2007-12-20 Show

What happens in America?

Well, we steamed your ass in World War II.

What do you have to do?

Who ever did?

And who helped you out just now?

You piss off, woman.

Don't talk to me like that.

We don't need you anyway, bitch.

Stop.

Fuck you.

Call me a stinky, stinky fucker.

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Cracking, everybody.

Yeah.

With now being traced by AT&T Security and Call Tracing Network,

you will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

All right, everybody.

Madhouse Radio coming to a strong start here.

Thank you, everybody, for joining us tonight.

This is I, Carlito. Every Thursday night we are here entertaining you.

Have fun. We do pranks. We do talk. We do collars. We do all that stuff.

So please enjoy tonight with us.

Here tonight, of course, is none other than the Milkman.

Milkman, what's going on, man?

How are you doing?

How you doing, my friend, man?

Good to hear you back, man.

You survived another week, did you?

Yeah, I did. Sure enough.

Somehow, someway, survived another week.

I also see Big Ted is in here.

Ted, what's going on, man?

How you doing?

Ted's going to have one of those silent nights where he doesn't talk again.

Shit.

And, of course, Tuck is in here.

Tuck, prankcall.info.

What's going on, man?

Symphony Power Revolution.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you, too.

Thank you, Tuck.

Hey, hey, I'm here.

I'm here.

Ted is here.

I'm out.

I'm 8.6.

Yeah, I'm on the present internet land of Chicagoland.

I hear you, man.

All right, well, everybody, we're here tonight.

I said Baz already.

ReadyBadz is hanging out, chilling.

It's good to talk to you all.

It's good to have you all here on the roundtable.

It is now 10.13 p.m.

It is.

In Maranatha, we have the roundtable.

Yes, sir.

Got to have the roundtable.

It is 10.14 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

That will make it 7.14 p.m. Tedco's time.

December the 20th.

This is the last show before Christmas.

I'm in Chicago right now, though.

You're in Chicago?

Oh, Chicago, Chicago.

Chicago, Chicago, Chicago.

Yeah, I visited my parents.

Yeah, so you're from Chi-Town, huh?

All right, cool.

Or they just live there now?

No, born and raised.

Born and raised on a playground where he spent most of his days in Chicago.

All right, good.

Well, what do you say we do?

Hey, hey, hey.

What's going on in the news?

What can we talk about?

I don't know.

I had something written down, but I forgot.

Brittany's sister is pregnant.

And she's 16.

And she's on Nickelodeon.

Scandalous.

you know what really cracked me up about that

she's such a great role model for young girls

well here's what really pissed me off

I'm looking online

CNN.com has an article

a poll on their front page

what are you going to tell your children about

Jamie Lynn Spears

I'm like who fucking cares

what's the point

what are you going to do now that this travesty has happened

it happens

she's 16 she got pregnant

that only happens all over the world

just because she's on TV

TV, all of a sudden it's going to be a big deal or something.

Do you really have to explain it to an 11-year-old girl why the girl on the TV show that she

watches is pregnant?

No, because over around here, they're already married off to a 20-year-old named Bubba.

Oh, well, that's because you live in the twisted state of Tennessee, or wherever it is.

Well, that's right.

Tennessee.

To Tennessee.

Tennessee, there we go with another geographically requested song.

Tennessee coming off the mouth line here.

Arrested Development, this is from 1992.

Arrested Development on the mouth.

Anyway, so seriously though, we're talking.

What else happened?

What's his name?

John Edwards has a love child apparently.

I don't know if you've heard about this, but if you haven't, please listen to it.

John Edwards, Democratic candidate, one of the lead candidates right now.

not the lead candidate but probably third place behind obama and of course hillary and uh he's

got a he's got a love child apparently so imagine that i don't know it's like gary hart all over

again you're all probably too young to even know what we're talking about anyways just reading

things here i see a lot of people talking about i don't know let me thank everybody in the chat

room tonight everybody hanging out i see a lot of people here um we're going to be taking your

calls milkman what does that toll free line brother how do people call us tonight my friend

Well, we got it set up. We got the time. You give us the time.

You just call 888-278-850-9-er.

That's right, 888-278-850-9-er.

Enjoy the show tonight, man. We got some exciting shit coming up.

Oh, yeah, we do. We got a lot of exciting stuff tonight. A lot of prank calls, I'm sure.

Problem, we don't see Lonesome Loser anywhere.

Maybe he's on vacation for the weekend. I don't know. Didn't talk to him at all.

He usually keeps me informed of changes in his itinerary, so we can only find it safe to assume he'll be here soon.

We do have a huge bank of numbers we can call.

We've got requests that came in through the week by email.

People will hit our official website, madhouselive.com.

Be sure you go there if you have any prime call requests, or just send them to me via AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger.

The messenger name is Madhouse Radio on AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger.

And, of course, you have the toll-free line that we gave earlier.

If you want to call us and say what's up, talk about the show, do some prank calls,

talk about prank calls, complain, make fun of me, you can all do that.

And that's the place to do it.

Yes.

Anyway, in the meantime, we're going to go ahead and play something here real quickly

in order to find the number to prank call here.

Actually, no, I have it right here in front of me.

Let's get that again.

There we go.

This one comes from Double Dog Drake online.

line he's listening to the show at the madhouse website right now he says he keeps getting wrong

numbers from stupid people and uh he wants us to spread his wrath and prank them uh morgan chase

villa rolla beth and glenn stockwell are all these people that are calling him okay whatever i don't

it would be nice to know who they're calling for but we can mess with them sure morgan chase that

sounds like the name of a bank morgan chase morgan chase trust anyway and if you want to reach us

Yeah, Morgan Chase, I guess that Morgan name is a little...

Oh, here's news.

I have a new job.

I'm waiting on my start date, but I got a new job.

Much better job than what I'm doing now.

I'm kind of excited about that.

Well, congrats, man.

Hey, thanks, man.

I'm going to tell you now.

Watch out, ladies.

Gentlemen, lock your ladies up.

How did I get out of the Madhouse chat room?

What happened here?

I'm having trouble with my internet connection, my friends.

This has not bode well.

for the show tonight everybody just relax trying to do some repairs here on the fly

and i sound really low and down i'm tired i'm tired and you know i always have a complaint

especially lately i'm always making a complaint about this i don't feel good my ass hurts this

this that wham i really need to start you know being more assertive i'm saying but anywho so

we're going to call this cat hurts not mine i'm glad you look for the aggression god it must

This sounds boring tonight, too, right?

Everyone's like, God, Carlito's like, you know?

I kind of am.

That's how I feel.

We're right back with the first prank call of the night.

This is to Morgan Chase, who keeps calling the wrong number.

We do this for you.

You better have your pencils ready.

I do.

Number two, two, two, two, two, two.

On that, on that, on that.

Wait one minute here.

Is there such a thing as a number one pencil?

Does that exist?

Why is it always a number two?

When have I ever showed up to a test with a number one pencil and said, oh, fuck, I

don't have a number one pencil?

No, number one is considered HB.

It's called HB.

HB?

What the hell is HB?

What's that used for?

What is that used for, like, woodworking?

No, actually, there are different softnesses in the lead for traditional drafting,

where you had a pencil, a T-square, a drawing board, and paper.

So originally, the one that you lettered with was HB, and you had 2H and 4H as well.

And those are, like, your 4H is for your really tiny, fine, like, 1 32nd lines,

and and your QH you could use your more heavier lines and this is actually

hardest and HB is the softest this is for drafting what's that what's drafting

is that like for it just work what was it drafting exactly like like you actually

got a real t-square which is like you know it's a strip of wood or metal and

then it had a t on the end and a big wooden drawing board and it was all

all straight, and you lined your paper up and you had the triangles and all that,

and you had isometric, orthographic, and different styles that you used.

But the pencils would be used for different types of lines

or different parts of your drawings.

I took ghetto drafting when we had one pencil.

Well, you know, I would like a number.

I'm reading here that...

Go ahead, go ahead.

I'm reading here that number one pencils are used for scoring bowling and golf.

Okay, so bowling and golf.

Like those little baby pencils you get.

They're also to stab people in the neck with when you're in the pen.

Also, it's those little mini pencils that you get when you go putt-putt golfing and stuff.

Okay.

That makes a little more sense now.

Those are number one pencils.

Let's see.

You learned everything.

Milkman and you, sir, Baz, both get golden stars each.

Good work.

Mm-hmm.

All right.

Hey, what about my contribution, you bastard?

We'll give you a half gold star.

There you go.

Well, that was a full one.

All right.

So far on the board, we have tied for first place Milkman, Baz, and Ted Webb with one gold star each.

Where will we end up at the end of the night?

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of Madhouse Radio.

Stay tuned.

Okay, we were doing a prank call, gentlemen, and that's what I aim to do.

Morgan Chase.

This all started at a song.

Let's start it again.

Back in a moment.

Grab your number two pencils.

Morgan Stanley and Chase Manhattan.

Y'all better have your pencils ready.

Great idea

So you know when I said that sounded like a bank

Apparently it is a bank

The whole time

Damn it

Alright well let's call Glenn Stockwell

This is Glenn Stockwell coming up next

Everybody

Madhouse Radio

We should visit syndicateradio.tv

Walmart and Eskimos, they have the K-Fed Bell.

I need numbers, guys.

Guys, come on now.

You guys got to work with me.

Give me some numbers here.

I'm not going to go far.

Nunu has sent in a number for a retirement home.

A retirement home that has a live webcam.

Have you guys seen that yet?

What's the status on the webcam?

Is it hopping?

I heard they have live music at the retirement home.

That's something.

Wow.

Nunu's girlfriend actually works there.

Nunu probably does.

She's a tosser.

Okay, anyway.

We're not going to call that yet.

We're saving that for later.

Right now, Glenn Stockwell coming up next on Madhouse Radio.

This is some country music, mister.

Watching the show, the people that dance for the money.

Who am I talking to?

This is Villa Rolobeth.

Villa?

Yes, sir.

Just calling you on the invoice here.

I was just looking over some papers and grading some papers tonight.

I thought I'd give you a call.

I'm kind of concerned with the fact that a lot of your answers here, Glenn, are matching up with number 12s also.

You wouldn't think it's a pro-call.

One.

Hey, that sucked, didn't it?

Yep.

What was that?

No, don't clap.

Don't clap.

We didn't deserve that.

Anyway, so continuing on with more Madhouse Radio tonight.

I don't know what else we can do.

Kind of run this show into the ground already pretty early.

Mindfuck is sending in numbers for a toll-free number that keeps calling him.

Keep getting toll-free calls from 800 numbers.

I think you could have some given them a call.

That's his language, not mine.

Okay.

Okay, new news reporting.

The music is almost over.

Everybody who wants to see this, we're going to prank call this retirement home here.

O-I-C-C-A-M dot com forward slash retirement.

So that's O-I-C-C-A-M dot com forward slash retirement.

That is the location that I'm about to prank call right now.

Apparently have some live music there tonight.

A lot of old people around Milkman's age.

That's good.

Nothing wrong with that.

It's loading up right now.

Let's take a look.

Don't be paggied against those old farts.

And look at that.

The old people.

There's an old guy sitting with a Santa hat on on a wheelchair.

I see.

There's some other guy standing around like a jackass.

It looks like it's daytime there still, too.

That's something.

Well, good.

Good for those old people.

They still get along.

They still get down, you know.

They've got a big old Christmas party going on.

Yeah, so Christmas is on Tuesday.

Everybody excited?

Anybody doing any traveling or anything?

If you pan to the right, you'll see the cowboy band.

Okay, so I can actually control the camera here.

And again, one last time, this is OIC cam.

It should be arrows.

Right, I see it.

This is OICcam.com forward slash retirement is the website that we're talking about.

And we really need to play, I was saying, you know, it's the last show before Christmas.

I should be playing some Christmas songs here.

Anybody have a request here for a Christmas song?

I pretty much have a lot of them.

Anything?

Anything.

Nobody.

I don't know if I have that

Let's see, K-I-S

No, I don't have that

Come on, Milkman

Something mainstream, come on

No, I'm asking for something serious, see

We're going to play God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

Okay, I'm not playing that

That's gay

What else do we have here?

How about

I'm not feeling this Christmas at all

I don't have the Christmas spirit

Let's see, let's see what else

I got Frosty the Snowman

No, Grandma

Got run over by a reindeer

In her whippetrollery

No

I should know

You have Miss Christmas for Christmas

By ACDC

Mistress for Christmas

I heard you have

Dick the Holes

I mean Deck the Halls

Mistress for Christmas

I've never heard of that

It's an ACDC song

Is it really?

Why don't I have that yet?

I should have that

Holy crap

No, I really should have

I should have the Razor's Edge

I'll have to check that out

This one's for Milkman

Deck the halls

With boughs of holly

Fa la la la la la la la

No, I don't have Mistress

That is a great movie, man.

Christmas Story?

Yeah, I love that movie.

Yeah, it's a great movie.

That's an awesome movie.

Take the whole thing and I'll make it.

Not really Christmas.

When I'm done talking, I'll write it to you.

It's in my store.

It's my great-great-grandson.

Okay, guys.

I'm in a store.

Okay, good work

Alright, here comes the retirement home, everybody

Listen to this and enjoy yourselves

Get in the Christmas spirit

Is that right, Eric?

That's right

Jingle, jingle

Gay apparel

It's a homophobe

Yeah, gay apparel is spandex and leg warmers

Hi

Hi.

Meet me after the song and we'll have some real pleasure.

Love, love, love.

Yay.

Debbie speaking.

Christmas, how are you, my sister?

Who's this?

Are you having a blessed Christmas so far?

Well, yeah, we're having a party.

What kind of party?

What's the party about?

We're having a Christmas party here with our family.

Who's this?

Is Santa Claus there?

He was.

There's a guy in a wheelchair.

I think he's Santa Claus.

I was kind of excited.

What are you talking about?

My great-grandpa's, he's in a Santa Claus hat.

Could you ask him to come on the phone?

Oh, well, I've got several of them Santa hats.

He's in the wheelchair.

How about Bob?

Yeah, him.

Okay, well, you didn't give me your name, so I didn't know who it was.

Yeah, but I'm trying to Western Union him the money for Christmas, but we needed to get the...

Oh.

You know, so...

Okay.

Bob McMahon?

Yes.

Okay, hold on.

I'm actually falling for it.

Let's see if she gets them.

You know, Bob's real name is Nunu.

Eric, get some headphones.

Actually, here, put these on.

Put those on there.

Give me the end of the cord.

I'll hook you up.

I'll get everything in the brush.

That's probably C now.

She doesn't look like she sounds.

Look at that.

She's not going to...

Thank you, the Christmas food.

Oh, no.

She's actually going to start pushing him over to the phone.

This is bad.

If you want to see what we're talking about, go to oiccam.com.

Wow, she's hot.

Forward slash retirement.

She's a hot old 70-year-old.

Look at that.

He's just next to him like, hey, there's a fish tank back there.

Did you fork?

I need my chair tow.

We're waiting patiently for the old man.

Gosh, you probably may not get that.

He'll pass out and take a nap before he makes it to the phone.

Stop before we even see him on the cam here taking a nap.

So, where does a camera come from?

Wow, I think I'm a huge speaker in that room.

I'll give it to your dad.

Thank you.

Hey, Santa.

It's Santa.

Hi, Santa.

Is that you, Mark?

Yeah, how you doing?

This is a phone call I don't need.

Why not?

Sorry for what happened.

I'm sorry for what happened.

What do you mean, what happened?

I'm sorry about what happened.

To me?

Yes.

Okay, that's nice of you.

Thank you.

We're going to come bust you out.

Okay.

Okay?

When can you have your stuff all packed?

When can you pack your stuff up?

I can't hear you.

When are you going to pack your stuff?

Stoppers is off.

That's good.

Very good.

How are your teeth doing, sir?

They're doing fine.

That's good.

Well, Santa's going to come.

He's going to come bust you out.

And I want you to...

Okay, thank you.

No, but you want to come out, don't you?

I'm sorry we put...

I'm sorry we put you there.

Bye-bye.

It is so nasty.

I'm moving the camera around.

I'm trying to find the guy.

Yeah, I don't know where they took him over to.

Look at that guy there.

That guy looks like Santa right there.

The guy playing the music.

Zolar has got a scene to tell him that the Germans are coming to take him to the zoo.

That would have been good.

Darn it.

That would have been a good idea.

Should have been paying attention to that.

Yeah, Saiga's making a good point.

Whoever Mark was, he didn't want to talk.

So, apparently, I think Mark probably put him in the retirement home and took his money or something.

It's probably enough.

The call I don't want to have.

Yeah.

Yeah, they got some.

Yeah, this is a call I don't need right now, whatever that was.

Yeah.

This is a call I don't need right now.

Poor old guy.

They're probably fighting with each other.

Yeah.

Happens, man.

Happens this time of year, you know.

You're overdue on your shipment to me of my D-pens.

They provide that at the retirement home.

They got all the D-pens.

Rascal Scooters and everything

Let's see if we get a replay here

Hang on

Alright well we continue here

And Wendy for the

They never brought him back either

I guess he's probably upset

He went to go joke some eggnog

I think he went and filled his deep ends up

And he's getting a change right now

Re-oiling up that Rascal Scooter

Yeah

You having fun, Milkman? Milkman's having a lot of fun tonight.

Good for you, man. I'm happy.

I never have fun.

I'm a freaking fucking wabbit.

Anyway, I'm trying to find the Lonesome Loser archives here.

I've got to open that file.

We'll see if we can call some old numbers, because he's not around anymore.

I don't want any of this. I'm all blue.

Man, I'm really tired.

I'm not bullshitting. I'm really tired.

I don't know how much further I'm going to go tonight.

There we go. The Lonesome Log is what I call it.

It's an archive.

Lonesome Loser confirmed numbers since the last two years.

And again, if you want to call us here toll-free tonight, you can.

The toll-free line is 888-278-8509.

Be sure to call us in if you'd like.

All right, Milkman, why don't you throw out a phrase or a word or something here,

and we'll do a search for it and find a business-apprent call.

My goodness, how about grill?

Grill. All right, here comes grill. Hang on, let's find out what we get.

Did I do the wrong one?

Okay, I'm going to read these out.

You stop me when you see something you want.

We've got Humpty's DMP Bar and Grill.

That was from July of 2007.

Let's see what else we've got here.

We've got the Wild Weasel Bar and Grill.

We've got Annie Fanny's Bar, Grill, and Casino.

We've got a bunch of Chili's here.

Let's see.

Morty's Tap and Grill.

Stinky's Grill.

There we go.

Stinky's Grill sounds good.

That's from October the 14th.

I already got some potential there.

Yeah, we do.

How come we didn't call that in October?

Here's Jonathan, of course.

Jonathan, you're on the line.

What's going on, man?

What's up, Coach?

Nothing.

We're just here looking for numbers to call.

Yeah.

How was your week, man?

Pretty good.

Yeah?

Guess who called me the other day?

Cheese Boy?

Yes.

What's up with him?

How's he doing?

He's doing all right.

You don't want to call him Cheese Boy anymore.

It may appear that he's been spying in the stick cam room.

A name that we didn't know about.

Oh, really?

Well, that's Sly Bastard.

Wow, that son of a bitch.

So he's been sitting there spying on you?

Or just everybody in general?

Yeah, well, you've got to watch out, man.

He's your manager.

He's your boss.

He'll get you fired.

Or what is he?

He just repairs your bus, right?

That's all he does?

He's a general shop foreman.

Okay.

Oh, shit.

It sounds like it's important.

Well, we'll be careful.

We'll watch out.

We'll let you know if we see him around, all right?

We won't answer any questions.

Good deal.

You got all your...

Hey, if you call him, do not call him cheese anymore.

He's serious about it.

I understand.

So, it's a long story, Eric.

How about Cheddar Head?

Cheddar Head.

That's right.

We can call him Cheddar Head.

Hey, let's do that.

What's his number?

Send me his number, Jonathan.

We'll call him Cheddar Head.

See if he likes that.

No?

I don't want him to go back to the hall there.

Ah, well, we don't want that.

Oh, Jonathan got scared there.

Jonathan's going to get Jonathan scared.

Jonathan, have you done all your Christmas shopping yet?

Or have you had enough to do?

Oh, no, I'm not going to do that.

I've got all my Christmas shopping done.

Good for you.

Not me.

I'll be braving the crowd's...

What about Salami Man?

Salami Man?

That's a good one.

Baloney Head?

I really want to call him.

What's his number?

Give me...

Send me...

I have his number.

I want to call him.

What number do you call him?

He's never wrong with me calling Salami.

Call him on his phone number.

The 867 number.

What's...

Can you get...

Can you send it to me online right now?

Yeah, hang on.

We'll get to the bottom of this here, because we can't have Cheese Boy upset.

What's his name?

Dale Davis or something like that?

Pete Smith

Let me play

For those who don't know

What we're talking about

I don't think it's an

Especially funny prank call

But it's been done

Cheese boy

Kathy

do the prank?

Yeah, that's a...

Hey, Pete, send me that number.

Hey, I need to speak to my...

Someone told me to give a call here for some guy named Cheese Boy.

Okay.

Cheese Boy.

Yeah, someone said to call Cheese Boy over here about the bus.

I don't know nothing about that.

Do you know Cheese Boy? Is he there?

Do you know who that would be?

This is Bay District School Transportation.

Excuse me, what?

This is Bay District School Transportation.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we're calling about the bus.

I was told to ask for Cheese Boy.

What bus it is?

Bus number 12?

No.

Oh, it was in for maintenance a few months ago, and it's completely messed up.

The filter wasn't changed on it.

So what did we come up with?

Jonathan, you said curly fries.

We had cheese head.

Cheddar head.

Cheddar head, my friend.

Salami, man.

See, Chuck Norris is checking in.

What's up, Chuck?

Well, this is Chief Smith.

I'm sorry that you've been...

This jerk never answers the phone.

I'm glad that we're trying to talk.

He never calls back.

He's like one of those bad customer service people that doesn't return voicemails like me.

I never do that.

Hey, man.

Jonathan, we tried.

We hung up on Jonathan.

It's not even on the line the whole time.

Whoops.

Hey, Jonathan, you there?

Hi.

He's talking.

Jonathan, Jonathan.

I'll pick up at the end of the night.

Sorry, Jonathan.

I hung up on Jonathan on accident.

My bad.

All right, so we're doing Stinky's Grill.

Thank you, Jonathan, for calling in, also.

Here he is.

He's calling back, of course.

Maybe not.

Hello.

Sorry about that.

My call got dropped.

Oh, that was me.

That was my fault.

Hey, man, we tried.

You didn't answer, man.

Sorry.

Oh, well.

Well, can I say, his new name is Curly Fries, because he does have curly hair.

Oh, okay.

Well, that's it.

It's probably greasy, too.

Is he a black man, if I may ask?

Yes, he's a black man.

I can tell.

He's a crazy old black man.

All right.

All right, man.

Well, hey, thanks for contributing, man.

Say hi to all your fans and listeners real quick, so we can move on.

I'd like to say hello to all my fans and listeners, and I hope y'all have a Merry Christmas.

All right, Jonathan.

You, too, have a blessed Merry Christmas.

miss we'll talk to you in a week all right man the oakman says calling a pigtail now if he's got

curly hair definitely call him pigtail that's right you know they say curly hair is the mark

of the devil the curly hair is the sign of the devil you know about 300 years ago he would have

gotten drowned by his mom no one thought twice about i would have think twice if i had a curly

haired kid i'd drown him to the devil in him he's got lucifer's hair man that's what they call

out lucifer's locks he's got a cleft foot yeah he's got six toes yeah whatever all right stinky's

grill as promised his powder is a cleft foot this is in santa maria california and is originally

confirmed in october 14th of this year so it's not that old

minutes we have left melinda what's up sister what up you tell wow you're pretty casual aren't

you. Sorry, what's that? You're pretty casual, aren't you? That's all you wanted. I mean,

the second you answer the phone, I can tell you just want to get all over it, don't you?

Sorry, I can barely hear what you're saying. What's your name again? My name is Melinda.

I forget women's names all the time. You what? I forget women's names. You know what, can

we go somewhere private? No, I'm being dead serious. I'm Jack Valente, a big man in town.

Do you have a Ford? I know you. Yes, I drive the Ford Taurus. Ford Taurus? Yes. Isn't

Isn't that awesome?

Awesome?

I wear Oakleys all the time.

I never take them off.

I take a shower with my Oakleys on.

How about a pair of Oakleys?

Can I assist you with anything that has to do with Stinky's girl?

Yes, you can.

As a matter of fact, I'm looking for a gristle sandwich with extra mayo.

You want to place an order?

Yes, ma'am.

Hey, give me one second.

All right, hurry it up.

I'm low on minutes.

We're going to run out of time.

And what did you want to get?

Gristle sandwich.

A what kind of sandwich?

Gristle, gristle.

Brussels?

Yeah.

Like brussel sprouts?

No, I said gristle.

Sorry, I cannot see you.

Okay, here's what you...

One second, I'm going to switch phones.

Okay, finally we're getting somewhere here.

Switching the phones.

Want a beer?

Just a moment here.

We'll have our gristle sandwich in hand.

Happy, fed.

Jack Masterson?

Is there a Jack Masterson in the house?

He's going to be wondering why I sound like Jack Masterson all of a sudden.

Hey, Jack Masterson, call.

Yeah, you're the one placing the order.

You're Jack, you know.

Let's play.

When we're done with this, we're going to play a Jack Masterson call when we're done with this.

You know what I heard tonight on the rotation?

Rotisserie Wallace.

I was laughing my ass off.

I haven't heard of Rotisserie Wallace in a long time.

Okay, we're going to have to kill this because I think we have like three minutes left and this is not worth it.

Bye-bye now, honey.

Take your hands out of your blouse.

There you go, sugar tits.

It's over.

Whoa, whoa.

Watch out, milkman.

Put that away.

All right, this is Jack Breaks Down.

Prank call from the past.

Okay.

All right.

I'm going to order some more minutes in the phone card while we're at this.

Thanks for holding this, Jesse. How may I help you?

Jesse, I heard.

I'm sorry?

This is Jack Rasmussen. How are you, sir?

This is who?

Jack Rasmussen, sir.

Yes, sir?

I weigh 482 pounds, and I require a bathroom with handicapped access type EE.

Like with a roll-in shower?

Huh?

With a roll-in shower?

No, type EE for a person of size.

I was in the most recent addendum to the Persons with Disabilities Act.

I'm supposed to have one room like that with a refrigerator for my insulin also.

Do you have a reservation with us tonight, sir?

Yes, and it's totally unacceptable that I don't get my large-sized bathroom and a refrigerator for my insulin.

Well, I'll get your...

Sir, I live 182,000 and have type 3 diabetes.

Yes, sir, and what's your last name?

My name is Masterson, sir, Masterson.

Are you already checked into the hotel?

Sir, I tried to check in. They can't show me the room. This is unobtrusive.

I'm sorry. I don't even have a reservation under your name, sir.

Sir, you don't understand. I'm in the room right now. I'm in the hallway. They're treating me like crap.

Where are you, sir?

My wheelchair is running out.

What hallway are you in, sir?

In the second floor, sir.

Second floor? I don't have any rooms on my second floor, sir. Are you calling the right hotel?

Yes, sir. I am. They showed me the room. It's a size EE.

It's supposed to be a size E-E-W with a refrigerator for my insulin, and it doesn't have it.

I'm a human.

Human, damn you, I'm a human.

I understand that, sir.

Where are you located?

I'm on the second floor, you twit.

Slag.

How could you do this to me?

What are you calling me, sir?

You're a slag.

Okay, well, I'm not going to let you call me these names over the telephone.

I'll be getting off this phone.

I am smarter than you, sir.

I am intelligent, and I think, and I have a feeling.

You know what my feeling is?

It's not funny, but you said a little bit.

Hey, don't call.

Sir, I'm going to be getting off the phone right now, okay?

Are you going to get off?

Have a good evening, okay?

Is this the end?

This is the end.

My only friend.

All right, that was fun, yeah.

I love you.

This is the end.

That song just reminds me of Apocalypse.

Did you see that I just sent you there in your G-Talk?

Yes, I did.

Kim Gandy.

I did.

Thank you.

That was Apocalypse Now.

Apocalypse Now was the one that was the, this is the end, my friends, right?

Was that right?

Yeah, I think so.

That's right.

That was the Jim Morrison's house.

That's really far out.

Yeah, that's the trippy movie, Apocalypse Now.

Kind of boring, but if you get into it, it's good.

The redux, the redo version of it's pretty good, too.

That's not really.

Really, it was pretty cool.

A lot of people weren't around at that point in time with the 70s

and realized, you know, what kind of a big cultural thing it was back in the 70s.

I remember sitting down every night at 6 o'clock

and all you seen was, like, people getting blown up

and, you know, and all these, like, airplanes and people in the jungle and shit.

Napalm.

And it was really old.

Yeah.

If you haven't seen Apocalypse Now.

And I still remember when Nixon

Nixon gave up the ghost man

That was like hilarious man

He was like

You know he had the two figures

And the big old

Nixon was

Nixon was all about the peace and the peace

And he ended up like being

Escalating the war even further

For a while

But I think it had to be done

You had to do that

You had to escalate in order to get out of there

And that's what's going to happen in Iraq and Afghanistan

We're going to have to escalate before we go

What do you think that George Bush catches his inspiration from?

His father served, I think, in the cabinet with Richard Nixon.

Yeah, his dad was an intelligence guy.

Right.

Richard Nixon is the one that crafted this whole scam against the American public,

removing our ability to get health care provided by the government.

This was orchestrated by Richard Nixon.

You saw Sicko, didn't you?

Thank you very much.

You saw Sticko, I suppose.

I understand.

Anyway, so real quick here.

That's a great movie, man.

I heard about that, man.

That is a good movie.

Let's talk about that.

Anyway, so what are some good Vietnam movies here real quick?

You haven't seen that movie.

I've seen it, man.

I sent it to you.

Seriously, no, we're talking about Vietnam movies, though.

What are some good Vietnam movies?

I recommend Apocalypse Now and what else?

Platoon is a good movie.

Yeah, that's a classic.

Platoon is a good Vietnam movie.

Full Metal Jacket.

I remember Hamburger Hill was good.

Wasn't there one with Michael J. Fox, too?

I think so, man.

There was a Vietnam movie.

Yeah, I'm trying to think of what it was.

Yeah, what else?

I think we're missing some big ones here.

Another good one is We Were Soldiers.

We Were Soldiers, that's right.

I own that.

I was about to say that.

Very good.

It was with Mel Gibson, based on a true story of the Eye of Dragon Valley.

Yeah.

I don't know.

There's got to be more Vietnam movies here.

Huh?

Wind Talkers?

Yeah, the Green Berets and the all-time favorite was Deliverance.

Green Berets?

That was the one that, what's his face was in?

Yeah, what's his name?

That's right.

Come good himself, man.

George Takei.

George Takei was in a Vietnam movie?

Hey, look at your G-Talk.

I see the G-Talk.

Where's the G-Talk here?

Hang on.

Yeah.

What I'm talking about.

Debra Mansfield.

Well, we haven't talked to that.

We haven't talked to Debra Mansfield in a while.

We're less than a week from Christmas.

This could be an exciting little adventure here for those of you who have been hanging around the madhouse for a while.

Two Kisses has hooked this up with an old buddy of hers, Debra Mansfield.

Are you all in the same area?

Are you trying to be anywhere?

The famous Debra Mansfield series, have you called any of them?

Yeah, right here.

Here we go.

We'll call them with the Department of Motor Vehicles.

We'll call her in a moment.

Hang on, everybody.

Debra Mansfield coming up.

Listen to this call, the first call we ever did to her when I set that up.

We need you to come in tomorrow for a driver's assessment.

We've received a few complaints on your license plate.

We pulled them, and we need you to come in to fill out a driver assessment

in order to retain driving privileges.

For my what now?

Your driving privileges are in danger of being revoked.

We need you to come in for an alternate driver's assessment tomorrow morning, 8 o'clock.

For what now? My driver's license?

Your driving privileges are going to be revoked

unless you can come in tomorrow and pass your driver's assessment.

I haven't had any problems with my driver's license.

We're actually going to be drawing blood for an alcohol and abusive substance test.

Who are you? Is this legit?

Yes, it is. I'm Jack Masterson with the Department of Motor Vehicles.

You've had three complaints within the last 72 hours.

Three complaints of what?

Of reckless driving.

No, not me. You got the wrong one.

According to this, if you don't pass this test, we're going to be drawing blood,

and you have to do the written test.

If you fail, you're going to lose your driving...

Where was I cited for reckless driving?

I'm not allowed to give that information until you come in tomorrow.

Where was I? This doesn't sound legitimate to me, so I'll just contact the state representative or somebody.

He can't help you.

I had to call at, you know, 10 minutes to 12.

You can call your lawyer, you can call your pastor, it doesn't matter.

But if you don't come in tomorrow, you better not be driving.

Where was I?

Hey, Debbie, what's going on?

What was that?

Jack Valente, how are you, sister?

Who?

Jack Valente, Jack Valente.

Who?

We did a scan on your bus.

Apparently, you took the governor out of the bus.

Who did?

You did.

You paid someone to take the governor out of your bus.

I didn't last very long.

Down the highway, the interstate.

Interstate, Maine.

Where?

We got you on camera also.

Where is my license number?

Ma'am, I can't get that out over the phone.

You know that.

You know what?

You may be a mass murderer or anybody else.

You just don't have to take me to court to do what you got to do.

What's the big deal?

At 10 minutes to 12 tonight, you're going to call me and you jackmasters

and you can't tell me what I've done.

You were down I-70 and I-0, man.

You were tracked by the cameras at the intersections.

In what kind of car?

I don't have the color of your car.

I don't have time to do that.

I drive a school bus, so was it on my job or in my car?

It was a yellow bus.

No, and you know what?

You got me wrong there because I don't use interstate on my run.

Oh, really?

No, I don't.

Well, not according to this information here.

Not on the interstate.

I'm not on interstate in my bus.

My route is in the city streets.

Let me ask you a question.

What's going on with Draclu?

Three dates lined up.

Give me a...

So...

So, I'm like, I gotta go to fucking bed by like 1245, like after midnight, right?

So I was like, you know what?

There's all these...

Put all your cards in.

So I'm like, alright.

So I try to dagger it, dude.

I got like...

Man, you win.

You got too greedy, man.

You gotta go for one.

Why'd you hate that too late?

All of a sudden it's too late.

Bullshit.

Oh, you know what I'm saying?

My dick's under time.

So, you know what I mean?

Not really, but I got to follow you.

I'm just nodding politely.

So, man, I feel bad, dude.

I mean, you had three dates lined up.

Nothing came out of it.

Well, see, the thing is, like, right, so I went out to one, rushed, and God damn it.

You know what I'm saying?

So I was, like, trying to go to the next.

It was just fucked, dude.

Could have, like, he likes you.

He just did it because you wouldn't come over.

One was, like, what he's like, but it was like.

Some nights, man.

But it was funny, though, at least.

At least you tried, man.

You gave it a shot, you know?

You didn't just stay homeless into this crap show all night.

You're just catching up to it now.

catching up to it now um you want to do some prank calls while we're at it no i want to

we got the we called this one earlier uh milkman wants you to call some numbers maybe to her tim

seriously the milton you want to talk to a militant feminist uh who a feminist who's a

militant she's like involved with getting uprising uh feminism feminists against men apparently oh

dude we're on a national organization of women apparently and her name is kim gandy right kim

Kim Gandy, she's the president of now.

Oh, my God, I can't believe we're calling her.

Okay, I've got her cell phone number here.

She lives in Silver Springs, Maryland, by the way, if that gives you any idea.

So, she's fucking big dyke?

Yeah, she's a big, yeah, she's a bull dyke.

We've seen her pictures.

I don't have them on hand, but I've seen them before.

She's pretty butchy.

Is she, like, fat or big?

She's fat, right, Milkman?

Isn't she, like, a really butchy-looking, like, shaved head kind of?

Yeah, dude, she's really bloated out looking, man.

Just your classic, nasty, old, fat, old, terrible dyke.

Loaded lesbianly, so.

Kim Gandy.

All right, yeah, I'm starting to...

That's your embrace, all right?

All right, let's...

Let's do it.

All right, we're doing it.

Let's do this and die.

Hey, we're calling her house next.

Five minutes to your car.

We're selling.

We're calling her the house now, all right?

Fucking cock block city.

All right, I sent you the info, too.

What is it?

I mean, you better not have me on the phone.

I swear to God, I'm going to jinx your whole show.

Man, you always do good.

It's cock block city tonight.

No, it's the woman thing.

Oh, my God, he's fucking...

What are you going to do?

Let's try to call her house real quick

When we get her husband on the line

Wait a husband?

No well I meant

Whatever it is

I've seen her picture before

She's got a really nasty looking woman

Oh my god

If anybody could just message

Send me a link to the picture

And I'll send it to him

Kim Gandy

Okay

Even that name

There's just Gandy

That's a fucking dyke

Kim Gandy

Alright

It's the last name that does it too

Hang on man

We'll call her home next

Hello

Gandy please

This is Robert Francesco

Um

We just want

I'm just like a

I'm really just want to learn some tricks

because I feel like I'm not doing enough.

It's the cock blockers, man, because even that guy's fucking fake, too.

Make the call.

For real, I thought you were going to talk to my boy.

Oh, I do.

We've got a nice Shiozaki who's a shoplifter, apparently.

Where's this coming from, Milkman?

Who sent you this?

This is another classic Nunu number.

A number from Nunu.

So this guy got caught shoplifting?

Is that the deal?

That's the information that I have.

Do you want to take that, Reckless?

Do you want to try something else?

Shoplifter.

Ben Cox-Steelan.

Well, it's just Badger.

I don't know what else the hell to do with him.

Ben Cox-Steelan.

You got that song?

Any business you want to call, I have a whole log of, like, going back two years of businesses.

You pick, like, a Jamaican restaurant or any kind of theme, bowling alley, whatever it is,

I can find it for you.

Lonesome Losers now in the house.

Lonesome Losers reporting it now.

Oh, good.

All right.

Lonesome Losers here, too.

Let me get this fixed.

Good deal.

Lonesome Losers here.

All right.

We're going to call the shoplifter, Rick.

Hang on, bro.

Can you pick up Milkman?

Nunu?

Whoever?

Yeah.

Yeah, Kim's assistant used to be a newsreader.

Her talent.

But she got busted for shoplifting.

$900 suit.

$900 suit she stole.

Suit to sushi.

I get it.

Hello, this is my shoe.

I'm the press secretary for now.

Uh, urgent interview request.

Oh.

Thank you.

Leave her a message.

Tell him, please record your message.

Alright, let's do it.

When you finish recording, you may hang up.

Or press 1 for more options.

Leave a callback number.

Press 5.

Oh my shit, yeah.

What's up here?

I fucking did it.

It's okay.

This is a slow night, dude.

Don't like, oh man, maybe like.

And they can all be winners.

It's the fucking holidays

Is what it is

Come on dude

We're not giving up this fucking

No we're not

No I got

I got the numbers

Don't worry

There's another number

For a now girl

I want to say

The Dayton 3 broads thing

I'm just you know

I'm just fucking

Story

Well throw out a

Throw out a word or something

Anything on your mind

Any one word

And I'll find you

Someone we can prank about it

Fucking who's cock

Fucker

In New York

We have a Charles Sandike

Let's see

Steven Sandike

Is that it?

Bob and Leslie Dykos

In Ontario

California

California, and Ontario, Canada, but I can't call Canada.

Oh, we got a Kathleen Sloan.

Here we go, in Connecticut.

There we go.

It's another feminist, feminazi, whatever it may be.

Let's try that instead.

We'll do Dyke later.

Oh, and here comes Lonesome Loser with numbers in England.

We got Graham Mary, Peter Potter, Potter.

Of course, we got Julia Bone in England.

Julia Bone, there we go.

Quinn, you got that card on you?

I'm looking for it now.

It's the same number we used last week.

Yeah, I think I have it.

You want to call England instead, man?

Oh, you know I'm down.

We're going to call Julia Bone in England, in Essex, England.

Phone card.

We're under a dollar.

That's what it is.

We're under a dollar.

So we've got to stick to local here.

Okay, we'll call this Kathleen Sloan.

She's another feminist, all right?

We have an unprepared show.

Hang on, dude.

It's all right.

The DTT doesn't believe in Christmas, so the ARABs are not selling cards.

So I have to go down and get another camel jockey and send us a card.

We've got to get a new hookup, man, on the cards.

We've got to get a new camel jockey.

DTP, after he hacks the stream and the website, then he stops our cards.

That's right.

Oh my gosh, I am getting flooded right now.

With what?

Oh my gosh, I'm getting denial of service DDoS attacks now.

And they're coming from DTP's IP.

Yeah, they're coming from Detroit.

Bring out the botnet and protect the madhouse, all you guys out there listening.

Hey Milkman, didn't I give you a spoofed IP? Why doesn't he know your IP?

Here we go. Kathleen Sloan.

I have a spoofed IP.

Oh, that's only in the PCU chat.

Yeah, we don't have it on WickedWire.

Yeah, we don't have a shell.

Sure she would.

Oh, come on, dude. Come on. I had a good one.

Oh, you had? Oh, I didn't know.

See, the thing is, it's like, go back and call that.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? It's like, audience.

Oh, the one where you talk about VD?

Yeah, the VD clip.

Y'all need to get off of WickedWire.

You're right, dude.

Here's another shot.

out we got a we got a cookies uh pokies pokio's cookies and ice cream in dallas texas i don't know

sounds good though pokio's you know i'm gonna send it to you on yahoo there you go it's there

i don't know if you're right on the computer and i'll call it now pokio what a fucking bunch of

douche exactly that's what i said when i read that i was gonna call it pokio's okay we're

talking to jimmy jimmy right big jimmy i'm gonna get a song maybe we will ted maybe we will hang

Hang on here, buddy.

Next call.

Good call coming up next.

Absolutely.

Oh, we got the Nestle Tollhouse Cafe also.

A black guy named Ruben answered.

Huh.

There we go.

To a Bruno Vega call.

How you doing, Jimmy?

Wonderful.

Tell you something, do you?

I don't know.

saying i'm not a sleazy kind of guy either okay doesn't sound all the time probably don't know

well i mean you know there's a lot of married men you know i'm saying they come to explore

anything well that you you know i'm saying before you make any sort of coming you're not engaged

okay well that's life you know so what i would say just before you get into anything serious

i would do is i would just give you a chance i mean i'm kind of well i'm not that great looking

but i got a radio for me well do you listen to the shows it's actually on the internet it's on

shoutcast look at your interest i mean maybe we can just talk you know you need to come jimmy

Well, I'm sure she's satisfied in your life.

I can tell in your voice, and when I look in your eyes, I just see it, you know.

When you're lonely there with those cookies and ice cream, you can, it's not, well, yeah, I mean, that's what you, we could do that together.

Any, um, do you have any radio experience?

Well, uh, well, I mean, I listen to your voice, you know, it turns me on.

I'm sure, you know, our listeners would appreciate that.

So, why don't you start with that?

I mean, we're going to be getting a lot of money soon.

Do you want to go to the beach with me?

Bring your girl and just shut her up if she, you ever been up to Maine?

You don't wear a, you've been on a, you know.

You remember that sub, boys?

in here i'm not sure i mean tell this kdk bastard for a few weeks now kdk kdk kdk said that for me

just do me the tame ek and a piece of paper you do it about a kdk purity of essence essence and

purity p-i-e-e-i-p something there's something there's the codes in there but every time we

reverse it we come up with the same thing over and over again kdk kdk kill death kill and then

we have purity of f and s's for a while this doesn't make any sense what well here's here's

Here's a question for you.

Did you know about the fluoridization, the fluoridation of ice cream?

Children's ice cream?

Have fluoride in your ice cream there?

Who's calling the shots over there?

If you hang up, if you hang up, I will rain on you.

The worst publicity ever in the history of this town.

You will have to close up shop tomorrow permanently until after New Year's holiday.

Now, is that the kind of business you want to lose?

Is that the kind of business you want to lose?

You need to ask yourself right now.

Do you want to be held responsible for the loss?

Make it happen.

Let's get your boss on the line.

Come on.

You just said, who's the head of operations right now?

Are you the person making the decisions right now?

Are you in charge?

If I busted in there right now and said, let me talk to the boss, who's going to step up?

You or someone else?

Man, you're really pissing me off.

You know that?

Bastard.

What's the guy's number?

Come on, please.

Hang on the phone.

What was your name?

Information.

I'm writing it down in my book.

It's a three-ring binder.

Information down.

Now, if you're lying to me about that bad publicity, right?

Dude, he's going to show.

For sure.

I'm going to call this boss, but I'm going to call with the ID.

from the store.

Listen, let's say

there's some guy

going crazy in there

you don't know what to do

and the cops won't show up.

There's some guy

named KDK in there.

There's some guy

KDK messed up

the ice cream.

Some guy named

Fragmaster

called the boss now.

He's probably calling him.

Oh, some guy's

going to call you.

No, I did

find out who the fuck

Actually, Lonesome

tried to confirm it

and no.

Just getting voicemail.

Probably phone's turned off

or he's probably

on the line or something.

Oh, well, we tried.

We tried.

I did get an

international call

Take a stab at an international prank here.

I'm probably going to end the show here pretty soon.

That's fine.

Yeah, I got to fucking...

I got to end my cock-blocking streak.

You got to do something.

You want to try one more?

You want to try this Julia Bone in Essex that we tried to call earlier?

Uh, yeah.

It's the last one for a while here.

I might not do a show next week, so we'll see.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, well, I'm going to take a break sometimes.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

It's holidays.

Yes, sir.

All right, everybody, hang on.

This is the next prank call of the night.

This is Recklood continuing on with our great streak tonight.

One moment, everybody.

Thanks, Recklood.

Thanks for hanging in there, man.

I appreciate it.

No problem.

You're the man.

Better just hang up the phone without even doing anything.

That sucks.

All right, Recklood, man.

I don't know what to say.

I apologize for not bringing the game.

You want to do one more?

Yeah, we can.

Yeah, well, I got a ton of them in England now.

Peter Potter.

Sucks, Jerry.

We'll try Peter Potter.

Pick to peck.

That is right.

I thought that sounded familiar.

Shit.

What the fuck is this address?

I can't even read this fucking address.

It's like Carisbrook Road, Cariscliff, Onsea, Essex, England, SSL.

It's too much shit.

Alright, alright.

Whatever you decide to do.

Sorry about what happened tonight with your old ladies over there.

Okay.

Make it up.

I actually didn't do anything.

Nobody does.

Yeah, nobody.

Who, bro?

Reclute, everybody, reclute!

Yeah!

Fuck that.

You know what I found out?

It's funny.

Hey, Ted, you want to call and do some pranks, man?

Now's the time, by the way.

Give us a call.

You remember, Milkman, when we had you on TalkShoe exclusively,

when you didn't have the Internet?

Yes.

Every once in a while, it would block the conference.

You remember that?

Right.

I found out what was doing it.

Watch this.

I'll tell me.

Watch this, watch this.

I didn't do it that time.

Like the dialing, the actual dialing itself,

was triggering the TalkShoe system to lock itself.

Because the audio was playing.

Yeah.

and the DTMF tones were being heard

by talk shoes

so it was controlling it

let me try it again, let me try it this way

it is now locked

oh shit

I'll reverse it now

if we like played something over top of it

it wouldn't come out clearly

yeah well I just had to make sure that I muted when I first did it

now it's locked again

there it goes

and for the longest I was wondering

why the hell is it happening

What the hell's the frickin' deal, you know what I mean?

Right, I would just be sitting there, and then I was, like, gone, man.

I couldn't even join the conference.

I was like, what the hell?

It's fuckin' nuts.

All right, let's take this caller here.

Caller, you're on the air.

Go ahead.

Ted, what's going on, caller?

I'm trying.

Hey, man.

You all right?

Should be fixed.

I got the phone in my mouth.

That's how we do it.

In the mouth.

The phone is on your mouth.

In the mouth.

On the mouth.

In the mouth.

Yes, sir.

I'm playing the demo right now.

Hello.

while i was on hello yeah the show's been kind of weak today man the calls aren't just happening i

think people are just not in a pranking mood how are you yes about one use two double time thank

you you want something particular yeah discount song sorry i want a discount percent off what's

your name my name is jack okay what's your order i want some fried rice yes sorry it's noodles

Yeah, what kind of noodles? I think it's good spaghetti, right?

Chow fun with tomato sauce.

You want a big tomato chow fun?

Chow fun with...

No.

Obviously, you don't have...

People don't listen, or...

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm busy for now, yeah?

Thank you, you're calling.

And some crazy Asians trying to breed us out as best they can.

You're calling.

And he's covered.

That's that shit.

I'm going to try the UK call again.

Yeah, try it, man. Try that.

Maybe we get a word.

I want to call Peter Potter.

I'm ending the show at midnight, about 12 minutes left.

Wednesday through Sunday from 11 a.m. to 8 p.m.

Oh, God bless it.

Please leave a message and we will return the call. Thank you.

I'm listening.

Thanks. Go back to the computer, all right, man?

I'll call it. The patient is dead.

The patient is dead. We're all dead, I think.

Dead and I, I don't know.

While I'm ahead, below.

All right, man. I'll catch you on the computer side. That side.

You know, they can't all be winners, as I've said.

We gave it our best effort.

I think we had one good call at the beginning.

The first call of the night was good, I think. That's about it. Right, Milkman?

man. You gotta have losers to have winners.

That's right. Very good, man. No, dude, we did

pretty good, man, actually, man. We had a lot

of fun, man. We had a great time, man.

You gotta remember, everybody's all bitchy

and grouchy because no one's got no

money this year. It's almost Christmas

and Santa's bringing everybody

that's left on the list a bag of switches.

Yeah. Saigon's asking, why am I

taking sleeping pills if I said

I was tired? Well, I drank a

Mountain Dew to try to wake myself up

and now I want to go to sleep,

so I took a sleeping pill to counteract it.

You're not really fuck up my system, Dennis.

No wonder I'm diabetic.

No wonder I'm going to die at age 52 or something like that, man.

Just like the rest of my family.

Anyway, Milkman, take us out of here, sir, if you could.

Wow, man, it's that time already?

Wow, that was quick, wasn't it, guys?

It was a short one.

Hey, man, I'd like to thank all our friends out there involved in this crazy thing we call the Madhouse.

Thank you for sticking around for another wonderful episode.

I'd especially like to thank our good friend, Mr. Kid Whip.

provides us here with this excellent

speak, as long as the many other services

as well, the services this man does

provide, he is a compliment

to the whole genre of

prank callers on the internet.

One and only Ted Wells. Thank you so much.

And I'd like to thank everybody else who joined

us here in the Team Speak tonight.

Chuck Bass, Brandon

Vegas, and anybody

else that I don't see on my screen right here,

thank you for joining in. We had

some calls in tonight. Hey, Jonathan,

happy Merry Christmas, and

And get a cheese log for your buddy there, Cheese Dog.

Yeah, go get some.

Everybody out there, I want to remind everybody, and good point, Tuck, also, go out and get some Hickory Farms.

You know, that's good stuff.

Get yourself a salami, some cheese, Hickory Farms.

And, you know, maybe get me some Hickory Farms for Christmas.

I really like it.

Go to the website, find out how to send it to me.

There you go.

I'm kidding.

No, I'm not asking for gifts.

I'm kidding.

Everybody.

Honey baked ham.

Spiral hand?

Oh.

Inserted against or accepted.

Give me some beef jerky.

That's right.

Turn in your madhouse money.

And that's right.

Buy a hand for Carlito.

I'm pretty crazy about seasons.

Yeah.

But I also would like to thank all our friends out there also in Chatelaine.

Wonderful friends.

Especially one of the hardest working men in Frank Gulls.

Loads and loads of...

That's right.

Thanks, man.

Maybe I'm a bit late, but never failed.

Well, y'all better remember the Lonesome Loser, the numbers hit, man,

because this is one of the most valuable men alive.

Thank you so much, and happy Merry Christmas to all of us alone from Losa.

Yeah, man.

All you other wankers, Nunu, thanks a lot for the good numbers.

We had a lot of fun with that.

The Dead, the Dead is pumping, but anyway, we're thinking about you.

King Green, Paul, Sister Paul, hello, hello.

Thank you for checking in.

Hey, as soon as I get my login straightened out,

I will answer your forum thread.

I can fix that for you, Milkman.

I've been kind of busy.

I can fix that for you.

Okay, because I need a password reset.

So, anyway.

I'll do that for you.

Yeah, we'll get together and have a small little conference here,

after hours, madhouse, boardroom conference,

and get my login set back up.

So, we'll be looking into that as well.

Hey, Mr. T.P. Clay, man.

He's always been around, and this guy's always there to pick up the ball.

Thanks a lot for joining.

in all us crazy friends and listeners over there at syndicate radio thanks a lot for joining in

and bless you so much there talk to you because the good friends over there talk on the phone

numbers dial and hopefully you'll stay in the show but we're working on that as well

hey look for some good things to come up and that house things coming up with madhouse radio

we're going to do some upgrading and we're going to have some nice things coming up for you guys

I said, don't miss out.

There's going to be a lot more fun to come around.

Especially you, our listeners.

You know what?

It's all about you.

We do this every week.

We pay our dad.

You just give us some time and share a laugh with us all here in the Madhouse because we love you.

God bless you, Jen Stewart.

Merry, merry, scary Christmas over there.

We sure miss you.

Like to see you again.

And don't forget our furthest leader.

Carlito, the leader of the madhouse militia, the Generalissimo Carlito.

Thank you so much, man.

You got my smile back on my face.

I avoided a murder tonight.

Thank you so much.

That's Carlito, man.

I had my knife out, and I had my bazooka on my other shoulder.

I was walking around here.

TTT had been hacking me all night, and I was just fit to be tied.

Thank you so much.

Carlito, back to you, my friend.

And sweet kisses, my girl.

Thanks a lot for tuning in.

We love you.

Happy Merry Christmas to everybody.

Jesus Christ.

Don't forget.

Check us out.

We usually surprise you about something.

And to all a good flight.

That's right.

Everybody, most importantly, everybody have a Merry Christmas, all right?

Monday, Tuesday.

Think about me on Monday when you know that I'm working and you're relaxing at home,

drinking your eggnog.

Oh, God.

I hate my life.

I'm so happy to have a new job.

Just drink a big, big thing of popcorn on the tree for Carlito.

Yeah, please do.

Try not to eat it.

I'll be playing Christmas mixes and songs and stuff on Frank Coddon for radio between now and Christmas.

Oh, good deal.

All right, we'll check those out.

Oh, that's awesome, Todd.

Cool.

That's a good deal.

I'll see you.

You know, all you smokers out there can follow up a Yuletide log for a fire one-up for old Carlito.

Yeah, do that.

In the gang.

Yeah, I'm going to be a little altered.

Where's your chestnuts?

Yeah.

And, yeah, everybody just...

There you go.

Where's your chestnuts?

Send pictures of your chestnuts to us.

We don't care.

Yeah, everybody...

Yeah, exactly.

Everybody be safe.

Just make sure they're not roasting.

No, don't roast them.

We don't want to see that nasty stuff, the pain stuff.

Anyway, like I said, Zolar is on tomorrow.

Yeah, that would be kind of tough there.

So we're out of here, everybody.

Again, thanks for listening.

I'll be on next week.

Hopefully a better show.

Like I said, I keep apologizing, but I just got to.

This is not the normal type of show.

Hey, man, it's that time of year, Carly.

Don't take it personally, man.

You've got to have cooperation.

Society is not like in this expensive Christmas.

So, by golly, we'll give you a free channel.

Don't forget.

Check us out.

You got it, man.

Next week and next year.

Thanks, Tuck.

Everybody else, Ted, Baz, Brandon.

Five minutes.

Thank you, Milkman.

We'll catch you all here next week.

As I said, madhouselive.com.

Revolution, Merry Christmas.

SenecaRadio.tv.

Merry Christmas.

Thank you.

That is all.

Thank you.

MadhouseRadio.com.

Psych out.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you! Fuck you fucking piece of shit!

Calls (8, 21 min of 1 h 26 min)

Transcript

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