2007-10-18 Show

And who plays?

What happens in America?

Well, we steamed your ass in World War II.

What do you have to say?

I never did.

And who helped you out just now?

You piss off, woman.

Don't talk to me like that.

We don't need you anyway, bitch.

God damn it.

Call me a stinky, stinky fucker.

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Gazooza.

Gazooza, everybody.

Good evening, gazooza.

It is I, Carlito, back on the air.

Thank you for having me again.

With us, I assume, is Milkman.

Milkman, what's up, bro?

How you doing?

You're dying?

That's good, man.

Awesome.

All right, Milkman's dying, everybody.

Let's hear it for Milkman dying tonight on the mouth.

98.6.

That's a no.

And we've got the rest of the crew tuning in as well on the satellite link.

What's up, guys?

Say hi.

Tuck is out there.

I see Ted also.

I see Carlito's in there, too.

Wow, Milkman, your audio really sucks.

It's like a double-edged sword, my friend.

Aw, damn.

Yeah, we're going to try to do a show tonight.

Hopefully it's decent.

Hopefully it's good.

I'm not sure if it will be, but we're trying not to let you do something here.

If you want to reach us tonight here, the toll-free line is open.

The toll-free line is 1-888-278-509.

Again, our toll-free line here tonight is 1-888-278-509.

Be sure to give us a call tonight.

As in what not, we're going to check what not here for a little while, too.

And there it is.

Man, I'm thirsty.

Milkman, I'm drinking tonight.

I'm drinking beer.

I want everybody to look at this.

who's listed on Stern Syndicate

as well as everybody watching us

on the madhouselive.com website

on the webcam.

What you see right here

is a pitcher full of warm beer

which I'll be drinking tonight

on the show right here.

I'm sure that's coming up just perfectly.

That is all beer there, folks.

I'd say that's a good 40, 50 ounces maybe.

I don't know.

So we're going to...

It's a bunch of tecate that I got at home tonight.

You can see right there in the mic as well.

So we're going to have fun.

I'm going to be drunk in about an hour, if not much sooner than that.

Just got out of work, came straight home, just ordered a drink.

Ted, what are you saying, man?

What's going on, bro?

Welcome to the moon.

Yo.

Yo, indeed, man.

Yo.

I got to meet you on the other one.

We got an echo.

There we go.

Now you're good.

And, Tuck, what's going on from the great state of Wiedestan?

What is up, Tuck?

Where are you from again?

Kentucky or Tennessee?

It's Kentucky-stan-est-see.

Kentucky-stan-est-see, whatever.

That's what it is.

The states that didn't secede, if I'm correct, those are the two states.

Well, good for you guys.

Thank you for not seceding.

That's right.

I have...

All right.

All right, Tuck.

Take it easy.

This is Anthony Papp.

Milkman, are you sick?

Milkman, what's going on with you, brother?

I'm sick for Kentucky and...

Milkman.

Milkman, are you drunk?

Are you sick?

Or what's going on with you?

Why do you sound like crap tonight?

Tell Carlito.

Tell Uncle Carlito what's going on.

I've got bronchitis.

Oh, you've got the bronchitis.

Yeah, man.

You've got the peppermint oil, man?

Oil and medication.

It's getting a little better.

Well, I hope it does, man.

Get yourself an inhaler or something.

Ah, man, you sound like crap. I gotta turn you off, man.

You gotta get to somewhere where it's quieter if you can, alright?

I'm not... I'm a little worried about Milkman, guys.

What are your thoughts, Tuck, on Milkman's condition?

He has bronchitis now, again, for the third time in two years.

He used to be... he works in a...

He has a good chicken health advisor.

Yeah, he should go to a health advisor or perhaps a medical advisor or a doctor of some sort.

Alright, guys, well...

It would be a good change of pace for him.

That's right.

The Warrior is checking in.

The Warrior has not been around for a while.

Warrior, what's up, man?

He's asking if Milkman is still on the show.

Yeah, Milkman is still on the show.

He joins us whenever he can.

He's working now nights, and he's trying to call from work.

Now, he works in like a power plant or something, and it sounds crazy, crazy loud.

All right, so don't worry.

Milkman is safe.

He's got a bit of bronchitis.

He'll kick it soon.

He'll be okay.

No need to panic.

We have a lot of numbers to prank call tonight.

We have international numbers we can do.

We have domestic numbers.

Now, if you have a suggestion for us, if you have a current call that you want us to do,

go ahead and send that in to us.

You can send that to me, Carlito, here on AOL or Yahoo Messengers.

Again, AOL on Yahoo Messengers.

If you have either of those two, AOL or Yahoo, you can reach me at Madhouse Radio.

That's Madhouse Radio on Yahoo and AOL Messengers.

If you happen to be using that gay client, MSN,

if you're one of the 12 people who are still using MSN Messenger in the United States,

the rest all being like in Europe, whatever, but yeah, you can reach us on that, madhouselive

at hauntmail.com, madhouselive at hauntmail.com, if you want to email us, just go to the webpage,

alright, if you missed all that, you can find all the links there to contact us, write us,

email us, use the request a prank, you can request a prank, you can request a prank,

we got our own forums going up this weekend too, and I thank you Tuck for helping out

with that man that's awesome all right all right ted now can you tell us what's uh what's is pcu

gone is that the deal now are you at liberty to talk about this real quickly here and clear the

air well if it was up to me i'm i'm not going to run it anymore i feel entirely unmotivated i i like

what kdk has done with his new stream i don't see any point in resurrecting the other one so kdk is

now playing stand-up comedy and prank calls i understand on his own and pcu is no no no more

You're not going to continue it.

KDK is not going to continue it.

So, effectively, PCU is not around for the time being.

I understand.

All right, so everybody heard it here first.

I don't know if you heard it here first, but you heard it here sometime.

We'll see.

I like the new stream also.

It's a pretty good content on it.

And I enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed listening to the old PC.

All right, well, good.

Yeah.

And KDK has the last laugh.

All right, good.

Anyway, moving on from that.

I've got noise-canceling headphones on, and they're very hot.

They make my ears sweat.

Oh, that creeps me.

Oh, you thought it was really KDK?

I thought KDK was in the team speak.

I was freaking out.

I'm like, oh, my God, I didn't even see him.

I am bisexual.

I'm fabulous.

That's him on the Howard Stern Show.

That's where I got that audio from.

I am bisexual, in fact.

Only KDK can put him down like that.

We have a ton of prank call requests here that have been accumulating for the last two weeks.

What do we have here?

We've got a guy.

Oh, check this out now, everybody, gentlemen, Milkman included, of course.

Let's open up Milkman's mic, see if Milkman's calling us from a quiet place yet.

Milkman, report.

This is much better.

All right, good, man.

It's good to have you back on.

All right, Milkman.

So, Milkman, you're sick, but you're feeling better, right?

I mean, is it the cold weather that did it to you?

You're in Colorado.

You went from the Virgin Islands to Colorado overnight, and apparently it's affecting you.

Yeah, I went from 82 to 62.

That's some good beer.

Yes, sir.

82 to 62.

That's not that bad.

Come on, man.

Be a man.

You can do that.

32.

Oh, 32.

It's 32 in Denver, Colorado already?

Snowing in Colorado?

It's like August still.

Yeah, dude.

Oh, it's October 18th.

Wow, it's almost Halloween.

I had no idea it was this late in the year, dude.

It's almost Halloween and stuff.

Wow.

That's your birthday, too.

Yeah, Halloween's, uh, Milkman's born on Halloween, everybody.

October 31st, Milkman's birthday.

All right.

Okay, hey, the warrior says what's up, man, just to let you know, okay?

Okay, Milkman, whatever you say.

You take it away, man.

Keep on rocking over there.

Okay, now check this out, Ted.

I wanted you to hear this.

We have a guy who's been sent in.

His name is Victor, okay?

And he's a very weird guy and a mama's boy.

He's afraid of women, and he took a crap.

When he takes craps in the toilet, instead of flushing them down,

he throws them in the garbage can.

And they say here that he went to the mall once with this guy,

and he took a crap in a public bathroom,

ended up picking it out with a bunch of toilet paper,

and then he threw it in the garbage at the mall.

That's exactly what the email says.

That's kind of creepy.

The guy has a thing for...

I don't know what that is, but that's kind of weird.

It is bizarre.

What fear does he have of his turds going down the toilet system?

Do you think he's afraid they're going to come back?

that he has to make sure they go in the trash.

It sounds like some weird kid thing.

Maybe his parents abused him with his caca, you know.

He might have been abused when he was not being potty trained.

You know, I think when he was being potty trained.

I read about a Japanese toilet that does this.

It puts it in the garbage?

It captures your poop.

It captures your poop inside of some kind of container.

So it's not, yeah, it doesn't go down into the sewer.

it collects in some airtight container

built into the toilet

so you can throw your poo in the trash

I don't know

those Japanese are into some weird stuff

I used to get the Japanese

Milkman is half Japanese

that's a true story

I'm not joking around

I used to have satellite TV

like the old style big ass

dish in the back of your house

satellite tv and i used to watch the japanese on news feeds and the channels and they have some

weird stuff that they do on those channels i mean they do some weird games and it's kind of grotesque

i mean they were they were doing stuff that was like beyond fear factor back in the 80s it was

insane those guys are really really weird those japanese are in some weird stuff but whatever

whatever man it's here for the japanese is a great race anyway so this guy's name is victor

and he lives in i think he's canadian is he no he's in new york okay all right good he's he's a

young guy he says he's in his 30s but he's in his 30s too wow that's really messed up and he's

sowing his shits into the garbage can in the mall he did this i wish i knew i emailed the guy back

and say hey man what's the name of the mall you know because i could say hey i'm calling from the

mall but i'm going to try to mess around with him a little bit here and uh this one i don't

know what to do hang on we'll play this first of all that's that's milkman uh right there and

we're gonna go ahead and do the first prank call of the night just a moment here everybody

because if you give it to me now it's gonna go out to like a bunch of people live on here

put to me now because it's gonna go out over the air if you give it to me now oh no um he's not

home oh he's not home okay everybody will hate things man all right no doubt bye yeah that was

an odd change to prank call there oh sorry he's not here oh okay thank you thank you kind sir i

I've got to take another sip of beer.

I want to thank Lonesome Loser for being in the chat room.

Also, Lonesome Loser is hooking us up with some numbers, man.

What's going on, brother?

We have Texas Tavern, McDonald's, Burger King, Subway, Sammichus.

We've got a Denny's.

We have Anthony Francis Flannery.

That's in Ireland.

All right, good.

And we also have Una Marie O'Hara in Ireland.

Hey, have you guys ever called Ireland, Ted or Tuck?

We've done prank calls to Ireland here before.

Before I'm asking, have you two ever prank called Ireland?

It's a very fun time.

They get really angry really easily.

No.

No, I haven't.

Well, Ted, I'll save those two numbers for you if you want to.

Can they hear us on the call?

No, no, no.

Can you call in for those?

Yeah, you can.

I think I have an international card that came in from Nunu.

I'm not sure.

I'm sure we can figure out how to call Ireland.

I should be able to.

I can do Skype.

Oh, that's right.

You've got the Skype phone.

I really need to get that.

I don't know if my bandwidth can handle it doing a show with Skype at the same time.

I'm going to have to do a stress test on it before I made it official.

You know, it's going to take some time to figure it out.

So there it is.

Yeah, Ted, yeah, call in, man, if you want.

I'll just call you later.

Okay, all right, good.

We'll wait on that.

Let me look at what other numbers you might have here also.

That's what we have from Lonesome Loser.

Thank you, Lonesome.

Thank you, man.

We've got more numbers as well here, more requests.

Let's see.

We've got a guy who, like I said before, he does cell phone repairs for Verizon.

Verizon, and he sends those in periodically with, like, leads for us, you know,

leads for people who look kind of crazy and would be good at prank calls,

so we might try those in a little bit.

This one here is from I'm a Porn Director is what he calls himself.

This is the guy at the Verizon cell phone repair.

He gives me a phone number of a very hot, young, and sexy girl named May,

and I guess she has naked pictures of her and another girl making out,

so that's pretty interesting right there.

I've got something to run with that.

Hang on a moment.

Let me connect the call here.

All right, Ted, here you are.

What's up?

Make sure your phone's working here.

Good.

We got a good what up.

Let me go ahead and copy and paste that number for you.

Someone saying what's up from Des Moines, Iowa, it looks like.

All right, well, what's up, Des Moines?

Good to have you on the mouth, Des Moines.

Yeah, everybody, like I said, you're listening to us on syndicate radio.tv.

Syndicate radio.tv.

Thank you, Dino, Zola, and everyone over there.

Thank you for carrying us tonight, man.

That was cool.

We've got Saigon in the house over there.

Matt Roberts.

Matt Robertson's in the house.

Earth Dog.

Lonesome Loser, of course.

Froggy.

G-Wiz or Gwit, my bad.

Mrs. Dark Jedi, she's around.

Psychic Chuck, what's up, man?

We already said Lego.

We already said Dino, my bad.

I confused my Dino and my Legos.

They rhyme.

People, all those guys.

And, of course, everybody in the Madhouse stream as well for having us there.

I have myself there.

Great. I see Tuck's in there. The Warrior, of course, hooking us up.

MSG3 Clay, what's up, man? Good to see a fellow diabetic keeping it real for us.

Baz is in there, longtime listener of Baz, longtime fan of the show Repo as well.

Nunu's in the house over there, too.

So we've got a good group of people out there listening live tonight.

We've got a lot of people talking to us from the website directly.

We've got a gentleman here. Ted said that the last show that we did was incredible.

He said we're excellent together and says our shows keep getting better.

So there you go, Ted. A compliment to you, man. Good for you, man.

Do you know what?

Ted gets the gold star of the night already.

Good work, Ted.

Hey, gold star.

Well, you get one now.

We got someone here named Nam who said...

Can you tell me something?

Say it, Ted.

No, not yet.

I'm just talking to the kids.

You know, all the kids.

You got to say hi, what's up, to the kids real quick.

And I take care of your children first.

You know what I mean?

Your children.

All right, let me give you here.

Oh, we got another one.

So here are our three targets in Ireland for next.

We've got Anthony Francis Flannery.

We've got the Una Marie O'Hara.

That looks like a restaurant.

And we have Alan King.

All of these gentlemen in Ireland.

Nunu says to ask people in Ireland if they're Protestant or Catholic.

They're going to love that, man.

That's awesome.

Good idea, good idea.

Okay, Ted, I sent it to you via IRC.

If that works for you, I can also send it to you on AM, whatever's best for you, my friend.

Okay, there you go.

You think that's like an Italian restaurant?

First style Italian?

I think they're trying in some way, in some way.

Someone's asking how you're doing on those rascal scooters, bro.

What's going on with the rascal scooters?

One of them is England.

There's two Irish ones.

You just did one in Ireland, and there's one more.

Anthony Francis Flanner is the other Irish one.

I mean, maybe it's interpreting the number wrong.

They just say that it's in Ireland.

You actually have to pick it first?

And now it thinks it's in Ireland.

How do you dial that?

No, I can do it.

Let me see if I can do it.

The number starts with 4-4, which tells you it's a UK number.

It probably is the same zone, man.

If you dial it as a UK number, I'm sure it'll go through still.

So, it's not? It's not working?

Let me give it one more.

See, when I pay her, it changes it to, says it's, you can probably say it's an island.

Whoever sent this number says it's an island.

Is this flattering?

Who's that?

No.

Where are you from?

So, you're a nice little dude, are you?

Do you have forgotten me?

Oh, yeah.

It's like, oh, I see. My bad.

I didn't mean it.

I was doing because Green Kip Rowling is an island of the UK.

Yeah, I was actually pasting in.

I thought I was just pasting in.

I was like, why is it not going through?

I wasn't hitting enter.

I guess it pasted automatically.

That's what Nunu said.

That he calls us wankers, apparently.

Yeah, I guess so officially, Ireland isn't its own country.

It's a part of the UK, right?

They're just kind of like a conglomerate of the UK or something?

A small business unit of the UK?

Is there a dead cat outside?

The era was over, and it better not be starting again.

Nah, yeah.

Maybe he...

Are you sure he moved out?

Or he didn't just die inside the place?

Call him an ass.

Do you?

Yeah, call him an ass.

Where's that smile?

That motherfucker's smile.

He says now...

Yeah, he says that the UK now owns Northern Ireland.

Wow, they own it, man.

mean own it i'm all right you know the indians didn't have a word for the word a word phone

didn't have a word that meant own new new and you british people we have subway sandwiches you know

i have a subway i'm going to give them a call right now and and let my grandpa excited about

leto on the line here doing a call to subway sandwiches uh this one is in texas so we're

going to complain to them one moment if i hit the switch like the ass one said i had to get

alive on the internet that fucking sucks i think i'm gonna end the show now man it's over show's

over, boys, the subway now, man, I have a breakfast sub this week, those bastards, they're

against me, they're trying to ruin me, trying to ruin me, I'm gonna, you know what, I got

another grab with Denny's, Denny's instead, hang on, Denny's, okay, they wanted you to

explain something to me, I just, a friend of mine in there, he took one look at the menu

and was disgusted by what he found, when did you guys stop serving the breakfast Dagwood

sandwich, well, can you guys make one for me special, please, yes, look, breakfast Dagwood,

All right, it's coming.

The Breakfast Dagwood, it has all the groups.

Cheese group, meat group.

I sent my old man in there today, and guess what happened?

He said, they don't have any anymore.

And I asked the woman, and the woman said, no, we don't have the Breakfast Dagwood.

We got rid of it because it was dangerous.

What's so dangerous about it?

What happened to the Breakfast Dagwood?

Anybody coming in this evening asking for it, maybe they didn't come into this location.

Well, whatever it is, you guys don't either.

The lady at the other Denny's got kind of rude with me.

So tell me the reason why getting rid of the best sandwich in the history of man.

Corporate.

Are you guys trading publicly?

I'm going to check my portfolio.

And if I have one single measly share of your substandard stock,

I'm going to divest myself from it so quickly that I think your company might not survive if I sell all my stock.

How would you like that?

How would you like that, huh?

Where are you going to go next?

Where are you going to go?

Very good, sir.

Your orders at the Waffle House, huh?

Yeah.

I want you to yell out real quick.

One large hash brown covered smothered in dice.

Go ahead.

Because Denny's, your Denny's that you're at right now, is going to be closed, out of business for sale, foreclosed on the mortgage.

You know why?

Because you dare.

You dare get rid of my sandwich.

My Dagwood sandwich.

My Dagwood.

You know I dropped out of college because of that sandwich?

sandwich forced me to drop out

out of college, it forced me to not recognize my marriage anymore, and I shunned my daughter

10 years because of that sandwich and what it did to me. And this is how you repay me.

This is how you repay me. Thank you. Thank you. You know, when God comes on Judgment

Day, how do you know he's not going to ask for a Dagwa sandwich? And what would you say

to God? What would you say? You tell me. No, I'm sorry. Corporate got rid of it. Corporate

might have said, get rid of it, but you should have stood up and said, I'm an employee

eat Denny's, and when Mr. Denny was alive, he would have expected us to stand up and

say, no, we're going to keep the breakfast Dagwood sandwich, because one day, Jack Valente

is going to call in and want that Dagwood sandwich, because he dropped out of school,

he put a lien on his house for the Dagwood sandwich, he did so much for the Dagwood sandwich,

and what's going on now with the Dagwood, oh, no, we decided not to, can you at least

sell me the recipe do you still have the card there that showed you how to make it could you

at least give me that sir i don't because like i said that in four years at least are you a cook

with denny's 20 years so you remember that did you do you talk talk to me like a man

sit down like men we're gonna talk you and me like men now and you're gonna tell me

what is your fondest memory of the breakfast that was a woman a woman or mr moved up to a

different segment of the service industry yet because most people use denny's as the stepping

Heppingstone.

Insurance there?

The 401k.

For me to give you the corporate numbers so you can call them.

Well, what's a contact name over there?

There's no certain person.

Would you pull your pants down and tell me and say, take me home, Jesus?

Well, I think this conversation is over, my friend.

All right, sir.

Bye-bye.

That gentleman.

What a gentleman, that person right there, man.

Ted.

Place a call.

Place a call, Ted.

I'm going to call Subway while you do that.

About you.

Pressed wine.

Where's the set now?

And Zolar is on tomorrow.

On tomorrow, 10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time on Syndicate Radio.

That's my one of two plugs for the night.

Krishna General Store.

That's like God General Store down here.

Someone says to do a Bubba Johnson call to India if you can.

They're not answering, are they?

Can you call Baghdad?

It's Hussein.

There's a man.

It's a very extreme presence there is the Burger King.

Here sucks.

Gotta be in for something.

Green Zone.

The Green Zone.

Seriously?

Wait, Baghdad International.

Yeah, that's where it's at.

The airport.

The airport, the base is the actual international airport.

They turned it into a base, dude.

No phone number.

Oh, fuck, really?

It's gotta be phone.

It's gotta be phone in Baghdad, man.

I know we had found them before.

Wait, there's a...

Is there?

They got a food court there, I'm sure, man.

Corporated out that whole airport there.

It's crazy.

This is weird because they have marked Iraq, like, where these places are not, like, there's

no yellow pages in Iraq.

Okay, here's a number.

I've got the Affairs, Karadat, Office.

Want some loser sent you a number in Iraq?

All right.

Jesse A. Bond in England.

All right, let's do it.

It sounds like Karnak over here, doesn't it?

Jesse A. Bond.

The same way, man.

That's too really bad.

Yeah, dial it if you could, but I'll try it.

I'll do better with the wake-up call.

Hello, I was supposed to join us tonight.

He didn't make it.

Hello, Mr. Windsor.

How are you, my good son, my friend, my child?

How are you, my friend?

Oh, just forget it.

Good morning to you.

How are you?

Good morning.

He said.

Yeah, he said.

No, just forget it.

Call him.

You can't get so.

Minister.

I sent you two numbers in Baghdad, by the way.

Minister of Foreign Affairs, Republic of Iraq.

Yeah, right.

Mr. Windsor, please.

I'm not giving it up.

I'm not forgetting about it.

I'm here.

phone you take that one up man the Walter Cronkite I wanted to talk yes I wanted to talk

to you about the apartment thing up there I swear I'm going to a moment tough Ted I'm not I'm not

joking around that's just this is a tough one people who are awake yeah let's do that call

McDonald's and you and you we'll see what happens yeah can you call the another McDonald's I got

two McDonald's here you want to call one I call the other okay yes and in Baghdad all right let's

call Baghdad real quickly Baghdad everybody Baghdad on the

Sorry, the number you have called is centrally out of service.

I bet it is.

Because a suicide bomber put down the phone.

Due to suicide bombings, the telephone number you're trying to call cannot be reached at this time.

Well, that was Iraq, everybody.

We have one more.

What was that other one?

The infrastructure is doing real well there, apparently.

Yeah, great.

Cracker Jack phone network they have over there.

Better than Australia, but still.

Minister of Foreign Affairs.

The Minister of Foreign Affairs.

I'm going to tell him I'm planning my honeymoon again.

Yeah, let's do that.

Or we're going to open up a call to Japanese investors.

It's Arabic for zero.

Yeah, zero over there is opposite.

Zero is like, you know, zero is you eat pork.

Bracing your call now.

And the show is going somewhere, but it's not good.

Yeah, the circuits are now busy in Baghdad now.

Wait a little bit for the Baghdad line to free up.

Which, Ted, you reminded me, my child.

Thank you.

Something happened.

I forgot what it is now, though.

What was it?

That you forgot.

Yeah, the Dojo, Vermont.

I hear audio here from George W. Bush laughing about the possibility of being a World War III.

I'm not kidding you.

Hang on, let me pull that up.

Thank you, everybody who's listening.

I know it's a slow show tonight.

We're trying.

We had a decent call to Denny's.

The numbers are coming in slowly, but Lonesome Loser, I'm sure, is working hard.

Getting us some numbers here to prank call.

If you have any you want us to do, let us know.

I did have a request from somebody here.

Let me take a look and see who's blinking.

Stephen R. wants to call in, Ted.

Oh, no.

Yeah, so, yeah, Stephen R., if you want to, look, we can interview Stephen R.

That'd be interesting.

We have the Oil Projects Company in Baghdad, Iraq, also here.

The Warrior.

Try that.

Nunu is just telling us that make some hotel or restaurant bookings for the Queen Mother.

Yeah, we did that before.

That's funny.

Ha ha funny.

Let me call the McDonald's now, all right?

This McDonald's is in Dumas, Texas.

D-U-M-A-S.

Dumbass, Texas.

You remember that commercial where the guy's interviewing with Mr. Dumas?

He's like, yes, Mr. Dumbass, I think I'd be a great asset for your company, Mr. Dumbass.

I remember that.

Yeah, the name is Dumas.

George W. Bush, and he's taken so non-seriously even by the press now.

I'm hoping this is it.

There was a video of him making a statement.

You know, he was doing a press conference today.

And the White House press room says, you know, the reasons for him being against Korea, North Korea,

and Iran going nuclear is because he's trying to avoid World War III.

And then I think, then he gets upset at the reporters asking him questions,

and he actually gets kind of rude and retarded.

It's almost like you can't take this guy seriously.

I don't see the link to the video now.

It was up here earlier.

Let me see if this is it right here.

Here we go.

Okay, go ahead and play that then.

We've got a Burkina Dubai.

Burkina Dubai.

Oh, Dubai's a good country from what I understand.

It's a good place to visit.

They've got a huge indoor ski slope.

Those guys do everything big.

I mean, they're like, yeah, everything that is in Dubai is, like, done big and huge.

And then also, let's remind the people listening to us on Syndicate Radio.tv.

Syndicate Radio, what's up, everybody?

Keep in mind, Dino and all of you, I was trying to get a hold through Zolar of some of you guys,

because we need to get moving on your podcast.

Anyway, here's the audit that I wanted to play, everybody.

White House correspondent David Gregory has more on this.

David, what can you tell us?

Well, hi, Matt.

As you know, diplomatic efforts to force Tehran to abandon its nuclear weapons program,

its nuclear program in general, has not worked.

And so the president is raising the stakes.

At the White House, the president warned wavering allies that Iran must be stopped before it's too late.

So I told people that if you're interested in avoiding World War III,

it seems like you ought to be interested in preventing them from having the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon.

The president again cited Iran's warning to destroy Israel, but refused to say whether he would support an Israeli preemptive strike on an Iranian nuclear program, a move Israel apparently took against Syria last month.

David, I'm not going to comment on the subject that you're trying to get me to comment on.

Yeah, this isn't the audio I'm looking for.

The audio that I had was him actually arguing because I keep asking.

Now, apparently Israel did a preemptive strike on a nuclear site in Syria.

And I heard about it.

It was rumored to have come out about a week after it happened.

And I said, huh, that's interesting.

Actually, Andy, a co-host of the show, was telling me about that.

And sure enough, now it's big news.

Apparently Israel took action.

They did a preemptive strike on a nuclear site that they claimed was in the very early stages.

It wasn't even nuclear at all at that point.

And it was using technology and plans from North Korea, apparently.

So now we have these people saying that World War III is going to happen.

We're going to end up invading Iran, Ted, I believe.

I really think it's going to happen.

It's going to suck.

We just need to get George Bush up there.

Teach him?

I don't know. I don't think people have the balls to do that right now.

We don't need a World War III.

We don't need to be talking about World War III.

Why does everything have to be a war?

Like, today I was reading three sentences.

Like, I read an article.

War on global warming.

War on poor education.

Everything's a war on something.

The war on drugs, the war on poverty, the war on illiteracy, blah, blah, blah.

that. Yeah, I'm watching here, I'm looking at

a picture of the, uh, poster for

the new Rambo movie. Uh, that's, uh,

it's gonna be called Simply Rambo.

That's all it's gonna be called. Comes out January 25th.

Be interested to see how Johnny Rambo

Was it his name, Johnny? Johnny Rambo, right?

Yeah. It'll be interesting to see how Johnny

Rambo handles the, uh, the 2000s.

Whatever happened, you remember, you know, and let me

stop the music here, Ted, if you could please stop

the music for me. Or Milkman's stopping.

Um, he's the 90s. What are you gonna

call the 2000s? Are they gonna call them the

the K's or whatever, you know.

And no one ever really,

that never really got resolved, did it?

No, no one solved the problem.

Yeah, people just kind of stopped,

yeah, people stopped referring to stuff like,

you know, the 90s.

What are they going to say in 2010?

In 2010, people are going to have to,

you know, refer to something.

Just the O's, the 07, the O,

because then what happens when we get back

to the 20s and the 30s?

What will happen when it's the 2040s?

What are we going to call the 1940s?

Just the 1940s?

What did they call the 19...

The teens, I think.

I don't know.

No, they usually just say the date.

They'll say, like, you know, 1913.

Nothing ever happened back then.

What happened?

The Titanic sank in 1913, and that's about it.

What the hell is that?

Burger King in Dubai.

Oh, cool.

The Burger King in Dubai.

Dude, I'm wasted.

I'm drunk.

Hello, good morning.

Welcome to XC.

Hi, good morning.

Good morning, sir.

How?

Employment?

Yes, sir.

In Burger King.

You need to go straight here.

You need to go to the head of this concert.

We have eyes.

Hello, sir.

Do you have sausage, uh, sausage biscuit breakfast?

Sausage, uh, sausage.

have you ever

listened to

listen to

yes sir

how we're hungry

when you talk about it

return to the phone line

yeah

I'm also hearing that

Lama Gilishi.

Ishi.

Sir.

Okay, good.

That was a good moment, man.

We made peace with Dubai.

They call Palestine.

Do some good work there, you know?

This is a beautiful time here where we were able to talk to people with so many differences here tonight.

We all eat bacon burgers, we found out tonight.

All right.

Yeah.

Bacon burger.

It's not halal.

Oh, number one.

People love to call people as Biggie Smalls.

With the Jack Magic.

Look at the Jack Masterson voice.

That'd be great.

What a noble one.

Was it really?

That's not bad.

I'll give you some money, dude.

We need to...

Don't worry, Abbey Hotel.

Okay, can I call the...

Abbey Hotel.

The Abbey Hotel.

Everybody, you're listening to Madhouse Radio.

The lines are not open right now, but they will be later.

And the toll-free line will be 1-888-278-8509.

That's right.

Like, these British ones, they're kind of...

Yeah, they're kind of calming, aren't they?

They're there.

Angry

person, Ted.

Yeah, man, I've been getting angry at work.

All the people today, co-workers, I told them to stop being stupid.

They're being stupid.

There's a bunch of kids that are being stupid.

Hey, hey, there's a Pizza Hut in Australia.

That's wow-ing, wow-ing.

All right, good.

We're good to call on some losers' numbers.

So that's one right there.

Okay, this is Tasmania, everybody.

All right.

I love how Australia was a pretty good nation.

We're sitting in some pizza fries.

What are your specialties, sir?

I like pizza fries.

What are your specialties today, sir?

What are your specialties?

I like barbecue.

Do you have sauce on it?

You say, what is it again?

You said,

The enemy here, everybody.

Stand by.

We're calling Tehran.

Iran, everybody.

Hi.

I'm Tehran.

I'm a friend.

All right, Ted, hit zero.

I think it's ready.

Ted hit zero.

Country of Iran. Hotel.

And the chairman says, that's not a knife.

That's not a knife. This is a knife.

Look at this. It's a knife.

On The Simpsons when they do that and the guy pulls out a spoon.

Yeah, I want a pizza.

I'll pick it up.

I have what sort of pizza? Yeah, we don't have any of that, sorry.

Can you just hold on for a sec?

Remember it started and it was like...

Tensors, man.

Get the tensors.

Jason speaking.

Yeah, what up, Jason?

Pick up?

Yeah.

Delivery.

Yeah, and what sort of pizza would you like?

Pizza?

Yeah, and what would you like on it?

I want...

Yeah.

Okra.

Yeah, so we don't have any of that stuff.

You got this.

Ham, bacon, chicken, beef, onion, tomato, pepperoni, pool.

These are all the kinds of food, right?

Yeah.

This last three that you just said.

Yeah, so we don't have any of those toppings.

They do in America, but it's not in Australia yet.

An Australian accent.

He's all like,

I'm a brand petrochemical company.

It's too bad they're not answering.

It would be great to bring these people in.

Who else can we call in a troubled part of the country,

of the world?

Is there a trouble that we can call?

I sent you some more numbers for.

Warrior sent me some more numbers here for Iraq.

It's best to talk to an Iraqi person.

I would definitely send you some collateral, Ted,

if it was expensive, you know.

Let me know if these calls we've done tonight,

they come out to a lot of money.

Let me know and I'll help you out, okay?

And I want you to be paying.

He reports that it's storming bad where he lives, and he's in trouble.

Well, we're sorry, Tuck.

We hope you're okay.

Take it easy.

Relax, Tuck.

Get yourself some lemonade and relax.

And don't go outside during a tornado.

You go inside into your cellar or a portable life raft.

Just ride it out.

Stephen R., I have to not be on the phone for you.

You want Stephen R. to call in?

Really?

I would like to talk to Stephen, Stephener.

I want to give him a chance.

Okay.

All right.

Maybe he left.

It's late for him.

He's got school and stuff.

That kid's got problems, though, man.

If you're still listening, call in, man.

Let us know.

Give us the hi sign, and we'll let you on.

Yeah, well, maybe we can let some other people call in, too, you know.

Go back to team speaking, and, yeah, we'll take a break, too.

It's kind of break time now.

I'm going to come back.

Let's take a break here.

We'll see you over there, Ted.

All right, so Ted will be back in a second here.

That's loud.

Okay, good.

Everybody, we're having an okay show tonight.

We're calling a lot of international locations.

communications not a lot of them are working but we're trying we did talk to dubai that's the

closest we can get i think we've taken a mission tonight to try to bring uh some kind of sense to

all this war that there is in the world and troubled parts of the world but unfortunately

none of them seem to be answering in any anywhere that's especially violent with the exception of

um what's it called dubai that's not really violent there they're pretty they're pretty

white over there if you want to join us now is the time the toll-free line is open the toll-free

The toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

Again, you can reach us here tonight.

1-888-278-8509.

That is the Madhouse toll-free line for the United States and Canada,

with the exception of British Columbia.

There's still a band.

Tuck, what the hell are you doing over there, man?

Is that a tornado?

Wow.

We just heard live.

Yeah, man.

I pretty much had highways, trees gathered down, and everything over here.

Well, that's crazy, man.

I hope you're safe.

At least you have electricity still.

You must be okay.

Yeah, we're all right.

All right, good.

Well, please listen to the emergency alert system.

If it goes off, you know what to do, okay?

Yeah.

Good.

We've got the...

In Lebanon.

Hey, there we go.

Beirut, Lebanon here, Ted.

Is Ted even...

I think Ted has his mic turned off or something.

Any idea what's going on with Ted?

Is he not...

There we go, Ted.

I turned him back on.

I thought he was muted earlier.

I muted you when you were muting yourself.

You confused me.

I don't realize what the symbols are exactly.

Anyway, we have a Dunkin' Donuts here in Oak Park, Michigan.

An Indian woman answered at 1141 p.m.

We're going to do this call here real quickly while we set up for a break.

Again, if you want to call us before we take our break or afterwards or during the break, whatever it is, we'll put you on hold.

You can reach us here at toll-free 1-888-278-8509.

Please join us here tonight.

Nice to have you on board.

And, of course, also you can go to madhouselive.com as always and check out the information there.

and you can also go to 98.6themouth.com

98.6

Mouth

Here comes that Dunkin' Donuts, just a moment everybody

Yeah

Wow, that's bad sounding right there

Now fresh like your mom, right?

No, it's like your sister

Fuck your mom

Oh yeah, come over here, I'm gonna show you

You wanna talk to your mom?

Fuck you, bitch, motherfucker

Fuck you, stupid

That was great, dude

I'm gonna try to call him again

Hello, hey asshole. Why'd you hang up on me? Hello? Yeah. Hey, yeah, someone just said the f-word to me

Yes, and you and you are your mom my mom. Yeah, she's right here. I'm down here

I'll show you my mother fuck you. That's fine. I'll punch you

Come down here. I'll show you he'll be fucking over time. You get a little cock sucking bitch

If you're in a faggot, you wouldn't call this later. Fuck. Hey, you don't talk to my boy like that

Yeah, I'll choke you. I'll choke you. What'd you say? I said you don't talk to my boy like that. You know what you sound like? Yeah. You sound like a bitch that just finished getting fucked in the ass. Your mom did. No, that's not right, man. I'll elbow you in the throat. It was your mom. You sound like a white trash. You sound like a white bitch. I'll take your thorax and I'll wrap it around your skull. How would you like that? How would you like that? Your thorax around your skull, buddy.

that's andy 2006 hostel donut man part one what's going on girl questions now do you still

have any donuts how fresh are they when were they last many time do you make the donuts there

exactly love of god did you leave just sat there it was awkward silence for like a minute it's

kind of awkward as hell do i sound like a jerk person okay well you don't sound mean i mean you

You didn't get upset that I was talking, right?

We're still cool?

Yes.

So, yeah, how fresh are the donuts?

How would you like?

I just like glaze, and I like, you know, the one with cherry inside of it?

We don't have a cherry anymore.

Cherry?

We have glaze.

Girl, you don't have the cherry no more?

Toilet paper?

You got any toilet paper?

Okay.

Girls, too.

I like it because I can't hear what you're saying.

I like black.

I'm sorry.

You're chopping up.

I like African-American women.

Type it in the PM.

Yeah.

I'm sassy.

Sassy.

you sound sassy are you sassy are you sassy are you sassy my what sassy you're not sassy

don't mind it that's all right huge like how many inches like 48 inches 48 inches around 48

okay or what 44 inches you think to me not 56 you're 56 inches girl for real i don't usually

get down like that but there was one she was talking back to you no she liked you that she

She couldn't get on top or nothing.

The storm's getting ready to hit me.

She couldn't get on top or nothing.

Hold on, okay?

All right.

Warrior.

Show you like a clothesline.

I still use clotheslines out there.

I bet you Milkman has a clothesline in his hotel room.

It's a sissy black.

Pressure your guts and don't take it serious.

Your sugar, da, da, da.

Gonna get next to you.

Yeah.

Pressure it like an hour.

You got glaze?

Glaze done.

It's 15 minutes old.

This is a canola oil blend.

This is shortening.

What do you use to bake, to cook the donuts?

I can't come in because I can only make...

Do you want me to deliver it for you?

No, I'm coming in.

I have questions before.

Do you wash your hands?

Do you make the donuts?

What are we going to do for you?

Just shut your mouth now.

Hey, no, no, no, no, no.

We don't talk like that on the phone because...

Why do you talk to me like that?

Do you want the truth?

Duncan Donut Jr. III.

Duncan Donut Jr. S.

That's correct.

Correct, and we're here in corporate now, and we're doing secret calls.

And guess what happened?

Could have cruised for the whole staff, the corporate staff out there to run it.

Three days, and you guys were going to get a cruise wherever you wanted, but guess what happened?

You had to mess up and be mean to me.

My grandfather sacrificed so much for you to get that paycheck, and look at what you did.

You know what's going to happen now?

Closed.

That's it.

Really?

That's it.

That's fine.

Can you make the announcement, please, to everybody there?

Dunkin' Donuts is closing in ten minutes.

Please return.

Please make all your final selections.

Say, please make all your final selections.

Have gotten an F score and a secret call.

Now close.

Say it.

Yeah, say it.

Yes, please.

We got an F score on our call.

We already closed.

They might as well call back.

No, you're supposed to tell them or you're going to get an F minus.

Okay, give me an F minus.

Well, look, I'm writing it down now.

F-minus.

Shaquina.

Why my name got to be Shaquina?

Because that's what it says here in my information.

Shaquina?

Yes.

No, my name is not Shaquina.

Are you Erethra?

No.

Latrina?

Chakazulu?

Latte.

You ever known a girl named Kenya?

Yeah, I know her, too.

She told me to give you a call.

I'm just playing.

I'm off work.

No.

Okay.

I'm not working.

All right, so you were on the air, and you won a cruise for the whole staff.

Yeah.

Woo.

Yeah.

Big deal.

Goodbye.

All right, that was the calm.

Thank you.

Yeah, that was the calm.

That was the queen, everybody.

Oh, man.

That was fun.

Let me take you kids off of mute.

Take you off of mute, son.

Taz back on here.

Yeah.

The warrior's back on.

The tuck is back on, I hope, if he's not blown away.

And the baz is back on.

Everybody's here.

Let's turn the milkman back on, too.

Sissy, sissy, wins.

Sissy wins.

The sissy, sissy milkman, are you there, sir?

No milkman.

All right, well, maybe he'll be back.

We're going to take a break, everybody.

It's been a good show now.

Actually, that kind of lifted my spirit, you know?

Gave me a little spirit lift there, and I'm feeling it now.

I'm feeling a spirit.

Hey, Milkman, shut up.

Shut up.

Shut up, Milkman.

Shut up.

Shut the fuck up.

Anyway, like I said before, if you're going to reach us here, go over to madhouselive.com.

Check out the information on how to reach us tonight.

Do that, won't you, please?

You can also call in 1-888-278-8509.

Again, our toll-free line here is 1-888-278-8509.

Go to madhouselive.com and understand what it is that we stand for here tonight

and why we believe in the 28th Amendment of the United States Constitution.

Find out right there.

Keep us on the air.

Dr. Lego has threatened to cancel us off the air again.

He's threatening to bring us down.

And I challenge you, Dr. Lego, to the octagon right now.

Right now.

I made that statement.

I have challenged Dr. Lego to the octagon.

Bring it down.

Bring it down, Dr. Lego. You're going down, sucker. You're going down.

It's time you understand that I am the true king of prank calls.

I am the true king of Thursday nights.

It's Carlito. You're beneath me. I will love you, Dr. Lego.

I'm coming for you, Dr. Lego.

I will destroy you like I've destroyed so many others.

We'll be right back after this. Madhouse Radio.

It's 1155 Thursday nights. We'll be back tomorrow.

You are listening to a replay of Madhouse Radio.

Well, I think you should fucking hang up or I'm going to find out who you are and punch your fucking face in.

How's that?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Hey everybody, Madhouse Radio is back on the air.

Welcome back.

We're hanging in there.

Stunning conclusion to the show is coming up now.

Prepare yourself.

So, Zy Carlito, King of Prank Calls, Prince of Thursday Nights, The Corporate, Infiltrator, all that shit.

Here we have Milkman's out there somewhere, hanging out.

Milkman, I hope he's out there.

What's up, Milkman?

Man, I hope you feel better.

Can you give me a call at the end of the show, please?

We haven't talked in a few days.

Give me a call.

We're going to shoot the shit.

Appreciate it, buddy.

Hope you feel better.

We also have Ted, Tuck, Baz, and, excuse me, The Warrior also on air.

So thank you guys for joining in.

Got a nice crowd out there in the chat room as well.

Had to restart because of the cam problem, but we got Saigon back, of course.

Big Saigon, long-time listener, long-time fan of the show.

Psychic Chuck, Zolar's in there still.

Like I said before, Zolar will be on tomorrow night at 10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Be sure to listen to that.

Go to Zolarkast.com and XYZolar.com.

and, of course, syndicateradio.tv.

Yes, sir, Ted, go ahead.

I sent you, like, three emails that were all trying to say the same thing.

Okay, okay, I had to change the, okay, I see, I see.

Okay, that's the information.

Good, good deal, good deal, yes.

I saw them coming in.

I see it, though.

Thank you.

Thank you, Ted.

The last one just came.

It pops right on my screen during the show.

Any email that gets sent?

pops right up for me.

For the first one, I said 6,000,

which was wrong.

The second one, I said 7,000,

but the links were still pointing to 6,000.

So the last email

is the correct one.

Okay, cool, cool.

Hey, Ted, I appreciate you helping us out with some

ShoutCat server space. It'll save me some money

so that, again, I can put into keeping the phone line

alive and things of this nature.

And things of this nature.

So, thank you.

Thank you, sir. TalkShoe. TalkShoe's working

And tonight, TalkShoe's behaving, of course.

That's why Milkman's here.

If you ever want to listen to the show,

but you're not going to be around your computer on Thursday night,

you can always use TalkShoe to listen to our show live.

Another secret also.

Yes, Milkman.

Okay.

Another secret here.

If you go to TalkShoe.com, three hours after the show's over,

it is uploaded immediately unedited.

And all the episodes, for the most part, are done that.

If you want to hear it immediately afterwards, you can do that.

Basically, I think it takes like 10 minutes for the show to become available after I sign off on TalkShoot.com.

So go to MadHouseLive.com and click on the TalkShoot link to get more information on that.

Also, I wanted to tell everybody.

Let me turn the music off.

Milkman, turn the music off, please, if you could.

All right.

Thank you.

All right, everybody out there, the MadHouse Radio forums are out.

This is the pre-release.

It's not officially released yet, but anybody listening now,

Now, if you go to point your browsers to the following URL, please be ready.

And three, two, one.

Madhouse.eamp.com.

That's Madhouse.eamped.com.

That is the forums for the Madhouse Radio show.

And, of course, Syndicate Radio has their forums as well, which is equally as important.

And that is over at syndicateradio.tv.

But my forums will feature special prank calls like the one we just played by Reclude,

which are not in the podcast, are not available on the website.

They're only available if you're a member of the forums.

We have a lot of prank calls, lesser-known prank calls, obscure prank calls that we've done.

I'm going to be putting up the audio bits from the show and things of this nature

that aren't necessarily the cream of the crop to go in the podcast.

And they're not just the episodes, but they're all going to be in the forum.

So it'll be officially available on the website on Friday, tomorrow night.

But for the time being, you can actually go in there now by going to madhouse.eamped.com.

And that's basically just an outlet for me to...

I'm going to be putting up our lesser-known prank calls, our B-size, as it may.

But a lot of funny stuff, too.

A lot of stuff that I just don't think it's deserving of being on the prank call list on the website.

check that out everybody or just look for it over the weekend well thank you thank you that's tuck

who made that image for me thank you tuck for making that the madhouse forms picture but it

gives you a feel what's going on so everybody uh join in now register early get your names in there

that's right good good and tuck's already in there he's the first member after me so there

we go so check that out everybody let me play this here real quick while we get ready for our

next prank call in just a moment we're calling a uh we're calling a uh what are we calling oh

Oh, shit. I don't know.

I don't know. We're calling somebody Milwaukee over here.

Hang on. We're calling Milwaukee, everybody.

Milwaukee next.

oh yes and of course i wanted to announce that uh last week thursday one of the reasons i didn't do

a show here's here's a great story for all you people especially those on syndicate you guys

guys might appreciate this being a lot of your focus is the state of New York.

In high school, I was a big fan of the Wu-Tang Clan.

And one of the few members who's still laying it down for Wu-Tang right now is the Ghostface Killer.

And the Ghostface Killer, I took my exam at my school, at UCF.

I took an exam there.

I finished my exam, and I was walking out, and I see a sign on one of the buildings that says,

It says, Ghostface Killer live, free concert in front of the Student Union tonight, 8 p.m.

I'm like, oh, shit, and I go.

And sure enough, Ghostface Killer is there with only like 40 people.

I guess they didn't even promote it.

There was about 40 people out there watching Ghostface Killer, putting it down with like some old songs.

It was really cool.

I had a great time.

I got to shake his hand.

I didn't get a picture with him.

I did give him the website.

I doubt he'll go to it.

I did give him a card with madhouselive.com, scrawled on it.

He took it.

I said, yeah, thanks, and he put it in his pocket, and he shook my hand.

He seemed pretty cool, but I didn't get a picture taken.

I didn't have a camera.

I was literally walking out of my exam, and I saw the poster, and I heard the music from far away,

and I went, and sure enough, he was there with like 40 people.

He's an awesome rapper, and before I do that prank call, I will now play this song here by him.

This is Sure Shit That Goes from 1999, 1999, Ghostface Killer on the Metal.

We'll be right back after this with the next prank call of the night.

you saw the movie

no one heard it at all

nobody heard it

they don't hear it

they couldn't hear it man

they couldn't hear it

I want bacon burger

you son of a bitch

you know what

I forgot to turn the

fucking phone on

so all people heard

was me talking

they heard half the prank

call at the beginning

I'm a stupid

fucking stupid

it was a funny

half a prank call

yeah but I can play it

in about 10 seconds

here hang on

let me replay that here

so you can actually

hear the guy

he actually knew

what I was talking about

when I said

Guys, do you guys remember that movie?

Did you guys ever see Falling Down with Kirk Douglas?

Was it Kirk Douglas?

Or was it his...

Yeah.

He finally had enough of society and...

Michael Douglas.

Yeah, Kirk Douglas is the dad.

I'm sorry.

I confuse the two.

It's easy to do.

Michael Douglas.

That's right.

And Falling Down.

Great, great movie about one man's quest for fairness and a society gone mad.

Wouldn't you say that's accurate?

Accurate description.

That's pretty good.

And I didn't read that off of IMDb either.

that was my own words my own review here that is the madhouse movie review for the night anyway

let's replay that yes hello is this the curry place yes good i'm excited about curry i've never

specifically experienced curry quite in a true way and i was hoping you guys might be able to

provide that for me do you think that's possible well come on just a quick order come on man you

don't understand the kind of day i had i just want some freaking curry man i never had it before

for please just some curry is all i asked for man you ever see that movie falling down with

kirk douglas why you laugh why you laugh yeah yeah i saw that movie you saw the movie with

kirk fuck fuck man no one heard it at all nobody heard it they don't hear it they couldn't hear it

man they couldn't hear it i want bacon burger damn it you know what what a great call all right

all right i'm taking officially taking ted's golden star away and i'm giving it to myself

right now there you go there you go deal with it ted deal with it okay that was kind of fun

now what i did want to play have some audio here you know uh gentlemen we did do a show on saturday

that almost nobody listened to what we had like eight listeners no we had like up to like 19

listeners i think all together on all the various networks we didn't have we didn't have a stern

syndicate you guys weren't around but i did do a prank call that i wanted to discuss because i

I feel a little bad because I did it.

You know what I'm talking about, Gentleman Tuck, Ted, Milkman?

You know which one I'm talking about?

The Saturday night one?

The Sunday morning one?

Yeah, it was Sunday.

It was like, wow, 2 o'clock in the morning, maybe Eastern Standard Time, I think it was.

Let's see if I can find it here.

You're the one that messed up.

This is off the official podcast over at MadhouseLive.com.

Let me just find it here.

And give it to me.

You're the FXC word.

Okay, I found it now.

Everybody prepare yourselves to hear this.

This is very PG-13, and we're going to discuss this.

You have au jus?

Pretend.

But you got some in the fridge, right?

They put away.

You know when you have au jus?

If you like gristle, you should get burnt ends and french fries.

Okay, another thing.

You know what I love?

You know when you leave a big thing of au jus sauce or gravy in the fridge

and it separates the fat to the top?

You get that ocky puck of fat?

I love, I eat that.

like ice cream sandwich I'm 428 pounds the last time I weighed that was about

five days ago with dr. Nargis yeah what can I really get you ask you for a

gristle sandwich my baby how about your phone number baby I'm gonna call and

make dirty noises on the phone like this oh my god you don't know who this is tell me who

and this is where i totally i oh sorry this is where i totally play the lady here watch this

this is expert right here what kind of idiot doesn't know this is nathan what name starts

with an n and ends with an n well i guess nathan so crazy tonight smoking and drinking sorry don't

tell anybody you can't fucking teach you she's whoops and here here's the moment that i'm mostly

concerned with right here, and that we're going to be discussing

here in our roundtable in just a moment.

That was so

crazy tonight. Sorry.

Don't tell anybody.

Alright, you cunt. Bye.

She's a cunt.

She's a fucking c-word.

Alright, so that's what we were talking about.

Now, let's have a roundtable real quick.

Should the c-word be off

limits for doing prank calls on this

show? What are your thoughts? Do you think that's too much?

Do you think that's excessive? That's a very bad

bad word to say to a woman that's that's the worst i mean i had a heart to heart with some people and

i'm thinking you think maybe i should not call people the c word in a prank call what are your

thoughts gentlemen are you guys even on yeah you are ted what are your thoughts on the c word no

no you're gonna say no saigon says every prank call should have the c word you got a point

some people do make that point ted warrior tuck anybody gonna talk bad say something now command

you i got your wave sets oops there you go now you can talk i'm sorry repeat everything you just

I say that women really don't like that word, so you're not going to get very far after you use that word, but I don't know.

Man, don't you hate it when your lighter dies?

I think in a prank phone call context, it's got some pretty good comedic value at times, especially at the end of a call.

Yeah, because it was wrapping up anyway.

I kind of went very vulgar with it, though.

Tuck, what are your thoughts on it? Quickly, please.

But it pushes buttons. It pushes buttons. And it's just like calling any other, you know, racial slur to somebody. That's kind of like their racial slur for women.

For women, eh? I never thought of it like that.

When you feel you want to push a button, you know? Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's like calling black people the N-word. I guess it's that. I never thought of it that way.

Go ahead.

Okay, all right. So there we go. That's what it is. Thank you. That was Madhouse Roundtable for the night.

Alright, great. Good work, guys.

Tackling the important issues and prank calls here.

MadhouseRadio, MadhouseLive.com, and yeah.

Oh, shit. That went everywhere.

That was awesome.

What the hell was that all about?

Good job.

I'm sorry about the C word.

Good job.

I'm sorry, ladies.

I'm sorry any ladies listening.

I guess it's okay if I said that, right?

I'm sorry, ladies.

I guess I kind of made up for it.

I told all the ladies I'm sorry.

Didn't mean what I said.

I'm very sorry.

Yeah, you covered your ass.

Yeah, yeah.

I covered all my bases.

A little disclaimer at the end.

That's right.

Well, we did also play this on Saturday.

I wanted to put a lot of people that night.

It was kind of an impromptu last-minute show that not a lot of people,

only the really hardcore listeners were there for that.

It was still fun nonetheless.

And we replayed this then.

I'm going to play one real quick.

These are the stool sample calls.

I'm not going to play them all.

There's three parts to it, and they're available.

They're going to be available this weekend only in the forums.

They're not going to go out on the site or the podcast.

So if you want to hear these calls, they're going to be available only on the forum.

So make sure you register early, whatever it is.

That will be updated tomorrow night along with the official rollout of the forums.

But here is part one of that.

I'm a male nurse.

Is he expecting you to, I mean, who?

No, Dr. Nargis told me to give him a call with these instructions.

But his doctor is not Dr. whoever you said.

It's the specialist, ma'am.

His physician forwarded the information on to Dr. Nargis and made the determination of what was going on.

He just wanted to give him a therapy plan.

He needs to practice at home.

Okay, hold on.

Hold on.

Hurry it up.

Hello?

I'm sorry.

I lost my temper.

Did you have a pen and paper?

Who are you talking to?

I'm trying to leave a message for the instructions for the therapy plan.

Yes, but someone said hurry it up.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Quality assurance thing.

Something that you're supposed to, for the quality of your service, blah, blah, blah.

Okay, I'm ready.

Breakfast, as much fiber as possible, preferably oatmeal and greens.

What kind of greens do you make, if any?

All.

Do you like collards?

Cabbage, collards, string beans, the works.

Collards and turnip greens and spinach greens.

Yeah, I do all of those.

Okay.

Broccoli, the works.

And he needs to eat as many oranges as possible.

Okay.

Okay, now what this is going to do is it's going to be like a natural colonic for his system.

Okay, now he needs to collect a stool sample after every bowel movement.

Got it.

So do you have the instructions there for the stool sample collection?

Do I have any?

Did his doctor give him any?

Well, I'm not certain, so I'm making sure.

I mean, if he didn't mention it to you, perhaps I should.

No, he hasn't mentioned this to me.

or that someone would be calling.

That's just not natural that he wouldn't mention it.

That's why I'm asking all of these questions because he never said anything about it.

He just needs to collect a stool sample after every bowel movement and it's very simple.

He's supposed to have carrots.

Do you have any carrots there now or do you need to get them?

The long kind, not the baby carrots.

The long ones please.

Basically all he does after he has a bowel movement, he is going to take a carrot and

shove it up as far up into his asshole as possible and then put it in a bag and write

the date on the bag.

You got that?

Hello?

Did you get that?

No.

Maybe you need to do that.

Well that is his responsibility.

No.

It is my responsibility to tell you to do that because this call is not a natural call.

So you can just go to hell.

Ma'am, don't speak to me like that please.

I'm a professional.

Well, you don't sound it.

I'm a licensed male nurse.

Yes.

Okay.

I believe it too.

Well, I mean I'm a smart person and I command a bit of respect in this society.

Excuse me?

I command a bit of respect.

Well, I command a bit also and I say that you can go to hell.

Now, did you hear that?

Did you hear that commandment?

Do you know what the Bible says about Jesus?

Can you hear me?

Do you listen to Jesus?

Do you listen to him?

I sure am.

No, you don't.

Dr. Nargis is a beautiful Catholic.

Good for him.

And I am ordained through the body and blood of Christ to give you these instructions.

Good for him.

About the stool sample, ma'am.

So I expect you wrote them down because there's going to be a quiz at the end of this conversation.

Go to hell.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you! Fuck you! Fucking penis! Yes!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Yeah, do that. Visit us online at madhouselive.com.

All right, do we have more numbers yet? We do.

Okay, good. We've got the Dragon Fountain Restaurant.

We also have Bing's Kitchen in Lebanon, Oregon.

All right, let's call Bing's Kitchen first.

here excuse me bing's kitchen everybody oh shit geez anyway but yeah that lady that is the wife

of the prank of the uh of the gentleman we prank called about the big black gun that is his wife

that we talked to right there as a matter of fact if you didn't know now you do and while i do the

second call let me play this we'll be back oh i did not know that yep that is adolphus cotton's

wife here's the sec here's the second call we made to this lady hello yes did you write all

Did I write all that down?

Did I write all what down?

All the instructions.

Yeah, and I had this call trace also.

How do you have a trace?

Come on.

Excuse me?

Did you turn on your tracing machine?

Well, tell me this.

What is it that you want?

What kind of nutcase are you?

I'm giving you important instructions about...

You know what?

I don't want your important instructions.

I do not want them.

So you take your instructions

And give it to somebody else

Okay ma'am

Or cram them up your behalf

Do you want to know the truth?

No I do not

Because you can't

You can't even tell me anything that's true

I'm telling you

Goodbye asshole

I

Ma'am

Oh man

I was going to tell her the truth

We want to hear the truth

Here we go

Go to hell

Play the conclusions then

yes this is the bings postage please no don't give me that everyone i call every night every

time make it happen oh the other chinese restaurant huh the people who give a crap

about the community people who give a crap you just don't get it your sister graduate from

college you're not gonna have this little trust fund around anymore and you're gonna live in the

real world only from work and they're hungry and they just want to eat see that guy michael douglas

it's like that man he was like i want breakfast what time is it oh it's 11 a.m you don't serve

breakfast after 10 59 hey asshole i said i want breakfast bang bang bang bang bang he got his

breakfast though right he got egg sandwich awesome stuff man you got any noodles you got some

leftover food that you're about to throw hook me up come on man you guys put in the dumpster

geez i'm hungry i was naked and she didn't clothe me i was incarcerated and she didn't visit me

Anyway, here is the conclusion is still sample, part two.

Phone company, go ahead.

Hello?

Yes, this is the phone company.

How may I help you?

Yes, someone has called here.

This is the second time.

Saying stupid things.

And I was told to dial to have the call traced.

Okay, just one moment.

I'm going to go ahead and trace that now.

Can you hold, please?

Yes, I will.

Okay, here we go.

Okay, that's coming back negative, ma'am.

Did you insert the carrot all the way up into the anus and then extract it?

Go to hell.

I love you, lady.

I love you.

You are one son of a bitch.

Excuse me, identify yourselves.

I'm tapping into the line.

Go to hell.

All right, excuse me, this is Bubba Johnson.

I'm the operator from what's going on on this line right here.

Madhouse Radio is live.

Shut up.

Thank you.

Anyway, that was the conclusion of that.

There's one other call.

Tell that thing woman to shut up.

yeah it feels good to tell you know i had this joke once it was funny i used to go around walmart

and uh in my car in the parking lot and i would just yell at people to shut up and i thought it

was the funniest thing i thought it was fun it was like 21 22 i was like oh i'm gonna go around

the parking lot and i was like there i'll be walking through the parking lot there's tons

of people coming back and forth from walmart all the time it's just endless drill it could be two

three o'clock in the morning just constant people back in coming in coming out going in going out

of Walmart all the time it doesn't matter what time it is and I'm going by and people just walk

in and you roll down my windows I had them all rolled down I go shut up real loud and a lot of

them be like what you know what the fuck bitch like that and it was very stupid and then I had

this joke that I took from David Letterman David Letterman did this does this thing sometimes

where he takes a paper grocery bag he'll go to the grocery store he'll take a paper grocery

grocery bag and i'll like super glue it to the roof uh to the roof of a car and i'll drive off

the parking lot and people will be like hey where'd my car go you got stuff so i would i would buy a

44 ounce um big gold cup at 7-eleven and i would uh put it on top of my car and i would drive around

the parking lot doing it and people would be like hey you got something on your car and i'd be like

you know shut the fuck up like you know like fuck you like why the hell are you fucking with me or

whatever and so i thought i was the hot shit i thought oh this is funny so this one time there's

this guy and i i'm doing i'm going by and he goes hey hey stop stop you got a coke and i said shut

the fuck off like that like you know whatever and i and i drove off and and this these walmart

parking lots are huge i mean let me to tell you the truth is this this plaza all it is is a huge

super walmart with a huge parking lot and it's got a home depot right next to it which with

with another huge i mean those these are the two giants of american uh consumerism is super walmart

and a home depot you got them right next to each other so this is like an immense parking lot and

this happened all the way at the walmart side i drove all the way down laughing my ass off all

the way to the end of the home depot one and uh and i turned left and this guy had freaked out so

much that he gets in his van and he he tries to run me off the road as i start driving back down

and we get to a red light

and he's right next to me

and he's screaming like a madman

I mean this guy he had lost it

he had literally gone like nutso

I mean he was like having a nervous breakdown

so I had the cup

from 7-Eleven in my hand

it was full of ice

and I put that in my window and I threw it at him

and it hit him in the face and he got ice all over on him

and I drove off

and he never caught me

that happened like in 2002 that's a true story

good great

right but i learned my lesson i learned my lesson my lesson never to do stuff like that i used we

used to call that the cup game that was very fun then this one time we we would uh we were taking

our grocery carts nobody do this please but i would drive and then my ex-girlfriend my girlfriend

at the time will be in the front seat and then we would get a a grocery cart from seven from

walmart or whatever and she would hang on to it and we would start at one end of the parking lot

and I would drive to like, you know, 15 miles an hour.

I would go about 20.

I'd get that sucker up to like 20 miles an hour

and then she would let go of the cart

and I would turn at the same time.

So the cart would go flying into the parking lot

going down one of the lanes

and sometimes it would hit a car

that was pulling in or pulling out.

There's one time it hit the side of a police car

that we didn't know was there

and luckily there was no cop inside of it

but it made this nasty dent, and we freaked out, and we drove off, yeah, and then what

we did, that was in her car, and then we got my car to go back and look at it, and the

cop was out there inspecting it, and there was like two other cops there with their lights

on, and I was like, oh shit, they're going to pull, she was like, man, they're going

to, they got cameras in this parking lot, they're going to find my license plate, and

put me on the news, and find me, and take me down, and they're going to take you down,

We were freaked out

But we never got caught

But for a week we were like

Any day now we're going to get busted at work

Some cops are going to come in

Like all SWAT team commando

And drag us out

I was fucked up dude

I got some fucked up stories of shit

I used to do when I was stupid and young

When I was like 19, 20

I did some crazy

Andy used to be on the show

He knows a lot of those stories

We did a lot of stupid shit

We were like in high school

16, 17, 18

you know 1920 i kept it going to like i was 22 i was stupid i was a late bloomer but i've never

told you this document i've never i have never said the story of the best prank call in history

i wonder if i could get that gentleman on i got a guy got a guy who would know what we're talking

about actually let me get my headphones back in here we're killing time let me call this i'm gonna

see hopefully this is not too late i feel bad if this is too late if it is man i feel bad he's not

listening he doesn't have internet so he's never listened to this show but this is eddie from i've

I've known him since I was in high school.

We've known each other since he was like 13 or 14 or something.

So anyways, this cat here, Eddie, he is the inspiration for Eddie Garcia.

This is the true Eddie Garcia we're about to call here.

Let's see if he answers or not.

I don't know that he will.

Oh, okay.

And he's an unwilling participant to what I have deemed is the best prank call

in the history of me ever that I've ever done.

but this was done in 2001.

This prank call was done in 2001,

and it had a far-reaching effect.

And even he doesn't know he was an unwilling member of it.

You'll see what I mean in a moment.

Let's see if he's there.

If not, I'll just say the story.

Hang on.

Let's find out what happens here.

He's unanswered.

I guess it's too late to call him.

My bad.

Hope it didn't wake him up.

Anyway, continuing on.

The impetus of the story here.

2001, this is before September 11th.

I guess I'm just breaking down the old stories here.

as I kill some time here.

I'm going to be going off air here probably in just a few minutes.

And if you want to call in, you can.

Now is the time, 888-278-8509.

Again, you can reach us here at 888-278-8509.

If you want to reach us, do so.

One last chance if you want to call in.

No callers at all, not even to Jonathan.

The Jonathan even has gone.

That's insane.

Never dealt with that in a long time.

Anyway, so back in 2001.

Hey, Carlito.

There he is, Jonathan.

He called in.

All right, Jonathan.

All right.

I'm all your fans and listeners.

Anyway, this story here.

Man, I really need a...

Fucking lighter sucks.

Okay.

The story is, back in 2001 in Bosnia,

there's this guy that I knew in high school.

He's a really dumb guy.

He joined the army because he had no other option.

Because he's very dumb.

They're the only people who would take him.

No college would take him, nothing like that.

Joins the army.

He's in Bosnia.

I call his parents' house around 2 o'clock in the morning.

I'm 19 years old at this time, everybody.

I'm 19 years old, very young, very stupid.

I don't recommend anybody ever do this.

Again, this is me flirting with disaster.

In 2001, I call at 2 o'clock in the morning to the parents' house.

I call to the parents' house, and they say, hello.

And I say, yes, is this the home of, what's this?

This is the home of Michael and the like.

Yeah

This is the house

And I said

Oh my god there's been a horrible accident

And I hang up

up that's all i did it was very stupid right very stupid and childish right here's what happened

this guy was a mutual friend of uh of my friend eddie who we just tried to call here earlier eddie

um he was we were mutual friends and uh two days later eddie comes over to my house unannounced

i'm like what's up you know eddie me and eddie weren't really hanging out anymore we used to

hang out a lot we had some beef and stuff but we're okay so he's like yeah man i came over

over because um mike's dad told me to come over to talk to you i was like okay what happened so

he's like yeah well apparently someone called at 2 30 in the morning and asked if this was uh michael

residence and they said yes and the guy sounded like he was military he sounded like he was far

away and then he said it's been a horrible accident and then the line went dead so unbeknownst to me

unbeknownst to me this guy mike is in the army this guy mike is in the field in bosnia unbeknownst

to me during the bosnian war that we had during that time right so he says yeah so they called

the forward base that he's based out of in jacksonville and they contacted the general in

bosnia and they sent out a chopper out to the field in the middle of the war in bosnia to pick

him up to bring him back to the main to bring him back to the main base in bosnia to fly him back

to germany to verify that he was okay i was like wow really it was like yeah so is he okay that's

exactly what i said i played it off i was like wow so is he okay and he's like no it wasn't real

someone did a prank call and they think it was you and said no i i didn't do that i i no i don't

know what you're talking about is he are you sure he's okay like i can't push him like the whole

thing is he okay and it's like yeah he's okay yeah they they verified he's in he's in germany

now they're gonna send them back in a few days or something or something like that like something

it became this whole like i started thinking man how many people got involved in that day

and i'm not kidding you this fucking happened i wanted eddie on the line so i could verify that

but uh it's pretty pretty late pretty late in the day and gentlemen i think that's the show

no they he doesn't know even to this day i was gonna go i think enough time has passed

last time that I could tell him that.

It's been six years.

And I'll tell him, hey, you remember the time?

But maybe, you know, maybe he could get mad.

Dude, you got him out of the war zone for a while, man.

You can't say this fucking lie.

Well, this, I was going to interview him because this guy, the guy is nuts.

He's so crazy.

He met some woman in, he was in, he was in Bosnia.

He met some local Bosnian woman or something, then went AWOL to go marry her,

had a kid with her, and then disappeared for a year.

and then the MPs found him

and they were going to court martial him

but he took some kind of plea where they let him go

with an honorable discharge

something weird like that

he ended up getting to do this plea where he pled

no contest and a court martial

and he got an honorable discharge by the skin of his teeth

I guess because he fell in love

and went AWOL for a year then he just

disappeared into the mountains of

Eastern Europe they said he came back

really weird like really I don't know

like maybe he probably got recruited by

like Bosnian Muslims or something

I don't know.

So that was that.

That was that.

Like I was saying, I think it's time to end the show.

I would like to thank Lonesome Loser.

Let's see if Milkman's around.

Let me go to the Milkman cam here in just a moment.

Hey, Milkman, you there?

There you go.

Hey, Milkman.

Hey, man, take us out of here.

Yeah, we're here, man.

You hear me?

It's a real good show.

I know.

It's not big, man.

All right, that's very good.

Take it away, big man.

That's very good, Milkman.

Thank you, sir.

I appreciate that.

I will be playing a Phil Henry bit here.

I understand Syndicate Radio is not ready

for the torch to be passed over

to the Hooknose Jew

is coming on next over there

I will remain playing some bits

here for a little bit and something like that

and try to give you some space, I'll stay as long as I can

but I do have to be at work in less than 7 hours

so I do gotta get my sleep

Milkman, like I said, call me at the end of the show

call the house

call the house, alright

that's Milkman

we thank LonesomeLusion, thank you sir

I want to thank Ted, Baz

Jazz, The Warrior, and, of course, Big Tuck.

Tuck, I'm glad you're safe.

Revolution.

I'm glad you made it through your storm.

I'd like to thank everybody in Seneca, Dino, of course.

Everybody, be sure to tune in here.

Stay tuned for Hook, Nose, Jew, as well as Zolar tomorrow at 10 p.m.

Eastern Standard Time.

Zolar, a longtime friend, and, wow, one of the original OGs of Madhouse Radio, Zolar.

So thank you.

Everybody over there, thank you.

Everybody listening to us online, madhouselive.com.

All our 98.6 The Mouth listeners, everybody out there.

All the people we prank called tonight also, thank you very much.

It's been a great time.

We'll be right back next week.

And again, be sure to check out everything.

The forums again.

That's right, the forums.

One last time, if you want to join the Madhouse forums, the pre-release is on now.

Madhouse.eamped.com

We're out of here. See you next week.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you! Fuck you fucking piece of shit!

Calls (16, 49 min of 2 h 6 min)

Transcript

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