2007-10-25 Show

Hey, what happens in America?

Well, we steamed your ass in World War II.

What do you have to say?

We never did.

And who helped you out just now?

You piss off, woman.

Don't talk to me like that.

We don't need you anyway, bitch.

I'm huge.

Call me a stinky, stinky fucker.

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Oh, thank you.

Nice to have you by the fan on the internet tonight here.

The most heterosexual man all by himself, I think.

No, Tuck is here.

Hey, Tucker.

What's up, Tuck?

Crazy fuck.

What's that booing shit out here, Fred?

Just the haters

You know, they don't like the show

They don't like to listen, they boo

That's okay

Fuck them, man

Fuck them

Fuck them all, fuck them right up their ass

Don't listen if you want to boo

It is Thursday, October the 25th

It is almost Halloween

This is the Halloween special

ha ha ha

ha

Halloween

yeah

you tell them Tuck

tell them all

they're stupid

we're here

and we're gonna do a show

tonight

Madhouse Radio

as I said

madhouselive.com

we are on the

extended Madhouse Radio

network

our flagship station

98.6 The Mouth

of course

98.6 The Mouth

here for the Mouders

it's also here

of course

for the real stern

rather

the real listeners

over there

on syndicateradio.tv

tvsyndicateradio.tv, syndicateradio.transvestite, everybody.

Thank you for being here with us as well, all you syndicators.

And everyone listening to us on talk show as well, thank you very much.

No milkman tonight.

It's here for no milkman, all right.

Nothing but good audio tonight.

No, milkman's on a plane flight back to the Virgin Islands now.

He got deported out of the United States already.

He only lasted like two and a half weeks.

They already kicked his ass out.

Now, for those who are wondering, in Game 2 of the World Series,

the Rockies and the Red Sox are tied 1-1.

In the bottom of the fifth right now, the Rockies are tied 1-1

with the Boston Red Sox, bottom of the fifth, two outs, Game 2 of the World Series.

I think it's the World Series. Is it not the World Series?

I'm pretty sure it's the World Series. Last time I checked.

All right there, Tuck. You okay, man? Keeping it real?

Where's Ted? Ted's supposed to be on here to do shit with us.

Anyway, Lord Spoon says Gary the Retard is doing a show now.

I don't know.

Did you know Gary the Retard is doing a show on Syndicate Radio?

I was actually watching him.

He says that that makes Syndicate Radio an equal opportunity employer.

That's very true.

Syndicate Radio is like Walmart.

They don't have a problem employing retards as greeters.

Gary, tonight, was my greeter.

Gary opened up for me, Carlito, the great Carlito.

He welcomed you to Walmart.

He gave you a flyer.

He offered you a cart, and now you have me, the final product, Carlito, 328 pounds of Puerto Rican, right here, everybody.

We got some problems tonight with the bandwidth, I think.

We got some fucking bandwidthers.

Anyway, so, yeah, yeah, we're here tonight, everybody.

We're going to be doing some prank calls.

We got a lot to talk about, a lot of topics that have come up within the last few days.

I'm going to warn you ahead of time.

I know I say this every week, but I promise this week I'm not going to go, I'm not planning on going past 12.

That's why I made it a point to start on time at 10 p.m. tonight

because I am very tired, number one.

Number two, I'm going to be getting drunk here soon, like kitty-kay.

And also, I have an exam tomorrow night to take.

I skipped it tonight.

I'm going to take it tomorrow at the last minute.

I hope that there's not a long line at the testing lab because that would suck.

So wish me luck on my test tomorrow, everybody.

As I grab the first Miller Lite of the night, I'm taking the cap off.

You can see it right here.

I'm going to take it and throw it at the camera.

Oh, and it hit the camera, too, perfectly, right on the bitch.

EarthDog, EarthDog.com everybody

EarthDog checking in tonight

EarthDog is reminding me to set the caption

title in Syndicate Radio

just a moment, I'll take care of that briefly here

I also want to thank Lonesome Loser for checking in as well

Lonesome Loser is here sending us numbers

we do have some submissions as well

from the request to prank throughout the week

if you go to MadHouseLive.com

click on the request a prank link

over at MadHouseLive.com

and submit your free

prank call requests

I would also like to mention that Madhouse5.com is now the home as well for the Madhouse Forums.

The Madhouse Forums were opened up, as I promised you, over the weekend.

It is the home for exclusive prank calls that you will not hear anywhere on the rotation.

You will not hear it on the website.

You will not hear it on the Madhouse Podcast.

You will not hear it anywhere.

You definitely will not hear it on regular radio.

So be sure to join the Madhouse Forums.

The links are right there on the page.

At MadHouseLive.com.

Like I said before, we also have our newsletter kicking.

We have some kicking as well from the podcast.

We have a prank cast.

Now, here's a great idea, Tuck, I came up with.

If you're still around, yes, you are.

Tuck, I decided to take and make a podcast of just the prank calls from the show.

And I call it the prank cast.

I came up with that.

That's such an awesome idea.

The prank cast.

That's like the perfect name.

All right.

I know.

So there you go.

Two different.

Sounds good.

And then I found out that TalkShoe makes a podcast automatically for me

that updates this show that you're listening to right now

will be available within five minutes after the show's over.

Completely unedited.

It'll be available for free over at TalkShoe.com's Madhouse radio page.

So be sure to check that out if you missed anything.

Catch the instant replay right there.

As I said, we do have a lot of stuff to talk about tonight.

If you want to reach us here, you can call us toll-free

anywhere in the United States and parts of Canada

with the exception of British Columbia, which remains on threat down.

Madhouse

what am I saying

I'm giving a phone number

the toll free line

again is

1-888-278-8509

again our toll free line

here

tonight

is

1-888-278-8509

you can also

reach me on

AOL and

Yahoo Instant Messengers

Madhouse Radio

again if you're using

AOL or Yahoo Messengers

Madhouse Radio

is the

instant messaging

name to reach me at

if you are using

MSN Messenger

for some gay reason

you can also

reach me at

at madhouselive at hotmail.com, madhouselive at hotmail.com.

You can also e-mail us.

All that information, again, is at madhouselive.com.

On the website, we are talking to Jeepers, who is asking me to prank Charlie Patton.

We also have a request tonight to call the fuck-you-bitch-motherfucker-angry-donut-guy,

everybody's favorite, this guy right here.

Where's his drop? I changed him around.

Fuck-you-bitch-motherfucker.

That guy right there.

So we will definitely be trying to see if I can find that phone number.

I'm sure Lonesome Loser will work on it, too.

He's the man.

Lonesome Loser has sent in a lot of numbers.

Why is there no music playing?

There we go.

Thank you, Tuck.

Stay on top of the music, please, if you could.

Anybody else in the satellite link up now?

No, no milk, man.

Like I said, he is on a plane at this time.

He's on an aeroplane.

He's leaving on a jet plane.

We don't know if he'll be back again.

I understand that we have Tuck here and, of course, Ted.

Ted, what is going on, man?

I can barely hear you.

Good.

You can play the milkman tonight.

What's going on, Ted?

Speak to the kids.

That's great.

Hi.

Okay.

So, what do we have?

Let me get my Post-it note of stuff to talk about for the show here.

Let's see.

We talked about the forms and the website changes.

Yes, we did.

We can turn that off.

Okay.

Here's something.

Last night.

Last night, last night, last night, gentlemen.

About midnight, I'm sitting here in the studio, and I get a phone call on the toll-free Madhouse line.

I'm like, that's odd.

I'm not on tonight.

Why is someone calling the toll-free Madhouse line at this time?

Interesting.

So, I answer the phone.

I'm like, who dis?

is and it's like yeah this is lucas i'm like lucas this is lucas from the other madhouse radio show

yes there is an imposter madhouse radio show out there there's another madhouse radio show

on terrestrial radio legitimate radio uh they're out of toledo ohio and they share the same name

with us it's just a coincidence there's no hostilities between us two we've had contact

in the past we are cool and lucas says yeah man uh did you change our wikipedia page and i said

I said, no, I'm not in the habit of editing Wikipedia pages, my friend.

What happened?

So apparently one of our listeners out there, one of our very enthusiastic listeners out there,

decided to go to the Wikipedia page for the other Impostor Madhouse radio show

and made very disparaging comments about them and plugged us instead.

So just to let you guys know, I appreciate whoever did that.

You know, kudos to you.

If you present yourself, we will give you five Madhouse dollars for the Madhouse Radio store.

But please don't do that because that's kind of mean.

And what you're going to do is you're probably going to get us banned from Wikipedia or something like that.

So, yeah, try not to do that if you can.

But, hey, kudos to you.

Don't piss off the man.

Yeah, don't piss off the man.

Be good to the man.

And what else can I say?

So that was Lucas from the legitimate, I think, they're on Tower FM in Toledo, Ohio.

ohio they've been on they've been on less time than we have so actually we're the original

huh i'm sorry what hello team speaker sama i don't know there's not much i can do about that

let me uh let me try to fix that we got audio problems already holy shit and yes folks we're

going to be doing prank calls tonight for those of you who are asking i've seen a chat room there's

several of you who are asking if we're doing prank calls tonight yes we are take it easy relax all

right don't give me shit we will do prank calls we have a lot of prank calls to do tonight but

But we have business to attend to first, of course.

And I dropped my paper.

And here we go.

I'm so fat.

Okay.

I do have one prank call.

Not a prank call, but I do have a call nonetheless here to play.

This is a customer service call to Dell Computers.

It was posted on the Internet this week.

I found it on Digg.com, D-I-G-G.com.

If you are a user of Digg.com, please go ahead and, while you're at it,

look us up in the podcast section.

We are a listed podcast on Digg.

And go ahead and add us, rate us if you could.

We would really appreciate that.

But regardless here, this is the kind of thing I used to have to deal with in my previous job all the time.

This is tech support talking to a complete and utter moron from the holler, if you know what I'm saying.

If you catch my drift, if you follow my flow.

It's loading up right now.

Now, this is a dull computer's call from a very irate and very stupid customer

who was having trouble turning off his laptop.

Just a moment, we will hear that, and then we will have a roundtable discussion afterwards.

Again, if you want to reach us here toll-free tonight, the toll-free line is 888-278-8509.

We have received a number for Sam the Donut Man in Oak Park, Michigan.

We'll be calling him in a little bit here in just a moment.

We also have numbers for Dirty Darling Strippers.

We have Monkey Farm, and we have the three-legged monkey bar, and a bunch of other bars.

So let's all get excited about that.

Put your hands together.

I'm still waiting for you two to play this.

And he's sick.

I should have had this ready.

Here we go, everybody.

I can hear you.

You're breaking up a little bit.

It goes this.

I turn it off.

Try to turn off the power.

Everything, it won't turn off.

Can I get the service tag?

Jesus Christ, I just gave it to you people.

The best service code is.

You got it?

I couldn't hear you very well.

All I need to know is how do you turn this goddamn thing off?

You know, your automated crap sucks, hey, and I think you suck, all right?

Christ, how do you turn this fucking thing off?

Well, I'll just need to actually see what system you have here, so I'm showing that you...

Can I get the name on the account?

All right, and the phone number is purchased out.

Why do you need all this? All I need to know is how do you turn this thing off?

I need to verify the owner of the system, sir.

Oh, Jesus Christ, the number is 72.

Can I get your name?

My name is...

And your last name?

I'm her son.

Damn you.

Well, I swear to God.

And your phone number?

Phone number is the same.

Okay.

And your email address?

You know what I mean?

All right?

You fucking goddamn asshole.

Goddamn it.

Fucking thing.

We want to show it off.

You understand that?

It's last night.

And you got a goddamn battery problem as well.

All right?

What the hell the fuck's going on with this goddamn thing?

I'm getting very upset about this.

You know, I've spent about an hour trying to talk to you people on this freaking automated

crap you got and that's what's got me all fucking upset like this all right and if you didn't have

all this automated crap on your goddamn phone system then somebody would talk to a human do

you know what a human is yes sir i do and i will keep acting like a goddamn computer and keep

asking me pretty stupid questions when all i need to know is how do you shut this thing down

it says windows is shutting down it's been saying that since last night all right now how come it

won't shut down, then how come I can't shut it down? What do I got to do, rip the damn

battery out of the back of it? No, you definitely don't want to do that. What do I got to do?

Will you please help? Yeah, all I need, so do you not have an email address? That's all

I need from you. Do you not have an email address? I'm not going to give it to you,

all right? Let's put it that way, all right? Because I have nothing to do with this goddamn

computer. All I want to know is how you shut it down before it causes a goddamn fucking

fire. Will you fucking tell me? So, to shut the system off, you see the power button on

on it i've been pushing it for the past three fucking hours it don't fucking do nothing okay

hold down the power button for 10 seconds right now well jesus christ you could have told me that

you know you're not very freaking helpful you know that you're a fucking asshole and you can

put this in your fucking records all right come on stupid ass why why why didn't the guy just tell

him though just hold the button down i mean come on just tell him i guess i have to get all the

the information they have to verify it's legit that it's not some asshole just calling in

asking for free support on the computer but still you know come on gotta go through all that

paperwork shit before they can even talk to you i know it's a bunch of a bunch of hoops it's not

it's not the guy's fault though who's taking the call and the guy's yelling at him for no reason

but funny nonetheless didn't that guy to me is sending a lot like you know have you guys ever

ever heard the the mr burgess calls you know i'm talking about burgess remember those anybody no

you know who it sounds like to me he sounds like ryan from uh uh teddy cage oh um raw milk that

kid the game the fun yeah i know you're talking about yeah i don't know it was a good call

nonetheless so that was very good that was good that was good he says it's like that it's very

Very, very low-key and down.

That guy is all jacked up and green.

He's all jacked up.

That's what you're talking about to call.

Yes, sir.

Good point.

All right.

So that was fun.

Okay.

What else did we have to talk about here really quickly?

We have an article that I wanted to mention from last week that I didn't mention.

Breaking news here.

Breaking news.

The Red Sox are now up 2-1, bottom of the fifth, and the bases are loaded with two outs.

Interesting.

Perhaps we will see a grand slam here in a moment.

The Yankees, yeah, the Yankees aren't at bat.

The Red Sox are at bat right now.

Jason Veritech getting ready for the solo pitch.

Yankees win this, even though they're not even playing it.

I'm sure those fuckers would find a way, damn it.

Well, I want to announce this last week,

but I'm looking forward to this.

Justice League, the movie, is now casting.

Very exciting news.

How are they going to handle that?

Are they going to keep Brandon Routh, whatever his name is?

I mean, do they keep the guy who played Superman in the Superman movie as Superman?

Or do they cast an entirely different person as Superman?

Maybe they'll cast a black guy as Superman.

Maybe that'll make sense.

Maybe they'll cast Shaquille O'Neal.

Shaquille O'Neal?

I don't know.

You're a comic book artist, Tuck.

What are your thoughts on that?

No thoughts.

I don't know anything about this movie,

but if it's a connection to the Superman movie they just did

and doing the kid who was doing the man on the last one.

Yeah, but they're going a completely different way

and they're going a completely different direction.

Huh.

Then just completely, you know, ground zero.

Okay.

Is it the guy who did the X-Men movies again?

I don't know.

I don't know what's going on.

No, I don't think it's him.

I don't think it's him.

I don't think it's him, Tuck,

but we'll find out nonetheless.

I'm sure that casting stuff will be announced eventually.

Nunu is calling in.

He's upset that we're talking about fucking gay American sports.

Well, guess what, Nunu?

The last news article of the night is just about that.

Out of Scottsdale, Arizona, right up your alley, the Super Bowl may someday be held in London.

Can you believe this?

According to this, the NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has said that they are looking into holding the Super Bowl,

of American football, that is, in London within the next one to two years.

at Wembley

Stadium. Imagine that.

That would be something. American football

in Britain. I think it's

sacrilege. I don't think they'll go for it.

We'll see what happens. I understand that

NFL is actually quite popular in

Europe. Very strange. It'll be very

strange. I think that's

an affront against God to actually have the

Super Bowl outside of America.

It's almost an affront against God

if they would do it in Hawaii

or Alaska. You gotta do it in the homeland,

Homeland, man.

You can't have the big dance in the homeland.

That's not right.

There's temperature differences and seasonal and all that shit.

It's not going to work.

It won't be the same game.

They got different grass up there, too, man.

Come on.

It's America's game.

Fuck.

Work profession.

Why should our football work their profession?

That's right.

Good work.

Good work, Ted.

Tuck and Ted.

Tuck, they're here for, like, the gardeners.

Yes.

All right, Milkman, whatever you say.

Okay, so there's fires in California.

Fox News is accusing Al-Qaeda of doing it without any proof.

And, of course, the last announcement here is that Madhouse Radio will be switching to a new stream within the next three to four days.

The Mouth, that is, will be on a new server.

Thanks to Ted.

Thank you, Ted.

We appreciate that, man.

You are cool.

You are very cool.

That's right.

On the good side, that is.

Wow, that was a good side to your mom.

Well, my mom doesn't have any good sides, man.

We've got to talk.

We've got to do prank calls.

We've got to stop talking, that is.

We've got to do prank calls.

It's time for prank calls.

All right, let's do it.

We're going to call Dirty Laundry.

This one is in California, Dirty Laundry in Burlingame, California.

I'm very excited about this, everybody.

Here it comes.

Dirty Laundry, the first prank call of the night, Madhouse Radio, October 25th, 10.31 p.m., 32 seconds.

Oh, fuck.

Let's go on that shit again.

It doesn't make noise.

Question about your establishment down there is that the laundry place.

How often do you sanitize the machines?

I think it's the wrong place.

What?

No, no, no.

This is dirty laundry, lady.

The clothing store.

Well, you still got dirty.

Your laundry's dirty.

It's all dirty.

When's the last time you sterilized a product that you had there on the floor?

I clean the floors every night.

Well, I mean the sales floor.

You're supposed to sterilize the actual clothing.

They get worn by people.

People go in.

You have one of those try-out rooms where you try out the clothes?

You mean a fitting room where you have a steam room?

Try-out room.

Try-out room is what I call it.

Okay.

Okay, well, what?

Potato, potato, tomato, tomato.

Whatever it is, it's not clean for people to be putting on clothes and then taking it out.

You don't know if they have underwear on.

You don't know if they have herpes.

You don't know if they're menstruating.

I bought a pair of jeans.

How do I know that some woman that was menstruating didn't put on that pair of jeans?

What do I have now?

What do you know?

Why?

What do you know?

Maybe it's a woman who wanted to try on a pair of jeans.

You're right.

Maybe.

I don't know.

I'm completely wrong.

You're right.

You're completely stupid.

You used the F word with me.

Fucking F word.

The fucking F word, man.

That was fun.

That was super fun.

I think a reclude was just checking in.

What was a reclude doing?

Let me see.

That really was a reclude.

Oh, yeah.

He's around.

Look at that.

Let me play some music.

Any thoughts on that, Ted?

Ted, I don't like talking about menstruating.

It's a topic I don't cover much here with my family here at the home.

We try to stay away from it.

But it is Thursday night, and it is Madhouse Radio.

And I am Carlito, not Carlos, tonight at this time.

So I think it's okay.

I'd like to thank everybody in the chat room.

I see a lot of you Lonesome Loser, of course, in the chat room.

Let me go ahead and operate him real quickly.

We've got a lot of people there.

Tuck, of course, Ted there as well.

We've got Zolarz hanging out in the chat room at this time.

Saigon's also checking in.

Beetleju, Earthdog.

All the others.

You all know who you are.

You all know what's going on.

Again, make sure you go to madhouselive.com.

Good guy.

Nunu apparently enjoyed that prank call.

Thank you, Nunu.

Thank you for your support.

We appreciate it.

Yeah, and Nunu is there, of course.

Who else?

We've got Baz.

Repo is in there.

Long-time listener, Repo.

All the kids are out there.

We've got about 32 listeners in our extended network right now, so we're doing pretty good.

Awesome.

Coming up next on The Mouth, the next prank call to come out of The Mouth tonight.

We've got Rooster's Honky Tonk.

Yes, sir.

They cannot, not yet.

Very soon they will, but they cannot.

And your audio is coming in really low and disembobulated.

Yeah, something's wrong.

I need to reboot.

I'll be back.

Okay, damn it.

We're going to lose Ted for a while.

That's okay.

We might have record with joining us here.

Go ahead, Ted.

Be right back with us, man.

Don't take too long.

Ted will be back, everybody.

We still have Tuck.

We've got Ponce's Bakery.

Ponce's Bakery.

I think Nunu might get a kick out of that.

We're going to call the Ponce's Bakery.

This is in California.

Ponce, P-O-N-C-E, that is my dad's hometown in Puerto Rico.

We'll be right back with the next prank call of the night.

In just one moment, you're listening to Madhouse Radio, live, Thursday, October the 25th, 10.37 p.m.

Thank you.

One moment, please.

Madhouse Radio, what's going on?

Hey, what's up, man?

Rick, what's going on, stranger man?

New York?

Myself and my cigar.

Really?

That's good, man.

You got a lot of contacts, a lot of phone numbers and all that shit?

Yeah.

Yeah, I kind of got a job offer.

Fuck that.

You've got to move, too, at the same time, huh?

Yeah, so it's going to be.

I mean, I'd have to have.

A lot of money sacked up.

Yeah, exactly.

I'd have to have, like, 20 grand.

You just keep doing your own shit in Ohio, man.

Yeah, I mean, I'm doing pretty well here.

I'm recording another national act tomorrow.

What is it exactly?

They're like T-Rex.

T-Rex, Milkman's a big fan of T-Rex.

We play their music here sometimes, man.

It's good.

Yeah, I fucking love.

I love all the glam rock shit.

Hell yeah, hell yeah, man.

That's awesome, dudes.

Yeah, so that's cool, keeping you busy, man, but good to hear you back on.

Did you ever remember that crazy black guy we had you call that one time?

Yeah.

With the gun?

Did you ever hear that we talked to his wife a few weeks after that?

Oh, what happened?

We talked to him like four or five times.

You saw the forums, right?

I sent you a link to the forums that we put up.

No, I didn't see that.

You didn't see the setup with the pictures of the studio and all that?

You didn't get to see that?

Oh, no, I've seen that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

If you go around to the prank section, they're up there.

They're called the stool sample.

I told her that the guy that you talked to, he needed to start taking stool samples, and she freaked out.

She got really mad.

We kept calling.

She kept trying to trace the call, but she was just...

Stool samples, huh?

Yeah.

Well, she kept calling me back, thinking she was tracing the call.

Well, she would hang up the phone and pick it right up in Dow Star 5-7.

But I was there the whole time.

That's hilarious.

Yeah, so I'd be like, yeah, this is the phone company.

She's like, yeah, someone just called here saying some stupid shit.

We'd fuck with her.

I was like, it's good, it's good.

Maybe I'll play it for you later, man.

But that was a good call that you did.

It's very popular right now.

Oh, God, dude, I've been playing forever.

Fucking hilarious, dude.

I was doing, like, the whole KDK tribute.

Yeah, well, it's funny because you come on and you're like,

Like, yeah, I can do any voice character that KDK can do, but better.

And sure enough, this guy's like, oh, he's like, I got a big black gun, motherfucker.

Like, nah, he's just all pissed off.

He doesn't like that Joe, I don't know.

I don't know, he didn't like Joe.

No, sir, no, sir.

No, sir, you want to do some prankage since we're talking about it?

Well, fuck yeah, that's what I'd call it, yeah.

Yeah, we got Fast Freddy's Liquor.

Fast Freddy's Liquor.

A Mexican woman.

Burger Ranch.

Rooster's Honky Tonk.

Ponce's Bakery.

Zippy.

Fast Freddy.

Rooster Honky Tonk.

Rooster's Honky Tonk.

A redneck woman answered there.

All right, so this is in Oklahoma.

I have no idea what time it is there.

I'm going to send you the details.

If I can find you again.

There you go.

Probably like 8.

Probably, right?

Oklahoma, yeah.

8, 9, 40, probably 9, 8, 9 o'clock.

Hennessy.

Hennessy, Oklahoma.

That's weird.

That's ironic.

That's funny.

All right, hang on, Recklude.

We're going to do that right now.

All right, man?

All right.

Hang on, everybody.

Recklude on the line.

More prank calls.

It sounded like she said, no, they don't, they don't, they hate niggers down there is

I think she said no to whatever.

No, we don't like him here.

As a matter of fact, how'd you find out?

Let's call back.

This guy will come in in a second.

In any second now, this fucker will come back on and I'll call him back.

You bunch of fucking...

You just said no, I don't...

This is the first time I've answered the phone.

Sweetheart, this is the first time I've answered the phone.

This is the second time I called.

Sweetheart, you can hand me the phone.

Okay, well, what other...

Who else is working there?

Can I help you with something?

Yeah, I just went there. Whatever broke the phone.

And I addressed that problem, but...

Okay, we'll address it right now. Get him on the phone and apologize to me right now.

I'm not going to embarrass the person.

You ever heard of the NASA on your ass? You work for...

Is there something I can do for you?

Yeah, and once you get somebody on the phone, a racist...

I've already apologized for...

Oh, I thought you said you were...

I don't even know what was said, but I apologize for whatever was said.

Well, I mean, so there's...

They won't complain about us, but you just said,

God damn you, hillbilly.

Well, yeah, but...

You know what I'm saying? I mean, you...

That's not fair to me, because I just now answered the phone.

Yo, we'll get Mo... We'll get...

We're not trying to get you taken care of, okay?

We'll get...

Nothing that I can do for you...

We speak your name.

...rooster.

You do not have a problem with African-Americans.

Racine or just regular gasoline when you put...

Neither.

Okay, what are you using?

Do not burn crosses here.

Okay, where do you burn them?

We do not burn crosses, period.

Problem with African-Americans.

Do you just burn them?

Nope, we have no problem with African-Americans.

Okay, well...

But I don't like that word, and I don't...

I don't like it either.

That's why I'm calling.

I don't consider anyone that.

Well.

The boys on the block, and I don't have those words.

I don't say those words.

I don't call people those words.

I just need to know what I can help you with.

You ever had the parents yet?

Not with anybody unless I know who they are.

The bar is night on Thursday night, and Pitcher's here on Wednesday night.

Who down there?

We do.

We don't have any specials on food.

We have fried chicken.

Oh, you gotta be.

They're mine.

What kind of shit is that?

Someone down there?

You call Ishan's, and do you do this to Ishan's?

Look up Ishan's, E-I, because they are the longest standing...

But I mean, what else do you serve?

You might talk to them for...

Serve.

We have okra, green beans, fried green beans, fried mushrooms...

What about meat?

Down with the squizas.

We have hot sausages, corn dogs...

Okay, and of all those foods, which one you want to talk about is fried chicken or black meat?

...to a Caucasian person or a Hispanic person.

I would also tell them the first thing would be...

Oh, really? Fried chicken, huh?

Yes.

Oh, you wouldn't tell a Caucasian. You'd probably tell them the...

Right?

No, I would not.

Fried chicken is our specialty. That is what we cook.

That is our most ordered food.

Do that. They'll tell you chicken. Fried chicken.

Oh, really?

A fried chicken. Yes, sir.

Yeah.

Are you Hennessy?

Not sure what that is, so apparently...

Okay, well, that could be... That's for sheltered.

Sometimes we do. Most of the time we do not.

Okay. What would I be?

We do not.

I would be perfectly fine if that's what you choose to wear.

Okay, what about one pant leg up?

Um, that would be perfectly fine if that's what you choose to wear.

Do you know what...

I do, but we don't profile people when they walk in the door.

If you cause problems, then anybody that walks in the door,

don't care what race they are, if they cause problems, then they're out.

You guys get a lot of help...

We do not. That's up to you. I'm just trying to figure out what you would like.

Okay, well, I'm trying to figure... You know what I'm saying?

You know, I'm just trying to figure...

Try to hide anything. I'm straight up as they come.

Waiting for you to let me know what you would like.

I need a couple apologies.

I told you I would address the problem, but I'm not going to do it in front of customers.

Okay, why don't you do it?

If you want to call back on Saturday around 5 o'clock, then you can do that,

but I'm not going to do it while we're open for business.

If you'd like to call back around 5 o'clock on Saturday, we can take care of the problem,

but I'm not going to do it during business hours.

So you can be racist during the week, you're just not racist on Saturday at 5?

That's not true. I will not be here until Saturday at 5.

I told you that African Americans are perfectly fine to come in here.

We do not have a problem with them.

Oh, so you're just racist over the phone?

If you need something from the restaurant right now, then I can help you.

Other than that, I need you to call back at 5 o'clock on Saturday for me, please.

Oh, is that when the black people...

Two drinking fountains in there?

We do not.

Everybody drinks from the same thing.

We have a men's room and a women's room.

What about for...

That's a trick question.

You may go in a men's room or a women's room no matter what.

What?

You let men-

You let a p-

Women's re-

Women's room.

Women in the win-

Women's room.

Okay.

Sorry.

Tranny's down there, do you-

No, I do not.

You can tell me I'm laying all you want, but I have no clue what you were just talking about.

Okay, tranny's. You know what a sexual is?

At one movie.

I know what you're talking about.

I mean that they're not welcome.

They're more than welcome in here.

As far as I know-

What if people beat their ass?

We haven't got any in here.

Yeah, you never had a tranny in there, you sure?

I'm not sh-

That's what I'm saying.

on anybody.

Anybody is welcome in this establishment as long as nobody cause problems.

I'm here right now.

...who is trying to enjoy their meal.

Someone that is upset on the phone can talk to them.

No, I'm chill.

Not what I've been trying to do is help you, okay?

It's cool. Just put them on the phone.

And things that you have said, no, calling me a liar, telling me that I'm lying, that offends me.

I'm not lying to you.

That offends me just as bad as somebody who would be racist against you would offend you.

That is not true at all.

...other, a customer, just because another person who called wants to speak to them.

Okay.

If you know the customer's name that you would like to speak to that is here, then I have no problem handing it over to you.

Ronnie.

I do not have a Ronnie here.

Fred here.

I don't have a Fred here either.

No, I know you didn't.

No, I didn't want it.

Did you guess that name?

The customer's playing pool.

I have...

Oh, my God.

Pool.

...by that.

The American I have in here is in here every single day.

If you don't think he's safe, he does, and that's what matters.

He's going to...

Well, for how long?

Apparently forever.

He's been here every single day since we've opened.

Hmm.

What is he, a statue?

No, he's not.

What is he, a mannequin?

No, he is not.

people that wear hats. There's a lot of people that doesn't tell me that you know who it is

because there's a lot of people that wear hats in here. Yeah, I know he's wearing a hat. You

know I know what I'm talking about. A hat does not describe a person. A name does. Nope. Can't

guess his name. That's his middle name. I know the name that he goes by in that. Lamont. You

go ask him. You might as well think about names because you didn't tell me his name to begin with.

You're just guessing names. What you're doing is guessing names, so I'm not going to hand him

the phone i'm talking about the other people in the bar i'm just gonna tell you whether you're

hot or cold and you've named more than 10 names and none of those names are people that are in

this bar so you're not going around the bar my customers john to help you with something but if

all you're doing is wanting to talk to a customer that you don't even know who they are then i need

to free up this line for customers who need something i would like to call back at saturday

at 5, then we will discuss this

more. But right now,

I need to go so that other customers

can call in if they need to.

Ralph. It was very nice

talking to you. I am sorry for any

problems that were caused tonight.

And I would love to talk to you Saturday at

5. And I will talk to you later. Thank you.

Solar.

Did you see Solar at the end?

That was good, man.

That was funny. She kept you online

for so long, too. I know, dude. I had to.

I couldn't bow out because

Because, you know what I'm saying?

Like, you can't get one.

Let me call Fast Freddy's Liquor.

Minutes to your car.

Before calling Fast Freddy's, this was in Whittier, California.

Let me clear the line first.

Let me send it to you.

Hang on there.

I joined in, too.

My bad.

I was trying to fix the stream for Syndicate Radio.

I was trying to fix it, that whole call.

So, luckily, it was good that you were actually taking a long call,

because it gave me a chance to fix it all.

So, good.

Oh, sweet.

Perfect timing, my friend.

Yeah, like, went nowhere.

No, it was good. No, it was good.

He's looking at the other director, lynching her.

Lynching him.

Naming out black names, Leroy.

Oh, man.

Alright.

Fast Freddy Zucker, hang on.

You can stay on, right?

You don't gotta go?

Oh, no, no. I'm good.

I mean, I'm just...

Alright, cool.

How you doing, man?

I might try to fuck me on one chick down there.

You know what I mean?

I gave you a 20.

I tried to buy some motherfucking Hennessy.

Yeah, you go look at that.

Where you from?

Oh, $16.

yeah so I gave you 21 my change a motherfucker why didn't you give me my

change what where you from no you cuz you don't understand you try to I grew

up in here so you don't understand I tell you the price no I bought it

already didn't give me no change you know that's when I give you $20 $10

I won't get drunk on a banger over in a hotel.

No.

What you doing in America?

You gotta get punchin' in their cash register and then the number pi-

Sell 20 packs.

Whole day I don't sell 20 packs.

No, I'm not talking about a twi- I'm talking about Hennessy.

Yeah.

You gotta be- you don't- California, you don't sell-

Don't sell Hennessy, okay?

That's not to ring it up right, cause I bought Hennessy.

Oh yeah.

See you today.

Bastard.

You were down there in Whittier.

Okay, well-

I didn't-

Change.

English is not even a language.

Yeah.

Jeepers online was saying Four Finger Freddy, the thumb is just a bonus.

You remember that?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I was listening to that.

The Four Finger Freddy, the thumb is just a bonus.

Four Finger Freddy.

Oh, shit.

Let's call somewhere as Four Finger Freddy.

That's a good idea.

You want to call Britain?

The UK as Four Finger Freddy?

We got Dorothy West.

Dorothy West.

All right.

In Manchester.

Yeah, yeah.

You should do an intro for me or something.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Act British or some shit.

All right.

I'll break it in for you.

We got Four Finger Freddy.

And Carlito coming in.

Tressa, how are you, my dick?

Yes, hello, my friend Freddy.

Would like to speak to you now about an urgent matter.

Freddy, go ahead.

How you doing?

Bitch, hey, how are you getting out?

What the fuck do you think you're doing?

Hey, you gotta introduce me again.

Like, every time you call, you have, like, free attention.

More for your Freddy.

All right, hang on a minute, bud.

Bitch.

No one says I look like Emeril.

I don't look like Emeril.

I got video up, right?

No.

HouseLive.com, watch me.

I know, yeah.

Look at that shit.

These international waters, man.

Man, that never worked.

Fuck that bitch.

Yeah, sorry.

Let me try to call Ian West.

Arthur Bell.

Also here.

Let Alexander Graham Bell kick his ass.

That's probably fucking true anyway.

Jesus.

You're like Long Lost Cousin from the U.S.

Yeah.

My camera.

I want to kick it up.

Fuck us up with the U.K., man.

I

sir.

I came down on these prank calls.

I don't have any other countries yet.

God damn it.

Anybody out there?

Number for Australia.

We need numbers.

You know, we actually called two weeks ago.

We were calling Libya, was it?

Holy shit.

We called Burger King in Dubai, I think it was.

And we kept trying to call Baghdad, but all they got was voicemail.

Voicemail.

We get through the voicemail, it was like,

Fucking voicemail.

What the fuck are they doing?

Building explosive vests and shit like that.

All right.

Got one here locally, not locally, but California.

Thai dishes.

T-H-A-I, like Thailand.

Thai dishes, huh?

Yeah, what else we got? We got the burger ranch.

What the fuck kind of stupid shit is that?

The burger ranch.

Yeah, let's call that act like cowboys or some shit.

I'll bring him straight to you. Here we go.

The burger ranch.

Quarter pound burger isn't that bad.

That's a fucking good deal.

I'd choose into you at first one.

Hey, I'm gonna call the fuck you bitch motherfucker guy.

The who?

I'm going to call, you'll see what I mean.

I'll do this one.

You listen to this here, if I can find the damn number.

This is Sam, we've called him like tons and tons of times.

You'll see what I'm talking about.

I like this character, I'm going to stick to who we call.

I'll start it.

What's going on, is Sam there?

Sam, Sam the Donut.

I'm not fucking joking, where's Sam at?

Where's Sam at?

Where's Sam?

Hey, my syndicate radio died again.

Where are you, sweetie?

Where's Sam at?

I'm Sam's friend.

Hey, Sam, do I have the wrong store?

There's no Sam that works there?

Sam usually has me check in on the hotness of the donuts, so I'm calling a check-in.

Can you ask in a very loud voice for Sam?

Sam, ask for Sam in a loud voice.

Maybe he's in there eating a donut.

Oh, just you and him by yourself?

You know the name of the person who's there, and you're by yourself with this guy, you don't know his name?

Are you having sexual relations with that man?

You shut up, jerk.

Who's this other Dunkin' Donuts that we call?

I think that was the wrong one.

This guy called Sam was really angry all the time.

I'd be pissed off.

No, Sam is crazy.

He's a guy that says, fuck you, bitch, motherfucker to me all the time.

Fuck you, bitch, motherfucker.

That's when you were missing.

You bitch, motherfucker.

Oh, yeah?

We got to call him, then.

We got a number in Australia.

We got a Pizza Hut in Australia.

Uh-oh.

We got the King in Dubai again that we called two weeks ago or so.

Pizza Hut.

It's a Pizza Hut.

Like I said, we've got the Burger King in Dubai, which is the United Arab Emirates.

He was in Dubai, but he ended up leaving, and now they're suing him or something for leaving early.

Something weird happened like that

He's being sued by the

He's being sued by that prince

That was like trying to get him

To make an album for him

Or something

That's so fucking

He burns like every bridge he has

He'll be friends with somebody

For like

Like a few months

And then he'll fuck him over

And leave him like all broke

He'll renege on a deal

And then he goes somewhere else

He's such a dick man

Fuck Michael Jackson

That asshole

I don't care how good

That fucker sings

Fuck that guy man

Nah he's

I mean he's fucked

Fucked for life

He's a wackanut

He's a wackanut man

Alright so

So let's coin here.

Hold on a second.

I haven't got a goddamn coin.

All right, I'm going to CD here.

Oh, shit.

All right, I got a CD.

It's a visor.

A lot of the Arabians go there to drink.

Like, the bridge heading back and the right of the border,

it's like there's, like, beer bottles all over the side.

Yeah, there is.

I know.

We were going to go up there, but I had to sneak off base.

I didn't want to get court-martialed.

I was supposed to go there with some fucking Kuwaiti guys.

Fuck that.

But we're going to get some fucking hookers and shit.

Head to tail is the Burger King, right?

So it is the Burger King.

Is that what happened?

I'm sorry.

Yeah, you got somebody else, like Indians or shit, running around.

Yeah, in Dubai, they got a lot of Indians that work, do all the dirty work for them.

They're building that big-ass tower out there for no reason.

Oh, fuck.

Those Arabic guys do not fucking work.

None of them do.

Nope.

They got it made.

Man, they got so much money out there.

So there's a lot of hookers in Dubai.

I didn't know that.

I didn't know there were that.

I'm pretty sure, dude, anywhere that's got money.

Oh, shit.

You ever chew any cat?

You ever do that?

That is that weird room they chew over there.

They do that a lot in Dubai.

They chew cat.

No.

You never heard of that before?

like a leaf or a root and it gets you gets you fucked up really yeah they're really it's like

all over africa and somalia and yeah oh somalia those motherfuckers i know what you're talking

about they got something they won't give it to anybody they're fucking bunch of bricks

they won't give me no fucking cat or whatever you fucked up man i won't give me their cat

fuck them yeah fuck them all right here we go burger king it's a burger king slash kfc i never

never heard of Burger King and KFC together oh it's together yeah it's one of those express

deals I think because the last time I was asking him like do you have a bacon burger he's like no

we don't have bacon burger here I was like well the fuck not man what the fuck it's not fair oh

yeah there you go that's a good idea there you go all right here comes that hang on everybody

no you tell me you want to how much I mean yeah okay how long yeah what do you know

Yeah, the goats, uh, don't...

Yes, sir.

You gotta keep going down to get down to this level.

I think that's about chickens and...

Yeah, they love goats out there.

They're really big on goat loving.

Got some more stuff.

Because if they get caught cheating on their wives,

they'll get their dicks cut off and hung and shit.

So they end up fucking goats and stuff.

Oh, shit, yeah, get some rest.

I got an exam tomorrow, too, so I know how it feels, man.

Exam?

Yes, sir, an exam.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

You college shit.

School shit, yeah, man.

We'll see.

Good having you back around,

and stay in touch, and thanks for calling in, man.

Absolutely. Take care, buddy.

Take care, bro.

All right, there we go.

Cleared to throw it out.

Sexy.

Wow, we were on a phone with a reclute for a long time, man.

It was a long, long call.

But good, though.

But good.

Is anybody out here still?

Tuck?

Ted?

Who's around still?

Drowning off.

The Warriors in here.

What's going on, Warriors?

Yo, what's up?

Warriors around.

Ted.

Tuck.

That's about it.

The Milkman was checking in here earlier about, uh, when was that?

Wow, almost an hour ago.

Well, we were on the phone with Reckless for like over an hour, dude.

I didn't even realize.

The time just flew.

That's interesting.

I promised that I was going to end the show in about 19, 20 minutes.

So there it is.

Ted, if you want to call in now to do some prank calls with us, now's the time.

We've got a bunch of numbers like international.

We've got like Jerusalem and Lebanon here coming in from Lonesome Loser.

Is Ted even around?

Ted, you there?

Report.

Ted, Ted, come in, Ted.

Ted, Ted, Ted.

Hello, Ted.

Oh, man.

That sucks.

Apparently.

Hi.

Oh, there he is.

Apparently, Sam the Donut Man is no longer working at that donut shop that we just called, Dunkin' Donuts.

Sam is no longer there.

That's horrible.

We will never talk to Sam the Donut Man again, everybody.

It is over.

Yeah.

I'm surprised to see Katie Kate was actually in the TeamSpeak there for a little while, huh?

That's interesting.

I had to put him on mute.

I don't know what his mic quality is like.

There it is.

So, Ted, you calling in or what?

What's going on?

Ted?

Ted, Ted, Ted.

Going once.

Going twice.

No sale.

Oh, yeah.

Well, there it is.

I would like to announce

matter of fact

I get a feeling

he's calling in

oh he's calling in

okay alright

so let me not announce

anything until he calls in

because I wanted to talk

to him about this

on the air

well we had

really good news

yesterday

I don't know

if it's good news

apparently

I know you know

about this Tuck

Ted knows about this

a few other people

know about this

I'm sorry

I'm like distracted

by the game

I got a message here

I got an email

from a visitor

to the website

a casting director

director for a reality show by Viacom, CBS.

I've talked to her several times now.

I talked to her earlier today as well as yesterday.

She is looking for pranksters for a reality show that CBS bought the rights for,

and they're looking for people like me to be on a reality show

surrounding the world of prank calls.

I kid you not.

Well, not prank calls, I'm sorry, the world of pranks.

So it's everything from, per her words, everything from punk to jackass to jerky boys to Jamie Kennedy, so she says.

And I actually talked to her again today, and I said, hey, you know, lady, you know, I don't do, like, you know,

I'm not the kind of guy that goes up to a guy in public and kicks him in the nuts and runs away and thinks it's funny.

You know, I do prank calls.

She's like, well, I talked to my boss, and he said, there's room for you.

They're trying to get every type of prank call that is out there, every type of prankster that's out there.

And I talked to her more and I was like, you know, CBS is a very, you know, they do really PG reality shows.

They do Survivor and Amazing Race and Kid Nation.

Nothing too risque like pranks.

And she said, well, yeah, keep in mind that it's probably going to either be on the CW, she told me,

or it might be on Spike or MTV or something like that.

So apparently I'm in the contention now to be on a reality show that's going to be taping for six to eight weeks in L.A.

Yeah, I'm very excited about that.

I know.

It is.

And a lot of people probably don't believe it, but I have the audio to prove it.

I will not play it because it's confidentiality things here.

She went into particulars about the show, but I've talked to her several times.

The problem is I actually have to do – they need a video prank.

They need to see something on video.

They need three submissions, they said, for the audition.

They need three different pieces.

And they said they'll take two prank calls.

So the important thing is I don't know which – I had to go through my entire catalog of prank calls and find the best two for this audition to send to CBS, number one.

Number two, I'm going to have to come up with an actual prank that I'm going to have to get recorded.

So I've got my people.

I've got Will, former co-host of the show here with me, who took over after Andy left.

He's not available to co-host any longer now due to his schedule, but he's interested in helping out.

and I've got a few other people who are knowledgeable about this type of thing,

you know, recording and editing video.

I don't know anything about it.

So I need to come up with a prank to do in public,

something that I can do in public to record, to submit as my audition tape.

I'm really excited about the possibility of being on TV.

That would be really, really cool.

EarthDog says get Zolar on that show.

I will.

What I'm going to do, I'm going to, when I talk to this lady again,

She says she'll be calling me tomorrow again.

And if it's a prank, I don't know.

I was really skeptical when I first got the email.

I was like, this has to be a listener out there who's just having fun.

And if it is a prank, it's the best prank that's ever been played on me.

It's way better than the 98.6 amount thing that we ever did.

But I kid you not, I guess I'm being considered for that.

Apparently, KDK also got the email as well.

So that tells you, I think this lady is casting a really wide net.

But I'll be damned if KDK gets picked over me for a damn reality show.

God damn it.

But I have no idea.

I'm going to have to come up.

I have two to three weeks to record a video prank in public.

Really excited about it.

I hope it works.

You need an equivalent of a prank that will have, like, the...

The what?

Okay.

Talk out nervous and stop talking.

Even Milkman doesn't know about this.

I really should have kept it a secret.

Probably not a good thing.

Well, she's not...

I told her to listen to the show, but I think tonight's show has been so...

No, she's probably not listening still.

Even if she is, I haven't really given out anything in particular.

But if you guys have any suggestions of what I could do in public and record on video

to submit to CBS in the next two to three weeks, see if I can get on this show.

I doubt I'll get picked up.

Number one, I'm very overweight.

They don't like putting overweight people on the TV machine.

And I don't know.

I don't know.

My chances with things like this never really pan out.

But it's out there.

So may the best band win.

Their prizes, she said, they're going to be giving out money.

He's six to eight weeks paid and stuff like that out there in L.A.

So that'd be cool.

I've never been to the West Coast.

It'd be interesting.

Nunu's making a good point.

We have 12.

Making a lot of live pranks is hard.

Yeah, it is hard.

It's kind of risky, too.

I could get arrested.

That'd be bad.

But, you know, when I was younger, I used to do a bunch of stupid pranks in person,

usually at the Walmart in the city that I grew up in.

I would always mess with people out there.

And we actually videotaped quite a few of them.

But I'd be damned if I'm going to be able to find out where a tape of one of that from, like, 1998.

Like shaving cream, like sleeping guys with shaving cream on their face?

No, no, nothing like that.

Well, I actually think last week I was telling the stories, like, how I put a 44-ounce cup on top of my car and drive around the parking lot.

People would be like, hey, you got a cup on top of your car.

And I curse them out, and they get all pissed off.

off and then uh well we talked about when they used to take carts like uh the grocery carts and

they used to we used to um toss them into cars and i tossed it into a police cruiser once and we came

back i talked about this i got drunk i think the last show i did and i started spilling the beans

about all this stuff all that dumb shit but i've had an idea for a long time i want to buy an air

horn and just go in public in public settings and just start using the air horn and and and

and capture people's reactions to it.

Like, I was thinking, like, I'd be in, you know, in line at the bank,

and I would just use it, you know, just blow the air horn for no reason,

or maybe behind someone at a drive-thru and just blow the air horn as they're trying to do their thing.

That's a bit of, this stuff is, really, I need to, I need to step it up a notch.

I need to, I need to be thinking like Steve-O and Johnny Knoxville if I'm going to get on this show.

I need to step it up, so I definitely need to come up with some, with some shit.

Sounds like what they're going for there, yeah.

yeah yeah i'll see i'll see if i can get uh get some ideas i got two to three weeks i got a lot

of planning it's going to be hard man and it's in the middle of the semester man this is a rough

time for me this is the the heart of the of the fall semester for me at school i've got an exam

every week it's insane you know i'm saying so yeah we got 10 minutes left in the show dtt

DTT says, put me on the show.

Get my name out.

I was first fan of your show.

Well, yeah, we'll see about that, man.

We'll see about that.

Who knows?

Maybe KDK will be on the show and I'm not.

Any ideas about that?

I don't know.

I see Baz is joining us here as well.

Baz, what's up, man?

Good to see you here.

What's up, Baz?

That's funny.

Prankmaster got kicked out in the chat room.

We got, uh...

Huh?

We got what?

Boogie.

I don't know what we got, but we got it.

We got it, brother man.

We got it.

Okay.

Let me, um...

Let me see if I can get a hold of Milkman.

How about that?

That sounds like a good idea.

i don't know i think i'm just gonna end the show dude i'm getting tired i'm on my fifth beer the

game is starting to get good here hey man can you hear me now yes i do yes i do we're cutting

the show off everybody that's really cool about that opportunity for the reality show i hope you

get it yeah we'll see i mean that'll go far in it anyway i'm not into i mean because she said like

you'll be you'll be assigned a mission on a weekly basis and you have to um you know you'll get

eliminated i'll probably be the first or second person to get eliminated but i mean i grew up

up doing pranks like that in public but it's been at least 10 years since i've done stuff like that

in a public setting i would need andy if andy was around he's a he's a dude me and him together

we're a team him me him and our other friend mike who listens to the show occasionally he's a podcast

subscriber speaking of which i need to update the podcast very bad um guys i'm calls in and takes

over it was a slow night but that's fine um like i said i'm very tired i'm on i'm on low batteries

i've got an exam tomorrow and that's all that i'm thinking about right now i need to do really

I'm aiming for an 88% on this exam

for tomorrow, so wish me luck

I don't know, everybody

be sure to listen to Zolar tomorrow, Zolar will be on

tomorrow night, is Ted out there

at all, Ted, see Ted's not even on the mic

the phone hasn't rung, I'm waiting for Ted to call in

I assumed he was going to call in

because he hasn't volume

off, but I don't even know where he is

maybe he's on phone trouble, I don't know, maybe

I hope he's okay, alright Ted, well we waited

for you, but I shot

the shit. I was having Vista trouble

earlier. Oh, God, Vista.

I've got a copy of Vista. I'm going to put it

on the cam, everybody.

So y'all can see this right here.

That's my copy of Vista that I got.

A legitimate copy of Vista

Home Premium that I have here that came with my

PC, which I have refused

to install. I'm still using XP

Media Center

Edition. I'm not going to install that

Vista for like a year, man. I don't want to.

Because anybody I talk to, they've got

I've got nothing but complaints about Vista.

I've got a Vista Home Premium Express upgrade disc right here.

I promise.

Let me give Zolar a call.

Zolar wants me to give him a call.

Let me find his number here.

Actually, Zolar, if you could do me a favor, could you IM me your phone number real quick?

Let me send him a message.

We'll call Zolar, and we'll call it a night here.

We're going to have a brief contact with Zolar.

Like I said, he'll be on tomorrow night at 10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time on Syndicate Radio.

Very good show.

Please listen.

Be sure to visit madhouselive.com.

We'll be back on next week.

I will update the podcast this weekend.

so that we have all that shit up.

You know, we were behind on the podcast a week.

One episode is missing.

We'll update that.

And DTT, don't worry.

I promise everybody if I make it on this reality show,

which I give myself a 10% chance of making it,

and if I make it on this stupid reality show,

DTT, you'll get a mention.

Don't worry about it.

Hang on, everybody.

We're going to call Zolar here for a second.

Just a moment, please.

Come across like, you know, with a certificate to your face on camera.

Yeah, I'm laying myself down.

I don't know, man.

I'm just not into the whole video pranking thing.

I'm more of an audio pranker.

But the ladies...

Listen, I'll give you a consumer and kind of time.

Okay, tell me.

Shoot.

You can get them.

I can get some kids, yeah.

Yeah, just a couple of kids.

And you make them have the lemonade

a little bit apart from each other,

maybe about 20 feet.

And then you wear, you know, some...

And they have the lemonade.

That was the last year.

And, you know, you can ask them,

Bob, here's a t-shirt and a little...

Oh, man.

Yeah, you can fill...

Load it up with salt.

Come by and they'll taste the lemonade

and you'll be able to see it on their face.

Lemonade, glass, and ten cents a cup.

All you have to do is fill out this survey,

and, you know, I'm trying to beat my competitor,

and that you could do from behind the scenes on video.

I bet you most of the adults will be like,

oh, that's very good, yeah, thank you, yeah, huh, good.

Yeah, and you could stamp up on the video, liar.

Yeah, exactly.

See, that's the kind of stuff I'm talking about.

That's what I'm talking about.

And then you could put, like, little scrolls across,

like, this guy is an excellent liar,

or this person is a terrible liar,

by the expressions on their face.

You couldn't caption it.

Yeah, and they'd have the kids somehow say

he actually peed in it or something like that,

or, I ran out of water.

No, I don't know if you want to go that far.

I mean, like, this is all PG I'm thinking about.

Now, here's another one that you could do

without having to get, like, children involved.

Okay.

Yeah, anybody else.

Right.

Now, you take a paper towel,

and you put it inside of a plastic Ziploc bag,

nice and wet.

Right, okay.

And you put it in your hand.

The wetness about the kind of direction,

you know what time it is,

and then you make believe you're about to sneeze,

and you put it out.

That's right.

All right, well, you can do that with a beer can, too.

You ever do that?

I've done that to people before where you snap the beer can right behind their neck

and you act like you sneeze.

It feels like you sneeze all over the back of their head.

You ever do that before?

Oh, no, I don't think I know.

But things like this is what they might be looking for.

So if you need two free ideas that you can build off of,

don't put yourself down so much, man.

Nobody likes to, like, uh...

Stop being a faggot, damn it.

That's cool.

Well, yeah, well, speaking of which,

Kenny K, he got the e-mail, too.

He said, I mean, without even asking him,

I mean, he was mentioning last night that he got contacted by the same lady,

so I guess it's between me and...

Well, I believe that, you know, they want to get, like, you know, a comedy show going.

I mean, his saloon is comedy, you know, with a big eye, crazy lip, and all that stuff.

They might like that, or they might not.

So it might work for him or against him.

Or against him.

It's going to go with his look.

If they like his look, he might get picked up no matter how sucky you or anybody else might think that he is,

which he isn't.

He has his own little talent about him.

and I'm not really putting him down in any way.

I'm just saying, he's either in or out on the way of his crazy look,

but you don't have a crazy look.

Knowing him, I think his video that he's going to submit

is probably going to be him fucking Siobhan.

Yeah, I don't think that's what they're looking for.

Do you really think that's what they're looking for?

It's not, but I think knowing him, he's going to be like...

From what I heard you say, like Spike TV or maybe an MTV or something like that.

Well, it's Viacom. It's Viacom.

I said to the ladies straight up, it's CBS.

CBS, I mean, you're talking about Viacom, right?

She's like, yeah, Viacom.

I was like, so, so, I mean, I told her literally, I was like, you know, I know CBS isn't going to put this on.

She's like, well, actually, CBS bought the rights.

They might put it on because there's a writer's strike coming up.

The Writers Guild is going on strike.

So all the networks are buying up all the reality shows because they're not going to have any original content.

If it's an extended strike, there's not going to be any writing.

No one's going to be writing shows.

So they're going to have to go to reality shows only.

That doesn't mean that some company that's very ethical

and has a lot of Christian followers and supporters

are going to go to unethical material.

You got a point.

But they have Comedy Central.

They have MTV.

They have, what else do they have?

BET, Spike.

She told me CW.

She said if it doesn't end up on CBS, the regular network,

it'll probably be on the CW.

I'm like, whatever, fine.

That's cool, whatever.

I mean, TV is TV for me.

I don't care.

I'm doing it for fun.

Something like going up behind somebody with an air horn, you know,

they could probably sue you because you hurt their ears or, you know, all that.

That's what I'm afraid.

I'm afraid I'm going to come across as that.

They'll take two prank calls, they said.

They said, you can submit your prank calls.

And she said, I talked to my boss today, and I don't know if he – she's heard my stuff.

She has heard my stuff, and she likes it, she said.

She said, her boss is okay with it, but they need at least one video

because in the end, I'll be on TV.

I'll be on video

and they need to make sure

that I work out

on video

you know what I mean

they need to make sure

that it's going to work out

so it's an exciting thing

I'm 90% sure

it's legit

if not

this lady is the best

you know

flubber

that has ever been

but

well listen

there's two free ideas

from me

I mean

you know

you tell the story

of the fake Halloween

scarecrow

I got dozens of them

it's a prank

that he

you know

he tells the story

and also humorous

you know

that you could be

and guys with these type of ideas and things.

Well, she told me at the end that she said, like,

she thinks that at the end of it,

they might actually offer a show to whoever wins the whole thing.

It's an elimination type thing.

She said it's not the type of reality show where you live in a house.

It's going to be where you just get a weekly thing,

but the winner is going to get, you know,

as you progress, you get more prizes and money.

And at the end, I think she said that they're probably going to offer a show.

Here's another good one you can do.

Hey, Tuck said something about a scarecrow thing you did last year or something.

Oh, well, I would do that.

So, like, that's the same thing that's been there all week,

and all of a sudden it's standing up.

They freak out.

Right, right.

That's good.

Because they're used to seeing it.

That's good.

I didn't think that, you know, Halloween is coming up this weekend, right?

No, no, next week.

That's the perfect time to do some pranks on people

because it's a little more acceptable.

Right, right.

All right, but any time other than Halloween,

say if you went out to the local, like, mall, for instance,

and you had your friends videotaping from a distance,

and you played a bunch of, and you held up on the street,

and you're like, sorry, kid, you had your chance.

See you then.

oh man

that's good

it's a lot of ideas

Zola hey thanks man

I might do the

the lemonade one

sounds like a pretty good idea

I'll see you get my little cousin

in on that

that sounds good

we gotta talk

we gotta talk man

yeah

thanks I appreciate it bro

and you're gonna be on

tomorrow night right

coming in

on the red carpet

and Sam's gonna be there

he's gonna be there

awesome I didn't realize

it was already

I'm gonna look

I'm gonna look forward

to listening to that

I'm watching it technically

I guess so yeah

most definitely Zola

hey man have a good night

Thanks for letting me give you a call.

Thanks for the donation, man.

I appreciate it, bro.

You got it, brother.

All right, man.

Zolar, everybody.

Take care, man.

Goodbye.

That wasn't Zolar saying goodbye.

That was some other white guy.

All right, we're done.

It is now 12.06 a.m.

Thank you.

Some other white dude.

Anybody want to say anything?

Tuck, any announcements you have?

Anything you'd like to say to the people who have been listening tonight?

It's been an average show, again, but good nonetheless.

Nothing but air checks from Tuck.

You're on, Ted.

Yeah, Tuck is getting ready to go full forward with his own station.

I'll be moving to the TED web network for my streaming here.

That's going to let me do some other things with the show that I think is going to be really positive.

So I appreciate that.

Ted, you're back.

That's good.

What happened to you?

You disappeared.

We were holding the lines for you, man.

We lost you.

We never heard from you.

You had to go?

I called Dave because I got worried that he showed up and disappeared.

Oh, okay.

Well, if he's okay, then he's okay.

That's all I'm worried about.

As long as Dave's okay, then we're okay.

Yeah, I've got to wrap up the show, man.

I need to get some sleep.

I've got a big exam tomorrow.

I'm taking it at the last minute.

I'm really worried because, you know, at the university I go to, we sit down in a lab.

There's a lab of about, it's got like I'd say maybe 200 computers in it.

And the way they do testing where I go, they have about, they probably have about, you know,

six or seven exams going on at one time every week.

The last day being Friday, you can take it.

So the afternoon, I mean, the lab is open until 930 to take your test.

And usually that's like the crunch time.

So if I get there around 6 o'clock, I run the risk that I'm going to be in line for two hours

and only have like an hour to do my exam.

So I'm kind of worried about that.

I'm worried if my car breaks down or if I get delayed at work or something happens,

I might miss this exam and that's a third of my grade.

So I'm kind of concerned.

I'm taking a big risk, went into the last minute to take it.

So I really need to get my rest.

But yeah, Ted, I'm sorry.

Ted, let's do a Saturday night show or something, man.

We'll be in luck with that.

I'll be fine.

I'm not worried about the exam.

Yeah, totally.

But you want to do a late night Saturday show like we did a few weeks ago?

Because that was a riot, man.

We had good fun with that.

Yeah, it was totally messed up.

I was supposed to get tomorrow off at work because they were rewarding us for working so hard on the last product we put out.

Right.

But it turns out I have a deadline tomorrow for the next one.

So I was like, hey, take Friday off.

Congratulations.

Yeah, right.

And I'm like, I can't take Friday off.

I have to meet the deadline, and I'm like, I'll take Monday off instead, so.

Well, Monday's good, though.

That's usually the busiest day.

So, yeah.

Yeah, I hate Mondays, so that should work.

Fridays are fine.

Yeah.

Well, you still get a three-day weekend out of it, though, so you're okay.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, tomorrow's Friday.

Casual day.

A nice Saturday show would work.

I get, yeah, good.

Yeah, we'll do that.

I get to wear jeans tomorrow to work.

I just realized that.

I'm excited.

I always get excited when I get to wear jeans to work on Friday, so this is a good time,

especially this time of year.

It's going to be great.

All right.

right we're out of here ted thank you ted i want to thank uh tuck of course for being on baz the

warrior was around here katie k was around apparently uh lonesome loser thank you man you

thank you for your services as always man um everyone who listened tonight syndicate radio

again like i said tomorrow zolar with a special show tomorrow from mutts uh mutts big party big

halloween bash be sure to check that out tomorrow at 10 p.m um be sure to listen to us madhouse

MadHouseLive.com, rotation 24-7, podcast is there.

The new forums, be sure to register for the forums.

Check out, we've got some prank calls there that are not going to be on the podcast anywhere else.

You need to go to the forums on MadHouseLive.com if you want to check those out.

They're available for download and to listen right there.

The forums at MadHouseLive.com, MadHouseLive.com forward slash forums.

Register, check it out, post, make yourself known, join the newsletter, subscribe to the newsletter that is.

Do all that shit.

I'd like to thank EarthDog for your support.

I'd like to thank Zolar for calling in.

I don't know who else contributed today.

Everybody who did.

If I'm forgetting you, I apologize.

Everybody who sent in numbers, too.

Thank you, everybody.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

We are out of here.

Thank you guys for being on.

And Milkman, I'm sure, will be back with us next week.

And we're out of here.

See you next week.

Have a good weekend.

And the Red Sox have just won the game, by the way.

Red Sox.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Go fuck you fucking people!

Calls (14, 47 min of 1 h 50 min)

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