2008-03-06 Show

Who the fuck is this?

Fucker, who is this?

You are listening to the Madhouse Radio Podcast.

Who the fuck is this?

Let's get stupid.

We're going to get stupid tonight, motherfucker.

Hitler's here.

Milkman is here.

We're all here.

Good evening, everybody.

Madhouse Radio is starting up.

Late as usual.

Fashionably late, as I always like to say.

We're having some buffer problems, unfortunately.

So, hopefully the stream should not be buffering any longer.

Please let me know immediately if there's any buffer problems.

If you hear buffering, like if we sound like we're like, like if you hear that, let us know immediately, and I'll try to fix it.

Anyway.

All that means is that there's a mild case, mild case.

Yeah, well, I mean, if it's Milkman, you hear buffering, that's just normal.

If it's me, then you know something's up.

If Milkman's audio is chopped, that's part of the joke.

That's why we, it's Thursday night.

Thursday night, March the 6th of 2008.

And it's time for some prank calls.

It's time for some fun.

It's time to enjoy ourselves.

In the studio here tonight via satellite link up, I have the following people.

First of all, none other than the man himself, Milkman.

Milkman, what is up, bro?

Yes, my brother, my hermano.

It's Carlito, man.

We're here to kick off a wild night of high jinks and cranks right here in the Madhouse 98.6.

And speaking of that, I'm going to pop on off in celebration of the moment.

Are you ready, my friend?

Are you ready?

Give me a countdown.

Countdown.

Countdown?

Three.

Three?

Okay, three, two, one.

Yeah.

All right.

That's what I'm talking about.

All right, good, good.

All right, well, everybody's here with us tonight, all our listeners.

We don't have...

It's cold gross, my friends.

I'm going to tell you the truth, man.

Tonight is a slow night.

Not many people are listening.

I think it's just one of those off nights.

SyndicateRadio.tv, of course.

Everybody over there.

We have a few here.

It's a pain in itself, Air Force One.

Whoa.

That's some serious shit, dude.

You know that, right, Milkman?

When Air Force One is hanging out.

Oh, hell yeah.

Yeah.

Watch out for the bus, George Bush.

That's a good movie, though.

Air Force One, remember, where Han Solo was the president, and he told the guy to get

off his plane, and he kicked him out, and he took his parachute off, and he jumped after

him.

The president didn't, and he was beating him up on the way down, and then at the last

Last minute, President Han Solo pulled his ripcord and the parachute went out

and he floated nice and safe down into the hills of California.

That was a beautiful movie.

Houston, we have a problem.

That's exactly what it is.

Of course, we also have Tuck.

The Tuck is here.

How are you, the Tuck?

Tug.

That's right.

We called him Tug last week.

Big Tug.

Tug's over there tugging on one.

Big Tug.

Now, Tug One is here.

Hey, Tug, how you doing, man?

All right, Tug's not talking.

Baz is here.

Baz, are you present?

Yes.

I am present.

All right.

And accounted for.

Present and accounted for.

Pleasantly present.

That's right.

Yes, sir.

All right.

I'd like to thank everybody.

Nunu.

Thank you for that.

I'd like to thank Nunu.

Of course, Lonesome Losers out here confirming numbers away.

That's good.

You're going to like that.

I've got to bring the mic down here, dude.

I'm like talking up to the mic.

The hardest working man.

The numbers hill man.

And all of Prank Calls.

He's a pretty cool guy.

Don't give him any shit in the chat room.

Anyway, so yeah, not many people listening, but whatever.

I don't care.

We're still going to do prank calls.

We're still going to have fun.

We'll get to news later.

We're going to raid so much cane, they're all going to tune in to find out what the hell the problem is over here.

And why ain't they here yet?

That's something racist.

Okay, we got Burger Kings.

We got Jack in the Box, Hardee's, Arby's, TCBY, Radio Shack.

uh we got kinky young blondes all right a redneck woman answered a kinky young blondes

we got the chiba hut the chiba hut interesting chang's chinese fast food let's call chang's

chinese uh chang's chinese like i said that right chang's chinese fast fast food that's the one

we're going to call just a moment folks the first the first prank call of the night chang's chinese

Chinese fast food coming up in just a moment.

Hours are from 11 a.m.

She did not rehearse that one.

Yeah, she's not a good, she should stay away from radio, leave it to the pros like me.

Yeah, hey.

Hey guys, out there in video land, check this out.

All those of you watching out there, this is the Heineken K cam from last week.

week i'm actually i just i got tired of the foam and whatnot so i'm i'm just drinking straight out

of the keg now stick the straw here and i pull the lever and listen to it sounds like i'm hitting

it sounds like when i'm done with it it sounds like i'm hitting a bong to check this out for

that instant nice uh it's like it's like a main line into my mouth of beer heineken premium light

it's a very nice brewer i like it all right let me check and see what's going on in syndicate here

just drinking straight out of the thing it's almost done i've been sipping on it here

For the last week

You know, I fill a glass

Maybe like one glass a day

But I figured I

You had that thing mobile the other night

Didn't you, Armando?

Yeah, I did

I did

Oh, that was a long one right there

Right at you

That's a long one right there

So, yeah

Is the Mercedes Madhouse mobile hitting your way?

Alright

I had something I wanted to say

Oh, go ahead

Say something, sir

Hey, you know that new call you put up

The bucket of boners?

Yes

Where he said he can't tell what that guy's saying?

yeah what's he saying do you know okay yeah i was listening to it right after you said you're

one of those he says yeah i'm one of those one of those fucking foreigners is that what he says

he really says i'm pretty sure man listen to it am i that dense that i couldn't figure that out

i probably am that stupid that i couldn't figure that out hang on let me listen to that now

oh that's stupid it sounds it sounds like he's saying you're one i'm one of those bucket of

boners this is i'm one of those fucking foreigners all right hang on let's listen

listen okay let's analyze that dude man not talking dude uh baz if you figure that out

you get a gold star man i'm telling you you get you get five gold stars shit five gold stars all

right this is the sun this is the call hearing question how close are you to here five minutes

away i just gotta get the wheelchair i'll be there can i talk to the guy back there maybe

let me ask him in person that's okay bro bro i was asking for a gristle sandwich is that possible

this time of night well you know when you make the steak right take that spatula you scrub all

all that stuff off the off the grill you take a piece of white bread and you fold it in half

and you run it long wise along the spatula and you take a slice of america cheese you put it

right down the half who is this this is ralph littlejohn where are you coming coming from my

house sir i mean you know because i'm samoan doesn't mean i'm a piece of i'm not i'm not

i'm samoan but i'm a samoan oh you're one of those i don't know it sounds like it says bucket

Bucket of boners.

I don't know.

Are you sure?

It sounds like bucket of boners.

He said bucket of boners.

I really think it's bucket of boners.

Let's try it again.

Get the madhouse consensus.

I'm Samoan.

I'm a Samoan.

One of those.

Man, maybe you're right.

I guess I can't see it or I can't hear it.

Oh, you're one of those.

You know, that sounds kind of like a...

Go ahead.

Yeah, no, that sounds kind of like a distant relative of recluse.

Listen to how he's, like, saying his words.

You're one of those.

Bucket of Boners.

Swear to God, he's saying Bucket of Boners.

Yeah, I'm a lot of those Bucket of Boners.

I don't know, maybe.

Bucket of Boners.

Maybe he meant to say, and then, who's saying this?

DC Loke is saying Bucket of Boners is Croatian for fucking foreigners.

Sorry, there's the answer right there.

That's all it is.

That's right.

Now that we know the truth.

Figure that out.

Okay.

So.

They're the gold star.

Yeah.

Croatian Italian.

That's something.

That's a mix right there.

Croatian and Italian.

crazy heretic says he says fucking foreigners man i must be i must be retarded if i can't hear

that seriously we people i'm gonna have to change the whole title of the stupid prank call because

now it makes no sense no don't change it that's funny huh no because it does sound i mean it does

sound like he's saying that but i think he's really saying what i said bucket of boners uh

fucking foreigners yeah all right we'll keep it as it is i won't go too crazy about it man

I think Bucket of Boners is an excellent choice.

Bucket of Boners?

Yeah, I love Bucket of Boners.

I'm a Bucket of Boners.

All right, cool.

I'm a barrel of laughs.

That's like another way of saying it.

I'm a fucking Bucket of Boners here.

Anyway, Croatian, Italy, or neighbors?

Well, that shows you how much I know and how well American school I am that I didn't even know that.

I didn't know Croatia touched Italy at all.

Man, am I stupid.

Man, am I American.

Croatian.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Okay, so, continuing on.

The next prank call tonight here is coming from Lonesome Loser.

Thank you, Lonesome.

This is for Daglio's Cheese Steaks and Hoagies.

Yeah.

Daglio's Cheese Steaks and Hoagies.

All right, we're going to call now.

After, well, I've got to find a prank call here.

Or I've got to find a song here to play first.

Just a moment.

Man, I'm not feeling this show tonight.

I think I'm going to stop early.

I'm just, I'm telling you now.

I know I say this every week.

What the heck?

But I think this is the week that I may.

I mean there's like nobody listening

I got 10 people on the mouth

I got 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

Let's see where Cynic is

Is this the same thing?

I don't know

Is this happening sometimes?

I got 15

That's 23 live

How many do we have on

How many people do we have on Justin.TV?

Anybody know?

21 was our last report

21

So we got a total of 40

About 40, 40 and a half listeners

Well you know about 4.5

I'd say an average of maybe 41, 42, 43 listeners or something like that.

Okay.

I guess that's not too bad.

All right, so we'll trot along here.

Oh, we got El Pollo Loco, too.

The crazy chicken.

Yes.

Anyway, so we're causing it.

Yeah, those are all over out here, man.

They got some good munchies, bro.

Yeah, they got turned into Pollo Tropical over here.

Pollo Loco used to be the original one, and now it's Pollo Tropical, which means tropical.

Oh, okay.

It's still El Pollo Loco here, man.

Is it?

That's very queer.

I don't have any music to play here, dude.

This sucks.

Let me try to find something real quick.

I guess I'll play this.

All types of trouble here tonight in the mouth.

Anyway, the next prank call of the night coming up, it's, I don't know, cheesesteaks and hoagies.

I'll figure it out.

Maybe Jack Masterson will join us.

Here we go.

Jeeper says he says, I'm one of those fucking boners.

I'm one of those fucking boners.

Maybe that's what he says.

I'm one of those fucking boners.

Because he's Italian.

He's like, I'm one of those fucking boners.

Oh, you're one of those.

No, that's a hard B, man.

I hear two hard Bs.

Oh, you're one of those.

That's so stupid.

One of those bucket boners.

Bucket boners.

Whatever.

Why are we still talking about that?

Jesus.

All right.

That's available for download at the Madhouse Forums, which are back now.

The Madhouse Forums.

MadhouseLive.com forward slash forums.

I have exclusive pranks you can't get anywhere else.

You can submit prank requests not only to me but to everybody on the forums, all the Madhouse listeners.

If you want not just me but anybody else, any of our talented listeners and crew members here to try pranking for you, by all means.

Also keep in mind I did recently update the request to prank form.

There's a lot more options.

You can add international calls and you can also request to have your caller ID spoofed when we do a prank call for you.

That's all there at the website at madhouselive.com.

You know, I haven't given out any information tonight.

Let me stroke my cock here for a little while.

The toll-free line is 1-888-278-8509.

Again, that's toll-free anywhere in the United States and Canada, 888-278-8509.

You can also reach me on AOL and Yahoo and send Messenger Madhouse Radio.

Again, if you're using AOL or Yahoo Messenger, Madhouse Radio.

If you're using MSN Messenger, Madhouse at live.com.

Again, that's for MSN Messenger users, Madhouse at live.com.

Did want to mention that Reclude made contact with me earlier tonight,

said he will try to be making an appearance here in about an hour from now.

So that'll be fun.

Hopefully we do hear Big Reclude on the line here soon.

Maybe he'll entertain us with some more prank calls as usual.

Speaking of a bucket of boners,

Where the hell is that crazy raccoon man?

He's been busy.

He's been in the studio, he says, so he's been busy.

Anyway, I promised a prank call, so here we go.

Right, cheesesteaks and hoagies.

Wait a minute.

Yes, no, yes.

I don't know.

Am I ready?

Milkman, am I ready?

Yes, I am.

Three, two, one, and action.

Yes.

All right, good.

Thank you.

Good evening.

Thank you for choosing Daglia's.

This is Katie.

How can I help you?

Katie.

What do you want?

What can I get for you?

Your cheesesteaks, you use butter on it?

I can.

Is it the, it's like the squeeze butter, right?

Yep.

Do you want to add some garlic to the butter?

Absolutely.

Okay, so how do you make this on the, you put cheese?

Like the cheesesteak, explain it to me.

You put cheese, right?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, so I want it with extra cheese.

Okay, and what kind of cheese did you want?

You got provolone?

What American cheese was or provolone?

Provolone.

Okay, and did you want a 9 or a 12 inch?

12.

Did you want caramelized onions on that?

No, no, no.

them uh here's the deal we want the cheese right the cheese i want the garlic like the garlic

butter when i garlic to the garlic butter i would like some do you have any marinara sauce

absolutely all right we'll put that on there and then do you have any like a sausage or pepperoni

i don't what kind of meats you have well you got the steak meat right i'm sorry you got the steak

meat yeah okay so we'll take the bread on the bread we'll put marinara sauce and then provolone

cheese on top, and then we'll put the steak meat on top of it. Okay. And then put it in

the oven until it's done. Okay. What would you call that? A cheesesteak with a toasted

bun. That's not a cheesesteak. If you had any brains, you'd know that that's a pizza,

you know? No, not really. It's a pizza sandwich. How long have you been doing this for? About

like a year, maybe? I'm sorry, can you hold on just one second, please? Okay. Chuck, what

What does she do to get a job there answering the phone?

Who's this?

Masterson.

The Lenten Masterson.

Describing the sandwich that I wanted, and she's just making assumptions that it's a cheesesteak.

I want a pizza sandwich.

I was hoping we could get that on here.

Pizza sandwich.

Right.

Well, don't tell me you can't do it because I described the whole process to her,

and she said all along, yes, yes, we can do that, yes, we can do that, yes, we can do that.

Okay.

Well, what is it?

Oh, man.

You get the bread, right?

Right? You put marinara sauce and garlic butter on cheese, and then you put, I said pepperoni, but she's like, no, we don't have pepperoni.

Is that a real or a lie?

No, we don't have pepperoni.

It's not a real?

We have no pepperoni.

You're sure it's not a real? It's a lie or a real?

We have no pepperoni.

Well, I'm asking, is it a real or not?

Is it a real?

You keep answering my question with a statement.

Isn't that what you're supposed to do? I don't know what you're saying. Is it real? We do not have pepperoni.

Is it a real, sir?

You do not have pepperoni.

Is it a real or no?

Is it a real or is it a lie?

The statement is, you have pepperoni.

Is it a real?

No, we do not.

We do not have pepperoni.

Let me say it again.

We do not have pepperoni.

You're supposed to say yes or no.

You've never said no or yes.

You keep answering me with a statement.

What does do not mean?

Is it a real?

Say that.

Do not.

It is not a real.

That's all you have.

I don't know what a real...

What the hell are you talking about a real?

Do I need to look up...

What's a real?

Why don't you turn around and ask any customer who's there

what the word real means and see what they tell you.

I know what real means.

I don't know what a real means.

They'll say you're a real jerk.

That's what they'll say.

Okay.

Because you're pushing me around on the phone.

I don't like bullies.

How am I pushing around on the phone?

You asked me, do you have pepperoni?

I said, no, we do not.

And I said, is it a real or is it a lie?

And you're like, no.

I said, it is not.

We don't have pepperoni.

You know, sir, just because...

I don't know what you want me to tell you.

I'm Croatian-Italian, all right?

Good.

I'm one of those bucket of boners

That's how you're gonna treat me

Like I'm one of those bucket of boners

I don't know what you want

You ask me if we have a pizza sandwich

We don't

We can make something

But we don't have pepperoni

Well do I have to

So what else do you have

That's ham like

What else comes from the

I don't know

We got the parma pizza

We got capicola

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa

What's this

Last time I checked

I'm a citizen of the United States

What's this capicola

What's that

What

What is this

I had to abort that call

Going fucking nowhere man

That was fun though

Northern Florida?

What was that?

Kola in Northern Florida.

Kappa Kola.

I don't know, can you?

You can get Kappa Kola anywhere, right?

Kappa Kola, that's Northern Florida, right?

You can get Kappa Kola anywhere.

Madhouse Radio.

Yes?

You sound Asian.

Oh, no, I'm not Asian.

Oh, you are?

That's good.

How you doing, sir or ma'am?

Oh, much better.

Very good.

I am Croatian, actually.

What Croatian?

Croatian Italian or just Croatian?

No, just Croatian.

Croatiaia touches Italy, is that true?

Pure manner.

The nasty part.

Well, hey, man.

Thanks for calling in.

I'm going to do a call.

Okay.

Do you listen on the podcast or what?

You said this is your first time live, right?

Yeah.

This is my first time live.

Okay.

I'm going to listen to you.

Good.

What do you think?

A lot more music, right?

What?

It's not the same listening on the podcast, listening live.

It's not.

No.

It's different.

It's a slow night tonight, but we're having fun.

You want to do a prank call?

Yeah.

Do you have any...

Do you prefer a restaurant or what do you...

No, I can do anything, man.

I got...

What kind of voice do you want?

Do you want a little kid?

Do you want a girl?

Should we do, uh, we do, uh...

Asian.

I like the Asian.

The Asian voice you just did right now, but just not as childish, might be kind of cool.

Oh, I can do Asian, too.

No problem.

There you go.

All right, here.

We'll call the Hong...

Let's do, maybe call, you have a tiring restaurant?

Tiring?

I got a Hong Kong...

I've got the Hong Kong Dragon Fast Food.

We can try that one, too.

Oh, yeah.

I could talk, uh...

I'll start talking in some kind of gibberish, and they don't understand.

They'll probably...

You'll probably say something that they'll start nodding in agreement to politely.

Okay, Hong Kong Dragon...

Uh, Hong Kong Dragon Fast Food.

but it's in North Hollywood, California.

And you're Hollywood Vangia, so there you go, man.

There it is.

It's fucking there, man.

All right, we'll be right back after this segment.

Here's an idea.

You got exotic male strippers here.

Ooh, that would be great.

We can call that looking for your dad.

Is your daddy there?

There you go.

Exotic strippers, everybody.

You're going by Hollywood Vangia.

Is that your name?

All right, cool.

Hollywood Vangia is here.

Hollywood Vagina.

Just a moment.

I'm kidding.

This is a Spanish chicken restaurant.

Hollywood also.

Try this again.

Thank you for hanging in there.

In English, but in a moment, a representative will assist you monetarily.

My name is Roxana, how may I help you?

Taking orders tonight?

Yeah, but we have only the, for pickup.

I'll be there in like 20 minutes. Place my order right now, though.

Number?

Um, I would like to get a, um, a large burrito burger and some taquito fries.

And do you have, like, the, uh, the liters of drinks?

I need your information first because, uh...

Yes, I've been there before, yes, I have.

Yes, but that's what I want.

I want the burrito burger and the taquito fries and a large two-liter.

Do you have Dr. Pepper?

Yes, I have the Dr. Pepper.

Okay, great.

How much is that?

Okay, I can see this one because I need your phone number and your name.

Yes, it's on the caller ID.

I just got my phone today.

I don't know what the number is, so you should have it on your caller ID.

But how much is that?

Okay, let me see this.

Ma'am, I'm very hungry.

I've been stripping all night, and I'm very hungry.

I need to get something in my body before I pass out.

I'm getting the shakes right now.

I will be there in five minutes.

Just how much do I need to bring with me?

Okay, yeah, but I need your name.

Don't give me the runaround, ma'am.

I need to know how much it is right now.

Hurry.

Ring it up, please.

I can't tell you this because I need your name because I can't see this.

My name is Summer Johnson, okay?

I've been there 15 times.

times remember me don't you you did roxanna yes yeah remember me it's summer summer big johnson

now listen i need to come there like in five minutes i'm i'm really shaky right now how much

is it going to be i need to know how much to bring with me i only have all that's all i made all

night that's sorry but i need what's taking so long please tell me how much you need to bring

i'm gonna run in get it come right back out five dollars fifteen dollars how much is a

a taquito fries. A

taquito, okay.

Can I get a large order with some polo sauce on the side?

Okay, yeah, but, okay, hold on one second.

Ma'am, I'm just going to talk to my boyfriend, okay?

Ma'am, you're giving me the runaround.

I'll make my boyfriend get out of you.

I just want the price.

Jose, are you there?

Yeah, I need the information.

Yeah, I have it right now.

Hey, where's so much information?

Information.

Why you taking the order?

She said she want the food.

Yeah, but where do you want, because where?

Where do you want?

With your store.

The store on the...

The what?

The Boulevard, what?

The Sunset Crescent Heights.

It's not that.

She said she want information.

Where's so much information?

My information?

I'm Summer Big Johnson.

I have your information, but where do you want from where?

I told you I want a- a burrito burger, taquito fries, and a-

I usually-

Where?

You have diet-

I pick it up from- I'm picking it up from-

That's where?

Diet Pepsi, what do you have?

Which one do you have, Diet Pepsi?

A Diet Coke with lemon.

Maybe Diet Coke.

Who for the money?

Sarita!

Checkbook!

Write down what she say.

Okay, how much is it, ma'am?

Give me a number.

Okay.

Maybe she understand you say that.

Say oh-

Checko?

For the-

She get ready to write that check.

Who for the ha-

Knowing, ma'am.

On down her-

On her.

Answer now.

Awesome voice, but you sound like the stripper.

Very stripper-like voice.

Good deal.

I think I know where that's actually located at, too.

So that's actually a good call, man.

Milkman says he knows where that's located.

Shit, dude.

Hey, let me ask you real quick.

When did you find the podcast?

How long ago?

How long have you been listening to it?

Probably about...

Found you originally on my Trio phone.

Some of the podcasts...

Long, right?

They've got some of the...

Later, lately, they've been like two hours long and stuff.

I don't know.

Great.

I have an hour and a half drive one way every day.

Oh, God.

I just...

Oh, that sucks, man.

An hour and a half every day.

And we had like...

We got three a day.

Midwest or, like, north?

You got snow down there already this late?

Yeah.

Holy shit, it's 70 degrees here right now.

70 degrees in the foreigners, what Milkman's telling me.

He's in the Hollywood area.

He's north of L.A., I guess.

I'm about 20 minutes away from that restaurant.

From the restaurant, he says.

He says he remembers.

He knows where it is.

Well, Milkman, hell, we got to get you to go there.

You got me a burrito, a huge one, in the Mexican place.

I was going to eat that.

The show, that's my dinner.

I haven't had...

Dude, there's a Monster Ranchero burrito there.

it's huge

Chipotle used to be

owned by McDonald's

they've got some

big burritos there

man

those are huge

they're like a brick

it's like

okay

anyway

hey

you want to try to

call that lady back

or you got to go

alright cool

hey man thanks

this is good stuff

you're a pretty good

pranker man

and it's the voices

that do it man

so cool

alright

we're calling back

to Pollo Loco

Loco.com

that is

G-Star was closed

right after

Roxanna

yeah outside

Sitting in the Dodge Stratus

Milkman is talking

But he's chopping

I've got a

I've got a Sushi Don

Sitting in the Dodge Stratus

Sushi Don Sassaboon

This is in

Studio City, California

If you want to do one more

This is I guess

This is a Japanese

Can anybody else join this?

No, nobody else

No

I can only do one

One person at a time

Is everybody logged off?

Yeah

No, no

People are

On the phone

They can't

You can't hear them

They can hear you

But you can't hear them

Yeah, it's a complicated thing

It will cost me a lot of money

For me to make it happen

and I just don't have that kind of money or support or stuff.

I'll send you a check for a dollar.

Hey, that's the start.

We'll put it in the piggy bank right there,

and soon enough we'll make it so you can hear Milkman.

Who wants to hear Milkman?

Who wants to hear Milkman anyway?

He doesn't bring anything to the thing.

He's crying.

My mom said the Milkman was my daddy.

I don't know if that's the same one or not.

No, this one's been around, this Milkman.

Yeah, he might very well may be.

He spread his seed all over this fine country, parts of South America.

All right, anyway, one more from Hollywood Vanja.

This is Sushi Don Sassaboon, I guess, Sushi, whatever.

It's a sushi place in California also.

Just a moment.

Listen, Bill Withers here.

I'm on my way there from Quest.

I'm not in it.

I don't want to walk in the restaurant.

Can't be come for kids.

What do you think, sir?

That's not any kind of question you should be.

Some people just...

Well, I'm not who I am.

I'm not talking about that.

Sir, this is not funny. I'm trying to be very serious with you.

And you're laughing?

I mean, the spider rolls, we don't have any.

Who are you voting for this year?

I'm just asking you, you know where we are.

I'm asking you a simple question.

I'm just asking you where we are.

You're voting for that terrorist Obama, aren't you?

I knew it.

Yes, yes.

I know it's not done because he's not coming to me.

Who are you going to vote for this year?

Not Barack Obama, and I do not...

Anybody, because I'm not a citizen, so I can't.

Who would you vote for if you were a citizen?

I don't know.

I've never heard of that.

Green card.

Which means I'm a regal citizen.

That Green Day guy.

Excuse me, can I have a video?

Would you hold on a second?

You're going to videotape me now?

How can you videotape me on my phone?

That Japanese technology thing going?

He's not a regal citizen.

Going anywhere?

Yeah, it's very good, actually.

Let's see if he comes back.

Can I drink on your property, sir?

But is that a drink on a non-citizen?

This is sushi restaurant.

You said it last call.

Bring me a salmon and a vodka.

Mixed between George W. Bush and Bill Clinton there.

That's kind of cool.

I liked it, man.

He's like, I'm not a regal citizen.

I'm a regal citizen or whatever.

I have a great clue to play the call.

Feel free to call in any time you want to call in.

Do so.

If you want, I'll send you the prank sheeted tonight by email.

Just send me your email address.

Mail me and remind me or whatever.

I'll get you MP3s of the three calls you do.

Wee.

That was cool.

Good voices and a pretty funny guy.

The ring's already ringing already.

Matt House, you're on the air.

What's up, Carl?

Jonathan.

What's going on?

Come on, who's this?

Jonathan.

Oh, okay.

I thought it was you.

Are you okay, man?

You sound a little down.

I'm just real tired from the day.

Yeah, me too.

I had a bad day.

You know what happened to me, Jonathan?

What happened?

I get off of work.

I get home.

My friend calls me and says he needs to meet me.

We need to trade something, all right?

So I'm like, all right, no problem.

problem it's raining like crazy i said all right and i absolutely need to get this to him by

tonight so i drive 25 minutes the other side of town to go meet him and he calls me and he's like

yeah i was on the way and i got rear-ended so you might as well just go back home and i'll call you

back later i'm like all right fine no problem my car is about a quart or quart low on oil

and i'm at a 7-eleven so i bought a quart i bought a quart of pens oil and i put put it in my car i

I left the fucking cap off of the oil, the oil cap, I left it off, I completely forgot about it,

so I'm driving home, 25 minutes worth of driving, and I've got the AC on, and I'm starting to smell

what, what smells to me like either gas, or like burning oil, and I'm like, oh man, don't tell me I

left the cap off of this thing, and I get home, and sure enough, I drove all the way home without

an oil cap on my engine oil all over the top of the of the of the hood you know the inside of the

hood i lost all the oil in the car so then i had to get in a phoenix i had to get in a phoenix car

and i had to go to the auto parts to buy oil and buy a new cap and had to stand in line for a long

time got home did that and then it was time for me to go all the way to the other part of town

again to meet my friend he finally got his car his he his girlfriend's car got rear-ended it's

It's all messed up.

It's just been a crazy, and I got home in just enough time to get ready for the show,

so I haven't even unwinded.

I'm just frazzled, so it's a long night.

Indeed, I know how you feel, man.

Yeah, I've been working on buses all day today.

Yeah, buses, huh?

Okay, that's cool.

How are the buses treating you?

Good?

Yeah, I got mine back.

Oh, you did?

That's what I heard.

I heard you say it's been in and out of the shop.

Well, that's something, man.

Well, Jonathan, I don't know what else to say.

What's been going on with the Lost Boys lately?

Anything?

I'll let Amy Rosen know about that.

She's the one in charge of that stuff.

Okay.

Well, just a suggestion.

Just a suggestion for you.

The only other thing that I wanted to bring up to you is the forums.

You know, we have the new forums out there at madhouselive.com forward slash forums.

Thank you for registering, Jonathan.

You were the first person to post in there.

I thought that was awesome.

Since you're usually the first person to call in every week.

Although lately that's not the case.

You've been slacking.

I'm just kidding.

It's okay.

You're still calling in.

but that was awesome thank you for registering everybody go to the forums register post like i

said this prank calls on or you can't find anywhere else on the site you have to go in there

i've got video of the dead up there new video of the dead is in there right got some other cool

articles things that i've stumbled across during the week and uh why not fuck it why not just do

it um jonathan the only other thing i wanted to say have you ever are you on justin.tv have you

ever been on it have you heard of it before never well we're on it tonight for the first time you

should check it out go to justin.tv forward slash manhouse radio anybody's listening now try to go

in there because what we're trying to do we should be able to get a whole shitload of music here

new listeners here soon i say music is about to play music and uh the more people who are in there

the more we can get promoted so go into the justin.tv room justin.tv forward slash manhouse

house radio just turn the volume down if you want there's a separate chat room and stuff like that

but anyway help us out there jonathan try to go in there i think you'll like it all right man

all right jonathan say hi to your fans and listeners here real quick please if you could

all right jonathan get some rest man you sound down get yourself some sleep we're almost at

the weekend call in sick tomorrow you got my permission all right i'll talk with y'all later

all right jonathan something's up with jonathan i don't know i'm worried about jonathan man

Can you hear it in his voice?

It's just something.

It's not.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, Ted.

Ted, are you in?

We lost Baz.

We gained Ted.

Ted, turn your mic on, buddy.

Make sure you're not muted or something.

I don't know.

Can you hear me now?

Yeah, I hear you now.

What's up, brother?

How you doing?

Welcome to the show.

I'm all right.

Not bad.

Hanging in there.

Trying to make do with what I got.

Just a moment here while I'm going to play a little bit of this song.

You got to make do with what you got.

You got nothing to do with it.

That's it.

Hell yeah.

You know?

That's what Dr. Dre would say.

We've got a bunch of numbers here for the UK that we're going to try calling here soon.

Thank you, Mr. Webster.

Your name is Mr. Webster.

Thank you, Mr. Webster.

Mr. Webster.

Web, web, web.

How you doing, Milkman?

Good to see you, my old friend.

Glad to see you and hear you in fine spirit.

Yeah, you guys love each other.

Aww.

Oh, I'm bisexual.

I'm fabulous.

All right.

Let's call the UK.

Oh, Milkman, for me to call the UK, I need to get that international card.

I lost it again.

Stop it.

I already sent you the card.

I always lose it.

I never write it down, and it's just easier for me to get you to find it.

All right, big boy, I'll send it now.

Hold on.

Stop talking like that.

Jesus.

Hi.

God, God.

Bad Boys of Iowa is asking.

Don't make fun of me.

Bad Boys of Iowa says, can't believe you gave up on sin.

All right, ladies, let me bring this up.

Anybody who's listening on the mouse stream right now, we are on Syndicate.

On Syndicate right now, there is a problem.

Stickham, or Stickham, whatever the hell it is, has a problem, and it's not showing us as live.

I have this confirmed.

There's a very small crowd in Syndicate because the Stickham service is experiencing some trouble, some downtime.

So we are on there, but it's very hard for people to be able to.

they are sticking it

only a few people

are able to listen

to the show

at this moment

it's only working

for some people

some people

it's not working

so thank you Syndicate

those few of you

who are listening

you're listening on Syndicate

that's great

the rest of you

are listening

however you can

so I'm thinking

maybe this is what's going on

we're just having

technical issues

that are not our fault tonight

you know the buffering

and stuff like that

it's all

Stickcam is

hogging our resources

like crazy

number one

number two

it's not even showing us

as really being online

but I've got confirmed

it's a problem with stick gum we're doing the best we can hopefully it'll resolve itself soon if not

um it just happens in the meantime yes we are on justin.tv because there's a huge huge crowd of

people out there and i noticed that there's two people in particular who do prank calls in there

who really suck and i'm much better than them so i figured i if they they're successful why can't i

be successful so then i do it anyway isn't that great ted how's your week been man tell us ted

Ted, what do you have up to, man?

Anything special?

This week, well, as part of a technical writing class, I had to go to a job fair.

Yeah.

And that was kind of interesting because I already have a job.

Which is good.

I'm looking for another job, but, well, I don't want to leave my current job anyway, so.

Yeah, he's good.

But I had to go.

He's rock.

Let's take this, Conor.

Madhouse Radio, you are on the air.

I had this complaint before.

This one time, this dog on my show, a dog jumped out.

Big shit that he jumped out and jumped out over a bridge into the water below.

Survived but got eaten by an alligator.

Can't be the same one.

Bad boys of Ohio that I'm talking to.

What's up, man?

I know.

I always joke with you.

What's up, man?

Good to talk to you, bro.

That's cool.

No, so why bad boys?

There's more than one of you or are you just talking about your balls?

No, I'm not.

Okay.

I mean, we're all...

Okay.

You guys are playing.

Is that your clan or something?

Do they call the bad boys of Iowa?

Is that what you do?

Two weeks ago for the first time.

I'll tell you, it just about convinced me to maybe go for a PlayStation 3 instead of the Xbox 360.

Yeah, I'm not real happy with that 360.

Yeah, you know, I was at the grocery store yesterday, and the guy's like,

how you doing, some kid.

I was like, I'm good, how are you?

He's like, not too good.

This morning my Xbox 360 got the red ring of death.

I was like, oh, man, I'm so sorry.

And that's like he's about the third person in the last month, personally,

that I know that I've complained about having to send this back to Microsoft under warranty.

Um, no. I think as soon as Final Fantasy comes out, I think I'm going to go ahead and end up buying the PS3.

It's got a fix here in Iowa. We take the shit out of it.

Until it starts working. Until it does what you want it to do.

Yeah, we just throw snow on it and shit, because we like to take a beach.

Wow. So Call of Duty 4, awesome game. Anything else you'd like to play?

I mean, are you not handling it?

No, that's usually what we play all the time.

Okay.

Almost 24-7, because...

What else is big in that PS3 right now that enticed me to buy one?

Call of Duty 4, what else can I do with it?

You got the Blu-ray on there.

All right, you can use the Blu-ray DVD player.

Your big push is the Blu-ray.

No, I don't have to buy an extra dongle or an add-on or something in order to use it, right?

No, no, it's all in there.

It's all in there.

Okay.

Is there remote control for the PS3?

You don't know?

How do you play Call of Duty 4?

I play it on the 360, not on the PS3.

You're playing it on the 360?

It's on both systems?

Son of a bitch.

No kidding.

I think it's just on the 360.

I don't think it's on PS3.

Did the 360 ever get the HD DVD add-on, or that never came out?

Oh, dude.

Yeah, I don't know. I'm pulling something.

All I do is play a couple games on there, and that's about it.

You got to do a lot.

So explain Crawdaddy. You've mentioned this before in the last few weeks.

This is a dude named Crawdaddy?

Yeah, at Walmart. He's a buddy of mine.

Okay. So where did you do your show before? In Shoutcast, or what exactly?

Do you have a site, or a site that you'd maybe want to give out to people?

No, I don't have it up yet. It's two guys, and I need to do this.

Awesome. Okay, cool.

I'm still going to hang out and do a little drinking and see what happens.

All right, fun.

All right, you want to do a prank call?

I've got numbers in England that are ready to be called.

All right, sure, we'll try it.

I'll do the same voice I had.

Okay, do that.

All right, we'll do, let's see here.

I'm going to pick Robin Kiffin.

You're in the chat room now, aren't you?

Yeah.

I'm going to send you the information in an instant message so you know who we're calling.

I'm going to give you a better idea of what we're doing here.

There you go.

So that's Robin Kiffin.

Are you in there as bad boys of Iowa?

Is that you right now?

All right, cool.

So there you go.

All right, cool.

All right, hang on, everybody.

This is the Bad Boys of Iowa.

Do you have anything that you're going to buy other than Bad Boys of Iowa?

That's it.

Staying true to the game.

Here it is, the Bad Boys of Iowa coming up this morning.

Milkman, do you have a non-Chinese-speaking access number?

Appreciate that.

Well, that would be better, man.

Funny.

It's forever.

It's like ching-chong, pong-pong-pong.

It's already fucking gone.

We're going to read it.

I like the actor.

I like the map writer.

That's pretty good.

It's confusing and scary, Milkman.

man. I'll try it one more time. Hang on. Hang on, dude. We're going to call someone else,

all right? Cool. Another British pro. I'll copy-paste you in a second. Go with it, man.

What?

I guess so. All right, the thing I can offer you here is Uncle Tony's. Tony's Italian

Cuisine. All right, Uncle Tony's. We'll try that. We'll give it a nice poke. I

don't know if you know what we're talking about.

It might be an inside joke, but bro.

All right, man.

Hey.

All right, bad boys of Iowa, thank you for calling.

Really, bad boys of Iowa, you shouldn't make a call.

All right, that sucks.

Carl, who else?

Well, my old roommates call me Carl.

Andy calls me.

I'll tell you what.

360, that's gonna be the first thing I do

Right after I get my golden membership to Xbox Live

Whatever, however much that costs

Alright, alright

See you guys

Thanks for calling in, man

Take care

Alright, bro

Alright, cool

Speaking of bros, huh?

Bro, bro, bro

Anyway

There was a prank call that I wanted to play

That I was reminded of before that kind gentleman called

Now someone else is calling

Come on, guys

Why?

Matt House Radio, you're on the air

This is DTT, what's up, Kirby?

DTT, salam alaikum, my brother

How you doing, man?

Fine, how about you?

We're good.

How's everybody?

Good, good.

We're good, man.

How's it been?

Just want to say hello, man.

Good, good.

You going to school still?

Busy, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's getting that time.

But hey, spring break's almost here.

Yeah, I'm already on my spring break.

Oh, you're already on?

Oh, you lucky bastard.

Wow, son of a gun.

Look at that.

I want to say hello to Spike Mike, everybody else in the room.

It's too bad that everybody cannot make it.

Yeah, Stickham is being really weird.

Do you know, you're listening in Stickham.

Is it not coming in for everybody, or is it, like, really jumpy,

or what's going on with it exactly?

Do you know?

You're sounding good.

Okay, I'm sounding good, but it's, I don't know.

I'm just getting people.

It's a little bit low, but I can turn it up.

Yeah, I'll fix that.

A lot of people are saying that they can't actually get in.

Like, it's either freezing up on them, or they.

Is it online, everybody?

Yeah, everybody.

There's only, like, 13, 14, 15 listeners, maybe, if not even that,

right now in Sycamore.

Where's everybody?

I don't know.

There's not many people listening at all tonight.

Maybe everybody's now live or something.

maybe everyone's playing wow you know yeah all right dtt hey yeah thanks for calling in man it's

always good talking to you bro long time listener you've been with us as the first show you're one

of the few yeah carlito um i want to talk to you about the party about the party yeah on next may

we got a confirmed date the last thursday of may will be the party okay of 2009 not this year next

year i know what do you want me to do no i think there's going to be a pretty big number of people

they're just going to meet in philly at the location and i'm probably going to get uh rooms

or something or whatever for those who need to stay the night.

We're going to figure it all out.

It's just going to be just a group.

Because I want to meet you first of all, you know.

You want to meet him first?

Yeah, we could probably meet a few days before maybe or something.

Maybe or something like that because I don't want to get to know you or do anything, you know.

Hey, we'll go out and we'll get some lamb, all right?

Okay, I'll talk to you later.

All right, see you later, DT.

Look at that, man.

The forums, look at that.

There's a video of the dad.

The dad, he's just drinking a lot.

He's on antidepressants and I told him to stop mixing the two.

That's bad news.

He remembers me or no?

Oh, yeah, of course.

Everyone remembers you.

Yeah, yeah.

The dead remembers you.

Of course he does.

He's not even around right now.

I worry about that kid, but he's doing okay.

Maybe me and Dr. Legger.

I think so.

We need intervention, man.

We'll work on that.

Thank you.

All right.

See you, DTT.

Thanks for calling.

Bye-bye.

Long-time fan of the Madhouse Radio Show.

You took the incense, Carlito.

And I tell you, he took the incense.

I think DTT is explaining that the dead has inserted that incense so far into his asshole

that uh it's just it's he just doesn't look right anymore that reminds me speaking speaking of

sticking things in your asshole why don't we listen to stool sample would you like to listen

to that or do i play that too much stool sample is uh still sample part one yeah man all right

all right here we go let's play this i'm a male nurse is he expecting you i mean who

No, Dr. Nargis told me to give him a call with these instructions.

But his doctor is not...

Wrong one.

Let me just mention, I see Eve the Queefer just made it into the syndicatradio.tv room

over on the Stick Cam affiliate.

I heard you got arrested this week or over the weekend or something.

If you can, give a call.

We'd like to hear what happened.

I just heard for the great call in and explain if you have time or if you'd like to.

I am Carlito.

I command it.

But, yeah, exactly.

Now back to the prank call.

Whoever you say it.

It's the specialist, Sam.

His physician forwarded the information on to Dr. Nargis and made the determination of what was going on.

He just wanted to give him a therapy plan.

He needs to practice at home.

Okay, hold on.

Hurry it up.

Hello?

Yes, hello, I'm sorry.

I lost my temper.

Did you have a pen and paper?

Who are you talking to?

I'm trying to leave a message for the instructions for the therapy plan he needs to practice.

Yes, but someone said hurry it up.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Quality assurance thing.

Yeah, we had something that you're supposed to, for the quality of your service, just blah, blah, blah.

Okay, I'm ready.

Breakfast as much fiber as possible, preferably oatmeal and greens.

What kind of greens do you make, if any?

Uh, I'll...

That's Rita, you're on the air.

What's up?

Hey, how you doing? Let me tell you...

Yes, much, very, I'm kidding.

So what happened...

Very much so, you annoying bitch.

No, tell me, I was on the SFN, and I saw that you got arrested.

What happened?

Okay, well, this is the deal.

The Howard Forum thread that Joey Boots started is the most accurate one.

If you start from pages one through three, you'll get the idea of it.

Everybody knows that, yeah, Hollywood, I pace when I'm on the phone.

It's a bad habit.

That's why I'm crazy bipolar nut.

But I've seen his work, like his work, paid for a shoot.

so it was just because work with me and i wanted to work with him and we could get some you know

beautiful pictures out of it okay so photoshoot so you know because hey we got this place in in

lakeville is it i never questioned hey do you have a permit the thought doesn't even enter my

mind like i've got i've got such an innocent mind you know and um believe it or not i never

thought a million years what i was doing was wrong or eagle in there yeah porcelain dolls

Right, and I kind of happened to have one if I was right.

The dress was almost like in tatters.

Girls, white, roughly Jane-strap heels.

It's all black and white photography.

Friends look out the window and said, oh shit, the cops, I mean not the cops, the security vans here.

So we haul off and he says, okay, no big girl lotion.

I'm like, what do I need?

What do I need?

Girl stuff, girl stuff, gotcha.

Yeah.

Tampons.

No, I didn't need tampons.

Girl, the Walgreens with me disappeared.

I guess the police office called already.

The police wiped me up because they didn't see me because I was inside a Walgreens.

Long story even longer, I look outside, and I see the cruisers driving away.

It's a non-story like Hollywood.

I start to say, hey, y'all, I'm with them.

You could have just said, look, I was leaving, and I went to CVS.

Well, I guess maybe the other people were like, no, she says she's coming back kind of thing.

You know, I didn't know these friends very well, and they're great people,

But you never know somebody until something crazy goes down who's going to have your back.

They could have been like, you know, for an eve inside a Walgreens.

And then I could have been in trouble for evading arrest or running or something.

I did the right thing.

And I'm going to be okay.

So bottom line is, you know, it was a photo shoot.

They didn't have a permit and abandoned state property.

So the cops got wind of it and the rest of everyone involved.

Not a big deal.

No, it's not a big deal.

Both misdemeanor counts, misdemeanor trespassing and misdemeanor breaking and entering.

Oh, that's bullshit.

You can get yourself a lawyer, 500 bucks, you can probably get a slap in the wrist,

you can play no contest to, like, disturbing the peace or something.

You'll be all right.

Yeah, that's what I'm going to do.

Well, because of my financial situation and stuff that I'm not too much money,

I have a court-appointed attorney, and that costs me 150 bucks,

and I might have to pay another 150 bucks court fine.

Yeah, we heard this.

Hook knows, told Hook knows about two weeks ago.

Steve Langford calls me last night.

I'm like, what on earth would he be calling me about?

What would Langford want with me?

Not in a million years did I think he'd be asking about the arrest.

Somebody called Langford and dropped.

I'm not an important person.

They did a news story.

They've really been grasping, no offense to you,

but they've really been grasping for straws the last few weeks with news stories.

They have been.

Don't worry, I don't take offense.

You said you had to go quick.

If I could just request, if it's not out of line, if I could request a queef quickly.

Sure, let me get into position and out of cam's way so I don't violate the cam rooms,

because I'm going to give you a, if I blow you a dud, I'm going to do you another, okay?

A dud.

Because I got to, you know, sometimes you got to work yourself into it.

You're so easy to, you love pleasing.

Thank you so much.

I try to do my best.

I'm always, you know, you got to hone your craft, you know?

You got to share the love.

All right, hold on.

There it is.

That was a pretty good one

Yeah, that was good

Alright, Eve, stay out of trouble

Thank you for calling in on such short notice

Oh, no problem

I just wanted to come in and show my love

Okay, take care

Okay, bye-bye, sweetie

That is Eve the Queefa, as I like to call her

Eve the Queefa

Wow

Carly, don't do anything to talk to a lady

There you go

You're a big fan of that one, ain't you?

Oh, yeah

I love it, man

This is a black master tower

Alright, this is a nice thing

That's basically what she's done on the show before.

I was just interested in seeing what happened.

Okay, we're doing the stool sample call.

Let's go here and return to that.

Collards and turnip greens and spinach greens.

Yeah, I do all of those.

Broccoli, the worst.

And he needs to eat as many oranges as possible.

Okay.

Okay, now what this is going to do is it's going to be like a natural colonic for a system.

Okay, now he needs to collect a stool sample after every bowel movement.

Got it.

So do you have the instructions there for the stool sample collection?

Do I have any?

Did his doctor give him any?

Well, I'm not certain, so I'm making sure.

I mean, if he didn't mention it to you, perhaps I should.

No, he hasn't mentioned this to me or that someone would be calling.

That's just not natural that he wouldn't mention this.

That's why I'm asking all of these questions because he never said anything about it.

He just needs to collect a stool sample after every bowel movement and it's very simple.

He's supposed to have carrots.

Do you have any carrots there now or do you need to get them?

The long kind, not the baby carrots.

The long ones please.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Basically, all he does after he has a bowel movement,

he's going to take a carrot and shove it up as far up into his asshole as possible

and then put it in a bag and write the date on the bag.

You got that?

Hello?

Did you get that?

No, I may need to do that.

Well, that's his responsibility.

No, it's his responsibility that you do that because this call is not a natural call.

So you can just go to hell.

Ma'am, don't speak to me like that, please.

Please, I'm a professional.

Well, you don't sound it.

I'm a licensed male nurse.

Yes, okay.

I believe it, too.

Well, I mean, I'm a smart person, and I command a bit of respect in this society.

Excuse me?

I command a bit of respect.

Well, I command a bit also, and I say that you can go to hell.

Now, did you hear that?

Did you hear that commandment?

Do you know?

Do you hell go to hell?

Do you know what the Bible says about Jesus?

Can you hear me?

Do you listen to Jesus?

Do you listen to him?

I sure am.

No, you don't.

Dr. Nargis is a beautiful Catholic.

Good for him.

And I am ordained through the body and blood of Christ to give you these instructions.

Good for him.

About the stool sample, ma'am.

So I expect you wrote them down because there's going to be a quiz at the end of this conversation.

Go to hell.

that's right everybody go to hell yay hell hell is fun yay all right um what else do we have here

let me see what's going on we got a lot we got a bunch of email here from kokanee we got to get

to these news articles here it's uh almost midnight it's 11 45 man what's going on man

i saw information on a new movie that's coming out there's a there's a there's a movie that's

coming out it's a movie with jack black ben stiller and uh robert downey jr being directed

by ben stiller the first movie he's directing since uh zoolander and it's it's it's it's it's

like a comedy of it's a comedic parody of of a vietnam movie is what i understand and robert

downey jr actually plays the part of a black man he his face is painted as a as an african-american

and he's playing the part of a black man i kid you not i forgot the name i think it's it's called

tropic thunder i think it's called tropical thunder or tropic thunder something like that

what is it called let me see here hang on hang on let me see tropic thunder i'm not talking about

the basketball movie he's gonna be iron man too yeah he's gonna be iron man also yeah this this

This one here that I'm talking about comes out in August.

Let's see.

Tropic Thunder.

Here it is.

2008.

Robert Downey Jr. pretends to be black in Ben Stiller film Tropic Thunder.

One of three summer films featuring Robert Downey Jr. including, as you said, Iron Man.

And the third one, which I don't know because I haven't opened the page yet.

I was reading that off of the Google headline.

But no, that sounds funny, man.

Some sleepy little indie movie he did.

Soul Man.

I think it's Soul Man.

Is that what it is?

I don't know.

Anyway, so he said...

What?

Oh.

I don't know.

Oh, you're being...

I don't know.

If it's done right, it could be the type of role you called Peter Sellers to do 35 years ago.

Peter Sellers is a very talented man.

And one of my favorite movies of all time is Dr. Strangelove, which Peter Sellers played four characters in, I believe.

If I'm not mistaken.

I think he played four.

He played the president.

Yeah, something like that.

Yeah.

He played the president.

He played the German...

He played Dr. Strangelove himself.

So if mine flew out, I can walk at the end of it.

He played the British guy at the base.

And who else did he play?

I guess he played a fourth, or maybe he only played three characters in that movie.

I don't know.

I think that was it.

He was supposed to play four.

He was supposed to play the pilot in the plane, but he freaked out, and they give it to Slim Pickens.

Slim Pickens, yeah.

He played Lieutenant Kong or Captain Kong or something.

Kong.

That movie's fucked

That movie's all kinds of fucked

Peter Sellers was supposed to play that role as well

Wow really

Yeah well Peter Sellers

That whole movie is just insane

Actually you know we've got a

I've got a promo for the show

That's actually

It has a dialogue from Dr. Strangelove

Don't I? I think I do

Here we go

This is a Dr. Strangelove promo

Let me play this real quick here

Have a personal transcript of that conversation

If you'd like to read it

Read it

uh yes gentlemen they are on their way in and no one can bring them back for the sake of our

country and our way of life i suggest you get the rest of sack in after that otherwise we will be

totally destroyed by red retaliation uh my boys will give you the best kind of start 1400 megatons

worth and you sure as hell won't stop them now so let's get going there's no other choice god

God willing, we will prevail in peace and freedom from fear

and in true health through the purity and essence of our natural fluids.

God bless you all.

We're still trying to figure out the meaning of that last phrase.

There's nothing to figure out, General Truderson.

This man is obviously a psychotic.

Madhouse Radio is back.

Yes, it is.

Whoa, that's loud.

That movie is in all types of crazy.

Isn't it about a general who goes nuts thinking that the communists

or trying to poison America with fluoride.

Yeah, and it almost causes World War III.

Yeah, he does cause, he causes World War III.

He launches all his bombers to nuke Russia

and like only one plane, like,

it's a comedy, if you can believe it,

it's a comedy about nuclear war.

It is a very, very good movie.

Ted, have you seen Dr. Strangelove?

Because nuclear war is funny.

Or How I Learned to Live and Like the Bomb

or whatever it's called, I don't know.

It's a good movie

If you have never seen it

Oh yeah

Chess

No not that

That's the war games

Or something

The computer

The creepy Canadian computer

That's something else

What's the radio

You're on the air

What's up

How you doing

How's it going

Good who's this

This is

You a glow worm

Voice

I just told him to call in

Yes I want chicken wings

This isn't him

This is lying

I'm kidding

It is the best voice

Dude I put up one of your pranks

On the website recently

Really

Yeah

I have to go check it out.

I have to check it out.

It's in the forums.

Go to the forums

on the madhouselive.com page

and it's called,

what was it called?

The Treehouse.

Yeah,

the Treehouse.

You had a chicken wings.

Oh, yeah, the Treehouse one.

That was funny.

The Chinese man, yeah.

That's up there.

And you can download it

if you want.

It's yours.

Really?

I'm going to download it

and I'm going to do

all kinds of stuff.

Bring it to CD

and leave it in people's lockers

and you don't even go to school.

Fuck it.

Just leave it in people's lockers

at work.

Oh, I see it.

Cha-Cha Chicken.

Cha-cha chicken, that's the one, yes.

Yeah, I see it.

Cha-cha chicken.

All right, I love that.

I'm going to play that later.

All right.

Hey, man, so what's been up?

You want to do some pranks or you're just calling to say what's up?

I'm just calling to say what's up, man.

All right, good, good.

I might pop back up.

Do a prank.

I'm just calling to say what's up because you didn't tell me to call.

Yeah, you know, Milkman, he's a big fan of yours.

I know, man.

I'm actually trying to get some new stuff out, man.

I'm just being good.

Well, you're more than welcome to call here to promote anything you ever want.

I should do a friggin' call.

All right, Glowworm.

All right, man, thanks for calling.

That's Glowworm, everybody.

Everybody, seriously, that call's funny.

Cha-cha chicken.

All right.

I'm going to play.

You know what?

Let's just play.

What the fuck?

I was listening to that today.

That is a good call.

Let's play that for Glow since he called in.

Good old DJ Glowworm.

Good guy, that guy.

Good pranker.

That call is not natural.

Cha-cha chicken.

Hello.

Hey, I need some help.

I'm sorry?

My mama told me to call and get some chicken wings because she's got to go to work.

And my grandma, she done passed out next door because she be drinking all the time.

And my mama said to me, for me to tell you that we need some food.

Actually, I just understand a little bit.

Can you speak a little bit more up?

Okay.

My mama said that she want us to get some food.

Okay.

Y'all have food, don't y'all?

Uh, hello, mister.

Yes?

Y'all have food?

If I have, I have what, you say?

Y'all have food, you know, like, like, yeah, like, uh, like, spaghettios.

No, a spaghettio, no, actually this is...

But y'all have chicken, don't y'all?

Yeah, yeah, roasted chicken.

My mama said for me to call and get some food,

because we're supposed to go, me and my little sister supposed to go next door,

but my grandma, she drank all the time.

She an alcoholic and passed out, and we hungry.

Okay, so your mommy's going to come out here?

No, my mommy told me to call y'all and get some food.

And you're going to pick it up?

Well, how much is it?

All right, look, I have one plate of three pieces with two sides.

The price is $8.60.

Well, see, my little sister, she allergic to chicken.

Do y'all have anything kosher?

Oh, see my grandma, she was, she told my mama that she was going to come down there and

pick it up, but she done passed out from drinking all the alcohol.

Okay.

So, y'all can't bring it to my house.

Where exactly you living?

You living around the area?

Yeah, to be honest with you, I'm in the backyard up in the tree house because there's somebody

in our house, but me and my sister, we so hungry.

Where exactly you are?

Where am I at?

I'm at my house.

But where is your house? Where is it located?

I'm in my treehouse in the backyard.

But I need the address of your treehouse.

My treehouse?

Not a treehouse.

It's in the backyard.

You see me up there. I got a flashlight and everything.

But the thing is that we don't deliver.

See, my grandma, she wasn't going to come get it.

I went over there, and my grandma, she got mad, and she kicked the cat out of the house.

Okay.

And she told my mama she was going to take us down there to get some chicken.

And she started drinking.

Look, if you're living around the area, around Ocean Avenue and Pico, maybe I can deliver it to you a bit of it.

But if it is too far, I cannot do that, man.

See, my grandma, can you come help us get her up?

But I don't know where is your house. I don't know. I don't know. I'm in my treehouse.

I know where you are in your treehouse, but I need the address to get there. What's the address of your house?

Sir, I'm only nine, and my grandma, she won't get up.

How old are you?

I'm nine, and my grandma, she won't get up.

And my mama told me to come out.

How old are you?

I'm nine.

You're nine?

Yeah, I'm nine.

Me and my sister, all we wanted was some chicken.

I mean, I got a pocket full of food stamps, and I got some Pokemon cards.

And you're sick or something?

What was that again, mister?

You're sick? You sound like you're kind of cold or something like that.

No, this is how I talk because my mom, when she had me, she was a crackhead.

Like I said, man, if you're living around here, maybe I can deliver it, but you have to give me the address.

Well, if you want to, I can meet you down the street on my bicycle and I'll give you the food stamps. All we need is some chicken.

Look, man, I don't have any delivery person right now, so...

I mean, see, my grandma, she got some money, but I'm scared to go over there,

because when she be drinking, she be getting crazy.

But you already called the police?

Well, I'm going to call the police first. My grandma, she got a drinking problem.

You say that if your grandma is an alcoholic and get crazy, you should call the police.

I mean, one time I went next door to my grandma's house because she told my mama she had me some cookies.

And where's your mama right now?

And I finger-painted a picture for my grandma, and she threw it in my face, and paint got everywhere, and then she kicked me.

And your little sister, how old is she?

My grandma, she's, I think, she's old.

No, no, your little sister.

What was that, mister?

Where is your little sister?

She's sleeping.

All right, look, man, I got people, I'm busy right now.

So, give me a call again and see what can I do for you.

I want some chicken.

I just told you that, mister.

Just give me a call again and see what can I do for you, all right?

Well, if I don't get my grandma up, can you come drive me?

Because she's drunk.

I see what can I do for you.

Just give me a call later, all right?

All right, mister.

All right.

Mister.

All right.

Fun.

Should we do more live prank calls?

I guess.

I'm, uh, I don't know.

Yeah, if you want to.

that was a classic though that was a classic that is uh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay everybody so

we're kind of i'm trying to do like three things at the same time here

hey yeah man say hi to everybody on the show richard say hello say hello yes you're on the

radio it's richard who's richard richard's back on the show yes we hear you richard the the mexican

second guy? Richard Collins from Texas.

Oh, wow. I thought he was in Hawaii.

Yeah, Richard Collins from Texas. Remember him?

Richo Gonzalez. Yeah, I remember him.

Oh, okay. Alright, good.

He just wanted to say hello. He called to check in.

He told me to tell you hello. Okay.

Alright, I'm going to call Irene Wild.

She's in England, in Wales.

A woman who answered about

two minutes ago, looks like here.

Hang on, folks. Irene Wild coming up on the

mouth. I've got a feeling this is going to be the last call.

Losing it. Hello? Yes,

I'm losing it. This is Irene.

Irene?

Losing it.

Yeah, I don't understand.

I've lost it.

I'm just, I'm not, it's not the same with me.

Like, always, I'm always on top of my game, and it's, I'm just, look, I'm reaching out,

Irene.

I just, it's not, I'm not bringing my A game tonight.

I'm not all there, and I'm disappointing you and everyone else.

Sorry, I think you've got the wrong name.

This is, this is Irene.

This is Mrs. Wilde.

Yeah.

Of course I know you.

I used to, when I was younger, you knew me very well.

This is Valente.

I don't think so.

I'm friends with Pierce Julianne.

Of what?

Pierce Julianne.

Wrong Irene, I'm so sorry.

Irene, I know you from long ago, I just, I don't.

Oh yeah, I can't tell.

I feel not all there.

The strength is gone from my will, and everyone is just noticing and telling me,

you're not doing enough, you're not doing it right, there's lacking.

Valente, this is Valente.

I'm so sorry, but.

If you were to hang.

Because I don't know you, I've never known you.

I want you to understand when you hang up that phone, it's going to break my heart.

And another human being is going to be heartbroken.

Is there anyone else you can ring?

Do you know that Jesus said that when he was sick, you were supposed to come and give him clothes.

And when he was in prison, you were supposed to come visit him.

And now I'm reaching out to you and I need you to give me clothes.

Because I'm naked and you clothed me.

And I was hungry and you fed me.

And I was horny and you fucked me.

I'm sorry.

Alright, I'm so sorry. I don't think I can help.

I don't know where that came from. I'm sorry.

You see how I'm telling you I'm losing it?

I'm not all there.

Where are you?

I'm in my car.

Ring Samaritan.

Who's that?

Samaritan.

What do they do?

I haven't got the number now, but Samaritans can help you.

Do they have salmon?

Get on to a directory inquiry and ring Samaritan.

Will you transfer me?

Sorry, I can't.

Of course you can.

Do you hit the pound button?

I don't know where you are, but I'm in the middle of the night here.

You're in the United States of America, the greatest country in the world.

Yeah, well, I'm in the U.K., and it's 4 o'clock a.m.

It's like you're like the third nicest country in the world.

Yeah.

It's your lackluster country.

What's your problem?

What's happened?

I'm a little upset because of my lack of fortitude tonight

and the decrease in my virility,

and I'm calling you, someone who I've trusted in the past.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I can't help you in this direction.

So sorry.

Can't you just uplift my spirits, please?

Okay, that was fun.

You have $4.

And that is what we call a UK wake-up call.

Oops.

It helps if I have my mic turned on.

Yeah, it's 5 a.m. and she has to complain once, Nunu says.

Doesn't even sound pissed.

You got a point.

That lady was really like, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Call Samaritans.

She almost got me the number.

What a nice little lady.

All right.

Guys, I'm going to end the show.

Milkman, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to the rest of you.

Yeah?

Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Don't do it.

I have to.

I have no choice.

No.

I have no choice.

It's an early...

These are not natural calls, man.

Let's see.

Early into the show, unless you guys want to hear me just play stuff, I'm really, I'm

not, I can't, I can't do more show.

I'm just not feeling there.

I'm feeling down.

Not down, just, it's like I'm tired of little sleep this week, and I'm like, yeah, yeah,

and I just...

You know when you can't do it, you can't do it.

Yeah, I just, I'm not feeling it tonight.

and I feel bad

because Wreckwood

might call in

no he's not gonna

he said he was gonna

call in by 12

so he's not

he's not even online

he's he's he was

recording an album

right now

uh with this band

but uh

I don't think he's

gonna make it

so it's okay

no big deal

that would suck

if he actually made it

he's productive

he is productive

he works yeah

he works like

days on end

hours and hours

and he's like

he lives in that

freaking studio man

it's insane

insane

well Milkman

you used to do

work in studios right

that's not

that's not uncommon

right Milkman

Milkman

oh shit

how does this

this happen to milkman now he gets muted i don't even touch that computer milkman you there now

that's the silence i don't know you see this is why many milkman come back so we can end the show

now i'm gonna have to end it without you i think milkman's so upset that he's just he muted himself

geez all right well i'll have to think you're ready for calling ted are you around can you

do your best milkman impersonation do your best milkman take us out of here impersonation until

Until he gets here.

Buddy, thanks for being on the bad hour.

Thank you for entertaining us here.

I'd like to thank Ted for the team thing.

We've got this nice server that we talk on here.

Yeah, thank you goes out to Mr. Ted.

And tuck that redneck son of a bitch if I ever find him, I'll kick his ass.

I'm going to kick his ass.

Prankhall.info.com

Milkman, where the hell are you, man?

He's not even talking.

All right, see, this is why we have to end the show.

Lonesome Loser, thank you for sending numbers

you sent a lot more numbers than I got to call tonight

I'm very sorry, very very sorry

I want to thank Eve the Queefer

Eve the Vagina Farter for calling in

I want to say what's up to Sweet Kisses

who's out there listening tonight

I heard, Sweet Kisses you're awesome

thank you for not breaking Milkman's heart

and stay true

keep listening, I love it

we haven't talked to her in a while

I love it when Sweet Kisses

sometimes Milkman will come for Sweet Kisses

in with us it's kind of cool when she when he does that and uh and yeah uh what else is going on

who else called in anybody else jonathan called in uh the bad boys of iowa called in that kid

that guy a bunch of new people and stuff i've never heard of there's a lot yeah a lot of new

people listening tonight yeah that's true that's true that's true and a lot of people talking to

me tonight but uh they call again and being productive all right i'm gonna i'm gonna drink

as much of this beer as i can right now here let's see how many seconds i can last all right

what is that second second bullshit that was like 30 seconds man oh went down the wrong way

nunu says the logo is important that's what they click on at the top of the screen they just show

the logos so it needs to look good and big uh nunu's talking about just yeah i gotta do some

more configuration it was the first time on there i'm glad to see it worked we had up to 23 listeners

on there uh we had up to the original amalgamation of the integration yeah i'll fix it i'll fix it

uh what else um we had about the 19 on the mouth we had about 19 on syndicate so 20 20 20 we had

about 60 listeners you know that's not bad for a slow night oh man pretty soon i'm telling you

we are gonna have a lot of listeners this show is really picking up steam lately and i'm really

excited about it a lot of i'm gonna say an invitation to all you podcast listeners all

All of you who listen on the podcast, if you're ever at home on a Thursday night, 10 p.m.

Eastern and 7 p.m. Pacific.

Podcast is important.

Yes.

If you're ever listening on a Thursday night, I mean, if you're ever home on a Thursday

night.

No, I have a podcast.

Did you know that?

You do?

Do you still have a podcast?

The Tuckolution.

Tuckolution.

Revolutuck.

I know that.

Revolutuck.

Revolutuck is the podcast.

And I know.

You're on episode 17.

Episode 17.

You can call that info.com.

Go on there.

15.

Number 15.

And I'm putting new stuff out

Every week

Cool

All right, cool, yeah

But all you podcast listeners

Listen live on a Thursday night

You never get a chance, you know

A lot of you have been checking in lately

And it's really positive to see that

We've got a lot of people

A lot of people

I guess that's it

Someone else called in

Who the hell

There was someone else that called in, too

I don't know, man

The Iowa called in

There was the other

The first guy

Oh, yeah, Hollywood Vanja

Yeah, he was a good pranker

Very good stuff

Okay, anyway, we're out of here

here thank you for it to everybody in syndicate too who listen and thank you for dealing with

technical issues in syndicate um yeah be sure to listen i i'm hoping zolars on tomorrow night i'm

not certain no confirmation but um regardless stay tuned to syndicate all weekend plenty of

information plenty of entertainment there uh basically any time of the week you can listen

to that was lego on last night anybody do you know was lego on last night i didn't get i was

i was busy i guess i guess not i don't know uh thanks to sidekick chuck and the rest of your

your kids yeah lego was on them oh yeah i almost forgot dtt yeah a great call for dt and like i

was trying to say dtt man there are a few listeners you can say they've heard the first show and how

bad it was the first time the show was on the air which our three-year anniversary will be here in

about two months no more than that three or it'll be here in like three months we're we're two years

it was more like summer yeah well it's june late june yeah we all we yeah we got like three months

still more than that anyway we're coming up on our three anniversary yeah but uh that's how long

dtt's been listening to us so he's a long time good man he's a madhouse good man uh and everybody

be sure to go to the forums madhouse live.com forward slash forums and register and post

uh check out some pranks that are up there a lot of information a lot of good times

i'm trying to get i'm trying to get the ball rolling anybody who's listening now if you get

get a chance to register for the forums and just post every once maybe once a day going and post

twice post a response and post a thread if you can i bet i ask you two posts a day one visit to

the madhouse site uh for the time being and just two posts a day at least it'll help uh get these

forms moving and maybe we can start getting even more listeners here to the show milkman you're

just the show is over milkman the show is over milkman the show what the hell yeah well i tried

to get you on it can't be over yes it is yes it is it can't be over johnny come lately young

i already it's the official end everybody we're out of here where's my outro maybe it won't be

over milkman maybe you're lucky man maybe you're lucky no we're done all right milkman call me

after the show will you please call me in about call me back in about five minutes please thank

you all right everybody we're out of here we'll catch you next week for a longer show i promise

a normal show but thank you we had fun anyway manhouselife.com

MadhouseRadio is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Fuck you! Fuck you fucking piece of shit!

Be sure to visit us online at MadhouseLive.com.

Calls (14, 49 min of 1 h 46 min)

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