Get over there.
Not take that.
My God, Janine, get, get the store on the phone.
We don't have time for this, okay?
Sometimes I wish I was back in your position.
Brent, I'm connecting store 228 now.
There, Brent.
Yeah, I'm here.
We're on line right now for the conference call.
Please stand by.
We'll conclude as soon as possible.
Brent on the line.
I'm patching in.
Go ahead, Brent.
Hello, how can I help you here?
Green Jersey store 2059.
What can I help you with?
I think we might have lost the call.
Is any of the stores still on the line?
If the store's still on the line, please tell us your name and your store number, please.
I'm 1100.
How are you?
I'm good.
How may I help you?
Ma'am, I've got Brent on the phone.
One moment, please.
Go ahead, Brent.
Hello?
Hello?
What can I help you with?
Hello?
Hello?
Yeah?
What can I help you with?
Call me.
We're in hot water.
What is it?
One.
Do me right now.
I have something I can help you with.
So if you could just.
One.
Five minutes to your cover.
Hold your moment.
Hold your moment.
At the tone, please record your voice message.
When you are finished recording, you may hang up or press pound for more options.
Are you there, Brent?
Uh, playing the, uh, the music.
So Brent, are you there?
I need someone else on the line myself.
I need electronics, please.
I'm training two associates right now.
The guy on the line, he's got a pretty big problem.
And we've been working moments here.
Are you there? Electronics? One second.
I'm happy. What is it that you're looking for?
Can I help you?
I'm patching you through this phone call, okay?
Electronics, ma'am, stay on the line.
Hold on.
I'm on the line. I see we've got a problem going on.
There's something going on here.
What's going on there?
Chef, I want to see if there is a problem with the manufacturer.
Hello, ma'am?
Hello, Walmart.
Keep calling Walmart.
Have a good night there.
All right.
Phone 2.
Electronics.
That's on my line.
Hey, dude.
What you doing?
Are you there?
Hold on.
I'm patching you through to store 261, okay?
Okay.
I was on this side.
I'm cranky.
Good night.
Why are we doing this?
Fine.
Circulate Walmart.
One moment.
Here, ma'am.
Here you go.
Good.
Sorry.
Hello.
Can I do it for you?
Circulate Walmart.
You call me?
4-2-2-6-7.
I'm at Circulate Walmart.
To place a call.
I'm at Purchase Product 10.
There's two different Walmarts.
If you would like help, you're going to have to be more specific.
Can you transfer your electronic?
Please.
This is funny, because had we done it right, we could have said we were all from corporate
doing a conference call and seeing how many different Walmarts are going to go down at
the same time, and then Badger don't.
So here's the thing.
McDonald's is going to be so much easier to do that.
Okay, well, let's get some McDonald's numbers in.
Oh, no, no, no.
Great idea, Walmart.
We should say this.
There's a conference call from the corporate headquarters in Bentonville, wherever it is,
and they need to stay on the line, and then we just keep messing with them.
And then we drop the box.
The department was very convincing in doing this.
Copy that.
Electronics department.
Okay.
We need you to wait on the line.
Okay.
Are you there?
This is Jeffrey with the corporate office.
We're doing a conference call.
Horizontal line, please give us your first name and your store number, please.
31.
31, are you, this is the one on Liberty Library Road?
Sure.
Parkway Plaza, Walmart Pharmacy.
If you are a patient and would like to request a refill, press 1.
If you are a physician, press 2.
All right, we're trying to get this put together.
For questions about Medicare prescription drugs benefits.
Is store 3207 on the line?
I'll try to get 3215 on the phone.
I'll be right back.
Okay, is store 3207 on the line?
An associate or a manager?
3207 on the line, please, sir.
Yeah, that's...
First name.
3207 on the line.
It's totally off the charts.
This is way...
I'm going to say this to all the...
All the box managers on the line right now.
We are...
This is part of the problem right here.
This is called abandonment rate.
You know, it's a super senator.
We got you.
106.
Just a question exactly.
Are we speaking of eight per store?
Or is this just eight per region?
I've got one comment to add.
Three guys in my garden.
and now they've got
maybe like a
check from the
me
and burst
5081
still got everybody
who is it
that's on hold
that's unbelievable
George Lennon
Dave Jack
last one is the one
on my line
who put us on hold
identify your store
number please
207 is on hold
last one
lost everybody
that was awesome
that's what they get
that was fun man
we had the actual
conference call
and everything
it was great
their store number
they're all like
what the fuck
5381 are you there
5381
that's funny
I was trying to get
it has a number here
for their website
customer service
they closed about
20 minutes ago
had I caught it in time
it would have been funny
to get the website
customer service
for walmart.com
on a line too
just to see what
that would have brought around
how long were we doing that for
it kind of beat
we were at one point
and we just started
calling around
it's awesome
do you want to try
McDonald's
we could get a bunch
of McDonald's
over here
in no time flat
I know I could
bullshit
alright
now what we need to know
No, I need to find out where McDonald's corporate is so I can, you know,
we can say we're calling from McDonald's corporate and blah, blah, blah.
So let me go to McDonald's.
Tell them that, you know, like we had an inspection from PETA to salvage.
I want them to sell the burger patties.
Oh, my God.
The best thing is that I like how the corporate announcements be read by Bubba Johnson.
It was so funny.
Now, look at this.
Listen here, everybody.
That guy was just captivated.
He couldn't even speak.
He was liking a lot for words and shit.
This is too much.
Is this about McDonald's?
About to.
I've got here, I just got the headquarters is Oak Brook, Illinois.
So if we need to bring up where corporate is, it's Oak Brook, Illinois.
Who the hell's calling me?
It's Walmart's.
Here, I was thinking for a while.
I'm going to compact you into the conference crap.
Give me a phone number to call back.
That's the restaurant located for McDonald's.
Oh, you know what?
It's on my, okay, yeah, I'll just use the same number.
Dude, 902 went over the zip code.
Everybody.
Everybody hang on the line.
We are actually getting ready to conference call a bunch of McDonald's here at one time.
Milkman will be joining us here in a moment as well.
And Turr Burglar, of course, is on the line, I believe.
All right, everybody hang on while we're waiting for another round of conference calls here to a McDonald's.
Now McDonald's is our next target.
Comments in the chatroom.
Fall says she would buy them if they weren't $4 or $5 each.
Hey, Ted.
Hey, Ted, quickly, I sent you a link to where you can do a McDonald's USA restaurant locator.
It doesn't have the phone numbers.
Crap.
Call Tune while we connect you.
McDonald's site doesn't actually have a phone number.
What's up, buddy? We're on the air.
We decided to just start calling a bunch of Walmarts at the same time,
and it got really crazy confusing.
I called you in the middle of it to try to get you in on it,
but you weren't answering.
But, yeah, actually, it's been really awesome here.
We've been having some fun, man.
Oh, cool.
The Madhouse stream, yeah.
We have eight people who have been listening to us all night on the Madhouse stream.
We're just having fun here doing some prank calls.
Yeah.
I'm talking to you.
No, I'm talking to you.
I never got a chance to turn it back on.
I should have done that.
You could have heard the whole thing.
I'm sorry about that, bud.
I did not.
I did not.
Go on.
It's not fair.
Yeah, we're at McDonald's now.
24-hour McDonald's is what we're looking for right now.
Do you know what's better, like McDonald's and Google Maps?
Oh, crap.
I didn't think about that.
Let me do that, as a matter of fact, because I'm over here doing another show.
They should say McDonald's near California, like...
Just before McDonald's, or...
Exactly.
Because I've got a 24-hour...
Yeah, they'd find that when they call.
Oh, yeah, as long as you know they're going to answer the phone, then we're good to go.
Yeah, they got them here in Orlando, too.
Not all of them, but some of them are.
I'm going to look here in Florida for you guys.
I used to go to one in Tampa.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
I'm going to try the whole digital.
Can I help you?
Hi, Ian.
Can I help you?
Organization.
Maybe you need to speak with the store manager.
Let me see what is more of people.
No, no, no, no, no.
I got it.
Only one second, okay?
If you're standing in the maps, if you focus on a part of the country and then search it, it'll search it within that area.
That's awesome.
It works like London and just the word host is like all over the place.
Awesome.
Ted, Ted, I'll call and I'll ask for, you know, if they have any burgers left.
And when she says yes and if I say, you know, she confirms she can make a burger, you jump in and say, how are you?
I just said we can't, they can't sell any more hamburgers.
You want to do that?
It's so awesome.
Damn, we're having fun here, everybody who is listening.
How many people listening right now?
We still have eight.
We lose one or two and we gain one or two.
It's really, really positive here.
This is fun.
This is more for fun, I think.
Who's here?
We got Milkman, Ted, and Turd Burglar.
Still there, man?
Turd, he's gone.
Turd, Turd's there.
Hello, McDonald's.
Hey, what's your name?
My name is...
Let me speak to your manager.
My name is...
Okay, what store number is this?
Four.
Hey, this is Mike with Corporate.
Uh-huh.
Okay, we've got a problem with the glory hole on the chicken,
and we're going to need some very, very precise instructions, okay?
Okay.
There's no good chicken sandwich, spicy chicken?
Spicy chicken.
I don't have spicy chicken.
Okay.
What chicken sandwich do you have there?
Chicken only.
The McChicken?
Or grill or crispy.
Now, don't you know the Glory Hole?
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Look at the Glory Hole for me.
I speak too much English.
What do you say?
Is there somebody there that does?
No.
Not right now.
Okay.
Are you near the chicken?
Excuse me?
Can you go to the chicken?
Can you call tomorrow?
Because I don't understand.
No, no.
I'm with corporate headquarters.
headquarters okay okay okay i need you to go to the chicken uh okay have one piece you get one
piece in your hand please no no right now i need you right now just to hold one piece no no no ma'am
corporate excuse me corporate headquarters uh-huh ma'am i know okay manager i need i need you to
check the glory hole the number okay do you see all those mcdonald's i gave you
try to confer something against somebody and i mean let me try to get that you want to keep
doing this i can try to get another uh mcdonald's here on the line in uh san diego so we can go and
do that conference call that conference call sounds like a good idea right so i'm gonna are
you there mcdonald's okay what's the phone number is this this is one one two zero four of the phone
number three one seven one with mike with corporate picture or i'm super manager okay great
bit of a challenge right now we're trying to get a conference call together some of the stores in
your region some changes that are going to be affected tonight but uh and you guys are probably
closing up right or you guys get another what store number is this is no one this
is 11 26 okay yes ma'am what store number is this way far away
that's something you really should know three five six eight okay fantastic
Michael's corporate headquarters are you the manager you're the cashier okay get
Get the manager on the phone, please.
You there?
In the world?
I don't know, man.
Continue to hold.
This is totally unacceptable.
Unbelievable.
Yes, ma'am.
This is Mike with corporate.
What store number is this?
Number?
What?
I have a loss for words, but nobody seems to know what their store number is.
I'm still here at home.
Okay.
The problem that we've had that's been done and changes that are going to need to go into
affect the quorum uh you know dollar okay on your ship tonight and we're going to have some
uh just a few things change it's not too big of a deal our main challenge right now is getting
people no problem making sure you weren't going to hang up before i gave you my information i
didn't know what was going on all right understand why something we need to admit
the mcdonald's west division office wow we've never had um any problems like this before
we get a lot of prank calls that's probably what they think it is there's a lot of people
what I call it. Store number, please. Yes, I know. What is your store number, please? 14314.
Okay, good. This is Michael in the corporate office. I've got one other store on the phone
right now. We're doing a conference call. We've had a few challenges come over the net recently
tonight. You guys closing up right now? We're still open. Changes that are coming down the
net that need you guys to deny that way the crew that comes in in the morning can go ahead and
take a ride over. Tax supervisor, he'll be able to explain things a little bit more in depth,
That's okay.
Okay.
I want to get all about the changes that are going to be going on.
Thank you.
First, I don't need to get to sell a chicken nugget.
Chicken nugget.
That's not a price.
Yes, sir.
All right, that other dude is in the van.
Oh, well.
I didn't know if it was a train call.
I had to make sure it wasn't going to hang up before I gave out my information.
Okay.
to your recorded call.
They all left.
I screwed that one up.
Shit.
I screwed that one up.
Are you still there?
Yeah, I'm still here.
Now you see the kind of problems that we're dealing with.
I cannot believe this.
You're going to turn it.
You catch him.
Are you there?
Put it six.
Sam, are you there?
What's going on?
This is a conference call with headquarters.
I'm listening to the conference call. What is going on?
We've been running into this problem all night.
You're the only person that's actually stayed on the phone.
One other thing that we're going to need to implement is
telling females to make sure.
I don't know which word to do. I cannot understand.
Ma'am, good call.
Okay, we'll go ahead and put him on the phone.
He's not here. You guys have a good night.
I got people on the fight.
It's easy to forget. This is hilarious, man.
I'm down for another round.
I was seconds away from dropping a glory hole on her.
She didn't even know.
She was like, oh, my God, I have so much work to do.
You know, she's, like, so upset.
That was so funny.
Dude, that's...
At least the talk, I guess.
Yeah, that's true.
Put a smile on her.
Oh, Milkman's here.
All right.
Hey, Milkman could even mess up a call for us.
You want to try another one?
You want to try McDonald's again?
Is there another corporate giant we could try now, like Starbucks, maybe?
Starbucks.
Oh, yeah, they're open until late.
That's, like, $3.
I'm going to do something real quick before I hang on to this thing.
All right, we will.
Sign on, too.
You've been good, Ted. I'm having a great time tonight.
Hey, guys, I've got Frank Master on the line.
Boy, what's up, buddy?
Frank Master?
Yeah.
Hey, Frank Master.
Say something.
I'm so scared. I can't talk.
You don't know.
What the heck was that about? He's so creepy.
He just wanted to hear our voices.
He's been begging Turdberg a little, let him in, for like a lot, like about an hour now, I think, or more.
Then he hangs up.
Then he hangs up. He had his big moment, and he freaked out, and he...
I think he froze.
Sure, yes, sir, yes, sir.
Okay, so did we decide on Starbucks, or did we start to call it a night, or some more McDonald's?
Starbucks?
I say Starbucks, because McDonald's is going to be...
That's funny.
Yo, this is McDonald's, stupid.
Yo, I work for McDonald's, stupid.
No, you just called it.
I'm going to Los Angeles.
Maybe one of you might want to take New York, and another one maybe want to take Chicago.
and just zoom in on it in Google Maps, type in Starbucks, and search maps.
Go ahead.
Probably do.
Yes.
Hey, PM me a number because I'm smoking a cigarette,
and by the time I get into my room and where my laptop is, I'll, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll send you one.
I'll send you a...
What I'm saying is do my work.
Yeah, I know what you're saying.
I know what you're saying, bitch.
I'm not even drunk.
I'm not even drunk anymore.
Silver dub.
Yeah, Milkman.
I was totally going to puke earlier.
Yeah, Turberg, when we started this and he first called in, he was like, I just finished puking from being drunk.
And now he's like all stone sober and all, like, he's chill.
He's like tucking inherently.
The show he was on was kind of out of it.
All right, I am looking here for a Starbucks.
I found a bunch of, are you looking, Ted, at all?
Or what's your status?
My status was, I was.
Okay, okay.
I'm going to start with.
I'm going to tell another joke.
I'm going to tell a joke.
I told him, let's try to one-up him.
So there's this guy.
This guy named, um, Frank, man.
You know, they're making.
So he, uh, slides his hand down her pants.
What's that?
So he's like, you know what?
You're out.
We're done it.
He tries.
So he goes downtown.
Legs are getting tighter and tighter.
Suddenly, a little cube of, uh, pineapple just rolls out.
He's thinking to himself, well, this must be why they call it rollout.
So he sits downtown again.
He's tired.
A cube of, uh, like a roast meat.
Okay, yeah, I'm ready for this one.
You know, eats it up, but, you know, so.
I'm down again.
Guys, something's not right here.
Hate me out, why, why, why?
That's great.
That's so good, that's a classic.
Who's this?
Starbucks.
This is the market, is there anything I can help you?
Does that make any sense?
Um, no.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Coffee?
I think it's right now, I'm actually closing this door.
Is there anything there?
I'm sorry, I'd like you right now.
Donut holes?
You can't hang up on me, I'm asking you a serious question.
Completely okay, but I'm really, really busy at night.
I don't have time to answer it.
You're telling me it's busy to answer a customer's question.
I'm sorry.
Answer the question.
It's not absurd.
Do you have donut holes or not?
Answer now.
No.
Do you have glass?
I think you knew what we were talking about.
He means a hole.
A chance to patch in another one.
I was too busy listening to that.
I'm sorry.
Let's tell them that the...
$35, actually.
Yeah, well, let's tell them that we're dropping the price of the Venti to $0.80.
It's starting tomorrow morning for Labor Day,
and try to see how many we can accept to do it.
Well, you said it's starting immediately, actually.
The Venti coffee.
The Venti.
Venti's the biggest one, right?
The V-E-N-T-I.
I think that's the biggest one they have.
That's what they call it.
The large is the Venti.
Yeah, Venti is the word for the number 20 in Italian.
Oh, really?
20 ounce, I guess.
That must be it, huh?
Yeah.
All right, let me patch in my conference line here.
And if you want to find a Starbucks, I'm in San Francisco right now looking.
You want to fly over to Los Angeles?
This is really cool that we can do this.
I'm doing it on Google.
I'm just basically focusing in a part of California, and I hit search maps on Starbucks,
and it just pop, pop, pop, you know, pop, pop, pop, all along.
Yeah, I got one in San Diego.
San Diego, right.
I'll call San Francisco.
And Terry Berger, he's probably trying to dial one right now,
so let me hurry up with this thing before he gets back.
Yeah, I'm Googling one right now.
All right.
Yeah, do LA, look at Los Angeles.
Dunkin' Donuts.
Dunkin' Donuts.
This is the location in Pine Road.
Hi, this is Walter.
I'm with the corporate office.
We're connecting a conference call.
Can you please hold on the line, sir?
I'm sorry?
Gentlemen, bring him up to speed, and I'm going to connect another party to the conference line, please.
Anybody here?
Terry Burglar, who's here?
Hello?
Hello?
Yes, I'm here.
I'm here.
Yes, hello.
This is the Dunkin' Donuts on Pine Road.
Yes, is this the store on Pine...
Yes, this is the store on Pine Road.
Okay, good.
We're connecting a conference call.
Can you...
If you don't mind, please hold on.
This is the corporate office.
We have a special announcement about tomorrow for the Labor Day weekend.
Sir, can you please hold on the line?
Speak to your manager, please.
I'm not here.
Where is your manager, sir?
The American manager.
at you where is he coming in the morning seven o'clock this seven you need to take this
information you got something to write with we're calling from the corporate officer
we're trying to connect this is a car do you know what a conference call is my good sir
what happened to the fat american donut maker who understood english and didn't have a problem
understanding conference call yes well to you paper pencil write down things go get your pen
Get your pencil machine.
What is your store number also, please?
We need your store number, please.
1,005, your store number, please.
The store number, your store number, please.
Your location number.
Yes.
Yes, sir.
That's your address.
We need...
Very good.
Very good.
Yes, sir.
That was right.
That was right.
You did good.
You did good.
Thank you.
Thank you.
And what is your name, sir?
Maybe I can just go ahead and get started.
We have an announcement for starting tomorrow.
Actually, Mr. Boba Johnson, are you on the line right now, sir?
Mr. Johnson?
Okay.
Okay, we have one more coming online.
One more storm.
Yes.
Patience, sir.
We appreciate it.
Are you still holding, ma'am?
Yes.
Okay, this is really doing a conference call with the other Dunkin' Donuts in your region right now.
Okay.
Just please hold line.
Okay.
The line, I believe, I...
Yes, we're calling from...
Hello.
Are you there, ma'am?
Yes, sir and ma'am.
Everybody on the line, we're calling from Canton office, from the headquarters,
and we have a special announcement to make to this current region for something we're breaking out.
I have Mr. Boba Johnson on the line.
with R&D, and he's going to be
making a statement here very briefly. I ask that
you please hold your questions to the end of the conference
call, if possible. We will recognize
you as soon as possible at the conclusion of the
conference call, and please do be sure
that you have any other managers who might
be able to get on the line, perhaps on speakerphone
if possible. Mr. Johnson, go ahead.
Thank you, thank you. I'll remind all
of you to hold your questions to the end, and if you
do have a question at the end of the call, you rename
Don Gloria. And anything,
any question,
call the manager at 11 o'clock.
Do you have a time to get off this morning?
Probably 8, 9?
Okay.
Have a nice day.
Bye-bye.
To place a call, press to listen to your recorded call.
Press your card.
Press 3.
Hang on, let me get rid of that.
For customer service.
He's actually going to go through here.
Keep with the goal sign.
Probably, you know, Dunkin' Donuts is a franchise.
All right.
So those, you know, they're each owned by individuals.
We should probably do one to Chris.
Yeah, because their franchise, they could give a shit what the corporate says.
It doesn't matter.
They're franchisees.
Right.
They just have to sell the same one.
Yeah, you got a point.
You got a point.
There's always Crystals or White Castles.
Aren't those always open 24 hours, too?
There's Denny's also.
Denny's are always 24-7, pretty sure.
Columbus.
Oh, we'll call the one in Columbus, yeah.
I know that one.
It's a good one.
Very good one.
You guys want to try Denny's or something else out, or White Castle or something,
or you guys want to call it a night?
It's up to you guys.
I'm fine.
Getting a little tired, but we can go for one more corporate entity.
So what's it going to be?
What do we have suggested here?
You said Krispy Kreme.
We can try that.
We can try Denny's.
Anything else?
What the hell is that?
That was meowing at me.
Oh.
No, no, there's some static on the line.
Not the cat.
There's also 7-Eleven.
We can try as well.
Think about it.
We're chilling.
Burglar, what's he doing?
George.
What's up, buddy?
I need a job for doing like a
comedic presentation on Flavor Day
that celebrates Flavor Day.
Shit, that's good.
Drunk when you're not.
Yeah, there's two different types of humor.
Of humor.
There's drunk humor
and there's intellectual humor, I guess.
Oh, man.
That's the difference between
Ergo Turdler and Turdburger.
Ergo Turdler.
We got a black guy who answered it.
I got a black guy who answered
Dunkin' Donuts.
That's very hard to get a black man
to answer the phone.
Oh, wow.
I didn't know that either.
I thought it was all Indians now.
Very polite Indians.
Yeah.
Maybe he was an urban Indian.
An urban Indian?
Urban.
He's from North India.
Black Indians.
Might as well have a little Pakistani animal.
All right, so what are we doing?
What are we doing?
I'm getting tired here.
Yeah, I have no idea where we're going.
Okay, we're going to call Turdburg.
What do you think?
Do you want to try Denny's?
Because there's a lot of Denny's.
I think they're pretty well established.
They're going to be 24 hours.
Yeah, call Denny's.
All right, let's do Denny's.
And what can we say to a Denny's?
What would their new promotion be?
Or cancellation of policy, what would it be?
We're going to change the name of the Grand Slam breakfast at the Denny's.
Yes.
Grand Slam is at Denny's.
Change that to the...
You're trying, you're trying.
You're trying.
We could do it with those folks.
that's something weird like that right you just say the coffee's free for for until through labor
day through the end of this through midnight labor day coffee's gonna be free i don't know
about that that's funny we say that there's there's allegations of of racism against black
people coming around so we're gonna give black people free free black coffee just just black
coffee though just black coffee a labor day black cup black pages in here me too i'm like in a in
In a state of, yeah, a different state.
I think I'm going to call it a night, too.
I think it's time.
We've had a lot of fun here.
It was fun.
Yeah, it was fun.
It was fun, guys.
Yeah, out of nothingness came somethingness.
That was great.
Awesome.
Turdburglar, thank you.
You helped out a lot.
Turdburglar, Turdler, whatever.
Urgloburgle.
Urgloburgle, Turdler.
This is a city called Vacaville in California?
Yeah, Vacaville.
Calville, huh?
Bad traffic there, huh?
Yeah.
Check the traffic.
Yeah, I got a green line going all the way through.
Looks okay now.
Your traffic report for Vacaville is clear sailing.
down uh okay wait a minute hey guys thanks uh turberg if you're still there thank you i don't
know if he's trying to get a number on or not but turgle ted thank you man take care of yourself oh
yeah i'm sorry yes milkman this has been a special night but i'm very tired right now

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