2008-04-10 Show

listen house radio podcast internet hey everybody what's up fucking love there we go that's better

hey everybody what's up madhouse radio is back we are here again whoopty freaking da this is

carlito here with tuck tucks in the house tuck how you doing man we are back and we are all here

yes nitty yes already zippity-poo zippity-zap that's what i gotta say on that right milkman

Milkman will be joining us shortly here in a little bit.

Milkman, in a little bit, he's busy.

He's at a conference right now.

So we'll look forward to that.

He said he'd be calling in around 1030.

I'm just holding off on him right now.

And other than that, we're just ready to do a show.

You can reach us here tonight at the Madhouse.

Madhouse Radio is the screen name.

And now I'm hearing myself.

I'm hearing myself, an effigy of myself.

What is that?

Where in the world will that be coming from?

And I can hear you, too.

Oh, I think I know where it's from.

Hang on, I'll fix that real quick.

Okay, fixed. Problem fixed.

All right, anyway, Madhouse Radio, if you're using Yahoo or AOL Instant Messenger.

It's probably chopping up right now.

AOL and Yahoo Instant Messenger is Madhouse Radio.

If you're using MSN Messenger, that's madhouseatlive.com.

And, of course, you can call us here tonight at 1-888-278-8509.

I'll repeat that a little more clearly.

1-888-278-8509.

That is the toll-free line here for you to reach us tonight.

And we encourage your participation.

We've got a lot we're going to talk about.

I am tired.

I'm not going to start off by saying I'm going to have an early show tonight.

But anyway.

I've been working on some really cool stuff we're going to discuss tonight.

And we're going to go over some news here at the beginning of the show.

As we've been slacking on that lately.

And I'm behind on the podcast.

Signed at the end of the show tonight.

And I will try to get to that this weekend.

I promise you.

And whatever.

You know.

Deal with it.

Anyway, has anything been going on in the news there, Big Tuck?

Anything that you know of in particular?

I just reclaimed that the Marine that killed the pregnant Marine in North Carolina

and fled to Mexico has been caught.

Oh, really?

There you go on that big scoop right there.

Good.

All right.

Well, that's breaking news.

They caught that dude.

Good man.

Man, is that guy really going to get raped?

Maybe not.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

I love grape Kool-Aid, man.

Sugar-free grape drink.

That's what I'm drinking tonight, with no ice.

I forgot to put ice in it, and I forgot to get a straw.

I'm just doing it the macho way.

I've got some news articles here sent in by Kokanee during the week.

The manly way.

That's right.

Oh, and I don't want to fail to mention, of course, I'm sorry, we're on SyndicateRadio.tv.

Syndicate Radio, Syndicate, Syndicate.

Which, by the way, I have been understanding that Rev on the Syndicate Radio camera over there

is wearing a shirt of Zolar that is back.

And he is now sporting it on the SyndicateRadio.tv cam.

That's awesome.

Oh, yeah, that is the one, right?

The Zolar devil-looking thing, right?

Look at that, man.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah.

Is it a T-shirt now?

It's totally a T-shirt.

It's definitely going to be a T-shirt, man.

Yeah.

That's how I look at it.

Well, that's awesome.

So congrats.

They're all destined to be t-shirts, man.

They just haven't been made yet, man.

Congratulations on your t-shirt, on your new t-shirt.

Hey, speaking of which, you know, there's a Madhouse t-shirt available at MadhouseLive.com.

I had nothing to do with it, but I'm glad it's there.

Over at the website, MadhouseLive.com, there is a t-shirt as well, a Madhouse t-shirt, which is designed by Tuck as well.

So if you like RevShirt, it's about the same guy.

Oh, right on, right on.

That's right.

So check that out.

MadhouseLive.com forward slash store is where you can get that.

I actually, last week, I was wearing the madhouselife.com hat and a hat here lately.

I'm in a very captain-ish mood.

Me and my fiancée, Athena, we've, well, she has put down the down payment, the deposit, rather, on the cruise that we're taking.

Athena put down the down payment, actually, this week on the cruise we're taking on our honeymoon.

So I'm in a very cruise-like mood.

I'm very excited.

It's not until next May, but nonetheless, I am excited about a cruise that I'm going to be taking.

I'm really excited about this whole, you know.

You know, I did want to discuss, Tuck, we need to talk about some business here real quick.

Let's go ahead and cut the music, Tuck, if you could.

You are filling in for Milkman.

I was hoping Milkman would be calling in for this.

Any day now.

I don't know where he is.

I just got a sick call for me to come in real quick, so that's all I can really tell you.

I appreciate it.

Thanks, Tuck, on short notice.

Tuck, you get a gold star already.

Tuck, when's your birthday, man?

Man, we've never heard of a...

Do you not celebrate your birthday?

Are you a Jehovah's Witness?

August 20th.

Okay, well, on the 20th, in four months and ten days, you remind me,

happy birthday for you.

Happy, happy birthday.

Anyway.

Honestly, you never hark about your birthday at all.

I mean, I've never heard you mention it.

Zolar mentions it because I think it's the day after mine or the day before mine.

Anyway, what I wanted to talk about...

The whole end of the Madhouse thing.

A lot of people are skeptical, a lot of show.

show the show you're listening to now that you love and enjoy is not going to be around much

well it'll be for a little while but uh in may of 2009 that is going to be our final show

we are not going to i am not going to do the madhouse so let's just say let's keep it like

this there is a possibility that madhouse without carlito after may would either be run by tuck or

ted or a combination of you guys and milkman and jen or whoever wants to take a maybe recluse

it'll start hosting who knows what'll happen it'll become some sort of some sort of amalgam

or something that will hopefully evolve in something beyond right you see the whole deal

is there'll still be a madhouse you know live.com site you can still go there now this is regular

every thursday night show which is a ton of fun i'll be honest with you but i started didn't

expect it to last more than a few months and here we are april it's just a little hobby i'll just go

Go in or make a podcast or go on the stream or whatever and do you think it'll be fun?

And, you know, kick back and didn't think more of it than that.

All right.

Well, it's the whole thing.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, we know we just let's have fucking fun.

That's how Zolar started.

He started the same week that I did on the same station.

Anyway, so it's been fun.

I've had a great time.

It's not going to go anywhere more than this.

But, you know, what started off as just me having fun on a Thursday night, you know,

know grew legs and has become this great big thing we got a lot of listeners uh who listen

every week live we were always hit in the 50s and the 60s sometimes the 70s we had on thursday

nights live people who have nothing else to do or maybe they do have something else to do but

they're putting it off in order to listen to carlito open his fat mouth and talk on the air

and and and for that i thank you all thank you so much fans and then we have tons of podcast

More so than that, we have, at last count, we're at 130 podcast listeners who listen to this show on their leisure.

On a weekly average basis, it is 130 people who download and listen to this show.

Our biggest growing segment.

We got all the listeners on Syndicate.

We got, you know, the new PCU, you know, is up there.

You know, we're on there also.

I don't know how many listeners we have on there now, but I know we're broadcasting, and we got six listeners there.

So we're having fun.

But anyway, but I'm going to be moving on in a phase of my life where I'm going to be wanting to start a family.

And I'm going to be going to graduate school at that point, more than likely to get my master's.

Who knows?

Maybe I'll get my doctorate one day.

I don't know.

But I'm going to move on from this.

So we're going to have fun for a whole other year starting in May.

On May 30th of this year, the countdown is going to start to the end of the Madhouse Live shows.

shows there will be no more of them unless for some reason between here and december this show

grows like a thousand listeners a night or i'm making money off the website or something where

the madhouse show grows legs the chances that of that happening of course are not really big

but it's still fun and i still love doing it but anyway so i just want to let you guys know keep

an eye on it on that floor because more than likely you know it's going to be the end coming

soon and we're going to have a nice big hurrah we're going to have a lot of people coming in

in the next year.

And of course with that is

the final Madhouse show

that we have. I have big plans for it.

We've talked about this before. I won't go

too heavy into it, but apparently it's going to be

and we've got two locations

narrowed down to everybody here right now.

And people who are interested, they are

committed to coming. I need to know from you

what will be best for you. We can either host it in

New York. Dr. Lego

perhaps can help us out. Zolar

are in the past that said he he would he would be willing to help host uh if not at his location

maybe he could help us find a place where we could do it or he'd be there or something we can

either do it in new york or we can do it in philadelphia i'm shooting more it's actually

probably going to be in philadelphia um that's my weddings in pennsylvania it'll be the next day

so if we all reenact the decoration of independence we can store show up we can

him storm the best deal as it were powder to wig and we can all go to geno's together i think one

of the things we're going to do on my bachelor party if it's in philly we're all going to go to

geno's together we're going to go to that one strip club together and then we're going to get

a conference room at a hotel in philly at a decent hotel okay and uh we're going to have you know

alcohol there provided we're going to have maybe a keg or two we'll have some bottles you know

we're going to have webb's uh lego said he's going to come with his gear we're going to do

a live shred thing he's committed uh oh yeah i'll go in on that joy pass yeah all right andy and

he's gonna be there lonesome loser is gonna be the lonesome loser lives in the area he said he's

definitely coming so we get to see lonesome loser confirming numbers who here can say they've ever

no one even knows what lonesome loser's name freaking is but we all depend on him here for

prankles anyway what i'm trying to say is i say lonesome key loser all right that that may be

something something like that but anyway so that's the deal more than likely it's going to

to be philly um and all madhouse listeners are invited um like i said there's going to be a lot

of vips there lego i'm sure zolar said he said he's going to make it um no no dtt said he wants

to come to dad wants to come uh big will will probably be there so it's going to be a big big

thing anyway also coming up next year next january there's going to be a live madhouse show

live from the floor of the uh of a of a comic book convention a huge convention held here in

Orlando. I've already set into motion

getting a space

for the show, and Milkman's going to

make an attempt to be here for that, or

someone's going to have to be there. I don't know. Maybe

I'll do the show by myself. Oh, come on, dude.

It's going to be live in person, and

I'm going to have somebody who's going to be

interviewing people

in the crowd. I mean, we're talking about the crazy

sci-fi people who are all dressed

up like Klingons and

Lord of the Rings elves and stuff like

that. Interviewing them live,

putting them on video, doing live prank calls there

in front of tons of people

at the Orange County Convention Center

here in Orlando.

So that's going to be in January or so.

When are you planning that?

January.

January 2000.

Tug, you should come down

because it's a comic book convention.

You can get a space.

You should get a space right next to me, man.

And we'll sell your comic books and your art.

And I'll be next door.

We'll be doing the pranks together.

And maybe we can just share a booth

and that's just easier right there.

Oh, yeah.

Easier sitting in right there.

That way there's a booth.

and share it and divide the percentage to get the space run out.

That wouldn't be a problem.

Exactly.

So I have two conventions out there.

I'm going to lean towards the later one, which is called Megacon.

That's usually in February, actually.

It was actually in March this year, and I went.

That's where I got that Fidel doll thing that's over there in the back

that I showed a few weeks ago.

That's where I got it.

So anyway, that's it.

Oh, okay, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that thing, that thing.

That's what we're discussing here tonight.

we just got a lot of things coming down the pike also i and the last thing to mention here also

i've been working on a madhouse wiki uh wiki page you saw that tuck i leaked it to you there's a

madhouse all that um that's great everyone go and find that yeah it's it's not available pub tuck

only you milkman and ted have access oh i don't know where it is yeah that's fine but in the

coming days you're going to see probably over the week and you'll see available the madhouse wiki

and that actually you know you have the story of eddie garcia the story of sam the donut man the

angry ass donut man his story is up there now um all the different characters actually in there

he's his page is already created i'll probably make that available in the forums uh starting uh

saturday um afternoon so look out for that that you gotta have a milkman page if anything yeah

i'm doing the characters and the pranks first i'm making a wiki page for the pranks and the

the characters uh that's my first goal right and then from there i'm going to start expanding to

you know milkman and other people have been on you know i'm sure lonesome loser will be out

maybe we'll have people dad on there do a wikipedia page about him it's going to be very

maybe on there he may not be on there maybe so look out for that by next week's show you'll be

able to i'll tell you where you can go to check that out it'll definitely be on the madhouse

website this weekend so look out for that make it a point on sunday after you come home from

in church go to the madhouse live.com website and check that out okay we need to do prank calls we

been talking blah blah blah for so long but we have a ton of numbers here from the lonesome loser

hey one more thing one more plug i asked for one more one more plug maybe two later but one

more plug right now uh on june the 17th um i have a coming out that i that i did the cover for

It's called Muck Sticky's My Friend

In stores June 17th

At mucksticky.com

That's right

Comedy rapper guy

And you guys need to check it out

When it comes out

He's over at

He's at myspace.com

Slash mucksticky

Check that out

I actually checked out his songs

He's a pretty cool dude

It's not serious rap but it's fun

White people like it

If you're white and you like rap music

it's fun it's happy it's positive shit yeah it's yeah it's it's fun rap music fun stuff it's like

kind of like the fresh prince but they talk about weed more than the fresh princeton all right fresh

prince the fresh prince of billiard fresh french the fresh prince did i just say french prince

prince fuck i can't talk tonight god i'm tired this is gonna be a short show i'm telling you

now fuck it all right anyway from lonesome loser we have numbers coming in sopranos italian

restaurant italian no way captain jack's bar uh bigfoot java uh we've got bill's military

surplus gi joe's rack and rig rack and rig i think it'd be rack and rib i don't know yo-yo's bar

cocky bull the cocky bull cool uh big old bagels yank sing chinese buffet poncho villas mexican

food pizza mondo we got a bunch of numbers here awesome what i don't has an in the way i don't

has what i don't has here is an international card so if anybody has an international ability

phone uh phone card a phone card with international dialing abilities let us know

send it in uh yeah because for now but we have the good we we do have the good old spoof tell

card here so let's do a call to let's see uh let me roll the dice here roll the die all right i'm

I'm going to call Bigfoot Java.

Bigfoot Java is in Bothell, Washington, the state of Washington, not the something else.

We'll be right back after this with the...

Not Bothell, Washington.

Not that one.

We'll be right back with the first prank call of the night.

You're listening to Madhouse Radio, Thursday, April the 10th, 10 days away from Hitler's birthday.

Let's all get ready for that.

What's this doing to hide against God's child?

Test to use.

Office, please.

Project, and we'd like to get some caffeine.

I'd be picking some up.

I'm going to give an order of some drinks that I'd like.

Like, something that we can do.

and you have some rule that people can't call and request

and what's going on.

It's not too much.

You're not too busy, are you?

This.

Three larges.

Three, four ounces of coffee?

Yep.

Why not?

Put me down for three of those.

And then I'd like nutmeg, cinnamon, blender.

Nutmeg, cinnamon, blender.

I'd also like a shot of sugar-free.

What do you have, vanilla?

What are the syrups that you got?

I'm going to go ahead and ask the gentleman here.

We can go ahead and get a nice combo here

because we like three different selections.

Name your syrups, please.

What flavor?

That's exactly what I'm asking you.

Let's go with regular.

Regular, please.

Banana, blackberry, blueberry, boysenberry, brown sugar, cinnamon, butter, rum, butterscotch, caramel, cherry, cheesecake, cinnamon, coconut, English coffee, French vanilla, grape, hazelnut, Irish cream, kiwi, lemon, lime, macadamia nut, cinnamon, mandarin orange, almond, passion fruit, peach, peppermint, pineapple, praline, pumpkin, spice, raspberry, classic fruit, beer, strawberry, tiramisu, vanilla bean, watermelon, cream brulee, B-52, black cherry, carrot cake, caramel pecan,

What was your name again?

For a second, I entertained the thought that I was actually trying to get a gauge of exactly what syrups you had,

and you just ran through them like that.

Do you think I understood any one of those?

Look at yourself in my shoes.

If I'm looking for a specific syrup that might catch my attention,

and I've told you that I have people in the background who are going to be asking me what syrups you have available in the moment,

Why would you burn through them that quickly where I couldn't understand, like, more than two of them?

I think I heard bananas and apples.

Think to yourself, how inferior of a person must you be to have gone ahead and done something like that

and in front of me on the telephone machine, which is not a toy, nor is it a game.

Of course, I've been fought right to use the telephone.

I prefer not to.

No, I honestly need to get a gauge here of what serves you have,

and you burn through them in less than a minute, and you got, like, 50 of them or something like that.

I couldn't understand them.

Okay, well, I have a question.

I do not desire to be waiting or put on hold.

You will have to take my order now.

You will have to go through those serums for me so I can let you know which ones that we need.

Okay, well, I'm going to call my manager.

Why don't you give me your name and I'll call you back.

I do.

I don't.

1-2-1-2.

Jack Valenti.

A-L-E-N-T-E.

L-E-N-T.

Back to me.

I would like you to spell it for me, please.

At a grown-up pace.

No.

V.

V, ma'am.

Seriously, you got to say V.

Sound it out.

I got to go.

I have a question for you.

Can you have it for a while?

It was okay, I guess.

That's a good question.

Chuck, did you listen to the Stern Show tonight?

Or today?

Yeah, I did.

I heard that crazy thing that went down with the Artie Lang thing.

Here's the deal.

I had a doctor's appointment today, sat in my car up until like 8.15, and missed it completely.

All I know is I heard Artie all day talking just fine, you know, joking around, having a good old time.

Next thing I know, I come back from my doctor, you know, I'm out of my doctor's appointment,

And they're talking about, you know, oh, something just, something happened with Artie, you know, in the last hour and this.

And, you know, they're making comments and stuff.

Yeah, it happened out of nowhere, sort of in the middle of the show, yeah.

Well, here's the deal.

Here's why I'm upset right now, the Howard people.

Because, you know, I'm like, all right, shit, all right, fine, no problem.

I take, I got, at work, I sign into Sirius on, you know, Sirius Online.

I'm going to listen to it on the replay.

I'm going to catch it on the West Coast replay.

I timed it.

I said, it happened at this time.

and i go to stern fat network and i'm hanging out there and i see everyone's like yeah it's

gonna shit come on around eight you know 11 20 eastern you know the replay and right at that

point um i i started getting busy at work and i had to take phone calls and i couldn't listen to

it and i miss it so i'm like oh crap right so what happens after work i'm in my car my way home

and i'm like and i did the time in my head i said perfect right when i'm on my way home from work

after work, I'll be able to hear it, right?

And what happens, they pulled the episode

from replay and they were playing the episode

from Monday. They like, they yanked off

today's episode off replay.

I was like, fuck, I didn't get to hear it.

So I got to hear the lead

up and I got to hear the aftermath

and I read what it's

about, but I

never got to hear the actual

thing, yeah. That sucks.

Why does Syndicate always restart itself?

What the fuck? Jeez.

I don't know about Syndicate now.

I do know that

Zola wants everyone to check out

his new CD coming out.

Zola has a new, yeah, he was showing me that.

It's at some Geocity site.

Rev is hosting it.

Rev's got a CD too,

and Rev's got a shirt, and he's got

a bunch of stuff.

Good for everybody.

Yeah, good for everybody.

One day I will release...

I had a CD coming out.

You had a CD coming out.

Someone just asked me, am I doing the art for the MasterCard CD?

And my answer is, yeah, if you ever get it out.

Well, the CD's ready to go.

I need, the only reason it has to come out is because I don't have the art for it.

But, like, I got to have something that I can take to Kinko's and have them print XXX amount of copies of it,

and I'll cut it by hand, you know.

But I can't get the sizing right, you know.

What do you mean you don't have the art for it?

What do you mean exactly by that?

like i need the inside i need the outside cover and the inside cover but i need it in a format

that's sized perfectly for the cd so all i have to do is is print it you know what i mean just oh

you need it in a template exactly to the guy i could take it to the dude and print it right there

let me get on that this weekend awesome dude next week or this week and next week how's that

awesome good good are you gonna draw something it'd be cool if you could draw jack masterson

and, like, Jack Valenti and Eddie Garcia or something like that.

That would be really cool.

On the cover, just have, like...

Well, I think it's stuff, like, a year ago, but, you know, you never used it.

So you want something new?

I can do that, yeah.

We'll talk about it.

We'll figure it out.

I've got to brainstorm.

I'll let you know.

I'll let you know tonight or tomorrow.

Cool, cool, cool.

So look out.

Yeah, and it's already titled.

It's called...

What's it called again?

How's Your Fat Ass Doing?

Milkman titled it.

Be sure to check it out.

Coming soon.

I've got to figure out what parents are going to put on there, too, now.

because we've gotten a lot more of them since I last designed it and picked the calls.

We've got a lot more better calls now, so I've actually got to figure it out.

I hear what you're saying.

You updated it.

Update the thought process.

That's right.

Okay.

Social Crime Radio, who's that?

They want to go live and they want to do a crossover show.

Okay, sure.

That Pledge guy.

Oh, Pedge?

Pedge Jameson?

Yeah, that's Pedge's thing, right?

Yeah, Pedge, he's cool.

He called in once.

He's an all right guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, comedy, comedy thing, comedy.

Comedy shit, yeah.

That guy, the comedian, the funny guy.

Yeah, that guy, all right, good.

Yeah, sure, yeah, whatever, Pidge.

Sure, dude, yeah, just call in or something.

We'll figure it out.

Oh, we have an international card here.

Okay, we got Pearl Jones.

Pearl Jones lives in England, in Lincolnshire.

Let's call that.

Hang on, next prank call of the night coming up.

Excuse me, a prank call to the United Kingdom of America.

that's good the chance to go to the news group like i normally do the news group hasn't been

as reliable as it used to be is the ring machine second i thought that was it they took

took their phone off the hook or

or the call failed in the cross cables of the atlantic or whatever something like that we'll

We'll try another number.

We've got more numbers to call.

Don't worry, folks.

We've got other options here tonight.

No need to panic.

You know, I want to mention something.

I want to apologize.

I'm going to take care of this situation.

On Syndicate Radio every week, I'm like the weakest link as far as Syndicate is concerned.

Because the computer I use for the stream is the same one that I use for the Syndicate feed, the video feed.

So it pulls up the good audio.

That's the one that gets the best feed.

It gets everybody on there.

Are you currently on fire?

No, Echo.

No, no, no.

No, it's not on fire, but it's my old PC.

It's got little RAM on it.

It only has like two.

I think it has 512 on it, and it's expandable to three.

So I am going to buy some RAM here this weekend and install it in there.

I'm going to boost it up to two, two gigs of RAM.

I'm going to clean up the OS a little bit.

I might just go ahead and reinstall Windows on there or something.

You know what I mean?

I'm just going to clean it up and make it streamlined because I think the biggest problem that I'm having,

you know with the stream lagging and syndicate always crashing in the middle of the show i mean

right now it's all screwed up so there's no video coming on the camera is not working because it

messed up because it crashed and and and that's not fair to the the good people at syndicate you

know there's a lot of good listeners we get i love syndicate i was i was listening to lego last

night i was listening to pedro the other day uh politics of pedro's fun and i did want to mention

i forgot to mention before dude i gone has video of uh kdk apparently doing his uh one of his last

shows where he was drunk and it was lifting uh like two pound barbells on the camera oh man it

is really weird he's a really weird looking guy now like he he he he lost like like 15 pounds and

he looks very very skinny and to say the least but he's actually like drunk and he's like lifting

like a two pound barbell weight it's the most hilarious thing to watch it's like a car wreck

it's hard not to watch it uh asked him to play it he was playing it earlier tonight i have to be

be honest the past month i haven't really been uh paying that much attention to shows and everything

and i just my first week kind of back sort of like in body and spirit right yeah well it's

well you've been busy i'm a little out of it but you know yeah it's all right well

yeah well yeah apparently there's video out there of kdk drunk off his ass sounds funny

yeah hopefully he's got hopefully hopefully saigon saigon can make it available publicly

he should put it on youtube that'd be great i'd love to watch it i'd host it

i definitely host that video uh i want you to see it uh uh talk saigon get with me man come on

let's do something let's hash it out well apparently the word from pedge i don't know

what's going on pedge he's gonna call in or something and he's live on the air whatever

Whatever that is.

Or something.

He just needs...

Or psychically get with you.

He wants to listen.

On a...

He wants to cross promote.

I offered him a chance last year.

I offered him a chance, me and him, last year.

He could have joined the mouth, and we were going to cross promote and stuff,

and he very foolishly crossed the line when it came to me very quickly,

and I cut him off in a matter of seconds.

You understand that I'm one of the folks at SyndicateRadio.tv?

Why?

But I'm the person who brought down PCR, the force behind that.

i fed i had like double agents working for me yeah i i had like one he thought that i was

supplying the right information i was supplying false information and i had half the i don't

even want to go into it then i brought kdk down too yeah yeah dr lego respects me now he was at

all and now we're all happy again dr lego dr lego's a cool guy though i'm really cool with

dr lego now i really to be honest with you because you know they're off all next week

they're doing this day and mammary lane wednesday thursday and master tape theater which i fucking

despise i hate fridays because i hear that stupid master tape theater if they did a best of but

they pick like one episode you don't like the archive shit no no i like the archive stuff and

i don't like when they go back and i pick one show from like 1993 that was you know had maybe

one good select don't put the whole show you know maybe you're talking about movies

you go about

you don't really care to go back to

eliminate the news then

and then just pick three segments

from three different shows

three hours from each show and mix it up

or just I don't know

they need to kind of

if they're going to do that

they need to sort of do

sort of like a wrap up show live

sort of like touching on

what you just heard

with a mix in of what's been

saying that way

a discon you just heard for an hour or two yeah well anyway well that master tape theater system

but from what i understand actually uh fridays on howard 101 are going to be morning uh from six to

seven is the howard news uh week in review which i think was usually didn't come on until 6 p.m on

fridays i'll be on at six in the morning six to seven then after that jay thomas he's going to be

on uh until 10 i believe and then at 10 bubble lust bunch takes over live and then after that

that they're going to replay uh stern coming back from morning yeah right and then after that they're

going to replay stern found uh the stern fan round table from the night before i believe i don't think

it's going to be live i think it's a repeat from the night before from thursday nights that's on

thursday nights at seven i believe and then i think there's a there's another bubble repeat

after that is it 10 no it's not 10 master tapes on it like eight or nine or seven or something

like that it's not on this late i know because right because uh um zola used to go on and i

used to listen to him before the show started anyway ted webb is here ted how you doing man

And Bonchata, or whatever it is that you say.

Bonchlego L. Ferndango, too.

I realize how difficult it is to have friends on the East Coast,

because you guys are already, like, chilling, and I'm just getting off work.

It's like that three-hour difference, you know?

Dude, Ted, I'm just, I know you're friends with the guy,

but I'm watching videos Saigon's playing in the Syndicate chatroom of KDK working out,

and he's using a two-pound barbell.

he's using a two-pound barbell yet he's smoking a cigarette at the same time what a dumbass

oh shit yeah that's that's a great workout he's practicing for i don't know what he's

practicing for he's getting buff good god he just he's wearing an undershirt he's been on

cam a lot lately he's wearing like a greasy undershirt he's doing that thing where like

Like, he's, like, showing off his armpit.

He's got, like, his right arm, like, his hand is all the way around his left side of his head.

You know what I mean?

Like, he's got his hand behind him, but it's, like, wrapped like a snake.

I don't know.

Whatever, dude.

Weird dude.

But, anyway, Ted, check that out.

I know you all night with that.

Anyway, he's got, like, a greasy wife beater shirt on, too.

And now Zolar is showing Siobhan.

Thank you very much for that.

You just ruined my night.

Zolar, officially, you get negative one gold star for the night.

That's your fault, Zolar.

think about the mistake you just made do you do you cut a star out of our paper or something like

that how do you no i write negative gold star i write down on the paper a negative one and when

zolar gets a star he's back to zero he's like jeopardy so right now he's actually got a negative

account but he has a chance to make that a new monopoly no have you seen monopoly updated for

for the millennium with the credit card system no really why did they really do that there's

an electronic monopoly now where you have like a you have your money on a card so you use the

credit card instead of paper money so you can technically go bankrupt in monopoly that'd be

great that's you can simulate your real life in monopoly where you use where you spend more money

than you have yeah is it made in china because that would be ironic oh boy real life i know

know exactly yeah and we got to do some prank calls everybody what milkman said he was going

to call in that son of a bitch never called in man what the hell jesus christ i want to announce

everybody who's wondering where milkman is that milkman got a job a new job he started a new job

this week unfortunately he is working nights so he is absolutely not available to do the show with

us uh for some time but he said he would make an effort to call in damn dude he will make an effort

for to call in at the 10.30 to 11 o'clock hour.

We're going to keep the phone lines open.

That's why I've been here stalling.

I've been waiting for Milkman to call in

because I feel bad.

He's like the number two man on the show.

We're going to be without him for who knows how long

until the job he's on changes or they change his hours.

And it's not the same show without Milkman.

I could take the place of Milkman.

Yeah, but you're never here.

You came super late today.

I had Tuck over here.

You know how Tuck is.

No, no, I'm not saying consistently,

but I could right now.

You can do the voice.

And then we replace Milkman.

All right, so now everybody, now we have a substitute milkman.

I could do it.

Do it, Ted, for the rest of the night, do it, or just for now, that'd be great.

That'd make me feel better, because I miss the poor fucker.

Hey, Carlito.

Hey, milkman, how you doing?

You've got to cut your mic in and out, too.

Don't forget to do that occasionally so everybody understands.

That's that one milkman guy.

We've got a long production line here of Rascal Scooter.

There you go.

All right, good.

Good to hear you, milkman.

all right anyway we've been stalling for a long time let's go ahead and try england again we're

gonna call dick thomas dick tommy in just a moment here folks the next prank call of the night is

is now i gotta play a song i can't play these background instrumentals all night

they kill me let's play this one called mincemeat dtt saying hi hi dtt how you doing man

thomas my friend is it four o'clock you don't say oh good night you're at night come back you

You didn't even let me get into it, man.

I was just about to hook him.

I don't have the prank juice in my hand.

I honestly don't know that I'm going to make it another year of doing shows.

This is the kind of show that I do.

The last two weeks.

It's weird.

This show, I'll have two good weeks and I'll have two weeks.

This is the last.

This is the bottom one.

Next week, I'm sure we're going to have a kick-ass show, man.

It's going to be great.

Can't wait for next week's show.

Everybody, you should just tune out right now and just listen to next week's show.

Why not?

Anyway, so, Ted, what have you been up to now?

You've been working on your dissertation.

How's that going for you?

That would suck to have to work on a book.

Okay, is it going to be used in teaching, or just, like, what's the deal?

It's going to be a book used to teach reverse engineering.

Okay, I didn't know there was a process to reverse engineering.

How do you teach reverse engineering, I guess?

I mean, do you, I guess there's whole methods of breaking something down,

the processes, and the way it works, and stuff like that.

It's kind of clandestine, though, man.

Basically, I'm going to approach it through, like, exercises, like, series of exercises using different tools, that kind of thing, like, build it through experience.

So are we talking reverse engineering as in, you know, one country, I mean, taking, like, technology that one company has and copying it, learning how to copy it effectively, or are we talking more of, like, you know?

Well, like, there's a much more, like, legitimate use of reverse engineering,

like, one of which is to, like, maintain software that was written a long time ago,

but there's no documentation for it.

Okay.

So you'll use tools to, like, discover what it does so that you could fix it if it breaks

or enhance it if it needs it.

True.

Then, like, let's say you find a virus, like, you have a file infected with a virus,

you can use reverse engineering

to understand how the virus works

how it infects files

stuff like that

so there's a lot of different uses for it

that are things that people do

every day at work

you saw a big need for that

before in the lead up to Y2K

where you had a lot of technology

from the 80's

and in some cases 70's

and some infrastructure as late as the 60's

I would say

that had to be reverse engineered to an extent in order to make it compliant for Y2K.

Do you feel that the Y2K scare was legitimate?

Was it indeed as towards it where it really was successful

and keeping a lot of problems from happening?

Or do you think it was just a paper tiger or not really the problem that it appeared to be?

Well, I can tell you what I know,

and that is that there is a lot of new tools and techniques that came about as a result of Y2K

Like, there was a lot of work done to repair these older programs.

And software engineers at IBM, like, mostly related to the mainframe,

were on a 24-hour schedule for a month before the year change and a month after

for any problems that may come up from things that they missed.

So there was a serious effort.

That's all I know, like a serious effort to repair a lot of software.

But, I mean, 70% of the world's source code is in COBOL, which was most of the code that had the problem.

And, you know, to think that they could have efficiently gone through billions and billions and billions of lines of code and caught everything, probably not.

I think they caught the most important things, because some things did go offline and things like that.

But I don't know if it really would have, like, if there were systems that had the year gone to zero, zero, that the system would have shut down and we would have lost a bunch of things.

Well, the planes would have fallen off and the light grids, electric grids would have collapsed.

Off the top of my head, I'm summoning the forces of 1997 when I was a comp sci major at the University of Central Florida.

What, a COBOL is computer something business-oriented language?

Am I anywhere close?

Yeah, yeah, you are.

It's common business-oriented language.

It's very funny.

But the goal of the language, which was a complete and utter failure,

was to make computer programming easy enough for a business person to do.

Oh, yeah, right, okay.

And, of course, that was a ridiculous goal

because no matter how you make a language,

the person still has to understand...

Programming.

You have to understand.

The basics, right, of programming.

You have to understand.

I did a lot of programming when I was in high school,

and my first two years in college,

97, 98, leading into 99,

I did a lot of programming in C and Pascal,

which is no longer existing.

It was a great learning tool.

Yeah, Pascal is a good learning link.

It's used to teach structured programming

programming you know like good programming techniques it makes it like you basically

it's like you're programming a c but they give you a lot of rules so you don't you can't really

mess up that bad wow we're talking about programming this is really bad all right

and then you're saying shit you geeks yeah yeah you want to call in we i got a call in you wonder

why tech tv failed dude i love tech i loved tech tv and the old zd net don't talk that's comcast

is the reason it failed.

Those jerks.

Those assholes.

Comcast.

I'm stuck with their service here.

God.

Everyone else in Central Florida

has Bright House,

the old Time Warner here.

Great service.

What did I get stuck with?

Comcast.

Because I'm in one little strip

of, you know,

Orlando, like,

is stuck with Comcast.

Jeez.

Horrible service.

Horrible customer service.

Horrible everything all together.

Bright House was great.

I'm calling you.

I used to complain so much

about Bright House.

We're waiting for a call from Ted.

Milkman never called in

We're waiting on a call here from Mr. Ted

Friday's almost upon us

We're about an hour

We're about 50

About 45 minutes away

Listen up

Assume this is the Ted

Just saying Ted was going to call in

Excuse me

Are you dialing numbers?

I'm through

Let me go

Thinking about getting a PBX

Like a virtual PBX kind of thing

For the show

Might be kind of cool

So we can all conference each other

Legitimately without

You know

Crappiness

And callers can call in

On the toll free line

And get through in the PBX

And all that

We can call through

It'll be really fun, actually.

Actually.

I would like to try another conference show one day.

That was fun.

It was a lot of fun.

Did I mention that Turdburgler?

I did mention last week Turdburgler made contact.

He's out there, and he's coming back on leave pretty soon.

He said he's going to check in with us here.

Do some pranks.

Looking forward to that.

Yay, it's live.

Yeah, all right.

Yippee.

Ted, are you in the IRC?

You're not in the IRC, so I can't send you this info.

Oh, that's...

...will it to you here while you get in there?

Wait, let me get it in there.

Too late.

Sent it all.

Anyway, if you do want to reach us again, you want to send in your prank call request.

I know we're running a little slow tonight, but you can do so.

Madhouse Radio on AOL and Yahoo Instant Messengers.

Again, AOL and Yahoo Instant Messengers.

That is Madhouse Radio.

We're using MSN Messenger.

Madhouse at live.com.

Toll-free line is not open now, but if you do want to call in later, it is 1-888-278-8509.

Let me know when you're dialing so I don't start talking.

Okay, I'm calling.

I can hear myself.

For some stupid reason.

What the fuck?

I don't have anything.

I don't have stereo mix on.

That's weird.

Is this through your computer that you're...

Yeah.

Tell you.

Is your stream...

That wouldn't make sense.

No, not that.

I'm thinking do you have Winamp open, but no, it'd be on delay, so that's not the deal.

Make a shit tone, darling, and you can look.

Hopefully we can make it happen.

Some new stuff to talk about after we do some pranks here.

This is...

At the same time, I don't know if maybe you thought...

Noise.

Got this new phone, man.

That's awesome.

It makes little noises.

Put that.

Hold.

Be careful.

Hold.

That's right.

Duh.

I heard you say Gary.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pearl.

I tried to call her.

She didn't say anything, but try her.

Vista.

I blame Vista on it.

I blame Vista for everything.

Did you hear Windows 7 is probably going to be modular?

It's an omniscient change.

That sucks.

Windows 7, the next in of the succession of Vista, if you want to call it that,

it's going to be modular to the point where, like, you install your basic OS,

and then from there, anything else that you want, you're actually going to pay for it extra.

You know what I mean?

I mean, like, you can get the Office package, and it'll probably install, like, I don't know,

it'll probably install, like, Office, and it'll probably cost, like, $100.

You know what I mean?

Like, you're not going to get the whole thing.

Yeah, exactly.

So you're going to get it directly from Microsoft and install it on your computer.

Yeah, and it's a pretty ingenious way of getting people to stop pirating.

No.

Yeah.

Maybe you have to buy everything in pieces.

You can't just have the whole Windows XP or...

Speak with Richard, please.

This is Desire.

Yes, and it's 4 o'clock in the morning.

Ah, yes, I know, but I talked to...

Not to Dr. Jones?

Yes, I've been in for sleep since I've been here.

No, you haven't.

No, this is...

My husband is not speaking to any doctor about a sleep problem, and you just woke me up.

No, no, no, no. I've been speaking to him. He's a physician.

No, my husband is Mr. Pohl.

He's a physician.

No, he isn't. He's not a doctor.

Oh, my insurance company is going to be obsessed. I've been...

It's like an hour to hang up the phone, too. We're here.

How'd that happen?

How'd I start coughing?

Well, if you don't cough, you don't get off.

Kitten.

Smoke weed every day.

That's right.

Can I dial her?

That was Pearl, right?

Oh, no, that was Paul.

Yeah, let me see if I can talk to Mr. and Ms. Paul.

Mrs. Paul, I suppose.

I was ruined by Mrs. Paul.

Hi, good evening, ma'am.

I'm calling with to see how you're doing on your pro-time supplies.

I understand Dr. Paul, um, he's not going to go for it.

Place an order.

I don't take shit at all.

I don't have any feet, no.

Jesus, I suck.

You mostly get free health care here.

I guess they don't have insurance over there, do they?

I think they still get supplemental because they still got to pay some shit.

Yeah, like Canada.

Well, you know, Sean was explaining to me.

I don't know if I should be talking about this.

He said this on the air.

He said this on the air on our show once.

So I guess it's okay to talk about Sean in Canada.

Like he had a problem with one of his testicles and he had to get it removed.

Sean Ward we're talking about here.

And he said that they covered the removal, but to get the prosthetic put in, he had to pay for it.

And it was like really expensive.

Like he wanted to get the prosthetic and they said, no, no, we'll just take it out.

we'll take the nut

but we won't put in a

you know

they wouldn't have put in

his nudicle

they wouldn't have put in

a hollow easter egg in there

nothing

I was like

give them the marble

while they got it open

you know

and just stick something

in there for you

you know

but they weren't having it

you know

and I sanitized

you know what

you know what I would get

if I had to get like

my testicles chopped off

or something you know

or you know

removed

I would keep the sack

and I would have them

put in two of those

Chinese

meditation balls

the one little

the balls that go

ding ding ding

you know

Yeah, you know, those Chinese worry balls or whatever.

Yeah, I would sit and say, I'd juggle them in front of her and have her try to do it, you know.

And I'd give her the little card that comes, you know, with it, you know, that tells you the story.

Hello?

Hi, this is Richard Powell.

Yes.

Mrs.

Yes.

Good morning, I'm from the...

Calling from which club?

Calling from...

Yes.

The wallet here.

Yes.

This is...

Does this number are in it?

So I don't know how you got it, because I've got a stroke and I don't go out.

You shouldn't be going out either. I've got this horrible problem with my throat.

Well, I don't know. I'll definitely check.

Which test branch is this?

It's not too far from you.

Is that Skegness or Grimsby?

It's not a problem with my throat. Hold on, I've got to clear it.

Yeah, yeah. So which branch of Tesco is it?

B.

So Grimsby. So which Tesco is it?

It might serve you, because I don't know.

Yes, yes.

One moment.

Yes,

Is it a Skegness or a Grimsby branch?

Yes, the latter, the latter.

It's Grimsby.

That's the one.

It's the Grimsby, yeah.

That's right.

You're familiar with it.

Yes, I'll get the gentleman.

Okay.

Just my shopping to call in and collect the card.

Okay, we would appreciate it if you would come down post-haste.

Are you coming yourself?

All right, I'll ask him to.

Who are you bringing? Who are you sending?

Mr. Bill O'Mackey, boys, will come.

I'll be seeing his wife tomorrow morning.

Bill, he's no longer allowed in the...

We need him to the list.

We need his social security number, if you don't mind, please,

so we can add him to the list.

Why?

Well, he needs the access list.

list, we would need his social security number in order to place him on it.

What for?

Again, on the list if he's coming down to get access, so we would need his social security

number.

Oh, well, I can't give you that.

I have no idea about things like that.

Well, do you have any number?

I'd rather the police come down.

Do you have a number?

Do you have a...

I'm sorry.

I have no idea.

Sorry.

Do you have a number we can put down?

Any phone number?

No, I haven't.

A library card number?

No, I haven't.

A lottery ticket number he has played.

What is it?

Anything, any number.

Perhaps you can come up with a random number in your head.

No, I can't.

I'll phone the police tomorrow and ask them what to do.

How about how many times a week he wanks?

How many times a week I what?

Times a week he has a wank.

How many times?

No, I don't.

That's not information, isn't it?

Yeah.

That would be a police matter.

How many would you imagine?

I think he's a five-time-a-day kind of guy.

Five wanks a day I think he can put out.

I think he squeezes out five wanks.

I have no idea what you're talking about now.

It's where the knee bone connects to the thigh bone?

Absolutely.

You understand, he seems to be one of the few people out there

who still speak this language, cobalt.

No, I don't speak it, no.

You don't speak cobalt whatsoever?

No.

What about Pascal?

This is one less we have to put into carbonite.

Terminate the call, please.

All right, thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, she did something.

I said, finally.

It's a sticker case.

I will.

Hello.

For Christ's sake.

What's next?

She seems to be one of the few people out there who still speak.

No, I don't speak it, no.

You don't speak cobalt whatsoever?

No.

What about Pascal?

Hey, this is one less we have to put into carbonite.

Terminate the call, please.

All right, thank you.

Thank you.

Replay brought to you by Madhouse Munchies.

MadhouseMunchies.com.

That's good.

Who is asking no reclute today?

No, I haven't seen reclute all week.

He didn't email me a new prank of his to play tonight.

I'm going to get to that in a little bit here.

But no, I haven't seen...

I've tried to make contact with Rack, and I haven't seen him, so...

I don't think he's going to make it tonight unless he comes in late.

Sometimes he comes in after midnight.

I don't think I'm going to be on after midnight.

Which means I've got another half hour worth of show here, but...

Whatever.

I'll say I look pretty good today.

I got my Hawaiian shirt on, and I got my captain's hat on.

I am very tropical tonight.

I almost look a little Puerto Rican tonight.

Look at the camera right there.

You don't sound like you're from this country.

And I forgot who it was that said I should prank call 98 and tell them that I stole their phone.

First of all, this phone cost me $9.

I have a cheat and a mute button on it.

It holds memory, and it's not cordless, so I'm using it.

Who are we calling now there, Big Ten?

The Walsh is here.

Did you get those?

7-11.

I got some numbers here in the U.S. also, don't forget.

Got some other ones here.

Already called Bigfoot Java.

Brewing coffee or something, right?

Like you dropped it in there?

Grinder.

Assholes, we're gonna grinder.

Listening, manhouse radio is still live, of course.

Probably for another 30 to 45 minutes.

Right now you're listening to Ted and Carlito prank calling England.

Tomorrow we go airplane.

Tracing us.

I think he's just playing Vista.

That's what I've been doing all night.

I keep getting all night on justin.tv, server connection failed, server connection failed.

That's all I get.

Yeah, but right now, I'm like, it's all night.

It's been saying server connection.

I thought it was working for a while, but it's not.

It's not even on.

Thank God.

It's like, just hang up.

Vice Prenters at 7-Eleven.

Ted, seriously.

Come on.

Sean Walsh.

I think she was rubbing it down there for a second.

Let's try to call.

Who's that lady we were calling?

Pearl or Pole?

He's a live technician.

I believe it.

Scared me, Ted.

She's not.

Okay, we got the Abbey Lodge Inn just came in.

This is in Lincolnshire.

What's with all the shires, man?

Come on, guys.

all you brits lancashire that's right i do say sure that's right lancashire let me play some

bed music here because we're dragging the music going here get some get some fibrosity in here

there's a new one i just sent you that's the abbey lodge and i did want to mention a quick

news story here if i could uh in uh in florida a woman um a woman was caught hanging upside down

from a tree in the mcdonald's parking lot um after a confrontation she had inside apparently she's

24 and she was at a mcdonald's in fort myers florida fort pierce rather fort pierce um

apparently she went in and she said that the service is unacceptable and started pulling on

the cashier who was like a teenager and got into an argument a discussion and she exited the store

began hanging upside down on a tree in the store parking lot before laying on the hood of her car

she came back inside and asked if they had fired the cashier and then she pushed a customer

and apparently, I don't know what that's about.

Why would you sit in a tree and hang upside down

like she's a bat or something?

Was she trying to intimidate them like she was a vampire?

Maybe that's what it was.

I would get scared.

What are you singing?

Isn't Batman technically a vampire?

Well, I guess not.

I mean, he doesn't suck blood,

but I think Batman's pretty vampire-ish.

He's probably...

Batman's evil.

I'm waiting for that Batman movie.

The new Batman movie looks like it's going to be

some Cracker Jack shit.

I'm looking forward to that.

Everyone, be sure to go to BatmanTheMovie.com.

I bet you that is the website.

Alright, where's the Abbey Lodge?

Are we doing that?

7-11.

Look, that's all.

Bad.

Dude, go fuck your Swisher Sweets, bitch.

I'm back on the line.

I would like to talk to him, Ryan.

I'm back on the plane.

Please.

Please connect the call, Ryan.

It was 7-11.

That's the number.

7-1-1.

I wanted to mention real quick.

You know, when I spoof my caller ID using a spoof card, you know,

I always put their area code 551212.

And if everybody wants to know what number that is

In any area code in the United States

If you dial

If you dial 555-1212

Get on your own

And see what it does

Who wants to get the free of the same dude again

De-announcing he loves KDK

Very good

Beautiful

I am bisexual

I'm fabulous

No, no, I did not misread

Start your message now

Yes, I have the cure for Phyllis

It's in my pants

That's all I got

Thank you

That's all I got

Maybe this is him

The DTT in the chatroom is stating

and quote, I want KDK's uncut penis.

That's what DTT says.

I don't want to make fun of me before I get the hooded string.

It's Nick.

He's a parasitist.

That's what he is.

He's a 7-Eleven in Japan.

I should call them.

You need the number?

Bones and Loser has one.

Google Maps is up a lot, especially on my phone.

Like, I use the, you know, Google Maps, you know, on my smartphone.

Like, I have Windows Mobile.

It messes up, like, if I want to find a business.

Like, they say, oh, put in pizza.

Find directions to it.

It pulls up like a totally different state every time.

Tied it.

And the number?

Here soon, everybody.

Where it says 011 after the comma 8, that's where the number is.

Someone just called over here.

They're there to cut his karate chop, his door in half.

And not his left hand, his right hand.

I'm sure you agree with me.

It is very important to keep your right hand splinter-free as much as possible.

Jake, with the right hand, does not have a man as a man without.

Because I'm going to have a good word with him.

You can call me here and you can ask me.

I'm going to help you.

Thanks.

What did you say in English?

Plug, please.

I got some more.

tell you what i'm gonna send you once i told a lady that my name was vagina jones

and i said my name was vagina jones i talked about this last week i said it

she's like who's this so that was like vagina jones you know and like later she's like oh

mr vagina my name thanks i think that's so i'll take this one it's english maybe she'll remember

me she'll say it too oh is this mr vagina dang true story though that's 7-eleven there that's

where i talked to the woman who was actually sexually aroused by me when i told her i look

I look like Brad Pitt.

I've got to read that she's into Americans.

Mushi, mushi.

How are you?

Do you speak English?

Oh, great.

I like to make reservation machines.

As soon as possible.

Are you sitting in the next hour?

Well, how about tonight?

Tonight would be good.

I don't know what time it is.

I'm a crazy American person.

I don't have a phone machine.

Okay, uh, how many people in your party, sir?

We're going to have three people, myself, a brother who's on the line with me, and a mistress.

Three persons, yes.

Thank you for three persons at the New York restaurant.

I thought we were going to...

No, no, no, honey.

And we're going to the New York restaurant.

I understand.

Do you need my name?

Do you prefer the smoking or smoking system?

Oh, you people smoke? How vile.

I like the taste of nicotine.

Go ahead and put me in for smoking.

Smoking system?

There's nothing like having that kind of ass juice in your face while you're eating.

I really appreciate it.

Thank you.

Thank you for tainting my food with...

I'd rather not.

She's holding on to it, letting it be.

She recommends that we ask if we can put meat on her grill.

I don't get it.

Request to ask for the cream of some young guy.

That was a classic from Wayne's World.

Good.

Would you like my name, please?

We would like to come in 7 p.m.

I'm sorry?

7 p.m.

7 p.m., sure.

All right, yeah, yeah, huh?

May I have your reservation name, please, sir?

Yes, you can put that under vagina.

Could you give us your name, please?

V-A-G-I-N-A.

I-N-A, thank you.

And the first name is?

That is the first name.

Oh, sorry, the last name is?

The last name is Jones, J-O-S.

Jones, O-S-N-E-A.

Yes, did you get the name?

Yes, Mr. The last name is J-O-N-E-A.

The first.

Is that correct?

Yes. What is the first name?

Oh, sorry. The first name is J-O-N-E-A.

Okay.

And may I have a contact number?

No, that's not right. It's V-A-G-I-N-A.

A-G-I-N-A. Is this your first name?

That is the last name.

The last name. The first name is?

Jones.

Jones?

Yes.

Thank you very much.

And may I have a contact number, please, in Japan?

Phone has an American phone number.

Okay, so where are you staying at?

I'm staying at the Sheraton Inn & Suites and Casino here in Tokyo.

Sheraton?

Yes.

Miyako Hotel?

Yep.

Okay.

We're on the coconut deck.

Huh?

Name?

So, yes, what's your name?

Vagina?

No, vagina.

Vagina, sorry.

No, no, no, vagina.

Vagina.

Okay, one more time, one more time, please.

Mr. Vagina?

That's the one.

That's what the ladies call me.

That's what you'll be calling me tonight.

Because I own the vagina.

Commander.

Vagina owner.

Mr. Vagina, you'll be calling me all night tonight.

You guys call your God, you'll be banging the gong like, boom, Mr. Vagina.

I was like, that's right.

What's my name, baby?

Mushi.

Thank you very much for calling Miracle Pub Mill Reservation.

Please, please, yes, please confirm it.

Thank you very much.

See you tonight.

All right, I'll see you tonight.

That's right, she'll be calling me Mr. Vagina tonight.

and we'll have to check in with her later.

They dig it.

They dig American men over there.

They hear a voice like mine, like, ooh, he might look like,

because, you know, we have this, you know,

I'm thinking she's probably some very hot Asian girl, you know.

She's probably thinking some very hot American guy who looks like Brad Pitt

or, I don't know, Jack Black or something like that.

You know, she's probably all like, this is an American man.

You know, I bet you everyone over there has fantasies about sleeping with a, you know,

a blue-eyed, white, Caucasian man like you, Ted.

So...

I don't have blue eyes.

Why do you have to...

Man, we didn't know that.

What are they, black?

You're Italian, aren't you?

Probably.

Oh, son, don't you?

Let's

do one or two more calls before we wrap it up here tonight.

It's almost midnight now.

Late show tonight.

We're having fun still.

Always good to do Vagina Jones.

Always good to call Japan.

Do you need numbers?

I have more numbers than Japan.

If you name a country, I can probably find it.

Guam here.

Let's see if I got India.

Do you have any India numbers?

We should ask for a takeout.

Let's see here.

Circle K, 7-Eleven.

I put in India.

I'm getting like Dunkin' Donuts, Indian Guy Answered.

You know, that kind of deal.

The N again.

Here we go.

This is in New South Wales, which I believe is New Zealand.

It's the Ennegan Indian Curry House, apparently.

Let me get this over to you here.

I remember it might be a little tricky to read it because it's kind of like a...

Wow, there aren't a whole lot of parks in India.

It's a pretty big wasteland.

Yeah, it looks really drab.

There's not much that grows there either.

I sent you the number to the Ennegan Indian Curry House in Newport, New South Wales.

Jesus Christ.

Zygon says that DTD loves that place.

I absolutely agree.

He loves KDK also, which is good.

I'm going to hear from you, South Wales.

They speak English there, don't they?

Hello, I'd like to make order for...

Pick up?

Yes.

I'd like, Josh.

Lamb rogan juice?

Yes.

Sorry, we don't have chicken biryani.

Two keema naan, yes?

Two chicken tikka masala.

So, two lamb rogan juice, two keema naan, two chicken tikka masala.

Yes.

When do you like to pick up, sir?

When it's canny.

Or is there lamb rogan juice?

No, Lamb Rogan Josh will not be ready within half an hour. It will take more.

Yeah?

Yeah, just get the drum meat now. Delivery is coming.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the problem?

I got lamb korma and lamb and spinach. Lamb and spinach is similar to Lamb Rogan Josh.

You don't have Lamb and Josh?

Lamb Rogan Josh, the drum meat is just delivered now. It will take more than an hour to cook up.

So when do we like to be on?

Half an hour is not possible, sorry.

Okay, how about one hour then?

Should be all right.

Yes, sir.

One chicken tikka masala.

Yes.

One lamb rogan josh.

Yes.

Chicken biryani.

Chicken biryani we are not doing anymore.

Oh, right.

The shop is now under new management.

So the menu has been changed to be a new one.

All of our dishes are ready to go.

So if you come, you can pick up straight away.

The chicken tikka masala and the other chicken curry, lamb curry, beef curry, everything is ready to go.

Do you have any system?

You know, system.

I'm not hearing properly.

It sounds like coming from far and rejection.

Ask you if you have lovely sister.

Lovely sister.

Hello.

Yes, please.

You can pick up a fellow one,

and I'm going to pick up one.

Mm-hmm.

And your mom.

He's not getting his mom.

His whole sister thing.

He's like, why my sister?

What did you say, just to say?

Or just because?

No reason.

No reason, just your fucking sister.

Dude, come on.

Loser sending in loser.

Lonesome loser sending in a number

for the Ohio Northern University campus security.

I don't know if I really want to call him.

Yeah, it's just campus security.

I don't know if I want to mess with campus security.

Oh, did they? Is that the one?

He went to NIU. That sucks.

Alright, man.

Hey, we got a number in the United Arab Emirates.

Old store. United Arab Emirates.

Home. Isn't that where Dubai is?

UAE?

Dubai is the thriving

metropolis coming.

I'm so tired of hearing about Dubai.

Everybody's just like, Dubai this, Dubai that.

I know, man.

They gotta build everything big.

Maybe fucking building everything is like

Like, they're going to have the penis.

Like, so many size guys.

Like, they have the one big Hodge, whatever, the Hodge Tower, the Hodge Tower, whatever it's called.

El Vader.

Has the ejaculating penis on an artificial island.

That's right, it does look like that.

Get a mother, Maranipa.

Hello?

Yeah?

You look so bad.

That guy's funny.

Calling!

The phone, you hear the way they say hello, like, oh.

Deuce chills when they talk like that.

Oh.

Embassy.

Embassy of the United States of America.

Yes, sir.

Calling you from the United States Embassy of America.

And I'm calling on a special investigation.

I have reason to believe that you are selling, you are serving bacon there, sir.

No, we are not selling, sir.

We are selling meat only.

We are not making anything.

Okay, well, I would like some pork, bacon burger.

No, we are not selling pork.

Well, I am in the mood for bacon, and I'm an American.

This is America, and you will sell me pork.

Not sell me pork.

This is a free country.

Huh?

This is a free country, and I would like pork chops and bacon.

No, I can't. I told you, we are not keeping these items.

No, kosher meat.

We have chicken.

We are not keeping.

We have a license.

No pork license.

Have a license.

I will make a fake license and you get the pork for me.

Come on, man.

Sounds like the name of a porn to a license to pork.

License to pork.

I don't want your license.

I want you to make me a bacon burger.

Bacon.

Do you have a license?

Have you ever had a...

No.

Have you ever had pork chop?

DTT, you know, call in and talk to him for us.

You know, let's conference D...

I think DTT told me he doesn't speak Muslim, actually.

He understands a little bit, but he's an American.

He was born in the States.

You know?

Maybe he's offended.

I don't know.

It wouldn't be a good show

If we didn't offend somebody

I think we had fun here

But I think that's it

Would a barbecue sandwich offend him?

I think I'm done for now

I think I'm done too Ted

Good point I'll catch you at the computer machine

If you show up there again

Thanks for calling in Ted man

Alright the Ted

That was fun

Ordered some bacon burgers

That dude's funny

Well here we are everybody

It is the end of the show

Thank you so much, everybody, for listening tonight.

No milkman tonight, unfortunately.

The lead is out of here, but I'll do it impromptu the best job I can.

I'd like to thank Lonesome Loser for sending in numbers tonight.

I would like to thank everybody who called in.

There was nobody.

Nobody called the toll-free line tonight.

But I would like to thank Ted for joining in and helping us out with some pranks, man.

Very good.

We had fun.

You did good.

I did good.

And you helped out.

I'd like to thank Tuck as well for showing up here and helping us out with the show today.

Always good having you here.

Tuck anything on the pike for your podcast, any new developments?

I'm going to put a new one up this week, and I promise, this time.

Okay, good deal.

Good deal.

Everyone, be sure to go to madhouselive.com, check out the forums.

Prankcall.info.com

That's prankcall.info.com

Everyone, be sure to go to madhouselive.com, check the forums, check the podcast, subscribe, listen to our old shows, old pranks, they're all up there.

The forums especially are hopping, so be sure you join in there and help spread the truth.

the truth to the youth

as I said before the Madhouse Wikipedia will be up soon

this weekend, it's not official yet

but if you look at the Madhouse site

preferably on the forums

you'll be able to see

coming soon, the Madhouse Wikipedia link

will be up there, work in progress

but I'm going to make a release, I'm going to work on it

as much as I can until Saturday afternoon

and I'm going to make it public

and it'll grow from there, so let's all enjoy that

everyone be sure to listen tomorrow night

here on Syndicate Radio

syndicateradio.tv that is

Be sure to listen tomorrow to Zolar

And the Zolar Party Nation

Rather the Zolar Vision will be on tomorrow

Zolar Vision will be on tomorrow

At 9pm Eastern Standard Time

So be sure to check that out

Always a good time with the Zolar

And of course a whole plethora of shows

That are on all week on Syndicate

And when you get a chance

Listen to us over at the 98.6 The Mouthline

Or the station that is

24 hours a day

7 days a week

It's Madhouse, Madhouse, Madhouse all the time

And everyone who listened, man, thanks, guys.

You know, a lot of the old-timers, a lot of new people in there tonight.

Thanks for having us.

And there we are.

I think we're done.

Gentlemen, again, thank you, as I said.

Who got the gold star for the night?

I forgot.

Someone had a gold star.

Was it Tuck?

Tuck, did you get a gold star earlier tonight?

I think you did.

I don't remember.

I'm not keeping track.

All right.

Well, I'm starting off the gold.

Zola has negative one.

And then I think Tuck had one.

So, good.

All right.

Tuck wins the gold star contest of the night.

He wins five Madhouse dollars.

Awesome.

So I'm good for use in the Madhouse store.

And look out for the Madhouse CD.

Are they purple dollars?

No, they're actually blue.

They're bluebacks.

I call them bluebacks.

All right.

All right, so everybody, as I said before, be sure to go to the Madhouse website.

We're going to catch you next week.

And until then, take care, and thank you for being a listener and a fan and all that stuff.

Yeah, it's over.

Madhouse Live is live Thursday nights at 10 p.m. Eastern.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Be sure to visit us online at madhouselive.com.

Calls (11, 31 min of 1 h 48 min)

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