2007-09-27 Show

Who plays?

What happens in America?

Well, we steamed your ass in World War II.

What do you have to do?

You never did.

And who helped you out just now?

You piss off, woman.

Don't talk to me like that.

We don't need you anyway, bitch.

Shut up.

Fuck you.

Call me up soon, you stinky fucker.

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Mahalo.

Mahalo, everybody.

Good evening.

It is I, the most heterosexual man on the internet, Carlito, here with you tonight to make fun of people and have fun.

Good evening, everybody. Madhouse Radio is back.

It is I, Carlito, with none other than the most homosexual man on the Internet, the Milkman.

Milkman, what is up? Milkman, how you doing?

Good one, Milkman. Milkman will be with us shortly here.

Let me press buttons until I figure out how to turn them on.

Milkman, talk, you motherfucker, son of a motherfucking bitch.

Good. It wouldn't be a show without Milkman's audio networking.

Anyway, we're here, we're alive.

You're listening to Madhouse Radio on Stern Syndicate Radio, syndicateradio.tv.

TV, home to all Syndicate Radio transvestites, syndicateradio.tv in full effect, you're listening

to Nas in the background, and you're listening to my fat ass, we do this thing every week,

every Thursday night, we come on and we shoot the shit, we do prank calls, we have fun,

we do stuff, stuff, and all that kind of stuff, so if you like what you hear, tell a friend,

get a hold of us if you want us to do your prank calls for you, we do the legwork for

you, if you go over to madhouselive.com, madhouselive.com, the homepage of Madhouse Radio, the show you're

listening to right now, let me turn the audio down, because I think I am coming in way too

friggin' ass loud, there we go, that might be better, anyway, so madhouselive.com, if

you want to hear us, over on the, no, what the fuck am I talking about, son of a fucking

bitch, I already fucked up the show, end the show, Milkman, cut the cord on the show, man,

It's over.

Milkman, fucking talk, dude.

Did you get kicked out again?

Yes.

Milkman, speak.

I command you to speak.

There, finally, Milkman.

Jesus God Christ in the mouth.

You're listening to us on 98.6 The Mouth as well as Stern Syndicate Radio.

Anyway, what I was trying to say, if you want to message us tonight,

the instructions are all laid out for you nice and proper over at madhouselive.com.

If you're using AOL or Yahoo Messenger, AOL or Yahoo Messenger.

Hello.

hi milfman you can message us at madhouse radio again madhouse radio is the screen name if you're

using aol or yahoo instant messenger if you are using msn messenger then why don't you hit us up

at madhouse live at hotmail.com madhouse live at hotmail.com while you are at the website be sure

to check out all our shiznits out there we have a lot of stuff out there we have our podcasts of

Of course, keeping it real in the field.

And a big what's up to everybody listening to the podcast tonight.

Not tonight, but, I mean, in the future, tomorrow morning or next week or whatever.

Whenever you're listening to us on the podcast, thank you for listening to our podcast.

We have just about as many live listeners as we do have podcast subscribers, man,

which is a good thing, Milkman.

Isn't that great, Milkman?

Okay.

One day things will be normal around here with Milkman.

One day Milkman will have a normal, normal connection to the show.

Why did I even invite him?

I don't know.

Well, anyway, so, yeah, and also we have a newsletter there.

We have prank calls.

We have all that jazz.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Lonesome Loser is checking in.

Lonesome Loser is here.

Hello?

Hello, Milkman.

Hello?

Milkman?

You are unmuted.

Hello, Milkman.

Hello?

Hey.

I can't hear anything.

Now I hear something.

Now you hear something.

Well, good, man.

You know what?

TalkShoe is a piece of shit, and I said it right now.

All you listening to us on TalkShoe, TalkShoe is a piece of crap.

It works like crap.

It works like crap, Milkman.

I know it's the only way you can listen to the show because you don't have internet for the time being,

but it's a hunk of shit.

They ruined it with their upgrades that actually downgraded the whole damn thing.

So nobody go to TalkShoe.com.

I do have to announce that we are being simulcast on a new station on Saturday mornings in Australia, Milkman.

Can you believe it?

Cool.

In Australia, and I forgot the name of the station.

What party is that?

Oh, man, is that our party?

I don't know.

There goes the satellite again.

Again, the satellite just fell out of the sky.

Milkman will be disconnected in about two minutes.

What?

Sputnik.

I saw an article about Sputnik recently.

What happened?

Did they find Sputnik or did it get lost or something like that?

Something gay happened to Sputnik.

What was that?

Sputnik.

Man, that's old.

Yeah, whatever.

It looks like a basketball with spokes coming out of it all going one way.

It's a piece of crap.

I don't believe it ever happened.

I don't believe we even hit the moon, to be honest with you.

Anyway, okay, so we got this message.

This is from...

It is.

Yeah, man.

And it's good cheese.

It's the most fermented cheese in the world.

But it's not in the world.

Milkman, how would you pronounce the first name spelled A-E-D-E-N?

A-E-D-E-N.

Would that be Aiden?

Aiden?

Aiden.

Aiden has told us he's the administrator of Rumble 103.

They're located at rumble103.com.au out of Australia.

and they will be simulcasting us starting this Saturday at 7 p.m. Australia time.

I have no idea what time that is.

So if you ever miss the show.

That's about 10 hours ahead of us.

Oh, yeah?

All right, so they're on, I don't know.

I don't want to do the math.

You figure it out for me and tell me later.

What time are they on?

Which part of Queensland side?

I don't know.

What the fuck?

It's Australia.

Isn't it all the same?

Dude, it's a fucking continent, man.

Whatever.

That doesn't count as a continent.

It's a fucking country.

Country-net.

I don't recognize Australia's status as a continent.

I think it should be a large country, perhaps a supersized island, but definitely not a continent.

Anyway, we've got a lot of people hanging out in the stick cam chat room over at the syndicators.

Syndicators, what's up?

We've got Beetlejuice, Sidekick Chuck, Rocky, Big Rev, Sexy Sexy Motherfucking Rev is in there.

They're the greatest guy in the world.

And others are there as well.

Is he still on the manhole?

I don't think he's called the manhole in a nine time, bro.

You really need to let the manhole thing down.

Those are classic prank calls, man.

When you made the guy eat shit.

I want a copy of that.

Rev, get on that, bitch.

Give me a copy of that manhole.

That manhole prank, man.

When he made some black dude eat shit on the air and then he started puking it up.

Oh, man.

That was nasty.

Man, that's classic prank call, dude.

Classic prank call.

Wow, man.

You've heard that, right?

You know what I'm talking about, right?

He called some guy.

He's like, yeah, eat your shit.

And the guy's like, oh, I'm going to eat my shit.

And he started, like, going, like, was pushing it out.

And then he started, like, eating it.

And then he started, like, dry heaving and all that.

Oh, it was fucking vile, vile, nasty.

And that is a turn on.

I'm sure you turned on.

Echophiliac freak milk, man.

Anyway, everybody.

My nipple's hard.

Yeah, we normally would talk about news right now, but you know what?

I don't know any, there's no news.

Sputnik has been launched.

That's all I know.

No, seriously, I don't know.

What? OJ? No.

There's a man on the internet talking in panties and a bra.

Macho Camacho?

Felix Trinidad?

Dude, I don't know what the hell you're talking about, bro.

What are you talking about?

Maybe in the Virgin Islands there's some Puerto Rican cross-dressing boxer, but not here in America.

They say Puerto Rican boxer, man.

Whatever.

Nobody cares about some gay...

Not everybody cares, man.

Yeah, right.

They don't care about anything.

They only get like that, fucking...

Like, all the body outfits...

Are you talking about Oscar...

Are you talking about Oscar De La Hoya?

That's it.

Oscar De La Hoya's wearing women's clothes?

Why wasn't I told about this?

What?

Yeah, dude, it's all over the internet.

He got caught, like, like a gay?

De La Hoya?

Like a gay, like, he's posing with some Russian, like, she's good looking.

The Golden Day?

My ass, yeah, and I mean, I gotta look this up right now, motherfucker, because I...

He's got, like, a blonde wig on, then another one he's wearing, then another one...

How'd they get...

Uh, kind of like...

Uh-huh.

Whatever.

When I...

Oh my God, I see a picture, he's wearing...

Why is Oscar De La Hoya dressing like a woman?

What's that all about?

Dude, I don't know, who gives a...

The release of the compromising photo spread of famous boxer Oscar De La Hoya

dressed in a lady's black fishnet.

He's fucking great.

He's one of the best boxers.

Nah, he turned out to be a homo bitch.

That's Oscar De La Hoya.

He's a homo.

I used to like him.

He beat Chavez's ass, and then he ended up being a homo bum bitch.

By 97, he kept getting his ass.

Fuck De La Hoya, man.

I don't know.

You really like De La Hoya, man?

Ah, bitch.

I don't have any respect for Oscar De La Hoya.

Now, Trinidad beat his ass.

I know that.

Trinidad beat his ass.

Oh.

Yeah, whatever.

All right, so that's Oscar De La Hoya.

I had no idea that Oscar De La Hoya was into wearing panties and stuff.

De La Hoya are not convinced he's a cross-dresser.

They believe in...

What?

Okay, so De La Hoya may have inadvertently attracted a whole new fan base that will follow

him.

I don't know.

It's a fucking...

It's funny because...

...blog I'm looking at here.

It's like a Photoshop flip map.

You're chopping up so much, my love.

My love, Milkman.

My beautiful love.

Um, hang on. Oscar De La Hoya's...

She was complaining that she only got seven.

What is this? Okay, hang on. Milkman.

Who's?

Oscar De La Hoya still maintains that the ever-increasing batch of photos that show a man identified as the boxer

in a variety of poses and cross-dressing-like outfits are not him.

Well, he's guilty right there just for saying that, then.

You know.

But the scandal seems to grow every day and more pictures are released with women

and the whole sordid mess is growing.

Do you really think Oscar De La Hoya would be going around dressing like a woman?

Come on, man.

My ass.

Come on.

Fuck that.

Dude, it looks funny as hell.

Wow.

I don't think the P. West player is fucking fierce, dude.

Oscar De La Hoya's photo scandals recorded phone call 70,000 for pics.

I don't know.

Yeah, but Oscar De La Hoya, Oscar is a very effeminate speaker.

If you've ever seen him speak, he talks very effeminately, and he carries himself very...

No, no, you know the way Oscar...

No, no, no, because when I used to watch HBO when I was a jit, I would watch HBO, and they had the commercial with all the boxers,

and the boxers would be like, the best fighters in the world fight here.

And then one, they would have, they had like, I forgot who it was, Lennox Lewis comes out.

No, it wasn't as bad as Tyson, but in the commercial, it would be like, you know, Lennox Lewis would start,

and he'd go, the best fighters in the world.

And then Oscar De La Hoya would be like, fight here.

Like, you know, like really high and effeminate kind of.

So, yeah, I'm going to put Oscar on my gay list.

Oscar is now a gay, and he is not allowed.

Oscar, he's fabulous.

Oscar's not allowed to call the show anymore from now on.

I don't really care if he wants to fuck a dick or whatever.

He looks cute.

That's his problem.

I guess you're into that thing, aren't you?

My friend is.

Well, what else has been going on?

Now, all of a sudden, Oscar De La Hoya is a cross-dresser.

What else is going on?

All of a sudden.

Obviously, it's been for a while, dude.

It's the end of the universe, man.

We're going freaking backwards around here these days.

What the fuck is happening?

We've got boxers dressing like girls.

Ah, jeez.

Russian whore that released the story.

Tropical Storm Lorenzo formed Thursday off the Gulf of Mexico.

Is that headed over here, Milkman?

What's going on with that?

You see?

You're supposed to stay on top of this stuff.

The other could be hoping, headed over there.

Mexico

they get hurricanes they'll be fine all the time

they like hurricanes

or huracans as they call it

ok milkman seriously we'll get to more news later

for now we will do pranks

it is now the prank hour

the first hour is brought to you by

madhouse munchies be sure to go to

madhouse munchies dot com

madhouse munchies dot com the sponsor of the

first hour of madhouse radio

being carried in Australia man

Dude, we will be on Saturday morning on, oh.

I love Triple Radio.

That's one of my.

Yeah, what's it called?

Triple what now?

Triple what?

J.

Triple J.

J.J.J. Radio.

That is wonderful.

Guys, look it up on the internet.

Great rock.

Okay.

Anyway, yeah.

Well, it sounds fun.

I think you've told me about that before.

So, yeah, the Rumble 103 is carrying us.

Thank you for carrying us for the first time tonight, Rumble 103.

We hope that we continue.

Hey, Milkman.

Why don't you do a web search for that right now since you're on a computer?

Anyway.

Okay.

All right, Milkman, Milkman, take it easy.

Take it easy, brother.

Who's messing with my door?

Shut up.

Back there.

Lonesome Loser has sent in numbers.

We have Elizabeth King and Edward King in Manchester, England.

Shut up.

We also have Ma Dyke in Manchester as well.

We have Peter Spooner in Manchester.

Manchester.

We also have the wild card restaurant and bar that's in Canada.

I even met B.B. King and I had got his autograph.

What?

B.B. King.

B.B. King?

Yeah, man.

You got his autograph?

Oh, yeah.

I met him in Pittsburgh.

Yeah, B.B. King gave you his autograph.

Well, that's good.

Where did he put it?

On your arm?

Did you have a picture of him?

Oh, did he give me an autograph?

Did he give me an autograph?

Oh, B.B.

Is he dead?

He's dead by now, right?

Oh, fuck me just like.

Didn't he drown in New Orleans?

No, no, no.

He's diabetic.

Oh, yes.

Yes, that's right.

He's a fellow diabetic.

That's right.

He did the commercials for the diabetes machine that I own.

That's right.

I understand.

Okay.

All right.

You need to shut the fuck up.

If I would, and for TV 20, the loophole of the screen is down.

You just have to show up in person.

Okay.

All right, Milkman.

We're doing a prank call.

Oh, I don't have an internet.

Did you get a card, man?

Because I don't have an international card.

That's not good.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh, uh-oh, we can't do the international call first.

We'll see if we can get one.

If you have a phone card out there, anybody, international card,

we have a domestic card but not an international card.

But regardless, we're going to call punkies, punkies in Colorado.

Okay, Milkman, you just, yeah, listen.

Speaking of Colorado, Milkman, we're doing a prank call to Colorado.

How about that, huh?

All right, the greatest state in the union, Colorado.

Alright, isn't that where the polygamists are from?

Or is that Utah?

That's Salt Lake

Utah

Salt Lake City, the polygamists

Yeah, the chookabuckers

Okay, alright

Punky's Restaurant, everybody

Punky's Restaurant

First prank of the night

Never wise, one would be too many

Okay

Thank you, everybody

This is Punky's in Colorado

We're going to call instead the wild card restaurant and bar

They're in California

Looks like a Mexican place

A Mexican woman, alright

It's a word from Mexico, everybody

Good job, Carl

You saw I found that root song that you kept talking about last week, remember?

Oh, yeah, man.

I was playing it.

Uh-oh.

Milkman, clear.

Lost the patient, man.

Shit.

Okay.

We lost Milkman.

He just died.

Next prank call of the night coming right up.

Very, very special prank.

To listen to your recorded call.

Hear that, Milkman?

You can't even hear it.

You still seating?

Are you still seating?

What's going on?

Hello?

The phone.

Touching the phone?

How are you touching it?

Putting your hand on the phone?

Are you trying to choke the phone?

Don't choke on the phone, please.

Please. The phone is not a toy. Are you still

seating tonight? No. Making

food. To the jefe. Where's jefe?

Who's the jefe now? Molesto?

You're molesting the phone too, huh? Yeah?

Would you put the phone on your

private parts, please? I don't know.

Well, no. Just think about it. If you take the phone,

you put it on your private parts and rub it a little bit.

Okay. Okay, let me hear that.

Oh, man. Wow, she's got very hard private

parts, doesn't she? Whoever calls her private

parts anyway.

KDK would call it. My private parts,

everybody. KDK here with his private

I don't know.

It's a bunch of white people, dude.

Who cares?

Who cares, man?

Who cares?

Yeah.

Let's thank everybody listening to us live.

God damn it, Mike.

Mike is way too hot, man.

Anyway, god damn it, everybody.

We're here.

We're live.

You're listening to us live.

Madhouse Radio.

Madhouse Live.

August.

Fuck.

It's almost October.

September 27th.

It is a Thursday night.

Tonight it is 10.30.

We normally don't even start yet.

But tonight we are on.

Lonesome Loser has sent us an international card, dude.

Isn't that awesome?

Oh, yes.

All right, good.

So everybody get ready for some calls to England.

You know, we should really call Australia and introduce them to Madhouse Radio.

I mean, this is the first time we're on live in Australia.

We've been on in Australia.

Yeah.

Well, I'm sure we've had Australian fans, but now we're actually on a station based out of the island of Australia, man.

And I really would like to talk to them about their status.

I don't recognize their continent status.

Fuck that.

You're not a continent.

If your body of mass has only one country on it, you're not a goddamn continent, okay?

It doesn't matter, dude.

We have four.

We'll kick...

We have four.

Four.

No, we have five or six, dude.

We've got...

Look, Alaska...

Listen, Alaska, Hawaii, Pacific, okay?

Okay, you've got your, what else do you got?

We've got Pacific Time.

You've got Mountain Time.

No one ever talks about Mountain Time.

That's like the...

No, why?

Because it's not in Mountain Time.

Fuck Mountain Time.

They should just eliminate Mountain Time and make it part of Eastern Time.

Yes, me.

Because, like, it's very...

So what do they get their own time for?

What's that all about?

Fuck that, dude.

No, it's not very much...

Well, who's in Mountain Time, then?

Who are the big players in Mountain Time?

Well, you've got Nevada.

Vegas is Mountain Time, right?

Vegas, yeah.

I think they're...

No, Vegas, New Mexico isn't, but Vegas is, yeah.

So I guess it would be Colorado and Utah, I guess, is mountain time, too, probably.

I guess that's how it works.

Here's another question.

Wait a minute real quick.

Now, if you're listening to, if you're watching Saturday Night Live in California, it's on at 7 p.m.?

That's interesting, dude.

Because over here, no, what's, no, 8 p.m.

I used to work for NBC Network.

You never worked for NBC Network, sure.

Are you the guy that was stalking David Letterman, dude?

No, I'm not.

What's the frequency, Kenneth?

Milkman.

Yeah, I'm sure you did.

Really?

That's good, man.

Good for you.

Good for you on NBC, dude.

So, okay, Rev is reporting that Saturday Night Live is taped for California.

It's not even live.

That would suck.

I told you.

No, it's weird because with Jay Leno, Jay Leno's Tonight Show, I believe they tape it first in L.A.

It's not live, dude.

No, I know, I know.

Listen, look, it's taped live in L.A. in the afternoon, and then it gets sent over to New York.

It's played on the East Coast after that, and then it gets played on the West Coast after that.

It goes back and forth.

It's a normal expected time slot.

You know, I haven't watched Jay Leno in years.

I detest Jay Leno.

I know he's boring, but, oh, God, worst, no, no, no, no, no, no, Jay's monologue is like

crap, it's like sitcom humor, I hate Jay's monologue, it sucks, it sucks so bad, fuck

Jay Leno, I like David Letterman a little better, no, no, no, no, no, no, David Letterman,

I'll tell you what, David Letterman's, when you put all the night, the night talk show

people together. I think the best

monologue is definitely Conan O'Brien

after that. Conan O'Brien, I love him.

He's a genius. Conan O'Brien and...

That was my shift.

I went out to all the

nighttime shows

and just replayed it

so I can really hear

everybody else.

Good point, Milkman.

Earthdog is bringing up Jimmy Kimmel.

What I'm going to say about Jimmy Kimmel is when Jimmy Kimmel

first came out for the first year

plus that he was on ABC,

The local ABC affiliate here in Orlando refused to carry him,

and by the time he came on, I really didn't care much for Jimmy Kimmel anyway.

Like, I think they were playing him at 3 o'clock in the morning after like a year and a half,

and I think now they finally play him right after Nightline,

which is like, I guess that's where their main night show is.

Well, they used to have it during, what was it, Greg's denier,

and then they play him on as an actor, and he's not any better.

He's actually worse than when he had to.

well hey people don't know that David Letterman

almost went to ABC twice

almost left CBS and went to

ABC twice that would have been interesting

that wouldn't help him anyway

no he's an awesome

he's way better

Jay Leno only gets the

ratings because he's in LA

and he's hobnobbing it with

I love it when on the Stern show they make fun of Jay Leno

when they do the accent and all that

it's stupid

fuck Jay Leno up his ass

Fuck that guy.

I'm getting a call.

His fucking chin, man.

Fucking big chin.

If you look at his face, dude, I took a bucket, swung it, and came in the face.

His chin is like popping out.

Okay, dude.

Let's call him fucking big.

That's good, Milkman.

That's good.

He's got that chin.

Hey, we got a caller.

Guess who it is.

Who's the first caller of the night every week, my friend?

Katie Kay.

No.

Katie Kay, you're on the air.

What's up, Carly Dog?

Hey, Jonathan.

What's going on, brother man?

Yeah.

We're here.

We're talking about Jay Leno.

Do you ever watch Jay Leno or David Letterman?

Are you into the late-night talk shows at all?

Well, I'm hard of them, but I really don't get into that much stuff like that.

Okay.

Okay, well, that's fine.

Hey, if you're not into it, you don't watch much TV, I take it.

You don't come across as a TV watcher at all.

Ah, sometimes I do, if I get real bored.

Okay.

Well,

at least you have a TV.

If you ever need it, if you're ever at war, you know what's going on.

So, Jonathan, what's up with the deal?

You've been doing a show lately on Stick Cam, I believe?

Yeah, we've been broadcasting from Stick Cam on the Lost Boys page.

Okay, and please tell everybody how to get to your website.

Explain it.

I want to point to everybody, this is the easiest website to get to internet radio.

Take it away, my friend.

Okay, to get to our regular page, it's www.lostboys.brainstorms.com, and the other site is www.steven.com.

That's very easy.

Okay, so I'm going right now to lostboys.com.

Let's see what comes up here.

L-O-S-T boys.com, right?

Yeah.

Lost Boys with two Z's.

Okay, so, all right, everybody.

Everybody, that's L-O-S, okay, Lost Boys, so L-O-Z-Z-T-B-O-Y-S.com.

I'm there right now, and it's not pulling anything up.

Hang on.

L-O-Z-Z-T-B-O-I-S, everybody.

No, you got it wrong.

It's L-O-S-T-Y-

Let's try that again.

All right, so we got T-Y-Z.

Yeah, well, try to send that over to me because I can't seem to find his website.

Everybody, that's L-O-Z-Z-T-B-O-Y-S.

Oh, I see. Here, I got it now. Okay, it says, uh, travel, timeshare, car rentals, honeymoons.

Hey, that's awesome, man. Look at that. Diabetes. That's good. Hey, thanks, man.

He's got a health section here, even, Milkman. You should see this.

Let's take a look here.

Oh, man. I'm fine, man.

Um, this, uh, let's see. Let's click on diabetes here. Diabetes health.

Diabetes and pain. Diabetes testing supplies. Type 2 diabetes. Can I reverse diabetes?

You can't reverse diabetes, Jonathan.

What are you talking about, man?

You're on the wrong side, dude.

Diamaxol.

Unconditionally guaranteed to keep healthy blood sugar levels in normal range or it's free.

Wow, man.

I need that.

My sugar's been really high lately, Jonathan.

Really?

Yeah.

My sugar's been out of control.

I can barely see at night.

I think I'm going to lose one of my legs pretty soon, man.

I'm not kidding you.

Everybody out there, donate some money.

I haven't been eating enough carrot.

Hey, Jonathan, I'm going to call this number on your website to MicroneutraHealth for this diabetes stuff.

You ready for that?

You can if you want, but I'm telling you that's not the kind that you're on.

All right, everybody, hang on.

We're calling Jonathan.

Jonathan's going to stand in line here with us.

We're going to do a prank call to MicroneutraHealth and get to the bottom of this diabetes thing.

Just one moment.

I've got to find some music, dude.

Shit.

Right there.

We're on a whole Jack Vashasin.

Is it Sharika? Is that what you said your name is?

How does it fall out?

How can I help you today?

Z-H-E-R-A-K.

Okay, I'm diabetic. I got a type for you.

And I'm trying, I'm on the website right now, and it looks pretty interesting.

Can you explain exactly to me what the fattening process is?

What is it called?

The fattening process.

How is the process with the Dimexil?

Yeah, I'm diabetic, and I'm losing my eyesight.

I lost my left leg and my right foot.

Well, what this is, is this product is used for the blood sugar support of type 1 and type 2 diabetes.

Dimexol maintains, it helps maintain good blood sugar levels,

and it also eliminates resistance by the parent's cells while promoting the first few months of stabilizing your sugar.

What you'll have to do is you'll have to take one for each.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

How many?

One.

One or three meals.

Sometimes I have one big meal.

Well, that'll be fine.

You can take two to three capsules per day.

I actually go to one buffet every day.

That's all I eat.

Okay.

Sometimes I wake up when I'm hungry.

I go to the breakfast buffet, the Shoney's.

And if I don't feel like getting up, I sleep in a lot.

That'll be fine.

What you can do is you can take one capsule when you wake up.

So, when I get to the sizzler, I'll take one of these.

Now, should I double my dosage?

If you can, it won't hurt you at all.

All right.

And the results will be in two weeks.

Um, what was your name?

Jack Masterson.

Jack?

Could you say your last name?

Um, hey.

Caught someone possibly in your family?

No, the insurance company kicked me out because I called and I got mad.

They turned down my spa.

I said I needed a spa installed in my house, and I was going to put it on insurance, and those sons of bitches, they took it down, and I told the lady, I said, you know what, I told the adjuster, you bitch, I said to her, you're not allowed to hang off on me, I'm on insurance, I'm on insurance, man, I have an HMO, homo, he's on the line, talk homo, not yours.

Cheese, everybody.

Up in the Yahoo Messenger?

In the Yahoo Messenger.

Oh, apparently I'm being told here that the online request form doesn't work anymore.

Well, I didn't know that.

That's not good.

Milkman, you're in charge of that, you know.

The webmaster.

See if you'll pick up.

Yeah, I can do that.

What's his deal lately?

What's he been up to?

What's new with Cheese Boy?

I've been running a long time.

I'm supposed to.

Next time you hear from Mr. Cheese, be sure to give him my best.

Okay, send me the number.

Jonathan is sending us the number for Cheese Boy, everybody.

Cheese Boy.

If you don't know who Cheese Boy is, go to cheeseboy.com.

C-H-E-A-Z-E-Y-V-O-I-S dot C-O-M dot A-U.

Right.

What's his real name anyway?

Type it to me.

Pete Smith.

Now everybody knows who Cheese Boy is.

Damn it.

We'll be right back with the next prank call of the night, motherfuckers.

We got a call.

England, dude.

And Australia.

That's dirty.

Go on and bring the number up to put in to spook him.

Okie dokie.

Big Baby Smith.

Booker never answers the phone.

Jonathan, we're going to call the UK next.

You're going to ask them if they fancy a bum.

Can you say that for me real quick?

Fancy a bum.

Yeah, you're going to ask them, this is Jonathan, do you fancy a bum?

Just like that.

Okay.

Good.

Everybody stand by for Jonathan calling the UK.

Legitimate UK people asking if they fancy a bum.

If you don't know what it means, go to FancyAbum.net.

Hello?

Oh, yeah, so this is Jonathan Jones.

Do you fancy a bum?

Fancy a bum.

Hits, hang up the phone.

Okay.

Talk to us eventually, I promise you.

Oh, God.

What's wrong with you?

If you're such a big-time prank caller, man, you've got to be able to seal the deal, man.

Things like that.

You should have been like, yeah, I want to say hi to all my fans and listeners, man.

You choked under the pressure.

We've got Elizabeth King.

Elizabeth King.

Oh, look, here we go.

We got people selling a 1975 Coronado sailboat.

How about that, huh?

Is there anybody?

Okay, you want to stand in line for that?

Yeah.

Well, hang on the line for that then, dude.

Thanks.

I'm doing Craigslist calls like Dr. Lego now.

Yes, hi, I'm calling about the sailboat.

Is the sailboat still available, my good man?

Okay, can you describe, has it been used much?

What kind of care has it been?

Has it been out in the open?

What's the deal?

Receptacle on it, sir.

Receptacle, okay, so it's hanging off the, okay.

How many people do you think could fit on the boat?

Four people.

Just to introduce myself, first of all, I'm Abe Froman, South Chicago.

And I'm trying to get, has the boat had any use in the Atlantic Ocean or just on the Pacific, sir?

No, it doesn't.

Only the Pacific?

See, that's not good because, you know, there's a different salinity level in the Atlantic as compared to the Pacific, sir.

And I'm using...

Excuse me, but I'm selling it in Los Angeles.

I assume that the person I'm selling it to knows that...

Well, I mean, I have three boats and I've driven my boats down the Euphrates River.

I've been in the Atlantic, the Pacific, the Arctic Circle,

and actually on the Straits of Australia, my good man.

And the Dead Sea.

Okay, I don't know where you're going with this, but I...

Well, sir, I'm a lawyer.

I make $30,000 a year.

Place of call.

That's why I listen to your recorded call.

You stupid jerk, that dude.

I love spoof-tell, dude.

I love spoof-tell up the ass.

That's a great time.

I do, too.

I'll tell you about purchasing me one soon.

Dude, they're like $10.

And we get, like, two shows worth of them.

We do a lot of prank calls here, so not that bad.

Where can you get them things at anyway?

Spoof.

The ones I use are at spoofcard.com.

Okay.

Spoofcard.com, everybody.

Sponsor of the second hour, Jonathan, you let it out of the bag, you crazy freak.

Jonathan, now's the time to say hi to all your fans and listeners.

I'd like to say hello to all my fans and listeners, and I hope you all have a great weekend.

Yeah.

Thank you, man.

You too.

Thanks for calling in, bro.

No problem.

All right.

Thanks, man.

Bye, Jonathan, everybody.

And that was Jonathan, everybody.

That was Jonathan, everybody.

How about Jonathan, Milkman?

How about Jonathan?

Good point, Milkman.

Very good point.

Okay.

Normally we do take a break around here, but I feel like doing some more parent calls, to be honest with you.

We've got a gentleman here, a guy.

Fucking Mike.

Cock.

We've got a guy selling an HP OfficeJet Pro L7780 brand new for $400 in Orange County, California.

Is that the name of the city or just the area?

I guess it's the area.

What's in Orange County?

Milkman, are you there?

There, damn it.

I need someone to talk with.

Come on.

Can't do this by myself.

Talk, asshole.

Yes, you, you.

Orange County, California.

What's in Orange County?

Anaheim?

Los Angeles is in Orange County?

Wow, don't I feel stupid?

Okay.

We got a guy selling an HP OfficeJet Pro printer shit thing over there.

We got another caller on Skype.

God, maybe it's Ted.

Hey, if it's Ted, you're going to take that back and apologize, Milkman.

That's a new thing between the black people now.

They say buddy a lot.

Did you know that?

they go buddy buddy buddy like that what black people do you know who say buddy my friend my

friend duwan d-u capital j you got a friend named duwan duwan man he's a cool dude his name is duwan

d-u capital j-u-a-n cool man that's something i had a black friend called dexter i knew a black

kid named mister when i was in elementary school m-i-s-t-e-r mister we still work so messed up

like dexter's when i was a teenager and i was worth sizzler we were just talking about sizzler

And nuts.

Okay.

The whole thing was like, you know,

hey, my friend was trying to talk to you yesterday.

Who, Deez Nuts?

That kind of thing, you mean?

Yeah, that stupid-ass thing.

He'd be like...

They used to play...

Yeah, they'd put a promo real quick that said,

want two CDs?

Call in now.

So people would call and say,

oh, yeah, I want two CDs.

And the host would be like,

you want two CDs?

Yeah, you want to see Deez Nuts in your mouth?

Very funny, very funny.

Very mature.

The whole Deez Nuts thing was stupid as hell.

Deez Nuts.

That was Deez Nuts.

Deez Nuts.

But then I think of, like, the Dr. Dre album.

Yeah, when he's like, let me call myself a bitch.

He's like, these nuts.

Yeah.

The chestnuts and the chinnuts and all that.

I had some chest on my nuts.

Would those be chestnuts?

Hell no.

Yeah, that's a hell, yeah.

Hell no.

If I had some chestnut on my dick, it'd be chestnuts.

Your mouth.

Yeah, did you ever hear Dienda?

Did you ever hear the one Dienda?

No, no, what's that?

Let's say I go to you Ted

And I'd be like

Hey Ted

DeAnda was saying hi to you

The other day

Asking about you

DeAnda who?

DeAnda my dick

That's it

Stupid right?

Isn't that stupid?

That's so fucking retarded man

It's so stupid though

But it's funny

I only heard it from black people

All the time

Black people

Because that sounds like

A black girl's name

You know like

Okay now I got a new one

I could be retarded

With my brother

I'd be like

I might know a black girl

Named DeAnda

That I don't remember offhand

And the next thing I know

De's not

Or whatever

DeAnda my dick

Very cute.

I have an announcement.

Okay.

I think I know.

Let me.

Yeah, I'm playing it right.

Server and dedicated server.

Milkman, any idea?

You can't hear Milkman.

That's right.

Milkman, when are you going to have internet back?

Pretty soon, right?

Yeah.

Milkman has a new job.

He's moving back to the States.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, Milkman is going to be back in the States pretty soon.

Knock on wood.

With a new job and a new internet machine, he says.

He says to talk to him, Ted, when you get a chance, give him a call.

All right.

Yeah, like, what about this, like, hosting account I got?

Dedicated server.

That's great.

Isn't that what you're doing?

Yeah, it's pretty cool.

Cool, man.

And that's tedwww.net, right?

Yeah, tedweb.net.

tedweb.net.

I have a lot of things about that.

It goes, I don't know.

Never mind.

Let's do some prank calls, dude.

All right.

If you're down for that.

Have you heard of the show at all tonight?

We've been doing some stuff.

Yeah, I've been listening.

All right.

Cool, cool.

Well, we're getting ready to call, what is this now?

That guy's sitting on HP Office Pro, whatchamacallit, printer.

In Orange County, California.

Okay, say that again.

He has an H printer?

Yeah, he's selling an HP OfficeJet Pro.

I'm going to send you the details right quick here.

Okay.

So you know what I'm talking about.

There we are.

We are now configured, you and I.

Someone's making a request.

Yeah, sure, send a request here.

Sure, send.

And if anybody out there, real quick, Milkman and Ted,

if you allow me to shoot the crap here real quick before I set up the call.

If you want to send us a prank request,

Apparently, the Request a Prank feature at madhouselive.com is not working,

but you can always send those to us, either in the chat room, over at Stickcam,

Stern Syndicate, as well as, what's it called, the email, madhouseradio at gmail.com,

madhouseradio at gmail.com, and our messengers are Yahoo and AOL messengers,

Madhouse Radio, Madhouse Radio if you're using Yahoo and AOL Instant Messenger.

Ted, are you loaded up and ready to go?

Yep.

Awesome.

All right, everybody, here we come with the next, next, I say, prank call of the night.

Hello.

I'm calling about to call on just a second here.

Take up too much of your time.

See here, you can just come.

We're working on PI.

What that mean?

The thing is, I used to take cam for that, so whoever, whoever number, whoever number

I randomly put into the phone machine here is going to get a call back about that.

And it's going to be, I love, I love spoof tell, man.

Spoof cards are great, bro.

What did you put in, put in as the name?

And in the name, I can only put a number, but I think it comes up as the city and state that it's registered in.

I don't know exactly.

You know what?

I don't know what it looks like.

I should really test it out myself.

I wonder who that does go, like who comes up on the name.

The number, I always make it the same number, but the last four digits, I replace it with 2145.

So if they ever ask me, like, what number are you calling me from?

I'll just, you know, I know what it is.

That's my system.

them, I do 2-1-4-5

at the last four, and everything else is the same

as their number, so. Works for me.

So, watch out if you got a

2-1-4-5 number out there, because one day you

could be the victim of Carlito's shenanigans.

We have numbers in Australia

or England here as well.

Dr. Ted.

What do I do to deserve that?

You went to doctor school for four years.

Who's that? Who's calling you?

Who's this? Identify yourself.

yourself. Who dis? Oh, Dino, what's up? All good. Yeah, sure, I'm on it, man. Yes, sir,

right away, sir. See what happened because of all this? This is my new boss. He tells

me what to do. He said he's going to fire me and shit. But he was talking about Rev.

Yeah, I got to operate. I got to make Rev an operator somewhere. It's a long story.

Let's not dwell on it. Let us just do it. I don't know how to do that, man. You right

click on these cats, what do you do? Oh, man. Okay, make moderator. There we go.

I don't know what.

So how do you like in Wicked Wire?

Wicked Wire is pretty good.

I mean, it does what, with the exception is I don't have a shell.

You know the shell deal for the, whatchamacallit?

Oh, fuck.

Right, you can't.

For V-hosts, V-hosts, you know, so now people can see my domain.

They can't see my IP, but they can see my domain,

so they can kind of get a bearing on where I'm at kind of deal.

You know what I mean?

It's just not a little too close for comfort.

Other than that, it's fun.

I don't know.

I was going to offer you, I can give you shell access and an IRC if you want.

Yeah.

The only issue is that I would have to, because I'm using a Java app right now for the, not Java, yeah, Java app.

I had to figure out how to go in there.

I can do that.

How to change where it points to.

I'm pretty sure I can figure that out.

Shouldn't be too hard.

You've got elite hacks or skills.

You can figure that out.

Not really, but I'm okay.

This cigar tastes like pancake syrup.

What do you mean?

I have a cigar in my mouth.

I'm lighting it.

It tastes like pancake syrup, man.

And it's got a green wrapper.

That's unusual for a cigar.

Yeah, it's got a pancake syrup.

This is nice.

I want some pancakes now.

I might go to IHOP after the show, everybody, the after show.

You know, I haven't been to IHOP in, like, ten years.

I haven't been to IHOP since I went ten minutes after I paid and left.

Some black guy came in and held the whole place up.

Some guy got shot.

That's the last time I went to IHOP in Orlando, everybody.

True story.

Okay, you want to call Poon's Taekwondo in Australia?

Oh, yeah, sweet.

Oh, yeah, I don't know if you heard, but we're on Australia for the first time starting this weekend.

We're being played on tape, on tape delay, like 24 hours tape delay.

Yeah, so I'm going to make an announcement to these guys here that Madhouse Radio has arrived to the Australian shores.

I want that, but you can join in if you want, of course.

Let me get a song here, a little bit of songs here for everybody.

Keep playing Big Egos by Dr. Dre.

We'll be right back with the next prank call in just a moment.

I've got no class to host of them, ran with the best of them, forgave the less of them.

Hi, this is Jack.

How you doing?

Tell you that I don't play.

I'm playing taekwondo.

Oh, great.

I want to build my self-confidence to defend myself.

Okay, well, we have some classes for juniors and seniors.

through the week if you're interested in coming to have a look.

How long do you think it would take?

It depends on your ability, but three to four days.

Oh, I'm able, yeah.

Like in school, I'm able once during the gym period.

Wonderful.

Are you serious about actually coming to have a look at one of our classes?

Then please do.

I am, I am.

We hold the classes at 29 Advantage Road Hyatt.

Okay.

On Thursday evening or Saturday morning.

All right.

I know that sometimes people fight in places.

Do you do sparring there?

Yes, we do.

Thinking better, not the...

Not how to kick first.

Have you done taekwondo before?

No, no, I haven't.

Have you done any martial arts before?

I think I could in my training.

Well, first of all, we teach you how to kick and all the basics first

before you can even start to do any sparring.

Talking about this guy called Master...

I've got to take a break. It's almost midnight, my friend.

Okay.

I'll get you this

and go straight through

with the show.

I'm going to get with you

tonight,

it's probably going to be

late,

tomorrow.

No,

you're not going to get

with me.

Well,

I'm going to,

I'm not that kind of guy.

I'm not saying that,

Jesus Christ.

So defensive about your

masculinity.

I'm going to talk to you

tomorrow regarding

the server,

your dedicated server.

Probably,

not the talk show,

the team speak for sure.

We'll need that pretty soon.

Okay.

Yeah,

we'll probably get a lot

better connection than

what we're getting right now.

So I appreciate that,

man.

I'll definitely talk with

you soon,

through the weekend.

like it's i guess i mean it's gonna go to waste might as well put it to use right that's right

exercise exercise it all right bro i will catch you later ted everybody all right later big ted

later man all right i told him don't worry about it thank you everybody for uh hanging in with us

here on madhouse radio milkman you are a gay you are a gay bastard gay you're worse than michael

michael jackson milkman worse than god this cigar tastes like it's like french toast in my mouth

Like, I'm smoking French toast.

It is so awesome.

I recommend it.

I don't even know what kind of cigar this is.

I wish I knew.

It literally feels like I'm smoking breakfast, if you can imagine what I'm talking about.

Huh?

Carina?

Yeah, whatever you said.

Carina cigar.

Yeah.

What's it named?

Macarena.

There's a lot of song about it.

Hey, Macarena.

Uh, what's it say?

What's it say?

Ooh, Macarena.

Milkman, don't ever sing that song again, or you will be banned from the chat room.

I'm not the one smoking a Macarena cigar.

I'm not smoking a Macarena cigar.

I don't know what it is.

It's not a Macarena.

That sounds like a gay cigar.

That is a gay, gay cigar.

My head is itchy and smelly.

Milkman, pay attention.

Milkman, we have a request here for a prank call.

A gentleman named Chris.

He is 24, lives in Brewster, New York.

His number is blah.

He is a huge deaf music, deaf metal fan, is bisexual.

There you go.

Has a girlfriend, and she's a slut.

One time he made out with a 42-year-old, and whenever he's around, everyone avoids him because he doesn't drink.

He doesn't shower.

He also loves to drink.

We'll add something.

There you go.

Trifecta in play, everybody.

So weird sometimes, man.

You crack me up.

God bless Milkman, everybody, huh?

You got to bless.

God's got to bless the Milkman, eh?

Every time of day.

Milkman, I've got exclusive audio live right now from Dr. Lego's house.

Are you ready to hear that?

There you go.

That's all he did

All Lego Dave was shit and piss

And he sold what

40,000 copies of it or something

He's got a plaque for it

I think he sold 400,000 copies

It's not 400,000 I forgot what it was

He's got a platinum

He's got a platinum Emmy on his wall

Let's look up the gross tape real quick

And see what we're talking about

Alright Milkman

Crazy man laughing

Crazy laughing from Dr. Lego everybody

Everybody, this is off the charts, 1994, Dr. Lego and Crazy Laughing.

This is the crazy sound of Crazy Laughing.

Okay, I just zoned out there for a second.

Milkman, I do have a prank call.

I know, that's a classic Dr. Lego.

Okay, that's very great.

You think so?

Good, good.

If you say that's great, Scott, I believe you.

Hey, we got a prank call here that I want to play.

It's from the Howard Stern shows.

You ready to hear it?

Not that guy.

Anger Man.

Hey, baby, if you're looking for a hot, horny, black, white, and black number,

if you want to get off on one of our ghetto girls, press 1-

Hi, honey, how are you?

Honey.

Good, baby.

I find little orangutan bitch-

Good.

This white fucking cock!

You know I was a hot monkey pussy, don't you?

I want you to make this hot monkey pussy.

Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey!

Big fucking monkey bitch ass!

Come on, fucking give it to me!

Stick that big fuckin' dick up in this big fuckin' monkey ass.

All I know is I wanna take out this goddamn trouser, Trout!

Come on.

Stick it right in your ass, you nigga bastard!

You got my big fuckin' dick ass, don't you?

Mm-hmm.

I wanna tug on those tits and have you lick-

Lick your asshole?

Me, you fuckin' coon!

Yeah.

You can just put some nice ball bag lickin' on me.

Fuckin' little hot little nigga.

Jungle love with you.

that's about the big ass white pocket side of me yeah you want to be in me honey you want me to

give you some nigger shit on your dick come on it's going wild

wasn't that awesome wow that sounded just like zolars man that's not zolar

oh my god dude dude dude i wish you had the internets man you know what just happened

But seriously, EarthDog put up a picture of KDK on his camera,

and it freaked the hell out of me when I saw it.

I just turned around, and I see a big picture of KDK, and it scared me.

Milkman, you know what's crazy?

Let's talk about KDK for a second here.

I know there's people who listen to the show who are fans of KDK and friends of him,

and I just want to elaborate here for a second.

Milkman, did you know that KDK is, like, obsessed with his looks now,

and he says he's hot because he lost, like, I think he lost, like, 20 pounds, 15, 20 pounds or something like that?

Oh, really?

He thinks he's, like, super hot now.

Have you ever seen the pictures of KDK from the Howard Stern Show almost one year ago?

Do you really think 20 pounds, losing 20 pounds will make him attractive to women?

When he goes around, he says that he's, you know, he can get any...

He's like, he comes on the air now.

It's like this.

He's like, guys, I can get any puffy I want.

I'm KDK, and I lost 25 pounds, and I can get any puffy I want out there.

He's just, he's, like, really arrogant, and he's an ass, dude.

He's being an ass.

Um, Keith.

No, Keith and him broke up, like, years ago or something.

Yeah, but last time I heard, they were back together again.

What are you talking about?

You're high.

No, no.

Keith, KDK, Keith cheated on KDK with another woman and left him,

and then KDK wanted to kill himself for, like, three months,

and then his dad died, passed away, God bless his soul,

and he doesn't deserve any of this.

And, you know, and now KDK ended up, you know, losing weight.

Then KDK got punched in the jaw by some guy in a karaoke bar that he goes to all the time.

And he got his ass kicked, and they arrested KDK, and he got put in jail.

True story.

Isn't that crazy?

Yeah.

Crazy Dave?

I don't know.

That's a lie.

I don't know if that's true or not, man.

Don't quote me on that, everybody.

Give me a moment here.

I'm looking for something to play.

Give me a moment.

Milkman, tell the people about white power.

White power, my little boy.

So, Milkman, you're thinking about getting a laptop, I understand.

I am going to take part in our new program here.

I am a corporate scooter, and we're going to do wheels across America.

I'm going to become a scooter Mercedes reporter.

Oh, God.

Milkman has a new job, everybody, where he's going to be going around the country in his car,

having sex with random strangers in parking lots.

Everybody, that's awesome.

That's awesome.

milkman i wanted to play something for you here if you don't mind please

whatever you say bro i'm not going to play that for you what i am going to play here is a song

so that we can go ahead and move on roots we already played that at the beginning of the show

god you all right fine i didn't hear that you freaking freak you didn't even turn it on all

the other people did man all right hang on let me know oh they don't count now all our listeners

all of a sudden everybody all about me yeah remember that everybody according to milkman

Man, you people don't count, okay?

I didn't say that.

This is why I kicked Milkman off the Internet forever and ever,

because he doesn't care about the listeners.

He's a jerk.

I really didn't lose my Internet.

I just got it.

I am the king of the Internet and the king of prank calls,

and I made an executive decision to ban you from ever being on the Internet again, Milkman.

Is it not true?

Saigon says,

Sprint PCU friends air faggots plan.

What the hell is that?

I don't know what the hell is going on.

Dude, I got to take this.

I got this.

Everybody, man, all of them, they're all there, even Sean Ward.

Sean Ward's in there right now.

Yeah.

I don't know.

He's not in there.

He doesn't care about us either.

He doesn't care about us.

He's like, you don't care about us, man.

No, he's the only smart one in the book.

Yeah, I know.

Man, he's on TV and stuff now.

Imagine that.

Yeah.

Anyway, so as I was saying, we have a prank call request here.

There we go.

We have a prank call request now.

This is going to be to the bisexual guy who doesn't take showers, everybody.

his name is chris walsh and if you're in brewster stay away from him what the fuck woman

or something why are you gonna send me a number that's disconnected you stupid

i'm just here everybody real quick don't be stupid tonight with me because i have very

little patience for stupid you got that milkman i'm just kidding you're not stupid kid you're

all right bro good try good try where's dtt been everybody has anybody seen dtt lately

it was a lot of talk about sprint people like sprint people hate the at&t how do you feel

a little about Sprint. Milkman, you're a Sprint user.

What are your thoughts on the Sprint

network? Fuck Sprint. I love

my T-Mobile, bro. Okay.

I just have one thing to say real quick.

Smoke weed every day.

Okay, anyway, we're going to take a break real quick,

everybody. It's very important that, however, y'all

stay tuned to the second half of the show.

Coming up next, we have a lot of different

prank calls we're going to be doing. We have some more requests.

We have some more numbers. There we go.

That's more like it. Okay.

In the second half of Madhouse Radio.

About LIFO. LIFO.

Lifo and Fifo.

Last in and first out.

Okay.

Anyway, Milkman, when we come back, more prank calls, as I said.

Most importantly, we're going to be calling.

Here we go.

Lonesome Losers says that he found a number for a Muslim dentist.

A Muslim dentist in the U.K. who told a female patient to either cover her head with a veil or go elsewhere.

Wow.

It is real in the U.K., everybody.

his name is the underground they do dirty stuff there um omer hey anyway the the muslim dentist

name omer butt o-m-e-r omer butt very funny uh wheels i'm serious that's his name milkman he's

in lancashire england we'll call him uh we're also going to be calling michelangelo italian

restaurant in australia avanti pizza and pasta coming up as well in the second hour

or South Australia.

And finally, rounding out the top of the hour,

coming up next, Wise Guys Pizza and Pasta.

We're going to do less talk and more pranks when we come back.

I assure you we're going to do good.

Yeah, that's right, man.

So everybody, be sure to stay tuned for more Madhouse Radio in just a moment.

It is now 11.44 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, 8.44 p.m. Pacific,

and we'll be right back after this.

The weekend is almost here, everybody.

Too doggone late.

Mountain time.

The Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

Tell me 5,000 people are coming in.

Play of Madhouse Radio.

I don't know what you're going to expect from me.

Yes, I am.

You're going to like it.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

You don't talk to me like that, bitch.

I don't even know who the fuck this is.

Put your man on the phone, I said.

What are you crying for?

He died.

Someone died.

Ma'am, I have gas.

Listen.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Fuck you, fucking piece of shit!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Microphone on.

There we go.

Hey, everybody.

Madhouse Radio.

Bob.

Madhouse Radio, everybody.

Oh, man.

That's dead.

I'm killed by a deer.

Good.

That was the plan.

I didn't hear it.

I was just eating.

Look, when you ever have Cool Whip, you ever eat Cool Whip out of the can?

Yeah, man.

Good one.

Milkman's a gay.

Milkman, you suck the cock, man.

Get him up the heart.

Fag.

All right, everybody.

I'm not gonna try it.

Busted, man.

All park friends.

Right.

All right, so we're back to do some more prank calls.

Let's call, first of all, the Muslim dentist who turned down a female patient who wouldn't cover her head.

This is in England.

Dr. Butt, everybody.

Dr.

Excuse me, Dr. Butt.

Fucking.

Turkey.

Poodles, man.

Salt of the earth.

Literally.

Hey, man.

And be sexy.

Like someone else.

Well, I guess this is not going to ring, so fuck it.

We're going to have to try calling in again, aren't we?

Maybe a little quicker this time.

So, is this the Butt residence?

Is this the residence of Mohammed?

Is he a...

This is Joe America.

Is this the woman of the house?

You're not supposed to be answering the phone.

We'll give you permission to answer the phone.

Permission to answer the phone.

Are you wearing a veil right now?

Black or phone down on your private parts, please?

Speakerphone, please.

I need to talk to you directly.

I don't like the speakerphone, please.

I can't understand this.

Take me off the speakerphone phone Jesus you there now to just hang up on me need turkey right on the air

Guys guys pizza must wise guys pizza and pasta in Australia. Here we go with that. You doing this is a piece of place

Did you take out or delivery right you take an order for me, please?

six one

Nine-two phone it. I don't think it works. You want my I'll give it to you. I thought it's not gonna ring

Whereabouts do you live?

Whereabouts, my friend?

What do you mean, no?

Get the devil in me.

Get the devil in me there for a second, sorry.

Let me try to call her back.

I lost control.

Oh, my God.

I'm losing control.

I'm sorry.

This isn't taking your order.

Thank you very much.

You have to take my order by law.

She's just not going to play.

We'll call her later.

Fucking bitch.

Being yelled at, do they, milkman?

Women generally frown upon being yelled at.

I had this phase a few months ago where I thought it was cool just to go out, you know,

see women in public and yell woo at them really loud.

I thought it was a cool thing to do, but apparently it's not a cool thing to do.

You ever do that, milkman?

You ever see a woman in public and just go woo like that to her?

They like that, you know?

Women like it when men yell woo at them like that, really loud.

As loud as you can.

The next time you see a woman in public who you're attracted to,

you just from really far away you yell woo at the top of your top of your lungs as loud as i yelled

at that woman earlier and and yeah they like that it lets it makes them feel like they're wanted

women like that it's sexy that's how i met athena now i'm getting married now i'm getting married

okay we're gonna we're gonna call the go sing chinese restaurant in australia also all right

oh hang on no no no fuck that we're gonna call a vanti pizza and pasta all right let's do that

instead this is yeah joe america in australia everybody call michelangelo italian restaurant

instead then great michelangelo hello yes hi can you take my order please you take my order

for the fifth time for the fifth like to place an order first of all let me say that your phone

network here in this country or whatever it is you think it is is it's it's a it's a okay you

how can you not hear me i had the phone right up to my mouth do you hear me now this is a bunch of

The copper wires you got over here, then the phone, your phone network is caca, all right?

Sir, at what order would you like to play, sir?

Okay, what's the Italian, do you got garlic knots?

Red?

Garlic knots, canots, garlic canots.

Oh, Jesus, just sound it out with me.

You know, with you Australians, I can't understand half the shit you say.

Okay, K-N-O-T-S, can you sound it out for me?

Canot.

Oh, my God, it's a knot.

Do you know what a knot is?

I don't understand what you're saying, sir, I'm sorry.

What do you do to tie your shoes?

What do you do with your laces?

What do you do?

Can you just please repeat your order?

Garlic knots.

Knots?

We do not have garlic knots.

God.

Jesus.

God.

God!

I know you have it, okay?

You have garlic.

What do you have there?

Bread and garlic.

That's a garlic knot.

We've got a garlic focaccia, which is like a garlic and cheese pizza.

Garlic knot.

And have a garlic knot.

I know you have the knot, ma'am.

It's just a piece of bread with garlic on it.

Is that very hard for you to do?

Can't you just call it a knot and make me happy?

We have garlic bread, or we have a garlic focaccia.

What?

A what?

A focaccia?

A bread, which is like your loaf.

Oh, God.

Or you've got your focaccia, which is a garlic and cheese pizza.

You're reading off a script for me here, ma'am.

I just don't understand.

Is there a man there I can talk to?

Is there a man I can talk to, the jefe?

Yeah.

Put him on.

Stop being so loud.

I'm going to get in trouble here, being

up.

Sir?

Yes, I'm new to your country.

And first of all, I don't appreciate the fact that your phone network was built like in the 30s and it's a bunk of junk.

Number one, it's a piece of crap.

I'm sorry, you're going to have to speak up.

I can't hear you.

I don't appreciate that your phone doesn't work good.

Hello?

Do you understand what I...

Do you know what a phone is?

What do you guys call it here?

Mamberoo?

What's that?

I didn't know where that was in the problem with...

I don't even know what the hell you're saying.

Look, buddy, can you take my order because you got some woman second of all answering the phone.

You know, where I come from, we don't let women answer the phone because they mess everything up.

Okay.

Okay, so you got your pen and paper out there?

Jesus, God help me.

Sir, can you count down from three for me, please?

What would you like?

Very good.

I need garlic knots, please.

Garlic knots.

OTS, say it back.

Look, man, what do you put garlic on?

Do you have any bread and garlic?

Any bread and fucking garlic mixed together?

I had to use the F word, milkman.

I had to use the F word.

How do you use it?

I'm just in an angry mood tonight.

Someone made me very angry, Milkman, and that person will remain nameless.

Milkman, you're off of mute now.

I'm just being stupid.

I've got to stop screaming like that because women don't like it when you scream at them.

Despite what I said earlier, they actually don't like that.

Valerian.

Yeah.

How many people do we have listening in Syndicate?

Let's see.

We've got 14 listeners in Syndicate.

134 total for the night, man.

Not bad.

They have a rotisserie wall.

We also have 13, 14 listeners tonight.

looks like on the on the mouth that's pretty good too talk she's been busy too tonight and all those

listeners in australia you know i'm probably not making a good impression on the australian

community by talking so bad about their country continent of australia what the hell we should

just call this america not north america then bullshit anybody can have to find out what that

is new news says i should call them a spunk if they're in australia good good good deal

I'm going to call Adult Sensations.

Adult Sensations, they are in Western Australia.

You need what now, man?

Okay.

What's that?

Heard it here first.

Thank you for stopping the show for nothing, man.

I appreciate that, bro.

You're the best.

Couldn't do it without you, Milkman.

Couldn't do it without you.

We have live audio once again from our secret source, The Arm.

This audio is coming straight from the house of High Pitch Eric, everybody.

You know that joke isn't funny the second time around.

spunk is a compliment in australia new news says really is that so okay so we're going to call

these people spunks and adult sensations and adult shop in australia as i said before we already

explained this milkman so quit trying to explain it bro i don't appreciate the constant explanation

no need for it man you say it once to me you understand just once that's all you got to tell

me okay all right bitch eric hates fish that's right do i have that audio now now you got me

going man now you got now you're talking let's see if we got that no i don't have eric and fish

Nope. I thought I had that. I could have sworn I had that, dude. That really sucks.

I've got something here that's called High Pitch Eric Monday Night Madness.

What the hell is that?

And Milkman, stop that.

It's a pimp slut.

A pimp and then you get a slut.

Oh, nice.

Keep your pimp hands strong, yo.

So, Dale, do you have to leave?

I absolutely have to leave before I pass out.

All right, well, you know what I'll do? Dale's going to leave.

I'm going to stay on the air for another couple more minutes.

Okay, so pass the word on.

I'll play a song while Dale leaves, and I will come back and make a couple more phone calls by myself.

Yes, a lot of people out there actually, like me, have a day job.

And they have to wake up early in the morning.

Right now it's 11 o'clock.

This is like a show that High Pitch Eric did in December 11th of 2006.

That was a long time ago, wasn't it, bro?

Anyway, we have a caller.

No, I would not like to make a call.

Thank you very much.

Not on that, at least.

Lonesome Loser?

Not Lonesome Loser.

What's his face?

What's the other kid?

Here we go.

We have the audio now being sent to us from our secret source, the neck,

of High Pitch Eric being chased by Cabby, I believe it is.

I believe it was Cabby who chased him around with a fish.

You ready for that, man?

Good.

This condition is called ecthylophobia, and unfortunately, it's all too real.

High Pitch Eric, afraid of fish, exclusively on Howard TV On Demand.

Subscribe now to witness this rare condition.

Plus get over 40 shows a month, including the new series shows,

hours of classic star shows, and so much more.

Okay, well that's totally not what we were looking for

Nice try, EarthDog, you just sent us a commercial for Howard TV

You bastard

Fucking shit, anyway

Okay, we're calling Adult Sensations

People, stop interrupting me, Milkman, alright?

Keep me on track, if you don't mind, alright?

We got shit to do here

Is this Adult Sensations?

How you doing? You spunk eyes are going, my friend

This is Joe America

I was wondering if you could assist me with some questions I had

I'm having trouble using your phone, alright?

Am I coming through okay?

Can you hear me all right?

Is it perfect, or how would you rate it?

One to ten?

It's all right.

What can I do?

Shut up.

My major question here is, is Australia considered technically a country or a continent?

What's the deal exactly?

No, I don't have time.

Hey, don't fuck with me, buddy.

Just answer my questions or I'm going to get angry.

All right?

Quit.

I'm going to call Wiseguy's Pizza and Pasta back.

Maybe that'll be a real prank call.

Pizza and Pasta, Seth Melvin.

Hello, I would like to make an order, please.

Yes, I'd like to make an order, please.

You bitch.

You destroyer.

Destroyer.

Milkman, for not talking to me, I would destroy her.

So angry right now, I would destroy her, I swear to God.

Make her feel me.

Make her humble.

Would make her humble, Milkman.

Do that.

Well, Milkman, don't say nothing.

Milkman's gone.

Should we end the show, Milkman?

No, man, let's keep going.

All right, good.

So we're going to call next here, we're going to call Bojangles, Braziri, and Barr.

Ooh, Braziri.

Hey, Milkman's back, like a girl.

What's up, Milkman, you girl?

You're a woman, Milkman.

Stay on the phone, Milkman.

Don't go away.

You know what?

Officially here in Australia, you're on notice,

and I'm contemplating pulling my show from the Australian internet.

So you guys better stop fucking around with me, Australia.

Australia, stop fucking around with me, all right?

I don't know what the hell that was.

We're going to do like one or two more prank calls,

and we're out of here, Milkman, all right?

Don't give me any crap.

And you need to call me when we're done with the show

Because me and you have to have a talk about your attitude

Oh man

Well you fucked up again

I'd like to thank everybody listening to us tonight

On the extended Madhouse Radio Network

Madhouselive.com

SyndicateRadio.com

We're also on TalkShoe as well

And the Australian Radio Company

I'm dying over here

Blue Velvet Bar and Nightclub everybody

In Victoria

One moment

They want effects

Yeah, from DOS FX.

Is this the Blue Velvet?

DOS FX.

I'd like to make...

Okay, is this one of those clubs that I have to pay to get in, or can I just come in?

You can just come in, although tonight's a good night to come in.

Tomorrow's a private function.

Oh, private tomorrow.

What's the deal?

Well, tonight you can come in.

Okay, but what's going on tomorrow?

Is it a private, like, secret...

It's a private...

Yes, it's a private function.

Oh, is it a bachelor party?

No, it's not a bachelor party.

Oh, you guys have those here?

I mean, here in Australia, of course, but...

Can I get some more clarification on exactly Australia's status?

Are you a continent or a country?

Are you calling from Australia?

I'm in Australia. I'm on my American phone, actually, ma'am.

Yes, well, you know we're a country as well as a continent.

No, I'm here on business.

I know it's the country of Australia, but for some reason people say it's a continent.

I don't really recognize that, if you understand my following.

Can we help you in any other way, please?

Yeah, well, I'd just like to let you know that I don't appreciate that this country of Australia

goes around thinking it's a continent.

I've never heard of anything so

crass and rude in the face of the

United Nations, and John F. Kennedy, God bless

his soul. Hey, what is this,

mate? Well, I don't understand why you Australians

go around saying that you're a continent.

Where do you come across? You're a country, not a continent.

This isn't a continent. This is an island,

and it's a country, buddy.

Why are you ringing in that club?

Because I'm an American, and I'm

a little saucy, and I started asking

her about coming in tomorrow, and she gave me

guff because apparently no americans are allowed in your place on on friday nights or something

like that like tomorrow i don't know what you're talking about mate but um hey hey hey

listen you twit you you slag you twit you kiss me he's gone lost the patient you spunk that was

my last one he didn't let me get the last one in that fucker all right we got porkies in arlington

Huntington, Virginia? Really? Porky's? All right.

There's some pork in milk, man. You like pork in it? I do.

Yeah, buddy. Yeah, yeah, buddy.

Yeah, all right. Hang on. The last call of the night is coming right up.

Porky's is the last call of the night. Hang on, folks.

Yeah, so I'd just like to say that America, we're now the continent of America.

We're so awesome, man. We're so awesome. We're the continent of America.

How about that? How do you like them apples, huh?

Yeah, good for you. We'll kick your ass. We've tolerated you long enough.

enough. So get out of Australia. We're claiming it.

Well, good for you. And you want

the Sydney Olympics suck, too, buddy, alright?

You don't like the Sydney Olympics?

Piece of shit, that's why. The Atlanta Olympics

were 50 times better, man.

Well, I'm glad the Atlanta Olympics were...

Yeah, and what's with all these nasty-ass rabbits you got

here, huh? You're so disgusting.

Disgusting, filthy,

disgusting people. Disgusting.

And then I found out

that you used to be a penal colony.

A penal colony. You're all descendants

from thieves

thieves and rapists in australia and i'm not appreciate that my boss sent me over here to do

business with disgusting half humans like you man well if you are well i just i just got fired and

i got drunk or pissed as you guys call it which is disgusting talking about urine urine uh urine uh

wiener uh piss you know that's disgusting you know that has ammonia bacteria sir

you know keep drinking your ammonia piss water and see what's going to happen to your

generations, in about two

generations, what's going to happen? Huh?

What's going to happen, huh? You're going to have

no teeth, you're going to have a bag for

a belly, you're going to have a woman who's on the

phone, her womb is so polluted, you know?

He's done that with him. Great, that'll teach him.

That'll teach those Australians listening

to the show for the first time today.

It's time to end the show, Milkman.

man i think we have i think we're about on par with last week's show not bad at all i'd like to

thank lonesome loser first and foremost because he not only he provided us with the phone numbers

that we call tonight most of them he also did provide us with a phone card that we use for the

majority of the show thank you for funding us man yeah i mean what the guy works his ass off

during the show to get us and confirm numbers for us on top of the fact that he's actually paying

for us to do prank calls

for most of the show.

Dude, that's awesome, bro.

You're the man.

Definitely.

Yeah, he is.

He is.

All right, Milkman,

take us out of here.

Yeah, I don't want

sharp, good,

and weird bastards.

Stern.

Stern Fan Network.

SyndicateRadio.tv.

SyndicateRadio.

I apologize.

SyndicateRadio.tv.

Oh, I want to mention

Zolar is on tomorrow.

Zolar is on.

Zolar is on tomorrow

at 10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

The only time

that you should be

paying attention to

time, the superior standard time, and we, Zolar is so awesome, uh, I'll tell you, oh,

we got an announcement about Turd Burglar, but yeah, Zolar is so awesome, he doesn't

broadcast into the Mountain Time Zone, dude, fuck that, he's like, fuck Mountain, we don't

need, those are, fuck Mountain Time, fuck Mountain Time, nigga, um, Turd Burglar, here's

what, Turd Burglar got called back, um, to the barracks early, and then two nights ago,

He messaged me and told me that he's actually a brand-new father of a baby boy, a healthy baby boy.

So congratulations, turd burglar, on the birth of your son.

Oh, seriously?

He had a boy.

His baby was born.

That's a little tacky Iraqi thing.

Yeah.

No, it's an American boy, but as soon as he's done holding his baby and stuff,

I'm sure they're going to send him right over to Iraq to the green zone, he said.

Oh, yeah, man.

They never shave.

They rock.

Okay, we have that on tape.

Mark that, please.

Yeah.

We got that at 1234 a.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Milkman admitted he likes unshaven women.

Good.

That's sick.

All right.

Yeah, guys, we're out of here.

Everybody, Milkman, thanks.

Thanks, Jim Stewart.

Just say, what did you just say?

Hey, did you just say KDK?

Oh, my gosh.

What, are you fucking nuts?

You're fucking nuts, dude.

You're off the air.

Milkman's off the air for insubordination now.

How the hell are you going to say that?

Milkman, don't say that again.

What's wrong with you?

Get your head out of your ass, man.

How is that so, like, five months ago?

that please yeah yeah yeah whatever it was it was what it was and whatever that's his deal

yeah man oh yeah ted called in too hey thanks for calling in ted and as milkman said already

thank you everybody for listening all right milkman call me in about 10 minutes all right

to the cell phone if you don't mind thank you 10-4 all right good good all right good

and we're out of here all right thank you to everybody listening to us on the mouth 98.6

And we're out of here.

Catch us next week again, everybody.

SyndicateRadio.tv, MadHouseLive.com, Rookman.jizz.

Calls (16, 40 min of 1 h 50 min)

Transcript

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