2007-11-01 Show

Who plays?

What happens in America?

Well, we steamed your ass in World War II.

What do you have to do?

We never did.

And who helped you out just now?

You piss off, woman.

Don't talk to me like that.

We don't need you anyway, bitch.

Well, fuck you.

Call me a stinky, stinky fucker.

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Get ready to introduce the star of our show.

The young man you've all been waiting for.

Mr. Soul.

So what do you say?

Let's all get together and welcome him to the stand with a great big hand.

I got mono from Milkman, everybody.

How you doing?

This is Carlito, a recovering Carlito.

Still a little bit sick, but I'm doing a show.

God damn it.

I'm sick.

I'm not having it anymore.

I'm not having this sickness anymore.

I refuse to go down anymore.

Hey.

Madhouse Radio is back.

This is Carlito, the King of Thursday nights, the flatulent snake, the big gristle, big

papa gristle here on the air with you tonight, everybody.

Madhouse Radio is back.

Back 10, 16 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, November the 1st, the 1st of the month.

You know what that means.

Got my SSI this morning.

Doing good, man.

Doing good.

Yeah.

All listeners on SSI out there tonight, you guys owe me lunch.

You guys got money for the next few days.

Send a donation to the Madhouse site.

Waste that SSI check on Madhouse Radio, man.

Come on, put those dollars to use.

It's not yours anyway, punk.

What am I sick of?

I don't know what I'm sick of.

What the fuck was that, Milkman?

Milkman is here.

Milkman's making...

What's up, Milkman?

How you doing, you sick bastard?

You're sick, too.

Yeah, Milkman's here.

Yeah.

That's what he's talking about.

We have other people joining us in as well.

I understand Ted, Tuck, and Big Fat Stephen R here.

Also, what is going on, ladies?

Hey, hey.

Talk, man.

What's going on with the revolution?

You been doing shows on your revolution?

You been revolting?

You cock.

I've been revolting with the Halloween party.

I've been doing the Halloween party.

For a couple of past broadcast days, I'm having a Halloween party and shaking the booty.

A Halloween party and shaking the booty, Tuck is.

That's good.

Good for you, man.

Awesome.

How is Ted?

Ted, what is your report?

Reporting.

Good.

Reporting.

Ted is reporting.

Stephen R., what is your story?

Please report.

Stephen R.

This week has been simply marvelous.

Oh, good.

Good.

I'm glad you're having a good week.

Congratulations, man.

...you have used to dial are too fast.

I shit in my pants.

Did you shit in your pants?

I heard a rumor.

Milkman, stop the music, please.

Thank you, Milkman.

You're the man, dude.

I love you, dude.

We want you here in any way we can, man.

Thanks, man.

I'm happy you're on the show.

We missed you last week, all right?

Let's give it up.

Thank you.

I'm going to give it to you.

I've got to screw both of you.

You're a milkman.

It's been a wonderful last night for my birthday.

Oh, dude, that's right.

Last night.

Happy birthday, man.

What's going on?

happy birthday 48 years young milkman is celebrating a birthday what okay all right

awesome awesome milkman that sounds good hey uh on that note uh steven r did you have an accident

in your pants or something someone told me that something about you shit your pants last night

is that true do you still do that was it an accident what happened you did was it an accident

were you sick or do you just how did it happen were you at school or did you wake up and it

It was in your pants.

You made a duty.

What happened?

You can tell me.

It's okay.

It just happened.

Okay.

Did you eat something that you shouldn't have eaten maybe and you didn't make it to the bathroom in time?

It's okay if you didn't make it to the bathroom in time.

We're learning.

It's okay.

Don't be embarrassed.

It's okay.

It's okay if you didn't make it to the bathroom in time.

All right, everybody, if you want to call us here tonight, you can.

Don't be embarrassed.

The toll-free line is 1-

Oh, Jesus, God.

I'm going to have a good show tonight.

The toll-free line is 1-

Charlie Bratt.

Stephen know how to code brown

anyway gentlemen please

I have the floor

the toll free line is 1-888-278-8509

again toll free

888-278-8509

call us now

on the madhouse line

he said you got the dime

we got the time

milkman I received a prank call here tonight

a listener sent us a prank call

the guy sounds a lot like you man

I'm going to play that here rather shortly

late this gentleman here sounds a lot like you does anybody know who this guy derf is who is

derf do you guys know who he is is he on the up and up what's what's what's the derf story he sent

me a prank call today oh he sent me one too and i thought it was kind of funny i listened to it

like twice i'm gonna play in a second here well i i have a sneaky suspicion this guy is imitating

milkman and milkman club the country club yeah what did you think what would you rate that before

Before you play, what do you rate that?

Would you give it a good, an average, or something?

It's pretty funny.

It's a good five.

It's about a five.

Okay.

I thought it was all right.

It's okay.

We'll listen to that in a second here.

Anyway, again, that toll-free line, 888-278-8509.

Yeah, it needs work, but it's a five.

It's a five.

It's a good start.

That's from Tuck.

I gave it a seven.

Big fucking deal.

If you want to reach us here on the Messenger way, Madhouse Radio, if you're using Yahoo

or AOL Instant Messenger.

Again, that's Madhouse Radio

on AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger.

If you're using MSN Messenger,

that is MadhouseLive at Hotmail.com.

MadhouseLive at Hotmail.com

for those of you who are happening

to be using MSN Messenger

for some weird, wacky reason.

And that's it.

Go to the website, MadhouseLive.com.

That's where all the important information is

where you can reach us.

Be sure to get a hold of us tonight.

Speaking of which, getting a hold of us.

I want to spread some news here real quickly.

This is going to be, for those of you who listen to us on the exclusive Madhouse stream, 98.6 the mouth.

98.6 the mouth.

That's going to be changing the address, thanks to Ted.

I've been talking about this for three weeks now, I think.

But I promise I'm going to be making that change this weekend.

So be sure to go to the MadhouseLive.com website and update your browsers.

Also, please, everybody, please, you all need to go to the Madhouse Radio forums and check out what's going on in there.

There's a lot of stuff that you can't find anywhere else on the Internet or the website or the podcast or whatever it is Madhouse related.

So be sure you go to the forums at Madhouse live dot com Madhouse live dot com forward slash forums or just click on the forums button.

The page Jeepers on the website right now, speaking of which, on Madhouse live dot com Jeepers is asking us to call the carrot up the ass lady.

Yeah, we can do that.

That is the stool sample trilogy that's all right there, only to be found in the forums.

We've played the song.

We've played the prank here already.

It's about five or six calls, seven or eight, actually, because Rack would have even joined in at the beginning on this gentleman, Mr. Adolphus Cotton and his wife.

Be sure to check those out.

Thank you.

Milkman, good.

Okay.

I wanted to share a story with you all here, if I could, real quickly, on a serious note.

We got a call this week, and it was a very interesting call.

I got a call.

I got an email first of all

Let me read the email here

I think the kid might be listening tonight

I just wanted to share this story

It was a really really cool story

Milkman you haven't heard this yet

We've been out of communication since Sunday

But I did talk to Ted about this during the week

I wanted to share this with everybody here

We got an email from Billy

Billy apparently ran into our site

He was looking for prank calls online

Ran into our site

And Billy sent me an email

And it's coming up in just a second here I promise you

no it's not asking for my you you gotta love google man lately i've been having a hard time

with google man starting to get spam in my email and shit now it's just not not the same anyway so

this kid billy's going online he's looking for prank calls apparently he comes across the mad

house website madhouse live.com and he sees a prank call there uh which we uh we can play right

now actually milkman i guess we should kind of play this prank call let me find it here real

real quick prank call that we did on a 420 show when we did some afternoon shows a 420 experiment

as we called it we would start doing a show around 4 20 p.m every afternoon not every afternoon on

friday afternoons it's kind of fun we had a lot of listeners yeah it was a lot of laughs that's

right that's right so the manhouse 420 shows and we had a we had a prank there uh to harry's sweat

shop an actual business called harry's sweat shop in illinois and uh this came from lonesome loser

was uh wow this is in 2006 i want to say it was probably like april or march of 2006 so

we're talking about uh 20 20 months ago over a year and a half ago we called this this gentleman

here and i get an email from his son because apparently he hears this prank call and recognizes

this is his dad's shop that we prank called and he's all of a sudden he stumbled on it and i think

he's a teenager i'm not sure what the story is but i think he's a young guy he's a kid you know a

a lot of our listeners are kids so he was kind of pissed off at first but let's go ahead and play

the prank call here first i want everybody to be up to speed to what we're going to talk about here

this is harry sweatshop from march march of 2006 yes it is a classic this this call uh was on the

same night at the same day that we did the uh the grits call also so it's a very bit very very

important show uh april 20th show the following is an exclusive piece no it's not and madhouse

Hey, how are you doing?

Is this Harry?

No, it's not, sir.

Who am I speaking with?

My name is Keith.

Are you in charge of hiring?

I actually own the store, sir.

You own the store, so there's no Harry involved then?

No, sir.

Well, that's good.

I don't like Harry that much anyway, but regardless, I got a truck full of Chinese people here looking for some job,

and I see you guys are a sweatshop.

I thought maybe you guys would be interested.

No, don't use them, sir.

You don't like Chinese people?

What's the matter with you?

What, you stick with Mexicans or something?

No.

That's kind of racist, don't you think?

It's a family business, sir.

So you have your family working in a sweatshop?

Yes, sir.

What kind of sick person are you?

You make your family sweat labor?

What a bastard that guy.

He's got a sweatshop and he makes his...

I'm going to try to call him back.

Harry's sweatshop.

Can I help you?

Hey, how you doing, Harry?

Harry, why'd you hang up on me?

First of all, my name's not Harry, sir.

And what can I do to help you?

Look, I need to find out, number one, Keith, Jim, Bob, whatever your name is.

is what type of man in America would dare run a sweatshop right under our noses here?

First of all, it's not a sweatshop.

That's just the name of the store.

So it's a sweatshop.

Where are you working?

What's the name of your...

What did you say when you picked up the phone right now?

That's the name of the store, sir.

It's a retail store.

So do you provide clothes for, like, Walmart or Kmart or something really cheap?

No, I provide clothes for individuals that come in and buy them for me.

Under slave labor.

Pretty embroidery.

Under slave labor.

No, I don't have any slave labor.

Then why do you call it a sweatshop?

I don't have time for your bullshit.

Call somebody else.

Listen, you little cock.

All right, so that was the call from 2006, March of 2006 to be precise, to Harry Sweatshop.

Now, his son, and imagine what kind of small world this is, dude.

His son is just looking for prank calls and finds us prank calling his dad.

God upsetting, he emailed me, and I'm trying to find the email.

I spent that whole time trying to open up goddamn Google.

I guess I can't.

Oh, here it is.

Here we go.

I'm sorry.

All right, here we go.

Hi, my name is Bill.

My father is the one you pranked as the owner of a sweatshop.

Remember that little prank you pulled last year?

I don't appreciate you calling my father a bastard or a cock.

You should all be fired for what you did to this honest, working man.

You see, now this guy, he's starting to start trouble with Dr. Lego,

trying to get us fired again.

We don't need that.

If you ever want me to voice my opinion on you,

if you ever have another show, respond to this email,

and I will gladly be on your show.

Okay, so this came in two days ago.

That was Wednesday, Tuesday.

tuesday tuesday morning and open my inbox and i see this i'm like oh shit well it's like maybe

it's fake i think it's just someone fucking around maybe it's saigon or something like that

haha so then next thing i know that night uh two nights uh two nights ago i guess was two nights

ago right i'm uh sitting here and the phone rings the madhouse you know you know hotline rings and

it's a lady she's in her like sounds like she's maybe my mom's age maybe 40s maybe you know

I'd say 40s, just being honest, 40s, maybe older.

And she's like, yeah, is this the host of Madhouse Radio?

I'm like, uh-oh.

I'm like, yeah, this is the host.

This is him.

How can I help you?

And she's like, well, let me tell you something.

You people prank called my husband last year.

And I was like, uh-oh.

It was like, my son went online and found this prank call, and he heard it.

And let me tell you something.

I listened to this prank call, and I was like, oh, man, she's going to tell me

me she's pissed and she's going to sue me and i better take the call down this is going to be a

whole nasty mess and she goes i haven't laughed like that in so long i was like oh my god no

kidding so apparently this lady heard us prank calling her husband and she said she had the

biggest laugh of her life ever that she felt she said she fell on the ground and her sides were

hurting by listening to us prank call her husband which is really really funny to me and we actually

had a conversation this is a really nice lady uh she told us you know that her husband owned

hairy sweatshop and then got rid of it and and now it's being it's now it's owned apparently

it's owned by some really old decrepit guy he said it's like in in his 80s or something like

that i don't know i don't know something like that a long story long story long story but

regardless uh it was kind of cool it was kind of cool how things came circle over a year later

that lady found us and that's something and her whole family her whole family her whole family

was like you know laughing she said she sent it to all her family across california and stuff and

and they're all cracking up at the husband at his expense so i'd like to thank you uh the people

uh the old uh owner and proprietor and his family of harry's sweatshop was that was kind of a cool

story i thought i'd share that with y'all i thought i thought i was in trouble when it

happened man i'll tell you what i was like oh man yeah i understand milkman not really milkman

you're breaking up a lot man i wouldn't be sure without that happening you know what i mean

It's okay.

No, don't worry about it.

It's okay, man.

It's okay.

Don't be embarrassed.

You know, it's like, you know, Stephen R. back there.

Don't, back there, literally.

Don't worry about it.

Okay.

Regardless.

That is that.

Is Lonesome Loser around?

Is Lonesome Loser in the chat room, Ted?

Tuck, is he one of those people in there?

I know he picks those funny names sometimes.

What's going on with that?

Is he anywhere?

Is anybody there?

Anybody listening?

Hello?

Hello.

Who's that?

Stephen?

Yeah.

Oh, Jesus, Tuck.

Okay.

Okay, Lonesome Loser, if you're around, give me a message real quick.

I don't think he's around, actually.

I think he's not on yet.

He's probably at work.

So we'll keep shooting this shit.

Maybe we'll do some prank calls.

If you do have a prank call request, though, please send them to me.

You know, get those over to me on the Instant Messenger way, Madhouse Radio,

if you're using Yahoo or AOL Instant Messenger.

We're just talking for now, supposedly.

Wait for some numbers to start coming in,

or wait for me to start looking for some older numbers.

Hopefully it doesn't come to that, everybody.

So, come on, send me your numbers.

Instant message to me in the chat room.

And a lot of people.

We got Lord Spoon, of course, hanging out in the chat room.

Earth Dog is out there.

What's up?

Big Earth Dog.

Dirt.

The Dirt is out there.

Saigon.

Long time.

Long time super fan of Madhouse Radio.

Saigon is out here, man.

I'd like to thank Saigon for joining us again.

Couldn't do it without you, Saigon.

Dedicated fan and listener of the Madhouse Radio.

We got Spike Mike up in the chat room as well.

We got Ted's in the chat.

tuck jill clay award from the e-bombs guys man new news in the house italian mr rippy ripley my bad

weed man's in the house what's up guys all of you anybody in the paps blue students acid well i

haven't seen acid in a long time that's something huh ass has been a stranger welcome back acid

welcome back yeah he's in uh slovenia slovenia slovenia so welcome back dude it's awesome

It's awesome having a resident of a former communist bloc nation here listening to us and enjoying us tonight.

I watched on Monday.

I took the day off of work, unfortunately, because of my sickness.

And I got a chance to catch up on a lot of documentaries I had on my TiVo.

I saw a lot of them about the Berlin Wall and East Germany and communist spies.

It was really cool.

I recommend checking stuff like that out.

God damn it.

I also want to mention that something happened here.

I want to get a roundtable discussion here real quickly.

anybody out there who's listening if you want to tell us what your opinion on this is uh where i

work we only got one uh we got one bathroom where i work and this bathroom is very close quarters

and there's one uh one urinal and then inside the inside the bathroom there's another door

and the door leads to one smaller room where there's a toilet and uh boxes full of toilet

Toilet paper and paper towels are stacked in there, and there's a sink.

So there's only one place to go take a shit in the whole building,

and I never drop a deuce there at all.

I never do that, okay?

I only do that at work.

If it's an emergency, I try to stay at home to do my number two business.

Stephen R., you should think about that, all right?

That's something you need to think about.

But what you want to make sure, you need to plan your day ahead.

head so if you know you're going to be out of work or school for a long time and you had a lot of eat

you need to make sure you try to go um number two before you go out for a long time okay so you

don't have accidents and then when you get home you know even if you know after you eat even if

you don't have to you just try at least a little bit to push a little bit out okay steven r that's

how you that's how you fix that problem that's how i learned i i had a problem shitting my pants

when i was like two years old and that's how i learned to fix it i i learned that before you go

Go out.

You try to go cocky.

All right, Stephen R., so let us know how that works for you next week.

All right, we're ready for you.

All right.

Dude, so check this out, man.

One of my managers, I get there, and the urinal's being used, right?

And I'm still kind of sick, and I need to cough a lot.

I need to be in an area so I can hack up a lot of phlegm that I have.

I don't need to put it in the toilet or in a trash can.

and the urinal is being used so i opened the door to the to the shit room you know where the where

the actual commode is and my there's a manager sitting in there and he's taking a shit and the

door's open he left the door unlocked man and he's sitting there reading the newspaper taking a shit

and i can't now every time i see my manager at work man i can't i can't get that out of my mind

it's so creepy i'm thinking about quitting the job just because of how awkward i feel because of it

It was a really awkward moment, man, and I'm not kidding you.

I feel like quitting just on the basis that I feel kind of, I don't know, it was creepy.

Like, I know him more than I should.

I think it's kind of creepy that I saw another man taking a shit like that, so he was in a very vulnerable position, you know?

But I didn't have to apologize.

It's his fault for not locking the door.

I think maybe he wanted it.

Maybe he wanted to be locked in on.

um is it is it normal is it normal to have your i have a question gentlemen if you can answer is

it normal that when you're sitting on on the pot is it normal to have one hand in between your legs

covering your your your junk is that normal is that a normal thing because i i don't necessarily

do that i don't remember doing that i don't know that was a thing i don't recall ever doing that

are you looking yeah just in case well if it's a if it's a yeah well if it's a public toilet too

i guess right you're gonna i want to hold it back i guess maybe maybe maybe so but yeah

yeah so jill says i should have asked him if you fancy the bum you don't want to take

a ferry coming and getting it yeah yeah what i was mostly uh pissed off about was that

I don't really want to think about that.

I don't want to go that deep into it, but that's okay.

What I'm kind of upset about was the fact that...

You know what? You deserve it because you asked the question.

Yeah, you're right.

But no, I'm just concerned if I should maybe talk to him.

Maybe I should pull him aside and say, hey, I know this happened.

And I just want you to know that it's okay.

I don't know, man. It's just so freaky.

It's so fucked up.

I don't know.

I'm thinking maybe I should try to blackmail him that, uh, I think I'm going to try to

blackmail him and say, hey, I'm going to tell everybody that I saw you taking a shit and

we're going to laugh unless you, um, you give me a promotion real quick.

Like, you know, maybe I should, you know, get a promotion or get a raise or something.

Maybe I can blackmail him.

I could just say, hey, everybody, I saw him taking a shit.

And he'd be like, ah, he was taking a shit.

Ah, even though, you know, everybody takes a shit.

I mean, we all do.

He could blackmail him and tell him.

You know, and that's one thing, and we've debated this before,

but when you go into a stall, or when you go into a bathroom, okay,

let's say you go into the bathroom and someone, you know, took a massive shit.

I mean, it smells really, really bad.

It's like, just like that.

Smells horrible.

You go in there and you do number one.

you wash your hands and you're coming out and someone's coming in do you tell that person hey

look you know i did number one that wasn't me that was the person you know ahead of me do you tell

them because i i i got in trouble once what happened to me once here i was at at school

and i went into the bathroom i was the only person going in and it smelled horrible in there like

someone took a massive massive shit i mean the whole bathroom was like completely bombed and

And this is a large bathroom, and it was actually leaking out into the hallway outside.

And I was like, oh, crap.

So here's the problem, though.

I have a thing where I always need to use a stall.

I don't like to use a urinal.

If I need to take a whiz, I want to be enclosed.

I don't care.

I always go into a stall.

So I went into a stall that didn't look like it was the one that the guy used or whatever.

But I went in to take a piss, and then when I'm getting ready to finish up

and i'm zipping up like five people come in all of a sudden and they smell it and they start you

know going oh shit you know real loud i'm like oh fuck and like damn dude you this guy over here

took a big ass shit you know and i was like no i didn't say it but i just i was so embarrassed

and it's not fair i took the hit for that and it wasn't my fault i was so pissed off and i sat down

and uh i just kind of took it you know i waited for them to leave and then i waited an extra 10

10, 15 minutes afterwards because I was so scared they were going to be hanging out to see who,

yeah, I sat there for 10 to 15 minutes in the awful shit smell because I didn't want anybody

to, I didn't want any of them to see who I, what I looked like. And then I think I still on my way

out, but on my way out, on my way out, I was coming out and I saw these two women commenting

about how bad it smelled in the hallway. And I was the only one to come out for like 10 to 15

minutes. So again, I probably

look guilty. It's like, wow, that guy was in there for like

10, 15 minutes taking a shit.

I think everyone should just wear diapers. That way they can

keep that shit to themselves.

This is nasty. But that was

very, um, that was a

very humbling experience. And I wasn't the one

that took a shit. I don't take shits in public. I take

care of it at home only. I think

that's a private thing. I don't think you should be allowed to

do that. You know, I don't think that's right.

I think it should be only urinals,

but the urinals should be closed like

stalls. I think that's how it should be

in public bathrooms you know if i were a mayor in a city if i was the mayor of miami i would

pass a law that said all public bathrooms are allowed to be urinals only and they have to be

enclosed like stalls only that's all you're allowed to have even for the women we would

come up with a female urinal i'm sure there's a female urine i'm sure the japanese have invented

it by now i'm sick man fuck i'm still sick new new yes you want pranks yes i want numbers

Yeah, they should all sit and piss in a hole.

Noonoo, you send me numbers and that's it.

Then I can do pranks.

There's no Lonesome Loser out and I'm not ready to do that.

So everybody, if you want to call in, I'm going to open a toll-free line here.

I don't know.

Maybe this is going to be a talk show tonight.

I don't know.

Take it easy, all right, asshole?

Sorry.

Noonoo, I'm sorry.

You're a long-time listener, but still, come on, buddy.

So we're talking about shit.

Shit humor here.

What would you guys do?

Would you guys say to them, no, it wasn't me?

Or would you do what I did and sit there and take it, take the abuse for like five minutes as they made fun of you and made comments about you having a smelly bowel movement?

What would you do, Milkman?

Milkman's going to go first.

Milkman, go ahead and try to be as intelligible as possible.

I

think I would have just walked out right there and big proud smile on my face and said,

Damn, those rat beans are kicking, ain't they?

Okay.

So you'd take credit for it.

You'd be proud of it like a dog would.

A dog turns around and he smells his own big shit and then he smiles.

Maybe that's what you would do.

talk ted any uh any comments tuck first i said tuck first yeah man there's no shame in that dude

okay if you don't think there's any shame in it ted i think you should hold it until your

intestines turn into balloons okay so never never go ever oh till intestines turn into hard rocks

nasty steven r what would you do would you sit there make them think you took a shit and wait

for them to leave for a long time would you uh tell them it wasn't you and get up and leave

What would you do to Stephen R. if you're still around?

I don't think Stephen R.

I would claim it was me.

You would claim it was you or you'd be proud of it?

All right, buddy.

Good.

That was a very good discussion, everybody.

Great.

I have to say this, though.

And I can't explain psychologically why this is funny, but it is.

If I walk into the bathroom at work and one of my high-level bosses has just come out of the stall

with this trail of stench that smacks you in the face,

i somehow think i somehow think it it takes something away from his power his power yeah

like somehow discredits him well imagine how i felt when i saw my boss on in in a very

compromising position to me it looks like i you know i am i am the alpha male in the office now

i think i'm the alpha male because i'm ahead of him like i consider myself kind of you know

you know i saw you humbled you know i was there and i i humbled you so you i i feel he should

give me some more respect from now on i don't think i'm out of line to actually pull them aside

said look sir mr so-and-so i know what happened and i know it was very humbling to you so i think

i deserve a little more respect around here and we can you know financially or just you know

ceremoniously with the title even i'll take a position it doesn't make any sense you know i'll

take you know senior lead coordinator or something like that and it doesn't mean anything and my job

doesn't change but it has a nice little pizzazz in it and maybe next to three thousand dollars a

year i'll go for that i think i'm gonna draft up milkman draft up that paperwork for me tonight

okay and fax it over if you don't mind please i appreciate it fax it to me in pdf format if you

don't mind thank you sir okay he's on it right now my gentlemen are on it again if you want to

reach us here the toll free line is now open you can call us here tonight join the conversation

if you have someone you want us to prank call we'll be more than happy to um just take it easy

tonight our our friend lonesome loser's not around and we weren't actually prepared to to

To do prank calls tonight.

I'm kind of embarrassed.

I'm apologizing here, but I have been sick.

We just have some things to talk about.

We've been talking a lot about, you know, scatological humor tonight, to be honest with you.

It's been a very scatty night tonight.

That's my boss right there.

That's him right there.

That's my manager.

That's so fucked up, though.

Wow, what do you do, man?

All right, let's play that prank call.

This prank call is from, what's his name, Gert?

Durf.

Durf, everybody.

Durf.

with who I feel is a great impersonation of the Milkman.

Maybe...

I said a derf, derf, derf.

Yeah, that's the one.

Here we go.

This is called Bob Calls Country Club from Derf.

One moment, please.

Pumpkin Ridge.

Good, man.

Is this good?

Yeah, Pumpkin Ridge.

What's happening?

Got any beer down there?

We need some.

I remember the...

We'll close tonight.

You know what?

6 at 55 and follow the signs to 12930 Northwest Old Pumpkin Ridge Road in North Plains.

Tea times begin at sunrise.

At Pumpkin Ridge, we respect the traditions of golf etiquette and proper attire.

No denim, please.

Thank you for holding the line.

We'll be with you in just a moment.

Mark, how can I help you?

Hey, what's up, Mark?

Oh, Bob.

I just buttoned up here.

Down there.

The golf out.

Doesn't take it to dump.

Big one.

Strict beer.

Something crazy.

Very beautiful statement there, which I think we can all agree with tonight.

Everybody give yourselves a hug right now.

Yeah, that's right, KDK.

Feels good, doesn't it?

Anyway, yeah, so that was, I found that funny, you know.

And God, this show really has turned into talking about crapping tonight, right?

right even that call and i just realized when i was playing he's talking about taking his shit and

he he did a pretty good job with with this shit hey you know what he's stupid you know what i

ain't got no pants yeah that is something milkman would say milk milkman has called me three in the

morning drunk saying stuff like that that's what reminded me of it of him anyway lonesome loser has

made it online good lonesome losers here maybe he uh maybe he'll be joining us soon i i do know and

And Ben, I'm sorry, Earthdog is reminding me about the Dog the Bounty Hunter audio.

I read the article.

I did not hear the audio yet.

I haven't had a chance to hear the audio, but I did read the article this afternoon.

So maybe he or someone out there has a link to it.

I'll play it on the air here live for the first time.

I haven't heard it yet.

Man, I'm really, you know what I mean?

Hang on.

I've got a lot of nasal problems still right now.

I'm trying to do a lot of peppermint oil drops, you know, but I'm really nasally, you know what I mean?

So there it is.

Look, everybody, Milkman, what we're going to do here, we're going to play the Lonesome Loser game.

He's not around yet.

He's setting up, I'm assuming, or maybe he's just, you know, whatever.

But he's typing a message right now.

Milkman, go ahead and give me a term, a noun or a person or a place or a thing, any word, one word, one word.

and i'm going to go ahead and go into the lonesome loser archives going back all the way to 2005

and we will do a prank call uh to a random match so go ahead and give me a word or phrase or

something sir liquor liquor liquor it is hang on let's see what liquor pulls let me type that in

l-i-c-k-e-r liquor all right the first result is fast freddy's liquor we called that last week it

It went backwards.

Hang on.

Let's go up.

Hey, fuck you, dude.

Come on.

No, who cares?

All right, fine.

We got Fast Freddy's Liquor, and this one is, this one, I think Reclute called this

last week.

It was a pretty good call.

This one's in Whittier, California.

Yeah, this is the one that Reclute called.

You miss this milk, man.

Reclute called, and it was funny.

He was a black guy, and he was arguing with a lady for like 10 minutes.

It was very fun.

All right.

Yeah, you fucking asshole.

All right, so, hey, everybody, man, you know, it's November 1st.

You know what that means is the first of the month.

And, you know, here on Madhouse Radio, on the first of the month,

we do have to play the best song you can listen to on the first of the month.

East 1999, Eternal is the album.

We're right back after this with the first call tonight.

Answer the tentive.

Tension.

Your place.

A liquor store.

This is the liquor space.

Liquor space.

This is the liquor space.

A liquor store.

Store.

Do you have attention?

Are you at attention, sir?

Sir, do you have, make attention please, okay?

Do you have kegs?

Do you dinky dow?

Do you have pony kegs, man?

Yeah, pony keg, pony keg, man.

You know, keg of beer, do you have kegs?

Biggest beer size you got.

I need as much beer as possible, man.

20 pack only.

20 pack?

What is it of?

Yeah, well, what's the brew?

What's the make and model?

Both white, both light.

Look at me, come on.

Truth about it, though.

Where's the secret keg, huh?

I heard you had some Chinese bamboo rum back there in the stills.

That's what I want.

the good shit you know what i mean got some fireworks he's man d bag jesus christ you got

any bootleg pokemon cards bootleg pokemon cards man i want some bootleg charmanders

son of a bitch come on man i got kids to get through college that is what it is obtain a

special dialing wand please mash the keypad with your palm now yeah sorry about that oh that was

left. Whoops. Sorry, folks. That was a fun call. I love Asian people, man. It's a beautiful

race. Asians. I like Asians. So what's going on? Is there a problem with the stick cam?

I don't know. You guys aren't involved with that syndicate radio. I hear reports that

they're not able to hear me. That'd be horrible. That's the case. I don't know. Is that what's

going on over there can you not hear me guys fuck i said it sounds better i don't know what's going

on fucking stick cam shit i don't know if anybody's watching us on the video feeds you know give me a

message real quick let me know what's going on here all right please if you don't mind i'll try

to see if i can get that fixed as soon as possible no sound mouse over your screen hit the mic off

then back on no sound mouse over your screen okay and hit the mic off and then back on that's what

what i did i'm gonna do it again bitch i'm gonna do it again i'm gonna do it again i think it's

frozen man son of a bitch you know it's you know firefox he's crashing on me the video feed's gone

i'm gonna have to uh kill the video feed here to get on this uh the syndicate people able to listen

to show again round of hands um if you don't if you don't mind we're gonna play a song here i

guess and when i come back uh we'll do the next prank call of the night let me see what lonesome

loser status is let me see if he's doing anything he signed off he's having trouble with this

computer he said he's got a creative sound card that's not working the way it's supposed to oh

man that sucks dude so lonesome loser is like busy rebooting yeah evening got a reboot trying to get

this piece of shit sound card yeah so lonesome loser's having computer problems so he'll try to

yeah he'll try to do it as soon as he can um msc3 clay uh says dinky dow dinky dow yeah that's

vietnamese for you're crazy man you don't know anything about vietnam you don't know anything

thinking about your own country geez your camera icon off and on too all right we're gonna do that

real quick let's see that works you know what's going on i'll be honest with you stick cam

listeners uh firefox right now it kept crashing i decided to go on i've got the uh the end program

now thing up i just left it like that because it was working fine but i think i'm gonna have to

restart it um tell you what everybody in there you know if you're listening you're listening on the

madhouse shoutcast server right now uh go if you're listening on stick cam i'm gonna go ahead

and sign out of the room restart firefox on my browser whatever and and go back into the stick

cam room so in about five in about two or three minutes go ahead and rejoin the stick cam room

in the meantime you can listen over at madhouse live.com you can listen to the show and uh right

there on the home page madhouse live.com is very easy to do look on the upper right section of the

the page and then i'll give you guys the okay to go back to the stick cam right so and three two

one and that's dead and we're going to do that like i said you're probably tuning in now the

madhouse live.com website temporarily only while i get the stick cam back up for our syndicate radio

fans so they can see me and my sexy fatness in the meantime we're going to play this song while

i do that and get the next prank radio you should be listening to the radio anyway that's right very

Very good.

And I'm sorry, the next, anybody have a word for me here, please, quickly?

A word so we can pick a number to call while Lonesome Loser joins us again, please.

A noun or a phrase.

Tuck, go ahead.

Your turn, man.

I'm saying, are you a hot chick?

Then why are they looking at you in a stick cam?

No, I'm asking you for a word or a phrase.

Coconut.

There we go.

I think Ted's on the ball tonight.

Coconut.

Oh, I cannot.

Fuck, I'm going to fuck.

all right here we go let's see huh okay coconut lawn service in evergreen colorado why would they

have coconut lawn service in evergreen colorado there's no coconuts in colorado there's no

coconuts in evergreens hang on everybody yeah hang on a lot of cold they do very good very

very good gentlemen very good let me get out yeah you know hey speaking of colorado denver

The Rockies lost the World Series.

Got swept.

Got swept in the World Series.

Very, very humbled they were by the World Series champions,

the Red Sox, who still suck, everybody says.

Whatever.

We've got a story about that when we come back.

Anyway, here we go.

We'll be right back in a moment, folks,

with the next front call of the night

and the video stream again.

Look at this tune.

This goes out to Sam.

All right, everybody, we are back.

It is Carlito, the Milkman, of course, along with Ted and Tuck joining me here tonight.

Where else would you want to be on a Thursday night except for home, drinking, smoking a cigarette, you know?

Maybe you just got some head or something.

I'm being crass.

I'm sorry.

I see Zolar.

Zolar is checking in online on AOL Instant Messenger.

Zolar was at the Stern Fan Roundtable tonight.

I understand.

I didn't hear it.

I was busy doing some homework, unfortunately.

on the assignment that was due tonight before midnight that's why i was late guys i'm sorry

i get home i have to do homework you know it's due before midnight because i went to the last

minute and i got the show to do also tonight so it's actually due for me before before nine o'clock

all right yeah we're gonna call lonesome losers here also just want to say lonesome loser checking

in what's up bro hardest working man and all the madhouse radio and we uh we are gonna do uh per

request we're gonna call god help us we're gonna call the cottons again we're gonna call the

the people from the Stool Sample Trilogy.

And that is available for you to listen to

at the Madhouse forums over at madhouselive.com.

So be tuned there.

For the time being, keep listening to Little Wayne

while we get Mr. and Miss Cotton back on the line.

Good crowd tonight, good crowd.

Give yourselves a round of applause.

I'm smoking pot.

That's what law is.

Leave a message to the town.

Someone there that's important.

It's not going to work tonight.

They're not going to answer the phone.

Wow, this show's going, you know where it's going?

Straight to here.

Tonight.

This show's a big shit.

Yeah, we got low-flow toilets installed here tonight, and it's very important.

Why do I keep doing that?

I love that sound effect.

I'm so fucking nasty.

I had a whole, I had a sticky note.

I wanted to mention, I wanted to mention, I'm going to show something on the camera here.

milkman milkman you can't see this but right now i'm holding up a gallon jug that usually holds

arizona green tea in it so you see that milkman good all right and this right here the next time

i have to fart while i'm on the show i'm going to actually fart inside of this container here

it's one gallon jug i'm going to seal it tight i'm going to put it under my desk and then we're

going to open it on the next show so seven days later on the next live madhouse we'll open it

And we're going to see what the big deal is.

See if it smells bad or not.

We're going to see.

I'm going to make Athena smell it.

So we're going to do that next time I have to fart.

I'm going to fart in the jug.

Basically, it's a jug.

Very good point.

Rolf's hard.

Rolls hard.

He rolls hard on the ecstasy.

But yeah, we're going to fart in the jug here live in the air.

I had a lot of gas on Tuesday.

That's when I came up with the idea.

But I haven't really been gassy.

You know what?

I got to get some Domino's pizza here.

That's what gives me the gas.

Maybe I'll make a legitimate call to Domino's pizza.

See if they'll bring me some pizza here.

Because I'll be farting.

Domino's pizza, man.

It makes it happen.

And God, this show has turned into the shit show tonight.

All we talk about is doing going caca tonight.

So we're going to cross that out.

The reality show.

I was contacted by a representative of one of the major networks to be in a reality show.

called uh with a tentative title or related to the prank call world to the prank industry out

there you know uh pranking i'm going to be uh making my final decisions on what i'm going to

do i'll be honest with you i haven't been able to do much work i'm going to be filming it next

week and i know that in a public location um i'm going to be acquiring the necessary equipment to

do so wireless mic and a pair of digital camcorders i'm going to have two of my friends

have volunteered already to do filming purposes and um and we're gonna see what i need to i need

to figure out what i'm gonna do what what kind of prank i'm gonna do it's it's very hard i don't

know i usually do phone pranks you know but apparently they're looking for a phone prank

caller they're looking you know for stuff like that they're trying to get every single type of

pranker out there you know you got your punked uh prank where it's more of like you know they're

put in a situation you've got your prank call like we do here improvise improvise on the phone

and only uh you've got your pranks that you do like jackass where you just do something really

bad to yourself or something really gross stuff like that so the prank call realm we're going to

be representing apparently if we make the cut in this audition now i would love to do it and i

personally would like to see because i know katie k got an invite to it too to try audition and i'll

be damned if he's going to get picked over me so if you guys are true fans of madhouse radio and

And know about this whole thing.

You know you support Carlita.

So anyway, if you have any ideas for a prank that I can do, it'll be on video.

I'll make it available for everybody to see.

It'll be my edition submission.

But I have no idea what I'm going to do yet.

So if you have any ideas, Zolar had some really good ideas last week.

I don't have access to children, so I can't do that.

But he had a suggestion where I have two kids make really bad lemonade and sell it to adults for like a nickel or a dime, a cup.

and get their reactions

that would be awesome

I just don't have access to kids

I don't know anybody with kids or anything like that

I wish I did

I don't get out much

I don't have a lot of friends

I just kind of go to work and I come home

and I do this thing once a week

and other than that I play strategy games

and I do a lot of studying

I'm a full time student and a full time

laborer

God I'm talking so much bullshit tonight

anyway Lonesome Loser

hooking us up with numbers

We've got Baldi's Family Restaurant

We've got the Happy Bakery

We've got El Taco Mazo

The Pussycat Lounge

Big Pig Smokehouse

We also have Funky Door Yoga

Those are all coming in in California

Home of the Firestorm of 2007

Let's see

All proceeds for the MadhouseLive.com store

For the month of November

Are going to go to the victims

Of the wildfires

In California

for you so please visit madhouse live.com and any purchase you make we will donate all proceeds

to the victims of the horrible fire we will make no money for it they will make all the money for

it's a beautiful thing this is america usa anyway i'm gonna take a break when we come back we're

gonna do some more prank calls we got fresh numbers off the we got fresh numbers off the

The Pipe from Lonesome Loser.

Nunu.

Yo.

Nunu's here.

Tuck and Ted.

You know, it's a great thing, guys.

You guys are going to stick.

Who's not going to be around for the second segment?

I don't know.

I'm going to be here.

Yes, Ted, go ahead.

Hey, dude.

Dude.

I think some people are saying that the stream is buffering,

and I think it's because you're broadcasting to both streams at the same time, right?

Yeah.

Should I just turn off the test stream for now?

There's only one listener there.

I don't know if that's you or who it may be,

but whoever's listening on the future stream,

go ahead and go off of that now

and go over to the MadhouseLive.com stream.

That won't be up until next week.

Let's go ahead and try that.

Computer that, I have a second computer,

and it's been on for a long, like a few weeks straight, I think,

and it's fucking everything up.

It's crashing the web browser,

but if I were to restart it now,

it would be without show for the rest of the night

because it would take me about 20 minutes

to get everything set up on it again.

It's a very sensitive machine,

machine but it is the machine that runs the rotation and as a fool normally on thursday

mornings i do reboot that computer before i go to work but unfortunately i was in a rush today i was

late to work today i was 15 minutes late to work gentlemen i called off i called off for work sick

on monday i was 15 minutes late to work tuesday wednesday and i was eight minutes late to work

today gentlemen i think i'm going to be fired tomorrow i have a very good chance of being

fired tomorrow. They usually get fired

on a Friday. And I'm predicting

here, I'm giving myself a 40% chance

that I'll be unemployed tomorrow.

No, it's not funny.

It's not funny.

It's not funny, you guys. Why would you make fun

of that? No, it's my fault. No, it's cool.

Whatever.

Why are they so

evil

about you being late?

Do people die

if you get to work 8 minutes late?

No, people don't die, but I never have a problem

i'm staying an hour extra if i have to you know i work the time up i i don't take breaks during the

day my 15 minutes that i'm late they still i'm still working more i go i work right through my

breaks you know what i mean i only take a half hour for lunch that's the only break i see the

whole day son rest of the time i'm sitting there i'm working my ass off so fuck you all right yes

yeah milkman has a point milkman you have the floor go ahead sir manager that you're going

action against me yeah i milk

milkman i don't know ted i'm not mad at you you think i'm mad at you ted i heard you say fuck you

no no i'm talking to the other people man i'm talking to work fuck you not to work works

It's the people that got to fuck themselves, man.

No, not you, man.

Work.

Fuck work, man.

Oh, shit.

No, I'm saying to them, fuck them because, you know, no, seriously, if I'm 8, 10, 15

minutes late to work, but I don't take any breaks during work, you know what I mean?

I'm still working more than I'm supposed to.

I'm making up the time, you know?

So, yeah, if they try to give me, you know, shit about it, I'm going to be like, hey,

you know, fuck you.

I didn't mean that towards you, Ted.

I mean, come on.

Wake up, man.

Get it right.

You took me out of context, man.

That scares me.

man. That happens to me a lot. I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's the style

that I talk in, but people think I'm meaning one thing when I mean something totally the

opposite. Anyway, I was talking about taking a break so we can come back and do more prank

calls. Sal and Richard told Artie that he sucks and nobody watched Beer League. Yeah,

I heard that on the Stern Show this week, man. That's really, you know, Sal's got a

mouth on him. You know, that cock. He's talking bad stuff about Artie Lang. I don't appreciate

that. Yeah, I heard that. That's crazy. And that crazy talk. That was some shit, you

Did they fight again today?

I think I heard it.

I was busy today, but I thought I caught them yelling at each other again.

Or were they just replaying the audio?

Yeah, Artie threw some shit at him.

Oh, really?

Okay.

Wow.

I've got to catch the replay of that later tonight.

I usually listen to it about this time.

Yeah, Artie lost some shit today, man.

Yeah, yeah.

If it's not a busy day, I listen at work.

If it is a busy day, I end up listening at night or in the car on the way to work.

I always listen at least

I always listen to at least

the first two hours of the show

because I'm up at six

so I, you know

my alarm clock comes on

it's Howard

try to listen

try to catch

the last half hour of the show

okay

the last half hour

I'll have to check that out

I heard at some point

there was yelling or whatever

so anyway

like I'm trying to say folks

we're going to be right back

it's Madhouse Radio

11.24pm

we'll be back in about ten minutes

not ten

we'll be back in about five minutes

when we come back

we have a lot of numbers to call

we have a lot of stuff

to talk about still

Still, we've got a lot of things to straighten out.

Jamaican Soul in Berkeley, California.

We've got Mr. Wu's Chinese restaurant coming up next as well

as Batman's Good Food and Convenience Store in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

We have a lot of other numbers here as well ready to go.

So do not fear.

We're going to have a lot of prank calls in the second hour of the show

coming up in just a moment.

In the meantime, you can reach us here, 1-888-278-8509.

Once again, the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

And the toll-free line will be open here in just a moment.

Oh, it is open now.

Hell, get on the line now.

You can hold during the break, and you'll be our first caller when we come back from the break.

We'll be right back in about five minutes, as I said.

This is Madhouse Radio.

One moment, please.

Madhouse Radio will be back after this.

Got time for this, man.

I'm out.

Don't trust you.

Into a replay of Madhouse Radio.

No, you're not having no effect.

Yes, I am.

You're going to like it, too.

Maybe not.

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

What's up, everybody? Madhouse Radio is back.

Here we are.

Yes.

Milkman, or guys, you remember a few weeks ago we were talking about the touchstone terrorists?

Didn't someone bring up that there's a movie in the works coming out right now?

A touchstone terrorist movie.

Someone, we were talking about, like, you know, the willy pranks and all that.

and someone said yeah there's a movie coming out and i was like no shit no way there's no such

thing no way and he showed us a link to the official site for the touchstone terrorist movie

i think it's called like service customer service disaster something like that i think i don't know

you don't remember that i'm trying to remember what it was exactly let me do a search and we

have a we have a prank call request also that came in on the request to prank line you can do that

This is from our friend Mr. Ripley

Who repairs cell phones

And gives us leads

On people to prank call based on the cell phones that he's repairing

He's a professional cell phone repairer

Let me take a sip of wine here

Hang on

That's a big sip

Wow

Okay

I wanted to play this real quickly here

This is on Dog the Bounty Hunter

i think he didn't he used to be like in jail before and then he became a bounty hunter or

something like you find god or something whatever uh ted what do you like that yeah uh ted what do

you recommend for uh meditation actually or do you know anything about i know you you're into

kind of uh stuff like this do you know anything about transcendental meditation have you ever

tried it or do you have any suggestions on where to where to where to start going about a program

like that do you look locally for a place that off teaches it or something any idea there's

There's no answer from Ted.

Uh-oh.

I think Ted's still mad for me using the F word.

I think he thought I was talking about him.

That's not good.

Okay, anyway.

He'll be back.

Let me know when he's back.

Dog Chapman has been captured spouting foul-mouthed racist slurs on the tape obtained exclusively by the National Enquirer.

This is Dog the Bonnie Hunter, supposedly on tape.

I haven't heard it yet, but I believe it did come out today.

Milkman, this is breaking news.

That's not the one.

There we go.

That's the one.

That's the one I'm talking about.

Okay.

In a shocking world-exclusive, the Enquirer obtained tapes of two revolting phone conversations, blah, blah, blah.

Apparently, the bounty hunter was using the N-word in offer and other disgusting racial insults.

We've called his number before.

He's never answered.

And this also reminds me of another news story.

Did you hear what happened with Reverend Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church that we've prank called here several times on the show?

several times on the show we've talked to the wife

from the Westboro Baptist Church

and they are being sued for $10.9 million

they're having to pay

they're not being sued, the judgment's come through

they're having to pay $10.9 million

to the father of a very brave soldier who died in Iraq

they go around protesting

this and that about God and God hates fags

and this and that and all this mess you know i'm saying anyway we'll get to that later we are going

to play dog the bounty hunter first this is the full version here let me see how long it takes to

load so i'm going to click the it uh thankfully thankfully we got this from earth dog here at

the last minute thank you man thank you my friend thank you my friend um we got a caller here but

can't take it yet hang tight caller we'll put you on the air you soon enough here we go i'm not

Jesus, it's very loud.

Let me try to turn that down.

Well, that's good.

They gave me one option.

They gave me a...

Huh, great.

They gave me the option to mute it.

Beautiful, wonderful.

All right, let me turn the wave gain down now

just for Dog the Bounty Hunter, this asshole.

Now it's buffering.

Now it doesn't do any noise at all.

So this is apparently Dog the Bounty Hunter and his son.

Apparently his son is dating a black girl named Monique.

and uh apparently that the bounty hunter isn't quite happy with the fact that he's dating dating

a colored girl let's keep listening to a little bit more on this let's see where this goes it's

kind of slow so far uh ted ted's gonna be joining us here when we're done with this so everybody

we're gonna do some prank calls me carlito here ted anybody else who wants to call in uh the lines

will be open as well just a moment that's okay it's not a big deal why don't you say the n word

a few times at the beginning what's the big deal he lost his show with a and e now because he

He dropped the N-word a few times.

I mean, it's not a good thing to do that, but it wasn't like he was, like, you know, ultra-racist.

It's like he's just using, you know, racist language.

He's a racist guy, but he wasn't being overly, I don't know.

Saigon has a good point.

He wasn't being a Don Imer from that one.

No, no, no.

I don't know about that.

He got a good point, though, Muckman.

He lost his A&E, his show on A&E.

That was a big show, you know.

They took it away from him.

That was pretty quick to end.

Wait.

I didn't even think about it.

I'm going to take my captain's hat off.

Ted, are you going to call in, Ted?

Ted, Ted, Ted.

Is Ted even in here yet?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, Ted's going to call in.

Ted's going to call in so we can do some prank calls.

Nunu, if you want to send in any international numbers for some reason.

I don't know if Ted can do that today, but that might be a possibility.

I'll see if I have an international card here.

But we do have a lot of numbers to call.

We've got L-Trojan Illy or L-Trojan 3, Roman numeral 3 in Long Beach, California,

Pouring in the LBC on a mission trying to find Mr. Warren G.

What's going on, Ted?

I'm regulating.

Just mowing up.

Yeah, we got a number here in Long Beach, California, so we're going to tell some pros.

They're a little...

Jamaican Soul.

I'm going to call it Jamaican Soul.

And then, well, we have a number in Puerto Rico, too.

That's funny.

A Gentleman's Club in Puerto Rico.

I think we've called them before.

That's still cool.

Gentleman's Club in Puerto Rico.

Yeah, I know.

Imagine.

There's no such thing.

Jamaican Soul coming up next in Berkeley, California.

California, hippie capital of the West.

Think.

Call the deep voice, Ted, so be prepared.

Hey, how you doing there, my friend?

Good.

Can I make a reservation for tonight?

Do you have to take reservations or are you walk-in only?

Hello?

Are you walk-in only?

Okay.

You're going to come right now?

Yep.

We're getting ready to close.

Do you use a lot of ginger?

Hello?

Do you use a lot of ginger?

If we have ginger?

Yes.

No, we don't have any ginger beer. We have sour, we have cucumber, pineapple.

No, I'm talking ginger in your food. What do you season with? Ginger, curry? What do you use?

No, we don't use no ginger.

Do you shove any marijuana up the turkey's ass?

Hello?

Do you shove marijuana up the turkey's ass?

No.

No, man. Ask if you got some hot sauce.

What, you have Crystal's hot sauce or Louisiana hot sauce, baby?

Yeah, we have hot sauce, what we make.

Oh, just scotch bonnet pepper?

Yeah.

What do you use, cayenne?

Yeah, we have hot sauces.

What we make is scotch bonnet peppers.

What do you make it with?

Milkman, be quiet.

Be quiet, Milkman.

Hello?

We make it with milk.

Yeah, we got a milkman.

He comes to the house with a little bottle of milk.

Tell me about your, you make your own hot sauce.

Yes, sir.

What kind of peppers?

Do you use any gluten?

Hello?

Do you use gluten?

No, we just use scotch bonnet peppers and some vegetables in there.

Oh, scotch bonnet pepper is the hottest pepper in the world, man.

Do you know it was rated like that?

So you're going to come?

That's some creepy stuff.

Yeah, can you put me down for two spaces?

Huh?

Put me down for two spaces.

For when?

Now.

Ten minutes, we'll be there.

Okay, but we're getting ready to close, sir, so you have to hurry.

Well, I already know what I...

You want to start my order now?

Yeah.

Okay.

You have any curry chicken?

Yes.

Give me two orders of curry chicken.

Alrighty.

Alright.

That's it?

And, uh, I want some bumble clop pie.

Hmm?

Bumble clop pie.

Okay, so you want two orders of curry chicken?

Yeah, and the bumble clop pie.

Bumble clop.

Go down, Moses.

Go down, Jesus land.

The whole line you're gonna go through.

Tell old Pharaoh, let my people go, baby.

Hello?

Yes, let my people go.

go yes sir yeah can you let my people go for me please what people my people the ones you got in

the basement what people the babylonians sir i'm getting ready closer are you gonna come and get

the food yes but i'm gonna come get the food yes i'm gonna come get the food when i'm asking about

the babylonians is that anything like the gettysburg address okay sir i gotta go all right

woman behave yourself don't put no wooden cushions on us now yeah don't be leaving chicken bones in

in front of my front doorstep, I'm on to you, and I know what that means.

I got to go.

Yama, yama, yama, yama.

Yama, yama, yama, yama, yama.

I'm putting a hex on you, voodoo, and a one and a two.

Yama, yama, yama, yama, yama.

All right, sir, if you're going to call him, I'll just get him ready for you, okay?

Bye-bye.

Yeah, that's from Police Academy.

When Hightower was in the back of the paddy wagon,

They were scaring the recruits.

Oh, shit.

Let's hear that.

Recorded call.

According to November 40.

PM.

That sounds really bad on here.

Never mind.

We'll do that on the run here, so.

On the computer machine.

Yeah, we'll do that when we're done with our run here, so.

All right.

It was a low voice.

What yamma yamma yamma sounded like when we were doing it low.

It's really creepy.

Yeah.

I got scared.

It means something really bad in Jamaican curse or something.

I don't know.

Someone says the person on the call is so soft it's unable to hear them.

I don't know.

Whatever, man.

Don't give me shit, all right?

I don't know, whatever, man.

Don't give me shit, all right?

Put your headphones in, man.

What's wrong with you?

Oh, he's playing the Yama Yama song.

I see.

There's a Yama Yama song.

I didn't know that.

We hear ourselves in the background when he does that.

Let's see what Nunu has sent.

Nunu has sent in a Tesco in Inverness, Scotland.

In Scootland.

I knew a Scottish guy.

That's what he called it.

He called it Scootland.

Scootland.

He says, it's Scootland.

Oh, Scootland.

Scootland.

All right, then we're going to, if I could copy-paste, there you go.

Did you get that?

I love the Internet.

Oh, the Internet is beautiful, man.

I love the Internet.

We hear that we're lagging bad on TalkShoe also.

Everything is coming in bad tonight, you know.

I'm sorry, guys.

I'm sorry, TalkShoe listeners.

The PC, I use one PC for all outbound, all right.

All my video, all my audio goes outbound on one computer.

It hasn't been restarted in three weeks.

I forgot to restart it today for the show, and everything is lagging.

My bad.

What's going on with the number?

It's true. You just have to.

If you do a good job...

Because this computer here, the only thing I use it for is a stream.

I don't do anything else on it.

So it can sit there for three weeks.

It's just got Winamp open.

How long has it been? We can't write an operating system.

Well, hey, I read an article just a few hours ago.

Vista has been out for over a year, and it still sucks.

Putting up with it.

Sorry about that. I still have it here.

Maybe one day I'll install it.

but maybe I'll just wait for the next operating system to come out.

Yeah, I think Vista, Windows 8.

It is.

Oh, God, Windows ME was so bad.

Oh, man.

You know what?

I have to use Windows 2000 at work, man,

and it's kind of been a scale back.

And Windows 2000 was a very robust operating system.

You know, it was very good.

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with XP.

XP does everything, like, even better than 2000 did.

Well, at first, though, before that first service pack,

a lot of people said the same thing they did about Vista when it first came out.

But by this time into it with XP, a lot of the kinks were working out.

A lot of the driver problems were solved,

and by the time Service Pack 1 came out,

it would be a little further down along the line.

It became a lot more robust.

Service Pack 2 really, it was really, I don't know.

I don't know.

I like XP.

I think XP's come a long way.

It's a good product.

I remember how much people hated it when it first came out.

Oh, it's too user-friendly, you know, but compared to Vista.

Vista, they got rid of the damn mixer.

Now there's, like, individual application has its own mixer,

and you can only change a volume.

and you can't change, like, individual.

I want the microphone at this value and stuff.

Well, I heard there's no stereo mix in Vista either,

but that was a concession that Microsoft might have done

with the recording industry, from what I understand.

Well, I actually figured out how to turn it on.

Oh, okay, good.

It's stupid because, you know,

stereo mix is only good in cases like ours

where we're broadcasting stuff.

I guess maybe that's what it's for.

Just curtail that.

Because, I mean, if you're going to be ripping audio

from CD or whatever it may be,

unless you're using, unless you're getting it from a,

You know, from vinyl, you're going to just be ripping it directly on CD or whatever it may be.

I don't know.

Maybe not.

I don't know.

I don't know how bootlegging really works.

I guess early bootlegging, you might actually have digital tapes.

Something like that.

They record on tape.

On tape, yeah.

Milkman could go off for an hour.

Oh, shit.

I've had Milkman on mute this whole time.

Hey, Milkman, are you there?

I'm sorry, Milkman.

We're talking about your expertise here.

Milkman will tell you.

Tape is still in in the industry.

Excuse me.

Are you calling Tesco?

We've been talking about you.

Number one, make it so.

Give me a message.

Tell him he's a whiner.

Yes, sir.

We're sending the link.

Tuck has sent the link for the song.

Let me take Tuck off of mute, too.

God, I'm being bad here tonight.

I'm sorry, Tuck.

Too many damn fours in here.

Four.

Seven, seven, seven, seven.

I miss Jim.

Yeah, I know.

Playing his stuff earlier tonight was good.

Good morning, Tesco.

That's Jeff.

I mean, if something,

don't want to use it to me, would you?

What can I help you with, then?

If you keep on exactly close at the moment,

Go look?

I can try to tell you as a duty manager if you'd just like to hold on, Mom.

Trying to connect your call.

Please hold the line.

They really probably just started mops that you don't have to touch to ring them out, you know, where you had the thing.

Probably just started using that.

I love my Swiffer webchats.

Me too.

Dude, you know, ever since I got it, my floor is always clean.

It's so easy now.

I hated a mop because you had to ring it and it left a little crap on the floor all the time.

Swiffer, one, two, three, man.

One, two, three.

The mop trying to connect your call.

Please hold the line.

So polite.

light let's drop the f for a second oh we've got a number for a university of florida uh dorm room

oh sweet it's a girl's dorm please your call

and just to say uh football in florida you've sucked all season that's all i gotta say i'm

very disappointed in all the universities of florida nunu is saying that they don't have

a swiffer jet well let's try to sell them on the option you know maybe we'll tell them what

how it works see if see if he'd go for it yeah tell me i'll sell mine for like 10 times what i

paid for yeah hello sir you need to come in and see change for the guys was that stock world

sir you had the one you don't have to touch on though you know to bring it out uh yeah

the action you know no but you don't have to actually touch the stuff right you don't touch

that part you touch something i'm very faint i'm afraid said you don't have to touch the stuff when

you ring it out right on that machine yeah yeah you see i knew it i knew where you guys were i i

I called it.

We're going to, let me tell you, you know, I don't know if you remember the Industrial Revolution,

but there were certain families in America that snuck over all the plans, you know.

And I'm willing to do that for you for 100 quid.

I will bring you one of those Swiffer jets and we'll make a mold of it and we'll start selling it

before the Americans can sell it in your store.

We'll make a mold of it, sir, a mold.

No, you'd have to go through our head office or something like that.

You know, cross a bunch of epoxy off the coast of Somalia.

Don't ask me how I got it, but I got it.

Now, all we need is the sponges.

And my fiancé is Greek, and they're really into sponge diving.

So I think right there, one, two, three, baby, we can make a Swiffer.

We don't call it a Swiffer.

We'll call it something else.

I'm going to have to go now, I'm afraid, because I've got some other business to go on that I tend to.

We'll call it Tim Wallace Wand.

You come through to security at night.

I've got, obviously, some security business to go and do now, I'm afraid.

So what do you do?

Do you shake down the people that are there too long?

Are you 24 hours, or when are you closing?

Yeah, no, we're open 24 hours.

When a black comes in, do you follow?

Follow him through the store.

Do they do that in Scotland, you think?

I don't know.

That's a good question.

Can I help you?

Can I help you, sir?

Hello?

Yes.

Have you been helped?

Is someone seeing you, sir?

Don't ask me.

Off the coast of Somalia.

I was off the coast of Somalia.

National waters.

It's not a crime if it's in international waters.

You can do it in the Caribbean.

Well, gee, there are parrots in the Caribbean.

True story.

When I was in high school, I had a friend of mine.

His uncle had won the lottery.

Powerball in New York.

and he showed me pictures of um his uncle wasted it all like a yacht um most of the money he wasted

it on a yacht and he showed me pictures of this yacht that his uncle had and one room they had

one little like a locker it's full of weapons and i was like damn why do you what is he got so many

weapons on his yacht and he said yeah because pirates are you for real it's like yeah but when

you have a yacht like that you have to have weapons on it because you know you might get

pirates on there thinking you know this guy has money we can kidnap him and get some kind of

a ransom you know and the guy would he would uh he would take it all the way down the key west and

he would take it out to like you know he'd go you know a few hundred miles down south he'd be out

like you know by the bahamas and cuba and stuff like that fishing and uh or just you know just

riding out you know just you know going out on the big ass yacht and they always and uh he said

that while they were out as a matter of fact a boat came by with some some really suspicious

suspicious looking people and they were like watching you know they were watching they freaked

out and the guy was like oh shit here we go you know you know and he went down to the locker was

getting ready to get the weapons ready and stuff because he thought it was but apparently they were

just coming to go to look at the yacht they're trying to get a close look at it because it was

so big apparently but yeah he showed me pictures of like the guys and they looked like they were

like chinese man like it's creepy like you know how like chinese people there's like chinese boats

that you know are all over the all over the world just fishing you know they'll be like right by

like the united states and stuff like that chinese people out there fishing big boats they don't have

uh worried about food they're eating process defeat that don't they like process the fish

and can it a lot of times right on the boat right before they even make it back to china and stuff

it's creepy it's craziness wow yeah sometimes sometimes efficiency kind of it can be weird

weird yeah those those chinese i don't know man something about them that's something i

you know i'm a democrat but i'm concerned about voting for hillary because i know that al gore

and the Clintons both had

a lot of interest in China

in a period of time which ushered in

when China now controls a lot

of capital in the United States

and they own our future

they do and in a conflict

and they've actually admitted this

publicly that they would do this

they would hold this card that if

the United States were to go into some type of

conflict with China over Taiwan

the Chinese aren't above

asking that all their

citizens and all their whatever

cash in all their treasuries.

We owe a lot of money to China.

The United States owes a lot of money

to China, and it could be really easy

that China says, all right, pay it now.

That could lead to another recession.

It could lead to another depression,

I should say, rather. Another depression

could happen as a result of China

doing that. They could do that to us if they wanted

fucking Chinese. How could we?

Let's call the dorm room of the University of Florida.

This is a woman, a lady's

dorm. What is that from?

That is from Network, isn't it?

I need to hear that, dude.

I'm going to go...

How much do you want to bet YouTube has that?

I have got to hear that speech, man.

You know, that's a great movie.

Remember that guy?

That crazy guy, and they gave him his own show, and then they killed him?

All the corporations killed him?

Oh, no.

You never saw Network, man?

That's like in the 70s?

No.

You need to watch Network.

Oh, man.

Old movie, but it has so many parallels to today.

Everybody out there listening, Network is a very good movie from the 70s.

I don't know exactly when.

and I want to say mid to late 70s.

Mrs. Dark Jedi is saying,

Carlito, other countries owe us a shitload of money too.

That's true.

Saudi Arabia, Japan.

Japan.

Well, they owe us.

That's true.

Yeah, they owe us,

but I think it's more the other way around.

I know Japan is one country

that holds a lot of capital in the United States.

They could really, really ding us

if they wanted to economically.

They could cripple us.

China could in a second.

And if you could think about

what would happen to the American economy

If an employer of the size of Walmart that relies on a lot of Chinese imports for its low deals, if they lost that source right there, if a trade embargo were to go in place of some sort or extra high tariffs of some sort, Walmart employs a lot of people.

People and a lot of people may get by due to our dependence now on Walmart.

And Walmart being affected negatively could affect the economy negatively itself.

And a lot of communities where all they have these days anymore, all that's left is a Walmart.

All that's left in a lot of towns is a Walmart.

So, you know, Kmart used to be top of the heap one day, and they almost went out.

And Woolworths was a big thing before in the past.

And all these companies go, what's going to happen when Walmart goes away?

You know, someone will be there to pick up the slack, but, you know, China, everybody, China.

That's why I'm concerned about voting for Hillary.

That's why I don't think, I might not vote for a Democrat this year.

I might actually vote for a Green Party member or something, or an independent, something like that.

Yeah.

You know, I'm very worried about China.

That's something that we've lost here in America, if I may interject real quick.

But, yeah, go ahead and continue.

They don't know how to best moral attainment of safety.

What he means necessary, I think, is the way they go about it.

Well, I don't want to induce clean to the natural environment.

People who are in the country become wealthy.

They even say now that the Olympics are going to be held next year

might be affected by the amount of pollution that hangs over Beijing.

They're not fixing the problem.

The Chinese tend to do things because they want to.

We learn in management there's ways to handle ethical business running,

and you could either be a proactive problem solver

where you, you know, look for problems before they happen,

or you can be a reactive one where you, you know,

you really only do it until you're basically, you have to,

because if you don't, there's going to be a lot of negative, you know,

either legal or just backlash from the public.

Things of this nature and so forth.

What's new in a society like this where people are to be very, very quiet?

People are quiet in the way things are done.

I see this in my work.

students are always so quiet in this

sort of opinion, because with people

and just saying how something should be, for example,

told them earlier, they thought someone

was going to do it this way. Yeah, they've

a wheel, you know what I mean? Is that what I should say?

The machine, they're very

conformist, and it

belies the fact that they're a communist

society, and they've been so for a very long time.

It bothers me, because if you don't

in the country, the natural... All come in time,

they're slowly becoming individually

economically independent,

and with time, you know, that

That leads to people becoming more assertive for themselves.

It'll change.

I give them 20 years, but I don't know if the world is going to survive that type of punishment.

They're really bad at polluting.

I mean, even this week, there was a lot of talk in Congress about the problems with the safety of toys coming from there.

Because it's all tainted.

It's all tainted.

Because of all the shortcuts that they take.

Ted, we're going to do more prank calls.

We're going to call the University of Florida dorm room.

We also have Elsie Wong, class of 2008.

She's the co-chair of Chinese Culture Association at some college in Massachusetts.

We also have Megan Sloan.

She's the class of 2008 Secretary of Chinese Culture as well at the same institution.

Well, quickly here, per request, we're going to play what I was talking about.

Ted, I recommend put the phone down for a second.

Don't hang up, but listen online if you can get to the speaker.

You'll see what we're talking about here.

This is from Network.

work how much time we got okay let's see let's see this skip to the good portions with his

return to the vietnam 98.6

i don't have to tell you things are bad everybody knows it'll all come in time

everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job the dollar buys a nickel's worth

banks are going bust shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter punks are running wild in the street

There's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it.

We know.

The air is unfit to breathe, and our food is unfit to eat.

We sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had 15 homicides and 63 violent crimes,

as if that's the way it's supposed to be.

We know things are bad, worse than bad.

They're crazy.

It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore.

We sit in the house, and slowly the world we're living in is getting smaller,

and all we say is, please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms.

Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radios,

and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.

Well, I'm not going to leave you alone. I want you to get mad.

I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot.

I don't want you to write to your congressman,

because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write.

I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation

and the Russians and the crime in the street.

All I know is that, first, you've got to get mad.

You've got to say, I'm a human being.

God damn it! My life

has value! I want you

to get up now. I want all

of you to get up out of your chairs.

I want you to get up right now and go

to the window, open it

and stick your head out and yell

I'm as mad as hell

and I'm not going to take this anymore!

I want you to get up right now.

Get up, go to your

windows, open them and stick your

head out and yell I'm as mad

as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!

Things have got to change!

So that's the basic reasoning.

Ted's still listening to it.

That's basically it right there.

It's a movie, basically.

I guess this guy, he already talks.

They give him his own show.

That's like a little editorial piece he did on the network news or something.

And he ended up having his own show, and then he ended up getting killed by the corporations.

I don't know if you considered a comment about it.

You don't ever hear much about Ted.

I don't know if you got to hear that, but that's...

Yeah, I listened to it.

It's kind of a silly movie.

movie it's it's not as intense and like that and about shit but whatever anyway yeah i see zolar

is back that's that's cool i know you're not cool with zola but zolar will be on tomorrow night all

you syndicate radio listeners uh just real quick plug here uh zola will be on tomorrow night at 10

p.m eastern standard time i missed his last show he did it live on location man but i was so tired

i had such a rough week last week i fell asleep like at nine i was getting sick and i took a dose

some NyQuil, and I thought, ah, I can stay

out for another two hours. Ten minutes later,

I was passed out on the

couch. I got so sick this week,

and I'm still reeling from it right now.

Alright, you ready to call the dorm room,

man? Oh, me too, man. I got sick, too.

Tuck got sick, too. That's bad,

Tuck. Alright, we've got the

dorm room. We should take this one. What

are you thinking here? Jack Masterson should call in.

What do we... Yeah, let's

have Jack call the dorm room and talk to

the ladies. Just ask them about a penny

panty raid i never had a panty raid you know that's i heard so much about that growing up i

grew up in the 80s and in the 90s and they always said oh yeah when you get to college you're going

to go on panty raids panty raids man i didn't have one goddamn panty raid at all when i was in college

i'm still in college now i've been college for the last 10 years i started my college career

in august of 1997 and i'm still in college right now isn't that sad i haven't had one been in one

One damn panty raid at all.

I'm so curious.

I have a fetish with panties,

and I'm here to say we should look into that

and see if I can get a make-a-wish or something

so I can be in a panty raid before the end of the decade.

Funny noises in the background.

In Milkman's honor, we're going to play a Jimi Hendrix song.

That Jimi Hendrix song is going to be...

Shut up, Milkman.

That Jimi Hendrix song is going to be

The House of the Rising Sun.

Hang on, everybody.

Right back after this.

Bruce, how are you?

This is Bruce from Vesemar.

I'm going to kick your ass so bad.

We're playing Vanderbilt on Sunday.

Ask me the numbers.

Okay, hang on.

That was stupid.

We're playing Vanderbilt next, this weekend.

Wow.

On, uh, in football.

I'm like, real security.

No, from.

The security is, did you get a call?

There's some guy from Vanderbilt calling around,

complaining a panty raid.

There you go, I just sent it to you in Gmail.

Ask your brother, tell him you have, um,

Advanced notice of a pannier raid.

I'm about to go next to get everybody out as soon as possible.

I don't hear anything.

Milkman, be quiet.

He's talking blah, blah, blah.

That's a good domain name.

I don't think I'm muted.

I don't think so either.

I'm going to send you the other ones.

These are college girls, and they're in dorm rooms like this one here.

She's in a dorm room.

She's Taryn Tong.

She's the SGA rep for the Chinese Culture Association at her university.

Oh, God.

I shouldn't be the one to talk to her.

Why?

What's going on?

I'm thinking it's a UK number.

Does he have a zip code? Does he have a zip code?

Yeah, it is that bad.

Who is it?

I'm not at Mount Holyoke anymore.

You're not at what?

I'm not at Mount Holyoke anymore.

Well, did it kick you out, or?

No, I graduated.

By the way, you can leave college.

Okay.

I want to get to know more about Chinese culture or something, and you can tell me all about it.

Yeah, I'm not in the state of Massachusetts anymore, but you can contact the Mount Holyoke.

If you call one of the Mount Holyoke numbers, they can give you the contact for who's in charge of the class.

Well, it's about time to learn this stuff that is left to live.

What do you want to learn about?

Well, okay, so I have a list of things, employment, Chinese person to have, like...

What are you trying to learn about Chinese culture about for? Is this for a class or something?

What I want to do is learn enough of Chinese culture so that I can take the country over.

Lady, since you got your degree, do you plan to be a nail tech?

Do you plan to be a really good nail tech?

I thought you got yourself a...

You're in?

No.

A Chinese lady.

Sir.

That's nothing to that one.

I just want to let you know that the rumor about them going slanty is true.

Okay, here's the...

They're slanty.

It says, do Chinese women...

Representative Chinatown has no comment.

I'm sorry I jumped in there, but I just felt inspired.

I was seeing, I was seeing, I was like, let me help Ted out.

She got upset.

Excuse me?

We call Tenzin Daokou, who's position is the Historian Chinese Culture Association.

That sounds like it got translated from Chinese, that title right there.

Position is Historian Chinese Culture Association.

I don't have any Chinese culture.

And Milkman's decided he wants to talk all of a sudden.

Ching chong, chang chong, ching.

The same to me.

Yeah, you told me about that.

Is that archived anywhere, or is that on personal time?

I had so much fun, which I called once, I remember.

The Ninja Turtles, and the lady was so damn...

Huh? Ninja Turtles?

I was listening the other day, told the lady my name was Vagina Jones, and I busted out laughing.

I remember that one.

She's like, Jonah-san?

Like, yeah, Vagina Jones.

And then I didn't, and at the end of the show, I called her back, and I was messing around with her, and she goes, Mr. Vagina?

Like that, she said that.

Like, is this Mr. Vagina?

Like, she remembered the call, I was like, oh, man.

All right, I have the number for a hotel in Japan.

All right, cool.

Vagina Jones.

And everybody coming up next on The Mouth.

98.6.

The Mouth.

Wasee, wasee.

Mushy, mushy.

How are you, sir?

Hi, good.

Do you have English speaker?

Mushy, mushy.

See if they have English speaker.

Yeah.

You know, Walmart, speaking of which, they started their Black Friday specials today.

Halloween.

Nothing's sacred anymore.

Why even take your Christmas tree down anymore, Ted?

Why don't you just leave it up the whole frickin' year?

Yep, it's 1...

Christmas 2 in June.

Well, my birthday is, like, June 20th, so it might as well be then.

Christmas 2, Carlito Day.

Six months later.

Original Christmas.

Classic Christmas.

Hi, I'd like a new sweater.

Insta-threader.

Ninja Turtles.

I need them for four Ninja Turtles.

Four rooms.

For which date?

Friday.

This Friday.

November...

Next.

November 9th.

9th.

When rent?

For Ninja Turtles.

We

can't.

We only.

How much for one room?

No, no.

No.

We have three rooms.

Second?

Room.

You're talking with Ninja Turtles?

I don't understand.

What's a Ninja Turtle?

Two, uh, then they came in.

Mushi Mushi?

Mushi Mushi, hello?

Hi, hi.

I am an FBI agent, and I'm tracing Mr. Splinter, who is on the phone right now, or is a Master

Shredder.

I understand the feel.

Mushi Mushi.

Mooshy.

Mooshy, mooshy.

One, two, three.

Ichi, ni, san.

Ichi, ni, san, hi.

Mooshy, mooshy.

Ichi, ni, san.

That's all I know, baby.

Yes.

Ma'am.

Lingus.

He knows what kind of Lingus means.

Ted, I'm out of here, man.

I'm hired.

The night is upon us.

I don't know what ninja tells us.

Lingus says, well, hey, you know.

American sailors.

All right, well, catch back on me on the computer.

Thank you.

Okay, good, good.

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, everybody, yeah.

Whatever, Milkman.

Okay, Milkman, take us out of here.

Milkman, take us out of here, man.

It's time.

Hey, man.

It's been a really interesting day, isn't it?

Yeah.

Thanks to Ted for calling in, for providing us with some entertainment.

I thought the hardest work in the past.

Thank you, Tim.

It's been an honor.

And stop your artless talk.

It's all about you.

Yes, it's all about you.

and there would be nobody to share our lives with.

Thank you so much for tuning in.

This would suck without people listening.

I forget to thank Harper.

I'll be not helped.

Thank you, my bad.

Yeah, well, thank you.

Thank you, everybody, for listening tonight.

I would like to thank Lonesome Loser for providing numbers.

I'd like to thank Nunu.

I am sorry that I didn't get to the number that was sent in to us

by the guy from Verizon.

My bad.

The talent, Mr. Ripley.

Dude, I will get to your call.

I'm going to shoot for, you know, I didn't do that Saturday show to Ted because I was sick, unfortunately.

Maybe we'll shoot for a Saturday night show this week.

Maybe, maybe not.

We'll see.

Maybe we'll be around Saturday night, so be tuned.

In the meantime, this weekend, we will update the podcast with three new episodes.

We will also update the stream information.

I want to give a special thanks to the best station out there.

Our primary station here, of course, is Syndicate Radio, syndicateradio.tv.

home to all you Syndicate Radio

transvestites TV

syndicateradio.tv everybody

Zolar will be on tomorrow night

at 10pm Eastern Standard Time

for Zolar Vision Great Show

thank you very much

be sure to stay tuned for Hook Nose Mike

coming up at the conclusion

the exciting conclusion of Madhouse Radio

here in just a few minutes

if you're listening to us on Syndicate Radio

thank you again for bearing with us tonight

and our technical problems

and be sure to stay tuned for Hook Nose Mike

Hook Nose Mike my bad

But be sure to stay tuned for Hooknose.

Man, I am fucked up.

Hooknose the show is coming up in a little bit, so be excited about that, all right?

And look forward to going to manhouselife.com.

Okay, Milkman, thank you for being on.

I'm going to cut you off because it sounds like you just fell in the toilet, Milkman, whatever.

Milkman, call me after the show.

Thank you.

I command you to call me after the show.

I want to thank Tuck and Ted.

Gentlemen, thank you very much for being on tonight.

Thank you, Ted, for helping us out with some prank calls at the end.

That was a good time.

Yes.

If you want, I can conference Milkman in.

I wouldn't mind talking to him, too.

Okay, sure, yeah.

When he calls, I'll let you know online, and we'll figure it out.

Or you call Milkman.

Call him on his own number, then call me or something.

We'll shoot the shit or something like that.

Call Milkman after the show.

All right, everybody, we're out of here.

Thank you very much for listening tonight.

We'll be back on next week.

Go to madhouselive.com.

Thank you, Syndicate.

Thank you, everybody who listened, everybody who sent the numbers.

Thank you, nobody, for calling in.

And Tuck's revolution is in the house.

Bye, everybody.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Oh, fuck you, fucking penis!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (12, 35 min of 2 h 7 min)

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