2008-02-21 Show

I'd like to get ready to introduce the star of our show,

the young man you've all been waiting for, Mr. Soul.

So what do you say let's all get together and welcome him to the stand with a great big hand.

Good morning, everybody.

Good morning.

Did I really just say that?

Good evening, everybody.

How are you kids doing tonight?

It's Madhouse Radio.

We're on the air.

We're live.

We're live, everybody, baby.

We're here to do calls.

We're here to do talk.

We're going to talk about current events.

We're going to have a good time.

There's going to be a quiz at the end.

So be sure you have your number two pencils ready tonight.

Boy, will you walk us in tonight at any time?

I only have the ink, Stephen.

Oh, that sucks for you.

You're welcome to call us in any time after we give the go-ahead.

You can call in at the toll-free line, 888-278-8509.

That line will be open here momentarily.

Be sure to listen and call in at the appropriate time when you're given permission to.

Also, if you reach us on AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger, Madhouse Radio is the screen name.

AOL, Yahoo, Instant Messenger as well, Madhouse Radio.

And if you're using MSN Messenger for some crazy-ass reason, I don't know why, but you sure are stupid.

It's madhouselive at hotmail.com.

That's how you do that.

Nunu correcting, yes, good morning.

It is good morning in the UK.

So, you see, we have a lot of listeners out there.

We have listeners coming in from all across all corners of the world tonight.

We've got the U.K. in the house, Australia, and, of course, the United States, Canada.

A lot of listeners in Canada.

We've got a lot of listeners all over the place.

And, of course, actually right now we've got a pretty good amount of listeners.

I'm clocking in right around 49 listeners total spread across the mouth.

That's good.

98.6.

I know.

And not to mention we've got about 100 last check, 135 subscribers to the podcast.

cast so not bad at all they'll all be listening to this at a later date eventually they will be

listening to this at some point so hey thank you everybody for listening tonight you guys are

awesome send us your numbers and you know give us your ideas and your fears yeah everybody in

the future we're communicating into the future tonight exciting stuff here man and uh whatever

the weekend's almost upon us usually this song is over by the time i get into this phase i just

let's just let's just kill it tuck uh kill this music go to the next one please if you could

This milkman isn't here.

All righty.

A little funk for you.

A little jazz.

Thank you very much.

Good work, Ted.

Uh, Ted.

Not Ted.

Where's Ted, man?

Not Ted.

Missing again.

I don't know.

He was here yesterday.

Some of them are gone.

I don't know.

Maybe he's playing hockey.

It's hockey.

It's hockey season, you know.

Maybe that's what it is.

We got a ton of numbers here coming in already from the Lonesome Loser, son.

Thank you, man.

Playing hockey and I got a score.

Milkman was here.

Oh, it's cool, man.

It sucks to be him.

I got online classes.

Lonesome Loser sending in numbers for Jumpin' Catfish.

We got Crazy Tony's, Crazy Tony's Bar in W-Y.

What's that, Wyoming?

That's a place I don't want to live.

I don't want to live in Wyoming or what are those other nasty states up there?

Wyoming, North Dakota, South Dakota.

I wonder what's better.

Square State?

Yeah.

Where they lost the creativity in designing maps?

Yeah.

I think this could, this is big, let's just cut a slice right here, a big chunk, there

you go.

Would you like some ice?

I have laser destroyer on square.

Would you like some ice cream with that?

There you go.

Let's pop it on you.

Yeah, Montana, good point also, sir.

Very good point.

It's another weird state like that.

I don't know why people will live there unless you're in the military or something or you

just got a lot of land or I don't know.

You're hiding from somebody.

Probably hiding from somebody.

A ranch or something.

A ranch, right.

Something of value.

you something of value for sure anyway uh what else do we have here hang on where was i at uh

goldie the clown hey i love clowns man god i love clowns a massachusetts class probably a gay clown

a lot of a lot of homosexuals so-called homosexuals there purple fire is checking in on aim uh to take

a break from that purple fire is saying that wyoming is a nice state to go to for a short

vacation but not a good place to live there's nothing out there and next to no phone service

is no cell phone coverage in the middle of wyoming but it probably is a nice place to hike

if you're into that kind of thing i'm not i'm not a hiker look at me me hike i'll hike if you know

i could take a motorized wheelchair jump on milkman's uh scooter whatever what's he calling

a rascal scooter rascal scooter i'm funny i'm milkman he'll be here soon i'm assuming actually

you know let's just give the fucker a call why don't we that bastard of work i haven't talked

to him all day stuck in traffic on the five yeah he's always stuck in traffic in la that la traffic

He's always hitting it right about now.

Let's give him a call here on the back line.

See if we can get him on without too much interference.

I've got to get him on the right spot.

I don't know about here.

Now it's not ringing.

God, this phone sucks balls.

You hear a lot of traffic outside?

I hate living here.

Worst place to live is this fucking condo complex that I moved into.

Trying to get Milkman on the line here.

But we do have news stories.

I did want to announce yesterday,

Yesterday, Service Pack 3 for Windows XP was the Release Candidate 2 open beta for everybody.

For Service Pack 3, the reason I mention it is because not only has it been promised for a long time,

but there are actually rave reviews about it of up to 20%

Milkman! Hey, are you in traffic or are you diddling it?

Are you in traffic or are you diddling it?

In traffic, though, right?

Ah, nice. Nice. Thinking about me.

Hey, call the studio. We're on the air and you're late.

You got negative one gold star, Milkman.

Fuck.

I'm riding you up.

Call back post-haste.

Thank you.

Bye.

Save him for the...

Oh, yeah.

All right, bye.

He's got to learn to save up that energy, man.

That chi power.

He's going to lose...

He's not going to be able to produce children.

Guy's in his 50s already.

He hasn't had a kid yet.

Yeah, man.

I mean, come on.

You got to save those sperms up.

It comes out too thin, you know?

Thin sperm.

I got thin g's.

Uh, we're having bad, bad, uh, bad visuals here tonight

Bad vis- there we go

Bad visuals here tonight, what's up, man?

Phone's fuzzy again, it's making everything else down

But I fixed the phone

It's just making that weird fizz shit sound again

It's making that gay fizz bullshit sound that it makes all the time, you know?

You'll have to retire that phone, bro

It's a nice- I think it's the phone line

I think I'm getting some interference on the line, man

Phone may have seen its better days

Oh, you've been making that money, though, eh, Milkman?

Making that money, eh, Milkman?

Yes, sir

Good deal, good deal

I might be going to another job.

Hey, doing the same thing.

What's going on?

I'm kind of bad.

Term contract.

Just, you know, next job, man.

With security.

Look, man, I wanted to ask you.

I thought you'd be, I don't know if you knew about this,

but the release candidate 2 for Windows XP, Service Pack 3.

What is it now?

The new release candidate,

the version of Service Pack 3 for Windows XP was released yesterday.

Have you heard anything about it?

I heard that there's up to a 20% increase in performance.

Dude, I haven't heard anything about it,

Yeah, well, in the midst of July, they're set to stop retailing XP anymore.

That meant that Vista's not what they thought it was, and they're going to have to focus on the other operator.

What is it, Windows 7? Is that what they're calling it, the newer one?

It's going to come out in, like, two years?

Dude, I have no idea. Vista's disgusting.

Yeah, Vista is crap. I have a version of it here that I refuse to install.

Milkman, I'm staying away from it.

So, anyway, so when do you think you'll be home? Traffic report.

Traffic is very heavy tonight.

Okay, well, excuse me, it's a regular occurrence with you.

Yes, it is.

We're not very happy with you, man.

I'll make it up.

I'm kidding.

Milkman, you can sit in for the news real quick.

We're going to go through some stuff rapid fire here.

I wanted to talk about the missile, man.

What about that missile, huh?

Supposedly direct hit or did its job yesterday.

The missile.

You know, the missile that was shot up to intercept the spy satellite that was going to crash.

Oh, I didn't hear about that.

Oh, you didn't hear about it.

Okay, so there's this spy satellite that's only a year or two old,

and it malfunctioned, and it was going to crash back into the Earth,

and they suspected a good portion of it would survive.

So the United States, the government said that the reason they were destroying it

was because it had a lot of fuel in it still,

and it could potentially cause a hazardous cloud of about two football field lengths, they said.

But a lot of people are speculating it was a spy satellite,

that it might have been headed to crash like in China or something like that.

And they were afraid that they would be able to.

And at the same time, remember, China exploded, did the same with an aging weather satellite

and caused a lot of commotion last year when they exploded that aging weather satellite,

kind of proving that they can launch stuff into space.

And we kind of came back and said, yeah, well, here.

And at the same time, we are working on a missile defense shield.

Star Wars, dude.

Well, not Star Wars, because Star Wars was lasers in space.

That's Ronald Reagan.

He watched too much of that.

It was all bullshit.

He watched too much of the movie Star Wars, and he wanted a reason to kind of attach, you know, kind of explain.

He already had Alzheimer's disease by the time that came out anyway.

I know.

That old fucker was crazy.

Anyway, anyway.

So that's that news story.

Wasn't that exciting?

Yeah, man.

So, yeah, we kicked ass.

Yeah, USA won, China zero, and satellites negative one.

In your face.

One last piece of space junk.

That's wrong.

Now that's like a thousand pieces of space junk.

Anyway, speaking of China, a Chinese radio station was denounced for sexually explicit shows.

Apparently, some show was sensationalizing sex life experiences, sexual organs, and the impact of sexual enhancement drugs.

You know, that word organs just kind of like, it just sounds dirty, you know?

Organ.

Like, touch my organ, I want to see your organs.

He pulled out his organs, you know.

It sounds like church, man.

That's like a 1940s term for privates.

It sounds like church, man.

You're going in there and listening to play with your organs.

Play with your organs.

Yeah, you mash your fingers on the organs.

So, that's a stupid story.

Well, you see the little monkey walking around holding out the coin cup with the little organ grinder.

God, that's nasty.

Grinding it up, that dirty-ass monkey.

Grinding up your organs.

Is that what you want, folks?

Stay away from it.

Keep an echo and they'll do it.

Milkman, where do you stand on HD DVD and Blu-ray?

What would you want to get?

I don't give a fuck, dude.

Whatever's cheapest.

Okay, well, it's not going to be HD DVD because, of course, it's dead officially as of this week.

Toshiba dropped their support for it.

And whatever's easiest to copy and avoid DRM.

Equals Betamax, and that's it.

Just as much as you know, Blu-ray is the only one that survived.

There you go.

All right, good, good.

I don't even think it's that.

I think it's going to be more like DVD

more along those lines.

I never understood that whole thing.

That was so confusing and annoying.

It was too competing.

I know. That was so

confusing and annoying

and it made no sense. And what happened is you'd end up

going out to buy blank DVDs to burn

a movie and on accident you bought

the plus R instead of the minus R

because you didn't pay attention.

And I ended up with a whole spool of DVDs

that had nothing to do with.

It was only the old players at first.

All the new ones became multi-players.

Yeah, the old players and then also the old burners, too.

The old burners weren't all dual format.

The dual formats started coming out late 2003, early 2004 was when affordable dual burners came out for computers.

And that was a great time.

It was a great time, but there was one caveat.

There never was affordable dual media.

Yeah, that's true.

and right now you can't uh blu-ray discs it's it's it's i don't know when time you think they

will i don't know i think it's gonna the industry's gonna hold it like do whatever they need to do

to make so blu-ray burners don't exist so people can't just direct copy movies anymore

you know what i mean so what's gonna happen

hd no no no toshiba was running hd dvd they were the it was their product and they

They dropped it.

Buster dropped them.

Walmart blocked them.

All the movie studios have blocked them.

There's not going to be any more HD DVDs at all.

All the studios have dropped it.

I think Disney and Universal were the last ones to do it yesterday.

Wow.

That's my prediction so far.

So that's it.

So like I told you, it's just Blu-ray now.

So everybody would really be pissed off if I bought an HD.

And I wanted to buy an HD DVD player.

I was expecting to actually buy an Xbox 360.

and that lately now i'm thinking about getting a playstation 3 to be honest with you anyway milkman

we have to do pranks the people call for pranks they want pranks we must do the pranks it's enough

for the news that is the news milkman and the news thank you milkman that's milkman's news all

right we're gonna call goldie the clown goldie the clown it's a clown is a gay clown and rocklin

in mass has to be a gay come on name like goldie please all right nigga please all right we'll be

right back with the first prank of the night goldie the clown coming up it's actually a

lonesome loser number lonesome loser you're off to a slow start right now he's got we got a ton

of numbers here i really wanted that clown god damn it what about here's one maybe this is a

clown this one's called giggles it's got to be a clown i mean come on who else well normally

clowns are like doctors you know how doctors have like you know blah blah you know dr nargis md

Clowns usually always add that, the clown, to the end of it

It's like their title

Esquire and stuff like that

Alright, anyway

Ooh, the House of Flying Monkeys

We got a bunch of numbers here

Diddle's

Diddle's Cafe is here

We got Dirty Harry's here

Jumping Catfish

Gordon T. Hughes in Wales

Chicken Little Restaurant's coming in here from Lonesome Loser

We got tons of stuff to do

We got a request to prank too

A guy wants us to prank all of his brother

His brother's a huge Green Day fan

So we're going to be doing a Green Day-related prank call.

That's one of your favorites, Milkman.

Watch out.

Right.

All right.

All right, giggles.

Whatever this is, I don't know.

A girl answered there just now.

Giggles.

Hopefully the clown.

Hopefully giggles the heterosexual female clown.

Get some GPS, man.

You know what I'm saying?

Get yourself a GPS.

I'm going to get you a GPS for a good Friday, all right, ma'am?

This will be ringing in new Friday here, live in the mouth.

Hi, this is Terry.

Leave me a message.

At the tone.

God damn it.

That's two in a row.

Jesus.

Two in a row.

Well, two in a row, Milkman.

Not good.

Not good at all.

Continue.

Keep moving on.

Let's see what else we got here.

MSC3 Clay calls it, uh, this version is WS Hardware Wars.

That's a good name for it.

Reagan had the Star Wars, and George W. Bush has the Hardware Wars.

Okay.

Cool.

Like.

Um, Nunu has said nothing.

What else is here?

House of Flying Monkeys, I said before.

It's a novelty store.

Well, what's a novelty store?

It's like Spencer's in the mall, I suppose, where they got little novelty cars and little balls that make noise.

And they got Dr. Lego's gross tape.

Dr. Lego's gross tape is there.

I'm sure you get that.

I'll be right back with House of Flying Monkeys in just a moment.

Thank you.

Wish us luck.

Music wouldn't stop playing.

You got cards there, those grosses in it.

Rebel Ghost Deck.

Straight up, I had a back line, background story for it and everything.

thing rebels were fighting urza okay and there was this red deck and it had trolls and they were

shooting fire over into the white lands so then the trolls got defeated with trample and that's

the whole backstory right there man so the dead rebels came back as ghosts and they all had first

strike man do what you remember that card armageddon uh-huh i pull out armageddon it was

like over bitch dexter you guys recommend these days um kind of depends on what format you're

playing. If you're playing tribal thick decks,

because Morning Tide are both really tribal

heavy. Tribal thick? It's a tribal instant.

You see slivers go, and they get real big real quick.

So what's to do with white?

What's with the white decks now? Are they gone?

They're not the hotness anymore like they used to be?

No, people still use them. In fact,

some of the newer decks in Type 2 that are running

Kithkin Soldiers are running a lot of white in them.

Man, I love white.

I love white decks. I like to mix

a little red in there sometimes, you know, like a

good sauce. You get yourself

You have yourself, you know, like a marinara sauce

A little bit of it, man

And you're mixing it with a heavy cream

They called it the pink deck, man

The pink deck

I'm talking way back

I'm an old school player

From back when it first came out

In the 90s

And I stopped playing in 2001, man

And I still got tons and tons of cards, man

Do you guys allow trading there on premises?

Yeah, absolutely

Yeah, man, there was this guy

His name's Saddy

He had a store, man

And it was called Exclusive.

He said you couldn't trade on his property at all.

And he kicked me out once.

He said, don't trade.

No, you're not allowed to trade in here.

And he had all these little kids, little teenagers and little middle school age kids all the time.

And he told them, no, don't trade.

And I went there once and I said, man, all right, we're all going to leave so we can go trade.

And I had everybody meet me down two buildings down at the bowling alley.

And we traded there.

And he got all mad because I took his business.

that he banned me from the store man and i was i was his his i was his uh like one of his first

customers ever and he banned me from the store man so then i went and i reported him to um to uh

to upper does he was selling uh wax packs of nba cards before they were supposed to come out

and he couldn't sell upper deck cards anymore and then i reported i reported him to wizards

other coast too man and he couldn't sell magic cards for like six months and that hit he said

if it wasn't for pokemon he would have had to close his business is what he told my friend

because that's right when pokemon he said that because of pokemon he was able to stay in business

i almost put him out man i almost put him out that's how hardcore man i roll like that man i

roll like that i don't i roll just like that brother i will like that you you've been a

consummate professional, sir.

Thank you very much

from the bottom of my heart.

God bless you.

I'm going to let you go now.

You've been a great trooper, sir.

Go ahead and say hi

to all your fans

and listeners real quick.

Alrighty.

Say hi to all my fans

and listeners.

Say that.

Hello.

Alright then.

Have a good day.

Alright, you too.

Take care, buddy.

How you doing?

Whatever.

Fucking magic.

I used to play that magic shit

all the time, man.

That was such a waste

of money and time.

I'm never going to get

any pussy playing

Magic the Gathering, everybody.

Don't play Magic the Gathering,

all right play that shit i remember kids playing high school used to laugh at them yeah that was

me that was me syndicate we we've got no audio in fucking syndicate whatsoever let me check in

with them here real quick audio yeah sign language to uh sign them that they had no audio all right

well i maybe i should just restart the other room that twice now actually three or four times i keep

trying to get that shit to work i'm waiting on instructions from um from the syndicate people

the audio went down over there and they missed a good prank call if you want to call in uh the

toll-free line is open 888-278-8509 that's 888-278-8509 the call send call send do it man

do it dare you a double dog dare you the horny toad restaurant just came in from lonesome loser

let's try to get to some of these older numbers before they stop answering and we're stuck in

in the dark like chuck oh shit wasn't milkman on the phone what happened to him oh crap we lost

milkman he'll call back i know you're responsible i am i'm responsible for milkman right now i am

well i'm gonna hold on here for a second see if i get some answer from the syndicate people

the syndicators should i restart thank you see if we get an answer here um in the meantime i'm

gonna call diddles cafe in gross plains or not gross plains cross plains gross plains cross

Cross Plains, man.

Tuck, when's the last time you called in, you son of a bitch?

You never call that in.

We used to call in all the time.

No, I'm not calling you right now.

Not now.

Now it's too late.

Now the phone's in use, punk.

I'm waiting for Jonathan to call.

Jonathan.

I can call until Jonathan calls.

I don't know.

I'm going to have to call Jonathan in a second here.

Why?

I have to.

Cool.

You know, we did this.

We can't get Milkman back on the line.

I'll call him back in a second.

After this call, I'll have him call back in.

You talk to me about your noodle.

So, GM and Moto, they're...

It'll be nasty, man.

It'll be crass, Milkman.

Jeez.

High

sign.

Hopefully we get some audio back.

I don't know.

The high sign.

We'll get the high sign from Syndicate that the audio's working.

The high sign.

It's still freaking not working

Milkman, continue to entertain the people

While I try to fix the syndicate over here real quick

This is crazy

Well, you know, we may need a little bit of assistance here

This is bullshit

You keep eating

You keep eating ramen noodles

Where's our buddy at, man?

Who?

Where is our buddy?

Who's our buddy?

Buddies

Hey, buddies, what are you talking about?

We got our syndicate

The guy that calls and does calls with us

Dino?

Dino

It's a stick cam thing, my friend

It's not him

He can't do anything about it

Where's Eldine Noir?

Dinwa is not around

He's around

He's listening

He's busy

He's not on the air

He's not always on

Man

Go on

Milkman has the answer

To every problem

You know what I am going to do

Milkman

You're going to miss this

Milkman

You're going to miss this

Because you're not

Listening on the air now

But I'm going to play

A prank call

Here that I did

On Saturday night

You ready to hear that

I am

Alright

Cool man

Oh yeah man

Saturday night

That's right

A Saturday night prank call

By Carlita

to last Saturday night

I did at 12.30 a.m.

Can I leave the call

at the end there for two?

No, no, not quite,

but everybody listen to this.

Milkman, I'll send this

to you later.

Everybody listen to this

while I work on something.

Enjoy.

I'm sure it's good.

Come on, man.

It's me.

Of course it's good.

What are you talking about?

I need to get a name

for this character.

It's a new character here

for the Madhouse show.

Oh, no.

I love characters.

Well, this is a newer one.

I tell you, it's hilarious.

I forgot about it

until today.

Brandon's heard this already.

Here we go.

oh man my favorite part no you won't suck so bad definitely not right

sometimes this guy just doesn't understand that's a call that i did a prank call

i did a prank call did to kdk

yeah that was that was kdk on his show right after he i spoofed the number you know i did

a spoof-tale card, so

he thought that it was, like, you know, someone

locally, and he gave out the number on the air.

The cell phone, I think he didn't know that I had

a cell phone number, maybe, I don't know, but it was

a fun call, I'm sure he

appreciated it, but that, Milkman, when you hear

the character, it's something really crazy, man.

Uh-oh. It's like a, like, I would

say, what would you describe that tuck in, and

anybody else, Brandon, I guess, is in here,

would you describe it like a, pushing the voice?

Jabba the Hutt.

Jabba the Hutt. If Jabba the Hutt

was from the South, that's what it would sound like.

Yeah, it's like a step up from the old Jack Masterson kind of thing, you know.

It's funny, it's funny.

Everybody, be sure to catch that.

I'm going to play that on the break for you folks in Syndicate who missed that call.

It's more like a Black Jack Masterson that call was, I think.

Black Jack Masterson.

Yeah, Black Jack Masterson.

This is Jack Black Jack Masterson.

Black Jack Masterson.

White Jack.

Black Jack.

That's it, Black Jack.

Black Jack, yeah.

This is Black Jack.

All right, you know, we got to do some calls with our new character, Black Jack.

Yeah, I think that's what Black Jack is.

Yeah, I think it's 22.

Dumbass.

That's funny.

He doubles down on 19.

He's so fucking crazy.

Crazy asshole.

All right, the next call tonight is coming up.

We're going to call Dead Fish Restaurant in Crockett, California.

California, I'll do this call as blackjack, but we'll have to replay it so everyone can hear it,

you know, because if not, you don't hear the changing voice, but everyone, uh, stand by for

this, dead fish, hello, they're just not hitting off tonight at all, I got all these, I got big

plans and pants to match, but man, nothing's following through, son of a bitch, I won't play

that again, and I hung up on Milkman again, son of a, ah, I'm so stupid, stupid, I hung up on Milkman

Man, again.

Look, then I'll call back, I'm sure.

In the meantime, let's look for another call here that we can do.

We got the King Ping Tattooing.

This one's in Independence, Missouri.

You know, I thought I had a good deal.

I went to the local Walmart, did some shopping, and I stopped.

The Walmart here has a liquor store attached to it.

And I stopped there, and I saw a very cheap price for a 24-pack of Miller Lite cans.

I was like, wow, that's a good damn price for a 24-pack of Miller Lite cans.

Let me pick that up.

I got home on Saturday, and I chilled them and everything.

thing and then i went to grab one out saturday night and they're these eight ounce cans man

they're like like half a can half a normal can of beer they're really small they're very effeminate

i'll tell you what i like drinking out the eight ounce can because it stays colder i have a

tendency to let the let the let the can sit around for too long eight ounces is a perfect amount of

time for me to get my beer on and have it still be cold it's kind of cool to have like these small

cans they fit right in my one of my fat hand i can envelop the whole thing look at that like

It's like two shots of beer.

I can chug these for sure.

You gotta love beer, man.

Nectar of the gods.

All right, we're going to call the King Ping Tattooing here.

I got an idea from last week for a tattoo shop.

Anyway, and if you want to call them, I saw someone called in.

I was in the middle of a ramble.

I think that's the 2788509.

I thought you could join us tonight like this person here.

Answer your call right now.

Please leave your name, number, and message after the tone.

Jonathan, what's up, man?

Let's turn off that answer machine.

It picks up like after three rings, huh?

I didn't know you got an answer machine.

Well, I do. It's a new thing, but it's usually set to, like, 15 rings, and now it actually went through on the third one.

I changed it. I forgot to change it back, so that's a no-no.

I know why I kept the answering machine off here.

Anyway, how you doing, man?

Some dogs down here.

Yeah, we got a lot of rain today, too. I saw it was traveling up north into your area, so, yeah, watch out for those thunderstorms, man.

Yeah, that's why we're staying in what's nice and dry.

You know, they say when a tornado's coming, it sounds like a freight train.

That's what I listen out for, like, when I hear a tornado warning, you know.

Because, you know, a tornado watch just means the conditions might be right.

You know, a tornado watch is, you know, watch out for tornadoes.

When they say tornado warning, that means there's a tornado right now where you're at and, you know, take cover.

So I always listen for the freight train sound.

If I don't hear the freight train sound, I'm cool.

I'm like, whatever, whatever, whatever.

I used to count lightning.

Like, you know, like lightning, you count the flash, the amount of time between the flash and the thunder to see how far away it is.

I used to do that.

Yeah, I do that.

I forgot the formula.

What is it?

Every second is a mile?

Is that the deal?

It's less than that, right?

I think so.

I think every...

How I understand it, every second's a mile.

Every second's a mile.

I think sound travels faster than a mile a second, though, doesn't it?

I don't know.

Interesting.

I think so.

That's not what I was talking about.

I don't know if it's real or not.

That's just...

I've been going over here.

I finally got my bus back today.

Man, you lose your bus all the time.

You get hit by somebody, it breaks down, they don't change the oil.

What happened this time to it?

They just had to fix the air door on it, that's all.

They had to order a piece for it, and the piece finally came in.

I went to the store to get a piece, and when it came out, it was gone.

I had to look all over for it.

Crap.

Was it running good?

Everything's okay?

Because that was a brand new bus you got last year, and now it's been in the shop three times.

It's been in the shop more than three times.

Really?

That's sad, man.

It's a Bluebird bus, too, right?

Or no?

That's an international.

International.

We've asked you that before.

That's right.

You ever think about going into just regular trucking?

Probably not.

No recording.

That's a stupid answering machine.

What was it at now?

I'm sorry.

Have you ever thought about going into the trucking industry?

Probably.

I have a little bit more experience for that.

But it might be a little easy.

I don't know.

I hear it's really easy.

It's just, you know, if you don't have a wife, if you don't have kids, it's something you can do, man.

It's a lot of money.

You get to see the country.

I don't like

I get really stressed

out driving

so I couldn't do it

but it'd be kind of cool

to you know

get yourself one of those

big rigs you know

not a big rig

but you know

one of the ones

that has like a sleeper

in it and stuff like that

you could actually sleep

inside the cabin

do your own thing

you know

I guess satellite radio

I don't listen to Howard

you know

and the serious radio

all up and down the country

not having to change

the station ever man

awesomeness

Jonathan you want to do

a prank call?

sure

call England

I don't have an international

card never mind

sorry

but you can call the horny toad restaurant how about that okay okay here's the horny toad restaurant

good luck with this don't let us down because hey i haven't had any luck so well the last call was

pretty good okay the horny toad restaurant don't go anywhere jonathan right back with jonathan in

the prank call just please i'm gonna go turn the answering machine off the line over in the

background behind me sure hope they ain't laughing at me i sure hope they have the fire rope i sure

hope that's on i didn't mean to call you baby i'll call you lady i'm sure hope they have their

pants on because my friend over here Grinch he frowns upon nudity oh yeah Grinch doesn't like

naked people he doesn't like men who don't wear pants together men always oh yeah boys kiss girls

and boys uh don't show their other boys uh their their peepee is what is what I agree my father

always told me that but it was okay if um it was with him because he was my father and then one

One time he hugged me, and he was wearing jeans, and I asked him what was that,

and he said that he had a cucumber in his pants.

But I don't think it was a cucumber now that I think about it.

Now that I'm a little older and wiser.

Yeah, probably not.

Impressive, though.

Pretty impressive.

But I said, Dad, what's that?

He said, oh, it's a cucumber.

I was like, oh, okay.

And he said, you want to do it again?

I was like, yeah, let's do it again.

And two hours later, we were still hugging.

Just a long, warm embrace.

It was a beautiful thing.

You ever have like a nice long, bless you, you ever have like a nice long embrace warm hug, warm hug, you know?

Oh, yeah, that's nice.

I like that.

I miss that from my father.

We used to hug each other for, wow, we'd hug and hug and hug all night.

All night.

We used to hug all night.

Never, nothing else.

It was nothing sexual.

It was all just a man and his son hugging.

And, you know, he would stroke my head a little bit in the back.

I had long, I had a ponytail.

He would stroke it a little bit.

You know, just like, you know, there, there.

Everything's okay.

He would say, everything's okay.

And I remember a few times he told me, you know, if we were hugging in bed,

he'd say to get the hand lotion sometimes because he had to use hand lotion.

Whatever.

As long as the lights were on, I didn't mind.

Do you find anything weird about hugging for more than 15 minutes with your dad?

Do you find anything weird about hugging your father for more than 15 minutes at a time?

Yeah.

Who's this?

This is Debbie.

I'm the general manager.

Hey, Debbie, how's it going, sister?

It's going fine. What do you want?

You sound a little serious all of a sudden.

I am serious. I'm working.

You have a serious vibe to you. This is serious business, right?

Yes.

Okay, well, I don't want to upset you.

Please don't tell my mother that I called you.

You sound like you mean business.

Different woman.

What was that about?

Naughty, naughty, young man. Naughty, naughty. I'm serious.

All right, Jonathan.

Hey, the buzz went away.

All right, we got normal fun again.

Jonathan, that's great news.

And on that note, say hi to your fans and listeners real quick.

Hi to the fans and listeners, and I hope you all have a great weekend.

I hope you do too, Jonathan.

Better get that cucumber out of your pants, Jonathan.

Good night.

I just got a serious indigestion here.

I had some garlic tonight, and I mixed it with beer,

and now it's coming up.

The acid's attacking me.

Music.

Oh, no.

A tune, Milkman, a tune.

Oh, Milkman's not around.

Talk, play music, man.

We need music here.

No, I had a...

No, all right, all right.

All right, thank you.

you hang on all right milkman's back milk milkman man you just missed a great call jonathan tore

the house down with the greatest prank i've ever heard anybody like jonathan make man you missed

it stand on the line this weird conversation with this woman about my dad hugging me and

telling me that he had a cucumber in his pants yeah you missed it man try try um try to get home

how far what are we looking at 15 minutes what's your status man okay man it's like a half hour

Jesus.

Until after the show to get something to eat?

It's like 8 o'clock.

You could have gone home and drunk a few glasses of water and you would have been okay for like an hour or two.

And then you could have gone out and gotten yourself some late night food.

Got a Wendy's, gave yourself a baked potato, something like that.

You went and got that damn ramen noodle stuff again, didn't you?

It takes him like so long to make that for you, man.

How could you do that?

We're trying to have a show here.

Yeah, throw it at me at my house from over there in California all the way over to Florida.

Hey, do that.

Thanks, Milkman.

You're an Indian giver, dude.

You know that?

Pictures, my ass.

I gave you a picture.

A picture of me and your old lady.

It's somewhere.

That's private pictures.

Private time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I bet you are.

I'm just dying to see pictures of me and my fiancee naked.

I know you.

you. Okay, we're going to call this Sexy Donut. Mexican woman answer. This is in Los Angeles.

Look, man, how far away from you in the Sexy Donut, man? Go in there. It's on South San

Pedro Street. You're on Magnolia. All right, go to 4003 South San Pedro Street and report

while I do this prank call. Sexy Donut coming up, everybody. Don't go anywhere. Next prank

and call the night

on Madhouse Radio.

SyndicateRadio.tv

MadhouseLand.com

Hurry quiet

and slow in the chat room

everybody.

Come on.

Talking to me

points in the mouth.

Hey, me Reiki.

How are ya?

What's up?

As well as how many donuts

you think?

Ha ha.

What's that?

What's that about?

Are you making an innuendo?

Making an innuendo?

I hope not

because I will come down there

and give you an F rating.

Yeah, I got a briefcase.

I have glasses.

Hat that says

The City.

going across it anyway okay what you need done so i would you need to work you need to work come on

yeah no time now well my my watch it watch it respect my question about you was how many

glazed donuts you have ready now i'm in my dozen dozen dozen only that's not fair you don't hang

up on carlito i'm carlito lito hangs up on milkman single every every person you see in

los angeles is undocumented you'd stop them my citizens arrest and god damn it taking them right

Write to the border yourself.

That's a public service announcement from Carlito.

I'm such a traitor to my own people.

I see crunchy for old men.

Someone out there talking about crunchy for old men.

But I would like to see that movie.

We're talking about that at work today.

Sounds like a good movie.

Peters?

Oh, the two old guys that fight with each other?

I've tried to download those.

I can't find them anywhere.

And KDK would never send them to me.

I was like, come on, send me those.

You know, I bet you Ted has those.

but that bastard is just cool, oh man, I gotta get Ted to get me that, um, get me some Ray and Pete,

and then they had some, a third guy who would show up too after a while, yeah, it was funny,

MSG3 Clay, uh, suggested Roscoe for that new character, um, that's cool, uh, first name Roscoe,

I don't know, Roscoe Blackjack, I don't know, or Blackjack Roscoe, I like that right there,

Blackjack Roscoe, um, I had a character that I called Rex something a while ago, maybe Saigon

God remembers, because he thought it was funny.

Saigon, if you're listening, I don't know if he is,

but if you remember, I made up a

character once called Rex something.

I forgot the last name, but the first name was Rex.

Rex who? Rex Tom.

Anyway, alright, we got any more prank calls.

New news asking for UK

calls. I would like to,

but I don't have an international card.

I don't have Milkman's written down.

The new one, and maybe

Lonesome will send one in a second.

Hang tight. The word's out there. If Lonesome has one available,

send one. If not, we'll wait for Milkman to get home.

We're about to take a break here.

I'm going to do one more call here to Chubby's Mexican Food in Littleton, Colorado,

home of, what happened in Littleton?

What was that?

The Columbine Massacre?

Is that what happened over there?

God damn it.

Damn goth kids.

Damn emo goth kids.

Ruining stuff for us.

Orcs.

Here we go.

Next prank call of the night, Chubby's Mexican Food.

Just a moment.

Hang on, everybody.

There's one in the mouth.

The third part was coming.

I'm still.

Dina was in the kitchen, and I grabbed a glass,

ass and i took it and i put my ass i put it up to my ass and i farted and i put it up to her face

and she almost threw up she got really mad at me she didn't talk to me for like a like a few hours

i remember she said she says to this day it smelled it smelled like old rotten corn she said

is what it smelled like rotten corn wow that was like wow at least a year ago if not more i actually

farted into a cup and i put in her i like threw it on her face it's really wicked farts are funny

you man because like you can you can fart in a cup and it's like it's an actual like liquid in

there you can actually like dump it on somebody it's really nasty man but oh that was yeah and

i remember i i told her i was gonna drink out of it right afterwards and she she got really mad at

me he's like don't you drink out of that anyway anyway we gotta we gotta look at this okay so

we're gonna take a break here real quick um milkman i guess you're gonna have to stand in line

so uh we got a uh we got a we got a international card here for us to use from lonesome loser thank

Thank you, dude, man.

We're trying.

We're doing a good show here.

We're having fun.

Not everybody's answering, but we're doing our thing.

Chill out.

Coming up after the break, we have Weebles Bar and Grill.

We have the Red Hot Roasters.

We're going to be calling Geraint Morgan in Wales, England.

Who else?

We've got some more English numbers here.

I know we did.

Gordon Hughes in Wales also.

We've got some Welsh numbers.

Red Hot Roasters.

That sounds kind of fun.

uh and uh i never did the tattooing i don't think kingpin tattooing i definitely want to do that

and that's in missouri so you know what you know what i noticed milkman number one all the

candidates mccain uh obama who i endorse and clinton um all of them uh call missouri they

call it missouri because i think everybody missouri actually calls it missouri you know

like not missouri like i would call it normally they actually see missouri so to kind of

of communicate with them on their level.

They'll actually, when they're talking, they'll always say Missouri.

I've noticed that from all three of them.

And another thing I wanted to say here,

and this is a warning to all three of you candidates here.

Milkman, you decided, you said that you want to hold off on making a decision for you.

I am endorsing officially here in the mouth

that Carlito endorses Obama, Barack Obama, for the presidency.

What I do want to mention, I see Ted's in.

Ted, welcome. We're about to take a break.

I could sit there for a while, Ted, but thank you for making it.

I'm glad you're here.

We have stuff to talk about.

I did want to mention that I'm sick and tired of hearing a candidate speak in a debate or in an interview or a news, our scene on the news,

and the damn candidate says something to this effect.

That's just like Susie Robinson, who I met and blah, blah, blah, and she's poor and this and she lives out of her car, something like that.

They keep mentioning, they'll mention like the name, they'll drop the name of like an actual person that they say they met, whose story that, you know, touched them and why they want.

I want there to be an expose the next time Clinton or Obama or McCain mention a person's name, like a common person's name and their situation.

I would like a news outfit out there to actually follow up on that and see if that person actually exists or if they're not just making up a story.

I have a feeling that there's no way that Hillary Clinton is remembering the name of some guy or some lady that she met that gave her some sob story and bumfucked Maine or bumfucked Vermont or something like that.

You really think she's going around memorizing the full name of common Americans who told her something when she was at some kind of event somewhere?

They all do that every time.

At least once a week I hear one of those candidates say that.

campaign manager's job.

They write that stuff down for her.

They write that stuff, yeah.

But I would like to see someone follow up

and see if those, you know,

follow up on one of those names.

She probably didn't even meet the person.

That was probably like one of the persons,

one of the people in her campaign.

They just get some weird letter in the mail.

Whatever.

I want there to be some follow up on that

because I have a sneaking suspicion

that it's all fake and a ruse.

And I would pull my support of a candidate

if I were to find that out.

open notice to all of you, I may end up, well, that's

some talent right there, man, I loved hearing that, I remember, didn't she, she came in

for the, god, what was it, was it E's 1000th episode or something like that they did once,

didn't she queef, like, I remember hearing it when it was live, she queefed, like, so

many times in a row, I remember once, I was actually late to work, two times that

have been late to work for the Howard Stern show. One was for

Zolar when he was playing his

contest way back in

2000. He was

playing

the one where you have to bet whether or not

the stripper got the answer right to the question.

I was late to work because I was listening to him

play that. I didn't even know

him back then. This was a long time ago before this whole

thing started. Also, one time,

Debbie the Queefer, that's her name, right?

I think it's Debbie the Queefer.

I remember hearing her doing her thing and I was actually

late to work because I wanted to hear

her do her thing for a while.

You have the distinction of getting me in trouble,

woman. Congratulations. Anyway,

when we come back, we're going to do more prank

calls. We're going to be taking your calls. Hopefully

Milkman will be home sooner than later. I see Ted's

joining in. Tuck and Brandon Vegas are standing by

as well. And

more Madhouse. Another hour

planning on.

Yeah. Cool. Awesome.

Whatever you say. Everybody, we're right back

after this. It is 11.25pm

Eastern. That will make it 8.25

Tedco's time

We'll be right back

It's Thursday the 21st of February

We'll be right back in 5 minutes

my favorite part

definitely not right

278-8509

you know what I hope

that when you die

they put your GPS in your box

and a trap door at the bottom

so when you die you open a trap door at the bottom

you check the GPS

and you go straight down to the hell

Madhouse Radio is back

you are bigger than a woman

you are better than a woman

we will always be behind you

do not let a woman

Will always be the fun

Ever

Make you who you are

If you are

Just say

Hello

Hey people

We're back

Madhouse Radio back for

I don't know

Back for now

Hey man

What's up

Milkman dropped

He's no longer online

I think he's back now

Brandon Vegas

And Ted the Webster

All back online

Nah it's fine

We got a caller too

Madhouse Radio

You on the air

Hey it's a Gleifer

Eve the Quafer.

What's up?

I haven't met you.

You've been hanging around.

Are you starting a show around here soon?

Is that the case?

I said I had to turn the volume up because I'm deaf.

So you've been hanging around here lately.

And I was wondering, are you starting a show soon?

Is that correct?

Yeah.

Are you like jerking off or something?

I'm like, no, I'm just like, hey.

No, I'm on the phone.

Yeah, I know.

Hey, super weird.

Yeah.

Is that where you're hailing from?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, for the last two weeks, I've been saying wicked a lot for some reason.

It's a wicked.

It's a.

I never seen snow before until two weeks ago.

What? Really?

Yeah, I know. It's crazy, right?

Oh, my.

I went to Pennsylvania.

Me and my fiancée flew up there to see her family for a few days.

And I kept saying wicked all the time for some reason.

I don't know what it was.

I remember telling my soon-to-be brother-in-law,

I was like, you keep saying it.

I was like, I don't know why.

You just keep saying wicked, like wicked awesome.

I was saying...

Well, then get the floor and spread it around.

Do it for me.

That's got to be the new thing, wicked.

Everyone's going to start saying wicked awesome or wicked crazy.

You know what they say in Florida?

What do they say in Florida that's kind of odd to us?

I don't think there's anything that we have that's like that.

Honestly, here in Florida, everybody's a transplant.

At least in Orlando where I'm at.

Exactly.

Everybody is a transplant.

You know, shop at Publix.

I love Publix.

I know Publix.

Many times here we've talked about the fact they have the best fried chicken

and the best subs

and the best ice tea.

What's the other one

that Austin said?

Because it's in

Clearwater area.

Cool.

Nice beach.

Beach, Clearwater.

North then,

in that case,

Palm Harbor,

Oldsmar.

Well, Oldsmar is

and still about

Lake Ba.

That's my favorite

beach, Clearwater, man.

I go there

to go too.

To tell you a story,

I hadn't been to Florida.

Oops, got up again.

I hadn't been to Florida

for a week and a half.

We'd go at least

times a week

or whatever,

and on for

except for never.

Just crisp.

Yeah, it's like that Florida, we get these thunderstorms at that time of year,

it's every day at the same time almost.

But the funny thing is, for her whole life, my only vacation in four years,

the two times we attempt to go to the beach, we get kicked off the beach, both times.

Wow.

It never happened to her before.

I thought you were going to say she got really drunk and got kicked off the beach,

I should have made up a story like I got nude and started sucking.

Well, you were telling me she was eight months pregnant.

I was like, oh, my God, wait a minute.

What happened?

Eight months pregnant, a woman got kicked off the beach.

All right, so tell me about the queefing thing.

So you're known for your queefing abilities.

Is this the case?

Well, basically, the deal was my first appearance on Howard Stern was August 14th,

and I didn't go on as a queefer.

That wasn't my game.

Are you the one that challenged Debbie the Queefer?

her is this she challenged me i i i'm the one who allowed it if i said if i said i wasn't i'm not

feeling it no thanks there would have never i don't believe there would have been but i'm happy

no ill will towards her at all sure at first i did because i got fake myspace message horrible

things about me under the everything under my old i wanted to get all the measure measuring

i knew i had to get two out of three i knew i had nail length all it is is confused gross

Roast is not okay.

If you want to go by what Grace is in America, or pretty much anywhere, it's not considered.

I don't do it daily, my God.

Is this something you can do?

It's something I did on the Stern Show.

I did other things, too, but it's...

See, I've never actually heard a queef in person before, though I've heard what they are.

So are you literally, like, sucking air up into the...

Into the hole.

into the space

into the spaces

and then you

and then you push it out

and it makes it

yup

cause like

I'm sorry

that's okay

I'm sorry

cause I'm crazy like that

but I was

I used to hook up with this girl

and whenever we did doggy

that would always happen

doggy style

yeah

that would always happen

and that was like

when I heard it

I was like what

did she fart

and then I was like

oh that was

that was a queef

I was like wow that's interesting

so you can do that

on command basically

you can actually suck the air

up in there

yeah you know what's funny

I don't do it accidentally

that's never happened

into during you just have that wicked ability to be able to do that okay all people have a

misconception that you have to have a loose tuba okay you have to have a loose tuba to do it no

it's all about actually having good muscle control and i don't i never did exercises

you know to to hone this skill so it's like i mean a girl in grades taught me actually junior

high i imagine it's the same muscles you'd use to to start and stop peeing is that kind of how

how you would do it to be able to get it?

No.

Now, I'm not coming from my mouth.

Right.

Like, I sit down on my throat.

Right.

And not just anybody can do it.

Probably know it.

Right.

They've never tried to.

They don't know how to go about it.

Right.

She put her legs up in the air and just opened her legs until the muscles relaxed and her

porphyry hole, because that's a muscle.

And she did this in front of you?

Like, it was like, hey.

It was like, did she get naked?

All right.

Wow.

Jesus God.

God, so that's insane.

I would have so much fun with that if I was a woman.

Yeah, I've never, maybe it has, I don't recall it ever time,

but that, like, moment in time for you because you remembered it, you know,

and you were like, I put a game for it, but that's.

Once, and that was just, did not go well.

Oh, no, no, no.

Were you getting head from a girl that you knew well?

Yeah.

Or was it kind of like, that you really liked her?

I was in a relationship with her at the time, and it didn't go,

it didn't go well, though, for a few hours.

It's just like she's really pissed off.

You're in the mood.

Your ego.

She's off a little bit and been disgusted privately.

No, it was bad, though.

But played it off.

Do you do calls?

Have you ever done a call?

A queer-fooled call?

I've done prank calls with Zola.

Yeah, that's right.

Okay, I think I've heard those.

Have you ever called England?

Because I have a number here in Wales, England.

Oh, my God.

No, I've never called England.

All right, well, let's do that.

This is Maurice Craig, and he lives in Wales.

Now, what's the angle?

Angle.

See, that's the kind of thing I've got to think about here.

How do I do this?

What's the angle?

I've got to get you to queef somehow.

What does Zolar do normally?

What's his angle?

Well, Zolar, we don't want to, I don't know if we want to steal his act,

but he said that we were, I'm pulling a blank right now.

I have an idea.

Like, he'd be walking, and he did it, like, so on the fly,

like, I didn't even have time to feel guilty.

Right, right.

I didn't even have time to have fake Catholic guilt, you know what I mean?

I mean, I was just like, oh, shit, we're calling a hospital?

Yeah.

Urgent care is not the same thing.

Well, it was an urgent care.

It was urgent care.

And it was so, so fucking funny because he's like, we're down the road at the motel.

My wife had intercourse and during coitus started making these noises.

And then you hear me in the background wailing.

And my downstairs neighbor called.

I was called for my friend's radio show, and she's like, can you come in?

No sense of humor.

What a bitch.

You've got to hate an air presenter.

All right, I've got a place called Red Hot Roasters.

I'm going to assume that they –

We can hang up already so he can do a prank.

Mud, we're going to do a prank.

Yeah, we're going to do it.

Give me some time, baby.

All right, Red Hot Roasters is coming up.

This is a place in Idaho.

It's a restaurant.

Just follow my lead.

I'm just going to say that you ate something, and something's not right with you.

We'll go from there.

What I'm going to do is I'm going to something up on my cam right now

that's going to give me a privacy shade.

So right now you guys are going to see okay.

Because when I do this, I'm not going to break the rules here.

I'm going to be in this room and basically get into the best position to have the best.

So what do you find best to lay down?

down is that laying down is good for length standing up in my you have this into a science

that is impressive well the best ways for me to fart control like yeah all right all right so

here we go okay let me get my pantaloons down and ready to go all right so i'm assuming this

is a chicken place red hot roasters maybe potatoes i don't know you never know hang on

folks next prank call uh it's time for it's queef time everybody and you're in the mouth

We'll be right back in a moment.

Hello?

This is the Roasters.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, question.

I want to make sure I have the right number.

This is Rex.

My old lady and I, we got some of your product.

Ever since we came home, something is just not right with her.

What's that?

She's making god-awful noises ever since we came back from your place.

That's my wife.

I understand there's woman stuff.

How does this work?

What is it?

What?

Sir, champagne.

Hey, I'm in the swinging.

I cheated on her.

I started her.

She grabbed her.

She said that she was going to rip it off with a celery stalk, man.

You're just like, listen to this.

Watch in the corner.

Jesus Christ, woman, just queef.

I tell you what, they nag.

You hear how they go.

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

A man says, hey, I didn't even have to tell her that time.

She just did it before I even got it out of my mouth, baby.

That's my girl.

I want you to shoot him across the room.

Take care, bro.

All right.

Helen, that is something.

Thank you for my accent.

My computer is showing.

Hi, at this point, for your show.

What's going on?

Okay, here's.

Quickly, because I've got to hurry.

I've got more callers ahead.

Okay, okay, okay.

We'll hurry up.

We had too much fun.

That's our whole problem.

Okay, here's it.

I was on the phone with me going through with it,

talking to my boyfriend.

I can get online, get away into a chat room,

and type like a motherfucker.

And about it, I can maneuver my way around the net,

but then the alarm goes completely back.

Then sometimes it won't come back,

and it'll say, checking disk now,

and it's right now popping up something.

You need to redo it.

You need to reinstall XP.

Reverb Windows XP right now, let's just say.

Somebody gave me the computer.

This edition of Windows, I find out, isn't real.

So my friend's coming over on Sunday.

And hopefully, I mean, he already has a brand new Windows XP Cinterfit.

it's gonna get me in trouble calling me sugar baby and all that stuff good thing

dina's sleeping man you assholes out there gonna tell her carlito was flirting with the

girl jesus christ all right just some ladies let's go and then there's one time this guy said

this just take this take this into thing ted does your woman talk that much man ted in this house

ted ted ted your woman your woman doesn't go off like like some of those do like athena sometimes

athena sometimes she'll start talking too much and i'll tell her hey knock it off knock it off

i'll tell her if i'll tell her right me i'll the guy you gotta put the stop to that real quick

I let her go because I'm polite

I'm not much of a talker

So everyone talks too much for me

How's the cat doing by the way

Is he behaving himself

Cat yeah

Frederico

Awesome name

We got a bunch of numbers in the UK

We're going to do some pranks here folks

We're excited

Who's calling in

888-278-8509

I see Milkman's made it here

We didn't get to mention that

Milkman's in the house

Welcome Milkman

We're talking to Eve the Queefer

We got Ted here of course

Joining in at the start of the break

At the end of the break rather

Brandon Vegas and Tug are still checking in also

And all of you are here as well

Nunu wants to know Ted if you're doing a show tomorrow

And I'm not supposed to

Nope

Well I'm not supposed to take no for the answer

So apparently we have no answer here yet

We stand with bated breath

I do know

I do know that we will be on next week

At this time

I do know that Zolar will be on tomorrow night as well, I believe.

He told me yes.

10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, Zolar Vision, Zolar Party Nation.

On syndicateradio.tv.

Milkman's in the chat.

Yeah, everyone's listening.

Why bother?

Hey, guys.

We're going to do some more pranks here.

I'm excited about that.

Ted, did you hear the call that I did to KDK?

I played that during the break.

That was pretty funny.

That's my new character.

He needs a name.

so far we're thinking

Black Jack Roscoe

yeah I'm not going to

play the call for a

third time

I'll send it to you

after the show

matter of fact

I'm running out of

gas here

I'm running out of

gas here

so I'm not going to

do much more show

but we got some

more numbers to call

we got at least

four UK calls

here to do

perhaps the

Laquifa

give you some

more gas

Laquifa

yeah right

yeah she can

connect the hose

from that

yeah

wow

I'm telling you

she's like

forceful man

that thing is like

the wrath of God

coming out of her

It's like, bah, you know, P-R-A is how I would spell that

My lips was getting capped just listening, man

You know, my hobbies look really freaking great to me, right?

Your hobbies? Your hockey?

My hobbies do not bother me in the slightest

Now, you know, sometimes I feel guilty

Oh, playing a video game or, you know, messing around or whatever on the net

But at least I'm not sucking air into my crevices and blowing it back out

hey man if she's we we can't all be hockey playing wow playing guys like you man

so he says he's not engineered for that we cannot show our private to the world well she

didn't show her private she she's engineered for for the the wrath of god coming on it i i think

it's awesome i love stuff like that man milkman is just having a good old time milkman really

He really loves it, I'll tell you what.

Okay, so we have to do another...

I'm calling Maurice Craig, everybody, in England.

Just a moment.

Don't go anywhere.

More calls, more pranks, more stuff.

Speak up, milkman.

Which one now?

Shut up!

Oh, we didn't.

But it's not too late.

Call him next.

We'll call that instead right now.

Huge Green Day fan sent in by his brother.

Sucks a bitch.

They suck.

First, be Joel.

He's effeminate.

He's anti-American.

He's pro-socialist.

Yeah, he is, and he's a bisexual, too.

He's not by those up for you.

There's proof of that.

What magazine?

Stalker magazine.

Stalker?

Vogue magazine.

Hull magazine.

I never heard of Billy Joe Armstrong.

Stalker magazine.

It's like for stock racing.

It was an expose.

Because he came out on the field, but he has a relationship.

You know who the Rainbow Warrior is, right?

The Rainbow Warrior?

The Rainbow NASCAR.

He has a secret relationship with him.

What, with Jeff Gordon?

Yes.

They're tape kissing.

Pissing, holding hands, and they had a 15-minute warm hug, man.

What the fuck?

Come on.

That's not...

They're homosexual stuff, man.

They are.

He's bisexual.

He has a beard that he wears, and he goes out, and he said that he likes the cucumber.

What?

He wrote his song, and he said, I like cucumber.

Like that, all over the place, man.

Right, okay.

You go yourself...

Why isn't this in the mainstream?

It is.

It's in one of the biggest news outlets, one of the biggest corporations in the world.

No.

Go to the website and you'll find it, man.

What's the website, Dan?

Google.com.

Type in Green Day Gay, and it shows you right there.

It says Green Day is gay.

It says the top three hits.

Green Day and NASCAR Rainbow Warrior Gay, it says, number one.

Number two.

Even if he was gay, dude, I doubt he'd be fucking tape.

And it says, an interview with Billy Joe Armstrong and Stalker Stock Racing Magazine.

We are not, look, I'm reading right here, it says, we are not punk, we never claimed to be punk.

We are far from that.

We follow Limp Bizkit, it says here.

And it says here, Rolling Stone, this article where they did an actual telegraph test.

And Britney Spears rated it higher than Billy Joe Armstrong.

It says it right

He's a fucking stupid drug addict

What the hell

It's a big expose

Fuck that shit

It's all over the place

A big expose

About how

Elijah Armstrong

Is in a bisexual relationship

With Jeff

Jeff

Jeff Gordon

And he

What the fuck

Did they make a porn video

Called One Night in Gordon

Or something

How'd you know about that

I don't know

You knew about that part

I know you've been

Following the story then

Cause that's about

That's about to come out

Any day now

Wait, what the fuck?

There's a torrent out right now.

Oh.

Go to torrent reactor.

No, no, no, no, no.

Go to Google and you type Green Day gay torrent and it'll come up right in front of you.

It says, this is, it says really big.

It says, this is the Green Day torrent, gay person torrent.

And in it is the picture and Jeff Gordon and they hold hands and it has a timer in the video.

And it's 15 minutes

Over 15 minutes

And they were

Hugging the whole time

That's retarded dude

And he touched his face

Like he was stroking his face

Jeff Gordon was stroking

Dude

This is

Hard dude

Armstrong man

Billy Gay Armstrong

Gay

Gay is the gay

Billy Gay Armstrong

It says right here

He said that he

They call him in Rolling Stone

Billy Gay Armstrong

And it has an exclusive interview

With Billy Joe Armstrong

Bisexual

And changes his stance

On his band's music

Will the fans follow?

So it's right here on the Rolling Stone that's coming out.

Dude, that's in Rolling Stone.

This is new.

It's a pre-release.

It's coming out next week in Rolling Stone at the start of the month.

The new issue.

The April issue.

It has an exclusive interview.

And he said that they've never claimed to be punk, ever.

And they scored beneath Britney Spears in the test.

and then

at the same time

now the big pictures

all over the place

Jeff Gordon

hugging Billy Joe

they touch the face

Britney Spears is a

fucking lip thinker

how could they

fucking score her

hey the facts

are in the facts man

the machines

have become self-cruised

that's what it's come down to

Billy Gang Armstrong

right here

the front

it says Rolling Stone

April 2008

Billy

and small

big

a small

like medium

Armstrong

and it shows a picture

of him

and

yeah

Yeah, and it shows a picture of Jeff Gordon next to him, and they're facing each other.

It's like, yeah, it's just insane.

It's something insane.

I can't believe that you're still supporting.

They're like the worst thing ever.

He says that he wants to assassinate everybody who ever says the Pledge of Allegiance after the next election.

He said that they should do that.

He said that they should be castrated, that the people who don't like him should be castrated even.

This is the type of thing you want to support

The type of thing you're like

Hey man, whatever

You're

So let me guess

The Album American Idiot

It's the

Computized

Musical Skills Assessment

Right

Exactly what it is

I would take

Green Day over Britney any day

Fuck her

Scored a yellow

He scored a yellow too

She scored a green five

It says here

A green five?

Yeah, a green five

Yeah, okay

That's really great

The top rating is purple too

You know who got that?

Prince

It's purple rain, purple rain, purple rain, purple rain.

That's not right.

That's not how I make my living.

That's all I got.

That's all I got, right?

You know what I do all week?

Work like a nigger.

Then I get home on Thursday night and I can do this.

This is all I got.

That's what you're going to say?

That's really fucked up, dude, you know?

I don't go down to where you work and jump up and down on the bed.

You're going to have to come here and tell me that shit on my show.

I'm the king of Thursday night, god damn it.

I buried Dr. Lego.

You know who I am?

I'm Carlito.

I said the N-word

And I feel bad about it

I feel bad for saying

I work like a nigga

That's bad

Don't say stuff like that

Easy motherfucking

E

Okay

daughter come niggas ain't shit in 90 see i could say the n word it's easy he said it i'll see no

problem we're all good man me and the blacks we do that was fun if you want to call in now's the

time we're wrapping up the show here pretty soon the toll free line is open 1-888-278-8509

uh join me milkman ted brandon vegas tuck all of us my i'm carlito hi also lose your confirming

numbers away we have a lot of numbers here that we can call still in england we have yet to call

Hi.

And, yeah, that was a fun call.

Backing up Britney Spears' kokanee service.

That guy right there, man, you better have a heart.

Probably.

Kokanee, I'm sorry, is joining in.

Thank you for the articles.

We covered those at the beginning of the show.

Thank you very much for your hard work.

MSC3 Clay thought that call was good.

The Green Gate call.

Yeah, the Green Gate.

That's right.

What's his name?

how could i not think for that why didn't i go for green gay that's like the most obvious one

i could have done there jeez i'm off my i'm off my game i'm off my rocker black stone line green

day i'll tell you what here and uh what year was this let's see 97 96 95 i think it was 94

late 94 early 95 i went to a green day concert here in orlando at the citrus bowl um it was

was right after duke he had come out maybe a few months after duke he had come out so they were in

their initial stage i went to a green day concert i saw one i saw one black person there the whole

time and i remember the next day i was at the uh i was in my tv productions class and my friend was

asking me about a white guy he was asking us is hey were there any were there any black guys he

said it real quiet like he had to look around so were there any black guys there i was like i saw

one

the way I was like

I saw one

he was like a really

bright

really bright and

gumball like

OJ Simpson looking

you know OJ Simpson

he's kind of

before OJ did the

whole thing

you know he was

kind of like the

sellout

you know Uncle Tom

looking dude

the vest

of course a lot on

his face man

yeah

exactly

like Obama

and again

I am endorsing

Obama

Bill Ben have you

made a decision

are you endorsing

anybody yet

are you still

waiting for the

inevitable to

happen in the

elections

Well, actually, so far, I'm kind of leaning towards Jimmy Carter at the moment.

Jimmy Carter.

Milkman, you're ahead of the curve all the time.

I had no idea.

Jimmy Carter coming out of left field.

He didn't have two terms.

He only had one.

Reagan beat him out for a second term.

Good one, Milkman.

I'll go.

He's not coming, man.

You got Obama, you got McCain, and you got maybe Hillary.

That's about all you got.

That's going to make a serious bid.

That's it.

Pick one of those three.

See, you can't do it.

You can't do it, can you, Milkman?

You can't commit.

You jerk.

Kennedy.

Ted Kennedy should try to run again.

Ted Kennedy.

He ran in the, when did he run?

In 80, I think he did, or he might have run in 76.

And his campaign got ruined.

and he was doing really good and he was on a plane and dan rather i believe was dan rather

who was interviewing him on the plane and he asked him the first question out of his out of

dan rather's mouth i don't know if it was then rather a bro call was one of those guys i don't

know who was andy rooney not andy rooney but he asked him um why do you want to be president and

ted kennedy's answer was uh uh just like that i think he he like mumbled for like about six seconds

five or six seconds and he he's so stupid he's like uh that's like the easiest question that

they could throw at you why do you want to be president any candidate that they can throw you

there that's like their number one they practice that one all day and he just straight up just like

that's like what they sounded like so that was ted kennedy running for president in the 70s or

the 80s i don't know nobody cares no one cares about politics none of you kids you just want

want to hear me prank like a monkey machine well fine i will alan griffith in england the uk the

kingdom of united

that's dtt's favorite song

i will like to speak with mr griffith kindly please are you sure did i wake you that's good

were you do you work tomorrow or today get you out of bed early for no reason it's only midnight

night over here where i live so i really don't care i'm kind of like a prick like that you know

i didn't feel like messing with him he sounded like a nice guy i'm gonna mess with uh i don't

know why i did that i just i didn't i didn't feel it i thought it'd be funny to mess with a prick

like that i have a prick like that i wake people up i'm a bad person we're gonna call maurice craig

next also in wales these are all welsh numbers horrible horrible guy horrible anyway here comes

Who's the next prank?

Maurice Craig.

I'm sorry for the wait.

I think you are a Bengali banjo.

I don't want to leave a message.

I want to talk to somebody.

I'm watching you in bed right now, and I see you.

Oh, man.

This always happens at this time.

I end up like...

What else we got?

Ted.

We got William Eaton.

Oh, we got these.

I should play a Phil Henry bit on the Madhouse stream.

I know Saniki doesn't want to hear that, but I should play a Phil Henry.

I haven't played one of those in so long.

Always fun, Phil Henrys.

Any requests?

What can I play?

Phil Henry, man.

Steve, I really, all I have, for some reason, all I really have is Steve Bozell.

That's all I really have of Henry's stuff.

I don't know.

I'll have to look here, see what I got.

Let's see.

I'm back, Mr. Henry.

Okay.

I'm going to take a look here and see what else.

I burnt my house down trying to destroy an anthill.

We got vagina monologues.

What else we got here?

here. Retarded security. That

wasn't that good. What about the one about the cucumber?

The cucumber?

The cucumber? What was that? I don't remember that.

I mean, it's ground fruit squash.

It's ground squash.

I don't remember. It looked vaguely

sexual. Yeah.

It was ground squash. It looked sexual.

I don't remember that at all.

Hey, Hutchins Sexual Garden?

In front of my manhood.

Is it the Hutchins Sexual Garden?

It's bigger than me. A zucchini.

A zucchini. I don't remember

I don't remember that one at all.

I see Sexual Garden here.

9-11 taught us that we're supposed to watch our neighbors for the things they're doing.

We don't watch our neighbors.

I suppose if you had a...

Okay, that sounds like it.

Okay, we'll play that one after the show here on the Madhouse stream.

Let's do one more prank call and call it a night because it's getting late.

It's 1230 Eastern, just about here.

I think it's time.

Clay wants us to play the one where Bozell does something about a reward check.

a reward check stopping a bank robbery

what was that one

I think I kind of remember that one

what was that

I think it was like hero like ATM hero

something like that

yeah ATM hero

alright I got that here

alright cool

anyway one more prank call and we're going to call it a night here

oh the Korean war vet is hilarious

yeah

the old guy got into a fight

at the grocery store

because he was in the express lane

and the guy had 11 items

and so it was supposed to be 10

so he pinned him against the wall with his car

and he was a Vietnam vet

and that's why he didn't like him

he taught us how to snap your neck

yeah he taught us how to snap the neck

stupid asshole guy

alright maybe I'll throw that one also

I don't know here we go

okay anyway one more prank call

this is the last call of the night folks

should have just gave him a hug

yeah I know right just let him go

oh that reminds me of my story

here we go i don't want to give my story fuck this story last prank call tonight hear the story next

week you don't like it too bad all right you remember it i don't remember it all night miss

sam the donut man i miss that guy sold that business to someone else hello hey what's going

on sister how you doing ogden number he's calling for ogden may i ask may you please connect ogden

post haste call to the middle of the night here and i'm going to report you to the police you've

have already accepted the call this is an urgent call damn it you know who that was that sounded

like the lady with that we should play that right now just just in honor of that that's the last

call at night what's that call called pensioner pensioner here we go old pensioner woman cries

this one is going to be on the madhouse city yet to be released the the madhouse city which has

been in the works for three years here it is hey merle may i speak with merle or is this merle

Yes, you know, it's the middle of the night.

I know, but it's in the morning, too.

We're right in the halfway point.

How are you, my babe?

They all sound the same, don't they?

Not that I'm racist, but all these Brits sound the same.

Listen, if any of this, this float, this is the middle of the night.

I'm an old-age pensioner, and it's making me ill, this is.

But this is urgent, ma'am.

Please, just let me explain the situation.

What's happened?

Uh, well, it's like this.

A deetle-deetle-dop, deetle-doo, you know?

Died?

Just that one died?

No, no, no.

Not at all, no.

No, but this is Joe America.

Yes, but I don't want you ringing at this time of the night.

I'm an old age.

Hey, what are you crying for, girl?

Because you don't ring people and wake them up.

Are you scared?

Yes, I'm absolutely petrified.

I'm going to call the police.

Don't call the police.

Come on, baby.

It's okay.

I'm just trying to have a little fun.

I don't mean nothing mean, baby girl.

Don't ever ring again, Jim.

Hey, don't get so mad at me, baby.

Come on.

Oh, man.

Poor lady.

I feel bad now.

Oh, my God.

She was crying, man.

I'm going to hell

I hate my voice sometimes

The night going to hell

Milkman take us out of here

Post haste

It's been a very exciting night

I'm sure glad to have you along

I'm sure you've had as much fun as we've had

Having you along

It's part of this crazy thing we call the madhouse

Thank you Mr. Smith

Milkman

We do

Our brother

Our friend

Thank you so much.

My sister Paul

Wankershire

Happy birthday buddy

Yeah

Long time old

Wankershire

Actually Milkman

Milkman

The correct way to pronounce it

Is Wankershire

You have to get the sure

Wankershire

Let's just touch because it's Wankershire, England.

Wankershire, England in the red, black, blue dialect.

It was just Wankershire.

That's right, mate.

So do the news.

Our nice, our fearless leader of the English branch of the Moth House.

So do the news of Wankershire, England.

Thanks.

And especially you, all our friends out there, our listeners, our lovers of fun,

our lovers of the inventive

filings of the madhouse

without you we'd be nothing

cause it's all for you

we do it every week

we pay time

and tune your ear balls in

right here on 98.6 the mouth

also heard on other

syndications

.tv

syndicate radio

prankhall.info.com

which I

I think it's a toss up between

prankhall.info.com

I'm going to put a new podcast up more this weekend.

Yeah, it's a new podcast.

It's all about radio.net.info.com.

Ted, Tuck, sorry, Tuck, we really need to do something about that URL, man.

You've got to come up with something.

That's not working, man.

Prank call dotinfo.com is just not.

It's insane, man.

Yeah, I know.

You know, something happened, and I had a snack, something real fast.

Just do prankcallradio.info or something.

There's got to be something else you can do.

2008.

Yeah, it is very stunned.

Because that's like, that's almost as bad as Jonathan.

He's got lostboyswith2z.bravehost.

It's like 98.6themouth.com.

How do you get, you know, remember when we had the whole confusion, 98.6themouth.com?

It's going to change.

Oh, Milkman, you've got a lot of cutting out, a lot of pack-a-lots.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

You know what?

Without you, our fearless leader, the leader of the militia of the madhouse,

the Generalissimo himself, thank you so much.

Yeah.

That's right.

the new president of cuba that's right we didn't talk about that castro stepped down castro stepped

down every quest your new president of course yeah thank you thank you milkman yeah you know

what it you know and i forgot to mention is you know castro we we played him every night at the

end of the show since we started it at the outro it always starts out every adoration of the outro

sure has had Castro's speech, but I just want to say it's about time that we go ahead and

drop this embargo.

I made a paper on the embargo once in a class of mine like two years ago.

The embargo doesn't work.

If you want Cuba to transition into a democratic society, you allow Americans to go in there

and spend them U.S. dollars, and you allow the Cuban people to import American products,

and eventually democracy will enter in.

This is how the Berlin Wall fell.

This is how Russia, how the Soviet Union broke up

and to the Russian Federation and the former bloc states.

It's just you need to have U.S. dollars spent in Cuba

before any type of democracy takes hold in there

because all you've done since Kennedy enacted it over 40 years ago

is give Castro an excuse to blame his economic problems

due to his failed communist economic policy.

Instead, he can blame it on the United States.

Kennedy has been in Canada for this last 40 fucking years.

It's been in place since Kennedy.

Kennedy signed that.

You can't travel to Cuba.

You didn't intend for it to go on that long.

It's a failure.

And the United States openly trades with China,

which is a communist country that does way more civil rights violations.

We trade with Vietnam, which is a communist country who we went to war with

and committed horrible acts against Americans

and has committed horrible acts against his own citizens.

No different than Cuba.

Cuba would make perfect sense for us to trade with.

Anyway, I'm done with that.

Milkman, thank you.

Thank you, Lonesome Loser.

Thanks, guys.

You're right there, Ryan.

That's right.

All right.

Very good.

You guys are...

You guys are tardy.

All right.

thank you milkman thank you all right thanks tug ted tug tug uh tuck bernie vegas ted and

milkman thank you and of course lonesome loser tug big tug that's hey that's it

That's a name.

That's a name for that character, Tug.

Tug something.

First name Tug.

My name's Tug.

All right.

So anyway, we're done.

Thank you, Syndicate Radio.

Thank you, everybody who listened over there.

Dino.

Thank you to Eve the Queefer, everyone who called in tonight, Jonathan and others.

And everybody who we prank called.

Thank you for being such a good support.

Oh, God.

I'm going to whoop it off right now to her.

Tug, you just changed your name to Tug.

All right.

Way to go, Tug.

Be sure to listen to Tug on Sunday.

We'll be right back

We're done

See you next week

Next week bitch

Radio live Thursday nights at 10pm Eastern

Why don't you shut the hell up

Fuck you

Be sure to visit us online

Calls (12, 25 min of 2 h 5 min)

Transcript

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