2008-02-28 Show

Who the fuck is this?

Fucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Good evening, everybody.

That's how you sing this song right here.

Everybody, this is Madhouse Radio.

Starting late, I'm sorry.

27 minutes late.

Wow, man.

Minus one golden star for me tonight.

My bad.

Sorry.

My boy.

It is a great night to be in America, everybody.

And if you're not in America, I feel bad for you.

Because we get beer in America.

MadhouseLive.com is the website

be sure to visit us there

you can call us tonight toll free

888-278-8509

that is the toll free line for tonight

once again that is

888-278-8509

you can also reach me tonight

on AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger

Madhouse Radio is the screen name

once again AOL or Yahoo Instant Messenger

Madhouse Radio

you can also reach me on MSN Messenger

and madhouse live at hotmail.com and uh you want to send us a prank request you can use either of

those ways you can call in you can hit us up in the chat room or you can go to the website and

use the request a prank feature again the website is madhouse live.com while you're there be sure

to peruse our selection of prank calls past episodes podcasts our newsletter a bunch of

stuff you know just go all right you know if you're just listening just go to the freaking

website just once tonight okay and don't think i don't know if you don't go because i have

uh analytical software that shows me everyone who goes and who doesn't go and i keep a list

of people who don't go to my website like tuck i didn't know oh yes i didn't know we're gonna

have a good night uh tonight uh everybody uh here of course as always is our assembled gathering of

course the leader of said assembled gathering milkman the milkman we are back live and we're

yeah we're right okay good uh live and it's good to be live hey holding up your microphone over

there man nobody no it's my cock come on i gotta tie to my cock if you want to reach us uh

no no sir we'll get to that later because i got to talk about that

here we go saigon coming in with saigon gets a gold star already saigon leader on the board

Last week, we talked about there was a character I had come up with called Rex Millionaire,

and I couldn't remember his name.

But that was it, Rex Millionaire.

That's a funny name.

Rex Millionaire.

What kind of dumbass name is that?

Rex Millionaire.

I really hope...

Oh, man.

I got to find that call, just to hear myself calling, saying that I'm Rex Millionaire anyway.

What's up to Syndicate Radio, syndicateradio.tv, all our peeps over there listening.

What's up, Jigga?

Zolar, who will not be on...

Zolar will not be on tomorrow, Tuck.

Did you know? I didn't know if you were aware of that, but he will not be on, but he is there nonetheless.

Zolar, host of Zolar Vision, normally on 10 p.m. on Friday nights.

Dark Jedi, Emmy Rose, of course, checking in.

All the other people there, Saigon's in there.

Milkman's joining in.

Milkman, are you going to be on cam tonight there, man?

Are you actually turning on your camera for the first time for the people to see you?

For those of you who want to see Milkman, if you've never seen, if you've always wondered what the Milkman looks like,

You better hurry up and get your spot over at syndicateradio.tv and take a look at him

because he's about to go on cam from what I understand.

Is that true, Milkman?

Come on.

Come on now.

Tell us.

Everyone in the chat room is cool.

Lonesome Loser is checking in, of course.

That's cool.

Lonesome Loser is sending his numbers here momentarily.

I see he's in the chat room confirming away.

He's sitting there typa, typa, typa.

New News in the house.

Tuck, of course.

We're about to get to you here about the bad boys of Iowa.

Good Pranksters are on here, too.

We've got Brandon Vegas, Baz.

Clay is in the house.

Kokanee's here.

Fall's hanging out.

Awesome.

And Milkman, Zolar's saying you have to make an actual account to get your cam up.

You can't just sign in as a whatchamacallit.

What do they call it now?

As a guest.

You actually have to have your cam up.

Why do I have you people on mute?

Let's take a look at that.

I don't know.

Milkman, I'm sorry.

Milkman, you're off mute.

Of course, Tuck and Brandon Vegas are here as well.

I guess I should log out.

Email like a quickie with a password and then go back in and turn on your cam.

The people want to see you, man.

A lot of people want to see you.

Make sure you guys are syndicated.

Leave them a space because this is an important moment.

I've never seen Milkman ever in my life.

I don't know what he looks like, honestly.

We've been doing this for how long now, bro?

Three years almost?

Going on our three-year anniversary here in about four months.

Three years going on four.

I feel soon.

Yeah.

We're working on it.

We're going to be starting our fourth year here on June 28th.

Can someone send me a screenshot when you get up over here?

Yeah, we will.

Man, it's idiots.

Yeah, good.

Yeah, register yourself a nickname.

Get your email in there, register it, and get in there as soon as possible.

Everybody wants to see you.

And anybody who's listening on the podcast.

I'm on the main page, and I don't even see a place to register.

I'm sure it's here.

I don't know.

It's there.

Look for an ad account, sign in, join, sign up, something like that.

All right?

You can do it.

Come on.

You're smarter than that.

We've got a lot of numbers here to call.

I was saying, if you're listening on a podcast,

we have over 150 podcast subscribers to this show.

If you're listening on the podcast,

if you're ever around on a Thursday night,

10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, 7 p.m. Pacific,

be sure to check us out.

Go to the website, madhouselive.com.

Go to syndicateradio.tv.

Listen and watch us do our show live.

If you ever get a chance,

if you ever happen to be at home with nothing to do, do that.

It is cold here in Orlando,

Orlando and by cold I mean it's in the it went down to the 30s this morning I know a lot of you

like huh but for me that's cold but I like the cold so it's cool we got a lot of prank uh prank

call requests here and we also have Lonesome Loser sending in numbers Lonesome Loser really quickly

here has sent in Kingpin Skate Shop uh that's in Cali we have Jiggles Tavern uh Pimp Game

Entertainment Pimp Game Entertainment a black guy answered at Pimp Game Entertainment dude

once again I have no idea how Pimp Game Entertainment I'm guessing it's entertainment

team it says pimp game and word up pimp you know pimp your game uh weirdo willies jaws billiards

and cafe cafe happy some confusing stuff you're sending me lonesome but thank you though man keep

me on my toes bad boys of iowa says if it was 30 degrees in iowa they would all be swimming well

hey come to florida enjoy it you got a place here to hang out with us chalk chalk chalk what's been

going on in the news uh we still do not have a definite democratic candidate for uh for president

but it's, again, I have endorsed Obama, Barack Obama,

and he's, I think at this point it's basically you need to be high and living in a tree.

It's sad news, man.

If you think that, what?

What's the sad news, Milkman?

What's going on?

I just heard it on Tuesday night, the incredible, famous, ultimate, ultimate drummer,

Buddy Miles has passed away, guys.

Buddy Miles, he was a friend of Jimi Hendrix.

Hendrix and the Hendrix Experience, and a gypsy drummer, the famous, incredible, Buddy Miles is back.

That brings peace to my mind.

Yeah, rest in peace.

It's fantastic.

I heard about that today, you're right.

That's nice, Buddy Miles.

That's right, rest in peace.

All right, good.

What else in the news here, quickly, today announced, leaked on the internet, Drudge Report, drudgerport.com.

That's basically the first stop I ever do when I go online in the morning.

I check Gmail, and I go to Drudge Report and get the quick synopsis on what's going on in the world.

Sure, he might be a conservative, but he's got a damn good, effective news website, and he's not that bad.

Anyway, Prince Harry is, I don't know if Nunu knows about this or is interested or cares at all.

Prince Harry has been

he's in Afghanistan

and you know he's the second

oh I guess he's the third

he's the second in line after Prince

William for the you know to be king

of England and he's actually on the front lines

fighting he's responsible for

30 kills through

calling in airstrikes at this point

so he's actually into shit

as they would say in Vietnam

but apparently the fears now are the fact

that since it's been leaked that he is in Afghanistan

Afghanistan, Al-Qaeda and Taliban forces are starting to mobilize to find him as soon as possible.

And probably in an effort to either kill him or probably kidnap him for ransom.

I could see Taliban forces kidnapping him, if possible, and holding him ransom in order for the UK to pull out of Afghanistan and Iraq.

I wouldn't doubt it.

So hopefully that was not a disservice committed by the media here in this case.

But we will continue to monitor the news story here.

Be sure to stay tuned to Madhouse Radio for updates on the hour.

We will keep you informed.

MadhouseRadioNews.live

I wanted to play some audio here real quickly.

I sent this to Tuck and Milkman and Kokanee and Ted.

I see Ted's not here yet, but this is video.

Well, it's not video.

This is audio.

This is actual audio, ladies and gentlemen, of some type of call center

where some guy is trying to sell a computer to a guy.

Yeah, something.

I don't know if it was AOL.

It wasn't AOL.

I want you all to listen to this.

And this guy is really trippy.

He's trying to sell a computer, I guess, in a call center type environment.

Maybe it was Dell or something like that to a guy who called in.

And he kind of goes crazy on him.

And he's like, I could see myself doing this if I were drunk at work.

This is a very Carlito way to handle your job here.

Let's listen to this.

Everybody enjoy.

Call center worker loses mind.

I do have my long hair.

Yeah.

Any second now, it'll start.

I got long hair.

Alright, Milken. Listen.

Milken.

Quiet.

That's all.

Okay, let me confirm everything with you.

We have a painting, 4 processor, 520.

HD technology, 2.8 GHz.

Okay, DVD player

in the first bay

and a free CD burner in the second bay.

No floppy drive. You wanna have the 3.5 floppy drive?

Well, let's not do a disc.

If I wanted to put something on the disc, will it do it?

Yeah, actually, we recommend you the floppy because it's only $30, 3-0.

Okay, no, I don't want that.

Okay, are you sure? Because the future is going to cost more money.

Okay, and no speakers.

Speakers don't come with it?

No, sir. It's not in the flyer.

Okay, well, let me read it a little bit better and I'll call you.

Why? You have the flyer in front of you?

Yes.

And why you call me? That gets back for me.

You call me and call me again and again and again, it's going to be back.

Because I didn't realize that it didn't have speakers, and I don't want to have to order speakers.

Let's look somewhere else and find me another computer.

Oy, unbelievable.

Like a little girl.

Unbelievable.

Only four speakers.

Go ahead, little girl.

Little pussy girl.

Get out of here.

Hey, let me talk to your manager.

Get out of here.

Let me talk to your manager.

Little girl.

You a little girl.

Little girl.

Are you going to let me talk to your manager?

Little baby here.

Little hooker.

Nya, nya, nya, nya.

Nah.

Wasn't that fun?

So, what does he say?

I am incredible?

Did he say or I?

Oh, little girl.

Hang on, let's go back to that.

Call me, call me again, again, again.

It's going to be back.

I didn't realize that it didn't have speakers.

I don't want to have to order a flip phone.

Oh, unbelievable.

Like a little girl.

i can't believable i can't believable i can't believable like a little girl okay whatever bro

whatever hermano i can't believable that's the line of the night everybody look i want to talk

about this real quick here's the deal everybody i bought one of these heineken kegs these small

heineken kegs this thing is let's see if you're on cam watching us on cindy keg now there's a

camera right there an actual keg of heineken light it has 1.33 gallons of lager beer it says

it's nice and cold this thing is giving me nothing but head and i don't mean that way it's just foam

that comes out straight out of this thing so actually i pour i pour a beer and i have to see

i i poured this about a minute and a half ago about 90 seconds ago and it's still about half

well it's about it's going over to like two-thirds beer now two-thirds liquid and the rest is all

suds so maybe i got it on here wrong i don't know you don't even pump it though the thing is you

don't this thing doesn't even get pumped it's pressurized so you're not supposed to pump it i

bet it comes out foamy until you get about halfway down because you know when you you know when you

take the home like really bad foam so that's what's going on here now and i'm using a glass

and i'm i know how to you know i know how to you know use a keg so whatever hopefully this stays

cold it feels really cold still right now i got it next to the window it's pretty cold outside so

So hopefully this beer stays cold.

I'm going to have to do a drinking game here.

See how drunk I can get with a keg next to me.

I have my own keg.

I have taken things to the next level here.

I actually got myself my own personal keg.

And I was thinking the next time I go to a party, this only cost me $19.

The next time I go to a party, I'm just going to bring one of these kegs

and have a big gulp cup from 7-Eleven.

I'll just carry it around with me the whole night.

I think it would be kind of cool.

And I'll offer people Heineken.

Hey, you want some Heineken?

Give him a little squirt.

It actually comes out like it's like hair mousse or something.

It sounds like.

I don't know.

I don't think it's that good, but here we go.

Heineken Light's good, though.

It's a good light beer.

If you're looking for a light beer, try Heineken Light.

HeinekenLight.com.

There's no pouring instructions.

That's right.

You just sip.

You put it on the.

I can't drink whiskey, man.

It's just something about that whiskey, man.

I cannot do it.

Cannot do it.

Sick.

Let's do some prank calls.

We'll get back to some news stories maybe later, but let's take advantage of the time

now that we can.

Milkman, do you have an international card?

We've got some numbers here in England.

You know, England had an earthquake this week, if you weren't aware.

Milkman's not even here.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Brilliant.

Okay.

Anyway, so in the meantime, we're going to call Pimp Game Entertainment.

Is it a 5.7?

I think so.

All right, here we go.

Pimp Game Entertainment, where black people work.

Yes, black people do work.

And this is in Atlanta, Georgia.

Oh, God.

This is going to be fun.

Some of my best calls to African-Americans have been in the state of Georgia.

It's a nice state.

Nice state to go to.

Everybody go to Georgia.

Visit Georgia, the Peach State.

Is that what it's called?

I don't know.

We'll be right back.

The Golden Peaches State.

Once upon a time.

The little boy.

The old man's back.

We'll be right back in a moment.

The first prank call of the night.

His name was Little Sambo.

Little Sambo coming right up.

Here, here, here.

I'm not here right now.

Oh, do-do-do-do-do.

That's you.

That guy sounds like he doesn't return voicemails.

why even bother leaving one right he gets voicemails like whatever i don't care tuck is

having trouble with this connection uh tuck is listening then hopefully so okay all right so

let's try this again i'm ready for the next beer here i am empty you see right there there's a

proof right there i drank it all every last drop all right so saigon says tilt the glass at a 90

degree angle what's 90 degrees someone give me hand here what's 90 degrees that's a right angle

my brother so that's just the right angle so completely flat so flat and and and don't let

the tap touch the glass okay so here goes nothing there we go do i pour it slow or fast

there we go it's going quite a 90 degree angle yeah well it can't be quite you just want it not

to bubble up in this street yeah

well hey you know what it's a little better this time here here we go i'm getting better

There we go.

That's not too bad.

That's an improvement.

Ow, that hurt.

That's an improvement right there.

That's still fucked up, though.

Damn it.

I've got to drink more beer, so I don't care anymore.

We've got a YouTube link coming up by BlitzK on how to use a K.

I wish I could pour beer.

I'm such a homo.

This is stuff that men are supposed to be able to do.

Pour beer and, I don't know, build tree houses for their sons.

Stuff like that, you know?

Milkman, I was asking before, do you have an international car, my good sir, that we can use?

It should still be good.

Now, we'll check the numbers right here.

I'm looking at it.

Just give me the numbers because I've never saved them.

Yeah, send me the numbers, and then we'll do that.

Eep, eep.

Suggest.

Oh, you never saved them.

I'll send you some new numbers.

Okay.

You know, the problem with you having videos is that your shit is very jumpy, Milkman.

But it is good to see you, though.

We won't do this all the time.

Eep, eep.

Suggest.

And we'll try this with the next round to actually tilt the keg and that.

that saigon says get under the keg open your mouth and pour it in dude i could put this in

my mouth like a straw maybe i'll do that by the end of the night i'm just gonna straight up

no teabagging of the keg yeah yeah it's like i'm teabagging that's a gay act with the keg

guys i forgot tuck's not around i sent a tuck has heard these i don't know if the rest of you

heard but i have isolated about 30 prank calls from the last three months from the show i got

got stuff from reclude that hasn't been heard dj glowworm we got a dr lego prank call here to fetty

we got white devil by reclude anyway let me read these off and milkman if you hear any of these

that you want to hear you let me know i've got debbie mansfield a very short prank call it's

only um looks like it's only it's only 30 seconds long it's not funny she actually hung up we got

the the glory hole shelter we got it always promises okay right we got the dad calling

in the redneck saloon i haven't heard that one yet let's try that one hang on let's listen to this

this is the dead calling the redneck saloon this is how to be good i don't know how good it'll be

we'll find out i was over there like half an hour ago and people were hitting on me and i told them

i was you know i'm a shemale and they were very rude to me and i'm gonna file a complaint i'm with

I'm with my lawyer right now.

Where did you go, honey?

You didn't come here.

Yeah, I came over there.

You didn't come over here to Redneck's.

Tom, can you talk to her for a minute?

Tom, my lawyer is on the freeway with me.

Hi, how are you doing?

This is the Redneck Saloon.

I'm sorry?

This is the Redneck Saloon.

Yes, it is.

I let my slow friend out of the cage and he went down there and now you guys screwed him all up.

Well, first of all, that's not true.

I mean, she knew.

Your friend was not here.

He's not there.

My son was never here.

He was.

I watched Overdell.

They were making fun of me because I watched his shemale, and they were very rude to me.

Shemale.

Fucking shemale.

Come on.

All right, we're doing another prank call here.

That was the dad.

Good work, the dad.

That was from December 6th.

The dad from December 6th.

The next prank call tonight is coming up.

This is going to be the Jaws Billiards in Washington.

One moment for the next prank.

Thank you, folks.

Charge by the rated stuff, man.

That's not regulation, and they always got dead balls.

I only play pocket game, only.

And I, for seven an hour, I'm bringing my own balls, right?

They call me Seattle Fats.

I'm Rex Valente.

They call me Seattle Fats.

I run the circuit.

I need to warm up before the tourney tomorrow.

I got to go down to Oregon for the tourney.

I'm in this part of town.

So I'm looking to come in.

Come on over.

I need, it's got to be nice and quiet, though.

Seriously, this is serious business, and there's a reality crew that's coming with me.

That's okay with you guys.

They'll give you guys plugs.

The reality crew is two cameras and one mic.

Well, I need to get permission before.

I mean, they'll plug the place.

It's fine.

It's going to be a VH1.

They did a show with me, Seattle Fats.

Oh, is it going to be okay?

I mean, they've got to come in as one guy with a boom mic and two cameras.

Do I get a percentage of it?

I'm not making any money off of it.

I'm just doing it to pay my back taxes, garnish him the wages, basically, except for 10% of it.

I got it per diem, though.

Fuck.

I don't know.

You're going to have to talk it over with the owner, I guess.

Where's he at?

Play pool, that's fine.

Yeah, but it's just cameras.

They're not going to harass anybody.

They're good people.

They're not even Nike.

They're not going to be out there like,

Hey, look at that dude.

It's just, I need quiet.

I don't care if they bring cats here.

Fuck it.

Let's do it.

No, they can't play pool.

They can't get involved at all.

They just film.

That's all they're paid for.

That's all they do.

They're union.

You understand?

Union workers.

I know this isn't a union town, but they do union shit.

All right, so how is the jukebox there?

because we need to keep it as low as possible.

I need to concentrate

because I have the tournament tomorrow

and there's a lot at stake.

I'm going against...

We turn it down a little bit

and I like the lights up a notch,

but not too...

Have you heard of the Turk?

Has the Turk been calling you too about coming in?

You never heard of the Turk before

because that motherfucker's after me.

Only on The Godfather.

There was a character on The Godfather movie,

you know, the Turk.

Yeah, well, no, this guy here...

I've never heard of the Turk.

He wants to take my ankles.

No, he's after me.

I'm in for 30,000, man.

I mean, if I don't win this tournament,

i mean i'm screwed so seriously keep let's keep the lights up the music down that's that is the

the rule of thumb for the night lights right on up music okay well down can you save for me come

on brother lights up music down lights down i'm gonna stop yelling like that man all right that

was fun i think how's milkman constantly on me what the fuck what the jizz man the turk is after

for Seattle Fats, everybody, here in the mouth.

Oh, no, we did.

No.

We did.

The mouth.

Nunu says, Milkman looks like a serial killer.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

What the hell is that, ice cream?

Oh, hell yeah, man.

Milkman, give me one of those Frosty Bars, man.

I love those, the peach ones.

Okay, hey, everybody, the next prank call is coming right up here.

Let's see.

Hey, man, and we got push-ups, too.

Okay.

Here's a prank that I haven't heard.

Here's a cup.

This is a prank that I haven't heard since we did it.

It's called Falling Down

I think it's the one I mentioned that movie Falling Down in

Okay, I just muted Milkman since he decides to play live music in the middle of the show

Falling Down, listen to this and we're going to do a prank on him in a moment

Yes, hello, is this the curry place?

Yes

Good, I'm excited about curry

I've never specifically experienced curry quite in a true way

I was hoping you guys might be able to provide that for me

Do you think that's possible?

Well, come on, just a quick order

Come on, man, you don't understand the kind of day I had

I just want some freaking curry, man.

I never had it before.

Please.

Why are you laughing?

Yeah, yeah, I saw that movie.

You saw the movie with Kirk?

Fuck.

Fuck, man.

No one heard it at all.

Nobody heard it.

They don't hear it.

They couldn't hear it, man.

They couldn't hear it.

I want bacon burger.

Okay, whatever that was.

I can't believe that guy actually knows what the hell Falling Down with Kirk Legless is.

Like, he can't speak English, but no.

Oh, yeah, I know what Falling Down.

I've seen that one, yeah.

Okay.

Whatever, it's a small world.

Milkman, where'd you go?

See, now I can see where Milkman doesn't answer.

He gets up and he just walks around.

I think he's diabetic.

He has to use the bathroom, like, all the time.

Jesus.

Milkman, get back over here.

Hurry up, damn it.

Anyway.

aol instant messenger and yahoo messenger users you can reach me at

madhouse radio again if you're on aol or yahoo instant messenger madhouse radio is the screen

name to contact me at zev to zev is sending in a number for uh for uh oh look in puerto rico

um zev to zev always has these numbers he gets for people who are in that and like sex webcam

chats stuff like that uh l6 but yako 9 we've had that number before he's a cool dude

Dude, nice guy to prank call.

Anyway, we'll check that out in a moment.

Zev to Zev, stand by for that.

Nope, man, come back, damn it.

All right, more calls that we have to do here.

We've got an international number, so let's go ahead and call people who are near Lincolnshire.

Lincolnshire, England, where they have the earthquake, the epicenter of the earthquake.

Apparently, this is where the forces came through and made it happen.

Made the earth done shaketh beneath the source.

Peter Sheriff in Lincolnshire, England.

just a moment here for that next exciting wonderful and complete prank call just a moment

where is my damn music like i'm looking for like my normal music that i play between breaks and

stuff and they're not showing up anywhere here at all i gotta fix that all right here we go we'll

try this next prank call of the night just a moment folks we're calling england get ready for

that i want to play a slow boring song hello i was looking to speak with peter please mr sheriff

Is this Ms. Sheriff?

Hello?

Can you put Peter on the line, please, for me?

Why are you so slow?

Sheriff.

Valente, how are you, sir?

Valente, Valente.

I'm calling on behalf of the National Earthquake Association.

I wanted to ask you what your scope of damage was during the last quake.

We'd like to file a claim.

Peter, this is going to go nowhere, isn't it?

You're just going to sit there like a douchebag.

You probably got scared when you got hit by the earthquake, didn't you?

You got afraid like a woman, like a girl, like a little girl.

Unbelievable.

I've got a show to do here, man.

man. I don't have time for old people from England not wanting to talk. Speaking of which,

here's another madhouse prank call from December 20th. This one is called, what is this one

called here? Someone give me a hand. I had to put Milkman on mute. Let me take him off

of mute. Milkman, are you done with your conversation that was bleeding into the show? Are you done

with that? Whatever. Okay, this one is called the practice and the stoppers is off. This

This is exactly what this old man here in this prank call says to me at the end of it.

The practice and the stoppers is off.

I'm pretty sure you make your judgment and see that's exactly what he said and what he meant by it exactly.

This is a prank call here for you or you.

Give it to your dad.

Thank you.

Hey, Santa.

It's Santa.

Hi, Santa.

Is that you, Mark?

Yeah, how you doing?

I'm sorry for what happened.

What do you mean, what happened?

I'm sorry about what happened.

To me?

Yes.

We're going to come bust you out.

Okay.

Okay?

When can you have your stuff all packed up?

When can you pack your stuff up?

I can't hear you.

When are you going to pack your stuff?

The freezes are off.

The stoppers are off?

That's good.

Very good.

How are your teeth doing, sir?

They're doing fine.

That's good.

Well, Santa's going to come.

He's going to come bust you out.

And I want you to...

Okay, thank you.

No, but you want to come out, don't you?

I'm sorry we put you there.

Bye-bye.

You hear that beep in the background?

That eeeep.

That's the beep you only hear in hospitals and nursing homes, man.

Anyway, good.

That was fun.

Another prank call there.

Hey, that was the cam at the old folks' home.

I wanted to mention, I got to see, I just saw Gangrene here for the first time

on CineKit just a little bit ago.

That was kind of cool.

First time I ever see Gangrene in person, in video, whatever you want to call it.

Gangrene, the green.

Yeah, cool.

Cool.

Gangrene says he's on a new 24-inch iMac.

All the Madhouse friends are coming out live tonight.

Yeah.

Gangrene's on a 24-inch iMac.

Wow, he bought an iMac.

Seriously, it's got a 24-inch screen.

That's something.

Pretty big screen, man.

Right, right, right.

Cellular Stud says,

That's a lot of Macs.

Cellular Stud says,

What up, ya penis?

Hey, penis.

I sent him a picture of a penis,

and he said back to me,

Why you point at silk like you gay?

Yeah, good.

How you money make?

Thanks, Cellular Stud, and thank you for listening to Madhouse Radio.

Oakman, please stop playing the guitar, unless I ask you to play it, please.

Oakman, please, stop playing music now.

Yeah.

Thank you.

No music, thank you.

10-4.

Thank you, thank you.

I've got a thong I'm playing right now.

You've got a thong you're putting on right now?

Good.

Good, man.

This is from Shaft, the theme from Shaft.

Okay, play the theme from Shaft.

That I would like to hear.

As KDK would say, this is beer number four.

Why don't you turn it down?

I have to turn it back up again.

I just turned it down.

Okay, anyway, like KDK would say, I'm on beer number three.

What happened?

KDK's always on beer number three.

I'm drinking beer number three.

I'm on beer number three.

Beer number three.

I started out on beer number three.

Oh, hey, everybody, I just want to mention, if you do want to call in, you can, you know,

if you want to hang out with us.

Again, the toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

That's where you can reach us here tonight.

Where's the crew, man?

Brandon Vegas is gone

Tuck is gone

Ted's nowhere to be seen

Baz and Kokanee are gone

No Kokanee nothing

Not even Gangrene's in here man

This is sad

Get in here Gangrene we need someone to pick on

This is wrong man

How are we supposed to have fun without just the milkman

Gangrene may not have enough bandwidth

To be in both rooms

You don't have enough bandwidth

I'm about to ask you to get out of syndicate because that video is killing your bandwidth.

You're all choppy.

Choppy bastard.

I really was.

What's going on?

Is my audio jumping?

Clay says he's here in the chat room.

Does that count?

Is my audio jumping?

Yes, it is, Milkman.

You know what?

Kill your video, dude.

It's good seeing you here, but it's outlived its usefulness.

All right.

Well, anyway, it was nice joining and taking partaking with friends here.

Yeah.

I'm out of here.

You missed it.

If you didn't see me now...

You lost it.

Yeah, okay, good.

Shut up and turn it off.

All right, so...

Okay, all done.

We're going to...

And now it's coming in front.

We're calling Wolfman Towing and Transport.

This one is in Glendale, California.

Wolfman.

Wolfman Jack.

Towing and Transport.

That's a good man right there, Wolfman Jack.

Anyway, back in a moment.

I'll make mincemeat out of that.

Tolling?

What's your dispatch turnaround like, man?

What's your dispatch time like?

I asked you that already, remember?

Because I called you, you're going to be here in, what, 10 minutes?

I'm asking, what's the deal?

I need action.

You hear that?

You hear this?

What that is?

That's me snapping my fingers.

That's how fast I want it, like this.

Make it happen.

Please answer.

Call him back.

Speed, I was talking.

Disconnected or something.

I mean, you got two.

Serious business.

I got my wife in the truck.

Fuck, I need to get it taken out, man.

Come on.

The truck.

The side of the road.

And it can't move.

So you need to bring your towing machine and tow it out.

Tell me the address.

Can I talk to the overseer, please?

Overseer.

Who's the head immigrant there?

I want to talk to the head immigrant, or preferably the wolfman.

Anthony?

So who?

Okay, look, start giving me the runaround, man.

I want to talk to Mr. Wolfman.

Because I've been trying to get through to you to get you to understand that I need to get a truck machine towed out of the stuckness.

I need.

What do you need?

I don't understand what you're saying.

Clicka.

What's Clicka?

What's that?

What the hell's a Clicka?

What?

Sir.

Are you in a cell phone inside a building?

Can you move outside a little bit, please?

I can't.

Come on, man.

You have to help me out.

You're going to be the good Samaritan, man.

You know what's going to happen if I report you to the union?

Just go outside, please.

Just do me the favor.

my one one two three four two eighty second thick it's southwest don't give me that shit come on

man you're supposed to come out if i call you it's a law i'll have your license pulled if you do not

come here sir come here and you get my truck out of the muck listen you save me or the credit what

cd am i located i don't have the i'm in glendale one two three south 60th street it says right here

here south man south and glendale got it right here in front of me please you know i got one of

those gps things you know the one i'm talking about okay do you want no i have to put a button

and it tells you where you are right here okay here we go it's what it says let me see let me

tell it it'll be something serious you know how to get here at least how does it take you to get

one hour to get over here call one please enter the 10 digit phone number you that's the calling

Call him back in a second.

That guy's a bundle of fun, isn't he?

Milkman, play me a funky tune on the guitar machine, man.

Play me some, we already did a Stairway to Heaven once.

What can you play over there?

What's kind of fun that I know and like?

All right, everybody, the next prank call of the night is coming up in just a moment.

Madhouse Radio.

Coming up next, Arby's in Bellingham, Washington.

Now you're listening to Milkman and the Madhouse Radio Band.

Just a moment for the next prank of the night.

Thank you for that, Milkman.

You made my night.

Appreciate it.

That's enough.

Turn that down.

Arby's.

What's going on, sister?

Good, sister.

I had a few questions about calorie contests, but most importantly, I had a question about

the roast beef.

What's the freshest roast beef?

I mean, does it just come made to order, or do you just make a pound at a time?

Pestles are regulars for $5.

Hey, guy.

I didn't ask what you had.

I asked how fresh it is, how often it comes off the grill, off the line, you know?

Oh, they're on the heat lamp.

Oh, really?

You pull them out of the fridge and you just put them under the heat lamp?

Explain to me the process.

They go in the oven for about two hours, and then they go to a thermo, and then they go on the heat lamp.

Let me tell you something, though.

Some people like that Arby's sauce, but I tell you what, I love that horsey sauce.

That horsey sauce is something else.

Tell me, what do you mean just talk like men?

You're a manager.

What's in that damn horsey sauce that makes it taste so good?

And why call it a horsey sauce?

Because it gives you connotations, you know?

You can think, what's this, you know, it comes out white, and it's called horsey sauce, you know?

Yeah.

Here I am thinking I'm spreading horse spunk on my roast beef.

But I like to dip my fries in it.

Pretty good stuff.

Horsey sauce is good.

What do you mix that with?

Do we mix it?

Yeah.

Stuff, man, really.

It makes my night when I go in there and I say, hey, can I have some horsey sauce?

And your lady's always there, have a little Carlitos sauce, you know?

Yeah.

What's your name?

George.

How's the George sauce?

How's what?

The Georgie sauce, huh?

What sauce?

Georgie sauce.

It's pretty good.

I'm more interested in the Georgie sauce tonight.

Yeah.

Salty?

Would you be interested in eating pineapples so it makes your semen taste sweeter for me?

Yeah, if you eat pineapple, it'll make your semen sweeter, and I like to eat it.

Sneaker, sneaker?

Yeah.

Tell you what, if you eat pineapple and it makes your semen sweeter so it tastes better for me,

I'll buy you a pair of sneakers.

What else did you get into?

What did you get into?

The top or the bottom?

Then what are you asking me for, man?

You sound interested.

Hey, wait a minute here.

Will you have a girlfriend?

What would you think if you were coming on to me like that?

You were thinking about me sucking your cock, weren't you?

you, no, you said, oh, what else do you do, you're like, you're looking for more, you're

like, yeah, what else you gonna do, what do you want me to do, you want me to hold your

balls while I do it or something, you little freak, you dirty little monkey, you, yeah,

no, you know, Georgie, I'm telling you, I'm ashamed, I'm ashamed, just admit it, you were

thinking about it until I, you know, I brought you in on the prank, you were thinking about

doing the gay, you were thinking about doing the gay, I have my friend, Katie K, why don't

you talk to him, I'm gonna give him your number, he'll call you on Saturday, okay, I think

Thank you, too.

I think you're going to be busy.

Second guy's cocks.

That's okay.

Hey, whatever, man.

He's cool like that.

He'll call you late.

About this time on Saturday, all right?

All right, good.

That's good.

So we proved it again that Arby's is full of homosexual managers.

Shit.

That guy wanted it, man.

You heard him.

He was like, oh, yeah.

Would you like some horseradish on your roast beef?

He was like, oh, yeah.

Yeah, I think horsey sauce, all that is.

Sure.

He was really thinking about it.

I think horsey sauce is just mayonnaise and horseradish.

I think it doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

It's not really mayonnaise.

You have to ask the other homos that work there, but it's not really mayonnaise.

It's a white sauce, though.

It comes in packets, whatever.

It's white sauce.

I think they probably add a little bit of garlic powder to it, too.

Hey, can you play that song for me in honor of the moment on the next song request?

I want to hear the Ride the White Holes.

You want to hear that?

Okay, for the next prank call, we will.

Ride the...

Yeah, for the next time you play music, man.

And all of you white sauce fans out there, you can hear one of the old classics from the Madhouse Archives on 98.6 The Mail.

Don't ride the white horse.

I don't know.

That's not my thing anyway.

So, yeah, gangrene, man.

It was cool seeing you for the first time on camera.

I see Baz is joining us here.

Welcome, Baz.

Welcome, gangrene.

Tuck is back, of course, as we said before.

If you want.

Yeah, yeah.

We got the crew.

The crew is forced and strong.

If you want to reach us again, the toll-free line is open.

It is 1-888-278-8509.

Again, toll free, 1-888-888-278-8509.

Did I just fuck that up?

It's 1-888-278-8509.

Call us.

Talk to us.

Have fun.

That's right.

Pressure.

8-8-278-8-9-er.

Give us a call, why don't you?

9-er.

Okay, we're calling a Chinese restaurant.

This one is in Peninsula, California.

the forehand. Peninsula means

a landmass

that's shaped like a penis.

We're going to call it

Foo-Yu-Won-Lo.

It's a peninsula.

It's surrounded by water on three

sides.

I live on the biggest

peninsula in the

country, which is Florida, man.

Suck it. Anyway, Foo-Yu-Won-Lo.

You don't use peninsula. I saw that on the

camera earlier.

You got one of them metalized like Robocop.

And then she goes, it says Heineken stamps on the side.

I don't know what that's all about.

Okay, homo.

Hey, hey, milkman.

Hey, milkman.

Hi.

Hey, hey.

I should have played this for that last prank call.

Yeah, man.

I should have played this.

I missed my good chance to use that drop finally.

Damn it.

Anyway, go right back.

The white sauce.

Don't put the horseradish sauce on your burger.

The white sauce.

You have white sauce?

What, the white sauce?

Yeah, do you have white sauce?

For what?

To wax my car.

I want white sauce on my rice.

Do you have it?

Bitch.

You old crow.

You old...

To place a...

One.

You old bitch.

To listen to...

Please.

For that, I give out the number now.

Why'd you hang up?

Excuse me?

I'm sorry.

You hung up and I'm sorry.

Don't hang up again, please.

I'm hungry.

How can I help you?

Food One Low.

Yeah, I want to make an order.

Duh.

What would you like?

White sauce.

Poo platter.

You got that?

It's Johnny Frato.

Phone number?

Is that really necessary?

One zero.

Zero three.

Poo-poo platter?

Well, the white sauce, too.

White sauce.

I don't know what you mean.

Do you have a name for the dish?

It's a sauce, and it's white.

We don't have that, I'm sorry.

Yes, you do.

No, we don't.

Put Mr. Lowe on the line.

There's no Mr. Lowe.

Put Mr. Yuan.

Oh, you must dial the wrong number.

No, this is Fu Wan Lowe.

Hey?

If you hang up on me, I'm with the TV, and I'm doing a report.

Okay, do the report.

Thank you.

Hey, you're on the...

One more time.

I'm making the TV show right now.

I'm Jack Valente with the Newstoppers.

Okay.

With the Problem Solvers.

Oh, okay.

And it's Sweeps Week, lady.

You're in for the ass-raping of all Chinese restaurants in town.

I hope you're ready to go out of business.

Okay, thanks.

You remember the fat man that came down,

and you guys made fun of him and told him to go home

because he was there for four hours?

That's me.

We don't know what you're talking about.

I was in there, and you said I was there for four hours, and I was too fat, and I had to eat vegetables.

Oh, we don't know what you're talking about.

Well, guess what happened?

I got a job with the TV.

She doesn't know what I'm talking about, liar.

To place a call, one, to listen to your report.

Neither do I, but that's okay.

Neither do I.

Neither does Tuck.

All right, sorry, Tuck.

Nobody does.

I don't know what I'm talking about.

Whatever, we're still having fun.

We don't have to know what anything is around here to have fun, don't we, guys?

Hey Milkman, can you shut up?

Who's this?

Ted!

I was listening to that today.

I need to edit that still.

Zev to Zev was saying I should have used the cream of some new guy.

No, I don't have long at all.

All meals come with massage and a happy ending, says Saigon.

That's always fun.

Interesting.

Ted, how you been, man?

You've been really reclusive lately.

Where do you hang out at now?

What is the deal?

Why do I hear?

Wait a minute.

Because you're on the computer.

What are you saying?

What do you say?

All right, seriously.

So you've been busy with school or something?

Yeah, school and work.

I'm online at night.

I just hang out in the Ventrilo or whatever.

Nobody ever talks to me.

People just idle and sit there, wait for someone else to talk.

It's like, come on, man.

Be a trooper.

Talk.

So at least Foss and Zagad, that they sit in the Ventrilo, play some online all day,

but it's fun to just talk with them.

Yeah.

I think they're waiting for Jin to make a reappearance.

They're always looking out for him.

They're big Jin Stewart fans.

I wanted to ask you a question

Ted, and if this is too personal for you to talk about

I understand

But I'm considering getting a vasectomy

And I know that you underwent

The procedure yourself here recently

Wait a minute, wait a minute

I thought you were going to have babies

No, fuck that, I don't want kids

I was discussing here with Athena

And I might get a vasectomy

Do they put you under for that, man?

No

Oh my god, forget that

Did they burn it?

No, but some would burn it

Can you look at it when you're doing it?

It's too crazy, because I'm afraid I'm just going to, like, flinch.

or at the shaft?

Nut.

The sack?

Like, towards the base of it?

In the center.

Like, the front center.

Is it, like, a laser or is it an actual scalpel that they use?

I mean, a scalpel.

Yeah.

It can't be a laser.

I'm sorry, dude.

No way.

Wow.

You can't see people.

Instead of you having to sit there and watch your...

Instead of you having to sit there and watch her push a baby out of her vagina.

That's nice of him.

Yeah, well, you know.

He's really laughing.

I'm sure everyone's been the trooper when they go in there with a joke, I'm sure, yeah.

Everybody's like, you're the one about that.

And he didn't even respond.

He's like, whatever.

He left me hanging.

Oh, man.

Now they're pulling out tubes out of there?

No.

He's like, you might.

Ten minutes too long.

No way.

Here's another question, then.

How long does it take to recover?

When are you back in action?

Like a week.

I mean, you had to take a week off of work, or?

Um, you.

God, if I went into that too fast, I don't know.

I'd be scared to do that.

Rip, you know, rip that sack hole.

Oh, and you have to shave, too.

You got to shave before.

I didn't do that anymore.

I trim.

I don't shave all the way, but you got to get a gentleman.

They do it for you.

If, like, you ask them to, the nurse will do it, right?

Like, if you show up there and you didn't shave, they'll end up doing it for you.

Doing your vasectomy?

And my wife and her, uh, excuse me.

Did she really?

would want a woman doing that. You know, I want a guy doing it

because they know more of what's going on. Right.

A little more gentle woman will go in that time.

Wow. And you have, we're not going to go

to the reasons that you did it. That's fine.

You did it, and that's fine.

I probably wouldn't do it. I do want to

have kids. I don't know, but I don't know.

You know, you worry about getting... Yeah, it's not something

to do lightly because reversal

procedures are very expensive.

So you're committed then, yeah. Like, to give you a

perspective, it costs to get your procedure done.

Those Heaven's Gate people, like, got themselves

crash-traded before they drank the

Kool-Aid or whatever.

That's kind of what I think about you sometimes.

It's almost like you did it because you got this mission in life.

What's my mission?

I don't have a mission in life.

Well, you're yourself as a man.

I don't know what the fuck I'm trying to say.

Anyway.

I think it was pretty simple.

My wife and I decided we didn't want to have kids,

and we figured, okay, well, since we both know that we don't,

why should my wife have to take synthetic hormones forever?

She could have gotten her tubes tied, you know.

It's actually more dangerous for a woman to have that procedure.

Is it really?

Yeah, it's a lot less risk for a man.

That's no tattoo either.

I mean, you can get her name tattooed on you, and that's, like, you know, a big sign there.

But, I mean, you got your nuts snipped even.

Well, okay.

I'm not trying to hurt on you, man.

I'm sorry, dude.

We're having fun here.

I'm going to call on, and I don't want you to call numbers.

You've got to be sure about the woman, too.

Like, if you, and you've also got to be sure about one thing.

One thing changes that you won't change your mind about having.

That's the tough one.

And then tomorrow Athena died, would you rid of a second?

Freeze some of your semen in case you change your mind in the future?

Do they give you that option?

Yeah, well, you do that.

They don't do it there, but you would set up yourselves.

Okay, okay.

But you didn't do that or contemplate that at all then?

No, I didn't want to have cryo, baby.

I would do just in case, because you never know, man.

You never know.

What if you became the leader of an empire and you needed an heir?

You never want, I mean...

Well, there are some people, now check this out,

there are some people who will, they'll have,

instead of people who will, using a...

They do this themselves, or they're going to like a...

Oh, like a fertility...

Okay, so it's still possible then.

Wow.

Wow, okay, this has been a very interesting conversation, Ted.

It's one of those things, guys, you know, I thought, I know I was thinking today,

and I was like, don't discuss this thing, but it's something that's out there,

and you've been in this situation, and I've contemplated it, and we've learned a lot.

We've learned about the process, but, God, pulling tubes out of my, no, uh-uh, no, I'm sorry,

no, there's got to be a pill I can take, or something.

They are working on a male contraceptive.

A male contraceptive, I don't know.

Like a pill, like an oral contraceptive, right?

You still produce sperm, you...

Anyway, okay, hey, Ted

I was trying to say, I don't want you to have to dial numbers

Because I know it's expensive for you

And every time you call in, I end up running up your phone bill

Or whatever it is, I don't want to do that to you tonight

That's alright, it's like Skype time

Okay, alright, well if you want to

But I will chip in now, because I have some dough

I've got the golden Indian curry house

Would you like to talk to an Indian gentleman?

Oh yeah, I've got to try out my Indian curse words

Awesome, that's right, you've been coining me

Indian curse words, true enough

Alright everybody, sorry for the long conversation

We're just having a, you know, I was interviewing Ted about vasectomies.

There you go.

You heard it here first, the Vasectomy Minute.

That was very interesting.

I'm going to do some more research on it before I commit to it.

Quality time.

Quality time here.

Quality men time.

This is like Maxim Magazine Radio.

Anyway, so here we are.

Golden Indian Curry House.

Ted with a prank call.

Just a moment.

Hang on, Ted.

Thank you, sir.

Find a song to play.

The Vasectomy Minute.

Brought to you by Madhouse Radio.

That was a good voice.

We snip nuts.

nuts. Also brought to you by

the Roadkill Cafe. Use

Gravem, we bake them. And yeah, Gang Green,

that's a good number. Zolar wants to call

in later. We will have Zolar in perhaps later

on tonight. I gotta take a break here soon.

Would like three chickens? Banchos?

I want. Mexican, do you think, or was he actually

one of those? I think it was... You have

five dollars. Lost Ted. We lost Ted

there temporarily. Oops. Whoops.

We lost Big Balls Ted. Yeah,

Gang Green, that is a very good announcer voice.

You really should, um, start

recording promos for us or something. Ted, is that you?

Let's do that. I got a radio shack that I thought we could call.

What's up with the phone? Hang on. Fixed.

Radio shack in Hawaii. You ready for that?

Woo, I am.

Put it up, though. That's this time here.

You feel free to interject if necessary.

Sorry that took so long. I actually had to go and pull out the Visa card and make a payment on my spoof card.

Is this radio shack?

Yes, it is.

Good. Do you have parts?

I'm in need of several parts here.

I am working on my dial machine.

My associate in the background here has the guide, and he can tell you exactly what parts we need.

But I have a Visa card, and I trust that you set Visa in this country.

I have never been to Hawaii before.

I grew up in Alabama.

Doing some work on some cranes out here, so we need to actually get this mount up.

And I'm certain you guys can help us out.

We need to get you in front of your computer.

You know what the problem is?

What?

One of the...

You know what?

That feels expensive, and when you drop it, it's brittle.

Is the Radio Shack person there, ma'am?

Are you there?

Okay, well, you're very quiet.

Are we intimidating you?

I didn't want to interrupt.

Oh, well, you're very polite.

Thank you, sweetheart.

All right, so we need parts.

No, she's very hot.

Parts, ma'am.

Are you in front of the inventory machine?

Associate, what do we need?

Jack, please.

He's looking.

Again?

Controller model A146.

One that has a kilobyte module on it.

Let me check if I have that in A1 there.

Go to RadioShack.com to find weird part numbers.

Everybody go to the RadioShack website.

weird and give me the part or item number we'll give it to her thank you this what do you think

what's your expectation where it goes we really need you to start i need you to record some promos

man i just need you to do some voiceover please and we're still on hold i think she's qualified

she doesn't think like the client where'd you get the part number did you come up and get it to work

duh it actually is that a legit though you're sitting like just rustling away this lady's

taking a lot of time folks that's exactly what we're doing let me play some background music

here for the people we're going to be taking a break soon however and maybe ted can call back

but if you'd like to use the restroom machine well no no we got time so we'll wait for this

to pan out hopefully probably like searching for this part number she's gonna come back like

five hours later hello that's what i get paid for if i was there all right i have to let this go

ted this is not going yeah i don't think she's gonna come that's not gonna go to where i wanted

to go yeah yeah dude you know what i haven't called in the show in a long time since the

conference special and that's coming up after the show that's actually next in the rotation

That's a great show.

The conference special, Walmart.

We haven't messed with a Walmart in a long time.

That was fun.

Oh, Ted, you were gone yesterday.

That's what I was looking out for you for.

Did you know that yesterday Starbucks closed for three hours?

I heard about that.

Oh, good.

I like Dunkin' Donuts coffee actually better than I do the Starbucks coffee.

I think it's a higher quality, more robust blend.

And it's good to support Dunkin' Donuts.

It's good to support the little big company.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is all their staff,

or the majority of their staff was having training at that time at the stores.

I thought it would have been a perfect time to do conference calls saying we're calling from corporate

and telling them to go ahead and cancel the training and open up as soon as possible because it wasn't working.

The stock had dropped really quickly because of it,

and we wanted to open up immediately for business and see if we could get any stores to actually reopen up.

I thought that would have been awesome to do, but I would not have had the ability to do it on my own

because I only had one working line.

I wanted to do a conference.

Look at this.

This beer came out.

This is entirely foam right here.

Look at that.

Bull crap.

This piece of shit.

Shit.

Stupid fucking keg.

Piece of shit.

Stupid keg thing that I bought.

Threw it on the ground.

That's probably going to have a lot of foam.

I got mad.

Let me go pick keg back up.

Very angry and upset right now.

I bought this, these $20 keg Heineken, the keg of Heineken's, you know, you can buy.

I don't know if you've seen the commercial for them.

And all that I get is foam, man.

It's straight up foam.

Nothing but foam.

Foam.

It's not beer, it's foam.

Foam. Fun and foam. It's gay.

Okay, let's do one more call here.

I got a GameStop.

We got another Indian restaurant here.

Let's try this GameStop.

I'm going to leave the casino.

We got a casino.

I'm going to save that for the second half of the show.

Or I might just stay on and end the show here pretty soon.

Like, maybe stay on until one straight through.

I don't know. We'll see what I do.

Anyway, hang on, folks.

Next prank call of the night is coming up just now.

I was playing music earlier here.

Here we go.

You need to save some satan numbers.

You did? Did you?

Baz sent in satan numbers.

Interesting.

interesting. Coffee Care Saipan and the Valley Inn in Saipan. A typical Saipan woman answer.

Should be easy to confuse her. Very true. All right, hang on, folks. Next prank of the

night coming up. I'm trying to call a GameStop in Hawaii, but it just, it doesn't even ring.

It goes out and it just sits there. Oh, there it goes. Shit. Hey, look, yeah, good. I didn't

get your name. Yeah. I was thinking about this Smash Brothers tournament. How can we

get in it's me and paul it's me and paul smash brothers all the way we'll represent we'll

represent man we represent boys in the windward mall that's my mall man all that game and i

become addicted to any sort of resources regarding that warcraft earned from a healthy

full of aspirations all right grinding i will not have a nice day i'm gonna call him back to

tell him so that he knows for a fact that i'm not gonna have a nice day for the guy to come

You have a nice day, Clint.

I will not have a nice day.

Oh, we got a bunch of Walmarts this year.

All right.

I came in quick.

Hang on, Ted.

Don't go nowhere.

New news calling for UK calls.

Thank you.

It's from GameStop in Redmond.

We'll give you top value for trade.

This is Candy.

How can I help you?

Candy, I want to let you know that I will not have a good day.

Absolutely will not have a good day after the way I was just treated on the phone.

You got that?

Write it down.

Give it to that boy.

You do know that your number is traced to, and I'm going to be calling the police.

I'm blocking the number.

You have no idea what my number is.

I have a legitimate number.

5-4-1-2-1-4-5.

Thank you very much.

Oh, my God.

She's got our number.

She's going to tell Mom.

Give me the number.

I forgot what number.

Hang on.

Let me find out.

We'll call her back from that number.

Hang on.

Let me find out in case she was listening.

Hang on.

All right.

Let me see.

How do I do this?

I log in real quick here.

She thinks she has this.

Let's call her back like kids and just say, fuck you, or something like that.

We're going to tell her that we dare to call.

We need someone else to call as the dad, as the dad, and make her,

can you disguise your voice enough to say, like, you're one of the people?

Oh, you know what?

Yeah, I'll be the dad.

You'll be the dad.

Okay, here's, I got the number that I called as.

I called as 247-5632.

That is what she said.

She thinks she's on to us.

Little does she know, some unwilling victim out there is going to get called to police.

Anyway, here we go.

We're going to call back again the GameStop.

Okay.

We give you top value for trade. This is candy. How can I help you? Oh, yeah, did my son just call over there?

I'm checking on here on the phone and game stuff. Yes. Is your phone number five four one two one four five. Yeah

Yeah, I'm about this that people don't find it funny when he calls them up the line here

I got so his thing about your price on him normally

Unfortunately, we don't quote prices over the phone because we have to actually take a look at the actual games

Unfortunately, and the price can change day to day

Maybe. I don't know, though. I don't know. I don't know, though, because I got Asteroid.

Don't take the Atari games anymore, sir.

What are you talking about? They're perfectly good games.

Perfectly good games. Well, we don't take them in anymore, unfortunately.

You mean to tell me that no one wants to play Asteroids?

I'm saying that there isn't anybody who would play Asteroids, but at this company, we do not take in the 2600 games anymore, sir.

Man, that's foolish, what that is.

You do these games on my box.

No, you better not take them in.

You could always buy Craigslist in the form of eBay, local eBay.

They would be able to help you out since we don't.

I don't want school or, I mean, he's all good to me.

I'm sure there's somebody out there, but we wouldn't be able to help you out with that, sir.

I've got 50 cards of E.T.

That's a true story that there's like thousands of cards of E.T. the movie.

E.T. the extraterrestrial Atari game for the 2600 buried in a landfill somewhere outside of Sunnyvale, California.

That game, one of the...

You place a call.

For those of you who, if you entertain my video game historianism,

That game is one of the big reasons

Of the big video game crash of 1983

So right there, there you go

E.T. the Extraterrestrial

It was that bad of a game

I own that game too

My dad bought it because it was like 5 bucks

At Toys R Us

He's like, oh, it's an Atari game, I get it

Oh, it's so cheap

It was impossible to win or play

You couldn't win the game, there was no sense to the game

It was E.T. walking around

Falling into holes

Gravitating out of the hole

and then you could eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup

and then there's an FBI guy that would chase you.

That's all it was, ever.

That's all it ever was.

I could not understand the game.

And it's, like, notorious for just being that there was no sense.

Anyway.

You know what?

Now I kind of remember it.

Yeah, there's these little, little images in my mind about that game.

Yeah, it was, I remember, like, E.T. could fall down a hole

and then you could extend his neck and he'd rise up like Jesus.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He would extend his neck and rise up like Jesus.

He's just like, and it made no sense.

And then you could walk around again, and you'd pick up, like, a little Reese's peanut, whatever, Reese's pieces thing.

And I think it was a dead plant, and at one point, you could come back to life.

But there was, like, no sense.

You just walked around.

It was weird.

Actually, no, I think you had to put pieces together, and then at one point, you would go back, and the mothership would come back and get you.

I remember going on the mothership, as a matter of fact.

I remember that.

Yeah, the mothership would come down after you did something.

something you had to do something like three things and then the mothership would come down

and you can get on it and it was over it literally was really retarded it was like no sense of the

game craziness ted i'm gonna take a break real quick uh get off the line uh so we don't waste

minutes and then probably have you call back when we come back all right i gotta take a break out

my bladder is about to explode all right it feels bad i really need to get a big cup here for that

all right on the flip uh thank you for calling man all right speaking of peace reese's pieces

all that good stuff we're going to take a break here real quick because i got to urinize um i'm

asking for a status from syndicate do you need me to get offline for someone else to go on at

midnight uh i'm late or something now at this point i don't know yeah should am i allowed to

still be on i don't know let me know please gentlemen and ladies um when we come back we're

going to do some calls to the united kingdom uk per new news request i

will also attempt to find one of my cats and put her or him on the cam.

Watch out for that.

I know Zolar is interested in being in on the show.

The Bad Boys of Iowa want to call in tonight also.

We've got a few people who want to call in.

We've got some numbers here also.

Just to let you know here, when we come back here, we'll be back in five minutes after the break.

We've got Casinos in Paradise.

We've got Flavor of India.

And we have a whole ton of Walmart stores.

Maybe me and Ted will do a conference special here with Walmart.

You never know.

Those are always fun.

We kind of need a third guy to do that.

It's kind of hard not to do it with a third guy.

That was the brilliance of the conference special.

I'll play that after tonight's show.

Be sure to listen to that.

It's a great time.

And be sure to go to madhouselive.com as well as syndicateradio.tv.

In the U.K., we have David James Bradley in Ireland, actually.

My bad, Ireland.

We've got a vegetarian restaurant in Fountain Valley, California.

We've got Malcolm King and Eamon Long all checking in from the U.K.

So, yeah, we've got a lot of stuff we're going to do when we get back.

Of course, here still will be Ted.

Milkman is in the house, I believe.

Milkman, why is Milkman on mute?

I don't get it.

Milkman is still here.

Milkman, of course.

Tuck, Bad, and Gain Green are all here.

Gain Green.

All right.

gangren i'm telling you man you got the the voice you got the pipes that we need man

you've saved us we're gonna be the maybe we'll make you the voice of the last year

there's wow there's almost only one year left of the show everybody hope you guys are ready

we're getting down to uh may uh our wedding date is finalized by the way just to let you know it's

actually going to be the last week weekend of may will be the wedding the week before that will be

the final manhouse show and we've talked about before a lot of a star-studded cast a lot of

of people are going to be coming out i can hardly wait where are we going on our honeymoon darling

you're not going anywhere you're coming you're in the wedding and that's about it you know you

go home after that milkman you go home anyway so man i would like to go to hawaii

no you're not coming with us for our cadet wanted to go with you on your honeymoon

yeah he would i'd let him come i'd let him come he's a good kid it'll be next may uh by the way

gangrene i see you're asking next may not this may next may in uh in pennsylvania not here

in Florida, in Pennsylvania, but anyway

Does Steven R. be there?

Does he live in Pennsylvania?

No idea. Okay, if he does

then we're changing the location. It's scary enough

that Joop might be showing up

Anyway, we'll be right back after this. Five minutes

we'll be back. This is Madhouse Radio, 12-15

AM, Friday, February

29th

I'm going to go make a sandwich. I'll be right back

after this.

Visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Madhouse Radio will be back right after this.

Fred Stanford, Fred Stanford is his name.

He lives in the deckyard.

He's a friend of Google.

He drinks his Ripple and gets a heart attack.

Back, everybody, Madhouse Radio.

All my homies out there grinding.

You know what I'm saying?

Legally and illegally.

The last part of the show has begun, so be sure you get your last-minute request in.

MadHouseLive.com, SyndicateRadio.tv.

Message us or call us with your request for prank calls.

Or just join us.

The cats, they looked too comfortable.

I didn't want to get them.

I didn't want to serve Chloe or Dobby.

They looked really happy.

They were waiting for me on my bed where I sleep.

sleep i don't i don't i don't sleep in the same bed as my fiance we don't share beds i don't

believe in it i don't i honestly i'm telling you the truth we don't share the same bed we don't

share the same bank account either i will never share a bank account with some anybody else

including my wife to be just stay against that ted what do you care if you don't mind telling

us because you're married here you're the only well coke uh coke and he's married too but he's

not on the line so you guys have a joint bank account or a or a single bank account joint

I've told Baz

What's your status

How do you roll

We share a bank account

I work and she spends it

Oh man

Interesting that's how it works

What I've told Athena

I told Athena when we get married

When we get back from our honeymoon

The first thing we'll do is we'll go together

We'll pick a bank and we'll go

The two of us to a bank and we're going to tell them

Athena wants to open her checking account

Her own checking account

I want to open my own checking account and we're both going to open a joint checking account and we want our accounts to be able to transfer back and forth from the joint and that's it. No more. I don't want to share with her my account or her with me. I don't want it. I don't want that trouble. I don't want the trouble that I'm going to spend the money, that she's going to spend the money.

the majority of divorces in the united states are a result of money problems that is a proven

that's a that's a researched fact here in the last several years that is the case so no no

that is what i'm i'm planning on doing is you know and when i first mentioned it to her you

know she actually said what do you mean i mean what do you mean i just i don't understand that

and i told her i put my foot down i said you know what you know what this is how it is with me

if you're going to marry me this is how it is no no shared bank account and i stress anybody out

there's i mean it's working for ted it's working for baz that's fine that's good you know but i'm

just looking out for you gentlemen out there who have not taken the plunge yet consider what i'm

saying when you get married in the beginning you do have some arguments because you know it comes

out to you sometimes you want to spend your money sometimes i sometimes you know what i did you know

And I literally, I went to Best, I came home, I was at home, I woke up on Saturday morning,

I went to BestBuy.com, I found a good deal, I bought it online and went to pick it up.

It was a great experience.

I will never, you know, from now on, whenever I buy something like that, any appliance or

large electronic thing from Best Buy or Circuit City, I'm doing the thing where you buy it

online and you just go and pick it up.

Because I don't want to deal with those people at Best Buy.

And I'm okay with the people at Circuit City, but definitely people at Best Buy just try

to upsell you and everything.

thing no no thank you i will buy it online and i will go with my little ticket and i will go to

the front desk and i say hey i want my pat my purchase and they give it to you they put in

your car and you're out of there good deal i got i got a good deal on a 37 inch lcd plasma hd tv

it is a samsung and it is very nice and so i'm very happy with it i got a very good deal um

and it feels good to have a nice tv here again we got a request a prank coming in from hockey

HockeyBear15, we'll get to that in a moment.

I don't know, we're just bullshitting here, you know, talking about bank accounts and stuff like that.

And, yeah, we have Walmarts here up on deck if you guys want to call us.

Feel free now before we plug up the lines of prank calls since we're just hanging out.

And, again, the toll-free line is 888-278-8509.

And, again, the toll-free line here is 1-888-888-278-8509.

Man.

UK calls.

excuse me there's the phone that thing one two three what happened i got one ring and that's it

i got one ring and that's it no yeah we hear you gangrene you're sounding good we hear you now we

didn't hear you for a while you were quiet okay i'm calling the pope leslie pope in uh lincolnshire

just a moment everybody play some indian music like this we played this last week too much

you're right new new an lcd plasma how redundant it's a plasma and it's not an lcd i don't know

what is it i think it's an lcd no it's an lcd tv it's an lcd hd tv yeah plasma sucks you don't

want to get plasma that stuff goes bad after isn't it like i don't think it's still but when it first

came i remember after five years you had to get it basically refilled with plasma i thought that's

what i understood hey you're gonna tell a girl you saw mother mary song sucked since i hear you're

a beer drinker i use a keg or do you know how to use a keg a keg so do you drink ale or beer

drink are you a drinking man no what's your british you're all a bunch of alcoholics and

beatniks did you drink did you ring a bit ago yes i did it was an accident the first

first you're ringing at that time of the morning you're a disgrace well the first time is an

an accident the second time this was this is kind of intentional now mr pope it's kind of

intentional now and i had i just had the best interest in mind i'm asking you about drinking

i understand you're a professional beer consumer what time do you usually wake up

i don't see i'm in america i have no idea what time it is it's midnight here

well i mean i don't what time is it i thought it was like the same time or maybe like an hour

i got some i got some damn good cheese that i bought at the store and tell you what good

cheese makes a sandwich and i bought mayonnaise for the first time in a few few months almost

a there's been almost a year since we had mayonnaise in his house i bought some for

For some Muppet.

Sometimes he's getting away from the white sauce.

The white sauce.

Yeah.

Real quick, around the table.

You know, they don't call it ketchup in England, you know, Carlito.

What do they call it?

They call it ketchup.

What do they call it, Seaman?

Red sauce.

They call it red sauce?

That was homos, man.

That was fucks.

Yeah, red sauce.

Those earthquake-having bastards.

The trinity of Wankershire.

Milkman, what do you prefer, Miracle Whip or?

mayonnaise oh mayonnaise for sure man you gotta have that egg yeah that's right um gentlemen what

about uh ted what about yourself you like miracle whip over mayonnaise or no miracle it tastes

better okay so my favorite my favorite uh mayonnaise is hellman's you know i like hellman's

over is a craft craft is the other one hellman's is really good yeah hellman's is the good one

because they put lemon in it i prefer hellman's hellman's is ethic hellman's and it's thicker

Well, all mayonnaise has lemon.

That's what curdles the white part.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Because basically mayonnaise is oil and egg white, right?

And lemon, you're telling me now, too?

Right.

And then they use the lemon to cause it to change colors and emulsify like that.

And then that's what happens whenever it's emulsified.

It becomes white.

But if it would split back up, there would be oil and egg.

They also use the spleens of underprivileged children.

Come on, man.

Don't be crazy like that, Ted.

I bet you, Ted, I bet you eat mayonnaise, don't you?

You use mayonnaise, right?

You're a mayonnaise user?

Everyone.

Well, I'll have mayonnaise if it's on a prepared sandwich like Subway.

Do they make veggie mayo?

Veggie mayo.

Yeah, they do make veggie mayo.

They make vegan-aise.

Vegan-aise, I've heard of, too.

I don't know about that one.

Wow.

What has it got?

It's got soy oil, and what would be the other part?

Probably some kind of vegetable oil, maybe.

I don't know.

It's got yoga and hope in it.

A lot of love and sugar.

Whatever.

Okay, so here's the thing.

When you look at Miracle Whip, it says salad dressing on it, doesn't it?

It doesn't say spread, right?

It says salad dressing, I believe.

Why would you want to put salad dressing on this damn sandwich?

Well, when it comes down to that whole spread thing, you know, these people that get those slices,

you ever look at it, it says cheese spread or processed cheese food.

It's not really cheese.

It's oil mixed up with a little bit of cheese flavoring in it.

well you can get real cheese no but real thing but craft advertises that they use milk not cheese or

is it or the or is it borden borden says or one of the two one of those says that they actually

said we don't use oil at the competition we use real two percent milk when you buy your cheese

you can get skim cheese you can get two percent cheese that's what you want to buy don't buy the

oil stuff don't buy the cheap stuff the stuff i got here is two percent don't buy cheese spread

or cheese food just be careful to read the wrapper and don't get cheese spread or cheese food because

really it's mostly uh vegetable oil now what about cheese whiz is there any dairy and cheese

whiz i bet you there's not cheese whiz is good though oh man cheese whiz is the shit

oh man the great munchie food i don't care if it's made out of engine oil it tastes damn good

you you want me the guys this is you know i'm in orlando and we get we have hurricanes that come

through and here on my list of things this is my list of things that i go out when i when i

I know a hurricane is coming.

This is what I go out and buy.

I go out and buy one jar of Cheez Whiz.

I buy a loaf of bread.

I buy a jar of peanut butter.

I buy some Spam, some pot of meat food products, some sardines, and I buy a summer sausage.

And I'm good.

I'm good.

I don't have to worry about anything else.

That's all I need for the hurricane right there.

That's all the hurricane food you need.

Nothing like processed foods and meats, man.

Yeah, and honestly, I usually buy a case of beer.

And I usually drink that before the power goes out

I try to at least

I like a can of those export sodas

That come in a can, the Keebler's

Those, yeah

I buy those just

I keep one of those in my car all the time

One of the big tens

Because that's filling

And it doesn't have a lot of

I mean, it's not like you're eating some

Like McDonald's, I mean

It's the non-salt ones

The non-salt ones

It's the no-salt ones

No, I like my salt

I need my salt

You need salt

The reason I keep them is

I learned from a doctor once

Because I used to get upset stomach

when i'd take medication remember when i was really sick a couple years ago and dying yeah

well i found out that the medications upset your stomach and if you get the salt pre

saltines like uh kiba or whatever just get the non-salt kind it actually soothes your stomach

it actually helped me a lot so if i get an upset stomach i eat a few crackers and use that

straightens me out i've always done that like especially like yeah if i feel if i wake up kind

of sick in the morning i just eat crackers you know until until i get home for dinner i'll skip

skip lunch and i'll just have some crackers maybe some soup i keep a soup like instant not instant

soup but i keep like i keep ramen noodles in my car for lunch and i keep like campbell's

microwavable soups and stuff like that which aren't really good for you because they have a

lot of that like the ramen noodles has so many preservatives and so much sodium in it man

it is not not good for you don't sustain yourself on that i know call real thing you know when you

when you kids go to college you're gonna want to do this that what all of us did because i did

when i went to college i'm sure ted went through his ramen phase we all did guys our age um yeah

it's it's gonna dry you up you know if you're gonna if you're gonna sustain yourself on a diet

of ramen for a little while just be careful be mindful and drink your water stay away from

anything else salty you can get high blood pressure you can lose weight eating that stuff too man

yeah it's a great diet food all right and here's some peanut butter for protein yeah we had a

suggestion in the chat room i forgot who was exactly because it scrolled up now but someone

Someone was saying cheese was on toasted rye bread.

I'll tell you what.

That sounds kind of good.

I'm going to have to go get some rye bread tomorrow for the weekend.

I like Swiss on rye, man.

Swiss on rye is good.

Smelled it on rye.

Yeah, on rye.

We get like the pumpernickel rye and then make a grilled cheese with the

Charlesburg Swiss and a little light coating of mayo on one side.

Woo!

Yeah, that sounds good.

A little light coating of mayo.

Not light mayo, though.

That's crap.

Wow, we're just talking food here.

You remember when Andy's...

The white sauce.

Remember when Andy was on the show and every week we'd end up talking about food for like a half hour?

I don't know.

We'd just straight up start talking about food.

We'd end up like, yeah, man.

We'd talk about food.

We'd talk about like sandwiches and shit.

Yeah.

So fat.

This segment has been provided to you by Madhouse Munchies.

And Clay's talking about, good man, Clay.

He's talking about Duke's Mayonnaise.

You know, I've seen that on TV.

They don't sell it here where I live.

but I've seen the commercials creeping up

on national TV lately

and I'm missing out

another thing that I miss out here in Florida

that apparently is unavailable

that a lot of the country gets

is Jack in the Box

I see Jack in the Box commercials all the time

we don't have Jack in the Box here in Florida at all

all over LA

I know where you are

where Ted is

they've got plenty of Jack in the Boxes

Jack in the Box

I would love to get some Jack in the Box, but I've never had it.

But, hey, you know what we do have here?

It's pretty good shit, man.

They've got a tasty burger.

We have Whataburger.

The surprising one that I never tried was Carl's Jr., man.

They've got an excellent burger, man.

I've heard that's like the best value you can get.

Well, the best meal you can get in fast food burger in America is Carl's Jr.

That's another one that's not around here.

But we do have Whataburger from Texas.

The Whataburger chain from Texas, which is awesome.

They have expanded into Florida, and there's one really close to where I used to live,

where my old apartment is.

It's still really close to here.

God, I love Whataburger, man.

They're open 24 hours a day.

You can get breakfast 24 hours a day.

One of my all-time favorites that you can't see here anywhere but in the east is White Castle's, man.

WC's.

Now, that's culture food, baby.

There's another one that we don't get here, but we do get Crystal.

We do get Crystal.

Ooh, we have a caller.

That's kind of like Sonics.

Christmas, man.

I don't like Sonics.

Sonics has got bad service.

They've got a lot of drink options.

Matt, how's Friday?

You're on the air.

Hey, what's up?

What's going on?

Who's this, brother?

What's up?

This is Eric.

Eric, what's up?

Nothing much.

What's the deal?

Are you listening tonight?

Yes, I am.

How are you feeling?

Is it an emotional night for you, or how do you feel?

No, I just feel tired, you know.

Tired?

Busy?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm hanging out with my girl tomorrow.

Oh, cool.

Friday.

Oh, yeah.

Are you going to take her to the movie?

I don't know yet, but, uh, yeah, I was just gonna, uh, talk to you about how we don't have any of those, uh, food places in Rhode Island.

It's so small over here.

You don't? That sucks, man.

I mean, it's a very small, not so small, it's a small estate.

But I've heard that the McDonald's over there has, uh, Lobster, McLobster.

Is that true, or is that only in Maine?

Um...

That's in Maine, I think.

I think, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's mostly in Maine, but, uh, yeah, we have, uh, like the regular food, you know?

Yeah.

Like you guys have and shit, yeah.

Oh, the regular food, regular food, alright.

All right, can you get any good fried chicken out there in Rhode Island, I wonder?

Yeah, we have some places.

I mean, we have these restaurants in Tuckett.

They're pretty good.

They're fried chicken.

Check that out.

I hear Rhode Island looks kind of pretty.

It's like not many people give Rhode Island a lot of crap, you know?

People seem to like it.

Yeah, my friend Justin from Mass.

Well, it was good talking to you.

Thanks for listening.

Are you listening on Syndicate or the Madhouse thing?

Yeah.

Thanks for listening.

Tell everybody you know who you think would like it.

No problem.

Thanks.

I love it.

All right, man.

See you, Eric.

Yay for Eric.

That was nice to talk to a nice young man like that,

a nice young American, proud, proud Aryan boy like that.

It just warms my heart, man.

I'll tell you what.

Aryan, come on.

Yeah, I'm Aryan, aren't I?

More pranks.

We're just having fun here, just talking.

Carl's Jr. is known as Hardee's to us on Easter.

Really?

Oh, Hardee's.

Hell, yeah.

I like Hardee's.

Hardee's has some good fried chicken, too, man.

Hardee's is good, dude.

Listen to me, man.

Hardee's is good, but it's not Carl's Jr.'s.

I'm a big fan of Hardee's.

I always have been.

But they are related, I guess, by the company, but it's not the same product.

Not the same product.

Once you've had a Carl's, any of their selection, you'll love your Hardee's,

but you'll really rock on Carl's.

Yeah, well, there's a Hardee's really close to here.

And I'll tell you what, here's the honest truth.

On my way back from Best Buy with that big TV in my car, I did stop at Hardee's,

and I got myself the biggest burger.

They got a one-third pound bacon cheeseburger, and I got these bacon cheese fries,

and I had a huge 44-ounce Diet Dr. Pepper.

This is a Hardee's that's located inside a gas station, if you can believe it.

We do stuff like that here in the South.

It was a Hardee's inside the gas station, and so when you get a drink,

you got the option to get the big gulp, you know what I mean?

So I got a 44-ounce Diet Dr. Pepper.

I came home.

I set up my TV.

Nice.

I set up my TV, hooked it up nice.

I just hooked it up to my HD DVR, you know, and then I laid back in an undershirt and my boxers,

and I had a beer in my left hand, and I had a huge burger in my right hand,

and I was like, that was fun, man.

That's fun.

I just, I vegged out.

That was my Saturday, man.

I bought a TV, and I came home and ate a lot of food and got plastered, and it was great.

Felt good to do.

You got to do stuff like that all the time.

Not all, I'm sorry.

Sometimes.

times the mushroom burger hardy's has mushroom burger the old mushroom burger and then they

had this one out here carl's has he's got the portobello mushroom burger oh man it's like

the next level of mushroom burger step up man i'll tell you what man milkman when you finally

come to orlando we're gonna go to get get some steak you know we're gonna go to a nice steak

place or or we'll go to that place at disney that you got it but we'll go to that hawaiian

place at disney that gives all the meat it's like meat heaven man i'll tell you what

Chicken, turkey

And we've got to take a trip to Ebisu

We're talking a lot of food

This is bad, I'm so stoned

I'm so bad

You guys are making me hungry

Let's just get in the show and I'll go get some fast food

I think that's calling off a bag of nacho cheese chips

With a big ol' healthy dose of

Homemade ranch dressing

Yummy

Now gangrene, you're going to be here in Orlando

In a week or two

That's cool

hell meet up with me man

let's do that

the 10th and the 14th

you know what gangrene

I don't know if you're interested in this

but I think you're going to be here

oh fuck

we're going to have a huge convention out here

I was going to go promote the madhouse show

at this convention

I got a spot to get in

I have some flyers left over from when Sean Moore was here

two years ago

I think I'm going to go

and press the palms out there

and meet some people

and I'm really thinking about doing a live

show from

one of these conventions

they're like collectibles and comic book conventions

or whatever, I think it would be cool to do

a madhouse radio show live from the floor

and do prank calls live

and Big Will said he'd go and he'd actually interview people

in the crowd while we're doing a live

we've got a whole thing planned

it'll be kind of practice for the big show

next May

not this coming May but the next one

May of 2009

uh the last may of the of of the last weekend in may will also be the last madhouse radio show

the beer that is all completely foam heineken you know what suck my dick you suck all right

f you heineken up your ass you up your german or whatever holland what what are they dutch

dutch people come from holland right well screw you douches

Get gross.

Get gross, man.

Man, that's radio.

You're on the air.

Hey, what's up, Carl?

What's going on?

What's up, man?

What's up, Mush Mouth?

How you doing?

Pretty good.

What about you, man?

Not bad.

Who was this?

What's up, man?

This is, uh, actually, you're going to be surprised.

Mike.

Yeah, I didn't.

Did you get some oral surgery or what happened?

Yeah, they kind of went in and hit my tooth back then.

I can't remember.

Man, you sound like you get all fucked up.

Did he use the nice pain meds for that?

Yeah, I did.

See, that's an experience I want to endure.

You know, the last time I went to the dentist, he wouldn't have given me the gas.

He actually, he's like, no, I can't do it unless you have to have a physical before you do it.

I was like, oh, fuck that shit.

Just do it.

Just drill.

So was it a wisdom tooth, like one of the ones in back, or was it another molar?

It was right in the back, like right back there.

My mouth was still kind of numb.

I didn't know, right in the back.

So I won't be showing Saturday.

Well, so everybody knows you got to excuse.

God, I'm being honest with you, brother, man.

You're cool, but you just sound so funny right now.

I'm so sorry.

This happened to me last year.

It was so horrible.

I couldn't do a show.

Same week, man.

But, man, take advantage of the pain meds and stick to soups, you know, and Jell-O.

You'll be all right, man.

Three days, you'll be all right, man.

Yeah.

I'm just going to listen to the end of the show, man.

Okay, well, good.

So, everybody, we'll stay tuned and get better, man.

All right, man.

Thanks, man.

All right.

All right, peace.

hey that's hook nose god damn it man i hate i hate the dentist i do i feel for him i am very

sympathetic because i'll tell you what man the dentist is not fun i had to get a wisdom tooth

pulled out last year and oh it hurts so much please can you give me something i've never

i've never had this before oh we can give you i can give you this what is that i've never used

painkillers before ha ha ha yeah right i need to get back on prescription soma man that's where

where it's at, Prescription Soma.

You get yourself half a prescription Soma and a beer,

perfect nightcap right there,

instant nightcap there was a website out there that andy showed me uh former

co-host of the show andy showed me a website where you can sign up and uh you don't need a

prescription but you can get tons you can get viagra you can get soma you can get a bunch of

painkillers muscle relaxants and and ed aids and uh basically they're doctors that are on the

website that will they write you the prescription themselves after they talk to you and get your

symptoms you can tell them oh yeah i've got this and i've got this and i got this and not to say

okay no problem i'm going to write your prescription for so and so and we'll keep it here on file go

ahead and order and you pay for your pills you pay normal market price for your pills i don't

know about steroids gangrene gangrene's asking about steroids i know there was a company here

in orlando that was doing that the same way for steroids only though they got busted big time

they got raided but uh yeah i don't remember the name of that website and i don't think i would

give it out either because i don't want that type of type of responsibility i mean if one of you

were to do that and die as a result um but yeah i think uh i think i'm gonna try to go to a doctor

soon see if i can get some pain meds coming out the request to prank to be received um it's for

For a dude named Eric, always on Xbox Live, swears, is racist, anti-Semitic, has a girlfriend and a mustache.

That was sent in by HockeyBear.

Well, we haven't done prank calls in about, you know, what, an hour now?

Jesus.

Are you guys still here, Milkman, Ted?

I mean, it's real quiet and I'm rambling.

Yeah, I'm here.

Yeah, we're here, we're here.

How many listeners do we have?

Yeah, I'm here, but I don't think you're hearing me.

No, I hear you, Milkman.

You sound good.

You sound good, Milkman.

we got 32 plus 17 plus 525 we got like 59 60 70 listeners right now that's not bad for live

uh pleasure says uh you get a ton of shit and u.s drugs what oh hang on let me go back here

i have a site that you don't have to talk to anyone wow but you get a ton of shit and u.s

drugs no kidding you don't even have to talk to the doctor i'd be afraid to give my credit card

out to that company though man it's a shady whatever man if you want painkillers you get

get yourself a prepaid visa you'll be okay well as soon as you know you register with their email

or they get your ip dude you'll be spammed for the rest of your life exactly yeah i know right

god that's that's why they get it to you that's what they want they can sell that information

for a lot of money um hockey bear if you're listening dude um when they ship it to you

there's no guarantee what you're really getting is the actual thing especially when it's that

kind of outfit right right um yeah hockey bear if you're listening still if you can uh send over

over the gamer tag for Eric,

the prank call request that you sent in,

his Xbox Live gamer tag.

We got a few people who say

they'd like to talk to him on Xbox 360.

So do that.

Pee now, steroids.

Did you guys know that you can get an injection

in your cock now and make it hard?

I had no idea.

It's called something.

I just saw it the other day.

It's actually a prescription you can get.

Yeah.

It's got a name.

That would be kind of a weird thing to do right before.

Hold on, honey.

I'm going to look for the damn website here.

It's not a real, like, a huge, like a normal standard injection.

It's a very small one.

Like, there's needles that I use for my medicine because I'm diabetic that the needle is not, it's no bigger than, I don't know, it's smaller than pencil lead.

It's very thin and very short.

I think that's what it is.

but they actually show diagrams on the website

of how you do it, pretty crazy

let me see if I can locate that, it was on

where was it on, man

I'm trying to remember where I saw that at

I don't know, maybe after the show I'll get that information to you privately

we shall see, anyway

you know, I don't think I'm going to do any more prank calls

I'm just tired, I'm sorry for

coming back and just bullshitting, I'll do one

prank call, I'll do, well okay, I'm going to do a little

string of prank calls here, because a lot of you have been holding

just for pranks, my bad, alright so

give me a moment here, just a moment

a few more prank calls before we wrap up the show

Feel free to call in if you can get through

888-278-8509

Well, I'm having trouble with the phone

The phone does not seem to want to respond here

I think we're going to have to end the show

Because I cannot make any calls

Interesting

Sorry, folks

Milkman, you want to wrap this up and get us out of here?

or we can keep we can talk for a little bit it's one you know it is one o'clock i gotta be up at

seven i gotta be up at six i gotta be on the road at seven it's almost time to go i'm trying

to find information about that wang thing also anyway milkman take us out of here please if

you're there are you on mute again is that what's going on no i don't know no you're not

hi mrs cocaine

Cocaine.

Yeah, man, it's been a really great time, man.

Yeah.

Cocaine.

What is it?

Cocaine.

What is it?

I never really could figure that one out, but anyway.

I don't know.

Cocaine.

It's cocaine, yeah.

Cocaine.

Okay.

Whatever.

Okay.

All right.

Whatever.

Go.

Hurry.

Come on.

Wrap it up.

I got to go.

I got to take a shit.

Pop my finger, damn it.

Oh, okay.

There you go.

I can't hold it.

Turtle head.

You're hurting me, man.

man. You're making my turtle scared. You're scaring

my turtle. Stop it. All right. Now, I'd like

to thank everybody for joining in

because we had a great time. It's been a great time.

Has it, friends? Yes, it has.

I'd say. Yeah. I'd like to thank our

good friends here in the manhouse.

Mr. Ted Webb for showing up.

W-W-W-Web-Web. Ted Webb,

thank you so much. My brother, my friend, my

man, my vegetable man,

thank you for showing up and all your great

humorings and stylings. And Ted, do you do

your show anymore? Uh, not for

a while, I guess. No show.

Well, stay tuned, keep on listening, and tune in right here because Mr. Ted Webb will have a show eventually again.

And it is a riot.

Hello?

Nobody.

All right, go ahead.

No, move on.

Continue.

Come on.

Oh, I thought you was on the phone.

No, we're not on the phone.

All right.

Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

And I'd like to thank all of our friends who are joining in here in our team.

Speak, man.

Mr. Baz.

Mr. Tucker Mike.

Mr. Tucker Mike has a show, too, occasionally.

When's your next show, Mr. Tucker Mike?

Yeah, Tucker Mike.

Sunday.

So, they're going to have their show, and it will be announced.

It's Sunday.

I'm putting up a new podcast here lately.

So, probably every Sunday, I'll put a new podcast on prankcaughtoninfo.com for everybody.

Oh, hey, we got breaking news.

Breaking news.

On the podcast.

And breaking news.

Go, big man.

All right, the injection is called Caverjet.

C-A-V-E-R-J-E-T.

Once again, that is C-A-V-E-R-E-R.

Yes, C-A-V-E-R-J-E-T, Caverjet.

That is the injectable penis hardener thing.

Continue, Milkman.

All you potential penis pumpers, take note.

Caverjet.

Get your feet are blown up with a needle, and it may look like an elephant stick, but it's all no.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, it's Caverject.

It's Caverject, C-A-V-E-R-J-E-C-T, Caverject.

There you go.

Look it up, guys.

Don't be afraid to ask for it.

Well, if you are that desperate that you're going to have to inject your penisoid with a needle-ozoid,

then you might be brave enough to go ahead and take the snip-snip.

You can call your nearest vasectomist to find out for more details.

I'd also like to thank all our friends in the chat room.

Here's our good friends, Miss Fall, my sister, Mr. Green, Green, Green, Green Games.

Hey, good job tonight.

Mr. MST3, Clay, Mr. Da Dead, wherever you went to.

That was a very funny call.

Also, all our friends over at Syndicate Radio, thanks a lot for tuning in.

We really enjoyed having Mr. Zolar in.

Hey, Zolar didn't call in.

Well, anyway.

Yeah, he said he was out there, yeah.

Really good to see you.

What happened?

Well, he might have had to take a smoke break, and he pinched him off a hoe somewhere, so he might be busy.

Pinched him off a hoe.

We'll get more on that later.

He pinched him off a hoe.

Okay.

All our friends over at Syndicate Radio, thanks a lot.

Try gone, all you idiots over there that I don't remember.

But, hey, we love you anyway.

Thanks a lot for tuning in.

Good job.

Good job, everybody.

Also, I'd like to thank you, especially our listeners, our friends, our lovers of this crazy styling.

We call it Madhouse 98.6 The Mouth because it's all about you, our listeners.

We pay every week so that you can tune in to the most interactive, fun, crazy radio show that can't cause music, talk, tech, you name it.

It's all here.

There's something for everybody.

Everybody, don't miss out on the next exciting episode of The Madhouse.

That's right, every Thursday night, 10 p.m. Eastern.

And what would we do without our fearless leader, our maestro of fun,

our leader, the Generalissimo, the militia of The Madhouse, Generalissimo Carlito.

God bless you and thank you so much for all you do, keeping us alive and fun.

Also, bless you too, Miss C, Miss Athena, Miss Carlito, Mrs. Carlito.

That's over there.

I know you're listening.

All the kitty cats out there.

Thanks for tuning in.

You're dirty cats aren't listening.

You've got five minutes to report the bet.

Your cats don't care.

Yeah, thank you, Milkman.

I appreciate it.

Thanks to Wilson Loser and thanks to everyone who called in.

No Jonathan tonight.

He had an early day tomorrow like I do.

And I posted a link in the chat room to the diagram on how to inject caverject into your weapon.

it you're so you're so it doesn't look bad oh my god i do not want to inject that part of my body

god no forget that no thank you you have to like have a four skin or a five skin or is that a

requirement or is that an option or how's that work you need a zero skin man they weren't used

well if you got a five skin then you may have some problems there you get five skin you get

too many skins my friend at least you gotta turn down the skins all right let's talk about ruffled

five skin god damn it all right we're out of here everybody thank you for listening

anyway for those listening on syndicate radio.tv

thank you

be sure to listen tomorrow night

something will be on

something will make you happy

no hook nose unfortunately

because his mouth is in pain

if you're listening on the madhouse radio network

be sure to stay tuned for the conference special

from

what was that

August of 2007

I think it was before August

last year

last summer

It was a summer, actually.

It was a summer.

Hilarious.

Don't miss out.

And, yeah, other than that, we'll catch you here next week.

Thank you, everybody who called in, who tried to call in.

And it was a pretty good show tonight.

We had fun.

I'm really hoping Recklood will show up.

We haven't heard from Recklood in a very long time.

I hope he's doing good.

We need to find Recklood.

Putting out a big, big magical call to Recklood.

Recklood, come in.

He's going to report next week, Carlito.

We just got a message.

Oh, he did?

Oh, good, good.

Awesome.

Woo-hoo.

I believe it, too.

And thanks, Ted, Milkman, Baz, Todd, Brandon Vegas was in here earlier, anybody else who

I forgot, Kokanee, thank you, all of you, thank you, thank you, everybody who was in

here.

I know I'm forgetting somebody.

Todd.

We have an oil-flame person friend that called in.

Prankhall.info.com.

Good luck figuring it out.

Madhouse Radio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you!

Fuck you fucking piece of shit!

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (21, 49 min of 2 h 13 min)

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